#and getting migraines during my off time is bullshit

[sweaterkittensahoy]

My chronic pain disabilities (hip fuckery; migraines) do not stop me from working. It doesn't mean I should treat my disabilities with less respect than disabilities that DO make it impossible to work.

When my endo pain was at its worse, I did all the things I was supposed to do--according to HR--to protect my job. I filed ADA paperwork. I communicated when I used it. I had the doctor's note. Etc.

Two days before my hysterectomy, I got a call from HR. "Oh, we're not sure we'll have work for you after you recover."

Which, first of all, is fucking illegal to say to someone who has ADA paperwork in place with you.

And, second of all, you're a fucking liar. I was the ONLY tech writer in a company of 500 people. Don't bullshit me.

I should have filed a complaint and sued the fuck out of them, but all I wanted to do was be able to possibly get out of pain and not have to worry about my paycheck after that. So, I called someone else in the company who I knew would lose his shit if I told him I'd basically just been told I had no work to do.

Two days after surgery, I had an email from HR to my personal account. Which, technically, they ALSO should not have used to contact me while on medical leave that was--like my disability paperwork--100% lined up and signed off on.

But the HR person wanted me to know that "Oh, looks like there IS work for you! Lol! Didn't know!"

This is bullshit. She was very aware.

Years later, I'm at a much better company. My supervisor, who is nothing but supportive, recently floated that it might be good to have ADA paperwork in place for my migraines because they flare during stress, which is the time I'm needed at work THE MOST.

No shit: I went into hard shutdown for about two minutes after he said it. It wasn't a threat or a dismissal of my migraines. It was him going, "Oh, hey, so no one can ever try to use them against you to say you're bad with stress, you might do this."

But all I felt was how I was absolutely fucked over by a bad company because they said, "You need to follow these legal steps," and I did, and they still tried to get around them.

So, no, I'm not dealing with getting punished if I have more than 2k in my bank account. I'm not dealing with people touching me, or my assistive devices (I don't currently use any). I can park anywhere in a lot and walk to the store entrance. But I was disabled, and I AM disabled, and I have had people try to punish me for existing in a body that just fucking HURTS because it HURTS.

It's Disability Awareness Month. I am disabled. Less so than I was ten years ago, which is a fucking stroke of luck. But also my right hip has started to go now, and who knows what the next 10 years will bring.

It's Disability Awareness Month. If someone says, "I'm disabled, and I want to talk about my experience," please pay attention and listen and learn and understand there's all sorts of ways disabled people are fighting to be treated with basic human dignity and under the basic rule of law.

[wynnyfryd]

Trailer park Steve AU part 21

part 1 | part 20 | ao3

“Right?” Steve asks, scratching his head as he glances back at the door. 

“No, I meant you, dingus! What the fuck was that with you?” 

Steve feels his face go hot. “What? What do you mean?” 

She throws her hands in the air, stomping over so she can get in his face and say, “Don’t ‘what do you mean’ me. Your faces” —she lifts her hands like she’s about to applaud, palms hovering an inch apart— “were like thiiis close to just…”

She claps them together, and Steve feels the blood drain right back out of his face, dread pooling in his gut as she twists her palms this way and that, like two people tilting their heads to kiss deeper. Oh, god. Oh, god. Were they—? 

“Mwah,” Robin says helpfully, mashing her hands more tightly together. “Mwah mwah mwah mwah—”  

Steve grabs her by the wrist. “Dude. Stop.” 

She drops her hands and stares at him — one of those Detective Buckley looks, combing over every inch of his soul for missed clues — and then her mouth does some horribly self-satisfied thing that he hates. “If I didn’t know any better,” she draws, “I’d say someone has a crush.” 

I’d say someone has a crush someone has a crush someone has a crush someone has a

Steve’s gonna pass out. The words feel like bile in his brain, acidic and sharp; like puking right after chugging a glass of orange juice. It’s not like he’s— 

Look, he knows that he’s— but—

The bell dings. Thank fucking Christ. A big family group, three generations of people talking and laughing and fussing over a baby in a stroller and carrying leftovers from the Italian place down the strip. 

Steve sags in relief. 

Robin hisses in his ear, “We are so not done talking about this.”

—

He doesn’t want to talk about it.

About Eddie, about the word Robin lobbed at him like a lit bottle rocket, about any of it.

Just thinking about it is giving him a stomach ulcer and a migraine and maybe an aneurysm, too. 

He was hoping he made that obvious enough during the last hour of their shift that Robin would just drop it, but that girl has never dropped a single thing in her life. Worse than Nancy, the little bloodhound. Steve saw this documentary once about crocodiles; remembers how they can lock their jaws shut after clamping down on their prey with up to 4000 PSI of pressure. 

That’s enough pressure to cut a person’s arm off with a jet of water. 

Damn, nature’s cool.

“Steve!” 

You know who’s not cool? 

“Steve!” Robin hollers again over the song he’s currently blasting to drown her out on the drive home. “Steve, you can’t use ABBA against me like this!”

Steve ignores her protests, responds by shout-singing “DIGGING THE DANCING QUEEN, OOH OOOOOH” at her in his most nasal falsetto because he absolutely can and will use ABBA against her like this, and it works like a charm. He’s pretty sure this song has, like, hypnotic power over her or something, because every time without fail she gives the answering “ooh-oo-oo-ooh-ooh-oooooh” as if on auto-pilot.

“HEY!” she shouts when she realizes what she’s doing. “No sir!” She reaches over and mashes the volume button. 

Silence falls over the car. Sucks the air out of Steve’s lungs in the sudden void; his ears adjust slowly, picking up the quiet thrum of the engine, the whispered whoosh of the wind outside. Is he ever going to get used to being kind-of-sort-of-deaf? This shit sucks.

“...Okay, look,” Robin says tentatively. She’s staring at the side of his head, and he keeps his eyes on the road; tightens his grip on the wheel. “We don’t have to talk about you, okay?”

“There’s nothing to talk about with me.”

“Right!” she rushes to agree. Playing along like they don’t both know that’s bullshit. “Totally.”

Steve risks a glance at her. Her expression is earnest, some full-paragraph silent communication like: whatever bathroom-floor-confessional crisis you’re having, we can leave it alone for now. We can let it stay hidden in the dark corners for a little longer; I promise I’ll put my flashlight down. 

“Totally,” Steve echoes, nodding at her. 

“Okay. Cool. Cool…”

She lets out a long breath, cheeks puffing out as she sits on her hands. Oh, my god, just spit it out. “Can we please talk about him, though?”

—

part 22

tag list pt. 1 below the cut, comment if you want me to tag you tomorrow (heads up i'm not tagging any new under 21 or ageless blogs unless we’re mutuals or you dm me to verify your age. gonna purge this list when i get some free time)

@heartsong18 @hellion-child @hiimlevi @hotluncheddie @jackiemonroe5512 @jaytriesstuff @littlebluejane @lololol-1234 @marklee-blackmore @melonmochi @messrs-weasley @mrsjellymunson @mugloversonly @nburkhardt @nerdyglassescheeseychick @noodle-shenaniganery @notsopersonalcharlie @novelnovella @nuggies4life @pending-dope-username @perseus-notjackson @ppunkpuppyy @questionablequeeries @remosdeerica @runninriot @sadcanadianwinter @shamelesspatrolshepherdcowboy @silver-snaffles @singmeyoursimpsong @slowandsteddie @slutforcoffein @solalasoforth @spookednsaucy @steddieas-shegoes @steddie-island @stevesbipanic @steves-strapcollection @taleah-bonnick @teatimeeverybody @th30ra3k3n @thealwithnoname @thespaceantwhowrites @thestarslittleking @thesuninyaface @trensu @violetsteve @wormdebut @yourmom-isgay @zoeweee @zombiecreatures

[undreaming-fanfiction]

Eddie has never traveled much. Sure, he'd drive around in his van, sometimes visit Indy, but otherwise he's given up on all the touristy stuff even before he could experience it (as if - an absent mother and a criminal father don't exactly scream VACATION TIME). He finds it silly, all the magnets, postcards. As if one week somewhere else could make a difference.

Enter Steve Harrington, a very dedicated boyfriend with a no bullshit attitude and a payout from yet another government interdimensional (or cross-dimensional?) fuckup. Given how many times he's nearly died, he doesn't exactly feel like saving and investing into his future if it may never come. And so when Eddie's wounds heal, his quiet graduation passes and Hawkins isn't swarmed by monsters for a change, he doesn't ask, simply tells Eddie that his job search will have to wait for 2 weeks or so. He helps him pack a bag, winks at Wayne on his way out (seriously, were they conspiring against him all this time?!) and off to the airport they go.

Eddie has never flown anywhere and boy, is that an experience. After grasping Steve's hand tight enough for his knuckles to go white, he finally relaxes and watches the clouds in child-like awe. Steve is smiling at him from the middle seat, squeezes his hand sometimes. Of course he made sure Eddie would have the window seat. Of course he knows Eddie would find the experience magical.

One uneventful flight and slight migraine scare later, they land, Steve picks up their rented car and drives them both to a small house on the beach. Steve snorts when he sees the separate beds and pushes them together, dropping his own bag on the right mattress. And Eddie just stares, still in disbelief that this is happening, that the local freak and suspected Satanist somehow ended up on a beach vacation with white pillows, so soft it's almost ridiculous, a boyfriend kind (and hot, so goddamn hot!) beyond belief and gentle sound of the waves...

Eddie doesn't really have swimming trunks, Steve didn't really tell him what to pack except that it's going to be mostly warm, but when he tries to apologize to Steve, his boyfriend just laughs, digs in his perfectly organized bag and tosses something black at Eddie's head. When Eddie disentagles it from his face, he finds out it's a pair of trunks with small skulls on them. "Told you, baby," says Steve and presses a gentle kiss into Eddie's cheek. "You don't need to worry about anything this week."

And Eddie doesn't, for the first time in his life he feels absolutely free from everything. When he sees the ocean for the first time, he ends up doing a very undignified splat into the waves and soon finds out that the legends were true, the water is salty and god, it's disgusting. Steve gets them both cheap snorkel masks and they just float next to each other and observe the tiny creatures on the ocean floor. Steve often dives much deeper than Eddie would ever dare to go and brings up small treasures, shells and smooth pebbles. He insists Eddie should only pick the prettiest ones, but Eddie hoards them all. "If they're too heavy when we fly back, I'll just send my bag with you and walk to Hawkins on foot," he says and he might be joking. Might.

In the end, they come back to Hawkins, with Eddie's pale skin slightly red ("I told him he needed sunscreen but did he listen, Wayne? Of course not") and bags full of trinkets that quickly fill the shelves of Eddie and Wayne's new home. Wayne's mug collection grows yet again, he gives a quiet huff of laughter when the boys admit they had a competition to buy the ugliest mug possible, Eddie presents him with a disturbingly realistic seahorse mug and Steve produces a cartoon octopus mug with a sign "SEAS THE DAY". They both groan when Wayne declares it's a tie and proudly displays both.

And if Eddie sneaks to the kitchen during the night to decorate their fridge with a tacky magnet, well, who can blame him? Maybe he'll start a collection too.

[wannaeatramyeon]

Hi! Can I request a love triangle headcannons with Johan & Eli? Thank you in advance 💙

I'll be honest. My response is late but I have been thinking a lot about this dynamic ever since I've seen this. In a word: stressful.

Have... whatever the hell this is. And thanks for requesting anon!

Johan Seong/Reader/Eli Jang love triangle hc

This is not a joke. In this essay I will...

Yikes, you're really picking the two with the lowest tolerance for romantic bullshit?

Listen. Any sort of love triangle involving Johan Seong is the worst kind of headache you can ever imagine. See - one night of PAID FRIENDSHIP with Jace Park.

This guy does. not. share.

You really don't want to bring out those sort of mushy squishy feelings from Johan and not fully reciprocate it. What's worse though, is he will not confess so you have to be observant and perceptive yourself.

Give him a definitive yes or a no.

And Eli Jang is pretty guarded with romance after Heather. He's trying to be a good father to Yenna while also taking care of Hostel or whatever the fuck this dumbdumb is upto these days so he doesn't have time for romance.

Having feelings for you brings a lot of turmoil and stress that is very much unwelcomed. Thinks about you a lot. Playing happy family in his head once all this blows over.

Eli's a very busy guy and doesn't seek you out, though will call and message quite a bit. Just to talk to you and be friendly, even though this is completely not the type of thing he does.

How a love triangle could work

The only way I would see this working is if you are not aware of their feelings for you. If you do know and keep stringing them along, they will definitely peace out asap.

Them being aware of each other's feelings won't be a dealbreaker, but during the more... difficult moments, they might just think it is more effort than it's worth with everything else happening around them.

Surprisingly little crossover between these two. There was their fights quite a while back, but Eli and Johan are very much like two ships passing. Similar arcs with being Gun's successors and being trained by Tom Lee.

Basically, you're never going to really see them together but they WILL give you a migraine.

So. Some actual headcanons

These are opposites in many ways.

Eli will try to take up your time mentally, but Johan will almost always physically be around. Trailing after you, being with you.

If you get some pings on your phone, Johan's guard would immediately go up. Who is that?? Would never outright ask, the irritation simmering below the surface and jealousy exhibiting through other actions.

Similarly, take too long to respond back to Eli then he will start having all these doubts. Less about his actual feelings for you, but more on the timing and whether seeking you out is a good idea at all.

And because there is so little interaction between these two, unfortunately you are stuck in the middle.

