#and i'll be spending the night at my mom's before it anyway so idk if i'll have access to my laptop

[marshmellowtea]

okay i think. i think this fic is basically finished i just gotta read through it one last time and do final edits

like the other fic i was working on i'm gonna wait to post it closer to my birthday but ahgkladsjf. god. at least it's DONE

[booyahhstormz]

First sketches for the silly little scrap Baylee AU

I need to put my thoughts into words before I explain that this thing is about 😭😭 (which I enormously struggle to do,, GUH)

But basically, after her mom got eaten by Maggot (LOL) she just became a child of the streets, living here and there, running around town carelessly.

Before anyone asks, as she's very young she doesn't really understand the concept of death and stuff, so she just kinda lives with the fact that her mom was eaten alive?? She thinks she would eventually come back for her after she came out of Maggot's (probably hypothetical) stomach??? Idk something like that probably, I don't know what babies think

Normally other scraps (this indeed include the main trio hehehehhe) let her spend the night with them and share a bit of their food with her, and that's basically how she survives. Every scrap in Ramshackle knows her too, they help her a lot so she doesn't fucking die lol

Idk that's a really dumbed down summary of the thingy 😭😭 I can't explain for SHIT 😭😭😭

If this gets enough attention I will write a full thing about it, explaining the au in depth and doing silly little comics (I'll probably do it anyway-)

[glitterypopcorn]

my parents used to be so busy man. like i'd go to school and then be one of the last people, often the last person, to be picked up at aftercare. my mom would drive me home and id wait 30 minutes to two hours for my dad to come back home. i got home at 6-7 pm.

my dad left for work before i left for school during elementary school and there were days when i'd beg him not to go to work because i knew he'd be gone for so long.

my parents didn't work from home.

we didn't spend enough time together. on the weekends my dad would take me to starbucks to get cake pops and a chocolate croissant for my mom. when i was diagnosed with celiac, i stopped going. what was the point? i cant eat cake pops. they have gluten.

sometimes i tried talking to my mom. a lot of the time my dad told me not to bother her because she's working. i stopped bothering her after a bit.

my dad does most of the household chores. he cooks for everyone. he was often in a bad mood from work and so whenever i annoyed him while he was cooking or doing work at home, he yelled at me. eventually the yelling became mutual and, according to them at the time, i started yelling first.

i spent a lot of time on screens at home. it was the only thing that really entertained me and my parents didn't have the time to stop me.

my temper got worse. i yelled at my dad every day when he woke me up. i still begged him not to leave for work.

then, covid 19 happened.

i spent all my time at home. my skin became very, very pale. my screen usage spiked.

school on zoom was hell. i couldn't focus at all. my dad was in the kitchen, typing on his computer with a very very loud computer. eventually, he moved to the basement because of how distracting it was. whenever my parents would come up or down the stairs to the main floor where i was working, i'd yell at them and they'd yell back. i didn't want to interact with them at all.

i snuck my screens at night so my dad locked them up in a briefcase. that broke eventually, and he resorted to just using the time limit feature on all my devices.

after a while of this, i was diagnosed with adhd, social anxiety, and depression. i can't remember the order.

after quarantine was over, we resumed life as normal. we still wear masks in public to this day because covid is still a thing, obviously, and my mom has an autoimmune issue thingy. we don't want her getting it.

my dad drove me to school. i only had to go to aftercare on fridays, but eventually, the aftercare stopped entirely. my parents tried spending more time with me, but i refused unless they forced me. i would scream and cry every time they made me leave the house for something that wasn't school.

i've gotten better with new meds and all that, but it's still hard.

i get annoyed every time my mom tells me to do something or even just talks to me at all. i text the family group chat very dryly. i keep forgetting to be nice. when i remember, i am literally unable to be. i'm assuming it's my subconscious because my dad used to yell at me so frequently and scared me more than my mom, although when she does yell it's terrifying. that's probably why i get less angry at my dad. but i don't think it's just that because when my dad talks to me i don't feel annoyed at all, whereas my mom talking to me makes me enraged.

i think her voice is a major part. i've encountered like 4 other women who have a similar tone of voice to her when talking to me - my first therapist, my second therapist, a camp counselor, and the woman at that godawful occupational therapy place. won't be talking about that place here . maybe i'll make a post about it later. maybe i already did and i forgot . anyway. i dislike all of those women.

my mom's trying her best.

i feel like how they treated me before covid contributes greatly to how i treat them now. idk. i'm also kinda spoiled and assume i can get what i want because they gave me what i wanted so frequently, and still do a lot of the time.

anyway! i wouldn't call my parents neglectful because i had everything i needed to survive, but still .

/also my mom's mother died when she was 12 and her father was very neglectful, so i think that she's trying to make up for how she used to be and make sure she's not like her father. i'd say she's overbearing, but she really isn't since she barely talks to me so i don't yell as much. it feels that way to me i guess

uhhh idk why they love me i cost them so much and don't tell them anything but :3

[peachycrxmes]

Indecent Proposal

Part - 2

Chapter warnings : fluff, FLUFF, Leaving toxic household, Lovesick bucky and reader, crying (lots),the nicknames, smut (fingering and unprotected sex)and lovemaking (idk...anyways... I'll add if there's anything more)

Words : 3.9K

Note : Look, I'll be honest with you all.The English in my head is much better than what I write.Like I'm happy with what I write but, I'm still unsatisfied.. It's a complicated feeling.And, I am trying to widen my vocabulary in writing.I promise to do better.Anyways, I hope you enjoy this part!

series masterlist

Days flew by and time between you and Bucky became less making your heart hurt.He sneaked in most nights much later after you locked your room and that was the only time you ever spent together.

Love is supposed to be a free feeling.You were desperate for that free feeling all your life.And when Bucky brought it to you with his presence you were so grateful for him.

Thankfully, your mom didn't know that Bucky lived right across your house.There was hope for the both of you after all, he sneaked in at night when you signaled him with your table lamp.

You did the same tonight waiting for his arrival.You remembered last night while you waited...

"I'd love it if you come with me to a place tomorrow...There's something I want to talk to you about... "

You looked at him for a while, were you hearing him right?

"...At midnight?"

"Yes."

You looked at him as you moved closer to him, trying not to show worry on your face but, Bucky noticed it.He tucked a strand of hair behind your ear"You trust me,baby?"

That was a definite Yes.You trusted him with your heart, soul and life.You smiled at him and whispered 'yes' into his hand that stroked your cheek.He smiled gazing at you like a dream.He had nothing but love in his eyes that gently adorned your eyes.If only there was a way for him to express how much he loves you... He would have already done it.Words simply can't even begin to express the love he has for you.He strongly hoped to spend his entire life loving you.There was only one question remaining and he wished you would say 'yes' to that too.

He tucked the little box in his pocket and made his way over to your window, looking forward to that one moment.

You heard the little tap on your window as you carefully stepped out your window and into his arms.He asked you if you were okay and you kissed him in response.You walked hand in hand,towards where he wanted to take you, after a few more stolen kisses under the glowing moon, reminding you of the first night you met him.

It was late and dark and you were in your pajamas.But, you weren't scared one bit.You hugged his bulky arm as you made your way to the pier on the cove of the beach you frequently visited.It was different this time, it had little lights flowing across the small roof atop the bench, with flowers around the thin wooden railings.It was beautiful.

Bucky after knowing that Tony actually built the pier after joining the town's association asked him for a small favour.Tony happily agreed and set it up with flowers and lights.He was happy for his little friend building up the courage to ask you out after all.

He squeezed your hand gently as you made your way across the pier to the bench at the end.

A life without risk isn't a life at all.Bucky knew that even before his uncle's advice.And so he also knew, that he wanted to ask you now, more than ever.He was beaming with excitement and seeing your eyes glowing from the lights only made him fall more and more in love with you.As you excitedly ran to the edge to look at the way the moon and the sea met Bucky had already knelt down.He was entranced by the way the wind touched your hair making it flow like the waves of the sea.He was smitten with you.

You turned around to beckon him over but your hands suddenly flew to your face, tears already forming at the sight before you.How did he know your heart more than anyone else... Maybe that's what love is, knowing someone else more than you know yourself.

"It's so much more than loving you,y/n.It's wanting to be with you all the time.It's wishing to know how your eyes flutter open in the morning.Or how they slowly close at night.I want you.To know you.And to love you and your entirety forever.I love you and there's so much more to it than mere words.I wish I could just show you how much you mean to me.I wish I could let you look into my heart so that you would see how in love with you I am.You are my world and I will spend every day for the rest of my life proving this to you.I am whole heartedly yours.I always will be,for you have all of my heart.Marry me?"he confessed, his eyes glossy.

There is no love that feels like his in this world and I would say yes over and over again and so I did."Yes!Yes!Yes!Bucky!Forever!!"I cried out kneeling with him to hug him tight.His declaration made your heart beat faster and cheeks hurt from smiling.As long as time exists, I would always be his and he would always be mine.I was sure of it.

Holding me by the shoulders he lifts me to my feet with him.We stand there sharing happiness through our shining eyes and excitement for the future.A dream that will be reality.Holding my hand up, he slips the ring on my finger.He sighs caressing my hands and then kisses it.The familiarity of home the ring brought to us made us faithful for a life ahead of us.He kissed my forehead and then the tip of my nose and my temples,cheeks, chin and finally my lips.We were a giggling mess.We bumped noses when I was going to kiss him the way he kissed me.I pull him closer to kiss him making sure he knows that this life isn't enough for all the kisses and love I have for him.He lifts me by the waist making me lean down at him to kiss him.It was a dream come true.We stayed there for a few more moments taking in the feeling of what just happened.We talked about leaving and 'how' we were going to leave.He wanted me to be ready and packed as soon as possible.I could not agree more.

A few days later, I went down to have dinner for the last time with my family.I know that they aren't really the best parents but I still love them and I wanted to spend this last few minutes with them.After dinner, I went upstairs to my room to check for probably the millionth time if I packed all I wanted and reread the letter I pre-wrote for my parents.I had written all that I wanted to say to them since forever.And that I would not be back at all.It hurt to leave them but I knew I will be much happier with Bucky.

I waited and waited listening closely to the footsteps of my parents before they went to sleep and then I signaled him.He was out in no time approaching my window and asked me to throw down the bag.He caught it with ease.I looked at my room for the last time before descending the ladder and into Bucky's arms.

Bucky had told his uncle everything and of course he was happy that his nephew was in love and that he supports his decision of leaving.He had packed his few clothes and cookbooks in a small bag before and as soon as he saw the signal he hugged his uncle goodbye and came straight to you.

He thanked Tony since he offered to help drop them off near the train station.The car ride acquainted you and Tony and you thanked him for his help too.Your father knew him a little but this was the first time you ever talked to each other.You knew that he had a little daughter and a wife both of whom were really sweet.You trusted him to keep this a secret.

You soon arrived at the train station and waited for your train after saying goodbye to Tony.He congratulated us on our engagement merrily, before leaving us alone.

