#and i made this in the aftermath

[bit-redz]

i gave them cats,,,,,,,

[donsgraveyard]

I have a headache

[the-nysh]

Oh Meryl.....:') This will be a longpost commentary on the events of Trimax vol5 & 6 primarily from her perspective, so let's get into it!

Alright, so remember the foreshadowing in Meryl's line about seeing Vash's 'entire enigmatic past' from Trimax vol3?!

Well in Trimax vol5 all that becomes true! When getting 'touched by an angel' directly connects her to Vash's memories through contact with his feathers, she gets a front row seat to personally SEE, feel, and experience ALL the worst pain and trauma Vash has endured over his functionally immortal lifetime of horrors!!! Bearing witness to just how heavy a burden of sorrow and torment he's suffered carried with him that she's always wondered about; now she knows the full context of everything.

From witnessing his lone struggles as a younger child first learning how to use a gun, grinding through all his bloody mistakes, losses, and failures, to the worst calamity that he, as a transformed nonhuman 'gun' himself, became capable of unleashing on the planet: the terrifying destruction of July itself.

As Vash regains his lost memories of July through a meltdown of grief, regrets and revelations of his own (how firing his power inadvertently killed everyone he knew and loved), all at once, his pain while reliving those horrors of the past resonates to become her pain. (Remember this for vol6!)

And just to grab a mic to reiterate, Meryl is only a normal human woman here, with no special powers or superhuman training to prepare her how to handle any of this! (This disaster exceeds her realm of expertise!) She’s also the only one who gets to see, understand, and resonate with the entirety of Vash’s pain and feelings on such a direct, private, and literally mind-melding intimate level of connection. (Linking the human with the inhuman/monstrous.) So of course she’s terrified! Being thrust into such an unprecedented dangerous situation, witnessing inescapable horrors beyond human comprehension, AND by getting a very real demonstration of Vash’s power (on the verge of exploding out of control) and his transformed inhumanity RIGHT UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL!  

So it’s truly a testament to her mental fortitude and resilience that she didn’t just break from the information overload or succumb to the level of despair and terror right there--no, she bravely keeps her wits about her, and despite everything she remains on Vash’s side, shooting first to defend him (aiming right for Legato using the gun she picked up from Zazie's corpse) as the one who breaks the multiple-way stalemate between all their enemies instead! GO MERYL!!!!

(It's why this moment's probably one of my top favorites in the whole manga!!! ;o;) Cause the entire time, even while under severe mental distress, crawling through the rubble with his powers and feathers surging everywhere, Vash had kept her safe and physically unharmed within his wings, and then her first action upon surfacing was to take charge to protect him in turn!! I love it; cause even during such a dire emergency and all the mental stress she's put under while in the heat of the moment, her faith and dedication (to fight without hesitation at his side) still aim true~

And even after Legato critically pushes the crisis from bad to worse, to the point Vash is provoked into almost firing his Angel Arm in feral-retaliation to stop him (holy foreshadowing of their future duel!) with Meryl literally stuck in the middle of all this chaos (while shocked, powerless, and terrified--bless her heart) as Vash struggles to regain control of himself...

(Note: even Wolfwood was blown back by the surging energy, but with Meryl literally RIGHT THERE under Vash, it's amazing she didn't get hit being that close to him.) ...she STILL doesn't run away from him once the dust settles, and is in fact the first one to approach him in concern to ask if he's ok after...

(So whew, a relieved round of applause for Meryl remaining strong in the active face of so much strife!!) The immediate aftermath of this whole experience gives her the tangible proof and perspective from Vash to understand and fear that Knives--as his twin in power but having the actual intent to destroy the world behind it, is fully capable of ending humanity's future.

Of course, the experience doesn't also leave her unscathed without any lasting mental scars to cope with...as Trimax vol6 so graciously shows us how things will always Get Worse before they can get better...

Where sure enough, she's already having difficultly sleeping with night terrors and loss of appetite--it's honestly no surprise the terrible experience has given her symptoms of ptsd she'd be made of something unbelievably superhuman if she weren't affected, and consulting with Wolfwood unfortunately doesn't offer her anything (helpful) she doesn't already know...(cause at this point, she's literally seen more of Vash, especially the amount suddenly exposed to all at once, than Wolfwood could possibly know how to advise her on. He's still struggling with plenty of his own fears vs loyalties towards Vash himself.)

