#and i’m so tired of most of you villainising her

[katlandry]

I just think at least 95% of you shouldn’t be allowed to speak on Nancy Wheeler

[14thgalerie]

25 — part 2

• pairing: james potter x reader

• now playing: it's a long way to happiness by alban claudin / visions of gideon by sufjan stevens

• word count: 4.7k. 

• genre: angst

  — this didn't really come out how i wanted it to and i haven't proofread this, so excuse me if it's all a jumbled mess of words. but anyways here's the ending that my angsty brain came up with.

edit: changed the other woman’s name to a random one as it felt wrong to somewhat villainise Lily in this story because i love her so much

part 1 part 3/alt. ending

“Do you love her, James?”

He quite clearly remembers that morning, how could he not when it played like a movie on his mind, making his chest tighten uncomfortably? It was your typical Sunday morning, he had the day off from the Order after a tiring long week of endless missions. He was just sitting by the dining table, switching his eyes from the window and back to watching you as you fixed up your lunch. 

His eyes were set outside when he heard you ask, a tight hold suddenly capturing his throat in its grasp, making him unable to breathe. You didn’t sound upset, your voice still as soft as if you had just asked your husband how his work had been. But hearing his name…he knew different. You had been his wife for the past four years— ten since he first called you his. Even before you had never called him by that, always by Love or some other endearment you came up with.

He forced his eyes to catch your wavering eyes, unsure if he would be able to stand what he would see. Afraid that he would crumble beneath the ground if he saw what he always prayed he would never see in them, lest caused by him. 

You did well, hiding it from him. Though your eyes were trained upon his, they were blank, absentminded, as you played with the gold ring on your ring finger. The one that matched his, the one he shakingly placed promising forever four years ago, afraid to let it slip from his grasp and embarrass himself in front of you. The two sat in silence for what seemed like forever, before you dropped your head down to your chest. Allowing James to breathe a heavy exhale.

He was about to say something, to come up with whatever response his mouth could muster when you looked back up. Your cheeks glowed as you stared at him, tinted red, similar to the pair above. You were still the most beautiful sight even as tears lined your face, he could not say the same for himself.

“I understand. I’m fine.”

You offered him a smile, one that he couldn’t appreciate like the ones before because he knew it was all forced, not how he wanted it to be.

He knew you weren't fine, how could you be?

He had been painfully aware of this for several nights already, weeks even. How could he not when from the corner of his eyes, he sees you hesitatingly glance every time the phone rings? When you rush to wash your face in the washroom just by the living room and stay there for a minute or two. When he forgets to take a shower or spell the perfume away. 

How could he not when he feels the small rustle of the sheets as you move away from him ever so slightly until he wakes to find you almost about to fall from the bed, stains on your cheeks that he, himself, wipes away, pretending he doesn’t know the reason why. Trying to fool himself into believing that he would still have you in the end, refusing to accept that was the one thing you would never let pass.

He wonders often for how long you would entertain this play but never had he voiced it out because he was afraid. 

“You should go to her. I'll take care of all of it.”

“What are you going on about darling?” He finally spoke, though he still kept up that act of his, hoping that by some divine intervention, you were talking about something else. He remembered how the corners of your lips raised in faux amusement. He waited for you to respond. 

But you let him wait, had it been an hour since or had it only been seconds, he doesn’t know. You turned the gas stove off when you heard the whistle of the kettle. Leaning back on the counter table. You were quiet, so, so quiet, a stark contrast to how you normally were. He observed every minute movement, from the rise of your chest to the drumming of your fingers against your waist as you wrapped your arms around yourself.

He doesn’t understand. 

How could you appear so calm and collected? As if you weren’t telling him to choose the other, to leave you in your loneliness in this quaint, cosy house of yours. As if you hadn’t just told him that any day from now on, he would have to wait in apprehension for the papers.

“You know what I mean, love. Let’s not let this go on for any longer than it should be. With everything going on right now, I don’t want to add to the stress. Go to her, marry her even, nobody has an idea of what our tomorrow will be so I want you to spend it where you are happiest.”

He still remembers looking at you that day, only just then noting how fragile you had become. Your once so vibrant glow had diminished leaving you muted underneath one of the sweatshirts you’ve stolen from him. He was afraid that if he even hovered over your body, you would crumble and vanish from his sight.

“James.”

He didn’t realise that you moved from your place and now stood in front of him, staring down at him, still with that loving gaze of yours. He felt the soft, gentle glide of your fingers as it hovered over the curves of his face. He leaned and followed the movement, instinctively resting his face on your hands. Clutching your wrists in his, afraid that they would slip away to a place where he cannot reach.

Even now as he sits alone in the bed where he has spent his days, drowning in the consequences of his actions, he could still feel the ghost of your touch. The bed where he wallowed in grief after having followed your wish to leave but never to the other woman.

“I can’t.” He replies finally. “I won’t.”

“Why not?” You asked him with that patient tone of yours as you would whenever he broke down in tears to you.

“I belong here with you. Nowhere else.” He shakes his head.

“Then why does she call asking for you?” 

The raven-headed woman called just a few hours earlier, without his knowledge. She had gone straight to talking, expecting that the receiver had been your husband. You had dropped the call, unable to hear any more confirmation of your husband’s affair from the woman herself.

“I’m sorry.” He exhales, the words barely audible. Taking his arms and wrapped it around your body tightly, afraid that you would slip from him. Afraid that this would be the last he could hold you closely to him. 

As he tightly closed his eyes and burrowed his head against your stomach, he couldn’t help the flurry of emotions that waved over him. A memory for every night he found himself in the arms of another.

When you said yes to a date with him after countless teasing from his friends,

When you first said "I love you,"

When you first introduced him to your family,

When he proposed to you,

The day you married, and, of course, the beginning of it all,

When he rushed to save you when he was just a weak child.

“I-I’m sorry. I know it’s hard to believe, but it was all a mistake. I just…Don’t leave me alone please.”

Warm droplets escaped James' sunken eyes. “I’m sorry.” That was all he could do. Apologise. He couldn’t say he didn’t do it because that was a lie. Air could not enter his lungs as he felt suffocated by the amount of pain that drowned him. 

You leaned and hugged the hysterical man, rubbing his back in an attempt to comfort him despite the raging emotions that waved through you. Taking your hands, you pulled his head away from your body, much harder than it might have sounded as he was tight against you.

You stared at his red face for a second, his eyes were shut, before dipping your head and placing a kiss on his forehead. When he felt the soft flesh of your lips make contact on his skin, he couldn’t help the sobs that wracked over him. Feeling that no matter what he said now, this would be the last he would feel that same tenderness from the one he loves. The kiss lingered for a few moments, your thumb caressing his cheeks as you were both in the middle of your kitchen, the world outside, unaware of what was happening to the crazily in-love Potters.

“I love you.”

You spoke against his forehead, barely above a whisper but his ears still picked up the three words that he held so dearly. And forcibly, he felt his grip on you loosen as you pushed them away. The cold breeze from the open window seemed to mock him, that this warmth he craved would never protect him from the cold ever again.

The sight of you as you walked further and further away from him that night haunted him for days and weeks. For the rest of his days.

Amid the darkness lies James, his fingers gripping the sheets of the pillowcase against his face. He lies so still, anyone that would walk in would think the man has died in his sleep. There, James lies, taking deep breaths until his head whips around at the creak of the floorboard outside his room.

“Prongs? I saved you a plate from dinner on the table if you get hungry.” He hears Remus on the other side, washing away the light that briefly popped up in him.

“I gotta go on a mission, I’ll be gone for about two days. But Sirius and Frank will be free this week, I think. So, don’t miss me too much.”

James watches as Remus’ shadow lingers from the tiny space between the door and the floor. When he doesn’t respond, he sees the dark figure leave. He feels horrible, ignoring the boys. They had moved in to accompany him shortly after you had left, staying in the guest rooms that the both of you had prepared specifically for them to stay in. But he could not find it in him to even utter a reply or show any sign of life when he didn’t even feel alive.

When he hears the footsteps slowly fade, he rolls over to the side, staring at the tattered shirt that sits beside the pillow he had just dropped. 

He sat up, grabbing the two as he went. He pulls the shirt over the pillow before hugging it close to him. Shifting to sit comfortably on the edge of the bed, he could almost hear the steady beat of your heart and the low hum of an unfamiliar song that he always forgets the title of. It’s been a month already since that day. However, for him, it felt like years already, cliche as it may sound.

The house had been emptied of you, save for a few things that you’ve decided to leave behind like the shirt he’s pathetically hugging right now. His mind still reeling from the events that occurred, only after everything had he realised what just happened. Everything had seemed to play as if on slow-mo back then.

Now, time has slowed down and restrained all of his thoughts to only you. Trapping him in this endless void where only the painful hurt dominated every sensation in his body. Memories of the nights before that dreadful day flash before his eyes, leaving him in excruciating pain. That look of defeat in your eyes, he knew. He knew that even if he tried, even if he cried enough to fill the whole Pacific Ocean, even if he finally agreed to leave this world and live with you in peace by the countryside. You would always remember the damage he had done.

Your father had done the same to your mother, he remembers. You swore that if anyone ever would do the same to you, you would give them no second chance even if you loved them so deeply, you told James exactly that— he doesn’t know exactly why he still did it with that knowledge. But he knows that he’s given you tremendous pain that would forever be imprinted in your memories and the only way he could have fixed it was to suffer the same.

