#and i keep reconnecting and disconnecting

[nyaskitten]

I hate the stupid fucking cunts who manage Xfinity I'm not sorry. Why the fuck are you always screwing everyone over with disgusting fucking prices??? We had to drop cable COMPLETELY a few months ago just so we weren't as overcharged, and this cuntfuck of a company decides to continue being shit, and continue overcharging??? Actually go to hell.

[onedragonaday]

2/8/24 Cockatrice from English Myth

[natandacat]

This is a desperate plea from me: if you are not particularly computer literate, PLEASE do not use Linux. I am begging you. Why would you even do that if you can't effectively look up how to install a basic program on Linux. Why.

[localchangeling]

Genuinely feel like crying because I want to learn basket weaving and beading and there's a studio that has workshops on both of these, taught by Indigenous instructors, and each one is different than another because they'll be different traditions from different tribes and such and I just want to do it so badly but I can't afford it

[ashtonisvibing]

banging my head against the wall why is my laptop or wifi so fucking slow???

[mercyofempty]

starting a challenge called ps4 controller its where my ps4 controller stays connected to my pc for more than 5 minutes

[midnighticee]

working from home today and ive been fighting this vpn from the station for HOURS now

[russo-woso]

Hot shots | Mary Earps x Russo!reader

Warning vomiting, think that’s it

“Mary, you’re not actually gonna make us do it are you?” You asked your fiancé, Mary, as you sat down on her bed with your sister and Maya.

“Of course I am, babe. It’s good for us.” Mary explained and you shook your head at her.

“I can’t believe this. I hate you. I really do.” You said, lying through your teeth.

How could you ever hate Mary? How could anyone hate Mary?

“That’s a lie!” Mary exclaimed, as she set up her phone.

“I know. I could never hate you.” You told her, resting a hand on her back once she’d sat down next to you.

She threw her arm over your shoulder and pressed a kiss to your lips.

“Stop it.” Alessia complained, pushing you off Mary. “You two can’t go one minute without your lips touching! It’s disgusting.”

“Less, let me kiss my girl.” Mary told her, reconnecting her lips with yours.

“Your girl is also my sister and I don’t like it when you eat her face off. As much as I hate her sometimes, I would still quite like it if she had a face.”

Instead of obeying to Alessia, you and Mary looked at her before reconnecting your lips.

“My god, you two are like teenagers! You can’t go a minutes without your lips on each others.” Alessia exclaimed, diving in the middle of you both to disconnect your lips.

“Fine, fine, let’s just start the video.” You said, much to Mary’s dismay, who wanted another kiss. “You’ve got all night to kiss me.” You whispered in her ear and a smile appeared on her face.

Mary leaned forward to start the video and you nearly fell off the bed, sending Maya into a fit of laughter.

As Mary sat back on the bed, Maya still laughing, she wrapped her arms around all three of you and began talking to her phone.

“Right. Hello, everyone. We’ve got a challenge for me, Maya, Alessia, and my gorgeous fiance, Y/N, today.” Mary began, introducing you all.

“You just had to get that in, didn’t you?” You asked her, rolling your eyes.

“Of course I did, everyone needs to know that you’re mine. Anyway, It’s a weird one today. Hot shots, like the hot shots we are.” Mary continued, and started to open the packaging, handing you each one bottle.

“What’s in them?” Alessia questioned, curiously looking at the bottle.

“Why don’t you do a presentation?” Mary suggested.

“Have you kept them in the fridge?” Alessia asked, laughing as she shook her bottle.

“She has. They’ve been taking up our whole mini fridge.” You said, shaking your head at Mary.

“Orange, lemon, ginger, turmeric, and cayenne.” Alessia called out, naming the ingredients in it.

After a conversation about how to say turmeric, it was time to try them.

“Right, rumour on the street has it, it’s got to be down in one.” Mary told us

“Mary, that’s too big to do it in one. Look, it’s 100mls.” You pointed out the obvious, turning your bottle to show her.

“I can smell that from here.” Maya said, smelling the strong scent from Mary’s bottle.

“You can’t say that because Alessia eats with her nose cause she’s a weirdo. She’s done it since she was little. I mean, who eats with their nose?” You said, purposefully trying to wind your sister up.

“Shut up, Y/N, it’s not my fault.” Alessia whined, nudging her shoulder, roughly, with hers.

“Right girls, to good health. Down the hatch.”

You all clinked bottles with one another before preparing to drink it.

“I’m not doing it all in one.” Alessia stated, you nodding in agreement.

“No, we’ve got to go for it. You both got to do at least half.” Mary compromised and you and Alessia nodded, agreeing to do at least half.

“You just need to keep swallowing.” Maya suggested and you took a deep breath, preparing for the vile taste to take over your mouth.

“3, 2, 1, go.” Mary counted down and one she finished, you all started drinking it.

You took one sip, before sprinting off to the bathroom, spitting it out.

You heard Maya and Alessia laughing as you rinsed your mouth out with water.

Mary quickly followed you, making sure you were okay.

Once you’d washed your mouth, you made your way back out and into the room.

“That was fucking vile.” You exclaimed and sat on the bed. “How did you finish yours? I’d be sick if I had anymore.” You asked Maya and your fiance as you noticed their empty bottles.

Alessia on the other hand, had a half full bottle in her hand, clearly only having a sip or two missing from it.

“Do you want the rest of mine?” Alessia offered Mary and Maya, pulling a face in disgust.

“Come on, baby, can you not just have another sip?” Mary asked you, and you shook your head straight away.

“I’m gonna be sick if I have anymore. That was the worst thing I’ve ever drank.” You stated and Mary laughed before resting a hand on your lower back, rubbing it in circles.

“Come on, Less, you’ve got to finish it.” Mary encouraged Alessia, whose jaw had fallen to the floor.

“So I have to finish mine, but as soon as Y/N says she can’t finish hers it’s okay?” Alessia asked, and Mary nodded.

“Of course, I’m not having a sick girlfriend.” Mary said and you nuzzled your head on her shoulder, smirking cheekily at Alessia.

“This is so unfair.”

“You alright there, Maya?” You asked the young girl who was searching frantically for a drink.

“Maya, tell the camera what you think.” Mary suggested and Maya sat down on the bed.

“It went up my nose when I started laughing. Because your…” Maya made a gulping sound which made you giggle. “…was really loud.”

“My gulp?” Mary fell back in laughter, pulling you down with her. “I quite liked it. I didn’t find it spicy.”

“I can feel it in my throat.” You told them and Alessia hummed in agreement.

“I can too. Like just there.” Alessia agreed, pointing to her throat.

“That wasn’t bad.” Maya stated as you clapped your hands in front of Alessia’s face, startling her because she was completely zoned out.

Alessia punched your arm, and you whimpered in pain, gathering Mary’s attention.

“Alessia, don’t punch her.” Mary lectured less as you run your arm in pain.

“She started it.” Alessia fired back, sending you glares. If looks could kill, you’d be on the floor dead.

“I thought that was quite easy. Challenge complete, no? I think you two failed because you haven’t finished yours. Clearly russos aren’t good with hot shots. It’s a good thing you’ll be an Earps soon.” Mary changed the subject otherwise you and Alessia would have kept arguing.

“I can’t wait to be an Earps.” You whispered, mainly to Mary as she looked down at you smiling before pressing your lips on hers.

As much as you loved kissing Mary, it being one of your favourite things to do, this time was different.

All you could taste was the drink on Mary’s lips and tongue.

“I’m gonna throw up.” You managed to get out as you ran to the bathroom once more, throwing your head in the toilet.

Mary came and rubbed your back, comforting you.

“Fuck. I’m never having one of them again.” You told Mary as you leant your back against the wall.

“You alright, sis?” Alessia asked, genuinely concerned, a whole juxtaposition to how she normally is.

“Yeah, I’m alright. I’m traumatised of kissing Mary again now.” You said, lying a bit just to see Mary’s reaction.

“What? You don’t want to kiss me again? Nope. I’m not having that.” Mary panicked, immediately grabbing her toothbrush and toothpaste to wash her mouth.

“Baby, I’m joking. Calm down.” You rested a hand on Mary’s cheek, rubbing it.

“I really want to kiss you.” Mary announced and you sent her a sympathetic smile.

“Brush your teeth and then you can.”

“Oh my god. You’ve just kissed her and now you want to kiss her again. I swear to god, you’re gonna have no face by the time you get married. Do you know what? I’m gonna go call Luca. At least he’ll talk to me without someone kissing him, unlike you. I’m his favourite sister as well so I know he’ll pick up.” Alessia said, grabbing her phone and began to walk out.

“Less?” You called out and she turned to face you. “Sorry to tell you but Luca’s told me I’m his favourite.”

“Go away, Y/N.” Alessia snapped, slamming the door behind her.

Mary had erratically brushed her teeth, immediately bringing you in for a passionate kiss as soon as she had finished.

Her hands roamed your body and landed on the hem of your shirt playing with it before sliding up and over your head, your lips parting for a second before connecting again.

Mary picked you up, your legs wrapping round her hips as she attacked your neck, light moans leaving your lips.

She began walking into the bedroom but your body tensed as you looked at it.

