#and aside from darla deserving better

[gh-0-stcup]

Idk exactly what went down with Darla in this show (though I do have a vague idea), but I can say they clearly did her wrong.

[secretlystephaniebrown]

Batman: War Games - Worst Comic Event Ever? Probably!

I had so many fucking thoughts about this trash fire of an event comic, guys.

War Games might genuinely be one of the worst things that have ever happened to comics. It's riddled with horrific art, bad writing, bad treatment of beloved characters. The few attempts at brevity, goodness, or even relief are frequently undercut by homophobia, rape jokes, transphobia, and sexism.

As a fan of multiple of the storylines which were interrupted to produce this all-time low in comic event storytelling, and a fan of characters who were fridged, character assassinated, or otherwise shoved aside in favor of a narrative where Batman shoves aside his family and is more convinced than ever that he is right and blameless in the events that happen... it was awful.

Detective Comics #796 might just be one of the only worthy reads in the entire book: Stephanie Brown comes to blows with Zsasz in her time as Robin, and the art is good, Bruce expresses concern and care for her, and in that issue, we can almost see what could have been a better story, where the two of them learned and grew together.

(More below the cut)

A highlight that I did not expect, however, was the Batman 12 Cent Adventure by Devin Grayson, which was probably one of the most empathetic perspectives into Steph’s mind at the time, and clearly showing how she had been set up to fail. Through this book, we see the set up for the War Game, in a much more detailed way than we saw pretty much anywhere else throughout the book, and we also got a brief history of the Bat Family told two ways—the way that Steph knows it, and the way that we, the reader, know it actually happened, because Steph doesn’t know most of the family’s secret identities, and is in the dark about some of the fundamentals.

What can I even say about Steph’s treatment in this comic that hasn’t already been said, that isn’t part of the narrative of War Games? Maybe I could mention the horrifically porn traced torture drawings. The way that the torture is clearly stylized as sexual assault. The way that Steph is insulted, belittled, and poorly treated, even beyond the torture and fridging. The way that this was supposed to be how her story ended. As a fan of Steph, it was horrible to read. I cannot emphasize enough how new fans seeking Steph content, should avoid this series. Reading Detective Comics 796 and her issues as Robin in Robin and Batgirl… and just… never pick up War Games properly. Don’t be like me.

The Robin issues by Willingham were… fine, if frequently sexist, and continuing the comics tradition of treating male sexual assault as harmless or a joke (Tim is forcibly kissed by a fellow student, and is cheered on for it, despite having made clear to Darla that he is already in a relationship. Later, he ends up taking her on a pseudo-date for hot cocoa. There were a few nice moments squeezed in; Tim at one point says that Stephanie and Bruce had a good relationship and brought a levity to the role that was good for Bruce… right before claiming that her making Bruce joke wasn’t that big of a deal because the joke was “rudimentary.”

Catwoman was decent enough; I’m a fan of Brubaker in general, and the bits where Selina got to bond with Steph, do her own thing, and protect the East End were lovely… but so many of the infamous torture panels occur in this book that it’s hard for me to say that these issues were worth reading.

Orpheus and Onyx though… hoo boy. Onyx had some fun moments throughout the series, being battle buddies with Cass, chatting casually with Deadshot, and things like that. But in the end, the overwhelming awfulness of Batman coercing a black vigilante into becoming a gang leader, and then the vigilante being murdered, and his face literally worn as a mask, was bad. Bruce getting Orpheus to become the leader of the Hill Gang also undercuts his own argument that he had never intended to implement the War Game to give himself control over all of Gotham’s organized Crime… because he had put Orpheus where he was specifically to control one gang already. Orpheus was done so dirty, and he and Onyx deserve to get to come back and be treated better.

Batgirl had some nice individual moments when the story focused on Steph and Cass’s relationship: Cass desperately searching for her best friend and the last time the two of them met was absolutely heartbreaking, but the rest of it was generally just more of the same, constant fighting, and it’s her sections that get to feature the transphobic joke, on top of the sexism that permeates this entire event. Cass doesn’t get too much to do in this story, which is a real pity, since I think her book was one of the strongest from this era.

Nightwing was infuriating for the simple fact of when in the Nightwing the story takes place: barely after Nightwing’s assault at the hands of Tarantula. Tarantula is given a heroic story here, protecting young children who had been recruited into gangs, and even being appointed one of Batman’s top lieutenants in the crisis. She’s referred to as Dick’s stalker, but this is treated as a joke, and she touches him and flirts with him constantly, and the only negative consequences are that Oracle becomes jealous and insults both her and Dick.

Oracle is treated generally pretty poorly in this story, snapping at everyone, insulting Cass and Dick, and while some of it could be understandable given the situation, it’s kind of annoying that so many of her early appearances in the series are playing her up as a jerk. But in the end, Babs comes through in what would be, in any other story, a brilliant ending concept, but instead ends up being undercut by the rest of the story. Trapped in the Clocktower by the Black Mask, with Batman coming to her rescue, Batman is so furious about the War that he no longer cares if he lives or dies, and is even willing to kill the Mask. To pull him out of it, Babs activates the Clocktower’s self-destruct sequences, forcing Batman to chose between vengeance and his purpose as a hero, saving her life rather than killing the Black Mask. What undercuts it, though, is that Bruce’s rage is made out to be not about the destruction that the Mask has caused, or even about Stephanie Brown, who was tortured and is dying in the hospital, but instead, about the failure of his plan. So… nearly good, I suppose.

And Leslie. Leslie is right up there with Steph and Orpheus in terms of horrible treatment. DC has never been good at understanding pacifism. Leslie yells at Cass for saving her life, constantly claims that superheroes do more harm than good, and denies Steph life-saving treatment. The character ends the series exiled to Africa, with Bruce telling her never to come back, a character who was functionally his foster-mother, and one of the most important older women in the Batman books.

War Games is emblematic of some of the worst Batman writing: the character is pig headed, cruel, and even abusive, but we are told by the narrative that he's smarter than everyone, so they should just deal with it. Repeatedly characters try to call him out on his behavior, but he tells them to stop whining and deal with it, and even when his actions backfire, it’s portrayed as a tragic inevitability that he is not held accountable for.

And the ending goes out of the way to explain that it's not his fault that beloved character Stephanie Brown died, not really, it was because mean old pacifist Leslie Thompkins was overtaken by the "Batman is blameless" virus and decided to deny a girl medical treatment. Batman declares that what happened was a war crime, and there must be war trials, but in the end, he fails to take any responsibility for his own actions, and inflicts massive amounts of trauma on the entire city.

In short? Don’t read War Games!

[helihi]

The Good, The Bad, and the Dirty: Spop season 5

I’ve stopped screaming, and I took the time to rewatch season 5 with my little brother. So, here are my thoughts:

The Good

Horde Prime - The cult™ : I really dig the aesthetics, that combo of religious fanatics + fascism hit good. The crew did a good job at portraying Horde Prime as the ultimate villain of the show. He was engaging to watch and his ideology was pretty clear. The way they played with the hive mind concept was really fun, and it was Horde Prime’s biggest strength. He was also a very good manipulator, successfully playing with Glimmer and Adora. He was unsuccessful with Catra because she had already hit her lowest point.

Entrapta: honestly, she was the most hilarious character this season. Not only was she engaging to watch and listen to, I felt really connected to her this season. The fight with Mermista hit really good and it hurt, but you could see her trying her best. I love how open she is and how accepting of everyone and everything. I’m glad we got to see so much of her this season.

Scorpia: baby, she only deserves good things in life. When she got mind control, you could see how fucking powerful she is, but luckily for us, we got to see her shine independently before that. Her interactions with Swift Wind, Perfuma, and Double Trouble made her shine. She’s smart, talented, and without an evil bone in her body. I’m happy she can move on from Catra and find love and friendship. (I hope she reconnects with Lonnie, Rogelio and Kyle in the future too)

Mermista: babe, you were always mood. She has been consistently funny, her get ups and plans are so entertaining to watch, but also: her relationship with Sea Hawk is great! They are definitely made for each other. I’m sad she was mine controlled for the other half of the season, but I’m happy we got to see a lot of her before. (Also she burned someone’s ship OMG GANGSTER SUIT)

Sea Hawk: happy to see him back. He was funny as always, and I’m happy he got his moment with Mermista at the end. 

Perfuma: “ADORA, WHAT DO YOU HAVE THERE?” “A TANK” “NO!” Her relationship with Scorpia is so good! I wish we could’ve seen more.

Netossa: I was one of those who was sad to know the 2 canon lesbians of the show were just background characters. I am so incredibly happy to see her shine this season! SHE SAID MY WIFE. She is the queen of the roasts and I stan.

Spinnerella: Dude, I didn’t know you were this powerful what the fuck. Also, your wife is super cute and she draws like Noelle.

Emotional Support Cat: Bro, I love Melog’s design. I think it was a really clever way to have Catra express her feelings and process them out loud for the audience by giving Catra a supernatural cat.

New She-ra design: I see the subtle reference to Bow, Glimmer and Catra in the design. Honestly, Adora looks 100% more badass.

