#and focalin made me feel worst of all

[teobug]

oooh the med switching. is making me want to chew on nails. it is Not Good.

[understandingchaoss]

Hey! I was wondering what the names were of the medications that you take. Im having a hard time trying to find the right type of medications to help me and i know youve tried some, Thanks!

Hi anon. First of all, what works for one person, may not work for the other. Mental health medications are a serious matter and everyone’s brain reacts to them different. So in reality, the names of the medications that I take shouldn’t really be important, because there is a wide variety of medications. I’ve tried 11 different ones so far and haven’t even made a dent in all of the medications that are available. I currently take Wellbutrin, Latuda, and Mirtazapine. I am prescribed Lorazepam when needed for anxiety. 

I’m not sure if you know, but there are what they call different “families” of medications for mental illness. My suggestion, if you haven’t already, would be to try out different ones in different families, whether it be together or just one at a time. Most medications are designed to be taken together even if they aren’t of the same family. 

Just so that you don’t have to sit down and google it all, I’ll include stuff for you to reference from if you feel like it’s something you need to bring up with your mental health professional. Each medication I’m going to list will have the name brands in parenthesis, if it’s applicable, and there are always different variations and types of almost every single medication. Also, please remember that each medication is designed to treat something different. A lot of the time, you can treat an illness that it may not be specifically designed for. My psychiatrist always reminds me that you are treating the symptoms of the illness, not the diagnosis. So just because something is designed to treat schizophrenia or bipolar doesn’t mean you can’t use it to treat depression or anxiety. 

I will include which medications I have previously tried and whether or not I liked them, just to kind of give you an idea of how they might work in some people. But please do not base your judgement or decision off of that. This needs to be discussed with your mental health professional. The medications I’m going to list are also not every single medication available. There at least 20 in almost every single class or family, and some of them are almost irrelevant to list. But I’m hoping that what I do list will help you out.

Anitdepressants are a very broad family of medication, so sometimes I get a lot of my information mixed up, based on what I know. So anyone can feel free to correct me if I’m wrong on some of the classifications or families of these medications. Each classification has a family.

There are anywhere from 4 to 9 different types of classifications depending on the way you look at it and if you classify the ones not widely used in the United States to even be a classification. Two of which are very similar, as are their medications, so I will be listing it as one. The first, most common, are selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) which treat the lack of serotonin and include: Citalopram (Celexa), Escitalopram (Lexapro), Fluoxetine (Prozac, Rapiflux, Sarafem, Selfemra), Paroxetine (Paxil, Pexeva, Brisdelle), Sertraline (Zoloft). Out of those, I have tried Lexapro, Paxil, and Zoloft. I felt absolutely nothing on the Lexapro and the Paxil, so they didn’t help at all. I have awful results on Zoloft. I actually had cut myself for the first time while I was taking it. It also made my bad thoughts much more persistent. However, Zoloft is the most common medication used out of all of those.

Serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs) wich treat the lack of serotonin and norepinephrine and include:Desvenlafaxine (Pristiq, Desfax, Ellefore, Khedezla), Duloxetine (Effexor, Irenka), Milnacipran (Ixel, Jonicia, Savella), Levomilnacipran (Fetzima).I have not tried any of these.

Tricyclic/tetracyclic antidepressants (TSAs) are amongst the most recent developed antidepressants. They tend to have a lot more side effects, so they are not very common. They include:  Amitriptyline, Amoxapine, Desipramine (Norpramin), Doxepin, Imipramine (Tofranil), Nortriptyline (Pamelor), Protriptyline (Vivactil), Trimipramine (Surmontil), Mirtazapine (Remron). I currently take Mirtazapine and so far I like it. It's sedating, so it helps me sleep and it seems to be working well with my wellbutrin. 

Reversible inhibitor of monoamine oxidase A (RIMAs) are an interesting type of antidepressant. It’s a lot more for me to type out, so if you’re interested in how they work, I’d be happy to answer that in a separate question. These are not widely used in the United States though. They consist of: Brofaromine (Consonar), Caroxazone (Surodil, Timostenil), Eprobemide (Befol), Metralindole (Inkazan), Minaprine (Cantor), Moclobemide (Aurorix, Manerix), Pirlindole (Priazidol), Toloxatone (Humoryl). I have not tried any of these.

