#and i’m sitting in my room like…… dude maybe the lease she pays half of our rent for what r u talking about

[figuerockfaeth]

.

[luulapants]

Stories We Tell

When I was eight years old, my parents split up, and my dad, as divorced dads are wont to do, got a shitty apartment in a weird neighborhood.

The building was two stories with sixteen units. There was an in-ground pool out back, unheated in the shade, so the temperature hovered just above arctic. Half the time, instead of swimming, you ended up fishing a dead squirrel out and changing your mind. The laundry room in the basement flooded every time it rained. The appliances were junk, constantly breaking. The doors and locks, too. The landlord never fixed anything.

I didn’t give much thought to the neighbors until I was fourteen, when my dad got full custody. Someone broke into our ground floor apartment around the same time (and by “broke in,” I mean waltzed through a door with a broken lock) so we moved to the second floor, where it was a little safer. Our new balcony looked out over the rodent graveyard pool.

Over the next few years, I developed a colorful picture of our neighbors:

--

Across the hall was Doris, a madam and a raging alcoholic. She was in her fifties or sixties, but there were always astoundingly attractive young women coming and going from her apartment. She threw parties where she was the oldest woman by about three decades.

On quieter nights, Doris would sit on her balcony and get wine-drunk. If my friends and I were walking past, she would lean over the railing and shout super appropriate things at us like, “Izzat yer boyfriend, honey? R’you two using protection?!”

One time, my dad did some legal work for Doris. She paid him with two cases of wine.

(My dad doesn’t drink wine, but somehow, it was still gone by the end of the summer. I dunno, Dad, it’s a mystery to me. Couldn’t tell ya.)

--

Next to Doris was a big old dude that used to stand on his balcony in whitey tighties and watch me and the other kids while we waited for the bus. I never learned much about him, except he was creepy with a capital “Eeeugh.”

--

Across the hall from Captain Underpants were the Five to Eight Guys. So called because there were at least five of them living in that two-bedroom apartment, but no more than eight. They all looked vaguely the same: twenty-something stoners with a lot of tattoos and piercings and a fashion sense that hovered somewhere between Hot Topic and PacSun, while somehow managing to be worse than either.

I don’t think all of them were drug dealers. But at least some of them were. Absolutely. People would go into the apartment and re-emerge thirty minutes later in a veritable cloud of smoke. Our coat closet shared a wall with them, and my coats always reeked of pot. I mostly started smoking because people assumed anyway.

The summer after my Freshman year, they hung blankets up around their balcony to create an extra room. I told my dad, “That’s smart – there’s so many of them living in there, so they made an extra bedroom.”

My dad looked up at the tell-tale red glow of a grow lamp peeking out through the cracks of the blankets and told me, “Kiddo, I don’t think it’s a bedroom.”

--

Below the Five to Eight Guys were two elderly nuns.

Yes, really.

They never had a mean word for anyone: not the madam, not the drug dealers, not the creepy old man standing outside in his briefs. That wasn’t to say they had a kind word for them. Their go-to was smiling and minding their own fucking business.

I liked to think of them as our building security. Because, sure, we had no real security to speak of. The doors were always propped open, and I don’t think there was a functional smoke alarm in the entire building.

But surely God wasn’t going to let anything too bad happen to a building with nuns living in it, right?

--

Next door to the nuns was the strangest of the whole lot: Crazy Cat Man. He was Russian, in his seventies, and had lived in the building since before the landlord added the ‘no pets’ rule to the lease. And I’m pretty sure Crazy Cat Man was reasons A through Z for that rule.

I never got a real count on the cats, but it was somewhere in the ballpark of ten. But ten cats wasn’t enough to sate Crazy Cat Man’s love for animals. Oh, no.

One winter, he decided to feed the geese, and hangry geese laid siege to the building for weeks.

Another time, I heard the landlord’s voice downstairs. He was screaming, “What the fuck is the matter with you!”

And Crazy Cat Man was yelling back, “I no let squirrel in the apartment! I never!”

He had. He had spent weeks feeding the squirrels, getting friendly with them. Then he started cracking the patio door to lure them inside.

Crazy Cat Man was married. His wife had albinism and was photo-sensitive, so I only ever saw her outside once.

See, once a year, Crazy Cat man delivered phone books. It was his only job. He spent the rest of the year trying to fix his van up so it would run well enough to deliver the phone books. He was constantly working on it. Every part he put in, the van attacked and destroyed like a body rejecting a donor organ.

One day, he hadn’t pulled the van quite far enough into his garage, so when he lowered the garage door, it hit the back bumper and got stuck. That day, I learned that his wife’s absolute favorite thing in the world was watching her husband be incompetent, because she came out of the apartment for once. He couldn’t get the door back up, so he had to try to crawl under it to get inside the garage, and she was standing there shouting, “My husband is an idiot! My husband is an idiot!”

My dad and I stopped to watch this seventy year old man crawl under a mechanically compromised garage door. My dad said to her, “If he’s not careful, he’s going to be a dead idiot.”

The albino wife turned to him and hissed, “I should be so lucky.”

--

My senior year of high school, the recession hit, and my dad’s law practice went under, and my older brother died of a brain aneurysm. A week after I graduated, my dad told me we were going to be evicted, and I’d have to find somewhere else to stay until I went to college.

We moved everything out of the apartment, so nothing would be trashed when they evicted us. My dad ran off to the mountains to contemplate suicide (as one does), and, for about a month, I had this big, empty apartment to myself. My friends and I threw parties, got drunk. Hot boxed the bathroom.

And I slept in a sleeping bag on the floor in the living room, because it felt too weird to sleep in my old room with none of my things in it.

Late one of those nights, alone in my empty apartment, I heard screaming outside. I went on the balcony. All the neighbors were coming outside to see what the noise was.

On the property behind ours, across from the squirrel-killing pool, there was a huge cottonwood tree, maybe fifty feet tall. On the end of this long branch near the top, there was a raccoon. Closer to the trunk were two more. I don’t know if you’ve ever heard a raccoon scream, but it’s almost human sounding.

One of the two at the trunk rushed at the third, and forced it farther to the end of the branch. Then the two raccoons started bouncing the branch. The one at the end screamed.

I think we all realized what was happening at the same time, because I heard someone downstairs say, “What the fuck,” at the same time I thought it.

It took a long time. Pushing the raccoon back, then bouncing the branch, then pushing it back again. By the end, the one raccoon was hanging from the end of the branch, which was pointing straight down. It was screaming continuously.

When it finally fell, you could hear the thud.

I heard the same person say, “What the fuck,” and I had no idea who it was.

--

If found out years later that the rumor in the complex about my dad was that he’d been a lawyer for the mob, and he got on someone’s shit list, and that’s how he ended up so broke. And it’s why he had to disappear so suddenly.

The truth was, my dad was a good lawyer, but a terrible businessman. His clients were mostly small businesses and everyday people. When they didn’t pay him, he assumed it was because they didn’t have the money, and he didn’t want to rub it in by asking.

When I heard that theory, it occurred to me that I had created characters out of our neighbors with no real regard for what was true or logical, only what was interesting. I think that night with the raccoons was the closest I ever got to any of them, as real people. Standing in the dark, faceless, watching something horrible that we had no control over.

I’m not sure what the rumors about me were, but here’s the truth: by all logic, I should have been a pretty miserable kid. My dad had untreated depression, and sometimes he stayed in bed for days. When there was no food in the fridge, I assumed it was because we didn’t have the money, and I didn’t want to rub it in by asking. I went to friends’ houses to eat. That guy that broke into our apartment when I was fourteen? He had a brain tumor, and he thought I was his girlfriend. And I should have been scared shitless that a forty-something year old man had tried to get in bed with me before my dad woke up and beat the bajezus out of him in front of me.

But instead, I started making these stories about the weirdos we lived with. I loved them. I was obsessed with them. I talked about them all the time.

“Say, Julia, how are things at home?”

“Well, you’ll never guess what the Five to Eight Guys were up to yesterday, let me tell you!”

--

I saw Crazy Cat Man two years ago. He’s still delivering phone books, and he looks nothing like I remember him.

[adonis-koo]

Three’s a crowd

| 10 |

Plot: (CEO AU) When your mom’s fairytale life begins to bleed over into your world you’re suddenly caught between two men and one big secret, what was suppose to be a relaxing trip soon begins to spiral out of control. All you wanted was a free vacation…

Pairing: Jungkook/Reader/Jimin, Hoseok/Reader, Taehyung/Reader, Seokjin/Reader

Genre: Smut, angst, drama, angst with a happy ending

Word count: 8.5k

Previous | Next

Warning ⚠️ This fic touches on drug use, alcoholism and abuse. Please read with caution if any of these things are triggers for you 🖤

You were collapsed against the futon couch, your stomach exposed to the warm humid air of the room from the shitty cropped Toyko style shirt you wore and the high waisted gym shorts would’ve done some justice to your exposed skin had it not showed your legs like a swimsuit. But the least of your concerns was the skin you were showing as you chugged the beer in your hand like it was koolaid.

Hoseok clacked his tongue as he curved a brow, “Maybe you should take it easy Y/n...you have to open shop with Taehyung tomorrow.”

“Dude, she just watched someone get his head broken in like a pinata,” Taehyung hummed, fingers stroking through your hair soothingly, your head currently laid in his lap as he continued, “I think she has a good reason to drink.”

You sighed, forcing yourself to stop chugging as you set the beer down on the coffee table before curling back against the warmth of his lap, his fingers continued threading into your hair. All you wanted was that horrid memory erased from your mind, you wished you could get the detailed of the man’s splattered blood and chunks of brain out of your memory. But every graphic memory was seared into your memory.

The biggest memory was Jungkook’s expression, he was a totally different person, was that who he truly was? You would’ve expected someone more like Jimin to be tangled up in whatever it was that he was involved in, but no. It was Jungkook, and he was clearly proud of it. Or something like that…? “Fuck…” You groaned, pushing your hands onto your face, “All I wanted was free vacation…”

“Mmm guess everything really does come with a price huh.” Hoseok hummed out, feeling Taehyung shove him only to shove back unappreciative. You had ignored them both though, your phone left further on the futon that had been pulled out, you had instantly blocked Jungkook’s number, but you couldn’t help but wonder if he had tried to get a hold of you.

With your mother's engagement official, and her being so close to Jungkook’s mother, you doubt that was going to be the last time you saw him. But dread only filled you at the thought. When had things become so messy between you both?

“You think a hitman’s gonna lynch me now?” You asked weakly, making both of them snort laughs before trying to cough to cover it. Taehyung had pulled you up to sit upright before encasing you in his arms, “Hey if you die, I die.” 

Leave it to that loveable dumbass to proclaim you’d die together. For the first time in forever you weren’t flinching and trying to claw your way out of his grasp. Instead you found yourself leaning into the large oversized black hoodie, the warmth of his body emitting against you as you gave a contented hum.

Hoseok gave that bright smile he was famous for as he laughed, leaning into his seat as he tipped his beer towards you both, “Alright I’ll be here to pay for the funeral when you fuckers die.”

They both began laughing and slowly, you could feel the tip of your mouth curve up, warmth squeezing into your chest at the normality. You had finally survived the week, you survived and now things would go back to the way they were. 

But strangely enough, you had a bad feeling, things were going to be anything but normal anymore.

The night had continued on, eventually cutting off the alcohol intake as you gave them all of the details of the events that took place throughout the week and you had figured your friend’s would’ve started picking teams, but much to your surprise. Neither of them seemed to like Jimin or Jungkook, “But why…” You furrowed your brows in surprise.

Hoseok was the first to speak, his lip wrinkling in disgust, “First of all, Jimin sounds like an asshole. I mean he blew your back out...literally, but at what cost? Who the fuck would say that too you, you are not a dime a dozen.” 

You winced at the venom in his voice, the protective side he was all too well known for showing as he continued, “And furthermore, Jungkook...okay I’ll admit I didn’t think he was that bad of a kid until you told us about the whole fiancee thing. That was the first red flag for me. But now the whole murder thing? I don’t know if it’s mafia related but you do not need to be involved in that shit.”

“Yeah I agree,” Taehyung hummed, a fair bit more relaxed then Hoseok, who’s shoulders were tensed and his jaw clenched at the idea, “I think it’s for the best that things played out the way they did. You’re better off without either of them, for now at least. Maybe things will change in the future.” He shrugged, looking a little more open to the idea then Hoseok did.

And you could tell Hoseok didn’t agree with him either, but refrained from saying so. Sighing you supposed they did have a point, it was better this way. For things to get back to the way they were before, but you couldn’t shake the odd feeling that things had definitely changed. 

Yesterday night had changed your life, in a lot more ways than one.

You had stood still for a moment, taking in a deep breath at the mouth watering smell of the bakery first thing in the morning. More days than less, you had gotten used to the smell, but having the week off had made your body unfamiliar with your long time work place once more. Allowing you to enjoy the warm comforting smell.

Often times when you were younger, Mr Kim would let you and Taehyung eat from the first batch of muffins if you hadn’t eaten that morning. You had a lot of fond memories in this old beat up place.

You jumped slightly at the plate that was plotted in front of you with a large blueberry muffin. Taehyung eagerly shoving it towards you as he pushed the muffin he was currently devouring further in his mouth, “Eat it, I know you want too.” You could barely make out what he had said, his mouth too stuffed to genuinely talk.

Rolling your eyes despite the smile on your lips you picked up the sweet treat, nibbling on the side as you hummed. The muffin was still warm and had a sprinkling of sugar on the top, mixing it nicely with the tart taste of the blueberries. Damn you really loved this shop, “Hey Tae.”

“Hm?” Taehyung hummed out, placing his half ate muffin on the counter top before going to the large mixing bowl, finishing the rest of the muffin batch.

“Did she ever come and get the rest of her shit?” You had wheeled past him towards the coffee machine, needing something to wash down your throat. You weren’t a huge coffee drinker but it smelled so good, it was difficult to resist when it was right in front of you. 

Taehyung’s lips twitched slightly in annoyance at just the thought of her, huffing he nodded, “Yeah, pretty much, she just has one more round to make before she’s gone for good.” He suddenly scoffed as he turned towards you, “You wanna know what she told me?”

You furrowed your brows, pressing the cup to your lips as you let the hot bitter liquid wash down your throat, “What?”

“That I was ‘more than free to go with her’ as if I’d ever actually do that.” Taehyung had that all too familiar broody look on his face as his shoulders hung, pulling up the 24 pan tray as you opened the oven door for him. You only sighed though, you couldn’t really blame him for being angry with his mom. She was the one who had turned out to be a gold digger, leaving his dad because he wasn't ‘rich enough’.

“She actually thinks you’re on her side during all of this?” You raised your brows expectantly. No matter what, you were always going to side with your friends, sure you might try and give them a voice of reason (just like they did for you) but if they were hurt, especially like this. Well you assumed their anger was justified.

Hearing the door of the shop ring you had made your way out to the register as Taehyung followed sighing, “No, I don’t think so. I made it pretty damn clear when she offered that I wasn’t interested. Besides we’re shacking up soon, right?”

You greeted the customer with the best smile you could muster while taking their order. A large piece of coffee cake and a grande americano was easy enough, shit coffee cake sounded really good right now. Your stomach growled in objection as you set up the plate and Taehyung had got to work on the coffee, “As of right now yeah, I was dead ass serious when I texted you that. But what about you though? Is your dad gonna be okay?”

You glanced over at him, the sleeves to his black hoodie pushed up to his elbows and his sandy brown hair was messy and covered over his eyebrows, Taehyung gave a hum in thought before shrugging, “Nah, I think he’ll be fine, he’s still hurt yeah. But it’s been over a year, old mans actually been on my ass for awhile now about moving out. Kinda works out for me too.”

You had moved to the far left end of the counter that had been opened on both sides, setting down the plate as Taehyung moved to set the coffee beside it calling out the order number before moving back to the register.

“Alright cool, so I was thinking maybe we should start looking for a new place though, the contract was signed under both my mom and me and when she ends the lease I’m not sure if they’ll let me resign with someone new. The landlord's picky as hell with who lives there.”

“In beatshitville? The fuck?” Taehyung snorted a laugh as you shrugged while throwing up your hands, “Alright sounds fine with me, never really cared for your place anyways.” Taehyung nodded. You weren’t too surprised by his words, it’s not like you lived in the best neighborhood in the world, while you’d give it decent at best it still wasn’t the greatest, “Oh by the way, I was thinking about picking up a second job too, any recommendations?”

You curved a brow at his words, not too shocked by them, unless you both were willing to downgrade in house rent he’d have to get a second job as well, “Well Heaven's Best is always looking for strippers.” You snorted a loud laugh as Taehyung rolled his eyes near close to the back of his head, “All I’m saying is it’s really not a bad place, they’ll teach you pole for free with that face.”

“Yeah and the manager would probably want me to suck his dick in compensation.” Taehyung rolled his eyes again as he began cleaning off the counter, he said no more but you wouldn’t have been surprised if he was actually considering. Not that you really wanted him to take the job offer but it really wasn’t all too bad of a jig- temporarily speaking.

The rest of the day went by within a blink of an eye and before you knew it, you were closing shop at seven, you had all agreed to go out before you and Hoseok headed into work for dinner, or well breakfast for Hoseok. But still it was a nice time slot for tonight’s shift, which you wouldn’t be starting until nine.

