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#and had a distraction from my issues
beebundt · 4 months
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fo4 fixation back. mostly nick
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phoenixcatch7 · 4 months
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Okay so I saw this post about dark percy (really him reaching his Limit and fighting full strength with everything he had) and I was imagining the potential fallout of that. Pretty bad, as you can guess.
The thing is a lot of percys strongest moments happen out of view of the olympians, especially in hoo. The hurricane atop the glacier in alaska, the poison scene in tartarus, bending the depression river and the one in the palace of nyx.
Stuff like the St Helens eruption got him washed up on an inescapable island literally removed from reality until calypso gave him the OK, the achillies curse he got tricked into losing by hera. Smaller moments, the minotaur, fighting ares, the stolen pirate ship, walking on water vs hyperion, freshwater sources, him knowing both Latin and Greek, they're more easily brushed off or at least mostly due to cunning, sword skills and sheer luck and grit.
But basically the olympians don't actually know the full extent of percys strength and divine power. They have hints - percy standing on the throne, winning against ares, his many victories - but what they aren't willing to brush aside in the heat of (an important) battle there have been pretty strong consequences for.
Heck, just look at Frank, he's no prodigy with weapons, he's polite and respectful, but his distant relation to two olympians letting him inherit shapeshifting earned him direct divine meddling and his life force tied to a hunk of half toasted firewood. Man is a honey bear with lactose intolerance and he was punished with a mythical death curse for being too strong.
If Percy's true strength came out, he would risk losing everything. His freedom, most certainly. If he wasn't straight up executed he might wind up in a Greek myth style imprisonment, the way of atlas, prometheus, calypso, or something like the myriad of ways Greek heroes met their end. Good scenario he survives a dozen curses and gets on with life with a dozen new disabilities, best case scenario he's stripped of every inch of divine power and dropped back to the mortal world, not even clear sighted. Total separation from the Greeks and Romans. Oh, annabeth would marry him either way, and his friends would hardly abandon him despite the gods wishes, but they'd hardly be able to see him, and no long range contact without the ability to IM him or vice versa.
All of that to say Percy is hiding his true strength from the gods themselves - maybe not consciously, and it's not even power he particularly wants - but if they ever find out?
It's game over.
But why is he so strong? I don't know. What I do know is that the half bloods of the books are so much stronger than the ones of myth. Used to be that divine blood would get you divine favour and a great fate whether you liked it or not. Maybe some cunning and bow skills. A spot of spell casting if you were really lucky. Achillies got his curse after he was born, Perseus had a dozen magic artifacts, orpheus had something going on but hercules is to my knowledge an outlier. Now? Everyone in camp has some special power. Flight, fire, necromancy, hypnotism, dream walking etc. However it's happening, half bloods are slowly but surely getting a lot, lot stronger every century that passes. Meta? I mean I guess. But.
What no one has done before is something that their godly parent couldn't.
Except.
Except Percy.
Except Percy, in tartarus, at his mental, emotional and physical limit, controlling poison with his mind, overpowering the goddess of poison in her home, making misery choke on misery. Feeling something in his chest crack. Doing something poseidon could not, and doing it better than the person who could.
Down there, hidden away from the gods, he evolved. For that brief moment, he did something, was something new.
And that was how the gods overthrew the titans.
And that's why they must never find out.
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vaugarde · 27 days
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i know we joke about mirabelle being the beloved token cis because of her quest, but tbh there’s something there maybe about a trans person who doesnt wish to get surgery and feels like they have to to be taken seriously as a trans person…. idk is this anything
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laniidae-passerine · 4 months
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catch me laughing in the club awkwardly because this season has a 19 year old blonde female companion from London, a space travelling left of law brunette queer boy who flirts heavily with the doctor, absolutely zero writers of colour and no mention of sensitivity readers…….and next season the new companion is a woman of colour. uh oh!
