#and i know i'm smart and capable

[beelzzzebub]

the only thing getting me through is the thought that i don't have physics lab next week

[hailsatanacab]

@the-ghost-trader - ooooh, i love this! it has the potential to be so incredibly sad, too, like poor Damian just trying to carve out something normal for himself only for it blow up in his face

BUT, shockingly, i'm not about the angst today! not yet anyway 😇

---

“So, how was your day?”

Despite his answering groan, Damian likes this. This. This whole… thing he has with Danielle. With Ellie. 

And, yeah, he’s not exactly told any of the others yet, but can you blame him? For wanting to keep something, anything, to himself. Wanting to keep this small little slice of goodness he’s managed to carve out, untouched and unmarred by his family, by their other lives, by the rogues, the vigilantes, the assassins, everyone.

“That bad, huh?”

Being with Ellie is freeing. That’s the best way to describe it.

She knows. Damian surprised even himself when he told her—not about the others, mind, but he supposes it’s not hard to put two and two together and Dani has always been smarter than most—but it’s the best decision he’s ever made, and no matter what the niggling little voice in the back of his head says (the one that sounds suspiciously like Father), he can’t bring himself to regret it.

He won’t. Because having Ellie know gives him freedom.

She’s a safe place, a hand to hold, a warm, welcoming presence when things inevitably turn ugly. It’s the freedom to just be normal when everything else in his life spirals into stranger and more stressful missions.

“Richard is being insufferable again. I do not understand his incessant need to know everything about my life.”

“Oh? What’s he done now?” 

“I was subjected to an hour long interrogation about my love life, like it’s any of his business. It’s infuriating!”

“Ugh, tell me about it. I get the same thing from Jazz, constantly. It can be suffocating.” Ellie says as she curls herself tighter into his side. “But it’s just how they show they care.”

“Yes, well, sometimes I wish he wouldn’t—”

“Hey!” Ellie pushes herself up to glare at him, punctuating her shout with a soft whack to his arm for good measure. “What have I said about using that word?”

“Yes, yes,” he placates with a roll of his eyes, “‘Be careful what you wish for.’ I apologise, it won't happen again.”

“Damn straight it won't.”

She maintains eye contact with him for a second longer before tucking herself back into his side, squirming around with a long, contented hum that Damian can feel rumble through him. He smiles and doesn’t complain even when he has to shift to give her more room after a particularly strong elbow jabs him in the ribs. It means leaving the warm patch on the couch, but he’s rewarded with another long, happy moan as she settles and Damian can’t bring himself to mind.

Ellie constantly makes noises. Little mews and hums and laughs and songs known only to her. It reminds him of a cat, sometimes. He likes it. It calms him down; it means she’s happy, so he's happy.

They settle back into the cushions and Damian lets the subject drop, not wanting to spoil the moment. Outside, the wind changes direction and from where he’s laying he can watch as the snow starts to come down thick and heavy. Hopefully it’ll mean a quiet night's patrol.

“Is that why you haven’t introduced me yet?”

“What?” He can't help it, he stiffens at the thought of losing his secret, of the scrutiny he'll be inviting if he lets anyone know.

“Are you worried I’ll embarrass you?”

Damian’s eyes snap down quick to reassure her, only to see her light, teasing grin. He lets out a breath of relief. It figures she wouldn't worry about that.

“Of course not, don’t be absurd. You could never embarrass me.”

“I don’t know,” she muses, her voice taking on a dangerous lilt, “that sounds like a challenge.”

“Believe me, having been subjected to Father’s Brucie persona at every gala I’ve been to, it would take a lot to embarrass me.”

“Alright, bet. I’ll get you, just you wait.”

“You’ve already got me.”

She flicks him on the nose. “You’re such a sap.”

He hums his agreement, enjoying the tinkling sound of her laughter. And then, before he can think otherwise, he asks, “Is that why you haven’t introduced me?”

“That’s different,” she scowls. “You know how hard it is to get there, there’s no signal, and Danny only gets a break like—oh, Ancients!”

Damian gets another elbow to the ribs as she bolts upright, a manic grin on her face that has him laughing.

“What is it?”

“It’s the holidays! It’s nearly Truce Day! You know I said I had a family thing around Christmas?”

“Yes?” 

“Well, do you want to come to it? I can introduce you then! I mean, it’s going to be a bit formal and you’ll have to meet everyone, not just family. There’s going to be some banquets, you’ll have to sit through some long speeches and you have to be on your best behaviour at all times, okay? Absolutely no fighting, it’s called Truce Day for a reason!”

“What?”

“Yeah, it’ll be perfect! I think Jazz is going in a couple days earlier to help with the preparations, so I’ll get her to let Danny know—and fair warning, he will try to give you the shovel talk, but this is great! It’s Truce Day, so he can’t actually do anything about it!”

“I’m sorry, but you're going to have to explain a bit.”

