#and franky is just so supportive and sweet to them it's insane

[beanghostprincess]

How bad do you think Franky's abandonment issues are? Do you think he spent the first few months he was with Tom terrified that he was going to do something wrong and Tom was going to abandon him like his parents did?

What happened to hello 😭 This is so painful all of a sudden out of nowhere-- But I love angst so I kind of appreciate it, ngl.

I do think Franky has pretty bad abandonment issues and also pretty awful self-esteem and guilt inside him. But he is also a person who has been able to build a reputation and a family on his own surrounded by people who actually do care about him despite everything, and he is pretty damn independent in that field.

But now (especially after Sabaody) even if the strawhats are strong, there is always this fear of losing them. All of the crew shares this feeling but Franky is after all one of the most emotional (despite his rational thinking, these things can go hand in hand) and cherishes family bonds like nobody. So of course he fears they're going to leave at some point because he lived all of his childhood believing the same thing and blaming himself.

Franky has people to rely on now, more than ever. Robin understands what it feels like to be left out and seen as a monster and Franky teaches her that no matter what, her existence could never be wrong. His bond with Usopp is just-- Perfect and I still believe he feels guilty for what happened between them at first but now it's just them being genuinely close. I'd like to see more of him and Sanji, too, especially after the Wano thing. And in general, Franky has close bonds with everybody around him and it's noticeable because he is a family man and because I feel he does this to make everybody feel included and loved. He makes his fear of being abandoned a strength, because this way he understands others better and makes them all feel part of the family.

So to answer this, yes, I think his abandonment issues are pretty damn bad but he learns to be (and makes him feel better) the one supporting and helping others instead. Franky is a after all a very protective person when it comes to the people he loves and now I feel like his only fear is them being taken away from him rather than him being abandoned by them. But feelings are not rational so Franky wondering and asking Robin (because they're married. I swear. I saw it) if they're going to leave him in a vulnerable moment is pretty plausible. I think it'd take a while before he opens up like that, though, because I feel he doesn't want to be a burden and prefers to be the one comforting others. But !!!!!!! I agree.

[starsandhughes]

Penalty Box Series— Trevor Zegras Edition (Six)

23-24 Season Masterlist

previous: five

next: seven

OCTOBER 28, 2023

these have been short lately i’m so sorry

yourusername

liked by trevorzegras, leocarlssoon, and 15,688 others

yourusername welcome back to my postgame penalty box update show: MY BABY DADDY SCORED HIS FIRST GOAL OF THE SEASON EDITION!

tonight, my duckies won 7-4 against the flyers! coincidentally, the only time the ducks scored 7 goals last season was also in a 7-4 win where trevor scored and stromer assisted on it! isn't that fun? yay stats! that's my mans and my hero!

you'll notice that i put 0.5 as the penalty count, and that's because z sat for a too many men bench penalty, which don't count towards his personal minutes, but he was still in the box!

and our son! he's taking after his father with his second penalty of the season! i’m so proud of you, leo! i love you! we love criminals in the zegras-hughes family <3

i’m so proud of you guys! you're 3-0 on the roadie so far, with one more game to go! this is your season, boys! i love you!

my love, i’m so incredibly happy for you, and beyond proud! here's to the first of many! (i chugged my drink when he scored to celebrate btw so if you're currently drinking— chug! chug! chug! chug!) i love you, always, sweet boy🧡

p.s. FRANKY TANKY! MY BOY! CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR SECOND HATTY! YOU AND AUSTON PAPI MATTHEWS ARE NOW THE ONLY TWO IN THE NHL WITH TWO HATTIES! IT'S YOUR YEAR, BESTIE! I'M SO PROUD OF YOU! I LOVE YOU! MWAH!

p.s.s. coachy cro, never stop sending z in as the default criminal! it brings me immense joy!

tagged trevorzegras and leocarlssoon

view all 139 comments

trevorzegras i love that you love stats, my precious little weirdo! i wouldn't know my accomplishments without you telling me them🧡 i love you, forever

yourusername y/n "sissy" soon to be zegras-hughes: professional event planner, professional nerd, professional fiancé supporter

trevorzegras damn right

lhughes_06 JUST fiancé supporter?

jackhughes sissy, your brothers exit

colecaufield sissy, your friends exist

yourusername @/lhughes_06 @/jackhughes @.colecaufield i’m an amateur supporter of the rest of you <3

jamie.drysdale you two are bad influences on your son

yourusername YOU TAKE THAT BACK, DRYSDALE! HE CAME THIS WAY AND WE LOVE HIM!

trevorzegras we're trying our best!

leocarlssoon i take offense to this

yourusername SEE! YOU BROKE THE BABY! YOU BUMBLE FUCK BITCH!

jamie.drysdale @/yourusername okay okay i’m sorry! you're doing great! you'll be a great mom to your twins! i didn't mean it!

jackhughes @/yourusername does this mean i’m your favorite ex husband?

yourusername @/jackhughes no <3

user59 when sissy says chug, you chug!

frank_vatrano thanks, y/n/n! i love you, too! your new hat trick medals are definitely a plus

yourusername ya girl has a big brain!!

frank_vatrano she does😂

maxjones98 @/yourusername how much stuff for goodie bags and awards do you actually have on hand right now?

yourusername @/maxjones98 a lot! i have so much faith in my duckies! and my other boys!

trevorzegras @/maxjones89 her craft room has a bookshelf full of the stuff she includes with drawers labeled individually for all of us

frank_vatrano @/trevorzegras doesn't she also give bags to canucks, devils, and habs when we play them?

trevorzegras @/frank_vatrano it's a huge bookshelf

jamie.drysdale @/trevorzegras don't forget the stack of boxes to mail first goal trophies and personal record awards

trevorzegras @/frank_vatrano what he said

maxjones98 @/trevorzegras your girl is so amazingly sweet it's insane

yourusername @/maxjones98 JONESEY! YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME CRY!

user40 the ducks?? on a win streak?? somebody made a deal with a god

_quinnhughes i think z should be at -1

yourusername 2 minute penalty for being a rude head. go sit in your bathtub.

trevorzegras you heard my baby mama! go!

_quinnhughes @/trevorzegras @/yourusername STOP WITH THE BABY DADDY AND MAMA

trevorzegras @_quinnhughes NO

yourusername MAKE ME

_quinnhughes oh dear god

user6 sissy and z are gonna make quinn go grey at 24😭

leocarlssoon i love you too mom😂

yourusername you're swimming so well!! you're such a good duckling!!!

leocarlssoon i try

yourusername you're succeeding!

user61 z pulled a quinn after he scored fr

colecaufield @/trevorzegras THAT'S MY MAN!

trevorzegras PLAY INSANE IN THE BRAIN!

yourusername his goal song might be by vanilla ice, but my mans is not vanilla

colecaufield @/yourusername why? just why?

jackhughes MY EYES

lhughes_06 AHHHH

trevorzegras @/yourusername ;)

_quinnhughes @/yourusername MINORS! THERE COULD BE MINORS READING THIS!

jamie.drysdale this is why i moved

yourusername @/jamie.drysdale stfu no it's not

colecaufield @/jamie.drysdale you were a tough soldier

user75 sissy gives no fucks about a digital footprint oh my god

_alexturcotte our boy is giving the rockettes a run for their money

yourusername his true dream is to be a vegas show girl

_alexturcotte shame he had to settle for hockey

yourusername truly

trevorzegras @/yourusername you're my new dream

yourusername @/trevorzegras that's sweet but we were teasing you and you ruined it

_alextucotte @/trevorzegras MOMENT RUINER

trevorzegras i can't win

jackhughes @/trevorzegras about time! that's my boy!

trevorzegras got these flashing lights on me🚨

yourusername that... i think made sense... i might have cracked the hockey boy code with this one!

jackhughes @/yourusername big brain

trevorzegras @/yourusername that's my girl!

[base0h]

Hello,

Heard you’re looking for ideas so…

Here’s a crack one: The Straw hats working in a department store

Would they become employee of the month? Would they be fired immediately?

a/n - IM WHEEZING AT THIS— you are GENIUS bro holy crap 😭🫶 dude luffy would get fired so fast it’s insane— and imma just add everyone bc why not 😂

Warnings ⚠️ - MAJOR crack, multiple characters, I’m kinda dumb and might’ve forgotten people

they didn’t even make it past the interview 💀

.✩ kidd (tried killing the interviewer for asking him why he wanted to work there “I really am passionate about restocking— MF IM BROKE.”), buggy, bonney, paulie (did the same thing as kidd plus he parked in the manager’s parking spot)

literally within the first few seconds of the interview they’re hired | “My name is—“ “Can you start within the next few seconds?”

.✩ jimbei, koby, sabo, koala, izou, kaku, vivi

got fired the same day they started

.✩ luffy (ate the entire produce section and then asked the manager “is there more stuff in the back?”), corazon (he accidentally burnt the place down 😀), sanji (confessed his love and asked several female customers to marry him at his cash register), brook (asked for some poor random woman’s underwear 💀)

employee of the month every single month

.✩ jimbei, koby (old people always say how sweet he is to the manager bc he always helps them get the things they can’t reach 😭🫶), tashigi (kids hate her bc she catches them and scolds them if they take an extra candy/sticker from the cashier jar), vivi (accidentally gave herself this title when she’s the manager 💀)

the manager of the store

.✩ nami (steals money from the safe sometimes), aokiji (he literally never shows up to work on time and doesn’t give a shit what the employees do), akainu, fujitora, shanks (bro also does not care and comes to work hungover), dragon (has not shown up once since the interview), sengoku, garp, dadan, vivi, magellan

the sale sign flipper guy

.✩ zoro (if he manages to actually find his way to the store), bepo, ace, shachi, penguin, queen (you legit can’t miss him as you’re driving by 💀), yamato, oden, cat viper, bon clay, ivankov

they work solely in the back to avoid human interaction as much as possible

.✩ mihawk, law, smoker (he’s the guy that mans the big crane machine that moves huge boxes), hawkins, king, katakuri, smoker, lucci

they’re the CEOs of companies that are partners with the store and provide goods for the store to sell

.✩ crocodile (provides gut/immune supporting, healthy, all organic animal/pet food), doflamingo, kaido, big mom, whitebeard, moria (sells and produces copious amounts of Halloween costumes and other decorations)

actually decent employees

.✩ usopp, benn, x drake, robin, nojiko, baby 5, monet, vergo, franky, icebarg, bellamy (SHADOW FROM SK8 PLS TELL ME YALL SEE IT), hachi, killer

they start tweaking because they asked a customer how they were and they ignored them

.✩ shirahoshi (sobbing), bepo, sanji (asked a girl who had her headphones on), Uta (will get so pressed that they ignored her when in reality they just had headphones on)

they’re the reason why the store’s still in business | they’re basically the mascot

.✩ chopper, bepo, carrot, cat viper, dog storm

the dude everyone goes to for questions/help | “Idk go ask ___”

.✩ franky (has beef with cash register 4 bc it stops working for no reason only during his lunch break and never when he’s not doing anything), icebarg, kaku, usopp, lucci, jack, king, robin, jimbei

they’re the reason why no one likes to shop there | they have several weird allegations or felonies of some sort

.✩ trebol, caesar, diamante, dellinger, pica (he drives this mini car and always somehow fits inside it and takes up two spots in the parking lot), absalom, hogback (people have gone missing in the parking lot it’s scary), moria (would you wanna shop if you saw bro? Ik I wouldn’t 😭)

jobless for life ✌️

.✩ rayleigh (he slays idc), roger, yasopp

a/n - I think i forgot people but eh 💀 the one piece brainrot is so back 🙏

[aliwritesfic]

First Date (Frankie “Catfish” Morales x F!Reader)

Summary: Frankie only downloaded Tinder after Santi basically forced him to one night, and he never expected to actually meet anyone on there.

Word count: 2.4k

Content warnings: Oral (F receiving), P in V, age gap, online dating, condom used

(I haven’t written creatively in almost 7 years so if this is a waste of time I apologise, also tagging @absurdthirst because i sent them an anon last night about being nervous to post this lmao)

Frankie looked at your photo again and rubbed the back of his neck anxiously. He wasn’t used to this whole online dating thing, and he certainly hadn’t expected to meet anyone on it. Pope swore by it for one-night stands and fuck buddies, and practically forced him to download the app and create a profile while they were all at their favourite bar and Benny had gone home with some girl. He’d swiped right on only a few people and made even less matches. Any conversations he’d had on there fizzled out after a few hours after telling them he didn’t have Snapchat, or Facebook, or Twitter, or anything else like that.

Then he’d matched with you.

Your profile was simple – a couple selfies, a photo on a hike with a beautiful staffy, and a group shot on a night out. Your bio was short and sweet – criminal justice and community welfare student, intersectional feminist, nerd. Lover of cheesy one liners and bad jokes.

Frankie had swiped right almost immediately. The only thing that gave him pause was the age gap – twelve years between you. There were bigger gaps, of course, but he’d never dated anyone more than two years younger.

“You’re both grown adults,” Pope said looking over his shoulder, “what the fuck are you waiting for?”

So, with that, Frankie swiped right and was instantly greeted with a match. His stomach jumped again as you sent the first message, a simple but effective ‘hey, what do teachers and ancient history have in common? They both Babylon!’

You both chatted for a few more days before Frankie decided enough was enough. He asked you out for dinner and drinks at a local sushi place that had recently opened. He felt ill as he waited for your reply, wondering if it was too soon. It was almost an hour later that you replied ‘YES! How’s fri at 8:30 sound?’

It was a date. His first in over a year. The boys had come over to help him get ready, feeling like he was in high school all over again.

Frankie stood outside the restaurant, wishing he hadn’t left his cap in the truck, or at least wishing he’d picked somewhere that didn’t seem like it had an unwritten dress code. But he’d wanted to impress, and the reviews of this place had been positive.

Taking a deep breath, he stepped inside and moved towards the hostess. “Table for two, under Morales.”

“Right this way sir,” the hostess smiled at him and led him towards a table near the back, and Christ you were already there.

You were even more beautiful in person, in a tight dark dress, heels and a denim jacket thrown over the back of your chair. You were reading the menu, a small frown on your face as you squinted at it. You didn’t even notice him approach until he was standing right next to you. When you looked up, your mouth transforming into a grin, his heart skipped a beat.

“Frankie?” You said, your name sounding like heaven on your lips. Frankie sat down opposite you, his palms suddenly sweaty.

