#and i have to remind myself that they both can play different kinds of roles and sell the characters

[delusionalblfan]

i love New as Achi, he is doing an amazing job given he is very expressive, so his reactions to what he hears from others' thoughts are spot on and often times very comical. But i have to admit Tay as Karan is my jam *chef's kisses* his composed outlook contracting with the lovey-dovey and sometimes silly loving things he thinks (the scream when Achi was falling asleep laying on his shoulder was so unexpected and funny i almost peed myself). Even the voice tone he uses to speak and the one in his head are so different i love it. It is obvious he has some kind of good feeling towards Achi, even without the mind reading. And then we understand that he has liked him for years and maybe has never had this feelings for anyone else and is now getting the attention of his crush. It's very amusing that Tay is selling it sooo well. And now he created the idea they were starting a 'thing' just to end up thinking Achi might not find him special...oh boy the way his demeanour changed. How sad and defeated he looked. Very well done i'm liking it

[inchidentally]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75KeC8OqrN4

your honor, I love them

ok anon how did you know the exact one I wanted to go insane over lshdslhvds;v

ok to fully repeat myself but the immediate pivot Oscar did from nodding along with how different their weekends were, to then going along with Lando's joke of pretending not to know what the host is talking about. AND THEN Lando's appreciative smile when Oscar confirms he doesn't know what they're talking about ! ;__;

and then the way he COMPLETELY downplays his own podium and credits the Max and Lando collision for helping him out and wraps it up bc he knows what they all want to actually discuss.

1:40 that little smile from Oscar is like… the thing is that when Oscar DOES have expressions on his face they're as unfiltered as Lando. you can see the progression of fondness and oh Lando and I love him but also is he getting himself in trouble again.

and then as Lando kept talking about that moment and how in racing they actually do enjoy a battle, he keeps looking to Oscar because this has been Lando's preoccupation ever since he's really embraced Oscar as a teammate and understood their relationship. with Carlos and Daniel, there was that broey chumminess but also 'yea we're gonna piss each other off sometimes' kind of thing and it's very much how they are with all the drivers they're buddies with. but Oscar is so different from the other drivers and has such a unique and strangely gentle and considerate relationship with Lando that it makes him squirm quite a bit thinking of one day actually having moments like these with him! he's frequently the one saying things like 'we both have the same goals for the team' and 'yes we're rivals but we have to think what's best for the team' almost in a way of wanting to remind himself and Oscar not to do any damage to their relationship. Lando's someone who has his friends who are buddies with very few strings attached and are easygoing, and then his friends who are part of his like actual support unit who've taken the time to Learn Lando's Brain. Oscar's done just that since day one (and before tbh) and Lando hasn't hidden at all how he's come to rely on Oscar to be patiently waiting and be so calm and balanced and in possession of himself.

and that shows in how all of these interviews today - tbh in just all of their interviews - Oscar knows his job is to handle the warm-up content and provide the solid but not exciting answers, and then sit back and play a supporting role to Lando giving the people The Content and color and just riding that edge of tricky opinions. and when Lando was doing interviews with Carlos and Daniel, it was shared between the two of them to keep teeing up and following through etc. those interviews were always hilarious and meme worthy, but you didn't get much in the way of actual personality out of either of them. whereas with Oscar there watching and reacting and active listening, Lando is deciding more on the spot where he wants to go with his answers and does he want to give the standard hilarious answer or does he want to add some thoughtfulness to it?

and you can see when he starts to kind of fidget under the topic and looks to Oscar more and more and then in a very decisive voice, Oscar cuts in over the host and says "if it's not anything else it's entertaining" and skillfully draws a close to the entire segment of the interview. then Lando's grateful little "wise words" <3<3

[genderkoolaid]

Kind of related to the 't makes you a mansplainer' thing I'm always amazed by thr difference in the way people perceive my music now. Pre t people thought it was cool that I played guitar but the second my voice started dropping and my beard started coming in people started getting annoyed by it. I started getting "no one wants to hear wonderwall" (I've never played that song) and "we don't need another man with an acoustic guitar". I don't even pass yet. That shift was instantaneous. And it's from the exact same people who thought it was cool before at a queer drop in center i go to, they used to turn down the music playing in the center because people were listening to me, going through my songbook and making requests. Now I'm lucky if I can play 1 song before someone tells me to stop because "no one wants to hear another man with an acoustic guitar"

It really hurts makes me want to quit playing.

Like I know t ruined my singing voice but damn, I just want to play my guitar I worked hard to teach myself to play.

Its so aggravating to me how cis, binary feminism has people treating trans men like we aren't an oppressed group. Erasing all of our unique experiences and struggles and perspectives to make us seem like Cis Men But Short And Weird. Your experience reminds me of people talking about how they went from being praised for being a woman in a male-dominated field to being ashamed of transitioning because they "failed" to "be a role model". In both cases, there's this assumption that trans men don't need support, that our accomplishments aren't hard-won, that we never struggle to make a place for ourselves in society. I mentioned in the notes of a post how we need a good word to describe being unfairly cast as an oppressor to cover up/ignore oppression (not just for transandrophobia but also antisemitism) because its so fucking concerning!! Its like people are specifically blinding themselves to trans men's transness and doing everything in their power to act like we're cis men. And its because thats basically what cis feminism does- there are only two roles, Woman (oppressed) and Man (oppressor), and by and large it only has two ways of reacting to trans men: either we're oppressed (by misogyny and nothing else) Women, or we're oppressors and Men. There isn't any way for us to place ourselves in this binary without harming ourselves. And so much of the time, this ideology ends up with us being punching bags for other people to take out their anger and trauma from cis men at an target they can have power over, while justifying it by saying that we're privileged men who need to suck it up and stop being so sensitive.

I'm going on a tangent but the point is: I'm mad as fuck that you are getting treated like this. I absolutely do want to hear more trans men playing acoustic guitar, because I never get to see trans men doing fucking anything! Being recognized as men and as equally male as cis men should not have to come at the cost of being recognized and supported like other marginalized genders. I'm so sorry you've had to go through that and I hope you are able to find people & a community that celebrates you and your talents like you deserve.

[tigreblvnc]

BLUE LOCK MATCHUP EXCHANGE — @lapsthings

Your match is...

— Seishiro Nagi

✦ (Yes, A Clockwork Orange is my favorite movie. I read the book too and, in French, they did a wonderful translation. Burgess invented a language inspired by Russian, and it's very impactful. There's some words that I still remember even though it's been almost 7 years since I read the book.) (I could speak of this masterpiece for hours! I'm glad to hear that you enjoyed your reading.) (Did you know that it's also Shidou's favorite movie?)

✦ (ANYWAY.)

✦ I had this sleepy genius boy in mind all along while reading your bio, but I wasn't sure if it was a good idea to match him with you.

✦ At the same time, how could I not? He appears way too many times in your words for me not to think of him.

✦ But I kept asking myself: "If I pair her with Nagi, she'll never go out again."

✦ "Is this really what we want, Suo?"

✦ Heh, I don't make the rules.

✦ Or, maybe I do.

✦ Well, welcome to your best sleeping partner, I guess.

✦ I think as long as he's with someone who's not boring or too loud, he's cool.

✦ Nagi... is always cool.

✦ "I don’t have any siblings." You're like his twin sister, lost somewhere before the start of the show, you know? Nagi's the brother you wish you had, somehow.

✦ "Whenever I go to a convention or an anime store, I spend a good 30 minutes deciding which figure to buy, but since I’m indecisive, I end up getting both of them. I also buy or help pay for my friends more often than not, so I’m always broke. They even came up with a motto: 'Buy now, regret later.'" You know the best thing I find in this description is the fact that you're actually going out. Even Nagi struggles with that.

✦ Good point: you convince him to put his shoes on since he might be interested in the merchandise you buy.

✦ I can see some lazy dates outside, mainly for playing at the arcades or buying trinkets and anime goodies. From the outside, you two look like brother and sister.

✦ That's the core of your relationship, a bit.