“Yeah, I know, it’s a bit much—but that’s family, right? Danny can get pretty protective over me, which is why going on Truce Day is the best time to do it! He can’t even command the Fright Knight to stab you! It’s genius!”

“Ellie, what?”

“Like, yeah, sure, he’s the king, but even he has to obey the rules of Truce Day—and then once you’ve spent all day with him, he’ll see that you’re a fantastic, wonderful, kind, brilliant, smart, strong, capable person and he’ll get over himself and everything will be good!"

Damian collapses down onto the couch, the wind knocked out of him. This is… He had not expected anything like this at all. For all that Ellie talked about her family, she had never mentioned this.

“Did you… did you say your brother is a king?”

“Yeah! High King Phantom, have I…” The manic grin slips off her face as she turns round and notices Damian. “Have I not mentioned that before?”

“No. No, you have not.”

“Ah. Sorry. Probably should clarify that I’m also a princess.”

“Right. Yes, that follows.”

“And I’m not really his sister, I’m his clone.”

“What?”

Damian blinks and tries to say more, but he has no idea what he’s meant to do with… any of this information. 

Normal. He thought she was meant to be his normal. Nothing could have prepared him for this.

Not that it changed anything, of course, of that he was certain. It’s just… a lot to take in. Overwhelming. But it's okay! He takes a deep breath, and another, and a sense of calm washes over him. Ellie makes one of her little hums as she cocks her head to the side to consider him and he can't help but relax at the normalcy of the sound. It'll be okay, he's dealt with stranger and he can deal with this.

“I’ve, uh… I’ve told you that we’re half ghosts, though, right?”

“What?”

[commsroom]

i think to really understand hera (and, by extension, her relationship with eiffel) you have to recognize that she values the same things he does. hera works harder than eiffel does because she has to, because more is riding on her doing her job, because the bare minimum she's allowed to get away with and not have everyone die horribly is... still kind of a lot of work, all of the time. and even then, she does the bare minimum when she can. she cuts corners she probably shouldn't. she hates drudge work. and she really hates being told what to do.

eiffel and hera are both prisoners on the hephaestus - and that they're the only two who really know they weren't given a choice is central to their bond as well - but, at the same time. eiffel both embodies and extends to hera a kind of freedom she wants very much. no one else has ever made room for her to goof off or wanted to talk to her about nothing, just wanted to hear her voice, just wanted to make her laugh. wanted to hang out with her and talk, just for a little while, even as he's falling asleep after days without rest.

that's what draws her to eiffel. "you hate rules as much as i do, don't you, doug?" because the first time she ever speaks to him, it's while he's clamoring around in the dark, clearly no idea what he's doing, not having paid attention to anything about the station or the mission or, of course, the rules. because she tells him about the contraband cigarettes floating out of his pocket and makes a point of keeping it a shared secret. she likes those things about him.

[sparrowposting]

Biggest difference at the new job (besides The Everything) is being treated like an adult and a professional (despite being contract), rather than a kid who just happens to be computer literate unlike the rest of the staff, so I'm kept around for that. It's really nice? To be treated as an equal and intelligent and a professional worthy of my title, even tho yes I'm still young and new and learning, I have responsibility and autonomy and am in many ways my own manager, and I get to make decisions. It's scary and new and things are expected of me way more, but that's also exciting? Even as it's real stressful? Idk I'm still settling in, but after my first full week I'm??? I think this is going to be really good for me, personally and professionally

[side-b-bumblebi]

Men who view women as their intellectual equals 😍

[ilovecoffeeandchemistry]

my old methods that made me concentrate have stopped working + they were extremely unhealthy and made me stress too much (recently i literally got so sick that my whole body hurt and i couldn't walk for a couple of days because it was too painful)

and i'm trying to take better care of myself now but idk how the hell do i make myself concentrate when i'm bored as hell without consuming an unhealthy amount of energy drinks and chewing gum :(

[arbitrarystrawberry]

.

[yesiwasinthechessclub]

woof im feeling bad about all my stuff. feels like my story sucks and my version of lucien isnt one that anyone else likes and my art is bad i'm not good enough :(

[aftermathing]

The worst thing about suffering is that it still hurts when the danger is over but no one cares about it anymore because it shouldn't hurt. No one will ever say "I'm sorry that happened to you" especially when they barely say "I'm sorry that's happening."

[nelson-riddle-me-this]

Anyone have advice for dealing with job application burnout?

