#am i too dependant on my parents? yes. will it be difficult to take my independance? yes.

[anaalnathrakhs]

love this part of my life where the things that are difficult but challenging and good for me are things i can stop and skip and halfass, but the things that are difficult and painful and pointless are the things i have to live with no matter what

[cosmicconversations]

Pick-A-Card Tarot Reading: Guidance For Your Current Path 🔮

For this Pick-A-Card Friday here on the blog, we are going to focus on your current path in life. I will be asking if you are on the right path and what guidance is needed for this current part of your journey.

Remember, though, to not take this idea of the right path too much to heart. Even when we are going in a less favorable direction, it only provides us with more opportunities to learn and grow. The messages about your path could focus on career but it could also be about love, healing, personal development. There are a lot of things that make up our life path.

(I won’t be doing an extended reading this week but I do have a special perk planned for my Patreon members. I will be posting about it today on that page.)

Pick the pile that you feel most drawn to and then continue to your reading. As always, trust your intuition and only take what resonates.

Pile 1

Pile 2

Pile 3

Pile 1

Are You On The Right Path?

Queen of Pentacles (reversed)

Guidance For Your Current Path

Eight of Cups (reversed) /// Three of Pentacles (reversed) /// King of Cups

Okay, Pile 1, with the question of whether or not you are on the right path, I would have to say no. The Queen of Pentacles in reverse is a “no” answer. It specifically indicates that you might be putting yourself in situations that are uncomfortable (in a toxic way, not a positively challenging way) and doing things that go against your integrity and character. It feels like you have made certain choices recently strictly out of a need for security. And, hey, I get it. We all need financial security in life. But, you don’t need to put your well-being and happiness on the line to do so. Or your self-respect.

This feels like it could be a relationship, for some of you, that provides you with the material resources you need. It could be with someone a bit older and in an authoritative energy. Although this could be romantic, I am also getting the vibe of a relative or a parent. It is some situation where you are dependent financially on that person or receiving significant financial help from them. You’re not happy here but you are also not leaving because of that dependency. Yes, this could definitely be a parent or, at least, someone who is acting like a parent, no matter their relationship with you. But, it’s not the most cooperative connection. It is difficult to be connected to them or around them because they give you so little to work with and have this refusal to grow and change.

For others of you, this is a work situation. Things are very stagnant on the job but you have this deep resistance to quitting or looking for other work. I know it feels like your life depends on this job and can literally seem that way. But, you can break free. You can make whatever choice you want. You don’t have to be a slave to a certain job just because you’re used to the money. I also think this could be a toxic work environment, with a boss that misuses their power and authority in some way or co-workers who are really hard to get along with. A few of you may be having some serious drama with a colleague or two that is making it difficult to function in the workplace.

In either case, you need to know that it is possible to move on and move forward. You don’t have to stay stuck in this circumstance just because it’s comfortable. Things that are comfortable aren’t always good for us. With this King of Cups, I get two interpretations. It seems like you will be meeting a masculine figure soon who is sensitive and supportive with a quiet strength. If this is a professional matter, it could be a mentor or a potential employer or just someone who wants to provide you with the right opportunities and connections. This could be a man or also a woman with significant masculine energy. They could have Cancer, Scorpio or Pisces placements. I think they will be able to offer you some kind of help, which may be financial, to give you a way out of where you are. You also could already know this person, especially if this is about a relationship or family situation. Look out for an old friend or relative (possibly with the aforementioned placements) who can give you the help you need.

I also think this King of Cups is a side of you that is emerging now. I think you are quite sensitive and intuitive yourself, possibly with Water sign energies. Deep down, you know that you are not where you want to be, that this current situation that is causing an issue is draining you emotionally. Whereas you may be prone to letting your feelings overwhelm you and prevent you from acting as effectively as you can, that is changing soon. King of Cups energy is emotional but calm, capable of soothing troubles and propelling oneself into action due to the feelings that are felt. Now is a great time to channel your unresolved or unexpressed emotions into something productive. And that can just mean knowing it would be productive to work on solutions to your current problem instead of just settling for it and being miserable because of it. I know you feel like you have been stagnant and maybe even that something out of your control has kept you from creating change. On some level, it probably has. But, you need to do some deeper reflection and introspection to discern how you’re standing in your own way.

/////////

Pile 2

Are You On The Right Path?

Ace of Swords

Guidance For Your Current Path

The Moon /// Queen of Swords (reversed) /// Queen of Pentacles

Pile 2, are you currently on the right path? I would say yes. The Ace of Swords upright is a “yes” answer. Here’s the thing, though. I don’t think you believe that! I feel like some of you even scoffed or rolled your eyes while reading this. But, it’s true! What this card is telling me is that you have to see your situation from a new perspective. You are so busy judging where you are and what you’re doing and what you have or don’t have that it is hard to believe that you are doing anything right.

Something that is standing out to me is that you guys need to watch how you speak about yourselves. Please promise me that you will work on being kind to yourself! There is a major energy here about harsh communication toward the self that is being driven by deep inner issues. You don’t seem to either understand that it’s a deeper problem or you don’t really know where that comes from. I think you are being symbolized by both of these Queens here. You might have Air placements (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius) or Earth placements (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn) in your chart. You are being this Queen of Swords in reverse to yourself, it seems. It is a very harsh and cold and “rip em to shreds” sort of energy. But, it feels like you are directing all of this meanness inwardly.

Some of you need to hear that being this insanely hard on yourself does not yield the results you think it does. During this time, you are being asked to treat yourself like the Queen of Pentacles. Irrespective of gender, you need to be a kind, loving, nurturing mother to yourself. You might be in a time where you are highly dissatisfied with where you are. I feel like you are dealing with a lot of uncertainty. I am getting this image of someone just walking through the dark during a blackout. It is pitch black and you don’t know where you are going and you are just feeling your way through it, taking small steps. Well, you don’t need to curse yourself because you trip over something or run into a wall. You don’t totally know where you’re going and you’re doing the best you can right now.

I also feel like certain mother issues or mother wounds are being brought up during this difficult time. Maybe you grew up with a Queen of Swords in reverse type of mother figure, a narcissistic or deeply critical mom who made you feel like you were always doing it wrong. Maybe you are in this current situation to trigger that insecurity and, through that unkindness to yourself, pinpoint where that is coming from and how to heal it. A certain confrontation with your mother figure at this time may be inevitable, especially if she is unhappy with how your life is going. And this feels very general. It could be career matters or love or anything else you could be judged for. A select few of you may even be parents and you are feeling that hard scrutiny in that sense.

However, I also feel that a caring Queen of Pentacles figure (whether they are male or female) may prove to be a stabilizing and comforting influence. It could be someone who takes a certain amount of the pressure off of you or who makes you feel cared for and supported. Your mental health may be suffering lately but this maternal presence will be a stabilizing individual in your life. They may also play a pivotal role in you changing how you speak to yourself. This reading felt a little more general because it seems like you aren’t meant to know much of what is going to happen next. The Divine is doing that thing of giving you very few answers because they want you to appreciate the present and not be in your head. Yet, having a clear head right now will make all the difference. Just take a breath! Everything is going to be okay. You are going to have to deal with more uncertainty and you will often feel like you are hanging by a thread. But, you’re doing amazing, sweetie. SO much better than you think!

/////////

Pile 3

Are You On The Right Path?

Three of Cups (reversed)

Guidance For Your Current Path

Nine of Swords (reversed) /// Ten of Swords (reversed) /// Six of Cups (reversed)

Pile 3, as far as being on the right path, it looks like that is a no. But, it’s a no with an asterisk. No, you’re not where you want to be but you are also on the verge of being where you want to be. Not only do you have the awareness that this is not your path but you are also actively doing what you need to do to leave it behind. The Three of Cups in reverse speaks to a feeling of having outgrown something. Yet, Cups represent emotion. So, it doesn’t mean that the feelings aren’t still there or don’t linger.

This very much feels relationship-oriented. If that doesn’t sound right for you, then I don’t think this is your pile. I see two different situations here. The first, which feels most prominent, is that you are with someone romantically that you know you should no longer be with. The fulfillment you once felt with them is gone and although you know it’s time to end things, you’re not completely ready to do it. You two may even have temporarily broken up and you’re thinking of reconciling things somehow. For some of you in this group, this is an ex that you recently decided to get back with. If not an official ex, then someone from your past that you had feelings for and history with. And being with them now is showing you why you didn’t have to spin the block.

For others of you, this is a friendship that also probably comes with a lot of history. But, it has worn its course. Maybe you two have had a lot of drama and it has become very awkward and distant or turned into a frenemy type situation. It is also possible that this is a whole group of friends that you are feeling alienated from and distant toward. While this may be because they revealed themselves to be fake or backstabbers or they gossiped horribly about you, something hugely dramatic may not have happened. That seems to be the dominant energy but it is also possible that it’s just one of those situations where friends who once had so much in common are getting a bit older and growing apart and no longer compatible anymore.

