#and if you're thinking this is horribly angsty - just know it's not even half of everything i had in mind; but alas curse 30 images limit

[enbyjane]

Patrick Jane and Charlotte Anne Jane “all my grief says the same thing: this isn't how it's supposed to be. this isn't how it's supposed to be. and the world laughs. holds my hope by the throat. says: but this is how it is” - the truth about grief, fortessa latifi 1. My Father's Daughter, Eddie Vedder | 2. The Woman Destroyed, Simone de Beauvoir | 3. seven, Taylor Swift | 4. Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe, Benjamin Alire Sáenz | 5. Grief, Francesca Cox | 6. Arcane, season 1 | 7. The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath | 8. You, Keaton Henson

[hannieehaee]

them accidentally ditching you on your bday pt. 2 - hhu

content: angsty, gender neutral, established relationship, conflict resolution, direct continuation to this, fluff, happy ending, etc.

part 1

wc: 3889

a/n: literally so many ppl requested thisjhdf im glad u guys liked it!! im working on vu and pu versions for this rn btw <3

masterlist

seungcheol -

seungcheol sat there for a minute or so, simply pondering at what had just happened. it was 100% his fault, that was something he was very well aware of. he knew that it had simply slipped his mind, but that did not wipe away the hurt he saw in your eyes upon entering your shared apartment. knowing that you had been waiting for him all day made him feel like an asshole. he couldn't believe that he had forgotten about your birthday even upon coming home at midnight the night prior. he felt like such a hypocrite, always whining at people to give him royalty treatment on his birthday but absolutely ignoring you during yours. you, his most favorite person.

he felt hurt that you had decided to spend the night with some friends, instead of in the arms of your boyfriend, but he understood. this was what he deserved. god knew that he wouldve pulled out all the dramatics if you had done the same to him, which was why he was now at a standstill, not knowing what he should do. he wanted to see you so badly, get on his knees and apologize, letting you know over and over again that you were the most vital person in his life and that forgetting you was something that not even he could forgive himself for.

now, he could've sat there and lamented himself over his stupid mistake, or he could run after you before you made it out of the building. he did not want you going to bed angry, or much worse, sad, so he picked the latter and got off his ass to chase after you, not caring about his current exhaustion as he took the stairs rather than the elevator in order to be able to catch up to you before you made it to your car.

luckily for him, he was able to catch you just as you stepped out of the elevator (having ran down five flights of stairs and almost injuring himself in the process), completely unsuspecting to his sudden ambush. he hadn't noticed until now, but you had dressed up, clearly ready to go clubbing or partying with your friends. he felt bad to get in the way of your plans. no, he felt horrible to accidentally ditch you and then ruin your plans. but he needed to at least try and make amends. he knew that if this were him, he'd want you to try and make it up to him.

you jumped back a bit at seungcheol's sudden apparition as you rounded the corner upon exiting the elevator, seemingly not having expected him to come after you.

"cheol, what are you doing?", you didn't seem mad, but your tone let him know you were clearly not content with him.

okay, he didn't think as far as this. his main goal was just to convince you to stay, then he would come up with a way to make it up to you.

"baby, i ... i'm so sorry. i know how hypocritical this is coming from me. i never meant to forget, you know that! there's nothing i can do to make up for having forgotten about you today, but please, please let me try."

"cheol .. i don't know," you paused, "last year when i texted you at 12:03 you complained about it for over an hour. you're the one always making a big deal about this. i assumed you'd care when the shoe was on your foot, but apparently not."

"i do! i do care. baby, please. let me take you out. ditch your friends. i'll take you somewhere. anywhere. i'll even take you out tomorrow too! i'll take the day off. how does that sound?"

"you cant take the day off, cheol. you're an idol-"

"i dont care! they can come and try to drag me away from you if they want. i want to be with you. please let me. please don't leave. cant stand the thought of you going to sleep alone after what i did."

you chuckled at the first half of his statement, feeling touched at the second part of it.

"are you sure?"

he scoffed, deciding to go on a leap and hold onto your hands, pulling you closer to him, "yes! there's nothing i wanted to do more today than be with you! it mightve slipped my mind that today was the day, but i had a beautiful day for us planned, baby. will you let me show you? please?"

cheol knew it was hard for you to say no to him, specially when he whined and pouted at you, giving you his best performance in order for you to understand how badly he felt. it didn't take much more for you to break, finally letting a smile graced your face as you squeezed his hands in yours.

"you better make this worth my while, choi seungcheol," god, he hated when anyone called him that, but you were the exception.

"always."

wonwoo -

wonwoo was astonished at himself, for lack of a better word. he had never been more disappointed in himself than in this moment. sure, he didn't take birthdays too seriously, and he knew you didn't either, but you always made him feel so special on his day he had only wanted to do the same. he was a lowkey guy, so his ways of showing love sometimes went unnoticed by most people, except for you. you accepted the subtlety of his love, loving him all the more for it. he felt terrible that today he showed you the exact opposite of what he had planned. he had taken weeks to perfect the dinner he had wanted to make for you, having prepared a romantic night for the two of you. all he wanted was to make you feel loved as he held you through the night, but his plan had stupidly slipped his mind.

what kind of asshole ditches their significant other on their birthday? for a stupid video game out of all things? as soon as wonwoo communicated what you had texted him to mingyu, his roommate couldn't help but scold him, telling him this was very uncharacteristic of him. which it was. everyone knew wonwoo to be a very sensible guy. it was very rare for anyone to have their feelings hurt by wonwoo. the guy was just simply too emotionally intelligent to ever be perceived as a hurtful individual. except now he had shown a careless part of himself that rarely ever faced the surface.

he was unsure of what to do. it was clear by your messages that you did not want to see him. you quite literally had asked him to not come. your texts to him were always filled with love, somehow being able to have your affections to him transcend even through text. but these were cold, and with good reason. still, wonwoo did not want to give up. the only thing that would be worse than ditching you on your birthday would be to stay where he was, knowing you were not only upset but also hurt by his actions. or rather, lack there of.

so, wonwoo was now on his way to you. well, to your apartment. you had mentioned in your messages that you would be out with friends due to his absence. it killed him that you had chosen to be with your friends over him, but he was fully aware that he only had himself to blame for that. he was glad you at least had someone to be with while his forgetfulness kept him away from you.

he had a key to your apartment, often heading over to fall asleep in your arms after a grueling day of being an idol. upon arriving there, he knew you'd be gone, so he allowed himself in, hauling in all the ingredients he had packed with him in order to make you the dinner he had been planning all these weeks. he was unsure of when you'd arrive back home, so he needed to hurry just in case. there was also a chance you'd come back in the early hours of the morning, knowing you would sometimes stay out with your friends til 1 or 2 in the am. having practiced this dinner multiple times, wonwoo was able to have it all done by 10, hoping that you'd arrive soon so the dinner wouldn't go to waste. he took care of the ambience, lighting candles and even moving furniture aside to make space for his set up. all he had to do now was wait for your arrival.

it had taken you around two hours to arrive. wonwoo had simply sat there waiting for you, not wanting to contact you as to not disturb you. okay, maybe he had maniacally texted you back earlier, apologizing for his mistake over and over, but had received no response, so he had decided it'd be best to just wait for you to arrive on your own. and now you were here, crossing the door to your apartment.

you stopped upon spotting him, widening your eyes before taking note of the dinner table behind him, "wonwoo? what are you doing here?"

he smiled sadly at you, slightly unsure of what to say, "i cooked for you," he paused, continuing upon seeing your confusion, "im so sorry. time got the best of me. i cant believe it slipped my mind. i knew it was today, but i got too distracted. i never wanted to make you feel like i didnt care. i do. so much."

you stood there without saying anything, still carrying a slightly shocked expression on your face. so he continued.

"baby ... please, have a meal with me. i prepared all this for you. this is what i had planned for today, if only i hadnt forgotten. let me make it up to you, please. i already called off tomorrow. i had a whole day planned for us, but i'll do whatever you want. if you want me to leave, i will. just, please. i need you to know how much i care. i love you, you're everything."

you continued to stare at him for a bit, a soft smile slowly breaking into your features before responding.

"nonu .. you didn't have to do all this. i'm sorry if i made you worry. this is ... it's such a sweet gesture. of course i want you to stay. all i wanted all day was to be with you," it melted his heart that you had wanted him all day, but were separated by none other than himself.

he pulled you into his arms halfway through your response, humming as he felt you hug him back. nothing felt as nice as your touch against his.

"im so sorry, beautiful. this will never happen again, i promise."

"i love you, wonwoo. thank you."

"happy birthday."

mingyu -

mingyu had never hauled ass quicker than at that moment, not even bothering to say goodbye to his roommate before grabbing a jacket and sprinting out of the door.

he couldn't believe his behavior towards you. you had always been a top priority to him, and to now realize he had forgotten your birthday gutted him tremendously. but what got to him even more was the knowledge that you had probably been waiting all day for him, having agreed beforehand that he would make space for you on your special day even through his packed comeback schedule. the sole thought that you, the bestest person he had ever met, had sat alone waiting for him all day, made him feel like the worst boyfriend. so now he was quite literally running in order to get to you.

the dryness of your voice during that call should've been the first hint that something was wrong, but what really made the alarms go off in his head was your lack of response when he said 'i love you' to you. mingyu knew it was dumb to care so much about it, but he thrived off words of affirmation, so your lack of response made him immediately assume something was wrong. you had never not reciprocated his words of affection, much less hung up on him. the moment he expressed his concerns to wonwoo, he was reminded by his roommate that 'oh wait, isn't it their birthday this week?' suddenly his mind started spiraling, now remembering that he had forgotten his boyfriend duties on the most important day.

it didn't take him too long to get to your apartment. okay, he didn't actually run there, he was just being a tad bit dramatic. but dramatics were necessary in this situation, which is why the moment you begrudgingly opened the door after his incessant knocks, allowing him inside, he immediately dropped to his knees, looking up at you as he rambled apologies at you.

"baby, i'm so fucking sorry. god, i don't know how i forgot. i swear the day just slipped my mind. i had plans ready, i swear! i've just been so busy with the comeback- not that that's an excuse! you have every reason to be mad at me. it won't happen again, i promise, i-" mingyu wasn't sure when exactly he was going to stop listing off constant apologies to you. he wasn't really paying attention to what he was saying at this point, just repeating himself over and over again, letting it slip past him that you were now standing above him, holding in your amusement at the state of the pleading man before you.

"mingyu, please get up."

like an obedient boy, he got up, now towering over you as he usually did. he immediately held onto your hands, bringing them up to his chest as he continued his apologies.

"you have every right to be mad at me. i neglected you and forgot about you when i shouldn't have. i didn't even wanna come home to wonwoo tonight! i wanted to come to you! but we have a schedule early tomorrow morning, so it was just easier. but i'll cancel! i'll stay here with you! i wanna make it up to you-"

"mingyu, shut up!"

that was enough for him to slam his mouth shut immediately, looking at you as he waited for your next command words.

"mingyu, listen. i understand. i was hurt you forgot, but i understand you're really busy right now, okay? i'm not angry at you. you don't have to cancel your schedule either. i don't want to get in the way of-"

"i'll do it! you're my top priority, baby. you know that."

"i still don't want you to cancel, gyu. it's fine. i'm not angry. i appreciate your apology. just wanted to be with you today .. i'm sorry if i made you worry," you looked down, almost as if embarrassed by having felt hurt by his actions. this made mingyu melt with guilt.

"no, baby. fuck. how can i make this up to you? can i stay here tonight? hmm? i'll cook you dinner and wake you up with breakfast. i'll even cut my schedule short for tomorrow so i can be back home with you earlier. how's that sound?"

"sounds perfect mingyu, thank you," he took this as confirmation to finally hold you in his arms, swaying you back and forth as he hummed the birthday song lightly against your ear, causing you to giggle against him.

vernon -

everyone was aware that vernon could sometimes be a little too chill for his own good. he didn't make too big of a deal about most things, simply going with the flow and allowing things to evolve on their own. except that could not be done in this situation. right now, he needed to make a choice. give you your space, or run home to you, tail between his legs as he apologized for ever having forgotten about you. the last thing vernon would ever want was for you to not feel the immense amount of love he's always had for you. he knew he could be bad at showing it sometimes, but you were the absolute love of his life, which made him feel devastated over and over again as he kept rereading your texts.

