Tumgik
#and i sometimes feel like i haven't done enough
megamindsecretlair · 2 days
Text
WIP Tuesday
Buckle up babes, it's going to be a long post!
Tumblr media
I come before you humble, hat in hand. I know I been wilding ya'll. I know there's a lot of fics I need to update and get back to. I haven't forgotten! And since there are...so many new people thanks to my Terry fics, what a great time to call myself out chuz ya'll too nice to do so! I saw @nerdieforpedro do this a few weeks ago? Forgive me for not tagging the person you got it from, but I am tiredt, chilleee.
Current focus: Terry got my whole heart, ya'll. Every fic I read of him, I just want to go hop in the booth myself and get to writing. Ya'll inspire me every damn day, it's magical. There is a filthy, disgusting, mean, despicable fic I wanna write with him. But alas, he is not the only one I write for.
Girl, there's how many series????? Listen, the muse wants what it wants. 11 series in total. Chillee, why I do dissssss. Some are closer to finishing than others. So let's count them out (click the links to learn more):
Be My Little Darling - Loki series | It Started With a Whisper - Sam Wilson series | Midnight Sin - Vampire Tyrone series | Blackbird - Mob Boss Fontaine | Camp Wanderlust - Franklin Saint series | What You Deserve - Homewrecker Stunna | Runaway Lover - Professor Stunna | If I Took You Home - Kevin Atwater | Kill Her Softly - Zyair Malloy | A Taste of the Divine - Yakuza Sukuna | We Are the Night - Qimir
Frenn, that's a lot, do you sleep? Are you okay? Blink twice if you need help. I'm promise I'm good ya'll, I just love writing and I love interacting with ya'll. You have NO idea how much each and every single one of ya'll mean to me. I love the support, I love the comments, I love the reblogs. I'm trying not to disappoint folks, I was on a schedule and well, life happened. I can course correct, I promise. Just gon' take me a little minute. Let me close the smaller series first!
Okay, surely that's it right, frenn? Ahh no, because there's also the asks that have been piling up. Per my pinned post, you know that I have a scatterbrain. Some asks I deleted because they're too similar to what I've done before. Some I'm still trying to picture before I start writing. But the ones I've kept? At last tally it is...33. Some are similar and I'm going to combine them, but yeahhhhh. This isn't a callout post, keep sending those requests in! Just know it's gonna take me a smoooooooth minute. Also, welcome new people, welcome! But not everything needs a part two, I promise. If I write "The End" at the bottom, that truly means the end. No part 2 planned, ain't trynna write a part two. I want to move on sometimes. I love you, but I'll be writing until I'm gray if everything got a part 2. And I wanna get paid for my writing. Which brings me tooo...
Umm, umm, what's this I hear about a book??? Yes! I am actually writing a book based on an ask I received. It was a sweet ask about what kind of story would go with "Handwritten Letter". I said it gave friends to lovers, she fell first, he fell harder type of vibes. It has morphed into dark academia about a shy girl just trying to come into her own. It's a combo of and a love letter about girls like me, girls like you, each and every person who identifies as a Soft Black Girl. And I already have *so* many ideas about other books I want to do. There will be one based on the Mr. Black series I wrote. There will also be a vampire one! I just can't decide yet which will be the second book I put out. I'm leaning towards vampire because Terry is HEAVY on the brain ya'll. And he'd make a sexy vamp. But anywhooo...
I say all this to say that I'm not a machine. I'm not that quick despite appearances. I may not seem like I have any chill, but I've been fantasizing and turning over these fics in my head for days or weeks before I sit down to write. And I'm not saying to stop. Your support is exactly why I feel good enough about my writing to sit and write an entire book! I want to be a full time author. I want to share my ideas with the world. I'm just slow lmfaoooooo.
In the mean time, I hope you're hitting up all these amazing writers on here. I hope you're commenting and reblogging and showing love on here. I will keep saying it. This site will DIE and these BLACK writers will LEAVE if people keep stealing, not commenting, not reblogging, asking for part 2s and never showing love. Fandom is a community, not a pillar. No one know it's you behind that avatar, go crazy! Go nuts. Show nuts. whatever.
Love, love, love you all. If you read this far, drop something funny in the comments. Or go unhinged in my asks about Terry. Don't get me started about that man, but go awff about him because that's my baby favaaa.
no pressure tags: @chaos-4baby @j0kers-light @umber-cinders @harmshake @planetblaque @babybratzmaraj @soft-persephone
41 notes · View notes
ghostorbz · 2 days
Text
Let's talk about the flipside
Tumblr media
Something I actually,,, really don't wanna do!! But I will anyway. This game turned out so fucking bad its actually ridiculous. First off,, what went wrong?
For me, it was:
-The stories
-The endings
-The characterizations
-All the feet?????
