#and if anybody made their shithead older brothers feel sad

[idk-bruh-20]

If Peter Parker and Morgan Stark got to grow up as legit siblings they would have the EXACT same dynamic as T'Challa and Shuri in Black Panther send tweet

[awol-newt]

another wayhaught fic

it's like marrow without bone (to live in a house with no home) Maybe God is God. Maybe the Devil is me. Well, I'll just throw my chains on. And tell myself that I'm free.   - Delta Spirit, "Salt in the Wound"

“I just wanted to be free.”

Nicole knows that voice. It sends chills down her spine as quickly as it makes her blood boil. She knows that voice because she heard it before she got shot.

A WayHaught fic.

“I just wanted to be free.”

Nicole knows that voice. It sends chills down her spine as quickly as it makes her blood boil. She knows that voice because she heard it before she got shot .

(The first time. Not… not this time?

   Huh.

       Where’s Waverly? Wynonna?

           Where is she ?)

“You’re in purgatory,” the voice tells her and she whirls around in a fury, brown eyes narrowing as she takes in the sight of Willa Earp. And then she takes a moment to take in their surroundings.

It’s the sheriff’s station. Lonnie’s desk is still a mess and Nedley’s office door is propped ajar. Her own desk still has two binders, a stack of case files, and a mountain of paperwork on it. The small AM/FM radio clock flashes like it might after a loss of power.

It’s the sheriff’s station and it’s empty. There’s no Nedley or Lonnie or Dov or Chris. There’s no Nash, either. There’s nobody but Nicole and Willa.

She feels it now. The stillness of the air and the heaviness in her chest that threatens to turn into something like panic. She closes her eyes and counts to twenty, inhaling for five and exhaling for five until she feels calmer. When she opens her eyes, she hopes to see Wynonna and Waverly staring at her like she’s lost her mind; it’d be better than the reality, which is cracking an eye open to see Willa staring at her with an aura of impatience and maybe something like resentment.

“You aren’t dead. Yet,” she says. It’s so blasé, the way those words come out of her mouth and the sigh that follows.

Nicole pales and shakes her head. Shakes away the unnerving feeling settling in the pit of her stomach.

“Where are we?” she asks.

Willa rolls her eyes. “I already told you. We’re in purgatory. You know, that annoying place between Down There and Upstairs.”

“Purgatory,” Nicole says again. It isn’t a question this time because she remembers now. Being shot. Again.

Charles Gagnon had marched into the station and pulled a gun on the room, demanding his brother be released from their custody. Henri Gagnon had been arrested the previous night, swerving down Main Street drunker than Wynonna after a shit day. The damned hoser had sideswiped Nicole’s cruiser while she was responding to a 10-71 of suspicious activity at the bank across from Shorty’s. His saving grace was that she hadn’t been in the vehicle when he took off a layer of paint and her side mirror. His downfall was that he panicked, stopped his own car, and tried to make a run for it.

He was caught, of course. She’d marched him down the block to the station, tossed him into the drunk tank, suspended his license, and wrote him a fine. The rest of the night was procedural — dealing with his car and her cruiser, the headache of paperwork that such an incident incurred, and trying not to fall asleep during the last hour of the graveyard shift while she sat at her desk handling said paperwork. Especially since she had to turn around and come back to work that afternoon.

Such is the life of a sheriff’s deputy.

But getting shot — again? That is a hazard of living in Purgatory where just about everybody owns a gun or has access to one. Not to mention the crazies and the supernatural.

Charles Gagnon fell into the former category. A little off his rocker with a short fuse and serious co-dependency issues with his brother. When he began waving the gun around, it was Nicole who stepped forward with her hands raised and her movements as unthreatening as she could make them. She walked slowly towards him, putting herself between Waverly and the madman.

“Let’s just talk this out, Charles,” she had said gently.

She tried to follow the handbook and her police academy training. They’d roleplayed scenarios with gunmen and hostages. And after the situation last year with Wynonna, Shorty, and Champ, she had attended a two-day seminar in the big city with a TAC team. Except none of those things prepared her when he pulled the trigger anyways.

She remembers pushing Waverly to the ground and Wynonna drawing Peacemaker. She remembers falling and another gunshot and then Waverly shouted her name. But then…

Oh.

She fell. The floor was cold and it felt so nice because her shoulder was burning and aching. And then Waverly was there, her Waverly, scrambling to lean over her. Her hands went to Nicole’s shoulder and she pressed. Hard. Nicole screamed. And then…

Then she was here. With Willa freakin’ Earp.

“And she remembers.”

Nicole scowls. “Do you have to be such an asshole? I’m apparently dying and I don’t even know if Waverly and Wynonna are okay!”

