#and i just dont know what makes me happy anymore

[0hnogracie]

I Love You. Im Sorry.

SUMMARY : Angst , no happy ending , heartbreak , mention of y/n

christophersturniolo posted on instagram

liked by y/nburniolo and 67,562 others

hello private account 💜

TAGGED : ameliaroselordi

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USER : what happend to y/n?

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Y/NBURNIOLO : chris?, what is this?

↪️ CHRISTOPHERSTURNIOLO : y/n. I Can explain

NICOLASSTURNIOLO : chris? what the fuck. call me

MATTSTURNIOLO : really? cheating on y/n with a bougie bitch

↪️ Y/NBURNIOLO : Ily matt

USER : this was NOT your private account.

↪️ USER : no shit sherlock

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After seening chris new post on instagram i didnt know how to react. Do i be mad, Sad? Im honestly both right now. He made me look so stupid, Atleast i know the reason hes been ghosting me. For some rip off blonde bitch thats been wanting to be me?. I always choose the wrong guys. I feel like a fucking fool.

INCOMING CALL ‘ Chris 💜 ‘

I pick it up ‘ What Do You Want Chris? ‘ i spoke softly into the microphone waiting for him to start talking. ‘ Y/n You Have To Let Me Explain! ‘ he says quickly ‘ No Chris You Left Me For Some Bougie Bitch. ‘ I say hanging up starting to tear up all over again. I hear my door open ‘ Chris?! What The Fuck Get Out! ‘ i say shouting at him with tears coming down my face

TWO AUGUSTS AGO .

‘ Please Y/n, Im Sorry. Let Me Explain ‘ He spoke softly ‘ Why Chris?, What Is There To Even Explain. ‘ I say sitting back on my bed avoiding any type of eye contact with chris. ‘ Y/n It Was A Honest Mistake. I Promise. ‘

THATS THE WAY LIFE GOES .

‘ Chris.. We Have To Stop Seeing EachOther. We Either Have To Break Up Or Take A Break. ‘ I spoke firmly holding back the tears that im fighting ‘ Y/n We Cant Break Up. ‘ He Says Sounding Hurt But Im Not Gonna Fall For His Tricks Anymore.

I LOVE YOU, IM SORRY.

‘ Please Y/n. I Love You, Im Sorry. ‘ He Spoke confidently sitting down next to me trying to hold my hand. ‘ But You Still Cheated On Me Right? And You Choose The Girl i HATED The Most. ‘ I say pushing his hands away from mine

YOU WERE THE BEST BUT YOU WERE THE WORST

‘ Y/n Just One More Chanc- ‘ I cut him off ‘ No Chris. Leave My House, And Dont Call Or Text me. ‘ I say making my final decision And pointing at the front door giving him a sign for him to actually leave. ‘ Fine. Bye Y/n I Love You ‘

THATS JUST THE WAY LIFE GOES

His i love you sounded so real but maybe im in denial. I hate men, They never know what they want. I feel Like a loser for whatever just happened just now. Its not like chris but maybe its my mind thinking that.

Y/N HAS CHANGED HER INSTA USER ‘0hnoy/n’

0hnoy/n has posted on instagram

Liked by Christophersturniolo and 98,721 others

The “ I love you’s “ that are repeated in my head like a music note.

TAGGED : oliviarodrigo

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USER : Bye y/ns Really pretty 😍

❤️ by 0hnoy/n

OLIVIARODRIGO : Our pumpkins we’re so good 😊!!

↪️ 0HNOY/N : I agree MY FAV ONE GOT MESSED UP.

CHRISTOPHERSTURNIOLO : i meant it

↪️ USER : what does this mean ?

↪️ 0HNOY/N : Idk him

disliked by christophersturniolo

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CHRIS 💜

y/n please talk to me

Y/N 😊❤️

What?

CHRIS 💜

Can we try over?

Y/N 😊❤️

Not a chance chris. Stop texting me or im blocking you.

CHRIS 💜

But!

*a contact has been blocked*

A few months later I made a song called ‘ I love you im sorry ‘ Publishing it. It blew up and i gained more support and followers supporting my music i even gained some fanpages and edits. Until i seen a dm from someone i never wanted to see again.

