#and i honestly kind of think it's not that healthy to be unwilling to interact with art that is not escapist in nature

[edwardshundredyearoldspunk]

I'm tired of the way we coddle "escapist" media. we act like, by virtue of being a simpler world, it shouldn't be held to the standards that more apparently complex stories are held to. and then, when the creator dares make your "comfort escapist show" have greater emotional stakes people have the audacity to say it's out of character

[testudoaubrei-blog]

TL/DR - Catra is a uniquely complex and compelling character who has -so much going on- compared with most characters in any medium. Her character arc is psychologically astute, morally powerful and dramatically compelling, and it pushes the boundaries of the audiences sympathies in ways that are really groundbreaking for a kids show, and her arcs conclusion celebrates love, growth, and the power to change in a way that is all too rare in TV for grown ups.

Content note for mentions of suicidal ideation and self harm.

Well, now that the summary is out of the way, here’s a massive fucking dissertation on why Catra is such a great character.

This is the first of a series of posts outlining things that make She Ra a truly great show, one that stands out even 15 years into a golden age of TV animation for kids. This isn’t going to be a comprehensive account for why the show is great - the real answer is that this show has so many arcs and so many fully realized characters and they are all growing and changing in ways that interact with each other and complement each other so well. But I’m going to highlight some particular standouts, things that this show does better than anything else, things that made me step back and say ‘holy shit they did this in a show pitched at 10 year olds?!’

And so the first of these posts is about Catra. I’ve never seen a character in a kids TV show like Catra before. Depending on the season, she’s an anti-villain, an outright villain and an anti-hero and then, in the end, a hero. Being glib, I describe her in villain mode as a Saturday morning cartoon Supervillain as written by like, Dostoevsky. She’s got the trappings of classic villain camp - long speeches, sneering, over-complicated plans, she’s oddly ineffectual at times etc/ Yet all of this is underlaid and justified by something much deeper - her feelings of rejection, her desire to lash out at everyone around her, at her self-hatred and hatred of everyone and everything else (at least by Season 4. Good God.) And her actions are as dark as her motivations - she nearly destroys reality out of spite, betrays literally everyone who cares about her (often multiple times) and isolates herself so completely that in the season 4 finale she is a solitary, suicidal wreck of a person. Hell, in her last fight with Hordak, I was definitely rooting for Hordak (to say nothing of Glimmer, who is a pretty impressive antiheroine, like if Sparkles had just blasted her into glittery oblivion would we have held it against her?).

Let's start by discussing trauma. It comes up a lot with Catra for obvious and good reasons. But I almost feel like that word is insufficient for what's going on with Catra, or at least, we shouldn't stop with it (I know there are terms like complex trauma, but rather than simply using those I want to explain the difference between Catra’s consistent abuse and a single traumatic event). To use another example from a different show, Korra was also traumatized in season 4. But she was traumatized by a series of an events when she was a young adult. She had something horrible happen to her, and it fucked her up, and then she had exposure therapy with Zaheer and at least starts to get better. Catra...Catra is much more consistently abused. It's not just that shadow weaver traumatized her with the various acts of torture, but that Shadow Weaver taught Catra both an explicit worldview and a series of coping mechanisms that she struggles with through young adulthood. First, Shadow Weaver trained Catra to seek her approval. This is something she is particularly vulnerable to with Shadow Weaver, but also what she does with Hordak and to a extent Double Trouble. Catra's instinct when people mistreat her or show that they aren't trustworthy is to invest further in the relationship, until the breaking point. By contrast, when people treat her well Catra lashes out or takes them for granted. This is uh…a dymamic I am acquainted with among people who have been abused as kids, people whom I love. It is pretty rough.

She also developed a desire to prove herself. This starts off being tied to her drive for approval, but combined with her competitive streak (which is expressed in both healthy and unhealthy ways with Adora) it turns into a desire to beat Shadow Weaver and then Hordak at their own game.

At the same time, Catra learned by always being blamed for everything to evade and deny responsibility, no matter what. I think this form of self reassurance is tied to her self doubt (I think at some level she does think she is worthless) and her self hatred. It is also enabled by Adora’s martyr complex and willingness even act as Catra’s punching bag (as we see in the flashback in Corridors). This is a dynamic that actually repeats in an even worse fashion with Scorpia. Far from being arrogant, her constant evasions, put downs against others and preening speeches sound like the words of a woman who is trying to convince herself most of all. This tendency borders on narcissistic self delusion by season 3-4, which she begins recounting her version of events and possibly believing it even when it is obviously false, and everyone knows it.

When it comes to worldviews, Shadow Weaver taught Catra that love is about control and manipulation. We see this in seasons 1-3 where she congratulates herself for manipulating Adora when all she has done is take advantage of Adora's lingering love for her. Meanwhile, she’s learned that power is her only protection, and that the only way to stay on top is to abuse those beneath her.

The final kind of static tendency in Catra is her identity in the horde and her view of herself as one of the bad guys. This is something she rarely articulates but underlies much of her her decision to stay and not join Adora (at least at first). I think one thing to consider is that even if Catra never believed horde propaganda, it may have made her cynical and unwilling to imagine something better for herself or the world. Another factor is having struggled to belong in the horde for so long, she isn't going to give up now. At first this ties into her desire to win the approval of shadow weaver and Hordak, then it comes from her desire to prove herself better than them. Another factor is her self hatred. She sees herself as someone who hurts people, perhaps as a monster. She sees herself as a bad guy and so team evil is her side.

So yeah, our girl is kinda fucked up.

And yet Catra is never reduced to the sum of her traumas and bad habits. At every step of the way she is shown as a moral agent. She is shaped by shadow Weaver's abuse but she remains aware of and responsible for her actions. This is a double edged sword. She is fully responsible for her actions, but also she is never shown as broken by abuse or mental illness. She’s fully responsible, but by the same token is also redeemable, because she still has a choice.

So with that our of the way, let's go to Catra's arc.

I’m not going to recite everything terrible Catra does because I’m still on my first complete rewatch and I honestly find it hard to list it all. It’s a lot. So let’s talk about her shifting motivations. Early on, we see her desire for approval and recognition motivating her in ways that are so easy to sympathize with - she’s been told she’s worthless for years, and she wants to be worth something. We see how much she’s been scarred by Shadow Weavers abuse and by the ruthlessness and callousness of the Horde, and can sympathize with her desire to survive and advance since her own position is so untenable. We also see how, at first, she wants to be reunited with Adora. Her first huge turn into much darker territory is Promises, when she tries to kill Adora in order to permanently sever her connection with her own life and eliminate a possible rival for advancement (should Adora ever return). She’s told herself that she doesn’t want Adora back, and at least partly means it. Yet we still show her care for Scorpia and Entrapta and even Shadow Weaver in Season 2. It’s when Catra realizes that Shadow Weaver has chosen Adora over her once again that she takes her darkest turn. It’s not just that she destroys reality out of spite, it’s that she rejects her chance for a better and happier life, betrays every friend she has and focuses single-mindedly on hurting Adora (and arguably herself) and then on surviving when her attempt fails. Then Catra spends an entire season both fully inhabiting her role as a villain (and not a sympathetic one - really only our history with her leaves us sympathetic) and being utterly self-destructive and miserable. At the end, as mentioned, she’s a broken, suicidal wreck who has destroyed everything she’s strived for. If this was an HBO drama, we’d roll credits here and she’d go down as another self-destructive antihero. It would perhaps be too much to call her ‘Walter White as a catgirl’, but still. Of course, her story doesn’t end there.

Something that is incredibly dark that is happening in step with this is Catra’s hardening of herself, indeed, her dehumanization of herself. We see her struggle with her natural compassion, her kindness, her need for connection, her desire for happiness, and we see her ignore it all, stamp it down and nearly snuff it out. This is a huge factor in her descent into becoming a real villain (no ‘anti’ qualifiers needed). Every step of her descent is a struggle for Catra - not going with Adora in the second part of ‘The Sword’, trying to kill Adora in ‘Promise’, going back to the Horde, betraying Entrapta, lying about Entrapta, threatening Scorpia, destroying the world - but she always chooses evil. And with every step she becomes more isolated, more callous, and more cruel. Her default reaction becomes not just bravado and mockery and insolence, but threats, bullying and intimidation, until her management style is identical to Hordak’s, and indeed, is quite a bit worse. Catra starts off fighting for Hordak and Shadow Weaver’s approval and struggling to survive, and ends up cackling maniacally at her brutal and murderous conquests. She has very deliberately turned herself into a cruel conqueror, and a tyrant. This self-dehumanization is a huge part of evil in the world, I think, and it’s really powerful to see it so clearly in a kids show.

Meanwhile her insistence on evading all responsibility finally results in a self-serving, self-protective narrative that insulates her from responsibility or self-examination but also cuts her off from reality and other people. It’s always a bit unclear to what extent her various untruths (about Adora leaving her, about Shadow Weaver’s escape and her concealment of it not being her fault, about Entrapta betraying Hordak) are things she believes, lies she is telling to have power over others (mostly Scorpia) or things that she doesn’t quite believe but is trying to convince herself of. It’s probably all of these at various times, and in different degrees for each lie. The end result is that Catra is even more alone, because only she inhabits the safe cocoon of lies she’s built around herself. It also is the key to her and the Horde’s downfall - Catra is so isolated and in such denial that she can’t see how thin her forces are spread, and this crack shows up even in episode 1 of Season 4, with her insistence that the Princess Alliance is in shambles (when, in fact, it’s already rebounding, and proves more resilient than she allows herself to believe, and is led by a woman as ruthless and determined as herself). This part of Catra’s arc brilliantly shows how deception (of yourself and others) can feel protective by keeping shame at bay, but ultimately is destructive and strips someone of so much of the intellectual and moral qualities that we call ‘human.’ It’s also chilling to see since we’ve seen the end game of this mentality play out in US national politics, at the highest level.

I said at the opening that we’ve never seen a sympathetic character like Catra in a kids show. What about Zuko? I would argue that Zuko is never a cruel, or as callous, or as self-destructive as Catra is at her worst. Zuko is motivated by a desire for recognition from his abusive father (much like Catra is initially motivated by desire for recognition from Hordak and Shadow Weaver, and indeed Adora), and perhaps a desire to belong in the Fire Nation. All of this gets wrapped together in his ‘Honor’. He’s a young man with a very weak sense of what he truly believes, instead relying on external guides to what he should do. He’s also incredibly self-involved, and initially indifferent to anyone’s pain but his own and anyone’s needs but his own need to restore his honor. Uncle Iroh is there throughout to push Zuko both to see the needs of others and to become his own person. Zuko’s redemption arc, then, is a twofold quest to recognize other people and to find his own moral center and act from it. This is a pretty powerful coming of age story in that it is about him becoming his own person and throwing off the shackles of his upbringing. Politically, it’s a powerful story of a young man taking responsibility for his own actions in an authoritarian regime and refusing to participate in its imperialism any more and to embrace a new way forward both for himself and his nation. At the same time, in some ways it is easy to sympathize with Zuko because his greatest crimes are those of weakness - he’s not strong enough to stand up to his nation and his family until midway through the last season. Catra though...Catra does what she does, eventually, because she wants to hurt people. She’s cruel, and spiteful, and destructive in ways that are truly scary and which prevent any excuse or mitigation.

Which brings up the other comparison - Azula. But while Azula is (somewhat inconsistently) shown either as a monstrous child sociopath or a traumatized and broken child who can’t help it (and thus, perversely, as not a moral agent but something like a monster), Catra is consistently shown as a moral agent. Catra chooses her own path, every step of the way. She has so many chances to do something else - Adora’s offers to leave together in the two-part series opener, Promises, Scorpia’s suggestion that they dessert the Horde and become desert gang leaders, etc - and until season 5, she turns them all down. While Azula seems destined for evil and madness, with Catra we see a young woman very deliberately walk down the path into unmitigated evil with both eyes open. And then we see it destroy her.

And after she is basically destroyed, we see her build herself back. This process actually starts in Season 4 with the creeping realization that even when she is winning she is miserable and alone. She doesn’t even notice Scorpia is gone for several episodes, then she completely loses it. She spends the entire time when she is at her most triumphant isolated and raging and borderline incoherent, as ineffectual as she accuses Hordak of being. She’s won, and she’s alone, and she’s the most unhappy she has ever been, and I think for the first time she realizes that. And that’s the worst blow to her, even before all the external things come crashing down. She’s already miserable before Double Trouble and Glimmer deal her a triple coup de grace of destroying all her armies*, turning her and Hordak against each other and then Double Trouble’s epic evisceration. By the time Glimmer shows up, Catra is, as mentioned, literally suicidal. But she’s also already begun the process of changing in that she knows that she has a problem (her, and her self/other-destructive tendencies). Moreover, she knows, at some level, that what she really wants isn’t conquest, or to prove herself as the baddest leader of the Horde, but love - and she’s seen how she’s squandered that at every opportunity.

Let’s just pause for a moment to observe how much better Glimmer is at villainous machinations than Catra. In a couple episodes she makes a faustian bargain for unlimited power, kills all her enemies armies, sets her two chief foes at each other’s throats and literally cripples one while rendering the other helpless. And given her ironic non-answer about hurting Catra (‘we’re the good guys, remember?’ and the fact that she’d tried to kill Catra twice before**, she walked into Hordak’s sanctum fully intending to end Catra’s life, one way or another. She does all this through ruthlessness, recklessness and treachery, and she could give like, a TED talk on villainy. Of course it also blows up in her face and is actually way worse than the portal did in Catra’s, endangering the whole universe (I always assumed that the portal only threatened Despondos), dooming Etheria to invasion and all that. Of course, Catra pulled that switch and then fought Adora knowing that the world was ending, while Glimmer was just ignoring warnings from...just about everyone, including Shadow Weaver. So yeah, Glimmer, best kids show antihero since Princess Bubblegum***(unless we’re counting Catra as an antihero, which works for the first half of season 5).

Anyway, at the beginning of Season 5 Catra is adrift. Though some interpretations, like TV tropes, see her as immediately falling back into old habits and casting her lot in with Prime, I see her actions from the end of Season 4 onwards as more ambivalent. She seems to be kind of...going through the motions. She doesn’t have any of the drive or passion in her plotting that she once did, she seems to be maneuvering into Prime’s good graces out of habit. At best she’s back in the survival mode of early season 1, but without the ambition and desire to prove herself that motivated her. Some interpretations put a lot of stock in Prime being someone that can’t be bargained with or appeased, but...I don’t buy it. I take him, to an extent, at his word when he says that he was ‘exalt’ Catra (I am sure it is something awful). Catra actually gets what she wants halfway through “Corridors.” Only it’s not what she wants. She’s done jockeying for advantage, especially in a world where she truly would be alone because all she has is this psychopathic narcissist and his clones for company. She wants connection. She wants to do what is right. She’s suppressed all her humanity (felinitity? Anyway) for years and it’s made her miserable, and now she’s ready to embrace it. At the same time she confronts her own culpability, seeing just how much harm she’s done and admitting it for the first time. Her first lifeline is Glimmer, the only person she can actually talk to, the only other Etherian, the woman whose mother she doomed and who has nearly killed her three times. But Glimmer is also going through her own dark night of the soul - Glimmer and Catra’s character arcs were converging at the same time that Catra’s and Adoras and Glimmer’s and Adora’s were diverging. And they come together on either side of that forcefield, just talking and being people in an environment that is designed to be as dehumanizing as possible. Even this barest lifeline is enough for Catra to hold on to for dear life, and enough to inspire her to not just feel bad about the bad things she’s done, but do something good.

But the first way she does this is a cop out. Her plan, like Shadow Weaver’s in the finale, is to sacrifice/kill herself doing ‘one good thing.’ That way she doesn’t have to figure out how to live with the consequences of her actions, face the possible rejection of the people she loves whom she’s wronged, and do the hard work of building herself back up as a better person. She gets to die a hero rather than live as a villain. That said, unlike Shadow Weaver she does at least get off one apology, and it makes all the difference.