His rumination was interrupted by the heavy knocks that rained on the front door. He waited for someone in the house to answer the door, not in the mood to do it. For a minute, the knocks continued, until he got annoyed by the rattle of the door already and stood. 

“Alright, I’m coming! You don’t have to bash our door in, bloody hell!” He huffs, wondering where the others had gone. He thought only Remus had a mission that day.

Stomping down the stairs, he sighed in relief when he heard the incessant knocking finally stop. When he comes to the door, he finds nobody waiting and confusingly looks around before from the corner of his eyes, he sees a manila envelope on their porch. 

James feels a heavy weight block his throat, similar to the one he felt that Sunday morning. Without even picking it up, he already knew what kind of papers awaited him inside that envelope. Every part of him went on an agonising pause, his feet remaining rooted to the hardwood floors— paralyzed, unmoving. He knew that this day would somehow arrive, but he didn’t think that it would be this fast, nor throw him deeper into the darkness where the faint light slowly fades with every day.

He lets out a shaky exhale, before dropping to pick up the envelope. Absentmindedly ripping open the package as he sat down on the bench just beside the door. As he sees the white surface of the paper, he hesitates, not sure if he really should be doing this right now. Will he sign away your marriage without even a fight?

As he pulls them out, he finds a tiny folded paper fall on his lap, catching his attention. 

‘Hi Lo, 

Sorry this took quite a while, I had no idea the process would take that long. Well, to be honest, how would I know? Every documentation we had, you managed on your own. I really hate this type of thing, but oh well, I guess I had to learn somehow. Oh, blimey, I’m rambling again! Anyways, here’s everything that they told me to give you. Meetings regarding our properties and all will be arranged some day this week, but I’ve arranged to have it at our my house so less risk with the war still going on y’know. I’ll call you so let me know when you’re free.

Take care! 

Y/N Y/LN’

The paper crumbles under his trembling hands, falling once again to James’ lap as he pushes his palms against his eyes. 

Ten years later, he had ruined the dream he already had in his hands. 

“Darling?”

The sound made him cringe, it was the one word that he had been desperately wishing to hear but not with that annoying voice that scratched at his brain the wrong way. Only reminding him of his mistakes more, he thinks to himself, ‘How did that voice even appeal to me?’

“James?” It opens its mouth again, making him curl his fingers around his hair, clutching it in annoyance. “Are you alright?”

“Do I look alright to you?” He spits out.

The woman flinches with the harsh stare that he snaps at her, unexpecting that sort of treatment from the person who had willingly approached her then.

“I- No, not really.”

“So why then, are you asking such a stupid question?” He cuts her off before she can even let out a breath, “Hell, what are you even doing here?”

“You hadn’t called me back once, I’ve left you so many since the last time we met. I just got worried…” Jane hesitates, unsure if she should continue. “I also heard about what happened to you and Y/N.”

She waits for him to respond, to which he never grants.

“I heard she approved of us. I thought that maybe we could be official now?”

“No.”

“What?”

“I never wanted more from what we had, Bell.” Jane felt her heart crumble under her feet at how James went back to calling her by her last name. “Fucking hell, I don’t even know why I ever approached you then.”

If Jane thought that was the heartbreak she just felt then, this had just served numerous stabs into her beating heart.

“I don’t understand, you said that we would-“

“When did I ever say that?” He replies, still with that spiteful look in his eyes. “We did it then I left, that was it.”

“I-“

“I never loved anyone as I loved my wife. I have been stupid as a child, even now as I made the choice to hurt her. I made stupid decisions that as much as I didn’t want it to, hurt a lot of people. Right now, I know that this is hurting you but in all honesty, I could hardly care.”

Jane could only stare at him as the tears welled up in the corner of her eyes.

“I can’t find it in me to care about anything or anyone else after her. I loved her so much, I still do. I don’t think that will ever mellow in the years to come. I’m sorry that you became involved in this mess, I never wished this on you, you just happened to be there and-“

James lets out a shaky breath, only realising he had not taken one this whole time he laid out his heart to the woman he shared his fault with. 

“I hate myself.”

His eyes drift away from hers and towards the papers that now sit beside him.

“I hate how I’m this selfish bastard. I hate how even as my wife slowly breaks apart, she still puts me first and still makes the biggest decision because she wants me to be happy even though the one place I ever felt was with her.

I hate how you became involved, I just hope that you don’t blame yourself or anything because even if I say I don’t care for your feelings right now, I never blamed you. I made the decision to do this, I’m the only one to blame for the hurt I’ve caused my love.”

He pauses for a long while. Only the rustle of the leaves down the streets could be heard along with the harsh breeze of the wind.

“I’m sorry, Jane.”

James stands, turning in his heel to go back inside to wallow in his grief again.

“Mate, that’s enough.” Sirius could not believe that he would hear those words from his own mouth but with how his best friend has been, he could not let this continue. He attempts to take away the bottle that the bespectacled man stole from the kitchen. “You’re acting like a 16-year-old kid. Give that to me, I’m getting tired.”

Alcohol had become the only way for James to numb the pain that invaded him. It was the only remedy that his mind could muster to avoid the inevitable stress of the months to come. The burning feeling in his throat as the whiskey grazed down his throat felt like a thousand razor blades. 

“Well, the only person who could stop this child doesn’t want to do it anymore, so you’ve got no choice.” Sirius solemnly stares at the lazy, empty smile that his friend flashes at him. “Do you think she’ll be happy when she sees you like this? She’s just in the next room.”

James’ grip on the bottle tightens at the reminder of how close she is to him yet so far. A reminder of how he’s been dragging the process of signing the papers, still an inkling of hope in him that she would realise that he was truly sorry for his mistake.

“Pads..”

“Yes?”

“Do you think she’ll be happy?”

Sirius knew what he meant even as the question posed to be vague. He felt a punch in his gut for how fast the answer came to him, but he knew that the man needed to hear the words that bore no sake of protecting his feelings. He saw how your vibrant and colourful self withered into such a sad pathetic remembrance of how you once were. And how after you left James, slowly but progressively came back. 

It would never be the same as it was before, he knew that nothing ever brought you as much joy as James did. The two of you were undeniably destined for one another, a pair that you could never get tired of no matter how annoying they might get. But right now…

He also knew that for not only you but also James, to individually grow back to how you once were…

“Yes.”

It would have to go back to how it was in the beginning before you even knew the other existed.

“Thank you.” James knew that Sirius was right. Letting you go was only a small act for what pain and sacrifice he put you through for several weeks. 

“Hi.”

James hadn’t expected to see you as he escaped the festivities for a moment of silence. He hoped that the crashing gentle waves of the water and night light would be his only accompaniment but this was much better.

“Hey there, got tired of Sirius’ voice?” You joked, chuckling under your breath. In turn, James lets out an amused exhale before taking a seat beside you on the white sand.

“I think my ears are bleeding actually, can you check?” The sound of your laughter makes his heart tighten in a way that it hadn’t for the past three months. Now it felt somewhat nice, like he couldn’t get enough, and he was willing to drown himself in the cold waters if it meant he could hear it once more.

“Hmmm,” You check his ears, “You’re all good, Mr. Potter.”

You stare up at the sky. The night sky hangs overhead in hues of black and blue. You decide to keep your mouth shut, letting silence envelop the air surrounding the both of you. Keeping your eyes straightforward, flickering to the side every once in a while. After some time, you felt the feeling of being watched prickle on your skin. Only by moving your eyes, you catch the curly-haired eyes on you with a soft expression painted on his face. His eyes catch onto yours and hold them for a moment. 

You lean back on your arms, “It’s weird huh?”

“What is?”

“Moony and Pads finally getting married after so long.”

“Yeah, it feels nice to see how they ended up together in the end. God, I can’t even imagine how many times Moons denied his feelings. I was this close to ripping my hair off watching them wallow.” He reminisces

“Can’t believe how it only took that girl from the pub kissing Sirius for Remus to finally make a move.” You chuckle at the memory, “Now we’re here.”

James felt like the both of you were back to how you once were like everything that happened in the past three months was just a fever dream and you’re here to prove that. You kept on reminiscing about your memories with your two best friends. He remembered how Sirius almost passed out crying when they first saw Remus in the hospital wing. When the latter was the first to ask how Sirius was after he ran away from his house. The two of you laughed and giggled with every memory that came to mind.

At some point, a comfortable silence swept over you two. Only the sounds of the beach during the night and the chatter of the people inside the venue were heard until silence also ensued inside. His ears perked up, wondering why until he finally heard a slow song start to play and realised that the two must finally be having their dance.

“Can I ask you for something?” James breaks the silence, playing with the hem of his button-up polo. He continued with your nod, “Dance with me.”

He stands, extending his arms towards you. 

“One last dance, Mrs. Potter.”

You take his hands and press a gentle kiss to his knuckles, the cool metal of his gold ring grazing her cheeks as they cup her cheeks. James sucked in a shaky breath as you pressed your forehead against his, pulling it down to your level, breathing in your scent, locking it in his memory.

“Alright then, Mr. Potter.”

The next afternoon, arriving home after the lengthy travel from the wedding, did you only see the manila envelope that sits atop your clothes. It came with a small note written in familiar strokes that you would recognize even if your eyes were closed.

‘I’ve signed them already, I’ve postponed them for too long already. Thank you for letting me have that last dance tonight, darling. I’ll see you then.’

