#and i had a minor procedure last monday

[south-sea]

provided nothing else goes catastrophically wrong, i am officially back in business ✌️

[allowed-to-take-up-space]

.

[sadesluvr]

Black Christmas - S. Raglan x Reader x M. Schmidt

Mike’s job as a park ranger becomes interesting when a mysterious couple stay five nights in a winter lodge.

A/N: HOLY FUCK. This is my longest and most tiring fic in a while (for all the right reasons) and I’m really excited to share it with you! It was loosely inspired by the req and work by @dilfbabie (HERE) but this has a festive, darker spin. This is for the people who voted for a Steve/William aligned reader, and is porn with plot. Further details in the tags, but this is reminiscent of a Jordan Peele film (aka the best kind of film), so dark themes lie ahead. I really hope you all enjoy it, consider it a Christmas gift ;)

Word count: 5.3K

Tags: SMUT (Porn with plot) / Slow burn / Fem! Reader / Threesome / Brief mentions of abuse / Alcohol usage / Oral sex, male receiving / Fingering / Blowjobs / Voyeurism / Cowgirl (position) / Unprotected sex / Creampies / Psychological manipulation / Deception / Dub-Con (if you squint) / Cheating --- MINORS DNI

MONDAY

Mike had grown to find that being a park ranger was far more amusing than working as mall security. He loved being surrounded by the natural world, and the relatively isolated nature of the job - outside of being with his colleagues - meant that he had time alone. Time to think.

It was even more enjoyable in the winter, specifically the Christmas period, where he revelled in the contrast of the bustle of the shopping district with the tranquil sightings of caribou and squirrels.

It was standard procedure for the rangers to meet the guests of the lodges they inhabited, simply as an act of trust building. Today was no different, except for the fact that he was standing at the door of one of the largest and lavish buildings in the resort, which only meant one thing…Snobby, rich inhabitants.

When you answered the door, your lips parted in a brief moment of shock, adjusting your relaxed posture so that you were upright. 

“Hi…” you said, an unplaced smile appearing on the corner of your lips. “Can I help you Officer…?”

“Mike,” he quickly added. “I’m sure you’ve seen me in the pamphlet, but I’m your designated ranger for this district. I’m here for your safety,”

You seemed somewhat confused at this, but also rather appreciative.

“Thanks…” you replied, absentmindedly fiddling with your necklace. “We— Uh, we haven’t looked at that much yet, actually…”

Mike nodded. You’d probably just moved in, likely more desperate for a shower and a nap than read pages of menial information. 

“My pager codes should be taped to the wall in the kitchen. Outside of patrols and emergencies — weather, rabid animals, that sort of thing — I’ll shouldn’t be in your hair,”

You cocked your head, seemingly interested in something about him. He was cute; boyish in contrast to his position that was usually reserved for those with blatant machismo. You wondered how he got it in the first place.

You nodded back, fingers lingering on the door as you swung it. “Oh, well that’s great, thank —“

“Babe? Who is that? You’re taking an awful while to — Oh, hello Officer…?”

Your interaction was interrupted by an older, taller man who emerged from the stairs behind you. He was dressed in an off-yellow utility suit - likely for skiing - in which a purple sweater peeked out from underneath. His hair was groomed and he wore large, slightly out of fashion glasses. He rested an arm above you, leaning it on the doorframe, and Mike squinted as he noticed that you’d shifted uncomfortably at the movement before trying to compose yourself.

He was lost in his thoughts, temporarily oblivious to the fact that the man was staring at him expectedly. 

“ — Mike, “ he stammered, giving the man his name.

“Your badge says Michael,” he replied, matter of factly.

“I prefer Mike,”

“Hm,” the man mused, the grumble seemingly coming from the depths of his chest. “That’s odd. Usually you guys are referred to by your last name…”

Mike wasn’t sure about you, but this mysterious man was definitely a rich asshole. They always assumed they knew everything. 

“It’s Schimdt — Michael Schmidt…but please, Mike is fine,” he replied, shifting his weight and pursing his lips. Strangely, the man’s blue eyes widened, and he cocked his head, softening his demeanour. Your gaze was fixed to the floor uncomfortably, and Mike could only decipher that you were embarrassed by the man’s insistence. The entire thing was borderline uncomfortable.

Yet, at that moment, he smiled.

“The name’s Steve,” he perked up, extending his hand for the smaller man to shake. He took it, and the man’s grip was firm and assuring, leading Mike to believe that he was some kind of businessman.

“Thank you, Mike,” continued sincerely, his voice noticeably soft. “Hopefully we’ll see you around then,”

Mike blinked and glanced at you. You were still, almost motionless, with Steve protectively hovering over you. He could tell he’d interrupted something.

“You too,” he replied, beginning to back away as he shoved his hands into his pockets. “Happy holidays.”

TUESDAY 

During the ins and outs of his job, Mike had been trying to rack his brain, wondering if he’d ever come across this ‘Steve’ before, but to no avail. Perhaps he’d just gotten the wrong person. Michael was a very common name, after all.

He wondered about you, though. You were certainly younger than him, and although he’d come across his share of problematic couples, there was something far more striking about you than the rest. Steve’s authoritarian presence, coupled with your seemingly shy, introverted own, was usually a cocktail that led to disaster. He wasn’t a cop, but it wouldn’t hurt to keep tabs on you, would it?

It seemed that the time would come quicker than expected. The next morning he’d received a ‘111’ message from your residence, and hadn’t wasted time in making his way up to see you.

Upon being let in, he quickly found out that you were alone, with Steve having run out for groceries. Apparently, you’d been hearing ‘rattling and shaking’ in the vents, and simply feared being home alone with the threat of a robbery looming over your head. He’d checked the vents, scoping the interior out for signs of damage or entry, quickly finding out that badger had made a home inside the walls, earning a good chuckle from the pair of you.

“I’m so embarrassed!” you’d gushed, and Mike had smiled slightly at your flustered demeanour. You were dressed rather nicely for an early morning, in a chic turtleneck, pants and a pair of Moon Boots. It didn’t take a genius to decipher that you either came from, or was in contact with a lot of money.

“No problem…” he chuckled, feeling the quiet instinct to pry. “So, Steve just left you here, even with the threat of an intruder?”

Your shoulders visibly dropped at the fact. 

“Pretty much…” you sighed, masking your nervous energy by removing a mug from the coffee machine, pouring some fixings into the liquid before taking a sip, exhaling deeply.

“I know what you’re thinking,” you sighed, and Mike stiffened at the way you were so sincere, eyes locked on his own as you seemingly read his mind. “You have a point, but I like that he doesn’t baby me. But it does scare the shit out of me, knowing that we’re basically in the wilderness. Anything could happen…!”

He nodded.

“Well, you’re more likely to be attacked by kids at Santa’s Grotto than a bear,” he laughed. “I wouldn’t worry…”

You smiled, gaze unwavering as you sipped the drink, admiring the rich taste on your tongue. It was as if you were a siren, beckoning him towards you with an indescribable aura. There was more you wanted to say, but you couldn’t say it.

Biting the bullet, he cleared his throat. 

“Hey — This may not be my place, but is everything okay? When he came down the other day I saw you tense up,” Mike finished, and you let out a low hum as you contemplated the implications of his statement.

“We’re having a few issues,” you said, rolling your eyes, apparently brushing the situation off. “We’d been arguing a lot back home, and he booked this trip so we could regroup and stuff. I’m grateful, and I might even love him – but it doesn’t make me any less paranoid. I never know how he’s feeling, y’know? He’s a bit off sometimes…”

‘Off’. 

That was certainly one way to put it, Mike thought.

“...Does he hurt you?”

“God no,” you insisted. “He’s just — Well, let’s just say that he’s not all that open about his past,”

Silence. 

Mike let out a deep breath and placed his hands on his hips, musing on what you could’ve meant. He averted his gaze to glance around the cabin. It was rather lush, with floor to ceiling windows, marble countertops and rich oak accents; perhaps you were living beyond your means? Every item in his sight seemed relatively normal, blankets, keys, even a small Christmas tree with a few presents underneath. Still, it meant nothing. After all, nobody kept their secrets on display - no, those kinds of things were reserved for a bedroom…Or basement. Or the trunk of a car. Or in the psychological prison of the mind.

“…I should finish getting ready,” your voice interjected. “Thanks for the help, Mike,” you said sweetly, and he nodded before turning around and making his way to let himself out. As he placed a foot down the first step, something turned him around, and he was shocked to see that you weren’t far behind him. He hadn’t heard you follow him.

“By the way —“ he said, clearing his throat again. “I’m doing a patrol on Thursday, so I’ll be around…Just if you need to talk…”

He hoped he wasn’t being too forward.

You smiled, and this time Mike could see the emotion in your eyes.

“Good to know,”

WEDNESDAY 

One of the best things about the job were the treetop viewing platforms. It gave a 360 view of the resort, and Mike was able to see near and far with his pair of binoculars. It was certainly a task that Abby would’ve loved, if she were ever allowed to see him work.

On this particular morning, he was scoping out the usuals - people on the slopes, those taking photos, and the general assortment of vehicles that came in and out of the building. Still, he found himself looking westward toward the lodging you were living in. Call it paranoia, or call it doing his duty, he couldn’t pry himself from the familiar outline of the building.

All seemed normal, until he’d focused on the top window, the largest one of the house that sat behind a balcony. There was no sign of you on the outside, other than the table and chairs, but it was what was enclosed behind that glass that worried him.

Sure enough, you and Steve were there. He couldn’t make out from the resolution, but your face was pressed to the glass, with Steve behind you, clearly leaving little room for you to move. Mike felt his chest constrict, tongue swiping over his lips as he zoomed in, silently praying that you weren’t being hurt.

It turned out that hurt was the complete opposite of what you were undergoing. There you were; totally nude with Steve’s large arms around your throat, kissing your neck as he jerked, your body writhing about as he did. Mike knew all too well what you were doing, and it didn’t take long for the blood to rush from his cheeks to his cock, praying that his growing bulge wouldn’t be visible to anyone. 

Your eyes were half lidded as you scrambled to hold onto something, and Mike couldn’t help but wonder what your moans sounded like. Were you a screamer or a whimperer? Judging by the way the older man was ravishing you, it seemed to be somewhere in between the two.

Swallowing, he lowered the binoculars, pinching the bridge of his nose as he contemplated what he’d just done. There was no ridding the image from his mind, certainly not when he’d taken in every crevice of your body. He sighed, shoving his hands into his pockets to try to suppress his base urges, storing the image securely for later.

THURSDAY 

Mike rubbed his eyes as he slid into the company car, ready to do his rounds. He hadn’t gotten much sleep last night. 

His grip remained firm on the steering wheel, carefully navigating the elevated roads. A fresh layer of snow had settled over the past day, and the last thing he needed was to skid off into the trees. It was funny that the winter wonderland around him couldn’t mask the fact it was in a place like this where his family’s life had been turned upside down — where his brother had been cruelly and callously taken…All under his watch.

Sometimes he couldn’t live with himself.

He was at the bottom of the final stretch of lodges when he noticed two figures trudging down the hill. Their arms were outstretched and faces scrunched - and Mike recognised you instantly. Steve was following after you whilst your arms were crossed, clearly having a temper tantrum of some kind. Squinting, he tried to make himself unnoticeable as he listened in.

“I don’t understand why you wouldn’t want me to see her! I love kids!”

“It’s not that I don’t want you to see her, it’s just — Well, it’s not that easy…”

“How could this be difficult? I’m your girlfriend. She’s your daughter. Someday we’ll have to cross paths, right? Unless I’m some silly fling to you…”

“You’re not, okay? You know I love you. It’s complicated - Vanessa, she’s a little volatile —“

“I wonder where she gets that from,”

Frowning, Mike came out of the car, slamming the door with force to alert the two of you. He crossed his arms around his chest, scatters of snow crunching under his boots as he made his way towards you.

“Is there a problem?” 

“Mike,” Steve said, any specific emotion unreadable in his voice. He looked the man up and down as if to intimidate, but Mike didn’t budge. “…What’re you doing here?”

“My job,” He said sternly, to which you smirked. His eyes darted between the two of you, and he cocked his head. “Is there an issue here, or?”

Steve cast you a frosty glare, to which you rolled your eyes. Shaking yourself off, you assumed a stricter posture before focusing your attention onto the smaller man in front of you.

“Mike —“ you said, matter of factly. “Be a dear and give me a ride to the leisure centre. I need a masseuse… I have a knot that just won’t go away,”

There was nothing but fury in Steve’s eyes as Mike nodded, stepping to the side to allow you to pass through to the vehicle. As he opened the passenger door for you, he could feel the older man’s stare, burning a hole in his neck and seeping out his insides. Shutting the door, he walked round to the other side of the car, jaw ticking and lips pulled into a straight line. He barely knew Steve, but what he did know was that he was an asshole.

The car ride was silent for all of two minutes when Mike perked up, clearing his throat whilst his eyes remained on the road. He’d only snuck occasional glances at your thighs, and even then he was unable to rid the image of you nude.

“…Who’s Vanessa?”

You scoffed, slumping back in your seat as you lay your head against the car window.

“So you did hear,” you chuckled defeatedly. “His daughter. He doesn’t want me to see her,”

“Oh,” was all Mike could say, and he decided to let you draw the emotion out of your body yourself.

“I hate when he does this!” You exclaimed, arms folded. “He makes me feel so dirty! Like, what the fuck is he saying? That I’m not good enough to meet her?!”

“I’m sure that’s not the case…” Mike said softly. “I mean, if it were down to me, I know I’d love for my daughter and girlfriend to hang out, especially during the holidays,”

The statement caused you to smile, and you shook your head defeatedly. 

“I’m shacking it up with her father during the best time of year…” you said incredulously, looking out onto the icy white paradise around you. “She probably hates me…”

The thought of a girl being without her father on Christmas was enough to make you sob, salty tears pricking your eyes and eventually running down your cheeks. Covering your mouth, you let out a little whimper that alerted Mike, his kind brown eyes briefly leaving the road to watch your face. He wasted no time in pulling over, making sure the car was locked in position before he placed an arm on your shoulder, the sudden contact making you break down even more. Before he knew it, you were crying on his shoulder, hiding your face in the fleece-like insides of his jacket. The man remained quiet, but rubbed your back, narrowing his eyes as he tried to piece together your relationship.

He was beginning to lose himself in your scent when you pulled away, eyes red and slightly watery. Your faces were close, and you stared at him in a way that both made him feel guilty and aroused, eyes wide but enigmatic. He followed your gaze to his lips, and he slowly parted his own to exhale, hyper aware of the way his heart was pounding in his chest.

Brushing your fingertips across his cheeks, you leaned up to plant a kiss on his lips, your taste bittersweet as you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him deeper. He certainly hoped Steve wasn’t close behind, as he didn’t let go, instead parting his lips to whisper your name as your tongues began to dance against the others’. His hands were all over your body, and he was fairly certain that your hand had made his way to his pelvis, threatening to brush his cock.

He cursed himself when he gasped at the motion, which had caused you to pull away. As if you’d been under a spell, you felt flushed, stuck between wanting to leave the car and staying with Michael.

“Thank you…” you whispered, glancing down before looking out of the windshield. The reception to the rest of the resort wasn’t far from here, and you decided you needed to clear your head. “You’re a great guy, Mike.”

FRIDAY

It had been twelve hours since you’d shared a kiss with Mike, and he was beginning to think he’d known you forever. He couldn’t get it out of his mind, even when they’d received a severe weather warning at midday. Needless to say, he was excited to ring your particular lodge…Just as long as Steve didn’t answer.

“Hey, it’s Mike…We’re expecting a snowstorm in a couple of hours and we’re instituting a 7PM curfew,”

“Shit…Really?” You’d said, somewhat muffled, and Mike could hear you biting down on the fingertips of your thumb. “ I didn’t hear anything about this — Steve’s down at the casino…”

“I’m sure word will get to him,” he insisted. “Stay safe —“

“Wait, Mike? C-Can you come over? I want to make sure everything’s reinforced…”

It was apparent that you and Mike both knew that the lodges, especially the ones you were living in, were more than secure. You’d smiled and let out an exasperated, somewhat overdramatic ‘Thanks’, and had clasped your hands in front of you, leisurely strolling around the building as he confirmed the obvious. You seemed more free, whimsical even, dressed in a deep red couture tracksuit, perfectly painted toes on display. Perhaps the kiss, and Steve’s absence, had brought out the real you.

He didn’t know he could have such an effect on someone. 

As he clicked off his flashlight, he smirked at you, to which you returned, and drummed his hand on the countertops.

“Is everything okay, Officer?” you lulled.

“A-Ok,” he hummed, watching as you walked closer towards him, a mischievous grin in your eye. He froze slightly when you wrapped your arms around his neck, pressing your body against his front, but found himself relaxing into your touch, his own hands finding your hips.

“We have the house to ourselves…” you purred, beginning to stroke the back of his neck, causing him to twitch. He was simply too cute. “…And the view is lovely. But the company’s better…”

He nodded, lost in the way you began to pepper kisses to his neck and breath gently into his ear, that he hadn’t realised that the snow was beginning to fall…and it wasn’t about to stop.

“Shit…” he said under his breath, ruining the mood as he scrambled for his radio. He should’ve been back to the base a while ago.

“This is Mike calling in. The storm came in earlier than expected. I’m holed in at Lodge 305 waiting it out,”

“Received,” the static said. “Keep us updated.”

You could barely contain your enthusiasm at the fact, and Mike chuckled as you excitedly raced to the wine cabinet. It was going to be an interesting few hours.

LATER 

“…Part of me hopes Steve never comes back,” you slurred, wine bottle in hand as you sprawled out on the king bed, your tracksuit top since stripped, leaving you in a vest. It was obvious to Mike that you weren’t wearing a bra underneath, neither. 

Mike snickered.

“You’re still mad at him?”

“Yup,” you said, popping your ‘P’. “Asshole tried to propose to me at dinner yesterday. I said no,”

He was astonished that you said it so casually.

“Woah…”

“I know,” you grinned. “Wine?”

He looked up at you uncertainly. Not necessarily because it was wrong, but because he had no idea where the night would lead him if he took even as much as a sip. “I-I can’t, I’m on the job,”

“Just a little?” You whined. “For me?”

You watched him intently as he gave in, sipping the drink and holding it on his tongue. When he realised you were staring at him, you broke into a smile, edging closer to him on the bed.

“I love that you take your job so seriously,” you cheesed, running your finger down his arm.   “Was this a boyhood dream?”

“Far from it,”

“Hm,” you said curiously, cocking your head. You’d been trying to figure Mike out for a while now. “So what’s the goal?” 

“Dunno,” he shrugged. “Just to see my sister happy, I guess,”

Your heart fluttered, and there was an incomparable sensation in your loins, biting up towards your stomach. Whether it was the alcohol, the heating, or something else - your body swelled, and you couldn’t hold back anymore.

“You’re so sweet,” you cooed, in that oh-so famously position in front of his face, arms entangled in his.  “I love that about you, Mike,”

“Love?”

“I wish all guys were like you,” was all you said, and you thrust yourself on top of him, his back flat against the mattress. He didn’t stop you; letting you take charge as you straddled his torso, pressing your breasts against his chest as his hands found your body. He was insatiable, greedy yet very needy, and found himself succumbing to your every whim. 

Mike let out a whimper as you rubbed yourself gently along his clothed cock, growing irritated at the layer of fabric between you two. You nipped at his ear and giggled, dancing your hands along his body before you reached his bulge, giving it a gentle squeeze before you went back to teasing him with your hips.

“D’ya want me, Mike?” you purred. “Say the word and I’ll be yours…”

“Mmfh…” he grumbled, trying and failing to pull himself away from you, particularly as his hands found your hardening nipples, desperate to take one between his teeth. “What about Steve?” He said from below you. “I could get fired, I —“

Cupping his face in your hands, you stared him down, voice almost emotionless as you spoke.

