#and because i hate crying at school | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

itmightneverbetherighttime · 2 years

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#it's so funny [not] because i legit wanted to do something #i was really willing to try starting from today #i truly was going to force myself to do things differently #i was so convinced #i prepared myself over the weekend #i was so ready to not fuck things up like i did the last time i was in this situation #i truly wanted to be nice and kind and all those things i hate being because i feel like a fool #but i was still a fool #for thinking i could even do that #i am so stupid #i truly felt my heart breaking #over something just as stupid but still #if i didn't cry it was because i would feel even more pathetic #and because i hate crying at school #but i did go back once again to the same self destructive tendencies #i haven't felt this hurt in a while #and i hate having to pretend it was nothing #this was not the way i planned it #and tbh i also feel kinda mad #don't take me back to high school days please #talking to the wall

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spacedlexi · 7 months

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the way the ericson group were at the outbreak just a bunch of troubled kids who made various mistakes or committed crimes and were judged by a system that punished and abandoned them instead of giving them the support and love they needed, are then nearly a decade later put into a situation where now they must judge a troubled child for the mistakes and crimes hes committed against them. and 5 to 3 vote them out 😭

#twdg #i love the way s4 connects back to lees whole 'murderer' thing back in s1 😭 guilt...atonement.....systems of punishment #i love thinking about s1>s4 themes and crying #anyway this is partially why i hate when i see the ericson cast reduced down to 'just some teens' its so much more than that #them being abandoned in a boarding school for troubled kids is SO IMPORTANT its not 'just some school'#anyway its also probably why theyre my favorite cast #theyre literally one of if not the most mature group of the series even while being a bunch of kids who make choices i dont agree with #because they actually love and care about each other. even when theyre mad. because theyre all they have left #i do think the vote was a fair way to handle it even tho i still ultimately find it cruel. they couldve talked it out #but this is still a story that needs conflict to resolve so is what it is #they would rather they leave than have to face their confused feelings. the most immature thing they do. but understandable #they did such a good job crafting that cast for clem GOD an entire ensemble built around her and aj....delicious #zombie/post apoc media about love and community my beloved 😭#sorry but get tf out of here with that 'humans are evil and everyone dies' lame ass bullshit we are nothing without community #the amount of love pouring out of s4 is like getting my ass kicked but then they give me a big hug and kiss after and send me on my way #s4 my absolute beloved i really love it more and more every time. so much to appreciate even with it the way it is #the themes bro the themes........ the connections between seasons 1 and 4 you are everything to me #it speaks

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boxwinebaddie · 1 month

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my favorite baby style ncu continuity is cute tiny hopeless romantic kindergarten disney prince stan falling in love with kyle broflovski at first sight and buying every flavor of ring pop trying to propose to him like 'you are...the most Beautiful person i've ever seen.'

and evil feral kindergarten nj kyle threatening to bite him, fight him and end his pitiful life like 'and you are...so Gahdamn WEIRD. stay the hell away from me, yA FREAK!' and trying to bear mace him skdhs

— but then k-garten stan doing something incredibly wholesome, mindboggling stupid and storybook chivalrous to save k-garten kyle's life, the ice around his cold black heart melting, bein forever changed and falling head over heels in love w boy hero k-garten stan...

...all to take the fATTEST L OF ALL FUCKING TIME because he is too emotionally constipated to confess his feelings and end up gettin stuck in the super best friend zone FOREVER bc every day perfect stan marsh gets lovelier, handsomer and....Fucking STUPIDER.