Not Hordak: I really wish he had picked a name from himself. Aside from Entrapta, this might be the other hilarious character of the season. He goes through his individualization process in a healthier way than Hordak and showcases that the clones can be different from Horde Prime and rehabilitated. I wonder how he will feel about Hordak? But we got no epilogue so idk I guess.

Darla: I can’t believe they named the ship, but I love it.

The Best Friends Squad: I swear to god, when Bow, then Glimmer and then Catra interrupted Adora’s train of thought, I knew we were going to have a great dynamic. The way their characters play of each other is hilarious. Bow, who usually has the only braincell, is cautious and a total dad; Adora is the dumb jock with the heart of gold that gets herself into trouble; Glimmer is the chaotic enchantress with no patience; and finally Catra who’s got all her walls up, but gets shit done. I want a show of them together going on misions and almost dying in the process, thank you.

Catra Redemption: You wanted it, and here you have it! I was cheering for Catra this whole season while proclaiming I’d die for her (which I had only reserved for Scopia previously). Though things may be a little rushed, Catra takes her time to process things, and goes back and forth a couple of times. She deflects, lies, and runs away, but in the end she opens up and rushes back.

In general, the season was packed with content. I was never bored through any episodes and I honestly laughed outloud while watching it alone and later with my brother. There were moments when we paused the episode to discuss what had just happened or to process new information. This makes me feel even more weird about the bland season 2/3 division.

The Bad

Okay so, let me make this clear: I will never attack a ship or anyone who supports it. In this blog we multiship like adults and respect other people’s OTPs.

That being said, while this season was long and packed with content, it also felt rushed when it came to the relationships of the main cast

Glimmer - Catra: The prison episodes had barely any interactions between both of them. I wish they’ve had had more time to talk and to connect. There were Glitra moments that make me feel happy, and my brother was for a moment convinced that they could be canon. They are foils of each other after season 4. The conversation they had, where they realize they had a lot of things in common could’ve been a catalyst for both of them to grow and heal. However, Catra has her change of heart really soon and saves Glimmer, which prevents any deep interactions between them in the future. Aside from the jokes, Catra must be with Adora, and Glimmer must be with Bow, so everything else gets dropped.

Glimmer - Adora: The conflict between them after Angela’s “death” was one of the main plot points of last season. When they reunite again, their issues are solved in a couple of minutes and then brushed off. They really don’t have big interactions after that, which feels completely OOC and empty.

Glimmer - Bow: I wasn’t the only one who felt the sharp turn of their relationship. In previous seasons, it was really platonic, but as soon as they see each other again you know they are going to end up together. The camera zoomed on them, Bow was always holding her protectively, the way they looked at each other change. Since Glimmer is not allowed to have intimate moments with anyone else, it kinda dulls everything up. Don’t get me wrong, I love some best friends to lovers, but in this case it felt rushed for me. If I pinpoint the moment things turned romantic for them, it’s the first time they interact in person this season. It didn’t feel organic (contrast with a ship like Korrasami, where you can point at the moment Asami realized she had feelings for Korra, and then later when Korra’s attitude towards Asami changes after the time skip).

Adora - Catra: Honey, we all knew this was going to be end game, and I love the fact that Catra is dealing with her feelings and Adora acknowledges that. However, after the end of season 3, I’d have expected things to progress a little slower. Catra did put some resistance with the chip scene, but even afterwards, what would’ve been better paced with more episodes, was condensed in a few. Don’t get me wrong. I love that Catra redemption, but I’d have loved a better pacing.

BTW for anyone interested: I ship Glitradora, so any of the 3 ships ending up canon were good for me, and I liked Bow/Glimmer, just preferred them as bffs.

There’s a list of characters that barely show up that could’ve had more screentime:

Huntara: barely appears at all. She’s seen fighting, but there are no references to her or a storyline with her.

Lonnie, Rogelio and Kyle: briefly shown. The gay couple of the century have adopted the baby demon and are now the best dads in the desert. Lonnie is their braincell.

Double Trouble: at least they had a scene and lines, but I feel like they could’ve been more involved after they were discovered by Scopria, especially since they escaped with Sea Hawk and Perfuma.

The Star Siblings: idk man, they were part of a whole episode and then faded into the background. It was a glorified cameo for an episode where Glimmer and Bow fight.

Glimmer’s Aunt: sorry but I was asking “where the hell is she?” until she finally showed up late. She barely had any purpose.

The Dirty

Hey, guys, girls, and nonbinary pals, can we sit down and talk about redemptions?

IDK about you, but just because a show is aimed at kids you shouldn’t “redeem” all the villains. This trend bothers me specially when it touches on abuse or totalitarian leaders.

Shadow Weaver was an abuser until the end. She shouldn’t have had a heroic sacrifice, and her “I’m proud of you” line was bitter for me. I’ve said before I was raised in an abusive household and I don’t think it’s healthy to tell children that you can change your abuser or that you can expect them to change without therapy. I’m glad Shadow Weaver died, but I wish her death wasn’t in any way shape or form considered a “redemption”. A heroic act of sacrifice doesn’t erase all the pain she cause and the years of trauma Catra and Adora have had to endure.

Hordak. HEY HEY ETRAPDAK SHIPPERS DON’T COME FOR ME! I was weirded up by the ship until I realized Etrapta is in her late 20s. I’m happy they found each other but I think it’d be better if Hordak had to redeem himself through a life of service to Etheria. He can't erase the horrible things he has done, but with the help of Entrapta and others, he could give back to the community he ruined. Since we don’t have an epilogue, we just see him reuniting with Entrapta at the end and that’s it.

ALSO SOMEONE GIVE MICAH A HAIR TIE. My man, you are not in a hostile island anymore, go rock a dad bun or a dad ponytail!

--

How do you guys feel about it?

I’m here looking at cute GIFs of Catra and that kiss scene on repeat. I want a Rogelio poster, he was my boy.

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

No rush, but if you're in the mood for another question: pick your one favorite and least favorite season of each of these series :) Charmed, BtVS, Angel, Friends, TVD. I know it's hard to pick just one favorite and one least favorite, so good luck ;)

Charmed

Favourite season: Season 4

What can I say about this season? It’s just brilliant. Although Prue is my favourite character, the aftermath of her death, introduction of Paige and transition to a new trio is handled brilliantly. I love the different dynamic that Paige brings to the show and how Piper and Phoebe’s worlds are completely turned upside down by losing Prue and finding Paige. I love getting to know Paige in episodes like A Knight to Remember and A Paige From the Paige, I adore seeing the process of Piper accepting Prue’s death and embracing Paige and their magic in episodes like Hell Hath No Fury and Lost and Bound. And despite the controversy surrounding the Cole/Source plot, I enjoyed Phoebe’s arc in this season with adapting to becoming the middle sister, getting married and pregnant and suffering the most life-changing, soul-destroying losses imaginable. We even got a Leo-centric episode with Saving Private Leo which finally gave us insight into Leo’s past. Season 4 is a consistently strong season in my opinion (albiet with a weak finale) and episodes like Charmed Again, Hell Hath No Fury, Charmed and Dangerous and Long Live the Queen are some of the most memorable episodes of the series for me. You can read more about why I love season 4 here.

Least favourite season: Season 8

This season is so weak. The show could’ve (and probably should’ve) ended with season 7 so the whole season suffers from a complete lack of direction. All of the characters have already gone full circle with their arcs and development so there’s nowhere new to take them. As a result, they all feel watered down. Phoebe and Paige lose all of their personality and spark, whilst Piper is reduced to a stereotype where her snark and sarcasm is taken to unnecessary levels. Billie and Christy are poor villains for the final show-down and neither actress fits within the show. They steal too much focus from the sisters and since it’s the final season this is the season that should be all about the sisters. In addition, there’s a complete lack of sisterly moments in this season, Darryl is absent and Leo is removed for a large part of the season. Not to mention, Paige and Henry and Phoebe and Coop are rushed romances established simply to give Phoebe and Paige their “happily ever after” for the season finale. Even the final episode is pretty weak. Whilst I appreciate the happy ending, it all seems cheesy and too good to be true, and it’s way too Piper-centric and lacks balance. You can read more about why season 8 is my least favourite here.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Favourite season: Season 2

This season is a solid and a really great season. We have Spike and Drusilla as the best villanous pairing in teleivision history, a brilliant two-parter with a dramatic twist in Surprise and Innocence, the Angelus arc which I never get tired of watching and a strong ending with The Becoming Part 1 and 2. For Passion alone this season deserves to take the number 1 spot, but my love for Angel/Angelus (and Bangel) only adds to how much I love the season.

Least favourite season: Season 7

Whenever I rewatch BTVS, I rarely make it through the final season. It’s just not a good season. I don’t like the direction Buffy and Spike’s relationship is taken in, I dislike the introduction of the Potential Slayers, the after-math of Willow’s dark arc is handled poorly, the Willow/Kennedy romance is rushed and completely forced, The First is a poor final villain to end the series with particularly following villains like the Mayor, Angelus, Spike and Dru. All of the supporting characters (Willow, Xander, Anya, Dawn etc.) are pushed aside and given no real arcs or development. Overall this season is completely forgettable and a very weak end to a brilliant series.

