#and believe they’ll find a way to wrap up the characters’ stories in meaningful ways

[weltraum-vaquero]

What are your most realistic predictions for Jayce in season two?

1. He cries snotty style, and 2. the fortiche animators finally cave after my 158 complaint emails and give him fuzzy hairy boobs.

Preferably they kill two birds with one stone and have him crying snotty style while he’s shirtless.

[hollowandmerciless]

So it was a love story after all

One of the things that has been said over the years about Attack on Titan is that it had no romance. Isayama, was the general consensus, didn’t write a love story. AOT is not about ships. It’s about the nature of humanity, about hatred, about racism and the will to survive. It’s got its roots in Norse mythology, in real life events from the recent past and a more ancient past. But love and romance, so everyone thought, never had a place in this story.

How wrong we all were.

As it turns out, Eren’s motivation for everything he did was always his eternal and undying love for Mikasa.

Here’s where I stumble.

I never saw any convincing signs of Eremika in this story. I didn’t like their dynamics in the first place – Eren seemed annoyed with her a lot of the time, or at best consider her his adopted sister – and what really rubbed me the wrong way during the entirety of the story was Mikasa’s unhealthy obsession with Eren. Yes, he saved her, and yes, she’s an Ackerman, who are known for their intense bonding to their host (although this was a false assumption as well, according to Zeke), but her obsession was unhealthy and annoying to the point that I was unable to see her character development or her actions. 

Her looks didn’t make her special to me (contrary to a lot of male fans I encountered on social media and irl), to me she was just one of the characters, albeit a rather uninteresting one, so I wasn’t paying as much attention to her as they did – we all pay most attention to our favourites (which in my case are Eren and Levi and to a lesser extent Hanji and Connie), and as a result I may have been blind for any character development she had. 

Maybe it’s because I’m a woman and I feel like she’s one of those poorly written -“the man is my only goal in life” -women. Women who in a story solely seem to exist as an appendage to the main character and have no life or will of their own. Eren and Mikasa were, in my opinion, never equals in this story.

I know many people do see Mikasa’s character development, and do see meaningful interactions between Eren and her, but I’m sorry, I can’t see them unless I use a microscope, and I think this is the main flaw in Isayama’s writing: with all the twists and foreshadowing (which I so thoroughly enjoyed), some hints he left are way too small, while some of his red herrings are too in your face to ignore. 

It also feels like Isayama changed the ending too often and forgot about a lot of foreshadowings along the way.

This is why it feels that we’re left with so many plot holes – if you read closely, there aren’t many, but the red herrings were sprinkled so abundantly throughout the story that we may have expected way too much. The origins of the Ackermans, the importance of Historia’s’ baby and “who is the father”, Zeke’s presumed 4D chess and Eren’s 5D chess, the Underground cities as protection against the rumbling, what caused the titan forest trees to grow so large, what happened 854 years ago in the year 0, Reiner heavily being foreshadowed to become the new Helos, what is the Hallucigenia thing, where did it come from and how does it create titans, where did Ymir’s first titan come from if there was no one in PATHS yet to build it – we don’t need all these answers, but somehow Isayama made us believe there was more to this than there actually was, and that’s why many of us feel robbed of the ending we wanted or expected.

The Historia storyline bothers me the most. The dynamics between her and Eren were much more interesting and realistic than those between Mikasa and Eren. To begin with, they were equals. Whatever happened, they always had each other’s backs. So it made sense to me that Eren had at least something to do with her choice to have a baby, especially because he was so vocal against it. Instead, she too married a guy who hadn’t been particularly nice to her in the past and nothing of it had anything to do with Eren or his plans, or their shared memories of previous founders. 

Parallels between OG Ymir and Historia seemed abundant, but apparently, in the end, we were supposed to see an essential parallel between Ymir and Mikasa. Her Stockholm-syndrome-love for the first King Fritz felt like a sort of deus ex machina (and yes, if you reread chapter 122 there were hints, but so scarce, so small, that they didn’t seem to hold much significance).

I find the fact that OG Ymir needed to see someone break loose from the clutches of obsessive love in front of her own eyes to finally break loose from her own love for Fritz a bit far-fetched, especially since I consider that this is what the entire story hinges on.

(Now we do understand why Isayama had Levi so severely wounded in chapter 114 (the explosion). Had he been fit, then he had most likely been the Ackerman who killed Eren (because this has been foreshadowed too, multiple times) – and that wasn’t supposed to happen. It had to be Mikasa, or else OG Ymir wouldn’t understand how to break loose from her bond.

Another thing that bothered me was Eren’s sudden confession of his love for Mikasa to Armin. Like I said, I found the Eremika dynamics particularly uninteresting, so this confession felt very unnatural and far-fetched to me – but, again, this is what the entire story is built upon. 

He does what he does for them, specifically for her.

It’s actually kind of sad that some fan theories were better/more interesting than the canon ending, but Isayama is the creator of this story and we’ll have to accept his ending – I do know that the more I’ve been rereading the final chapter, the less it bothers me how the story wrapped up. I might even come to like it, and when I reread the full story (which I will certainly do, I LOVE this story) I’ll pay more attention to the small hints Isayama sprinkled between the lines for us about the love Eren felt for Mikasa, to see if his words in 139 will finally make sense to me.

For now, Eren’s motives don’t feel real or grounded. If he’d cried about the millions (billions?) of deaths he’d caused instead of about Mikasa, it would have made more sense in the grand scheme of things. He’d cry for the lives he’s taken, and for the realisation that it has all been in vain, because the ones he tried to protect so that they can live long and happy lives, will now be consumed with grief and survivor’s guilt.

Still, could any of this have gone differently?

No.

Eren was rightfully desperate when he, from behind the bars of his cell, yelled at Hanji if there was another way. Because there wasn’t.

The irony was that Eren always fought for freedom, but all his life he had been a slave to his own destiny. He was unable to change the future, and could only try to influence it. Or else, as Kruger said, this cycle would repeat itself, again and again.

All in all I feel there was more to this story than what we got, it could have gone deeper, more foreshadowing could have paid off instead of being a red herring.

A bittersweet ending

Levi surviving and finally getting closure with the knowledge that this was what all of his old SC friends died for, brought me to tears. And that smoke, was that the disappearing of his Ackerstrength? 

The frame where he travels the world with his carers/adopted children Gabi and Falco and his new best friend Onyankopon (friend? lover? just look at that glance they share) made me so happy that this is now the desktop background of my laptop.

(I hope they’ll travel to the AOT equivalent of the UK so he can finally enjoy some decent black tea)

To me, at least this part was sweet. The rest: bitter, even the fates of the Alliance members. This is a story with an open ending. We don’t know if they’ll succeed on their peace mission, we don’t know what the Yaegerists will accomplish, we don’t know what the rest of the world will do; all options are open again, but maybe that is the point. Eren never meant to end the hatred, there’s no fighting the nature of humans. Erwin knew this already: mankind won’t stop fighting among themselves until there’s only one person left. 

Eren’s goal was to end the titan era, and at the cost of his own life and that of 80% of humanity, he succeeded. 

Learning that Eren, who held freedom in such high regards, was a slave to his own destiny all along was painful and ironic, but in a way he lives on as a bird, finally free, finally Vogel aus dem Käfig.

Thank you, Isayama.

[ryoceann]

well hello everyone! how are y’all holding up??

it’s been a painful couple of days and all of us have been through quite a rollercoaster myself included. plenty has occurred and as of now things have calmed a bit down. I have too and I have several thoughts regarding of what happened and I want to talk about it. About j2, perfect relationships, PR, what happened then and what happened after and how we progress from here on.

there’s no denying what happened was painful and shitty. there’s also no denying that the entire event brought out to the front that quite a lot of us idolized j2′s relationship a lot. we put it on a high pedestal, many of us have the tendency to do that. the thing is in the past 16 years, 99% of what we have seen between j2 has always been <3. we’ve seen the highs and this was the first time we saw quite a low. none of us expected it. and when it happened we were left shocked. for a lot of people this has destroyed that ‘’perfect j2′’ image. it has changed the way people see them now. and in my opinion, that is what lingers now. the fandom and their feelings on this situation. i know. i know some of us are hurt, angry, disappointed and deeply upset. and all of that is valid, but now it us up to us to work through this. we got caught up in this situation because we love j2, we love their relationship. but while this took place in public and over a public platform, it wasn’t about us to begin with. this was a private matter between the j’s and it is up to them to resolve this, something I believe wholeheartedly they are doing. and with this i also want y’all to remember: we do not know what happened behind the scenes. we do not know what took place behind the screen. it is very clear that there is more. more at play than we know/can see, and more people involved in this. the situation is more complicated than what we can comprehend. however that doesn’t erase the fact that what happened was shitty and something that shouldn’t have. and that’s the thing about humans and relationships. real humans and real relationships. humans fuck up and sometimes we hurt the ones we love the most. relationships get tested then, they go through painful bumps and like Jared has said once: ‘’these are the moments you figure out if it’s worth it’’. and it’s very obvious that j2 have figured out it’s worth it. that they’re figuring it out and working through it. and well that makes the relationship even more significant, strong and deep right? that they go through struggles, and they put in the effort to work through it, BECAUSE they love each other so much? that’s what makes the bond stronger, when you come across obstacle and then you overcome them, together. j2 talked, and they’re resolving this. and i have faith that they will be okay. in fact that’s what i believe right now. I don’t think that they’re a 100% but that they’re working towards it. they’re Jared and Jensen! they’ve been through a whole fucking lot in their life, and I know they love each other and I know they will fight for each other.

Some of us had started to heal, after Jensen tweeted and then a few other things happened, such as Kripke, Kelli, Jensen tweeting again, and him out with The Boys cast and just recently Jared tweeting. Kripke deleted his tweets and then from Jensen’s account we got tweets regarding to the prequel. Which makes one thing very clear: After j2 resolved this somewhat over Twitter (mostly for our benefit and then have continued to resolve it in private, let’s be real here, we’re never going to hear the full story, and the whole matter and what not, because as a fandom that is all we were owed. this is up to j2 to work through which I’ve already said they will), and then Kripke deleted his tweets, Kelli deleted her tweets and tweets/articles regarding the prequel were sent out, this is what the PR strategy is right now. J2? resolving it. Now what to do we do? Pretend this never happened and continue moving on. J2 really need to get a better PR team. with that said the last three tweets, the Natalie Fisher qrt, and the other article ones, they weren’t Jensen. Jensen has never before tweeted multiple links to a project of his. It was PR. like I said: move on, and pretend it never occurred- that’s the PR strategy here. And then the Jensen at Erin’s birthday party happened. I am still not okay with what Jensen did, but let’s please be rational here. Every single cast member from above and beyond was over there. Jensen looked tired and like he was trying to have a good time. In that video of him singing, the video was barely over before he reached for his phone. Which makes me hmm, he could have been texting Jared for all we know, or sorting through this as best as he can. We have no idea the PR management pressure he’s under. And I’m not going to berate him for going to a co-worker’s birthday party. Lots of us have very different coping methods with dealing with shitty events.

Jared tweeted twice today. He’s always been a man driven by emotion, and over the years he’s expressed himself a lot publicly and with us(something he’s done because of Jensen’s help). When he had a bad birthday, he said it. When he had his breakdown, he asked for well wishes. When he didn’t know about the prequel and found out about it PUBLICLY, he reacted PUBLICLY. He shared his pain. I truly believe if somethin bad had broken here between j2 he would have said it. Instead he’s said he’s working it out with Jensen. ‘’once brothers, always brothers’’. <3 and he interacted and wished Felicia and a fellow fan ‘’happy birthday’’. That puts me at more ease, because it show that not only is he seeing our love, he’s also healing.

In the end, even the strongest and the most best relationships aren’t without their up and downs. What happened was out of character, and there’s more at play here. and we’ll most prolly never find out why. a lot of us want explanations, but that’s us and our parasocial relationships </3 in the end, it’s between j2 to work through because it’s their relationship and how they’re solving it is not for us to witness, they’re in uncharted waters, unfamiliar circumstances and distance is playing a big role in this. it’s terrible as hell but in my heart, I know they’ll be okay. They have been through worse, and they’ve always fought through it and have come out stronger in the end. They’ve never given up. And they won’t now. J2 will be okay. and I know all of us are wondering how Jared is doing particularly.

@/jarpackles is a trustworthy person, can confirm <33 whether you choose to believe this or not is up to you entirely. but like I said previously, Jared tweeting today makes me feel lighter.

~

I know for some of us that magic of j2 is gone. and i’m very sorry for that. but i hope you remember that one shitty fight does not remove 16 years of the love they’ve shared with each other and them. that them working through this and still being together, fighting for each other, is meaningful and makes their relationship that much more <3

heal. that means taking a step back, breathing, sorting your thoughts out, and patiently working through this. i’m here for all of you. take as long as you need. your feelings are valid, and this situation was scary so deal in the way you see best.

before i wrap it up: i am still a fan of jensen. i still love him. i acknowledge very well what he did wrong and i have no doubt he is making amends for it. there is no off button for my feelings :) and i’m still a hat, still a j2 lover.

Jensen and Jared will be okay. They’ve come too far to give up now and they love each other far too much for that. They are solving this and healing together. Bumps in the road happen but the truest and the best of all relationships are those that work through them. And that’s what our beloved j2 are doing.

❤️

[mistresseast]

can you explain in more detail why you think the PT weren't good friends for akiren? i'm not asking out of hate or to start drama, i just never interpreted things that way and i'm genuinely curious. i don't think them being brainwashed by maruki makes them "bad friends", but i don't know if that's what you meant either. i'd love to read a proper explanation on this that isn't just people arguing in the notes of that post.

