#at least for me and ryan which is what a lot of the plot revolves around

[1980ssunflower]

🏡💙So Good to See You!💛☔

[santiagonex]

As 2020 is nearing, it’s time to see what 2019 has brought us when it comes to gay representation in tv shows and movies. Below ‘read more’, there’s a whole list of tv shows/ships/movies (with pictures and basic description) which include/are about gay (used as an umbrella term) men and couples (so basically have gay storylines and at least one gay person is a main character of the show/movie).

Since I’m a gay man, I keep up mostly with mlm, if I included wlw as well, I don’t think the list would be complete with my lack of knowledge, so sorry about that. I’m pretty sure there are more competent people who can do that instead of me.

Total Count of TV Shows in the list: 65 Total Count of Movies in the list: 27

 Anyways, here we go.

TV SHOWS

TV SHOWS WITH TITULAR/CENTRAL GAY CHARACTERS/SHIPS

The Other Two: the funniest most-relatable show centered around three siblings – one of them is gay (left). A must-watch for sure. He’s pretty much the hugest part of the show, there are some love storyline (...and they were roomates), some self-loving moments and iconic lines. Just watch it, you won’t regret it.

Sex Education: show about two best friends, one of them (right) is gay. His name is Eric and he gets involved with his enemy Adam (left). Amazing show.

Special: show about a gay man Ryan (right) with mild cerebral palsy, who wants to live his life as an independent person to the fullest. Easy and short show to watch.

Druck (German SKAM Remake): if you don’t know SKAM, it’s pretty much a show where each season is devoted to one character. Third season of German SKAM aired this year and it was revolved around a gay guy (left). For the first time in SKAM history, the main character’s love interest is a trans guy (right).

Skam France (French SKAM Remake): the French version of SKAM had a gay season this year as well. 

WTFock (Belgian SKAM Remake): Belgium has a season focused on the main gay character this year as well.

El corazón nunca se equivoca: I’m pretty sure you’ve heard of Aristemo from ‘Mi marido tiene más familia’. Well, they’d already aired the first season of the new spin-off centered around their lives in college (I think).

Merlí: Sapere Aude: Bruno (left) and Pol (right) fans, it’s time to make some noise. Brunol is coming back because Pol is getting a spin-off which will be taking place in university. Bruno will be in it as well. First episode airs on 5th of December this year.

Pose: second season of Ryan Murphy’s popular show with main transgender and gay characters has aired this year.

The Politician: another show from Ryan Murphy was created. The main protagonist of the show (right) is played by Ben Platt and he’s gay. The show contains many LGBT+ main characters.

Tales of the City: the revival of the Tales of the City sequence of miniseries aired this year. The show includes many LGBT+ storylines.

The L Word: Generation Q: the revival of The L Word show will air on 8th of December this year. The show is mainly about lesbians, but based on trailer, there will be a gay couple included as well.

Years and Years: very futuristic show with a political message. Includes both mlm and wlw as main characters.

The Red Line: the plot of this show involves a white cop in Chicago who mistakenly shoots and kills a black doctor named Harrison. Harrison had a husband (left) and daughter (right). The show deals with the consequences of the event.

Now Apocalypse: all I’m gonna say is that Beck from Victorious got to make out with Scott from Teen Wolf, Matty from Awkward and Jake from Glee. The show was renewed for second season and later this statement was taken back and it got cancelled – which I guess says enough about the show.

This Close: the show is about two best friends who are deaf. One of them (left) is gay and has a storyline and spicy scenes with the guy on the right and some other guys as well. 

Schitt’s Creek: David (right) and Patrick (left) aka the cutest softest couple of all time. The last season of the show will air next air. Watch the show if you wanna laugh and watch the healthiest gay couple on tv. They also got engaged this year, which was beautiful.

NEW TV SHOWS (1 SEASON) WITH MAIN GAY CHARACTERS/SHIPS

Daybreak: both main characters and basically on different sides of the battles. Who wouldn’t want to watch enemies being in love Romeo & Juliet style.

El Juego de las Llaves (The Game of Keys): very interesting and fun show to follow, the one on the right is the main character. He’s closeted, has a girlfriend and gradually realizes there’s something else out there. Nice kissing scenes, plus one very spicy scene. Doesn’t hurt that the guy on the left he will be involved with looks like a dollar store Chris Evans if you squint hard enough.

Five Bedrooms: 5 strangers moves in. The guy in the middle is gay. His mom is a very traditional Indian woman who just wants grandchildren. The whole show is heart-warming and sad at times. The guy gets fair share of screentime and some love interests including a cop from the neighbourhood.

Made In Heaven: Indian show that follows the lives of Tara and Karan (left), two wedding planners in Delhi running an agency named Made in Heaven. Karan is gay. Very progressive show with spicy gay scenes.

What/If: haven’t seen the show yet but friends said these two have a nice storyline in the show. Threesome included.

Bonding: show about two best friends Pete (left) and Tiff (right). Pete is gay. They basically... do freaky shit for work... umm. Just watch trailer or something.

Osmosis: I have no idea what the show is about but the guy on the left is set to betrying to find a soulmate or something. I think I remember seeing some spicy scenes.

Pretty Little Liars: The Perfectionists: basically some gay romance with the guy on the right and someone else. The one on the left dies the first episode so I did not even bother after that. But you can be the judge of it.

Doom Patrol: Larry (left) is a superhero, kinda. There’s something haunting his past, though. Something that involves being gay.

The Umbrella Academy: Klaus (left) my favorite character. He’s kind of a hero along with his other siblings. There’s a deep gay storyling along the way.

Weird City: anyways... all I’m gonna say is that Dylan O’Brien played a gay for one episode in a show. Wish there wasn’t this huge ugly age difference.

Roswell, New Mexico: cowboys, aliens, bisexuality, homosexuality and all that. Didn’t really see the show but there’s a lot of content with these two.

Good Trouble: never saw the sow but the guy on the picture is a main bisexual characters. There are some mlm scenes.

The Society: Grizz (right) and Sam (left) literally the highlight of the show. Just watch it, it is worth to see it for both of them. Sam is also deaf. The show is basically about a bunch of teenagers getting stuck in a town with no one else in or around.

High School Musical: The Musical: The Series: The High School Musical tv show has just started airing on Disney+. Carlos (left) is confirmed to be gay and to be getting a nice development this season which will probably involve Seb (right) as well.

The Heights: Australian tv show. Sully (left) is gay. Got a thing for Ash (right) at the start. Then things were messy. Then they suddenly kissed. And the things are messy again.

El Club (The Club): very interesting show. The gave these two really (like REALLY) spicy scenes. Some romantic stuff. But there’s really not much depth in my option. Check and see.

Volevo fare la rockstar: didn’t see it but it’s an Italian show and there’s a romantic storyline between these two.

No Good Nick: Jeremy (right) came out this year on this sitcom. Nice and very weid sitcom. Unfortunately it was cancelled, but the way they handled his gay storyline was rather nice.

World on Fire: follows lives of ordinary people from Britain, Poland, France, Germany and the USA during World War II. Two of them are gay. And yeah one of those two is Will from sense8.

TV SHOWS (1 SEASON+) WITH MAIN GAY CHARACTERS/SHIPS 

Andi Mack: the show that made history. Andi Mack is a Disney Channel show and for the first time in Disney Channel history, Cyrus (right) came out using the word ‘gay’ and made it official with the recurring character TJ (left) this year. The two-season slow-burn was really worth it.

Shadowhunters: Malec got married this year. Yay.

Grey’s Anatomy: Levi and Nico still going strong.

La Casa de las Flores (The House of Flowers): despite the first season making it seem like it was the end for Diego and Julián, that’s not the case. In season 2, they’re stronger than ever, the scenes are spicier than ever and the show is gayer than ever.

Baby: first season was mostly focused on Fabio (face on right) realizing he’s gay. The second season has shockingly showed us that Brando (face on left) is gay as well. Very toxic ship so if you enjoy Gallavich this is probably for you.

Élite: Omar and Ander continuing their journey.

Shameless: Ian (up) and Mickey (down) came back to Shameless season 10 as main characters. About time.

Station 19: new love interest (left, a deaf character portrayed by a deaf actor) was introduced for Travis (right) in the season 2 finale. Let’s see what happens in season 3, which airs in 2020.

Ackley Bridge: they pretty much baited us with Cory (left) and Naveed (right) this season. They stayed just friends, but Naveed found a love interest, so that’s nice.

Find Me In Paris: Never saw the show, but Jeff (on the picture) is gay and his love interest Isaac gets introduced in second season that aired this year.

13 Reasons Why: Tony and Caleb going strong. It was also revealed that Monty (right) is a closeted gay and had a storyline with Winston (left). There’s probably more to come with them in next season. 

Insatiable: unfortunately they didn’t serve much Bob (right) & Bob this year. But they introduced detective Rudy (left) and there were some scenes and twists and turns. Whatever.

Riverdale: I don’t care. Kevin (left) is still there. There are some gay charcters based on wiki, but yeah. Crumbs, I bet. Whatever.

Charité: second season (which has the two main gay characters) takes place in Berlin in 1943. You don’t need to watch the first season at all, to understand the second one with them, it’s basically a stand-alone.

Animal Kingdom: Deran and Adrian’s story coming to an end?

The Magicians: Well, they killed off the central bi character Quentin (on the picture), so fuck them. 

How to Get Away With Murder: Connor (left) and Oliver (right) still there.

Dear White People: haven’t seen it, but Lionel (on the picture) is still there and he’s gay.

Zoe Valentine: there’s this web series and these two have a storyline in second season that aired this year.

SOAP OPERAS AND TELENOVELAS

Sturm der Liebe: Boris (left) and Tobias (right) are married and lived happily ever after. Really cute and sometimes dramatic storyline overall. Check it out.

Malhação: Vidas Brasileiras: Santiago (left) and Michael (right) had a gay storyline but the show ended this year.

Malhação: Toda Forma de Amar: Guga (right) and Serginho (left) have a gay storyline in the show.

Eastenders: Ben (left) and Callum’s (right) storyline has begun this year.

Neighbours: David (right) and Aaron (left) aka husbands still in the soap.

REALITY SHOWS

Queer Eye: five gay guys helping others. Season 3, 4 and a special have aired this year.

Are You the One?: for the first time in the show’s history, season 8 of this dating reality show had an all-sexually fluid cast this year. Which means mlm and wlw and anything else. Really fun show.

MOVIES

Benjamin: don’t even remember what the movie was about but I rec because it was cute and I mean hello Merlin.

Boy Erased: homosexuality and religion. Has a Troye Sivan in it. Very decent movie.

And Then We Danced: my favorite gay movie of this year. All the things they had to do to be able to film this in homophobic Georgia (the country)... just wow. It’s a must-watch.

Who Would You Take to a Deserted Island?: didn’t know what to expect from this movie. It is based on a play and it shows. Watch and be the judge of it. The acting was really highlight of the movie.

This Is Not Berlin: hasn’t seen it yet since it was just officially released. But it is included in an LGBT+ section so... hopefully they didn’ lie.

Rocketman: movie about Elton John with Taron Egerton and Richard Madden... I mean, phew.

Un Rubio (The Blonde One): gonna watch this, apparently it’s amazing based on what some of my mutuals have said.

The Death and Life of John F. Donovan: Jon Snow being gay and kissing Chris Zylka. Made by Xavier Dolan. A literal tripple threat. Genuinely enjoyed the movie and the soundtrack.

Ranchlands: haven’t seen this but my friend said it’s amazing.

Steam Room Stories: this movie was something... Eating Out levels of ‘I-’ but without all the sex. I guess watch this if you are bored.

Posledice (Consequences): very spicy and intriguing movie. Slovenia snapped with this one.

Papi Chulo: didn’t like this movie and the concept of it but... you can check out and see for yourself.

Dolor y gloria (Pain and Glory): Antonio Banderas kissing a man. Hopefully it really is a gay-related movie because I haven’t seen it yet.

Die Stropers (The Harvesters): brilliant cinematography but I expected much more from the movie.

Giant Little Ones: what happens when you’re into your best friend’s sister but the best friend gives you a BJ. Well... watch and see.

Kanarie (Canary): a war musical about a small town boy who gets chosen to serve his compulsory two year military training in the South African Defence Force Choir and Concert. Loved the involvement of the Boy George music, aesthetic and story. One of my favorites this year. 

Luciérnagas (Fireflies): haven’t seen it yet but the description says that the main gay character (right) “flees from persecution in Iran and ends up living in the tropical town of Veracruz.”

El Angel: haven’t seen it but apparently there are some implications it was lowkey gay... so yeah.

Dear Ex: from wiki “San Lian was devastated when she discovered her late ex-husband left his insurance payout to his male partner Ah Jie. She decided to bring her son to fight for their rights, but her son instead chose to stand on the other person's side.” Will watch this soon, sounds interesting.

Sauvage: one of the best gay movies this year. Don’t know how to describe it so let me copy paste the description “ Léo is a sex worker who uses drugs whilst longing for love.”

Sócrates: haven’t seen it yet as it was just released.

Marilyn: story about a farm worker who discovers his sexuality in a hostile environment. Didn’t see it since someone has told me there are some scenes that are really HARD to stomach and I ain’t about that life.

Les Crevettes pailletées (The Shiny Shrimps): the movie is about an Olympic swimming champion who makes a homophobic comment in a television interview, and is disciplined by the national swim team with the responsibility of coaching a gay water polo team who aspire to compete in the Gay Games. Sounds and looks like an amazing comedy and can’t wait to watch it when I will be able to.

Fin de siglo (End of the Century): it’s not out yet as far as I know, but it’s about two men who meet in Barcelona and realize they have met already 20 years ago.

Matthias et Maxime: another excellence by Xavier Dolan. Story about life-long friends who question their sexual identities after they kiss. Looks amazing and I can’t wait for it to get released finally.

The Goldfinch: not a gay movie, but I’ve seen many people considering it as LGBT+ cinema because of the book and you know what, they kissed after all so you can perceive it beyond friendship if you want. If not, then just skip it. I feel like it is worth mentioning it tho.