Monoamine oxidase inhibitors treat norepinephrine, serotonin, and dopamine. They consist of:Rasagiline (Azilect), Selegiline (Eldepryl, Zelapar), Isocarboxazid (Marplan), Phenelzine (Nardil), Tranylcypromine (Parnate). I have not tried any of these.

Serotonin antagonist and reuptake inhibitor (SARIs) act by antagonizing your serotonin receptions and inhibiting the reuptake of serotonin, norepinephrine, and sometimes dopamine. They include:Etoperidone (Axiomin, Etonin), Lorpiprazole (Normarex), Lubazodone, Mepiprazole (Psigodal), Nefazodone (Serzone, Nefadar), Trazodone (Desyrel). I have only tried Trazadone out of all of these. I didn’t really like it. It was prescribed for several things, one being sleep. And I felt like no matter how much I slept, I still felt sedated after waking up. I also showed no improvement mentally or emotionally, so my psychiatrist took me off of it.

Norepinephrine-dopamine reuptake inhibitors (NDRIs) target both norepinephrine and dopamine both by blocking the transporters for both, and instead increasing the chemicals in the brain for both. They consist of: Amineptine (Survector, Maneon, Directim), Bupropion, (Wellbutrin), Dexmethylphenidate (Focalin), Difemetorext (Cleofil), Ethylphenditate, Lefetamine (Santenol), Methylphenidate (Ritalin, Concerta, Meeadate, Methylin, Rubifen, Stimdate). I am currently on Wellbutrin, and have been since I was about 15 or 16. I really like it. I feel my energy boost throughout the day, especially since adding the Latuda. I feel like it keeps me pretty level. I do wish I could go up, from that level, if that makes sense. But other than that, I like the way it works.

The 3 most common families of antianxiety medications are:Clonazepam (Klonopin), Alprazolam (Niravam, Xanax), Lorazepam, (Ativan). I have only tried Lorazepam out of the 3, and so far I like it. I only take it when needed. It’s a tranquilizer, so low dosages are recommended. It makes me a little sleepy, depending on the level of my anxiety before I took it. I’ve taken it and haven’t felt tired at all on the days when my anxiety is the worst, so it just kind of depends. 

The 4 common families of stimulants (these increase alertness, attention, energy, and elevate blood pressure, heart rate, and respiration) are:Methylphenidate (Aptensio, Concerta, Metadate, Methylin, Quillichew, Quillivant, Ritalin), Amphetamine (Eveko, Dyanavel, Adzenys. When combined with dextroamphetamine, the brand name is known as Adderall), Dextroamphetamine (Dexampex, Dexedrine, DextroStat, Ferndex, LiquADD, ProCentra), Lisdexamfetamine Dimesylate (Vyvanse). I have not tried any of these medications.

The antipsychotic family is broad. The older or “first generation” antipsychotic medications are also called conventional “typical” antipsychotics or “neuroleptics.” The four families of the first generation antipsychotics are:Chlorpromazine (Promapar, Thorazine), Haloperidol (Haldol), Perphenazine (Trilafon, Duo-Vil, Etrafon, Triavil), Fluphenazine (Permitil, Prolixin). I have not tried any of these.

The newer or “second generation” medications include:Risperidone (Risperdal), Olanzapine (Symbyax), Quetiapine (Seroquel), Ziprasidone (Geodon), Aripiprazole (Abilify), Paliperidone (Invega), Lurasidone (Latuda). I actually took Seroquel for about 5 years and had fantastic results. It’s a sedative, and a heavy one at that. We used it to treat several things, and one of them was sleep. The best time during my recovery was while I was on Seroquel (I was also on Wellbutrin at the same time and the combination worked so well). But just like any other mental health medication, it stopped working after a while. I have awful results on Abilify. It’s supposed to give you energy, like an “upper,” but for some reason I reacted the complete opposite and would fall asleep standing up, sitting down, and couldn’t physically hold my body up. I’ve only been taking Latuda for about 3 weeks and so far I really like it. It’s been working well with my Wellbutrin and Mirtazapine. 

The 3 common families of mood stabilizers, which are used to treat bipolar, mood swings associated with other mental disorders, and in some cases, to augment the effect of other medications used to treat depression are:Carbamazepine (Carbatrol, Epitol, Equetro, Tegretol, Teril), Lamotrigine (Lamictal), Oxcarbazepine (Trileptal). I have not tried any of these.

Some mood stabilizers are sometimes classified as antipsychotic drugs, and some antipsychotic drugs are sometimes classified as mood stabilizers.