Whether this is romantic or platonic, breakups are tough. And it seems like this is something you have been really dreading or putting off. You might be in that “bargaining” stage where you are trying different little things to see if that would work or if it would make them happier or you happier. But, deep down, I think you know what you need to do. You have a right to move on. When it comes to friends, some are with us for a lifetime and some are with us for a season, in order for us to have certain experiences with them and then evolve. I say that because it seems like, if you fall into the “friend breakup” group, you are holding on to your friend(s) out of blind loyalty. I feel like this wasn’t just any friendship. This was a “best friends” situation. This may be someone you have known since college or high school or earlier. It is someone you have so many memories with and thought you’d have in your wedding (or maybe you have already) or have play dates with your future kids. To realize that is not going to happen can be devastating. Also, we can hang on to close friendships like these for so long because of all of the time we have invested in it.

The same can be true of a romantic relationship, obviously. If this is the group you fall into, I think this is something that has been on/off or unrequited on some level for many years. And it is really difficult to accept that all of that is going to come to an end. You seem to be dealing a lot with the “what if” of it all. You might feel like, if you just give it one more go, things will be different. But, will they? Has this person truly changed? Maybe they have. But, maybe you have changed, too. Just because someone wants to do right by us now doesn’t mean we have to take them back. Maybe you have had a change of heart about this person and that is the most heartbreaking thing. You can’t control your heart when you fall in love and you also can’t control your heart when you fall out of love. Don’t force yourself back into a narrative that is no longer yours! For many of you, I do think that this situation, however it has manifested, has been negatively impacting your mental health. Maybe the heartbreak or anguish has been so intense that it has led to a bout of depression, huge anxiety or recurring nightmares. I do see you overcoming all of this, though. Even though this will be a significant loss for you, you are going to gain so much! Keep your head up and do what’s best for you. If you can afford therapy, please seek that professional help. (And if you already are, keep at it!) Also, journaling. Journaling is going to be a huge release for a lot of you and a great way to sort all of this out. I also see some of you writing whoever this is a letter or email or something like that where you can communicate all of your feelings most effectively. Do whatever you need to do. And I feel called to say that you are no longer the younger version of yourself that this person (or these people) once knew. You are stronger and more mature and self-aware and you don’t have to deal with this situation like you used to.

[schtrawberry]

personal astrology observations

[!] this is mostly an introspective view into my chart; in no way, shape, or form am i saying that any of this is fact or set in stone, nor am i saying that i am a professional astrologer. these are just presences that exist within my chart that i've felt manifest themselves in real life. simply put, take what resonates and leave what doesn't :)

— sun in hard aspect to neptune can indicate having an (extremely) clouded view of oneself to the point of there being a huge gap in the way they think they're presenting themselves to the world to how they're actually perceived and viewed by other people.

[i have this aspect in square and i've noticed that people perceive me as more than i truly am (more financially-abundant, skilled, smarter than i actually am, etc.) and just make incorrect assumptions about my personality and who i am, in general. i feel that this might be due to the clouded nature of neptune versus the outward nature of the sun which has led to a social manifestation of the unclearness of my inner self and the way i display myself to the world, if that makes sense.]

═ another thing, i don't think people talk enough about how strongly neptune manifests itself in this placement, even among individuals with very little neptunian energy in their charts. daydreaming and just being not fully there plays a large part in who i am, and not even in a cute dumb blonde kinda way, more in an absentminded, head-in-the-clouds kinda way.

☰ sun in the tenth house 🤝🏽 being/wanting to be on a reality tv show!

[i swear as someone w this placement, i often find myself genuinely feeling like yes, if given the chance to do love island/too hot to handle/twenty-somethings/the bachelor— i 100% would.]

☱ mercury in hard aspect to neptune can indicate having a beautiful way w words but also not being able to explain things clearly?? can also manifest itself in just literally being difficult to understand at times, either due to the volume of their voice, way of speaking, or choice of words.

☲ moon opposition mars can exhibit deep emotional turmoil and not being able to handle one's emotions in a calm manner. i find that this manifests itself in the occasional emotional outburst (whether it's more crying or anger or both probably depends on both the moon and mars sign) but yeah— turmoil.

[i have personally experienced multiple events throughout my life where i've gone through public (embarassing, ik) emotional outbursts during stressful situations. luckily, my moon is in cancer so i'm more just a ball of tears, but this has been something that i'm still struggling to control, even as a twenty-one yr old]

☴ having a heavily-aspected chiron (multiple major aspects to personal planets, asc, and mc) and feeling rejected by your family and peers. chiron is the asteroid of wounds, hence a heavy presence in one's chart can indicate multiple emotional wounds involving one's parents, the same/opposite gender, along with inner and outer turmoil.

[tw: mention of suicidal thoughts i have chiron aspecting my sun, moon, venus, mars, and mc (most of them being hard aspects), and have felt suicidal for most of my life. i've never really fit in anywhere and have always been at odds with both the masculine and feminine energies in my life. if you have this placement as well, i genuinely hope you're doing well bc this energy is hard to cope w sometimes.]

[`] film: 千禧曼波 millenium mambo (2001) dir. hou hsiao hsien

next

[putschki1969]

2024/07/10 Blog post by Wakana おしゃべりガーデン第11回目‼️〜とにかくたくさんお喋りしました〜

❗This is Fan Club EXCLUSIVE content❗ ❗PERSONAL USE ONLY❗ ❗Do NOT SHARE on other sites❗ ❗Join her FAN CLUB! Check out my detailed TUTORIAL ❗

Talk Garden Vol.11‼️〜I Talked a Lot〜

Vol 11 of Wakana' Chat's Talk Garden has been uploaded!! ＼(^o^)／This time, I asked you to submit all sorts of questions for me😊I wanted to read as many of your messages as possible so the episode turned out really long…😅💦I know it's probably a hassle to listen to the entire thing but please bear with me, take your time and listen to the podcast whenever you feel like it🤗✨

Here is the "Silk Nightcap" I mentioned in the podcast (looks surreal doesn't it?😂) I think it fits quite well *laughs* The back looks like this. You can tuck away and protect your long hair😆

And here's some info about my summer skin care! I didn't answer the question properly during the podcast so I thought it would be best to show you everything here😂In summer, I tend to prefer skin care products that are a little lighter than the ones I use in winter, but I don't want to change my routine completely.😊All these items are from Korean brands…🤣Aside from chaging the lotion I use for my facial device, the lineup is pretty much the same as in winter. However, since the UV rays are strong during this time of year, I use a lot more cosmetics with whitening agents. I use the same nighttime serums all year round, one with vitamin C, another one with retinol. I use the one with retinol on days when I've been exposed to too much air conditioning, and the one with vitamin C on days when I've been exposed to UV rays. I have various morning serums…not just the ones you see here, there are about four types that I use depending on my mood. One product that's different in summer is my cream, I use the tube in the back on the right side at night. In the morning, I use the tube in the back on the left side as a good base for my makeup. By the way, my tone-up serum is the tube next to my morning cream. I love the brand "Serendi Beauty", but unfortunately, their products have been sold out for a while and I can't buy them anywhere😭It's not featured here but their lotion in particular is seriously the best…!!

I also use face masks in the morning and at night, the same ones I use in winter 😊Here's my starting lineup for facial masks✨Once again, I've increased my stock of whitening products! And of course I also want something that is very moisturising! I aim to feel well hydrated from the inside. That way, even if I do my makeup with a matte finish, my face won't dry out all day 😊💓

Well, since I have some spare time… I'll briefly try to answer a few of the remaining questions! (^^)

Q. Do you mind spoilers? For shows, movies, novels, manga, games, setlists, anything? A. I don't like spoilers for weekly shows that I look forward to watching. I am very fascinated by anything horror-related but I think it's too scare so I can't really watch it. That's why I always read all the spoilers *laughs* Also, I'm such a beginner at games so I watch a lot of walkthrough videos of good players to help me get past difficult parts.

Q. Do you receive all of our letters and presents? A. Yes! I've received all of them, including every single letter😊 Thank you as always…✨ Speaking of which, I once received some hair oil which made my hair super smooth and silky so I bought some for myself!! !

Q. Are you okay with heights? A. I'm not that bad at heights but I feel like the glass floor of Tokyo Tower is pretty scary😇 Also, I've never been on one but the Ferris wheel carriages with glass floors look pretty scary too😇

Q. What are some recommended spots in Yokohama? A. The sea and the night view around the Red Brick Warehouse are beautiful!! !