Mapplethorpe: movie is about the life of photographer Robert Mapplethorpe. Didn’t see it but Doctor Who plays him so there’s that.

UPCOMING

TV SHOWS

9-1-1: Lone Star: The spin-off of a popular show 9-1-1 by Ryan Murphy is premiering 19th of January 2020. It’s confirmed that the main character TK (a firefighter, left) will be romantically involved with the main character Carlos (a police officer, right). The show will also have a main trans man.

Love, Simon: The Series: A Disney+ Love, Simon spin-off is on its way and will premiere in 2020. The series will follow Victor (right) and his coming-out story at the same high school where Love, Simon took place. Didn’t find a photo with his love interest. The guy on the left will most likely be his enemy.

[fillingthescrapbook]

Kung Fu Busted

Before I begin, I want to say that I am grateful that there is a television show like Kung Fu, a program that has a primarily Asian cast. I am also thankful that the CW decided to renew the show for a second season although the ratings aren't very high. Now with that said, I really hope the network's decision to renew early-ish would give the creative team enough time to fix the problems of this show. Number one being its lead character.

I feel bad for Olivia Liang, the actress playing Nicky Shen, because she is a good actress. The material she's working with though is really doing its damned best to make Nicky unlikeable. And it's one thing if she was written to be a flawed character working towards becoming a better person--she's not. She was presented as someone who wanted to escape her life, who found peace--and who is forced to come back to the life she ran away from.

In the pilot, Nicky is someone who learns that people cannot stand alone, And that a community is stronger together than apart. She learns that her choice to abandon her life instead of facing her problems didn't solve anything--and has, in fact, caused more troubles for her and her family. She learns this--and applies that learning in the second episode, when she gets a random and truncated story revolving around a young woman trying to save her mother from an abusive boyfriend. And then Nicky devolves.

In Episode 3, Nicky helps out an overworked woman by charging at the problem with no thoughts about consequences. But at least she was helping someone. Because Episodes 4 and 6 has Nicky at her most self-centered. She's breaking the rules, she's breaking the law, and she's breaking the fragile relationships she has just so she could go after mystical weapons that are vaguely defined as dangerous...if they fall into the wrong hands.

Even Episode 5, where Nicky is supposed to care about someone else's plight, started and ended with Nicky's obsession about the mcguffins. Which marred an otherwise well-plotted episode.

The thing is, Nicky being this prickly and out-of-touch could very well be written into the show. She spent three years in a monastery. While that wouldn't have made her oblivious to the world at large, it would have hampered her social skills a little bit. Imagine having to speak in Chinese for three years and suddenly having to switch back to straight English again? Imagine having spent days only on training, on meditation, and on chores--and then having to live a life centered around earning again? Those are stories and conflicts that can be fleshed out and woven into Nicky's return to her old life.

The second episode could've been so much better had Nicky's arc with the mother and daughter victims of domestic abuse taken the whole episode, instead of just a third of it. They could've cut out Althea's c-plot about being a bridezilla and have her be more involved with Nicky's a-plot instead. This actually helps the relationship between Nicky and Althea become deeper, leading to Althea helping Nicky out in the next episode without questions, and with Nicky becoming the first person Althea talks to about her secret. Meanwhile, Nicky's strained relationship with her parents could've taken up the b-plot more with Evan, Henry, and Ryan playing a bigger part there--which could lead to Nicky and Ryan having a spat which would lead into their issue at the start of Episode 3.

I have thoughts about the structure and overall plot-messiness of Episodes 3, 4, and 6 as well--but I want to move on to my next problem with the show: the characters, outside of Althea, do not feel realistic.

Henry is Kung Fu's plot Macgyver, the one character to call for whatever Nicky needs to do that other characters can't help her with. And outside of his interest in mythology, his background in petty crimes, and his presence in the Chinese community center, we don't know a lot about who he is as a character. Because he only exists to be Nicky's key to whatever plot she needs to unlock.

Evan is a more interesting character in that he is a person of authority who wants to protect Nicky--which is a treasure trove of moral dilemmas. But it feels like the writers don't know what to do with Evan. Because, similar to Henry, he only appears to provide Nicky with keys to plots she needs to resolve. And it doesn't really help that the actor playing Evan, Gavin Stenhouse, doesn't have chemistry with Olivia Liang.

Then there's Ryan, Nicky's brother who was supposed to be the one closest to her before she went AWOL. Ryan whose most interesting characteristic so far, his membership to the LGBTQ+ community, was resolved off screen. I know LGBTQ+ coming out stories have been done so many times already--but can you imagine Ryan's story had Nicky come back with him engaged to a girl? Because his confidence deserted him when he needed her the most? Because the sister who said she would stand by him disappeared during the time he was being pressured to get engaged and marry? And then imagine his storylines after coming out? Having to find safe havens? Having to deal with a different kind of discrimination? That could provide so much b-plots that could go so well with procedural a-plots for Nicky to solve as she repairs her relationship with her family. So much potential lost.

Which brings me to Nicky's parents. Tzi Ma is wasted on this show. He is a very good actor, and aside from the great scenes he had in the first two episodes, the only thing he's been given to do is act the doting husband and loving father. Tan Kheng Hua gets more meat in her stories as Nicky's mom, but her characterization wavers between protective mother, disappointed mother, and cold mother so much that you don't even know if she's supposed to help Nicky grow, or be a villain Nicky needs to defeat.

Althea's fiancé is just eye-candy, the villain Zhilan is just a moustache-twirling baddie, and Pei-Ling doesn't know if she's Nicky's voice of reason, devil's advocate, or a ghost who just doesn't want to share everything she knows to Nicky.

The characters are a mess. Which makes it no wonder that Kung Fu, as a story, is such a mess too. You have too many cardboard characters needing some color into their personalities. And the show focuses too much time on mystical weapons and a mysterious villain that doesn't really have any teeth. So what we've gotten so far is a show that can claim they have Asian representation--but doesn't offer anything else.

[curious-minx]

Bob’s Burgers most reliable holiday  provides another lowkey enjoyable, but messy episode. Whereas the latest Simpsons strikes a really sore vocal node.

The second holiday episode of Bob’s Burgers’ 11th season, much like the previous Halloween episode, this one also fails to live up to the series’ even higher Thanksgiving standard

 That’s not to say “Diarrhea of a Poopy Kid” is not a good episode, but it does fall into the category of Bob’s Burgers episode I typically respond to the least: Character-based storytelling vignettes. The writing on these segment driven episodes tend to be looser and  playful bending the show’s reality, but much like every time the other Fox family leaves the Springfield plane of reality into a pastiche styled playground for the writers to plug the characters into.

The overall animation and visual-based gags on this episode offers some of the best moments of the season and series in general. Having the Belcher stories revolve around action movie pastiches of 90’s action movie schlock like Air Force Once, Armageddon, and late 80’s Predator  are extremely punny and really grasping hard for satire. The walk to Louise’s Breadator is succinct and makes total sense for Louise’s character to tell this kind of story, whereas Tina drawing inspiration from Air Force One for her story sags the episode down. This episode also has the gall to bring in Gayle, a character that usually elevates all of her episodes nothing much to do until the third and best segment told by Bob. Teddie is also frustratingly nowhere to be seen and Teddie is one of those characters that really only needs a small scene explaining away  his absence like in the episode “Gayle Makin’ Bob Sled,” which Variety and I consider to be among the best of Bob’s Thanksgiving episodes. 

Nitpicks and reminiscing on past glories aside, what’s most impressive about an episode as conceptual and overstuffed as this one, an episode that’s also poopy and gross-out from the very beginning, still manages to pack undeniable heart. Seeing a character as relatable and sad sack-y as Bob Belcher be passionate about his one favorite holiday reminds me of the everlasting and evergreen Ray Bradbury remark about how everyone is capable of writing poetry as long as you ask them to talk about something they are truly passionate about. Seeing how this episode climax revolves around Gene and Bob’s love of food and proves a powerful sentimental moment. Bob’s Burgers sentimentality works because the show’s core is silly absurdism, light and fluffy gross out gags and quirky twee-ness. Introducing the action movie element feels like the series trying to branch out its audience and try to catch some eyeballs of viewers looking for something more like Archer, American Dad, Rick and Morty, or even Treehouse of Horror style genre exercises.  Bob’s Burgers and action comedy feels like putting garlic pesto on cinnamon toast, but Ryan Reynolds doesn’t think so.

Yes, that’s right. The biggest news out of the Bob’s Burgers camp…probably ever…is that the Molyneux sisters, the writers of this very action packed episode, have been hand selected by Mr. Detective “VanWilder” Pickachu himself to be head writers on the upcoming third Deadpool movie. Seeing that we live in a post Russo brothers world and how Dan Harmon was conscripted to punch up Doctor Strange scripts none of this should really surprise me, but I am still very much surprised by this development. The Deadpool 3 creative team and Reynolds is still promising to deliver an R-Rated Comedy, a rating and promise that is very much why Deadpool is the sensation that it is. 

In the current media landscape the only way a big budget R-Rated comedy can get made is if it’s attached to something like a mega superhero sized brand. At this point in time Deadpool is the closest thing kids have to a Mel or Al Brooks and it is what it is. If anything Ryan Reynolds personally choosing the Molyneux sisters for a project like this makes me like Ryan Reynolds a little bit more. And he’s a man I previously had no real feelings or opinions about. The only other thing about Deadpool I know about is that the franchise has developed a particularly shitty reputation in terms of its treatment of main female characters and literally freezing them out of the plot. The future of comedy is being driven by the significant increase of women gaining these kind of writing gigs and it’s a beautiful thing to finally see witness. Especially when a company like Netflix has been really shitty to both of its own female driven comedies: Glow and Tucca and Bertie.

Sigh. I am thankful for all the sad little boys and girls wearing too much or maybe the right amount of eye shadow that will inherit this flaming Earth.

Three and half pear shaped pals out of an Oedipus Rex Complex. 

////

Nerds! Nothing but a lousy rotten sniveling dweeb! You dorkus-rex! You body pillow huffing geek get over here and let the Simpsons set some things straight for you: A Comic Book Guy driven episode of the Simpsons is often where the show goes off the rails. The Comic Book Guy marriage episode is was one of those late day Simpsons that feel like a bad piece of dreamed up fan fiction that you found on the cutting room floor. Is the show interested at all with the fact that comics and being nerdy have become as mainstream as the Bible? No? They’re still treating geek culture as some sort of low hanging piñata fruit lousy with cheap references in place of actual jokes? Good! I don’t know why I would ever allow myself to think for a second that the Simpsons would challenge its own status quo 32 seasons in, but I keep coming back. 

What I should really do is back up. The title of this episode is “Three Dreams Denied.” Ah, Dream Denial! That’s exactly what anyone watching an animated sitcom hopes for: dreams being crushed. This isn’t some kiddy Davy and Goliath feel good wholesome fable, this is the Simpsons where characters are given dreams, and those dreams get denied. The next part of the title I want to break down is the fact that there are specifically three dreams that being denied. Three! That’s a comedy number! As long as you have three of anything you’re doing comedy. Plain and simple.

During the Robert Zemeicks arc of the Blank Check podcast Griffin Newman, co-host and comedian extraordinaire and someone I generally admire a lot, has been bringing up the fact that he’s been spending a lot of his Quarantine rewatching the entirety of the Simpsons. By the episode of Used Cars Newman has already gotten past the Movie era and is in the 20th seasons. One observation he made about later day Simpsons is that these episodes have a tendency to end abruptly on a pile of unusable and reality bending plots still in the process of tying themselves up. And there’s no better/worse example of this than this episode. 

Comic Book Guy goes to a comic book convention. Bart becomes a voice actor after befriending the comic book guy’s temporary replacement. Lisa feuds over her saxophone chair in the school orchestra with a new pretty boy voiced by the underwhelming Ben Platt. One of these plots is not like the other. This used to be the signature of a quality Simpsons episode that managed to tweak and divert expectations from the typical A & B sitcom storylines. This episode fundamentally fails to deliver on any of the three storylines and what makes it worse is that it’s an intentional choice. 

Now I know I have spent this review harping on Comic Book Guy, but he’s not even why this episode for me is such an abomination. And it’s not because the cutesy, flimsy Lisa subplot either (although I do find it noxiously amusing that a week after an Yeardely Smith took issue with the Queer Interpretation of Lisa would feature her going moony eyed over a boy voiced by a defiantly queer actor), no, what tips this episode into the territory of the truly terrible for me is the Bart becomes a voice actor subplot. 

The only defining quality of season 32 that I can discern is that the flagrant trolling on behalf of the writers. Can you believe we had three vignette driven episodes of the Simpsons in a row? Can you believe we would have meta reality breaking voice actor related moments back to back? When Lisa Simpson’s voice actor Yeardley Smith voiced the real world character of herself in the previous Podcast based episode it was clumsy and awkward as hell. Having Bart become a voice actor that ends up voicing a character of the opposite gender is the sort of kind of a funny thing that resembles a joke that the latter day Simpsons revel in. The characterization of voice acting work in this episode is downright insulting and explains exactly why this show suffers. 

The character of Phil that serves as the Comic Book Guy’s replacement is a working voice actor. He let’s Bart know this by doing a series of completely basic, broad and unremarkable impersonations that Bart is seemingly impressed by. All you have to do to become a successful voice actor is do a silly voice and you’re golden. Maybe from the perspective of a series as lazy and indulgent as the Simpsons is when it comes to voice acting. The complete denial of Julie Kavner’s deteriorating voice that at this point sounds like gentle elder abuse. There are times when Kavner is downright incomprehensible at times. The other oldest member of the Simpsons voice talent, Harry Shearer was wrongheadedly trying to defend his right to voice Characters of Colors because  in his words, “the job of the voice actor is to play someone who they’re not.” Obviously these words were not spoken by someone that thinks very highly of acting either. There is no one job an actor has to do, because the job  of an actor is always changing from job to job. The character of Phil is not even attributed to anyone! I have spent over thirty minutes getting testy with IMDB search engines and reading another website’s recap and no one can tell me who did the voice of the Voice Acting Character on Simpsons. Lovely.