Spoilers for basically the whole game, by the way. Not that you should subject yourself to this. Trigger warning for like,, everything???
Let's start off with the stories and endings
OD ending:
Jecka has a major panic attack because of her,,, "job" and Nicole and ends up over dosing. Voluntarily.
Human trafficking ending
Jecka gets put into human trafficking by the police when all she wanted was her paycheck, her manager and somewhat friend Kelly dies.
Jeffery murder ending
Nicole murders Jeffery and she forces Jecka to not call the police by threatening her.
Ari dies ending
While drunk driving Jecka crashes into Ari while she's delivering food and she dies. Ari does, not Jecka.
Nicole's suicide ending
A tie in with the first game. Nicole gets stuck in hostage friendships while Jecka is forced to date her teacher for a good grade. She goes to in school therapy for it. Her heavily abusive dad finds out and Jecka runs to Nicole's house to find her dead.
First off, what does EVERY ending have? Jecka suffering. Suffering horribly. Rather from someone/herself dying, being abused, or just straight up depression.
Let's compare these endings with some of Nicole's endings
Nicole dies, Nicole sabotages a relationship, Nicole gets people to die, Nicole causes a girl's house to get burnt down, Nicole wins a court case, Nicole gets her house back, Nicole gets valedictorian. Of course this is only a small portion out of the two games. But notice how good things happen to Nicole in some endings? In some cases the bad endings feel justified because of how Nicole treats people, but not all of them are bad. Sure, some of them aren't deserved. My point is Nicole has good things happen to her along with the bad things.
Flipside has none of that. Jecka suffers nonstop despite doing nothing in every single ending. She isn't happy in any ending. Nothing turns out for her!!! We see time and time again how Nicole gets things to work for her whether she manipulates it or not. Nicole can have happiness. But Jecka can only suffer. A teenage punching bag. This girl has done nothing wrong to deserve anything she gets put through.
Tumblr media
Why is this??? Literally, what was the reason for this
All of the endings fucking suck. I hate all of them. But enough about that, let's move on to the characters
Characterization
Jeckas dad
On the surface he's a kind guy who donates to charity. But he consistently verbally (possibly physically?) abuses Jecka for no reason. Literally nothing can set him off. A flip of the switch type of abuser. We haven't seen Jeckas dad prior to this game, but it's evident he sucks. I'd say he's way worse than Nicole's mom, at least she is sometimes nice and tries to help out. Jeckas dad blows all his money on Emily (a teenager who went to Jeckas school), forces Jecka to get a job and verbally belittles her if she ever says anything to him. Everytime he speaks to Jecka her first response is "don't hit me." Is this supposed to be fnnuy? We see Jecka have full blown sob sessions and panic attacks because of him. If it is supposed to be fnnuy it isn't. It's just sad and scary. There is nothing comedic about the abuse Jecka goes though in these scenes.
Nicole
They did Nicole's character horribly in this. We see Nicole share compassion for Jecka, she doesn't have that at all in this. Her betrayal was the worst for me. It just,,, seemed so out of character for her to do something like that. Nicole literally sacrificed her free school hours by getting in trouble with the predatory school councilor just for Jecka to be able to smoke in peace again. Nicole cares for her, calls her cool and pretty multiple times. She spends all her time with her, and even when she dies in the first game she says "I didn't know Jecka that well, but tell her she's cool for me." The betrayal ruined her character, hell it isn't even her character!! I don't like how she threatened Jecka when Nicole was the one who killed Jeffery. Speaking of, the way she acted with him seemed weird to. She can barely stand sitting near him in the first two games, and she did,, all,,,, THAT with him??? Bullshit. I see so many people say "but Nicole is a sociopath, she doesn't care about Jecka!" Um,,, yes she does? I mean it's pretty clear she does. Jecka is the only person Nicole really cares about. They wouldn't meet in every single route if Jecka wasn't important to Nicole in some way.
Jeffery
Jeffery is weirdly obsessed with Jecka in this game. Yes, we've seen him like and do weird things but not to this extent. He has never acted like this before?? Its like they reduced his good qualities and doubled up his weird ones. Which isn't a bad problem, but it makes his behavior visibly different in flipside.
Mr. Katz
Introduced in the Re up, this game turns him into the worse person ever. Last time all he did was drugs, now he's sexually harassing Jecka and verbally abusing her if she doesn't comply. Then threatening her with her grades. Since he was a minor character at best this could just be a different side of him we haven't seen but knowing how many pedos there already are in this game I don't get why they wouldn't introduce this or foreshadow it in the first two games.
Everyone else,,,
Everyone else seems to be fine, Emily, Ari, Kelly, Kylar, and Crispin to name a few. Thing is these are all side characters, sure they can be important in a few endings but for the most part they don't play a massive role in here besides Kelly and Emily.