I still remember that night as we sat in our seats wrapped together by a thin blanket he brought with him as we were feeling really cold.I could not fall asleep excited to see our life ahead.I took all the money I earned working in the library and as an intern, which was not much but I was happy with.Bucky said that his parents savings were in his account which could last them a few months.But you decided on getting a job.You scanned the newspaper for any new jobs to the place you were moving to and found a few vacancies for realtors, which didn't require much qualifications and you chose it.You told Bucky who beamed at your excitement and said "That sounds great!".He admitted that he was also looking for a job as an assistant chef in a reputable restaurant nearby and that he got it a few days ago when he went in for an interview.You both decided on staying at the house he grew up in.It was beautiful and it felt exactly like home.It had a small garden and beautiful windows.It was small and cozy in the best way.As you reached the door step, you chuckled as you were being lifted up by his arms bridal style.He brought you in together and put you down only when you kissed him.Bucky watched as you ran around the house excitedly looking at the rooms.

He brought in both your bags and shut the door.He was tired from the journey and so were you.He knew that when he saw you lying on the bed, eyes already fluttering closed.

He laid beside you gently putting his arm around the back of your waist and as soon as you sensed his touch, you moved closer, face buried between his neck and chest, as your arms wrapped around his large back.He smiled at your touch,pulling you closer and kissing your temple before falling asleep with you.

Almost a week later, you were getting ready for the little wedding ceremony Steve planned for the both of you.Natasha was brushing your hair, asking you questions about your life since you arrived home.You knew exactly what she wanted to know but you dodged her every question.She looked at you directly through the mirror and asked you, "Did you guys do it?" she asked teasing.Your cheeks burned, "Nat!".

"What?!...I just wanted to know..."

You finally gave in."Look, we didn't do IT.I just... I don't know... I guess I wanted to wait.."You definitely wanted him, you craved for his touch since the first kiss but, you were nervous.You wanted to be the best for him.Sensing the worry etched on your face, Nat spoke, "He loves you,y/n there's nothing you have to doubt or worry about.".She was right, you knew he loved you since the first day and when you found him taking care of you more than himself, since the day you arrived here.The last Sunday,you were having cramps as usual as your period decided to arrive.Great!Just when you wanted to do it with him.He made you a heating pad and bought way too many chocolates from the store nearby but you didn't complain.Only,you wanted him near you and he gladly joined you on your couch, his warm chest against your back as his hands slid to your lower belly, rubbing gently at your soft skin.Your pain subsided a little from his touch.You sighed then you felt his chest rumble as he asked you,his lips grazing your earlobe"You feel better, baby?".God, this man is gonna be the death of you."Yes, Bucky"you hummed, relaxing into his touch.He pampered you all day, making you food that alleviated your pain.You snapped out of your thoughts when Nat called you.She already put on the light veil and your hair fell the right way.You stood up to look at your dress.It was a simple white satin dress with spaghetti straps."You look beautiful."Nat said, her lips in a smirk.Yes, you did.

You walked to the door with Nat, your bridesmaid, nervous as the door was gonna open any minute, into the aisle.Steve set up a friend of his, to officiate the ceremony.You were finally getting married, you smiled to yourself.

Bucky put on his only suit, his birthday present from Steve.He brushed his hair taking in a deep breath looking at himself in the mirror."Looking good, man!"Steve's voice interrupted his thoughts."You ready?"the best man asked.Bucky replied with a nervous 'yes' as he walked to the aisle waiting for you at it's end.He couldn't wait to be married and be your husband.

The door opened and his eyes met yours and it all felt magical again.You were so beautiful always but now, you were ethereal, walking down the aisle in that white dress, you looked like an angel.His angel.His eyes were blurry with tears of joy and love,already forming and slipping past his cheeks.

You were smiling, cheeks hurting and eyes already teary as you walked towards him slightly faster.His hand reached out to take yours and you gladly gave yours.You left his hand to wipe his tears as he did the same for you.You smiled at each other and you could tell that this was the happiest moment of each of your lives.The officiant began to speak but you were both lost in each other, you could only focus on the way he rubbed his fingers against your hand, comforting you.

The officiant, Mr.Strange, as Steve called him, began to recite the vows for Bucky who repeated..."I, James Barnes, take you, Y/n l/n, to be my wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish always...".He paused before adding,"You are my every dream come true, and I can't wait for the reality we get to build together....".You squeezed his hand, trying to stop crying but to no avail.And the officiant turned to you, to read out the vows, you said after him, "I, Y/n l/n, take you, James Barnes, to be my husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish always....Forever with you simply will not be enough, but from this day forward, I vow to make the most of every moment."you added, gazing at him as he whispered "I love you" with his lips only for you to hear.You finally exchanged rings, the ring that sat on your finger earlier, now yours forever.You slipped the ring, you bought for him, with your savings, etched with the words, 'my love' and the date of the night you met engraved on its inner side.The words, "I do." slipping out from both your lips, in sync as you leaned in to kiss him.One hand held your waist, and the other your cheek as he dipped you, urging you to hold on to him.Your heads feeling fuzzy from the tears and the kiss but, mostly from the kiss, you turned to Nat to see her smiling as she handed you the bouquet and congratulated you.After a while , Steve introduced you to the officiant, who blessed you both for a joyful married life.Sam congratulated you both, joking about how he didn't cry AT ALL even after Steve and Nat saw him bawling his eyes out through their own glassy ones.You returned home, thanking your friends for the hundredth time for this wonderful wedding they planned for you.

He lifted you, bridal style, again, as he walked through the doorstep with you giggling in his arms.You had already removed your veil after he placed you on your feet,to shut the door.He took you up to the bedroom, putting on a record for your 'first dance' as he called it.You smiled up at him as he held out his hand and slow-danced with you around the room.This felt right.Your head rested on his chest as you both swayed to the music.You pulled back a little to look up into his eyes, hoping he could understand you.He understood and thankfully the song ended just in time.You started to kiss him gently,him meeting you halfway.You pulled back to look into his eyes, before beginning to unbutton his vest underneath the jacket.You looked at him for a while, wanting to ask him but before you could, he unbuttoned his vest and took off the jacket.You helped him unbutton the dress shirt, but forgot about the cuffs, making both of you chuckle.He gazed at you, full of adoration and love, as always and kissed your temple while you unbuttoned his cuffs.Your eyes wandered and so did your hands,caressing his shoulders and chest.He looked into your eyes,full of desire, to ask permission to remove your dress.He slipped the straps off your shoulders, as soon as you nodded your head with your bottom lip between your teeth,the dress pooled at your feet in an instant.You were only in lace panties now and too shy to look at him.His hand found the underside of your chin as he lifted your face gently kissing you.

He wanted you as much as you wanted him."You're so beautiful...I really wanna make love to you, baby...I've waited for this,for so long..."he whispered softly against your cheek as his calloused hands found your waist."Please Bucky... Make love to me..You don't know how much I want you..."you said kissing his neck between words and pulling back to lay on the bed.You held out a hand for him to take.He took in the sight of you as he discarded his pants, his mouth agape.You looked so beautiful each time he saw you,and he gazed with more wonder every single time.He smiled at you shyly, a slight dimple forming in his left cheek.He took your hand as he moved toward you, his other hand supporting himself on the bed.Reaching your lips to kiss you fervently, his body warmth engulfed you like the warmth you craved for every winter night.Lips moved against yours perfectly, his tongue coming out to trace your lips, before moving into your mouth as you allowed him to.His hands roamed your body, his fingertips grazing along the sides of your body,teasing you,that made goosebumps erupt on your soft skin.Your hand held on to his back, exploring it with your soft hands and urging him to press himself closer to you.He relished in your soft touch, letting out a breathy moan.Lips traced along your neck kissing and biting gently, as your hands moved through his hair.He reached down to wrap his lips around your nipple eliciting a moan from you, as he fondled with the other.Lips returned to your own as his hands moved down to your dripping center,fingers reaching only to your sensitive nub through your panties, before looking at you.

You nodded, eyes half lidded and pupils blown wide with desire,just like his were.His fingers slowly removed the only piece of clothing on you and gently reached into your pussy, feeling every inch of you.Your eyes rolled to the back of your head ,as he thrusted two fingers slowly.You were so tight and wet,already clenching around his fingers.You moans getting frequent and higher as his thrusts gained speed and hit that sweet spot inside you."Come on,baby,Let go for me.."Your orgasm rippled through your body,your walls fluttering around his fingers as his eyes adored your ecstatic face.He brought the fingers into his mouth,sucking it,never breaking eye contact as you blushed even more at the sight.You pulled him in to kiss you,tasting yourself on his lips"You taste heavenly...Wanna taste you the whole night.."he whispered in between your kisses.

His hips were rutting against yours,his cock begging to be inside you.It looked painfully hard,with a red tip already dripping pearls of precum onto your lower belly.He caught you looking at him,

"Please,Bucky.."

"Please what, doll?"

"I want to feel you..."

Now, how could he say no to that.He wanted to make you feel good with his head between your thighs as his tongue explored you and tasted you,and he was sure to do it another time.He wanted to feel you now.He could not wait any longer, he needed to be inside you, feel you all around him.He grabbed the base of his cock, gently covering his tip with the wetness of your folds.His brows furrowed as he thrust ever so slowly, and God, you were so perfect.You were so soft and warm and perfect and tight, you were completely blowing his mind.Your walls struggled to accommodate his girth and length, you gasped at the slight sting as he slowly thrust into you.

He didn't move for a few seconds, waiting for you to adjust,his head pressing into your neck and the side of your face, all the while, his mind short circuiting from the way your walls gripped him when your legs wrapped around his waist and your hips moved on its own as if asking him to thrust.And, he did, he kept thrusting as he groaned and whimpered sweet things into your ear.

"You feel so good, baby... I love you... I don't think I'm gonna last long... gonna make me cum so fast...You're so perfect...Love you so much,doll...".

You were moaning, and could barely form sentences from the way he thrust so deliciously, hitting your g-spot over and over again making you see stars."L-loove.."you were gasping and whimpering with each thrust, hitting that spot just the right way , "...love y-you, buckyy.."you managed to cry out as his thrusts became sloppier.He shut his eyes tight at the euphoric feeling,as he felt both of your orgasms approaching.

He was crying now,tears slipping past his cheeks and onto the area between your neck and cheek.He spilled endless ropes of cum into you, as he kept breathing your name over and over, barely able to thrust now as he felt your warm walls quivering.You were nearing orgasm as you felt hot tears on your neck.You felt him twitch inside you as you called out his name, like a prayer legs shaking from the blissful orgasm you two shared.Arms held on to his biceps as he fell gently on top of you.You could feel his warm seed dripping deep in you.Your cheeks and neck were dry with both of your tears and lips swollen from his kisses as you enjoyed the weight of him on you.He was still inside you, when you gently turned your face to kiss his tears away.

You laid there for a while, sleepy and exhausted from the actions earlier.Your bodies shined with a layer of sweat as you laid together, legs tangled and arms wrapped around.After a few, 'I love you's were exchanged, repeatedly, your eyes began to droop, his following not long after."Good night,Mrs.Barnes"he breathed,making you smile and tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear, "Sweet dreams,Mr.Barnes" you muttered back,kissing the tip of his nose.He smiled softly and pulled you in closer, lips brushing your forehead, as sleep overtook the both of you.