Much like the Comic Book Guy the Simpsons heart is in bad shape. This is a show whose entire existence seems to be made out of spite. Or to garner enough funds for Matt Groening to prevent him from ever having to serve any prison time for his exploits on the Lolita express. Great, see I’m bringing up the Lolita Express at the end of a Simpsons review. This episode really left me in a bad mood, but thankfully that’s what Bob’s Burgers is for. 

SKIP. The only people that should watch this are people teaching a screenwriting class that need examples of what happens when you break your episode by haphazardly shoving three plots into one episode. If you can’t tie up one story in a satisfying manner then you really shouldn’t be telling a story at all. There’s also one really magnificent visual joke involving Homer and beer tea that is absolutely wasted on this episode.

[deco-devolution]

For the media hyperfixation; 📃 ✨📽💔🏳️‍🌈🍀💎💢 (Sorry for so many, just curious kakfkkakgka)

📃 what is the plot of your hyperfixation? and is it a movie, game, show, etc?

A: Hopefully y’all are already aware of this, but BioShock is a retrofuturistic horror/thriller FPS which revolves around helping your character escape an eerily abandoned underwater city, while fighting off the crazed and mutated inhabitants.

✨ what draws you towards your hyperfixation? what is interesting about it?

A: There’s just… so much of it to explore, visually and thematically. Growing up and living in a big city and having an interest in the past, I’ve always been fascinated by the idea of a place made to hold so many being left to the few, and how the ideal of profit over humanity can totally ruin the world as we know it. 

🎥 do you have any favorite scenes from your hyperfixation?

A: Subject Delta’s death scene, BioShock’s Good Ending, BioShock 2′s Good Ending, BioShock 2′s Neutral Ending, BioShock 2′s Bad Ending, Minerva’s Den Ending and the Siren’s Creation in BioShock Infinite. 

💕 tell us about one of your favorite characters and why you like them.

A: Brigid Tenenbaum! She’s just such a well-written, beautiful tragic mess of a character. 

💔 tell us about one of your LEAST favorite characters and why you dislike them.

A: Frank Fontaine or Augustus Sinclair, tbh. I don’t like Ryan either but those two seem weirdly popular and it’s baffling to me. 

🏳‍🌈 do you have any headcanons (lgbt, race, neuro, etc) that are important to you?

A: Sure do! Lightning round to keep it short: Brigid Tenenbaum is (canonically autistic ) bisexual, Julie Langford is a lesbian, Tasha Denu is bisexual and dyslexic, Sander Cohen (canonically gay) has Hyperactive Type ADHD and HPD, Eleanor Lamb is bisexual, Elizabeth Dewitt is a lesbian with BPD, Booker is bisexual with PTSD. All lot are bi because im bi oops

🍀 do you have any kins or comfort characters from your hyperfixation?

💎 are there any fun facts or trivia that you would like to share?

A: In the game files for BioShock Infinite, there are three unused unique lighthouse-type models, one being an observatory on a snowy mountain range, another being a tower in the desert, and a third being a deep-space outpost!

💢 what do you NOT like about your hyperfixation? is there something you would want to change about it?

A: How many people seem to have missed the message of the game and are entirely on Andrew Ryan’s side of things. I know the fandom is smaller than, say, the Fallout fandom so there’s less room for weird alt-right shit then there is over there, but it bothers me a bit. 

[comicsnsuch]

Tales from the Dark Multiverse

Hi! Thanks for finding this tumblr. The plan is to share and write about comic books, comic book art, other things that interest me and such, thus the name of the tumblr. Maybe you share some of the same interests, or maybe you’ll discover something new.

I’m going to try to post as frequently as possible, but that frequency will vary depending on what real life is like week to week. On slow weeks, there will be more stuff, on busy weeks less.  You get it.  Hopefully if you check in now and then you’ll find some new content.

I work (worked?) in a comic book shop, but as I have been recently reminded, due to the COVID-19/Coronavirus epidemic, I am non-essential.  Thanks State Government! Always good to have a self esteem boost! 

Anyway… I love comic books, reading them, talking about them, (thinking about) making them and so on. Always have, always will. I wanted to have an outlet for sharing that while I can’t be in the shop doing it face to face with customers and random strangers. 

I’ll be writing short reviews for what I’ve been reading, new stuff, old stuff, posting pics, etc.  

 Feel free to comment, but please keep it friendly. Assholery will not be tolerated.

To start with I just finished reading all of DC Comics Tales of the Dark Multiverse one shots. 

                                     I made this in MS Paint!

These started coming out in 2019 and the last one was released in early 2020. The idea behind each is Tempus Fuginaut, a sort of Watcher type character for the DCU (who I think debuted, or at least I fist remember seeing in the Sideways ongoing, a Dark Nights Metal spin off) observing the multiverse and introducing a story that takes an important moment in DC history and asks “what would have happened if things had gone differently?” DC’s version of What If?  in a nutshell.

       That’s Tempus Fuginauts big ol’ head in case you were wondering

 As the “Dark” in Tales of the Dark Multiverse might imply, these are not happy stories.

The first one shot that was released was Tales of the Dark Multiverse Batman Knightfall by Scott Snyder and Kyle Higgens with art by Javi Fernandez.  

This was probably my least favorite of the five issues. Since the “No Justice” mini series event I’m over Scott Snyder. I feel he has so many ideas rattling around in his head that he begins one story, gets too excited about the next one and leaves you underwhelmed with the current arc but dying to read the next. (That being said I of course checked out Batman Last Knight on Earth, having read his and Capullo’s entire New 52 Batman run I didn’t want to miss their “final” word on Batman, but have not read his just wrapped run on Justice League which I hear was quite good). 

I read this one right when it was released a few months ago, so my memory of it might not be the best.  

This one centers around the Knightfall event where Bane breaks Batman’s back and Jean Paul Valley/Azrael takes on the role of Batman. In this reality Bruce never recovers and Jean Paul remains Batman becoming Saint Batman, a Bats Azrael mash up. Javi Fernandez does a great job on the art and Snyder loves chopping people up. 

                                                      Gross.

Definitely worth the read if you’re interested in it or are a fan of Batman or just the Knightfall era. If you grab this series in collected format it’s not so bad that I recommend skipping it, just not my favorite from this batch of books. 

Next up is Tales of the Dark Multiverse Death of Superman by Jeff Loveness with art by Brad Walker and Andrew Hennessey. I really enjoyed this one, it was a good quick read and had a nice arc to it. One of the better issues from this series if you’re asking me.

Right after Superman dies defeating Doomsday in the Death of Superman story arc, the rest of the Justice League shows up, literally as the blood is drying.Ten seconds too late. Lois Lane blames Supes’ death on the heroes for not being there to aid him. 

She makes her way to the Fortress of Solitude and thanks to the Eradicator gets herself all the powers of Superman. She then goes about dishing out justice, with extreme prejudice, to the villains the heroes normally let the revolving doors of the DC justice system handle. This involves a couple of great scenes with Batman and Lex Luthor. Loveness nails the dialogue and the character arc he puts Lois on is great to read. 

                                  Walker and Hennesey do it again!

There’s more to this story than I’ve put here, but I don’t want to say too much and ruin your enjoyment of it if/when you read it.

Special shout out to the art team of Brad Walker and Andrew Hennessey. I feel like they don’t get enough love. They killed it on the Demon Hell is Earth mini, and from what I can tell are crushing it on Detective Comics. Dudes can draw. Spread the word!

Then we move onto Tales of the Dark Multiverse Blackest Night by Tim Seeley and Kyle Hotz. 

This one was a bit wordy, but a lot of fun! I would put this one in the middle of the pack. 

Seeley brings together an interesting bunch of characters including Sinestro, Dove, Lobo and the New Gods! The plot is a little complex, but basically after the Color Corps lose the battle against Nekron in Blackest Night, Sinestro is looking for a way to undo the damage done and becomes a pawn in Scott Free’s plot to do the same. 

Give Seeley a Lobo book or a Hawk and Dove book, or a Mister Miracle book!. He gives each character a unique voice which makes their joint travels through the plot that much more fun to read.

Kyle Hotz’s  art in this issue reminds of a 90’s Image Comic in the best possible way. Lots of detail and cool poses. I also see a lot of Bernie Wrightson in there with Hotz’s heavy use of black and the sinewy musculature of the characters. The book is worth the price of admission to see his renditions of Dove and Mister Miracle. 

                                                          kewl!

 I’m glad to see Hotz working more or just seeing more of Hotz’s work. I don’t know if he fell out of the industry after drawing the original The Hood mini for Marvel with Brian K. Vaughan, working with Eric “The Goon” Powell on Billy the Kid’s Old Timey Odditys, doing art on Carnage Mind Bomb and more I’m sure ( I just can’t remember it all), or I just wasn’t paying attention to what he was working on. If it’s the later, shame on me, if it’s the former, welcome back Mr. Hotz, you’re crushing it and I look forward to seeing more from you. Check out more Kyle Hotz work by following him on Instagram @kylehotzcomics.

Let’s not neglect the oft overlooked inkers! I’m not sure who inked what, but on a guess, Dexter Vines and Walden Wong brought a smooth, cleanness to the proceedings with lots of nicely tapered lines. Again just guessing here, because I don’t know for sure, but Danny Miki used a finer line bringing a scratchy-ness the others didn’t but also amazing detail and clarity on some of the portraiture in the later half of the book. 

Who’s next? Why it’s Tales of the Dark Multiverse Infinite Crisis!

This one may have been my favorite. When the original Infinite Crisis series came out it was a period  where, due to personal lack of enjoyment, I wasn’t reading much of DC’s output, but I did read the Countdown to Infinite Crisis one shot this issue takes as it’s jumping off point. After having read this issue, it makes me want to go back and read Infinite Crisis. I would say that’s the sign of a good issue.

In this alternate reality Blue Beetle, Ted Kord, kills Maxwell Lord instead of vice versa, making himself the head of Checkmate. He then goes about trying to prevent the coming crisis. It’s kind of a tale about absolute power corrupting absolutely, it’s also an underdog tale about getting in over your head.

                Sorry if these images aren’t the best, I’m new at this!

James Tynion IV does a great job catching you up on any old DC continuity plot points you may have forgotten or never knew about in the first place.If you’re reading Tynion’s current run on Batman, or his work on Detective Comics and Justice League Dark, you know he can handle a complex plot like this and does a great job condensing it all down to a single issue.  Aaron Lopresti and Matt Ryan handle the art and they do a great job. Always happy to see Lopresti’s name on a book I want to read.

Bonus points: You can never have too many Ted Kord, Blue Beetle comics, especially when Booster Gold pops up, even if only momentarily. 

If this series leaves you wanting more Blue and Gold action may I direct you to Booster Gold (2nd series) #32 thru about 38ish for some quality comics.

Final one, Tales from the Dark Multiverse the Judas Contract!

I’m not as old as my writing may imply so I had to read the Judas Contract in collected format about 20 years after it was originally released and after having seen it on many a fanzine’s (Wizard) best of list.  When I finally got to read it I wasn’t super familiar with the Titans of the era and already knew the big twist in the story, so it just washed over me without any great effect. None of the shock that someone who was reading it fresh in the 80’s might have experienced. 

I ended up liking this twisted take on the Judas Contract much more than when I read the original. “Sacrilege!” I know, I know, but like I said there was no surprise when I first read it, while this one zigged instead of zagging multiple times and kept upping the ante in scale. 

Kyle Higgins and Matt Groom do a great job reinventing a classic that I’m sure many people had high expectations for. This was a fun faced paced tale.  I enjoyed the hero moments Dick Grayson and Wally West were given. Like the Knightfall one shot Higgins co-wrote with Snyder there’s no shortage of dismemberment and disfiguration, which is neither a plus or minus in this situation, just thought it was worth noting.

Tom Raney handles the art chores here and he does a fine job.  Some of the figures seem a little squat, and their heads are too big in certain panels. Could I do better? No, so who am I to say anything? I just noticed it, here and there, it took me out of the flow of the story every now and then. That’s all. Big fan of his work on Stormwatch and Outsiders with Judd Winick. I also hear he’s super nice, so if you’re ever at a convention where Tom Raney is, seek him out! 

                                      They seem squat, right?

It’s worth mentioning these books are all done in DC’s prestige format and are extra long at about 48 pages each. All covers are by the fantastic Lee Weeks. A nice way to spend the afternoon.

There’s the first post. A little longer than I thought it would be. If you made it this far, I hope it was clear and you understood what I was saying and I hope you liked it and want to return for more. 

Until next time!

[rochellespen]

Watching Doctor Who Season 37 (Series 11), Episode Two

After taking the time to have a bit of nonlinear fun with Thirteen’s debut episode, it looks like Chibnall decided to go with a simple, running down corridors adventure that would not be out of place at all in Classic Who.

Whether this is a good or bad thing, I guess depends on who you ask. Me, I like to have a nice balance between the clever, thought-provoking, mind-bending Who and the more straightforward action romp Who. In other words, I think episodes like say, Blink, need some episodes like 42 to give us a good mix of fun and cerebral. 

So seeing as I was fairly certain that this would be much more of the latter, I went in with an adjusted set of expectations. Now comes the question, were those expectations met?

Let’s find out by taking at look at The Ghost Monument.

Spoilers (for those who still need them for the episode) underneath the read more....

Episode Thoughts

This episode gave us this Doctor’s intro credits finally. It’s certainly a change from how other New Who seasons which have normally given us a much more defined “tunnel” or spiral look for us to travel through the credits. However, I also couldn’t help but think that it reminded me a bit of the watery, morphing credit sequence from Hartnell’s era. 

By necessity, really, we got the admittedly cool cliffhanger out of the way by having everyone “scooped” out of space by a pair of dueling humanoid aliens. Graham and Ryan end up on the ship with a pilot who doesn’t believe a word they say while the Doctor and Yasmin end up on the ship that’s about to crash...which seems painfully apropos in relation to the Doctor....XD

I happened to notice in the end credits that this episode was shot in South Africa, a first, I believe, for Doctor Who. It’s a great choice for something beautiful and yet desolate and definitely different from the standby rock quarries. Watching everyone wander around these deserts with the yellow tinged lighting gave it a realistic alien feel.

