#and hes suddenly so much crueler with him during training and hes becoming more and more isolated from the clan...

[yuridovewing]

Now I think Tigerclaw was actually a family man to some extent in this au... I think he genuinely loved Goldenflower and all of their kits together, they were childhood friends, I think he mourned Swiftpaw and Lynxkit's deaths, I think he was overjoyed when Tawnypaw came to ShadowClan because he was glad to know one of his kits would be safe. He cared deeply for his mother and sister and originally doted on his sister's kits before Ravenpaw saw him murder Redtail.

Granted, is he a GOOD dad? ... No not really. He got his own son killed (albeit as collateral damage), Tawnypelt has ptsd from what she witnessed in TigerClan, Bramblestar has a complex, and tbh he just treats Mothwing and Hawkfrost like dogshit. But there's some conflict there, they all have fond memories of him and he tries to appeal to that to get them to join him and conform to his ideology. Tawnypelt has this worst of all because she's now the only living kit who spent the most time with him and saw him at his best and his worst.

He also easily turns on them, his love comes with conditions.

[okayhaneul]

it’s yaya again and i'm back with another updated intro ! this time, it's my boi haneul's turn. hit me up on @xojinnie​​ if you have any questions or want to plot.

— welcome to infinite entertainment! it's CHOI HANEUL, who is the SECURITY of SOLOIST #1. i’ve heard whispers that the 29 year old is pretty DARING but lowkey BLUNT. also, doesn’t he remind you of KIM TAEHYUNG?

ABOUT — PINTEREST — PLOTS

UPBRINGING

haneul doesn’t really remember his birth parents — but his birth certificate had him listed as born on may 20th, 1995 in busan, south korea. at the age of three, he was left on the doorsteps of a gorgeous house in the seoungbuk district after his parents were no longer able to handle the financial and mental burden of being parents. he never heard from them again.

the wealthy owners of the house ( the choi family ) took him in. his mother struggled with pregnancies in the past, and the two were desperate for a son of their own. haneul being left on their doorstep was a perfectly timed opportunity that landed in their laps. within the first year, they adopted him.

however, haneul's position as the crowning jewel was short-lived. two years after he found his way to the chois, his mother got pregnant. she gave birth to haneul's adoptive brother and suddenly, he was no longer of much interest to them. as he got older, he felt like the black sheep of the family, like some glaring mistake in otherwise perfection. the conservative friends of his parents treated him like the ugly stepchild. and it didn't help that his parents constantly compared him to his brother, the biological pure son.

in response, haneul began to act out. being abandoned at such a young age had already scarred his psyche, and now being ignored and treated as less then only made the matters worse. it seemed like he didn't quite fit anywhere in this world and he was tired of trying. if the environment he grew up in was going to treat him like a misfit, then he might as well play the part.

haneul was considered a naturally intelligent child but growing up, he spent more time getting into trouble than actually focusing in school. fights, destruction of property, wild parties. . . acting out seemed to be the only way he didn't feel numb to his new situation. as he got older and more audacious, his parents became crueler and more withdrawn from him, unsure how to handle his unruly behavior. in their mind, this insolent outsider was making their lives living hell — so they were simply returning the favor.

the main thing that was a comfort to haneul during his childhood and teenage years was music. he loved listening to it, loved making it, loved performing to it. he listened to songs about anger, pain, and hurt and suddenly, it felt like there was someone out there who understood him. it became his form of escapism.

after reaching his wit’s end with being stifled by his supposed "family", a sixteen year old haneul tried his luck at an audition to become a trainee at infinite entertainment. he wasn’t the best there was but he had enough passion, mystery, and visual to make it in. no longer wanting to deal with him, his adoptive parents willingly agreed to let him move to seoul to train and were quick to disown the young man the moment he stepped out of the door with his bags.

TRAINEE YEARS AND DOWNFALL — drugs & alcohol tw

haneul just wanted to focus on the music. that was all that mattered to him. but upon becoming a trainee, he soon realized that he was giving up something he loved dearly: his freedom. there were so many restrictions. no drinking, no tattoos, no anything. it all became so suffocating and reminded him of the oppressed home he'd just left behind. with every rule added, he had a stronger desire to break them.

so, he did. he partied hard. he got tattoos in hidden places the staff couldn’t find. he snuck out every night. soon enough, haneul got the reputation as the trainee to "watch out for". he was known as being too careless, too arrogant, and too selfish. all that mattered to him was what he wanted. his desire to rebel quite frankly pissed off his potential future members. here they were, granted with an opportunity of a lifetime, and han was operating like a complete lost soul.

truth was, he simply didn’t know where he belonged. he knew it wasn’t with his family. he thought it would be here, surrounded by music. but it didn’t seem to matter where he was, han felt empty. and he was beginning to realize, maybe he didn’t belong anywhere. the realization was depressing as fuck. to cope with it, haneul partied way too hard one night and ended up having to be transported to the hospital after being found passed out by a peer.

after being treated for a non-fatal overdose, haneul was promptly kicked out of infinite as a trainee. he was nineteen at the time, eight months from debuting. since he would no longer debut and was in breach of his trainee contract, he now owed the company approximately 335 million won for the loss and for his expenses while being trained. infinite offered him a chance to work on the staff side of things. 50% of each of his paycheck would be returned to the company as repayment until the debt was paid. essentially, the offer was for haneul to do a shit ton of labor at a very minimum wage.

haneul initially refused to swallow his pride. he told the company to go fuck itself and told them he’d find another way to pay them back. however, his now tainted reputation followed him around seoul. no other idol company wanted to take in a flight risk and even the regular every day jobs weren’t fond that he had a record. realizing he’d be royally screwed either way, haneul reluctantly agreed to the initial offer from infinite.

A CHANGE — drugs & alcohol tw

after losing something that was so important to him, haneul spiraled out of control at the start of his twenties. his new job with infinite involved a lot of unglamorous grunt work, which was overwhelming and exhausting. that paired with the stress of his debt made things hard for him mentally. despite the terrifying incident he experienced, the young man continued to turn to drugs and alcohol as a way to deal with the shitstorm that had become his life.

due to a mere random encounter, the darkness in his life offered a beacon of light in the form of kim seonhwa. they met on new year's eve at a party and there was a pretty immediate connection. the two began to date and eventually fell in love, experiencing a lot of firsts with one another. it could have been considered an ill match: the problem child and the darling idol. but the truth was, seonhwa saw haneul for exactly who he was. she never once tried to change him, and she never once judged. it was a feeling he'd been searching for ever since he was an angry, vulnerable kid. she inspired him to try and be better.

unfortunately, it didn't prove to be enough. haneul was truthfully far too unhealed to be in such a serious relationship. his reliance on substances and immense self-loathing hindered him from growing in the relationship. seonhwa was also getting more popular and far busier and the combination of issues led to things crumbling after a year and half together.

completely and utterly at rock bottom, haneul began to work out in his free time as a form of therapy. the adrenaline kept his mind off his dark thoughts. he took up activities like boxing, taekwondo, and swimming at the shitty (but free) recreation center next to his tiny apartment.

as time passed, he began to mature and reform his behavior. his wild, cocky tendencies tapered down into more brooding, sensible ones. he stopped turning to drugs and alcohol as a salve and instead, his vices became cigarettes, weed, and the thrill of a tattoo needle.

the biggest downside was that during his worst, haneul pushed everyone who cared about him away. so even though he was finally in the healing part of his journey, he didn't have many people to help him through the lows or share his wins with. he accepted that this was the consequences of his actions, though it didn't help with the self-loathing part of his personality. he didn't want to be alone. not really. but he tolerated the idea that maybe that was what he was meant to be.

infinite took notice of haneul's emotional and physical improvement and realized he would be better used on the security side of things. he was offered a promotion to become a bodyguard for the company's newest idol set to debut — fujiwara somi aka michelle.

initially, haneul and somi butted heads. in his mind, she was purposefully trying to make his job harder. the truth was though they hated to admit it, the two were quite similar — both blunt and liking things their way. it was no surprise they had a tumultuous start to their time together. however, with years came a better understanding of one another and now, haneul would do anything to protect her. she is the little sister he never knew he wanted. he takes his job very seriously and always treats it as a top priority.

shortly after turning twenty-five, haneul completed paying off his debt owed to infinite. the company, impressed with his loyalty and maturity over the years, offered him a full-time salary and promotion to become head of michelle's security. though he holds extremely resentful feelings towards infinite, he chose to accept the offer for the sake of continuing to work with somi.

while haneul has long redeemed himself in his professional life, his personal life remained a bit of a mess. ten years had gone by since he last spoke to his family. he never once committed to another serious romantic relationship, instead preferring flings that he could detach from easily. and his tendency to be a workaholic and isolate himself during his off hours meant that he didn't have many friends to turn to.

TOUR

the 2022 infinite world tour, however, forced him to confront the mistakes and people from his past. with nowhere to escape to but in a hotel that everyone shared, haneul had to learn to make amends and prove that he's better than he once was. the time on tour not only gave him a chance to rekindle a relationship with seonhwa and former friends of the past, but also ushered in the growth to open his heart to new things and people.

despite the long, excruciating nature of the tour, haneul ended things on a rather high note. he unintentionally established himself as the company's "dad slash big brother". as one of the oldest around, he ended up being a person that others could turn to for protection and blunt advice. and in return, he was taught that maybe he doesn’t want to be as alone as he’s made himself for years.

CURRENTLY

though tour is wrapped, haneul still continues his duties as head of michelle's security. the only thing different now is that he comes home to seonhwa at the end of the night. the two of them have recently moved in together and have adopted a puppy, who haneul loves.

now that he is in a far more evolved era in his personal life, haneul now turns that feeling of unsettledness towards the future of his career. being a bodyguard had never been his endgame, or even his plan to begin with. and he's struggling to figure out what he's actually passionate about. in the meantime though, he still dedicates himself to the task until he can figure out what's next for him.

TIDBITS

personality: daring, blunt, stoic, wary, protective, intense, sardonic, evasive, intelligent

aesthetics: messy curls, the scent of amber, cigarette butts, tattoo sleeves, bruised knuckles, black coffee, blazing eyes, sharp wit

is annoyingly always viral on twitter and tiktok for being michelle’s “hot bodyguard”

can speak five languages in varying levels of mastery, thanks to his former wealthy upbringing

can play the guitar and has an affinity for songwriting and producing, but hasn’t tapped into those skills ever since he left the idol industry

love language is acts of service ! will grumble about how fucking annoying the ask is but he’ll do it anyways

has approximately 25 tattoos

he’s got a heart, i promise. it’s just buried within a wary, introverted exterior to protect himself. but if you’re one of the chosen ones, you’ve got a grizzly bear dad at your service

FOR REFERENCE

personality overview

map of haneul's tattoos

more tidbits

[ontheblock]

stay

•warning: angst

It was the end of year four when Draco first sent you home with butterflies fluttering inside your stomach.

“Stay with me. Just now. I won‘t ask for forever. Until the train comes.“

You could see the heat creeping up his neck by how flushed his skin got and you held back a giggle at how out of character the oh so high and mighty Malfoy spawn acted for a girl. But your chest tingled at the thought of Draco dropping his tough guy act just this once, knowing you wouldn’t laugh or tell your friends the way he blushed or how his hands trembled at his first real confession. Nobody would believe you if you tried to spread it around anyway. He mastered his cocky attitude so well that they would mock you for spinning a lie this unbelievable. Draco Malfoy being nervous? Because of you? Not in a thousand years. But there he was, rubbing the back of his neck and suddenly he didn‘t look as tall as he actually was. You couldn‘t help but hook your pinky into his, holding onto him.

“Of course. Forever.“

He swallowed, mirroring the way your pinky curled around his.

Your fifth year rolled around and you felt your hand tangled in Draco‘s more often than not.

His mean demeanor wouldn‘t change, not for you, not for anyone. But god, it was hard to be mad at the boy that would fetch you the stars from the sky. With every insult came kisses and a gift. With every tear came warm hands to hug your face. He gave you his everything. So you found yourself sticking up less and less for the poor souls that fell victim to your boyfriend‘s bad side. Because the crueler he was towards them, the softer he let himself become when you two were alone. The sweet nicknames he gave you made your stomach flutter. Princess. It started as a joke about him practically being Slytherin‘s very own prince. He would laugh, leaning his head against yours, taking in the scent of the perfume he got you. It was cute until the day he called you his princess because every prince need himself a princess. He liked the way your body heated up and you squirmed in your seat next to him in the Great Hall. The way his thumb traced small circles on your thigh during free time when your legs draped over his lap made you heart throb.

Today was no different. Slytherin won a Quidditch match and Draco played a huge roll in their triumph over the other team. You greeted him with a smile and Draco pulled you into his arms, pressing a kiss to your lips as the rest of his house celebrated the well earned win. It wasn‘t like you cared about Quidditch as much as the rest. No, you cared about the glint in your boyfriends eyes, the tired out grin plastered on his handsome features. His cocky laugh when he told you he knew you‘d be waiting for him because you were a good little wife. His team mates laughed along and you thought that this was your death bed with how hot your face got, ready to melt you brain.

Wife.

You were sure that Draco meant it but he started acting weird in year six.

You saw him clenching his jaw during the meals.

You saw him snapping at his loyal friends more than in his usual cocky and playful way.

You saw him lose the glint on his eyes and the smile on his lips when you waited outside his class whenever you could.

You saw it right away, the minute he got off the train. You tried to talk but Draco wasn‘t the open book that let you stroke and repair his torn pages anymore.

“Draco, I know when something is wrong with you.“ You followed him through the corridors like a lost puppy because he just wouldn’t slow is aggressive stride. Not even when you begged him to talk to you.

“There is nothing wrong. You‘re so annoying.“ His voice was snappy and you frowned at the back of his head because he wouldn’t turn around.

“Ok, ‘m sorry“, you mumbled and the hurt in your voice made his heart clench so tightly that he thought that feeling would never leave. So he stopped, abruptly enough for you to almost crash into his back.

“I didn‘t mean that, darling.“ He turned around, cupping your face with his weirdly cold hands. They used to be warmer. “You‘re not annoying.“

You just nodded, leaning into the touch that became more rare since the start of the year. But he convinced you that school put a lot on his plate and he just needed space. Or maybe he didn‘t but you bit your tongue to be the good wife he wanted to marry after graduation.