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A/N : sorry guys deal w that ending cus idk how to end this story AND I LIKE NEVER WRITED BEFORE SO THIS IS KINDA MY FIRST STORY PLS GUVE TIPS OR SMTH THANK U.

[sadstrever]

i’m still 114lbs. i feel sick. yesterday was an awful day, i came home and had an out of body chew and spit session. i wish there was more research on this part of ed’s, or just more people who talked about it because i can’t be alone in this. i refuse to believe i’m the only sick person who does disgusting shit like this. anyways the reason why i call it an out of body experience is because it’s almost like binging-just without all the swallowing of food. i came home and immediately started doing it and filled up 1 and 1/2 2 liter bottles with food. i spent 5 hours doing this without even realizing and pretty much emptied out my whole families fridge. the guilt i felt afterwards was worse than a binge in my opinion. not only did i totally waste SO MUCH food, make a huge mess, ended up with disgusting bottles of mush in my room, i also have to face the consequences of my family coming home to an empty fridge. but when they got home they were happy that i “ate.” god i’m such a fucking piece of shit.

anyways after all that i took 4 laxatives to try and get the guilt of wasting the food out of me. i woke up in the morning today in terrible pain but still had to go to class, cuz what am i supposed to tell my parents? “yeah i haven’t eaten in almost a month and basically just threw all the food we have out in the trash and i also took 4 laxatives, can i please stay home tehe?” so i went to 1 class and ended up leaving because the pain was so excruciating. straight from class i went to the gym and somehow burnt 900 calories because i guess that’s what guilt does to me. i had to take the bus 2 hours home afterwards(bus delays and i went to a new further gym location this time), high out of my mind. i’m home now and my stomach hurts but the laxatives finally did their job. i don’t want to keep doing this. 4 years ago i said i’d recover and then i didn’t. since then i’ve forgotten about recovery (with the exception of a few random moments here and there that i block out immediately), i am so used to living in this fucking misery that i didn’t realize how abnormal my reality is. i don’t want to be a bad person anymore. but i can’t stop lol.

this is what bothers me about the girls who romanticize this disorder SO MUCH, when much of the time they haven’t realized how difficult it can become. i know i’ve done this, even now sometimes as a coping mechanism. but man, i’m sick of it.

i have a friend who writes poetry and she wrote a poem about eating disorders that make me so fucking angry. the thing is, i’ve known her for years and she’s always had the best relationship with food out of most of the people i know. she’s naturally pretty thin(not too thin but normal) and she’s very open about her struggles. i know every single one of her stories, i know she’s diagnosed with adhd. that’s HER disorder, that i don’t understand so i DONT write fucking POETRY about it. a few months ago she kind of forced me into opening up about my eating disorder. after i did, suddenly she started writing these stories about her eating disorder-very very very suspiciously similar to mine. i obviously didn’t tell her everything but i told her about how long this has been going on and just my emotions about it. seeing her start to adapt my fucking disorder into her poetry disgusted me. she glamorized the fuck out of it and made me feel so stupid for ever opening up about it. she’s naturally skinny so she got a bunch of support from our friend group from it and i’m just upset man. i’m sick of living in misery while other people can use the idea of living in pain for attention.

i promised my best friend that in 3 weeks i’ll go back to therapy and try my best to recover. it’s not true. man it’s never fucking true. it’s never fucking over. unlike ms.deep-poetry-girl i can’t just fucking write this and log off and then eat a good warm meal and talk to my parents without them mentioning my body. i can’t wake up tomorrow morning and hug them without worrying that they’re gonna feel my bones. i can’t wear shorts anymore without people noticing the bruises. i can’t go to school and keep my focus because i have nothing to feed my brain. i can’t let anyone get close because soon enough they’ll be just like YOU. OR they’ll hate me for not wanting to get better. i can’t love myself like you do because of the disgusting things i do each day. i can’t wake up thinner and suddenly stop hating myself. FUCK YOUUUUUUUU GOD IM SO SICK OF IT GOD. whatever im done. just sick and tired.