AND they seem like the type that would always harbour a grudge against each other for their previous run ins (especially Johan), and see each other as competition. Vying for your affection is just another way for them to butt heads.

Eli through the phone: "tell Johan I can always give him a haircut, he looks like he needs one." Johan, being so quick-witted, will probably respond with "fuck off" and give you the cold shoulder for days.

Or Johan will hide your phone or distract you so much that you forget to respond back to Eli or completely miss his call.

They're both hot and cold in different ways. Johan will be mad at his feelings for you, stay away, and then find he can't. During his sweeter moments, he will be around you a lot, something of a lost puppy. But when he's at his most childish and selfish worst, he will vanish for ages leaving you to worry.

As mentioned, Eli will just be constantly fretting about the timing of this and feeling guilty about speaking to you when his focus should be elsewhere. So he might go quiet and pull away for a bit. Eventually, you'll contact him and then he'll think hearing your voice, reading your texts, occasionally seeing your face makes it worth it though.

In summary

Good fucking luck with these two.

The best advice is to be perceptive of their feelings for you then stay in one goddamn lane.

[irismoon94]

insufferably yours

Eddie Munson x Female!Reader

Summary: In which you hate your roommate, Eddie Munson, and he seems to have it out for you.

Which fucking sucks since you're snowed in together during a sudden blizzard.

It can't be that bad though, can it?

Word count: 6.7k

Warnings: Smut, 18+, minors DNI! enemies to lovers, rough sex, dubcon fantasy, mild bloodplay, mild cumplay, explicit language, face slapping, biting, scratching, pet names, femdom with a bit of switching.

A/N: I’m trying to work on a Kas!Eddie fic, but she a big bitch and this idea wormed it’s way into my little head after my friend came up with the prompt. My first little foray into enemies to lovers and tbh I really enjoyed it.

Part two | Part three chapter one | Part three chapter two coming soon

Masterlist of my other works

——

You hated each other. There was no way around it. But your lease wasn’t up for another eight months, and subleasing was not something you could manage right now, so you fucking dealt with him and his fucking bullshit.

You dealt with the stink of weed that seemed to radiate from his room no matter how much air freshener you sprayed in the hallway to try and keep it at bay. You dealt with the heavy metal music he played at a volume level that wouldn’t get him kicked out but was still loud enough to grate at your nerves while you were trying to sleep and his insomnia was keeping him up at ungodly hours. You dealt with his snarky fucking attitude he seemed to wear like one of his band tees, abrasive and off putting, whenever you had the misfortune of having to talk to him about rent or chores, or the occasional suggestion that he wear the headphones that he literally had resting on top of his piece of junk tape deck and never seemed to use.

You dealt with all of Eddie’s stupid fucking habits and character traits that made you want to pull out your hair at any given moment, and you were counting down the days until you were able to move out and into your own place that you were desperately saving up for.

But today, he was well and truly testing the limits of your patience and it was beginning to feel like he was doing it intentionally. Like he blamed you for the sudden blizzard that had snowed in Indy for the past couple of days, and it was your fault that the two of you were forced to be in proximity to each other until it blew over. That damned music thudded through the wall you shared, and every time he left his room, he would leave his door open so it sounded just a bit louder until he returned and slammed the door closed again.

You tried to be cordial at first, knocking on his door and asking in a polite but loud voice to turn it down a bit so you could try and at least focus on your biology paper while there wasn’t much else to do, but whether or not he heard your request, he didn’t oblige and his music remained at the same volume. You’d scoffed and smacked the door angrily before heading back to your room and doing what he refused to do instead, popping a cassette into your walkman and pulling on your headphones to try and block out the noise in the meantime. Turning up the volume as loud as you could bear and cover the background noise, you got to work on your essay.

———

Two hours later, after explaining three of the seven stages of mitosis, you could feel the start of a headache beginning to squeeze behind your eyes and you took it as a sign that you needed a break. Mindful of the cords, you leaned back in your chair and reached your arms above your head in a stretch before pulling the headphones down to hang around your neck. You rolled your eyes when you heard the music coming from Eddie’s room was still just as loud as it had been since that morning. Changing out the cassette tape and replacing your headphones over your ears, you ventured out to the kitchen to grab a glass of water and some Excedrin to try and knock out the headache before it could grow into a migraine.

Popping the white pills and chasing it with a generous swallow of icy water, you leaned against the kitchen counter for a moment to glare at Eddie’s door, trying to think of an idea of how to secretly get back at your roommate for being such a massive dick while the two of you were trapped in your apartment. Your plans were interrupted when his door suddenly swung open to reveal him glaring at a notebook with such intensity, you couldn’t help but wonder what could possibly be on its pages that made him look so frustrated. He drifted forward, doing a double take when he noticed you occupying the kitchen already, watching him suspiciously. He gave a small smirk before clapping the notebook shut and saying something that you weren’t able to hear over Billy Idol’s Eyes Without a Face.

“Wait, hold on, a second, Jesus.”, you said, tugging your headphones around your neck again irritatedly before asking him, “Now what did you say, Munson?”

“I said, ‘What, you don’t like Black Sabbath or something, Princess?’”, he repeated, smirk widening at your visible distaste for the pet name he’d given you after one of your first disagreements.

“Don’t really care who you’re listening to, but it’s a little frustrating when it’s so loud I can’t even hear myself think, Munson. Some of us have things to do that require the utmost concentration, something that is difficult to achieve when their walls are shaking.”, you said with sneer. “I still don’t understand how we’ve yet to receive any noise complaints from the neighbors.”

“Careful room selection.”, he replied, smugly.

“Huh?”, you asked, not caring to hide your confusion at his vague statement.

“Careful. Room. Selection.”, he repeated, punctuating each word like you were stupid, earning himself a sharp glare before explaining further. “It’s not that difficult, Princess. We have a corner apartment, and my room is in said corner, with plenty of buffer space between it and the walls we share with the neighbors.”

You narrowed your eyes at him in disbelief.

“Did you seriously just call my room ‘buffer space’, you fucking moron?”, you spat incredulously.

Instead of answering, Eddie merely tilted his head up so he was looking down his nose at you, the shit eating look on his face only growing increasingly more arrogant.

The urge to say something particularly hateful rose in your mind, but you quickly clamped your mouth closed and stared him down instead. You’d already given him more than enough satisfaction at the knowledge that he’d successfully gotten under your skin so easily, and you weren’t about to give him anymore. His brand of emotional terrorism combined with the throbbing in your skull was a potent mixture that had your blood boiling to the point of you considering physical violence as well, so you gave him a tight lipped smile before skirting past him and back into your room.

Slamming your door, you threw yourself onto your bed and grabbed a pillow, shoving your face into it before letting out a muffled, frustrated scream that left your throat a little ragged. It helped soothe your nerves a bit, but your head pulsated painfully as well, sapping you of the energy to remain as mad as you’d been just a few moments ago. Rolling over onto your back, you stared up at the ceiling as you heard Eddie return to his own room as well, his door closing more gently than yours had.

To your surprise and begrudging appreciation, you heard the song that had been playing lower in volume, though not by much. But it was enough to make it so you could listen to your own music at a more tolerable level as well. Deciding a nap was needed to quell the budding migraine making its home in your temple, you switched off your lamps and pulled your curtains closed against the watery winter light before settling under your covers and closing your eyes as Andante, Andante started to play softly in your ears.

———

A few hours later, you woke up in a haze, feeling heavy and warm under your blankets, and delighted to find the headache gone as your consciousness slowly returned to you. You quickly realized your headphones had gone askew on your head when you heard the increasingly familiar bass line of Holy Diver coming through the walls. You let out a heavy sigh, but resigned yourself to deal with it, since out of all of Eddie’s band preferences, Dio was the most tolerable.

Snuggling further into your blankets, you hummed at the pleasant cocoon of warmth around you, more than complacent to remain in it for a while yet and maybe even doze off again should sleep come over you again. Certainly wouldn't hurt with odd hours Eddie had been keeping anyways, you being an unwilling victim of his sleeplessness as well.

A spark of irritation ignited in you at the realization that your roommate was beginning to occupy your thoughts more often than you'd prefer as of late, making your cheeks warm in exasperation. It was annoying if you were honest with yourself, that of all the men in your life, Eddie Munson, douchebag extraordinaire, was the one you were thinking about on a frequent enough basis that you should probably consider it a problem.

Not that you thought about him in that way. Well. Maybe a couple times. But only when you’d been wine drunk and alone because he was out of the apartment playing with his band or playing that dumb tabletop game that you overheard him talk about on the phone with his friends when they were planning a game night. But that was besides the point, because you hate him, and even you were allowed to have a couple lapses of judgment from time to time.

The couple of fantasies you’d had were more out of desire to put him in place, maybe humiliate him a little while you took physical and emotional satisfaction from it. It wouldn’t be nice, it would be mean and rough, and it would probably leave you both bruised and maybe a little bloody.

The thought made you shiver.

It only took you a second to decide that his music was still loud enough before you were sliding your hand under your sweatpants and underwear to where a different sort of ache had begun to grow in you. You found yourself already a little wet when your fingers slipped between your folds, the contact making you gasp quietly and your thighs clench around your hand as you spread your slick around your clit. Using your two middle fingers, you drew tight circles around the bundle of nerves, little jolts of pleasure running through your limbs. You closed your eyes and sighed as you continued the motions, imagining dark eyes framed by dark waves watching you, that arrogant smirk plastered on his stupidly pretty mouth, making you bite back a moan.

“Fucking-hah-hate you, Eddie. Hate you-mmmn-so much.”, you murmured with a shuddering breath, your body already starting to go taut as you saw him laugh at you darkly behind your eyelids.

You could feel how soaked your fingers were becoming so quickly, and it only urged your frustrations on further, amping up your need for release as well. Pressing your fingers into yourself, you used your other hand to grab at your tit, lifting your shirt and squeezing it, pinching the nipple roughly as you continued to fantasize about his searing gaze on you while he watched you fuck yourself out of loathing for him. It was so fucking wrong, but, God, if it didn’t make you hotter than you’ve ever felt before.

The reverie continued on, the scene changing into one where you had him cuffed to your headboard with the pair of handcuffs you’d spotted on more than one occasion when you’d managed a peek inside when his door was open. He was glaring up at you while you straddled him, silent fury pouring off of him in waves since you’d duct taped his mouth shut as well.

“Silence suits you so well, Eddie.”, you purred at him, rubbing your thumb across the smooth silver tape gag. “Should have done this ages ago.”

You could practically hear the fuck you he was no doubt screaming at you internally. It only spurred you on further. Fisting his shirt in both of your hands, you pulled them apart quickly, the soft fabric ripping until the pale skin of his chest was revealed, the dark ink of his tattoos stark against his flesh. A muffled sound of protest sounded in his throat at the destruction of his tee, making you grin down at him triumphantly.

“Oh, I’m sorry, did you like this shirt? Should have spoken up sooner, I guess, huh?”, you taunted as you pulled the shredded article apart to further expose his torso.

Starting at his navel, you dragged a light finger tip up his stomach and chest before laying your hand over his heart, feeling the quickened beats thump up against your palm. You raised your brows at him suggestively before you dug your nails into his skin and raked them down his chest, leaving angry red welts along the way, one of them with his nipple in path.

He gave another muffled shout as he uselessly tried to pull back from the assault, his chest caving in slightly while his shoulders pulled towards his ears, tears gathering at the corners of his eyes. You giggled, leaning down and licking the salt from his cheeks while you rolled your hips against him, feeling how his own canted up slightly to meet yours.

“Ohhh, did pretty boy like that?”, you cooed down at him, noting the way his eyes glinted dangerously, anger still darkening their depths, but a hint of lust swirling around in them as well. “What do you think, sweetheart? If I took off your gag, would you beg me for it, I wonder?”

Outside of the fantasy, you released your nipple and reached towards your nightstand, pulling open the drawer to retrieve your dildo as your orgasm hovered just out of reach, the need to be filled prompting the use of your toy. You were a slave to your lust in this moment, your focus so entirely on your pleasure that you didn’t hear the door down the hall open again as a slutty moan escaped your lips while you teased your clit with the soft silicone.

Your imagination saw you caressing Eddie’s face in a facsimile of affection before you were pinching his cheeks between your fingers so you could hold him in place as you ground yourself against the growingly evident hard on pressing against your clothed cunt.

“What about it, Eddie? Do you want to feel what it’s like to be inside me? You wanna know how good it’ll feel to be buried inside me while I ride you until I come? But not you, you won’t be allowed to come until I say so, yeah?”

You watched as his expression of hatred grew colder for a few beats before it wavered just a fraction as he considered your offer, giving you all the indication you needed to know his resolve had crumbled enough to give him the chance to speak for himself. Grabbing the edge of the tape, you peeled it ever so slightly up, pulling it little by little until the corner of his mouth appeared, the line of it downturned in a soft grimace. You were gentle in your removal of the gag, or you were until you reached the middle of those plush lips and then you ripped the rest of it off in one quick movement, earning a sharp hiss from between bared teeth.

“MotherFUCKER!”, Eddie snarled, blood beginning to rise to the places where the tape had ripped the tender skin of his lips. “What the hell-”

Before he could hurl anymore profanities at you, you dove in for a taste of the crimson, sucking his bottom lips between yours and pulling it taut between your teeth as iron and salt flooded your tastebuds. His hips bucked under yours again, making you grin as you sat back on his lap with his blood coating your mouth like lipstick. You licked them clean while his eyes turned nearly black as they bored into yours.