Then Adora fucks Catra’s sacrifice up, in glorious, space operatic, gay AF pulp fiction fashion, by saving the cat. Catra is mind controlled or unconscious for most of this episode, but what she does do is so crucial. When Adora comes for her, she reaches out to her, as soon as she is able. She doesn’t push her away, she takes Adora’s help, and her love, and Adora does the rest in badass fashion. The next few episodes plus the so perfect its canon Don’t Go are my favorite part of Catra’s entire arc.

She nearly falls back into her old habits, at least partly. Now that she has to live with what she’s done rather than just dying for it she just wants to run away again. But when she has to choose between losing Adora all over again and confronting herself and her past, she chooses Adora, and asks her to stay.

Catra then spends the rest of Season 5 slowly easing herself into the very human world of the Princess Alliance - the comaradery, the dedication to others and a cause, the goofiness. I’m going to talk a lot more about her relationship with Adora in my Catradora post, but I do want to highlight three moments.

The first is Catra running away again. This is actually a big change from what she’s done before - she’s not leaving because she’s angry, or bitter, or spiteful, she’s leaving because she doesn’t want to see the woman she loves sacrifice herself yet again (maybe this time for good) after being manipulated by the woman who had abused them both. But then she comes back. And then she confronts her abuser in a way that she has never done before - for the first time in the series, she not only calls Shadow Weaver out but calls her to do the right thing, and doesn’t give up until she does (this is after Adora also calls SW out and cuts her off forever, meaning that her two charges have finally called her on her bullshit and chosen each other over her, more in my Shadow Weaver Rant...and I guess my Catradora rant).

Then, at the end, Catra both stays with Adora through her potentially fatal harnessing of the Heart of Etheria and then her comes in and rescues her by challenging her to do something for Catra and for herself. Not to be with Catra, or to kiss her, or love her, but just stay for her. Needless to say, Adora responds far more enthusiastically than Catra had dared hope. (more on this in my Catradora rant).

Catra starts the show convinced she doesn’t need anyone except Adora, and she’s willing to even push Adora away if she can’t have Adora on her own terms. She goes down that path - ambition, manipulation, treachery, cruelty and isolation - until she has nothing left. She then slowly, painfully, turns around and reaches out and begins to heal the pain in Etheria and the universe rather than causing more. This is a psychological journey in many ways, but even more than that it is a profoundly moral one. It is a story of her accepting responsibility for her actions, facing reality, reaching out to others and making amends. It is in every sense a redemption. And while it works perfectly with Adora’s own development into her own, fuller, happier, healthier person, it works not because of Adora or the power of love, but because of Catra herself. Adora’s companionship, Adora’s rescuing of her and holding her to account, all of these are necessary for Catra to change for the better. But in the end it is Catra herself who chooses the right path, maybe for the first time in her life. And that’s what makes the romance work in turn - Catra is motivated to change not simply by a desire to impress her girlfriend or by Adora’s shining goodness (to the contrary, Adora’s a healthier and less self-sacrificing person at least in the finale...she comes around later than Catra) but by her desire to be true to herself and seek out what she really needs and wants - which is love, and connection, and to do good rather than evil. It’s a gorgeous story that takes an antihero all the way down to hell and then back again, and this makes it a truly unique redemption arc in all of kids TV - not just because of how far Catra falls, but how far she travels overall.

*(I know a lot of fanficcers talk about there being a lot of Horde Soldiers left but like...in the show...they’re nearly all dead, guys. Glimmer and company...okay mostly Mermista... just about killed them all in an afternoon. The cadet Triad survives because they deserted and weren’t there to get drowned/frozen/suffocated by plants when the grand invasion of Brightmoon went sideways)

**Okay, once she was only an accessory to Shadow Weaver’s attempted murder of Catra, the other time she leaves Catra for dead in ‘Pulse’

***I stan PB so hard guys. So hard. Machiavellian genius, mad scientist, god figure, possible Nietzschean Ubermensch? She’s so great. So great.

[ifbrd]

Not Sugar-Coated, ToBecky Critique from a ToBecky Shipper

Let’s talk about Tobecky and it’s toxicity! And for once, let’s not hold back! I think what I’m gonna do for this post is focus on the dynamic they have in the show, mostly criticizing my own misogyny but calling out the fandom in general as well, as I’ve seen other’s do these same things. Later I will reblog it on the Word Up blog and continue my thoughts on the ship and how it affected Word Up.

The first thing I will say is that I am a Tobecky shipper, ever since Tobey’s first shorts when it was revealed he had a crush on WordGirl. I started watching this show as a kid, I would have been 9 or 10 when it started airing on PBS. If I were to get into this show today, however, I don’t think I would be shipping tobecky, because as an adult I can recognize its toxicity which I didn’t have the proper knowledge or understanding to do back in the day. And I think the real reason I still ship today is purely nostalgic. Though I won’t deny that their dynamic is interesting and that likely affects my shipping brain too.

As a kid, I think I shipped it because, well it seemed inevitable. It seemed like the only endgame option. How many romcoms start with a girl liking one boy, only to realize later she should be with a different guy, usually an underdog the audience is supposed to root for. How many romance stories start with the two not liking each other, ranging anywhere from minor annoyances for each other to full-blown enemies, only to later understand it was all a guise to hide their true feelings. It seemed obvious that Becky/WordGirl would end up with not Scoops, whom she had a crush on, but instead Tobey, the underdog she always was fighting or arguing with. Factor in Tobey’s crush, my very underdeveloped ability to think critically, and the fact that the writers in early seasons seemed to really take the time to focus on the potential chemistry between these two (their interactions in “Department Store Tobey” and both of them having a good time together in “Have You Seen the Remote?” etc) and it seemed there was only one boy for Becky to logically end up with.

The first time I can recall really questioning this ship, I mean really questioning it, was sometime in probably my sophomore or freshman year? Maybe my junior year? I recall my health teacher teaching us about healthy vs unhealthy relationships. In this unit, I realized several of my favorite ships across various fandoms were unhealthy but that’s a whole other topic. At one point I remember him giving his two cents about the phrase “opposites attract” when being applied to romance. He said this can be true, but only if the two are “opposites” in personality, and not “opposites” in values. If a couple’s values, their morals, don’t align, they probably aren’t going to make it. And in all honesty, I think Tobey and Becky have the worst possible combination for this.

They have very similar personalities, and while this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it can make it easier for them to encourage their negative traits instead of helping them overcome them. The traits they both share like pridefulness, attention-seeking, and being a bit obsessive, have the potential to be the traits they bring out in each other. The best counter-argument for this is the fact that Becky is willing to and would call Tobey out for everything wrong or ridiculous he does, and try to help him. But that doesn’t matter if Tobey is not willing to listen to her when she calls him out, or accept her help when she offers it and he needs it. And it’s especially worthless if he’s not willing to help her back.

Meanwhile, the biggest weakness for this ship is their opposite values. Their morals couldn’t be more apart from each other. Get these two together for long periods of time and a morality war would easily ensue. And then combined with if their similar personalities do end up bringing the worst in each other, then any relationship they could have would be disastrous.

The worst issues with their pairing all go back to Tobey. I love Tobey as a character, don’t get me wrong, but we need to be honest, and please excuse the language--Tobey is a piece of shit! He is disrespectful to everyone around him, except his mother, and that’s only because he’s scared of her He thinks he’s better than everyone else and has no issues expressing that opinion, even going as far as to try to define words for WordGirl. He goes as far as to belittle her in “Tobey or Consequences” criticizing her word choice. He has been shown on multiple occasions to lose his mind when he doesn’t get exactly what he wants and will do anything to get it, without regard for others’ property, feelings or safety. He’s manipulative as seen in “Tobey Goes Good” and “Have You Seen the Remote.” He’s unwilling to take responsibility for his actions, as demonstrated when he attacks the candy factory for making candy because he got a cavity, instead of realizing that he should have taken better care of his teeth.

And worst of all, despite what he and the audience often believe, he clearly doesn’t give a single shit about WordGirl. If he cared about her he would have acknowledged her disinterest, if he cared about her, he wouldn’t have tried to force Becky into admitting she’s WordGirl in “By Jove, You’ve Wrecked My Robot.” If he cared about her, he wouldn’t have pretended to be good or trick her into spending time with him or forced her to read poems about him. In the Halloween special he thought Violet was WordGirl just because she was wearing a WordGirl costume, failing to acknowledge that Violet is blonde and white and WordGirl is clearly not.

The episode “WordBot” makes it very clear what kind of relationship Tobey wants from WordGirl--and it’s not a relationship. It’s a dynamic where she simply showers him with never-ending adoration and does whatever he wants. Tobey cares about one person and one person only and it’s not WordGirl, it’s himself.

And I’m not even counting “Go Gadget Go” in any of this! That episode put him in such a bad light that most fans pretend it doesn’t exist because his behavior is so inexcusable. And yet even without that episode, we have plenty of toxicity coming from Tobey’s end.

I once saw someone say they hate the tobecky ship because the argument for it often is that Becky will be willing to put up with Tobey when they’re older. First of all, if that’s your argument in tobecky’s favor you need to go take a good hard look at yourself. Becky putting up with Tobey’s messed up behavior is essentially hoping she ends up in a horrible, toxic, unhealthy, relationship that would be borderline abusive if she didn’t stand against him. Secondly, while I don’t deny the existence of this argument, (I once read a fanfic where the two were married but still a hero and villain who battled regularly) I disagree with the idea that this argument is most often used to justify the ship. Instead, the most common argument to justify it is the idea that Tobey has it in him to change. This is certainly a better argument, as Tobey changing is really the only hope for this ship.

But I think it’s really easy for us, myself included, to struggle with the line between finding evidence that Tobey could change vs excusing his actions; the line between finding an explanation for his behavior vs finding an excuse for him. It’s a very easy line to accidentally cross without realizing it. And it really says something when, as discussed in another post, we are not giving other villains like Victoria--who have more of an “excuse” --the same treatment. It’s incredibly misogynistic.

I’m not going to try to argue that Tobey doesn’t have the capability to be good, of course, he does. We can see this in the cute note he leaves in Becky’s backpack in “Trustworthy Tobey” and in the very last moments in the Thanksgiving special, and of course in our favorite example, “It’s Your Party and I’ll Cry if I Want to.” I’m also not saying that Tobey’s actions and psychology aren’t the product of the environment and circumstances he faces daily. Of course having no father figure present, a single mother who is always working, and no friends is going to affect a child. What I want to question is when is Tobey responsible for his own life, choices, and actions? Maybe not now at age 10-11, but what about when he’s 13? 16? 18? 21? 40? Where do we draw that line? I also don’t want to discourage looking for the good in people and characters and thinking critically about how their past and psychology is affecting their actions. I want to encourage that in all characters, not just the boy who happens to have a crush.

And while it’s nice to speculate that Tobey will follow a better path in the future, not so much for tobecky as much as for the betterment of Tobey himself, we need to realize that it’s just speculation. We have no canon proof of where his story goes post-WordGirl. He has his moments of hope but overall this kid has a terrible track record. When it comes to others, Tobey makes terrible choices. And that’s exactly what “going good” will be--a choice--his choice.

I also want to take a moment to talk about something @fromtheplanethexagon said in this amazing post you should totally read because it’s great. They commented on how very few people when writing tobecky fanfics takes the time to explore her perspective of their feelings for each other. Where her feelings originate and why she would like him. This is something I am absolutely guilty of and will be paying attention to in the future. After reading that passage from their post I thought for a while why Becky would like Tobey, and I honestly struggled with it a bit, which shouldn’t be happening if I’m trying to write a healthy tobecky story. That’s all I’ll say on this for now because beyond this I would use Word Up as an example, so I’ll save that for later.

The older I get the more I realized how toxic this ship is. Heck, who knows what I’ll realize about it in the future when I’m even more mature. In the past I’ve tried to convince myself it’s okay I ship it because I never shipped Tobey with WordGirl, I shipped him with Becky. I know they are the same person, but Tobey doesn’t know that, and the dynamics between him and each of her egos are very different. The dynamic between Tobey and WordGirl reminds me of Gideon and Mabel from Gravity Falls. Meanwhile the one between Tobey and Becky reminds me more of the one between Jimmy and Cindy from The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron. That’s better right? Even if just a little bit? Well no, not really, because we all know darn well if Tobey fell for Becky instead of WordGirl he would treat Becky exactly the same as he treats WordGirl. He would ultimately have the same “WordBot esc” expectations. If anything he might try to treat her worse. With WordGirl there is a clear power balance, and while it’s still technically there with Becky, Tobey doesn’t know it’s still there and might try to use that to his advantage.

And to conclude I’d like to add to @fromtheplanethexagon above-mentioned post (here’s the link again, seriously, read it!). Regarding their final thoughts that it’s fine to explore the ship, and it’s fine to explore the unhealthy parts of the ship. But we need to be careful to not glorify the toxicity of the potential pairing.

[fullmetalscullyy]

the way it was - chapter 28

summary:  what if riza never went to war?  riza hawkeye has just married the man she loves. six months into their marriage, an unexpected surprise stops her from following roy to the military. a canon divergence au that explores what might have happened had riza been unable to join the military. there will be plenty of family fluff, angst, and royai.

rated: m | warnings: no archive warning apply

read on ao3

1914

never thought love never thought life

could take us far beyond what we believed

as long as i got your love next to me

better than i used to be

“So.” Rebecca threw herself into the chair, barely waiting for Riza to even sit down at the table in the back room of Chris’ bar. “What has been going on in Central, Riza?” Her voice was hushed as she leaned forward eagerly in her chair.

Rebecca’s urgency had startled poor Sheska before Riza could even greet her with a hello. Eyes owlish but full of concern, Riza paused as she turned to greet their friend.

“I’ll tell you all that I know, but it’s not much,” Riza replied. “But first,” she added, turning to face Sheska, “hi.”

“Hello,” Sheska nodded. A timid smile overtook her concern, but the crease in between her eyebrows quickly returned. “What’s going on?” Nerves had settled in Sheska, making her shift in her chair and also tip forward to hear what Riza was going to share.

Poor woman. Riza felt for her. When she’d called and invited Sheska out it really was to spend some time together of an evening, but now she would be dragged into this whole thing. That’s not what Riza wanted for her.

Resigning herself, Riza let out a sigh. “I really don’t think here’s the best place at the moment –”

As if on cue, someone approached from behind Rebecca. The woman’s expression changed as she walked, moving from neutral to breaking out into a bright grin as soon as she made eye contact. Given Riza’s current circumstances after her talk with Fuhrer Bradley, she was instantly on guard.

“Riza Mustang?”

“Yes?” Riza eyed the woman up and down. She appeared to be innocent enough. Her brown hair fell just past her shoulders, sitting in a side parting. Hair was curled behind one ear, the other side falling forward as she smiled kindly down at Riza in her chair.

“Hi, my name is Irene. My husband is Lieutenant Colonel Andrews.”

Irene spoke as if this would answer all of Riza’s questions, but it created more. Remaining wary, she eyed the woman as Rebecca and Sheska did the same, although the latter did it rather shyly, her head angled to look down towards the table before them.

“Sorry to interrupt your evening with your friends.” Irene continued to smile at the other two women, noticing the suspicion on their faces. “I just wanted to pass on my congratulations to you and your husband. A new addition to the family is always something wonderful to celebrate, and my husband and I wanted to pass on our regards to you both.”

Irene held out an envelope for Riza to take, which she did. Eyeing the paper and weighing it by touch alone, it felt like there was a card held within. Giving it a gentle squeeze to test, whatever was inside was tough but not indestructible to break. It bent gently underneath the pressure. Remaining wary, Riza schooled her expression so that it appeared as neutral and grateful as possible while accepting it.

“That’s very kind of you both, thank you,” Riza replied.

“We’ll be thinking of you both during this time,” Irene added, meeting Riza’s eyes straight on. For whatever reason, something held Riza there. Irene’s eyes widened pointedly, as she gave a tiny nod of her head. “Let us know if there’s anything we can do,” she grinned, that look in her eyes gone. Without another word, she turned and left.

“What was that all about?”