Hi! Yeah, I know the ~discourse~ climate is pretty touchy and not a good place to exchange ideas, so I’ll do my best to put my thoughts on this matter into words. 

Settle in, bc this one is long.

I’ll start off by saying I don’t dislike the PT, nor do I think they’re bad people, and honestly I think they love Joker a lot! Ryuji calling Akira after his fake death and talking about how his ideas on what makes a hero have changed because of Akira genuinely makes me emotional, along with dozens of other scenes with the thieves! They’re good kids who could be really good friends to Akira but that’s not what’s shown in the game. I don’t think it’s controversial to say Akira’s relationships with all of his friends are transactional. That’s kind of the point, all of his confidants arise out of deals, give and take, and in the metanarrative of the game, that’s how it works. You as the player help these characters solve their problems, and through ranking their confidants up, you get access to more gameplay perks. So it’s pretty even!! But like,,Akira, the character, isn’t the player. There’s no in-story mechanic by which he can cash in friendship points for being-good-at-killing-things prizes. Yes, he uses those abilities to not die in the metaverse, but there is no literal, in-universe way to explain how hanging out with someone translates to [insert gameplay perk here]. So you have to look at what is physically happening in the story. Akira hangs out with the PT, stands there while they have drama with another irrelevant character, and then one way or another their problems get solved and they swear to be Akira’s blood brother or whatever. Akira is a crutch for these characters, and they say multiple times that they wouldn’t have been able to do what they did without him. So all of their shit gets handled and Akira gets?? Like actually gets?? What? Inquiries about his well-being? Offers to help him? Questions about his life, his interests? No,,,not really,, But he gets access to a super powerful persona!! Yay!!! Bc everyone knows he’s just a little shadow-killing machine, right? And even the relationships he does get something tangible (as in separate from the mechanics of the game) out of, like Kawakami’s, are built on the notion that if Akira stops providing for whatever reason, the relationship will end. So essentially, Akira is under the pressure of filling whatever role his friends need him in for however long at any time, and he’s been led to believe that if he stops or fails, he will stop receiving any reciprocal care and acceptance.

(And I know this is all gameplay stuff, I know it has to be like this to codify the complicated process of human relationships, I know all of that, I’m just trying to find a deeper layer bc that’s what I do.)

This whole thing comes into pretty clear focus for me during the third semester when you visit everyone in the false reality. Everyone is happy to see him, of course, but they’re clearly wrapped up in their own happiness. Which is understandable, again, I’m not saying the PT need to be attached to Akira to be good friends, but it all still feels off to me.

If they know Joker, then they’d know it’s weird that he just shows up and starts asking these pointed questions while they’re in the middle of something. All of their other interactions with him have been led by them. Yeah, Joker approaches them bc the player has decided to hang out with them, but the other character always chooses the activity and leads the discussion. Akira showing up out of nowhere and asking them to “remember” and “move on” and whatnot should be raising some major red flags. And it clearly does, since their memories do start to return, but they’re all too scared of losing their happiness that they nope out of the conversation as soon as possible, without stopping to consider why Joker might be trying to reach out to them like that. They’re his friends; they should know he wouldn’t just be trying to hurt them or make them unhappy. After all, their entire relationship with him up til that point has been exclusively about Joker trying to help them. This doesn’t make the PT bad people, running away is a totally natural reaction in that situation. They’re just kids, and their minds have been manipulated to a point, but it’s not like they don’t remember Joker or the way they’ve grown since meeting him. In fact many of them mention how much they’ve matured recently, but they never actually relate that back to Akira, despite him being the primary driving force behind most of their personal arcs, even though they definitely remember him. Translation vagueness or deliberate nod to the idea that the PT don’t actually credit Akira with all the hard work he did after their initial lip service? Hmmm. Anyway, their failure to recognize that Joker is struggling just demonstrates to me what was set up all throughout their confidant links, that their relationships are transactional and that they don’t necessarily consider Joker and his individual needs outside of what he provides for them. And when they no longer need him bc that hole has been filled, he simply doesn’t occupy the same place of importance in their lives. 

Makoto’s flashback in particular stood out to me, bc it was from a moment where she was specifically talking about feeling like she finally found a place to belong with the Phantom Thieves (and by extension, with Joker), but then she desperately tries to brush it off. Obviously that sense of belonging wasn’t meaningful enough to her for her to want it back. And I’m not blaming her, of course, any teenager would choose to have their father back over being in a vigilante group lmao, I just thought it was telling that the devs decided to show us a scene that was originally meant to be heartwarming as an example of the harsh reality Makoto wants to forget. All of the flashbacks are from defining moments for the thieves, but that one specifically got me like *thinking emoji*

So his friends are hesitant, despite the fact that they must know something is wrong. It’s understandable, they all stand to lose a lot if someone messes with the status quo. I genuinely don’t think I would react any differently. But there is someone who reacts differently and against his own self-interest. It’s Goro, the one who has arguably the most to lose, who doesn’t turn away from Akira. He seeks Akira out and teams up with him to uncover what’s really going on, even though he has every reason to believe that prodding too deep will literally mean the end of his life. He forces Akira and himself to face the truth because he knows anything else would just be an insult to what they’ve suffered so far. He’s the only one who never flinches, and that, more than any of his friends’ come-to-jesusing (which Akira still has to initiate) is what Akira needs in that situation. For the first time (outside of the brief instances in the tutorial levels), we see a situation where Akira is actually the dependent one, the one who needs help, who needs support. And the only one who has ever provided that, unconditionally, without demanding anything in return, is Goro. I could go into how Goro’s confidant blows all of the others out of the water in terms of building both himself AND Akira as characters, but it’s been said already and by smarter people than me. But basically, despite competition being a core theme of their relationship, Goro is the only character who is portrayed as Akira’s equal. Their contests are all in the name of improving not just Goro, but Akira too. Goro is the only character who expresses an interest in Akira’s inner life and development, and as such he knows Akira better than anyone else. So when Maruki tries to trap them all in a gilded birdcage, Goro won’t stand for it and he knows Akira won’t stand for it either. That’s why he’s so betrayed if you choose to accept the dreamworld. You’re negating the basis of your entire relationship with him and going against your own principles. Out of every character in the game, the one who knows Akira best and refuses to abandon him even when that could mean his own death is Goro Akechi.

I want to reiterate: I do not hate or even dislike the PT!! And tbh I don’t really think they “abandoned” Akira. That post, imo, is supposed to be kind of hyperbolic. Unless it’s referring to how many of them literally sprint away when he comes to talk to them lol. I look at it more like a commentary on how thoughtlessly the PT act as soon as their wishes are granted. I know it’s set up linearly for story purposes, but isn’t it kind of sad how no one checks up on Akira in the week he’s going around talking to people? Especially after he’s been acting so comparatively weird? It’s not unusual that they might be caught up in other stuff, but while you’re going around and visiting everyone, you don’t get a single text or call from ANY of the thieves, for a whole week!! Goro even comments on it directly with his pointed little “I’m sure you’re just as close as you were before” comment. God, he’s such a bitch. Ultimately, the PT do get their acts together, and it’s partially out of the realization that Akira is struggling alone against something and needs their help, which I love and appreciate. I think they are good friends who want to support Akira, but they can’t understand him past the role they’ve placed him in, and until they do, they’ll never be able to be what he needs. Akira loves his friends and knows he can rely on them in most ways, but those relationships will always be dogged by the pervasive fear that he must constantly earn the right to have the relationship at all. What he needs MOST is someone he doesn’t have to perform for, and from what we see in the game, none of the thieves fit that bill. Except Goro. 

I know this was long and rambly and probably pretty disjointed but I wanted to be as thorough as possible and all of my thoughts just sort of gushed out. Obviously ymmv about all of this depending on how you interpret the game, but this is what I arrived at thanks to my analysis so this is what I have for you! Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk

[mst3kproject]

Voodoo Island

Leonard Maltin thought this movie was boring, which is, honestly, kind of terrifying.  Its ostensible star is Boris Karloff, who somehow managed to avoid ever being on MST3K, but it was produced by Howard Koch, the director of Untamed Youth, and was written by Richard Laundau, who did the same for Lost Continent (uhoh).  It’s also got Jean Engstrom from The Space Children, and if the voice of the radio operator sounds familiar that’s because it’s 🎶 Adam Weeeeeest.

A hotel company wants to build a resort on a tropical island, but the scouting party they sent never came back – except for one guy, Mitchell, who has been reduced to a catatonic state by whatever it was he saw there.  Worried, the hotelier sends renowned skeptic Mr. Knight to find out if it’s true that the island is under some kind of voodoo curse.  After much wasting of the audience’s time, Knight’s party reaches the island and finds it infested with man-eating plants, coconut crabs, and unfriendly natives.  I wish I could tell you more of the plot, but that’s basically all there is.

Voodoo Island is unusual as bad movies go, in that you don’t actually realize how bad it is until it’s over.  Things that seem to be the plot move merrily along, always feeling like it’s building up to something cool… and then at the last moment it just deflates like a gas station tube man with his fan turned off.  In hindsight, the audience realizes that very little of what they just saw had anything to do with what was supposedly going on. In many ways, you never do find out what was going on at all!

The middle section of this movie is not quite as obviously padded as Lost Continent with its endless rock climbing, but almost all of it is, retrospectively, pointless.  On the first leg of their journey to the island, the party’s plane is caught in a storm and forced to make an emergency landing – only to find that the weather has mysteriously cleared right up!  After repairing their radio they set off again, and nothing much comes of the incident.  They stop on another island where they have trouble hiring a boat, and where somebody puts a curse of some sort on them.  Nothing comes of this.  Later still, their boat stalls out and refuses to start again, even after they’ve cleared a blocked fuel line.  This has no real consequences, because the tide carries them in anyway, and the movie never deals with what happens when they try to leave the island again.

Along for the ride is Mitchell, the guy who was so terrified by what he saw on the island that he hasn’t moved or spoken since. He has a couple of medical emergencies that resolve themselves without long-term consequences, and then simply drops dead before they ever reach the island.  They don’t learn anything from him or his condition.  A similar fate later befalls another character, Finch, but this time the movie ends before he has a chance to either die or snap out of it. Mitchell is only in this movie to make it longer, and possibly so it could claim it had a zombie.

With the movie already half-over, we finally reach this mysterious island.  The group are greeted by a trail of clues that make Knight thing somebody is trying to lead them somewhere… perhaps to answers, perhaps to a trap.  Eventually they’re captured by the natives, but there’s no reason they had to be in a particular place for this to happen – the natives have been following them the whole time and could have intervened at any point.  None of this stuff reads as padding because it feels like it’s going to lead to something.  Again, it’s only when the credits unexpectedly start to roll that you realize almost the whole movie was irrelevant.

Padding is not Voodoo Island’s only problem – the dialogue is awkward at best.  Most of it is on a Revenge of the Sith level, where characters just say exactly what they’re thinking in a way that might have sounded poetic on paper but just doesn’t work out loud.  The boat captain, Gunn, gets a Gunslinger moment in which he narrates his traumatic backstory in a single talking head shot.  Knight is forever going on about Rational Explanations and then suddenly declares his change of heart when confronted with a voodoo doll.  There’s no meat to this arc at all, no sense of Knight questioning his worldview or coming to terms with anything – he just says I do believe! like he’s in a Santa Claus movie and then it’s over.

The worst of both the dialogue and the supposed character arcs occur in the love story.  There are girls in this movie, so of course there has to be a love story, and it’s terrible.  The lady half of this one is Knight’s assistant Miss Adams, who is very poised and professional and doesn’t smoke or drink, and spends the first half of the movie being tutted at by just about everybody.  The other woman in the group, Claire, tells her she could just be so pretty if she’d only change the way she did her hair.  Gunn calls her a ‘machine’ and asks if she even knows how to be a woman.  This raises some hackles in the modern viewer, who wants to see Adams appreciated for what she is rather than what she has the potential to be if she changes everything about herself.

But Voodoo Island was made in the fifties, when changing yourself to please a man was what women aspired to!  Miss Adams therefore swears off being a nerd and kisses Gunn, whose main personality trait is being a stunning asshole.  He’s drunk and bitter, and earlier in the movie he tried to hit on Claire, who had to tell him to fuck off about four times before he got the idea.  Later he insults and threatens Adams because her intelligence makes him feel like less of a man.  Apparently one kiss from her completely undoes his PTSD and he’s a better person now.

These two getting together also totally dismisses the healthy and supportive friendship Adams has with Knight, who is not only her boss but has some fatherly affection for her.  He praises her work ethic and tells her that she shouldn’t listen to people who think she’s boring.  I guess we’re supposed to think it’s good that she quits working for him so she can run off with a drunk who’s threatened to slap her, because Gunn will make her life more exciting.

At the supposed climax, the natives (an assortment of ethnic-looking extras who never speak) take the group prisoner, and they are brought before the chief (a white guy in dark makeup), who tells them why outsiders aren’t allowed on the island.  The prisoners are taken to a hut where they are tied up.  One of them is possibly murdered by voodoo, and then the chief… just lets the rest of them leave.  No conditions specified, although it’s implied that the islanders have more voodoo dolls and plenty of pins.  We don’t even find out if they actually made it back.  To get to their boat, the party will have to pass back through the carnivorous jungle without a guide, and once they reach the beach, they’ll have to fix their engine.  It really feels like there ought to have been more of a climax, never mind a denouement. As the credits begin, I was just going, “that’s it?”