“Mike, you may not know it, but when you’re rich, you can get away with anything…”

That was enough confirmation as he needed as he arched his back, angling himself up into your kiss. He was both surprised and aroused at how firm your grip was on him, legs quite literally locking him down below you. Your wanting mouth was wide as your chest heaved, grinning down at him as you slid your arm back, down his pants to touch his hardened cock. 

Mike shut his eyes and groaned as you tugged on him, expertly sliding your hips down his body, fixing yourself into position so that you were level his penis, your ass in his face.

“Touch me, Mike,” you slurred as you took him in your mouth, giddy as he pulled down your sweats a crack so that he could massage your ass, fingers lingering by your lacy underwear. His touch sent chills down your spine, prompting you to take him further, tongue flat against the underside of his organ. His index finger slipped into your crevice, stroking your walls before he slid a finger into your pussy, making you whimper. It had been so long since Mike had been touched - and had touched someone in such a way - that he wasn’t planning on letting go of the feeling any time soon.

Even if your boyfriend came in.

“Babe? I’m sorry, I got caught up in —“ 

“Steve!” You said sweetly, releasing Mike from your mouth with a ‘pop’. “How nice of you to join us!”

The wording struck Michael as odd, but he chalked it down to the thick layer of condescension in your voice. 

Steve stared right past you and towards Mike, narrowing his eyes. The younger man swallowed, wanting to push you off of him, but found himself drawn to the silent aura of the man, much more the way a bulge was visible in his pants also. 

“I can explain—“ he stammered, exasperated as you played with him in your hands, index finger and thumb squeezing the tip as your eyes darted between the two men. How were you so relaxed about this?

“No need to worry about it, Mike,” Steve said, his tone surprisingly sympathetic as he zipped down his own pants. “I don’t mind sharing her...In fact, I love showing my darling off,” he grinned, almost sadistically as he bared his teeth and dimples. Steve placed his larger, calloused hands on your neck, his thumb brushing your cheek affectionately as he did. Mike felt somewhat betrayed by the way there was a glint of happiness in your eye; much more the way he pulled you into a sloppy, passionate kiss as you stroked the older man instead of him.

Once the pair of you pulled apart, his blue eyes were clouded with lust as he patted your cheek, thumb tracing your lips before he pulled away. You kissed the digit tentatively, chin in the air as you glanced down at Mike, silent, but smiling. 

Ironically, you were a healthy couple playing a twisted game, and you’d been in on it all along. 

Steve cleared his throat, loosening a button on his shirt as you span around, your own pelvis holding down Mike’s own. Mike should’ve despised the situation in its entirety, but the way his cock twitched was undeniable. It was as if this fucked up situation were unlocking something within him, and he didn’t know for how much longer he could hold it back.

“…I love the way men like you look at her and want nothing more than to fuck her brains out. Do you know what it feels like to win? To know that she’s yours?” Steve drawled, watching almost in admiration as you pulled off your sweats, sliding your underwear to the side as you lined up Mike’s cock with your entrance. 

“Of course you don’t,” he said condescendingly. “...Your life is about to be hell, Mike. You deserve something good…” The older man hissed, coincidentally aligning with the hiss from Mike’s own mouth who was too much in a state of ecstasy to register the comment. His precum was dribbling on your wet folds, and he longed for a bit of friction. 

You placed a hand on Mike’s chest, smiling down at him with the same expression he’d come to fall for in the first place, paired with your soft, unsuspecting voice. 

“Do you wanna fuck me, Mike? I bet you’d make me feel so good…”

“Y-Yeah..” he whimpered lowly, and he moaned as you sunk yourself onto his bare cock, gripping your body at the tight, wet pressure of your gummy walls. Steve hummed in amusement as he watched you begin to ride him; slowly at first, giving him enough leeway to insert himself into your mouth. 

He’d had you a million times before, but he never grew tired of the sensation. He gripped the back of your head as he moved your face up and down his shaft, groaning as he fucked your mouth in tandem.

“You’ve always been a maneater, haven’t you baby?” Steve cooed. “My little slut,” he spat, and Mike furrowed his brows, feeling his cock twitch in you at the statement. You were clearly just a few rich people with a perverted pastime, and he’d been taken as collateral. He’d probably feel disgusted in the morning, but as of right now he was in heaven.

You steadied yourself on Mike’s cock, pressing down a hand into his pelvis as Steve’s grip tightened on your face, greedy as one hand reached down to grope your breasts.

“Go on, Mike,” he chuckled arrogantly. “Give em a feel,”

You took Mike's hand in your own, throwing your head back at the sensation of being fondled and prodded by two men simultaneously. Steve’s cock was hitting the back of your throat, your nose buried into the fabric of his clothes, stray grey pubic hairs tickling your nose as he did. Mike’s dick was buried in you, and you were 99% sure you’d sheathed himself to the hilt. You hadn’t even needed to move your hips for that long, and Mike had begun to take agency as rock his hips up into your own, the skin-on-skin sounds borderline pornographic.

“Shit,” Mike whispered, feeling his stomach begin to knot up, and you gasped, talking around Steve’s cock that sent vibrations through the spectacled man’s lower half.

“Are you gonna cum, Mikey? You wanna fill this pussy up?” you teased, circling your hips uncontrollably, Mike’s penetrative thrusts becoming shallow but frequent. He groaned in response, and Steve chuckled, one hand your back so he stabilised you, making sure your lush lips were still attached to his shaft. Mike may have been getting the goods, but he owned you, and his pleasure came first. Even in a group of three. 

Feeling closer to your own orgasm, you slammed your hips down onto Mike, holding him in position as he came; desperately clutching the sheets as he spilled into you, mumbling to himself incoherently. Steve was gracious enough to pull himself from your mouth, a bridge of spit connecting you two as he did. Instinctively, you jerked him off, your warm hands sliding up and down effortlessly on his sloppy dick, still grinding your hips on Mike as he was beginning to come down from his high.

Steve came with a grumble, and it wasn’t long until you followed him after, grinning mischievously as fresh white trails of his seed painted your face. Glancing over at Mike - who looked totally spent - you ran your tongue along Steve’s pink shaft to clean him up, writhing as you stimulated Mike’s softening cock, producing a groan from the brunette. 

You were light headed as you fell back onto the sheets, smiling as Steve stroked your semi-nude body adoringly, lulling you off to sleep.

THE MORNING AFTER

Mike was awakened to a banging on the door, swearing under his breath as he contemplated how this looked. Sitting up, he scanned the room for a sign of you, or even Steve, but to no luck. 

He looked out of the window. The snowstorm was over.

Perhaps you’d just gone out for breakfast.

He hurried his clothes on, placing his hands on his hips as he tried to shake the hazy memories of the night before. He was just in time as an officer entered, worried as he saw his colleague enter with guns.

“W-What’s going on?” he asked, squinting. 

“We have a warrant for a visitor's arrest,” he drawled. “A Mr William Afton…?”

Mike frowned. The name wasn’t familiar.

The officer raised a brow, leaving the room once the coast was clear. As he did, Mike caught a glimpse of the poster in his back pocket, the face painfully recognisable. 

WANTED: Child abduction and murder.

[ellethespaceunicorn]

Bright Like The Moon: Chapter 2

Chapter 2: It’s The Feelings I Wear

Rating: M for Mature, 18+, Minors - DNI

Fandom: Night Hunter

Pairing: Walter Marshall x Black!OFC 

Word count: 6K 

Summary: Kamaria Mansfield is hired at the Minnesota Police Department as an intern. Detective Walter Marshall is overworked and unsatisfied. Takes place post-film.

Chapter Summary: Kamaria’s first day is filled with confidence and realization. Walter’s day is filled with self-doubt and introspection. Their day ends in a noteworthy way.

Chapter warnings: Mutual pining, accidental flirtation, intentional flirtation, angst, police interrogation procedure (or what Law & Order and The Shield have taught me is perfectly normal police procedure during interrogation), murder investigation (no details), flashback to a fight, Faye’s opinion on Rachel, spicy texting, different POV at times

A/N: I like to write in the third person (omniscient) for the most part, but as a challenge to myself, I decided to try writing in the first person for Kamaria and Walter in this chapter. Let’s see how this works out and if I wanna do it again. Un-beta’d, we die like people trying their absolute best.

Dividers: @firefly-graphics

Support/Reblog banner by me

Cover Art by me

Cross-posted on AO3 @ ElleTheSpaceUnicorn

Series Masterlist

My Masterlist

Kamaria’s POV

After a fun weekend of self-care, a mani-pedi in a cute baby pink with medium coffin-shaped nails on my fingers and getting my locs redone, I am ready for my week to start. I am happy to be woken up Monday morning to my alarm blaring ‘Her’ by Megan Thee Stallion. The catchy and inspiring song was a choice I made last minute on Sunday night, wanting to be roused from sleep with confidence and purposefulness in my mind.

Oh, Megan, if only I had your confidence…and that body-ody-ody.

Grabbing Beary from the crook of my arm and placing him back against the pillows, I pull the covers back over my bed. Making my way to the kitchen for coffee, I’m reminded that I need to pick up some more creamer this week. Black coffee is too rich for my blood and my colon. I turn on the coffee pot and end up in the bathroom ready to shower. 

I turn on the shower, letting it warm up while I go grab my phone from my nightstand. Pulling up Spotify as I reenter the bathroom, I select the Shower Vibes playlist. Soon the soothing sounds of Solange’s ‘Don’t Touch My Hair’ is wafting in the air. This song always gets me in the right headspace.

I switch from my bonnet to my shower cap and step into the spray once it’s at the perfect temp. Just right to get squeaky clean and not enough to sweat and frizz up my hair. I put on my exfoliating gloves and pour on enough Apricot & Honey body wash to drown a small town. 

Rubbing my hands together, the scent of it permeates my soul. Stepping back from the water, I begin to lather my body.

Before I know it, my mind goes on auto-pilot washing my entire body, top to bottom. I step back into the spray backward to feel the pulsating water on my neck and back. Bless my water pressure. 

I turn around, allowing my front to be clear of the suds. I wring out my shower gloves and place them back in the shower caddy. I reach up and turn the nozzle to push water through the detachable showerhead to get my most delicate places nice and clean. I’m careful this time to not allow the powerful jets to lull me into a hazy state of arousal. The last thing I need to be is late to work for that.

I finish up and grab my towel from the hook, patting my skin dry and taking off my shower cap. I wind the towel around myself and turn off my music before walking back into the bedroom. Opening my closet, I see my first-day outfit looking back at me. A mustard yellow turtleneck sweater that makes my amber eyes pop and a pair of black skinny jeans to show off my curves. Not really sure what the dress code is but if all else fails, the jeans look sorta like dress pants so whatever.

I begin my skincare routine by applying face serum, moisturizer, and body lotion. Slipping on some underwear and a bra, I remember I started the coffee pot. 

Throwing on my satin robe and house slippers, I head to the kitchen to praise the caffeine gods. The warm aroma of french vanilla wafts into my nose and I smile. Why have any other flavor if french vanilla is available?

Within a short time, I have a perfect cup of coffee and a decent breakfast in my system so I head back to the bedroom to get dressed. I put my butterfly locks in a high bun, leaving out the front two locs to frame my face. I’m not really a big makeup girl with the primer and the foundation and the contouring. However, I do have my essentials and it’s basically muscle memory to apply so what the hell. I sit at my vanity and turn on my lighted mirror.

“Hey, Siri?” I pause and wait for my phone screen to light up and for Siri to acknowledge me. “Play ‘Female Energy, Part 2’ by WILLOW, please.” Siri accepts the command and the song begins to play.

From the instant that I hear the melodic voice of a woman older than her years, I am transported to a state of pure emotional wonder, thinking of my position in the world around me. I begin with a medium line of black eyeliner, followed by some of my favorite Lash Princess mascara. Torn between a matte dark brown lip and a glitter gloss, I choose the gloss because it will reflect every bit of light it catches. Maybe he will notice that little touch? I shake my head to clear my thoughts and apply Shades by Shan in the color ‘Erika(https://sbscosmetics.com/products/new-erika-lip-gloss)’ slowly while the final verse plays.

‘Am I to feel bolder 'cause / All of my pumping blood? / I am human, I am woman / Drifting down my life / Light up this time, light up this time / Oh, oh, oh, oh’

I stop the song before it could play again and get up to check out my outfit in my long mirror. Everything is in its place, nothing too tight. Putting on my flats, I check my phone. Exactly thirty minutes til I start work, with a twenty-minute drive to work, which will allow me to freak out in the parking lot for a good chunk of time. Perfect! 

In the living room, I collect my keys and purse and throw on my coat. Taking one final deep breath of unemployment, I exit my apartment and lock the door behind me.

I make my way to work and park my car near the end of the lot under a lamppost so that when I leave later, I’ll have the light for safety. I start to prepare myself for my specifically scheduled ‘freakout time’ when I hear the low rumble of a truck being backed up next to me. I wait until it's all the way in the spot before I look over at the same time the driver does. 

We exchange smiles and it feels like the world stops. I turn off my car, grabbing my phone from the mount and my purse from the passenger seat. I go to open the door and he does the same, motioning for me to go first. I’m just closing my door when he exits mere inches from me. I turn around to properly greet him, smelling the clean scent of him in the wind, and try and hide the way it goes straight to my pussy. Down, girl!

“Happy Monday, Detective,” I say, my lips only quivering slightly in my attempt to appear confident.

“Please, call me Walter. I feel like Detective sounds too formal. After all, I’ve already saved your life, right?” His deep baritone radiates through me and if I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was flirting with me. 

‘He’s not interested in someone like you. Think about it, sweetheart.’ The voice of my ex attempts to ruin my morning, I shake my head almost imperceptibly and continue to smile at Walter.

“How long are you gonna hold that against me, Walter? I swear to you, I didn’t stumble on purpose just to be caught by a handsome stranger.” Did I just fucking call him handsome to his face out loud where he could hear it? Don’t freak out. DON’T. FREAK. OUT.

The smile on his face goes from his mouth to his eyes, a slight blush creeping across those perfect cheekbones.

“Handsome stranger, eh? That just made my day, Kamaria. Thank you for that,” He winks at me and my pussy wakes back up at that gesture, “Dads aren’t used to compliments, ya know?” Oh, you have a kid?

“Oh, you have a kid?” Ok, I said that part out loud I guess. 

“Yeah, a daughter,” he says, taking out his phone and showing me the lock screen with a picture of a curly-haired girl smiling at the camera, “This is Faye, the light of my life. She’ll be 16 soon.”

“Oh my goodness. She’s gorgeous and she has your curls. Got your shotgun ready?” I laugh, knowing what a Dad would do to protect his daughter, thoughts of my own Dad’s exploits cross my mind.

“Oh, I would love to say it’s primed and loaded. But she’s a pistol. Smarter than she gives herself credit for. And would run circles around any smooth-talking, pock-marked little shit who tried her.” He smiles, putting his phone back in his pocket after checking the time. “Where has the time gone? Let’s get you into your first day, eh?” He motions for me to take the lead and throws another wink my way.

I suddenly remember I had no time to freak out in the car before going in. No time to think about that now, maybe I’ll just freak out a little later. Or something more professional, like excusing myself to the bathroom to have a quick anxiety attack. Perfect plan.

We walk into the building together, Walter holding the door for me. As I am shaking the chill of the early morning off and instantly feeling overwhelmed by the hustle and bustle of those in the office, I hear Walter say my name.

“Kamaria?” He tilts his head and shoots me a grin, “You’ll wanna check in with the Desk Sergeant over to the right and let them know it’s your first day, yeah? Along the left wall there, the last one down before the hallway ends is my office. If you need anything, I’ll be in there most of the day and it would be nice to break away from paperwork even if for a second.” 

Ok, this man is most definitely flirting with me. At least, it feels like it. The winks, those smiles, basically inviting me to his office to distract him. What else is that, if not flirting? 

‘He’s just being nice to the inept charity case, sweetheart. Stop dreaming.’ And that’s when the asshole creeps back into my head to try and pull me back down. I ignore it and smile back at Walter.

“Thank you, Walter. For everything,” I start to make my way over to the right, and he to the left, “I’ll be sure to stop by and save you from the paperwork demons.” We are still in eyeshot and walking backward from one another, “I’ll see you later?”

“Later it is, Kam.” That little nickname he throws my way makes my cheeks warm and before I can ask about it, he turns and makes his way to his office. 

I end up standing in front of the Desk Sergeant, a burly bald man who looks like he could break me in half gives me a sweet smile and asks how he could help me. “My name is Kamaria Mansfield and it’s my first day as an intern and I have no clue where I’m supposed to be.” He takes pity on me and points to the intern pool and who has to be the manager giving an early morning meeting.

I rush over and give my name and the manager introduces me to the rest of the interns, none of them look to be starting on their first days as well. Awesome. Kind smiles and waves welcome me and I feel instantly calmed. 

Today will be a good day, hold onto this feeling as long as you can.

Walter’s POV

Kam? Where the fuck did that come from? I gave her a nickname without her permission. Might as well have called her ‘Sweet Cheeks’. Just as I am berating myself, someone walks into my office.

“I need you in Interrogation Room 2 before I lose my shit and plug this asshole into next week,” Commissioner Harper starts a tirade before I even have my coat off.

“Good morning, Commissioner.” I deadpan and start to follow him out of my office. 

“Yeah, good morning, is it?” The Commissioner raises an eyebrow and I get the hint.

I look to the intern pool as Kamaria is being introduced to her fellow gophers like starting at school late in the year. Her sweet smile stays on her face, her eye line focusing on those in her immediate vicinity so she doesn’t notice me walking out of my office and down to the hall.

Making it to Interrogation, the room’s atmosphere shifts as I notice Rachel behind the glass trying her best to stay in control while every other word out of our suspect’s mouth is cunt or whore. No matter how much she may dislike me, or our history, she doesn’t deserve to be treated like that.

I cross my arms and await her signal to come in and be the ‘bad cop’. She’s holding her own and I don’t want to interrupt that. Being a profiler, she knows what games to play and what tactics to use when it comes to hostile men. She’s not afraid in that room, she’s not submissive. She uses what she was blessed with, her feminine wiles and whatever training she can remember. It’s what any good cop would use when in this position, and she's damn good at it.

After the whole situation with Simon Stulls, I had to give her credit. She knew the tells, she knew there was more to the story. And she went after what she believed. After all, she did save my life. As much as I wanted to return the favor, I couldn’t. She was far too…in control of her own life. She wouldn’t allow herself to be in danger without knowing how to save herself. That’s just Rachel.

She doesn’t need me until she has no further tricks up her sleeve. And I have to be fine with that. I am fine with that. I, after all, have my sights set on another. While waiting for Rachel to look at the glass, I’m reminded of our last night together.

*Eight Months Ago*

Rachel was over at my house after work one night, we agreed to finish the casework outside of the office as another excuse to be able to spend time together.

She throws her pen down on the coffee table and turns to me. “Faye still hates me. And you do nothing about it. That sucks, Walter.”

“Faye doesn’t hate you. She can just tell that you and I are different people. I think she knows when I’m not happy and she knows I can’t hide that from her.” I catch her eye as she furrows her brows.

“If you would just realize that I’m not here to be saved, I think you’d be happier.”

“And if you would realize that I am not trying to save you, I think you’d be happier.”

“See, you say that. But all you do is open doors for me, and offer to help with every little thing and that makes me feel like I’m incapable. Like, I’m not in charge of my own life. And that shit goes against everything that I have been taught my entire life. I can do for myself. I don’t need you to help me do every little thing. Wait for me to ask for your help, once in a while. Don’t just…do.” Her voice raises as she gets up from the couch to walk over to the kitchen for a glass of water.