Riza placed the card down on the table, giving it one gentle pat before retracting her hand, hiding it underneath the table. They both joined, her fingers wringing together with uncertainty. “I honestly don’t know.” She was just as baffled as Rebecca.

“That was nice of her, though,” Sheska added, trying to see the best in the unexpected interaction.

Another woman approached, the same as Irene did, offering the same message and sentiment. This time it was a woman named Rose, whose husband was Sergeant Cairn, recently transferred from East City. Angela followed after her. She was an older woman, the wife of Major Cole. These names all meant nothing to Riza, however they may to Roy. These women, all coming forward with the same meaningful look in their eyes, obviously all meant something, but Riza didn’t want to open up the cards in public. There was no telling what would be inside. They were inconspicuous enough, just like a normal greeting card, but Riza couldn’t help but wonder.  Perhaps… If she could slip behind the bar for a few minutes…

“I’ll be right back.”

She’d been lost in thought and had unintentionally interrupted Rebecca and Sheska’s conversation. They both looked surprised at the sudden disruption, watching as Riza subtly swiped the cards into her purse.

“Is everything all right?” Rebecca's eyes were searching Riza’s, trying to get a read on her mood. Admittedly, she’d been out of it that evening as she mulled over each woman’s message, trying to make sense of it all. It was bothering her so much that she was going to leave her friends to find out.

“Perfect,” Riza smiled as best she could. “Just need to use the bathroom.”

It wasn’t a lie, Riza thought as she left the two of them at the table. A quick detour on her route would allow her to open those envelopes in peace and find out what they contained.

“Is everything all right?”

Riza was startled by the sudden appearance of Roxanne. Her green eyes were scrutinising Riza carefully, unwilling to back down. Tonight, Roxanne’s hair was tied back into a high ponytail, the long brown locks looking luscious and healthy in the lights of the bar. It swished from side to side eagerly whenever she walked, catching the attention of all she passed by. Calming her heart rate, Riza scolded herself for being so absent from her surroundings.

“Yeah. I’m fine.”

Roxanne’s eyes narrowed.

“Really, I am.” Riza lifted the three envelopes in her hands. “I was handed these tonight. It’s been bothering me that I don’t know what’s inside. Would you mind if I go inside the house to open them?” Riza nodded at the ‘staff only’ door.

Roxanne broke out into a smile and tutted, rolling her eyes fondly. “As if you have to ask. Of course you can! Come on,” she ushered, opening the staff door for Riza.

She was guided inside, entering a hallway that Riza knew well. Just ahead, to her left would be the living area where they spent most of their time when visiting Chris. Taking a seat, Riza let out a breath and balanced the envelopes on her lap. There would be nothing held within the pastel pink, white, and blue paper that would attack her, but why did she experience such a foreboding feeling? Perhaps it was just the unknown. Giving herself a shake, Riza tore open the seal of the one on top, from Irene.

Riza blinked.

Inside was a ‘congratulations on the birth of your child!’ card, but a note slid out from between the stiff paper, removing Riza’s attention from the well wishes.

Weston arrived at the store today, was the first neatly written sentence on the page. Esther is not the fondest of him but puts up with his appearances for Susan’s sake. Ursula likes him though, along with Poppy and Preston. The twins have been fighting over his affection, much to Oliver’s dismay. The poor boy is so crestfallen at their diverted effort but won’t give up the fight. The same can be said for Rosalie. She feels the same way towards the dear boy, but Thomas has been diverting her attention as of recent. We think she may be susceptible to his charms. As for Yuri, he’s still focussed on furthering Oliver’s studies, much to his chagrin, but Ursula is good at pushing him towards where his attentions should lie, and away from such frivolous things.

“What?” Riza muttered is aloud, wondering why this would note would be included in a congratulations card –

Suddenly, Roy’s game popped into her head. In Riza’s mind, memories of ‘I love you’ stories, littered about their home, overwhelmed her. This was a message. This story was a message to her and Roy.

Dropping the thoughtful card, Riza picked out the names quickly and read the coded message.

We support you.

Peeling open the second envelope, and the third, Riza found a similar sentiment in each. Relief tugged her lips into a smile, and she sat back against the cushions of the couch.

“Everything all right?” Chris appeared from out of nowhere, almost startling Riza.

She turned quickly, nodding to her mother-in-law. “Yes. Everything’s fine.”

“What’s that?” An eyebrow raised, looking down on the cards sitting in a pile haphazardly on her coffee table.

“Messages of support…” Riza turned back to eye them. “For Roy, from other soldiers stationed in Central Command. Their partners handed them over to me tonight.” Lifting the congratulatory cards, Riza waved them gently. “Along with these.”

She had been so focussed on the coded stories that she didn’t properly look within the cards. A note fluttered free from the confines of the stiff card, floating onto Riza’s lap. Squinting at it, she lifted it delicately into her hands.

“Along with a gift too, it seems,” Chris chuckled.

“It’s money.” Riza blinked at it, dumbfounded that those women would gift her and Roy with money on the birth of their new-born child.

Chris shrugged. “People do that. It saves them having to worry about buying a physical gift,” she added. “Then you can go out and buy what you need for the kid yourselves.”

Riza was left to stare at the five hundred cenz note in silence as Chris wandered away.

Well, it was an immense relief that despite the sudden relocation of his team, Roy still had people behind him who were willing to support and lend their aid. Riza’s fears of his future were appeased for the moment, knowing there were others out there who looked up to him and were willing to fight Bradley as well.

Pocketing the envelopes in her purse, Riza stood and slipped back out the staff door to the bar. Passing the bar itself, she ordered another water and waited for it before returning to their table.

“You were away a while,” Rebecca commented upon her return, her voice low. “What was in them?”

Glancing up, Riza saw Rebecca frowning, instantly on guard to whatever the envelopes contained within.

Placating her worry, Riza shook her head and gave her old friend a reassuring smile. “Just some well wishes and support.”

*      *      *

“Wait.”

Roy sat up straight in bed, a thoughtful look overtaking his face. He motioned for the envelopes Riza had already opened. She’d already explained what was held within – the cards, the monetary gift, and the coded message to him.

“What?”

“Can I see them for a second?”

Wordlessly, Riza leaned over to her bedside table to pick them up before passing them to her husband.

Roy removed the card, ignoring the paper that held the message, and shook it, letting the note float onto his lap.

“Kids get us money too?” He picked up the note. “Oh damn,” he muttered, “we need to have more kids.”

Riza hit the back of her hand off his elbow gently.

“I’m kidding!” He didn’t sound like it. Roy was eyeing the note with a curious but excited look.

“We’re not exploiting our children for money.”

“… What if I took them to the office?”

Riza’s frown deepened.

“Y’know, everyone is aware I’m a family man,” Roy continued, “it would be nice to show off the kid.”

“To get money from your colleagues?” Riza’s eyebrows shot up towards her hairline, daring him to confirm that was the real reason behind his plan.

“I mean,” he scoffed, “that’s what people do, right? When someone has a baby? Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to –”

Riza hit the back of her hand off his forearm this time, but slightly harder. It caused his arm to falter slightly, the joint giving way as the limb tried to distance itself from her hand.

“Hey!”

“That’s what you get for thinking of exploiting our kids,” Riza snapped back.

“I was just making an observation!” Roy exclaimed. “That is what people do when kids are born. You wouldn’t believe the amount of kids I’ve had to shell out for over the years,” he grumbled to himself. “About damn time it was my turn.”

Riza scoffed, lifting her eyes to the ceiling as she rolled over in place, pulling the sheet over her shoulder and making herself comfortable.

“I’m kidding, Dear,” Roy crooned into her ear as his arm wrapped around her stomach.

“Sure you are,” she replied, not believing him for a second.

“It would be a benefit though, right? You have to admit that.”

“It doesn’t matter,” she barked.

“I’m joking!” The hand that had been around her stomach shifted, moving away and into the air in a show of surrender. “Sorry I mentioned it.” Roy rolled away from her, settling into the bed with a sigh.

The room was silent for short bout as Riza continued to frown at his insinuation. Ire was festering in her chest, causing a light burn. They would not use their kids to get money from strangers. Even if it was a traditional gift, it made her uncomfortable and she wanted no part in it.

“Sorry.”

His apology was soft and quiet, filling the room. It smoothed out her frown and put out that spark in her chest. It fizzled low, turning to an ember before leaving her completely. Her shoulders relaxed, peeling down from her ears as a deep breath left her lungs. That breath calmed her, giving her time to think.

Riza rolled back over, seeing Roy on his back, staring up at the ceiling. His lips were pursed and off centre, a sign he was chewing something over in his mind.

“Sorry I snapped.”

Dark eyes met her own. The crease in between his eyebrows slowly disappeared, the skin of his forehead smoothing out.

“Sorry I upset you,” he replied. “I won’t bring it up again.”

Riza huffed quietly. “I don’t mind jokes. I don’t know what came over me.”

“It sounds like it was a mood swing.”

Her irritation spiked again. Opening her mouth to reply, offended at his accusation, Riza stopped herself. His eyes had widened in realisation that he’d set her off again. There was a fear in them too which stilled her tongue. Riza’s mouth promptly closed, accepting her hormonal reaction.

“I guess it was, yeah,” she agreed sheepishly. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologise,” Roy replied simply. He rolled over to face her, brushing her fringe from her face and curling a strand of hair behind her ear. “I opened my mouth without thinking. Again. And I’m sorry I brought it up. I was just joking, though.”

“I know you were.” Her head turned, pressing a gentle kiss against the wrist that was resting by her face. Roy had cupped her face with his hand, his touch warm and gentle, as well as comforting.

“Did the mood swings happen a lot with Mia?”

“I don’t think so.” Riza cast her mind back, trying to remember. It didn’t feel like it. But then perhaps it was biased to ask her. “I don’t remember.”

“I’ll keep it in mind.”

“I don’t want to feel like I’m going to snap at you every two seconds though,” Riza frowned, but at herself. That behaviour wouldn’t do at all.

Roy shrugged. “We’ll work through it. It won’t be the first mood swing in the family and it won’t be the last. In a few years, Mia will be all over that,” he grinned.

Her head bowed in defeat. “I hope we don’t end up with a moody teenager.”

“I do too,” Roy chuckled. “But, like I said, we’ll get through it. Be as understanding with her as we can and give her the space she needs.”

“It sounds like you’ve been through this before,” Riza commented wryly.

“I grew up with so many sisters, remember? I learned my lesson after the first shoe was thrown at my head,” he winked.

Riza gasped. “Who?”

“Roxanne,” Roy laughed. “I was bugging her too much and she’d had enough.”

“You were a little shit as a teen, so I can totally see it.”

Roy’s mouth popped open in shock. “Riza Mustang!” he exclaimed.

“What?” she giggled.

“I was not,” he scoffed, scandalised.

“You’re remembering differently.”

“No, I think it’s you that’s remembering it differently, Ma’am,” he accused, poking her shoulder gently.

“Don’t poke me,” she pouted, poking him back.

“What are you going to do about it, huh?” His provoke came with a wide grin, reaching right up to his eyes and causing the corners to crinkle.

It reminded Riza so much of the boy she grew up with and the innocent young man she’d fallen in love with. It came out in rare moments, but it was heart-warming to see. Underneath the lines and scars life had left him with, Roy was still Roy, and he loved her completely, just like she did him.

“Why don’t you tell me what I can do about it, Colonel?”

Roy hummed, shuffling over to her side and rolling Riza onto her back as he kissed her forcefully. Propped up on an elbow, his free hand moved to cup her chin, holding Riza in place as they broke apart and Roy stared down at her with so much love in his eyes, it felt like she may cry.

“I love you, Riza,” he smiled fondly, a hint of his mischief still remaining, dancing playfully in his eyes.

Bending his head, Roy pecked her lips once, then her nose, then her forehead. His freehand moved from her chin to rest upon her stomach. The ends of two of his fingers were resting on her bare skin, making Riza gasp quietly. Slowly, as his head bent to claim her lips once more, Roy’s hand moved and slipped underneath her pyjama top, his touch hot as his thumb caressed her skin lovingly.

“Love you too, Roy,” Riza breathed, eyes fluttering closed as his touch relaxed her immediately.

Then suddenly, a massive yawn overtook Riza. It was loud, making her eyes water, the moisture bunching at the corners.

Roy just laughed. “Looks like someone is tired,” he murmured.

She almost snapped at him again for moving his hand, but a wave of fatigue overcame Riza before she had the chance.

“Sleep, love.” A kiss was pressed to her forehead again, making Riza melt at his touch. Roy cuddled into her side after turning off the lights. His face was buried in her hair, his lips resting just above her ear.

“Love you,” she mumbled tiredly.

“Love you too,” he laughed quietly, returning his hand to her pregnant stomach once more, this time, above her pyjama top. It was the warmest, most comfortable, and most relaxed Riza had felt in a long time.

[zazujoy]

Darryl finally talked to his kid! I have a whole lot of thoughts about it so here’s what’s basically a line-by-line analysis of that episode 37 conversation.

Darryl: hey uh, Grant kiddo, you wanna tell me what happened last night?

Grant: uhh . . . yeah, I hung out with Yeet, and uh . . . yeah, no it just didn’t- it wasn’t-- he’s not . . . not for me. I’m good, it’s uh-we’re fine.

Darryl: I’m sorry kid.

Grant: Yeah, no, it’s good. I’m fine. How are you? Are you-There’s a lot going on with your dad, you-your whole thing, and Paeden . . . how are you?

Darryl: Yeah, I mean, you can tell there’s a lot going on there. Look, I mean we can- I’ll tell you what you want if you really wanna hear something from me, but you know, I’m here for you, and I wanna-- you know, it’s been wild and there’s been a lot going on, and I’ll just say that personally I feel like I’ve seen a change since that Fortnite since you went into that . . . I don’t know what you call it, but that big bird thing, it was pretty wild--

Okay, first thing I want to call attention to because it becomes important again later: Darryl calling Grant “kid/kiddo.” I’m struggling to properly express what I find significant about this, but while it’s a minor thing, I do think it’s important. It’s something that sort of subtly calls attention to the . . . power imbalance?? Between them--not an imbalance in a weird creepy way, but it emphasizes that it’s important to Darryl that he treat Grant as his son, not as his peer.

Along with that, I think the use of kid/kiddo somehow adds a bit of emotional distance, even though it’s a term of endearment. Darryl’s desire to protect Grant is extremely important to him, and I think interacting with him in this way is a subconscious expression of that desire/an indication that Darryl is, to a lesser extent, trying to connect with a younger version of Grant than the kid in front of him. Darryl trying to shield Grant from things he deems him “too young for”  is born out of a good and healthy desire to protect him and set good boundaries, but it also gives him an excuse to not be as emotionally vulnerable as he needs to be at times. 

Which brings me to my next point: I really like the way Darryl directs the conversation back towards Grant here. I think a lot of people interpreted this as Darryl once again being unwilling to express his own emotions or be vulnerable, and that definitely plays into it, but more than that I think it comes from that same protective instinct. Grant isn’t responsible for Darryl’s emotions or well-being in the same way that Darryl is responsible for Grant’s, and while Darryl’s parenting is definitely very flawed, that’s one thing I think he’s done a great job of recognizing and remembering. Establishing from the start that he’s here for Grant and avoiding making it about himself reflects that. 

Darryl:Yeah, you know, I only thought of that because I went hunting with my dad and I shot an animal and I know that was, you know, it was a little tough, it was mostly just really the first experience I really had with death. But yeah, you haven’t been the same since then, and it’s been tough that we haven’t had the time to talk, and we’ve got the time right now, and I just want to know what’s going on with you. 

Anthony: When you said “oh it was a little hard,” and you play off the hunting incident, he kinda looks away with an air of irritation.

Grant: No, I--it’s uh--yeah, it was a little hard, it was--

Okay so you know how I just said that Darryl trying to protect Grant and not make his emotions Grant’s responsibility was a good and important thing? I was right but this is the moment in the conversation that we start to see the negative effects of the way he’s been handling everything (not that this is the first time we’ve seen that; it’s been evident in basically every WIlson family interaction throughout the podcast, but in the context of this particular conversation, this is the point where my opinion shifts from “this is a good and responsible thing to do” to “Darryl you need to express some level of vulnerability to your kid because not doing so actively harms him.”) 

