#and i don't think that will ever really change bc it's so ingrained in the everything about me

[suffercerebral]

me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects

[ame-to-ame]

there are things that you don't do for a year or more and pick up just right where you left off and these days i fear loving you might be one of them

[librarycards]

pls ignore this is its too weird or too much labor, but i was wondering if you maybe had any tips or resources for ppl who have creative desires like writing but brain fog and fatigue tends to get in the way?

i do! it may not work for you bc people have very random/unexpected ways of dealing with this, but it's *very* common and there is hope :) [i think a lot of this is applicable across form, but i'm using "writing" here because it's what i'm familiar with]

one way is to be strategic about timing: this includes thinking about when you're least foggy/have the most energy, and/or the most "downtime" where there isn't anything in particular you need to do. many people wake up early so that they have alone time before their responsibilities. some people stay up late to write. i tend to do my daily writing (which I elucidate on below) in the evenings, around 7-10pm. whatever works, works!

relatedly: scheduling/routine is, for me, critical. i think it is for a lot of creative ppl. I write every day, in multiple ways: i keep a journal - i've done this since i was like 12, so it's as ingrained as brushing my teeth and i don't really think about it - and also work on some aspect of my current longest project [so, for the last 4 years, it's been the aforementioned second novel; for the 4ish years before that, it was Failure to Comply. i write other stuff during the daytime, of course, because writing is also my job(s). but if you're looking to establish a consistent creative practice, you don't need to be aiming for a certain hour or word count.

Instead: Aim for consistency and progress. Not perfection, not a "muse," not magic. There is no shame in making something that doesn't seem good, or that you end up deleting. in this particular instance, "perfect is the enemy of good" is 10000% true, and i think especially applicable to people who already experience external + internalized ableist ideologies on a daily basis. your art, regardless of what it is, should be a space where you get to make mistakes, change your mind, and learn new things. it should be something you can come to when you're tired, unsure, confused, scared, etc, even if it means just keysmashing and then closing your notes app for the day.

for me, having a daily practice, regardless of anything, means embracing the days where i write only one word and then despair, as well as the days i write pages. when i feel most depressed, in a very clinicized sense, i try to move from "everything i make now is going to be shitty :(" to "everything i make now is going to be shitty :)", not because i'm happy about it, but because....that's simply part of creating. everything is a bodily function. if you're not feeling good, maybe your poop will look weird. so too with writing. but you still do it. it can be mechanical. but it'll happen, and by doing it consistently, you give yourself the *opportunity* to locate insight hitherto buried, to have an idea creep up on your tiredself.

i guess in sum I'd say that the healthiest thing i ever did for my writing is something tantamount to body neutrality, which has also been an immensely positive addition to my set of frameworks for physical embodimindment. creative neutrality, i guess. this doesn't mean i don't tie my ego and personhood to work/productivity/quality. i mean, i totally do, and it sucks, but there we are. but it also means that i place that in a corner that does not touch my desire to chip away at something big, regularly. i make time every day to summon the urgency of whatever i'm working on, not because i'm proud of it at that moment, but because i want to give it another opportunity to give me something cool.

tl:dr: give yourself the gift of consistency and time, and don't be scared of making stuff that isn't good, or gets deleted, or doesn't make sense. write from wherever you want, physically, mentally, spiritually. give it the opportunity & even the expectation to happen and then work from there.

[neyafromfrance95]

are we EVER going to talk about the ageism against women properly?

bc it has been growing rampant in gen z and the arguments against it aren't exactly addressing the issue through examining the double standards people have for women and men.

yes, ageing is a privilege but i don't think that this argument is doing anything to dismantle the patriarchal mentality that is ingrained in our culture.

in many ways, people's counterpoint to "women expire after the xyz age" is basically "well, ageing is a privilege and natural so you should be ok with being an expired undesirable grandma whose only purpose is taking care of children bc at least you're not dead". we are never going to actually dismantle the ageism against women if this is our only argument.

we have to address the fact that women aren't allowed the same standards that men are.

men are allowed to have two types of desirability - a boy and a man. we don't say that men in their 50s look good *for* their age, we say that they grew well into their age, we simply say that they are attractive 50 years olds.

but women can only be and feel beautiful and desirable if they are young. if a woman in her 50s is objectively fine, we say that she looks good *for* her age, insinuating that there is no way she could ever *just* look good at 50, no "for"s, since she isn't 19-25 anymore and that's the only age range when a woman is truly attractive and desirable.

isn't this actually abhorrent? the fact that people can live up to about 100 years but women are taught to believe that only in 6 of these years they are in their prime? that patriarchy tells women that after their early 20s they are expired and the only valid way for them to be desirable and beautiful is to try to replicate the qualities of the 20 years old version of themselves that according to the same patriarchy, older women can no longer posses?

and the argument that women should not wish to be desirable at all in the name of feminism is very faulty, imo. it often comes from young and pretty women who don't really understand what being deemed "undesirable" in society means. the assumption that women being ok with the patriarchy telling them that they should feel expired after 25, should feel like they looked better in their 20s even if they take a better care of themselves now, should just do the "grandma" stuff while their male counterparts still get to experience romance and the life to its fullest, is not going to be some kind of a feminism win.

the "ageing is a privilege" has started to feel like an argument for women to once again settle for the bare minimum (at least you aren't dead) and conform to the unfair limitations the patriarchy forces on women.

i think what needs to change is us giving these misogynistic double standards any sort of validation. they are not rooted in some kind of universal truth about the inherent difference between men and women, they are rooted in patriarchy. we need to stop acting like younger and older women are in competition and start acknowledging that both are desirable and beautiful in their own ways.

i know that this post won't get much traction, but i feel like we need to talk about this topic more bc the internalized ageism that gen z women have is going to mess them up and the counterpoints to their assumptions are sometimes weak and unhelpful.

edit: thanks for yall's input in the reblogs! i would love to hear more from people so please feel free to reblog and say all that's on your mind regarding this subject since we really need to start addressing this and keep the conversation going!