Angel

Favourite season: Season 2

Ah, it’s so hard to choose because it’s a toss-up between season 2 and 3. At this present moment, I’m going to go with season 2. I love Darla’s arc in this season and her dynamic with Angel, it’s also so satisfying to see Dru and Darla wreak havoc together. Angel gets pushed to arguably the darkest place he’s ever been (up until this point) and I love seeing him lose all faith in the world, life and humanity only to then have an epiphany where his entire perspective shifts and he gets absolute clarity. Seeing Cordy, Wes and Gunn go off on their own is great, I love their dynamic and how strong they are in this season. This is also the final season that features Kate, who I really like and think is very underrated. There’s a lot of focus on other minor characters who I love such as Lilah and Lindsey. This is also the season that we get the newest additions to Angel Investigations: Lorne and Fred. Honestly, the end of this season really lets it down for me, but the beginning and middle is so strong with Darla and Angel that it always sits near the top as my favourite season.

Least favourite season: Season 4

This probably won’t come as a surprise to any Angel fans reading this. Season 4 is undoubtedly the worst season of the series. It takes a beautiful, complex, well-developed character in Cordy and completely decimates her. Everything that she is and that fans love her for is stripped away, her agency is removed and she’s hijacked by an evil being who uses her body to commit horrendous acts. Seeing Cordy!Jasmine sleep with Connor will always make me feel physically sick. For Angel to have to witness that and endure the pain of seeing the woman he loves having sex with his adolescent son is disgusting. Overall, the treatment of Cordy and Connor in this season makes me so uncomfortable. Fred and Gunn’s relationship is dismantled to make way for Fred and Wesley, which in my opinion is by far the weaker ship. Even the appearance of Angelus and Faith later on in the season doesn’t make up for the rest of the season. Losing Cordy and Lilah are huge losses that also make this season my least favourite.

Friends

Favourite season: Season 3

This is a great season. Whilst every season of Friends is generally a mixed bag in terms of the quality of episodes, season 3 is pretty consistent. The ensemble feels at its strongest in this season and every episode gives focus to the group as a whole. Ross and Rachel’s relationship is great in this season and their break-up is genuinely heart-breaking; we have Janice this season who I find highly entertaining; Monica and Richard’s relationship which I enjoy (despite being a Mondler shipper) and of course, the chick and duck. Despite this being a sitcom, all of the characters go through genuine development in this season too. Joey gets to experience what it’s like to be on the other side of things when he falls for Kate who plays around with his feelings; Chandler navigates his first serious relationship with Janice where he has to try and overcome his fear of commitment and later deal with the hurt of their break-up; Monica deals with the loss of her first great love in Richard and has to reconsider what she wants from her future; Rachel progresses in her career and tries to establish her own identity and independence for the first time; Ross has to face up to the damage his relationship with Carol has done to him in regards to his jealousy and insecurity. It’s rare that we see character development like this in a sitcom, but season 3 is definitley a strong season for this. There are so many golden episodes from this season: TOW No One’s Ready, TOW the Flashback, TOW the Football and TOW the Morning After.

Least favourite season: Season 9

Lets get this straight, there’s no such thing as a bad season of Friends, however, this is the weasest season in my opinion. I don’t like Chandler’s move to Tulsa, the direction Ross and Rachel’s relationship takes, how Rachel’s feelings for Joey are handled and the two parter TO in Barbados is my least favourite season finale, I really, really don’t like those episodes. I also find that there are quite a lot of episodes in this season that are just plain bad and not funny like TOW the Sharks, TOW Phoebe’s rats and TOW Monica sings just to name a few. Overall, there’s not a single season 9 episode that I could name as being a favourite or even coming close to being on my top favourite episodes list.

The Vampire Diaries

Favourite season: Season 3

This is an easy choice for me (although season 2 is a very close second). I love season 3. It’s the season of the Originals and for that reason I can’t do anything else but love it. Klaus is the best villain and feels like a genuinely terrifying threat to the gang. The overall plot across the season is tight and well executed. Despite my dislike for the triangle, it’s handled amazingly in this season and it’s the only season where I can genuinely appreciate the triangle and the dynamics within it. As a Stelena shipper, I live for the angst between Stefan and Elena in this season and adore every single scene they have together. I also love Stefan’s arc with him being forced to become Klaus’ side-kick to save Damon and then being compelled to turn off his humanity despite how hard he fights against that. It’s a great season for Stefan’s character and shows the complexity of him better than the previous two seasons. Elena is also at her best in this season. Her strength and resillience really shines through and in this season she stops feeling like a by-stander and like someone that’s taking charge of her life and getting shit done. Alaric’s arc is dark and heart-breaking. Caroline and Tyler are strong in this season and they’re one of my favourite TVD ships. However, Klaus and Caroline’s dynamic is intruiging and brings a new flavour to the show. And although I never wanted Elena to become a vampire, the season finale is fantastic and a very strong ending to a brilliant season.

Least favourite season (note that I haven’t watched seasons 7 and 8): Season 5

Urgh, this season is just the worst. It totally retcons the mythology and history of the show with making Stefan a doppelganger. As much as I love Paul’s acting, Silas is such a crappy character. The Travellers are pointless; Damon and Elena’s on-again-off-again relationship is tiresome, the Augustine plot goes no where; the switch from high school to college is bumpy; Stefan is completely sidelined by awful writing choices; the best character on the show (Katherine) is done a huge disservice and her exit from the show is pitiful; Bonnie suffers once again (surprise, surprise); the introduction of Nadia just doesn’t work; there’s stupid scenes and episodes that are present for the sole reason of baiting Stelena shippers (5x04 and 5x18) and the finale is completely dumb. There’s not a single thing I like about this season.

Thanks for asking, lovely! 

[justanultrastressedwriter]

Aw Hell No - Ch IX

First Chapter                Previous           Next             Masterlist

TW: Swearing. Let me know if I should tag anything else, loves.

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*~ After School: Charlie’s House ~*

“C’mon, DJ. You can do it, it’s not that hard. Just text him and ask.” Charlie encouraged her best friend who was eyeing his phone like it was a ticking time bomb. 

“But what if he says no? Or he says yes? Oh, God, which is worse? What if it ends terribly and he never wants to see me again?” Daniel said, wringing his hands. 

“Daniel Alan James. Either you suck it up and do it yourself or I will, you wuss.” Charlie said, sternly, crossing her arms and looking so fed up with his bullshit. 

Which was justified, he had been agonizing over the decision for half an hour, but he saw his salvation. Daniel looked at his best friend with his signature puppy dog look, “Will you do it for me? Pretty please?”

Charlie rolled her eyes with a huff. “Fine. Just so you’ll stop obsessing.”

She grabbed his phone from him and rolled her eyes again as she typed out the message. “You do know that stupid puppy look that you do doesn’t work on me, right?”

Daniel knew otherwise, but let it slide as he grinned widely at his best friend. “Thank you so much, best friend! I’ll love you forever and ever!”

Charlie again rolled her eyes and gave Daniel his phone back, winking mischievously. “So, DJ, when are you gonna let your boy toy know that I know your dirty little secret?”

Daniel groaned, dropping his phone onto the bed and removing his glasses so he could rub at his face. “I don’t know, Charlie. He’ll be so mad, he really doesn’t want anyone to know and I don’t really blame him for that. But I haven’t even told my mom about it, I’ve been so scared. We’ve come so far and I don’t want him to go back to hating me.”

“Are you sure that want to get rid of the glow? That it’s just friendship you want with him? Because I say this as your best friend and I have to be completely honest with you, but I’ve never seen you act like this before. Ever since the two of you have started hanging out and shit, you’ve been acting differently.” Charlie said, looking at her nails with an eyebrow raised.

“Good different or bad different?” Daniel asked, confused. He hadn’t noticed anything different about himself, but what did he know?

“Don’t worry, it’s a good kind of different. You’ve been lighter somehow. I still think he’s an asshole and I hate him for everything he’s done to you but put all of that aside, you’ve been smiling more and you just seem more relaxed.” Charlie said with a kind smile.

A small smile crept onto Daniel’s face as he put his glasses back on, then began to fidget with a loose thread on his sweater sleeve, shyly. “He makes me happy when it’s just the two of us. We can just be ourselves, he makes the world feel lighter if that makes sense? Not to seem cheesy or whatever, but he makes my world a little brighter, with his stupid smile and his annoyingly positive attitude. Ugh.”

Daniel and Charlie both chuckled at that, but then Daniel continued, “I’d love to see where a relationship would take us if we acted on the glow, I think it could be amazing, but I don’t want to be his dirty little secret and, God, who knows if it would even be a healthy relationship with all of our history. I don’t know if I could forgive him for everything.”

“Well, duh, this fuckhead has been basically torturing you for over a decade. That’s not something you easily forgive. And I know that you don’t like to talk about what happened with Kyle freshman year, but it was mostly his fault and you know it.” Charlie said and just the sound of his name was enough to send Daniel’s stomach into a hurl and bring tears to his eyes. 