In fact, I really liked the cinematography for this episode in general. A friend of mine mentioned that episodes in this season almost seem like a movie and I have to agree based on what I saw with the outer space and desert sequences.

Anyway, after some typical Doctor pulling everyone out of a crisis moments, we’re given our plot of two contestants in a race to save their families from some unknown (well, to us anyway...) threat. This certainly isn’t the first time that a race with a life-changing payoff was a central plot point on Doctor Who (Enlightenment, anyone?), but I did appreciate that we were given the details over the course of the episode rather than give us a big info dump at the beginning. 

From there, the action of the plot is mainly a backdrop for continuing theme of how people are better off working together than on their own, a point that is illustrated in more than one way. Ryan tries to have his Halo moment and shoot his way past the sniper bots, but that ends with him screaming in retreat. Epzo keeps trying to go it alone so he can win the race and almost ends up getting killed more than once. It’s a bit obvious, but it’s also a solid way to let plot complement a story’s theme.

By the way, sniper bots...I kind of wish that we had spent more time on that. Or maybe not. Maybe it would have just turned out to be a bit too much like Raston Warrior Robots.... Ether way, we did get some good action sequences out of them.

What we also get are some questions and connections without resolutions. So...apparently the Stenza which attacked Earth in the first episode was also involved with wiping out Epzo’s and Angstrom’s planets? And had something to do with the scientists who were captured and tortured into making the planet Desolation a killing test ground? I’m thinking we might have a season long plot line forming here. 

Much more distressing to me was that bit where the sentient mummy wrappings (yes, that’s what they looked like to me) became all cryptic while taunting the Doctor and mentioning things like “the Timeless Child”. We’re not going to have another Moffat type build up to absolutely nothing, are we? (I keep trying to forget about “the Hybrid”...). I guess only time will tell....

I suppose it is nice to have a happy ending with everyone living this time (the Ninth Doctor would be so proud...), but it did feel more than a bit forced for Epzo to suddenly decide to cooperate to give himself and Angstrom a win to save their families. Especially when you consider his firm “I have to be out for me because no one else will” stance for the rest of the episode. Having seen a character with a similar viewpoint develop and change more gradually on Doctor Who in the past (Turlough), it feels odd to have Epzo reform so quickly. 

Chibnall wisely put an end to the Doctor chasing the TARDIS by having it appear at the end...with a new interior and everything. I’m sorry, Doctor, but while you might like it for once in your lifetimes, I wasn’t that thrilled with it. But maybe it will grow on me.

Character Thoughts

While Epzo’s characterization mainly revolved around the theme of not trusting others and only relying on one’s self, Angstrom’s characterization felt more subtle. I enjoyed her interactions with Yasmin and the Doctor when talking about family and the burden she has to save them. 

On a slightly rant-y side note, I did notice the moment where Graham mentioned that the Stenza was responsible for his wife’s death and Angstrom responded “mine too”. As it played out in the episode, it was a gentle moment of solidarity between a companion and a guest character. But I also have to wonder if moments like this are what some people were raving about with Doctor Who suddenly becoming all “SJW, virtue-signaling”. Really? Because of a casual mention like that? If anything, I thought it hit just the right note of making sure to acknowledge representation while also not drawing undue attention to itself. Geez, some people are just awful....

We’re also given some more development on the ongoing situation between Ryan and Graham. Ryan still can’t see Graham as his family while Graham clearly wishes he would. Although, we’ve also seen hints of how Graham can probably seem like a patronizing, “back in my day we knew things” kind of guy even if he isn’t trying to come off that way. Thus, I like how the writers are not making any resolution between them easy and quick.  And I look forward to seeing how they will continue this through the season.

Sadly, Yasmin didn’t seem to have as much to do, other than be a sounding board for Angstrom’s characterization. Then again, their moments were lovely and it’s unrealistic to expect the writers to full flesh out such a large companion team with every episode. So I’m hoping her turn will come later.

The Doctor, well the Doctor continues to intrigue me as far as how Whittaker is developing her.  Her scene with the holographic Ilin was a nice bit of snark and sparring. And she’s continuing to show other classic Doctor traits such as her abhorrence for guns and violence and her insatiable curiosity about everything going on around her. 

One important thing that I really appreciate is that, during those times when it seems like she’s not trusted or people around her have her doubts about her pulling off her plans and promises, it has nothing to do with her being a woman. Instead, it has everything to do with her being a high-energy babbling, flake-o who gets distracted by everything...at least on the surface.  XD

And I love that. I love that she’s not taken seriously at times because she just can’t stop being herself as well as perhaps her apparent youth (which implies inexperience). It reminds me a lot of what Five and Eleven had to put up with at times when people mistook their youthful appearance and enthusiasm for naivete. 

I think that one thing that surprised me though was that moment of faltering confidence at the end of the episode. It’s rare for the Doctor to openly express dismay over not following through with a promise and even though she brushed it off once she was in the TARDIS again, it was a moment of vulnerability that’s impossible to forget.

The Last Word

Was this a perfect episode with neatly tied up plot resolution? No. It had it’s thin parts and bits that could have been developed better. 

Did it meet my expectations for a Doctor Who romp? Actually, yes. The plot moved along at a good pace while still giving us some substantial characterization. The camera and effects looked great and we’re given some questions to keep thinking about for later episodes.

And while it didn’t end on another mind-blowing cliffhanger, there’s enough good will built up by the end that I certainly want to see what lies ahead for our new friends in the TARDIS.

[thefoxesboxes]

A Gathering of Guys

Time to get back into the saddle on these reviews! This one has been a long time coming, something I honestly meant to review many months ago. But, between teaching English and travelling around the world, this writing fox has had a significant decrease in available brainpower. Did watching this movie for a second time help? Will it have passed the vulpine standards check? Look under the cut to find out as we discuss the “First R-Rated CGI Cartoon”, Sausage Party.

To begin, I will preface two things. First, I love animation. The creativity and freedom that can be made from almost any kind of animated movie has always been an easy way to make me happy. Look at movies like Zootopia, Spirited Away, and even Aladdin. These movies are each dramatically different in tone, style, and overall thematics. But they’re all some of my favorite movies. Even if I think CGI is overdone in the modern animation market, it still doesn’t detract from my love of watching something creative and fresh.

I also don’t mind movies that are using raunchy or vulgar humor. A movie like Deadpool can make me laugh pretty hard at the stupid jokes and over the top violence that it employs. A movie like this should use the language and themes to push the style of the movie. Is it a violent story with a murderous mercenary hell bent on revenge? Yeah, dark and violent, but add in the fun. These things can break up the movie into a more manageable tone than most people would like. Look at the difference in things like DC and Marvel, or new Ghostbusters and old Ghostbusters. That’s a coming review, by the way.

So the big point is that this movie is awful. It’s a raunchy and joke filled movie, but it’s never creative. It’s like someone took the movie FoodFight and pushed up the production quality and age rating. The movie is graphic, violent, and full of warnings for mature content and imagery. The whole movie tries very, very hard to make sure you know that this is mature and grown up.

Maturity, in this sense, means something that says the word ‘fuck’ approximately 1.85 times a minute, often in heavy bursts. Maturity is something that makes incredibly sophomoric and heavy handed assertions about the nature of religion and real life interactions between thousand year old cultures. Mature is when you have the movies plotline come to a screeching halt to constantly point out how edgy you are over and over again. Mature, in this sense, is being a 15 year old on Reddit screaming about how you took the red pill and don’t believe in things like religion, man.

There is nothing really mature here. At all.

“Just the tips” What the fuck is a tip? Your finger? Why does a hotdog have a glove but the lady doesn’t? Save it. It’ll keep.

But let’s talk detail. First, the movie has a song. It’s not a bad song, at least for how it’s written and sung. It’s really mostly just kind of tuneless and shifts a lot into ways that obviously want to invoke religious worship songs, but doesn’t do that very well. The song does a great job of setting the tone of this movie, which is “Religious people are dumb, ya here?”. It’s not really something I want to get into, but it slides nicely into the hotdog bun of hatred I have for this movie.

The writing.

As mentioned, the writing is self-congratulatory about the idea of being R-rated when it doesn’t know what that should mean. It decided to go out of its way to be a cartoon about hotdogs and sex before seemingly having any direction, as the world itself and characters are all over the place. Do they make any particular point using food that couldn’t be done with a different material? Nope. Do they make timely or classical references throughout the movie? Well, Meatloaf plays a singing Meatloaf. They make a “To Sir with Love” reference, which intrudes on one of my absolutely favorite films ever. Saving Private Ryan? Not exactly timeless.

But the writing reflects worst on characters and dialogue. While the voice acting is, mostly, fine it’s really just the characters are a bunch of assholes. Remember that scene in Star Wars where Han Solo doesn’t believe in the Force and Luke lectures him despite having learned about it that afternoon? That happens about atheism. Our beef tube hero who’s name I really don’t care to remember (it’s Frank) learns that the Gods are evil people who eat them! Oh no! So he immediately starts bashing everyone for believing in the Gods that he believed in until literally an hour ago. He makes no good points, he seems ridiculously hypocritical, and he’s just kind of a douche.

A running theme in this movie, the main villain is a literal douche. A douche who gets a tear and loses his douchey fluids, so he needs to replenish them to restore his superpowers. This begins with him forcefully and graphically violating a damaged juice container in a way obviously reminiscent of forceful oral sex. This scene was the first one that was simply disgusting, including him commenting that he’s “Juicin’ up” to reference steroids. A rape scene, classy as hell. This only continues as this literal douche walks about to murder the main heroes will constantly repeating the same joke over and over again. His plans involved him being able to teleport, his reason for revenge was almost understandable, but being a rapist murderer really made me not care about this villain.

Also. This joke. Five fucking times.

Other than the Frankfurter Hero and Douchey Villain, we have side characters. Jewish Bagel, Mexican Lesbian Taco, overly voluptuous hotdog bun, Muslim/Middle Eastern lavash, gay Twinkee, black grits, and Firewater. These stereotypes are the closest thing to characters that exist in this film and they mostly exist pretty much solely within those roles. They exist to either be stereotypes, be annoying, or try to poke mature points at the concept of geographically interconnected regions and classically dependent cultures having feuds with each other. But let’s talk about that in terms of the world.

These foods exist for, what, a week? They exist in the same aisles, for the same goals, and often have to interact with each other for their entire existence. Their existences, mind you, which are created for explicit purpose. Why do they have different viewpoints of the Gods, to the point where it is this disseminated? Is it to make a point about the rapid distribution of altering ideals among short lived humanity? I don’t know, it just seems to be extremely crass ways to point out that these things exist and are stupid. Again a running theme.

The last major theme I want to mention is consistency. A world needs to be made in a way that follows an internal logic. Yes, magic should be explained, a world should be detailed, and even comedy should follow some form and function. If there is no law dictated within the world, then there’s no reason for me to really pay attention to what you’re doing. It’s all just whitenoise for the pretense of having jokes.

This movie fails worldbuilding with a capital F and a giant minus. The food is alive, so are douches and some other inanimate objects! But things like shoes and ladles are not, why? Why isn’t the knife alive? When we open up a thing of off brand Mentos, each of those little mints is alive. Is this things ass full of living organisms that will proceed to exist in total isolation until released?  If I make a sandwich, is it a composite of painfully attached different creatures to each other? They did show that composite foods exist as a single entity, so does that mean that pushing cheese and wheat germ together creates a new living entity? The entire idea doesn’t make sense when you show that some things would require the painful things to exist. Pizza, sandwiches, all of it. How does it work? The movie doesn’t tell you.

This line here indicates that the peanut butter, married to jelly, is only alive as it is the container. But why isn’t the bag the hotdogs were in alive, or the box? There’s no sense to be had in this madness. Just extremely dry hotdogs.

Not that the external world is any better. Remember in Toy Story where the toys could move and had to very specifically hide that fact? Yeah, this movie says fuck it. Some of the foods move and we see people view it as a hot dog rolling around. But then the hot dog gets up, dodges, ducks, dips, dives, and dodges. They even stab a hot dog standing up in the middle of the air, or they can run across the street. Do people see them or not? It’s pointed out that they need to be literally high on bath salts to see the  food moving, but then can the food interact with the world when not on bath salts? How come the food never moves and people don’t notice it? Why do I even watch anything attached to Seth Rogan? Why did you ruin my night, Seth?

This isn’t even getting into the ending. The movie ended two separate times at the end, once when the orgy of murder happened, and once when the orgy that murdered the movie happened. There’s a full orgy, it takes actually 5 minutes to get through. Does it add to the plot? Nope. Does it push anything? Nah, it’s also the scaled down version from the honestly horrifying original script Seth Rogan spent years drafting up. Fuck him so much.

There’s also a murder orgy where the food kills everyone. Apparently we can’t beat hotdogs. Who knew? A guy gets turned into a testicle puppet by the douche, carries a giant revolver that apparently has 8 bullets in it. They make Terminator and Wizard of Oz references. A merry time was had by apparently a lot of people that aren’t me.

Also, the food smoke weed that is… Apparently not alive? Why is the marijuana not alive? Fuck it. Probably some stupid point.

The main point is this. The movie contains many flaws and

Fuck this movie. Fuck you Seth Rogan for your grinning assholery. Fuck the critics who think this movie is an insightful and raunchy godsend so they can openly enjoy cartoons. Fuck the idea that this movie grossed tons of money and will probably get some kinda sequel or spinoff. Fuck the media that believes that maturity is the juvenile banter of an idiot who cannot stop dragging his political diatribes into a different subject. And fuck this movie for killing any chance Kubo and the Two Strings had of being a financial success.