[demonsfate]

tek8 is only like 21 days away and i'm once again thinking what that will mean for this blog and my portrayal. obviously, this is quite the canon divergent blog. i obvs reject the tek6 story hard. and as of now, i say, during tek8, jin does indeed feel guilty and is trying to "redeem" himself. but not because he actually... did the war, but because he felt that devil was his responsibility, and it was his weakness that caused everything to get so bad. he also feels bad for not being able to help much during most of the war due to being Absent / recovering. jin also feels guilty because he had his chance to kill kaz earlier on, but chose not to. jin feels guilty because of the choices he made or didn't make, but he holds no actual responsibility in the war, no matter what he thinks.

the tek8 story looks like tek6 is probably gonna be heavily ingrained in it. right now, with the little we got, i can continue on with my portrayal with ease. however, i do fear that once it comes out, the story will make it harder for me to continue writing jin way the i do. i fear it might make some changes that will be difficult to say "oh, that doesn't happen in my depiction" or "it happened like that."

there's also dj. dj's been in the games since jin has. but... we haven't seen as much of dj in the main story. mostly when concerning the devil gene, we just see jin wanting to get rid of it, rather than him dealing with the devil itself. this makes it easy for me to say exactly how i envision jin and dj's dynamic, why, and how i like it to play out. i have a very specific idea of what dj precisely is, and what he is to jin. since this is dj's first major role in the story, it could be that dj's depiction could be drastically different than what i envision. of course, so far as we've seen, i've been really enjoying him. but i just have a feeling, even if he's actually BEEN separate from jin and treated mostly like a different entity in 8, i fear he will, in the end, be symbolism of "jin's sins." this feels apparent by two facts. 1) again, tek6 and jin's "redemption" from it feels like it's gonna be heavily ingrained in the game. 2) if you really look at dj's design, it definitely feels like it's heavily inspired by jin's tek6 design with the long jacket, and the floral(?) design on his vest. which, in my blog, i just say that's bc dj is obvs the one responsible for the war, and that's just his fashion tastes. but i have a feeling the game is gonna say otherwise.

finally, the potential rise in the tekrpc. ofc, i WANT the tekrpc to get bigger, and a lot of times with new game releases, its rpc becomes more active, even if just temporary for the hype. i fear with more new blogs, comes new people who may not agree with my depiction or being canon divergent. there seem to be a lot of canon blogs who love to follow what happens in the story. and if ppl are excited by the new game, they might not like that i alter the story because i personally wasn't happy with my muse's depiction in it. of course, this is nothing but my own anxiety, but i can't help but fear this may happen...

now the game isn't my story, and i'm not saying i'm gonna write about a thousand rants if it doesn't go the way i want it to. (unless it is just genuinely bad regardless of what it does). but i just feel no matter what the game does, i will always dislike tek6. tek6 will always feel like a mistake (regarding jin at least) that should've never happened. i don't think i'll ever acknowledge it in my canon, even if tek8 is the most well written beautiful "redemption" story ever. jin will never have the deaths of thousands, potentially millions on his hands. nope. it's just not gonna happen. plus, i'm pretty happy with how i have written jin and dj's dynamic. i'm happy with how i've written dj's role in tek6, that it'll just be hard for me to change it. but i do worry it'll be even harder for me to keep it this way with the new game.

hopefully! i'll love everything in the new game, and it won't make it too difficult for me to keep my depiction the way it is! :]

[milkbreadtoast]

Your ouran thoughts are so *chef's kiss* thank you for pointing out the whole haruhi gender thing bc as a trans person myself it always rubbed me the wrong way too how it got treated

🥹🥹🥹THANK U FOR READING MY OURAN THOUGHTS... this is 1 of the first animes ive ever watched so its rly formative/influential for me and ive rewatched it several times over the yrs and noticed more things and watched my opinions of the show and charas grow and change... Haruhi is 1 of my first encounters(actually i think the first) w a nonbinary chara in media and I love everything about their chara and the way they were written (and I love the whole concept of them being the protag of a shoujo harem anime despite being nonbinary and very aro/ace... a host who woos girls at that)... I especially love the way she doesnt change herself for anyone, keeps being authentically herself the entire anime in a way that touches and changes the rest of the cast too... like 1 little detail that symbolizes this well is the personal pronouns they use in jp... Altho they tried using "ore" a few times causing tamaki to freak out (HE SHOULDVE LET HER😒).. the main personal pronoun they use is "jibun"(lit: self, oneself), and it's a gender neutral pronoun... and importantly, they consistently use "jibun", whether it's before becoming a host(in middle school, when passing/being seen as a "girl"), as a host(while passing/being seen as a "boy"), and just out in daily life... Just as she doesnt change herself or act differently in all those contexts, and is just authentically herself, regardless of how people see her... and consistent with her belief that gender and outward appearance doesn't matter, it's one's personality/who they are underneath that does...

Haruhi and Tamaki form strong narrative parallels to each other because they both suddenly came into the lives of all the other host club members, were able to see them for who they really are (and not just the facade they put on for others), and just by being their genuine selves, touch and impact them deeply, even alter the course of their lives (some more than others, like tamaki for kyouya and haruhi being the first 1 to be able to differentiate the twins)..... And this is why I think it's... unfortunate that Tamaki was written the way he was, as so close-minded in his views on gender(and sexuality), bc 1 of the core traits of his character is being otherwise open minded and extremely empathetic... the dichotomy of his chara is despite being a "vain idiot" obsessed w looks and himself, he still shows this surprising depth and ability to read others... And of course I don't think it's surprising at all for him to have these transphobic and homophobic views, given he's a teen with a rich sheltered upbringing and all, so it was prob just. Sigh. ingrained in him bc thats how he was raised but.... narratively, with the way his character is otherwise so open (and bro is literally bi too😭) it really is unfortunate... Like his openmindedness is 1 of the strongpoints of his character (like how he wasn't put off at all when he saw Kyouya's "true face"...) And I think it goes against his nature, so I hope that once he gets older he starts to listen to the trans/nb/gnc ppl in his life and change his views... LIKE HARUHI... WHICH IS WHY ITS SO STRANGE. That he never once listens to them abt their gender the entire series... and he cares abt her sm YET doesnt listen and repeatedly, stubbornly tells her shes wrong and that she needs to be more feminine.... ugh. Yeah it's painful... And then with the way the manga ends with haruhi marrying tamaki and having babies and growing her hair out and becoming more feminine, as if it was all just a phase... *Agonized* ...Tbh I really do think. That this is the product of the (presumably cis) author not knowing enough abt the trans(/queer/lgbt) experience to know what to do with the amazing, nonconforming characters they created... I really do feel like if Ouran was an anime made today, and the author was more informed about LGBT issues and experiences, Tamaki could've been written differently and maybe more accepting and open toward's Haruhi's views on gender... Sigh... Anyway rip. Tfw a work so virulently transphobic and homophobic and a product of its time can also have some of the most compelling trans and gay characters and have sm poignant scenes that stand the test of time... Ouran my problematic beloved 🥲🥹

[itsclydebitches]

Ted lasso ask: Was Isaac avoiding Colin because of internalized homophobia, or bc he was upset he never told him, or was it a bit of both? Did Isaac attack the fan bc he was offended by what he said or to 'defend colin's honor'?

Ted Lasso ask woo!

Personally, I think it's an "All of the above" situation. In one of my previous posts I remember catching a tag arguing that Isaac isn't experiencing internalized homophobia, presumably because he himself is not gay and yeah, that's an understandable push-back considering that a) he's not out in the show and b) I never bothered to explain there my own thoughts on the possibility. The tl;dr of that is, "I think you can make a case for Isaac being queer based on his relationship with Colin, his intense reaction to realizing a teammate is gay, the potentially defensive nature of the anti-gay/'I'm totally straight, bro' jokes he makes - which, remember, Colin himself participated in as a kind of cover, raising the possibility that others are doing the same - and the reminder from Beard that more people in the locker room are queer than the three the audience knows about: Colin, Trent, and Will."

