#and i love how the movie shows she really is more than this vapid popular girl

[deadpoets]

LARISA OLEYNIK as BIANCA STRATFORD 10 Things I Hate About You (1999) dir. Gil Junger

[asharkapologist]

Criminal Case’s Subversive Portrayal of Cheerleaders Part 1/3: Introduction + Madison Springer, Part 1

A/N: This was written a bit later than expected, but life got in the way. Either way, enjoy! And thank you to everyone who voted in my poll! 

Cheerleaders do not always have the most positive representation in media. 

I feel like that’s hardly a controversial statement. Books, movies, shows, games, etc., especially those in the 2000s and 2010s, often portrayed cheerleaders in a very stereotypical, unflattering light. Cheerleaders are the mean, popular girls. They’re not very smart. They’re very clique-y. They’re bullies, and cheerleading is definitely not considered a sport. Portrayals of cheerleaders like this often cross over and are related to how femininity/girls interested in stereotypically feminine things like clothes, makeup, male attention, the color pink, etc., are often demonized, too, portrayed as mean, vapid, and shallow. (That’s a topic for a whole different analysis.) But my point being, if a female character is a cheerleader, even in media from the 2020s, chances are fairly high that this character is going to be mean, stupid, vapid, or a combination of all three.

I used to be a cheerleader in junior high and my first year of high school, and this always frustrated me. I was an avid reader of YA novels in junior high/high school, and it always frustrated me when the cheerleader characters were always written the same. I still pick up the occasional YA novel, and portrayals of cheerleaders continue to annoy me. (I recently read a novella published in late 2019 that fell into the trap). I may no longer be a cheerleader, but I will continue to defend cheerleaders with my life, take issue with how they’re portrayed in fiction, literally make OCs who are cheerleaders (one of my OCs is literally a college cheerleader majoring in Information Systems who works in IT), and insist that cheer is a sport (if anyone disagrees with this, I dare you to look up cheer routines on YouTube and say that what those people do isn’t a testament to incredible athletic skills). Point being, by the time I really got into Criminal Case near the end of my high school career, I was very tired of unflattering cheerleading representation.

Then a miracle happened. While playing University in Grimsborough (I played these games out of order), I met a character who defied multiple stereotypes associated with cheerleaders and made me fall in love with her: Madison Springer. And upon returning to Grimsborough in The Conspiracy (which I started only sometime earlier this year and which, along with Save the World, are the final two games I haven’t played; like I said, I played these games out of order), I met two more characters who defied stereotypes associated with cheerleaders: Vicky Lopez and Chelsea Bloom. And even in her own weird way, Polly O’Brien also defies some stereotypes associated with cheerleaders. 

SPOILERS FOR GRIMSBOROUGH AND THE CONSPIRACY BEYOND THIS POINT.

Something common amongst all four young women, including Madison, is that all four characters start out seeming to conform to stereotypes, before being revealed as far more complex and much kinder than initially let on, in Madison, Vicky, and Chelsea’s case, or crueler, in Polly’s case. Both Grimsborough and The Conspiracy subvert expectations and stereotypes that their cheerleader characters appear to fall into. Madison is initially introduced as a sorority president before it’s revealed she’s a cheerleader in Murder on Campus, where a freshman who had just been invited into Madison’s sorority, Rani, is murdered. The first impression Madison gives off is not terribly flattering. There is a “massive portrait of her in the sorority common room,” as Jones says, and she makes some unfortunately racially/culturally insensitive comments about Rani and Misha Goshwalla that there’s no defending. She also slut-shames girls of other “skanky sororities.” Jones hardly likes her upon this first introduction, saying that “she’s lying through her teeth” and saying “I’m convinced there’s evil lurking behind those big puppy eyes.” And Madison conducts some sort of hazing on the sorority rushees (although this isn’t what killed Rani), and lies when she insists no one under 21 drank champagne. Additionally, when Rani passed the hazing “with flying colors,” as her sister Misha says Madison said, Madison called up Misha and said that Rani was much cooler than Misha, all of which added/contributed to Misha’s long-standing envy of her sister, which made her susceptible to Tess’ hypnotism, and led to her killing Rani, upon Tess’ prompting that “it was the right thing to do.” After Misha is arrested, Madison surprisingly nicely (probably trying to use emotional manipulation) asks the player and Nathan to help her find her missing sorority president pin, and makes it clear that she is not happy with her sorority sister who presumably stole her pin, and despite Nathan’s prompting not to do so, plans on punishing said “traitorous” sister.

Whew.

Bit of a yikes. When I was rereading the transcript for Murder on Campus while writing this, it really brought back how unlikable Madison was in her first appearance. Jones doesn't like her, and I doubt people playing the game are supposed to, either.

However, technically it’s not mentioned that Madison is a cheerleader in this case, just a sorority president, so technically, there’s no cheerleader bashing going on. And the next time she’s a suspect in a murder, in Dead Man Running, where it is revealed she’s a cheerleader, she gets more nuance and sympathy--although it doesn’t start out this way. 

During that case, it’s revealed Madison was dating the victim, quarterback Troy Takiguchi, which Jones correctly declares as cliche. When Jones and Player talk to Madison, she says she’s more concerned with being dateless to the upcoming prom ball, once again showing her as rather shallow, not seeming to care for very valid/sympathetic reasons that her boyfriend of six months is dead, still more concerned about herself. Still not a very flattering portrayal of a cheerleader--but we’re about to make progress. 

Because, later, Jones and Player discover Madison’s beaten-up phone in Troy’s room, and with Alex’s help, find out that Madison knows, thanks to her friends telling her, that Troy was cheating on her, which leads to this exchange:

I honestly really like this, and is perhaps the first example in the game of Madison being likable, because this is a very positive example of her showing that she knows her worth. She’s rightfully angry, and allows herself to be, without being condemned by Jones/the narrative or accused of murder. When her cheating boyfriend tried to blame her for his infidelity, she snaps back that it was not her fault, and breaks up with him, not giving him another chance. An example of toxic masculinity/patriarchy is when men blame their partners for said men’s infidelity, and Madison is having none of that. In reality, compared to what she said in her first interrogation, she would rather preserve her dignity and self-worth rather than attend the university dance with her unfaithful boyfriend. She cares about her reputation, yes, but she also cares about her self-worth and knows she deserves better. And this is the fork in the road and the turn for the better in terms of how Madison and cheerleaders are portrayed. 

Madison still keeps some of her rude personality, though. In the additional investigation of that same case when Jones and Player go to check up on Madison before the Quails’ football team plays, and see her saying:

Honestly, I’m not sure why, but this line made me smile--and the rest of the interactions Player and Jones have with her come off as less of her being nasty and more as rude, but…good natured in a way? More light-hearted? Less serious than a sorority girl hazing new recruits. Just a cheer captain being impatient with her team, still not incredibly flattering, and she obviously isn’t kind, but better. And then she then says, “I know it’s a bit impolite to ask you, but I really need your help. As I said, I lost my new cheerleader's pom-poms, the blue and gold pair I'm supposed to use during the match!...Please, can you look for them while I try to create something at least resembling a cheerleader's performance with my team?” Still a bit rude, perhaps manipulating Jones and Player, but much more light-hearted than the last time she asked you to find something of hers that was lost. And when you find her pom-poms, Jones says the following:

The last line is said with a smile on his face. I do think there is maybe a touch of sarcasm with the “charming girl” part, even if she is more likable in this case, but either way, I find the message on her pom-poms rather amusing (I wonder who this eponymous Beth is), and I like how Madison being like a drill sergeant, as Jones puts it, isn’t used to insult her or call her out for being bossy and loud. She’s being stern as she’s yelling at her team, but it’s not really portrayed as her being mean or nasty. And when you return her pom-poms she’s complimenting her team and allowing them a break. And with one last little dig at Jones’ lack of popularity during his schooling days, she tells Jones and Player to go get a hamburger/hot dog at the vendor stands, saying they’ll get the food for free if they say Madison sent her--and that wraps up the interaction you have with her in that case, and interactions with her end on a much more positive note here in comparison to Murder on Campus. She’s cast in a bit more likable light in the case she’s introduced as a cheerleader. 

…And that actually wraps up part one of this analysis, because this is getting a bit long.

But stay tuned for the next part, where I talk about how Madison is written in The Devil’s Playground, Spring Break Massacre, and The Rorschach Reaper, where things get even more interesting.

[spaceshipkat]

OK I'm not really well informed on the SJMaas debate buuut ik she loves LOTR alot and A lot of fantasy books she grew up reading ends with a huge battle, I don't think she intended to glamorize it rather employ a very common fantasy fiction trope that all the popular fantasy books before included. You can see with modern movies eg marvel an easy culmination to build up to is usually a good guys vs bad guys battle for the ages.

—and to add even Harry Potter is an example of a series that culminates with a big war. I wouldn't say by employing that narrative frame it would be glamorizing it.

this is actually a common topic on my blog since i studied war history in uni and will be getting my master’s degree, in part, on 20th century history, predominately the war period and how it impacts the future. 

ANYWAY. heh. rambling. yes, your examples are actually examples of how war is romanticized in popular fiction (although i’ll hold back on saying definitively yea or nay on Harry Potter, as i’ve only seen one of the movies and read none of the books, so i don’t know enough). sj///m is certainly not the only culprit but since she’s one of the authors whose books i talk about most on here she simply happens to feature more in my conversations on it, especially bc she’s written a war into each of her series (one is mentioned in CCity’s synopsis, so i think it’s a given). since Marvel is a good example, and i’d say it’s a given that more people have seen those movies than they’ve read sj///m’s books, i’ll explain how that romanticizes war: take, for instance, how there are always moments in battle where characters can stop to banter; where every single woman in the MCU somehow magically appears at the exact same moment as every other woman in it in order to have this whole “badass” sauntering montage (was i the only one who cringed when i saw it? it was trying way too hard to prove that the MCU does actually focus on women uwu); where we get slow-mo shots of characters like Cap doing a cool flip midair; where in the group movies like Infinity War we only ever focus on the war as it happens rather than the after effects (sure, we see what Thanos did to the world, but it’s not exactly worse for wear; we watch NYC get destroyed only for NYC to be fine later on; in Captain America: Civil War, when there are worldwide responses that try to curb what the superheroes have the freedom to do, we get an entire movie of Cap just noping out of there despite the fact you can’t just...run willy-nilly...and fight...like that...against the fucking UN for pete’s sake), and more. it looks cool and therefore romanticizes war. yeah they’re fighting the Big Bad, but it’s still painting war in rosy colors. 

sj///m, like most people who don’t study warfare in any grand way, has a very romantic view on war, and it’s made clear bc she doesn’t actually focus on every single aspect of it. her war is just like Marvel’s war: it exists to showcase how badass characters are rather than to focus on how war impacts the world at large. and sure, not every single instance of war needs to show the nitty-gritty of it, the fucked up parts of it, the war crimes that take place (of which alien, in t0g, is guilty of imo), but when war is shown in 99% of popular media to be this romantic ideal in which you can fight the Big Bad and Always Win, Always Survive, there comes a problem. in k0a, there are armies with hundreds of thousands of soldiers but we never learn where those soldiers came from, how they’re all armed, how they have no problems feeding everyone, who trains them, where they go when war isn’t occurring, if there’s some judicial system in place to ensure that soldiers can’t just run amok and do whatever tf they want, and more. alien simply saunters out in gold armor (i will never get over this oh my god) and suddenly rallies everyone, despite the fact they literally wouldn’t know who tf she is, and wins the day, is crowned queen for Reasons, and is married to rowboat despite the fact he actually brings nothing to her or Terrasen (when, by all accounts, after a war she should be marrying someone who can actually help her country recover). i mean, a great example of how sj///m pads alien in plot armor is how, after alien is rescued from Maeve, she literally just sends letters to lords and ladies she’s never met, tells them that Maeve, their ruler, has tortured alien, and suddenly has their undying support. they’ve never met alien and have lived beneath Maeve’s rule for umpteen years. they have no reason to trust a word alien says, especially bc she doesn’t even send diplomats, at the very least, to their courts in order to sell her case. 

