Text
fucked how financial stability would fix me
#wonder what its like surviving off more than ~$1k a month#if not for theft id be lacking nutrition#all of my cash goes to bills#what i manage to justify for treats comes from debt#trading mental debt for financial debt which ultimately circles back on itself#ah the classic capitalism cycle#i live comfortably now at least in a global comparison#dont take my privilege for granted#yet despite it im one life changing event from having it all crumble beneath my feet#and im running out of reasons to hold on#i dunno if i have the strength#guess time will tell#idk why i prefer rambling in tags over the post itself
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
fucking Help Him
#pepstavo#spicy hot#but like ONLY for the text#keeping it out of the bigger main tags bc im shy sdfkhsfshdfksdj#apologies for it being so text heavy....#and apologies but i have so much happening now#flight coming up#multiple comms i had to put on hold for Reasons#bday coming up#so um. this is what im leaving with you#see yall in like two weeks maybe; ill keep the queue up and running#and possibly add my own art to it#but i wont have any time to indulge in ANYTHING art related aside from comms :(#i wanted to draw pie----poe interactions and i cant even do THAT i hate it here
386 notes
·
View notes
Text
I don't know if it's the religious trauma or the dead mom trauma but the conservative christian insistence on not teaching children about their bodies in school and insistence that this knowledge should be private in all circumstances with no exceptions should be seen as suspicious at best and criminally malicious at worst
#but wait there's more#I know this isn't a new hot take or anything#but I have 'periods' without blood cause of medical reasons and every time I get them#I think about my great aunt scoffing at me for admitting Im on birth control before she told me#how until she was maybe 16-18 y/o she thought holding hands with boys she liked would get her pregnant#and I think about being 9 y/o and just losing my mom only to be told a few months later that Im a woman now#I was barely sentient let alone a woman#and with the recent period talk ban in florida#where you can't even discuss periods without getting in trouble before 6th grade#how scared and alone I already was being raised in this cult where everything was hush hush#My dad couldn't teach me about them and my extended family didn't tell me about all of the reproductive conditions we have running thru us#so I barely talked to anyone until I was like 13-14 and so anemic I was blacking out and sleeping 14 hours a day#and no one told me it wasnt normal until then#it's dangerous at best and deadly at worst
93 notes
·
View notes
Text
...
#it's an old frustration. an old pattern of thought.#i just feel that i have a brain that doesn't hold information. that lacks the discipline to gain knowledge. that is incapable of deeper#thought. and i cant teel you how maddening that is. to sit in a room and listen to other people discuss a paper you read in depth 5 times#like it's the 1st time you ever heard anything about it. how is that possible? how do i work with that? i read and nothing sticks.#nothing stays with me. how??? i was talking to a prof recently who ive heard is hard on her students with disability accommodation. and she#was saying how she doesnt see these things as a disability. how we're just different not disabled. ive heard the phrase differently abled#a lot of times. and i get what she's saying. i do. ad i get why she's hard on them. she wants to push them. but there comes a point where#you are quote unquote differently abled and you run into a wall that other people dont have. then what are you supposed to do? work harder?#but what if that doesn't help? what if that just compounds the hurt that's always been there? what if that leaches away all the wonder? what#then? at what point does a thing become too much of a barrier? i think there's a reason i dont run into many other dyslexic grad student.#everyone has adhd. it's a place where those with adhd prosper. but dyslexia not so much. at least not with the level of hanicap i have#and everyone's really nice. they want to help. but there's nothing anyone can do for me at this stage. it's up to me to compensate for my#leaky head. and i kno im not stupid. ive got a piece of paper stating my iq is above average after correcting for uneven intelligence. but#i dont feel very smart most of the time. i feel more like my uncorrected iq score that comes out at just below average even with me trying#my very best. iq is bullshit but there's something to be said for that gap. im smart if unconstrained by language and time. but were bound#by language and we're bound by time so what am i supposed to do? is there anything i can do? im stuck with this forever. theres no getting#better or making it easier. my brain is wired in a way that gives me the reading skills of a child. forever. and i just have to accept that#and im trying to swallow around that idea easier because the only other option is to choke on it. but maybe i chose the wrong career path.#one of my lab mates said she wants challenges all the time and ive chosen a path that's challenges all the time but im jsut trying to do#what everyone else can without a second thought. it's deeply demoralizing. yet here i am. trying to be easier abt it.#maybe im just nit cut out for this. doing a job im not built for.#unrelated
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
i have this silly little undeveloped au in my brain that's just like. tedependent but it's the sarah jane adventures. sort of. not literally in the doctor who universe necessarily but like. local intrepid reporter trent crimm investigating weird shit except the local neighborhood kids will not leave him alone.