But to keep things simple here, let's just settle on, "Isaac has been homophobic." Whether it's internalized as he grapples with his own sexuality or not, Isaac has exhibited homophobic behavior in the past and, of course, after Colin's outing. It's not "Your conservative uncle spewing slurs and issuing death threats" homophobic, but just because there's a range in how homophobia presents doesn't mean it's not, you know, still homophobia. So that's something Isaac needed to deal with last episode. He's spent years making comments based in homophobia ("It's a little gay, isn't it?") and making assumptions about others presumed straightness (why in the world would Colin want privacy to delete those photos?), so when he's suddenly faced with the fact that someone he cares about is gay... he needs time to process that. Trent hit the nail on the head with his "give him a minute" line because not only do people need time when their worldview suddenly shifts like that, but it's a rare and joyous case where they react to that change solely with open-minded positivity. In Isaac's case, he used avoidance and anger as shields until he could come to terms with that change, significantly with Roy's help.

When Isaac says that he's upset that Colin didn't tell him I don't think he's lying... but I also don't think that's the entire truth. If this was only about Colin's trust in him then Isaac would have led with that from the get-go: seconds after he's taken Colin's phone it's, 'You're gay? Awesome! But man, why didn't you tell me? :( ' That obviously didn't happen. Trust is undoubtedly a part of Isaac's complicated feelings, but I think that only occurred to him after he'd come to terms with Colin being gay in the first place. Isaac had to accept that change in his worldview as well as this change in his perception of Colin and then, once he was in a place of, 'Yeah, yeah, Colin is my friend and teammate, of COURSE I accept him' he's able to go, ]Wait... why didn't he tell me??' and that anger becomes the next shield. By and large, people struggle to admit to their mistakes and they really struggle to admit to something as hurtful as, 'My homophobia was so deeply ingrained that unfortunately there was a moment where I wasn't sure I could get past that.' Once Isaac DOES get past it and it becomes unthinkable to him that he would have ever rejected Colin over something like who he's attracted to... it becomes that much harder to remember/acknowledge that, for an undetermined length of time, Isaac did exactly that. Don't talk to me (ignoring direct peace offerings). Don't touch me (removing his hand from under Colin's in the team pile-up). You're an easy target for my frustrations now that I know how freakish you are (screaming at Colin during the match). Isaac's homophobia was deep enough that it made him incredibly cruel for a time, so when he grows out of that of course he's going to struggle to admit precisely how cruel he was. So he doesn't. Isaac apologizes, but it's still deflected with this not-entirely-accurate justification of, 'I was mad you never told me.' Which doesn't make Isaac a bad person, it just makes him a person, period, with flaws and contradictions and the chance to improve.

All of which I think applies to the attack on the fan. Why does Isaac lash out like that?

Because he's still overcoming all the homophobia he's learned and he sees an accusation of being gay as the ultimate insult to his team

Because he may be struggling with his sexuality himself, so an accusation directed at him is even worse. It's not just that it may touch a nerve, but that anger is the only way to protect himself here: become enraged so that everyone watching - teammates, coaches, fans, the press, the world - knows that you're DEFINITELY not gay. That's unthinkable. That's impossible. That's worthy of an attack because to brush it off would be to implicitly suggest that being gay is okay and that's just one step from admitting that maybe you ARE gay. The fact that Isaac's dialogue is centered around, "What did you call me?" is one of the reasons why I personally read him as closeted/potentially not having questioned his own sexuality yet.

Because it wasn't actually a 'You're gay' accusation but a slur hurled by someone who is (presumably) not a part of the community and therefore has no right to reclaim it.

Because even while he struggles to accept Colin, Isaac still loves Colin so yes, there's that element of defending his honor.

Because his anger is reaching a tipping point and this attack - perfectly tailored to push the very buttons he's trying and failing to ignore - is what causes it to boil over.

So Isaac is complicated (because he's a well-written character!) and thus for me it's "All of the above." Personally, I LOVE that the episode's final scene didn't have Isaac suddenly being a Perfect Ally now. Not only is he asking a ton of questions that, while understandable, would make a lot of queer people uncomfortable af, especially given that they highlight Isaac's continuing biases (Colin is a very good friend for giving him the nonjudgmental space to ask all that), but he's also unable to say "I love you." What exactly does that mean? Perhaps that Isaac's residual homophobia won't let him say that to a man, especially a man he now knows is gay. Perhaps that the toxic masculinity he's grown up around - which is intimately tied to the homophobia - won't let him say it as a man, a black man, a man in a position of authority (note that Isaac is not there when the others scream Sam's, "I love you guys so very much!"). Perhaps it means that there is an element of internalized homophobia and Isaac can't say that to any man yet, let alone one he might be attracted to. Perhaps it's, again, all of the above. It's up to interpretation, but the takeaways is that of course Isaac loves Colin - he's eager to ensure Colin knows that in his own way - but the environment he's grown up in and his own personal struggles won't let him say the words yet. That's okay. Colin recognizes that it's okay, just gently pointing out that Isaac can't say it and silently encouraging him to continue working on that, regardless of what reason - or reasons - it's difficult in the first place.

[meg96]

Contouring my nose is the thing I miss the least about makeup... second to brows ugh I fucking hated doing my brows I went from having like no hair (it was so light) to having like brows I could never seemingly match to my hair and then shaping them was SO hard. And the third thing I miss the least is probably eyeliner bc I had hooded eyes and the makeup would always get caught in the folds.

Now... what I miss the MOST... umm nothing actually I'm really happy right now LOL like pls girls and women free yourself from the shackles of makeup pls do not let these ads and the movies make u think you are any less beautiful naturally.

I firmly believe whether we like it or not we do makeup for the male gaze, it's just so ingrained in us it's everywhere on TV, on your phones, wherever. Maybe you think you're doing it to look good for yourself but then why do you have to "snatch" your cheeks? Or make your nose look a different shape? Change your bone structure using bronzer and contour? Even creative makeup looks do this so it's not all about art although I agree it CAN be.

I think it's just a matter of thinking critically... I don't judge people for wearing makeup literally ever yet people get real riled up when they hear these opinions. I get the fun of popping a new colour on your lid or looking in the mirror and seeing all these dimensions you couldn't before but I just hate the commercialism that's made it the gold standard 😭 I just want girls to truly love themselves and be like hey if my dad doesn't need to beat his face or whatever why should I?

[magnuficent76]

I wanna know more about Andromeda and Salt... They're not as oft talked about. Self, for bad, and Loss for both of them!

Also for Good (for Archer) bc I'm v curious but you can do whichever ones of these yoy feel most like talking about

HAII AND I WILL ABSOLUTELY TALK ABOUT THEM !! I have GOT to stop neglecting my ocs but the Worms are In There </3

[Link to the actual list !]

Self – How is your OC's relationship with themself? Does your OC like who they are? Is there anything about themself that they would change?