Only that he stresses the importance she weighs her options now to make the decision to quit her job while she still can (a choice and the freedom to 'get out' that Wolfwood comparatively doesn't have under direct orders from Knives) to remove herself and Milly from getting further involved with Vash--specifically the life-threatening danger he poses as a living weapon (despite his best intentions and character as a person!) set to explode with the firepower to raze the world--if Meryl values her life.

But truly, how does Meryl feel about that? What does she value and care for more, that'd be most important to her--her life or her job? Is following Vash (surveilling him for 'risk management') more than just a job to her at this point? What about her feelings towards him as a person--the man she already knows, vs her need to reconcile with the truth (that he's not even human!) that she didn't know until just recently. Is the level of imminent danger and risk she's putting herself into, now that she fully understands how dire, truly worth it (for him) this time? And if she still truly cares for him, does it even matter what he is? Despite any pros or cons and conflicting feelings about it, which will ultimately remain the stronger reason compelling her choice to stay?

Whew! She has many things to evaluate and consider going forward, especially if she wants to continue at his side. (And as Wolfwood stresses, continuing puts Milly at risk too, so that's even more weight/responsibility to balance on Meryl's shoulders.) Including processing the very nature of her fears--to identify what it is that truly terrifies her (is it truly Vash or something else?) before she can hope to face or overcome them. Before this biggest hurdle tips the scales to debilitate her resolve or outright prevents her from continuing her job at all. For now, she thinks and relates back to the firepower she gained when she first fired a gun...

And ah, HERE IT IS, she recalls what's scared her the most from her own past memories: "I gained the power of death at my fingertips. It was terrifying." Cause the first time she ever shot a person and realized the weight of the power she holds, she hated it. Shocked, collapsed, paralyzed, coming undone in the streets, closing herself off from others, regretting her action terribly... It was all too much. (Sound...familiar to the guilt and regrets of someone else we know? Meryl's shooting style is also notably non-lethal...because she too doesn't like to kill! When her first time wielding 'death' with her Derringers upset her this badly that she needed to adjust to be able to continue her job that required arming herself with this type of power...)

So remember when she resonated with the pain of Vash's memories? Seeing when he first struggled learning how to use a gun too, and all the blood and loss that accompanied it? However...his experiences didn't just end there, with only his first time shooting a person.....cause the first time he shot his real power (without him knowing what would happen) he caused the destruction of an entire city, killing everyone he loved in it! He didn't just 'gain the power of death at his fingertips,' he literally BECAME it, armed with the power to end the world. Hating and regretting his action so terribly, the catastrophe traumatized him with amnesia and led to a full-blown meltdown in grief and despair once he finally remembered. With Meryl there, witnessing and feeling all of it along with him. (His pain became her pain; his trauma became hers...)

That the sheer magnitude of wielding that kind of terror, as an intrinsic, inseparable part of himself (unlike a handheld gun you can choose to put down; he can't), let alone carrying the fear of it going out of control again if he's not careful, is indescribable. And if Meryl can now understand the gravity of that in relation to her own gun experiences (when the memory of firing her Derringers was already enough crushing weight for her to fear) then as the peace-loving person she knows him to be, who's always tried his hardest not to kill anyone, the crushing multitudes she knows he must feel now upon recovering his memories filled with so much death unleashed by his own hands must be unbearable. Feeling precisely just how much MORE terrifying and overwhelming the burden must be for him. It makes her wonder HOW can he still even bring himself to pull the trigger?!

Just look at Meryl's collapsed posture, it's the same she felt in her own past experiences...only this time it's directed in relation towards him--almost expressed in his place for the crushing weight he must feel. She's outright screaming/crying/bawling for him in empathy for the pain he must feel every time he's forced to fight and shoot someone with so much baggage behind it. Oh Meryl....:') (This is probably the strongest we've seen her cry for him...and it certainly won't be the last she cries in concern to relieve the pain of his burden.)

And Meryl, watching him fight on regardless, becomes struck and speechless for another reason, as she realizes how much his incredible strength and fortitude allow him to push past his unbearable pain to continue his job: "I felt...his determination is even stronger than the regret he carries."

Which is true, for the same stronger feeling that compelled him to stop at nothing, despite being on the verge of total collapse bearing his regrets of July, when he grit and forced himself to continue on his mission to save her from the Dragon's Nest. :') This is how he does it; how he continues to fight for what's important. (And yes she was that important, as the thought of losing her like his loved ones at July, is what fueled his determination back then to keep going.)