The actors are mostly mediocre.  Boris Karloff tries really hard to rise above the material but never gets there, which is understandable when his lines are things like, “no, you fool, they’ll slaughter us to bits!”.  All this badness really is a terrible shame, too, because Voodoo Island’s setpiece monsters, the man-eating plants, are actually incredibly cool.  They never look real, but they’re much more creative than the standard giant Venus’ flytrap.  There’s a thing that wraps long bean-like leaves around a swimmer and drowns her, another than catches its victims with a sticky bulbous stem, and yet a third that folds ferny fronds around prey and digests it!  A movie that made proper use of these monsters would be a great time. I hope the prop people went on to the better things they deserved.

(At the other end of the effects scale are the coconut crabs I mentioned.  These are not actual coconut crabs, but dead specimens of some other, much more gracile species.  This, too, is unfortunate, because coconut crabs are living crustacean nightmares capable of killing and eating seagulls.  One theory about Amelia Earhart’s ultimate fate is that she was devoured by coconut crabs.)

As for Voodoo Island having anything to say… it has some kind of muddled point about not dismissing the supernatural out of hand, but its ‘magic’ is pretty lame, and Knight’s arc is handled so badly that it passes by without making much of an impression.  The story does seem to have another possible theme, though.  As usual I can’t tell if this is intentional or not, but Voodoo Island seems to have something to say about concepts of ownership.

The hotelier has taken an interest in the island because he did an inventory of his properties and discovered he owned it. How he came to do so, we have no idea… it must have been sold to him by somebody else who’d likewise never been there, since the tribal chief tells us that Mitchell and his companions were the first white men to ever go there.  What made that person think they owned it?  Does the concept of ownership even mean anything when you don’t know that you own something?  Does owning something entitle you to destroy it?

The natives own the island in the much less abstract sense that they live there.  The chief tells the party that his people went to this island on purpose, because they thought its nasty flora would keep white people from following them there. They want no part of modern civilization, and seem completely unaware that somebody outside their community is claiming he owns this land.  Whether the idea of ‘owning’ land is even a meaningful one to them, we can’t tell. When the Lenape allowed the Dutch to live on Manhattan Island, they probably had no idea the settlers would consider the land exclusively theirs.

These are some things that still need thinking about in the twenty-first century, and if you’re going to watch Voodoo Island do it for that and for the fun monsters.  Even then, you’re likely to be disappointed.

[metasnkpotato]

Why Eremika is amazing (part 2.)

Hello ! I promised a long time ago to make a following of this eremika post , so I apologize for time it took but it’s finally here ~ (however don’t expect to a lot of thing since the essential has already been said in the beginning, actually). 

3. An universal POV on love, beauty beyond cruelty

The "Cruel and beautiful" Mikasa’s maxim is at the epicenter of SnK. As many metaposters have already presented that, I wouldn’t go back in length on why it is (but just recall the fact that it’s important the most “universal” axiom of SnK is being done through eremika’s prism). Imo, this principle is to link with another idea that has circulated throughout the story : does life in a cruel world has a meaning ?

This part of the world, the one with hazardous deaths and merciless of titans / enemies, does represent the cruel side. The cruelty is to be found in the absurd and the chance, the fact that some survive (the case of Floch in particular after the attack carried out by Erwin) and others die, without there being no justification to give of it. 

But what is the beautiful side of such a world, to which Mikasa’s referring when she’s thinking of Eren ?

Well, again it's quite sparse / interpretative (that's also why this post is a struggle to write), but this answer has a relation with the fact that narratively, the connection between eremika and the world is strong.

This is carried firstly by the place of main character of Eren and especially the fact that each of his actions has a major impact on the whole world currently but also because the relation eremika is surrounded by reflections, and by plot relevance around the world.

The reason I'm led to think that is the Eren and Mikasa’s moment at chapter 50 which may prefigure many things, and which are still accurate imo, especially with the coordinate. The first time Eren was able to activate coordinate was because of his desire to protect his loved ones, and especially at that moment, Mikasa. This is also highlighted by Eren’s memory who opens the chapter :

To go back on the said moment, it's interesting to observe a small detail in the animation, but which got its importance, that when Eren is feeling that his power doesn’t have any meaning since he still not able to save his parental figure (his mother, then Hannes) and realizes they're doomed, the brightness of the environment gradually decreases as if to suggest the world’s darkness, its cruelty in short.

Then Mikasa reminds him of the second facet of her maxim, through the memory of the scarf moment : “Thank you for being with me, for teaching me how to live, for wrapping this scarf around me.” It's also interesting to note that the perspective is essentially centered on Eren at that time, both on the side of the darkening world and the discussion with Mikasa since even the memory of the scarf that she evokes is drawn from his point of view:

Anyway, what I wanted to say is that this moment is especially important because of the embodiment of human natural sympathy it makes. Yes the world is cruel, there is non-sense and absurdity behind everything for which men struggle (Eren struggled to control a powerful force, to be worthy of representing humanity’s hope and it’s meaningless because Hannes still died and still they’re all doomed). But the natural sympathy that there is between men which is able to make a boy gives his home to a girl he doesn’t know for none other reason than this sympathy, is something beautiful and meaningful enough. So the beauty correspond at the meaning one can give to life, in the sense of a connection with humans and humanity itself. It’s the connection within humans as something warming

Like Mikasa’s maxim (”cruel but very beautiful”), though cruelty is present at first, the beauty of the world ends up prevailing over it since the environment after this memory, is illuminating again :

What makes this relationship universal is also that, narratively, the fact that Eren and Mikasa manage to share this moment literally saves everyone (Eren manages to engage the coordinate and they can all leave) (we can also notice in the animation above, that through this light increasing / decreasing we're going from a focus on eremika to a focus that illuminates the rest of the environment).

The theme of beauty also joins the theme of humanity in this sense. To resume on Arendt on which I had finished the last meta, the definition of humanity is the recognition in a community of living, that is to say the feeling of belonging trough this community, to the world, among similar persons. And in this imo, eremika represents all forms of love in SnK.

There was a meta about love as a lifeline a few months ago (but unfortunately I can’t find it again, if it recalls something to anyone don’t hesitate to tell it !), which was particularly accurate with this. Love, in its particular form, provides access to a universal form of love, and is the only way that can truly reverse the course of events and the cycle of hatred / enemy / resentment / war etc.

As a matter of fact, currently in manga’s action, things are at a reverse stage at this level. Mikasa and Eren have both given up the warmth of the scarf symbol and failed to communicate, coming up on a quiproquo (Eren believe Mikasa don’t see him more as a family debt, and Mikasa believe Eren had always hated her). And as a fact even though actions are supposed to go in the sense of saving loved ones, results aren’t very positive: chapter 50 -> everyone is saved ; chapter 124 -> the rest of the world in exchange of four people lives.

Well I’m not saying either eremika is a holy grail and at the very moment they’ll finally truly communicate on their love, entire world and SC and titans and Ymir will be saved, it would be way too sweet. But I do think a moment of exchange with their parallel (Mikasa and Falco especially) and the coming back of scarf moment may have an impact on the closure of the issue with world’s annihilation currently.

Well, this meta was pretty far-fetched and not very “limpid”, I probably wouldn’t have published if it wasn’t for the so kind people who asked it, so here it is ! I just hope it’s not too much disappointing compared to the delay you’ve wait for it ahah, and in any case, thank you very much for all the sweet words and encouragement ~

[petracore101]

The Conflicting Narratives in RWBY V7

We’ve officially reached the end of the volume, so I’d like to share my take on why the final episodes were so controversial, and how the wild variety of reactions to them is rooted in the conflicting narratives of the volume. (And, to close a very long post, a hopeful note).

Part 1: What Drives a Narrative?

Before we can dig in, we’ve got to talk about how narrative arcs progress. Typically, stories are driven either by their plot (and thus focus on an external goal or enemy) or by their characters (and thus focus on internal struggles and growth). Though almost every story has a bit of both plot and characters driving the narrative, they’ll usually fall primarily on one side or the other.

At first glance, RWBY seems to fall into the plot-driven category. The characters are essentially working to stop Salem and save the world. But I would argue that it is actually a far more character driven show. The first 3 volumes are devoted to establishing our main characters, their internal struggles, and their motivations for what they do. Only after all that buildup are we told the true ‘mission’, but even then our characters do not revolve solely around that goal. We spend v4-5 exploring the personal trauma of each character, and only return to pursuing the plot goals in v6. That volume, too, was largely character driven, with our heroes confronting the potential futility of their mission and how to overcome that internal conflict. But, ultimately, these character-driven arcs are all set within one overarching plot-driven story. And that makes RWBY a complicated show to write.

It is in this inherent complexity that I think the conflict around V7 resides. The first 3/4 of the volume is almost exclusively character driven- with interpersonal relationships and internal struggles taking the vast majority of screen time. The team’s reactions to Mantle and Robyn, Ironwood’s development, the Ace Ops’ views on teamwork and friendship, the Schnee family dynamics, and Penny’s return/emotional conflict are all deeply personal character-driven arcs. But, like all of RWBY, this is set against the backdrop of a plot-driven main conflict. The goal is ultimately to keep Salem & co from doing to Atlas and Remnant what they did to Beacon. And though we focus on the character driven story elements at first, the end of the volume must wrap up the plot. And so the must narrative become more plot-driven.

Part 2: Satisfying Character Arcs

The (arguably) biggest challenge when balancing character and plot-driven narratives is to ensure that the choices the plot needs characters to make are set up or explained by their internal and interpersonal characterization. If you start with a plot-driven story, you need the resulting character reactions to satisfy the plot lines you set up. If you start with a character-driven story, you need the concluding plot elements to satisfy the character arcs you’ve established. Basically, character motivations must naturally lead into what the plot requires. Otherwise the story you tell just isn’t satisfying, and you leave your audience feeling confused or cheated. Weaving those elements together can be incredibly challenging, hence why most stories let one or the other drive the narrative.

In v7, RWBY failed to adequately show how the character arcs in the first part of the volume would motivate their plot-required actions in the final few episodes. While the plot’s direction was somewhat clear from the start, the character-driven narrative simply did not organically tie into the plot-driven one. So, while the final episodes make perfect sense from an external, plot-grounded perspective, they do not make sense from an internal, character-grounded one. How well this goes over with an audience is really perception based, but I’ll get there in a bit. For, now, let’s look at some examples of what I mean:

Ironwood’s plot-driven narrative is that of a general willing to do whatever it takes to stop the greatest threat to mankind. Despite authoritarian tendencies, he tries to work with RWBY&co, and eventually learns to trust his fellow leaders and work with them in a last ditch effort to save his cities. But he is pushed past his breaking point when Salem uses his compassion against him to threaten everything he’s charged with protecting. In a final bid to keep from losing on every front, he betrays his new allies and abandons many of his people to protect the relics and those he thinks he can still save. Now, that progression makes sense. The plot works, it seems like a solid arc. The problem is that his character-driven narrative does not set that ending up. In the early volume, we see him repeatedly face down impossible odds, choose to trust those around him rather than silence them, and refuse to give in to fear even when confronted with his biggest PTSD trigger. We are never shown a moment where he gives into fear, or sacrifices lives to save others, or even acts on some suspicion towards RWBY & co. We are told about past actions, and we can thus infer what the plot implies about him, yes, but the character narrative does not establish the conditions for his final plot plot choices.

Clover has a similar issue. The plot tells us that he’s a top special operative, wholly devoted to Ironwood and willing to follow his orders into anything. He tries to reach out to Qrow, to form a working relationship, but typically does not see professional partnerships as personally meaningful. When given an order to arrest Qrow, he does so without question, certain his general has due cause. And when Qrow won’t go quietly, he does everything in his power to take him in by force. Again, all that makes sense, from a plot perspective. But that does not match the character that the early volume developed. Instead, almost all of Clover’s characterization centers on Qrow. He is kind and flirtatious with him, has virtually no interactions with anyone else, and Ironwood is rarely even mentioned. Clover’s relationship with Qrow characterizes him as easy going and reasonable, and they do not show any focus on his devotion to Ironwood or even to following orders. Because he’s only ever developed on screen by his interactions with Qrow, that’s the only character driven narrative we have for him. So while his plot arc makes sense for the character concept and plot beats, it isn’t supported by his characterization.

The same could even be said of Qrow, who chooses to work with Tyrian to stop Clover when he can’t get Clover to stop attacking him. The plot essentially tells us that he thinks it always comes to this with his friends, that Qrow will always choose to do what he must to survive and keep fighting. But Qrow’s v7 characterization has been about fear of hurting those he cares for, and relief at being around someone he might not inherently endanger. Even with Raven, he never aimed to truly hurt her, even when she sided with Salem. The past several volumes, his journey has been about learning to let those he loves be near him- which he has done with RWBYJNOR. There were no character moments in v7 indicating that he still had massive doubts about that choice. And he’s certainly shown no indication that he would ever work with someone he despised, especially not against someone he cared for. While his plot makes sense for a tired older man who’s used to being alone and has already lost so much, his previous characterization in this volume simply does not match the decisions the plot demands he make.

Likewise, Robyn’s willingness to square off with Clover on the airship makes sense for her plot. She’s the rebellious hometown vigilante hero, passionate and willing to fight for what she believes in. But her characterization has repeatedly shown that she knows when to back down and live to fight another day, when to manipulate those around her to get what she needs, and when to run so she can do more good elsewhere. We’ve never previously seen her turn to useless violence out of anger, even when pressed (as with the cargo blockade or election night). Her primary concern has always been show to be the people of Mantle, and she’s always smart about placing herself in the optimal position to help them. And she’s very good at finding another way when faced with horrid choices. So choosing to fight Clover in a tiny airship (while a completely justified response), doesn’t match the character we’ve seen established. That character might have ditched the plane to go help Mantle, might have convinced Clover to let her get to Ironwood, might even have convinced Qrow to fight back against Clover. But trying to take Clover out when the odds are entirely against her, and Tyrian’s still a threat? That choice only matches her plot.