Taglist : @rebloggingmyrecs

[someoneinjersey]

made it through the weekend and even was able to go get some things done before we went and picked Bizzy up from her babysitter. i got my oil changed and i wanted to throw a fit because it cost $68. Ten years ago I could go right down the road and get an oil change for less than $25. what the actual fuck. so goddamn aggravating. told my mom about it and how as usual i'm not even a week into the month and basically all my disability money is gone. all she said was "welcome to adulthood. sad." and i swear i wanted to reach through the phone and shake the shit outta her. last week or the week before, kate and i had a big not-fight and during our talk afterwards we discussed how since my mom is my single biggest trigger and/or the source of seemingly unrelated triggers, i need to go back and make more boundaries or reinforce the ones i tried to put in place a while ago. and i was like hm, okay, i'll have to think about how i can broach the subject of say, being in contact like once a week unless something comes up maybe. then the very next day mom hit me with "you know i think if you didn't come to see me in october i wouldn't have survived" and i just threw my fucking hands in the air and gave up. idk what to fucking do and i don't have a therapist anymore and i'm extra moody about it all right now because i started my period four days late.

in any case regarding money, i was able to not mooch off kate all weekend since we went away so early in the month, and so the only things i "treated" myself to (besides food which is 50/50 on whether or not it's a treat or making life easier or whatever) was a denim boiler suit from walmart, potting soil, four pots, and a grow lamp so i can repot and move the four plants that live on the kitchen windowsill. i've never kept plants alive this long so i don't intend on letting them die yet, so they're getting bigger pots and new soil and i'll likely move them into my bedroom. probably switch night stands and stick them on the one in the far corner with the grow lamp. i wish we had places to put them out in the house but A we get zero sun B the aloe plant and chrysanthemum aren't good for the cats and C i'm the only one that takes care of them anyway so they might as well just stay in my space. and it's also like, is it "treating" myself to something if it's keeping a living thing alive? idk. and the denim boilersuit looks so fucking cute i have no regrets spending $28 on it.

it's still incredibly weird drinking coffee every day but it has been helping my moods, surprisingly. i also make myself have a cup of tea (usually decaffeinated green tea) before bed. i'm still keeping up with my planner, though i'm letting myself slide when it comes to my little goal of reading every day. if i blow through too many stories too fast i burn out, so i'm taking my current book slowly and giving myself some grace to take days off. i've eaten like shit since thursday what with being away from home (and today being busy and too tired to cook) so i've noticed i feel not as good in that respect but i can get back on track maybe by tomorrow. maybe. still being exhausted and also being in my period doesn't really bode well for having the energy to make healthy meals or being able to deny my period mood cravings. i have a very unhealthy relationship with food. my feelings inside turn foul and evil if i can't have exactly what i want to eat when i want it if i have a craving. it might actually be psychotic.

i have some things i've been wanting to write, little fanfic ideas. or maybe not so little. but i can't activate that switch in my brain to actually do it. i have hang ups. a lot of them. bah

oh and i left my apple watch on the other side of the state like a fuckin champ. night yall

[wraenata]

i was tagged by fellow raven enthusiast @redstringraven, thank you! I hope you have a wonderful weekend!

Oops I trauma dumped in some of these what a surprise

share your wallpaper:

My phone lock screen is a alternating picture of my cat Sally, or her sister Jenny who passed two years ago. In both photos they look like super models <3

My computer wallpaper is a alternating slideshow of like over 100 landscape and animal photos. Idk I got them from the microsoft store free at one point. They change every 30 minutes. I like the variety.

last song you listened to:

For some reason when I got home today I decided to watch the amazing Reverse animatic and then since I am finally using a new browser Firefox it started auto playing and went to the Roaring 20s animatic, and my brain decided to listen to that on repeat the entire night. I do not know why.

currently reading:

SO MANY FANFIC and I'm behind on all of them

On my immediate list to catch up right now are

We'll Meet Again Soon by chiangyorange

all the ashes in my wake by paperxcrowns

Change of Perspective by characcoon

last movie you watched:

Honestly have no idea. Probably the Rise movie. In two weeks it will be Spider-Verse and I will not be normal about it.

craving:

Energy to be alive

what are you wearing right now:

Yeah I get home from work at 3:30, finish dinner before 4:30, shower and in my jammies by 5 pm. This is how I live my life haha. It is a bit cool today so I opted for my big pink sweatshirt from a campground.

how tall are you:

5 foot 4 inches just barely, which is 162.56 cm according to an online converter. I'm short.

piercings:

So my ears were actually pierced when I was like 3 or something by my parents' friend. No I don't think she asked permission haha. Anyway I had to have an x-ray done not a year later so the earings came out and never went back in. My parents religion we converted into though actually did not allow piercings, so I never got them repierced. No jewelry was allowed. Some of the more strict southern churches didn't allow even wedding bands.

tattoos:

None. Tattoos were literally the reason my mom made us leave the normal church and go to the cult one. Tattoos were not allowed. Maybe I'll get one some day but it's not something I really think I need. But nothing is stopping me anymore if I wanted to.

glasses? contacts?:

4 eyes that's me :) Got glasses in 6th grade yay. I'm not super blind but unless I'm pretty close I'm losing out on a lot of details. Had to buy special prescription safety glasses for my lab job. When I'm at home I don't wear them. Details not important.

last drink:

I literally only drink water. And I drink a lot of it. Gave up soda when I was like 8 because I was afraid of wasps getting in the can. I don't drink alcohol or juice. Maybe a hot cocoa or tea but that is very rare.

last thing i ate:

Sugar snap peas! I love them <3

last show:

Lets be honest it was rise.

favorite color:

I like a forest green. But also I love pastels. I do not like red. You can thank my mom for that.

current obsession:

Rise of the TMNT. Also Spider-Verse.

unrelated obsession:

Nature related strategy board games. My favorites are Wingspan and Everdell but I have so.many.board.games. I got into the hobby because it was the only thing I could tolerate spending time with my mom with but now I don't want to do that anymore, so the games have gone unplayed since Christmas.

any pets:

My 19 year old tortie Sally! She is deaf and a box of rocks and so expensive with her health problems but I love her to bits. She's my baby and has been with me through everything.

do you have a crush on anyone:

I mean I had crushes in school but, oh shocker I was never allowed by my parents to date. And even then it had to be a fellow pentecostal and I sure as hell wasn't going to do that. I was too bogged down with family issues to ever consider it even after I left. I don't know if I'm capable of loving someone? Idk I have always had a huge identity crisis of who I am and what I want. But I also don't want to be alone forever. It's complicated.

favorite fictional characters:

Ninja turtles, Rise Casey Jones, Nightcrawler (Kurt Wagner), Peter Parker, Miles Morales, Spider Gwen, Snoopy, Cinderpelt.

the last place you traveled to:

Ugh, the bachelorette party of my nightmares this past weekend. It was in a tourist town a few hours away. Unless work counts cause I went to work this morning.

tagging I'm not going to tag anyone because this is a lot, but if you would like to do it I encourage you to!

[1d1195]

Ohhhh Sam, THANK YOU SO MUCHHH I FEEL SO PROUD this term i was very busy with my auntie bwcause she was visting us (she lives in france and its been 4 years since she last visited) so i was busy with my cousins and trying to show them around before their time is over with us :(

SAM you ARE incredible😭 we work in a pharmacy together (she's a pharmacist, but I work with cosmetics), so yeahhh she's been talking about this whitening cleanser that has some great reviews, and she's not taking care of herself enough because our older siblings are troubles, so the house is full of drama all the damn time😭😡 and I might just try and buy that cleanser for her it'll be hard tho as we're in the same place but I may ask my brother who's working the night shift to get it (yes all my siblings are pharmacists I am the exception)😭

You absolutely seem like a birthday person it's obvious that you really love to gift people and see their smiles since you're always very kind💕 I hope you stay that way! But don't get yourself hurt. My mom says the kindest people get the most hurt :(

So you think the photo session would make her happy? Idk I'm always hesitant😭 I'll have to make a big-girl decision

I'm so happy to know that you're doing better. You deserve that girlie. Your hair seems so soft and fluffy and really healthy, which is awesome! I know I said my hair is a little longer than usual but it's not healthy🙈 lmao I'm a hijabi and spend most of my time out so when I get an opportunity to take care of my hair I do but I think I made my mind a few days ago I was combing my hair and I think long hear suits me. ANYWAYS THAT WAS NOT NEEDED BUT EHH

I just love self-care, so I love to talk about it. I'm not over the fact that I'm a junior, tho. Oh, btw I recently discovered that I have ADHD like.. it's not thar common here, but I had my doubts, but then I saw an interview with two kids one has ADHD and the other does not,I found myself acting like the other girl and it just snapped to me, but then again don't we all have ADHD😭😭

IM IN LOVE WITH FLOWER (I think that's it, right?😭 sorry!) I saw the new update I'll read it right after finishing my ranting session. Have you read any book from the Twisted series? I bought it recently and the first book is taking me ages to finish it, it's not boring but the chapters are heavily written.

Do you have any pets??? I love birds and cats, but I had two birds a few years back, but we were traveling constantly and it was hard to leave th so I gave them to my cousin but I think they run away😭 but! I reaaaally want a little kitten, duh.

Sam thank you so much for helping take care pleaaase🩷🩷🎀

Oh btw a question just popped. Do you ever wonder about the anons? Like their names and stuff, I find MYSELF wondering lol😭 yalla byeee🏃🏻‍♀️‍➡️

🎀-anon 🙈

OH WAIT I ALWAYS REMEMBER STUFF AFTER SENDING THE MESSAGE, TOOTHPASTE IS SO DEVINE!!!! I love that she's confident, she can't hold her tongue and it's just so cute that he asked her on a date on that note it was so cute you're always writing cute stuff I don't know if I'll melt from it or the weather

--

That's so sweet you got to see your family 💕 My family is crazy and I love them but it's never relaxing when they're around. It's nice you got to see them after so long.

That's really cool you work with your family. It's nice! I'm sure your sister will appreciate the cleanser! Especially where it's something you talked about with her. The photo session would be nice too! I think that would be really special as well, so whatever you decide she will love I'm sure 💕

I think unfortunately your mom might be right. I hurt my own feelings more than anything. It's because I want a me in my own life to do what I do for others and it just doesn't happen lol. Shakespeare's got something on how expectation is the root of all heartache. It's very true. But thank you, I'm trying to be better about my self worth and whatnot and lower my expectations hahahahah

My hair is sometimes soft and definitely fluffy. One time I straightened it and my friend couldn't find me in the lunch room. The problem is that like one degree of moisture sets it into a complete frizz. It's looking healthier now but it looked pretty raggedy not too long ago 😂 I really love long hair though so it sounds like you made a good decision!

Idk what I have but I need to be studied 😂 I read a lot about how ADHD and anxiety presents differently in women than in men (naturally) so I probably have one or more diagnoses in my future. It's cool you connected with the person though and recognized similarities in yourself. Even just getting comfortable with the idea of being ADHD or whatever, I think, is an important step in coping and figuring out how to navigate everyday life 😊 Hopefully that makes sense!

I have not read Twisted, but I've heard good things. I'm not sure I want something deep right now though. This tbr shelf of mine is out of control lol.

No pets for me. I'm pretty allergic to pet dander. Cats especially. I'm def more a dog person than a cat person as well. I love all baby animals though, kittens are so sweet!

I WONDER ALL THE TIME ABOUT MY ANONS. I think about everyone's name and where they live. It's really fun to imagine but I wish I could have a huge Harry Styles themed party and hug everyone.

