#and i wanted to explore/write this kind of dynamic where a slow change happens

[scriptstructure]

!! NSFW WARNING !! Hey, I totally understand if you don't want to answer this I've been trying to write smut. Specifically, an orgy with ~15 characters with ~7 of them having more focus. Things are happening at the same time and partners/groups are changed all the time and not together i.e. a single person finishes and just joins somewhere else. I don't know how/when to start switching who/which group to write about or even backtrack to a different group. It's rather jumbled up now.

I think the most important thing to remember when it comes to writing sex scenes, is:

Sex scenes are action sequences

We are developing a series of acts between a number of characters, and we hope to do a number of things:

There is an arc of action, beginning at the beginning point, moving though the action, and a crescendo & denoument

Who did what -/With whom -/and where

Give a sense of mood, theme, and continuity with the rest of the story (or, jarring discontinuity, if that's what you're using it for)

and so on, as with any other action scene

So, as we do with any kind of action sequence, we need to figure out the order of events, the way that we want to feel about those events*, and the time we're going to take to show all of this.

First up, you probably want to think about how central this scene is to your story. Is it a major incident, or a minor incident? ie, do we want to spend a lot of page space and detail on it, or is it something that just needs to be glossed over in a few paragraphs, just so we know that it happened?

This is going to change depending on what you're trying to do with the sex scene, and what your story is about.

Second up, the 'blocking' or figuring out the choreography of the scene. Who is where, what are they doing, and with whom. You can probably figure out a skeleton outline, just so that you can be sure that characters have time to participate in each scenario that you're including them in. (This is also a good time to think about the pace and rhythm of the scene--are there going to be snack breaks, lulls in the action, time for characters to catch their breath, etc)

If you're having trouble thinking of how to shift focus between different groupings, think about when and why the characters decide to move on from what they're doing to join someone else. Or about how what each group is doing might change the vibe of the scene.

Then, we'll think about mood. The mood can shift throughout the scene, eg frantic/ high energy->slow/ romantic->lazy/sated, or nervous->focussed->confident, whatever the emotional beats and journeys that you want to show.

Mood is also something which is going to lend a great deal to the scene in terms of communicating what it is for** in the story. Is this scene a way of showing the group dynamic, or of exploring individual character's psychology, or illustrating a cultural norm, or of celebrating a victory, or any other thing that it could be about. These characters are having sex, why are they doing that, and what does it mean in the context of the narrative.

So now we know that we need to have an understanding of what the purpose of this scene is in the overall narrative, what exactly happens and in what order, what sort of mood we're trying to evoke with this scene, and what other things we might be learning about character/ place/ culture through this scene.

Next, what about some examples of books that use sex scenes with more or less complex staging to develop various plots and themes:

In the Court of the Nameless Queen by Natalie Ironsides->exploration of gender and identity, with both orgy scenes and couple scenes

Exquisite Corpse by Poppy Z Brite/ Billy Martin->this is a horror novel featuring two serial killers falling in love, look up some content warnings if that sounds like it isn't for you

Leash by Jane Delynn-> a classic of lesbian weirdo-erotica, about societal alienation and BDSM

Some posts about plotting and POV that might be useful:

Multiple plots with different character groups [HERE] Multiple plots that converge at the end [HERE] Multiple plots and subplots [HERE] Multiple POV characters and narrative shape [HERE] Third person POV and focalisation 'depth' [HERE] First person POV strengths and limitations [HERE]

I hope that's helpful! If there's anything that needs clarifying, please don't hesitate to ask again!

-Mason

*note: you might think that I'd say that we're assuming that people should read the sex scene to get horny about it, but that is just one option of many, and while it has its place, there are far more things that you can do with a sex scene

**note: I also do want to be clear that there's nothing wrong with writing sex scenes explicitly for the horny factor. That, traditionally, is one of the major reasons to include sex scenes in a story. But I do think that more narrative weight makes a sex scene more memorable and interesting.

[inell]

I'm so confident that we're getting Buddie, that my brain always interjects and goes, "NO! There's a chance they will never capitalise on Buddie.." And then I get anxious and mad over everything, like "Why aren't they on set filming?!" 😂 When I personally know that they're not on set every single second of every single day!

I hate my brain!

(And the fact that Buddie hug got leaked! I think that's where it started to catastrophize because everyone started panicking Ry is leaving!)

Hey Nonnie! I can definitely understand having doubts and convictions that conflict because this ship is something else. Narratively, it makes the most sense for them to get together. I can look at the seasons and where they could have definitely done a “bro only, no homo” type of friendship change to emphasize they wouldn’t ever go there in canon. The fact they didn’t but instead gave us more closeness and developed the relationship to where non shippers are even going hmm had to mean something.

But, on the other hand, I’m a fandom old, and I won’t believe anything is happening until I see it happen. 😂 Do I think they have a potential goldmine with stumbling into a slow burn friends to lovers arc that can be seen developing over seven seasons? Yep. Do I think they’ll follow that to a natural conclusion and actually give us what most of us can see? Who knows. I hope so just for the novelty of actually seeing the narrative followed and seeing this kind of dynamic in broadcast tv.

I’m not someone who cares if a ship is canon, so I’m going to be loving Buddie and reading/writing (hopefully soon!)/viewing art etc regardless of what happens. I love the platonic soulmate relationships in found family a lot in general. That being said, I would love to see them get together romantically and for the show to let us see how their relationship changes, especially with the sexuality dynamics and friends/partners at work as well as romantically, and the Chris of it all, and the domestic bits we get to see in other relationships explored.

As for Ryan, he’s been very clear that he has no intention of leaving the show. Why would he? It’s a stead paycheck in a fickle industry during a really crappy economic time in this country. The show runner loves him, he’s close with his costars, and he enjoys the job. He has no reason to want to leave, and this flurry of “OMG Ryan’s leaving” has been happening every hiatus for years now.

If anything, I hope they give us Buddie because then we’ll see more of them with other people and story arcs that develop outside of romantic lives, which seems to be what both characters often get given when they’re single besties. Let them have double dates with Henren and copying Rear Window a la Michael and David or getting into silly shenanigans together that isn’t hinging on who they’re dating because they’ll be together.

[harpershigh]

Rules

First and foremost:

NO MINORS. No exceptions. This blog is +18 only and all minors who interact will be blocked.

Personals (non-RP blogs):

You are all welcome to chat, comment, like, reblog and interact with all my stuff! Just don't reblog the threads, tagged as [ ❧ — interactions 》 (name of the character) ]. The only reason I ask this it's because the people involved in the thread might accidentally lose their turn to reply if there are too many reblogs on it :(

So if you want something from a thread in your blog, hit me in my DMs and we can see a way of putting it in a separate post for you! ❤️ Aside from that, go wild!

About the themes in this blog:

My only no-gos in what regards to writing are: Alzheimer, Dementia, Parkinson, and other neurological degenerative diseases, including temporary conditions such as Delirium. I will not read nor write those, and I'd like it to be tagged if we're mutuals and these ever pops up in your blog.

As for other themes I won't write (but these ones I have no problem reading, or interacting with characters who go through them, and they don't need to be tagged): Self-harm, suicide or suicide ideation, character death. Read more about this here in this post: ABOUT THE THEMES IN THIS BLOG

Shipping:

My Jaheira is open for shipping, come kiss the grandma. Be warned though, that it will be a slowburn because she's emotionally constipated. If you're a shameless ship whore like me, we can have threads set at different points in their relationship so we don’t have to wait for them to stop being idiots before we get to the good romance stuff.

Regarding OCs:

This blog is super OC-friendly! I’d love to meet your blorbos, hear about their relationships, and explore the dynamics you have in mind with Jaheira. The more you share, the better we can plot together!

Although love OCs, I have personal reservations about self-inserts due to past experiences. Interacting with them makes me very uncomfortable, so please respect that and don’t insist.

General interactions:

I'm not mutuals-only. Bring on your ideas or send a rp meme and we can interact;

RP memes never expire here, just link to it so I may know where you got it from;

Feel free to turn asks into threads;

Needless to say, MUN =/= MUSE, the character's views DO NOT represent my own;

NSFW allowed, but I'd rather have it under a "read more" cut (because yes I write at work :D );

Be warned that I'm a complete clown irl so no matter how traumatic and angst our thread is, I will probably send you a meme about it. Let me know if it's not your vibe and I'll refrain from doing so;

I will never bug you about a reply, and none of my interactions comes with any kind of pressure. Take all the time you need in our threads, and in our communication out of the character too;

Don't need to match styles or length in replies;

Feel free to drop any thread at any given time, you don't even need to warn me, I'll never be mad about it or most probably I won't remember it;

I can write only in portuguese, english or spanish. Unfortunately I can't comprehend any other languages :(

Although I try to keep Jaheira as canon-compliant as possible, I'm all in for crossovers, AUs and canon-divergent lore characters;

Feel free to take small liberties such as a change of scene/scenario/introduce more characters, and even describe minor reactions of my muse (a look, a shift in the attention, a sigh, etc), specially if previously plotted, but please don't write away all of my muse's actions/speeches;

Multiverse, multiship, polyship, crossover, rarepairing, crackships friendly. That means: each ship and dynamic happens in a separate timeline of its own, unless stated otherwise and properly plotted with all the muns involved;

No rush on replies! I'm a slow writer, mostly because I write first in my mother tongue and then translate it to english... So yeah, please be patient with me. Also, I'm pretty laid-back, so no need to feel pressured to reply quickly, be it in threads or in DMs. I'm super low-maintenance too — if we don't talk for months, I'll still reply like no time has passed.

NO DRAMA. I don't want to know what XYZ said on a Discord server; I don't want to read a full thread on Twitter about your bickering. Don't try to guilt me into stop taking to someone. Don't tag me in callout posts. Don't come to my inbox to talk shit about other people, especially if they're POC. Whatever your personal problems with others are, DON'T INVOLVE ME.

NO RACISM, HOMOPHOBIA, TRANSPHOBIA, ETC. I can, of course, interact with biased characters, but DON'T make it an excuse to be an asshole in the real world.

ADDENDUM: Don't "softblock" me. I use mostly Tumblr mobile, so most of times I'll just think I unfollowed you unintentionally (because the app does that) and I will follow again. Either ignore me or hard block me at once.

[manneatcrarc]

get to know the author!

name : Sara

pronouns :  she/her

preference of communication : Discord, I'm still kinda slow there but I have a tendency to forget about the IMs

most active muse : 100% Dama, I’m only in the mood for my other muses every once in a while

experience / how many years : … that’s a really great question. I just generally go with saying 10+ years cause that feels right but I’ve been rping for a long ass time and couldn’t tell you exacts

best experience : When I wrote as Hestia (Greek goddess of the Hearth) and the first time I had Ishtar (Mesopotamian goddess of Love & War) a few years ago cause let me tell you, the mythology community was poppin. Everyone was so open and it was beyond fun to explore all these kinds of relationships, especially the familial bonds within a pantheon.

rp pet peeves : Hands down godmodding. Most of my muses I've had for years and have poured an insane amount of love into them and for someone else to control them??? Especially my ocs? Hardblocked on sight. Minor godmodding is chill, like if you're muse hands mine something and its assumed that they take it or if your muse wants mine to follow yours because that moves the thread along. But to essentially write my muse for me and change core things about them or what their realistic reactions are is an absolute no go. I recently had something like this happen to Dama where the other mun turned her into this sniveling little girl to make their muse look better and it was so fucking gross. If you want something specific to happen I'd prefer we talk about it.

fluff, angst, or smut : I love me some good fucking fluff, and if we have a fun/close dynamic going on I'll absolutely eat angst up. As for smut, I used to write it a lot a few years ago but it's not something that interests me now.

plots or memes : Both! I like plotting around memes with new partners and I think it's the easiest way to get things going.

long or short replies : I prefer shorter replies, like 1-2 paragraphs, for the most part. Anything longer I need a plot to follow and they tend to take longer for me to put out. I have to literally be in love with you to have muse for a novella thread though.

time to write : When I can't lol Like when I'm at work or its really late and I have to go to sleep soon-- or even like rn. I have a lot a muse but I have to leave in a few minutes to hang out with my family.

are you like your muses : Kinda but not really. Parts of myself will seep into my muses, but it's nothing ever too crazy.

tagged by: @worthless-weight-in-gold thank you beeb <3 tagging: you! Tag me so I can be nosy!