In some ways, the Ace Ops as a whole have a similar problem. Though, for them, it is more that we got very little initial characterization, and not much screen time showing their relationship with team RWBY. This doesn’t bother me as much, because they are truly just side characters, but it does make the personal stake they seem to have in their battle with RWBY seem odd. Again, the character narrative did not adequately set up relationships between them, so when the plot demands they feel personally betrayed by RWBY’s dissension, it falls a little flat.

While none of these choices are really out of character when taken in the context of the plot, they are not actions that would naturally arise from the character narrative. And so, regardless of how many plot points there are telling us that the character will act this way, it still feels inorganic because we’ve never seen them act this way. The arc might make sense in the plot, but it’s not satisfying.

Part 3: Perception of Narrative

How a moment feels to the audience is dependent on how they’re engaging with the material. There are lots of ways for a viewer to engage with a show, but they are generally focused on what lens the audience member is using to view the narrative. For the purpose of this discussion, we’ll compare people who see stories through the eyes of a character(s) and those who see them through the context of the plot. Neither is inherently better, but both offer distinct perspectives on the narrative.

When viewed through the lens of plot, v7 is a coherent and well executed story arc. But because the plot-driven and character-driven parts of the narrative in v7 often don’t match up, people who view the story through the context of plot see a very different story than those who are viewing it through the eyes of the characters. This is particularly true if the characters an audience member engages with have been characterized differently by their internal struggles than by the plot. Some characters (like team RWBY, for example) have had plot actions which are largely consistent with their characterization and internal motivations. So viewers who see the story through their eyes may not see any major discontinuity in the narrative. But other characters (like those in part 2), made some choices in the last few episodes that do not follow naturally from their previous behavior. Though there is plot justification for these inconsistencies, viewers seeing the story through their eyes will still find the discontinuity jarring. And that impacts the perceived validity of the narrative.

And thus we get some parts of the FNDM furious over inconsistent or poorly written character arcs, while others see them as perfectly in character and well written. And again, neither perspective is better. They are simply viewing the story with entirely different context. And because v7’s final episodes did not smoothly transition from a character-driven to plot-driven narrative, that different context creates conflicting perceived narratives.

Part 4: Writing and Sacrifices

So how did we end up its such a big difference in how the narrative was perceived? Well, I think it has a lot to do with RWBY getting a new writing team.

Don’t get me wrong- I’m SO glad they’ve brought on some new writers. They absolutely needed more hands on deck, and some of my favorite moments this volume have come from the new folks at the writing desk. But learning to work with a new team is a hard process. Balancing this many characters and story arcs is hard even when you only have to communicate with yourself, and the more people you add, the harder it gets. Weaving together character and plot driven narratives is never easy, but trying to do so with a writing team that is still learning how they work together? That’s damn near impossible.

Overall, I think the team did an incredible job, especially since it was their first volume together, and they were taking on a massive amount of material. But I do think that they bit off more story than they had time to chew. Limited runtime makes it challenging to fit in enough connecting tissue without sacrificing other aspects of the story they wanted to tell, and honestly I’m not sure it would even have been possible if they’d been working together for decades. This was a somewhat short volume, without many long episodes. We started with a lot of characters- RWBY, JNOR, Qrow and Maria- and then added Pietro, Penny, Ironwood, Winter, the Ace Ops, the Happy Huntresses, the Schnee family, the Council... Not to mention juggling Watts, Tyrian, Cinder, and Neo. There just wasn’t time to establish all of them, let alone weave all their motivations and identities into a coherent plot.

I don’t think there was any way for the writers to give everything the screen time it needed to develop. We didn’t even have time to introduce everyone to each other, even with most character growth postponed to allow time to show us a few key dynamics. Already established dynamics (like those among RWBY and JNOR) aren’t given a lot of focus, because they can just be inferred. So we got a volume where most of the main cast has a flat or nonexistent character arc, and side characters whose brief moments of characterization have to focus on humanizing them and getting the audience interested, rather than establishing a precedent for their future decisions. And all the rest gets told to us outside the on-screen events of the volume, or through rapid/fire exposition. Which works well for some people, and is still good from a plot-focused perspective, but throws others entirely out of the narrative because it doesn’t allow for a character-driven one.

I get the feeling that the writers were faced with limited time and a lot of story to tell. And so they chose to sacrifice some continuity in character development in order to fit more of the plot they wanted, rather than lose any plot points or spread out the arcs. And while I understand the reasoning behind that choice, I’m not sure that the sacrifice was worth it.

Part 5: A Personal Note

For me, the most interesting and uplifting thing about RWBY is how much the character’s choices are their own. Despite living in a world that seems built to force them on a certain path, they stubbornly continue to choose their own destinies. Even in the face of destruction, their choices always matter. I love that in a story so focused on destiny, choice is ultimately the greatest power the characters have. It’s such a beautiful message, and it’s a big part of why I love the show. So to have their internal motivations overlooked for the sake of plot feels, well, wrong to me. As if it contradicts the very core of the story’s meaning.

This volume’s conclusion has left me feeling... disappointed. The message of the plot still matches the story I fell in love with, but, for me at least, that message is undermined by the way we got there. The journey will always hold more meaning to me than the destination, and the characters more importance than the plot. That said, RWBY is still one of my favorite stories, and a journey I am glad to be on. I hope that the writers will learn from the criticism of this volume’s end, as they have from criticism in the past. I’ll keep loving and supporting this show, it’s characters, and it’s creative team. And I’ll keep hoping that the next chapter in this story will be better than the last.

Because, ultimately, that’s what RWBY means to me. That it’s worth it to keep on hoping, to keep on loving, to keep on opening your heart to the world. To just... live.

[nazariolahela]

Something Domestic: Chapter 3

A/N: Hey y'all! This is a new TRR AU I’ve been working on. This story is told in first-person narrative, from Riley’s (MC) POV. There will likely be smidges of canon in this, but not too much. Thanks for reading, and please leave feedback, and/or if you would like to be tagged.

Catch up here

Series Tags: @burnsoslow​ @aworldoffandoms​ @dcbbw​ @ladyangel70​ @texaskitten30​ @sunandlemons​ @jlynn12273​ @indiacater​ @jared2612​ @rainbowsinthestorm​ @drakesensworld​ @badchoicesposts​

Synopsis: When Riley Brooks takes a new job as a nanny for the affluent Rhys family in New York’s Upper East Side, she assumes she’s just going to care for the children of the couple who hired her. But instead of just school pick-ups and afternoon snacks, she also finds herself spending time with Liam, the handsome divorced dad. Can Riley control her feelings for Liam while still performing the job she was hired for?

All characters are the property of Pixelberry Studios. Thanks for allowing me to borrow them.

Chapter Summary: Riley and Hana discuss the new changes in their lives.

As the cab pulls up outside of Nomade, I spot Hana leaning up against the side of the building. She’s dressed in black leggings and a denim jacket over a purple A-Line tunic. Her brown hair is twisted in a side braid that rests on her left shoulder. Tendrils fall across her face as she taps on her phone screen. Looking at the door to the restaurant, I notice there’s no line. That’s good for a Friday afternoon, considering people line up around the block to eat here.

Hana and I prefer the lunch menu because it’s cheaper and less crowded. The one time we came here for dinner, we had to wait two and a half hours for a table, and our tab was almost $300. I tip the driver and exit the cab, bounding across the sidewalk to my roommate and best friend. She giggles as she sees me and scoops me into a bone-crushing hug. 

“Hey, girl! You’ll never guess who just emailed me!”

“Who?” I ask. Her parents Xinghai and Lorelai are well-known in the New York social scene, so it could literally be anyone.

“I’ll tell you when we get inside,” she says and links her arm through mine as we make our way into the restaurant. Typical Hana. Always keeping people in suspense. When we reach the host station, her phone buzzes. She quickly pulls it out of her purse and glances at it, rolls her eyes, then shoves it back in her purse.

“What was that all about?” I eye her.

She sighs. “Oh, just some weirdo my parents are trying to set me up with. Neville Vancoeur or something,” she waves her hand dismissively. “My mother gave me her famous ‘When are you going to settle down, Hana? You’re not getting any younger and I want grandchildren,’ spiel last week, so now they’re aggressively playing matchmaker.”

Hana and I met freshman year at NYU Steinhardt. With both of us being education majors, we ended up having a lot of classes together and spent way too many late nights cramming during our study sessions in the library. After graduation, we both realized rent in this city is impossible to afford if you’re not a Rockefeller, so we rented an apartment together and have been roomies ever since. Hana got a job student-teaching music at Stormholt Middle School, and she also gives piano lessons one Saturday a month to a rich family in the city.

Her parents are something else. I’ve only met them once, but they make me glad I don’t have much of a relationship with mine. They feel she’s better suited to be a wife and a mother than an educator. It makes me angry for her because she’s so much more than that. She doesn’t need to marry some stuffy guy who probably skated his way through business school on daddy’s money and pop out his crotch goblins to do something meaningful with her life. She’s also mentioned to me many times that she’s into girls, so all this effort to set her up with some preppy trust-fund douche from East Hampton is a waste. Jokes on you Mom and Dad Lee.

I giggle as the hostess arrives from seating another customer. “Good afternoon, ladies. Table for two?”

We answer and she grabs two menus before motioning for us to follow her. When we arrive at our table, she informs us our server will be with us shortly and walks away. 

“Okay, so tell me who emailed you,” I say to her as I unroll my napkin and place it in my lap. She looks up at me, her eyes beaming. 

“Do you remember that benefit dinner we went to a few months ago? You know, the one for New York educators, where we drank our weight in Lemon Drop martinis?”

I smirk recalling that evening. The bits and pieces I remember, Hana lost one of her shoes and spent the better part of the evening showing everyone on the dancefloor the “proper way” to perform a pirouette.

“Well, I do remember you taking over the dance floor and me going home with that cute bartender. What was his name again? Daniel?”

“Oh my god!” she replies, laughing and slapping my forearm. “I can’t believe you don’t remember his name!”

We giggle as our server approaches our table to take our drink orders. I order a glass of white wine and Hana orders a Sangria. When the server leaves, we resume our conversation.

“So anyway,” she continues, “that night, I was talking to one of the ladies who works in the music department at Valtoria High School, and apparently there were rumors their music teacher was planning to retire. So, after we exchanged information, she passed it along to the school board, and they just emailed me asking me if I was interested in a job!”

My eyebrows shoot up to my forehead. “And?”

“And...I think I’m going to take it!”

I jump up from my seat and move around the table to wrap her in a hug. “Oh my God, Hana! That’s amazing!”  She laughs as I give her a congratulatory squeeze. Hana has been trying to get a position with Valtoria High since we graduated. It has one of the top music programs in the city, and the waitlist is insanely long. Most of the teachers there have tenure, so not many positions open up unless someone quits, retires, or dies. Hana securing a position on the teaching staff will not only get her parents off her back but also open up so many doors for her. Her dream is to eventually start her own music school where she can teach music to kids of all social and economic statuses. 

We return to our seats as our drinks arrive and the waitress takes our lunch order. After she leaves, Hana turns to me. “So, enough about me. Tell me about the new nanny job.”

I smile. “The interview went really well. I met the family I’ll be working for. They seem really nice and I’m excited to get the opportunity to work with them. My first day with them is Monday. The pay is pretty great, plus, the children seem very well-behaved. Nothing like the last family I worked for. The mother comes off a bit cold, but she seems pretty easy to work for. At least I don’t have to worry about her micromanaging everything I do.”

“Uh-huh. And what about the father?” 

I whip out my phone and google “Liam Rhys” to show her a picture of him. After scrolling past links to his company and click-baity articles from the local tabloids, I pull up a photo of him and his older brother from a few years ago. I hand the phone to her. She glances at it, her eyes wide.

“Oh wow...Riley… That’s Liam Rhys,” she says, warily.

“Yeah. What about it?”

She shakes her head and hands the phone back to me. “Nothing, it’s just his family is very well known throughout the city, as well as in the tabloids. Not to mention, he’s extremely attractive, so you need to be careful.”

I cross my arms over my chest. “What are you trying to say, Hana?”

Her face turns serious. “You’re a wonderful person, Riley. I read those tabloids, and I see what they say about the nannies of public figures like him. I don’t want your name dragged through the mud because you were photographed staring too hard at Liam.”

“It will be fine, Hana. Don’t worry about it.”

“I’m sorry. I can’t help it. I remember what happened with Ben Affleck’s nanny. And Gavin Rossdale’s nanny. And Jude Law’s nanny”

“Those men were also sleeping with their nannies while they were still married. Even if it gets that far, he’s getting divorced. We wouldn’t be doing anything wrong.”

“The public won’t see it that way. They’ll blame you for the split. Just be careful.”

I nod, taking her words seriously. Our waitress returns with our meals and we dig in. We spend the rest of the meal gossiping about our friends from college; who’s working where, who’s getting married, who got arrested, and so forth. After the check arrives, we pay our tabs and gather our things to head out. As we exited the restaurant, Hana turns to me and grabs my arm turning my body toward hers.

“Hey. I just wanted to let you know that I’m here if you need anything. Please don’t forget that.” 

I smiled and wrap her in a hug. “I know. Don’t think that I won’t take your words to heart. I know what I’m getting myself into with the Rhys family, and I appreciate you looking out for me.”