I'm starting to really love toothpaste. I'm glad you liked it 💕

stay cool and don't melt! Much love 💕

xoxo

[nathank77]

5/23/24

7:50 a.m Significantly Added to/ Edited 8:10 p.m

So in other news they did the wake and funeral all at once. At 10 a.m this morning the wake was scheduled to 1 p.m and then they had the funeral. I didn't go cause of the time. My mother went and my sister. My whole gaint Italian family was there even my grandma from North Carolina. I wish I went. I wish my circadian rhythm wasn't so fucked up. Why do i wish I went?

When I asked my therapists about it (which Erin may not be my therapist as of June 😒 she's going to ask the board for one more month, then I will have to up my time with Mike to twice a week.. cause yea I'm not getting discriminated against by 50 plus therapists). But anyways when I asked them their response was- the funeral/wake is for the living. And I was like shit they are right. I'd be going for my dad. It wasn't really an option with the time. If it was someone I loved who died I would have taken like 1.5mg of xanax at like 8 p.m the night before to get there but it would have really fucked with my tolerance which could fuck me over long term... a 1mg wouldn't surfice... especially when I took one the night before for my t-shot.

I want to see my grandmother before she leaves but idk if I can tbh. Psychosis plays a role and my circadian rhythm and money issue gas isn't cheap... beyond that things are weird when you're trans... you always worry about those family members who don't see you often fucking up and in turn making you feel like shit.

Either way I wish I could have gone.. idk what to do about my grandma

In other news, I'm going to watch movies with my mom. She's ordering Chinese food. I truly don't want the food... but she wants it. I want to stay on my diet... yea I'm going to eat the egg rolls and the rice and chicken and enjoy it but- I'd rather stay skinny. I'd rather enjoy my waistline than food. And my nice thin face that looks more masculine with each passing day.

Other than that I guess I'll spend the day after the movies watching Dexter. I mean- I watched 5 episodes. There is so much dialogue and narration it actually worked with my hallucination... I feel like the white mulberries and cbd are helping...... but I still got a long way to go. The video I made is more informative. I don't want to write it all out... but it's still chronic and constant... however I do see a difference especially since going to 2000mg of white mulberries.

Beyond that, I have decided what my middle name is going to be and maybe the name I change my first name to and keep Nathan as a middle thanks to my hallucination ruining Nathan for me.... cause I can't think Nathan without thinking my deadname.... I won't use my new name in my head without adding other names to it for a reason...

I'm a Dexter. I remember I went to the courthouse with the paperwork signed but it was closed, i had it filled out to be Nathan Dexter..... why did I hesitate with Dexter?

1) what if people didn't take me seriously cause Dexter is such a dorky name and like no one is named that...and I'm trans.... I wanted my identity to be taken seriously...

2) The D for the middle initial... my dad being David... I didn't want people to think i was Nathan David but now that me and my dad are good (I think) idc... I'd consider David but he wouldn't want that. I actually like the name.. I will respect him..

3) I thought it was the show... but it really isn't. I identify with it and I like it and I always come back to it and the only reason I wouldn't do it mostly is reason 1) what if people won't take me seriously?

So I'm either going to be Dexter Nathan. Or Nathan Dexter. Or Dexter Nathaniel or Nathaniel Dexter.

I mean judge me as you will but that fucking association is so fucking strong. I can't even use the name Nate. In my head cause then it'll ruin that one too..... Nathan is Nathan deadname. deadname Nathan... I can use Nate... but not in my head... it isn't associated.. no one calls me Nathan....

So I very well may have my first name changed to Dexter or Nathaniel.. even though I love the name Nathan and I changed my name from Nathaniel to nathan so people would call me Nathan... no one does though anyways......

I am not a Kyle... no matter how much I like Nathan K. I fucking love that but I am not a Kyle. I do not identify with it at all.

[cmivr]

[ HOWL'S MOVING CASTLE SPOILERS ]⠀hhhi i shifted to camilo's moving castle last night so that was pog have a storytime of the first day i was there <333 - @merymikey @madrigl @fgdsshgsdf @tyngluv @fluffy-the-satyr

♡⠀( i scripted that my dr would take place over the span of a few weeks rather than like a few days in the original movie- i also scripted that like,, i wouldn't remember what i scripted?? so everything would be a surprise for me in my dr, and i could act of my own accord )

♡⠀i woke up in the hat shop!! it was really cute and pretty, damn, i was also really cute and pretty JNSJNAJAN it was really cool, i could smell the smoke from the train and the fabrics and the strong ass perfume of my adoptive mom and co-workers outside,, the whole chit chatting scene from the movie happened and a few mins later i walked home

♡⠀two douches approached me and started flirting with me, i got really uncomfy, blah blah blah, then wowowjosjijwojw an arm wraps around my shoulders

♡⠀he wasn't soft-spoken like howl was in the movie 😔. was not graceful or subtle in the slightest, mf literally stumbled forward, and put almost all his weight on me, and was super fucking LOUD ANAJAN

"heyyy!! lay off on the pretty little lady guys!" the guards quirked a brow at the young man, the redhead speaking up; "who are you-" he let out a giggle "none of your business, now be on your merry way!"

♡⠀HE WAS SO PRETTY SJAAJNAAA his hair was a bit longer? he looked the same- but like,,, ugh,,, the black skinny jeans(??),, the rings,,, the tiny heart earrings,,, the really fuckin oversized white shirt JHSNDE!?!?!?!? and then i was interrupted with a "like what you see?" smh 💀👊

♡⠀the big black blob guys started chasing us and he rolled his eyes like "oh my fucking GOD it's them again, let's go" and i was just confused as fuck like TANGINA NADAMAY PA AKO?? he took me to an intersection in the alleyway, they were coming from all directions and WOOSH!!! HE TOOK ME UP INTO THE SKY AND I ALMOST CRIED

♡⠀he helped me calm down and walk in the air properly, and he was very gentle ajnsjdne he had an arm wrapped around my waist and the wind was lightly blowing through his hair ack ang pogi shet 🤤. he was like "you're doing great, good job" and my heart was going JNUHSIJIJ019u91i!(U!((!)(@!>

♡⠀and then he dropped me off in the balcony of my family's bakery / mansion,, and he gave me this BIG TOOTHY GRIN UGHFHDH AND was like

"i'll draw em off, don't worry! though you might wanna wait a little before heading back out" his thumb caressed over the back of my hand in a soothing manner "o...okay.. thank you.." "that's my girl" he flashed me a smirk, and with a swish of his cape, he was out of sight

♡⠀i just stood there for a good 2 minutes,,,, like,, crying,,,, 🤩🤩🤩

♡⠀anyways i spoke with my sister lettie and she was,, blonde,, pretty,, really neat and wearing pink poofy clothes, basically the opposite of me, but she was really nice to me!! she genuinely cared and kept fussing about the guy who walked me through the sky to my balcony, and saying like if it were camilo, i might've been dead--

♡⠀blah blah blah, we had a nice talk- i went back to my lil hat shop,, it was like 10pm by then and some LADY!?!?!? BREAKS INTO MY SHOP. i was scared. like really fuckin scared she was belittling me, insulting me, and then saying something about camilo paying her a visit and then SHE DID STH TO ME, and next thing i know she was gone and i'm an old fucking hag 🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️

♡⠀GUYS PLS CHERISH AND RESPECT UR GRANDPARENTS OMFG IT IS SO HARD AND SO SCARY BEING OLD JWNAJNAJA MY BACK WAS SO PAINFUL,, I WAS SO SLOW AND I FELT SO WEAK IT WAS NOT FUN AT ALL,,

♡⠀i considered like,, running away or spending the night at my shop,, but like idk how long the spell would last, i had no money, no food, i couldn't hide from them forever!! so i HAD TO WALK HOME IN A BIG ASS BLANKET TO HIDE MYSELF FROM MY FAMILY JANJANJAA IT WAS PATHETIC

♡⠀took me about an hour and a half to get back home, and by the time i was there i already like, started packing because i knew i needed to like break the curse and shit because i am an independent woman / senior citizen 💀💀💀💥 and yes i fell alseep crying bc wow lowkey traumatic shit

jnajasnjasnj do i do another part,, i don't really have too much to share from that dr since i only spent a week there so far 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

[willsimpforazula]

fight night part 1(?)

remember that wip of the steambabies being rebellious and shit...? well it seems that plot bunny just won't die even after dropping the tsar bomba on it so here it is....part 2(part 1.1? idk anymore time is a social construct) anyways.....

*someone pls halp glib title inspo many tanks

Locker room

Warehouse 8, West Port

Republic City

"I'm starting to think that you get a kick out of bossing me around." Miska sighed, as he bent the water back into the waterskin, glad to be done fixing up the myriad of cuts, scraps and sideburns that his sister picked up after a night of street bending tournaments. 

"Only took you twelve years."

"I swear by the spirits if half the boys knew what the real you looked like, they wouldn't be simping for you as hard as they are now."

"Don't forget who set you up with her. You owe me for that." 

"At least she doesn't volunteer you for underground bending cage matches."

"So boring." she tutted.

"I'd like to not spend the night in the police holding cell, thank you very much. Besides, even if the cops don't get us, dad would skin us alive, to say nothing of what mom would do." Miska countered, a shudder running down his spine as to the myriad possibilities that awaited them should they be caught.

"If they find out."

"You think they wouldn't know?"

"We'll be fine. Besides, I've got standards to maintain and you've got someone to support."

"You make it sound like she's like my wife or something."

"Wouldn't you want to put a ring on that finger?"

"Well….I mean, yes, but we're like sixteen so no?"

"But there's a plan right? Because if you don't and break her heart…."

"Umm yeah you're not breaking anything, not in the state you're in."

"I hate it when you're right." Risa mumbled, reluctantly conceding the small victory to her brother.

"Once again, the younger sibling provides a voice of reason and rationality as the Spirits intended." 

"Whatever makes you happy." 

"Was that metaphorical or an actual question? Because if it is, I'd be really happy if we got paid about right fucking now."

Before Risa could come up with an equally snarky retort, a knock on the door interrupted her thoughts and she immediately reached under the bleacher, where she stashed a throwing dart in case anyone wanted to even the score post match. 

"Who is it?"

"It's me, Su."

"Come in."

"You look way too tense for someone with a seven straight win streak. You should be proud of yourself." she commented, arms folded across her chest as she surveyed the scene, pleased with how the match results turned out.

"I don't like that tone of yours. Where's the cash?"

"About that….."

"Don't play fuck fuck games with me. I sure as hell ain't putting my neck on the line for seven nights for free. Do you or do you not have it?"

"Did your brother ever tell you you've got a hair-trigger temper?"

"I'll answer your questions as soon as we get paid and we're all out of this joint, I can't shake the feeling some sore loser is going to do something stupid."

Shaking her head, Suyin tossed a small bag of cash to them.

"It's all there, I swear on the badgermoles."

"Pretty sure I saw more cash exchanged hands than this." Miska snorted as he counted out the money.

"Well y'know, I had to pay off my debts and all that jazz as well. Plus, do y'know how much coin I had to front for each of your matches?"

"For a Beifong I thought you were supposed to be good with money." was Risa's reply.

"Ha ha very funny. I held up my end of the bargain, you did yours so I'd say we're done." With that, Suyin exited the room, to which they both breathed a sigh of relief.

"Could you stand up?"

"Please, I'm not that fragile." 