You thought that helping him out in his classes would be enough to bring back the man you loved. But it became pretty apparent that he didn‘t need help. He was an excellent student, better than you in fact.

You still sat next to him in your common room, legs draped over his lap as he let his feather glide on a previously blank piece of paper.

Neither of you talked for a good while. Really, you didn‘t know what to say because on bad days Draco would tell you to shut up or take anything you said in the wrong way. And to top it off, you didn‘t know if your boyfriend had a bad day until he snapped at someone. That someone often being you. But he was vulnerable and he knew you could put him back together.

He asked you to meet him in the common room at night but he refused to tell you why. You had to just accept the vague demand even if dread sat heavy in your bones all day. Another frown he put on your face that used to be a smile.

Until you finally snuck out of the dorms to see Draco still in his uniform, sitting spread out on the leather couch with his head fallen back into his neck. He looked so tired and all you wanted was to hold him for the night. But his head already shot up when he heard your steps, alarmed at the sudden noise. He wasn‘t that jumpy a few years ago.

You shot him a smile as you lowered yourself on the couch next to him, putting your hand on his knee. He tried to return it but his eyes were bloodshot and that was all you could look at. Did he not sleep well?

“Princess“, he started in a hushed tone. You missed that nickname. It still gave you butterflies. His eyes stayed trained on the soft hand you draped over his knee. “I didn‘t mean to yell at you.“ You chuckled but it was toneless. Draco scrunched his brows together. “Something funny?“, he challenged you with a little bite in his voice. You quickly shook your head.

“No“, you whispered, scooting closer to him. Draco relaxed back into the couch.

“My father... His expectations- I just don’t know if I can.“ He rubbed his irritated eyes with the ball of his thumb. You gave his hand a gentle squeeze before he pulled it away. “Draco, it‘s fine. You‘re excelling your classes.“ You were so clueless, it made him want to scream. But he didn‘t. Instead he dropped his hands in his lap for you to envelope them with yours.

“Yeah“, he eventually spoke. “Thank you.“ He couldn‘t tell you.

You stood before Draco in the same spot he confessed his undying love to you in the worst way possible, except you were grown now, in your last year to be exact. And it felt nothing like the sweet aftertaste of nostalgia. You thought that someday you would look back at that moment, maybe with a ring on your finger already. But not like this. Never like this.

“Draco...“ It was merely a breath and you didn‘t know if he even heard you but he shut his eyes painfully tight to avoid your pleading eyes.

“Princess, listen.“ The butterflies laid heavy in your stomach, too weak to flutter but not weak enough to die as if they were infested with parasites that crawled over your stomach lining. You tried to listen for longer than a year. “I couldn‘t...“ Draco grew desperate and when he opened his eyes again you were the one averting your gaze. You couldn‘t.

“You‘re one of them. You‘re a-“ Death Eater. You couldn‘t say it but neither could Draco all this time. “I saw your arm.“

He didn‘t answer. He didn‘t even move from his spot until you finally stirred. “I need to go, Draco.“ He shook his head.

“Stay. I won‘t ask for a forever. Just a now.“ His hand reached for yours, pinky raised slightly. But you pulled back, making his eyes shoot up.

“I can‘t...“

[thereluctantinquisitor]

“You always do that. You always warm me up.” for Adiran and “I’ll never get over hearing you say my name.” for Riin? (heart eyes) No pressure, as always!

Thank you for the prompt! At first I was certain that I couldn’t combine them, but it somehow happened so TWO FOR ONE - WOO (although I cheated a little with the first one >.>)

Adiran x Riin, in which Adiran’s hands are hopeless in the cold, and Riin just happens to be a human oven. (1412 words)

                                                          --

Adiran hated Hoarfrost. Between the occasional snowfall and the biting wind from the north, everything about the season seemed to conspire to make his life a special kind of miserable. Sure, it would be worse having to brave it outside the palace walls, away from the crackling hearths and heat-trapping stone. But even with all of the luxuries his royal blood afforded, he couldn’t keep the cold from seeping through his skin and into the core of his being. And Divider knows the last thing he needed to be was icier than he already was.

Even training couldn’t solve the problem. Sure, his arms burned and his blood pumped almost audibly through his veins, but when Riin swung down, he fumbled the parry, his grip slipping on the hilt of his blade. Realising what was happening, Adiran braced as best he could, and let himself be thrown down by the blow. The sand rushed up to meet him, and he hit it with a heavy grunt, barely managing to keep his own weapon from smacking him square in the face, broadside.

Sprawled there, with sand in places it had no business being, Adiran just wanted to die.

Or go inside.

Either one would do.

“Fuck!” Adiran threw his weapon aside and hunched over himself, flexing and clenching his traitorous hands. They ached despite his gloves - despite everything they were doing. Damn it - that couldn’t happen! The tournament was in the middle of Vigil; the season just before Hoarfrost. It might not be the coldest, but the weather could still turn frigid with a single gust of wind. If his grip slipped in the arena, or he couldn’t make a proper hold...

“Easy, Adiran. Are you alright?”

Seething, Adiran sucked in a lungful of air and somehow focused it into a glare as Riin crouched down in front of him. “Fantastic, Riin. As soon as the snowfall starts in the north, I stop being able to hold a damn weapon. How could I possibly be better?” He clenched his hands so tightly that his knuckles must have bled to white beneath the thin leather. “Some fucking soldier I am.”

If Riin where a crueler man, he’d shrug call him what he was. Pathetic. But instead, he just shook his head and reached out, taking Adiran’s sword-hand and uncurling his fingers with practiced ease. “I know you think the world sees you as its centre, but you’re not the first soldier to have trouble keeping his grip in the cold.” His hands worked diligently as he spoke, pressing along the softer parts of Adiran’s palm, rubbing small circles into the aching muscle. Even in the cold morning air, Riin somehow radiated heat. It was like sitting next to a campfire, forgotten and left to smoulder gently into late-morning.

Adiran’s eyes lingered on Riin’s hand - on his own, nestled inside it - and for a time, he simply sat in silence, allowing his friend to work. Sure, pride dictated that he should pull away and stalk off somewhere to brood over his shortcomings, but that whole affair was becoming less and less satisfying of late. No - he was more comfortable now. Even when he probably shouldn’t be.

“You always do that.”

Riin stirred, apparently lost in his own thoughts as well. “Hm..?” He glanced up. “Do what?”

“This. That.” Adiran made a slight movement with his hand. Not enough to disturb Riin’s attentions. “You always warm me up.”

This time, an almost self-conscious chuckle rolled from Riin’s chest. “Well, I don’t know about that.” He didn’t stop what he was doing - only let go briefly, so Adiran could tug off his glove. “I have it on good authority that you’re icy in every season. ‘Wind, hail, or swelter’ I think is what they said.”

“Yeah?” There was no point feigning indignation. Not over such an obvious statement of fact. “Who's been saying that?”

“Well... anyone lucky enough to cross paths with you during a soiree. Or a dinner. Or on the palace grounds. Or in the sparring---”

---”Alright, alright. Point taken. Shut up.”

Riin grinned, and it was suddenly hard for Adiran to remember how he’d felt the first time the man had been assigned to him. Back then, he’d just been another set of eyes, ordered by his parents to track him like a bird of prey. There had been nothing but resentment between them for over a year - Divider knows Adiran had never been shy about making his feelings painfully clear. And Riin had just taken it. Sure, he’d avoided him like a plague-rat the moment his duty was over, but otherwise he’d just let Adiran resent him. If he hated Adiran back, he did it quietly.

Sometimes, a cruel thought crept up on him, when they were alone together. Sitting. Talking. Even when they were laughing. It was the thought that maybe he’d done too much damage, back then. That maybe Riin still hated him. Quietly.

“Riin?”

“Hm?”

“You know you don’t have to, right?”

Riin hummed as he worked. “Mm. Cryptic. Have to what?”

“Shut up.”

“You’re the one who asked---”

---”No! I mean, you don’t always have to. When I tell you to. I’m not... it’s not an order or anything.”

Releasing Adiran’s hand and sitting back on his heels, Riin regarded him for a moment, an amused tilt to his lips. “Of course it isn’t. You don’t give me orders, princeling. Never have.”

“But then---”

---”So why do I do it?”

A little mollified by his own predictability, Adiran closed his mouth and nodded. Apparently it was the right response, because Riin’s amused smile suddenly blossomed into a grin.

“Because you always break. Quickly, too, might I add. Most times, I barely even notice the silence.” He laughed, motioning for Adiran’s other hand. “And you know what else? You always get my attention the same way.”

“I... do?” Frowning, Adiran gave Riin his other hand without even thinking, so distracted by the conversation that the other man had to pull of his glove. Despite wracking his brain for a pattern, he couldn’t come up with anything. “How, then?” he demanded eventually, frustrated.

The answer, it seemed, was almost absurdly simple.

“You say my name.” Beginning anew, Riin let his gaze drift down to their hands, the warmth of his fingers soothing against Adiran’s skin. Like an afterthought, the smile on his lips remained. “I’ll never get over hearing you say my name.”

Despite the cold, Adiran felt heat rush up his neck. He would have pulled away, stammering some absurd excuse about having to go, but then that would just make his embarrassment more obvious. So he forced himself to stay almost painfully still, sitting across from Riin on the sandy ground.

That was, at least, until Riin glanced up, a smirk dancing across his lips. “Warmer now?”

The satisfied gleam in his eye only made matters worse for Adiran, who might have actually been sweating a little under his training gear. That sneaky bastard! He was about to snap a scathing reply when Riin hit a particularly sore spot at the base of Adiran’s thumb, eliciting a sharp gasp instead.

“Still giving you trouble, isn’t it?” Amusement draining away, Riin pressed the spot again, gentler this time, working in slow circles around it. “You should see the physicker, Adiran. It might be part of the problem, along with the cold. The longer you leave it the worse it could get. Stretch for me.”

Eternally grateful for the change of subject, Adiran cleared his throat roughly. “Yeah. Maybe.” At Riin’s instruction, he flexed his hand, the muscle tugging uncomfortably as Riin started to work on it again. “I’ll go tomorrow or something.”

Riin sighed and dug his finger in again, earning a yelp as Adiran tried and failed to pull away. “No,” Riin said, “you’ll go now. And by you I mean we, because I can’t trust you not to slink back to your quarters and take a hot bath instead.”

“Oh come on, I wouldn’t...” Under the full weight of Riin’s unimpressed stare, Adiran huffed and abandoned the lie halfway. “Fine. You win. Help me up.”

Riin raised his brows. “Last I checked your legs still worked.”

“Yeah? Well last I checked, my feet were frozen inside my boots.”

“Alright, alright. Here, give me your other hand...”

[bnha-ra]

Lily of the Valley ||BNHA

A/N: HELLO LOVIES! IT’S YA GIRL, SKINNY PENIS- THE AUTHOR! If you guys are veterans of this account you know that this blog was birthed because I had a reader story on Quotev and guess what? IT’S GETTING A FUCKING COMEBACK! A REPRISE because I hated my writing on the original, oop not only a name change, but the lore has also (slightly) changed! So, I hope you enjoy!

Themes: Superheros (obviously), superpowers, fighting, romance, etc.

Summary: How it all began and then some

Warnings: Nothing in this chapter! Maybe some tension but that’s about it!

Tags: @prismaroyal​ @undead0relived​

It was the only thing ringing through her head as she curled deeper into herself, her face, earlier bruised and bloody but was now wet with fresh tears, was shoved into her knees and her shaking arms were wrapped weakly around her shaking legs. With each tremble of her already defeated body she seemed to only hug herself tighter, reducing what should have been ear piercing wails into silent sobs, way too spent to even scream about the atrocities she had seen and the things she had lost.

Life...wasn’t fair.

She understood that now. Those little words she had heard adults whisper under their breath with exhaustion or teens cry out in anger. Of course, she understood what the words meant, she was smart enough to realise much more than people bargained for, however, what she didn't understand was the meaning behind the phrase, why people would say it, why people thought it.

Well, until now.

Because they were right, life wasn’t fair.

It was much more crueler than anyone could ever imagine.

The shouting from earlier had stopped. Whoever was outside the hospital room had fallen silent a little bit ago. Either they were whispering now or they had just stopped altogether, it was finally quiet and she could finally suffer in peace, without the screams of adults promoting the painful squeeze of anguish from their choked cries or their weeping.

When the door opened she didn’t look up, no, she stayed in her position in the corner but withheld her crying as the person made it over to her side, sliding down the way to sit themselves next to her and sigh, their hand slowly winding into her hair to give it comforting strokes and tug her head to rest against them.

“Little Wildfire” The child flinched at the name, but raised her head, eyes catching the older man’s who held a incomprehensible grief but understanding sympathy to them “I have a question for you, sweetheart”

She nodded hesitantly.

The man cleared his throat, facing back to the closed door which she followed, finally spotting the other elderly woman who watched, eyes glossed in tears.

“Do you want to come with us-” He gave her a comforting squeeze when the girl sniffed, stuffing her head deeper into his side “-or, do you want to stay here?”

She glanced down at her lap “...will you be upset if I said I want to stay here?”

“No, mia bella bambina” The woman spoke this time, walking into the room and kneeling before her, taking the child’s hand in her own and kissing the skin of her palm “Never”

The lass glanced between the two adults, eyes slowly beginning to gloss over with no found tears as she let out a shaky sob, heart clenching “I don’t want to leave Mamma alone”

The two brought her into a hug, sharing heartbroken tears with the child while they sat on the hospital floor, filled with great grief in that moment. The people outside watched with a similar sadness, heads bowed in despair and chests aching at the scene. It was a painful moment, seeing a family so broken, seeing a child’s perfect life shattered so quickly as though it was glass.

Life really wasn’t fair.

“I’m sorry, (Name)....”

---

“Yagi!”

(Name) jumped in her spot from the stands, face snapping up to meet the choir teacher’s while the other girls giggled, muttering amongst themselves or sending dirty looks her way. It wasn't her fault that their teacher was still droning on about regionals, to her, it had stopped being relevant when the woman started to, once again, go off about the schools rival; (Name) didn’t care, the others didn’t care so why did the damn teacher still go off about it? 

‘Talk about obsessed’ She thought as she continued, finally getting to the end of her big speech.

“I expect you to be here at the same time next week!” The witch spat, “Dismissed!”

