#and i still have a pretty good working knowledge of the sport at least. enough to write about it without doing piles and piles of research

[fingertipsmp3]

I am so dense sometimes. I was thinking about how I want to write a novel that has the same vibes as a sports manga and I was like “but what sport should I use though 🧐 I don’t know anything about any sports” and then a few seconds later I was like “girl what are you talking about. You’re literally obsessed with tennis”

[mdhwrites]

Thought you might want to know, but all of Season 2A was written without knowledge of the shortening. Dana Terrace says this at the 16 minute mark of the April 28th Post Hoot.

Thank you! It's neat to know and kind of the assumption I'd had for a long time. In production and being written should be two different phases for a show after all. For the Amphibia outline I did earlier today, it'd mean losing an episode which.... *sigh* But yeah, I've effectively always treated it mostly like S2A was unaffected by the shortening and there are some plotlines I'm sympathetic about with that... But not by much.

Again, I've gone harder into this in the past but S2B had to mostly be the way it was for the sake of S3, full or shortened, unless S3 was DRASTICALLY different than what we got. Hunter needed to be an ally enough to go with them all into the portal so Sport in a Storm, Hollow Mind and Labyrinth Runners would have still happened. You do need to explore Belos and prepare for King's Tide with him so Hollow Mind bare minimum still needs to exist but also for Luz's angst arc, Elsewhere Elsewhen needs to exist. King being a titan needs to be confirmed so Edge of the World needs to exist. We also need to make King the most patient, kind, wisest person to exist so Titan, Where Art Thou needs to happen. And Clouds on the Horizon leads directly into the finale so while a lot of the A plot of that episode is pretty wasteful and lacks payoffs, you definitely still need to include it for where everyone is for the finale unless you alter the finale a lot. And Falls and Follies is a good recap of position and sets the stakes for Raine but... It'd pretty questionable too.

This makes the only episodes who's main plots could really be altered to a drastic degree be:

Reaching Out: Amity's relationship with her father barely pays off and frankly it'd have been almost just as jarring to have King do his conversation during Clouds on the Horizon even without this episode. Otherwise, it shoots the worldbuilding in the head and harms Lumity for the sake of double daddy issues. You also have the confirmation for Eda that The Day of Unity is bad news but no one who lives at The Owl House does anything with that. So let's of setup for effectively no payoff.

Them's the Breaks: I hate that I cannot justify this episode because it is EASILY the most of S2B but... It damages Raine's character, only really shows a potential reason why Eda gave up on the covens but the only story part is the last two minutes. You could have done ANYTHING else, like I dunno, an episode actually about Darius and Hunter/the rebel coven heads, and ended it with the Raine reveal.

That is two episodes. The fact that there are two episodes even is... OOPH, especially when Reaching Out at least has arguments but Them's the Breaks is just Dana gushing about the fanfic she wants to write for her own series. The fact that there are only two, with maybe being able to cut one of Hunter's episodes for his arc, is not good. Not unless the Day of Unity wasn't supposed to be the S2 finale.

And if it wasn't... What the fuck was the original plan?

This is a lot of why I talk about not wanting three seasons. It wanted WAY MORE. I think Dana assumed it'd be so popular and big as to have five or more. There are PLENTY of issues with that conceptually (again, S3 could never have been great) but it is the vibe the story gives. It is too redundant and too slow to be otherwise. TOH's biggest argument against being claimed as having a lot of filler is mostly in that a lot of episodes get a LITTLE done in way or another but it takes very few leaps. When it could do that, actually have a big payoff and move along, it cuts it off at the knees for the sake of 'realism'. This happened with Willow... and also fucking happened with ALADOR. IN SEASON 2B. WHY!? Why would you make a plot point specifically say more work and time will be needed when you DON'T HAVE TIME!?

Even S3 has this. In a season with THREE. EPISODES. Luz has THREE finishes to her arc. In Thanks to Them, she gets reassured by quite literally everyone that she did nothing wrong and should feel confident about her choices before she confidently prepares to head into the demon realm! Then... In show it's like five, ten minutes tops when Luz is self hating and self martyring herself again until the end of the episode has her confidently state that she wants to be understood! And with her friends and new palisman by her side, she will face the Collector!

Only to start the next episode with a dream sequence where she believes everyone fucking hates her, doesn't understand her and that she deserves to be hated. This only gets resolved when the FUCKING GOD of the show tells her she's A-Okay and she has nothing to fear. She's just too gosh darn good in order to have any reason to every doubt herself!

I'm not going to even ask why this happened. I can actually tell you mostly why because Luz is the only character besides Hunter with any character payoffs left to do. So if you want each episode to have a big character moment, Hunter can only replace one of those. They still tried to have Willow do one anyways by dredging up something that hadn't been a thing for TWO. SEASONS. But Luz was still given three different endings.

No, the bigger question to me just fucking HOW!? this sort of thing happens. This has fuck all to do with the shortening after all. Wasted time at this point, moments that mean literally and do nothing, are their choice. They are still the writers who decided to waste all this time despite claiming how much they wanted more time.

It makes it look like any potential S3 would have just been... Well, more of this. More repetition that dilutes its themes and doesn't really go anywhere. After all, if they couldn't fill three hours with actual story and pushing forward the narrative and themes... Why should we assume eight hours would have been suddenly so much better?

I didn't mean to go so hard on this. Sigh. But yeah, there's a lot of reasons why the shortening is not the excuse that people think it is. Why it honestly feels so much like a blessing to the show because people just have this go to statement to try and shut people or shut their own brains up from any issues they might have, even if those issues are self contained to a single episode.

TOH was never perfect and has flaws that run incredibly deep and start early on. No excuse will ever change those facts.

======+++++======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[eldritch-spouse]

So we know that patches wishes to be separated with stitches/his dullahan self, so i wonder, would stitches still be interested in patches/their obession? and if so could we have a threesome with them pretty please with a cherry on top 😩

[Realistically yes, both would. Fem reader.]

TW: Breath play.

A lot has changed in the world, and in very little time at that.

You should have listened to your captor-turned-tentative-boyfriend when he told you to keep your mind open these upcoming times, that a lot of what you knew about reality was about to be challenged and he wouldn't let you enter lunacy because of it. But finding out all religions are lies, knowing there are two gods currently on Earth, that one of them has employed Patches all this time- That they have children-

It's enough to shell shock you for a couple of days. But apparently, the surprises aren't over.

Oh no they aren't.

When the magic caster had deemed you mentally stable enough, he approached you calmly and said, almost apologetically, that there would be just one more change- Regarding himself this time. He must have seen the color drain from your face, because a stuttering fit ensued and he assured you that it would be for the best. You sure fucking hope so, because you have never been so stressed before, sitting on the couch with a tea mug in hand, watching a comfort movie to keep your mind off things.

Patches has been gone the whole day. He works mostly at night, so you're not used to spending mornings and early evenings on your own. It's almost uncanny. As hard as you try to focus on the actors' lines, the scenes you've seen a hundred times by now, some little bit of you is wondering wildly what could be the change Patches will undergo.

Maybe he'll ask for a different head? No, it couldn't be that, he can manage such a simple thing on his own. A radical change in appearance maybe. More humanoid? Or outlandishly bizarre, a beast of eight arms, three heads and yeah okay let's not go down that road- Maybe he wants something else more secretive, knowledge he has no business sticking his gourd head in. Yes, that sounds like him. You just hope he doesn't come home a completely different person, it would shatter you. Through all these rapid-fire changes in the world, Patches has been something of a lifeline for your sanity, an anchor of consistency, a pillar. Losing him would be crushing in a suffocating way. Your heart races alarmingly at the thought, and you gulp another mouthful of hot tea.

Calm down. He said it'd be good.

Right as you're about to get some shuteye, the quiet noise of the front door's lock clicking open jolts you, the mug between your hands nearly toppling over to make a mess of the carpet. You're more awake than you've ever been in a record amount of time, adrenaline thundering through your veins at the sound of footsteps.

Two monsters walk into the living room.

And the mug drops from your hands. At least it didn't shatter.

Two Patches... Two- Did he seriously ask for a clone of himself?!

You sit, slack-jawed, glancing at the two people standing side by side. They look like siblings, oddly enough. One of them looks exactly like the Patches you're used to, purple garb, loose white shirt, big hat, that rounded mouth and those pretty pinprick eyes. The other, albeit sporting the exact same body type, dons much more ragged coat, a scarf, no hat or gloves- He has the exact same look on his face Patches does when he's having a fit, all sharpness and mischief, sockets a void-like shape. They stand before you, studying you as intensely as you study them, one looks stressed, the other is tapping his foot giddily. You have no words, every time you try to say anything, your throat just closes up and you freeze, wary. Which one of them is your Patches? What does this imply? What are you going to do now?!

" Patches? " You simply ask, looking between the two and suddenly feeling very unsafe.

" D-Don't worry, everything's okay, but I need you to listen- " The one with the hat starts, tone gentle, though gets interrupted when his lookalike takes steady steps in your direction, instantly jolting you to stand up tensely.

Fortunately, he's grabbed around the arm by the first, the two exchanging terse looks. " Stay still, will you?! This is serious, you can't just frighten her. " The trapped one stomps and wrings his arm free, making a dismissive motion as if to tell the other Patches to bugger off.

" What the fuck is happening? "

" Firefly, I swear it'll all make sense, just let me explain. " He pleads, and you feel compelled to at least hear him out, nodding silently. " ... I need you to promise not to be mad at me. "

You squint, arms crossed. " Yeah no, I can't promise you that. " The one who's been silent all this time makes a noise like a wispy snicker.

Patches sighs. " Do you remember those times when I... Got into fits? "

" Yes? "

" Right. " He visibly cringes. " So, that wasn't exactly me. "

" Excuse you? " You don't like where this is going.

" B- Basically, I uhm... I split into two, when I died. We're both Patches I guess, but we've been trapped together for all this time. " He tries, struggling to find the right words.

A pregnant pause unfolds, your gaze drops in thought. Two different people, previously in one body. Two people you've been interacting with all this time, under the assumption they were one and the same. Two people- Oh God, two people you've fucked. This is so beyond the threshold of normalcy, of common fucking decency, you can't believe you've been lied to all this time. Tricked! All because he didn't have the guts to tell you, because he's a coward.

" Are you fucking serious right now?! " You start, with a fire you don't even think twice about.

The talkative one hunches. " I- I know, I'm- "

" There's been two of you this whole time?! I have two boyfriends- You BOTH had sex with me and I didn't even know! " It's mind-boggling. Watching the hatless one bend to grasp his knees, shaking in mute laughter, only incenses you further. " What are you laughing at, do I look like a fucking clown to you?! " He wheezes soundlessly and you rattle like an overheated kettle.

The one in a coat is kicked repeatedly by his counterpart, who offers you a pathetic smile. " P- Please moonlight, I know how you must be feeling... " A vein nearly bursts in your forehead at the nerve. " But can we focus on the present, please? " He waits for a moment, probably wondering if you're going to try and maim either of them. " To make things easier, you can call me Patches, he's Stitches. "

You're momentarily distracted by how much that makes them sound like a pair of plushies. Patches and Stitches, names much too innocent for this dullahan duo. At least it does solve the naming issue, he's right.

" I'm not... I'm pissed at you. Both of you. " And deep down, you know you should be more irate about this.

After all, it's such a monumental breach of trust. Sure, the two acted differently even within the same body, but both of them responded to the same name! They made no attempts to state being separate people at all. You've been played for a total fool all this time.

" We- We get it, we really do firefly, and we're sorry. " Patches tries to smooth the situation down, yet his counterpart consistently ruins any progress by making strides towards you.

Instinct tells you to put distance between you two, even if, realistically, you've embraced this monster many times before. He titters silently again at your antics, and a very brief game of cat and mouse is cut off when he grabs you by the middle, arms trapped behind his. They're strong for being such twinks, something you already know. A pumpkin head leans onto your shoulder and you huff.

Patches sighs. " Maybe... We could, w-well, make it up to you? "

Time freezes for a second there. " Make it up to me. " You parrot skeptically, still in Stitches' hold.

His lips wobble in a familiar motion and he won't meet your eyes, nodding. " Yeah. "

The meat of your ass is groped by a strayed hand and you immediately grasp where this is going. " Are you serious? " You growl to the one holding you, but all he does is nod mischievously.

Still grabbing you, the monster makes a sharp pulling motion, sending you two falling with a startled scream. You land on top of him, and he lands on the couch, adjusting quickly so you're on his lap. Bastard! Before you can bark anything at Stitches, Patches climbs on as well, leaving you trapped between the two. Not that you're making any real attempt to get free.

Stitches starts grinding against you immediately, predictably, you can feel him harden quickly. Patches smiles softly as he fiddles with your casual home clothes, removing your shirt and aiming for your sweatpants. " Of course this is the first thing you want to do the moment you're apart. " You roll your eyes. " Pervert, bet you've been thinking about it for long. "

You expect Patches to pipe down, perhaps nod and make a horny little noise at the insult, but he surprises you by simply staring into your eyes. " ... Haven't you? "

You blink back at him.

Stitches whistles teasingly, discarding your bra more roughly than you'd like. Maybe, at some point, you might have had thoughts of a similar nature- But never did you think they'd have any basis in reality! You have no response for the taunt and it shows on your overheated face.

Your hips are lifted so Patches can remove your bottoms, eyeing your pussy as he gently spreads your legs. He usually doesn't get to have you in submissive positions like this, so you can't blame him for ogling. Stitches shifts beneath you, struggling some before he's able to free his cock.

It slaps onto your cunt, his greedy hands rubbing over your warm skin before cupping your tits, playing around with them. They have the same exact body type, so it only takes a quick glance down to confirm that their lengths are likely identical.

" Don't hog her. " Patches warns his double, pushing his own clothes aside to free himself.