Hoseok gave a big yawn, stretching out in his long sleeve, you were honestly surprised he wasn’t too hot in as he ran a hand through his hair, “Oh I don’t know if it means anything to you but you might wanna take a look at this.”

You were confused for a minute, pausing from the noodles you had currently been devouring before slurping the remaining that hung from your lips, watching him pull out his phone. Fuck, what was that supposed to mean? You hated cliffhangers. 

Hoseok handed his phone towards you as you glanced towards the screen, a little confused at first before swearing under your breath, “Motherfucker.” Weren’t camera’s not supposed to be allowed on the VIP floor of the casino? It was a picture of you and Jungkook, both of your backs turned thank god, you were perched up on his lap while playing that game of poker. 

The photo was grainy and maybe took off of a phone…? You knew for a fact that there was no way photo’s could’ve been allowed on that floor. Who the fuck sold it to media?

“So it was you?” Hoseok sighed as you handed the phone back to him, your hands instantly covered your face, both in embarrassment and self hatred. You did a good job of forgetting about Jungkook for the day, but that photo had let all of those memories rush back to your head.

It’s not like they knew it was you though, the headline had said it was Jungkook and Jae just the day before their engagement had been announced. Which also confirmed that he had made it official that night of the party. You had been avoiding social media for that very reason.

Taehyung instantly grabbed the phone from him to see before giving a low whistle, “Well we only know because you literally just confirmed it.”

“What if my mom see’s this!?” You screeched out, sure your friends couldn’t tell it was you but what if your mom did? She knew you from the inside out, you wouldn’t be surprised if she knew it was you just by your back, or the color of your hair, hell maybe even your ears. You just didn’t know!

Hoseok shrugged before snatching his phone back from Taehyung, “I doubt it, Y/n you’re too worried, besides i’d be a little more concerned about fucking a mobster the entire week.”

“He isn’t a mobster!” You cried out with a whisper, pressing your hands into your head at his words looking distressed. There was no way Jungkook was a mobster! You just couldn’t imagine those sweet, doe eyes filling that role. You weren’t sure what he was, but that couldn’t have been the case. Right?

Taehyung had been trying his best to not laugh but was failing miserably as he let the laughter bubble in his throat, Hoseok had began to join in with him and as much as you tried to stay serious it didn’t work, letting the smile take over your lips as you sighed. Rolling your eyes as you stirred your drink around, “He isn’t a mobster guys.” You murmured softly, a little more serious than before, “I don’t know what he is, but I don’t think that’s the case.”

“Maybe you should unblock him and just ask?” Hoseok offered, fiddling with his chopsticks before shrugging altogether, Hoseok was the most pragmatic of the three of you and you knew he wouldn’t be suggesting it if he didn’t fully think it was a good idea, “I mean he was gonna explain when you first saw, right?”

You thought over the memory again, it was still a bit vague and the shock of the whole event had made it very hazy for you. You didn’t remember much of the night after that, just waking up in the airplane the next day, “I don’t know Hobi….I mean I don’t remember a lot but I’m pretty sure I was the one who told him to stay away. It feels a bit hypocritical to go and hit him up after saying that.”

“Yeah but you were in shock, that was just a knee jerk reaction,” Taehyung chimed in, ignoring his half ate fajita as he pointed his chopsticks at you, “You said he wanted to get with you, right? And not just for a good fuck.”

You facepalmed before glancing around the shop, did he have to talk so loud? “Yeah but…”

“Then he’s probably wanting to at least explain himself. You should give him the chance to do that before cutting ties...unless his dick is that good then- hey!” Taehyung whined as you smacked his arm with a glare. You didn’t need to hear this right now, the last thing on your mind was his body when he just killed someone.

“I don’t know guys, I’ll think about it but right now…I think I just need some space. Beside’s he just went public with Jae, getting near him with a ten foot pole is social suicide.” You sighed as you leaned against your hand on the table, it was the truth honestly. Right now you needed time to digest everything that had happened before approaching him, if at all.

Your friends hummed in agreement before continuing the conversation elsewhere. Should you really talk to him though? You wouldn’t deny you wanted answers, a lot. You needed some sort of explanation because you were desperately wanting to hold onto the idea that Jungkook was still a good person, that he wasn’t someone who had just pretended. 

He seemed so authentic, if he had genuinely tricked you...you were almost certain your faith in whatever was left in humanity would be lost. But another part of you was too scared to try, the icy look of his face, void of any emotion still haunted you when there was a moment your thoughts weren’t occupied. Did you really want to find out the answer?

You sunk back into your seat, forcing yourself back into the conversation of your friends. It wouldn’t do you any good simmering over it, things were back to normal now, right? Who cared.

“So...basically you’re telling me this guy went hack saw murder on the coffee pot?” You furrowed your brows at the glass scattering across the vacant room, the sheets were fumbled and torn up making the slight creak of the fan above all the more ominous. Not that it actually scared you, but you supposed those who weren’t used to your job would’ve been a little freaked out.

Hoseok hummed with a shrug as he grabbed the broom from the cart, “Yeah basically, didn’t they pass a rule about appliances being left out of the patients rooms?”

“That was allowed in the first place?” You snorted a scoff, raising your brows as you went to work on the bed, pulling the ragged blank off before folding it up, tossing it on the cart while getting to work on the tattered sheet. Damn did these patients have some strong muscles to be tearing this shit up.

Hoseok glanced back over towards you before shrugging, “Well don’t take my word for it. All I wanna know is how he got it in here. I think they had to wheel him to the ER.”

The screams of the guy had died down the echoing hallway as you both stood still for a moment before resuming your tasks, “Did he slit his wrists?” You hummed out, taking note of the fresh blood that oozed from the bed, dripping down to the floor.

“On accident, I think.” Hoseok answered, stepping over the new pile of glass to get the dustpan, sighing as he glanced towards the door, “Don’t you ever feel bad for them? The patients?”

You licked your lips for a moment, giving it some thought. You wouldn’t necessarily say you pitied them, pity wouldn’t fix their minds. But you did wish them the best, you knew first hand how much it taxed your best friend, “Nah, they aren’t broken Hobi...just different.” You finally answered, it was how you felt. It wasn’t the patients fault they were born with the mental illnesses they had, or how they had developed over time. 

But that didn’t make them less human than anyone else, they deserved love and compassion too, “They need people like you helping them Hobi, y’know? Some of the people working here are only doing it for the pay grade and it shows.”

You both knew that was true, it wasn’t a secret that psych nurses were paid well for their line of work. But some of them treated the patients so coldly, it really did show in the patients attitude. You were being honest, Hoseok was such a sweetheart to all the patients, you knew he’d be a good addition to the team here. If he got hired on but that was a whole other problem in itself.

You both finished up cleaning out the room before steering the cart away, stretching out with a long yawn. Damn you forgot how tiring this really was on such little sleep. It was only 1 AM but you weren’t even halfway through shift, it was gonna be a long night.

Hearing scuffling of shoes though made you both pause for a second before shrugging, “You know this is against the rules!”

“It’s her kid he’s almost graduated anyways he can help!” Both you and Hoseok turned around at the bickered words of two of the nurses, they were paused a little ways away from you and they were familiar enough. You didn’t know them by name but Hoseok had knew them both enough. The one on the left stepped forward ignoring her friend as she called out, “Hoseok, we really need some help. She’s having an episode and she keeps asking for you.”

“Where is she?” Hoseok instantly strode over with you in suit, not a single drop of hesitation on his face as he inquired further. But the nurses both turned around showing him the way rather than speaking. You didn’t have to go, but you weren’t sure what was going on, all you knew was the word ‘episode’ in the ward was bad and you knew he could handle his mother but what about after?

Both of the nurses stopped outside of the room where you jolted at the loud thump and harsh scream, that was definitely his mother. The door quickly opened to reveal one of the other nurses, her breath rapid and her eyes dilated, “Holy shit. Thank god you’re here Jung, are you sure you wanna go through with this?”

“Positive, I have Y/n for back up if I need any help.” He gave a glance towards you, making you give a quick nod in confirmation. You’d go to hell and back for your friends, you were a lot of things in this life, but you were best known for your unwavering loyalty.

The nurses nodded at the crashing and muffled screaming continued from the other side, Hoseok paused in front of the door for a second, taking a breath before you both entered. The room was completely wrecked, the sheets tattered and torn off the bed, feathers from the pillow scattered across the room and his mother. 

Yuki was beating her fists against the wall, her hair was ragged and oily but the tears spilling down her face while she wailed something incomprehensible made your heart splinter.

You let Hoseok approach first, his steps with soft and calculated with his gaze focused solely on her, treating her both as if she was delicate porcelain but also like a cornered animal, and you supposed that was a rightful take. His mother looked like such, her eyes were blown out and she looked terrified while pounding her fists against the wall, dark bruises forming on the palms of her hands from the amount of force she had been using.

“Hey, mom it’s me.” Hoseok spoke gently over her wailing to try and not startle her, his hands held slightly in front of him to try and act as a barrier between himself and her if she lashed out, but your sight wasn’t on him anymore, it was on the object in her hand she gripped. You squinted to try and get a fix on it as Hoseok slowly approached closer to her.

Your eyes suddenly widened in realization as you reached out, “Hoseok, wait!” But it was too late, his hand had stretched out to gently grasp her shoulder, causing her to violently whip around and lunge at him with the syringe she had been holding.

You watched in horror but Hoseok had reacted quickly, ducking out of the way only for her to give another loud screech, she had said something but you couldn’t make out her words as she shoved him away.

The strength of patients never ceased to amaze you, you could barely register Hoseok being sent tumbling backwards before her sight suddenly set out you.

The syringe came flying your way as you scrambled to dodge the attack, her movements were fast and sharp compared to your frantic figure as you tried to back away from each of her thrashes towards you. There was only so much space in the room though before your back had hit the wall and Yuki was far too close, she let out another shriek as she slammed the syringe towards you.

Her body near pressing against yours and you barely managed to move your head to the side of her attack in time, the syringe stuck planted far into the wall where your head originally should have been.

After one unsuccessful tug she abandoned it, grabbing your jumpsuit, tears streaming down her face as she shouted something fumbled, something like…..Hoseok?

It sounded similar to his name but you couldn’t think in the moment as she threw you to the ground, but the water falling from her eyes made it difficult for you to want to fight back as you tried to scramble away.

But Yuki had clambered on top of you and all you could feel was the pain throbbing against your face as she slammed her hands down against you with no particular aim in mind, she had kept crying but her force was beginning to weaken as she finally managed to cry out, “Where’s my son!?”

You had tried catching her wrists but her movement was too frantic and for a moment you were beginning to wonder if you were going to pass out. Your head was beginning to feel light and the pressure in your chest from her body weight was beginning to tighten.

“I’m right here mom.”

The pain didn’t cease but the cause of it had, Hoseok had stood behind you both, reach down gripping her upperarms from behind to keep her steady, her breath was ragged and she had almost became like a rag doll as he pulled her off of you, turning her around, “I’m right here.” he murmured more softly.

You couldn’t see her expression, just her choked sobs softening as she murmured, “Hobi.” you collapsed in relief at the sight of her throwing her arms around him into a hug, her crying not ceasing but her volatile state from before being calmed. You aimlessly store up at the ceiling, letting them share their moment together as your hand, shaky from adrenaline lifted up to touch your lip that was in seering pain and an odd wet sensation on your chin.

Gently letting your fingers ghost of the area before lifting them away, sighing again as you closed your eyes, fuck that was blood. She must’ve busted your lower lip during her rounds of hits.

Nothing else was bleeding though, maybe bruising. Probably bruising, but you were familiar enough with that. You had heard Hoseok gently coax her back to sit on the bed an arm wrapped around her shoulders, “Mom lay down, okay? I’m not going anywhere. You good Y/n?” He called out the last part a little louder from his spot on the other side of the bed.

“Peachy.” You replied dryly, the pain still throbbing and your body still pumping with adrenaline from what had just happened. Well, it could’ve been worse. You glanced towards the syringe that was stuck in the wall before sitting up slowly, wiping the blood from your chin despite feeling more trickle down. You’d definitely have to get that cleaned as soon as you weren’t needed here.

Standing up was a bit difficult at first, your head still light and your legs weak but you wobbled over to the wall, giving a good yank from the syringe to pull it from the wall. That could’ve been your head. You cringed slightly as you inspected it, the substance still in there as you hummed. This must’ve been the sedative they were trying to give her before things got out of hand. You glanced back towards Hoseok who had just got her to lay down.

Her eyes were doey and bright just like his but her cheeks were still stained from her tears but even through all the hysteria, she still looked at him like he was her whole world. Briefly you felt the small smile pull on your lips, but deep inside your chest panged with a twinge of jealousy. You could only imagine what it was like, to have someone love you that much. Shaking your head you discarded the thought, what was the use in throwing yourself a pity party? It wasn’t gonna pay the bills.

You walked over glancing towards them both as Hoseok gave you a nod to signal you he had it under control, you had just grabbed the handle when you heard a thrash, turning around in surprise to see Hoseok gently pushing his mother back down despite her insistence, but her eyes were shining on you with a strong determination before she weakly spoke, “I’m...sorry.”

You let your lips squirk into a small smile as she finally laid back down at Hoseok’s insistence, shaking your head as you answered, “It’s okay.” opening the door you gently shut it behind yourself as you sighed.

Looking up to find five nurses standing there waiting with baited breath, you shoved the syringe towards the closest one as you huffed, “She’ll be okay, Hoseok will let you guys know when it’s okay to come in.” but they all store with open mouths at well...yours. Blood dripping off your chin, pattering against the floor but you ignored them as you went to walk down the hall to find the nearest bathroom.

You had been patting down the area on your lower lip for a good ten minutes now, the blood had finally ceased and gave you time to clean down the rest of your chin, no immediate bruising had appeared which was a good thing, now whether they’d be there when you got work at the bakery was...debatable. Sighing you threw away the last piece of bloodied paper towel away as you washed your hands.

Deciding to get the cleaning cart and get back to the vacant rooms, they wouldn’t clean themselves and Hoseok was probably on his way back now, if not already on it. You had got back to the cart before grabbing the clipboard, glancing over the next room number you hadn’t scratched off before making your way over.

Same routine as usual, first take care of the bed, discarding any pillow cases and sheets to take down to the laundry shoot. Next was any split contents or breakables, you had been mopping the floor down when Hoseok had came in, “She good?”

He gave a nod, his expression looked peaceful and he seemed content as he answered, “Yeah, I guess she just had a panic attack about where I was? I don’t know but; she’s okay now. Thanks by the way, you look like shit.”

“As if I don’t always look like shit.” You rolled your eyes but still felt the small smile quirk on your lips, watching him fetch the second mop as he dunked it into the tub you had set out, “Anyway it's not a big deal, I’m just glad she didn’t skewer my head with that syringe, did you see her? She’s fuckin’ flying around the room like jackie chan with that shit.” you both had began laughing as you got to work on the room.

That would be the biggest excitement you’d have for at least a month, you had just finished the room when you felt your phone buzzing in your pocket making your brows furrowed. Nobody ever called, it was either text or in person. Digging out your phone as Hoseok turned towards you confused as well. You swallowed thickly, “Fuck.”

“Who is it?”

“Mom.” You replied before answering, worry filling you. She never called unless it was important, and the last time that had happened was well over five years ago, “Hey mom what’s up?” But you couldn’t even keep the casual tone in your voice, the worry invading it as you stood still in the near empty hallway.

But all you could hear at first was crying on the other end and your mom saying something, but she was speaking so fast and her words were so muddled you couldn’t understand, fuck what had happened? Had your dad found out where you lived? “Woah, woah, woah calm down. What happened? Are you okay?” Hoseok had wheeled around, his eyebrows shot up in concern but you had focused entirely on your mothers distressed voice as she gave a shaky inhale.

“B-baby please come home- these people they just,” She let out another sob, her breath hitching again as she fumbled against her words, “They broke in and the house is destroyed sweetie-”

What? Your mind was reeling from her words before cutting her off, “I’ll be home in ten, have you called the police?”

“N-not yet, Seung’s on his way here right now.” She cried out, her voice high pitched and strained as you sighed, running a hand through your hair. Of course she called him first, that didn’t matter right now though, focus Y/n, focus.

“Alright call them, I’ll be home soon.” You hung up the phone before sighing again, your mind still reeling from her words as you finally addressed Hoseok’s slightly distressed figure, looking highly concerned, “Fuck I don’t know. She just said someone...or a group broke in? I don’t know, I have to go Hoseok…”

You finally glanced up at him but he only nodded, “Want me to come with? It sounds bad Y/n…”

“No it’s fine, one of us needs to stay here and finish shift, I’ll keep you updated okay?” He gave one last nod before you hurried to clock out.

Your entire walk home was spent more like a jog and you were nearly out of breath by the time you had arrived.

You heard a small meow making you stop as your brows pressed together, your eyes scanning the hall of the apartment before landing on the familiar black and brown mottled cat, his fur slightly matted and sticking up on the back of his neck and tail fluffed out as if he had been spooked, “Twix, what are you doing out here baby?” You cried out, the cat quickly came running up as you picked him up, he let out another meow as you tenderly stroked him before going up to your apartment.