‘Jesus Christ- FINALLY’

The teen practically sprinted towards her belongings, running out of the room despite her teacher’s call and pulled out her phone from her blazer pocket, scrolling through the contacts until a familiar name popped up.

“Izuku!” She screamed into the receiver when he answered, feeling a guilty pang at her volume before quickly shaking it off “I’m so sorry! I had choir practice! Are you home yet? If not, we can go to that new hero cafe that’s opened recently! I’ll pay-”

During her sprint, flowers began to sprout from the ground beneath her due to the excitement rushing through her. She had been waiting for ages to finally take him there, Midoriya Izuku, her Quirkless best friend and the most obsessed fanboy she had the luck of knowing. Childhood friends, you see, glued together by youth and fondness for one another, something that she was thought she was so lucky for.

There was something else there too. A hidden desire, one that festered when she was still young, the obligation to protect him, to keep him from any harm that may have fallen upon him.

Ah, she was getting ahead of herself.

The joyful smile faded from her face, her steps slowing to a halt as she listened to him talk; a familiar feeling of sympathy blooming in her chest when she spoke again, glancing around the street that she had found herself.

“Where are you?....” She nodded when he responded “Okay, I’m nearby. Wait. There. I’ll be there soon and I want you to tell me what happened, no buts”

(Name) didn’t even give him a chance to respond, only ended the call with a tap and once again began her sprint, though, faster than she had before.

---

“....He really said that?”

Midoirya nodded into his knees, glancing over to his best friend from the corner of his eyes and flinching at the sight of anger spreading over her face. (Name) let out a shrill cry, jumping to her feet from the spot next to him and pacing before the other teen, face scrunched up in rage with words spewing out of her mouth faster than he could comprehend, well, almost.

“I can’t believe him! How dare he say that! You can’t say stuff like that to your fans- you have to consider their fucking feelings! I don’t care if he thinks it’s realistic- show some damn decency to people who respect you! The bastard-”

“(Name), it’s okay” Midoriya shrugged his shoulders, standing back to full height with hers and his own bags in his hands “It doesn’t matter, he was right anyway-”

“Don’t you say that, Midoriya!” (Name)’s hand was pointed towards him in warning, “You can be a hero if you try, there are heroes with weak Quirks so why can’t someone with no Quirk be a hero? Huh? HUH?”

“Well-I-”

“I AM HERE”

The voice came suddenly and loudly from behind the girl, the two teens jumping in surprise causing (Name) to twist round, both watching as a blur skidded to a stop before them and posed, revealing just the person that the female had so desperately wanted to exchange a few words with.

“All Might, how-” Midoriya had barely gotten the words out when (Name) spoke, eyes narrowed dangerously with poison dripping from her lips.

“You”

All Might had the gall to look confused “Me?”

“How dare you!” Midoriya screamed when (Name) raced towards the hero, her leg flying to meet his shin with vigor, only to howl in pain when it connected, hand coming to hold her wounded toes before she began to send punches his way instead, not caring in any way that the man was not affected, only watching in slight amusement as she continued her barrage of blows in her rageful state. “My friend deserves to be a hero more than you could ever understand! You bastard! How dare you say he can’t-!”

“Please, calm down, (Name)” The hero laughed, placing his hand against the girl’s head and pushing her back, (Name) still continuing to swing.

Midoriya stood in shocked silence, watching the scene with growing confusion.

‘How could All Might know (Name)’s name!?’

“Calm down? Calm down!? No! You are such an arsehole, Toshi! I expected better from you-”

‘TOSHI!? WHAT!?’

The greenette stuttered, trying to find his words as he continued to watch the scene before him. All Might eventually deflated with a huff, coughing blood into his hand while (Name) continued to shout at him, too clouded by her anger to realise Midoriya was walking up to her until a hand was placed on her shoulder and she spun, her glare vanishing with a gulp at her best friend’s befuddled gaze on her.

“Crap” (Name) muttered.

All Might just laughed.

“I think we owe young Midoriya an explanation, don’t we, (Name)?”

“Is something wrong, (Name)? You seem occupied”

The girl jumped from her spot behind the receptionist's desk, eyes snapping up to meet Dr Nakamura’s before a bright smile grew, though her hand came to scratch the back of her neck in embarrassment from the scare.

“It’s nothing, sir! I’ve just been training a lot harder recently so I’m kinda tired, that’s all”

The older man nodded, his ears twitching in contemplation as he rifled through the chest of draws behind her, no doubt looking for a file.

It wasn’t a complete lie. While the U.A entrance exams were still ten months away, it didn’t mean she could slack off, no, she needed to get in as much training as she could before the trials, both going through physical exercise and mental. U.A was a school that only took the best of the best, just like Shiketsu and if she wanted even a chance at studying to become a great hero at any of the two she needed to up her game, because she was positive that if she wasn’t at her best, she would be beaten with no regarde.

However, that wasn’t what she was thinking about.

Dr Nakamura pulled one of the files, flipping through before turning back to the girl with a sharp toothed smile “Well, I wouldn’t expect less from one of our next future heroes”

(Name)’s face grew hot at the compliment and she laughed, “Thanks, sir”

“No problem, kid” His hand ruffled her locks playfully “Don’t overwork yourself, okay? If you need any breaks from work I’ll be sure to give them to you”

He walked away with a wave, entering into another room to leave her alone with her thoughts once again.

Truth be told, she was thinking back to a few days ago and the secret she had been swore to keep underwraps.

“Wait, so, just correct me if I’m wrong” Midoriya’s face was much calmer than (Name) expected, much much calmer. She honestly anticipated screaming, maybe faint if it were a worse kind of day, which from hearing about it, it sounded like it was, but instead, he was calm, eyes shining with curiosity and confusion.

“Ever since your mother was taken-....was comatosed…and your father….died” (Name) hugged herself at those words, trying to ignore the feeling of grief stabbing at her heart “You haven’t been living with relatives but...heroes…real life heroes?”

She nodded.

“That’s so cool!” (Name) looked at him with surprise plastered all over her face. Midoriya took her expression in a negative way, curling into himself with shame “I mean, you already lived with a pro hero before- b-but you’ve met some of the most powerful heroes in Japan! Counting All Might that means the world! Oh my Gosh, I mean- uh, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have reacted like that-”

(Name)’s voice was meek when she spoke again, eyes shining with unshed tears “I thought you would be upset….”

“H-huh!? Why!?”

“Because I never told you…”

Confusion took over his face once again and he tilted his head to the side, “Why would I be upset over you protecting yourself?”

(Name) choked.

“I don’t mean to interrupt” All Might’s hand landed softly on (Name)’s back, moving in soothing circles as he continued, eyes centered on Midoriya “But young Midoriya, your answer?”

“Oh! Right! Uh…” The greenette glanced between the two, both sending him back encouraging looks in return before he released a breath, expression adopting one of determination.

“I accept your power, All Might!”

The hero smiled “I knew you would”

“Oi, (Last)” For a second time that day, (Name) jumped in her seat, looking up to see two familiar boys staring back at her. “What’s up with you?”

“Oh, Koji, Hitoshi, Hi!” (Name) began to type away at the computer before her, hoping to ignore the questioning stare from Koda and glare from Shinso when the purple haired boy rolled his eyes in exasperation “You guys finally catch those troublemakers running about?”

Shinso presented the box, (Name) standing to glance in from over the desk and smiling at the sight of the mother cat surrounded by her children before she gestured over to a room nearby.

“Ms Hamada came in a little earlier, why don’t you take them to her”

“Was planning to, but first we gotta show you something"

(Name) brows furrowed “What?”

Shinso nudged Koda softly, prompting the boy to set down his own box. His large hands disappeared into it before pulling back out with another small kitten in his hands who mewled softly towards (Name), pawing at the air.

“Guys, you’re not supposed to separate the young!” She chided, reaching out for the animal who was handed to her, (Name) rocking the animal gently in her grasp and staring pointedly at her friend who cowered back “You both should know better!”

“It’s not from the pack” Shinso responded, nodding to the other box “This was left outside and it’s a little….different”

“Different? How so-...” From her hands, a shifting sound caught her ears and she looked down, the kitten in her hands now replaced with an otter pup who cooed at her. 

“...huh”

---

U.A really was a wonder.

(Name) hadn’t really been there a lot, probably a handful of times as she aged, but she hadn’t properly experienced the feeling of excitement passing through the front gate, other examinees walking nearby, no doubt in the same boat as her, glancing around in amazement.

The school were the greatest pro heroes were born and trust her, she had proof of that in the contacts on her phone. She just hoped that all of her hard work during the months would work in her favour, that she would grab her place at this amazing school and she would begin her journey of becoming a great hero.

Just like her mother had been.

(Name) shook her head, hurrying her pace to the front steps of the school. The recommended students took their exams a month before the actual exam, she believed? Meaning she was alone, no Midoriya by her side to push her forward, to reassure her she was set. Although it was the same for him, if she did pass this exam of course, he would be alone too-

‘Ugh, get a hold on yourself-’ 

(Name) let out a yelp when she ran into someone’s back, apologies dropping from her mouth while the person turned, staring down at her.

He was a huge, mountain of a man with dark buzz cut hair and beady black eyes that seemed to glare straight back into her soul with a unyielding fire that made her gulp nervously and take a step back, her animal instincts clawing to kick in, screaming at her that she was no match for this predator, that she should run while she still could. Then he straightened up, his head flying downward until it smashed against the pavement, body bent over in a bow and practically screaming, gaining the attention of the other examinees.

“I’m so extremely sorry for getting in your way! I promise it won't happen again!”

“Hey, hey!” (Name) cried, hands flying up in a panic “You don’t need to apologise I bumped into you! I’m really sorry about that”

The boy snapped back up, his grin broad on his face and blood running from the small cut on his forehead.

“Oh, hey, you’re bleeding!” Without another though (Name) pulled out a packet of tissues she kept within her jacket, leaping up to tend to the wound, using the air to keep her stable just barely. She really needed more training on that. “Here you go, you should be more careful”

“Woah that’s amazing you’re floating! What’s your Quirk?! Is it like mine!?”

(Name) couldn’t help the laugh she let out “I don’t even know your Quirk, friend”

The boy beamed “It’s called Whirlwind! I can control wind currents and manipulate them however I want! Now you!”

(Name) dropped back down, hands landing on her hips with a smile “Well, my Quirk is called Nat-”

Remember, (Name), keep a low profile. No one can know who you really are, that means no using Nature outside of training.

“-I mean, Element! meaning I can control any kind of elements around me! So, kinda similar to yours”

“Wow, that’s so cool! I’m Yoarashi Inasa!” Yoarashi lent out his hand for her to take, which she did.

“Nice to meet you, Yoarashi, I’m Yagi (Name)”

“It’s nice to meet you too, Yagi!”

“Please, call me (Name)!”

“Okay, (Name)! Call me Inasa!”

Seems like this exam won’t seem so bad afterall.

---

It was better than imagined. Yoarashi was a ball of sunshine, standing tall and bright, encouraging those around him despite knowing absolutely nothing of who they were. It was nice, especially due to the fact she didn’t have a lot of friends, having someone by her side inspire her to do better than she thought she could do. He believed her even though he didn’t know who she really was, he thought she was strong only after about an hour of knowing each other and it was...nice.

She really hoped he got the spot here, he deserved it.

The written exam had been an hour and fifteen minutes, all decent material and she was positive that she had passed it with flying colours and now it was time for the physical part of the test, then finally, the interview.

Present Mic’s booming voice was actually soothing to her, probably because of the time he spent after the atta- accident, helping to pull her out of the dark she had buried herself in. The hero was a rock in her life for a long time and she admired him for just as long. He sent her an encouraging wink at the beginning of it all, throwing an extra thumbs up her way before it had all started and she was grateful for it. It was nice that he was giving her extra support, even if he wasn’t really supposed to at that moment.

“Good luck, Inasa!” The giant smiled, throwing a thanks over his shoulder as he got in position for the race.

A sudden coldness surrounded her and (Name) shivered, blinking in surprise when it suddenly got darker.

“You’re in my way, move”

Now usually, (Name) wasn’t one to talk back, actually, she was kind of scared of talking back to people because who knew what they were capable of! But in that moment, those words had just made her angry, so angry in fact that she turned around to face the culprit of such a rude demand, hand poised in a point motion to jab them in the shoulder “Excuse me? Why don’t you watch your fucking tone....”

They stared back at each other in surprise, both sets of eyes wide with recognition.

“I don’t need your pity! Leave me alone!”

(Name) swallowed the heavy lump that was forming in her throat and blinked back the tears that dared try to blur her vision.

“S-Sorry Sho-...Todoroki” 

Then she walked back to her spot on the sidelines, wiping away the wetness from her face while Todoroki shook off the feelings that plagued him and took his spot in the race.

This was gonna be a long day.

---

Finally, finally, it was time for the interviews. 

Yoarashi had seemed tense after his race, eyes glaring pointedly towards Todoroki as though the smaller teen had stabbed him in the heart and left him for dead. It was kinda odd, especially with her new friend being a pillar of sunshine and greatness, like a giant puppy out to give everyone love, but he had ultimately relaxed when she appeared next to him, stroking his arm gently and asking if he was okay.

“Oh I’m fine!” He had replied, patting her on the head “You’re next right!? Come on, I know you’ll do great!”

(Name) ignored the stare on her back when he led her back to the other participants.

“Please enter”

A breath was released before the door was pushed open, a large office revealing itself to her with a familiar small rodent sitting behind a desk, smiling towards her and gesturing to shut the door. (Name) did, slowly of course, the chattering of other examinees disappearing along with the outside when she walked over, bowing politely in greeting.

“Principal Nedzu, it’s an honour to see you again, it’s been a while”

Nedzu bowed back in return.

“The pleasure is all mine, (Last). Please, take a seat”

(Name) did as she was told, feeling a wave of exhaustion settle over her body at the sinking plush of the cushioned chair. The animal rifled through the many ID forms before landing on the one he needed, her own, and settling it to the top of the pile and smiling kindly towards her.

“Well, Miss (Last)” Nedzu started “Tell me a bit about yourself”

(Name) caught herself before she could say anything, wringing her hands on her lap “I-....what is there to say? You already know a lot about me, Nedzu”

The principal nodded in agreement before leaning forward, smile still as kind as ever “It is true that I know who you really are, what your Quirk is and much about your younger life. However, what I really want to know is why are you here today? What made you take the recommended entrance exam? Why, after what you’ve seen first hand, would you want to experience the life of a hero?”