Stitches mouths something back, and although you can't see his face from this angle, or read lips all that well, Patches clearly understands it was something offensive. The dullahan adjusts, grinding his dick across your entrance and ripping a shuddered moan out of you. It only seems to sting Patches' jealousy more, because he's grabbing your head and forcing a kiss between you- As if to eat that noise, claim it for himself.

Stitches continues to rock himself against you, every drag of his tip on your clit getting you wetter. When Patches moans against your mouth, you know he's wrapped a hand around himself, peeling back to watch the show. In a way, it's sort of like watching himself fuck you from an outside perspective. If you were in his shoes, you'd find it extremely bizarre, but it doesn't surprise you he'd get turned on by it.

Green hands drift from your inner thighs to your womanhood, parting your lips and lining Stitches with your hole. He's panting just watching it happen, groaning like he's the one sinking into your hot cunt, when it's his more rambunctious counterpart. You gasp and whine, wet but still a bit unprepared for the stretch, taking Stitches to the root only after a couple of encouraging rolls.

" Fffuck... " Patches murmurs, stroking himself faster the moment Stitches takes over to set a mild pace, deep but hard thrusts making you clip out moans.

" Is- Hhn- Are you technically getting cucked by yourself right now? " You joke, feeling Stitches shake behind you in what you know is a soundless belly laugh, pistons stuttering.

" I don't like how much I'm into this... " Patches admits, something you've heard from him a couple of times into your oftentimes rocky relationship.

" Liar. " You jab, more of a tease than a heartfelt comment. " Hey- Ah- Make yourself useful, no? " Lidded eyes drift from his face to the place where you and Stitches join, beckoning the other to do something about it.

Much to your delight, he flushes a deep emerald and lowers a thumb to your clitoris, quickly rubbing a couple of circular motions before giving up any type of pride and removing his head so he can hold it up to the action. A summoned tongue laves from Stitches' underside up to your button, swirling it there as his face deforms and he does his best to suck at the little bundle of nerves.

The combined stimulus has you bucking, eyes rolling slightly as you struggle between wanting to grind onto Patches' slimy tongue or fuck yourself deeper onto Stitches' cock. He speeds up beneath you and all higher thoughts seep out your body, broken moans filling the room.

At some point, a sneaky hand coils itself around your neck, a firm, shudder-inducing hold slowly starting to constrict the faster your pussy is pounded. Patches looks up at you just in time to see tears prick your eyes from oxygen deprivation, too breathless to moan but tightening hard enough around Stitches' cock that he throbs and makes wispy groans.

You're sure you're drooling, but it doesn't matter, as every sensation only heightens in your body's state of relative panic. Thighs shaking, goosebumps covering your body, it only takes a couple of well-timed fucks for you to toss your head back and cough in a sudden orgasmic wave, fingers spasming aimlessly. Stitches releases his vise grip of your throat to hear your desperate wheezing turn into ragged whines, clawing at your thighs as he follows you over the edge, trembling. Patches only stops licking at you when your pants become overstimulated winces and his double's cum is oozing out around you two.

The dullahan in front of you slots his gourd head back onto his neck, watching you sag onto Stitches. His expression becomes a little more serious when he sees the state of your own neck, smoothing soft fingertips across it. " If you're this careless with her again, I'll burn you to a crisp. " Patches seethes.

" N- No, it's fine. " It's your turn to stutter. " I liked it. "

His sockets widen. " A-Ah, really? " The magic caster looks positively delighted by the news that maybe, you and him might have a similar desire for pain. Though you wouldn't go to the same lengths he does.

Stitches interrupts the moment by roughly shoving at Patches' shoulders. The mute monster points insistently at the other end of the couch and Patches climbs back on after a glare. Your sweaty body is quickly dumped onto Patches, receiving a quick slap to the ass before you're arranged to straddle his lap.

Stitches grabs Patches' neglected girth and positions him properly before nudging you to sink onto him. The two of you shudder when Patches slips in easily, pussy having already had a workout. You can feel Stitches' load spilling further and don't need any encouragement to start lazily riding the dullahan looking lovingly up at you.

Dirty fingers prod at your lips, you part them without thinking, making eye contact with Patches as you dutifully clean the seed off Stitches' digits. He cackles silently, Patches huffs needily, and you giggle.

Okay, fine, you'll admit having two of him isn't so bad after all...

[mirabai0821]

Blood and Honey WIP # IDK my BFF Jill?

Pairings: Tav x Halsin x Astarion Warnings: none Words: 666 (neat!) Summary: Astarion has reservations about using Halsin as an alternate bloodbag. Halsin uses a dirty trick to convince him otherwise.

“Is my blood repulsive somehow?” Halsin teased.

Astarions scoffed. “Blood is blood, even blood from the meanest creature with a circulatory system is glorious compared to mortal food. Though I do miss the simple pleasure of a good steak No. It’s not that. With thinking creatures it’s…easier when I know the other party is getting something out of it.”

Astarion uncharacteristically fidgeted as he answered.

Halsin considered his words carefully. Even now, allied in their common love for Tav, Astarion still kept him at arm’s length. Halsin knew better than to force camaraderie and was content to let the vampire say as much or as little as he liked, which was always as little as possible. He knew that talking this much, this plainly with him took a lot. “What does Tav get out of it then?”

“It’s difficult to say. I don’t know if she’s ever told you much about her past.”

Halsin shook his head.

“Figured as much, it's the same for the rest of us. What we know of her is what she’s shown us so far. Her bravery, her selflessness, her amusing inability to hold her liquor, her strange inability to sing despite being a bard, or her equally strange inability to fight to save her life.”

“But after 200 years of hunting mortals for someone else’s sport, I know her type. She’s indeed a rose as you’re so fond of calling her, one of those exotic, temperamental ones that die if you look at them funny.” Halsin quirked an eyebrow, wracking his considerable knowledge of plants for a rose that behaved thus. Astarion saw his puzzled look and gave him a gently mocking stare as if to say, “It’s a figure of speech, work with me here please.”

“She’s someone who knows just how amazing they are but doesn’t understand why nobody else seems to notice. She won’t, has never, compromised herself even though the loneliness that plagues her is so unbearable. Even though she knows if she was just a little bit different, a little bit less, she could have everything she wants. 

“Once the fear went away, I could see the longing in her eyes that first bite.”

“I see,” Halsin said wisely, softly. “You get to feed, she gets to pretend it’s the embrace of a lover.”

“Precisely. Though I guess she needn’t pretend anymore,” the vampire said fondly, touching a knuckle to her scarred cheek. It really did look like tree branches, or the thorny vines of a rosebush. They made her beautiful, even more than when her flesh was unmarred for the simple fact those scars meant was alive, alive, alive. 

“Which brings me to you,” Astarion continued. “You once scolded me for ‘taking too much’.”

“Astarion, that was…” Halsin sputtered, ashamed that his words, spoken in cruelty, had a lingering sting. But Astarion raised his hands asking gently for silence. 

“I knew what you meant then, darling. And you were right, I did. I don’t want to do that anymore. Take, I mean. Well… at least not from her anyway, or you now, I guess.”

Halsin thought on this deeply, touched by the consideration. “I respect your reasons, Astarion, and will offer no more protestations but…if I may offer a final argument. You are mistaken in that I don’t ‘get’ anything out of this. Even if we weren’t tied in our bonds with Tav, you are a friend, and helping a friend is reward enough for me.”

“Then you have an extremely permissive definition of ‘helping,’ bear.”

“If you hadn’t noticed, I have a pretty permissive definition for most things sometimes to my detriment," Halsin chuckled. “But if the bonds of friendship are not enough to sway you, consider this: Safety issues aside, it would not do for you to be away when she wakes.”

Halsin grinned, keenly aware of what invoking Tav would do to the younger elf.

“Oh you’re a bastard for that one.”

Halsin took another puff of his pipe, smiling serenely.

[masonshaws]

FANTASY HOCKEY FOR TUMBLRINAS: A GUIDE

been curious about fantasy but have no idea how it works? and whatever guides google deigns to give you are not helping? do you live in canada or minnesota and have your coworkers managed to press-gang you into their fantasy hockey league and you don’t want to embarrass yourself? welcome! i have one whole season of fantasy hockey experience and managed to get second place in my league so i’m probably qualified to take you through this. strap in and hopefully this isn’t incoherent because i have extremely limited visual aids available!

PART 1: HOW IT WORKS

first, the two major fantasy sites are going to be yahoo fantasy and espn fantasy. which you use is probably determined by which one your league commissioner (person who made your league) likes better. disclaimer: basically all of my experience is with yahoo fantasy.

so before we get to talking about the draft - the first thing you do in your fantasy sports journey - let’s talk about what you’re drafting your favorite little hockey men for.

the goal of fantasy hockey is to win either head-to-head matchups or your group as a whole (depending on the settings of your league, to my knowledge head-to-head is more common) in individual stat categories that fall into two groups - skater stats and goalie stats. for instance, if all your skaters got more goals over the course of a week than your opponent’s skaters, you would win the point in that category. if your opponent’s goalies had a better average save percentage than your goalies, they would get the point in that category.

all stats are cumulative across your entire roster, for the record. even save percentage and goals allowed average for goalies, which are averaged out, use every goaltender appearance.

if your win-loss record is good enough (for some leagues, each category separately counts towards your record - for example if your league has 11 categories and you win 6, lose 4, and draw 1, your record is 6-4-1, not 1-0 - and for other leagues, each stat adds to a cumulative point total in different weights, i.e. goals worth 1, assists worth .5, etc., and whoever's total is higher wins), towards the end of the season you make your league’s playoffs, where you duke it out for the title.

there are two commonly-used sets of skater stats, which have become the ways people define fantasy hockey leagues as a whole: points leagues and “bangers” leagues.

points leagues use, as you can imagine, different points categories for skaters. the most common set of these is goals, assists, and power play points. potentially plus or minus shorthanded points depending on your league. bangers leagues, on the other hand, usually use those three stats plus shots on goal, hits, and blocked shots. this makes player selection more multifaceted and interesting and shifts the balance of who has more value in a given league. brady tkachuk is maybe the exemplar of a player who gains a ton of value in bangers leagues due to him having good points totals while also putting up a lot of value in those banger stats. i had esa lindell in my team last season, who put up a whole 24 points, none of them on the power play, but was still valuable to me because he had a lot of hits and blocked shots and helped me win those categories on a pretty regular basis.

you may be looking furiously on normal websites to figure out a player’s banger stats. you will not find them. ask me how i know this. your most reliable source of player stats is going to be the fantasy websites themselves, and you can look through player databases without having a team. yahoo, at least, even lets you do mock drafts, if you want to get cozy with the ui and the experience before you do it for realsies.

(a sample of what a fantasy stats page might look like. this particular one is displaying player stats from last season. if unfamiliar with stat abbreviations, in order, they are: games played, goals, assists, power play points, shorthanded points, shots on goal, hits, blocked shots.)

(same as above, but for goalies. stats in order: games started, wins, goals allowed, saves, shutouts, overtime losses.)

goalie stats are usually wins, goals allowed average, saves, and shutouts. plus or minus save percentage or overtime losses, depending on your site and settings. these are all pretty straightforward, with the small wrinkle of “do you take a better goalie on a worse team knowing he’ll win less but have better other stats” vs “do you take a more average goalie on a better team knowing he’ll be better supported by his system which might help his stats and definitely get him more wins”.

PART 2: THE DRAFT

now that you know what you’re looking for, let’s talk about the draft.

most fantasy drafts are “snake drafts”, meaning the pick order flips every round, in interest of fairness. while most pro sports drafts are the same order every round (1→16, 1→16, 1→16, etc.), they have history to fall back on. poor teams need better players to build around, while better teams already have those players. but in the average fantasy league, everyone is starting from zero. so the order goes 1→16, 16→1, 1→16, etc. for as many rounds as your draft goes. the person who picked last in the first round gets to pick first in the second round, and so on.

what you’re looking for here is highly dependent on your team settings. does your league just distinguish forwards from defense from goalies? or does forward position matter? (if it does, know a player is not locked into a spot once you use him there - he can play any of his listed positions at any given time, whether or not he actually plays that spot in the lineup. for instance, joe pavelski is listed as both a center and right wing - despite the fact he rarely plays center, you can deploy him there on any given night. or you could deploy him at right wing, if that’s where your opening is.)

i’m going to take you through this with the settings used by my last league.

in my league, you had 16 guys on your roster. 2C, 2LW, 2RW, 4D, 2G, and 4 guys on the bench (who, if they played that day, their stats would not be added to any of your totals, although this was rarely an issue). so on my team, i usually had 8 forwards, with at least 3 people able to play each position, 5 defensemen, and 3 goalies. your league might have a bigger roster, it might not have a bench, it might not care about where forwards play as long as they’re forwards, and this all influences the spread of who you draft and when. if your league calls for - in the case of espn’s default league settings - 9 forwards, 5 defensemen, 1 utility player (put another way, any skater), 2 goalies, and 5 guys on the bench, well, you probably take 12 or 13 forwards, 7 or 8 defensemen, and 3 goalies, and it’s on you how you prioritize the order of that.

really, the important parts of the draft are the first few rounds, when you pick the really high-end guys. later-round players are easier to swap out for each other - which you can do! any guy not drafted is considered a free agent, and if you draft a guy who’s underperforming, you can swap him out for an undrafted guy who’s doing better. so don’t sweat the later rounds too much beyond what roles you need to fill. you can let your fantasy site’s ranking board help you out there.

lightning round q&a:

when do you pick a goalie? generally people go the same way nhl teams do in the entry draft - probably not in the first round unless he’s a really sure thing to an extent that he’s more valuable than whatever top skaters are still there.