However, the struggle is never easy, as Vash, for his own part, masked behind his new goggle-edged glasses and kind Rem-like smiles 'as usual,' has not been coping well behind closed doors at all. (That Meryl could even sense an air of unusually 'off' distant/detached/avoidant behavior from him that she asks Milly about it.) We see him immersing himself in thousands of rounds of (non-lethal) target practice til his hand bleeds, and when drilling that level of focus + exposure isn't enough to take the edge off, he visits a church during service to hear a sermon on forgiveness...only for him to deem it hopeless there's no possible release from his sins when he can't even forgive himself, and there's even evidence he'd been drinking in not-quite-so savory (healthy or responsible) ways--unsettling even Wolfwood that something's uncannily off with him. (All being different attempted coping methods to drown out and escape the pain of his past regrets, but even Vash knows it's impossible now to forget...)

So all it takes is one slip-up when he's depressed off his game for everything to tumble into a trainwreck... Where Meryl seeing him block a bullet with his powers (instead of his usual self-aware dodging?) triggers all that terror to come flooding back into a panic attack.

Where it's truly unfortunate (and oh it hurts...) as an accident, something involuntary--a messy, instinctual reaction completely beyond either of their control. Cause Meryl didn't anticipate her ptsd to manifest and incapacitate her like this! that a single flash of his feathers would remind her of Everything--of all the worst horrors those powers are capable of when unleashed, the weaponized death and terror it represents, and the very moment she felt and experienced all of it while trapped powerless and panicked to do anything... No no no, returning to that headspace is horrible; it's all still too fresh to relive and TOO MUCH trauma for a human like her to bear; she couldn't help coming undone in the streets in a far worse way than she's ever had before (and I don't blame her.)

And Vash didn't mean to publically out himself as a nonhuman 'monster' to everyone either, when tensions were already high following Knives' mass murders for them to link the same culpability towards him, while he's still struggling to get a handle on his newly awakened powers too--ohshit indeed when they suddenly manifest and the truth breaches containment freaking everybody out in a witch-hunting mob of scorn, fear, misunderstandings, and hatred. (Ouch...)

What's more, Vash probably didn't even know Meryl had seen his memories, or had been affected by his trauma to such an overwhelming degree--since the transfer happened more as an autonomous side effect of his powers activating rather than anything he purposely intended....(once again, unintended consequences beyond his control; he never meant to cause any of this harm!!) So from his perspective he probably doesn't fully understand how to interpret her distress (apart from the crowd's?!) or know what to do to help. Cause reactions from strangers are one thing to bear, but if he sees her reaction to him--and his nonhuman display, as anything like theirs...then it's so much worse cause it's Meryl, who's known and been with him since the beginning. She's someone important he cares for...and now she's hurt and visibly scared from yet again another mistake he can't undo. ohno ohno he knows he messed up...

(Plus poor Milly has no context to understand what's wrong, or why Meryl's so upset either, since she'd been knocked out during the later parts of the Dragon's Nest to know what happened. So now she's alarmed and concerned trying to process why everything's suddenly gone to shit, anchoring Meryl the best she can, while shaken by the pain and cruelty Vash endures in such a situation masked with a smile...)

Despite the stones thrown by the crowd (nooo~) Vash's first priority concern is to run straight over to check on Meryl...

*And here's where I scream bloody murder* Cause that single flinch--from reaching towards her with that arm too, probably hurts him more than any of those stones thrown at him in hatred and revulsion that he's a monster. Cause to him it probably reads as a perceived rejection from Meryl (noooo~), and the amount he's hurt from realizing he's the one who hurt her this way....ohhhhh his crushing guilt must be heart-shattering...;A;

But there's no time, as before Meryl's even ready to speak or clarify how she feels, the choice she previously had on whether she wants to leave or stay is taken from her as Vash is the one who's forced to leave her instead. :')) The only thing Vash can do is repeatedly apologize as he runs away he can't even say goodbye--Wolfwood has to say that for him...and admit to Wolfwood how much he 'really feels like crying.'

(And once again poor Milly, left with no other explanations, can only read how much his pained empty mask of a smile has broken...)

What sucks even more, is knowing how much Meryl had already empathized with his pain (she could already feel that strongly for him!) and being in no condition to explain herself or her fears to him, once her panic subsides, she's bound to feel that much more terrible with guilt from realizing how her reaction (especially her flinch) had unintentionally hurt and pushed him away....leading towards a bad result she simply couldn't help and had no power to change...what a disaster.

