#and i kinda lost steam on it and didnt work on the project for a long while

[vivy-nx]

hi!! look at my cool kirby walking simulator fangame i made over the course of last year!! i worked very hard on it!! it's downloadable for windows and linux!

[sarah-writes-marvel]

Family Matters: Bucky x fem!Reader

S.S: Hello again! Another fic for you folks! This one was really based off myself and my persepectives for my future but I hope that you all like it.

Warnings: Slight panic attack, not much, mentions of children (is that a warning?) showering together but nothing sexual

Word Count: 1,636

MASTERLIST

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“Uncle Bucky!” Morgan’s sweet voice entered the room before she was in sight. The sound of her feet running against the linoleum of the compound echoed just as loudly.

I smiled at Bucky as he stood up to greet the little girl running towards him from the hallway, bracing himself for her hug.

“Hey there MiniMo. How's it going?” He asked as he knelt to her height watching her smile grow on her face as she bounced on her toes.

“Can we go to the park? Daddy said it was alright while he worked.” Morgan begged.

“You just got here Maguna. Take a chill pill.” Tony said as he finally showed up in the common room.

“But dad, it's so pretty outside!” She whined turning towards Tony.

“And it'll be just fine a little later too. You need breakfast first missy.” He smirked as he readjusted his sling. “Say Hi to Aunt Y/n/n too. She’s looking a little dejected.” 

I smiled as Morgan enthusiastically waved at me with her toothy grin before turning back to Bucky.

Despite their differences, Tony and Bucky had created a peaceful relationship. Tony still had some precautions but after speculation he realized where he had been mistaken and had finally accepted Bucky’s profuse apologizes about Hydras doing. Though Tony was very protective over Morgan, especially after his snap, Morgan had been the one to really connect the two parties. She broke Bucky out of his shell even more, probably even helped him more than I had through Steves leaving. 

Bucky was amazing with Morgan. He treated her as if she was his younger sister like in the 40’s with Becca. He had told me once that Morgan’s smile reminded him of her. Other than Tony he had become the most protective of the girl. It was adorable. He always offered to babysit if Tony and Pepper had business or just needed a night off and if there wasn't a mission that had to be done.

Tony pulled Morgan along to the kitchen and Bucky had rejoined me on the couch, watching me complete the sudoku puzzle I was working on. I could feel the nervous energy coming from him as if he wanted to say something.

“What’s on your mind Buck?” I asked, not looking away from my puzzle.

“Huh, oh. Just thinking that's all.”

“Want to indulge me? I can feel your anxiety radiating from you.” I teased him, turning to see his sweet face.

“Do you want kids?” he asked bluntly. My heart dropped to my stomach and the smile that was on my face had faded as soon as the words left his mouth. “I mean like after we get married or something. I know we've only been dating for like a year or so, but we've never talked about this.” he said his hands fiddling in his lap as he watched my reaction.

“I- uh. I- well ummm I-”

“Uncle Bucky! Lets go to the park! Please!! Daddy said it was alright now!” Morgan interrupted my flustered stuttering.

“Ok MiniMo. I'll be right there. Go put on your jacket.” He smiled as she skipped away back to the door. “I didn't mean to upset you. We can talk about it later. I’ll see you in a bit.” he said before kissing my head and following Morgan out the door.

I watched his retreating form with tears glazing my eyes. My vision shifted from the hallway to see Tony standing in the doorway of the kitchen, his arm crossed over his chest and a sympathetic look on his features.

“Need to talk about something? I don't have to be in the lab yet.” He offered, moving towards me.

“I- I- He’s gonna hate me.” I whispered.

“Why’s that?” he sat down next to me, his good arm slug around the back of the couch.

“He asked if I wanted kids, probably because he wants them but I don't. I can't. He’s gonna hate me.” I turned to Tony.

“Did he explicitly say that he wanted kids? That he wanted to start a family with you.”

“No but -”

“EH- stop. If he didnt straight up say he wanted kids then don't be so worried. He’s asking what you want in the future.” he said.

“But what if he wants a family. I can't give him that Tony. I can't give him what he had, what he might want.” 

“And if he truly loves you it won't be a problem. He might want a family but there are other ways to have kids.”

“No Tony, you don't understand. I don't want to have children at all. I can't deal with the stress of raising someone. I don't want to have a child just to mess them up because I’m not mother material.”

“Pepper thought that for a while. She doubted her ability but now look, we've got this amazing daughter.”

“You're not listening to me. I'm not mother material. I'm a mercenary. Pepper is an executive Business woman. She knows what it's like to have a family, how a child should be raised. I have no idea what that's like. I didn't have that luxury, I wouldn't know where to start. She doubted herself for a moment in life, I on the other hand have known forever that I will never be good enough to be a mother, whether it was my own child or adopted. I'm not made for that life.” I argued, the pain settling in my chest.

“Come on Y/n/n, you can't seriously believe that.” Tony said.

“I 100% do. I was raised as a killer, not a lover. I don't nurture things. I manage to kill everything I touch in time.” I stated, “I'm gonna go shower. Good luck with your projects.” I said before walking out of the room.