can you run with just 2 goalies? if you are extremely confident that your 2 goalies combined can match the output of other teams going with 3 goalies. if you have a vasilevskiy or a sorokin or the type of goalie who is a clear starter and plays at a high level for those starts and your other goalie is giving good starts, then yeah maybe you can run with 2. i did for a bit. take the third goalie though, it’ll make your life so much less stressful, especially if your league has a minimum amount of goalie appearances requirement (mine did - your goalies had to make 3 appearances a week for their stats to count at all).

when do banger stats become more valuable than points? i wish i had a clear answer for that. you just gotta feel it out, man. broadly, when a player’s point total starts to get into average territory, then probably start really looking for those banger stats to maximize value. but if a guy has notable banger stats then maybe you take him before point totals get average. no good answer to this one, sorry

is there any reason for mcdavid not to be 1oa, even in bangers? no, and anyone who tries otherwise is being contrarian for the sake of it. if you luck out getting 1oa just take mcdavid. come on.

if you pick last in the first round, are you boned? well i picked last and got second place, so no you are not :)

when do you make a “reach” pick? as you’re drafting, you’ll have a list of players ranked by the site in front of you. use that to help but not as a bible. you reach when you think someone will take a player before you get to pick again, and the difference between that player and the next player on your list is worth the risk.

idk if people have more questions i can make another post or something. maybe you don’t have any of these questions. i hope it was useful anyways

PART 3: FANTASYING

here’s the meat-and-potatoes nitty-gritty of it all. here’s a very retro view of what your team hub might look like - note the ui absolutely does not look like this anymore:

you can actually see on here what i was talking about earlier with that “guys who play multiple positions can be used in either/any” thing. malkin is listed as both a center and a right wing, and is deployed as a center here, but if, say, this person wanted to bring in derek roy but still use malkin, he could put roy in malkin’s center spot and move malkin to bump selanne or jagr to the bench.

good news! i did manage to find someone’s screenshot with something similar to current app ui:

player stats for the week would be under where it says no game, but you can actually see the ir+ spot in use and what the general layout looks like. actually, speaking of ir-

let’s talk about ir real quick. and this bit is all based on yahoo fantasy, so if espn does this different, i’m sorry and you’re on your own

so! if your team has a dedicated ir+ spot, you can put any guy who is officially listed as out (O, as keller is above), injured reserve (IR), or long-term injured reserve (LTIR) there, and he will not count against your roster total. you have a limited amount of these spots, so probably don’t get landeskog, confirmed to be missing the whole season, and stick him on there, although you can and it won’t affect your main team at all. it would only be a problem if with him you have more injured guys than there are ir+ spots. with this, you could even draft a guy starting the season injured, like a brandon montour, stick him on an ir+ spot, and get a fill-in guy out of free agency afterwards (since you’ll only be drafting enough players to field a team without any injuries), if you think that when he’s healthy, he’ll boost your team enough to be worth missing out on a player of the caliber of where you drafted him. so if a player on your team gets injured and you have ir+ spots, use them! pull a guy out of free agency to take the injured player’s spot and go about your merry business knowing you can still field a full team.

anyways - as before, only the players off the bench (in the white spaces on this ui) count towards your totals. so, and i cannot stress this enough, MAKE SURE YOUR PLAYING PLAYERS ARE ACTUALLY PLAYING AND ADDING TO YOUR STAT TOTALS. much heartbreak has been had by people who have forgotten to do this. yahoo has a fun little button that will automatically do this for you, but only for the week, so keep up with that, too. (for purposes of fantasy, weeks start on mondays btw.) it might also not always start the people you want starting if there’s more guys playing that night than there are spots on your starting roster, so watch for that, too. like if you have 4 defense spots and you have 5 defensemen playing that night, decide which one’s stats you’re most okay with missing out on. players only lock in once their game time comes around, so you do usually have the entire day to decide. you might be influenced by where your matchups are standing - if you’re definitely losing your assists matchup, but your hits matchup is close, you might sit your points-producing defenseman in favor of your big hitter. stuff like that.

and that’s actually pretty much it! even playoffs work the same way. once you’ve got your team, the day-to-day of fantasy is pretty simple. make sure your players are playing, adjust your team with free agents if necessary, conveniently ignore trade requests if they suck (as far as i can tell trading is more prolific in irl fantasy groups where people know each other better, we had like no trades in my online league of strangers last season), root on some guys you’ve never heard of before because you need them, and have fun!

[lloydfrontera]

is suho still called lloyd in the sequel after all it should have been revealed that he is different from lloyd, or do the people accept this random stranger as the queen's husband? heck arcos and marbella knows he isn't lloyd and even collected lloyd's stuff, will they still call him lloyd?

also ive wonder this they have mana right? and it's used for magic right? how come javier doesn't do magic? like he could definitely be a genius magician too? and if combined as a grandmaster with magic then that would be powerful?

heck if his descendants know magic them they'll be able to find a replacement for the asrahan technique, maybe another legacy of theirs and maybe do something about their lifespan

good question nonnie! at first i believed he'd started to go by suho and only his immediate family and friends knew about him being lloyd too. but apparently not!

i can't remember the precise chapter right now, but rakiel knows that lloyd frontera is his ancestor. so that means it's, if not public knowledge, at least known to the royal family. or public enough for rakiel to know about it through the demon sword emperor novel which is presumably told mostly from damian's pov.

and i mean who's gonna tell alicia anything if she wants to marry a nobody lol

in ch 402 some do correct themselves and call him kim suho, like berkis' sister and alicia, but most keep calling him lloyd.

javier certainly does. even in ch 406 he still calls him 'lloyd-nim' both in his thoughts and out loud when talking directly to him. he also calls him lloyd in the sequel.

and most importantly, lloyd keeps calling himself lloyd. in ch 406 we switch to his pov and he never calls himself suho, it is always lloyd. and again, he still goes by that in cpsm.

so he probably never stopped using the name and everyone just accepted it. i mean. it's not the weirdest thing that's happened after all.

alas we don't know how arcos and marbella call him because 1. their conversation in ch 402 is very short (grrr) and 2. when they call out to him they call him 'my son' which is very cute i will admit but not very helpful. julian just calls him hyung tho.

also ive wonder this they have mana right? and it's used for magic right? how come javier doesn't do magic? like he could definitely be a genius magician too? and if combined as a grandmaster with magic then that would be powerful?

magic is weird in tged! i don't know how it works! it does seem to be something that can be learned tho? there are not a lot of mages or wizards either in tged or cpsm, but the ones that exist always mention studying for it, so i suppose it's something that can be studied and trained for.

so i guess it should be possible?? javier could learn magic if he wanted. but why would he? he's already talented with the sword, he's the most powerful human on the world and one of the most powerful beings in existence period. he doesn't really need to y'know?

as for why his descendants didn't learn magic... again, they're already talented with swordsmanship. they shouldn't need to learn magic. why should they give up their rightful legacy just because an asshole decided they couldn't be trusted.

and even tho both magic and swordsmanship use mana, i think they would still be pretty different fields of expertise.

is a bit like telling someone who is talented at swimming they should also learn gymnastics. sure, they're both sports, they both use muscles, they may even overlap in certain aspects,,, but they're not the same. and being talented in one thing doesn't guarantee they'll also be talented in another.

i mean javier would. cause he's that perfect. he'd probably become the best mage in the world. but he doesn't need to cause he's already massively overpowered ajkshdksf

[rebelbyrdie]

David Nolan HeadCanons

Previously:

"As the most basic pretty white cishet man in Maine, David also got: Random WWII and American Civil War knowledge, almost encyclopedic recall of the NBA, NHL, MLB from 1986 to 2002, and a nostalgic love of Louie L'Amour Westerns."

@cpark1899But why no knowledge of the NFL (football)?!? The Patriots Dynasty!! @rebelbyrdie 🤣

A Non-Exhaustive Explanation of my take on David Nolan. Also some history/literacy nerd stuff.

I only use Seasons 1 and 2 of OUaT for canon reference...because after that it is a disaster.

David was a Mama's Boy and a Farm Boy. He was also very poor. The chances of him being literate are slim-to-none. His mother was most certainly illiterate. He would have learned culture, religion, history, and everything else by listening to others. He and his mother would have both worked from sunrise to sunset to make ends meet. They were serfs. They didn't have money for books, nor time to devote to reading.

When he became Prince James, he may have been given reading lessons (or at least taught to sign James' name) This is not certain though, because Royals and Nobles didn't nessecarily need to read. They had people to read for them. Literacy was definitly higher in the Noble and Royal ranks, but not a given. Aditionally, he was being tutored in a ton of other things to be James, so reading may have gone to the wayside.

So, in my mind he was functionally illiterate. Now since he was married to an educated royal, he may have been embarrassed by this. However, since there was a war and enemies on all sides, I doubt it was a priority.

The Curse.

As far as we can tell, Regina had partial control of some details of the curse. The extent of her control and choice is debatable. What we do know is that it integrated the people into 1984 Maine, USA.

David is a bit of an outlier curse-wise, but here are some Storybrooke headcanons that I have for him.

He played sports as a child. Pee-wee hockey, basketball, and baseball. He played baseball and was a very good first baseman and batter. He always had second-hand equipment and had to keep a paper-route to pay for his uniforms, fees and gear. He could have gotten a baseball scholarship to the University of Maine, but he had to stay home and help keep his family farm going when his father died.

His mother died shortly before his "marriage" to Kathryn.

He and Kathryn (Softball 1st base) dated on-and-off during high school. They broke it off when she "left for college" and he did not.

Within the "history" of the original curse, Kathryn attended Yale alongside Regina. She played softball there. When she came back to work for her father at Storybrooke's bank, she and David got back together.

Then, of course, he was comatose for twenty-eight years. Things are harder to fit in here, and I personally think Regina did some "patchwork" to integrate the curse's history and the new situation.

During that time the bank "took the farm". Which is why he worked at the shelter. Kathryn thought he left her and Storybrooke to play minor-league baseball so he might make it to the Big Leagues someday. Which was why she never realized he was in a coma.

Now, post-curse, David knows he (and everyone) owes a lot to the curse (even if he refuses to mention it). The curse gave him a High School education along with modern farming and animal husbandry knowledge. He can play the guitar a little. He knows enough about engines to keep his truck, and/or a tractor running well. He knows his way around hand tools from the Enchanted Forest and power tools (from the curse).

He still loves hockey, basketball, and baseball. Football is too slow for him. As for the NFL: He personally does not like Tom Brady. He did not like his attitude, which led to a dislike of the Pats. If pushed, he will say he likes the NY Giants. If he has to watch football, he prefers high school and college teams the best.

He is now literate and reads about 4 books a year. Usually Westerns. He really likes audiobooks and podcasts better than reading. They remind him of listening to his mother by the fire.

In a settled-down Storybrooke, David resigns from the Sheriff's Office to farm again. He is a member of the Storybrook Agricultural Co-Op and Farmers Market. He started coaching the middle school baseball team and started working at the animal shelter again.

He has watched the Ken Burns Civil War documentary 8 times. He is a mediocre bowler and ran exactly 1 10K with Emma and swore he would never do it again.

Favorite Movie: Saving Private Ryan

Favorite TV Shows:

Curse - Gunsmoke

Current - 1883

Favorite Foods:

Shepard's Pie and he knows that everyone finds that hilarious (He will never admit that Regina's version is better than Snow's especially since Regina smirks every time she makes it)

Blueberry Pie with vanilla ice cream and caramel sauce

Strange Quirks: Speaks fluent French but has the worst accent imaginable. Still thinks Pro Wrestling is real. Has gotten poison ivy rash 34 times in his life because he can never identify it correctly and he is very allergic.

[house-of-slayterr]

How The Mutuals Get Turned!

Me:

I was sitting on the counter of the comic store, talking to Alan as Edgar stocked the shelves.

“Stop chatting them up Alan, we’ve got work to do!” Edgar groaned.

He hated his brothers crush. Alan rolled his eyes and offered his hand to me, letting me hop down.

“Wanna help us shelf?” He asked.

“It’s not like I had anything better to do.” I shrugged.

Besides, the quicker they finished their job, the quicker we could get out on the boardwalk. So we’d shelved the comics and talked a lot about different vampire lure. Edgar was pleasantly surprised by my knowledge.

As night fell, the boys had dragged me along outside.

“Let’s put your knowledge to the test newbie. See if you could spot a vampire.” Edgar challenged.

“Easy!” I bragged.

I scanned the crowed of the boardwalk for a few minuets before my eyes landed on a few suspicious bikers.

“Them.” I stated simply.

“How did you-“

“We already knew about them” Alan assured. “I’m impressed you caught on so quickly. It took us months to figure them out. But hunting them is a different ballgame.”

I rolled my eyes at the sports reference. It’s not like either them had ever picked up a ball.

“Use me as bait, we’ll make a ambush.”

“Are you out of your mind?” Alan asked.

“No, they’ve got a point. That could work. Paul would throw himself at anyone with legs.” Edgar defended.

“Gee thanks Ed.” I rolled my eyes.

“That’s not a good idea, we can’t take them all on at once.”

“Then we try to get them alone.” I offered.

“I still think it’s an awful idea.”

“Lighten up Ally, there just some vampires, what are you, chicken?”

He huffed. But before either of them could stop me, I made my way over to the group of boys. I approached the tall one with dark hair.

“Excuse me?” I asked.

They all turned their eyes to me.

“Well hello.” The blond with wild hair greeted.

I rolled my eyes and turned back to his friend.

“I’m new in town, and I was wondering if you boys knew anything fun to do.” I lied.

“What, the rides not look fun enough for you?” The blond with a cigarette in his mouth asked.

“Eh, looking for something a little more intense. You boys think you can deliver?” I smirked.

It was all part of my plan. If I got them to show me where they lived I could report back to my boys. Edgar would finally stop thinking I’m useless. But what I wasn’t expecting was for them to have so many others in their cave with them. Seems I got conned into “drinking the kool aid” and I’d have to explain to my best friend why I was now the very thing he was hunting. At least I could still help them out. What better way to destroy the vampires, than to be just as strong as them?