All of these probably only make up about half of the medications available. There are also medications that I have taken that I have not listed, just because they are not very common, nor is their classification or family. I have always been a firm believer in the fact that medications work for the right people. Do your research. I have never been able to stress that enough. Know what it is you’re taking and why you’re taking it. Look up its science and how the medication works inside of your body and brain. Talk with a mental health professional, if you don’t already have one. I do not recommend seeing only a medical doctor. If you would like more details on any of the things that I listed, feel free to ask and I can answer them as best as I can! Good luck!

[half-man-half-lime]

Self-Loathing, etc.

Sorry for the crazy long and personal post, but I’m immeasurably frustrated with myself and need an outlet. So I’mma vent and ramble a bunch, and just sort of hope that somebody who reads this has something helpful to say.

Fuck

So I’ve been wanting to make comics for, like, a long time, and somehow I never seem to be able to just sit down and fucking make them.

Like, I don’t know why I’m surprised the kid who got overwhelmed, shut down and went to bed at the very thought of doing a large project or even some basic homework ALL THROUGHOUT GRADE SCHOOL WITHOUT FAIL grew up to be someone who has trouble with any large and complicated project, let alone a comic that could potentially go on for ten years.

And look, I didn’t even KNOW I was on the Autism spectrum until like 2 or 3 years ago. I’ve gone to therapists and the like, but most of the time I don’t get any seriously helpful advice. (And let’s be real, any moderately helpful advice I get I probably either dismiss because I don’t expect it to help, don’t hear because of my ADD, get overwhelmed by when I try it, or promptly forget upon leaving the office) Mostly it’s the same ‘break tasks down’, etc. etc. stuff I’ve heard a million times anyway.

On top of that, I haven’t been able to take stimulants like Vyvanse, Focalin, Adderall, etc. ever since a couple years ago when I randomly started getting the shakes and other side effects that are uncomfortable and completely get in the way of working.

So I thought, okay, there’s gotta be workarounds, right?

For one thing, I was employed in a full-time job for a little over a year, and I can’t think of a single instance when I slept in on purpose so I didn’t have to go to work. I know how monumentally sad it is to say, but that’s big for me. I still had that problem in the part-time job I had before, that’s how sad it all is.

When I’d saved up enough money at this job, I bought a new computer that I could make comics on, but, surprise surprise, I was too burnt-out by the end of each work day to work on comics, and despite all attempts I couldn’t get myself into the habit of working on my comic either every day, or even just on weekends.

So I thought, hey, maybe the routine, the strict schedule and the designated location are part of what helped.

And that’s why I made it a goal to rent an art studio and start working part-time again, while working on my comic the other half of my time. That didn’t pan out, but in a connected circumstance a friend offered to rent an apartment with me, meaning I could finally move out of my parents’ house.

Still not sure if it was the right decision or not- I admit it’s a little freeing to not have to be religious, but that’s probably not enough of a benefit TBH. Plus it’s not like living on my own magically granted me social skills and I now go out with some big group of friends I somehow made or managed to get a girlfriend or anything. (you know who you are- don’t fucking get on my case about this, seriously I don’t want to hear a word about admitting I like girls or whatever. I don’t want to hear that shit on a good day.)

But the new environment at least meant I could sort of ‘bundle’ other changes in with the big one. I bought an even better computer and set it up in a literal closet of all things so that it could solely be designated as a Work Computer in a Working Space.

On top of that, due to circumstances that deserve an entire rant of their own, I recently lost that full-time job I was talking about. And even though that sucks, (and even though I have to find a new job AND dispute some bullshit false claims my employer made so I can get unemployment and don’t get turned down for every job I apply for,) it does mean I now have a whole mess of free time, and that means I can do COMICS! That’s right, this story idea I’ve been working on for like 3 years or something now can finally be put to paper and everyone can see how great it is and how cool I am or whatever!

Except not, of course.

I set an alarm, I’m getting up at the same time every day, I go to work, and it’s just. Nothing. I look at the work I have to do onscreen and just think ‘I can’t do this, I can’t do this, I can’t do this.’ I need to draw a crowd scene or a complicated contraption or whatever, and I just draw a blank. Like, a combination of just not wanting to do it, and not knowing how.