But is someone as usually brave and tenacious like Meryl going to let that be the end of it? Broken on a disastrous parting and painful misunderstanding (she never meant to 'reject' him!!!) she literally had no say over? What of her brand of determination--especially towards what she feels (and decides) is most important, becoming stronger than the pain and regrets she carries? (Just like Vash! Can she find it within her to continue, or start over, inspired just as he does?)

Her struggle now becomes finding that strength (even a driving belief) to tentatively (re)build that trust and acceptance between them towards recovery. To endure, fight, and conquer those horrors to bridge (reconnect) the gap between the human and monstrous that separates them. (Especially if she truly cares and wants to do it--for the sake of what Matters, for what'll make the effort Worth it.) It'll be huge and seemingly insurmountable for any other person bearing the same strife she carries, but you can do it Meryl, I believe in you~~

[puppetmaster13u]

More Possessed Doll Au (the au was created by @phoenixcatch7 so go check them out they do great stuff!)

Honestly this would be early-ish I am thinking into Bruce doing his vigilante work with the doll body. Or he just straight up has thick eyeliner/raccoon makeup lol.

[satans-knitwear]

I went out (looking fabulous) for lunch with baby belle and the bestie yesterday!

A lovely day!! I also found an old print of a £10 note in the pocket of the red mac I got for £7 from the charity shop! Lucky!!

[commitmentissue]

zombie aftermath challenge - adjusted

i'm absolutely obsessed with all things zombie related, and i've always been dying to try the apocalypse challenge. it looks extremely fun, but i find the original challenge to be a little too hard for my play style, and the aftermath challenge a bit too short. so here's my version of it based off the original apocalypse challenge and this one from cannibalcupcake. the biggest change i've made is that there are much less restrictions. if it's not listed as a restriction, you can do it. my challenge is also a little different, because it gets slightly harder as you move on. there's also only 5 generations because there's really only so much you can do until you're just playing a regular legacy again. i would highly recommend playing with vector if you want actual zombies, along with this mod and this one if you want weapons to kill them. you may use any other violence/weapon mods if you wish. if not, you may use cheats to get around killing them or any sims. this is pretty long, so everything is included under the cut 🧟‍♂️

to start off with, any surviving sims and heirs must have at least one survival trait. if they get any non-survival trait, they must be killed off when they reach young adult. you may only choose the founder's traits, the rest of your sims have to be randomized. any other traits not listed are fine, i tried to go with what the original list had and my own personal opinions on what would work.

survival traits

-adventurous -angler -athletic -brave -daredevil -disciplined -eccentric -eco-friendly -family oriented (all sims who give birth must have this trait, if they do not, they must be killed off after giving birth. the children may survive) -gatherer -genius -green thumb -handy -kleptomaniac -light sleeper -lucky -natural cook -never nude -nurturing (they may also have this instead of family oriented, but same rules apply) -perceptive -technophobe -vegetarian

non-survival traits

-absent minded -brooding -clumsy -coward -hates the outdoors -heavy sleeper -insane -loser -neurotic -couch potato -hot-headed -over-emotional -unlucky -unstable

stage zero - infection

the world as we know it has fallen- no more electricity, no more jobs, no more people. there's zombies roaming around, after all. however, you managed to survive the end of the world, and now it's up to you to rebuild it.

to survive stage zero;

start off with two young adult sims, can have any traits but must have at least one survival trait. these will be the only sims whose traits you can choose, so pick wisely!

must live in a fenced in lot, if a sim leaves the lot for any reason besides an expedition or killing loitering zombies, they must be killed off

must grow your own food, there's no supermarket

must produce a surviving heir, have has many kids as you need to until you can do this. you also must try for a baby every time your sims want to woohoo

your sims may not have a job or be self-employed. money is obsolete now. you cannot sell anything in your inventory

you cannot interact with any sims outside of the family, they're all zombies!

cannot use any electricity. a stove and refrigerator are fine, they just have to be the cheapest one, you also cannot upgrade anything to unbreakable. you cannot repair or replace anything unless your sim is handy or has mastered the handiness skill. once it breaks, it's gone.

if you can justify something as battery powered, it is allowed, but if it breaks it cannot be fixed or replaced

may use plumbing, but no showers (yes, even the outdoor shower unless you don't like mods). sponge baths only. same rules as electricity

may go on expeditions outside the lot once a week, but once you have children only one sim may go outside until you get a teenager

this stage will be completed once your heir has aged up to a young adult.

stage one - lawless land

you and your family thought you had this survival thing down, until other survivors came pouring into town. now you have to defend yourself not just from the zombies, but from other people as well.

