#and i dont have a car to sleep in
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love this part of my life where the things that are difficult but challenging and good for me are things i can stop and skip and halfass, but the things that are difficult and painful and pointless are the things i have to live with no matter what
#school and home life are too much to handle so i skip school#because i cant kick my parents out#and appartments cost money#and i dont have a car to sleep in#i could maybe try to dig up my old childhood tent but that brings a whole host of logistic questions + im scared and it's difficult#anyway. it's fine. it's cool. i just have to hold on until i graduate high shcool and then ?????#find a way to live without my parents money OR scholarships#all for some nebulous end goal of having a job (the only field i'm interested in and good at offers two options:#to become an academic#or to become a freelancer#i do not have the fortitude to be an academic and being a freelancer is convoluted and pays like shit)#i might've spent 24h without my parents occasionally if i spent the night at a friend's place once or twice recently#but besides that the last time i've gone 48h without my parents was when the mental health center organised a week camp uhhhh...#two summers ago#incredibly good for my mental health as you can see#god i remember like... years ago. around 13yo maybe or 14. a guy. i dont know if he was a mental health professional or like social cases#but anyway he told me ''you're too afraid to be away from mommy and daddy'' and it made me want to rip his eyes out#several other people have implied or suggested that too over the years and it's just#am i too dependant on my parents? yes. will it be difficult to take my independance? yes.#does it means i don't both rationally recognize and feel that this is really fucking unhealthy and hindering for me#on top of being unpleasant?#FUCK NO#i want out my guy. there's just not many opportunities for an already mentally ill teenager#now that i'm eighteen i have to grapple with the logistical problems of the money needed and how to continue my education#and im sure a billion more if i start searching a little more seriously#perhaps i should kill myself that way i don't cost anyone any more money#broadcasting my misery#vent
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albus "I hope I die first, because I can't live without you" potter
and
scorpius "I hope I die second, so I can save you from that grief" malfoy
#i spent a very long time debating which way around they would be#had me sweating#do you love someone so much you cannot live without them#or love them so much you hope they never have to live without you#personally am the first ✋🏻 my fiance better fucking die after me i cannot be doing that#i know im fucking jinxing it rn#absolutely horrendous we cannot die at exactly the same time im suing#if we do die together in a car crash or smin just know that that is the best case scenario for us lmfao#jilys death is honestly the dream 🤞🏻😍 take us out together or dont take us out at all#i cannot imagine scorbus dying seperately im gonna be honest#imagine one of them at the others grave im going to throw up#absolutely not#headcanon that they die by fucking up a potion or even just dinner and setting their house on fire and dying of smoke inhalation together <#hashtag romance 😍😍😍😍😍😍#scorbus#hpcc#scorpius malfoy#albus potter#harry potter#its 6am i havent gone to sleep yet hope this is coherent 😚😚#harry potter and the cursed child#albus severus potter#scorpius hyperion malfoy
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I LOVE YOU BELLE JR THEY COULD NEVER MAKE ME HATE YOU
#even if i dont rlly like this production overall at least they gave me one new character that im obsessed with :3#shes in my brain and shes not paying rent#stex#starlight express#stex revival#stex london 2024#belle jr#belle the sleeper#belle the sleeping car#i think i saw someone calling her the sleeper in order to put her in a diff tag than belle sr?#idk im sure the fandom will eventually come up with some way to tag her#me n milo have been calling her belle jr which i think is really cute#belle the sleeping car....... TWO!!!
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Hello guys!!!!! Aforementioned project is finally finished 🫠 It was meant to be just a simple weekend project, and ended up being 30+ hours over the period of like four days. I don't think I'm an actual normal human anymore. This is the project that caused everyone in my life to question my mental and physical wellbeing and health. But I'm super excited to share this all of you!!!! Please enjoy!!!! Even if you don't like vettonso, I hope this is still interesting????