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I closed the bedroom door behind me and tossed my sudoku book onto the unmade bed. I looked at the clock on the wall watching the hands move. I began pacing along the carpet lost in my thoughts. Bucky's face ingrained in my memory, the way his eyebrows were furrowed in concentration, the lines creased on his forehead, the way his eyes flitted to mine after he asked the question of curiosity swimming within and a hopeful gleam.

Of course he would want a family. He grew up with a sister and a loving mother. And Steve was practically his brother. Why wouldn't he want a daughter or a son of his own. He loves Morgan and he loves spending time with her so of course he's pictured himself with his own children one day.

I ran a hand over my face trying to wipe away the worry. I pulled my shirt over my head dropping it onto the floor with my sweatpants before walking into the bathroom. I turned the water to the hottest setting possible watching the room fill with steam almost immediately.

The water cascaded around me, trailing off my fingertips and dripping from my hair. The cool tile of the floor underneath my huddled form wasn't noticeable with the steaming water hitting my back. My arms were wrapped around my legs as I sat on the floor of the shower, my head leaning against the wall reimagining the look that Bucky had given me. It had morphed to a pained look, one of disgust, of hatred. 

“Hey Y/n? Everything alright? Tony said you needed to talk to me.” Bucky's voice broke me from my trance. I heard the bathroom door open and close behind him. He knocked against the tinted glass door to the shower. “Can I join you?”

“If you want to.” I said quietly, pulling myself off the floor as he got undressed and stepped in. His hands wrapped around my waist.

“What's going on doll?” HIs deep voice whispered as he left kisses on my shoulder.

“Maybe we should break up.” I said quietly. His grip loosened a little and his kisses stopped.

“What are you talking about?”

“I just don't want to hold you back from something you want.” I said.

“Is this about what  I asked earlier? Because I didn't mean that we had to have kids now. I know that our lives are still kinda hectic. We can wait. I don't mind.” he said, his hands turning me to face him.

“I can't have kids. Even if I could I don’t want kids. And you obviously want a family. I can't give you that. I can't give you what you had growing up. I can't give you a loving family like you want.” tears were freely streaming down my cheeks.

“We don't need kids to have a loving family. I have you. That's enough for me.” he reassured, his hands cupping my face.

“But you want kids. I see how you act with Morgan. You adore her.” I said.

“I do adore her, but that doesnt mean I want kids. I adore you much more than risking losing you over wanting children. I'm fine without kids. We can have a dog instead.”

“But- I-”

“Stop. Listen to me closely; I don't need children to have a family with you. It can just be me and you. I don’t care just as long as I’m sharing my future with you.” he said gently but stern. “Now come on, let’s get out and go play with Morgan, ok?”

I simply nodded and followed his lead out of the shower. He took my towel and dried me off gently, finishing by placing a kiss on my lips.

“I love you, you know that.” he smiled tilting my chin up to meet his gaze.

“I love you too. I'm sorry.”

“There's nothing to apologize for, doll. Nothing at all.” he said with another smile before crushing me in a hug.

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S.S: Hope you like this! I saw a tiktok with Sebastian being amazing with kids and it was adorable but like at the same time I lowkey despise kids because they come from a special place in hell so this story came out. Anyways.... thanks fro reading!!

[madokasoratsugu]

therefore you and me post-production notes (or: murphy’s law as a project that has been two years in the making)

ive had this idea for ‘therefore you and me’ and Fritz ever since i first played CindPhenon. nothing ever fell into place until i played Evermore though, so here we are!

drafting this project was pretty easy tbh (see: hubris). the parallel imagery and everything about the lyrics was right up my alley aha.

fun thing with the lyrics: TadanoCo uses ‘要る (iru)’ in the line ‘Which do you want (iru)? Or do you want neither (iranai; aka negative form of ‘iru’)?’

‘ 要る ‘ as a verb can mean ‘to be wanted’ or ‘to be needed’. 

hence, the line can also be read: ‘Which do you need? Or do you need neither?” or any other variation of the verb’s usage. 

it’s halfway through drawing the lineart that murphy’s law began. 1) i drew ~15 panels on the wrong dimensions, and had to redraw them all (lol), re-grey tone (LOL), and re-ink (LOLOL). it was not a fun three days.

then i lost momentum because of lunar new year (happy late lunar new year btw! happy year of the ox :”) )

anyway: the moment i regained momentum for the project again, i hit a roadblock in the form of overconfident, sloppy drafting (see: hubris is my downfall). 

because of the lack of clear drafting for certain panels (and changes to previous panels), i had to redraft two different sections of the PV while keeping in mind that there was the bridge still to be drafted. fun ! 

i decided to simplify the bridge. can you believe it was supposed to be another animation. i can’t. so i scrapped it.

