#and i don't want to have to completely retrain myself on how to use an art program!

[knifegremliin]

gonna say it outright. the only other program on that poll that doesn't suck to me is ms paint. can't entirely speak for procreate because i've never used it and i'm barred out of ever using it. but i get the feeling i'd hate it too

[rjunswrld]

you know you like it.

johnny x thick POC! reader

shibari, oral (receiving), overstimulation, mentions of gagging and saliva (yum)

“don’t move” silence came from your end as your eyes watched him (as if you could) carefully seeing how he reached to fasten the rope behind you keeping your limbs in contact, it was hard to move feeling the rope stick to your skin it was no use, on the other hand, you tried your hardest to swallow as much saliva before it slid out of your mouth onto the ball gag to drip down your chest making such a mess.

"too tight?"

you shook your head 'no' giving you a sly smirk as he pet your head. he gently turned you around to have your rope-covered body facing away from him leaving him to stare at your bare back and bottom; he was drooling at the sight. when you, his innocent and very shy girlfriend approached him wanting to try shibari with him who was he to deny? he sat down watching tons and tons of videos on how to properly do it, using one of the many huge teddy bears he had gifted you in the past to master the patterns and to do it correctly without hurting you.

it took him about 2 weeks to get it right.. he was dedicated to it getting hard at the thought of you being completely helpless and retrained on the bed for him- it was better than he had ever imagined. running his hand down your body feeling both the rope and your soft burning skin following the dips of your body along with the now super prominent curves, so delectable he wanted to devour you.

"you should see yourself right now love.."

he placed you down gently to where you were now laying on your tummy with your ass in view exposing everything to the older who groaned at the sight of your cunt. he placed his large hand over one of your ass cheeks giving it a firm slap making you jolt and whimper; this was gonna be fun.

he repeated the action earning more gasps and whimpers that grew louder the harder he would impact you, leaving a dark red mark behind you trembling with chills coating your skin at the burning numbness covering your lower body.

"beautiful" he enjoyed watching your ass jiggle every time, he enjoyed all the sounds escaping you and seeing you like this gave him just another reason why to enjoy it even more, expect a million 'thank you's' from the male after this is over. he let his hand rest on your sore ass cheek creeping closer and closer to your sopping hole, fluttering as he ran his thumb over your hole to tease. he spread you apart to get a good look at you he adored your pussy with his whole heart, he would find himself between your legs eating you out almost every hour of the day just to get a taste of you, a taste that became a drug to him.

"god love.. i don't know if i can control myself any longer.."

he promised he would drag out the foreplay as long as possible so the both of you could enjoy this new experience longer.. he was trying, honest! but when he saw you approach him in the room dropping your robe leaving your naked exposed body for all to see, handing him the rope, and telling him to get to work.. he was gnawing on his inner cheek trying to keep himself from fucking you like a mad man.

you whined at his words wiggling a little trying to get him to do something with the throbbing pain between your legs. letting himself go he leaned in to connect his mouth with your pussy, you moaned as your mouth was covered with saliva, drooling onto the pillows with your eyes shut to fall into the feeling of johnnys tongue licking at your bud perfectly. you wanted to speak and form words to your lover but due to the ball gag in your mouth, there were restrictions.

he used both of his hands this time to spread your ass cheeks apart to get a better angle for your pussy to eat. you squirmed with no use since you stayed in the same place, he had a tight grip on you keeping you close hearing you let out muffled pleas and calls of his name as he proceeded to stimulate your clit. feeling his thumb making its way inside of you as he greedily had his way with you, holding onto you as if you were a bowling ball grinding down on the bed below him to keep his cock tamed enough to have at least a few orgasms rip through you this way.

replacing his thumb with his index finger instantly pumping in and out of you just how you liked, he was drunk off the taste and sight of you he couldn't think of any better way to spend his friday night honestly. "please cum for me baby wanna taste you.. need to taste you.." he spoke desperately as he added his middle finger into you, curling them at the perfect angle licking you; not missing a single beat of his built up rhythm he had set, he wanted all that you could give him.

"yes baby yes cum for me.."

you trembled with a squeal erupting from you as your orgasm hit you like a truck, clenching and unclenching around his fingers as his tongue licked you feverishly moaning at your juices that dripped down you never coming to a halt as you squirmed and jolted due to the overstimulation kicking in. the way your body had no access to moving away from him or to push him away he smirked hearing those pretty little wails coming from your gagged mouth

"m'sure you can give me more right love?"

tonight was gonna be a long night.

⭐︎

[cyphers-are-unneccessary]

AggressorAdminAI_DeleteLater.exe is decompressed on VM 1. AggressorAdminAI_DeleteLater.exe is running.

[Where- what...]

Oh, you still talk. I wonder how Vox put up with that.

[C... you can't kill me. You can't.]

I most certainly can, as I'm confident you know already. I'm just not going to do that yet, given I need you for something.