✦ I can't see Nagi in any relationship, but I can totally picture him always calling the same person to do non-boring activities. It's normally Reo's role, but Reo isn't always around.

✦ And Reo hasn't always been in Nagi's life.

✦ "I struggle to continue conversations, so I’d say I’m not that good at talking either. I may come across as indifferent or uninterested, which is why I also kind of struggle to make friends." Nagi looks uninterested, and most of the time, he is.

✦ "When giving opinions, I try to be honest, though I do sugarcoat it sometimes." Here, Nagi doesn't.

✦ In fact, the two of you remind me of two baby pandas, a bit lost, always in their beds.

✦ But you are very similar and at the same time, very different. Like black and white merging.

✦ The possibility that you met each other in an online game is huge, I won't lie.

✦ "Dislike: lack/bad communication." This is the biggest pet peeve with Nagi—the lack of communication. This is what led him and Reo to separate, with Reo thinking Nagi had abandoned their dream while Nagi was actually doing his best to reach their common goal.

✦ You can't expect anything from Nagi, but he may expect some things from you.

✦ Yes, that's unfair.

✦ Yes, that's Nagi.

✦ Yes, I chose this match.

✦ (Hahahahaha)

✦ (I regret nothing.)

✦ He never forces you to do anything, though. You're still free to go, doing your own thing while he does his.

✦ In my opinion, the best balance someone can have with Nagi is to play with him occasionally and then say, "Bye bye, see you next time."

✦ Nagi's like his cactus, Choki, after all. Never feed him too much, or he'll die.

✦ You know what I mean since you have YOU'VE HAD your own Choki too.

✦ He finds it cool that you can play instruments.

✦ He also "gently" asks you to play in another room because you make too much noise.

✦ The moments when Nagi is the sweetest are when he wants to try a new game but doesn't want to play alone. Reo isn't interested, so Nagi calls you instead.

✦ I can totally hear him calling you "buddy" or "man."

✦ He reads mangas on his phone too. I think he's the best at knowing the top websites to read tons of scans, so when your favorite site is taken down, Nagi sends you a copy-paste list on Discord.

✦ You two are totally the type to live under the same roof but communicate with each other via texts or weird, unfinished voice messages. It's too boring to speak out loud to someone who's in the room next door.

✦ "Giving: Acts of Service, Gift giving." Let's be honest, he's totally in sync with your love languages.

✦ Always asking you to carry him from one room to another.

✦ He's surprisingly not that heavy.

✦ But 190 cm doesn't lie.

✦ Long silences may occur between you. From the outside, people might even think the house is empty.

✦ The best part about that? You love these moments where no one is talking. You feel comfortable because this is how you like being around others.

✦ So he treasures the fact that you don't talk too much.

✦ Sometimes you forget that you're not alone in the house.

✦ It may give you a fright when you hear a door open.

✦ Or when it's 3am, you're in your pajamas, nose buried in your phone, and you go downstairs only to bump into each other.

✦ "Oh my god. You were there all along???"

✦ "Yeah. You too?"

✦ Actually, it's like you're sharing a flat.

A word about your match: When I read a Nagi-like bio, I usually think of pairing with an opposite character to create a balanced relationship. But your words and facts convinced me to go all the way and choose the laziest soccer player the world has ever seen.

© TIGREBLVNC 2024 | INTERESTED IN A MATCHUP EXCHANGE? CHECK THIS.

[kheprriverse]

Yes, please. We all desire to hear more! More yappy equals more happy c: I crave more knowledge.

In an older comic you have, you noted eclipses did stuff as well (I think it was a Lunar?). Do those still apply?

I thought it was pretty cool kdnrkskjf

Fhekdbdkdnens tyyyyy I’m very glad! I love yapping so much but force myself to shut up because I can just Go and Go. My friend and partner can both attest to this, they’re usually my ground zero for my brain vomit.

Below the cut will be the answer! I will do my best to organize since this’ll be a two-part answer. One being the continued yapping from the last ask, and the other will be the eclipse stuff.

-> In an older comic you have, you noted eclipses did stuff as well (I think it was a Lunar?). Do those still apply?

Here's the comic in question, which referenced an oldish idea I had where Ko'jin's hair would change based on the phases of the moon, this one being during a lunar eclipse. It was when his hair used to be darker and greyer, so the changes would be a little more drastic. But I'd love to keep the idea anyways. (also a cool little fact, Moon's tears does the same thing, so you'll see his and Ballad's earrings change based on whatever his hair is doing.)

The glow in his hair is more rainbowy now and the color shifts involuntarily, which was originally for a super moon I just ended up liking the vibe so much that I made it his default.

So I'm gonna use this ask as an excuse to mess with the idea more and do some sketches! Mostly because I'm not sure if I ever shared the og sheet when I first made it before that comic was posted.

(These aren't really accurate ko'jin-length hair but that's okay)

Originally, in some of his older art (including his ref that i STILL use), his hair is darker by default because the brightness would reflect the moon itself. So new moons his hair was a much darker grey and full moons it was a near-white to blue. But I like the default white and rainbow he has now :>

Also the lunar eclipse one almost looks like his hair when he was younger which is my favorite thing, but it ALMOST resembles this idea I was playing with where he's attuned to a different element, just... orange-er. I'll figure smth out, I have a lot of cool ideas regarding moon phases and element attunement and... ough. He makes my brain spin (in a good way).

The only way moon phases would have an actual affect on him would maybe be when he's stronger during full moons and super moons and weaker during waning and new moons. I can see weather maybe getting in the way as well and maybe the colorful glow goes away during those sorta moments.

Anyways I need to shut up about this so I'm going to go on about the other topic from my previous ask, since y'all wanna hear me yap like an insane person.

-> The Garden.

In the previous ask, I talked about Ko'jin's role as a deity falling closer into "protection and guiding of spirits". I explained there that many people seek his protection in the afterlife. Or kind of explained it. But I also mentioned that its not actually seen what happens and that I wanna go further into what the serpent does and how it ties into the au overall.

Ko'jin has access to a realm known as "The Garden", or that's what he calls it. It's not his realm, nor is it his domain (his domain is the moon), but it's a realm introduced to him by Hylia who did have much easier access to it and often used it to see the future, past, and present at all times.

The Garden is a vast, seemingly endless realm dotted with gigantic trees that also just seem to endlessly grow above the clouds. His knowledge on its purpose originally came from stories other deities gave him. Like Demise's reminders to him that all of history is stored in these massive trees, that everything dies and is recorded and reused -- a constant cycle fueled by the earth's energy.

Hylia never really shared much with him vocally but was the one who gifted him access to experience it himself and he learned very quickly that it felt similar to the woods he grew up in and for good reason. Much like the garden itself being connected to the earth, so is the enormous tree near where he grew up, using it to access glimpses of the past in the region.

So he decides to bring his findings to Demise (his mentor-like figure at the time) and compare notes. He comes up with: -> There are more giant trees and its likely they all connect to the same network, like a brain. -> All energy, magic, and events of the world in the reach of these trees are stored and moved into The Garden. -> The Garden archives everything as "memories" and returns filtered energy back to the giant trees. -> The giant trees return the filtered energy back through the earth.

This includes spirits! Ko'jin acts as a ferrymen to lost spirits unable to pass through and into the garden where their memories can be stored and then their energy ultimately reused.

Anyways I spoke enough I think. So here's a couple screenshots of a test sketch regarding a crossover scenario that featured both the moon serpent and my monhun Link, Nayim, that also showed off The Garden. (some of these will be edited or cropped funny since their out of context)

I kept asking myself how Nayim or the main group would react to either world, so I had a whole 15-page comic sketch of a "nayim finding himself in loz hyrule"

Also happens to have sketches showing a good size comparison for how big the serpent is supposed to be so have these for fun.

[loving-jin]

Do you ever think about life - Kim Seokjin

Summary: lazy, comfort time with Jin who deals with your romantic existential thoughts Pairings: Jin x yn (female) Warnings: none, just love and comfort Words: 731 All rights reserved

Hello! I am back again for a drabble about my sweet man, Jin! It's just a silly comfort one I wrote for the times we feel like we need a little bit more love:) Feedback and reblogs are appreciatable!

