#and i know embarrassingly little math

[escapingadventism]

wow every time I remember that my math homeschooling was literally just Biblical Numerology, I want to scream and light things on fire

[hotchnerwrites]

“Enemies to lovers, but only one of them thinks they're enemies. The other has been entirely obsessed since the beginning.” Saw this concept on here and got me thinking—reader works at the bau and thinks hotch hates her, but in reality it’s the opposite and she’s misreading his signals?

Mixed Signals

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x BAU!reader

Word Count: 1.6k

Warnings: SFW, idiots in love, good ending, swear words

A/N: Hi hi hi hi!!! sorry for the long wait!!! finally have some time on hand from exams and im getting all reqs done!!! chose to go down a dry humour/funny route for this. honestly reminded me of my olive branch fic, except it's reversed ahahah. anyway, thank you so much for your patience. i hope you enjoy this!!!! so much love, mwah mwah mwah <3

My requests are open. Send me stuff! Please read the rules before asking, and be advised there is a slight wait time right now. But I will post for sure. :)

ps- i kind of maybe forgot to proofread so let's pretend any errors don't exist 😬 

At the end of the day, it was just work.

You all were colleagues— professionals selected for their skills, all crammed together into one bullpen and expected to play nice. That didn’t mean you had to be friends. People were allowed to dislike each other if they wanted. It happened. Tensions flared, personalities clashed, and someone always ate the last yoghurt tub.

And if Aaron Hotchner happened to hate you in particular, well, that was his right. It was just part of the job. And you were aware of it. Oh, so aware. Acute, constantly and embarrassingly aware.

There was no question about it: he hated you. Not disliked. Not tolerated with professional indifference. No— this was loathing. Cold, calculated, deep-in-his-bones hatred. 

You felt it in your blood every time Hotch walked into the bullpen and skipped over you when saying good morning. It radiated from his office like a laser death ray whenever you laughed a bit too loud. 

It wasn’t paranoia. You’d done the math.

Morgan? A nod of approval. Prentiss? Professional respect. Reid? Indulgent patience. Rossi? Best friends. You? Fuck all.

You were sick of the stone-faced silence. And that look he did. That little glance from the corner of his eye, paired with a crease between his brows. Like your presence caused him physical pain. You’d once made a joke in the SUV, and he sighed. Not laughed. Sighed. It was actually quite impressive, how consistent he was about it. 

You’d retaliated by calling Hotch all kinds of names. Mentally, of course. It was childish and dramatic, you know. But no more dramatic than the way he had once corrected your paperwork with a red pen, and hadn’t even told you— just left it on your desk like a cursed object. 

You tried not to take it personally. For a while, it worked. But then he started doing this thing— this new thing— where he’d enter a room, and leave as soon as you walked in. It had only happened twice, but it had been the same excuse both times: that superiors called him away. Suspicious.

So you did what any well-adjusted and emotionally mature adult would do. You went straight to Garcia’s office and told her that your boss hated you and you were going to get fired because he could smell your weakness. She’d gasped, handed you a bejewelled stress ball, and offered to hack into some database on your behalf (you declined, but it was nice to feel loved for a change).

Still, you couldn’t shake it. It seemed like he couldn’t be in your orbit for more than three and a half minutes without the need to file an HR report.

So when the moment came, you weren’t prepared.

●・○・●・○・●・

You were in the briefing room, finishing up your notes after everyone else had gone. The case had closed. People were smiling. Even Hotch had smiled at someone. (Not you. Obviously. But still.)

You were alone now, sorting through crime scene photos, muttering under your breath about timelines, when his voice startled you.

“You missed lunch.”

You jumped. Clutched a photo like a weapon. “Hotch—you can’t just sneak up on people like that.”

He looked vaguely alarmed. “I knocked.”

“No, you didn’t.”

“I did,” he insisted, like someone trying to explain doorbells to a raccoon.

You narrowed your eyes. “What do you want?”

He paused. Then, slowly, he stepped forward and—without ceremony—placed a sandwich in front of you. Neatly wrapped. Labelled with your name. From your favourite place.

You blinked. “…What is this?”

“You didn’t eat.” A beat. “It’s been a while since the brief ended.”

“I— I was going to—”

“I’ve noticed.”

You stare at the sandwich like it’s a bomb. Then at him.

“You got me food?”

“Yes.”

“Because you hate me and you’re trying to poison me?”

He blinked. “What?”

“It’s fine,” you said, hands raised in mock surrender. “I respect it. A clean kill. No one would suspect a thing.”

“…Why would I hate you?”

You let out a single, disbelieving laugh. “Are you kidding? You avoid me like I’m radioactive. You only talk to me when absolutely necessary, and even then, you struggle. You sigh when I speak.”

Hotch looked absolutely, entirely baffled.

“I sigh at everyone.”

“No, you don’t.”

“I do. It’s a thinking thing.”

You scoffed. “Well, you don’t think around Morgan that much, apparently.”

He exhaled. Then, before you could launch into Exhibit D (the Unspoken Broom Closet Incident), he said:

“I’ve always valued your insight.”

You blinked. “What?”

“Your reports are consistently the most thorough. Your geographic profiling is precise. You’re one of the most detail-oriented agents I’ve worked with.”

You stared at him. “…So you don’t hate me?”

“No,” he said quickly. Too quickly. “Quite the opposite.”

Silence.

You opened your mouth, about to ask what the opposite of hate even meant in Hotch-speak, but he was already turning away, clearing his throat.

“Anyway,” he said, suddenly very interested in the wallpaper, “I thought you might want lunch. That’s all.”

And then he was gone. Just—left. Like he hadn’t just lobbed that cryptic grenade over his shoulder and walked away.

●・○・●・○・●・

You don’t eat it right away. Not because you’re still suspicious—it’s from your favourite deli and has your name written on the brown paper in what can only be described as Hotch's weird, neat serial killer handwriting—but because you're too busy mentally disassociating.

Quite the opposite.

What on earth did he mean?

The rest of the day passes in a weird, slow-motion haze. JJ gives you a weird look when you accidentally sit in her chair. Reid asks if you’ve seen his recent paper, and you blink at him like you’ve just returned from war.

Because you’re thinking. Hard.

Like:

That time Hotch asked if you were staying late and then looked weirdly panicked when you said you were walking home.

The morning you came in limping from breaking your ankle, and he said, “You shouldn’t be here,” in the flattest tone imaginable.

How he called you by your first name once, and you almost fell out of your chair because he never uses anyone’s first names. You chalked it up to a lapse. 

And then. Then, the worst one.

Last month. You’d been coughing like a maniac during a briefing. He had placed a bottle of water in front of you with a dull thunk. At the time, you had taken it to be his passive-aggressive way of saying please shut the fuck up right now. Only to find out later from JJ that he’d actually gotten up and left mid-meeting to get that water for you.

Now you're sitting at your desk rewatching it all in your head like the twist ending of a psychological thriller.

●・○・●・○・●・

You don’t see Hotch again until nearly 6 p.m., and when you do, he’s at his office door, jacket folded over one arm, clearly intending to head out.

You’re not even thinking when you get up and intercept him halfway down the hall.

He stops mid-step when he sees you. “Everything alright?”

“I… need you to clarify what’s going on.”

He exhales like someone who just got caught by airport security. “About what?”

You try to keep your expression neutral, but your heart is pounding like you’re about to ask your boss if he’s mad at you—because that’s exactly what you’re doing.

“You’ve been… weird,” you say finally. “With me. For months.”

Hotch tilts his head. “Weird.”

“You barely speak to me unless it’s about a case. You avoid sitting near me on the jet. I brought cookies in last week, and you took one, then put it back. Who does that?”

He has the audacity to look mildly horrified. “I didn’t mean to put it back.”

“That’s not the point.”

You’re spiralling and he knows it. You can tell by the way his jaw tightens like he’s trying not to laugh. You, on the other hand, are mortified.

“I just need to know,” you continue, quieter now. “If I did something wrong. If I’ve annoyed you somehow, or if you genuinely just… can’t stand me.”

There’s a beat of silence, just long enough to make you want to crawl into the floor tiles.

Hotch runs a hand down his face. “I don’t hate you.”

“Could’ve fooled me.”

“I—” He pauses, and then, with all the charisma of a man giving a congressional hearing, says, “You make me nervous.”

You blink. “Sorry?”

“You… distract me,” he mutters, like he’s admitting to tax fraud. “I didn’t mean to be distant. I thought it would help.”

“Oh.” It comes out stupidly small, because your brain is too busy cataloguing every single interaction the two of you have ever had and realising, oh no, he was just emotionally repressed and completely, tragically bad at this.

You swallow. “So… you don’t think I’m annoying?”

“No,” he says, almost immediately, and then after a pause, “Not even a little. Not even when you talk over me in briefings.”

You almost laugh. “That’s because you talk like we’re in court.”

“And you talk like you’re arguing with your GPS.”

Now you do laugh, and something about the way his shoulders ease tells you this is maybe the most honest conversation you’ve ever had with him.

You look at him for a second longer, searching his face. “You’re really bad at this.”

“I know.”

“You could’ve just said you liked me.”

“I’m saying it now,” he says, softer.

And okay—maybe Hotch didn’t confess it with a rose in his teeth and violins playing in the background. Maybe it came out like a man filing paperwork for a broken heart. But it’s still something.

“You want to get coffee or something?” you ask.

He nods once. “Yeah. I do.”

You don’t know what this is yet. But it doesn’t feel like work. And this time, he didn’t glare— so, by your standards, that was basically a proposal.

Thanks for reading! I appreciate any likes/comments/reblogs/follows. Constructive criticism is welcome. Do not plagiarise my content and/or post it anywhere without crediting me.

Dividers by @/cafekitsune

[andy-15-07]

Infinite Horizons

PAIRING: Reed Richards x reader

WORD COUNT: 1159 | requests are open (send requests, I will gladly answer them all)

Pedro Pascal Masterlist

The Baxter Building hummed with the quiet energy of invention. Fluorescent lights cast a cool glow over the laboratory, where papers, holograms, and whiteboards filled with intricate equations surrounded a single figure.

Reed Richards stood before a towering chalkboard, writing with swift, precise strokes, his mind working at a speed no ordinary person could match. His sleeves were rolled up, revealing forearms dusted with chalk. His dark curls were slightly tousled, and his eyes burned with concentration as he scrawled symbols in a methodical yet fluid rhythm.

You leaned against the doorway, watching him. Admiring him.

There was something about seeing his mind at work that left you breathless. The way his brow furrowed, the way he whispered numbers under his breath, the way his fingers absentmindedly tapped against his chin when he hit a snag in his calculations—it was mesmerizing.