'maybe you should stay at the dorms tonight. not really in the mood for you to spend the night. im sorry. love you.' that was what you had last sent to him exactly thirty-eight minutes ago. how could he just sit with that for the rest of the night? specially when all he wanted to do was be with you and hold you and kiss you and show you how incredibly obsessed with you he was. he was never good with dates, but he had always gotten any and all dates pertaining to you right thus far. he even had a gift for you he had purchased a few months back, but he had stupidly forgotten the day he had been preparing for was this week. this mistake was an outlier, truly, but it hurt you nonetheless, which was all vernon cared about at the moment. he couldn't believe you'd been having to hint at your birthday while your boyfriend remained clueless. you must've felt so dejected. he winced at the thought.

however, right now was not a time for lamentations. even if you kicked him out and told him to get fucked, vernon had to at least try to come home to you now. he quickly went over the situation with his members, explaining that he had been a total douchebag and neglected you. that earned him scoldings from all members present, calling him all types of names and demanding he head over to your apartment right this instant to beg for forgiveness and hope you wouldn't just send him right back.

so now he was on his way to you, despite you having instructed him to stay away. he wanted to respect your wishes, but he couldn't go to sleep tonight knowing your heart was still hurt because of him. he needed to at least see you and have you know that he was willing to try and mend things. vernon wasn't one for public displays, nor was he one for dramatics, but he was willing to pull all stops for you if it meant you'd forgive him. which was why he was currently running through the hybe hallways as he called up his driver to be ready to take him to your apartment as soon as he reached the parking lot.

he had had time to think over a game plan on the way over, except nothing came to mind. the two of you had never fought before. sure, there had been a few minuscule spats here and there, but he had never seen you angry at him before; he'd never given any reason to be until now. he didn't want to freak out over this, but knew how hurtful it must've been for you to feel so neglected by the person who's supposed to love you most, so he felt a pit in his stomach with the worry that maybe this would be enough for you to finally snap at his forgetful tendencies and end it. he didn't have much time to think about this, however, as he now stood in front of your apartment door, fearful of knocking on it.

the decision to open the door was made for him, as you incidentally opened it yourself, yelping at his apparition on the other side of it.

"vernon? what are you doing here?", you didn't seem angry. you seemed more confused at his presence. that was good.

"i- uh ... i'm sorry."

okay, kind of a bad start.

"vernon. i told you not to come over tonight. i'm sorry, i'm not really in the mood to see you right now," even though you didn't appear angry, your eyes wouldn't meet his, making him deflate a bit.

"are you mad at me? i'm so sorry. i didnt mean to forget, i swear," vernon knew there wasn't much he could say past that, but he wanted you to at least know he regretted his neglect.

"i'm not angry, vernon. i'm just a little ... sad. i tried to be subtle about it. i mean, i dont even care for my birthday that much, but i hoped my boyfriend would at least remember it."

"baby, god. i am so fucking sorry. i never meant to make you feel like i didn't care. it just slipped my mind. i know it's not a valid excuse, but i need you to know that it doesnt mean anything. i'm just a fucking idiot. i'm sorry."

he was rambling now. somehow you being hurt by him trumped the chance of you being mad.

"vernon, it's fine. i dont want you beating yourself up about it. i'll get over it. i just need space tonight. i was about to go meet with a friend before you got here," you seemed like you just wanted to get out of the situation, clearly feeling awkward at even expressing your disappointment at him. it made vernon feel like even more of an asshole.

"no! be mad! you shouldn't get over it. i should be making it up to you. stay. please. i'll do anything you want. i'll take tomorrow off. we can do something together. anything you want. i have a gift for you and everything! i got it while in japan, the date just slipped my mind, i swear. please stay. i don't want to leave you alone if i made you sad. please."

"vernon ..."

"please. i don't want to force you. if you want to leave, i'll accept it, but let me make it up to you. i dont want you to feel like i dont care. i do. i know i dont express it much, that's on me. i'll make it known. i'll show you. i don't want to hurt you again, i-"

he was unable to finish his sentence, now stumbling back due to a sudden weight against him. you, with your arms now wrapped around him as your face nuzzled his neck. he instinctively wrapped his arms around you, squeezing you in as he lowered his head to breathe you in, humming as he felt the relief of having you in his hold.

you pulled away too quickly for his liking, eyes slightly glossy but not enough to consider it worrisome, "i forgive you. i'm sorry, i didn't mean to exaggerate. i did feel neglected, but-"

"but nothing. don't apologize, please. this won't happen again, okay? i love you."

"i love you too," you smiled at him before pausing, "i .. do you wanna come in?", you seemed a bit sheepish, probably feeling awkward at hearing vernon ramble apologies at you for the past five minutes, showing way more emotion than he usually did.

"come in? oh, you're not leaving? wait, don't answer that. yes," he held onto your hand before you could say anything, pulling you in for a quick kiss before leading you into your apartment, all under the promise to make up for his previous carelessness and never make you doubt his affections for you ever again.

[lauvgoods]

hey queen could i request a little angsty rafe x reader inspired by the alcott by the national featuring taylor swift

the alcott / rafe cameron

SUMMARY : rafe has a bad habit of ruining the good parts of his life, including you, but you just can't seem to walk away

PARTNERING : rafe cameron x gn!reader

WORD COUNT : 3916

GENRE : angst , open-ended

WARNINGS : unhealthy relationship, drugs and alcohol, a few swear words, one brief mention of sex

A/N : first request! this ran a little longer and angstier than i'd expected, but i really hope i was able to do this justice and give you what you wanted! i also hope you're okay with it being so open-ended

𐙚₊˚⊹ 🦢 “it’s been a long time, but I really need to get some things off of my chest. mind meeting me at the country club? our spot?”

the text is brief, to the point. you wouldn’t expect much more from rafe given that it’s, well, rafe, but it caught you off guard nonetheless. the distance between the two of you has only grown after everything went down, after what he had done, and honestly he didn’t expect you to respond, much less agree to seeing him. then again, you always seemed to be the only one to see the best in him even if he knew he didn’t deserve it. you’d always–almost always forgiven him no matter how horrible he could act. 

rafe is wringing his hands, sitting in his car, trying to convince himself that this will be alright, though he knows that it’s just you at the end of the day. just you? he internally scoffs at his own thoughts. it has never been just you. the one person who truly made him feel alive, like he was a person outside of his mistakes. what was it you had always told him? “you are more than the worst parts of yourself.” you’d never thought of him as a lost cause, not once, but here he is thinking about how best to go about asking for your forgiveness yet again. 

two years of knowing each other, of loving each other, and yet it had all gone to shit. as usual, he knew, all because of himself. 

there’s a pool shack just near the main building, the one where he’d first spotted you, where you’d peaked his interest. rather than out getting a tan or swimming, you were sat in the corner of the building, a fancy little golden notebook propped up against your knees. it was cooler inside, so half of him couldn’t blame you, but he guesses it was that notebook that had caught his attention. a journal, diary, he didn’t much care at the time, but when he sees you in that exact same spot, with the exact same notebook, the biggest sense of deja vu washes over him. he’s stuck there, staring at you, watching you with that pen probably writing in the nicest handwriting you can. you haven’t noticed him just yet, and that’s how he knows that whatever it is, it’s captured your attention and pulled you into a little bubble like always. he isn’t stupid, though, he’s seen it on your socials, you leaning against someone else in pictures, smiling like how you did at the start of your relationship. not like the end, where everything was clear by the dimmed light in your eyes, smile not reaching them in the way he loved. he knows what you’re writing about—or rather who. 

after a few minutes of admittedly creepy staring from him, you feel that prickling on the back of your neck, that itch of eyes watching, and look up to see him. he looks different, cleaner, more alive than he had before, and your breath catches in your throat. there’s a familiar ache in your chest, a bittersweet taste on your tongue, before the corners of your lips turn up into a warm smile. rafe just stares for a moment, taking you in. you look the same, but that light has come back, and that brings him more grief than you’ll know for the conversation he has in mind. 

a couple of steps forward, and he’s sitting across from you. the sunlight coming in through the window washes you both in its warmth, melting the awkward feelings that might have otherwise arisen. there’s this look on his face, one that you know all too well. his jaw is locked tight, hands clenched into fists, and he’s avoiding your eyes. he hopes that you’ll still believe him this time when he talks, but he wouldn’t be shocked if you didn’t. he half expects you to walk out before he can get a word out, a sickly smirk on your face as you taunt him for ever thinking he could get a positive reaction out of you after it all. 

“i’m sorry.” 

it’s clear the words take effort to get out, and your eyes widen as they hit you. you can’t recall the last time he apologized, genuinely apologized. not something half-assed just to move on from another fight so you can fall back into an old routine again. kissing, falling back into bed with one another, walking on eggshells, the party, the inevitable fight, another fake apology. it was a cycle, an awful cycle that you wouldn’t dare break for fear of losing him. the truth, though, was that you’d lost him a long time ago. 

you can read him like an open book, like an instruction manual leading you to all his deepest darkest feelings that he wouldn’t dare let anyone catch a glimpse of. there’s fear, and you hate the way your heart inevitably softens at it all. you don’t reply though, placing your pen between the pages and setting it carefully on the table separating the two of you. you wait, looking directly at where his eyes would meet yours if they weren’t so carefully looking just above at your forehead. he never was good at confrontation, not heavy ones like these anyway. anger he could deal with. you’ve lost count of the number of times he’d punched a wall, or slammed a door, all out of pure rage. guilt is something he’s been quick to bury, whether under layers of other emotions or less-than-healthy outlets. 

“i hurt you, i know that. i did a lot of things i’m not proud of. i’ve–” he cuts himself off with a harsh sigh, tightly clenching his fist. words or conversations like these have never been his biggest strength. “i ruined what we had. the coke, the drinking, the fighting, and then the way i broke it all off, i never should have treated you that way.” 

“rafe, can we please go home? it’s late and you’ve had a lot to drink and i just think you should cut yourself off for the night.”

it wasn’t the first time you’d asked him that night. as a matter of fact, it was the third. still, he looked up at you with an expression that left you feeling small and insignificant in a way that can’t be described. here you were again, killing his high and, as he would probably be saying later, ruining his night as always. you knew, though, that he didn’t really mean any of it. in the morning he’d wake up beside you, pressing kisses to your cheek and apologizing for how he’d acted, saying he would try to get better, for you. 

tears filled your eyes, yet you held your tongue, knowing that angering him during a high would never be a good idea. you weren’t scared of him, knowing he would never lay a hand on you, but his shouting was almost worse than any physical blows. his words lingered in the back of your mind. 

“rafe, you know how much i hate these parties. you always end up high out of your mind and leaving off on my own to hang out with your friends. can’t we just stay in tonight?” you’d asked, eyes pleading while he turned off the ignition. 

he let your worries roll off of his back like water, shaking his head and grabbing your hand to kiss the back of it with that boyish grin you loved. “c’mon, i promise i’ll stick with you this time. promise it’ll just be a few drinks and then we can head back, ‘kay?”

promises, promises, promises. all empty even if he didn’t know it while making them. the moment he’d had two drinks, he had his eyes zeroed in on the table in the corner, and was off before you even knew he’d gone. you stood there in the kitchen, turning in circles, standing on the tips of your toes to try and spot him out among the crowd of partygoers. he’d left you again, and it took you nearly half an hour to find him. of course, the lines of white powder lined up and a rolled dollar bill clasped between his fingers. his pupils were already blown, that dazed look in his eye, and he smiled stupidly at you before waving you over. 

“c’mere, i want you to try this time.”

that one moment would come up in more fights than either of you could have known. 

you never did a single line, walking out on the party the moment he’d started getting annoyed at your lack of interest in the drugs, having a screaming match that same night, and it was one of the first times you saw him cry. fists pressed into his face, crouched down to his knees as he tried to regain some control over his emotions. there wasn’t much rafe didn’t tell you, especially regarding his situation with ward. his father had always been awful to him, never making him feel wanted. you knew that beneath that tough, hardened exterior was a boy who had been left on his own, neglected and never truly loved in the way he deserved. 

“every time i tried to tell you to hold back, to reel it all in, you’d look at me like i was an idiot, rafe. Like i was horrible for wanting to help you. you didn’t just hurt me rafe, you shattered me. you made promise after promise and then broke it all in the same night. it’s like you looked right into my mind, figured out the absolute last thing i wanted you to do, and just immediately went and did it.”

the smile is gone, the warmth from the sun fueling the sudden surge of emotions. your throat feels tight as you finally speak, memories pulling free from that little wall you’d put up, trying so hard to forget it all. to move on. that small ache in your chest seems to have burst, tearing at everything it reaches. there’s a burning in your eyes, but you blink fast in an effort to keep it all in. once that dam breaks, you know it’ll come out all at once and ruin any composure you have. 

rafe feels that spark of guilt erupt into a blaze, and despite the heat outside the cold pricks like needles at his skin. he’s already caught on to that uptick in your breathing, the way your knee bounces under the table even though he can’t fully see it. there’s a slight shake to your fingers that breaks his heart all over again. he’s painfully aware of it. 

everyone had warned you about dating rafe, how he’d only hurt you, keep you as another notch on his belt before going on to the next poor girl. despite the worries lingering in the back of your mind, you simply couldn’t attach that description to the same man you knew. the one that would ask to stay over, fall asleep with his head on your lap, the way he’d look at you like you were the sun. falling for him was like breathing, but when you hit the ground it nearly broke you. 