Trust (Name) to know that curiosity. She still asked herself that everyday. Why, after experiencing such a traumatic tragedy would she still want to become a hero and face something that horrible, that life shattering every single day of her life?

(Last) (Name), why did you want to torture yourself for the rest of life?

“Simple” The girl started, eyes shining with a light that Nedzu had only seen with a few heroes in his lifetime.

 “I don’t want anyone else to suffer like I did”

[clean-bands-dirty-stories]

Pulled Together ~ part 3

A/n: So I'm REALLY into this series :) I wrote a ton and will start queing these to post at midnight of each day and if I pull this off, you guys will get one part a day. If this series goes on too long, it might turn into every other day or once a week or something. I have a lot planned though so I don't think I'll burn out because I'm not just completely winging it? Eh we'll see lol

Word Count: 4000+

MASTERLIST

Jai felt sick to their stomach. Upon waking up, they weren’t tied to an interrogation chair - as the Second Sister called it - or in a cell. They’d woken up in what they’d soon learn was an infirmary, the Second Sister herself in a chair right by their bed, lounging as they waited for Jai to wake up.

“How long have you been there?” Jai asked.

The Second Sister looked at them, away from the entryway of the infirmary, where she’d been focused on before. “Not long, thankfully. I come in every once in a while to see if you’re awake yet.”

Jai raised an eyebrow. “How hospitable of you.”

The Second Sister shook her head and Jai got the impression that she might have been rolling her eyes. “Do you remember what happened?”

It was as clear as anything. The room lit up with blinding white light. The three other bodies falling to the floor instantly, incapacitated. The distant yells of more troopers at the comotion. The feeling of… power. “Yeah,” Jai whispered. Their voice was suddenly weak and hoarse. They didn’t like to think about it. Remember it. It was another one of those things they just knew: they’d caused that lightning. They’d created it, hurting the people around them. They didn’t really feel bad about hurting the troopers and the Second Sister- it was more the weird feeling the power they’d used to do it had given them. It felt dangerous, and yet they were almost eager to do it again. They weren’t sure what any of it meant.

“Do you know what the Force is?” The Second Sister leaned forward, planting her elbows on her knees.

“Of course,” Jai responded, nearly scoffing. Their voice was back. “I’ve heard the stories of the Jedi and the Sith and the Force- just like everyone else.”

There was a pause and Jai shifted. Why did it suddenly feel so warm in here? “They’re not just stories.” Another stretch of silence and Jai’s eyes fell to their hands, resting limply in their lap. They’d sat up to talk to the Second Sister but were still feeling weak. This news wasn’t helping. Of course Jedi were real. The Second Sister had already confirmed that. Which mean the Force was a thing too, of course. Jai hadn’t until this very moment considered that those two things existing also confirmed the reality of a world with Sith.

“If I used the Force, shouldn’t you kill me?” Jai looked at the Second Sister. “I mean, isn’t it your job to hunt and kill Jedi and other Force users or whatever?”

The Second Sister sat back in her chair, nodding. “It is.” She exhaled briefly.”Do you want to die, Jai?”

It was the first time she said their name. It was terrifying. “No.” They were as honest as ever. “But it doesn’t seem I have much of an option here.”

“Well… what if I told you that there was another option?”

Jai started. “What option?”

The Second Sister stood, pulling off her lightsaber from her belt. She rested it in her palm, raising her hand in the air. The deactivated saber began to float in the air, just above her hand. She lowered her hand but the saber stayed, floating, suspended by nothing by the Force. “You could join us. Become an Inquisitor. I’d train you, help grow your powers. You’d stay alive and grow even stronger. Make something more for yourself than a pathetic, rainy planet where all you can do is hide your real worth and waste away doing whatever meaningless thing you did down there.”

Jai couldn’t lie, it sounded insanely tempting. They’d always thought the idea of the Force was so cool, and had secretly wanted to use it as a kid. They’d spent hours as a child meditating and trying to connect to it but had never succeeded… or, maybe they had. Surely not on a level like recently, but… maybe. At this point, they’d believe anything.

There was something that made them pause though. “I don’t want to torture people like you did me. I’m not made of the same material as you.”

The Second Sister hesitated, then the lightsaber moved within Jai’s grasp. “Grab it.”

Jai didn’t have to be told twice. They forced themself to their feet, feeling silly holding a lightsaber of all things while sitting weak in a bed made for broken and sick people. They looked at it for a second until they got that sensation again- that simply knowing something it made no sense to know. Their finger found the switch and the lightsaber activated. The double sided beam was a glowing line between Jai and the Second Sister. “Amazing,” they whispered.

“Indeed,” the Second Sister agreed. Then she did something odd. She took a defensive stance, her hands tense at her side. “Do you want to escape, Jai?”

Now Jai could place why their name in her mouth sounded so threatening. It wasn’t just a name when the Second Sister said it. It was a challenge. “Yes,” Jai responded immediately, their hand tightening on the saber.

“Kill me then. Use that saber and kill me and everyone who stands in your way and get out. Go find your precious Cal Kestis and his little group of friends and help the rebellion they fight for. Or don’t. Return to Bracca. Or go somewhere completely new, a lightsaber and the Force on your side. Free yourself of this place.”

Jai felt it. The pull. They felt a distinct wanting. A desperate yearning within them to turn the weapon against its owner and finally be free. They could do it. The saber was foreign and Jai had no real combat knowledge, but they’d had dangerous things held against dangerous people before. They could do it if they really wanted to.

That feeling was scary.

Jai opened their hand, letting the saber fall to the floor. It deactivated in midair, landing with a clatter. “No.” They stood tall. “You’ve changed me. You and your pain and this promise of something more. And I don’t like it. I won’t be like the people in those stories. I’m not evil.”

The Second Sister took a second to stand straight before reaching up and taking her helmet off. Jai was surprised by the action. “Neither am I,” the woman underneath said evenly. Her hair was dark and short. Her eyes were cold but her expression was calm. Jai pictured a much crueler face. The Second Sister was strangely… attractive. Not even a little bit of what Jai had been expecting. “There’s no such thing as good and evil, Jai.” This time it sounded like a name. It was a weird change, this woman and her face and the way she said Jai’s name. “There is only power and weakness. This pain. The change it caused. You feel stronger, don’t you? Can you remember before? What scared you? What hurt you? Can you imagine any of it bothering you now?”

Jai had to say: she had a point. Before, the worst thing that Jai was concerned about was… what? A little hunger? Cal losing interest? There were so many much worse things to be afraid of. Things that Jai wouldn’t have to fear if they got even stronger. They wouldn’t need someone else anymore. No more feeling pathetic and useless. No more creating situations that weren’t real in a desperate attempt to feel worth something. Anything.

Cal was out there fighting his fight. Why couldn’t Jai fight theirs? What was waiting for them anywhere else? Cal? Jai had no idea where he was, and he had no idea where they were. Bracca had been a dismal place to end up in the first place, and Jai wouldn’t have ever gotten off of it if not for this whole Inquisitor thing happening. They thought of that power. The Lightning. The surge that made them feel - KNOW - they were completely unstoppable. Watching even the Second Sister fall to her knees, completely helpless.

Swallowing hard, Jai met the eyes of the Second Sister. “I’m listening.”

Training was exhausting and overwhelming.At least now Jai had an actual bed to crash into at the end of every night when it was all over. They actually got sleep, and when they woke up they were allowed to eat actual food. The Second Sister refused to give them a lightsaber, so Jai was being trained in the Force exclusively. It was an easy study, and with fulfilling rewards. The Second Sister got frustrated with them a lot, eager to have them be ready to be in battle and fighting at her side. Eager to have them ready and out there. Every day Jai got stronger, though. The food and sleep were probably a huge help.

Training required a lot of emotion, and it built up a lot of tension and frustration. Jai had been wishing they could cook again. They always used to when things would get really bad. It was something they were good at that they could just do, and please people with the results every time. No one was ever disappointed with Jai’s food as Cal had been when they’d first bothered him. As the Second Sister was in training. As they were at how easily they’d succumbed to the draw of a power that was so very wrong.

Except, as the time passed, it started to feel less wrong. The Force wasn’t just the Dark Side. It was the Jedi and such as well. One day Jai’s curiosity got the better of them. “Second Sister,” they began during a break in training one day. “You’ve taught me about the Dark Side and Sith and such, but… what about the other side of the coin?”

The Second Sister raised an eyebrow. “You want to know about the Jedi?” Jai shrugged. The Second Sister sighed. “That’s not something you need to know about?”

“Why not?” Jai pushed, testing the water. “I’m not going to become a Jedi. I’ve already used the Dark Side far too much. And I’m studying under you, unable to leave this place. If you want me to fight them eventually, isn’t it important to know how they work? Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, yeah?”

There was a moment of silence where the Second Sister just looked at me very intently. Searching. “The Jedi considered themselves peacekeepers. They used the Force mainly for defense, and sometimes to gain knowledge about things. They run and hide like cowards and in the end, they always betray you when it comes down to it. They’re weak.” Her face twisted with anger just slightly and Jai went quiet, not pushing their luck. They waited for the Second Sister to change the subject, but she kept going instead. “They focus on positive emotions and focus. Value things like mercy and self-sacrificing. The strongest of the Jedi always end up dead. It’s better to be what we are now. What you will be someday.”

That really did sound super lame. “How is it different from the Dark Side, the power?”

The Second Sister thought about it. “Well, they have powers that work to defend and teach. Protective shields, or tuning into the memories attached to objects. A long time ago, there was an incredibly powerful Jedi who could see the future.”

Jai’s eyes widened. “What happened to him?”

“He died.”

Jai looked away. “Oh.”

“Yeah. They had the dumbest rules. Attachment was seen as a no-no, but even such a supposedly rule was broken constantly. Masters got attached to their Padawans, and plenty of people had friends or family or romantic partners. They preach love and happiness but breed loneliness and isolation. And endless amounts of hypocrisy. They act like heroes and then fail you when it really matters.”

It was quiet for a long time. “Jedi sound shitty.”

The Second Sister’s lip… twitched. Almost a smile. Jai smiled themself, quite proud of the accomplishment. “They are.”

“You say it like you know on a personal level.” The Second Sister stood, turning away.Jai frowned. They were curious but also kind of irritated. Not at the Second Sister but at these Jedi. The ones who run and hide and let everyone else suffer, but see themselves as heroes. As the staple good guys. These people who preach how much they care, then turn around and in the same breath speak against attachments. Against family and friends and love itself. Jai might have been weaker before this whole thing, but at least they were happy. They were much, MUCH happier without the Force and Jedi. “I’m sorry to-”

“Stand up,” The Second Sister demanded. Jai obeyed, much more willing to follow the Second Sister than before. “You’re angry. Use it. Tap into it and really use it. Let it loose. Let it be as strong and wild and free as the day with the lightning. Be as angry as you were afraid.”

Jai sighed. This wasn’t a life that held happiness or peace aymore. Even the Jedi who apparently focused on positive emotions didn’t harness happiness when they used the Force. This was a life of misery. Of being chased, or chasing. Being killed, or killing.

Only now was Jai realizing that it had actually always been that way- only now were they really understanding that it was.

Training had been lots of little things thus far. Pulling or pushing small objects. Summoning things into their hand. Now they felt the anger. They hated these choices they were given. They hated being trapped on this stupid planet learning how to use a power they resented the second they ‘d really learned what it was. The Force wasn’t good or bad. It wasn’t power or weakness. It was a tool. It was like holding a hammer or a blow torch or a pencil. All it did was take any chance of being really happy, forcing you to use it one way or the other. They hated this stupid power that wouldn’t ever listen to them. That had stayed dormant inside of them for so long, just to surface at the single worst possible moment.

Reaching out their hands, they tried to summon the bag on top of the box. This was the small object of the day. They’d started with dishes and silverware then moved to slightly bigger but lighter things. Clothings and blankets and sheets and such. Now they were stuck on a larger, heavier object. On this stupid bag and things like it. They were stuck, as they always were nowadays.

Jai’s fingers curled as boiling, red rage bubbled up in their chest and spread throughout the rest of their body. Hopelessness and frustration and fear- it all turned to an anger that consumed them. They focused on the bag and it refused to move and they felt even worse. Even more anger. Suddenly the large, stee; box underneath the bag seemed to crumble in on itself, as if Jai had reached out with their fingers and crushed it like a foam ball.

Eyes wide, Jai stepped back, their hands falling to their side. They looked at the Second Sister with shock to see the smirk on her face. “You’re capable of so much more than you ever thought was imaginable. Just let yourself unlock it. Her wrist flicked and Jai felt it before they saw it. They raised an arm and looked just in time to see that same crushed box hovering perfectly suspended in the air, maybe two feet from smashing full force into Jai.

“How did you know I’d be able to stop it.”

The Second Sister’s smirk grew. “I didn’t.” She approached Jai. “How did you?”

Jai swallowed. “I didn’t.”

There was… something huge. Something very big, and Jai was just a second away from completely seeing it. Like a word on the tip of your tongue or your favorite treat that you’re desperately craving being on a shelf, just barely out of reach as your fingers brush the bottom of the container. Like tasting a meal that was missing just a touch of- of something. There was something that Jai wasn’t quite grasping yet, but suddenly it seemed much more in reach because now they understood. Just a little more, they understood the Force and the people who used it.

Everyone was full of fear. Anger. No one wanted to be weak, so they sought after power. Jedi had just as much the capability of crushing and destroying as Sith did, and vice versa. This whole thing was just a way to get just a little stronger. To just have a little up on the person you were fighting.

And it worked, every time.

Maybe the Force wasn’t what Jai should be mad at. It was good and bad, just like everyone else. Everything else. If someone stabbed you with a pencil, it wasn’t the pecil’s fault. It wasn’t the Force keeping them trapped here. It was the Inquisitors. It was the Jedi they fought. It was this stupid eternal war between the “good” and “bad” sides that didn’t exist. The “weak” and the “powerful” that were all doing the exact same things but getting slightly different results because they had slightly different approaches.

Now Jai had a real goal. Not to find Cal or just survive or get more powerful. Jai wanted to understand the Force. To really understand it. They wanted to understand themself and why the Force had been something they of all people could access. They wanted to get off of this god forbidden planet and go do something with their life.

Who cares if they had to be an Inquisitor to do it?