■ For Salt, I like to think he's pretty much already his ideal self ! When they were small, they already figured out being a girl wasn't all that fun, so they tried a bunch of everything before figuring it all out: Oh I don't have to subscribe to this at all ! This is awesome :D My gender is [EXPLOSION GIF] [SEVERAL FLASHING LIGHTS] [EXPLOSION GIF BUT FASTER]. He's got all that self expression and presentation down pat: You are like the bullets being shot from a machine gun. Extremely deadly and so very loud, but also very cool, so nobody can tell you anything ever. This strategy has worked for as long as Salt has been alive since they've never really had that bad of a time using their body, so clearly they're doin' it right.

♠︎ For Andromeda, given they're an immortal being of chaos reborn into a mortal vessel to experience things, she hasn't exactly had time to worry about "insecurities" given all the Situations Xe Puts Zirself In. They love themselves and they love what they stand for and he has never before worried about being wrong, because error is necessary for nature to get things right !!! Who give a shit !!! Faer's already everything and anything fae wants to also because of the fact she is a VERY skilled shapeshifter. Gender fluid but to the most literal way you can possibly make it. Sometimes it gets hard having to conform to society's standards of normalcy, because he really enjoys just being weird looking and generally uncanny, but yk, fae manages ! No need to be upset if you're constantly in a loop of happiness and manageable chaos !!

For Bad – Is there anyone who had an undeniable negative impact on your OC’s life? How did your OC deal with that change? Have they been able to move on?

■ Salt has always the curse of being way too bold for his own good, so often times, he'll get tangled with the wrong person and end up a little worse off than he'd like. One of those people would be their ex friend/partner: Pepper. Pep was... well, bad for them, and they both knew it since they would constantly fight and be at each other's throats, but the thrill kept them both coming back. This adrenaline seeking behavior that often injured both parties was unhealthy to say the least, but its pretty much ingrained into Salt's brain now. Putting themselves in situations but like in a bad way. Their current girlfriend is helping them express those more aggressive thrills in healthier ways though, don't worry :]

♠︎ Andromeda has had their fair share of bad people in their life, all to fuel the passion of their unrelenting dreams of being a star, so its no surprise they also have a fair share of bad people coming in and out of it. Its a little more... personal, for her though. See, Andy is a model, and the industry is plenty exploitative as it is, but seeing as they have that craving, agents get a little... too comfortable, I suppose you could say. He's had to deal with plenty of touchy creeps and greedy agents and the like, pretty much on a weekly basis since xe gets contracts Often, but they manage. It doesn't affect xem all that negatively anymore, they're still naturally friendly !... but don't mistake that friendliness for trust, because they DO NOT trust anymore.

For Good – Is there anyone in your OC's life who had an undeniable positive impact on who they are as a person? How did knowing this person improve your OC's life?

◇ He would never admit it, even if you tried to torture it out of him, but the person that impacted Archer the most is probably Jonah. He looooooves acting like Jonah ruined his life and that he would've been better off a single child, but he loves the guy, even when they don't get along. They have been together through basically everything, being able to rely on the other in case things got rough, and it infuriates Archer how much better of a person he is because of his brother's support throughout their life together. He has this unspoken admiration for Jo that he wishes to express better, but that often turns into jealousy and bitterness simply because he feels inferior to anyone who does things better than him. He is way better because of Jonah's presence in his life, but at the same time he wishes he wasn't so reliant on his brother to keep him from being shitty, like he can't do good things on his own if someone else isn't shouting at him to do so.

Don't worry about it though. Im sure it won't culminate into anything. :]

[tomorrowillbeyou]

10 14 37 48 52 55 for math ask game

HII OMG THANK YOU FOR SENDING THIS!!!

10. do you have any least favourite theorems?

ok for some reason i can't STAND the triangle inequality. every time i see it im like NOT THIS GUY AGAIN and i literally have no reason to feel that way its so irrational but i hate her so much 💔 im sorry triangle inequality

14. do you think you're good at math? do you expect more from yourself?

hmm that's a . tricky one to answer. i think ive always been a little hard on myself because one of my best friends growing up was literally the smartest like as in international olympiad competitor style LOL so i felt inadequate in comparison but at the same time i never felt like i would never be able to do something, i feel like i know deep down very strongly that if i work hard enough i can eventually understand something i don't yet. in terms of creativity and problem solving and stuff like that i do kind of expect a lot more from myself though but like.. i think that will grow over time fingers crossed . also im mega autistic so the whole being rigorous thing is like literally what i already had to do in my regular life or i would get scared of being misunderstood haha. king of overexplaining. anyway this became too long.

37. have you ever used math in a novel and entertaining way?

ough i am a little confused what this is asking. but in many different ways yeah . at school we used to do stupid shit like calculating the number of dots on my blazer or making up ridiculous maths pick up lines or trying to come up with the weirdest proofs or create the fastest growing function stuff like that. ive also helped run kids maths challenges where you kind of have to do that kind of thing . i think i just have a very silly and nonserjous approach to the whole idea of maths like the whole point for me is to have fun with it and mess around so Yea. idk if that's what the question means though

48. has math changed you?

that's another difficult one to answer bc i feel like it's always been really ingrained in my life so it's definitely shaped me as a person for my whole life and i can't imagine the person id be without it but like .. there wasn't really a time before i liked it and then i started liking it and became a different person iykwim. i guess when i became burnt out at the beginning of this year that changed me by making me feel incredibly depressed and lose my sense of identity entirely ahamfhkjrd but were good now!!

52. do you have favourite math textbooks? if so, what are they?

I CANT LIE A TEXTBOOK IS JUST A TEXTBOOK TO ME.. if it gets the job done and isn't super obscure and confusing im chilling 👍👍👍there are probably some really good ones out there but all the ones ive encountered have just kinda been textbooks tbh

55. where is your most favourite place to do math?

welll i guess my favourite place to do most things is in my bedroom at my desk bc that's where i feel most comfortable and private anskdjdk but sometimes if i take a bus while im really struggling with something it helps me get my ideas in order i guess it's the change of scenery or something... on the other hand least favourite i could go on for hours literally anywhere where i have to be around people without headphones in ..my misophonia swag... OH ALSO i like under the stairs in one of the lecture theatres here bc nobody ever goes there and i can blast thursday through my headphones and dance while working on problems sjdksjf but i only go there if i don't have time to go home in between things

[spoonless-sunflower]

I had a work meeting the other day and so many people referred to me as "she" and idk how to politely assert my they/thems. Like I'm usually really lenient with pronouns as long as I feel seen and understood you know? But maybe I'm just having one of those gender moods where I'm feeling a bit more masc so the "she"s felt extra wrong and upsetting 😭

I feel weird abt it bc I never feel THAT masc even during a more masc period. And the way I speak is incredibly feminine esp at work bc I grew up a little people pleaser so I have this sugary sweet tone I put on in social situations with acquaintances and colleagues.