“i know i lied, and you deserved better than me. honestly, i wish you’d walked away just so you’d be less hurt in the end.” there’s a strained tone dripping off of his every word, rafe’s eyebrows knitting together while his eyes bore holes into the table. “god, i ruined everything.”

your bottom lip quivers, and you know that you’re done for. your vision is already going blurry, and any breath you take feels like it’s coming through a straw. 

“you ever think that you’re my problem? huh? maybe it’s you, not me. you’re always weighing me down, fucking nagging me for attention instead of going out and doing the things i wanna do. i just wanted a girlfriend that would be there for me, you know? listen to me and not try to drag me down. you hear me? you’re suffocating me!”

the words shouted at you as rafe paced back and forth across the empty parking lot were just that. words. he’d wake up in the morning no longer coked out or angry, but even this was a new low for him. as much as you tried to hide them, the tears spilled over. he didn’t really mean it, you knew that. you knew he had trouble controlling his anger, losing his grip, that he would beg you with tears in his eyes to forgive him. but it hurt. the mornings waking up, your body sore from crying yourself out until you were dehydrated and weak, then covering your puffy and red eyes with anything you could just to make him feel less guilty, knowing he didn’t actually believe the things he said. these moments, though, made you feel like a speck. a tiny speck but yet also the most enormous burden to him. you loved him so much it was killing you, had been killing you for longer than you realized.

“you even sound like my sister! ‘rafe, what’s wrong with you?’ ‘rafe, stop it!’ which side are you even on? why don’t you go ahead and hang out with her and all her shitty friends if you wanna say that shit?”

why couldn’t he ever make it easy on you, not even this one time? he’d taken everything you ever loved and blown it all up like a goddamn landmine, stepping on all the good memories that you had of him and forever tainting any other parts of your life when looking back on what your life had been like when you were dating him. you’d given all of yourself over to helping him, to trying to get him to see himself like you did. now when you try to focus on who you’d been back then, all you can remember is what stage with him you were in. that one time you had tried to spend christmas with your family? all you can think about now is how worried you were that he might be out partying and could overdose instead of truly enjoying your time together. 

your entire life had been completely focused both on loving him and on making sure he didn’t completely ruin his. 

“did you mean any of it?”

your voice sounds less like yourself with the way you’re having to hold it all in. it’s then, hearing you, that he finally looks you in the eye. tears are brimming in your eyes, droplets hanging onto the lashes before finally dripping down onto your shirt. your face has grown flushed, your throat painfully dry and constricted. 

“didn’t mean anything i said when i was high or drunk off my ass. you were never the problem, that was all me.” he sounds earnest as he speaks, and you can tell from the way he’s rubbing his hands against his pants that it’s getting to him just as much as it is you. “i was so focused on getting my next fix, but i promise you you were everything to me.”

that’s when the dam starts to crack, the tears flowing freely down your face, starting that itchy feeling on your neck as you try to wipe them with the back of your hands. 

“did i do any good?” your voice is wavering, on the edge of a full-blown sob. “loving you? did i help you any at all while we were together?”

rafe was laid out on the bed, the alcohol having long since gotten him drowsy. he didn’t get high this time, which was likely what had saved you from another fight. you simply didn’t have the energy. looking into the bathroom mirror, you were a ghost of the girl you’d been when you first started dating him. it was valentine’s day, he had made plans for a date and you’d even bought a new dress to wear out to eat. but, of course, rafe had gotten into a bottle of wine, claiming it to be the more romantic decision to start out the evening. the night had gone sour the moment he pulled the two glasses from the overhead cabinet and poured himself a generous amount. 

it was three glasses later for him–you hadn’t had a sip of yours–when he’d stumbled and knocked the entire glass down the front of your dress. 

“i’m so, so sorry, i didn’t mean to i just tripped.”

it was with tears in your eyes that you reassured him you weren’t upset, that you didn’t feel like dinner anyway. what rafe also neglected to realize was how far past the time of the dinner reservations it was. holding back another crying session, you led him up to bed where he promptly flopped down on top of it all. 

standing over the sink, still in your ruined evening gown, tears left tracks in your makeup, mascara running as your shoulders shook, yet you held in any noise for fear of making him feel guilty. every time, you reminded yourself of how kind and good he could be. you told yourself that you knew the person beneath all of this, that you knew that he had so much potential to be better, he just really needed to try and for it to stick. 

“you were the best thing i’ve ever had.”

rafe’s eyes are red, eyes glassy with tears, and you can tell he’s holding it all in. 

“you saw the best in me when no one else did. you didn’t just see a screw-up, a druggie, a disappointment, or a hopeless cause. you just saw me.” 

it’s on that last word that his voice breaks, and the gasp that he sucks in splinters any resolve you have left. you’ve never had the strongest will to walk away, only doing so after he destroyed it all. 

but rafe knew that he was poisoning you, could tell even if he refused to admit it to himself. he’d heard you crying sometimes, seen you through video calls with those puffy eyes, could see the way he was the one sucking the life out of you day by day. rather than trying to fix it or talk to you, or even get real help, he did what he does best. he self-destructed. 

that night, when he’d been calling you the problem in the middle of that empty parking lot, that was where he blew it all up. 

“i can’t do this anymore.”

red-eyed and frozen in place, you looked up at him, feeling like all the air had been sucked from your lungs. you were choking on it. he’d gone ranting and raving, had raised his voice, but never even came close to ending things. 

“rafe, no, you don’t mean that. you can’t-”

you’d started toward him, hoping that you could embrace him, console him, and things would be alright. it was a curse, the worst kind of curse, yet one that you loved because it was him. you loved him with every single part of yourself even if that meant breaking yourself to save him even in the slightest. he, however, put up his arms in front of himself and took a step back, shaking his head. 

“no, i’m done. we’re done. i don’t want to do this anymore with you, ‘cause i know all you want is to fix me. you don’t care about me for me, this is who i am. i go out and i party and i have the time of my life. it’s clear you can’t handle that.”

your breaths came out short, harsh, trying to backpedal and get him to see reason, more panicked than he’d ever heard you. “ro, rafe i promise you i can, i’m so sorry if i made you feel like i don’t really care about you. we can work on this if you just-”

“STOP!”

you were on the verge of sobbing at this point, unable to figure out where it had taken such a turn for the worst possible end. had you thought about walking away? more than once, but you rationalized that you couldn’t leave him like this. 

and he left. he walked away, back into the house party that you drove him to, claiming that topper or somebody else could take him home. he left you there, crumbling into absolutely nothing with the worst pain you’d felt in your entire life, like something in your chest was ripping apart, holding back screams. 

“i need you to help me forget you, rafe, ‘cause i can’t just go on like this.”

your hands come up to hold yourself, rubbing up and down your arms as you cry in front of the boy you loved. you want more than anything to hate him, to be able to just scream at him or tell him how much of you he’d taken. you’ve been trying to build yourself back up, trying to fix that hole in your chest. two years doesn’t just disappear in a few months. loving someone in that way leaves its mark on you, sticks to you like a second skin, comes back when you think you’re finally starting to be okay again and devastates you. it leaves you walking around as a ghost, all this love and no one to give it to because the person you hold in your heart is gone. 

the problem for rafe is, he doesn’t want to forget. he knows he can’t, that in him is that love that he’s tried so hard to bury for both of your sakes, that anything he wants will just ruin any chance of what you’re trying to achieve all over again. 

“i’m trying to get clean,” he says instead, taking in a stuttered breath. “about two months now, 'cause i know how much you hated it.”

the both of you know it, how no matter how hard you try it’s nearly impossible to walk away. it would be better for everyone, healthier for everyone. you can get with that person you’ve been posting, he can find someone that makes him happy without flashing back to every fight if something starts to go wrong. you two won’t risk falling into bad habits, and can be happy individually. 

instead, you open that golden notebook with shaky hands, your pen having held your place, and you turn it for him to read. 

“can you, um, can you read that last sentence out loud?”

he looks at you, eyes searching for some sort of meaning to how quickly the topic seems to have changed, before letting his gaze fall down to the words at the bottom of the page. 

“i’m trying, i’m really trying here, but i don’t know if i can move on from him, not with all that i’ve still got left in me.” he trails off at the end as he seems to realize what you mean, and lets out a slow breath. 

“rafe, i knew from the minute i got that text what might happen. i knew, for a fact, that i’d be falling back in love with you the minute i saw your face.” 

the air is still, a long silence stretching between the only two people in the room. the sun has gone behind a patch of clouds, leaving the room darker. 🕯️⋆˙ᝰ.ᐟ

[moonswolfie]

HQ!! Boys with a poet S/O

hey hey hey guess who's back with a super self indulgent piece of shit fic (i am joking, this is my humour)

also let's just say the reader does not write about cute lightearted things (but if you'd like to see a version where the reader writes cute stuff lmk!!)

so, yk TW for implied mental turmoil and an overall angsty hurt/comfort mood for these

Characters featured: Oikawa, Akaashi, Kageyama, Bokuto, Iwa chan

OIKAWA honestly wouldn't believe that those poems were written by you at first. When you excitedly gave him some of your poems to read, he thought they would be cutesy love poems dedicated to him and only him, not this. "What...? Are they bad?" You seemed worried at his wide-eyed expression. "Baby, are you ...okay?" He asked out of the blue, the genuine worry in his tone knocking the wind out of you. "Hahaha, it feels so weird hearing you say that...!" You tried your best to not let any more laughter escape you. "What?! Am I not allowed to be a good boyfriend now?!" He was offended by your reaction, slightly clutching the poems in his hands. "No, it's just... unusual to see you this concerned about me." You said with a half-smile. You had gotten so used to Oikawa's light-hearted flirty attitude, that you sort of forgot just what kind of person he is. "Just what do you think of me?" He sighed, suddenly pulling you in for a hug. "You know you can tell me anything, right?" All you did was nod, feeling relieved that he understands.

AKAASHI 's eyes would widen gradually as he read the contents of your poem. You gave him 5, but he already feels horrible, and he's only on the first one. He almost doesn't want to believe you wrote this. He becomes worried about you, doing a deep analysis on your poem since he wants to understand every part before approaching you with his worries. The next day when you greet him happily, he simply hugs you. "I'm sorry for not noticing..." is all he says, and though it takes you a bit to understand what he means, you feel overwhelmingly relieved he isn't judging you for what happened. "It's okay, I didn't tell you, you couldn't have known..." you assured him, knowing your boyfriend's tendency to overthink, he would beat himself up if you said nothing. "Next time, please please tell me about things like this. I can't stand the thought of you suffering alone." He squeezed you tighter.

KAGEYAMA is confused. Reading and understanding poems was never his strong suit, but yours are especially confusing to him. You laughed a little at his concentration face, and he handed you your poem back, still confused. "What does this even mean...?" He asked, eyebrows furrowed. "Ahaha, don't worry about it too much... I wrote it like that on purpose." You made your poem vague and messy on purpouse, something you knew Kageyama probably couldn't understand properly. Awkward silence filled the room, and Kageyama silently hugged you all of a sudden. "I don't get why, but I got the random urge to hug you just now..." he mumbled silently, squeezing you in his grip. He must have noticed the sadness behind your voice and just doesn't know how to properly comfort you. "You said that out loud, Tobio." You smiled. "Shit..."

BOKUTO 's smile drops suddenly as he reads your poem. When he found you writing it, he insisted that he must read it no matter what. But what in the world was this? Why were you writing about all this sad stuff? "Babe...." his hands trembled slightly as he looked at you while you were smiling as you usually do. "Why would you say that about yourself?" He was very very saddened right now, and you weren't sure who's going to end up comforting who. You felt your bones being crushed in his impulsive hug. "It isn't true!! You're literally the best person I know!! So don't you dare say that again!!" He put his forearm over his eyes, tears stinging at his eyes. He has to be strong for you, he can't cry now. "Kou-" "I've decided! From today on, you're getting complimented every day!! No excuses!!" He looked very determined.

IWAIZUMI understood the content of your poems very well. And it angered him. Why didn't you tell him this happened?! "Idiot." He let the word escape his lips, clutching the paper in his hands. "You should have told me. I would have protected you." He looked to you. You weren't scared since you knew that your boyfriend was genuinely concerned right now, and that was just his way of expressing it. "Dammit, why do you always insist on keeping your problems to yourself..." he pulled you to his side, looking ahead. "I'll tell you next time..." you looked down to the ground. "You better. Or I'll beat you up." He huffed, but you saw the relief flashing in his eyes. He didn't really show it, but somehow, you could tell his heart sank when he read it.