And he hadn’t even noticed you yet.

Smirking, you finally spoke. “You know, Reed, most people don’t spend their Friday nights romancing a chalkboard.”

His hand stilled mid-equation. He turned, his sharp eyes softening the moment they landed on you. “Y/N,” he said, and just like that, the tension in his shoulders eased. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

You stepped forward, arms crossed, head tilted in playful scrutiny. “You were too busy proving the meaning of the universe to notice, Professor Richards.”

He chuckled, shaking his head. “Not quite. Just solving a little problem in quantum instability.”

You raised a brow. “A little problem?”

He turned back to the board and gestured at the dizzying array of symbols. “I’m attempting to stabilize the quantum field distortions in our multiversal gate. Right now, the energy fluctuations are unpredictable. If I can refine the equation, I might be able to prevent spontaneous breaches.”

You stared at the equations, pretending to consider them seriously. “Mmm, yes. Of course. Looks like... numbers.”

Reed laughed—a warm, low sound that made your heart flutter.

“You’re impossible,” he murmured, his fingers brushing over your wrist as he pulled you closer.

“And yet, here you are, madly in love with me,” you teased.

His lips quirked. “Madly.”

Your heart did an embarrassingly giddy flip, but you disguised it with another playful remark. “So, what happens if you don’t solve this equation?”

Reed sighed, running a hand through his curls. “Worst case scenario? Unstable dimensional rifts. Possibly reality imploding. Best case scenario? I get a headache and need coffee.”

You gasped dramatically. “A headache? We’re doomed.”

His eyes twinkled. “Not if you stay here and keep distracting me.”

You smirked but didn’t move away. Instead, you stepped behind him, wrapping your arms around his waist, pressing your cheek against his back. You felt him exhale, his muscles relaxing under your touch.

“Your brain is my favorite thing,” you murmured. “Well, one of my favorite things.”

His hand covered yours, fingers lacing together. “That’s comforting.”

“What’s the other worst-case scenario?” you asked, tracing lazy circles on the fabric of his shirt.

Reed hesitated, then sighed. “The math isn’t adding up. If I don’t find the missing variable, I can’t stabilize the distortions. Which means—”

“—which means no experimental travel through the multiverse anytime soon,” you finished.

He turned in your arms, facing you fully. “Exactly.”

You studied him for a long moment. “How long have you been at this?”

His silence was telling.

You groaned. “Reed. Have you even eaten today?”

He pressed his lips together in thought. “I had coffee.”

You placed your hands on your hips. “That’s not food.”

He exhaled through his nose, amused. “I was in the zone.”

“You always say that.”

“And it’s always true.”

You rolled your eyes and grabbed his hand. “Come on, genius. You’re taking a break.”

He resisted for half a second before relenting. “Fine,” he murmured. “But only because you’re bossy.”

You smirked. “And because you love me.”

He squeezed your hand. “That too.”

You sat cross-legged on the couch in the lounge, watching Reed as he leaned against the counter, sipping his coffee. The kitchen was bathed in warm, golden light, making him look impossibly soft despite the sharpness of his intellect.

“So,” you started, “what’s the missing variable?”

Reed sighed, rubbing his forehead. “That’s the problem—I don’t know. The math should work, but there’s a fluctuation that keeps throwing it off.”

You tapped your chin. “Couldn’t it be an external factor? Something you haven’t accounted for yet?”

He hummed in thought. “Possibly.”

“Have you considered... I don’t know, the energy signature of whoever’s opening the breaches? Maybe the anomaly isn’t in the math but in the source itself.”

Reed’s eyes widened slightly. “You might be onto something.”

You grinned. “Of course I am. I’m brilliant.”

He smirked, setting his mug down before walking over and placing his hands on either side of your head, trapping you in. “You are. And now, I’m going to need your help.”

Your brows lifted. “My help? In quantum physics?”

Reed grinned. “I need a second set of eyes. Even if they’re skeptical ones.”

You sighed dramatically. “I suppose I could lend my expertise.”

He chuckled and kissed your forehead. “Then let’s get back to work.”

Hours passed as you sat together in the lab, Reed scribbling equations while you sat beside him, offering insights where you could. It was a strange dance—you weren’t a scientist, but Reed valued your perspective. He thrived on discussion, on the challenge of explaining concepts in ways you could understand.

And you? You just loved watching him work. Eventually, after what felt like an eternity, Reed froze.

Your head shot up from where you’d been resting it on your hand. “What? What is it?”

His eyes flickered with realization. “You were right.”

You blinked. “Obviously. But about what?”

He grabbed your shoulders, excitement radiating off him. “The anomaly wasn’t in the equation itself—it was an external force! If I adjust for the unique energy signature of the breaches, the entire system stabilizes!”

You grinned. “I mean, I did suggest that hours ago.”

He shook his head, grinning. “You did. And I was too busy overcomplicating it to listen.”

You leaned closer, whispering, “Say it.

He narrowed his eyes. “Say what?"

“That I was right.”

He sighed dramatically. “Y/N was right.”

You smirked. “And?”

His lips twitched. “And Reed Richards was wrong.”

You gasped. “A historical moment. I need this on record.”

He kissed you before you could gloat further, his lips warm and insistent. You melted into him, savoring the quiet triumph in his touch. When he pulled away, his voice was soft.

“You’re my favorite variable.”

Your heart clenched in the best way. “And you’re my favorite genius.”

Reed exhaled, resting his forehead against yours. “Thank you for keeping me grounded.”

You smiled, fingers brushing through his curls. “And thank you for reaching for the stars.”

And in that moment, with the weight of the universe pressing against him, Reed Richards knew—no equation, no discovery, no multiverse could ever mean more than you.

[sugarlywhispers]

b.katsuki + reader!Quirk similar to him

Your first year at UA was going amazingly. Not only because it meant it was one step closer to your dream of being a hero, it also brought new challenges and new people into your life. You have made two new best friends: Gouna, a tall girl with an elastic type of Quirk, and Zynu, an exchange student from Greece, who had a fast Quirk. Literally, she was freaking fast.

The first semester of school consisted in getting to know each of the classmates and oneself. Training, studying, physical tests in groups. Also boring tests like Maths and English.

But it has been magnificent so far.

Until the training camp. Pushing one's Quirk to the limit had literally brought you to tears. Being a cold type of quirk yourself, you never thought you would be able to do what you were doing. But you gave your all, like always. You were focused. Witty and ready. Ready to fight for that number one spot in the rankings at every moment of your life. And very loud about it too.

"She reminds me of someone…" Kan-sensei once commented to Aizawa-sensei, smiling amused.

Your black haired teacher rolled his eyes, "Please, no…"

You didn't know who they were talking about at the time, but whomever they were, you decided you would be fucking better.

That camp had been one hell of a test for everyone. 

Or so that's what all of you thought until the day to meet the Big Three came.

Despite other previous years, these Class 1s, A and B, hadn't met them until closer to the end of their first year. Apparently, they had been on a mission in another country.

"Can you believe it??? They haven't even graduated yet and they already go on missions!!" Zynu exclaims, giving little fast jumps as the whole classes 1-A and B awaits for the Big Three to arrive at Gym Gamma.

"Well, our little Y/N has nothing to envy them, right?" Gouna lays her forearm on one of your shoulders, making you smile.

"Ughh, I still can't believe Hawks himself asked you for help…" Zyna smiles so happy for you, her hand grabbing yours and shaking it way too fast in excitement. Gouna laughs at the way your one fast and joyful friend pulls you.

"She was only called because Hero Shoto wasn't around to help."

The annoying voice behind you makes you groan.

"Don't you have anything else to do than to prove how very in love you're with my friend here?" Gouna's words make you snort before turning around.

Hamata Aiko, the one guy that always has an opinion about you –a bad one, if you may add– stands there, all bulky, full of himself and annoyingly looking down at you like you're scum, with hands closed in fists.

"All of you are going to be in love with me once I take down all three of the Golden Trio…" He declares, flexing his arm so his bicep pops out even more. Disgusting.

The look you share with your two best friends, followed by a cackle of loud laugh, brings the attention of most students around.

"I'll bring tissues for when you cry like a baby after being embarrassingly defeated. But that was a great joke, Aiko-chan," you can hear the grit of his teeth at your mockery.

A huge shadow with red eyes suddenly appears behind Hamata. "A joke indeed," the low voice that came from the shadow makes this same boy jump away like a scaredy cat.

You back away a few steps just so you don't get stepped on. Light then clears everyone’s vision and you see this man– this mountain of a man, with red eyes and blond hair, a few steps in front of you. You can’t help but think he’s insanely huge, more than anything you could have ever imagined. And the other two guys that also appear on each side of this blond mountain are just as big. Maybe not in muscles and height, but each of them has a powerful energy and stance that immediately makes you succumb to their glorious presence.

Like… fuck. Like fucking heroes! The biggest ones you have ever seen. Ever been in front of.

And you want that. You want that majestic power. That strength that makes everybody believe and trust that they are the best.

"Hello, everyone! It's very nice to meet you finally!" The green haired one greets enthusiastically as the blond mountain rounds him to let him stand in the middle. You also noticed how the blond one and the duo colored haired one stand two steps behind, giving this greenie one space, giving him the lead. "We are very sorry it took us this long to meet, but we hope to make the best of our time together!"

"He's too much of a sunshine," Gouna whispers at you and Zyna, the latter smiling and nodding. You somehow doubt it. Something tells you he is as deadly as his two companions look.

"My name is Midoriya Izuku, hero name: Deku," lots of whispers and gasps from the students are heard as he turns to his right, where the blond mountain stands with his arms crossed over his big chest, a frown deep in his face, "this is Bakugou Katsuki, hero name: Dynamight," some grunts and groans are heard. You even hear a kid say "this is going to fucking hurt", and you definitely feel that. Especially when you see the satisfying smirk on the blond mountain's face. "And, this is Todoroki Shouto, hero name: Shoto."

More whispers and grunts. Some look excited, others are already lamenting getting to class today. But most of the students are terrified. These Big Three look nothing like third year students. They look fucking Pro, and that shit’s scary. Not even your first day as an intern in Gang Orca’s agency made you this uneasy. (And it’s Gang Orca we are talking about!)

"It's Endeavor's kid," Gouna whispers, eyes open wide in excitement looking at Todoroki Shouto. Her biggest dream is to be part of the fire hero agency, but she had told you how that was a mere dream considering how Hero Endeavor only took fire type Quirks in. You feel sad for her, but still encourage her to at least try it. The “NO” was already a given; what harm could be to try for the “YES”?