Summary? This movie is crass, brash, vulgar and tasteless. It’s also somehow not brave enough to say anything that has any real merit or in a way that’s unique. It’s a movie obsessed with its own egotistical idea of being the ‘first’ but has no idea of how to make that something worth seeing. This movie is just a waste of time. It’s a mix of immature and well past it’s expiration date.

[professorlockhart]

This spring heading towards summer I didn’t really watch that many movies, as in accordance with my lack of free time due to hectic times in early summer prior to my graduation. However in July, I had all the free time in the world, which of course I didn’t spend watching movies but reading books and going on vacations with my family and friends. Nonetheless, there are some remarkable movies that I feel the urge to, well, remark about. And here they are! Following my decision from the previous three months’ recently watched post, I will order the movies I will discuss here from my least favourite to my most favourite movies.

The Snowman [☆]

I didn’t read the book but when I first watched the trailer to this I was so pumped! Michael Fassbender in a mystery movie! However after 15 minutes my feelings for the movie changed from being excited to watch something mysterious and intriguing to being bored to death and wishing it will be over soon. Beautiful shots of the scenery, but awful awful movie overall.

Ant-Man and the Wasp [☆☆]

This was a huge letdown because the first Ant-Man movie was so fun and funny! This one just felt too generic, the plot was all over the place, the story was just bad, and the characters did not develop from the first movie whatsoever. It was still fun and action packed, but a huge flop.

Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation [☆☆]

I thoroughly enjoyed the first two Hotel Transylvania movies – they are fun, funny, and definitely unique. However this third one just lacked those laugh out loud moments that I had in the first two, and though the characters are still endearing to watch, the plot was predictable and boring.

Set it Up [☆☆]

Just a random fun rom-com movie we watched on Netflix that is quite funny and cute, nothing significant. The premise itself is very interesting, and the actors were attractive and had chemistry, which is all a romantic movie needs.

The Incredibles 2 [☆☆☆]

Apparently there are lots of movie sequels coming out this year, and Incredibles 2 is one of the ones I was most excited about. We actually rewatched the first one a few weeks before watching this new release, and watched the sequel in 3D. Though Pixar does it once again with breathtaking special effects and beautiful animation, the story itself failed to be as good as the the original movie. Though the characters were memorable and the relationship between the Incredibles family was very fun to watch, and the themes they tried to discuss were interesting, what ultimately failed for me was the plot. There were a lot of plotholes and though I know it’s a movie for children more than for adults, I still think Disney let us down this time.

Call Me By Your Name [☆☆☆]

As a movie that was very hyped for being one of the best movies in 2017, I was sort of underwhelmed by it. Granted, the cinematography was wonderful, conveying the delight of an Italian summer holiday with swimming in the lakes, lounging under the sun, biking around ancient ruins… The gorgeous setting (and gorgeous half-naked men) aside, the story was slightly too long. Nonetheless I do adore the characters and the dialogues, the story itself is quite touching.

The Party [☆☆☆]

I have always wanted to watch this seemingly quirky and unique movie, filmed in black and white and taking place within this simple party. We start right into the scene, not knowing anything about the characters and why they were having this house party in the first place. Everything slowly develops as we get to know how everyone know each other and their thoughts and feelings, as slowly secrets start to unravel as well. The actors were wonderful in this movie, Emily Mortimer and Timothy Spall being the ones that stuck out to me the most. It has an underlying sense of comedy and madness throughout the story, and the story itself is quite unique. It’s definitely not for everyone, but I have to admit it was a fun movie and that ending (though slightly predictable) was really good.

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom [☆☆☆☆]

As a lover of dinosaurs ever since I was young, I adored the Jurassic Park movies (and only a year ago started reading the book where the famous movies was adapted from). The new movies starring Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard was certainly different from the earlier, slightly dated trilogy, but still a fun, thrilling experience. I highly enjoyed this sequel, mainly because of the steps the director J.A. Bayona has chosen in the shots and moments he created. It felt more than just a dinosaur, people-running-through-the-jungle-while-screaming movie. It was a combination of thriller and horror, but also weaving themes of humanity, science, animal cruelty, ethics, and money all into one. Though at times the execution wasn’t the best, the romance was cheesy, the science not as good as what Crichton would’ve thought of, and some story arc a little unnecessary, it was fun, action-packed, scary, and thrilling, and that is all I wanted from a Jurassic Park movie.

Deadpool 2 [☆☆☆☆]

Ryan Reynolds does it again in making my boyfriend laugh so hard in a high pitched voice that rings throughout the cinema! This is a very late review to talk about Deadpool 2, but I did watch it in May, so I only talked about it now. Overall a solid hilarious movie that is just plain fun to watch.

Ocean’s Eight [☆☆☆☆☆]

Yet another sequel I watched in summer, but this time one that is so so good! Ocean’s 8 is a sequel of sorts from the Ocean’s Eleven series, this time revolving around a new team set up by Danny Ocean’s sister as she got out of prison and plans to steal a very expensive necklace worn by a famous actress. It has humour, the heist feel that I so desperately love, friendship, fast-paced plot, and a lot of female power. I’ve always loved the Oceans trilogy because of its elaborate plot and genius plot twists. Though in this movie the plot twist wasn’t too heavy, the plot overall was exciting and fun, with layers of humour and interesting characters. It was just a really fun movie I would recommend you to watch.

A Quiet Place [☆☆☆☆☆]

I didn’t get to watch this famous thriller in the cinemas, but I immediately downloaded it illegally when I saw that the HD version was available. With an amazing premise, a dystopian story just needs good execution, and this movie is the definition of good execution. What the movie lacks in dialogue or sounds or music, in excels in acting and using that lack of sounds to further perk up your ears to catch the smallest hint of sounds. It’s suspenseful, thrilling, but also heartbreaking and sweet at the same time. Everything is wrapped up in a wonderfully shot, amazingly written, perfectly acted movie with two beautiful actors that has the best chemistry in the world because they are actually married in real life. It made me cry, made me jump in fear, made my heart beat extra fast, and made me smile. It has moments of family love, hurt, fear, anger, desperation, and it’s just amazing.

What is your favourite movie you watched this summer? Don’t forget to add me as a friend in Letterboxd for updates on what I’m watching.

  Recently Watched: May, June and July This spring heading towards summer I didn't really watch that many movies, as in accordance with my lack of free time due to hectic times in early summer prior to my graduation.

[aion-rsa]

Star Wars: The Mandalorian Season 2 Episode 1 Review – The Marshal

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This Star Wars: THE MANDALORIAN review contains spoilers.

The Mandalorian Season 2 Episode 1

The Mandalorian’s season two premiere is a well-structured example of the show’s Space Western ethos, showing deft technical skill on the part of its director, showrunner Jon Favreau, a fun menagerie of monsters, and exciting action. While it didn’t move the story forward or offer new characterization for the titular Mando, Din Djarin, or the Child as one might expect from a premiere, the show is certainly good at what it does. It’s expanding the Star Wars universe with anecdotes full of old-fashioned charm while updating creatures and aliens for today. It’s an entertaining start for a sorely needed season of escapism, even as I perpetually wish the show would go more specific and weird instead of retracing both Star Wars and Western ground. 

Where season one left off, the Mando was searching for clues as to the origin of the lovable, Force-sensitive Child known in the fandom as Baby Yoda. The very first glimpse of them in “The Marshal” sums up the appeal in the show’s odd duo: the faceless Mando striding like he could walk through walls, followed along by the wide-eyed baby in his floating bassinet. Gruff father figure and toddling child is a staple pair of all kinds of media, from post-apocalypse to comedy, and it works here by stirring together elements of both. In the dusty world of Star Wars, the Child is inherently cute and funny. It’s easy to get invested in the bond between the two of them.

Stream your Star Wars favorites right here!

Fans looking for a reinforcement of that bond won’t really see it in “The Marshal,” though. Aside from the Mando’s surge to rescue the baby from something that isn’t specifically targeting him, the plot mostly revolves around Mando and a new hero. Timothy Olyphant of Deadwood and Justified fame returns to type as Cobb Vanth, a drawling lawman who first appeared in the Star Wars novel series Aftermath. As the marshal of the episode’s title, he’s in charge of a mining town that can’t catch a break. It’s been menaced by Tusken Raiders, mining gangs, and a Krayt dragon. In order to fight off the latter, they’ll have to team up with the former.

Last season made strides toward scrubbing the movie saga’s portrayal of the Tusken Raiders as mindless and vicious. Here, they’re a metaphor for indigenous people with their own language, traditions, and reasons for why they can come off as cruel to people who don’t live in the deep desert. Mando sums up the episode’s point of view on this: “They are brutal. But so is the Dune Sea.” It’s at least more nuanced than the original, the episode neither portraying the humans or the Tuskens as identical nor impossibly different. 

Cobb Vanth’s little arc is also muted but functional. Although he’s wearing Mandalorian armor, he isn’t one himself. Din Djarin is disgusted, ready to kill him until the Krayt dragon shows up. In the end, Vanth trades the armor for Djarin’s help. Is the lesson here that sometimes appropriation is accidental and stolen property can be earned back by astounding feats of strength? The episode doesn’t really frame it as relevant to the real world as much as it is to last season’s emphasis on the Mandalorian’s religious traditions. Seeing Vanth take off his helmet seems mildly scandalous. 

Olyphant’s winning smile, easy drawl, and Western acting pedigree mean he fits nicely into the shoes of Cobb Vanth, even if the character isn’t anything new. He does not fit as nicely into the baggy clothing under Boba Fett’s old armor, which is hilarious because a lot of other Star Wars costumes don’t fit super well either. I love the intentionally unpolished-looking parts of the saga. And yes, that’s Boba Fett’s armor, and not the last reference to the infamous bounty hunter in the episode.

As well as playing to Western type, Vanth also retreads some of the same ground as the cocky bounty hunter from season one, Toro Calican, down to the similar shots of the two of them speeder biking across the desert. Part of Vanth’s purpose is to contrast his disregard for Mandalorian and Tusken tradition for Din Djarin’s religious and cultural side. Djarin knows what it’s like to be part of a community forced to live on the margins. He can be cruel — like when he left Gor Koresh (John Leguizamo) to the dogs in the very beginning of the episode — but he does have a heart. And so, it turns out, does Vanth. It is a significant but small change, extending the lawman’s fondness for his own people out to his fellow denizens of the desert. It doesn’t feel groundbreaking, for good or ill. 

Speaking of denizens of the desert, the Krayt dragon is the highlight of the episode. First seen as a menacing skeleton in A New Hope, the monster in the flesh is frightening and cool.  It doesn’t quite look like either a Dune sandworm or a dinosaur, but you can see elements of both as well as where it got the dragon name. Swimming through the sand, it looks beautiful and strange, coming from unexpected angles and diving through the landscape. It fits nicely into the world, almost the same color and texture as the rocks. However, only ever showing its head means it feels a bit like playing with a toy with no tail at times. 

Read more

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By Ryan Britt

I continue to marvel at the way The Mandalorian is shot, and how season two’s landscapes already feel more crowded and alive than season one’s, even though they are still pretty much the same deserts and cities. Close-ups on animals make the Tatooine ecosystem convincing. I haven’t talked much about the first few scenes because they aren’t directly connected to the Tatooine plot, but the crowded city and aliens are also convincing and fantastical. The music continues to add a great sense of wonder, and I loved the cameo from my favorite loud-mouthed mechanic, Peli Motto (Amy Sedaris).

And the finale does have a twist almost on par with Baby Yoda: Temuera Morrison taking on the role of Boba Fett, alive and scowling after seemingly escaping the sarlacc pit from Return of the Jedi. It’s a very brief cameo, and it’s unclear whether Boba will have a bigger role in the season than that, but it’s still a nice way to get fans talking after the credits have rolled. We wrote way more about Boba’s return here.

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Half of my metric for The Mandalorian has become “Would my dad like this?” And I think he would. As for me, I’m still rooting for the show to go farther outside its comfort zone and move the plot along instead of telling these one-shot stories. The episode firmly convinced me of the threat of the Krayt dragon, of the coolness and value of Mandalorian armor, of the beauty of the off-white Tatooine desert. I just wish it had gone to a new planet, or even dived deeper into the characters. Boba’s appearance is exciting, but we’ve seen this story in the Expanded Universe before. If this is average for season two, I look forward to seeing them really surprise us. 

The post Star Wars: The Mandalorian Season 2 Episode 1 Review – The Marshal appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[hazel3017]

I promised you guys an essay on the dark ages that was the Mike Johnston era, and here it is. By the way, this is gonna be long and longwinded, but bear with me people. This is all connected. You have been warned.

In 2013, Sidney Crosby was on a ridiculous tear where he scored 56 points in 36 games for a truly stupid 1.56 points per game. It was a shortened season, true, but no one was even close to touching him. If he’d played the full 48 games, he’d have 75 points. Martin St. Louis won the Art Ross with 60. Anyway, what happened instead was the broken jaw, courtesy of a Brooks Orpik slap shot, and Sid didn’t play for the rest of the season (he missed 12 games) which is probably why he didn’t win the Hart (he was nominated, but it went to Ovechkin).

The broken jaw also meant that the Penguins, in their infinite wisdom, allowed Sid to be interviewed while he was CLEARLY high on painkillers.

Sid returned to the ice (wearing a protective cage) in time for the second game of the playoffs (vs NYI) and picked up right where he left off. He had nine points in five games against the Islanders, and 6 points in five games against Ottawa. It was all rainbows and sunshine until the Penguins reached the ECF against Boston and the offence just dried up. Sid didn’t have a single point in that series, and ultimately the Pens only put up a collective 2 goals and were swept in 4 games. It was brutal. Especially for Flower, who really took a lot of flack. He’d been gaining a bit of a reputation as a bad playoff goalie, and the 2013 playoffs didn’t help. It was after this that Flower started seeing a sports psychologist.

For context, since they won the Cup in 2009, the Penguins had only won 3 playoff series before reaching the Eastern Conference final in 2013. Three. Think about that. They didn’t even make it past the first round in 2011 and 2012. 2013 was supposed to be different. They were the top seed in the East, and their offence was on fire through the first two rounds. And then they just crashed and burned. It was the 4th year in a row where they were eliminated by a lower-seeded team. Things were dire. And just to emphasis how truly sucky this time was for Sid, people thought he’d already played his best hockey. They thought the concussion and neck injury that kept him out for almost two seasons meant he wouldn’t ever be able to dominate the way he had before.