“Of course, that’s what besties do.” Her phone chimes inside her purse. She releases me and reaches into her purse to retrieve it. She frowns then slides it back into her purse. “I’d ask you if you wanted to head over to The Double Tappe for a drink, but my mom wants me to come over. I’ll see you back at the apartment?”

“You bet. I think I’m going to head over to the Northbridge Mall and buy some new outfits for my new job.”

She laughs and wraps me up in another hug. “‘Kay. Call me later,” she says before turning and walking down the sidewalk. I wave goodbye and take off in the opposite direction. As I stroll down the street, I walk past a magazine stand. There on the rack is the latest issue of Trend the receptionist was reading earlier. I pull a $5 from my purse, and set it on the counter, before picking up a copy of the magazine. After thanking the cashier, I slip the magazine in my bag and continue walking until I reach the bus stop on the corner. When the bus arrives, I step on, flash my Transit Pass, and take a seat near the front. I settle in and pull the magazine out to read up on my new employers.  

The article shows pictures of Liam, Madeleine, and the kids at the park. The kids look adorable playing with their father and each other. Madeleine is sitting on a bench, her nose in her phone, wearing her usual resting bitch face. I swear, that woman never smiles. Then, there’s Liam. The butterflies in my stomach start fluttering at the sight of him playing with his children. The cutlines on the photos mention how happy he looks to be spending the day away from work with his kids, but I don’t need to read it. I can see it in his face. 

Despite his notoriety here in New York, he’s still a man that is devoted to his family. It’s a shame his soon-to-be ex-wife, couldn’t see that. Stop it, Riley. Their relationship is none of your business. But it is, though. Now that I’m working for their family, their business is my business. Which means I have to keep my mouth shut about what happens behind closed doors. I’d hate to lose my job because I told someone something, who told someone else, who leaked it to the press.

I read on and catch myself staring at the pictures of him. It’s unfair how good looking he is. The fact that he is a doting dad makes him that much sexier. My cheeks flush as I imagine sitting at the park with him and the children. In my fantasy, I’m sitting on a picnic blanket, a wicker basket full of snacks and drinks, while he chases Philip and Charlotte around the grass. After they tire themselves out, they wander over and I pass out juice boxes and crackers. Liam comes up behind them, smiling. When he reaches me, he kneels on the blanket, takes me in his arms, and presses the most sensual kiss to my lips. 

The squealing of the bus’s breaks rips me from my little daydream and I shove the magazine in my purse. Nope. Not going there. I exhale loudly and stare out the window as the bus continues down the street. Oh man, I’m in big trouble.

[ladyanatui]

Ultimate Daiken Playlist, Pt. 2

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

This is the abridged version of my Spotify playlist for all things Daiken, organized from the start of 02 to...eventually.

Part 2 specifically covers from Ken finding Wormmon’s Digi-Tama to just after XV-mon and Stingmon Jogress-evolve into Paildramon.

TRIGGER WARNING: This post discusses depression, suicide, emotional abuse, and PTSD quite a lot. Take care of yourselves, folks!

Spotify Playlist

Click the song titles for YouTube links (apparently you can’t have more than five videos in a post), and otherwise, enjoy me rambling about Daiken.

One final note: Within the lyrics, I’ve emphasized meaningful words, such as night/nightmare, dark/darkness, miracle(s), kind/kindness, courage/bravery, friend/friendship, sun/star/light, fire/burn/ignite, angel(s), and words related to water/drowning.

“What If This Is All the Love You Ever Get?” by Snow Patrol

What if it hurts like hell? Then it'll hurt like hell Come on over, come on over here I'm in the ruins too I know the wreckage so well Come on over, come on over here What if this is all the love you ever get?

If “Tell Me Why” by Three Days Grace focuses on Wormmon’s death, this song focuses on Ken’s trip to the Village of Beginnings, where he finds Wormmon’s egg and brings him back. Because Ken is absolutely scared that he won’t be able to find Wormmon because, as far as he believes, he doesn’t deserve to have him back. Obviously, that’s not true, and the pair is reunited and Wormmon even evolves to Stingmon between episodes (unfortunately).

“Aftermath” by Adam Lambert

Wanna scream out, no more hiding Don't be afraid of what's inside Gonna tell ya you'll be alright In the aftermath

Alright, this song is probably pretty obvious. Ken has to deal with the aftermath of what happened to him/what he did, and so do the rest of the Chosen Children. The others are cleaning up the Digital World while he’s learning to be an eleven-year-old boy again and allowing his parents to get to know him for the first time, even while he still tries to figure out who he is.

“Demons” by The All-American Rejects

Am I even here? Is it still even me? Am I some of the man that I still claim to be? It's like losing a fight, I'm alone in the ring You come to fix me? Would you believe, could you believe you need me?

Obviously, it’s not that easy, though. And when we experience trauma the way Ken does, having his choices and very personality taken from him, there’s a long road of recovery.

“Sinking Man” by Of Monsters and Men

Cold, dark sea Wrapping its arms around me Pulling me down to the deep All eyes on me

I pushed you away Although I wished you could stay So many words left unsaid But I'm all out of breath

I associate this song especially with the scene Ken and Daisuke share by the canal, where Daisuke asks Ken to apologize and join the team. The moment apologizing is mentioned, Ken agrees--which, of course, has Daisuke over the moon--but then he asks if Daisuke thinks the others would forgive him, if a mere apology would make up for everything he did.

Although he’s certainly right about them not accepting an apology without action and follow-through to back it up, he’s also (surprise, surprise) self-sabotaging. And that’s even more apparent the moment Daisuke calls him their “partner.” Ken flips out and runs off pretty quickly.

“The Real You” by Three Days Grace

And it seems like I've known you forever I'll keep you safe for one more night Need you to know that it's all right I see the real you Even if you don't I do I do

And this is the other side of the coin. Daisuke’s perspective of that same scene/situation. Because Daisuke looked into the Digimental of Miracles and he knows that Ken is good. He knows it with all his freaking beautiful heart, and he’s willing to completely ignore the other Chosen Children when they outright tell him they don’t want Ken on the team. He doesn’t care what they say because he knows how wrong they are, and he knows how wrong Ken is about himself.

It’s pretty safe to say that Daisuke is the only person in all of 02 who sees Ken for who he really is, and he’s willing to put everything on the line, including the team morale and dynamics, to support Ken.

“Numb” by Linkin Park

Can't you see that you're smothering me? Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control 'Cause everything that you thought I would be Has fallen apart right in front of you Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow Every step that I take is another mistake to you Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow And every second I waste is more than I can take

What playlist about a character with depression would be complete without this? “Numb” is an iconic depression song, made even more so by Chester Bennington’s death, though Linkin Park has so many songs related to depression and mental health.

**Okay, it’s pretty safe to say the next six songs have to do with the two-part episode (episodes 26 & 27) revolving around Daisuke and Ken’s initial Jogress evolution. It’s kind of a big deal, so it’s a big deal in the playlist as well. The event functions as 02′s midpoint and centerpiece, so it’s one of the most emotionally charged and important scenes in the whole season. It really can’t be summed up in a song or two.**

“This Is How I Disappear” by My Chemical Romance

Can you hear me cry out to you? Words I thought I'd choke on figure out I'm really not so with you anymore I'm just a ghost So I can't hurt you anymore

This song in particular is about Ken’s suicidal ideation, the technical term for suicidal thoughts. Ken is what is sometimes called “gray suicidal” (since people often think of suicide in black and white terms, which isn’t accurate) because he has no specific plan to kill him, he’s never attempted suicide, and he doesn’t want to actually die.

And yet, he thinks about death a lot and that he deserves to die and that his death would help fix things because he can’t hurt anyone if he’s dead. He wants to punish himself, and he wants to carry all of the burden because he thinks he deserves it. (Obviously, this isn’t true, as Ken’s story arc is more about overcoming trauma than about redeeming himself--but you’d have a hard time convincing Ken of that fact.)

“Friend, Please” by Twenty One Pilots

Would you let me know your plans tonight 'Cause I just won't let go till we both see the light And I have nothing else left to say But I will listen to you all day, yes, I will

So basically, these next couple songs sum up the argument Daisuke and Ken have before their digivices light up for the Jogress evolution. First, Daisuke tries to convince Ken to let them help, that they’ll work together, but...

“Save Yourself” by My Darkest Days

I’m the devil’s son straight out of hell And you’re an angel with a haunted heart If you’re smart you’d run and protect yourself From the demon living in the dark There’s nothing to be gained cause I can never change And you can never understand my sickness

Oh, look, Ken is being stubborn and frustrating and self-sabotaging yet again. He legitimately thinks the others will be better off if they leave him alone, and he means that both because if he’s the only one inside the base when it explodes, they’ll survive and because if they keep their distance from him in regards to friendship, he can’t hurt them emotionally. And worst of all, he’s roped Wormmon/Stingmon in on this suicidal atonement thing. *smh*

Ken: I won’t let people suffer anymore because of what I did...no more. ... I want to restore the Digital World with my own hands, but things just keep getting worse. I can’t stand it! Stingmon (to XV-mon): If there’s any way I can atone for the sins I’ve committed... Ken: It doesn’t matter what happens to me! Right now, I have to stop this reactor.

Bonus points for references to angels and hearts, though since this is from Ken’s perspective, Daisuke would be the “angel with a haunted heart.” Not sure that imagery works well, but the rest of it does.

“Die for You” by Starset

Some day when galaxies collide We'll be lost on different skies I will send my rocket ship to find you Because I know you're lost when you run away Into the same black holes and black mistakes Taking all my will just to run alone Until I bring you home

And what’s Daisuke’s reaction to Ken being stubborn and stupid? Bitch-slap him! He fucking needs it. (That’s everyone’s solution in this show, I swear.) And Daisuke isn’t going to let him get away with that shit. He yells and shouts and berates Ken until he finally looks at it from someone else’s perspective:

Daisuke: You idiot! *slap* How can you say that? Daisuke: Think of who would be sad if you were gone. If I let you go now and you never come back, I’ll regret it forever. So I won’t let you go! Daisuke: You may be okay with it, but I’m not. Ken: Motomiya... Daisuke: Live! Daisuke: If you die now, you won’t be able to accomplish anything. I don’t want that. Ken: I don’t want that either. There are still many things I must do. Ken: Besides, I don’t want to make my family sad anymore...

Note: I cut out XV-mon’s lines to Stingmon here because Daisuke’s words are the important part of this conversation, but I separated Daisuke’s lines where XV-mon spoke for clarity.

“Divide” by Bastille

Why would we divide when we could come together? Just bodies that collide, lost and found each other So don't, don't leave me alone Don't leave me alone, don't leave me alone Why would we divide when we could come together?

It’s only after that, after they understand each other on a monumental level, that they are able to Jogress evolve. And boy is that an experience. No other Jogress partners (except maybe Taichi and Yamato) have this intense of an experience with Jogress evolution, none have their bond.

And quite frankly, this song is about as poorly veiled a hint at sex as Jogress evolution is. Just listen to it. You’ll see.

But this song also shows Ken’s hesitation when it comes to Jogress. They work so well together, they’re completely in sync, they understand each other, but he’s definitely not ready to join the team or be Daisuke’s partner.

“Heartlines” by Florence + The Machine

Your heart is the only place that I call home Can I be returned, you can You can, we can

Just keep following The heartlines on your hand

Okay, and last one about the Jogress evolution! This one should be pretty damn obvious too: When Daisuke and Ken have their initial Jogress, one of the most notable things that makes it different from all others’ Jogress experiences is the fact that they can feel/hear each other’s heartbeats.

Soul fucking mates.

“Pieces” by Sum 41

This place is so empty My thoughts are so tempting I don't know how it got so bad Sometimes it's so crazy that nothing can save me But it's the only thing that I have

But when everything is over and Daisuke explains exactly how the experience was for him (“When our Digimon combined, our thoughts and feelings flowed through each of our bodies. Our hearts beating as one…it was an amazing feeling of unity! That’s when I knew we were partners.”), Ken panics and tells him, “I’m qualified to be your partner yet,” and walks away before Daisuke really has the chance to process what happened. Despite Daisuke’s words before they Jogress-evolved, Ken is still determined to redeem himself before allowing himself to join the team.

“Run” by Snow Patrol

Light up, light up As if you have a choice Even if you cannot hear my voice I'll be right beside you, dear

Of course, that would require Daisuke to know how to take no for an answer. Even if Ken isn’t going to listen to him and join the team, he still includes him as much as he can, and he is determined to stick by Ken’s side even if he doesn’t want him there.

And it may look to an outsider like Daisuke isn’t respecting Ken’s wishes, which yeah, that’s technically true. But by this time, Daisuke understands Ken better than anyone, save Wormmon, and while Daisuke may not respect Ken’s wishes, he respects Ken more than Ken respects himself. More than anything, he wants to help Ken, and he will be there for Ken to lean on if he ever needs to.

“Not Today” by Twenty One Pilots

Heard you say, "Not today" Tore the curtains down, windows open now, make a sound Heard your voice, "There's no choice" Tore the curtains down, windows open now, make a noise

I'm, I'm out of my mind, I'm not seeing things right I waste all this time trying to run from you But I'm, I'm out of my mind

To an extent, it is because of Daisuke’s forwardness that Ken keeps running away, as Hikari says on multiple occasions. He keeps trying to run away from Daisuke, from the other Chosen Children, but for some reason (*cough* Daisuke *cough*), it doesn’t seem to stick.