[formula-fun]

Hi, love! ♥️ Just wanted to let you know that after each update of your fic, I need a couple of days to recover and stop non-stop thinking about it. 😂 (You’re THAT good of a writer 🤷🏻‍♀️😭❣️) As always, incredible work, I love how you choose not to rush things and do justice to your characters by giving them time to grow. Though, I’d REALLY love them to have a baby by the end of the series, I can see your point of not trying to “force” a baby into their lives for the time being. With that being said, please, take your time (as if you need me to give you a permission for that) and do what feels natural and right. I’ll be over here impatiently waiting to read ANY POTENTIAL chapter 3, 4, 5, 6 … of the series (🥹🙏🏻🤞🏻) as well as ANY of your work. Have a beautiful day/night. LOVEEEEE ♥️

P.S. For the future, I think, I’d love to see the possible/potential chapter 3 of the series cover their journey to pregnancy/parenthood and will be fairer to Charles, his condition, gender and first pregnancy. Again, absolutley NO pressure, just a mere idea. 🤞🏻❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️

M

Hiii thank you so much!! You’re so sweet 💛💛 It’s been so fun to write something kinda heavy and slow like this, and I really love knowing people like reading it and digesting it slowly too!! So glad you’re liking it 💛 I’m gonna answer the rest under the cut in case it’s spoilers that people don’t want!

I know a lot of people want them to have a baby really soon and I definitely thought about it, but ultimately it’s not something I really think is possible in this fic. this has always been a fic about them having a miscarriage and dealing with how it’s pushed them together or apart. The core of it to me has always been about how that’s a catalyst for them exploring themselves and their own relationship, and the ultimate conclusion of a story that explores those things is them finding resolution with themselves and each other, not just an answer to whether or not they can have a baby. They’re only just figuring out how to love each other and do their jobs while also acknowledging their own needs, and to throw a baby in at the very end that would put their careers on hold and completely change the dynamic of a household they haven’t even really built yet just didn’t feel right to them or to their kid. So idk if you’ll see that in chapter 6, sorry for the spoiler! I promise they’ll have more than enough on their hands without a baby on top of it

Also, the pregnancy was kinda one in a million already, and Charles hasn’t even been to the doctor yet to make sure he’s okay. Max doesn’t even know if he wants to retire or if he was just using Charles’ pregnancy as a reason to put his career on hold. They have a lot to figure out so it might not be possible for them, at least not right now!! And do they even want it rn? Who knows. They certainly do not fjgjfhdhfh like they haven’t even had The Talk yet. Are they even together???? They don’t know they love each other. They have some things to talk about before they have a child

BUT! If it makes you feel better in my head there is a universe where they never have kids and adopt once they’re 40, and there’s a universe where they have three kids. Life is easier for them in the universe where they adopt, but in both they’re ultimately happy. Idk if I’ll ever write either since this fic consumed my life already but I do have a vague outline of what would happen if Charles were to get pregnant again. It’s about as intense emotionally as this was, and a lot more complicated. Raising kids is hard, especially when one parent is always on the road. But idk!!! If I end up writing it it’ll probably be less linear than this and more of a series of vignettes or something

Thank you so much, I appreciate your patience so much and just am genuinely so happy to get comments like this 💛💛💛💛 love love love hearing from people about my silly little fic!!! you’re so so kind and I hope you’re doing well! Xoxoxoxoxo

[dudenastii]

the intense slow burn between sire and solas csn b so deep.

this is my own brain rot but during thr balcony scene i think sire would ask solas why he depends so heavily on the fade for his facts. Ofc hed ramble out so many reasons so many excuses and sire would finally just go off on him and flip the tables. is he one of the good ones too? Is he too prideful and too astute to admit hes wrong? I think theyd go their seperate ways but solas would think hard maybe someone like cole would mention how much work sire has put into trying to understand him. That if hed let ppl theyd help him and hed could have more to life than- ofc solas gets pissy and he's like okay well let me just think on it let me ruminate like he does and he decides he really does value his relationship with sire he really values having somebody in his Corner even if they don't know everything even if he has to lie to them and even if it caused him in the long run he wants to have that connection and honestly everything in veilgaurd shows me that he is literally touch-starved he is starved for connections I'm sorry like and the fact that Sarah is a coronary makes it even more interesting because he has to bridge that Gap of race and culture and I find that far more interesting than what we were given not that you know I'm against the OG like pairing I don't I don't care I'm just saying for my personal Canon and stuff I just want to explore him having to navigate not only like is misgivings on the whole world but his interpersonal ones a little bit more and for him to really untangle things and actually start helping and paying his you know his dues and I think that starts with his relationship with sire in Inquisition and slowly he begins to kind of realize that he is wrong but he's already so far that he can't do anything so and with any of the endings that happened I think sire would go with him or at least try to and he would figure out a way to get to him if anything because the biggest thing about sire he does not think anybody deserves to be alone like indefinitely yes I suppose where Solas is going in the fade that there's Spirits he could probably talk to but come on come on now and like if we're going to redeem all these other people and Dragon Age and all of that I think Solis deserves to be redeemed after he does more work into personally and then he does more work in the Greater Community even if that's from the fade somehow or some way that he can go in and out of the fade you know and still have the veil being tacked and I'm sure you could do that and writing and I think that's something that I would try to do or him somehow Aid the dalish from the fade that would be cool too because I think the daily is out of all of the people he's wrong besides Dwarfs (they need all his help too) deserve his attention and all his knowledge and him to be taught by them he needs to be taught by them he needs to get with the fucking program I don't know why people are so like hell bent on having him be like a fucking old ass Boomer who has no Dynamic change even though in veilguard they did try to give him that Dynamic change I don't know that's just me but I think they're sober would be so interesting to write and to like put on display like on working that prejudice on working like cuz it starts with the interpersonal work and then you can start making big big changes in the world and I think that's something that Solas is bad at doing and that's why he failed because he doesn't actually know how to do interpersonal work without being a fucking liar and manipulating people and when he is telling the truth he gets fucking scared and he runs away because he's like okay bitch I have all these other lies that I have to attend to I don't know that's just me bye

[seabugsbaby]

u better not have been joking bc the way I will write paragraphs abt it RN!!!!!!!!!!!

ok ok ok so. I’m super into Revolutionary Girl Utena n Dungeon Meshi (and Nier Automata 😭😭) for like, tragic complicated relationships right. But also for white swan->black swan character arcs. (Adeline/Ilithiya’s story is a HUGE example of this, honestly the prototype for my cotl au storyline) I’m also super into trauma dynamics and mirrored characters. Like being shown what ‘could’ve been’ and navigating that. Also Cw for implied neglect and mentioning of trauma n stuff.

In my au, lamb (Lacey) is a super Shoujo-y, optimistic sort of gal. So she spares all of the old gods and tries to get them to confront their issues and heal yk. For her, the whole point of taking Nari’s place (though she refuses to ascend) is being able to be kind. As a vessel, everything was stronger than her, so she had to be cruel and cut everything down. Now she wants to be as mortal and pacifistic as possible. Everything the old gods weren’t.

Her openness abt her dreams and her fears allows Nari to be vulnerable too, and they help each other heal a bit. Their final battle happens bc Lacey ‘knows there’s another way’ but Nari is BEYOND UPSET and aches so much at her lamb’s struggle. She’s convinced that the only way for them to be happy together is through Lacey’s sacrifice. But Lacey defeats her and they both show up at the cult n make up n everything. That’s basically their whole thing. Angsty friends-to-more-than-lovers deal.

The old gods are very much a complicated dysfunctional family. The situation with Nari was a fearful overreaction to Nari starting to lash out. I haven’t ironed out all the details of that yet, but generally, everyone reacted with fear and hurt each other, and their godhood allowed them to intensify those feelings of anger and hurt. But the old gods DO get better. Everyone DOES heal eventually. Lacey is patient and giving and she’s rewarded for it.

Now imagine you’re another vessel who non-stop PRAYED for that kind of world because yours is absolutely empty. You desperately want connection with your goddess, but she does everything to make you miserable. She makes you kill your mentor, the only one who understands you and gives you a place to forget your duties for a single moment. She makes you sacrifice your followers and not hold funerals. She makes every death slow and painful, forcing you to fight even when you’re pretty much a corpse. You are pushed to extinction, refused rest or comfort, and you still excel at everything. You obey and obey, again and again, making the land barren because that’s what your goddess demands. But in the final battle, she tries to kill you just as easily as when she showed you affection. She doesn’t even hesitate. She says she knew you’d be a failure.

And after you execute her, you’re dropped into a perfect world. You see your old gods change. You see a mirror of yourself being loved. She’s pure and beautiful and kind. And it makes you wonder if your goddess could’ve changed, had you spared her. But that’s the whole thing–it didn’t matter, you were already different by the final battle. There is no world where you would’ve spared her.

That’s Camilo, the goat.

oml and that’s literally just the first angle of the conflict.

Idk if im getting it across, but I want to explore self-destruction (and trauma dynamics) on a more mythical and nuanced scale. Like, not “i am an abuse victim so I do this” (not that any reaction to trauma is wrong or bad, I just like exploring how complicated it can be) but how people react differently to trauma and how they self-destruct differently too.

Lacey is heavily coded in “goodness” but she’s just as self-destructive as Camilo, she just rationalizes it. She ‘needs to sacrifice herself’ for the betterment of Nari’s family, and thus the achievement of her dream world, and ‘only she can do it because she can take it.’ She wants them to be happy, but she’s also willing to do anything to get there. So, simply because she can handle their anger, she lets them hurt her. And there’s good and bad parts of that. It works, and it’s worth it, but it grooms her into complacency. It reaffirms her idea that she can bring everyone a happy ending WITHOUT sacrificing her own. It’s both rational and irrational, motivated by a heart of gold, legitimate knowledge and thought-out-reason, and her inner turmoil. She gets so stuck in sacrificing herself that she doesn’t realize when she’s sacrificed her own perfect ending. And it ultimately brings her nothing. I’m still fine-tuning the storyline n the ending tho.

Idk. At this point im just rambling. But i will continue to do so if i am asked to!!! I have SO many thoughts abt my au oml. Can u tell I have a huge interest in philosophy and psychology. lololol

Also they are all latino. Idk how a goat n a sheep can be latino but ive latino-fication beam’d them.

need need need someone to yell abt my cotl au at. please good lord above,, plague one of my irl friends with a cotl obsession I BEG!!! 🙏🙏🙏

[essencering]

↳ summary: "even though you are without a crest, you can still be of use to this family." words your family has repeated over and over again, haunting your thoughts and changing your course in life in ways that have been good, but also worse. ↳ Tags: Female Reader, Sylvain Jose Gautier, SFW, One Another's Personal Problems, Arranged Marriage, Crestless Reader, Drama, Romance (Eventually), Apathetic Reader, Tags To Be Added Slowly.

writer's blurp: wanted to write a short series where sylvain and a crestless reader are stuck in an arranged marriage and care very little for how they view one another. but-- i'm also a sucker for little moments where folks watch out and care for the other.

;; chapter one

You wake up and begin the ritual of your day.

Opening your window, allowing fresh air into your room while you pick a bucket of water (sloshing around inside of it a coarse cotton rag) you had grabbed for use today. You take a deep breath before removing your sleep clothes, setting them in one heap on the floor at the foot of your bed before squatting down to begin wiping the sweat off your body before putting your uniform on.