“You don’t think I know that, Charlie? I still have dreams about him and it kills me.” Daniel snapped, his voice filled with enough venom to make Charlie flinch. Daniel’s shoulders slumped with guilt and sadness. He hung his head in shame, “I’m sorry, Charlie. I didn’t mean to snap, but sometimes I just miss him so much and I’m still so angry about everything. He deserved so much better than that.”

Charlie pulled Daniel into a hug, “I know you do and I know he did. You both did, honey. What happened wasn’t right at all.”

They hugged for a few minutes in silence, both lost in their thoughts until Daniel pulled away, rubbing at his eyes. God, he hated to think about that. That party had been the worst night of his life. 

“I think you guys need to have a serious talk about these things. He needs to know how much you’re still affected by this.” Charlie said, rubbing Daniel’s back. “And don’t even try to tell me that you have, I know you too well. You bottle everything up and refuse to talk about any kind of legitimate emotion. I’m your best friend and everything I know about your emotions, I have had to fight tooth and nail for. The same goes for your mother too.” 

Daniel was about to respond but was silenced by the dinging of his forgotten phone resting on the bed. Daniel felt his face pale, “It’s him, Charlie. I need you to look first, I can’t do it.”

Charlie nodded and picked up Daniel’s phone, looking at the message. She grinned, “Well, he said yes if that boosts your mood at all.”

“It kind of does, but it also brings out a huge panic in me,” Daniel said, rubbing his forehead tiredly. 

“Fair, but text him back with the details and we’ll deal with the rest later. Baby steps, doll, it’ll be okay.” Charlie said, soothingly and Daniel knew she was right. 

Charlie and Daniel had a friend named Darla, who had met Charlie through swim camp, who was throwing a raging birthday bash that following weekend at her parents’ lake house almost an hour away. Charlie suggested that Daniel bring Connor along. Daniel relayed all of the relevant information to Connor in a quick text. 

Daniel decided not to tell Connor that Charlie knew about them, because there was no way that it would end well. Daniel trusted Charlie with his life and everything that he held dear. She had been one of the only two people in his life that had supported him no matter what and she was his second favorite person (after his mom, of course). But Daniel had no right to expect that kind of trust from Connor. The two of them barely knew each other. Their only interactions were at the twice a year mandatory sports banquets that required them to be cordial and polite as well as whenever she would yell at Connor for bullying Daniel in the hallways. 

When he knew that Charlie wasn’t looking, he let out a quiet sigh and rubbed his forehead to try and relieve some of the pressure that was starting to form a stress headache before returning back to his sketchbook. He only wished that his life could be easier.

[pass-the-bechdel]

Buffy S2E21 ‘Becoming Part 1′

Does it pass the Bechdel Test?

Yes, four times and with more than one female character at once.

How many female characters (with names and lines) are there?

5 (38%)

How many male characters (with names and lines) are there?

8

Positive Content Rating:

Three.

General Episode Quality:

Eh

MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) UNDER THE CUT:

Passing the Bechdel:

Buffy, Cordelia, and Willow pass talking about tutoring. Willow and Buffy pass while Willow’s tutoring.  Willow and Buffy talk about the spell. Kendra gives Buffy Mr. Pointy.

Female characters:

Darla

Buffy

Cordelia

Drusilla

Kendra

Male characters:

Angel

Xander

Giles

Doug Perren

Oz

Principle Snyder

Spike

Whistler

OTHER NOTES:

I feel robbed that we didn’t get Angel using the Irish accent throughout the series. Would have at least given me something to laugh at.

Having Angel suck Darla’s blood by face planting into her boobs isn’t even sexy. It’s just fucking weird. (And obviously a chance to be like ‘oooooh sexy boobs with blood on them’ but I digress)

I feel like everyone just handling this ancient relic in a an exposed area without any sort of gear to protect it from the damage humans do is some bad science-ing.

Willow loving teaching and tutoring Buffy. It’s so sweet. I love.

We already knew that Angel psychology tortured Drusilla. Did we really have to see it?

Hey, Xander, stop being an insensitive dick. The point he’s making that Angel should be held accountable could be valid but he’s not even considering what Buffy’s feeling. Instead he’s just implying that Buffy doesn’t care about what happened to Jenny at all, when instead it’s been torturing her since it happened. In fact, the only person who seems to give a damn about how hard this is for Buffy is Willow.

Buffy doing an imitation of the American actresses’ imitation of a Caribbean accent is even worse.

I am a fan of seeing Buffy being told she’s the Slayer. Some quick thoughts though: this being Angel’s first time seeing her makes their relationship even creepier. Like, he’s been following her from the get. Also, after generations you’d think the Watchers would be a lot better at this whole ‘you’re the chosen one’ conversation. It’s not like teenage girls suddenly got willful in the past couple of decades. Editor’s Note: I can’t understand how the chronic pedophile vibes of Angel’s whole Buffy-stalking history didn’t give the writers serious pause. Why would you try to sell this as romantic? It was already gross and creepy as Hell, but giving Angel’s obsession with Buffy this earlier-than-previously-known start really ramps up the ick factor. 

School in the 90s was wild. A stranger in a hood can just walk through the school and into a classroom and no one starts hiding from the potential shooter.

I know it’s meant to be all ‘Kendra’s weird and out of touch’ but her offering Buffy her favorite stake is really sweet.

*snickers in Minnesotan* Al Franken

Drusilla has no reason to be this good of a fighter. Like, we’ve seen her be out of it and spacey this whole time and she’s suddenly this coordinated and fluid being? And, once again, I am vexed by her ill defined psychic powers.

KENDRA DESERVED BETTER. They seriously brought back their one woc just to have her play support and then kill her off in a way that doesn’t even make sense. Booooooooo.

That aside, it was okay. Clearly we have some dramatics to come. Onward to the finale.

[ifeveristoday]

Buffy Summers’s Diary (VIII)

Buffy Summers’s Diary VIII

Shout out to @gracenm for reccing this fic! I really appreciate that you comment on every diary entry. 😊

1 iced tea

1 not date

1 unexpected guest

38 days until I can go on my summer vacation

 There’s nothing to be done. I am clearly cursed and I should just retreat to the safety of a nunnery somewhere. Are there still nunneries around? Maybe I should check. Or an alpaca farm – they look cute and I could knit myself a sweater. To keep me cozy because I am not fit for human company, romantic or otherwise. That’s me, Buffy the social leper.

It wouldn’t have been so embarrassing if the beginning of the date, hangout was bad too – like Angel was late and we had a flat tire, or fires broke out on the promenade, something majorly inconvenient – but everything was fine. Angel arrived at my apartment exactly at twelve o’clock. I let him inside while I double checked that I turned off my stove.

‘This is nice,’ Angel said, looking around my apartment.

‘I know, it’s small,’ I tossed a blanket over the suddenly obvious wine stain on my couch. ‘Give me a second to put on my sneakers.’

‘No, I mean it – it feels comfortable. You get a lot of light here.’

‘That’s partly why I picked it – it’s really great in summer, all the sunlight streams into the living room. I just need to remember to draw the curtains at night.’

I slipped on my sneakers. ‘Okay. All ready – where are we going?’

Angel offered his arm. ‘It’s fairly close to my work – I eat there a lot.’

‘Sounds great. What’s the name?’

‘Caritas bar and grill.’

‘We’re going to a bar?’ I touched the crook of his arm carefully. I could smell the same cologne he used from the interview – it was a clean, kind of woodsy scent. Like the fresh air in a forest or something. ‘Are you going to be okay?’

‘They also serve non-alcoholic drinks, Buffy.’ Angel smiled. ‘And I’m on my lunch break – so it’s not really wine o’clock.’

‘Oh, right. I mean – I know you wouldn’t drink anyway,’ I could feel myself start to babble. My face started to heat up.

‘They actually have really good coffee. And I know what you meant. The temptation is there, but I’ve gotten better at ignoring it.’

‘How long have you been sober? Is that okay to ask?’

‘Yeah. It’s been seven years.’

He squeezed my hand as I let go of his arm so I could lock my door.

There was a slight shock. I jumped. ‘Sorry! Static – I knew I should have used more fabric softener.’

‘It’s okay, Buffy.’ There was a definite laughing tone in his voice – I looked at him, but Angel’s poker face was legendary for a reason.

‘So, what’s new with you?’

He led me to his car, a sleek black bullet of a machine and I stared at it for a minute. ‘Are you Batman, Angel?’

This time he really did laugh. ‘I’d be making a lot more money if I was.’

  So I survived small talk while Angel drove us to Caritas. We talked about work – he liked his job and looking up obscure laws to cite precedence for his briefs, I told him about Young Media pivoting more to video and growing our social media, which meant I had to make a twitter and Instagram account. Which meant I had to block a lot of troll accounts who kept on sliding into my DMs with filthy pictures.

‘I’m glad I’m not on social media,’ Angel said after I told him the latest entry into my ban hall of fame. ‘Email is about as technical as I’m willing to get.’

‘It has its uses,’ I shrug. ‘Mostly for porn and cat pictures.’

‘Well,’ Angel said after a long pause. ‘We’re here.’