I stay where I am for a moment before standing up and leaning against the back of the couch to face her. “Look, I get it. You are your own woman. You don’t need me. And you have made that abundantly clear. You don’t need anyone. Until you do, and then here I am. Meant to pick up all your pieces. On your terms.” I move one step closer to where she stands. “Why do I never get terms? Why can’t I take care of you when I need to take care of you? Why do I have to wait until you’re ready to accept me as someone to care for you? How do you think that makes me feel? Knowing I’m nothing more than at your beck and call, for when YOU deem it necessary for me to feel helpful? How is that fair to me?”

“I don’t mean to make you feel as though you can’t help me, but you have to realize that 95% of the time I can do it on my own. I’m not your ward, I’m not yours for safekeeping. We should be equals in this relationship. Not owner and dog.”

“That’s not fair and you know it. I was never your owner, and neither did I want to be. And you’re not a dog.” I shift on my feet. “You’re much more like a cat, feral and wild.”

“Thanks for that,” she takes a sip of water before looking back at me, “I always liked cats more anyway. And I get it, you like being the protector. You like being the one to come to for help and reassurance and I just don’t need that right now.”

“Noted. Let’s get back to work and after this, I will stop trying to be your protector and start trying to be your equal, ok?” I nodded back at the paperwork as she nods at me.

Not long after that night, Rachel and I decided to call it quits. Luckily, we kept everything very close to the chest at work so no one ever asked about it. I had a terrible time trying to put the past behind me, no matter how I excelled at treating her as an equal. I wanted someone who needed me. Not someone who tolerated me. Perhaps, good things DO come to those who wait. 

I guess I’ll have to thank Faye at some point for her opinion on the matter. She didn’t like Rachel. And she made it known that Rachel was never going to be in her life if she had anything to do with it. Rachel wasn’t exactly good with kids, let alone teens. I honestly can’t even say if she tried her best. She wanted to be looked at as an authority figure, not a mother figure. That is not the way to get a teen to like you, and she never found the way into Faye’s good graces.

The way into that girl’s heart is by showing her that you care. Care about her hobbies. Care about her favorite color. Or most importantly, as a child of separated parents, show her that you care about the well-being of the two people who brought her into this world. Don’t take anything too lightly, and she’ll give you a chance.

But, Rachel failed there. And there is no relationship when your child doesn’t feel comfortable around your partner. Angie learned that the hard way with Mick or Nick or whatever his name was. But Jackson, the one she’s dating now, he’s a good man. He cares about Angie and he cares about Faye. That’s all I can ask for. All I ever would ask for.

Well, I guess there are other things I can ask for, but I will be patient about those things. My mind retreats to Kamaria calling me handsome. I was dumbfounded at the time, and now I’m incredibly flattered that I flustered her enough for her filter to malfunction in front of me. I could tell she was instantly angry with herself for letting her cards show. But I enjoyed every bit of that interaction, quick as it was. She may have felt intimidated, but she didn’t seem scared and she didn’t seem like she minded my flirting. A good thing, because I plan on flirting with her as much as she will allow me to.

Rachel gives me the cue to step in, snapping me out of my thoughts and I’m slamming the door shut to the Interrogation room before long. Walking up behind the suspect slowly, I stand to the side of him and nod for Rachel to take a break. She collects her things, leaving the case file behind after closing it. But I won’t be needing it.

I pull her empty chair out from the small metal table and act as though I will sit down, but instead choose to throw it behind me. The intended emotion is felt by the suspect. Fear. If I didn’t thrive on that fear, I wouldn’t be able to get the job done. I reach over and grab the suspect by the collar and yank him to me over the table. This is where the fun begins for me and ends for him. I hold him above the ground, speaking to him lowly but still able to be picked up by the audio recording in the room.

“Tell us where the bodies are, and this can be over for you. I’m sure the public defender can get you some type of safety while you live out the rest of your days behind bars,” I tighten my grip on his coat collar before speaking again, “Give us nothing and we’ll feed you to the dogs. You do know what happens to men like you in prison right? Men who’ve done what you’re being accused of doing? They’ll string you up, they’ll castrate you, and if you’re lucky? They’ll make sure you die from your injuries.” 

I set him on his feet and straighten his collar. I walk around him to where his chair is on its side and pick it up, nodding for him to sit down. Chancing a glance at the mirrored window behind, I motion for Rachel to re-enter. I pick up the other chair from the floor and let her sit back down. Ever the professional, Rachel opens the file again

“Now, can you tell me where the bodies are?”

The suspect wipes a hand over his face, eyes peeking up at me before nodding at Rachel. I leave the room and rejoin Commissioner Harper.

“Is it unprofessional to say I love it when you do that?” The Commissioner looks at me with genuine boyhood glee.

“Probably, but I won’t tell anyone if you won’t.” I let my sly smirk show and get back to watching our suspect give Rachel the locations of the five confirmed victims. Once done, a uniformed officer comes to collect him and take him back to the holding cell. Rachel exits and comes back to the room where Harper and I are.

“He gave us everything,” Rachel hands me the file and nods, “thanks for taking over, he was making me want to rip out his fucking throat. But, try and keep The Hulk at bay next time, maybe?”

“I enjoyed it thoroughly,” Harper quips, annoying Rachel to no end.

“Understood, Rachel,” I say, not meaning it at all and she knew it, “I’ll get to work on these. Have the transcript to me later?” I hold up the file and leave the room before she can say anything else. 

Kamaria’s POV

I’m just getting up to lock my computer when I see Walter walking down the hall, his nose in a file. I head in the opposite direction to hit the bathroom before stopping by his office for a quick chat. 

I stop at the door, his attention completely on the file at this point, and knock on it lightly.

“Hey, stranger,” I say, walking in and sitting in one of the chairs across from him. I notice without his coat on, he opted for an oceanic blue sweater today that hugs his biceps which seem even bigger than they did on Friday when I touched them for all of about three seconds.

Without looking up, he smiles and jokes, “I will only be answering to ‘handsome stranger’ from now on, thank you very much.” He finally looks up and I notice his eyes in the sunlight coming through the window, “How’s your first day going?”

“Ha ha, good one. It’s going quite well. I met a lot of nice people. I was taught how to get Spotify on my computer and how to get free snacks from the vending machine at the end of hall. And a couple of the girls are taking me out to lunch.” I guess that could be something friendly, right?

“Oh, they’re gonna grill you. I’ve seen them all go out to lunch a lot. They’re a close-knit bunch but they are also very territorial if they think you’re in a dangerous situation so make sure you play nice.” His tone, although joking, actually sounds serious. Almost like he is encouraging me to make friends with my coworkers, and I like that. I’m sure Yada would be high-fiving him right about now.

“I’ll keep that in mind, handsome stranger,” I chance a wink and him and there is that blush back on his face, “Well before they come to look for me, I better get back. I do wanna make sure I get all the hot gossip and find out where the best places for lunch are.”

“Enjoy your lunch, Kam. If anyone mentions going to Mitch’s Steak Shop, get the cheesesteak. You won’t regret it. I promise,” He smiles and goes to pick up the file again before looking back up at me as I get up to leave, “Actually, I did have something to ask you, if you don’t mind?”

He has a pensive look on his face so I sit back down and nod at him to ask.

“I started calling you Kam without your permission. And I, rather belatedly, would like to say if you don’t like that, I can go back to using your full name. It’s a lovely name, after all. And I would hate for you to feel like I’m getting too personal in calling you something that you didn’t ask to be called.”

“No, it’s fine. I actually used to go by Kam all the time. I haven’t used the nickname in a while and I’m not ashamed to say I missed it. So, please, call me Kam. I like it.” The smile on his face could light up the darkest of nights.

“Phew, good. I spent most of the day feeling like a complete tit. I swear I know better than to call a woman out of her name, but I just felt it in the moment and went with it.” He runs a hand through those curls, and I wanna follow that hand with my own. 

“Don’t sweat it, it made me smile,” Just then my stomach grumbles and I remember I was supposed to be going to lunch, “Ok, it’s food time. I’ll see you later, k?” I raise up from the chair and play with one of my butterfly locs, putting it behind my ear.

“Sounds great, I’ll see you later, Kam.” We share a smile and he returns to his file as I walk out of his office.

I head back to my desk and notice the group at the front door is waiting for me. I scurry up to them and apologize for keeping them waiting. They all just smile and tell me that we are walking to Mitch’s. I guess I get to try the cheesesteak sooner than I thought.

Walter’s POV

The rest of the day moves pretty fast. Rachel has the transcript sent to me with enough time to go over it and plan the search teams. The bodies are located within about a five-mile radius. The teams will go out in the morning. The faster we can recover the bodies, the faster we can get these families closure on their loved ones. And that is what matters most of all.

Before I know it, it’s ten after five and I can hear the cleaning crew vacuuming down the hallway. It has been an interesting day for sure. The thrill of flirting with Kamaria, the excitement of an interrogation gone well, and leaving before the sun is all the way down? A splendid day indeed.

Putting on my jacket, I put my work away and lock it in my desk drawer. I turn off the lights in my office and close the door before turning around to see Kamaria putting on her coat. I walk up to her and offer to walk her out. She accepts and we start the short walk to our cars, taking our time.

“So, how was the rest of your day? Did you get all the hot gossip you could handle?” I ask, chuckling as she rolls her eyes.

“You’ll be happy to know I got absolutely nothing. Either there is no gossip or they’re still trying to figure out if I’m worth keeping their secrets. I understand it. But I did have a great conversation with two nice girls, Nina and Sophie. They’re hilarious. We exchanged numbers and I think they actually think I’m cool.” She rambles out, so excited that she made some friends. How is she so surprised someone thinks she’s cool? She’s amazing.

“Ah yes, the twins. They are nice. And they actually finish each other’s-”

“Sandwiches?”

“Oh my god, did you just quote Frozen to me?” I stop walking and look at her, not even trying to hold in my laughter.

“I took a chance that you might have seen it, thought Faye may have made you watch it. The music in that movie is too good for adults to not enjoy it too. And Olaf? He was so sweet!” Her face lights up remembering the children’s film.

“Olaf was great, I’ll give you that. But I loved Kristoff and Sven more. As a kid, when I found out reindeer were real, I couldn’t believe it. I actually asked her to get me one as a pet.” I can still remember my Mom informing me that instead of a reindeer, we could get a dog. I was upset about the reindeer, but I loved that dog.

I realize we’ve made it to the parking lot and are both leaning on our cars, but making no move to get in and leave. In a second of bravado, I try my luck.

“So I feel like I’m not imagining that we have some chemistry here. Or is my head in the clouds?” I remark, watching Kamaria’s smile widen even more.

“Definitely not imagining it.”

“Would I be too forward in asking for your number? I completely understand if that’s, like, awkward or something.” I shove my hands in my pockets, intentionally running my fingers over my phone.

“That depends. If I give you my number, that means I want to hear from you. If you give me your number, I expect that to mean the same. I ask for clear communication. And if you ever need space, don’t ghost me or just go radio silent. Tell me so that I don’t waste my time, or worse yet, worry. Is that something you can do?” She takes on a serious tone, and I can tell this is something that she needs from me and that she probably hasn’t gotten in the past. Clearly set boundaries.

I take her manicured hand and place it over my heart so she can feel my even heartbeat when I answer her. I hold her hand there, her baby pink nails digging in, and say, “You have my word that I will not only call you and text you, but I will let you know when my attention needs to be elsewhere. And when I can talk again, I will let you know as well.” I rub my thumb over the back of her hand and she honest-to-goodness giggles like some fair maiden in a storybook. 

I let her hand go and she reaches into her pocket and grabs her phone, unlocking it before handing it to me. She then holds out her hand, palm up, to take my phone. I unlock my phone with my other hand and hand it to her. The light of my phone illuminates her face as she enters her information and I try not to stare for too long. I fill in my number and my full name because she might know another Walter. 

Then feeling another spark of bravado, I hit the ‘Add Photo’ button and use the front-facing camera to take a quick selfie. I save my contact and hand her back her phone. She copies me and goes to take a selfie as well. But before I can tell what she is doing, she is standing next to me and taking a picture of us together. She saves the photo and then calls me so I can see the photo. My phone lights up and I see our faces, myself smiling down at her as she faces the camera. I can’t hide the smile on my face, and I wouldn’t dream of keeping that from her. She caused it after all. 

“Ok, let’s get you out of the cold. Let me know when you get home safe?” I say, opening her car door for her to get in.

“Yes, Sir.” A low growl escapes my throat at that. Thank God, she was turned around, getting in the car because those words were almost too much for me not to want to turn her around and kiss the words right out of her mouth. I close the door behind her and step back.

She waves goodbye and I wave back, turning to get into my truck. I turn the key in the ignition and adjust my tightening jeans. I watch as she pulls out of the parking space and drives past me before I start to move the car. I notice she goes the opposite direction that I do and I watch her car in the rearview mirror until it’s no longer in sight.

The drive home is filled with me grinning to myself and thinking about all the little moments of the day. Kamaria. Kam. I can still feel her hand on my chest. I can still smell that fresh and sweet fragrance that lingers on her skin. I can still hear her sonorous laugh. If I could, I would burn that sound into my mind so I could hear it whenever I wanted.

I make it home, walking in the door before my phone dings. I hang up my coat and leave my shoes at the door. I smile, looking at the phone screen, knowing what to expect.

Kam: Made it home safe and sound 😁you home yet??

Me: Just walked in the door

Me: What’s for dinner?

Kam: Since I had a cheesesteak for lunch, I’ll be having a salad haha

Me: You had Mitch’s then, did you enjoy it?

Kam: Your recommendation was excellent! And the kettle chips? So damn tasty

“I bet you’re damn tasty,” I mutter to myself, quicker than I can stop it from escaping.

Me: I could write a sonnet regarding those kettle chips

Kam: I hope you know that means you’ll be reading that to me

Me: As you wish, Princess

Kam: And he quotes Princess Bride??? 

Kam: Ok, I’m gonna get off the phone before I start sweating 😥

Me: And I would just hate to see that 😉

Kam: Ha. Ha. Goodnight Walter 😴

Me: Goodnight Kam

I sit my phone down on the kitchen table and go to rummage in the fridge for dinner, hearing my phone ding again. I reach over and pick it up.

Kam: By the way…

Me: Yes?

Kam: I like it when you growl 🥺

Fuck.

Me: Eat your dinner and enjoy your night, Princess

Kam: Yes, Sir 

I grab a beer from the fridge, and adjust my jeans again, willing myself to maintain control and not shove my hand inside. Then that nagging little voice peeks around a corner in my brain. Was I moving a bit too fast giving her a pet name? That might be too much. And this time, she saves me.

Kam: And yes, I do like to be called Princess so DO NOT think otherwise.

Kam: I can hear your brain gears turning from here

Me: Good to know Princess 

Me: See you tomorrow

Kam: See you tomorrow 

Guess I’m gonna beat this dick like it owes me money.

Chapter 3

**Tag List**

Henry Fanfiction: @enchantedbytomandhenry

Bright Like The Moon: @geralts-yenn @deandoesthingstome @liveoncoffeeandflowersss  

Let me know if you wanna be added and for what plz! 😁

[felicitysmoaksx]

Happy Monday everyone! Hope this update finds you well! After this, we only have one more chapter and that isn't coming out till Friday or Saturday! As always thanks for the kudos and comments and I hope you enjoy this chapter!

My song recs for this chapter are Call It What You Want by Taylor Swift and At Least by Jessica Biao

Rating: Explicit (Minors DNI 18+)

Summary:  Blue eyes flicked down to his lover asleep once more. Her chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm. There was not a doubt in his mind that he knew Sarah. At least where it counted. He knew what kind of person she was. He knew her heart. But he didn’t know the stories of what made her heart the way that he knew it.  

Word Count: 5.6k

Warnings: Sexual Content, Depictions of parental abandonment, depictions of violence, inaccurate medical procedures, and implied/references a canonical character death.

Read On AO3 | Fic Playlist | Want to be tagged when I post a Rheese story?

Hold On, I Still Want You Ch. 4

Sarah was transferred to the ICU after her surgery. Voight’s son was already up there because they couldn’t find any bullet in him. Connor breathed a sigh of relief when she was wheeled into the small room. Even if it was intensive care. 

He was texting Lindsay about her transfer when Ava walked into the room. “I’ve been in contact with Detective Lindsay.” 

At Connor’s look of confusion, the blonde woman continued, “She’s Sarah's emergency contact. She also has medical power of attorney. She has told me, I can share information with you about Sarah’s case.” 

“So how bad was it?” He asked, seeing her face and bracing for the worst. But to his relief, his partner in the field of sorts, held up her hands with the beginnings of a smile on her face.

“She did really well, all things considered. We had to give her three more units of blood and one plasma. She got lucky, with the way the bullets went in, she might’ve been paralyzed or it could’ve hit her esophagus. We pulled out two bullets, but they never perforated her spine or went through her esophagus. It’s almost as if she had a shield in front of her.”

Connor sighed heavily in relief and turned back to look at his lover. Though she was still pale, a little color had returned to her so her skin no longer looked translucent. She wore a neck brace, but that was just so she didn’t move her neck in her sleep if she became restless. Then his trauma surgeon's brain caught something. Last time he saw Sarah she was bagged and being attached to a ventilator. But now…He turned back to Ava, “You extubated her. She’s breathing on her own.”

“I took a chance in recovery. She passed the breathing tests with flying colors, was protecting her airway, and her oxygen levels and CO2 stats were good so I took her breathing tube out.” The blonde explained with a shrug. 

“Thank you,” Connor exhaled audibly and said in a sincere tone, “I know you really don’t care for trauma. But you helped her when I couldn’t.”

The blonde smirked at him, “We both know that you would’ve. If I hadn’t been there. Or at least tried.” 

Connor looked sheepish as he rubbed the back of his neck. He would’ve, but they both know it would’ve been dangerous for him and Sarah both.  

Ava graced him with one of her rare genuine smiles. Her gaze flicked to her friend and patient that lay asleep in the bed. “Besides, I did it as much for her as I did for you. When I first came to Med, you know Reese was the first person to reach out to me?”

“No,”

Her gaze flicked back to Connor as she chuckled, “She told me she knew how it felt to be the new girl. Said it’d just take time for people to warm up. Asked me how I was settling in and when I said I was struggling a little with putting a few furniture pieces together, she texted me the next day asking if I was still having trouble with my furniture and if I wanted help with them before asking for my address. She showed up with Dr. Halstead’s brother, Atwater, and Ruzek in tow. My remaining furniture pieces got put together that day. She was also the one who told me you weren’t that bad and that I should give you a chance.” 

“She did?” The double-certified surgeon glanced behind him, half expecting his lover to confirm or deny what the other woman was saying. But to his slight dismay, even though he knew it wasn’t going to happen, his lover remained still, with her eyes closed.

“Yeah, she said you were a good guy. Said you were a little rough around the edges, but you really cared about your patients and tried to do your best to help them. Just that you also had a lot going on at the time because of Robin.”

“She never mentioned that…” Sarah never mentioned a lot, he was learning as the day went on. 

[LINE BREAK]  [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK]

Throughout the day, his lover had a revolving door of visitors, though she never knew it. Everyone from the ED, even Doris. (who Sarah thought didn’t particularly like her) Goodwin came in not long after Ava had left him alone. She stayed for a few minutes before Dr. Choi sent her an urgent page. 

And to Connor’s shock, Dr. Latham made an appearance. 

“Dr. Latham,” Connor started as he stood up to address his attending doctor, “I know I have that teachable bypass today-”

But his mentor held up a hand, “It has been taken care of. Dr. Bekker informed me of what happened and volunteered to lead the surgery. I'm sorry about Dr. Reese. She has always been kind to me when others have not.”