“Hey,” he went to say your name and you cut him off with a wave of your hand.

“Please, everyone I like calls me Sunny,” you grinned at him and he knew exactly why.

“Well, Sunny,” Frankie felt himself grin back at you, “it’s nice to finally meet you properly.”

“I’ve been so nervous all day,” you admitted, “but a good nervous, like nervous excited. I was supposed to be making notes on one of my lectures today, but I couldn’t stop thinking about this date. It’s been so long since I’ve been on one, I just stressed myself out about it all day.”

“Well, that makes two of us,” Frankie laughed, relieved to know that the insanely beautiful woman in front of him was just as out of sorts as he was. He was beginning to feel more at ease with you already, something he hadn’t felt with someone new in a long while.

The waitress arrived then, beaming down at you as she asked if you were ready to order. Frankie ordered a plate of sashimi and a spicy crab roll, while you got a veggie roll, and you both ordered a shot of soju.

“Don’t like fish?”

You shrugged, “I’m allergic, not like deathly or anything but I get a rash and a really bad stomach ache. It sucked when I was travelling through Asia a few years ago.”

Frankie frowned, instantly regretting even suggesting the restaurant in the first place. “We can go somewhere else if you like,” he suggested, ready to do anything he could to make this a perfect first date.

“Oh god, no!” You smiled and Frankie’s stomach jumped. “I’ve been wanting to come here for a while now, so when you suggested it, of course I was gonna say yes.”

Frankie felt a little relieved at that, and you two talked for a while, waiting for your meals. He found out your dog was called Lola, you loved old music, and you were a disability support worker before your close cousin went to prison and you decided to enrol in university to study criminal justice. You found out he was a pilot, ex-military and he loved classic lit.

You continued to talk through your meal and several more drinks. He was beginning to deeply enjoy the sound of your voice, your laugh. You made him feel like you two were the only people in the room, everyone else was insignificant.

Eventually though, you both felt it was time to give up your table to someone actually paying. You tried to pay for your own meal and drinks, but Frankie insisted on paying. You both walked outside into the chilly night air, and Frankie couldn’t help but admire how beautiful you were even under the streetlights. You cleared your throat and Frankie noticed a blush creeping up your cheeks.

“I uh, I don’t really want this night to end, do you?” you asked. Frankie decided to do what he could feel himself wanting to do all night.

He stepped forward, closing the gap between you as he cupped your soft cheeks in his rough, calloused hands and kissed you. Your reaction was almost immediate, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and running your fingers through his hair, pressing your bodies together. Your tongue darted along his bottom lip and he instantly granted you access, his own tongue sliding into your mouth. He wanted you. Desperately.

“Do you want to come back to mine,” Frankie asked, his hands slid down to your waist, he kissed along your neck, feeling your pulse flutter under his lips. You moaned softly as his mouth found your collarbone.

“Yes,” you whispered, “god yes.”

He kissed you again, before breaking away to lead you back to his truck.

“How far?” you asked.

“Five minutes,” Frankie said, resting his hand on your upper thigh where the hem of your dress ended. He felt himself tighten in his jeans as he thought about what he wanted to do to you. He driver faster than necessary, turning the journey into a quick three minutes. Once the truck was off you didn’t waste a moment, pulling yourself onto his lap, straddling him between your thighs. Your lips met his frantically, like you were both starving for each other.

Frankie’s hardness pressed against his jeans as you ground against him. He kissed down along your neck and jaw, relishing in your soft moans. One hand stayed planted firmly on your ass, the other snaked up your body to your breasts, pulling your dress down to expose them. You weren’t wearing a bra, and the sight of your breasts in the silver moonlight was irresistible. Frankie’s lips kissed a path down your neck to your collarbone, down further still until he had a hard nipple in his mouth. His tongue flicked over it gently, while his hand played with the other, rolling it around between his finger.

“Frankie,” you moaned, arching your back to give him better access. “Fuck.”

“You like that baby?” he whispered looking up at you. You whimpered in response as the hand on your breast moved down your body toward your thighs.

“Please,” you spread your legs a little further for him, and his fingers began to massage your clit though your soaking underwear. Frankie’s tongue continued to work at your nipple licking and sucking while you cried out in pleasure.

His fingers teased the outside of your entrance, his thumb working your clit in methodical circles.

“Cum for me,” he murmured, his voice husky. You moaned in response, unable to form any words as his fingers slid easily inside of you. Frankie watched your face as he fingered you, his own cock straining against his jeans. God he wanted to fuck you, but not until you’d already cum for him.

Frankie moved his thumb in faster circles and you began to fall apart. You clenched around his fingers, crying out as your body shook with your orgasm. He moved his mouth up to kiss you, whispering between kisses.

“Fuck you’re so sexy,” he groaned.

“We need to go inside,” you panted, your body still trembling slightly. Frankie couldn’t agree more, fumbling with the door of his truck, then his house keys. The moment the door was open you were on him, pulling his jacket off his shoulders, unzipping his jeans. Your bodies moved together in the direction of the kitchen, knocking something down in the process.

Frankie moaned into your mouth as your hands glided up his torso under his shirt. He pressed you against the counter and lifted you up, yanking your dress down to your ankles in the process.

“I want to taste you,” he whispered in your ear, “do you want that?”

“Yes, Frankie, please,” you begged, desperate for him to touch you. He grinned slyly as he crouched down slightly in front of you and spread your legs. The sight of your underwear, drenched with desire, made his mouth water.

Frankie didn’t want to waste a single moment more. With one quick move he slid your underwear down your legs and was working your clit with his tongue. Two fingers moved inside of you and quirked in a come-hither motion.

Your whine of pleasure spurred him on, his tongue massaging your clit expertly. Frankie wanted to tell you how good you tasted, how sexy you sounded, but he didn’t want to waste a moment that could be spent pleasuring you.

“Frankie!” you gasped, your back arching. Your thighs pressed into the side of his head and he moved faster, harder, cock aching with the need to be inside you.

“Frankie, I’m gonna-“ your words were cut short by your orgasm, this one somehow more intense than the one in his truck. Frankie looked up at your face as you came, mouth never leaving your sweet wetness. Your head hung back, moans the only sound you’re able to make. Licking his lips, Frankie stood and cupped the back of your head gently, lifting it so he can look in your eyes. He doesn’t know what he’s done to deserve someone as beautiful as you come home with him, but he wants to make certain it’s worth your while.

He leant down and whispered your name, the sound sweet on his lips. You sat up and kissed him gently, tasting yourself on him.

“Where’s your bed?” you murmured and Frankie smiled against you. Without another word he picked you up easily, wrapping your legs around his waist and carried you to his room, laying you gently on the bed. You looked beautiful, naked in the moonlight, staring up at him with desire.

Frankie discarded the rest of his clothes and climbed onto the bed so he’s hovering over you. His fingers traced soft circles on your waist.

“Are you sure you want to?” he asked

“I need you in me,” you reached up and pulled him closer, “I need you.”

Frankie reached over to his dresser and grabbed a condom, saying a silent thanks to his past self for buying them, and fitted it onto his shaft. Then he couldn’t wait a moment longer.

He lined himself up at your slick entrance, and slowly, gently, not wanting to hurt you with his larger than average size. You whimpered slightly as he pulled out, bucking your hips to stay closer to him.

Fuck you felt so good, you tight walls clenching slightly with each thrust. His thrusts became harder, slamming into you as his own ecstasy built. He moaned your name as you held onto his biceps, nails digging into his warm sweaty skin.

He didn’t know how much longer he could hold off on his own release, and with you looking at him they way you were, you made it almost impossible to hold back. But no, he wouldn’t. Not until you came a third time for him. He needed to feel you cum with his cock inside you.

Frankie moved his hand so it was between you both, and began to massage your slick, swollen clit. You cried out and clenched his biceps harder, and he felt the moment you couldn’t hold yourself back any longer, your walls tightening around his cock, coating it with your pleasure.

“Cum, Frankie,” you whispered in his ear, and god he wanted to. Frankie grunted as he finally couldn’t hold back any longer. Pleasure flushed through his body as he came to the sound of you moaning his name. In that moment, the only tangible things were his orgasm, the feel of you and your voice. It was a few moments before his thoughts became coherent again. He had never experienced pleasure like that with any other woman.

Reluctantly, he pulled out of you, noticing a bead of sweat that had formed between your breasts. Your eyes were half closed, but you watched him as he discarded the condom into a wastebasket, grabbed a box of tissues and with a touch gentler than he thought possible for him, began to clean up between your legs.

“You’re amazing,” he murmured. “Do you know how amazing you are?”

You giggled softly, sitting up to kiss him. “You’re the one who made me cum three times. Most guys can’t even manage once.”

Frankie stroked your cheek, his forehead pressed against yours, deciding in that moment you were someone he did not want to let go of. “Wanna stay the night?”

“Fuck yes.”

[tangled-the-series-forever]

I got to talk with Eden Espinosa!!! 😍😍😍

Calling all Cass stans like myself who have found themselves completely enamored with Cass’ voice actress, Eden Espinosa!

I had the complete honor and privilege to talk with her during a virtual meet and greet as an early Christmas present from my mom (my Momma’s the best ya’ll, I love her so much cause she gets me). Anyways, there’s so much we talked about and I just fangirled the entire time. Here are some things I learned that might be of interest:

Eden did not consciously reference Taylor Swift’s Reputation album while creating her own Revelation album (I had to ask because there are so many similarities, some of which involve the titles, the black-and-white cover art, and the “strong woman vibes” I get from both albums)

Eden has always enjoyed doing things by herself (we both relate to being introverts and needing alone time while still caring about family and friends)

she became a fan of Taylor’s music by going to a concert during the Red era as a way of supporting her friends Kamilah and Melanie (they can be seen in the Reputation tour film that came out on Netflix a couple years back). She said she fell in love with the songs, production, etc. and just really appreciates Taylor’s artistry. Also, she listened to the Red album for like a whole month afterwards, which I thought was amazing 🥰 She mentioned feeling like Taylor doesn’t get enough credit for the incredible businesswoman she is, and I wholeheartedly agreed

Reputation is her favorite Taylor Swift album, although she seems to love all of them as much as I do

Eden was just as surprised about folklore and evermore being dropped this year (I mentioned how I absolutely loved folklore and that I’ve listened to evermore and want to like it, but I don’t feel ready to move into that era quite yet. Eden was such a sweetheart and reminded me that the album will still be there when I’m ready for it (😉) and to take my time)

she has a stuffed animal pal named Frankie who has helped her through some hard times (her living dog Owen died in the past year or so, so that broke my heart 😔)

So basically a lot of it was me stanning Taylor and Eden while somehow simultaneously fangirling over both 😂😂 I still can’t believe all this really happened. Somehow pinch me because I’m in shock 🥰🥰😁🤩🤩

Last but not least, here are the pics she so kindly agreed to take when I suggested a photo op (in the true style of Game Night).

If you ever get the chance to have this opportunity for yourself, I highly recommend it. Eden is such a beautiful human being and I love her with all my heart. She is so sweet and kind, and I just cannot find enough lovely things to say about her (I told her so myself 😅). This made my night and year; I’m extremely thankful for this dream come true and will cherish these memories for decades to come. Please feel free to visit the link below and check out some of Eden’s merch. Her Revelation album and related stuff is on sale so that’s exciting! 🤩

I am in no way sponsored to say any of this, by the way. It’s just my humble duty as a fan of this insanely talented woman who has inspired and encouraged me so much through her music (in and outside of Broadway) ❤️❤️

[ohtheseboysilove]

Insanely yours III/III [Ben Hardy x F!Reader]

Words : 3,400 K +

Warnings :angsty angst my friends, language, ugly crying

Summary : Ben is being weird. You found the reason when you come back home earlier than expected.

Note : Shit I’m super excited for this chapter, so it would be the last part I will do a epilogue, I already have few ideas in mind for it...Please don’t hate for the ending and instead answered the question at the bottom of the chapter lovie ;) And please, keep on mind, break-up is painful and reader was very in love with our Benny boy so yeah it’s hard for her !

Masterlist & Requests

! EPILOGUE IS COMING ASAP !

@/ none of these gifs are mine!

The first three weeks after the break-up, you didn’t hear a word from Ben. You didn’t know if you were satisfied or sad about it. No matter how much he hurt you and how deeply you wanted to erase him from your mind, he had been the most important person in you life during the last four years, getting over him would take time, unfortunately. A tiny part of you even wished for him to come back and begged you to forgive him and let him come home. You knew you would, the sadness was so much more painful than the anger, you would forgive him in a heartbeat if it could stop the ache in your heart.

He finally texted a morning asking when he could come to grab the rest of his affairs. The ones you didn’t threw by the window. You hid in the guest room with Lennon all the time he was around. When he left he asked to take Frankie with him.

“I’m sorry” He murmured as you gave him the bag you had prepare for him with Frankie’ stuffs inside. Her favourite toy to chew. Her sparkling pink leash. This awful Santa Claus’ hat Ben insisted to buy her.  All of her stuffs were gone. As well as Ben’s. You only kept the blanket where she loved to nap, her scent still on it. And you did the same with Ben’s X-men tee-shirt. For the exact same reason. He asked you about it and you said you didn’t know where his clothe was, he saw the lie in your eyes but he didn’t insist.

You hugged Frankie tightly during five good minutes and Ben did the same with Lennon before they definitively left the house. Once again this night you fell asleep crying and curled up on the sofa. The only difference this time was Lennon crying too, wondering why you were both alone. She hated it as much as you did.

 Two months after the break-up

Months were long and slow. Painfully empty. You asked your boss for shorter shifts at work, you were earning less money but it was enough for the small flat you found for you and Lennon. You renounced to go back to your parent’s, you could barely supported the sadness of your mom’s voice thought the phone. Your friends were wondering when you will come back around, you only told them that you and Ben decided to take separated ways. They were all shocked, gushing about how perfect you were together. You thought the same but like them, you were wrong.

Life wasn’t treating you very good. You were exhausted all the time, everything made you think about Ben and you couldn’t do anything about it.

This stupid advert on the t.v about this new barbecue that Ben wanted to buy for months ? Yep you cried and hid it in the corner of the garden where you couldn’t see it.

Lennon’ sad face and low ears as she waited patiently for Ben and Frankie to come home ? You cried yourself asleep next to her, apologising for her pain.

The phone call to your cousin where you had to tell her you would come alone at her wedding ? Awful. Humiliating. Heart broken.