He got out and opened my door while I was clicking my seatbelt free. Then my brain helpfully reminded me that I had mentioned porn and cat pictures in the same breath to Angel, and I froze.

‘Buffy? What’s wrong?’

 ‘I forgot how easy it was to talk to you. And that I usually said stupid stuff.’

‘You didn’t say anything stupid.’ Angel clicked his key fob and his batmobile beeped. ‘And I like that you’re comfortable with me.’

‘Oh,’ I said.

‘I missed being friends with you,’ he said softly. ‘It was chance that I saw you at your mother’s party.’

‘And I brought up Darla. I’m really sorry about that, by the way.’

‘You didn’t know. I overreacted.’ He cleared his throat. ‘Where do you want to sit? At the bar or outside on the patio?’

  Caritas was the coolest bar/grill/lounge I’ve been to in a long time. The owner, Lorne, happened to be one of Angel’s oldest friends. He comped my iced tea (nonalcoholic), Angel’s coffee, and our appetizers (mini tacos and pulled pork sliders). A small mountain of sliders appeared in front of Angel and he pushed the platter at me. ‘Lorne’s generosity at work again. Have some, please.’

‘Are you sure? I have my tacos.’

‘I’m sure. I’m surprised Lorne didn’t drown you in tacos too.’

‘I think he has a crush on you,’ I grinned and reached for a slider. ‘He’s been looking over at us the entire time.’

Angel glanced over at the host podium. Lorne’s dark green head swiveled the other way. ‘Huh,’ he said.

‘What, no man has ever hit on you before?’ I teased. I bit into the slider and I couldn’t help the small moan that escaped my mouth. ‘This is really good,’ I mumbled.

Angel’s gaze flickered to my lips. ‘Do I have sauce?’

He touched the corner of my mouth. ‘Just a little here.’ He wiped it off with his thumb, and then sat back in his chair.

‘It’s not that. It’s that we’re friends. Lorne flirts with everyone.’

‘He didn’t flirt with me,’ I pointed out.

Angel raised an eyebrow. ‘Do you want to be flirted with?’

‘Well, it’s not necessary, and it wouldn’t be real anyway. But it’s nice sometimes. I mean I know he’s gay, so it really doesn’t mean anything –’

‘Lorne’s not gay,’ Angel interrupted. ‘He’s pan -pansexual, he said. Something about falling in love with someone’s aura, not their gender.’

‘Oh. That’s lovely.’ I finished another slider and dabbed at my lips. ‘It’s poetic, even.’

‘Yeah. He’s a really good judge of character. Do you want more?’

The platter was empty, a smear of barbecue sauce the only evidence left behind.

‘I didn’t realize I was that hungry,’ I mumbled. ‘Sorry about that.’

‘Don’t be. They were delicious.’ Angel opened the menu again. ‘Do you mind if I order for us?’

‘You’re the expert – order away.’

That’s when the curse struck. I was lulled into a false sense of security and also halfway through a plate of butterfly shrimp and wedge salad when an exasperated voice jolted me out of my food coma. ‘Angel! There you are. Honey, I called you a million times. Did you forget our date?’

I knew that voice. It was a voice that had a black credit card and stiletto office shoes which were totally different from her going home stilettos.

I looked up. Cordelia’s immaculately made-up face met my gaze. She snorted. ‘Really? Her? Angel, when you said old friend, I didn’t know you meant Buffy Summers.’

‘You know Angel?’ I said just as he said, ‘Cordy, now is not the time.’

‘It is so the time,’ Cordelia said. ‘You told me if I didn’t hear from you at our agreed time, I was going to come and save you from the terrible date.’

‘This was a date?’ I said as Angel’s face went white. ‘Buffy – it’s not what you think –‘

‘You know her? Did you also know I work with her? Was this a joke you guys set up?’ I stood up.

‘Please, like I think about you after hours,’ Cordelia sniffed. ‘Angel, come on. I shuffled my appointment with Claudio, he can still fit me in if we leave right now.’

I didn’t bother to stick around to hear what excuse Angel gave. I just picked up my purse and ran out of there.

 My phone kept on ringing until I turned it off. Lorne might have shouted after me, but I didn’t hear what he said.

 Like I said, cursed.

I didn’t know I wanted it to be a date until Cordelia thoroughly squashed that idea underneath her pointy heel.

I thought we were on equal footing finally – we were both single and generally had our lives together – okay, maybe he was more put together than I was. But I was okay – work was fine, and aside from random gross intervals from strangers, I was enjoying interacting with people on social media. I felt like my old self – before all the pressure and the lying and control issues took over. Like I was seventeen again – but actually better.

 Obviously, that wasn’t meant to last. Goodbye with-it Buffy. Hello, sister of our perpetual Alpaca, can I set you up with a sweater? I am cursed and I deserve ice cream.

 The pounding on my door roused me from my chocolate mint chip sponsored stupor on my couch. ‘What,’ I grumped loudly.

‘Open the door, stupid!’

I sat up. ‘Dawnie?’

‘Yes. Open the door, my arms are about to break off.’

I walked over and peered through the peephole. My sister’s annoyed face looked back at me. She was surrounded by various suitcases.

I opened the door.

‘Did you forget to charge your phone or something? I’ve been calling you for the past four hours.’

‘What is all this?’ I waved my hand at her luggage.

She pulled the handle of her largest suitcase and pushed past me. ‘Duh, I’m moving in. Be careful with the purple bag, it’s got all my makeup in it.’

‘When did I agree to that? What happened with Dad?’ I picked up the purple duffel and nearly fell over. ‘Do you have an iron in here?’

Dawn’s voice floated out of my bedroom. ‘If you answered your phone like a normal person, you would know why I’m here.’

‘I turned it off.’ I dragged the rest of her luggage inside.

‘Okay, well – it’s a long story.’

‘So tell me, since apparently, you’re living here now. Couldn’t you stay with Janice?’

Dawn frowned. ‘Janice is going to grad school in Sacramento. I’m not moving to Sacramento.’

‘Wow. Good for Janice.’

‘Yeah it’s great.’ Dawn moved into my kitchen and started opening cabinets. ‘Where do you keep your glasses? I need a drink.’

‘No you don’t,’ I said on autopilot. Dawn scowled at me. ‘I’ve been legal to drink for three years now.’

‘Fine. That one. But I don’t have any alcohol in the house. It’s juice, water, or milk.’

‘Ugh, you’re boring.’ Dawn opened the refrigerator. ‘I’m here because Dad’s new girlfriend moved in, and there’s no way I’m living with that.’

‘Oh god. How old is this one?’ I sank into a chair.

‘Twenty seven,’ Dawn announced.

‘Wow. Only two years younger than me this time,’ I said.

‘Yes, she’s practically an adult,’ Dawn muttered. ‘I’m not here for the Hank and Shelly show.’

‘Her name is Shelly?’

‘No, it’s Michelle, but she prefers to be called Shelly.’

Dawn emerged with a carton of orange juice. ‘Dad swears that she’s the one.’

‘Like all the other ones. Got it.’

‘I’d have moved out sooner except all the nice places I wanted were way out of my price range and I didn’t want to have roommates.’

‘So you came to me.’

‘I’ve lived with you before. Sometimes.’

‘Uh huh. Well – I did say you could come over anytime.’

‘You didn’t, but I appreciate you lying to save my feelings.’ Dawn poured us both a glass of juice. ‘Do you know you have a huge barbecue stain on your dress?’

‘Damn it. It’s the curse.’ 

previous entry | next entry

[fluteydeservedbetter]

Season 1

Season 1 is so nice and short. I always kind of forget about it because it’s the first one, but there are some real gems in here! Let’s take a look shall we?

12. Never Kill a Boy on the First Date

This one is quite possibly more forgettable than Teacher’s Pet. Literally the only thing that happens here is that Angel gets jealous of Buffy for the first time and also we are introduced to the Annoying One, sorry, the Anointed One. Other than that though, Owen isn’t even all that attractive so I’m not sure why Buffy and Cordelia are all over him. Ugh I just can’t handle this episode.

11. Teacher’s Pet

Poor Xander. He never gets a break ever. And it starts so early on for him too! This episode has always been kind of meh for me. It’s our first monster character that Buffy has to defeat, it’s our first time Xander falls for someone who is evil. But other than that, it’s very forgettable. But I LOVE LOVE LOVE the scene between Buffy and the old biology man teacher. He’s so sweet to her and teachers are always so mean to her so it’s really nice to see him. Too bad he dies.

10. I Robot, You Jane

Ok tbh this episode is not great, but it’s not the worst of Season 1! JENNY IS INTRODUCED HELLO!!! We finally get more character growth for Giles!! They are end game. I love them and they deserved SO MUCH BETTER! Anyways, watching them flirt for the first time is incredible. Poor Willow, this was her turn to fall in love with evil. At least she ends up in two of the best relationships of the show. Also that moment at the end when they all realize that all of their future relationships are doomed is HILARIOUS.