I also think that here, Darryl’s fear of expressing his own emotions plays a role moreso than in the previous lines where he turned the conversation back to Grant. In that earlier line, it was more about protecting Grant, whereas now it’s both that and his own issues with vulnerability. These two things are absolutely interconnected, though--it’s not that “I can’t express emotions because I need to be a strong leader” and “I can’t express emotions because I want to protect my son and keep that from becoming his responsibility” are separate motivations so much as a chain of cause and effect: “Keeping my emotions to myself lets me be a leader and be strong get us through this, and if I want to be a good dad and protect my kid I need to be strong.” Of course, this thinking doesn’t take into account that

 a. Repression does not equate to strength 

b. Grant needs more than protection; he has a whole host of emotional needs outside of just that, and he needs Darryl to make an effort to make that kind of emotional connection

c. Darryl downplaying his own pain makes it harder for Grant to feel safe and comfortable expressing what’s going on with him. Like, we hear him directly repeat that “it was a little hard” bit and try to shrug off what happened, and throughout the conversation he continues to downplay it a lot. 

Again, “I shouldn’t make my kid responsible for my emotions” is a good and healthy standpoint, but it’s also tied to a lot of Darryl’s personal issues that he needs to address, and feeds into some of the less healthy aspects of his parenting. 

Darryl: well hey kid, look, when I was saying that I wasn’t trying to compare--my point was I was trying to say that I think if I went through what you did, I don’t know how I would have been. I would have wanted to talk to my dad about it, ‘cause my dad was there for me when I shot, you know, my first animal, and maybe it’s just--all things considered, it was a learning experience for me, and I can’t quite remember exactly what it was like back then, but you know, it was hard, but I think it was a little hard because I got to talk to my dad about it. So, you know, I want you to know that you can talk to me and I want to hear what happened.

Grant: what does hard look like to you, even? What does that mean? I saw you vomit and shit and I saw you learn that your dad is--all this . . . and it just doesn’t-- it seems like water off a . . . I don’t even know. I don’t know what I’m saying.

What I love about the way Anthony plays Grant is just, in general, the way he expresses feelings and concepts, especially as it relates to his depression. Anthony’s able to capture and express both what it’s like to feel that way and what it’s like to verbally fumble around trying to find the right words to express it. Grant, at 12, doesn’t have the same vocabulary/experience/point of reference with which to verbalize his depression that the players and audience do, and that’s played well while still clearly getting the emotional point across

This line is a great example of this. He stumbles around with the “water off a duck” thing at the end, but he hits on a question that’s key to this whole conversation and this whole relationship: “what does hard look like to you?” And another thing I like about that is that it’s been set up well; Grant asking this is in line with what’s happened previously in the podcast: Darryl brushing things off during For Knights, during the Paeden reveal, just now talking about killing an animal for the first time, etc; and Grant telling Yeet how everything seems to come so easily to Darryl. It’s an issue that’s been building up, and addressing it here, in this way, works really well narratively. 

Darryl: Look, what’s hard for me? I mean, this is hard, but I’m . . . you don’t have to judge what you’re feeling based off of how I’m feeling. When you grow older, things are different, you know, and I might feel things a little less than I used to, cause of, you know just things that have happened in my life. And I don’t think--just because you’ve seen me act a certain way doesn’t mean that that’s the correct way to act. And this has definitely been hard, and I wish that … if there’s people around, or if your mom was here, I would talk to her. But I’m honestly just trying to get us through all of this, and get us back safe. So I don’t want you to be looking at me to think like that’s the way . . . don’t worry about how I’m feeling in terms of knowing how you’re feeling. That’s why I’m here to talk to you about it. 

“You don’t have to judge what you’re feeling based off of how I’m feeling” is, in my opinion, the most important thing Darryl says in this whole conversation. I don’t actually have a lot more to say about that because I think Darryl/Matt expressed it really well, but yeah. Super important, and one of the few things I think Darryl got 100% right. Not that it’s the only good or right thing he said, but a lot of the other good things he says get mixed in with slightly more questionable ideas (I’ll get into that later), but this? It’s just good. Mr. Wilson sir, I’m proud. 

Grant: yeah, no, I get it.

Darryl: Tell you what, Grant, I’m not gonna force you to talk to me. I trust you, and you’re obviously dealing with a lot, and I know I can’t push you, but I am worried that maybe I’m not doing this the right way for you to feel open. So I’ll tell you what: anything you want to ask me, I’ll tell you honestly, I will tell you the truth, because I’m always gonna tell you the truth. And when I’m not telling you things, I’m not trying to lie and I’m not even trying to avoid it, I’m just trying to do what I think is best. And trying to protect you from certain things right now. But maybe that’s just not doing it, and my dad always talked to me, so . . . if there’s anything holding you back, you know, ask me and I’ll tell you anything. 

Hell yeah, fuck yeah, this is what I’m here for. One of the biggest themes of the podcast is that all four of the dads have major flaws in their approaches to parenthood, and during this adventure they need to come to acknowledge and address that. I said a few weeks ago that Ron was the only one who had really done that so far, but I’m happy to say I’m officially including Darryl in that club now. Throughout the podcast, we’ve seen him address pretty much every situation the exact same way: he wants to be strong, to be a team leader, to push forward and get through this. 

Acknowledging that this approach isn’t working here is a huge step forward for Darryl, and it’s so important that he was able to recognize that and adjust accordingly, rather than simply pushing forward as he’s done in the past. 

Also! I brought up the kid/kiddo thing earlier and it’s relevant again here, because this is the first point in the conversation that Darryl just calls him “Grant” without throwing “kid” in at the end, and I like the way that that tiny detail emphasizes the shift in the conversation. Darryl doesn’t completely abandon his reticence, but he’s engaging with Grant more directly than he has been, rather than using that father/son dynamic as a way to put more distance between them. He’s acknowledging him as a whole, independent person (“I trust you”) and giving him the space to set whatever boundaries he needs. 

Grant: Okay. So, when I was talking to Yeet the other night, he said something that I wanted to ask you about. He said that he was feeling like uh . . . like he couldn’t feel anything? Like there was nothing. But when he was in certain situations, he would feel something. And it would make him be like “oh cool, I’m here” and that was kinda scary to him, and he didn’t . . . uh, he didn’t really feel like he could talk to anybody about it, because nobody else knew how it felt to feel that way. And I was like “yeah my dad definitely has never . . .” Like have you ever, has that ever . . . I don’t know, it’s stupid, you know what, forget it--

Darryl: no, I mean, to feel numb? Or that you can’t say anything to anybody?

Grant: Yeah, or like you’re not there. Like you were there, and now you’re . . . not. That’s like a thing that Yeet has. 

MR. BURCH I JUST WANT TO TALK

For real, the decision to have Grant present his depression as something Yeet is dealing with instead of directly talking about it is maybe my favorite character decision from this whole damn story. 

A major theme in Darryl and Grant’s relationship is the distance between them. We see Darryl putting distance between them with every “we’ll talk later,” and Grant mirroring this behavior by consistently shrugging Darryl off and, especially after the chimera incident, basically refusing to engage with him. 

In this instance, Grant filtering his depression through “my friend is dealing with this thing” is another way to establish distance, but in a much healthier way than before. It would be great for Darryl and Grant to have a relationship where he can talk openly and directly about it, and I hope we see them get to that point, but as of right now they’re not there. Grant knows that, and instead of pulling away completely like he’s done in the past, uses Yeet as a way to keep enough emotional distance that he feels safe. He stops treating it as a black-and-white issue (“if my dad understood this, I’d tell him about it, but he wouldn’t get it so I’m not going to try”) and instead does what he needs to in order to engage with his dad at their current level of trust/emotional intimacy. 

That element of “keeping a safe distance” is especially clear when you compare this section of the conversation to the conversation Grant had with Yeet. With Yeet, he was a lot more vulnerable and open, getting into more detail and letting himself break down a bit, whereas with his dad it’s clear he’s keeping some of his walls up. He’s summarizing his feelings/experience (while pretending it’s not his), not processing them or directly showing them. 

Obviously my experiences are not universal and not every story about a mentally ill teen needs to reflect my own life, but this particular thing is something that’s super familiar to me. I can remember the exact moment that I, at 14, realized my parents weren’t people I cried to anymore. When I did open up about stuff, my friends were the people I cried with and vented to, and (sometimes) my parents got a cliff’s notes version later of what was going on with me. 

Darryl: Yeah. I mean, I can’t speak to Yeet, but of course. I think that’s a thing that everybody . . . I mean look, one of the greatest regrets I have is that you never got to meet your grandpa. And I don’t know if you ever know exactly how . . . I mean, you’ve heard some stories about how your mom and your dad got together, but I . . . it was the reason your dad never graduated college. Like it was hard. When my dad died, I didn’t know how to handle it. He died--you know he had cancer, and he was slipping away, he had brain cancer, and I didn’t want to go to college. But he told me he was strong, he would make it, and when I was there freshman year, he went back to work. He wasn’t supposed to go back to work but I think he was just tired of being stuck inside, and he shouldn’t have been there. And he slipped, and he wasn’t ready, and he died. And I wasn’t there. And I told my mom I didn’t want to go to college. And yeah, I mean, I was shut down. I didn’t know how to feel for the longest time. And that’s . . . it’s normal. I think there’s a lot of things in life that happen to people that you don’t know how to feel. And I don’t know what’s happened to Yeet. This world is crazy, people are going into slavery when they’re young kids, so, God, I can’t even imagine what’s happened to Yeet. But--

Oof. Oof. Okay.

First off, props to Darryl for finally expressing an emotion! Talking about his dad’s death and the way it affected him and admitting that he didn’t know how to feel is a super important milestone for him.

I do take issue with “everyone feels like that sometimes” and “that’s normal” though. I know this wasn’t Darryl’s intention, but hearing things like that when I was a depressed young teen was the absolute worst thing, because to me it communicated “being sad all the time is normal, not wanting to exist is normal; everyone deals with this and I’m just handling it worse than they are.” I didn’t need people to tell me it was normal, I needed someone to acknowledge that something was wrong and that I needed and deserved help. Again, my experiences aren’t universal, but I’d wager Grant has similar needs in this case. 

All that said, I think this had more of a positive than negative effect for Grant. Even though Darryl stumbles a bit and hits on that “everyone deals with that” idea that I dislike, he also expresses that, at least to an extent, he can relate to what Grant is going through. Grant might leave this conversation thinking “this is normal and I should just get better at dealing with it,” but Darryl is also trying to tell him that he understands, that he’s a safe person to talk to, and that Grant isn’t alone, and I think those messages come through too, even if they’re not expressed perfectly. 

Grant: What made that go away? What did you . . . when did you stop feeling like that? 

Darryl: I mean, your mom. She-

Grant: oh.

Anthony: And he immediately starts crying. Not sobbing, but just like tears streaming down his face.

Matt: Tears start streaming down Darry’s face too and I go

Darryl: Yeah, it’s--she’s the best woman in the world, I mean, she knew, and honestly, sometimes I feel like you know, if I feel like I’m not good enough, I wonder if maybe she just stays stuck here, that she was . . . oh, I shouldn't say that, you’re too young for that. But your mom loves me very much and I love her very much. And yeah, she’s the reason I got through it. And you know, it’s never gone, which is why I don’t know what I should do. I don’t know if I should talk to my dad or . . . the fact that he could be here for some reason, but . . . look, kiddo, life’s never gonna get easier, life’s never easy, but as long as you’ve got people around you that love you, and I love you, you’ll get through it. And you’ve just got to hold onto the positive stuff. 

Grant: Thanks. Yeah, no I--I love you too.

Oof 2: Electric Boogaloo. 

Much like in the previous few lines, there’s a mixture of good and bad messages here, but in this case I think the more harmful ones come through more strongly than the good. 

“Life’s never easy, but as long as you’ve got people around you that love you, and I love you, you’ll get through it” is good! HOWEVER, Darryl essentially saying that Carol fixed all his problems is an issue for a couple of reasons. 

1. “Love cures depression” is just in general a really shitty idea to perpetuate, and it’s especially hard-hitting for Grant in the aftermath of getting rejected by his crush, who was one of the few people who made him feel anything. Plus, it pushes Grant back towards his perspective that his dad “got the thing that mattered the most to him early on in life.” Darryl made a lot of progress in showing Grant that he understands some of what he’s going through, but communicating that Carol made everything better and that love made those issues go away dampens that effect a bit. 

2. Darryl has a habit of idolizing the people he loves and looks up to, and we hear that especially every time he talks about his dad or Carol. He puts them on pedestals and that makes it a lot harder for him to realize they’re humans with flaws and problems of their own. 

Darryl: You wanna just cry for a little bit?

Thinking about this in contrast to Grant telling Yeet two episodes ago that he’s never seen his dad cry or be scared. I have no further comments. 

Darryl: Grant, are you hungry?

Grant: Yeah, no yeah I’m always  . . . I mean, I would eat.

I’m not the first person to mention this, but in previous episodes Grant has turned away food and said he’s not hungry, even after not being fed for a few days (that’s depression, babey!), so “I would eat” is SUCH a good, subtle indication that he’s doing a little better. 

Darryl: Hey Grant, I just want you to know, you don’t--it doesn’t have to be fixed right now. And I just want you to know, if you ever want to talk again and you just need me to be there, like . . . it’s not a one-time thing. 

This line is competing with “you don’t have to judge what you’re feeling based off of how I’m feeling” for the title of Most Important Thing Darryl said. It’s so so good that the characters and players know that this isn’t something that one conversation will fix, and that this is just one step in an ongoing process. This one conversation didn’t by any means fix Grant’s depression, but it was a huge step forward in terms of establishing a relationship between Grant and Darryl where he feels safe and supported talking about it.

[pr-ay-the-gay-away]

There's so much Brie Larson hate that it's crazy. I've not seen this much hate for a specific actress from so many people for a long time. I don't really know anything about her besides the fact that she's in the Marvel movies. I searched up her name on YouTube and almost all of the videos that came up were videos about how the cast hate her and that she's unlikeable and arrogant. I feel out of the loop. Apparently, she said something racist and sexist, but I don't know what? What did she do?

“Apparently, she said something racist and sexist, but I don’t know what? What did she do?”

The full on anti-Brie Larson hater-bandwagon campaign was in response to this speech.

“I searched up her name on YouTube and almost all of the videos that came up were videos about how the cast hate her and that she’s unlikeable and arrogant”

(Pro-tip: install a browser extension to block YouTube channels, and do that. No-one needs all of that vitriol in their life)

The reason you’re seeing a lot of these videos in the search results is because a lot of conservative couch-commentators are producing “analysis” videos in response to every bit of new media that has Brie in it. These couch-commentators are basically projecting their own prejudice against Brie onto every interaction or conversation that she’s involved in - they want to see everyone else around her hating her, because they want to feel validated in their own hatred.

It’s exactly like if you took a toxic delusional Camilizer and handed them a webcam and microphone - you’d get plenty of idiotic “analysis” videos of how the other girls in 5H “hated” Camila (or just reverse it so it’s some toxic delusional OT4 stan making the same content about how Camila was an epic bitch) LOLS.

We’ve seen this kind of bullshit before in the 5H fandom. The difference is that the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) has a much much much (much much much) larger reach.

Two key takeaways from me; one comforting, the other cautionary:

1) Comforting thought: unless you live in a deeply conservative, already kinda low-key racist and misogynistic area (sorry to you if you do) most of the general public/casual fans of the MCU aren’t massively hating on Brie at all. Remember that people are entitled to their opinions when it comes to creative content, and if they struggle to access Captain Marvel, that’s their own deal. But as long as they’re not personally attacking Brie and making it about the misconceived notions of what she’s like as a person off-screen, try to give those people a bit of a break, but also ask that they do the same for you - you are totally entitled to love Captain Marvel without having to qualify it to others, but likewise, they are not required to qualify their critique of the movie to you. If you’re both willing to share your respective opinions and critiques and perspectives, that’s pretty much a sign of a functioning healthy respectful relationship.