Willa’s face softens at the names of her sisters. “They’re fine,” she tells Nicole. “They’re both fine. Wynonna shot the guy who shot you.”

Despite everything that happened following Willa’s return, despite having every reason not to trust her, Nicole believes her. It’s a reassurance that she needs to hear, and it allows her room to consider her current situation more clearly.

“I’m dying,” she murmurs. It’s barely audible but it feels so incredibly loud. Those words. “I’m dying.”

“You’re not dead, yet,” Willa reminds her, gentler this time.

Nicole’s eyes widen.

“I can go back?”

She begins to scan the room, looking for any bright gateway or swirl of lights so she can steadfastly spring in the exact opposite direction. Willa must recognize what she’s doing by her darting eyes.

There’s a sigh and a shake of her head. “It isn’t a choice. This isn’t like on television. It’s out of our control.”

“Is that why you’re still here?”

Nicole blinks and suddenly they’re standing in the Pine Barrens near Purgatory. There’s a heavy layer of snow on the ground and it continues to fall with flurries dusting the evergreens and the branches of the trees that dropped their leaves long ago. It’s quiet and beautiful.

She can’t feel the cold or the wind that rustles the branches and sends them swaying just barely.

“This is my purgatory,” Willa says. “I’ve been here since I crossed the border, since Wynonna…” She trails off, never completing the sentence.

Since Wynonna shot her. Since her sister shot her. Since she made the most foolish mistake of her life. Since she lost everything.

“I just wanted to be free,” she says again, even softer this time.

Nicole recognizes the weight in her voice. Has heard it in her own voice so many times throughout her life. It’s the heaviness of regret, of exhaustion, of sadness, and of defeat. It’s the pull of so many, I’m sorry’s that can never be enough to do what’s been undone.

“Free from Daddy, from the Earp curse, from that godforsaken town. From remembering what I had and what I had lost. Free from having to be anybody but Willa. I just wanted to be free.”

It’s a desperate explanation. It isn’t an apology or imploring for forgiveness. It’s the story of a young girl who had to grow up too fast and be too much too soon, who found pain and darkness in every corner of her world.

Nicole knows something about that. It’s a tale with which she’s very familiar. She isn’t sure she ever really knew what light was until she met Waverly and fell in with Wynonna and got to know Nedley and the rest of the town. Until she found a place that felt like home and people she could call family.

But Willa— Willa never got that chance. To really get free from the machinations of souls older than both of them combined. To find her own light somewhere out there.

She looks at Willa out here, a bright spot of life, morose as she may be, in this vast wilderness and unending white only speckled with forest green and ash gray tree trunks and limbs. And when she blinks again, they’re back in the empty cop shop.

“I wish you’d had the chance to be free without being such a shithead,” Nicole finally says. It isn’t forgiveness but it is understanding and maybe a tinge of sympathy.

Willa laughs. It’s rough and sharp and sounds like it hurts her as much as it disquiets Nicole. “Yeah,” she says. “Except I didn’t have the chance and now I’m here. Waiting for the Universe to decide where I belong or if I’ll never belong anywhere except purgatory.”

“I don’t think anybody belongs nowhere,” Nicole offers, though the optimism sounds uncertain even to her own ears.

Willa shakes her head. “No, it’s okay. I have to pay for my sins somehow, right?”

The sadness is clearer now. The despair and defeat that clings to the once heir. It holds tight to her, suffocating like a python’s constriction; each gasp for air brings you a little bit closer to death.

“I’m sorry it wasn’t different.” Nicole means these words.

“Me too.”

It isn’t absolution but it’s something. The grip of sadness loosens just slightly.

There’s a buzz beneath Nicole’s skin. Like the tingling of a limb falling asleep when you sit or sleep funny.

“Do you feel that?” she asks Willa.

And Willa looks at her and cants her head to one side. It’s a Waverly-sort of mannerism, and Nicole feels a sharp tug at her heart.

“The tingling and that chest pain?” she clarifies when Willa doesn’t respond.

The hum of her body grows and grows and it’s starting to become really uncomfortable. It feels kind of like what she imagines being lit on fire might feel like.

“They’re saving you,” Willa finally tells her. “The Universe. My sisters.”

“I’m… I’m not going to die?”

Nicole’s jaw tenses with another lance through her chest.

“You’re not going to die.”

Willa’s voice begins to fade, sounding distant against the blood roaring in her ears. The edges of her vision start to go black as the pain increases exponentially. She hears Willa speak to her one more time and she strains to listen as she squeezes her eyes tight and feels herself begin to fall over.

“Look after them, okay? Tell them that I love them. Both of them.”

And then she wakes up with a jolt, her eyes snapping open to meet the most beautiful hazel eyes she’s ever known.

“Waverly,” she breathes. And it hurts. It hurts and she’s alive.