to survive stage one;

your heir must join the criminal career and until they are level 5, they must pay a $300 tax to the gangs every week

you may only marry and talk to other sims in the criminal career

you can only join the thief branch, your sim isn't the big bad guy

you can no longer use any plumbing or electrical items, the gangs have tainted the water and have completely shut off all power

can still go on weekly expeditions, but now you must roll a die on whether or not the sim will die. even for life, odd for death

you may also only leave during the night now, as the gangs patrol the streets

you can only have two children, but if neither survive you can try again. your sims must try for a baby every time they woohoo, so be careful, any extra children must be killed off

master the athletic skill

master the logic skill

reach the top of the criminal career

this stage will be completed once you have topped the criminal career and your heir has aged up to a young adult.

stage two - military power

you grew up knowing that all hope was lost and the past was in the past, until one day the military rolled into town and announced they were taking over. they've vowed to wipe out all the zombies across simlandia, but can you really trust them?

to survive stage two;

your heir must join the military career, and until they reach the top of the career they must pay a weekly $100 tax for each sim in the household (5 sims = $500)

you may only marry and talk to other sims in the military career

you may now use plumbing again, but only from 2PM-5PM

you can use electricity after reaching level 5 in the career, the military provides you with a generator. they must be the cheapest items

you can now use the cell phone again, but only for calls (treat it like a walkie-talkie or radio)

all food must be rationed, you can only keep 5 of each type of produce/meat. the rest must be 'donated' to the military (aka just throw it out, no selling!)

you can have as many kids as you want, but keep the taxes in mind. you can still only try for a baby when woohooing

you may now go on as many expeditions as you'd like at any time of day, but you still must role a die on your chances. even for life, odd for death

master the athletic skill

master the handiness skill

this stage will be completed once you have topped the military career and your heir has aged up to a young adult.

stage three - the cure

the military has announced that the only way to get rid of the zombies is to set off bombs. but this means you and your family could die, and all that they've worked for will be destroyed. it's up to you to save simanity.

your heir must join either the medical or science careers, but these are no longer jobs- you are a volunteer and money earned must be given back to the career of your choice. you can save $50 each payday

every promotion you get you must roll a die to decide if you lived or died while attempting to create the cure. even for life, odd for death. after 3 successful attempts, the cure has been made

you can now marry and talk to sims outside of your career, but no one from the military

plumbing is now unrestricted

electricity is now unrestricted, but you can still only use the cheapest items

sims no longer need family orientated/nurturing to give birth now that the hospital has been set up. you also no longer have to try for a baby every time they want to woohoo

food is no longer rationed, but you don't trust the meat the military provides. your family must be vegetarian (does not need the trait)

have as many children as you can, you're trying to repopulate and also make sure someone else can take over for you in case you fail at creating the vaccine

master gardening skill

master handiness skill

this stage will be completed once you have successfully created the cure and your heir has aged up to a young adult.

stage four - survival of the fittest

your parent's cure has been spread around the world, and the zombies have been wiped out. the world is ready to return to normal, but what is normal? you were born into a world of survival, you don't know anything else.

your heir may now join any self-employed career

your sims will no longer need to be killed off for having a non-survival trait, but they must be kicked out at young adulthood

all plumbing and electricity has been fixed and you can now afford nicer things- but do you really want them at this point?

your sim must live off the land, no buying things from stores, you don't trust anything from outside your own garden or what you've caught yourself

you can leave the lot whenever you want and no longer need to worry about rolling a die- it's safe outside!

do not get married

master gardening, inventing, and fishing

reach level 5 in 3 other skills of your choice

raise a spoiled child, they don't have to worry about their life anymore, so they're nothing like you. do not have a close relationship with your children

as an elder, move to a city to see what the new world has become. it's up to you what to do next

this stage will be completed once your heir dies.

and then that's it! you're welcome to continue the legacy past this however you'd like, but that's where i'm going to end it at. if you try this challenge you can @ me, i'd love to see it 💚 any feedback is much appreciated

[ink--theory]

moments before disaster

[1980ssunflower]

🏡💙So Good to See You!💛☔

[dynjir]

Recovery

[uncanny-tranny]

The hyper-veneration and almost fetishization of the USA's troops have honestly given rise for some of the worst types of people who want power without effort, I think.

It's why you see some entitled asshole troop who think they can do whatever to civilians because we "owe" them for them "putting their lives on the line" or the type of person who thinks they personally will stick it to a random Afghan civilian for what "their people" did on 9/11 (a racist institution fostering racism? Colour me shocked (sarcasm)).