Mary felt your body tense up and stopped kissing your neck to look up at you.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Mary asked, her eyes following your gaze as hers widened.

Maya was laid on the bed, watching tv with a smile on her face, knowing exactly what she was doing.

“Maya, you fucking cockblock!”

[princeoftheeternalbog]

Presenting a Laois fic for consideration☝️

I just think he's neat- also tell me if the dialogue is confusing cos i can totally colour code it for you guys🫶

Anyways here you go

-

His hands are shaking.

"Just- Are you sure-"

"Yes"

"But I could go get Falin, she's here now and she's more skilled so-"

"Laois if you say that one more time I'm going to whack you"

He nods jerkily, cheeks slightly flushed, eyes a little bit glazed over but gaze still fixed on your face.

"Sorry"

"It's okay"

His hands finally move to cup your face. His shoulders seem to slump slightly, like just the act of touching you allows him to relax. A thumb sweeps gently under your eye, brushing away a stray eyelash.

You can feel the temperature between you rising. Your heart thrums in your chest like a hummingbird, he's so close you can feel his chest move as he breathes.

His right hand moves up, to the gash on your forehead, he presses lightly but you still hiss, the sting radiating throughout your skull.

"Sorry-"

"Just focus on the healing part"

"Right right"

He closes his eyes.

You can feel him connecting to your mana, it almost feels like holding hands if it were an intangible cosmic emotion. His own mana feels warm and silky, like liquid sun in your veins, as it intertwines with your own for a moment.

You shudder.

"Almost there"

He probably mistook that for discomfort but it couldn't be further from the truth.

The warm feeling spreads until you actually feel physical heat on your wound as it stitches itself back together. It's weird, being able to feel your tissue reconnecting in ways that usually takes at least a few days.

He moves his hand away to look and then smiles brightly.

"It worked!"

"Oh did it? It still feels a bit weird"

His brow furrows in concern,

"Weird how?"

"I don't know...but it kinda feels like..."

"Like what-"

His voice is starting to sound a bit panicky now and you feel almost bad. Almost.

"It kinda feels like you might need to kiss it better"

You can see his mouth drop open slightly as blood rushes to his face, cheeks going pink and splotchy.

His mouth opens and shuts but no sound comes out and you can't help the little giggle at his demeanour. He's usually so calm and so so oblivious, to see him actually get flustered well... it makes you feel even more confident.

The giggle starts to morph into a full laugh when his face sets into a determined expression, still pink,

"Okay"

"Wha-"

You barely have time to react when he presses his mouth to yours. His lips are slightly chapped but you're sure yours are worse, it's not exactly like you're doing spa treatments down here. Regardless of chap level, he kisses so softly and reverently, like you're the most precious thing he's ever touched. His hands move to your back to steady you as he leans into your space, smooth and sure.

He sighs sweetly against your mouth, gently leading the kiss as it gets a bit heavier. One of his hands has settled at the small of your back, the other arm practically pulling you into his lap with how much of it is curled around your upper back. Your hands have come to rest on his shoulders to keep your balance as you slide closer to him and further off your own chair.

The need to breathe becomes apparent all too quickly and you both disconnect, chests heaving in sync. You don't go far, keeping your face close enough you're essentially breathing the same air.

"Does it feel better now?"

"Huh"

You still feel slightly dazed, the rush of the kiss making you feel like your brain like melted honey.

"Your head. Does it feel better?"

He's grinning a little at you, almost smug but more sweet then anything.

"Mm might need another"

His smile is so giddy as he leans back in.

[subbypeterparker]

ppl don't talk abt the hook in hazels nose enough for me .. esp in the scenes at the huntingdon game.. u picking up what i'm putting down?! 🪑🪑🪑

…have you been reading my mind???? (that little bump is the only thing rattling inside my brain)

something about that bump in her nose, so perfectly arched, simply begging for someone to sit on it. and who are you to deny yourself of that?

neither could Hazel, which is how you ended up on her bed, class work long since forgotten beside you both. her lips move quickly against yours, warm hands holding your face closer to her. she’s straddling your hips, while you lay underneath her, propped up on your elbows.

suddenly your hands dig into her hips, pushing her so she’s laying down comfortably on her pillows, and your hips are now pinning hers down. she grins against your lips, never one to dispute you being on top of her.

you disconnect your lips for a brief moment, allowing you and Hazel to catch your breaths, smiles adorned both of your mouths. she notices the way your gaze falls down to her perfect nose, and when your eyes flash up to her blue ones, she knows exactly what she needs you to do.

“fuck-sit your pussy on my face babe, i need it…” Hazel lets out shyly.

your jaw drops slightly at her words, never expecting her to have been so forward about asking you what to do. and fuck, was it making you wet.

a grin forms on your lips, and Hazels chest begins to rise and fall faster at this look on your face. you lean back down to reconnect your lips to hers, hands reaching up to harshly grab her face, pushing her lips to work against yours.

“i’m gonna cum all over your face Hazel, absolutely suffocate you,” you’re both giggling into each others mouths at your words, her hands grabbing at your thighs to undo the button of your jeans. her nimble hands are so soft and gentle as she helps you take them off, leaving you in your damp panties and a tank top. you’re not wearing a bra, a d your nipples are piercing the thin material, showing Hazel how eager you are for her.

“god you’re a sight for sore eyes,” her own eyes are dilated, watching as you move your panty-covered cunt over her stomach.

“yeah? talking about yourself?” you tease, sending her a small wink, settling down so you’re resting on her toned body.

you let out a small moan when you feel her abs flex under your covered clit, and gasp out suddenly. she’s thrusting her hips up slightly, both jolting your clit, and pushing you higher up her chest, leading you right where she needs you.

you tear your tank top and panties off of you, leaving you completely naked for Hazel, pussy dripping just for her. she licks her lips, eyeing your cunt that’s so wet and messy, just the way she likes it. you look her in the eye when you hover your pussy over her nose, asking for her permission one last time.

you can’t even let a word out, before her arms wrap around your thighs, forcing you onto her face, letting out a loud moan when she tastes your slick on her tongue.

Hazel sees you throw your head back when her tongue circles your clit, and grins against your pussy that’s almost crying for her from how wet you are. your hands paw at your own tits, pulling softly on your nipples.

her eyes close, breathing in your scent and taste when your hips beging circling on their own as you ride her tongue. your clit is bumping against her nose, sliding up at down it, that damn bump stimulating you in a way that has your thighs clenching around her head.

“god Hazel, keep going,” you let out, sentence nearly ruined by a moan when her tongue dips into your hole for a second.

“don’t plan on stopping baby,” she smiles up at you from between your thighs, nose bumping against your clit.

your hands reach down to grip onto her brown locks, pulling her face closer to where you’re soaking. Hazel lets out more moans than you at the feeling of her hair being tugged, another sign that she’s making you feel good.

you can’t help your hips from bucking upwards when her tongue circles your hole, starting to thrust in and out while you pull her hair to keep her head steady so you can ride her face. your poor clit is jutting against her nose, giving you that much needed push you closer to your orgasm.

“Hazel..i’m gonna cum, i can’t hold on just -uhhhh- keep going,” you whimper out, head thrown back again when you clench around her tongue.

her head moves in synch with your hips, trying to bring you to your first orgasm of the night. your thighs are closing in so firmly around her face, and you’d almost be scared for your girlfriend’s lack of oxygen, but you look down and see her dazed eyes solely focused on her tongue inside your pussy, which has been dripping down her face the whole time.

her hips are bucking into the air, her own pussy clothed and neglected, her only goal is making you cum as many times as she can on her face. because god, never did she think someone would want to actually sit on her nose.

with a final lick on your pussy, and a bumping of her nose on your clit, you cum with a shout of Hazel’s name, and a harsh tug of her hair. your cum drips from your pussy, onto Hazels tongue, which hasn’t stopped its movements to ride you through your orgasm.

your hips still, breaths coming out slower as you finish coming down from your high, looking down at Hazel. her normally alert eyes are hazy, definitely pussy drunk as they flicker between your fucked out face above her, or your pussy that’s still fluttering, now empty and missing her tongue.

“that’s it baby, you did so good,” she praises, closing her eyes momentarily.

you slowly climb off her, slightly embarrassed when you notice how wet you made her face. her nose, mouth, chin, and even neck are dripping with your cum and slick, but all you can really pay attention to is the smile she wears on her lips.

you settle for sitting back on her abs, slightly grinding your overstimulated clit on her muscles. your hands are still carding through her soft hair, running your hands through the strands to soothe any pain caused when you were pulling.

“if you ever wanted to do something like that again…just know i’d totally be into that,” she’s already back to joking, eyes sliding shut at your soft fingers massaging her head.

“mmm, i’m definitely taking that suggestion, but for now baby, i think it’s time i pay you back. hmm?” your hand slides down her chest and stomach, muscles flexing underneath them, until your hands reach the waistband of her pants, fingers reaching down until they’re toying with her panties.

“maybe this time, you can sit on my face.”

god bless Hazel Callahan, and her fucking sexy nose.