The key in hand except your mouth gaped at the sight of the door being forced open, wood scattered across the ground and all it took was a small push for it to open. Your lips fell open in shock at the sight before you, the once small but cozy living room ripped to shreds, everything torn up and thrown all over the place, stuffing from the couch cushions had spread across the floor and what little glassware you had set out was shattered to pieces.

You let Twix jump from your arms as they fell numbly against your sides, what the fuck.

Everything hadn’t just been ruined, it was completely destroyed, all the various knick knacks you had found over the years, the loveseat you and your mom had been so excited to get for her 40th birthday, even the little set of paintings you had bought at the thrift store when you had first moved in were holed and crushed on the ground.

You hadn’t realized how many memories and moments had been ingrained in this shitty little apartment until you stood there, with all of it crushed to rubble in front of you. But your logical side was kicking in as you realized all of this wasn’t for nothing. No, this looked like a raid, like they were searching for something. Nothing had been stolen.

Your mother suddenly appeared, tears streaming down her face as she hurried towards you, throwing her arms around you as she sobbed into your neck, but your mind was numb still reeling from the sight before you. Who would do this? And more importantly, why?

“Look I don’t know okay? I work two jobs and I’m barely home five hours a day, why would I have any ‘enemies’ who’d do this.” You snapped out harshly, it was close to four in the morning and you were too tired to answer anymore questions. The officer took down another note, looking more patient than you.

Your arms were wrapped tightly around yourself and you understood how it looked, you were beaten to a pulp and dead tired but you didn’t get into fights, not ones that would escalate to this. But the officer shifted his weight as he glanced back up at you, “I’m not accusing you of anything Ms L/n, but I need you to think, has there been anything strange you’ve seen lately, do you know anyone that could have caused this to happen?”

His words suddenly triggered your memory, the memory of Jungkook...the gun....the body. You swallowed all of your emotions back down your throat, this couldn’t be connected to that. Right?

“No, I’m positive sir.” He didn’t look sold but gave one late nod before finishing the interview.

You sighed, leaning back against the wall as you heard a meow and a tiny body brush against your leg, glancing down you watched as your cat, Twix looked up at you, meowing again as if sensing your distressed mood. Sighing you leaned down as you let him rub against your hand, a purr erupting from his throat in contentment, your lips twitched into a ghost of a smile briefly.

“You okay?”

And just like that, it disappeared, your frown taking its rightful place on your lips as you glanced up to one of the few people you had assumed you would only have to rarely see. Jimin stood tall, his hands in the pockets of his jacket, expression unreadable making you scoff, a more bitter smile playing on your lips as you replied, “Peachy, why do you care?”

“While it may come as a shock to you Y/n,” Jimin finally gave a weary smile, shifting is weight and his eyes seemed to sparkle in amusement as he continued, “I’m not heartless.”

You stayed quiet for a moment, glancing at him as if searching for any visible signs because you really weren’t sure, was he heartless? He didn’t seem so sweet at Dark Ace’s anniversary party. But at the moment, you couldn’t detect a trace of mockery or condescending that had taken place previously in his demeanor. 

Jimin held down a hand too you in offering as he spoke up, “Your house just got broken into and you look like you went through a garbage disposal, it’d be hard to not feel at least a little sorry for you.”

It was hard to not smile even a tiny bit at the return of his smartass tone, making you roll your eyes exasperatedly as you grabbed his hand, letting him help you up as you muttered, “Asshole.”

Jimin wrapped a loose arm around your shoulder as he guided you back towards the living room, “Yeah well come on loser, you’re staying over the night with your mom.” It felt a bit odd, having his arm around you, and his words so casual. But they felt okay, and that was what you needed at the moment, you needed okay.

Any other day you would have objected but you were tired and your work schedule had already resumed it’s draining hold on you. Jimin had lead you back out to the living room where Seung had been soothing your mother, it was mutually agreed you’d spend the night at their estate until you could work things out in the morning.

That’s how you found yourself laying against the queen sized plush bed, but you were anything but sleepy now, your mind racing trying to sort through everything that had happened. And eventually by six you had texted your friends

Sighing you realized you’d need to get a shower and breakfast before going to the bakery, hopefully whatever your mother had planned would be discussed within the next few hours before you departed. The hot water seemed to be the only remedy for your dull mind as it pounded against your back, forcing your muscles into relaxation. Eventually you did step out of the shower and reality had hit you again much to your displeasure. You had mindlessly got changed before exiting the room. The estate was, well an estate. It was massive.

Why was there so many vacant rooms? What purpose did they serve? Was having this big of a house necessary? Briefly you glanced around as you stepped down the stairs, this would be your mother's new home. And as much as you despised the upcoming wedding, you were secretly relieved. She’d be well taken care of at least. You wouldn’t have to spend day and night worrying about her from now on.

You’d be able to just get through day in and day out without any worries. It would nice actually. The more you thought about it the more you came to terms with, while this change in life wasn’t very pleasant. You could make the most of it.

Now sitting down at the large table being told you were staying with Seung until the police got to the bottom of who raided your apartment? That instantly crushed what little positivity you had gained. Your mom was spouting it out as if she didn’t quite understand what volatile reaction bubbled beneath your quiet exterior, had it not been for both Seung and Jimin being present you would’ve instantly lost your shit.

Jimin had leaned back in his chair, a loose white sweatshirt on and a case of bedhead to match, he looked tired but it didn’t stop his curiosity as he watched between both you and your mom. He knew how you felt about the whole situation so you couldn’t necessarily get mad at him for being interested in your reaction.

But you weren’t going to give in right now, no matter how much you wanted too. No matter how badly you just wanted to scream fuck at the top of your lungs and slam your head into a wall. You didn’t want to be an adult and deal with it, but you needed too. And given Seung was going to be your stepfather- the idea made you shudder, and it felt wrong but that's besides the point-

It was far too early for you to feel comfortable enough to deny the idea- both physically and in aspect of their relationship. It wasn’t like you’d be home all that much anyways, but the few hours you were...well you wanted to be in your own home.

“Y’know…” You drew out, forcing your mother to pause. You had swore every time you weren’t going to do this, and yet here you were speaking anyways. You could only hope Seung and Jimin would be leverage to keep her from lashing out at you, “It’s really not that big of a deal. I mean...I can understand you wanting to stay here but...Well I’m not home much to begin with- And don’t get me wrong,” you rushed quickly glancing to Seung, “It’s not that I don’t want to stay-” don’t fucking lie Y/n “I just feel like I’m intruding a bit...I just think it would be better if I went ahead and just cleaned up the apartment and resettled. Consider me dumb but- I don’t think it’s gonna happen again.”

Those words were ones you firmly believed, whatever they had been looking for, they didn’t find. Therefore your apartment was useless, which also meant they’d leave it alone. You just couldn’t believe it was really a one man operation- or a stray burglar- no valuables in your house had been taken. If there was one thing you prided yourself on- it was your intelligence- albeit you didn’t use it very often...but when you did, it didn’t take much to figure things out.

But just one glance at your mother and you knew you fucked up, her shoulders were tense and she had that rigid expression she always had when she didn’t agree with you. Her jaw was clenched a classic sign of her trying not to snap at you due to being in the presence of others.

Jimin had leaned back in his seat, the glass of water pressed against his lips as if trying to hide his dumb smile at the scene unfolding. You almost felt like you fell into an invisible trap set by him but- dammit this wasn’t about him! Focus Y/n!

But before your mother could speak Seung had beat her to it, his expression the exact opposite of hers, expression soft and warm making you feel all different kinds of level of discomfort, “You aren’t a burden Y/n, we aren’t trying to strip you of your freedom we just want you to be safe,” He explained delicately and while you understood- they couldn’t seem to with the fact that you could take care of yourself. 

You were beginning to feel the familiar bubble of frustration inside you, how many times did you have to say that before someone would believe you? “While I do think you’re correct in your assessment. I also don’t want to take that risk, I hope you can understand.”

It felt like you didn’t even have a choice.

Sinking into your seat you sighed, giving a reserved nod. But your head was already turning, you had a bad habit of ignoring people’s decision when it affected you. At the end of the day, you were the one looking out for yourself. And if there was one thing you couldn’t stand, it was someone making a decision- assuming they knew what was best for you- without even consulting you about it. You got it, it was done out of some sort of notion for care but all it did was irk you.

Maybe you were being unreasonable, all you had complained about was not getting put first, and now that you were, maybe you were being an unreasonable bitch about it. But the fact of the matter was you weren’t being put first, no this was about your mother. What she wanted. And right now she wanted you in this god awful estate because she wouldn’t cut the fucking apron strings- No she refused too.

You hadn’t realized how rapidly your heartbeat was, or how tightly you had clenched your hands into fists in a bout of simmering anger, you abruptly stood up from your chair making everyone’s gaze jump to you suddenly, “I should get going for work. I won’t be back until late morning so I’ll see everyone later.”

You didn’t wait for any goodbyes as you left. You hadn’t gotten so worked up in awhile and when you got like this your mouth would open and pour out words like a faucet. There was no stopping your brutality when that happened. And honestly? You didn’t need to add that on to the list of things that had happened in your life after everything within the past week.

You had barely made it out the door when you heard it open again, “I swear to fuck-” you muttered under your breath turning around in anticipation of your mom ready to chew your ass out. Instead you found Jimin walking down the steps with a yawn, keys in one hand with the other in the pocket of his hoodie.

Squinting your eyes into a suspicious glance only made him laugh, the lazy smile on his lips as he curved a brow, “What the fuck is your problem? I’m driving you to work, come on.” He breezed past you like the asshole he was, walking towards the garage as he called over your shoulder, “I’ll leave without you.”

“And go where?” You snorted indignantly, following behind despite not being in the mood to chat, you weren’t sure what his deal was anymore. First he said, and in quotes ‘a dime a dozen’ in realms of fucking, and now he wanted to act like prince charming? You fucking hated guys, they were so dumb it made you livid!

“I don’t know, maybe I’ll go without you and get something to eat.” Jimin shrugged, even having the audacity to throw you a cheeky smile as your glare heightened but you got in the car anyways. The silver corvette was sleek and comfy and still had that new car smell. It hadn’t even been a full two minutes before he finally asked the golden question, “You just couldn’t help yourself, could you?”

“Do I look like I want to fucking live with you both!? No offense but I’d rather get railroaded by a goddamn golf cart before that happens.” You sputtered out instantly, throwing your hands all over the place as you ranted.

Jimin had only curved an amused eyebrow before prodding you further, “Why use the term railroad when you mean run over?”

“Does that fucking matter!? Our parents are getting married! My house just got fucking raided by some elite spec ops bullshit and don’t even get me started about the anniversary party fucking hell!” You snapped back animatedly, “If I want to use the wrong term I will!”

“Alright, alright, calm down doll I was just joking,” Jimin surrendered though he didn’t look very sorry as he parked in the lot of the bakery, “Try and cool off, when do you get off work?”

You squinted at him again, refraining from going batshit insane at his words ‘calm down’ you were being perfectly calm. Gnawing against your lip in contemplation before finally huffing, “Seven why? I have to get to my other job by 9.”

Jimin clacked his tongue, “Because I’m picking you up, don’t be so sour. I’ll even get you something to eat.”

But your face only soured more, saying nothing in return as you exited the car, ready to throw yourself onto Taehyung and bitch his ear off the entire morning on why you wanted nothing more than for the earth to swallow you whole.

Note: Happy friday everyone! I’m sorry it took me 10 chapters to finally introduce her cat.

Taglist: @sapphireprinces5 @jazzytfw @theslumberingcat @mrsfandomz @cainami @nininek12 @loveherpersona @expensive-bangtan-girl @yoongnysus @sugajinny @peachy-bhun 

(Let me know if you’d like to be added! )

[iwillgiveyoumyhappiness]

채형원, Chae Hyungwon

anonymous asked:

after today's outburst, I need something extremely sweet. I need Hyungwon and sweetness in the same scenario. I had thought of roommates!au where the reader doesn't even know Won because either he sleeps or he's at work, so one evening they find themselves eating together Chinese on the couch by pure chance and they discover that they have many things in common cc The rest is up to you My mars, you always did miracle with that brain of yours. love you - Saturn

Group: Monsta X

Member: Hyungwon

.

.

.

You’d been living there for about half a year, that apartment complex in the eye of the city. You hadn’t been living there alone, but it certainly felt like it sometimes. 

Everyday, you woke up to the same birds chirping and the same cars shuffling out of the parking lot for work. You woke up to the same cold, empty feeling in the two bedroom, one bathroom apartment; like you shared it with a ghost.

You didn’t dislike living there—it was just odd. When you woke up, he was gone. When you came home, he was asleep. He always left for work early. Too early, in your opinion. You weren’t even completely sure what he did for a living. 

You’d gotten kicked out of your previous apartment for not paying rent on time, so when you read in the newspaper about some guy nearby and close to your age that needed a roommate, you impulsively jumped at the opportunity. 

You knew nothing about Chae Hyungwon. You didn’t even know what he usually ate for breakfast. You lived in the same space, but you were miles upon miles apart.

If there was something important to mention to each other, you’d just write it on the chalkboard in the kitchen. Right now, it read: “Need eggs”, written neatly in bright blue chalk. 

You’d become more familiar with his handwriting than his face or voice. 

You could barely picture him when you closed your eyes. Barely hear his voice. There was something so distant about living a room across from someone, yet knowing nothing about one another.  

It was an unwritten rule that you were in charge of groceries, so you made a mental note to go out after work. You sighed, boiling some water for tea. There was something very comforting about tea in the morning. 

Perhaps it was the warmth that it gave you. The warmth which you were normally lacking. Your mind drifted to your flatmate. 

A part of you was deathly afraid that he was a drug dealer or something. At the very least, tangled up with the wrong crowd. But the other half of you knew that he couldn’t be. 

You’d only met him personally a few times. Once to see if you wanted to room together, a second time to finalize your contract. And after that,  just a few chance meetings here and there when you both got up for midnight snacks, or you happened to see him in the morning before he left. 

Every once in a while, if he was magically still awake when you got home, he’d sometimes call from his room, “Welcome back!” 

With all that in mind, you remembered how soft his hand had been the day you’d shaken on the splitting the rent 50/50. That had stuck with you, and you thought that meant something.  

You looked down at your hand, tingling in reminiscence. If you remembered the warmth of his hand, there had to be warmth in his heart. If only he would reach out...

You sighed to yourself. It wasn’t like you were giving it much effort either. You poured your tea, leaving it out to cool while you got dressed for the day.

+++

You reached for your keys, struggling to fish them out from your jacket pocket. You had six plastic bags from the grocery store hooked on your arms, so suffice to say, you were having issues. 

Finally, you were victorious in your battle against the annoying, jangling lumps of metal. When you unlocked the door, you tried to set everything down as quietly as possible. Hyungwon was usually asleep by now. 

You put everything away that needed to be refrigerated, but you left everything else for tomorrow. Right now, your brain was exhausted and all you wanted to do was sit down with that good book you’d been reading. 

You scanned the kitchen counters. “Not here,” you mumbled to yourself. Then it clicked. The living room. You walked into the next room, flicking on the lights. Immediately, you screamed, assuming a semi-threatening pose you recalled seeing in a Bruce Lee movie once. 

Sitting on the couch—surrounded by Chinese takeout and currently shoving a dumpling into his mouth—sat Chae Hungwon. He was holding your book open, reading it thoroughly. He didn’t even look at you until he’d finished the page. 

“Hi,” he said simply, giving a small nod of acknowledgement. 

You gaped at him, slipping out of the ninja-esque pose. “You’re here,” you said. 

He nodded slowly. “I should hope so. It’s my house, after all. Well, half my house,” he corrected. “Half yours, too.” 

“You’re awake,” you said, even more disbelieving than before. 

He chuckled, smiling a little awkwardly. “Yeah, I guess I am.” 

Your eyes raked over him. He wasn’t a ghost anymore. He was there, palpable and so, so close. Suddenly, all the memories you’ve had of him previously—no matter how short, even if it was just a glance from the back—they all came rushing back to you, creating the image of the man that stood before you. 

You could feel your jaw threatening to drop again. 

He was actually kind of attractive.  

He was long and lanky, but not in a weak, paper-thin way, more like a lean and well-toned way. His hair looked soft and well-styled and his face was nothing to scoff at. Luscious, dewy lips, big and expressive eyes, annoyingly perfect proportions—why did you not remember him looking like this?

It occurred to you that it was your first proper meeting with each other since signing your lease. 

You suddenly felt horribly under-dressed in your own house. There was something about the vibe he gave off that made you feel small in his presence. You shifted uncomfortably, looking down at your faded jeans and five-year-old sneakers. 

You adjusted yourself, trying not to show weakness. This was your house, too. You couldn’t just be pushed over like that. You cleared your throat. “What are you doing awake so late?” you asked. 

He shrugged. “Felt sick,” he said. 

Your tensed shoulders loosened. “Really?” you asked in a quiet voice. “Well, are you feeling any better now?” 

He nodded. “Yeah. I think I was just hungry.” He shoved down another two dumplings. “I didn’t even really wanna go to work this morning, to be honest.” 

You chuckled a little, feeling yourself relax. Maybe he wasn’t as high-class and uppity as he looked. “Well, you wake up at an ungodly hour,” you said. “I wouldn’t wanna leave either.” 

“Exactly.” he said. He pouted a little. “It’s really not fair.” 