[oh-no-its-bird]

I asked for a trim and my hair dresser gave me a FUCKING PIXIE CUT I'm so genuinley distraught I ended up crying on the train home

Canceling all of my plans next month I can't let anyone I care about see me like this

[puppyeared]

i wrote this as a joke because I wanted to strangle a guy watching tiktoks without headphones on the bus, but im genuinely disturbed that we've gotten to a point where convenience comes first. and it depresses me even more that its used to justify and monetize greed

[lollytea]

I found some pictures of me from 2019 and I'm experiencing such indescribable emotions

[persy-r-bozo]

[iangallagherisadeadman]

post-s11 Tami definitely gets tired of Lip and leaves him.

yes, I do like them as a couple, I think it is an interesting dynamic and that Tami is good for him honestly, even though they lived completely different lives and crash so many times because of it throughout the last seasons.

fact is Lip won't ever change and will keep making the same kind of mistakes and she will get fed up with it eventually. they'll go different ways, maybe keep a somewhat friendly relationship, and she will get a new partner and Lip will have a Sean kind of relationship with Fred: that kid is the most important thing in his whole life and he's constantly hunted by the fear of drinking again and hurting Fred.

[longmaxsilvarg]

will forever have a soft spot for chloe cause yeah dawg i get it we can try to avoid becoming attached out of the overwhelming fear of being abandoned again but miserably fail together

[uygfiug]

sometimes my parents make me want to commit violent crimes

[bunnihearted]

🌙☁️🌌

[tamagotchikgs]

i think for the first time ever in my life i have a Place where i belong, where im safe n maybe actually cared for & that should just make me happy (and it does, oh,h, sosos much) but also. scared. soso scared i am scared i am terrifed

[bulldagger-bait]

When it comes to hygiene tasks and self care with disability and chronic illness, its pretty much a constant case of: don't let perfect be the enemy of the good.

Basically: it's better to do something, than to do nothing at all.

TLDR: Just because you can't do something "properly" doesn't mean you shouldn't do it at all. Do it half-way. Do it shitty. Do it barely. Do it on a technicality. But do what you can. Just try, because doing something will help you.

If you don't have the energy to scrub your body with a sponge, just rub soap over your skin with your hands.

If you don't have the energy to wash your whole body with soap, just hit the places where sweat accumulates, or where you're smelliest.

If you don't have the energy to wash with soap AT ALL, just sitting in water is better than nothing. It will wash away dirt and oils.

If you can't bathe or shower at all, a warm wash cloth is your new best friend. If that's too much, then try bath wipes. They're a bit bigger than regular wet wipes, and a bit more heavy duty. They're designed to help keep bed ridden patients clean in hospitals.

If you don't have the energy to dry yourself after a bath or a shower, just put on a bathrobe and get into bed. If you don't have the energy to get dressed afterwards, just don't. It can wait until you can.

If you don't have energy to brush your teeth for two minutes, honestly, just a cursory scrub is better than not doing anything.

If you can't brush your teeth twice a day, brush in the evenings. It will help take away the build up of food from the day.

If you don't have the energy to brush AT ALL, honestly, just take a cloth and wipe the plaque off your teeth. Rinse with mouth wash after if you'd like. Something is always better than nothing.

If you can't floss twice a day. Try once. If that's too much, try a few times a week. If that's too much, try setting aside a day once a week as a goal. If you can't keep a schedule, do it when you're able to. Hell, I keep some floss next to my bed so that if I forget and don't have the energy to go get it, I can just reach over.

If you can't iron your clothes, don't bother. Wrinkles are fine. Wear jumpers over wrinkly t-shirts. No one will know, and honestly, most people won't even care. If it's really wrinkly and it's A Big Deal And It Needs To Be Ironed, here's my life hack. Step 1: take a spray bottle, and spritz the item of clothing (while you're wearing it is easiest) until it's lightly damp. Step 2: use a hair-dryer on the clothes until they're dry. It gets rid of creases like nobody's business, it's easier than lugging out the iron and ironing board, and you get to have nice toasty warm clothes afterwards.