“Alright Eds, either you can be quiet and obedient, or I can tape your mouth back up, okay? So what’s it gonna be? You gonna be a good little boy for me? Or do I need to punish you some more?”

His mouth opened for a beat before he closed it again, finally understanding his choices were slim.

“Mmm, that is a good boy. Though if I’m honest, I was hoping I might get to punish you a little more. Oh well, the day’s not over yet, is it?”, you bemoaned, sliding off of his lap and onto his shins, the feeling of his eyes on you as you unbuttoned his jeans. “Now then, let's see what we’re working with, huh?”

You had no idea what Eddie’s dick actually looked like, but something about his tall and lanky stature certainly translated to your imagined idea of what it might look like. Long with average girth, uncircumcised with a head as pretty of a red as his lips were when they were all flushed. Free of his boxers, it bobbed in front of your face before it lay twitching on his stomach, eager to be touched. It was enough to make your mouth water as you took in the sight of his nearly completely bare under you, as desperate for you fuck him as he was to hurt you for humiliating you. Leaning towards it, you blew on it softly, making it jerk upwards in response. You heard the stifled groan he bit back, not entirely willing yet to let you see exactly how much you were affecting him.

Crawling back over top of him, you shimmied off your panties, your shirt remaining so as to not give him any more satisfaction than he would be getting from you using him for your own pleasure. He was lucky you were even using him to begin with. Reaching between you, you grasped his cock, smearing the precome that had beaded at the tip around the head before rubbing your cunt against it to further lubricate it. Satisfied with your work, you glanced back up at him, smiling poisonously at how he stared at you greedily.

“Look at you, so hungry for it, aren’t you?”, you taunted before lowering yourself onto him, the length of him slowly engulfed in the clutch of your sex.

“Oh fuck.”, you moaned, pushing the soaked dildo into your pussy as you pictured Eddie’s bottoming out inside you. “Fucking hell, Eddie.”

“Well, well, well, what do we have, huh, Princess?”, a voice asked, cutting through your thoughts like a razor sharp knife.

Red hot shame seared through you as your eyes snapped open to find Eddie staring at you with a mix of surprise and entertainment on his face, his arms crossed as he leaned his shoulder against your door frame. Your cheeks flamed in shame and anger as well, as you held your blanket to your chest and sat up, flinging your pillow at his head. He blocked easily against it, holding up an arm and knocking it to the floor with a small cackle.

“Ed- Munson, what the fuck?! What are you doing just barging in here like that? Ever heard of knocking?”, you screeched at him, pulling your shirt back over your tits and glaring daggers at him, hoping they might become tangible and actually kill him.

He rolled his eyes hard, taking a few steps further into your room with a sardonic smile.

“Oh, cut the shit, sweetheart. I’m not the one who was moaning loud enough for the neighbors to hear with their door unlocked for anyone to walk in. And by the sounds of it, I think you might have been hoping for a certain roommate of yours to find you with your hands down your pants.”, he goaded, moving even closer to you until he was just a few feet away from your bed.

You seethed at him, grabbing your other pillow to hurl at him, but he was quicker than you, reaching out and grabbing your wrist before you could manage the throw. His smile was all teeth, the dark glint in his eyes going straight to your traitorous cunt. You swallowed hard as those chocolate orbs seemed to pin you in place.

“Hey now, no more of that, okay, Princess? If you want to fuck me, all you gotta do is ask, you know. We’re both adults, you don’t have to pretend with me”, he said, his words feeling slimy against your skin.

“Why fuck would I want to have to have sex with you? I wasn't moaning your name, you egotistical prick. If anything, you’re the one who wants fuck me, since you imagined your name coming out of my mouth in any capacity close to desire. Don’t think I haven’t noticed the way you stare at me when you think I’m not paying attention.”

“And so what if I have, hm? Hard not to when you’re prancing around in those little shorts in the summer, acting like you’re hot shit or something. But I’m gonna let you in on a little secret, okay? You’re only pretty when that smart mouth of yours is closed. Once it opens, bullshit comes out and you lose almost all the attractiveness you might have held.”, Eddie snorted.

You could hear your blood rushing in your ears, loud and fast, and before you could stop yourself, your free hand shot up and slapped him across the face. His head turned with the impact, the imprint already reddening his cheek as your chest heaved with barely restrained rage. It took him a moment to react, his face a mask of faint surprise until his eyes flicked back to you and a terrible smile began to take shape upon his lips. You shrank back a fraction at the headiness of it, unexpectedly fearful of what it actually meant.

“Do it again, sweetheart.”, he murmured, turning his face to look at you full on again.

Inhaling deeply, you pulled your other hand from his grip and wound it back before slapping the opposite cheek on the exhale of your breath, his head snapping from the force of it again. A quick glance downward confirmed your suspicions when you saw the crotch of his jeans beginning to strain under his growing erection. You swallowed again, looking back up to find hunger clouding his face, expression almost identical to how you’d imagined it in your fantasy but also darker and more vicious.

The tension between the two of you was palpable, thick and tight with unspoken weight that had you digging your fingers into your thighs until he was wrenching your wrists out of your lap and alongside your head, pinning you under him. Leaning down, he nosed at your cheek and scraped his teeth along your jaw, making you whine involuntarily.

“Mmmm, what a pretty sound. Maybe I was wrong, maybe not everything that comes out of your mouth is bullshit after all.”, he teased, looking down his nose at you as you glowered back.

“Fuck you.”, you retorted, your words having less bite than you’d intended.

He tilted his head and smirked.

“That is the idea, Princess. But I wanna hear you say it first. Need to hear you beg for me to fuck you.”, he cooed.

It was embarrassing how much your body was reacting to his. The role reversal should have just infuriated you further but instead it was riling your lust further. You fought to maintain your wits, but the need for release was quickly overcoming any sense you might have had prior to his body heat and smokey scent enveloping you. Chewing on your bottom lip, you tried to find the words to get him off of you and out of your room again, but then his knee was pressing between your legs and closer to where your aching cunt was begging for the attention he’d stolen from it.

A short lived inner conflict raged in your head before you were swallowing your pride for the moment and nodding at him. Taking another breath you gave your answer.

“…Please, Eddie. I-I want you to fuck me. I need you to fuck me.”, you conceded, voice still more than a little petulant but still agreement enough to set him to work.

“Not exactly begging, but I guess that might be the best I’ll get from you, huh, Princess?”, he said, pulling your wrists together to hold them in one hand to free the other to explore your body.

Lazily, he trailed it down your neck and chest, pulling the blanket down and pausing to give your tit an experimental squeeze, tugging the nipple when it peaked through the fabric of your shirt. Another reluctant noise escaped your lips at the sensation, prompting him to continue his hand’s travels down your torso and underneath the blanket to the waistband of your sweatpants. His knee retreated enough to make room as his hand dipped into your panties, cupping your cunt roughly.

“Wow, all this for little ole me, huh?”, he said, sliding a finger between your soaked folds lightly.

You knocked your head back against your pillow in frustration before pushing yourself up as much as your pinned arms would allow so you were in his face.

“Enough with the teasing, Munson. Foreplay isn’t necessary when I’ve done all the hard work for you already. Besides the dildo I was using before you interrupted is no doubt more than ample for whatever pencil dick situation you’ve got going on anyways.”, you hissed, trying to provoke his ire with a well placed jab that you were beginning to suspect was inaccurate based on the way his jeans were tented despite their tightness.

He was bigger than your previous estimations, and the thought made your cunt clutch in worrisome anticipation.

But despite your attempt to agitate him, he just snickered and gave a faux pout.

“Oh, is the poor baby impatient? Don’t worry sweetheart, I’ll give you what you want here shortly. But you gotta behave, okay? Want you to keep your hands to yourself while I get myself a little more comfortable. Can you do that for Daddy, Princess?”

You nearly gagged at the little pet names and how he called himself daddy. “You’re disgusting, Munson.”

“And yet here you are under me, begging for my cock.”, he shot back, letting go of your hands.

Sitting back on his knees, he yanked his long sleeve over his head and let it fall to the ground before moving onto his belt and pants, undoing them with practiced ease until he noticed you watching him with your hands folded over your chest.

“You can take your clothes off too, you know. Or are you shy?”, he said, looking down at your shift expectantly.

You scowled, hesitating for a moment before you grabbed the hem of it and shucked off the offending article.

“It’s a little fucking cold, you know.”, you groused as you covered your tits from the cool air again.

“I’ll warm you up in a second, Jesus. Really are such an impatient brat.”, he muttered, tossing the remainder of his clothes to the floor and giving you a peek at the rest of his body.

Surprise tugged your brows up when you found him to be carrying a bit more muscle than you’d anticipated. Not defined by any measure, but you could see a hidden strength in his arms and chest where you'd expected none. And when you finally caught sight of his dick, you might have gasped just a little.

It was gorgeous.

No other way around it. Thicker than you could have guessed, but not quite as long either. It was dark and heavy between his thighs, a tantalizing thatch of hair around it that thinned into a sparse happy trail that traveled to just under his navel. When you finally pulled your gaze from it, you found his eyes watching you with unrestrained glee at your surprise. Your scowl returned and he chuckled in response.

“What was that about a ‘pencil dick’ again?”, he teased, grabbing the edge of your blanket and pulling it down to expose your legs and relieve them of the pants and underwear you still wore.

“Oh please, I’ve had bigger.”, you lied, letting him further disrobe you until you were both completely bare and staring at each other unabashedly.

“Sure you have, Princess. Whatever you say.”

Swallowing thickly, you looked away and covered yourself as much as you could with your arms before complaining about the chill again. He lowered himself back on top of you, resting on one firearm before grabbing the blanket and pulling it over the two of you to trap in your combined body heat again.

“There, better, Princess?”, he asked.

“Not really, seeing as you haven’t made me cum yet.”

“Jesus Christ, you’re so fucking needy, you know that? I'm just trying to make sure you’re comfortable and you’re too busy complaining about every fucking thing.”, he spat, looking at you with such contempt that you could feel your blood begin to boil again in response.

Good, this is what you wanted. You wanted mean and angry and wrong. You hated him and you didn’t want him to be soft with you. Taking your chance, you grabbed his wrists and wrapped a leg around his waist, using the other to propel you up as you rolled him over so he was the one under you now, gaining the control you sought in the conversation.

He let out a sound of resistance, but you forced all your weight into pinning him, unwilling to give him an inch.

“This is what I wanted, Eddie. You’re right, I do want your cock, but only like this. With you under me, where you belong while I use you like a fucking toy as retribution for all the bullshit you put me through. The loud music, the snark, the disrespect. I don’t think I’ve asked for much as a roommate. In fact, I think I’m a fantastic fucking roommate, you should consider yourself lucky to have me as a roommate, but no, you act like an ass at every turn as thanks for putting up with you.”

He opened his mouth to no doubt say something stupid, but you quickly covered it and shook your head down at him.

“Ah, ah, ah. No talking. If you want me to fuck you, you’re gonna shut up, lay there and take it while I use you and let you use me too, okay?”, you simpered, daring him to argue with you more.

But he remained silent, dark eyes fiery as they bored into yours. Smiling victoriously, you removed your hand from his mouth slowly and leaned back to straddle him.

“Good boy.”, you crooned, reaching between your bodies to line him up with your entrance.

You gave him a few good pumps for good measure before you slid down his length, the stretch delicious as he filled you completely, already twitching as soon as he was fully seated inside you.

Eddie sucked in a sharp breath between his teeth as you rolled your hips experimentally, his jaw tensing as you began to set a slow and steady pace. You couldn’t help but revel in how despite his glare, his hands clasped at his legs, obviously itching to grab your hips and meet your pace thrust for thrust. Unable to help yourself, you grabbed his wrists again pinning them on either side of his head like he’d done to you and using the leverage to lift your hips higher before slamming them back down, the sound of skin slapping skin echoing around your room lewdly.

Your faces were close in this position, and you took the opportunity to recreate the part of your fantasy where you tugged his lip between your teeth, letting your incisors sink into the plush of it and draw blood around them. It painted both of your mouths in scarlet and iron, and you lapped at it, enjoying his answering wince before his tongue was meeting yours to fight for dominance in the only way you’d let him. You drew back enough for a thread of blood and spit connected your mouths before breaking and landing on his flushed chest.

Licking your lips clean, you dipped back down and dragged your tongue through the pink spittle before you sucked a welt in its place, the mark as dark as the ink that decorated his skin just a few inches away. A heavy groan ripped out of him as his body bowed under you, hips jerking up as you inflicted a heady combination of pain and pleasure on his body as you nipped and sucked your way up his collarbones and neck. You didn’t need him to speak to know that he was thoroughly enjoying the roughness, and you were eager to really take it as far as you could, to leave your mark on him as a reminder for him not to fuck with you anymore.

“What’s the matter, Princess?”, you crooned, sitting back up on him to grind your hips into him, the friction pushing you further to the orgasm you’d been denied for too long already. “Is Daddy being too rough with you?”

Something seemed to snap in him at the names, his hand reaching up to grasp your neck and pull you back into a ferocious kiss that had your teeth clacking into each other as you fought for control once again. His other arm slid down your back to grab your ass and use the hold to rut into you ferociously, the head of his cock hitting the sweet spot deep inside you repeatedly while you gasped and moaned into his mouth.

“I fucking hate you.”, you growled, hands fisting into his hair and tugging hard as you licked into his mouth, the ghost of his blood still flavoring the kiss, along with the subtle hint of nicotine and smoke.