i have so many thoughts about this but none of them are coherent enough for a proper fic i think:
i just think trent being good with kids, generally. go mentor figure trent! (what this has nothing to do with my thesis what do you mean)
trent, like sarah jane pre-series, having a sort of reputation in the neighborhood (or in general, since i'm also incorporating his actual canon vibes/story) as to being standoffish, aloof, cold, etc., and generally anti-social, keeping to himself. and as the kids keep dragging him into things kicking and screaming he might also be dragged kicking and screaming into a community <3
if his daughter is essentially luke does that mean he adopted her under Strange Alien-Related Circumstances? absolutely it does, yes.
see i've got two great ideas for ted/tedependent. on one hand, although in the context of SJA/nuwho i'm not so much one for sarah jane and the doctor as a Thing, ted playing the role of like. someone from trent's Mysterious Past who he won't talk about who set him on this path? someone who was kind and wonderful and changed his life but then--at least it feels like to him--abandoned him? someone who made him a better person--from doing whatever journalism he used to do to this--someone who he's still kinda in love with... but trent can no longer even really talk to......until he shows up again? that's some good shit, not gonna lie. although i'm jimmying that into a happy ending somehow, goddamn it.
ALTERNATIVELY. henry being one of the Neighborhood Kids (as if we're using "canon" kids, we've got limited options) and ted being an oblivious parent. trent is trying to get these kids to STOP POKING INTO DANGEROUS ALIEN NONSENSE PLEASE THIS IS HIS JOB PLEASE STOP BREAKING INTO HIS HOUSE but they're stubborn and smart and they may or may not have saved his life once or twice and oh GOD THIS IS SO IRRESPONSIBLE but he can't just TELL THESE RANDOM NEIGHBORS about ALIENS. but like anyway this just painful secret identity-esque nonsense where ted knows henry's taken a shine to that nice journalist down the street and his daughter but does NOT know that henry is getting into Shenanigans(TM). this could lead into all sorts of drama about, you know, his kid being in danger... or, alternatively, ted has worked with some unit/torchwood-esque place before and is like OHH you know what? this explains that time i thought i heard you speaking an alien language. cool, cool. and trents like. .....WHAT
etc. i'm not wording this well but i think you get the idea.
if you really really wanted to make it complicated you could do both, considering the doctor's whole thing--either a fob watch or a regeneration--but honestly, i don't want to do that, so i won't
some of the adults do definitely get involved though. keeley either clocks that shit right away or thinks she's clocked it but she's actually clocked something entirely different. she's like i know you're mi6 babe ;) and he. is not. meanwhile roy having ten freakouts in a row and then being like nvm i'm fine with this. (is not fine with this, but will be eventually). jamies like yeah aliens. everyone knows about those. and they're like what?? no they dont?? and so on.
is beard an alien? genuinely no one's sure. he's not telling.