A part of me feels like if I don't ever change that tone, I'll never outgrow the "she"s. Like maybe even if others keep calling me she ill stop caring bc maybe I'll respect myself more if I speak in a way that's less "please don't hurt me I'm so nice" and more "I know who I am I know what I want I know what I'm doing."

But even just thinking that sounds kinda mean?? It's so ingrained in me 😭

[iwaasfairy]

┌─ “ ! „ LENIENT

tw. tis incest as always i am not sorry, big bro nico, dom/sub, dubcon, breeding, rough, choking, kinda size kink-y wordcount. 4k

a/n. ♡ at first i wasn't going to write this bc i'm not sure if there's much interest for this manga bUT i needed iT I JUST NEEDED IT so please give it a chance even if you don't know this show/manga because nIICHAN NICO LIVES IN MY HEAD RENT FREEEeee and it probably won't be the last gangsta fic :>>

nicolas brown x fem!reader

Most parts of your personality are solidified early into your childhood, easy to get to, easy to ruin. That’s how you get manchildren, and arrogant pieces of shit, and know-it-alls. It’s how you get ruined adults.

It doesn’t take one fuckup, but a series of fucked up events to permanently mold adults into the shitty ones they are, and if nothing else, Nicolas is pretty sure he can pinpoint most of the rules that lead him to being the way he is. Truths ingrained into him from birth.

One. His purpose is to serve and protect; die for that cause when death comes for him. Two. He is, and will always be, an addict— a non negotiable truth of his existence, and well. He’s not exactly looking to change that; at least not anymore. Three. Whoever told him otherwise was a liar, and a bad one at that. There are other lessons too, less fundamental ones he learned early on. Warrick is the older brother he chose, but you’re the only family he was given.

You two have a different sort of meaning in his life.

Your sign language is too sloppy and rounded, this too is always true. He’s tried to tell you. But they remain too soft, much like you are, and at this point he can’t hold it against you anymore. He’s done plenty of that, and it never sticks. Can’t begrudgingly brush you off for being unreadable, because he knows without doubt that there’s goodness behind your actions. Of all these things, at least knowing that ‘you’re trying’ isn’t complicated.

And with that comes your talking. It seems to him like you’re always talking. He catches parts of your monologue each time you turn over your shoulder while hanging the laundry out of the chipped windows to dry. You place both hands on your hips as you tilt your head and whirl around a little too enthusiastically to face him. Brat, is the first thing he thinks, but in a soft, appreciative sort of way. His eyebrow raises a little, glancing between the magazine he has open against his propped up knees and you, until you lean in a little further and he can feel the heat climb up his neck to his ears.

He does his best to ignore you, until you’re basically halfway taking over his page with your face pulled in a half amused, half annoyed sneer. “Sorry, I didn’t hear you,” he says, the signs long grown familiar. His mouth corners quirk up when you bristle, before smacking the back of your hand against his knee.

“Niichan~”

He can see how you drag out the word much longer than normal, how whiny you look when you tilt your head and pull up your lips into a little pout. You softly poke at his side, and it sets the hairs on his arms on end. “Slide over,” you ask. He tells you back that he doesn’t want to, and your face goes from surprised to disbelief. “You’re lying.” Then again you try, this time grabbing his sleeve as you plead. “Plea—se, Nic nii? Can I slide in?”

Really, he wants you to. You should’ve done it as soon as you came home, bless him with your closeness and your warmth before he has to head out for yet another mindless task good for nothing other than keeping the money coming in. He wants your body glued to his so he can be a big brother in peace; but any opportunity to tease you is a good one. Can’t help it— you just look so fucking cute begging him for stuff. When your thumb rubs over his wrist right under the end of his sleeve he obliges, though he makes it a bigger show than is necessary.

Maybe it’s the fact that you’re the one person who already gives him all the attention he could ever ask for that makes him so bold, or the way you look up at him with those big, innocent eyes. He always wants more. The couch springs bend as the extra weight is added. It’s not big enough for two people, but you just about fit when you drape one leg over his hips to keep balance, placing your face on his chest. “You’re really clingy,” he tells you, and you look from his face to his neck in embarrassment.

Your breathing goes from short-short to long, long, long when you nuzzle into him for a few seconds, then shift your weight even more into him. He’d be lying if he said it was the most comfortable— but not in a bad way. The thoughts just get harder to ignore when your nose is buried in his chest. His hands slide down the length of your covered back, keeping you from skittering away from him again. You could fall asleep like this, he knows that.

He will have to wake you up if you do. He knows well enough you won’t wake up; and he’ll be trapped under you. So he tries to tell you this much, signing it with his hands on your back. But you don’t move, probably aren’t looking, so he taps your shoulder instead. This does stir you, though it seems to take too much effort to lift your head so he can talk to you; until he licks his lips and breathes out an impatient “Listen to me.” His voice feels extremely sore from the lack of usage, exhausting; and he’s sure his speech is about as sloppy as your signing is.

But that’s okay. Those understanding, soft eyes flick up to his, and cold crawls down his spine.

Your body wash or shampoo smells really good right about now, your hands playing gently up his sides. It’s cute and awfully distracting, you’re cute staring at him with the kind of patience he’s not really used to from you. It’s where you two differ. Nico could pretend that’s part of him, where he did a great job instilling morals and respect. But the truth is, you weren’t old enough to remember what it was like before, so you have no reason to have the same painfully trained patience he does.

And really, he’s happy about that miniscule change for the better. You’re a rambunctious brat, and you know how to play him and Warrick both. It’s how you’ve always been, and maybe it’s how you’ll always be. Best at looking a lot sweeter than your dirty mouth and brash personality. He’s the good listener, you’re the better talker— when you both want to be. Though your blond roommate would have you two both beat, he supposes.

Now he has your attention, he’s quick to explain before you get sleepier. “Warrick will be back before tonight, so you should eat with him.”

“But I wanna eat with you,” you yawn into the sentence, supplying the missing words with your soft, rounded signs for him to follow. You want to eat with him. Your chin rests back onto his chest, digging into the skin a little. He doesn’t reply back, just breathes in and out into the ever-present silence; and thinks. You want to eat with him, you want to lay with him, you want to sleep with him and help him out and cling to his side whenever you can— it’s true. Like a little puppy dog without an owner, you’re prone to just following him about because you can. It’s not really out of concern, or at least he doesn’t think it is. He takes care of himself nowadays.

But you two never grew out of the codependence you started with, clinging to his hand with those chubby, tiny fingers. You, placed on his one hip, a heavy duty weapon on the other. You always slept in the same bed out of necessity, so now that it no longer is one; you don’t have a good reason to stop. “Eat with Warrick,” he replies after a bit, “I’ll be out late.”

It’s not what you want to hear. Your eyes glide away from his to the dogtags resting between his pecs; between you and him too. And your mouth corners pull down, making you look so — fucking sad for a second, before it fades. You push yourself off of him, taking your warmth with you as you go.