There’s a steady beeping of machines next to her and her left arm is slinged. Her head is fuzzy and all the lights are soft but she’s alive and Waverly is safe and so is Wynonna and Willa is marginally less awful than she’d thought before she got shot. Again.

“Nicole. You’re awake,” Waverly whispers with a bright smile and tears in her eyes.

“I’m here, Waves,” she says and she can hear her words slur, loosened by whatever drugs they’re pumping through her veins. “I’m alive.”

“You almost died, Nicole. Again. Again! You’re like a cat with nine lives, I swear, Officer Haught.” She pushes from her chair next to Nicole’s bed and paces the length of the small room. She’s exasperated and Nicole can tell she’s a little angry, the emotion warring with the elation that Nicole is awake and alive.

Alive and awake.

“I saw Willa,” she mumbles. “In purgatory. That’s where I went when I was waiting to live or die.”

Waverly slumps back into her seat and reaches for the hand of her not shot-up arm. “What are you talking about, baby?”

She feels the medication even more saliently now. She has to fight against it, the fog that wants to cloud her brain and pull her back under. Part of her is afraid she won’t wake up again.

(It’s going to be a thing, isn’t it?)

What she tries to say is this: “I saw Willa in purgatory. The real limbo, between heaven and hell kind of purgatory. She said she just wanted to be free and I kind of understand that. She wants you to know that she loves you, both you and Wynonna. And she asked me to look after you guys.”

It doesn’t come out that clear and concise but Waverly’s smart and Waverly knows her girlfriend and Waverly knows how to piece together drunken, slurred speech like nobody else. She gets the message and her eyes tear up even more than before.

“She said that?” she asks and the question is so, so soft and scared and hopeful.

Nicole’s head dips in a nod. “She said that.”

Waverly wipes at her eyes and laughs a sad but happy laugh. The words are a lifetime too late but they do mean something. They do begin to patch the hole in her heart that’s been torn through with so much grief and trauma and loss. She laughs again.

“She’s still the worst,” Waverly grumbles.

“Totally the worst.”

Waverly holds tight to Nicole. It’s enough of an anchor and a promise that it feels okay to drift away for just a short while. She’s got Waverly to tether her down so she can float away to dreamland and not fly too far away.

Nicole dreams of falling snow and the smell of evergreens and feels the warmth of a crackling fire in a hearth. She dreams of three little girls with smiles on their faces as they run happy and free.

[fatbottombucky]

No Kissing In Front Of Me *Steve Harrington x Reader*

Requested by Anon: Steve Harrington x Reader where you’re Dustin’s older sister and Dustin has Steve over to babysit him bc Reader is supposed to be out on a date but she comes home like halfway through with like super ready eyes and tells them she found out he’s cheating on her because he stood her up to go with the other girl or something Pairings: Dustin Henderson x Sibling! Reader & Billy Hargrove x Reader (Mentioned briefly) & Steve Harrington x Reader Word Count:  A/N: I couldn’t be bothered to make up a name for the reader to possibly be on a date with. Billy is someone that comes across as a cheating, maybe not taking the relationship with reader seriously, type. - Rosalie

“Why are you even going out with that jackass?” Dustin asked, watching you through the vanity mirror reflection as you got ready for your date. You muttered a soft ‘language’ to your little brother who just scoffed. “You can date anyone, literally, ANYBODY! But you go out, willingly, with Billy Hargrove?”

You sighed gently as you finished with your make up. You had been going out on a few dates with the new guy, well he wasn’t new anymore, he and his sister had been here for a few months. You didn’t really get why Dustin and his party hated him, he was kind of an asshole but so was everyone else in this town. Dustin always said, ‘There are just things that I know that you don’t, I don’t trust him’. You liked he was looking out for you but you’re the older sibling, it should be the other way round.

“Why do you hate him so much? Enough with the bullshit, what happened to make you hate him?” Dustin shrugged, shoulders slumped and eyes cast to his hands as he toyed with your comforter on your bed. “I’m going on that date, Dustin. Whatever you think of him isn’t true, he’s been nothin’ but nice to me. He doesn’t pressure me for anythin’ and he’s really sweet too. Tell me what happened and I won’t go on that date, if you tell me what happened with Billy I’ll call him off.”

Before Dustin can even open his mouth the doorbell chimes, you raise your eyebrows but Dustin sighs. You both stand up, you’re dressed in a pale pink dress with a denim jacket thrown on. Dustin opens the door, revealing Steve Harrington, his babysitter for the night, plus a new founded best friend. It was cute, how both he and Steve had a brotherly bond. They looked out for one another, it made you smile to see Dustin finally have someone to look up to, admire and Steve was someone that you trusted to lead your brother in a good direction.