[a-d-nox]

pac: what awaits you at the end of the rainbow and how can you follow the path to abundance?

take what resonates leave what doesn't - nothing is 100% for you because these aren't personalized so please no angry comments or dms about what i am saying not being a good fit for you or that you "don't claim" just keep scrolling if that is the case. be kind, self reflect, and have fun.

last pac/pap: how to promote self-love going forward

want a personal reading? click here to check out my reading options and prices!

pile 1

it is not the time for you to receive your riches. don't wander in the direction of hope or "wishful thinking" - there is fool's gold waiting for you there. you are hesitant for a good reason - trust your gut. when things seem more certain, then take a chance. i also sense that you aren't ready to release old splendor to make room for new riches. change is scary but is well worth it - you just have to let go of what is no longer meant for you so you have the space for new things. trust the universe and yourself to bring you what you need. the universe is waiting for you to be more satisfied with your present situation before it offers you new abundance - you keep thinking about what you once had - stop doing that. stop waiting for your outer circumstances to change and change your inner ones.

put energy towards noticing signs from the universe so that you can release yourself from the old things that no longer serve you. accept your spiritual gifts, move on from past pains, and embrace new found awareness.

pile 2

the universe is delaying your security - feel like you have a big goal in mind and that you are faced with obstacle after obstacle. you are disconnected from the world around you. you have an opportunity upcoming in the form of riches to be found. be patient and listen to your heart throughout the process. this is a time to have hope and to be on your best behavior - release toxicity and unhealthy habits. know that sometimes the unpopular opinion is the best one to have. don't doubt yourself - you are about to reach your goal. the universe is just testing you before giving you what you desire most. patience is your friend - tune into you intuition to figure out what this is.

whatever you do, don't avoid anything at present. procrastination will only delay you in receiving your good fortune. try new things and face the inevitability of change. accept your feelings of being uncomfortable - trust that you are on the right path to receive your riches.

pile 3

you are about to be released from financial challenges and burdens. trust the universe and stop fearing the potential of slipping back into a situation in which you could face hardships. have faith that your situation is changing. fate is leading you towards something very important - you are moving from a painful cycle into a more harmonious one. trust that there is rebirth awaiting you with all new people and a brand new situation. the universe is just waiting for you to love yourself and for you to let others help and appreciate you. accept the gifts that are brought to you - stop trying to force situations to be what they are not. no one is trying to make you owe them unless they are outright saying that. the chance to reconnect with nature and to bloom is right at your finger tips; you just have to accept it.

your gratitude for what you have will keep you on the path of abundance. redecorate, renovate, reallocate, etc. spend time relaxing and appreciating what you have and the potential of what it could become. focus on what brings you peace and happiness, and the universe will be sure to bring you more of it.

[kaihuntrr]

A bunch of Scott designs I did for warmups <3 using my personal head canons for each one! Explanations for their looks and ‘names’ down below!

Life Series: Scott!

I love all of them so much,, I wanted to keep their outfits and general vibes simple, they’re all pretty but also some practicality in their wardrobes as they are in some type of survival game ehe.

3rd Life: Poppy

Self explanatory name, this version of Scott is the sweetest and the most disconnected from the survival games. He only wanted to live with his husband in their little paradise in forms of flower valleys and endless wheat fields, completely isolated from the war. His outfit is of a gardener, overalls and a sunhat with his and Jimmy’s favorite flower; poppies. He grew out his hair and ties it, not wanting it to be in the way of his work. He is overly protective of his husband, wanting to keep him safe and away from danger for as much as he possibly can. A widow’s rage is something else.

I imagine 3rd Life designs to be more humanoid, so Scott here is an elf! This soul of his moved on to Empires, where he spends the rest of his days with his husband in sweet bliss.

Last Life: Star

Earned the name after being victorious in the game of betrayal. A guiding star to others, he keeps the titular mark on his forehead for the remainder of his time in the Life Series due to being a winner, a reminder of him losing his final life to a lightning bolt. He is the most cunning, using his wits and trust to be a strong ally. He lived in the center of all the chaos with his partner, his best friend Pearl, using little moths to communicate to each other. With sheltered forests and a cottage as their ‘home’, he has deer-like features and antlers to boot. Perhaps this was an attempt to recreate a copy of Poppy, as he has some memories of ‘his’ previous life. He dresses in a neat dress shirt and vest, matching with his best friend and fitting the aesthetic of their pretty house in the woods. Just don’t touch the wall, please.

I wanted to use yellows for this design, as he starts off with two lives! Plus, the contrast looks so good <3 this soul is the host of future life seasons, having full clarity of this life when he goes into future events. Once a series is over, all precious memories will wash over him and the star will hover over his head. This is his ‘real’ form, his ‘winning’ soul.

Double Life: Venus

Named after the brightest ‘star’ next to the moon, he feels isolated. He felt something familiar as he was brought into this life, but he never expected to be connected to Pearl. He shouldn’t blame her, but he doesn’t deal well with being alone. Somehow, he still has a brief memory of Poppy’s as he feels.. something when Jimmy’s soulbound isn’t with him. He loves being with Cleo, his chosen soulmate, and being Pearl’s soulbound meant he could feel her frustration and loneliness. Should he have been there for her? Likely. He couldn’t bare seeing her face again. He couldn’t bare losing her again. Not again. Maybe it was better this way, they’re both hurting. He hopes this is better.

I used green as he was green in his iconic and heartbreaking moment of splitting off with Pearl and Martyn to join up with Cleo, and also I can remember him being mostly green until Pearl ups and ruins that- he’s a ram, his horns shifting to ram horns to solidify his stubborn nature to reconnect, and a general ranch aesthetic given he and Cleo made a whole soulmate ranch thing. The hair over his eyes are to hide his teary eyes, still missing and hurting over his soulmate.

Limited Life: Coral

A fitting name for the person who established the Coral Isles. The cottage was in the middle of it all, so he wanted his life to be away from all the drama, just by the side of the map near the ocean to relax. Unfortunately, things just won’t stop coming for him. Be it being the boogeyman first, allying with someone who you swore was supposed to kill you, and more memories of your past life you don’t understand coming back to haunt you, it’s a little too much. He can’t help but be flirty with Martyn though, the man definitely bites back. He finds his partner’s overprotective-ness rather adorable, and he’d do anything for him back, even give him time.

Fish!! Drastically different than my AU design, which is good- used his red skin as he did wonderfully as a red name and whenever I think of Limited Life I’d always think of Red Scott, which I adore <3 he does have long hair, can’t not have his long hair for him!

Until series five comes out, these are my thoughts and ideas for Life Series Scott! I’d love to write out possible interaction ideas but I’m afraid this post might be too long LMAO- a good break from Sea Prince content, but I absolutely adore the life series and the pseudo-story I have for this guy in particular. Who knows, you might see fullbodies of them in the future? :D no promises!

[thewolvesof1998]

untitled by me (thewolvesof1998)

I wrote this years ago but I still like the imagery so hope you enjoy.

Alt text:

The first photo contains the poem in grey text on a white background:

Hands connect. Fingers thread together like a needle through two different fabrics that seem to disconnect. But we know as we sow that the mismatched patchwork quilt will keep us warm tonight. Hands disconnect. fingers untwine like fraying threads on your favourite pair of jeans. Distance stretching out across skin yearning to reconnect. But we know that by tomorrow that our quilt will not keep us warm when daylight and frostbite gnaw at our fingers.

The second photo is of a draft of the first two stanzas of the poem above, handwritten in a notebook:

Hands connect fingers thread together like a needle through two different fabrics that seem to, disconnect clash, jar but we know as we sow that the mismatch patchwork quilt will keep us warm at night

With edits that include:

move the word 'disconnect' to the line below

tricolon needs work in reference to 'disconnect, clash and jar'

an arrow to move a line up to the one above in reference to 'patchwork quilt' moving to be along side 'that the mismatch'

circled the words 'At night' with the suggested change to tonight or full stop.

At the bottom of the page is two basic drawings of hands holding and a write note that says: "I was never good at drawing hands."

tagging some people who might be interested (feel free to ignore):

@wikiangela @wildlife4life @eddiebabygirldiaz @spotsandsocks @try-set-me-on-fire @jesuisici33 @loserdiaz @bekkachaos @buddierights @malewifediaz @911-on-abc @hippolotamus @evanito @chaoticgremlinwholikescheese @spagheddiediaz @your-catfish-friend @exhuastedpigeon @911onabc @shitouttabuck @daffi-990 @disasterbuckdiaz @bigsistersyndrome @fortheloveofbuddie @steadfastsaturnsrings @mangacat201 @theotherbuckley  @hoodie-buck @eowon @rainbow-nerdss @ladydorian05 @watchyourbuck @king-buckley @buckleyobsessed @pirrusstuff @evanbegins @smilingbuckley @giddyupbuck @nmcggg @carrierofthepaperclips @jeeyuns @thosetwofirefighters @monsterrae1 @singlethread @devirnis @puppyboybuckley @diazsdimples @shortsighted-owl @ronordmann @princehattric @spaceprincessem

[imaginaryf1shots]

My Girls (|V) | Max Verstappen

Words count: 5K

Driver!oc X Max Verstappen

Platonic!Driver!oc X the grid

Summery: Cecilia Hansson daughter of a Swedish billionaire, a race car driver, with a dream of making it big in Formula 1. However she has a few secrets that may hurt her as women are disliked in the sport.