Using the Force after that was suddenly a lot easier. The negative emotions were easy to access. They remembered not only all that time spent in the interrogatio chairs being ruled by endless pain that they couldn’t stop or even slow, but also the days they spent as a child. The days of perfect happiness. Their mom had died when they were very young, but the few memories Jai had of her were always warm and wonderful. Their dad had been just as loving and kind. If they had spent the rest of their life working right by his side and never leaving, that would have been heaven. He was a cook. He’d taught them everything they knew. He saved portions to make for those who really needed it. He was kind and merciful, and what had the world given him in turn? Intruders in the night, murdering him in favor of robbing him and kidnapping his only child.

The robbers had been going to kill Jai until they showed their useful cooking skills. Then when they got the chance as they made a stop on Bracca, they’d booked it and disappeared. They’d taken ages to gain their trust and hadn’t taken the time to take any revenge. No thieving or killing or even hurting- just gone in the night. How many people had they killed since Jai had been gone? How many had they killed while Jai was a part of them? How pathetic were they to simply sit back and let it all happen, just to duck out and pretend none of it had ever happened as they faded into the background of Bracca, doing what they could to survive?

Jai was tired of being helpless. Of being useless. Defenseless. Or running and keeping their head down and closing their eyes and pretending nothing was happen because they couldn’t stop what was, even if it was right in front of them.How many years had they spent simply fading in and out of lives until they’d met Cal and determined he was worth it for whatever reason? Until now, when they’d been found and broken and trained? Well, it didn’t matter, because they wouldn’t be doing it anymore.

They were their own person, and no one was allowed to claim otherwise.

It was the determination above everything else that made Jai strong. Not peace or anger. Not mercy or protectiveness of justice or fear. Just sheer will power. A wanting, above all else, to have something real. Not some temporary purpose like a war or hunting down Jedi. Because then what about after? What happened once the war ended? Once all the Jedi were dead? They’d be back to square one- lost, without a single purpose.

Their new goal? Live.

One day they convinced the Second Sister to let them cook, using the excuse that it helped them focus their emotions more instead of burning them all in one go and then being exhausted afterward. And it did. Just like always, they blew off steam in the kitchen, feeding some eager troopers who were lucky to get there in time to dig in, and then they trained in the Force with determination. Not good or bad. Not peace or chaos. Not power or weakness. Just a refusal to fail.

They became stronger. They also grew wiser. They learned what they’d been seeking in the Force. Just as they’d realized all those times ago- the Sith and the Jedi were both wrong. It wasn't about one or the other, it was about learning about how to balance both. Black and white was dangerous. To every rule there was always an exception.

No killing. What about in self defense?

No stealing. What if someone who’s working for world peace was dying and they were poor and the cure was expensive and it had to be stolen?

No lying. What if some creeper came up to you asking for information?

The world was made up completely of shades of grey. There was not one or the other, but always both. Power AND weakness. Black AND white. Good AND bad. Hard work AND luck. Mercy AND justice. Kindness AND cruelty. Everyone was capable of both, and everyone accessed both at different times. There was a good and a bad, and it was important that you knew the difference and found the balance between both. The only thing that was truly wrong were extremes. Balance was key.

Jai never told the Second Sister or anyone else about this mentality they developed. They never shared their revealed secrets, and continued to instead obey because for now, it was necessary. It was where the Force was taking them. It was the only way forward, and they could be okay with that. They trained and they got stronger and finally the day came.

“Are you awake?”

Jai turned at the Second Sister’s voice. “Of course I am.”

She seemed proud. “We have a mission for you. Are you ready to get off of this planet?” She held out a mask. It was over the lower part of the face, covering their mouth and chin, looping over the ears to the back of the neck. Jai took it and put it on, clicking it closed in the back. It allowed for communications while also leaving the top open. Their vision was unimpeded and their face was mostly revealed- they had no reason to hide it, and had voiced irritation about those who unnecessarily hid their faces. The Second Sister had finally gotten them to stop talking about it, since she herself had a full helmet, but had obviously kept it in mind for Jai’s own mask.

“I was born ready.”

The Second Sister’s chin protrudes slightly, her smirk turning into a dark grin. Jai knew more than ever that what they were doing was going to lead them down a dark path, but they also still recognized that they had to do it. It was time to live. Time to learn and grow and do something other than what the Jedi or the Sith were doing, because both sides were losing and killing everyone else in the process. Jai could settle for this right now. “Let’s go then, Inquisitor.” Jai suddenly missed their name, but the Second Sister hadn’t used it in a long time. She’d been waiting for this moment for far too long, and Jai got the heavy feeling that she was even more excited for this than Jai was. “Let’s get out of here.”

Despite everything, Jai didn’t even hesitate to follow.

[silcntrilcy-blog]

RILEY PEARSON. CISMALE. TWENTY-THREE. ROGUE.

hi !! i’m tess, i’m 18, i’m in cst, and i use she/her pronouns ! i play two babes so far, riley and amelia ! i’ve written out a lot for riles, so i’m just gonna get to it ! i did play this character before, but i’ve revamped him a bit, aged him up a bit, and then did a bit more, so sorry for the novel of a bio ! there is a basics section down below if you’re just skimming for the moment !

My mind is a very dangerous and destructive place; only the darkness survives.

biography

born and raised to two military soldiers in san antonio, texas, riley pearson was nothing short of the perfect son. he was raised strict and proud with a smile on his face and a salute at his fingertips. his mother, lillian, had finished serving her time for her country only a few months after finding out she was pregnant, but his father, jace, was deployed for another service not even a week before riley’s birth. for the first four years of his life, he was a momma’s boy with a picture for a father. lillian worked hard to make sure riley knew who his father was, what he looked like, the sound of his voice from scattered calls and old home videos. when his father returned, all it took was a week of activities to spur into him those four years his father missed. he was an easy adapter, and his parents saw that clearly.

they were a family, and nothing was going to take that away from them. they dressed him up every day and sent him to school, welcomed him with open arms off the bus, and sat together for dinner in the kitchen as they mused over their day. some would call them ideal, others seemed to like the term “robotic”. it continued like this for years, and soon enough, riley realized just how ideal his parents thought he was.

he stayed inside every night, nearing the age of fourteen, while his friends ran off to birthday parties, concerts and soccer practice. he had never realized his parent’s overbearing expectations until he was made to realize that hardly any other kid had them. he began to hate his home.

he started breaking rules— staying out past curfew, never doing his homework, running away to friend’s houses for days on end, not as much as a text home to let his parents know he was alright. he had gone from the golden boy to the town nuisance. but it was only when he was caught with drugs (weed) at school did his parents draw the line.

he had just turned fifteen when his parents shipped him off to military boot camp. he was infuriated, acting out for nearly a month when he first got there, but slowly he started to condemn to their rules. he began to fall back to that perfect, golden child that he was before. he took his drill sergeant's orders as if they came from his parents. he started making friends, basking in the life he had taken for granted. and not three years later, he was stepping off the bus from boot camp, a smile on his face and a pep in his step. he was happy to see his parents— he figured maybe life would be perfect now. they were going to be this ideal, uniform family again, no matter how robotic. he realized everything his parents did, every little rule and promise, it all was meant to make him into a better man, to keep him on a straight line. over the years, he saw kids continuing to rebel within the boot camp, pushing their luck and ending up worse in the end. it was a never ending cycle, and he wanted no part of it. oh how did his dreams fly.

one year after riley stepped off the bus from bootcamp, his entire ideal world crumbled. a virus swept over the world and the dead began walking. everything his parents had trained for, everything he had trained for, was surrounding them in hoards. they grabbed everything they could and darted off to the first military base they could find, leaving everyone they ever knew behind. they were soldiers now— but they weren’t fighting for their country; they were fighting for their lives.

the pearson family lasted three months. three months of family bonding and survival all washed down the drain when their military base was overrun by an enormous hoard of the undead. soldiers fought bravely, proudly, and children cowered behind whatever family they had left. riley and his parents were in the front of the battle, and as his mother called out a final i love you, her arm was torn apart. his father jumped in to save her, and his leg was attacked from behind. all the while, riley watched in frozen terror as the family he once knew was ripped to shreds.

he couldn’t remember what happened— maybe he fought his way through, maybe he cowered behind everyone else until the last dead had dropped, maybe he slept through it all, but somehow, some way, riley walked out of that base with his life, his father’s jacket, and a gun, not a thing else. no one else survived, that he knows of, and he was the last one alive to tell the tale.

after that, he took no chances. three years of bootcamp and an entire life of military parents taught him how to fight like a soldier no matter what world he was in. he became a cold killer, fighting for himself and only himself. the memory of his parents burned in the front of his brain— they died for him, and he was damn sure not going to let their death be in vain. so he fights for himself, for the world he remembers, and he does whatever it takes to survive— no matter the cost.

he’s became colder, crueler, more sculpted by this world than he ever had been. he resorted to staying silent on most occasions, rarely a full phrase spewing from his lips. he’s fell into an emotionless state for a long time, pushing himself away from other survivors, knowing no matter what, they’d all end up the same. in his mind, there was no point to friendships anymore, no point in taking the time to get to know someone if their fate was already sealed. this mindset hurt him more than he could comprehend, and it took a while for him to learn from his mistakes

it was only last year that riley began travelling with another survivor, italia. they had crossed paths time and time again over the years, and at some point, they just stopped leaving eachother. this... bond, friendship, whatever they wanted to call it, it’s what he needed to chip away at that cold, hard exterior. she had the same sadness in her eyes, the same trauma laced in her veins, and somehow, their pain merged. suddenly, he was talking again, the sentences getting longer as time passed. but of course, tragedy always found riley.

only a few months after joining italia in the apocalypse, riley came face to face with someone he thought he’d never see again. at first, riley thought it was just another bug eye, a stage three that was just begging for a bullet between the eyes. but that flash of camo and the glimmer of a rusted locket hanging around rotting skin, riley felt his whole world collapse ontop of him. it was his mother, in all her rotting glory. 

riley broke. for the first time in years, he let himself break down, right in front of the one person he knew would understand. together, two fingers on the trigger of a shaking gun, riley and italia put his mother to rest. he buried his mother with his father’s old military jacket, his most prized possession, and traded it in for the locket that held years of memories between the rusted engravings. it took him another month or two to push down the urge to burst into tears. 

riley blamed himself for what happened to his mother, not only her death, but for her afterlife. she was left to roam the world for years as a rotting corpse, all because he didn’t take the time to give her mercy back at the base. his father, god knows where he is. 

he took those months to heal, to put the pieces back together, and now he’s managing to live a functional life. he’s speaking more, managing full phrases, almost keeping a conversation. it’s a complete 180 of the boy he used to be.

basics.

riley is an 23 year old survivor who witnessed the death of his parents around 4 ago on a military base where they and many other families had escaped to during the initial outbreak. his family was military born and raised, all of them as uniform and perfect as you would expect. when his teen years came along, he began to rebel— running away, getting mixed up with drugs, general disrespectful teenager stuff. when his parents had decided they had taken enough, they shipped him off to military boot camp, and three years later, riley pearson stepped off that bus and walked home a perfect soldier. he had hoped everything would return to how it used to be before he had ruined it all, but a year after he returned home, the outbreak began and all hopes of a perfect life were destroyed. after the death of his parents, he was the lone survivor of the military base and the last remaining piece of his family. he has become cold since their death, nearly emotionless, only continuing to fight for the sake of his family’s memory. he’s no longer much of a talker, and after seeing his mother’s corpse just a year ago, he’s wondering if he’ll ever get back to the boy he once was. he’s currently travelling alongside another survivor, italia, and she has helped him to speak more, managing full phrases, sometimes even sentences.

wanted connections.

bootcamp buddies - this is someone that riley met in bootcamp and became friends with during those three years. they wouldn’t know about riley’s past since the bootcamp, i.e. the death of his parents and the loss of everything he loves, so this reunion would be quite the awkward one taken by dani jennings 

trading partners - riley has decided to trade with a very select group of people, all single rogues or rogue pairs, and has kept the personal information to the bare minimum. they meet at set locations, on a routine schedule so not everyone is there at once, and trade the basic needs of what they have. i’d love to have some of these trading partners!

an ex ? - this would be from his rebellious years, before the three years in bootcamp (or honestly maybe even the beginning of boot camp ? ). he is a completely different person than he was back then, though he has fallen into some of his old habits (smoking). this could be fun !

his uncle - there is a wc on the main for this !!! i’d love to see him around

those are all i’ve really got now, but if you’d like to plot or fill a connection, hmu! my ims are always open and i do have a discord !

[boat-full-of-lotus-pods]

MDZS Chapter 86. “Core” Part 8

You gotta bring your boyfriend to the place where you grew up

Wei WuXian, “Is there any evidence for everything you’ve said?”

After a pause, Sisi replied, “No. But if I’ve spoken even one line of falsehood, then let my body rot and be buried without a full corpse!”

Sect Leader Yao interjected immediately, “Her story is too detailed to be a lie!”

Frowning, Lan QiRen turned to the other woman, “I believe I’ve seen you before.”

The woman seemed alarmed, “P-perhaps we’ve met.”

Some people were startled by this admission, ‘Sisi is a prostitute. Is this woman a prostitute as well? How could Lan QiRen have known her?’

The woman continued, “During the LaolingQin Sect’s discussion conference, I had accompanied my madam.”

A female cultivator with sharp eyes named her, “You are……Bi Cao, Madam Qin’s handmaid Bi Cao! Is that right?”

The Madam Qin she was referring to was the wife of Qin CangYe, the mother of Jin GuangYao’s late wife Qin Su. The woman nodded, “But I am no longer with the Qin Sect.”

Sect Leader Yao exclaimed with vigor, “Do you have something to tell us as well?”

With red-rimmed eyes, Bi Cao replied, “What I’m about to tell takes place a bit earlier, around twelve to thirteen years ago.”

“I had served Madam Qin for many years and had watched Maiden A-Su grew up. Madam loved A-Su dearly and always looked out for her. But around the time of Young Madam Su’s wedding, the Madam’s mood was always down. She had nightmares almost every night, and wept a lot during the day. At the time, I’d thought it was because her daughter was getting married and that she was sad to see her leave, so I’d comfort her and tell her that Young Madam’s husband was a nice young man with a good position and a good temperament. He was an earnest, loyal man who would make the Young Madam happy. But everytime I said these things, Madam would become even sadder.”