#he’s not stupid enough to do Martha again but be REAL with me. do you think this man can handle writing for a brown woman and a black man#and make it in any way genuinely tasteful. the one race he’s punched down and the other he’s basically ignored during his tenure :/#rtd seems to think because he has the lived experience of the great struggles of being queer in the 80s and onwards#which was a serious struggle and came with its issues#that he understands being a person of colour? like he wrote an episode about racism and then laughed about not needing a sensitivity reader#before he handed it off to ncuti. but it needed one because it was a stupid episode because he’s white and moreover#seems to think he understands WITHOUT actually getting any of the nuance. which makes it worse.#im just concerned to put it lightly#like chibnall’s bad habit was ‘good episode followed by a bad episode so bad you forget the good episode even existed’#but at least he got writers of colour in to make some of those episodes! he actually cared! and also fumbled real bad (nazi uniform… ://)#still. he actually gave it a pretty good shot and opened some doors behind the scenes. like the writer’s room which is just as important#and also in the scenes tbf like yaz and ryan sharing scenes as poc companions during the same run was groundbreaking#and rtd just closed them again going actually no im doctor who’s most specialist boy and we should do my run all over again#stop this man. get someone new in. he is not much better than chibnall rn like he is not batting hits#stop letting the world’s most charismatic doctor (ncuti i will get rid of regeneration to keep you. i love you. wish you had better writing)#distract you from the fact RTD is doing a ‘biggest hits’ tour rn. stop him!!!!!!! please can we have a showrunner of colour! a woman! please#rtd critical#doctor who#dw
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ciderjacks · 19 days
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argh. This comic writing is taking me way longer than usual. I keep editing things and it doesn’t feel right.
#wip#i think I finally got it#The issue is usually plots come to me formed yk#But for this one#I did have a plot but it was more related to Chil having a v bad experience and Mei hearing about it and then him telling her#Not to go thru with her plans to become involved with adventures in a sort of threatening way#So I had that all sketched out and then randomly I decided I wanted more drama#so initially I extended it and had it be that maybe she tried to hug him or something but he reacted Badly bc of his aforementioned shit#But I didn’t like that and it felt jarring and sort of…over dramatic. Too much.#So then I got rid of that. And then I was like well maybe he and Mei should actually have a conversation about it#Like he brings it up#So I wrote that and I had him get really mad at her and let that sit around for a minute bc uh-oh there’s another problem#Seee the issue with doimg multiple rewrites of something is suddenly the part that was initially meant to be the focus. Is not important#Anymore and is actually distracting from the main point#So OK I delete all that and rewrite that to make it less distracting#Still keep the important buildup in that scene but focus on Mei more bc this is a comic that’s from her pov#Ok ok yeah. I like that. But THEN#UH OH NEW PROBLEM. ! Remember that He gets really mad scene? The one I let sit to go worry about the middle section#Well. Haha. I read the whole comic back again to check for flow and shit#Get to the end#WOW ITS OUT OF CHARACTER AND JARRING. He’s not mean or anything I just don’t think he’d yell in that sort of emotional way?#I got so lost in the sauce I forgot to write good#So now I’m stuck. It’s so out of character so obviously I get rid of that problem.#Change it so he does still yell but less and also differently. and also now Mei gets to be pissed tf off#and tied it into several previous comics since I like things to be connected to each other#I think?? I think I’m happy with it now…but Jesus Christ#I don’t usually have to do Any rewrites#And the number of other comics I want to do is piling up so I take breaks to sketch those out for later#Then return. To my undoing.
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szampers · 5 months
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Personal notes from before the szpd epiphany nr. 1: on maintaining online correspondences. More info in tags
sometimes I want to be alone. Arguably way too often. A break from online interaction too, that at its core is people interaction too.
Connection, in whatever kind of form, is far better than total isolation. The benefits outweigh the bad, though that too isn't pleasant to endure. I keep thinking about returning to my original state of isolation.
Going off for a break is fine. But what if you don't come back? they could be on my mind for the entire duration, yet I don't reply to them or share whatever it is that I've been up to. It's probably the maintenance which is the hardest part.
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essektheylyss · 1 year
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I just had a very nice moment with a little wasp that sat next to me and cleaned herself while I was reading, and then immediately after almost got MUGGED BY A SQUIRREL.
I am very comfortable being around critters but goddamn some of them really need to be less comfortable around humans.
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solarpunkvince · 7 months
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on the train to my new gender therapist and looking out the window the world is so pretty <3
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laikahh · 11 days
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ordered yummy fries and onion rings from a local fast food place cause i wanted to get something to munch on while i watch fight club (wind breaker obsession 😔) & the website told me that theyll arrive in OVER AN HOUR........ girl this is just like the car seat headrest ep living while starving featuring incredible songs like its only sex and reuse the cels
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privilegedjester · 2 months
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so if my parents end up getting me an adhd diagnosis it'll be because of epic!