#nina speaks #i really do feel for ncu kyle...i do #that man got shafted #please note: if the super popular extremely pretty dark haired boy w/ big blue eyes confesses his love to you on day one #just say yes like just go along with it #however i will say that kyle being unapproachable and hating him and wanting to bear mace him did make him obsessed #which is soooooo mentally ill i am actually CRYING #but yeah because then youre going to realize that he is actually v sweet and cute and kind and wonderful and special #and your chest will start to swell and youll get light headed and want to start smiling and singing and swinging #and then you think he's gonna ask you to marry you again and he just asks you to be his super best friend forever #because he doesnt want to push it clearly u dont like him and he is just happy to be near you and spend time with you #and you want to push yourself off a cliff because now every person on planet earth is in love with stanley marsh #including you #and you are legitmately FUCKED #they really are who fell first who fell harder and i mean it #i love insane yandere black lab bf kgarten stan he is so funny like he has mental problems but i admire his detirmination #i also love emporer of evil probably has rabies new jersey potty mouth orange cat bf kgarten kyle who without a doubt 100%#would have a crush on a boy and send him death threats and be like Get Out Of My School because he makes him nervous #obsessed with my silly gay opposite attract sbf sons #ft baby stan like aw! u wrote me something <3 #( can't read bc he's illiterate ) ( hugs kyle ) you're the BEST! ( ft kindergarten kyle having shaking and having convulsions )#pour one out for kyle #specifically jersey #because his stan d*ed he never recovered and then fell in love with the sexc rockstar vers

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a-dream-deferred · 1 year

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being the kid who other kids were compared to sucked so much actually

#thinking about how many potential friendships i lost in my childhood because teachers used me as an ..idek - a role model?? for the class #my friend literally told me she used to be so jealous of me in elementary school she actually hated me #and not just elementary school!#i remember in tenth grade we had an algebra test that many students didn't do well on #ppl were crying and complaining to the teacher that it was too difficult #she literally said '[my name] got a full mark didn't she? if she could do it then you all could've done it too. you have no excuse'#and she asked me in front of everyone if i found the exam difficult #i wanted to disappear on the spot

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kimetsu-chan · 16 days

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I’m gonna be out most of the day bc I’ll be helping my dad with a big shopping trip plus being out after, so I’m going to be super duper exhausted

I don’t do well in crowded or loud places in the slightest, I get woozy and tired and I feel miserable or like I’m gonna pass out, and if the shopping isn’t gonna make me wanna cry, the outing after will bc it’s gonna be packed with lots of noise and people

I don’t say this because I want to complain, I just wanna give a super quick warning that I might not be active tomorrow as well as today bc when I get exhausted, my mental health tends to decline as well ;-;

so- a bit of a warning that I may poof a bit (sorry! 😣)

#But yeah :)#hopefully I’ll be able to sleep it off tonight but since school is tomorrow might end up still tired and stressed (ᵕ—ᴗ—)#lol I’m trying not to complain or make a stink about it whilst still being informative—#Edit: uh so I don’t know what’s wrong with me this morning #But it’s already starting to go to crap unfortunately #Hgnhh I wanna talk but I keep telling myself it’s selfish to talk about how I feel #Idk I’m just messed up man #Feel like crap #eating earlier didn’t help it just made me feel worse #I don’t wanna go shopping or to the outing :(#But my dad said he needs help #And I don’t think I have a choice for the outing #And school tmrw :(#I don’t wanna do this I really font #I think I’m breaking down #Yeah I’m breaking down #<- that’s dramatic I’m sorry #Edit 2: if I trigger myself so badly that I have a really quick and strong breakdown will that make me fine for the rest of the day #Bc omg I have things I need to do! I can’t mope around and be dramatic all day!#I hate this! I don’t want it! Literally any other day would have been doable!#I can’t just ask my dad to stay home from the outing either because then that would entail me explaining why I don’t wanna go and I’d cry-#-in front of him and I don’t wanna cry in front of people #I hate this so much #i wish I could just poof into nonexistence #🌾#<- atp it’s a vent #Edit 3: I’m trying really hard ace but petting my dog isn’t working

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wabatle · 7 days

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i might have to go on hiatus for a while due to mental health issues... i really want to keep writing but every single day has been horrible lately and i've been having panic attacks more lately.