I'm okay :)

[myseungsunglove]

When darkness comes, you’re always there | Ksm

Pairing: Seungmin x Reader

Warnings: angsty feelings with fluffy comfort

Word Count: 1.9k

Summary: It's been one of those days where your demons win every argument. Beat you down and remind you how worthless you are. There’s only one person who offers any solace when you get this lost and that's Kim Seungmin.

A/N: I had a really rough day on the day I wrote this. Like colossally shitty. I spent the better half of it crying alone in bed wishing I had something like this. So, as my own form of therapy, I wrote.

◠ ◡ ◠᭚ιαᵕ̈

Feedback Welcome

「© August 1, 2023 by myseungsungheart」

Some days you lose yourself and can’t remember how to get back to the light. The darkness consumes you, swallows you whole, and you’re certain you’ll be lost forever.

Today is one of those days. Seungmin has been home late every night this week, and today your brain decided it was the perfect time to wage war on you. It’s a full on assault and you find yourself defenseless and spiraling before you even know what hit you. Every horrible and self deprecating thought you’ve ever had seems to be joining the party. You’re sure you must be a nuisance to everyone around you. The boys, even Seungmin. You convince yourself that that’s why he has been coming home at three in the morning, so he doesn’t have to deal with you. Your polluted mind is certain this must be the truth and the reality that Seungmin is busy preparing numerous events for STAY can’t break through the dark lies that your brain is weaving so intricately.

You haven’t crawled out of the bed, drank water, or eaten a thing today. It’s nearing 10 pm at this point. The rational side of you knows the lack of food and water only compounds the problem and the intense feelings you’re experiencing, but rational you is not in charge today. You curl up into yourself, blankets wrapped tightly around your shoulders and up over your head, seeking solace in puppy m and sob. You’ve sobbed for hours without relenting at this point, and you wonder briefly just how much more liquid could come out of a person who is as dehydrated as you currently must be.

At some point you fall asleep, exhausted from the emotional turmoil of the day.

Something wakes you around 1, but you don’t really register it in your sleepy haze. You're hit with an enormous headache from the lack of any kind of nutrients for the better part of 24 hours and you realize that you’re still alone in bed. No Seungmin. The tears are flowing once more and you’re sure you’ve turned into a never ending water fountain at this point.

Your sobs are pathetic, racking your entire exhausted body. They aren’t loud, but they are mournful. You hadn’t fallen into a hole like this in a while. Seungmin kept you grounded in reality, but he’d been gone so much lately you had nothing to grab onto.

You feel the bed dip, the blanket lifting from your back as a body slides in behind you, arms sliding around your waist. Seungmin. He pulls you back firmly against his chest, his knees slotted in behind yours, his face burying in your neck.

“Shhh baby, I’m here,” he whispers. The pain and worry in his voice are evident. “How long have you been like this?” he asks, brushing your hair to the side and kissing you softly behind the ear. When you don’t respond, only sob harder, he squeezes you tight. “Did something happen?” he questions.

“No,” you choke out. “I’m just worthless is all,” you manage between sobs. “So annoying you don’t even want to come home,” you cry, curling more into yourself.

“What? Why would you ever think that?” Seungmin asks, genuine hurt in his voice.

You roll over then, and his hand moves to your chin, lifting your eyes to his.

“Baby, you know I’m direct. If I ever felt those things, the words would come out of my mouth. And they haven’t. Ever. Not once. Because they’re not true,” he pleads, his eyes darting back and forth between yours. “I know I’ve been working so late because of all the preparations for STAY, and I've managed to miss the signs that the most important person in my life is spiraling,” he says, clearly beating himself up. “I’m so sorry,” he chokes out, his lips pressing gently against yours as if he’s afraid he might break you with his touch.

The kiss sends a warmth through you that you haven’t felt all week, your arms moving to embrace him, snaking around his waist and onto his back to press him as close to you as possible. You want to melt into him because that feels like a safer place than your own toxic brain and body at the moment. He pulls away after several minutes of being glued to you, realizing how dry your lips are. He takes in your appearance, seeing the sheen of clammy sweat on your skin and pale color.

“Y/n, have you eaten or drank anything today?” he asks, his worry renewing as he looks into your eyes.

All you can manage is a broken sob and a small shake of your head as you hide from him and burrow into his chest.

“Shit, baby,” he curses, kissing your temple. He unwraps himself from you. When you whimper at the loss of his warmth he reassures you. “I’ll be right back, I promise,” he says, placing a chaste kiss on your lips and turning to leave the room.

He’s back quicker than you can fully register his absence, a water bottle filled with filtered water in hand. He puts out his hand, asking for yours, and you reluctantly take it and allow him to pull you into a sitting position. He sits beside you, handing you the bottle, his hand resting on your thigh, rubbing up and down soothingly.

“Drink,” he commands, leaving no room for discussion. You tentatively suck on the straw, the cool liquid hitting your throat and you groan a little at the relief it provides. Suddenly you realize the desert your body has become, and you're guzzling the water down. “Don’t make yourself sick,” he warns, noticing your reaction.

You slow down and pull away from the water bottle reluctantly, a small sigh emitting from you as you pull oxygen into your tired lungs.

“God I’m hungry,” you realize, your stomach now growling after the water intake. Your head is pounding from the abuse you’d put it through over the last 24 hours. You hated these spirals and what they did to you. You hated more that it made you feel like you had no control over anything.

“I’d imagine so. When’s the last time you ate jagiya?” Seungmin asks, no accusation in his voice, just concern.

“I honestly don’t remember,” you admit. “With you maybe,” you rack your brain. Yes, you had eaten breakfast with Seungmin yesterday morning. It had been at least 40 hours since you ate, you suddenly realized which immediately made the headache make sense.

“Goddamit,” Seungmin cursed, grabbing his phone from the night stand. “I can’t believe I let this happen. Fucking…” he trailed off as he typed furiously in his phone. You could see him beating himself up for the decisions you had made over the last two days.

“Seung, you didn’t let anything happen. I’m a grown woman. I should be able to take care of myself,” you said, your fingers on his chin pulling his gaze up to yours and momentarily away from his phone.

“I know that, but I needed to be here for you, and I wasn’t,” he growls, finishing whatever he was doing on his phone. “But that ends now. I just told Chan I needed a few days off. I need to be with you right now,” he says, his voice softening again.

“You don’t have to…” you stammered.

“I want to,” he says firmly, his hand reaching for yours and squeezing it. “Foods on its way too,” he adds, standing up, and pulling you along with him. “Let’s get you a shower before it gets here,” he encourages and you groan because you’re exhausted from the day’s emotions and also disgusting. “I’ll help,” he assures you, guiding you to the bathroom.

Seungmin is a perfect gentleman as he steps into the shower with you, taking care to wash your hair and body, no other agenda in mind tonight than to make sure you’re okay.

When he is finished and you’re rinsed and clean once more, he steps out of the shower, draping a towel around his hips, and grabbing yours. You take it from him and wrap it around you, tucking it under your arms. He leans in then and kisses you softly, his lips moving reverently against yours. His phone dings on the counter, signaling the arrival of your food.

“Ah, dinner. Finally,” he smiles down at his phone. “Get comfy and I’ll grab the food off the stoop,” he says as you walk out of the bathroom together. You throw on one of Seungmin’s t-shirts and a pair of his boxers and shuffle down the hall into the living room. Seungmin is setting out a shit ton of food when you pad in, looking up at you with a beaming smile on his face, and you momentarily wonder who delivers this late in the night.

“Babe, I’ll never eat all that,” you can’t help but laugh.

“I haven’t eaten since, hell, I can’t remember. I’m starving,” he chuckles.

You realize then just how busy he’s been if he hasn’t stuck to his pretty rigid schedule he keeps for himself and reality hits you as you allow yourself to understand it fully. The thoughts that consumed you earlier in the day and night are slowly losing their grip on you. You let out a sigh of relief.

“Go put on some clothes, Seung,” you say, bumping your hip against his and shooing him down the hall. “I’ll get us plates and chopsticks and something to drink,” you assure him, and he scurries down the hall, towel hanging from his hips and droplets of water still clinging to his broad back as his feet shuffle along the hardwood quickly. He’s gone no time at all, before he returns in a pair of black basketball shorts and a white t-shirt. Your tip toeing to get the plates and bowls down, and you feel him press against your back and reach up for them. He kisses your neck and moves to head back toward the living room.

“Let’s eat,” he says, smacking your ass gently and you playfully slap his hand away, your mood already much improved from Seungmin’s presence, the water, and the shower. It’s amazing how the simple act of taking care of your basic needs can shift your mentality. You grab a couple drinks from the fridge, chopsticks and a couple spoons from the drawer.

You both retreat into the living room, sitting on the floor by the table by the couch. Seungmin plates your food for you, knowing all the things you like and hands it to you before loading up his own. He smiles happily at you as he digs in.

“Now, I’m all yours for the next three days baby,” he smiles before taking a bite. “Let’s sort that pretty little head of yours out, and I promise I won’t miss something like this again,” he vows, chastising himself.

“Seung,” you start, but he shakes his head.

“Let me do this, okay y/n?” he practically pleads. He needs to take care of you. It’s like it’s coded into his dna or something.

“Of course, jagiya,” you smile, leaning across the table and kissing him quickly.

You're so thankful you have Kim Seungmin in your life. He’s grounded you back to reality many times before and you’ve done the same for him in his times of doubt. You weren’t sure how you got so damn lucky, but you’d thank whatever god you needed to over and over again to keep your Seungmin.

Tags: @krishastumblernow @ohish

[vodika-vibes]

Happy Follower Celebration!

May I request: Hound, angst/fluff?, white clover & anemone - perhaps Hound has done something wrong (or, quite wrong) to f!reader, and is trying to make up for it. I imagine perhaps somehow a romantic fubar, but could be anything. I'm mainly going for hurt/comfort here!

Thank you so much, and grats again! 🌑

I Promise

Summary: After Hound forgets your Name Day, just like everyone else in your life, you're feeling down. Luckily, your boyfriend can be a sweetheart when he wants.

Pairing: ARF Trooper Hound x F!Reader

Word Count: 1447

Warnings: Angsty but there's a happy ending

Tagging: @trixie2023 @n0vqni

A/N: I hope this is close to what you wanted. But so you know, I got sad and teary while I was writing it. So...uh...sorry? Also, I tried to switch to Hound's POV for the second half, but I'm not sure how I did.

You’re mad.

Well. No. Not mad. Mad you could deal with. Disappointed, maybe, is the better word.

You’ve been dating Hound for about three months at this point, and up until now, it’s been perfect. He’s kind and loving, and whenever he plans dates he always makes sure that the both of you have so much fun. And sure, none of his dates are exactly high end dates like your friends go on, but you’ve never minded because the dates have always been geared towards having fun.

And you think it might be love, because you’re at the point where you can’t picture your life without him in it.

But this hurts.

You don’t have any family. And your friends are always so busy.

And you thought that Hound would be here to celebrate with you. But he’s not and you kind of feel like crying.

You shouldn’t have to spend your Name day alone.

And yet, that’s exactly what you’re doing.

Hound hasn’t even sent a message wishing you a happy name day.

And you should probably be mad about it, because you know he saw the date on the calendar and he even asked about it, but you don’t have the energy for mad. Just sad. And disappointed.

And starting to think that maybe, just maybe, you’re more invested in the relationship than he is.

Slowly you rest your chin on your folded arms, and you stare at the cupcake you bought yourself. It’s beautiful. Tastefully decorated with frosting that looks like flowers and with a candle neatly arranged on the top, and just looking at it makes the lump in your throat harder to ignore and burning in your eyes all that more obvious.

Your gaze flickers to your comm, as you check it one more time, and your shoulders slump. Not a single message. From anyone. Not from Hound, not from your friends-

“It’s a stupid thing to celebrate, really.” You say to your empty apartment, as you sit up and push your chair back and get to your feet to shove the cupcake somewhere else.

Maybe it’ll hurt less tomorrow.

Spoiler, it never does.

You carefully put the cupcake in the fridge, after pulling the candle out and tossing it in the trash, and then you grab the bag of take out menus. You feel awful enough that you’re not going to make it worse by forcing yourself to cook.

You dig through the menus, until you find the one you’re looking for. Greasy, salty, horribly unhealthy comfort food. You’re going to regret it in the morning, but you can’t bring yourself to care now.

After all, you did just find out that you’re apparently not important enough to anyone you care about for them to even send you a name day message. 

You sniffle and wipe your eyes with the sleeve of your shirt, and then you place your order, enough food that you’re not going to be able to finish it, before shoving the menus back into the bag, and pinning the bag back onto the fridge. 

For a moment, you trail your fingers over your comm, your gaze lingering on Hound’s contact information. Maybe you should call him…just to make sure he’s okay. You hesitate for a moment, and then you sigh and drop your comm back on the table.

No. He probably won’t answer the call anyway.