[jlf23tumble]

One of the MANY things I hope for in season 7 of Selling Sunset is that Mary will pull up her Gucci belt and pull the world’s biggest IRL Hannah Montana switcheroo, she’s Miley’s doppel, and I really want to see her lean into kicking some ass 

[welcometogrouchland]

The cognitive function is not functioning, I think

[hippodamoi]

i read a fanfic that pissed me off so badly i'm arguing with the authors in my mind. i don't want to leave mean reviews but jesus fucking christ

edit i commented on it because i am actually that disgusted

[crystalkleure]

Remember when Clio annoyed the shit out of Norman

That was VERY funny

[violet-dragongirl]

If anybody were to ask me why I'm a combat medic in a game I like but also hate (total 50/50 love hate for this game there's no compromise to either side) as matchmade players expect me to resurrect them with ease every time knowing that the game's mechanics of how my ult works to it's humanly possible maximum efficiency, still cannot keep up with nearly ANY player being in the area of Only Gonks And Showboats go to die (where enemies spawn, which is opposite/adjacent of wherever the builder is)

¯\_( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_/¯

[lowkeyorloki]

okay okay asis questions/headcannons. i guess mine would be, how does loki act and feel throughout reader’s pregnancy? would he be the super nervous and sometimes obsessive, overbearing, doting type or would he try to stay calm? i remember loki mentioned that he felt like he missed out on the excitement of pregnancy with narvi, so i’m sure he would cherish it. (also i know the pregnancy was only really mentioned in the second epilogue and wasn’t a big part of the story so sorry if this isn’t something you want to go on at length about lol)

No worries! I'll talk about whatever y'all want to hear my thoughts on hehe

I think Loki is stable and level headed when you need to be and VERY excited and even nervous when you don't. You are overall the calmer one throughout the pregnancy, but Loki steps up and is able to ground you in the moments when you really need it.

I can see him being a tad overbearing in regards to food - not in a controlling what you eat type of way, but more of a being VERY concerned that you're eating enough type of way. Every day has a freshly cooked meal even though there are leftovers in the fridge, and there's a cup of water and a pile of vitamins on your bedside table each morning. Loki definitely asks if you've gotten enough after each meal, which might seem sweet at first, but I also think that if you don't eat what he perceives as the right amount, he can pester you (in a very loving and well intentioned way) - like the whole "you're eating for two now." This issue gets resolved by Jane one night after dinner when she catches Loki eyeing your plate disapprovingly and says something to the affect of "she's already full of YOUR baby how much more would you want to cram in your body" and Loki pretty much backs off after that lmao.

The best way I can think to describe Loki during your pregnancy is just... in awe. He's so thankful and feels so fortunate that you want to do something as big as having a kid with him. You'll be going about your everyday life and just catch him watching you with misty eyes because he's so happy. He doesn't really keep doing what he does in the same way you do: like, you just keep doing your thing while just so happening to be pregnant. With Loki, that's all he can see. He tells you how beautiful you are even more than he already does, his touch becomes more frequent and so so soft, and a lot more of his life revolves around making sure he's doing everything he can for you. He's all in, fully invested and willing to do quite literally anything. He's a super private person, secretive even, but all he wants to do when someone is talking to him is scream that his wife is pregnant and she's the coolest person ever and he's VERY excited about it.

Above all else, Loki is the most touch-driven you have ever seen him. His hands always seem to be on you, especially once you're showing. He melts each time he comes home from work and gives you a kiss before placing a hand on your belly and asking how you're doing and hearing your response of "we're good." If you're sitting together on the couch reading, he's resting a hand on your stomach. Grocery shopping? Loki is reading the label while rubbing your belly in slow circles. It's second nature, sometimes (maybe even most of the time) he doesn't realize he's doing it. You start falling asleep each night with his hand heavy and protective over your midsection.

I imagine he is also completely enamored with the baby moving, and wants to know when it's kicking so he can feel. He definitely cries the first time, because he's so happy, but also because it makes him think of his conversation with Jane. She let him do the same thing, when everything between you and him was shaky and unsure and it's just a reminder of how far you've come.

On the same note, I bet he gets a bit self congratulatory. If the baby is ever moving so much you can't sleep, it seems that Loki kissing your belly and murmuring "let your mom have some rest, she deserves it" is the only thing that works to calm it down. The baby seems to listen to Loki more than you before it's even born. It makes him smirk, and tease you.

Finally, Loki can only ever have one kid biologically with you, because I think he really suffers during the birth. Even if everything goes smoothly and there are no complications (which, by the way, is NOT how I picture the birth going), watching you struggle and go through so much pain is not something Loki can witness again. When you cry or groan and squeeze his hand so hard it feels like it's going to break, Loki almost freezes up. He truly is not able to watch you, his person, experience so much pain. I think it's really, really hard for him. Devastating, even. So once Vali is born (and it is a boy, so Vali) Loki sort of holds it together for you because YOU just went through that, not him, but it does all come to a head a few weeks later when Loki confesses it was too much. He can't bear to see you hurt like that. Not again. Not you. There's even trace amounts of guilt - I did this to her, I'm the one who wanted this. Loki loves Vali and wouldn't ever take it back, and it was worth it, but he knows that this isn't something he can ever do again. I think you would have to marriage counseling after the birth and really be able to work through this. Loki just becomes so concerned about you he doesn't want to touch you in any way for fear of breaking you, and he even starts to distance himself a bit (when you need him most) because seeing you give birth made him realize there are ways to lose you that are in fact worse than you breaking up with him all those years ago. But he finds his way back to you, just like he always does. After that, it's everything you've both wanted.