@oceansrose2002

Paul spotted you from across the boardwalk with ease, his eyes instantly landing on your figure. You were dressed in a pretty navy blue maxi dress, and you’re hair fell lazily on your shoulders. He admired how effortless you looked. He nudged Marko and nodded in your direction.

“Damn, you always get the best picks man. You should go talk to her!” Marko encouraged.

Paul didn’t need to be told twice. He walked past a stand, stealing a rose from the vendor and marched over to you.

“A pretty rose for the pretty lady” he said, doing a mock bow.

You giggled, blushing slightly. Nobody had ever given you this sort of attention before.

“The names Paul, Dollface, what’s yours?”

You laughed slightly. “It just so happens to be Rose, how ironic.”

His eyes light up at that. It was right then that he decided you wouldn’t be his meal. You were too damn cute. He invited you to hang out with the other up in the cave, and let you ride on the back of his bike. He’d turn you that night up in the cave, he knew you’d say yes. He’d simply have no fun without you.

@tohuntafreak

Marko was salty that Paul had already found someone for the night. Especially since they seemed to be hitting it off more so than usual. Rose wasn’t throwing herself at him like all the other girls. He moped around, trying to find someone who sparked his interest. And that’s when he found you.

He could spot the shine of your piercings in the dim street lights. This excited him instantly. People in Santa Clara were boring, normally didn’t have more than their ears pierced. He approached you casually, “accidentally” running into you. He caught you as you were nearly knocked off your feet. You starred up at him.

“Sorry, didn’t see you there.” He said.

“You use that line a lot?” You joked, rolling your eyes.

He steadied you on your feet.

“So what if I did?”

“Then you need better game. I’m Devan.” You greeted, a smirk gracing your lips.

He couldn’t help but stare at the way your piercing strained against the plump flesh there.

“Marko. You looking to have some fun tonight?” He asked.

You looked back to were he was looking with his friends on bikes. They didn’t seem half bad in your opinion.

“Will there be alcohol?”

“There can be anything you want Sugar.”

You rolled your eyes at his flirting. After seeing his best friend hit it off with Rose, Marko decided he didn’t want to be alone either. And you were a mighty fine choice for a new friend. There was plenty of mischief in your blood.

@queer-and-utter-chaos

You were an easy choice really. Tall, handsome, Dwayne was smitten. When he watched you help a vendor hang up some string lights they couldn’t reach, he knew you were sweet too. But he wasn’t quite sure how to approach you. Perhaps he could use Laddie to his aid.

He instructed the young boy that they would be playing a game of hide and seek. He could hide anywhere on the boardwalk, and he closed his eyes as the boy ran off. Not that it would make a difference, he’d still know exactly where he was at. He put on his best acting skills and began walking around looking helpless. And like a moth to the flame, you were drawn in.

“You alright?” You asked.

He faked a nod sending you a smile. You watched for a moment as he looked around.

“You looking for something? Maybe I could help?” You offered.

“I can’t find my kid.” You paused.

He didn’t seem old enough to have a child.

“I was supposed to be watching my little brother, and he must of ran off when I turned my back.”

You placed a hand on his shoulder to calm him.

“Don’t worry, we’ll find him.” You said, giving your best smile.

He had you right where you wanted you. After spending nearly half an hour “looking” for laddie, you two had talked about the most random things. And it only made him like you more. And when you found Laddie, the little boy was obsessed with you. He asked you to pick him up, and of course, how could you say no.

“Can we keep them Dwayne, can we?” He begged.

Dwayne looked at you as if asking for permission. Little did you know what you were committing too. But in the end, you’d be happy by their sides.

@auntvamp

David’s eyes latched onto you before the end of the night. And they didn’t dare leave. He took a long drag of his cigarette as he watched one of the Surf jerks try to flirt with you. And that was his last straw. But as he was about to step in, he saw you slap the man, and hard.

Marko chuckled darkly. “She’s got some fire in her, good luck David.”

David rolled his eyes at the younger vampire. He made his way toward you, cause it seemed the bastard didn’t get the message.

“I believe they lady asked you to leave her alone.” He said.

“What are you her boyfriend?” The guy scoffed.

It was then you really turned to look at him. He was quite the site, you had to admit.

“Yeah, he is, so unless you want to get your ass beat, by the both of us, I’d suggest you scram.” You said.

David just smirked. “You heard her.”

The guy scoffed. “Whatever, come to me when you want a real man.” He said.

You rolled your eyes, flipping the guy off as he left.

“Thanks.” You said.

David just smiled and silently offered you a cig, which you gratefully took. He lit his first, than lit yours with the end of his.

“Come hang out with me an my friends, we’ll call it even.”

And with a face like that, how could you say no. David wouldn’t be letting a pesky little thing like human mortality take you from him. Not when things just got interesting.

@vechkinfan

Laddie was actually the one who picked you out of the crowd. He was sat on top of Dwayne’s motorcycle, and from this higher vantage point he had a better view. Something about you seem fun. Before the boys could stop the younger vampire, he was running off into the crowd.

Laddie had gotten really good at his “lost boy” routine. He could lure in anyone the boys wanted if he just pretended he didn’t know where they went. He walked up to you and gently tugged at your sleeve. You looked down to see the cutest little boy you’d ever seen.

“We’ll hello there!! You alright little one?” He shook his head no.

You crouched down to look at him, see eye to eye.

“What’s wrong.”

“My brothers were supposed to get me ice cream, but when I turned around they were gone.”

You feigned shock.

“That’s awful. Tell you what little buddy, why don’t I get you over to the ice cream stand and see if we can find them, yeah?”

“Ok.” He said.

He took your hand and the two of you walked over. After about 15 mins of waiting he still couldn’t find his brothers.

“Now I’m never gonna get ice-cream.”

You laughed. Of course that was what the boy was worried about. You were sure he brothers were probably worried sick about him and searching for him. It wouldn’t hurt to stay a little longer. One little ice cream cone wouldn’t hurt your wallet too bad.

“You like sprinkles little man?” You asked.

His eyes lit up brightly and he nodded.

“And chocolate!”

You laughed. “And chocolate. Alright stay put ok. Can’t have you getting lost even more.”

Laddie babbled about random things as you two are your ice cream. And a guy in a cool jacket with a cheetah on it approached.

“There you are!” Marko announced. “And what have you found for us little man?” He asked, looking you up and down.

“They got me ice cream Marko!”

“I can see that. Thanks for keeping him safe.” He thanked you.

“You should really keep a better eye on him. He could have gotten hurt.” You stated.

Dwayne overheard your care for the boy and joined in on the conversation.

“Don’t blame him, Laddie here is a slippery bugger, isn’t that right? We told you we’d take you for ice cream later didn’t we bud?”

Laddie smiled sheepishly.

“Yeah, but I brought us a friend!”

“It seems you have. Perhaps you would like to join us, that way you can help us keep a better eye on the kid?” Dwayne offered.

You rolled your eyes. Following them back to the cave was a choice you were uncertain about. You never expected your life would change forever after that. But you didn’t mind the new you.

@frenziedslashers

No! No way! Your brother shouted. Edgar would never let you join them! He was ridiculously overprotective of you. You’d help him and Alan on their vampire hunting adventures for a while now. But this time you got sloppy.

David had you in his clutches, and your brothers could only stand and watch in horror. They were completely surrounded.

“Stop hunting us, or I swear to god I will rip out your brothers neck right here!” David growled.

Alan tried to think of anything he could do to help. But he couldn’t think of anything. You were totally and utterly screwed.

“Fuck you bloodsucker!” Edgar seethed.

David grip tightened on you. You didn’t know what to say. Should you say goodbye to your brothers? Tell them it would all be ok and beg them to run? You wouldn’t make it out of this one, at least they could leave unscathed. But then an idea hit you.

“If you really wanted to torture them, why kill me? You could turn me you coward!”

You knew the leader would find the idea intriguing. Sure your brothers would hate you, but you’d be alive. That was better than nothing right? And you’d read blade! He became a better hunter after he was turned. It evened the playing fields.

“Don’t give me ideas little hunter. This won’t end well for you!”

“You’re stalling.” You taunted.

Edgar looked at you like you were crazy. What the hell were you doing. But you gave him your signature smile, one that assured him everything would be alright. Maybe being a vampire wouldn’t be so bad.

“We put our weapons down, you let our brother go.” Edgar demanded.

“You see, I would, but all this talk about a new fledglings got me excited. New trade, I’ll let you both leave here alive after I turn him.”

“No way!” Edgar yelled.

“Orian, please.” Alan plead.

“Just go! You can’t save the world if you’re dead right?”

And those were the words that sealed your fate. Your brothers got to live to see another day. And you’d outlive them.

[formulinos]

hello everybody! for the round of 16 of The Tournament, i left an open box opened so that you could write whatever you like: venting, secrets, or just normal stuff. i thought it would be nice to reply to some of your messages so behind the cut you can check some of these out! they include thoughts not only on f1, but also academia and general life stuff. i took the care of redacting some information that could lead to identification, since you're anon during voting i can't tell who is who but if you'd like to reach out to me in priv i'm always around :D

first of all, i received a lot of messages of support and thanks, which honestly idek why because i don't feel i really deserve it? you guys are very sweet, thanks for your kindness. while my priority is always to do things i like and have fun, i don't think formulinos exists without those who interact with it, so thanks to you guys for being here to support me! that being said, two of those messages more or less called my attention:

sure, if you tell me who you are! if any of you are interested, come hang out!

new blog bio!

we also got a lot of musings about the current matches of the tournament:

in this case i think your typing made a choice for you bestie :/

this one is an early semi-final and i wanted to KILL python for creating this match up, but not as much as:

that one was fucked up and i think it's enough of an evidence that it's really done at random bc i'd never!!!!! still, there was one match that was controversial enough to divide society:

evil. cursed. well, at least someone got the intention behind it!

this is literally drivers champions league!!!! 

a lot of you had different opinions about the drivers who stayed and the drivers that aren't around anymore, but one stood out... for not even being a driver

he would advance, but not as much as this tumblr user:

i love the self confidence!!!!

on the topic of tournaments:

well, i think that's an idea that could be developed! there are plenty of drivers in other series if you want to do a general one, beyond f1! 

we had a few more on f1! first of all, a classic:

what was the question?

a few of you are still worried about some recent news:

i'm not gonna claim here i'm a daniel fan, but i do think mclaren are fucked up. but then again, i would still think mclaren are fucked up even if they didn't do anything. the good thing about silly seasons is that there is hope until literally the 2023 season starts, so keep your heads high!

we have a few takes coming straight from the past:

on the cevert take, i have no clue. the sport evolved pretty quickly between the 70s and 80s and i genuinely can't tell who would or wouldn't have won a title. on senna's win however, i can def say that this was a hate crime (french on brazilian violence on the behalf of balestre)

we have friends that are back after a long time though!

welcome back! hope you enjoy your stay :D

we also have some newbies who are going through a tough time in the fandom:

i think we have a big issue in the fandom that we have either people who are ancient and are overprotective of the sport because the changes that liberty media have brought are majorly against the flow of the sport, or people who are super new and that don't understand that f1 is a cumulative sport, that is, the more you know about it, the more you understand not only the technical aspect but literally how the sport works. it's not quite like football which i find much more friendly in terms of picking up whenever you like a team and then slowly get used to the history. i'm not a hater of newcomers because we need them to keep the sport running and unfortunately i'd like to keep watching formula 1 until my hair is grey and i have dementia, but i'm not gonna lie and say i don't resent the small portion of new fans who just splurt opinions without having the necessary knowledge to see things beyond black and white. it's not that understanding certain things makes it less fucked up, but it actually helps to bring some perspective that can even make you more or less mad and give more support to your train of thought. that being said, i can TOTALLY tell when a fan is purposefully ignorant or just a newbie who is just learning about things, so i don't think you should be afraid of interacting with people around here because they are mostly levelheaded and they can actually help you out with explaining the lore of f1 (obligatory hyperfixation corner on my pinned post plug). don't be scared, just throw yourself out there! if you're not interested on knowing everything about everyone, i'd just tell you to learn a bit about the history of teams, like why is ferrari the way they are? what led mercedes to their domination? how did sebastian vettel create red bull? why must williams be stopped? etc. i think that by tracing a single "recent" timeline (you don't need to go aaaaall the way back to fangio, unless you're interested about the technological and safety advancements from the start of f1 to now) you can grasp a bit better some of the grid dynamics. and on the topic of f1, a chilling revelation:

i legit can't say anything without saying who the driver is so i won't. but damn lol!!!! well, you're entitled to your own opinions and i think that from what you said, it's like, a normal rivalry that the sport ended up creating and even though it's in the past some ppl still carry it with them. i hate timo glock no matter how much ppl defend him to me. most important is just to chill and avoid tagging your opinions so you don't poke the fans!

another f1 related confession, but a simpler one:

i'm not sure if chickpeas are super common around the globe, so i think it's fair? unfortunately in brazil they're super common though. i HATE them i wish charles had never picked it up.

we have one on DTS laid ease:

fair enough because current DTS is literally teams' PR hour. what was pretty charming about the first two seasons was how unscripted it felt - even though a lot of it was different from reality, unlike now that's basically only the teams and drivers that are willing to speak and it's obvious they want to look good or at least have control of the narrative that's fabricated. i know it's not all perfect but gosh, it fell off.

still on f1, we have a possible sighting:

trust your instincts, what do they say? i am of the opinion that if it was Lewis, you'd know right away. that man is unmistakable.

and now, a commentary on fanfics:

see i can only read RPF if i can distinguish well reality from the AU. like, i want the story to be so compelling that it feels like the drivers are just face and personality claims but they stand as characters, not as the real deal. if you changed their names, it would work equally fine as a book (although i love when there are easter eggs and whatever). i think that if you have the maturity to understand that these aren't the drivers from the moment they're written and that they have real lives and real partners, you can still have fun! the fandom is filled with talented writers who i legit think could make it a job. i'm going to recommend to you "without a hitch" aka @mickstart's bakery AU (you'll need an AO3 account as it's private) because i feel it illustrates well what i just said and laura really made a point of creating a whole universe. we saw it grow from a few fun discussions at a discord server to a few more serious discussions we had on priv and repeated demands i made for her to write it and they fucking did it brilliantly. so very proud, new chapter saturday etc. from the other users i remember write is of course my beloved maisie @jedivszombie and the amazing anna @gp2engine​. can't go wrong!

but it's not all f1. there is some f2 too!

and i would love if both of you guys could get into contact with me first bc i'm an enthusiast of gossip and second bc i legit would like to know what is necessary to get a formula job!!!!

and at last a very sobering yet necessary take on the state of the fandom:

i do like tumblr for not being very male dominated although twitter has a nice blend of reddit dudebros and tumblrinas. however, we def need more women to reach f1 because my bi ass needs more material besides old school girls and susie (besides w series).

some of you had positive new life updates!