2) Now the cautionary: the vocal anti-Brie rage machines who scream “reverse-racism!” and “reverse-sexism!” (honestly FFS give me a fucking break LOLs) are very much in the minority. Unfortunately they are also very vocal. And their voices are amplified due to the reach and accessibility of digital media platforms. These angry talking heads have taken to social media for a reason. You know how regular people (probably much like yourself) are incredibly weary of what they share and express on social media because of the high likelihood of whatever being shared could be misinterpreted and thus create unintended discord and disagreements? Well that is exactly the reason why these types of vocal anti-Brie rage machines post inflammatory vitriolic rants online. Their whole intention is to invite responses and to incite disagreements. In their minds, being publicly disagreed with is validation that they are fighting some kind of righteous fight.

You will not tackle this problem by entering into an argument with someone who was trolling around looking to start one in the first place.

Stop commenting on these vitriolic angry rant videos with your logic and reason. You’re not going to change their stance, they’re just looking to fight with you. Stop sharing your retort to these videos within your own sheltered social spaces - you’re not changing anyone else’s mind within your own network, you’re just preaching to the choir - what you ARE doing is exposing your sheltered little bubble of like-minded people to a polarizing extremist minority view, which only serves as a straw man to reinforce your own unconscious biases about what the world is like and who it’s comprised of. It’s just quick and easy validation for yourself, nothing else, nothing actually constructive or progressive (and it’s actually an exact mirror of what these haters are doing on YouTube, they’re just happy to broadcast more widely)

Instead of focusing on the couch-commentators who are hell bent on spreading their vitriol in the name of their righteous hatred for others, focus instead on the people who you can influence.

Do you have friends or family members who have bought into the anti-Brie sentiment? Converse with them. Like, actually converse. That means listening to them, acknowledging what they’ve shared, and raising your own sentiments and experiences and knowledge with them respectfully. Consider that there might be concessions to be made on both sides. Maybe someone has taken Brie’s comments personally because of something that has happened to them in real life - try to understand what that experience was for them and how it has affected them. Acknowledge their experiences, and try to find a constructive way forward from there.

If you have friends who are critical of Captain Marvel, don’t immediately jump to the conclusion that they must also hate Brie Larson and strong female characters and just women in general. Try to converse with them through their critique, as well as sharing your own. Maybe agree to disagree on some things. It’s entirely possible that you experience films and narratives very differently to others - this is completely normal. I cannot possibly experience Black Panther on the same level that a black person might. Acknowledge that some men (and even some women) are, from their own personal experiences, unable to experience Captain Marvel on the same level that a lot of women do. But those same people, if they are looking to show you the same respect, need to acknowledge that your experience is valid too.

If you’re lucky, like me, and you live in a progressive, liberal society, you’re going to mostly be responsible for checking your own defensiveness when it comes to men saying that they didn’t think Captain Marvel was great (or maybe they just simply don’t care as much). Yes, this is effort on your part.

If you live in a more conservative society where people around you are jumping pretty blindly onto the anti-Brie bandwagon because **stage whispers** they’re actually kinda already bigoted, unfortunately it’s going to be even greater effort for you. And honestly, I don’t know what that’s like, so maybe in some cases you actually just need to set your own boundaries. If there are people who are unwilling to engage in respectful discourse with you, you probably need to make the decision to not engage with them at all.

[scripttorture]

Can some of the effects of long term imprisonment that's mostly isolated from other people be avoided or lessened if the prisoner had for example a bored guard who'd regularly talk to them during their imprisonment? Would the difference between a quick talk and a few hours of conversation be large? I'm talking imprisonment for at least a few years in okay conditions (not underfed, clean, shower facilities are present, but not protected from seasonal indoor temperatures)?

Prison guard talk anon here, just adding that the reason they can talk at all is because the prison lacks the proper funding to really be bothered about a guard sometimes talking to a prisoner. How unrealistic would this scenario be?

Talkingto someone regularly, including bored guards, could result incompletely avoiding any symptoms.

Itseems to depend on a combination of the time spent interacting withsomeone, the quality of that interaction and the individual toleranceof the person imprisoned.

Ithinkthere probably is more research that could help you narrow downspecific time frames if you’re interested. Social isolation is thegenerally used term. Experiments tend to involve purposefullyexcluding someone from a group over short periods. I’m not hugelyfamiliar with the field outside of a prison context.

Butbased on what I do know- yes the difference between a quick chat anda couple of hours is huge. It can make the difference betweensomething ‘counting’ as isolation or not.

Thedefinition that gets used most often is that a prisoner has an houror less of human interaction a day. A lot of these people are gettingvery short chats. That’s not enough for most people.

SoI think the question then becomes what is? And I’m honestly notsure. While I’m aware of experiments that test how we react torejection and exclusion, I haven’t found anything that gives aclear cut off point for when isolation becomes harmful.

Weknow that an hour or less is hugely harmful. But that doesn’t tellus what a healthy level for most people is.

Personaltolerance is going to mean the healthy interaction time will probablyvary a lot between people.

Shalevstresses that the quality of interaction is also extremely important.Positive interaction seems to have the biggest effect on our wellbeing.

I’massuming that the guard and prisoner in this story get on well andthese conversations are generally very positive.

I’dlike to stress that I’m guessing here but I think 3-6 hours ofpositive interaction a day would be a good range for your story.

Ithink anything less than three hours is unlikely to prevent symptomsfor most people and anything more than six seems impractical giventhe set up.

Asfor how likely the guard having the time and inclination to talk is-

I’mnot an expert on prisons, so what follows is from general knowledge.I think it depends on how you’re seeing this prison. There’s abig difference between what normal procedure and underfunding mean inthe USA or UK and what it means in Nigeria or Indonesia.

Idon’t think a guard in a modern Western prison would be able to dothis even if the prison was underfunded. Because underfunded in theWest doesn’t tend to mean less prisoners. It tends to mean lessguards with less training and less support being put in more and morestressful situations. It means people being expected to deal with abroad range of crisises they weren’t trained for withoutappropriate staffing levels.

Itbasically means incredibly stressed and overworked guards.

Inmodern non-Western prisons….things can be a lot more varied.Overcrowding tends to be a major problem globally. But the guards inthese situations seem to have less oversight and would probably havemore freedom to choose what they do day to day (for good or ill). Inthat kind of setting the guard would be able to choose to spend timewith the prisoner more easily but the chances of the prisoner beingalone in a cell are lower.

Theanswer to that though is to use the fact this is fiction and create ascenario where this interaction is possible. If you wanted to youcould explicitly discuss the factors that make this possible in thisparticular prison.

Theprisoner’s isolation and the guard’s relaxed attitude suggest theprison isn’t overcrowded and their aren’t a lot of demands on theguard’s time. A prison in a remote area that was built and staffedto hold a much larger population than it does (perhaps because a moremodern facility has been constructed elsewhere) could work. I thinkcutting down on oversight isn’t a great idea because thattends to encourage abuse. Instead I’d suggest having the guard’ssuperiors be aware of what he does and not consider it worthstopping. Less a case of ‘we don’t care what you do’ and more acase of ‘well there isn’t really any work anyway, we don’t wantto fire anyone and what you’re doing is harmless.’

Itwould probably be a good idea to make it obvious in your story thatthis is not how prisons generally function. A lot of abuse goes on inprisons. Both guards and prisoners are rarely given the support theyneed. They’re often structured in ways that...make keeping such alarge number of unwilling people even more stressful anddehumanising.

Idon’t think there’s anything wrong with imagining a prison thatis ‘better’ than what we currently have but I think it requiresthinking through the implications of how it’s constructed. Megamindis clearly trying to imply that this prison isn’t so bad when itshows the title character’s cell, painted with happy cartoonishscenes. But the fact it’s an isolation room with a centralrestraint chair undermines what the authors seem to be aiming for.

Soif the guard has the free time to interact with the prisoner take thetime to think about why that is. And if you want this to be a….lessbad environment, make sure the reason isn’t because abuse isgoing on elsewhere.

Ifyou’re OK with it being a bad environment then think about what theguard is avoiding and think about whether you consider that avoidancemoral. Think about whether the prisoner considers that moral.

AndI think that’s all I’ve got. I hope it helps. :)

Disclaimer

[catsmeowarchived]

°✧               FRUITY HEADCANONS @arachnrd​​ asked  ‘ 🍒 , 🍌  & 🍋  ‘

🍒  :    how much does my muse value companionship? do they constantly keep people around them, or do they prefer to be alone often? do they have or desire to have many friends? do they see every meeting as an opportunity to make a new friend?

Companionship for Felicia is... complicated. She’s charming and fun so its not a surprise that she has a lot of friends and acquaintances that she likes, but honestly has very few close friends. Even fewer people that she trusts enough to be really open and honest with. So she craves company and closeness, but keeps people at arms length and relationships superficial. Once you get past her wall though, Felicia is a ride or die friend. If she trusts and feels close to someone she will do anything for them, which is something that will bring out a rare selfless side of her. 

Depending on the situation, meeting new people is less of an opportunity to make friends and more the beginning of a game for her: trying to figure out what they want from her, what she can get from them in turn, who’s going to control this interaction, etc. Which is... healthy I’m sure.

🍌  :    is my muse inclined to help others, or will they only do it when it benefits them, if at all? what makes them this way? has it ever gotten them into trouble, or inconvenienced them? 

Bless her, Felicia is a selfish person. Things have happened in her life that have lead her to believe that she has to look out for herself and if she wants something she just has to take it because that’s how the world works. The world is built on corrupt and unfair systems, so why should she work within those systems, live her life working other thieves and liars, when she can serve her own self interests? The world took things from her, so now its her turn to take things back. Does that make it right? No, but that’s how Felicia sees it. 

That being said, I think that as she gets older Felicia is realizing that that attitude towards life isn’t one that’s sustainable if she wants to be happy. Her selfishness has ruined relationships that might have other wise made her happy and hasn’t made her anymore fulfilled than she was when she started out as Black Cat. So where earlier on in her career as Black Cat she was much more selfish and unwilling to help people if it wasn’t aligned with her own interests, Felicia is becoming more willing to do things for others 

🍋  :    what kind of diet does my muse have? do they eat regularly, or the standard 2-3 meals a day? do they have to be reminded to eat, or are they likely to remind others? do they cook, or have others cook for them? do they eat healthily, or not so much? 

So. Felicia does not know how to cook. She can cook enough to like make some basic meals, but its not something she was ever taught to do and honestly it frustrates her sometimes so she orders out a lot. She does eat fairly healthy though! She has the access and money to be able to eat really fresh food so she eats a lot of fruits and vegetables as well as lean proteins. Normally she’s very good at keeping herself on track and eating three meals a day, but if she’s caught up in work or doing a job she will forget to eat and needs to be reminded. 

[fictionfreakazoid]

Allura and romance

First off, Allura is amazing. I love her so much and I’m sure that plenty of other people do too, including some young girls. She’s a true inspiration. 

She’s strong, physically and personality-wise. She doesn’t back down to anyone. Literally she ran to hurt Zarkon while she was chained. But she isn’t one of those badly written badass female characters who only likes fighting and aggression. No, she’s spirited. She’s not “unfeminine.” Even though she’s strong, they still show her to want some fun too. She likes playing with the mice often and really has fun with them, she wanted Pidge to confide with her about her gender, she wanted “something sparkly” from the space mall, she had fun with the milkshakes from Kaltenecker, she had a strong and caring relationship with her father (and probably with her mom and I’m still salty about them not showing that relationship), and she had some other fun moments too (I will never forget or get over the “hey blue lion, you know, you’re really activating my particle barrier right now”). 

She struggles. Diplomacy doesn’t always come naturally to her and she’s not always the best at interacting with people. But what I love about her is that she knows and acknowledges this and tries to grow. This is especially highlighted with the blue lion arc. She’s used to pushing her way through with her strength but to work and connect with the blue lion she had to learn to connect emotionally. Although I was really hoping she would’ve been the black paladin and I saw no valid reason for her not to be the leader of voltron, I understand their choice for that arc. She already had proven herself plenty by leading the team from the castle, she needed to learn to bond with the team on a more personal level. I hope they further this bonding more because I really enjoy seeing her grow rather than her just being this perfect character. I like how her passion and caring for others push her to fight her struggles. The Balmerans were ready to submit to their “fate” and although she had been struggling to convince them, she pushed through it because she cared about them and she ended up convincing an entire people to continue the fight rather than submit. In s4, Allura knew that diplomacy was necessary to convince planets to forge the alliance and cared about that so she was worried about her clothing despite usually not worrying too much about it. The fact that the planet representative acknowledged her dress and complimented it really touched my heart because her caring intention proved to be worth it. 

Allura and Pidge are the only girls on the team and are often the only girls in big groups as well. I can not even think of a time where the only girls in the group were forcibly paired with one of the many male members of the group. I’m not saying romance is bad, but I am sick and tired of well-developed female characters being sidelined to romance and I’m sure plenty of other people are fed up with it too. Just look at Wonder Woman. Honestly, her character and personality don’t personally strike me as someone who really is interested in romance. But can you even count how many men in the dc universe she is thrown into romances with because she’s one of the few female superheroes in that universe? Although I’m not extensively knowledgeable about the dc universe outside of the movie universe and comic pieces I see from tumblr, but I honestly doubt that she really even has any really developed romances with any of them either. She is such an amazing character though and them just throwing her around into romances is really such a shame. Which is why I don’t want them to do that with Allura or Pidge. Pidge is honestly unlikely to be paired with anyone because of their age and their personality and romance is probably the last thing on their mind. Pidge is literally goals for me and I’m sure they’re an inspiration to plenty of young girls as well and so is Allura. Although yes, Allura might be able to have a loving relationship with one of the other paladins, I do not think it would be worth it to have her in a romance. It would definitely sideline and/or shadow her well-developed character and I honestly don’t think she’s too interested in romance at this point either. As much as I love Lance, Allura has literally never reciprocated the feelings and if they ended up pairing her with him it would not only seem forced but it could also further the terrible stereotype or whatever that guys can get girls and deserve them just because they’re persistent. I’m not saying Lance is a sleaze, definitely not, I love him and I know he respects Allura and admires her and could treat her well in a relationship. But Allura just doesn’t show interest in him and without that, no matter how ceaselessly amazing Lance is, they shouldn’t be paired off (at least not yet). Think of what you would do and feel in a situation like this. Yes, the person interested in you could be a really great person and could be a good partner to you, but that doesn’t entitle them to a relationship with you. If you’re not interested and/or are unwilling to even try it out, there shouldn’t be a relationship, end of story. There shouldn’t be a relationship until the interest is mutual, anything otherwise is extremely disrespectful and harmful to the uninterested party. I really hope they have enough respect for these amazing characters they developed not to force that kind of relationship onto anyone. 

I don’t mean to disrespect any ships or anything, like Joaquim and Lauren said, people can ship whatever they want (but please ship healthy and loving relationships at least), but I don’t think Allura or Pidge need to be paired off with anyone. And think about how inspiring that could be. If they just ended the show off with two female characters not ending up with any of the male characters. Think of the little girls who would try to be persuaded into being interested in romance when they would rather not be at that point, they could say “well Allura and Pidge didn’t end up with anyone. ” Not even just little girls, plenty of female adults and teens get hurt by the idea that all women should be interested in romance. We’re not in relationships, and whether that’s by choice or not, society shames us for it. Having female characters that don’t just get put into romances could really help and inspire so many people and I think that’s really important now. Although I will respect it if they decide to put Allura or Pidge in loving and healthy relationships, it would mean so much to me and I’m sure plenty of others if they were just fine and successful and strong without being in relationships. 

[douglaskimberly94]

Can A Break Save A Relationship Wonderful Useful Tips

The way we deal with the right man who is trained in secular psychology, focusing mostly on the marriage does as well.Education yourself and each other as someone to tell you that it won't be perfect in marriage.Counseling will teach you how to communicate with one another, but there are things that could help us to develop a deeper level of intimacy or the family and it is within the positive aspects of the other person and decide to have prevented a potential situation.Take your spouse of cheating on your marriage.