You nodded. “I bet.” Your attention was drawn back to the book in his hand. “Is that mine?” you asked, simple curiosity getting the better of you. 

“It has a unicorn bookmark in it, so I’m guessing it is,” he said.

You flushed a little. You had forgotten that was in there. “That’s a misunderstanding,” you said quickly. “It’s actually my niece’s, but she left it in my purse, so I didn’t see a point in wasting it, so I—”

He held up a hand. “You don’t need to make excuses,” he said. “I share an apartment with you, so I trust you.” 

You raised a brow. “You trust me?” you echoed. “We’ve barely said two words to each other.” 

He grabbed some Beef Lo Mein from off the coffee table. “True,” he said, “but you also haven’t murdered me in my sleep yet, so that gives you some brownie points.” 

You couldn’t help but laugh. “I guess that is pretty impressive,” you said. “Though, since we haven’t talked much, maybe I just haven’t found a reason to murder you yet.” 

He looked up at with with shocked eyes, completely meme-worthy. You crossed your arms proudly. You could quip right back, and you prided yourself on it. 

He broke into a cute, breathy fit of laughter. “Okay, you’ve won some fried rice,” he said, holding out a takeout box for you. 

You reached out for it. “Thanks,” you said. 

He pulled it out of your reach. “Do you never sit on the couch?” he asked. 

“I... do?” you said, not entirely sure what he was getting at. 

He gestured to the sofa. “Sit down, then,” he said. “It’s your furniture too, you know. It’s not mine just because I’m sitting here.” 

You snatched the rice from him. “Fair enough,” you said. He was staring at you again. You shrugged a little. “You were holding it for too long.” You sat down next to him, slowly and quietly munching on some of the takeout. “This is so awkward,” you laughed after a minute. You scooted down the couch, further from him. 

He chuckled. “Why?” he asked. “We live together.” 

“Yeah,” you said, “but we don’t know each other.” 

He nodded understandingly. “Okay, I get your point.” He set down his bowl of noodles. “Then, let’s get to know each other.” He faced you, leaning his arm against the back of the couch to prop his head up. “What do you do for a living?” 

You didn’t expect the question, but it didn’t deter you either. “I’m a university professor,” you said. 

An impressed expression washed over his face. “Really?” he said, intrigued. “For what?” 

“Astronomy,” you said. He noticed the way your eyes lit up. “I give lectures about the patterns of the stars and the planets and...” you trailed off, a small smile sticking to your lips. “Sorry,” you said. “I’m probably boring you.” 

He shook his head. “Not at all,” he assured you. “I was into it. Please, teach me, professor.” 

You chuckled at the corniness. “Maybe next time,” you said. “I wanna know about you, too.” You leaned against the back of the couch too, mirroring his position. “What do you do, Mr. Chae?” 

He chuckled at the name. “DJ,” he said simply, sucking in a mouthful of noodles. 

You blinked. “Huh,” you said. “Didn’t expect that one. Just by the way you look, I thought you’d be a—” 

He swallowed. “I do modeling, too.” 

You almost choked on the water you’d started drinking. “Dude!” you coughed. “What the heck!” 

He looked at you, tilting his head. “What do you mean?” he asked. 

“Why are you living in this dump?” you asked, completely shocked. “Modeling gigs pay freakin’ well, so I’m sure you can afford better than this.” 

He shrugged. “Maybe I like this dump,” he said. 

“And maybe you don’t,” you answered back.  

He huffed. “I’m staying, okay?” he said firmly. 

You felt yourself shiver a little. He was definitely someone you wouldn’t want to get on the bad-side of. “But why?” you couldn’t help yourself from asking. 

“You live on a teacher’s salary, right?” he asked. 

You nodded. “Yeah. What about it?” 

“That’s why,” he said, taking a sip of Cola. 

You furrowed your brows in confusion before it clicked. He didn’t move out, even if he could afford a better place, because he didn’t want you to get kicked out of another apartment. 

It touched you, in some strange way. 

You’d been living with a perfect stranger, but that perfect stranger was looking out for you, without you even realizing it. It was humbling. 

“Thanks for getting groceries, by the way,” Hyungwon said. “I’m never able to thank you ‘cause I’m always either at work or exhausted, but I really am grateful.” He gestured to the rusty old balcony to his left. “And the flowers you put out there are pretty.” 

You smiled a little. “Thanks,” you said. It felt nice to be appreciated. “I like the painting you put up in the hallway the other day.” 

“Oh, you noticed it?” 

You nodded. “Of course I did,” you said. “It really livens the place up.” 

“I agree!” he said, a smiling spreading across his thick lips. “I thought it looked really boring all plain like that.” 

You hummed in agreement. “Exactly! I’m glad you put it up when you did. I was about to go out and buy paint.” 

You and Hyungwon ended up talking together until you fell asleep on the couch, still surrounded by takeout. Neither of you woke up in time for work in the morning, but that didn’t really bother you two very much. 

You’d found a friend in each other, you thought. You were a lot more similar than you’d expected from two perfect strangers. 

You decided... You’d really enjoying living in this dingy apartment from now on.

.

.

.

I love him, and I love you. Take comfort in non-misogynistic Hyungwon. He cares. <3

[youremyplayground]

The Journal Chapter 6

I sighed as I sat down at my desk. Grabbing a pen, I opened my journal to add Hwanwoong’s name to the list.

 Yeo Hwanwoong:    Success

 I smiled tiredly at the word. I never knew how it could lift my spirits so much. Then I reread the entire page again and something caught my eye. One of the first sentences.

 Hey, it’s me. You. Whatever. So we can see death. Or well…dream it

So then what were the visions I had earlier then? Was that a new thing? Furrowing my brows, I stared at the words. Could I have just forgotten to add that part? Shaking my head, I turned to an empty page and began to scribble down words.

 A couple of things happened today that I need you to know. I saved a guy today, but that’s not what’s important. What’s important is that I had a vision. Two actually. Now, I don’t remember if this is a normal thing so I’m writing this down to ask you to keep track of it. Also, I think I remembered something about Mom and Jinho? It seemed like the morning of when we went to Busan?

 Jinho and I talked about my room being dirty then I asked him if he wanted anything. I’m still so confused by all of this. Just..do me a favor and start writing down any of the memories. Even if they end up being like dreams or something. Maybe we can start to piece this all together. Find out what happened to Mom.

 With that, I sighed and got into bed. Hopefully, I get my memory back soon. Something just isn’t sitting right that the boys don’t know what happened to her. It’s possible that Jinho just didn’t tell them, but you’d think Jinho would at least bury her somewhere close.

 ---

 “Alright, then I want some of that raspberry wine that’s really popular there. The cave one?” Jinho said, smiling before he stuffed his face with breakfast.

 “Wow, okay.” I laughed.

 We finished eating then Mom and I got our things. Jinho came over to watch our kitten while we were gone. I mean the drive to Busan alone is about 5 hours. Not a very good idea to leave a kitten unattended.

 “He better not poop on me again.” Jinho glowered at the tabby playing with his mouse toy.

 “He hasn’t done that in months! He was a newborn what do you expect?”

 “No, he planned it! He did it like 5 times. Only when I was holding him!”

 “Then he just hates you.” Mom laughed, “Come on Jinkyung.”

 I hugged Jinho before walking out of the house. As soon as we got into the car, my stomach started to turn. It was probably just excitement. Halfway to Busan, we pull over to get gas. I stay in the car while she goes and gets snacks and pay for the gas. My stomach turns again. When I look up I see a man in all black leaning against the gas station building, his foot resting up against the wall. He was super handsome. Could be an idol honestly.

 “Okay, so they didn’t have any good food this time. We’ll just get something in Busan. Deal?” My mom asked, getting back into the car.

 “Deal.” I laughed, looking at her. Glancing back at the handsome man as we pulled out of the gas station, I noticed he was staring at Mom. “Oooh, Mom. A really handsome guy was just staring at you.”

 “Hey, your Mom still has it. Where do you think you and your brother got it from?”

 “See, now I agree with you about me, not so much Jinho.”

 “You’re right he takes more after your father.”

 “Are you sure about that? Dad was really handsome. Jinho looks like you found him under a rock.”

 “You’re horrible.” She laughs, turning on the radio.

 We spend the next couple of hours listening to music and laughing about random things. Pretty soon, we’re about half an hour from Busan and my stomach lurches. Something feels wrong. Looking around, I noticed black storm clouds gathering in the sky. It was just sunny without a cloud in sight. What’s happening?

 “You feeling okay?” Mom asks me as I frown and put a hand to my stomach.

 “Yeah. I think I’m just getting motion sick.”

 “Aww, do you need me to pull over?”

 “No, I’ll just go to the bathroom when we get to wherever we eat.”

 “Alright.” She said, putting her hand on my arm and patting.

 5 minutes pass and I suddenly feel like puking. I put my hand to my mouth and motion for her to pull over. She nods then looks around for where to pull over. As the car stops at a pull out I jump out and walk a little away before bending over and emptying my stomach. Just as I finish a sudden crack fills the air. I turn around to see…

 ---

  Lurching awake, I look around confused. Taking a couple of deep breaths, I realize I’m in my apartment. And there’s someone knocking on my door. I calm myself some more, wiping the sweat from my forehead before getting up and seeing who it was. Before I’m even to the door I know who it is. I open the door and let them in before sitting on my bed.

 “You guys have no idea the weird ass dream I just had.”

 “Wait..you remember us?”

 “Yeah, why wouldn’t I-….oh my god…” I whisper.

 “What else can you remember?” Seungmin exclaimed, sitting next to me.

 “I remember saving a guy yesterday.”

 “Holy shi-!”

 “This is amazing!” Chan yelled, clamping a hand to Felix’s mouth.

 “Do you remember anything else? Jinho? Your mom?” Seungmin asked, putting his hand on my arm.

 “No. I mean…I had a dream of us going to Busan and then I got really nauseous when we were almost there and there was this really loud crack. I don’t know how to explain it.”

 “Could that have been a memory?”

 “I don’t know? Maybe?”

 “Anything else?”

 “No, that’s all it was. I ate breakfast with her and Jinho then we left. We stopped at a gas station halfway to Busan then got almost there and I had her pull over so I could puke and then the sound happened. I mean the clouds turned black? A storm could have rolled in.”

 “Is there a way we can look it up?” Felix asked, pulling out his phone.

 “Why does it matter? It was a storm.” I laughed. He shrugged and put his phone away. “Anyway, what did you come over for?”

 “Oh, we were talking about your doctor after we got home and found it weird how that desk dude acted. Like you’re his patient, should he always be willing to see you?” Chan said, motioning for me and Seungmin to move over so he and Felix could sit on the bed.

 “Yeah, I thought it was weird too. I don’t know, maybe I was really rude to him or something?”

 “I guess that’s possible? But now that your memory is sort of back, shouldn’t you go see him?”

 “Yeah, I probably should,” I said scratching my head.

 I walked over to the fridge and got the number from it. Dialing his number, I put the phone to my ear to hear “We’re sorry; you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service.” Frowning, I look at the number I dialed and compared it to the number on the paper. I put it in right.

 “The number is disconnected,” I told the boys.

 “What’s his name again?”

 “Uh, it should be on the pill bottle by you guys. Wait a second. The pill bottle. I forgot to take my pills yesterday.”

 “Really? Is that a bad thing?” Felix asked, grabbing the pill bottle and his phone, looking the doctor up.

 “According to this, I’m not supposed to miss it. I feel fine though?”

 “Huh..maybe you don’t need to use them anymore?”

 “Maybe?”

 “Uh…guys? This doctor doesn’t exist. There’s no one with his name and there’s no doctor’s office at this address. It’s an old office building that’s for lease.”

 “What?!” I exclaimed, “Then who the hell was that yesterday? What the hell are those pills then?!”

 I quickly walked over to him to look at his phone. He was putting in the pill name and nothing popped up. We looked at each other and my stomach just turned over in my stomach. If they were a placebo then…what the hell was happening.

 “Um…Jinkyung? Come look at this.” Seungmin said, looking at his own phone.

 I took it in shaking hands and looked to see an article.

 THE PERFUME KILLER STRIKES AGAIN, THIS TIME LEAVING A VICTIM’S CHILD ALIVE

 He’s been terrorizing many women in the Busan area for years. All that we know about him is that his M.O. is to shoot his victims in the head then spray their bodies with perfume and light them on fire, leaving the perfume bottle lying next to him. They’ve yet to figure out how he chooses his victims or even who he is. The police currently have no leads, but the latest attack may help.

 Reports to a burning car just outside of Busan led to another victim’s body, however at the scene was the victim’s daughter. Her daughter, hereafter referred to as A was visibly shaken up. No signs of injury, however, was unconscious. When she awoke, she was suffering from amnesia. There is a chance she saw the killer’s face and a chance she may remember. The police, however, are doing everything they can to track down the killer. Unfortunately, there was no CCTV’s in the area.

 “What..?” I whispered.

 “Could that be.. your mom?”

 “No. I mean…it’s not possible. My mom couldn’t have been murdered. If she was then why wouldn’t they have killed me?”

 “Maybe.. they didn’t want you?”

 “Don’t be ridiculous Seungmin! She wasn’t murdered!” Felix exclaimed.

 “How do you know Felix? I’m just saying it’s possible!”

 “Jinkyung? Are you okay?” Chan asked as I stood in shocked silence.

 “I…” I trailed off before setting my jaw. “I need to find out for sure. I need to find out if my mom was murdered and if I was a witness then it’s my duty to remember what the killer looked like. I need to get justice for my mom.”

 “Okay, that’s courageous and all..but how?” Felix asked, looking uncertain.

[nilesarchives]

Awkward AF ― NOT CANON. (second verse: niles lite)

In which Nick and Miles made out while watching Titanic. Scout barked and scared Miles enough that he bit him. Gay panic ensued and they didn’t speak for an entire month, until Miles went back to retrieve Mario Kart.

An entire month had passed before Miles realized the terrible truth: he’d left Mario Kart at the Vaughns’ apartment when he spent the night with Murphy. He only came to the realization when he was ready to sit down and kick some ass by beating his own record times. He let out a groan and immediately texted Murphy that he was going to stop by and get it. On the way there, Miles prayed to God that Nick wasn’t home, and he knew there was a good chance of that. He was usually pretty good about knowing Nick’s schedule, since there were always specific times that he came back from work to thirty hilarious texts from Miles, which he never fully appreciated. Miles’s plan was simply to come in, grab his game, and leave to avoid an awkward situation. The door was unlocked, thankfully. He went straight toward the TV, crouching down and searching for the Mario Kart case. He swore it couldn’t have been more well-hidden; he couldn’t wait to get the hell out of there. Sure, he missed Murphy, and admittedly Nick, but tonight was not the night that he was ready to see him.

Although he could tell by the way some of the students stood around huffing angrily with each other that class being cancelled was probably not a good thing, Nick couldn’t help but silently be, to put it simply, relieved as fuck. Because sure, he loved his classes and it sucked to pay for something you’re not getting, but he’d be lying if he said it wasn’t nice to get a day off every now and again. Fully intending to pass out for a little while before he actually had to do things, Nick walked through the door that always seemed to be unlocked and began to kick off his shoes, only looking up once he was done. And then he immediately froze. He only saw his back at first, and he almost thought it was Murphy, but that was just wishful thinking on his part. For a moment, he paused, the silence way more awkward than it needed to be. “Heeey.” He let it draw out as he shook himself out of his momentary paralyzation and began to walk a few feet forward and into the room so he wasn’t just standing like an idiot for no reason in the middle of his apartment. “Murphy here?” He wasn’t sure why else he’d be here, since he knew he sure as hell wasn’t there to see him. And that was a nice way of asking something without sounding rude.

Miles didn’t think twice about the door opening. He assumed it was Murphy. “Dude, you didn’t have to freaking hide the game if you wanted it. Why the hell can’t I find it?” But when he didn’t immediately hear Murphy respond with a smartass comment or start cracking jokes, Miles realized he just really wanted it to be Murphy. There was silence behind him, and then Nick’s voice cut through it, making Miles’s heart stop for a second. Well, fuck. This was happening now. He slowly stood up, turning to face him. “Hey,” he replied, giving him a friendly nod. They hadn’t talked in weeks, and Miles didn’t know where to begin. “Uh, I don’t know, actually. I left something here a while ago so I–I asked him to leave the door open for me so I could come get it.” He bit down on the inside of his cheek. It had never been this hard to make conversation with Nick. “Why are you here?” he blurted without really thinking about how that sounded. He shook his head. “I mean—you’re usually not home around this time.”

It was weirder than he thought it would be to see him again. Not that it was something he really dwelled on, since he tried to put the whole thing out of his mind since he left Miles’s apartment the last time. Still, though, it didn’t take a genius to piece together that they’d both been avoiding each other since. And sure, they had to run into each other again sometime, but Nick hadn’t expected for that to be today. He should have stayed and pretended to care that class was canceled so he could have talked shit with the other students. But it was too late for that now. “Oh — yeah. Right.” He nodded; made sense.  “Did you find it? The thing you’re looking for.” He questioned as casually as he could muster. He was far from a stranger to awkward conversation. But having one with Miles wasn’t really something he was used to or prepared for. As he blurted out his question, Nick drew a blank, taken off guard by it for a moment before he gathered the words to answer. “I didn’t sleep much last night and thought I’d try to before work.” He tried to summon a friendly enough smile. “But class was canceled, if that’s what you meant.” He shrugged lightly from where he stood. “I think my teacher is hungover.“ Judging from the pictures she posted from her partying the night prior. Shoving his hands in his jacket pockets in order to toy with his keys in order to have something to do, he couldn’t help but ask the dreaded question, albeit hesitantly. “Does me being here bother you?”