If you make any, please reblog this or tag me in it! I'm excited to see what other people, other than just me suffering alone in my bedroom, make out of this!!! <3
#jesus christ i cant believe i actually made this 😭😭#originally earlier last week i was like ahhh i wanna draw more of them in different eras(like the timeswap au)#and then randomly wanted to draw every single racesuit(nightmare)#and then im like WAIT I CAN MAKE A PICREW OUT OF THIS#no joke when i say i dont think i was a human this weekend#it was truly: eat. sleep. draw. eat. draw. sleep. draw. eat. draw. draw. sleep.#the screentime count on my ipad is soooooo fucking bad im ashamed dhfjfkkg#i dont think picrews are meant to be made in the span of a weekend#*weakly* i did it~#again as i said in the description. please request if you want anything added!!!#i dont know if ill get to it immediately bcs i just spent 30+ hours psychologically torturing myself#i actually feel so ill JSJFKGLGLG but im happy w it and i wouldnt have gone back and changed any of the process#tho the evolution of 'im having so much fun' to groaning every time i opened up my ipad again was so funny#thank you so much to suzuki i could have never have done this without your support and encouragement 🥹🥹#hoping this picrew works as a blood sacrifice to the good health and wellbeing of the amr24. the car that is launching today!#also istg i am going to dm shill and self reblog this with no shame. it is my magnum opus(as of now)#now i am going to sleep and not touch my ipad for a while djfkkglg#f1#formula 1#sebastian vettel#fernando alonso#catie.art.#vettonso#normal posts that catie normally makes in a normal fashion
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I want you to imagine a meadow. In the golden sunlight of late summer. The flowers are fragrant. Some of them are almost waist high. Meadowsweet, spearwort, yarrow, clover. The fringed leaves of silverweed shimmer as they dance beneath your feet. Elsewhere, the grass is dotted with flowers you have to crouch to see. Forget-me-nots, stitchworts, vetches. A dynamic living carpet curls around your boots.
The meadow goes on for miles. There are hedges and stands of trees. These woods are heavy with blackberries and elderberries, the promise of autumn on its way. And at the end of the meadow is a glittering shore. A lake sparkles as it laps against the meadow, creating the perfect home for the golden goblet flowers of marsh marigold. The sighing sound of the water wraps you up in a gentle sense of peace.
And the animals! As you walk, curious cows come up to say hello. A pair of horses follow you for a while. You stroke one of them on its velvet soft nose. It leans into the weight of your careful hand.
Finally, I want you to imagine that somewhere, deep in this meadow of dreams - among the flowers and the brambles and the animals who seem like they might like to follow you home - you lost your keys.
That was my afternoon.
#I....did not find them!#it was surreal to be so stressed amid so much beauty.#I paid a lovely man 450€ to hack my car while a kind farmer offered me tea and food and new socks and also his van#and now i'm home and showered and I have an alcoholic beverage and I might still get 7h sleep. Happy ending.#Dont @ me about describing grazing land as a meadow. Meadow evokes the sense of the place better#It hadn't been topped in TWO YEARS#Hm. Would love to hear what ppl think topping means in this context. Stiofan don't respond that's cheating#Me Fein#eefa sells her labour
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a series of survive the night horror games where you play as Hank in various environments like his house or the bar with a list of leisure tasks to complete while trying to evade Connor who is trying to catch you and make you go to work and the Game Over animation is a POV of getting blasted in the face by the shower while connor tells you you have psychological issues.
wait, make it 2 player!
#i dont know how there would be a way to win#you survive the night and then have to go to work anyway#get in the car and connors in the passenger seat#or maybe you get to sleep in#after throwing him off a building or something
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happy woman day everyone i love women
#selfishly putting all my fav costumes for each character because this is MY world#starlight express#stex#god do i have to tag them all#buffy the buffet car#pearl the observation car#carrie the luggage car#coco the french engine#belle the bar car#duvay the sleeping car#joule the dynamite truck#volta the freezer truck#ashley the smoking car#wrench the repair truck#mama the steamer#momma the steamer#dinah the dining car#belle the sleeping car#i DONT think i forgot to include any characters but if i did.sozzies
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could you draw Duvay? 👉👈
throwback to my purple duvay redesign from way back in the day before we had a canon purple sleeping car 💜
#my art#fanart#starlight express#stex#duvay the sleeping car#im sorry these request drawings have been so simple i just dont have it in me#im trying to hype myself up for a big drawing its not working
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Current count since I last slept: 41 hours.