You and Ben’s favourite song playing in the supermarket when you were about to pay ? How honey, you looked like a racoon and worried to death that poor cashier.

You stopped wearing makeup after this incident.

Joe’s instagram post where Ben and him were chilling in Brighton, wide smile and beer in hand ? Like a punch right in your gut.

The little comment that Joe added under the picture few days after and you noticed because you looked at this picture fifty times everyday ? Picture by the sweet @VirginiaMorrison xx…

You didn’t eat for two whole days.

And you could go on forever with the examples but the worst time was probably when your sister and her little family came see your new place even if you didn’t want to, she insisted. James want to see her favourite auntie! She said.

James was two years and half, blond like his mother and get the big greenish eyes of his father. Yes, could have been Ben’ son. You had kept yourself together for thirty minutes before you hid in the bathroom, sobbing uncontrollably as the thought of this baby that you and Ben would never have together. And oh honey, you cried so much this day, mourning all the life you were supposed to have with Ben. His warm hand gently rubbed against you growing tummy, you imagined this scene so many time. But even imagined wasn’t possible anymore, he took you that away and the only thing you would see now was Ben’s warm hand on Virginia’s growing tummy. She could dream about it but you, you weren’t allow anymore.

Four months after the break-up

You weren’t in better shape than the first day of your newest single life. You lost too much weight for you own taste and fought with your demons everyday.

You can do it. You can be happy without Ben. You did it before he entered your life. You can– no, you will do it again In your own time, slowly but surely.

You started thinking a tiny bit less about Ben, giving your heart some healing time during the day. The nights were the worst, you were so use to fall asleep in his arms, embalming with his scent and sleepy voice. You still slept on the sofa, the guest bed was too large, too cold and to foreign to rest on it.

You didn’t stop stalking him on Instagram, you forced yourself to do it only once a day, you would come back from work in the evening. You were a bit obsess but honestly you needed to know what he was doing. Where he was. And with who. He didn’t post a lot, just some silly picture of him and the borhap boys, or from his new photo shoots. Nothing else. Virginia where nowhere to be seen, thankfully. She was probably still around but the last thing you needed right now was of fluffy picture of your ex and his new girl. Could seriously kicked in your healing process.

But you did, finally, deleted all the thousand of pictures of you and Ben on your phone. And on your laptop. Alright, you maybe kept one or two, but only your favourites and it was already a big step for you.

Surprisingly, Ben texted you one day. Can I call you, please ? It’s important. You had delete his number in your phone but your brain didn’t, sadly. You ere dying to hear his voice again, for real, not just on the video YouTube you watched few times...But, proudly you just told him to fuck off and swore to yourself to not replied to him. You were done with this asshole. And you meant it. But then the next text came up : It’s about Frankie, please (Y/N).

You called him the very next second, completely freaking out about what had happen to your sweet dog. Well nothing happened to Frankie. Except that her dad fell for a real bitch. Ben was full of shame, you could hear it through the phone. He asked you if you could take his dog back at your place. Couldn’t keep it because Virginia was allergic. He hesitated a second before saying that and you knew he was lying about, she wasn’t allergic but more probably didn’t want hairs’ dog and mud in her flat. And Ben accepted it, you couldn’t believe it. He was ready to give up on his dog who he got more than five years ago for this girl he knew for what ? Less than a year ? Fucking coward.

He came to your place the very next day, his face devoured by the remorse. His eyes were watering dangerously when you opened the door, you ignored him and greeted cheerfully Frankie. Lennon, on the other hand, jumped toward Ben, completely hysterical to see her dad and sister after so long. That when he started crying, silently and shamefully.

“Thank you for doing that (Y/N)” He said with a broken voice.

“Don’t thank me, I’m doing that for Frankie, not you. You don’t deserved her anymore.” Your tone was so cold, both of Ben and you were surprised but you were proud. Inside you wanted to cry at his sight but on the outside, you seemed perfectly fine.

“I know” For once he didn’t try to excuse his shitty behaviour, nice change.

He crouched down and stroked Frankie and Lennon’s furs, tears rolling quietly on his cheeks. It pained you to see him like this, you couldn’t lie about this. You knew how much he loved the girls but it was his own choice. He apologised to Frankie at least a thousand time before stood up again, ready to leave.

“Ben” You called him when he turned to leave. He looked at you and for a very brief second you really thought you were about to burst in cry. But you didn’t. “Frankie is mine now, don’t even think to get her back when you and your girlfriend would be over”

He sighed sadly but still nodded. You were about to close the door when this time, he called you back.

“I wanted to say...I’m really sorry for how things ended between us” You clenched your jaw roughly, not believing the audacity of the man in front of you. At your lack of replied, he continued : You look better, seems like you’re doing good.

“I’m not” You chocked out, the pain burning your chest. “You cheated on me, you dumbed me and all you dare come to my place for abandoning your dog, saying that I look good ?” You were yelling now, this man was so full of shit, unbelievable. “I’m not good, I’m heart broken because of you Ben, so now please leave me the fuck alone. Don’t call me or text or even think about me, just pretend I never existed. I don’t want to see you ever again.” You wiped away the only tear which escaped from your eyes.

Ben sniffled and once again, nodded at your request.

“You truly are an amazing person and you deserved so much better than me. I’m sure you will find the person will make you happy one day.” He gave you a timid smile. “I...I wish you the best in the future, (Y/N).  

But his smile fell as soon as the words escaped your mouth :

“Well, I wish you to go fuck yourself Benjamin. You and your dumb bitch”

And you slammed the door on his face, exactly like you did months before.

Eight months after the break-up

Ben and Virginia weren’t a thing anymore. How you knew that ? Easy, last night, he showed up at your door around three in the morning, a slashed and crying mess. He apologised profusely, you understood few words between his hysterical hiccups but he was struggling to form a coherent sentence. You really wanted to let him on your doorstep but instead he ended snoring loudly on your sofa. He did hurt you, like no one ever did before, but you still cared about the man, it was pouring rain and you wouldn’t have closed an eyes knowing Ben was somewhere in the street in his state. And the press would have certainly found about it, and as much as he deserved a public humiliation, you knew how hard he worked for his acting – hell, you were his biggest support –, you wouldn’t do anything that could harm his career. Maybe you were too nice.

When you woke up, all alone, you went in the living room to find Ben still asleep, Frankie curled up against his chest and Lennon snoring behind his back, her head nuzzled onto his neck. This view made your heart jumped into your chest, tears watered in your eyes uncontrollably.  

Damn you Ben Jones.

Why did he fucked up everything ? You had a such nice little family with your two girls but no, he had to destroy it and for what ? A leggy brunette who could suck his dick whenever he wanted ? Men were fucking dumb.

“Hi” You ignored his greeting and continued to prepare your coffee, you could hear him coming behind you, the girls jumping happily on his legs. “Sorry for yesterday...I...didn’t have anywhere else to go” He admitted, his hand scratching awkwardly his neck.

You didn’t say a word and poured yourself a cup, you maybe had intentionally make just enough coffee for you, childish but still enjoyable. You sat at the table and pretended he didn’t exist, waiting for him to leave your flat. But of course he didn’t, he was rubbing Frankie’s belly and Lennon’s ears who were more than happy to see their dad again.

“I lied, okay ? I could have go to any of my friend’s apartment but the only place I wanted to go was home. To you (Y/N), and the girls, you’re my home and I did the biggest mistake of all my life when I broke up with you. I understood that only after I lost you”

You bit your lips, eyelashes blinking furiously to prevent any tears to fall. You were trying your best to not let his words reached your weak heart but shit it was hard. And this asshole saw it, he brought his chair closer where you were sitting, his hands gently grabbing yours. You immediately wiped it away like his touch burned your skin, giving him a dark look. He apologised quietly but stayed close to you, his leg brushing slightly against your knee.

“Please (Y/N), look at me. Please” His voice broke at the last word, making you swallowed thickly. You slowly raised your gaze, catching his glassy eyes and you knew you shouldn’t have done that. His shaking lip was trapped between his teeth and he sniffled silently, he looked absolutely heart broken.

He deserved it, this asshole broke your heart first, he cheated on you and said a lot of shitty things to you, don’t fall for his fucking puppy eyes.

“Ben, you should leave” You murmured weakly and you whined at your voice. You didn’t want him to leave and he easily guessed it, grabbing your hands again but this time you let him. His warm embrace around your hands could have made you sob right there but instead you pressed his hands tighter. “I hate you” You breathed and he nodded vigorously.

“I know you do, babe” He replied, one of this thumb circling gently on your skin, he used to do that when you were sad, knowing it help you relax. He knew everything about you and what to do to make you cave, this was so unfair. “I’m so sorry, my love. I should have never left you or cheated on you, I hate myself for what I did to you, I never regretted something so much, babe, you have to trust me”

You sniffled pathetically. Oh you wanted to believe him so fucking much.

“I can’t– I don’t trust you anymore Ben. Not after all you have done to me, I don’t think I could ever trust you again.” You replied and stood up brutally, you needed space between the two of you before something regrettable happen. “You destroyed our relationship, you threw away four years of our life like it was nothing and now it’s too late to fix it, you and me, it’s over.

“No, don’t say that (Y/N)” He followed you in the living room, shaking his head negatively. “Babe, I love you, I never stopped, not for a second. I...I was a stupid wanker who hurt the most beautiful person I had ever known and I will never forgive myself for that. But I need to tried to save our relationship, to save us.” You were crying now, avoiding his gaze. You dreamed about these words so many time but he didn’t deserve your forgiveness, you knew that and he did too but it just made the situation more complicated. “I know you still love me” He murmured quietly and his tone wasn’t confident, his eyes were pleading you to reassure him.

“It doesn’t matter Ben !” You groaned and wiped away your tears, he had no right to do that to you. You rubbed your face, trying to calm down your heavy breathing.

“Of course it matter ! If you still love me that mean there hope for us, we can save our relationship (Y/N) ! And I want nothing else, I swear babe, I’m ready to do anything to get you back, anything, just tell me !” He cupped your face, forcing you to look at his red and swollen eyes. “Tell me you still love me” He whispered so close to your face you could feel his warm breath tickling gently your skin.

“I do Benjamin” You replied bitterly. Of course you still loved him, love and hate are quite interlaced feelings. He sighed loudly, his shoulder sinking with relief. “I still in love with you, I tried to stop but I can’t” You confessed shamefully, you hated how weak you were in front of him, you were putty in his hands, completely helpless under his big green eyes.

“I love you (Y/N)” He kissed your forehead, making your heart twisted at the sensation, it had been so long since his lips touched your skin. “Now, tell me what to do to make amends to you my love, I will do anything” You shook negatively your head, taking a step back and he panicked at your gesture, “(Y/N), please. Do you want me to beg for your forgiveness ? Because I will, anything you want, just tell me !”

He dropped on his knees, his strong arms wrapping around your legs as he begged you, his face drowning under salty tears. You never saw him like in this state, never. It only broke your heart even more, you couldn’t stand Ben crying, you never did and you probably never will.

“Ben, please, stop...just stand up” You breathed loudly, trying to think coherently but it was complicated as the blond hid his face in your thighs, hiccups escaping his throat weakly.

“I fucked up (Y/N), I regretted it so much but– I love you, please !” His words were a bit muffled by your legs but you could still hear him, his cries echoing painfully in the room. “Please, I’m begging you, please, take me back ! Let me come home, please (Y/N)”

You closed your eyes for a second, what were you supposed to do ? You loved him, he loved you but. Could you really forgive his treason ? Could forget what you saw in your own bedroom this day ? You didn’t know. You were absolutely clueless. You always imagined your future with Ben in it but during these last months, you had to think differently and it was hard, yes but it also felt right after what he did. But in the other hand, you spent four years with this man that you loved from the bottom of your heart, he was supposed to become your husband then the father your children...The cute face of your nephew James came to your mind, his adorable blond locks and pretty green eyes, this could be your future, what you always wanted.

It was too much, too many feelings fighting inside your chest and mind. You legs were wiggly from all the tension so you slowly sat in front of Ben, both of you breathing roughly.

“(Y/N), my love” He grabbed your cheeks gently, wiping away your tears and let his forehead falling against yours. His glassy eyes staring at you so intensely that you couldn’t look away. “Please give me a second chance”

Your chocked on a sob at his words, the pressure crushing you as he needed an answer, now.

Yes! was screaming your heart. No! Was yelling your brain. The inner conflict giving you a massive headache.

“Ben...I...I can’t–“

But he pressed his lips on yours before you could give him any answer. And you kissed him back. In a heartbeat. You missed his touch so much, how taste, his scent, his warm, everything about him. You felt the hole in your chest immediately closed back, like if his kiss was swallowing your pain away.

 It was the first time in months that you didn’t sad or angry, just complete.

! IMPORTANT NOTE !

im so sorry I couldn’t resist to end the chapter this way but keep your shit together it’s not over yet. What do you think, reader should forgive Benny boy or not ? I’m not sure yet for the epilogue so your opinion really matter guy !                  

tag list : @mickmoon @allornone @derekxsammy @amy-brooklyn99 @stella2445 @likeit-or-leaveit @khaleesi2017 @directedbyallen

[sparkesink]

Chapter 15:

Tales Untold

What Would You Say?

(If I Told You,)

I’m Writing A Musical.

A Love Story,

(Written In Real Time…)

An Ever-changing Adventure;

(A Documented Script,)

Provided Immortality…

(Aboard Poetry Guided Ship.)

Would You Respect Me?

Protect Me?

Save Me?

(When I’ve Fallen Far From Shore?)

Would You Hug Me?

Could You Love Me?

Thank Me?

(Providing Eternal Lore?)

 Could You Believe In Divine Providence?

(A Journey Toward Divinity…)

A Story,

One In Which,

Assigned…

Long Before My Time.

Given This Task,

Chosen To Heal…

Survived Such Turmoils,

(So Another Can Feel.)

 Have You Ever Desired To Change Your Name?

Dilute The Face?

Become True, 

(To Fame?)

Start Anew?

Build An Empire,

(Sprout Within Previous Burnt Roots?)

I Have.

 If I Asked You,

“Are You Him?”

If I Screamed,

“IF NOT, TELL ME THEN!”

“I HAVE NO MORE PATIENCE TO WASTE!”

(Lost In Hymn.)

Would You Tell Me You Could Fly?

(Or Maybe To Swim Is More Your Taste.)

Would You Be My Ride Or Die?

Could You Hack The Dark Paths… 

(Within A Lost Forest’s Face?)