You were becoming wild for it, desperate for more. Desperate for him.

“I know you do.”, he panted against your lips, his irises nearly engulfing the browns of his eyes in their dark depths. “Come for me?”

You snarled at his request, your cunt clenching around him as it sent you closer to unraveling. You wanted to come so badly, ready for it to swallow you whole and set your body ablaze from the heat of it, but you were still set on it being on your own terms rather than his. Pulling away from his mouth again, you released your hold on his hair to wrap your hands around his throat instead, squeezing ever so tightly as you continued to bounce up and down on his dick. His hands found a new place to rest on your hips, fingernails digging into the soft flesh there as he watched you, suddenly enraptured with the way you exerted your control over him so easily.

It was almost disgusting the way he looked at you, almost worshipful in its intensity; but instead of repelling you, it merely spurred you on further, your grip on his neck tightening until his face began to turn red.

“You’re a fucking freak, you know that, Eds? Dirty little slut who’s letting me use you like the toy you are while I degrade you, and you’re getting off on it, are you? You can’t even deny it because I feel how close you are, even closer now that I’m choking you.”, you sneered, enjoying the way his eyes were beginning to cross. “Don’t go passing out on me yet, sweetheart, I’m close too, and I want you to watch.”

Letting go of his windpipe, you placed one hand on his chest for leverage as you reached between your legs to rub at your clit, chasing your climax. You heard cough and gasp as he sucked in the much needed air, and you laughed as you felt yourself reach the edge you’d been working towards. His hold on your hips tightened as your back arched, your orgasm slamming into you full force, tears pricking at the corner of your eyes.

“Gonna come-”, he managed to grit out, prompting you to pull off of him just before thick ropes of cum spurted out of him and onto his stomach, his dick jumping as his orgasm tore through him.

You sat just next to him, chest heaving as you fought to catch your breath while you appreciated the ravaged mess you’d left Eddie in; sweat and cum coating his torso while his lips remained red with drying blood. Leaning over, you swiped a finger through the white puddle settling above his navel, streaking it up his chest before popping the digit in your mouth for a taste. You stuck your tongue out in distaste at its flavor and wiped the rest off on your sheets, uncaring at the mess since you would undoubtedly be washing them as soon as you kicked Eddie out in a couple minutes. But you’d be nice and give him a chance to recover a little first before you did that.

Looking over at you, still trying to catch his breath, Eddie gave you a smile. Not a smirk, but a smile. You felt your cheeks redden at the sight before the scowl you reserved for him took back over your face. The smile widened and he chuckled, pulling himself up into a seated position, mirroring you.

“That was fun.”, he said breathlessly. “We should do that again sometime.”

It jarred you just as much as the smile still playing on his lips and you ducked your head, averting your gaze.

“Get out, Munson.”, you ordered, barely any heat behind the words.

He chuckled again, sliding to the edge of your bed, but pausing to press a soft kiss to your cheek before grabbing his clothes and heading to the door, just narrowly avoiding a smack to the head from you as he did.

“Though next time, we should do it in my room so we can be as loud as we want. Want to hear all the pretty sounds you can make.”, he teased, closing your door just in time before your pillow could hit him square in the face.

———

The next day, you’d awoke to knocking on the front door and the muffled sounds of voices before silence resumed. Wiping at your eyes, you pulled on a thick sweatshirt before heading into the kitchen, your throat scratchy from sleep and needing a drink of water to soothe it. Eddie was already in it, almost looking like he was waiting for you by the looks of the smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth when he saw you enter. You narrowed your eyes at him before shooing him away from the fridge to pull out a bottle of water.

Taking a swig first, you sighed and asked, “Who was it?”

“The landlord. Said we got a couple noise complaints yesterday. Gave us a warning and said, and I quote ‘keep the feral cat sex sounds to a minimum’.”, he explained, barely contained laughter shaking his shoulders as you choked on your water, sputtering and trying to brush the cold liquid off your shirt before it could soak in too much.

“What. The. Fuck!’, you exclaimed, glowering at him as he finally busted out laughing, holding a hand up to defend against the blows you tried to rain down on him.

Strong hands grabbed your wrists and held them aloft as he smirked down at you, the fight going out of you as a different kind of heat filled your veins at the touch.

“I guess I’ll have to stop calling you Princess now, huh? Kitten sound much more fitting after seeing your claws come out yesterday.”, he taunted, leaning down so your faces were only inches apart.

It made your heart skip a beat.

God, you hated him so much.

[ackermanbitch]

Teenage Dirtbag (Peter Parker x Fem!Reader) Part 6.5?

a/n: so this is honestly just filler (which is why it's so SHORT) before the part of the fic that takes place during the beginning of homecoming. i dont see the point in writing for the rest of civil war when realistically this is as far as reader would be involved. also not using (y/n) bc i dont like it anymore :D

warnings: arguing?? but it's kind of funny, reader being very much tony's daughter and repressing very real and important emotions

pt1, pt2, pt3, pt4, pt5

word count: 730 (augh its so short im sorry, next chapter will be the normal length dw )

"Ross wants you in juvie, and honestly, I can't totally blame him! You were assisting war criminals. War. Criminals."

The teen groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose and trying to lean as far away from the boy sitting next to her, wondering why the hell he chose to sit right there when there was an entire private plane for him to roam. "Why didn't you have this conversation with me before I left?" She whispered angrily, adjusting the phone in her hand to speak directly into the microphone.

Regardless of where Peter sat, he would've heard Tony's yapping through the phone in response to being interrupted during a lecture.

"Oh I'm sorry my scolding doesn't line up with your schedule young lady, but this is the only time I could fit in to talk to you, what between all the meetings I'm having in an attempt to keep you out of jail!"

"Can't you, I don't know- tell them I happened to be going for a-... a nice stroll? Walked into the crossfire by mis-" She stumbled over her words, eyes darting to Peter who snorted at her idea before she even finished. He quickly cleared his throat, head turning away so quickly she thought he might've pulled something.

Tony brought his palm up to his forehead, some measly attempt to soothe his growing migraine, "This is not a joke, we're talking about you potentially doing prison time-"

"I've hardly done anything deserving a real charge Dad, they just think I'm going to do something and I obviously won't, seeing as my team of 'war criminals' are in fucking Alcatraz-"

"One, you need to watch your damn language and two, you think I don't know that? Of course I think these allegations are a load of bullshit, it doesn't make it any easier to shut them down." Tony sighed, checking the time on his phone before bringing it back to his ear. "Listen, I have to go, call me when you land and don't let Happy fall asleep. Can't have you two teenagers unsupervised on my private plane."

She glanced at Happy's snoring figure on the other side of the jet, "Yeah, sure, he's wide awake. Love you, bye." She deadpanned, hanging up before Tony could finish reciprocating the sentiment.

She may have forced a mask of indifference, even carelessness, when faced with the consequences but behind all that, her brain felt like a fucking circus. A circus with multiple tornado sirens going off, fires and mass hysteria. Oh, and every clown wore her face. Her stupid, 'rebel against dad' at any chance, war criminal assisting face. She'd rather end up in prison than have to face her dad again. What if he never forgives her for this, what if he never moves on, what if this isn't like every other time she's done something stupid, this could change the course of her li-

"You're not.. actually gonna go to jail, right?" Peter interrupted her raging thoughts, giving her quite the worried stare.

She sighed, fiddling with her phone, "No, he would never let that happen. Not with his troupe of lawyers. I'll get let off with a 'hefty warning'," She emphasized with air quotes, "AKA forty torturous minutes of Cap telling me how I need to make better choices. Though he's stuck in the clink right now so I don't know."

She tried to hide the slight shake to her voice, how it sounded more like she was convincing herself rather than explaining it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Don't tell Mr. Stark I said this but uh- Y'know, he's Captain America, he'll probably break out of there in no time."

She slowly turned her head to look at him, slowly letting a smile break out across her face. "Yeah, maybe. He's pretty crazy. Suuuch a rebellious guy, very anti-government."

Peter shrugged with a hopeful smile, "I don't know, this whole thing started over him not wanting to sign a peace treaty, that seems extremely anti-government."

"I guess you're right Parker, as always." She grinned, ignoring his flushed cheeks at her compliment and letting her eyes drift to Happy.

"You got a marker?"

--

taglist: @preciousbabypeter @lily-sinclair-2006 @b-barnes04 @ink-stained-eyes

[ozai-the-bonsai]

I will be raging on and on about damn stupid f*cking hormonal birth control fyi I NEED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW

I have been using combi pills for almost 18 months now, the first 9 months were literally perfect compared to my previous experiences with the pills, I didn’t really experience any side effects. But then it started with the constipation cycle, where I would get constipated for a WHOLE FCKING WEEK every month either on the third week or during the week off. I mentioned this to my obgyn and she said constipation is normally not a side effect of the pills WHICH IS PURE BULLSHIT I HAVE RECENTLY FOUND OUT AFTER GETTING LOST IN SUBREDDITS FOR HOURS DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY WOMEN ARE COMPLAINING ABOUT BEING CONSTANTLY BLOATED AND CONSTIPATED BECAUSE OF THE FCKING PILLS?!?!

Anyways I was gaslighted into thinking my body simply hated me but since I could not (yet) pin the bloatedness and constipation to the pills I did nothing. And it was fine considering all else.

Then my headaches got more and more frequent. I mean, I have never known myself without headaches, I think I have something chronic but they do even less research for headaches and migraines compared to women birth control so no hopes here. Mama has migraine, grandma had them too so OF COURSE I have it as well but mine is milder, without aura, however even though it is not always sooo bad that I want to scratch my eyes out, it happens too often for my liking. Moreover, if I don’t get migraines I get other kinds of headaches like whenever the weather makes me feel too much pressure or when it suddenly changes from summer to winter (which happens A LOT in Germany). Anyways, I give my best to avoid taking painkillers too often but I am tracking the shit and I now (in my exam phase) tend to get headaches four fcking days in a row each week.

I know I have always had headache problems but it has never been this bad.

Oh and not to mention that my obgyn prescribed me the pills with the lowest dosage of hormones since my only concern is not to get pregnant (and not to have my period shift +7/-7 days each month it was exhausting with pregnancy fear and so forth). I guess pills with even less hormones is not an option.

But the worst thing started three months ago. I HAVE LOST MY FCKING SEX DRIVE. To provide more context here, I have been like super horny ever since I can recall (ever since puberty hit and stuff), and I loved it tbh. Normally, my boyfriend and I would have some sexy time at least once a day (we got together a month before I started the pills) if we had enough time maybe more. But lately, he is glad if it happens twice a week. I have literally stopped thinking about sex and I HATE IT I USED TO LOVE THINKING ABOUT SEX!!!!

Currently I have constant headaches, I am constantly bloated and constipated more often than it is healthy and I have nearly zero interest in sex anymore. I mean, what it the fucking point of taking hormones to prevent pregnancy IF I NO LONGER WANT TO HAVE SEX, PEOPLE?!?

I just hate it. I started hating my body because I look like I am pregnant all the time - I have what some might call “a pilates body” like lean and low fat and some muscle and stuff, and my body doesn’t really hold fat so whenever I follow a good schedule it takes only a month for my abs to show. And imagine now how such a woman would look like if she were constantly bloated. I look literally pregnant all the damn time with my lower belly sticking out like a fucking balloon so I stopped wearing figure toning clothes I USED TO LOVE THEM

I will be switching to IUD in a month and initial plan was to switch to a hormonal one but I have been reading and reading and I am not sure anymore if I should prefer the copper one. I am completely lost. I won’t be returning to condom only because I have had more than enough accidents with it and had to take plan b before often times, this is a risk I simply cannot take. Plus the irregular periods make it harder to track when my ovulation can possibly happen…

Long story short: I hate the way birth control industry is only interested in giving the male all the freedom while showing zero fucking interest in the way all this stuff is effecting the female. Most doctors do not even ACKNOWLEDGE side effects like losing sex drive and constipation and bloating WHICH ARE MORE COMMON THAN YOU WOULD THINK, ask any women with hormonal bc experience for more than a year. I hate it all with so much passion I hope these people spend the rest of their lives constantly stepping on sharp lego pieces and having chronic migraines and I wish erectile dysfunction to the males involved in this business. Have a good day.

[crippleprophet]

hi! i have a question regarding. doctors being shitty/being incredibly invasive and controlling

some background: ive had neuromotor symptoms since i was a toddler (i was 'bad enough' to have the school district pay for my pt/ot as a toddler) which was (badly) diagnosed as dyspraxia by a neurologist who then never saw me again after i completed pt/ot.

i still have all of those problems now despite on and off pt since then and consistent pt for over a year currently. we went back to my current hospital trying to see a neurologist to discuss the results of an mri i had at a different hospital and set up 2 appointments.

we had an appointment scheduled with a neurologist which we went to regarding my neuromotor issues + mri as well as migraines. all he talked about during the appt was the migraines and told me i wasnt drinking enough water despite me having pots and drinking more than 100oz a day and that i was just stressed. he did not ONCE mention any of the neuromotor issues and dismissed me when i brought them up. he also told us seeing the other neurologist would be unnecessary and that we should cancel the appointment. at the appt me and my mom agreed with him, but we were unhappy with the outcome of the appointment with him and decided we should keep the second appointment to act as a second opinion.

the day before the 2nd opinion, we get a call from the first neuro saying that he cancelled the 2nd opinion appointment after talking to the 2nd neuro. this is technically not prohibited in the hospital im at as far as i understand, and my mom is planning to call the ombudsman to file a complaint at the very least but both of us are at a loss for what to do. i know i am probably in a different hospital system than you are so the logistics of reporting this will be different, but do you have any advice for what to say? i am at a genuine loss and as long as this neurologist is my current doctor i have no idea if ill be able to see a different neuro for a second opinion lest he cancel that appointment too.