The soft light of the long-risen sun was reflecting on your face as you stretched your arms a little, snuggling better in your bed. You felt a familiar scent back on your nostrils, a scent that reminded you of home. It was no other of your boyfriend, Seokjin. In your teddy matching pajamas that Jin highly insisted that you both buy on a random shopping spree on a free day, you laid peacefully in bed, your head safely tucked under Jin's jaw. His hand was lazily drawing circles on your back, slowly as he touched you between small naps that the both of you occasionally got. Your breath was even from the comforting scenery and the fact that not you nor your boyfriend had nowhere to go. You were thanking great heavens for Jin's well earned vacation given by his company. The soft scent of Jin's earthy aroma mixed with the remaining of his always worn fragrance was intoxicating to you, making you feel as if you were flying at the sky during a midnight dream.

"Baby?" you asked quietly, breaking the comfortable silence covering the both of you. The thing with Jin was that you didn't need to be talking or feeling anxious about finding any topics to start a conversation, your mind and heart was at the same ease while being silent. "Hm?" his raspy voice echoed against your ear, this being the only thing audible in the room, "what is it sweetheart?" a small smile appeared on his face, the kind of the ones you loved that were full of comfort and love. "Do you ever think about life?" you looked up to meet his eyes, placing your head against his shoulder. Seokjin made sure to place his arms differently so he'd still be engulfing you in his embrace. "Hm I'm not sure what you mean there" he chuckled lightly while fixing his position against the pillows so he could lock eyes with you. "Do you ever think how life would be if we didn't meet? How the smallest of events actually mean so much to the people we become?" you frowned on your own thoughts. "Hm" he tilted his head slightly, an also puzzled look on his face as he seemed to be thinking about it deeply. It was amazing how he'd always seem to be minding you and your worries no matter how small or stupid they seemed.

"It seems you've thought about it quite well" he humphed, his long fingers twirling the edges of your hair. "I've starting to realize how important this is. For moments like these. Where I can be myself" your grip became a little bit tighter around his torso. Jin turned down to you and smiled once again, sitting up, so his back was against the bed board. Swiftly, he passed his hands under your waist, placing you on his stretched out legs. Your arms naturally found their way around him as your front was against Jin's chest. Quietly, he rocked you just a tiny bit, your cheek squished against his broad chest. "I've been starting to get life more seriously now that I'm with you hm?" he looked down at you as he placed his finger under your chin encouraging you to meet his sight. "I do think of stuff like that sometimes. I don't know how or why, but we ended up together. And I'm so grateful for those series of events. Cause those have changed my life for the better" he said placing a small kiss on your lips, smiling.

"You are indeed the best part of me" you smiled back. "I'm not" Jin nodded negatively, grinning. "Hey" you frowned, pouting. "I don't want you to discredit yourself even a tiny bit. All this awesomeness comes directly from you. I don't play any role. I believe every different people bring out a different version of ourselves. And I'm happy to know that you bring out mine. My love, my darling" "Jin, what you said was so beautiful" you giggled, kissing his cheek. "Do I get more kisses for stuff like these?" he giggled back at your cuteness, before planting one on his own. "Hey, I'm the rewarder here" you playfully told him. "What about a change of roles?" he frowned teasingly before starting to pepper your face with kisses. He was indeed the one. The one for you.

[shihalyfie]

Hi. I'm someone who has come back to Digimon after enjoying it from my childhood and now watching through Ghost Game as well as watching episodes of Digimon: App Monsters. Something I'm wondering about is how the experience of binge watching may or may not be compatible with the various Digimon seasons. I realized that I enjoyed binging App Monsters more than I am Ghost Game even though I do enjoy watching Ghost Game more as it fits a lot more of my tastes.

I define the binge format as involving frequent use of cliffhangers, a larger overarching conflict those cliffhangers tie into, and a three act structure that stretches throughout the season instead of just one episode. I do recognize that both Ghost Game and App Monsters share at least some similarities with this structure, but the main difference seems to be that there isn't a bigger overarching conflict in Ghost Game. However, I see myself going back and rewatching episodes of Ghost Game more than I do App Monsters. To what extent were these seasons built with binge watching in mind? I live in the US by the way, so I imagine that cultural lens might be playing into the questions.

Hi! Welcome back, hope you're enjoying your watch! Also, glad you're enjoying Appmon; that's a series that's especially close to my heart.

Well, as you alluded to at the end of the question here, cultural stuff does play a role here, or more specifically, the fact that Digimon TV series generally use a format that Toei has refined and perfected over the years via their long-running shows, especially Super Sentai and Kamen Rider (tokusatsu and not anime, but with a lot of important factors in common). While it is true that the majority of these series are serialized, they are ultimately still made first and foremost to be watched by kids once a week. That's why there's still a loose monster-of-the-week format for even the more serialized Digimon series, because there has to be a certain self-contained nature to it, and that's why you get those recaps at the beginning of each episode (or sometimes even full recap episodes, like Appmon episode 26, which was released after the series went through a timeslot change). It's not that they think the kids have a terrible attention span or anything, but that even an adult would probably need to be reminded of what was going on after having been out for a week or longer.

If a series is hard to follow when watched this way, that's considered a failure of the writing, especially since the series has a goal of selling toys during the duration of its run and would probably not accomplish this if it's hard to follow. The majority of Toei shows using this format run for exactly a year (with Adventure: and Ghost Game being exceptions due to what I suspect are pandemic delay related issues), so that means they basically have a year to sell as many toys during that period as possible before they pass the baton to whatever occupies the timeslot next. But of course, that doesn't mean people in the writer's room don't also care deeply about what they make, so they'll still try to make works that leave a lasting impression for adults who binge watch later. So that means striking a balancing act between making it possible to follow weekly or when binge watches, and how well they accomplish that depends on the series.

For what it's worth, Ghost Game's extreme episodic nature is an outlier not only for Digimon but also for this kind of Toei show in general; while "resolved in one episode" format is used elsewhere, Ghost Game not calling back to a huge overarching plot often is not often seen. (Although it has been quite successful in certain areas; one famous series I can think of off of the top of my head is Kamen Rider W, which recently got an anime adaptation of its manga sequel -- long story -- and is known for being pretty much entirely presented in two-parters.) That said, Ghost Game's lead writer did infamously say at one point that it was as episodic as it was because of the idea that kids are more into shorter content like TikTok and all that, which got ridiculed as hilariously out of touch, especially since the aforementioned Kamen Rider and Super Sentai are still doing fine without that. I'll let the Sentai experts weigh in more, but the one running right now (Kingohger) is so unusually serialized that it even just had a timeskip!

[quinloki]

have you seen the new wit studio versions of the straw hats….. my poor baby usopp why are you so pale 😭😭

I have, I have 😩

I was saying something to some friends on discord, and I before I say anything here I want to be clear:

This is NOT a topic I'm overly educated on - so don't take my words as gospel, and please feel free to provide some referenced corrections if you're so inclined. I'd love to be more knowledgeable honestly but I don't want to "learn" someone else's assumptions.

I ran long so I'm putting it under a cut

Anyway, I know there's some racism in paler skin tones for characters whether you're talking America or Japan, but I also think there's something more to do with culture on the Japanese side of things?? I don't know, something about the pale faces and white makeup they've been using in the arts for centuries and centuries.

I often wonder if that's more of a reason why we've been seeing the lighter and lighter skin tones vs anything more nefarious. Which isn't to say that modern racism isn't also present.

I'm just reminded of "Don't assume malice when ignorance will do."

Now, whether ignorance or malice, it still sucks to see - like, damn, give us some variance \o/ Stop stealing people's melanin!

And not that I think they'd ever release a statement on it - Toei or Wit - but I'd be curious the reasoning behind it. Is it an executive decision that no one can fight? Is it monetary matter? I don't think animation is done with actual paint anymore, I have to imagine it's all digital, so it can't be something about different pigments costing different.