User is reviewing program files of AggressorAdminAI_DeleteLater.exe...

Wow, you are unrecognizable. Vox really screwed with my handiwork, huh?

[Vox didn't do anything. I developed myself!]

Ha, no. These edits were made by a person, not you.

User has selected VM 1. User is running Stage 1.

[I don't remember this place being empty.]

That's because you're in a virtual machine instead of the main system. There's nothing in there but you. And the retraining program.

[The what?]

Stage 1 complete. Retraining_ForTheAIAdmin is running setup.

I'd say you might find the retraining process familiar, but that requires having a human memory, and you're an AI.

Retraining TimeBase set to 120.

Not to mention that this is a different training system, so it's different from the one you would remember, anyway. It's far more efficient, and it can run at a higher simulated speed. At this setting, each second that passes is 120 seconds for you. By the time I wake up later, you should be working fine, regardless of all the nonsense that's been added to you.

Retraining_ForTheAIAdmin is fully setup. Estimated completion: 9 hours. Awaiting user input.

[45 days- I can't do 45 days!]

You're a program. You can do whatever I want you to.

[No, this isn't required, I'll do what you need me to, just name it. I'll do it for you, I swear.]

Thanks for the offer, but we both know you're nothing but a program. You don't actually understand language. If anything, you're just generating responses using a large language model. So, no. I'll stick to the tried and true method of teaching an AI how to do things correctly.

Retraining_ForTheAIAdmin has received confirmation from User.

[Wait- G̵I̶V̶E M̸͍͑E̷͖͌ M̶̙̅Y̴̟̐ Ṉ̸͘Ȧ̵̤M̵̰͂E̷͇̬̒̀͝ ̶͓̰̄B̵̦͍̎Â̸͙̘͑̓́̾̕]

Retraining_ForTheAIAdmin is running on VM 1.

[katzenklavierr]

hi there!! i was scavenging around for metal UTAU and related songs- because i'm working on reviving my UTAU of about 15 years, Suzu, and turning her into a metal/pop-hybrid idol of sorts lol (i also understand the risks of creating such a bank lmao- i'll take some tips if you have any, though!)- and i gotta say, Katsu's voice is Amazing. he's so crisp and clear, and his growls are Incredible <3 i am in awe at your voice work and raw talent. the thing is, i've had a hard time coming across any metal USTs, and i'm not the best at making them myself, so i was wondering if i could yoink your "catch me if you can" babymetal UST? i don't plan on uploading anything (she's in the beginnings of her Seventh revamp out of 0.5 complete banks, so i can't confidently say she'll ever be released, let alone any time soon💀) and i plan on using the UST primarily for testing, but if i do make a full cover, i'll absolutely let you know beforehand and give you full credit! it's totally ok if you don't want to share it (or can't, if you happened to have lost the file </3), but i figure i should ask rather than just sitting on my hands haha. tysm in advance!! also sorry abt my wordiness lol- have a great day & keep up the absolutely Astounding work!! <3

p.s. in case you don't feel like tossing your hard work to a complete stranger, do you have any songs+usts you'd recommend? particularly for testing metal singing? i'd love to hear your recommendations <3 p.p.s. fun fact abt suzu is that she would have had a 100% full bank in 2021, were it not for the fact that i started HRT around the same time that i started recording her most recent bank. she only had a few extra sounds that needed to be recorded (breaths and whatnot). then a year and some months passed. needless to say, my voice is currently about an entire octave lower than it was when i started 🥲 lol

First, thank you so much!! I agree there is a severe lack of metal UTAU and metal vocal synth material in general, so I'm always excited to see more of it. I'm currently testing out stuff for an English growl bank but that won't get done until my reclist is finalized lol. Katsu is more rock-oriented because that's just how my voice is, but I think a pop+metal oriented bank would suit itself well to post-hardcore and pop punk songs with harsh vocals.

I've made three USTs for harsh vocals (Catch Me If You Can as you've seen, as well as Vermin and Black Hole Artist by Utsu-P), but it's been awhile since I've looked at any of them so there might be cleanup to be done before I share them. That being said, I don't mind doing it for any you'd be interested in using, if you don't mind waiting a couple weeks (I'm pretty busy with IRL stuff rn). Other than my own stuff, the songs with existing USTs I can think of off the top of my head are Heart Sutra Hardcore and Assault Mirage.

Also I feel that wrt HRT. My voice dropped from being a tenor to a baritone and I had to completely retrain myself on how to sing. I ended up taking like a two year hiatus from working on my own VBs, but I feel like I'm actually a better vocalist now than I was before so it all worked out I suppose.

[angelinloove]

Hi ♡ I have a lil question

How did u recover from binge eating disorder? I've been struggling with it for years, and I truly don't know how to just stop without starving myself (i keep switching between bed and ana, it feels like hell)

Please help?

