#and don't get me started on the trauma chapter afterwards

[muzarry]

Scion and Champion

Champion and Scion

[cielelyse]

Favourite 5 Saezuru Scenes

I recently reread Saezuru for the umpteenth time and just needed to gush about it like a crazed person who constantly hallucinates about Yashiro being happy and soOooOOooo.................

1. Why now? (Chapter 25)

These 3 panels kill me always... although it's the entire chapter 25 actually, and not just these panels. This broke me when I first read it nearly a decade ago, and it breaks me every time I reread it. I recently just listened to the drama CD for the first time and wanted to hear how this scene played out (a.k.a. wanted to hear Yashiro moan wkegh;ghwle) and I did not expect to start bawling and sobbing uncontrollably when his flashback appeared. WITH THE MUSIC AND EVERYTHING. THEY DID NOT SPARE ME. FUCK. What was supposed to be a tender and gentle and loving and intimate scene between them turned into Yashiro facing the effects of his childhood trauma -- that will never cease to hurt me. Doumeki saying "kashira, kashira, kirei" right before that broke me in a way reading that scene in English couldn't. I WILL NEVER GET OVER THIS and if I keep writing about it I'm gonna cry again so:

2. Car ride back from Kageyama's clinic (Chapter 4)

This is mostly for nostalgic reasons, really. I first read Saezuru in 2013, and I wasn't used to Yashiro at first. I didn't know what to make of him.

So what happened was that I read "Don't Stay Gold" first and was like... there's a manga about this mildly threatening and unreadable yakuza dude who's Kage's friend…? Who played cupid for him in a weird way? HMMMMM dubious, dubious. Would I even like him? It took me a while, but I finally gave Saezuru a shot anyway, and I remember feeling uncertain about Yashiro up until those panels. I remember it so starkly, because this was the instant I fell in love with him. I think it was because this was the first time I understood the depth of his loneliness (since I hadn't read his high school oneshot yet at this point).

There's just something about how Yoneda Kou-sensei draws these kinds of pages that just resonates with me so well. I CAN'T EVEN DESCRIBE IT. It just connects with me the way Yashiro connects with me, and that was pretty much it for me. Obsession sealed. Life signed away. For the next 10 years I would follow the story closely and routinely check every few months for updates. Yashiro became one of my only 3 comfort characters, and rereading Saezuru always gives me a catharsis and sense of peace that I didn't know how to find elsewhere.

3. "To go on living this strained existence... no longer holds any meaning to me." (Chapter 34)

This scene is one that I come back to every time I'm down. AM I A MASOCHIST? I really like the June translation too: "To go on living this strained existence no longer holds any meaning to me." I think the way the panels divided up those thoughts were brilliant!

This especially hurt me because for the entire manga up to this point, Yashiro has stated that he completely accepts himself and he's happy with who he is. It wasn't until his realization during the sex scene with Doumeki and how much he's said/done hurtful things to Doumeki afterwards -- who he considers pure and sweet and good -- that he thinks this.

4. "Falling in love feels like this" (Chapter 33)

The first time I read this, I had to set my PC down, go out to my apartment balcony, and just silently stare out into the night and resist the urge to smoke (that was half a joke) (I did feel a pang in my chest though) (and I did have to fight very hard not to smoke lwkehg;hge). I love the dialogue right after these panels too, when Yashiro said, "Your sister was lucky that you were there." That, along with Doumeki's reaction, hurt.

This was such an intimate scene between them. Yashiro was so vulnerable. So was Doumeki. I hadn't realized this until I reread Saezuru this year, but these two have always had such intimate scenes right from the start. It was a slow burn, yes, but they had always been instantly drawn to each other: Doumeki thinking Yashiro was beautiful and captivating, and Yashiro doing something he doesn't normally do with his subordinates the first time he met Doumeki. And it didn't clue in for me back in 2013, but their conversations with each other were much more intimate than the conversations they'd have with anyone else, right from chapter 1. I find that so precious.

5. Dream (Chapter 40)

I couldn't not include a scene from post-timeskip, BECAUSE I LOVE POST-TIMESKIP. I love Darkmeki and I love Yashiro and I love that the theme of post-timeskip centers around "change". Wish I could include that conversation Yashiro had with Tsunakawa about it, because I thought that drive-home was brilliant. I really appreciate that Yoneda Kou didn't have Yashiro and Doumeki get together right away after they have sex, and I really appreciate that the question was raised of: Do people change? Can people change on their own, or would you have to force them? Or are we always the same at our core? And I think the answer is of course a mixture of all of it, and that it's very much circumstantial and subjective, but I love how we're able to see the shifts in both Yashiro and Doumeki. How both men aren't quite the same people we knew pre-timeskip. Ten years ago I didn't think I would meet a version of Yashiro that wouldn't talk about sex 24/7, but here we are.

(Not to say that they're completely different now. They're still our Yashiro and Doumeki of course; I just wanted to gush about how well Yoneda Kou were able to flesh out her characters in such a complex, multidimensional way.)

ANYWAYS, I went on a rant without even mentioning these panels of Yashiro's dream. I love everything about it: Doumeki's face not showing, Yashiro running away and turning back to see Doumeki not there anymore, and that last panel of him standing in the middle of nowhere, lost and empty and lonely -- all of that was so incredibly told in pages of no words. UGH YONEDA KOU IS A GENIUS. It reminds me of that page of Yashiro looking at a mother and child in the rain; it's one of my favourite scenes too.

Honourary Mention (Chapter 4):

I should end with a more light-hearted one. THIS WAS CUTEEEE. I remember reading this for the first time and thinking Yashiro was just salty that his roleplay got ruined. But upon second reread (and maybe I'm delusional here), I thought he might've been happy to hear Doumeki say that.

We know Yashiro gets angry and irritated whenever he's happy to hear something sweet from Doumeki (like that extra when they ate together LOL), and that he had the same reaction of kicking the chair when Doumeki said he can't touch Yashiro's hair anymore. Which was cute to say. So I thought Yashiro might've lashed out in annoyance because he was glad that Doumeki doesn't mind. (I tried putting myself in Yashiro's shoes so many times trying to imagine how I would feel if Doumeki had said this............. and somehow came up with "happy" xD)

...........or maybe this was obvious to everyone and I've just been clueless. AAAAAAAA THIS IS WHY I LOVE ABOUT SAEZURU SO MUCH. It never spoon-feeds you information and lets its readers interpret :")

[thelittleliars]

Divorce Party

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Warnings: mention of divorce, fluff?

Words: 1.4K

Summary: Your ex wife Natasha attends your most recent party as you just got freshly divorced from Carol.

AN: I can't seem to find an ending for Chapter 3 (P.S. I Want You) so it might take even longer than expected but it'll be one hell of a long chapter. I also have like 2-3 one shots almost ready to post!

"I don't get why you're throwing me a divorce party. Carol and I separated on good terms." You shouted it over the music to your best friend Kate, who planned this party with the help of Yelena your other close friend. She was also the sister of your first ex-wife Natasha Romanoff. The two of you married young, it felt right at that time but you both slowly saw that it was a mistake to get married so fast and young. Though non of you actually regretted the marriage. 

Kate scoffed. "We don't celebrate your separation Y/N. We're celebrating the start of your new beginning!" You still heard her cheerful voice over the loudish happy pop song that was currently playing. All of this made you wanna fleet fast, the good mood of the others wasn't something you needed right there, all you wanted to do was lay in bed and come up with an answer to why you couldn't ever keep a girl. 

Your latest marriage with Carol Danvers aka Captain Marvel was something so unexpected. You met her first after Thanos' snap and hit it off right off the bat. At the start she often times came back to earth, visiting you as much as she could before you decided to join her adventures through the galaxy. The two of you dated for a long while before marriage even came up but once it did came up you two eloped. But soon afterwards you missed the earth and the people on the planet. So Carol and you tried long distance again with you visiting her in the galaxy a bunch of times. At one point after undoing the snap, both of you realized that just didn't work anymore. 

Your second marriage was bad timing, but you believe that there had to be more than just that. Sharon was an amazing lover, sadly her good heart that you loved most about her got her in trouble. She helped Captain America during the Civil War which made her a fugitive. Your wife was a wanted criminal, you didn't mind since you knew her honest and innocent intention of helping an Avenger but she had to hide for an unknown period of time. As time went by, growing apart naturally happened.

And there was your first marriage, your first true love Natasha Romanoff. It all started off as a cover for her to be in the country. Marrying such a goddess was not something you wanted to decline. You soon fell in love with her but she didn't, especially not with the amount of trauma she had but you didn't care. The patience and understanding you had gave her time to adjust and heal. She fell for you too and it was a bliss. Your marriage was far from perfect with you both being so young and naive and making mistake after mistake but it wasn't toxic nor did you guys made each other feel anything but loved. Reality hit hard soon and you both struggled with the weight of the world and the relationship on your shoulders. 

Why couldn't you ever keep a girl tied to you? Why was the timing always wrong? What did the universe had against you loving women? 

The misery had to be written over your face since Kate suddenly jumped up and down, trying to get you in a good mood. "Oh c'mon! Celebrating new beginnings is not bad." She was right but it still didn't help you and your failed marriages. And as if things aren't bad enough already,  Natasha appeared next to you right when 'Hips Don't Lie' by Shakira started playing. It was your and Nat's song. She recognized the song immediately and raised her eyebrow at you. "The universe has it out for you today huh?" 

You groaned, not sure if the noise covered it up. "It's all Kate's fault!" She jokingly put a hand over her heart. "First of all, RUDE. Secondly, blame it on the universe and not me. Thank you very much." Natasha giggled at your interaction. "I'm glad it's Kate's fault! I haven't seen you once in the last 5 years." That made you stop in your track. You took a long look at her from top to bottom. She was as beautiful as she had always been but she got more stunning and hot. You saw the wrinkles under the eyes from the heaviness of the snap, you knew what she sacrificed on earth since you were always near Carol when their virtual updates happened. You always felt guilty for not being able to help the ex-assassin back on earth but she also always assured Carol that she did not need more help down here.

The redness of her hair was now back again. The last time you saw her it was with short blonde hair so you did not waste a minute to tease her about it. "Finally back to red? Sick of the blonde?" She put her hand to her hair and with one swift motion the bun was undone and you could see the blonde ends of her hair. "I couldn't decide so I let my hair grow out. Now I have the best of both worlds!"