This game was advertised as "same comedy, different girl." But there's no comedy in this game, only torture. Maybe Nicole was right when she said life was a sick hopeless game.
Tumblr media
Okay, lets talk about the feet.
So,,, what the fuck? What was all that about? This literally took up half of the game, not a fucking exaggeration. Was it really necessary? The devs couldn't think of anything else? They were all really dragged out, it felt like it would never end no matter how badly I wanted them to. I guess you could say this line in the first game was some sort of foreshadowing
Tumblr media
This feels like a very poorly disguised fetish. Like blanket ghost costume type poorly disguised. In fact, all of the endings feel unnecessary. Most of these have even more twisted endings than the first two games. What's up with that? It feels like they're trying to filter their audience to people who would actually enjoy doing that type of shit to people.
No, fuck I don't wanna talk about feet.
Here's some random things I want to critic but couldn't fit anywhere.
-The jeckari scene felt weirdly out of place. I could've been cut out and nothing would've changed. It wasn't necessary. Sorry jeckari fans
-What was up with the councilor? I don't mean his voice acting (it was definitely different though, right?) But he was kind of out of character. Like, he had a whole "I'm so important and mysterious (but not actually)" vibe going on. The fuck was up with the riddle? And having a whole fucking warehouse of illegal videos? Yes he's a predatory creep but I don't think he would go that far. Also pulling out a gun and shooting Kelly and almost Jecka felt so,,, what??? He wouldn't
I swear fandoms understand characters more than the creators
-Jeffery is just randomly rich? Out of nowhere? Okay. Whatevers convenient for the plot, I get it
-Why is EVERY single man attracted to kids in this game, it's overkill. Sure people like that exist but they aren't every single person you meet
-Super short, only 3 hours of gameplay. Not worth the $15. The first two games are way better, just get those. Not like this game is worth anyones time. The first game is only $10 for an hour or 2 of gameplay. The re up is $15 for 4 hours
-Nothing felt quotable. Maybe I just haven't seen it enough to memorize half the script but there weren't any lines where I was like "oh haha that's silly to say as a reference." The first two games were filled with quotable lines. Most of flipside is either something about feet or Jecka being abused
-The "thank you" note at the end of the game was kind of immature, I don't really want a thank you for this? Ummmm,, okaaayyyyy??
-You barely even get to play, it's mainly you just watching. The first two games have you actively choosing what to do. Flipside only makes you choose maybe twice
-The whole "They're 18 now!! Look at all the fucked up things we can do to them now!!" is really showing. Stop it. It's still weird
-This game is supposed to be post-graduation, but we still see Nicole and Jecka at school, multiple times. Jecka even says they aren't even in school anymore and yet you can still go back to high school? Yea, who gives a fuck about a timeline anyway,,,
Okay, but was there anything good?
Ehh,, I don't really know. I only laughed at one scene and that's saying a whole fucking lot for a comedy game. The first two games had me dying from laughter, but every single scene in the flipside just felt upsetting. Nothing was fnnuy.
I did enjoy very few things.
-The art has heavily improved. The visuals were nice when they weren't about feet or Jecka being abused
-The hatman scene was the only thing I laughed at, I liked it
-I got pretty excited when I saw that Jecka had an MSI poster in her room. I like MSI so it was a nice little surprise to see
-I liked the tie in with the first game ending. I wish we got to see more of Jeckas reaction after Nicoles death though
-I thought the whole "if god isn't watching, who is?" thing was kinda interesting. But having me listen to a whole monologue kinda killed it for me
-Class of 09 always had super good voice acting, and this doesn't change. All of Jeckas panic attacks sound super real
Overall, would I recommend this game? Absolutely not. I wouldn't even recommend this to an already fan of the series, much less tell someone to start out with flipside. Flipside isn't worth your time or money, it isn't even worth this whole post! That's why it's over
25 notes · View notes
hw4-l1z · 1 day
Note
hi!! hope youre having a good day/night!
i wanted to req yeosang smut bc ouufhfff have you SEENNN that croptop he wore in japan.
just imagine, him come back after the concert, still wearing that n just 'punishing' him for wearing that croptop for everyone to see and making him cum all over his abs. i am so unwell.
NO RUSH FOR THIS BTW!! 🙏🙏
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Yeosang in a crop top will always make me feral
Sub!yeosang x Dom!m!reader
Cw: degradation// slapping// yeosang gets called slut quite a few times// reader is kinda mean// possessive reader// praise
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
"You think it's funny looking all slutty in front of all your fans to see hmm? Think they get to see what should only be for me" you growl, landing another slap to his thigh.
"I should be the only one who gets to see that. Me. Not everyone else. Only me"
Slap slap slap
"Now... you're gonna take my cock like a good boy yeah?" You say
He nods his head, tears brimming his eyes and his lip quivering.