Q. Have you ever had a pet before? A. When I still lived at home with my parents we had a dog🐕 When I started living alone, I had a goldfish🐟 (My little goldfish Buu-chan has passed away and gone to heaven a long time ago (;_;)🐟✨)

Q. Even though my message was read during the last episode, the present hasn't arrived yet. When will it arrive? A. Please forgive me, I'm always so slow at making my postcards for you. I will try my best to have them delivered by the beginning of the next month! I'm sorry for making you all anxious, wondering if the postcard got lost in the mail… 😱 Please wait patiently~ (I'm even more sorry that last month's presents were super late… 💦)

I want to answer even more of your questions but I'm going to stop here before it gets out of hand 😅If you have any other questions, please send them to me~

The next talk theme for the episode on August 10th will be "What kind of pillow do you use?/What is everyone's pillow situation?" Additionally, you can continue to send random questions you'd like to ask me! ＼＼\٩( 'ω' )و //／／The deadline is July 31st!! ! Please send in as many messages as you can!! ! 💌

Well then, everyone! This Saturday I am performing at the summer event “AirTrip presents Everyday’s Omatsuri 2024”! See you at Yokohama Red Brick Warehouse~♪＼(^o^)／♪

Until next time~☆( '▽')/

＊＊＊Wakana＊＊＊

Wakana’s Talk Garden #11

❗This is Fan Club EXCLUSIVE content❗ ❗PERSONAL USE ONLY❗ ❗Do NOT SHARE on other sites❗ ❗Join her FAN CLUB! Check out my detailed TUTORIAL ❗

Episode #11 »»—— CLICK ME 🎁 CLICK ME ——«« ・Anything you’d like to ask Wakana/Anything you’d like Wakana to talk about

One fan asked about Wakana's time as a gospel choir member and whether she remembered liking any particular songs or singers. While she doesn't have a lot of memories, she recalls three specific songs => "This Little Light of Mine", "Seasons of Love" and "It's Raining Men". Loved that we got a few snippets of her singing some lines of each song. I honestly wouldn't mind if she released another cover album with all sorts of Western/American music

For next month’s episode which is scheduled to air on August 10th, the following two topics have been chosen:

・ What kind of pillow do you use?/What's your pillow situation? ・Anything you’d like to ask Wakana/Anything you’d like Wakana to talk about

The submission deadline is 07/31.

Everyday’s Omatsuri Merchandise

Two original items have been revealed as live goods for Wakana's upcoming appearance at the summer event "Everyday's Omatsuri"! One is a t-shirt and the other is a muffler towel. You can order both in Wakana's Official Online Shop! Preorder period ends on July 12! Shipping is scheduled for the end of July. (Source) (Instagram post by Wakana)

Title: “AirTrip presents Everyday’s Omatsuri 2024” Date and time:July 13, 2024 Open 18:30 / Start 19:00 Venue: Yokohama Red Brick Warehouse Performers: RYTHEM・Wakana Official site: http://omatsuridays.jp/

2024/07/11 Instagram post by Wakana

Today I had a rehearsal for the summer event “Everyday’s Omatsuri 2024”which will take place this Saturday 🤗✨ Here I am together with the two members of RYTHEM and Takebe-san! Say Cheese 📸YUI-san and YUKA-san were so cute and dazzling…😍💓I'm excited because I think it's going to be a fantastic peformance✨I hope everyone will come and have a great time~🧚💕(Source)

[letstrythisout4]

hi >. i saw your requests for prompts and requests and just wanted to ask if you could do like head cannons or even a story abot Blaise Zabini being a girl dad.

Like I know this sounds lowkey specific but could you please?

It's alright if you dont want to.

♡ ♥💕❤

Author note: this is much longer than I thought it would be, but I love it and it isn't even everything i thought of, thank you sm for this ask and if anyone else has anything they want to request or questions or anything please send me an ask

Blaise Girl Dad:

When Blaise found out he was going to be a father he was both ecstatic and terrified at the same time

Ecstatic because Merlin I’m going to be a father, I am going to raise a human being from birth into adulthood and help them through as many challenges as possible.

Terrified because Merlin I’m going to be a father, I am going to raise a human being from birth into adulthood and help them through as many challenges as possible.

Because of his own experience with his father (i.e. none), he felt incredibly conflicted

Logically he knew that a parent is a parent. Your job is to raise, protect, love and guide this human being as much as possible without taking away from their life. There are obstacles you won't be able to protect them from and in those times you will have to be the shoulder to cry on. And in turn when they succeed you will be their first and loudest supporter.

He didn’t need to have a father to know that

His mom made sure that (to the best of her ability) he never felt like he was missing something

Emotionally though…

Blaise loves his mother

His mother fawned over him

But there was always a question as to why there was no father in his life

His mother would never take anything or anyone away from him that could bring him joy and as he visited his friends as a four year old, he could see that fathers, just like mothers, should bring happiness to their kids 

When he was a really young he would ask her why he didn't have a father and she would comfort the confused child before explaining that why he may not have a father, to her he as miraculous as the moon, sun and stars and most precious of everything in her eyes

And so when Blaise found out he was going to be a father he made sure to make his child know -just as his mother did with him- that they were everything to him

Holding his baby girl in his arms for the first time was more than enough to reassure him that it was going to be so incredible simple to love his baby

Blaise doesn’t and has never liked the way so many speak of fatherhood

As if its some burden, “babysitting”, that kids need “discipline” and “punishments” for every little toe out of line

That having a daughter was “more difficult” than having a son

He hated being in public carrying his daughter, who was dressed in her favorite baby blue puffy princess dress, and being questioned

“Mom dressed her, eh?” someone's grandpa would ask, shaking his head at the admittedly excessive dress.  “No, I did.” “...” “She is a princess, what else would she be dressed in?” 

His daughter would be fussy and someone would say, “It’s because you spoil her.” 

“Spoiled”

Blaise hates the way people use the word spoiled

Because his baby is spoiled

But people seem to think that means she gets away with everything. Which is not true. 

Being a girl dad has made Blaise realize that people care way too much about the non-important details when it comes to kids. 

No, my daughter is spoiled. She’s a kid who wants to spend extra time on the playground. Time that we have. So yes, Blaise “spoils” her and allows her the extra time. Because why not? 

Being a father has taught Blaise that adults just like to tell kids no.

Blaise is incredibly aware that the time he has with his daughter is limited. She will grow up, she will not be dependent on him always. So yes he “spoils’ her.

Yes she can have another scoop of ice cream.

Yes she can have that plushie.

Yes she can stay up past her bedtime to watch him to some silly magic.

Because one day she isn't going to be five and wants to dress like princess Tiana everyday. 

Merlin, he spoiled her before she was even born. Every piece of furniture in her nursery was built by him, by hand. 

He spent an unholy amount of money on stuffed animals and books she wouldn't be able to truly engage with for years. 

And an even greater amount of money on books about raising a child, psychologically and biologically

Ever since he knew he was going to be a father he has been active in his daughters life and has said that watching his daughter grow is the biggest blessing he’s ever had.

He loves every moment he has with her. 

When she said that she wanted him to be her partner for her ballet performance, he agreed without hesitation.

When she wants to take taekwondo as an eight year old, he signs her up immediately

When she magically turned his hair pink, he laughed beside her.

And this continued on as she grew up.

He felt his eyes water as they stood on Platform 9 ¾ for her first year

“You said you wouldn’t cry”

“I’m not” he did

He’s the kind of parent to send his daughter lavish gift baskets

His daughter never spends Christmas at Hogwarts, if she wants to spend it with her friends they can come over to the Manor too, there's plenty of room

And most importantly, she would never want to spend Christmas at Hogwarts.

His love is not one sided. His daughter loves him back just as much. Nobody is allowed to talk shit about her dad or her grandmother. She will curse them into the next century.

That’s her dad. Her day 1. Her ride or die. She knows that in any situation she can call on him and he will come. 

And it sets up such a lovely understanding of what care and love look like.

The respect, care and autonomy that Blaise allows his daughter allows her to become such a well rounded person. From the moment she could express her opinions, wants and desires, he has respected them and aided her in acting them out/ achieving them.

He will support her till the ends of the earth

(also she is very much best friends with he kids of Blaise's fellow slytherins .... feel like i should say that)

[taylorswiftstylequestions]

Hi Sarah. I am feeling very unwell right now. I have always wanted to be childfree. For a while it felt like that meant no partner either and the pressure from my own mother has also always felt very suffocating. In recent years she has even taken to calling me brainwashed which feels like a knife in my heart and a complete disregard for my own identity and wants. I am 26 now and still don't want children and I met a partner who initially seemed not to want them either, but everytime we see a child now he says "don't you want one someday?" and it feels as if he is slowly trying to change my mind so one day I will. I love him so much, but this is taking such a toll on me. It makes me question if I should just compromise and have a kid in my thirties or leave someone who ticks off every box except that one? Did you ever face pressures like this? Does your mother respect you instead of treating it as an attack on her or making you feel that something is terribly wrong with you? Have you and your partner always been on the same page about it or was there ever a period of confusion like this? I understand if this is all too personal to answer explicitly, but I just felt compelled to ask you since you always have some beautiful insight and helping words for us (and you shine so bright).

Hi friend! Thinking of you - this is such a heavy thing to have weighing on your brain. It's a big and immensely personal life decision - it's a lot to figure out on your own and between yourself and your partner let alone all the added weight of the opinions other people in your life might have on this choice.

My husband (🥰🥰🥰) and I have always gratefully been aligned on our choice about what we want to do as a family and it was something established early on when we were dating. We also still do regular check ins (it comes up intermittently as some of our friends make the choice to have children and we gather to celebrate these additions to their/our lives or have their littles around as part of group events and dinners) even now. "It's so fun watching XYZ grow up - but I'm still confident in our decision to not have one of our own. Are you still sure?" / "Instead of kids, I'm really excited to adopt more cats with you" / "I like the life we've built with us and Allistor as a family. Are you still happy with that?"