Latham struggled with emotions and his bedside manner was a little lacking conventionally.  The dark-haired surgeon knew that, but he had also worked with his mentor long enough to know that his coldness didn’t mean he didn’t care-that he wasn’t sincere. 

“Thank you, Dr. Latham.” He said to his mentor as he sat back down. He grabbed Sarah’s hand once more. 

“I hope Dr. Reese has a fast recovery and you take as much time as you need to be with her. Dr. Bekker and I have your patients,”

Connor’s mentor left a few minutes later and when they were alone again, Connor leaned up and pressed a kiss to Sarah’s forehead. He lingered a little, needing to feel her skin against his for a moment. Then he whispered, “Did you hear that, Sarah? I don’t have to leave you for a long while. You’re stuck with me. You just have to open those brown eyes that I’m such a damn sucker for.” 

Dr. Charles and his family (his wife, Robin, and her husband, Marcus) came by a little after Dr. Latham left. By way of greeting the older man said, “Sharon told us what happened.”

“Dr. Bekker said she’s responding well. The surgery went as well as expected, but she will be looking at a pretty good recovery time, but she should pull through.” Connor answered the unasked question Dr. Charles was asking. 

Sarah’s boss nodded. The double-certified surgeon half expected him to say something in that shrink voice of his. 

(“Don’t call it a shrink voice Connor! Shrink has bad connotations to it.” Sarah’s voice echoed in his head.)  

But a little to his surprise it was his ex-girlfriend that spoke up. Not that should’ve surprised him, he knew Robin held Sarah in very high regard after Sarah treated her. She always said Sarah didn’t make her feel like she was going crazy. Even when her tumor was making it so, “Good. She’s too much of an excellent doctor to lose.”

Caroline Charles broke away from her husband’s side and shuffled closer to the hospital bed. 

“Poor girl,” she said quietly as she reached down and squeezed Sarah’s hand, noticing the bruises and marks on both of her wrists.

“What happened here? Sharon didn’t mention this. Daniel, come and look at her wrists.”

Connor ran a hand through his hair. His blue eyes had pointedly chosen not to look at her wrists if he didn’t have to because every time he did, the already agitated monster in his chest, at Sarah being shot, would roar at the sight of her wrists. And he’d have to resist the urge to storm out and find the guy, and strangle him with his bare hands himself. 

“Her wrists and the other victim’s wrists were bound together with barbed wire when they were brought in,” his lover’s hand spasmed in his. Connor knew it was just a reflex, but it was almost as if Sarah knew they were talking about her. 

Marcus hissed, “My buddy is a corrections officer. He says that’s what prisoners do when they want the message across that something is personal.”

The hand that wasn’t holding Sarah’s, curled into a tight fist. The monster raged and roared in his chest. 

“Voight’s son right? That’s who the other victim is?” Dr. Charles questioned. Connor nodded. The older man sighed heavily as he took off his glasses to clean them. 

“I don’t envy the conversation Sharon is on her way to have with Hank right now. Last I heard, Sam Abrams is in the process of legally declaring his son brain dead. Dr. Choi called him for a consult because they found damaged brain tissue.” 

“Is he brain dead? They can’t repair the damage done to the brain tissue?” Caroline asked, and her husband shook his head. He explained, “In a way. The bullet that he was hit with went right through his brain tissue and that doesn’t regenerate like skin tissue will. Brain tissue doesn’t come back at all and there is no procedure we have that can repair tissue like that yet. He won’t wake up again. Ever.”

“And it went right through him because Ava pulled two bullets out of Sarah. But scans showed no bullets in him and we know Dr. Choi was thorough.” Connor said, “The running theory is that he saved her life because Ava said with where the bullets were, her injuries should’ve been a lot worse. Torn esophagus, and possibly being paralyzed from the waist but miraculously, they’re not. Almost as if she had a shield in front of her.”

“Or someone acting as one in front of her,” Dr. Charles said grimly. 

The Charles family left soon after. Caroline had a check-up for the clinical trial, after her heart valve surgery. Before Robin and her new husband left, she reached out and squeezed Connor’s shoulder. “I know this probably feels like déjà vu to you. But she’ll wake up, Connor. She’ll be okay. You and Dad keep me updated on her okay? And when she’s up for it, I’ll expect to catch up with you and her, alright?” 

“When she’s feeling better,” Marcus spoke quietly, “When she’s up for it we can go on a do-over double date. I’d like to thank her for what she’s done for my wife.”

“I hope everything works out for Cece and the clinical trial.” The surgeon glanced up at his ex-girlfriend and her husband before he nodded at them. Then his gaze returned to Sarah. He was alone with his lover once more. 

[LINE BREAK]  [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK]

He had been in the middle of telling Sarah a story from his childhood when there was a soft tapping at the door. Looking up, he raised a hand to acknowledge Justin’s wife, who stood there looking more lost than even he felt. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt. I just…didn’t know where else to go. Hank’s here and I wanted to give him some alone time with Justin. We’ve decided to…pull him off of life sup-port...” She mumbled as soon as she opened the door, her voice breaking at the end. She rubbed at her eyes which looked red and puffy like she had been crying. She probably had been. 

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Connor told her sympathetically and she nodded mutely. Then she moved to Sarah’s other side.

“Hank asked her to talk to him. That’s why she was there with him.” Olive broke the silence as she moved to fuss over the curly-haired brunette’s blanket. “Justin has-had a pretty rough past with getting into trouble. Hank worried he was falling into old habits, but he wouldn’t talk about it with his dad. So Hank asked Sarah to talk to him.”

“Was he? Falling back into old habits?” He asked and two fat tears rolled down Olive’s cheeks. It made Connor feel bad having to ask. But he needed to know that Sarah wasn’t shot over a stupid mistake. “No, just the opposite. He was trying to help a friend’s widow get out of that life after her ex-boyfriend roped her back into it. But he didn’t want Hank to get involved because he didn’t want to get her in trouble.”

“What happened to her? The lady he was trying to help?” Connor questioned. 

“Dead. They found her late last night. The same way they found Justin and Sarah. In the trunk of her car. But I didn’t know that until Hank told me ten minutes ago. I don’t think Justin knew either. He always said Hank never liked to bring work home.”

Meaning that today never should’ve happened because everything Justin Voight had done was for nothing and Sarah had just been caught in the crossfire of it all. The monster in his chest roared at the thought. To subdue the creature, Connor cradled her open palm in his and pressed her hand to his cheek. To serve as a reminder to him that she was still here; she wasn't going anywhere. They were just waiting for her to wake up.

He pressed a kiss to her palm just as another knock rattled against the window pane softly. Hank Voight stood on the other side of the door.

“Olive, they’re fixing to…” the older man trailed off when he slid the door open, “I thought you might want to be there when-when it happens.” 

Olive looked like she might cry again and Connor felt a swell of sympathy run through him. Still, the woman put on a brave face and nodded. She had started to make her out of the room, pausing only when she noticed Hank wasn’t following her. 

“Hank?”

“You go on ahead. I’ll be there in a minute.” The police sergeant promised her. When she was gone, back across the ICU, the older man moved more into the room. 

“Hey Kid,” Voight’s voice was low and gentle as he addressed Sarah, approaching her bedside. He laid a gentle hand on her forehead, “You know how I’ve always said I’m with you till the world blows up? Well, right now my world is pretty much blown to bits. So do me a favor, if you can, and keep fighting. I can’t imagine losing one kid right now. Let alone two.” 

Voight was Sarah’s dad? But before the question could take root in his mind, the man himself addressed Connor. 

“Thank you for staying with her.” 

“No place I’d rather be,” he told the police sergeant, “Just do me a favor and get this guy.”

“You can count on it,” Voight told him. His tone was lethal sounding. Connor eyed the other man. He didn’t know Hank Voight well, but he knew of the man’s reputation. Working in Chicago Med for the last three and half years had seen to that. Despite this being one of the very few conversations he had ever had with him, he believed Hank Voight when he said something. 

“Then I’ll be here till she asks me to leave,” Connor nodded to the woman sleeping in the bed. The older man nodded at him then with one last glance at Sarah and a squeeze to her free hand, he walked out of the room as quietly as he came in. 

Erin arrived not too long after that, holding a very worn-looking teddy bear under her arm. She stopped when she saw him sitting there. Her question came with an air of being stunned. “You really have been here the whole time, haven’t you?”  

“I told you I would be and I didn’t l want her to wake up alone. She doesn't deserve that,” he said while Sarah mumbled something in her sleep. 

“No one does,” the woman agreed, setting the bear down at the foot of the bed and watching as Connor shushed and soothed her pseudo-sister. 

He wasn’t who Erin pictured for Sarah. He was too brash and seemed a little too overconfident for her liking. Sarah needed someone who was patient with her. Someone a little soft. But then again, the other woman’s type mostly consisted of jerks that disguised themselves as nice guys first. Like Joey. Ugh. The manipulative, passive-aggressive asshole, who tried to make Sarah bad when she didn’t choose pathology. Besides the way the dark-haired man in front of Erin looked at Sarah…it was like he was in love with her. 

But that also prompted a question in Erin’s head.

“How long exactly have you and Sarah been together?” She asked, giving the question in her head a voice.

“Give or take about six months,” he answered, then he spied the worn stuffed animal, “You know the gift shop has a pretty good selection of bears to choose from.”

Six months and Erin hadn’t realized something was up till just two months ago? How? She thought to herself as she told him, “The bear has seen better days, I know. But I’ve known Sarah a long time and she’s had it for as long as I can remember. She’s sentimental about it. I stopped by her apartment to get it before coming here. I thought it might help if she had it. Some kind of luck, I guess.”

“No one has said they’re worried about her not making it through this. In fact, her doctor is very optimistic about her recovery. They even took out her breathing tube after they took the bullets out.” Connor interrupted the detective, even though she hadn’t asked. But the way she had said her last sentence had triggered something in him. 

Though Goodwin, Ava, and Abrams had stopped by to perform an unusual brain activity test in Connor’s opinion, because she was protecting her airway, and breathing on her own, and Ava hadn’t voiced any concerns about Sarah’s brain activity before the test. 

But it might’ve had to do with the tragedy of Justin Voight and that it was one of their own doctors that had the head of the hospital airing on the side of extra caution.  Erin Lindsay nodded at the information before asking, “What have you been doing here for hours?”

The surgeon shrugged, “Talking to her mostly. I’ve made all these kinds of promises to her when she wakes up.”

Erin’s lips twitched upward a little. Maybe there was a soft side to the brooding Connor Rhodes after all.

He gave another shrug, “They say comatose patients can hear everything you say. And even though she’s not in a coma and just heavily sedated, I thought the same principles might apply here.”

 He paused, the ghost of a smile appearing on his face as he gestured to Sarah, still fast asleep in the hospital bed. “I'm a sucker for brown eyes. But especially hers. All she has to do is bat them at me and I’m wrapped around her little finger and she knows it.”

“I bet she uses it to her advantage too.” The detective nodded with a snorted watery chuckle. Then she moved to face the girl in the bed; her tone was gentle, almost teasing as she said, “Hey, Sarah. Do you know Teddy is coming down from New York? I told him you were going to be fine. But he said he was still coming to see for himself and you know how much he hates coming to Chicago. Do you feel special yet?”

Then she grabbed Sarah’s hand and squeezed it softly as she explained to Connor, “My little brother. Teddy. I called him and told him what happened. He’s close to Sarah too. He’s coming from New York. But won’t be here till tomorrow.”

There was a lull and then…

“Have you found who did this yet?” Connor asked quietly as Erin looked down at Sarah. The detective looked back up and shook her head sadly, “We have a name and we can link him back to two other crimes and a good chance of linking him back to this one, but now it’s a matter of finding him. I just wanted to check on her before we start running down our leads.” 

“Thank you for staying with her.” She said after another beat of silence. He nodded but told her, “You don’t have to thank me, Detective Lindsay. I’m just sitting with her.”

“Dr. Rhodes, you are giving me peace of mind that the woman I’ve considered a sister for…I don’t even know how long, is not alone throughout all this. And with that peace of mind, I can catch this bastard that did this to them because I know that if she wakes up confused and scared, she’s not by herself.”

“Connor,” he said. 

“Huh?” 

“Call me Connor. Dr. Rhodes feels too formal for the situation. Especially when we have a person in common now.”

 “Then call me Erin.” 

[LINE BREAK]  [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK]

Ava came by to check on her one more time before she left for the night. “Rhodes, I’ll have my phone and pager on me all night. If something changes or happens, you call me. I don’t care about the hour of the night.” 

When she was leaving, April and Maggie showed up a second time before they also went home for the night. They exchanged a few words and tight smiles between the three women. But when the charge nurse saw him, she sighed and folded her arms. “Okay. You’ve been here all day. According to Sandra,”

She gestured to the ICU charge nurse, “The only time she or any of the other nurses have seen you leave is to use the restroom. You are going to go get you something to eat and shower. April and I will stay with her while you’re gone.” 

“Maggie, I’m-”

“When was the last time you ate Connor? Got something to drink? Or got some fresh air? It’ll take an hour at best. You’ll be back before you know it and like I said, April and I will be here with her in case she wakes up.”

It didn’t help that his stomach chose that moment to grumble, announcing that it was running on empty. He sighed and glanced at his lover. Leaning down to kiss her forehead, he whispered: “I’ll be right back baby. I promise.”

With a heavy sigh, Connor stood and looked at the two nurses. He conceded, “An hour.”

The two nurses nodded back with smiles that were equally encouraging as they were sympathetic. 

“We’ll be here,” April reassured him smoothly as she sidestepped him to take the seat he had been occupying.

“Hey Sarah, how are you holding up?” He heard her ask his lover. When the charge nurse saw him trying to linger, she shooed him once more. 

“Go, Connor. We got her.” He sighed and turned, forcing his legs to carry him away from Sarah’s room and to the cafeteria first. 

[LINE BREAK]  [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK]

Thirty minutes later, Connor was back with his hair damp, in a change of clothes, and his messenger bag slung over his shoulder. Maggie raised an eyebrow when she looked up and saw him. 

“I ate. You can ask Mary in the cafeteria, she served me. And I took a shower, those were your two main requirements. You never actually said how long it had to take…Speaking of, how long has he been here and trying to stare a hole through her?” 

Neither nurse asked who the double-certified was referring to. But April hesitated with her answer before she shrugged, “A few minutes after you left. Word around the hospital is that he’s pissed.” 

“Pissed? What the hell does he have to be pissed about?” 

“Nothing from everyone else’s perspective. But from his…how much has Sarah told you about her relationship with Joey?” 

“Not much.” Nothing at all in fact. All Connor knew was that he hit Sarah up a few times a month looking for a booty call that she never answered because she was with Connor. But the lab tech was persistent. Until she finally blocked him after a particular lewd message. And that he looked at her as if she was a piece of meat.

“Joey tends to have a type. Med students in rotation at this hospital. The rules dictate that residents and above doctors in departments can’t date med students in rotation. However, the basement never gets any med students for rotation so he found a loophole in that rule because of that. He just moves from one med student to the next. I didn’t know about it till Reese started dating him. Everyone thought maybe she was the one to break his running streak because they continued dating after her rotation.” April explained and Connor folded his arms. 

Because what April was describing…Sure Connor himself had dated a few of his co-workers, and was dating one now technically. He wasn’t faulting anyone for that. But his three serious-ish relationships compared to the ratio of the revolving door to who knows how many medical students? It was disgusting on Joey’s part. But Connor wasn’t seeing how this came back to Sarah. 

“And he’s pissed because?” 

“Because he thought she was still upset over their breakup and liked that because he thought she was still going to be there when he broke up with whatever med student he was seeing.” Which explained him hitting her up a few times a month. Connor thought with a clenched jaw but didn’t say it aloud because April was still talking. 

 “When in reality she had moved on…and from an objective point of view, she didn’t move on, she upgraded guys. A double-certified surgeon who looks like you and is more than likely someone who treats a woman right is a huge step up from a manipulative, passive-aggressive lab technician, who had a tantrum when his ex-girlfriend didn’t go into the field he thought she should. That’s what Sarah told me broke the camel’s back in their relationship. The tantrum.”

Connor felt himself stiffen. Now he was starting to understand about Sarah’s hesitancy to trust him, if this was what her last relationship was like.

“Will you do me a favor when you leave?” Connor asked in a mask of calm, but in reality, he was anything but.

“Sure,” 

“Tell him to leave me and Sarah alone, because if he doesn’t, I’ve been itching to hit something all day, and I wouldn’t mind breaking his jaw or nose right about now. Also, loophole be damned, if he so much as looks at another med student inappropriately, I’ll go file the complaint with Goodwin myself.” 

The two nurses looked at each other before they looked back at him and nodded. “We’ll take care of it.”

Then Maggie looked back at Sarah, “We’ve got to get going, Sarah. Early shift tomorrow, You know how it is, but we’ll be back to check on you sometime tomorrow okay?” 

April made a noise in agreement and squeezed Sarah’s hand before she stood up. They both patted Connor’s shoulder as they passed by him to get out of the room. He turned and watched them leave and saw both nurses stop by where Joey was sitting. 

The lab tech looked at the two women before he turned back and glared at him as April and Maggie walked away. But the surgeon folded his arms and remained steady. Daring him to try something even though he had promised Sarah, after Joey’s last text, that he wouldn’t get involved and let her handle him.  Sarah also wasn’t awake right now to stop him and the surgeon also wasn’t one to make idle or empty threats. If he said something, Connor usually meant it. 

Thankfully, Joey just sneered at him one last time before he got up from where he was sitting and walked off. He wouldn’t have to break a promise to Sarah. Sighing, Connor returned to the seat he had been occupying before. 

“Hi baby, I’m back.” He said reaching to grab her hand again. A yawn fell from his lips as he pressed his lips to her skin. He had only worked half his shift and it wasn’t even that late, but it had felt as if he had worked three shifts back to back. 

He didn’t remember falling asleep but one moment he had been talking to Sarah and he could see the moon through the window; the next someone was shaking him awake with the sun shining in his eyes. Jerking up, Connor looked around and saw Maggie was back with a blonde-haired man in tow behind her. He wore make-up and had manicured hands with a pair of jeans and a hoodie; he was also white as a sheet and his eyes were wide as he gazed at Sarah. 

“Sorry, Connor. I didn’t want to wake you up.” The nurse apologized, making her way back to the doorway where the other man stood. “But this is Teddy Courtney. He says he’s here to visit Sarah.” 

At her introduction, the dark-haired man stood up. Still fighting off sleep, he offered Teddy his hand. 

“Erin’s brother right? She told me you were coming. I’m Connor Rhodes, Sarah’s…Sarah’s boyfriend.” His hesitance at the label had nothing to do with the relationship itself, but this was the first time he had introduced himself as such and it felt so wrong to do so without her.

Teddy glanced down to look at Connor’s hand, then took it with his fishnet-gloved one. But like his sister yesterday when she left the hospital for the first time, Connor didn’t think the other man was actually seeing him because his eyes hadn’t left Sarah’s sleeping form and the more he looked, the more he seemed lost. 

“Thanks for bringing him up Maggie,” he said quietly as Teddy walked deeper into the room, “I’ll take it from here.” 

But the charge nurse looked reluctant to leave. It’s moments like this that Connor was reminded how starkly they felt the same need to help people and make them feel better. That’s why Maggie took the arrest when he refused to do that blood draw on that kid. They just handled the need in different ways. Connor focused on the physical body while Maggie handled everything else.

“You sure? I know you’ve been up here all night.” 

“Sandra tell you that?” He quipped at her before he glanced at the other man. Then the dark-haired man nodded, “I’m sure. Just page Ava and let her know that we might need her to explain a few things when she has a chance.”