“A few days before the wedding, Madam suddenly told me one evening that she needed to go see Young Madam Su’s future husband. And that she needed to go see him immediately, and asked me to accompany her. I said, “If you want to see him you can summon him, Madam. Why would we go to a young man’s place in secret in the middle of the night and draw suspicion on ourselves if someone hears about it?” But Madam insisted, and so in the end I went with her. Once we were there, she asked me to stay outside, didn’t let me in, so I had no idea what she and Jin GuangYao talked about. I only know that a few days later when the day of the wedding ceremony was finally decided upon, Madam fainted the moment she saw the official invitations. She continued to be miserable long after Young Madam Su’s wedding. It was a sickness of the heart that only grew worse as the days went by. Right before she passed away, she finally couldn’t keep things to herself any longer, and told me everything.”

Tears streamed down Bi Cabo’s face as she continued, “LianFang-Zun Jin GuangYao and our Maiden Su aren’t husband and wife at all. They are brother and sister……”

“What?!”

It was as if a bolt of lightning had struck over the Training Hall. Everyone was flabbergasted. Wei WuXian could see Qin Su’s pale face in his mind’s eyes. Bi Cao continued, “Fate couldn’t be crueler to my Madam…… The late Sect Leader Jin was a monster. He fancied my Madam’s beauty. One time, while he was drunk, he forced himself on her…… How could my Madam resist him? And afterwards she didn’t dare to speak of it to anyone. My Master was loyal to Jin GuangShan and held him at a high place. Madam was terrified. Jin GuangShan couldn’t remember whose daughter Young Madam Su was, but my Madam could never forget. She didn’t dare to confront Jin GuangShan directly and knew that the Young Madam truly loved Jin GuangYao. After struggling for a long time, she still decided to go find Jin GuangYao in secret before the wedding so she could tell him the truth and plead for him to think of some ways to lift the engagement and avoid this atrocity. Little had she expected, Jin GuangYao would still marry her even after knowing that she was his sister!”

What was scarier was that not only did he marry her, the two even went on to have a child!

What a colossal atrocity!

People’s comments were becoming more and more heated, “How many years had Sect Leader Qin followed after Jin GuangShan? How could he be so low as to lay hands on a loyal subordinate’s wife? Jin GuangShan is too much!”

“No secrets can stay hidden forever……”

“If Jin GuangYao wanted a solid footing in the Lanling Jin Sect, then he needed a powerful ally like Qin CangYe to be his father-in-law. How could he let this opportunity go?”

“He must be a madman amongst madmen.”

Wei WuXian turned to Lan WangJi in a low voice, “No wonder he told her, “A-Song must die” back in the secret room.”

Others inside the Training Hall had thought of A-Song as well. Sect Leader Yao said, “Judging from this, I may be so bold to guess that his son wasn’t assassinated, but killed by Jin GuangYao himself.”

“What do you mean?”

Sect Leader Yao reasoned, “Children born of incest will most likely be mentally handicapped. Jin RuSong was only a few years old when he’d died, just around the time when a child’s intelligence starts to flourish. His developmental problems wouldn’t be very obvious to anyone when he was a toddler, but as soon as he was a little older, it’d be impossible to hide them. Even if no one traced his issues to the possibility of incest, he’d still be mentally handicapped all his life. People would no doubt point their fingers at Jin GuangYao then, saying things about his upbringing…such as how only the son of a prostitute could ever father children like this or the likes……”

Many saw the logic in this reasoning, “Such a sharp mind, Sect Leader Yao!”

Sect Leader Yao continued, “Plus, the one who supposedly murdered Jin RuSong also just so happened to be the sect leader in opposition of Jin GuangYao building the lookout towers. Isn’t that too much of a coincidence?” He smirked, “Either way, there was very little reason for Jin GuangYao to keep a stunted offspring. He’d be much better off having Jin RuSong killed and framing it on an opposing sect leader. That way he could use justice and revenge as excuse to prosecute the sect that he could not tame. It’s a cruel yet very efficient method, getting rid of two birds with one stone. LianFang-Zun is a brilliant manipulator!”

Suddenly, Wei WuXian turned to Bi Cao, “During the discussion conference at Koi Tower a few days ago, you went to see Qin Su, didn’t you?”

Bi Cao was surprised. Wei WuXian, “That night, Qin Su and Jin GuangYao had an argument inside the Fragrant Palace. She said she saw someone who had told her something and given her a letter, and that the person would never lie to her. She was referring to you, wasn’t she?”

Bi Cao, “Yes.”

Wei WuXian, “You’ve held this secret for so many years, why did you suddenly decide to tell her the truth then? And why did you suddenly decide to tell everyone this now?”

Bi Cao, “Because……I needed Young Madam Su to know what kind of a person her husband really was. Originally, I didn’t intend to tell this to everyone, but after the Young Madam mysteriously took her own life at Koi Tower, I decided to reveal the truth about that monster and bring Madam Su some justice.”

Wei WuXian smiled, “So it has never occurred to you how big of a blow it would be for her to know the truth? Unless you really don’t know? It’s precisely because you had told her first that Qin Su took her own life.”

Bi Cao, “I……”

Sect Leader Yao was indignant, “I disagree. Are you saying that hiding the truth would have been the right thing to do?”

Another person immediately interjected, “You can’t blame the messenger. Aye, Madam J-……Qin Su was too delicate.”

A few older female cultivators commented, “Qin Su… What a poor woman.”

“I used to admire her. What fortune she had. Brought up well, married well. The Madam of Koi Tower with a loyal, loving husband. Aye, who knew……”

One woman sounded not at all surprised, “What’s pretty on the surface is often ugly on the inside. There’s nothing to admire.”

Wei WuXian pondered in silence, ‘Maybe this was why Qin Su had chosen to end her life. She probably didn’t want to withstand other people’s pity and gossip.’

Lowering his gaze, he saw a gold bracelet embellished in jade around Bi Cao’s wrist. It was of the utmost craftsmanship and definitely not something that a handmaid could afford to wear. Smiling, he commented, “Nice bracelet.”

Bi Cao immediately tugged her sleeve lower and lowered her head without a word.

Nie HuaiSang blurted out with confusion in his voice, “But…But what’s the real purpose behind these two coming here today? What exactly is this for?”

Sect Leader Yao, “What’s the point of pining over these details? No matter who’s sent them here, there’s one thing we know for sure: He’s a man of justice who’s definitely on our side.”

Many people agreed, “That’s right!”

Yet Wei WuXian challenged it, “The one who’d save Maiden Sisi cannot be an average man. He must have a lot of time and wealth on his hands. But a man of justice? Not necessarily.”

Lan WangJi, “Too many uncertainties.”

Had Wei WuXian been the one to have said this, everyone would probably just ignore him. But since it was Lan WangJi who had spoken, silence immediately fell upon the room. Lan QiRen asked, “Which parts?”

Wei WuXian, “Oh, many, many parts. For example, if Jin GuangYao is truly completely cruel and remorseless, then why would he kill two dozen women only to keep Sisi alive? Now that we have a witness, where’s the evidence?”

All this time, he had been challenging the norm, singing a different tone than the crowd. Some people were beginning to feel annoyed. Sect Leader Yao shouted, “Then this is exactly what they mean when they say ‘the net of Heaven’s has large meshes, but lets nothing through’[1].”

Wei WuXian smiled and had nothing left to say.

He knew no one would listen to him right now. No one would seriously consider his questions. If he kept going, the blades might turn towards him instead. Had he been a decade younger, he wouldn’t have cared what other people would say or think of him. He’d have spoken to his heart’s content even if no one wanted to listen. Now, however, Wei WuXian was no longer interested in being in the spotlight.

Thus, wave after waves of heated discussion started inside the hall:

“How could he be so ungrateful[2]?! What a madman[3]!”

For a decade, in the public’s discussions, “ungrateful” and “madman” were two words that had become nearly interchangeable with Wei WuXian’s name. And so for a split moment, he’d thought that the crowd was cursing his name again before realizing that they weren’t directed at him. Same crowd. Same words. Yet the one being cursed had changed. It would take some time for him to get used to it.

Immediately, another voice spoke up, “The connection he had with ChiFeng-Zun and ZeWu-Jun was the only reason why Jin GuangYao even managed to climb to where he is now. Otherwise how could the son of a prostitute ever land himself in such a high position? To think that he would stab ChiFeng-Zun in the back! ZeWu-Jun is still with him right now. I can only pray that nothing bad has happened to him yet!”

Originally, none of them had believed that the death of Nie MingJue, the mutilation of his corpse, and the fierce corpses that tried to lay siege on them on Burial Mound had anything to do with Jin GuangYao. Now, however, they all decided to change their minds.

“Not only his sworn brother, even blood brothers couldn’t escape his betrayal. In the years following Jin GuangShan’s death, he took no delays in getting rid of his father’s other bastards, worried that someone would come take his birthright from him. Mo XuanYu was one of the luckier ones. Had he not been driven out for his madness, he might have disappeared like all his other brothers, who all went missing for various reasons.”

“He probably played a hand in the death of Jin ZiXuan as well!”

“Anyone still remember Xiao XingChen from years ago? Xiao XingChen of ‘the bright moon and the gentle breeze’? And the case of the Yueyang Chang Clan. LianFang-Zun even greatly exerted his influence just to protect the man who was involved in that case, Xue Yang.”

“Didn’t a lot of sect wanted to take Xiao XingChen in as a guest cultivator when he first came down the mountain? The Lanling Jin Sect had filed an invitation too but was rejected. At the time, the Jin Sect had been really full of themselves. To be rejected by some small cultivator must have been terribly embarrassing for them. Later, when they protected Xue Yang, it must have been about this earlier grudge. Either way, they probably didn’t want things to end well for Xiao XingChen.”

“Tsk, who did they think they are?! To destroy someone just because they rejected their invitation?”

“Aye, it’s too bad. I was fortunate enough to have witnessed the splendor of Daozhang Xiao XingChen’s night hunt for myself once. His Shaunghua was a sight to behold.”

“Jin GuangYao eventually took care of Xue Yang as well, like mad dogs turning on one another.”

“I heard that back when Jin GuangYao was undercover in the Qishan Wen Sect years ago, he wasn’t loyal to the cause at all. What he’d really had in mind was this: If the Sunshot Campaign were to fail, then he’d continue following the Wen Sect and smooch up to Wen Ruohan. And if the Wen Sect were to fall, then he’d stab them in the back and make a hero of himself.”

“Wen RuoHan must be turning in his grave right now. He’d trusted him like a family and invested in him greatly. Even the sword technique that Jin GuangYao uses today was mostly taught to him by Wen RuoHan himself!”

“That’s nothing. I heard that the reason behind ChiFeng-Zun’s failed ambush at the time was because Jin GuangYao’s had given him false information!”

“Let me share a secret as well then. The money and resources needed to build those lookout towers of his were all gathered from other sects, right? Each sec would receive the portions they’ve contributed, but I’ve heard that he’d actually retain for himself…… this much.”

“Oh Heavens…… that much? How shameless! And here I thought he was honestly trying to do things with them. We’ve been feeding our devotions to the dogs!”

Wei WuXian found this all to be quite amusing. He mused in his heart, ‘If you know it’s only rumors, then why believe it without question? If it’s really a secret, then how did you come to know about it?’

None of these rumors were fresh or new. While the tides had favoured Jin GuangYao, they were effectively contained, and no one really believed them to be true. Yet, in the span of one night, it was as if all the rumors had suddenly become solid evidence, and one by one they became the cornerstone foundation to Jin GuangYao’s tower of sins; proof of his madness.

“So it appears that not only has he murdered his father, his brother, his wife, his son, his master, his friend… But he also committed incest. What a scary man!”

“The Lanling Jin Sect is unapologetically tyrannical, and Jin GuangYao never liked to listen to anyone else. The Jin Sect had always been full of themselves, and under Jin GuangYao’s influence, they’ve been stomping all over us and doing whatever they want. Did he really think we’d keep tolerating him and allow such evil to persist?!”

“He must be growing wary of how far and wide the other sect’s influences have been spreading. Afraid of being overthrown just like the QiShan Wen Sect. So he decided to go all out without worrying of consequences, getting rid of us once and for all.”

Sect Leader Yao smirked, “If that’s what it is, then so be it. We’ll turn his worst fear into reality.” He slammed the table hard, “We’ll lay siege on Koi Tower!”

Cheers of agreement erupted all around them. Wei WuXian thought to himself, ‘Just yesterday, this “scary man” was still the respectable LianFang-Zun. Within a day, they’d already started screaming for his blood.’

Suddenly, someone turned to him, “Mister Wei, Jin GuangYao has the Tiger Seal in his hands. We’d have to rely on you for that.”

Wei WuXian, “Ah?”

Never had he expected anyone to voluntarily talk to him, not to mention with so much passion and respect, and even addressing him as “Mister” and not “thief” or “dog” or some other similar derogatories. Wei WuXian paused slightly. Immediately, another sect leader turned to him as well, “That’s right! No one’s a greater expert than the Yiling Patriarch in this matter!”

“Now, Jin GuangYao’s hit something larger than he can handle, hahahaha…”

Wei WuXian was momentarily speechless. The last time anyone had praised and schmoozed to him like this had been back during the Sunshot Campaign over a decade ago. Although someone else had finally replaced him on this throne reserved for the cultivation world’s public enemy, nothing about this felt sweet or rewarding. Neither was there the feeling of gratitude for finally being accepted by the rest of the world. The only thing he felt was suspicion, ‘Is this also what happened then? A bunch of people gathering at some random place, spontaneously had some secret discussion, spat curses all over the sky the whole night, and then just all decided to go lay siege at Burial Mound?’

The discussion ended just as preparations for the YumengJiang Sect’s banquet hall were complete. But when the banquet commenced, two figures had disappeared from the crowd. A Sect Leader wondered, “How come we are missing Wei-……the Yiling Patriarch and HanGuang-Jun?”

Sitting in the head seat, Jiang Cheng asked the guest cultivator beside him, “Where are they?”

The guest cultivator replied, “After leaving the inner hall, they went to get a change of clothes. They said they won’t be joining us for the banquet, and would be taking a walk instead. They also said they’ll be back later.”

Jiang Cheng smirked, “Rude as always.”