Time flew fast for James. One minute, he was still holding you in his arms as the grainy sand stuck to his feet, the next he was standing in front of 12 Grimmauld Place, minutes after Dumbledore had declared the end of your marriage. You had asked the man for a favour to help you process the lengthy and troublesome. Knowing that going to the court would give you the attraction that you would rather not have on the both of you now that you are all in hiding.

“James.” You call him. “Uhm, before you go, I just wanted to thank you… for letting me have this with no problem and also, of course, for letting me have the chance to love you and letting me experience the love that only James Potter can give.”

“Y/N.. I hardly think that was the greatest experience.” 

“No, it wasn’t. We wouldn’t be here if it was. But, I would be the greatest liar on the face of the earth if I deny the fact that you were the greatest love that anyone could ever have, annoying as you might have been at times,” She giggles. “But, I’ve never felt more secure and sure of someone as I had with you, and to be honest with you? I thought of giving you a chance, as much as it contradicted what I told you back when we first started dating.”

His breath hitches at the confession, his mind going into a haze, wondering if he pushed more, then you might have given him that chance.

“Why didn’t you?” He asks. 

“I somewhat did. I waited for you to explain, to tell me yourself. I thought to myself, ‘If he tells me, I might think about forgiving him’, but I would have given you a hard time. But you didn’t, so I scratched that thought.”

“Y/N…” He trails off, “You just broke my heart even more. But well it’s all done now. It’s all been settled and we’re officially back to being single. It feels weird, it’s like for so long, you’ve been there next to me, and now you won’t be.”

“It does. James…?” 

“Hmm?”

“If ever you find someone to love again, promise me that you won’t make the same mistake again.’

“If only you promised me to find someone who would love you just as I did, minus the thing of course.” He replies.

You nod, making him smile a little. Even if it wasn’t by his side, he would be content with the idea that you were happy, in love or not. For the last time, he comes close to you and presses a kiss on your forehead and down to your lips. He could taste the salty tears that cascaded on not only his cheeks but yours also. 

For the last time, you murmur against his lips. “I love you, Prongs, always and forever.”

James was 25 when the person he loved walked away from him and he could do nothing but smile in hopes that they would find happiness wherever and whatever they do. Breaking his last promise to you as he knew that…

Even as you’re millions of miles away from him or just on the next block, he would hold a piece of you in that hole in his heart everywhere he goes, and in everything he will do.

masterlist

[darkdevasofdestruction]

I’m Weak Too... ~ Bakugou Katsuki

Everyone who knew Bakugou Katsuki had tons of mixed opinions of him - Some thought he was rude, others that he was condescending or patronising, or even conceited and narcissistic, which wasn’t helped by how short-tempered and aggressive he usually was with everyone...But there was one thing that nobody could deny, and that was that his wit and strength were superior to most of the people his age, which is why he was ranked #1 in the U.A. Academy Entrance Exam, and got himself in class 1-A.

Bakugou Katsuki was a child prodigy.

But nobody ever cared enough to find out how he became this way, nor if he is alright.

Nobody saw how much Bakugou Katsuki was hurting, or maybe they were too afraid to even acknowledge that he was capable of feeling anything other than pride and lack of mercy for anyone who even us much as irritated him a little bit.

The only person who was stuck by his side like a parasite was that annoying Quirkless Deku, who was nothing more than a crybaby pest who managed to get himself a Quirk and through nothing more than sheer dumb luck, got in the same class as him.

How stupid.

There was however, another person in that class, who would always go out of their way to ask if he’s okay, would tell him dumb jokes or funny pick up lines, to try and get him to smile, and for the rest of the class, the actions of L/N Y/N were absolutely bouffonic, and she was writing herself a death sentence.

L/N Y/N was a bit of an odd one, someone that nobody could quite pinpoint...

She was strong, but she also wasn’t. She was smart, but she also wasn’t. She was popular, but she also wasn’t. She was sociable, but she also wasn’t.

L/N Y/N was nothing more than a walking, living, breathing paradox...

She was aloof, yet down to earth. She was goofy, yet serious. She was outgoing, yet timid. She was...

Hell knows what she was.

But Bakugou Katsuki knows what she is.

She is annoying as hell.

He had no idea how she got in 1-A through recommendation, like that stupid Half’n’Half, or that stupid rich, smart girl.

She wasn’t as smart as other adults made her out to be, nor was she brilliantly strong. She wasn’t diligent, not hardworking, and she never bothered to get good grades in tests and exams...And even her Quirk seemed not too cooperate most of the time.

She almost seemed as Enigmatic and weirdly personal with Aizawa, as Quirkless Deku is with All Might...And the fact that there may be more than meets the eye with this airhead really pissed him off.

She was an Enigma that nobody could unveil, much like a grey butterfly.

That’s why, during the USJ attack, was completely taken aback to see her going out of her way to kill the minor villains attacking their homeroom teacher...And then more...He was her attacking the blue haired freak, then getting completely smashed by that Nomu monster when she tried to push Aizawa out of the way of harm, and then, when he thought she was dead, she used her Fire Quirk to save Frog girl, Grape boy and Deku.

That was the first time he ever noticed her strength...That she wasn’t as innocent and frail as she wanted others to think she was.

She made her facade completely crumble...At least for him.

Seeing how she managed to get up and use her Quirk to empower All Might’s strength, as she ran solely on pure anger and adrenaline...She was running on pure spite and revenge...

It pissed Bakugou Katsuki so much realising that some stupid Extra like her managed to get so much action, helping the teachers where it was actually needed, willing to throw away her physical body to do what was right...

While all he did was beat up 2-3 villains from some burning, collapsing building.

How pitiful this Bakugou Katsuki was if he was being bested by some no name like her.

No...This had to be a mistake.

She got in that state because she was reckless, powerless, tactless.

If that was him, he wouldn’t have ended up in a hospital, burnt and broken, more dead than alive.

Then again, so did Aizawa, and he couldn’t say he was weak...

The few next days, L/N Y/N came to school, bandaged and with crutches, and she was behaving like the idiot she always was.

Clueless, clumsy, stupid, naive...

Bakugou Katsuki realised he had some sort of proper competition in her, not only in Quirkless Deku and Icy Hot...And he was more than pissed when he saw how lame she was being.

Why the hell was she hiding her potential?!

But then, the Sports Festival came...

And she was #1 in the first round.

And then, she paired up with him, and together, managed to get #1 in the second round as well.

Bakugou Katsuki analysed her every move, every step, every blink, and he realised that, compared to the USJ incident, she was barely using her Quirk. Going by the state Aizawa was in, he could only question the reason why she wouldn’t just sit back and properly heal and rest her injuries.

Maybe she was restless? Maybe she had something to prove?

But she couldn’t possibly take away the #1 spot from him, that’s for sure.

It was the semi finals...And he had to fight her. 

He almost felt...Guilty, when he realised he’d have to fight a girl in recovery. He almost felt like a villain.

That is, until he started walking down the Stadium, to go on the field, and he noticed her there, leaning on the wall...

Waiting for him.

With a coy smirk on her face...Yet her face looked serene and aloof.

“Yooo, ‘Tsuki, ‘sup?” she chuckled, seeing his tensed expression. “Don’t speak to me so familiarly.” he grunted, stepping in front of her. “Sorry, sorry. I just wanted to ask you a question. Won’t take more than a minute, but just hear me out.” she grinned at him carelessly. “Whadya want?” Bakugou Katsuki asked, crossing his arms. “I wanted to ask you what would you want me to do - Forfeit, or fight you.” L/N Y/N asked, but before she could explain, she got picked up by the neck of her blouse and pinned to the wall. “WHAT THE HELL IS THAT QUESTION?! ARE YOU MOCKING ME, YOU STUPID EXTRA?!” he growled at her like an angry lion. “No, no, goodness, nothing like that. It’s just...I know you want to be #1, and with me being in the state that I am, I won’t prove to be much of a challenge to you, and that’s why I wanted to know what you wanted me to do. That, and...I wanted to make sure your arms were okay.” she ended in a softer tone, putting her gentle hands over his wrists, as a way to get him to put her down. “...My arms? Why wouldn’t they be okay?! What are you on?” he stepped back, giving her a look of shock and almost concern. “I saw you rubbing your arms earlier. It means you must have been overusing your Quirk, right? That’s not a good sign for your health...Saying from experience.” she chuckled softly, angering Bakugou Katsuki even more. “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU ON ABOUT?! You’re gonna go there and fight me with all you’ve got, even if it kills you, got it?! GOT IT?!” he yelled at her, making her grin wider before walking towards the stage.  “Very well, then don’t hold back, ‘Tsuki. I can’t promise you the dream fight you deserve, but I will do my best.” was the only proper conversation they’ve had since they started their education at U.A...

And he did just as she said.

He fought her with every little bit of power he had in his body, fighting her as if she was back in USJ, showing off her strength for the first time.

He wasn’t wasn’t used to fighting against a fire user like her, as Todoroki never used his other half, for God knows what reasons...

And Bakugou Katsuki was forced to admit, to himself, at least, that she was indeed the strongest person he ever fought so far...And he could only imagine what it would be like, were she not impaired by her wounds.

He started noticing her arms getting burns on her skin, gradually, like spirals going up from her fingers, to her hands, forearms and arms... And then it continued up her torso, visible as she was wearing a crop top, and her jacket was unzipped...And then, her neck and face had burn stripes...

She was doing everything she could...

For his sake.