Could We Be Perfect For One Another?

(Or Concoct Emotional World War?) 

Would You Dote Upon My Bedside?

When Bugs Come Sneezing, 

(Throughout The Lore?)

Could You Emotionally Care For Me?

Raise That Darling Pitt Bull, Pazuzu?

Could We Work Together?

Would We Build A Team?

Could We Sleep All Day Beneath The Clouds?

Dance Upon Hours Within A Day Dream?

Could We Speak Upon Politics?

(Without Provoking Distaste?)

Would We Provide Stability?

Within Healthy Intentional Space?

Could We Breathe Together?

Relax Within One Another?

Could We Drop The Face,

And Face Fact?

Would My Distaste For Washing Dishes,

Receive Comfortable Slack?

Could You Recognize My Waves,

Surf Their Crest To Safety, Back.

And If I Find Myself Lost At Sea,

Would You Cry To The Heavens To Help Me?

Or Maybe You Swim With Stamina And Pride,

Promising, 

“You’ll Always Find Me...”

(Far And Wide.)

 What Would You Do?

If I Gave You A Second Beginning?

Disregard Manipulative Sinning?

Would You Catch Me?

(Or Let Me Fall?)

Gripping My Toes, 

(Along Such Creases,) 

Within This Platform…. 

(A Hundred Years Tall.)

Could We Concoct Conversation?

Would We Feel That Beautiful Goo?

Learn To Become Loved?

(Me And You?)

 What Would You Say:

If I Told You I Was No One.

If You Never Knew,

(Dirt Upon My Shoe.)

What If We Never Landed?

Those Days It Just,

(Me And You;)

Those Unwashed Travelers,

(We Hadn’t Had A Clue.)

 What If You Never Promised,

(The Hospital Staff,)

My Captivity?

What If We Flew Through Divinity?

Took The Wrong Path?

False Doors, 

(Perhaps,) 

The Wrong Task.

 How Are We To Know:

Love Is Truth, 

Openly Shown.

 “Watanya Cicilla”,

Was The Name,

(Presented Youthful Fame…)

Lost A Father To Pneumonia,

(Motive To Hunting Game.)

Paid Off Her Mother’s Home By Fifteen;

Joined “Buffalo Bill’s Wild West”,

Shot The Ashes Off A Held Cigarette,

None Come To Detest,

“Little Sure Shot”,

No Target Superior, 

(Stood Within Her Test.)

 Split Playing Cards From Thirty Paces,

Hit Dimes Tossed Upon The Air…

In One Shot,

Snuffed The Flame Of A Dull Lit Candle,

I Attest, I Saw It There:

I Watched Her Knock Corks Off Bottle Tops…

(She Hit One Hundred Clay Targets At Sixty-two.)

She Entertained A Tournament,

(Young Girls Were Slim And Few,)

She Beat Out Little Frankie…

(His Heart Did Swoon.)

Her Skill Never Offended Him,

They Were Equal,

(Them Two.)

They Married And Traveled,

Two Perfect Parts Of A Crew:

When Inevitable Death Guided Them Part,

He Refused To Eat,

Took Death Over Life, 

(Without Her Gracing His Heart.)

 What If I Told You,

I Never Miss My Target,

What If I Told You, 

“I Chose You?”

What If I Superior Within Such Competition?

Could You Settle A Gnarling Ego, Too?

(Through And Through?)

Would You Be My Mr. Butler,

Support My Talents With Opinions Few?

Could We Become Love?

(Immortal By An Eternally Written Dove…)

Or Shake,

Crackle,

Break…

Within A Securely False Stake?

 I Love The Way In Which The Clouds Roll Amongst The Hills,

Pondering,

Projecting,

Shadows Crawling,

Establishing Mysterious Thrills.

The Earth Feels Bright,

Each Color’s Vibrant:

Pondering Life,

Projecting Urges Of Tyrant In Severe Strife.

 I Expect Logical Evaluation,

Nothing Gold Sprouts Within Temptation.

I Put My Hand Upon This Table,

(My Menu Openly Crude;)

I Write This Lovely Fable,

(Shake Such Shriveled Mask Turned Shroud.)

May I Entice Your Mind?

Create Complex Conversation?

May I Wiggle My Psychological Curiosity,

Within Your Suffocating Contemplation? 

May I Take Your Hand?

Run As Lions,

Dredging Unstable Quicksand?

The Faster You Move…

The Quicker It Consumes:

Will You Become Lost Within Your Mind, Too?

Could You Allow Me To Slip Past Suppressed Lands?

Locate That Sacred Little Boy,

Caught Within Eternal Sands,

Poisoned Conditioning Of Such Sensual Hour Glass?

 What Would Healthy Look Like?

Are We Bound By Our Shame?

Could Be Become Happy?

Leave The Battles To Memories, Bandaged And Maimed. 

 Let Me Tell You A Story,

One Of A Girl Brought Up In Shame,

(Second Best,)

A Life Consistently Overlooked,

(Tamed;)

Invisible Amongst The Rest.

 Molten Lava Encased:

A Butterfly Interlaced,

Desperate For Light,

Practicing Flight, 

(Entrapped Within Chrysalis Strife.)

This Girl Learned Quickly,

She Studied What It Felt Like:

She Listened To Martyrs,

She Knowingly Chose To Abandon Life.

 She Was A Modest Girl,

Desiring To Become Porcelain:

She Thrived To Be Noticed,

(Within Distant Infatuation.) 

She Consistently Fell,

(Coddled Toward Failure.)

A Girl Needs To Be Tested,

(If Her Light Shine Allure.)

 Rarely Encouraged,

(There Always Better:)

“Her Dreams Are But A Waste,”

She Fought The Universe,

(The Ultimate Toll To Receive SI. Splatter.)

She Knew I Had Killed The Person She Had Come To Dress…

She Knew Not Of The Name She’d Been Given,

(I Digress...)

 This Girl Lived Within Such Sensual Reality,

Her Heart Removed From The “Test”.

She Knew She Struggled With Lust…

(Not Physically,)

Though,

Intellectual Seeds Infest.

 She Claimed,

“I Could Dim It…

No More Than Temptation Of Gest…”

Thought As A Virus,

Took Captive,

(Wildfire,)

Spread Through…

This Seed Was No Cancer,

Implanting Emotionally,

(Growing Roots.)

 I Sat Inquisitive Beneath A Comforting Douglas Fir,

I Had Created An Entire Life…

Out Of Fairy Tales And Far Off Dreams,

(As It Were.)

Gripping My Wood Backed Words,

I Can’t Help But Say…

“Why Have I Come?

(I Cannot Stay.)”

You Have No Intellectual Data To Inform You Of Such:

This Book Is My Love, 

(Buried Deep Within Muck.)

I Had Insufficient Integrity,

To Return Love, 

(I Hadn’t Felt For Myself.)

You Cannot Give Someone Something, 

(In Which You Lack From Within:)

You Can Only Love Them,

(Heart Scorched Bandaged By Hymn.)

 You Cannot Love Someone, 

(For Which You Can Give Them.)

You Cannot Take Such Love,

(And Disregard As Emotional Sin.)

You Cannot Help Anyone,

(When You Cannot Help Yourself.)

You Cannot Live Beautifully,

(Encased Upon A Shelf.)

 How Am I To Know What Love Is?

Does It Have Eyes And A Mouth?

Does It Grin Snarling Teeth,

(When Respectful Intentions Shift South?)

 A Girl Would Never Know,

(She Never Loved Herself…)

I Remember Forcing My Hand Down My Throat,

(Before I Tall Enough To Aim My Bow.)

 These Intestines Tremble In Trepidation,

Eleven Years:

Self Destructive Temptation.

 Why Do We Sit Here?

Pretend We Give A Shit Toward Salvation?

Hemorrhaging Upon The Path;

To Foolish Not To Take…

 He Showed Me The Final Test:

“You Do Not Need to Always Follow The Rabbit,”

(Graffiti Sprayed Amongst The White And Red.)

I Should Have Seen It Coming;

(The Toll For My Pride.)

I Thought I Was Receiving Payment,

I Knew Was False Deep Inside.

 I Could Have Taken The Cut,

Followed That Instinct Wreathing,

(Within My Gut…)

Instead,

I Coward Within My Head.

Lying Upon the Moss,

(Dead.)

 I’ve Spent Three-Hundred Sixty-five Days,

(Lost Within This Forest.)

I First Met A Path,

Similar To Before:

Guarded By Rabbit In Sly Mask,

This Path Gifted My Shore.

 I Crouched Amongst The Leaves,

At Night I Heard An Astonishing “RAWR”…

It Was A Big Brown Bear,

Coward Within His Cave;

Salivating Amongst My Lore…

 I Paused…

(As I Could Not Recognize His Tuft…)

I Found A Black Bear Instead,

(Hiding Amongst Dreamer’s Fluff.)

The Black Bear Lowered His Narrow Glasses:

He Pretends To Play Such Part,

“According To My Map,

You’re Accordingly On Route!

Trudge Fifty Paces Left,

Three-hundred To The Right…

Seventy To The Front,

And Three To The Side…

Got It?”

 This Bear Made No Fucking Sense…

Though,

I Followed; 

Through This Thick Forest, 

(Cursed Dense.)

Fifty To The Right…

Three-hundred To The Left…

This Is Where I Found That Little Witch…

(She To Protect Us From The Rest.)

She Was Cunning And Kind,

Such A Slender Little Doll…

“Come, Come Vivian…

We Shall Watch The Gold Leaves Fall.

A Vandal A Day,

Keeps The Cold Winds At Bay…

Come Miss, Miss…

Come And Play!”

 I Paused, 

Understanding The Nature Of Wonderland…

This Doll Was So Sincere, 

Long Black Hair,

Knobs For Knees:

“Compare?”

 I Showed Her My Wounds,

She Showed Me Hers Back…

“My Name Is Katherine Wood,

(Don’t Mind The Pine,)

I’m The Same As You,

Your Wounds Are Deep As Mine.”

 Her Material Made Up Pine,

Softly Delicate,

Manicured And Oiled Fine.

Gothic Pinup,

(Devine.)

 “You Know Everything About Me,

And Me With You…

Together We Survive,

Just Us Two.”

 She Took My Hand,

Led Me Deep Within This Dusk Stained Forest:

The Trees Began To Dance,

Creatures Seeping From Within The Foliage.

 “Let Us Play,

Sweet Sweet Baby…

Do Not Become Timid,

This Wonderland Sparkles,

(Though Holds Strict Limit.)

Please,

Drink The Fermented Fruit,

My Beautiful Lady:

Don’t Forget To Dress The Part,

(The Ring Leader’s Suit.)

Come,

Come Now My Baby:

Let Us Scour For Loot!”

 I Fell In Platonic Love,

That Day We Compare Wounds…

 “Don’t Stay…

Don’t Stop And Stare…”

(Vivian Ringing Throughout My Ear.)

 I Shake Her Warn As Insanity Spread Fire,

(I Hadn’t Expected: 

This Witch Be Professional Liar.)

 I Followed Miss Wood, 

(Through The Paths Within This Dark Face.)

Fifty Steps Right,

“Don’t Loose Pace!

Make Haste!”

 These Creatures Were Glamorous,

(Awe Struck By The Game.)

They Climbed From Within The Paintings,

Etched In Oil Amongst The Bark;

They Danced Within Sin,

Pretty Pills Finalize A Tormented Soul’s Mark.

The Creatures Can Mutate,

Morph Before Your Iris:

“Do Not Stop, Nor Stare…

Their Sin Manipulates Tempting Virus”

 “It’s Just A Little Fun,

Don’t You Understand?

I’ve Been Drowning In Lifelong Muck,

These Friends Prove A Struck Of Luck.

Go Bother Your Own Kind,

Vivian,

Let Me Play Within My Mind.”

 Her Silence Creep,

“Ask And You Shall Receive…”

I Demanded She Go,

So She Granted My Leave.

 Babies In Faces Of Grown Individuals,

A Significant Supply Of Hetero/Bi/Homosexuals:

A Slew Of Bodies,

Lines Plentiful,

(White As Snow:)

Spidy-Sippy Encased In Tequila,

 “TJ, Keep Your Mind Low.”

 “Vivian, Are you Ill?

I Said, Just Go!”

 “A Party Is Not A Pleasure,

While Masked In Complaints…

Don’t Let This Muck Devour You,

Cast Within Constraints.”

 This Cast Was Transgender,

Beauty-Queens With Testosterone In Their Chest…

 “TJ, Take Head…

Your Chosen For Divine Test.”

 “I’ve Been Stripped Of My Dignity,

Laid Each Buck I Set My Crosshairs Upon…

I’m Tainted,

Can’t You See?

No One Could Ever Want Me.

I’m Raped And Tangled Within A Head Full Of Muck…

At Least Here:

I Choose Who I Fuck.

I Line Them Up,

Pretty To Kind;

Then The Humorous Ones,

Followed By Talent Of Mind.

They All Turn To Stone Once Completed With Me,

At Least I Choose Which Parts They See Within Me.

 I Can Give Them My Body,

It’s A Game Katherine And I Play:

It’s Target Practice,

Though… 

(Toads Don’t Stay.)

It’s Miss Molly Popping Raindrops,

Kiss The Prince To Make Him “POP”…

Drag Queens Galore,

What A Colorful Sight Of Lore!

 We Danced And We Sang,

And We Fucked Until The Sky Rang…

We Ate Mushrooms,

Filled Our Heads With LSD:

We Laughed And Played,

Smoking Bowls And Drinking Tea.

“I’m The Good Witch!

And All You Bitches;

Y’all Are My Lollipop Guild!”

What A Hollow Family Build.

 The Music Vibrated The Hairs Along My Neck,

And When I Awoke…

I Left Nothing More Than Human Dreck.

Katherine Was Gone,

No Sight To Be Seen,

The Party Had Become Tar:

Splattered Across The Scene.

 I Began To Sob,

Tears As Multnomah Falls:

“You Mustn’t Cry Dear,

Duty Calls…”

 A Voice Familiar,

Though,

Unseen At Best.

 “You’ve Just Begun,

Now Onto The Test.”

 A Little Beatle Crawled Within My Ear,

He Whispered All The Things I Wanted To Hear…

His Insecta Titled “Lust”:

Buried Himself Deep Within This Conch Crust.

I Discovered A Pick,

No Larger Than Pacific Tick…

I Planted Beneath A Moss Written Fir Tree:

Plucking Each Of His Hanged Feet Out From Within Me.