all of the above, though it might not seem like it, romanticizes war. it makes it seem like this easy thing that takes a month (and, by all accounts, it literally does take about a month or two in k0a. the entire series from t0g to k0a occurs in roughly two years: alien is 18 in t0g and 20 at the end of k0a; meanwhile, her adversaries are literally immortal and have been planning and enacting their takeover of Erilea for eons) to win and everything is hunky-dory afterward. we never see the fallout. we never focus on the shit bc it’s more fun to show cool stunts and write in vapid banter. war should be the very last option. i’m not a pacifist (i believe that Hitler, for instance, would not have been stopped had World War II not happened) but i’m also really tired of seeing war in fiction unless the author is willing to treat it with the respect it demands. for a good take, i recommend the Glass Alliance series by Joanna Hathaway. she’s a friend of mine who really knows what war is about (we actually talk about shit all the time, such as what happened in Iran yesterday), so she’s a great example :)

[mtvswatches]

10 Things I Hate About You

Obligatory soundtrack 

1) The late 90s/early 00s were filled with contemporary adaptations of Shakespeare’s plays - Julia Stiles starred in three of those, coincidentally - but, in my opinion, none has been more iconic than 10 Things I Hate About You. It’s been over 20 years since the movie was released, and it’s certainly become a teen/rom-com classic. It’s definitely a feel-good movie, and even though it obviously had great source material to work with, it did so in such a unique and fun way. And it was kind of woke for its time, too.

Disclaimer: I am a bit afraid this whole review will turn into me taking screenshots of the movie and just writing “iconic.” You’ve been fairly warned.

Anyway, let’s get into it!

3) I really love how they managed the “show, don’t tell” technique with Kat’s introduction. Her first scene really shows who she is – a jaded, kind of rebellious teenager, who marches to the beat of her own drum. Or to the beat of Joan Jett’s drum…

She’s shown as the opposite of the other girls, but it doesn’t feel like a criticism of the other girls' more cheerful, sunny disposition. We very quickly learn what she is like, but we have yet to find out why.

4) The next characters we meet are Cameron and the school’s guidance counselor. Cameron is the new student and the guidance counselor is just…

I love her. And Allison Janney proves how talented an actress she is by making the token counselor character both memorable and unique.

5) We also meet Patrick Verona, the resident Bad Boy who had “exposed himself” in the cafeteria. Oh, Heath Ledger, you are truly missed!

6) Michael Eckman  shows Cameron around and he basically delivers the token “school cliques scene”, and since I’m not American, I’ve always wondered if this is a real thing in schools? Like, are there really so many cliques that are so visually different from one another? Each group dressing in a particular style and hanging out at a specific spot? Anyhow, the cliques here are the beautiful people (or rather, the assholes), the coffee kids (?), the white Rastas (or white stoners), the cowboys (?), and the yuppies.

7) Michael’s tour gets cut short when Cameron spots Bianca, and he’s instantly infatuated with her. I’ve always found it hard to root for Cameron at first because I’m not really a fan of insta-love, and he ends up doing A LOT of shady things for a girl who he doesn’t know AT ALL. But more on that later. In fact, the movie kind of makes a point of how ridiculous it is for Cameron to be in instant-love with Bianca by having her deliver this little lecture on love:

BIANCA: Yeah, but see, there's a difference between like and love. Because I like my Skechers, but I love my Prada backpack.

CHASTITY: But I love my Skechers.

BIANCA: That's because you don't have a Prada backpack.

Bianca clearly grows a lot over the course of the movie, but it’s clear that Cameron was in love with her appearance and not her brains or personality, which makes his quest to sweep her off her feet misguided at best.

8) And then Michael presents the main plot point…

The question then is, how is Cameron going to get the girl? It’s his quest to get a date with Bianca that creates a domino effect that brings all the characters together. 

9) See what I mean? ICONIC!

And can I say that I just love Kat? Not only is she smart, but also, she didn’t take any bullshit from anyone, especially not males. She was a feminist before being a feminist was cool. And she does grow a lot. 

10) Okay, two things, A) I love Mr. Morgan, and B) foreshadowing? Sort of?

11) Iconic.

12) Michael seems to have a lot of preconceptions about Bianca – and most of them were kind of accurate, at least at the start of the film. She was kind of vapid and shallow and self-absorbed. For someone who believes that Bianca is not only completely out of Cameron’s league but also not worthy, he does get very involved in trying to get Bianca to date Cameron.

13) This is one of my favorite lines in the movie, probably because it sounds a lot like Buffyspeak…

14) This is so random…

And the movie does have a lot of these little moments of slapstick comedy that almost seem to belong to a different type of movie, but for some reason, they work?

15) And this reminds me of the Veronica Mars of yore, the one I used to love…

16) We meet Cat and Bianca’s dad, and he is very overbearing at first, but he truly grows on you once you understand where all his rules are coming from. And of course, he establishes The Rule, which sets off the movie’s shenanigans – Bianca cannot date unless Kate does.

17) Bianca does prove a lot of Michael’s preconceptions right during her interaction with Cameron, who asks her out on a date, and even though he has been tutoring her she can’t remember his name and after he reminds her of it, she calls him “Curtis.” Bianca very clearly sees in Cameron the solution to her dating problem, and she very obviously manipulates him when it’s clear she’s not interested in dating him. She’ll get him to do the dirty work, and then let Joey rip the rewards. On the one hand, this is wrong. On the other hand, Cameron sort of had it coming? He was only interested in Bianca because of her looks, and he was about to manipulate Kat with total disregard for her feelings, so...

18) So Michael and Cameron set out to find a match for scary Kat. And what do you know…?

They figure the only way to convince Patrick to date Kat is by paying him, except they don’t have any money. So they turn to Joey, who gladly agrees to invest if it means this will get her Bianca.

19) Patrick and Joey strike a deal, and let me tell you, this deal never made any sense to me? Like, after some bargaining Joey agrees to pay Patrick 50 dollars? And I might be daft but how would Patrick be making a profit here? If he took her out, he’d be spending most of that on the date, making the whole thing pointless if he’s not making a profit? And Joey was supposed to be loaded, so why not offer more than that, to begin with?

20) I really love how Patrick assumed all he’d need to do was say hello and Kat would be at his feet, and she gloriously turned him down and put him in his place. He tries again the next day and he gets turns down, again. And I can’t blame her, he was acting like an entitled douchebag and assuming she’d want to jump his bones only because he was hot and asking her to go out, like that’s all it’d take.

21) And Joey gets a little bit of what’s coming to him…

22) This leads to Kat getting into an argument with her dad, making a lot of valid points…

WALTER: Is this about Sarah Lawrence? Are you punishing me because I want you to stay close to home? KAT: Aren't you punishing me because Mom left? WALTER: You think you could leave her out of this? KAT: Fine. Then stop making my decisions for me. WALTER: I'm your father. That's my right. KAT: So what I want doesn't matter. WALTER: You're 18. You don't know what you want. And you won't know what you want till you're 45, and even if you get it, you'll be too old to use it. KAT: I want to go to an east coast school! I want you to trust me to make my own choices... and I want you to stop trying to control my life just because you can't control yours!

I can see both sides of this argument, though. He wasn’t punishing her because her mom left, I think he was just afraid they’ll get hurt again and that’s why he was so overprotective. And Kat had just crashed her car on purpose, so I really don’t understand how she managed to turn the whole thing against her father?

23) Patrick renegotiates the terms of his agreement with Joey, demanding a 100 bucks per date. He can’t have had getting something for Kat as his goal at this point, but I think he was just trying to screw Joey over as much as possible, which kudos to him.

24) Michael and Cameron approach Patrick and inform him that they’re actually the masterminds behind this date-Kat plan, and they agree to help him woo her. And I get that Kat was not the most agreeable person to begin with, but it’s still very disheartening to see that literally no one considered her feelings in this whole thing? Like, all of them were so proud they were playing Joey, but she was the one getting played the worst? And Bianca even allows Cameron to go inside Kat’s room and go through all her private things? Everyone was an asshole in this movie, is all I’m saying.

25)

26) And then…

Probably in spite of herself, he managed to get through her shell a little bit.

27) Bianca finally begs her sister to go to the party so that she can go, and what do you know? Kat does have a heart after all, and she agrees to show.

28) Which leads to…

29) Kat seems very happy to see Patrick at her door, although she quickly puts the bitch rest-face back on and pretends his keeping his word and coming to get her did not affect her at all…

30) So, now that she got to the party and gets to hang out with Joey, Bianca demands her sister do not address her in public, and I’m like, wtf?! Kat then begs her to listen, and again, Bianca shrugs her off and tells her to go off and “enjoy her adolescence”, which pisses Kat off and probably hurts her, too. So she decides to enjoy her adolescence the way everyone seems to do, getting trashed and embarrassing themselves.

31) Further evidence that Bianca was, indeed, an asshole… Cameron is the reason she got to go out at all – after he pulled off this elaborate plan to get her sister a date – and she manipulated him by feigning to be interested in him, and now…

But karma is a bitch because Joey might be the most popular boy in school – god knows why! – but he’s as dull as dishwater, and she quickly finds herself regretting her decision to brush Cameron off in favor of Joey.

32) Meanwhile, Kat is truly enjoying her adolescence…

And thank god Patrick was there to catch her because if he hadn’t, I don’t think anyone would’ve helped her.

33) I really love Patrick’s pep talk to Cameron…

CAMERON: It's off, okay? The whole thing's off. PATRICK: What are you talking about? CAMERON: She never wanted me. She wanted Joey the whole time. PATRICK: Cameron, do you like the girl? CAMERON: Yeah. PATRICK: And is she worth all this trouble? CAMERON: I thought she was, but, you know, l... PATRICK: Well, she is or she isn't. See, first of all, Joey is not half the man you are. Secondly, don't let anyone ever make you feel like you don't deserve what you want.

34) And Patrick taking care of drunk Kat is the sweetest thing ever…

35) Of course, now that Bianca no longer wants to hang out with Joey and her friend leaves her high and dry, she asks Cameron for a ride home.

36) On the way home, Kat actually opens up to Patrick, a lot. She admits she’d love to play in a band, and that her father wants her to be someone she’s not – her sister. Patrick admits that he doesn’t really get what everyone sees in Bianca, and Kat delivers what’s probably the greatest compliment you could get from her…

She puts herself out there… and gets shut down. Of course, Patrick was probably feeling remorse about the way he’d gotten to know this girl and the way he’d been playing her because now that he’d gotten to know her a little bit better, he could see that behind that badass façade she was extremely vulnerable and sensitive. Kat feels rejected and humiliated, and who can blame her? He’d been relentlessly pursuing her, and now that she’d opened up to him and offered to kiss him, he’d turned her down…

Anyway, Patrick’s behavior, later on, makes no sense after the way he acted here, but more on that further below.