You slowly slide your cock in, letting his adjust for now. He wipes away his tears from his eyes as he begins to move his hips against yours, grinding himself down onto your cock.
"That's it baby, show me how much of a slut you are for my cock. My slut. You can only be slutty for me" you grin.
You begin to thrust your hips forward, deep but slow strokes that you keep up for a while. Teasing him and not giving him the friction he craves for. You want him to beg for more, beg for you to ruin him, beg for you to rough him up.
His hips continue moving, trying to feel your cock move deeper into him but it's not enough. He begins to whine and squirm, trying to pull you closer and pulling your hips forward to try make you go faster.
"Ah ah baby...use your words come on"
Another whine. He hates begging you, he feels so embarrassed when he tries to tell you all the lewd things he wants you to do to him.
He let's out a quite and soft "please"
"Please? Please what? That's not enough baby, tell me what you want"
He huffs a little in frustration.
"Please...please...more...want more, want you to be rough" he whines
"Be rough with what, you need to be more specific sangie" you laugh as you give him a particularly hard thrust of your cock. "Like this?" You ask
He nods his head frantically "Yes yes, like that please...fuck me harder please, wanna feel you deep" he whimpers out.
You pull your hips back so just the tip of you dick is left inside him "good boy, see? Wasn't so hard was it" you say before slamming your cock back into him. He yelps in pleasure as your cock hits inside him so deep and at a perfect amount of roughness.
Hooking his legs over your arms and folding him almost in half as you work your cock in and out of him at a brutal pace. Grunting and groaning as he squeezes around you so well, taking every bit of you. We can feel the veins of your cock rubbing against his walls in such a delicious way that drives his brain haywire.
"Good boy taking me so well, hope this teaches you a lesson to not be such a slut on stage" you say as you continue your relentless pace. His body tensing and un-tensing constantly as he struggles to mouth any coherent words. Just babbling a bunch of nonsense as his brain cause all fuzzy.
It doesn't take him very long until he's cumming untouched, spilling his load onto himself as his legs tremble in your hold. You just laugh at how pathetic he looks, all fucked out, his hair a mess on the pillow under him. Such a pretty site.
You slow down a little to let him catch his breath, slowly moving in and out of him still so he could take sometime to come down.
His body relaxing as you let his legs drop onto the bed again before you stop completely. You haven't finished yet but your giving both of you a quick little rest before you start him back up again.
"Get your breath back quick cause we're not done yet darling"
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
26 notes · View notes
thirsty-shaman · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
my friend's birthday is ONLY 3 MONTHS AWAY so i'm already working on something for her because she deserves the best.
she LOVES grell (and she really wants the artfx figure but no. i can't afford that) so i was thinking about a keychain? or a print? something along those lines
185 notes · View notes
toasteaa · 17 days
Text
I don't know what's been going on with me recently but like...there's this tiny shred of guilt that I'm not doing anything really engaging on here anymore? Like, my creative block is fading out (finally), but I haven't drawn or written anything substantial recently and I feel really weird about that. Not just for you all looking at my blog, but also just in a creative bust kind of way.
There are ideas and themes and such that I would love to play with or dabble in, but I keep stopping them because they're either too self indulgent or there's no visual work to go with it. I don't really know how to describe it? Like I feel like I've been lazy creatively speaking recently when I COULD be getting more ideas out, but it's about the same ship all the time and idk, I also feel like I've gotten to the point where I'm talking too much again? Not that anyone here has made me feel like that and I have asks that I need to answer so I KNOW I'm not talking too much but I'm!!!! Being splashed with the self conscious and self critical and imposter syndrome buckets and I need them to stop!!!!
#toast talks#Not necessarily meant to be a vent so I'm not putting it in my vent tag but!#The save to draft button has become my best friend LOL#Idk it's just that weird feeling that settles in whenever I realize that I haven't actually finished anything and then whenever#I'm asked about eclairette specifically I always have the hardest time answering some questions!#And it's like...I know their story? But I also don't? Because it's just in fragments all over my brain that change sometimes?#And then I get sucked into aus because I love the ideas of aus and seeing characters in different situations#but then I worry that maybe I'm not presenting the characters well enough? Or maybe I'm getting too self indulgent in everything I do?#WHICH ISN'T BAD AT ALL I JUST. My brain. It does things and makes me overthink the most basic enjoyments I have.#And part of me feels like this would be solved if I had more ships but like...idk. I do/did have other ships but eclairette just.#They feel right to me. They're like...a comfort ship now? Idk. Their story is fun and enjoyable to me and even their noncanon lore is#fun for me to run through my head on end.#Hmmm. I think my brain has just been in a weird spot recently and it's because creative juices are pumping but I have not done a creative#in...three months?#Good lird I need to at least doodle them again -#btw still not a vent! Just sorting my brain out and trying to see what it's got going on and what it wants cause??? Get it together girl#We've got lore to make. Canon and otherwise.#If you got this far I love you. If you didn't get this far I love you. I need those blue bitches to do SOMETHING soon.#''they should do each other'' true and correct. But that will have to wait. We gotta get lore written down first!