Series Warnings: google translated french, dutch, cursing, child abandment, absent father, drinking, car accidents, Jos Verstappen, misogyny, Christian horner (tell me if i missed anything)

A/N: This is a secondary blog so I won't be able to respond but I'm adding you all, just send it in the ask me anything if I missed ou by mistake.

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

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Winter love

Finally it’s the end of the year break, a couple of months to have fun and let loose, I mean have fun before Covid hits, but no one knows about that yet. 

Lando was back in the UK and he kept asking Cecilia to get on the sim for them to race a little in the F1 2019 game. 

Lando(on call)

Come on Cece, why won’t you just get on for a little race?

Cecilia

Lando, I swear to god how many times do I have to tell you that I have a daughter who I haven’t spent-

Lando/Cecilia

Much time with her and like to spend some-

Cecilia

You’re an asshole 

They laughed as she shook her head at his antics, to her Lando felt like the little brother she never had.

Lando

Come on, she sleeps at what? 8?

Cecilia 

half past seven

Lando

See, besides you need to keep up your hard work, just because you came 5th in the championship and won Rookie of the year doesn’t mean you can slack off.

Cecilia 

Piss off Norris, we just finished last week

Lando

So while everyone is slacking you should be having fun with me, we haven’t done a race in a long time

Cecilia 

Fine, I’ll text you when I put Nattie to bed

Lando

Cool, now let me talk to my niece, I miss her

Cecilia 

I don’t understand you

Lando

You don't have to

Switching to facetime, Lando talked with Nattie for a while before she had to eat.

True to her words that night Cecilia put Nattie to bed, she read her a story and sang her a song, Nattie fell asleep hugging Cecilia and it took everything for her to leave her asleep and not just spend the night in her daughter’s bed.

She texted Lando that she’ll be ready in a couple minutes. Lando got excited and texted her that he’s ready. Turning on her PS5, she got ready and had discord open on her laptop next to her, it seemed like Lando forgot to tell her that they weren’t going to be the only ones, he had some of his friends and Alex as well, she didn’t really mind, she’s met Lando’s friends in the passing before when they came to the paddock. 

Everything was going great, they chose the track, who they’d be playing as, Cecilia of course chose herself. But you can’t have everything, not evening a nice game with your friends.

“Cecilia what the fuck?” Lando shouted down the microphone, his voice hurting her ear, her car stopped and wouldn’t move, making him crash into her, they lost their P3 and P2. as their friends laughed and passed them.

“I’m sorry, I don't know what’s going on!” She tried to make her car move but nothing she did made her car move. “I think my paddles are disconnected, I’ll try to reconnect them, you guys continue without me, I’ll join the next round.”

She tried everything she could, connecting and disconnecting, plugging in and out she even restarted her PS5, but nothing seemed to work.

“Something is wrong with my simulator, it’s not working.” Cecilia sounded stressed, she stood back looking at her setup. 

“You’re not backing out to spend time with your family are you?” Alex teased her, she knew he meant Nathalie but with Lando’s friends he was careful.

“No, I think I’m the only one awake, it’s not working, the game won’t turn on anymore, I’m getting stressed.” Cecilia said, and logged off not long after, there’s nothing more she can do at the moment.

Apparently she had to get a new one, she had someone come take a look at it, and she had to order a new one, and who knew how long it’ll take for that to happen. When the pandemic hit, she knew there would be no way she'd get her sim for a long time, which was bad for her, not because she couldn't play with her friends, but because it’s something that kept her in a racing mood, and kept her skills sharp in the down season. So she found herself texting Charles to ask him if she could come by sometimes to get on the sim, but he was quarantining with Charlotte and they met with their separate families, which would make it harder for her, since she didn’t want to really get in contact with too many people, so she turned to Max, the only other driver she had in mind. Lewis was in the UK with his family and there wasn’t an abundance of Drivers she was close to who were in Monaco at the moment. 

Setting up time with Max was easy since they were quarenting and there wasn't much anyone could do, with her mask on and a short drive later Cecilia made it to Max’s house, she’s never been there before. Walking in she didn't know what to expect, but he had set up his house pretty nicely. 

“Thank you so much Max.” Cecilia thanked Max after greeting him with a hug.

“Hey, I'm happy to help a rival out.” He poked at her, she knew at this point they were more friends than anything else, but still they’ve never really been alone before. So that made her a little nervous, seeing Max in his casual clothes and not his team kit made them distance themselves from their work. For her standing there, they were just two friends. 

“I think we’re past that.” She placed her clammy hands in the back pockets of her jeans awkwardly. 

“I agree, do you want something to drink?” Mask asked and led her through his penthouse and to the kitchen.

“It’s okay, thank you.”

“So what happened with your simulator?” Max asked and took out a tea box and waved it for Cecilia to see, she gave him a nod and he started the kittle.

“I have no idea, I was mid game with Lando and some other people, and suddenly mid race everything stopped working, I tried everything and nothing worked.” She explained leaning onto the island to watch him, he moved around with ease taking out tea cups and sitting the tea bags in. “Dad called someone in to check it out before lockdown and I just couldn't get it in before then.”

“That's weird.”

“It is what it is, I guess we get to hang out now because of it.” She said with a smile and a shrug, Max gave Cecilia her cup before they moved to the room had his simulator sat in, walking in she laughed when she saw two simulators, not one, admittedly one was more advanced with RedBull logo and the other looked like that once she had at home. “Colour me impressed, Mr. Verstappen.”

“Laugh all you want, but now we can race each other, one on one.” Max looked smug with himself. He had no shame, it came in handy now and he didn’t regret it, I mean he lives here all alone, yes he doesn’t stay home a lot but when he does it does get a little lonely. 

“I like the way you think.” Patting his back she walked up to the RedBull one and looked at it before she looked at him with a smile, he couldn't say no to her, he let her try it. Max sat everything up for Cecilia and him and they took turns choosing what circuits to play, both playing as themselves. “Is any of your family here in Monaco?”

“No, no, I just came back from the Netherlands when the lockdown started.” Max said and tried to pass the female driver, but she was blocking him very well.

“It must be lonely being here alone.” Cecilia said thinking about how lonely she’d be if she didn't have her family with her, she’d definitely lose her mind. 

“It’s alright.” Max didn’t mind it that much, he got used to it, besides he did call his family and check on them to see how things are over there.

“You should come over sometime, as long as you don’t come in contact with anyone, we have a child at home after all.” Cecilia spared him a look before she passed the chequered flag and won the race.

“It’s okay, but I do want to see Nathalie again.” 

“Believe me she does too, I don’t know what you two talked about when you found her but she’s been going on and on about you.” Max smiled and turned to look at Cecilia, she was already facing him, they were finished for the day. “And, if you need more convincing, We have a hell of a gym at home, I mean you’d meet my parents, but they’re chill.”

“I didn’t know you had a gym at home.” Max stood up and Cecilia followed suit, they naturally integrated to the sofa in the back of the room, she sat at one end facing him with her legs tucked under her and her back to the armrest. 

“We had everything installed after I gave birth, I needed to get in shape and with how small Nathalie was I couldn’t take her with me, and I didnt want to leave her, not even counting feeding her.” Cecilia said fondly, sometimes she feels like Nathalie is growing up too fast. “Sometimes I miss when she was that small, she was so cute.”

“Do you have some pictures?” Cecilia fished out her phone and went to the album on her phone labelled Nathalie 2017, she had her pictures all categorised with the year. Moving closer they both were sitting side by side as she showed him the photos explaining some of the stories behind them. They went so back in the album, there was a photo of Cecilia on the hospital bed with a newborn Nathalie sleeping on her, skin touching skin, Cecilia looked so tired and sweaty in the photos, to Max she looked so young. “You were 18, right?” 

“Yeah, I got pregnant at 17 but gave birth after my 18th.” His admiration for the girl just kept growing, he looked at her and noticed how close they were sitting, their thighs touching, he could smell the perfume she had sprayed. He moved his arm to push back her hair to be able to see her face when he stopped himself and cleared his throat.

“I can’t get over how much she looks like you.” Max said trying to distract himself, Cecilia looked up and their eyes met, they were still close she felt like she could see all the shades of blue with flickers of hazel in his eyes. 

“My mum says she’s my twin.” Her voice was soft, both their eyes flickered down to their lips, and just as the thought of how his lips would feel on hers passed her mind, she smiled and leaned back creating distance naturally without leaving any awkwardness between them. Soon after Cecilia left with the promise of coming back again later in the week. 

The due kept meeting regularly, and Max started hoping her sim would never get delivered. When their meeting time arrived for the week, Cecilia came in with her mask, a backpack on her shoulder, a bag in one arm and her child in the other. The woman was always thankful for her F1 training. Once Nathalie saw the male driver her three year old legs carried her as fast as she could to the driver. Max leaned down and caught her, pulling her up in his arms and giving her a hug. 

“Hello, Thalia.” He greets the three year old, stepping back to let her mother move in the house, he took the bag from her hand in a swift motion.

“Hello Max.” Nathalie said with a smile. “We made you cookies!”

“Oh did you?” Max asked her with a smile, he looked at cecilia and she pointed to the bag in his hand, it had tupperware in it, once her mum knew he was here alone, she gave Cecilia some home cooked food, and since she and Nattie made cookies, they decided to bring some. 