37) Cameron finally confronts Bianca about her manipulative behavior, and to her credit, she is honest and owns up to being selfish when he calls her on it. And I guess she finally sees he’s worth it…

38)

39) This exchange is so silly and hilarious?

Like, Cameron’s answer seems silly, but what type of answer was Patrick expecting? Where could she have possibly kissed him? On the knees?

40) Kat is clearly not yet over the rejection…

41) See what I mean about the jokes in this movie?

And they just look over and go on talking, as if she hadn’t just nailed her teacher on the ass with an arrow...

42) Joey goes to Patrick yet again and offers 200 dollars to get him to take Kat to the prom. Patrick tells him he’s sick of this game, and Joey ups the ante and offers him 300 dollars, which Patrick somewhat begrudgingly takes. I just would really like to know if it was at this point that he thought he’d used this dirty money to buy something for Kate. Otherwise, he was still being a jerk...

43) This scene just gives me butterflies, okay?

And as charming as he is, Kat is still not over the humiliation of putting herself out there and being rejected.

44) Cameron returns the favor and gives Patrick some very good advice, the reason for that glorious scene later on…

CAMERON: Look, you embarrassed the girl. Sacrifice yourself on the altar of dignity and even the score.

This gets Patrick thinking…

45) And I��m just going to add the video here because this whole scene is just rom-com perfection and bless Heath Ledger again, okay? And why didn’t we get more of him singing in everything he did? His voice just makes me feel things, okay?

Seriously, how do you say no to that boy asking you to let him love you? You don’t say no, that’s how.

Same, Kat. Hard same.

46) Kat goes into detention and distracts the coach while Patrick attempts to escape out the window, and then…

And the teacher is looking directly at her tits? And while the distraction tactic worked, how was she not sent to the principal’s office? Patrick was sent to the principal’s office for “exposing himself” with a bratwurst while joking with the cafeteria lady, and Kat is literally exposing herself and she walks scot-free? Hmm.

47) Patrick and Kat have another heart to heart, and to be honest, it always melts this cold heart of mine…

PATRICK: So, what's your excuse? KAT: For? PATRICK: For acting the way we do? KAT: I don't like to do what people expect. Why should I live up to other people's expectations instead of my own? PATRICK: So, you disappoint 'em from the start and then you're covered, right? KAT: Something like that. PATRICK: Then you screwed up. KAT: How? PATRICK: You never disappointed me.

Same, Kat. SAME.

48) #SWOON

49) And this is the part that doesn’t make sense to me. They’ve just had this perfect date, and they’re growing closer, and they’ve kissed, and he clearly likes her. And the reason he didn’t kiss her after the party was that he was feeling guilty about the way he’d gotten her to go out with him and fall for him – through deception and manipulation. And now that they’re much closer and into each other, he tries very hard to get her to go to prom with him, pushing her in a way that makes her feel uncomfortable, and like, why? They’re clearly not the type of people who go to proms, so why not take Joey’s money and screw the deal? Why did he have to keep his promise? Why not be honest with Kat? Why not tell her, I like you a lot and this idiot is paying me to date you even though I’m honored to do that for free so why don’t we team up and scam him? I know the answer is “conflict”, but it’s always pissed me off.

50) Seriously, though, Cameron. Why?

51) In true teen-rom fashion, everyone needs to be paired up, right?

52) See what I mean about the jokes?

53) Loved the Dawson’s Creek reference…

Believe it or not, a lot of people thought DC was scandalous at the time. And DC was so naïve compared to its predecessors The OC or Gossip Girl…

54) Kat finally opens up to Bianca and explains why she has so many issues and why she doesn’t want to conform to high school’s social rules and expectations and stereotypical idea of “normalcy.” She’d had a less than stellar dating experience back when she was way too young and far too vulnerable with none other than Joey, who had slept with her and dumped her right after. Oh yeah, and it all happened right after her mom had left them. In an attempt to prevent the same thing from happening to her little sister, she had agreed to their dad’s rules, effectively preventing Bianca from experiencing anything on her own. It’s kind of a case of the pot calling the kettle black, considering she’d complained about the very same thing to her father.

55) Kat finally realizes she’s been unfair to her sister and decides to go to prom, to their father’s dismay. Kat even swallows her pride and actually apologizes to Patrick for questioning his motives to ask her to the prom, and he has the nerve to forgive her. Dude, you do have ulterior motives, and the girl you like is actually apologizing even though she’s done nothing wrong and you’re blatantly lying, and he doesn’t even bat an eyelash when he tells her “You’re forgiven.” I mean, I love Patrick, but still… not cool.

56) Bless Walter.

57) I guess they’re a thing, because why not?

58) And this is, among many other reasons, why I can’t hold anything against Patrick Veronica…

He got her favorite band to play in the prom.

59) Chastity is such a bitch for no reason? Like, she and Bianca were close friends, and then, all of a sudden, they aren’t? And she’s so mean to Bianca!

60) And leave it to Joey to ruin everything…

61) And I truly love that Bianca is the one to put him in his place…

62) See? He’s a good guy, he was just trying to protect his daughters the only way he knew how…

WALTER: Bianca did what? KAT: What's the matter, upset that I rubbed off on her? WALTER: No, impressed. Fathers don't like to admit it when their daughters are capable of running their own lives. It means we've become spectators. Bianca still lets me play a few innings. You've had me on the bench for years. And when you go to Sarah Lawrence I won't even be able to watch the game. KAT: When I go? WALTER: Oh, boy. Don't tell me you changed your mind. I already sent 'em a cheque

63) And I also have to include the video for this scene because it’s just… *chef’s kiss*… Julia Stiles absolutely nails this one, and it never fails to bring me to tears…

Same, Patrick. Same.

64) And while the fact that he doesn’t immediately run after her always has me screaming, he does make up for all of it…

KAT: A Fender Strat? Is it for me? PATRICK: Yeah, I thought you could use it, you know, when you start your band. Besides, I had some extra cash, you know. Some asshole paid me to take out this really great girl. KAT: Is that right? PATRICK: Yeah, but I screwed up. I, um... I fell for her. KAT: Really? PATRICK: It's not every day you find a girl who'll flash someone to get you out of detention. KAT: Oh, God. You can't just buy me a guitar every time you screw up, you know. PATRICK: Yeah, I know. But there's always drums and bass and maybe even one day a tambourine. KAT: And don't just think you can...

65) This movie is hardly a masterpiece, but it doesn’t intend to be either, and not every movie needs to be. It’s a feel-good movie, and it delivers on so many levels. It’s funny, it’s tropey, it’s cute, it’s romantic, it has a great soundtrack, and you just feel a whole lot better after watching it. It’s the 90s at its best, and that’s why it became a classic.

What I love the most, though, is Kat’s character development. We see this girl who is a badass and super smart, takes no bullshit, holds everyone accountable for their shitty behavior, and has a great wit. But she is not without flaws. She’s closed off because she has been hurt before, both by her mother and her first love. She holds everyone at bay because it’s easier that way. Throughout the movie, however, she shows empathy and a lot of vulnerability. And she soon finds out that she had been missing out on a lot of things by shielding her emotions. She’d missed out on having a good relationship with her sister and on finding love again. What is truly admiring about Kat, though, is that when she’s hurt the most and she has every reason to close herself off again, she does the exact opposite. She opens herself up not only in front of the guy she’s in love with but everyone. The shrew cries and bares her soul for the world to see. Regardless of the happy ending, I think that in itself s truly inspiring, don’t you? 

66) Bonus: bloopers!

67)  Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi. Thanks!

[charliejrogers]

Borat Subsequent Moviefilm

In 2006, Borat was one of those great cultural touchstones that transcended the big screen. There was no aspect of pop culture after its release that wasn’t in some way affected. It perfectly coincided with the rising popularity of YouTube, such that those who hadn’t seen it (or couldn’t because they were too young to get into the rated R movie) could at least see many of its famous clips.  Everyone knew Borat in 2006. Everyone. You couldn’t go two fucking steps without someone going “very nice!” or “my wife!” It was such a wonderfully smart movie. It combined the best aspects of a Jackass movie, i.e. the trolling of innocent and unsuspecting bystanders, with a noble cause, to expose to the world the ignorant side of America. It was a novel and insightful look at our country.

In 2020… there is no insight in telling us that much of the country is ignorant of the truth, racist, or sexist. As Borat himself points out in this film, in the years between when he filmed the first movie (2005) and the new movie 2019-2020, America has become transfixed by their new “magical abacuses”, i.e. cellphones. Phones, the internet, social media, all of them expose us everyday to how the other half lives in their little social bubbles. We don’t have to wonder “do people really think this?” Just type whatever terrible or stupid theory you can think of into Google, and you’re guaranteed to find at least one person who endorses whatever heinous thing you just wrote. Again, this is portrayed within the film when Borat, confronted by the fact that maybe some of his core beliefs are lies, finds websites that say that (much to his anti-Semitic disappointment) the Holocaust was not real. So, one is left wondering… what can Borat bring to the table in 2020 that is fresh?

Unfortunately, the answer is… not a whole lot. Borat Subsequent Moviefilm feels mostly like a retread of 2006 with the only additions aiming more for “shock factor” than real comedy aimed to grab headlines (which it succeeded in doing). This is not to say this is not a funny movie. It is. The film’s opening where Borat describes the typical (fictionalized) Kazakh’s view of American politics is hysterical. In sum, America went to shit with the election of Obama, paving the way for other Africans to take power of the West (cue the photo of Justin Trudeau in Black face). Now with Trump in power, Borat is sent on a mission to curry Trump’s favor so that Kazakhstan and its leader will be viewed with the same favor that Trump has bestowed upon other “tough guys and tough guy countries” like Russia/Putin, the Philippines/Duerte, North Korea/Kim Jong Un, Brazil/Bolsonaro, etc. The gift is supposed to be an overly sexually aggressive chimp for Vice Pussy Hound (i.e. Vice President) Pence. However, Borat’s daughter Tutar sneaks into the crate with the chimp, and after a chain of events Borat has no choice but to gift his daughter over to Pence, and eventually Rudy Giuliani, instead.

It’s a simple enough plot but I think the movie gets a little too caught up in it. No one is asking for a plot line for this movie. If this were just a string of sketches with a vague whiff of a plot to transition between the sketches no one would fault it. In fact, that sounds like the first Borat. We are just here for the sketches. Yet the movie is looking to do a little bit more than the first movie. It’s not content to just say, “Hey, look at yourself, America! You’re fucked up! Let’s all laugh at you.” This movie has specific targets that dominate its focus: Trump and Trumpland.

This is, I think, an unfortunate choice not because I don’t approve of bashing Trump and Trumpland, but because whereas the first movie felt like comedy was king with the sociopolitical insights as a dominant undercurrent, here the story and the humiliation of Trump and his base is the end goal. This still makes for funny scenes, but when I think back to the first Borat (and as I re-watched clips of the first movie after finishing this movie), some of the greatest parts of Borat had nothing to do with politics or sensitive subjects. Much of the humor was just based around the ballsiness of Sacha Baron Cohen. This is a guy who when invited into a person’s home for dinner makes openly sexually complimentary remarks about two of the female guests, but explicitly states that the host’s wife is ugly. Never mind the fact that at that same dinner party, Borat hand-delivers his shit in a bag to a guest, claiming to not know how Western toilets work. It’s hilarious, it’s daring, and has nothing to do with politics.