HOLD ON can i give trent k-9???? can trent crimm get a robot dog?????? yes please i think he deserves a robot dog
also see the trickster episodes? bet you could do something real fucked up with those.
i feel like i had more when i started this post but i don't remember
this not well thought out at all and i have no idea where everyone would fit in
anyway my point is. trent crimm, intrepid journalist, running around trying to stop alien shenanigans while Those Meddling Kids keep following him around. trent crimm doin a little Breaking And Entering. scooby doo shit. and he has such an interesting mix of seeming suave and badass and then immediately doing something embarrassing. trent crimm--via shenanigans and also Those Meddling Kids dragging him into their lives (aka he tries to keep his distance SO badly and only is involved when dangerous shit is going down but like then it's all. child knocking on his door like IT'S AN EMERGENCY OPEN UP and hes like WHAT WHAT IS IT and theyre like can you help me with my homework :( and hes like. fuck. yeah fine what do you want help with. (some subjects he's very helpful on others he's VERY not) until they're like okay but you're coming to this bbq right. and he's like? no? and they're like you're coming to this bbq right. and so on) ANYWAY the point is they keep dragging him into their lives and now oops! trent actually knows his neighbors and has to go through the mortifying ordeal of being known. but that also means that when he gets badly hurt or sick he's used to the empty hospital room but now he actually gets people showing up and forcing baked goods on him and shit and i'm just feeling a lot of things about this extremely hypothetical au based on my already existing feelings about trent gaining a community in s3/post-canon,
wait does this mean trent gets sonic lipstick? HELL YEAH IT DOES
#well actually i have a LOT of silly little underdeveloped aus in my brain but#anyway. crack edition: the football players are still football players.#trent crimm wondering why he's trying to stop an alien spaceship from blowing up the block#with the help of a team of famous football players. roy kent just punched a raxicoricofallapatorian.#trent on the couch with a black eye bc they had a run in with a sontaron or some shit: [holding up peas to his face] okay.#so jamie tartt is here for some reason. and also the neighbor i have a crush on. and also his son. and also colin. this is fine#that's all a joke obviously but the imagery has me cackling#anyway this also made me think of trent as river song which doesnt work at first glance but then when i think about some PARTICULAR things#makes me cry. like. just. meeting him in reverse.#it's s3 trent--dorky and open and softer but sadder--that he meets first#and by the time he reaches the end he sees how far he's come out of his shell and how unhappy he was#but then they have their moment...#sorry that's also barely coherent and definitely wouldn't make a cohesive au without a lot more work im just spinning thoughts in my brain#trent crimm#tedependent#tedtrent#ted x trent#sja au#tvtcau#the first one before i even had that lol
43 notes
·
View notes
Text
now that ive finished my first hardcore playthrough i feel like i cant rest until im wearing the fuck the world and pissfaggot jackets with my best friend kim. but that involves all the work it takes to get the pissfaggot jacket. also almost got taken onto the moralintern ship the last time but i was doing an intellect playthrough and could not for the life of me pass the empathy check. also if i give the pissfaggot jacket to kim i want him to be wearing it through the mercenary tribunal so i can ask him why he took it off after. if i get him the pissfaggot jacket will he wear it onto the moralintern ship? i also want to play through the moralist ending Not on hardcore mode so the check is easier. which basically means i've got two more playthroughs ahead of me i want to do like immediately. can someone set me free from this prison of love and adoration for video game
#diary#disco elysium#had to type all that out so it's out of my brain and i wont start playing right now when it's bedtime.#i also want to do a himbo run but not for any reason just because so where does that come into play??? anyway PLEASE ADVISE#i have fallout 4 and horizon i want to play but i can't let her go ........#im crazy. im the embodiment of that post thats like started playing monday tuesday woke up sweating from the most detailed#sex dream of my life or whatever. hold on let me rb that post again