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piplupod · 3 months
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mistakes were made. should not have gone to library today. i will be leaving the house all five days of the week now (plus we went to a waterside on sunday for several hours) and uhm... i feel like i need to go hibernate for several weeks to feel even remotely okay again fhdkdl i am so tired i can barely think enough to string words together in any comprehendable way 🧍<- upset
#oohoohoo the self destructive ''well maybe I'll just push myself bc im going to be tired either way'' sure was a bad choice!#''lol who cares anymore im sick of being fatigued and im probably just making it up'' you are a fucking idiot god bless your soul#and yet.... the urge to Make It Worse is still so strong.... gee i sure do love p.mdd!#honest to god im so fucking frustrated w this brain lately#been trying to hide any sharps away from myself because I've just been so wildly careening into self destructive tendencies#and im sick of trying to like. control myself. i am my own keeper and im fucking sick of it gjfkdl#im trying so fucking hard to hold it together and keep myself on the right path but im really just incredibly tired#it feels like im trying to wrestle a knife out of a toddler's hand#and then the toddler cries and tantrums bc they wanted the knife#and i have nothing to give them to distract them. except im also the toddler.#idk how long i can keep this up for bc im ALSO managing other ppls emotions and baggage and shit at the centre#and over text. mainly that one person who i wish would just fucking leave me alone#but her grandma is literally on her deathbed so I can't rly try learning how to be firm rn#bc if i try to be firm i worry i will end up being a dick and i dont want to do that while she's struggling w pre-emptive grief#i don't know !!! im just so goddamn exhausted and struggling#and the world seems very cruel and terrifying and im honestly convinced im never going to find a way to exist peacefully in it#like im always going to be scared and struggle to trust ppl and struggle to socialize and feel safe anywhere#im going to be so honest. i wish i had One friend irl fhfkdl like. i think that would help a lot of my issues#to have someone i care about and respect and who actually cares about AND respects me back#and who i could just. be around. exist in the same vicinity. and not feel so scared and unsafe#a bit of a break from those constant feelings while not being isolated#who i could do activities with ???#thats actually so hard for me to imagine ever having ffhdjlsl its been so many years since I've had any semblance of that#it doesn't feel like im ever going to have that again :') it feels so impossible. pipe dream. unrealistic and unattainable#okay i need to shut up fhdksl sorry for being so insane on here every day jfc#one of these days i hope i will be genuinely stable for like... longer than a day fhfkdl#pippen needs 2nd breakfast#self harm mention
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lucifer · 11 months
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I’ve legitimately had a rotten day today. :(
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divinekangaroo · 4 months
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I wrote (longhand) soooooooooo much (gratuitous modern PB AU) while on four days of absolutely internet-less camping.
Tonight I have written nothing XD
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lucalicatteart · 2 years
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Poll adventure (paventure? lol) Day 11: read the small story tidbit below the poll for more details, OR just vote based on initial impression
(✦ see past poll results + further information HERE (link) ✦)
Yesterday's poll decided that The Adventurer should curiously socialize with a few of the boat travelers ...
~
"The Adventurer grabs one of the ornate glass bowls near the buffet table, meekly gathering some cheese and vegetables as he scans the crowd. For the first 15 minutes of the lunch, he mostly crouches in a corner seat, nibbling on his food and nervously fielding the occasional drunken question from a passing party guest..
Knowing he should.. probably... actually socialize at some point, he begrudgingly chooses conversational partners, squeezing his eyes shut and pointing around randomly until he lands on someone.....
The first is a scrawny man in a flashy suit, wobbly from wine but still keeping a vaguely charming demeanor about him. He proudly introduces himself as a "legal expert", then goes on to ramble for a while about the laws in the area, how drastically they vary from city to city (plus a few veiled hints on how to safely break them), and that if you travel a lot it can be hard to keep up with it all.
He mentions, quite conveniently, that he's recently published a book on the topic, a legal guide for local explorers, and offers to give The Adventurer a copy for a special discounted price... but... then soon recalls that the crate of books he'd planned to sell on the boat sadly ended up falling into the river earlier during a "silly little mishap"..
In place of a book, he simply slides The Adventurer a glossy mint colored paper swirled with golden floral motifs, supposedly serving as some sort of business card, though the actual contact information seems obscured beneath the cluttered design. The Lawyer also pulls off his scarf as he rises to leave, wrapping it around The Adventurer's shoulders with a little waving flourish (not the first time someone has confused his anxious shaking for cold shivers). The Adventurer stutters out a confused thank you, then watches as the Lawyer stumbles off, mumbling to himself that he's been drinking too much and "truly must find somewhere to piss"......