In essence, the first Borat was such a success because Cohen played the character with such a believable naivete and loose grasp of English idioms, that he was a factory of malapropisms, a genius of comedic-timing, and a troll that could annoy the ever-living daylights out of anyone. There are as many scenes of him trolling nice, innocent people (like the driving instructor, the man who teaches him jokes, the group of feminists, or really any time he goes on the news) as there are scenes of him trolling people so that Cohen can make a political point or social observation (like the singing the wrong national anthem at the rodeo or his innate criticism of a Pentecostal Chruch’s weirdness). And in the end, the “point” of that plot at least had nothing to do with politics. You can watch this movie, get your laughs, remark at America’s racism, and still get your laughs.

Here, there really isn’t any scene I can think of that wasn’t done to make some sort of observation or political point. The closest I can think of are the bits towards the beginning before the plot kicks into high gear. There’s a recurring bit I love of him communication with the Premier of Kazakhstan via fax machine at a local UPS Store. The genius isn’t contained in the sentence I just wrote, but that he requires the aging worker of the UPS Store to hand-write all of his faxes for him and read any and all replies. Similarly, there’s a quick bit of genius at the beginning where Borat goes to a cellphone store and cannot understand FaceTime at all. He assumes the person on the phone must be the brother of the phone store worker he sees in front of him; they cannot be the same. Similarly he somehow enlists the help of a delivery person to re-seal the crate in which his daughter came to America in.

But otherwise, the jokes are there either to say, “Woah! Aren’t these Americans terrible?!” (whether he’s talking about QAnon’s theorists, anti-abortionists, or anti-maskers). Or there’s gross out humor, mostly about vaginas and periods, (or moon blood, as Borat calls it). As I said, these aren’t all unfunny. Probably my favorite sequence in the film sees Borat and his daughter at a pregnancy crisis center because Tutar has accidentally swallowed a little baby doll that was on top of a cupcake her father had “given” to her as a “treat” that was just supposed to be “their little secret” because women in Kazakhstan aren’t supposed to have sweets. So she ate the cupcake behind a dumpster. I’ll let you guess what happens when you enter a Christian pregnancy crisis center asking for them to take out the dumpster baby your Dad wasn’t supposed to be giving you… but it’s hilarious to see the worker sorta squirm his away around addressing the reality of incest.

But mostly, I felt kinda fatigued knowing that Cohen and co. were mostly trying to show me the “underside” of QAnon and anti-maskers… but as I said, in 2020, I am unfortunately well aware of both these groups, their psychologies, and their world. So merely highlighting that these ideas exist and that the people who endorse these ideas don’t really have a lot of great ideas otherwise, isn’t that novel as it might have been back in 2006.

Probably the more “interesting” side of the film is it’s focus on feminism. The film uses Tutar (played perfectly by previously unknown Bulgarian actress Maria Bakalova and deserves all the praise she gets) to really expose how America, despite being a “feminist” nation, still shares many aspects with the fictionalized version of Kazakhastan where women are considered equivalent to livestock. The movie hopes to shed light on the far reaching effects of the patriarchy. The movie ends at the top of the pyramid with politicians who feel like it is their right to use their power to sleep with whomever they want (Trump’s obviously the true target of this criticism and I will say, the final Giuliani scene feels a little bit like entrapment… that said, I think it’s fair to say not every man would be so willing to fall into that trap). But leading up to that we see aspects of America designed to fit perfectly with the patriarchy’s demands. We hear from a shallow, vapid Instagram influencer that to get by women need to be docile and pretty, and we see a frankly horrifying discussion from a plastic surgeon talking about all the things wrong with Tutar that he would fix with surgery so that men would want her… despite the fact that she’s a beautiful woman and has nothing wrong with her! We live in a society that recognizes the horror of a patriarchical society, but still so clearly buys into it.

But in the end… you’re not watching Borat Subsequent Moviefilm to get an education on feminism and the problems with the patriarchy. That should be the extra cherry on top of a main course of hearty laughter. In focuses on the politics, Cohen and co. find plenty of laughs and memorable moments, but fail (perhaps inevitably) to recreate the signature naivete and bumbling oafishness of his titular interviewer, in the process losing some of the film’s humor and paradoxically its ability to leave a lasting message.

**/ (Two and a half stars out of four)

[blodreina-noumou]

I don’t think that Lindsey post is bashing Natalie Dormer. I think it’s just saying that she deserves to be thirsted after JUST AS MUCH as her bc Lindsey is BAE.

I don’t wanna like, publically subtweet OP, which is why I left my rant in the tags, lmao, but I guess we’re going there. Do I tag them in this or nah?? I don’t wanna drag them into a debate they never asked for. I also don’t feel great about sitting here and criticizing them behind their back, but since this is anon...

The OP of that post (who I don’t know at all personally - let me make it super clear that I’m not trying to start shit, they can feel however they want to) did say the popularity of Natalie Dormer (and JLaw) over Lindsey Morgan “really shows how none of y’all have taste”

What else could they have possibly been implying? Bad taste usually means that whatever a person likes is...y’know, bad. Saying someone doesn’t have taste is a dig at their preferences, and indicates that you think their preferences are wrong.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion. If OP thinks JLaw and Nat D aren’t as attractive as Lindsey, they’re absolutely allowed to feel that way, and voice it publically on their blog. All I was saying is that it made me not really want to reblog that post, even though it celebrated Lindsey. I don’t love when people put other women down to lift one woman up. It left a bad taste in my mouth that made me, personally, not want to associate with it.

But I also recognize that it’s a flippant post on a microblogging platform that OP probably dashed off quickly, and that they probably weren’t intending to like, be a dick about it, more that they were frustrated that Lindsey doesn’t get as much attention as other actresses. And since Lindsey is a WOC and a damn beautiful/talented one to boot, I can understand where that frustration might stem from.

But like..........the actual reality is that it’s not about taste, it’s about visibility in pop culture, lmao. 

Natalie Dormer was on Game of Thrones and in The Hunger Games, at a time when both were at the height of their popularity. Both are massive franchises, with literally millions of viewers. 

JLaw (who I don’t care for as much as I used to, but whatever) was the star of The Hunger Games, which again, was massively popular at that time, and she went on to do several Oscar-baity movies (and actually fuckin’ won for one, shockingly.) She was also in X-Men!

No shade to Lindsey, but she’s a supporting actor on a CW show, a show which most people have either never heard of, or have a low opinion of.

Making that comparison isn’t fair to any of the actresses involved. Comparing them on looks alone is objectifying and yucky. Comparing them by starpower doesn’t put Lindsey in the best light. It just wasn’t a great take, imho. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I just think there’s a better way to showcase the Hotness of Lindsey Morgan without bringing other celebrities into it, because it becomes a huge mess if you look at it for longer than like, two seconds.

I have a hard time comparing Lindsey and Natalie, because I think they have very different things about them they make them beautiful, and very different energies. I could see making the comparison between Natalie and Jennifer, but then OP’s whole point falls apart, because both Nat and JLaw were darlings of tumblr at one point in time. If OP wanted to make an issue about race and beauty, I think there are more eloquent and nuanced ways to do that.

I don’t wanna sit here and keep ripping it apart. Ultimately I know it’s not that big of a deal, and that person can feel however they want to, and this is a pretty vapid conversation at its core.

But like...I said what I said, y’know? 👀

[moviegroovies]

oh god after last time i really did think i was done but i must have unlocked some new level of hell because here we go, here we go, lost boys hcs PART 3!!!!

so ummmmm michael... is sort of dumb. 

like, ok, specifically??? i think he’s got a higher than average emotional intelligence, but he’s just one of those kids who’s bad at school. there’s some hints of this in the movie: when michael is telling sam that he can’t tell lucy about the vampirism thing, sam’s line is that it’s “not like getting a D in school, mike!”, implying that hiding that kind of thing is something the two of them have been over before, and a deleted subplot has him repeatedly insisting to lucy that he’s going to drop out of school to get a job and help her pay for things.

tbh i think he’s got that classic “child of divorce” thing going on. he feels like a burden on sparse resources and can’t stand the thought of wasting his days in school, where he doesn’t even want to be. he wants to help his mom! he gets a job for he so he can do that! what a good, sweet boy!!!

hmmm. dyslexic michael, anyone? like, i was going to say that he was particularly vexed by math & science, but the more i think about it, the more i’m leaning toward him maybe just being disinterested in those subjects, even though they’re the ones he’s better at, while english and history (but particularly english) really piss him off because studying takes so goddamn long.

so he gets like, C+/B- in math and science, consistent C- in history, and wavers C- to D+ or even lower in english. 

he’s so polite to his teachers that they help him when they can though, especially because they know he’s trying so hard, but he’s just not entirely gifted at this sort of stuff. 

the worst is when he has to keep his grades up to stay eligible for sports--that pressure just makes everything seem so much worse.

i think michael plays some of everything. he’s like, some kind of guard on the football team, not particularly their star player or anything, but i think he’s also got a starter position on the basketball team, and he is the star pitcher on the baseball team. 

physical stuff just comes easier to him than academic stuff, you know?

his high school girlfriend was a cheerleader, but they weren’t that serious. she was a kind of preppy girl, a little vapid, and it felt to michael like they only really dated because they were supposed to. breaking up with her kind of led to michael’s attraction to star; he saw her on the boardwalk and she looked like she dressed for herself and she was outwardly enjoying her time at the concert--plus, you know, she’s really pretty.

he hates to admit it, but michael’s favorite classes in school were the home ec classes that his guidance counselor suggested he take. he took shop first, which was okay, but really, what he liked to do the most was the cooking and sewing shit. when he joins the lost boys, he kind of “takes over” these roles from star (who had been pressured into acting the mother for all these assholes who could be her great grandfathers, easily), and it turns out that he’s a lot better at that stuff than she is. 

guess he was always kind of training to be david’s bitch after all.

the guys stop ribbing on him once he shows them how he can fix their clothes and shit, though. goddamn assholes.

michael’s main circle of friends in highschool was made up of other jocks, and like with his girlfriend, they weren’t super close. he often got excluded from stuff because he would insist he couldn’t do something or other on account of his mom needing him home that night, or he would get pissed at them for making fun of sam. 

michael said family comes first, fuckers!

he did drink and smoke and shit like that back in phoenix when he knew he wouldn’t be missed at home, though. he’s not a goody two shoes, really, he just didn’t want to make things harder than they were for his mom. 

one day he did come home drunk, and he’ll never forget how upset lucy looked. he still doesn’t feel like he’s made that up to her. ouch.

one of the guys michael hung out with, probably the closest michael had to a “best friend” was a dude named declan who he’d known since elementary school. declan as the only one of the jock guys who didn’t really hold it against him when he’d skip out on stuff, and the only one he ever even thought about telling the divorce shit to, although in the end, he chickened out of actually doing it. 

like i said, they weren’t best friends or anything, but they could have been, y’know?

one of the less nice dudes in his group (probs one michael got in fights with often) started dating michael’s girlfriend about a week after he moved. michael wasn’t really pissed by the time he found out about that; he had way bigger problems to worry about by then.

there was a guy that michael saw around who was kind of a beatnik loner outcast and almost definitely a fag. he liked shakespeare and oscar wilde and probably drew pretty things in the margins of his notebook, and the guys that michael hung out with trashed on him pretty much constantly. michael himself, however, had kind of a thing for the guy: he thought he was cool and would ask when he could to see what he was working on.