My parents inquire about our choice every time I see them and my mom in particular doesn't accept my response about our choice. Despite having consistently given the same answer for at least 6 years - I imagine she still thinks I'm going to change my mind. I anticipate navigating our relationship in the next few years especially to be difficult and emotional.

All that said, there's a lot of nuance and highly personal feelings in this decision. People are absolutely allowed to change their minds about kids. People are absolutely allowed to be resolute and sure in their opinions (yes or no). One partner may be on the fence and the other may be so sure one way or the other and through personal discussions and conversations, you make a compromised choice based on what's right for the two of you. Regardless of where you land, you deserve the freedom to make the choice that you want to make and to be with a partner who respects and aligns with that choice (can confirm it is 100% possible) - and the intricacies of finding that alignment can be validating or devastating depending on where you each land.

I'm sorry I can't be more helpful for you but I recognize and feel you on how immensely difficult this is. I wish you transparent, respectful and open conversations with your partner on this. I'm here for you!

[lionheartslowstart]

POA

Something happened recently that has caused me to confront the fact that I am truly disabled. It's not that I didn't know I was, of course I have since the autism diagnosis, but I really, and I mean really, got hit in the face with it.

I'll explain.

I can't go into too much detail regarding the actual circumstances, but the long and short of it is that I had to give my parents power of attorney in order to solve a housing issue. I trust parents completely and I know it's not something they would ever abuse. They made it clear to me that should I ever want to dissolve it, we could do that, and that the sole purpose for getting it was to avoid any houses issues now and in the future.

We had to go to a lawyer's office to sign the document and have it notarized. It was all very official. Afterwards, I drove home, sat on my bed, and just cried.

When I received the autism diagnosis, I was diagnosed with Level 1 autism. Autism is divided into 3 different levels. However, in my research, these levels seem to pertain strictly to social skills. In this way, yes, I am a Level 1 autistic. But if we're talking about "functionality," I'm not so sure I can qualify as Level 1 anymore. (Seriously, why IS it split by social ability? That's stupid.)

I'm 30 years old, and I'm still financially dependent on my parents. At this point in my life, I can't work a full time job. As a result, I will never be financially independent, and I will never be able to afford housing on my own. I say "at this point," because maybe one day that will change, but I doubt it. And for the record, I count myself lucky I can at least work a part time job, because 85% of autistics can't work at all.

Autism is a developmental disability, and I feel that as I'm getting older, it's become more obvious. Because I'm staying the same. I mean, obviously not completely the same. I've learned and grown and matured, and my friends who have known me for over a decade always comment on how much I've changed, but that's not what I mean. I mean that I feel like an adult and a child at the same time. I mean there are certain things I can't DO, certain things I can't retain or process, because my brain just won't let me. For example, I can't set up health insurance by myself. Every time my mom tries to explain it to me, my brain glazes over. That's the best way I can explain it. And I swear, I am trying SO hard to pay attention. I can't help it. My brain just...won't.

If this is what my life looks like when I'm 30, what is it going to look like when I'm 50? 60? 70? Not good. Not a good quality of life at all.

I'm so jealous of my friends and family. I don't understand how they do it. Even my other autistic friends are able to work full time or go to school full time without incident. (I did go to college full time but I almost ended myself like 3 times and I had to take a LOT of time off throughout.) It makes me feel guilty and bad. Like a loser. A failure. And yes, I know that autism can look different in everyone. I guess this is just one of the ways it affects me personally. But even so, it's painful to watch everyone around you be fully independent, and for whatever reason that's just not you. I mean, I'm independent in other ways. I can live by myself, make my own appointments, work part-time, and form meaningful relationships. I'm really trying to focus on those things instead, but it's been difficult to stay positive. I feel like financial independence is pretty major.

I want to interject here and say that I am insanely grateful to my parents. I know how blessed I am. They are my biggest supporters, both emotionally and financially. They love me so much, and if I didn't have them I'm certain I'd be homeless, probably long dead. I know that most people don't have parents like mine, let alone autistic people. I thank them all the time and tell them how guilty I feel and reassure them that I'm not lazy or spoiled, that I take their support very seriously. And they always assure me that they know, and not to worry about it, and they just want me to be happy.

But I do worry about it. My parents have wasted so much money on keeping me alive, it makes me physically ill. If I wasn't around, they'd have more money in their pockets for other things. They wouldn't have to worry about me all the time. I genuinely feel like they'd be better off without me, at least in the long run.

Like I said, the thoughts have been real dark lately, y'all. I've been extremely depressed since we instated the POA. This is my reality.

I don't know if my friends will still want to be friends with me in 10 years. Even my autistic friends. I don't like that I'll most likely never be financially independent. It is my greatest shame and I wish so badly it wasn't true.

People who insist autism is a fad and that people fake it for attention or whatever can eat my entire ass.

I would do anything, and I mean anything, to not be autistic.

[sqarletsworldlesswandering]

Okay so I realised that we don't talk about Angel, Demon and Co. much so have some silly questions.

Did Angel and Demon survive the conflict? And what was Aven's reaction to meeting one of his creators (I am sure that I heard you mentioned that Demon was one of the starfolks that made Aven).

Also any miscellaneous headcanons for these two?

This is regrettably true, let's fix that.

This got long, so Read More be upon ye-

Did they survive the conflict?

Yep! All of the stars Edda and Aven absorbed survived the conflict. They got spat out with everyone else and returned to their right mind (after waking up, of course).

What was Aven's reaction to meeting one of his creators?

First: Yep, Demon is one of Aven's creators.

Second: Gonna take a moment here to clarify somethin' (I might have said this before, but just in case) - For Starfolk, there's a syntax difference between "parents" and "creators." Flares that turn Roamers have "creators" - two stars who's energy contributed to their being, but that didn't raise them. Flares that become Comlaedi have "parents" because the two stars that made them actively raise them. Aven has a weird situation because of the Conflict. By technicality he was a Roamer and thus has creators, but you could also say that he has a creator and a parent, because the Angel (might retcon this to Ophan) went out of her way to try and protect him, even if she didn't otherwise raise him, while Demon simply did nothing.

As for Aven's reaction, that goes into a lot of different things. The short version is that he wasn't… terribly enthused to interact with that creator. The Angel he was curious, if apprehensive, but towards Demon he was… ambivalent at best. Demon returns the sentiment.

Aven, since creation and even more so ever since approaching Demon's fight, was instinctively (if not consciously) aware that Demon was one of his creators, and as a result the fight with Demon was… difficult. Both physically and emotionally. However, that emotional pain shifted over the fight from "I don't want to kill one of my creators" to "Why does one of my creators want to kill me?" Two very different kinds of hurt.

As if that wasn't enough, Aven had some interaction with Demon pre-Edda as part of the Conflict, insofar as Demon is a commander of sorts among the Dark Starfolk. Demon was a harsh commander at best, and Aven had no strong fondness for him after waking up post-Edda. After Eden, this translates into some serious hesitance to interact with Demon, and - given how their fight went - some outright avoidance because ✨Trauma✨. Influence of the Conflict or not, hearing outright and out loud that one of your creators does not give a rip whether you end up dead and rotting on a pike leaves some pretty nasty psychological scars. Aven as a bit of an emotional breakdown after the fact, and Edda helps him through it. To add insult to injury, Aven feels distinctly icky after absorbing Demon because he can feel his presence and it does not feel good. Luckily, Angel's remaining presence in the Absorption Soup evens out Demon's a bit.

As for Demon himself, he was outright apathetic towards Aven, creator or not. Ambivalent on a good day. In the New Eden, he… sorta softens a little? But not so much that they're interested in building any sort of connection. All the parental relationship ends up being with the Angel, and she is more than happy to mom over Aven (and over Edda too, by association). Unfortunately for Aven, he ran into Demon first, so the second (or maybe third or fourth, depending on early Conflict engagement) major interaction with one of his creators that he actively remembers isn't really... very positive either.

Also, as a general rule, Daemonae aren't… really very good people? Some of them sure seem like it, and many can be generally enjoyable people, but they often have at least one cardinal vice that can make them hard to be around and that they're actively unrepentant of. For some of them, that vice is pretty minor, other times it's more concerning. The kicker is that they don't care to change, and that's what causes problems. For Demon, that translates to a general relational apathy, plus a crushing iron grip over those he commands.

Daemonae are very good at some things, and like anyone they have their own skills and hobbies. But, that comes with an understanding that they generally aren't nice people, and you will most likely get burned. The saving grace is that Ophanim, Cherubim, Seraphim, and some Angels are generally able to handle them and won't get burned (literally or metaphorically).

Another disambiguation just to be safe: Angel that Edda fights and the Angel that is Aven's mom are NOT the same Angel (really need to come up with some names for these gals).

Now for some general headcanons:

Angel:

Vocally, Angel is a high soprano. She's got an ethereal timbre, as per the Angelic Orders in general. That said, she can also make that very screechy and shrill when she wants/when she's angry (G1 Starscream vibes fr-).