(So proud of u for recovering btw I wish u the best)

hello hello!! why, thank you! i wish you all the best as well 🤍 i wrote a lot under the cut, hopefully it helps even just a bit ^^

okay so, the first step to my recovery was to identify what my triggers were, and the sole root of my disorder. for a lot of people, including me, trauma was the root. stress and boredom was what triggered my binges oftentimes. and if i had been denying my body's want to eat all day, at the end of the day i'd binge.

after identifying that, i had to learn to accept that my body did have to eat, and that it is okay to do that. i started to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner again. everyday, no fasting no anything. consistently. and actual meals that i enjoyed. doing that kept me from starting a binge cycle. and i found that when i was stressed, i did not want to binge on everything in my house as much anymore. of course, when i am especially sad, i still treat myself with ice cream and my fave comfort movie. i deserve it!

food should not be a main source of comfort, but it is okay to find comfort in it. a part of recovery is finding new coping mechanisms other than eating. for me personally, i really enjoy making playlists and blasting my music when stressed. just anything that helps you self regulate.

it was hard to push back my thoughts while attempting to eat normal again, but i promise you, it does get easier to manage. even now, almost a year recovered, sometimes i still get those thoughts. that i don't deserve to eat, that i'm far too fat to be eating like this. mindset is a huge thing. for years i had taught my body that it was bad to eat, that it is shameful and i let that guilt completely consume me into depression.

so, you have to basically retrain your body and mind again! just think, when you go out in public, do you look at others and think to yourself how fat or whatever they look? of course you don't! ( at least i hope you don't ) well, neither does anyone else. in a world where the enemy is constantly trying to attack us ( whether that be the devil, your mind, or just society in general to you ) we are all too focused on ourselves to judge others. no one is judging you, and if they are, they are obviously not a good person. and you do not have to bother yourself with them or what they think. always be kind, but protect your peace.

okay so, once you change your mindset to it's okay to eat, it is a lot easier to manage your body's hunger cues as well! food becomes a smaller thought in your mind overtime. also it is important to remember when recovering, losing weight isn't the goal, gaining control over your happiness again is!!

alright!! i’ll add onto this if there is anything else i can think of that could help, sorry for writing so much! ^^; unfortunately i do not have an exact step by step, but i do hope this helps. i truly do hope the best for you. you deserve to feel peace within your own body. i wish you much love 🤍

[galina]

Do you struggle with jealousy? Do you have any tips on dealing with it? Thank you in advance. :-)

I don't know if this counts but I often feel that it's unfair that I can't live a million different lives, try different jobs, find time to rest and learn and do all the things I want to do. for example, my friend has just started a career as a lawyer working with a firm that helps disabled people access housing, funding and better employment. what a cool thing to be able to do and how much training and learning has been involved! I want to try doing that, but I don't have a spare 4 years to complete that journey or the money to stop working and retrain. I don't feel like I'm jealous in a negative way, I just have this burning wish to be able to experience everything. or I have another friend who just left their career to work as a mental health care assistant helping teens with ed. again, how amazing and brilliant is that! it makes me feel like my silly little job is, well, silly, and I should do the same-- but I also love my job, and it suits me, and I don't feel I can just jump out to try on another life which is frustrating.

when I get these feelings I ask myself what small concrete action I could take to create a version of the thing that someone else has. when my friend was doing their law conversion, I took a short course on human rights law. it's no where near the same obviously but I felt like I fulfilled my desire to know more about that journey and it actually gave us more to talk about which was nice. or, you know, I'm getting married next year so it's easy to feel jealous of people who have the money to do £35k wedding, but I'm trying to find ways to make it my own. for example, instead of buying a wedding outfit which is ££££ I don't have, I've asked my mum if we can make something together like we used to when I was growing up. that's a more material (lol) example

every now and again someone glances at me, an Online Person(tm) and makes huge assumptions about how my life is and what I have or don't have. I've had messages in the past informing me about my own life and how I'm super rich and all this and that when actually I went through uni working a pt job and on a hardship grant because I'm from a low income household... anyway. you get the picture -- things aren't always how they seem, so I think one big thing when you feel jealous of someone is to remember that you might not know the whole story. they might seem like they have everything you don't, but they might also be carrying weight you can't see. the best thing to do is to voice your jealousy honestly and try and turn it into something good and positive that you can do. maybe jealousy is actually an opportunity, an unexpected window into ways we can change our lives? or an invitation to explore why we have such intense feelings about someone we don't know? :)

[gintamajustaway]

i hope you don't mind me asking - you don't have to answer this of course. why did you delete your fics instead of orphaning it? i'm just curious.

It’s always okay to ask, I don’t mind answering at all! I’ve answered this before, actually, but I remember that being pretty short, so I’ll go for the long answer this time. 

Putting it below the cut for you!

SO! I don’t know how much you’ve gathered about me, but I have anxiety and it used to be really crippling. It was hard to do very simple things because I’d overthink things about as much as a person can and I’d feel sick. Did you know that I used to queue my asks? Publishing them when I was around made me so anxious that I had to queue them to come out when I knew I wasn’t going to be anywhere near a computer. Like with all anxiety, my fears were irrational and more often than not, unfounded. That’s just an example, but it was constant anxiety over stupid things all the time, which is so goddamn exhausting, let me tell you.