You wipe your leaking eyes one more time, and then vanish into your bedroom to change into something more comforting. No point in wearing nice clothes now, after all.

“Kriff, kriff, kriff-” Hound curses under his breath as he dodges through the crowded streets to get home. “I’m so late! Damn it, Fox, why’d I have to stay?” He bitches at the memory of his older brother.

He slows to a walk as he reaches the apartment complex, and he digs through his pockets for his fob to unlock the main door. Only to pause when a delivery speeder pulls up, “Hold the door!” The young man shouts.

“Ah, sure-” Hound holds the door open for the young man. His gaze drops to the clearly labeled bag of food and he arches a brow, “D’you need the lift?”

“I do, yes. I’m heading to apartment 306.” The young man says, and Hound jolts. 

“How about I take that for you. 306 is my apartment.” He explains to the young man. Hound takes the bag of food, and offers a tip, before he summons the lift himself. 

He eyes the bag of food curiously.

His cyare only orders Manacetti’s when she’s had a bad day. But she normally also complains to him about bad days. Hound quickly digs his comm out of his pocket and scans through his messages, just in case.

No. Nothing.

No warnings about you having a bad day. No messages at all.

He stops in front of theapartment and keys in the door code while balancing the bag of food and his comm, and he heaves a sigh of relief when the door opens.

It’s been a long day.

“Cyare! I caught the delivery kid in the lobby, and have dinner!” He calls into the house. The quiet house. The radio isn’t even on. Hound’s lips turn down as he sets the food on the hallway table and quickly pulls his armor off, “Cyare?”

“You didn’t have to do that,” His perfect cyare says as she steps into the hallway, a ghost of a smile on her pretty lips.

Though Hound isn’t paying attention to that. He’s looking at her red rimmed eyes, and the tear stained cheeks. “Cyare? What-” He stops as a memory from several days earlier slams into him. “I forgot that today’s your Name Day.” He says.

Her lips waver for a moment and she blink rapidly, “It’s okay-”

“No. No it really isn’t. I’m…so sorry.”

“You were probably busy-”

“That’s not an excuse,” Hound interrupts, “Kriff, cyare, I made you cry-”

She hastily wipe her eyes, “You…it’s okay, no one remembered-”

Hound’s heart sinks, “…not a single person remembered?”

Her shoulders hunch as she shrinks in on herself, “...it’s a stupid thing to celebrate, really.” She says softly, though her voice is shaking, and Hound knows that the only reason she’s not crying is because of sheer stubbornness.

Carefully, he guides her into the house properly, and sets the bag of food on the kitchen table, before he slowly pulls her into his arms. “I’m so, so sorry, cyare.” Hound whispers in her ear.

“It’s okay.” She replies automatically.

“No. No it isn’t. We, my brothers and I, don't have Name Days. But I know today was important to you, so it should have been important to me.” Hound lightly strokes her hair, “I’m so, so sorry.”

She sniffles, and he rests his cheek against the top of her head as he feels tears soak through his blacks, “I thought that maybe you didn’t…” She hesitates, “That maybe this relationship meant less to you than…-” she seems unable to finish the sentence, and Hound tightens his arms around her.

He presses a light kiss against the top of her head, and then slowly pulls back, his hands coming up to cup her face. Slowly, he wipes the tears off of her cheeks, “Can I let you in on a little secret?” He asks.

She sniffles, but nods.

Hound leans in and bumps his forehead against hers, “I love you.” He whispers, and her eyes widen as she looks up at him in astonishment. “In fact, my love for you is undying. Forever and eternal.”

She drops her gaze, shyly, but there’s a small, genuine, smile on her lips, “You love me?”

“Undying love.” Hound corrects with a small grin, though it fades, “I’m sorry I forgot your name day. I’ll do better.”

Her gaze lifts to meet his gaze, “Promise?”

“I promise,” Hound drops a hand from her cheek, and he holds out a pinky, “Pinky promise, even.”

A muffled giggle falls from her lips, and she hooks her finger with his, “Alright.” She sniffles one more time, but favors him with a slightly watery smile, “I bought enough food for the both of us. And I have a cupcake we can share-”

“Oh no you dont,” Hound leans in and kisses her nose, “After dinner, you can eat your cupcake, and I’m going to dig through all of our stuff and make you a proper cake.”

“...you know how to bake?”

“How hard can it be?” Hound asks with a grin, before he ducks his head and kisses her, “Happy Name Day, Mesh’la.”

And she finally flashes a proper smile, “Thank you.”

[once-upon-an-imagine]

Hello🤍 just saw your celebration post sooo….. CONGRATULATIONS 🥳🤍 since you asked for a hurt/comfort Scenario with our favorite character here’s my idea (sorry it’s probably gonna be really long) : I’m a sucker for both Steve and Eddie so my choice is gonna be steddie🥰 ok so I was thinking maybe the reader and steddie just moved in together, but since they all work at different times, they don’t see each other very often (maybe reader is a nurse and does nightshifts or something). So she misses a lot of dates or even an anniversary and she is scared they’re gonna pull away from her or even break up with her (she probably feels like it’s already happening and thinks it’s all her fault, something like that). I would love it REALLY angsty but with a happy ending please <3 Since I’m not creative enough to also think about an ending, I’m gonna leave this to you❣️❣️

aaahhh! thank you sooo much, love! also, I love this!!! Warnings: none really, reader feeling a bit insecure about her relationship Disclaimer: I don't own Stranger Things 😊 gifs aren't mine 😁

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Date Night

You dragged your tired feet all the way up the three stores that led to the door of your new apartment where you had moved in with Steve and Eddie a few months ago. You looked at the time on your watch and saw that it was already 1 am and you cursed yourself silently. When you opened the door and walked inside your heart started breaking as you saw the still set up table with the half-eaten food and half-melted candles. And then it broke entirely when you saw Steve asleep on the sofa with Eddie curled up to him, resting his head against Steve's chest as one of your favorite movies still playing on the tv. You missed another date. A date they had already moved once because you couldn't make it last time.

You blew out the candles and started cleaning up. It was the least you could do. After you put away the food and cleaned up the dishes, you walked over to wake Steve and Eddie up but couldn't bring yourself to do it. They looked so peacefully beautiful. You sat down on the coffee table and smiled at your boys. You loved them so much. And you missed them so much. You had started a new rotation at the hospital you were working as a nurse and you felt like you saw less and less of them each day. They were always beyond understanding about you missing dates or being late, and they did whatever it took to make time with you. But deep down you were terrified that they would get tired of it. They would start to get annoyed about you missing special dates. They would start spending so much time without you, they will just get used to it and maybe even prefer it that way.

You decided to stop overthinking because you were exhausted and you needed to wake them up or their necks would hurt horribly when they did. You moved closer and softly ran your hand through Steve's hair. You saw him slowly move his face and his eyes fluttering open. He smiled sleepily at you looking adorable.

"Hey, sunshine, you're home" he said, moving carefully to not wake Eddie up. He scootched closer to give you a small peck on the lips.

"Hi" you smiled back at him.

"Are you hungry? There's still food-" he said starting to get up but you stopped him.

"No, I'm okay, love" you insisted. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to wake you up but I didn't want your neck to hurt-"

"Princess?" you heard Eddie's hoarse voice as he brushed his hand against his eye and he sat up. "You're home!" he said, happily giving you a small kiss. "Are you hungry-?"

"N-no, I'm okay" you smiled. "I already cleaned up-"

"Sweetheart, you didn't need to do that. We were waiting for you so we could have dinner with you" Steve told you.

"N-no it's okay. It's late and I know you guys probably have to get up early tomorrow so... don't worry about it" you smiled sadly at him.

"Are you sure? Did you have dinner tonight?" Eddie asked you.

"Yeah" you nodded. It wasn't entirely a lie. You had eaten a PB&J sandwich about what felt like ages ago. But you did not want them to stay up late just for you because it was your fault you missed the date. "You two should go to sleep, I'm just going to shower really quick, okay?" you said, kissing each one of them before getting up.

As soon as you walked into your bathroom, tears started falling down your cheeks. You didn't know exactly what it was. You felt overwhelmed. You loved your job, and you were happy but you suddenly felt you didn't see Eddie or Steve anymore. They both worked all day and now you were working all night. And it was very rare that two of you had the same day off. You didn't want to bring this upon Eddie and Steve, especially this late at night, so you decided to pull yourself together before you went out.

You put on your favorite pajamas and walked out of the bathroom expecting to find your boyfriends already asleep but instead you found them sitting awake waiting for you. Steve had a cup of tea in his hands and Eddie a plate of the pasta you had put away earlier.

"Why are you two still up? It's late and you two should-"

"We know there's something bothering you" Eddie said.

"And we're not going to sleep until you talk to us, sweetheart" Steve said, patting the spot between him and Eddie as he put the mug down on his nightstand.

"We also know you didn't have dinner" Eddie said as you sat down and Steve grabbed your favorite plush blanket to put it over you.

"How do you always know that?" you asked, glaring at him as he gave you the bowl of pasta and kissed your forehead.

"You have a tell" he smiled. "So, what's going on, princess?"

"Nothing" you mumbled as you started picking your pasta. "I'm really sorry I missed our date tonight" you said, not looking at either one of them.

"Is that what this is about?"

"It's okay, love, we know you were working" Eddie smiled at you.

"We can have it another night" Steve suggested.

"No!" you said upset and putting your plate down.

"No?"

"No, I didn't mean that. I just..." you sighed, feeling your eyes water a little. "You keep moving dates for me and I keep being late or sometimes I can't even be there at all, like tonight and I miss you two so much and even when I'm here I'm always exhausted and I don't want-" you sighed. "What if one day you stop being okay with it?" you asked as tears fell down your cheeks.

"What?" Eddie asked, confused as he brushed his tears away with his thumb.

"Sweetheart, that is not going to happen-" Steve assured you, moving closer to you and hugging you.

"You don't know that" you said, looking up at them.

"Yes, we do" Eddie insisted. "Princess, you didn't miss date night because you were off doing some random shit or because you just blew us off. You were working" he told you. "And we know your job is really important!"

"Yes! And we are so proud of you!" Steve added. "We know how hard you work and we just want to be here for you and take care of you however we can" he insisted.

"Like making sure you have dinner" Eddie added. "Love, you don't have to worry about us."

"I'm just really sorry I keep missing our dates! I love you two so much and I'm just scared that you're going to start to pull away from me or just get mad or bored for waiting all the time and-"

"Love, slow down" Steve said, pulling you closer. "We're not gonna pull away from you" he said, kissing your head.

"Yeah, if anything this just makes us want to be even closer to you when you are here so we can spoil you" Eddie said, kissing your cheek and making you laugh just a little.

"Just promise us you will talk to us when you're feeling like this, okay? We don't want you to deal with this alone" Steve insisted and you slowly nodded. "We'll figure something out" he smiled.

"We promise" Eddie smiled too, making you smile as well. "Are you off tomorrow? You'll get to sleep in" he said as he grabbed the bowl of pasta again and gave it to you.

"I am" you nodded before you took some of the food. "Oh my God! This is amazing" you smiled at Eddie, knowing he had cooked.

"Hey, I'm off tomorrow too!" Steve said happily.

"Me too!" Eddie said excitedly.

"What? Seriously? We're all off tomorrow? I don't think that's ever happened before!" you said, smiling brightly at them. "So we... all get to sleep in?"

"Looks like it's your lucky day, princess" Eddie said, throwing his arm around you as he took the empty bowl from your hands and Steve handed you the cup of tea.

"See? It's already fixing itself up" Steve said, kissing your temple. "You have us all to yourself tomorrow. What would you like to do?"

"I want to make breakfast for you" you smiled.

"You don't have to make breakfast for us- ouch!" Eddie stopped when Steve smacked him on the back of the head.

You were probably the worst cook out of the three of them but Steve knew you were doing this because you still felt bad for not being there tonight.

"We would love for you to make breakfast, sweetheart" he said, kissing your cheek.

"I'll help you" Eddie said, kissing your other cheek and ignoring Steve glaring at him.

"Thank you" you said, giving each of them a kiss on the lips before Steve took your mug and put it on his nightstand. "I'm gonna go brush my teeth" you said, getting out of ed and to the bathroom quickly.

When you came back, you found them both already sound asleep with your spot saved in the middle. You crawled back into bed in between them and kissed each one of their foreheads before you felt Eddie's arms wrap around your waist and you rested your head on Steve's chest.

"I love you so much" you whispered, closing your eyes.

"Me too" Eddie said, kissing your shoulder.

"Me three" Steve whispered, kissing your forehead.

The End

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

A/N: hope you liked it xD

[mermaidsirennikita]

Hi! I've been following your blog for a couple years since loving DiW and really enjoy your recs so I was wondering do you know any historical romances where the male lead has personality similar to Erik/the phantom from poto or is disfigured / wears a mask etc? Thank you!