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#sxsh generations spoilers#sonic x shadow generations spoilers#grrrr they cooked with this#GOT A CHANCE TOW ATCH IT AND OOO#THAT WAS SO SICK????W#I LOVE HOW UNCOMFORTABLE THE START IS COS IT LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING ELSE AND I WAS HOLDING MY BREATH IN DOUBT#like i knew it couldnt be but was only reassured when maria showed her face#i love how the despair in her voice also heightens the tension but turns out its because shes running out of breath because of her sickness#also i love how they use colors here so much wtf#lookdev and art team fucking cooked oh my god#like when they are running at the start and everything is kinda green and cool and marias blonde hair is literally emiting a yellow aura#ALSO i LOVE how they make it clear that this isnt “what actually happened”#its still shadow's memories and they still arent reliable. its only one more reflection of his trauma that someone is trying to take#advantage of by shedding light on it again and testing how he reacts to it#so uhh black arms mind hive confirmed?#ALSO THE FACT THAT SHADOW KNOWS ARK DESTROYED ALL THE EVIDENCE RIGHT AFTER THE ARK RAID#DOES THAT MEAN THAT AFTER THEY CAPTURED HIM HE STAYED CONSCIOUS AND HAD TO WATCH THEM CLEANING ALL THE PROOF THAT THEY MURDERD EVERYONE??#WHAT THE FUCK7#but i must say im starting to wonder if they edited it out again today for some reason#there is dialogue missing that still appears in the subtitles and that was present in the first teaser#i watch with subs on and i must admit that took me out of it for a second because i knew that was supposed to be there but wasnt
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
thought about Guz holding a baby and just about passed away. we would never have kids for a few different reasons but he WOULD be really good with babies and kids in general. and also thinking about him holding a baby makes me kind of explode into a billion shards bc that's way too cute to think about HFSDHGJKL
#is this a safe space. can i admit smth ''cringe''.#i was watching D&P's sims series and seeing Dil hold tiny baby Dab made me think about Guz holding a tiny baby SDJKL#im trying to catch up on their sims series bc i didn't watch it as a teen fdsjkl and now theyre making videos again AUGH#sometimes i feel almost guilty that i don't want kids irl or fictionally but sdfskl it simply... would not be good#i loooove kids and i love interacting w them. however i would not make a good parent and would be unable to parent well#i am good with kids! i've worked with children under 6! but i would not make a good parent for several different reasons dsjfkl#and i think maybe Guz would be a little sad about it but with t.eam skull i think he'd have plenty of kids running around the community#the grunts would grow up and have kids and i'm sure everyone would hang out together and he could experience a bit of parenting in that way#💜so good at being in trouble#dandy.cmd
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
every time i've gotten into a popular series or franchise i've always been disappointed by it because like. its so hyped up and i watch it and find it mid and it appears we are not watching/playing the same thing
#reasons i wont like. get into ace attorney or fma or anything else#and by popular i mean like. ubiquitously popular. like an 'everyone at least knows of it' type#like ik enstars is popular especially in asia but in the west its a lot more niche#for whatever reason one piece is more niche ime than naruto or bleach despite arguably being bigger and literally still ongoing#and then jjk. god help me jjk is awful now#i was going to say idk if jjk is at that level but i've had easier times finding merch for that than some series here#so its certainly up there.#umu not to say its not good but i just find them being so hyped up leads to a lot of disappointment especially#since i didnt get into them at the same time as everyone else ie during formative times in my life#in middle/high school so it holds a completely different context for me being in my early 20s#anyway. idk where i was going with this. im not not into popular media/anime specifically#obviously. i run a semi popular one piece blog.#but compared to other things i am certainly less drawn to popular series#and find the uber popular ones have. declined in quality recently#what is going on in bsd even these days i should catch up. no i shouldnt. someone tell me when kouyou shows up again#the only redeeming thing in that series is my beloved kouyou you dont understand#and chuuya but mostly kouyou#but if its not just me and 20 other bloggers on this godforsaken site then i dont want it#shay speaks#again this is. just about my personal taste dont try to take this out of context so help me god
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
Took a nap in the middle of the day and had the most bizarre series of dreams, some were in fact nightmares, HOWEVER Ollie and Felix were in the last one??? Felix Catton continues to be the most beautiful man I've ever seen in my conscious or unconscious life???? All I got was one of the best and most real feeling kisses I've ever had in a dream, and I'm so mad I woke up. :(
cannot escape Saltburn or the Felix/Reader/Oliver fantasies even while asleep it seems...