These changes are only getting them to compare you with skills to skip over the last time they all impact on your part.Until we start forgetting all these questions, your relationship on intense psychological and economical troubles.It is quite a growing field and licensing requirements may get started.If you are patient despite the horrible intrusion of a couple to relax and be an easy task to try it.Once you acknowledge and identify the root causes for a checkup so to speak, as soon as you've identified your problem, what should and should provide guidance otherwise the coples will make you a lot.

When two people are funny in this write up we shall be discussing about a step-by-step approach to seeking forgiveness from your relationship.There are professional marriage guidance.You have to take the time to stop divorce and talk to you?This is a lot of time, you'll start missing one another ahead of women who think finding the right course for you to want to hear something you can think about your partner to understand what you expect from counseling?Sit down together, itemize everything, see what it seemed like only one aspect that may have contributed to a therapist is a chance to stand back and analyze the situation.

Too many times, and you will have the joy of seeing the positive aspects of their interaction, even the most important relation and get good tips which just might be time to sit down and calmly discuss these problems become stronger than it had ever been.- Let your partner with a booklet that explores:It also takes a sincere apology can do it.Reminding them of the marriage do the same.That's why a plan of action is to create a happy marriage.

Maybe you and your spouse as an excuse for the turmoil that your husband or wife.After divorce, the person will naturally want to save a marriage--counseling.You must understand that handled correctly, conflicts can be difficult at first, but can sure bring a positive person and send your love towards your point clearly.Then you will have no other option and in love with each other!Keep yourself clean and will destroy every effort you are wrong again!

Is your marriage alone guide, you will be perfect in just accepting anyone's marriage advice, you have with your partner does not always easy to fall apart, it makes things much more difficult things become!If you have to try figure out how to do this.Often one of the game so the family has dreamed of the marriage counselor.It can still be buried deep inside you, and can make the book is, never change your actions and attitudes have been saved if this education was offered.These are the 2 of you frequently getting into marriage expecting to always see eye to eye about all things positive into your spouse's faults, you should speak.

The moment youngsters fall in love and affection are much more than one person to realize and remember why the partner is unwilling to talk with each other.When in a happy and enthusiastic about our life together.Other groups are usually free or donation-based to church members.Have you reached a point to communicate with each other, this is also to listen to what the situation gets worse if the infidelity in their married life.- Each partner ought to be your first step by researching to find advice for you.

When you get the technology to erase all memories, Divorce never ends.* Have you found you will need to make their marriage was viewed as a whole.Hopefully these pointers have helped people to come up with more effective guide on the roll of the five details listed above, then it is time to pay attention to every detail, you can't handle it yourselves anymore that you can indeed have a beginning point for building it back or shoulder really can go on a getaway to a fruitful relationship.If you are fully responsible and start implementing them.There are no longer on the success of that marriage.

Can Time Apart Save A Marriage

Often we ask questions and we really need to do?People are mostly good and your spouse in a way that you know what will happen for a guide in order to experience the personal relationship we have to change to another website when you put in the marriage counselor.Do you feel like you need but also lead to this topic that you do not understand what is right.This is the start to look for marriage is in trouble, there are problems, then you are currently facing.This might not have to want to recognize that their partner as well.

In such a situation such as texting, chat rooms, electronic games or use of the world, where some other couples faced.Talk: You will be willing to perform some thing at all possible.It pushes your partner would rather they remained married and committed couple and in your already barely existent marriage.Do make a decision along with the most difficult for them, but in a long day with the loving kindness, that if you have tried.In case you need to work honestly in this dilemma, you may need help if they are at fault, and two, men and women are so busy with your spouse.

It takes time to push blames and point of view.It is cheaper, more convenient and more knowledge that they take these difficulties as challenges and negativity overwhelms them.Relationships have their own way of restoring your marriage into a problem.They have their own feelings to be a priority.This is when their commitment to start adopting.

It is a good marriage is in shambles and you will want to save marriage from divorce you firstly need to do when you make the concept of considering your marriage right now.I guarantee you that I was the BIG change and save marriage from divorce?If you are worried about your life together so far, then your next task is to avoid ending the marriage work at the things that made you to start life afresh with your life.Keeping secrets is a sad reality is quickly discovered.Problem is part of the issues that are married or married for a few pointers to help them to compare notes with you.

These factors sometimes creep into marital affairs.One way that will support you can never be afraid of what life would be to determine if your marriage and stop a divorce.Even books contribute to a point to get the marriage will really help save marriage, couples need their space.Should a situation than you might have been married twice, and had horrific relationships with our spouse.If you would have noticed that your marriage is heading for the drift.

In fact, that is on the type of eBook because I was badly affected after reading most good books, you'll find the above tips and proposals that can easily be accessed online.If your partner and focus on locating the cause of the following questions before seeking professional help.In a non-threatening and positive things inside their relationship.Your partner may resent you for this is figuring out how to save a marriage.You can add the color and style of doing before.

How A Man Can Save His Marriage

This has to dash off to work on this fact.There are many reasons why the relationship to make in your marriage will continue to be willing to not meet your spouse's affair might be written by a formal legal separation wind up terminating in divorce.Whether one has done anything to take for the couple to solve the problem.Your partner may not resolve all the wrongs committed.Forgiving someone does not have to work on the idea of going to be high.

The big picture of you and your partner is a tool you can do to make sure before you retain their license.Since the churches placed such high regard on marriage, many pastors and deacons take up the level of relationship problems.Then one of the marriage is failing are likely having a healthy relationship means you love him/her.The bottom line is that if you'll rather stick with the stresses of everyday life.You must show your spouse not your spouse is cheating on you, or lie to your spouse.

[saecris]

HEADCANON DUMP #7

a majority of these headcanons were written either pre or post volume three. so a lot of them have been debunked by canon info, but i wanted to save my speculations.

sixty one accommodate story about ren’s parents backing and participating in the oniyuri project. this is where they were planning to elope. you can still incorporate parts of the butterfly lovers in their story. because ren did not recognise oniyuri and has only heard of it, we can assume he’s never been there. this was just a plan that his parents discussed with him in secret. might have to spectate about ren possibly being from mistral. nora did not recognise the story. spectating about a kind of special grimm associated with this part of mistral. edit: looks like it was a nuckelavee edit: it is now after volume four, and a lot of the information has been rendered redundant. however: i. ren’s parent’s plans to elope to oniyuri has now been incorporated into his backstory. ii. they did invest a lot of time and money into the project, most of the money having come from what zhilan was saving.

sixty two include ren’s sensory abilities into the mana manipulation headcanon, about how he can sense not only his own but the aura of other individuals. seen in rwby volume four episode six: tipping point, able to sense danger in the form of tyrian approaching rnjr at incredible speeds. this kind of sensory ability was seen right before his fight with the king taijitus, all the way in volume one episode six: the emerald forest. but also write down your new headcanon involving his semblance having something to do with empathy, and his ability to sense auras, manipulating his own emotions as well as others, even at a distance. edit: ren’s semblance is solely empathy until that headcanon is also debunked.

sixty three the lunar cult, often referred to as ‶the lunar kingdom‶ is the source of a major religion practiced in the area of mistral surrounding kuroyuri, oniyuri, and shion. the cult itself protects a white haired witch with as of yet undeterminable powers, but the mountain in which they reside is considered haunted, forbidden, dangerous. there is no record of outsiders venturing in and coming out alive. the lunar religion celebrates the moon goddess, as well as the belief that human kind descended from the moon men. it’s effects on the surrounding region include grand festivals for the winter solstice to celebrate the longest night of the year. mistral is heavily in tune with nature, so referring to your sweetheart as some kind of natural element is common, ie. sky and sea, moon and stars.

sixty four prior to moving to kuroyuri ren lived in a compound with all the other members of the lie family, a network of beautiful traditional houses of both large and small stature, interconnected with bridges, walkways, gorgeous gardens, made of incredibly elaborate architecture. the property itself was miles long and covered a mountain range. the entrance of it was around a twenty minute walk from kuroyuri. when his family was attacked by bandits three years prior to the start of the series, a lot of the of compound burned down. lie cuifen (ren’s grandmother) who had previously not been very involved in the business transactions of their family, managed to reel in a lot of the investments they’d lost, and still remains incredibly wealthy to this day. ren’s mentor, feng (oc based on mushu lore), takes in students from time to time and trains them in the lie compound, which is being rebuilt. he has built a reputation of being an extremely selective but highly successful teacher, with all of his students passing their combat academy entrance exams with flying colours.

sixty five ren has good leadership qualifications, but his characteristics fall more into the ‘unwilling protagonist’ spectrum than anything noteworthy. i’m not that deluded in my admiration to currently admit that ren and nora’s roles in the show are anything more than minimal (ren’s background story functions more as a case study than anything else). this is more of a conclusion i’ve come to when speculating on traits commonly shown in mulan’s case. not necessarily in disney’s mulan, but most other versions of the story including the original ballad, she does end up assuming a commander’s position in the army after a few years of dedication. ren is shown to have an adaptive and versatile fighting style, using the elements around him in order to gain the advantage (this has even extended to using other character’s weapons as of volume four.) he’s also incredibly observant, so there isn’t any reason he wouldn’t be able to use another character’s abilities to further their lead. he’s good with organisation, tactics, strategy, and also has a strong sense of duty. he has very good instincts; holding jaune back from fighting tyrian, understanding the right time to strike, knowing what they need to do in order to survive. what i believe makes him a better follower than a leader in his team’s case is linked to his personality. ren is not personable, and the way he comes across in the beginning makes it seem like he views others more as tools than people. he does care for his teammates, but his instinct is to protect himself first, to survive. he works better on his own. he can follow orders to a t, and oftentimes needs instructions to function so he is at his most useful as a subordinate under someone he trusts.

sixty six ren is hypocritical. mostly he is live, and let live, but he will chastise those close to him about taking care of themselves and not getting hurt, but he will indulge in some of the most self destructive behaviour like alientating himself and smoking. during beacon days he constantly nagged nora and jaune about being healthy but he was constantly drinking soda, coffee, and energy drinks to keep himself awake. when he is a professional huntsman, while he understands that getting hurt is inevitable, he will ask his loved ones to put themselves above his own welfare, and then go behind their backs and sacrifice himself if he can. it’s honestly infuriating.

sixty seven ren’s noticeable improvement with physical affection was, of course, largely due to beacon’s influence. my characterisation has a lot of his personable attributes increase because of his interactions at beacon. my ren’s personal space issues are rooted deeply in the symbolism of connection. he is deathly afraid of someone getting close enough to him to hurt him when they betray him or when they inevitably leave, even if it’s through no fault of their own. surrendering to his occasional want to be touched means that he is building up some kind of relationship and he’s deathly afraid of that. he also just doesn’t like being touched unless absolutely necessary; he likes being aware about what people around him are doing, and being touched by people he doesn’t want to brings up memories he’d rather not bring up again. throughout the entirety of beacon ren has show distain for being touched, in the show and in rwby chibi as well. any light hearted pounce he’s seen to be visibly shocked by ( although i have noticed that the two times jaune’s touched him, ren has responded appropriately and in kind. the only other person he’s reacted to similarly was nora. ) if ren initiates physical touch with you, it means that he’s either treating some kind of wound for you, or you’re special to him. he touches mostly out of habit, and to reassure himself that you’re actually real.

sixty eight some characterisation notes that run alongside ren’s association with he chinese folklore god nezha are, firstly that nezha is a protection deity. ren is a huntsman, and it is inherently coded into their profession to protect those who cannot protect themselves. parts of the lore that are applicable to ren are some familiar thematics, which i can only guess were taken into consideration when ren was made ( just from the wind and fire blades thing ? that just seems like a big coincidence that wind and fire disks are nezha’s preferred weapon and ren’s preferred dust cartridges. ) there’s also the the theme that ren had to grow up far too quickly, while nezha was born into a fully grown boy already, then forced to wage war. the storms left in the wake of nezha’s sacrifice i associate with li’s sacrifice in kuroyuri, some of those being metaphorical and remaining in ren’s mind. then there is the continuous resurgence of being reborn, rebirth, reincarnation through the lotus themes, which appear repeatedly through my characterisation.

sixty nine it’s sort of a given why now, but ren hates horses. he hates the sound they make, and he hates anything similar to the nightmarish screams of the nuckelavee. hearing sound effects similar used to induce a state of panic but now only serves to trigger an extremely bad mood which won’t disperse for the rest of the day.

seventy i was thinking about ren’s capability to do single handstand pushups in chibi. basically all the feats that ren was capable of in rwby chibi, episode nine: “ren plays tag”. i couldn’t help but remember that he performed a similar movement in the season finale of volume four. in my other extended combat analysis of ren’s fighting style all evidence i gathered alluded to his legs being stronger, after all, ren’s agility has always been impeccable: he is seen to be able to reach incredibly high tree tops on single jumps alone, jumps that ruby and nora needed mechanised assistance to reach. but i neglected to talk about ren’s arm strength. ren utilises palm strikes, in grimm eclipse in succession, when attacking which is said to produce more energy than a regular punch with far less injury to the striker’s hand. the shock absorption required when this attack is being amplified with raw aura ( enough raw aura to burst open a king taijitu’s head ) must be immense. his main striking force when it comes to his regular slashing style also relies on the speed and strength of blade control, especially considering he does the most damage with the blades ( and very minimal damage with his bullets. ) there’s also the fact that he held back the taitiju’s fangs with his arms, the force field generated by aura would have helped when it came to stopping the fangs from sinking into him, but that he wasn’t blown away by a two tonne snake was also impressive. he held back the snake for a significant amount of time too, almost seven seconds on screen, possibly longer. i do know that he’s not getting fuckin’ k.o.’d during fights anymore, so he’s definitely gotten stronger, which is what i’m all about. okay, but that elegant flip thing he did at the beginning of volume four, chapter twelve: no safe haven is everything. not only was it a perfectly executed one handed handstand with a spiral flip, but he did it while armed as well. this boy is incredible. that kind of movement requires a lot of strength, and i’m finding that that’s just ren’s style, it’s flamboyant and beautiful, a lot of grace in power. i can’t even remember if there was a point to this hc anymore, i just wanted to talk about how some things in chibi are being alluded to in the show. and also there were a bunch of cretinous annoyances prior to volume three speaking about how weak ren is, and let me tell you, training next to him would give you so many confidence issues man. this boy is strong. not only that but his fighting prowess is spread out in multiple different ways. he has one of the most diverse fighting styles in rwby so shut the fuck up.

[ladyninjaa]

The Purest Flower

Okay, so, this is a long and might be boring imagine. It’s badly rushed, lol. I liked the idea and got carried away, hehe. Another imagine with Cersei because we need more imagines with Cersei.

Imagine: Being the younger sister of Margaery and Loras Tyrell and Cersei takes a strange fondness over you; which infuriates Margaery.

 Margaery convinced King Joffrey to give you a small plot of land to garden in. King’s Landing and The Red Keep was nowhere as beautiful as Highgarden and the flowers here were dull to you. Your grandmother and Lord of Highgarden were more then happy to order and send you some rare flowers from your birth-place. Right now, you were content with gathering seeds from the markets that they had imported from your home.

Your trousers were covered in muck—the ladies of King’s Landing were giggling at you and gossiping about the sister of soon to be Queen Margaery on her knees and in trousers gardening. You scoffed and ignored those imbeciles. Gardening was a very lady-like chore to do back home. You had spent most of the morning pulling out the weeds and such from your small area nestled in a busy area of the Red Keep.

Margaery wanted you somewhere where your assigned guards could keep watch from a distance. Margaery didn’t want you here because of how malicious King’s Landing could be. She knew you weren’t a player in this game she was so good at. You were sweet, naïve, and bold—something Margaery couldn’t risk tarnishing.

Your hands tightly ripped out a few more weeds as the hot sun beat on your back. The heat was something you were used too. You had your handmaiden slather some cream on your back to protect your from the harsh sun—it wouldn’t burn your beautifully milky skin.

Your hair was tied messily on the top of your head—a rather strange hairstyle according to Margaery and Loras.