12 notes · View notes
rubenesque-as-fuck · 20 days
Text
Anyway I got notified that I'll be getting a nice $$ bonus from work today and I wish that I could celebrate with someone in a way that didn't just feel like obnoxious bragging. Like beyond the financial aspect, it's just nice to be recognized for good work and I actually feel... good?? about this job??
But it feels so silly to say I want to celebrate when I just got back from what felt like my first real vacation in a very long time and am doing cool comic con stuff this weekend and am scheduled for a new tattoo next weekend. I am already doing lots of things to try to make myself feel good! It feels selfish to want more!
But I guess even with all of that, there's just still a hunger for external validation from trusted sources. Will I ever grow out of wanting someone to be proud of me?
Tumblr media
#stoned ramblings#life of faye#i swear I'm not as sad right now as this makes me sound just kinda lonely is all#work bonus#boss also said that if i wanted to take on more responsibility we could talk raises as well#and like most days I'm done by like 1 so it's not like I'm wildly overworked as it is#I'm going to set some aside for fun stuff and the rest is going in my savings#i am finally FINALLY trying to build up a savings again#it's probably a silly dream but I still want to save up for a house#so what else can i do but try and save?#rent's gone up so damned much everywhere that for somewhere halfway decent it costs about as a mortgage to rent anyway#the only reason my rent is semi-managable is because I've been here for 8 damn years so they haven't been able to drive it up as much#other apartments here start at hundreds more per month for new tenants#so i feel like I'm stuck here until i can afford a place#my one real hope is that I inherit enough from my midwest grandma when she passes to make a good down payment somewhere#sometimes to torture myself I like to go look at houses that I think are in my approximate realistic price range if i could cover the down#i want a yard for velma#i want to be able to open my blinds and/or windows and not feel like a whole apartment complex's worth of people can see me#i want a kitchen where all the burners work and I have enough counter space to work#i want a dryer system where my apartment doesn't get filled with warm wet air when the neighbors are doing their laundry#i want to do nude gardening#and have backyard bbqs with friends#i want enough dedicated space to do art that i don't constantly have to shuttle the easel around the living room and up and down the stairs#all pipe dreams i know#but hey the grandma did say that i was one of her three main inheritors in the will#so we'll see#just to be clear she has not passed but she's nearing 90 and keeps talking about it so it's hard not to think about you know?#anyway these are the sorts of things that i would talk about if I had someone to cuddle on the couch and talk to about my day#texts to nobody
15 notes · View notes
antisocialxconstruct · 2 months
Text
I've been extremely happy with my clown dog progress so far considering the last time I """paused""" working on them they were loose unpainted faces and disassembled pelts (and stayed that way for.... months), BUT I find myself really itching to make my own Little Creature from scratch again........ I think once I finish Cotton Candy's outfit I'll pause that project again and finally try making a little poseable doll 🤔 if I can get a base body pattern figured out for that, I could change out the head/tail shape and fabric color/pattern as much as I want and make all sorts of different little dress-up-able creatures.
19 notes · View notes
tittyinfinity · 6 months
Text
when you're disabled, being financially abused by your parents never ends
#so you're telling me that you got 5k this week from claiming me on your taxes#while hounding me about how i haven't been contributing enough to bills & expenses (i was giving you what you asked for!)#and none of it will go to me because ''i owe it to you for living with you''#despite the fact that 5k nearly covers the mortgage for the entire YEAR#DESPITE THE FACT THAT I COULD PAY OFF MY OWN LANDLORD AND MOVE OUT#btw i literally only let her claim me on her taxes bc she said she'd be giving it to me. and this is the third time she has done this.#promised me it wouldn't happen again. she used me.#she does this thing a lot#where she acts like she's helping people but only does it to hold it over their head#i told her i could have been paying her more for bills but she told me i didn't have to#and now she's complaining that i don't pay enough#i will literally tell her not to help me sometimes#bc she'll do it anyway and then later on you hear ''i did something nice for you so if you don't help me with a favor right now...#...I'll do everything I can to sabotage your life''#so she literally only does it for personal gain#so that she can have an excuse to feel like she's better than all of her kids and that we're just stupid ungrateful assholes#all 3 of her kids could be telling her that her logic is wrong and she won't budge#another thing that happened recently is that she told me i needed to pay her back for a gift she bought me that got stolen#which is also something she does a lot. buys me things without asking and then telling me i have to pay her back for them#i had way more stuff stolen that i had personally bought#i didn't ask for that fucking keyboard sorry. I ALREADY HAD ONE.#and she's been going on about how ''she's the one who's ACTUALLY being affected''#she is FULLY AWARE that the dude she lets over has stolen from us MULTIPLE times#but apparently it's my responsibility to pay her back for something out of my control#STOP BUYING ME SHIT AND TELLING ME I DON'T NEED TO PAY YOU MORE IF YOU'RE JUST GONNA HOLD IT OVER MY HEAD#IF I'M SUCH A BURDEN MAKE IT POSSIBLE FOR ME TO LEAVE#.bdo
7 notes · View notes
epickiya722 · 7 days
Text
If that "special announcement" is a worldwide popularity poll...