As a US citizen, I'm personally really concerned with this attitude we have toward troops. As somebody who hates the institution of the military, I also hate that it fosters a genuinely toxic mindset - it's much like the mindset that is instilled in cops; however, when you are overseas, the people you harm are not typically US civilians, so people can sweep under the rug the injustice of terrorizing civilians who aren't "like us."

[whumpasaurus101]

hii! oml i'm like in love with ur writing ajsksemnsns

i was wondering if i could request something? i really wanna see 2 yandere, sadistic, villain whumpers x a hero whumpee ?? maybe a scene where their trying to lure hero in "going home" with them? thank you !! ^^

OHMYGOSH YOU ARE LITERALY THE SWEETEST STOP TYSMMM WAAAA <<33

Okay ik i say this with every piece BUT IMMA BE HONEST i am not happy with this and i am SOOOO sorry if this is not what you were asking of. DONT BE SHY TO BAP ME AND TELL ME IF YOU WNTED SMTHN ELSE HDUIHD BUT HAVE SOME WORDS WOOO (i am also so sorry its so short, it just kinda stopped where it gave the vibes it stopped? YK? HUIDHKHDHH)

---

“Leaving so soon?” Villain cooed, their eyes boring into Hero as they froze. 

“They…they won…SuperVillain won..” Hero mumbled, “I’m keeping my end of the deal, I’ll lay off your territory.” Their hand wrapped around their side as the familiar dull ache crawling along their ribs sent electric bolts sparking from pain, “Co-congrats.”

Hero was soon stopped as Villain 2 stepped right in front of them. They jumped, “Whe-when did you get here?”

Villain 2 smirked before cupping Hero’s cheek, brushing their thumb along Hero’s bruised cheekbone, “The least we could do is patch you up, hm?” Hero gulped, wincing slightly from the slight tingle of pain, “I…I just want to go home, I’m really tired,” Hero practically whimpered, jesus they were weak.

Villain 2 pouted, tilting their head gently. “Come home with us,” Villain smirked, “We’ll take care of you, baby-” Hero jumped but relaxed into Villain’s hand as it gently played with their hair, “-No one else will lay a hand on you” They whispered, a fire of jealousy roaring in their chest.

Villain 2 gently moved their thumb, feeling the soft, bloodied skin , “You’re such a pretty little thing…”

Hero’s brain was full of incoherent thoughts layered one on top of each other. They were so confused. Villains were bad, they were bad but… but after getting so hurt, all they wanted was comfort. Without these two Villain’s, they would be going back to their apartment, cook up some food and just go to bed. Alone. Nobody who could just… hold them

They gulped as a tear slowly made its way down their face, “I-I’m sorry-” Their throat felt tight from holding in all this feeling. “I’m sorry I’m so weak-” Villain quickly caught them as they fell, collapsing into sobs. Villain 2 clenched their jaw and glared up at Villain, “I’m going to fucking kill SuperVillain.”

Villain nodded, their fingers carding through Hero’s curls, “Absolutely. But we need to look after our priorities. Once they’re home with us and patched up, SuperVillain’s dead meat.”

They gently turned Hero so they lay on their back against Villain. They tucked a curl behind their ear and smiled, “Don't worry, doll, we’ll protect you. All you need is us. No one else.” Villain reached for their pocket and slid the gun across the ground, nodding at Villain 2 who took it and pocketed it before walking off.

Hero whimpered at the loss of a person but the gentle touch on their chest relaxed them, “Heyheyhey, it's alright, they’ve just gone to the shop quickly, need to get you all strengthened up, you're safe with me, I promise SuperVillain will never hurt you ever again.” They felt something tug at their chest. Hero needed them. The two villain’s are the one and only things Hero ever needed, “Never.”

[whattraintracks]

23. Least Favorite Student - TMNT 2012

Somebody take this kid away from me, I can't stop being mean to him.

"Very good, Michelangelo." Master Splinter's fond praise rings across the dojo.

Raph shares a grin with Mikey. Always nice to hear some positive feedback, even when it's not directed at him. Besides, his brothers are probably the coolest people ever, and they deserve recognition for that.

"Raphael." He straightens at the snap in Master Splinter's tone. "You would do well to heed your younger brother's example."