He fights the very real urge to drag you back down with him for a little longer. Most of anything else, Nicolas can’t give you. Shouldn’t allow himself to long for where you’re concerned, but closeness… is the one thing he’s unable to fuck up with just actions. Your hand slips out of his when you get up from the couch, and the noiret doesn’t cling onto it enough. Regrets it, hates it. He hates the void a lot when you’re not there. But your mouth is moving again, and his eyes snap onto it like a lifeline. “Fine, I’ll make dinner. Yours will be in the fridge. ‘M gonna go take a shower.”

You run a hand along your hair to pull out your tie, before your pretty eyes flick back to meet his. “Don’t come.” It’s a warning if he’s ever seen one. But the draw is too much, and he sits up to put the magazine away. If he’s going to be leaving for the night, it won’t be like this. Not even to speak of the flares of jealousy that cross his mind at you being in Warrick’s presence, alone, at night. The guy still calls you ‘kid’, sure, but all three of you have seen that you’re no longer one.

A mean thought crosses his mind, one more selfish than concerned. He’d rather make you upset at his presence than lose you to another guy. Simple as that. And yet shame floods him from his toes to the top of his head as he watches you kick off your socks and toss your sweater aside. The line of your neck exposed to him, shorts slipping down your thighs. He sees the way you purse your lips and bite them, how one of your straps slips down your shoulder, deathly quiet in the doorway.

You’ve noticed him though, because you stop halfway to turn, arms wrapped around your chest and heat marking your neck and cheeks. You’re so fucking cute like this, he can’t help but think, filled with a messy mix of inappropriate emotions. He should get the Doc to check him out. Or Warrick, or fucking— someone. He knows full well the way he feels about you isn’t normal. “Go away, niichan,” you ask, sucking your lip between your teeth to bite at it. “You know you’re not supposed to be in here.”

However irrational it is, this ticks him off a little, brows furrowing. He steps closer, and you hide away more. “This is my bathroom.”

“Doesn’t matter, Rick nii says you’re not supposed to.” Warrick is right, a voice of reason in this dim, dark life; but the guy doesn’t understand you like he does. There’s things only you know— a one person encyclopedia about his every twitch, his every thought. So it doesn’t surprise him that you let him walk up to you anyway, not bothering to close the door as he takes your wrists and undoes them from around your body. It’s an egregious display of selfishness on his part, as your eyes flutter and your chest rises a little faster. “Nicolas… I- we’re…” You get so flustered that you start fidgeting with the tags dangling around his neck. “We can’t.”

Last time you got caught. Last time you were caught taking half of his cock down your throat when Warrick walked in, his hands in your hair and the drool and tears and the stuttered explanation wasn’t anywhere near enough to justify anything. There was a lecture that night, of sorts, about what was and wasn’t right— what wasn’t allowed to happen between a big brother and his little sister. No sucking your big brother’s dick into that gummy, little mouth. No kissing privates. Maybe you’d never been taught, maybe this was an overdue lesson you two had missed out on. It wouldn’t be the first. But even as he said it all, the blond didn’t seem to quite believe it. Not when it came to Nicolas and you.

And if even that guy could sense the difference in your relationship… we can’t isn’t the answer he can abide by. “We were meant to be with each other,” he tells you, and your eyes become glossy right away. Somehow, he always manages to get you to the point of tears. It’s not intentional. “We don’t have to do anything,” he says it more to himself than to you, convincing exactly no one, “just let me be close to you.” But you sniffle, and you give in, dropping your hands by your side as he noses at your temple and slips his thumbs under the edge of your panties to drop them down too.

Your nipples are peaked in the cold air, grabbing at his belt for some much needed support, or maybe to pull him closer. And he can’t help but smirk. “See? Little sister’s way~ clingy.” It’s effective immediately, having you glaring up at him and stepping out of reach to instead get into the shower. I was just joking, brat, he thinks, but it’s no use. You’ve already turned away. It doesn’t take too long to pull his shirt over his head and strip down naked like the day he was born to join you, trying to ignore his cock chubbing up.

The guise of innocence is stripped away with it as he slips into the stall after you, crowding close for warmth. You can’t ignore the press of his body against yours, shivering before him. So he hooks his chin over your shoulder to lean over you to talk. “You’re mine. Even if you don’t believe it. I’m yours and you are mine.” Water runs down his head, dripping from his lashes and chin, and along every curve. Hot, cold, everything in between travels his body as he presses a little closer into the embrace. “Have I been a bad brother to you?”

“No,” you instantly shake your head, eyebrows slanted in worry as you look back at him. “You’re mine too, niichan. And I… love you. But-” The shower drums on his skull with a rhythmic pattern that only makes him more anxious. For all you’ve been for him, all he’s done for you— it’s a very real possibility that he has been bad to you too often for you to forgive.

He’s been more than just selfish. He’s killed people who got too close to you, left them bleeding out in the street. Has sat you down and told you lies and half-truths, even when you found out, even after you stared up at him with tears in your eyes. Nicolas is nothing if not thorough, and he’s been with you for as long as you’ve lived.

He has also laid with you, too many times to count. Sometimes softly, letting you wrap your arms around his head to quiet the painful stabs of guilt. Kissing you under the covers, letting his hands roam over every dip, every hidden spot. Every curve. He still remembers the shivers, and the way you had looked at him so confused as he told you it would all be okay. Very far and few in between, you’d have fights under those same covers, push him away from you to cry your eyes out if he went and did something stupid again. Overdosed. Almost died.

You’ve been patient with him, and understanding. You’ve loved him down to the bone. “Warrick’s just…” you mumble, placing your hands on his neck, “Warrick says we shouldn't. It’s wrong to k-kiss and—”

“He says what he thinks he’s supposed to say,” Nic clenches his jaw, leaning in until you’re basically nose to nose. “You don’t actually believe that.” At least, he hopes you don’t. Your back arches when he leans in more, pressing your tits and cool skin against his much warmer body, letting him press a kiss on your lips. You swallow into it, let him grab your head and push you up against the wall so he can slip his tongue into your mouth. It’s not elegant, but you’re clinging harder, licking back into his mouth he greedily claims for himself. ‘It’s not wrong’ chants through his head, because if he thinks it hard enough, maybe one day he won’t feel so guilty and disgusting.

He taps your hips to let you hop up, catching you easily before going back to kissing. Your fingers thread through his wet hair, pulling hard enough to drive him crazy. Little minx. His hard cock bops between his thighs, rubbing pre cum all over your ass and cunny. An insidious curse he still can’t quite explain. He shouldn’t want you like this. Or bent over his lap, or on his tongue— he shouldn’t want you at all. “Tell me you want it, tell me how good I make you feel,” he asks you, and you throw your head back.

“Please, oniichan. My big brother’s cock feels the best. Want you to put it in and make it hurt, wan’it so bad.” Your hands are shaky behind his head as he lowers you enough for his flushed tip to kiss your sloppy, little entrance. You don’t believe it either. He smiles when you pull back for another kiss, letting you take what you need from his mouth. He lines you up, slowly lowers you onto his hard, heavy cock with a groan that escapes his throat— stretching a hole really not fit for him yet. Your tight-lipped expression, like you can’t really handle it, is too fucking cute.