MF Doom fucks and i cant believe it's two years already that he left us!!! i love the feeling of learning a new instrument, i remember my hands ached and i'd get short of breath when i was learning the flute but it was so worth it! keep working at it!!!

god, that's so nice to read, congrats! sun and water is always a mood booster and it's amazing to read how much progress you made in a year :D may you keep having great experiences at pool parties (and maybe the beach next?)

comeback of the century. iconic. i would get the nose checked though don't joke around these things!!

a few of you were still on last week's assignment:

i love call it fate, call it karma. any strokes really. i'm not that bi enough to enjoy hozier but i do think the quality is great! and i did listen to mykonos, it's in last round's playlist :)

we also had a few food related items:

i def need to try popcorn w chopsticks bc i always waste so much popcorn eating it in handfuls like an idiot. sushi IS my favourite food, next time you eat it lmk so we can eat some together! and while i'm not sure yet pasta is the supreme food, i def want to try some great pasta when i'm at milan next month! oh and every single alcoholic beverage sucks absolute balls.

some of you are suffering over a subject very close to my heart: sleeping

i know probably it's not That Serious to you guys, but i have been recovering from long term use of zolpidem (ambien) for the past 4 months or so now? i don't remember really. i just decided to stop taking it bc it's such a hassle to get it here in france, i have to go to a psychiatrist that barely looks me in my face and charges me 100 euros per month and i ended up running out of prescription. when i called him to schedule an appointment, he said he was on vacation for the next 15 days, and since he was the first out of 3 that i went that prescribed me some (i already did a treatment in brazil but here is much worse and someone prescribed to me an antipsychotic that left me completely zonked out) i just said fuck it, i'll wing it. i had the worse insomnia for the first week but at some point my sleeping schedule started to go back to normal, it's still a challenge but at least i can mostly sleep 7 hours instead of 3. what i find helped me was melatonin, of course because there is no way someone who was on 10mg zolpidem could just fall asleep straight away - i take between 2 and 3 mg an hour before i go to sleep and then i try not to mess w my phone a lot. if i'm not sleeping, i'll grab the phone to watch smth on youtube or netflix, but i won't do social media. i have a bag of lavender grains on my pillow and i also put essential oils on my diffuser (lavender + sweet orange) bc aromatherapy fucks. i shut every single light entrance in the house (v important during summer) AND have a face mask. i legit do SO MUCH SHIT to sleep is crazy. go to sleep well so you don't end up like me. and tbh if you suffer from severe insomnia like i do, i still think you can consider zolpidem as a path if you have the support of a doctor. for a good period, it was the only way i could manage to sleep when nothing else i had tried worked and it legit saved my life, i swear. i just couldn't live properly from the headaches and other side effects of lack of sleep. from there on you can wean it out properly instead of going cold turkey. good luck!

there have been some... atypical issues:

shit in their toilet and clog it.

freaking ruthless!!!!!!! the joys of being a child...

now we get into romantic territorry! well, sort of:

if i had to choose i think i'd go with jeff bezos. they must be practically insufferable the same way but at least jeff bezos doesn't share cringe memes daily on twitter. and i think jeff bezos' money is less unstable.

hey! it's not about the man, it's about you being comfortable with yourself enough to enjoy yourself while having sexy times with a man. it's self-care. ideally you'll go through the next step of self-care that is to block the man's number. good luck!

tbh have you tried picking ppl up at excel courses? at least you'll find ppl who have the same mentality as you and that's a starting point! (shit advice i know but don't give up!)

HATE SEXY DREAMS HATE THEM !!! exactly, you'll prob never get to fuck him and it becomes a torture bc you just know that sex dream was top 10 pipes of your life. yes this is about you and your friend not about me and valtteri bottas. 

do you guys think that really happened? i don't think it really happened. i think it's just a string of coincidences much like princess cake....

of course we couldn't go without some Work Stuff:

i undestand you totally, it seems like you went through the sort of situation that really bursts the bubble and if you really trusted them and rated them before, it shatters in instants and then it's like "what the fuck are we even doing here?". i have been going through the same here w my uni collegues (i can't even call them friends as much atm) bc they were so selfish in a given moment i was like "never again". it's been nearly a month and i still don't want to look at them in their faces and have been avoiding them, but it's like. you have to accept your feelings were hurt and give yourself time to heal but also since you're still working with them you have to at least publicly move on. my mom says to keep acting nice and even playful but that it's also a lesson not to trust people again after they haven't been reliable. since your case is work related, even better bc it's not like you Need to be friends with them. if it's been like 3 months and you think it's still unsustainable, then i'd consider changing jobs tbh.

omg poor thing lmao!!!! honestly you sound like a trooper anyway because it's a bunch of kids crying, i think that would reduce anyone to tears but you still made it! i hope your manager was capable of supporting you but the image you created is lowkey hilarious... the wiiiings. i hope that up to that moment you enjoyed your tinkerbell fantasy and that you get to keep the costume.

a lot of the messages were also related to Academia Anxiety (classic)

i sympathise a lot with the concern about your parents because i'm from a latino country, but i see my friends who eventually overcame their fears and changed their majors instead of sticking to the ones their parents liked and they are genuinely thriving. there is one in particular that just blossomed in life and is much more confident and happy. of course i don't know your particular situation with your parents so i can't say that they will or not respond in a certain way, but the fact is that they're not gonna be here forever anyway, and when they're gone you might have to face if you're the person you want to be or the person they were projecting you to be and it might sting. if your mental health requires you to change areas, do it. it will be rough, but you can make it! 

see? and there is nothing wrong with that, good luck in your studies! i myself am probably gonna graduate in my studies since i'm here in france for the double degree than immediately go back to study mechanical engineering bc i like chemistry but it's useless lmao. if i could turn back time!!!!

awww i hope you manage to stay there as well!! how are the possibilities lining up right now, do you think you could find a job in your area or keep working at academical research or something? a lot of the foreign students at my school manage to stay here after they graduate but i don't know how things work in the country you're at the moment. would you be willing to move somewhere else as well?

i'm terribly sorry to hear that, school can be so overwhelming sometimes and not having the support of your parents in that aspect def hinders the situation. ideally you'd be able to seek a therapist on the low, for instance if your school have a counsellor they might be able to help you find a solution. because of the pandemic there have been many therapists who decided to go at least part time online, which can be cheaper depending on your location (in case you can somehow afford it or some insurances might cover it). where i'm from a lot of universities offer therapeutic support either for free or for a symbolic fee from their interns or people who just graduated, which also helps (a few of my friends do it this way!). i think from the point you manage to get some therapy advice, they might be able to refer you to a psychiatrist if necessary and orient you on whether or not you need your parents to back your treatment. i know you probably have already tried to seek solutions, so keep me posted on how that's going and i hope you manage to kick start something!

we had a few other people recounting some of their mental heath struggles:

the worst part about therapy it's how trial and error it is until you find The Therapist, but once you do it's so worth it. i had one that ghosted me once and it sucked asdkfhas but i'm currently doing genuinely great with the one i have, so don't give up on therapy just yet! i have also a friend who is dealing with A Very Shitty Breakup (toxic abusive ex) and she has been doing both therapy and meditation, so maybe meditation can help you as well! and i'm not sure if you have psychiatric support as well, but maybe if you do you can get a therapist referral from them! truly think that it takes a village to deal with mental illnesses, therapy, psychiatry and even some holistic approaches sometimes (no cults please) and since you're also saying you are having a bit of a sexuality crisis, therapy could help you figure out what you're going through. again, keep me posted!

it sounds like you have a mature outlook on it and you decided to do what's best for you, so i salute you on that first and i hope that HRT is the path to your happiness (i also hope that you are not alone in the transitioning process and that you have both friends and medical support to go through it, although i know in many countries the system fucking sucks). it's terrible to hear that your family might not be supportive, i hope there are some surprises and that they come to terms with you becoming who you really are but this might take literally years and you're well aware of it. it's a heartbreaking situation and i wish you the best on this new era of your life, may the joys of becoming you outweight the saudade you will have of your family. and may you find many people who love and support you and have a found family of your own! keep me posted!!!

this one is just a message of its own i couldn't place anywhere:

i REALLY HOPE this person is well now and safe, please send a message saying you're good now!!!!!

we had a few relatable messages:

what are your favourite apartment/house hunting videos? i love to see celebrity houses, whenever there is a new architectural digest video i stop everything i'm doing.

another one:

the nice thing about aging is that you realise everybody know absolutely jackshit even if they are the most experienced people in the world. i look at myself and i still feel like i don't know anything in life, even at stuff i dedicated my whole life to, but fuck it, we keep moving, as you said. the lovely thing about life is that every person has their own pace but we all have the potential. you'll wake up one day and you will see that everything is in its right place, i believe in you!

now this one, we ALL can relate:

god i felt that one right to my tailbone. go see that psychotractor!!!!

and, to finish this, the most relatable one of them all:

easy! step 1: watch formula 1

there you go no way to like formula 1 after this.  thank you to all of you who sent messages, feel free to keep them coming! and thanks for participating in the tournament, we still have a round going so don't forget to vote! cheers and see you around :D

[pbandjesse]

We are sitting in our cabin!! It's so nice. We are being so spoiled because I am positive other cabins aren't going to be so nice. This is the best I have been feeling in a week. I am just super happy right now.

And today was great. Even if I didn't feel good. I slept okay last night. Waking up was tough. James tried to wake me up and I kept asking for 10 more minutes. But would soon enough get up and felt fine. I got washed and dressed. I felt really pretty. James started bringing everything down to the car. I loved on Sweetp and set out the extra bowls of food and water we always leave for him when we go away for the weekend.

I wanted to say goodbye to him more but I also knew I wanted to get out of there and start our trip.

James made a few trips but I carried all my bags in one go. And then James brought our bikes down. I was for sure being a little bit of a baby today but I really didn't feel well. I felt so weak. It sucks. Jess wants me to see a doctor. I am going to get my next injection on Monday when we get back from the cabin so maybe I'll ask their opinion while I'm there.

We left the apartment and drove over to locust point to go to the giant and then have brunch at Southside diner.

James left me in the car because my energy level was so low. And when they got back to the car I got out to walk to the restaurant with them. Which is when at that exact moment I saw James close their keys in the car. Which then locked?? We have never had this happen before. I was so upset. I had grabbed my keys this morning as well but they were in my backpack. And James was like. I guess we call AAA. And I was trying not to get really upset. I was like well let's actually call Subaru roadside maybe there is a trick and as I said that and pointed at the number I saw that the passenger side was still unlocked!!! We don't know what but it was such a blessing and saved the morning.

So we got the keys and I keep clowning on James to check for them.

We went to have brunch and while it was good the same thing that keeps happening to me happened again. I was super enjoying my meal. And then half way in I felt so sick I wanted to cry. I tried my best to power through and at least finish my sandwich but I was bummed because it was really good.

It was just nice being with James. People watching. And trying to guess what the new store is that is opening where the Walgreens was. But soon it was time to go.

We weren't driving to far. Less then two hours. And it was a beautiful day. I brought my embroidery and got to work while we listened to James's sport podcast.

I brought stuff to do the next couple embroidery pieces. I only have 4 left. Which does mean I technically started the project a day early somehow. I think I forgot January has 31 days. But that's okay. I will do finishing work on the last day. And then it will be finished for my birthday.

The drive out here was nice. But we could not check into the cabin until 5. So we had time to kill. Once we were in the area of tuckahoe state park James brought us to an arboretum!

Which was very nice. The woman at the desk was slightly awkward in conversation at first but was super knowledgeable about the stuff we could see. And I really did enjoy the walk. The more time we were outside the better I felt. Though I was very quick to be tired. There were a lot of benches and I enjoyed seeing the different trees. The streams were my favorite part. And seeing birds overhead. I bet it's very beautiful in the spring.

We were there for about an hour. And got a free book about native plants at the end. I really liked sitting on the benches and watching the sky. I was feeling happy. But my inside hurts. I was telling Jess earlier, around this time, that I was afraid I would never feel good again. But slowly, as the day has gone on, I have been doing better and that is encouraging.

We got back to the car and decided to go to the campground and see if we could check in early. There didn't end up being a person at the ranger station so we decided not to bother. And instead we went to the pavilion/picnic area and set up a hammock to chill for a while.

And that was perfect. Because I was so stupid tired. James got me a blanket (eventually went back for a second because the wind coming off the water was very cold) and we cuddled in the hammock for a long time. James read a book. I slept.

We got startled by someone car alarm. And that when James got me the second blanket and went to sit on a bench so I could have the whole hammock to myself for a while. I didn't sleep anymore after that but I was super cozy. About an hour had gone by and we would spend another half hour chilling. Before James decided we should go get condiments for hotdogs and hopefully it would be time to check in.