3 notes · View notes
Text
I am just so tired of everything but I can't do anything about it
#I can change this situation if I work hard and sincerely....but I just.... can't?#I just feel more physically tired day by day and it feels like I am being lazy and not trying hard enough#But I just. Can't.#Like one surface level I do understand it's just that I am not in a really good place mentally but sometimes it just feels so...bad#I don't know. I have been feeling a lot of unpleasant feelings towards people I though I loved and cared about and it is really troubling m#And then there's this situation of me just not being good enough. And it's so frustrating#I just. There's this person who I have been really envying for a while. I felt very guilty to admit it but I don't know man. Especially whe#I can't bring myself to completely envy and dislike them out of pettiness....it just feels so Wrong And Bad#But I don't know....why do I feel like I can't do anything about this when I can if I try#Why can't I just try to change this. Change myself#I am surrounded by people who support me always....yet I can't do better and I can't do ENOUGH#It just.I don't know. On one hand I wish I was better because I do have a bit of an ego and I want to relish that feeling of winning#On the other hand....I want people who I love to be proud of me.#But I can't because I am too lazy for this can I#It's like I've hit this slump and I can't get out of it#I've tried so much to get out of it....everyone around me tells me not to let myself get too deep into whining and negative emotions and#give up...but man is it so fucking hard not to. It makes me loathe myself that#I feel like running away from my responsibilities when I don't even carry them out. I haven't done shit to feel like I need a break#I don't know I just really am dissatisfied and disappointed with my current self now.#N rambles
9 notes · View notes
shevr · 1 year
Note
Just saw an irl picture of you after months of following and holy moly you’re super cute! And at this point anyone who misgenders you must be blind or a jerk because you really don’t look masculine at all(if you don’t mind me saying).
thank uuu u honestly i generally get decent luck on that i think the recent uptick in it lately is maybe due to another hair removal session some time ago that made my remaining facial hair a bit more visible for a while & that'll have played in it bc really people kinda just make a quick subconscious judgement on that based on a random sum of things they notice
Tumblr media
(thanks to you as well hell yeah keep on likin girls they're worth it)
25 notes · View notes
gxlden-angels · 1 year
Note
the only person who was actually right about the world and human nature was Max striner everyone else is a fucking moron
Striner? I hardly know 'er!
Anyways, I'm not a philosophy expert. I'm just some guy. I like the egoist belief that there isn't a universal moral truth. I like the absurdist belief that, because nothing matters, we should be radically sincere. I like the christian belief in a place without suffering after this life. I like the Universal Random Number Generator idea my therapist and I talk about
All of them have their flaws though. Egoism gets used to condemn social movements and civil rights advocacy. Absurdism and the RNG can create a sense of existential dread and a loss of motivation. Christianity encourages the loss of identity and free will
I'm just some psych student with a weird ass therapist that understands my weird ass brain. He encouraged me to look into absurdism since I took a class on absurdist literature my freshman year of college and he said I might enjoy looking into the actual philosophy. And I do! At least a lot of it! I like the idea of a chaotic universe and us humans trying our best to control it. I like the idea of letting that go and living authentically instead of with a direct purpose. There's chaos and mayhem and entropy and I'm just here to react to it. And I can react in ways that makes others happier if I wanted just because I can
Egoism/egotism feels too disconnected from the human need to connect to me. It traps me into that feeling that doing something good for someone is selfish if you're doing it to feel good. I'm actively working to get out of that spiral Christianity put me in now
I don't know, though, anon. I'm just some college student with an ex-christian tumblr blog and a lot of trauma. I like to believe there's some Universe-sized Abstract Computer with a random number generator that causes the chaos we call home. I skim wiki pages and reddit posts and decided if I want to engage any further/look for textbooks. I could possibly be looking at the wrong page about the wrong philosophy. I'm honestly just on this earthly plane for the bit
#if y'all are into philosophy I encourage y'all to look into it still just because it's interesting#As I understand it egoism/egotism is the belief that you only control one's own actions and awareness#and that all actions done by one's self is meant to benefit their own well-being#For me it sends me into a guilt spiral of worrying I'm not a good person because I feel good making others happy#because that would be selfish and that would make me bad actually#all of which I know if black and white thinking and we're all a little selfish sometimes. it's good for us#Im just not at a place where I can really dive into that#Im a fan of absurdism because of my commitment to the bit#It's essentially the idea that the universe is chaotic and life doesn't matter/there's no purpose to life#And you can respond by finding a higher power/religion/purpose. endgame. or live life pushing against the chaos#Modern absurdism gives further options but I haven't quite learned enough to fully explain them yet#And given the nature of my blog I obviously didn't like religion nor am I secretly a ghost#So I like the idea of having no actual purpose I have to follow (like being christ like)#but this belief is also not for everyone. it's known to cause existential dread and crises#I loved absurdist literature though. My favorite is Beckett's plays they're so fuckin funny in a dark way#I love finding humor and committing to the bit in times of stress. That's essentially what this blog is lol#also there's 750 of y'all now that's fucking wild#anyways I hope y'all enjoyed my ramblings about philosophy since it's been a bit of a growing hyperfixation lol#don't take this as a conversion attempt I actively am saying don't look into these things unless you enjoy philosophy#If y'all really like my absurdism rambles tho I'll write more about it but only if y'all ask. i'm not tryna influence y'all lol#ex christian#religious trauma#ask tag