You gave her a honest smile. "Looks great on you! Though I prefer short hair on you." Natasha didn't know how to come up with proper words so she smiled back at you. Her eyes were intensely on your face, trying to memorize every little new detail she either forgot or missed over the years. Then her stare moved down towards your chest that was exposed in the black top you decided to wear. Though you guys never had sex, with the amount of time Natasha stared at your boobs she knew for sure they got bigger. Hell your whole body had changed over the span of 15 years and she didn't mind it one bit. It was the opposite instead, it intrigued her even more. The thought of exploring your body gave her a huge surge of desire. When she looked back into your eyes you saw the lust in her forest green eyes. Her gaze got you all flustered but also aroused. "Nat, stop it." She knew exactly how her gaze affected you but she didn't stop, plus in addition all she did was having that shit eating teasing grin on her face that got your heart going faster. "Has anyone told you how attractive you are?" She whispered in your ear as if it were a secret.  For you, it seemed like it was another attempt to get you all hot and bothered and it worked. Her raspy voice with her warm breath gave you shivers before your whole body heated up and you couldn't stop wondering what it'd be like to have her whisper more dirty words to you. "Fuck." You said as you bit onto your bottom lip. 

Before anything could go further, Natasha's sister appeared and interrupted you with no shame in the world. "If that isn't my ex sister in law Y/N -" She stopped herself since she did not know with which last name she should address you. "Which last name do you prefer now?" The redhead groaned at her sister's attempt of cockblocking her. You gave Nat a little nudge as a sign for her to behave. "Y/L/N. I don't think I'll ever marry again. Marriage is just not for me." 

"That's a shame. I really thought you'd be up to marry Natasha a second time so that we could be a family once again. I miss those times." You gave the younger sister a sad smile. "Sorry to crush your dreams. Though after the divorce, I never saw you any less of family. That is still holding up our promise to be sisters forever." 

"Sometimes labels doesn't need to have the legal aspect in order for it to be true." Natasha told her younger sister.

"This is getting too sappy for me. I'm gonna go find Kate Bishop." And with that the blonde sibling left. Nat and you look shocked around, only realizing now that the archer wasn't around anymore. When did Kate leave you two alone? How come non of you noticed it? You started to laugh at the ridiculousness of everything. Natasha joined in but it died down soon afterwards, leaving you both smiling at each other. The moment of sexual tension was gone now but the spark between the two of you definitely was not.

[randomshyperson]

Wanda Maximoff Needs a Hug - Chapter Five - Series

Summary: Since joining the team, Wanda Maximoff has captured all of your attention, even if she has no idea about this. In a six-part story, you'll do your best to give her everything she needs and maybe she never thought she deserved it. Along the way, you two might end up realizing you were in love with each other the whole time.

Warnings: (+18), Friends to lovers, smut in the last few chapters, slow burn, conversations about self-love and individual worth, mentions of anxiety, past trauma, avengers being a family, canon-fix, a lot of magic. | Words: 4.964k

Please don't flag the work, thank you.

General Masterlist || Series Masterlist || AO3 || Wattpad

--//--

Chapter Five - Wanda Maximoff needs love

Thor was temporarily on earth. And he wasn't going to be long. Apparently, the Ragnarok mythology had just happened and after losing his home, he wanted to visit Jane one last time, even if they were no longer together. 

And well, since he was around, he visited all of you as well.

Wanda, after offering her polite greetings, retired to her own room.

She prepared an incredible bath in the bathtub of her suite. She wanted - needed - to relax.

And she didn't have to think about anything. Not about stumbling into the room of a bar hostel at three in the morning, and finding you moaning her name in bed.

Not to think about walking inside without knocking, without caring whether you saw her or not, and sitting down in the only armchair available. Not to think of how you freaked out and stopped the movements inside your pants, and she looked you in the eye and told you to keep going.

Not to think of all the soft sounds that escaped your lips when your fingers started moving again.

"Wanda we shouldn't... you said ... we were friends..." You tried to ration, and Wanda wondered how much of the potions' effect had already worn off for you to question her.

"Then be a good friend and keep rubbing your pretty pussy for me, okay?" She could hardly believe what she was saying, much less the sound that escaped your throat, the way your back arched into the mattress. Her throat went dry. "What are you thinking, detka? Did you wish it was my hand? Fucking you like this."

You whimpered her name, increasing speed. "Please, Wanda..." You begged breathlessly, and it was her turn to moan, squeezing her thighs together. The room seemed to get hotter and smaller with each sound that left your throat. "I want you to touch me... wanna feel you!" 

Something definitely happened, because you spasmed at once, moaning to the ceiling. Wanda bit her lips, watching you recover from your high, your hand still buried inside your pants.

"I feel... itchy." You muttered, definitely still spellbound. Your hand left your pants, wiping away the wetness that Wanda wanted so badly to have a taste of, on the sheet. "I'm so fucking warm. Do I have a fever?"

Wanda had to chuckle, her body still burning with lust. You gasped again, and suddenly, you were taking off your bra and effectively all the air out of her lungs. "Jesus, Y/N." Wanda grumbled, and you raised an eyebrow, somehow only now signaling that you had spotted her.

"It was squeezing my tits. Save it for me." You throw the bra in her face, and Wanda grunts softly. Your next action is to lie down, and the brunette places the item on the armchair, trying to normalize her breathing and ignore the way she is still aching under her panties.

And unlike the memory, where she surrendered to the potion and fell asleep, Wanda let a hand drip into the water, all the way to between her legs.

She would be lying if she said it was the first time. Or that it would be the last. It started way back when you two first started sharing a bed. Or maybe it started with the training.

In any case, she was familiar with the intensity of an orgasm achieved in her own fingers as a result of an image of you in her head. She was also used to the guilt that came afterward.

"Oh, detka, just like that..." She can't help it imagining you were there. Imagining what it would be like if she had had the courage to interrupt you the night before, what it would be like if you walked in on her now. Her climax came intense and strong as it always did when she thought of you, and this time, with the image of you coming, something different happened - The jars of shampoo quivered around her, a soft wave of magic reaching the entire bathroom. Wanda didn't even bother to worry, washing her pleasure in the water, breathing in softly.

The night before, you said you loved her. Was it so ridiculous to think that it could be the same way as she loves you? And it was so unfair that you didn't remember the night before. She didn't want to deal with it alone. If it was going to feel so bothered, let it be that you were going through the same thing. 

Despite the frustrating situation, she had this light and contented look on her face as she walked downstairs to the kitchen, and Natasha immediately knew.

"Oh my god, you two totally did it last night."  Declared the widow, and Wanda nearly knocked over the cereal pot in horror.

"How-what-when-" she stammered, her face burning. The widow squeezed her eyes at her.

"Clint told me he found you two drunk in a room. And a lost bra in the story. And just look at your little face, Maximoff. Is Y/N really a goddess when it comes to sex?"

Wanda stumbles back shaking her head. "I have no words for you, Romanoff. We're never going to have this conversation." She practically runs out of the kitchen and gets the impression that Nat would have followed her if Steve hadn't called the widow for a chat.

Wanda hid in her room, and if anyone asked, she was definitely not avoiding you.

–//–

"You've been avoiding me." Wanda almost grunts against the wood. "I'm hurt."

"I'm sorry." She murmurs, and you are surprised that she doesn't deny it, and immediately loses the relaxed posture for a worried one.

"Hey, did I do something wrong?" You ask, and Wanda feels the tears forming behind her eyes. She opens the bedroom door fully to have space to hug you, and you hold her at the same time.

You haven't done anything wrong, she wants to say. Only her, over and over and again, and again for months.

You just grow concerned about the reaction. "Am I such a terrible drunk?" Your joke only makes things worse, but you have no way of knowing. Wanda holds you tighter, and thanks that even though you can feel her tears wetting your blouse, you don't pressure her to talk about it, and accept her justification of just feeling stressed.

She brings you in and tells you about everything. Well, not everything, but what she feels is relevant to say. About the witch in the bar, and the subject of a coven.

"So, she didn't say how we found other witches?" You question half frustrated. You want so badly to help Wanda, and you feel your hands are tied like hers.

She sighs, pushing her hair back. "It makes sense if you think about it, detka. Witches have been marginalized in history. Now they protect themselves. She told me that a coven claims the witch, and asked where I was hiding all this time. Maybe, and this may be a long shot, none of the witches approached me because I was with Hydra when I came of age."

You sigh. "It's a risky possibility." You say sincerely. "It's not like it's impossible for a witch to get into a military installation. They have cool tricks, the most Hydra had was guns."

She twitches her nose gently, looking at you affectionately. "Sometimes I forget how much you love witches."

You laugh. "How could I not? My favorite person is a witch." Wanda feels her cheeks heat up, and she giggles awkwardly, looking down at her lap. Seeing the way she's gone shy, you add, "I'm obviously talking about Hermione Granger."

Wanda chuckles, giving your shoulder a gentle nudge, but keeping her hand in place. You look at her expectantly, your breath hitching like hers.

She does open her mouth but doesn't know exactly what to say. You swallow dryly, seem suddenly tense, and look away.

"There's something I want to talk to you about." You declare, and she feels her heart soar at the serious tone. She withdraws her hand back into her own lap, and hugs one of her knees.

"Okay."

You sigh, mimicking the position and resting your chin on your knee. "Thor's been here a few days, right? We spent some time together, catching up." You mutter. "And I... damn, how do I say that without sounding ridiculous..."

Wanda giggles confusedly. "Just say it once, honey."

You swallow dryly, looking away. "You know everything I know about my past, right? And about how I basically know nothing. " You start with a humorless laugh. "Well, this whole thing with Thor and his homeland happened, and you were training and I didn't want to worry you, but... um, I've been different. I am different. Stronger, much stronger. Not physically, the other way."

Wanda frowns. "What are you talking about?"

You sigh in frustration that you can't count right. "Well, you know how Hydra found me in Norway, right? In the same city from where Odin stored the Space Stone in WWII. It was not a coincidence. Thor told me that Odin before he died, shared a secret with him. About another child he saved. That child was me."

Wanda stares at you in complete surprise, and you clear your throat. "Wait... so you...?"

"I'm Thor's niece-"

"You're a real goddess?" Wanda cuts you off with an excited exclamation, an almost proud smile on her lips. You blink in confusion. "I don't believe it! Stark owes me fifty bucks."

"Stark... wait what... You bet-"

Wanda was getting up to the screen tablet connected to the bedroom door, calling Tony. It didn't take long for the other avenger to answer from the lab, and he spoke first.

"Let me guess, she told you she's alien." He sneered, and Wanda laughed.

"And you owe me 50 bucks."

"Don't get so cocky, Maximoff. It would be 100 if you had gotten the planet right." 