“Arch Drive Goodbye” by Eve 6

Wanna keep you from breakin' Wanna keep you from shakin' Wanna keep you from keepin' You down Wanna keep you from sinkin' Wanna keep you from drinkin' Sometimes Wanna keep you from keepin' You down

Ringing in my head All the things you've said All the things you've done I wish I could compromise But there's only one way to go And I'm going alone I'm going alone

I see this song as a sort of duet. There are sections/lines that would be from Daisuke’s perspective (the first quote, though obviously ignore the line about drinking--they’re eleven) and sections that would be from Ken’s (the second quote). Daisuke wants to help him so badly, but Ken is still so determined not to need help and to go it alone.

“Someone to Save You” by OneRepublic

All right Sit down and spill your heart

Let’s start from the very start 'Cause I can see by your eyes You're wasted Your energy comes and goes You taking your time, you know Nothing can change what happened

Not that Daisuke will listen to that, right? No matter how much Ken insists he can go it alone, Daisuke is always there to be supportive. He’s just as determined to help Ken as Ken is to refuse help. Actually, no, Daisuke is way more determined. He will always, above all else, persevere.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

[ghostmartyr]

SnK 116 Thoughts

tfw all of Yelena’s problems can be solved with murder.

So another chapter, another month of having zero clue how any of this could possibly be fixed. You’ve got Marley, you’ve got Paradis, you’ve got unhappy Eldians on both sides, you’ve got a century of brain washing going without an answer, you’ve...

Ugh.

Let’s just... let’s do this by character, I guess?

Pieck gets first billing as Best Girl.

Wants her father to have a bright future.

Holds Gabi’s hand.

good, pure

Knows Marley’s fucked up.

Knows Zeke’s fucked up.

Does not approve of Falco’s underage drinking.

Probably should have just shot Eren.

Wants happy Eldians.

Trusts her comrades.

Eren.

Make everyone in the world angry.

Especially his friends.

If they aren’t angry enough, try harder.

If anger isn’t an option, despair is good too.

Do punch them in the face once optimal anger achieved.

Do not trust literally anyone.

Do not use Gabi’s name.

ever

her name’s brat now

Do get along with cult.

Do search for brother.

Do lock up all best friends in the world so that in the event of an airstrike they’re all extraordinarily screwed.

Profit.

(Eren, until further plot developments explain what is going on in that head of yours, your plans are stupid.)

Yelena:

“You would all be much happier if you just accepted that the world would be better off without your bloodline and helped out with us eradicating it.”

“Also I have found God and he’s a baseball furry and his little brother.”

Zeke:

Thinks everyone should die.

just everyone

him too

a lot

To which Paradis has responded:

CAPTAIN ELDIA: CIVIL WAR

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?

Further alcoholism can’t make this worse.

“How could we have known that putting all of our eggs in the basket of this woman who keeps shooting bad eggs with her boss who makes a habit of throwing eggs would end badly?”

What I keep coming back to, and keep not having a good answer for, is why in the fuck is this all such a mess? I have made Code Geass and Madoka comments largely in jest, but considering how reckless Eren is being with his public face and international politics, it starts to feel either intentional or careless.

None of his friends are backing him at the moment, barring Jean’s confusion. He’s broken Mikasa’s heart, and Armin and Connie’s trust.

He’s nominally allied with the Yeagerists, but he’s gone to zero effort to be friendly with them. He goes along with Floch’s ticking clock of a schedule, but since leaving his jail cell, he’s been very clear that his only allegiance is to his aim of finding Zeke.

Yelena offers up the rumbling as a way to continue to defend the island before all the Eldians expire, but Eren and Zeke have made the entire world remember the terror of titans. If they ever were willing to forget that one little island, no one is anymore.

Zeke himself believes that the forces of the rest of the world will be at their doorstep soon. Marley’s come first, but the world Yelena describes, where the rumbling deters all further violence against Eldians while their lives slowly end, is a fantasy. There are too many angry voices inside and outside the walls now. One dominant display of force is going to convince the world to leave Paradis alone?

The last time everyone chose to forget Paradis, Paradis came to them and murdered people indiscriminately.

Sure, no more children will be born to become titans.

Eventually.

In the meantime... at absolute best, the Eldians inside the walls go back to being unable to leave the safety of the walls. The titans continue to keep the rest of the world out, and them in.

Only now everyone inside the walls knows that there’s a world outside.

It is much easier to keep people contained when they think they have nowhere to go. Lock all of Paradis back behind their walls, and they’ll eat each other. We already see the Yeagerists. That’s just one group of angry people. With Zeke’s spinal fluid being used to manipulate their entire military, there’s the obvious proof that their government is perfectly fallible.

Paradis has spent years trying to spread out of their box.

The rumbling, at best, crams them back in it until they all die, only opening when every last one of them is gone.

Thanks for being the voice of reason, Jean.

Not to mention that the rumbling itself hinges on the continued consent of the royal line, and a future Founding Titan and royal heir not deciding that this is all stupid and maybe they should use their power a different way. If you keep the Founding Titan and someone of royal blood alive to the end of Eldians, there is always going to be some wiggle room.

All it takes is one Founding Titan touching a royal heir somewhere down the line. Eren and Zeke aren’t unique in their roles. Their work can always be undone.

Yelena’s defense is that certainties can’t be counted on in any country, and it’s true, but she’s so enamored with the possibility of Eren and Zeke’s joint power that she seems to overlook how they won’t be the last holders of that power.

That’s the literal text of the plan.

For Eren and Zeke to not be the last people who can wield this power.

...

Well, you’ll probably be dead before you’re directly confronted with all your plan’s problems, so who cares anyway?

Eldians don’t die out peacefully in this strategy. They will die knowing that their existence is such a blight on the world that the only solution anyone could come up with for peace was to wipe them all out.

“I don’t trust Marley. I want Eldians to be free. But... I trust those... I’ve fought alongside.”

One of my primary complaints about the Marley arc was that the things the protagonists of that arc were fighting for were impossible. They could be good people doing bad things. They could be sympathetic. They could have moments of happiness.

They weren’t ever going to win.

That hasn’t really changed, but I like how Pieck puts it. The people who have been in the trenches with her won’t be so quick to abandon her or their people. It isn’t perfect. It’s still horrific and fucked up and an impossible longshot for Eldians to have any kind of future no matter how this pans out.

But Pieck believes in her friends, while Eren’s tossed his in a dungeon.

Somewhere, in the light of that trust, there can be a path to hope. Maybe.

Fuck Marley, though. The fact that they have the tools and the people to derail an atrocious injustice doesn’t change that they have made themselves into monsters and Eldians their slaves. As antagonists, the Warriors are engaging, but Marley as a greater body continues to just be... wrong.

Yelena’s right to say that the end of titans would free Marley from the chain of violence they’ve been perpetuating, and that is so much more noble than I would care to recognize.

Yes, of course it’s much better if people no longer have the ability to turn other people into slaves and set them loose like rabid dogs on the world.

But if you were going to pick a side of the population in need of elimination, the people who have chosen that path seem far more worthy than the people who are abused in its wake.

(I refuse to talk about Marley without saying Fuck Marley. Fuck Marley.)

Going back to the Eren, what we have is a situation where both of the loudest plans are not good. But Eren’s been content enough to follow along with his brother’s Not Good plan, despite everyone around him having permanent question marks over their head at his intentions.

Zeke’s plan is too destructive for it to go the way Yelena describes. For Zeke, who sees death as a release anyway, that isn’t a concern. For anyone who actually wants Eldians to be okay before they die out, and isn’t blinded by their own fanaticism, it is a concern.

Giving Eren the benefit of the doubt, because someone trying this hard to be a dick probably has some kind of reason, and none of the stated ones make sense, this shouldn’t be a plan that aligns with what he wants.

Unless his plan renders what everyone else does irrelevant. Unless the world seeing him as needlessly aggressive and cruel is more meaningful than being kind to the people he loves most in the world.

Look, I’m sure it’s more complicated than that, but until I stop finding it amusing and a more stable idea than half the other stuff my head’s concocted, Eren’s fucking Zero. Of the Code Geass way.

That happy ending was a fairy tale that shouldn’t have worked, too.

My other theory is that Eren’s going to unmake the world in a way that will permanently destroy him, and he needs his besties to not be near enough to fight him on that.

But all I really know

is that I just want an AU where Paradis rejoins the world as people instead of monsters and find allies and solve Ymir’s Curse without sentencing themselves to death.

And none of these idiots with their dramatics come anywhere close to that. The Survey Corps’ been left crying in a corner while Godzilla shoves them into a locker and kicks over their Lego tower. Godzilla, indeed, appears to be going out of its way to destroy as many Lego towers as possible, so whenever the Survey Corps starts moving, they will absolutely step on a Lego while Godzilla tells them it’s for the greater good.

To be fair, this is probably what happens when a handful of people have enormously powerful plot magic that can put the entire world in danger, and they don’t feel like being diplomatic.

It still leaves me in a permanent state of could you have maybe not? with regards to the choices being made. Because at this point so many horrible choices have been made that it’s pretty obvious that other horrible choices are going to get a full commitment to try to dig out of the grave.

Connie wins for the greatest #mood of the chapter.

In a funny way, we’ve wrapped right around back to the initial premise.

Tiny, powerless humans facing impossible odds.

Only this time, the hero of that story might not be on their side.

Fighting titans never worked for any of Eldia’s enemies. Until technology outside the walls started to advance far enough, no one ever could do anything except fall in the face of titans.

But a tiny band of humans locked away inside the walls looked at all these enemies right outside their gates, and decided that they were no reason to stay inside for the rest of their lives.

They decided, even if it got them all killed, these were obstacles worth fighting.

I can’t object to the story landing back here, but it is exhausting. Everything is in disarray. The possibility of a happy ending isn’t in any of the winning outcomes for any of the presented sides.

Also until canon says otherwise, I’m going to interpret the 104th’s reaction to Armin’s tears as all of them wondering why the fuck Armin’s face does that when he tries to lie.

Jean is not impressed.

Maybe just because you’re not supposed to agree with sterilizing everyone you’ve ever known, but for now I choose to believe that Jean, who last used a knife when trying to make friends out of enemies, really thinks Armin should be better at this.

None of you are good at this.

Try not to get bombed.

And because I’m me and can’t let it go, this chapter continues the trend of Historia’s new status of a plot mcguffin instead of an actual person.

You could literally replace her with that rocking chair and the story told so far this arc would not be impacted.

It’s becoming strange enough that I’m very sure something is going on, because Isayama doesn’t treat his characters like furniture, and more to the point, her entire arc that the anime just butchered is a direct answer to the euthanization crap.

Not addressing that feels like a cop-out. Among the other problems with literally everything the story has said about her role. Something’s clearly up, but that doesn’t make the situation any less aggravating. I mean sure, maybe her showing up would ruin the Drama because she already has her answer to someone trying to destroy her but but but

Lastly, I am glad Mikasa gets speech bubbles. I am also glad that Jean and Connie care for their buddies. And that Armin is so blunt about “he made Mikasa sad so I hit him.” And that Connie’s anger has calmed into Connie’s sadness. Even if I do not care for Connie being sad.

Somehow, you four might just live.

...

Please?

[dndplus]

Getting Started: Making an Adventure, Part 2

*EDIT* - The link to Getting Started: Making an Adventure, Part 1 has been repaired.

We covered part 1 of Making an Adventure here --> (Link Here), and dealt with all the trappings of a single-stage adventure.  This post will cover the ins and outs of a multi-part adventure, and even a multi-part campaign.

As per usual, it’s intended that you’ve read the posts:

Getting Started: Settings

Getting Started: Combat

Getting Started: Making an Adventure, Part 1

This will ensure that nothing said herein goes over your head, and also that you have two very big pieces of making an adventure already figured out.  Those being where is the adventure happening, and what are you killing?

Part 2: Multi-Part Adventures

In Part 1, we learned about Flags and Characters, two of the greater cornerstones for any D&D (or other tabletop game, for that matter) adventure.  After all, pulling your players in, and giving them something to sympathize/empathize/hate is a large part of what elevates any tabletop game from just getting more experience and loot to something more.

For multi-part adventures, we return to an old topic and learn how to string everything together...

     Flags, Part 2

That’s right!  Those events that trigger the adventure’s start in the first place are making a comeback!  What you learned in part 1 was only the beginning.

You see, an adventure doesn’t really end when you get the last room and kill the bad guy.  It does sometimes, even most times, but sometimes the big bad evil guy in the last room is working for someone else.  Sometimes, that bandit taking prisoners is working for a far more nefarious slave trader, or that rogue necromancer is actually part of a cabal that seeks to destabilize a prosperous kingdom for their own nefarious means.  It’s usually nefarious.

So how do we get from ‘just a bandit taking prisoners’ to ‘bandits all over are taking prisoners to fuel an underground slaver’s trade’?  The answer, of course, is Flags.  Flags for this sort of thing need to be more nuanced, though.  They need to reach the players organically, and typically play off of the players’ own tendencies.  Here are a few examples that would propel such a scenario forward:

The Bandit Captain in charge had a note on his/her person which details where to meet when ready to sell their prisoners.

Another group of prisoners at the site overheard something important from one of the bandits before the players rescued them.

Upon reporting the incident the players escaped from to the authorities (the guard, or whoever happens to be in charge of keeping order where they’re at), the players hear word of several similar incidents happening all over the kingdom.

Each one of these flags can push a player to a new adventure on their own, but you don’t always want to do that.  Sometimes, flags connect to other flags, and keep players out of the action a little longer while they work to figure out where all the clues lead.