He slides you down, warm, wet pocket clinging so tight to his cock where it twitches to get deeper into you, take more of that little cunny. He shivers as you mumble something against his temple, and though he can’t tell what— it’s safe to assume it’s an encouragement as he starts moving you up and down his cock in a slow, deep pace that has your thighs shaking around him. The curve of his cock hits that soft spot in your walls and has slick seeping out of you with each pump. A nipple is sucked into his mouth as he works your thighs open more, filling you up and up and up.

As your nails scratch down his back and you hold him like you’ll collapse without his help, he looks up to you again. And you smile, teary eyes and clumped lashes so pretty. “Wanna have Nic nii inside me forever. Have you fuck me full of your babies.” Fuck. You almost make him cum right there and then, his entire body clenching with the idea. As horrible as the thought is, it doesn’t leave him as soon as it comes to him. He should fuck you full of his babies, make you his permanently. You kiss him a few times as he holds you in place on his cock to rub your clit and flick your nipples.

“My baby sister’s cunt’s so tight and hot. Want to keep fucking.”

You moan, “no, s’too much,” before he can keep going, ignoring the way his eyebrows narrow.

“You can take too much.” Your little fingers are back to pulling at the shorter hair at the base of your skull as the loud paps of skin meeting skin must fill the bathroom, fill the house. And you whine and cry, as you always do— but you let your big brother take what he needs. Always. “Like niichan’s cock in you?”

“I love it- n-niisan! I love it! Don’t stop, please. Pl-please don’t stop.”

He loves you. And if it wasn’t for you, he might not ever have— you whine something into the kiss you lay on him, he can feel the vibrations of your throat through your tongue where you tangle it with his, your lips so sweet. His cock drives home each time he fills you up to the brim, balls hitting your ass and your thighs meeting his with hard pumps. The feeling is getting too much, the heavy, swirling feeling in his chest and stomach that has him feeling a bit woozy. Butterflies.

You give him fucking butterflies. What a sick joke the universe pulled on you two. He jerks back from your face to watch you pout and clack open your mouth, whining his name. One hand comes to hold your throat, and your pussy clenches hard around him. It almost keeps him there, basking in the heat of his little sister’s magical grasp, fucking open the walls of your needy cunt even harder. You’re bounced on him that way until you jut out your tongue to lick your lips and your thighs clamp around his hips tightly, hair a mess, lips glossy.

But it’s not enough. It’ll never be when you’re in his arms, an insatiable feeling at the pit of his stomach turning and twisting. He groans again, bites his cheek as he taps your cheek with a little tap to have your teary eyes focus back on him. “Tell me you love me.” You’re too slow, the red-hot sensation of his thick cock sliding into your little cunt getting way too much in the hot steam of the shower, the thoughts in his head. You’re about to cum, he can tell when you can’t even give a single smart remark back. Rendered mute for a few seconds.

His other hand leaves your ass to let you clamp around him and keep yourself up against the wall, cock forced deeper into the good spot at the far end of your cunny. One hand on your throat, the other meanly pinching your nose closed as your eyes widen a little. “Tell me you love me,” he voices it out, letting the words taste sour and foreign on his tongue. Come on, his mind rings, just a little more. Just a little more for your big brother. He wishes you knew just how much you mean. How much he gains when you’re around. But you’ll never hear it from him.

“I lo- love~ you, niichan!” you mewl through the lack of air, looking so cute and dizzy and halfway to an orgasm of your own. He’ll let you get there, promise. “I love my niichan more than anyone.” The glow spreads through his body, everything tight.

Ready to fill you up with hot ropes of cum. He lets you down to turn you around instead, your knees wobbling as you find your balance. Then he slides back inside that hot clutch as his balls pull with a long grunt, entire body tight. His hand pushes between your legs, slippery because of the water, and rubs your clit hard and fast as you hang on. Mouth dropping open and eyes rolling back as the ruthless pace of his fingers is matched with his cock and he bumps against your cervix, pressing kisses along your neck.

It’s sensory overload, his head buzzing with static as he pulls you tight and fucks into you until his hips start stuttering. You dig your nails into the skin of his thigh as you cum too, matching him as he fills you up with hot, white and pulls your body so close you two could melt into each other. Shivering and shaking as the water doesn’t feel so hot anymore. Warrick will worry about the water bill. Nicolas cannot. Not when you’re panting and leaning back into him all spent, needing him to hold you up. He’s still hard even though the cum runs down your legs when he allows you to turn, before slipping right back into your overstimulated, little body.

“Ow, ow,” you whine, but lay a few kisses onto where his heart sits anyway. “Love you.” And look up at him with big, admiring eyes. He wonders what you see. If you see a monster too.

He should clean up this mess before the blond gets home, and get going. He should do many things, and none of them sound any more appealing than the last.

Your hands are colder than him when you reach up to his neck to undo the dog tag necklace, leaning into him even further when your wobbly legs are ready to give up on you. But you still make an effort to smile as you put the thing around your own neck, wrapping your arms around his body. You fit so well. And your eyes shine with genuine love when you nudge his chin with your nose, pressing a peck to his jaw. “Don’t run away from me anymore. Monster or no monster, Nic nii. I want to hear you say you love me too.”

[cinnamonest]

Im just thinking of how sometimes to save face parents would adopt their teenager’s children and lie to everyone that they’re their kid instead of admitting their teenaged daughter got knocked up and that for like, Childe and Xingqiu. Their older sisters are actually their moms and no one said shit bc family reputation (and childe’s grandma was young when she started having kids too so no one really questioned the large age gap between SisterMom and Childe cause it was hidden by Grand!Mom’s pregnancies with the other kids).

And for XQ its all about the family honor and thats why Sister isn’t allowed to go outside the estate anymore without many retainers ensuring she keeps the family dignity (funny if the father is actually also her older brother who happily abuses the fact his sister is now homebound to fuck her like crazy).

So when Childe/XQ decides to sisterwife their “parents” are like 😬😬😬😬😬😬 “pick someone else”

AHHH yes I've heard of people doing that before... I love the notion that even when they don't know it the sheer power of momcon brain these boys have is enough to dictate their choices lmao

Especially for Xingqiu I feel like he takes pity on his poor "sister"... he doesn't understand why she has no privacy, is always locked up at home all the time, after all his "mother" doesn't have quite that much guarding... do they really think she would run out and smear the family name by sleeping around? Surely she wouldn't...

Also due to that ingrained mentality, he's also stunned and devastated to find out because what does that mean for him? Not only does he not know his actual father, but he's the product of some kind of family disgrace... however, that's not the thing he laments the most. At first, even the "parents" think the reason he's so distraught is because his "sister" is his mother and now he's disgusted by the thought of marrying her.