His words seemed to imply that Lan WangJi was impolite as well, and it made Lan QiRen displeased. If Lan WangJi could be considered rude, then there would be no such thing as politeness in this world. The thought made Lan QiRen clench his jaw at Wei WuXian again. Meanwhile, Jiang Cheng had adjusted his expression back to normal and politely announced, “Please, let us eat. I will invite the two of them back later.”

Beyond the front gate of Lotus Pier, Lan WangJi wordlessly let Wei WuXian guide them near the docks, strolling leisurely and aimlessly.

There were a couple of food vendors by the docks. Walking up to them, Wei WuXian smiled and said, “Skipping the banquet was a great decision. Lan Zhan, come here, come here, this pancake is delicious. I’ll treat you! Excuse me, I’ll take two of these.”

Smiling, the vendor wrapped up two pancakes in oil paper[4]. Just as Wei WuXian was about to receive them, he suddenly remembered that he was penniless. How could this be his treat? Meanwhile, Lan WangJi had already received the food for them with one hand, and paid with the other. Wei WuXian, “Ayah, I’m so sorry, why is it always like this? It seems that every time I plan to treat you to food, I end up treating you nothing.”

Lan WangJi, “It’s fine.”

Wei WuXian lowered his head for a bite, “Back in the days, I never had to pay for street food. I just grabbed what I wanted, whenever I wanted. I’d eat as I walked or just grab one and run. At the end of every month, the street vendors would go directly to Uncle Jiang with the bills.”

Lan WangJi left a delicate, crescent-shaped mark on the otherwise very round pancake in his hand, “You still don’t have to pay.”

Wei WuXian, “Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!”

Wei WuXian finished his pancake in just a few bites. Bunching up the oil paper into a ball, he played with it in his hands. Eyes darting about, he said, “There aren’t a lot of other vendors left. Back in the days, these docks were always filled with street vendors no matter how late it was, selling all kinds of food. A lot of people from Lotus Pier used to have very late suppers. There’d be quite a few boats around too, not any less than the Textile Town near your sect.”

He continued, “There’s a lot less now. Lan Zhan, you’re here too late. You didn’t get to see when this place was at its best and most interesting.”

Lan WangJi, “Not too late.”

Wei WuXian smiled, “Back when I was studying at the Cloud Recesses, I’d told you so many times that I’d take you to Yunmeng to play. You’d always ignore me. I should have been more bold and daring and just dragged you over. Why are you eating so slow? You don’t like it?”

Lan WangJi, “Eat silently.”

Lan WangJi was always a careful and meticulous eater. He always chewed before he swallowed. If he were to speak, he’d always make sure that there was no food in his mouth. Wei WuXian said, “Alright, then I will stop talking to you while you eat. I thought you didn’t like it. And I was even going to offer finishing the rest for you.”

Lan WangJi turned to the vendor owner, “Another one, please.”

By the time Wei WuXian was done finishing his third, Lan WangJi was still slowly working through his first, and they had already strolled very far away from the docks of Lotus Pier. Still leading the way, Wei WuXian pointed left and right for Lan WangJi to look at as they wandered about the streets.

He very much wanted to show Lan WangJi all the places he’d been to while growing up —where he’d played at, fought at, rolled at— and tell him about all the funny, terrible, mischievous things he’d done —the people he’d fought, the things he’d nabbed, the pheasants he’d chased. He would then watch for the slightest variation of expression on Lan WangJi’s face, anticipating his every reaction.

Wei WuXian, “Lan Zhan! Look at me, look at this tree.”

Finally finishing his pancake, Lan WangJi folded the oil paper into a neat little square and held it in his hand as he looked towards where Wei WuXian was pointing. It was just an average tree, straight, lush, and looked to be around more than a decade old. Wei WuXian walked up to the tree, circled around it twice, then slapped its trunk, “I’ve climbed this tree before.”

Lan WangJi, “You have climbed most trees we’ve seen on the way over.”

Wei WuXian, “This one is special! This is the first tree I’ve climbed when I first came to Lotus Pier. I climbed it in the middle of the night. My shijie came to find me with a lantern, and tried to catch me from below in case I fell. But how could she catch me with those thin arms of hers? So I still ended up breaking my leg.”

Staring at his leg, Lan WangJi asked him, “Why were you climbing a tree in the middle of the night?”

Bending at the waist, Wei WuXian smiled, “No particular reason. You know me, I love to fool around outside late at night. Haha.”

-

Footnotes:

[1]: ‘The net of Heaven has large meshes, but lets nothing through’: a Chinese proverb that essentially means that all evil will be prosecuted and punished eventually, even though the net of Heaven (aka justice) isn’t always thorough and meticulous all the way.

[2]: “Ungrateful”: Ungrateful doesn’t actually fully convey the gravity of the term “忘恩负义” used in the novel. Essentially it’s used to describe a lack of integrity, of turning against those who did you favours in the past. A bit similar to the English term “bite the hand that feeds you”.

[3]: “Madman”: The original term used in the novel by people to describe Jin GuangYao is actually “丧心病狂”, which implies both a lack of sanity and morals.

[4]: Oil paper: Kind of like wax paper but with oil applied to paper for water-resistance instead of wax.

Lastly:

A special note of thank you to my betas @clockworkspider and anon gremlin for this chapter. Thank you guys. SO much.

[cowandcalf]

H50 9.02 - Steve’s Oath

It’s this one scene that won’t let me rest. It’s always there, at the back of my head, poking, nudging my thoughts. After I’ve watched the episode last Friday I was all in to write another one-shot with Steve’s thoughts, but it would have eaten up too much time and because I’m busy with other writing on my to-do list I’ll go with a post on Tumblr. I try to explain what keeps my mind busy after I watched this scene with Steve and Greer in the interrogation room for a second and a third time.

During all the episodes of the last eight seasons, I’ve never experienced this special feeling that has been stirred to life watching this one scene, watching Steve and his reaction when Greer talks to him about her reasons why she has chosen another way, to regroup with the enemy. It’s nothing new to Steve to deal with people who have turned their back on their belief and their oath but this talk shifted something in Steve’s soul.

In a former episode Steve talked about his country, his America he as given the oath to serve and to protect. He was referring to it as she/her - “You swore to protect her and defend her.” Something like that. It’s always a moving moment to listen to Steve when he talks about his country he would give his life to protect. And America isn’t just a country to Steve, no, it’s a purpose to live for. To serve is in his bones, it’s something ancient that buzzes hidden but rhythmically in Steve’s cells and pulses through his whole body. It’s in his genes. (I dare to dramatically emphasize it like that.)

I’ve spent a lot of time to ponder about Steve and his dedication to being a servant for his mother country. And I try to catch this spark, this notion which is there but so very difficult to form into words. I never will fully understand what goads Steve to freely hand over his heart and his soul and serve as a SEAL. I’m not good at Military stuff and all the Navy and Naval intelligence information, ranks and what comes with all the education. But I’m good at reading people and I’m good with emotions. I try to make my explanation work.

I dare to say that nobody, not even Danny, nobody but Steve’s SEAL buddies know and understand what moves Steve when it comes to America and his duty to protect her. Freddie Heart was in tune with the same dedication. Steve’s motivation could be compared to the knight of the blackboard serving their king, King Arthur.

The oath Steve has sworn stays above everything else - and I mean everything. This oath has this touch of divinity and I also dare to say, that the attitude, this inner need, which forces Steve to make such a choice is the glue that holds Steve’s soul together. (And I don’t know if Steve had had the choice to be a SEAL without being sent away if he had made that choice and if he had followed that path - a whole other thread to talk about.) It’s in his genes to bow to such a task in the way he does.

To be a servant needs humbleness, it needs a pureness of a kind that’s very rare. There is loyalty and honestly and never ever is there a rear exit and a chance to change the mind. It’s not about what they choose, this is about what they are - what Steve is.

I’ve read the Artus Trilogy by Gillian Bradshaw (one of the best ever) and there is Gawain (he reminds me of Steve) - and he stole my heart. His story moved me beyond words and the love he has for his king is so big, that I won’t find the right words to describe what drives him closer and closer to King Arthur, with this single aim, this intense wish: to be a knight for his king, to present him his life and to fight for him, to die for him. I’ve never found more accurate words which are able to describe this dedication, to paint the undying love with words, to let me feel this everlasting and divine love, this fearless strength, this stamina to stand proud for their king, to fight till the last drop of blood, to defend their king with every inch of their soul. In the end, Gawain he’s one of King Arthur’s knights, his closest and his most dreaded knight, who goes berserk in battle, feeling no pain, no fear, being inhumanly strong - to fight for his King. Just like Steve and the way he fights for his country and for his people.

Steve’s belief in his country, in his oath, in his choice is set in stone, immovable and everlasting. He doesn't have seconds thoughts. He has never had them.

Betrayal of trust, to sell out this said oath, this belief in America is unforgivable for Steve. Btw, if I had to describe America in a mystique way I’d say: she is this female, ageless entity, old and beautiful and precious, a wise lady who truly owns Steve’s heart (like Galadriel from LOTR). Once someone has crossed this line, there’s never a way back. Steve suffers every loss of his fellow comrade.

And Greer was such a comrade and even a special one because he had feelings for her. This group of unique members speaking a language of their own, trusting each other with their lives, blindly and unconditionally. This group is small - and it gets smaller and smaller. Steve doesn’t have new comrades. The tightest bond has been build during his training and education days, during becoming a SEAL and being sent on missions. The group members get diminished and each and everyone who is lost to betrayal destroys something in Steve’s soul.

Greer’s betrayal destroys a part of Steve. It came out of the blue, unexpected - detonating like a meteorite in his heart. I’m sure he would have sworn under oath that she’s an honest soul. I guess the shock to misinterpret her character was as big as a shock as to find out she works together with the Chinese. Steve tries to fight all the fallout. And in the end, there is disgust, antipathy, and a deep-rooted aversion. This chasm isn’t to pass ever again. Steve won’t let this person back into his inner world. It’s over - forever.

But Greer does not only cut deep into Steve’s soul by turning her back on everything his life is built upon, there is something else she causes - it’s way crueler (from my point of view): she’s planted a seed of doubt in Steve’s soul when she said: “You think you’re such a good guy, Steve. But you’ve done things. Bad things. You can tell yourself they were in the name of doing some greater good. But were they, really?”

I have to admit that Greer has a point with what she's saying. And Steve doesn't want to hear it. His doubts flair up, being there, hovering in the air for a fraction of a second and I can almost see him squash them down where they can never arise again. I get the impression that Steve has a movie, racing through his mind, with all the terrible things he'd done in the name of this greater good, in the name to defend America, his Lady. I got the impression that Steve watches all the action, all his past (or at least a part of it) from a different angle for the first time in life. And maybe it's also because he has suffered so many losses and so many betrayals: from his mother, from Catherine and now from Greer. He desperately needs to understand, what the hell is wrong!?

Freddie got killed in action and cut a hole in Steve's heart. So far, he has faced every tragedy but somehow Greer and her speech get to him. And I wouldn't wonder if, for the shortest amount of time, there was an understanding forming in Steve’s mind why she did it. Or let me say, he wishes to understand because everything else kills him and chokes him and he can't grasp the logic, the hurt, and the failed trust.

I can't get rid of the image of the "Last Man Standing" when the world went to shit and crumbles to dust and there's only Steve trying to find kindred spirits to not feel so alone anymore.

Something bad has happened in Marrakesh and Steve hates to be reminded and his question "You threatening me?" tells me about this bad shit, that something epic went down and it went south and somehow Steve was able to sit on that lid of that pandora box and kept everything hidden and stored away – until now.

Have you ever witnessed this odd, strangely unfamiliar expression on Steve's face? He seems torn as if the memories itself deform his face, and suddenly this onslaught of memories are attacking him from different angles. And the worst is to know that his ally has just turned his back on him, being a fraud and a terrible disappointment. Two heavy blows to his heart. Again, Steve stands alone, bereft of this invisible strength that always keeps him upright. It's part of his backbone, this belief in his country and in his oath and in his comrades.

I can't get rid of the feeling that Steve starts to think about his actions and if it was the right thing to do. I guess I could go on for another hour, but the most important fact from this scene is the way Steve's inner world crashes down. Losing Greer to the enemy has a severe effect on how Steve sees himself - I guess? At least I've got the impression that he's struggled a moment, stumbled and caught himself. He walks tall again, but there's this heaviness now wafting around his chest. Something is off, and it worries him deeply.

And Danny – Danny can't help him, because Danny doesn't belong to this world. The Navy is like a separate realm in Steve's mind and in his life. He only can share openly with comrades who have sworn the same oath.

I'm interested what others think about this scene. Have I exaggerated? Have I interpreted too much into that scene? And after I've written that long essay, I'm still convinced that this scene was so painful for Steve because again, it has caused a major shift in his tectonic plates within his soul.

[jokingthief]

I know those eyes

@empressxchaos

Inspired by THIS

Haru Okumura secretly aided Goro Akechi in the murder of her father via the Metaverse. During her time with the Phantom Thieves she and the leader Akira Kurusu grew close and started a relationship together, until it came time to betray him which she found to be a harder and harder task so she distanced herself from the group, formally leaving and ending her relationship with Akira in hopes of sparing herself extra pain.

At first when she believed that Goro’s plan had worked and Akira was dead, having been kept out of the loop from the rest due to her uninvolvement, when she learned from Goro that the phantom thieves still seemed to be active and targeting Shido she accompanied him to put an end to them, however she was shocked to not only see Akira leading them but unsurprised by her being with Akechi revealing that he had known for some time but couldn’t bring himself to confront her.

In the ensuing battle Akechi and Haru assumed that they killed all the members of the Phantom Thieves, Akira being the last to fall and being the most difficult to kill, only dying while trying to protect his friends.

After this Haru and Goro’s long term plans went into effect as Shido took control of the government, they allowed him time to actually correct some of the things they felt were wrong with the government before killing his Metaverse counterpart and causing him to suffer a mental breakdown.

After this Goro went on to be a successful detective and married Haru who took full control of her family's company, which remained highly competitive but eased up on the difficulty place upon its workers.

Everything seemed fine…… until…

5 years later…

Haru glanced around the room, her relaxing smile affixed to her face as she did so. Goro was talking with a group of admirers, and everything felt like just another high society get together, though she was curious about their host.

Ren Amamiya. Very little was known about him beyond the fact that he was running the most profitable tech companies ever seen. He had made very few public appearances and had gained something of a reclusive reputation though he had recently started making a few more appearances, this party being one such event.