"Then don't come looking for me the next time you get into a scrap. Now let's go home and pray to the spirits mom or dad aren't still up."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Forty-five minutes later….

"No we're not taking the elevator."

"Why not?"

"You do realise the elevator goes directly to our front door right?"

"And?"

"What if mom or dad is awake?"

At this, Risa put on her kicked puppy face and pleaded "My legs hurt."

"Sucks to be you."

"Pweese?"

"Fine….we'll take it up to the second last floor. That's it."

"Are you-"

"Absolutely not."

"I'll pay you extra ten yuan."

"Thirty."

"Fifteen."

"Twenty-five, plus forty percent of my share up front."

"Such an extortionist." she grumbled, reluctantly pulling out her brother's cut. Guess that fancy dress will just have to wait, she sighed internally.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Next morning,

Risa's door

Having mentally consoled herself in the shower by settling for a new set of earrings and a pair of heels instead of the outfit that she'd been eyeing for over a month, Risa flopped onto her bed and fell fast asleep, tiredness hitting her like a sledgehammer. Consequently, she didn't hear her alarm clock screeching at her in disapproval, nor the knocking on her door by Azula, who was rather concerned that her normally punctual kids were nowhere to be seen when it was time for them to catch the tram.

Whilst Miska was relatively easy to rouse from sleep, she knew that her daughter was in some respects, an equal to her own temper if her sleep was disturbed. Granted, she had mostly grew out of it but the scorch marks that Sokka somehow managed to disguise as part of the wall painting was a reminder that there was a fire-breathing dragon under her Water Tribe features.

Then again, it takes a dragon to tame a dragon.

"Risa, wake up or you're going to be late."

"Risa!"

"I'm coming in on three. One, two…"

Bursting into her daughter's room, she found a mass of blankets and pillows rising and falling steadily atop a large bed. Striding purposefully, she walked over to shake her awake when out of the corner of her eye, she spotted a large thick envelope sitting on her dressing table that looked suspiciously like money. Filling that away for later, she firmly grasped her daughter's shoulder and shook her, earning a groan and a clumsy attempt at swatting away the rude intrusion on her sleep.

After two minutes of constant nagging and shaking, Azula decided enough was enough and she ripped away the protective layer of blankets, exposing her to the nippy autumn air, which seemed to have done the trick. On the downside, Azula was definitely sure she and her daughter were going to have a long talk about the usage of certain words given her parents' status, namely chieftain and princess respectively in addition to being councillors of Republic City.

With having been so rudely (in Risa's opinion) awakened, her instinct was to hurl a fireball at the offending part while cursing their family lineage, she reluctantly sat up and blinked a few times before the images that her eyes were beaming back registered in her mind. It took a few seconds more to realise that her mother was in fact, not looking very pleased and a few more precious seconds to grasp that she had essentially cussed out her mother, who was currently rolling said fireball back and forth between her fingers like a coin.

"Oh shit." 

"Oh shit indeed, young lady. I ought to wash that mouth of yours with extra strength detergent."

Taking a gulp, Risa did not dare look her mother in the eye and mumbled an apology, half expecting her mother's palm to make contact with her cheek at any moment. Instead, she heard the sound of the door closing and her mother's footsteps heading in the direction of the dressing table.

"So…care to explain to me exactly what this might be?"

"That's….um…money?"

"Indeed, it is." Pulling out the wad, Azula briefly counted before placing it back on the dressing table. "Care to explain how exactly it is that a sixteen year old is suddenly in possession of what, nine thousand yuan if my count is correct?"

"I-well, there was-"

"Based on the eyebags around your eyes, the half healed bruises on your arms and legs and your overall state, I'd wager you were in an underground bending match last night? I can recognize your brother's healing work, so don't lie. Did you or did you not compete in such matches?"

"Y-y-yes mother."

"And what made you decide this was a good idea?"

"It seemed like a good idea at the time." she replied, embarrassed by her own answer. 

"Come again?"

"I said it seemed like a good idea at the time." Risa repeated, her face in her hands, half expecting her mother to go ballistic from her answer.

"Tell me the truth, Risa. Who set you and your brother up? Look, I won't lie that I am very very disappointed with what you've done but I need to know to protect you from any potential blowback."

"Su-Suyin did. She needed my help with-with some money problems and-well, she promised me a cut."

"And it didn't cross your mind that maybe there was a catch or that you could be seriously hurt?"

"That-that's what Miska was for."

"So you thought far enough ahead to rope your brother in as a healer but not that you'd get seriously hurt or Agni forbid, killed in one of these matches?"

"I didn't think about it. I mean, you're like the world's best firebender, s-so so um…yeah I really, really, really screwed up didn't I?" Risa answered, face still hidden in her hands while internally cringing at the very words exiting her mouth. 

Taking a deep breath, Azula weighed her options. Either she could discipline her daughter and son the way she and Zuko were when they were kids or use a different means of getting the point across (the means of which was yet to be determined, but definitely Sokka was getting roped in; they were his kids as well after all). Mulling in silence, she contemplated the pros and cons of each decision, whilst Risa stewed in nervous silence. 

"Y-y-you're not going to disown us or kick us out of the house, are you?" her daughter asked timidly, unable to bear the silence any longer. Hearing her voice, she could almost picture the nervous quiver in her lip and tears that were held back but only just. At this, motherly instinct took over and she embraced her, patting her on her back while she sniffled and sobbed. 

"Not in a million years, your father and I will never do that."

"Really?" 

"Really. That being said, there still will be consequences. For starters, I am confiscating your prize money and donating it all to charity. No if ands or buts. Now go wash your face while I talk with your brother."

[maybeimamuppet]

little miss perfect

howdy my muppets!! happy day!! i'm not gonna get specific bc idk when you're reading this but i hope it's a great one!!

as you can probably tell by the title, this is a little miss perfect au based on the song by joriah kwamé (yes, i finally went for the little miss perfect fic. but with a twist bc i am so goddamn sick of these having sad endings!!) also if the lyrics are incorrect at any point, that is not my doing!! i honestly just googled them and then copy and pasted them into my notes ://

tw for:

bullying

internalized homophobia

toxic friendships

alcohol

low self esteem

burnout

and as always if i've missed something, please let me know so i can add it (also a note: if you've read my old stuff and noticed a warning i've missed, please let me know anyway!! it doesn't have to be for the most recent fics. anyway.)

enjoy!!

—————

Straight hair, straight A's, straightforward

Cady’s hair has always been naturally curly.

She used to love matching her lions in Africa and just letting her hair have its own way.

When she moves to the US, on her very first day of school, she loses track of how many people make fun of her wild hair by the time she makes it to homeroom.

She goes home and begs her mom to buy her a hair straightener.

Straight path, I don't cut corners

Cady’s life has always been laid out for her. There have been a few small wrenches thrown in things along the way, but the gist remains the same. Graduate, study math or science in college, get a job that pays a decent salary. Marry a nice, wealthy man, have 2.3 perfect children.

She’s fine with that.

I make a point to be on time

Being late has always stressed her out. Missing out on something important is the worst thing that could possibly happen.

Becoming Plastic makes it worse. If she arrives a second too late to a party or lunch, she risks complete and utter catastrophe. Being ostracized now would ruin her. Her image is all she has.

Head out the student council

Joining the Mathletes is a risk.

But so is everything she does. Studying and Mathletes practices give her a productive outlet for some of that stress. And nobody has to know. The Plastics would never be caught dead around the Mathletes. Cady wears her polo under her pink dresses and hides the collar with uncomfortable denim vests. It works for a while.

I don't black out at parties

Alcohol and drugs have always terrified Cady. She has a family history of addiction, and the effects don’t sound… desirable.

But the thing she’s most afraid of is losing control.

It happened once at a party. Regina talked her into doing shots. Cady decided she liked the burn of vodka and downed seven in ten minutes. The regret kicked in as the last was sliding down her throat. One hospital trip for alcohol poisoning and being banished from the lunch table for a week was enough to confirm the fact that alcohol is not to be trifled with.

I jam to Paul McCartney

Cady doesn’t understand American music. It all seems to be about drugs, sex, or… cows, given the bit of country music she’s been exposed to. Damian shows her some show tunes, and she likes those. She can actually understand what they’re saying, which is nice.

But her favorites will always be the ones she listened to with her dad in Kenya. Learning the words to the Beatles songs over the radio while spending late nights up past bedtime with her dad, cleaning research equipment or driving around in the Jeep to observe the night habits of the animals.

Those will forever have a special place in her heart.

If you ask me how I'm doing, I'll say

Well, hmm…

Cady knows she’s losing it. Burning the candle at both ends, fraying her rope, running on empty, whatever you want to call it. The grip on popularity she’s working so hard to hold is slipping out of her grasp like grains of sand.

It was nice while it lasted.

I was adopted when I was two

Cady was adopted a year before her family moved to Kenya. They love her more than anything.

My parents spoiled me rotten

She never wanted for anything as a child.

Even in Kenya, her parents found ways to give her all the toys and books and cool things she could ever want.

Often I ask myself, what did I do

Except a friend. Someone to talk to.

To get as far as I've gotten?

But does she really deserve everything she has now?

A pretty girl walks by my locker

Janis Sarkisian is an issue.

My heart gives a flutter, but I don't dare utter a word

They’re friends. Of course they are.

But every time they touch, it burns in the best way. Every time they look at each other, there’s some undertone to it thrumming inside the both of them.

'Cause that would be absurd behaviour for Little Miss Perfect

Neither of them acknowledge it.

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na

No, I can't risk falling off my throne

Because it isn’t safe.

Cady can’t risk losing her status and everything she’s worked so hard for.

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

Love is something I don't even know

Janis can’t risk putting her heart on the line again.

Straight hair, straight A's

So Cady focuses even harder on her schoolwork.

Sure, the Plastics make fun of her. But the alternative is worse.

She turns her straightening iron a little hotter.

Straightforward, straight girl

She wishes they made one for people.

But she’s not gay, of course.

Little Miss Perfect, that's me

Now, bisexual is another story altogether.

One night, my friend stayed over

Cady invites Janis over for a sleepover about a week after the Queen Bee gets her spine rearranged by a bus. Change is on the horizon, one way or another.

But a sleepover is still a dangerous move given the thoughts she’s been desperately stamping down, lately.

We laughed, and drink and ordered

Janis shows her Disney movies she’s missed and introduces her to the wondrous world of Vine. They dance around Cady’s bedroom in their pajamas like crazy people in between bites of pizza and sips of soda with the occasional shot. Another dangerous move.

Something about her drew me in

There’s always been something about Janis that Cady has found intriguing. Maybe it’s the half dyed hair, or the makeup, or the boots, or the painted jackets, or the fishnet tights. Or maybe it’s how soft those lips buried under all that lipstick must be, how silky those blonde ends must feel, how much Cady wants to steal those jackets or feel those fishnets beneath her fingertips.

What? It's totally platonic

Yeah, right, Cady.

That night was so exciting

Cady’s never felt like this before. They’ve been friends from the day she moved to America, but somehow they also weren’t before this. They get to know each other on a personal level as they hang upside down off of Cady’s bed and stare at her white walls covered in black and white photos.

Her smirks were so enticing

Something in the way Janis looks at her makes Cady feel dangerous, somehow. Like she’s willing to risk it all for that cheesy smirk. She could stare at the mischievous glint that’s somehow ever present in those chocolate brown eyes for hours.