Thank you so much, first off!

BOY. DO. I.

So the first one I'm going to recommend is not a strict historical romance... Like it is, and it isn't, but I'm going to strongly recommend you check it out because the entire series is amazing and if you're a POTO fan I think you may be able to get behind some BATTINESS.

It's Firelight by Kristen Callihan, the first in her fabulous Darkest London series. Which is absolutely set in the Victorian London we know and love... just with like. Supernatural creatures running around. The average people don't know about it, it really isn't Steampunk despite what people will tell you. It is a historical romance series. But with magic. It reads VERY similar to the 1999 Mummy, tonally speaking.

So, why I'm recommending it: Our heroine, Miranda, secretly has these fire powers. She's accidentally burned shit down in the past, her dad SUUUCKS and has had her pick pockets for him before, etc. But basically, hard times are hitting, and I think her dad owes the hero something... and the hero is like cool you can square up by giving me YOUR DAUGHTERRRR. But the hero, Archer, wears like, a full mask. Like a porcelain mask. And won't let her see his face at all. And is OBSESSED with her.

Features one of my favorite moments in a long time, where he gets stabbed in one of his mysterious evening excursions (TM) and refuses to let her help him medically, so she basically just follows him as he manfully bleeds out in their palatial estate until he's about to lose consciousness and is like "FINE MIRANDA YOU CAN HELP".

Ummm my favorite Grace Callaway book, Pippa and The Prince of Secrets, is a fun option. Pippa is a widow, and Cull is the guy who gave her her first kiss before they were separated. He now runs a band of CHILD THIEVES!!! and wears a mask because half of his face has been horribly scarred. The scene where he first lets her view his face without the mask is SO. EMOTIONAL. I got choked up.

Also they use a sex swing at one point. Cull FUCKS. But he also skulks and yearns.

She Tempts the Duke by Lorraine Heath has a hero who's scarred on one side of his face is very angsty about it (he doesn't wear a mask, but he does wear an eyepatch). The heroine knew him as a kid, they were falling in love (in a childish way) and he had to run away with his brothers because their uncle was trying to kill them. He comes back years later, scarred and self-loathing and very much a brooder, and she's about to get engaged to another man. Cue the angst!

The Taming of a Highlander by Elisa Braden. In this one, the hero was wrongfully detained for something he didn't do, and was very brutally treated and scarred on one half of his face as a result. (Another "no to mask, yes to eyepatch" book.) The heroine is this very sweet girl and ends up having to marry him in order to avoid testifying against him. It's very much a "he hates himself, she helps him heal" book and it's soooo good. Especially if you like a "it'll never fit" moment. Which.

To Beguile a Beast by Elizabeth Hoyt has a hero who's scarred, and again, eyepatch--and he's been hiding up in his big Scottish lair/castle, when the heroine comes to act as his housekeeper with her two kids in tow. What he doesn't know is that she's on the run from her kids' father, as she was his mistress and he was horrible. The hero does a lot of "I'M A MONSTER" stuff but he also bends her over his desk and fucks her soooo.

To a lesser extent, Hoyt's The Raven Prince may also give you this vibe. The hero is scarred, but this time from smallpox--he's still very dramatic about it. (In many ways, this book is Jane Eyre but with fucking and without a kid.) The heroine is his secretary, and they get into this tension-filled situation.

[iamthecomet]

OH OH OH! CHALLENGE!!! Do to an AI conversation I had 🤣🤣🤣 Rain and Dew are dating and Dew keeps trying to initiate sex but Rain always shys away. Dew overhears Rain talking to one of the other ghouls about he's asexual scared to tell Dew and Dew feels horrible!!! Cue cute cuddly reassurance

I've been trying to figure out how I was going to tackle this one in my head for a minute. And I was planning on putting this one (and your other one) off until I was in more of a fluff/angsty mood.

But this just sort of just came to me earlier. So here it is, earlier than I expected.

Dew doesn't know what he's doing wrong. He's tried everything. He's been forward, he's been subtle, he's been gentle, he's even been vulnerable (gross), and still--nothing. Whenever he suggests something, drags the point of his nose down Rain's jaw, or slips his hand higher up on his thigh, Rain blushes. A deep blue hue rising to his cheeks, his tail flicking anxiously. He starts to curl in on himself. And Dew? Dew backs off. He knows it's not nervousness or arousal. Rain's uncomfortable. He can smell it. And he can't figure it out. Rain will be fine one second, laughing as Dew peppers chaste kisses over his jaw, his cheeks, his mouth. But the second Dew's demeanor turns, so does Rain's, and they go in opposite directions. Dew doesn't know why the water ghoul even agreed to date him if he doesn't really like him. And Rain won't talk to him about it. When Dew asks, Rain changes the subject, the blush on his cheek darkening. With anyone else Dew would push until he got an answer, even if it hurt both of them. But he can't do it with Rain. He can't stand to see him like that and know he's causing it. So he lets Rain change the subject. He moves his hand back down to Rain's knee. He tries to smother his own arousal, and calm the fuck down. He lets it go. He's outside the common room door one day when he hears Rain and Mountain's voices and the mention of his name. He stops. He should turn around. He shouldn't listen to their conversation. But instead, he steps closer, curious. "You need to tell him," Mountain says gently. Rain makes a frustrated noise. Dew can picture the flick of his tail, the furrow to his brows.

"I want to," Rain insists, "but he's--I'm afraid he won't understand. You know how Dew is."

Mountain sighs. Dew hears the couch springs squeak as Mountain no doubt shifts closer. "Dew can sleep with other people. It doesn't have to be you."

"But he wants it to be me. I should just be able to give it to him. I love him--I wish--why am I like this? What's wrong with me?"

Dew feels his stomach flip, then it drops out of his body. He leans against the wall. He feels--fuck.

"There's nothing wrong with you, Raincloud." Mountain voice carries through the wall. "Just tell him. " Dew pushes away from the wall. He walks away from the common room as fast as he can without making noise. He can't breathe. He's outside before he realizes where he's going. He feels sick.

He--he tried to make Rain--and Rain doesn't--shit. He ends up on the dock, watching the water, the way the sun glints off of it. He smokes half a pack of cigarettes before he forces himself to stop. The only thing he wants to do is talk to Rain. But then Rain would know that he was listening--that he'd been spying on him. And that won't fix anything. He has to wait Rain out. He doesn't know if he can. He's still out there at sunset, body stiff from being held in the same position. He hears footsteps behind him on the dock. Rain drops down next to him. He leans his body into Dew's with no preamble, leaning his head against Dew's shoulder. "I heard," Dew says in a rush. He can't keep it in. He can't wait for Rain, it's pointless. "I know," Rain answers. Dew jolts under him. He pulls away enough to look at Rain, brow furrowing down.

"How?" "You're not as sneaky as you think you are." Dew looks down at his hands, clasped together in his lap. He picks at the hole in the knee of his jeans.

"So you're?"

"Ace," Rain supplies easily.

"I'm sorry--I pushed and I shouldn't have--"

Rain leans back against Dew. He grabs Dew's hand with his own. "You didn't know. I should have told you."

Dew shakes his head. "You don't owe me--"

"We're dating right? So, yeah, I do. And we should have talked about it. I understand if you can't--if you don't want me now, I know it's a big deal for you."

Dew hangs his head. He looks at their laced fingers, pulled over to rest on Rain's thigh.

"I mean, Mountain's right. You're not my only partner. I don't--it's ok. It's fine. I..." Dew trails off. He watches as Rain drags his thumb along the length of Dew's.

"You what?"

"I love you. Doesn't matter if I fuck you or not. It isn't about that." Rain tips his head up to kiss Dew's cheek. Dew turns his head at the last second and catches Rain's lips on his. The kiss is slow, easy. Rain tips his forehead against Dew's when they break apart.

"Yeah?" Rain breathes. Dew wants to climb inside the petrichor smell of him, live there. He can't control wanting Rain. For his body, it's as easy as breathing. But he can control what he does about it. He nods, his nose bumping Rain's as he does.

"Yeah."

[dual-fantasy]

So much. Yes. the babyfication of mike(& the rest of the system to an extent) cause hes nervous sometimes and mentally ill makes me so mad. hes a bit of a dick and its okay. let him be a dick. he deserves it. let him be awful and gritty. scike ultimately would fail because of how much they just dont love each other. they end it on awful terms. anytime they're near each other they end up getting in a fistfight. mike kicks his ass every time. he'd have to be physically dragged off scott if anyone cared enough to stop him. jo cheers him on. people only get in the way of it when they realize scott might actually Die and even then its just a suggestion. Also, bit of an unpopular opinion in the fandom but I don't like zoke. I think they'd be friends after the show but they wouldn't date. mike grew a backbone after the show as well. he got cooler i reckon. its the mental illness though he stopped going to therapy after roti(also. i want to talk about how people completely forget that he actively sees a psychiatrist?? he is fucked in the head stop ignoring it) and somewhere through dating scott he just Stops Giving A Shit. he contracted scotts shark rabies or whatever and it made him evil. but its okay cause its mike. let him be evil. he deserves it. let him be mean to people. scike are absolutely awful for each other. their ''relationship'' is messy at most. nobody knows how they started dating it just happened one day. they yell at each other in the furniture displays at big stores and make everyone uncomfortable. they cant hang out together around anyone else cause 30 minutes in they get mad at each other and ruin the mood. actually the fandom interpretation of mike pisses me off so much. he is not a dainty little twink he has abs. that isnt just vitos italian superstrength(funniest fucking thing to me) or whatever hes strong as hell. let him beat someone up. let him be mean. he pushed scott into shark infested waters. he was a stupid boy in love with a pretty girl but hes also a dick. it means so much to me. hes an awful person sometimes and he absolutely deserves to be. half of the total drama fandom can not comprehend a mentally ill guy having complexities that make him a kind of bad person. hes a dog motif in a guard dog way. his bites worse then his bark. i do not frown on him being horrible i think he should be like that more. make mike mean twenty twenty four. td fandoms displayed him in such a horrific way i have to level the scales by making him the horrible person he deserves to be. not even in an angsty way he isn't sad and miserable. he should just be allowed to fuck scott up a lot. let him break some noses. I saw a post about brick and mike(no idea what the ship name is. bike ????) and i think they should be allowed to kiss just a little bit. brick frowns on him getting in fights but he isn't gonna stop it. scott deserves to get beaten up a little. mikes stupid and in love with brick though. tying into the guard dog motif. he comes home soaked in blood(probably scotts. none of its his own) and makes brick dinner cause hes actually the best boyfriend ever. just not to scott. theres no scike happy ending they dont become friends or learn to tolerate each other theyre forever bitter and hateful Grave Dog. i wrote this all in one sitting in 2 minutes i hope its somewhat comprehensible

YOU'RE SO REAL the fanon interpretation of mike actually drives me mad. like fucking insane. I hate it. I think the issue is that people don't want actual mental health representation they want the perks that come with being able to say he's mentally ill without actually having to see what mental illness is. they would rather die than realise nuances in his character. and your right the system has also had this happen but to a lesser extent. I like the fanon system more but only in the way that it's actually researched. in every other way it sucks. Ive seen it happen a lot with svetlana too. Its the obsession with easy troupes and simple characters that are easier to portray. they want characters to be more palletable so they erase their real character for the simplicity. it's bad

I think scike is literally never going to work out. it's always bad and it never improves and they're so terrible. they would never say they'll love eachother but they'll spend every waking moment imagining ways to destroy eachother. it's so bad and so good. mike is actually fucking killing Scott at one point. like his face is three hits from caving in. the only person to bother with helping him is brick because of "moral codes" or something. Cameron also wanted to help but he would get killed like. immediately. not even intentionally he would just get hit and crumple and die. everyone else is cheering them on tho. Anne Maria and B made a betting pool. lightning and dawn are announcing everything that happens like sports commentators.