The second person he approaches is an older woman, hunched over a table fidgeting with a handful of colorful glass dice, spinning and stacking and arranging them into patterns whilst her thoughts drift elsewhere. Initially, she gives evasive answers when asked personal questions, but soon grows more talkative once the topic of local flora and fauna arises. She apparently used to adventure as well, roaming the lands to document various elements of nature relevant to her mysterious "private research" - though, at her age, she's now resigned to casual boat rides rather than riskily hiking alone through uncharted wilderness. Gently laying a worn leather journal of watercolor paintings out onto the tabletop, she points at various berries, leaves, and animals, eagerly describing their significance...
After chatting for a while, she abruptly changes topics, mentioning that sometimes she can "sense things which she should not" (whatever the hell that means), then asks him to pick one of her dice. He hesitates, but she just stares, refusing to elaborate further.. Finding even 30 seconds of awkward silent eye contact physically impossible to bear, he hurriedly plops a finger down in front of an iridescent yellow die. She chuckles..
Scooping up all of the dice from the table, she rattles them in her clasped hands, then brings them up to her ear as if to listen... to something?? A few moments later, she turns back to him, speaking in a raspy whisper: "There are others, melding your footprints with their own, seeking a gift you do not yet know - this is what I see."
Before he can ask her for any elaboration, the Captain returns, grumbling that The Adventurer has already stayed 5 minutes past the time limit and swatting at him with a broom to shoo him off of the boat. Apparently an hour can go by fast....
After climbing back into his dinky raft, he sails mostly successfully down the river, finally making it to a point that, at least based on his map, SHOULD be where the main road picks back up past the detour. He crashes into a small grouping of rocks whilst trying to navigate back to the shore, but he was planning on disassembling the raft to get his rope and supplies back anyway, so.. aside from a scraped knee and possibly broken pinky toe, he decides it's actually fine. The cat is okay, which is all that really matters, anyhow.
By the time he's taken apart his boat, eaten a quick meal, and bandaged his leg, the sun seems to have nearly set. It's later in the night than he'd usually like to travel, but, where he's going is a pretty commonly used road, so maybe it's safe? He's exhausted from socializing, but could probably muster enough energy to walk for at least a while. Or perhaps he should just call it a night and find a place to sleep.. But.. where??? What should he do?
-
Additional information
acquired a long, warm, expensive scarf
acquired slightly increased knowledge of local plants
acquired vague information from the 'dice based fortune teller', or whatever that was meant to be
acquired a business card (+ ability to get away with one minor crime free of legal consequence)
acquired mild nausea for the next 5hrs from weird buffet cheese
acquired badly scraped knee and sprained toe (will walk slightly slower for the next 2 days)
the adventurer's current main goal: follow his map to reach the abandoned castle ruins and see the rare animal specialist about the mysterious egg he has
#paventure posting#polls#choose your own adventure#okay yeahgh this one took like a week instead of a few days lol#I've went back to physical therapy for my chronic chest muscle issue and I think one of the new excercises they gave me in the#appointment ended up really irritating something instead of helping it because I was having way worse and sharper#chest pain for a few days. I went to the doctor and got an ekg just to rule out anything bad like that because I seriously#thought something was wrong but.. apparently it's just the same thing as always. It feels a bit better now#and hopefully wont get bad again if I ease into the excercises more. but for a few days I really didn't want to use my arms at all#so that means like.. not drawing or typing. also when I feel bad I kind of stray away from social media? I know for some peopls#social media is a good distraction when they're sick or whatever but I just find it stressful. I usually just lay on the floor#for a few days with silly cooking shows or Carefully Curated Youtube Videos That Specifically Contain Absolutley Zero Possibility#Of Stressful content Whatsoever on in the background lol.. ANYWAY.#I am at the moment able to use the computer again so I could draw things. hopefully will get on better schedules again one day#anyway!!... HE!!! adventure man... Again I hate trying to shorten things by just describing the conversations without dialogue#like saying “they talked about trees” rather than literally writing out a transcript of the entire conversation they had about trees#etc. I think because most of the time when I write it's in a very dialogue heavy context (like script type things. or visual novels/games#where lots of characters are talking and it's mostly that. etc.) So it feels awkward and bad to just skip over things#But also these would take days and days and days to do if I wrote out pages of conversation so I'm just doing vaguely rushed shortcut writi#writing trying to include only details that are necessary or etc. but ggbhjbhj... it's just so opposite to what I usually like#I always walk away like 'FINE.. i GUESS.. that will have to do >:T' lol#Kind of like how I hate literally every bit of digital art I have ever done because I'm so used to traditional art - specifically pencil#and pen stuff that's very sketchy and messy - and then digital art is all about clean even neat lines with a line tool and very polished#clean coloring - so it's super super opposite to my usual sketchy things and just Feels Wrong. I kind of like ms paint because it feels#like a middle ground like. it's somehow also sketchy even though it's digital. multiple pixelly lines over each other give it a 'sketch'#type feel. BUt anyway. It's supposed to be casual and quick and fun! I will choose to ignore all art and writing errors because#it is all about having a little advenchure! :3 As long as the main idea is clear enough for the voting to make sense . who cares#Remember to keep him safe! the dice lady is trying to help him. Regardless of where he sleeps though he can probably use the scarf#as a new warm blanket addition to his existing meager bedding situation lol. soft. fluffy. the cat will love it probably#Also again. whenever he talks to people the text will be longer. Sorry. Still trying for most of them to be short blurbs lol
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laneaconite · 5 months
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Looking for Progress
When I'm home alone, you'll hear my whistle echoing along the white-washed walls. Or in the garden, handrake turning soil singing along to songs invented in my head. A poem can be a song if only one sings along instead.