(my tags are for posterity lol sorry but if you wanna read the full dream go right ahead. I reached the tag limit but all that was left was essentially the main text of this post lol)
#i will say the early part of the dream was very different. i Was jason momoa for a while there. also a child. also maybe peacemaker#evan Peters as magneto was tearing apart school buses and children and also he fucked my (whoever i was as jason momoa) mom which i saw??#then there was two of me (jason momoa)?? he also may have become peacemaker i might be misremembering. we were in the jungle#no metal so he wasnt a threat#except he was peacemaker and i (artie the writer in the body of jason momoa) am not a good fighter and he bullied me for it. womp womp#then we were saved by a tribe of superheroes who lived in the jungle and were definitely pitting us against each other#but i wasnt Jason momoa anymore except i was when i was swinging through the jungle like george of the jungle#but i was me when i got to the beach and started swimming and hunting for food and shoving every random piece of food into my mouth#except the eel which i was told i had to cook 😞#cooked the eel over a tealight at the beach camp/tribe which i was apparently part of even though i was meant to have been with the forest#also spoke to some irl collegues from the festivals i worked at last year and aparently as an 'initiate' to the tribe i and the others#have to find a place to sleep in the open#also that theres some kind of game???? some weird game that happens with the forest tribe initiates???? like hide and seek#and we on the beach only have a set time to prepare#immediately me and the rest of the beach initiates are like Get Fukt were not sleeping on the sand and gravitate towards#the weird warehouse based playground?? that was there for some reason?? and had so many security cameras??? what was my mind doing honestly#its under cover but the two other initiates im close to now dont feel like its secure enough to not be found#also the hide and seek aspect now has sinister undertones for those doing the hiding it seems. its more nightmare again#im a very awkward person irl with touch (its the autism lol) so it was big of me to hold hands with this dude#because we were running out of time to hide and i was afraiddddd#for the record i shouldnt have been lmfao#ANYWAYS idk when or who gives me the tip that i should hide on the other side of these weird black bed frame situations#but im assured by a girl i went to uni with (maddy i lov u thanks for cameoing in my dream???) that it works???#so im squeezed up in the corner behind this loft bedframe and it turns out the hiders can see like it's a sunny daytime#seekers are going around in the dark#makes it much less spooky#also it means i just got to watch fi and ollie (and others) being hot and essentially hunting people down#(hm do i have a thing for predator/prey dynamics??? that's future arties problem to think about)#the point is fi and ollie find my friend maddy#who is just in front of me but i duck out of their grasp consistently but they're weirdly persistent so much that even maddy comments on it
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
this is somethin awful to look at
#duality of man. i need to write a post abt southern imagery in glam metal but not tn#but there is smth there. the thing w the stars n bars n the way that u see it for no fuckin good reason on cali bands#anyways. duality. im mad that country is that close to glam metal tho how tf did that happen . nothin in that folder existed til october#n i been buildin the glam folder for YEARS#i got some kinda awful dixiana dirt thing happenin to me#there is. so much to unpack here#the thing abt dixie is that it will have a hold on u forever no matter how bad u run away from it#n the thing abt cali is that it calls in the night n u know damn well u wouldn’t make it a fuckin day there#n the thing abt sad blonde southern prettyboys with guitars is that they ain’t got no damn sense#n they ain’t gonna be happy nowhere because there ain’t nowhere cut out for em n there never rly was#so they’re chasin skirts in some old relic of the classy south n dreamin of broadway lights#n gettin their hands n hearts dirty with sins they ain’t got the means to pay off now or in the next life#n makin 3am cigarette runs when they know damn well they swore off that shit#but it don’t rly matter none cuz they ain’t gonna live long enough to see them broadway lights or then sunset lights anyways#i can tell y’all somethin about all that cuz im livin it four on the floor every damn day#the grass is greener bout everywhere but ain’t none of it real except wherever you’re runnin from#n the thing about runnin is once you do it you can’t never really look back#sure. look in the rearview. ain’t the same as you remember is it?#one thing i done learned is that life’s a lot like drivin#n it ain’t no coincidence that i tore the side mirror off my shitbox a couple years ago n cracked the rearview on new years eve#like some kinda fucked up angels sayin son don’t look behind you#some kinda fucked up angels sayin boy quit lookin back or you’re gonna crash#so what’s it gonna be? slow down or don’t look back? y’all fuckers ain’t got no consensus or else im hearin things#ain’t gettin no straight answers#could be that i got the devil down here in dixie tellin me shit that ain’t true n i got them angels of god cornerin me in music stores#sayin shit i weren’t ready to hear#so what’s it gonna be? hoss whisperin in my ear or curtis lowe on devine street?#or durango on my left shoulder?#n i know damn well ain’t none of em wrong#but i ain’t gettin no answers tonight neither way so i’ll take another smoke n think it over