(Speaking of the concussion: he missed 41 games in 2010-2011, and 60 games in 2011-2012. Dire, dire times. He’s admitted he thought he might never play again. Also, at some point during this time, Sid and Geno went to a Lady Gaga concert together. Never forget.)

The 2013-2014 season comes around, and Sid is back to being on fire. Because it’s not a Penguins team unless everyone and their mother is out with an injury, Sid had a revolving door of line mates but would still finish the season with 104 points in 80 games for 1.30 PPG. Because he is stupid like that.

One of the injuries, by the way, was Pascal Dupuis in December 2013. The Pens were playing in Ottawa when Marc Methot hip-checked Sid, and Sid went flying into Duper, who almost got Sid’s skate to his face, and also tore his ACL. Duper needed surgery to repair the ACL damage, and while he was recovering, he started developing blood clots and serious health issues related to that, which he would never really recover from. He tried to play while on blood-thinners for a while, but ultimately had to call it a night in the 2015-2016 season. I bring this up because it will play a role in the timeline later.

So, mid 2013-2014 season; Sid is the engine that keeps the Penguins going, the NHL takes a break in February for the 2014 Sochi Olympics and we get the NHL Revealed series, which is actually pretty cool (there is a scene from Geno’s house and you can see his fridge where he has decals of himself and Sid, Tanger and Flower. It is adorable. Also there is Geno whining to Sid about Sid not warning him about their flight being delayed because then he would have just waited at home). Chris Kunitz is also an Olympian, and everyone at the time was pretty much in agreement that the only reason he was there was because of how well he played with Sid, and then they didn’t play well together at all. And everyone was up in arms about how Sid wasn’t scoring enough, but Canada still won gold (both Sid and Kuni scored in the gold-medal game) and Russia did not, and so Geno was sad and grumpy for about a month. Then Sid wasn’t having it anymore and talked to Geno because he obviously needed a friend, and Geno was no longer sad and grumpy.

Fast forward a little bit, and we reach the playoffs. The Pens played against Columbus, and it was super weird because almost every game ended 4-3 and no one could keep a 3-1 lead. Also, Sid wasn’t scoring. Again. It was a thing. He was still putting up points, and he averaged 1 PPG against Columbus, but people would not shut about how he hadn’t scored a playoff goal in 13 games dating back to 2013. He kept insisting that he was healthy too, but he actually had a busted wrist, which was the result of a Ryan Reaves hit where he got his wrist caught awkwardly against the board in a game in late March. The injury meant he had trouble putting any power behind his shots, which meant no goals, although he was still dominating possession. Add to that the abuse he took from the likes of Dubinsky and Marc Staal (and also Lundqvist squirting water at him lol!) it was a pretty miserable playoffs for him.

All of this is made worse by his deteriorating relationship with Coach Dan Bylsma. Now, I know I have read this somewhere, and I can’t for the life of me remember where, but there was a rumour—a rumour, mind you—that Bylsma had specifically instructed the players not to stick up for Sid when the other team’s players were abusing him. Apparently, Bylsma threatened with benching people if they got into scrums after the whistles. (RUMOUR, remember. Take it with a grain of salt). But Bylsma and Sid obviously weren’t getting along that great during the Rangers series, at least, and it didn’t help that Bylsma kept playing his favourites, aka Craig Adams and the gang. Jesus. As I recall, Kuni and Geno were pretty much the only ones sticking up for Sid, especially Kuni who was playing on his line. The Rangers series did give us this gem of an interview though.

Game 7 comes along, and the Penguins lose. They’d been up 3 games to 1 at one point, and again they were the higher-seeded team. Shortly after, reports about Bylsma losing the room started popping up and it was pretty obvious that there would be a new management. Sure enough, Shero was fired first, and then Bylsma later.

(Bylsma was actually fired by Jim Rutherford. Ownership said they wanted the new GM to decide if he wanted to keep Bylsma around or not. It was pretty obvious that Bylsma would have to go too, and a lot of people were upset that they kept Bylsma so long when that could potentially keep him from getting a job elsewhere.)

And now, finally, we enter the dark ages. Or, in which GMJR did the one mistake he needed to make in order to find the one true Penguins coach: Mike Sullivan.

Mike Johnston. What is there to say about Mike Johnston? He had pretty much only one facial expression in that he looked perpetually shocked, he snuffed out the offence of a team that has always been built for scoring goals and made them play boring, sluggish, defensive hockey instead. It very nearly broke Sidney Crosby. That is not to say that it was all MJ’s fault, but he was very clearly unsuitable for the Pens and vice versa.

Consider this: In 2012-2013, Sid went from a 1.56 PPG to 1.30 in 2013-2014. A pretty steep dive, but still dominating his peers (Ryan Getzlaf was the closest to him in points that year. He had 87 points. Sid had 104.). From 2013-2014 to 2014-2015, Sid’s PPG dipped again, even more this time as it reached an all-time low of 1.09. He’d never been below 1.26 before. Not so incidentally, the Pens went from 242 goals total to 217, and their winning percentage dipped from .665 to .598, the lowest it had been since the 2005-2006 season. This all coincided with Mike Johnston becoming coach. The Penguins just barely edged their way into the playoffs that season. They made it with literally the last game of the season, against Buffalo.

(No offence to Buffalo, but they were ranked dead last that season.)

The Pens lost the first round of the playoffs against the Rangers. They only managed one win in 5 games. Sid played okay, he had 4 points on the series, but the Pens were so sloooow. They kept being outskated by guys like Zuccarello and Hagelin—no wonder, with guys like Craig Adams and Rob Scuderi slowing the Penguins down.

(Also, would you believe I used to strongly dislike Carl Hagelin?)

Sid didn’t stick around for the fallout. He called the GM of Team Canada the same night they were eliminated and jumped on a plane to Prague. I actually think the World Championship did him a ton of good. He won another gold medal in the Olympics the year before, but I really think it must have messed him up going so long without playoff success. No one expects more from Sidney Crosby than Sidney Crosby.

Anyway: Worlds.

I’m pretty sure that what happens at Worlds stays at Worlds, but Sid seemed to have a really good time with his x1000 boyfriends. Like, there was Giroux (what????), Seguin (we don’t kiss and tell), MacKinnon (of course), and even Brayden Schenn (lmao).

Also, there was Geno and the pictures that launched a thousand plot bunnies. Because you can’t have one without the other.

Sid won gold and was happy, he became the 26th member of the Triple Gold Club and was happy, and he came home from Europe and promptly entered an existential crisis, I’m pretty sure. He turned 28 that year and freaked out about it. Probably, he realised how sucky the last few years had been for him. He grew a beard. It was very disturbing for everyone involved. He also went to all the weddings, hosted his first annual hockey school, and filmed the documentary that would win him an Emmy award as the “talent”. That is an actual thing that happened, people.

And then the new season began. And here, my friends, we must circle back to Pascal Dupuis.

So because of the blood clots Duper developed after his ACL injury, he had to sit out the rest of the 2013-2014 season. He was cleared for the start of 2014-2015, but again was out for the rest of the season when they discovered blood clots in his lungs in November 2014 and he had to go on blood thinners. The next season, he was cleared again, but was still on blood thinners to manage the blood clots. He was being monitored by medical professionals at the time, and it was a procedure that had worked for other athletes, but Duper experienced side effects like serious chest pains. In the end, he was forced to call it quits. This was in December 2015.

Up until that point, from the start of the season, Sid had 18 points by then. He was 86 in in scoring. 86. Comparatively, he had 29 points by the same time next year. In 5 fewer games. No one knew what was going on. Sid didn’t know what was going on, but there’s probably a few things that explain his low offence. If you believed the media at the time, he was washed up. They were literally writing up the obituary of his career. Sports Illustrated posited that he would be a 4th-line centre at the World Cup. People were wondering if he would even make the team. The Team Canada GM had to publicly state that Sid would be on the roster.

So what actually did cause the notorious slump? Like I said, a combination of things.

First, MJ’s system meant that Sid had to play a 200-feet game. “But he does that now!” you say, and true, he is defensively responsible, and the NHL is gonna have to start thinking about giving him Selke consideration sooner than later, but he’s always thinking offence first, and his line’s puck possession means he’s spending more time in the offensive zone than defensive zone. They only had a 52.2% defensive exit rate under MJ during that December. Under Sully, it was at 73.1%. Consequently, MJ’s defence first mentality meant that Sid had to constantly haul ass from one end of the rink to the other; he was overexerting himself. 

Second, he had bad puck luck. No, really. The puck just wouldn’t go in the net for him, and he had one goal on 30 shots at one point. That’s a 3.3 shooting percentage. Around 9% is League average, I believe.

Third, the power play was a mess. MJ had no clue how to configure it, even with the kind of fire power the Penguins’ boast. They just couldn’t make it work, which meant that Sid was missing out on the points he usually get from the power play.

And finally, there was Duper. Now, this is my personal opinion, but I honestly think Duper’s situation really messed him up. I think he spent so much time and energy worrying about Duper being okay that if affected him on the ice. When Duper was forced to retire, Sid was heartbroken. Consider this extract from Duper’s Why We Play the Game article:

One leg was twice the size of the other. It was a few hours before the game. We were in Edmonton last November. I was warming up in the hallway, doing some band work, some quick-feet stuff. At some point I looked down and saw that my right leg was really swollen.

When you are dealing with blood clots, this is the moment you always fear. Your body is betraying you. You can’t deny it. You can’t fight through it.

I took my equipment off and put on a tracksuit to go to the hospital to get checked out. As I was walking out of the locker room with the doctor, one of my teammates gave me a hug and just broke down in tears.

“Not again, Duper. Are you kidding me? Again?”

That’s the moment I realized that I needed to draw the line. People weren’t just worried about me playing hockey. They were worried about me playing with my life.

I believe that teammate was Sid, and I feel as if Duper confirmed that, but I can’t remember where I saw/heard it.

Once Duper was out for good, Sid noticeably started playing better. He had 9 points the rest of December alone. Also, on 12 December, GMJR fired Mike Johnston and hired Mike Sullivan. Hilariously, Sid was accused of being a coach killer, and the reporter outright questioned the legitimacy of hiring Sully was MJ’s replacement in the same article.

JOKE’S ON YOU BRETT CYRGALIS.

The rest, as you say, is history. The Penguins finally found a coach who can wrangle Sid and Geno and Phil, and GMJR isn’t having any of your shit anymore NHL, so he went out and got Ryan Reaves to protect his star players from being abused. Which will probably be either really awesome or really awful. Time will tell.

[lair-of-books]

Yes…Yes I am popping up in your feed with my December Wrap-up & Haul 🙈It was a VERY hectic fast paced end of 2019 but I somehow still managed to read quite a lot along the way. Going into the New Year I will absolutely make it a goal here on the blog to wrap up the month in at the very least a fashionably late manner 😂 at most a week late *pinky promise*

December is my birthday month but as is expected, the Christmas rush is where it’s at haha! January is the month where you finally let out a huge sigh of relief for having made it through the holiday madness. I made great use of my Kindle on the go & also watched some new favorite series on Netflix. I didn’t draft up any end of year posts or resolutions instead opting to just allow the beginning of a New Year with hope. Hope for continued growth in all areas of my life (including this platform), embracing the new, and appreciating every moment of my journey 💜

Meg & Jo by Virginia Kantra – ✨4 STARS ✨ (my review) I really enjoyed this modern take on Little Women more than I had anticipated. The March Sisters will suck you into their lives. You’l easily see yourself investing your time into flipping pages just to see how they manage whatever is thrown their way. I hope to see more from this author in the near future 🤞🏽

Mangos & Mistletoe by Adriana Herrera – ✨5 STARS✨ (my review) This LATINX novella based on a F/F romance was everything I never knew I needed & then some. Two very different Dominican Bakers head over to Scotland to participate in a Holiday Baking Challenge. Sparks fly & things gets VERY steamy in & out of the kitchen. I will read ANYTHING & EVERYTHING by this author 💜

The Wicked King (The Folk of the Air #2) by Holly Black – ✨5 STARS✨      (my review) I may have waited more than a year to read this book but it DID NOT DISAPPOINT! I had a feeling this would be a favorite & I just couldn’t take it if it left me on a cliff hanger which it did. Thankful though to have waited & jumped right into the last installment soon after. I have no doubt in my mind that Holly Black is truly Fae & that no one can write Fae better than the Fae Queen herself.

The Queen Of Nothing (The Folk of the Air #3) by Holly Black – ✨5 STARS✨ (my review) The conclusion to this trilogy got 5 stars from me even though It truly wasn’t perfect. Mostly, I do feel this one could’ve benefited from being a bit longer. Everything seemed to be happening a bit too quick for my liking yet with that being said…it was a satisfying conclusion.

HARLEEN Vol 2 – ✨5 STARS✨ I don’t have a review written for HARLEEN but I HIGHLY recommend these for any HQ/Joker fans. Besides the fact that the artwork is STUNNING! the storyline itself is A+  if you’ve ever been fascinated or even curious about the descent of Harley from intern Psychologist to Lover/Right hand to Joker then these are a MUST read 🖤

Reverie by Ryan La Sala – ✨4 STARS ✨ (my review) Ahhh! this odd little gem of a book haha! I find that most who’ve read it either hate it or love it. I happen to have really enjoyed this one as a debut YA Fantasy from this author but it isn’t without saying it had plot issues. Ryan La Sala has convinced me of his skillZ & I’m really looking forward to see what he delivers next. A unique & vivid story like Reverie I have yet to read, this one definitely stands out in a good way.