The reprimand draws all the good feelings from his body. Like any rebuke from his father, it stings all on its own. But it's not just that. It's the violent see-saw his voice does from warm to cold. It's the way he says younger brother, as if it's shameful Raph's not on the same level or better than Mikey. As if they aren't the same age. As if Mikey couldn't wipe the floor with all of them if he tried. And it all compounds until it feels like a blade carving into his heart.

He grits his teeth. "Hai, Sensei."

Master Splinter sends him to practice kata on the other side of the dojo while his brothers continue to spar. Just when he thinks it can't get worse. Sensei knows sparring is Raph's favorite part of training. He struggles to focus on each form as his mind runs away from him.

This is proof Mikey's a better student than him. Leo's obviously a better student than both of them. Then it doesn't matter where Donnie falls because Splinter's always liked Donnie almost as much as he likes Leo for all he does for their family. So that makes him, Raphael, the worst of them all. Then again, he'd always known he was Sensei's least favorite student, least favorite son. He's too angry. Too rebellious. Too aggressive. Too stubborn. Too loud. Too much too much too much.

He makes it through the rest of training on autopilot, and he knows Leo can tell because he shoots Raph an odd, searching look between matches. Leo better not ask if he wants a hug again because Raph will start sobbing or entirely shut down, and neither is an option in front of Master Splinter. He doesn't, and no one else pays him any extra attention. At least, until Sensei dismisses them all, then Donnie won't leave him alone.

He's just trying to get somewhere quiet and secluded, preferably with a door that locks and thick walls that muffle sound. Preferably his room, not the lab that Donnie's dragging him toward, but Raph's too unsteady with the weight of some impending something hanging over him. He can't walk straight, he can't focus. Donnie's talking about all the things he has to do for the lair and needing something, and come on, Raph, can't you help him?

Raph's not entirely sure he can breathe anymore.

Donnie stops abruptly, peering closely at his face. "Raph," he says like static, "You good?"

Raph is not good. There is no way he can make it to his room in time for what is about to be a cataclysmic panic attack. Instead, he stumbles past Donnie through the open door of the lab. Fat tears drip to the floor moments before he does, and then he's sobbing so hard he thinks he must be drowning.

He's not sure how long he chokes on his own tears before warm hands reach for him. His limbs are detangled, pulled upright, and tugged forward until his chin rests against a shoulder. Donnie's voice washes over him, counting a familiar breathing exercise while his claws click in sync against Raph's shell. The lungs beneath him expand and deflate with exaggerated emphasis.

They sit plastron to plastron on the floor for a long time.

"Was this," Donnie says haltingly, "about what Sensei said to you? Today? In training?" His voice trails off like he doesn't want to be wrong. Like he doesn't want to be right.

Raph, still tucked into him, shrugs. Cold and spent, but he gathers his voice past the rasp in his throat. "I guess. Just happens sometimes."

"I. Ah. No?" Raph grips tighter as Donnie tries to pull back. "I mean, yeah, sometimes Sensei can be kinda harsh with his criticism, but if this is how you react to it—"

"No," Raph coughs, shaking his head. "Just a bad day, I don't know. It's fine."

Donnie gives a disgruntled rumble, tugging at Raph more insistently. "It's not fine. We should talk to Sensei about this."

Raph jerks back, masking his panic with a glare. "Don, stop. It doesn't happen. Today's just, a weird day, okay? I can handle it. It's not Sensei's fault my emotions are broke, and I can't take a bit of correction."

Donnie's eyes are painfully intense, but he doesn't speak. They stare at each other, and he still doesn't speak. And the silence grows heavy and thick until—

"Fai."

Raph grimaces. That one syllable is such an unexpectedly devastating blow. He squares his shoulders in an effort not to shrink. Donnie hasn't called him that since he was five years old. Which was only a couple of weeks ago, but still.

"Fai," Donnie repeats, coaxingly soft, like trying to talk a kid out of their shell.

Words rush out of him, "I'm sorry I'm not little anymore."

Donnie's face goes through a complicated reboot process. "You're sorry you're not what?"

"Little, a kid, de-aged." Raph clarifies, flicking his hand.

"Why would you apologise about that?" Donnie is almost comically wide-eyed. "I'm the one who did that to you. If anything, you should be mad at me."

Raph shakes his head furiously. His breathing has picked up again, and Donnie's once soothing rhythm against his shell makes his skin crawl.

"I'm too much," he gasps. "I was easier like that."

Donnie snorts, "You definitely weren't."

His breath catches.

"You were five, Raphael," Donnie deadpans, as if that explains everything.