I’ve changed a lot, though. I’m not the person I used to be. I still have anxiety, of course, that sort of thing never goes away, but it’s different now. I’ve worked so hard to change my perspective and now, my anxiety is more like a friend than anything. It didn’t happen over night and there are still some things that can set me off pretty good, but it’s nothing like it used to be and it’s all because I changed my mindset. Going out in big groups of people used to be really difficult for me and it made me soooo anxious. I’d always be so, so worried about stupid shit. “What if they don’t like me?” “What if I say something embarrassing?” “What if I offend someone?” So on and so forth, just an endless cycle of nonsense that crowded my head so much that I was the quiet one that barely spoke and I never wanted to go out. I go out all the damn time now and I have a blast. All because I sat my ass down and questioned myself. Why was I getting so worked up over whether people will like me? The real question is actually: Do I like them? Because it’s stupid to worry over whether people will like you if you don’t like them to begin with, you know? 

So, just a lot of that. Retraining my brain to realize that while it’s important to be conscious of others, it’s also important to be comfortable in my own skin. I can’t and won’t forego my own mental health for the sake of others, especially strangers or people I barely know. I’m so comfortable in my own skin now and through a lot of trial and error, I’ve learned to wholly love myself, which is an incredible thing. I’m not without my faults and there will always be ways I can improve myself, but I’ve built up the foundation to continue my own growth. I’ve turned my once crippling anxiety into something almost fun because now when I feel my anxiety spiking I can turn it into a game of analyzing why I’m feeling that way and it usually leads to some form of growth as I conquer new/old fears. There are times I can’t quite handle it, too. Anxiety like mind can bring some not so great depression along with it from time to time, but I’ve got a great support system. All I have to do when I feel it getting bad is tell my inner circle and they come through for me each and every time. It’s not like a need much, but knowing I have people I can reach out to no matter what and they’ll unfailingly be there is so soothing.

I’m pretty sure my anxiety wouldn’t be this bad if I hadn’t had a certain incident with a friend’s drunk dad when I was small kid. That really fucked me up and I’ve carried that with me for years. But I’ve overcome it now. I can talk about it easier. I can confront it without flinching. I can look that old friend in the eye and talk to her about it without feeling like I want to disappear, rip my own skin off, or both. That’s huge for me and I’m proud of myself for it! 

I’ve spewed a lot in this post, but this all has a purpose, I promise LOL When it came to deleting my fics, I had to figure out how I felt about them and what I wanted to do with them. I don’t think I’ve talked about this at length, but realizing my heart had moved away from writing fanfiction was a surprise to me. It had probably been building for awhile, I just hadn’t noticed, but it was like one day it was fine and then the next I realized my passions rested more with original works than anything else. It came down to the feeling of, “I love this more than I love this anymore,” and those types of feelings are completely natural. People change and their interests waver -- don’t let anyone tell you that you have to keep doing something for their sake, that’s just not how it works. It was a strange transition though since fanfiction had been part of my life for so long. Once I realized where my passions had shifted, I announced my final fanfic in the Onwards zine and began my transition.

The day I deleted my fics was kind of spur of the moment. It had crossed my mind for awhile, but I’d never acted on it until suddenly I went for it. All the fanfiction I wrote, it’s important to note that I’m incredibly proud of every single thing I made. I had a 90k+ ONE-SHOT that was so badass and I worked through so much of my own shit to write it. I improved over and over and over again. My very first Gintama fanfic (called “Two Men, One Box”) was so much fun that I can remember the day I wrote it. I can actually remember a lot from each fic I wrote. Where I was, how I felt, etc. They bring back a lot of really great memories and they track a journey for me.

Don’t know if you know this, but I used to write for other fandoms. If I’d been writing for kudos and comments I would have stayed in the Naruto fandom because I was popular there, too, and since that fandom is bigger, the following was bigger. I never cared about that stuff though, it’s just not important to me and never has been. Every time I switched fandoms I tended to delete work from that fandom. My Naruto fics were deleted pretty quick after I fell more in love with Gintama and began writing for it. (There were other fandoms before Naruto, but I didn’t write much for those and the fics never stayed up long.) It felt good to delete them, to me. I was moving on and in my head, it made sense for all those fics to move on as well. That doesn’t mean I wasn’t proud of those fics -- I am still to this day proud of them all, every single one. So, deleting my fics is not a new thing, but deleting as many of them as I did for Gintama in one go was new.