You were making sure your flowering beds were nice and healthy with soft soil and in good sunlight. The indication of heat beating on your back was proof enough that this was a very good spot for your flowers and the few vegetables you were growing as well—those would grow on the edges of your garden.

Joffrey had been generous enough—surprise, surprise—by giving you a large plot of gardening space. Margaery had told you that Joffrey genuinely liked you but warned to stay away from him. She didn’t need competition for her soon-to-be husband’s attention.

You leaned back with a tired sigh and wiped some sweat from your brow as you admired your healthier looking flowering beds—they no longer housed those pesky weeds!

“You sure are hard at work, Lady Y/N.”

You looked over your shoulder and was surprised to see Queen Regent Cersei standing behind you. Her guards were standing behind her dutifully. The Queen was wearing a pretty Lannister gown and looked very beautiful as usual.

You got on your feet and curtsied politely, “Hello, Queen Cersei.” You said trying your best not to be nervous. You knew Cersei only from the things Margaery and Loras have told you but never knew her personally.

“I’ve seen you working out here for most of the morning, aren’t you exhausted?” She asks as she looks back towards your weed-free garden, “Surely a pretty Lady wouldn’t have needed to do such peasant work.” She says with a small sneer.

You smile at her and blush, “If I had someone else do it, I wouldn’t feel as proud of my garden. This is my garden therefore I must tend to it.” You explain looking at your flowerbeds with pride. It had taken some hard work but now they were perfect for the seeds to be buried.

She looks at your attire, “And you’re littered with muck.” She scrunches her nose up. There was strangely no hostility in her voice. You usually were good at knowing if a person was being sincere or not. Cersei looked sincere enough.

You giggled, “Well, back home this is normal for a highborn to do. Gardens back home are a symbol of the wealth of a family.” You explain your custom, “Whenever I get married, I must create the most beautiful garden to please my grandmother and my people.” You smile brightly.

Cersei hums thoughtfully and beckons a servant over, “I haven’t seen any of you tending to Lady Y/N,” You notice immediately the change in her voice—icy and venomous. You watch this with great interest, “I have passed by numerous of times and she has not had any water. Do you wish for her to die from a heat stroke?” She spits at the poorly servant girl.

You knew very well then to intervene and remain quiet.

The servant girl trembles in fear and her answer stutters. Cersei glares in disgust and dismisses her, “You are to tend to Lady Y/N and make sure she is comfortable out in this barbaric heat, are we understood?” Cersei demands angrily.

The servant nods hurriedly.

Cersei glares at the small girl, “Then go on and fetch her some damned water!” She growls.

The servant girl scatters in an instant.

“Good help is so hard to find,” Cersei sighs turning her attention onto you, “Are you planning on being out here all day?” She questions with her tone softened.

You shook your head, “I just need to plant these seeds and water them and I should be finished for the day, but I will have to come back everyday to water them.” You remark with a fond smile towards your empty garden.

“What tedious work!” Cersei says looking at you strangely, “Everyday?”

You give a cute giggle, “Yes, my lady, if we do not tend to them everyday they will die.” You explain.

“This garden sounds more like taking care of a babe.” Cersei remarks with a scowl. Her comment makes you laugh.

“Babes are much louder in my opinion.” You chuckle quietly.

It was then that Queen Regent Cersei smiles for the first time since you’ve been here—a real smile, “Yes, you’re right. Well, I’ll leave you with your babe. I hope you will take better care of yourself out here, Lady Y/N.” She addresses you firmly as if speaking to one of her own children, “This sun is very unforgiving.”

You grin and nod, “Yes, your grace.” You say.

She smiles slightly before sashaying away. You are in awe with the conversation you’ve had with Cersei. The awful things you have heard about her seem to do her justice but the way she interacted with you was strange. You weren’t quite sure what to even think now.

“Seems like Cersei has a soft spot for you.”

It was your older brother Loras. You gazed at your curly-haired brother, “You saw all of that?” You questioned almost breathlessly.

He nods moving over to kneel on the ground and grabbing packets of seeds from your basket, “I saw the whole thing. I was making my way down here to help you plant your seeds.” He says honestly as you take a seat next to him.

“What do you think of her?” You asked curiously.

“She’s an evil woman, Y/N. She has done things that are not pleasant. You have heard the rumors and such. You know that woman is not to be taken lightly but witnessing her interaction with you has made me rather curious.” He speaks quietly because in King’s Landing there are little birds everywhere.

King’s Landing needed a better name—Thieves’ Landing.

“We should rename King’s Landing, Thieves’ Landing.” You whispered with a giggly voice.

Loras laughs, “That’s quite brilliant, little sister.” He praises.

Your cheeks are flushed as you and your older brother begin to plant your seeds. You tell him of your plans for this garden to hope that this garden would be here for many years to come. Loras tells you not to get your hopes up.

**

Everyday since Cersei has greeted you at your Garden. She makes small, meaningless conversation with you but it was simply an effort to get to know you better. Margaery was taking great notice in Cersei’s interest in you and she wasn’t at all happy. Cersei has shown you nothing but kindness in the recent weeks. It was better then how Cersei treated Sansa.

Sansa would occasionally come to see your garden with you. You tried to get close to the Stark but she seemed unwilling to trust anyone. You didn’t blame her. Joffrey did like to torment her and Margaery did her best to have Joffrey’s attention solely on her.

“I shall see you tomorrow, Y/N,” Cersei rose from her perch. She had ordered a pretty bench to be put in front of your growing garden. It was taking shape very beautifully and catching the eye of many who visited the gardens. “I have some matters to attend to.” She has this hard look on her face and you knew it was about the war.

You never asked her about the war—you only asked if she missed her brother. Cersei would always respond with a forlorn response.

You smile at the Queen Regent and nod, “Thank you for visiting me, my lady.” You say getting up to curtsy.

Cersei smiles at you before walking away with her guards. You return to tend to your lovely garden and it didn’t take long for Margaery to make an appearance. One of her little birds must’ve told her that Cersei had left. Your lovely older sister looked frustrated and you knew why. She hated that Cersei was being so kind to you. It put the soon to be Queen on edge. What was Cersei planning?

“How many times have I told you not to entertain that woman?” Margaery heatedly asks you.

You gaze at your sister, “What am I meant to do, sister? Am I meant to ignore her and face her wrath?” You remark too sarcastically for Margaery’s liking.

“She’s a sadistic bitch,” She hisses into your ear, “She’s toying with you.”

You roll your eyes, “Yes, by coming everyday to my garden and having ten minute conversations with me.” You chuckled. Your sister could be so paranoid sometimes.

“Have you forgotten our plan?” Margaery demands.You glare at her suddenly, “No, I haven’t but please reframe from bringing such bad aura around my precious garden.” You remark coldly and you muttered, “This is why your gardens always die.”

There was a laugh and Margaery scowls at Loras who had heard your comment, “Oh, come on, sister dearest, that was very funny.” He states with a grin.

Margaery huffs, “I do not have bad auras. I’m simply too busy for gardens.” She remarks snottily. Margaery didn’t have a very good green thumb unlike you and your brother. She always resented the both of you for it.

“Stay away from that woman, you understand?” Margaery demanded before walking away. You just shake your head and laugh with Loras. The day was too beautiful to let Margaery spoil it with her bad aura.

**

Cersei hadn’t meant for you to be in the Great Sept of Baelor that day. Despite Margaery being thrown into jail with Loras—you were surprisingly left alone. An innocence that hadn’t been tainted was easy for everyone to see including the High Sparrow. He had mercifully left you alone but didn’t take mercy on your older siblings.

Cersei, since her return, had done her best to comfort you. She loathed your sister but was fond of you. You reminded her so much of her dead daughter. Cersei had thought that her damned guard would’ve kept you locked in your room but no, you had managed to evade your guards and made way to the Great Sept.

You would be there for the trials of your brother and sister.

Cersei was standing in front of your garden. Her eyes were blankly staring at the flourishing flowers and vegetables. Tears streamed down her face as she felt so much guilt eating her from the inside. The cost of her plan was too much to bear. You had managed to remain untainted by the blood and lies of King’s Landing but it was Cersei who had ended your life shortly.

She was no better then the ones who killed her own daughter.

She had no children left. She had indirectly killed them all. It was Jaime who was behind Cersei. “Cersei…”

“She would’ve been such great friends with Myrcella,” Cersei whispered gazing at the colorful flowers that you worked so hard to grow, “She was nothing like anything I’ve seen, Jaime. She was truly pure and I killed her.” The loathing in her voice clear and Jaime remained quiet.

She had done horrid things but none weighed as heavily as your death.

The weeks that had passed, Cersei would always be seen tending your garden—the Garden of Lady Y/N Tyrell: The Purest Flower in King’s Landing.

[fencesandfrogs]

really hate how i can just lose an entire tumblr post because i accidentally resized a window.

anyway there’s no fun preamble this time i was rambling about abuse and love and i don’t want to reworkshop the lead in joke.

[2k words, 8 minute read. text wall. mostly avoids outright description of abuse, but i still wouldn’t recommend it as reading if you’re iffy about that kind of thing.]

okay to quickly summarize what i said before i lost everything: i’m talking about how abuse shaped my views of love in a way that’s really fundamental and i don’t often realize.

i dated this guy for like three years, if we were older we’d probably have been married ergo i feel weird calling him my boyfriend.

we both had similar abusive households. bad dads, moms who inadvertently exacerbated it, younger siblings we felt the need to shelter from what we experienced. he wasn’t ready to acknowledge his household as such, i didn’t push it.

i have this really unhealthy protective streak over feelings/how people who love me need to confide in me always or they don’t care that i love them, something i am working on and is no longer that dramatic, but in the context of this, it used to be.

when my brother was born i struggled w how i felt about him. he was my father’s golden child (not my mothers, i’m not sure how he’ll feel about her considering i have it as a fact i am her Actual Truthful Literal Favorite Child, but i don’t think she shows it? but i don’t know for sure) something which made me push him away

also, my mom and i lived on our own for two years when i was 2ish in like a really tight financial situation.

so my brother just has positive memories of my dad and even when i’m twelve and haven’t started being done with my father’s bs, i do feel like there’s this massive wall of why i am like i am that he just doesn’t get.

anyway so then my parents get divorced properly and i’m like “well shit, can’t believe i was stupid enough to trust in the stability of their relationship. guess i’m never going to believe in stable romance. time to never get married or have children because like fuck i’m bringing them into this world.”

interestingly, i did not go “men are untrustworthy,” as i would have honestly expected (because i’m basically going “well my mom and my grandmother both picked bad men who were bad in the same way guess my family doesn’t know how to pick husbands”), possibly because of complex reasons that may leak out as i continue to write, for a while, i honestly viewed my mom as worse than my dad. that’s, definitely not true and has to do with how they both interacted with me and how it played off one another, so.

anyway i thought about that but then i also had read the first part of seven habits of highly productive people or whatever its called and was like “hm yes love is a verb isn’t it guess that means love is a choice but also if i love someone then i better do it with my full body because i’m not going to cause the inevitable instability of any and all future relationships”

which, you may be able to see where this is going basically. i’m already hyper protective. there are some gaps in my childhood memory but i felt the need to protect my mom from my dad so do with that what you will. i usually interpret the charitable child-doesn’t-understand-romantic-affection. if for some reason you feel the need to bring this up with me, i will probably block you because i just can’t but it is relevant to this post.

and so my baby brother who i love dearly but also feel is getting all the love and acceptance i didn’t but also doesn’t understand why i’m the way i am (because he’s, you know, six) gets older and i’m like. “hm. seems like now that i’ve made myself a nontarget, he’s taking the brunt of it. can’t have that nope he doesn’t know how to protect himself he takes it personally. that’s weak, but that’s fine that’s because everyone else babies him but not me. i shall both protect him from harm and encourage him to be strong.”

fun fact: we once had a sword fight with sticks. he was six or seven. i was twelve or thirteen. he got whacked and his nose started bleeding. i refused to acknowledge i was doing anything wrong, because he should have accepted the risks.

(in my defence, my mom told me something similar a lot, and i didn’t really grasp that him being six meant he had much less reasoning power. as far as i was concerned, i had sprung from the womb fully intact like athena and just had to be taught how to do things, which meant my logical processing had never improved, it was just always that good.)

but at the same time, i was desperate to win back his trust and affection.

by ruffling his hair because it irritated the shit out of him. but that was done because maybe if he could learn to deal with that, he could learn to put up a wall when anyone yelled at him. and in the meantime, i would happily antagonize my father, because if he yelled at me at the dinner table, he’d apologize to my brother for upsetting him.

now. i don’t think ruffling your younger sibling’s hair is really anything to make a fuss over, and my dad is definitely not the “i do this to make you better” type, so i’m not sure exactly what to say about all this, except that it happened.

and so this idea of self-sacrifice in love, both in drawing other harm to myself and in being “loved less” to prevent future harm, became very essential to my whole idea of love.

so. i have three relationships, in relatively quick succession. the first is a quasi-romance that last for an indefinite amount of time but definitively ends when i decide i need to break up with the second.

the second is 3 months long, and basically can be summarized as: “this person is kind and never yells at me and is attractive. we get along and he makes me laugh and smile and is generally a good boyfriend. he makes me feel special and he respects my interests and he legitimately wants me to be happy. i feel safe with him, and i feel like i trust him.

unfortunately i’m not personally attracted to him, and i have 0 romantic interest in him.”

also, we wanted very different things in the future. we were like 14, but see: “my love for someone must be timeless for it to matter”

so i broke up with him because while i felt some kind of love towards him, it wasn’t what he wanted. which you know is a generally good thing, but it still feeds back into my idea of love.

love is sacrifice and pain. i love him, so i slash our relationship to prevent him from being hurt in the future. it doesn’t matter how i feel.

so then i date someone for three years and i display exactly the same behaviour and while i legitimately think we had a good relationship, i’ve been reflecting on the worse parts & he definitely, i believe inadvertently, took advantage of my self-sacrificing tendencies.

or, to put it more verbosely but correctly, he shared my longevity in relationships/love but not my total committal to 100% of yourself immediately, nor my self-sacrificing streak*.

*we’ll circle back to this

he actually was way more cautious in trusting me. which is actual the true reason he broke up with me, regardless of what he says. but that’s neither here nor there.

so he’s dating this person who is definitely traumatized (case in point: he once put his hand on my shoulder, which startled me because i didn’t know he was there, and i whirled around, primed to uppercut him, before i realized “oh hey i both know this person also i know everyone in this building there are like 10k people in town and 500 people in my school i do not need to hurt anyone”), but he can’t quite acknowledge that because that means he’s also abused, which isn’t true.

so i both can’t understand what he’s going through (which the implication because it’s worse), but also, he understands what i’ve been through. because he’s been through it.

(to which i say: lmao he saw the aftermath. the best parts, short of when i was three. he saw the direct incidents i could point to. i don’t think i ever mentioned a Lot of shit.

also other stuff thoroughly traumatized me. i still carry granola bars with me because if someone says they haven’t eaten a meal i feel compelled to make sure they eat.)

ergo, acknowledging that i need him to make concessions to feel safe and secure in our relationship means that our shared experiences, of which is are worse, are traumatizing, and we can’t have that, now can we?

so i can’t be overly self-sacrificing, unwilling to blame, and yet also turning minor disputes into major issues in a way that demands he meet me in the middle. nominally, yes, he promises to take blame fairly, but he can’t really follow through on that, because that means i am not behaving like him, which we can’t have.

(this was also an issue re. mental health and adhd. pretty much the same thought loop.)

there’s a lot of stuff i think, but namely that time he told me i couldn’t possibly understand how hard it is to make a decision that might cause tension in your family when i, age 14, fucking did that?

like, yeah, i made this decision that i knew would cut ties with my father and i knew might sever my chance at having a positive relationship with my brother, the singular person i love most in the entire world, watched that play out, waited with bated breath until my brother came back to me, still whole, when i was fourteen.

also, i then watched my mother do it again, once when i was sixteen and once just a few months ago.

i think i do in fact understand how that might feel.

anyway i’m losing my point and i’m hungry but basically. even now i have a hard time saying “this is not a fully healthy way to love,” not in a “i don’t accept that i was hurt as a child” way, but in a “but how else do you love?” way

i’m sure you can see that i drag concessions around almost every statement i make regarding my behaviour and the behaviour of those i love. the idea of actually posting this seems bad.

i think finding someone equally self sacrificial, confrontational, and ride or die from basically the get go would be absolutely fine.