Of course, you all have heard about the rumors circling the Big Three and their achievements. You are a liar if you say that, even if they are supposedly rumors, their stories don't ignite a spark of hope and admiration over them. However, being in their actual presence is a whole different feeling.

"So today, we are fighting," Midoriya Izuku smiles, but surprisingly enough for everyone except you, the kindness doesn't reach his eyes. His eyes change demeanor and look challenging, a bit scary even. (Ha! You knew it! He isn't as sunshinie as he looks.)

"We did this exact same exercise with the current Big Three of our first year, but this time we decided to give you all a bit of advantage, uniting both classes for the exercise, so you can have the upper hand." The shiny smile doesn't leave his face, and while most around you sigh in relief, you know right then and there is a fake sense of security. It's a trap.

And by the way some unnoticed snorts are heard from behind greenie, it's more than obvious.

This will definitely hurt.

You realize then, as Midoriya Izuku takes his bow and school jacket off and steps back closer to his own classmates, how his other two companions are getting ready. Todoroki Shoto hasn't his jacket nor his school shirt on already, but a sport kind of shirt that accentuates his defined chest, where the sleeves only cover a bit of his shoulders, arms on display. This is definitely strategic for his own quirk, half hot and half cold. You wonder if the material is actually made to bear and endure the changes of temperature in his body, like the ones you wear. Bakugou Katsuki, on the other hand… Holy. Mother. Of. All Might. He now stands with his whole school shirt unbuttoned, chest and muscles and freaking abs on display, sleeves rolled up his forearms, jacket lost somewhere. You haven't actually had time to admire any type of physics in boys since the year started, being completely focused on your goals and dreams. Now, this hot mountain of a man makes you feel things you haven't before. Is that the feeling of butterflies on your stomach as the tingles travel through your body? Fuck, it’s distracting. (Very much so.)

You have to mentally slap yourself to focus. This is not the time to drool over an upperclassmen.

"This is your moment to try your moves and Quirks, they will gladly take them and give you feedback. But remember, this is a sparring, nothing to seek real harm. Have fun, children," Aizawa-sensei speaks as he walks towards the entrance door of the gym and stands there, away from the bloodbath that is about to happen. (If you had to define what betrayal looked like, Aizawa-sensei’s smirk as he stands there looking should be it.)

You, in a very calculated and dissimulated way, grab both of your friends' wrists and pull them back slowly, away from where the Big Three stand. They don't say anything and follow you. After so many group tests passed, you three have learned to work together very well. And with one look, all three of you understood. If you wanted to at least hit one of them, you would have to be a team. No solo fight could win them. And even then, there was no guaranteed win over them. They look, and you're pretty sure they are, very strong.

All three of them crouch a bit, showing they are ready, evil smiles plastered in their faces like they enjoy each and every little sound that showed how scared the two classes were. 

How sadistic. You love it.

You so want to fight at least one of them, one on one. But you know you don't have a chance to win moving on your own. Yet.

"Should we go first?" Deku suggests, seeing how no young student is brave enough to approach.

It's not that you are not brave. You're not stupid enough to volunteer for death first.

Dynamight and Shoto look at each other for a moment before looking back to the front, both smirking, and then the blond mountain yells, "FUCKING DIE, EXTRAS!"

A blast clouds everyone's sight for a moment, before you have to jump to the side as Shoto slides with his ice way too close to you. And then it's chaos. Quirks and fights are seen and heard around. And fuck, you have to dodge Shouto's ice three more times. Not to mention his fucking fire.

Your best friends and you remain as far from the Big Three as you can. Gouna got caught by a little piece of ice from Todoroki on her right cheek, cutting it a bit. Zyna, on the other hand, in these kinds of environments gets anxious, moving rapidly on her spot, needing release to do something in her fastness tempo. You… you get calculating and observing. Everyone around is losing against the Big Three. They are too strong, too big. Students are falling to the ground like levees, no matter how strong some of their Quirks are. These three professionals know what they are doing and how to do it.

It's going to take more than just guts to confront them.

Then you see it. Shoto is standing close to Dynamight. And if he moves, he comes back closer to the blond as fast as he can. Oh. Are they guarding each other's backs? Your eyes travel around the gym until you find Deku on the other side of the gym, fighting at least a dozen of the students, who are trying to get their one on one sparring. Of course, none of them win, other than detailed observations from the one third of the Big Three and a punch that knocks them out. 

An idea then surges in your head. The one creating way too much chaos is Bakugou Katsuki. Maybe, just maybe, if there's a way to distract Todoroki Shouto, you could have a chance to at least try to take Dynamight out.

Alright, maybe not completely out, but at least a punch or two. That would be satisfying enough.

Your eyes travel to your two best friends, and somehow –even though none of you have any telepathic Quirk– you all know what to do.

You three high five together before running to different parts of the gym. You run towards the build up rocks behind and explode some to create more small and medium ones. While doing this, Zyna is smartly distracting both third year students. Running, flying around them to just annoy them as they try to attack her with their Quirks, which is impossible to target her for how fast she is. Once you're done, Gouna is right there, arm expanding to create like a catapult to throw the rocks in their direction.

"Hey!" Deku yells, but he's been held back by his own fights to do anything. It's enough though to grab his other two classmates' attention.

It's your turn to smirk now at their surprised expression, excitement driving your whole system.

Bakugou's eyes find yours as you say, "Now you fucking die."

The rocks fly their way faster than they expect. Both of them fire at them to disintegrate the rocks into ash. And that's exactly what you wanted to happen. The ash creates a wall of smoke that won't let them see either of you.

Zyna helps Gouna to run fast towards Todoroki Shouto so she could evolve him with her elastic arms and legs, putting him out of the fight. One down.

And you… Fucking. Damned. Shit. Why do you always pick the hardest and most difficult fights? You don't know. But you always win. So, could you win against this big mountain?

Only one way to know…

The smoke helps you disguise yourself in it, but you can feel his careful and ready at all times stance. So you play. A spark of explosion from your ice here, and he answers with another of his own fire one. Creating more smoke. Funny. Another spark of your ice there, and he answers again, groaning in annoyance and pain when a sudden spark of your ice finds his left forearm.

"FUCK! FACE ME, YOU LITTLE SHIT!"

You chuckle maliciously from behind him, right at the moment your ice explosions hit the back of his knees. You're not stupid to even think that you'll be able to win a one on one. You need the advantage in height at least.

How's the saying goes? If the mountain won't come to Muhammad, then Muhammad must go to the mountain… Or well, in this case, you'll make Bakugou Katsuki, a.k.a. Hero Dynamight come to you.

Before Bakugou inevitably falls after that cold blast against the back of his knees that unbalanced him, he tries turning around and shooting whomever it's being a pain in his ass. He doesn't count with the knowledge of how small you are compared to him that you fit perfectly in between his stretched arms that are ready to shoot.

As he falls back, your crazed smile is the last thing he sees before an explosion of white and cold happens just in his goddamn face.

A hard and strong thud is heard as the smoke around finally dissipates, giving one impressive image that leaves everyone around stoic and in silence.

Bakugou Katsuki is laying on the floor. You're kneeling on his big chest, hands with spreading cold smoke, like snow, right at his face. His expression is one of complete taken aback and surprised. Like, he can not believe what just happened, as the smirk it's still on your face.

"Who's the fucking extra now?"

You're both inhaling rapidly, trying to bring your breathing back to normal. Your eyes won't leave his, completely enraptured in his deep ruby color, filled with so much fire it feels like he's trying to melt you. (And you would, if these were other circumstances.)

You then stand up and step back from him, smiling. You fucking won! And against this enormous and angry mountain! Fuck yeah!

He’s still lying on the floor, looking very surprised, so you laugh as you stretch a hand to help him up. Bakugou Katsuki takes it, a little side smile finally appearing as he shakes his head and stands. Now you definitely have to look up at him. Jesus, he’s way taller now up this close.

Before any of you says something, the annoying voice of Hamata Aiko says, "You're still an idiot," and he punches you on the side, making you literally fly meters away and hit your head with the wall.

The roaring scream of "HEY!" from several people is the last thing you hear before passing out.

.

When you next wake up, you encounter the kind smile of Recovery Girl.

"Hi, sweetie. How are you feeling? You took one hell of a punch…"

You groan. "Ugh, don't remind me… I'm going to fucking…"

"Language, dear."

"...kill him to pieces!"

She chuckles amused. "Alright, but first, you should rest. Then kick his butt." Her wink makes you smile in content as you relax in the infirmary bed.

"There are people outside waiting for me to report to them. Want them to get in, or should I tell them to come later?"

"It's okay, they can come in," you nod delicately, not wanting a new headache to deal with.

When Recovery Girl said they, you were expecting your two best friends. Not the Big Three entering the room in a hurry, especially the first one, the blond mountain who enters and walks directly at your side.

"How are you, Coldie?" Bakugou Katsuki asks, his big and calloused hand landing over your small one laying on the bed. You pull up an eyebrow at his nickname for you, but don't comment on it.

"I'm fine, Mountain. My left side still hurts a bit, but I have had it worse."

Bakugou Katsuki growls. Literally, like an angry dog.

“That kid was completely out of line,” protests Todoroki Shouto.

You sigh. “It’s Hamata Aiko. He needs to be the center of attention or he snaps.”

“I’ll snap him in two, give me a minute…” You don’t know if Bakugou it’s being serious or not, but the idea makes you snort as Midoriya Izuku exclaims, “Kacchan!” Todoroki just shakes his head and a small curve of a smile in his face.

“He’s being talked down to by Nezu-sensei. What he did… It's not okay at all. I hope he reconsiders his actions.” Midoriya says, in a stern but worried tone.

“What you and your friends did, on the other hand, was pretty impressive,” Todoroki says as both of his classmates nod, Midoriya more enthusiastically.

“I have never seen Kacchan so taken aback!”

“Shut up, nerd!”

“You were smart and fast and careful with all your moves. You took into consideration how different Kacchan was physically compared to you and you brought that to your own advantage! It was the true thinking of a hero in a dare situation! We were all impressed!” Midoriya rambles, his eyes shining now in true awe.

“Not to mention how in sync you and your friends were. I never expected being gripped like that by arms and legs functioning like ropes. It was funny, and smart,” Todoroki also comments while Midoriya nods in agreement.

You feel the tears in your eyes itchy, so you look down in shyness and smile.