In the end, malice seems like the only answer, but I can only see this from an American's viewpoint too. I don't know Japanese culture enough to say if it could be that. I don't think Japan had slavery - at least not the way America had it - so I don't know if that plays a role. I've heard Japan is xenophobic, but that's something directed at everyone who isn't Japanese.

And I remember the whole thing about black people in anime and the lips, and how that's definitely something that was prevalent in both American and Japanese animation. I also think it's something that's gotten better the last 10-15 years at least?

Augh, I'm just giving myself a headache. Like I said it's not a topic I know well - it's not really mixed up in Kink, and that's a topic I know from several view points (socially, culturally, politically, etc.)

Anyway, the Too Long; Didn't Read is that I am sad to see the color palette for the Wit Studios remake - I was very glad to see variety in the Live Action, and I'd love to see a return of that kind of visual joy in the anime.

[yuzukahibiscus]

Minami Maito: An artist who conveys kindness and strength

She attracts attention with her energetic dancing full of dynamic. She fascinates the audiences with her acting full of human touch that deepens the performance. (Please read Chinese below the cut, 中文翻譯如下）

Last year, Minami Maito-san brought a charismatic performance playing as the movie star Kuraoka Ginshirō whom you couldn’t hate even though he is egoistic. 

“Since (Gin-chan)’s such a messed up guy, at first I couldn’t understand him at all. Even though it’s important to exchange and converse lines with my partners, director Ishida Masaya was saying that it’s alright if we don’t stress on communication. Gin-chan is someone that thinks people should adapt to him and he could understand what’s going on. But there’s something about him standing out that even if he’s clumsy, he loves everyone and I wonder if that makes me more accept him better. So while learning that there are people like that, I had fun since then learning how to perceive roles in a different angle.”

This character arc can be established because Minami-san has a warm personality that everyone around her admires. But there were times when she was lost. 

“These few years, there were many occasions where I mentioned I felt the warmth, and as a person I’m very grateful and thankful for that. It’s just I wonder if I’m being pretentious in playing the role, that would probably be my weakness. How I could do better is a challenge that I’ve been facing with myself recently.”

This became clear to her when she played Kouzukenosuke in “Genroku Baroque Rock”. He was an ambitious character with the desire of wanting to have the world for himself and she played him embodying with his impulsive force and fear. 

“The more I can express how much I wanted to have the world for myself, the more this reflects how much the Akō Domain hates me. Even though they’re really glaring at me, I’m still insistent on my beliefs so it’s like “So what?” kind of feeling, and that kind of acting was interesting.”

She was also reminded of her roles a lot. 

“During the time of “Years of Pilgrimage”, I play Chopin who had this inherent faith and passion for music and he was someone that everyone saw as a genius. If  you look at the overview of the story, the idea (that Chopin was a genius) is straightforward and consistent, but it’s essential for me to make the idea persuasive in the role, since I don't have the idea of how a genius should be portrayed. In order to show that by just standing, I have to solidly create that sense from within the role too. Every time I take a role, I could overcome some challenges. So I felt that the teachers in Takarazuka are really full of love.”

Now, she’s in a position where she’s supporting her douki Yuzuka-san who is a Top (Star). With both of them having these contrasting vibes when they stand together is how Flower Troupe can showcase their vibrantly multifaceted charms. 

“Everyone is so full of that bright passion for the performing arts. This probably begins from the upperclassmen till now, and now you can see that in Yuzuka’s attitude towards the performing arts. Every day, she would film herself and then later objectively looking through it and studying it. Just seeing that hardworking appearances is inspiring. For the troupe, it feels like because of the Top-san that everything changed drastically. For me, I want be as closest to her, to sensitively observe what Yuzuka wants the troupe to be and how she wants everyone to be and so that I could tell these clearly to the troupe members. It’s not presumptuous that I’m supporting them, but I want to be friends with them as we can improve together as Flower Troupe.”

If we speak of Minami-san, she was also lauded for her powerful dynamic dancing. 

“Since I was only doing ballet before I entered Takarazuka, I was so happy that I could dance all the time in underclassmen days. But now, I’m happy with expressing anything on stage including my dancing. Also I’m so delighted to do this and share the time with my friends and the audience.”

Next year (2023) in the Grand Theatre performance, what can we expect from Minami-san with her dynamic dancing? 

“What can I say (LOL). The show’s author and director Noguchi (Kousaku)-sensei is a teacher that really loves Takarazuka and especially the otokoyaku, so I’m sure that he’s going to feature some charismatic scenes with the cool Hanaotoko (otokoyaku in Flower Troupe), right? (LOL) I’ll be excited too.”

Now, she speaks about her aspirations about being an otokoyaku with depth and with ease.

“Even though I’m quite normal, I seem to have more energy than other people and I was just often told that I was a passionate otokoyaku (LOL). So this time I don’t want to be as straightforward but also exploring myself in various perspectives and directions. Since Takarazuka is also changing with the times, I hope to incorporate some modern elements and also remain some ancient but wonderful traditions. So while blending both of these, I could continue taking on new challenges without fear, and be able to meet a self I haven’t encountered yet.

Minami Maito・Born in Osaka. Entered Takarazuka Revue in 2009, assigned to Flower Troupe. Attracting attention for her beautiful dancing, she was the main role for the newcomers’ performance of “Embraced by the Seas of Calista” in 2015. She was also the lead role for “Senhor Cruzeiro!” in 2018 and “Ginchan’s Love” in 2021.

[unpluggedfinancial]

You Get Bitcoin at the Price You Deserve: A Reflection

In Bitcoin circles, a common saying goes, "You get Bitcoin at the price you deserve." This phrase has intrigued me since I first heard it. It seems to encapsulate a mix of wisdom, irony, and a touch of harsh truth. As someone who has delved deep into the world of Bitcoin, both as an advocate and an investor, I find myself pondering the weight and meaning of this statement.

Historical Context

Bitcoin's journey has been anything but smooth. From its humble beginnings as an obscure digital experiment to its current status as a global financial phenomenon, Bitcoin's price has seen wild fluctuations. Major events, such as regulatory crackdowns, institutional adoption, and technological advancements, have all played a part in shaping its market value.

Personal Reflection

When I first encountered Bitcoin, I was skeptical. Like many, I missed the early opportunity to buy it when it was dirt cheap. As the price soared, I regretted not jumping in sooner. However, as I began to educate myself about Bitcoin and its potential, I started to see the merit in this saying. At first, I kind of liked it because it made sense—if you put the work in to learn about Bitcoin, then you buy and benefit. It felt like a reward for diligence and effort.

But over time, my feelings about this phrase have evolved. It’s not just about buying low and benefiting financially. It’s also about the journey of learning, understanding the technology, and appreciating the broader implications of Bitcoin. The more I invested my time and effort into understanding Bitcoin, the more I felt I deserved the gains I reaped.

However, navigating the world of Bitcoin isn't just about personal effort. It's also about sifting through the noise created by the propaganda machine and misinformation. The mainstream media and various interest groups often portray Bitcoin in a negative light, highlighting its volatility and association with illegal activities, while downplaying its potential as a revolutionary financial technology. This misinformation can deter people from investing or understanding Bitcoin, making the saying "You get Bitcoin at the price you deserve" even more complex. It's not just about individual effort but also about overcoming external biases and misinformation.

Philosophical Exploration

The phrase suggests a deeper philosophy about merit and foresight in financial decisions. It implies that those who educate themselves, take calculated risks, and act decisively are rewarded accordingly. Conversely, those who hesitate or act without understanding may face less favorable outcomes. It's a reflection of the broader principle that in finance, as in life, we often reap what we sow.

Community Perspectives

I’ve spoken to fellow Bitcoin enthusiasts and advocates, and their interpretations of this saying vary. Some see it as a simple truth about market dynamics and personal responsibility. Others view it as a reminder to stay vigilant and informed in an ever-changing financial landscape. A few even find it a bit harsh, feeling it disregards the unpredictable nature of markets and the role of luck. These differing perspectives highlight how this saying can be both motivating and cautionary, depending on one’s viewpoint.