You smiled as Steve looked at you. “Wow, Y/N, you look… wow.” He compliments, at loss for words and it brings a slight blush upon your cheeks as you roll your eyes at him.

“Okay, I’ll see you both in a few hours. Don’t miss me too much,” You grin waving bye at both of them and walking out of the door.

*Steve’s P.O.V kinda*

Steve stared at the door as it closed softly, watching you leave to go on a date with Billy Hargrove always rubbed him the wrong way. Knowing that someone as kind, sweet and genuinely good was hanging around with the asshole Billy, made Steve feel sick to his stomach. His blood boiled at the thought of it, it left a funny after taste in Steve’s mouth whenever you talked about your dates with Billy.

“Steve!” Dustin’s voice pulled Steve from his mind and he looked at the shithead and shrugged his shoulders in response. “Jealousy back again?”

Steve rolled his eyes and sat down, Dustin had got into his pea-sized brain that Steve was jealous. Jealous that Billy got to date you and not him, which was ridiculous. Steve Harrington doesn’t get jealous, he doesn’t even know why he’d be jealous. It’s just you. Dustin’s older sister. Who was sweet, kind and beautiful, who had this thing where if she laughs too hard she hiccups?

“I’m not jealous of Billy Hargrove,” Steve states, turning the TV on and looking at the VHS movies that Dustin had picked to watch tonight. “What do I have to be jealous about?”

Dustin rolled his eyes, sitting down also. “Are you pretending to be dumb or are you actually this stupid all of the time?” That receives a stern glare from Harrington, “I know she’s my sister but I am told constantly that she’s beautiful, plus she has to be somewhat good looking because ” Dustin gestures to his smiling face and Steve tries not to chuckle at that. “It’s okay if you like-like her, better you than Billy.”

Steve puts in the movie and that leaves him to think over what Dustin has said. He glances at Dustin who is consumed by the movie, mouth slightly agape as he fully zoned in on the SyFy movie. Steve had grown accustomed to life with the kids, looking after the little shits was now just second nature to him. You were sort of a package deal, you didn’t know about any of the events with the upside down world but you managed to still be part of their lives. You were sort of an innocence that everyone loved, you knew something has happened but you preferred to not know.

It’s for the better that way. Steve liked that you weren’t carrying any of the weight, that you managed to still be a supportive person but in a way that was different for everyone. It was hard to keep that life away from you, it’s partly why he hates you are dating Billy. If you knew what had happened, you wouldn’t be dating him but he had made a promise. To the boys, to Eleven, to Hopper and Joyce to not tell.

“So, you wouldn’t mind if I dated Y/N?” Steve asked, eyes trained on the TV. “I know she’s dating Billy but if that didn’t work out-”

“Steve, you have my permission to date my sister. No kissing in front of me, that’s all I ask.” Steve smiles slightly and both go back to watching the movie, halfway in when the front door crashes open. “Son-of-a-bitch!” Dustin yells, turning his head to see his sister standing in the doorway, he holds his hand over his heart.

It takes both boys a few seconds to realise you’re crying. Eyes red, small sobs escaping your lips and you throw your purse to the floor and pull off your shoes, running past them towards your room ignoring their yells of your name. Steve looks at Dustin who is just as shocked as he is by your outburst.

“You don’t think Billy…” Dustin trails off, instantly Steve is to his feet and Dustin follows him down the short hall to your door where Steve knocks on the door. “Y/N, we’re coming in!” Dustin yells, knowing you never lock your door anyway.

Steve opens the door silently and both peak in. Your laying on your bed, hair a mess of curls and crying into a pillow. Dustin walks passed Steve, sitting down beside your head and petting your hair softly, trying to comfort you silently. Steve awkwardly sits down, placing a hand on the small of your back and rubbing comforting circles. They wait till your sobs had quieted down, listening to cry was one of the worst things Steve has endured. Yeah, he’s had to fight demogorgons but this was another level.

“Y/N, what happened?” Steve asked and you lifted your head, hair sticking your tear stained cheeks that are red and blotchy. You wipe your eyes with the back of your hand, anger swept through them but also sadness. “Did Billy… do something… like-”

“No.” You shake your head, fresh tears welling in your eyes. “He turned up with another girl, with Stacy. He’s been seeing her behind my back, cause I wasn’t putting out.” Dustin's face flashed with anger. “I’m such a stupid shit head!” You groaned, accepting the hug from your little brother and Steve scoffed, causing both Henderson siblings to look at him.

Steve shakes his head. “Billy is the shithead. You deserve better than him, got it? A guy like that isn’t worth your tears, you’re too good for him. If he can’t keep it in his pants that’s his fault, not yours.” You raised your eyebrows at Steve, who crossed his arms and glared at the wall opposite him. “I should punch him in the face again for doing that to you.”