It’s very important when connecting flags to other flags, however, that you keep you party’s tendencies in mind.  You might enjoy a sprawling tale of intrigue filled with dialogue and sparingly used combat, but D&D is about fun for everyone on both sides of the DM Screen.  If you want lots of story to happen between encounters, look for ways to keep your more combat-oriented players happy by peppering in single encounters or even entire one-offs.

For instance, following the theme of the bandit slavers, let’s say we gave the players the third flag.  They’ve spoken to the guard, but the next clue hasn’t been as forthcoming as they’d hoped.  The guard informs your players that the bandits don’t stay in one place for very long, and that while they’d love to have the help, they just don’t know where to send them.  This results in another flag, one the players didn’t realize they triggered when entering the guard house, through which an associate of a separate criminal element informs them that their boss wishes to speak with them.

At this point, we segway into...

     Characters, Part 2

A criminal is not lawful.  A dedicated officer of the law is not chaotic.  This, however, does not restrict them from being good or evil.  A guardsman can be corrupt, or carrying out the laws of an evil master.  Likewise, a criminal can be Robin Hood-esque, with a heart of gold, and embarrassingly sticky fingers.

When players are pushed to make criminal contacts, it’s important to understand that not every criminal need be their enemy.  This holds especially true when there are bigger fish to fry, and the suave, charismatic fellow who makes a living running illegal gambling dens and peddling less destructive substances (petty drugs, bootleg liquor, etc) is likely to hate a cabal of slavers moving into his territory as much as the guard.

That’s not to say that someone who makes a living being dubious will be forthright about this, though.  We are, after all, looking to keep the players entertained as the story runs its course.  In this way, you as the dungeon master have a new option to keep things fresh and varied: having this seedy, criminal mastermind demand something of the players in exchange for what his own criminal network knows that the guards do not.

Possibilities for this include:

Clearing out a safe house in some out-of-the-way place that has been overrun by dangerous, native creatures (Hi, Critical Role!)

Dealing with yet another, far worse criminal that the players’ new contact would like gone (a murderous mugger, or someone peddling extremely destructive and dangerous drugs perhaps).

Going somewhere on the character’s behalf, such as to an auction they can’t afford to be seen at, and carrying out business in their place (a possible non-combat option, for the rare party that thrives on that sort of thing)

On the other hand, you can keep the party going by taking any one of these things and connecting it to the bandit slavers instead.  Perhaps the safe house is overrun by them, or one of the bandit slavers’ more notorious members is nearby and needs to be dealt with.

Whichever path you choose to take things, it’s important to remember the characters involved.  Our new party contact is still a criminal, and what they’re doing can be a complete flip on what the players perceive.  Who’s to say they’re not working with the bandit slavers from the start, and these jobs are intended to get the players killed?  In the event of this, plant an ambush in the job the players are sent on, one with a flag that fingers their new contact as the dubious mastermind stringing them along, and prepare an additional adventure in which the players get their revenge!

No matter how it happens, your players will return to this new contact.  Whether they find the next flag by rifling through their things after a hard won fight, or have it given to them after finding their new contact to have the heart-of-gold they hope, they’ll feel a sense of accomplishment over completing that leg of this multi-part adventure.

     Characters, Part 2a - Villains

At this point, assuming your multi-part adventure isn’t a campaign in and of itself, your players will probably have a name, and maybe even a face, to attach to their enemy.

It’s at this point you need to understand your own villain, and their motives, to keep the way they fight the players in line with their beliefs.  Here are a few examples of ‘general archetypes’ you can apply to the ultimate ‘Slave Lord’ your players will end up encountering:

A garden-variety sociopath, uncaring for the emotions and plights of others, and arrogant enough to believe no one is capable of stopping them.  This character is cruel, and oftentimes oblivious to it, and carries with them a colder, joyless demeanor that might unnerve others.  They’re also intelligent, but suffer for their overconfidence.  A character of this sort will attack other characters the player know, possibly even using them as hostages, but may be too confident to consider the failures of their plans and how they might trace back to them, or think to have a Plan B for their own safety.

A born and raised criminal, seeking great wealth to rise above their status as a powerful name in the underworld and potentially seize power in a far more meaningful way.  This character is smart, ambitious, and aware of their own faults.  Their lack of sadism and sense of purpose will have them shy away from the more brutal tactics of the sociopath, but will make them more difficult to track down or catch.

A literal demon.  Yes, that’s right, a demon.  Some crimes are worse than others, and fiends, such as demons or devils, enjoy the prospect of corrupting others.  How better to corrupt than to not just subjugate people, but to aid others in subjugation as well?  The fiend is not like the other options because it is not human, and while its lack of empathy might seem similar to the sociopath, a fiend can be far more theatrical in nature.  Where the sociopath if cold, a fiend can be downright jolly as they act out their sadistic desires.  A fiend might also command other fiends, and the appearance of any fiend itself can be a major flag to send the players scrambling for answers.

The corrupt noble.  Oh yes, nothing quite sums up a villain like someone already in power abusing their station as a means to gain even more wealth and power.  This character might seem cruel and uncaring, but their inner monster is typically more nuanced than that.  An instilled belief that the lower classes are not to be thought of as people, while horrible, typically means the corrupt noble thrives on a sense of superiority, and accepts other nobles as worthy of their time.  As an addition to the corrupt noble’s tendency to abuse power, it is very likely that they have corrupt guards working for them as well.  When using corrupt guards, remember that they can rope in legitimate guards as well, and try to remind your players that not everyone they kill might deserve it.

     Wrapping it up

Yes, yes, it’s time to end it.  Your players have followed the bread crumbs, met an interest cast of characters along the way, and finally cornered the mastermind of whatever evil scheme they worked to stop.

What now?  Well, you know your villain.  Make their last words quick, as any monologuing is almost guaranteed to be interrupted by a player looking to get a cheap shot in.  

You know the characters involved in your over-arching story of your multi-part adventure (or maybe even campaign, if it spanned enough time).  When the fighting is done, and assuming the villain hasn’t come out on top and ended your party’s adventuring for good, you’ll want to think about how these characters react, and how they might get in touch with the players to offer congratulations or thanks.

That aside, you know how to build a combat encounter, and at this point, you probably know the party’s capabilities well enough to make it just a little more difficult than the other tough ones they’ve had so far.  If the adventure they went on tied in to the greater theme of their setting, perhaps it can them an audience with someone important (a powerful lord, or even a king) as a result.  Whatever the reward you give them, recognize the time it took for them to achieve their hard-fought win, and make sure it’s at least a little better than the usual.  If you’re worried about giving them too much, something special, like a favor from someone powerful or a grant of land to do with as they please might also suffice.

And yes, when the ultimate villain of the adventure is dead, you can add yet another flag to an even greater threat.  I suggest taking the players to a new region if you do this, though, as a change of scenery (and local problems) goes a long way towards keeping things fresh.

     In Conclusion

This is it.  At this point, with a setting, an understanding of how to build combat encounters, and the know-how to make your own adventures, you have all the bare bones tools to run your own game of D&D.

You’re probably going to make mistakes, whether it be in your own performance or some of the decisions you make (the most common one probably being to give your players too much loot/gold).  That’s fine, so long as everyone is having fun.

That is, after all, all that really matters: having fun.  If you’re doing it, and your players are doing it, then you’re doing it right.  Realize this as you do things, and understand the players are driving the ship.  This will destroy your hard work on occasion, but that comes with the territory.  If your players are ever abusive or uncaring of the hard work you put into organizing the game, don’t be afraid to walk away!  You are not there for their enjoyment, and they are not their for your enjoyment.  You’re all there for each others enjoyment, to hang out and have a good time with a bit more theatrics and dice rolls than usual.  

Thank you for reading along here at D&D&EE, and stay tuned for additional posts on the finer points of things like Loot, Legendary Actions, and how to keep a sprawling campaign interesting.

[shadowsingingsassenach]

Queen of Air and Darkness -book review

Queen of Air and Darkness is the 3rd and final installment of The Dark Artifices, written by Cassandra Clare. 

I have been a fan of Cassandra Clare’s book for a very long time. The Mortal Instruments is what really kick-started my love of reading. I had picked up City of Bones randomly at walmart one day, just to give me something to read on the plane ride to Colorado, and then next thing I know, I’m chomping at the bit for the next book. 

Of her 3 current series in the Shadowhunter world, however, I find the Dark Artifices my least favorite. It took me a long time to get the motivation to actually finish Lord of Shadows. Queen of Air and Darkness only took me about 3 weeks, thanks to college finals and the joys of being a 3rd year college student with professors thinking my life revolves around their classes. 

Anyway, the pros about Queen of Air and Darkness:

One of the best things about all of Cassandra’s books are the witty characters, the diversity, and the important lessons mentioned throughout the book. 

At the end of Lord of Shadows, Livvy dies. Queen of Air and Darkness spends a lot of time exploring how different people deal with grief, and how losing someone can affect a person’s behavior. The 4 it really focused on was Ty, Kit, Dru, and Julian. All 4 had a very different way of dealing with the grief, from the unhealthy ways (Julian and Ty) to the ways that can be seen as more healthy (Kit and Dru). Having lost someone very close to me and experiencing people’s different reactions myself, I could really appreciate seeing that not everyone just pushes through it like nothing happened and that not everyone grieves openly, and, one of the many lessons shown in the book, grief is an important emotion to feel and a vital part of life, because life without grief is a life without joy.

Cassandra also hits all the points with diversity. We have the Friendly Neighborhood Lesbians (Helen and Aline), the Local Transgender (Diana), the Fabulous Gays (Magnus and Alec, Kit and Ty?), the Precious Polygamous (Mark, Christina, Kieran), characters from all over the world and various races and species, in mixed relationships and there’s too many to list them all. But no one is left out. She explores how characters may struggle to reveal these parts of themselves to other, the insecurity and unsureness of knowing whether or not they’ll still be accepted. Being straight myself, I can’t say I understand exactly how it feels for someone to come out to their parents/friends/loved ones. But this book, I feel, gives a pretty good idea of how difficult it is for people to come out, and how much better they feel afterwards. 

One thing that is consistent with all Cassandra’s books important lessons that are mentioned throughout, whether it’s directly said or hinted at and shown in various ways. A lot of said lessons are about acceptance, loving each other, learning to trust each other, and giving mercy to those who have done wrong. In today's world, this is pretty important. It’s not like it once was, where someone does something wrong, you duel them, and then move on with your life (ah, the good ole days). 

The ending of the book was probably my favorite. Not because it was ending, but because a lot of things were wrapped up nicely. The short story involving Jace and Clary was beautiful, Alec and Magnus literally just need to be mentioned anywhere and it’s beautiful, and (SPOILER) we finally get to stop listening to Julian and Emma complain about not being able to be romantically involved. While a lot of issues were tied up, some new ones also came up, which will lead into the next set of books. 

Plot wise, the book was kind of 5/10. Some things seemed really rushed and unimportant to me, while others were amazingly written out and thought out. It seemed to jump around a little in my opinion. 

The cons of the book are mostly my opinions, and you can agree or agree to disagree. There were 2 huge cons about it that I really didn’t like: romance and politics. 

We’ll start with the romance. While I like my fairshare of fluff and romance in books, it was really getting tiring with this one. There was too much time spent on the characters worrying about their love lives, as if there was nothing more important to worry about. All the main characters, besides Kit, Ty, and Dru (so the children, basically) were maybe focused 45% on the actually issues, and 55% on their love lives. And it was just the type of romance where they would give their lives for each other, or just enjoy sitting together in silence. It was constantly as if they wanted to have sex. There was no simply kissing, unless it was rushed, it was all heavy make-out sessions. I actually skipped a lot of the scenes because it was just too boring. I’ve read my fair share of books involving heavy romance and risky scenes (Outlander, Game of Thrones, Dark Hunters series...) and the big difference being that those are adult series, and not as romance-based as it seemed this one was. Sex happens in those three, often, but it isn’t as fleshed out every time like it seemed it was in QoAaD. The book would have been significantly shorter, were it not for all the drama about the characters love lives. 

Politics. I am a firm believer in that everyone has the right to their own political opinion, but also a very firm believer than politics needs to be kept out of entertainment. You can very, very clearly tell where Cassandra Clare’s political views lie, and while she is obviously entitled to have whatever views she wants, it’s just so obnoxiously obvious in her book that it’s almost hard to take it seriously. If you’re going to show your view on modern politics in your writing, it should be done fairly, showing the good and bad of both sides. This book only shows the bad of the opposing political party. She uses the media’s favorite word several times, which, as it has in the media, just makes the word less meaningful. 

Please, do not be a sheep. Do not be the person who reads their favorite author or celebrity’s political opinion and take it as you own. Do your own research on BOTH sides, look at websites that AREN’T biased and have RELIABLE sources. Politics is a very important part of our lives, but we need step back from trusting the media, facebook, and crazy people for all our info, and look for it ourselves. THAT is how this country will become united again. -There’s you life lesson from me. You’re welcome. 

So in the end, I give this book a 5/10. Those two major cons just really hurt the plot, the integrity, and the entertainment factors of the story for me. I am a little disappointed by it, because Mortal Instruments and Infernal Devices were perfect and I love them so much.

I will be reading her future books, of course, and I have a lot of hope for them. With some luck, they will be a little less political and more structured plot wise. 3 disappointing books out of 14, I can still say she’s one of my favorite authors and I hope to read more great books of hers in the future. 