“I… I just looked. Midoriya-senpai was on the other side of the gym, being held back by students so I knew he wouldn’t be able to do anything,” you look elsewhere but them, which is the window next to your bed, “and then I looked how Todoroki-senpai and Bakugou-senpai kept being close to each other, clearly looking for each others back, so I thought that the best option was to try and separate them. By looking at Todoroki-senpai using his quirk, I knew he was avoiding close contact combat, so I guessed that was his weakness. At least if you take him by surprise. So, I knew my friends were gonna be able to catch him. Me, on the other hand, I didn’t know what I was gonna do. I just knew I was gonna give my all to win.”

You finish shrugging, taking a deep breath to finally get the courage to look in the way the Big Three are standing.

They all look at you in complete amazement, pleased smiles on their faces.

“Another nerd alert,” Bakugou comments and Todoroki laughs.

Midoriya looks in reprimand in Bakugou’s direction, arms crossed over his chest. “Well, that nerd took you down very easily, without counting the times I also took you down…”

Todoroki then passes an arm around Midoriya’s shoulder in clear partnership as he prepares to pester Bakugou.

“There’s the fact that she is younger than you, Kacchan…” You think Hero Shoto has a death wish.

“I will blow both of your heads off,” Bakugou responds in a growl, pops already sounding from his hands. Both of his classmates snort in amusement.

Oh, yep, they all have a death wish.

“Oh! That reminds me…” Midoriya suddenly changes the subject, “Your Quirk.”

His eyes open wide and look at you in expectation. You tilt your head to the side a bit confused as you put your palm up and then make sparks of blue and white pop as the temperature around you gets colder.

“It’s a lot like yours, Kacchan, but…”

“Cold. Your explosions are cold.” Todoroki says, directing his hand from his cold side closer to your palm so he can feel the sparks.

“Did they discover how it’s produced?” Bakugou asks, looking very serious in your direction. But he isn’t angry, he’s just observing.

You shake your head. “They said it’s a composition of two or more chemicals, but they still can’t find which ones create this type of reaction.”

“That is a very important thing to know. I would investigate a bit if I were you. Knowing your Quirk to the fullest, even the small things, helps you be aware of the possible weaknesses and advantages you can have. That way you can be prepared at all times.” The professional tone in Bakugou’s voice leaves you mesmerized. He is… good. What he’s saying is so true, you haven’t actually thought about it.

“But, the doctors…”

“Doctors sometimes know shit.”

Midoriya physically slaps his own forehead while saying, “Kacchan..”

“He can’t help it. He’s an ass.” Todoroki snorts.

Bakugou decides to ignore them, not before stabbing them with his glare.

“What I’m fucking trying to fucking say,” you laugh at his foul mouth. He smiles a bit in your direction, “is that go beyond. You take the initiative to learn. Don’t wait for the teachers or doctors to tell you who you are.”

You can’t believe the Bakugou Katsuki is actually being nice and giving advice to you.

“You know who you are… Fucking number one, ain’t ya?” You nod smiling as he extends his hand closed in a fist so you can bump yours with his.

Midoriya’s big and proud smile makes you shy. And it's funny when he exclaims, “Plus ultra!”

Everyone laughs.

And, boy… Did you go plus ultra.

a.n; this will have a part two. 😉💥♥️❄️

[moonstruckme]

hey! I really really really like your writing very much!

can you do one where the reader and spencer reid are both nerds but different kinds of nerds. so the reader's more of a literature/ language nerd and spencer's basically an expert in LITERALLY everything. so she has a major crush on him but always hesitates to make a move on him cuz she thinks that she doesn't stand a chance because she struggles with basic math and physics chemistry make her head hurt

and so when spencer asks her out she's all baffled like you don't think I'm dumb?!😭😭

Hi, thanks honey!

Spencer Reid x fem!reader ♡ 1.3k words

It’s one of those rare days where you can actually afford a lunch break, and you’ve decided to take it outside with your book. Every day lately feels like it could be the last nice one you get before the cold weather comes in, and you’re enjoying the crisp breeze and warm sunshine on your face as you get settled on the bench outside the cafe where you work. 

The book you’ve been reading for the past week is good but not great; you’re sort of pushing yourself to finish just so you can say it’s over with and tell the friend who lent it that you gave it your best. Still, you’re very nearly lost in it by the time a pair of black converse comes to a stop in front of you. 

You follow them upward. “Spencer!” you say, probably with a touch too much alacrity. Too quickly, too. You might’ve at least pretended to have to think about the name of the sweet-faced doctor looking down at you. But it’s not your fault; you’ve gotten used to calling it out from the counter when he comes here to pick up his lunch at least three days out of the week. 

“Hi,” he says, teetering on the edge of bashful. “I’m surprised to see you out here, you’re almost always working when I come by.” 

It’s embarrassingly gratifying that he knows that. You’d never hold it against him if he didn’t, but you’ve come to enjoy the little bits of conversation you grab with him when he comes by, and it’s nice to know that he’s noticed you too. 

“It’s a slow day,” you reply by way of explanation. “I figured I’d grab a break while I still could.” 

Spencer smiles like he totally gets that. You imagine he does. “Good idea. Can I sit?”

“Of course!” Again, way too eager. You’ve got to work on controlling your tone around him. You move your discarded jacket into your lap. 

“Thanks,” he says, sitting in the space you’ve made for him. His legs are so long he looks like he’s squatting on the bench, knees high enough for him to set his elbows on. Which he does, tilting his head to see you. “What’re you reading?”

“Oh, um, it’s nothing. I mean, I wouldn’t really recommend it,” you laugh. Christ, you don’t want him to know what you’re reading. Spencer probably reads astrophysics textbooks for fun. “It’s not very good.” 

Spencer puts his hand over yours, far from forceful as he tips the page toward him until he can see the cover. Your brain is short-circuiting so badly it’s a wonder you don’t drop the paperback onto the pavement. 

“I haven’t heard of it,” he says, which surprises you. Spencer seems so knowledgeable it’s difficult to believe there’s anything in existence that’s not stored somewhere in his hard drive. “Why are you reading it if you don’t think it’s good?” 

He doesn’t ask it in any unkind or judgemental way, but something inside you tenses nonetheless. You know perhaps too much about Spencer Reid. It’s not like you’d gone out of your way to figure him out, but the facts had presented themselves to you almost serendipitously and you’d put the pieces together. You know that he’s in the FBI, not only because of the laminated identifier he sometimes leaves clipped to his shirtpocket when he comes in, but also because of the coworkers that occasionally come with him. From those coworkers, you also know that he’s a doctor, and you gather that he’s generally respected and admired as well as cared for by his team. He seems a bit awkward, but sure of himself where it matters, and he goes into every interaction with a kind curiosity. Most of all, you know that Spencer is smart. Like, expert in everything smart. You’d caught a few jokes from the people he’s brought in about an eidetic memory, his multiple PhDs, and the nickname “boy genius.” No matter how shy and sweet someone is, that’s intimidating. 

And it’s unnerving to have someone with an IQ higher than you can probably fathom asking about your intellectual habits. 

“Well, the plot doesn’t actually have much movement, so it’s pretty boring,” you say hesitantly. “I guess at this point I’m mostly in it for the prose. Plus my friend recommended it, so I have to finish it to keep her happy.” 

Spencer laughs at your little joke, nodding. “Wow, the prose alone is enough to keep you going? It must be pretty fascinating.” 

You want to backpedal immediately, but settle for a one-shouldered shrug. “It’s alright. I’m kind of a nerd for that stuff. Rhetorical devices and all.”

Spencer tilts his head, something igniting in his brown eyes. Interest. “Rhetorical devices. You mean like metaphor and personification?”

You nod. “Yeah, like those, but also anadiplosis and polysyndeton and anastrophe.” Spencer’s eyebrows move slowly upward as you speak, and you feel heat rising to your cheeks despite the slight chill. “I just like that there’s things that affect the emotion—or the pacing, or whatever—of writing that we as readers pick up on almost subconsciously, but were so intentional for the writer.” 

Spencer’s nodding, eyes going somewhere just slightly distant. “Yeah, that’s a good point. I mean, I know writing is a very intentional process, but I never really think about the tiny, word-level decisions authors make to influence readers.” 

“It’s so cool,” you agree. “Like, how long do you think it takes someone to land on the exact right word for what they’re trying to convey, or to structure their sentences in a way that builds momentum over the course of a paragraph? Like, so much goes into it.” 

Spencer’s smiling at you, and you realize you’re gushing, geeky zeal bursting out of you like a soda bottle that’s been shaken and finally uncapped. “Sorry. Um, what’re you reading lately?” 

“Don’t be sorry,” he says quickly, still smiling at you. “I actually just finished my last book, so I’m looking for something new. If this book has all that and isn’t up to your standards, I’d be interested to see what you really enjoy reading.” 

Your cheeks are burning hot; you hope Spencer thinks the redness is from the cool breeze. “I’d be nervous to give you a recommendation,” you admit. “Too much pressure.” 

Spencer waves you off. “I’ll read anything, don’t worry about it. Hey, have you ever been to that coffee shop on fifth? It’s in a bookstore.” 

You blink. “No, I haven’t heard of it. That sounds cool, though.” 

A bit of pink tinges Spencer’s cheeks; it’s probably from the cool breeze. “Yeah, well, you should let me take you there sometime. If you want, of course,” he adds hastily. “Don’t worry about it if not.” 

It takes you a second to realize what’s happening. And then once you do, another second to make yourself believe it. “Like, as a date?” you ask, just to be sure.

 Spencer’s smile is hopeful behind its timidity. “Yeah. Yeah, if you’re okay with that.” 

“Yeah.” You can’t think of anything better to say, your brain filling with buzzing bees. “That sounds good. Thanks.” 

He laughs, eyebrows coming together bemusedly. “Well, don’t thank me. I should be thanking you.” 

It’s more a thanks for his taking action, you think. For making a move when you’d been too scared to, stagnant with months over your anxiety that he’d think you were too dumb or trivial to want to keep talking to you after he’d picked up his sandwich. 

“Okay, great.” He stands. “Well, I have to get back, but I’ll, uh…I’ll see you? Friday, maybe? I can come by here after your shift.” 

“You know when my shift ends?”

Now even his ears are turning red. “You…around four, right? I sometimes see you if I’m leaving work around then.” 

You smile. “Yeah, four. See you then, Dr. Reid.” 

“See you then!” he turns around, and you can see the exact moment he thinks to wonder how you know his last name. You don’t bother worrying about it.

[charliegyrth]

Hey, Chubs! - Part 1 of 2

The Pool Party

Hey, people! Charlie here! I just did the math, and this is officially my 100th story on Tumblr (if I count each chapter as a separate story, which I do)! Feeling very proud of myself right now.

Anyway, hope you like this one.

***

You’re at Sammy’s pool party. You’re the only one in a speedo, so you feel a bit self-conscious. You have a nice bulge, especially for someone so tiny, but you hate how much of your body is on display.