#i fucking hate myself #i'm scared to go to school tomorrow #i cry almost every day now #i might even have to make a whole account just for venting because of how bad my depression is #i would say send help but. i really don't think i deserve it #im sorry #i know this is definitely tmi but i needed to get it out somewhere #things i want to do just don't seem doable anymore #i hate this #im so tired.

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noctlas332 · 1 month

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widevibratobitch · 4 months

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something about being told im 'the leading person at this whole academy when it comes to interpretation and stage intelligence' by the husband of the woman im trying (not really. but i mean. who knows) to seduce... ok boy you got me. lets make it a polycule.

#im playing it all cool and funny now but atm i legit burst into tears lol #like he said i have a 'good voice too of course' but i know realistically that is not my strongest asset #and even if i were technically perfect. which im NOT lol. the voice itself is just nothing special. it's there ig but that's about it #but its nice to know i may not be 100% useless after all #(just 90%)#also apparently the most feared and respected professor who came to the concert said. again. that he likes me the most.#which again. crying real actual tears about this all rn this means literally the world to me this is everything i have #and i have no one to share this with because im not gonna say it to my uni friend cause i dont want her to feel like im boasting or sth #(even tho she has no such qualms herself but probably because i know how. not great. it feels when someone keeps talking about themselves #and about how great they are and how easy everything is for them. i dont wanna do it back at her.#well there's also the fact that i dont think im great and this is not fucking easy to me at all lol #but idk i think the difference between us is that she actually admitted she sees no point in singing if she cant show off (thus she hates #the duet we're singing because she sings the lower part and cant show off her high notes or coloratura.#which is like. an insane take to me. i mean it i get it. kinda. if i had a voice like hers maybe id be like that too fuck knows.#but that just feels so. idk. sad to me. so self obsessed and empty. like you dont care about the music itself? about you being a part of it?#also immediately made singing with her not fun anymore. i thought we were creating something TOGETHER. but thanks for the confirmation #that you only really care about being 'better than'. yikes.#like idk this behaviour is funny and iconic in old school opera legends like yes go bite each others dicks off.#but it hits completely different when it's your own colleague let alone your friend. like damn girl. damn)#) anyway. the husband is kinda hot too now that i think of it. i really should seduce them both.#except its realistically not possible since they've both seen me cry now (she saw it like a hundred times lol)#so ive lost the hot and mysterious card alas. no uni professors romance for me

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seilon · 1 month

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love when this is referred to as the gifted kid website. shockingly my mental disorders made me mentally disordered and school never really vibed with that so. couldn’t be me

#ppl always talking about their whatever grade reading level and how many books they’d read as kids and im just over here like🧍🏽#I’ve never been actually bad at english or reading but I couldn’t focus on reading books to save my fucking life #I hated those sheets where you had to read like a certain number of books or whatever over the course of a semester or the year or whatever #my GATE test scores for english were super high but my math was bad enough that I never qualified #and adhd made me not even perform well in English half the time because I couldn’t pay attention I couldn’t read long books I couldn’t turn #in my assignments or if I did they were late and etc etc etc #don’t get me started with math #I was the worst in my class in third grade at minute math and never made it to the levels of minute math my classmates did #(they posted results on the wall for everyone to see)#and in 6th grade I was put into an additional remedial math class #throughout middle-high school I was at the level of most classmates in terms of the classes I took but that’s only because I was not allowe #to fail and was put through absolute fucking hell with a billion tutors and grueling hours of extra work from them and blah blah blah #like I remember how I felt in those tutoring sessions and half the time I actually wanted to cry.#I didn’t start doing solidly genuinely Good in school until senior year of high school.#not coincidentally around the same time I started taking adderall I think #I had accommodations by 9th grade but they didn’t do that much except for the function that let me turn in assignments up to 2 days late #without penalty. which i had teachers question sometimes and i had to pull the Yeah it’s Literally Against The Law to not allow me this car #anyway. point is. i was never in the gate program and most of my friends were and it was mostly adhd related #adhd is considered such a quirky nothing disorder nowadays that I don’t even like mentioning I have it really. because what people think of #when I say the term is Not what i actually dealt with and made school torturous and made my parents lash out at me for things and etc etc #depression and dysphoria did not help either. but I digress #I’m not sure why im making this post #kibumblabs

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outlying-hyppocrate · 4 months

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in line to the bathroom just to cry!!