[tl;dr: i scheduled 2 appointments with 2 different neurologists to discuss neuromotor symptoms, a mri i had done at a different hospital, and migraines. i saw the first one and he was incredibly dismissive and told me to cancel the 2nd appointment i had scheduled. my mom and i agreed at the time but decided to keep it for a second opinion after the appt was over. the first neurologist canceled the 2nd opinion appointment the day before the appt without consulting me or my mom.]

disclaimer that i am in the US and also a minor. if you or your followers have any advice it would be greatly appreciated!! thank you and sorry this is so long!

god, that’s such bullshit, i’m so sorry. you don’t deserve to be dealing with this & that’s incredibly inappropriate behavior. i’m obviously just some guy on the internet so take all of this with a grain of salt / weigh it against your preferences & experiences - i don’t think there’s any one right or wrong way to handle this & i’m sorry you’ve been put in such an awful position. (also no need to apologize for being long - i’m about to write you a novel lol)

i definitely think contacting the ombudsman is a good idea & i’m really glad your mom is on your side; you can also find the complaint process for the medical board in charge of his licensure by searching [your state] medical board complaint. here’s an overview of what happens with that process:

if you’re on medicaid or medicare there are additional specific avenues of complaint through that.

i’m going to file a complaint against a doctor in the next couple of weeks for some fucked up shit of my own so my thought process for that has been like, i don’t expect anything to happen to him, but it might help some future person who complains for there to have been previous issues on file. you might be in a different emotional position, though - if your complaint going nowhere would be devastating, for example, it’s okay to factor that into your decision of whether to file one.

i also recommend checking your state laws around your rights to your medical records, and while there are ways to obtain it after filing a complaint, i’d personally try to get any test results or other documentation that you’d need to show a different physician before filing a complaint just to minimize the risk of somebody giving you grief & dragging it out. i went in person to ask for my bloodwork results from the shit doctor & let the rest of my record with them rot bc i don’t need to read the bullshit he wrote & certainly don’t want it impacting my care with someone else.

as far as getting a second opinion i think there are a few things to consider:

i’d personally be super careful when deciding whether to try to make another appointment with neuro#2. it could be that shitty neuro#1 just talked to the scheduling department or something, but if he talked to the doctor themself, it’s unfortunately really fucking likely that neuro#2 is already biased against you. most (not all - my pcp is fabulously untrusting of his peers) doctors will take a fellow doctor’s word over a patient’s any day.

do you have options that are outside of that hospital network, or something like a private practice that’s technically part of the network but uses their own scheduling system? if it’s an option i think getting as far away (in terms of connection, not literal distance) as possible is your safest bet; one of the very few good things about the US medical system is the lack of a centralized database, so in a lot of circumstances your medical record can’t follow you unless you let it. i’m a huge proponent of giving my doctors information on a need-to-know basis; my rheumatologist doesn’t know my pcp gave me tramadol while i was trying to get an appointment, for example, because i don’t want to be labeled drug-seeking.

if your only options are where neuro#1 would be able to see the appointment, it’s more dicey - hopefully the ombudsman has better / more specific advice, but if it were me, i’d probably try to make an appointment in person to get a sense of the vibe & if the person scheduling seems kind/decent, explain that i had a doctor cancel my appointment against my wishes & ask if they could make a note or something to only cancel it if i (or in your case maybe your mom) says so. kind of risky but this whole thing is a clusterfuck so it could be worth a shot.

is there any reason this neurologist needs to stay your current doctor? because like, if not, get your records and get the fuck out. usually i just ghost my providers but in this case it sounds like you’ll probably need to formally break up with him - if you have a follow-up scheduled then if you cancel that you can inform the front desk when doing so that you’re no longer going to be a patient at that office. heads up they’ll probably ask why, it’s up to you whether you want to be honest.

if you’re comfortable doing so, after you’ve extricated yourself from this provider, i’d recommend writing a public-facing review anywhere you can - google reviews for his practice / the hospital, your insurance website, healthgrades, etc - so other potential patients are warned. i’d basically say what you told me here about what happened.

as far as writing your complaints themselves, i’d try to found them on as much documented evidence from other providers as possible, because the system only respects itself. so for the complaint i’m working on, i’m going to include:

what the doctor did that was against current diagnostic guidelines, & cite those

previous diagnoses & medications he ignored

what i was subsequently diagnosed with & medicated with

statements he made that were factually incorrect, & citations of research disproving them

if he didn’t talk about your imaging you should definitely mention that too.

i hope some of that is helpful! i’ve been researching & sorting through my own neurological stuff so if there’s anything else i can do to help or support you feel free to send another ask or dm me! best of luck to you & you’ll be in my thoughts 💓🖤💓 other folks feel free to respond if you have further advice!

[vmures]

I really don't know why adults feel the need to tell kids that their lives are going to worse. I was so depressed as a teenager, and I was surrounded by people telling me that it was going to be worse, that the rest of my life was going to be harder so I better get used to being miserable because this was it.

It's a cruel thing to do to a child.

It really is. I was constantly told to suck it up and all it did was make me feel like I couldn't talk to anyone about my problems. It's honestly luck that I survived adolescence, cause there were a few times I tried to shuffle myself off this mortal coil during those years.

I still struggle with depression, anxiety, and ptsd, but honestly life has only gotten better the older I've gotten. It still sucks at times, but there are so many amazing moments too. And those are the things that struggling folks of all ages need to hear. Not "pull yourself out of it," "toughen up," or "others have it so much worse." Life is not the pain olympics and I wish we'd stop treating it as such.

I also would have told myself there is no shame in seeking help. Also, if the help you seek is not helpful, you should keep looking. I was told so much bullshit as a kid, including that kids don't get migraines, so my headaches couldn't be that bad, and the auras were just my imagination. It's so important to keep trying, even when it feels impossible and hopeless.

[talesfromsiteredacted]

Dr. Gears Has A Rough Day

I notice our beloved Big Boss had left his sense of humor (what little he didn't lose in combat) in his other lab coat. Clef is back on his bullshit again, and yet again, someone has to talk him out of it. I tag along, just to make sure nothing... anomalous happens.

I walk into Dr. Gears' office. Great. Not even 9 am, and he's rubbing his temples like I do during migraines. Not a good sign. Even worse... he's out of coffee. Ah, here comes Ali, bearing the nectar of Foundation life. She passes over the coffee, and he sips, looking up.

"Thank you, Ali. I was going to have you send for Rabbit, but as usual she's early. Morning Rabbit. I assume you haven't been caught up yet?"

"Not yet. Uh... how bad is it, and what is it?"

"Your boss is currently chasing several D-Class, Dr. Shaw, Agent MacManus, and three MTF teams, dressed in a purple ball gown covered in sequins, wielding what I assume is a potato cannon. And singing off key, loudly. The Keter Wing residents are complaining, well, excluding 682 whom is cheering him on. We should do something about that, we're short on expendable personnel."

"And by we... I assume you mean me? Give me a minute to think of something." I come up with an idea. "Okay. Still with us, Ali? Good. I'll need a super soaker loaded with nearly ice water, three rolls of 100 mph tape, a funnel, a large bottle of liquid sedatives, and an air horn. Please do not ask me why." Ali nods. "Once you grab the stuff, meet me on floor 3, Keter Wing."

"All due respect, Agent Rabbit, I'm not sure I want to ask."

Ali heads off, and I assure Dr. Gears I'll handle this. Advantage of being trained by Clef... I know, to a degree, what to expect. Sadly, this is also a disadvantage for the same reason. I dash to the Keter Wing elevator. I step in, and tell Geoff where I need to go.

"Uh... should I be worried?"

"Clef on a rampage? Yes, but try not to let it show. It'll be over soon." I arrive at my floor, and meet Ali. She hands me the stuff, and wishes me luck. I set up my plan. It's so simple, it should never work, but it will. I just herd him into a trap, and let him have it. Thinking on the fly, I bless the super soaker. Never know when holy water will come in handy. After a few minutes, time to spring my trap. I can hear the panicked D-Class screaming as they get closer. I stand my ground, super soaker in hand. The horde runs by, followed by Clef. I step out, hit him with with the full liquid compliment, then crowd him into an empty cell. I hit him over the head with my baton, and grab the tape. Five minutes later, he's stuck to the wall. I jam the funnel in his mouth, dump half the sedatives down it, yank out the funnel, and slap a final piece of tape over his mouth. He looks... freaked out.

"Are you going to behave, Boss?" He nods. "Hmm. Still don't trust you. I'll just let you hang out for a few minutes." He shakes no. I pick up my radio.

"Hey, Big Boss? The Clef issue is resolved. He's taped to the wall, with a buttload of sedatives in him. Cell 8790. Uh, that's nice but not required. Right. I'll be back in five."

MacManus stops me on the way back.

"Thanks, kid. You did great."

[jazz-miester]

All I Could Say

Pairing: N/A

Reader Type: Gender Neutral Human

Song: It was a sin - The Revivalists

Warnings: Swearing. Mentions of smoking.

An: Chapter one of something I'll probably never continue after I post part of chapter two or maybe I'll do a rewrite. Idk. Just trying to keep the blog alive lol.

Word Count: 5642

And if I hadn't said "Hello." What then?

“So do right people with wrong timing ever get a second try?” - (Via Welcometothedarksideofthemoon)

If there was one thing I could wish for it would be to not have to wake up in the mornings. It always came with the expectation that you had to do something. That in order for a morning to be good you had to be productive. God that was a bunch of bullshit. Mornings are for you to contemplate life then immediately go to your nine to five job.

My alarm blares to the right of me Breaking the silence of the room. I pull my arm out from beneath the duvet, goosebumps prickling the skin as it meets cold air. I smack my hand around until I find my phone on my bedside table. Toppling over water bottles and pencils to the floor as I do so. I just pray that one of those bottles wasn't open.

“Ah! Shit!” My dumbass self forgot to turn the brightness down before plugging it in last night. It was four in the morning. Sighing I drop my phone on my bed and cover my eyes with my arm. “God help me.” It’s too early. Why the hell did I live this far out of town again?

The back of my head aches. Tendrils of pain curling around with the promise of a migraine to come.

The end of my bed dips causing me to shift to one side momentarily before a heavy weight flops onto my stomach. Drool seeps through my t-shirt. “G’morning Orion.” My hand meets fur as I scratch behind his ears. “You’re up early. Ya hungry?” He barks once and lifts his head so I can get up. “Let's go get you some food then.”

“Yuck.” I pull my shirt off as I nudge my bedroom door open with my foot. The lock broke a month ago and I'm too lazy to replace it.

I let Orion outside to do his business before filling his bowl up, throwing in some of last nights dinner as well. By the time I started the coffee maker he’s already back inside. Orion drops a stick at my feet and barks once.

“Ah. Gee thanks bud.” Satisfied with whatever was going through his doggy brain he left the stick to go eat breakfast. I toss it into the corner with the other sticks.

After getting my first cup of coffee I hop on the kitchen counter setting the cup to the side as I search my sweats pockets for my cigarettes and lighter. Forgetting I left them in last nights pants.

It doesn’t take too long to find them.

If only mom could see me now. Such a star child I am.

I flick through the radio to find a station to get rid of the silence while I smoke. After settling on classic rock I hopped back on top of the counter to drink my coffee. Flicking through my phone as I do. I flick through any social media for a bit. Looking for any kind of news, messages, notifications.

A picture of Orion had gotten twenty likes on Instagram. He was slowly getting up in age as the years piled on. It showed in the slight grey on his muzzle and feet. In the aching of his hips as he needed more and more help up the stairs or into the pickup. He also slept a lot more, which says a lot for a Mastiff. They already slept a lot. Lazing about during the day. He’s seven now. O got him when I was sixteen. A birthday gift to myself.

“Shit!” The clock read four thirty. I had to be in work by six and I lived about an hour out from Jasper. I down the rest of my coffee, now cold. and ram the end of the cigarette into the ashtray.

I scramble to get ready.

Pulling out random jeans, shirts, and jackets until I find something that sort of matches. Taking a little bit more care to dig through my rings and replace a few piercings so I don’t completely look like a loon.

I forgo cleaning my face to save time and go refill Orion's food and water dish. Leaving the kitchen door open so he can have the backyard.

I shove my wallet and phone charger into my pockets. Along with my lighter and half carton of cigarettes. I flick the lights off as I leave, turning the ac on so it wouldn’t get sweltering in the house.

“No keggers and no girls over.” I point my finger at Orion who huffs from his bed and turns to look the other direction. “Rules are rules man.” Laughing to myself I walk into the garage. My clunker of a truck and my bike sit, waiting. I grab my helmet from the truck bed and pull the keys out of it. Patting the side of the truck I apologize to it. “Sorry blue but you still need fixed.” I’ve been waiting for replacement parts for about a week.

I put the helmet on and get on the bike. Turning the engine on as I kick the stand up. I have to walk it backwards in order to get it out. The garage door clammers closed as I took off down the road.

My mom’s always hated the fact that I ride my bike. Multiple times she’s tried hiding my keys, my helmet. Fuck, she’s gone as far as driving nails into my tires, claming that I must have drove over them on the road. There's more, honestly. But it's not something I can think about without my blood boiling.