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The Guinevere Deception | Children Of Virtue & Vengeance | House of Salt & Sorrows | Princess Jellyfish Volume 1 | HARLEEN Vol. 3

For more bookish content/photos, please consider giving me a follow over on Instagram

The Wives | The Secret History | Long Bright River

Its been years since I’ve watched a movie in a theatre at 3am, it happened & gahhh! it was a challenge haha! The fact that I managed to stay awake at that hour though speaks to my personal enjoyment of this flick. The storyline revolves around the truth behind Rey’s parents & her finalizing Jedi training to face Kylo Ren. We see some interesting turn of events & unexpected revelations. Adam Driver as Kylo Ren in my opinion, continues to be the stand out performance & I’m not just saying that cause he’s easy on the eyes haha! I really enjoy Star Wars movies but I can’t say I’m a hardcore fan like say my boyfriend. He felt this film was a big imporovement from The Last Jedi but still left some unanswered questions. All in all, it was a satisfactory conclusion to the Skywalker Saga.

ICONS Lily Tomlin & Jane Fonda have gifted us with 6 seasons of this wonderful series I cannot get enough of! We had Thelma & Louise in the 90’s & now we have Grace & Frankie. This odd couple friendship starts off after their husbands who happen to be business partners, sit them down & let them know after 20+ years of marriage that they’re Gay & in love with each other. They somehow end up moving in together & starting a new chapter in their lives. This show is all about friendship, rediscovery, self love, self healing and the shedding of inhibitions. It’s about family & finding your new normal, it’s also beautifully Queer & inclusive. Grace & Frankie has been green lit for a 7th season which will be its last & although it makes me a little sad, I’m glad It found its way into my heart.

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December 2019 Monthly Wrap-Up & Book Haul Yes...Yes I am popping up in your feed with my December Wrap-up & Haul 🙈It was a VERY hectic fast paced end of 2019 but I somehow still managed to read quite a lot along the way.

[bookramblings]

Hands Up

Author: Stephen Clark

Published by: WiDō Publishing

Pages: 272

Format: Paperback

My Rating ★★★★

Officer Ryan Quinn, a rookie raised in a family of cops, is on the fast track to detective until he shoots an unarmed black male. Now, with his career, reputation and freedom on the line, he embarks on a quest for redemption that forces him to confront his fears and biases and choose between conscience or silence. Jade Wakefield is an emotionally damaged college student living in one of Philadelphia’s worst neighbourhoods. She knows the chances of getting an indictment against the cop who killed her brother are slim. When she learns there’s more to the story than the official police account, Jade is determined, even desperate, to find out what really happened. She plans to get revenge by any means necessary. Kelly Randolph, who returns to Philadelphia broke and broken after abandoning his family ten years earlier, seeks forgiveness while mourning the death of his son. But after he’s thrust into the spotlight as the face of the protest movement, his disavowed criminal past resurfaces and threatens to derail the family’s pursuit of justice. Ryan, Jade, and Kelly--three people from different worlds—are on a collision course after the shooting, as their lives interconnect and then spiral into chaos

My thoughts

**A digital copy of this book was kindly sent to me by the author in exchange for my review. Thank you to Stephen Clarke for giving me the opportunity to read his latest novel.**

Hands Up is a timely novel due to the very real increase in the number of police shootings of unarmed, young black men in the United States. It is a thought-provoking adult fiction that revolves around three characters linked by tragedy. It focuses on Police brutality, injustice, racism, loss and grief, depression, betrayal and guilt. The book begins with Tyrell Wakefield being shot by a rookie Police officer, Ryan Quinn. According to the Police, the young man had punched Ryan's older partner and was attempting to grab his gun. However, Tyrell's sister, Jade, finds that story very unlikely, as does her mother. So Jade is determined to find out what really happened.

I was pleasantly surprised by this book. The writing was smooth, gripping and pretty realistic. The setting of Philadelphia worked perfectly, and the characters felt real and were well described. The story was told using first person narrative from Jade, Ryan and Kelly’s POV.

The plot was fast-paced and really intriguing. It kept me interested throughout. I liked this novel, and it has a lot of great content. The issues of racial prejudice and Police corruption were handled well, and despite none of the characters being particularly likeable, they were certainly all compelling and interesting to read about.

This book deals with some very important and controversial social issues such as the use of deadly (excessive force) by Police, systematic corruption in law enforcement, and last but definitely not least - racial divide. The story and plot itself kept me rapidly reading throughout.

All in all, this is a good read, with some powerful moments and a gripping plot, both of which are dealt with skilfully by author Stephen Clarke.

Overall reaction:

[mariocki]

The Hard Way (1979)

“You tell him from me - this is the last.”

There isn’t a lot of information out there about The Hard Way, making it a bit of a mystery. It was produced by ITC in 1979 - that much is fact - and appears to have been intended for theatrical release. ITC had been moving steadily from TV to film production throughout the 1970s, although their films had always been licensed to other companies for release. 1979 was the year this changed, as ITC partnered with Thorn EMI Screen Entertainment (itself a conglomerate of the seperate Thorn and EMI entities, also a 1979 baby) to produce Associated Film Distribution. AFD would distribute films made by both ITC and Thorn EMI, as well as any other films the companies could pick up and sell.

AFD would be a short lived disaster, producing two of the biggest flops of 1980 before being unceremoniously wound down (prompting the retirement of ITC head honcho Lew Grade into the bargain). Those two films, incidentally, were Can’t Stop The Music (a musical-comedy faux biopic of The Village People, released just as disco was going out of style, and which inspired the Razzie awards) and Raise The Titanic (an overly long, incredibly expensive adaptation of a Clive Cussler novel that was absolutely trashed by Cussler himself). These were two hugely costly mistakes that lost millions of dollars. So why had the cheap, safe The Hard Way not made it into cinemas the year before?

I don’t have the answer, I’m afraid. Like I said, details are sparse. A little digging around, however, does hint at a troubled production. The script was written by Kevin Grogan and Richard F. Tombleson (actually Richard Ryan), with Tombleson to direct, Michael Dryhurst to produce and John Boorman to act as executive producer. How exactly a director of Boorman’s stature got involved with this minor production is also shrouded in mystery, though its worth noting that the film was made almost entirely in Ireland (where Boorman had long been based) and that the director was fresh from his own cinematic disaster (1977’s absolute mess Exorcist II: The Heretic, once described by Mark Kermode as “demonstrably the worst film ever made”). Whatever happened next, Tombleson was soon dropped as director and replaced by producer Dryhurst - anecdotal legend has it that either Tombleson found the ‘hard living’ nature of his cast too much to deal with, or that he clashed (personally or professionally) with star Patrick McGoohan.

Dryhurst had experience as an associate producer and as an assistant director, but this was to be his first project in the senior positions (his only credit as director, in fact). Whether or not ITC lost confidence in an inexperienced crew, or doubted the financial return of such a quiet, maudlin film, is pure speculation. I just don’t know (sorry, I never promised to have answers). Whatever the case, the film never got a theatrical release and instead became a TV movie and, in a few years, an early home video release. There it seems to have picked up a (very) small but devoted following.

The plot is nothing much new; McGoohan is John Connor, an aging hitman who works for hire, usually for a mercernary organization headed by McNeal (Lee Van Cleef). Connor has retired, but McNeal needs him for one last job and eventually pressures him to come out of retirement by threatening Connor’s estranged wife. Connor doesn’t go through with it, McNeal loses face and orders him killed; the scene is set for a suitably dramatic showdown. This isn’t groundbreaking, or even particularly special. But the final product is, just a little, special. Something went right, somewhere along the line, and The Hard Way turns out to be a surprisingly memorable film. I’m not saying ITC would have made a fortune, had they distributed the film to cinemas, but they certainly wouldn’t have lost millions and I’m sure it would have at least broken even…

The best word I can use to describe this film is sparse. Everything is just a little bleak, a little grey. Country landscapes are autumnal, grubby and wet. City shots seem especially grimy and gaunt. Dryhurst - who actually equips himself pretty well as a first time director - eschews closeups and keeps everyone at a middle distance, where its difficult to properly read their faces. Even the script is sparse. The whole film revolves around Connor and he’s not often offscreen for any length of time, yet he has only a handful of lines in the entire thing. Dryhurst didn’t even use an original score, instead using two ready-made pieces from Brian Eno’s 1978 experimental album, Music For Films.

The cast (Van Cleef and McGoohan aside) are mostly semi-familiar faces from British and Irish television - Donal McCann, Joe Lynch, Kevin Flood. The notable exception is Connor’s wife, Kathleen. Played by celebrated Irish novelist Edna O'Brien - in her only credited screen role - Kathleen spends most of the film isolated from the other characters. She provides much of the background and insight on Connor, delivering melancholy monologues directly to camera in what looks like a cave. Its disconcerting at first, having such a particular tone and presence for just one character (the context of her one sided conversation and its setting is not revealed until the very end of the film) but it ends up working. As the very human side of an inhumane business (Kathleen is the only truly sympathetic character in the film) she anchors everything in a state of reality and consequence. Its what prevents the film from becoming just another generic action film, or an overly grim mood Piece; the idea that though Connor is A Bad Man, and not really suited to any other life, there was a time that he was capable of love, when he was a husband and a father and not just a man with a gun.

Really though, the film belongs to the two stars - it was always going to. Van Cleef is Van Cleef; an actor who, although typecast early on as villains and murderers, was always elegant and subtle in his performances. As McNeal he is the other face of the coin to McGoohan’s Connor. Both men are getting old and getting tired, but where Connor is determined to quit, McNeal is more than ever obsessed with carrying on. His demand that Connor perform the fateful hit feels less about ‘hiring the best’ and more about preventing someone from taking the easy way out. “Men like us don’t stop”, he tells Connor when they first confront one another. In that line is his major misunderstanding of the situation, the idea that he and Connor are the same, with the same goals, drive, needs. He offers more money, but its clear from the very beginning that Connor has never been overly interested in the pay - he takes enough for himself and sends the rest to his family. “I have enough”.

McNeal is proved right in the end, in that both men find themselves unable to stop once the wheels are in motion. The final showdown - Connor entering a certain trap, McNeal rigging the house with tripwire and microphones - is a minor masterpiece of its kind. Connor is wounded early in the scene and spends the rest of it prowling around, using one arm to fire his shotgun at anything and everything that spooks him. Its a paranoid moment but you never feel like Connor has lost control - rather that he’s beyond caring, or has made peace with whatever outcome he expects.

McGoohan is incredible in these scenes, as he is throughout. As I said, he gets precious little dialogue, but it works to his advantage. Always a very physical actor, McGoohan hunches his shoulders and stalks his way slowly through the film conveying his feelings and reactions with a tilt of the head or a movement of his hand. There is a moment where Connor recieves a letter from his daughters, emigrated to America, and begins a reply. Its a simple enough scene, but as Edna O'Brien speaks in voice-over, about how he was a good father, but distant too, McGoohan holds the letter from him; he wanders to the window, stares out as if considering his reply; goes to put the letter down and apparantly move away; has second thoughts, sits and looks at the letter again; slowly, hesitantly pulls a piece of paper towards himself and picks up a pen; holds the pen as though he doesn’t know what to do next and finally, almost resigned, begins to write. Its a fantastic piece of theatre which is a lot more subtle played out than it is described here - the quiet, controlled, fastidious killer faced with the one aspect of his life which visibly makes him uncertain, which he can’t entirely control, which could be exploited as his weakness (as Kathleen is). It’s never really explained why the kids are in America, but watching the film you can’t help but feel its at least partly because Connor had no idea what to say to them.

[anythingstephenking]

Catch Your Dream

…. and shackle it to your heart.

Catch your dream, don't let it spread its wings and fly away.

-Mouse Rat

Since King loves quoting popular music, we’ll get started with some lyrics to one of America’s greatest tunes. And just like that, here we are, arriving at King’s first post car crash novel, Dreamcatcher. And, uh, it is something.

Where to begin? After the crash that nearly took his life, King is stuck in bed, in pain, and high as a kite. An author addicted to opioids after a car wreck - I feel like we’ve heard this one before. It’s Paul Sheldon all over again. But this time it’s real life. Due to being bedridden, King wrote the first draft of this novel by hand - a feat in and of itself as the paperback copy I own of Dreamcatcher clocks in at a hefty 882 pages.

There’s plenty in Dreamcatcher to like. King reaches into his standard bag of tricks - we’ve got Derry Maine! We’ve got 4 childhood friends with a secret! We’ve got aliens! We’ve got lots of bodily functions!

Ok wait, so that last one is new. Based on what I’ve read, King stuck in bed nursing his wounds with oxy, he came to grips with control over his own body, and why shouldn’t poop and vomit and blood find its way into the pages of this story? Sure sure, we’ve got almost 900 pages, lots of room for farts and poo. The last time we had to read in lengths about aliens was The Tommyknockers, a rough go through nosebleeds that plagued the protagonist and King himself as he wrote line after line of book while doing line after line of coke.

Dreamcatcher was not a critical or Constant Reader success. Released in March 2001, it was quickly eclipsed by On Writing, which was published in June of the same year, which became a favorite of fans, aspiring writers and college english professors alike.  

I’m getting ahead of myself. Dreamcatcher introduces us to a group of pals that grew up in Derry - we’ve got Gary "Jonesy" Jones, Pete Moore, Joe "Beaver" Clarendon and Henry Devlin as the core group, with a young friend with Down Syndrome they befriend, nicknamed Duddits. These bros were too old for the Pennywise version of Derry - off to college before our favorite eternal being shows up in Maine in the 80s. Not unlike the Loser’s Club though, this group of ragtag dingdongs share a certain amount of ESP, based on their connection through Duddits who is “special” and “sees the line”, whatever that means.

The core story revolves around these 4 childhood friends, now entering middle age, who get together each November in the remote Maine woods to hunt and shoot the shit. This year, Henry is contemplating suicide. Jonesy was injured in a car accident with striking similarities to King’s own. Basically they’re all a hot mess of middle age. Relatable content. Unfortunately for them, fate has brought these 4 together on the same week that an alien spaceship crashes in Northern Maine. Tough break boys.

These alien life forces claim to be harmless, but uh, they’re not. They brought some sort of fungus with them, as well as parasites that grow inside humans then exit out your butthole. They’re referred to as “shit-weasels”. People infected literally poop them out then die. Y’all. It’s something.