One of his explosions managed to propel both of them on the opposite ends of the field, and she was on the ground, laying, seemingly helplessly, which is when the people watching started to boo him, to shun him, to call him a villain.

He looked around him, seeing the angry, hateful glares of those watching him...He felt cornered, afraid...His heart was small, hating to be scolded or to have others disapprove of him...

But more than anything, he felt confused.

Didn’t everyone love a strong hero...?

Katsuki seemed to almost fall down into a spiral, until he heard a voice angrily shouting, her voice echoing everywhere... And it was angry, just as it was back in USJ.

“WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, PEOPLE?! You call yourselves Pro-Heroes? PRO-HEROES MY ASS! You’re SHIT! Go and look for another job, this ain’t for ya! You’re seriously calling Bakugou Katsuki a villain, of all thing, when his greatest ambition is to be an amazing Hero for everyone?! REALLY?! You dare call yourselves Pro-Heroes, but you don’t respect Bakugou Katsuki for acknowledging my strength, for respecting me, and fighting me like his equal? HOW IS THAT A VILLAIN, are you brainwashed or something?!” she yelled at the top of her lungs, as she managed to get up once again, resting her hands on her knees, and panting after each sentence, as she was obviously tiring herself out. “Thank you for fighting me fair and square, ‘Tsuki. I won’t forget that.” she nodded at him, smiling weakly.

Was she...Defending him...In front of everyone...?

What the hell was she doing?

Katsuki was so confused...

Why would she do something like this...?

He was so used to being villainised by everyone for following his ambitions...And now...Someone was praising and defending him...For being himself?

This image in front of him...This Y/N in front of him...

This was the same Y/N that got up out of spite, her only fuel being anger and justice.

This is Y/N...The only person that personally inspired him.

She wasn’t just some stupid extra, and nor was she the lameass facade she had for everyone.

This is the real Y/N.

They started fighting again, as Bakugou Katsuki was yelling at her to keep up with him, to fight him all she’s got, and his drive matched hers completely...

Until she started jumping on the flying debris caused by the explosions, and her legs gave out from over-exhaustion and pain, which caused her to lose balance and fall in front of him, deactivating her Quirk for just a split second-

Which was enough for him to unintentionally blast her out of the borders of the stage.

His eyes were wide with shock and fear, he didn’t mean to do it, she deactivated her Quirk in the second that he activated his.

His wide, crimson eyes were unfocused, as he could only stare at the hand that blasted her away, the only thing that kept swimming in his head being the soft smile that she had on her face as she was sent flying away.

It was almost as if she knew he didn’t mean it, and she wanted to reassure him.

What the hell is wrong with this girl...?

“I-I’m...Okay...!” her voice brought him back to reality as he saw her small form, far, far away from him, looking almost like an ant, sitting on the grass, a weak grin on her face, her thumb up in the sky, reassuring everyone...No, she was reassuring him...

She was okay.

And he shouldn’t blame himself for worsening her injuries.

For the rest of the day, his mind was filled only with thoughts of that girl...That annoying Y/N who was playing so much with his mind and heart.

What was so special about her that made him go crazy like this?!

Because, as soon as they got back to school, and she looked like a mummy from all the bandages, she was back to her stupidly annoying self...Facade, rather.

What the hell is wrong with her...?

Not to mention, she intentionally came out with a stupid hero name, so Midnight would refuse to let her choose it, so she’ll get off the hook.

Days passed...Weeks passed...

And Bakugou Katsuki was still analysing every little thing L/N Y/N did, but no matter what happend, there was no trace of the Y/N from both times...

She was smarter than she wanted to let others see, that much was obvious.

And then, came that dreadful night...Where 1-A and 1-B were made to go on some kind of training camp...And they were attacked by villains.

They fought and fought, but Bakugou Katsuki was captured and brought to the Villains’ lair.

But...Next to him...On the chair next to him...With the same arm restraints he had...

Was her. 

L/N Y/N.

With the same ridiculously stupid smile on her face.

First, there was only this burnt guy, Dabi, and he seemed to have a fun chemistry with the girl, which confused Katsuki so much.

Why was she so friendly with villains?!

“Yooo, what’s yo’ name? I’m Y/N, nice to meet you.” she lifted her arms slightly, as a way to greet him, with an ever so cheerful dumb grin. “Dabi, pleasure’s all mine.” Dabi’s smirk was as aloof as hers was, no wonder they kicked off so well. “Can you show me your Quirk again? I’ve always had a thing for Fire Boys...And Blue. Y’know, being a Fire Girl myself...And Blue and Red makes for a pretty Lavender, dontcha think?” she leaned back, trying to get herself comfortable. “You want me to entertain you, Fire Girl? Well, I guess you earned it. You put up quite the fight in front of everyone else.” he gave her a low chuckle, as he extended his hand towards her, upwards, making a fireball in his hands. “Ehhh, that’s such a beautiful colour...Mine is so usual. I’m so jealous of you, y’know? You can burn people alive without a second thought. I can’t. Red and Yellow fire will never be as...Hot...As your Blue fire.” she giggled at her playful attempt at flirting. “A hero flirting with a villain...Isn’t that interesting?” he smirked, leaning back on the table behind him. “Hero? Me? Hah, don’t make me laugh. Heroes...What the hell is a true hero, anyway? This world...This society...Is nothing more than a farce. A fake. Everything is nothing more than a facade, and everyone wants to live in it and continue lying to themselves.” she gave him a dry laugh, which made Katsuki’s head shoot up, staring at her in shock. “Interesting...And intriguing...And yet, you’re in U.A...I wonder why.” he tilted his head to the side, almost questioningly. “Why...? Take a better look at my hair. The tips are on fire. Does it look to you that I have a proper grasp on my Quirk? Nope. So there you have it, I got in to learn how to control my power...And hopefully, not cause my sister permanent burns...Again.” she looked away with a self-deprecatory look.

Sister...?

Since when did she have a sister? She never mentioned a sister before-

No, actually, she never talked about her family. Ever.

She’s an Engima, wrapped in mystery and shadows.

“Awww, toots has a sister, isn’t that adorable. If you ask me, the fire tips give a boost to your charm.” he tried to say, but he was interrupted mid-way by a loud door slam, as a blond girl got inside. “Ahh, Dabi, you got here before me!” the girl gasped, as she skipped in front of the two prisoners. “I’m Toga Himiko, nice to meet you!” she grinned at them, with a blush painting her cheeks. “Himiko? My, you have such a pretty name! I’m L/N Y/N, nice to meet you as well! I’m hug you or something, but, uh...I’m being a bit...Restrained.” she winked at the girl as she made that bad pun. “Hahaha, she’s a fun one! Wanna be my best friend? You’re so cute!” Himiko started gushing over the girl, who blushed softly. “Best friend? I’ve never had a best friend! Yes, I’d love that, Himiko! We can gossip about others, and talk about boys!” the girl was being enthusiastic, almost vibing in that chair. “And we can do each other’s make up, hair and nails! Oh, oh, and we can go shopping!” Himiko was literally bouncing up and down on her feet. “Twice! Twice, get here! I’ve made a new best friend! Isn’t she so cool?!” she started giggling, as Twice got in, and started gawking at the girl, completely ignoring the blond boy next to her. “Whaaa, she looks cool! I bet she’s shitty.” Twice talked, contradicting himself. “Great, I’m gonna have a headache now.” Dabi sighed, rolling his eyes. “Say, say, Y/N, do you like anyone? Or do you have a type?” Himiko leaned down to get closer to her face. “W-Well...Y-You see...Your friend, Dabi...He’s pretty hot...Ahhh, I’m blushing, and I can’t hide my face because of the restraints. What about you, Himi?” she closed her eyes, her bottom lip quivering from embarrassment, as she could hear Dabi’s dark chuckle...And something warm going down her cheek. “He’s so cute...! My crush...Deku, he’s so cute! I’m gonna make him mine, some day!” the blonde girl licked her blood-dripping knife, her face looking even more euphoric than before. “Is my blood sweet? I hope it is! I always wanna be cute and sweet! Maybe that way, others will like me!” Y/N giggled back at her. “Yess, it’s one of the sweetest I’ve tasted so far!” Himiko seemed to have a pleased expresion. “Deku...So, you like Broccoli boy. I’m sure I could get you two to see each other, if you want. He is my classmate, after all...And he’s pretty...Naive.” she winked at the villain girl, who started squealing in happiness...

Until the big bad guy came, along with a few others.