Each night is the same, you tuck yourself in after saying a prayer to no one in particular, a habit drilled into your actions more than anything real. Your words are hollow, your heart is empty and your mind is haunted by one line over and over again.

"even though you are without a crest, you can still be of use to this family."

It's funny how something said so long ago, by so many others now haunts your sleep as much as it does your waking hours while living in that house. The whispers followed you to the officer's academy at Garreg Mach Monastery.

Not a moment of peace for the wicked, you sigh scrubbing harder at your skin that you needed to just to remove the stench and stick of sweat from your nightmare. You could handle a little bit of irritation from scrubbing and wearing your uniform.

What you couldn't handle, was the eyes that followed you the moment you left your room to attend your class. Whispers similar to that of your family followed you, whispers of why someone like you is able to attend all due to an arrangement between your family and the Gautiers.

To ease you into marriage, what better way than to force two people who never met before the arrangement, by sending them to school? Forcing one another to share a space together, converse, and work together.

Laughable how they assumed it would work. When in history has something like this ever helped two complete strangers get along?

Aside from a few times throughout the week where interactions between you are unavoidable. You stay as far away from your husband to be as possible, going the extra mile to avoid his friends if you are to avoid one, then it's smart to avoid the rest.

It would work in theory if those friends in question would just leave you alone.

Because for some reason if you did not silence the whispers, then they would by either authority in their voice or by funnily enough walking right behind them until the person in question ran away from the classroom or buried their nose in a book.

Ingrid is stubborn, the one whose most determined to see that you have a peaceful school life chasing those away with quick-witted words before taking a seat beside you whenever possible.

The kindness and worry she shows for your well-being you wish that it was fake, but you know in your heart it isn't. You wish it was fake, because it makes you weak, and you show her the same kindness in return.

Dimitri is kind, awkward, and haunted by the past but kind. He asks you of your life, of what you've dreamed, and of the ghosts that haunt you, placing his hand over his heart in saying that here those ghosts wouldn't hurt you so please while you are here you are free.

You would never be free, but you couldn't bring yourself to say that to him. Too kind, too awkward, too haunted and lost in the ghosts that cling to him.

Felix is a vital foil to the group, a cynicism sharp-tongued lone wolf who wishes to devote himself to his swordsmanship and little else. Yet he's constantly there for his friends, even if one sees the interaction's between them as a nuisance, his sigh of relief never goes unmissed.

Felix avoids you similar to how you avoid him, but when it comes to practice he is the first to seek you out. Pushing you ever further, sharp-tongued jabs, a frown, and a crease in his brow to go with each strike. It's in these moments that you wish the world would swallow you whole-- and you realized the only way to avoid Felix entirely would be to skip practice.

So you do just that, and your reward each morning is a glare and a true to his heart Felix insult.

As for your thoughts, on your husband-to-be Sylvain is unique. While he is a perpetual-skirt chaser, but also someone who cares for his friends and is admired by your fellow classmates as an older brother figure. Despite how he is viewed, the young Gautier is much smarter than he would ever admit or allow others to see.

Neither of you holds interest in one another, Sylvain's contempt for you is palpable in both his words and actions. You're lack of response in his treatment of you and blatant disinterest in everything must be infuriating.

You arrive late to class, Byleth's eyes falling on you and their voice calling your name drawing all eyes to you. You feel a shiver go down your spine, but you wave their words away and take a seat next to Ashe who whispers a quite good morning, before going back to whatever he was writing in his book.

You can still feel Byleth's eyes on you, waiting for a response that they would never receive. Rubbing your eyes, you listen focusing on the light coming in through the pane of glass behind Byleth's desk and the chalkboard.

The sun felt nice today, and in combination with the delightful breeze on a warm day was good. You wonder if Linhardt is off dozing somewhere, you should have found his nap spot for today rather than come to class.

It's far too nice outside, to be inside and you are far too unconcerned with today's lesson to attend. Byleth isn't a bad teacher, quiet and unaware of how the Church works, but it makes for a nice change of pace.

You just couldn't bring yourself to care about anything class related, when your reason for being here is to help you grow closer to Sylvain.

Eventually class comes to an end, allowing everyone a small respite to stretch, chat and leave in a small group to go about their day until the next part of the lesson happens later in the evening. You walk with Ashe for a little bit, listening to the young man talk about a letter he sent to his family, somewhere in your walk Mercedes and Annette joined the two of you.

Annette tells you about the lesson offering you her notes if needed so you can copy them, while Mercedes watches you with a keen eye, saying nothing, but offering you kind words before the three of you part ways.

Your feet carry you to the greenhouse, finally, you find peace in a corner far away from the possibility of interactions. You just want to be alone, you just want to breathe. You just want to shake out the claws from your nightmare that linger underneath your skin in silence among flowers.

A moment's respite is all you crave. Yet the sound of footsteps approch you, before stopping right in front of you. You are not even allowed this.

"Dzemael I'm surprised that you even came to class, after sleeping through the majority of the lesson," Sylvain's voice sounds tired as if simply interacting with you is draining to him, and if that's how it is.

Then you won't even offer him a glance or a response.

"I'm not fond of taking on a wife who's unable to even come to class or show anything other than apathy for those around her," Sylvain crouches down to look at the same plant that you remain focused on, "If you fail here, what will you do after this?"

"No matter where I go, or who I meet, the future has closed all of its doors to me. Even if those doors were open, it doesn't matter anyway because there's no place for me to return to," you respond despite not needing to, you do not care for his words and Sylvain does not care for your words, but you find the claws from your nightmare are far too close to the surface for you to stop.

"After this... hopefully I'll find a quiet place hidden away from my family to die in peace. To not live as a pawn in their power game, but maybe as someone with a will to live. Now if you'll excuse me Gautier I wish to be left alone. I'm certain that there's something else you could do, some lady you could chase or woo-- just leave me alone to my thoughts and stop following me."

Your lack of determination to do even the most basic of tasks such as attending class wouldn't reflect badly on Sylvain, it would simply shine a poor light on your own character. Yet he has the gall to speak to you like some petulant child.

When Sylvain didn't move from his spot you did. Catching only a glimpse of his expression before hurrying from the greenhouse, other footsteps falling in time with your own before you break into a run resisting the urge to scream before reaching your room to only forget that you had locked your door.

Frantic you search your uniform pocket to find your key, but in your panic to escape the one chasing after you, you drop the key. Heart in your throat, your eyes sting and you can't breathe the world around you becoming black.

Time has no concept when you pass out, you simply flow with it. Letting it push you to and fro, watching bits of your life play out before you, both good and bad. Memories you wish that you could forget, but because we are humans, reality is ruthless.

And even in our dreams, we will never taste a moment of respite.

You wake up in your room, another day another nightmare. It's dark outside, the window is closed, and your bucket of water is placed to the side, still needing fresh water added to it. Everything is the same, until your eyes land on your desk, a tray of food is sitting on your empty desk an oddity and not one that you would allow to happen. So it was done by whoever put you into bed.

The food is simple and bland-looking, but everything on it is easy to eat and stomach. So you take the tray to your bed, open the window, and nibble at whatever is the most appealing to you at that moment-- it's only while eating you realize that you cannot find your room key.

Despite how you wish to remain in this quite a little space, someone would be up at this hour for you to report your lost key. You nibble a bit more food, then what remains you wrap in a cloth for tomorrow to eat.

Tray in hand you leave your room, walking in the chilled night air you fight back a curse that almost worms its way past your lips, before returning the tray, and slowly making your way to Byleth's rooms to report your lost key. Seteth finds you before you reach Byleth's room, reprimanding you for wandering around the school at night

You explain that this is perfect, confusing Seteth before you jump into telling him that you've misplaced your room key, and ask that he send a request to have it replaced before turning around and walking back to your room. You expected to make this walk back to your room alone, but Setheth followed beside you making sure that you returned to your room safely.

You thank him and Seteth wishes you a good night before saying that they would replace your lost key as swiftly as possible. You lock your door behind you and change into your sleep clothes before curling into your bed keeping your window open to let the cool night air flow into your room.

The chill helps to ease you into sleep.

[ggukkiereads]

Hewwooo!!! Do you have any fic recs where the boy is the piner one? and oblivious!oc or something like that... it's always the other way around 😣😣 thank you so much!

🌷 Hello anon! These are what I remember.. Strangely most of them are part of my #holygrailfics which I marked with a carrot 🥕 But, everything is a must read 🥰

UNREQUITED LOVE AUs - Member!Pining

��� Most of the stories will eventually achieve redamancy. There are just few fics here where it’s unrequited all throughout

Re: Untitled @to-star-lake - Jungkook  🥕

↳ Arranged Marriage, Childhood Acquaintances, Enemies to Lovers, CEO/Executives, Angst, Smut, Fluff [4/4][

This is really one of my favorite discoveries 🥰 At that time there wasn’t much info or even comments on the fic so if you’re not as daring to try fics out, it’s easy to assume it’ll be just a regular story. But I'm glad my curiousity won because this is such a gem. It was painful and lovely unpacking all the discoveries in their relationship (or lack of) per chapter 🥰. I swear the plot “twists” per episode made the fic extra memorable.

Frost Impressions @fortunexkookie - Jungkook 🥕

↳  Teacher AU, Gamer AU, Simultaneous (One-Sided) Enemies to Lovers,  Best Friends to Lovers, Idiots to Lovers AU, Humor, Tooth-rotting Fluff, Smut, Heavy Pining, Slight Angst [one shot]

ugh this just puts a smile on my face every time I remember this. I was just thinking about this Jungkook the other day. OC is oblivious because, well, they have this E2L thing going on. Plus he didn’t exactly give a great FIRST IMPRESSION. So many AUs thrown in but author was able to squeeze it all and produce this masterpiece. It’s just a feel-good fic 🥰

Love So Shallow @jimlingss - Taehyung 🥕

↳ Best Friend AU, College AU, eventual Roommate AU, eventual Pining [3/3]

also one of the best written OCs in fic land. Please read this gem. I still gush over how their relationship developed and you’ll see how the “pining” develops too. It’s a great Love Yourself theme too!

Paper Cranes @aquaminwrites - Taehyung  🥕

↳ Slice of Life, Childhood Friends, Best Friend AU, College [one shot]

Ugh my heart ached for this Taehyung. I don’t know why I feel bad for him (I mean, it wasn’t as if he was to be pitied) but the way author wrote his story is guaranteed to pull at your heartstrings. 

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The Key to My Drawer @jjungkookislife - Taehyung  🥰

↳ Best Friend AU, Childhood Friends, Epistolary (letter form, some parts), Angst, Smut [12/12]

I was just thinking about this the other day because we’re just waiting for the last chapter/epilogue and then I saw the notif on ao3 that it got updated. What do you do when you get hold of a key to a drawer and discover unsent letters from your best friend? All addressed to you?  It’s such a creative way to tell a story and I enjoyed this very much 🥰

(please access the rest of the chapters through the author’s masterlist)

Please Be Naked @floralseokjin  - Yoongi 🥕

↳ Rebound AU, OC is Namjoon’s Ex, Namjoon is Yoongi’s ex-friend [8/8]

“you were still a little unsure why he and your ex....had bad blood.” of course we all want to tell OC why!  Seriously, this is a classic if you haven’t read this yet.  Yoongi’s just top-tier in this. Unforgettable characterization. Even if you are not into Yoongi fics, this is a must read for bts fics in general. The angst/smut is just 👌; then read the drabbles for the fluffy future

One Thing Right by hobios - Jungkook  🥕

↳   Arranged Marriage AU, Fake Marriage AU, Childhood Friends AU, Enemies to Lovers, Police Office AU, slow burn [8/8]

So I am adding this to every fic rec list because like RE: Untitled, there’s a lot of discoveries in this fic. It’s always a question why Sheriff Jeon will agree to a marriage of convenience (I mean he’s committing fraud in a way). So it’s wonderful to discover a lot things about their story since they had a falling out.