The Fog Settled In As I Stared This Beatle Within His Face,

“Find Another, Young Beetle…

You Don’t Belong Within My Mind-space.”

 “I’m Not Invasive,

Young TJ…

Though You Mustn’t Surprise If We Meet Again,

You Haven’t An Idea Of Real Love While Lost Within.”

 He Tipped His Hat,

Scurried Amongst This Forest Mat.

Finding Traces Of Friendship,

Now Tattered Remanence,

(Memories Dulled Upon Coexistence.)

 “Excuse ME!

Forest?

I’m Searching For An Emerald Eye?

I’m Sick Of Being Tourist!”

 The Witch Was Gone,

She Only Used Me For Her Own Fame,

And When I Fell…

She Laughed Then Found Another To Claim.

 I Had Been Left For Dead,

Blacked Night Turned Blue:

I Had Been Slipped Non-consensual Drugs Too…

All These Creatures… 

All Turned Lead…

Then Disintegrated;

(Amongst The Goo.)  

 I Was Left Alone,

A Cold And Lonely Tone.

They Hadn’t Cared For My Well-being,

Only Themselves In Sin-kissed Scene.

 I Stumbled Amongst The Trees,

Barefoot And Tore:

Sweet, 

Whispers Of Hymn,

Guiding My Lore. 

 The Beatle’s Feet Leave Sticky Poison,

Injected,

Absorbed Amongst The Skin:

My Chest Begins To Slumber,

Winded Upon A Whim.

My Sight Flashed,

Deep Before My Eyes:

Tangled,

Morphed Between The Lies.

 “You Know What,

Fuck This.

Fuck All Of This.”

 Vivian, Trudging In Stage Left:

 “You Thought You Have Choice?

This Has Been Written Long Before, 

You Weren’t Even A Concept.

I Engage My Right To Percept,

Intercept This Attempt:

You Fuck As Thought Your Exempt,

(Your Soul’s Torment.)

You Deserve To Be Drudged Within This Muck,

You Lit The Sea Of Slime.

You’re A Creature Of Rare Find,

Do Not Disregard Your Mind…”

 *Running Miles*

 “What A Pretty Girl…”

Vivian Muttering Beneath Her Breath:

“Eyelashes Reaching Toward The Sky,

Perfectly Framing Such Masterpiece Of An Eye.

Shimmering Blue And Gold,

Waltzing With Vibrant Green;

(Camouflaging Grey.)

Trickling Down Your Nose…

(Only The Best Tear To Stay.)

Lips And Teeth Mastering The Act:

Failing To Admit…

(The Ugly Unexposed Fact.)”

 Playing Her Game Of Illusions,

(She The Most Talented Musician.)

The Smooth Pick Of Perfection,

(Her Appearance,)

Nothing More Than a Mask,

A Façade To What Appears; 

(Within This Forest’s Task.)

 “To The World,”

I Express Upon a Whim:

“You Are Beautiful…

(No Need For Doubt.)

The Porcelain Within Your Tub:

Carrying Your Secrets Thin,

(In And Out.)”

 I Find It Extraordinary,

(Baffling,)

How Complex The Human Existence Is:

Ever Take Five Seconds:

(Listen To The Heart Beat,)

Faster,

(Faster,)

Slower…

(Depending Upon Such Situation,) 

It’s Conductor Is Forced Within.

 “Listen:”

Vivian Shook Me From Both Shoulders,

Pleading I Take Caution;

(Swallowing The Roach As It Smolders.)

“The Intellect Of A Girl Coward Within A Corner,

Preferring To Observe:

Is An Encased Reality, Too Confined For Her.

People Such As You And I,

Wish For Nothing In Love…

A Partner To Co-exist Amongst,

(A Perfect Fit Glove.)

 However:

If We Symbolize Perfect Representations,

(As The Other Perceives “Ideal”.)

Can We Actually Mutate Our Own Ways?

(To Accommodate Each-other,) 

Into Our Own Self Revolving Universal Sways?

 We Are The Images Of Your Fantasies.

*Whispers*

We Are The Ones That Are Gonna Last Forever.”

 Staggering,

Coming Down From A Lustful Poison:

I Take A Rest, 

Gathering The Shatters Of My Emotional Cloisonné.

“If This Reality Revolves Around Your Assumptions;”

Expressed In Shared Artistic Galleria, 

“Is This Test But Based Upon Idea?

As Everyone Is, 

Exactly What Time Can Reveal Themselves As.

What Makes Anyone Believe Any Presumptions?

Assumptions That Haven’t Become Placed As A Distraction?

A Labyrinth Of Obstacles,

(Used In Defense,)

To Confuse,

(Anyone,)

From Actually Finding:

What Is…

 Are You Expressing There’s Beyond Doubt, He Exists?

(An Intellectual Understanding; Lacking Chastisement.)

Able To Distinguish Lies;

From Personality Detachment?”

 She Pierced My Soul;

A Response Projecting One Single Look To Engulf.

“Do Not Group A Sheep With A Wolf:

Nothing Is Ever What Is Seems With A Bull.

 Think, Be, Live, See What You Wish.

Deduct Your Reasoning:

The False Aptitude You’ve Been Given Is But A Jellyfish.

Propped Up Upon Your Self Proclaimed Thrown,

(Pieced To Perfection,)

It’s All You’ve Ever Known.

It’s What You’ve Always Wanted:

(Right?)

 Welcome To The American Dream:

When The Job Becomes A Wife,

(And A Love Your Mistress.)”

 As We Sat Beneath The Foliage,

(Burning Leaves To Catch Our Breath,)

Vivian Jumps Before Me To Proclaim Her Death;

A Lullaby To Sing Post Miscarriage, Inept. 

 “Once Upon A Time:

There Was A Princess,

A Bull In a China Cabinet,

(Rather.)

Though Rare And Difficult To Attain;

(At Perfect Harmony,)

 A Determined Bull Will Always Be Enticing.

 Though, 

The China Cabinet May Ruin;

In The Slightest Scare You Walk Away…

(Fear Of Blood.)

You Always Return To Repair The Glass.

 For A Sheep Will Never Fulfill,

Stimulate,

(Satisfy,)

To The Extent Of The Bull.

 A Painted Dresser Will Never Appeal;

Toward The Eye, 

Which Once Adored A Now Broken Glass,

(Devine Toll.)

This Unsatisfied Longing Will Lead A Prince To Become Mad:

Picking Up Every Last Sliver To Attain The Anomaly,

(He Once Cherished.)

The Bull Will Great Him,

With The Up-most Dazed Eye;

(Patiently Awaiting His Gentle Diligence.)

 And As Stunning Rays Of Gold Shout,

(Within His Pupil,)

Stretching Their Beauty From A Hazel Eye;

Through The Last Parcel Of Glass.

 The Mess Will Become Forgotten,

(Mistakes Overlooked,)

Leaving Nothing:

A Boy And A Girl,

A Prince And His Fragile Princess,

Tattoos…

And A Bull In A China Cabinet.”

 She Takes Her Bow,

Pleasantly Comparable;

(Within An Imaginary Stage.)

I Chuckled, 

She Inhaled Toke Remarkably Slow.

 Vivian Snapping In Response,

“If Your Audience Only Knew:

These Flashy Lights And Sparkle?

(A Well Polished Blanket, Scenting Burnt Sage:)

The Cinderblocks You Hide Yourself Behind,

Forgetting You Were Born For The Stage?

A Jaded Child,

(The Best Act In The Business!)

Your Tricks And Mirrors:

(Reviled Only By The Intelligent;)

 Push Past The Faux,

*Whispers*

Discover Your Truth,

Keep Your Mind Low.”

 Sober Consequences For Inebriated Actions,

(Haunt Me.)

 She Smoked Up Real Close,

Extricating Lust From Claiming My Conscience:

“Life’s Too Short To Live Suppressing Your Desire.

One Day,

It Will Be to Late:

A Lipstick Stain,

On The Lip Of An Empty Coffee Mug.

Run Away, Tonight:

Chase Me Down The Rabbit Hole.”

 She Point Her Body Toward A Fog Covered Path…

Vibrations Of Hymn,

“You Afraid? 

(The Earthquake’s Aftermath;)

Force Yourself, A Laugh.”

 I Came Upon An Opening Within The Trees:

A Platform In Time,

(Hazed In Bind.)

 A Silhouette Arrive Within The Mist,

The Elephant Man Appeared With A Twist:

This Prophet Had Become Broken,

(Lost,)

Within This Dark Forest’s Face.

Disheveled,

Drunken,

A Sad Light Encased,

(Within Muck…)

Avoiding Potential Luck, 

(For Taste.)

The Mist Of Ego Prevent Clear Vision To See,

(Spiritual Beings Dim Dark As Can Be.)  

 I Laid Down A Gift Amongst The Green:

A Letter To Match,

(Attempt To Become Seen.)

Little Boxes,

Boxes Upon The Hilltop,

Presented Pleasantly Keen:

Yellow, Blue, Purple, Green…

Not All Boxes Are Equal,

(Some Require Divine Intervene.)

 To Know Even One Soul Has Breathed Easier:

(Because You Have Lived.)

This Is To Have Succeeded:

This Is To Become Revived,

(To Have Lived.)

 I Believe I Have Decided:

I Shall Become A Frog.

A Rainbow Colored Frog:

With Aqua Eyes And Bright Green Pupils.

 Beauty Is The Worst Curse One Could Aquire.

 I May Not Have Much:

I Have Love To Give Eternal Lore,

(That’s All Anyone Can Dream For.)

There May Be Plenty Of Fish In The Sea,

Though,

When Your Heart Is Set On A Lionfish…

(A Tuna Could Never Suffice Thee.)

 Sometimes:

I Ponder How The World Works.

A Never-ending Cycle Of Knowledge I Crave,

(To Wrap My Brain Around.)

No Day Is The Same:

Continue Looking For New Aspects Of Our Existence,

(Disregard Projected Blame.) 

 An Accumulation Of Cells,

Eternally Growing To Reproduce;

Combined With Conciousness…

(And Tact Of Use.)

To Know The Connection:

Between Scientific Makeup,

Verses Spirituality,

Is Fascinating…

At Least It Is To A Frog; 

(Dreaming Amongst The Sea.)

I Told Him I Was A She-wolf;

He Only Saw The Sheep Crouched Within.

While Counting Orchids,

Her Hummingbird Pays Visit:

(The Key Unjustly Misplaced By Sin.)

 She Can Read My Thought,

She Flows Within:

Entering My Iris With Ease,

(Slithering Smoke, Taught.)

 “A Life Spent Attempting To Impress:”

She Digress Within My Chest,

“Worrying Amongst Others Impressions?

This Is No Life At All, You’ll Find.

 Live Fast,

Die Wise.

Do Not Dwell On Past Love-Drenched Lies:

If One Cannot See Unique Beauty,

(Another Will.)

They Will Accept Your Weird Antics,

(The Skeletons,)

The Struggles…

Cast Out Those Keeping You Small.

Let Your Heart Become Free:

Love Unconditionally Tall,

Share And Listen…

You’d Be Surprised; 

(How Simple It Can Be To Fall.)”

 Today:

There Was You,

And As The Sun Crept Across The Mountain,

We Were Intertwined…

(Our Chests Bare, In Tune.)

 Little Girls Are Always Filled With Pansies,

(Dreams Of Love…)

Until The Rain Never Comes…

Her Dreams Fall As BBs Through A Dove;

(A Lost Favored Glove.)

 Should You Misjudge Her Generosity?

(That An Act Of A Harlot;)

In Reality,

‘Twas Mistrust Within Dead Thought.

 These Things,

(Those Which Keep Life Beautiful,)

They’re Often Overlooked.

 The Majestic Array Of Sienna And Gold,

Stretching Across The Horizon:

The Sun Lay Down,

Dressing It’s Land Bedizen.

 The Esthetic Sound:

Morning Birds Harmonizing,

Within Darkness Of A Newborn Morn.

The Sexual Beauty Of Lipstick Stained

Upon The Butt Of An Unlit Crutch,

Knowing The Simplistic Pleasure

Within That Woman’s Relaxation.

 These Are The Things That Keep Me Breathing:

These Are My Prized Possessions. 

 “She Doesn’t Know:

She’s Beautiful…

A Golden Heart Filled Plentiful.”

 (Vivian Piping In From Amongst The Foliage.)

 I’m A Walking Disaster:

You’ll Regret You Made Me…

It’s To Late To Save Me.

 Vivian’s Snarling Teeth And Red Lips Hiss:

“To Speak Of Things! 

Out Of Ignorance!

A Narcissistic Addiction,

(To One’s Own Lack Of Esteem.)

 I Bumble:

“I Swear, There Is No Perfection Within My Words.

(No Certainty Within My Thoughts,)

Little Confidence Within My Actions.”

 She Straightens My Spine,

One Last Time.

“Just Remember:

Those Who Doubt,

 Will See.

Black, White, Blue;

Betrayal, Ignorance, Selfishness…

(And Greed.)

 Those Who Question, 

Are Bound To Learn:

A Narrow Scope Leaves Little Room,

(Whilst Preparing Such Turn.)

 This Beautiful Symbiosis Creates: 

(Mutual Understanding.)

 Never Underestimate Those Who Bleed,

(Within True Color;)

The Masks,

(And The Faces Beneath,)

Do Not Faultier The All Seeing Eye…

(Of Truth.)

 *Vivian Whispers Within My Conch*

 I Always Get What I Want…

And You’re No Exception.’”

 She Vanished Before My Eyes,

Once Again ‘On My Own’ For Size.

I Sat Next To A Rushing River;

Counting The Ripples,

Simultaneously Crashing Within One-Another.

It Was Water Flowing Toward The Sea:

Welcoming Loneliness, 

(Branded Inside Me.)

 I Sat And Observed:

All The Pallid Bubbles,

(Floating Above My Head.)

 I Lowered My Tone,

“Can I Express Myself?

(Excuse Me For The Intrusion:)

Could One Plus One Equal Two,

(Endless Nights Have Turnt Me Blue.)

 I’m Just A Face Within The Crowd,

Singing Toward A “Wounded Healer”:

My Shredded Heart-Strings Screech…

(Blushingly Loud.)

 I’ve Found:

Isn’t It A Pitty? 

This Turmoil?

(Fucking Shitty.)

 The Highs Are Godly:

(The Lows Near Death.)

 Stalled:

(I Sit Here…)

Gasping To Catch Breath.