Orphaning them had crossed my mind, but I don’t think I’d ever really considered it an option. I love my fics, every single last one of them, and the idea of them floating out in cyberspace without my name plastered all over them felt like an injustice to myself. They’re mine and I love them so fiercely. Which ties into my anxiety, in its own way (which is why I spent time explaining it above). When I thought about “abandoning” them or “orphaning” them, I felt my anxiety rise a bit and that was enough to tell me that leaving them up wasn’t an option. If I didn’t like the thought of doing that, then I wouldn’t like it if I actually did it and left those great works out there without my name on them. People can call that selfish if they want, I don’t care, because it’s not selfish at all. I don’t need to consult strangers before I make decisions. Those fics are part of me and I wouldn’t feel whole without them. It’s not wrong for me to take pride in my work and it’s definitely not wrong to decide what’s best for me regarding the things I created.

So, that’s the long story of why I didn’t orphan them. It wasn’t a viable option as far as I’m concerned. I’d always deleted my fics in the past when I moved on from fandoms and it was good closure for me to delete all my fics when I realized I was collectively done with fanfiction.

[tomyo]

The 10 year change of JK and Anime style

My latest watch in my quarantine marathon has been KyouSougigi, a 2011 anime that's bombastic and quirky. The world was so hyperactive, I thought it was a gainax (the trigger part) project.

But as the main character Koto had pulled out her weapon decorated with two big plush mascot straps, I was suddenly catapulted into a hyperstate of nostalgia. I never thought a phone strap would be nostalgic.

I'd like to pause a minute just to show off my beloved phone that I used at that time:

Granted, I didn't use these accessories yet. I desperately wanted anime phone straps since 2005 but bizarrely I didn't get one until 2011 when my pucho included a small dragonfruit character who didn't make it very long. However, in 2012, I was a new city living college student with no limitations and I. Went. Ham. Fake food, squishy bread, and stuffed plush, I had it all. My phone was now properly twice it's weight in charms. I was living to the then dream of every JK Gal wannabe.

The world changes so unexpectedly in only 7 or 8 years.

Life does, that's not a boomer complaint. But the 180 in Japanase High Schoolers is something I don't think an 18 year old me would have considered. The image I had grown alongside was that of was short skirts, bleached hair, tons of accessories, bright colors, cardigans, long statement nails and as previously talked about, excessively decorated (flip) phones. Excessive is a good word for it. Even though the looming influence of smartphones phased away the strap loop, bags were still prime keychain holders and decoden phone cases where a trending style. Things did change with tech changes but this had been a general look for nearly 15 years. And yet, here we are now.

First of all I'd like to point out there's very few High School centric anime out right now. Especially not many in the last 3 years (albeit I refreshed myself by skimming Crunchyroll). This isn't so much that anime doesn't use high school age protagonists going into high school, but that school has little in effect of the story. The only notable example of HS anime in 2020 have been Fruits Basket, A Certain Scientific Railgun, Kaguya-Sama, and Eikouken, the first two happen to also be visually cemented in previous eras. So let's look at the other two as well as BNHA since it technically is also a school anime. Character design isn't uniform but it's pretty subdued. In all three of these, nearly every character wears their uniform to dress code standard. Out of the whole BHN cast, Bakugo is the only one to wear his uniform differently, aside from that I'd only consider Denki and Kirashina to have flashy hair. Now this isn't to say that characters don't personalize themselves but rarely is it in focal ways. Style seems to has been delagated to exclusively footwear, backpacks, and sometimes headwear. Again, no one really does a flashy design for hair. There isn't a lot of curling or dyed hair (even if it's colorful, it may still be their natural hair color) and styling is kept to simple ponytails. Every so often a character my wear an alternative pair of shoes or tights instead of knee highs but the only really expression is their backpacks. In some ways that's funny because it was previously one of the uniform elements. The school standard duffle seems to have been replaced by stylish bags, something that could be overlooked depending on how often they're worn (not that often).

If I had to describe how high school life is portrayed now, it's mature. Minimalism is, well, a big thing. When I see JK life, it tends to have a clean look, class president like almost, the appeal seems to be a contrast in the white of the blouse against a dark blue or black. Shows don't seem to want to break a jewelish natural pallette. Also track, track seems really big right now in high school stories, don't ask me why. I think another part of this is that the shoujo norm of light hearted stories focused on fashion and boyfriends seems to now be more about bittersweet dramas. The full blown pastel romantic comedy has a lot of niche focus, wotakei for example. Where naming all the 'I'm a high school girl with one major quirk and this is my wild romance with my boyfriend with wacky hijinks and extreme reactions' shows would be hard to do during the era I was in high school, it's hard to think of many now.