Miles shook his head, glancing over his shoulder to where he’d previously been searching. “Nah, not yet. I’m convinced Murphy’s trying to hide it so he can keep it from me,” he joked, giving him a small smile. It wasn’t like Nick was some stranger he couldn’t or didn’t know how to talk to. It was silly to act that way. One awkward situation wasn’t enough to ruin years of friendship. Miles nodded at his response, trying to maintain eye contact so he didn’t seem like he was avoiding him. But Nick’s question had Miles looking down at his feet again, his face getting warm. “It’s your apartment,” he replied lamely. It didn’t necessarily bother him to see Nick, because he really had missed him and wished things could be normal again. But now, at the realization that things probably couldn’t go back to normal, he wondered if it was even worth it to keep avoiding the inevitable conversation at this point. “You know it’s not like that. You know what this is.” He looked up. “Are we just going to pretend it never happened? Or are we going to talk about it?” He didn’t exactly know what there was he could say about it, but it had confused the hell out of him, and he had a feeling Nick was in the same boat.

“I wouldn’t put it passed him. I’d check under his bed if I were you. He’s sneaky but I think there’s only so many hiding spots around here he can have.” A hint of a smile crossed his face, grateful for the joke even if in the long run Nick had to go and ruin it. Maybe he shouldn’t have asked it, but he couldn’t seem to help himself. As much and as often as he told himself it was nothing and that it’d blow over of they gave each other enough space, the second he saw him he couldn’t help but lose some of that confidence. They hadn’t talked since that night, and unfortunately he couldn’t read minds. That’d make talking with the general public a whole lot easier if he could. “That is what it says on the lease, yeah.” He conceded, slowly nodding in his direction. “But you’re in it right now, so. I don’t know.” He lifted his shoulder up in a half shrug. “Thought I should ask.” Because yeah, it kind of sucked having to avoid each other, but if him being there made him feel weird or something he’d rather him tell him so he could make up some reason to leave the apartment again. For a moment, Nick didn’t know what to say, standing there as his nerves began to get the best of him. Still, he’d try to be casual about it the best he could so that maybe they could talk normally again. “There’s really nothing to talk about, man.” He finally spoke, not quite believing his own words even as he said them. “It was a weird night, okay? We were both… drunk and probably tired or something.” He cut himself off before he started to ramble off too much on bullshit excuses. “It was an accident.” Nick’s words were a little more confident than his last. He hoped that’d convince the both of them. “And I just don’t want us to be… weird and shit about it now.” Because honestly, he kind of just wanted his friend back. Avoiding each other clearly hadn’t helped much. And Nick missed the nonstop spam of vines and videos his phone would be attacked with throughout the day a little more than he cared to admit.

Miles didn’t respond at first. He didn’t know what he was waiting for, but he knew this was going to get awkward the second he brought it up, so he figured they should just get it over with now. They couldn’t avoid it forever and pretend that was the best option. “Is leaving actually going to fix anything at this point?” he asked, though he didn’t really want an answer. He wasn’t even sure what there was to fix. None of this seemed to be straightforward enough for him to understand. It was really screwing things up between them, which made Miles nervous; as much as he wanted everything to be normal again, it also kept making him wonder if it had been some sort of wake up call for both of them. At least for Miles, it definitely wasn’t the first time he’d ever thought about kissing Nick, and beer had had nothing to do with that. Nick’s words made Miles shift uncomfortably, crossing his arms over his chest and looking away. He agreed it was a weird night, but… “Drunk?” Miles repeated, raising his eyebrows as he looked back up again. “You get drunk off of one beer? ‘Cause I certainly wasn’t drunk.” He knew Nick was just trying to make excuses for the both of them, but the reality of the situation was that he’d wanted to kiss him just as much — and they were both equally sober. That was why Miles couldn’t forget it so easily. “We don’t have to be weird about it, man. It’s weird to not talk to each other. We’re best friends. It doesn’t make sense.” He dropped his arms, taking a few steps toward Nick as he let out a deep breath. The space between them was creating more tension than Miles had realized, and he figured he’d try to ease some of it. “If it was that much of an accident, it wouldn’t have taken something scaring the shit out of us to stop it.” It was weird to say it out loud, but it was the truth. He knew it. Nick knew it. “It’s one thing to move on from it and go back to normal, but you can’t look me in the eye and tell me it was nothing but an accident and just pretend it never happened.” Miles was holding eye contact now, refusing to back down because he knew he was right. He was all for being Nick’s friend again and waiting for his weird feelings to blow over. But he couldn’t do that if Nick refused to admit the truth.

All he could do was shrug wordlessly at that, because he knew it was a stupid suggestion to begin with, but he wasn’t exactly prepared to have this conversation. Honestly, Nick had convinced himself that if they both waited it out long enough, there wouldn’t have to be a conversation at all. Wishful thinking at it’s best. “Then how else do you want to explain it, Miles?” The frustration was clear as he spoke sharply. Nick was far from mad, but he couldn’t quite stop the panic from rising in him as Miles called him out on his excuses. He hadn’t expected him to want to talk about it like this. And the honesty freaked him out just a little bit. “No, we don’t.” He agreed with that, because he didn’t want to be weird about this. “And I’m sorry that we’ve been ignoring each other. That’s fucked up.” He could at least admit that out loud. And as Miles walked towards him, he didn’t move away. There was no reason for him to. It was just his friend. His best friend. They shouldn’t have to stand on opposite sides of the room at all times now. “But I don’t know what you’re expecting me to say. That’s not something that happens everyday, man. It’s not like it was planned.” He finally made eye contact, knowing deep down that Miles was right. Because it had felt like anything but an accident and he knew it. “It’s not like we’re going to do it again.” He found that harder to say than any of the other shit that was coming out of his mouth right now. “And we’ve never done it before. It is what it is.” He sighed, expression softening some as he tried to ignore of some of the nerves that had gathered in the pit of his stomach. “Can we just let it go? Please?”

Miles sighed. “I don’t know,” he muttered, crossing his arms again. He wasn’t trying to be standoffish, but he felt like he had to make himself feel less exposed somehow. Which wasn’t easy, considering it was getting really hard for him not to just blurt out everything he was thinking right now. “But I don’t want to lie and say we were drunk just to make it seem like it wasn’t real. It was real. You kissed me back.” Miles hadn’t actually said it out loud yet, as they’d been dancing around it this whole time. But if they were going to forget about it, Miles needed to talk about it for some sort of closure. “Yeah, it is fucked up.” He nodded, not knowing where he wanted to go with it. He listened until Nick was done speaking, but he had to bite his lip to keep from interrupting. “It wasn’t planned but it still happened. You can’t just say it didn’t and think it will be any less confusing.” But the reality of it all didn’t really hit him until Nick reminded him it wasn’t going to happen again. Right. There was that. He was suddenly brought back to reality from whatever planet he’d been on this whole time, thinking about this conversation leading anywhere but here. His arms fell again, hanging by his sides before he slid his hands into his pockets. “Right.” He nodded, feeling all the fight leave his body at once. It hadn’t meant anything. And he forgot to keep telling himself that. “I know it’s not, I just…Never mind. I don’t know.” He shook his head. “Yeah. You know what? Yeah. That’s probably best,” he agreed, though he didn’t believe his own words. He tried to smile at him. “Let’s just let it go. That’s probably our only option at this point.”

He couldn’t quite stop the guilt from settling in as Miles quieted down. He hadn’t meant for this to turn into an argument, or whatever this was. When it boiled down to it, Nick was just confused. And no time they spent apart and helped that. He was beginning to realize that Miles was just trying to make sense of it too. Sighing to himself, he paused a moment before speaking quietly. “I never said it wasn’t real. I just. I don’t know, Miles.” Nick shook his head. “We’re talking about it now, and things still feel pretty fucking weird. It’s confusing either way, man.” Nick wasn’t completely sure what the point he was trying to get across to Miles was, he just wanted to fix things somehow. Make everything go back to normal. But as he watched the others demeanor just change, he couldn’t help but feel as though he said or did something he shouldn’t have. Aside from the whole making out with him thing. Watching him carefully, he had to ask. “Are you just saying that, or do you mean it?” His hands curled into the fabric of his jacket from where they rested in his pockets. “I want us to be cool. Okay? You have to tell me you’re not secretly like — mad or something.” He paused, trying to crack a smile so it didn’t seem so serious even if it kind of was. “Just kind of want my friend back, you know?”

Miles didn’t know what to say. He knew that Nick was just as confused as he was, but Miles just didn’t know what was going through his head. He was just too afraid to ask. They were so close to being back to normal and Miles didn’t want to ruin it. Even if talking about it hadn’t really helped him much so far. But maybe reality slapping him across the face was what he needed: it genuinely didn’t mean anything. The sooner he realized that, the sooner they could just go back to being themselves again. “I mean it,” he said, although he wasn’t sure if it was entirely true. But what choice did he have? “I’m not mad. I want us to be okay, too. And the only way to do that is to let it go.” He felt significantly less awkward now, thankfully. But there was still a heavy feeling in his heart that he couldn’t quite place. He was just grateful it wasn’t all tense now. That was how things were supposed to be with them. They’d been friends for years. Nothing could weird for that long. “Okay. But if some shit happens again, I don’t wanna just stop talking. Can we at least agree on that?” he asked. “That’s not gonna work for me.” Not talking to him had made everything much worse for Miles. It left him too much time to think about it all and confuse him even more. “We’re bros. It doesn’t have to be like that.”

He wished that he knew what to say to make it all seem okay, but the fact of the matter was that Nick didn’t know how to handle the situation. If he were being honest, he was still a little freaked out over what had happened between them, but talking about it wasn’t going to help matters any. The only thing he knew to do was to just forget about it. “Okay.” He said simply enough, nodding and accepting the answer, although he hoped that Miles didn’t hear the doubt in his voice. This is what he had wanted, for Miles to agree to just let it go. But he still couldn’t help but feel weird about it, like something was still wrong somehow. “Everything’s good then. Okay?” He meant it as a final statement, but he couldn’t seem to stop it from coming out as a question. The conversation was a whole lot less stressful now that he knew Miles wasn’t about to punch him, and that they weren’t still actively avoiding each other. And a big part of him wanted to reach out somehow. Hug him or pat him on the shoulder or something to prove that they were cool again. But he refrained. If there were a surefire way to make things awkward again, touching him would probably be it. “I’m not gonna stop talking to you again.” He said after a moments pause, nodding although he was certain there would be no more slip ups. It fucked everything up enough the first time. “If we have a problem we can just fight it out with our fists like normal people, alright?” He cracked a small smile, trying to lighten the mood with a joke before sincerity colored his tone. “As long as things go back to normal.” That was the main goal here. “Besides. There’s so much shit I wanted to tell you that I can’t remember now. I’m not sure what they were about but it was probably at least kind of funny.” 

There was another lull in the conversation after Nick spoke, but it wasn’t too awkward this time. It was actually sort of nice. Miles had been tense the entire time, bracing himself for whatever horrible situation that was lying ahead, but now he could physically feel things starting to return to normal. They could be friends again, back to how they had been before they had kissed and everything had become confusing. “Yeah,” Miles responded, nodding. “Everything’s good.” In reality, Miles wasn’t sure what he had gone into this expecting. He wasn’t sure what he actually wanted to come out of it. He was happy they didn’t hate each other, but the idea of letting it go still didn’t seem to sit right with him. He felt like just ten minutes ago he would have done anything to convince Nick not to pretend it never happened, but now he was willing to do just that, as long as it meant he could have his friend back. It was confusing. But he didn’t particularly want to think about that anymore, because everything he was thinking had changed the minute he remembered it hadn’t meant anything. The distance between them suddenly felt too big again, but Miles didn’t want to be the one to close it anymore than he already had. He laughed lightly. “Sounds like a plan. But I’d beat you in a fight any day. You’ve seen me at my angriest before. It’s not pretty.” He nodded, at least agreeing with that. Not talking to Nick for so long was actually a hassle, since he now had all these things he’d wanted to show him piled up in his mind or just plain forgotten. He never realized just how much they shared with each other until there came a time that he wasn’t able to bring himself to talk to him at all. “Same here, man. Had to start sending all these stupid videos to my mom ‘cause I couldn’t just keep them to myself. She didn’t appreciate them like you do, though.” It was true. She usually had to have Miles explain it to her and that just really took away from it. He needed Nick’s matching sense of humor. “Also, I drank the rest of the beer you left at my place. I’d offer to buy you more to make up for it, but…” He shrugged. “Guess you’ll just have to remember that I’m your best friend and we’ll consider it a friendly gift so I don’t owe you shit.”

He had thought that maybe some distance would provide some clarity for the both of them, but at least for him it seemed to be the opposite. He still had no idea whatever the hell that was, or what their excuse for it even was, but he supposed now it didn’t matter. Things were starting to feel normal again, so really the only thing to do was just put it out of his mind. The truth was that he had missed him. It was different when they were just too busy to hang out or whatever. But it turns out that did not feel the same as intentionally ignoring someone did. That stung more than he’d care to admit, although truthfully it was mostly his own fault.  Smiling at him for real now, Nick stepped further into the room and closer towards Miles, feeling free to do so now that his apartment felt like less of a war zone and more like his home again. “Yeah, about that. If you do decide to take me down, do me a favor and avoid my face. Nose is already fucked up enough as it is. But the stomach area? All yours, man.” He was only mostly joking. Nick knew by now that Miles could pack a punch if he wanted to. He just didn’t quite want to be on the receiving end of that. “I’m sad I missed that. You think if I text her she’ll send them to me?” He laughed, joking easily enough now that the air around them wasn’t as heavy as it previously was. “Don’t worry about it.” He shook his head, quieting down some. “I probably would’ve left it for you, anyway.” You know, if he hadn’t have made some bullshit excuse and hauled ass back home. “I was just gonna add it onto the list of things I can hold over your head when you turn twenty one. You’ll be a full fledged adult, so I won’t have to be as nice to you then.”

Miles couldn’t explain what he felt when Nick smiled at him and came closer, but all he knew for sure was that he was thankful things were going to be fine between them again. They could be friends once again without all the weirdness, even if that meant doing exactly what Miles hadn’t wanted to do. He’d do it if it meant having Nick back. “My anger knows no bounds,” he said simply, shrugging. “I don’t think I’d be able to remember to watch for your nose if I was really ready to kick your ass. But I guess I’ll try if it ever does happen.” He had never actually hit someone he really cared about before. He wasn’t that stupid. But he wasn’t exactly the best at controlling his impulses, which Nick clearly knew now. “Maybe, if she hasn’t deleted them all yet. I’m sure she’d cry just by getting to talk to you. She still keeps telling me she misses you.” He wondered sometimes if his mom loved him as much as she loved his friends. She asked about Nick and Murphy almost on a daily basis. Miles shrugged. “Well, it’s gone now, in any case. I drank it while I watched cooking shows with Scout. As you could probably tell, I’ve had a pretty wild few weeks. You totally missed out.” Miles rolled his eyes, but laughed. “I’m sure you have a list of things against me. I can’t wait to see on my birthday. Which is coming up, in case you forgot and need a whole month to prepare a big extravagant gift for me.” It suddenly occurred to Miles why he’d even come here in the first place, because it hadn’t just been to talk to Nick, and now that was all he was doing. “Oh, shit. I still can’t find Mario Kart,” he said, mostly to himself, turning back around. “Did you take it?”

The last thing Nick wanted was to mess up their friendship somehow. For the past few days he couldn’t help but feel like he had, so this reassurance from Miles that everything was okay and that nothing had changed meant a lot. Even if he still felt a little odd for reasons he didn’t quite want to dwell on. Nick was determined that it would go away with time. “I’ll try to practice my fighting skills just in case, then. I appreciate the try, though.” The sad thing was that Nick knew Miles could kick his ass if he wanted to, but he wasn’t going to let him know that. He’d think he was scared of him — which he totally wasn’t, by the way. “Maybe I should. “ Nick was pretty sure there were times him and Murphy saw more of her than they did their actual Mom. And sure, maybe it would be a little weird for him to contact his friends Mom out of the blue just to say hi, but he didn’t want her to think they were ignoring her. Parents got weird about that stuff, even if they weren’t your own. “Dude, I feel like I have. Have you been watching Hell’s Kitchen? That show gets crazy. You probably needed the beer more than I did; I’m still a few weeks behind.” He couldn’t help but snort at that. “What, you mean you aren’t okay with a Starbucks gift-card? I was gonna get you the twenty-five dollar one and everything.” He already had a fairly good idea of what he was going to get him already, but he didn’t want him to know he planned this stuff. If word got out, him and Murphy would never leave him alone about potential gifts. “Mario Kart? Nah. I only try to steal Smash Bros. You’ve got the wrong brother.” He motioned down to the bottom of the TV, trying his best to see something from where he stood. “Have you tried under the TV? Sometimes we stack things that we use a lot there ‘cause it’s easier to find than it would be on the shelf.” Or stuff fell that they just left there for safe keeping. Better hidden than underfoot where they’d probably step on it. “You need me to shine a flashlight or something for you?”