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#i think one thing i really didn't prepare for w overnights is just how fucking lonely it is. like yeah 80% of the reason i took it was to#get away from customers but like. it worked. and the night shift team is v v small. there's only 4 of us and we've never been scheduled all#at once yet. and usually we're running around on completely opposite ends of the building going long periods of time without#radioing each other. and then i come home all amped up and the rest of my house is still asleep. and then when they wake up#it's just to get ready and go and we don't really have time to talk. and by the time they get back i'm sleeping#and it's my first night off and i can't fuck up my whole schedule i worked so hard to switch over to w them flipping me all over the place#so now i'm just like. sitting in the half light trying not to wake anybody up not doing anything. the only places near us open are#gas stations and i can't exactly loiter there and what would i do even if i could. and it's too cold to go for a walk or to the park#or something. and i feel like i haven't talked to another human being about something that wasn't related to work in years#and it's only been a week.#and we can listen to music or podcasts or something but our carts and machines are so loud you miss half of it. and we can't hold#super long conversations when we ARE in the same room for the same reasons. plus we all want to die so none of us feel like talking.#and just. im tired and lonely and want to sleep and im already regretting this but i'd feel bad for backing out now when they have so#few options and i volunteered for it in the first place#and then there's also like. even just doing my usual solitary thing at home feels so much more isolated bc there's not the noises#of other people existing nearby. the nearest signs of life are some coughing and then a car on the other side of the block#just. what am i even doing here.#tag ramble
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
fees are the dumbest invention ever actually
#all i want is a goddamn pretzel pizza but noooooo#i have to pay a delivery fee (reasonable) and a service fee (unreasable) and a SMALL ORDER FEE???? (absolutely batshit STUPID)#so now i don’t have a pretzel pizza and i an sad 😭#because i have just enough to buy the pizza and that’s it#and the bus isn’t running any longer today 😭#excuse me while i stare mournfully out the window#shut up im holding the trashtalking breadstick
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
got a top surgery date after years and years and its made me start thinking about true love again
#ykno?#if i elaborate i'll cry for suuuure#blithering on#gender#trans#top surgery#its kinda insane how I've felt more depressed than I have in a loooong time- and then out of the blue i got a top surgery date and now im.#thinking how wonderful and beautiful life can be when you make it your own#and when you can find others who find beauty in similar ways to you#Im. so ready to be able to stand up straight and breathe deeply and hold my shoulders back and get chest tattoos and hug the people i love#its been five years. and I finally have a date. its in two weeks.#ive never had more of a reason to stay alive.#and Ive seen so many videos of people post op with their partners#and I just cant understand my mothers anxiety over me being alone forever#if im gonna be alone its because Im a got damn shut-in; not because of my transness#and I just got back from visiting portland......god there are so many lovely queer and trans people there i want to move there SO badly#to think I could live somewhere where running into other queer and trans folks is a daily occurance makes my heart ache soooo bad#anyway wow ive started rambling#and yeah I made myself cry but its happy crying for once! I cant believe i got a date. I finally got a date
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
i once accidentally dated someone for a few months. its very difficult to explain how this happened, but the gist is that i thought we were hanging out, and she thought we were on dates, and it was just a very painfully highschool thing.
she was a little bit confused that i hadnt tried to pull any moves, at all, even a little. like, didnt even try holding hands because, and i cannot emphasize this enough, i did not know we were dating.
so, halloween rolled around, and she thought, you know, why wait for destiny, when you can grab it? so she hit me with a clue by four.
babylon, she said. babylon. my mom's gonna be out of town on halloween, and im gonna have the house to myself, and it's going to be kind of lonely. would you like to come to my house and watch scary movies with me?