Everyone else here is ripped and tan. You feel like a Q-tip standing next to them.

You’ve always been embarrassingly thin, and guys used to give you crap about it in high school. You’ve overcome those insecurities (or at least you thought you did), but now that you’re surrounded by fitness models like Sammy and his friends, all that teenage anxiety has come back.

You get out of the pool and immediately wrap a towel around your waist to hide how stalk-thin your legs are.

Sammy walks over. ���Hey, chubs!” he says. “Looks like you’re finally filling out.” He squeezes your sides, acting like you have love handles.

“Not funny, man,” you tell him. You’re surprised by the cruelty behind Sammy’s words. He’s never talked to you like that before.

“What?” he asks. “I think you look great with a little chub.”

You want to shout at him, but his face looks genuine. He’s being sarcastic, but he doesn’t sound sarcastic.

You sit with the other guys. They’re already eating hot dogs.

“Hey, big guy,” Rudy greets you. “About time you joined us.” He gives you a plate with three hot dogs already loaded up with mustard and ketchup. How could he possibly think that you’d eat so much?

You eat one of the hot dogs while the guys gossip about your friends who aren’t in earshot. When you finish your hot dog, you push the plate away. It doesn’t take a lot to fill you up.

Sammy sits across from you. “What’s wrong, chubs?”

You don’t know what to say.

“Yeah!” Lance chimes in. “Don’t be self-conscious about your appetite. We all know how much it takes to fill up this tank.” He slaps you on your flat stomach, acting like you have a gut.

Like Sammy, he doesn’t sound sarcastic.

“It’s my fault,” Sammy says. “I mentioned that he was filling out, and I think that got him a little self-conscious.” Then he turns to you. “It’s okay, chubs. Every friend group needs a fat guy. Just go for it.”

The others stare at you, waiting for you to keep eating.

This feels really weird. Why is everyone treating you like this? Can’t they see what you look like?

The pressure is too much for you, so you start eating the second hot dog. You already feel full, but it goes down easy.

Everyone watches. They’re all smiling.

“Here, try some of this,” Rudy says as he scoops a massive glob of potato salad on your plate.

This is already more food than you’d eat in a day, but you keep going. You finish the third hot dog and start on the potatoes.

The conversation continues, but you notice everyone glancing at you, just to make sure you keep eating. Somehow, those glances give you the motivation to fight past your fullness. Soon, your plate is empty and your stomach is throbbing.

You’re still confused, but you feel much more comfortable with your friends. You’re not fat, but you kind of like how they treat you like a fat guy.

Someone hands you a beer (you don’t know who) and you start drinking. It tastes great. You never drink beers, but you think you might start. They’re a lot more refreshing than you realize, and the bitterness helps settle your stomach.

You start to head back to the pool, but Sammy stops you. He wants to ask you something.

He gives you a bag of potato chips to go with your second beer. Sammy smiles and says, “You know, I just gotta say… I like this new side of you. And I think you look amazing.”

You reminisce about old times, but some of his memories are strange. He mentions meeting you at college, and working with you on some architecture projects, and going to movies together. You remember all of that. But then he mentions buffets, and wine-tasting, and filming your Chinese food mukbangs at his house.

He has all these memories of you eating, but you honestly have no idea what he’s talking about.

But you don’t correct him. You like hearing him talk. You like the attention he’s giving you.

As you finish the chips, he slides next to you and starts rubbing your thigh. Sammy has never shown any interest in you before, but now he can’t keep his hands off you. And he keeps calling you chubs.

At first, you think the nickname is weird, but the more he says it, the more you like it.

Once the bag of chips is empty, he takes you into his house. You can hear the guys giggling as the two of you leave. They know what you’re going to do.

He takes you into his bedroom and strips off your speedo. Then he steps back and takes a long look at you.

You catch your reflection in the mirror. You’re still stick-thin, but your stomach is rounded from all that food. But that’s not what Sammy sees.

He sees a fat guy. He touches your flat chest as if he’s playing with your moobs. “Damn, chubs. These are coming in nicely.” Then he grabs your bloated stomach and jiggles it even though there’s nothing to jiggle. “How much do you weigh now?”

You’re 130. You’ve always been 130. But you can’t say that. You want Sammy so badly, and you fear that if you say the truth, then whatever spell he’s under will end. “160,” you say.

He scoffs, as if you’ve just lowballed him. “Right, chubs.”

He guides you to his bed and throws you down. Then he strips off his swim trunks.

God, he’s huge. And he’s already rock hard.

He climbs on top of you and gives you the best sex of your life. You don’t object when he digs into his dresser and grabs a donut. Rams it into your mouth as he rams you from behind. You don’t object to the second donut, either. Or the fifth. Or the tenth.

You wanted this. You wanted Sammy to take you, and he is. Over and over.

He worships your body, feeling every inch of you as he claims you for himself. Then, when you’re both finished, he lies next to rub and rubs your stomach.

“You’re the first fat guy I’ve ever been with,” he admits.

You don’t know what to say, so you snuggle against him and fall asleep.

***

The next day, you’re at work when Sammy texts you. “I’d like to see you again.”

Your heart races. “Tonight?”

“Your place. I’ll bring dinner.”

You want to ask your coworkers if you look any different. Does everyone see you as fat now?

You’re too embarrassed to ask, though. And too afraid that if you say the words out loud, this spell will be over and you’ll lose Sammy’s interest.

You go about your day like normal, though you allow yourself to eat an extra slice of your coworker’s birthday cake in the break room. It tastes really good.

That evening, Sammy comes over with a huge bag of take-out from Lascari’s. He greets you with a kiss and then lays all the food on your table.

Your eyes widen. This is enough for at least five people. You don’t plan to overeat, but Sammy keeps complimenting your appetite and watching you with such lust, that you keep going. He barely eats anything while you gorge yourself for him.

Again, he asks you how much you weigh. “And be honest with me this time.”

“180,” you lie.

That still makes him scoff.

You’re painfully full when he takes you to the bedroom. Before he pulls off your clothes, he rubs your aching stomach. You don’t have a gut, but it still feels good. Really good. His hands help relieve the pressure.

And then he takes you. He doesn’t feed you this time. In a way, you’re grateful. You couldn’t possibly fit any more food into your stomach. But at the same time, you miss it.

When you both finish, he wraps you in his arms and whispers, “You’re beautiful, chubs.”

***

You don’t hear from Sammy for a week. You’re constantly thinking about him, but you’re too afraid to call.

In the privacy of your own home, you imagine Sammy’s hands on your body as you jerk off. It feels okay, but there’s something missing. The next time you do it, you use one hand to stuff yourself with donuts.

Okay, now it feels right. You’re full and satisfied.

After a few days, all the snacks in your house are gone and you have to go grocery shopping. You buy more snacks than you could possibly finish on your own. The unhealthiest ones, too. Lots of donuts and cupcakes.

You’re surprised by how fast those are gone. Even when you’re not touching yourself, the snacks still give you a sexual thrill. They remind you of Sammy.

On Saturday, you run into Rudy at the mall. You’re in the food court, eating an extra-large rice bowl from Panda Express. He’s surprised to see you there.

“Hey, man.” (You’re disappointed that he doesn’t call you chubs.) “What’s going on?”

You say that everything’s good. You mention how fun the pool party was.

“Yeah. Fun times.” He looks down at your food. It seems he wants to tell you something, but he stops himself. He just says, “Take care of yourself, man.” Then he hurries off.

You get a weird feeling from that exchange, but whatever.

Then, before you finish all your food, you snap a photo and send it to Sammy. “Eating lunch and thinking of you.”

He responds right away: “Can I come over tonight?”

Read Part 2 here. You can find all my stories here. And check out my gainer ebooks here.

[slythereen]

i want to discuss how charles is allegedly only 1.5cm shorter than max yet in the photos of them talking to that f4 driver (and on many other occasions), max looks so much taller and broader?? i know charles is a professional athlete and he’s not tiny at all but why does he make himself smaller like that all the time. like what is going on there. just a lot to unpack there psychologically.

i mean ... okay, with max leaning like he is, i guess an argument can be made for him looking taller. idk about much taller. i was actually just thinking about this recently when i saw something on twitter and now i'm going to go on a wild goose chase trying to remember which exact photo it was about, probably

but in the meantime! since we have so much content to study !!

charles has his chin tilted up a little bit here, but he actually looks marginally taller. i think, based on google's profiles at least, they're allegedly both 180. i do think max might actually be a wee bit taller, as suggested by evidence #2 (where max is, predictably, leaning again). onwards!

if you look at this other photo from the same moment as evidence #2...

max looks much taller again, but you can see that charles is learning / has his weight shifted.

a lot of messy angles here and charles is sitting down/leaning over for some of it, BUT, that lower left hand corner where they are both mostly standing straight and the ✨pretty handshake✨ are both suggesting much closer in height.

these two mess with me because they look fairly equal in height here... in both. despite max slouching impressively in the second. i can only conclude that charles is slouching more than it looks like he is, bc otherwise idk how to explain the science of that.

okay so max slouches and charles leans. and then max straightens and charles slouches. ????

mirroring each other's horrendous posture. okay. still looking roughly the same height. pls straighten up.

this seems better. max still has a knee bent a bit, so may be slouching a little. charles looks like he's standing straight, finally. max a smidge taller?

obligatory padel date, because they are conveniently next to each other. both leaning embarrassingly, charles actually looks a bit taller??? but also looks like he is leaning slightly less than max, which would explain it. additional hair floof may also contribute.

okay but charles is leaning significantly more than max, who looks like he is standing straight. and they appear to be the same height here. which... would mean charles is actually a smidge taller, minus the lean? math is not mathing.

conclusion: this information is simply information the world does not want us to have. charles isn't as short as people make it seem, i think, he just... slouches? or something??? like i swear sometimes it looks like he's standing straight but i'll see him next to someone i know he is as tall as / taller than (based on other photos) and be like wait. he must he slouching or something.

lbr there is one undisputed fact and it's that max is broader. like... charles isn't really the delicate slender that he gets characterized as, but he is leaner than max methinks. this is clearly important research.

[beababoobies]

Helloooo you asked for some Sally face requests and I have one 🤭

Can you write Larry x fem! Reader who struggles w anxiety like hurt comfort kinda thing 💗💗💗💗🫶 THANK UU

Hiya! Absolutely, I’d love to do that for you lovely! Enjoy :) and thank you for the request!

Calm Me Down, Work Me Up.