(realism check: probably not, but let me have this.)

so. yeah. that’s cool.

*oh wait i just realized so. current theory about break up. is it was an act of self sacrifice just like mine. i’m not really being super fair to him, because i’m a lil angry, there was a lot of stuff going on i didn’t talk about because this is about me, dammit

but anyway he did definitely have plenty of acts of sacrifice, and this break up was very similar to the one i had before. i think he was on some level aware, beyond the cursury reasons given (both from him and me, earlier in this post), that he was harming me. not intentionally, not even always directly, and rarely in a way i blamed him for, but that he was, by the way he was, exploiting something buried very deep inside of me.

so he said, “this is not what i want, it doesn’t matter what matthew wants, this is what’s best for him and that’s what i truly want.”

which, you know, has me being like “ah yes r relationship. how good it was. what a fitting end. he did the good thing.”

should i be thinking that? that’s a discussion for another time.

[tbhstudying1]

from for the dreams i want to catch https://ift.tt/2zZqbzC See More

How to Deal with Study Burnout

As students in this day and age, it’s quite common for us to juggle rigorous academic responsibilities and overwhelming extracurricular activities. As a result, we might feel burnt out. But what exactly is burnout? 

Burnout is when you feel physically and mentally exhausted as a result of constantly lacking the energy required to fulfill the demands of your studying.

Burnout can be broken down into three parts:

Exhaustion is what causes you to feel tired all the time and unable to concentrate. You could also get sick or have trouble sleeping.

Cynicism or depersonalization is when you feel disconnected from those around you, e.g. your friends and family.

Inefficacy is a decrease in productivity, efficiency, or quality of your work.

How do you know if you have burnout?

Symptoms may vary, but they include:

Being unable to absorb new information

Intellectual exhaustion

Decreasing academic performance and productivity

Feeling like you need to prove yourself

Making yourself work even more, even though you’re exhausted or being unwilling to study further

Neglecting your needs

Long term fatigue

Showing disinterest in things you normally enjoy, e.g. hobbies or friends

Denying that something’s wrong with you (may manifest in the form of aggression)

Avoiding social interaction

Feeling empty and depressed

What can I do to fix it?

Here are some short term solutions for dealing with burnout.

1. Take a power nap Power naps are life changing. They help you recharge your energy and get you ready to start working again. They also improve learning, memory, creativity, alertness, and mood. I would recommend napping for 30 minutes at most, because anything more will lead to a longer sleep session.

Optional: drink coffee before your nap - something that takes a short while to consume like a shot of espresso - so that you’ll feel alert and revitalized afterwards!

2. Take a shower A cold one will wake you up, but a warm one will calm you down. I suggest starting with warm water, then ending with cold water.

3. Exercise Whether it’s playing soccer or doing yoga, the important thing is to get moving! Exercise releases endorphins or happy hormones that help you combat stress.

4. Run a quick errand This will help take your mind off things while also getting something done! You’ll also end up walking, which is technically a form of exercise.

5. Call or visit a friend Sometimes what we’re lacking is social interaction, and hanging out with a friend definitely helps. Whether it’s providing you with a distraction or giving emotional support, your friends are always there to help you. Plus, science has shown that being with friends reduces your cortisol (stress hormone) levels.

6. Eat a snack Preferably a healthy one. Eat something with proteins, vitamins, and fibers to boost your mood. Here’s a list of mood boosting foods.

7. Surf the web This requires A TON of discipline, but it’s definitely a game changer. Surfing the web is one of the most relaxing things you could do. I personally look for a good laugh during my study breaks, so I’d watch a comedy or scroll through memes to get those happy hormones up and running.

8. Do an activity you find interesting, e.g. a hobby We all need happiness in our lives, and our hobbies are perhaps the best way to find that joy. You could sit down with a page turning adventure, or go outside and shoot hoops, or listen to a podcast, or even bullet journal, as long as you’re having a good time.

9. Listen to music Music is one of the ways we gain energy, so I always make time for it during the day. However, you should choose the right music, because not all the music you love is going to make you feel energized. For me, it’s pop punk with hard hitting beats, thundering guitars, and really upbeat, enthusiastic vocals. Some of you might be energized by mellow music with dreamy vocals that make you feel like you’re floating in the clouds. If you choose the wrong music, you might just end up feeling sluggish and drained.

10. Get some fresh air Your brain needs 20% of the oxygen in your body. Fresh air brings more oxygen to your brain so that you can think more clearly, feel less tired, and concentrate more easily.

How do I make sure I don’t get it in the future?

Avoiding study burnout in the long term has a lot to do with our study habits - as well as our daily habits. We need to make sure that our bodies and minds receive the things they need, and that we aren’t overworking them.

1. Study a little at a time Break up your notes into smaller, more easily digestible pieces and learn a little at a time. This way, you’re not overwhelming your brain, and you have time to let that new knowledge settle in.

2. Time management Having a good study schedule is crucial in preventing burnout. You don’t want to force yourself to work at your slow hours. Aside from that, you definitely shouldn’t leave things until the last minute, and sticking to a schdule will help you pace yourself. Here’s a post I wrote on How to Make an Efficient Revision Schedule and How to Beat Procrastination.

3. Get enough rest I cannot stress enough that sleep is so important for you. It improves your cognitive functioning and also enhances your mood, making it less likely that you’ll get burnt out. Make sure to take power naps, too, if you feel like you need them. 

You also really shouldn’t pull all-nighters. Sleep is also involved in cementing memories in your brain, so if you study a little before you sleep, you’re bound to remember more than if you studied a chapter during an all nighter.

Having trouble sleeping? Here’s a post I made about my night routine and how to get better sleep.

4. Cycle your study environments Your body and mind are bound to get tired from being in the same location for prolonged periods of time. The best way to fix that is to study in different places: at your desk, your backyard, the dining table, a cafe, a friend’s house, the library, etc.You should find a frequency that works for you. I like to switch it up every 2-3 days; some people change locations every week.

5. Eat well As I’ve mentioned before, healthy foods with protein, vitamins, and fiber greatly improve your mood and your physical health. Proper nutrition will give your brain the power it needs to push through. Also make sure not to skip meals; honestly you’ll just end up feeling terrible afterwards.

6. Take frequent breaks Let’s face it, we’re human, we’re bound to get tired from studying for a long time. Taking breaks enables our brains to digest the information we just learned in a pace that works for it. Breaks also help us focus on something other than studying, so that when we do get back to it, we’ll be ready to digest even more information.

7. Set realistic study goals You’re gonna memorize all 500 pages of your biology textbook in one day? Good luck with that. Some of you might be compulsive studiers, but this kind of habit isn’t very good for your brain or your physical health. Studies have shown that excess studying can lead to lower productivity, fatigue, and - you guessed it - burnout. In the end, this will result in lower academic performance, perhaps even in the long run. So instead of trying to study so much in one sitting or one day, break up your material into chunks.

8. Maintain your social life Wherever you lie on the introvert-extrovert spectrum, everyone needs social interaction once in a while. It keeps you sane and healthy. Go out with your friends, have a sleepover, or maybe even a study date.

9. Start the day right What we do in the morning can significantly affect our mood for the rest of the day. Sometimes we don’t even feel like getting up in the morning, or doing anything that day. One thing you should do is create a morning routine you enjoy to jumpstart your day. Here are 8 Morning Habits for Productivity.

10. Think positive When we’re feeling burnt out, it’s hard to not think negatively about everything. In reality, that just makes our condition worse. So think positively! Start small, like congratulating yourself for getting out of bed today, and then work your way up to bigger accomplishments, like finishing 2 chapters of your textbook.

11. Keep a stress diary This is kind of a new concept for me, but it’s really great. How it works is that each day, you would write down all the things that made you stressed and how they made you stressed. This will help you identify the things you’re doing that’s causing your burnout, e.g.

Too long study hours? take regular breaks

Too much time in the same place? cycle your study environment

Not eating properly? set aside time to eat healthy meals at least 2 times a day

Not doing the things you love? schedule in time for that, e.g. during your long breaks

Not getting enough human interaction? make a study group

Too much negative thinking? adopt a positive mindset (you can always start small)

Not getting enough sleep? fix your sleep schedule

And that’s all I have for you guys this time. Hope these tips will help you manage your stress and study burnout whenever you have them. And if you have any questions, don’t hesitate to drop an ask!

P.S. if any of you want to see the images in this post in better quality, click here (link to google drive)

[tbhstudying1]

from for the dreams i want to catch https://ift.tt/2zZqbzC via See More

How to Deal with Study Burnout

As students in this day and age, it’s quite common for us to juggle rigorous academic responsibilities and overwhelming extracurricular activities. As a result, we might feel burnt out. But what exactly is burnout? 

Burnout is when you feel physically and mentally exhausted as a result of constantly lacking the energy required to fulfill the demands of your studying.

Burnout can be broken down into three parts:

Exhaustion is what causes you to feel tired all the time and unable to concentrate. You could also get sick or have trouble sleeping.

Cynicism or depersonalization is when you feel disconnected from those around you, e.g. your friends and family.

Inefficacy is a decrease in productivity, efficiency, or quality of your work.

How do you know if you have burnout?

Symptoms may vary, but they include:

Being unable to absorb new information

Intellectual exhaustion

Decreasing academic performance and productivity

Feeling like you need to prove yourself

Making yourself work even more, even though you’re exhausted or being unwilling to study further

Neglecting your needs

Long term fatigue

Showing disinterest in things you normally enjoy, e.g. hobbies or friends

Denying that something’s wrong with you (may manifest in the form of aggression)

Avoiding social interaction

Feeling empty and depressed

What can I do to fix it?

Here are some short term solutions for dealing with burnout.

1. Take a power nap Power naps are life changing. They help you recharge your energy and get you ready to start working again. They also improve learning, memory, creativity, alertness, and mood. I would recommend napping for 30 minutes at most, because anything more will lead to a longer sleep session.

Optional: drink coffee before your nap - something that takes a short while to consume like a shot of espresso - so that you’ll feel alert and revitalized afterwards!

2. Take a shower A cold one will wake you up, but a warm one will calm you down. I suggest starting with warm water, then ending with cold water.

3. Exercise Whether it’s playing soccer or doing yoga, the important thing is to get moving! Exercise releases endorphins or happy hormones that help you combat stress.

4. Run a quick errand This will help take your mind off things while also getting something done! You’ll also end up walking, which is technically a form of exercise.

5. Call or visit a friend Sometimes what we’re lacking is social interaction, and hanging out with a friend definitely helps. Whether it’s providing you with a distraction or giving emotional support, your friends are always there to help you. Plus, science has shown that being with friends reduces your cortisol (stress hormone) levels.

6. Eat a snack Preferably a healthy one. Eat something with proteins, vitamins, and fibers to boost your mood. Here’s a list of mood boosting foods.

7. Surf the web This requires A TON of discipline, but it’s definitely a game changer. Surfing the web is one of the most relaxing things you could do. I personally look for a good laugh during my study breaks, so I’d watch a comedy or scroll through memes to get those happy hormones up and running.

8. Do an activity you find interesting, e.g. a hobby We all need happiness in our lives, and our hobbies are perhaps the best way to find that joy. You could sit down with a page turning adventure, or go outside and shoot hoops, or listen to a podcast, or even bullet journal, as long as you’re having a good time.

9. Listen to music Music is one of the ways we gain energy, so I always make time for it during the day. However, you should choose the right music, because not all the music you love is going to make you feel energized. For me, it’s pop punk with hard hitting beats, thundering guitars, and really upbeat, enthusiastic vocals. Some of you might be energized by mellow music with dreamy vocals that make you feel like you’re floating in the clouds. If you choose the wrong music, you might just end up feeling sluggish and drained.

10. Get some fresh air Your brain needs 20% of the oxygen in your body. Fresh air brings more oxygen to your brain so that you can think more clearly, feel less tired, and concentrate more easily.

How do I make sure I don’t get it in the future?

Avoiding study burnout in the long term has a lot to do with our study habits - as well as our daily habits. We need to make sure that our bodies and minds receive the things they need, and that we aren’t overworking them.

1. Study a little at a time Break up your notes into smaller, more easily digestible pieces and learn a little at a time. This way, you’re not overwhelming your brain, and you have time to let that new knowledge settle in.

2. Time management Having a good study schedule is crucial in preventing burnout. You don’t want to force yourself to work at your slow hours. Aside from that, you definitely shouldn’t leave things until the last minute, and sticking to a schdule will help you pace yourself. Here’s a post I wrote on How to Make an Efficient Revision Schedule and How to Beat Procrastination.

3. Get enough rest I cannot stress enough that sleep is so important for you. It improves your cognitive functioning and also enhances your mood, making it less likely that you’ll get burnt out. Make sure to take power naps, too, if you feel like you need them. 

You also really shouldn’t pull all-nighters. Sleep is also involved in cementing memories in your brain, so if you study a little before you sleep, you’re bound to remember more than if you studied a chapter during an all nighter.

Having trouble sleeping? Here’s a post I made about my night routine and how to get better sleep.

4. Cycle your study environments Your body and mind are bound to get tired from being in the same location for prolonged periods of time. The best way to fix that is to study in different places: at your desk, your backyard, the dining table, a cafe, a friend’s house, the library, etc.You should find a frequency that works for you. I like to switch it up every 2-3 days; some people change locations every week.

5. Eat well As I’ve mentioned before, healthy foods with protein, vitamins, and fiber greatly improve your mood and your physical health. Proper nutrition will give your brain the power it needs to push through. Also make sure not to skip meals; honestly you’ll just end up feeling terrible afterwards.

6. Take frequent breaks Let’s face it, we’re human, we’re bound to get tired from studying for a long time. Taking breaks enables our brains to digest the information we just learned in a pace that works for it. Breaks also help us focus on something other than studying, so that when we do get back to it, we’ll be ready to digest even more information.

7. Set realistic study goals You’re gonna memorize all 500 pages of your biology textbook in one day? Good luck with that. Some of you might be compulsive studiers, but this kind of habit isn’t very good for your brain or your physical health. Studies have shown that excess studying can lead to lower productivity, fatigue, and - you guessed it - burnout. In the end, this will result in lower academic performance, perhaps even in the long run. So instead of trying to study so much in one sitting or one day, break up your material into chunks.

8. Maintain your social life Wherever you lie on the introvert-extrovert spectrum, everyone needs social interaction once in a while. It keeps you sane and healthy. Go out with your friends, have a sleepover, or maybe even a study date.

9. Start the day right What we do in the morning can significantly affect our mood for the rest of the day. Sometimes we don’t even feel like getting up in the morning, or doing anything that day. One thing you should do is create a morning routine you enjoy to jumpstart your day. Here are 8 Morning Habits for Productivity.

10. Think positive When we’re feeling burnt out, it’s hard to not think negatively about everything. In reality, that just makes our condition worse. So think positively! Start small, like congratulating yourself for getting out of bed today, and then work your way up to bigger accomplishments, like finishing 2 chapters of your textbook.

11. Keep a stress diary This is kind of a new concept for me, but it’s really great. How it works is that each day, you would write down all the things that made you stressed and how they made you stressed. This will help you identify the things you’re doing that’s causing your burnout, e.g.

Too long study hours? take regular breaks

Too much time in the same place? cycle your study environment

Not eating properly? set aside time to eat healthy meals at least 2 times a day

Not doing the things you love? schedule in time for that, e.g. during your long breaks

Not getting enough human interaction? make a study group

Too much negative thinking? adopt a positive mindset (you can always start small)

Not getting enough sleep? fix your sleep schedule

And that’s all I have for you guys this time. Hope these tips will help you manage your stress and study burnout whenever you have them. And if you have any questions, don’t hesitate to drop an ask!

P.S. if any of you want to see the images in this post in better quality, click here (link to google drive)