you know how michael acted around star at the very beginning of their association? that’s pretty much how he was around this dude. local bi disaster is bi.

the guy (i was going to say fuck it and name him after the guy who i’m sort of basing him on from peggy sue got married, but guess what my fucking luck is, that dude’s name is michael. jfc. let’s call him charlie) thought michael was just there to make fun of him like the others did, but he eventually, he might have come around to trusting that mike really was just interested in his art. 

maybe they made out or something before charlie eventually pushed back against him because he didn’t want to get fucking murdered by michael’s friends for making him queer if they got caught 

michael always felt like he should have pushed harder to have some sort of relationship with charlie, but once he moves to santa carla, there’s no use in thinking about it anymore.

unlike michael, sam did have a close circle of friends at school, even though he wasn’t as classically “popular” as his brother. 

it was probs this reason that made him take the move a lot harder than his brother did.

sam, also unlike michael, was/is really good at school. he’s super skilled at memorizing dates & facts (just look at him rattle off semi-obscure superman trivia lol), and pretty talented at writing to boot. he doesn’t like math as much, but if he works at it, it comes to him pretty quickly. 

gifted kid perks™

being that everything came easy to sam, and that he didn’t do any sports like michael did, he had a lot of downtime to read books and comics, keep up w/ pop culture, and hang out with his nerdy friends who liked to do the same. he was even in a d&d group

his character was an elf rogue.

it’s about gay rights

re: sports, it’s not that sam couldn’t be athletic, just that he didn’t ever really want to be. he used to do little league to be like michael and as a concession to his father, but really, he was always put in the outfield, and at the end of the day he would just rather read or watch tv than stand out in the hot sun playing this game he didn’t care about.

when they were little, michael trained himself to get better at reading so that he could read stuff to sam when their parents were fighting or their mom was away. he remembered how his parents (in better times) had read to him, and he knew it made sam feel better, so he put aside his difficulties and discomfort to read to his brother before bed.

the easiest things to read for him were comic books (he had some batmans and supermans and even a few wonder womans, although it wasn’t all superhero stuff. he also had richie rich and, of course, archies), which kind of sparked sam’s love for them--they were something he shared with his brother. <3

i’m thinking sam’s nerd club was the prototypical “mostly boys who never talked to a girl in their lives” type thing, but at the same time i’d like to imagine that at least one of them had a pretty brash (and nerdy) sister who pushed her way into the club, winning their respect by doing what sam did to frog brothers, only with star wars lore.

also, i’m kind of picturing a shy girl from their school who sam takes under his wing when she’s getting bullied, only to find out that she’s really into that stuff too.

she’s part of their d&d campaign; she plays a badass orc barbarian woman and consistently has the best luck with the dice. 

the girl is almost definitely a lesbian, but sam asks her to homecoming and stuff like that so that they’ll both have dates; they’re basically each other’s beards. 

Gay Rights.

one of the only ways michael could ever really relate to his dad was when they played baseball and the dad taught him Sports™ things, so sam not being at all interested in that stuff made him kind of a disappointment. even still (or maybe for that reason), michael was always the mama’s boy, while sam spent a long time desperate for his dad’s approval.

maybe bc michael and lucy tried really hard to protect him from just how shitty their dad really was, to be honest.

speaking of michael and sam’s dad, i’ve been doing a lot of thinking about him, and now i’ve got Opinions. 

contrary to what i guess is the general fandom consensus (at least from what i’ve seen? but my scope might not be that big regarding this character, so if i’m wrong, i’m wrong lol) regarding the dad, i can’t see him being particularly abusive physically. 

however, given how sweet and agreeable lucy is, i get a sense that there must have been something REALLY insurmountable in their relationship to make her decide that divorce was the only option. the way i see it, michael and sam’s father started as one of those anti-establishment punks who eventually grew up and just... snapped back the other way entirely to end up as the establishment himself. 

main justification for this is that scene w/ michael and star; he doesn’t just refer to his mother being an ex-hippie, he refers to his folks. plus, i mean, there must have been something about the man that endeared him to lucy, right?

so, over the course of their marriage, the guy goes from being a radical dreamer type with maybe some kind punk rock aspirations to being like.... reagan’s “moral majority.” 

he starts totally stomping down his old dreams and, in the process, mocking lucy for holding onto anything from their past (you know how she told sam part of the reason she divorced him was that “he never believed in the closet monster”? that was a symptom tbh). i imagine that this, in itself, was soul crushing, but what was really the last straw was when he started in on michael and sam: getting mad and telling michael that he wasn’t going to make it in the MLB and that he had to get his shitty grades up if he wanted to amount to anything (only making him hate school even more lbr), and openly disliking sam’s rejection of sports and stuff in favor of his comic books and MTV.

before the end, i think michael got in a lot of fights with his dad when he’d make passive-aggressive comments at sam for not being enough of a man. 

who made you the fucking authority on that, huh?

if he was ever actually physically violent with anyone, it was probably michael during these fights, or mayyyybe even lucy when she’d step in.

eventually, something just tips lucy’s goddamn scales, and she snaps and goes out right then and there to file for divorce. they never saw the point in signing a prenup or anything back then, y’know, so without really fighting for it, lucy wasn’t going to get anything in the divorce. 

she doesn’t. they leave arizona with just about the clothes on their backs.

if anyone actually fought against the divorce proceedings, honestly i think it was the dad. he had this idea of his respectable nuclear family, and, even though he was basically an emotionally neglectful POS to his sons, he hated the idea of his wallstreet suit-type coworkers coming to know that his home life was anything less than perfect. 

as a last ditch effort, he probably tried to win lucy back at the very last minute, even twisting her arm in an attempt to get her to stay for the boys’ sake, but he clearly no longer knows what attracted her to him in the first place, and the “effort” just makes her sad.

in her mind, she’s already gone by then, you know?

finally, he just ives up and signs the divorce papers. for a hot second it really fucks him up; he goes in to work unshaven and haggard, he’s back to eating like a bachelor, his heart isn’t in what he’s doing. this isn’t about grief over losing his family, though, is the shitty thing. not really. instead, he’s just dealing with uncertainty over how to remake his image. 

unfortunately, that’s about as much karma as their dad gets. by the time lucy, sam, and michael are gone for good, he finds it’s easiest to just pretend that they never happened. lucy didn’t demand it, but he sends the occasional bare bones childcare check in the mail and feels like he’s the goddamn father of the year or something, and meanwhile, he remarries a woman that’s both younger and more conservative than lucy, sooner or later fathering a son with her.

lucy isn’t cruel; she doesn’t want the boys to be totally cut off from their father, and even though they both pretty clearly sided with her in the divorce she offers him visitation rights and partial custody (saying that they could stay with him at least every summer and for whatever other holidays he wanted), but he mostly rejects this. 

when the boys try to call him to ask, he gives them a noncommittal answer about them maybe visiting next summer, after they’ve all gotten settled in. 

they pretty much stop calling after that. 

remember how i said michael has an above-average emotional intelligence? he’s definitely the one who helps lucy through the divorce the most. he picks up on the signals she sends about when she needs help and when she needs space, and chides sam for pushing her too hard every now and then.

sam, on the other hand, is definitely a good kid who cares about his mom a lot, but he’s a little more selfish and has a harder time acting like he’s got no problem leaving phoenix for her. the only real fights the two of them get into before all the vampire mess are centered around sam not being sympathetic enough to lucy and michael getting onto him for it.

i think that their dad might end up being a much better father and husband for his new family, and when the eventually visit him long enough to realize this, michael and sam... aren’t sure what to think.

like, they’re glad he’s not repeating the same mistakes he made before, but it’s not fair, is it? to see your little half-brother get the father you always wanted but never got. 

their new stepmom is a sweet lady, though. she really does want to try and welcome sam and michael into the family. sam, michael, and their dad all try, but in the end they find it uncomfortable, and the boys know it’s just a facade on all sides to make her happy. 

everyone is a little bit relieved when the boys just give up and go back to santa carla. 

when michael meets the lost boys (& subsequently learns about dwayne’s past with jasper and, you know, the total boner david has for him, and oh yeah, the fact that these guys are kind of universally gay asf), his only experience with gay shit had been his closeted fumbling with charlie and like, negative stereotypes from media, so he’s kind of amazed by these totally queer dudes who just... take no shit. 

like, he gets challenged to a motorcycle race and their leader doesn’t back down at all from the fight michael tries to incite, they take him back to drink and hang out in a semi-nasty man cave. these dudes aren’t what he expects from fags at all (they’re not sissies, and that’s kind of the end of his knowledge about the gay community at that time lol), and he just doesn’t... know what to think about them.

he kind of wants to be them.

like, you know how immediately after seeing them for the first time, michael buys himself a leather jacket and goes to get his ear pierced? there’s a reason for that, babes!

in other news, michael is a cancer and there’s nothing y’all can do about it.

i mean, i have Evidence behind my theory but also i’m just right.

but like, going back to that scene with michael and star again, when he’s introducing himself, you know how he tells her that he was nearly named moonbeam or moonchild or something like that? well, another name for cancers that i’ve seen is moonchildren, after the way cancer is ruled by the moon (and bc the term “cancer” itself has some... other connotations).

in conclusion, lucy really was That Bitch sgdfhghdh

[aion-rsa]

Skyman: Don Miggs Discusses Universal Sonics

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The mock-documentary Skyman doesn’t tell the usual UFO encounter story. Director Daniel Myrick, who broke on the scene with the groundbreaking horror thriller The Blair Witch Project, does not put this together using found footage. The film examines the aftermath of an alien visitation, and the story is told by a witness and survivor.

Carl Merryweather (Michael Selle) was seven years old when he saw the “skyman” in Barstow, a small town in California. The event changed him. He’s spent years obsessively collecting UFO magazines, as well as first-person accounts of other contactees. It made him the neighborhood “character.” Skyman takes place 33 years after the visitation, he is living with his sister, Gina (Nicolette Sweeney), and waiting on a promise the alien made to return on his 40th birthday.

The film was shot in Barstow, where there have been multiple real life reports of UFO sightings. Merryweather also takes the crew to a real UFO festival in McMinnville, Oregon, where the character is met with amused scorn by amateur enthusiasts armed with cellphone cameras.

The soundtrack for Skyman was written by Billy Corgan and Don Miggs. The Smashing Pumpkins frontman is a household name, and occasional appliance. Miggs is a studio veteran. He’s written with Creedence Clearwater Revival’s John Fogerty, and worked with such diverse artists as Boyz II Men, Paul Anka, Tyga, and the Plain White T’s. Miggs spoke with Den of Geek about the film, the universal language of music, and the OZ Paradigm.

DEN OF GEEK: Were you drawn to Skyman because of the subject matter?

DON MIGGS: You know, first and foremost, [I was] told I could do a film with the guy who wrote Blair Witch. Now I’m already interested, right? So you’ve already got me right there. Then a really strange chain of events happened when Dan Myrick approached me to do it. I had just had a crazy incident happen at my L.A. house that involves sort of like the supernatural. Right now, I can’t even believe I just said that because I’m going to tell the story. The person who built our home was Mickey Rooney, who was famous in the ’40s, but ’50s and ’60s, for sure. He was a child star and a long time he was with Judy Garland from The Wizard of Oz.