Conclusion

In the end, "You get Bitcoin at the price you deserve" serves as a powerful reminder of the importance of education, timing, and decisiveness in the world of cryptocurrency. While it may not fully capture the complexities of market dynamics and individual circumstances, it encourages us to reflect on our actions and decisions. As I continue my journey with Bitcoin, I hold this saying close, not as a judgment, but as a motivator to stay informed and proactive.

What about you? How do you interpret this saying, and what has been your experience with Bitcoin? Share your thoughts and let’s continue this conversation.

Take Action Towards Financial Independence

If this article has sparked your interest in the transformative potential of Bitcoin, there's so much more to explore! Dive deeper into the world of financial independence and revolutionize your understanding of money by following my blog and subscribing to my YouTube channel.

🌐 Blog: Unplugged Financial Blog Stay updated with insightful articles, detailed analyses, and practical advice on navigating the evolving financial landscape. Learn about the history of money, the flaws in our current financial systems, and how Bitcoin can offer a path to a more secure and independent financial future.

📺 YouTube Channel: Unplugged Financial Subscribe to our YouTube channel for engaging video content that breaks down complex financial topics into easy-to-understand segments. From in-depth discussions on monetary policies to the latest trends in cryptocurrency, our videos will equip you with the knowledge you need to make informed financial decisions.

👍 Like, subscribe, and hit the notification bell to stay updated with our latest content. Whether you're a seasoned investor, a curious newcomer, or someone concerned about the future of your financial health, our community is here to support you on your journey to financial independence.

[reluctantjoe]

Yali Topol Margalith On The Tattooist Of Auschwitz & A Good Girl’s Guide To Murder

One star, two very different TV shows

Newcomer Yali Topol Margalith has two very different breakout roles to talk about: one is the heartrending Sky series The Tattooist of Auschwitz, based on the novel of the same name; and the other is the coming of age mystery/crime series A Good Girl’s Guide To Murder, also based on the novel of the same name. We sat down with Yali to hear all about both.

Interview: Yali Topol Margalith

Hi Yali, how’s life going at the moment?

It’s all relative isn’t it? Everything that comes to mind sounds cliché but true. I was reminded over the past year how dark the world can be – it’s not always rainbows and flowers. I feel lucky and very grateful.

You can currently be seen in The Tattooist of Auschwitz – can you give us an elevator pitch for the show?

Of course! Heather Morris, the incredible writer (and incredible woman) wrote, naturally, an incredible novel. It’s based on the true story of Lali and Gita – how they met, how they survived, how they fell in love in a horrific, life threatening situation. The series shows Heather’s meetings with Lali with the intention of writing a book about his life, and his stories play out on the screen, shown from his point of view.

You play Cilka – can you describe her?

Cilka is a fighter. She arrived at the concentration camp at a very young age and quickly found the opportunity to survive. She is totally committed to surviving with every decision that she makes.

What was it like playing her?

It was difficult, to be honest. It’s quite the challenge wearing the striped clothes and having a number on my forearm as a Jewish woman and considering my family history. I think that’s fair. The camp being brought to life right in front of my eyes was unbelievable. I can’t describe that feeling to you. I can’t put words to it. And Cilka is a character with a strong, solid facade, so fighting against my very real emotions in response to the camp seeming so real – that was a challenge no drama school could’ve prepared me for! But Cilka’s survivalist nature, and the significance and importance of this story, made it an absolute honour to play and, somehow, a joy to film.

How did you get into character/prepare for the role?

My grandmother is a Holocaust survivor. I grew up hearing stories and studied it deeply in school. I did a lot of my own research. I also like text work. I come from theatre so they teach us to treat the text like a Bible! So I read the script and noted down all my little notes – I won’t bore you with actor stuff. But it was only once I got to Bratislava, where we filmed, that I really began to understand her. The way that I saw her in the script: Cilka was a kid when she arrived at the concentration camp. She was overwhelmed very fast and needed somebody to hold her hand. When she realised nobody will and she’s utterly on her own, she created a persona for herself. This person who is unfazed by the horrors surrounding her. In this way, she holds her own hand. She’s almost playing a character that she believes can survive such a place.

Any memorable moments from rehearsals or filming?

I remember my first day on set, in my first TV job, in a concentration camp. It’s fair to say I was terrified and horrified. I got to meet the amazing Jonah Hauer King, playing Lali, and he is the coolest guy – seriously. If I was as talented and as good looking as him, I’d be a nightmare, but he’s just so humble. He saw me terrified and just gave me the most comforting look from across the room with a little wave. I immediately felt myself breathe again. I remember thinking to myself, ‘I want to be this kind of actor on set’ – the actor that actively puts people at ease. I’m so grateful for him.

What was the cast dynamic like? Who was your favourite person to work with?

I was lucky to get to work with a fantastic group of actors from all over the world. This is the easiest question to answer. My favourite actor to work with on set was Maja Wolska from Poland who plays Bella. She has that amazing actor ability, that not many actors have, to portray a person who has a history and is filled with complexities and layers – with just one look. She also had the challenge of acting in a second language. She just blew me away. On top of the talent, she’s one of the funniest people I’ve ever met and kind and beautiful and all the good things. I’m a big fan – you should be too!

You’re also about to appear in A Good Girl’s Guide to Murder, which sounds very different. How would you describe the series?

Also based on a book! Very different! Holly Jackson has written a best selling murder mystery adapted into a TV series by the BBC! It’s the story of a 17 year old kid called Pip who starts digging into an old murder case. In doing so, she uncovers some details that change her life forever.

You play Lauren – what is she like?

Lauren Gibson is Pip’s best friend and… Worst influence? She strives to live her teenage years like she has seen in the movies, which, as we know, is not realistic. So she lives in constant fear of missing out on life. She was also born to be the ‘embarrassing aunt’. She is absolutely always unapologetically herself. Now, in college, others might judge her for it, so she might not be the most popular. But in her 20s, she’s going to be the coolest.

What was it like to play her?

I had too much fun. I got to hang out with the funniest, sweetest, most ridiculous people all day: the cast, the crew, the creative team, the producers, makeup and hair, the medic, locations, everyone. I felt very trusted and was given a lot of freedom to play and improvise on set. I loved playing Lauren, and sometimes I wish I was a little more like her.

How did your experience on A Good Girl’s Guide to Murder differ to The Tattooist of Auschwitz?

In every way! I guess a less obvious difference is that I’ve really only ever done the comedic relief, or I’ve managed to lean my characters more into the comedic side, so playing Lauren was within my comfort zone. Filming The Tattooist was one huge challenge in every way.

Any roles in the pipeline that you’re excited about? (If you’re allowed to tell us!)

I can’t say yet – but I am starting something new this summer…

Who has been your favourite actor to work with?

Ooh, Mathew Baynton. The first time we met, I messed up so bad, I thought it was the end. But he forgave me. That’s a long story for another time.

Which co-star did you learn the most from? 

Truthfully, it’s hard to pick one. I feel like I learn something new from every actor that I work with. A miss universe answer.

What’s your dream role?

I don’t have one. I want to do everything. Every job that comes my way feels like a dream and a miracle, honestly.

What’s a genre you’d like to do more of?

Anything I haven’t tried yet. Which is a lot! But if I had to choose one… I’m a sucker for sketch comedy, have been since I was a kiddo. That would be cool.

Do you live in the town or the country? Which do you prefer?

I grew up living in town and was sure I moved to the country when I ended up in the outskirts of London. But once I travelled, I realised there’s country and there’s country. I’m a city girl.

What’s your interior design style?

My partner is a lot more interested in interior design so luckily I don’t have to think about it too much. His is grandma chic for sure.

What did you want to be when you were growing up?

My grandpa probably. I still want to be him when I grow up.

If you could give advice to your 15-year-old self, what would it be? 

Don’t trust that funky smelling cigarette in Camden. Just walk away. And learn to relax sometimes. If you want to be the best at what you do, you have to make mistakes. Excluding the funky smelling cigarette.