“Ahh, Shiggy, was it? It’s lovely seeing you again, after so long! Great fight, back then...But, uh...Y’know...I’d rather get smashed by Dabi, here, than by some ugly monster, y’know?” she laughed cheerfully, which made Dabi snort and look away in amusement, as Tomura could only grit his teeth in mild annoyance. “You were pretty cool back there too, I must admit. But you’re a hero. You’re like all of them, aren’t you?” Tomura’s voice was low and dangerous. “Hero...Haha...What a joke. If heroes were all good, selfless and altruistic as they wanted to appear, they wouldn’t benefit over us. They wouldn’t get away with the shit they do. They wouldn’t have their mistakes covered and buried away from the face of the Earth, just to keep up a blind facade...Or maybe, it’s the fault of the civilians, for wanting to live and believe in a blatant lie.” the ever-so-cheerful grin from her face was replaced by a dark expression, something so full of anger and hatred, that Katsuki was almost afraid of. “Take off her restraints.” Tomura muttered, and Dabi did just so, allowing the girl to get up and stretch a bit. “All of you here became so-called Villains for a reason, didn’t you? You hold so much hatred for the heroes, because all of you were wronged in some way. You want justice...You want the justice that was never given to you. How am I any different from any of you, I wonder?” she spoke, almost dramatically, and Katsuki couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of her mouth. “Oh...? What am I hearing...? Little Miss Hero thinks she’s in the same boat as us...?” Tomura got to his feet, stepping in front of her, towering over her smalled form. “Heroes, villains, civilians...What’s the difference, in the end? Morals? Ethics? The kill count? Are there no evil heroes, or altruistic villains out there? The world isn’t black or white, it’s a spectrum of all the shades of grey existent, which people seem to completely overlook. Nobody truly cares, do they? We’re just pretending to care. This life is nothing more than a struggle, a stupid mummer’s charade, and we’re all the puppets lead by some stupid master.” she looked up at him with a defiant look, as his hand grasped her neck faster than a cobra attacking its prey, making everyone gasp. “You speak bold...I like you...But how will I know you’re not bluffing. If I just...Let my little finger touch your neck...Well, I’m sure you already know what’s going to happen, don’t you?” Shigaraki smirked with those incredibly chapped lips. “You know...If you were to get a proper skin care routine, and use some lip balm, I’m sure you’d look 10...No, 20 times hotter than you already do. Your hair looks so fluffy and pretty though...I wanna play with it...” she played around dumbly, annoying Shigaraki enough to slap her, with all 5 fingers, decaying a bit of her face.

It seemed like the world stopped.

For Katsuki, for Shigaraki, for Y/N, and for everyone else.

The tension was so dark and intense, that you could cut it with a knife.

“I heard that you’re in cahoots with All For One, aren’t ya? That fucker...If I could, I would kill him. I would torture him to death...And that wouldn’t be even 10% of what hell he made me go through. That stupid father of mine...A so called hero. Nothing more than a good for nothing lackey...His loyalty was swaying to the highest bidder. Scum. Trash. That’s what he was. And you’re telling me...I don’t know what’s like to have your life fucked over by heroes...? Really...? I think you’re the one who speaks boldly, Shigaraki Tomura.” the girl spoke in a voice so low, dark and threatening, that it made Katsuki’s heart tremble with fear and curiosity. “That’s more like it! Now tell me...No, tell US! Tell us how bad heroes are! Tell me of the justice you got!” Shigaraki continued to provoke the girl, so much that she snapped and pushed him away from her, glaring and growling so much that he hair tips were lit again. “Justice? WHAT justice? Nobodies like me don’t deserve any justice! All For One persuaded my father to leave us and become a villain. And then what? My mother was so heartbroken that she hanged herself! I was barely 12 years old...And she left me all alone, with a 3 year old sister to take care of. What did the Heroes do? They faked my father’s disappearance, my mother was written out of this world, as if she never even existed...But did anyone take responsibility for us? Of course not! Nobody gave a damn about us! NOBODY!” her voice was so full of pain, so broken, and for the first time ever, Katsuki was beginning to doubt everything he stood for so far. “You’ve been so hurt, and yet, you still stand by their side. Why?” Shigaraki’s eyes bore into hers, and it seemed like they almost understood each other. “I don’t care what I have to do, as long as my father and All For One die. For the past 4 years I’ve been working day and night...Studying, doing illicit part time jobs, just to get the money to raise my sister, so the both of us won’t get thrown or separated in a filthy orphanage. I’m so fucking exhausted, man. I just want to live long enough to see my revenge happening. That is the only reason I’m still alive. That, and I have to make sure my sister is okay. She’s so young, and she’s suffered enough...So, Shigaraki, if you want to kill me, now is your time to shine! You can have be by the throat, or you can have me stabbed...Or even cremated. Just say the word.” she provoked him right back, which made him laugh dryly.  “I like this look on your face, Y/N! I get ya, I totally get ya! Come on, take a seat here, at the bar, next to me. Look at your friend over there...Do you see that look in his eyes? He’s shocked. He’s confused. And you managed to do all that! Haha...But y’know what’s even better? Look at the news! Look at your homeroom teacher and principal talking!” Shiggy mocked Bakugou Katsuki, as he let the news on, not making any noise, until it was over. “Don’t you think it’s strange? Why are the heroes being criticised? The way they were dealing with things was juuust a little off. Is it because it’s their job to protect? Everyone makes a mistake or two. Are they supposed to be perfect? Modern-day heroes are so uptight. Don’t you think, Bakugou?” the blue haired one continued. “That’s how it’s always been, and will always be. The stronger ones will get criticised for any mistake they do...And the weaker ones are going to get ganged up and bullied by the others. So fair, isn’t it?” Y/N sighed, crossing her arms and putting her ankle over the other knee. “Is this society truly just, I wonder? We’re going to get everyone to think over. And we’ll be winning. You like winning too, don’t you~? ... Dabi, release his restraints.” Shigaraki ordered the brunet man. “Huh? This guy’s gonna fight, you know?” Dabi turned to look at him with confusion. “He won’t.” the girl muttered, flashing the blond a look for warning. “Don’t worry, it’s fine! We need to treat him like an equal, since we’re scouting him. Besides, you can tell if you’ll win or not if you fight in this situation, right, U.A. student?” Shigaraki reassured him, very carefree.

After that, Dabi made Twice remove Bakugou Katsuki’s restraints, as Mr. Compress apologised for being so forceful, making Tomura continue his explanation.

But of course, Bakugou Katsuki was angry at the League of Villains, so he blasted for Twice and Shigaraki away, glaring at them, grinning with a determined, murderous look on his face.

This was bad.

Out of fear for her fellow colleague, Y/N jumped in front of him, her arms outstretched in a way to defend him, should anything happen.

However, Shigaraki told them not to fight, despite Bakugou Katsuki’s blatant aggressiveness, telling them to fuck off...And so, Mr. Compress and Kurogiri were ordered to make both of them go back to sleep.

Fat chance.

“You said he’s valuable for you, right? Then don’t make him go back to sleep. I’ll make sure he doesn’t destroy or attack anything, so just leave him alone.” the girl gritted her teeth, attentively looking at each and every one of them.

There she was. 

She was standing up for him and defending him again.

What the hell is wrong with him? Does he look so helpless and vulnerable to her?

What the hell was going on with him...?

How could he possibly become a hero, let alone one like All Might, when he let himself get captured, and now, he has someone stand up for him repeatedly?

His thoughts were all a jumbled mess, until the anti-climatic pizza guy rang the door bell...

Only for All Might and other heroes to smash through, as Kamui bound everyone, Gran Torino made Dabi faint, and Edgeshot came to help.

“I’m sorry for the delay. I’m sure you were scared, but it’s fine now!” All Might reassured them...And Katsuki’s bottom lip was quivering... “No need for anyone to worry about me, All Might...You guys did really well...I guess...” the girl let her arms fall to her sides, looking with mixed feelings at the villains. “Don’t be too harsh on them, please. They aren’t too different from me...Now, do what you have to do. I’ll get Katsuki out of here...And don’t worry, I won’t let anything happen to him, no matter what.” the girl said, but as soon as she finished her words, Nomus started appearing out of nowhere, even though Kurogiri was unconscious.

This must be the work of All For One.

As the girl was ready to get the blond out of there, a black mist started engulfing him, and realising the gravity of the situation, she threw her arms around him, letting herself be teleported away with him...

The same as when he got kidnapped in the first place.

...

They were in front of All For One.

And Katsuki wasn’t aware of that.

But Y/N knew.

She knew.

Because behind him, from the smoke and dust, her father emerged, almost like a shadow.

Growling, she pushed Katsuki much behind him, standing in a defensive position, attentive for any possible attack.

All For One...Was like a teacher for Shigaraki Tomura. He was like a father for him.

And Y/N was angry that she could feel sympathy for him...For them.

“All Might is going to defeat you again, All For One. And I’m glad I will be here to witness your fall.” the girl growled, trying to keep her composure in front of the nightmare she’s been living for the last years. “You are right. Because he is here, L/N Y/N.” he chuckled darkly, as the girl dragged Katsuki away, leaving way for the two to clash.

Katsuki was watching with shock and horror at the enemy being able to repel the Symbol of peace like that.

All the villains then gathered around Katsuki, ready to take him away and go through the Warp gate.

“Don’t worry about us, All Might! I will protect Katsuki! You take care of that bastard, and stop worrying about us!” Y/N yelled at the Hero, so he will stop being distracted.

As she said that, she did a flip, kicking the blond away from those villains, as she activated her Quirk and did a huge fire bubble around him, so intense that they wouldn’t be able to approach. She kept that fire going with one hand, as with the other she kept defending herself from everyone’s attacks, especially Mr. Compress’, who was trying to get them away.

She kept trying to fight them, as Katsuki was cursing her, trying and failing to get out of the bubble she created, a loud noise was heard, and she noticed Midoria, Iida, Kirishima and Todoroki using their Quirks to jump high into the sky above them, as Kiri was extending his hand towards them to get them out of here.

Smirking widely, she let out the fire from around him, ran as fast as she could, and used the fire she had to propel herself, while dragging Katsuki with her by the wrist, and along with his explosions, they reached everyone.

That is, if Y/N didn’t do one last effort to throw Katsuki to them, and in return, her falling behind.

“Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine! Get the hell outta here, all of you!” was the only thing Katsuki heard, as he tried to get out of Kirishima’s grasp, trying to get the girl to join them...

But he failed.