This bike was the one thing I had left of my Grandfather. It was his bike when he was younger. And now it’s mine. Maybe one day, if I find someone. I might pass it down. But as for now it's not a concern even worth thinking about. I'm fine as I am. Complete by myself.

It was an intoxicating sense of freedom that this bike gave. One wrong move and it was over. I’d go ass over tea kettle and night night Y/n. Or a trip to the hospital.

It was one thing I could control.

Another way to flirt with death.

I’m in town a while later. The hustle and bustle of the small town is a cacophony of sounds. From cars to children and chiming doors.

The bike's engine rumbles beneath me. My hands tighten and loosen on the handlebars as I roll to a stop. Booted feet planted firmly to the pavement as I waited for a greenlight. I get a few looks, not unusual, A little girl waves excitedly at me and I wave back. The light flicks to green and I take off.

I work in a tattoo shop. When I first came to this town I was amazed that I was able to find one. I pull into the small lot and kill the engine. Shoving the keys into my pocket. The glass door opens with a quiet chiming of bells. I rub my hand over a wooden statue of a dog that sits next to the doorway. A force of habit after working here for so long.

“Y/n! You finally made it!” I laugh and pull my helmet off. I catch sight of myself in the reflection of the window. My hair wild around my face. smoothing it down I reply.

“Hey. I made it on time.” I glance at the clock. “I mean. I’m only a minute late.” The old man smiles.

“C’mon kid. You’ve got an appointment at seven thirty. Set up now and it’ll make your life a lot easier.” John was the store owner. He started the place after he got back from vietnam. He held the same physic he did when he was younger. Corded muscle bound beneath tan skin. Just a slightly more round belly from his beloved apple fritters. I only knew what he had looked like from his wife. A sweet lady who often sneaks Orion treats when she thinks I'm not looking.

“Ya ya I know. Ya mind if I go pop in the Cafe after I’m done? I didn’t get the chance to eat.” John shook his head.

“Kid. I swear if you don’t start eating I'm gonna give you to my wife. N’ she doesn't take no for an answer.” I drap my jacket over the back of my chair, telling him that, indeed, I will try. The last time the couple found out I hadn’t eaten all day, Marie, John's wife, made me eat till I was fill to bursting. Then sent me home with enough food for a week.

I made a tray of brownies, the only thing I could bake without burning, and did all their yard work as a thankyou.

I had gotten two black coffees and two bagel sandwiches from the caffe. The barista was one of my favorites. Always asking about my tattoos and piercings. Asking why I got them and how much it hurt. I was happy, as always, to answer them. Today’s was whether or not it would hurt if they got a vertical labret like my own.

“Come by the shop and find out. Include some of those lemon squares and I'll take some off the price.” They laughed and said maybe some other time.

My seven thirty came in a few minutes early. She was a bit younger than me. Maybe twenty two, twenty three. And this was her first tattoo. She was a bit nervous but still held on to that bubbly personality she had when I first met her. She didn’t get a very big one. and it was on her upper thigh.

After going over the placement she sat on the chair. I taped the hem of her dress so it wouldn’t hike up as I tattooed her. Consistently I asked her if it was ok if I placed my hand here, is this comfortable. Do you feel ok?

It was her first time and I didn’t want her to have the same horrible experience I had.

Her tattoo came out great in the end. If I may toot my own horn for a moment. It was one of my own. A woman from the waist up, a skull in one hand and a sword in the other. A crown of thorns resting on her brow. It was pretty clean linework and shading. One of the best I’ve done so far.

I go over on how to take care of it as I clean everything up and place the protective cover over it. She’s ecstatic as she looks at it in the mirror. The hem of her dress flutters around her thighs as she moves side to side.

“Thank you! It looks amazing!” I just laugh and lead her over to the till.

“Ah, Thanks. M’ just glad you like it. Be sure to come back if you see anything out of the ordinary ok. Don’t be afraid to call either.”

The day basically goes on the same. Consultations, designing new tattoos, and actually tattooing. John has people coming and going for piercings. He’s actually done a few of my own. My labret, tongue, and nose piercing.

My stomach growls as we lock up and clean up. Having skipped lunch and downing an energy drink instead. My body, as tratorus as it was, rebelled against my poor choices.

I pull my jacket on and grab my helmet after cleaning my station. My back aches and my hand hurts from constant drawing and leaning over.

“Heading home kid?” John askes. He had a binder tucked under one arm, phone in hand.

“Ya. I gotta feed Orion, then I might go take a drive.” It was three going on four so I had time before nightfall. John pulled a dog treat out from a drawer on his desk.

“Well, give this to the big guy. Make sure to tell him it was from me.” I smile and take it, putting it into the breast pocket of my jacket so it wouldn’t get crushed.

“I’ll be sure to, John.” The guy loved him. Both dog and man being gentle giants.

The ride home is a bit longer than the way up. Having to pick up groceries for dinner.

Orion could hear me the moment I pulled into the garage. His tail thumping on the floor behind the door. Speaking of which. The moment I open it i’m knocked over by two hundred and forty pounds of slobbering mastiff. He barks twice, nudging me to get off the floor.

“Ya ya, ya old bastard. Here ya go. A gift from John.” Orion perks up at the name as I pull the biscuit out. He nibbles at the end until I release it and tell him “ok”. It’s gone in seconds. He barks once he leaves to go to his bed.

“Really feeling the love bud.” I pull my shopping bags out from the saddle bags of the bike and head to the kitchen. Tossing everything onto the table along with everything in my pockets and my helmet. Dinner was nothing special, a rotisserie chicken, potatoes, mac’n’cheese and some greens. I was too lazy to actually cook anything that night.

Orion rests his head in my lap while I use his head as a table for my sketch book. Doodling new tattoo ideas and whatever happens to pop up in my mind. A cigarette dangles loosely from my lips. Unlit because I didn’t want any ashes to fall on Orion and hurt him. After a while I set it to the side and pet him. Ringed hand going from his head to his back then up again. Orion licks my hand at the fourth round about. Brown eyes looking up at me.

This dog has been with me through some tough times. I left home when I was sixteen. Barely any money to my name. I was homeless for a while. Working odd jobs wherever I could to keep him fed. He’s been with me through yelling and screaming. He’s kept me safe from horrid people. He kept my ex from harming me. Orion was quite literally the only reason I was still on this earth. The only constant in my life that hasn’t left or tried to hurt me.

“I love you Orion. You know that? I hope you do. Oh god. I hope you do.” I bow my head and press a kiss to his head. I know that I’m going to be devastated the day I lose him. I have no idea what I’m going to do without him. Orion licks my hand again. Whining as if he could feel the hurt welling in my chest. I shake my head and lean back against the couch. It wouldn’t do good to dwell on things that haven’t happened yet. Nor is it good to reminisce about the past I've tried so hard to run away from. I haven’t thought about my family in a long time. It wouldn’t do good to dredge up the feelings I've worked so hard to chain down.

“Do ya wanna go for a drive Orion?” I glance up at my bike helmet. He just looks up at me. Then huffs. He used to love driving in the sidecar on my bike. I took it off a long time ago because it got to the point he couldn’t sit in it anymore. I always offered it to him. But, like always, he went and flopped down onto his bed. “Well, i’m gonna go on a ride bud. Ok? You stay here and be good. And I'll bring you back a couple of burgers from KO’s. Despite how bad you stink afterwards.” I give him another treat before leaving. Turning the tv on so he had something to pay attention to while i’m gone.

It’s cooler outside now. The sun slowly sets over the horizon. It felt weird not seeing mountains out in the distance. Just flat land with the occasional rock jutting skywards. As if it were desperate to touch the clouds. I flew along the pavement. Everything is blurring around me. I stay on the main road for a couple of miles before peeling off into an old back road.

Pavement eventually turns into gravel then gravel evens out into solid rock. Cliff faces surround either side of me. The air cools down even further. Icy cold and bitting into my skin despite the jacket as I drive on. The sound of the bikes engine echoes against the rock walls. Deafening to my ears. The rocks close in almost dangerously close. The sides of my legs occasionally brush against the cliff face. If it were any other time I probably would have gotten scared and backed off. Afraid that I would get wedge and unable to get out. But, as it were, I've gone here what felt like over a million times. So I knew that the walls would part again. Opening up to the most bizarre place I had ever seen.

An open lake with large, deep blue crystal jutting put from the ground and rock walls. I've never boon good at identifying crystals so I looked it up online. Nothing I saw looked like what they were. As weird as it was, those crystals were comforting. An image I've drawn time after time.

I just hoped they weren't radioactive and that my hair wouldn't fall out.

I will admit I've checked to make sure I didn't grow any more extra toes once. I. I got a little too high that night.

I come to a stop at the opening of place. Turning my bike off and letting it sit next to the valley. My helmet sits next to my bike as I walk off. It's quite a bit away, the pool of water. Maybe a couple of football fields length away.

The air hums with the strange energy the crystals give. As if though they were singing. My toes touch the edge of the pool. It was crystal clear all the way through. And at the bottom more blue rocks. Like one of those crystal sinks filled with water.

I run my fingers over the surface of the water. Ripples distorting the image below. I hum along with the crystals. My voice echoing in the great chasm. The moon reflects in the pool. Stars looking as if I could reach right down and grab them. I wish I could bring Orion he. He would love it. Peaceful. Almost to the point of near sleep. As if though this was the resting place of tired souls.

I sit down on my heels. Still fluttering my fingers in the waters surface. Fingers tingling from the cold and the crystals. My rings clicked together as I moved my fingers.

As stupid as it sounds I chances swimming in the thing once. Stripped down to my underwear and dove right in. Not only did I freeze my ass off but I fleet whole body tingles for a week after. My entire body feeling as if I got supercharged and down a hundred monsters.

I didn't do it again after.

Not a whole lot anyways.

I lit cigarette and just smoked for a while. Letting the smoke curl around my lips and float into the open air. Just breathing in the good shit and exhaling all the bullshit I had been feeling before I came here. Letting the place wash away all the negativity I held. Wasn't that what crystals were for? Raising your vibrations or some shit.

I jerked my head upwards as I heard another hum. This one more deep and engine like. I glanced at my bike. No. It was turned off. I look back up in time to see the underside of a plane.

I'm calm for all of two seconds before I realize the damn thing is falling down right above me.

I uttered every swear word I knew right then and their. My heart jumping into my throat as I willed my legs to run. Falling flat onto my face and kicking up dirt as I jump back up and run what is hopefully far enough away.

The cigarette falls from my lips as what lands in front of me definitely is no longer a plane. I fall right on my ass and lose my breath as the thing lands. The ground shuddering beneath me.

That mother fucker was a giant robot. My brain resets. Blinking a few times and pinch the skin on my wrist. Hard. Pain bloomed. Nope. This was real.

Deep purple metal glints in the moonlight. Thick legs lead into a thicker waist. Then to broad shoulders and a head with no face. The things looks around at all the crystals. Body vibrating with what I could only call excitement.

"Commander Starscream. I've found the energon deposit." Asshole speaks english then. Dope. And what was energon. From the way the robot rapped it's knuckles on the blue crystals I supposed that's what energon was.

At least a had a name for it now I guess.

I glanced over at my bike. Wondering if I could make it there without altering grape juice there. I was halfway between him and my bike with nowhere to hide. So either I ran now and get caught with a headstart or the fucker sees me standing here and maybe tries to eat me.

I didn't see it coming for me. My eyes still trained on my bike. It wasn't until I heard rocks being crushed underfoot did I realize it was making a beeline towards me. It stops when it realizes that I'm looking right at it.

My heart pitter patters in my chest. Drumming along to the adrenaline pumping in my veins. It's silent. Save for the creeking of my leather jacket and whatever exhale breathing thing it's doing.

Blood rushes through my ears. It's red eyes cycling dark to light then back again. My mouth opens before I realize it.

"What in the fresh fuck are you supposed too be? WALL-E on steroids?" It rumbles deep and heavy. Shaking me where I stand.

"And what are you fleashy? Another Autobot pet?" I snort. Did this reject barny just call me a fleashy?

"Hey tin for brains! I got no idea what the fuck an Autobot is." Bad choice! Holy fuck bad choice for words. A scream hurdles out of my throat as rocks and dirt flung into the air. Raining down upon me. Rocks pelting my head and shoulders as it came back down.

I blink the dust from my eyes and glance to my right. A large crater where ground use to be. Any closer and I would have been incinerated. I swallow thickly and look up at the robot.

"So. Not reject barny then." My voice shudders and my body both shakes and feels like it's floating. I can't move. Frozen to the spot as realization rolls over me in cold wave after cold wave.

I. Almost. Died.

No one would have been able to care for Orion.

He comes for me again.

I'm still frozen.

Move.

Fucking move.

GOD DAMNIT MOVE!

My whole body surges forward. As if though it were a rubber band pulled back as far as it could go before releasing into the air. It shoots again and I wanna vomit. Fear like I had never felt it before.

One moment it's chasing me. The next it stops. I turn around in time to see it being tossed into next Tuesday.

"You will leave the human alone." Its voice rumbles like thunder before a storm. Promises over disaster dangling on the edges. Red and blue become a blue against purple as the two fight before bright blue stained the rocky floor.

Red and blue lays down purple as if it were a child. Cradling it's head as it helps purple lay on the ground. Offering it solace in its final moments.