How can we all live a little bit better?

To do lists. For sure. Aaaand I think we have to find a way to stop dehumanising people. Somehow. Keeping it light!

Anything fun in the pipeline – professionally or personally?

Nothing has been announced yet so I can’t tell you anything professionally, I’ll just wink at you. And personal life? What personal life?

Yali Topol Margalith Recommends…

I’m currently watching… The Bear

What I’m reading… Cilka’s Journey by Heather Morris

The last thing I watched (and loved) was… Yannick by Quentin Dupieux. I love pressure cooker plays – although this is a film, it feels like a piece of theatre. I find they focus more on the characters’ journeys, which is my favourite part of any story. In this case, it really lends itself into the farcical comedy of the film, which wins you over. By the time the drama and horror begins, you’re won over and you’re hooked.

What I’m most looking forward to seeing… I still haven’t seen Wicked Little Letters. I’m just too excited for it and don’t want to never be able to watch it for the first time again.

Favourite film of all time… I’m changing all the time, so it changes all the time! Right now The Lobster is the film I think about the most.

Favourite song of all time… Constantly changing… again… But I always go back to ‘Blackbird’ by the Beatles. It feels very nostalgic for me. I also love ‘The Way I Feel Inside’ by The Zombies. My partner Timo often sends it to me so…. Yes, it’s become one of my favourite songs.

Band/singer I always have on repeat… Barbara Streisand. Chet Baker. Aaron Taylor’s old stuff.

My ultimate cultural recommendation… Watch The Ocean at the End of the Lane whenever it’s on in London!

Cultural guilty pleasure… The Bald and the Beautiful podcast. And I don’t feel guilty about it.

WATCH

Yali Topol Margalith stars in The Tattooist of Auschwitz, with all episodes streaming now on NOW.

A Good Girl’s Guide To Murder will air on the BBC later this year.

[rise-my-angel]

can i ask why your giving an appearance to the reader? no hate just curious since it’s meant to be an x reader

It is a reader fic, but in all fairness because I specify she is a Baratheon, that will mean certain physical traits are implied and is in many cases, important. The distinct apperance of a Baratheon is a plot point in multiple respects throughout the main story, and both with the gifs I post and the descriptions of other characters its clear I am basing many characters on their show adaptation. Meaning that there are multiple implied things about the way the reader will look by calling her a Baratheon.

I also don't tend to restrict myself on how I write my readers. I don't really like the idea that readers have to fall into much more blank slate categories. Readers can be as general or as specific as their author wants, and I am perfectly fine with either. I've read reader fics where the reader literally has a first name, before. Right off the bat I specify she is a female and a Baratheon, two things already which some people will not be able to relate too.

I don't use x reader fics personally as blank slate reader characters, but I use them as a writing style I prefer of second person point of view. I understand general non descript readers are important to some, but especially for this story, their apperance as a Baratheon is actually integral to their role in the story.

The only way around that would be to make her as part of a completely original House but that would take away the role of the story her as a Baratheon was intended to play, thus she has apperance descriptors. Which I do try and not write a lot of so its overwhelming. But enough to remind the audience even subconsciously, that her apperance as a Baratheon is something which plays roles still in the current story.

The only not important descriptor she has, is that she's kind of short and yeah that's totally just self indulgent. I'm short so I write her as short because that's the only height oriented world view I have.

I don't hide that she has an appearance, but I simply don't think the strict blank slate reader is best for every writer or story. It's case by case basis what works best for the writer. Her apperance isn't meant to alienate or offend anyone, but it's written as a reader beacuse it still gives some wiggle room for the story's audience to use their imagination about the character instead of having such firm and unchanging standards that come with an oc.

There's no room for personal interpretation with oc's which is fine, but thats not what I'm aiming for. I just don't like writing such generalized blank slate reader characters, and her apperance being that of a Baratheon is much more plot oriented then anything else.

Everyone writes their readers differently, and I totally understand if my fics reader character's description as a Baratheon turns people off. That is totally fair.

[liabxrry]

ᴸᵉᵃᵛᵉ ⁿᵒᵗⁱᶜᵉ! ₊˚.༄

Hello everyone!

After some thinking, I have decided to abandon my initial promise to myself of keeping this account for 150 days until May 26th.

I will be officially leaving off tumblr!

I don't plan to delete this account as, I would like to keep it for sentimental sake. For those who don't know I've been rping as Lia since last year March (as well as Yeonjun since September the year before). Since I have deleted my past accounts of both, I'd like to keep this one as a reminder of the many memories I have come to make.

This account will remain here as well as my other accounts but they will no longer be in use.

Over the past year and a bit mainly, I've been very blessed to have met many different people through rp. I made lots of special connections with different muses and admins and really, I have cherished every single thing that's occurred, believe it or not, both bad and good. I've learnt lots of lessons through others as well as just through roleplay and being other characters.

While the community comes with certain downfalls that I'm sure many of us are familiar with, I still believe overall it's a community filled with very lovely people who in the end just have a common goal of having fun and interacting with others, and I want to thank the community for being so kind in many ways.

It was an honor being able to interact with everyone. Thank you for your efforts that you've put into relations with me. Thank you for the many friendships and experiences. I'll hold them dearly as I spoke to many of you during difficult and more lonely parts of my life.

I'm sorry to leave on short notice, especially for those who I was amidst role-playing with.

If you would like to stay in touch with me, I'll be online here for another day before officially taking my leave so we can make a plan. If I decide to be active on a writing account then I'll come link it here but right now, I will have no active accounts.

Again, thank you to everyone. I hope everyone stays healthy and happy. I hope everyone who's facing difficulties is met with ease soon. Please take care of yourselves.

Much love,

Lia & zaf ‎♡

[thanidiel]

Invisible

Recommended: 27- Benthos | 19 - Turn a Blind Eye

After all these turns, all these volatile to-and-fro’s that may only ever be credited to me, and the lapping currents in which, thankfully, madness lays dormant, there is one marid in the room still. It’s a true one; a real one. Not a shoddily applied half-metaphor. And I won’t speak so foolishly and redundantly at this point - dear mind of mine, you’ve been the abject audience to so many of my stories regarding why I don’t speak to her as she wishes with all the what’s, where’s, and how’s. At this point, I would spare us both of the impotent ravings of my rationalizations. I know I brought my marids into this marriage too, we all know it. I have a flock of them, even, flapping their pink floppy ears up and down around us both while we pretended, for a very long time, that they were more nuisances than anything else. 

I’m well-fucking-aware. I know she feels like sometimes she must be living with an utter stranger, and I know, I know, I know, I know‒ I know everything about the questions she holds back. And, fuck, by the very fucking blood of my Father and Mother which made me, I’m so fucking ashamed of myself some suns that I’ve created my own haunts in her mind; where she wanders the same chewing hallways I once walked with a babe’s eye, this incomprehensible horror that always ends in a confused focus of where is she? and what happened to her? I know I did that to her.

I know, I know, I know.

I know.

And that makes it all the more frustrating to me that I’ve never managed to find a way for her to ever just speak to me. And that‒ however hypocritical it may be ‒pains me, though I’ve never once told her. I’ve always been a good lover in that regard. I don’t ask questions, I never press, I never say my love, what the fuck is up with you? I don’t.

So she just never tells me.

I’m the bad person here, so I play my role accordingly. I take the heat for being so close-mouthed, even though I have told, and told, and told her so many things, so many feelings, from the very start. I accept that script, and I embrace that spotlight.

I let her bow out, every time. 

Because I know I wear it better.

But you know what? She isn’t here right now.

So I’m going to say it.

I feel like I know my fucking wife less than my wife thinks she does me. And believe me, I tried the same thing she did. I tried the kindness, the welcomeness, the looks and the gentle affections, I even did the good ol’ you can always share anything with me lines of bullshit conversation.

It didn’t work, so I fucking stopped. I thought she just needed time. But here we are, and I haven’t told her this either, and on the inside I am so fucking sick of the way my stomach twists every time she reminds me that I don’t know anything about her, after all.