She's 13' tall-ish (ain't no one tryna measure that-)

She can fly, but only has the one set of wings.

Her halo is pretty much part of her head, though it can technically be moved around. Only if she does so consciously, though, so you can't just grab it and move it. (No hanging on the halo-)

Along with her other winged compatriots, she lives in an aerial residence, comprised of a collection of "nests." These nests are basically houses, and resemble a weaver bird's nest. Her residence specifically is in the Overgrown Sanctuary (which is being rendered slightly less Overgrown in the New Eden, but "Marginally-Well-Trimmed Sanctuary" doesn't quite roll through the sonar, does it?)

Angel was very much a… reluctant opponent when Edda confronted her. Because of the Conflict, she firmly believed she was in the right, but she was still sad that she had to kill one of her best soldiers, and was actively disappointed in Edda (that… stung Edda. A lot. The equivalent of tears were shed and sobs were had, mid and post fight). Disappointed or not, Angel lamented having to fight her and remained an honorable combatant til the end. I like to consider her a more tragic character.

If, at any point, there was even a sliver of Angel's true mind somewhere in there, that part was well and truly heartbroken to fight Edda, and hoped Edda would live.

Angel also never meets Aven until after the conflict, so when she goes to bombard Edda with a mother bear hug, she's left going "hey who's this guy?" There's also a little bit of the Starfolk analog to "when did you get a boyfriend?"

Angel doesn't quite see Edda as a daughter (while Aven's mom definitely does), so she's the cool aunt, in a way.

Once free, Angel is an absolute sweetheart, and very fun-loving. Also perhaps a touch overbearing, because once she's decided you're part of her flock and under her wing, you are going to get mother-hen'd. Or possibly mother bear'd.

Angel, for all that she's a sweetheart, also leans tough-love (mayhaps not so much as some cherubim and ophanim in the flock, but still). She expresses her affection pretty pragmatically, and will bonk you over the head when you're being stupid.

She often abides by a "play stupid games, win stupid prizes" mentality, and if you decide to play a stupid game and get the stupid prize, she'll laugh at you first, then help you fix it. Or, at least coach you through fixing it. She won't do it for you.

Angels do in fact molt, and boy howdy is that an exercise in patience because she has to employ every ounce of willpower not to be extremely fussy. Lucky for her she has a flock to help her. Well, post conflict at least. Mid conflict? Yeah, very Grouchy. If Demon were around for that, he would have snark to supply, and would get himself nailed with a spear.

Angel feathers have a few different uses - sometimes as quills, elsewise as jewelry, clothing decoration, and some more magical items (dream catchers and protective charms especially. Also occasionally flight-related charms). If you randomly find an Angel feather, that's considered some very good luck. Angels themselves usually collect the feathers they shed and turn them into wearable stuff or the aforementioned magical items, either for themselves or to sell/give. I should also mention they shed some absolutely gargantuan feathers. Some of their primary feathers are significantly longer than the average Wanderer is tall.

In New Eden, Angel works as a doctor (with some smaller assistants because most Starfolk aren't 13 ft tall….)

Demon:

Ah yes. This hot mess.

I'm a little short on headcanons for him at the moment, because I haven't 100% worked out how his fight goes or just what his character is like. I'm not quite satisfied with the below, since I really want to explore the fact that the song playing during his fight is Grand Sorrow.

However, I do have this much, though it's subject to change:

The most vanilla baritone there ever was. He tries to be a bass. He is not a bass. He also can't really sing in general.

He usually stands at around 12'9" because his posture is atrocious (stop slouching you walnut-). At full height, which is practically never, he's about 13'10".

His eyesight is absolute garbage in full light. Can't see diddly for love nor money. In darker or more dimly lit areas he can see okay though.

In relation to the above, Dark Paladin very pointedly got him the Starfolk equivalent of heavy-duty sunglasses. He refuses to wear them unless desperate. Paladin will forever be exasperated.

(By way of side context, Demon and Dark Paladin are… friends? After a certain definition? Post-Conflict they're basically frenemies that occasionally fight like a divorced-and-then-remarried couple, and frequently ask, out loud, "Why are we friends again?", but still stick around for each other anyways and occasionally rediscover why they're friends. If I want to be angsty with it, I may have Paladin eventually come to the conclusion that this is not a friendship worth keeping. If I do it will probably be via the General knocking some sense into him.)

Daemoniae in general are prone to colorblindness. Tritanopia is most common, but some are lucky enough to get away with Tritanomaly. Achromatopsia is rare, but happens occasionally. Lucky for Daemoniae, they have a secondary infrared sight, so there's that.

Demon has no concept of a proper sleep schedule, and is effectively nocturnal. Except when his sleep schedule rotates around the clock and he ends up being awake during the day. He operates on his own, somewhat-longer-than-a-full-day time table that ends up rotating him around the different light levels throughout the year like a rotisserie chicken.

Basically lives in a lava pool somewhere in the bottom of the Scarlet Ravine. Paladin is one of the only people in his life that can tolerate the heat enough to go check on him, and at that can only last for a few minutes.

This guy is a professional Grump and the epitome of "Get off my lawn" An absolute Curmudgeon. A Scrooge. A Grinch, even.

[parad-ice-lostandfound]

Things that come in my head as I play through Diasomnia's chapter (chp 38-55):

[Potential spoilers below darlings, proceed with caution!]

Am I ready for this? Hell no. Do I know I will regret everything? Yes. Am I still gonna try to finish everything in one day? Yep. Let's go!

Ortho??? Calling from RSA??? Is this Idia's dream? Malleus?! Cute to see him taking care of Drago but like the tiny details showing that its actually a dream? And Idia's catching on! Slowly but hey, progress is still progress! It's also nice to see how things could be different if og Ortho was still around.

Where are we? Why are there terrifying ghost like things on the windows? Is this Ramshackle dorm before it became, well, Ramshackle as we know it now? I am so confused now lol– Wait we're in Mickey's room?! How'd we get on the other side of the mirror? We're all having an out of body experience... I dunno how to feel about that tbh.

Silver! My baby's here! And we get to see his UM!

Have I ever told you guys how much I like Malleus' humming? Cause I like it very much. But anyways... we're in cyberspace now...? Oh Ortho! Ortho's awake! Poor baby's trying so hard to wake up his brother.

It's kinda scary seeing how powerful Malleus is. Like, to the point where he can force even Styx issued gear into shut down mode, he's seriously overpowered. Can't wait to see Idia continue the trend and become the hero in this tale, but there's a lot of heart ache we need to go through before we reach that point so, best of luck to all our poor hearts.

I wonder if there's any particular significance to the fact that the time is stopped at 9:18.

So we finally meet Idia's dad, huh? His helmet reminds me of Hades' Helm of Darkness. And we meet his mom as well. A lot of technical stuff and lore drop that went a bit over my head, but it's fine! We'll be fine!

Seems like eccentricity is the middle name of the Shroud family. Then again all geniuses are a bit eccentric. Poor idia, his mom definitely snooped through password protected folders. I would riot if my parents ever snooped through my laptop, so I can't wait for him to wake up and proceed to lose his shit over it lmao

Ortho's Cerberos gear and the two support droids are so cool! The little family moment is cute, but I hope this isn't a death flag for poor Ortho because I've seen too much of that trope– Now we're back with the Prefect! Ngl, Silver's kinda hot when he orders us around.

Dreams are a very tricky subject, so I don't blame Silver for not knowing much about how his UM works. That being said, I'm ready to learn a little more about Sebek, now that we're in his dream. I'm not his biggest fan atm, but... let's see. I'm hoping my perspective on him changes because he seems like a fun character to explore.

.... Something about the way he calls us human just pisses me off lmao. But we will be keeping an open mind. I will come to love you Sebek (yes it is a threat)

I feel terrible for Silver. Imagine looking at people you've known your entire life, two of them people you look up to and one you've trained alongside, and seeing strangers. Strangers who live in a fairy tale, who want you to join them and live happily ever after, sacrificing your freedom and responsibilities of the real world for an ideal ending. Who wouldn't want to take that chance? Making the choice to go against them, for their own good, is the most difficult thing to do in this situation. Raising your weapon against the one you trained your whole life to protect, fighting against someone who was once your comrade-in-arms.... it's terribly heartbreaking. But, hey, at least we got Sebek to wake up.

EHY IS MALLEUS SO FUCKING OP DIFVDHDGDJSVDVDJD B DHFDUSJDHS?!?!?!?!?

We... we're in Lilia's dream now.... brb, gotta get some tissues and get ready for emotional damage–

It's nice to see Silver taking the lead and being the dependable one. Also, General Lilia!! Been waiting for him since I got spoilers back when I was stuck in Ignihyde's book. I love how his hair transitions from being long and having red streaks to short and cute with pink streaks. Long hair is often associated, at least in my culture, with maturity and a sense of responsibility, while short hair is more fun and child-like. Similarly, red is an intense colour, while pink could technically be seen as a softer, gentler cousin to it. It shows Lilia's change from a warrior to caregiver and I think it's really neat. I just wish he could have seen him in a more adult-like form in the past.