#random thoughts #gender dysphoria.#felt it especially this morning when some lady from this organization that worked with our school called me christine.#CHRISTINE.#do i honestly look like a christine??#(not her fault but still.)#but she kept fucking misgendering me. i bet it was the shirt i was wearing.#normally i wear more layers so as to make my body less. shaped.#BUT I RAN OUT OF NICE ONES AND SO I HAD TO WEAR ANOTHER.#it used to be my favorite shirt but now it is not. i hate it.#either it is too small for me or i am too large for it. and either way i want to fucking stab myself because of it #augh. wanted to cry earlier. but didn't.#still sort of do when i think about it. i get misgendered often but. augh.#and the comment my mother made a while ago. about. how can i be a boy if all my friends are girls?#WELL SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU HAVE NOT MET HALF THE BOYS IN MY SCHOOL. FUCKING IDIOT DUMBASS. HAVE YOU NO COMMON SENSE #TO KNOW THAT TIMES ARE CHANGING AND WE ARE NOT STUCK IN YOUR WARPED PERCEPTION OF GENDER NORMS?? HELLO??#i hate my body so much unironically. if i could fix it somehow.#i have been trying to fix it so hard for so long but it hasn't fucking worked and it's gone in the OPPOSITE WAY. and i am RUINING MY BODY.#AND I FUCKING HATE IT.#sometimes it feels as if nothing is good. i want to shave my head again and be perpertually ugly.#i need new hair.#i need to fix everything.#please.#i have no motivation to do it but i need to do it.#i know i'm a boy. i just want to be a boy for everyone else.

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hearts-hunger · 7 days

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might burst into tears at work idk

#i feel so miserable #my boss sent me a long email getting me in trouble for wearing the school uniform sweatshirt that the students wear #apparently when i wear it it means i'm being disrespectful and casual and misrepresenting the school #and i talked to my coworkers about it and they all agree it's ridiculous but there's nothing we can do about it #because our boss is a very particular boomer who makes his opinions law and also can't stand when women stand up to him #i wanted to email him back and push back on it but my coworkers said basically to let it go because it's no use and it'll iust piss him off #but i hate breaking rules. i wouldn't have worn it if i'd known it was a rule #so i feel like a fucking idiot and i'm also mad because it's a stupid rule and i hate the way my boss bullies me #but i don't know what to do. i like my job and i love my kids but i hate my boss #i just want to cry #and the thing is every coworker i talk to agree that he's a miserable old boomer who hates women #but they always excuse him? or just give up and lay down and die? i want to push back on the bastard #and at least let him know that one person (someone he doesn't value: a young woman) is not going to back down to him #i don't know. i'm so upset. i don't know what to do #and it feels stupid to be so upset but this is just the most recent in a long line of bs i've dealt with from him #so i'm just. miserable :)

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miutonium · 5 months

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Hey guyssss just want to post here to ask if it's totally fine for me to vent because I am seriously at my limit rn 🙃

Also hiii so sorry for ignoring everyone here (including tags. I see it, it's just that im so busy and frustrated with school rn) I am busy with my finals I've been feeling so horrible this entire week like legit couldnt stop bursting into tears this is absolutely so stupid and ridiculous

#its not ship or fandom related at all dont worry I never have interest in drama so lol no i will never vent about that #but i am seriously at the end of my wits rn because of school and building and shit #like ugh typing this out actually made me cry lol i hate everything #asuka speaks

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lemonycranberries · 7 months

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fuck man... fuck.

i wasn't ready for this. i was just enjoying the silly party with silly teenagers and their silly drama (well not exactly but you get it).

then they decide to throw Layan's memorial at us.

not only that, they also decided to show us Farah on her own watching everyone else on the party have fun and crying and tearing her pictures apart, Tasneem's ED (which they had already shown implicitly but now it's completely explicit) and Sarah being threatened with the creepy stranger saying they'll post her video if she doesn't meet them? did they simply want to destroy us?