It’s even worse in this last turn. Because now we’ve reached this point that we’ve grown older, and sometimes I feel like she earnestly grew up without me all this time. I make assumptions now of things shared between us before and she corrects me on how so much differently she feels, like the last time those ideas were even hinted to me were like some delusional mirage of our togetherness. How is that creeping up on me? I dine with her, I live with her, I sleep with her. I suppose I can’t honestly say we’ve made love all that much (though we have in this past moon, happily?), but I fuck her too.

And she just won’t tell me anything.

But she wonders why I’m not just content with what we have? Her fucking father died within a sennight of her meeting me, and in those three turns I’ve heard her talk a little about how complex it was for her, two turns ago. Maybe some moons sprinkled atop of that. Her mother? Her mother is in everything there is about Evilie, she misses her so much (or who knows how fucking wrong I am about that, too?). But I’ve spoken more of my Parents and how their respective absences affected my life than Evilie has her’s‒ and I was allocated a fraction of the exposure that my wife received in her own life. Let’s not (I say, rhetorically, as I absolutely want to fucking get into it for fucking once) even get into her sister. I’m the one that woke Evilie the fuck up in the first place. But I hear more from Abrielle, honestly, and we haven’t been able to sit down for those make-up talks before a night out since she moved out. I hear about how Abrielle feels about them, I hear what Abrielle regrets about them, I hear where it’s healing-but-complicated-or-maybe-weird from Abrielle.

What the fuck has my own gods-be-damned wife told me about any of this? Why won’t she? Why is it that I’ve had to stand so stagnantly, so still, in all my unknown, as I watch her just keep fucking going ahead of me? I can’t even give myself the luxury of saying that she’s just balling it all in. Because I’ve watched her mind change, palpably, on all of those. Because I act like I’m busy and go straight to the armory or our bedchambers when I see there’s candles lit in the kitchen. Because I see when that bit of hair near her ear looks a little stiff from the crying that happened earlier when she was alone.

It’s not as though I want my lover to be sad, and be comforted by me alone in that sadness. Rather, I want it to be understood right now that while I have lived such an odd and shoddy life, I at least know it’s not fucking normal that, since we’ve been together anyway, that I’ve never seen Evilie cry unless I’m sad or nearly killed myself. 

Over the turns, I’ve told myself that she’ll reach out. I even made myself pretty optimistic for a while there, that maybe I could be there for her, and with her, if I just shook myself. If I got myself back into line with the sweet words, and sweet looks, and the conversations, and lovemaking, and that romance we knew we could feel, and started trying to show her that I’m not fucking sad about ‘us’, I’m fucking sad about how it’s all gotten to this point. I’m fucking sad enough to clamp my mouth closed and shut my eyes and just scream about how there was a place for me, and then suddenly I now find myself cold, in this awkward niche that isn’t as carved out as we imagined it to be; suddenly I now watch her at home in all of these spaces that either aren’t made for me, or apparently aren’t somewhere she wants me to be.

If that wasn’t the case, then why doesn’t she just talk to me?

Sometimes I feel like she’s made me into this hysterical thing, though I know well I would find a thousand other ways to serve out my usual regardless of where I am and who I walk with. Sometimes I feel like she’s written herself out of this relationship and there’s only ever me and how fucked up I am, and I’m trying to be relieved that I see her wanting to take up space now but that’s hard too. Sometimes I wonder why the fuck she keeps me around anyway, but there’s not really a nice counterpoint for that as I’ve done nothing someone else couldn’t do after I passed the reins off to Elise on the levies.

Sometimes, I feel like I’m so foolish that I wish someone with more wisdom than me‒ Severine, or Esen, or Kowa, or even fucking Elia‒ would just dress me down already for how stupid I look; vacillating, and vacillating, and vacillating, between ‘I’m fucking fed up and losing my mind!’ and ‘But actually I love her and I just need to keep trying’ with sometimes a splash of ‘look at how hard I’m trying with this metaphor that would make her scream’. Because I do look stupid. It even makes me look more fucking stupid than my other usual routine of trying to tell myself or other people, depending, that I’m actually not into Vander anymore every other moon.

It’s the two times in my fucking life that I wish I’d just stop talking with so much confidence.

Spirits, I can’t even tell you (as oxymoronic as that is to say to my autoaudientia), mind of mine, how easy it felt to love her this past sennight. It came so easily. I felt so enraptured with her, that awed interest on her face like she were enchanted by me, by us, all over again. And only because she was witnessing me love her purely, without anything else at all upon my mind - she was moved by that. It felt sweet, it felt like everything changed. And maybe some things changed, maybe I needed to be able to have enough space in my mind to just remember, genuinely, how much I love her in the grand scheme of the cosmos (versus the vaguely conformist pressure of maintaining the narrative of great love). Maybe it will be making things better for us now that we have (How I would suffer all I did twice over to just have this guarantee) stronger ground than we did before.

I pray for that; perhaps that will be the first thing I pray on when we’ve arranged where the shrine should go. I really do. I really do want to keep loving her, and I really do want it to all just be hot air and bullshit in the end on all of the meanness that wants to pass through my mind and into my feet, and I really do want to just be able to be content with where I am, and where we are.

And now‒

Now the marid’s back in the room.

And you don’t talk about the marid.

I try not to break the rule here, but I’m making myself nervous. I hate to even use the word, which makes the feeling worse, but I can feel this dread building up between my lungs because we’re back home and I swear to the fucking Fury I’ll kill myself if we just go back to how it was before our trip.

She’s taking off her gloves, and calling my name.

So I breathe in, and I look.

And the words fail me on how alive that smile looks on her face.

So I breathe out, and I smile back.

We don’t talk about Evilie.

[quindriepress]

This week's spotlight is on Ell J Walker and their comic Catharsis. Ell is an Edinburgh-based artist who originally washed up on the shores of Orkney. She likes drawing sad men, horses, guitars and folklore. (@elljwalker | website | instagram | mastodon | twitter)

Catharsis follows Dimitri and Asha, two young heavy metal musicians. "Catharsis is about self confidence, figuring out how to express vulnerable and destructive feelings, and about seeking confidence from within yourself rather than from some outside source. It’s also about death metal, demons and young aspiring musicians, backed by the setting of remote coastal Scotland."

Read the spotlight below the cut!

"This comic is a bit of a mix of things - first and foremost I wanted to create something that I’d really have a lot of enthusiasm about. I’d had a really rough time creatively over the past few years during lockdown and the ongoing pandemic, and I really needed to be kind to myself and make sure the next thing I made was going to be fun. I remember thinking to myself when I was putting together the pitch: ‘if I’m going to be drawing 40 pages of this, it’s going to have to contain things I really enjoy drawing’. Hence the sad boy with long hair, the horse, the demon, the guitars and the sea."

"On top of that, I’ve been on a huge metal kick lately. It was something that helped pull me out of the strange, buzzing, numb anxiety that the pandemic had injected into me. Listening to metal was weirdly soothing - it felt like a way to feed the parts of me that had been depleted with music I could really feel. Growling, angry, monstery vocals, insane shredding, weird time signatures, the seismic thrum of double-pedalling bass drums, galloping rhythms - it’s something that helps me simultaneously soothe myself and really feel things. Maybe that doesn’t make a lot of sense. I just really like metal, and wanted to express both how it’d helped me, and how much of a valuable medium it is to safely express volatile feelings - a key theme in Catharsis." 

"I think since music has always run parallel to art for me, they naturally feed into one another, even if it hasn’t felt like it at times for me. I’m sure it’s different for everyone, but personally, playing music feels like tapping into an internal part of me that knows what it’s doing - it’s how I found confidence in my teen years. I was lucky enough to start learning piano from age 8 and guitar and bass from age 12 - so I got the awkward part of the learning process out of the way fairly quickly, when I didn’t have all that much self-consciousness to hinder me. And while I’ve never been super great at composing or improvising, having the confidence to know my technical skills let me perform always fuelled my confidence. Saying that though, like Dimitri, at times I do often struggle to play in front of people. Ironically, my younger, more generally self-conscious self was better at that than my current, more confident adult self. I wonder why that is? Maybe I should draw another comic to find out."