4 notes · View notes
mementoasts · 2 years
Text
oouughgh i'm suffering so many ideas can't draw anything oouguugughhgh
2 notes · View notes
sheliesshattered · 2 years
Text
not me spiraling about what cosplays to make for a con that’s still more than ten months away
#cosplay#about me#2022 mood#I haven't done any non Doctor Who and non Wasteland costuming since 2015#well besides the quickly thrown together set of four Disney Princesses for my niece's birthday in 2020#it was the beginning of lockdown and all her birthday plans had to be cancelled so we a whole in-character Zoom call for her instead#but that was entirely just things I had in my closet/costume chest already and none of them would have passed muster at a con#but BESIDES that it's been all Wasteland costuming and Doctor Who cosplay for 7 years now#and Jack and I are talking about actually going to a good old multi-fandom convention sometime next year#we're looking very seriously at Dragon Con at the end of August but WonderCon in March is also a possibility#do I have enough costumes already completed that I could wear on extremely short notice? yes#will I still make new ones? also yes#Jack and I are kicking around a couple of ideas for couples cosplay#either something brand new for both of us or me making something to match one of his or making him something to match one of mine#or fixing up our Hitchhiker's Guide Arthur and Trillian a bit to make them even more screen-accurate#buuut I still want to do a couple of other things just for me#and in all likelihood I'll end up wanting to wear costumes when Jack doesn't feel like it#one of the (DCEU) Harley Quinn outfits is high on my list#as is the battered wedding dress from Ready Or Not#but which Harley outfit to make? I have a list of pros and cons for my top three choices lol#and if I do the Ready Or Not wedding dress which version of it is the most recognizable?#when it's freshly torn to shorten it? with just a little bit of blood splatter and missing one sleeve? or full on end-of-the-movie red?#see what I mean? spiraling#I have a sewing project on my table right now (plaid flannel shirt) but I really might start on costuming stuff in the next month or so#hmm hmm hmm#and suddenly I have the 'what should I be?' song from the Garfield Halloween Special in my head lol
3 notes · View notes
crest-of-gautier · 8 months
Text
video editing is so fun... (specifically cutting down hours of gameplay into a highlights format)
#lizz.txt#it feels really ironic to post about video editing being fun when that's all i've been doing for the past 3 weeks LOL#but i haven't been able to edit something in highlights format since late november 2023 (which is my favorite type of editing)#technically i could've edited the big run recording from december but i was intimidated by the 12 hr-ish length#but after working on my friend and i's video essay im like 'actually cutting down 12 hr footage is way easier' LMAOO#and since im 99% done with that and i had some time to spare tonight i started to work through some recordings :D#there's two major ones i want to work through... a splatoon 1 revisit with friends + big run#hoping to have those done by the end of february at the latest!! but ideally i'd like to have it done earlier because!!!#i'm interested in recording eggstra work (not that they've announced it) as well as um. reload#i have so much positive regard for the characters in p3 that i'm like 'i don't think i can control the words that come out of my mouth-#when i'm very excited about something' so i'd like to have my playthrough documented somewhere LOL even if i dont post it!!!#sometimes i think about how when i was playing fe3h i got to the sylvain and felix A+ support and HOW I LOST MY MIND ON VC#and IT WAS SO FUNNY bc i spent like 10 minutes watching that support conversation because every line of dialogue made my brain explode#AND SOMEWHERE in the middle of it my mom called me and i was like (hyperventilating) “HI MOM! DID YOU KNOW! I LIKE VIDEO GAMES!”#or something like that. i can't remember i was kind of lightheaded but anyway im kind of sad that there's no physical proof that happened#ANYWAY i fully expect that reload will make me jump and down ontop of a matress in some shape and form like idk i just like kitaro a lot#but also because purse owner games are LONG im like 'jfc that's going to be a lot of GB. i need to edit my current recordings-#so that i have enough space to accomodate for that' FDKLHLFDH. hence... wanting to work on my video projects#BUT I SO DESPERATELY WANT TO DRAW TOO.. oh the woes of being a multicreative. its ok! i like having hobbies to bounce between#they call it persona 3 reload because it reloads my brain ammo and revitalizes my creative efforts (joke)#seriously though i've been itching to doodle more p3 but im like 'what the FUCK are ideas that aren't splatoon' (this is what happens when-#you only play splatoon. your brain gets filled with SQUIDS!!!). anyway. i hope everyone's had a nice january so far!!! :D#i am always in a constant state of excitement and overload and i needed to get this out somewhere!!#BUT ALSO i want people to know that i like video editing. and that i am looking forward to making videos. while also drawing :3#i will post and share the videos i make here. whenever they're done. LOL. sorry not sorry for filling up your screen with tags <3
1 note · View note
nochepsicodelica · 1 month
Text
Toji who leaves hickeys all over you so often that you have to push him away when you start looking like you fought an octopus.