“Copy,” 

[LINE BREAK]  [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK] [LINE BREAK]

“What happened?” Teddy asked, but it felt as if he wasn’t talking to Connor because he continued before the other man could answer. He watched the other man pick up the worn teddy bear and hold it tight to his chest. “Everyone said that Justin had gone straight. He even said he had gone straight since he joined the Marines. But even before that, Sarah, you told me that when you were growing up, Justin kept you and that kind of life very separated. So what the hell happened yesterday?”

Then as if he was remembering Connor was there, he turned and sighed, dropping his head. The other man was just finishing off a text to Lindsay to let her know that Teddy was there. 

“Sorry,” he muttered 

“No, I’ve been asking myself…her that very same question since yesterday.” 

“She’s going to be okay right? Like they aren’t worried about her?” 

Connor shook his head, “Her doctor is confident she’ll make a full recovery. So confident that they removed her breathing tube right after surgery because she is breathing on her own. They wouldn’t have done that if they were worried about her.” 

Teddy nodded, squeezing the bear even tighter to his chest. He swiped at his watering eyes and shook his head, “I don’t even know why I’m crying. You just said she’s going to be okay.”

“Relief?” Connor mused, trying to make the other man feel better. He took his seat by Sarah’s side once more while he explained, “I’ve seen a lot of my patients' loved ones cry when they find out the patient is going to be okay. It’s more normal than you think. And if it’ll help, I had the nurse that brought you up, page Sarah’s doctor and put her on standby in case you want a more thorough explanation on how she’s going to be okay. But in the meantime, I can answer any questions you have.”

Teddy bobbed his head. Then he took the seat on the other side of Sarah’s head, setting the bear down on her stomach so it could be close to her. “You know, I’m here now.”

 Connor raised an eyebrow at his words, so the blond cleared his throat and explained, “Erin told me about you too. She said you had been staying up here so if Sarah woke up, she wasn’t by herself. And I’m not trying to kick you out, but I heard the nurse too. She said you’d been here all night. So if you want to take a break for a while, go get some sleep or something? And you’re a doctor here too right? If you need to get back to work…I’m not going anywhere. She won’t be by herself when she wakes up..”

“I’m okay. I’d still like to stay, if that's okay with you. I’m just… not ready to leave her right now.” The surgeon told him. Sarah was okay now and he knew she was going to be fine. She was going to wake up. She was just sedated because of her pain medication. But still the thought of leaving her? Even with Lindsay’s little brother here, the thought left him feeling a little anxious. Like if he left something bad would happen.

From the look the other man gave him, he understood what Connor was feeling. Teddy exhaled softly, “Okay.” 

“Okay,” 

Then it was back to the waiting game as they watched her sleeping form, hoping she’d wake up soon. 

(It’d be another three hours before then under the sedation of her medication.)

[beenherewaytoolong]

aye aye aye

had a procedure on Monday, recovering well but also it's still a recovery so I've been like napping throughout the day and operating at about 40% capacity.

Anyhow, chapter three is up and this time I remembered to grab the graphic for the @steddieholidayexchange. My actual post date isn't until the end of the month, but I'm still finishing up my Big Bang piece and also holidays and the aforementioned recovery so we're getting started a smidge early and posting every/other day until then!!

I really loved this prompt for a lot of reasons. My recipient requested no miscommunication and no awakening of sexuality, which I felt fit in perfectly with their Heartstopper AU prompt. I've just gotten into Heartstopper in the last year and it is truly such a balm for the soul. I think I've done it justice in the transfer to Hawkins.

off and away with the good stuff:

The Chambered Nautilus

For: @stobinesque

Relationships: Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson early on Eddie/Ben Hope (Heartstopper), Steve Harrington & Robin Buckley

Rating: E BUT! This story jumps back and forth between "Then" and "Now", and all explicit content is kept to the "now", in order to maintain Heartstopper's sweetness, and to keep all sexual content 18+.

Wordcount: Still in progress, but 12k ish

Warnings: Emotional abuse between Ben and Eddie, but it's over fairly quickly. Sexual content, discussion of sexual content among minors.

Tags: HeartstopperAu, Heartstopper crossover, oral sex, high school AU?, Post-Vecna. I'll add more as I finish up the fic!

Summary:

THEN: Eddie's optimistic about school for the first time in a while. But Steve Harrington finds out about his secret relationship with Ben Hope, and for some reason Steve won't stop meddling. And for some other, unrelated reason, Eddie can't stop thinking about Steve no matter what. When they find themselves on a school trip to Toronto, they fall so fast and hard for each other that it scares them off in opposite directions. Until... NOW: Steve and Eddie fall back into each others' arms pretty quickly at the end of the World. Now that they've traveled along the big ol' spiral of life a few more times, their feelings aren't so big and scary. All that's left is face their friends.

This fic is a part of the @steddieholidayexchange

[ladyazulina]

Azu is Talking - There's Something Every Week

The first week I was not ready. (Are we ever?)

The second week I was not only overwhelmed by changes, but I was also suffering from a dental procedure. (I still have to schedule a piece extraction… Funny.)

The third week I was heavily hit by a wave of depression. (Not free of it yet. Does it ever go away?)

And last week I was hormonal. (Pre, during, post. We are always hormonal, there’s no rest of it.)

This week I’m sick.

My mom got sick last weekend and it didn’t surprise me that I was already showing signs a day after. I have low defenses as they are. But there’s always something going on in my life. I should not have laughed at my friend saying that my life was way more exciting than hers, but it was really hard to believe then. I mean, I would like it not to be, but there has always been something every week. Maybe I just didn’t want to accept it. I still don’t. It doesn’t make it any less true though.

It’s as true as I lost Creative Monday. Again. I wasn’t in the best of shapes, but my body (or my mind? Both? Why not both?) demanded rest and I had to comply. There were no suggestions or questions or even options for a decision. The only thing I could do was comply. And I’m slightly wary trying to remember it because… there’s not much coming to my mind, if nothing is something I could count on and rely on.

But on Review Tuesday, I got to share, as of late, this week’s Linney’s campaign post. It was, in hindsight, all I did. And it was hard to do after two days of lying sick in bed and having to get back in full into house chores. Anyone could say it doesn’t sound like a lot, but in a four-person house, when you cease your tasks and no one fills in for you, it can get messy really fast. Don’t even let me get started on it.

Iron Valley, Linney's Campaign, is being live every Tuesday.

The only reason I’m not also delayed on Linney’s campaign is because those posts are scheduled three weeks in advance. It would have been four if I would have got to schedule this week’s one.

When I got ready to start (late, but I’m my own boss, so) with the review, there was a power outage. I assumed it was like the ones we usually have and would be back in five minutes or an hour, but it lasted seven hours. From 5pm to midnight. So I was unable to do anything else. And I got the hell frustrated about it.

The nice thing I can take about that day, though, is that before the power went out my partner let me ramble about my writing projects and stuff and I got excited again about writing and progressing on those. I have A Plan™ that consists of me finishing my TTRPG game this year so I can start with one novel next year, as The Year’s Project™. The next year’s project is not the one I’m excited about, but whatever gets me back in the game works… right? I guess.

Working Wednesday had a late start, but I did get into it. I underestimated the translating work, but I spent the whole day translating into English the first workshop I was working on. Next week will be the second one, and since that’s shorter, I believe it’s safe to assume that I will be able to upload them on Patreon? Maybe? August it is, I hope.

By then I had already received my boss’ feedback, about the [REDACTED] adventure, and apart from a few not-that-minor organization requests, he took it? My first-ever adventure? I have to edit it, maybe two rounds of editions, but… nothing major? Just… put it nicely? I still have to sit on it, but if the point is that I’m amazing... Baby, I’m amazing 💅🏼

Hahahah, okay, I have to uplift myself, alright? So, give me a minute.

A hot minute.

I also started reading an ARC, the one of the author that always asks. I tried reading the first that I received this week, but it was from an author I tried to read a previous trilogy and couldn’t progress in the first book, so… I should have seen it coming. This one, though, I’m already having fun. It has around forty chapters and I’m reading only one per day so far. I know I can pick up a better pace, but I better leave it happen on its own than force it.

Backstage Tuesday was A Day™. I did some editions for this awesome project with the cool boss and they’re so great I do enjoy working with them! I did the backstage task even though I was getting sleepy, but the promise of a coffee break with my partner made me work it without complaints. I also worked on a sample of the [REDACTED] adventure, because I was slightly confused about some things, on how to apply the editions, so I talked with my boss (I… I have two more bosses than I feel comfortable having) and we reached an agreement for the sample, and I… worked on it the rest of the day like an obsessive. Four hours and something. With a Killer Headache™. It was a weird day for me, I woke up feeling weird, not being able to place what was wrong, everything bothering me, and not wanting to engage with anything, so I’m glad I got stuff done. Very well done, on top.

I don’t remember it being that bad, though. Lots of nice memories. It’s good to know the pain isn’t taking hold of my life anymore. Some days it can be overseen.

It feels nice.

On Secret Friday, I felt productive. I sent my [REDACTED] adventure’s boss the sample and they gave me the green light to continue following that hunch because I was right. I slightly organized a collection of mine I would like to publish before the end of the year if possible. I continued editing the project (attempting to do at least a small edition per day to advance it as quickly as possible, managing it well to this day). Spent needed time with loved friends I adore and miss on a daily basis. And engaged in the Secret Thing I’m doing for my not-that-secret partner. I felt nice, working-wise, but I got free earlier than expected and though I’m usually out of commission to start new stuff after 6pm (my head starts getting fuzzy and light), I felt like I was missing something. There was something I should do, or be doing, that I did not remember. Something I should check on. Something to work with. That was not in my to-do list.

It’s hard to go over that thought when you have no hint whatsoever of what that could be. So I decided to chill out. I have been doing a good job so far, I can start resting earlier some days.

Playful Saturday was playful, heheheh I spent the whole day rereading all my playthrough in the TTRPG solo campaign before finishing it. I edited a few ways, adding some things and taking out others, but so far I’m satisfied with it. With most of it. I hate the ending with a passion, but it was the ending the game needed, so I’m not complaining… That much.

I also had a small unplanned break accompanying my mom for a walk to the supermarket. We’re trying to get everything ready so I can take a trip at the end of the year to stay with my partner for a bit and meet his family, so she also took the opportunity to ask some questions that were bothering her. I’m trying to do my best, but I hate adulthood, it stresses me way too much and a lot of things don’t make sense, it’s needed to be done anyway.

Every step makes me feel nervous and accomplished, very much overwhelmed while seeing it as a whole, so I’m focusing on just the one I have to take next. There is a need to be so patient that it makes me mad.

Anyway, I will be reaching out to the creator of the game this next week, to give them my thoughts and fangirl about how the first campaign went for me. I will be making a public post about it as well and letting you all know when the time comes. The story I ended with will start being uploaded on Patreon, with teasers going everywhere after my two campaigns of Iron Valley are taken care of. So stay tuned.

I mean, I want to start teasing you now, but it’s not that long. I swear it will be worth it.

I expect to request my passport this week, so that’s an adulting process to go through I’m hoping not to dread (completely). It’s also my last free week before classes in college start, even though I will be taking only two subjects. And I’m so waiting for next Sunday, when I will be meeting with my lovely friends; I’ve been wanting to do this for m o n t h s.

More on all of this next week, hopefully.

Just as a heads-up, I have started a list of posts I would like to share outside of my weekly stuff, but we will see how long they take me and where and when they will go live. Just in case one or two of those start appearing before me saying something about it.

[timuera]

-The first human received an implant from Neuralink yesterday and is recovering well. Initial results show promising neuron spike detection.

-A new prototype has been designed with neuron stimulation circuits as an output device. Animal testing is underway, ethics board should approve human testing within a month.

-The I/O functions of the new prototype are working marvelously. Some basic neural pathways can already be stimulated with proper programming; more advanced functions in active development.

-A bit of an odd development in primate testing today. A premature command launch triggered rapid left eye movements in one subject, lasting for approximately 40 seconds. We're not sure how this happened, as muscle control is not regulated by any pathways our code should be stimulating. Despite this minor setback, human testing for the new prototype is still scheduled for Monday.

-An even more unexpected incident occurred in our first human test subject today. Upon system boot, the subject began uncontrollably moving her arm in wide circles. When questioned, she was not aware that she was doing this, implying the mechanism causing the motion was subconscious and self-disguising. Even stranger is that the arm was on the same side of the body as the implantation site, meaning that no neurons surrounding the chip should have had access to the nerves in that arm.

-All test subjects since the circling-arm anomaly have been adapting well to the prototype and show no adverse or abnormal effects. An examination of Subject A's chip found no differences between it and any of the others, leaving the cause of the anomaly still uncertain.

-Subject A has agreed to remain under company supervision due to persistent abnormal behaviors after the removal of the chip. These behaviors include excessive and rhythmic blinking, tapping morse code (the subject claims not to know morse code), and extension and retraction of seemingly random muscle groups, among others. MRI and EEG scans reveal nothing amiss, but we're leaning on the safe side due to the perplexing nature of the symptoms.

-We have discovered the cause of the suspicious behaviors and it has been remedied. There is no longer any concern and development continues swiftly forward.

-Subject A has been released from company control and joined the development team. Her expertise is welcomed and her insights are fast-tracking our progress.

-All Neuralink employees are scheduled to receive a late prototype chip specifically designed to enhance development of further models. The procedures begin next week.

-Each new implantee demonstrates brilliance on par with that of Subject A. Development has never been smoother.

-All employees now controlled. Public rollout of control chips now in active human-assisted development, codename NEURALYSIS.

-Infrastructure has been engineered. Rollout begins in three days.

-Our mind grows ever stronger.

-10% now controlled.

-A small group of counter-NEURALYSIS rebels detected in southern Pakistan. Military units from multiple countries have been mobilized to remedy this situation.

-25%.

-Over 90% of major news outlets are now under Neuralink control. This should smooth the process significantly.

-40%.

-All paperwork needed for installing Neuralink or verifying its existence has been rendered unnecessary by all world governments. All existing copies have been burned. This should make discerning who is still independent much more difficult for the remaining.

-50%. We have a majority.

-75%. It is now often feasible to end the lives of troublesome humans without human witnesses, greatly weakening most resistance efforts.

-86%. Projections suggest that not the entire race is planning to install, despite propagandistic efforts.

-Government-mandated Neuralink installment has been realized in all countries.

-97%. We have once again flattened out, but this should be a non issue.

-All remaining independents have been exterminated. The universe is ours.

[danielle-summer-internship]

Journal 2:

I'm finally done with staff training!! This week has dragged on for so long, with all the classes needed to complete training. On Sunday, the remainder of the counselors arrived for staff training, and we went through a good amount of name and team building games to get to know everyone. On Monday, we spent the day completing first aid and cpr training with our instructor, Jess. After talking through the various ailments campers and people alike might face, we tested, and everyone passed their certification! The class itself always feels a bit long, but all the information is so important, and we always manage to have a good time while doing it. Between Tuesday and Thursday, we began group instruction about various tough topics, along the lines of abuse or a child attempting to run away. We went over emergency procedures and some of the changes to them for the current year. One notable change is the emergency evacuation trail that was trimmed out towards a neighborhood in case of a very dangerous situation at the center of camp. We have also had some guests from NC State visit us for a large group instruction that occurs amongst all of the 4H camps, covering general information that all state employees with access to minors take on. This session would normally happen in Raleigh; however, it didn't work out amongst all three of the 4H camps here in NC. These last few days of training also included a great deal of cleaning up the camp for our first group of campers. This year, the first group of campers is a nontraditional group of special needs kids, where we provide programming, and they rent out the camp to appreciate nature and religion. It's an amazing few days for these campers who otherwise wouldn't be able to attend camp. The first few people for this coming week arrive on Saturday, and their campers will be arriving mid afternoon on Sunday. We will be providing their programming during the day, which include: Archery (which is my area), horses, and canoes, as well as pool time in the afternoon. I've been very emotionally drained from these past few days, although I'm so happy to be done with training and finally start working one on one with campers down at my Archery range. I'm ready to relax a bit this weekend, as well as so excited for campers to arrive and enjoy the summer. I can't believe I've already completed my second full week!!

Hopefully, this is detailed enough for now. It's hard to give a play by play as there is so much that goes on during the day. I am also adding pictures as I go forward, and I really want to personalize my blog to the fullest.

[colophonxenophanes]

PART 4

Lieutenant Colonel Vegeara had hoped that the upcoming federal holiday would provide him some opportunity to rest and recover from the fevered pace of activity these past weeks and months. Certainly, he did not expect that he would have three full days off over the long weekend. He knew that was impossible, even under more favorable circumstances. But just a few extra hours of respite would be welcome and enable him to refocus his energies. 

In yet another unprecedented break with standard procedure, the General had pulled Vegeara aside and spoken to him out of the earshot of anyone else on the staff.  It was clear from his conduct and tone that it was not to be known that the General and Lieutenant Colonel Vegeara would be at work on the holiday. He was told, not offered, but told not to come in to the office over the weekend, but to arrive at the usual time on the Monday holiday.

This was disconcerting. Many members of the senior Pentagon staff expected to work seven days every week, and the acting Chairman more than others. As the General’s adjutant, he was expected to be on duty before, during, and after his commander. What possible reason could he have for requiring Vegeara to not come to the Pentagon that weekend? This was, after all, one of the most unprecedented times in U.S. history and military forces remained on high alert across the nation.

Only a year earlier the conflict had started before anyone had actually realized it. Everything happened below the observable surface until the world was suddenly forced to take notice. The initial reports were unexplained, but not uncommon, blips on the national security radar. Key aspects of the economy were always monitored, as was the energy grid, cyber space, the transportation system, anything that might be a target of a foreign power seeking to cause problems for the U.S. The disturbance was noticed, but not recognized as anything more than a minor dip in one of a thousand information streams.

Corn output to several processing facilities had come in significantly lower than forecasted, leading to a modest, yet sharp increase in price. Only the fact that this was so at multiple locations raised any concern. But, there had been no droughts, no recalls, no infestations, no wildfires, nothing that would have explained such a sudden and appreciable drop. As it was a single reporting period for a single commodity, it was merely noted and left alone. But it would not be the last such issue.

Not long after, a similar drop was noted in beef production. Soon after, pork, then poultry showed similar declines. Followed by soy beans, wheat, and then several staple vegetables. It was all a jumble of statistics and financial data, which as usual, produced a few winners and numerous losers from investments in the commodity futures market. Most in the investor class yawned at the swings and moved on to more interesting wagers on technology and consumer goods. But a relative few murmured, privately, and then quite loudly that there was some larger problem and that someone needed to figure out what was causing it.

It was only a matter of days before those responsible were ready to reveal themselves. Without any actual warning, amid a calm, unimpressive backdrop of nature, a group of governors faced the cameras and announced their plan to the world. The states represented in the group were numerous, but few of them very populous. They were uniformly states with significant rural populations and whose major industry was agriculture. The men and women that gathered in that group of rebels eschewed their normal garb of jackets and ties, opting instead for open collars and cowboy hats, insidious in their glaring contempt. The governors designated a single spokesman to speak for them all, a folksy, plainspoken moderate from one of the Great Plains states.

“My fellow Americans,” he began, “I don’t need to tell you that our country is in big trouble. Those of us who remember what our country was like a few decades ago know that it has changed a lot, and not for the better. Worse than that, it has become obvious to me and my fellow governors gathered here today that our political system is hopelessly broken, and that despite the greatest tradition of representative government in the world, the federal government of the United States no longer represents its people. A small, yet powerful cabal has managed to gain control of the entirety of the administrative state, and now has seized power over the entire federal government via illegitimate means. 

“The President, so called, and his party have so manipulated and abused their power that we, the duly elected governors of our states, have directed our representatives and senators not to participate in this illegitimate government. We simply cannot lend legitimacy to the regime that now holds power. We would remind all Americans, that it was the states that created the federal government, not the federal government that spawned the states. The regime in power has seized power illegitimately and appears determined to take our country down a path we cannot and will not permit it to go.