What? No, why would that change anything? Of course he's still gonna marry her! He's just devastated that his sweet sismomwife isn't pure and he can't be the only one to have ever fucked her :( That's the real tragedy here, he thinks.

[cosmic-waves7]

hello! idk if this is the correct way of requesting (and if it is not PLZ DELETE bcs i'm embarrassed) but if it is then can i request isogai from assclass with a rlly rich s/o? and they always buy him food/clothes and stuff THX

Note: nope, you requested the right way you're just fine, here you go bub (~￣³￣)~

Omg, spoil this baby so much pls. (｡・//ε//・｡)

He deserves the world.

I will fight anyone who thinks otherwise.

ᕦ(ಠ_ಠ)ᕤ

Yuuma isn't very well off (not saying that if you're rich you don't work hard) so he works extra hard and does his best whenever he can.

This means he tires out a lot and refuses to ask for help.

ಥ‿ಥ

He has a good trait of independency as well as politeness and kindness though that attribute lands him in a lot of sticky situations where he refuses any aid.

But you balance him out pretty well and make sure he doesn't exhaust himself to oblivion. (・∀・)

Having you spoil him really gets him blushing quick.

To be honest he gets a embarrassed and a bit ashamed at the start of the relationship because he may feel a little out of your league.

In his head you're too good for him and he can't believe he landed someone like you.

He is a hopeless simp, this boy is whipped. 🤠✋

Once he has his own person to cherish he makes sure he is everything they want.

Doesn't change who he is of course, always stays true to himself and his values but he tends to lean in to what you say, you're very precious to him.

(｡・//ε//・｡)

Lucky you.

He's always been taught to care for others, especially his partner.

Of course money shouldn't and couldn't ever amount to your love but he wants to be able to securely provide for you now and later in the future.

If you know what I mean by future.

(◠‿・)—☆

Wants you to see him as someone capable really.

He never feels envious of your wealth and would never make you feel bad about who you are or your status in his life, he only feels as if he should better himself.

In his eyes you could do no wrong, he just has to work even harder.

Precious overworked bb.

This may lead to some light arguing between you both about how much he exerts himself in school and the café (that only you knew about up until the rest of the class visited it.)

Just reassure him that you always feel safe with him no matter who he is or how much money he has to his name and pull him out of work.

I'm sure his manager will let him off the hook, after all he's never said no to a task and has always stayed in everyone's good graces.

Spoil him all you like, make him feel special and wanted as well if course but you can see he deserves a break from it all.

Love him with all of your heart, your hidden in the deepest parts of his.

( ꈍᴗꈍ)

It'll take time but eventually he'll let go of the deep ingrained self-sacrificing instinct he has and will find an equilibrium of understanding that he doesn't have to tear himself apart to be who you need.

He'll slowly let you spoil him more, not in an over the top way.

He never properly gets used to your spending.

To him, it's a little obscene.

You love flustering him by paying off any dinners you two share or always surprising him with gifts that turn out to be things he'd briefly flicked his eyes towards with want.

That video game he spotted with you in the mall.

A cool watch he saw.

A series he would've liked to complete.

Those things may pop up at his door or you straight up giving those things to him.

Any desire he might attain, you never fail to fulfill.

You'll spoil him rotten if he doesn't stop you.

As you should (⌐■-■)

It never fails to flush him bright crimson and he always shows gratitude for everything you give.

There will be times where he'll try to refuse the gift with politeness, seeing it as you're giving him too much so you'll have to force him to accept a gift occasionally.

Once you briefly joked that he's your sugar baby, you've never seen him stutter and go so red. ⟵(๑¯◡¯๑)

Petition to endlessly spoil yuuma isogai and have him as a sugar baby pls.

He still prefers to pay you back indirectly his own way to show his appreciation for you.

Might be a drink or treat on the house that you never asked for at the café.

Might be an outing to quiet nooks of the city where it's just the two of you.

It'll always involve little acts of service or more physical touch to convey the way he feels, he'll always make it meaningful for the both of you.

(◍•ᴗ•◍)❤

Isogai simply adores you, wealthy or not.

He never fails to make your heart flutter and you never fail to spend a little extra love on him.

It's an adorable match that the girls of the class swoon and the boys tease Yumma about.

[compassionatereminders]

I have borderline personality disorder & cptsd from prolonged abuse and I wish people would realise that those abusive patterns are so ingrained in my system bc it's all I know. Im not violently angry and emotional for laughs, i don't do it to be manipulative. Being told Im acting like my abusers doesn't help like they think it does. Most of the time I don't even realise bc my brain is just stuck in survival mode. I wish people would be a little more patient with me bc im really trying.

Recovering from years of abuse and properly letting go of abusive survival strategies which you were forced to adopt while enduring years of abuse is really fucking hard - and I really don’t mean to invalidate that fact. I also don’t mean to imply that you’re ever hurting anyone on purpose, that you’re not trying or that you’re a bad person. 

That being said, completely regardless of your circumstances, being violently angry and repeating abusive patterns is something you need to actively work on changing - and in the meantime, you can’t really blame people for keeping their distance if you cannot prevent yourself from lashing out on them.

I know you’re only acting this way because that’s how you were raised to act, and I know it takes a lot of time and effort to let go of unhealthy coping mechanisms - but that does not mean that other people should be expected to have endless patience if you keep lashing out on them.

It’s not you who chose to be this way and it’s not your fault - and nobody should imply that it’s your fault or that you’re just like your abusers - but however unfair this may be, it’s now your job to fix it and work hard to let go of the bad habits your abusers installed in you. But all that being said, I completely agree that no one should treat you like you’re intentionally being an asshole for no good reason!

[jaysastrology]

is it weird to not identify with your IC, like, not really see those qualities in yourself, mine is leo and I don't really feel it, do you think it could have something to do with having sun in the 12th house?

Nahhhh, that’s not weird at all. Remember that aspects can change everything about a placement. My friend has an Aries rising that conjuncts his Aries Mars, however in his chart his Mars lies in the 12th and he has Saturn occupying his first house. The characteristically aggressive and assertive rising has undergone an incredible change. He is very quiet and never really expresses/asserts himself in public. He comes off as very apathetic, detached, and quiet, he almost never initiates anything. Keep in mind though that his Mars still conjuncts his rising, so he has tendency to get quite aggressive when riled up and sometimes he gets very impassioned and will say pretty harsh things. Since it is in the 12th, he is very unaware of how harsh and aggressive he can be, and it really isn’t his intention at all so I never stay mad at him. He just can’t help it, though his Mars squares my Cap Mars so I get frustrated with how informal and fiery he gets bc I have a much colder and more detached anger.

Now if you ever feel like you don’t completely relate to a placement, make sure you check all those aspects and any planets that lie within that house. It was hella smart and intuitive of you to check your lord. Anything that lies in the 12th becomes hidden from us bc it’s so completely ingrained in our psyche. If anything do some meditating and reflection and see what you come up with. While the IC represents your home life, keep in mind that it also represents the traits and values you were raised with. I hoped this helped you ☺