The Ups,

(The Downs…)

It’s A Goddamn Deadly Coaster Ride.

A Piece Of Discarded Plastic,

(Ebb And Flow…)

Synchronized Tide.

And I Fucking Cried…

I Cried Until The Sea Spewed Jealousy.

 My Mind Blank:

(Perfectly Placed,)

Shards Of Glass,

(Installed Ever So Delicately…)

Within My Heart,

(Live Fast.)

 I Begged For Rock Bottom:

(I Desire To Paint Love.)

I Dropped My Guard,

(Emotions Shoved;)

Within A Pretty Little Box…

Placed Amongst A Shelf,

Lost Within An Assortment Of Discarded Clocks.

 How Does One Write A Love Story?

(It Never Seems To Unfold,)

Failed Attempts:

All Stories Are Untold…

Until They Aren’t.

Thank You For Saving Me.”

 I Turn To Coward:

 The Elephant Mumbles,

Beneath Drunken Hiccups And Depression Slime;

(Covered In Muck.)

My Newly Shifted Spine;

Claimed A Ringing In Time.

 “Excuse Me?

(I May Promote Distaste:)

Have You Dulled Yourself Incapable;

(Recognizing Divine Gifts?)

Your Soul Begged the Universe For Just This.

 Why Patronize?

Did You Enjoy It?

(Back When You Were I?)

Mustering Courage To ‘Keep Going’…

(Accumulating Judgement Of Your Potential;

You’ve No Idea, 

The Artistic Baggage I’m Towing.

 I’m Developing A Publishing Platform:

(One Based On Truth And Heart,)

“Freedom Of Thought”.

 Untangling My Own Mind,

(An Audition Of Love:)

Written And Published,

(In Real Time.)

 A Test Of Divinity,

(Against Each Deadly Sin…)

Proof Of My Own Eternal Worth:

Avoid “The Game”,

(Love Festers From Within.)

 I Broke Myself,

(Year 25,)

I Begged To The Heavens,

“Please Do Not Take Me.”

I Made A Promise That Day:

Sacrifice My Own Life…

A Soldier;

(Against Human Decay.)

 “Sell My Soul,”

(Or So You Could Say.)

 You Could Not Understand,

(Elephant Man,)

I’m A Trilogy From A Musical…

(A Story Unlike Any Before,)

For This Story…

Is Me:

(Written In Rhythmic Lore.)

 You Wanna Play Tit For Tat?

I’ll Challenge A Profit,

(I’m No Longer A Door Mat.)

 You Know That Itch?

(I Feel It Too…)

I Hope You Recognize,

You’re On A Deadly Spiral,

(Noticeable To Few.)

The Green Bled Grey Within Your Eyes,

Could You Know What It’s Like?

(Hidden Deep Within Lies?)

So Deep,

Your Mind Begins To Play Games:

Are You Ignoring Such Important Self Work?

Remain Tamed?

(A Beating Heart Saturated Of Toxic Stains…)

Or Maybe,

Could You Be Hiding Behind Complaints?

Claiming:

“No One Could Understand Me…”

Unable To Express Yourself;

(Without Constraints.)

 It’s Lonely Up Here…

The Price To Pay:

“Hyper-Intellectuality.”

It’s The Curse Of Mediocrity To Stay…

(Isn’t It?)

 I Dote Upon My Own Talent Within A Full Moon…

 Talk To You Soon.”

 His Mind Was Wrapped In Soup Bowls,

One On Each Side Of The Head:

Enthralled In Playing With Spiders,

Swimming In Toxic Lead.

 I Found A Little Box,

Similar To Before:

Next To A Psychedelic Fungi,

I Peered Within, Once More.

The Writing Unscripted;

Within Lay Plugs For Ears.

Harmony Flows In:

Insecta Forced Out,

Lay To Rest Old Fears.

 I Hear The Shore:

A Beating Of My Heart, Sound…

“See You Around.”

[greatkinglulu]

How To Dance 101 - [Ben Hardy One Shot]

Pairing: Ben Hardy x Latina!Reader

Warnings: mild smut, maybe?, some goofiness.

A/N: Hi there! Since some of you liked my Seasons one shot and the snippet from my fic, I figured I’d write this thing that just popped in my head last night.

It was another quiet Saturday night in your and Ben’s flat. Ben had been back home for two weeks now, after the press tour, and he had been trying to get his sleeping schedule back to normal, as well as spend as many hours as he could with you, his girlfriend, and Frankie.

After a few glasses of wine, the food was in the oven, Frankie was fast asleep on Ben’s lap, as he played some video games that you couldn’t quite master yet, and you decided to fold a freshly washed load of clothes, which were mostly your boyfriend’s. You made your way to your bedroom, put the basket that contained everything on the bed, and started to fold item of clothing after item of clothing. In the process you managed to steal a couple of Ben’s old shirts that you loved. He wouldn’t mind, they looked better on you anyway, he’d say.

After a few minutes, you decided the silence was too loud and so you grabbed your phone from the bedside table to play some music out loud. By that time, the wine had made its way to the top of your head, and not thinking too much about it, you opened Spotify and played the first Reggaetón playlist that you could find. It brought back memories from your hometown, your friends and family. You had moved all the way from an Spanish-speaking country to London, England with Ben less than six months ago. So you usually found yourself missing your loved ones and skyping them almost everyday.

As the memories twirled around your head, you couldn’t help it but dance a bit clumsily to the rhythm of the songs, while you kept folding piles of clothes.

From the lounge, Ben could hear something, but he couldn’t make out what it exactly was. He paused the game he was playing and slowly removed Frankie from his lap, laying her on the sofa. He slowly made his way down the hallway, and as he aproached the half closed door, he could hear that sound getting louder. It was music. But nothing he had listened to before. He could catch a glimpse of you moving around the bed as he got closer, so before completely opening the door and stepping in, he decided to spy on you for a few moments. He was biting a smile as his eyes scanned your body that was swaying to the beat of the music. He felt something flickering inside him. He was slightly aroused. Ben couldn’t believe his luck; he had hit the jackpot.

He licked his lips before opening the door and entering the room. “What are you doing?” He eyed you once again, only that this time you were aware of it.

Your back was facing him, so when you heard his deep voice, you jumped out of your body. “Ben! You nearly killed me!” You abruptly stopped moving while you tightly clutched one of your shirts. He calmly sat down on the bed. “I-I was just... you know putting this away.” 

You grabbed your phone again to pause the music, when Ben grabbed your wrist softly. “No. Keep playing that. I like to see you dance. I actually didn’t know you could do that with your body...” He trailed off, voice huskier than usual. You noticed the wine from earlier had started to affect his behaviour.

You raised your eyebrows at him, slighly amused still folding stuff. It seemed like it’d never end. “Well, you have a lot to learn yet, pretty boy.“ You laughed. 

“Is that so?“ Ben replyed from his spot, not taking his eyes off of you for a second, since you had started to swing your hips again without noticing. It was something that ran in your blood.

“Yeah...“ You paused for a moment what you were doing and walked over to him. “In fact, get up.“ You offered Ben your hand. “I’m gonna teach you how we do it back home.“

Your boyfriend looked up at you, startled. “You what...?”

“C’moooon.“ You insisted. “You don’t get to be the only one who can see me dance like that when I’m slightly tipsy. I wanna teach you a thing or two so I can look at you dancing to this, too. It wouldn’t be fair otherwise.“ You took both his hands in yours and got him up, now moving even more, deliberatly.

“But Y/N, you know I can’t dance.“ Ben whined and pouted.

“Don’t worry, babe. I won’t tell anyone. What happens here, stays here.“ You laughed a bit and gave him a smile. “I promise.“ You whispered near his ear, sending shivers down his spine. You gave him a peck on the lips and he blinked a few times, dazed. 

“Okay...“ He huffed, not sounding too convinced, and as a new song started, you positioned both of you in the middle of the room, him behind you.

“Usually, the girl follows the guy, or they’re in sync, but now you’ll follow me.“ You instructed. You grabbed Ben’s hands and put one on each of your hips. “Now try to move to the right, and then to the left. It has to be like a flowy move, okay? Copy me, pretty boy.“ You waited for the right beat and started swaying your hips, Ben following you as best as he could. He moved a bit stiff, but you were impressed nonetheless.

“Am I doing it right?“ He whispered a bit embarrassed, still focused on being coordinated. He was aroused, but he wanted to impress you, so he tried to restrain himself a bit.

“You’re perfect.“ You looked at him sideways and gave him a reassuring smile. As another song with more sexual lyrics that you could understand came on, you started to grind against him, as you should have done right from the start. His fingers now making his way under your shirt just to touch the skin of your hips and his grip got stronger.

He let out a low groan, and you giggled. You turned in your place, now facing Ben, and you could see in his eyes how hungry he was, but not precisely for food. Eyes darker, pupils blown with excitement. You put your arms around his neck for support and his hands wandered from your hips to your ass. He held onto it for dear life. You didn’t mind, you liked it. “Wow, we’re handsy now, aren’t we?”

“You’re driving me fucking insane, baby.“ Ben squeezed your ass a bit as his eyes moved from your eyes to your mouth a few times. You kept grinding on him and you could start feeling something growing now. Without giving it too much thought, he crashed your lips with his in a slow, heated up kiss. He might not be a great dancer, but he definitlely knew how to work with his mouth.

Soon enough, his tongue was dancing with yours, and you took advantange of that to walk Ben backwards till his legs hit the bed and he fell. Without breaking the kiss, you both crawled onto the bed and now he was laying on it with you straddling him. The kiss kept getting heated by the minute and you could feel Ben was completely hard now as you grinded purposely on him this time.

He moaned your name from the back of his throath as he broke the kiss gasping for air, you were panting, too. “You have to stop doing that.” He grabbed your tighs harshly trying to make you come to a halt.

“Stop doing what?“ You asked innocently, a smirk glued to you face as you tried to keep moving.

“You know. Stop grinding on me. Now.“ You’ve never seen Ben like this, and you liked it.

“Yes, sir.“ You saluted him, laughing.

Now that both of you were breathing more steadily, he took off your shirt, discarded it somewhere and dragged your face back to his and he kept kissing you. He moved his lips to your jaw and he grinned against your skin, as you moaned after he had found one of your sweet spots. He kept trailing sloppy kisses down your neck, biting sofly from time to time, your fingers tangling on his soft curls.

You moaned his name a few times in pleasure, til the smell of roasted chicken hit your nostrils and your eyes shot open. “Ben... Ben... Ben!”

He knew your tone had changed to a worried one, and he stopped working the base of your neck. “Did I hurt you, love?”

“No,“ you tried to move from him, but his hands were glued to your butt firmly. “but the dinner’s gonna burn. Let me go get it out of the oven.“ You patted his chest softly with one hand.

“No!“ Ben protested. “Let it burn. We’ll order something...“ He went back to your swollen lips. 

You giggled and spoke against his lips, “Ben! Let me and my ass go! I’m not wasting that after all the effort.” His grip loosened and he sighted frustrated, rolling his eyes. “We’ll resume this after dinner, pretty boy.”

“But, Y/N,“ he whined like a little boy. “I have a problem down here, I can’t even walk!”

“You know how to solve it. I’ll be in the kitchen.“ You retrieved your shirt and put it back on.

“Oh, c’mon! It’s not fair!“

“I’ll make it up to you.“ You winked at him and dissappeared into the hallway that led to the kitchen, letting your boyfriend alone.

Tag list: @rogerandhishair @drowsyroger @wereallkillerqueens @roger-taylor-owns-my-wigg @apinkwhisperscollector @16wiishes @wolverinesbeer @i-am-sarah @lizgarxo @royalrhaposdy @70srogertaylor @lfcbvb @thelottiebook @rogerbuttersmyeggroll @mclfanatic @stanrogertaylor @notmejustmymind @yeah-its-cooper

[teakiii-archive]

wow ahh eek okay !?? 2k? that’s insane wowow ily all sm

tbh i think im always a bit of a flop so a huGe thank you for making me feel so loved + happy ♥

but...ofc i have to mention people that have always stuck with me + go on tangents about how much i love these simblrs !!

@surreysimmer aH OK wOW molly *sweats* you are such a great friend + i love you lots !! you always make me smile and you make my day on the daily, a few months ago, we probably had no idea we were going to get so close but im so thankful that we’re just good friends i mean wowza your blog is top notch all the time. not to mention ahem my otp poppy and august (i can fight nicola thanks) is acc the cutest thing i’ve ever seen like???? how??? ilysm ♥

@honeyiko eek you know how much i love kate diego ! you are such a funny person to be around and you make me laugh so hard i can’t breatHE,,,,and like amara + zaRA gorgeous goddesses wow i love them, you make me feel better when im sad :’) idk what i would do w/o you tbh not to mention you pushed me to broaden my cc horizon ( i have 9 gbs now diEGO)  thank you for being the diego to my dora, ilysm

@littlemissnellie eL ah where do i begin? i remember meeting you back in around maybe august? and we talked about roast dinners and how adorable you and your accent is! i know youre not too happy abt your blog currently (psa: go send el some love !!) but i loVE it lots and the daleys kill me everyday ♥ ill miss them for sure; but you + your health come first! so never forget that. you are such an adorable lil bean and it really sucks for us to start drifting apart a bit eek!! i hope we get to catch up on the weekend a bit more ♥ always remember that i love you lots!

@rosypyxels wOO rose omg ! even though sometimes we go days w/o talking we just fall back into it immediately! you are so incredibly talented and sweet (um not to mention gORGEOUS) i know you’ve been going through a hard time recently; but i love how we constantly fan over how hOt all those models on pinterest are i mean wOWZA ! you never fail to amaze me with those crazy good makeup skills + your style?? where do i even start??? its so great??? ilysm + even though you don’t post much here; im glad to have you in my life :’)

@tiredtoothache saV oH my goodness gracious !! your blog like how??!! your sims are so prettY?? and i cant handle it?? and ken?? wow?? wcif that talent???????? i remember coming across your blog around hmm maybe late july/ august and thinking wow her story? john? i cant deal!! you are also v kind + super sweet, even though we don’t chat too much im v glad that we’re friends ! (ps we really should chat more but i suck at carrying conversations rip) ilysm sav!

@okyio chrisTy im sobbing where do i even begin? im still insisting that you were sent from the gods to make us cry bc of those dazzling editing skills (not to mention how cute sage + mu are ) i know recently things have been happening but im sending never ending love n support! (let me know if im overbearing) but seriously; you never fail to wow me with how gentle and patient you are. you are so kind and nice to everyone, i hope you feel a lot better soon but until then make sure to take care ♥ ily!