She rolls her eyes, and hangs up, turning to you with a proud expression. She leans over and kisses your forehead before sitting down next to you, a little closer than before without noticing.

"Sorry to interrupt your story, sweetheart. This is so incredible! I mean, are you happy about this? Are we happy about this?"

You laugh softly, running a hand through your hair. "I haven't decided about that yet." You retort sincerely. "Actually, my whole thing is not to die, Wands, so Thor thinks that maybe, I'm the daughter of Hela, his older sister, and goddess of death."

"Oh, and where is she now?"

"Dead." You retort clumsily, surprising her. When she makes mention of assuring you, you shake your head. "It's all right. I didn't really know her as a mother, and well, I've been an orphan all my life, nothing's changed. Except, well, this."

You raise one of your fists, and Wanda doesn't notice anything different until you sigh, and open your palm, a black flame in the center. She adjusts herself on the couch, impressed.

"Wow, cool." She murmurs, reaching out to touch under your hand. The skin warms, but not like there is flame on top. "Does it hurt?"

"Not at all." You assure, showing off as you make the flames dance, and managing to make Wanda laugh with the illusions of fire that look like two girls dancing around. "I'm sorry for keeping it a secret. The masters at the Kamar Taj helped me control it, they figured it was some late ability of the Space Stone. But now with Thor's return, I know better."

Wanda turns her attention away from your hand, and you make the flame go out of sight. She stares at you intently. "Do you know who your father is?"

You sigh, shrugging. "He was probably human, assuming he's dead. When they rescued me and exposed the Hydra files, Nat and Steve found a good portion of the tests they did on me. It read hybrid specie, and I always found it interesting to consider myself a god, after all, they nicknamed me as an Angel. But now, we know that I am half Asgardian. With luck, maybe Dad was a Kryptonian."

Wanda twitches her nose, laughing softly. "If comic books were real, of course." She reasons in the same humorous tone, making you laugh. But you sigh again a moment later and sound so tired. 

"Thor thinks I would find out more about my past if I traveled to Helheim."

Wanda frowns. "Wait, if I remember Nordic Mythology correctly, isn't this the Realm of the Dead?" You sigh, nodding. Wanda tenses up. "But you'd have to die to-"

"Not while being Hela's daughter." You immediately reassure her. "I'd be gone for a while. I don't know...how long on earth."

Wanda swallows dryly, pushing a swirl of emotions away. "Oh, you're saying goodbye." She gasps softly, eyes filled with tears like yours. You deny it with your head.

"I'm asking."

Wanda laughs tearfully, reaching out for your hand. "Don't be silly, I would never... never stop you from finding out more about yourself. Especially after all you've done for me."

You sniffle, holding her hand to raise it to the height of your face, kissing her palm. "I would miss you so much that I would be sick."

Wanda sobs softly, shaking her head. "Detka, don't be like that..." She asks, smiling at the way you move her hand until it is on your cheek, leaning into her caress. "It won't take a minute. You'll be back before I can miss you."

You chuckle weakly, and close your eyes, enjoying the warmth of her hand for a second. "Maybe I just don't want to leave you alone. Because you know, you don't have any other friends." You joke, and Wanda laughs tearfully, almost risking everything. She leans in, puts her forehead against yours, and loses her nerve. 

No, she wouldn't do that now. Because she wouldn't want you to think it's just a way to force you to stay.

"I bet... I'll have new friends when you come back. And I'll be a witch with a coven."

You turn away, with a raised eyebrow in teasing. "Oh, is that how we'll do it then, Maximoff?" You retort in the same tone. "Well, I'll make sure I have all the answers when I get back then. About my past, my powers. And maybe, I'll make a new best friend as well!"

She grimaces immediately, pushing you by the shoulders. "Don't you dare!" She warns in jest mixed with a seriousness that makes you fall into laughter against her collarbone.

You don't remember leaving her room, how that joke ended, how Wanda acted over the next few days. But you remember the salty taste of her tears when you kissed her cheeks on the day you left with Thor across the Bifrost. You remember the out-of-pace breathing against your ear, Wanda promising that she would wait for you and that she would win the bet. 

You remember the urge to kiss her without caring about the rest of the team.

–//–

"I lost the bet."

That is the first thing Wanda says to you, in the middle of a battlefield in Wakanda. You ignore the fight to grab her by the waist, spinning her in the air as you hug her tight.

Thor warns you two, axe in hand, that it's sweet, but it's not really the best time for it right now.

"Win the fight, then catch up." You whisper to her, forehead touching hers. Wanda rubs her lips against the corner of your mouth and you almost lose it. 

"Guys! I know we're winning but focus please!" It's Steve Rogers, interrupting the moment. You turn away from Wanda with a complicit smile and refocus on the fight.

The captain didn't lie. When Thanos' Army arrived, the Avengers and Wakanda were ready for them. Vision was at his greatest potential, a true fighting machine - Something like Ultron wanted to become. You would find out later that it was a scientist from Wakanda who disassembled his neurons to separate him from the stone, and now, he had reached another level of independence.

"Where's Tony, I haven't seen him yet!" You shout to Steve between one enemy and another.

He dodges a blow before answering, "In space! He and Bruce, and a fancy mage. They took the leader of them off earth to keep him from using the Stones he already has on us."

"Clever." You comment, and have half a second to dodge a sword. "Oh, careful there, buddy." You tease your opponent, destroying his sword with a gentle thrust. He doesn't have time to react before a black claw emerges from the ground and hits him in the head, ripping it off. "That never gets old, mom." You mutter to yourself, smiling slightly before refocusing on the fight.

You almost think Wanda lied about the bet when you meet her again - Destroying gigantic machines with a simple wave of her hands. 

Not only you, but Nat and a woman you don't know are completely in shock, staring. 

"She really should be in the center of your team lunchbox." Says the Wakanda fighter, and Nat laughs, looking away from Wanda because she noticed you staring at the figure that flew off into the air to carry the destroyed machines away from Wakanda's army. 

"I wouldn't have it any other way, Okoye." Nat says the warrior and you exclaim in surprise as she jumps at you, hugging you tightly. "I missed you, little brat. Don't they have cell phones in the realm of the dead?" Nat mocks, missing Okoye's priceless expression on the line.

You chuckle, hugging her back before letting go. "Sorry, the signal was terrible." You joke back, smiling at the gentle slap she gives your shoulder before you return to fighting.

The fight got a little more difficult - as it usually does in major conflicts - before Thanos' numbers began to drop considerably. And you were out of breath in a forest when Tony and some people you didn't know pushed a purple titan out of a portal.

Thanos' head rolled between the ground and a few feet away from you, and your stomach churned.

"Oh, shit, not cool guys." You turned around, vomiting into the nearest tree.

A tall, muscular man laughed, putting his hands under his armpits. "And who's that?" he asked.

Tony sighed loudly, covering his face. "Guys, this is Y/N, goddess of... death." He declared to your still queasy figure from seeing the deceased titan, and the group around him exchanged uncertain glances.

"Are you sure? Maybe she's in the wrong role." Murmured a girl, but you were getting back on your feet again, and when the rest of Thanos' army notified of the Titan's death, the conflict was over.

A young boy carried a golden gauntlet missing half of the Stones. "H-hi, I'm Peter. Peter Parker. Where can I put this, m-miss-goddess of death?"

You laugh with a hand to your stomach, looking away from Peter to Tony, noticing how hurt he and the team look, though alive. You also notice that fancy mage with them helping Tony stand. 

"I think you can take it to T'Challa, kid. Come on, I'll take you back to the palace." You say, nodding for Tony and the others to take care of Thanos' body. You extend a hand to Peter on the way. "I am Y/N Odinsdottir, more like an Angel of Death than a goddess, but I do not reject the title. You must be the new recruit to the Avengers, Tony used to talk about a Peter Parker from the foundation all the time before I traveled."

The boy blushes embarrassedly. "Oh, really? That's...very kind of Mr. Stark. I'm not officially a member of the team yet, but I...I'd be honored."

You laugh, shaking your head. "I would be honored to work with you too, spider boy." You say gesturing momentarily to the spider on his chest. He laughs sheepishly.

"Actually it's spider-man, b-but anything you want is fine..."

You chuckle. "I'll have fun with you in the Tower, Parker."

–//–

Wakanda was considered the most hospitable place in the world for tourists - its feather pillows were considered the softest in the world.

Nothing compares to waking up on Wanda's chest.

The day of the battle is kind of messed up in your head. You came back after meeting Thor again in space, really needing your help, and suddenly you were fighting again, this time alongside your girl. 

After you brought Peter to the palace, not only you but Wanda were very busy helping the wounded. And when you finally had time to be alone, you were both exhausted. One of the boys from Wakanda said your rooms were ready, but Wanda stepped in with a nod.

"She sleeps with me." She said simply, sliding her hand into yours and no one, much less you, questioned that.

It was a little uncomfortable having fallen asleep in your fighting clothes, but your muscles simply weren't responding yesterday. You would have used the time of waking up first to admire her, to relieve some of the longings you felt, but your body was begging for a bath.

You left the bed as quietly as you could and remove your clothes when in the bathroom. You brushed your teeth and stared at yourself in the mirror for a moment. 

Would Wanda notice the changes in your face? Would she even remember what you looked like before you left?"

"That scar is new." You were startled by the husky voice behind you, distracted by your own agonies. You held her gaze in the reflection of the mirror, trying not to blush too much over your nakedness. Wanda yawned softly, approaching you with slow steps. Her hand found your back and moved up to your shoulders, tracing lines. "This one here too. And this."

"Hel's weapons could really hurt me." You confide in her, and you can feel the way she tenses before inhaling deeply.

"You were gone for almost eight months, and all that time, there was a chance you wouldn't come back?" She questions and you lower your gaze, taking a deep breath as well.

"No, because I promised I would come back to you." You turn to her with a small smile. "We had a bet-"

Wanda pushes you away, hurt and fear disguised as fury in her gaze. Of course, it doesn't hurt - it's you after all - and she pushes again, but this time you hold her wrists against your chest, breathing out of rhythm like hers.

"I fucking missed you, you idiot, you know that don't you?" She spits out in a hot gasp, too close to your body for you to think straight.

"I missed you every day. Every hour, every minute, for every second." You confess back, closing your eyes before she does. Wanda loses her balance, is the proximity she is sure of, her knees give out, and she is stumbling away. You don't let go, following her body until she is pressed against a wall that seems even colder because her skin is on fire. "How could you let me leave, Wanda, I thought I was gonna die without you beside me."