Again.

And all he could do was go to safety with the other two, watching from the big screen as Y/N and All Might were going to fight All For One and Y/N’s father.

“Don’t you dare send me away, Yagi Toshinori. You owe me at least this much, for everything I’ve been put through. You owe me my revenge on these two people. I’m done being the better person.” she got in an attack position, earning a nod from the hero beside her. “I do owe you at least that. Don’t be rash, and stay focused.” All Might advised her one more time.

Her father could only laugh as he was fighting her.

He laughed at how pitiful she was. He laughed at her emotions. He laughed, not caring about the family he created, and how he destroyed it. He laughed as...

As he held Y/N’s little sister captive.

And he was mocking her, telling her that she will kill the kid if she didn’t obey.

It was then that Katsuki realised he couldn’t breathe anymore, and his heart wasn’t sure if it stopped altogether, or was beating too fast to keep track of.

He was feeling anxious and truly scared for the first time in his life.

What would he have done, should he have been in her situation?

Would he freeze? Would he attack? Would he give up and obey?

He couldn’t answer.

It was impossible.

But...The girl had an answer.

Rage.

Her anger was so beyond limit that, with a loud, raw roar of anger, hatred, agony, and all the pent up frustration she’s been bottling over the years, and without her knowledge, a huge aura of white fire created around her, as she went to attack, and burn alive, the father that destroyed her life.

She was afraid to touch her sister, but Gran Torino and Mount Lady were there to prioritise the rescue of the little girl, allowing Y/N to fight him properly.

Katsuki didn’t need words to see the pain she was harbouring in her heart, as each battle cry gave away the agony she was living in.

Katsuki didn’t need to be told what emotions she was feeling, as the tears in her eyes were enough proof.

Katsuki didn’t need to ask how if she cared for her future, as the blood and burns her Quirk is causing her were a silent answer.

If he could, Katsuki would go right back at her and get her away from there, defend her the same way she did...At USJ, at the Sports Festival, inside the bar...And now, in front of the worst villain ever, All For One.

Katsuki’s eyes were stinking, and his whole body was trembling with emotion and worry.

That stupid Y/N.

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

Stupid, dumb, clumsy, clueless, frail, vulnerable, idiotic, extra, dumbass Y/N!

Why the fuck do you always have to defend him, and get yourself in such shitty situations in front of him?!

Do it somewhere else, where he won’t feel guilty that he left you alone!

Do it somewhere else, where he can’t see your body bloody, broken, lying there lifelessly!

Stop protecting him!!!

Stop defending him!!!

Stop...Stop! STOP ALREADY!

Please...PLEASE-....PLEASE! 

Please, Y/N, just stop already! 

Run away, come to me, let me defend you for fucking once!

Stop smiling that stupid grin of yours, when you’re more dead than alive!

Yes, he won the fight against some lame villain like her father, but the state she was in?  She was good for nothing else than bait against All Might!

And Katsuki could only watch as she fell to her knees, as her father wasted away in nothing more than dust and ashes into the wind... Only for All For One to pick her up by the neck, using her as a shield, so All Might wouldn’t be able to hit him again...

But All Might is smart, and quickly picked Y/N in one hand, and hit AFO with the other, despite the damage he got to himself.

“Toshi...Don’t mind me...Please...Take care of yourself...” the girl coughed blood on the ground, as she managed to get up from the ground, but this time, she wasn’t sure how much the adrenaline she had running through her veins was going to help much.

But things were getting bad, and all the heroes could see it, broadcasted on live television...And only they were truly able to realise the extent of the problem they were in.

As AFO kept taunting All Might, Y/N encouraged him to keep fighting, despite seeing that he was deflating...Changing.  With all the last strength she had, she patted Toshinori on the back, as she rushed to save a woman from beneath the ruins, allowing the Hero to fight the villain leisurely...

But the last wave...Completely revealed All Might’s true form.

That of a skeleton.

And Katsuki realised...That the fall of All Might was caused by him.

He destroyed the Symbol of Peace.

It was his fault.

All his fault.

But then...Then...All For One did spoke so much...All with the intention to break Toshinori’s heart...To break him...His mind, his heart, his soul.

He told him the truth.

Shigaraki Tomura...Shimura Tenko...Shimura Nana’s grandson..His master’s own grandson...

The master that All For One himself killed.

“ALL MIGHT! FIGHT! DON’T LOSE YOUR COMPOSURE! YOU’RE ALL MIGHT! YOU’RE THE SYMBOL OF PEACE! WIIIIIIIIIIN! ALL MIGHT, WIIIIIIIINNN!!!” Y/N shrieked at the top of her lungs, tears streaming down her face, as she let out a rope of fire to wrap around his arms, empowering him.

She had no idea that the desperate shout she gave made the people watching the broadcast join in the chant.

WIN!

ALL MIGHT, WIN!

YOU MUST WIN!

ALL MIGHT!

As AFO attacked again, Endeavour, Kamui Woods, Edgeshot and other Pro-Heroes joined the fight...Helping All Might...Encouraging him...Telling him that everyone is praying for his success...

And the girl too...

She got up, dragged herself by his side, put her hand over his wrist, and dragged it up in the air.

“NOBODY CAN DEFEAT ALL MIGHT, THE SYMBOL OF PEACE! ROT IN HELL, ALL FOR ONE!” she cried out once again, trying her best to encourage the #1 hero...

But AFO had other plans.

With a powerful shockwave, he blew away everyone, except for All Might.

It took just one more punch...Two more...Three more, actually...For All Might to finish the fight, with that broken and bloody body of his...

He put in that last punch all the fire he had left in his heart, and managed to defeat him completely...

But so...

So disappeared One For All as well.

As soon as the smoke and dust cleared, Y/N saw Toshinori still standing, raising his fist towards the sky, and she started crying harder, yelling out his name in happiness, as everyone was chanting his name.

Despite not even being able to stand up, the girl used the last of her powers to get up, run to him and hug him tightly from the back, sobbing in relief.

“Next, it’s your turn.” was the last thing All Might said on TV.

Everyone interpreted it differently, most people thinking that it was a threat for the villains...

But the truth was otherwise.

“I have used up everything I had in me.”

One For All was done for, and so was All Might.

And it was all the fault of the powerless Bakugou Katsuki.

---

To allow children to continue studying, U.A. built dorms for all the students, and now, each homeroom teacher had to go to all families of their students and ask for permission.

It was all fine and dandy...

But Bakugou Katsuki’s family...

Or rather said, his mother...

Well, Aizawa and Toshinori could understand why Bakugou Katsuki had so much pent up rage and frustration, so much anger and suppressed worries and pressure on his shoulders.

His mother wasn’t the most...Gentle one.

She was as aggressive as he was...Or rather, that’s where he got it from.

Casually slapping the back of his head, blaming him for being too weak and allowing himself to get kidnapped, which in turn, is causing everyone so much trouble, saying that he’s hopeless, and needs to be taught a lesson, constantly yelling at him...

“Is...That alright...?” Toshinori asked, worrying a bit for the blond. “Yeahh, that’s alright, he can take it.” was Bakugou Mitsuki’s reply.

He can take it...?

The slaps? The criticism? The insults? The yelling? The abuse? The trauma? The guilt? The pressure? The facade?

He certainly can take it all...

Can’t he...?

But really...Can he really...?

After what happened at Camino...What he felt, what he saw, what he did...

Can he really take it anymore...?

Bakugou Katsuki can certainly take it, since he doesn’t care about anyone around him, nor for their words or actions...

But can Katsuki take it? 

Can the broken boy inside of him, the one that has so much pressure, so much pain, so many insults, mistakes and guilt thrown at him one after the other?  Can the boy who feels so inferior to the Quirkless Deku that became his Idol’s favourite...

Can he really take it?

---

And so, they moved in the dorms, and since she had nobody to leave her with, Y/N was forced to bring her sister, much to the displeasure of the teachers, but it had to be done.

One of the Pro-Heroes was forced to escort her to school, and back home, at all times as well.

It was a drag, but after all, it wasn’t Y/N’s fault, it was the heroes’ fault this all happened to her.

Everything seemed fine, but only or a little while, clearly, as one day, they heard some arguing from the living room, only to notice a bandaged up Y/N arguing with Aizawa, which wasn’t something anyone would expect.

After all...

Who and WHY would you fight with your homeroom teacher...?