We bought that house. In between us, there was another artist, Rick James, from, “She’s a very kinky girl.” It’s the house that Rick did all that crazy stuff. He’d been arrested at one point because he and his girlfriend locked another girlfriend in a room and tortured her. They were doing things like meth or heroin or something. He was sort of crazy. We bought this house and maybe it was haunted. I don’t know. But when Dan called me about doing the movie, we had just had an incident where a book was off of a bookshelf that couldn’t have fallen where it fell. Someone would’ve had to take it down.

I walked by for a few days. Finally I said to my wife, “Is it down here for a reason.” She’s like, “I was going to ask you the same question.” I pick up the book, this is before I knew about Judy Garland, and it’s The Wizard of Oz. I’m like, “That’s kind of weird.” Someone told me the book was on the ground because Mickey Rooney was with Judy Garland in this house. This is where they stayed.” I’m like, “Wow,” and so I flipped through. I’m looking through Google and I go into a deep search and I see this photo of them in our house where the piano is and it kind of freaks me out.

So as that’s happening, I’m telling this to my friend and my friend says, “I didn’t want to tell you this. I was in the movie room and I heard clinking of glasses in the kitchen. Then they put them down on the counter, and I was like, “Hello? Hello? Hello?” and nobody was there. Then his girlfriend was in the kitchen and turned and looked to the right, and said, “What do you want?” Because she thought that my friend was standing there. The friend, by the way, is the third writer that wrote the music on this, Greg Hanson. Greg wasn’t there, he was in my studio.

So all this stuff happened, and Greg and I are having this conversation about the supernatural and what do we believe in, life on other planets, all this stuff and we’re coming to all these conclusions then Dan calls me and tells me about a movie about a UFO, about an alien. I’m like, “That’s the craziest thing.” A week later, Billy Corgan comes to stay at my house. We know that he’s had some history with UFOs and believes, and I tell him about it, and he’s like, “That’s crazy.” I said, “Does it make you nervous to stay in the house?” He goes, “No, not at all.”

So all that stuff is a long way to say it felt like it was supposed to happen when Dan called and said “Do I want to do the film?” Because it felt like I was sort of on the brink of changing my whole belief system.

You own vintage guitars. I was wondering if the guitars can be haunted, and if you ever caught someone else’s riffs?

Of course, the way I look at everything is energy is out there. We’re all the same age in the end. Right? Because we’re all just energy and it’s all floating. I own Hendrix’s guitar from when he played with the Isley Brothers. One day, his brother Leon came to the house, and wanted me to record him, but it’s not something I wanted to record. But as he was holding the guitar, he said something like, “This guitar is the guitar that Jimi dreamed in before he became … This is when he was James Hendrix, and he was basically playing guitar for the white man and dancing in the back and doing all this stuff, and then it’s the guitar that he emerged as Jimi Hendrix, which is the guy with the Afro and larger than life.”

Whenever I play the guitar, and I play it all the time, I feel that life in there, and I think it’s sort of in everything. People tend to be scared by it, but there’s this root beauty and the whole thing that we’re all connected. That’s kind of what the movie, ultimately, is about for me. When Dan explained it, I didn’t see one piece of it when I started writing music to it. The first thing I wrote was “Are you real Skyman?”

When he was describing to me what it was about, I said to him, “This is not really a story. This to me isn’t even a UFO story. It’s the story of a person trying to connect with his father and his father is no longer around. This is his connection. It’s really a story about how we’re all connected and it’s about family.” If you look at your main character, he’s on this journey and he’s very much alone, but he has his sister and his best friend still show up, they might think he’s a little crazy, but they show up because it’s important to show up. I think it makes the story a little bit more beautiful than “there’s a UFO, let’s go chase it.”

You’re one of the authors of Dad’s Know Best. What do you tell your kids about UFOs?

I tell them that I’ve never seen anything, but the likelihood that we are the only thing out there seems pretty slim to me. Maybe it’s not happening at the same time, maybe it’s because of time and space. The thing I always say to my kids, they’re 11 and nine, is I just say that anything and everything is possible. Your job is to be open enough for it to happen. I don’t believe in God, I feel like there’s something bigger than me out there, but I don’t know if it’s God. I’ve never said that really out loud like that. I don’t know if I can even say I don’t believe in God, but I’m open to the possibility that I’m wrong, and I’m looking forward to being wrong. I tell my kids that the fact that we’re here sort of almost demands that there must be someone somewhere else.

What key best captures the abductee experience. Is it A minor? Is it mixolydian?

I love that you would ask that question. It certainly has to be a minor. This is so geeky of me. For me, it would probably be like a minor seven. I literally just wrote a song before I got on. I had a client and we’re doing a record and I just did a Skype with her, and I made sure the whole thing is sort of about, in the end is that it’s going to be alright. It all really stems off of this one minor. It’s a B flat minor seven that comes at the end and just playing that chord leads everything up to a question like, “Is it going to be alright?” But I would say, if you have to say what the best minor chord is, it’s probably E minor and that’s the key of tension for sure. E minor, I’ll say.

Close Encounters taught us music is the universal language. So are different modes more effective at communicating if we were to communicate with another species?

I would think that. I would think that we see things very much in, [hums major scale], right? If I play Indian music, there’s going to be more chromatic notes than there would be in Western music. So yes, for sure, everybody’s going to have a little bit of a dialect when it comes to what’s going to work for them.

I find it interesting actually, when I’m thinking of Close Encounters, “[sings theme], nu, nu, nu.” That resolve, which makes very much sense, it’s very nice for our American ears, but I don’t know that the  [sings last two notes of theme],” which is four/five, “Duh, nah, nah, nah, nah,” would be soothing to someone from another planet because I don’t think that “Duh, nah” would be soothing to someone from necessarily another country.

What do you think extraterrestrials would pick up from what’s going on in music right now?

The best thing about music today for me is sonically, it’s amazing. The sounds are really exciting. It’s thinner. It’s more shrill. It would be heard better, probably. If I were an alien, I’m going to say that I think they would pick up that it’s a little more vapid. If we’re talking about popular music and I just dated myself, that’s a dumb thing to say because the ’50s music was as vapid as vapid could be, same chords, same melodies.

You mix some pretty etheric sonics into the theme music. I was wondering what tells you how to capture that? There’s one part that sounds like you caught feedback off of a stick across a snare drum.

You’re right. I hit a drum and then I literally grabbed the feedback from it, and I might’ve supported that with some other instrument in there. Then yeah, and that wound up being a part of the sonic scape for a lot of different parts.

I equate music writing with you’re in a field and some days you’re pulling weeds, and other days you’re picking flowers and the job is to stay in the field and keep picking. That’s what I do all day, every day. With this soundtrack, we had a crazy thing happen where Dan Myrick came into the studio and was like, “Well, what are you going to do?” And this idea just hit me on the piano. I went and hit the three notes, came back to the patrol room, and I just said to my engineer, “I need everything on. I need the drums on. I need guitars, I need everything on.” And literally, I just kept going from thing to thing and adding, and it was like I had nothing to do with it.

No joke. I mean that for most of this record, what was so cool about doing Skyman, I didn’t do it to film, I did it to my idea of who these characters were, and what their stories were, and that’s a difference than with Billy. So Billy stays with me sometimes when I’m in LA, in my house there. So he was there and I said, “Hey, if you want to come out to the studio, I’m working on this thing for the film and I think it might be of interest to you.” He comes into the studio, probably at 10:00 a.m. and my studio is on the property, and I could see him walking up, I said, “Hey,” and I had started a thing. For the next three hours and I might be generous, it may have only been two and a half. We wrote five things. Like we were vomiting. Literally it was coming out of us and no discussion about it. I said, “Here’s one idea.” He goes, “Oh, it might be cool on piano.” So he goes down and starts playing the piano to it, and I’m playing the guitar.

Then there was another one where I’m like, “I have this idea [sings]. You could have that very cinematic. And he goes, “Oh, I think we’d do this.” That two and a half hours became four of the tracks, two of which made the record, then which made the movie, and two others that we have for something else. It all fell out, which is what the whole movie did. Every time I thought I was going to tell it what to do. So I had to listen back through it because I had to put the songs in an order. I could remember being there for all of it, but I couldn’t remember how I came up with some of those sounds because all the drums are real, all the guitars and all the instrumentation is me playing it. Unless it was Billy, he plays an acoustic on two, and piano on another, and I think Greg Hanson plays a guitar in one part of something, the rest is just me.

But I have no idea how it all came out and how the sounds came out like they do. But I’m so damn proud of it. I think it’s a freaking cool record and it takes all these twists and turns, which is why I kind of feel like someone else’s driving.

But you never jammed to visuals?

I think at one point I got a scene that was on my phone, and I think I showed Billy the scene. We were already playing. The visuals were in our head, man. I’m telling you like it was really crazy. First of all, Billy is one of the most gifted, incredible artists of our generation. There’s no doubt. I’m cocky enough to feel like I belong in any room, and I’ve written with some big people. But I knew that the most talented guy I was ever in a room with was Billy Corgan. He’s humble. But also, he’s an encyclopedia, knows exactly what he wants to do, and we had the visuals in our head. When I told him the story that it was really to me about a guy wanting to reconnect with his father, and then we talked about the abduction thing. I don’t think we needed to see anything to know where we were going with it. I don’t know that seeing the movie would have helped, but maybe would have hurt. It’s a weird thing to say.

You said everything was done with instruments. What about that bagpipe, was that sampled?

It’s not a bagpipe. That was me playing  a combination of a guitar and a keyboard, and then me altering the sound to turn it into what it sounds like. There’s a couple things like that on there that are really cool. I wrote to the feeling and the nice thing about that is I could stretch these things out. As you listen to some of these tracks, some of them take so many turns and twists that I don’t know that I could have done if the movie was playing in front of me. I might’ve been almost too sympathetic to the character as opposed to sympathetic to what he couldn’t see. I wanted to play it from the point of view sometimes of the alien looking in on the story. So it’s not always the story. It’s sometimes the music is supporting what you don’t see.

I couldn’t have done that if I was just using the visual because that’s not part of the visual. You don’t ever see the alien. So my job was to sort of make the alien come to light. Dan didn’t tell me to do that. It was something instinctually. I felt it had to be done because you don’t ever really get the payoff. This is one of those movies. It’s the last two minutes of it where you go, “Oh. There’s the Blair Witch thing happening.” So I needed to sort of create that for the rest of the movie and didn’t know that I needed to, and then there it is.

There seems to be a lot more piano on Skyman than guitar. What can you say on the piano that you can’t say with those strings?

I had a theme that started when I did, “Are you real?” There’s that little piano thing. I considered the piano a character. I wanted that character to make sure he resonated throughout the piece, meaning throughout the movie. So I couldn’t abandon him almost at any point. He was more vulnerable. So the piano became the real vulnerable side, I guess, of all the characters really, including the alien. Then the guitar was then allowed to be more of the Goliath to Davey, which was the piano.

If you were asked to play a concert for extraterrestrials, would you change up your set list?

I tell you what, I’d be damn proud. Billy actually said to me, “We should play live.” There are two songs that I really wish would have made the movie and kudos to Dan for not putting them in because one of them has Billy singing a little bit, he’s humming, and it’s eerie and beautiful and so great, but it wouldn’t have fit the movie. It would just serve the purpose of being sensational because there’s Billy Corgan singing. But the only change up I would do, is I would do “Time Will Melt Us,” which is the one where he was humming on, and then this other one that we didn’t put in that he and I did for the movie. But I’d play that soundtrack. I love it.