[saferincages]

one of my favorite things about the narrative arc of CXG so far is the constant re-examination of that very first action in the premise - that is, Rebecca’s move to West Covina. Rebecca was suffering in New York. She was floundering. Sure, she had a prestigious job, but it wasn’t fulfilling her, and she (from what we’ve seen) had no worthwhile personal connections. When she sees Josh on the street, he mentions happiness, and she’s enraptured by the idea of that. She transfers that idealization onto Josh, but it’s not ABOUT him, “it never was” (so her line in the first theme song, “But that’s not why I’m here!” turned out to be unexpectedly true). 

In “I’m Going to the Beach with Josh and His Friends!” on the party bus, an explanation is demanded of her, and though she skirts the issue about following Josh, what she admits to is actually completely honest: “The truth is, I was miserable in New York. I was so depressed. And all I did was work. I had no life. The world was just, like, gray. And then I ran into you, Josh. And, and you told me about West Covina, and you kept using the word "happy." And I hadn't, like, thought about that word in so long and it just, like, reverberated within me. And so that day, I-I made the decision that I...I had to be where the happiness was. So I put feelers out and I got a job here. Look, was it impulsive? Yes. Was it crazy? I don't like that term. But the point is, guys, it's the best decision I've ever made. I love it here. I love it. I love the sunshine. I love the strip malls where you can get a foot massage and a smoothie and a new key made in, like, less than 20 minutes. I love driving on the freeway. I love what the dry heat does to my hair. I love everything about this place, okay? So the reason that I'm here, the real reason that I'm here? It's not logical, it's not rational. I'm in love. With West Covina." Absolutely nothing in that monologue was a lie. Her confession of being in love with Josh later, when Paula picks her up, is still rooted in this same idea - he’s kind and understanding towards her, he’s proud that she sees the treasures of that place (“can’t believe that a girl like you would think this place is a dream come true”), and she latches onto that emotion (as he does to her “being swayed by a guy like me,” both of them really idealize the attention and feeling they offer to one another, but that’s another post). Her life was changing in positive ways, and, incredibly, she was affecting many of the people around her in definitive, and often positive, ways as well. (There are probably more examples than this, but off the top of my head: in 1x15: Darryl: “Rebecca made me wake up. You know, if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have changed my life.” Josh: “She helped me believe in myself for the first time, like...ever.” Paula: “She helped me with my marriage. She was like a surrogate daughter.” in 2x04, when Greg has begun to deal with his alcoholism and finally makes the necessary decision to go to Emory: “Though I won't forget, I won't regret, this beautiful, heart-stopping, breathtaking, life-changing...” Nathaniel in 3x05: “...challenging my world-view and warming my heart.” Valencia in 3x06: “I have never had a friend like you before.”) 

They've all been making realizations, waking up, embracing a certain authenticity in their identities and lives, changing aspects of themselves that needed to be addressed. There’s not a single character who hasn’t been influenced by her presence, and while she did a lot of reckless, hurtful things (and Josh is going to be the one who has to really sift through that now, I think, and he deserves the space to do that, they both harmed each other. while Rebecca begins to recover, I have faith that they’ll acknowledge Josh’s response to that abuse as well, but that’s also probably another post, I have too many feelings, guys), there’s a lot of good to be found there, too. The narrative never condones her negative actions, but it doesn’t demonize her, either, and keeping her empathetic and deserving of love and care is such an important perspective. These characters are all very multi-faceted, and with that humanity comes flaws (none of us are perfect or above reproach), but they all also have relatability and wonderful qualities and potential for improvement, and I appreciate the fact that making mistakes or needing help or being ill doesn’t mean someone isn’t worthwhile and capable of good.

Her relationship with Josh unraveling was inevitable, because that illusion of passion and happiness being wrapped up in one person is bound to fall apart, and as painful as her downward spiral was to witness, it also reinforced the importance of the life she’s established. When she attempted suicide previously, her mother characterized it as “inconveniencing a lot of people.” When she apologized using that exact same wording to Paula, Paula assured her that wasn’t how anyone felt. She’s surrounded by friends now, people who genuinely care for and encourage her, show concern for her, a support system that isn’t going to abandon her. She never had that before. She has women who will sleep on the floor outside her bedroom through the night because they want to know she’s safe. She has a friend who will drive through the desert (without sunscreen) to see her. She has people who wish her well and a sense of happiness (something even her mother never instilled in her - being a “survivor” can be valuable, too, when Naomi says she wants her to survive, she means it and probably even thinks that’s for the best, that it’s strength, but if surviving for Rebecca meant being numb or despondent, what kind of survival was it, really?). She has people who don’t walk away, even when they know the darkest of her truths. She has therapists who want to take time to actively help her as she works things through, who listened and diagnosed her properly. Had she hit rock bottom again in NY, had she hurt herself there, she would’ve had to face it alone, and trying to face treatment like that, all alone, is terrifying. She knew something was wrong, but she was facing it without support (“and when I tried to find a reason for my sadness and terror, all the solutions were trial and error - take this pill, say this chant, move here for this guy”), and now she has a place (“the stigma is worth it if I’ve realized who I’m meant to be, armed with my diagnosis”). More importantly, perhaps, than happiness (which is always kind of an intangible, mutable thing), she finally has hope.

Recovery doesn’t mean a cure, nor does hope negate difficulty. She will struggle and there will be hard times, that’s an unavoidable part of the process, frankly it’s an unavoidable part of being alive, especially with a chronic condition (be it mental or physical, and the writers showing the fear in that along with the work it takes to cope and move forward with it is very meaningful, this representation matters, and I’m so moved and proud of the way they’ve crafted it).

But that initial statement, which at the time was cloaked in denial, is now even more fundamental - the situation’s a lot more nuanced than that, and the best decision she made was moving to West Covina and discovering love, not with a boy, but with the unexpected found family around her, and maybe through that journey, with necessary steps, she can find a way to understand and begin to embrace herself. That’s the real love story we’re witnessing.

[paganchristian]

Here are the two clovers that I found back whenever, several years ago.  I realized in this picture it’s a little hard to see the fourth leaf on one of them, but oh well.  I saved this one in my draft folder and I like it because of the imagery, in which one clover overlaps the light switch, and the other one overlays the door.  It makes me think, continuing on the whole idea of omens and good luck and beliefs, which have an ability to create good luck,... It brings me a few thoughts on those things.  

Ok first of all let me also say that I don’t actually think that clovers are lucky, but you know, it’s just for fun, and as for what charms I think are lucky, well, I think that they are something imbued with spiritual or psychic energy, so it’s not so much the object but the message it gives or the person who give it to you or the message God is trying to lead you to, or the path that the symbol represents, that you are being led towards, be it a spiritual path or maybe just some other blessed path for you.  In itself, I’m not a believer in a good luck charm that just has inherent worth as an object with some mystical power.  Not that I say it can’t ever be, because I’m not totally sure.  The world is mysterious.  But I have experienced the luck of things that have real spiritual value because they are good messages from beyond, from higher, from God, I think.  Then again I think that sometimes they can mislead, and be bad omens. False signs and wonders.  I have experienced things of this nature too, that I thought were good until gradually, subtly it was revealed to me to be harmful.  Enough good that I thought it was only good, but a subtle yet powerful bad effect was worse, though unseen.  

Anyway, I think that even among good beliefs, sometimes they can be good only situationally.  Just like a good, strong, solid, consistent, simple and clear story, it is good if it works for you, but it seems to me like not only does it have to be a simple, clear, strong basic story.  It even has to be predictable, relatable, not too far outside what you are used to doing and feeling and thinking.  Ask people to reach too far outside themselves and they will overlook the message.  It goes back again to how children’s stories and folktales and fairytales can often contain what cultural sophisticated, high art, religious, and philosophical type stories omit,...  

It’s as if there is something that more modernized mindsets lose touch with and children and people who have been less modernized are more likely to see these things, even when they have to veil the messages in hints, symbols and characters very indirectly, animals and fools and such that are silly enough to just laugh at, not too close for comfort, not too similar to the real problems they are hinting at or the deep truths many would laugh or deny or hide because it gets too real, too radical, too challenging, too brave, too good, for the mediocrity of average existence to accept or embrace, too hard, too fine a line to balance.   

It seems that people have to oversimplify and they have to consolidate power in a few official people in power, within modernized, simplified, streamlined, organized, complex cultures and societies.  Complexity and organization ends up helping in some ways and cutting corners and fitting us into a box that fits the overall system in other ways. I think that people in general want someone to help make life simpler, and in that process they seek the authority figures, the ones in power to simplify it all down to something they can say is the answer, the final answer, and if they have an authority who makes it all simple and lines it all out that relieves the uncertainty.  This particular facet isn’t just for modernized societies.  We have always been trying to appease the gods who have certain rules, in all cultures, through time, and we make rules and superstitions we are supposed to follow in order to seek the peace and harmony safe from the chaos that life rains down on us.  

Anyway, there often is a certain order, sequence, hierarchy and so on in all these rules and rhythms and practices too, oftentimes.  It’s the problem I have now.  They say, do one thing before you can do another, but sometimes, maybe too often, I think, the order is arbitrary and false, harmful.  

But anyway, people want an order to follow step by step, but I can see now its wrong for me,...  Right now, in my case, I am dealing with this in my life with some of the religious beliefs in the path I’m considering.  Again and again they say you have to do this before you do that, and I just cannot for my sanity.  

So I can see these orders and sequences are sometimes just once more a problem of artificial, arbitrary order, to relieve the huge uncertainty and fear and sadness and pain and guilt because of all the mistakes we make when we are left to our own devices so we seek this outer authority to tell us exactly how, when, where, what and in what order we must do things, but sometimes they get the details wrong.  But if we feel secure in our system we can feel like we are safe when we follow the proscribed plan and judge those who don’t and advise them and appease our conscience when others fail- it must be just a lesson from God for not following some rule, seen or unseen.  But since there is so much we can’t know about others’ inner lives we can’t really truly judge (they say), but still many people do judge and you can see in how they act, many signs give it away that many do judge.  It’s hard to have so complex a system of rules which are supposed to give all kinds of rewards, when followed well enough, eventually,... It’s hard to have such a set of rules without judging those who don't’ follow or who seem to endlessly suffer too badly.  Then logic seems to suggest maybe they are not following the rules well enough and judgment follows. 

Anyway though, the light switch, the door, in the picture, makes me think of things.  Signs and beliefs can turn on the light, to a new idea, like a lightbulb, wake us up, make us pay attention, focus, remember the idea, try to do something instead of just thinking about it, take it more seriously.  Then there is the door, the door to the actual new path, the new place, the new experience.  Sometimes signs or beliefs just make the light come on, and sometimes they actually open the door to a new way.  Some ideas do one thing, and other ideas do the other thing, some are lights, some are doors, some can be both or either.  But a light doesn’t have to be perfect, it can be dimly lit, it can be a lamp that has a shape, a color, a form, that seems to be one way, but it shows us something else, when we see with the light that emits from the lamp.  The door, the actual path, too, can lead from one path to another.  But it’s more important for the door to lead at least in the general direction.  Lights can be suggestions, possibilities, sparks of thought that lead from one to another to another idea.  But real world action is more challenging and engaging, effortful and slow, oftentimes, and so that is when we really must be going the right way at least a little bit.  

Or, maybe sometimes not, I guess, it depends.  Because thoughts aren’t so free, so easy, a light that lights the way by making us think and figure it out and explore... Yes on the one hand thoughts can speed much more rapidly than real life actions can plod forward, but for the same reason they can delude us.  Sometimes we will avoid nonsense by thinking so much and questioning and contemplating before diving into the action of life.  Sometimes by using our minds and hearts, we can reach God and love and goodness and meaning without ever taking much “real world action”, and then the energy of our hearts and prayers reaches others even if we never leave our home.  So many spiritual paths say, this path I’m considering, and Buddhist and Hindu, among other paths I’ve heard of.  But thoughts can be very dangerous, quickly leading us blindly astray when we thought we were going somewhere good,...  Keeping us trapped years on end, or decades, spinning in chaos.  As I know, living through this for many horrible years of my life.  Thoughts definitely can get us so lost, entangled, running faster and faster, unable to rest, restless, anxious, sad, confused, deluded.  So there’s no rule I guess.  Thoughts have to be at least somewhat good too or they’ll lead you way off track.  You can’t always see for your own self what is good, true, makes sense, even if you’re smart, raised with good values, good enough, pretty good values (good as average, or I think in many ways much better than average, the values I was raised with).  I should know because I was so lost that way in my mind.  I think my desire to be a good person (figure out how and just what that really means in a world where so many opposing ideas of what is right and good and what is not and my own personality and physical and mental health problems were not at all fitting in with what almost anyone accepted to be “good”), all that made me lost, truly.  And my desire to seek God and my deep thinking wrapped me even more in confusion than a simpler person who doesn’t try as hard to be as good, to reach as high, to find God, to make sense of the mysteries of the universe.  Someone like my husband, as he was after he abandoned his spiritual interests, he was thenafter happy to abuse others (me), content in a simple life, apparently happy for all the world to see, strong and well he has been and continues to be.

And sometimes real action when misguided still teaches us very well what to do instead, in clear obvious ways.  Sometimes real action is learning what mere ideas cannot teach.  Sometimes real life is down to earth and full of observable, experienced facts that keep you in the realm of safety and goodness.  And real actions can often include meaningful, human interactions that keep you in the fabric of life and what really matters.  But other times even real experiences and interactions just seems meaningless, forgettable, trivial and numbing, a rushing around, an artificial appearance and the praise and admiration of others, all for nothing, or their scorn, and advice, but again, misguiding, all for nothing.  I don’t know.  

More roundabout thoughts, circular but I feel they’re leading somewhere that matters, to help me sort out why religion keeps tangling me up rather than resolving into clarity, oftentimes.