She lifts her face, breathing quickly against your cheek when something like a needy whimper escapes her lips. "If you missed me so much, why don't you... why don't you kiss me?" She demanded, forcing her hands free to grab your sides, pulling you to her as if you were going to disappear. The feel of your body completely against hers makes you both moan.

"I won't stop, Wanda. If I kiss you, I won't... I wouldn't be able to stop." It is your last plea, your mouth tracing a hot path against her jaw, and down her collarbone. She gasps with her eyes closed tightly.

"I didn't ask you to." She retorts, and you grunt before turning your face to hers, and finally, kissing her.

It is intense as you both expected but surprisingly calm in the first moment. You could cry at how perfectly her mouth molds on yours, and when her tongue slides over yours, your hips push up against hers instinctively, and Wanda moans into your mouth.

That changes everything.

You are not sure when her clothes reached the floor of the bathroom, but you know you have torn them off. Not rough, just rushed. Wanda makes the most delicious sounds when you kiss her, touch her, and hold her. Her body responds to yours as needily as yours to hers.

You stumble into the shower - which turns on automatically and takes you by surprise. Wanda laughs when you break the kiss with an exclamation about the water, and the sound brings out the intimacy and trust you two have beyond pure lust.

Wanda holds you under the water for a moment, mouth to mouth. You burn, hands in her hair, begging for permission to continue.

It is she who mixes sex with bathing - grabbing the soap and starting at your back. Part of you knows that she is assessing all the damage you have suffered during these months, counting your new scars.

When it's your turn, you just want to discover her. Your mouth goes down, and down, not biting, but marking her skin with red hickeys all the way.

She struggles for breath as your mouth closes around one of her breasts, a firm hand in your hair. 

"Detka, that feels... really good." She praises you with narrowed eyes, practically melting against you. Your mouth sucks hard on her nipple and Wanda breaks into a needy whimper, the grip on your hair getting strong enough to hurt. "P-please, I need...more."

You gasp, reluctantly letting go of her breasts to steady your hands on her waist. "I know baby, I know. I'm going to use my fingers first, okay?"

It shouldn't be legal for you to ask these things with your warm breath in her ear, Wanda almost comes with just that. She moans, nodding frantically. "Y-yeah, detka, anything. Just... touch me. Please." She begs, moaning as you kiss her hard, pushing back so that she is pressed against the shower wall.

You keep kissing her deeply, stealing the air from her lungs as the hand that doesn't hold and teases her nipple moves down her body. Your knee separates her legs gently, and you give a gentle tug on her thigh, Wanda follows the cue immediately, entwining her leg behind yours.

Your fingers slide into her with an ease that almost makes her scream. You keep your mouth on hers, swallowing every single moan as you establish a rhythm inside her, in no hurry to sink one, and then two, to finally a third when she begins to whimper, into her soaked pussy. 

She makes such a hot mess against your hand, but you fuck her against the bathroom wall without bothering. Her hips try to follow the rhythm of your thrusts as she gasps against your lips, unable to match the kiss with the proximity of her orgasm.

It hits her completely, blinding pleasure making her cry out to the ceiling, the sound muffled by the shower.

You remain inside her, breathing out of rhythm against her neck, and Wanda whimpers at the slow rhythm you keep pushing into her.

"It's too much detka ... it hurts." She warns in an affected moan, but you remove three fingers to return one inside, and she chokes, gripping your shoulders. "Please, I'm sensitive-"

"You're wet." You contradict with a darkened look. "And you're sucking me in, princess. Look. Feel it."

You are right. Despite sensitivity, her clit is twitching, her walls clenching at nothing, begging for more. She grunts, digging her nails into your skin. "Just five minutes?" She tries in a whisper without much firmness, because her hips push against your hand. You giggle mischievously, sliding your finger out and making Wanda choke on your fingerprints, which you force into her mouth.

She feels another strong twinge of arousal, completely ready to come again, but you wait for her to wipe your fingers clean, gasping at the feel of her tongue.

"Now let me have a taste." You ask as you remove your fingers, and she kisses you immediately, moaning against your tongue. You cut off the kiss with a tug on her lower lip. "Let's finish the shower, we have five minutes."

She blinks affectedly. "W-what..." But you just let her go, offering a mischievous wink. Wanda gave a pout. "That's not fair!"

You shrug, grabbing the soap. "I'm just being respectful about your wishes, Miss Maximoff."

She grunts impatiently, grabbing you under the water. "My wish is that we continue what we were doing!" She insists, but you, despite holding her waist, offer her an innocent expression.

"We were taking a bath..."

She chuckles incredulously, shaking her head. "You are unbelievable." She complains, and when you go to kiss her, she pushes your forehead away, and your surprise turns to a soft complaint when she pours shampoo into your hair.

"Take a shower then. You do stink, warrior." She teases, and you laugh indignantly, holding her tight when she makes mention of moving away.

"Oh, that's so rude, Maximoff!" You retort making her laugh. 

There is a small hand and soap war, but Wanda ends up with her legs on your shoulders in the end, her back pressed against the glass box as you get on your knees to eat her out, and this time, when she comes her moan is so loud that the shower noise does not help much.

--//--

Please don't flag the work, thank you.

[whumpshaped]

First of all, I am equal parts amazed and terrified of your severe brainrot rn. Surely you don't sleep at night, eat or drink, just rotate those two like döner kebab and write? I binge-read it all yesterday (some pieces I read twice or thrice 😌) and I am overjoyed that the chapters keep coming but please don't write yourself into exhaustion 🥺

Second of all, Shadows for the vampire bingo! I imagine Helle likes dining out from time to time... Finds some other poor soul and is disappointed when they aren't as entertaining as Beck; or maybe they take beck somewhere, some park full of shadows - as enrichment 😊

i mean ur not wrong.. i do nothin but write recently.. but dont worry i'll be forced not to write for a good while starting saturday bc im going home :/ but until then its kebab time. heres how helle went about feeding while beck was out w the flu <3 not their best night

masterlist bingo card

tw vampire whumper, mind control, noncon biting of a married couple i feel like thats a special offence, noncon drugging, past trauma, death mention

Helle left the apartment feeling sick to their stomach. It was a dumb thing to still be so hung up about, it was merely the worst and last few days of their mortal life that gave way to a century torment right afterwards. Nothing monumental.

"This is ridiculous," they muttered to themself, quickly pressing the button that opened the front door of the building. The fresh air against their skin was definitely a welcome sensation — it made them temporarily forget about how suffocating their coffin had been.

They immediately spotted a couple on the bench by the playground, being all cute with each other. They thought about ruining yet another date night, but... no, they needed to get away for a bit. Just for half an hour or so. Take a walk, maybe, be around some other people so they could forget about the sight of their human lying on the bed with his face flushed.

'It's just the flu,' he'd said. Right. Because influenza was absolutely incapable of killing anyone, right? Because they weren't supposed to be thinking about the stupid outbreak, because it was three hundred years ago, because medicine had advanced since then, because it was just one human– Fucking hell, they had been that one human before. And if Beck was dying, they wouldn't even have the guts to turn him. Not like this.

They stopped and took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. It was fine. Everything was fine. Beck wasn't dying, they weren't dying anymore, and Lady Marie was dead. What they needed to do was find an unfortunate, stupid human, have dinner, and go back to check on their unfortunate, stupid human.

They stuck to the shadows around buildings, places that the streetlights didn't quite illuminate. They looked around the area for any fresh meat, eventually bumping into yet another couple. What was it with them? Well, whatever. They would do.

It took all of two seconds for the women to notice them once they amped up the charm a bit, and suddenly they were walking towards the danger zone, compelled to be around such an alluring stranger. Helle didn't wait for either of them to strike up a conversation.

"Stay right there for me," they said softly, enthralling one of the women while they grabbed her... girlfriend? Wife? They glanced down and caught a glimpse of the matching rings they were wearing. Yes, definitely her wife.

They grabbed the woman and bit down, steadying her with one hand and covering her mouth with the other. She tasted fine, they supposed, but everything felt like a downgrade after Beck. They used enough venom to keep her discomfort to a minimum, but hopefully not enough that she would come knocking on their door a couple days later for round two. It was hard to tell whether the charm was even broken, or she still thought she was getting randomly bitten by someone she'd met five seconds ago and didn't even get to greet.

They pulled away and lifted the enthrallment, just in time for the first woman to see her wife slump against them like a giggly little ragdoll. "You should probably bring her home," they suggested helpfully. "I am no doctor."

~

taglist: @whumpsday @the-scrapegoat @hidden-dreamland @dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night @delicateprincepaper @whumppmuhw @florissimps @nicolepascaline @oliversrarebooks @the-cyrulik @pirefyrelight

[ranaissingle]

Coffee or Tea pt.2

Part 1

part 3

Masterlist

Summary: Coffee Shop AU where the reader goes to the same coffee shop often to read books, study, or just drink tea and stare at the walls lol. I don't know the exact layout of LA so let's just assume that UCLA is close to this coffee shop which is also close to where all the celebrities are IDK lol I live in Georgia 💀.

Rating: M (T as of now but it will change later)

Pairings: Austin Butler x Reader, Austin Butler x race-neutral reader

Word Count: 892 Warnings: Age gap and the reader is definitely fem presenting but I'm doing my best to leave out any other definite features.

Authors Note: I am going to try to get these chapters pumped out as fast as possible because school is starting up for me again tomorrow so I won't have a lot of time to write ;(. I can already feel the tears coming lol. Also, the reader is inexperienced with flirting and sexual stuff because she is also very shy and has ✦trauma✦. Enjoy!

₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪

~5 months ago~

After finishing the movie, y/n was speechless, to say the least. The movie was nothing less than perfect. Her hands had been clasped together for a minimum of 15 minutes as the movie had come to an end. Y/N had yet another thing to obsess over during her summer break, lovely. Now that this was checked off her list y/n took out her book, opened to her page, and proceeded to get lost in it for the next 3 hours. Unbeknownst to her, Austin had not taken his eyes off her for more than 8 seconds at any given time.

Austin needed to find a way to talk to her. She was absolutely ethereal. Her hair framed her face perfectly and it took all of Austin's self-control to not reach out and touch it. As much as he wanted to do more, he was content to watch her as she finished the last of the movie and pulled out a book to read afterward. Oh, what Austin would give to have the confidence to talk to her. The only thing that a childhood spent in front of a camera had taught him was that he had much to be insecure about.

Y/n stayed unaware of Austin's turmoil for many more months to come but she was always watching the actor in the corner of her gaze. Seeing him never got old. His golden waves seemed to reflect the sunlight in the best way and his sharp blue eyes made her knees buckle and her chest warm. Well, this was new.