Her gaze drifted around the room before noticing that Goro was walking over to her, a man walking next to him. A man who’s appearance made her heart stop, and her breath catch in her throat.

It couldn’t be.

He was dead…

“My dear, allow me to introduce our host for the evening, Amamiya-san,” he said gesturing to the man, who smiled at her in an oh so familiar way. Like he was enjoying a private joke.

He was taller than she remembered, though just as thin and lean, maybe a little more. The fluffy hair was gone, instead it was in a proper slicked back business style. She might almost believe it wasn’t him.

But the eyes. She knew those eyes.

“Amamiya-san this is my wife, and head of the Okumura Foods,” Goro said introducing them.

“A pleasure, M’lady.” he replied with a small bow. “I’m rather a fan of your work, Big Bang Burgers are something of a guilty pleasure of mine.” he admitted with another familiar smile as he straightened up.

“T-Thank you,” she managed to get out, realizing her mouth was open and quickly shutting it. “I’m sorry i’m a bit flushed at the moment, if you’ll both excuse me.” she said turning and quickly walking away out onto the venue’s balcony, breathing in the cool air before looking back inside.

“My God my heart beats faster, and my mind is racing,”  She quietly drifted back to the door watching Amamiya-san walk around, the familiar smile she knew oh so well on his face. “Could it be that you’ve come back to life….”

“I know those eyes, following me,” He was looking at her, he was actively involved in a conversation with some business man and he was still watching her. “Dark and familiar and deep as the sea.”

“I know that face, strange though it seems.”  She watched as he talked to a pretty young girl and felt something rise up in her as he smiled at her the same way he used to smile at Haru, causing the young girl to swoon. “Younger, and kinder, it haunts all my dreams.”

“How can you stand there, a whisper from me, yet somehow be so far away….”  She walked around the edge of the room towards the refreshments table, planning on getting a glass of water too further cool herself. “In eyes once familiar a stranger I see, with so many words left to say…”

She jumped slightly when she turned away, finding Amamiya-san standing behind her. “Akira….er my apologies Amamiya-san, you not only startled me but you look like an old friend of mine.” she apologized with a blush.

He said nothing, stepping around her to get a glass of his own before…. “That man is dead, he is no more, he died a little each day,”  he turned back to her, his smile now seeming far crueler  and his eyes grown cold with what she could only call rage. “Like a thief, the La chambre velours has stolen him away.”

Haru felt cold, she could be cruel if she wished, and was often known for her harshness, especially when she’d taken control of the company and her life, yet looking into the man before her eyes she was certain he was capable of far more cruelty than she could ever poses. “You’re mind plays tricks, you are confused, the man you see is long gone,”

“Dead and cold, a story told by those he trusted.”  he turned and gave a meaningful look at Goro. “Those he loved.”  he looked back at her, and for a moment she was a teenager again, on a bed in a room above a cafe looking into the eyes of someone who loved and cared for her. “And those who then…. Moved on.”

He finally walked away and Haru released a breath that she realized she’d been holding, spinning on her heal to watch him down the water in a single gulp, place the cup on a servers tray and walk out into the crowded throng of people.

Placing her water down she quickly gave chase after him, quickly walking through the crowds only to realize she’d lost track of him. “I am a ghost, just a mirage,”  She turned again, catching sight of the back of his head. “There, in that voice….”

Akira watched as Haru turned at his voice, that only she could hear, the spell he’d cast only obvious to her because he let her. Had Goro continued to train his abilities like he had he might have been able to see through the illusion but he had become as much a sheep as the rest. It was easy for him to move behind Haru without her notice. “....Who chases traces of you,” he was gone before she’d even finished turning around, her eyes flicking back and forth trying to spot him.

“Dark and familiar and deep as the sea….” Haru felt her heart rate quicken again, though in a painfully familiar way that only he’d ever been able to do. She realized he was now standing at her shoulder and turned, cursing herself for her timid actions to look up at him.

“This man is Dead, he is no more…… “ They stared at each other, somehow ignored by the rest of the party guests as they shared their private moment. “And though its torturing me, can either of us really ever be free?”  her hand drifted up to her mouth, almost surprised at the words they’d both sung together, before slowly reaching out towards him, wondering if this might just be a dream and needing to know he was real.

Akira’s eyes softened slightly his hand rising to meet hers, though pausing just short of touching. “How can you stand there a whisper from me, when you are still so far away….”

And like that she touched his hand, waves of emotion washing over her, threatening to drag her under into the girl she had once been when kind words and good coffee were all that mattered. “And why does the truth seem, so hard to be true, “  he stepped forward, wrapping his arms around her in the way he used to her heart screaming from the familiarity of it.

“With so much broken,”  and suddenly he wasn’t holding her anymore and had put space between them, staring at her with an equally familiar blank expression. “And so much damage.”

She tried to reach out for him again but he raised his hand, his eyes telling her not to try it. “There are no words, left to say.”  

And then he turned and walked away, disappearing back into the crowd and out of sight.

[theaurorfileshq]

R I V K A   W A L D R O N  /  A U R O R   C O R P O R A L

AGE:  Thirty-Three

BADGE NUMBER: R38N11

BLOODSTATUS: Pureblood

GENDER/PRONOUNS: Gendervoid, She/Her

IDENTIFYING FEATURES: blackwork sigil tattoos covering back, shoulders, arms, & feet ; usually wearing black (or red, on occasion) ; hair never longer than shoulder-length, rarely brushed ; constantly has sweets in pockets ; always looks like she’s slept six hours or less

STRENGTHS/WEAKNESSES:

(+): Dueling/Combat Magic, Occlumency, Wandless Magic

(-): Protective Magic (Cannot Conjure a Patronus), Touch Aversion, Maledictus - Raven Form (Beginning to Lose Control of Shifting Episodes)

BACKGROUND:

CW: implied domestic abuse, child abuse  

Rivka grew up deep enough in the Mississippi swamps that it would be difficult to pinpoint exactly where on a map. It was a place so drenched in old magic that it was palpable in the very air and water, and seemed to make the environment around them constantly shift. She and her mother - Delvene, father - Gil, and paternal grandfather - Lochar lived in an old manor house that had previously belonged to her mother’s proud Pureblood parents… Leaving them the place in their will was just about the best thing they ever did for their daughter, a squib, who otherwise would have inherited nothing. That they died only months after a short & sweet little wedding on the front porch wouldn’t arouse suspicions for many years.

Contrary to her mother, she displayed her magical abilities early, around age four. Young Riva left a trail of mayhem in her wake whenever she went tearing off into the swamps to play. And when she came back it was with all manner of critters and trinkets she shouldn’t have been capable of collecting herself while she was so small… She had a knack for making things move without touching them, going so far as to levitate some crawdads right out of the river. At age five, a particularly bad argument between her parents in the kitchen resulted in a lot of upturned chairs and broken dishes, as well as one dark-eyed toddler up a tree in the shape of a raven. They couldn’t manage to get her down again until she fell asleep and naturally shifted back in the middle of the night. But by then the damage had already been done… she had gained her father’s attention.

Her wild ways would only continue to intensify as time went on, especially after Gil decided in a fit of devilish inspiration he was prone to that he needed to harness the raw potential of her magic as soon as possible. He set Rivka to task running errands for him, usually to harvest potion ingredients, but sometimes to sit in certain places to listen and watch, sometimes to carry little packages or scrolls back and forth… He twisted what should have been a carefree and adventurous childhood into a rigorous training regimen. And the more she tried to resist his lessons, the crueler and more insistent Gil became. He demanded absolute obedience and deference and, brilliant little thing that she was, Rivka realized quickly enough that it was better to do as he said rather than risk the consequences. But, instead of controlling her, as he anticipated, his abuses only made her find every possible route of escape and every reason to buck authority. It made her elusive and feral, incapable of letting anyone in close enough to touch.

The one exception to this rule came in the form of Fidel Romero, a local auror in Mississippi who had been tasked with monitoring large-scale truancy & neglect cases of newly school age magical children in the area. Despite the many messages sent to the manor house in the swamp, the last officially known address for Rivka, now eleven, none of her Ilvermorny letters had been opened, nor had they received any indication she would be attending. When Fidel visited, he found that only Delvene remained, among a mountain of unopened envelopes, in a crumbled shell which had formerly been a stately Pureblood house of some repute. And all he could get out of her as she sat nearly catatonic on the porch in an old grey rocking chair was that a demon had crawled out of the swamp and swallowed her whole. With no other clues to go by, he ended up encountering Riva by chance… when he caught her stealing a handful of candies from a corner store in town. Once he plied her with a sundae the size of her head, Fidel got enough out of her to determine that her father clearly had no interest in her attending Ilvermorny. And so, he didn’t hesitate. He took her into protective custody that very evening.

Riva may have put something of a target on her back when she loudly declared in the entrance hall upon first entering Ilvermorny that she was not afraid of any bullies. That she did so while single-handedly dispatching of one such bully before ever laying hands on a wand did nothing to dissuade the particularly vicious or determined among them; but all the same, she took to Thunderbird house and to her studies like a lightning bolt to the tallest tree in the forest. Contrary to what her wild demeanor and odd social habits outwardly suggested, it was an environment that she thrived in. She was even capable of being attentive and quiet during class, although her reputation of wildness suggested otherwise. All it took was a good teacher to recognize her struggles and advise her to redirect her anger and frustrations elsewhere. After Riva became captain of the dueling club, there was a decided shift around her. The bullies that once targeted her were suddenly less eager to engage when she challenged them to a formal duel, in the proper arena.

In the summers between school, she would return to Fidel’s care briefly before vanishing again into the swamps she loved so dearly. He worried over her constantly, always concerned she was with her father. He had grown to distrust and despise the man over time, after gleaning what he could from Riva about his cruelties. Every time she left, he almost expected to never see her again, but miraculously, about two weeks before the end of summer, she would reliably arrive on Fidel’s doorstep again like clockwork, as if nothing had ever happened. He learned to be content with that for a while, until she came home one year with tattoos on her hands and back. Seeing red, he tore through the swamps looking for Gil for days and found nothing but a low, faraway sound like an echoing laugh taunting him. Despite his best efforts, Fidel couldn’t keep her away from him, as no lock or barrier would keep her. She flew through his fingers time and time again like a bird slipping through the bars of a cage. But he didn’t want to cage Riva… he only ever wanted to protect her.

She managed to hide any new tattoos or bruises she came home with after that, not out of fear of her father, but to protect Fidel and his big stupid heart as best as she could. She knew he wanted to tear Gil apart, that if he could he’d spend his whole life hunting through the ever-shifting landscape of the Mighty Mississippi bogs until he brought him to justice. But as much as she wanted to, Riva found herself unable to resist each time Gil summoned her to that old house constantly moving through the swamps. Somehow he held Dominion over her thoughts and actions, so much like that name she always overheard coming in hushed whispers from the darkest corners. The summer before her final year was when everything came to a head, when one night she returned unexpectedly early, in strange clothes, scratched and bruised and bloody, hands and feet and hair all torn from her flight… She would never fully explain to Fidel what happened, but what she saw that fateful night would come out in pieces, in nightmares, in long silent stares into the darkness. There had been fire, blood, and shadow, ancient tongues, and strangers in the woods. In the end, although she managed to claw herself out of her father’s grasp, she would never feel truly free of him.

The Mississippi River had always been her deepest & truest love, and the most comfortable home she had ever known. And so it only made sense that she’d follow it to its end. Living with Fidel and getting close to his family had helped guide her there, to the NOLA auror academy. Riva knew it was an opportunity, not only to improve her skills, but to further distance herself from the life with her father she had escaped. However, this time had its own share of challenges… It was in the academy that she finally had it explained to her exactly what being a Maledictus meant. To say that the diagnosis devastated her would be an understatement. In many ways, Riva felt that her world ended right there. In others, she knew she needed to do what she could for the people she loved in the time she had left. Becoming an auror was suddenly so much more important and urgent for that reason, and because she wanted to follow in Fidel’s footsteps while still walking her own path. But as it turned out, protecting him would also eventually mean deceiving him.

In her first year as an auror, Fidel got too close to finding Gil, close enough that she took it upon herself to throw him off the trail. Riva knew the swamps better than anyone, knew how to get to her father wherever he was, like her life depended on it. And so she also knew exactly how to keep Fidel away, this man that she had somehow grown to love more than her own blood. She followed him, carefully manipulating the clues as he came upon them, throwing her voice here or there, making just the right noise at the right time to get him to turn and miss something. She always kept just out of sight or out of reach in the dark, her heart pounding in her throat whenever he grew within arm’s length. It was one of the most difficult things she ever had to do, and not just because of the emotional toll it took on her, or the hurt she knew it would cause if he ever discovered the truth; but also because Fidel was damn good at what he did. It would be a few years before she saw him set the case aside, and even then she understood that it wouldn’t be forever.

Despite her adventurous nature, Riva was content to stay in Mississippi for a long while, perhaps because she found it difficult to miss out on even one moment with the ones she loved, knowing she would eventually run out of time with them. Instead of pushing to climb the ranks as quickly as possible, she focused on making herself like water, flowing easily along her path, trying not to rush too quickly towards or away from anything. She worked this way for ten years, collecting cases under her belt but largely avoiding anything that might draw too much attention to herself. But fate, as always, demonstrated that it had other plans for her… that it was not content to see her wasting away in one place, however comfortable she was to stay there. About a year ago, fate quite literally snatched her away in the middle of a case. Her superiors knew for certain that something was wrong when they didn’t hear from her for a week. But as soon as they mobilized a force to search for her, she turned up with a fuzzy memory in northern Minnesota, prompting investigation into the incident from MACUSA (since she had been transported over state lines such a significant distance). In the days following her recovery, she fervently worked on a list of codes that would not stop running through her head, insisting to anyone who would listen that they were significant to her abduction. Finally, about five days after turning up on the other side of the country, she saw the strange messages for what they were: a set of clues she had left for herself. Once she deciphered them, she was able to lead MACUSA to the northern branch of an Animagus trafficking ring operating along the Mississippi River, where they managed to take five or six smugglers into custody. This prompted her superiors to recommend her to MACUSA, after over a decade of solid work for them. And after meditating on it for a while, and receiving some vital encouragement from a certain gruff father figure, she agreed to apply.