※※※※※※※���※※※※

Roses, Poetry, and Jeon @seraphimguks - Jungkook ⭐☕💌

↳ bookstore au, enemies to lovers-ish?, fluff, slight angst [one shot]

This is just so beautiful and it is like curling up by the window on a rainy day with a warm hot chocolate. I think in my review I said the shift to Jungkook’s POV is like seeing poetry in action. Must read and instantly a favorite of mine

Tinder 2.0 @tayegi - Jungkook 🥕 🔥

↳ sex app/room, Coworker, Enemies to Lovers, Crack, Smut [one shot]

This is kind of different from the rest of this list because it’s more crack and smuttier. The pining is not as intense but it’s there. Please give this a read too. 

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Fluff and Smut @jinggabitch  - Jungkook 

↳ smut, porn star JK, OC is a fluffer, one-sided pining [drabble]

Porn star JK is in love with his fluffer. - I remember reading this months ago and I found it so cute. Though it’s just a drabble, which means the story didn’t continue on, I got invested in this JK and hoped he gets what he wants.

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Bad Influence Collection @noteguk - Jungkook  ⭐🔥

↳ FWB AU, Enemies to Lovers, Enemies with Benefits, College, Bad Boy AU, Smut [4/?]

please click the link to the masterpost so you’ll access the very first story. Maybe it didn’t start out pining at first but the recent chapters we see Jungkook getting so affected over OC (it’s mutual but I feel at this point its more JK trying so hard not to show heart eyes 😍). Ugh, the joy I feel whenever this gets updated. Still ongoing but better start on this since some chapters are over 10k+ wc.

Hot Enough @soft-sarcasm - Yoongi  ⭐🔥

↳ College AU, Fuckboy AU, FWB AU, Yoongi caught feelings (kind of Unrequited AU), Smut, Angst [one shot]

I’ve read years this years ago and when I decided to officially have a blog, it took me months to find this. It’s just memorable because usually it’s the female catching feelings in a friends-with-benefits scenario. But here, OC actually rejected him (that’s the start of the story). Please read and find out what happens next. 

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First Love @jungnoir - Yoongi 

↳ bestfriend au, OC about to get married 

so this is sad at first because it’s only hours away from her wedding but read until the end 😍

Not Yet + Almost  @bratkook - Jungkook

↳ neighbor AU, kinda fake boyfriend (on the spot) to annoy OC’s Ex [2/?]

ahh this is cute. I shouldn’t be smiling at Jungkook’s pain but it was just so cute. It’s more of mutual pining though. The first drabble is more on JK’s while Almost we get to see OC’s thoughts. So, I guess in the third???

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Pining 101 @guklvr - Jungkook 

↳ hospital au, friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, humor, fluff [drabble series] 

a collection of drabbles based on pediatricsurgeon!jk dealing with his crush on generalsurgeon!reader. Read if you’re looking for something light and humorous. 

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Sidekick @bananagukkie - Jungkook 

↳  superhero au, best friend au, fluff [one shot]

You didn’t realize that your best friend was in love with you or the fact that he was Busan’s “newest” hero.

Lifting the Veil @/fortunekookie - Jungkook 😭

↳ real unrequited love/pining, friends to lovers, smut, angst [one shot] 

so yeah I guess read this first because it sure is angsty then read other fluffy fics (like Pining 101 or Frost Impressions)

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Requiem @cinnaminsvga - Jungkook 

↳ pretend confession!au, angst [drabble]

Jeon Jungkook loves you. You love someone else. He lets you say “I love you” to him, if only so that he gets to hear it once in his life. - so yeah, let’s cry about it  😭

Unveil @nijoonie - Jimin 

↳ Arranged Marriage, Childhood Friends to Lovers

angsty tones in the beginning. Jimin is such a dear 🥺

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Best of Me @/floralseokjin - Jimin

↳ Best Friend AU, OC just got heartbroken, angst

ugh just angst all over. The ending is hopeful but still sad?

Piece by Piece @underthejoon - Seokjin x Reader x Hoseok ⭐

↳ bestfriend au, fwb au, love triange, a collection of drabbles where your love life is muddied up by two men – the one you love and the one that loves you. Smut, Angst [drabble series]

if you are not into love triangles, I think this will, well not change your mind because some people strongly dislike love triangle themes, but it’ll make the LT themes bearable. The writing is just beautiful and actually I’ve reblogged this for Hobiuary Day (one day I was on Hobi lockdown just reblogging purely favorite Hoseok fics) but I haven’t written a review or reaction yet. Read and explore their relationship dynamics 😭🥰

🌷  so, I don’ recall a Namjoon fic where he’s the one pining (usually it’s the OC). 

I had a great time recalling scenes from each fic (and what made the pining so angsty) 🥰. So, please enjoy!

.

[its-deputy-caleb]

Hullo, I hope you're doing well! You absolutely don't have to write this if you don't want to, but these days I've been feeling down and pretty insecure due to being asexual, and I was wondering- How would Lady Dimitrescu be with a partner who turns out to be asexual and sex-repulsed, but is still interested in her romantically?

Heyy anon, firstly don’t ever feel bad about being asexual! everyone deserves to be themselves and most importantly deserve to be comfortable as themselves. I apologise that this took so long but i hope it’s okay nonetheless.

A lot of people asked for an asexual reader so I’ve decided to do all the lords in this post :)) enjoy.

Alcina Dimitrescu

When Alcina started dating you she learnt early on about your asexuality when you both discussed topics of limitations and boundaries for the two of you.

She understood that it was something that make you nervous but she was never anything less than kind and comforting to you about it.

You both found other ways to be intimate and show how you loved each other. Alcina loves to cuddle you, carry you in her arms and put a gentle hand on your head when you walk beside her.

Sometimes it’s much simpler than a huge display of affection and she will lace your fingers together at the dinner table and that’s all the two of you need.

She loves to kiss the back of your hand and it always makes your heart swell with love and adoration for her because of how she has to bend all the way down and practically kneel but she does it for you because you’re worth it.

Some nights you fall asleep on top of her with your head on her chest. She’ll be reading to you by the fire place and only stop at the sound of soft little snores where she picks you up and carries you to the bedroom you share.

She’s fully aware that you don’t feel comfortable or like intimacy that’s sexual which has never bothered her at all but that doesn’t stop her from cuddling you all night long.

She’ll have you wrapped in her arms, a blanket tucked over you and she’ll place sweet, gentle kisses to your forehead and temple.

Donna Beneveinto

When you told Donna that you were asexual she was nothing but supportive and it never affected your relationship in the slightest.

While Donna herself isn’t asexual she’s tended to prefer non sexual intimacy which is one of the reasons why she made you feel so comfortable and loved.

She took your hand in hers, stroking her thumb over the back of your hand and told you that it was okay to be asexual.

Instead the two of you spend time cuddling or walking through her gardens hand in hand or with your arms linked.

Donna will tell you every day that she feels so lucky to have you in her life and how you being asexual has never changed how she feels for you.

One of Donna’s favourites is for you to place your hands over her cheeks. She’ll instantly lean into you and kiss your palm and it’s a way of validating the both of you. The act only solidifying that you loved and accepted each other no matter what.

Donna loved when you rested your head on her shoulder which happened a lot when you had picnics or were sitting on the porch watching the waterfall together.

Her heart always filled with joy to know you were comfortable around her and weren’t scared of her. She always followed through by wrapping an arm around you and kissing the top of your head.

Salvatore Moreau

Salvatore panicked at first, not understanding what asexual meant and instantly jumped to the conclusion that you didn’t like him at all.

However after taking his hands in yours and slowly explaining the nature of being asexual he came to realise that you still loved him and well, he never really stopped loving you from the moment he saw you.

He was always respectful and even borrowed some books from Alcina and Donna to learn about how he could make you comfortable.

But really how he learnt was by spending time with you and talking to you. You spent many dates walking around the reservoir, sitting in a boat to watch the sunset and exploring the village. All while you did this, you shared little intimacies like kisses on the cheek, hand holding and the occasional snuggle when you stopped to rest.

Sal was in awe of you and being the old romantic sap he is, you showed him just how much he could love you without any sexual acts. It wasn’t that he wanted sex, he just always thought of a relationship from one perspective but if he got to spend time with you he was happy and it made him happy that you trusted him enough to tell him.

The more you grew into the relationship the more he learnt and every day you saw the way his eyes lit up when he looked at you. He’s just so totally in love that all he wanted was to see you happy and spend time with you.

Not only that but he desperately craved your physical attention and you never failed to make his heart melt by your gentle touches.

Karl Heisenberg

To your surprise Karl was really understanding when you told him you were asexual. You thought that he would’ve been angry or repulsed but he simple knelt down and took your chin in his hand, causing you to look him in the eyes. He brought you in for one of his bear hugs and reassured you that it was okay.

He actually really enjoyed not having a sexual dynamic in your relationship. Karl has been through so much that the little touches and kisses was all he needed, all the both of you needed.

Underneath all that hard and broody demeanour he’s actually a total softie and the two of you end up spending your nights slow dancing in his workshop after a day of working tirelessly.

He’ll flick his wrist till some old vintage song plays through the radio and you’ll rest your head on his shoulder, your arm draped around his waist or shoulder while you rock slowly.

Sure you both smell like sweat, grease and oil but just being close to him is all you could ever ask for. Not only that but you know he’s always had trouble sleeping and it makes him sleepy.

The two of you love to play with each other’s hair and cuddle on the old worn in leather couch of his living quarters. Either one of your heads will rest in the others lap while you spend the afternoon lazing around.

Karl has never failed to remind you of how much he loves you and that just being with you makes him happy. He’ll kiss your cheek and tell you that you should never feel ashamed for being asexual because he loves you no matter what.

[libellule-ao3]

20  Questions for fic writers 

Thank you for the tag @lifeofkaze🙂

How many works do you have on A03?

22

What’s your total A03 word count? 

296 822

What fandoms do you write for? 

HP, HP Hogwarts Mystery, HP Hogwarts Legacy et Naruto

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? 

Jae Kim's bets (hphm), Obsession (hphl), Life Links (hp/hphm), From monster to brother (Naruto), Fire under the Ashes (hp/hphm), 

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? 

I love comments and I'm happy to reply to all of them whenever I can. 

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? 

Broken Promise (Jacob Thorn takes polyjuice potion and pretends to be their father to give his sister the illusion that their father hasn't abandoned them)

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? 

Are the flowers counted?

Do you get hate on fics? 

Once... Nothing more to say. Lol

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? 

Yes. I love exploring the intimate dynamics of a relationship through a sexual prism. So I write them regularly. 

My smuts are graphic, and focus on the feelings of the characters. 

Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? 

No. 

Have you ever had a fic stolen? 

If it happened, I don't know about it. 

Have you ever had a fic translated? 

Yes, I have translated some of my French fiction (my first language) into English. 

Have you ever co-written a fic before? 

I tried but it didn't work (euphemism😆), and the experience made me realise that writing was an area where I didn't want to work with anyone, or make any compromises.

What’s your all time favorite ship? 

There are other couples I really like in fandoms where I'm not active. It's a difficult question. 

What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? 

Dragon Passion. It was one of the first writings I tried to translate into English and it shows! And now that I've made some progress in English, I can see a lot of errors that make my skin crawl. To do it properly, I'd need to do a lot of editing before going any further. I don't know if I'd have the time or the courage to do that enormous job. 

What are your writing strengths? 

I've often been told that my writing conveys the emotions and psyche of the characters well. 

And I taught myself written English because the HPHM fandom didn't exist in my first language. I'm pretty proud of how far I've come.

My versatility.

What are your writing weaknesses? 

I don't have a good command of spoken English and I'm sometimes very frustrated by my dialogues. 

My slowness. I'm a slow writer and a compulsive editor, capable of changing a sentence 50 times to be satisfied with it. 

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? 

I prefer to keep it to a few words, a short sentence, with enough context for me to be able to guess the general idea without the help of an automatic translator. 

First fandom you wrote for?