Hours speed by like seconds

Maybe she did. It’s nine o’ clock before either of them are really aware of it. They’ve been lying side by side on Cady’s bed for two hours straight, talking about everything and nothing at the same time. What happened?

Then, what happens is iconic

There’s something building, between the two of them.

They can both feel it.

She takes a sip, I bite my lip

Cady can’t bring herself to look away from Janis’ lips as she takes a swig of her sugary sweet soda.

She tells a joke, I nearly choke

The joke is maybe the stupidest she’s ever heard.

“Which side of a chicken has more feathers?”

“What?”

“The outside.”

But Cady loses it regardless. Coming from anyone else she would have scoffed, maybe even rolled her eyes. But from Janis it’s the funniest thing she’s ever heard. Janis watches in amusement as Cady laughs so hard she nearly rolls off her bed and falls to the ground, barely catching herself before a very unfortunate end to the giggles. What’s happening?

She braids my hair, I sit there

“Your hair is so soft.”

“Thanks. I have to use a pretty good conditioner.”

“Smells good, too.”

“That’s a little creepy.”

Blacking out for the first time

Cady sits on her hands to stop them shaking, digs her nails into her palms to stop herself listing as she’s made dizzy by Janis’ gentle hands weaving her hair around itself in a delicate style.

Next thing I know, I lose control

Cady can’t take this anymore. When Janis finally ties the elastic band around the end of the braid, she turns around and…

I finally kiss her

Finally presses her lips against Janis’. She keeps her eyes open for the briefest of moments and can just see Janis’ go wide in shock before she feels a callused hand cup her jaw and tug her ever so slightly closer.

But, oh, no. I see a face in my window

Cady opens her eyes again.

She looks to her bedroom window. And sees a face.

Then my brain starts to go

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na

It’s her.

No, you can't risk falling off your throne

It’s just her reflection. But she doesn’t recognize the girl staring back at her.

She hasn’t for a long time. How could she, through the mask of makeup that covers her freckles and heat-damaged hair from being forced straight against its will? Beneath the armor of pink polyester and high heels doing permanent damage to her feet?

Who is she underneath?

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

Love is something you don't even know

What is she doing?

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na

You can't risk falling off your throne

Who has she become?

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, love

You don't even know

Janis whines under her breath when Cady pulls away, tries to bring her back in.

Cady resists.

Rewind, induce amnesia

Deny the truth, that's easier

“That-that didn’t happen. Nothing happened.”

You're just confused, believe her

“It did, though.”

When she says there's nothing there

Janis follows Cady’s hollow blue eyes to the window she’s been staring at for a while.

“There’s nothing out there, Caddy. It’s just us.”

Cady bursts into tears.

It's never worth it

Janis pulls her close.

“What’s the matter?”

“I can’t-I can’t live like this anymore! I don’t-don’t even know who I am, anymore! I’m-I’m so goddamn sick of pretending everything’s okay when it’s not!”

When you're Little Miss Perfect

Janis hushes her, pulls her into a tight hug and kisses her hair.

“You don’t have to be Little Miss Perfect for me. I want to know you for you. I love you. I don’t love this character you’ve made. I love that sweet little redhead eating her sandwich in that revolting bathroom that I met in September. You can let your mask down, now.”

Cady kisses her again. On Monday, her hair is curly.

—————

ta daa! i'm gonna be honest and say i wrote this in one go at like 2am so i'm not totally sure what this was?? but i hope you enjoyed it regardless!

requests are open!! in case you missed that!! it also absolutely does not have to be cadnis, i have a whole pinned post here that details everything you need to know :)

i shall see you next week and i hope you have a lovely one!!

lots of love,

ezzy

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

Ok, now a slightly weirder question, and if it's too weird you can delete it from your inbox. Now, how do you think it went for the different girls (from SL and Violetta) when they got their first periods?

Again, sorry for a weird question!

Honestly, even if the question is weird, periods are the most normal thing in the world so it's a little sad that the society has told us it's not something we should discuss. And getting your first period? It's everything from super mediocre to the most traumatizing thing ever to just awkward as fuck. But people's stories can also just be the most chaotic thing you ever heard, so you almost have to laugh (one girl I knew, for example, said that she got her first period at a public pool, and instead of doing something about it she chose to ignore it and went back into the pool like nothing).

But i'll still keep it under the cut, not because "periods are gross", but because it's gonna be a pretty long post.

Violetta - Due to her not having many women around other than her tutors, she found it incredibly awkward. She did not want to tell her dad, but he tried to figure out why she was acting odd all week. I imagine she told her tutor at the time, and her tutor just gave her a package of pads and she had to figure it all out on her own. Though, it wasn't much worse than that.

Luna - The girl happened to wear red shorts and didn't notice a thing, until she had left a red stain on a chair she sat on, and she was like "huh, it must be the color from my shorts leaving marks I guess" and her mom just pulled her aside and asked her about it, and when Luna explained it simply must have been the color of her shorts, her mom asked her to go to the bathroom and check. Luna later came back from the bathroom like "Ok so it wasn't the color of my shorts-"

Francesca - It was during a family gathering and she tried to spend an hour trying to talk to her mom in private without anyone else hearing. She also didn't dare to sit down anywhere in case she would leak, and her aunt at one point was like "why are you standing??? Come sit with us <33" and Fran just had a panicked "no thanks 🙂"

Nina - A pretty normal experience, except that her mom got excited for her and immediately went to tell Mora (who was over visiting that day), and Nina found it super embarrassing that "everyone had to know"

Camila - She was one of those girls who told everyone she got her period before she had actually gotten it. She actually like, gave her friends advice on how to deal with theirs when she didn't even have experience herself dkfkfxjldf- Anyway, she got it at school and was like "Well I can always follow my own advice :D" and then realized her advices didn't work, so she just internally panicked. She also had to use toilet paper because she didn't have any other protection, so she walked around looking uncomfortable all day.

Ámbar - I once had a fic with this, but anyway it was not a fun experience. Let's just say she stained a pinafore dress, decided to never tell anyone, Sharon found out anyway and scolded her for "keeping secrets from her"

Ludmila - Literally her mom, from like the moment Ludmila turned 11, was waiting for her to get her period. She basically always prepared for the news. When Ludmila was 13, she still hadn't gotten it yet and Priscila was like... growing impaitient?? And then when Ludmila was like, 13 and 6 months, she finally got it, and Priscila's first reaction was "Oh, why so late, though?" as if Ludmila could've controlled that. Apparently Priscila was an early bloomer and she thought Ludmila would be too, so she was disappointed that she was "avarage age" (??? idk)

Jim - At a sleepover with Yam, she literally woke up in the middle of the nights with stained sheets. She panicked, which woke up Yam, and after both of them sneaked with the sheets to the laundry room in the middle of the night and turning on the washing machine without waking anyone, Yam was like "Jim. You realize you just had your first period, right?" And then they both kind of got excited over it.

Naty - She got it in the morning before school, but she didn't have time to tell her mom, so she walked around anxious the whole day to tell her, and when she did her mom just shrugged and said "Ok."

Yam - It happened in seventh grade at school, and Yam just pulled Jim into the restroom and told her. Jim hadn't gotten hers yet, so the whole experience was pretty exciting but confusing for both of them.

Jazmin - She was the first in their class to get it, but 11 year old Jazmin thought she was one of the last, so she was like "I finally got it!!" and her friends were like "?? we haven't even gotten ours calm down"

Delfi - I imagine that it was pretty normal experience, but she acted like she was a new person. Like the day after she got it, she went around to all of her friends like "Noticing any different about me?"

[maningrey0204]

hiatus.

hey, PurpleProse/Grey (on Discord) here. if you're reading this, it's because I've linked this post and you're wondering what's going on, along with why I'd suddenly go and cut off access to my own social media. well, I'm more than happy to explain. I'm going to be giving a lengthy explanation + vent the cut. if you just want the summary, it'll be before that. TL;DR: I have Issues, and was spending too much time on social media to procrastinate + cope with said issues. this has led me to fail a lot in Important Life Things, making my family members stressed out over me. it has culminated-yesterday-in me putting off completing something important. my mom found out about the procrastination and got very mad at me over it, along with my usage of social media in general. she now wants to kick me out of the house in a month. my dad's more lenient, but wants me to cut off all my social media in general, which is what I want too. partly in the hopes that I'm not kicked out but also because I know that it would be beneficial for me to get my Internet usage under control. idk when I'll be back. I'll still be posting fanfiction over on AO3 (my username there's the same as my Tumblr and Twitter), and if we're close mutuals, you can always PM me to hash out an alternative means of communication that isn't social media. in the meantime, I hope you all have a happy & fulfilling 2022. I don't think it'll be too different from 2021, but the world needs more kindness & more people who are willing to fight for that-in terms of their own wellbeing and others'. so if you can, please be more kind. also CW/TW for discussion of mental health issues in general, yelling and emotional distress. this is going to be heavy.

I've had mental health issues ever since I was a kid. I'd much rather not go into a diatribe about them, so I'll just list off some (key word being some-I'm not comfortable talking about all of them) symptoms that I know are affecting me now: lack of focus + motivation, memory recall problems, and excessive anxiety/worrying (especially in particularly stressful situations). haven't gotten professional treatment, but I'll look into that when I know I can afford it. for a long time, I've been using social media & the Internet in general to cope with said problems, especially through procrastinating. this in turn has made me avoid tackling things like driving on my own and being studious in university classes. my grades were terrible before the pandemic and continued to stay that way when it started. that's why I'm taking a hiatus until Fall 2022, actually-my GPA wasn't enough for me to stay in enrollment, and I can't go back to classes until then. my parents are Not Happy about this. especially my mom. they both mean well and have given a lot to help my sibling and I. her way of conveying that isn't great, though? sometimes I'll hear about how keeping us both adds to the finances, for instance, and...there's no doubt that it's true, but it also makes me feel weird. I'm not sure if I'm being overly sensitive when it comes to that. and ofc there's the yelling she did that I'll get to. anyways, yesterday (the 29th) I joined a livestreamer's PowerPoint night (think your usual presentations but of a topic of your choice, so they're infinitely more fun), and I believe it was after my presentation that I had to do Something Important that was basically an obligation for irl-related stuff. to be clear: I don't blame the livestreamer at all for what happened. it was my choice to make slides & present them. the only regrets I have are a) I didn't do the bulk of my work until the last minute, thus spending too many hours yesterday on it, b) my presentation was too long and had to be sped up for time, c) I stuck around for the rest of the stream afterwards, not touching that important task at all... ...and d) that I ended up feeling tired afterwards because of a) and c). my Something Important task had something I figured I'd ask my mom about, despite it by then being late in the evening, she offered to help me on it, even eating some food (to help keep her awake while helping me, I think). I asked if that could be postponed to tomorrow because I was so tired. she ended up getting mad because I'd dedicated too much time on that extraneous activity instead of tackling that Something Important task. completely understandable, especially given my past experience with not doing things. but then at some point she started raising her voice and yelling at me. I think this was when I was struggling to respond to one of her questions, but I'm not sure. whenever I'm put in a situation like that, I tend to block out the semantics of her...rambling? angry tirade? it went on for some time, too, late into the night. granted, I did stay up afterwards anyway, partly because I was trying to process what she'd did, but still. she also told me to come up with a plan before today, but I don't remember what it was for, and it didn't matter, because then she called my dad. they both mainly hashed out what had already been said by my mom last night, but more calmly this time. my mom had told me last night that she wanted me to get out of the house in a month. today, I found out that my dad either wanted me to stop using social media or go along with my mom's plan. idk what's going to happen-it'll be hashed out tomorrow, hence why I'm typing this. I figured there's a bit of leeway for me to explain things and make a goodbye message, so I might as well take this chance. I'm hoping I won't be kicked out of the house in a month, because I don't have a lot of income. things would be tougher for my physical and mental well-being if that happened, even with a month to prepare. my mom thinks that it'll help me see the real world but ik all it'll make me to