Although both parties desperately wanted to speak to the other, they remained ignorant of the other's desires.

~ Present~

Austin had had enough. Today was the day. Today he was going to speak to the soft girl with pretty eyes and supple cheeks. He would speak to her come hell or high water because he had spent the last 5 months formulating an introductory line and he was getting tired of only being able to dream of what her voice sounded like.

She was going to do it. Y/N was going to talk to Austin Butler today. Y/N had been telling herself this every time she came to the cafe for the last 2 months and she had yet to follow through. What could she say, he was intimidating. Y/N resolved to stop lying to herself and took a seat in her usual spot. She could just admire him as she always did and she was content with just that.

Austin walked into the cafe with a mission. He eyed the girl in the corner of the cafe where she always sat. Crap. He was nervous again. Coffee would calm him down and then he could hopefully muster up the courage he had been lacking for the last 5 months. After receiving his drink, Austin took action.

Y/N had not yet looked up from her book so she had not seen Austin walk in and order his drink. This however worked in Austins' favor. Because he walked up next to her and spoke when she looked up.

Y/N felt the shadow of a figure block out the light fixture over her. She looked up to see who it wa-.

Oh

No

It was Austin. He was standing right next to her. So close that she could move her hand a couple inches and be able to tou-.

" Hey, do you mind if I sit here? These chairs look like the comfiest in the whole store and I need a place to rest my legs." An easy smile worked its way onto his face as he finished his opening line. Success.

" Of course! Take a seat. I always sit here because the seats are so comfy too."

Austin could not have accurately imagined her voice if he tried. It was soft and airy just like her. He wanted to hear it again in fact he needed to hear it again. He needed to keep talking to her.

"Are you from around here? I see you in this coffee shop often so I was curious." Y/N was equally smitten with Austin's voice as he was hers. His was smooth and oh so deep. When he spoke y/n swore she could feel her stomach fill up with butterflies and another feeling she couldn't yet place her finger on.

" Yeah I go to UCLA and I live in the palms to be close to school. I didn't catch your name by the way?" The secret smile she gave Austin after she spoke almost took him off his feet. Her smile was everything he could wish for.

" My name's Austin. I also live around here because of work. What's your name?" His voice fell an octave as he eyed y/n up and down. She was drowning in a thick, wool sweater with a black skirt on and black tights. Her platform docs looked too big for her feet and made her ankles and calf seem all the more fragile. Austin eyed the piercings in her ears as well as the stacked gold necklaces she wore with the tightest one almost constricting her neck. Everything about her was captivating in a way that Austin was not accustomed to.

" My name is Y/N. It's a pleasure to meet you Austin." Y/N smiled at him as if he had just pulled the moon out of his pocket.

₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪

Let me know if you prefer stories to be written in 1st person or 3rd person. I'm having trouble deciding which one I like more.

Thank you for reading!! Don't forget to like and follow!! Until next time girlies!

[ghoulsbian]

001 with Mutsaura for the ask thing?

heavy breathing

you got it!! i'm happy to answer this!! i never get to talk about them except for with my friend allan (@holyhounddog, follow him! he makes amazing art.)

HERE WE GO!! mutsaura:

- when i started shipping it: i started shipping it back when the :re chapters were still coming out, specifically when mucchan and sanny started to team up. i immediately fell in love with the pairing. it very quickly replaced mutsurie as my favorite mutsuki pairing and has remained as my number one. there's something so spicy about them that just piques my interest. toxic yaoi to healthy yaoi (in the epilogue). DELICIOUS.

- my thoughts: probably in my top five tokyo ghoul ships. not exactly sure where but yeah. they have so much going for them- size difference, mutual understanding of each other, making each other worse, going from toxic to healthy, etc. (fun fact: my crush and i have the same exact size difference as mutsaura, though we are both girls). they're both really hot. they also stayed close with each other after the events of the final arc too and that makes me sooo happy. they really grew together and found wellness together.

- what makes me happy about them: i think that shinsanpei could offer mutsuki some sort of safety that no one else could. sanny is a man who accepted all of mutsuki, all of his faults and flaws and errors. he wasn't someone mutsuki had to hide even a portion of himself from. sanny accepted him at his craziest and unhealthiest, though sanchan was pretty crazy and unhealthy himself, and stayed with him as he got better too. i think they could be true soulmates. maybe they had a period of time where they thought it was only their craziness that brought them together, but they realized it was so much more than that.

- what makes me sad about them: i think that during their healing processes, there was a LOT of unraveling of the poor ways in which they treated each other during their dual insanity. it was a very emotional period of time for the both of them. i think that mutsuki also had to learn to love in a new way that wasn't pure obsession. i think he offered himself in that way to sanny but sanny downright refused, and it made mutsuki lash out cuz he felt unloved, but he came to understand shinsanpei's reasoning for doing so.

(i'm skipping over the fanfic questions bc i don't really read fanfic at all anymore, whoops)

- who i'd be comfortable with them ending up with if not each other: for mutsuki, definitely urie. though, i don't really see anyone else for sanchan. i know people ship him with touma but i feel indifferent towards that.

- my happily ever after for them: they ultimately leave anything related to ghouls and travel the world together. they end up with a cat that they carry around in one of those pet backpacks as they travel too. they end up living somewhere by the ocean, by a beach. they live a calm and unassuming life, not forgetting the people they used to be but forgiving themselves for it. they send postcards to the old quinx members and the kaneki family periodically too. AAGGHH!!

- who is the big/little spoon: i think mutsuki would feel emasculated for a bit if sanny tried to be the big spoon for him. so mutsuki was the big spoon at all times for a while. but mutsuki eventually caved, tentatively allowing sanny to be the big spoon. they agreed that if mutsuki felt too uncomfortable they would stop immediately. mutsuki was very tense at first, but slowly relaxed into shinsanpei's arms. it felt very nice for him. he'd never allowed anyone to hold him like that. he can't get enough afterwards. nowadays sanchan is the usual big spoon.

- what is their favorite non-sexual activity: bathing and showering together. mutsuki was very averse to the bathtub for a long time, because of his childhood trauma. he got extremely triggered and broke down the first time they tried the bathtub together, so they kind of worked up to it more gradually after that. it's now a fun activity they like doing a lot.

hope these are good :3

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Honestly I totally agree with everything you said about the overblot boys. Personally Riddle is my favourite from them, but that's because you can see how hard he tries to change at times. Like actually makes a notable effort. The others, while I do love them, don't. And on that note I hated Riddle when reading/playing the first book. Man did his tyranny piss me off.

But yeah. I totally agree with your assessment. No boy is 100% innocent, and they all have their flaws.

[Referencing this post!]

Riddle is definitely trying! We see him openly dial down on his enforcement of the rules (at the end of episode 1, during the unbirthday party; he also apologizes by making the tart for the celebration). Then, in episode 2 and throughout the rest of the main story, we see Riddle repress his rage and try to hold back from immediately lashing out when something irritates him. He’s really growing, bit by bit, and even I (someone who doesn’t particularly care for most of the dorm leaders) can admire Riddle for that.

Vil also makes a commendable effort to atone for what he’s done. He was one of the few boys who realized he was Overblotting and became self aware of how awful (“ugly”) his actions were, then apologizes multiple times to the VDC team afterwards for inconveniencing them (both at the end of episode 5 and at the start of episode 6).

I think Idia could also count…? He does come over to play video games (socializing, ew), which is something Idia would never normally do. He also comes to terms with his grief and allows Ortho to finally “be free”. This can be interpreted as Idia’s “apology”, both to Ortho, and for his past sins—and an apology to even himself for letting the past weigh him down and prevent him from moving forward.

Yeah, I’m just 🥲 personally bothered by the OBs receiving such different treatment from the fandom. It’s okay to play favorites, but it really feels like the general consensus is that some boys “deserve” more sympathy than others… and that rubs me the wrong way, because that’s not holding the boys responsible and it dumbs down their trauma into something easily resolved by shoving blame onto a third party. It defeats the point of TWST having the nuanced characters that it does 💦

I’ve heard the point being made that “the story holds some boys more accountable than others, so the fans feel less guilty for forgiving certain boys over the others”, and while I can see where people are coming from with this, I don’t really agree with it?? Sure, the case can be made that Riddle was held accountable by Heartslabyul and he then actively tries to be better, but I don’t think this can be said of Azul. He gets off with a slap on the wrist for all the cross-dormitory damage he did. (I guess here you can say the fandom forgives Azul because the story itself lets him off the hook so easily?? But I don’t think we should just blindly go along with whatever the story primes us to do.) Leona was held accountable in that he was still forced to play the other dorms; however, this doesn’t really prominently play into people’s forgiveness of him, as the chapter is so poorly written that Leona wasn’t truly “redeemed” in the eyes of the fandom. Jamil’s issue isn’t small scale enough to be comfortably dealt with. How are you supposed to hold a society and tradition responsible for his feelings? The same goes for Idia, who has to deal with the concept of death itself. There’s Vil, who arguably took the most personal accountability for his Overblot, yet people generally seem to hold disdain for Vil and believe that his motivations were shallow. Vil gets little sympathy despite being the most mature about the situation and accepting full responsibility for it.

Interestingly, this lack of sympathy for Vil seems to be something that’s more predominant in the international fandom; he is pretty beloved in the J-fandom 🤔 which I think speaks to the different demographics of TWST. JP is mostly adult fans, whereas international/EN seems to lean more to the juvenile side (teenagers, young adults). It kind of makes sense if we generalize the groups: younger fans relate to Riddle and Azul, as they can identify with the “I was controlled by an authority figure instead of being allowed to do what I want”/“I was bullied” aspects of their backstories. I would also argue that Leona’s backstory (“I’m never good enough for others”) also plays into this appeal to younger fans, who make seek comfort in media to cope with their own realities. Meanwhile, older fans have enough life experience to be able to relate to and appreciate the more esoteric conflicts of Jamil, Vil, and Idia—topics like societal expectations and norms, public opinion, dealing with death, etc. Of course, this isn’t an absolute, but just a general trend in the groups that I’ve noticed.