And that worked pretty well. We tried royal farms first but no luck there. I got a soda though. We went to a food lion and got relish and cheese sauce, my favorite hot dog condiments, and then since there was time we stopped on the goodwill across the street. It was kind of a bad goodwill. And I don't want or need anything right now so it wasnt like we were buying stuff. But it was fun to look around. And then it was time to go to the park.

We still waited 15 minutes to see if the ranger was coming. But nope. The cabin was just unlocked.

And for real we are going to be so spoiled for cabins. It's so cute. The outside is fine but the inside is all painted panel walls and big soft couches and a cute little kitchen. There heat and air and a microwave. Plus it's right on the water. This is the best. This is more what I had pictured with our bach weekend of I'm being honest. And like that was fun but this feels just a little closer to nature. Even if that had more deer.

We got all of our stuff inside. James left me know that besides the two twin beds there was also a pull out mattress. Since we only brought one sheet we decided to sleep in the living room and use the bedroom for our clothes and stuff. We got it all cozy and unpacked. And watched the sun set.

We had hot dogs for dinner. And I worked on my embroidery more. And soon James built a fire. We did not remember a lighter or matches so they used the stove to burn a piece of paper so we could have s'mores. Love James they are so smart.

And it has just been a beautiful night. James have been reading. We listened to a podcast. Watched videos. And now it's 9 and I am freshly showered and ready to get some sleep.

Tomorrow we are going to see nature and I have like two weeks of knitting to catch up on. I set up the hammock outside and I just want to chill and feel relaxed. No stress, no expectations. And hopefully I continue to feel better.

So wish us luck. And be safe out there. Goodnight everyone. I love you!

[satellite-blossom]

One of the key reasons Léa were adopted by Sally and Shadow instead of just staying with Sonic or whatever was that they needed a stable frame, if that makes sense.

Beside the whole "French human kids from Earth aren't as independent as a young Mobian" thing, Léa also needed to be trained in general. On Mobius they have a lot of raw power by default, but they need to learn how to properly use it. Purple can teach them about incantations and the theories about Earthlings' souls, but she doesn't really know how to fight. Meanwhile Shadow is very powerful and knows how to train ; I imagine that Purple teams up with him to coach Léa power-wise. Sally has less physical strength than Shadow, but she's very good at teamwork and strategy in general (not that Shadow is awful at teamwork, but he often tries to do too much on his own because he thinks it's his duty to protect/help others). Also : she has access to archives and has great geographic knowledge, which is more needed than Léa first thought. How are you supposed to tour the whole world to find other Earthlings if you don't even know where you are ? [I still need to develop the geography of m version of Mobius, but yeah Léa are gonna learn it, or at least some of it.]

Sonic is cool and all, but he's more impulsive and less rigorous. It has worked pretty well for him so far, but it isn't what everyone should do. So he still helps Léa, but not in exactly the same areas as Sally & Shadow. Sometimes Léa just need to chill and Sonic is good at helping with that.

On the topic of Léa's relationships with Mobians : let's talk about Knuckles a bit because I don't do it enough. So at first he doesn't really know how to interact with Léa, and neither do they. When Léa first arrive on Mobius they seem kinda aloof for someone who is essentially a guardian for living beings, but Knuckles thinks it's because they're inexperienced — they have lived most of their life completely unaware Mobius was real, and even less aware they would teleport there someday. I guess Knuckles has challenged them for a friendly fight a few times but Léa didn't really know what to do, so he starts to realize that they're a pretty anxious fellow even before they get more serious on Mobius. Eventually he tries to help them mentally too, but his emotional vocabulary isn't super developed ; at least it lightens Léa's mood & they appreciate the efforts. I think sometimes Knuckles just calls them over to stay at Angels Island a bit. Even if they're just sitting in silence together the echidna appreciate Léa's company. They need to relax and he knows that. Perhaps he even invites them to break rocks or just do some sport with him, although he tries to frame the latter as an "adventure" since Léa don't like the sound of "exercise".

I'm getting a little tired, but yeah each one of the Mobian heroes Léa interact with helps them in their own way. Not too spoil too much publicly but Léa's time on Mobius is all about healing. Ɛ>

[purplesurveys]

1574

What was the best job you’ve ever had? I don’t think I’ve had that yet.

Would you rather open a used clothing store or an antique store? Used clothing. I’ve actually just started following like ten stores on Instagram that sell pre-loved vintage-y clothes so this question has pretty good timing! I'm not too big a fan of antiques so I don’t imagine growing passionate with such a business.

Do you think you would want to own a gift shop? Eh, I don’t think so either. Have you ever wondered if your friend was an alien? Uhhhhhhh no.

Do you have a troublesome medical condition? Scoliosis, I guess. I’m sure it also gets worse every year since I rarely put in the effort to improve my posture.

What’s your most annoying neighbor’s name? I know none of my neighbors’ names lol but none of them are annoying.

Would you have started a business in high school if your parents had let you? I’m sure they would have allowed me, but I don’t think they would’ve been the type to like chip in at the start the way other kids’ parents probably would have. They’re very supportive, but they are also very “That’s your decision, so don’t drag us into it or expect anything from us.”

What sport would you have joined if your parents had let you? They really liked that I was into table tennis and they still make it a point to brag about it to family and friends lol; it’s just that my barrier from the very beginning was that there was never a lot of opportunity to train. My school didn’t even have a table tennis varsity.

Do you have any tough life decisions to make soon? Yeah, a little bit! I’m starting to make baby steps towards Legitimately Resigning and as a person who really hates change, everything about this is a big deal for me at the moment.

At what time of the day do you usually have the most energy? Usually at like 6 PM once I’m able to clock out of work. I’ve said it before, but these days I’m a completely different person in and out of work in that I’m a lot happier when I’m not absorbed in it.

Do you consider yourself gifted and talented? I mean I wouldn’t call myself an utter bore hahaha. But I’m nothing spectacular either. I can’t play instruments, I can’t dance, draw, cook, ride a bike...there are a lot of things I can’t do that frustrate me everyday lol.

Do you love your enemies? I don’t have any.

Magenta, aqua, or coral? Coral.

Do you like the color orchid? Idek what that looks like.

Would you rather be a wedding photographer or a nature photographer? Wedding! So many stories you can learn from so many people by attending even just one.

Have you ever had an ulcer? No, but my parents scold me on this all the time since I skip meals as a habit.

Do you have a canker sore right now? Fortunately not. I fucking hate those.

Are you interested in health and wellness? I’m the least interested person about these things, lol.

Would you ever be a fitness coach? Nope, I’m not qualified and even knowledgeable at all.

Do you ever question whether something that makes you uncomfortable is a good thing or not? What an interesting question. I guess I do sometimes! Like if I’m uncomfortable in a social situation or dabbling in a new activity I’ve never done before, I do have moments where I take a step back and remind myself that doing This New Thing may actually be helpful for me or something that I might actually enjoy.

When was the last time you spent time with God in nature? Uh, never.

What color is your bike? I don’t know how to ride a bike :( We do have one though, it’s silver and blue; it’s just my parents who take it for rides.

Are you due for a hike? Yes. Not my go-to hobby but I do want to do one sometime.

Do you have too many hangers? We have enough.

Have you ever created a themed scrapbook? Tried, but I’m hopeless with creative endeavors like that.

Pilates or yoga? Don’t care much for either.

How often do you eat dessert? Like 1-2 times a week. We don’t always have sweet options at home.

Do you own a pair of cute workout pants? I don’t.

What’s the trendiest item you own? F&F adidas shoes, I guess. Only 300 pairs.

Have you ever had someone tell you NOT to trust your gut? I don’t think so.

Do you get irritated by people who lack common sense? Yes. Especially if it happens at work.

What’s the best drink you’ve ever had at Starbucks? I’m not very flexible when it comes to Starbucks drinks tbh, I just stick to what I’ve been ordering for the past...6, 7 years lol - caramel macchiato. Every now and then I’ll try the seasonal drinks, but so far nothing has dethroned my fave.

Did you pull an all-nighter last night? Oh no, last night was a depression sleep. Out like a light by 9 PM.

When was the last time you wrote an essay? Around September when we had an internal writing crash course at work and we were given this really fun prompt to work with.

Do you enjoy writing essays? Love essays, love writing them.

Do you enjoy learning? Sure, as long as it’s about a topic I’m interested in or could potentially be interested in.

Do you get irritated by know-it-alls? Who doesn’t?

What is the most dominant color in your closet? Black. I also have lots of pastel hues but they’re all in different colors, haha.

Do you own anything periwinkle? I don’t think so, actually.

Do you know anyone who is colorblind? Nope.

What is your favorite fairytale? I don’t have one.

Do you have any Irish in you? Not at all.

What is your favorite name that starts with a Z? Zoe/Zoey is pretty cute.

Have you ever felt like you were going to throw up while you were at school? At school and work, yeah.

Do you know anyone who thinks they’re good at something but really is not? Yep.

What color are your running shoes? I don’t run.

Do you wear hoodies? Sometimes, when I’m too lazy to dress up but have to head out.

How many pull-over hoodies do you own? Three.

Do you own a princess crown? Don’t think so.

Do you love anyone? Apart from family and friends, no.

What’s your birthstone? Diamond.

Do you have a class ring? Not a thing here.

Were you ever on a dance team? No.

Do you love your hometown? In a way that it will always feel warm and cozy, like home, yeah. But I don’t particularly hold a really strong sense of pride towards it lol.

Where are you itching to travel to? 서울ㄹㄹㄹㄹㄹㄹㄹㄹㄹㄹㄹㄹㄹㄹㄹㄹ

Do you believe that God’s plans for you are better than you could ask, think, or imagine? Nobody makes my plans for me.

Giraffes or squirrels? Giraffes. I imagine I’d be freaked by squirrels if I see them in real life hahaha. I don’t do well with tiny animals that move fast.

Aardvarks or elephants? Elephants, I guess.

Do you own an epi pen? No.

How old were you when you got rid of all your Barbies? I never played with them in the first place.

Would you want your first child to be a girl or a boy? Girl.

Do you think you would have fun being a fitness coach? No, I wouldn’t have a clue what I’m doing.

What sounds like the most fun job to you? A writer.

List five people who are good role models career-wise. Personally not really a big fan of the concept of role models, so I’ve never had any. Very few people actively make it a point to be one, and people who are typically labeled as such usually back off from the title and give disclaimers that they don’t actually try to be role models for others, so I don’t really see the point hahaha.

Have you ever had an art class that you hated? All of them. Love looking at art, hate trying to make artworks.

Were you always one of the smartest kids in your class? I was above average and would sometimes place the highest in exams, but I was nowhere near a constant topnotcher. I excelled in some classes but did absolutely horrible in others.

Do you read for pleasure? Not since I was in high school.

When was the last time you drank hot chocolate? Two Sundays ago.

Are you unique? We all are.

Do you have a headache right now? Nope.

What decade were you born in? 90s. 

[lgcsori]

nothing new, again

“must i repeat myself for people to remember what i kept repeating?”

...

            love wasn’t on sori’s list of important things, at least not for now. she’d had her first kiss, but that was as far as her “love life” had ever come. twenty years and she had not had a single crush on anyone (with the exception of bae nathan, she’s not sure if that’s a crush though), it didn’t go the other way around though. personality wise, sori wasn’t who you’d expect to get a lot of love confessions, but sori was much more than just her personality. she was hard-working, good in studies, good in sports, she was good in pretty much everything, and besides that, she had her good looks. her and her brother might not be biological siblings, but somehow they had both gotten quite good looks, they of course went two different ways with these. her brother was someone who cared much about his looks, and who used his looks to his advantage, sori didn’t exactly mind the good looks, but she minded people asking for her number on the street. she was pretty straight-forward though, rejecting every stranger who thought they had a chance with her. and she was not dumb, she knew some boys in her class liked her. she could hear the whispers from the boys and girls in her class, she just chose to ignore it, as long as they didn’t act on this ‘crush’ she wouldn’t say anything. and because of the first few confessions she got, people were quite careful with giving confessions to her now, it was almost basic knowledge knowing she’d reject you. 

why would you confess to someone who is guaranteed to say no? who you know you have no chance with? but well, you won’t know before you actually ask. 

it falls out when she opens her locker, her friends are quick to surround her. “what fell out?” doyeon asks, and eunjung picks it up, sori puts her stuff into the locker, ignoring whatever fell out, she hasn’t placed it their herself, so it isn’t hers. “it’s an envelope” eunjung waves it in front of sori, she pushes it away with her hand “it’s not mine” sori says coldly. “open it” doyeon says, sounding much more than excited than sori has ever been about something in her entire life. the envelope is red, a similar colour to a beanie sori wears often, sori closes her locker. sori would’ve just let the envelope lay still on the floor was she alone, but she’s not, and the envelope is opened. “i think it’s a love letter” doyeon says moving super close to eunjung, and it seems like they’re reading it both of them. “pffft” doyeon lets out, “got a crush on sori, but they know her this little? anyone knows you reject everyone” a love letter, sori sighs in her head. “either they don’t know you very well, or they really like you”, “it doesn’t matter, you two can keep that if you want”. 