[furiousgoldfish]

(28yo anon) thank you for being so understanding. i did freak out a little bit, yeah, sorry about that. i'm always a bit hesitant about complaining or painting him in any negative light, because he does so much for me... he took care of me (i could have been orphaned), he takes care of our place, he cooks, he helps me with difficult situations (like paperwork etc). i essentially live a very sheltered life, my only 'job' is to... do my job, and bring the money in, to be honest. he is the only person i have. and yes, i do think i would still help him, even if i were allowed to socialize and all. he plans on buying the apartment together and it's a good plan, really... so it's not too bad, there is some possibly positive future for me. i'm just a bit nervous about taking a loan out (i'm anxious about debt in general), and about the fact that he will one day die, leaving me in this too-big-for-one-person flat. i would feel very bad about moving out on my own, anyway, i don't want to abandon him...

as you've said, i feel a bit better after just sharing this with anyone, really. apologies for another long-ish message, i wanted to (again) explain my outburst. you were very kind and your reply didn't make me feel worse, i was just unsure about it, that's all. thank you again.

I have to admit that what you describe as your relationship with your father is almost ... well, it's not as much as parent-child, but as partners or spouses even, again I'm talking off of very little detail here, but please look up 'parentification' and see if any of that applies to you. Sometimes parents will depend on you and develop relationships with you as if you're their partner, and not their kid, and if you're in his control and responsible for bringing money in, and you have no say in the matter, that firstly is unhealthy, and second, not very parent-child like.

While it's normal and common for kids to want to help financially struggling parents when they can chip in and make life better, that would and should, always be, on completely voluntary basis, never enforced, pressured, or demanded. Normal parents wouldn't want that.

It's also not healthy to have your father as the only person in your life, and it feels like this wouldn't be so if you had the chance to go out more, socialize, make friends, meet a partner possibly. It sounds like he doesn't want that, and it might mess with your wanting to take a loan out for him - since he's your only person, and you cannot bear lose your only person (none of us can really, when someone has us in their mercy we will do anything for them), you will do anything he asks, even if you're unsure, nervous, seeing negative consequences for yourself.

I think it's pretty normal to have your parent cook for you, want to help you with paperwork, support you financially, without asking you to give up your socializing, your free time, your freedom and friends and social life and possibly relationships. Again I might be completely wrong and if I am, don't worry, these are just theories, they have absolutely no consequences on your real life, whatever I say if it doesn't feel right, you can completely ignore it and trust your senses, after all, you know your situation better than me, and better than anyone. Your word is the last one, always.

But to an outside eye, it seems like your father is interested in keeping you isolated so he could have you as a replacement of a partner or any other kind of support or financial safety he would otherwise have to seek out himself. It sounds like he has issues with not wanting to even risk you having any kind of freedom, because he would have less of a grip and control over you, and that isn't normal, or healthy, and it breaches your human rights. I don't think he should be doing that, and even if it made him uncomfortable to see you be free, you still have the right to freedom. And for him, it would be healthy to seek out company his own age, and to not depend on you completely finance-wise.

It's also not very parent-like to want to put your child in a situation where they might end up in a home that is too big or unaffordable, or having them take out loans they're not comfortable with. It sounds like he's doing a lot to arrange this situation just so you cannot get away from him, have to depend on him, and are stuck with him, until the last day of his life. And that, is unreasonable and selfish.

I feel like I'm running conspiracy theories on your father, I hope you are not offended. I understand he is someone important to you, who you love and depend on, and I do not mean to go against that. Sometimes scrutinizing someone's actions and intentions can seem brutal, but you are in a very brutal situation here, so I'm doing it in such a way as well. Also sorry I freaked you out, again, we're just talking about this, none of this will have any consequences, I could be 100% wrong about everything here, and only you can judge.

[bluravenite]

Can people please put content tags and warnings when they talk about regressed ghouls????

CW: mentions of trauma and abuse, fetishization of age regression, sexual abuse, parenting? Just complaining about people romanticizing age regression, trauma, abuse and treating other mental illness/disorders badly... Also very brief mentions of self harm and eating disorders...

Summary: I'm upset

I feel like people baby ghouls a lot, and while I understand that age reg and little space is a trauma coping mechanism, trust me.. I know... I also just feel like sometimes I open Tumblr to a bunch of people babying ghouls in ways that make me upset...

I think often the way people handle regressed ghouls is by treating them like dumb little babies, instead of the actual procedures that should take place to ensure someone who is regressed is emotionally and physically safe... It's not just about which toys they love playing with, or which sippy cup they use most, it's also not A GATEWAY FOR YOU TO WRITE AGE REGRESSION AS A SEXUAL FETISH, I understand that sometimes when you regress your body may still experience those feelings, but mentally???? It's not going to be safe or enjoyable, cannot consent properly either BECAUSE ITS UNDER A TRAUMA RESPONSE, and also??? It can be even more traumatic and DANGEROUS for a person HANDLING a regressed individual, to engage in sexual acts WITH A REGRESSED INDIVIDUAL

I get that Tumblr used headcanons as comfort, but if you're going to talk about traumatized ghouls experiencing age regression and instead of having people/other ghouls take care of them safely and properly, then I can't stop you but at least TAG THEM PROPERLY??? This goes to mentions of SH and EDS, should not be romanticized... Can it be talked about? Part of a story? Yes, just like it can be part of people's lives and needs to be discussed... But please just don't romanticize it... Don't make regressed ghouls engage in it too if you're not going to properly explain the content and the reasons why it's there.

I have my own way of dealing with small children, age regressed individuals (and littles)... It may not be correct, but it caters towards listening to the individual I am responsible for taking care of...

You don't know what they want or need, you need to talk to them and ask them how they're feeling, how you can help, what they would like, what is safest for them. Get them something of comfort, something for entertainment, and at all costs try to ensure their safety, even if you fail, you can talk them through calming down. I do understand that 1. Children can be difficult sometimes, it depends a lot on the kid... 2. Not all instances will have bad experiences or feelings involved, but sometimes they might, which is why you need to understand age regression is a trauma response... 3. You cannot treat children as dumb brainless babies, AND YOU SHOULD NOT TREAT AGE REGRESSED INDIVIDUALS HAVING TROUBLE PROCESSING EMOTIONS like CHILDREN.

My point being, just try to learn some gentle parenting. It doesn't always work, it doesn't always ensure everyone's safety... Yes you can still have your cute headcanons of things people enjoy and it does not have to be exclusive to age regression...

I have spent entire summers volunteering with special needs and disabled kids, as well as having my own mental issues and disorders and I'm just tired of seeing people treat a lot of them like they're toys to play with and sexualize... And since I know I can't stop anyone from doing that, AT LEAST FOR SATAN'S BELOVED COCK, USE TAGS

[thedarksideofthesuns]

romance and shitttt

the idea of a lifelong partner, a spouse, a husband, a wife, a house, kids, domestic bliss and whatnot stresses me out and depresses me. i feel like wow, a spouse that will drive me away from my friends, my dreams and my independence. i love my friends my dreams and my independence. but the type of treatment i thought i liked within romantic relationships is very intimate, all the time, clingy stuff which really contradicts that.

in my previous relationship i was with someone i thought was perfect for me because he took care of all my needs. at first it was a sweet and fun relationship but due to this partner being so caring and attentive of me i grew codependent, and he grew codepdnent too i think. after breaking up i was devastated due to losing this familliarity and support system. but there was not much spark or whatever... he really really liked me and i thought i liked him but i dont think i truly did which is something i learnt when about 5/6 months after breaking up i started talking to someone else. this new person is not dependable, is unreliable and although he is kind and sweet he is not the most attentive person to go to with your problems. he is not a shoulder to cry on really and i always thought thats what romance is all about: a shoulder to cry on. and yet ive never had such fun with someone im romantically entagled with before. we are not in a relationship which is new to me but i like it because there is no musts and no expectations from either side. he cant expect impossible things from me as people often do, he cant make me feel inadequate and he never ever does. additionally i cant place expectations on him which makes everything chill and non personal. he doesnt do something? i dont take it personal because that just isnt what we have. i feel very at peace with this person in a sense that he just wouldnt be mad at me, he wouldnt nitpick my behaviour, he just wants to spend time with me whenever possible and share whatever we can share with no heavy expectations weighing us down.

and i have learnt a lot from this, first and foremost: patience! i was never patient with people before but now i feel patient and secure that everything is alright even with changes and even with time passing. I have learnt independence through this but also other things that happened in thee 10 months I have known him for- probably craziest 10 months of my life so far. I have learnt to be alone and keep busy and deal with my emotions without needing a romantic partner to complain to. i am closer with my friends and family and with myself because i finally changed my perception of what romantic partners are for!!!!! the media and also a lot of people make it seem like its your partners job to listen to you and heal you and constantly be there for you and yes of course that is true or whatever but thats not on your partner alone!!!!! romantic partners are for romance, for fun, for sex, for unspoken intimacy and understanding, for spoken understanding, for tension, for feelig good and beautiful and sexy and in love!!! not to take care of you. thinking back to whenever my ex boyfriend was incredibly caring of me i was very grateful and happy to have him, and i mourned that heavily when we broke up but i also ended up feeling helpless and small- enabled in my depression even!!!!