I think I've capped out at 46 before, I'm not sure because my worst fit of insomnia had me in no position to check times. But I'll say 46. So if we hit 48 we're setting personal records!
#i do not want to actually be awake#my body just physically cant process stress#'oh zee why cant you be in a car?'#this. this is why#and you might think: 'oh this cant be because you were in a car!'#it is. it so totally is#and also stress#but mostly i blame being in a car#everytime i get in a car i get sick#motion sickness vertigo dizziness insomnia#my body is violently against automobiles#which is actually so annoying because i finally own one of my dream cars#and wanna know when i last drove my baby?#A YEAR AND FIVE FUCKING MONTHS AGO#Also please for the love of fuck do not suggest anything to help me sleep#i. have. tried. it.#when im dealing with insomnia like this the only way it stops is preceiotion strength meds or my body calms itself the fuck down#no teas no melatonin no meditating no lettuce water no hot milk NOTHING will work#and also even prescription strength meds dont always work when its like this i have woken up like two hours after taking some b4#when my body doesnt want to sleep it will not sleep#you can tell how little sleep im running on based on how unhinged these tags are
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Fucking wet weasel of a man
(click for quality)
#secret actual funniest death option: he was like a used car salesman or smth and a tv just dropped on his head one day#then he decided to just go full tv personality since fuck it hes already got a box for a brain now#also i KNOW the hair is ass. drawing slicked back hair is HARD ok and i dont feel like trying a third time#honestly surprised he didnt reincarnate as a weasel with the face i gave him#obsessed with this guy i want to attach a magnet to his head#the vees are all so eepy i want to grind them into dust and snort them like cocaine#anyway should i do vel or val next? discuss#art#artist#digitalart#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel fanart#hazbin hotel vox#hazbin hotel velvette#hazbin hotel valentino#hazbin the vees#the vees#urghhhhhh its 3am time for sleep. i have a lecture tomorrow#artists on tumblr
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Day 126 | id in alt
I raise everyone, Itadori sleeps like a damsel in distress.
#dailykugisaki#jjk#kugisaki nobara#itadori yuji#fushiguro megumi#tokyo trio#i do not like how i drew Kugisaki here but ive been nauseous all fucking day so#Itadori never belives Kugisaki even though she has 50 pictures of him sleeping like that to prove shes right#he always thinks shes setting him up but shes NOT#Kugisaki about to strangle him instantly#Itadori just does shit and suddenly Kugisaki wants to dropkick a car#Fushiguro is here too i guess#i got lazy and didn't draw the rest of him#i dont want to either. he drains me of any energy i have
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It is far too early in the morning for me to be squealing and kicking my feet over my F/Os right now
#might run my mouth about Chick Hicks for a moment#the sad thing is that the voiceline compilations dont have ALL the voicelines and so its like EEKEEKKKK A NEWW ONEBE!!!!#but at the same time it's like...WAUGH IM NOT RECORDING AND I DONT KNOE IF I CAN TRIGGER THE CHARAFTER TO SAY IT AGAIN#would've been earlier in the morning as well if I didn't repeatedly go back to sleep#i love you Chick welcome back. glad to see you havent changed#don't knoe why I'm welcoming him back he never left#I really love that nearly every Cars game except the Cars 2 ones is Chick being irritating towards Lightning#and this one seemingly takes place right after Cars 2 considering Lightning is still in the race paint scheme for it#gosh yall im gonna run my mouth so badly#but it's also like..m I wanna run my mouth but i don't know if it will make any sense out of context and it is a whole story on it's own-#-to add context...waugh!!!!