Would you host an alien on the “Miggs and Swig Show?”

Damn. He could live in my house for a while. I’ve had some alien-like people living in that house at different points. So yes.

What would you ask them?

Are they laughing at us? Do we seem comical to them? Do we seem intelligent? I mean, I wonder so many things about what we do as a human race. If there is a God, he’s laughing at us too. And then I’m always a sucker for what’s the secret of life. Are they happy? Does that even come in to it? If you are more enlightened than we are, is happiness even a factor? Do questions like we’re asking right now matter?

MIGGS recorded their first album in 50 hours. Would that be easier now because you’re a studio veteran or harder because you’ve learned so many tricks?

There’s such beauty in being naive. There’s this not knowing. I’m working with three different 16 year old artists and I was working with one today, a girl. Every single option is possible in her mind, and I’ve learned the rules. There’s a song called “Girl” by The Beatles. John Lennon goes from a C to an F to a D major. But you’d think the song is in C, and if it’s in C, it would have to be a D minor. There’s something that’s so beautiful about it because he was so early in his career. But once you know them, it becomes more difficult. So I could certainly make the record.

I said to Dan, doing this movie, “Could I get one more chance to remix it?” And he’s like, “It sounds perfect to me.” I had to let that be. It does, it sounds great. There’s always something you want to tweak, but that’s the beauty of stopping, of moving on, is that if you can let it go, then you can also have a real time stamp for where you were at that as opposed to making everything perfect so it all sounds the same, no matter where you’re at.

You were the last artist to work with Phil Ramone. I just want to know what that was like and what you learned from him?

You want to talk about someone who haunts me in the best way? Phil Ramone worked with Ray Charles. Phil Ramone recorded Marilyn Monroe singing happy birthday to JFK. Phil Ramone did Bob Dylan, Paul McCartney’s Ram record. He did Blood on the Tracks with Bob Dylan. He did Paul Simon. I grew up on Long Island. He was such an icon, and he stayed with me for three weeks to do the record. I didn’t know it was going to be the last thing he did. He sings on the last song. I did like a little tribute to him by saying it was a tribute to Billy Joel. I mean, I respected him, but on Long Island Billy Joel was a God.

Phil had 15 Grammy awards, and the hope was that maybe he gets 16. Then after we did the record, he died and then no one was interested in my record until he died. Then everybody wanted to interview me and I declined all of it. I didn’t want to make that sensation, it was a really personal thing. But he was such a wonderful man, and so incredibly otherworldly. He could be falling asleep, he would make his record wait, and he could be falling asleep and look like he’s out, and you would hit a wrong note. He’d go, “It’s a B flat,” under his breath, like he was still listening the whole time. The last five years have worked out incredibly well. I feel like I’m on a really good path, and things just keep getting bigger and better. I feel like Phil really started on that for me.

The post Skyman: Don Miggs Discusses Universal Sonics appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[theliterateape]

Ripe for Indoctrination and Thirsty for a Glass of Ice Cold Kool Aid

by Don Hall

It happened my Junior year in high school at a stadium concert in Western Samoa.

The conversion had been a long time coming. I was a bit of an intentional outcast among the more popular kids in my Where-the-Fuck-Are-We? Kansas high school and, being a typical teenager despite my ingrained belief that I was fully non-conforming and different than this cast of Heartland Rednecks, finding inroads to the cool crowd was definitely on my mind.

Krystal Good (name changed because I’m not a complete dick). She was the captain of the cheerleading squad and president of the school’s chapter of the FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes). Turned out one did not need to be an athlete but you had to be a Christian or at least be open to the relentless witnessing and Bible studies. The thing is I wanted to fuck Krystal. She was untouchable but hung out with that FCA crowd.

At one point, I randomly asked her how to join. Her reaction was effusive.

“Oh, Don. I’m so happy you’re asking. You would be such a powerful witness for Christ.” And she held my hand for a moment that, in my head, was instantly underscored by some awful Christopher Cross song. I was hooked.

Remarkably, as I started attending, I mostly listened and kept my built-in skepticism at bey. I wasn’t there to antagonize the Believers — I was there to get a finger into Krystal’s cheerleading panties. Once I understand the language and the right things to say, I went in for the facade.

I was a True Believer in Getting Laid Through Profession of Non-Existent Faith.

Meetings were almost always the same. Krystal would lead an opening prayer that was designed to remind us all of our supplication to the Lord followed by what could only be called vapid confessionals: each of us had to relate a couple of sins we committed during the week and how we repented for them.

“I cheated on my algebra test. I felt really guilty so I went out of my way to be nice to [INSERT ONE OF THE THREE BLACK KIDS IN SCHOOL].” “I lied to my mom about being at practice because I was playing Dig Dug at the Circle K. I promised God that I would be honest next time.” “I felt really angry at Mr. Telfer and wanted to kill him. I guess I didn’t kill him so that’s OK, right?”

At which point, once we had all told our stone-skipping sins (we rarely got into drug-taking, drinking, or sex because, hey, that’s personal and between me and Jesus...) it all devolved into a standard high school gossip session complete with Mountain Dew, Taco-flavored Doritos, and fudge brownies that one of the girls made in Home Ec.

Despite my efforts to cozy up to Krystal, it was never to be. She really was untouchable. On the other hand, my newfound faith became an entry point to many lesser desired vaginas so it wasn’t a total waste.

Close to the end of my Junior year, I was encouraged to audition for a touring mission group called The Continental Singers. Effectively a proselytizing show choir with a six-piece band, the bonus was summer travel. That summer the group was going to Fiji, Tonga, New Zealand, and the Samoan Islands. Plus, we got paid a stipend and had free housing and food.

I put on my best On Fire for the Lord attitude, answered all the questions right, played a few bars on my trumpet and I was in.

What I didn’t realize was that I was now going to spend my every waking hour for three months with True Believers. A few of them spectacularly hot young women. This was going to be a challenge to keep up the pretense and not expose myself for the poser I had become.

Early into the summer, my rooming partner, Steve, started to catch on. When my guard was down, I didn’t seem that Christian in his opinion. Sure, I had all the right answers but got quickly bored with too much dogma and talk of the Bible. Word sort of spread and the indoctrination became a bit heavy-handed.

The show we performed went like this:

Band played an overture

The ‘show’ was an originally written version of Joseph and His Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat but with different music and some really terrible dialogue. Turned out a lot of it was verbatim from the Word of God so I’m assuming God can write a bestseller but not a musical.

Following the show (about 45 minutes in length) our director would come up and do a “Come to Jesus, Won’t You?” sermon followed by an opportunity for anyone in the audience to receive the call, embrace the love of Christ, and publicly commit themselves to God.

The last part was always eloquent and a bit relentless. 

“You know in your heart that you are a sinner in need of redemption.” “Man is born in sin and must accept the saving grace of our lord.” “Jesus died to fulfill the Law of the Old Testament. Confess your sin and it will be washed clean.” “How about a couple of bucks once you’ve joined?”

OK. That last line was more implied than stated but the last section of the night was a prayer and offering plates passed around by the cast while the band played inspiring tunes adagio. People came up in droves to publicly admit they were permanently stained with sin and receive the acceptance of the rest of the herd.

We were mostly free during the day and we would go out in teams to recruit audience members for that night. The teams shifted around and almost every day I was gently nudged toward the idea that, while I was a Christian (wink wink) it was a beautiful experience to re-affirm my faith publicly.

Every day for 45 days or so this message was pounded into my soft adolescent brain and often by these stellar looking women of Christ. The Kool Aid was looking mighty tasty and I began to question whether my resistance to the whole thing was merely my sinful ways fighting back. It was as if they’d heard my objections a thousand times and didn’t need me to say them out loud to pitch their liturgical woo.

Mind you, this was long before smartphones and I was thousands of miles from home. I felt isolated but only because I simply couldn’t intellectually buy into the party line. I missed American food, my car, my friends, television, movies, and books written by living authors without the agenda to convert me to religion. I missed masturbating and saying ‘fuck’. I missed being myself.

One night at a show in Western Samoa in August, as the director was making his emotional pitch, when he asked if there was anyone who wanted to commit themselves to Christ, he looked directly at me. Three or four of the cast members followed his gaze and looked at me with smiles that said “We understand. Take the leap. We approve.”

And I drank the Kool Aid. All of it. In one weepy gulp.

I was dubbed “Born Again.” And I believed it as firmly as I had previously disbelieved.

From that point, I was in the freaking club. Knowing that soon we’d all be back in various states around the country, the talk was that our friends wouldn’t understand but it was our responsibility to show them. I was told that anyone we couldn’t get to see the power of Christ was a poison that we should cut out of our lives. Friends, family, anyone. Either with us or against us with no wiggle room on it.

When I came home I had heard the pitch so many goddamned times it was like a script filled with buzzwords and catchphrases that I could recite with gusto.

Some five years later, the magic wore off. While my mom is the kind of Christian who truly tries to judge no one and feed the poor, too many I encountered were not. She and the people I’ve met through her are the kind of True Believers you read about and by whom you should be inspired (that’s not me being partial to my mom - she started a Food Bank in a closet of a church that has now grown to serve four counties in rural Kansas). Most were either wearing their Jesus Bowling Shirts each week or worse — the kind of Christians who teargas a group of peaceful protesters so they can walk across the street to pose with a Bible and then make a campaign video about it. You know, the pussy-grabbing kind of Christians.

What happened during those five years are stories for a different time but the result of this conversion and the later coming to my senses is this: I know cult-think when I hear it. When it rears its head, I’ve been there.

Faith is a very personal thing. Like watching a Marvel movie or reading the 1619 project, it requires a certain suspension of disbelief. It can be a salve in the human experience as we are creatures born to existential crisis. Turns out, we need something to hang onto beyond our own survival to thrive as a species. It can also be used as a bludgeon for power and cultural control and has often in history been exactly that.

I understand how easy it is, seeking the approval of others, to agree to a guilt that isn’t yours to bear out of a sense of belonging (or to get laid). Of confessing sins you don’t feel at all responsible for but do anyway because that Kool Aid is delicious, ain’t it? The reward of feeling like you’re accepted by the crowd, that you are, indeed, a voice for the word of...whomever is selling the most potent elixir, is comforting.

One of the hallmarks of a cult is that it tries to cut you off personally from anyone who sees the world differently than they do. When you see people urging others to completely cut off their friends and families over an issue, it's a cult. Anyone selling you the idea that you are “born in sin” based entirely upon inclusion in your race, gender, sexual preference is pitching a cult mindset. Any concept that creates a circular maze of proof (If you admit you’re a sinner, you’re a sinner. If you deny you’re a sinner, you’re a fragile sinner) is offering you an ice cold glass of Kool Aid.

Remember that there are, like, fifty different flavors of Kool Aid but they’re all just sugary water with food coloring.

[fashiontrendin-blog]

We Need To Talk About Armie Hammer&#039;s Bonkers Billy Graham Movie

https://fashion-trendin.com/we-need-to-talk-about-armie-hammers-bonkers-billy-graham-movie/

We Need To Talk About Armie Hammer's Bonkers Billy Graham Movie

Armie Hammer is enjoying a nice little career renaissance, one that has earned him a ticket to Sunday’s Oscars, where 2017’s finest movie, “Call Me by Your Name,” will compete for Best Picture. After wading through flops like “The Lone Ranger” and “The Birth of a Nation,” Hammer is once again beloved. In the coming months, he’ll appear in the jocular Sundance highlight “Sorry to Bother You” and a Ruth Bader Ginsburg biopic that’s sure to be part of next year’s awards conversation.