I do not like zoke either because I don't like the way that Zoey was handled in canon. I think they should've made her weirder. she cannot be the "weird small town loser" if her only weird personality trait is a flower in her hair. she shouldve collected bones and made them into jewellery. they're friends but I can't see them dating. he stops caring after the show (and the reset button doesn't work!! it does not fucking work!! the system is still there!!) and decides to just be terrible. making up for the fanon bullshit my making him worse you're right.

and the Italian superstrength is easily one of the funniest explanations I've ever seen. in anything. Vito doesn't have fucking superpowers y'all mike is strong. he canonically does kickboxing!!! and is very passionate it!!! the show makes a point out of it!!! and also he can do everything that Svetlana can. even if he doesn't have the form or the practice in order to actually do it he could still theoretically do it. because Svetlana can only do what their body allows. mike is fucking jacked and incredibly strong he's just skinny. his ass is NOT a twink you all just hate nuances! he needs to beat up people. he needs to be worse. he needs to be terrible and horrible and cruel

and the guard dog motif is soooo good. weapon that's only used in necessity. bites not for enjoyment but for protection. able to fight but has the morality to restrain himself. he should be allowed to go crazy though. pleaseeee pretty please can he go crazy and silly and insane and violent. you're so real about brick and Mike I think they would be cute.

also DW I write all my posts in 2 minutes too that's why they're all incomprehensible

[musing-and-music]

Royai week 2023 fic recs

In honor of Royai week in the Fruits & Roots server, I chose to highlight some of my favorite Royai fics I gathered these past years (not many years, since I've been on AO3 for 2 years and a half only). Each day, I'll recommend a few fics in a particular setting

Day 6: Choice of Song: Liar, Amend, All Things End, If We Were Vampires - Pre-Canon fics

Pre-canon is Roy and Riza's childhoods, Roy's years of apprenticeship with Riza's father, their time in the academy, Ishval, and the years before the main events of the manga, while the team is still in East City. There's so much to explore with them!

This love by klainelynch / @klainelynch

After a fic, a collab, a podfic, there was only poetry missing!

Just Follow My Lead by jacksparrow589 / @js589

Roy stopped. "You don't know how to dance?" "Not much and not well," Riza clarified. "I remember Father having me dance on his feet once or twice when I was small, and of course there's been dances at festivals, but…" She trailed off. Roy gave her a look that wasn't quite pity. It was almost scrutinizing. "I'll teach you." "I didn't ask you to." It was an utterly feeble excuse, and Riza said it quietly. "Well, do you want to, or shall I?" Roy asked, once again flashing an easy smile that always made Riza's heart speed just a little. All she could do was smile in return. Roy teaches Riza how to dance. It goes… both better and more angsty than expected.

Did you ever say "no" to Royai dancing?

Patience by Perciatelli

A tender gesture over paperwork on a summer evening leads to a revelation.

I'm melting at the softness of this short OS 😍

Five sunflowers, twice a year by GelatoSushi / @gelatosushix

"A note!" Havoc exclaimed. "Ah-ha!" "Havoc, I don't think Lieutenant Hawkeye would enjoy-" Fuery sat up too, his voice cracking slightly. "Now, we'll surely know who these damned flowers are from!" He worked the folded piece of paper, exposing the scratchy handwriting, and, bringing the note up closer to his face, he unsuccessfully tried to decipher the horrible scrawl.  "So?" Breda asked eagerly. "Hold on… God, this dude's handwriting is shit!" "Let me see." Falman stretched his hand out for the note, Havoc happily passing it on.  "Have at it. The writing's almost as bad as the Colonel's." Twice a year, every spring and every autumn, Lieutenant Hawkeye got five sunflowers, bundled together with a red, expensive ribbon, from a mystery man none of them had any clue about. But when the same thing happened the sixth time in a row, Havoc decided it was time for a proper investigation, worthy of the whole team.

Team Mustang is just the best here, and if you're feeling down this might be the best thing to cheer you up!

into each life some rain must fall by firewoodfigs / @firewoodfigs

Six times he stands before a grave in the rain, grieving. But this time, courage is reborn.

Poetic and beautiful, full of angst but with a light of hope

[cherienymphe]

What were your fav and least fav moments in season 3 <3

Ok so (spoilers below the cut)

Faves:

Rafe. Literally Rafe. He was just so funny and such a little shit and one of my favorite things about the season

Riara!!! I loved their interactions so much and when he was like "I always liked you Kie" I went what is actually happening right now cause 😭

Jiara! They hurt so good tbh. The difficult and angsty scenes between them were needed imo. I knew it wasn't going to be smooth sailing and it was difficult watching the way her parents treated him and basically threw his own fears about him and kie in his face and my God the self sabotage was driving me insane and they kept highlighting the differences in their classes but they were cute

Cleo. Literally just Cleo but especially her and Pope. I was surprised by how much I loved them because it seemed like OBX was like yeah let's put the two leftover black characters together but unfortunately they were right and they were cute. Hashtag black love I guess 😭

Cleo and JJ. Not what you think. Cleo's genuine fascination with JJ was hilarious to watch. It was like every time he opened his mouth she'd look at him like he was the most bizarre and mind stumping creature she'd ever met. Also them being two sides of the same coin and equally chaotic was everything

Ward dying!!! I rejoiced so loud it was embarrassing

John B reuniting with his dad but the buck stops there (see least fave things for more)

Y'all gone hate me for this one but I was actually here for Sarah and Tooper? And I do not know why tbh. Can't even tell you. Definitely don't hate her and John B. I think I just enjoyed the drama of it all.

Rafe and Barry. Loved seeing the murder boyfriend together again.

Just the mere knowledge that Rafe was getting it in. Good for him. Good for Sophia.

Rafe and Rose fighting. That was very hilarious to me. "You missed"

Everyone looked great

That motorcycle thing JJ did that made my Kitty purr

Topper going off the deep end in a jealous rampage

Pope telling Rafe it's not over like yeah. I look forward to round 4

Kelce 😭 I actually missed him

Topper helping them steal the "cross" like what was he even doing there? It was so funny to me because you have the whole gang and then...topper 😭

Rafe almost choking his dad out. That was great. Also when he almost killed him. That was a moment

Friar Cameron

Least fave:

WARD. FUCKING WARD. I wanted him OUTTA THERE from day one. How he managed to be so self righteous while sucking so bad I do not know

The fact that Rafe didn't kill ward. That was highly disappointing but alas

Big John. Just a horrible father. Found myself wishing he'd stayed missing.

They were putting the boys THROUGH it my gawd. Idk if they were like yeah we tortured tf out of Sarah last season so this season let's make it even. I mean Pope finding out Rafe melted the cross? Almost going on a villain arc? JJ having no home and nowhere to go and being treated like shit by Kie's dad? John B almost dying? Being forced to be an accessory to murder? Getting cheated on while literally going through hell? My goodness

The show is TV MA so how tf you're going to show Sophia waking up in Rafe's bed half naked and show Rafe getting dressed but don't show us what went down in said bed. Why am I watching Sarah and John B about to do the so but I can't get a crumb for Rafe?

Really wanted to see Rafe give Sophia that tour. No I won't shutup about it

Kie's parents. It's amazing how I found myself thinking they'd grown on me because surely it's hard trying to be a parent to Kie with everything going on but then they just weren't listening to her at all and literally forcibly shipping her off was sooo. And then for them to be celebrating their discovery at the end like they didn't doubt her and JJ the whole time was so ugh

[caffiene-fueled-fuckery]

2, 17, 25

Will be answering these as M*A*S*H since that's mostly the accounts I've been interacting with! I hope that's okay :)

2. "a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom"

Okay okay as much as I agree w people that Hawkeye has bottom energy, my favourite character is Father Mulcahy and my favourite ship is Hawkcahy... and I CANNOT see Mulcahy ever topping. Like He might bottom from the top but he would never fully top, y'know? In every ship I've entertained or heard mentioned with him, he's always the bottom. Hell, even if he had've gone to bed with that one nurse (Gail, I think?), I'm sure she would've topped. She had top energy. And Mulcahy just... doesn't. He's mostly quiet and sweet and gentle (usually), and also even if he had some experience before he was ordained, it's been like a decade at least since he's gotten laid. He's inexperienced and shy and as much as I think he does have a bit of a wild-side to hip, I can't see it manifesting as him topping. Being a brat? Maybe. Idk how much of a compelling argument this is but whatever. Also I'm not even 100% convinced by my own argument bc I'd love to see him as a gentle dom or actually getting riled up enough to top but I never said that

17. "there should be more of this type of fic/art"

Full disclosure I am an angst reader and writer predominantly and cope via projecting onto my faves, so yeah, I wanna see more angsty stories and artwork. I know MASH started as a comedy but my god that show made me laugh and cry in the same episodes half the time and the characters deserve some comfort. And you know who I want to see have some comfort? Klinger!

Unpopular choice? Idk, maybe. But I feel like that man has so many feelings that he just doesn't show. Like the period of adjustment episode broke my heart because he was trying his absolute best and everyone was treating him horribly and I just wanted to hug him. IK we got to see him chatting with Potter when he was plastered but I mean outside of that. Give me some Charles and Klinger hurt/comfort. Or Kellye and Klinger! Or Margaret!

Speaking of Margaret, I'd love to see more fics/art of her interacting with Radar. The scene where she's reading a letter to him when he's injured was so heartwarming and I feel like she saw him as a son or at last a little brother by the end and I'd love to see some more content of them, but esp hurt/comfort.

Also want to see some more hurt/comfort with Mulcahy. Like in the show he has a few moments where he goes to Hawkeye and I think once with Potter but its almost always him being the counsellor by proxy to the whole camp and on top of everything he deals with for himself he has to del with everybody else too and as someone who has a job that makes me be the therapist by proxy, its so draining. He's probably touch starved too so like... someone give that man a hug. Please.

Oh, and more Igor. Just... more Igor in general. He was funny, I always liked him.

25. "common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing"

I don't know if I have one... Maybe that's because the fandom is small or because I haven't been around here for very long, but I don't really have any complaints thus far. Everyone has been so nice!

Thanks for sending this ask!! Sorry it took me a while, I've been busy with commissions and such. And also sorry that this turned into a rant lmao I hope you don't mind 😅 -Em

[sanriosratz]

Super Sad! Ciero AU

this AU isn't as good as tbstashteb au, but by fuck is it angsty.

@eldritch-hall-asylum I know you're not interested in it, but eh. Do what you want with this.

TW // suicide attempt, mention of self-harm, mention of alcoholism, mention of overdose (on pain meds, not like drug-drugs) mention of disordered eating, mentioned trauma

After Ciero’s initial breakdown and months spent in the psych ward, they were allowed back home and cleared to work again. After a long and serious conversation with her family, she decided that, despite everything, she was working as a social worker again. 

He loves his job, he loves making a difference, and it means the absolute world to him. 

But, despite it being his dream job, every day at work is like hell.

It’s okay, though, because they’re helping people, getting children out of horribly abusive places, and helping parents get back on the right track. It's worth coming home with a fresh black eye; a broken, bloody nose; or a mark on their neck from being choked. 

It’s worth seeing even more dead bodies and being threatened with death.

And just like last time, she hides it with a bright smile and empty promises to tell people when it starts getting bad.

There’s so much stress and significant trauma going on in their life that eating is more of a chore than it ever was—there’d be times when Ciero wouldn’t eat for days because they were just so stressed.

The panic attacks and flashbacks he was experiencing before were minor compared to the ones he was having late at night, paralysed with fear, sobbing hysterically, and unable to breathe when struggling to hide his problems from the others.

It’s not long until she’s getting drunk almost every night, sitting on the cold kitchen floor, giggling drunkenly with legs like jelly and a mind full of stuffing. She doesn’t have to think about what she’s seen or experienced.

Eventually, she was suffocating in feelings of helplessness; she’d feel useless and broken. She was constantly in pain, always tired, always upset, and always hurting inside, and no matter how many people she helped, it never went away.

So, she tried to feel it on the outside. Discreetly, of course, so she didn’t alarm people, so long sleeves and trousers or skirt and tights were her go-to.

—

All of this built up until one fateful day when Ciero decided it was their last. 

They had probably the best day at work ever, which was nice. 

When they came home, they already had a plan devised. It wouldn’t take too long to set up and would be easy to carry out.

And so, once Ciero was sure that everyone was asleep he took his bottle of Codeine, a bottle of vodka, a blade, and a boxcutter into the downstairs bathroom. 

First, he carefully taped his note to the mirror and then opened the bottle of vodka, drinking about half before he took his sharp blade and boxcutter and attacked his arms and thighs with cuts and large gashes. 

He was close to passing out at this point and shakily opened the bottle of Codeine, shaking them into his mouth and swallowing them.

Leaning heavily against the wall, black spots began to overtake their vision at uneven intervals, and they felt their breathing get slower, each inhale leaving them begging for more air. They felt vomit rise from their stomach and were forced forward by a strong heave as vomit fell from their lips and they collapsed, unconscious.

They were found later by Jack G, who had gotten up to get some water from the kitchen and heard a crash in the bathroom. When he noticed the bathroom was locked, he got either Zephyr or Octavian (Octavian more likely) to break down the door, where they would then find Ciero’s bloody and mutilated body on the floor.

An ambulance is quickly called as Ciero is moved from the bathroom to the living room, where they can easily assess them.

They noticed their breathing was slow and laboured, their skin was cold and clammy, and despite how hard they were shaken or how loud they said their name, they didn’t respond.

—

When Ciero would later wake up in the hospital, she would be surrounded by worried family. But, most importantly, standing at the foot of the hospital bed was Patrick, who simply stared at her with a loving, yet cold gaze, and said what everyone in the room knew and wanted to say themselves. 