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Fucking HELP ME GUYS one of my best friends who I talk to basically 24/7 hasn't replied or has any messages I've sent to him deliver in 36 FUCKING HOURS now I'm genuinely starting to get concerned about him where the flying fanny flap is he I wanna talk to my bestie
#this is gollyimsoevil at least one of you has got to recognise the name#he deactivated his tumblr :(#but the point is YOU DONT BLOODY UNDERSTAND THIS IS THE LONGEST IVE GONE WITHOUT TALKING TO HIM IN FUCKING MONTHS WHAT THE FUCK#evidence we have so far us yesterday he was coming back from holiday and driving the whole way which is an 8 hour drive#so now my minds going to terrible car accident family of 4 dead#time to start researching car accidents from 18th of July#hes supposed to be coming over to mine tomorrow#what am i gonna do if he doesnt??? what if he still hasnt replied by then????#the best theory i can make is that he ran out of mobile data yesterday in the car ride which is why he couldnt text#and maybe the reason hes not texting this morning is because hes still asleep?#OR his phone ran out and he was able to charge it all day yesterday somehow#and this morning hes sleeping in#hmmm
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GUYS ITS BEEN RAINING FOR MORE THAN 10 MINUTES PLS PULL THROUGH UNTIL TOMORROW AND CANCEL CLASSES SO I CAN GET ENOUGH REST!!!
#i have sleep like im a robot#unfortunately i dont think i can survive on 15 minutes of rem sleep in the car on the way to school#more of this would kill me i fear#pls. just cancel
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tag vent
#i have to move back to my hometown due to a mistake. a misunderstanding. and being too trusting in others ideas#and my boyfriend is moving an hour away as well. neither of us have been able to get a car or license yet due to money and i dont know when#we can see eachother again after we both move. since we started dating weve been sleeping in the same bed because we were/are roommates#just being gone for the weekend in my hometown is hard because i cant stand to be here but its worse because hes not in my bed every night#ive grown so used to falling alseep in his arms that i dont know what to do at night. i dont feel safe without his arms holding me#ive never felt safe where ive lived before. ive never felt safe in a relationship. ive never felt loved for who i am. that was until him.#now i feel safe in our home. i feel safe in our relationship. i feel loved for who i am. and now we have to be so far apart.#ive done long distance before but this is going to hurt so much my cat loves him she is super cautious and scared around new people but#she loved him since the start. not to mention shes my esa so that really mattered to me. he wants to move with me but it isnt happening#he got definite housing an hour away for super cheap in a town where he knows everyone and i have possible in a town where im surrounded by#people i know but am terrified of. im scared to move back here but have no choice. unless i make that terrifying choice of going with him.#the apartment he is getting is a two bedroom. id only have a studio. hes offered for me to come but im scared to move that far away again#i want to be with him but im scared to move to a whole new town with him. i know hes an amazing guy but we'd be moving away from my friends#and family. i already have to move away from all my friends if i go back to my hometown but this would be a different story.#moving to a whole new town with a guy that i only started dating 2 months ago? like yes. i lived with him previously and knew him for longer#than we dated but im still scared. i think rightfully so. but still.#but there are some pros to moving with him. hometown has no music scene and his town does and thats really important to me.#we'd also be close to his family. but farther from mine. hed be around friends and id have none no matter where i go.#idk im just rambling but i really needed to vent. i lost my best friend recently to the point of them siding with strangers almost and they#helped them break and enter into the house to intimidate me and bf and then a few days later came with cops after saying repeatedly that#they were an anarchist and acab but only when they dont use them apparently. because i guess morals/values only matter when its convenient#im so tired though but i cant sleep so i might write some cringe poetry and try to chill out before going on a late night/early morning walk#tag vent#vent in tags
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men will take 3 night shifts in a row
#muttering under my breath like a prayer. im making insane amounts of money here it's worth it it's worth it it's#i dont take anything other than night shifts anyway like i never begin earlier than like 9.30#but my sleep schedule reset to going to bed at like midnight when i was in paris and BOY that's kicking my ass rn#it's literally fine. also i have to take my car to the mechanic (?) to get winter tyres which sounds so scary#but my father will come with me so it's fine. it's okay. it's fine#we need to get rid of all cars forever please bring back horse riding PLEASE#i say that like i don't literally live in budapest where you cant rly go a day without seeing ppl riding around on horses but#barking
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