(slight tangent. Evermore’s release honestly cleared up a lot of uncertainty regarding the direction of the PV and whether or not to include Fritz’s mother (who I still fondly call Beatrice). im really happy the PV never came to fruition before Evermore’s release, as im not sure i would have done half as good a job without Evermore’s content.)

back to the hubris of proceeding with a messy draft - there was a lot of push and pull internally for me as to how much i should keep to the original PV and how much i should just put my spin on things. i ended up doing a bit of half-and-half, i think. 

but really, it only delayed things as i ended up redrafting and having multiple drafts of certain panels haha//

the last two choruses were honestly my favourite parts to draw. the shift from Varg’s clothes and colours to Fritz, Fritz’s acceptance of Varg and the soft way Varg looks at Fritz (and no one else). there’s something cathartic about acceptance and acknowledgement. i think that’s what i aimed to really capture.

also: in between drawing all the panels, murphy’s law 2) my Evermore itchio game file ? got deleted off my computer ? 

it’s a very old, barely functional brick so im lowkey unsurprised but at the same time it was a crazy experience and setback when i needed to reference certain scenes. oh, and Steam decided to not download Evermore too. i still haven’t fixed that one. haha. ha.

i have screenshot posters to thank for uploads of certain CGs, although im still pretty sure its best not to post a ton of those publicly at one shot?

also, i had to scrap the recreation of the famous ‘did you love Varg’ scene because of this aha. looking back now, i think it worked out. 

(another tangent: using referencing as an excuse, i actually took the opportunity to replay Fritz’s route for the third time. i ended up checking nothing at all and falling in love with the masquerade scene again.) 

up till the very end, im still not sure if everyone got that the line “You are love itself.” was meant to be said by Lucette to Fritz. i colour-coded Lucette with her own unique blue for the PV, which was the same hue as the line. i hope that it got across, aha.

with that said, video production was a whole entanglement in and of itself. i think murphy’s law really took up a hammer and swung hard at this stage.

timing was actual hell. im usually not this bad at it, but this project in particular was tricky bc TadanoCo uses a lot of background beats that aren’t overt, which his PV also matches - i think? or maybe im just not good at recognising beats from lack of video/music production haha//

hence there were certain scenes i was stuck at and kept revising because i wasnt clear where the beat was meant to be, what transitions i should use, and when the transitions should be.

subtitling was actually really fun! until i rendered my first version and realised all the subtitles were completely off and blurry.

turns out my project properties were different from my video properties, hence the off-alignment. huh. didnt know those were Actual Things(tm). 

also, quick tip to all vid-making amateurs like me out there: you may have to double the dimensions of the font’s media properties if you dont want them to come out fuzzy. another thing i didnt know lol. 

anyway all this lead to: me needing to spend another evening to redo subtitles. haha. it was not a fun two back-to-back 3am nights + extra evening afterward.

in between all this was countless rendering tests to guess-and-check what’s causing numerous errors in the video btw.

and with those rendering tests came: glaring mistakes in the panel art that i only now spotted and had to fix, and refix, and refix again. then reimport into sony vegas, put it into the video, render and double check if it’s alright. rinse and repeat countless times ! haha ! PV making is fun !

i think i nearly redid a certain scene with the exact same panels once. like i said: not a fun two 3am nights.

that said: i dont know how all this technical issues (and more) popped up and were resolved over two 3am nights and one evening. im not about to question it either. 

at this point: panel art - fixed ! subtitling all redone ! render works fine, everything checks out.

i make the mistake of uploading it directly to yt instead of leaving it unlisted first.

murphy’s law 3) when im watching the vid on yt, the yellow parts in the second verse were completely unable to be seen. 

panic put it on unlisted. people are already watching it and leaving (very sweet) comments. panic delete it.

btw if you’re one of the first three commenters reading this: thank you for the quick response !! it means a lot and made me really flustered in a good way :”))

cue me re-colouring those scenes, redo-ing the section and oops, is that a panel in the masquerade scene where Fritz literally is missing his mask ??? 

i think i lost my mind entirely at this point. from then on i was fueled by spite to complete this cursed project.

at thereforeFINAL.mp4, (version five of the full PV, version maybe 10-11 of all the rendered videos, including tests) finally. finally it is done. 

i upload it.

the end !

(except, not really. because here you are at post-production notes detailing the worst luck i’ve ever had with PV making. 

i learnt a lot from this though, and honestly on hindsight i should have learnt all these from my first PV but nothing went wrong at this magnitude so i kinda just...shelved it aha//

but really, im relieved it turned out well, and that i took the time to redo scenes until i was satisfied. for a PV that’s been waiting in the background for two years now, i think this is the least it deserves. 

if the comic about Fritz and Varg (which i referenced in one of the last choruses, i wonder if anyone caught that?) was meant to be a love letter to Fritz’s route, i think this PV ought to be a tribute to the character himself. 

although - hm, this isn’t quite as good a tribute to Fritz as it is to his route, maybe? i don’t know, haha ! maybe it’s just myself wanting to make excuses to create more for him//

i was thinking of continuing on about the PV and it’s significance to Fritz and Varg, but hm. maybe not on this post. maybe some other one, some other time.

but at it’s core, at it’s simplest, most raw - i think i just wanted to explore what it means to Fritz to ‘want’ and to ‘need’ with this PV.

thank you for watching the PV, and thank you for reading this.

- blu.)