When Raph just stares at him, he continues, "You had no emotional regulation, a penchant for mischief, and usually made absolutely zero sense. You would suddenly have opinions on things you'd never heard of before. You were so maddeningly adorable that Leo gave you whatever you wanted. And Mikey was apprenticing you in all things prank-related." Donnie leans in with a glint in his eye Raph can't guess at. "If we didn't get you back when we did, there probably would have been an outright war."

Raph suddenly crushingly realises that he has always been and will always be a horrible person. A horrible student. A horrible son. A horrible brother. He knew it. Sensei knew it. He's—

"Hey," Donnie drags him out of his spiraling thoughts with a pat on his cheek. "I'm still talking. Five-year-old Raph was an agent of chaos, but you were also incredibly kind-hearted, quick to forgive, fiercely protective, hilarious, and still my favorite brother."

Donnie smiles at him, and Raph sees—thinks he sees—kindness and love but also something bittersweet and sorry. "You're still all those things, Fai, and more. But there is nothing about you that could possibly be too much, and I want no other version of you than this one right here." He punctuates his message by thunking their foreheads together.

And they sit like that for a long time. Long enough for Raph to really start breathing easy again. Long enough for him to start believing his brother means it. Long enough to start feeling embarrassed by this whole chain of events, but never let it be said Donnie knows when to leave well enough alone.

"I didn't realise you have panic attacks," he has the gall to half-ask conversationally.

"Only sometimes," Raph grumbles, then shrugs. "That one was kinda bad."

Donnie hums and then gets that breakthrough look on his face. "Probably because I dragged you to the site of your most recent trauma. Oh, sewer apples, I'm an idiot."

"Hey." Raph smacks him. "Don't call yourself that. You're too much of a genius to be an idiot."

Besides, he’s wrong. Sure, a lot of crazy stuff happens in this lab, but Raph has only ever felt safe when he’s here with Donnie. Being alone in here? Usually a bad idea. But this is Donnie’s domain, and he likes seeing his brother in his element. Confident and commanding and sometimes even cool. As if he can hear Raph's thoughts, Donnie grins lopsidedly.

And then, cutting to the heart of it, he declares, "If I'm a genius, then I say you're not broken."

"Don," he pleads.

"Uh uh," Donnie chides cheekily, "You said I'm a genius. I'm smarter, I know best."

Raph narrows his eyes. See if he ever says anything nice to Donnie again.

"You're not broken, Raphael." And Raph is surprised at how fast he stops bragging, at his utter sincerity. "You don't need to be fixed. I'll take you however you are. I promise."

Raph would weep if he hadn't already spent all his tears for the year. "Whatever you say, genius."

That crooked smile comes back. "I love you, Fai."

"Yeah, yeah, I love you, too, nerd," is what he says, but Raph is sure his gratitude and joy are obvious.

He kicks away, pushing to his feet and ignoring Donnie's aggravated scoff. "Now tell me what you need help with, and maybe I'll decide it’s worth my time."

"What would I need help—Oh." Donnie looks sheepish, rising to his feet but hunching his shoulders. "I just needed to grab my controller. I wanted to play that new video game from April with you."

And that, that right there is Donatello at his sweetest. Something's changed since Raph was little, he's still not sure what. But Donnie's making an effort to spend more time out of the lab, and it matters. It matters so much.

"Well, if you wanted to lose so bad, all you had to do was ask," Raph turns and marches toward the pit, determined to leave the bad feelings of today behind.

"Oh, it is on, Raphael!"

[jimmyjrsmusoems]

do you guys think that tina listened to teardrops on my guitar on repeat post v for valentine-detta

[rookesbane]

And you never have.

[mxdotpng]

the progression of events in this arc is so so good and great and i love how you can just clearly see where and how each characters thoughts begin and progress throughout each chapter as it goes on. while steven was probably set in stone about his view on how to handle the situation i earnestly believe zed and zapp set out to disobey steven's request. and then they make it very easy to understand leo's point of view and why hes doing what he is - its why they show us that flashback and don't tell anyone else, and why he speaks very little after zapp threatens him - and then immediately cuts to klaus, who knows absolutely nothing about the situation currently but he can figure it out just by looking at whats in front of him. and because klaus is so unflinching when it comes to upholding what he believes is morally right he does so without anyone needing to tell him whats going on. he sees this percieved 'monster' protecting someone else and immediately goes to protect it, too. and even though a lot of them disagreed with each other at the beginning there is still the scene afterwards where they all come together to try and catch each other when they begin falling. i think nightow should pay me for what its done to my mental health