“Again?” You asked slightly amused that he had even punched Billy for the first time. Dustin looks wide-eyed at Steve who does the same, you sighed. “Need to know, right?” They nod and smiled slightly. “Thank you, both of you for being here. I think I’m going to call it a night.” They nod, Dustin gets up and leaves the room first but Steve hesitates, making you look at him slightly confused.

He shuffles slightly nervously. “Y/N… have a good sleep.” Steve sighs before leaving your room, kicking himself for not saying anything to you about his true feelings.

*

It had been almost a week since that godawful date with Billy. You tried to keep yourself occupied, extra schoolwork and hanging out with Nancy. The humiliation of that day was what hurt you the most, Billy had let you believe the date was still on, he didn’t cancel or say anything about what was happening with Stacy. He let you walk in, alone and see him with another girl like he planned it or something.

Walking down the street towards your house you hear arguing. Well, more of bickering between two people. You glance up to see Steve and Dustin in the driveway of your home, Dustin was meant to be at Mike’s studying and Steve, well he was meant to be off being Steve somewhere else- having a day off from being the kid's mom. You frown as you walk closer, Steve is holding roses and Dustin has his radio headset on, seemingly talking over it whilst simultaneously walking to Steve.

“What’s going on?” You asked walking closer, Dustin jumps slightly and turns to you with a nervous smile. “I thought you were going to Mike’s tonight?” You asked with a slight frown at his reaction.

It’s a solid minute before anyone speaks up. “I’m helping Steve… he’s got a date.” You nod slowly and glance at Steve, who is nervously stood holding the roses and smiling awkwardly. A pang of something shoots through your chest, whoever he was taking on a date was a lucky girl.

“Oh.” Is all you can manage, “Well, have fun and don’t take all of my brother's advice.” You try to chuckle and smile but it sounds forced, you go to walk around them and inside the house, to cry to your mother but you’re stopped by someone tugging on your wrist.

You frown up at Steve. “Y/N, I need to tell you something.” You nod and turn back towards Steve, waiting for whatever he needs to say, he stares at you for a moment. “Fuck it!”

Before you can process what is happening his lips are on yours, his hands holding your shoulders and the roses fall to the floor beside your feet. You instantly respond, melting into the kiss that’s unlike anything you’ve ever had. You feel Steve smile against your lips, wrapping his arms around your waist as yours rest against his neck.

“GROSS!” You pull apart and look at Dustin, who is horrified. “I said no kissing in front of me, that was the only rule. You asshole.” he picks up his bike, muttering curse words and names at Steve, “one fucking rule, can even follow that. I do everything to help this guy, this is how he repays me.”

Steve purses his lips and holds back the chuckle. “Thank you, shithead,” Steve calls, Dustin turns and flips him off before riding off down the street to Mikes. “It was worth breaking that one rule.” Steve shrugged at you, you chuckled lightly nudging him, he bends down and picks up the roses again. “Prepare to go on the best date of your life.” He challenges, pulling you by your hand towards his car.

“Is this the first time you’ve hung out with someone your own age in a while?” You smirk as Steve blinks at you, mock offence. “How will they survive without you?”

Steve rolled his eyes, opening your door before walking around to his side and starting the engine to the car. It’s silent as he begins to drive off towards your date destination, “I do need to stop in to make sure they all get home okay.” He mutters causing you to chuckle at him, he sighs and chuckles along with you.

(Decided to end it funny. Hopefully, whoever requested this likes it. I had fun writing it, I like the whole Dustin’s sister thing, I like writing the reader as one of the kids sibling. - Rosalie)

[fanwhore99]

We Can Be Heroes - Origins

A Quick Guide to Social Anxiety

______________________________________

L E V I

"Kindaichi Creelman?" The teacher at the front of the class asks and I reluctantly raise my hand, "here" I all but seethe and the teacher looks up at me and smiles which I don't return, then he continues with the roll. You'd think people in this godforsaken school would be able to understand that I want to be called Levi. Its listed as my preferred name, so its really pretty simple to remember to not use my Japanese name.

I take my hand down and refocus my view to the window next to me. My window. Next to my seat. Which always has to be in the back. Where the teachers never pay attention or students can't be bothered to turn around and cause shit like throwing paper or bullying me indiscreetly because if they were to turn around to deliberately be assholes at least the teacher would notice. Well . . . maybe except Mr Freeman who was as blind as a bad and as deaf as a . . . I don't know . . . something that's deaf.

The seats in the back are a godsend to anyone who wishes to go throughout life without being noticed, invisible to the countless shitheads at Center Point Valley High School or CPVHS to those who can't she stuffed to say five words at a time.