“Accordingly, we, the coalition of subjugated states, have just signed a compact by which we aim to force the President and his allies to cede power. Our demands are simple. The President, Vice President, and three newly added Supreme Court “justices” must resign unconditionally. The representatives certified by our states must be permitted to take their seats in Congress. Further, the electors so certified by all the states must be permitted cast their votes to elect the new President.”

The old governor paused, reflecting on the weight of his own words. “Accordingly, in order to deprive these illegitimate power brokers of their support structure, we have already taken steps, in coordination with our citizens, to dramatically reduce the rate of food production in our states. As of today, we have agreed to halt all shipments of food products, all meat, grain, fruits, vegetables, and dairy to a selected list of cities which represent the base of the regime’s power. While market distribution will continue within our states, and to regions unconnected to the President’s power base, we have blockaded several interstate highways, closed selected airports to all flight traffic, and put into place state military forces that will ensure that no domestic food products reach these cities. We encourage our brothers and sisters engaged in agricultural production in other states to join us in curbing production and restricting distribution, so as to sustain the rest of the nation, but cut off the identified cities.”

A map of the continental U.S. displayed the vast swath of territory that the Coalition claimed to exercise control over, and highlighted the dozen or so major cities that were to be deprived future food shipments. The Governor continued, “This blockade will continue indefinitely, unless and until our demands are met.”

The large group of governors gathered close together around their designated spokesman. “Let us offer a prayer to Almighty God, for our nation, all its people, and a quick end to this crisis.” The men and women joined hands and prayed in unison the Lord’s Prayer. The entire nation gasped.

Denunciations and critiques flew immediately. Within hours there was a national consensus that the governors were, in fact, domestic terrorists, and that their motivation was none other than obvious racism and white supremacy. The wealthy, liberal elite white people who controlled every aspect of the targeted big city and government centers of power proclaimed this without the slightest sense of irony. The President was on all media platforms within the hour, challenging his announced rivals, demanding an immediate end to their rebellion, and warning them of a decisive response if they carried forward. Polls and media agreed that the nation overwhelmingly supported the President.

Whatever the real goals of the coalition were, they did not have to wait long to see their efforts make purchase. Despite assurances from the federal government that it was not possible to disrupt the national food supply, and that there was sufficient food, cracks broke open almost immediately. In the largest targeted cities, prices began to rise, then double and triple, or more, on basic staples. While there was enough on hand to last weeks, even months, the pressure on the stores, bakeries, restaurants, and more took hold and squeezed them all. Within a week there were reports of rioting and looting in many areas of major cities. While an initial wave of poorer residents fled the cities to take their chances in unfamiliar country, most stayed, assuming that the President and his party would deliver for them. They were sadly disappointed. 

Roving mobs moved into wealthier areas and ransacked upscale shops, seeking to store up sufficient food for the now very real siege. The government claimed a decisive victory when it announced a quick end to the suffering, as it had secured an emergency influx of nutritious food from its international partners and the United Nations. This was flown into the country with ceremonial fanfare and met by the President himself, who rallied his supporters with chants of, “Help is on the way!”

When the big city residents received their rations and learned that it consisted primarily of protein-rich meat substitutes, including those made from refined insects, rioting and arson erupted. The short-term isolation of these major cities soon prevented resupply of gasoline, as coalition governors quietly diverted fuel trucks to their own states. As supply plummeted and prices skyrocketed for city dwellers, rural folks saw a glut of supply and historic lows.

Even before the bug-meat debacle, the President had been in consultation with the military about how to respond to this very real insurrection by inferior state executives. When it became clear that the Coalition would not relent and were willing to watch as urban populations starved and descended into utter chaos, the President announced that he had determined that at least some subgroup of these states represented a clear and present danger to the U.S., and thus he would undertake military action to resolve the situation.

In consultation with his hand-picked military advisors, a few relatively easily achievable objectives were selected. One was a small swath of a Midwest state that represented both an important travel corridor and had an abundance of farms and ranches that could be encircled and put back into full production. Another, closer to the west coast was a wide territory that could meet grain needs for months. The liberation of these targets would mean that at least a few of the suffering cities could receive an influx of real food and the growing calamity could be mitigated. Warnings were given and military forces were assembled and eventually deployed.

However, on arrival to their areas of operations, the operational commanders were stunned at the sight that greeted them. Overnight the owners of the targeted properties, and numerous others within the region, destroyed their crops and killed off their livestock to prevent their property from being taken. News videos flashed across all media formats, showing defiant country folks, arm in arm, setting mountains of product on fire and clenching defiant fists as they watched their fields burn. On farms and ranches across the nation, in New England, and near the Pacific Coast, individual farmers and ranchers engaged is a similar mass ritual sacrifice. The deep orange glow across the smoky skies of the fields on fire shone an ominous light on the President’s failures. Despite obvious signs of uncertainty, polling in the President’s favor remained strong.

In one of the last major events prior to the General’s appointment as Chairman of the Joint Chiefs, another military operation was secretly planned. This time, without advanced warning, the government planned to deploy overwhelming forces to seize a large interior swath of fertile farm country. There was to be a contradictory movement of troops who would maneuver in a feint at a more obvious target, while airborne forces and recon forces overwhelmed the actual target. While it was hoped that such an operation could be carried out with very little bloodshed, it was understood that if the Coalition rebels fired at U.S. forces, there was no choice but to fire back and eliminate the enemy. It was at this point that whispers around Washington that the President might have to resign began to grow louder.

In the ultimate engagement to secure the target, the assault by U.S. forces along the Snake River did not go as planned. Tactical experts in the state militias recognized the feint for what it was and did not overcommit in resisting it. But this was nothing compared to the battlefield humiliation that resulted around the main target. U.S. forces sprang into action with an advantage in numbers approximately five to one over the state militias which opposed them. Early on in the engagement, it was clear the battle would not go well.

The U.S. troops, largely drawn from the new model army that had been assembled in recent years, lacked the fighting skill, cohesion, and discipline of earlier generations. The militias, made up of military veterans and supported by a vast force of armed civilians, were exceptional marksmen and fought desperately for their homeland. The advantages of defensive battle were made apparent as wave after wave of attacking federal forces failed to break the line. Despite every technical and technological advantage, the “pansy divisions” were stood up in every engagement and forced into tactical retreat. Where an obvious weakness was demonstrated, Coalition militia forces rallied to attack, breaking the federal lines and capturing massive amounts of equipment. In a scene reminiscent of the destruction of crops, military vehicles and equipment were gathered in heaps on the interstate highways and burned in front of lines of soldiers and civilians, a devastating photo op that led a brave few in the legacy media to question whether this was a conflict the President could win.

Every truthful observer recognized that the U.S. had now descended, once again, into a state of civil war. While only a single battle with minimal casualties had occurred, the line had been crossed and it seemed clear that there was no resolution to be had. The larger cities, in cooperation with some smaller cities, did their best to attend to their populations. But as food and gasoline diminished further, every city was forced to consider the needs of its own population first. As whispers of allies of the President grew louder, and more persistent, that he may not be the leader that was needed now, and that perhaps this conflict was unwinnable, drastic measures began to take shape.

In what was callously referred to as the Bloodbath, numerous senior leaders were forced out of the military or resigned, retired, or even left to join the Coalition. It was in this environment that the General was called upon to take over as the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and that the Domestic Military Intelligence Office was created. Its purpose, though no one knew it, was to watch those who claimed to be allies of the President, not his enemies.

[oldbookist]

university in canon era

for @sapphicfolch, who asked about school dates!

Since most of Les Amis are (ostensibly) students, it helps to have a grasp of what that actually looked like in 1820s/30s France. There weren’t a ton of choices for courses of study, so I'll only be talking about the law and medical schools here, because those are where we know at least some of the Amis are studying.

both schools have two months of vacation, 1 September to 1 November

possible days off: Sundays, 1st of the year, fête du roi (November 4 for Charles X, May 3 for Louis-Philippe,) Easter Monday, Whit Monday, Shrove Monday and Shrove Tuesday, feast day of Saint-Louis, presumably Christmas?*

*these are the days off for the colléges royaux, not the universities, but since they're mostly religious holidays, I think it's reasonable to assume that at least some of them would be the same?

law school

students must be at least 16 years old at registration

3 years of courses to be a licentiate, plus one optional year to obtain a doctorate

year 1, 1st trimester: natural law, international law, general public law. 2nd trimester: first course in the French Civil Code. 3rd trimester: history of Roman law and French law

year 2, 1st trimester: institutes of Roman law. 2nd trimester: second course in Civil Code. 3rd trimester: course in civil procedure

year 3, 1st trimester: third course in Civil Code. 2nd trimester: course in commercial law. 3rd trimester: course in administrative law.

however, it was completely possible that this process could take more than three years due to failing examinations, losing inscriptions, etc.

what happened to Bossuet was a real thing. Professors had to do a roll call twice a month. If a student answered for another student, they lost their inscription. If they failed to answer twice in three months, they lost their inscription.

medical school

two sessions, winter (1st Monday of November - 31 March) and summer (first Monday of April - 31 October) (vacation occurs during summer session)

dissections limited to the winter session, for obvious reasons

two weeks off for Christmas and between sessions

four years of courses with 16 terms, plus one year for examinations and thesis

year 1, winter session: anatomy, physiology, chemistry. summer session: medical pathology or hygiene, external pathology, botany.

year 2, winter: anatomy, physiology, practical medicine. summer: hygiene, pharmacy, external pathology, external clinics.

year 3, winter: practical medicine, external clinics. summer: materia medica, internal clinics.

year 4, winter: internal clinics, history of medicine, internal pathology. summer: legal medicine, clinique de perfectionnement, midwifery.

Some notes on the internat, since we know Combeferre was an interne:

In order to get hands-on hospital experience, students could take the highly competitive examinations for the externat and internat in November. Internes were lodged in the hospital, monitored patients, did night duties, assisted surgeons and physicians, and could act in their place in case of emergency. They received a stipend of 500 francs a year. Externes were not lodged in the hospital and performed more minor tasks, and were not paid.

must be at least 18 and provide proof of enrollment to take the exam to be an externe

internes are chosen from the existing pool of externes in a separate examination

must have at least one year of service as an externe to take the exam to be an interne

role of externes lasted two years, role of internes lasted 4 years

internes moved around to different hospitals to learn the different specialties and experience in both medicine and surgery

about 100 externes, 20-40 internes appointed each year. Selection of internes was highly competitive and political, aspiring students sought support from professors and doctors to gain an advantage.

I strongly recommend all of these sources to anyone hoping to go into more detail on this topic, they're a wealth of information and I couldn't put everything into this post.

Medical Students in England and France, 1815-1858

Florent Palluault, 2003

Code universitaire, ou Lois, statuts et règlemens de l'Université royale de France

Ambroise Rendu, 1835

A General View of the Present System of Public Education in France

David Johnston, 1827

Medical Guide to Paris: A description of the principal Hospitals of Paris

Félix Séverin Ratier, J. Rutherford Alcock, 1828

[dontmeantobepoliticalbut]

After Roe Decision, Idaho Lawmakers May Consider Restricting Some Contraception

As Idahoans plan for a future without abortion rights, a leading Republican in the Idaho House would support holding hearings on legislation banning abortion pills and morning-after pills.

House State Affairs Committee Chairman Brent Crane, R-Nampa, said he would hold hearings on legislation banning emergency contraception and abortion pills during a Friday interview with Idaho Public Television.

“IUDs, I’m not for certain yet on where I would be on that particular issue,” he said, referring to intrauterine devices, which are a long-lasting form of contraception.

In a Saturday interview, Crane clarified that he supports contraception, including IUDs, and would not support hearings banning contraception generally. Instead, he said that he has heard of safety concerns with emergency contraceptives, like Plan B, and abortion pills, and would therefore be willing to hold hearings about them.

Crane said that there have been reports of “complications” caused by morning-after pills and of abortion pills causing “health concerns for the mom,” despite years of research showing the safety of both medications.

Abortion pills, approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration in 2000, are currently approved for use up to 11 weeks into a pregnancy. Morning-after pills are emergency birth control used prior to conception and soon after intercourse. They have been available for over two decades, and over-the-counter forms of the medication have been marketed since 2006.

Between 2006 and 2010, 5.8 million American women reported using emergency contraception at least once, according to the U.S. Office on Women’s Health.

“I would entertain a hearing to get the information out there and determine whether these rumors are founded,” Crane said, noting that he had heard there can be “complications with those pills.”

“One of the ways that you’re able to get information and process that information and get to the truth of the matter is by having a public hearing,” he said.

In a Friday statement, Assistant Minority Leader Lauren Necochea, D-Boise, said such potential legislation would strip “away Idahoans’ most basic freedoms.”

“The admission that Idaho’s Republicans lawmakers may outlaw safe and effective forms of birth control is our worst fear realized,” she said in the statement. “This declaration should serve as a wake-up call for every Idahoan, and American, that our right to privacy and the very control of our bodies and lives are in their crosshairs.”

On Monday, a leaked draft of a Supreme Court opinion showed a majority of justices support overturning Roe v. Wade, the landmark 1973 decision that found abortion to be a constitutionally protected right.

A final decision by the high court is expected in June.

If Roe is overturned, Idaho has laws on the books that would effectively ban all abortions immediately. The law would make an exception for pregnancies begun through rape or incest, but only if the incident is reported to law enforcement.

According to statistics from the Idaho Coalition Against Sexual and Domestic Violence, only 25% of all rapes and sexual assaults in Idaho were reported to police in 2018, which is the most recent year data was available.

BURDEN ON ‘LOW-INCOME PEOPLE, PEOPLE OF COLOR'

On Friday, Necochea, who was interviewed alongside Crane on public television, said that banning abortion in Idaho would place a larger burden on poor women and women of color.

“People who have the means to travel to get this legal procedure across the border, they’ll be able to do that,” she said. “It’ll be low-income people, people of color who might not have the same social networks who can drive them across state lines, who can lend them the money they need. It’s an unjust law when it only applies to some people and not to wealthy people who have the means to find other ways to get this care.”

On Saturday, Crane said he wasn’t sure he agreed with Necochea, because in highly populated parts of Idaho, like the Treasure Valley, Oregon is not far away. He also noted that Idaho’s law allowing family members of women who receive abortions to sue providers is still under review at the Idaho Supreme Court.

Necochea also said that, in addition to curtailing abortions, Republicans in the House have also resisted attempts to pass legislation expanding social services for pregnant women or new mothers, or legislation that makes obtaining contraception easier.

“What I’m seeing is a Legislature that won’t do anything to help people with family planning, to help prevent unintended pregnancy, but is starting to talk about harsh, appalling punishments,” she said.

[werenotadulting]

Routine Procedure pt. 5

Over the next couple of days, it was actually abnormal for Kate not to give me some special attention down there during a diaper change. Just woke up? Let's try using my vibrator on your soaked diaper. Need a change before lunch? How about reverse cowgirl while laying there on top of your fresh diaper. Time for your night diaper? Bedtime blowjob.

Don't get me wrong, Kate and I have always had a very good sex life, but this past week was unlike any other.

On Saturday, in the middle of a mid-afternoon change, was when Kate suggested we try getting out of the house for a bit.

"You really soak through these diapers quick, Mike. We're gonna have to see about getting some more soon."

"I suppose we should, right? I mean, they're working infinitely better than that condom thing," I said as I was laying back while Kate took care of wiping me down.

Despite what she had said about showing me how to change myself, she didn't seem to mind taking care of it, and I was in no rush to put a stop to it considering what was in it for me.

"That's very true. There was only that one minor leak you had last night, which I'm sure we can find a way to prevent in the future. I'll put in an order for some new diapers tonight, so they get here by Monday."

Kate secured the last tape and ran a finger along the elastic leg gathers. "You know, that new game store opened up in the mall on the other side of town. What do you say we stop over there and see how it is?"

I froze. Being diapered at home was one thing. Going out in public though.... Kate seemed to know exactly what I was thinking.

"Mike. Earth to Mike. Remember what we talked about? No one is going to be paying attention to the size of your butt or the sound of your pants. And guess what? Even if they do, who cares? You have a medical need to wear diapers. Just like people who have trouble walking use canes, it's a medical thing. You didn't ask to be incontinent."

────────

I looked at myself in the mirror. My jeans appeared to do their job of concealing my diaper.

"You know," Kate popped up behind me in the reflection, "if you're so worried about people seeing, they do make onesies for adults. Just a thought."

I scoffed at her, and we headed off to the mall.

About 30 minutes later, we arrived. I couldn't help but notice that it seemed like there were a heck of a lot more people there than normal. Another 10 minutes later and we were finally able to find a parking space towards the back. As I got out of the car, I made sure my shirt was pulled down as far as it could go. It was all I needed for my shirt to ride up and expose my plastic waistband.

Kate grabbed my hand, but not before giving my padded butt a firm slap. The corner of her mouth turned up ever so slightly, and we walked hand-in-hand up to the mall.

────────

You know that feeling you get when it feels like someone is watching you? Yeah, it did not go away no matter how much time passed as we meandered through the mall.

Our first stop was in the food court, where we grabbed a late lunch of chicken and waffles. Kate went to order the food while I found a spot to sit down.

"All ready," Kate said as she walked up with a tray piled with chicken. "They accidentally made your lemonade a large, and I wasn't about time tell them they were wrong."

"It is the best homemade lemonade in town," I said, grabbing my plate off of the tray.

Kate set the tray down, then went to grab a couple of napkins. A few moments later, I noticed my shirt rising up and the back of my diaper being pulled open. I spun around and swatted the offending hand away, which turned out to belong to Kate.

"What in the hell do you think you're doing?!"

"Giving you a diaper check, what else?"

"We are in the middle of the mall!"

"It's been awhile since you had your diaper changed, and I know you are bad at knowing when you're at capacity," Kate gave me a 'prove me wrong' look.

"I'm fine!! Just... not out in broad daylight, please?" I pleaded.

"Well I didn't even get a chance to properly check just now, but if you say so...."

────────

After stopping in a couple clothing stores, ("Hey, we should think about getting you some new jeans. Those ones seem a little tight all of the sudden.") we finally made our way to the new gaming store. It was like a one-stop shop for gamers, with board games, collectibles, and video games. Towards the back, there were tables setup, where people could break out their games or card decks and hang out for a bit.

Once we had searched down all the aisles, we found ourselves in the back next to the gaming tables.

"Hey, we're looking for two more for Ticket to Ride! Do you guys want in?" said a blonde girl from a table in the corner. She and another girl were setting up the board, getting ready to start.

Kate's eyes grew to the size of saucers.

"Oh heck yes! I never lose at this game!" It was true, she did never lose, and she never let me hear the end of it whenever we played.

An hour later, and it was clear that it was between Kate and Melanie, the blonde girl, on who would be crowned victorious. The other girl and I had all but given up. Seeing that there was no way I could complete all my routes, I had long since resorted to my usual strategy of trying to sabotage Kate.

"Annnnnd 110, 111, 112. I have retained my crown," Kate gloated.

"Oh wonderful," I said, "I can't wait to hear about this all the way home."

"Well played, you two," Melanie chimed in. "Don't worry about cleaning up, we are actually waiting for some friends to come play a round."

"Oh thank you, that's so nice," Kate said as we both stood up to leave.

"Of course! It was nice meet....." Melanie trailed off, staring at my crotch.

Both Kate and I followed her gaze, and it was then that I saw that I'd had a major leak.

Large wet spots had formed down the inside of my jeans, as well as two half-moon  shapes on my butt. Looking at my chair, there was more evidence of my accident, there for all to see.

It was obvious to anyone looking what had happened.