[karalovesallthegirls]

journeying into the realm of things only I will care about, when I first wrote 'we need to talk about kara' I was a graduate student studying counseling who had never even seen a client before and I included a basically throw away paragraph about kara receiving EMDR therapy because I knew it was a thing that was big for trauma treatment and I figured a superhero level therapist would utilize that, and the way that I wrote it was so clearly a wikipedia-level attempt at depicting a therapy I did not understand and even in my one little paragraph it was so wrong lmao

and now, as I try to work on the final chapter, I have two years of experience working with clients and I am literally EMDR certified, and so rereading what I wrote was so painful to me I had to rewrite it into a full scene. And I don't know if anyone would actually even care about it being more authentic or whatever but it just felt deeply important to me lmfao. In the event that you are interested in a comparison, I have the original vs what is up now below

Original from grad school Jill: Things are feeling better, she's feeling better, but there's still so much Her therapist suggests something else. Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. "Which means…" she drawls, and her therapist smiles. "Which means you recount a traumatic incident while following my guidance with your eyes. It should help." Kara isn't entirely convinced, but she might as well. They lead her through it. The doctor has her follow a pen with her eyes, up and down side to side in quick swipes, while she tells the story of her people's death. She recounts it in detail, talks of the fiery reds and death screams, tears running down her face the whole time while her eyes flicker and move about. "It works well with humans," the doctor explains. "The science isn't entirely understood but the research is undeniable. Something about the rapid eye movement triggers the part of the brain that holds on to the trauma, and through this process it eases it.

She's not sure if it works, but she sleeps the whole night afterwards for the first time in a long time. VERSUS

EMDR Certified Jill:

Things are feeling better, she’s feeling better, but there’s still so much.

Her therapist suggests something else. Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing.

“Which is…” she drawls, and her therapist smiles.

“It's a processing technique that targets the trauma in your brain through your eyes. Basically, research suggests there's a link between eye movement and brain processing. Think of it like sleeping - your body heals best when you get deep, REM sleep. Guided rapid eye movement - it can help.”

Kara isn’t entirely convinced, but she might as well. 

They build up to it for a while. Longer than Kara would have liked. They spend ages going over how her body and mind connect, how feelings live in her body just as much as her mind. They practice feeling your feelings, as ridiculous as it feels to do. They sit together, eyes closed, and practice shifting focus from more distressing feelings to more positive, over and over and over until finally, for some reason, her therapist deems her ready.  She expects to just start telling her about her deepest trauma, but then things never do go as she expects. "What's a problem you've been experiencing lately that, if resolved, would have a significant impact on your life?"

"I don't know, everything? I don't know." "Try something specific, it doesn't have to be perfect." Kara sighs, runs her fingers through her hair. "I guess just feeling angry and sad all the time." "Can you think of a specific time?" "Like last week. I spent some time with my sister and her girlfriend, and they were complaining about work and all the things going on and I just felt so frustrated - they get to just do that, get to go and do these big important things, and I'm just left here feeling useless and pathetic because I can't even get myself out the door to help."

"And that anger is familiar?" "Definitely. I got mad the other day at group, too, when someone was talking about how they hate having to navigate earth culture or something and I just felt so, so angry." 

"When you think about these moments, what do you feel like is the longing there?” “I don’t know what that means.” “What is it you're wanting in those moments?” “I guess I just want to be normal again. I want to be able to do what everyone else is doing again without feeling like I’m going to collapse under it all.” “You want to feel empowered, to be a part of something meaningful again.” She shrugs, nods. “Can you think of a time when you had a hope for that – of being empowered, being a part of something meaningful – and it didn’t happen?” Kara talks about the moment in Alex’s apartment when she collapsed under her own fear. “Can you think of an earlier time?” She does. She recounts a time when she first started working at Catco and she messed something up for Cat, and how isolated she felt. Her therapist nods, and then asks again,“Can you think of an earlier time?” It goes and goes and goes until suddenly she’s talking about being a child shoved into a ship and sent into the void. She can feel it on a visceral level, she can feel the flames behind them. 

“When you bring that memory to mind, what image represents the worst part?” her therapist asks gently. "My mom's face," she says. "The way she looked when they closed the pod." "When you picture that, your mother's face, what words go best with that image that express a negative belief you have about yourself right now, even if you know better?" She's shaking, she thinks, and she can feel the swelling of feeling flood her. Her mother's sad eyes, the crinkles around them as she fakes a smile, trying to comfort, trying to trick Kara into thinking it's all for the best, that it's all going to be okay. "It's not worth it," Kara says, "I'm not worth it. I shouldn't have been the one saved." "You feel worthless," the counselor reiterates. Kara nods, trembling.

"And where do you feel that in your body?" Kara waves over her face, her chest.  "Everywhere. Here, in my heart," she presses her hand to her chest. "I feel it crushing." Her therapist nods, sitting up straight, and lifts her hand. "I want you to bring up that image in your mind of your mom's face as she put you in the ship, think about the words 'I am worthless', and notice that feeling in your body, and then follow my fingers." And with that she moves her two fingers together in front of Kara, back and forth and back over and over while she followed along, her mind reeling at a level she's never experienced before. She asks her again and again what are you noticing now? What are you noticing now? And Kara notices everything. She feels everything. She cries the entire time. 

She’s not sure if it works, but she sleeps the whole night afterwards for the first time in a long time.

[aheckinmess]

Apricity || Toshinori x OC

(One-Shot series 3/? - regularly updated every Saturday and sometimes Sundays.)

Read on AO3.

Tags: Toshinori Yagi, All Might, Toshinori x OC, All Might x OC, Smol Might, Spooky Season, Decorating for Halloween

Word Count: 1,304 words

Summary: As Halloween creeps closer, Ichijiku decides it’s time to decorate! However, after the confrontation with Catfish, Toshinori brings up a scary possibility due to his continued worry for her wellbeing.

Author's Note: This prompt didn't go how I expected to, but what can I say? My characters like to keep me on my toes, so I hope you enjoy!

Chapter 3: Spooky Conversations

Ichijiku (Tigress)

It's nearly impossible to keep Toshinori away from me after the Catfish incident, and I can't say I blame him. The weeks pass with anxiety and hypervigilance as my constant companions. I find it hard to sleep out of fear that every bump and thump from my cat is actually a trespasser in my house.

A month passes after my brush with death before I have a different reason to be afraid; it's the season of spooks and screams. Weeks leading up to Halloween, I've started sleeping better and feeling less paranoid, but Toshinori still tracks my every move while he's around.

We're meeting up to shop for Halloween decorations when he saves me from a petty criminal trying to rob me. We get the cops to take care of it and continue our shopping trip afterwards. I'm rattled, but with Toshinori close by, I find myself quickly calming down. We shop for a few hours and I think he's also getting back into the swing of things.

Turns out, he isn't.

We get home and I leave him to take out a few of my purchases at the counter. Instead, l find him standing guard outside the bathroom when I walk out.

"Toshinori," I chuckle as I open the door. "You don't have to stand watch. Everything's okay."

"That's what I thought before and you were stolen from me." His jaw clenches and he glances down the hall before taking my hand. Abruptly, he pulls me against his chest like I'm his last chance at breath.

"Toshinori, what's going on?" I soothe, pulling back to cup his face in my hands. For a moment, his hands hold mine there and tears wet my thumbs. "Do you need some tea, love? Some couch cuddles?"

"No, no." He responds shakily. "We need to talk, Ichan."

Immediately, my mind blanks and my heart sinks. Childhood trauma feeds the anxiety sinking into my skin and the cold fear gnawing at me. Worry mingles with doubt as I wonder if he thinks I've been a poor girlfriend, or too much trouble. I take a deep breath, forcing myself to remain calm.

"Am I in trouble?" I ask.

"No, love, you're not in trouble." He assures with a smile. It doesn't reach his eyes. "But, what I have to say isn't pleasant."

I wait and fidget until he speaks again.

"I think it's too dangerous for us to be together, Ichijiku."

Everything stops. Even the never-ending activity in my mind comes to a standstill.

"Are you breaking up with me?" I choke out.

"Ichan..." Toshinori whimpers.

"No." I snarl through gritted teeth. "No. If your only reason is to protect me, then no."

"Ichan, what happens when another villain comes after you? And not just a petty thief like today? Now that it's public knowledge that we're dating, you are a target. Even petty criminals hold you in their sights like today. And when Catfish took you..." He trails off, knuckles turning white as he clenches his fists.

I step up, leaving no space between us as I grip his chin.

"Toshinori Yagi, look at me." I demand, and only continue when he listens. "Do you think I'm not worth the trouble of protecting?"

"What? No! You know that's not–"

"Then why let them dictate your life?" I cut in. "Why let a villain scare you like that? Do you sell all your possessions because you're afraid of being robbed?"

"No, but–"

"Do you stay at home all day because you're scared of being hit by a car?"

He sighs as his expression relaxes.

"No."

"Do you walk outside naked because you're scared you'll overheat?"

"Do you want me to?" He winks, lightening the mood.

I smack his chest with a laugh and a smile.

"No. I want that sexy body all to myself. But that's not the point! Do you give up every fight you're in because you're scared you'll die?"

"No, Ichan. I understand the point you're making. But it's a lot different when your life is the one at stake." He takes my hand and plants a kiss on it, allowing me a moment to get lost in his eyes.

"I know you're afraid of losing me, Toshi-kun. I fear losing you, too, and not just from hero work." I twirl a lock of his hair and gently stroke over his injured side. "But I'm more afraid of living my life without you beside me. Because I'd rather live happily with you even if only for a short time, than live my whole life afraid without you there with me." I stand on my tiptoes and kiss his cheek before turning towards the dining room to go unbag my Halloween decorations. "So...will you stay with me, too?"

There's a long pause as I pull out an orange and black wreath, a few bags of candy, and several boxes of spooky lights. Take a deep breath. Respect whatever his decision is.

"Yes I will." He answers, coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist. "Maybe it's selfish of me, but I don't want to leave you either."

"That mean you think I'm selfish?" I giggle.

"Of course not! Though I often think you're a little crazy since you have to put up with me." He laughs, laying his head on my shoulder. "I'm sorry, Ichan, for scaring you like that."

"I forgive you. Although, I mean, it is Halloween, I guess."

Together we spread out a smorgasbord of Halloween fright from my purchases. It's not until I look at my table that I remember I have a ghost table runner up in the attic. I think there's a few other things too.

"Toshi-kun, can you go grab the ladder to the attic?" I ask as I start grouping items.

"Sure thing. You got some more decorations?"

"Not many, but I know I have a few things up there if I can find them." I chuckle, making the trek up the ladder once it's in place.

Toshinori follows and it takes a little scavenging. There's no air flow and sweat clings to my skin. We both groan as we search various boxes with no luck. I squeal when Toshinori swats at my butt playfully when I bump into him.

"I don't think it's up here."

"I know I put it up here," I pout, looking around again. "But I guess it's hidden somewhere that I thought I'd remember. Silly ADHD brain."