@dust-bubbles albertaaaa !! you are such a fun, genuine person to be around. you are so talented and not to mention super modest ♥ you are too sweet !! your cc is always top notch (i cant deal like actually) i hope we get to know each other better bc wowza you are such a cool bean and im glad i’ve gathered the courage to talk to you a few months ago because i’ve gotten to know one of the sweetest beans on the planet ily!

@citruswhims caL omG i was there back in the day with little callia bean !! and i remember i texted you to ask if you were doing okay and then blossomed a beautiful friendship filled with a lot of dog pictures and talking in all caps! you are unbelievably vibrant and just a bright person overall ! im glad we got to know each other (even though sometimes we don’t talk too much) i love you sm + im just so haPPY that we’re friends ♥

@amessofsims LINA LINA LINA you are such a spontaneous bright ray of sUNSHINE!!! exCEPT for the fact that we all know we pour the cereal first, then the milk (take notes lina) you always make me laugh + wow i just love you ok??? never forget that !! thank you for always making me smile ♥

@vvindenburg jiLLS!!! i remember finding your blog through i think a giveaway in june? (when i only had a cc finds blog that only tumblrbot followed omg) i fell in love with gem and julia the moment i saw their adorable faces !! and now we have delos + delphi (sorry phi; but delos is just the better twin :/) you always make me laugh through funny posts that reference memes oR your editing bc thanks for making me crY jiLLS ilysm ♥

@brndletonbae hILLS! (as you can see it rhymes with jills) but yes i remember i think in july?? i jumped up and starting screaming bc yesdarlingsims had followed me. (ahem nodarlingsims now) but you-POPPY- OLLIE sO mucH lOVE im going to cRY, thank you sm for inspiring me to make this kinda mess of a blog, even though we dont talk too much; im glad we chat through asks sometimes! ily hills ♥

@idioticjenna (jenna ok i had to move you down for the gifs im sorry)

people i love lots:

@alwaysimming (can we talk about how nice and supportive you are?) // @vvatore (ok but your textposts just make my day)// @simsluname (hello you beautiful gif queeN ily) // @tea-sims (your blog?? is goals? wcif all that amazing talent??????) // @sammyshuno (where’s bella is and always will be something that is worth staying up still 6 am to read) // @cellblocksimmer (betH omg can your sims kill me please) // @simshuie (tbh lauren we aLL know that lorcan + elide are the cutest + thank you for being sweet n great) // @smubuh (abby, your tutorials are the bEST and idk what i would do w/o you or your blog; your willingness to help never fails to astound me) // @sandy-sims (amazing poses?? great sims ?? phenomenal stories?? yes please!! ) // @thisk (your sims are my weakness wOW! your townies !!? i love!?) // @ahhkaitlyn (you are so sWEET??? i love your blog??)// @domiella (domi ily!!? sm!! wow you are so beautiful inside and out!) // @whiisker (you know i love frankie bc she wOW !! i love your aesthetic skdjf)// @woohoodlums (crazy gorgeous sims + edits?? sign me up) // @meisiu (your houses !! slay me!?) // @grapfruit (your psds !! your edits!!! wow!!) // @panda-plumbobs (ahh amber !! i love your blog?? sm?? we should def talk more ♥) // @tigerellasims ( i crY i love your legacy !! so much!! ) // @cowplant-pizza (your legacy *ahem* those amazing spICY posts !! your poses! ) // @sundaessims (quinlin!! ily!! your tags give me life + your bio too) // @mooon-sims (your lookbooks!! i die!) // @faeflowr (your gameplay pics! and your cc finds ahhhh) // @kiwiikio (im crying bc your blog is just so perfect and i love it so much im going to cry wow) // @harrybuts (you know ily mack ) // @ridgeport ( i LIVE for nES and your mind-blowing cc) // @rosetrii (your dOODLES I caNNOT) // @roseyki (your cc and your sIMS ahhh) // @starryllamas (jESS your sIMS i and your edITS ily) ps gotta spam your blog soon so watch out ;)

side note: i tend to forget things a lot!!! so if you think i missed you, message me ♥ (im vv sorry)

@idioticjenna even though our friendship didnt exactly start off on the right foot, im glad i’ve gotten to know you better! jenna you are hiLARIOUS omg i just love it, you have so much talent like wth ??? thank you for being so sweet n kind ♥ have a gif:

thank you all for all of this, i couldn’t possibly ask for anything better than this ♥ please take care of yourselves, i love you all so much. please dont forget that my messages and inbox are always open if you ever need anything !!

[beanghostprincess]

Love the concept of Usopp falling for Transfem!Sanji but all of his attempts at flirting end up just being cute and making sanji laugh (genuinely laugh. A sweet laughter. She's head over heels for him too btw) but he wants it to be sexy. He wants to turn her on, or, whatever. But whenever he tries to be sexy he ends up failing miserably because he forces it to be extremely normative (exercising shirtless type of sexy. Don't take advice from Zoro) instead of just being himself. And as I said, he takes advice from fucking mosshead so of course he isn't going to look the type of sexy Sanji likes.

Nami has to physically drag Usopp to the girls room with Robin so she can call him thousands of insults before actually telling him that he's acting like a fucking idiot. That Sanji likes him back already. So Usopp is like, all hopeful and happy and says: "Oh! So you're telling me to just be myself?! :D"

To what Nami replies with the scariest most intimidating evil laughter in the whole universe: "Oh, no. Darling. No. You have no fucking idea what women like, do you?"

He's pretty much scared.

But Nami and Robin end up telling him the secrets of womanhood or, well, what they personally like. And Nami doesn't even like men, but she knows how to read a room and manipulate other girls with men and also, she's a lesbian. She knows what women like. She likes women. Women like her. She's the best person for this job. And also Robin because she's older and wiser.

And also, they share a room with Sanji. They talk at night. They know what she likes.

So they tell Usopp about hands. About how crazy Usopp's hands drive her while he works and that he should use them to his advantage (put a hand on her thigh casually while they talk, brush their hands together more often, tuck her hair behind her air sometimes, show her some of his inventions with his hands pretty much being the main focus, etc). Basically, they tell him to sexualize his hands as much as possible because everyone fucking knows Sanji has a thing for that. And Robin can confirm girls like that because every time she sees Franky build something it makes her knees weak (she says this in a very weird and off putting tone so Usopp isn't sure if 'making her knees weak' is some kind of euphemism for darker, more intimate things he is not ready to hear).

Then the hair. Nami is always saying Usopp's hair is spectacular, but also, that Sanji goes insane whenever she sees Usopp first thing in the morning. Messy, undone hair and everything. So the navigator insists on him being a bit more careless with it. Not caring that much about ponytails or buns unless he makes them look really good and intentionally messy.

He has to forget about the whole 'shirtless exercisisng' thing because that's Zoro's way of being a gym bro and attracting their captain (and it only works because he's already dating Luffy and Luffy enjoys seeing his boyfriend doing whatever) and instead focus on being casually shirtless. And it's not like Nami supports the massive whores this ship has because she's exhausted of men being so disgusting around here, but if it's to help them out (she only wants them to stop pining because it's annoying) she will let Usopp walk around the place without a shirt on (as if he didn't do it already but, y'know, this time is obvious he does it intentionally).

Robin then says something about Sanji liking dominant guys, which, well- It's a thing Usopp already knew because it's not hard to tell. But also the archeologist mentions that he should act more confident around Sanji. Be less anxious (as if it were easy, btw) because he has absolutely nothing to worry about. She won't fall out of love, seriously, she's too down bad to get up at this point and the worst thing that can happen is Usopp looking cringey. But confidence looks good on him! So he needs to do all these things without it being obvious that he's trying to be sexy.

Basically, they end up telling him a few more things that girls like Sanji love in men, and Usopp realizes that it's not actually changing himself but accentuating his personality to a bit of an extreme sometimes to get Sanji focus on him.

And it works. it- It surprisingly works???? What the fuck.

Because Usopp does everything Nami and Robin told him. He touches Sanji more. He runs his hands through her arms and thighs slightly and casually when they talk and it makes Sanji cough and blush and needing a moment of silence to continue speaking. He works in the kitchen and specifically build things that need a constant use of hands. He lets his hair undone all day long or only wears messy buns, and he doesn't say anything if he catches Sanji bleeding or fainting (he really, really wants to go help but he knows it would only makes things worse so he lets Chopper take care of it). He doesn't wear t-shirts anymore (he didn't already, but now it's different) and casually stretches or rests his elbows on the ship and makes poses when Sanji is looking. He starts to talk more in a more confident manner. Voice deeper. Words clearer. Once, he even places himself behind Sanji while she's cooking and tries to grab something from the top shelf of the kitchen, resting his hand on her hip for a long second. It drives her wild. To be honest, Usopp didn't even do that on purpose but Nami congratulated him on that one, and he couldn't just say it had happened naturally.

Sanji is a mess, btw. Her food is still perfect and she fights normally but whenever they're not doing anything important she seems lost in thought and the whole crew is so done with her and Usopp. She doesn't even want to fight Zoro anymore and it frustrates the swordsman because their lil arguments and fights are kind of a thing between them and it's ruining his daily schedule!!! Usopp is going to be the death of her, honestly, and Zoro is then going to kill Usopp for that (me and my beautiful love for platonic Zosan).

But neither of them does anything or makes the first move because they're stupid and deep inside they're shy and they're used to being pining idiots.

Then, Usopp takes all this flirting thing a bit too seriously. Because he is stupid and fears that if he stops, Sanji will lose interest in him. So even if it's raining or snowing, he's shirtless. He says it's that a confident man like him doesn't need clothes to be warm, only Sanji's beauty (or something like that, he said). But even Franky is wearing a jacket, so... Also, he tries so hard to accentuate his hands movements when he works that he doesn't get the job done most of the time. And his hair keeps getting in the way and bothering him while he fights. It's a mess.

And Sanji notices because she might be extremely turned on by him but she's not that oblivious.

So one night she sees Usopp fucking freezing because they're close to a winter island and he refuses to dress properly. At least his hair keeps him warm, sort of, but he can't work like this, either. Sanji rolls her eyes and just approaches him without saying a word, throws him a sweater, wraps him in a blanket, and before Usopp can say anything, Sanji starts to tie his hair up into his usual ponytail. Usopp refuses and keeps saying that he doesn't need this! That he's God Usopp and can handle a little but of cold! But he doesn't stop her from doing all of these things, in the end.

Sanji only laughs and gets a hold of Usopp's hands to warm them up, sitting next to him. She breathes against them and now it's Usopp's time to blush uncontrollably. Sanji looks up from there. "You're a moron, you know? You don't need to do all of this."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Blatant lie.

The cook keeps holding his hands but rests her head on Usopp's shoulders, cuddling against him. "You look really handsome with your hair tied up."

"Uh? I- Thank y-"

"And I love your hands, but if you don't take more care of them I'm going to kick your ass. And also, if you get sick and affects our adventures and your sexy voice I will end you."

"Sexy what-"

"I like it when you blush and stutter and are anxious about every little thing, too."

So Usopp squeezes Sanji's hands back (after a whole long second of analyzing what the other just said) and lets himself rest against her, her undone hair falling over his shoulder and her perfectly polished nails brushing his skin. She smells sweeter than usual. Like chocolate. And even if it's cold, she needs to wrap herself in the blanket too because she's wearing a short dress.

Perhaps Usopp hasn't been the only one trying hard to accentuate his good traits. And God, Usopp loves her even more every day.

The sniper tries to be confident and wrap an arm around her shoulders, but he hesitates, and that same second, Sanji is the one to guide it around her body.

And Usopp is nervous and blushing and Sanji's kicking her feet under the blanket. And it's extremely messy. And perfect. It's always perfect.

[winedownwithcoffee]

Season 25 MMY Trash Rankings and Opinions

I sobbed throughout like 6 or 7 of the 11 dances so you have been warned.

Frankie & Witney: This story hit me a little harder than I anticipated. My Granny deals with TIA’s and I know how difficult that is in an older woman and I cannot imagine how difficult that is for him. Him and his GF are sweet and made me think of 50 First Dates. Also look at him getting Brian Cranston! The dance, eh. They front part with the lights was really cool. But this song did not do them any justice and there was more than enough room for Jesus between them, which is good for middle school but not for quickstep. It was okay, but he was over scored..

TO & Cheryl: This is when I started crying. I don’t do well with Grandma stories, especially with dementia. My Grnadpa was just put in the nursing home with Parkinsons and dementia, so I am currently crying AGAIN. It makes me really mad that I can’t hate him today. I still think he should have left but whatever. This was his best dance by far. The emotion was there, he was smooth in those turns. I actually liked this dance. Stop crying, I can’t handle when men cry. I cry harder.

Nikki & Artem: GOD HE HAS NO SHIRT ON PRAISE JESUS. Okay package. I am really glad we got some vulnerability from her and that the GP know about her neck injury. I really liked this dance. My73 year old memaw did too. The Silks were a great touch. Holy shit he is hot and ripped and dear god I am so jealous. I liked this one! God he is pretty! Why was the camera angle so weird on CAI?? Oh Bruno….

Nick & Peta: ….why didn’t they have him WITH HIS PARTNER?! God I am more over this marrieds shit than I was with Alexa and Carlos’s bullshit. I did not like this dance. At All. The band BUTCHERED the song and that just set it up. His transitions between movements always seem so stiff and awkward. Thought he was gonna drop her she flew at him like a spider monkey. They definitely got off time too and it was too much like Nyle’s for me. FUCKING GO BACK UPSTAIRS VANESSA OMG let him get his goddamn scores. Fucking ridiculous.

Lindsey & Mark: I am sobbing already. This package is killing me. I don’t have anything to add to it because I am crying again. She is a beautiful dancer each week and this week will keep her going. All I wanted was a softer side from her and this was exactly what I wanted. When Mark left and she looked back with no music I lost it, then the damn screen killed me again. I love Dad Tom and Mark being so supportive. Grossly underscored, but don’t ask bestie. She does not like her LOL gahhh having her dad’s hat and scarf just made it sadder. I just cried a lot to this one and she is very eloquent tonight and less spastic

OKAY gotta take a break after that one

Derek & Sharna: very very salty they went home. God her hair looks amazing in this rehearsal package. Don’t like her dress but by far the best jazz this season. It was very good.I never saw him go off time. It was such a good dance for his daughter. I was doing so well til they panned over to his daughter sobbing. Man oh man. All this father daughter stuff is kicking my ass.