I’ll admit, I DID make a few improvements since I started working- listening to audiobooks and podcasts less, music more, and keeping my phone in the other room so I don’t end up playing MINDLESSLY ADDICTING MOBILE GAMES I’M STARTING TO HATE

But it’s not going anywhere. For the past few days it’s been like, 10 minutes of actual, literal drawing to, I dunno, 7 hours a day of playing Skyrim because I can’t even fucking bring myself to play a new video game anymore? (Seriously though, everyone’s saying the new Pokemon game is supposed to be amazing, and I’m still like an eighth of the way through, I shouldn’t be this bored by it! I KNOW it’s good!)

It’s hard to find a good way to describe the problem. Heck, it’s hard enough to get my thoughts in order enough to write all this. Do you know I skipped a Drink & Draw at a bar nearby to write this??? Before I decided that, it was just going to be a nap, because sleeping sounds better than going to a place full of people I know I mostly won’t be able to talk to while I stare at a blank sketchbook page or the notebook I’ve been thumbnailing and scripting my comic on and just not knowing what to draw.

*ahem*, Anyway

I’ve read stuff about Autistic Inertia and the like. It’s my favorite go-to name for the problem, but I’m not sure how close it actually is. I’ve googled the term recently, and I saw some relatable stuff, but there was other stuff people said about not being able to talk except fuck, I just realized around like 4th grade, along with my parents being unable to get me up, there were times I just didn’t want to talk, like it would ruin my resting experience to use my vocal cords. Maybe that’s an inertia thing because I had spent so many hours asleep not talking? Anyway, I’m not sure.

Frankly, I don’t know how much I even care about what the label is except to the end that it helps me figure out a solution. I don’t even give a fuck if this is all technically my fault and I’m just lazy, or have learned helplessness, and that’s it. Does anyone know how to magically make yourself not lazy? It’s a paradox, where can you get the motivation to change and make yourself motivated?

Like I’ve said before, this has been a problem for as long as I've had anything resembling a responsibility in life. I have a large task, and it’s just... I see it and my thoughts fizzle out. Like, some kind of mental block.

The best way I’ve figured out how to describe it is like trying to live in a cluttered basement full of useless junk. From the start, it’s this huge enormous mess, and you have to wonder ‘where do I begin?’ But it’s not like there’s an instruction manual for sorting garbage. It’s easier to just sit down and do nothing some of the time. Try and walk around, and you’ll only find yourself tripping and falling over, or being unable to wade through it all because it’s too deep and shit is too cluttered and heavy to move around. It’s like an antlion pit, where trying to climb out just results in everything crumbling and you falling back in.

And say you want to do something more complicated. You’ve got to build something better to work with, right? But imagine how difficult it is to build a couch or a shelf or whatever out of random scraps of garbage, while ALSO trying not to trip and fall over yourself. It’s mentally tiring to figure it out, it’s physically tiring to put it all together. And the worst part of that is the same antlion thing, where if you fuck up then the paths you’ve worn will get flooded with garbage, or the things you’ve built will fall apart.

I don’t know if that metaphor makes sense, I hope it does.

This is all hard to describe. It’s made things difficult, too.

Like, the ENTIRE reason I haven’t gone to college is because of this shit. Whenever I want to feel sorry for myself I’ll think ‘I got into SCAD for God’s sake, how did I end up like this?!’

The fact is, I couldn’t get all my work done in the community college art classes I took JUST TO TEST THE FUCKING WATERS. I avoided any homework I had to do like the plague, and I burned out of a 4-hour drawing class after maybe a single hour.

I still remember when my art teacher told me I was doing something wrong, and asked me to start over, and that was it. I was just done, I couldn’t even imagine devoting the mental energy to doing all that work again, but somehow doing it right, whatever that meant. So I just stood there by the easel for a couple hours until the teacher called me into his office to lecture me/try and figure out what was wrong, and I was too choked up to even speak.

So I don’t know what good can come from posting this rant. Maybe somebody can give me answers? If not then at least I’m venting, I guess.

Excuse me. *ahem*

FUCK

FUCK

FUCK FUCK FUCK

I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MYSELF I HATE EVERYTHING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

?

[adhdofficial]

By the way!!! Everyone! Make sure you aren't accidentally being overmedicated! I had a dosage of Focalin that was too high for me for about 2 years and those were probably the worst years of my life and I didn't even know WHY. It made me start to even feel depressed. So PLEASE make sure to discuss with your doctor ALL possible side effects so you can be your happiest you!

!