King says in the ending Author’s Note that the story was originally called “Cancer” but my gal Tabs made him change it. God I love her. She referred to Dreamcatcher as “that book” or “the one about the shit-weasels.” Even after the car wreck, King confined to his bed, Tabs refuses to sugar-coat her feedback to her husband. Relationship goals.

Outside of the alien story, we’re compelled to keep turning pages as the mystery of the connection of these friends is unraveled, which is the real heart of the story. The connection of their minds, the power of Duddits, the repressed memories of childhood, come together in a climax that is classic King. We know the good guys will prevail - the last 100 or so pages become a slog to find out just how the winning happens. (If I told you it was because the alien had developed a taste for bacon that ultimately causes his downfall, would you believe me? Cause, uh, that’s what happens.)

There’s also a “government is bad” subplot that is very Firestarter. Terrified of the public learning of the alien craft crash, the military shows up with big guns and bigger assholes. The human-bad-guy is an officer named Kurtz (**Heart of Darkness**cough**cough**), who has very little humanity in him. Ready to slaughter innocent people and ask questions later, we’re reminded that the government will go to any lengths to keep secrets. This message doesn’t require any symbolism as it smacks you in the face every time Kurtz’s name appears on the page.

Other than the plot themes outlined above, there’s a deeper message hiding that is convoluted to say the least. The epilogue, typically available to tidy loose ends, exists only to confuse me. There’s some symbolism around the dreamcatcher that hangs in the hunting cabin, the rules of the game cribbage the boys played together as kids, and the connections of their minds. What it is, I have no idea. “Our wickedest moments, in a cosmic sense, come down to no more than counting someone crib, pegging it backwards, then playing dumb about it” Henry says at end. WTF does that mean?

I enjoyed this better than The Tommyknockers, which isn’t necessarily a glowing review, but there’s something to be said for the comforts of King Classics (TM) even if the core of the story is ALIENS. Boo.

First Line: It became their motto, and Jonesey couldn’t for the life of him remember which of them started saying it first.

Last Line: Then they walked down the steps and across the lawn side by side, Jonesey limping, Henry with the sleeping child in his arms, and for that moment the only darkness was their shadows trailing behind them on the gross.

6/10

Adaptations:

This movie gets a bad name. I saw it back when it came out in 2003 and remember thinking it was garbage - I almost didn’t rewatch it but it was available for rent for .99 and I had no plans.

I seriously would watch Jason Lee in anything. I love him so much. He deserved a lot more than dying on a toilet. 

What a peanut! 

Look at this iTunes description! This movie really does have a ton of talent. 

Academy Award-nominee and Golden Globe-winner Morgan Freeman ("The Sum of All Fears," "Along Came A Spider") stars in this supernatural thriller from the master of horror, Stephen King, with a screenplay by Academy Award-winner William Goldman ("Absolute Power," "All The President's Men"). Tom Sizemore ("Saving Private Ryan," "Heat") and Donnie Wahlberg ("The Sixth Sense," "Band of Brothers," TV's "Boomtown") also star in the film directed by Academy Award-nominee Lawrence Kasdan, who co-wrote the screenplays for "Raiders of the Lost Ark," "The Empire Strikes Back" and "Return of the Jedi." Four friends, tied together through a telepathic bond they gained as children, reunite as adults to fight an invading alien force that controls human beings like helpless puppets and threaten to take over the earth. Also starring Thomas Jane ("Deep Blue Sea," "Face/Off"), Jason Lee ("Vanilla Sky," "Enemy of the State") and Timothy Olyphant ("Gone in Sixty Seconds," "Go").

My complaints - the shit-weasels look like vaginas with teeth. The movie really falls apart in the last act of nonsense with Morgan Freeman and his fake eyebrows, but I didn’t hate this as much as I hated other King movies. A win in my book. 

Castle Rock bought the rights from King for just $1, which at the end of the day was good for them because it didn’t even make back 1/2 of its budget at the box office. 

Before it was released, King said that it would do for toilets what Psycho did for showers. Spoiler alert: It didn’t.  

[deborahdeshoftim5779]

Responses- The Marvel of Trelsi (Part VIII)

By BoltonEvans post here. 

Believe me, I’m in the same boat as far as my OTP goes. While there is a bit more of a variety of fanfiction to explore, the majority of it is grossly out of character (self-loathing homophobic asshole Troy, and Ryan with Sharpay’s personality who refers to Troy as “Bolton” are everywhere), and resort to using extreme traumatic scenarios, such as rape, for cheap drama.

I used to be in another fandom where the homosexual ships involved exploitation of rape as a plot device, which is quite frankly disgraceful. As for Troy being “homophobic”... Is that why he decided to make friends with the most flamboyantly gay... Oh, never mind. I truly believe so many fans were watching a different film altogether. 

Even worse, I’m the only person still actively writing for my ship, these days, with the very rare exception cropping up and taking me by surprise every couple of months, or so. It’s a very sad state of affairs.

Sad, indeed. They have far more in common: 1)- A love of the Performing Arts and corresponding commitment, 2)- Strong work ethic, 3)- Kindness, generosity and thoughtfulness, 4)- Humour. The honest viewer doesn’t need to ship them to see this. Gabriella by comparison only meets ONE of the above criteria-- being a hard worker, and that only relates to her academic pursuits. When it comes to Troy or Ryan’s hard work, she’s happy to flush that down the toilet when it doesn’t suit her. (She’s also happy to play the two against each other to get emotional revenge, which is obnoxious). 

A few more notes/additions, because I’m both obnoxious, and incorrigible:

- My Tryan bias results in my perspective of Troy seeking Sharpay out and agreeing to perform with her and save her “sinking ship” of a talent show only if she also allows the Wildcats to perform, revolving around Ryan persuading him to do so. Troy was hellbent on dropping out of the show and resuming kitchen duty as a show of solidarity with his friends. It was only because of Ryan that he ultimately changed his mind. So, even though Troy absolutely does uphold his commitments (he is a textbook people pleaser, after all), I view that instance as the one exception where Troy had to be talked into keeping a promise. Thankfully, it was by someone who was actually looking out for him, for once.

That’s a good point. Thanks for pointing this out. 

- One minor correction: Gabriella transfers to East High after the new year begins. In the American school system, this would be the start of the second semester, or halfway through the school year, and it’s questionable just when, exactly, she and Troy began officially dating after the events of the first film. In all likeliness, she and Troy dated for about half of their junior year, broke up several weeks into summer vacation, got back together (after Troy was willing to throw an opportunity for a scholarship out the window because of Gabriella’s reaction to him prioritizing his future over giving her a summer worthy of remembering), managed to stay together for most of senior year, then broke up, again, when Gabriella unceremoniously and callously dumped Troy over the phone a week before the year was out.

Correction noted, thanks. 

“When Troy tries to show her a golf course in HSM II, she tells him “I don’t play golf”, which is harmless enough. But given that she should have known by then that her boyfriend was on the school’s Golf Team, it would have reflected better on their relationship had Gabriella taken an interest in his golfing, whether she liked it or not. Particularly since Gabriella was later bitter that Troy didn’t ask HER opinion on the much-derided “Italian golf shoes”. If she doesn’t play golf, why does she care?"

This is a brilliant point, even though I believe that Gabriella telling Troy that she doesn’t play golf when he was obviously setting up a date (since he’s the sole half of the relationship tasked with planning every single date they go on), was rude. I’m assuming that Gabriella, contrary to what sense and logic would dictate, doesn’t take any real interest in Troy’s golfing because it was nothing more than a plot point for the sake of the narrative in the second movie, and never comes up, again, afterward. Her general apathy toward him is also a factor, though, of course.

I also want to add that, as far as their lack of a “common thread” goes;

-Gabriella seems unable to commiserate with Troy’s financial woes, and, indeed, never expresses a single concern about how she’s going to afford her own college tuition- another disparity.  

Oh, this is a VERY good point. Thanks for noting this one. Contrary to what popular romances like to claim, financial disparities can often harm a relationship, with the lesser fortunate partner feeling inadequate (particularly if they are a man) and yet steadfastly refusing any financial assistance. In Troy’s case, he never envies Gabriella’s financial position or asks for anything from her (although she bums freebies off him ALL the time), and expects to resolve all his financial issues himself through hard work and personal responsibility. This is one of the things I really like about him. However, his flaw of worrying so much also comes to light, which is where, as you say, Gabriella comforting him at the very least would have helped somewhat. Of course, what she ACTUALLY says is that they should “focus on right now”-- in other words, herself. 

Whenever Gabriella pulls attention away from his relatable issues and back to her own First World Problems, I tend to think this would have the psychological effect of making Troy feel as though he were complaining too much, if that makes sense? Because he always invests SO much in alleviating Gabriella’s worries whilst sidelining his own. So he would be internalizing a LOT of anxiety, which is extremely unhealthy. In conjunction with the fact that Gabriella makes him feel and look like a toddler in their relationship, his financial woes would make him feel even more inadequate for her as a partner. When his truck breaks down whilst he takes her home, he looks embarrassed, even though the reason is perfectly normal: he needs a new fuel pump. But it’s almost as though he anticipates her mockery, which makes me think that she regularly mocks him when things go wrong-- even if those things went wrong due to circumstances beyond his control. And let’s not forget the fact that he feels so obliged to impress Gabriella by spending his own limited resources on her, even though she can clearly afford to not only provide for herself, but also do nice things for him. What was stopping Gabriella from buying herself a pizza and inviting Troy round for once? Why couldn’t she pay for dinner and a movie sometimes? Why couldn’t she use her mother’s car or help buy her own, since she clearly has the money? Why, as you have already said, could she not help Troy out with his truck woes? (As I’ve said, I’m almost POSITIVE that she would have gotten irritated with him on the ride back from California, because his truck is unreliable. She has no concern for anything that troubles him. I bet she didn’t help pay for petrol, either). He eventually spends/borrows money to attend Berkeley for reasons beyond my humble comprehension. 

It’s very unhealthy and Gabriella’s lack of sympathy makes it even worse. 

-Gabriella’s bedroom decor, behavior, and wardrobe choices suggest a childlike innocence to her personality, and she talks about wanting things to be "like Kindergarten”, but, as you mentioned, she pokes fun at Troy for holding onto boyhood playthings. Watch her face when Troy takes Robo-Rob from her, worrying that she’ll break the toy robot.

That doesn’t strike me as the face of a girl who finds her boyfriend’s dorkiness and sentimentality for an aspect of his childhood endearing. That’s the face you pull when a person says or does something crazy and you’re trying to wrap your head around it.

You seem to have all the right gifs! Christ. There’s rarely ever any genuine affection in her eyes when she’s around Troy, as I will discuss later. Maybe in HSM I with the rooftop scene, we saw some genuine affection as she was opening up to Troy. That vanished not long later after the webcam stunt, in which her expression was NOT hurt/disappointed, but cold and almost hostile. (Maybe she didn’t want to appear weak or hurt by his words, given that she DID shed tears earlier). And yes, the hypocrisy is staggering in the way she treats Troy’s childhood interests. 

-Troy knows his future is coming at him full steam ahead, and even though he has no idea what he wants to do, after high school, and is “being pulled in a hundred different directions”, he acknowledges, “We’re going to graduate. That’s going to happen. Nothing is going to slow down”… while Gabriella laments, right in front of him, life not grinding to a standstill, just for her, so she never has to leave East High. This suggests not just a disparity in priorities, but in maturity levels, as well; something that would have caused an eventual rift between a real life couple that nothing could have patched up.

Absolutely. 

Imagine, years down the road- if they managed to stay together- Troy fretting over steadily accumulating bills and taxes while Gabriella rolls her eyes and tells him to just push for a promotion at work. Then, imagine Gabriella finding out that the electric bill hasn’t been paid and their electricity is about to be shut off. Do you think she’d take a stressed out Troy aside and promise to find a way to get them out of this rut, or angrily confront him and demand to know why the bill hasn’t been paid and if he wants them out on the street?

Shaking with laughter! :D Please God, let it not get this far! 

Imagine how Gabriella would respond if Troy sustained an injury, in college, that ruined his shot at a career in professional basketball, or if he got laid off from his job. Do you really think she’d stay by his side and try to work things out? Or, do you think Troy would come home to find the engagement ring he put his entire salary toward, sitting on the kitchen table beside a note from Gabriella explaining that she “can’t do this, anymore”?

That dialogue... :D That is JUST what Gabriella would say. I’m laughing because of the sheer irony. We are told that this couple represent “Relationship Goals”... I just can’t! *wipes eyes*

Based on everything I’ve seen in canon, I heavily lean toward the latter.

The Wail Fest in HSM II epitomises Gabriella’s philosophy in a nutshell: “I gotta do what’s best for ME.” She really knows how to play the scorned lover in every one of her Wail Fests. What’s even more insulting in this song is when she sings, “You’ll be okay!” This is AFTER she: 1)- quit the job he secured on her behalf, 2)- mocked and derided him for his promotions, 3)- flirted with Ryan to manipulate his emotions, 4)- dumped him, 5)- and eventually rejected his necklace. She has some audacity! Every time she is about to drop kick him, she constantly makes the presumption that he will understand her behaviour: (HSM I)- “You’ve got your team, and I’ve got mine. It’s WHERE WE BELONG.”, (HSM II)- “I just don’t belong here, I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND”, (HSM III)- “I can’t be a little adult right now, Troy. I’m hoping you’ll understand that.” It makes me sputter with rage. Meanwhile, when it comes to HER turn to show some understanding in the following situations: (HSM I)- When Troy is clearly being pressured to avoid the Musicals, (HSM II)- When Troy is under pressure from Sharpay’s harassment and his fast rise to fame, (HSM III)- When Troy is worried about his future--- hey, what do you know? Her “understanding” vanishes. It’s like she never heard of the word. 

*angry sigh*

I’ll discuss more of this in later posts. If you don’t mind, I’ll add some things you’ve said here. (Giving credit, obviously). 

Thanks for the responses!