The crystals change it's humming tune. Red and blue looks over at me. I step backwards. Sky eyes lock onto me. Darkening as if it were upset that I had flinched backwards.

"I am sorry." It rumbles. It's voice unlike any other I've heard. Gentle and commanding. Peaceful yet full of chaos.

"For what? Saving my life? Uhh. Thanks. By the way." I swallow thickly. So either this is hella A.I or...

"I am sorry for what you had to witness. I prefer if less human knew about us. For the safety of your kind. No doubt he has sent images of you back to our enemy." Hold up.

"Barney was taking pics?" My hands shook. Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit. Whatever cotton candy here considered and enemy I did not want to know.

"Most likely. Yes. We have human allies. And with you being this close to an energon deposit no doubt he has thought you to be an Autobot ally." I say nothing. Do nothing. Was this gonna hurt Orion?

"So what? We part ways and pretend this didn't happen? I move towns and quite possibly see a therapist for what seems like the umpteenth time?" What I previously thought to just be a part of his face retracts. So. He has mouth.

"No." He starts. "You will go back to your residence. I will send Agent Folwer to come bring you to Autobot base in the morning." I raise a brow at him.

"How the hell will you know where I live? That being if I want to even see you again." Still quite a ways away he takes but three steps for him to come close to me. He drops on one knee. Hand dropping down beside me.

"This is for your safety. And that of any family you have. As for figuring out where you live, I will accompany you to assure no Decepticon follows you." His face is now level with mine. "I assure you. I mean you no harm." Something humms deep in my chest. Sparks shooting through from head to toe.

My hand moves on its own. My palm coming to rest upon metal skin. My hand small compared to the rest of him. He lets me. Not budging an inch. My fingers follow the curve of what I assume are his cheeks. The metal surprisingly warm and malleable. My hand shakes as I follow the contours of his face. Right up until I look into his eyes.

Not once had he stopped watching me. Not once had he looked away. They cycle and twirl. Like a camera lens focusing itself. Hot air rushes over me. He blinks.

Suddenly I'm five again. Bared open as me and this being look at each other.

I feel like I'm five again and staring into the night sky. Knowing full well I'm looking into something ancient. Something far older and wiser than I. It breaks me down to my very soul. Leaving me with my most vulnerable part. I swallow thick and jerk my hand away as if it burned.

He was old and ancient. And so very past his resting point. His body is tired and worn. And I feel guilty. Why? I truly don't know. But empathy wins over and all I want to do is say sorry to him, for whatever the universe has has done. For whatever fate deemed fit to steal from him.

"Sorry. I whisper." For touching what seemed like a gods instrument. Sorry. For whatever that God had done to him.

I glance to the ground. Then to him.

"Whats your name? What should I call you?" A smile. Barely there.

"Optimus Prime. And you, little human?" I hold my hand out to him.

"My name is Y/n. Y/n L/n." He held his own hand out to me then. His hand was so large my own couldn't wrap around one of his fingers. It was an akward little handshake, never the less, despite his gentleness. There was nothing but power behind that hand. He could very easily be rid of me if he wanted to. Left to be nothing. Just like the Decepticon laying on the ground. Nothing more than a husk of its former self.

"Home." I began. "Is this way. I don't think your gonna blend in very well though." He said nothing but nodded.

"I will meet you at the end of the valley. Y/n." He waited for me to get on my bike and drive off. I could feel his eyes on my back as I left. Watching over me for some reason or another. Maybe he thought there would be another purple robot?

The drive back through seemed longer than ever. Purely for the fact that I wanted to know just how he was gonna go through town unseen. I supposed I could go through the back roads. But then Orion would worry. I'm never longer than a few hours unless its for work. My legs once again touch the walls. A whispers breath apart. I shake my head. And who was this Fowler that I was supposed too meet? Was he a robot thing as well? Or was he human and one of the allies that Optimus spoke of. Maybe a government agent? I wouldn't put it past the government to hide something like this. Fucking hell. I appreciated it. Up until this point in time I was content without knowing their existence. And now I have to worry for mine and Orion's safety. Gods above I've really gotten into it this time. Lord knows was gonna happen at the end of it all.

There's a bright light when I pop out. And a large blue and red semi and im sent into a  panic for a moment.  Up until that thundering voice come out of it.

"I will follow you home. No one will know, Y/n." I swallow thickly and I'm thankful in that moment for my helmet hiding the surprised look on my face. I'd look like a right fool. With my mouth hanging low and eyes wide open.

"Holy fucking shit." I mutter beneath my breath. I had to drive past him in order to get back into the side road leading to the main road. My body screaming to get away from the semi from years of riding my bike on the highway. "Jesus christ he turns into a truck." Do the others all turn into other vehicles? Or is it strictly planes and trucks?

He's behind me the entire time I drive home. Just barely in view of my mirrors. Everytime I glance into the mirrors he'd blink his headlights as if he knew I was looking to see if he was still there. Showing me that he would keep his word. Dread swims in my stomach every so often; just because he saved me doesn't mean that he would be a good guy. I saw the way he took grape juice down. But. I click my blinkers on and turn left onto the road that leads to my home. Only one more hour and I could go and hug Orion and pretend that I wasn't scare shitless tonight. I glance back at my mirror and sure enough he blinks his headlights. Something inside me told me I could, at the very least, trust him to keep his word. That heavy feeling in my chest was back. A bright warmth unlike i've ever felt before. The only kind of warmth I felt once before.

Fucking hell. God damn gut instincts. I've only been wrong once when judging someones character. Despite everything screaming at me to not trust the guys. I just knew. That at the very least, with him, another one of those purple guys wouldn't hurt me.

Orion's howling when I get home. I don't even weight for Optimus to pull up behind my little garage and just dart into the house. Orion jumps up and gets his paws on my shoulders and effectively topples me over when I misstep and land one one of his toys. I hit the ground with a thud and get slobbered all over. Not one inch of my face is safe.

"Ah! Gahh! Orion! Dude! It's okay! I know, I know. I was gone to long but im here now!" I manage to sit up and hold his head in my lap. He's whining as he noses into my stomach. Every so often glancing over at the semi that has yet to leave. Despite wanting comfort in knowing that i'm not gonna just up and leave, he wants to make sure I'm safe. Optimus is the stranger here, and he's confused as to why no ones left the vehicle yet.

"Your companion is names Orion?" I look over at him. My hand soothing the top of Orion's head as I talk to him.

"Ya. Uhm." I look down at Orion. "It's after the constellation. I like learning about space n shit." And that's all he's gonna learn about me. Optimus rumbles a hum. The sound rolling over in my small garage.

"I will send Fowler over in your morning cycle. Feel free to bring your companion as well." He begins to roll backwards then stops. "And stay safe Y/n. Do not let anyone else but Fowler in." And with that he's gone. I watch as he rolls out of view before hearing some weird static. Like an old glass tv. The sound is gone just as quickly as it came.

I look down at Orion.

"Something tells me were gonna have a hell of a couple of weeks bud."

[crazy56u]

Happy 2023, and huge shoutout to the dummy who intended to watch this live due to having Monday off, only to then get asked to work that night anyway!

Already starting off on the right foot, he said sarcastically…

Previously on Quantum Leap: a bunch a shit happened, and Addison is in danger because of reasons.

Hard cut to paparazzi!

“Outta the shot!” Aww, that’s not nice, Ben earned a photobomb.

Okay, why is Carly giving off Janis Joplin vibes?

Also, why is Carly the tallest person in the world?

Okay, the guy Ben leapt into is 100% the guy from the State Farm commercials.

“I can’t believe you remembered I have a mom!”

In another world, this is a James Bond theme song.

“Addison, where are you, you’re missing some sick shit.”

Addison has been waiting two whole months to find out more about her death premonition.

“Fate’s Wide Wheel” walked so that this song could waltz.

There’s a world where this demo session lasted the whole episode.

“Sorry about that dramatic exit last time, it must’ve put a damper on the past few months.”

I love how Ben just sped through the exposition so that he and Addison could argue more.

“Carly died during her sound check. …wait, ain’t this-” “(Ben runs like the Flash)”

Just think, if Ben and Addison had their fight a split second longer, Carly would’ve turned into chunky salsa right then and there.

“SOMEBODY TELL ME WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED!” Dude, you have eyes.

Wow, this episode really is just “Glitter Rock”: a singer almost gets lighting rigged, and then they get murdered after the big show.

“So, what do we know?” Ernie Hudson, getting philosophical on our asses.

“You don’t just step into a quantum accelerator unless it’s to save a person’s life!” Magic, Sam stepped into the accelerator to make sure the funding didn’t get yanked. Pick a new theory.

Okay, but why would preventing Addison’s death require leaping into the future, though? Just so see what happens so they can prevent it in the past? Isn’t that overly complicating things, though?

Plot twist: Magic isn’t having headaches because of the time travel bullshit, he just has undiagnosed chronic migraines.

“How do we prevent something from happening if we don’t know what that is?” That literally describes 95% of this entire series.

Look, at this point, Janis is probably just doing all of the shit she’s done because she was bored, we don’t fucking know.

MORAL OF THE STORY: If you let your code become open source, it will fuck your in the ass.

Janis is in Belize? Didn’t know this show too place in the Breaking Bad universe…

“Is that Elton John?” “Maybe he murders Carly…” It would be a fucking funny plot twist if Elton John actually was the murderer.

I love how Ben is speaking into his wrist to cover for him talking to Addison, as if wrist microphone technology fucking existed in 1979.

“How did you see that light?” He has eyes, Carly.

Addison picked the worst time to leave…

“Look, I need to focus on my job, also I’m engaged, so, uh, yeah.”

Ma’am, it’s the tail end of the 1970s, I am certain you have had worse pity parties.

Ben has to get rid of a junkie sibling. Only in Chicago.

And of course the junkie was the murderer!

“I’ve heard such great things… (proceeds to suplex her)”

“What, you’re not gonna let me in either? You’re acting like I’m gonna murder her!

Only Ben could make a lie sound honest.

“Ben, how fucking dare you sympathize with the junkie murderer.”

What if turns out she actually is sober, and everyone is a jerk for thinking differently?

“Most killers don’t seem like killers.” Fucking mic drop.

“Look, I’ll be quick, it’s not like Janis is about to show up and eat most of my time.”

“Welcome back to Chicago,” a sentence no one says willingly.

I suspect Ian is a die hard conspiracy theorist.

“She used to write all my songs.” Ah. That explains the jealousy…

“I think her sister is clean and sane.” “Jack, I wanna yell at you, but not during the interview, come with me.”

Why do I have a sinking suspicion that those letters are forced, and the manager is the killer?

…holy shit, this really is “Glitter Rock”; every is a fucking suspect!

Meanwhile, in a place that is not Chicago…

“You happen to know the WiFi password?” Easy; “password”

“I’m not here to arrest you, Janis,” she lied effortlessly.

“Family’s complicated.” Janis, Al would have a stroke if he heard you drugged your mom, pick a new excuse.

“Why did Ben come to be when he had all of you?” … … …don’t tell me Janis was gaslighting Ben all this time…

I love how Ben and Addison have resorted to just pacing in circles.

Did Addison seriously dead ass suggest using Carly as bait?

“Yeah, that’s why you tell her about the plan-” Addison, that’s still using her as bait, what the fuck

“She trusts you! Try trusting her! No, I’m not projecting about you keeping shit from me, shut up!”

“Is this about Carly, or about us?” Yes.

I honestly hate how my “Janis gaslit Ben” theory is starting to make more sense.

“What’re you doing?” “What I always do when I’m in Chicago: almost get killed.”

And Carly decided “Fuck the lot of ya, I’m out.”

…yeah, okay, Trevor is the murderer.

“Okay, I’m angry.” No shit.

I choose to believe that wasn’t in the script; Ernie Hudson is legitimately angry over this plot development.

“Look, shit sucks, that’s why we need to talk to each other.”

And Carly has decided to get crunk.

“I’m sorry I snapped at you before.” You’re not, but go on.

“Carly, Trevor is the real bad guy.” “… … … ( runs away in anger)”

“We can’t change the past.” Ben, it’s this show. Shut up.

Okay, points to Trevor for not even bothering to try and lie. He knows he’s hosed.

Okay, Ben fucking “Bye Felicia”ed his ass, kudos.

Meanwhile, back in Not Chicago…

I like the implication several hours passed in real time, and Janis and Jenn spent all that time drinking silently.

“These are my bodyguards.” “(Uno reverse card) Try again.”

“I drank all the coffee. I can’t feel my heart.”

Hug your sister, damnit.

Thank you.

“Well, Addison… we did it.” “…Ben, there’s still 12 minutes.”

Meanwhile, Trevor is blacked out in a gutter right now.

“Look, fuck being afraid, we’re smoking this bitch out. The concert’s on.”

FUCK YEAH “RAM JAM”

…so he wasn’t faking when he was shocked about the invite?

Magic Payphone

“Look, I’m outta a job and fucking drunk, why are you fucking harassing me, Jack…”

Trevor, stop monologuing and state the name!

Did Ben get stabbed, or slashed? That was hard to tell…

Meanwhile, while Ben is bleeding out, Janis’ vacation time is over.

I choose to believe Magic is just going to lock in a broom closet until she talks.

Ben, you got stabbed, just because you are about to leap doesn’t mean you skimp on proper stitching.

“Good evening, Chicago! My back up singer tried to stab me tonight, so here’s her replacement: my sister!”

Now they sound like Fleetwood Mac.

Addison, that was mean.