So having learnt that what I want from romance is fun and joy, because i deserve fun and joy! I deserve someone who has done the work as i have! One of the main attractive qualities this person has is he has done the work. The first time we met we talked a lot and in one of our conversations in the same breath he admitted all the pain his parents have caused him, how it was not their fault because they have hd difficult lives, how he forgives them but also has boundaries in place to protect himself. i was droolingggg like the maturity GAGGED ME i was so impressed idk... i just love meeting people who have reflected and admitted and done the work.. whereas some others wont even admit they need help and keep boasting about engaging in self destructive behaviour. i want fun and joy, someone who knows, someone who has done the work!

So thinking about a long term partner because i do want that, i think i would just love to have something like that forever maybe. Of course later on in life something more commited since now I feel like I am young and having fun and whilst i think to be totally in love with this person i also love the lack of commitment, my independance and whatnot even if i am not particularly getting with other people. I think i just want a carefree fun and joyous connection where we have fun, go out, chill, giggle while fucking and understand each other with no shame in being seen.

thoughts?!?!!

[stuffedsand]

Wahey milgram oc time my silly guya

013 - Shiratori Masaki

My boy

- 20

- prisoner number 013 (I slapped them into base milgram cuz I don't wanna make a whole new cast)

- to quote my own character notes: cringefail specimen of a man.

-- fun name thing! His first name means "true, hope" hehe

UNDERCOVER

"Under, oh so aware of all that you say

This makes me sick, so please, go away"

Votes (fabricated lmao)

T1 - INNOCENT

T2 - GUILTY

Songs of Prisoners

+T1 – what…what are you talking about?

+T2 – no…you-you’re lying!

Voice trailer (t1)

Oh uh… Shiratori Masaki, that's my name. 20, uni student. Uhh what else … oh, sorry if I forget anything, i, ah, my memory has never been any good

If I'm being honest…I don't know what the hell you're talking about! No one around me has died recently. At least…not as far as I can recall…

*Takai? Takai! Wake up! This isn't funny..!*

Voice trailer (t2)

Hi, Es-kun, how have you been? Ah, Shiratori Masaki. You didn't forget our deal, right?

*Shut up! I don't want to listen to you and your stupid problems anymore!*

Personality

-- a timid yet stubborn man. It is very difficult to change his opinions on things. Polite, but very quick to turn defensive if blame is turned on him.

He can be a prick at times.

Extra notes

-- a man with really bad memory loss. During T1 interro, he makes a deal that he'll take MILGRAM seriously if Es can tell him who his victim is. And he has to believe it

-- not mentioned but his memory loss is a trauma response. Dead bodies are traumatic I don't think that's a contraversial take

-- the indirect murderer of the pair

Full body:

Please note -- his ugly fucking shoes were not an accident he has a horrible fashion sense

014 - Akabane Kazuko

The She

-23

-prisoner number 014

-based off one of my multifandom ocs (and my favourite of the 2)

--fun name thing! Her name means "gentle/kind/harmonious child". 子 is also(apparantly) male specific. I have fun reasons for that

UNDERCOVER

(pardon the artstyle change this was done on my tablet instead of my computer and was. Rushed💀)

Under, I don't care if I'm in the right or wrong

Songs of prisoners

Full of malice, we will waltz to our doom

Votes (edit)

T1 - guilty

T2 - (?)

+t1 – let's get on with it, shall we?

+T2 – ...you're not very good at this.

T1 – voice trailer

Hello. I am Akabane Kazuko. 24. A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Warden.

I am interested in how all this will play out. But nothing will really change the impact of our actions. Remember that, Warden

* My final act… will take your breath away! *

T2 – voice trailer

Good day, Warden. Kazuko, you remember, yes? Seems your choices have caused quite the ruckus.

* You…You know what you've done! I'll make you pay for it!*

Personality

-- a calm and gentle woman. A showman at heart, she is elegant and loves performing magic tricks.

-- some are unsettled by her, but she does her best to be kind and friendly to those she speaks to

Extra notes:

-- Magician coded :)

-- because I can fabricate fan theories, es assumed they killed 2 people in trial one. They have only killed one.

-- the direct murderer of the pair

Full body: (outdated a lil, I changed her vibe. Design still stands)

Please note -- bowling alley socks

Interro qns (please give me some interro questions tho I'm very bad at thinking any up)

Also note: interros are formatted as

--

Question

Kazuko

Masaki

--

Cuz I wrote this when I labelled Kazuko as 001 and Masaki as 002. I'm changing it to reflect their new numbers but editing on Tumblr mobile sucks so I'm not changing the order </3

Q)Tell us your family structure

014 — mother, self, brother,

...it's just me now

013 — parents, me and my twin, Shiratori Takai.

Q)Is there people you hate?

014 — hypocrites.

Don't become one, warden

013 — people who always depend on you

Q)Which prisoner is the most similar to you?

014 – yuzuriha kotoko.

013 – hm...

Probably kayano. He looks like he doesn't know why he's here, too

Q)What was your murder weapon?

014 — what a bold question

It was a bottle.

013 — haha, I'll humour you for this one

Hmmmm...... My words, maybe? I've been told i have quite a sharp tongue

Q)What was your family like?

014 — kind, resilient. They were wonderful. I

loved them

013 — they're ok.

Which prisoner do you get along with the least?

014 — mr mukuhara. Nothing against him, he just reminds me of someone.

013 — …Kusunoki. No reason, but I do wish she'd stop trying to talk to me. It's annoying.

Q)How has your experience been within MILGRAM ?

014 — quite good, considering we're all in here for murder.

013 — uh… good? I still don't believe you saying we're all murderers.

Q)Do you have regrets?

014 — yes. I should have done something sooner

013 — no? I did argue with my brother recently, but it was nothing, really. I'll apologize and everything will be fine

Q)Is there a verdict you hope for?

014) all I hope for is your honest judgement. I want to see how you choose to judge

013) Well, since I don't think I've done anything… I'd hope to be forgiven, of course.

Who was your victim to you?

014) nothing.

013) eh? Warden, I don't know. We made a deal remember? You tell me!

What is your father like?

014) i dont consider him my father.

013) uh…he’s my dad. What more do you want me to say, really...

What do you think of the prisoner paired with you?

014) Shiratori? Not much opinion. I do wonder what he's done to be here, though.

013) Ms Kazuko..? Shes intimidating, if I'm being honest. Not scary, just...intimidating

[wildwoof]

SHIPPING INFO. answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog.

feli note: gonna include as many of my muses as I can, so will include side blogs as well.

what’s your OTP for your muse(s)?

Well.... Koga is ReiKoga, Jun is HiyoJun & Chiaki is MidoChia. My OCs do not have OTPs as they are fandomless with no connections. I try not to let my OTPs show too much on my RP blogs as I don't wanna make them seem like they influence my shipping choices on my blog or that I'm gonna force them onto others, but... this is what they are.

what are you willing to RP when it comes to shipping?

I am very open to a lot of stuff!! I do personally find it difficult to keep up the ex-lovers trope when it comes to ships as I am very much more a sucker for the cute & sweet. I am also open to polycules when it comes to my shipping! Though, all parties involved MUST be accepting of it. If you have an idea, just toss it my way. I'm very chill about a lot of stuff.

how large does the age gap have to be to make it uncomfortable?

It depends. This more-so is angled toward muses that are immortal or supernatural. If your character is just a normal guy or gal, then once you hit 10 years+ age gap, it starts to get uncomfortable. This pertains mainly to my OCs. If your immortal/supernatural muse has an appearance 10 years older than mine, I also tend to steer clear for romance. Just weirds me out the larger the age gap, even if there's consent. NOW for my enstars muses, Koga, Jun, & Chiaki - it is limited. I already have this set in my rules to not make things uncomfortable for a lot of people as they are 18/19, just graduates, in the enstars universe. Yes, they are those ages. They are not aged up. Just wanted to clarify this is solely for romantic/friendships. If it's parental/teacher sort of ship then age gaps are fine regardless.

are you selective when shipping?

A bit, yes! I am big into shipping tbh, BUT from a lot of prior situations, I am also extremely hesitant for ships. Platonic ships??? Absolutely no hesitation. I am not selective in the slightest bit. They can be friends like immediately after 1 interaction. I will give you my arm. For romantic ships??? Yes. I am very unlikely to ask because I get very hesitant. I love love writing cute, shippy stuff like kisses & cuddled but I get very hesitant with it. Tho, more than not, I quietly reach out to ship.

how far do steamy moments have to go before they’re considered NSFW?

Once there's legit touching of private parts, or if undressing comes first before that moment. Dry humping & grinding is in more of the suggestive territory, unless again, if there's undressing. Once the clothes are off, it's definitely NSFW. Any touching of privates even if the clothes are still on, that's NSFW. Just making out & bodies just against each other, that's suggestive.

does one have to ask to ship with you?