I can't remember. I used to write them as a child without knowing what they were. Probably manga. 

Favorite fic you’ve written? 

Jae Kim's bets or Life Links, they're not even finished yet.

Tagging: Writer friends please play! No pressure...

@fantasywriter19

@usernoneexistent

20 Questions for fic writers

How many works do you have on A03?

46

What’s your total A03 word count?

478,463

What fandoms do you write for?

The Handmaid’s Tale, Spiral from the book of Saw, The Black Jewels Trilogy by Anne Bishop, Once Upon a Time, The Mandalorian,

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Reclaimed, Reunion, Smut and Missing Scenes for S3/S4/S5, Ghosts, Laid Bare

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Of course I do. THAT connection is why I do it🖤

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oof something with Tina for sure 😅. That’s our signature.

Indulgences will be it but it’s not finished.

But finished I think the Hero’s Sacrifice.

That’s the closest I got to Atwood’s Gilead. So dark I couldn’t finish it for years. Bc as with all writing - the darkness therein is my own. Finishing that story was a major mental health breakthru. ✊🏻

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hmmmmm. Recovery.

Do you get hate on fics?

Nah. I get hate on ME. Everyone likes the writing.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

*looks at camera like Jim from the office.*

Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

They’re all in my head. Hopefully this summer.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I wrote the ending for S4 in 2019. Nick and June meet in the woods to kill Fred themselves. Nick quotes scripture over him. Let’s June make the kill.

But seeing it on screen was the honor of my life.

So no.

One of my ideas may have been adopted and raised by ppl w better resources and turned out better than I could ever have made it alone. 🖤🖤🖤

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes into Russian 🖤

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Mmhm. Many. It’s my greatest joy.

What’s your all time favorite ship?

Kyle Reece and Sarah Connor

Me x Christian Slater

Me x Early 90’s alt rock

Me x self sabotage

What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

The Hero’s Sacrifice needs more healing chapters. But I need to heal first. Not there yet.

What are your writing strengths?

Unlimited imagination.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Too many ideas

Too little discipline

A. D. H. D.

Mental fucking illness and PTSD

Addicted to escaping reality and getting too high to write

Ego

Obsessive Perfectionism

Crippling fear of rejection

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? Only if I speak it and can be certain the context, vernacular etc are included and representative of real use.

First fandom you wrote for? Nick x June. (Reunion)

Favorite fic you’ve written?

Recovery 🖤

Or Restraint 🔥

Tagging: Writer friends please play!

[vina-writes]

Ten Favorite Drarry Fic Recs

I’ve reached a bit of a follower milestone, and I thought, why not celebrate? I’m happy! This is an incredible feeling that I honestly can’t fully articulate in writing. Knowing someone enjoyed my work and presence enough that they’d want to be notified if I posted again just makes me squeal and want to hug everyone from joy!! Thank you to anyone who has ever left me kudos, a comment, a tag, a note, an emoji, a tag emoji!! I am endlessly grateful to you all for this support and kindness.

Now, since it’s party time, I’ve compiled a personal list of my ten favorite Drarry fics to share the love. This is by no means a stamp of quality (as there are thousands of brilliant fics out there) and neither is it a guarantee that these are everyone’s cup of tea. But they are certainly my cup of tea— my whole buffet honestly.

I chose fics that made me feel deeply. Fics that made me cry, laugh, throw my phone, squeal and wiggle and dance at the end. These (mostly) weren’t fics which answered deep philosophical questions. They were fics which instead showed me love and adventure, joys and betrayals, misunderstandings and occasionally unbelievable (but appreciated) levels of smut (you know who you are). These are stories I read to be entertained, entranced, delighted, and happy. These are stories that made me feel in love.

In honor of that (and of my Canva addiction) I’ve made little banners for each. I hope they do some justice to these works. I’ve tried to capture the feeling of each fic in just one image. Without further ado, read on to find out exactly what my guilty pleasure (as if Drarry isn’t enough) is:

The Songbirds of Avebury Manor by Tessa Crowley [E, 18k] 

Summary: Harry Potter presents as alpha at fifteen, and it is supposed to change his life for the better. Instead, it leads him to a beautiful noble omega he cannot have, a political plot he cannot escape, and a threat on his life.

This story. Oh my stars, this story. What can I even say to properly express how I feel about it? This is the Romeo and Juliet, the Pride and Prejudice, the Hades and Persephone of Drarry. Reading this made me feel like an unwedded Victorian lass waiting for her Prince Charming. It’s a wonderful Historical AU that throws around power dynamics and questions of who is worthy of love, freedom, and respect despite them. This is a brilliant portrait of deep romantic love. Harry’s dedication to Draco is all-encompassing, beautiful, intense, intimate— earth shattering, really. The way they fall in love despite class and situation made me want to cry and write poetry. This is a true fairytale romance.

The Pirate and the Prince by @nerdherderette​, maniacani [E, 49k]

Summary: Draco can't believe that fate and circumstance have made him a stowaway on the Master of Death's ship. He doesn't know what's worse: the dread pirate's legendary vendetta against the aristocracy, or the fact that his captor is the most infuriating yet irrefutably fascinating man Draco has ever met.

The moment I started this story I knew it was going to be an instant favorite. It’s swashbuckling, debonair yet disheveled, dangerous, fun, adventurous— everything you could desire from a romance on the high seas! Though they come from very different backgrounds, this Draco and Harry are a power couple to the core. Their romance is once again beautiful, intense, and dedicated, but this time it’s mixed with a healthy dose of self-exploration and mutual acceptance. But apart from romance this fic holds delicious secrecy and identity issues, an astounding knowledge of sailing ships, plenty of piratey shenanigans, some heart-wrenching found family dynamics, a cursing parrot, and a glorious angst with a happy ending finale! 

Soup-pocalypse and the Great Curry Cataclysm by SquadOfCats [E, 104k]

Summary: Eleven years after the war, Draco Malfoy leads a quiet, boring, and perfectly respectable life, thanks very much. Or, at least he does, until a sudden and very unexpected veela awakening causes him to throw soup all over Harry Potter in the middle of the Ministry cafeteria.

What can I say about Soup-pocalypse? It will lure you in with tales of Veelas and romance, and then it will kidnap you and throw you in cooking class and therapy. You’ll come out wondering what just happened and how two days have passed. There will, of course, be Veelas and romance aplenty, but it will be a caring romance, a familial romance, a supportive and kind and nurturing romance. This story feels like family, good cooking, sunny days, the deep heartbreak of change, and through all of it, the truth of a real and solid partnership. This is the humorous yet angst-ridden tale of two idiots learning to love as adults, and then in turn learning to face the world together.

you’ve got the antidote for me by Kandakickass [M, 20k]

Summary: When Harry Potter unintentionally severs their soulbond before it can fully form, Draco Malfoy resigns himself to a slow death and decides not to burden Harry with a soulmate he's made it very clear he doesn't want.

He's never been selfless before, but for Harry, he can try.

Right then. On to the angstiest story I’ve ever read and truly enjoyed. Not just enjoyed, adored! Worshipped! Come back to time and again whenever I needed a good cry! Here is the beauty of it: this fic is deeply painful and heartbreaking, yet it steers clear of emotions like disgust and discomfort. Never once was it disturbing— only sorrowful, in the purest and most heart-wrenching way. Yet despite the pain strung throughout the majority of it, this fic left me feeling relieved and rejuvenated, the way one feels after crying their heart out over something simple. It’s an emotional release that does not leave you broken.

On the Last Day of Our World by Sansa [E, 84k]

Summary: During a detention, Harry and Draco get locked in a strange room together overnight. When they escape the next morning, they discover they are alone. Love, angst and adventure abound as they struggle to survive in an empty world.

Truly one of my favorite takes on canon divergence. Truly. This is an exploration of isolation and the joys and comforts that come with it. It is the power couple Drarry to rule them all— a Draco and Harry so strongly connected, in love, and attuned to one another that the world could fall at their feet. This story leaves you on the edge of your seat until the very bitter end— one of those where the second things are briefly peaceful the world goes up in a new set of flames. Those of you who daydream about a partnership that needs no others, two souls who are each other’s family, friend, and future, and would gladly abandon everything to spend eternity alone together: this is for you.

The Arc of the Pendulum by brummel [E, 30k]

Summary: After his father casts a mysterious curse on Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy is forced to try to make things right.

Yes. YES. YES!!! The Beauty and the Beast take you didn’t know you needed! Still canon-compliant to an extent, this is realistic and raw and incredible. Draco makes the choice to help Harry here, and the vulnerability of their interactions while Harry struggles with the curse is everything you could hope it to be. There’s a distinct fairytale atmosphere in this fic— both of them confined together, finding support and comfort in one another while struggling through the effects of the curse, and falling in love along the way. I could write sonnets about the ending using my tears for ink, but they shan’t be revealed here.

Picking Up Pieces by Tessa Crowley [E, 43k]

Summary of Part One: Fifteen years after the War, Draco is a social recluse and award winning author. Harry is an auror who works too hard, ensuring his old war wounds never heal. They meet at a masque ball, unaware of each other's identities. In another situation, it would have been love at first sight. But for them, it would never be so simple.

Picking Up Pieces deserves no introduction, but if you haven’t read it yet, please find a blanket, and cup of tea, and a quiet place to read, cry, and recover. I sobbed my little heart out through the entire second half— the tears were really never ending. How does it end up on a reclist by a fluff lover like me? The answer is similar to Antidote— though this story broke me apart, it was never twisted nor ugly, never disturbing. It was an incredibly touching tale of redemption, forgiveness, human nature, and recompense. The writing does put you through the emotional wringer, but it leaves you relieved and whole. I would lay down my life for this Draco. He truly needs to be protected and loved at all costs. Even though I’m usually careful when recommending heavy stories, I would encourage everyone to read this— it made me feel new, it made me feel like I’d spent an hour crying in the shower, but most of all, it really did make me happy.

Two Trees by LakeWitch [E, 36k]

Summary (shortened): In his Eighth year at Hogwarts, part of Draco Malfoy's probation is to see a Mind Healer once a week. Another part, unfortunately, is having to take Muggle Studies.

It wouldn't be so bad, really, if it weren't for the mandatory outing—a 'field trip'—booked at a Muggle lakeside retreat for the better part of five days. [...] Draco is determined to get it all over with as painlessly as possible. He'll keep his head down, and stay out of everyone's way. That is, until Pansy tells him—at the very last moment—that she's schemed to have Draco stay in the same room with Potter for the whole trip.

Just the two of them... in one room.

This is the comfort fic of all comfort fics. It feels like camping, like sitting by a lake in the sun, like marshmallows over a fire and sparks against a starry sky, and cool, feather-soft hotel sheets. Draco is dealing with several different anxieties here, but the brilliant setting and easy plot turn them into a cathartic read. This is a fic about young love and the ability to build bonds on trips. It made me remember my first crushes and the feeling of getting breakfast in a hotel lobby. There’s cuddling, there’s love, there’s some highly emo Draco (both warranted and unwarranted), and there’s a truckload of nature. Go read it!

Your Place Or Mine? by @l0vegl0wsinthedark​ [E, 26k]

Summary: "This person is so much harder to hate. And I’m supposed to hate Malfoy. How the fuck else am I supposed to limit this to just sex?" 

At first I was like, “Damn, Harry,” but then I was all, “Damn Harry!” but then I went, “DAMN Harry!” (interspersed with a lot of whistling and cursing). I could have slapped him, and you will want to. This is another Draco that deserves endless love and hot chocolate, with a Harry that deserves a good smack. I think about this fic weekly, and not just because it’s endlessly hot— although it is scorching hot, like how do you even write something that hot type of hot. Draco’s pining and Harry’s stupidity makes for the angstiest yet most satisfying friends-with-benefits-but-really-there’s-more combination, and the climax (pun intended) and resulting spill of emotions is everything anyone could hope for. Ten out of ten.