Larry Johnson X anxious fem!Reader,

(0.6k words)

You had been having the absolute worst day. Whether it was panicking about your math test with Ms.Packerton and convincing yourself you had flunked it, or the fact that you had gotten too nauseous looking at the mystery meat for lunch and been unable to eat, you had practically come to your breaking point.

Sitting in your boyfriends room, huddled up on the corner of his bed while he paints pretty strokes on a canvas, closing your eyes and trying to focus your attention on not falling victim to the current bout of over exhaustion and overstimulation that your brain was falling into, knees hugged tight to your chest as you took deep breaths.

You loved Larry dearly, you really, really did, but the way too loud hard metal music was tipping you over the edge. Normally, you’d bring your headphones or even be in the mood to head bang with him, but the time being? Before you could stop it, you started crying. Full on tears and sobs, falling harder into sobbing when you realized how embarrassingly loud you were crying when Lar turned off his music and came to sit next to you on his bed, looking at you with those confused brown puppy dog eyes.

“hey hey hey, baby, what’s wrong?” He cooed softly, watching you try to take a breath between the sniffles and sobs to actually explain yourself, wiping your cheeks on the back of your hand, watching the black of your eyeliner and mascara wipe off on your skin, sniffling and swallowing thickly as you finally got yourself to speak, closing your eyes as you took a deep breath, feeling him out his hand on your back softly, rubbing circles into your skin.

“I - I don’t know! I just, im so scared about my math test, and and, I don’t know, maybe my blood sugar is just too low right now? I don’t - I’ve been nauseous most of the day because of that stupid fucking mystery lunch meat, I just - I can’t.” You whine out, stopping to sob and whine a couple times, looking up at you with panda-black eyes from rubbing your makeup out all over your face.

“oh, babe, I’m sorry I didn’t notice. Do you want some water? Do you want to cry about it more? Or would you just like me to stop asking you questions when you don’t know what will help and I’ll just do my best?” He asks with a small smile, thick eyebrows pinched and droopy eyes looking into your face for answers, and you just offer up a weak nod, watching him get up to go get what you can only assume is a glass of water and some tissues, so you take the time to let out a few last dry sobs before he walks back into the room.

”here you are my love” he coos softly, handing you a glass of water and watching you bring it up to your shaky lips, taking small sips of it and swallowing softly, leaning in to kiss you on the forehead before taking the empty glass of water from your shaking hands, putting it back on the bedside table before gently placing you to face towards him, gently wiping off the remaining smudged makeup from around your eyes, whatever you hadn’t cried off.

“t-Thank you.” You hiccup out quietly, looking down at your hands, before being wrapped in a warm hug by your beloved boyfriend as he places gentle kisses to your hair, reassuring you as you start to come back to your senses and your own emotions, silently cradled in your boyfriends arms.

~

hope you enjoyed strawberry!! I love your user it’s super cute! <3 sorry it was a little short!

[machveil]

You know the game, every even one

For 36) What is your favorite reptile?

all the evens for beloved pookie✨

2. When is your birthday? - February 23🎀✨

4. What is your favorite book? - Phantom Tales of the Night (2016-2019), I just need the last volume

6. 5 Male celebrity crushes? - I don’t think I have any celebrity crushes, but I can list actors and their roles I liked

Channing Tatum as Remy “Gambit” LeBeau, Lewis Pullman as Robert “Bob” Floyd, Andrew Garfield as Peter “Spider-Man” Parker, Dylan O'Brien as Joel, and Andrew Russell as Boothill’s VA

8. What is your dream job? - storyboard artist for animations

10. What is a fact about you that nobody would believe? - uuh, I don’t know, I think all my personal facts are pretty believable. maybe that I hoarded chip bags in my locker in high school? I’d give my combo to my friends so they could grab snacks between classes, they called my locker a free vending machine. probably 2ft worth of chip bags in there vertically at all times

12. Where is somewhere you'd like to visit? - top of the list is South Korea! I’m half Korean on my mom’s side. neither of us have been there and we’d like to go someday. otherwise, Canada is across the pond and I wouldn’t mind visiting (or moving there low-key at this point, like🫩)

14. What are your favorite apps besides tumblr? - Instagram and Pinterest, I like sending reels to my friends and looking at pretty pictures. I definitely use Instagram more since I have two accounts, but I think I enjoy Pinterest more because it’s just boards and pictures I like

16. What do you think makes you attractive? - I do genuinely like my laugh, but maybe my loyalty to my friends too? I mean, I think that’s attractive in other people, so going off that I could see that being a good quality in myself lol. I’m pretty ride-or-die with my friends, I have a close knit group and I like being there for them

18. What is something you're really bad at? - embarrassingly miserable at math. I usually carry a calculator on me even though my phone has one. numbers just don’t make sense to me, especially equations

20. What's a totally random and useless fact that you know? - Baby’s Breath (flower) is scientifically called Gypsophila paniculata

22. What is your most prized possession? - clumping all my sketchbooks together for one mega prized possession

24. When did you first feel like an adult? - starting college, realizing I had to choose classes on my own time was miserable. like, I knew going in, but then it hit me that I’m in charge of what I’m actually doing. also, maybe writing a witness statement after being in a car accident, that was pretty adult-feeling to me

26. How are you feeling right now? - a little sleepy and a touch too warm

28. Do you believe in love at first sight? - I believe in it for some people. I don’t believe in it for myself, I have to get to know someone really well to actually develop feelings. that said, for other people I’m sure it can happen. one of my grandpas literally saw my grandma across their quad and he had that moment. they’ve been happily married for years and I do believe they had a love at first sight moment. personally though, I’d need more lmao

30. What does self care look like for you? - other than spa day shenanigans, just enjoying not doing anything productive. I stress out over a lot of stuff and sometimes I just need a couple hours to do nothing of substance

32. What makes you nervous? - so much. phone calls? yikes, messaging friends and mutuals? oh my god, I don’t want to make a fool of myself. I also get nervous being alone sometimes and that’s not the best lmao

34. What will always make you cry? - Of Mice and Men (1937) and confrontation. Of Mice and Men had me sobbing in a bathroom because of Lennie. confrontation, even super minimal confrontation, just makes my eyes start to water, I don’t know why. I actually genuinely hate it because there’s usually no reason to tear up and then I feel like crap because I don’t want to make someone feel bad that my eyes are watering and I start to cry more because I feel guilty

36. (freebie) What is your favorite reptile? - my favourite reptile hands down is the basilisk lizard. as someone who can’t swim I respect them running on water. also, they’re cute, I love their frills. they were also from my favorite Wild Kratts episode so there’s some bias—

[clawbehavior]

@eyesof-kkomi @fourth-quartet @killerandhealerqueen thanks for the tags, kings

12 questions, 15 people 🎶

1. Are you named after anyone?

yes! an insanely talented woman who could recite pages of text from memory 

2. When was the last time you cried?

several hours ago when i watched the latest episode of Shogun. hiromatsu, you're a real one. 

3. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

less now, simply because i use sarcasm when i feel insecure but now i recognize it happening. that's how i use it but other people use it humorously, wittily etc  

4. What's the first thing you notice about people?

how they occupy space. that usually means how confident they stand, look, walk etc. but it's a 50/50 on whether my impression is accurate. the habit started as a way to quickly categorize people as safe or unsafe so it's instinctive but i am learning to not do that 

5. What's your eye colour?

brooooown

6. Scary movie or happy ending?

happy ending even if the other option wasn't a scary movie! 

7. What are your hobbies?

writing ff, taking walks while listening to music, and photographing nature on my phone 

8. Do you have pets?

no but i love my bestie's two cats. miss you T&F

9. What sports do you/have you played?

in elementary school i was very good at hockey. my brother used me as his goalie so i learned the hard way. in middle school my parents took me out of all extra curriculars that weren't academics so i stopped playing structured sports.

i really want to start biking as an adult but my thighs and lungs tire embarrassingly fast that i feel awk trying knowing i'll be lugging my bike around when i tire out. but i'm v into the idea. i also want to get better at swimming in the deep end. 

10. How tall are you?

5'7

11. Favourite subject in high school?

math! i had a good teacher. i don't remember a single thing now and rely on my calculator for basic arithmetic but i still remember how awesome that guy was. miss you, Mr. H

12. Dream job?

something with maps and mapping services to increase access. 

tagging @briwates @thedeviljudges @technitango @rocknghorss @tenderlywicked @mid-n0vember @fr-wiwiw @neurotic-nereid @chu-fei @lienwyn @little-arcadia @batzmaru65 and anyone who likes asks games so i know to tag you in the future! feel free to pass ofc

here's the real list of 15 questions

[dawning-day]

top 15 tv shows (in no particular order except i did number them bc otherwise i would forget to do 15)( love u @soleadita and fuck with the icon change immensely)

crashing (2016) call me marissa cooper the way i am ruthlessly stealing this pick but yeah it's. it's insane and fantastic and terrible and beautiful and so much happens so fast but its so so important to me

inside job (it's gross and weird and funny and sad and it's one of the only times i was genuinely upset when i heard about a show being cancelled)

young justice (pointing at an on fire garbage can - this is my son and i love him)

gilmore girls (comfort media of all time what else do you need)

bob's burgers (similar to the above it's very i am falling asleep to the weird bisexual man who is a mess at all times except for how much he loves his family)

fleabag (why yes i have a perfectly normal relationship with the catholic church and the concept of being truly known. why would you ask. and yeah i real life cried)

yuri on ice (idk if anime counts but fuck around and find out this is My List (tm)) ((it's beautiful and soft and lovely and sad and stressful and i listened to the instrumental track so many times it was on my spotify top songs. it's literally just a piano and a boy with a dream and i have wept about it))

given (it's the first anime i ever watched all the way through which in retrospect, fucking insane way to come out of the gate. as a Band Kid (tm) who wanted to be a theater kid but was bad at speaking in front of groups of people, this show did a lot to my psyche in the best way possible)

will (enough with the tears its time for something almost embarrassingly niche. in 2017 TNT had a drama series about william shakespeare and to this day it remains one of the greatest things ive ever seen. jamie campell bower plays the sluttiest version of christopher marlowe you've ever seen in your life. it's chaotic and ridiculous and i absolutely adore it. i have no idea where to find it im pretty sure they want us to forget it exists but i cant)

numb3rs (silly little show about a nervous man who solves murder with the power of math and being a pathetic little wife guy to the hottest woman ive ever seen. theres an episode about trains that i think rewired something in my brain)

white collar (look at me. obviously im a white collar guy. come on now)

invincible (i think ive seen the pilot episode like 4 times. i genuinely think it redefined to me what superhero media could be. oh i adore it more than anything. it's only 9 because i haven't seen season 2 yet but holy shit. holy shit. media of all time. if you want to know me fundamentally and wholly please watch the pilot. i'll watch it again anytime im not kidding)

teen titans (cherished childhood media of all time. only group of people who have ever understood dick grayson)

bridgerton season 2 (i'm bias on account of just finishing it yesterday but holy shit two people have never been in love like they are in love)

the flash (cw) (im sorry to both my mother and god for this one but unfortunately i don't have taste and also it's the reason i started caring about dc in the first place which is the reason i got back on tumblr and met all the cherished gay people in my telephone so yeah. barry allen's allowed to be cringe as fuck i owe him everything)

leo already tagged everyone i know on here but if u see this pls do it and @ me im nosy

[museenkuss]

About coquette and zodiac, a while ago there was a post about the increase of books about astrology and how "feminine" instinct is becoming again popular. I like astrology in a wider sense, it's fun to read and to forget as soon as I have finished it, but as the girldinner/money/maths s raising the irrational/instinctual is more and more attached to women, as if we know something it isn't bc we are observant/knowledgeable but bc of our instincts. I recommend it to you, it was a pretty popular post

That's a really good point! I think you might be referring to the post that included the Le Guin quote in a reblog, the "why should we feel blindly while men get to think" one. I really like the post, I've tried to find it again but all I came up with are reddit screenshots so far.