If you can't fold your clothes, try just hanging them up. It's less commitment. It's quicker to do. Granted, you need to have the space in order to do this, but it is also good at helping you downsize, and lets you visualise exactly what you have.

If you can't put your clothes away, invest in a couple of laundry baskets, and then just keep your clean clothes in the baskets. You can then separate washed clothes into underwear, pants, and shirts baskets. You can just leave them like that. I'm giving you permission to never fold your laundry again if you can't. Just leave it unfolded. Who's going to care? Something is better than nothing. If you can, try to put those baskets into your closet so that you can keep the clutter out of sight, and give yourself a more restful environment.

If you can't separate your clothing out into different categories and wash them "properly" (whites, warm tones, cool tones, darks, delicates / switching between hot & cold washes / paying attention to laundry instructions on the label) then just don't worry about it. If you cold wash your clothes, colours won't bleed. Maybe gradually over the course of dozens of washes there'll be some changes in hue, but it's really not as high stakes as the One Red Sock In The Whites Turns Them Pink trope makes it out to be.

I've pretty much come to the point in my life where if a piece of clothing can't survive the washer and dryer, then it's just not meant to be. I colour separate my clothes, and if I have the energy/remember I'll take my bras and jumpers out of the washing machine to drip dry. But otherwise, I leave it to the universe.

If you can't separate out your recycling, then don't. If you have a large amount of rubbish you need to get rid of but the idea of separating it out properly is stopping you from doing so, then just don't worry about it. I know it's not ideal, but if you have garbage in your room/house and you need to get rid of it, please just get rid of it. Don't let the problem get bigger and harder to deal with. Don't let "doing something properly" get in the way of keeping your living spaces clean. Please. Give yourself understanding.

If you can't wash your dishes, get paper plates. Obviously, it's not ideal, but it is better that you eat food than skipping meals. It is better that you have a clean kitchen, rather than having dishes piling up and making it harder to look after yourself.

If you can't prepare meals for yourself keep making the tasks easier and easier. If you can't do recipes, then simplify. Use pasta sauce from the jar instead of making it. Eat canned soup. Buy food you can just stick in the oven. If you eat fish fingers and microwave veggies every night, it's better than not eating anything at all. It's better than having to fork out money on take-out. If you need ready-made meals, then get them. If you're literally just eating a raw cauliflower for dinner; 1) I see you, 2) me too, sis, 3) something is better than nothing.

These are the basic things you need to do every day to function as a person. They are your activities of daily living. Brushing your teeth. Bathing or showering. Using the bathroom. Getting dressed. Eating. Drinking. Sleeping. Keeping your environment clean. You don't need to do these things perfectly, but they need to happen in order for you to have a decent quality of life.

And it breaks my heart, because I know that so many disabled people can't do these things every day. I'm not saying this to guilt or judge, I'm saying that these are basic needs; you deserve these things. These things bring dignity. If a disabled person is unable to do these things, it diminishes their quality of life. It robs them of dignity.

If you need help to do these things, Its okay to ask for help. It's okay to need help. But if you can't get that help and you have to do these things by yourself -- or you just plain want to be independent and do it without help-- then don't hold yourself to standards you can't meet.

Don't let perfect be the enemy of the good. Doing something is always better than doing nothing. Even if it's not perfect. Even if it's not done well. Do what you can.

[saeshiraw]

tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry

[quietwingsinthesky]

at some point i am going to have to force even to go back and deal with donna & tentoo & rose & all and everything they ran away from. and that will probably involve them losing tentoo’s chameleon arch watch by giving it back to its rightful owner, whether she chooses to open it or not. and that is. not going to be a very fun or stable time for them.

[eirian]

just wanted to share this vid again bc like. i am STILL obsessed w it to this day. i think about it so often

it was a speedpaint for a commission by the incredible @kiwi ... honestly my favorite commission ever. tbh. the way turnis and calabris are rendered is just. perfection, i cant stop looking. kiwi if u see this if i could commission u a thousand times over i would bc holy shit dude this brought me so much joy and continues to bring me joy even now

[blupengu]

Y’all is Hollow Knight hard or do I just suck because oh my god??