The Courting by the Pureblood Who Only Has Five Milligrams of Romantic Intelligence and Thinks He’s Real Smooth by @cibeewastaken​ [T, 19k]

Summary (shortened): Draco could grab Potter and shove him into a stall before proceeding to suck his soul out of his dick, but secretly, deep down, in the part of Draco that he will never admit to anyone, he is (everyone pauses to shudder) a romantic. Potter is not someone Draco wants a one-off with. Potter is — Draco’s beloved!

So Draco decides to boldly go where no one has gone before: to put himself through scrutiny; their friends’ teasing and pranks; unsound romantic advice from a house-elf; wearing pretty clothes; all to try and win Potter’s heart through courtship...

This thing of beauty is exactly as hilarious as it sounds. However, it is so much more than the endless laughs (although there are many). It is sweet, tender, touching, and filled with glorious pining and misunderstandings. Inside you’ll find extravagant (the word was literally invented for Cibee’s Draco) outfits, confusing customs, a blanket that brought me to tears, one badass house-elf, one very confused beloved, absolutely no fornication (wink), and one hopelessly smitten pureblood. Be warned, this fic is actually three “What the fuck, Draco?”s in a trenchcoat. I read it when I want to laugh, facepalm, and submerge myself in the adorable stupidity that is Draco Malfoy in love. It is well worth your time and is sure to bring a smile to your face.

With this final fic we conclude my list on a happy note! It’s long, it’s tedious, and I had a spanking good time writing it. I hope these bring some joy or happy tears to your day.

Love, Vina 

[undyingskies]

Adrenaline

A/N: This one wasn’t a requested but I absolutely loved writing this one. I got the idea from a tiktok, the girl was listening to the song called Fallin’ by Why Don’t We for 3 hours straight. It made me listen to the song and it reminded me of Charlie for some reason which lead to the creation of this fic! To those who have request imagines know I have seen them and will get to them, I got caught up in this fic and another one for Owen, but I promise I’m going to get them out as fast as I can! I really hope you guys enjoy this one, I really love it! xoxo

Warnings: Few curse words.

______________________________________________

Here you are again, caught up in the moment not thinking twice. Your sandwiched between the wall and Charlie, your hand tangled in his hair, his under your thighs, and your lips moving fast and passionately against one another.

The adrenaline rushing through your veins, everything frozen except the two of you in that small corridor, hiding from everyone else.

You see this whole thing with Charlie started about a month ago, you had no idea how it started or where it would lead but here you are again, melting into his touch. Even though you always tell yourself that one was the last time when he’s finished with you.

You and Charlie were just two close friends for the longest time. You were hired to work on season two of Julie and The Phantoms as an intern for Soyon. You always loved fashion and wanted to do costume work on sets so this was your opportunity and you weren’t going to let anything get in the way of that. You jumped on the first plane you could get and made your way to Vancouver, Canada. Your three bags in tow, carrying everything you owned.

Kenny and producers had arranged for an apartment for you but it wouldn’t be available until three weeks after you arrived. They underestimated your ability to pack quickly and find a ticket out almost immediately. The only apartment having three bedrooms being Owen and Charlie’s, which they were kind enough to let you use at Kenny’s request.

It all started out so innocent, you and the boys immediately had a connection. You and Owen sharing a similar humor and personality. Charlie and you sharing the same love for nature and love for adrenaline.

You and Charlie quickly started going on adventures with one another. You started exploring the city and the nature surrounding it. Charlie being Canadian came in handy as he was familiar with the hiking trails that surrounded you guys.  

One day he came up to you, about two days before you were finally moving into your own apartment. He told you that he found a new hiking trail with a bridge and on that bridge you could bungee jump off of it. You agreed immediately with no hesitation. That’s the day that changed the dynamic of your friendship.

You felt the adrenaline pumping through your body as you stood at the edge of the bridge. Charlie’s hand in yours, a bright smile on his face.

“You ready?” He leans over and asks you as you start to hear the countdown for the jump.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” You tell him back with a similar smile on your face. Hearing the faint count of 3, 2, 1.

That’s when you jumped. Yours and Charlie’s yelling drowning out any other noises. You bounce up and down a few times, laughter leaving the both of you.

As you come to slow down, laughter still erupting from the both of you, Charlie’s eye lock in on yours. His laughter slowly dies down as he stares through what feels like your soul. Before you knew it or could ask him what’s up, you felt his lips on yours. That familiar feeling of adrenaline pumping through your veins. You immediately reciprocate the kiss back.

That’s when it all changed. From that day on it was you and Charlie. Anytime you guys could find, his body was on yours and you couldn’t get enough of each other. On set he would pull you into empty closets, sets that weren’t in use, and every-time that adrenaline would come back pumping through the both of you.

You two had agreed to keep it a secret, it was a part of the fun. Knowing you could get caught. You also agreed that it was just physical nothing else. You never planned for the feelings to come with it, but of course like any story they did. Now here you are a month later telling yourself this was the last time; you wouldn’t let it happen again.

But your hearts beating fast and you can’t help but think why do I love this feeling?

Voices and steps break you out of your thoughts. Charlie’s lips and hands on you, making you feel more vulnerable. Your quick to detach your lips and body from his. That fire feeling fading away in the both of you. He gives you a confused look.

“People are coming Char.” You tell him, you grab his hand to pull him around the corner and out of the now occupied hallway. Your back in the parking lot of the set.

“That was a close one Y/N.” He says with a laugh.

“Ya a close one.” You tell him trailing off, beginning to get lost in your thoughts again. Charlie notices but doesn’t say anything, he had to get back to set to film in Julies garage.

“Well I guess I will see you after we’re done here. Meet you at my car tonight?” He asks you. You reach out to fix the beanie placed on his head, the stylist coming out in you. You start to fiddle with the sleeveless tank on him, trying to make it perfect so no one has an idea of what was just going on.

He laughs at your fiddling hands, grabbing onto them and pulling them away from his body.

“It’s fine they won’t know.” As much as you don’t want to admit it, Charlie knows you like the back of his hand and knows what you’re thinking even if you don’t say it out loud. He places a kiss to your forehead before he’s skipping off to set, sending you a wink before he’s gone. Heat rushes to your cheeks at his actions.

Then you’re left alone standing in the middle of the parking lot looking dazed. Savannah rounding the corner, laughing at the scene in front of her as you come into focus.

“Little sneak away fun with Charlie again?” She says sneaking up on you with a laugh at the look on your face.

“What? No? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You tell her. She smirks at your words.

“Come on Y/N, you don’t think I’ve caught on? You two always disappearing and coming back together. You staying late when you don’t have too and leaving with him. Plus we’re best friends you don’t think I’ve noticed the way you two look at each other? It’s practically heart eyes from both ends.” She tells you, in a serious tone.

“Fine. You’re right but I don’t want to talk about it here.” She nods at your words, agreeing with you.

“My trailer?” She asks you; you follow her as she walks towards it.

That’s when you empty out all your thoughts and feelings to her. You didn’t realize how much you had been keeping in the last month. You told her how it started, the deal you guys made, and your feelings for him. And by the end of your story and all your confessions, all she had to say was,

“I think you should tell him how you feel.”

Did she not hear what you just said? How you guys agreed that this was a no feelings deal, it was for the purpose of pleasure and the two of yours addiction to adrenaline.

“I think you missed the point there Sav. I can’t, I don’t want to ruin our friendship. I would rather end it and keep our friendship than ruin it all.”

“Your delusional if you think he doesn’t like you back, you don’t see the way he looks at you. Everyone else does though.” She tells you and places a hand on your shoulder.

“You should think about it at least.”

“Okay, I will.” You tell her. I don’t think either of you believing your words. Your eyes travel to look at the clock. It read 8:02, you were late meeting Charlie.

“Oh, I got to go. Thanks for the talk Sav, I appreciate it.” You tell her and pull her into a hug.

You make your away around the parking lot pretty quickly, looking to see the mop of brown hair that you really have come to love. You spot him next to the orange car, he refused to admit was a weird color. Your eyes land on him and then quickly to the figure standing in front of him with her hands on his arm laughing.

You stop dead in your tracks, your heart dropping into your stomach. Your throat tightening at the scene, hands sweaty and shaking by your sides. You don’t want to feel like this, you know you two promised each other that what you had was nothing. He was allowed to look and talk to other girls, but you can’t shake the feeling in your stomach.

Charlie looks up and notices you standing back just looking at the scene in front of you.  A smile makes its way onto his face at the sight of you. He quickly moves to the side of the girl, gently pushing her away, and is walking towards you.

“Hey Y/N, ready to go?” He asks you, stopping once he is in front of you. He grabs your hand but you quickly slip yours out of his. He frowns at your action but quickly composes himself.

He places his hand on your lower back and walks you to the car, opening the passenger door for you. You slide in, awkwardly smiling at the girl just standing there watching the interaction between the two of you.

“Well it was nice meeting you Josie, see you around.” He tells her, sending her a quick wave before he jumps  into the driver’s seat of the car and starts the engine. Not looking back at her once.

The two of you sit in silence, you consumed in your thoughts and him just confused by your actions. He tries to place his hand on your thigh but you move it out of reach. Another frown makes his way onto his face.

He makes the drive to your apartment, you agreed to go there tonight because Owen had an early day and would be at the boys apartment. He was already suspicious of the two of you so Charlie didn’t want to risk trying to sneak you in.

You quickly unbuckle your seat belt and hop out of the car. You keep a quick pace as you make your way into your apartment building. Charlie has to jog to catch up with you, seriously confused at your actions. He doesn’t know why you’re acting like this.

As you make your way into your apartment opening the door, Charlie takes the advantage of the moment and presses his body against yours. His lips finding their way onto your neck, trailing kisses up and down them. You freeze at the contact of him against you, basking in the pleasure for a second.

Your thoughts catch up with you and you move fast to get your body away from his. He stumbles at the loss of contact. He tries to reach for you again, the third time that night and you slip out of it again.

Charlie starts to feel frustrated at your actions, not knowing why you’re acting that way and starting to get nervous he did something wrong.

He goes to stand in front of  but you quickly make your way around him and into the kitchen. He’s right on your heel though.

“Okay Y/N what gives? Why are you acting so weird? We were fine earlier so what happened?” He asks you and you can hear the frustration and confusion laced in his tone.

You shake your head, trying to brush it off.

“Nothing, everything’s fine.” You tell him, pouring water into a cup. He takes it out of your hand and places it besides you. He has you turn to face him. The two of you are chest to chest, his arms placed on both sides of you so you can’t escape him or avoid eye contact.

He leans into kiss you but you turn your head fast, his lips making contact with your cheek. The frustration Charlie feels starts to boil over.

“Everything’s fine? Are you sure about that Y/N you won’t look at me or let me touch you!! What is going on?” He asks you, slightly yelling at this point.

You shove him off of you and walk past him. You don’t want to do this with him, not now. Well never really but at some point, you knew you would have too.

You lean your head against your fridge, letting out a sigh before you turn to look back at him.

“I can’t do this anymore Char, we’ve got to stop whatever this is between us.” His face falls at your words.

“What do you mean you can’t do this anymore? I thought we were having fun, just this morning it was fine...” He says slowly taking a step towards you. You put your hand up to stop him from walking closer.

“I know, but the more I think about it the more I need to stop it. Neither of us knew where this would lead when we started it and I just can’t do it anymore.” You let out with a sigh. Charlie feels sadness overcome him; his heart feels like it’s breaking a little bit.

Little did you know how Charlie was feeling. He never wanted to make the deal of keeping it just physical, but he agreed with you not wanting to ruin your friendship or stop what was happening between the two of you. He was just happy that he was getting a piece of you to himself. Charlie had fallen for you pretty much the second he saw you and heard your laugh.

“That doesn’t feel like a real reason Y/N, just an excuse. If you give me the real reason then fine, we’ll end this and we will just go back to being just friends. But I need a reason not an excuse before I leave.” He tells you, sounding desperate.