And I agree with you completely. Reading zodiacs etc is fun to me, too, but it's really frustrating to see how that little past time fits in with the tiktok girldinner bs. And I do definitely think that it extends to the divine feminine, dark feminine, feminine urge bs as well, which is sadly and embarrassingly still a thing on tumblr. There is, generally speaking, a current trend of women leaning so heavily into (regressive) pseudoscience without realising it diminishes their worth and takes weight from what they have to say. Very worrying to see.

[piatosniathenie]

Math Reflection 🌸 __________________

Upon my entry here to Pisay, I quickly learnt that the math I’d be learning would be more advanced in comparison to my friends in DepEd. Now, as a freshie who was in the seventh grade who was adjusting to both Pisay and dorm life, it was still quite alright since most topics were ones that I was already familiar with thanks to my former elementary coach. My grades were still thriving like they were before, but midway through, they started dropping little by little. So, my head may have internalised the saying that I was so smart in math that I was smarter than them in the subject and I got too prideful that I stopped doing math exercises during the pandemic. I understand now that it was quite naive of me to think that I was that smart in math that I no longer needed to practice solving and that I can understand concepts within the drop of the hat. I forgot the entire reason why I got good at math in the first place back in elementary: practice, practice, and even more practice. Eight hours a day for five days a week for three months for four years straight and that doesn’t even include summer training sessions for competitions and Saturday MTG sessions, all of which were just dedicated to learning mathematics. Now, you may ask what my point is in all of this. The aforementioned was just to give you a background of how it now leads to my Math 3 learning journey, or more specifically, the second quarter portion. So, yeah, that was just the prologue! Now, here’s the actual story that will talk about the stepping stones I had to get through during the second quarter of this school year!

Transitioning from Math 2 which was our introductory course to LETV, quadratic equations, functions, and of course, graphs ✨. We were taught the basic concepts which were essential as they would all be built up in the coming year levels. By the end of Math 2, I had better learning habits than I did at the beginning of it and was practicing more (minus the days I felt like I was at an all-time low and had no motivation to do anything) but hey, at least they improved and it paid off since my grades became higher(ish) (shout out to ma’am for helping me and making us create outlines for the topics!! mwa mwa). The ninth grade soon rolled along and we were back to refreshing former topics that we were taught in our earlier years and of course, they were more difficult than we remembered. First quarter was fine (ignoring the FAs I got embarrassingly low scores on due to my lack of practice and rush cramming. Not a good habit, I’m very much aware). We went through angles, geometry, reruns of the midpoint formula, and more. 

Finally, here we are at the second quarter and wow, I don’t think I’ve disliked graphs more than I do now, more specifically transformations. I apologise, that was blunt, but I will explain more into that in the later paragraphs. In the beginning, it was fine since it was just division with polynomials, factor theorem, and remainder theorem. Sounds nice, right? They were fairly easy topics that anyone could grasp quickly and were just a refresher from grade 7. After the two week break/suspension, we were taught rational root theorem and Descartes’ rule of signs. Again, easy enough topics once you get the hang of it and practice a lot, which I did during the break. The topics I mainly struggled with were functions mainly due to the fact that it required knowing how to interpret graphs (my Achilles’ heel 😭), but more on that later on. Before I knew it, we were taking our first long test of the quarter. Did I cram? Yes. The result you may ask? I failed miserably. An astounding ten out of thirty. Thankfully, our teacher was kind enough to give us another long test to make up for it so the majority of us wouldn’t fail. Again, I reviewed/crammed, but I had a better understanding of the topics this time after we went over our mistakes in the first LT. When the scores were revealed, I surprisingly got a 20 out of 30 in spite of me not reviewing as much as I was supposed to. Then again, the concepts were familiar and were easy to grasp and it just required comprehension. I will not forget what my teacher said as he gave me my score: “Wow, nagreview talaga ‘to,”. Sir, alam mo po ba na natulog lang ako for the entire lunch break before the LT. Hihi, I’m sorry, but thank you for the retake!! 

Afterwards, we mainly focused on transformations for the remainder of 2024. Now, despite the amount of exercises given to us and the numerous sessions we had on GeoGebra, I still did not have a good grasp on it as much as our other lessons. Everyone else said that it was one of the easiest, but I don't know. I guess I’m not as “literate” as others when it comes to graphs or my mind simply didn’t process it. Either way, I should practice on it. However, when it comes to the ones I was proficient with and a topic that I will want to carry with me for the rest of my life is the division of polynomials. It was quite relaxing in a way and I enjoyed doing it inspired me to exercise my basic arithmetic skills every once in a while.

Learning all of these lessons was certainly not an easy feat for me to do due to the other requirements and lessons I had to focus on as well which usually did not leave me enough time to concentrate on solely math. I have my friends to thank for teaching me at midnight and between classes, especially in transformations >.<. Shout out kay Joseph for being my math tutor since grade 7. Sir Joseph, thank you for not giving up on our batch no matter how hard-headed and stubborn we are and for always diligently giving us the resources we need to review. Lastly, Pia, I am begging you to do more math exercises if you want your grades to go up. Go back to your former learning habits and just keep on practicing, I swear that��s the only way you’ll go back to being your former self from elementary (don’t forget rest). Mwa!

[starlingsrps]

no one's ever had me, not like you.

sid is in the lobby when her train arrives and if dorey didn’t know any better, she’d assume he was tired. it’s well into july and this is the first time they’ve one whole free day line up together, not that she hasn’t been embarrassingly eager for this since the invasion. that it’s also the same day she’s due back in london for her parents anniversary party tomorrow can’t be helped and really, since jessa is supposed to pick her up at victoria at seven, it’s really more like a few hours than anything else. 

speaking for herself and fully planning to take it to her grave, she couldn’t bear to wait any longer to see him. 

“nice dress,” he says with a wolfish smile that makes her want to roll her eyes. it’s the same red one from their date a few weeks ago, her best one at this point. she’d debated but she could be an adult if he could be - and frankly, she doesn’t know what she expected. “looked better on the floor.”

now she does roll her eyes. “that’ll do, major.”

he sweeps her up, swinging her once to make her laugh before setting her on her feet. still, she doesn’t let go yet, not quite ready to do so. he sighs into her neck, hands skimming down her sides. she hadn’t realized until now how much she missed him or how happy she’d be to see him in one piece. it mortifies her and staggers her at the same time but still, she squeezes just a little harder. there’s a relief when he squeezes back. “it’s just really good to see you,” she murmurs. 

his lips brush against her hair. “it’s really good to see you too.”

just a moment longer before they split apart and move down the platform like it didn’t happen. “i thought we could walk around newnham for a bit and get lunch?”

“sounds good.”

they walk over to newnham, hands brushing occasionally but he never takes it, no matter how much she tries to will it into happening. newnham always makes her feel more like herself. it was the first place she felt like she fit in perfectly and passing through the gates immediately puts her at ease. she points out her old dormitory and lecture halls before they turn into the gardens.

“i’m too stupid and poor for this place,” he says.

“i wish you wouldn’t say that.”

“that i’m poor? baby, i’m sorry. i thought you knew.”

“now you tell me. i thought all americans were rich cowboys.”

he laughs. “i mean, i’ve worked for those guys. that close enough?”

“you’re not stupid.”

“i can be pretty stupid. don’t you have to know those old greek bastards and shakespeare and shit to get in here?”

she shakes her head. “yeah but-“

“and there’s letters in your kind of math, dore.” he shakes his head. “i can’t do that.”

“and my type of math is very useless.” he gives a derisive snort and she slaps at his shoulder. “yes it is. you can fly and fix anything.”

“most things.”

“i could teach you math with letters. i nearly burned down the house to last time i tried to fix our heat pump.”

“i like you being the brains,” he says, his hand slipping into hers now. “sexy.”

“should have known you were always harboring dirty tutor fantasies.”

he kisses her on the neck, the brim of his hat bumping her. “only with you.”

“then let’s get you to the library so we can get started.”

“lead the way. i might learn something yet.”

[arachnid-party]

chiptune music: this obscure youtube channel makes really good chiptune music, i have no idea if they upload anywhere else i will have to check. another banger is rolling down the street in my katamari (which you may have heard before? it got pretty popular when sir pelo used it in a video)

there’s also this really really good musician on youtube that has like 200 subscribers that i can’t remember the name of but they have absolute jaw dropping bangers some of which are chiptune. i will get back to you on this one when i find them again.

for emo i honestly. don’t know? i’m embarrassingly unfamiliar with what makes the genre emo music. what i can recommend you is a genre called math rock which i’ve been told sounds a little like midwest emo. it features weird time signatures, changing tempo, and the most insane fucking guitar solos you’ll ever hear in your life. here’s a good instrumental playlist on youtube that fills me with whimsy, and here’s the same one that’s on spotify (missing a few songs). there’s also a playlist of the classic math rock songs, which are also fucking bangers that you should listen to (there is a little bit of screaming in the last playlist but it’s melodically good enough for me to not get overstimulated and turn to dust)

shaking a tin can

music recs? spare music recs?

[noah-liketheboat]

I’ve recently begun using a wheelchair. Here’s the scoop.

I also started using forearm crutches even more recently but we’ll get to that in a second post bc this one got too long

I got my chair for $325 on OfferUp. It’s a motion composites Helio A6, and it has some fancy cushions on it. All in all I got it like 88% off of original price and it’s in pristine condition. Well, it was, until I brought it home and within 24 hours my cat scratched the (pink!!) paint job and put holes in the cushions. Thanks Misty. It now lives in the back of the car for its protection.