My sister used to want to be a singer, we’d twirl back and forth together, making up what we thought were melodies, but our brother, he’d hear us and scream: "You sound like you’re skinning cats alive!"
Quick stab to the gut, good twist of the knife, scarred with stale blood still roiling beneath. He’d call it a joke but we’d call it a wound, That’s three against one!
We danced and sang for our amusement, for his, he cannibalized our dreams.
-Lane Aconite
December 29, 2023
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feeling sick constantly in the background all the time is like.. usually negligible-ish.. until multiple various chronic background issues all happen to overlap at once and then it’s like 
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#Like usually I cycle between like. joint pain issues. chest muscle injury stuff. back pain. stomach problems. headaches. etc.#There is never a day that I feel totally normal for the most part. but it's usually just little things here and there on and off#chronic things that seem to flare up sometimes. But then every once in a while it's like the flare ups align and I'll have 6 of the problems#at the same time and then is AaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#For some reason it's okay to deal with one or two of these things at any given time. but if I have to deal with like 3+ at once#or two of the old ones plus one NEW thing I've never had before or etc. etc.#I just can't even do anything. I run around stressed out of my mind unable to focus on any tasks or do anything but feel bad#then I cant even play games or do fun stuff becuause my brain wont let me be distracted from fixating on the fact that I feel bad#It's kind of the same way that it's stressful for me to go into grocery stores because my brain LITERALLY just is not capable of tuning out#all of the noises and lights and sensory information - so it' gets overwhelming quickly. I also just literally cannot tune out sensory infor#mation from my body. so if something feels even a LITTLE weird or a LITTLE painful or is even slightly different than usual#especially if it's overlapping with multiple other 'low level chronic pain' type things then my brain is just like.. being given way too muc#h information that it still cant tune out and then I can't focus and just walk around in a daze for however long until one of the issues#goes away on it's own (like joint pain flare ups usually come and go etc. etc.). or until I see a doctor abut whatever the new thing is#and maybe something they do or say actually helps or etc. etc.#Idk I have SO SO much I want to do the beginning of the year and so many projects to finish and things to post and schedules I have#written out for me to get on (like excercising more consistently and etc.) and it's just furstrating for my brain to just be like#ah.. nope.. we are not doing that. instead we are going to be completely incapacitated by a host of physical issues#which I think most ''normal people'' would just ignore like ''oh yeah I'll just load myself up on ibuprophen and coffee and energy#drinks and advil and sleep supplements and this and that'' or whatever but I can't do that it just makes stuff worse. I have to just sit for#days having a mind battle like 'okay yes we're having these problems.. but we can still like.. do SOMETHING right? we could like.. write#or draw. or things that don't take much energy'' and brain is just like NO!!! WE CANT!!! BECAUSE!! THING IS WEIRD!!!' and it's like okay#but thing is going to be weird. there's nothing we can do about thing being weird right now. so we should just focus on something else#'NO!! CANNOT TUNE OUT THING BEING WEIRD!! lets just fixate on it instead and wander aimlessly from thing to thing never able#to fully focus on any other task. hee hee''. anyway. hhghh.. sometimes I just get tired of having Various Ailments at any given time#especially unexplained ones or weird recurring problems that doctors haven't done much about because then it lends to paranoia like#'what if something is seriously wrong but I just dont know it yet?' which could be the case. I mean hopefully not. but I just hate stuff#being unexplained. because if there's no clear answer then the answer could be anything. even somehting bad. *** :V#ANYWAY gghhb... just bothered at the moment. I was going to come here like 'hey maybe I could post some drafts or pictures or something that#could feel productive!' but.. i dont feel like it. i dont care. too focused on Bad Feeling. just going to complain instead lol
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