Jordan and Lindsey: He has been SO FREAKING emotional tonight. Every time you see him he is crying. His story was so sweet and he is one of the lucky ones and I am so glad he is so thankful for that and realizes that. This dance is one of the better contemporaries on here. He has incredible technique. He makes it look effortless. And the emotion he was showing really help with the dance without him messing up or getting TOO in his emotions. Until the end when he was sobbing with them and I cried again. WOO I need another break. Len with his Rams stuff LOL way to cut that tension a little.

Sasha & Gleb: I think she is in trouble this week. The package was good but forgettable. The dance was good but forgettable. My memaw started reading her book though this one. She dances beautifully she just doesn’t hit you hard ya know? I love her relationship with GLeb and Elana though. They have such a good friendship. I liked the doors, that was a cute little touch. It was just a forgettable routine with all of these powerhouses.

Vanessa & Maks: Her mmy is very heartbreaking. I can’t imagine my monster being born that early, the fear would just be insane. But honestly, this package really showed more about Nick than it did for Vanessa. Showed his fear and heartbreak more. There wasn’t much hip movement. That mesh shirt is atrocious Maks, don’t do it again. Burn them. Meh whatever. I am done with them, also WHY DO THEY KEEP BRINGING THE SPOUSES?? Stop it I hate it go away.

Drew & Emma: I cannot even imagine him being an actor LOL. Package was whatever. Didn’t do much for me. He held his own in that jive though I was impressed and he pointed his toes which is always nice. And I about fell out of my chair when his brother came out. Which was a damn good plan for emma. And the perfect way to make his routine standout in a night of tears.

Victoria & Val: Lets end the night sobbing!! God she is the most inspiring person I swear. I feel like I say this every single week though so I don’t have much more to add to it. I loved loved loved them incorporating the wheelchair. I hate Val with no facial hair just like I hate Maks with no facial hair. The foxtrot was decent but there were obviously some funky parts. But I don’t even care because I am sobbing and I love this Val and omg this was still so incredible. I love Tom too.

Okay I am doing my rankings a little different. I am doing one set for who resonated the most with me and one based on actual technique

Resonation/who I LIKE best Rankings worst to best:

Nick Vanessa Frankie Sasha Drew Derek TO Victoria Nikki Jordan Lindsey

Best Dances:

Frankie Nick Sasha TO Vanessa Derek Victoria Drew Nikki Lindsey Jordan

[beanghostprincess]

Hey, trans Ace headcanons anon here.

I have a few more that I forgot to include that I wanted to share:

• Upon transitioning, Ace just took all of his old girly clothes and toys and instead of throwing them away he just kept them all stuffed in boxes in the attic. He gave them all to Otama when he met her, because he knew she didn't have many belongings.

• When it came to naming himself, Ace just asked Garp what name his mom woukd have given him if he had been born a boy. And thats how Portgas D. Ace was born.

• The only person who learned about Ace being trans a lot after than the others was Uta. She knew him during her childhood because Luffy was her friend, but they weren't partuculary close since their personalities clashed and they would fight at times, and before Ace could have said anything to her she had already been taken away by Shanks.

• He sometimes wonders how his mother would have reacted his she had still been alive. He is reminded how great of a person she was and how supportive she would have been everytime.

• If Sabo THINKS you are transphobic, then you are gonna be 6 feet under in less time than it takes Luffy to finish his meals. (The same goes for Doflamingo cause I headcanon Rosi as transmasc too. He may be a psicopath but he's not transphobic)

Also I wanted to add a few trans Robin and trans Franky headcanons because I also have a Frobin heart and to me they are the ultimate T4T and Bi4Bi:

• Robin came out in her mid teens. Her mother and professor Clover were very supportive but since they got killed by the goverment they died of old age when she was 19, she had no one to turn to for support.

• People already disliked her because of the rumors that her family was anti goverment and stuff, so her also being trans motivated other people into being against her.

• She met Crocodile and Bon Clay at a pride event. I think Baroque Works is just an undercover mafia like organization Crocodile used to run, and Robin had no other place to go to.

• This was until she met Franky, and he had way more confidence than her because he was lucky enough to have such a great family.

• He was still girl presenting when his bio parents abbandoned him. He came out after Tom had adopted him. And we all know he was the best trans ally in this world.

• Franky quite literally gave himself top surgery with Iceburg being the only person who was supervising him (but he wasn't allowed to do anything) and luckyli Franky only lost 1 nipple! He also mixes his T shots in his cola.

• "Your existence is not a sin" takes a whole new meaning.

• Spandam is a transphobe so he gets his face mauled, his spine broken, they fire him from his position and Brook writes a diss track about him.

Ace giving his old clothes to Tama and naming himself after what his mom would've liked is just so so sweet. And yeah, I agree on Sabo murdering transphobes. If there's ANY possibility of somebody not accepting his brother he's gonna go insane. Good for him. And the whole Frobin T4T thing is SO real to me. Robin being called a monster for her identity but actually finding a place to belong in Baroque Works because they might be a mafia but they're all trans-- And then she meets Franky and he's so so sweet and accepting and so proud of his own identity too that she can't help but feel extremely free around him <3

[ohtheseboysilove]

Insanely yours II/III [ Ben Hardy x F!Reader]

Words : 1,900 K +

Warnings : so much angst, drinking, broken heart

Summary : Ben is being weird. You find the reason when you come back home earlier than expected.

Note : Damn, I just finished it and I’m a depressed bitch now, this is sad and yes i will write a part 3, I can’t abandon reader like that. Enjoy xx

Masterlist & Request

@/ none of these gifs are mine xx

You closed your eyes and a sob escaped from your mouth. It was a quiet one but Ben immediately jumped of the bed, reaching for the door and opened it widely, exposing you to his eyes and hers.

“(Y/N)…” He stretched a hand toward you with a pleading face but you couldn’t even look at him in the eyes.

You stumbled back brutally at his sudden movements toward you. He opened his mouth to say something but you ran downstairs, empting the contents of your stomach directly in the toilets, throat burning at your action. You stood up with difficulty, your legs barely supporting you as you rinsed your mouth, tears streaming freely on your cheeks.

“I’m so sorry Ben, I didn’t want to hurt her...I’m so sorry”

The sounds of Virginia’ sobs coming from the main entrance made you clenched your jaw harshly. She was rambling pathetically saying how much she was sorry, didn’t want to cause such a fuss...she was a really piece of work this one.

She fucked your boyfriend behind your back and when you finally found out she suddenly felt bad about it ? What a sick joke.

“Hey, calm down, you didn’t do anything wrong, it’s all one me” Your knuckles were white from how hard you were gripping the bathroom sink, he was reassuring her with a sweet voice and honestly you were really close to a mental break down. “I’m the one who fucked up, I– Let me talk to her, I will call you later okay ?”

Her. He didn’t even call you by your name. You were the her, the other girl. Not Virginia but you. The anger was flowing through your veins as same as the embarrassment falling on you. You felt fucking ashamed, you were such a fool for didn’t see anything of this coming. For how long Benjamin did he lie to you ? When did he fall out of love for you ? He said he loved her, she wasn’t a stupid drunken mistake, she was a choice. He chose her, over you.

The sound of a kiss exchanging made your stomach churned again but there nothing else left inside. You splashed cold water on your face, trying to calm yourself but it was useless, your hands were shaking violently as you slowly made your way out of the bathroom.

“(Y/N)...I never wanted to hurt you, I’m so sorry” He was crying, apologising again and again until he said that he do love you but also Virginia. The poor boy was lost in his feelings…You completely lost it at his pathetic excuse.

Slap. The red mark of your five fingers were impressively visible on his cheek and he was as surprise as you by your action.

“I want you to get out, right now Benjamin !” You pushed him hardly against his bare chest, he was just wearing his trunk and shook weakly his head. “Get out ! You’re a fucking liar and a cheater ! I WANT YOU OUT NOW !”

You never yelled so loud in your all life, it was painful for your throat but nothing compared to your broken heart.

“Please (Y/N), I don’t want to lose you–“He sobbed ridiculously, trying to touch you but your only response was to spat on him, fury burning from your head to your toes.

“Fuck you Benjamin. You can take your excuses and shove them deep in your ass, fucking wanker !” You harshly wiped away the tears on your face as your eyes fell on a picture of Ben and you hanging on the wall. Both so happy and so disgustingly in love. You ripped it of the hook and threw it onto the other wall, the sound of the breaking glasses echoing through the room.

“I felt so lonely (Y/N), you and me, we were apart all the time ! I...she was here when you weren’t and...”

You couldn’t hear another craps leaving his mouth, trying to play victim and finding shitty excuses, you wanted to punch him in the face, the slap wasn’t enough.

“Oh cut the bullshit Benjamin ! I was alone too ! Crying myself asleep every nights, thinking about you as you were fucking this whore !” He whined a bit as the insult but fortunately for him he didn’t say anything, knowing otherwise the next framed picture would have been directly threw in his face. “I hate you so much, you destroyed four years of relationship and didn’t even have the balls to dump me before shagging her ! You are a fucking coward Benjamin Jones” You spat violently and he just let his head fell, pathetically sobbing.

“I know I am and I’m sorry for being such an asshole but...you’re not all innocent for our couple problems too, you’re responsible too”

You hiccuped hysterically at his accusation.

“Excuse me ? You’re the one who fuck this bitch in our bed ! Not me, you dickhead !”

“Don’t talk about Virginia like that, it’s enough, she’s not related with our problems (Y/N), something was wrong for a while but you prefer to ignore it rather than talk to me, like you always do !” Ben shouted, now he was angry too, his nose fuming loudly.

Your mouth’s shape was a perfect O as you processed his words, he wasn’t crying anymore, the usual sweetness filling his eyes when he looked at you was replacing with pure anger.

“Holy fucking shit Ben ! You cannot justified your cheating ass with my tendency of avoiding problems, I’m not perfect but I would never cheating on you !” You yelled furiously, sadness and hatred mixing through your veins. Your chest was painfully pulsating against your ribcage, your heart utterly shattered in millions of pieces. “I would never disrespecting you like that, this is so humiliating, I feel like a fucking piece of shit” You sobbed weakly and Ben’s face soften a bit at your distress. He reached for your arm but you pushed him away, again. “Don’t fucking touch me Jones ! I don’t want your pity, don’t think I’m crying for you because I’m not ! I’m crying because I wast four years of life for you, I refused my dream job in America to save our relationship, all of this for nothing !” You tugged roughly yours hairs, the weight all the break-up crushing you, everything gonna change now.

“I never asked you to say no for this job (Y/N), you’re the one to decide that ! Don’t put every mistakes of your life on me, all I always did was supporting you but you never did the same for me, never ! Virginia supported me more in three months of relationship than you in four years (Y/N), you should really question yourself and stop being such a failure and tried to be worthy for once ! Benjamin groaned, breathless and harshly, each of his awful words stabbing you right in the chest, you never heard him being so mean, never. Ben wasn’t this kind of man, saying cruel things for the only purpose to hurt someone but yet he did. He utterly destroyed you.

And he saw it in your face, guilt immediately replacing the anger on his worried features.

“(Y/N), I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean that” He rambled as the panic started rising in his veins as he watched your face crumbled under the pain his words caused you. “(Y/N), love, I was angry, you’re not a failure, never were, I’m–“

You used the wall behind you to stay on your legs, the violence of his words crushing you. He kept talking but you didn’t here him anymore, your blood pulsating at your ears deafeningly and you opened widely your mouth, gasping for air. His words were drowning you under doubts and hurt, you were suffocating as his voice was echoing in your mind.

Stop being such a failure

Tried to be worthy for once

Stop being such a failure

Tried to be worthy for once

Four years of life shared with someone who knew all your deepest fears and doubts, confessing every single one of it for him to just threw it back in your face in the end.

You clenched your jaw roughly, forcing you to not just fell on the floor under his eyes, crying until you couldn’t breath anymore. So instead you violently pushed him on his chest, stopping his useless apologises and shouted him to GET OUT OF HERE.

He stubbled on his feet, not excepting your strength and nodded weakly. Your body was shaking from head to toes and you kept pushing him until he was on the doorstep.

“GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE !” You slammed the door in his face and ran to the first floor, you were completely hysterical, sobbing and hiccuping between each of your breath.

You pushed the door and entered the room where he fucked his assistant, your room, well not anymore and ripped them in half with the scissor in your bathroom. You did the same with the fluffy pillows which costed you a fortune, feather floating everywhere but it wasn’t enough, you needed to take all of your anger out before you exploded. You opened his wardrobe and threw all of his clothes by the windows, falling in ground near the main door. You couldn’t care less if you looked like a degenerate and continued it. His drawers and shoes quickly joining the rest of his clothes as well as the stupid ugly lamp he insisted to buy during your holidays in Bali. You literally destroyed the room, every pictures ripped in two, crushing against the wall his expensive watches and glasses, the sound was a tad comforting.

Once you were drained of all you anger and hatred toward Ben, his whore and relationship in general, the only feeling remaining was the sadness. You slowly walked to the kitchen and grabbed the first alcohol bottle you could find. You sat on the cold tiles and took a first gulp of many others. You hid your face between your hands and cried shamelessly. Every sob burning your throat but you couldn’t stop the stream, a broken heart could be so painful. You raised your head when you felt a timid lick on your arm, Frankie carefully watching you, her tail down from worries after all the screams. Lennon was hiding behind her, waiting to see if it was safe to come closer.

“I’m sorry my babies, I didn’t want to scare you” You murmured and opened your arms, beckoning them to come here. “I’m so sorry” You hugged them tightly, letting your tears rolling down their furs. Lennon was a gift from Ben when you move in this house for your three-years anniversary, she will stay with you but Frankie...Ben would probably want her back and it broke your heart even more.

You drank and cried for hours, the dogs sleeping next to you and you, pathetic and desperate, looking at the pictures of you and Ben in your phone, his words still reasoning inside your mind. You were wondering what will happen next, you needed to move back to your parents probably, packed your things and left this cursed house. Friends and family will ask you about Ben, what happened and this only thought made your head spin. So you drank your sorrows, you drank until the voice in your head shut up and, somewhere during the night, you passed out on the cold floor of your kitchen, the pain mixed with the alcohol knocked you off roughly.

At least you stopped crying.

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