“You’re going to quit social work. It’s done nothing but almost kill you, quit the job.”

There could be a possible visit to the psych ward again, but I don’t know. 

Additional tidbits

In this AU Ferris would appear much later, like after the attempt instead of after the breakdown

Elspeth would definitely worry the most out of the entire family, based on the fact that she lost her twin to suicide and didn’t notice any warning signs for either (Elliot or Ciero)

^ If Ciero had succeeded, she would have most definitely blamed herself.

Because Ciero survives his attempt, there’d definitely be daily check-ins from all of his family members so that they can help when things get bad.

Would probably be diagnosed with BPD a little while after the attempt.

[patchesproblem]

Okay so for those curious about the einsla Half Life AU.. If you're expecting normalcy I'm sorry but do you know who you're following.

So I havent thought of the EXACT specifics yet, however there's this.

Einstein picks up a random headcrab and terrorizes Tesla with it. Listen. The headcrabs completely safe (think Llamar from Half Life 2) but she's intentionally dragging it along to fuck with Tesla. The way the conversation happened is basically: Einstein: Hey Nikola come here for a minute. Tesla: Did you find a way out?! Einstein holding the headcrab: Einstein: No but I found us a pet. Tesla: Wha- WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING FUCKING KILL IT LIESERL!! Einstein: That's rude Dr. Tesla. It's harmless, and look! It already likes you! *Headcrab is trying to get ontop of her head* Later on Einstein disappears with it for a minute and comes back with a bow on top of its head to fuck with her even more. She's not amused. It's either laugh or cry in Black Mesa and Einstein chose to laugh.

Said headcrab has no name.

They were just about to transfer to a different facility the day the resonance cascade occured. They were literally putting all their files / work / desk ornaments (pictures, utensils, etc.) in boxes and about to eat lunch when their luck ran out. To say they were mad would be an understatement

They had beef with Gordon Freeman before all this. Einstein just found him annoying by the off handed interactions they had meanwhile Tesla despised him and thought he was incompetent. She also witnessed him destroying someone elses lunch in the break room and for awhile refused to leave her food alone even with Einstein there to watch it when Gordon was supposed to come into work. They have Beef.

They hunt down the Gman. They have beef with him too. I would not put it past them to find that man and beat the shit out of him until he lets them go home or fixes everything. 'But he's a god like being-' and? Welt Joyce was a godlike being as well and he was bullied by them. Don't underestimate the power of annoyed and angry scientists who have dealt with aliens and the U.S. Marines trying to kill them. Which for the record they were beating the Marines asses. They're powerful. They're angry. They're gay.

They'd probably make it to the Lambda Lab before Gordon Freeman and help the Lambda team out. Once he disappears into Xen they'd probably help him only because they just want to go home already. They're tired and they're done with Black Mesas bullshit.

Tesla hated working at Black Mesa. It felt like god was smiling down at her when she and Einstein got transferred over.

They never went to City 17. Maybe they'd play some part in it, but I haven't finished watching Half Life 2 so I'm not sure what role they'd play.

Teslas hair would be put up in a braid for a majority of the time. This is mainly just because it's dangerous for it to be that long with all of the safety risks (getting snagged on things, catching on fire, aliens grabbing hold of it, etc.)

There's this one idea I had that is angsty but LISTEN TO ME. Sometime during the game Einstein slips up and nearly gets seriously hurt / killed, but Tesla instinctively jumps in without thinking and grabs her before she can fall. Thankfully neither of them got hurt but also it could've ended Horribly with the both of them falling.

Tesla and Einstein get guns like the girlbosses they are.

[naquey]

Reunion Amongst The Stars

May the force be with you, nerds and losers alike.

This is a solo, one-off one-shot between Sil Valdin and Obi-Wan Kenobi. It has nothing to do with Star Wars; Purged, or The Vacant Years. I just really wanted to do something angsty, because I live for it.

My goal was to *make you cry, so if you did. You're welcome!

*thinking of this idea made me sad if it helps

Word count: 1791

The ship was yet again malfunctioning. Sil didn’t know or even know the means to repair it. Asking someone would be risky, especially with the Empire on the rise, cracking down on security and hunting Jedi. It was just her and Jaari alone in the galaxy. She would have ignored whatever was wrong with the ship, but they couldn’t jump into hyperspace, making their journey much longer and harder. Plus, they didn’t have enough rations, but Jaari had yet to inform her of their dwindling supply because his giant appetite was the cause. Not to mention, it was embarrassing. 

Sil didn’t want to land on a dark and dingy planet that she had never seen before, not just because it was risky but because it made her anxious. She didn’t know the people or the culture, and she was flying blind, which meant there was no telling if they would spot her and single her out as a Jedi as soon as she got out of the ship. No matter what planet they landed on, it would be crawling with Stormtroopers or Imperials. 

“Damnit!” Sil clenched her teeth. 

A red blinking light appeared in the cockpit, a warning that something else wasn’t working. She hoped they could have waited to get to another planet or perhaps another system. 

“Everything alright?” Jaari popped his head into the cockpit, moving to lean against the doorway. 

He’d grown quite a lot in ten years. His hair was no longer that awkward buzzcut paired with the padawan braid. He had since ditched the braid. The mop on his head was shaggy and unkempt. Sil couldn’t count how often she asked him to cut it and look presentable. He was no longer a teenager with an appetite for disobeying authority; instead, he was twenty-something and tired. Both he and Sil were so, so tired. 

“Warning light.” She flicked some switches. “Luckily, it’s not the landing gear, so that it won’t be a bumpy ride.” She chuckled dryly. 

“Where are we? Do you know?” Jaari took the seat next to her, gazing out the window. 

Even though he wasn’t a teenager, his face still lit up in awe at the galaxy around him. 

“No idea.” Sil wasn’t going to lie to him. She gained nothing from it. 

“Oh, okay. We’re stuck on this planet and might starve to death. Cool.” 

“What do you mean starve? We have plenty of—" She paused, momentarily examining his features. “Okay, we’ll get more rations for the trip.” She sighed and swiveled the chair around. 

Her joints cracked and popped as she stood up, stretching as much as possible in their tiny space. Sleep ebbed away at her once she was out of that chair, calling her from the shadows. Typically, they took turns piloting, but for some reason, she couldn’t remember the last time he piloted the ship.  

“How do you know we’ll find someone to help us?” Jaari followed her out of the cockpit like a dog on her heels. 

“I just do. Half the systems we’ve been to have thousands of parts for a ship.” 

“We don’t even know what kind of ship it is.” Jaari crossed his arms. “For all you know, we could be ripped off and sold some part we already have.” 

“I’ve gotten better at haggling… and intimidation.” 

“You? No way!” She let him laugh. It didn’t matter. “The last time you haggled, you paid more instead of less. There is no way we’ll survive with the few left credits.” 

“I have a plan for how we’ll get credits.” Sil grabbed the cloak off one of the seats in the common area and adjusted it on her shoulders. 

“Don’t tell me it’s gambling again…” Jaari whined. “You’re a horrible gambler!” 

“I have luck.” 

“Beginners luck!” 

“Luck is all the same as long as it's good.” 

“Sometimes, I think the Jedi order had made you soft.” Jaari grabbed the blaster from the table.

He stopped and examined the blaster. It had belonged to Una only a few years ago. She had carved something on the side of it with Beor’s blade. He traced over the carving with his thumb, and fuzzy memories filled his mind, which he promptly shook away. 

She was dead. Fenn was dead, and Beor was dead. No amount of reminiscing would bring them back. No amount of wishing would undo their fate. 

“The Jedi taught discipline alongside peace, and it would be good for you to learn about it.” Sil elbowed him in the side, smiling. 

“No way, no. You are not teaching me anything about the order. You were already a piss-poor combat teacher.” 

Sil laughed, shaking her head. “Of course, you only think that because you’re bad with combat.” 

It was dark. The streets were busy with life and all sorts of colors. Vendors lined every corner, their inventory pooling out into the walkways. All kinds of beings shouted in mixtures of their mother tongue or galactic joint, competing with one another to sell their wares. Sil’s eyes wandered too long on a piece of clothing hanging from a rack. She forced herself to look away. Finding someone who sold spare parts or someone to repair their ship was her main priority. Jaari had separated from her a while back to find someone selling rations or browsing the food vendors' selection outside. 

Energetic music wafted through the air. Her veins thumped with every beat. Something within her was pulling her towards a selection of clothing at the corner of the street. Her bones buzzed as something new swirled within her. At first, she thought it was curiosity, but slowly, this feeling sunk in through her soul. The Force was guiding her to someone or something. Perhaps someone could fix the ship that didn’t advertise themselves as a mechanic. 

Rounding the corner, she stopped at the sight of someone wearing a green cloak. The hood pulled over their heads. They handed something to the little girl, who excitedly slipped the gloves on with a smile that reminded her of Fenn. She heard the voice belonging to the stranger, and a wave of energy pulsed within her. 

Without thinking of the people around watching with curiosity or giving her weird looks, she ran up to the person in the green cloak and flung her arms around them. In her heart, Sil already knew who the stranger was. They were unmistakable. The voice should have been what had given him away, but it had been so long. The man stammered for a while, trying to pull her off. She released him quickly and watched as he spun around. 

The anger that bubbled within him dissipated. Before her name fell from his lips, she hugged him again. 

“Oh! It’s you! It truly is you!” 

In her right mind, she would have cursed herself for crying, but the relief that flooded her system was far more powerful than the logical side of her brain. The two stayed like that momentarily until the little girl cleared her throat. Sil jumped away like she had been caught red-handed doing something she wasn’t supposed to do. 

“Who are you?” 

“I– Well– Uhm–” 

“She’s an old friend.” 

Her stomach was twisting into knots. She wanted him to talk for an eternity, fill the time that had been missed. Oh, how she missed him so. He was a dear friend. 

“My name is Sil. What’s yours?” 

“Leia.” The girl looked between the two, thinking. Visually, the gears were turning in her head. “Is she a Jedi?” 

The man and Sil looked around frantically, watching for eavesdroppers. 

“Yes, I am.” 

“Okay. Is she part of your army?” Leia looked back at him. 

“What do you mean army? Obi– “ 

“Ben.” He corrected her. 

“...Ben? What’s wrong with your name?” 

Obi-Wan looked at Sil. She should know why he chose a different name and decided to ditch the one that made him seem like a Jedi. A beat passed as they stared at each other, and it finally clicked. 

“Oh, then, does this mean I should? I mean, I don’t think it’s that obvious.” Sil crossed her arms, biting the inside of her cheek. 

“What are you doing here? You shouldn’t be here.” Obi-Wan took Leia by the hand. 

“What did she mean by an army?” Sil shot back. 

“Answer my question first,” Obi-Wan sighed. 

“Our ship has broken down. We need parts for it.” 

“Our?” 

“I’ve been flying with a padawan.” Sil glanced at Leia. “What did she mean by an army?” 

“It’s a rescue mission,” Leia answered for him. “My– “ 

“Alright, that’s enough information.” Obi-Wan chuckled awkwardly. 

“Do you know if there are others alive?” Sil asked, ignoring the skittish look in his eyes. 

“What use would that bring you?” Obi-Wan asked, his demeanor changed. 

“Maybe I could bring the others to a place the Empire can’t reach.” Sil scanned his face for any hint of a lie. “Please, Obi—Ben,” she pleaded. 

“I can’t help you.” He ushered Leia along, turning away from her. 

“You have to!” She cried, following him. 

“I can’t, there’s nothing I can do.” 

“Ben.” She turned him around, tears threatening to spill over her cheeks. “Please, I have to know if there’s anyone left in the galaxy.” 

“Even if I were to tell you, there’s nothing it would do.” 

“What does that mean?” 

“Sil, there’s no way you’ll get to them. Not from where you are.” 

“What?” 

Her vision was blurry from tears, or she couldn’t see his face all that well. She used the sleeves of her cloak to wipe away the tears, but his facial features kept getting foggier. 

“Ben.” She took him by the shoulders and shook him. “Ben, please!” 

She felt like she was choking. Gasping for breath, her eyes snapped open, and only dim light shone under the door. Her hands felt around her throat for any bruises or cuts. Looking around the small room, she took a deep, shaky breath. Sil was still in one of the holding cells. 

Getting up from the stone slab they called a bed, she slammed her fists against the metal door. 

“Get me out of here! Help! Someone!” Her voice was horse from her slumber. 

Her fists grew numb, and her knees shook beneath her. Sliding down the length of the door, she pressed her forehead against it, sobs raking through her. 

Was this it? Was she going to die at the hands of the Empire? 

Perhaps, after death, she will see Obi-Wan again and be able to embrace old friends. Without the order, she felt as though she was nothing. Sitting here in this holding cell was proof of that. Sil had not only failed herself but also failed Jaari and her people.