9. The Harvest

We have our first major character death! In the second episode! Poor Jesse. He deserved better. Also Xander deserved better than accidentally killing his best friend lol I am a firm believer that he should have had to for real kill him. But I never noticed that Xander saves Cordelia in this episode?! I’m team Cordelia and Xander 5EVER!!! Anyways, this is the first of many times that we see The Master press against that weird barrier and then he fails to be free. It gets boring after a while. Also very clever having Angel in the crypt during the day trying to hide the fact he’s a vamp. Go Joss!

8. Welcome to the Hellmouth

The one that started it all. I forgot HOW 90S THIS SHOW IS OH MY GOD. Willows dress. Buffy’s hair. XANDER’S hair. Giles isn’t funny yet (which is tragic in itself). But it starts off everything! The Master is introduced! Angel is introduced and looks fine as hell! Darla is also fine as hell but also a lot more annoying as a vampire than I remember. So cheesy. So good. It’s just such a good opening episode.

7. The Pack

Wow ok I’ve never appreciated this episode until now. It’s not like any other episode, but in this case it really works! I LOVE dark Xander. He’s such an underappreciated character so I love when episodes feature him and Nicholas Brendon can actually show off what he can do. Also. PRINCIPAL FLUTEY AND THE PIG DESERVED BETTER!! Honestly probably the two most innocent characters that get killed on this show. RIP.

6. The Puppet Show

Ok this is just a really good episode. Also has anybody else noticed that there are like no vampire centered episodes for a lot of this season? Or maybe this was just a big stretch of monster focused episodes. Anyways, this is a great episode, where the thing you think is the monster is actually the hero! The end half of season 1 is actually so good I love it. Also I side with Buffy, dummies are terrifying. Also this is when Principal Snyder shows up for the first time and I truly love to hate him. OH MY GOD ALSO WHEN THEY SHOW THE CREDITS BUT ALSO THE THREE OF THEM DOING THEIR TERRIBLE SCENE HAHAHAHA!!

5. Witch

Ok so things get really serious in the THIRD episode of the entire series. Honestly I like this because it really makes the magic thing work for the whole rest of the series. Introduce it early, people get used to it right away. Amy is a great character but she turns annoying after this episode for sure. This episode is a huge for firsts! First magic, first eyes go black magic, first time someone is for real out to kill Buffy, first time we see Amy. This episode was a lot more enjoyable this time around.

4. Nightmares

BABY JOSEPH GORDON LEVITT!! Aside from that, this episode is awesome. Nightmares coming to life? Genius! My heart breaks for Buffy when her dad says she’s the reason for the divorce. Xander and his clown are hilarious. I DIE when Willow is terrified to sing and just kind of squawks out a note. It’s just so clever and everyone gets their moment, even Cordelia! A solid penultimate episode for the first season. Probably the cheeriest penultimate episode of any season.

3. Out of Mind, Out of Sight

This is another episode that I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it during this rewatch! I always love Cordelia episodes. She’s honestly one of the most underrated characters on this show. I miss her. Also she thinks Buffy is in a gang which is HILARIOUS. But also we really start to get to know her this episode which is about damn time. When she talks about how lonely she is I FEEL for her. This episode also makes her start to realize the consequences of her actions and how she treats the people around her. AND it’s also the first time Cordelia is actually a part of the Scooby Gang and she honestly just adds such a hilarious dynamic to the group. My only complaint is like...where did Marcy go? What happened to that crazy school she went to? Is she watching me right now?

2. Angel

BUFFY AND ANGEL 5EVER!!! Ok I just had to get that off my chest. I love Spike, but I will always be Team Angel. He and Buffy are just so good. This episode is so good. Mainly because SHIRTLESS ANGEL but also because we finally get to know who this mysterious man is! We also lose Darla, aka The Master loses Darla aka his right hand woman. This is by far one of the best episodes of Season 1. This is when people can finally commit to watching the whole series because you can’t help but want to see more Angel. Always. Every episode please. Ok I’m done now.

1. Prophecy Girl

Ok wow this is such a good episode. I laughed, I cried, I loved. It’s the perfect Season 1 finale. BUFFY DIES IN THE SEASON 1 FINALE GUYS DO YOU KNOW HOW CRAZY THAT IS?! I literally have no words for ths. That speech she gives when she finds out she’s going to die? It brings me to tears every single time. And Angel still loves her so much and he’s so sad but there’s nothing he can do. The Master is underwhelming as a villain compared to all of the other Big Bads, but he’s not bad for a first season!

[imazsadist-blog]