“Yes, mummy can eat those.” Cecilia shook her head, the cookies they made were okay for her diet, she did make a patch of normal cookies as well.

“I’m sure I’ll love them.” Sitting her down the girl looked around curiously, she started walking around, giving the adults time to greet each other. “Hey.”

“Hey, she’s a bit hyper and had some cookies when we weren’t looking after we gave her some.” Cecilia said and looked at her daughter, she was a mischievous little thing. “I think she talks to Charles too much, I always catch him encouraging her.”

Cecilia sat her bag on the sofa, and took the bag Max held and walked to his kitchen, her daughter and Max followed suit. It made her chuckle. “Mum made you some food, I hope it’s not too much, but she’s a family woman, always wanting to feed people, I think that’s why my brother is her favourite, since I can’t eat everything she makes.”

“It’s okay, thank her for me.”

“Or you can come by like I asked and thank her yourself.” 

“Grand-mère makes good food.” Nattie agreed looking up at the duo, Cecilia ruffled her hair thinking how cute her girl is. “Maman! Stop!” 

“Yes Cecilia don’t ruffle her hair.” Shaking her head she continued with getting out the tupperware and placing what needed to be placed in the fridge inside of it. 

“Mon ange, do you want to watch a movie?” The girl nodded her head and they moved to the sim room, Cecilia gave her daughter her Ipad where she chose to watch cars, ironically. An hour in Max and Cecilia played 8 tracks with 5 laps in each track, all this playing made them aware of the other’s techniques, it was different from real life, but still with similarities, Cecilia would sometimes push cars off track to try and make Max lose, and he may have cursed or gotten mad at other people but not her, he just shook his head and continued on. 

They had a late lunch break before Nattie made them play a game with her, the sugar she had in her system took a couple of hours before she crashed, Max slowly got her up from the floor where she fell asleep and carried her to the guest bedroom, after Cecilia tucked her in they moved once more to the living room, they sun had set and they had dim lights on. Max got a bottle of wine with a cheeky look on his face. He only saw Cecilia drink once and that was at her first win, never again, she would get out with them but never drink. 

“I drove here.” She whined, wanting a glass of wine.

“Then stay, Nattie is already sleeping.” Max offered and popped open the bottle.

“I don’t know.” She was unsure, she knows that her and Max have gotten closer and she knows where this friendship is heading, she talked to Charles about it once, and told her to trust her instinct and if she felt like it to go for it, but to her the thinking is different, once she became a mother her way of thinking about things changed 180 degrees, she’s not number one anymore it’s her girl. Even if you push that away, Max is amazing with Nattie that is true, but she can’t get him into that, she can’t be sure if he’ll want to be in Nattie’s life, to be a male figure and possibly a father figure. Besides they are colleagues, with jobs that are under the microscope, the moment the public finds out it will be a shit show, and if they ever broke up then what? How can she stare at him 10 months of the year knowing they had something at one point. Too many things could go wrong, and she’s not ready to put herself or her daughter’s hearts on the line.

“Don’t overthink it.” Max could tell that her mind ran with thoughts too fast for either of them to grasp it. He poured her a glass and held it out to her, reluctantly she took it and took a small sip. 

“You're a bad influence.” 

“Some would beg to differ.” He responded with his own glass, after a moment of silence, he gathered his courage and asked the question he wanted to ask the moment he found out about Nathalie. “Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah sure go ahead, this is good wine by the way.” Cecilia kept  her sips small, enjoying the taste.

“Is-is Thalia’s father around?” Cecilia stopped drinking, she just realised that she never talked with Max about it, Max kept his eyes on her, watching her every move waiting for a sign of discomfort. 

“He isn’t, he dipped the second I told him I was pregnant.” Cecilia sat with her legs tucked under her once again with her back to the armrest. Her elbow resting on the back of the sofa with her arm holding her head up at her temple, Max also had his back to the end of the sofa. “The fucker left me on my own in a country I know no one in and I only saw his face once since then.”

“What a fucking dickhead.” Max couldn’t understand how some men could just get a girl pregnant and dip, it takes two to tango, knowing that there’s a child out there that is half them and leave them be.

“You can say that again, anyways, he only showed up once with his lawyer, to sign away his rights and told me to keep him out of this, he did try to threaten me.” She laughed remembering the day, Max was confused why she was laughing. “My brother had him almost pissing himself, he’s rich, my ex, extremely so, but my family is richer and more influential so, with one threat to call his dad he had his tail tucked between his legs and left with no fuss.”

“Where does he live?” Max doesn’t know why he asked, maybe he wanted to see if he could find him and maybe just maybe while he’s crossing the road a little something could happen. 

“Last I heard in England, he’s British but he has family in Monaco, that’s how we met, he was older than me, thinking back now it was doomed from the start.” Cecilia leaned over and poured herself another glass, and offered to fill Max’s, he too needed another drink. “But you know what, I’d do it again just to have Nathalie, she’s the best thing that ever happened to me, she’s the reason I decided to race again.”

“What do you mean?”

“I was a teen when I got pregnant, and maybe yes I was 18 when I gave birth but I was still a teen at heart then too, you don’t just get older the instant your birthday hits, anyways I felt like a teen when I had her and I thought about quitting everything and just focus on us, but I couldn’t I didn’t want her to look back one day and see me give up when it got hard, I didn’t want her to think that having her ended my dream or that I didn’t work hard for it. No way, my mum is a housewife. Her dream was to have a family of her own, mine was to be an F1 driver.”

“Your dream was hard to achieve when you didn’t even have a child.” Max commented, all he wanted to do now is to pull her in for a long hug, to have her in his arms and protect her to help her like her ex should’ve, who’d let a woman like Cecilia slip through their fingers? A blind man in Max’s books.

“That’s true, and at times I thought that maybe I bit more than I can chew, I mean even now, with me coming fifth in the championship, Mclaren still has me on a yearly contract, and Lando got a three year contract.” Shrugging, it bothered her, Mclaren was applauded for being ‘feminists’ and accepting ‘diversity’ when they didn’t treat their drivers the same. 

“That’s not fair.” Max frowned, Cecilia just shrugged. “Well RedBull will always be happy to have you.”

“I don’t know about that, you may hate it but Mercedes is where I wish to be.” Cecilia was honest with him, she hoped to one day be part of Mercedes.

“Because of Toto?”

“Yeah, he’s married to Susie so there’s that, she’s been working for years on including more women in the sport, and he’s always had her back at that.” Cecilia explained.

“But you know he likes Lewis so much, he will place him above you when it comes to priority.” 

“Like Christain loves you, every team principal prefers one driver, but I feel like my luck there will be better, that’s why I’m going to prove to everyone that I deserve it next year.”

“I know you do.” Max found himself saying. “I’ve always believed in you.”

“Did you?” Cecilia whispered, Max nodded, her cheeks dusted pink. This is it. This is what Max wanted, he wanted to spend time with her talking, he wanted to talk to her before he fell asleep, to share their feelings and thoughts, talk about everything and anything, share things with each other they never did with anyone else. He wanted… he wants to feel less lonely when it’s late at night and he can’t fall asleep, he wants to have someone who he can speak to about everything, share his secrets with, he wants that.

“Yeah, I did, I do.” His tone matched hers, in the silence of the apartment and dim lights her light blue eyes met his darker ones in an enchanting fight, who’ll give up first, both drivers not used to giving up. Cecilia’s eyes ran down his nose to his lip and instinctively, ran her the tip of her tongue over her bottom lip witting it slightly, the tension in the room rose, Max swallowed and fought with himself to say something, change the subject, but evidently he was the loser between the two of them, he took a swing of his glass and finished it, before he leaned over and took hers placing them on the coffee table, Cecilia watched him with bated breath. Her eyes drew him in they were half closed, Max moved like a predator, a man on a mission, he inclined his face towards hers, it took her only a moment to feel his breath on her face before she pushed up and their lips met is a slow almost lazy kiss, their eyes closed as they lost themselves in the moment, her lips soft and already open, Maxed closed his lips around her bottom one, drawing her in, his nose nudged hers, and her arms moved to his hair holding him in place, afraid he’d pull back. Max’s arms moved to hold her waist and face, with the tip of his tongue he could taste the wine they just drank, deciding then that it tasted better coming from her lips.

It’s been years since Cecilia kissed someone, but she’s sure she’s never been kissed like this before. If kisses are supposed to make you feel like this, then she’s never been kissed before, the warmths of Max enveloped her and consumed her. Moving her head, she wanted more of him, wanted him to-

“Maman!” With a startled jump they pulled away from each other, Cecilia looked at Max like a deer caught in headlights, she didn’t say anything before she moved to see what her daughter wanted. She cursed herself for losing her resolve, for not sticking with her decisions, this just got messy. She hid away in the guest room with her daughter, thankfully she had her phone in her pocket and texted her mum that they’re spending the night. 

She isn’t ready to face Max in the morning.