You can!!! If you require the asking as a shipper, then yes. If you feel like we have a ship starting to go without the asking, we can make it clear through asking. Sometimes I DO just end up shipping even without the clarified "do you wanna ship?" "yeah!" because things just CLICK which I am cool with.

how often do you like to ship?

I..... do love shipping. I'd love to ship more often. Of course platonic stuff just flows so easily. But I am a sucker for the cute romantic stuff that I do not actually hold myself back a lot of the time. If you want to just kiss my muses, I will not say no. It's a little bit harder with my enstars boys in comparison to my OCs but... ya know... ship with my boys.

are you multiship?

I am indeed multiship!! But my romantic ships are limited!! I will have 1 main ship partner for each character, whom I will reference when there are no specifications. I will also generally have a secondary main position available. I DO feel a bit bad to limit myself when everyone writes their characters a bit differently, so I generally do not take on exclusives. If I do take on an exclusive, I do try to make it clear!!! I just prefer main over exclusive except for really close friends of mine. There are no mains in ships on my OCs tho, everything is equally fair game for them. It's just shipping canon with canon that I mentally do this for myself.

are you ship obsessed or ship more-or-less?

I'm in between. I love ships, BUT I do tend to ship more or less ultimately. Roleplay opens me up to more potential ships when interacting with someone gets my interests going. But I do... tend to... not talk about too many ships or show too many ships. I have a few set ships I'm interested in, but I put that all aside for rp to give everyone a chance to ship with my characters!!! I am ship obsessed with my OCs tho if I ever get back to writing them. Just love all of them. Give them all love. They're all plenty old enough.

what is your favorite ship in your current fandom?

Well..... I already discussed that at the beginning of this. My favorite ship is ReiKoga presently, when it comes to shippy stuff they have taken over my brain. HiyoJun is close behind. But I am also big on polyUNDEAD ( Rei/Kaoru/Adonis x Koga ) & polyEden ( NagiHiyoIbaJun ).

finally, how does one ship with you?

Uhhhhhhhhhh... send me memes. I'm not the best at chatting & keeping conversations going but uhhhhh... just send me stuff & like that's the easiest way. Or comment on my stuff I post & usually that can build my interest as well. While I am hesitant to propose a question due to past experiences, I am very willing if the offer presents itself.

[sionisjaune]

present day brocedes r like we need to have a carefully planned out casual threesome to prove we're ready to be parents (the step before Lewis joins the coparenting with Nico and Vivian)

cause if u can't even take care of a third person without it getting messy howre u gonna handle christmas in monaco new years in LA

Ok I am seriously thinking about the logistics of mick/lewis/nico fic and... on one hand the easiest way to make it work is if the mick/nico/lewis is just a transient thing on the way to a nico/lewis endgame. BUT in my mind I have set up a nico/lewis that are actually functional and mindful of other people (insane thing to consider). So YES as per usual you are right and a giant genius BUT on the other hand if I were to do mick/lewis/nico I would want the relationship to be travelling towards its own endgame. The problem of course is that I cannot imagine what that endgame would like like because mick/lewis/nico has no precedent or canon that I can work with...

ALSO (under the cut because this is only kind of related), now that I'm on my brocedes in 2023 soapbox, I want to talk about one of the main obstacles to brocedes endgame (at least as I see it).

Lewis has expressed a strong desire to HAVE KIDS. And RAISE HIS FAMILY IN THE HOUSE IN COLORADO. Nico on the other hand has already had two children who are installed in Monaco, and for the sake of brocedes endgame he must be a GOOD FATHER. If Lewis values family, there is no way that he (as he is now) could justify being with a Nico that is a negligent father. So okay. Lewis wants to have kids. Nico already has kids. There is no mpreg in this universe (sorry everyone). There are a few solutions that each have their own merits and weaknesses.

Lewis becomes a co-parent of Nico's children with Vivian

Lewis and Nico adopt* children together

Lewis adopts* children on his own

Lewis does not become a parent

*Or surrogacy etc.

Solution 4 is sad (to me). Of course there is nothing wrong with never having children--but Lewis seems to want to have children. Also it means putting Nico above his own aspirations, which is against the point of a thoughtful brocedes endgame.

Solution 3 is something that I just thought of and which makes the most sense to me--and it also means that Lewis's relationship with his children and ability to parent are somewhat separated from Nico--which might be easier for a number of reasons. Lewis comes from a blended family himself, so this might appeal to him too. At the same time, when I think of brocedes I think of a HUGE GIGANTIC LOVE. Love that makes you want to do everything together all of the time. So I think they would both be involved in the parenting of Lewis's kid. The problem here, which is also the problem with solution 2, is... does Nico want more kids?

Solution 2 is idyllic... but as I mentioned it is not clear whether Nico wants more children. He said in the past that he wanted a "football team" of kids, but he seems to have stopped with two. Also his daughters are still reasonably young--and if we imagine that he and Vivian have a strong relationship post divorce, it seems problematic for him to suddenly have more children who require more care if he is also going to continue parenting his existing children. It could be done but it would be a decision that would also depend on Vivian in my mind!

Solution 1 is the most intuitive and yet it faces similar problems to solution 2. Vivian would have to be involved. Nico cannot simply offer his children to Lewis. And the Lewis & Vivian relationship that would have to exist is very difficult for me to imagine. I suppose that they know each other to some degree already but it is still tough for me to work out... Also logistically can same-sex couples adopt in Monaco? Would it be possible (in a social sense) to raise children as a same-sex couple in Monaco? Would Nico leave Monaco (and Vivian and his existing children) for Lewis? (Probably not.)

The final thing that I want to say about brocedes endgame--especially because I imagine it from Lewis's point of view--is that I am very careful to avoid creating situations that stick either of them in a permanent position of advantage. The various advantages that either of them have held (we are talking about race and class issues as well as advantage on track) have been the factors that have created the problems with brocedes in the past... and in order for brocedes endgame to work there needs to be a space where both can be/become themselves without bending to the other's advantage.

OK I'M DONE LOL!!! I did very much enjoy thinking about this although it is barely what Misa asked about.

[heartshattering]

I feel like I've messed my health up and there's no going back.

Yes, I took NSAIDs to deal with chronic headaches and migraines, TMJ pain, endometriosis cramps, and back pain, because 1 - a previous doctor who didn't want to give me anything else for the pain told me it was fine, 2 - I stopped being able to go to physical therapy, and 3 - I was balancing trying to graduate while being the caregiver of my terminally ill grandma in her last stages of life and didn't have time to practice other pain relief techniques.

Yes, I eat basically every food on those "Top Worst Foods for Digestive Issues" lists, because I don't have time to make a special meal every time I'm hungry while I'm taking care of my mom. Yeah, eating greasy chips and double stuffed Oreos and chocolate and other things I don't have to cook isn't good for me and I know I have trigger foods and should be following one of those low FODMAP diets and spend time meal-planning or whatever but I feel like I can't get my life in order. I struggle so hard to stay on top of other things, I don't want to obsess over every single thing I eat and have to cook 3 special meals a day for myself every day.

Yes, I overdo it with caffeine. It's a shitty dependency I've had for a long time which led me to having to see a pediatric cardiologist and get prescribed heart meds since before I was even in high school. I've been hospitalized for heart arrhythmias in my 20s and I still take too much caffeine because I'm always tired, sick, can't focus, and the doctor told me I couldn't take stimulant medication for ADHD because of my history of heart issues. Add on top of that the fact I have two parents from the "We don't believe in ADHD, young people just need to focus better" generation. So I fuck myself up with massive amounts of caffeine instead because that totally makes sense. And (surprise surprise) caffeine is another thing you aren't supposed to take when you have IBS (and almost every other health issue I have). But I do it anyway.

Going on sleep meds wasn't ideal. I have stopped other ones before and I'm weaning off my current one. But doctors still blame me for having taken them in the first place, don't see how much effort I put into gradually trying to sleep more naturally again, and just assume the worst from me and say I'm doing reckless shit like drinking alcohol while on sleep meds or driving after taking them (I don't do either of those things, on or off meds, but especially not on them). As soon as doctors find out about my home life and things like my mom being paralyzed and the fact I lost four of my family members in one year, they automatically think I'm abusing the sleep meds and lecture me on stuff like "Doing that isn't going to fix your grief/depression :/" and don't understand how difficult sleeping while dealing with severe OCD phobias and compulsions that get worse at nighttime is.

I stay up late because I can hardly get any work done during the daytime. I can only follow a sleep routine for so long until I run into a night where I have to catch up with my work because my aunt randomly stayed for a week, or my mom had an emergency, or whatever else. Same used to happen when I was a student taking care of my grandma, too. I suck at managing my time and I'm constantly overwhelmed, I feel like at any second I'm going to mess everything up and disappoint everyone.

I know I haven't been great to myself and that I have all sorts of habits that haven't been ideal but it's just been so hard to get help. I was made to leave the local psychiatric center because my problems were considered "too severe" for them to handle. It feels like no one wants to deal with me and that they just see me as a lost cause even though I'm trying. Really, I am trying. It's just so hard and I feel like too much of a mess all the time.