#TheSong #BeforeTheAwakening Chapter 18

#BeforeTheAwakening #Chapter18 #TheSong (Dedicated to @TimelessKate and @KoldestKhy. I know you've had a rough year, Katie. I hope this brings you a moment's respite and joy. Khy, Thank you for your unwavering support, it means more than I can say.) [The first few days at the estate of #Phury’s acquaintance, I spent hulled up in the room I'd been given. Trays of food that were left at the door of the room went untouched, except for the green apples, oranges and bananas that would be put upon the tray as an afterthought. Berries went untouched. There was no barrier to insure their safety. After a thorough inspection to ensure that the skin or peel of each piece was unaltered, I deemed them acceptable to ingest. On the third night, all that I found as I peeked through a crack in the door to be sure that no one was around when I retrieved the tray, was a small mountain of the fruits. With a grunt, I took the entire contents of the tray into the room. Clothing was also left, freshly laundered in a stack outside of the door each night. After being left naked for, what I had learned was one hundred years, the threads often felt heavy, rough and confining over my flesh, but I preferred having as much of myself as possible covered. I only disrobed to bath. That task I took to regularly, often rubbing my skin raw, futily attempting to rid myself of the filth, the rot of the mistress. I knew I would never be rid of it, however, the abrasions on my flesh were a welcome reminder that I lived. #Phury came and visited, spoke to me at the beginning and end of each night. I did not know why, the topics he spoke of held little interest to me. I did not much care for the chatter of finding the young abandoned king. Did not have interest in interacting with the males he spoke with of such plans. I knew that whatever plan he made next, I would be beside him, do what was necessary, but discuss it? Nae, that was not required for me. When the beast sharing brain space stopped railing at my skull that we needed to escape because the chambers I inhabited began to feel like my cell, I began to venture out of my room. First, I would step into it hall, inspect my surroundings, then return to my chambers. Eventually, I wandered to the end of the hall then back. If ever I heard a sound, I would duck into an alcove or behind a tapestry. I did not enjoy the startled looks of terror on the faces of those who encountered me, and did not wish to give any doggen an unnecessary fright. On one such occasion as I skulked in the shadows, I discovered the doggen passageways. Tentatively, I entered, my heightened hearing attuned to any sound that might signal an impending discovery. I found I was able to move more freely than before through these passageways. The space was confining, my broad shoulders often scraping along the jagged stone walls, but I barely felt it. The pain helped keep me centered, made me better able to silence the monster in my mind screaming to get out. After several of my excursions, learning the passageways, when was the best time to venture into them, when the doggen were least busy, I became emboldened. Rousing from my daytime slumber on the palette in my chambers, I knew that the dim passages would allow me free reign without fear of the sunlight. The drafty castle became colder over time but it wasn't until I caught the remnants of snow on the ground that I noticed. The beast roared to life as I was taken back to the night of my attempted and unsuccessful escape from the mistress. The view of the moon as I was tackled to the snow blanketed ground. The beauty of the landscape as I was dragged back to my nightmare. Fangs elongated, chest heaving as the walls began to close in around me, I slammed my fists into the walls to keep them at bay. Just as I was about to sprint from the passage in a mindless rage, the sound of soft, tinkling keys hit my ears, pulling me from the brink. Momentarily distracted, I stilled. Listening intently, I was moving before I realized it. Back up the passage from winst I came, I didn't stop until I could hear the sounds clearly. The beautiful melody came from a small room full of books and a few instruments. I could see through a crack in the passageway wall, a doggen speaking softly to two young. My eyes transfixed, I had not seen any young of my race since prior to my own transition. A very young male and slightly older female stood, attention rapt on the female doggen sitting at the harpsichord. She was speaking softly to them, explaining that in a fortnight, their parents would be hosting a solstice ball and that they would be singing songs for the guests. Both young seemed to puff with excitement at the idea. I held my breath, so intrigued at the scene playing out before me, for fear of being discovered, not breathing again until her fingers began to play over the keys. As the melody filled the air, my eyes closed. Crouched down in the corner of the passage, I listened, letting the sound of the doggen’s voice harmonized with the tune she played wash over me. I was transported to a different time, a life lived by a being that no longer existed. But I knew the words. Straining to hear every chord, my heart pounded in my chest. This song was old. Traditional. I was a young servant boy, crouched down, much like I was this day, hiding from my duties so that I could listen to the music playing during the raucous extravaganza. Music playing in the castle I served as a young servant boy was always something that spoke to me… I hadn't heard a note in over a hundred years. That thought sat heavy on my chest. What else had I missed? Would I never know again? The young servant boy was long dead. No remnants of him remained. I was a monster now, inside and out. I did not deserve these simple pleasures. I was tainting the purity of the moment by my eavesdropping. Darkness overtaking my mind, I moved back through the passage soundlessly, then to my chambers. That evening, when #Phury arose, he mentioned the solstice ball, and that our hosts had invited us. I could only scowl my response to him. And yet, the next day, at the same time as the previous, I squeezed my massive body into the corner of the passageway outside of the library and listened to the music lessons. The organ in my chest seemed to thrum along with the tune. It was the only way I knew the thing still beat. I returned everyday. When the soft voices of the young joined the song, I found the corner of my scarred lips twitching oddly. When I caught myself humming along to the tune, I would press my lips together, quieting the sound I emitted. I began to live for those precious moments everyday where the music allowed me to escape within my own morbid mind. I had to wrestle with my own objections, reason away my reservations. I was hurting no one. No one had to know. Nevertheless, I was careful not to be seen. Or at least, I thought I was. It was getting to be later in the evening as the lesson finished. The young left the library with the doggen and I turned to move quietly back towards my room. I was halfway down the dimly lit hall that lead to the room I was given, when a came up short. Two small beings stood before me, having been quieter than mice and given me a scare I wouldn't have expect, which told me I had become careless and let down my guard. Dropping my eyes, I kept my head bowed, not wanting to frighten the young by the look of me. I stilled on spot, anticipating and readying myself for the worst. Surely they would inform someone that they knew I'd been watching. What other reason would they be here? “Who are you? Do you like our singing? We could hear you singing too.” The questions came in rapid fire succession, two from the younger boy, the last statement from the female. I knew the subtle differences in their small squeaky voices by now. Keeping my gaze on my feet, my voice low, I was compelled to answer them, for what reason, I couldn't name.] My brother and I are guests of your father. You both sing very well. My apologies. I am sorry. I will not return to listen. [To my shock and horror, they moved closer. Needing to keep them at least in my periphery, I lifted my head, stealing myself for the screams that were sure to follow. Surely my brother and I would be gone by the setting of the sun. What I found instead, were tilted heads, curious gazes, faces screwed up in thought...innocent curiosity, my chest thumped with an ache that I could not name. “Someone hurt you. They were bad.” It was the girl that spoke. Throat closing to constrict my voice, my eyes burning in response to her words, I could only nod. I noticed the boy’s curious gaze fall to the heavy black bands marking my wrists as he frowned, echoing the girl. “Very bad.” I could not speak for fear that I would crumble at the feet of these young who in one sentence had shown me more compassion than any I'd come across in my long cursed life aside from the male who called himself my twin...and the gentle servant girl I'd never forgotten the kindness of. “Will you sing with us?” Confusion mixed with my shock at this next request, and my mutilated expression must have communicated this because the girl rushed on to explain. “Miss Darla would never tell us if we weren't singing it right and we want mahmen and papa to be surprised so we...need someone else to...tell us the truth.” The hope in her expression was almost too much to take. When I nodded my assent, the smiles they gifted me with almost split my chest in two. That moment I knew there was some good in this wretched world, even if it only lived within these two, kind souls.] Tomorrow, after your lesson. You can come here and we will sing. But it can be only tomorrow. You cannot get in trouble because of me. [With a squeal I thought would surely notify the household of our whereabouts, the ruffle clad girl and dapper dressed boy bounced passed me, further down the hall, obviously knowing exactly where they were headed. I stood for a few moments, blinking in disbelief as they disappeared around a corner. Was I drugged again? Hallucinating? That had to be it. Scowling at the floor in front of me, I made my way down the remainder of the path, exiting into the hall, crossing it and entering the chambers. Replaying the interaction with the young kept my mind occupied through the night and into the next day. Had it happened? Or was I so preoccupied that I'd dreamed it? Would I meet the young after the lesson? As I bathed then dressed in the early morning hours, the fact that I had not slept barely registered. I was so curious about what the day might hold for us, I barely heard any of the words #Phury had spoken at his visit just before dawn. There had been more mention of the ball, but I had tuned it out immediately. A fleeting thought passed across my mind, if I attended the ball I could see the young perform… but dismissed the idea immediately. The young may not have looked at me with judgment or disgust, but that did not mean that the guests at the solstice celebration would not. I was not under such delusions there. Still, by mid afternoon, I was making my way down the passage. Stopping just before I squeezed into my usual spot, I picked up a piece of parchment that was laying on the ground. If there were words written on it, I wouldn't know what they said, but I did not think this was the case. Random markings in different colors marred the page. I was not sure what if anything it was supposed to be, but I knew that it was the most beautiful drawing I had ever seen. Folding it carefully, I slid it into the pocket of my breeches and curled myself into the corner as I heard the young and doggen enter the room beyond the wall, drying my wet eyes on my sleeve. As the lesson progressed, I mouth the words to the song, wanting to practice myself before our secret meeting. When the doggen drew the lesson to a close, my pulse jumped. I could not name the feelings churning within me, but to say that they were good. Unfamiliar, unknown, but there was no dread. No fear. Those I knew. These were the opposite. Quieter than I had been before, I returned to where I had encountered the young the day before and lowered myself to the floor, sitting with my back to the stone. In moments, as promised, they appeared. I did not know if I was nervous or something else all together, nor did I know how to begin. The later I did not have to concern myself with as both young leapt into conversation talking one over the other as they too sat, facing me. I watched in wonder, barely catching what either was saying as the rattled on, until they talked themselves out of breath. Both looked at me in such delight at just having delivered the news of the world to me an odd rumbling noise parted my disfigured lips. Whatever the sound, it caused their grins to widen as my brows furrowed.] We should practice if you wish. [Inclining my head when they both nodded rapidly, I cleared my throat, closed my eyes, and sang. Their voices joined right in as we recited the first verse we three had memorized. It was as I sang the second verse that I noticed my voice stood alone. Opening my eyes, I met the looks of both children, gaping slack jawed at me. Scowling, I dipped my head.] I am sorry. I must have it wrong. [The girl barely shook her head as the boy's voice whispered. “Beautiful” Heat suffused my sallow features as the girl nodded. “Like an angel.” Not knowing what to say or do, I hurried from the hidden hall and rushed to my room, chest heaving as if I had run a long distance as fast as I could. The elated feeling I had experienced earlier, fell like a lump in my stomach. I should not have agreed to meet with them. It was reckless. Careless. And yet, the next day, I was compelled once more to the lessons. I would remain and observer. Only listening. I would not interact with the young again. With these self imposed rules in place, keeping boundaries, I could listen to the last few lessons before the ball. That lasted one day as on the next, although I had left my hiding spot before the end of the lesson, both young stood, small hands on small hips, aiming stern looks in my direction when I rounded the last corner of the passageway to my room. The looks they gave me had me ducking my head so that they could not see the ticking at the corner of my lips.] I am sorry, young miss. Young sir. I am not used to nice things being said to me. Should not have run off and left you. [They looked at each other and seemed to deem my apology worthy, because they both plunked down on stone floor as if ready to get back to business. How could I refuse them when they looked at me so expectantly? Settling myself before them, I cleared my throat as I had before, and began to sing. We made it through the entire song this time, all of us exhaling in unison on the last note.] You are both doing very well. I think you will make your mahmen and papa very happy. [The compliment that was strained at first, as I knew not how to give one, was choked at the end. The idea of a home with a mated pair, happy, thoughtful young, was one I had never experienced and never would. Clearing my throat for an all together different reason than before, I closed my black eyes for a moment before continuing. I did not want them to think they had done anything in error, which in itself was a completely foreign concept to me. Caring about how others felt in regard to me.] You will be the talk of the celebration tomorrow night. [With a firm not after meeting each of their hopeful gazes, I pushed to my feet, needing to escape, but wanting my departure to be less abrupt that the last.] May the Scribe Virgin bless you both tomorrow. [With a final glance, I nodded, and was on my way. I knew I likely would not see them again and that pit sank back into my stomach. How odd that I had barely known these young, and yet, I knew that as my miserable existence stretched before me, I would not forget them. I did not venture to listen to what I knew would be the last practice before the ball. I knew that with preparations under way, the doggen would be scurrying through the passageways endlessly. Only a few times during my visits had I scared any of them. I did not want to disturb any of the happenings of the day. The voice whispered through my mind telling me that it was because I wanted to preserve my memory of the young as it was, to which I could only grimace. It also told me to be ready. Something was coming. Do not find comfort here. Heeding the ominous warning, I gathered one change of the clothing I had been given, and tucked them into a small rucksack with the drawing the young had left me. #Phury stopped by my room as the sun set early on the eve of the winter solstice. Our raced loved the fall of the longest night. He asked once more if I wanted to join him for the festivities. He was dressed as any formal male of the glymera would be, and the attire turned my stomach. After many a celebration the mistress would bring her harem of males down to my cell to use me to top off their night. Shaking my head rapidly, I swallowed against the bile that threatened to rise. I knew the looks I would receive if I was idiotic enough to show my ruined face. Fear, judgment, disgust, pity… I wanted none of it. Another boon of our stay at this home however, was that #Phury was now fitted with a false wooden leg and was walking almost seamlessly with the help of a sleek, black cane. That alone was worth being in a glymera home. It would help in our future travel. He exited my room and I began to pace the length of it, an odd swirling in my gut. Not for myself, but...nerves, if I had to try and name it, for the children's performance that I knew would be towards the beginning of the evening. I cleaned several apples to the core as I paced, scraping them clean with my fangs. I didn't pause until I heard the smallest rapping of a knock on my door. Curious as a sudden feeling of dread settled over me, I could not fathom a reason for the summons. Even so, I opened the door the smallest of space, I saw no one as a frown creased my brow. In the next second,my head snapped down as both young began to talk over each other, their excited words tumbling forth in an avalanche as they shared their excitement about their rousing success with me. Features smoothing, I opened to door, crouching down to their high to better listen. The moment I did, they flung themselves at me, wrapping there small arms around my knees. Arms snapped out to brace myself on the door jam and not tip over, I froze, mind and body. Terror froze my veins, the fear of the taint, the dirt their innocent, pure beings could contract by a touch...Even touching them to dislodge them could make it worse. A commotion down the hall had my instincts snapping my mind from the frozen terror. In one smooth motion, I had removed them from me and leapt over them, crouching protectively in front of them, fangs bared as a growl rumbled my chest. I heard the small gasps of fear behind me as the master of the house rounded the corner, accompanied by his guard, Phury behind them all. Belatedly, I realized what the scene they had come upon could look like, and it was in no way favorable to me. I knew that to move, would be to forfeit my life. Of course the young leaving the ball in their excitement to find me would not go unnoticed. As the heirs of a family of worth, they would be monitored at all time. Things I should have realized when I found them at my door alone. This too was my fault, but worse was the look of disappointment on #Phury’s features as his eyes fell downcast, obviously assuming the worst of his barbaric twin. Not that I could blame him. The young likely saved my life as they ran towards their father, both jabbering on. The guards were on me in the next moment. It took everything in me not to fight back as they slammed my face into the cold stone floor. One word rang louder than any other as the children sought to explain to a father who would not listen to them. “Friend". Black eyes rose to get one last glimpse of the kindness I had never dreamed to experience. Even as the young boy stretched his tiny rounded hand towards me, tears tracking down his sister’s cheeks, I knew we would be gone by the morrow. The loathsome, hate filled look of disgust in the father's eyes was one I was much accustomed to from the glymera, I had been on the receiving end of it for a century. I would be judged as naught more than a monster forever. #Phury spoke in hushed tones apologizing for things that never were while pleading for my worthless life. He should not have bothered. Those few moments of what I now knew were happiness were the brightest I had experienced since my transition. I would be content to let them carry me unto the Fade. #Phury was as big a fool as I if he thought my life worth bargaining for. Even so, uncertainty crossed over the master’s features before his disapproving scowl fell back over his face and he nodded, telling us to leave at once. #Phury limped to his room and only then did I speak out.] The bag! [Was all I could get out before a fist collided with my exposed cheek. Gnashing my teeth, I hoped with a depth that I did not know I could possess that he had heard me, understood my meaning. When he reemerged from our ajoined rooms, my body went lax with relief when I saw not one, but two bags tucked under his arms. The master had a doggen ushering the children from the hall as the guard drug me to my feet, keeping my arms pinned behind me, my body shaking with the restraint it took to remain imprisoned, something I promised myself I would never allow to happen again. They had no inkling as to how easily I could escape them, but there was no reason to make the horrible situation worse, the voice was trying to whisper me calm in my mind. His head ducked to speak with #Phury, casting furtive glances in my direction, I kept my head bowed as my insides tore themselves apart. Both males clapped each other on the shoulder, #Phury bowing before the guards turned me and we headed away. Out into the cold we were ushered to a carriage as the moon illuminated our path. Once inside the coach, the doggen whipped the horses into action, the sound of leather on hide making me flinch, curling further into the corner. Eyes squeezed shut as I worked to steady my ragged breathing, I ignored #Phury’s litany of questions about the young and what had happened. I might tell him eventually, but for now...reaching for the pack, I thrust my hand inside, searching until I found the only gift I had ever received. Carefully unfolding the parchment, I gently caressed a finger over the markings, not caring that #Phury was watching me so intently. When I knew I could breathe again, I closed my eyes, leaned my forehead to the cold glass of the carriage window, and I sang the hymn thanking the Scribe Virgin for this longest of winter’s night.] #End #BeforeTheAwakening #Chapter18 #TheSong