Next morning Cecilia wakes up and she raises her head and looks around for Nathalie but she’s nowhere to be found, slowly getting up, she doesn’t bother looking in the mirror, she slept in her jeans and shirt, yeah it wasn’t a comfortable sleep. Just as she places her hand on the knob to open the door, she remembers what happened last night. Fuck it felt so good, being this close to Max, her heart jumped and she felt all soft and tingly, she placed her forehead on the door and closes her head, reliving the moment once again. Shit, I need to focus. She bites her lip and contemplates what to do. She knows that the mature thing is to talk to Max about it and explain her feelings but she doesn’t really want to, she’s not ready to hear what he thinks.

Opening the door she hears Max talking and Nathalie laughing, following their voices she comes to the kitchen, Max was in a pair of shorts and a shirt. Watching them, Max had Nathalie mixing the eggs in a bowl that is too big, but it made it so she wouldn’t spill any of it, Nathalie was sitting on the counter, Max had one hand beside her, something she did so if Nathalie slipped she’d be able to stop her from falling.

“Like this?” Nathalie asked, looking up at the man for approval.

“Yeah, you’re doing amazing.” She wasn’t, but the answer made Nathalie very proud of herself. “What do you usually drink with breakfast?”

“Juice!” Nattie exclaimed, swinging her legs back and forth, Cecilia rolled her eyes.

“More like milk.” Cecilia interjects, she gives Nattie a look. “Don’t lie mon ange, when do you drink juice?”

“After lunch.” Nathalie answered with a pout, her shoulders dropped and she stopped mixing the eggs. 

“Why do we do that?” Cecilia asked her moving closer.

“Too much sugar is bad for you.” Nattie said the words she heard a million times before. Nattie can’t handle sugar well, if there’s no fresh juices they usually give her a small glass after she has lunch, which is her biggest meal of the day.  

“That’s right, my smart bébé.” Cecilia kisses the side of her head, and turns to look at Max, he had a smile on his face, it made Cecilia’s heart skip a beat, she looked away. “Good morning.”

“Morning, you sleep okay?” Max takes the eggs turns to the stove before he quickly finishes whisking them without Nathalie noticing, and pours it into the pan. 

“Yeah, as good as I could in jeans.” Max noticed her crumpled clothes, and her messy hair matching Nathalie’s, like mother like daughter. Cecilia combed through Nattie’s hair with her fingers taming her hair, the only thing different between them is that Nattie had curls while Cecilia’s straight/wavy.

“I can give you some clothes if you want.” Cecilia declines his offers, she planned to leave after breakfast anyway. 

“What can I help with?”  Cecilia asked.

“No momie we’re making you breakfast.” Nathalie said startling Cecilia who just raised her hands in surrender, Max laughed. Cecilia still stood by her daughter watching Max move around and give Nathalie things to do. 

They had breakfast in the kitchen, Cecilia finished eating first, she wasn’t always a fast eater but when you have a child you need to feed and also feed yourself it made her a fast eater. Max and Nattie were still eating so Cecilia took the moment to rinse the plates and place them in the dishwasher, cleaning up the kitchen.

“Mon ange get your things, we need to leave.” Cecilia called for her daughter once she finished eating, she was washing the pan Max used.

“Are we coming back soon momie?” walking to her mother with her begging look that she always used when she needed something, made Cecilia chuckle.

“Maybe.” with a pointed look the girl turned and left the kitchen with a permanent pout. She knows that Nathalie missed meeting people and just having fun with kids her age. Max is the only person she saw out of her parents and her, her brother was in Sweden, quarenting with his wife, kids and her family. 

Max silently leaned his back to the counter next to the sink, his eyes not leaving her. Cecilia tried to act like she didn’t notice, but how could she when he was standing so close, her mind flashed to the taste of his lips on hers.

“Are we going to talk about last night?” Max asked her and Cecilia didn’t answer, it isn’t very mature of her but once again she didn’t want to talk about it. “Cilia.”

“What do we need to talk about?” She decided playing dumb is the best thing to do, maybe she’s really dumb.

“Don’t do that.” Max turned off the tab and moved closer, he was serious, sighing Cecilia turned to look at him. “If you regret it, then say it, but I don’t think that you do.”

“It’s not that simple, Max and you know that.” Cecilia replied, her brows furrowed. 

“Then let’s make it simple, Cecilia, I like you, do you like me?” Cecilia’s eyes went wide, her cheeks went red, her mouth got dry and she stood there speechless. 

“It’s- max, I-I…” She stuttered feeling flustered and warm, a cocktail of emotions that she wanted to untangle, but if she does then so much would change and she doesn’t know if she's ready for that.

“I’m not asking you to marry me, do you like me? Yes or no?” Max asked once again, this time his tone is softer, full of doubt, maybe he misread the situation, maybe she was drunk(of two glasses of wine?), maybe it was just a spur of the moment thing.

“I do, I like you, but it’s not simple.” Cecilia whispered and closed her eyes, Max moved closer.

“I know that you have to think about Thalia-” She cuts him off.

“I do, but it’s not just that, Max we work together, no not together, against each other.” Cecilia said, trying to prove her point, she thought about this a lot and she talked about it with Charles, and she has a feeling that both Charles and Max saw it like each other. 

“I thought about those things too, no let me finish, your jumping to the future, since the season is postponed we have time to figure things out, we’ll take it slow, we won’t say anything to anyone and just keep it to ourselves, it wouldn’t be fair to Nathalie if we got in a relationship and then broke up a while later, as for racing, we keep work separate. You’d be happy if I won right?” Cecilia nodded, not daring to say anything. “I would be happy for you too, and that’s all we need from each other on that point, it’s simpler than you think, we’ll just take one thing at a time, you don’t have to bring Thalia with you until you’re sure we’re going to stay together, or that I’m not just playing with you and leaving, because I’m not, I’m not like your ex.”

“I know you’re not.” Cecilia mumbled, yes she doesn't want to end up heartbroken, doesn’t want her daughter to be heartbroken, but she knows Max is different.

“Then give us a chance.” Max pleaded, his hands cupping her cheeks softly, their eyes met and Cecilia’s resolve crumpled.

“Okay, yeah, let’s do it.” Max kissed her forehead softly before he let her go. They finished in the kitchen together before she and Nattie left, with a longer hug than usual, Max closed the door behind them.

His house now empty, he looked around and there was no trace of the two, it made him feel lonely, since he spent the last 24 hours with them he now felt like he was on his own, something that didn’t bother him before. When you taste something sweater and go back to how things were, it makes it harder, but he had to give it time. Dating Cecilia will be bringing so many challenges but he wasn’t one to shy away from challenges, he knows what he wants and he works his ass off to get them.

CeciliaHansson15

liked by charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1, Landonoriss and 1,597,999 others

ceciliahansson15 photodump, what is everyone been up to? I can confidently say that the art world is lucky I chose not to be an artis😎

anyway, i hope you're all staying safe ❤️❤️

view all 10,149 comments

username1 how can you look sooooo gooood 🧎‍♀️

username2 mother is mothering so hard right now

Landonoriss I've seen your 'art', it's shit

ceciliahannson15 how dare you 🫵👊 these are lies

georgerussell63 I'll have to agree with Lando on this

ceciliahansson15 how did you see my art @/georgerussell63

georgerussell63 uh... ask @/alex_albon

alex_albon mate, why? 😬

ceciliahansson15 how did YOU see it??!!! @/alex_albon

alex_albon well you see the thing is, it was @/charles_leclerc🏃🏃

charles_leclerc not cool mate

ceciliahansson15 charles....

charles_leclerc it was Lando 🤷

landonoriss I can explain

ceciliahansson15 BLOCKED all of you @/maxverstappen1 congratulations on being my new best friend

maxverstappen1 ...thanks i guess

maxverstappen1 do i need to know what happened?

georgerussell63 no

alex_albon no

charles_leclerc no

landonoriss I'll text you

ceciliahansson15 @/landonoriss 🔫🔫

Pierregasly suddenly I'm glad I havn't checked the groupchat

liked by ceciliahansson15, danielricciardo

username5 I'm living for this comment section 😂

username6 only cecilia can get half the grid in her comments section

username7 the power cecilia holds

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it's 4:45 rn so if there's any mistakes tell me

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[fortheloveofwonderland]

Hi! Congratulations on your milestone 😊

I would really like to see something with Spencer x Reader and Blinding Lights by The Weeknd! ❤️

Hello my love! I’ve wanted to write a fic based on this song for so long! Set in place of 3.16 Elephant’s Memory.

Send me a song lyric from my list to celebrate my follower milestone 🎵

Blinding Lights

Spencer Reid x Fem! Reader

Summary - Spencer is ten months sober and struggling to ward off his cravings. When a case takes the team to his hometown, he knows there’s only one face that can keep him from falling off the wagon.

CW - heavy angst, hopeful ending, past drug use, thoughts of relapse, Spencer is just really sad, brief mention of a bad past relationship, tears.

WC - 3.8k

The golden medallion watched him thoughtfully from the dresser, the way any inanimate object could. He could feel the judgement rolling of it in waves, hearing its sickly sweet commentary as he stared unblinking at the opposite wall.

You’re not strong enough, it goaded him. You can’t do this alone. Relapse is inevitable. 

Of course he knew a piece of metal couldn’t think, couldn’t chastise him, didn’t have its own voice to vocalise these vicious words. It wasn’t sentient. It was a coin, a simple gold chip. And anyway, the taunting voice following him around like a rain cloud sounded too much like his own for it to be anything other than his own intrusive thoughts. 