“Well, it’s not my fault either, is it? I wasn’t able to rely on you, Heroes, for the past 4 years, why should I now? Sure, we have some food and stuff, but after this? I have no money, and neither does my sister, obviously. If U.A., or that stupid Government that screwed up my life had any money to spare for the trauma they caused us, they would have given it to us already, right? So come on, turn a blind eye, sign this, and let me go already.” she tried her best to keep herself civil, as Aizawa could only sigh, understanding her concerns. “Look, Y/N, I’m just your homeroom teacher, I’m not the president, and I don’t make the rules. If things were my way, they would have been much different. The police doesn’t let children out of the house either, and Principal Nezu is concerned about all of you. I can’t allow you to risk your life every day to go work, even though I completely understand your concerns.” he tried to explain, but it only angered the girl further. “And after I’m done with this place? What am I going to do? I have no money, I can’t pay for the bills to keep my house, I can’t pay for food, for clothes, for my sister’s books or other things...She’s turning 8 soon, y’know? And what am I supposed to do? Smile and say BLAME THE HEROES WE’RE BROKE? Come on...You can’t expect me to work 3 jobs when we get out of the Dorms, right? You do realise I can’t take it anymore, right?!” her voice was beginning to break, it was getting a bit more pitched, and Katsuki realised how much she was hurting, for the first time since they got in 1-A. “I’m really sorry, Y/N, I know this has been the hardest for you. I will try to talk around again, but I don’t know what we can do. You have great grades, I will at least try, at the end of the year, to fight for a monthly scholarship for you. You deserve it. If things get calmer over time, I will try to convince the Principal to give you permission to work, since yours is a special case.” Aizawa could see how overly exhausted his student was, and knowing her past and all the struggles she’s been going through, he couldn’t help but hug her, patting her hair reassuringly. “I’m exhausted, Aizawa...I don’t know how long I can go on. My body, my heart, my mind...They’re all...Shattered. Now that I’ve accomplished the goal I set myself...My father is dead...All Might defeated All For One...What do I live for? Why am I still here, just to suffer? Do I really have to live for another person? Am I really alive, just to support my sister financially? But...But what about me...? I’ve been working since I was 12...Working and studying all the time...With no actual breaks...I’m collapsing and I can’t see a way out...I’m...I’m...I’m weak too, you know...?!”

I’m weak too...

I’m...

Weak...

How...Can she say that...With such ease?

How can she admit to being weak and vulnerable?

How can she say all that, and yet, Aizawa isn’t looking at her in disgust, but is comforting her?

What the hell is going on?

Bakugou was so sure that if he was ever to show weakness, his whole life was going to crumble away.

HE was going to shatter and everyone was going to blame him, and stomp on the pieces that remained of him.

So why...With her...It’s different...?

Maybe...

Maybe...

Just maybe...

He, too, was allowed...To feel...Even a little beat...

Weak...?

Katsuki was lost in thought, watching Aizawa pat Y/N’s head one more time, before leaving to his room, as the girl could only stare aimlessly at the ceiling, her eyes red, puffy and dead, like those of a dead fish.

She truly looked like she was a deadman walking right now.

She needed help.

She needed someone.

This was her, the true Y/N, the one who’s hurting so much, the one who forgot to live, and existed, only for the sake of another.

Y/N, this weak, broken girl, that live through sheer spite, rage, hatred, frustration, fire and adrenaline... Had no more reason to live.

Katsuki growled at his classmates, telling them to fuck off, as he gulped and made his way to the girl, staring down at her with stern eyes.

Stern eyes that, as soon as they met her pained ones, softened immediately.

They just stood there, staring at each other for a while, before she finally spoke out.

“What do you want?”

Her voice was so rough, so cold, so dead, so much that it almost seemed like she was barely holding on to reality.

“Let me defend you.” Katsuki deadpanned, not thinking much about what he was saying. “Defend me...? What are you talking about?” she frowned in confusion at his words. “You stood in front of me and protected me so many times before...Look, dumbass, I...I’m not good with words. But...Thanks for everything you’ve done for me so far. I, uh...I guess I...Appreciate it. So let me return the favour. I owe you.” he spoke gentler than any time before, only for the girl to scoff and roll her eyes. “Owe me...? Don’t be stupid. I wasn’t expecting to get out of there alive. I kept constantly throwing myself in deadly situations, hoping to feel something. Guess what. I’m more dead than alive. You can’t defend someone with no purpose in life, Bakugou Katsuki. Give it up and go back to your life and your ambitions. Forget about me. I’m not that stupid and cheerful, happy-go-lucky bimbo I let myself be seen as before.” she explained, turning away, not meeting his eyes. “What the hell, Y/N, first of all, don’t ever call me that again! That pisses me off to no end! Secondly, yeah, I know, I always knew that wasn’t the real you. But so what, big deal! I’ve been analysing your every move since the USJ incident! But let me get back at you for all the times you asked me if I was okay, if I overused my Quirk, if I was taking care of myself, and so on. Let me get back at you for shielding and defending me from everyone who tried to harm me, verbally or physically. Let me help you find yourself a reason to live, but this time, for yourself, not for others.” his yelling gradually softened, to the point where he was barely audible...But he was being genuine. “...You’re very strange, ‘Tsuki. Even now, after all we’ve been through, after seeing my true self, you haven’t shunned me, and you still want to help me out. How cute...Very cute, in fact. But I don’t know. I don’t know if I’m capable of receiving help. What’s broken can’t be repaired, you know?” she muttered, before feeling a tight hug from behind. “What about repairing Quirks? Or that old ritual that glues ceramic objects with gold? Don’t be a dumbass...There are ways, you just need to accept the help you’re given. That’s all. Say yes. That’s all I’m asking you. If you’re taking a step back, and allowing yourself to be weak, then let me defend you. Let me protect you.” he buried his face in her hair, as he felt her body tremble in his embrace. “...Okay, ‘Tsuki. Please...Defend me.” was all she said, as she turned around and hugged the boy just as hard.

But that was the simplest thing they could do, because while yes, someone there to hug you and be there for you was always great, but Y/N was so much in her own world from all the things that have been happening, that she forgot to care about others’ well-being, trying to focus on herself for once...

Which is why she couldn’t see, at least at first, how much of a blow the Camino incident was for Katsuki.

It was tearing him apart, but he had nobody to tell to, because the only person who he wasn’t afraid of being weak in front, needed to be protected, and he couldn’t be weak for her, when he needed him the most.

So he was suffering in silence.

Days after days, nights after nights.

He couldn’t sleep well, his mind was tired, he wasn’t eating properly, he was more aggressive and less sociable...

It became so bad that, one night, he took it outside with Deku and fought head to head with him, only to have Aizawa stop them, grounding and scolding them well enough.

It was then that she finally managed to get herself to look in his eyes...And realise how much he was hurting.

The next night, even more, as she saw him slipping away outside, pushing himself to train harder...And harder...And harder...

It was almost like he was using this excessive and incoherent training as a way to let out all the pent up frustrations he held inside of his heart.

And that was the exact truth.

He was screaming, roaring, blasting away trees and other things around, trying to blow away the anger he had, hoping that it would go away, but it didn’t.

“...’Tsuki...? Hey, ‘Tsuki, calm down for a second. Please. Stop. Just for a bit. Look at me.” she spoke out loud enough to be heard from all the explosions. “ Huh? Y/N? The hell ya doin’ here? Go back to the dorms, I’m busy.” he tried his best not to yell at her, but it was obvious he was holding back with the last ounce of self-control he had left in his body. “No. I know you’re hurting. I’ve known since the beginning. That’s why I kept asking you if you’re okay, so you can’t bullshit me. You feel like you can’t allow yourself to talk to anyone. You feel like the weight of the whole world is on your shoulders. You feel the pressure, the pain, the mistakes, the words, the insults, the criticism, the guilt and blame of everything that happened...But ‘Tsuki, don’t ever blame yourself for the All Might thing. It wasn’t your fault. It was going to happen sooner or later, but now, the Villain Boss is defeated, thanks to All Might. Casualties happened, but this was the best outcome anyway.” she tried to pacify him, but when he turned around to face her, tears were streaming down his face like a waterfall. “STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT, DAMN IT! I DON’T NEED YOUR STUPID PITY! AND WHAT THE HELL WOULD YOU KNOW?! I LET MYSELF GET KIDNAPPED, ALL MIGHT LOST HIS POWERS BECAUSE OF ME! ALL I DO IS FUCK UP ALL THE TIME! WHY CAN’T I DO ANYTHING FUCKING RIGHT FOR ONCE, DAMN IT?!” he yelled so loud, so rough, so raw, so pained, that the girl could only bite her lip and run to hug him as tight as she could.

He wanted to yell at her, to blame her for all those stupid emotions he was feeling, for the guilt and darkness that kept engulfing him.

He wanted to beat her up for making him worry so much at Camino, being so dumb as to get in front of him, to protect him from all those villains, and more, All For One.

He wanted to give her a piece of his mind for all the stupid things she told while at the League of Villains’ headquarter, as it felt like nothing more than a harsh and cruel dream, and yet, it was reality.

He wanted to shake her by the shoulders for making him feel as if he owes her, for all the times she stood up for him and defended him in front of everyone.

But more importantly...

He wanted to hug her tightly to his chest and just cry away his emotions, as he knew that none of those were her fault, and that he’s just been locking himself and his heart away from the world to see, and that he’s nothing more than a scared boy who wants to hide away from the judging eyes of people.

“Go on, ‘Tsuki. Yell at me, hit me, punch me, slap me, curse me, use your Quirk on me...Do anything, I don’t care, as long as it helps you get rid of those frustrations and thoughts. They are all false. They were induced to you because of other people and circumstances, but none of those are your fault. You’re going to become an amazing hero, Katsuki, and nobody will ever doubt that.” she spoke in a firm tone, hoping to get through his thick, stubborn skull of his. “...Y/N...” a soft sob, calling out her name, came from the boy.

How could she say something like that? 

How could she possibly imagine that he would be capable of ever being even remotely aggressive with her, when what he wants is nothing more than to protect her and be there for her?

But she does have a point.

She always seemed to say what everyone wanted to hear.

He wasn’t even sure if she always meant her words, but needless to say, they were always what everyone needed, and he realised that now, after seeing how she behaved with those villains, and before, during normal school days, with their classmates.