Toshinori heads down first and I give one final, stubborn look. That's when a familiar black and white pops out at me on top of the Christmas box way in the back.

"Aha!" I dart over and grab the table runner, smiling in victory as I return to the ladder. "Found it! Past Ichijiku figured I wouldn't be able to find it...so it was on top of the only other decorations box up here...Christmas! Good job, me!" I pat myself on the back with a giggle before heading down the ladder, where Toshinori shakes his head at the bottom with a laugh.

Halfway down, my foot misses a rung on the ladder and I fall straight into his arms.

"This I can get used to." He kisses my lips. "You fell straight into my arms. You know, if you'd wanted my attention, you didn't need to go through such extremes."

"Oh, hush."

I wrap my arms around Toshinori's neck. Warmth sizzles among our mouths and travels to the pit of my stomach. A familiar need blossoms that seems to be mutual as Toshinori backs me against a wall, his body pressed against mine.

"You come here often?" I tease when I pull back.

"Of course. What say you and I find a room?" He presses his forehead to mine.

"There's one down the hall."

[ask-nome-tatsunagi]

about to drop something a friend of mine, @hessadvv , came up with here. since it was related to the tatsunagis, I thought Nome would maybe (probably not) enjoy it (meru might tho)

it's long and entirely copy pasted

Great. So,the tatsunagi family has a team of therapists, that are aware of cray and it's existence. They are the ones that keep the peace,and slam some sense into takuto's head (love him,but he's insane) somewhere between season 1 and 2,they took a vacation to Italy or something, somewhere that doesn't have vanguard,and that's when shit hit the fan(didn't want to. They knew that disaster would strike. But takuto argued that it was just for a couple of months,and that he could make sure that earth and cray weren't going to get destroyed......we can both agree that he miserably failed. Cut off all communication,so these therapists had no idea about the events that transpired during the asia circuit and LJ. Either they come back at the tail end of season 3, land at the airport,have this moment of"ahh japan! it's good to be back!"with the sun shining and see the staff cardfighting with weird tattoos, get outside and see everything burning. OR coming back a bit later and takuto(we'll pretend he's alive,I haven't thought that far yet)greets them at the airport, and we get a chapter where he threatens everyone not to mention the events of AS and LJ so he doesn't have to deal with the"I told you so!)and the scolding he'll get. But someone slips. Whichever version you think is funnier.either way, Once our REAL team of heroes finds out. They ask(read: demand)that takuto round up every one personally involved,and Make them individual therapy appointments to work through what happened. Non negotiable. Takuto sends out invitations for a"celebration"and then drops this bomb on them because he doesn't have a choice and he finds it funny (don't worry the therapists will deal with him. But they're used to it so they're focusing on the rest) featuring:kai jumping out of the nearest window. Misaki just leaving. Kamui and kyou having no idea what therapy even is. Chris arguing that he's a genius and doesn't need it. tetsu breathing a sigh of relief. The tatsunagi sisters giggling at everyone's reactions when one of TT(the therapists)turns around and announces that they'll be getting therapy too,etc

Basically,each team gets a therapist(Al4,Q4,etc),and individual sessions with the therapists assigned to them. And then the sessions start and they quickly turn from"helping these teenagers get over saving the world/trying to destroy it"into "why does everyone of these kids have childhood trauma?!" As the therapists realize that all of them have issues that started way before they even got into cardfight vanguard.

Aichi's bullying and his dejection at being a "failure" of an older brother to Emi and guilt over her feeling like she has to protect him. Kai's parents death/disappearance and the feeling of being unwanted by anyone afterwards . Ren's psychotic personality and abusive relationship with his father. Asaka's unhealthy dependance on him. Misaki ostracization growing up because of her photographic memory and her parents' death. Leon's life growing up on the island, trapped with nowhere to go. Chris drowning under the pressure of being the best.miwa feeling like he didn't enough for kai His teammates having to be in his shadow. Etc.

First appointment: featuring:kai glaring and not saying anything for two hours. Ren cheerfully avoiding any questions. The therapist immediately clocking Aichi as a bullying victim.(I know I talk about Aichi's bullying past alot. But it is truly important to me. We don't see the extent of it. But considering every flashback we see of child Aichi he is COVERED in bruises and also that he switched schools,I think I can safely assume it was terrible. to me switching schools is the VERY last option. I would have liked to see side effects from that, even after a couple years. Because bullying isn't something most people easily get over. I am lucky enough not to have been ever put into that situation,but still. I would have liked to see it Like,not really trusting the teachers at his new school, because he saw them completely ignoring his situation,or dismissing it as"kids being kids" while kids can be extremely cruel without understanding the consequences. Hunched over trying to make himself smaller to not draw any attention. Him potentially running into some of his old bullies in highschool,etc. i tried touching on it in my fic but I didn't do that well. It sucks that the only time it was ever mentioned again was when naoki was introduced. As he apologized for not stepping in. I don't think Aichi had the saddest childhood in the series. Far from it. But it would have made a good plot point. Sorry I am rampeling).

Not Taking any of Ren's bias. Staring kai down. And being badass. And then realizing the that team dynamic between Q4 is extremely disfunctinal and pretty toxic. The worst of the bunch, which is a shock to everyone. So that leads to team sessions being implemented. And that leads more then once into a screaming match between Aichi and Kai.(I wanted him to call kai out on his bullshit here) also there are group sessions will all four of the psyqualia users which also end up in screaming matches between leon and ren,and ren and aichi.

I just realized I forgot about LM. We'll pretend that their memory was deleted and this just happened post canon.

That is actually a GENIUS idea because that's literally how it would work. Like you can't go to any therapist to talk to them about having gone through like 4 apocalypses, you need a specialised team for that. I'd think it was Nome's idea because his siblings grew desensitised to all that mess meanwhile he, who never directly participated in any of that, was like "Hey. What the hell. Sending you all to special therapy right now."

- meru

[cosmicjoke]

Hmm, okay, finally read chapter 52 of Saezuru, and I've got to say, Yashiro seems downright depressed at the end of the chapter. He's a hurtin' unit, man. And I think it really ties into my last post about this chapter, about Yashiro's conflicting feelings regarding wanting to be treated gently. Doumeki didn't do that here. Yashiro's expression when Doumeki flips him over is one of almost panic. Yashiro didn't want this, and his internal thoughts afterward in the shower seem to confirm that to me, when he wonders if Doumeki really had to "fuck me so hard", as he says. I posited before that Yashiro is having a difficult time reconciling his desire to be treated gently with the trauma he experienced at the hands of his step-father, particularly his step-father telling him he was really a woman, and how Yashiro may feel admitting to wanting gentility, in some way, proves his step-father right about him. Yashiro seems obviously depressed to me here when he's thinking about how Doumeki wouldn't treat a woman roughly the way he did Yashiro himself just now. I think Yashiro wants Doumeki to acknowledge him as a man, but to still treat him with the same care and kindness he would a woman. And I think Yashiro wants Doumeki to acknowledge him as a man so much because he doesn't want his step-father to be right about him, but he's feeling extremely low here because it seems Doumeki has changed into the prototypical Yakuza, someone who hurts other men.

What also really stood out to me in this chapter was how highlighted the physical difference between Yashiro and Doumeki was. Of course, it's always been obvious that Doumeki is like this physical specimen of masculinity, and Yashiro is much more feminine in comparison. But Yashiro's waif-like physicality seems even more pronounced here. He's so thin, and Doumeki manhandles him with ease. You get a real sense of Yashiro's helplessness at Doumeki's hands in this chapter, and I don't necessarily think that's meant to be taken as a good thing. You have this moment afterward, though, when Yashiro gets up to take a shower, when he loses his footing and falls, and Doumeki catches him. In these panels, Doumeki's superior physical strength is seen as a good thing, as he's using it to protect Yashiro, rather than overpower him. But of course, Yashiro pushes him away in the next moment, made uncomfortable, once again, by their positions, him being the smaller, weaker man in need of protection, like a woman would be. I really do think this is just a severe struggle for Yashiro, this pull between wanting to be seen and acknowledged as a man, but wanting to be treated like a woman. He doesn't know how to ask for it, because to ask for it would be to acknowledge his step-father was right (at least, that's what I'm guessing at with Yashiro).

It's a tragic and heartbreaking set of circumstances. Doumeki isn't opening up to Yashiro either, and he continues to come off as having changed into rather a more unfeeling, hard-hearted person, and you can see how deeply it bothers Yashiro. You can tell, I think, that he misses that Doumeki. When he starts to say the old Doumeki never would have picked up on his sarcasm, only stops himself halfway through and gives up trying to explain, you get such a deflated sense of defeat off of him. Yashiro keeps looking, I think, for signs that the Doumeki he knew is still in there, somewhere. That the Doumeki who treated him with the respect and admiration one would afford a worthy man, but with the kindness and care one would afford a loved woman, is still there.

Something is going to have to give here, eventually. Either Doumeki drops the act, or Yashiro opens up, or something more extreme, some sort of threat which forces their true feelings to come out.

Right now, Yashiro is still, I think, in a very bad place mentally.

[snellyfish]

DRDT FAN LET'S GOOOOOO

Ahem,

1. Thoughts on the drdt fandom's popular ships?

2. Any theories for Ch2?

Omg you guys feed me so much. Putting this under a read more bc I'm starting to feel bad for rambling + DESPAIR TIME SPOILERS!??!!

hmmhmmhmhmhmmm trying to remember popular ships off the top of my head .... Sorry if I missed any, I'm not up to date with my fandom lore T_T Will probably edit this later for ship names I forgot, since I'm too lazy to look em up rn lole

Obviously Verturo #1 forever I will spout my Verturo propaganda until I DIE. No thoughts only rotating them in my mind. I sincerely hope they have another movie night and Veronika gets to kill someone and Arturo either feels heartbroken for having fallen for her previously or is impressed and finally admittedly likes her afterwards. Don't know whatcha got til it's gone. Haha. Hehe. Either way. I obviously have hesitations and fears regarding Arturo's character and where it'll take him, so I really can't feel you can get into it too much until he's become less one-note but AUUGHGH I'm impatient and insane,,, Verturo call me back,,,,,, Veronika should ask him to vivisect her for fun I mean-What If They Killed Someone Together #Slay

Teruko/Min is sooooo<333 UGH!!! Tragic lesbians,,, love their interactions before the trial too! Need to think about them more, honestly

Unsure if it's still popular--all things considered--but I still think Xander/Teruko is very interesting; even/especially in canon. But alas, I await to learn more lore about their situation, particularly Xander's.......