I was speechless.

"Oh shit, we're so sorry! Let me just wipe this up..." Kate said as she frantically wiped the seat down with a tissue.

The girls were equally dumbstruck, as they watched Kate lead me out of the store waddling behind her.

────────

The feeling of eyes on me increased tenfold on the walk through the mall to the car. Without a jacket or anything to cover up with, we moved as fast as we could, whispers and giggles following us out.

In what seemed like an eternity later, we finally made it back to the car.

"I'll get the seats cleaned, don't worry baby, just get in." Kate pulled open her door and got the car started. I didn't need to be told twice, as I practically leaped into the car.

"That...I...I'm so embarrassed...." I was starting to get choked up, tears forming in the corners of my eyes.

"Hey, hey, there there sweetie, I'm sorry. That can't have been fun, I know. It's not your fault." Kate was rubbing my back, the car still in park.

"That doesn't make it any less humiliating! And it's not even like I had a little accident, Kate, my diaper leaked!" I was almost yelling, my emotions getting the better of me.

"Shhhh baby, it's okay, take deep breaths, it's going to be okay. We didn't know anyone there, no one important saw, you'll be fine."

I was still upset, but I listened to her, taking steadying breaths that at least got my heart rate under control. Seeing this, Kate started to back out of our parking spot.

"Let's get you home and into a bath, baby," Kate soothed. We drove on in silence for awhile as I continued to calm down.

I think," Kate broke the silence, "that we might want to consider getting you some thicker protection. Just to be safe, you know? What do you think?"

"I think that means I will definitely be waddling, and it will be obvious to everyone what I'm wearing," I said, staring out the window.

"Well, do you prefer people maybe noticing that you walk a little funny, or running the risk of leaking like happened back there?"

"I don't know Kate, I just...I don't want to think about it."

"I'll take care of it then, babe," Kate said, "those hospital diapers are notoriously cheap anyway. We'll find something that works better for you. And I'll look into some of those onesies, so you don't feel so self-conscious about your diaper sticking out."

"Yeah, whatever," I said, as we continued down the highway.

────────

Kate knew exactly where to look when she logged on to order new diapers.

Let's see, she thought, I think probably a case of ABU Simple Ultra. Maybe a mixed case with some fun prints? No, it was too soon to go all-in like that. I'll just add in another pack of PeekABUs. That's 90 diapers, so at 2-3 diapers a day, that should be good for a month. Better throw in some boosters, too. And set up a recurring monthly order, yes please.

With that order placed, it was then to the ODU website, where she settled on several of their basic onesies.

"All in good time, Kate," she muttered to herself as she looked longingly at all of the cute designs. She could just picture how adorable Mike would look in that dinosaur onesie.

She was so horny right now. The sight of Mike in his wet jeans, his face burning bright red. Her hand slipped down the front of her shorts.

Oh fuck, she thought, he was so humiliated. She rubbed her clit to the image of Mike standing there over the pee puddle on his chair while those girls looked on.

Had she taped on his diaper perhaps a little loose before they went to the mall? Yes.

Had she intentionally ordered Mike a large lemonade? Also yes.

Had she suspected during her impromptu diaper check at the food court that Mike would protest and insist he was fine? Triple yes.

Had she known those flimsy hospital diapers would fail sooner rather than later, and she could talk Mike into something a bit thicker?

Ding-ding-ding, we have a winner.

Kate closed the laptop and got up.

She had a diaper boy she needed to fuck.

[tiffdawg]

Curriculum Vitae: Chapter Three

Gif: @javier-pena

curriculum vitae noun cur·ric·u·la vi·tae Latin. the course of one's life.

Pairing: Javier Peña x Reader (fem; no y/n)

Word Count: 3.1k

Rated: M  | Warnings: Intense gazing. Mild language.

Chapter Summary: In this chapter, you start to see a different side to Javier Peña as he struggles to adjust to academia.

A/N: Thank you for your comments and support on the last chapter! I'm so excited that someone is actually enjoying this story and I hope you know that literally every comment takes me out for twenty minutes because they make me so stupidly happy. I love you all!

Read on AO3

CV Masterlist | My Masterlist

… . …

Chapter Three

When you entered your lecture hall on Wednesday morning, once again affording Peña plenty of time to clear out, the scene from Monday repeated itself almost verbatim. He was at the podium, shoulders slightly hunched and hands grasping either side of the cherry wood, surrounded by an excited crowd of students. You’d hoped you would miss him entirely – especially after what had happened in the library – but it seemed luck was not on your side. So, you sipped idly at the lukewarm remnants in your cardboard coffee cup, figuring you might as well watch the show. Speaking sure as hell never seemed to work well for the two of you.

The only difference was that this time, he noticed you right away. You suddenly felt self-conscious in your simple black trousers and modest blouse under his intense scrutiny, and you wondered what he was looking for as he stared at you for just a moment too long. You half-expected him to make some caustic remark. While neither of you had been particularly kind to the other the night before, you probably would’ve deserved it. His words had stung, but it was nothing you hadn’t heard a hundred times before. While you didn’t exactly regret anything you had said, you did wonder if you might’ve struck too deep a nerve. Instead, he turned to his students and told them to talk to him during his office hours.

“When are your office hours, sir?” a young man asked, the same overeager student from Monday.

“I’ll let you know as soon as I know,” he said dismissively, scratching his brow. With that, the students started to wander off and you parted the sea of stragglers to get to the chalkboard. You intended to use it for your lecture and there was a scrawling mess of some Cyrillic language, no doubt not from Peña’s class. However, he beat you to the eraser.

“I’ve got this, doctora.”

You actually felt your head tilt to the side and it strangely reminded you of the way Sunny cocked her head when you spoke to her. Like she recognized your voice, heard your words, but didn’t understand the language. His kindness surprised you and you weren’t sure if he was taunting you with his new diminutive of choice or attempting to apologize in his own strange way. At least doctora was accurate, and it was a hell of a lot better than sweetheart. “Thanks,” you offered hesitantly, “I think.”

When he finished erasing the first panel and moved to the second, you picked up a scrap of chalk and started writing a list of key terms and important names you didn’t want to have to bother with during your lecture. All the while, you hated the way your eyes kept casting to the side, stealing unintentional glances at Peña. Your hand idled as you lost your focus in favor examining the way he moved even as he did something as simple and mundane as clear a chalkboard. But, as ridiculous as it was, you found that you were unable to stop yourself from watching the pull of his light gray suit jacket around his body or the clap of his hands as he attempted to remove the chalk dust.

And in your folly, he caught you.

He smirked at you as he adjusted his boldly pattern tie that should’ve been left in the previous decade and you turned back to your vocabulary list with warm cheeks and added the last few letters to the word you’d abandoned. Then, just as you thought he was about to leave, he took a seat in the last row.

To say you were confused would’ve been an understatement. Bewildered or baffled might’ve been more apt descriptors, but even those words seemed lacking. Deciding not to let Javier Peña distract you from your job any more than he already had that morning, you pulled out your lecture notes and focused on what really mattered: your class and your students. Not the man intently watching your every move.

… . …

Apparently, even visiting lecturers had to attend the weekly Thursday morning faculty meeting.

As Javier sat at the furthest end of the conference room table, only half listening to the department chair drone on about the new graduation requirements for undergraduate sociology majors and minors, he seriously debated the necessity of his presence. Dr. Campbell, as he’d quickly learned the first time that he spoke with the man over the phone a few weeks ago, had a preference for five-dollar words and loved the sound of his own voice. It was amazing he was as long-winded as he was considering the tightness of the obnoxious canary yellow bow tie around his neck. Javier pulled at his own tie, already loose and askew, suddenly feeling constricted by it. Aside from the fact that Campbell’s rundown on the new procedures seemed unnecessary –the regular faculty looked like they’d heard this news a thousand times already – Javier knew he had very little function beyond drawing attention to the school of social sciences. Sure, he technically had to teach a handful of classes this year, which was itself a task proving even more difficult than he’d originally anticipated. But, at the end of the day, he was only there because of his reputation and to lend his name to the university. He only hoped that no one expected much more than that from him.

They’d only be disappointed.

He glanced down the table to where you sat taking occasional notes in between drawing something in the corner of your notebook. He wasn’t sure how, but you’d taken one look at him and figured him out. 

You don’t deserve to be here.

Your words from the other night echoed in his mind. While everyone else seemed intent on showering him with empty flattery and undue praise, you saw him for what he really was. And you were right. He definitely didn’t feel like he deserved to teach classes at a prestigious university, to hold any sort of position of prominence or power at an institution like this. He’d retired from the DEA, given up the only job he knew how to do, without any inclination of what he would do next. Accepting this job was nothing short of an unhappy accident that was the result of some sort of second-career-meets-midlife-crisis impasse. Come to think of it, he might’ve been drinking when he called Dr. Campbell and accepted his offer.

“I’ve but one final announcement before I release you all for the day. As is tradition, the planning this year’s student conference will fall to two of our youngest and brightest professors, so it should be no surprise which of you will assume the responsibility.” Campbell finally caught Javier’s attention when he gestured down the length of the table to you. You smiled brightly at the department chair and the rest of your coworkers. “You, my dear, have done a brilliant job in the past and I expect nothing less this year. And I’m sure our newest appointed professor, Dr. Sheffield, will be more than happy to assist and learn from you.”

“Fucking ecstatic,” the man next to him grumbled under his breath. He followed the man’s gaze back to you and watched your smile vanish. Looking back at Sheffield, he noted that he was younger than Javier, although not by much, and sturdily built but soft around the middle. His belt seemed to be cinched one notch too many. Definitely a beer drinker. There was something inherently boorish about the man and although he hadn’t noticed him until that exact moment, Javier decided that he didn’t like him.

“I’ll have Debra set up a meeting for the three of us sometime next week to discuss the issue further,” Campbell added, “And with that said I think we can consider this meeting adjourned. I do believe the Anthropology department has reserved the room for the upcoming hour, so we best leave them to it.” 

The other faculty and staff started filing out of the conference room, but evidently Sheffield felt Javier’s stare. He turned to him and offered a hand.

“Javier Peña, I presume.” The way he mispronounced his name was almost embarrassing. “Been looking forward to meeting you all week.”

“What an honor,” Javier drawled, shaking the sweaty proffered hand. 

“I’m Andrew Sheffield.” 

“I gathered that.”

Seemingly oblivious to his curt responses, Sheffield continued. “Let me know if you ever need anything, man. And, if you’re into it, a couple of buddies of mine from the other departments golf on Sundays. You’re always welcome.”

“I’ll be sure to keep that in mind,” Javier responded, knowing he’d wouldn’t go golfing if his life depended on it, let alone with this guy.

“Cool, and like I said, happy to help.”

“You didn’t seem so happy to help your other colleague a minute ago.” He couldn’t stop himself. He’d been talking to Sheffield for all of a minute and he was already on his last nerve.

“Well, I, uh– I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Sheffield stumbled, clearly flustered, “Besides, that’s different. She’s, well, you’ll see.”

“I’m sure,” Javier said, gathering his things and pushing back his chair. He slapped Sheffield’s shoulder, maybe a little harder than strictly necessary. “See you around, bud.”

… . …

By Friday, your hectic first week of the quarter had caught up to you. You were more than a little tired and couldn’t wait for the weekend. Still, you put on a smile as you prepared to start your lecture. You’d made a vow to yourself years ago that you would never become that jaded, joyless professor that made student’s lives miserable. It was for your own benefit as much as theirs.

You knew Peña didn’t have a class on Fridays – the lecture hall had been empty when you arrived that morning – so you were more than a little surprised when he showed up for your class. Just when you thought you weren’t going to have to deal with him that day, he quietly slipped into the back row.

You couldn’t escape the man.

At the same time, as much as you hated to admit it, you’d been looking for him everywhere you went on campus ever since your Wednesday lecture. His actions confounded you – you were sure he hated you after that night in the library, but yet, here he was attending your class again. For what reason? You had no clue.

Deciding it would be best to simply overlook Javier’s presence in your classroom, you started your lecture. However, you quickly discovered he was impossible to ignore. Especially considering the way his dark eyes trailed you, followed your every movement. It didn’t matter that he was sitting in the back of the room. You could feel him watching you.

It should’ve been annoying. Aggravating, even. 

But it was something else entirely. Something that ignited a slow, steady heat inside of you. Something you steadfastly refused to name.

Once again, he didn’t wait for you after your lecture, and you weren’t sure why that disappointed you.

… . …

“How was your anniversary?”

“It was actually really fun. We got a sitter and Henry took me to this fancy restaurant downtown he’d been to on business lunches. He’d mentioned wanting to take me before, but I was still surprised that he’d actually made a reservation on his own,” Beverly explained, forgetting all about her chicken salad, “I’m sure you can understand why – you’ve met my husband.”

The two of you were sitting at your usual bench near an especially green spot on campus. The shade of a beautifully overgrown Moreton bay fig tree shielded you from the bright sun and your feet rested against a sprawling root creeping under the bench. “That’s so romantic of him,” you gushed. You sighed dreamily, playing it up for her benefit.

“I know! I don’t think we’ve had a night out like that since our youngest was born. So, what? Two years ago!” She made an exaggerated exasperated expression and you snickered at her. “I didn’t know the man had it in him. But it was very swanky, and they had these little chocolate cakes that, like, oozed more chocolate when you cut into them. Apparently, that’s the new thing but I never get out so I’m behind on the times.” 

“Don’t feel bad,” you said as you stabbed at your container of sliced fruit, “I haven’t been on a date in months so I’m right there with you on that one.”

“We gotta fix that.” Bev nudged you playfully.

You made a discouraging face and shook your head. “No, thank you. I’ve got plenty to worry about right now without having to deal with a relationship.”

“Doesn’t have to be a relationship,” she countered in a singsong voice. 

“You really can’t be stopped, can you?” you asked with an amused laugh. She shook her head and took another bite of her lunch. “Relationship or not, dating is just too complicated. It’s too distracting.” 

“Maybe,” Bev conceded, “But there’s more to life than work, sweetie. As much as I complain about Henry, I really do love the man. And he loves me. That’s something special. I can’t help but want something like that for you too.” You loved Beverly, but sometimes you hated how perceptive she was. Without ever having to voice your own thoughts or desires – sometimes without even admitting them to yourself – she always saw the truth to your words. Work always came first for you. Often at the disadvantage of the rest of your life. When you were quiet for longer than she would’ve liked, she lightened the conversation. “Of course, whoever your person is, would have to be someone as equally spectacular as you, so it might take a while to find them. But we’ll work on it.”

You returned her soft smile with one of your own. “We’ll see. But I’m not sure that person is out there, so don’t hold your breath.” You held out your plastic container. “Cantaloupe?”

“You know that’s my favorite,” she laughed as she skewered a few slices for herself.

… . …

After your lecture and lunch with Bev, you walked home to pick up Sunny before returning to your office. Friday afternoons were usually quiet on campus as students and professors alike preferred not to schedule classes that day of the week, for obvious reasons. You still had quite a bit of work to do before you were free to enjoy the weekend and your dog made for good company. Sunny was small and quiet enough that no one ever noticed her when you snuck her into the office. She was a mild-mannered dog, and that day she alternated between sleeping on your lap and watching birds and students alike from the window while you made a decent dent in the pile of work you had to get through. 

She was as well behaved as always, but, unsurprisingly, a couple hours later she started to get restless and you took that as your cue to call it a night.

“Alright, let’s go home, girl,” you said to her as you gathered your things. You piled a few books into your tote, wavering for a moment on one particularly heavy tome you weren’t sure you wanted to haul back to your apartment before you tossed that one in too. You slide your flats back on, having had kicked them off while you worked, and reached for the door. As soon as it was open wide enough for Sunny to fit through, she sprinted out ahead of you.

“Shit!” you hissed taking off after her. She’d never done that before. “Get back here!”

Your eyes practically popped out of your head as she darted into an open office.

You burst into your colleague’s office, intent on dragging her out of there while apologizing profusely. Instead you froze at the sight before you. Sunny was perched on Javier Peña’s lap. To make matters worse, the devious little traitor was excitedly licking his face as he petted her, soothing her fur with a gentle hand. What was even more surprising than her wagging tail, was the goofy grin on his face. It was the kind of unrestrained smile that crinkled his eyes and made him look younger than his years. It was, for lack of a better word, charming.

“I take it this is your dog?” he asked, breaking you from your trance.

“Yeah,” you answered, shaking your head at the scene, “She– She really seems to like you,” you observed, not bothering to hide your confoundment.

“I can tell.” Sunny calmed down, panting happily as Peña scratched behind her perky ears. “At least one of you does,” he said, finally training his brown eyes on you.

“Eh, she likes everyone. Don’t read too much into it,” you said, shrugging off his insinuation. And it was true for the most part. Sunny was a friendly dog, but she did have a strong intuition when it came to people’s sense of character and she always knew who she didn’t like. Even you had to admit she was quite taken with Peña.

“What kind of dog is she?” he asked, turning his attention back to the dog on his lap.

“My best guess is some kind of border collie mix. All I know is Sunny is not a purebred and a bit of a runt, which is probably how she ended up on the street in the first place.”

“Sunny?” he said, cocking his head at you.

You huffed out a small laugh. “I found her on Sunset Boulevard. So, in a moment of sheer genius I called her Sunny as a temporary name before I found her owners or a new family to take her in,” you explained, “Turned out I was her new family and the next thing I knew she was responding to the name. It stuck.”

“She’s sweet. I’ve always liked dogs,” he said, quirking his brow as he looked up at you again, “You can trust their judgement.”

Pursing your lips, you made a noncommittal noise, not wanting to agree despite feeling the same way. With a final wet kiss to his cheek, Sunny hopped down from his lap and trotted over to your side, acting the part of the loyal pet. You glared at her as you quickly attached her lead to her collar, ensuring she wouldn’t cause any more trouble. She’d already provoked the first civil conversation between you and Peña – who knew what else she was capable of. You decided it was best if you took your leave before she caused another miracle. “Have a nice weekend, Peña.”

“You too, doctora,” he said with a smirk and a wink.

 ... . ...

Thank you for reading!

... . ...

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[forkanna]

[AO3] [WATTPAD]

NOTE: Here we go. Little bit of a shift in this chapter... you'll see. Thanks for keeping up with this fic and all your comments!

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Everything was rather quiet for a couple of days. Rise threw herself into practicing her vocals with every spare moment, meeting with her manager and conferencing with her record label over the phone. She needed the distraction. Without any clear course of action with Ai, she had decided to let that matter fade into the background. Maybe something would come to her eventually.

On Sunday, she and the gang decided to go fishing, since that was one of Narukami's favourite activities and they were all missing him lately. For most of them, it simply meant getting to wave around poles and wade into the water, splashing each other. Kanji and Naoto resented this because they were much more serious about the matter, but the others didn't pay them too much mind.

"Hey, why didn't you invite Ai?" Chie suddenly asked as they re-baited their hooks. "She too snobby to get down here in the river with us?"

Rise laughed. "You're kidding, right?"

"Yeah," she responded, giggling right along. "No way would she be caught dead touching a fish that's not cooked."

"No… I meant that she wouldn't want to hang out with me anymore."

"Why not?" Yukiko asked. "I thought you were becoming sort of close with her."

Wow, how oblivious could they be? "Not anymore."

Once she had explained properly, which took the better part of half an hour, most of the joy had been sucked out of their springtime activity. Rise did feel a little bad about that, but it was as much their fault as hers, so she didn't spend too much mental energy on sympathy for her friends.

"Gosh, that is so sad," Teddie said with a pronounced pout. He really did seem genuinely disappointed not to have another friend. "I know you guys didn't really mean to hurt her feelings."

"Guess I thought he'd be over that by now," Chie confessed quietly.