“Yes, ‘Tsuki? What is it?” she raised her head, cupping his face, wiping away the tears from his eyes. “I’m...I’m...I’m....W-...We...We-...N-No, fuck it, I can’t say it. I can’t. I...I can’t...” Katsuki cursed himself, shutting his eyes firmly, gritting his teeth in anger. “You can, ‘Tsuki. You know you can. You brave and strong. Allow yourself to feel. You are only human, darling. Humans make mistakes, and they are forgiven for them. Humans are allowed to feel, and nobody is blaming them for having feelings. Humans can be weak, and can be strong, maybe both at the same time, and nobody will hate them for not being one or the other all the time! So...’Tsuki...Be honest with yourself, please. Allow yourself to be human.” her voice was so angelic, and spoke so much truth, that for the first time in his life, Katsuki allowed himself to exist as a human being. “I’M WEAK TOO, YOU KNOW?!” he yelled out, his voice booming through the forest, louder than his explosions.

He...

He said it.

He truly said it.

And he’s still there.

And she’s still there.

She isn’t mocking him, nor is she taunting or running away from him.

She isn’t shaming or blaming him.

Instead, she has a tender and understanding expression on her face...

And she’s smiling, almost as if she’s proud of him, he thinks.

But why would she be proud of a complete stranger that admitted his own weaknesses...?

“I know, sweetheart, I know. You’re so brave for saying it. It takes a lot of strength to admit it, especially out loud, to someone else. I’m so proud of you, ‘Tsuki. I promise you, I’m not going to look at you differently for admitting it, and nor will anybody else. It’s not healthy to keep those emotions inside of you, they are only going to eat you away. You saw it first hand.” the girl caressed his cheeks gently, smiling at him in understanding and pride. “This is so stupid...I hate this. I hate this so much. I hate being weak...It’s strange. Not my thing at all. I’m such a fucking dumbass...But...I guess you’re right...Sorta. I feel better letting that get out of my system.” he muttered, blushing and averting his sight from hers. “...This is probably the worst timing ever, but...Did I ever tell you how adorable you are?” she gave him that dumb, happy-go-lucky grin once again, which made him lose his shit, getting more flustered, not sure if he would have the strength to look at her, or if he should look away and avoid any more embarrassment. “What the hell?! Shut the hell up, you dumbass! Don’t say shit like that that you don’t mean, you stupid extra!” he growled at her, but it sounded more like a pomeranian yapping, with no ill intent, which only made the girl chuckle at him. “I mean it. All of it. You’re adorable. Come on, let’s hang out a bit more. Just walk around the place, relax a bit. What do you say?” she gave him a soft smile, extending her hand towards him. “...Whatever.” he hung his head, biting his lip in embarrassment, hiding his face in with one of his forearms, as with the other hand, he held Y/N’s hand. “Did you know that you smell very sweet? Like caramel sugar. And your hand is so warm...” she praised and complimented him, and he couldn’t help but blush harder, not being used to this kind of cutesy words about him. “Sh-Shut up, don’t be an idiot.” he said those words, and yet, he intertwined his fingers with hers, holding her hand tighter. “Come on, I know you like it. Be honest with yourself.” she giggled, leaning on his arm, as he could finally feel himself relaxing a bit. “Yeah...I...I guess I do like it. And I like you.” he admitted, albeit, barely audible. “And I like you as well, ‘Tsuki.” 

Y/N gave him a soft smile - Not one of those happy-go-lucky, stupidly dumb grins - But a soft, small, genuine one.

For the first time in forever, Y/N smiled because she felt happy.

And she felt happy with Katsuki by her side.

Realising that, the boy felt the corners of his mouth twitch upwards, forming a small smile as well.

Perhaps, they were re-learning together how to be happy...And how to allow themselves to be genuine with themselves.

They were learning to truly appreciate themselves and who they are, after such a long time of struggles, hardships, trauma, insults, guilt and burdens.

At least for tonight, they didn’t have to be Bakugou Katsuki and L/N Y/N.

At least for tonight, they were just Katsuki and Y/N.

And they were happy.

[nearit]

Credit in the Straight World

The post-Buffy dialogue didn’t seem like an asset when Jennifer’s Body first came out back in 2009.  Diablo Cody’s writing style was the sort of thing you talked about on your blog in those days and while no one was crying out for a purely naturalistic approach it’s fair to say that her script for Juno was generally regarded as being overly mannered, at least among the wannabe seekers I spent my time chatting with.  If I was disinterested even at the time in the villainisation of Megan Fox, the Diablo Cody discourse was running through my mind throughout my first viewing; in fact, I may have heard it louder than the actual dialogue that was playing out on screen.

In 2020 I’m even more tired of that voice, that arch, chatty cadence, the one that started out as a piss take of a certain sort of American teen and ended up in the mouths of adults across the world.  These days every superhero sounds like Spider-Man, every movie has at least three superheroes in it, and every home has at least four subscriptions to streaming channels packed to the gunnels with superhero media.  

These are all exaggerations but I challenge you to show me the lie.

Why, then, did I find Jennifer’s Body less aggravating when I rewatched it recently?  Perhaps because it’s actually about at least one thing, maybe several things, and because it seems to understand that theme is an aesthetic element rather than a slogan to be crudely painted on top of the engine of the story itself. 

The exploration of Needy and Jennifer’s friendship is the main engine of this movie, powering everything from the pastel goth aesthetics to the endless push-pull of physical resentment and physical attraction that plays out between Amanda Seyfried and Megan Fox on screen.  These two elements may in fact be different facets of the same system: so be it, but Karyn Kusama’s movie deserves to be engaged with the same flair that has been applied to its design.  

If the more unnatural affectations of the dialogue functions largely an expression of kinship so deeply worked up in itself that it has developed its own language, what to make of its presence in other parts of the movie?  Some of this may be put down to a sort of excess of style, but elsewhere we find one of the movie’s other engines at work.  The distanced, “I know, I know, but we’ve got to be like this to get ahead” misogyny of Adam Brody and his bandmates is the film’s most overt expression of contemporary sexism, but the bit that drew my attention this time was a seemingly stray bit of dialogue:

“Our library has an occult section?"

On first blush this is everything that’s objectionable about postmodern horror, an acknowledgement of nonsensical tropes designed to allow the audience to feel superior to their own enjoyment.  This is the sort of line that can undermine the film or TV show you’re watching while gesturing towards a sophistication that it fails to provide, but in Jennifer’s Body I read the line differently, as a further expression of the themes of the movie.  Knowledge of the sort of personal/social demons this movie deals in is never far from the public consciousness.  We have extensive taxonomies of sexism and have many tumblrs dedicated to the complexities of not being sure whether you want to be someone, be with them or be somewhere else entirely. The thing is, you wouldn't necessarily think any of this was true from the way we act as a society or the way we feel as individuals. The information is there, if too often out of site of those who need it and out of mind of the ones who should be there to share this knowledge.      

[bardqueenofgallifrey]

The ‘Brave-Ish Heart’ Stand Off (Favourite Scene, for Class Appreciation Week, Day Six)

*excited squeak* *wordless flailing* *deep breath*

This scene. Oh man, this scene is a writer’s wet dream, honestly. 

Now, this show isn’t perfect, or even entirely polished. It has pacing issues and things it could have done a lot better and some things it maybe shouldn’t have done at all, but at its core, it is wonderful no matter the quality of some of the details. (The characters. The strength is always in the characters.) 

And this scene holds the best viewing material of all. CONFLICT. In fact, it’s the most well done conflict scene in the whole show, even with the various fights with the Shadowkin. Because conflict doesn’t have to be a fight. 

Conflict can be a stand off. (Besides, there is a  gun and billions of lives at stake.)

This is four people, of four very different moralities and at least three different desired outcomes. Each want their own way, each has a different level of power and influence within the setting to try and achieve it. 

Let’s review. 

Desired Use of Cabinet: 

Charlie - that it is not used

Quill - use against Shadowkin

Dorothea - use against petals

Matteusz - that it is not used

Fucks given about the fate of the Earth (and themselves):

Charlie - some, but not enough

Quill - absolutely none

Dorothea - a lot

Matteusz - quite a few, to put it mildly

Assets for Achieving Their Goal:

Charlie - only one who can use the Cabinet, it all hinges on him

Quill - shouting, tears, severe emotional trauma and consequent need for closure via genocide (requires actual sympathetic person in room to have effect, overall: ineffective except on my heart)

Dorothea - gun, best understanding of everyone else in room

Matteusz - most universally liked person in room (as per usual), discrete texting skills (like damn, that boy made no typos), ability to swing objects

Like, what a mix. 

And it all just comes together so well: Charlie standing his ground, while Dorothea uses force to assist her rather reasonable/logical demand, and Quill desperately appeals to him as well as expressing annoyance whenever they deviate from what she considers important things to be considering. 

Plus all the while, you have Matteusz, the concerned bystander and then emotional manipulation tool for Dorothea. His initial slightly passive role in the stand off is made up for later when he knocks Dorothea out, removing one of the more volatile pieces from the board. *gives Matteusz a gold star sticker*

I’m sure I could say more on this, but I think I’ve pointed out the main reason I love it. In summary: 

The different motivations/moralities/dispositions. Opposing characters. Morally difficult decisions portrayed as such. No character is explicitly villainised (while Charlie and Matteusz are the ones with the moral high ground, the show passes no harsh judgements on Quill or Dorothea as to who was more ‘in the wrong’ between, because both characters had very sound reasons for their actions). 

It’s just a perfect example of the complex moral conflict that lies at the heart of the show and gives it such a strength. I never get tired of it.