(...my mind's still in Layan's memorial though. i'll think about this for at least a few days.)

#you have no idea how much of a mess i am right now #i went from just enjoying the drama to ugly crying and just a general depressed mood in like. one minute #mariam just breaking down because of all those complex feelings wrapped in the enormous crushing guilt.#rania crying and missing her best friend who was just taken from her abruptly.#ms abeer deciding to ignore and delete that video because she knows it's not worth it. that version of the school anthem.#the girls (+ms abeer) crying and hugging bc it's so fucking unfair.#the fact that honor killings are very much a real thing that still happens.#this show... i hated and despised layan. i felt mariam's thirst for revenge and was on her side.#and i still know she didn't fucking deserve this. i can still see and feel the tragedy and injustice of it all.#al rawabi school for girls #al rawabi school for girls s2 #al rawabi school for girls s2 ep4 #my posts

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prick-love-for-arting · 11 months

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... Mhm

#haikyuu!!#fan art #sketch #yahaba shigeru #traditional art #haikyuu art #vent art #idk if it actually is but its there in case people dont want to see that kind of stuff #anyway im going to rambling about projecting for a bit because im not feeling so hot rn #1 its low self esteem hours for... reasons I'd rather not disclose because i dont need others feeling bad about it anyway blah blah blah #constant feelings of being undesirable and like im not valuable for just myself throwing that onto Yahaba and his relationship to oikawa #2 i feel very guilty about the way I'm feeling atm because other people are very happy and i just feel like im making things about me being #sad if i say anything to those involved #3 i hate asking for attention and feeling like I'm going out of my way trying to get it when everyone else seems like it just fucking #happens to them instead of searching for it #man maybe getting bullied in middle school did have a lasting impact on me #drawing my boy crying keeps me from crying!!#screaming and crying and whatever else goes with it #anyway...#mutuals please dont ask me about this i just needed to throw it out into the void

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theflyingfeeling · 4 months

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yes it's just me whining about the same thing for the billionth time, pls just scroll past nothing new to see here 👋

#i just want to enjoy the summer but i feel like i don't deserve to if i'm not constantly trying to become employed again 😭#''apply for jobs then? problem solved'' uh-huh yes but!! i also hate applying for jobs #job seeking can be so incredibly humiliating #first i have to send them a letter BEGGING to be invited to an interview #and then i have to try and convince them that i am actually competent and good at my job even though you have my cv right there #and then afterwards they call me to tell me they found someone who they liked better than me #(or rather someone who was more competent than me judging by their work history etc.)#it's like ''yes we are hiring but not YOU specifically lol''#like. at school if you take a test you get the grade you deserve based on how you did in the exam.#it's something you can actually directly affect yourself #but if someone who's applying for the same job with me has more work experience or whatever they will get hired over me no matter what i do #(at least that's how it usually works on my field)#in which case it doesn't matter if i do well in the interview or nah. bc the other person was always going to be picked for the job anyway #and yes one could say i can then be satisfied if i did my best but it's little consolation when i'm still unemployed!!#and so every time i apply for a job and get rejected it feels like a personal failure #and to avoid that feeling of failure i want to avoid applying for jobs altogether #so yeah. being active in job seeking is more likely to relieve me from this misery but job seeking is ALSO misery. so 🤷‍♀️#that on top of the fact i don't even _want_ to apply for all the open positions on my field #but i feel obliged to because it's what i have a degree on. and when i'm unemployed i don't have the luxury to choose which ones i apply fo #i can't afford to be picky #I DON'T DREAM OF LABOUR I JUST NEED MONEY TO LIVE BUT I ALSO DON'T WANT TO DO JUST ANY JOB! I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH FOR THAT!#i don't want to come home crying from work every day because i hate every single aspect of my life INCLUDING my job 😭#when this semester i actually HAD a job i didn't mind waking up to every morning 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#it's not fair it's not fair it's not fair #to conclude i don't deserve to enjoy myself in the summer because i'm not doing enough to fix my unemployement situation #(just like i don't deserve to feel sad about being lonely because i don't work hard enough to maintain deep friendships #but that's a crisis for another day! stay tuned ✌️)