“dear sori, the cha sori. i’ve known you for a while, i remember when you had long hair dyed brown, and i’ve known you for long enough to see that both long and short hair suits you. you’re the smartest in the school, there’s no girl who runs as fast as you. there’s nobody i know that works as hard as you. you’re not only pretty, you’re smart too, and you’re hard-working. if you haven’t been able to tell by now, this is a lover letter, i like you cha sori. please meet me after school down by the tree of life. love, someone who likes you a lot” and finally sori lets the sigh out she had kept in her head. doyeon lets out a laugh, “it’s cute!” eunjung says, “yeah but they’ll be waiting a long time if they’re expecting sori to show up”. “they should’ve confessed to me” doyeon pouts, “you already have a crush though” eunjung rolls her eyes “yeah but--”, and sori snatches the envelope out of eunjung’s hand. “huh?” the two girls say in unison. sori’s eyes skim through the text in a second “i’m going” and she starts walking, “what?!” and eunjung and doyeon hurry to catch up with sori. “you’re really going?”, “yes”, “does the cha sori maybe finally want a partner?” “eeeeeeh--”, “shut up, we need to get to class”.

she enters class, and for a second when she has just sat down she looks around the classroom, thinking who could be the owner to this letter. “what’s that?” sori fiddles with the letter, then looks up to see wooram standing in front of her, leaning on her table. she packs it away “none of your business” she says, “oh come on! tell me! is it a love letter? do you finally have a crush?” she lifts an eyebrow “the teacher is here”, “what?”, “go away wooram, the teacher is here”. she’s concentrated for the rest of the class, studying hard as she does usually, though for a few seconds she looks around again, wonders who the owner of that letter is.

she’s there before whoever sent the letter is. then someone turns up, they begin fiddling with their bag, seeming too nervous to be able to open it. “soo himchan” he looks up, stops fiddling with his bag, “you’re soo himchan, a freshman, so a year under me”, “i--” he starts fiddling with his back again, finding a rose from his bag. “i’ve known you for a while”, his eyes widen “huh?”. “dear sori, the cha sori. i’ve known you for a while. that’s the words you wrote in your letter, we haven’t gone to the same university for long, but… we went to the same high school too, so i assume that’s what you meant with ‘known for a while’. however, we’ve not known each other for a while, the longest conversation we’ve had is probably a sorry when bumping into each other or an excuse me walking past one another. you confess your love to me, without even knowing me, so i’ll reject you without even knowing you” there’s confusion in his face. “i reject you soo himchan”, he looks to the ground, then finally stretches the arm with the rose in it “give that to someone who wants it” she says, then walks past him.

love wasn’t on sori’s list of important things, and she wasn’t planning on putting it on there for a while.

[todayisafridaynight]

OKOKOK EP TWO AND THREE CLEARED. Keisuke is unbeatable I Am Positive I kept fucking pausing to GIF this and that and I swear I've never had this many GIFs on the hard drive 😭😭I need to hunt him for sport [AFFECTIONATE] Pleeeease drop the Cutest Tsutsumi Characters list... I must know...

DON'T REMIND ME OF TSUTSUMI'S POSSIBLE RETIREMENT I'LL MISS HIM SO BAD 😭😭😭😭😭that aside :] he's a nice man I respect him :] To Say The Least... OH BUT he did some dialect work in Kagerou Touge [only as the transgender chicken he plays not his actual character], Bali Big Brother, Tonbi, First Penguin, and uhhhh Jo's Singular Line LMAO [not all Kansai exactly IIRC but more Kansai-adjacent than Kanto]. Kagerou and First Penguin are my faves though methinks

DEFINITELY CHECKING OUT THE MOVIE WHEN I GET THE CHANCE... very intrigued about how it does things differently and of course the Snap Seal Of Approval means a great deal to me...

Kase is SUCH a bitch in the anime and manga perhaps especially Because he did have potential as a voice of reason but he's just being a hypocrite and abusing his knowledge of the situation; he's able to justify it only because he's Not Forty-Five Which Would Be Creepy But Twenty-One Is Fine Dude Trust Me which... is pretty real NGL guys like that do exist... in the same vein, on one hand I do want him to face some sort of consequence, but on the other hand I guess it's also pretty real for him to be able to get away with it. I Guess.

If nothing else I do really appreciate that episode for the contrasts between how Kase and Kondo act on [basically] the same "date," and how Akira reacts. Like OBVIOUS what the message of the ep is given Akira's thing with the pamphlets but let me cook... 'Cause Kase is conventionally attractive, he's not [as far] out of her age range [although he's still DECIDEDLY out of it], and a lot of girls who don't know any better would be thrilled to be pursued by a "cool mature guy" like him, but Akira cannot stand any of it. But with Kondo, the complete opposite, who is totally unattainable, she feels safe and comfortable.

Even so, she re-enacts Kase's behaviors on her "date" with Kondo, because that's what she knows and kids mimic the adults in their lives whether they know it or not, and it's largely by her own self-restraint that she doesn't go in for that kiss at the end and things don't end as badly as they could... MANY thoughts... head full...

BUT YEAH. NO. YEAH. The last couple eps go SO hard and for WHATTTTT 😭😭😭😭😭Haruka and Akira got me so fucked up... Haruka winning that black cat for her coinciding with Akira starting to back off from Kondo and rekindle things with Haruka instead... the rumor WAS real... uuuuugggggghhhhhhhhhhh

And CHIHIRO MY FRIEND CHIHIRO good god spending the whole fucking show thinking Kondo was just reminded of his wife or some girl-who-got-away by Akira... and then he picks up the book and It's No Help because Chihiro is a gender neutral name... AND THEN TURNS OUT IT'S HIS BOY BEST FRIEND REPRESENTING HIS YOUTH AND HIS PASSIONS AND IT'S ALL IN PARALLEL TO HARUKA AND AKIRA UUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OK that is enough for now I promise I will actually send in something RGG-related at <3 Some Point <3 SORRY to anyone having to scroll past these last couple of asks lmao

THATS WHAT IM SAYING literally my number one selling point for this show at this point is Keisuke Is The Cutest Old Man In Media Ever Please Witness Him. on the subject of Cute Men though the Cute Tsutsumi Chara list is relatively small since most of his roles evidently has him p serious or. Heinous. so like. top five's like:

1.) Keisuke (Tsuma, Shogakusei ni Naru) 2.) Saenai (Super Salaryman) 3.) Nobata (Not Quite Dead Yet) 4.) Ikegami (Why Don't You Play in Hell) 5.) Tsugaru (Hero SP)

a very hard list for me to make considering i think he has plenty of cute roles (if not just cute moments) in one way or another but..... thems the ones that had me going (´◡`ʃ♡ƪ) the most..

BUT WHAT DO YOU MEAAAN NOT TO REMIND YOU YOU TOLD ME ABOUT IT FIRST (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)(;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`) an important thing to remember anyhow.. maybe in the future he can direct movies that feature other cute middle-aged men (❁´◡`❁) greatly doubt any others will ever compete with The Paragon Of Middle-Aged Dudes but they can try...

you had me at Trnsgender Chicken huh. OH BUT YEAH i figured hiroshi was kansai-esque with his mannerisms/speech. bali big brother was one of the movies on my To-Watch list so i know what to look into this week now (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)

OH BUT I THOUGHT YOU SAW THE MOVIE i watched it ahead of time because of that ☠️☠️ BUT i look forward to you checkin it out !! again its p different tonally in some parts, esp with the vibe to haruka and tachibana's relationship (tho of course the underlying issue of their rocky friendship still exists, its just not as evident as it was in the anime).

AH BUT YEAH i appreciate kase for what he does as a narrative device and as a character in THAT regard i really like him: serving as a cautionary reality for people like tachibana who could be taken advantage of if around the wrong people while he simultaneously acts as though he knows what's best for her (and again, he has a point in her and kondo's age difference being egregious, but he's not exactly sailing on smooth waters either). with that in mind i appreciate that aspect of him didn't overstay it's welcome (for multiple reasons of course LMAO)

NOOO BUT HARUKA AND TACHIBANA'S RELATIONSHIP MENDING BY THE END THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKING TOO especially when they showed off haruka had her lil cat bro hanging on her bag.. and it was that hot-pink color to balance out the black one tachibana had (very kuromi/melody core if you ask me).... it really was super sweet that kondo and haruka got to mend their past relationships by the end of the anime like AAA it was SOOO good the build up and execution and eveything.. and i LOVE how the anime ends with the implication kondo and tachibana will start to really work on their aspirations- i always like those endings more than the ones where we see them already succeeding (❁´◡`❁)

AND YEYEYE THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT THE BUSINESS WITH CHIHIRO WAS GONNA BE TOO !!!!! IT WAS DEFINITELY INTENTIONAL ME THINKS LIKE ugh... AtR is masterful as all hell for everything it does i truly loved it a lot...

[aftitta]

Rapidweaver 3.5

#RAPIDWEAVER 3.5 MAC OS X#

#RAPIDWEAVER 3.5 UPGRADE#

#RAPIDWEAVER 3.5 SOFTWARE#

ANtics Episode 2.

Finally Got Around to Seeing Episode III.

Google Building Secret Massive Supercomputer.

A's Closer Comes Up Clutch to Stymie Seattle.

Bill Gates Steps Down as Microsoft Tumult Continues.

RapidWeaver 4.1 is available to download and buy from today in English, with localisations in French, German, Italian, and Japanese to follow.

#RAPIDWEAVER 3.5 UPGRADE#

A's Defeat Dodgers To Win Eighth Straight A new licence is priced at 79 for new users, whilst users of RapidWeaver 3.5 or earlier can upgrade for 30.ANtics Episode 2.17: The June Resurgence.Sactown Royalty: The Kings of NBA Blogging.

#RAPIDWEAVER 3.5 MAC OS X#

Mac OS X 10.5 Leopard Screenshots Leaked?.

ANtics Episode 2.18: A Whole New Ballgame.

Paul Oakenfold Back on Track With "A Lively Mind".

Public Funding for Sports Stadiums Is Ridiculous.

Listening to ''Spinal Column'', by Stereolab (Play Count: 6) Now I just have to stop visiting the page and refreshing to see if the software's been posted yet! But if you expect me to sit around while everyone else gets to muck around with the new version, you'd be way off. I'll definitely be doing a backup of everything from 3.2.1 at the very least before we go crazy. NimbleHost provides extensive documentation and user support for all their products, including User Forums, FAQs, Knowledge Libraries, Guides to RapidWeaver, User Product. But the more I read, the more I see how the company is warning people it is "beta" software, and it could go kablooey. When used as an adjunct to RapidWeaver, Qube supports all major web browsers: IE7/8+, Safari 4/5+, Firefox 3.5+, Chrome 5+, and Opera 10.5+ (IE6 is not fully supported). Everyone wants their grubby hands on it now - so they can mess with new themes, s and automatic Technorati pings, to name a few things.

#RAPIDWEAVER 3.5 SOFTWARE#

If you peruse the software developer's forum site, you can see the massive anticipation this release has brought. Speaking of which, the software I use to power this blog, RapidWeaver from Real Mac Software, is turning the big 3.5 tomorrow, up from its current iteration of 3.2.1, which has been in use since we relaunched in January. Five years later, it's pretty clear they had a pretty good thing going, but I've gotten a tad more conservative in my old age, and don't know if I'd do it the same way again. In fact, I think I payed $29.95 for the privilege to beta-test Apple's new OS. As it was, I still installed the OS that evening, and was tinkering with its Aquaness, even though I no longer could play DVDs, I didn't have anything that really was a "Finder", and it seemed the most-robust app was the included Chess program. It was all I could do to finish my Web projects before obliterating all my files, and I had to be diligent enough to back things up to an external drive or Zip files. I was at home, working to launch my new company's Web site, when a knock at the door, on a Saturday, delivered me the very, very beta copy of Mac OS X 10.0. I can even tell you the date - March 24, 2001. The best example of this was when I moved from Mac OS 9 to Mac OS X Public Beta. But with 1.0 software, it's fairly common to see things crash and burn, or the new features you were expecting to be so "cool" might actually not work after all. It's a long-standing tradition to download new software right when it comes out - and version 1.0 can be very exciting, especially if you've anticipated it for some time. Living on the bleeding edge can be fun, so long as you don't mind all the blood.

[hornime]

watch and learn | iwaizumi hajime x f!reader x team japan

there were two things they all had in common: the growing bulges in their pants that they were urgently trying to distract themselves from, and the fact that their full attention was on you.

warnings: 18+, timeskip!everyone, BIG MANGA SPOILERS BASICALLY, exhibitionism, voyeurism, orgasm denial

w/c: 3.1k

a/n: now i don’t know if iwaizumi hajime (27) athletic trainer learned about female orgasms when he was studying sports science at irvine BUT he def knows how to show a girl a good time which is reason enough for me to write this. also, i read this article to prep for this piece and it was super enlightening, so i do recommend giving it a read if you’re interested!

in the middle of his morning run, iwaizumi slowed momentarily to check the repetitive buzzing of this phone, curious as to who was messaging him this early. when he’d left the apartment, you were sleeping, and you had the tendency to still be sleeping by the time he returned, so who else could it be?

he unlocked his phone, quickly finding the source of the notifications: the team japan group chat.

[06:43 AM] miya: hey @iwaizumi—you know stuff abt the human body right?

[06:43 AM] miya: cus like you studied it in college and shit??

iwaizumi rolled his eyes. i spent four years in america to earn my degree, came back home to support my country’s olympic team, and dealt with the biggest idiots of volleyball, only to get treated like this?

[06:44 AM] iwaizumi: yes, miya. i took many courses on the human body. in fact that’s the purpose of my job. to know the human body. because i am a fucking athletic trainer.

[06:44 AM] miya: okay okay i get it. dumb question

[06:44 AM] iwaizumi: why? is something up? you need help or anything?

[06:44 AM] miya: uhhh kinda

[06:44 AM] miya: @hinata i’m not fucking asking this

[06:44 AM] bokuto: bro just do it

[06:44 AM] miya: @hinata @hinata @hinata 

iwaizumi cocked an eyebrow. what the hell are they going on about?

[06:45 AM] iwaizumi: so am i needed or...

[06:45 AM] hinata: YES

[06:45 AM] hinata: we had a question

[06:46 AM] sakusa: by “we” he means him, miya, and bokuto

[06:46 AM] suna: yeah don’t bring us into this

[06:46 AM] hinata: don’t listen to them! both suna and sakusa wanna know too

[06:46 AM] iwaizumi: okay. what’s up

[06:47 AM] hinata: we wanted to know how to make a girl cum

he chuckled in disbelief.