"Toji, you know these aren't always gonna be so small. They're gonna end up looking like bruises. Just look at the ones you already left."
"Mhm," he hums, already leaving another one on your shoulder blade, releasing your skin with a wet smack of his lips. He rubs his spit into the mark like it's some sort of salve that'll make it last longer.
"I'm fine with these," you say, looking at all the one's he left on your chest and below. "but my neck... i'm running out of makeup, baby. I won't be able to cover them if you keep this up."
"Then don't." He would just love that. Despite how nonchalant he sounds about it, it's a highly recommended suggestion. He would genuinely love it if you walked around with his marks all over your neck. People will automatically know that you already have someone you get freaky with.
"I have to go to work sometime. I wouldn't be able to take having my neck stared at by everyone I talk to. No more neck hickeys."
He nears your neck, again. The second you say he can't put another mark on it, he spots a clear area and leans in, lightly pressing his lips against it.
"Tojiii," you whine, leaning forward, away from him. "Leave it alone."
"But, it's clear. It's lonely without being marked like the rest of your neck." He scoots forward again, putting his enormous hands on your waist to pull you close. "I'll be quick. Just-"
"Mm-mm. No," you interrupt, brushing his hands off of you.
"I might just die if you don't let me do this, ma."
"Really?" You raise your brows in disbelief.
"Really," he responds, so confidently.
You scoff. "You're so dramatic. You won't die if you don't get to suck on my neck."
"Who knows? I might spontaneously collapse because of it. Weirder, more unexplainable things have happened."
He's so dumb sometimes. Your hunk is absolutely ridiculous, and yet you find yourself weighing towards his point in this.
"Would marking up that blank space actually cure you?" You feel as silly as him for asking the question.
"Who's to say?"
You tilt your head and deadpan. "Right. I guess i'll take my chances and just keep the random patch of unmarked skin on my neck."
"Hey, that doesn't mean we can't try. Come on, now."
You groan and roll your eyes before making your way back to him. He cups your cheeks, smirking as he looks into your eyes, before turning your head to expose the blank area on your neck.
"It's a reaaally good spot, doll. I think i'm gonna make it."
You huff, unable to look at him because of the way your head is turned. You feel his tongue slide over your neck, the gesture transitioning to his lips kissing the area and then it feels sharp. His lips leave a stinging sensation with every second that they stay on you.
"Ow, fuck, you vampire. It feels like you're actually trying to suck the blood out of me." You wince. "Are you done?"
"Yeah, yeah. I'm done." He admires his masterpiece and smirks with pride. You have an entire collar of hickeys that he put on you, and the newest one looks mean.
"You look pretty. Could eat you up, mama." He swipes at the new mark with his thumb, looking at the color that will remain on your skin for the next few days.
"I can tell. You already devoured me. You're insane. Just look at all of this," you say, running your hand over your kiss stained neck.
"I was just nibbling on you," he speaks, into your jaw, before smoothly laying you down, onto the bed. "Just wanted a little taste," he says, taking your hands in his and pinning them above your head. "Am I really insane for that?"
"Um..." you laugh, making your flustered state obvious. "Yes?"
"Damn." He gives you a long, deep kiss, that makes you forget what you were talking about. "You think i'm crazy?" You hum, and he does it again.
"Haven't you played with me enough? I feel like i'm some chew toy for you." You giggle, feeling his lips on your cheek, trailing towards your jaw.
He hums, dismissively. "Found more blank space."
4K notes · View notes