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magentagalaxies · 4 months

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vent incoming:

got my grades back for my courses last semester and most of it was to be expected, mostly A's, maybe an A-, etc. but i honestly can't get over the fact that my independent study (the buddy cole documentary) was for some reason given a B. like sure getting a B isn't bad per se, I usually get at least one B every semester and i honestly don't really care about what my exact gpa is as long as i can graduate, but come on. this school put me through months of psychological torment over this project and didn't even have the nerve to give me a B+??? i'm still coping with the self-doubt they forced on me and this bullshit is not helping!!

#honestly it's kind of hilarious ngl. especially bc i also got my documentary work counted as an independent study the previous semester #and the previous semester even tho i barely worked on the doc itself #(mostly just planning and putting together the crowdfunding which was still a lot of work but like compare it to the past few months)#they were willing to give me an A (my school doesn't do A+ so this is the highest mark possible)#vs this semester. like i'll admit my final assignment was late and could have been more polished #but i was literally on tour in documentary-mode 24/7 for several weeks. i filmed an entire comedy special! i put together a live interview!#not to mention having to fucking negotiate with my own college censoring the footage they'd promised me of an event i put together #and play nice with a professor who literally outed me on twitter in an attempt to cancel one of my best friends #at this point the ''B'' feels more like a petty grudge than anything else #like ok we can't get away with *actually* fucking over jessamine's grades bc clearly ze did do the work. but let's just give zir a B #like i will admit the audio quality in my final isn't great. and i could have used more polished footage in some sections #but counterpoint: 100+ students were arrested at a protest while i was editing and i was having a mental breakdown #the fact that i finished *anything* is goddamn impressive especially after they essentially conditioned me to hate myself any time i was #working on a project i loved!!!#due to the aforementioned student arrests my college did put out an option where we could change any letter grade this semester to pass/fai #so anything passing wouldn't impact our gpa if we didn't want it to. so i could just change the B to a ''pass''#but really what's the point. ''B'' is still a good grade and my GPA is fine (3.65 on a 4.0 grading scale. 2.0 is required to graduate)#it just sucks that after what i went through last semester i feel like nobody takes it seriously #i was reminiscing earlier about how it's honestly kind of funny how after that professor outed me on twitter #i was at the hotel with scott like an hour later sobbing and having an existential crisis about my relationship to gender #and scott was so supportive but also awkwardly being like #''i know i should offer the crying child a tissue but where the fuck are the tissues in this room what do i do''#and he just handed me a full-on towel instead like oh my god he was trying his best but also so clearly out of his depth #but of course i then had to remember how when i told that story to a different professor to be like ''this is how much scott cares about me #this guy called me fucking UNPROFESSIONAL for crying in front of the subject of my documentary?????????#like yeah maybe so but how DARE you call me unprofessional when a different professor tweeted my full name and gender without my consent #in an attempt to fucking cancel one of my friends for ''misgendering'' me for using pronouns i'm fine with him using!!!#i don't think i'm ever going to be able to forgive my college and i don't know how i'll be able to get through one more semester #that experience genuinely changed things about my psychology that i'm not proud of and i need to work through #so if i have to miss a goddamn kids in the hall event because i have class this november i am going to set something on fire

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