You don’t want to tell him the real reason. You don’t want to ruin the friendship you two have. It wouldn’t be the same if you told him, you two couldn’t just go back to being two friends if he knew your real feelings.

“That is the real reason Charlie.” You tell him, dropping your hand and looking down at your feet. You couldn’t handle his stare anymore.

You watch his feet walk towards you. His hand being placed under your chin, forcing you to look up at him.

“That’s bullshit and you know it. Please just tell me.” He says just above a whisper, he no longer feels upset. He’s just sad.

You just sigh. You didn’t know what to do, the look on his face breaks your heart. You didn’t want to hurt him or make him sad and you can’t understand why this is doing that to him. You can feel the frustration boiling up in you.

You shove him off of you. You start pacing around your island.

“Tell you Charlie! You really want to know why?” This time you’re the one yelling. You can’t help but feel frustrated at your feelings and confusion. All he does is nod yes.

“Because Charlie! You make me reckless! The feeling of you and I together makes me reckless! I’ve been putting my job on the line to sneak around with you, I’m lying to my friends about what I’m doing when I am with you. I’m lying to myself and you!” You tell.

“What does that even mean Y/N, you’re lying to me?” He asks, his voice slightly raised.

“I love you, you idiot! I’ve been lying about my feelings to the both of us! I can’t do this anymore, this no feelings only physical stuff! It’s not fair to me.” You get quieter at the end of your confession.

Silence fills the air, neither of you say a word. He is just looking at you in shock. You standing on the other side of the island, your arms placed limply on the sides of your body. You look completely defeated.

Charlie doesn’t say a word just steps towards again. Again you lift your arms up, hoping to stop him. He grabs your hands.

“Would you just please let me get close to you?” He asks desperate. You let out a sigh and allow him to come closer.

He drops your hands and places his onto your cheeks, not allowing your head to fall so he could maintain eye contact with you.

“You don’t think I feel the same? Something about you makes me feel insane. I can’t control myself around you, I get a rush of adrenaline anytime I’m with you.” His confession being met with another cloud of silence.

You don’t know what to say, you just keep looking at him. You can see his eyes looking at you desperately, looking around your face hoping he could understand what you’re feeling based on your features. He can’t though.

“Please say something.” He practically begs.

“I don’t-, I don’t know what to say...” You trail off.

“Tell me you feel the same, you just admitted you loved me. Why can’t you admit you want more and that you feel the same adrenaline.” He tells you.

“Charlie...” You trail off. “You know I feel the same way about you. This whole time. You’re like a breath of fresh air, it’s never boring with you, the more we got together the more I needed you. I’m scared though, I’ve never felt like this before. Plus there are so many girls who you could get, why me?”

“Why you? Because Y/N, I’ve never met someone like you. You match me on every level, your love for adventure, your humor. You’re so sweet, you never hesitate to act in kindness rather than anything else no matter the situation. I love you. I have loved you pretty much since the minute I saw you.” He tells you. He places his forehead on yours, both of you breathing harder than usual due to the feeling of adrenaline rushing through the both of you because of your confessions.

“Will you please let me kiss you.” He asks you again the desperation laced in his words. You nod your head yes.

That’s when his lips meet yours, in the most passionate kiss the two of you have ever shared. His hands make their way down to your waist pulling you closer, as yours make their way up to the nape of his neck and entangling in his hair. You can feel the both of you pouring all your emotions into this kiss, letting each other know that both of your confessions are true.

You pull apart breathing heavy.

“Make me a promise, tell me that you’ll stay with me.” You tell him, your insecurities getting the best of you for a moment. He smiles at you though.

“Of course baby, I’m not scared to jump in if you want to.” He tells you, pulling you in for another kiss.

“Let’s just keep falling in love for the hell of it.” He tells you as you pull apart, his signature smirk plastered across his face, and he sends you a wink.

You laugh at his words.

“Ya of course, just for the hell of it.” You laugh as you pull him back into you, placing another kiss on his lips.

You pull apart and make your way to sit on the couch to just enjoy the company of each other. He places his head in your lap, you immediately start to run your fingers through his hair as if it’s second nature. He smiles at your actions and leans into your touch more.

“I guess I have to tell Owen he was right. I owe him 10 bucks.” Charlie says breaking the silence.

“What do you mean you owe him 10 bucks??” You say confused.

“Well you see, Owen and I may have made a bet about me falling for you. He said the minute you walked in the door and he saw my face when I looked at you, and he knew I was falling for you. I didn’t believe him.” You nod your head, encouraging him to continue the story.

“Then basically he bet me that I would  fall for you before the end of this year. I didn’t think us hooking up counted since it was a secret so I wasn’t gonna tell him he won. But I guess I have to now.” He says scratching the back of his neck as a nervous habit.

You laugh at his words, only Charlie would make such a bet. The adrenaline junkie and his competitiveness always getting the best of him.

“You’re not mad?” He asks you at hearing your laughter.

“Not at all, that is such a Gillespie move.” You tell him, leaning down to place your lips on his.

You can’t help but laugh at Charlie’s antics, truly he is the only person who would engage in such a thing. But that’s just another reason why you’ve fallen for the boy.

Charlie switches positions so he’s sitting next to you rather laying on top of you. He throws his arm over your shoulders and pulls you into him. You lay your head on his chest, you smile and you feel him press a kiss to your head. This is just another start to a wonderful adventure with Mr. Charlie Gillespie.

[sky-scribbles]

Fanfic ask game for procrastinating on writing (very accurate, since I should really be working on either the Aeor Fic or my dissertation right now). Tagged by @essektheylyss and @saturdaysky - tysm, this is very fun! <3

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

28! I only really started posting regularly on AO3 after I got into writing for CR, so there’s a modest amount there right now.

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

~126000; probably going to be a lot more by the time the Aeor Fic is finished!.

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Only three on AO3 - Critrole, obviously, plus some from my Star Wars: The Old Republic days and a single lonely Dragon Age fic. I’ve written for some other fandoms in the past (Elder Scrolls, mainly).

4) What are your top five fics by kudos?

Show me where my skin begins: Shadowgast; a study of Essek’s touch starvation and the important of touch between him and Caleb as their relationship develops.

My reasons for defying reason: Oneshot looking at Essek’s friendships with each of the Nein in turn, and the Nein’s different love languages.

I shine only with the light you gave me: The wizards slow dance at a fancy Dynasty ball, and Essek negotiates Den dynamics.

I’ll use you as a focal point: Essek summons a familiar, and as he adjusts to life with her, she helps him speedrun his character arc.

How to struggle gracefully: The Mighty Nein and Essek have dinner with Deirta Thelyss, as told through Veth’s perspective. Feat. Veth unpacking some of her own issues and her relationship with Essek

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Not as much as I’d like to anymore; my current health issues mean I have trouble writing at all, let alone replying to comments... but when I’m functioning better, I do try to reply to as many as I can! I absolutely love seeing people’s insights and hearing their thoughts; you guys make every second of writer’s block worth it! <3

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Hmm, I really don’t know! I’m generally an angst with a happy ending person, so I tend to round things off hopefully. I’d say that The scars that silence carved on me maybe qualifies, because from Essek’s perspective, it ends somewhat ambiguously - but the reader obviously knows that he’s about to get tackle-hugged by a little blue tiefling the moment after the fic ends.

7) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Not really. My Inquisitor!Essek AU is about the closest I’ve got, but I’m not sure I’d ever write anything or it.

8) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not since I was about fourteen, thankfully! I’ve had the odd ‘I hate [x character/fandom] but I love this story’ comment here and there.

9) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Not really. I’ve occasionally strayed into very vaguely nsfw stuff, but I don’t think I’d enjoy writing real smut, nor do I have any confidence that I’d do so halfway decently!

10) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of!

11) Have you ever had a fic translated?

I did once, many years ago back when I was writing Elder Scrolls stuff.

12) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I’m definitely not opposed to the idea!

13) What’s your all time favourite ship?

My fic history says Shadowgast, for sure, and I can see them being a love of mine for a very long time.

14) What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Nothing that’s posted, thankfully, but I’d truly love to finish the one that currently sits under the working title of ‘the Essek and soup fic’. I’m very fond of it, but just don’t seem to be able to make work beyond its first scene. (Maybe I’ll post that as a standalone someday.)

15) What are your writing strengths?

I like to think I’ve got a good sense for prose rhythm? When I’m proofreading, I can generally count on a voice in my head to be saying ‘this sentence needs to be x length’, or ‘this sentence needs another adjective in it to carry the right emotional weight’, and to tell me when something just feels right and flows nicely.

16) What are your writing weaknesses?

I think I have a bit of a tendency to want to include everything - every interesting thought and bit of character exploration that I come up with in the planning process. Also, plotting! The reason I’ve generally stuck to oneshots is because I find writing lengthier plots really, really hard; sooner or later I just get stumped, thinking ‘ok, but what happens now?’ There’s a reason planning the Aeor fic has taken several months!

17) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

It’s not something I’d do myself, mostly because I really wouldn’t want to mess up another language in a fic - but I’ve seen it really suit certain stories before.

18) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

It is... really hard to remember that far back, but probably either Skyrim or Torchwood. I did not do so well, but I did it :’D

19) What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

Show me where my skin begins has a special place in my heart for being such huge fun to write and for being a truly feelgood fic. Familiar (like my mirror years ago) will always be important to me just for being my first CR fic and my entry point, as it were, to the CR fandom.

... but I really do hve a soft spot for The scars that silence carved on me, a study of Essek’s growth between 99 and 124. It’ll never be one of my most popular fics - the Nein don’t even appear in it - but I just loved taking Essek through all of these little changes, bridging the gap between the negotations and his reunion with his friends. And there are some scenes and lines in here I’m really proud of.

I think just about everyone I’d love to tag for this has already been tagged, so consider this an open tag for anyone who’d like to do this!

[electricbluebutterflies]

Nina/Mattias + fight sex but they’re idly bickering about something that doesn’t matter very much

Canon-divergent / the little adventure up in frozen hell took long enough for this dynamic to develop (because what even is a timeline and I have no clue how long it actually was on the show). Also, for plot purposes and context, this does make use of my belief that everyone is just SLIGHTLY aged up on the show and in my head most of the main lineup is 20ish. Oh, and first time writing these babes so fingers crossed I got characterization okay. Obviously NSFWish ahead, a little more graphic than I’ve written in a while and also involves a First Time...

He’s keeping the third blanket from her.

It is, objectively, the most petty Nina has felt since the whole almost-dying thing happened, maybe even since the getting-captured bit. Trying to get under his skin, trying to handle the daily shifting of their dynamic, has been almost as exhausting as trying to stay alive. Which in itself is enough of a challenge, because somehow they are lost and whenever Nina gets back to civilization she is going to have so many comments about Druskelle navigational instincts or the apparent total lack thereof. So. Many. Comments. The moment she has a possibly appreciative audience, because she is not wasting her breath on that here right now and-

At least tonight they’re in some kind of fishing shack again, clear space to build a fire and a pile of blankets of various questionable quality. There have been nights they haven’t been so lucky. She’s saving her energy for where it matters. But on the other hand, she is a delicate fragile creature who has made a point of avoiding this sort of climate, and…

Mathias still has the third blanket, and the fire is going well enough that they objectively can stay on opposite sides of this space, and Nina decides it’s time to change the game.

He’s pretty, okay? He’s annoying and stubborn and honestly at this point him technically being The Enemy is relatively low on the list of reasons he’s stomping on her every last nerve, but the man has two things in his favor – he’s loyal, and he is very nice to look at. Nina does not historically have the attention span when it comes to that level of pretty, but this one has decided to make it difficult for her. Like, he can say up and down that he does not want her, but they’ve shared a sleep-space – “bed” is too nice a word for most of those situations – for a week or so and she doesn’t need words, she knows what she wakes up to.