is have me more susceptible to less than ideal situations. I don't want to fall into poverty and/or be inclined to be more self-destructive. still, in the event that it happens I have to leave the house, I'll still keep fighting to maintain a sense of well being, even if it's hard to come by. I've been struggling a lot for a while, at times even giving up on myself, but I'm still here anyway. and I think that counts for a lot. and regardless, I need to atone for what I've done, at least. my mom's reactions don't wholly feel acceptable to me, but that's no excuse for me to put off my responsibilities-to not give myself the life I need. I've messed up a lot during my struggles, which has to stop-and that can only be done by me taking accountability. my family & myself deserve that peace of mind, at least. plus, it'll be nice to figure out more about myself, work on writing fics & my other hobbies, that sort of thing. if you have read through this, thank you. again, I don't know when I'll be back, but I'll be posting on AO3 for as much as I can with fresh fic content. I'd also like to thank the friends I've met over the past few years on the Internet, specifically on Twitter, Tumblr & Discord. I've always loved talking with you all, sharing my interests with you + vice versa, and overall being able to be myself in a safe space. it means a lot more than you know.

[yesttoheaven]

I SEE YOU – chapter IV

pairing – arthur fleck x female!reader

wc – 2.3k

warnings – idk... misty being a b*tch with arthur?

a/n – hi everyone! I hope you are well because I'm brazilian and I cannot say the same lol the president is a piece of shit and he can't rule the country in the middle of a pandemic (not even without the pandemic, in fact)

anyway enjoy the chapter!

English is not my first language. I am getting help from google translator and he is not always a good ally, so I apologize for any typos or grammar errors.

Y/N – your name

chapter one. chapter two.

chapter three. chapter four.

"What are you doing here, Misty?" The surprise was notable in Y/N's words.

Many people could walk through that door, but Misty was definitely not one of them.

"I should ask you the same question..." The woman came over and put her hands on the actress' shoulders, smiling amiably. "But we don't have time for that right now. You have a dinner to go! And it is not right to keep a man like Charles waiting."

"Charles?" Arthur asked, trying to find a way to join the conversation. "Is he also an actor?"

After these simple words, the redhead burst out laughing and Arthur didn't understand what he had done wrong this time. He was just curious and a little interested to know who was the man who had a date with Y/N that night.

"Actor? God, have you never heard of Charles Lewis Tiffany?" Misty questioned how if the fact that Arthur didn’t know the man was an offense to humanity and Arthur just shook his head, too embarrassed to say anything else.

Who the hell was this man? The Pope? And why did Y/N have a dinner with Pope?

"It's okay, Arthur." Always so graceful, the actress reassured him and left Misty's side to be close to him. "Charles owns Tiffany & Co., the one that appears in the movie Breakfast at Tiffany's... Have you watched this movie before?"

"Oh, oftentimes!"

"Me either! And now Charles wants me to be the face of his new collection! I'm so excited, he came to Gotham just to follow it up in person!" The happiness shining in her eyes was contagious, but Misty didn’t like seeing Y/N squeeze the man’s arm gently.

"I hate to have to do this... the conversation is so pleasant, but we have to go, mon cher." With a smile, Y/N's manager adjusted the bag on her shoulder. She wanted to take the actress away from this freak as soon as possible.

"You cannot go without the VHS tape." Arthur objected, receiving a death glare from Misty, but the only thing that mattered to him was Y/N. "I'll get this for you." After these words, the man left the living room with a reason to make her stay a little longer in his apartment.

"Well, I think we're going to have to wait." Y/N shrugged, but inside she was beaming.

Feeling her mouth dry, she picked up the glass of water on the table, but that was her worst mistake.

"What are you doing? Don't drink this! That dirty glass is full of germs!" The glass was snatched from her hand and Y/N looked at Misty in disbelief.

"That glass is not dirty, Misty."

"How can you be sure of that? I heard that the Narrows sewer is one of the worst in Gotham!"

"Thanks for the lesson, but that didn’t come from the Narrows sewer. This water is from the kitchen tap."

"Oh my God..." The actress could have sworn that the woman's face turned green and she would vomit at any moment. "Why did you drink this? You'll be sick!"

Before Y/N had a chance to respond to these insanities, someone called her. She ran over to the bag and took out her cell phone. It was Charles.

"Hey, Charles! It's good to talk to you." On the other side, all she received were strange noises. The man's voice was being cut off and it was difficult to understand. "The connection is awful..."

"Why am I not surprised? Narrows is the end of the world!" Misty commented, rolling her eyes.

Without time for this discussion, Y/N said:

"Maybe in the corridor I will get a better signal."

"Be careful, you don't know what kind of neighbors there are in this place." She warned, listening to the door open and close, but Y/N said nothing.

Alone in the living room, Misty had the same disgusted look as when she arrived. For her this apartment is small even for an ant and this wallpaper is ridiculous, but in the midst of so much poverty, something on the couch attracted her attention.

"What do we have right here? I don't believe he has a diary..." The woman whispers to herself, laughing, after picking up Arthur's journal. She knew it was wrong, but she was bored.

The first few pages were OK, he had a shitty life like any other unfortunate person, but what came next scared the hell out of her. Misty knew there was something wrong with this man. The instant she saw him, she knew, but that... those words... were from a sick person. Arthur was a disgusting pervert. The redhead needed a moment to breathe and then she saw the magazines on the table and an scissors...

Oh no. He intends to include Y/N in this depravity show!

"I finally found." With bright eyes, Arthur looked for Y/N in the living room, but all he found was Misty... and his journal. "W-What... What are you d-doing?"

"Stay away from me!" She exclaimed, backing away for fear that he would do something against her. "I swear, if you get close I'll scream so loud and when Y/N comes through that door, I will tell her your little secret. She will be so disappointed, but she will finally find out who you really are... A perv!"

"N-No, please... You got it wrong." He tried, his voice taking on a desperate tone. Arthur didn't want to lose the actress's friendship. She was too important for him. "I c-can explain."

"Oh, can you explain? You will glue Y/N's head to a cat's body and then you will sit on that old sofa and touch yourself? You should be in Arkham! You're a sick person! I can't believe Y/N was alone with you..."

Arthur felt his stomach churning.

"You're wrong... I have a lot of respect for her. Y/N is special to me and I would never do something like that."

"I don't want to hear your excuses!" The woman threw the journal at him and Arthur cringed like a frightened dog. After hitting him on the back, the journal fell to the floor and when he saw those collages, he felt ashamed of himself. "Listen to me... I will say this only once: Stay away from her. It doesn’t matter what kind of fantasies you’ve created in your sick head, Y/N will not be a part of that. If I know that after today you keep talking to her, I'll call the police and when they find out you're a fucking perv, you will spend the rest of your days in Arkham." She warned with all the letters and threats, now it was up to him to choose to cooperate or not. This man is too old to play being a teenager. These images of naked women, these cats and those sad quotes in his journal prove just one thing. Maybe he's a sexual predator, but Misty wouldn't be here to find that out either. "Enjoy your pornography and leave Y/N alone. I hope I never see you again."

Arthur saw his world fall apart as soon as the redhead left his apartment with the worst assumptions about him. He was not a perverted monster. He would never touch Y/N without her consent and would never endanger her life. Never ever. Y/N was the only good thing about Gotham; she was a light at the end of the tunnel. So angelic and peaceful. Whenever she smiles, butterflies appear in his stomach and Arthur knows what these famous butterflies mean, but he doesn't know what those collages mean... If Y/N knew, she would probably be afraid of him.

In the corridor, the actress was trapped in a bubble, talking animatedly with Charles. The call had no specific reason, the man just wanted to make sure everything was fine for dinner that night.

"Okay... This is one of Gotham's best restaurants. Trust me, you will love the place!" She assured him, intending to make a good impression. It wasn't every day that she got a chance to dine with the genius behind Tiffany & Co. and represent that brand. This was an important step in her career. "Now I need to go, Charles. See you soon, bye!" Y/N hummed the ending, watching Misty approach where she was. "Why are you here?"

"It's just your friend's mom. She's not feeling very well..."

"Isn't Penny okay?" Concern crossed Y/N's face and she tried to get back to apartment 8J, but Misty took her arm, lying again:

"Y/N, don't be indiscreet. This is a family problem and Arthur is taking care of it." With those words, she guided the actress to the elevator, but Y/N kept looking at the door to Arthur's apartment. "You need to prepare for dinner... I chose a beautiful dress for you."

...

THREE DAYS LATER

"Put red on her lips... Don't forget the mascara... and on the cheeks use this blush... Not this one! The peach blush!"

It was possible to say that Charles Lewis Tiffany was taking the place of the makeup artist. The woman was losing patience, Y/N realized this, but he wanted to participate in every second of it. When she finished, Charles smiled, admiring Y/N's beauty through the mirror.

"You see? You're genuinely beautiful... I think I finally found my muse." The actress was flattered by the compliments and that reflected in her smile when Charles took a blue box, but this was not a simple blue box. This is the famous Tiffany Blue Box. "I want you to meet my new creation..." He opened the box, stealing Y/N's breath instantly. "Dramatically plunging down the decolletage, an incredible emerald-cut bicolor zoisite that shifts from violet-blue to purplish-red, depending on the angle. The pendant is over 48 carats and it's wrapped in a halo of baguette diamonds and suspended from a diamond rondelle chain of over 37 total carats."

"Oh Charles, this is absolutely beautiful. I'm speechless..." She confessed, watching him take the necklace and offer to put it around her neck. Y/N accepted immediately and when the pendant touched the white fabric of the dress, she smiled at the mirror.

"Diamonds are a girl's best friend" Charles whispered, eliciting a giggle from her. "Now I need to speak to the photographer, but take a few minutes to prepare yourself." The man smiled one last time and Y/N walked to the door, opening it for him. She took the opportunity to spy on what was happening on the other side and it was possible to say that there was a little sadness in her eyes.

"What are you looking for?" Misty's voice echoed and she closed the door quickly.

"Huh... nothing!"

The woman was checking the contract – something about image authorization – and when she took her eyes off the papers, she found Y/N with a half-hearted smile.

"Go ahead... Spill the tea."

Brian was probably smoking, so Misty was her only option.

"Arthur was busy these days, but he called me this morning... He looked nervous and said he would like to talk to me, so I invited him to accompany the photoshoot, but..."

"You did what?!" Misty left the chair, interrupting her. Not wanting to start a scene, the redhead looked at Dariela, the makeup artist, and said: "Get out." The woman immediately stopped organizing her makeup and ran out of the dressing room.

"Was that necessary?" Y/N asked, crossing her arms.

"And was it necessary to invite that maniac to come here too?"