A little Blue Wren flies past the window and settles itself into the Gumtree close by and my lip twitches in a small half smile. I'd rather be out there and free than trapped in this small room with a bunch of teens who care more about who their sleeping with than the actual knowledge they could be learning. Ahh well. They're the ones who'll be mangers of fast food restaurants in twenty years. Not me.

"Now if you divide this by the numerical you get your answer." The teacher continues and j wrote down the information without looking at anyone. I don't know where my fear of people came from . . . fear seems to be to strong of a word . . . a big dislike of humans deems to fit better. But I've been scared/uncomfortable in large crowds or parties or any place that has more than three peoples tops.

I've been this way ever since I was a kid - it isn't as if I have some dark and tragic anime background story. My father was a firefighter pasted away a few years ago so I live with my step mother and half-brother . . . my mother . . . well that's a long story for a different time. A long and complicated story.

Okay well maybe I do have s fairly anime styled back story . . . doesn't mean anything.

Really the only upside of my school life was meeting AJ.

One day when I brought in a delicious piece of chocolate cake to school – which looked like it would be the best cake in the whole damn world, a kid accidentally bumped into me and thus, I dropped the delicious looking cake and cried.

R. I. P. 

Well the kids laughed which just pissed me off really, I turn around to see the douche that hit me and was met with a pair of very concerned and fear filled brown eyes. He said sorry almost immediately but I just left, not bothering with saying anything to him and I continued to ignore him for the rest of the week – not like that was anything new for me since I ignore everybody. But come the following Monday, this blonde haired, blue eyed child brings in a whole chocolate cake and said it was for me.

I kind of just stared at him until he passes me the plate of heaven and smiles.

“I’m AJ, sorry for making you drop your cake, I was just looking at a butterfly and I didn’t see you.” He says while blushing. “So I made you this cake all for you so you wouldn’t hate me anymore. I just moved here so I really, really want to be your friend.” The little ray of sunshine says excitedly, that’s when I realised – ‘hey, I kinda like this kid, he makes me cake.’ A very shallow thought but I thought that the fact that he made me a cake was the best thing in the world for an eight year old. I ended up inviting him over so we could eat the damn cake he made, my parents were so happy that I finally made a friend, that I wouldn’t be alone anymore – they make being alone sound like a bad thing . . . which it isn’t – and they just loved AJ’s happy-go-lucky personality and so did I. I secretly hoped he would rub off on me. Nothing seemed to bother him for long, he was like a giant magnet; everybody loved him and wanted to be around him. He was nice to everyone and as we grew older he never changed and I realised that soon, he’d find new friends to hang out with, to go to parties with and tell everything too. I mean why would a ray of sunshine want to hang out with the shadows? Damn that does make me sound Emo. But he didn’t. He didn’t get rid of me to find more fun loving friends, he stayed.

“Why would I want them when I have you?” was his reply, nothing made me feel so wanted. We were fifteen then and we are still friends. It’s now our last year of high school and that’s when it dawns on me – ten years. AJ has been my friend for ten years and he hasn’t gotten sick of me and I haven’t got sick of him.

I’ve had this sunshine in my life for ten years and I still haven’t got a tan.

I want to keep adding the years until the end.

He’s the best thing to ever happen to me.

A boy is introduced to the class and I lift my focus to the front of the room.

"This is our new student Gabriel. Why don't you take a seat up the back next to Kindaichi." The teacher says and my jaw clenches in anger.

______________________________________

A J

I love dinosaurs.

I don’t even know why, I like the idea of something living that long ago, something that big and something that cool being able to have a family and eat foods and just live. I love the idea of life. That everything lives in its own way and how if you upset the balance just a little bit – you could end the life.

“Alexander–Jay Northing?” my P.E teacher asks, I turn to them and call out “Present!” I turn back to the game I was playing but it was too late – a received a volleyball to the face which sends me flying onto my butt. “Ouch” I complain as my face feels warm from impact. My class mate runs over to me and helps me up. “Nice kill Anthony.” I say and he laughs. “I’m really sorry Alex.” He says and I laugh with him. “It’s okay man, but I’m totally winning the next point.” I reply and he scoffs, “yeah right, you can’t serve for shit.” He jokes and I grab my heart. “Another kill Anthony, but just you wait.” I warn and walk back to serve. The ball flies up and I jump up to hit it but just when I expect to feel the sting on my hand I feel nothing until something hits my head which brings my teammates into another fit of laughter. I missed it? Argh I thought I was good at volleyball! I repeat the serve and this time hit it. The ball sails over the net and hits the other court before anyone could hit it. “YES!” I yell as my team wins the second set. “Guess my serves are a bit better than shit.” I tease.