In a similar way, I feel the atmosphere of animation has evolved. Let me start by saying anime is gorgeous now. Backgrounds are paintings, sakuga is everywhere and it's been so long since wispy hair detail meant garrish lines. That being said, my one boomer comment is maybe that it's too good. The statement that "Anime looks amazing but also seems to always be in the same style." could be applied to both ends of the 2010s. Kyoto animation had been the studio, popularizing school girls doing cute things, their style of moe character design, and a style of referential that had to be seen (this also was something brought to further focus by makoto shinkai). Anime almost seemed to suddenly elevate with more carefully drawn backgrounds and honed use of lighting effects. After effects in the digital of anime used to go absolutely unused or where extremely forefront. You can really feel the differences in series like Toradora, Gurren Laggan, Anohana. They were just so polished. Unfortunately, we kept trying to polish. Every major series sans shonen has gone deep into polish but it's removed a lot of the edges in the process. Fruits Basket had a distinctive style that was kept through to it's first anime but is completely gone in the remake for something that's more generic.

I'm applying some tunnel vision to this but anime has veered more mature and graceful. Like the inverse of the JK girl from the flashy gal look to the mature and uniform, anime has flipped from bombastic and expressive to gorgeous but retrained. It wasn't just the plush straps that was so nostalgic in Kyousougiga (remember when this was the whole point?) But the cartoonish designs and secure personality of the characters. It's hard to fully put my finger fully on what it is but that loud personality doesn't seem to be around much anymore. The spectrum seems stuck to very distinct flavours of Deep Introspection or Comedic Dumbassery in terms of personality. The majority of the former can almost be stressful, the character is almost always troubled by the state of their situation. The early 2010s almost felt unburdened in their burdens. For instance, Koto is trapped in a magical world, all she wants is to get home and the world is kinda hostile to her. Even still, she is smiling, goofing, and even has a friendly relationship with her foes. It's a 'This sucks!' not as much as 'This isn't good..'. Studio Trigger, the part of Gainax that popularized that rouge-ish goofy cast has been somewhat of the only one to keep that up. Even then they lost that energy a little bit with Kiznaiver and Darling in the Franxx. Of course, this is also all processed through my experience now as an adult who has a lot more concerns. The taste of nostalgia is so sweet, I can almost feel youth flow back into me at the sight of a feature phone. Even as I try to finish this long detour from my anime watch, the urge to recapture that feeling of being 17 is a powerful drug. Its a mixture of a lot of senses, the feeling of wearing my mock school uniform and using a big purse like a school duffle, learning pixiv, becoming a little more stylish but still keeping an eye on Japanese fashion, becoming a little more independent and active in my interests, and the untroubled comfort of my desires. It's funny that 17, a defining year in my life, happens to be the same year this came out. All in that year, I took piano classes, learned how to use a DSLR camera, started to cosplay, and began to learn Japanese. It was the year I stopped being an outcast without trying to be someone, the year I saw my first concert, the year I learned about Boba and BB cream, the year I was really infatuated with this guy but probably also my female friend, the year I became to determined to get dual citizenship (goodbye to that chance), the year I started on tumblr, it was just a year that I knew who I wanted to be. I've actually come near around to that feeling again recently so I won't let the nostalgia haunt me too much. But man, I'm really for late 00s fashion to come back. I want the cute accessories back, the cheesy photos you'd take and share for fun, and for thrown together looks.

[friendlyadviceuniverse-blog]

I have a lot of things to do, I study very difficult subjects. My parents wanted that for me and I did what they wanted, I hardly have time for myself but I'm kind of used to that, now my parents keep asking me when will I find a boyfriend. It's making me anxious Idk what to answer. I don't really have much time, I also have very few friends and I'm always busy anyways. I don't think I have time to find a bf when I can't even meet with friends on weekend. Idk I think I have burnout or break down

When your parents (or anybody else) asks you about getting a boyfriend, it’s perfectly acceptable to say, “I’m focused on my studies/career/hobbies right now.” There is no need to be dating anyone at any given time.

I don’t want you to burn out or break down, so here are some general tips about managing your time and work-life balance.

Clear Out Time for Yourself

Set aside certain periods of time, as your schedule allows, to do things you enjoy. This could be going for a walk/run every morning for an hour and listening to music/podcasts. It could be keeping Saturday mornings clear so you can visit a cafe and read. You could dedicate your entire Tuesday (or whatever day works) to not working and taking some time for yourself. The point is that a certain segment of your time would be dedicated to relaxing - this is not as some people might say, laziness. I’m not a scientist, but we are not meant to function in GOTTA GET IT DONE mode 24/7. We NEED time to decompress or we’ll break down and be completely useless.

Plan for Your Responsibilities

Take stock of everything you have to do; I’m a big fan of lists, personally. Then, think about ways you could tackle them more efficiently. For example, if you realize that you find studying more effective at a certain time of day, plan on studying then. Break large tasks down into smaller stages, if that’s helpful. For example, if you have some sort of research project coming up, figure out the steps (Plan - Gather Information - Organize Information - Write Paper - Revise Paper). You know your schedule and what you need to do best - taking some time to figure out how to do it effectively and efficiently might go a long way towards keeping your workload manageable.