"Jesus, Misty!" She walked to the other side of the dressing room. "Manic? Really?"

"I'm just telling the truth."

"Based on what? His bank account?"

"Based on his journal." Misty replied and the actress looked in her direction with a frown. Shaking her head, the redhead let out a bitter laugh before confessing: "He doesn't use it just to write jokes... I found a lot of pornography on those pages."

Y/N felt a little uncomfortable with that. Certain things do not need to be exposed... She didn't need to know about that part of Arthur's life and Misty just invaded his privacy.

"Well... many men consume pornography daily."

"Y/N, pornography is not the point here. He makes some weird collages... women with cat heads... skulls... one of these women was tied up in a compromising position... Can you see how problematic this is?" Misty was trying to open her eyes and consequently was scaring the actress, but that was not all. "I saw the magazines. That man will probably do the same to you... your face on the body of these naked women or on a cat's body! You have always been uncomfortable with the way men see you only as a sex symbol... and now Arthur is using you as a sex toy!"

"Stop! Just stop, okay?" Y/N demanded, using an edgy tone of voice. That was too much for her to assimilate. "You're saying this because you do not accept the idea of ​​Arthur being my friend! All that matters to you is status, but it doesn't matter to me! When are you going to let me live my own life?"

"This is not about social classes, this man is a pervert! I'm trying to protect you!"

"Enough, Misty!" That was enough to make the redhead shut up and Y/N found her way back to the mirror.

To complete the look, inside the blue box was a beautiful diamond ring and a pair of shiny round diamond earrings, just waiting for her. Putting on the ring was an easy task, but she couldn’t say the same about earrings; her hands were shaking and this is all the fault of the stress.

"Let me help you." The manager approached and at first Y/N refused her help, but after another failed attempt, she handed the earrings to the woman. "I know I can be a bitch sometimes..."

"Sometimes?"

Misty just sighed, shaking her head.

~~~~~~~▪~~~~~~~~~▪~~~~~~~~~▪~~~~~~~~~~

a/n – likes and reblogs are appreciated but honestly I’d love to know what you all think of this one. really hope you enjoy it and thank you soooo much for reading ♡

[nathank77]

5/16/24

6:16 p.m Edited/ Added to 6:26 p.m

I fell asleep fast on the half MG of xanax and a hydroxyzine 25MG around 7 a.m or 7:15 a.m. I woke up at like 2:30. I didn't sleep after that despite trying but I didn't want to take Benadryl and miss therapy. So I gave up around 3:30 p.m

So i had therapy at 4:45 p.m. I haven't heard back about the Kristen complaint. Yesterday and some of today I've had horrible flashbacks to Nala and to just psychosis.

Last night I basically watched family guy all night. Today idk what to do. I was going to do laundry but my mother always hogs the machines... and I haven't been able to use a towel to dry off for like 3 days so far...

I got to shower and shave my head but I may skip it. I showered yesterday and shaved my face..

I might try to see if I can get the hdcp bypasser to work before I return it back to Walmart and then buy another one from Ebay or just try to buy a regular hdmi splitter and see if that allows the, "handshake" but idk...

Also I might play fc2 or fc4 but idk. My clippers are Contaminated bc of contact with puss.... for at least another 7 days.. maybe I'll shave with a razor instead. I don't want to wash my clippers or use hand sanitizer as they rust them...

I may just watch family guy all day. I'm fucking lonely and I'm thinking about going back to Stacey. She's pretty. She's crazy and she will take me as I am. We can have kids cause she has money. She saves and is great with money. She saved up for a 60k car and paid out of pocket.

I mean I won't be happy but at least I'll have someone to talk to everyday and video chat or talk on the phone with once a day and I'll have someone to spend my weekends with...

Beyond that I don't expect to find anyone and actually be happy. Maybe I was right 10 years ago when I thought, about breaking up with her but my other thought was- what if I can't find someone else to love me?

Idk. I'm getting desperate. Not desperate enough to truly settle. I won't be settling on appearance.... I'll be settling on personality.. and the fact that she made more than a few transphobic remarks..

But I mean I have a feeling I'll be settling no matter what. Whether it's a life of loneliness or a life with Stacey or some other girl i haven't met yet.

Stacey was thoughtful and wrote sweet things to me. It fulfilled one of my love languages and she takes my mom as she is and loves her. She loves my dad. She was a part of the family. Most people can't stand my mother and can't stand my sister. She didn't like my sister but I'm sure they could put that in the past. It's a real consideration.

Me and Stacey could do artifical insemination. I could be on a birth certificate as the father. She would take my last name. We could get a house. She'd be fine with me being a stay at home dad. I mean it could work.

Also I have my disability appt tomorrow at 1:30 p.m. I'm going to take melatonin 2MG, hydroxyzine 25MG, and 1MG of xanax at around 4 a.m.... I hope I fall asleep fast and wake up around 12 or 12:30. If I can make it I might go to New Hampshire after bc it'll be done at 2:30 p.m and I could get out the door by 3 p.m or 3:30 the latest...

I'm anxious I wont wake up on time or fall asleep fast enough... if I don't I'll reschedule and I'll go grocery shopping and do new Hampshire Saturday unless I wake up at like 2:30 and then I may go to new Hampshire anyways cause I never wake up that early with 7 hours of sleep.

I'm going to try not to worry about it as I can always reschedule and I'll make it work eventually but I truly hope I can do it tomorrow and see how much back pay I'm entitled to and hopefully get it for June 1st.

[2021ana]

Doing this but not in 30 days lol, cause i’ll probably forget about so i’ll Answer the maximum rn

1- i have 59 kg, is like 130 pounds, my waist have 70 cm(27 inches) and when i started, was 76,5 cm, my hips are 86cm (33 inches), and when i started they’re 90 cm (35 inches)- they’re wide, but i like them like that- My right thigh’s 58 cm(23 inches) and when i started was 61 cm( 24 inches), my left thigh’s 56 cm (22 inches), but when i started they’re 58 cm(23 inches) yes i think i don’t forget anything lol

2- i’m sum like 5’3 or 5’4, i wanna be taller lol😫😫😫 like 5’5 or 5’6

3-i have a lottt, but i choose that one cause i love the lines in her stomach and her waist

4- OFC loose my boobs. Seems strange, i know, but i love them😭😭😭😭 they’re pretty, i like them, the guys love them, and i don’t wanna lose then, you know??? The same abt my hips. They’re kinda of wide but i like them lol. But ofc my boobs especially

5- at this point idk. Since i was 9 my DREAM is be skinny, but i think especially because the things i heard for being a fat child. But this doesn’t matter. I’ll be skinny and i’ll be pretty.

6- not actually. I did this just one time when i was like 11. I was struggling hard w my family issues and this day i heard that i was a fat child and should take off my tonsils (surgery) so that i would not eat and lose weight. I decided that if everyone thought I was a fat cow, I would be a fat cow. But soon after eating everything I saw ahead I felt guilty and i vomited for the first time, I never had compulsion but the habit of vomiting accompanies me lol

7- ofc. Like i said, since i was 9 my dream’s ve skinny, my mom helped me lose weight when i was younger but in a healthy way. she rlly don’t know that i go so hard to be skinny, one day she ask me if i was throwing up and made me PROMISSE that if i wanna lose weight i’ll do that in a healty way, like she teach me. And i promisse, even that i was lying. She’s my mom and the best person in the world but i don’t wanna give her this problem, is mine, and i can deal w this.

8- i’m a active person i guess. I do muay thay(fight) everyday, and it spend a lot of calories lol. Also, i’m a swimmer, like rlly, i swim since i was 3 years old, and sometimes i run w my mom cause she run

9- HAHA YES!! I was an fat child. My entire childhood’s def by that.

10- idk sometimes i feel guilty abt you know?? My mom loves me, and she would be soo mad if she know that i do these things:( also, sometimes i lose my control and eat somethings that are really calorics, but i’m working in this

11- idk lol, i don’t think i know some thinspo blogs, act, pls say me sum so i can saw more thinspos lol

12- chicken, salad, and Beetroot, omfg, I love beets, i eat this every fucking day

13- unhealthy lol

14- For now 121 lbs, but when I get to it, I'll lower it more, and i wanna get there to my birthday (August)

15- i’m not, but i used to be, now i eat just chicken, but when i was younger i was a vegetarian for more than a year, and honestly it didn't help me lose weight, but those were not my aspirations at the time, maybe if my focus were that I would have achieved

16- since i was a child be skinny’s my dream lol

17- idk and i don’t rlly wanna talk about that

18- lol probably sum from mac donalds. I’m Addicted to that shit. But’s SO caloric:(( i think that’s the reason why i think so much abt this, like, is so fcking caloric and i know i shouldn’t eat this, and then i think so hard abt

19- sum weeks ago, i didn’t eat anything in the day so at the night i could eat sum shit and stay under my calories for the day

20- the princess diet lol, they’re so flexible and i don’t need to eat the same thing everyday, i like

21- girl depends a lot the store i bought them, in shein for example a have a “xs” top that fits perfectly but from “zara” needs to be a “s” or even a “m” cause they don’t fit like they should in my boobs. this drive me a little crazy and i always cry when i’ll buy sum clothes lol

22- in this times my lowest weight was 52kg, that’s like 113 pounds, but i used to be smaller than now(i was like 5’0) so it wasn’t a good weight

23- haha yes, but not ONLY the media. Before having social medias i already want lose weight

24- idk:( i don’t wanna be a “pro ana” or “pro mia” cause i don’t wanna make little childs or teenagers hating their bodyes like i did. That shit can fuck a child head and i don’t wanna be part of this you know??? But also i think that if you’re already in this(like me) the society can’t force you get a rehabilitation. Needs to be sum that YOU want, and its nice have sum persons to talk abt that without been judged, idk

25- oh yes, and the first experience i was a child and it was kinda of nasty, but i strangely like that. I feel like i was light and my stomach was clean, i like the feeling even that was a little gross

26- be skinny ofc, look at the mirror and feel rlly pretty, doesn’t have all fat that makes me crazy and just be loved you know?? By me and by others

27- not very good haha, at the school, when was the breakfast time, i need to go to the bathroom cause i get so crazy w the food, smell so good and everyone’s eating idk it’s a strange feeling

28- i don’t wanna my fat thighs anymore. But i also don’t wanna lose my hips.

29- something that i need to be. Thin waist, kinda of big hips, medium boobs, a thin face, a nice butty, and a tanned body, like a “latino body”

30-

1- my name’s ana

2- i love exercising but i hate run lol

3- i’m latina and i want a latino body

4- my favorite classes are history and science, also, i hate math

5- i speak 3 languages, 2 flowing and one not really bad haha

6- i like that people say that i’m pretty, but just when they say truth, you know??

7- my favorite skin caracter is james cook and i identify more with him than with cassie, I even think she's kind of covered up, people tend think that cass is my favorite just because she have an ed lol. And okay i like her, but not actually you know?

8- ugh idk my sign is leo and i rlly believe in that lol, i know my astral map entirely and my sun is leo, my moon is sag and my asc is aqua

9- i have daddy issues, like REALLY issues, i don’t like talk a lot abt this but anyway

10- my mom’s the person more perfect i know in my entire life. And i hate making her mad

My states didn’t change cause i did this in one day LOL, but in 30 days i’ll be back!!!