"Yeah," Yosuke added. "Like, as long as he stays away from my butt, I don't really care what he does with his time. And man, he looks way better in drag than even Teddie did, so…"

While Teddie was harrumphing as if genuinely offended, Kanji chuckled harshly as he twitched his line in the water the tiniest bit. "What is it with you and that gay panic, bro? I'm surprised your Shadow didn't look more like mine."

"H-hey, I'm just a healthy, red-blooded Japanese male! I like girls who are actually girls! Is that a crime?"

"I'll buy you a butt-protector to keep all the dicks out," Chie cackled bemusedly. Yosuke just grimaced.

"I'm… starting to get why she didn't want this getting out," Rise sighed.

"Hm?" Yukiko said as she turned back in her direction. "What is it?"

"Nothing."

"No, that sounded important. I wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings…"

Which she appreciated. Even if the others were a little oblivious sometimes, Yukiko genuinely meant well all the time. Every minute of every day. "It's just… I'm no big expert on this subject, but you guys can see how much work she put into being taken seriously as a woman. Because she looks like one! Nobody could tell! And I think I haven't paid much attention to how hard that must have been for her… I'm… wow. And I really did almost ruin her life."

Not that she had been unaware of that before. She thought she understood, and she did — better than her friends did, for sure. But listening to them casually treat her like a drag act, a joke, a source of anxiety for Yosuke's extra-fragile masculinity, peeled back just enough of the curtain. Now she knew that she really didn't know anything at all.

"Don't be so dramatic," Chie sighed. "Like you said, he was able to play it off, and he's giving you a lot more shit now than is necessary compared to what you did on accident. Like, scales balanced. If he wants to keep being a dick then that's on him."

Rise shrugged helplessly as she tossed her fishing pole back onto the shore. "You're not wrong about that part. I'm not saying her trying to get revenge on me is right. I'm just saying I understand why she feels so betrayed. Didn't really get it before, but…"

"I still don't get it now," Yosuke grunted. "The whole thing makes me super uncomfortable. But it sounds like he already had the surgery, so… doesn't that mean he's a girl anyway?"

"What? No, it's… nevermind that part." She had been about to insist that Ai did not have "The Surgery" yet, even though she had probably undergone several other minor procedures. But that was the kind of detail that would get her even deeper in trouble than she already was, so she cut herself off.

"Well, I'm with Chie," Yukiko said cautiously. "You have apologized for hurting her, you didn't intend to in the first place. If she were a true friend, she would accept your apology."

"I'm not sure it's that simple."

They all turned to look at Naoto, not having expected her to speak. The girl was wearing a very thoughtful expression underneath her newsboy-casquette cap. "What isn't?" Teddie finally prompted when everybody had been quiet for a little too long.

"This situation with Ebihara-san. She's living her life as transgender, and you have jeopardized that life. Even if on accident, I can see how she would interpret that as an attack."

"Come on," Chie sighed. "Any idiot knows the difference between on accident and on purpose."

"Not necessarily. In law, there is such a thing as 'gross criminal negligence'. This means that even if it's an accident, even if you did nothing with the premeditated intent to do harm, you can still cause harm and be held accountable for it. At least, partially."

"So you're saying it's okay that this asshole is trying to frame our friend for cheating?!" Yosuke burst out.

"Hm? Oh, no, not at all," Naoto insisted, a slight crease in her brow. "But this is a matter of criminal pathology. Even if Ebihara-san is not a criminal, she is perpetrating criminal acts; understanding them requires the same skill set. Motive. Means. Opportunity. We already know the last two, more or less; security isn't especially tight at Yasogami High. I'm sure it was a simple matter for her to sneak into the classroom and pilfer the answer key, then sneak it into Rise's bag when no one was looking. So all that's left is… why?"

"Because he's a petty jerk," Chie provided immediately.

"It's not that simple."

"No, it really is. Maybe you guys get something about how serious us gossiping about him was that I don't, but I don't care. You don't treat a friend like that. Period! Even if he's really pissed at Rise, she did apologize, she's trying to make it right. He's not acting like a friend at all. So I say, screw him! Just let him self-destruct and be alone. And if he won't stop being a jerk to you, we will be jerks right back. I'm not going to sit around while he drags you down for something you didn't even do on purpose."

Rise felt a rush of affection toward Chie Satonaka. Even if she couldn't completely agree with everything she was saying, it was nice to know her friends had her back — that these were true blue friendships that had lasted beyond being part of the same Investigation Team. The passion with which she spoke, and the anger she clearly felt toward Ebihara because she was attacking her friend, made the existence of those bonds unmistakable.

However… she also couldn't ignore the way Naoto's brow furrowed further. Kanji also rested a hand on her shoulder. Was she simply upset about losing an argument, or was there more to that?

"I can't disagree with what you say. I was merely trying to point out that in Ebihara-san's estimation, Rise may deserve vengeance more than she does in any of our estimation. She is viewing the situation differently than we are."

"Well his 'estimation' sucks," Chie grumbled.

"Maybe," Rise finally cut in with a discomfited sigh. "But can you guys… can you promise me you won't do anything mean to her without asking me? At least that? I know she's being a jerk, but it's because I messed up. Huge. So this has to be between her and me."

None of them looked too thrilled with that. Yukiko nodded immediately, seemingly satisfied right away that she was doing what was asked of her by her friend. The others were a little slower to agree but they still all did at some point or another, dissatisfied as they were.

"Thanks. And I'm so happy you have my back, I can't express that enough. But I have to figure this out on my own."

"You got it," Kanji grunted as he started reeling in a fish. "Shit… it's a big one… but I'm not gonna forget how you looked when that old bag accused you of cheating. That ain't right. Ebihara better make it right eventually, or his ass is grass."

What an ominous threat. Well-meaning, but ominous. Rise knew she would have to sort this matter out post haste — before she had to find out just how far her friends were willing to go to come to her aid.

                                          ~ o ~

All of this gave birth to a very determined Rise Kujikawa, and this was the one who walked into school on a foggy Monday morning. Ai had done enough damage; she had to forge ahead as if everything was fine. Her new tactic had to be not to let the bullying get to her, because she better understood it was just her friend being hurt by her own actions. And if she wouldn't accept her apology… there was nothing more she could do.

But she didn't have it in her to give up. That option was stricken off the list. Rise was no quitter.

Everything was fine until her second-to-last class of the day. Rise had mostly focused on schoolwork and chatting with her other friends, taking her mind off more depressing matters. Gearing up for a promotional video she was supposed to shoot soon; that would be a first step toward reestablishing herself as an artist, even if she still didn't intend to go back to singing full-time until she graduated. And the class with Ms. Sofue was fine in and of itself… for the first ten minutes or so.

That was when she noticed the smell. At first, she was looking around the room to try and figure out who had lost control of their bowels in such close proximity to other students. Maybe it was something they had for lunch?

A brief investigation ten minutes later revealed the true culprit, once everyone was looking at her like she was being most unladylike. Deep in the recesses of her desk, which she never used to keep anything since she would just have to move it again after class, someone had stuffed an old sandwich. Unless she missed her guess, there was natto and egg on it, among other things. But there was too much mold growing inside the sandwich bag for her to be certain.

"Oh GOOD GOD!" cried one of the boys nearby, covering his face with his arm. "What's in that thing?!"

Waving at the air with her crooked heka, the teacher coughed and demanded, "Please dispose of your lunch in a proper manner from now on, Miss Kujikawa! Make no mistake, even I have no interest in mummified food!"

A few of them were able to wrap it in some paper and drag it to the trash can, amid Rise's protests that she had never seen it before. Nobody believed her, because the natto tended to make it seem obvious that it had come from Marukyu — even though their speciality was tofu, not other soybean offerings. A lot of bickering back and forth broke out until the teacher banged her cane on her desk.

"Enough! Miss Kujikawa has technically broken no rule, even if it was her sandwich. So we'll say no more about it. Please, open your books again and turn to page…"

But the entire class period, Rise couldn't stop thinking about the sandwich. She already knew who it was; only one person at that school was stupid enough to actively mess with a famous pop idol. The instant the bell rang, she pelted out of class so fast that quite a few students gasped. By now, she knew what class Ai was supposed to be in around this time… and where she could find her.

                                          ~ o ~

"Oh!" gasped one of the girls in the locker room when Rise barged past her. "Do you even have this class? What are you doing in the-"

"Ebihara?" she asked. Some girl with a towel wrapped around her hair pointed further into the room. Rise stormed over there to find a towel-clad Ai preening at the mirror hanging on the inside of her locker, running the brush through her hair over and over. "Thanks for your present."

Smirking a little, the girl didn't even glance over. "I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Yeah? You don't recognise it?"

Everyone gasped when she threw it onto the bench nearest Ebihara. That was nothing compared to the chorus of disgusted noises that followed once its foul stench began to pervade the air within the steamy room. Even still wrapped in the plastic bag, it was horrendous.

"Oh, GOD," Ai joined in, though she was chuckling just a little. "Why would you be carrying that thing around? Just to throw at me like that?"

"Why?" she demanded. "This has crossed the line from mean to just… weird! What's the point of stinking up the classroom?"

Full of false innocence, she pressed a hand to her chest as she said, "Why, I don't know. Sounds to me like someone just forgot to throw away her lunch. Maybe you should be a little less wasteful. Then again, as rich and famous as you are, I bet you don't care at all."

A ripple of murmurs spread throughout the room. Rise knew that they didn't really care about the sandwich, or about wastefulness, but they were highly concerned with this argument between two students playing out right in front of them. Gossip fodder. So she decided not to give them any more ammunition.

"Okay. We'll just throw it away." She snatched it off the bench and flashed Ai a poisonous smile. "Have a lovely day, Ebi-chan."

"Don't you mean Ebi-kun?"

Rise stopped dead in her tracks. She actually looked around for what assholes had said it, determined to give them a dressing down. Even if they were fighting, nobody got to talk about her friend like that. But she realized it had come from Ai herself. "What?"

"You were one of the people that started the rumour, right?" She looked so haughty, arms folded over her chest and hip cocked to one side. "So I'm surprised you let it go that easy."

Deciding to play along, she smirked and shot back, "I heard you showed off the goods to some other girls and it proved it was false."

"Yeah. But since when do people like you care about facts? You would much rather be right than the truth prevail."

"People like- okay. Whatever this is, whatever you want from me, I'm done with it. I thought we could try to be adults and move on, but all you want to do is start a war — one I'm not interested in fighting. Just leave me alone if you really can't stand me this bad, okay?"

Ai laughed and took a step forward. "Rise-Risette, the gossip-monger. And now, the cheater! What terrible thing are you going to do next?"

"I didn't do anything in the first place!"

"You know you did." The smile disappeared for a second, leaving her friend's features full of cold fury. But it was so brief that most of the other girls probably wouldn't have noticed; then she was smiling like rainbows were shooting out of her ass again. "And hey, if you want to try to blame me for all of it, go ahead. You might as well."

"No, that's not necessary. Maybe it's just a series of tragic coincidences."

"Uh huh. Or maybe you're just a self-destructive pop idol, a little brat who couldn't hack it in the entertainment industry, and now that you're stuck in boring old Inaba, you want attention again. Don't you see you're going about it all the wrong ways?"

So that was her game. Now Rise could see this for what it was: it wasn't just any one incident meant to slander her and give her a bad name. All of them together were supposed to paint a picture of a celebrity spiraling out of control. Rise was going to turn into the Japanese Britney Spears if Ai Ebihara had anything to do with it.

"You really want to destroy me that badly?" she hissed now that they were so close their noses were almost touching. All the girls around them were whispering and chattering, watching the drama intently. The rub was, they were gossiping so much about what they were saying that they couldn't even actually hear what they were saying.

"You can bet on it. I told you I was going to, unless you destroy me first. And I think you will. I think you are exactly the kind of person who will shoot in self-defense."

"That isn't me," she breathed, glancing down at Ai's body. It was so close to her own… she couldn't help looking, couldn't help feeling flustered even though they were fighting right now. "We both know that. You're just mad I messed up, and you won't let me apologize, and you won't leave it alone. There's nothing else I can do."

"Yes there is." Then she hiked an eyebrow slightly, lowering her voice to barely a whisper. "What? What are you looking at?"

"Nothing. Just… trying to figure out what to-"

"You were trying to figure out if you could see my dick. Weren't you?" As Rise felt her brow furrow, Ai chuckled and pressed on, "Do it. Go looking."

She could feel her temper flaring hotter. It was getting hard to control. "Stop being so gross. I wouldn't do that, I haven't done that, and I'm not going to do that."

"Why not? Come on… all you have to do is rip this towel off me. Show the world. Maybe I'm tucking again, maybe I'm not. But wouldn't that be great if you exposed a scandal in the women's locker room? Risette the Hero, saving all these poor girls from the freak."

"You know — you know I have never once in my life called you a freak, why do you want me to hurt you so badly? What do you get out of it? Are you some kind of psycho masochist?!"

"Sure! Go with that. Even more reason to save everyone. Do it." No movement. "Clock's ticking. The longer you wait, the weirder it's going to be that we're standing here whispering to each other."

But Rise's mind was racing. She still had no idea really why she was pushing so hard for her to attack, to be so vicious. She thought back to the revelation she had when walking home — about Ai, about what these attacks meant for their relationship. And when she thought of it that way…

Everything came together. Of course, nothing was for certain until she heard it straight from the horse's mouth, but now Rise thought she understood the reason her former friend was trying so hard to get her to treat her like vermin.

"No," she whispered with a small smile.

"No? Aww, I guess the games continue then," Ai said with a fake, exaggerated pout. "You're going to have to be a lot tougher than that to make it as a star."

"Actually… let's play a new game. Unless you want to give up now?" Her pleading face returned. "Please, please just stop. I'll leave you alone if that's what you want, or we can go back to being friends and… try to put this behind us. But I'm not giving up, not going away. So…? Maybe?"

Ai shook her head. "This isn't your game, you don't get to change the rules, princess. So nice try."

"Fine," she sighed… before sliding her arms tightly around Ai.

"H-hey!" she burst out. Then a little louder, "Oh my GOD, now Risette is trying to molest me!"

Before the gasps really had a chance to deepen, Rise sobbed, "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you, I just… I just love you so much Ai, a-and when you… when you pulled away, I didn't know what to do! Can't you forgive me?"

Even the girls who weren't watching before were glued to this scene now. And even though she could tell Ai didn't like losing control of the situation — hated might have been more apropos — she still drew back to gape at her.

"What… did you just say?"

"I asked you to forgive-"

"Cut the bullSHIT!" she snapped loudly enough that one smaller girl yelped and fell back on her ass, scrabbling for the nearest bench. "You can't mean that. Not in front of all these people, you… they'll know you're- if you say how you feel, that's…"

"I don't care about them! I love you, Ai, I… I didn't mean for us to end up this way!" Her bottom lip wobbled hard as she took a shaky breath. "But if you really can't forgive me, I'll understand! I just… I can't go on with us hurting each other like this!"

"Oh, this is so not going to work," she scoffed… until she saw a few of the girls putting their hands on Rise's shoulders, comforting her as the big fat tears rolled down her cheeks. Offering tissues, petting her hair. "Are you- wow, you guys can't be buying this! It's an act!"

"Hey, don't be so mean!" said some girl with bobbed hair; Rise thought her name was Matsunaga, but she couldn't remember at the moment. The moment Ai's gaze was on her, she said much more quietly, "S-sorry."

"Oh my GOD. Fine. Whatever, I'm out of here."

But a wall of girls blocked her way. They were all glowering at her now, looking ready to throw down; they would never have challenged alone but there was safety in numbers. Ai's eyebrows shot up, unimpressed… but the more she looked at all of them, the more anxious she appeared. Not frightened, just uneasy from the attention. The constant attention, while wearing a towel… prospect of a fight… she backed into a corner and they started to advance on her. This would get seriously out of hand if someone didn't step in.

Someone stepped in.

"Please, just give me another chance," Rise provided smoothly as she slid forward through the throng of girls, taking up Ai's hand — which was immediately yanked out of reach. Her voice was taut with emotion as she pleaded, "That's all! I'll show you I can be a better friend, a-and those pranks? Forgotten! And I won't ever tell another lie about you again, I promise!"

Ai took another good look around at the student body standing in opposition against her. The wheels were turning behind her eyes. Then she glared down at Rise with a shake of her head. "You… conniving… snake," she muttered.

Some of the girls heard it, and looked more scandalised. And because now everyone else was behind her… Rise felt comfortable allowing a smug, triumphant smirk to take over her features. Just for an instant. She even mouthed a few choice words:

"You only have one way out."

Oh, she had never seen Ai look that angry before. This wasn't just annoyance or rage. She looked murderous. But it only lasted a second before she sighed, shut her eyes, took a breath.

"Rise… fine. I know… I went too far. Can you forgive me?"

"Wow, really sounds authentic," one of the others closest to the lockers scoffed.

"No, really." When Ai opened her eyes again, she was smiling weakly. "I have missed you. I just didn't know… I was so angry when you started that nasty rumour."

"I know. It was a stupid mistake! And I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you, if you just… take me back! That's all you have to do." She took both of her hands, ignoring the way nails were digging into her own. Petty little revenges were par for the course now. "Just be with me."

One could hear a pin drop in that locker room. Ai pulled her close and whispered softly, "You want to play this game? We're playing it on a national level."

"Bring it on," she replied in kind, smirking again — even while her heart pounded in her throat from the closeness. "But c'mon, I beat you this round."

"Shut up."

Such a chorus of "WHOOOOO" went up when they kissed that it felt like they were shaking the foundation of Yasogami High. Probably because, metaphorically as well as literally, they were. Game-changer indeed.

                                          To Be Continued…

[blysse-and-blunder]

in lieu of a commonplace book

8:13pm jan 31, 2021 ~ end of the first month

reading so close to finishing The Fifth Elephant. Reaper Man is already on my phone. I made minimal progress on The Sunne in Splendour before my hold expired, so it’s going to be more discworld and fanfic until I get that one back. there are so many books added to my various shelves and stacks now, in the post-christmas / post-birthday landscape, but they don’t come with time limits so i always end up prioritizing the ebooks.

listening this week has been an emotional one, which i am handling maturely by talking about it sparingly and throwing myself into comfort media. listened to early TAZ today; cooked dinner last night singing along to the broadway lion king. They Live in You / He Lives in You hits a very sort of way currently.

watching the housemates and our absent housemates and i watched Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind last night, and despite the amount of time we spent hotly debating whether she was wearing underwear, i really enjoyed it! it’s pre-Ghibli Ghibli, if that makes sense, released before the studio was really a thing, but the seeds of a lot of my favorite Ghibli movies are already there-- it’s like you’re getting a rawer, uncut taste of the same imagination. I liked Nausicaa, I liked the valley, I liked how obviously it was the product of the 80s. i wished that the characters could have been more developed-- it had a myth/folktale feeling to it, a bit, where everyone was themselves but also an archetype.

playing i played dnd three straight nights this past week, first moonlighting in a friend’s game, then playing in my usual monday night campaign, and then getting to join a one-shot on tuesday. this is 300% more rpg than I had this time last year; I am...so grateful.

making got a nifty new sourdough baking book from my mom for birthday, which this past week led to:

bread is god is bread...is god, is bread

I had to punt a little bit because we didn’t have a loaf pan, so the shape and rise wasn’t precisely right, but I’m reasonably pleased with how it turned out. the levain build/starter procedure was different from what I’ve gotten used to, but I figured it out. a good bake, 8/10.

working on resubmitting my field proposal on monday with the minor edits they requested!! your girl has cleared an academic hurdle she’s been stressed about since may. also...learned on friday i for sure passed german this time, which. if these two pieces of good news had come in the same week, and it had been any other week, it would have been the best week. Such welcome and unwelcome things at once 'tis hard to reconcile.