And Ben’s reward for saving the day? The shittiest ER episode!

This was well worth the wait; the back half looks extremely promising.

[fighting-these-demons]

So when my migraine hit last night I decided on a whim to try watching more Yowamushi Pedal before sleeping

I got through S4E2 which was where I was stuck.

----------------

Continued Liveblogging

This is a liveblog of Yowamushi Pedal New Generation (seasons 3 - 5). I'm reacting to the show so there will obviously be spoilers.

---------------------

Then I grit my teeth through Midousuji and Blue Predator's bullshit.

Wow Naruko idk why you've chosen Big Homo Energy to try to trip Midosuji up but it's definitely going to backfire on you.

Also of course he says the shit he can't seem to say to Onoda out loud but as a brag when he's in the middle of a road fight with the guy he currently hates most.

Then I cringed so hard and kept repeating "I Hate It Here." While laughing during the slideshow for the Narousuji AU. Although I have to say Naruko would have looked Great in Kyoto Fushimi's uniform.

The little heart stickers on their bikes really took me out.

Sakamichi getting so hyped because his Senpai that he has a Visible-From-Space crush on is somehow there at the Inter High a whole planet away.

I feel so bad for Naruko about Day 1 but of course he's handling it like a champ! 💪Love him so much! Short King!!!

I think it must be the competition aspect of Sports Anime because I'm very stuck in my main ships. I can see how other ships are shipped and see their merit and setup and significance in the story.... but my OTPs Have To Win. They have to.

I say that to say that every time Manami comes on screen I'm repeating the SpongeBob quote "OH BROTHER!!! THIS GUY STINKS!!!!!"

He's nice enough and even though he's self centered he does like Sakamichi and they pair up well.

But I hate every time he's shoved in here. Of course Sakamichi's mom loves him and gives him a Best Boy hat that matches with her son and his team. Of course she does. 🤦‍♀️🙄

I get it. He's the oblivious to his feelings and nearly ambivalent cool guy thats oh so chaseable. And he's pretty and he sells well and he rescued Sakamichi that time and they became friends despite being on opposing teams. Star crossed lovers stuff. I get it.

But like. Uhg. I just don't trust him. He's got an undercurent I'm not fond of.

Idk man. At least the animators and people that came up with the openings and endings are on my side. Narukonodo is the ship!!!!!

That bit about Ashikiba seeing seaweed in his bowl and being forlorn about his lost love Teshima had me so sad and feeling for him and Yuki who both lost the guys they were in love with to someone else... although they lost the flip side of the other's loss.

Ashikiba lost his charismatic leader in Teshima and Yuki lost his sincere and loyal follower in Izumida.

So they kind of ended up together in a sweet and strange way and for a moment I was pondering on that and Yuki's determined devotion to his team - to Izumida who is his new captain and now the leader between them - and to Ashikiba to get him to the finish line... especially with Ashikiba and Izumida's combined focus on making sure that he can race the next day by making sure he soaks up to his shoulder injuries.

And Then Day 2 Happened

First of all let me say that it must have been HEART WRENCHING for Imaizumi (who's still sort of clinging onto his crush on Sakamichi during this race but definitely coming to terms with his blossoming feelings for Terufumi at the same time) and Naruko when all of the Spider Stuff that Sakamichi had been sharing with Makishiba spills out of his bag the day after Sakamichi's Moving Speech and Big Feelings about doing their best and winning Day Two so that they can see Their Senpais and Sakamichi insists that THEY HELP HIM RELAX AND SLEEP.

Ouch!!! They've gotta be mentally blocking that out. Especially since I'm sure they overhear Sakamichi's convo with the younger Shinkai.

Also I bet Shinkai the Younger made that nickname up for himself purely based off of Sakamichi saying he wished he had an insect related nickname to be more like his Beloved Senpai Makishiba because I've literally never heard anyone refer to Shinkai the Younger that way up to this point. Also hornets are Yellow Black and Red which are Sohoku's school colors so clearly he thought of a good nickname for Sakamichi on the spot and then stole it.

He's trying to get into Sakamichis head but I don't think he realizes that it might work but it'll work backwards before it reaches his desired endpoint.

Also I think part of it is Jealousy that Sakamichi is so baby girl and he basically is an anime girl which Shinkai said he wanted to be and said was the reason he's always wearing that magical girl mask.

NOW BACK TO THE TRAGEDY

So I was like dang that scene with the soup really shows how much it sucks for Ashikiba with Teshima having moved on and being so devoted to Aoyagi now... but it's also sort of sweet because now people have something to build a ship with between Yuki and Akishiba that would be good for both of them... BUT THEN.

THEN THEY TORE IT ALL AWAY FROM US

JESUS!!! A BREAKUP DURING THE RACE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

GOD THATS SO AWFUL!!!! AND THE FACT THAT AOYAGI DOESN'T SEE IT THAT WAY BUT TESHIMA ABSOLUTELY DOES!!!!

HE SEES IT AS AOYAGI ABANDONING HIM AT THE VERY CLIMAX OF EVERYTHING THEY'VE BEEN STRIVING TOGETHER FOR THESE THREE YEARS TOGETHER AND I JUST!!!!

AAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

THEIR BREAKUP SPEECH AND HOLDING HANDS WITH THEIR CERTAIN VICTORY GLOVES AND SAYING THEY WOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN HERE WITHOUT EACH OTHER

AND AOYAGI BRINGING UP AN 8TH REASON NOT TO GO BUT FRAMING IT AS HOPE TO CATCH UP SOMEHOW

AND TESHIMA'S FRONT OF STRENGTH BREAKING FOR A MOMENT BUT WITH SURPRISE AND A LAUGH AND A SMILE BECAUSE HE REALIZES THEN THAT AOYAGI DOESNT KNOW JUST HOW MUCH HE'S BROKEN HIS HEART!!!!!!!

I WAS ROOTING FOR AKISHIBA BUT NOT THIS WAY!!!!!! GODDAMN!!!!!

HE NEVER LET GO OF TESHIMA AND DIDNT SEEK TO FORGE ANYTHING NEW WITH SOMEONE AT HAKONE - WHY ARE THEY MAKING THIS AOYAGI'S PROBLEM?!?!?!?!?!?!

AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

damn I feel for Akishiba though like It's hard holding onto a lost love and like I hope he gets his moment with Teshima during this second day so he can let go and move on but I ALSO hope against all odds that somehow Aoyagi makes it back to them like Sakamichi did the year before and that he and Teshima can cross the finish line together side by side after pushing their kohai forward to victory! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[ghosttbeef]

feeling some kinda way bc i've been going down a little rabbit hole of tech videos on youtube ( technology connections! lots of neat videos that are accessible as laypeople too) and through that I learned that the reason every microwave has like. reheat, popcorn, cook xyz vegetable buttons, because the first ones to do this in like ~80s actually Had a moisture sensor and would calculate the time based on that. And sure, maybe some higher end microwaves on the market today still have these features instead of just slapping a timer on, but they almost certainly want to connect to the internet and have some obtuse huge screen with sign in and all the trappings of smart appliance bullshit in them. Whereas the older microwaves had all of this programmed in on a chip that is laughably small to how technology has advanced, and many of them still actually function while the newest Smart One is going to obsolete in a couple years because it will either fail or the service will go out or some other bullshit like that. and it's just so ..... these nicer features have always been available, easily so too, in 40 y/o tech that probably still works (AND IF IT DOESNT IT CAN ACTUALLY BE REPAIRED !). Anythign that could possibly have data stored on it now needs to connect to wifi, and you need to manage an account and beholden to the whims of the company that makes the service attached to it to be able to continue using it. I got a color changing lightbulb for my room recently because I get migraines and that was the only way I could really feasible dim the lights in my room without getting like... the perfect assortment of lamps or something. And these lightbulbs need to be connected to wifi to work, and they want to be on all of the time and the app wants to get my location every time I open it. Fortunately they don't need to be reconnected or whatever when I actually turn them off, and the app doesnt refuse to work if I don't give it my location, but this could have easily been the case !!

hell, my old roommates got a vacuum that needed wifi and I remember having to put off cleaning because it needed a fucking software update. (this is a regular ass vacuum btw, not like a roomba or something that could actually benefit from software). They got it during the pandemic when the old one broke and it was the only option within budget. I couldn't find any of the color changing lights that functioned without an app, like a remote or something- MAYBE i could find an LED strip or string lights that work with a remote, but who fucking knows at this point. I know I had one like that like... ten years ago.

i know everyone already knows how bad technology currently is and that it's built to be obsolete ina few years, and unrepairable to boot, but I think it's easy for folks my age and younger (people who grew up with devices that could easily pair to wifi) to think that there's still meaningful improvement in a lot of these devices but like. not really. lots of things that insist they need wifi to work could work via remote or just by having a database in them. buttons are more user friendly and easily repairable than touch screens. (my workplace got new ovens with touchscreens about a year ago and the touchscreens are already failing, but the old one with buttons was fucking Ancient.)

it doesn't need to be this way !

[vintagemiserie]

backstage, minutes til going on, daniel ran off to the van. mick, not jamie or john, booked after him. john seemed unfazed and jamie would be able to bullshit through the first couple minutes of a show should they get to that point. mick found daniel rummaging through a bag, grabbing a pill bottle, and taking one. "what the fuck" said mick.

danny looked sheepish about it, like he had a real explanation but thought it sounded stupid. he was good at making the truth sound like a lie by being embarrassing and bad at talking. "its for migraines. its like prescription n shit, i go to bartells and everything. honestly they do fuckall anyways. i just feel one coming on, my visions all fucked n shit, and i theres no way id be able to get through the show."

as they walked back, mick rose an eyebrow. "you get migraines?" he asked.

"yeah. usually i just get em during like lunchtime and if we're playing ill just power through whatevers left. guess my good luck with timing ran out though, eh? i might get a little loopy if i play at all, by the way, youll have to be on top of the tempo."

the show went ok, worse than some, better than others. daniel uncharacteristically shed down to his tshirt right at the beginning and took off his glasses, moving minimally unless to drink water. he played fine though, even rushed in spots unlike his warning. afterwards he ran off to john and they "hid" in the van while mick picked up at least daniels part of packing up, figuring he might as well be nice to the poor kid.

[aviouslyy]

I posted 469 times in 2022

That's 406 more posts than 2021!

9 posts created (2%)

460 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@cock-holliday

@breadwarlock

@azcrowleyfell

@beatlesweatles

@marble-guts

I tagged 124 of my posts in 2022

#tlt - 12 posts

#nona spoilers - 6 posts

#fanart - 5 posts

#q - 3 posts

#spooky season queue - 3 posts

#music - 2 posts

#btvs - 2 posts

#dw - 2 posts

#yes - 2 posts

#tlovm - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#i look at my facebook memories and i allow myself to delete one cringe post a day and eventually i will wipe any evidence of my teen self

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

14, 16, 22, 43 for the book meme??

Some of these are HARD, but ty anon!

14. Name a book where the movie/tv adaptation was actually better than the original

Mean Girls (lol I assume I haven’t actually read Queen Bees and Wannabees)

16. If you could bring 3 books to a deserted island which would you bring and why?

I’m going to cheat for one of these and I don’t care, this question is always the WORST

- His Dark Materials: the complete trilogy

- Gideon the Ninth

- Stone Butch Blues

22. Pro or anti e-readers? Why?

Pro! I’m a fan of anything that increases access to books/info/stories. (But I’m not a fan of DRM and other bullshit that comes up with corporations owning everything that enables access, so it’s a little complicated, fuck kindle)

Personally, being able to get ebooks digitally during pandemic/lockdown times has been so so important to me. I prefer the feeling of paper books, and screens can trigger my migraines so I try to avoid overuse, but I really love being able to jump right into whatever ARC I’m reading on my phone when I’m out and waiting in line or something.

43. Are you the kind of person who reads several books at once or the kind of person who can only read one book at a time?

I read SO MANY at a time, but usually one main fiction book, and often I’ll get to the point where that’s the only thing I can focus on.

Currently in my rotation:

- Cloud Atlas (reading so I can watch the movie as part of our Wachowskis watch through)

- Summer by Ali Smith (I’ve been reading the Seasonal Quartet along with the seasons)

- One new release for every month of the year

- Book Riot’s Read Harder challenge

- Theoretically, a book off my to-read shelf at home, one for each letter of the alphabet, by author’s last name

- Non-fiction on various topics I love

- Books by Indigenous authors/art books for work

- As many new graphic novels as possible for an ALA thing

- Buddy reads with Jo

- Spanish learning books

- Dracula Daily

- Theoretically, books my spouse and I are reading out loud to each other (we’ve got 3 on hold currently)

-idk stuff that sounds good or i impulse put on hold at the library

5 notes - Posted July 10, 2022

#4

the phrase “horse plinko” is just so satisfying, bright and refreshing, I’m so glad I’m back on this hellsite

5 notes - Posted January 8, 2022

#3

wait where did the Nona stuff come from what is happening please explain

6 notes - Posted March 30, 2022

#2

Imagine someone being like “do you even know what kind of evil you face” and you’re just like “no and I will not ask you any more about it” and then getting on a train to meet a vampire like “lol might die who knows” like mr harker what are you doing

8 notes - Posted May 5, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

apparently I’ve been back on tumblr for SEVEN MONTHS NOW mostly just rebloging absolute bangers but what if I started posting every terrible thought I have here instead of on twitter

11 notes - Posted April 27, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

Nice. (First year back since grad school and I missed y’all 😍)