[we-pay-for-everything]

Why I Don’t Ship Cangel...

Putting aside the terrible execution of their relationship, Angel and Cordy never acted in love. Angel was constantly touching or being sweet or jealous or whatever with Buffy and even his dynamic with Darla indicated a past relationship and intimacy. When you are in love with someone it's kind of obvious (especially with them living together), yet neither DB nor CC ever acted like they had romantic feelings towards each other. For example, when Angel was teaching Cordy how to use a sword and fight, there was nothing sexual about it, when Angel and Cordy are in bed with baby Connor between them, they aren't gazing at each other or touching in any way...both wasted opportunities to make their romance believable while being subtle about it imo.

Even if you put aside the lack of romantic chemistry, you can't ignore the terrible execution of that relationship:

- In the beginning of season 3, the huge amount of Angel/Cordy scenes (especially compared to the non-existent Angel/Cordy scenes of S2) might have been a hint at their romantic whatever, but the lack of romantic moments in those scenes (that can't be mistaken for a deep friendship) don’t really make a case for their growing feelings for each other. - The first time the writers' intentions with the couple were obvious was because of the kurumption thing. Angel/Buffy might have had the dramatic, mythical relationship that nearly sent the world to hell but there was no talk of 'destiny' - they attempted to make an often unreal relationship as realistically as possible (the normal buildup to their relationship in S2 for example). Furthermore, Cordy/Xander, like Cangel, was a relationship that was conjured out of thin air, yet the writers didn't try to make it into more than it was. For Angel, it was Fred's comment that made him look at Cordy differently for about...5 seconds and then she was back to being the BFF. For Cordy, it was a vision of herself... No wonder, their romance feels forced and fake. It pretty much was. It was imo the most badly written Buffy-verse romance. - If they wanted each other so badly, why weren't they together? Wait, because of Groo and an ascension that happened the moment something could have happened between them? How convenient... There all only so many plot twists a person can handle before dismissing the relationship entirely. - A lot of the build-up to the romance was about how Cordy was a champion and a mother to Connor. Those are not good reasons. You don't love someone because they deserve you or because they could be very useful in your life. That might explain why the relationship could work, but doesn't make it real. If Angel had started developing feelings for Cordy without the writers explicitly telling the audience that she was now a champion, it would have gone better. To me, it seemed like Angel was more interested in what Cordy could offer him then in Cordy herself. It also seemed like Cordy was the only woman available (other than Fred who was initially crazy and then with Gunn). - Cordelia had told Fred that she (Fred) couldn't be with Angel because of his curse (cue Bangel reenactment), yet this wasn't an obstacle to Cangel? The fact that no one brought this issue up made it seem like they weren't concerned with the relationship itself, just with the drama. Again, it makes the romance feel contrived and plot device-y. - There's an interesting quote by Tim Minear: "It doesn't surprise me at all," [when asked about the fan's resistance to Cangel] "Change is always difficult for fans of a show, and particularly when there's something attached to it called Buffy-Angel, which is the great mythic romance of all time. We never will [get past that]. I don't think we ever will. That may not be the opinion of everyone here, but in my opinion, it's not something you can get by. I get the Cordy thing. I understand it, and I think it's going to go to an interesting place. I wouldn't worry, because we're not going to go anywhere where anyone would expect." I'm not putting this here because I'm Bangel. I just believe the "I wouldn't worry, because we're not going to go anywhere where anyone would expect." highlights how not interested the writers were in the relationship itself. It was just an off-ramp to get to Jasmine (or Cordy going evil in the initial plan). Plus, his comment, to me, reads: 'Don't worry Cangel haters, we are not going anywhere with this.' And truly, an entire season of going around in circles regarding Cangel is just...exasperating... - In season 4, when Cordy was in the higher plane and Angel was looking for her or when she was with Connor, were the only episodes were Angel's feelings for Cordy were actually convincing. The problem there, however, is the lack of connection between the Angel and Cordy romance in S3 vs S4 which makes Angel’s obsession in S4 appear to come out of nowhere. Even in S4 though, Cordy says point blank 'I love you' and Angel doesn't say it back, so that doesn't help matters. - As for Cordelia, her dispassionate 'I'm in love with Angel' doesn't convince (almost) anyone. And Cordy, you usually have visions in your head about people in distress, so why didn't a 3D vision of yourself look fishy? - Angel season 5 makes the romance seem extra forced. With Buffy (I have a reason to keep mentioning her), Angel was recovering from the break-up in Angel's first season (The writers didn't bring the issue up too much, but it was there). In season 5, Cordy is in a coma but he doesn't visit her or talk about her? Two episodes after 'You're Welcome' he's with Nina. Imo, the writers were trying to erase Cordy altogether from S5. - Essentially, what I'm saying, it that Angel's feelings for Cordy had an on-off switch. He 'loved' her when it was convenient, and didn't when he had better things to do. - 'You're Welcome' also didn't convince me of their romance. Angel looked at her like she was the best friend with Cordy dropping things like 'I always fall for the dumb ones', 'I got my man back on track' and getting no response.