Countless profiles have already traced Hammer’s roots as the aristocratic great-grandson of an oil magnate, and almost all of them herald 2010’s “The Social Network,” in which he pulled double duty playing twin Olympic athletes suing Mark Zuckerberg, as the actor’s illustrious Hollywood breakthrough.

Sure. “The Social Network” was Hammer’s breakthrough, and it’s certainly the movie that made him famous. But most profiles overlook the few projects that came before it, particularly one that caught my eye the other day: “Billy: The Early Years,” a biopic in which Hammer plays the one and only Billy Graham, who died last month at the age of 99.

Yep, Sir Armie ― the charming hunk who smooched Leo DiCaprio in “J. Edgar” and took a bite out of Timothée Chalamet’s semen-stained peach in “Call Me by Your Name” ― once portrayed America’s most famous evangelist, a Southern-fried live wire who popularized tent revivals, became the youngest college president in U.S. history, counseled actual presidents in the White House, called homosexuality “a sinister form of perversion” and urged his following to vote for Donald Trump despite the crude “Access Hollywood” tape that leaked during the 2016 campaign. 

But let’s not get sidetracked by Graham’s politics when we have a movie so deliciously bonkers to dissect.

“Billy: The Early Years” is a true wonder of the world, far more vapid and unskilled than your average inspirational biopic. Distributed by Rocky Mountain Pictures, a conservative company that would later release “Atlas Shrugged: Part I” and Dinesh D’Souza’s “2016: Obama’s America,” it opened Oct. 10, 2008, on 282 screens ― a decent number for a limited release ― and collected all of $347,328 at the box office.

Further clogging this enigma, “Billy” is directed by Robby Benson, a minor ’70s heartthrob who lost out on the part of Luke Skywalker, voiced the Beast in Disney’s “Beauty and the Beast” and helmed a handful of “Friends” and “Ellen” episodes.

According to a Los Angeles Times report from 2008, “Billy” cost $3.6 million ― more than the budgets of “Saw” and “Moonlight” combined. The Billy Graham Evangelistic Association declined to endorse the film, calling it “greatly embellished,” even though it’s a saccharine portrait that paints Graham in an wholesome, exceedingly favorable light.

“They wanted to make a movie about someone whose face could be chiseled into a mountain,” Benson said, referring to the producers, who’d recruited him for the job. “I said, ‘Let’s make it fun and funny.’”

Well, it’s fun and funny, all right. It’s also a fascinating case study of an actor making an odd career choice on the pathway to fame. Let’s recap the film’s highlights.

‘Billy: The Early Years’: An Incredibly Specific Plot Summary 

Following a Brooks & Dunn cover of Johnny Cash’s “Over the Next Hill (We’ll Be Home),” the movie opens with a framing device. Martin Landau ― yep, Oscar-winning Martin Landau ― plays the elderly, hospice-ridden Charles Templeton, Graham’s evangelist BFF who later denounced Christianity.

He’s giving an interview to a documentary crew, though said documentary’s only purpose in the film is to provide Templeton interludes that fade out to reveal Graham-centric flashbacks. Every shot in Landau’s hospital room is overlit like a second-rate sitcom.

The first flashback cue: “Billy’s life was like a fairy tale. […] Billy grew up in a Norman Rockwell painting.” The stage has been set. We transition to Charlotte, North Carolina.

As it turns out, all Billy Graham really wanted to do was play baseball! Armie Hammer ― or someone who looks like him; we only see his backside ― hits a ball into a starry night sky in slow motion.

Six minutes in, here comes the Armie we know and love, dressed in a trim baseball uniform and delivering flowers to his mama.

As we learn, 16-year-old Billy didn’t have much of a thing for religion, probably because of his devout, uncaring father. For example, during a prayer at the dinner table, the little rebel sneaks a bite of food. (Maybe this is a good time to note that it’s the Great Depression? Multiple characters mention it, but the movie doesn’t delve into many of the era’s social dynamics.) 

Billy swears he’ll never become a preacher (or an undertaker, which we can’t fault him for). In his eyes, evangelists are “money-grubbing” hacks, period.

Blissfully, “Billy: The Early Years” has no time to waste. Immediately after he condemns preacher-hood, a farmhand invites Billy to attend to a tent revival. For the uninitiated, that’s an outdoor worship service where a man in a boxy suit shrieks about eternal damnation. There, the reverend addresses Billy directly, leading to the quickest change of heart ever known to changes of heart. Time to go to Bible school! 

But forget all that altar-call stuff. The movie gets good ― real good ― in the next scene, when Armie dons overalls and tends to farm work like something out of a fetish fantasy. Luckily, his mama approves of Bible college! (Told you it was the quickest about-face.)

Oh, and “Billy: The Early Years” Armie is just as handsome as “Call Me by Your Name” Armie, but he’s slightly less sculpted, giving him a plantation-twink vibe. He was 22 when the movie came out, and more young boys would have come out too, had they seen it. (Little did we know the peach-related intrigue that awaited us.)

The movie returns to Landau for some fodder on Templeton’s less dogmatic religious conversion. Boring.

Meanwhile, Billy has begun selling hairbrushes door to door, bringing his chewy Southern cadence and calculated charm to one home after the next. Knock on my door, Billy!

Here he is cheesing at evangelism-school orientation. Look at those blue eyes shimmer.

When seminary begins, Billy’s roommate tells him preaching is no different than selling brushes. Voila! It all makes sense now. But phooey on that one girl in class who rejects his advances. “I just don’t think you’re going to amount to much,” she says, after showing up at a dance with another boy despite having told Billy she’d go with him. Ouch. What a fool.

As for Billy’s first sermon, well, I’m not sure what we’re meant to make of it. Amid a staggeringly earnest story, the scene jolts into a surreal whimsy that’s just plain confusing. Billy stands at the lectern nervously, fiddling with his notes and observing a clock’s defeating tick.

Then, as if a lightning bolt has struck him, he starts shouting to the room in nonsensical fragments (“And what about David and Moses?!”) as the camera zooms toward him feverishly. Zany hoedown music plays as he yaks. At first it seems like a fantasy sequence, something taking place in his head. A homily on LSD, if you will.

But it’s all too real. I think?

The congregation’s reaction shots ― also captured via quick, tilted zooms ― seal the deal. A diamond in the extreme rough, that Billy.

Now it’s back to his romantic life. He’s crushing on the girl who will become his wife, Ruth Bell (played by Stefanie Butler). After he passes her a note in the school library and ignites their courtship, Billy and Ruth start romancin’ it up. Naturally, it’s a sexless arrangement, as far as we see it, until children enter the picture. Gotta stay pure.

But remember how baseball was once the only thing Billy wanted to do? Well, apparently he’s no good at it anymore. Ruth knows how to throw a ball, but Billy does not know how to catch it without hurting his cute little hand. (Or his big hand. Armie Hammer is 6-foot-5!)

He squeals in pain every time. Does it really hurt that much to catch a baseball? (This is a real question. I wouldn’t know.)

Billy then has the dreamiest split-screen phone call with his mother to proclaim his love.

One quick serious note: Lindsay Wagner, the “Bionic Woman” and “Six Million Dollar Man” actress who portrays Billy’s mother, is actually rather lovely in this movie. She has a delicate way of making silly dialogue seem authentic. Bravo, Lindsay Wagner. Someone give her a real role.

OK, so we’re a little more than halfway through this 85-minute gem when, for some reason, Billy starts preaching to anyone who will listen. Literally. I guess that’s what evangelizing means? Sort of? Cut to him standing outside some dilapidated sheriff’s office wearing this oddly patterned suit and converting a nonbeliever in a matter of seconds. And to think how hopeless he was the last time we saw him orate.

Meanwhile, Martin Landau is still stuck in that hospice bed, recounting his own evangelism days and his friendship with Billy, who is now preaching to larger and larger crowds.

In the best moment so far (other than the overalls), we get this cool shot of Landau imagining his younger self, played by Kristoffer Polaha.

Polaha’s Templeton is suddenly everywhere in Billy’s life, including at the birth of his first daughter. But Charles’ faith is shaken by the horrors of World War II ― which, sure, fair. Makes sense. Nazis are horrific.

Things keep on zipping, and after a title card informs us that two years have passed, Billy goes from farmland sermonizing to being president of Northwestern Bible College in Minneapolis at the age of 29. He doesn’t want to be one of those money-grubbing preachers he slammed at the start of the movie, so he tells his staff to make sure he’s “accountable for every penny collected” and can avoid whatever might precipitate the “downfall of an evangelist.” 

Here’s when things get Mike Pence-ish. In order to avoid a scandal, Billy decrees that “no man is to be in a room alone with a woman other than his wife.” It’s the most sexually explicit moment yet, other than the overalls. (But just wait.)

Charles’ crisis of faith intensifies as the war rages on. He brings his dilemma to Billy. How can God leave Hitler to run amok? How can the Almighty allow such travesties to blanket the globe? 

They sit together on a couch, seemingly on the precipice of a big ol’ smooch. Little did Armie know, he was auditioning for “Call Me by Your Name” almost a decade too soon. 

Charles abandons the pulpit, but Billy keeps praying nonetheless. When he next sees his friend, it’s the summer of 1949, four years after the end of World War II. Charles has doubled down on his agnosticism, and Billy, now 31, has doubled down on his convictions.

More importantly, they’ve both doubled down on their sexual tension. This is presumably unintentional, but let’s ignore that boring detail and accept the scene at face value.

Now, with less than 12 minutes remaining, a seed of doubt has been planted in Billy.

He has a dark night of the soul ― literally. In the next scene, he teleports like a ghost, appearing in the middle of the woods somewhere. Now we know where that $3.6 million went: The CGI is lit. 

It’s his come-to-Jesus moment. He is coming to Jesus to beg for proof of the Bible’s veracity. “Where are you?” he yells, after which a montage of moments from his still-young life flash by. That’s it! Mystery solved! It only took recalling his past to move on with his future.

“I hear you, Lord,” he says, again proving that Billy Graham had the hastiest religious conversion ever known to preachers whose net worth totals $25 million.

And now, everything’s hunky-dory. Billy’s “early years” are coming to an end, and so is the movie. Suddenly, he’s preaching about his friend Charles in his own tent revivals and telling the masses that Jesus “came from that part of the world which touches Europe and Africa and Asia” ― aka the Middle East ― and “probably had brown skin.”

Considering how much some fundamentalists love White Jesus, this is maybe sort of a progressive idea to include in this otherwise ginger movie? 

Anyway, apparently this is what it looks like to stand in front of a sky. (Note: The sky is gray at the start of this concluding sermon, but grows progressively bluer as Billy continues. It’s a metaphor!)

And the crowd! What a mighty crowd! He made it though the wilderness! (Yeah right.)

That’s the final shot. The end credits roll to the sounds of Michael W. Smith’s “Amazing Love.”

Here’s what we learned about Billy Graham from “Billy: The Early Years”: He’s a walking version of the hymn “Old-Time Religion,” blessed with a pleasant working-class upbringing and a squeaky-clean respectability but cursed by a sex appeal he can’t take advantage of and what seems to be no desire to visit his old friend, who is stuck in hospice giving interviews about Billy’s life.

You should watch this movie. It’s a masterwork to behold. 

A representative for Armie Hammer did not respond to our request for comment.