Charwhit is super cute! No matter the context of the dynamic, romantic/platonic/qp whatever, I love em they are so sweet 😭😭 Charles deserves someone kind, but not a pushover yesman, ykno!

Xanvid has potential for sure,, buuuut I feel like the reasons I like it are wayyy different than the reasons it's popular LOL, so I don't see much or any content for it that aligns with the interpretation I like? 🤔 Still fun ig

Ace/Levi is a no from me but I get it...

I don't thhhhink it's popular..? but HI where's the Xanwhit representation. I'm not huge on them but they just make me smile sometimes :) <-- like this

Finally, but unfortunately, I can't exactly say I have any chapter 2 predictions, honestly! All I've been thinking about is how the hell Teruko is gonna come back from this one, in terms of ykno,,, interacting with her classmates again, considering what a hasty rift she's already dug into the game and between everyone and herself. Although, I suppose it would be good timing for everyone else to trauma bond together with Teruko left out? Bc I just imagine she's isolating herself, she had quite a nasty breakdown after all HAHA. But I dunno... I haven't thought about it too hard, and don't have a full grasp on Teruko's character yet, we'll just have to wait and see 👁️👁️

And I haven't personally read any fantheories (or try to avoid em) because sometimes theories for any media in general make too much sense I don't wanna spoil it for me if they end up true/accurate HAHAHA silly brain

[robotslenderman]

Saw your reblog,so

Dusty!!!!!

How is the Wendy fic going?????

Any headcanons?

*shouts in distance, sounds like the echo like noise across a large playground or empty parking lot "

Nossiesss!!!!?!?

I've actually started the first read of Wendyfic!

My fic writing process basically goes like this:

First draft. Usually in dot points, tho not always. Very messy. Like think of the average first draft -- it's way worse lmao. Wendyfic's first draft is actually surprisingly neat!

Pretend it doesn't exist for at least 3 months. I went 6.

First read! This is where I take notes on themes, structure, make notes of where to insert foreshadowing, etc.

I make a summary of the story afterwards, and a summary of character arcs, themes, etc, based on these notes.

Then after that read I go through and read again, this time making a summary for each scene.

Overhaul time. I fix up the summaries I made before and make them summaries of what I want the story to be, noting which scenes have to be chopped, which have to be combined, etc etc.

Second draft. It's basically an entire rewrite, especially if the first draft was just dot points. Especially because my first drafts are usually in present tense and I need to switch everything to past -- it's just easier to completely rewrite.

Let it sit, but not for as long this time.

Polish draft.

At minimum the draft I publish is the 3rd draft, but usually it's the 4th. For really difficult chapters it's the 5th. The bolded step is where Wendyfic is right now.

And like. I know I write fic for free but I've always prided myself on trying to be as professional with my fics as I can be, making them the best they can be. I've submitted one shots that I half assed and I wasn't really proud of them even if people loved them (the Roger fic where he touches Hvare for the first time -- don't really like how I did it).

It does mean tho that I take forever to actually publish the damn thing, but I swore to myself years ago I'd never be one of those writers that half assed a long form fic and abandoned it partway through because "well shut up and be grateful you're getting it FOR FREE." I think part of dismantling capitalism means dismantling the idea that money is the only thing worth making an effort for.

But yeah!

Wendyfic's first draft is a bigger mess than the first draft of the last fic was, so she's going to need an even bigger overhaul. There's too much of her running around ordering people to do things for her, and not enough of her actually doing things and overcoming challenges.

I am nervous about publishing this one though. Wendy was a very moral person in Radio Silence, but in the sequel she's essentially discovered just how hard it is to do the right thing and it's really chipped away at her morale and her ability to stick to her principles and that's going to disappoint a lot of people who were proud of her for her "Fuck you, do the right thing" attitude in RS. She does falter in ways that are pretty big that she wouldn't have during 2004. She makes one pretty big decision I would never make in a million years, and I just know people are going to accuse me of sanctioning that decision just because I wrote about it, but I'm going to write it anyway because I like to write fucked up things and people making fucked up choices. I'm going to slap a pretty big disclaimer on the fic because of it though -- people are going to find it genuinely triggering.

I have personal experience with something similar (someone else made the same choice Wendy did) and I guess it was my way of working out how people can make the decisions they (and Wendy) do, but I'm not going to say more than that because fuck anyone who thinks I should dig up my trauma publicly to justify writing about fictional trauma in a fucked up way.

Sorry, that was vague.

As to headcanons and so on -- really hard to comment at this point lol because anything can change. I'm thinking of dividing one character into two, but then I realised that that character actually does well enough staying the way they are so I might not go through with it after all.

I will say tho:

I stopped the final draft just before the climax because I genuinely had no idea how it was going to play out, and figured I should reread and edit before I get that far. So I still have no idea how it's going to end. Hell, I didn't fully know how RS was going to end until a couple of weeks before I published it.

The Baltimore Nosferatu Primogen is a swan because the Baltimore nossies thought it was funny. Alas, he's not my invention, he is @orodrethsgeek's, but they let me borrow him!

The Vykosoviches show up and so does Sullivan, but I don't know how much of that will stay in.

Cieszmir showed up as well but he'll probably be cut out because he was pure self indulgence. Unless he shows up and does something in the climax-I-don't-know-about, because I'm quite sure his uncle will and he hasn't been in any scenes his uncle hasn't been in. If enough people yell at em to keep him lol I might

At one point Wendy gets chased by a serial killer with a chainsaw.

The Washington DC Warren is SO COOL but I won't spoil it aaaaaa

I have no idea if Cock Robin will be in this fic or not. He was in the first draft but didn't really do anything so unless I can figure out what to do with him in the next draft he'll probably be cut out entirely.

[chaosoftheages]

Father & Son Timeline:

December 3rd, 2022: Okeh just this one book and I'll be done.

January 3rd, 2023: Ok I'll make a sequel I'm quite proud of book 1 hopefully it'll do good.

January 23rd, 2023: Ok I guess I'm making a trilogy

Febuary 10th, 2023: Okay this is the LAST BOOK

March 30th, 2023: Ok fuck it book 4

April 1st, 2023: Ok now it's the last book NOTHING MORE AFTER THIS

June 9th, 2023: Book 5 I guess

June 11th, 2023: Actually why not work on something different for a while *Writes To Heaven & Back*

July 1st, 2023: Hmmm I've had this idea sitting in my drafts for a while let's write it *Writes Made To Ruin*

July 10-11, 2023: Shit AO3 is down...WAIT FATHER AND SON ISN'T DONE YET FUCK

July 11th, 2023: Okay I'll postpone the AU I was working on

July 12th, 2023: Okay just one more book

July 13th, 2023: AND OF COURSE I MAKE A BOOK 6 TO MAKE ANOTHER TRILOGY

August 1st, 2023: *Writing chapter 13 of book 5* December 2022 me is probably looking at this rn and going "How the fuck did we get here"

AKA

Me in 2022 watching episode 30: Ok I got a good idea for a book let's see how this plays out

Me writing book 1: Hmm seems like this book is gonna do good maybe it'll be my breakthrough. But just this one book I don't wanna go to crazy.

Me in August 2023 writing the 5th book in the series knowing damn well I'm gonna be writing a 6th right afterward: Ok where did these other plotlines and ideas come from what the fuck brain

In short, F&S started as a small little project and now it's turned into my writing breakthrough that 2022 me would've thrown out the window in 2 seconds flat.

2023 me both questions how I got here and is proud asf that I got here

Thanks for whoever on Tumblr supports me on AO3

Anyways, AVM quote for the series:

Purple in book 1: Ok let me just stop my dad and not get anymore trauma than that.

Purple in book 5: IS THE TRAUMA OVER YET?!?

Me: No.

Purple: JUST KILL ME ALREADY

Me: The near death is one thing and I've already done that

Purple: WHY WASN'T IT PERMANENT!?!?

Me: Your my protagonist. You have plot armor.

Purple: Omg you actually believe in that.

Me: KING'S SEEN ENOUGH I CAN'T JUST DO THAT TO HIM-

(The reason Purple has somehow survived: Plot armor)

Series Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/3288039

[afreakingdork]

Happy Birthday! I bring many comments and a few concerns.

First of all, chapter 16? ABSOLUTE GOLD! I loved every bit of it. The parts that were supposed to be scary were effective and suspenseful, you actually had me worried for a good while. And that's saying something horror doesn't usually get to me, but this did.

I also love the way you wrote his concern and care afterwards, Donnie really deserves a hug for that. He may have messed up, overdoing it a bit with the psychological trauma, but I can tell he genuinely recognizes his mistakes.

As for concerns, I'm worried about reader a little bit. Considering they did not realize it was Donnie in the moment, and he sort of forced himself on them.... are they injured at all from this? I'm aware of the... physical logistics involved, and it's already a feat to take him, but if they weren't properly ready, there could be all sorts of problems internally. I just wanna know if they're going to be just fine, or if it's gonna be another recovery like the first time...

Once again, many well wishes, and happy birthday!!

-🎶

Music!!! Hello and THANK YOU!!! My questions, concerns, and comments are ALWAYS open!!

Ah! I'm so glad all the horror is doing its work as intended. I quite enjoy the genre and have a couple scripts! Maybe someday you'll see old Dork's name on a marquee!

I'm also overjoyed he came off as authentic! It can be a hard needle to thread, especially when reality was just bent, but above all else. He tried to have reader's safety in mind, but failed and that is a problem! Speaking of, this will perfectly fall into answering your concern, which I am going to put under a cut because it's just a tad graphic:

Since its established early in the chapter that reader's safety is his top priority (and because I'm a soft baby), reader's well being was mine as well! I'm all about realism and I thought long and hard about what would happen if this were taken into consideration while Don also loses control. During the scene, you'll note that when he starts to push in that reader feels how wet he is entering and makes a point to confirm that they are not wet at all. It's never explicitly stated, but my intent here was that this was a reference to lube. (Finally right? Mans been trying to get it out since chapter 9) Also, he barely starts to insert before reader retreats to the black and white rooms. I imagine the moment he started to stick it in is the same exact moment that reader completely left him. He immediately stopped right then and went through all the tasks of stripping down, blanketing reader up, anything to try to bring them back. Also later, when reader is examining themselves, even though the 'snake-like arms' were crawling all over their body, reader makes a note that there is no bruising.

tldr; reader is physically fine, but mentally damaged which we will explore going forward!

I hope this explanation makes sense and thank you for giving me an opportunity to speak on it!

This is an incredibly sensitive and real subject. I don't want to undermine anyone's traumatic experiences. Please keep yourselves safe!