I wonder what class Levi has. I know better than to call him Kindaichi, I know he hates his Japanese name. I always wonder what class he has, if he likes that class, if he hates that class . . . it’s obvious that he hates the people in his class. I mean he hates everybody; he even used to hate me. I still remember that fateful day, the day of which I made him drop that cake. I still don’t understand that guy’s obsession with sweets, he makes L Lawliet look like an amateur with how much sugar he puts in his body without gaining anything extreme; he’s cute and chubby and not very muscular and I wouldn’t want him any other way.

I told him I was distracted by a butterfly, which I was until I saw the kid with black hair and blue eyes, looking at the cake like it was the most important thing in his world. Then me being me I forgot to break and accidently bumped into him. I felt bad immediately, and my heart just about broke when he started crying. Then the other kids made fun of him and he stopped. I’ve never met anybody so beautiful as him, which is an odd thing for an eight year old to think but the shorter boy with black hair and pale skin with the darkest brown eyes I have ever seen who is looking at me like I murdered his entire family in front of him is beautiful.

I try to apologise but he just leaves and I bite my lip nervously. ‘Maybe he’ll forgive me tomorrow.’ I thought hopefully.

He didn’t.

I tried every day for a week to get the beautiful boy to talk to me but he ignored me. It made me sad and confused. I just wanted to be his friend, he always sat alone and the kids laughed at him when he spoke and stuttered which I just found adorable. I remember going home and crying to my mum.

“Mummy he hates me” I cried and she hugged me. “Who? Are you being bullied?” she asked worriedly and I shook my head. “No, but I accidentally made this boys cake drop and he keeps ignoring me, I just want to be his friend.” I cried and she hugs me tighter. “You big hearted, beautiful boy.” She says and squeezes. “What should you do to get him to talk to you? Was he upset when he dropped the cake?” she asks and I nod.

“He cried.” I replied. “I should make him a cake!” I thought excitedly and she nods, “that’s a great idea!” she responds.

We make the cake on Sunday, my mums long blonde hair in a bun as she hands me the ingredients that I put in the bowl.

“So what’s his name?” she asks and I smile. “It’s Kindaichi, but he likes to be called Levi, oh mum he’s so pretty! And he has this adorable stutter.”

I say and she smiles. “You think he’s pretty and adorable?” she asks and I nod, “is that weird?” I say quietly. “Nope. Not at all, you can like anyone you want baby, okay, I will never tell you otherwise.” She said. Little eight year old me had no idea what was so bad about thinking a boy was beautiful until I got older.

There was an openly gay boy in the year above us, Levi and I were only thirteen and I couldn’t grasp the thought of what was so wrong. But when the boys were picking on him and calling him names, I became a coward; I forced my feelings down and pretended to be as straight as a ruler. I still am pretending. I don’t know why I haven’t told anyone I’m gay, I mean my generation is pretty chill now but I guess there is this underlying fear of being rejected by everyone I love.

Even if that means keeping this secret from Levi.

The bell rings and I get changed back into my school uniform of long black pants, a white button up shirt and a black and white striped tie, and the occasional black blazer or jacket in the cooler weather. My stomach growls and I pat it. ‘Shh, you’ll be fed soon’ is my thought as I make it to the lunch areas, sitting down in the usual spot away from all the other seats, perfect for Levi. Speaking of that black haired, blue eyed boy, where is he?

Then, to my utter surprise, Levi walks out, that’s not what’s surprising. The thing that is surprising is the fact that he’s walking with another boy next to him. ‘What? But he hates everyone!’ is my defence, this has to be a mistake then he is standing before me with the other guy. “Hey AJ, this is Gabriel.” He says and looks to the boy with light brown hair and dark eyes that almost seem black. He gives him a pointed look and Levi laughs softly. “Sorry, this is Gabe. Gabe, this is AJ.” He says and I nod at him. Gabe? Their on a nicknames basis? Who the hell is this kid? And what has he done to Levi? My shy and people hating Levi.

“It’s nice to meet you. I don’t really like a lot of people so it might be nice to get to know you guys.” He says, well, that’s why Levi likes him. “Well how do you guys know each other?” I ask, careful to keep any dangerous emotion out of my voice. “The maths teacher last period told me to sit next to him and I did. He seemed not to like people either so I thought may as well hate people together.” Gabe laughs and opens his lunch box from his position next to Levi. “How was last period?” I ask him and he shrugs.

“Same old, boring class filled with the people I hate. What about you?” pHe asks and takes a bite from his sandwich. “Eh, I got hit in the face by a ball but my team won so…go me.” I say and he laughs just as Gabe takes out a piece of caramel cake. Levi’s eyes immediately focus on it and I shake my head with a chuckle. “Gabe, I’d be careful if I were you, Levi here has a thing for sweets.” I say and point to the salivating boy. “Do you want it?” Gabe asks and I cock an eyebrow. He’d just give him a piece of cake? What the hell? Levi nods as the cake is put in front of him. The sandwich that looks to have salad on it is forgotten as he digs into the cake and smiles.