His cell phone was next to him, tucked against his stomach as he lay in the foetal position atop the scratchy hotel bed sheet. 

Since having to cut his meeting at Beltway short and joining the team for the case less than twelve hours ago, he’d tried calling the same number fifty two times. 

Fifty two times he’d called and fifty two times he’d gotten the same monotonous voice in response. 

The number you dialled has been disconnected. 

Yet it didn’t stop him from calling the same number over and over until his thumb was numb and the beeping continued to sound in his ears long after he’d hung up. 

It was said that insanity was doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Did he really think that after fifty two phone calls the line would become magically reconnected just because he was so persistent? 

He wasn’t surprised exactly, but he was disappointed. It had been more years than he could count since he’d last tried to call that number. 

No, that wasn’t true, Spencer knew exactly how many years it had been, he knew how many minutes it had been since he last heard your voice. 

Five years, two months, sixteen days. 

He’d been standing in your doorway bidding you his final goodbye before he flew to Virginia to start work at the BAU. You’d said you’d stay in touch and you had. For a time at least. And then life simply got in the way. 

But today of all days when he was, as the literature put it, craving, for the first time in ten months of sobriety he needed to hear your voice. He needed to hear your dulcet tones on the other end of his phone telling him it would be alright. 

And to make even more signs point towards you, the case had taken them to his hometown of Las Vegas. 

He didn’t know for a fact that you still lived here but there was something in his gut that told him you were close by. He could feel your aura, sense you were within his grasp but just out of reach. 

Without so much as blinking, he blindly reached for the dresser next to the bed and felt around until his fingers brushed over that taunting gold medallion. 

He tucked it into his palm, squeezing so tightly it would surely leave indentations in his hand. It was meant to be a token to aid him, to keep him focused for the next two months when he got his own. 

But it was simply serving as a reminder of his addiction and how much he would give to get high right now. 

The dilaudid didn’t just allow for his escape from reality but it also offered him a reprieve from his perpetual loneliness. Spencer had been on his own for so long, fighting battles solo against demons who always seemed to win as of late. 

Sin City had never felt as cold and lonely as it did right now. 

Still clutching the chip in one hand he used his other to pick up his phone. He pulled up his call history whilst moving as little as humanly possible. 

But this time he didn’t call your disconnected line. 

He put the device on speaker and held it in his hand, finally closing his sore and tired eyes as he listened to it ring. 

He counted four dial tones until his call was answered. 

“Boy wonder?” Garcia’s tone didn’t hide her confusion. “It’s late, I thought you’d all called it a night?” 

“It’s not about the case.” He barely recognised the sound coming out of his lips and judging by the long pause down the line, Penelope didn’t either. 

“Ok. What’s up?” She sounded concerned, it was nothing new. 

Since the team discovered his addiction it was the same tone they’d all used on him. It was growing tiresome. 

“Can you find someone for me? Like if I gave you a name could you find out where they live?” 

Another stretch of silence met his ears but he knew Garcia was still there. He exhaled through his nose and forced his exhausted limbs to straighten out, hearing the clicking of joints that shouldn’t be as worn down at his age. 

He swung his legs over the side of the bed, holding in a groan deep in his lungs as he got himself into a sitting position. 

The medallion was still pressuring aggressively into his palm. 

“You know I can, Reid.” Garcia finally spoke. “But you’ve got to tell me what this is about. If I’m going to help you, you have to be honest with me.” 

The truth was that Spencer felt like he was drowning. During daylight hours he was just about capable of keeping his head above water but in the night was when he started slipping beneath the surface. 

The whole team was worried about him, hadn’t stopped worrying about him relapsing, worrying about his monsters out running him. 

If Garcia wouldn’t give him the information he needed, it was likely ten months was where his sobriety ended. 

“I need to see an old…friend.” Now was not the time to be going into detail. “It’s important.” 

It wasn’t as though he deliberately kept you a secret from his team, he just never felt like talking about it. If he talked about you then all the pain would come flooding back to him, the waves of heartbreak likely to wash him away to sea for good. 

But still, in the midst of undoubtedly the worst time of his life, you were the only person that had a hope of making it better. You’d been there holding his hand when he’d made the decision to have his mother committed, you’d been his rock in that horrible time of his life. 

He knew when he was like this, you were the only one he trusted enough. You were the only person who had ever seen him, all of him, both metaphorically and physically. 

“Reid,” Garcia sighed as she spoke his name and he knew exactly what words would leave her mouth next before she vocalised them. “Are you ok?” 

Are you ok?

Such a flippant and vague question, but one in which he’d been asked more times than he cared to count over the past year. 

And it wasn’t just the question, it was the tone that went along with it. The pity veiled in a cloak of concern, the kind of concern you only had for a person on the brink. 

“No.” He confessed, loosening his grip on the chip maybe in the same way he was steadily loosening his grip on reality. “But that’s why I need you to do this for me.”

The desperation, the agony of his fractured mental state must have come through in his voice because it was only a second or two before Garcia replied.

“Ok.” She agreed and he heard the distinctive clicking of keys down the phone line. “Give me a name.”

***

It failed to register with Spencer that it was gone midnight when he emerged like a shadow from his hotel room, creeping down the corridors as if he were nothing more than an apparition. Limbs moved of their own accord with the address Garcia had given him burnt into his memory. 

He found himself behind the wheel of one of the hired SUV’s, foot hugging the gas pedal as he sped in the direction of your home. The gold medallion sat on the dashboard almost like a reminder that this wasn’t a venture to buy drugs. 

As much as he wished it was. 

He knew the roads in Vegas like the back of his hand and he traversed them on autopilot. One road blurred into another, his focus waning. 

All he could really make out through his tired and heavy eyes was the assault of light around every turn, seemingly getting brighter with each new street he drove down. 

It soon became blinding, piercing his retinas as somehow he continued to drive, but all he could see was light. It all felt like some kind of fever dream, the haze that shrouded his brain was so familiar somehow. 

It was almost as if he was high. But that wasn’t possible, was it? He’d remember if he’d used, wouldn’t he? 

No, he couldn’t be high, he was simply fatigued. He was exhausted from work, drained from the constant internal battle he was fighting over his abstinence. 

He just needed to see your face, to rid his vision of these damn lights that seemed determined to impede his vision. 

He never could see clearly since you’d been gone. 

Somehow he ended up parking the SUV on a quiet and sleepy road and then once again, his limbs moving without his brain telling them to do so, he was climbing out of the vehicle, up the front steps of a building, and knocking on the door. 

He didn’t know what he planned on saying when, or if you opened the door. He hadn’t exactly stopped to think this through, if he had done there was no way he would have just shown up at your door after five years. He had more sense than that. At least he usually did. 

All he knew was that if he didn’t see your face he had absolutely no doubt he would relapse. It was an incredible amount of pressure to put on one person, his sobriety rested on your shoulders and you were none the wiser. 

He rubbed his palm aggressively against his left eye socket while he waited, still someone seeing those blinding lights long after they’d disappeared. 

Time had ceased to be relevant to Spencer long ago and so he had no idea how long it was he was standing in your stoop, rubbing his eye as if to somehow erase any trace of light still poisoning his retinas. 

But eventually the door creaked open, slowly, cautiously; it was the middle of the night and of course you would be sceptical about someone knocking on your door. 

He dropped his hand back to his side as you appeared from behind the door, your hands clutching the wood, ready to slam it closed again if you perceived a threat. 

Your brow was furrowed and you were rolling your bottom lip between your teeth. But a fraction of a second later he saw the realisation flood your features, the recognition of the man on the other side of your door in the middle of the night. 

Your frown faded at the same time your eyes widened in an animated fashion. Your jaw fell, leaving your mouth agape while you sucked in a thick breath. The hands that had been clutching the doorframe fell to your sides and you simply stared at him unblinking. 

“Uh, hi Y/N.” He offered you a meek shrug which told you without the use of his words that he had no idea why he was here. 

He stuffed his hands inside of his pockets and brushed his fingertips across the chip in an attempt to keep him grounded but it failed. 

You remained silent, taking him in. He’d aged, of course he had, so had you. But in your mind he was still the twenty-one year old saying his goodbyes as he left you forever in pursuit of his own dreams, in the process destroying your own. 

But it wasn’t just the fact he’d aged, he almost seemed like a completely different person from the one you remembered; a ghost of his former self. 

The dark circles he always wore under his eyes were blacker than you recalled, a stark contrast again his sallow, alabaster skin. His eyes always held so much emotion, like his heart lived through his pupils but right now they were vacant, staring through you rather than at you. 

His lips were cracked and split from profuse chewing, something you knew he only did when he was nervous or upset. His shoulders drooped, his neck retreated inside his sweater as though he just wanted to disappear inside it all together. 

You took a few breaths, trying to hurriedly reconcile all the emotions running rampant within you so you could move past them and focus on this broken man on your doorstep. 

“Spencer,” you swallowed as you spoke. “What are you…why are you…?” 

“I’ve been trying to call. I’ve been…” his voice was trembling and trailed off to try and correct it, whilst also trying to clutch at the right words. “I’ve been on my own for long enough.” 