Miles laughed. “Maybe it’s easier to just, y'know, not fight. There is some middle ground between completely ignoring each other and kicking the shit out of each other, you know. It’s called rationality.” Truthfully, if something weird were to ever happen again, there was no doubt in Miles’ mind that they would be able to work it out. This had turned out well given the circumstances, and he was certain Nick agreed on never wanting to just ignore him again. “Then you go do that. She’d love it.” Miles raised an eyebrow at Nick’s sudden enthusiasm. He should’ve brought up cooking shows weeks ago; it probably would have saved them a whole lot of silence. “Not really. I have seen it but it’s been a while. My mom used to be really into that one. I’m more of a Food Network guy myself — you know, Cupcake Wars, Chopped… The more sophisticated stuff,” he joked. He really did watch them, though. Yet he still couldn’t cook for shit. He couldn’t help but roll his eyes again at Nick’s joke about his gift, but he really didn’t have to get him anything. It sounded lame but Miles didn’t actually expect anything from Nick or Murphy. But Miles always wanted to go all out for them, anyway. “As a matter of fact, I would love that. I spend too much money on coffee. You’d feed my addiction for, like, three whole days. So thank you. You’re the sweetest.” He was teasing him but he wasn’t even lying. “Under the TV…?” Miles immediately turned around and dropped to his hands and knees to look over the stack Nick was referring to. Sure enough, his game was right there in plain sight. “Huh. So I guess I have a lot less faith in you guys as loyal friends than I should.” He stood up and looked at Nick, showing him the game now safely back in his hands. “But now all is right in the world.”

“I don’t know, sounds like a lot of work. You sure we’ve got that kind of time?” He was joking although he knew he was right.  Maybe they’d both kind of overreacted with the whole ignoring each other thing, and admittedly trying to fist fight it out wouldn’t exactly be the best solution either. Talking it out, or rather not talking about it at all, was clearly the best option here. So he guessed he’d stick with it. Nick nodded before grinning at the mention of the cooking shows. “It’s really intense. You’re missing out on a lot of savagery because the people are in it to win it. Dude, yes. Cupcake Wars is the best. And Halloween Wars. It’s exactly the same only they try to make the cupcakes spooky. And they use like, a ton of pumpkins. It’s awesome.” He wasn’t sure if it was still around, but the re-runs were definitely worth watching in his opinion. “I might end up saving that for Christmas so you have time to forget and are actually surprised. Just try not to look disappointed on your Birthday when you get your actual gift, alright? You’re going to make me feel guilty.” He laughed and nodded as Miles dropped down to search for the game. In all honesty he wasn’t sure if it’d be there or not — he didn’t even know they had Mario Kart at the apartment to begin with. Which was a shame because he would have tried to play it. At least for a little while. “Clearly.” He shook his head in amusement as Miles stood up with the game in hand. “Good. I’m glad you can breathe again. Next time just ask instead of thinking we’re hoarding all your stuff, okay? We only do that sometimes.”

Miles shook his head. “You’re right. It might just be easier at that point to fight.” He knew completely forgetting about what had happened was probably not much better than ignoring each other, but it definitely beat fighting, so Miles was going to take that and run with it. He was glad now that cooking shows were the topic of conversation, since he had a lot of opinions on the matter. “There’s enough savagery in Cupcake Wars. Cupcakes are pretty serious. Those people don’t take it lightly.” He nodded. “I didn’t know that was a thing, but I love Halloween so I feel like I should catch up on that. I gotta learn how to bake so I can be on one of those shows. You’d have to be my partner, though.” Miles had had his fair share of failed baking experiences, and it was disheartening, honestly. He spent too much time watching those shows to still be so bad at baking. “That’s cool, ‘cause at least then it’ll be the gift cards with all the snowflakes and stuff. Super festive.” He was always so nosy about birthday gifts, but he wasn’t the asshole who bugged the other person about it constantly. “Well, in my defense, ‘sometimes’ hoarding my stuff is enough for me to be curious about it every time. I never know what you guys are up to.” Miles panicked internally as silence came over them, fearing it would become awkward once again. He looked around aimlessly for a moment before saying the first thing that came to his mind. “So…how’s work going? At that club or whatever. You work late nights a lot. You must be pretty popular over there.” Although he’d never really mentioned what it was that he did. But Miles didn’t really care. He himself was still trying to find a job he wouldn’t hate. Nick was much better off than he was already.

Nick smiled and nodded once, amused now that the conversation between them was normal again. Well, as normal as they could get. “Can you blame them? They get ten thousand dollars and weird ass party invites. You can’t just lose something like that, gotta be serious.” He nodded, almost serious himself. “You should give it a try. We’ll YouTube a couple of baking videos and then apply. But I’m in. We’d kick so much ass, man. They’d look awesome.” All they needed to do was make sure they were edible. Then they’d for sure win. “It’ll be the glittery snow flake one, too. So when it gets everywhere you’ll always remember where it came from. That way when it gets shoved down in your wallet you don’t forget about it. That’s thinking ahead.” He teased before shrugging. “I don’t know half of the time either. We don’t plan it, you know.” Nick smiled, before the conversation began to die off and he shifted on his feet. Though, truth be told, when Miles spoke again, part of him wished things had just gone silent and awkward again. Because he immediately froze, looking at Miles oddly for a moment. “What do you mean by that?” He was confused, although inwardly he couldn’t help but panic. Miles couldn’t know, though. It was an innocent question. He was just being paranoid. “They like me okay, I guess.” He replied slowly, shrugging as he tried to not seem like he was weird about answering. “It’s going okay. I’m getting lots of hours.” He paused, trying to summon up another smile. “And it’s a fun job. I’m good with the customers, I think.” At least he hoped so. It’d be embarrassing if he were bad at his job. “How’re things going for you? You find something yet?”

“Can’t argue there. There’s a lot on the line. That’s where enemies are made.” Miles laughed, but he was totally serious. Cupcakes were no laughing matter. “Can you bake? That’s the real question. ‘Cause I sure can’t. So I’m kinda counting on you to take home the win for us, man.” It wasn’t that hard to follow a recipe, but somehow he still always messed it up. “Oh, great. I totally want glitter all over my wallet. It is good thinking, though, ‘cause I’ll be more likely to use it if it gets rid of the glitter.” The conversation shifted as Nick seemed confused by Miles’ question, even tense. He hadn’t meant anything by it, of course. He himself became confused, but he didn’t want to question Nick’s reaction too much. “I—what?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. “I just meant…you work a lot. I was just saying it must be going well.” He nodded as Nick continued to talk, not wanting to push anything more than he already had. “That’s good. I’ll still have to come visit someday,” he offered, smiling. When his own job hunt came into question, Miles sighed, slumping his shoulders. “Nope. I’m picky as hell. My dad’s been giving me shit because I won’t keep my options open. But hey. We don’t all find our dream jobs as accountants in our early twenties, Dad.” He shook his head. “But I’m not bitter or anything at my having no direction in life. Make no mistake.”

“Honestly. If you were somehow on the other team, I hope you know I’d have to destroy you. I mean , that’d never happen because you’d be on my team and we’d make a total power couple. But hypothetically.” This was serious shit so he had to have the best on his team. Miles would see his vision, at the very least. Even if neither of them had very intensive baking experience. “Like — from a box. My Mom tried to show me how to do it from scratch once, but I think I forgot. The box is easy, though, all you’ve gotta do is read the back then mash everything together. As long as they allow it we’ll be fine.” Hopefully. Maybe. Hypothetically speaking only, of course. “Don’t mention it. Just trying to look out for you, man.” The confusion that appeared on Miles’ face at his slight outburst clued him into the fact that it had been an innocent question, and that he wasn’t just trying to fuck with him. It was too sincere. So Nick relaxed some, hoping the paranoia hadn’t seeped into his tone too obviously. “Right. Well. Yeah.” He nodded. “Yeah, it’s going fine. I mean, it’d be nice to have the night off every once in awhile. But you know, the money is nice.” The money was definitely nice. Even if he couldn’t seem to save much of it. If it didn’t cost so much to live maybe he’d actually have more than a few bucks to his name. “Hey, you’ll find something. You don’t have to settle just because he wants you to, you know. Then you’d just be stuck in a shitty job that you hate. And then you wouldn’t be able to find the time to find something you do like.” He paused for a moment. Nick wasn’t sure if anyone really had any direction in life. In fact, he was eighty percent sure that it was just a myth. But if anyone could find it, it’d be Miles and Murphy. It’d just take a little while. “Plus, you’re probably busy doing more important things anyway. Instead of trying to do math you can just catch up on Halloween Wars. Who knows?” He smiled, shrugging. “You’d probably end up being happier.”

“Well, yeah. I would too. Every man for himself. No friends in Cupcake Wars.” Miles shrugged. “Well, yeah, any idiot can do that. I don’t think they allow using mixes from a box, though. Anyone could win in that case.” He was beginning to think he should actually start to learn how to bake in case the situation ever arose. “I appreciate it.” Nick was noticeably less tense, but it still left Miles wondering what had gotten him so worked up in the first place. He’d let it slide, though. “Yeah, I mean, the money makes it all worth it, I’m sure. Glad it’s working out for you, though.” He shrugged. “Yeah, I dunno. I’ve seen a few things but nothing’s sticking. I’ll die before I work in retail so it kinda limits my options. I’m also trying to avoid anything with dogs ‘cause I don’t want Scout to be pissed every time I come home.” Scout generally avoided him when he smelled like other dogs. She was easily jealous, clearly. “Totally. I’m still pretty busy with school, anyway. I’ll figure it out eventually.” Miles found himself saying that often, especially to his parents when they asked what his plans for after graduation were. But it was true. He would figure it out eventually. “Of course I’d be happier watching Halloween Wars. Wouldn’t we all?” He sighed, glancing down at his feet and slipping his free hand into his pocket. He didn’t particularly want to leave in the middle of an intriguing conversation about cupcakes and glitter, but he hadn’t planned on being here for too long. “Anyway, I should get going soon. But it was, um…it was good talking to you, man.” He reached for his keys in his coat pocket. “Let me know if you want to hang out or anything. Otherwise I’ll definitely see you for my birthday and the wedding.” It was definitely convenient that they were within days of each other. “Thanks for helping me find the game.”

“Pretty sure that’s the tagline for the show, actually.” He nodded to himself, even if it probably most definitely wasn’t. "Hey, you asked. But google is always an option too. I’m sure Gordon Ramsay’s got a recipe online somewhere.” Nick wasn’t the best baker or cook himself, but at least he could figure things out, if he really needed to. Nodding as Miles’ spoke, he didn’t respond until he stopped. “Can she really tell? ‘Cause in that case, she might be able to smell Murphy’s dog on you. No idea where she is, but she was running through here earlier. Her scent could be sticking to you right now for all we know.” He rose an eyebrow, although truthfully he wasn’t all that surprised. Dogs were smart. Especially that one. Nick had learned that the hard way. “School takes up a lot of time, anyway. I say print out your class schedule for proof when people start to give you shit.” Nick laughed. “You do have a point.” He’d rather be watching Halloween Wars 10 out of 10 times himself. He nodded, smile nearly sheepish for allowing the conversation to go on for so long when Miles’ had only been there for the one thing. He probably hadn’t intended to have a heart to heart and a full on conversation about TV shows when he came over, but in Nick’s defense, he hadn’t planned that either.  “Ah — right. And I should probably do what I said I was going to.” That nap wasn’t going to take itself. And he was running out of time to try to do that, unfortunately. “You too. I’ll…text you or something soon.” Because it was cool to do that again now, he hoped. “If not, I’ll definitely see you soon. Wouldn’t miss either.” He was being sincere. He’d been planning on it even when they were being weird still. “You’re welcome. Now you know all of our hiding places, though.” Well, one of them. “We’ll have to come up with brand new ones now. I don’t want to be predictable.”

[obsessing-stressing]

What Lies in the Heart- Chapter 7

My resolve shattered once I looked into his eyes. No longer could I deny that the times we spent together were meaningless. We shared too much and understood each other so well. My heart ached as he looked at me in both anger and something else. The intensity of his gaze forced me to look away. I knew the look. I saw it in others as they looked at the person they loved. My brain kept saying it was only a year, but my heart told it to shut the fuck up.  Surprisingly, it did.

“Jared”

I whispered.

He came towards me, taking Jade’s seat. Amy, after taking the que from Jade left us.

We were silent for a bit and he said.

“I should have killed him”

I shrugged. Rage consumed me at what the bastard tried to do, but if Jared had killed him his career would be over. It did not matter why he did it, the tabloids would spin it in and give his haters the power to demonize him.

I had so much to say, but the drugs were not fully out of my system.

“Bad idea”

That was all I could say and he understood.

“You always worry about the wrong things.”

He was going there, but I did not have the energy in me to argue. He was right. I ended a friendship because I was afraid of being bothered.

I just nodded.

“I’m buying you a car.”

“Ah”

“You can pay me back later. It will be a lease. Just pay me what you can.”

With that he left, so I could not argue against it.

I lied back down and smiled. I really missed him. Maybe, it’s not too late to fix my fuck up.

3 weeks later…

 Jared and I were inseparable. After our long talk at the hospital things had changed for us. He had come in the next day and decided to sit with me and talk. I wasn’t bothered by it. He did literally beat a dude’s ass the other day. However, the drugs the doctors used to combat the paralyzing agent made me loopy and had not realized I had confessed my thoughts about him out loud. I still cringe at how disgustingly cute it was.

 Past

“I love you, but I hate you at the same time. Why did it have to be you of all people?”

I remember him looking up from his phone and staring wide eyed at me and that’s when I realized I said it aloud.

He slowly placed the phone down and pressed his hands together and just stared at me.

“I wasn’t talking about you! I was reciting a poem!”

He raised his hand and shook his head. His eyes closed for a few seconds and set his eyes back on me and grinned from ear to ear.

“Fuck you, Jared!”

I shouted turning away from him and covering my face.

“Lyrica, Lyrcia. You just confessed your feelings to me.”

He laughed. He was laughing so hard I had to turn back to make sure he was breathing. I shot up once I realized he wasn’t just laughing, but crying.

“Are you okay?”

He flipped his hair out of his face and nodded.

“I really thought you hated me. I really thought there was no going back.”

He looked up at me, enraged.

He stood and stalked towards me.

“Dude, are you having a moment right now. Your emotions are off.”

I said shying away from him.

He towered over me and glared.

“You fucking made me feel like shit for half a fucking year! Please tell me it was because you were actually mad at me and not because you were trying to run away?”

I looked everywhere, but him.

“Lyrica!”

He shouted so loudly that a nurse came in to check on us and he turned on his pretty boy mode and shooed her out the room.

He pressed his hand to his temple.

“I’m fucking pissed right now, but I’m also happy. You fucking love me, but you’re a fucking bitch and I still love you. You’re a fucking selfish bitch and I love you.”

“I get it.”

“No you don’t. You are trash, no garbage and I still love you.”

“Omfg, Jared. I get it!”

He walked back towards me and leaned in so close I had to lay back down on the bed. His hair fell across me and I could only say one thing.

“Damn, you’re pretty.”

His eye twitched and he sighed.

He leaned in close enough to peck my lips and pulled away. He walked towards the window and nodded.

“Well, we’re a thing now.”

“What? I never-“

He turned towards me and glared so hard his face turned red.

“Yep, we are definitely dating now.”

I said nodding at him. Bruh, was so mad at me, buuut he loved me.

 Present

“Lyrica?”

I shook myself and looked up at Jared across from our table.  

“Hm?”

“I asked if you already picked out your outfit for the Grammy’s?”

I squinted at him.

He sighed.

“That’s fine. I want us to match so we can go find something to wear together.”

“I’m not going, Jared. I said this multiple times. I don’t want those cameras in my face.”

He turned those beautiful blue eyes on me and then turned away and sighed.

“If you really loved me you’d go. It’s not like you made me feel like shit for half a year because you were too chicken shit to accept your feelings for me. I mean, it’s not like I lost my mind or anything due to the guilt.”

He pouted and twirled his hair.

“Fucking fine, I’ll go.”

He smirked and I through a carrot at him.

He was right after all. I could not deny the joy in knowing, despite my cruelty towards him, that he still wanted to be with me. I was so happy to know that not all fuck ups have to be the end. Some people let their fears stop them from living life to the fullest, from experiencing the beauty the world has to offer. I’m just glad that I won’t have to be one of them. 

 Jared POV

I have so much planned for us, so many places I want to take her. Of course I was angry, but I was happier knowing that she loved me too.  I could let my anger fester and continue without her or I can live a life worth living with her. Too many people let their anger get in the way of happiness. I’m happy knowing I’ll never have to be one of them. 

[ponticle]

Coffee Shop - Part 2 (Alistair x Anders - Modern AU)

Before you read this... check out Coffee Shop - Part 1 and the 12 Days of Anderstair challenge. :) 

Summary: After a tumultuous beginning, everything seems like it’s really going to work out for Anders... Rated M: angst and adult topics. Under a cut for length. [Anders’ POV, first person, present tense.]