[06:47 AM] iwaizumi: you’re telling me that you guys are in your mid-20s, literal olympic athletes, and you don’t know how to make a girl cum

[06:47 AM] iwaizumi: have you never done it before??

[06:47 AM] miya: NO

[06:47 AM] miya: FOR THE RECORD IVE MADE MANY GIRLS CUM

[06:48 AM] bokuto: ME TOO

[06:48 AM] bokuto: i think

he laughed out loud, briefly startling another runner on the sidewalk.

[06:48 AM] iwaizumi: you guys are unbelievable

[06:48 AM] hinata: i mean she says she finished but idk what i did to make that happen

[06:48 AM] bokuto: ^^

[06:48 AM] hinata: so like i wanna know how to actually do it

[06:48 AM] suna: actually im kinda interested in this too

[06:48 AM] aran: i pray for your future girlfriends. this is painful to see. im out

[06:48 AM] kageyama: i’m with aran on this one. you guys are dumb

[06:48 AM] hinata: shut up. you suck.

[06:48 AM] miya: cmon iwaizumi, help a guy out

[06:48 AM] sakusa: it wouldnt hurt for you to give us some pointers at least

iwaizumi sighed.

[06:49 AM] iwaizumi: @miya @hinata @bokuto @suna @sakusa meet in the locker room after practice. ill give you guys a lesson in the art of pleasing a woman

to teach effectively, he needed a volunteer, though he was sure you wouldn’t need much convincing. you’d always loved the attention, and the biceps, of the pro athletes. he spun on his heel and jogged home.

you woke up to the sound of your apartment door opening, your boyfriend creeping inside, forehead damp with sweat.

“hey,” you said quietly, making your way towards him.

“hey, baby. sorry for waking you up, i was trying to be quiet.”

you giggled sleepily. “s’okay, haji. you spoil me too much anyway, always letting me sleep in for hours while you’re off doing god knows what.”

at that, his eyes crinkled in amusement, and as you tried to step into a hug, he shuffled back. “woah there, baby. i gotta shower, ‘m all gross from my run. and then,” he gave you a peculiar look that you couldn’t quite place, “i got a proposition for you.”

after his shower, he waltzed out of the bathroom, steam wafting out from behind the door. his tanned body made you feel things you definitely shouldn’t be barely an hour after the sun’s risen, and you reached out to massage the tension in his shoulders. “so, what’s your proposition?”

“well,” he hesitated. “it’s a bit... unconventional. the team asked me to show them how to make a girl cum,” he took in your intrigued expression. “and it’d be a lot easier to explain if i had someone to do a live demonstration with. so,” his eyes flicked up to you. “that’s where you’d come in.”

“a... live demonstration? like you’re gonna make me cum in front of them?”

“yeah, essentially.” he gave you a devilish grin. “you want that, baby? wanna show those boys how a real man treats a gorgeous woman like you?”

you rubbed your thighs at his words. “yeah,” you purred. “i do. wanna show them how good you are to me.”

and that’s how you found yourself nestled between iwaizumi’s muscled thighs, back pressed against his chest, completely naked, with five of japan’s best volleyball players staring at your body in awe.

practically an expert in his field, iwaizumi knew the human body inside and out. this had many benefits; of course it allowed him to catapult up the ranks and work with the country’s best athletes to keep them at the top of their game, but it also had a unique side effect: an overwhelming vault of knowledge on how to make a woman feel good anywhere. 

you’d seen the proof firsthand; he knew exactly where to push, prod, stroke, and tease to have you cumming in seconds, over and over, as many times as you wanted. he was amazing, and you were well-aware just how lucky you were to have such a talented man in the sheets.

“oi,” iwaizumi snapped his fingers, drawing each of the players’ eyes away from your glistening cunt. “pay attention. i know more than anybody that she’s hot as fuck, but you gotta listen to what i’m saying or else there’s no point to this.”

he lightly pressed his lips against your collarbone, slowly tracing them against your jaw, the contact making you squirm. “if you wanna make a girl cum, first thing you gotta do is make her comfortable. if she’s worried about how she looks or sounds or smells she’s gonna be too stressed to let go.” he moved his hands to grope your tits, his calloused fingers brushing over your hardening nipples. “so reassure her, tell her how irresistible she is, how pretty her moans are, how tasty her pussy is. shit like that. the sexier she feels the better it’ll be.”

he leaned into you, whispering into your ear. “feeling good, baby? we can stop whenever.”

you nodded weakly, afraid to open your mouth, barely holding in your whines as his palms worked wonders on your chest and stomach, sending shocks of heat wherever they touched. 

you craned your neck up to observe the men before you. atsumu was flushed red, wringing his hands as if he was worried they’d do something embarrassing if he didn’t keep them occupied. hinata was bouncing his leg up and down, wiping his palms on his shorts as he took in the plushness of your thighs. bokuto was basically drooling, greedily tracing your soft curves with his eyes. suna maintained his indifferent expression, but the reddening tips of his ears showed that he was a lot more hot and bothered than he let on. sakusa stood quietly to the side, leaning against the wall, mask tucked under his chin as if he’d just realized how much the temperature had gone up in the room.

there were two things they all had in common: the growing bulges in their pants that they were urgently trying to distract themselves from, and the fact that their full attention was on you.

"make sure to try different things; there’s multiple ways to make a woman cum. only like a quarter of women experience orgasms just from penetration,” someone made a sound of shock. “yes, the number is that small, bokuto.” 

his fingertip slowly trailed past your belly button, dipping into the mess between your thighs, causing you to slightly arch your back into the solid chest supporting you. “foreplay with the clit is your best bet; even stupid fucks like you probably wouldn’t screw it up too bad.”

hinata opened his mouth to speak, but iwaizumi anticipated his question and continued.

“i know you’re wondering where the clit is. it’s around here, under this hood of skin,” he slid his digit between your labia. “s’not gonna come with a label so you gotta explore a little bit. i know where hers is like the back of my hand, but for you guys, with your girls, you’re gonna have to move your fingers around. slowly. and pay attention to her expressions.” he began to rub in a circular motion around your clit, causing you to make small whimpers of pleasure and shift your hips to meet his movements. 

“if she clenches up or twitches when you feel a certain spot, like this,” your legs flexed as he increased the pressure, “that’s the clit. be kind, it’s not a volleyball. be gentle n’ make small circles, whether it’s with your fingers or your tongue.” 

he thought for a second. “speaking of which, oral’s important. very important. most women cum when they’ve been eaten out, so use your mouths for something more useful than just dirty talk. suck on the clit, maybe tongue-fuck her a ‘lil, but your main focus should always be the clit.”

he removed his hands from your sopping pussy, and you made a pathetic noise of frustration. “’m sorry, baby,” he muttered seductively in your ear. “don’t wanna have you finishing too early. lesson’s barely started.”

he turned his attention back to your audience, his lustful tone being replaced by a more instructional one. “there’s other places that’ll help a woman orgasm, too: her nipples, her neck, her ears—”

“her ears?” sakusa questioned. he blushed profusely as everyone turned to look at him, surprised that he’d opened his mouth. “what? we were all thinking it.”

“s’a valid question,” iwaizumi said. “yeah, you can lick ‘em if they’re sensitive. hers are.” as if to prove his statement, he licked a stripe on the shell of you ear, making you wiggle helplessly at the stimulation. “‘n leave kisses everywhere else. feels good for them just like it does for us.” he wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him and forcing your movements to stop as he traced patterns with his tongue all around your neck.

“something you should know about an orgasm is that it’s something called a positive feedback loop.” he looked up and was met with five blank stares. shouldn’t have expected anything from these dumb jocks, he lamented. “basically that means that, once you start releasing sexual tension, things will feel better and better until you climax.”

“oh!” atsumu chirped. “like how my sets get better and better throughout a game.”

“no, not really,” he quipped. “your sets suck throughout.” atsumu frowned at that.

iwaizumi exhaled exasperatedly. “the general idea is that the body gets more and more sensitive, muscle contractions become more and more frequent, and touches feel more and more stimulating until you cum. all right?”

they all made noises of understanding except for bokuto and hinata, whose eyes had glazed over at the first mention of an academic term. whatever, iwaizumi thought. they’ll get it through example.

"don’t worry about it too much if you don’t get it, that’s just an orgasm on paper. in practice, though, this is the crucial step: listen to her. she knows what feels good. never forget that you’re just an idiot with a cock.” he took a breath, gathering his thoughts before proceeding with his lecture.

“if she tells you to slow down, you slow down. if she tells you to go harder, you go harder. if she tells you to keep doing what you’re doing, you...”

“keep doing what you’re doing”, they all chimed in at staggered times.

“that’s right. don’t go faster or else you’ll mess up the rhythm and she won’t cum. and you wanna make her cum, don’t you?”

they nodded simultaneously.

“so if you keep up the tempo and force that feels good to her, you’ll be fine. questions?”

suna spoke up. “what about,” he choked on the word. “penetration?”

hinata hummed in agreement and bokuto jumped in. “yeah, what if i wanna make her cum on my cock?”

iwaizumi made a weird face. “that’s some pretty advanced stuff, but i guess i can go over it. when you try it, though, you have to be patient. with both of your bodies. s’not rocket science but s’not always easy. also it depends on the woman but sometimes she physically won’t be able to finish from penetration alone. just make sure you’re communicating.”

his swirled two fingers over your hole before shoving them in, your wetness making it easy for him to thrust in and out as your entrance stretched to accommodate him. “f—fuck!” your eyes flew open at the intrusion and you body lurched forward, but you were held back by his strong forearm. “ohmygod, oh my g—ah! feels s’good haji, s’good!”

“i know, baby, i know. you’re taking it so well.” he turned his attention back to the men, each of who were gulping heavily. if that didn’t signal to you that they were evidently affected by your moans, the way they shifted in their workout shorts did.

“boys, focus.” he curled his fingertips, brushing at the spongy spot at the top of your walls, ripping a pleasured wail from your throat and causing tears to prick at your eyelashes. “when you’re fingering her, you’ll feel an area inside that’s a bit soft and squishy. that’s the g-spot.”

you trembled in his arms as he mercilessly struck the same place over and over again with his fingers. “when you’re fucking her, try to keep the pressure building there, but it’ll be harder to make her finish since you can’t see what you’re doing.”

your breath hitched as iwaizumi’s incessant movements brought your body tantalizingly close to your release. he suddenly stopped and you almost sobbed in disappointment, until he plunged his fingers impossibly deeper.

a guttural scream of ecstasy came from within you, and your eyes rolled back as he began playing with another part of you, your body putty in his hands. “hngh, haji, ah! so good, s’good...” you threw your hands back around his neck, nails digging into the skin as you desperately tried to keep yourself grounded. your soft moans filled the air.

“stop clenching,” he hissed. “can barely move my hand.” you tried to relax but failed miserably as the tips of his fingers grazed your cervix. 

“holy fuck,” suna muttered. “you’re a god.”

“she sounds so pretty,” atsumu said in amazement.

“i wanna make a girl feel good like that, too!” bokuto sulked.

“you can do it, bokuto!” hinata hit him on the arm. “just listen to iwaizumi. clearly he knows what he’s talking about.” 

their eyes refocused on your figure, writhing in pleasure, prompting white hot waves of arousal to pool in their stomachs. 

“yeah,” sakusa said. “clearly.”

“stop talking,” iwaizumi ordered. “and listen. beyond the g-spot is the cervix, which is basically the end of the vagina. if you’re long enough,” he briefly scanned each of their faces, “which i’m sure you are, you’ll be able to reach it if you bottom out.”

“haji—hajime, please.” the stimulation was coming absolutely unbearable, and you could tell he was sadistically holding you at the edge, refusing to give you the satisfaction of finishing. “lemme cum, please. please lemme cum, please, please, i can’t—i can’t take it ‘nymore!”

“what was that? you can’t take it anymore? gonna cum?” you helplessly bobbed your head up and down, hoping that he’d give you permission. “well,” he growled, “we can’t have that happening, can we?”

he abruptly halted his thrusts, pulling his fingers out of you with an embarrassing squelch and popping them into his mouth. pearly tears rolled down your cheeks as you grieved the loss of contact and relief.

your viewers looked on in horror, feeling immense sympathy for you; you just looked so dejected from being denied yet another orgasm.

“why didn’t you—why didn’t you let her cum?” bokuto asked.

“why do you think?” iwaizumi snapped. “don’t want you guys to see her when she does. that’s for me, and only me.”

“oh, okay,” he responded, disgruntlement clear in his voice.

iwaizumi’s glare could cut glass, it was so sharp. the possessiveness that had enveloped his mind made him hyperfocus on just one thought: being alone with you. “so, any other questions? if not, we’re done here.”

you pouted at that, not wanting the demonstration to be over. “but haji,” you mumbled into his collarbone. “i di’nt get to cum. and i wanna.” you looked up at him, eyes wide with want. “please make me cum.”

iwaizumi sent a harsh glance to the players that nonverbally communicated his message loud and clear: get out. they shuffled awkwardly out of the locker room due to the hardness between their legs that they would most definitely need to deal with soon.

your boyfriend turned his attention back to you. “’m sorry, i know i had to deny you a bunch of times. i just really hated the idea of anyone but me seeing the cute way you look when you cum.”

you made a small noise of acknowledgement and a little whisper of it’s okay, haji. he looked down, sensing the way your poor, desperate cunt was pulsing around nothing, the erotic sight injecting him with the pure need to ravage you.

he shifted his head to kiss you passionately. “why don’t i make it up to you?” he breathed between your parted lips before picking you up by the backs of your thighs, forcing you to lock your ankles around his waist. 

he delicately situated you onto one of the recovery beds at the back of the room, before murmuring something that made your pussy throb in anticipation: “i’ll make you cum whichever way you want, however many times you want, all right? all you gotta do is lay back and take it.”

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