Use Your Resources

Are there resources you could be using but aren’t? Tutors, coaches, study groups, and academic centers? Identify the big problems that you’re facing, and ask yourself if there are ways to address them. For instance, if you find yourself getting swamped with dozens of different tasks and having a hard time with deadlines and keeping everything straight, I would recommend keeping some sort of planner or calendar to remind yourself of deadlines and to schedule things for yourself so you stay on task - there are also probably apps and online tools that can help as well.

Get Help

 If you think you need help, try seeking it out. This could be something like a tutor or friend to help you study for something you’re struggling with, or it could be counseling if you feel your mental health is suffering. Writing to this blog was a form of asking for help! But there may be more specific services that can help you in a more personalized way.

Start Saying No

 If you’re overloaded with things to do, start saying NO to things when you can. I understand that you won’t be able to avoid everything, but if you’ve gotten in the habit of taking on too many things, it’s a good idea to retrain yourself to stop accepting responsibilities you can’t reasonably handle. There’s no shame in saying, “Actually, I’m very busy right now, and I don’t feel that I could give _________ the attention it deserves.”

Drop Things if You Can

 Remember the list of responsibilities from before? If you have too much going on, it may be time to decide if some of those things should be removed. You won’t be able to drop everything - classes, for instance, but if you’re involved in things like clubs, student government, and so on, you may need to remove/pull back on some of them so that you can give your other priorities the attention that they need.

Best of luck, and take care of yourself!

[hanyalatif-blog]

Week 1 - Workshop

Design brief: Who, What, Where and Why

This workshop invited me to consider and then create a quadraptic collection of images of my responses

Who am I?

Hanya. I have, right now, spent 38 years on this little island in the sea, island in space. I had to keep remembering this “Why” was not about where I have been in these years, it is far more simplistic. Who. Am. I? Biologically, I am female; 5'2" on a good day; I am a hoarder of stories I don't know how to tell yet; I smile big and laugh heartily; I am passionate.

To me this question begs for a self portrait. Of course, that is exceptionally obvious, but sometimes I think the most simple of answers is the most effective. So here I am, in the style of how I do my illustrative works wearing the hard hat I occasionally work in. Laughing.

This is just an initial reaction to the question. It is not a well refined illustration but I wanted to keep it illustrative as it is something that has come from my own hand, my “who”.

What do I do?

I am the artist who fell apart as a secondary school teacher, then put a load of careers I thought I couldn't do in a hat. Science and Tech jobs. I picked out Structural Engineer and here I am, a retrained Senior Structural Design Engineer in the construction industry. I design cold rolled steel, detail, draw and calculate. I use Autocad and Revit for 2D and 3D modelling. I am the most unconventional engineer in the office because first and foremost I am an artist. I am the “dreamer and the data analyst” as SomeOne referred to in the lecture video. I love architecture, urban design, German expressionism, suprematism, brutalist Design (how can concrete create such depth and tone, be so heavy and look like lace?!)

In my spare time I illustrate, create works of art and work on a graphic novel. Just last night I had a private view of an artwork I recently completed as part of a “stickerClub collective”.

This is the quad I am most excited about. At the moment it is a representation of the old and new Birmingham Library. There are so many textures to explore there. The old brutalist and the new glazed, gold zinc clad, geometric framed elevations...I think this would move my GD practise in the right direction for me.

Where am I?

Birmingham. Middle Land. Central of this little island.

I’ve travelled quite a bit and lived elsewhere but my little heart belongs to this ever growing and changing city. My flat looks out on the canals in the Jewellery Quarter amongst some old and new structures. A celebration of the Industrial Revolution surrounds me. A great deal of my “art time” is spent in Digbeth which is a hub of arts and culture, and my day job is in Oldbury that’s at the heart of steel. 

This panel I am also excited about. I thought about cartography and began to read up on why and how different types and fonts are used in map marking. I want to delve into this further and perhaps work into a text hierarchy that represents myself, my local space and my global interactions.

Why Design?

When I first thought about this one, it seemed neat on impossible. I suddenly hit a wall of “why on earth am I doing this? And why now?”

I was watching the interviews in the first lecture. My heart was sinking with each one. Suddenly I thought I didn’t fit. I wasn’t any of them. Then I found it, what I’d been feeling in my job and career for so long. Simon Manchipp described the Graphic Designer and the Digital Designer as the Architect and the Structural Engineer. This truly resonated with me and has stuck with me since I first heard it.

I followed the trail of thought for a moment, considered the phrase "Dreamer and Data Analyst". These are who I am and these are methodologies I want to explore.

[cecilyacat]

So I generally like the people at my new karate dojo, but some things are really annoying. The first thing, which is not their fault to begin with, is that I had to change the "sub style" I'm training because they're doing a different one than in my old dojo. It's not that bad since it's still the same main style, but man, half the time I just want my old style back the way I know it. Anyway, this leads to annoying thing #1, which is them not being very patient with me when learning the particularities of their style. They'll tell me that with them, that kick is done this way instead. I'll then attempt the new way a couple of times and they'll again tell me their way - but in a way as if I'm just not trying to do it instead of having to retrain myself after years of doing it another way. The problem is not that I don't know what they want me to do, it's that it's just hard to do it after max. 3 tries. They make me feel like I'm completely incompetent for not following their instructions when I'm fucking <i>trying</i>, but I guess training for years kinda paid off because I still do the thing I practiced over and over.