“Thank you so much.” He says gleefully with his mouth full. That adorable idiot, you are eighteen years old, don’t talk with your mouth full. The rest of the lunch break went by, asking questions to the new kid who just moved here from a whole other state, reasons he didn’t want to disclose. Levi seems to like him which was enough to put me on edge. He hated me for a week until he was willing to be my friend. A week! And even after that, this friendship was one careful brick at a time. To see him get this far in friendship with a guy he just met today makes me uncomfortable.

Maybe he’s not the one that should be worried about me leaving him. Maybe I should be worried he’ll leave me. “AJ? Are you even listening to me?” I’m pulled out of my thoughts by a pouting Levi. No! Don’t be cute! “Huh? What were you saying?” I ask and he huffs and crosses his arms, Gabe watching intently. “I take that as a ‘no’ you weren’t listening.” He answers and I shrug sheepishly. “Sorry.” I reply and he rolls his eyes. “I said that you should invite Gabe to your birthday party.” He states while looking over to the silent boy. “What? You want him to come?” I ask, trying to keep all surprise out of my tone. “Not to your actual birthday with just us and your family, I mean the one that you invited the whole damn school too.” He says with an edge and a laugh escapes. “I’m sorry, but everyone is expecting I throw a party for my eighteenth. They’d complain and annoy me.” I say and he rolls his eyes again.

Damn, what an attitude he has today, he should at least be a little happier. I mean he’s had cake! “Well sorry Mr Popular. It’s not my fault that you seem to like all the shitheads at this school.” He says while sliding down further into his seat I laugh again and he glares at me. “This isn’t funny dumbass.” He snips which makes me laugh even more and Gabe just looks from me to him a few times.

“But I guess he can come to the big party before the birthday just for us.” I announce and Gabe looks up happily. “Really? When is it?” he asks and grabs a date planner out. “Um, next Friday.” I say and he flips to the page. “The third of April?” he asks and I nod in confirmation. “Yeah, my real birthday is the fourth.” I say and he nods before turning to back to Levi. “So you two spend your real birthday together?” he asks and Levi nods in response before turning back to the rest of his lunch. I follow suit before my eyes meet Gabe’s who gives me a knowing look.

Huh? He ignores me and continues with his lunch, his face turning back to neutral. What is with this guy?

______________________________________

L E V I

The bell rings and I groan. “Ugh, English. You think we can skip without getting in trouble?” I ask AJ and he laughs. “I highly doubt it Levi.” He responds and I groan and deflate. “Ugh – I hate English.” I mumble and Gabe laughs from beside me. “Me too Levi, I can’t stand English.” He responds and I smile, catching AJ look strange from the corner of my eye. “Well we better go; English is one of the only classes we have together.” AJ says and puts his bag over his shoulder. “Pfft, yeah. Can’t forget that we have cooking together.” I snicker and picture AJ and I in Mrs Davis’s class, AJ covered in flour and other ingredients. He’s as bad with cooking as I am with social interactions.

“What teacher do you have?” I direct the question to Gabe and he grabs a piece of paper out of his bag. “Mrs Cowell.” He responds and AJ snorts. “Good luck with her – the woman’s a tyrant. We had her last year.” He says and shakes his head at the memory of the teacher who would give the whole class detention if one person didn’t bring in homework. I shudder and stand closer to AJ about to depart for class. “I’ll see you later?” I ask Gabe and he smiles and nods and I nod back and start walking with AJ who is silent for most of the way there.

“AJ, are you okay? You’ve been really quiet and I’m starting to worry.”  I bite my lip nervously at what could be wrong. “It’s nothing – I promise. I’m just confused about something.” He reassures but for some reason it doesn’t make me feel any better. “Okay…?” I answer and walk into hell – I mean class.

“Kindaichi Creelmen?” the teacher calls out and I roll my eyes as AJ laughs silently next to me. “Here.” I say flatly and bring my forehead to my desk and let out a groan which only urges AJ to laugh even more. “Don’t worry. They’ll get your name eventually.” AJ comforts and pats my back while biting his cheek to stop himself from laughing at my expense and I shake my head.

“No they won’t. They’ve had plenty of years to learn my name but they haven’t and they never will.” I complain and AJ just smiles and answers ‘present’ when his name is called on the roll.

Mr Tysilk, a fairly young teacher that for some reason has the whole female population of this hell hole in love with him walks from one side of his desk to the other, talking about some literally devices or something. I stifle a yawn and see AJ out of the corner of my eye repeat the action. See . . . English is boring.