Six months later (June)

“Love, you're going to be late,” I chide. Alistair is a bear in the morning. He groans and growls until he's finished his first cup of coffee—which he takes blonde, but unsweetened, by the way.

“It's okay… my interns are about to graduate, anyway…” he says. “They don't need me.”

I perch on the edge of the bed and kiss his forehead. “I'm sure that's not true.”

“Can you please come back to bed?” he asks. “Just for ten or fifteen minutes?”

“What do you think you'll actually accomplish in that paltry amount of time?” I smirk.

“I don't know—let's find out,” he snakes a hand around my waist and pulls me back toward him. He's still naked—and beautiful. But I'm already dressed and heading to work for my first client of the day.

“I have to go—see you tonight, Love.” I kiss him again and take off.

We still technically have two apartments, but I barely use mine. I have spent more than half the nights of the last six months in unit 506. Even Pounce thinks we live there. I carry him between homes daily. I'm planning to bring it up—the possibility of cohabitation—but I haven't had the guts. I want to tell him I love him first… I haven’t had the guts to do that either.

On my walk to the train, I look down at my phone. Our group chat is still going strong.

Isabela: how's life is la-la-land, Andy?

Merrill: I think he might be too love drunk to answer

Even Merrill makes fun of me now. I don't mind, though. I have the sexiest boyfriend I can imagine. Nothing can eviscerate my good mood.

Anders: that reminds me, I need your help, guys.

Hawke: what can we do, bud?

Fenris: is this serious?

Anders: I want to move in with Alistair. I'm not sure how to ask him.

Isabela: you guys basically live together already. Why don't you just bring your stuff upstairs tomorrow and be done with it?

Fenris: that is horrible advice.

Anders: I just want him to know that I'm ready to take the next step.

Merrill: ask him to dinner... and while you're there, tell him you love him and you think it's ridiculous that you still pay two rents.

Anders: that's the problem… we haven't said… that.

Fenris: you've been dating for half a year. You're not in love?

Anders: It isn't that. I'm definitely in love with him, we just haven't said it.

Merrill: he definitely loves you.

Hawke: it's obvious.

Isabela: just shout it out the next time you're banging him—that's the easiest time because if it doesn't go well you can blame it on the heat of the moment.

Hawke: you're terrible

Isabela: I know.

I'm laughing when I get onto the train and it carries me through the whole day. Before I know it, I'm reversing my course and heading home. I stop by my apartment to pick up a few things and then proceed to the fifth floor. I'm early. Maybe we'll have time to make dinner together.

I find music blaring into the hallway—it’s that same kind of jazz that Alistair always plays. This isn't unusual; he’s probably cleaning—this is the music that pumps him up to vacuum, apparently.

I'm about to call out for Alistair when I see an unfamiliar coat slung across the back of a chair and a messenger bag next to it on the floor.

I walk into the living room and don't see anyone, but a glint of light makes me look into the loft. Shadows flicker against the wall. I'm not sure why, but I creep up the stairs noiselessly.

Oh god.

Just 5 stairs up, I see it. The love of my life kissing a handsome blonde. I've only seen him twice in my life, but his face is etched into the darkest recesses of my mind—It's fucking Cullen.

I'm completely silent. I turn on my heel and I'm half way back to my apartment before I even realize I'm crying.

I shut the door and bolt it behind me. Pounce comes bounding out to see me. I slide down the wall and end up slumped on the floor. I pick up the phone and call Hawke. I don't even know why he's the one—I just feel like he'll know what to do.

“Hawke?” I sob.

“Hey... buddy, are you okay?” asks Hawke. He sounds horrified.

“Alistair's cheating on me,” I cry. I'm a complete mess. My eyes sting and I can't breathe.

“How do you know?” he asks.

“Because I came home early and caught him kissing his ex… or non-ex… whatever,” I trail off. In my head, I replay our first conversation about Cullen. Alistair said, ‘I used to be in love with him.’ Words he's never said to me. Words he never will, I'm sure.

“Oh my god, Anders,” says Hawke, “I'm so sorry.”

I can hear Merrill in the background, she's asking what is going on—why he looks so pale. He hesitates.

“It's okay, Hawke,” I manage, “you can tell her. I need to go anyway…”

“Anders?” he pauses, “Do you want me to come over?”

“No…” I answer unequivocally. “It's nice of you to offer, though. I'll call you tomorrow.”

I drop the phone at my side and wait. I know it will be about 3 minutes before the group text explodes on my behalf. I can't bare to look at it, though. On some level, this feels like it's my fault. I knew Alistair was a mess when we got together—I knew he was dangerous. He warned me.

“But I love him,” I say to no one.

It's 6pm, but I'm so exhausted I can't stay upright. I drag myself to my bed and crawl under the covers. I haven't slept here in weeks. It doesn't seem like anyone ever did. The sheets don't smell like Alistair, but they don't smell like me either.

Who am I without him?

A few hours later, I wake up hot and uncomfortable. I start stripping off layers of clothes before getting back in bed. I notice my phone is lighting up like crazy and I pick it up. It's almost midnight now. I have six missed calls and 8 texts—they're all from Alistair.

Alistair: hey, babe, just wondering when you're going to be home.

Alistair: hey… did you have a crazy day at work?

Alistair: I ended up coming home early...

Alistair: are you thinking fish or beef?

Alistair: sweetie, it's getting late. Are you ok?

Alistair: I'm starting to get worried—please call… just to let me know you're ok.

Alistair: I tried to call Hawke, but he didn't pick up.

Alistair: what's going on???

Alistair: I'm beginning to freak out. Where are you?

The most recent one was sent just two minutes ago. I’m crying again. I can't seem to stop. My eyes hurt and I want to crawl into a hole and die.

There's a knock at my door. I know who it is before I look, but I creep toward the peephole anyway. Alistair looks really nervous. For a second, I think about opening the door, but I don't.  I don't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me like this. I shuffle away from the door and go back to bed, burying my head in the pillows. I have never been so thankful I never gave him a key.

The next morning, I can't bring myself to go to work. I reschedule my clients and stay in bed until 1pm. At that point, my anxiety is starting to kick up and I know that the only real remedy that works for me is aerobic exercise. I put on my sneakers and head outside. I pull my hood up in case I see anyone I know—I don't feel like doing pleasant small talk. It’s June, and incredibly stuffy, but that is a small price to pay for anonymity. Before I start running, I get a text from Hawke.

Hawke: dude, Alistair called me a bunch of times last night. I finally talked to him at like 1am. He was really worried.

Anders: what did you tell him?

Hawke: I said I couldn't get in the middle… but I implied that you aren’t dead...

Good. I don't want to see him.

Hawke: but… I think you should tell him you're ok.

Anders: what?? The guy is fucking cheating on me.

Hawke: I'm not saying that you should forgive him… but he might report you as a missing person if you're not careful.

Anders: ok.

I start jogging while I think about what to say. I think about calling, but I don't think I can do it without crying. I decide to text him around the two-mile mark.

Anders: I'm ok. You can stop worrying.

Alistair: holy shit, Anders, I have been going crazy. Where were you??

Anders: I went home.

Alistair: what? What do you mean?

Anders: you know… to the apartment I pay for? The one with my name on the lease.

Alistair: why?

He's such an asshole. I can't believe he's playing dumb like this—he thinks he's gotten away with it.

Anders: this isn't working for me.

Alistair: what???

Anders: we need to break up.

Alistair: what? Why? Anders, please.

Before I even have a chance to type a response, he's calling me.

I answer, annoyance shrouding the lancinating pain I feel. “What?”

“Anders, I don't understand what's going on,” sputters Alistair.

I think he's crying.

“This isn't working. We need to break up,” I say as callously as I can.

“But…” he chokes out a little sob, “Anders, I thought everything was going so well…”

“So did I,” I blurt.

“What?”

“Nothing.” I clear my throat to keep from crying. This is the most painful conversation I've ever had in my life. Worse than breaking up with Karl by a factor of ten. “Just drop off my things outside my door and I'll put them inside later,” I instruct.

“Oh my god, Anders,” he cries, “can't we talk about this??”

“I'm sorry, but we can't,” I say definitively. Why is he this upset? Doesn't he have a supermodel-astronaut to fuck? “Goodbye, Al.” I hang up.

When I get back from my run, Alistair is sitting outside my door—camped out, arms across his chest. His face is tear-worn.

“What are you doing here?” I groan.

He stands, “I'm here to try to get a fucking straight answer out of you.”

That's rich.

“Anders,” he grabs both sides of my face to force me to look at him, “I love you.”

My heart breaks. I have been waiting for him to say that to me for months and now he says it like this??! When I've seen him with someone else?

“What kind of an idiot do you think I am?” I shake my head free.

“What?” He looks horrified.

I bury my fists in my hair and pull, hard enough that it's a little painful. “I can't do this.”

“Why?” he asks. He's desperate.

Because you won't come clean with me. Because you're trying to trick me. Because you never loved me at all—not if you could DO that with someone else.

“I don't love you,” I lie. The words escape through my mouth with a hiss. “I don't see any kind of a future for us. We're done.”

He staggers back against the wall. Tears are streaming down his face now. I silently pray that no one comes down the hallway—they'll think I'm the worst person in the world based on what he looks like. Little do they know it's the other way around.

“Fine…” he manages. He wipes his face on the cuff of his sleeve and turns to walk toward the stairwell. “I'll drop of your things tomorrow…”

“Fine,” I open my door and quickly step behind it. I'm on the verge of losing it and I don't want him to see.

The second the door slams I'm sobbing again—more angrily than ever. My sense of fairness has been assaulted. Why would he continue to pretend when it's so obvious I've caught him? Moreover, why is he sad at all? Why not just run off with Cullen into the sunset?

Then it occurs to me: maybe Cullen didn't want him. He never did before—for a decade. Maybe Alistair lured him to the apartment somehow, told him he's still in love with him and kissed him, only to be rejected.

I laugh a little hysterically. I'm a consolation prize. I always have been.

I pick up the phone to call Hawke, who has called me three times since I last looked.

“Hi,” he says cautiously. “Did you talk to him?”

“Yes,” I manage. I'm still sort of crying, but outrage is helping me hold it together. “I broke up with him.”

“Wow…” Hawke sounds shocked. “So is he getting back together with his ex?”

“How would I know?” I snap.

“Well…” Hawke clears his throat in confusion. “He must have said something about him… if you were angry enough to break up…”

I pause. “He didn't come clean.”

“What do you mean?” asks Hawke. “He denied it?”

I scoff, “No. He wouldn't even bring it up. I told him this wasn't going to work out and all he did was cry.”

“He cried?” Hawke is incredulous.

“Yeah…” I swallow audibly, “sobbed, actually—”

Hawke doesn’t really respond, but I can hear him breathing.

“I really need to get out of here,” I whimper.

“Yeah… Hanged Man?” he offers.

“I’ll leave now,” I hang up.

The train ride to the bar feels interminable. I’ve never been so angry and raw and ruined. I feel like I’ll never recover. When I get there, Fenris and Isabela are already sitting in our corner. Merrill joins them a second later.

“Where’s Hawke?” I ask.

“He just went to take a call,” explains Merrill. “He’ll be right back.”

I slide into our usual booth next to Fenris, who pushes over into Isabela to make space for me.

“So… I’m sure Hawke already told you…” I mumble.

All their faces fall at once, but only Merrill speaks.

“Hawke, we’re just…” she pauses to look at everyone else briefly, “we’re a little concerned that you might have made a rash decision…”

I blink. What the fuck is happening here?

Fenris pipes up, “Anders,” he puts a hand on my shoulder steadyingly, “we’re not saying you’re wrong… and if he did what you think, then we’ll never speak to him again,” he pauses while everyone else nods in agreement. “...but we’ve all come to know Alistair—this just doesn’t sound like him…”

“Well, none of you were there,” I snap. “I saw them.”

“What were they doing, exactly?” asks Isabela.

I’m perturbed that they’re making me relive this, but what else did I expect? I don’t believe it any more than they do.

“I came home and found them upstairs,” I say through clenched teeth, “...and they were sitting on the bed—our bed—kissing.”

“Were they dressed?” asks Isabela.

“Does it matter?” I counter.

“Well, it matters a little, Anders,” says Merrill. “For all you know, Alistair might have pushed him away two seconds after you fled!”

I have considered that already—it’s a tiny ember of hope in the back corner of my mind that I’m afraid to hold onto.

“That sounds more like something Alistair would do,” says Fenris.

I can’t believe everyone’s sticking up for my boyfriend like this. Ex-boyfriend.

“Even still,” I push a hand through my hair and close my eyes. “If he pushed him off or didn’t, why were they there in the first place? How did they end up in the bedroom?”

Everyone shrugs. My heart sinks again. I was actually hoping someone would be able to provide me with a logical explanation.

“We just think you should talk to him…” adds Hawke; he’s over my shoulder suddenly. “And…” he sits next to me, draping an arm around my shoulders, “please don’t be angry, but I called him…”

I turn, horrified, ready to start yelling, when I see Alistair in Hawke’s shadow.

“Can we talk?” asks Alistair. He looks nervous.

I look at each of my friends in turn and take a deep breath. I can feel my face becoming a mask.

“Okay…” I nod. C’mon, Anders… don’t freak out.

Alistair leads me to a smaller booth on the other side of the bar. He has—presumptuously—gotten me a drink. The fact that he knows exactly what I’d order makes me perversely happy, though.

“Hawke explained what happened,” he says.

I look at him blankly.

“...that you saw… and that you were so hurt that you left,” he continues. “I wish I had heard that from you.”

“Well, I wish you weren’t cheating on me, Al.” My voice is alarmingly shrill when I hear it.

He looks wounded. “That’s not what’s happening,” he says.

I raise an eyebrow. Little does he know, I'm rooting for him. I want to be proved wrong. I wish I could think of a plausible explanation.

“Cullen showed up unannounced,” he begins.

I bristle at his name.

“I haven’t spoken to him at all since we’ve been together,” he says. “So I was really surprised… but I let him in.”

I fold my arms across my chest.

“He's moving here—he's gotten a teaching gig at the university…” he explains.

It occurs to me that I have no idea what Cullen does—I made him an astronaut in my mind, remember?

“...and he wants to make amends—wants to straighten things out between us,” Alistair bites his lip. “And I was reluctant. I said I wasn't sure if we could do that… I told him he's bad for me… that you're the only good thing I've ever had in my life.”

I suck in a little gasp.

“But then... he finally admitted that he loves me… after literally years of saying he didn’t… of telling me—and everyone else we know—I was crazy...” explains Alistair. “I tried to throw him out of the apartment… I literally pushed him toward the door…”

Alistair is gesturing now—acting it out as he goes.

“And then… he kissed me… pushed me against the wall and…” he pauses.

I nod, even though I hate where this is going.

“I was completely shocked—and it felt so good to be vindicated… after all this time,” mumbles Alistair.

I feel like crying again. “It sounds like you still love him.”

He shakes his head vehemently. “I don’t.” He reaches across the table and hooks his fingers around my crossed forearms. “I have never loved anyone like I love you.” He lets that sink in, staring at me. “It took him finally giving me what I thought I wanted to realize it.”

“I still don’t understand… why were you upstairs with him?” I bark.

He winces. “It was a mistake, Anders—a huge one.”

“How far did it go?” I ask. I’m dreading the answer.

He bites his bottom lip. “I don’t want to lie to you… some things happened.”

I feel like my throat is closing—I can’t seem to breathe. I lean into the table and rest my face in my palms.

“I need you to leave,” my voice is muffled in the fabric of my sleeve.

“Anders, please,” he orbits the table, coming to sit on my left. “I’m so sorry—it was the worst mistake I’ve ever made.”

“It’s just…” I clench my jaw, trying to stay calm. “I won’t be able to trust you again if I have to keep picturing you with him in the back of my mind. We’re ruined.”

“Please,” he wraps his arms around me, “Give me a chance to show you how much I love you—to prove you can trust me again.”

I look up at him and try to blink through a blinding haze of tears.

He takes in a shaky breath, “Move in with me.”

[Thank you for reading! Check out more of my work on Ao3  and come play with me on twitter.]

[thiccpapisss]

My Life Is In Danger

Please reblog, please help me

The day I met Andrew (before becoming his roommate) was 04/09/2020.  

I met Andrew here where I currently reside through my ex coworker at the time Alyssa Pearson. She and Andrew were current roommates at the time she introduced me to Andrew. When I arrived to the scene to hang out and catch up with Alyssa, I was introduced to Andrew her new roommate. Whom it was clear to see that he was absolutely out of his mind drunk. I knew I needed to keep a safe distance based on personal experience. On this day as I am sitting with my legs crossed signaling non confrontational body language, Andrew would poke my thigh touching my Adidas sign on my pants saying “wow this is so cool, I’ve never seen all black Adidas pants” I casually did not find any interest in his flandering “compliments” It was all a cover up. The more touchy he got, the more I felt its time to leave. My boyfriend would not be happy with me sharing this experience with him. So I called an uber to head back home. I couldn’t handle sharing such a small space with a man I never met before. I also never feel comfortable to share my energy with a caucasian man. The conversations do not feel genuine to me. I always felt he been trying to befriend me since 04/09/2020.