I put a clip-on cup holder on it and purple/white spoke covers. It’s pretty sick.

I use my wheelchair instead of walking/standing probably 30-40% of the time.

Personally

Oh my god it’s helped so much. I have so much more energy. I don’t flinch when I stand or walk. I can wait in line for food. I’m not dizzy, embarrassingly sweaty, and spacey just from standing in line anymore.

Because the previous owner spent literally $1,000 on special cushions (seat and back), I have the comfiest seat in any room 96% of the time. 10/10 would recommend. It helps with the back pain too obvi but first and foremost it’s so comfy.

I can go to the zoo. I get into the zoo for free because college but I can’t ever go because I can’t tolerate walking and standing for so long. But now I can go to the zoo!

I have more energy at the end of the day to participate in household chores and life. Before this, all my time was spent either in school or trying to recover enough to go to school again. Even doing my homework was difficult because of the fatigue, let alone date nights, hobbies, cooking dinner, sweeping the floors… it caused a lot of tension between me and my partner as well as my general being miserable.

Very steep learning curve. Very steep strength curve.

The ramp to my math class isn’t a steep grade but it’s long. When I started using it, I had to wheel up backwards. I got out of breath very easily and my shoulders were always aching something awful after going between classes. Now that hill is quite manageable and I only have sore shoulders if I’m going really fast or really far.

Wheelies. An unexpected but important skill. One that I am not good at. It took me weeks to get my wheels off the ground at all, but once I did I had a huge improvement and quickly was able to get my wheels ~6 or 8 inches off the ground. I still can’t sustain it though. I use them to go over bumps and get started up awkward ramps sometimes.

It’s been an amazing improvement to my life. I’m more independent, in less pain, happier, and more energetic. I should’ve done it earlier.

Observations:

People are weird. They talk to me more. Like, strangers ask me how my day is going in the elevator, people make small talk when they hold the door. This isn’t necessarily negative, but it is weird.

Kids stare. Adults also stare but they try to hide it. I don’t mind when kids stare though. They’re just curious and unaware.

I’m always a little nervous to ever stand up or walk out in public in case someone either thinks it’s a miracle and starts praising the lord or like hate-crimes me for “faking.”

When I wheeled in to all my classes after spring break, my teachers and seat mates were all instantly “oh my god what happened are you ok???” It’s a little awkward to explain that it’s just nerve damage that’s been getting worse.

People usually say “I’m so sorry” or “I hope you get/feel better soon!” And it’s like. I know their intentions are good, of course, but I don’t want people to be sorry! This has been an amazing life change for me! Also I’m not getting better, certainly not any time soon, and conversation gets awkward after that.

I think when I tell people it’s not really a “get better” thing, I think they at least subconsciously think it’s terminal or something?? Like. I’m not dying of nerve damage. I had nerve damage before spring break too. It’s just I finally decided to do something besides suck it up and hope I can make it through the day.

My campus is not as accessible as I once thought. The main culprit? UNLEVEL SIDEWALKS. They are the bane of my existence. My right arm will be pumping like my life depends on it and my left will be almost doing nothing. And then later when I’m doing the other way it’ll be the opposite.

There’s no ramp on the other side of one of the buildings I walk through to get to class. That was awkward.

There’s also a lot of cobblestone-type walking areas. Not only are they hella bumpy to wheel on, but they’re old and not well maintained. The cracks between slabs and the potholes can and will eject me from my chair if I’m not careful.

Funny story #1:

I rolled into the disability center on campus to take a test, as per usual (extended time and testing environment accommodations) and they had me wait while they got everyone else seated, which was weird, and then the testing coordinator came over to me and sat down next to me and was like “heyy how are you?” And I was like “I’m good, I’m good! Ah, well—*gestures to chair* yknow.” And she goes “Yeahh of course… so is this… new?”

Is it new??? Ma’am you see me every three weeks on the dot for tests, and every time for the past two years I’ve walked in on my own two feet, and today I come rolling in as I’ve transgendered into a vehicle. Yeah it’s new!!

Don’t worry I didn’t say that. I said “yeah, well, kind of. The chair is new, but the reasons aren’t. It’s just helping me a lot and my life is easier with it.” or smthn like that and she was like “oh ok good cool great”

Anyways, she just needed to tell me essentially that she would have me take my test at a height-adjustable table. Same room, same everything. Just instead of sitting in a test cubby I’d be at what’s essentially one of those standing desks. I was all nervous just for her to sit me at a table I can crank up and down like an old car window.

Funny Story #2

I’m rolling across the courtyard(??) in front of the library where they were having one of those random college of business things with tents everywhere. You’re aware. Just trying to get to class.

I hear “Hey! Excuse me, hey!” from behind me and I turn my head to see a girl frantically waving me down running across the grass. Naturally I’m intrigued.

She gets to me, a little out of breath, and then goes “Would you be interested in playing tennis?”

I look down at my chair. I look back up at her. “Ah… no…”

She was talking about adaptive tennis. Which I could’ve guessed probably but I was caught so off-guard and I was real confused.

She invited me to join the adaptive sports program/club thing, which is headed by a disabled professor but run entirely by able-bodied students (who get a class credit for volunteering with the organization, essentially). I told her I was really new so probably not, but I was willing to look into it. She gave me the professor’s email and I sent him an email like “hey one of your students flagged me down to talk abt adaptive sports but I’m shit at wheelchairing so probably not but I’d love to meet up and chat and get to know more about the program and stuff.”

It’s been a month. I haven’t gotten a reply or acknowledgement or anything.

All the stuff I can find about the program is obviously directed towards able-bodied students wanting them to volunteer or take the class. The Instagram has a post with each student in the class getting a slide with their lil intro and stuff. The professor only appears in group shots. At any rate I’m not that invested.

Personal Relations

Abled ppl when I told them I’m getting a wheelchair: oh no!! I’m so sorry!! What’s wrong!! That’s awful!! :((((

Disabled ppl when I told them I’m getting a wheelchair: omg that’s amazing I’m so happy for u :)

One exception to the able bodied trope: my youth group Bible study, surprisingly. I was sharing that I was really feeling a lot of turmoil about my decision and all that jazz and they were like “just do it. you already know it’s the right choice, and ur strong enough to do it” and they all “oohed” and “ahhed” when I rolled up with it next week. 10/10 queens.

My wheelchair has caused so many personal relationship issues in my life. So many.

Suddenly everyone’s a medical expert in me specifically. Everyone besides me knows what’s best, and what’s best is not a wheelchair. People who used to ask me what was wrong with them when they had a tickle in their throat or fell on their foot funny have apparently become scholars on complex hashimotos, nerve damage, neuropathy, and any and all suspected other conditions I may have. I wonder when they had time to do that, since they still don’t know how to care for a simple kitchen injury.

When I point out that the alternative to the wheelchair is constant+worsening pain and ask them if that’s what they think is best, these overnight medical experts get all huffy and don’t have an answer.

I have done extensive research about all my diagnosed conditions and possible ones over the course of many years. I’ve been in and out (mostly out) of at least a dozen doctor’s offices and done several rounds of different types of PT. I also live in my body 24/7. One of my earliest memories is of waking up my aunt at night during a sleepover because my nerve pain wouldn’t let me sleep. I wasn’t any older than 4. Back then the only words I had were leg cramps and growing pains.

I didn’t know my pain was abnormal for a long time. I’m good at hiding it. I’m good at “pushing through.” I experienced severe medical neglect, to the point of it being life-threatening, for nearly 2 years in the TTI and I was punished any time I tried to advocate for myself and my needs or really even talked about how I wasn’t physically well.

Basically I gave up trying to truly tell people how bad my quality of life was when I was about 16 because I wasn’t believed and I was often punished and/or had it used against me.

Nevertheless, everyone (read: my partner, my parents, and my partner’s parents) in my life thinks that I’m terrible awful wrong bad lying etc. for using the chair.

I’ve been using it for ~2 months and this is the first week my partner hasn’t argued with me about it or made an unnecessary comment. #1 worst thing they’ve said is that I’m “neglecting half of my body” by not walking 24/7. Oooh that made me mad. I do my PT almost every day, I stretch every day, I know exactly what almost every ache and pain originates from, I check in with my body constantly throughout the day. But I’m “neglecting it.” Not to mention that after my second appointment my Doctor specifically said he wants me using the chair until at least June.

My partner was originally very supportive, but then they talked to their mom and suddenly everything changed and they are borderline vindictive about my chair. Their mother is a Doctor, true, but most of her career she was a PICU nurse and also knows exactly nothing about my medical history except that I’m allergic to pecans and walnuts. Oh, and their dad has a friend who cured hashimotos by going gluten free, so obviously I’m just not trying hard enough or smthn. ((I’ve been almost gluten free before. No change.))

I cried every week about their attitude towards/comments about my chair except for this one. Every time I felt confident about it I would remember everything they said and my shoulders would physically slump. But no matter how many times I brought up how hurt and uncared for I was feeling, it ended up with me crying and them being either the same or more solid in their beliefs.

My therapist is a saint.

On the brightish side, my family and partner have finally begun taking my health and chronic issues seriously. I went to the Doctor two weeks after I got the chair and got started on a new medicine (a loop diuretic if anyone’s curious).

My mom keeps asking if I’m “better yet” and it’s really hurtful for some reason? She wants to know all my improvements, but when I start to say how my chair has helped so much, she cuts me off and says “no I mean the medicine.”

I am on the lowest dose they make, and I only take it every other day. I haven’t lost any weight since starting it (loop diuretics work by flushing excess water out of your body via peeing every twelve seconds, and this leads to weight loss. It’s estimated I’m carrying ~30lbs in water weight). Again, it’s been nearly two months. I’m the pissmaster 9000 every other day.

My mom at some point said she just “can’t accept that I’m in a wheelchair at 20.” My brother in Christ, what does that even mean? I’m not even using it full-time, or even the majority of the time.

I’ve had a follow up with my Doctor since I started but he kept me on the same dose even though I told him I haven’t lost any weight. Cest la vie.

He did tell me he wants me using the chair until at least June, and if all goes well he’ll start me in (another round of) PT, and it sounded like he wanted me doing decently intensive PT because he asked if I was in school in June and said it was good I wasn’t. If I go to PT, the chair usage advice will be passed on to them.

This post got far too long. I’ll split my crutches experience into a separate post and link it here once it’s up.

The chair herself. Yeah it’s in a bathroom don’t worry about it.