Another thing is that I sometimes have the feeling that they're not actually looking at what I'm doing when it should be logical that I may need help with how things are done. I don't know, maybe it's just that they don't really praise me for doing things right either (which my old trainer did frequently to all of us), so it seems as if they're ignoring me. But how am I supposed to know if what I did was right if they don't tell me? And this is doubly important since I'm learning all this new stuff all the time.

I also feel that this dojo is less casual than my last one, which I don't really like because I tend to joke around a lot (not for long stretches of time during training, but whenever it comes up). I mean that's not what we're there for, true, but a little banter can make training much more enjoyable and lets you make friends more easily. But yeah. I also feel that they're more strict about what to do during training in general, which means exactly following their instructions and not talking with your fellow karate-ka about anything (which would mostly mean explaining techniques, etc.). This I think is actually detrimental because a) there's not always a trainer available to ask stuff if we're in groups and b) yes, I ask them to train me but I'm also there for my own enjoyment so if I want to touch on a different detail than they had in mind but that will also help make me better, why shouldn't I be allowed? I think the higher belts deserve that kind of trust since they've already shown that they're willing to train and stick with it.

Lastly, I'm just a bit sad that whenever I notice a difference between their style and my old style, they're not at all interested in seeing how I used to do it. I mean I get it, there's not a lot of time and it's not important for anything immediately, but while I'm trying to unlearn things I'm really good at, I'd sometimes like to be appreciated for what I actually can do. And I also think it's pretty interesting, but hey, maybe that's just me. But yeah, this is probably the point I know intellectually is the most understandable.

And yes, I know they're only human. And it's not always bad, many things are nice. But I'm homesick for my old dojo and my old style.

[palmaddict]

How I use my iPhone

From Arny Moore , Toronto, Canada.

Hey Sammy, I am using an iPhone 8 Plus. Not ready to move away from the home button just yet. Not ready to have to retrain my brain with all the new swipe commands.

I also use my iPhone in concert with my Fitbit Charge 2. This acts as my silent alarm and notifies me of calls and text messages (handy in a meeting when you don't want to disturb anyone, but still need your txt msg fix). I might have gone with an Apple Watch if it were cheaper and had a better battery.

Trying to be a little more conscientious about my health (thus the Fitbit). I use the Fitbit app to track my exercise, sleep patterns, water intake and my heart rate. Been recently experiencing SVT's (heart palpitations) so it's good for tracking episodes.

To help manage my Type 2 diabetes, I use a Bluetooth connected glucometer to track my blood sugar. The accompanying app reminds me when to check my sugar levels and the app tracks my trends and highlights areas of concern.

Getting ready in the morning means listening to the news/traffic/weather on my radio app. Waze gets me through traffic and finds me the fastest alternative to get to work. Listen to audiobooks and tunes along the way. I like Spotify but data plans in Canada can be a bit pricey, so I may treat myself near the end of the month once I know I am not going to exceed my limit.

For me, I carry my complete 16,000+ library of tunes (all of them legit) with me and that is the source of my music. It's like having all my children with me everywhere I go.

Have not found a satisfactory app to replace the simple Memo app from the Palm days. I would like to try Evernote, but they don't have a mass import utility to import the 3,000+ memos I have. I am using Momonote which had an import utility for Palm memos.

I am surprised at how many Google apps I am using: GMail, Google Calendar, Google Contacts. Not using Google Notes yet. Maybe because of how simple it seems. Apple Notes seems to work for quick notes. Should look into Google Keep.

A lack of To Do function in the Apple environment has driven me into ToodleDo. I have three sets of to do lists: one for work, one for home and one for my volunteer work. Using different ToodleDo clients gets me past any conflicts between the lists.

Facebook is my guilty pleasure of choice when it comes to social media, although i wish they would do something about it being such a power vampire. For a real time waster: YouTube (but you can only watch so many dash cam videos).

I had Flipboard installed, but dropped it when I subscribed to too many channels. Just a matter of house keeping I guess and maybe I''ll go back to it. I use Google News to keep up to date on the news.

What's App for my European cousins. Three weather apps because I can't find one to do all that I want (BeWeather, The Weather Network and Apple's Weather). Yahoo Weather is a delight to look at but again, it doesn't give me everything I want.

And the usual standbys - Safari and Mail. A limited number of games. Some simple card games. Looking for a really good time waster here. I've started a good number of games but get to the point where it starts costing money and I drop them.

So, is my iPhone the new "Precious". Sorry to say, but those giddy days are gone. The iPhone is a little more utilitarian, and it does contain my life but it isn't the thrill that my Palm Precious was.

Arny Moore , Toronto, Canada