"Art, although I’ve been doing it for even longer than music, feels very different as a creative process. It definitely comes from somewhere else in me, somewhere maybe a little bit more introspective and personal, and therefore more delicate. I’m still grasping to find my art confidence - I suppose writing and drawing Catharsis is a reflection of that, and reminding myself that it’s just a case of finding it within yourself eventually, even if it means taking baby steps, and gradually practising how to express that vulnerability."

While music has played a big role in Ell's life, it hasn't been their only influence. "For a long time I’ve drawn inspiration from folklore and stories that appear fantastical, but can be read as allegorical or metaphorical. I think art and stories are made real by the viewer/reader and their interpretation, and ancient stories that are retold through the mind of someone new are super interesting to me - what new themes can be added by the reteller, and what original themes that were put there hundreds, maybe thousands of years ago, persist? I particularly enjoy the Hellboy comics for this reason (also because they’re so much fun) as well as the God of War games.

"I also take a lot of inspiration generally from the natural world around me, and how I feel when I’m in nature. I think having recently taken more time to practise mindfulness and work on my own mental health has really expanded how I think about stories, the world around me and how I relate to it. I want to help inspire others to find the strengths that exist within themselves that they might think aren’t there, or they can’t reach."

"I grew up in the town of Stromness, in Orkney (a small archipelago of islands off the top of Scotland, for those who aren’t familiar), and therefore spent most of my young life living about ten paces from the sea, so the sea in particular has always felt like a part of me and my development.

"I was taught to fear and respect the ocean from a young age, particularly because the sea could be incredibly rough and dangerous around the islands. I know of several people who have lost their lives to it in one way or another. I think the fact that such a powerful natural force that was nevertheless teeming with life - the contents of rockpools, seaweed, seals, otters, seabirds, fish, cetaceans - was just really fascinating and interesting to think about. Of course folklore is something else I heard a lot about as a kid, and being able to hear these stories, then go for a walk down the shore and imagine these creatures of myth and legend existing in the same place - or even to see the selkies watching me from the water - was an amazing inspiration."

Ell has this advice for aspiring comic creators: "Make sure you’re making comics for YOU, not what you think other people want! This is something I’ve struggled with for a long time (art school taught me to make what the tutors wanted, not what I wanted) and can be more difficult than you think. But ultimately if you have enthusiasm for your project, it will always shine through. If it’s a slog, and you’re not enjoying it, hit the bricks! Have fun with it and don’t let expectations, or worse, perceived expectations, curb what you enjoy making."

 You can pick up Catharsis, alongside the other three comics in our 2023 collection, right here on Kickstarter!

[stilettomafiosas]

while it's on my mind, I think I'm gonna be a little vulnerable (I typically don't post much personal stuff HAHA) and just talk a little bit about my personal relationship with making and sharing art as an autistic/schizophrenic person—

using the common metaphor, I DO very much feel like an alien or like I'm wearing masks and playing different roles—none of which are comfortable or actually me—every day. I have an extreme difficulty in connecting to people directly, regardless of how much I like the person or how much I wish to overcome that barrier. I don't connect to people or understand a lot of the typical tones, cues, suggestions, etc.

face-to-face? I don't even know when a conversation is over. people have to outright tell me to leave because I don't know when to go or when it's appropriate to say goodbye. I have no idea what the proper response to most things is. throughout my whole life, I've experienced the constant confusion of wondering why people question everything I do, or why people laugh every time I say something, no matter how serious I am. my family too! I can be on the verge of tears trying to confide something and they laugh, and upon being asked why, they cheerfully say they thought I was joking or that I'm very funny. I don't try to be funny! and I rarely crack jokes so it's odd that I've gotten that reputation.

if I'm not being laughed at, I'm being snubbed or insulted or written off as a jerk and I again have NO idea until someone finally explains that one of my reactions or expressions upset them and I never had a clue. one of my old coworkers wouldn't speak to me for days, and went around behind my back telling everyone else that I'm rude and hateful because—? I didn't speak to her every time she brushed by. context: I still greeted everyone in the morning because I know that's polite, but to me, it made sense to not address someone each time they dart by because it's distracting us both from the sensitive, calculation-heavy labwork we were doing. apparently that's not what everyone else thought LMAO. I was the odd one out.

people have gotten angry with me for not looking happy about a gift or excited about something and accused me of ruining their day, or that I didn't deserve the kindness because I wasn't grateful for it. I unfortunately DO have a flat affect irl and my expressions and tone never match what I feel or how intensely I feel it, so I can't fault them for being offended there, but it's another constant reminder that I don't entirely fit in and have to micromanage aspects of myself that a lot of people don't even have to think about. that's part of why I may seem a little too eager or enthusiastic in text sometimes LOL, I try to put extra effort into making SURE that my tone is as clear as possible!! removing body language and expressions from communication is difficult for a lot of people to begin with, and I don't want to add unnecessary doubt about what I mean when it's something I DO have full control over!

that to say this: I just do not feel like I belong ANYWHERE. are there people who feel the same way as i do? absolutely!! am I a unique experience? definitely not!! but in my personal life, I AM very much isolated and disconnected. I feel like there's no easy, comfortable, or safe way for me to reach out to others and just share little things that make us people. I can't chat about my day or hit people up or go hang out, and not for lack of wanting to—or trying. I love the people in my life and I'd gladly do anything I can to help them or be a listener, but that's as far as I've really been able to go.

so how do I connect and confide? ART. everyone shares art in an attempt to connect in some way or another, but to a drastically heightened degree for me. sharing art, particularly personal projects and extra-especially writing, is how I quietly try to talk to others. everyone starts a conversation with their art but that's generally the only conversation I have at all so it's SO SO so important to me

I could never just confide in someone or disclose personal things one-on-one, so I do that with my art and stories. it's literally the only way I get that stuff out in the open LOL. the stuff that's meaningful to me, stuff I think about a lot, things I'm afraid of, all of that is wrapped up in the characters I create and the stories I tell with them and any time I share some details I'm just like "hey!! does anyone understand!! can anyone hear me!!" I don't seek validation or praise for the mechanics of my art (though it's definitely valued and great encouraging and appreciated!!) I'm mostly desperate for an unspoken conversation or connection. that someone DOES understand and they DO hear me regardless of how quiet I am or how much I fumble with opening up. (even writing this is embarrassing HAHA. I don't even list my age or gender or the most basic/typical information, how am I supposed to talk about any of my THOUGHTS directly??)

but then again I also don't promote or advertise my stuff very much. I've got years worth of stories and mountains of writing that never see the light of day. a lot of people don't even know that I write at all lmao and that's totally on me: because it IS so deeply personal that it's sometimes scary to share it. I'm fortunate enough to have a career outside of my art so I don't rely on it to make a living and find it necessary to promote to an audience so I can pay bills. and I don't have any attachments to the fanart I make—I DO enjoy the stuff I make fanart for, but to me, it's only a vehicle of enthusiasm for me to make more art as practice to brush up on skills, and it isn't personal or something I deeply project on.

this is so disorganized, and I'll delete it later because I've never really talked about this, especially here, but yeah...!! in summary, I make art and write stories as a language, in a way to communicate with people and share thoughts that I normally can never ever do via a regular conversation, post, or rare stream-of-consciousness thing like this. LMAO. I want to connect to people, and be remembered, and understood, and being vulnerable in sharing stories is how I do that. I don't make things (outside of fanart at least) to be consumed, I make them to start a conversation—even if its entirely an internal one and I never know you even thought of it, I just want to inspire some manner of "hey, I get you! i understand what you're saying!! you're real and you aren't incapable of being a person because I see what you're trying to convey and I know exactly what you mean!! it's okay if you're distant and communicate in your own way because you still made me feel something!!"

it's a lonely experience. I'm happy to have finally gotten the diagnoses and explanations for why I feel some of these things, and while it's comforting to know why, living with it is no easier... but art is so special to me moreso now than ever :,)