And she knows how damn respectful he is, she thinks as she starts undoing her vest buttons. This outfit, while very cute two weeks ago before her entire life took a very undesired detour, was not made for seduction. But if she does it slow enough, she hopes she won’t set him off. The other time she had to deal with that element of things, he was polite and turned his back even though she didn’t ask him to, and she assumes the same will happen here and she’ll get nowhere and-

Okay, fine, it’s not like taking off her vest reveals anything outright explicit. The current light makes her shirt a little more see-through than it’s meant to be, but still. She is about as decent as she ever gets.

“What are you doing?” he asks, tone about as calm as she’s ever heard him.

“You do not need two blankets,” Nina counters. “I want.”

And oh does that phrase cover more than his little Fjerdan mind has probably ever thought of. All those comments he’s made about assuming she’s trying to seduce him? Yeah, hasn’t been the main goal yet but she’s thought about it. Seeing what she could do to him – she does not expect he’d take any initiative there, highly doubts he’s ever even kissed anyone – would not be the worst way to spend an evening. So, that’s part of the plan now. Make him squirm, get on top of him, and take her prize. Should be easy.

As if to prove her point, she starts loosening the laces of her shirt just enough to easily take it off. She hadn’t bothered to wear anything under it, another brilliant idea proving that two-weeks-ago Nina had questionable judgment in all things, and it is all too easy to push it up over her shoulders and off her arms and…

He’s still watching. He looks wide-eyed and possibly concussed, but he’s still watching.

If Nina were a different sort of person, and probably also if she had gotten laid within the past six months (for the record it has been eight and that cute little bartender with the long nails was a way better lover than she was an informant), she would cross her arms over her breasts and stop here and wait for whatever protective instincts Mathias has to kick in. Even given what she’s just done, she looks vulnerable and cute enough to wake him up like that, and-

“What are you doing?” he asks again, this time more hostile. Good. When he’s frustrated his voice gets all growly, and that does things to her, and-

“Can we get this over with?”

“This?”

“The part where we have questionable hatesex that I will forget ever happened within the next year and you will remember for the rest of your life because whatever little creature gets stuck with you someday will not fuck you like I want to.”

For a moment, she’s pretty sure she broke him. This is definitely not about the blanket anymore, and-

“I. Don’t. Hate. You.”

Nina laughs. “Yeah well you are deeper in denial than anybody I’ve ever met. I am everything that scares you and you are stuck with me and I’m not sure which part of your code I do not violate but I am sure you would’ve-”

“You saved my life. I owe you everything.”

“Cute. Obligation. Great reason to put up with someone but still do everything you can to drag your feet about it.”

“Why do you… want me?” He sounds all hesitant, and good grief has nobody ever told this man what he looks like? Or do all of his people look that good at that age… that’s plausible enough…

“Limited options right now. It’s you or my hand and you’re warmer.”

She is not sure what she’s expecting beyond not what he actually does.

Fine, so she’s been good and hasn’t looked more than she had to when he’s been in a state of undress. Watching him strip right now, layers of leathers and furs that are apparently frightfully easy to take off, is different. He is wanting her to watch, keeping his eyes on her the whole time until he is completely naked in front of her and… she can’t help licking her lips, he is pretty and she wants all of that all over her. Now.

“This or your hand,” he repeats in a way that suggests that at least she probably won’t have to explain the general patterns of female masturbation to him. “Make your choice.”

She about tackles him.

He’s built like a damn tree, Nina reminds herself in the process. Solid enough to handle her attempt at literally jumping him, which doesn’t exactly work but does throw off his balance for a moment, and she gets him pulled down for a bitey kiss. He has just a little bit of scruff now and she’d wanna see what that feels like between her legs but also she is pretty sure Fjerdan men do not do that and she doesn’t want to completely wreck him in one go, and while she still suspects all of this is new to him, he has good instincts.

Her skirt and underwear are feeling like too much of an undesired obstacle, so she undoes them with her free hand while trying to stick her tongue down his throat. So she’s a little aggressive, whatever, he’s clearly into it and nobody gets hurt by it.

“What do you need me to do,” he breathes, and oh he can admit being clueless, this is a treasure, this is-

She grabs his wrist and puts his hand between her thighs. “Poke around until you like the noises I’m making.”

Mathias has good hands. She’s known this for several days now, but it is a different thing to know it with one of said hands exploring her soft parts. She feels a fingertip inside her then quickly pulled back, another batting her clit back and forth with uncertainty. Then the finger inside her is back, and she knows how wet she is, and-

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he murmurs.

“That’s why I’m leading. I’m not giving you the chance.”

But he couldn’t hurt her like this, she thinks. Not with his hands prepping her and a second finger up inside her and accidentally finding her sensitive spot, not with his prick hard against her belly, not with his mouth taking kisses as he learns what he likes. There is something inherently good in him and she worries for a moment that what they are about to do will break it, and yet-

“Get on your back,” she orders. Easier for both of them if she leads, she reminds herself.

He does without any complaint, and she takes a moment to enjoy the view. The solidness of him, for the next few minutes all hers. Would any of the girls he might get stuck with back home be able to handle this? And the way he’s looking up at her, a scared but willing participant in whatever she decides to do. Maybe he’s right. Maybe hatesex is the wrong word.

She straddles him, knees around his hips, and drops.

Blame the dry spell. Blame the absolute weirdness of the situation. Blame the fact that she is tired and hungry and cold. None of that matters. He feels good inside her and she makes a noise she cannot describe and-

“Am I…?”

“No. Feels good.”

She rolls her hips against his to prove a point, works him even deeper into her and leans down for more kisses. She can taste the shock and the innocence of him. This isn’t how he thought his first time would go, she is sure of it now, and yet he is allowing her and-

His hips jerk up and she makes a shocked little noise. “Do that again.”

He does, and she continues her pattern, and… it’s good, on her side. Not the best sex she’s ever had, but his hesitance is useful enough. She doesn’t trust him to say if he’s getting close, so she stays focused on his face, looking for signs, looking for-

She shifts her angle just a little bit, his prick hits the right spot inside her harder than she expects, and she shatters.

As she comes down, she sees that his expression has turned to something worse, scared and worried and unable to speak. He’s still hard inside her, at least, but he is motionless and cold and she doesn’t-

“Did I hurt you?”

Nina laughs. She shouldn’t, this is a legitimately valid question, but-

“No. What you just did felt amazing. Your turn.”

She resumes rolling her hips against his to indicate the conversation is over and she does not want to explain herself, and a few clenches of her inner walls later he spills inside her. It’s a beautiful thing to experience, the sudden warmth overlapping with the strangled gasp of surprise and-

“You know this means I have to marry you,” he says when he’s capable of coherent thought. “If there’s any chance…”

She shifts position so their bodies are no longer connected. “No. It doesn’t.”

“But I…”

“We’re too different,” she murmurs. “You know that. There’s nowhere safe. If anything… if the worst happens, I’ll lie.”

“Honor is honor. If there is even a chance-“

And oh, for a moment she wants it too. For a moment, she lets herself think about the impossibility of being all that she could be, both Grisha and wife, not forced to choose between her complexities. Unrealistic, she knows, a flighty daydream at best but she wants all the same.

“Nothing to worry about. My last cycle finished three days before your people tried to kill me, so… right now I can’t get pregnant.”

“Still. If it happened… I would stand by you.”

She kisses his face, covers the angles of him in wet kisses. “Good to know.”

[nightofnyx8]

Thank you so much to @lantur, @roseofbattles, @megthemighty, @fullmetalscullyy, and @lastwagontrainhopper for the tag! Love you all! <3

How many works do you have on AO3? 16 😊 12 are from Fullmetal Alchemist, and 4 are from the Batman/Teen Titans category.

What's your total AO3 word count?

86845

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Someone to Watch Over Me—This one is very dear to me, because it was my first time creating an OC and I just fell in love with Dr. Kallen. I love outside perspectives so much because I get to explore Royai through different eyes and I find it very insightful. It was also fun to research a bunch of medical procedures and the 1900s hospital environment in general!

In My Tender Embrace—This one has my heart, as it took so much empathy and love to write, and it also really helped me explore Riza’s character in relation to motherhood what that meant after Ishval. It was so very very hard to write about her miscarriages and the toll it took on her and Roy, but it was also beautiful to me to help them both heal and strengthen each other with my favorite hurt/comfort.

The Moments to Remember—This is the first Royai fic I wrote (and also my least favorite haha). I mostly wrote it because my family was stressing me out about planning my own wedding, and some of that frustration leaked into the fic haha. I’d probably change a couple things if I went back to it, but it has some nice domestic Royai towards the end.

Hold Me Close—Ahhh this one is such a guilty pleasure! I loved writing these one-bed prompts so much, and it’s also some good practice for me to write some more intimate scenes. I haven’t written full on smut yet, but that might change in the last chapter oooooppppps.

The First Thing He Checked—This was one of my favorite pieces to write! I got to explore Berthold’s character a bit, and of course Roy just gets to save the day at the very end. I’m such a sucker for “Are you hurt?” tropes and this one was such a lovely character comparison piece to write.

Do you reply to comments, why or why not? Yes! It means the world to me that someone took the time to read through something I’ve written, and even more so that they would leave their thoughts on it, and it’s a way I can express my gratitude for that! Plus, I sometimes learn something from other people’s perceptions of the piece and can sometimes inspire new scenes or ideas.

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending? Most definitely The Distance Between Us. Not only because both Roy and Riza are, well, dead—but also because that whole fic was just a heartbreak and a half to write.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending? Probably “I’m Only Me When I’m With You,” because not only were Roy and Riza free of the usual war criminal trauma, but it was also like the most satisfying ending to write ever with that slow burn college dorks in love (ahh look, it’s an AU, go figure).

Do you write crossovers? If so, what's the craziest one you've ever written? I don’t think I will since I like overanalyzing too much. Like my current WIP is all about unfolding the events towards the Promised Day, and Arakawa’s making me read between the lines to figure out what in the actual heck was Roy’s master plan. Adding another fandom into that would probably just make my brain explode.

Have you ever received hate on a fic? I believe I received one comment on my old fanfiction account once back in the day.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I’ve never written full-on smut, I tend to either write it non-explicatively or imply it somehow. I’m trying to decide which way to go on the last chapter of Hold Me Close, and depending on what I decide the rating will have to change. Favorite guilty smut to read: drunken confessions, dom/sub (hi @lantur), basically anytime Roy and Riza go undercover and things…happen, and secret relationships.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? I have not, thankfully 😊

Have you ever had a fic translated? No, but @klainelynch did a podfic of “Endgame” that I still haven’t quite recovered from.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? No, but I’d love to! It sounds fun!

What’s your all-time favourite ship? Roy Mustang/Riza Hawkeye—Such a wonderful dynamic and I don’t see myself stopping anytime soon.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? I might finish I’d Still Choose You someday, but it’s a fandom that I don’t write for anymore unless someone requests it, and I just don’t have the same fervor for it as I used to.

What are your writing strengths? Hmm, I think that I do well conveying emotions in a real and grounded way. Some of my fics deal with some hard topics, and I always want the emotions felt by the reader to be well earned and rich instead of empty or fake. I like my writing style as well, and I feel like I learn something new with each fic I write.

What are your writing weaknesses? Random spelling and tense errors that slip past the editing stage, and it’s something I’m continually working on. I also feel like my prose and flow of the piece can feel a bit mechanical at times.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? I've included words in different languages in some of my fics, but I don’t think I’d be comfortable writing full dialogue unless it was Spanish, the only other language I’m fluent in.

What was the first fandom you wrote for? Percy Jackson, back when I was 13!

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written? I’d have to say Heartbeat, because those two pieces required a lot of empathy and research and love. And though it broke my heart to write that story for Roy and Riza, I put a lot of heart into it and it helped me to grow as a writer. That’s also the fic where the comments have humbled me the most, because it gets into some real-world issues that can bring up some hard emotions that I wanted to treat with the utmost respect.

Tagging @bringingglory @musing-and-music @nightglider124 @lightdusk96 and anyone else who wants to haha :)