The last part of his sentence was whispered, so quiet you had to strain your ears to hear him. 

He hung his head, looking down at his feet as he didn’t want to see your reaction to his pathetic words. He grasped the medallion tightly, it still didn’t help him to feel rooted. 

But then he felt your delicate fingers brushing against the underside of his jaw, gently guiding his face back up until your eyes met. Even when they did, you kept your hand on him and your simple touch was everything he needed to feel tethered again. 

It was as if you realised this too, as your lip started curling into a soft smile and when you removed your hand from under his chin you were quick to place it instead on his wrist. 

“You wanna come in?” You tapped his arm, causing him to dislodge his hand from his pocket. 

He nodded a little too frantically, sending his messy curls bouncing into his eyes. But he didn’t seem to care. 

With his hand free out of his pocket he hurriedly caught your own hand and the grip in which he held you showed off his desperation. 

You offered him another smile before leading him inside by his hand. And somehow just thanks to your touch, he felt whole once more. 

***

You made some chamomile tea while Spencer sat on your couch, eyes scouring the room, taking in every inch of your life. He committed everything to memory, drew a map of your home on his heart. 

By the time you returned Spencer had made himself comfortable, his converse tucked neatly next to the couch and he sat with legs criss crossed, a big plush sofa cushion resting in his lap. He was toying with something shiny between his fingers but he quickly pocketed it when he saw you coming back. 

You handed Spencer one of the mugs which he took with a small, tight lipped smile of thanks. You sat down on the other end of the couch, leaving ample space between the two of you. 

Spencer took a sip and if he noticed it was scalding hot it didn’t even seem to register with him. He cradled the mug in his hands and sighed. 

“I don’t know.” He croaked, barely able to maintain eye contact with you for more than half a second. 

“You don’t know what?” You replied, giving him a slightly curious look. 

“You want to know why I’m here. You were inevitably going to ask. And the answer is: I don’t know.” He sipped more of the tea. 

“Ok.” There was no point in following that up, no use reminding him of how many years it had been because he knew that better than you did. 

“I tried to call.” He said for the second time. “A lot.” 

“I had to change my number a while back. I had some issues with an ex-boyfriend. He got…obsessed after the break up. It’s ok now though.” You shrugged. 

Spencer noticeably winced, hating himself for not being able to be there for you during that time. It also had a little to do with the idea of you being with someone who wasn’t him. 

He’d asked you to go with him. When he moved to Virginia, he’d asked you to go with him. But you had a life in Vegas, you had dreams of your own that you weren’t willing to give up in order to chase his. 

And along the way you’d met someone else, of course you had. Just because he hadn’t even so much as looked at another person in the last five years, it didn’t mean you had to do the same. 

But secretly, he’d wished you had. 

He sipped his tea, his heart constricting inside of his chest at the thought of you with another man. You were each other's firsts; you were Spencer’s only. 

When he didn’t speak again you put your mug down on the coffee table and scooted a little closer to him. He could feel the heat radiating off of you. 

Spencer hadn’t been able to see clearly since you’d been gone, but now as he looked at you it was like a thick fog had lifted from in front of his eyes. 

“Spence?” You brought him back to the present, eyes blinking at you several times. “You gonna tell me what’s wrong?” 

He copied you and put his own mug next to yours on the coffee table before lacing his hands together on the cushion in his lap. 

“I’ve been…unwell.” He mused, remembering the terminology Ethan had used to describe his addiction. “I mean, I was unwell but I got better. And recently I guess I’ve been feeling…sick again.” 

You tentatively reached out and placed your hand on top of his and he felt so instantly relaxed at the feeling of your skin on his. 

“And you came here because…”

“I don’t know.” He shook his head. “I just knew if I didn’t see you I would have done something stupid tonight. I…I’ve missed you.”

Of course he’d known he missed you before this moment, but Spencer had long ago compartmentalised those emotions. He tried not to dwell on them because if he did he probably wouldn’t make it out of bed most mornings. 

Your absence had left a hole in his life. He’d tried filling it with work, and for the most part it had been effective. 

But being beaten to death and back again in Hankel’s cabin, all those emotions managed to break free of the cage in which he’d held them captive. 

Dilaudid helped mute them, helped him escape from the loneliness he’d harboured for five years. Being sober again, he’d been forced to feel everything. 

You briefly squeezed his hands before softening your grip, unaware of just how much your touch was soothing him. 

“It’s been so long, Spencer.” You breathed out, thumb caressing his knuckles. “I missed you so much and now you’re here…” Now you’re here I never want to be apart from you again. 

“I know.” He nodded, knowing what you weren’t saying. “Me too.” 

A quiet understanding passed between the two of you while you unlaced his hands so you could entwine your fingers with his. 

All the pent up emotions clung to the walls of the room like stale cigarette smoke. Everything that had ever been left unsaid between the two of you being spoken without the use of words. 

You sat like this for some time until, still keeping your hands interlaced, you stood up, tugging Spencer to do the same. 

He let you lead him by the hand towards your bedroom where you let go of him so you could lie down on top of the made bed. He took a few seconds of contemplation before an encouraging smile from you convinced him to do the same. 

You laid on your backs but your hand soon found his again and he held on so tightly as if afraid you might float away. 

His other hand slipped inside of his pocket and he pulled out the medallion which he cupped inside of his palm. 

With you there by his side, holding his hand, the chip was much less taunting of him than it had been earlier in the night. 

It was never supposed to be an omen, but a talisman, and now he was seeing it for what it really was. 

He had two months until he would receive his own, and laying next to you in your bed he finally believed he could achieve that. 

He rolled his head to the side on the pillow and you did the same, a soft smile cloying to your lips. 

“What…what happens tomorrow?” He couldn’t help but ask, always in need of answers to questions that didn’t always need asking. 

You gently squeezed his hand as a small exhale left your parted lips. 

“Let’s worry about that in the morning, ok?” 

“I wish I could.” He rolled his lip between his teeth. “Maybe coming here was a bad idea. I don’t know if I can just leave again this time.” 

“Spence,” you shuffled a little closer to him. “We’ll figure it out, ok? But if you think for a second I’m just going to be able to let you walk away again, well for a genius, that’s just dumb.” 

Spencer couldn’t help the chuckle that left his lips as his heart soared at your words. He brushed his fingers over yours whilst doing the same to his chip. 

He exhaled a slightly shaky breath whilst turning completely onto his side and opening his palm so you could see the coin.

“It’s not mine.” He was quick to say. “I still have two more months to make my year.” 

He didn’t need to say more than that. You mirrored his position and took the medallion from his open palm. 

He wanted you to have all the facts, to have total transparency between you so you knew exactly what you were getting yourself into. But he underestimated just how much you still knew him. 

“I figured.” You whispered. “You’ll get there. And if you’ll let me, I’d like to help you.” 

Once again his heart soared, his whole body feeling lighter than air. Tears he didn’t know had sprung to his eyes, started rolling down his cheeks but yet, he was smiling. 

“I’d like that very much.” He nodded against the pillow. 

You fell into silence after that and soon Spencer’s tired eyes started to flutter closed.

You’d been the one to show him how to love and along the way he’d forgotten. But now he was starting to remember it all. He’d been on his own for long enough and maybe, just maybe, you could show him how to love all over again. 

Being In your presence, the voices in his head were silenced, the lights weren’t quite so blinding. And with your touch, he could finally sleep. 

[yourfanderfriend]

!! SPOILER WARNING!! ⚠️

What if there was something more to Logan’s statement?

In the newest episode, “What Makes a Perfect Gift?”, when Logan hints to Virgil that he is disappointed with his newspaper, he makes a point to say:

“… there was obviously something about my personality that made you think a newspaper would be a proper gift for me, and whatever that is, I will have to reflect on that. This whole activity was to serve a higher purpose anyway.”

Thomas then assures Logan: “You’re doing good, Logan.”

They never discuss what exactly “the purpose” was. I also believe the wording of Logan’s statement was odd. This could just be a nod to his past history of disconnection with the group, but I believe it could be more.

I propose:

Could he be talking about the Orange Side?

I believe that “the aspect of his personality” Logan needs to reflect on could be a reference to Orange.

We already know that Orange and Logan are connected in some way, hence, the glowing orange eyes. They never discuss “the purpose” or “the aspect his personality” after it’s brought up.

Something about how Thomas said, “You’re doing good Logan,” tells me that Thomas, in some capacity, can see how much of a hard time Logan had. Janus and Remus obviously know about Orange, but what about the others?

Could it be that Logan is trying to keep Orange at bay?

Logan was the Side who ultimately decided to initiate the Gift Exchange. This is odd.

They even call this out when Roman says: “Logan, you’ve never run one of these things.”

Patton agrees with that statement saying: “Hey, yeah! It’s usually me or Roman. Wha-?”

Logan replies: “Well, things are a little different this year.”

Logan is trying new things and intentionally going out of his way to make sure Orange is not shown to the rest of the group.

He is making an effort to reconnect and get away from the one-dimensional “smart guy” stereotype because he can see how that can feed into Orange.

I would like to hear other people’s takes on this line. There are many ways you could interpret it, but it seems so cryptic that I might as well apply it to a theory of mine. Enjoy my over exaggeration of a small line. 💪💪💪