That was my first ever encounter with Andrew William LoPresti

Next was 04/20/2020 when I came back to see Alyssa again, I was feeling overwhelmed with my previous living situation under so much stress from the pandemic. I needed an escape from reality. Alyssa extended the offer to come over to release some stress, paint, have some wine and just relax. I took the offer. On this day I saw Andrew and a previous roommate at the time whom names does not need to be mentioned and as I am getting ready to leave with my uber approaching within minutes. The former roommate whom name does not need to be mentioned, Alyssa, and Andrew all informed me that May 28th the former roommate will be moving out and because of the stress I was under to move out of the old house I was living in , I was extended the offer to live here where I currently reside with welcoming arms. Everything seemed so perfect! Andrew, Alyssa and I were all so excited to have not only a trustworthy, responsible, reliable adult who has a savings, who can pay rent on time, I gave them hope for a better , much happier experience with a new roommate than they’ve had in the past. I thought this was a blessing for me. It was a great day 04/20/2020. Aside from what Andrew done to me I knew this was an opportunity for me to change my life for the better. I planned to move in with the intentions to live here and grow, for a better opportunity in the near future. I did not move in here to be friends with Andrew, Alyssa and Kent, I did not move in with the intentions to be buddy buddy with these young adults. I came here to live peacefully with my boyfriend. I came with the intentions to expand my horizons, and to save more money to get an apartment or a house in a couple of years. 

  Move in Day (05/28/2020)  

  It was  6:30 pm 05/28/2020 that Chris and I arrived very late to our new home to meet the landlord and to sign the lease agreement. As we arrived to the house in our moving truck, Alyssa comes out to guide us to parallel park, and Andrew is right behind Alyssa looking completely disgustingly wasted while holding what is called a “shooter”half empty in his hand. The 28 year old caucasian man struggled to stand up straight, and still. As I get out the truck he greets me asking “what took you so long to get here motherfucker?” That rubbed me the wrong way. Because he is no one to question me with such a negative connotation. I thought “how dare he question me like that?” But it did  not matter as I saw he was already so wasted. Mind you. Andrew is wasted and this is move in day, where we meet with our landlord Shauni Friedman and we sign the lease together and go over the lease agreement with a clear understanding. I did not think it was appropriate for him to have been so drunk at this time. 

  Shauni arrives, and Andrew and his girlfriend attempt to leave. Shauni asked him where is he going, as we needed to step inside to discuss the lease agreement. Andrew responds telling Shauni he and his girlfriend are trying to catch the liquor store before it closes. Shauni explained to Andrew this meeting will only take a few minutes since Andrew clarified that the liquor store he was gonna go to closes at 8pm. It’s just a little after 6:30 , maybe about 6:40 pm. Theres no need to be in a hace to purchase liquor. He is already belligerently drunk. I couldn’t believe it. 

 Now here where are inside the living room with Andrew, Alyssa, Myself, Chris , and Kent talking with Shauni. Going over the month to month lease agreement. Andrews obnoxiously talking over everyone, trying to befriend Shauni with his kind ways, and gestures, trying to paint this false picture that we are all some kind of a family. That IMMEDIATELY made myself and Chris uncomfortable. We knew  we weren’t there to be a “family” but there was no need to dispute his verbals when Chris and I had our own game plan. We were focusing on growth and success. Not being friends and family with strangers. 

  The very next day 05/29/2020 is my birthday, and may I say it was the best day ever! Nothing happened. The next day 05/30/2020, Andrew and Alyssa are throwing jokes at each other and Alyssa goes into his room (door wide open) I followed behind to just be warm and kind and not come off as I’m so uptight, Andrew and Alyssa are both in the room and I welcome myself which was not a problem at all because as Andrew says himself “I love Daquaen so much” my boyfriend can validate that statement. As can Alyssa. As I go in and toss what I pretended was holy water on my friend Alyssa for being a fresh young lady with Andrew, Andrew comes from behind me, gropes my butt, then slides his hands up from my butt to my shoulders, massages my shoulders and physically turns me around (facing the door )to walk me out of his room. As he walks me out of his room he smacks my butt abruptly and tells my boyfriend whom he referred to as “Christian” not Chris that he smacked my ass. That’s not normal. I thought to myself, why would he do that? Why would he say this to my boyfriend as if that was okay. I was so uncomfortable so mind blown, I was just confused. None of it made sense. 

Andrew has a girlfriend all ready, yet was being inappropriate with Alyssa…then touching and groping my butt, and telling my boyfriend exactly what he did as if that was the most polite thing he was proud of himself for doing. Absolutely not. Unacceptable. 

May 30th, The day after my birthday Chris and I decided to make baked ziti for dinner I am wearing a tank top and underwear and chris had on his underwear as we are cooking, here comes Andrew so  ecstatic that we are openly in our underwear cooking with no judgements from anyone. We opened a door for him that he felt amazed by and comfortable enough to suggest he will be doing the same as us. I thought it was strange that he was happy to see us openly in our underwear…so here he goes again touching, making feel uneasy, touching my boyfriend calling us cutie pies over and over again. The “compliments” just did not stop. I felt like he was doing way too much now. It was way too overwhelming. For a straight man like him who is in a relationship with a woman he was pretty flirty with two men in a relationship with each other. So in this moment as we are cooking, I asked him if he could just not touch me, because in the outfit I was wearing I did not think it was appropriate for him to even touch my shoulder. He offered to “hug it out” to bring the tension down…but I just asked that he doesn’t touch me. Not even my shoulders, then he said alright what about a fist pound or hand shake. I said no thank you Andrew because that will go against everything I just asked of you. I am not going to be flandered any longer I told him. He immediately got offended and said to me “oh come on dude, its just a fist pump.” I looked at him in confusion…what was he not getting? I wondered. So as he proceeded to STILL touch my shoulders, he began complimenting my hair, touching and massaging my head…in front of my boyfriend STILL, as I am in my underwear! That massage he forced onto my head was way to sensual for my liking, then he proceeded by saying “I do this with everyone, I’m just a friendly guy and you’re trying tome me look like the bad guy” that’s what he told me. Andrew loves to play the victim role when he has been rejected I noticed. As he proceeds with his whining, Alyssa lets him know that he is not the bad guy and no one is making him out to be the bad guy(which is the truth) Alyssa explained that I (Daquaen Moore) was just asking that he gives me my personal space and just don’t touch me no matter what I am wearing. I could be dressed in a tuxedo…do not touch me. I made that very clear to Andrew. Now he stomps off in a rant because now Alyssa is backing me up.

Now May 31st  Here where are with Andrew drinking being a complete drunk 3 days in a row since I moved in May 28th. I noticed and I come to my room to avoid him because I all ready know this man is not gonna be able to control himself around me. So I did him the favor by staying in my room while he’s actively walking to my next door roommates room, being loud drinking offering shots. It was just such an obnoxious night. I was so uncomfortable  with him being so drunk everyday.  At this time that he was drunk  he’s welcoming himself into our room to check out how the progress is coming along, physically touching me with his hand on my shoulders, asking to borrow a screw driver multiple times, and while he borrows the screwdriver by the third time he requested it, I am laying on my bed exhausted. Just over the day. As I lay down , I am facing the door which is open, waiting for the return of my screwdriver and Chris is facing me with his back towards the door. When Andrew returns our screwdriver he silently blows an inappropriate   kiss to me and a wink and  then gestures with a piercing seductive facial expression. I was pissed off about that. This is when I knew, I have got to say something before his behavior gets worse.

 I just didn’t know how to confront him. I have not had  to confront a white man ever, so  to confront this one without any risk being taken was scary to me. It gave me anxiety just thinking about the negative ways this conversation could go. 

I ask Alyssa how should I approach him because I was scared out of my mind to confront him to make this end. I thought to take advice from Alyssa because she has known him longer and I was convinced she was a smooth talker and could guide me along the ways of what  words to use to not victimize him in any way. 

So here I am about to confront Andrew. Andrew is drunk and so drunk that swallowing my spit felt like I was swallowing a double quarter pounder whole. This moment was scary, I asked Andrew if we could talk…he says yes and grabs my shoulders invading my personal space once AGAIN! I remember the nasty smell of the alcohol on his breath I felt nauseous. I said to Andrew , I really like living here and I am kindly asking that you respect my boyfriend by not touching me anymore. I asked that there be no more ass grabbing, no more shoulder touching, no more unnecessary massages, and no more sexual gestures. He immediately denied everything. This struck me. As he denied these actions of his, I reminded him about the time in the kitchen when he seductively massaged my head…he says that was not sexual I just really like your hair he says.I wish I could have hair like you he says. That just was not the case whatsoever. So the last thing I mention before I decide to give up on this conversation , is when he blew a kiss at me behind my boyfriends back and the time he admitted to my boyfriends face how Andrew himself smacked my ass. Alyssa and Chris were both present for the conversation. As Andrew denied all claims I made and as I had witnesses no one spoke up in my defense. Not my boyfriend, and not Alyssa. Giving Andrew the opportunity to see that he was in the clear because no one spoke up when I asked them to. And this is why I did not file a police report. The only two people who were there to witness this at the time, did not defend me when he denied everything I confronted him about. I asked Chris to repeat what Andrew said to him to his face that he did to violate me. Now it is just my word against his. Against a white man, they gave him the power he needed to feel entitled to know he would not get in trouble for the sexual harassment he put me through. 

 As the  conversation turned into his favor he began putting his finger in my face suggesting that I “Daquaen Moore” just moved in three days ago and he threatened to get me out in three days. I laughed because I knew that was not possible. Joke was on him. As Chris and I go back to our room, I hear Alyssa still on the other  side of the house talking to Andrew trying to calm him down because he began making comments such as “but  Daquaen wanted to suck my dick” my boyfriend heard that and became more irate. My friend Alyssa told him he needs to chill out because that was false and inappropriate for him to suggest such a thing. I live with my boyfriend…who is unemployed as am I and we’re home everyday together. That statement is just disgusting. Especially coming from him. Because of this I asked him if he can take it easy with his drinking, from now on because now he’s getting way out of line. He says he’s sorry and starts crying all of a sudden , saying in between tears how much he loves me and wants to be friends with me and my boyfriend. I told him that we will never be friends after tonights comments. I told him he will never hear a peep out of me ever again for the lack of respect he displayed for my well being. Once I said this in HIS face as Alyssa is in between myself and Andrew he tells me “you need to back up mother fucker, or I will get my licensed gun and shoot you!” When he said this, I requested that he shoots me. I asked him to get his gun and shoot me. Alyssa says he is not gonna shoot anyone and that he does not have a gun. Whether him having a gun or not is true or false. I wanted him to knock me out of my misery or harm me so I could take THAT to the police. I was tired of his crying , irate mood swings. I just wanted physical proof to go to the cops and get him arrested. But of course that did not happen. He suggested he was calling the cops on me for harassment.. but no one ever showed up. So at this time I realized , I am sober arguing with a wasted 28 year old man. I am 23 years old. I took my ass right back to my room because I  drained myself wasting so much energy on a man who will never be truthful. Also before going back to my room I called him out for being a closeted DL man I told him he’s mad about the outcome of tonight because he did not get the pleasure to have sex with me. I insulted his entire disgusting “manhood” PROUDLY! I told him I am not stupid! This was not my first rodeo with a lying disrespectful closeted gay man who feels the need to disrespect me because I am calling him out on his secret behaviors. I told him this would not stop me from getting the justice I know I deserve! This is when he threatened to shoot me. After I demolished his manhood. 

Alyssa ask that we all stay away from each other, and I preferred it that way. All I wanted was for him to respect my wishes. My wish being to let me live here in peace without any interactions with him. I moved here to live my life not to make a family with a strange man I want nothing to ever do with. 

Now for the month of June till July 12th,  there are no verbal exchanges  from Andrew between any of us and I absolutely loved it. It was peaceful, I felt comfortable to walk out and hang in the living room. I felt great! I got to live here finally without any drama and nonsense I was so proud of Andrew for being strong enough to actually not talk to us. He showed me that having the conversation with him actually benefited my boyfriend and I. I felt safe again.

But here comes July 13th, around 3:30 in the morning. My boyfriend is in the living room speaking to his friend about a private matter and Andrew walks out telling Chris he needs to go back to his room. We do not pay rent sit in our rooms all day. None of the other roommates have an issue with us talking on the phone at all in the living room at any time of day. Only Andrew has the issue, and he thinks he can demand people to go back to their rooms because he says so, it really does to work like that.

So July 13th around 3/4 in the afternoon maybe , I see Andrew and I asked him if I can borrow two minutes of his time. He looks at me and says no, then walks away locks his door behind him and tells me to shut the fuck up and to go away. So I stood by his door and kindly let him know my boyfriend has purchased a sewing machine so I am gonna apologize to you in advance for the noise. We let him know that we will text the group chat that we will be considerate of his work schedule and the sewing machine noise since being on the phone bothered him so much. He wanted Chris to end his phone call and go back to his room because Andrew said so, but when I told him a month ago that the needs to dial it down with his drinking due to him sexually harassing me he couldn’t oblige. That makes no sense to me. So we move on with our day, I did what I needed to do. Christopher and I are having a great time playing mortal combat, Chris pours me a cup of sangria at around 9:15, maybe 9:20 the latest. We continue to play video games as I drank my wine and my cup is almost empty. At 10:49 ,10:50 in the evening, I asked Chris to get me another cup of wine, and he went to grab me some. Chris comes back pissed off, requesting that I get up right now and “come look at this”… here is what I came to the kitchen to see as my heart pounded harder and harder the closer I got into the kitchen. 

This Sangria looks green and sud like. Here’s a picture of what the wine looked like in my empty cup, and picture of what the Bottle actually looked like before bleach was poured into my wine. 

Also, The other two roommates saw that Andrew or a  mysterious person had also put blue toilet pods in their britaa . Here is a picture of that. 

That is suppose to be clear. 

When I opened my Sangria THE BLEACH SCENT WAS SO STRONG, you’d thing that we were cleaning the entire living room with bleach! I was PISSED with Andrew, he was the only suspect. Kent did not do this, Alyssa did not do this, and Chris and I definitely did not do this. Andrew was the only one who could not face us to explain what is going on with this life threatening poison. So I took it upon myself to knock on his door for answers he told me to fuck off, or maybe go away. But the point is he dismissed me and informed me HE IS RECORDING THIS. While I was pissed off that SOMEONE poured bleach into my wine to kill me thinking I was drunk, and I knock on Kents and Andrews doors for answers because I know my friend Alyssa and my boyfriend Chris did not do this, Andrew is letting me know he is recording…what was he recording??? Why were you all ready recording me before I even knocked on your door for an explanation? So because I had an idea that this suspicious man was feeling guilty wanting to record my reaction. I gave him what he was looking for and I poured the bleached sangria out all over his door onto the floor to show him I am still ALIVE! And I knew what he had done. He called the cops on myself and Chris for banging on his door for answers, we wanted him to face us like a man. But he could not face us!!! Chris and I go to Andrews window from the outside to let him know he was NOT getting away with  murder again! Chris tells him if we have to fight we can fight to get over this. Andrew takes him up on the offer to fight like a man from the inside of his room. Instead of coming out to fight with his hands, he sprints at my boyfriend and I with a weapon, it could have definitely  been a gun, possibly a knife. But all we knew was he came out to end our lives and we ran to save our lives! Then The cops come for his defense. The cops did not introduce themselves, they did not have mask on and they did not listen to what our statements were. They came looking for Andrew , we told them he tried to kill us all showing the proof I walked up to the officer with the sangria bottle asking him to smell this bottle. He declines my suggestion rudely by saying “ I am not smelling that” these white cops looked at my boyfriend and I up and down as if we were some dirty scumbags from the street. Instead of serving us they asked us if asking him to leave us alone will make us feel better. We frustratedly expressed that is not enough! The officer said alright hold on, let me talk to Andrew stay right here. Half an hour later Chris goes out to check all corners of the house for the cops… no one is to be found. I left my landlord tons of text and calls expressing my concern for the safety of my life. The police were no help, the landlord was no help, Chris, Alyssa , and I stayed up till 6am when we knew Andrew would be gone to feel like we can finally go to sleep! The landlord and I finally spoke, and he tells me we need to find somewhere else to stay. Kent sends us text in a group chat that someone or people need to leave and that it won’t be him. We all know who the problem is here and it is sad that no one could do anything about this man. Also in the middle of the night “someone” goes to pour paint on someone’s car outside. On a ring camera they see Andrew outside of this car that has the paint on it. Not only this 5 am or 6 am cops are questioning us about the car with paint on it because Andrew AGAIN called the cops on us and accused myself, Alyssa and Chris for doing so. He also accused us of moving a ping pong table. I do not understand how he was able to pul this off.  We have no reason to do this and we would NEVER damage someones car knowing it was not Andrews. Andrew doesn’t drive he rides a bike. If it was Andrews car I would have love to damage his vehicle for trying to kill my boyfriend and I. The cops and the landlord said they did not care about the bleach in the wine, they did not care about the toilet pods in the brita. All the cops and the landlord were concerned about was the car with paint on it that shows Andrew out there next to it in the middle of the night. Chris, Alyssa and I were all home in our rooms when Andrew was spotted on camera. When the cops came, at 5/6 in the morning I was suffering from a horrible case of anxiety that I felt I wasn’t gonna make it if I had gone to sleep. This is not okay. I am not being protected. I’m afraid for the well being of my life, my boyfriends life and my roommates lives.