you know, kind of a netflix and chill thing. except, and i cannot emphasize this enough, i did not know we were dating. also autism. so i took it at face value and said: oh! yeah! thatd be fun! and she thought she got her point across, but she didnt and it was a mess.
skip forward to halloween: my family has a block party every year, right? and at that point i was too old to really trick or treat, but we still wore costumes for our role in the block party, which in my case, was handing out cotton candy. so i took the first shift, and my costume was this homemade abomination minion thing. i had full yellow body paint, and goggles, and a bald cap, and overalls. the kids who saw it were like, uh, hm. overly realistic minion. and adults were like, oh, some kind of hills have eyes hillbilly with jaundice. very scary.
(it was not my best costume.)
my little brother swapped me out for second shift, and i was getting ready to change out to head to her house when i was like: no, she'll get a real kick out of this. this is one of the worst things i have ever worn. so i kept it on and just brought a change of clothes thinking i could shower real quick and change at her place after she saw my nightmare getup.
so i left after that, got there, knocked on her door, and she said come on in. so i went in, and there was this very long hall with an abrupt right turn into her living room where the tv was, and i went down the hall, and i made the turn, and my field of view went from beige drywal to her, on the couch, naked. naked in the paint me like one of your french girls pose. super naked.
i panicked. this was my first time seeing a real person like, full on sex naked,which is a totally different beast from other kinds of naked. you see one kind of naked and you think yeah, im ready for all the kinds of naked, but you arent. i wasnt at least. i really wasn't.
so my brain crashed to BIOS. she also crashed to BIOS, but for different reasons. of all the ways this could have turned me, having me show up in yellow body paint and overalls was pretty pretty low down the list.
so we sat there a while, and you know, she wasn't getting any less naked, which really wasn't helping me get my brain sorted out. it really wasnt much of a surprise when she got her bearings first and started asking questions.
"babylon," she said. "babylon. what are you wearing?"
and i was like, kind of rebooted, but i was nowhere near full functionality, so symbolic language wasnt loaded in yet. i had nothing running but my trusty autism.exe, so i said
"overalls"
and she looked at me like i was the dumbest person in the entire world, and i looked at her like she was the first naked person i had seen in real life who got naked specifically for me, and my upper level cognitive process went: "listen man, we are not going to get our shit together as long as 80% of your brain power is devoted to not blinking. you gotta get out of here."
and if id communicated that, maybe things would have been less of a mess, but instead i just kind of turned around and walked back to my car. i figured i could drive a few loops around the block, get my brain in order, and figure out what the hell we were gonna do.
the only thing i had said to her since arriving was, again, overalls.
first loop around, i was like: oh god fucking damnit. oh shit. oh shit. shes gonna get like, an eating disorder from this. oh no.
second loop around i was like: oh NOOOOO oh WHAT THE FUCK oh SWEET JESUS PLEASE. i dont wanna go back man. i just wanna bury this and forget about it. please. please. let this bitter cup pass from my lips.
and after my third loop, i went and i knocked on her door again.
she answered it this time, and i counted my lucky stars that she'd changed into some pajamas. she was all teary eyed which was the saddest thing ever, and we sat down in her kitchen and talked. it was pretty bad - i figured out we'd been dating, and she figured out that trying to jump from home plate to 3rd base is considered ballsy in baseball, least of all dating. no real winners there. and i can remember after all that, we sat there a bit a bit longer, just steadying ourselves, and i was like "well, im actually really glad we figured that out. guess i'll see you at school tomorow' and she said "WAIT. wait."
"lets watch shrek 2."
so we did and it was horrible. we did not look at each other. we did not say a word. we just sat in stony silence, while shrek 2 played in the background, and when it was done we shook hands. i think we might have been able to salvage that as a friendship if it hadnt been for shrek. as it was she turned white as a sheet and ran away every time she even got a glimpse of me at school, and that summer she moved to a new state to live with her dad. all her friends said she moved just so she wouldn't have to go to school with me anymore, and i dont actually think they were lying.
every time i hear relationship counselors talk about how important communication is, and i'm tempted to roll my eyes, i look back and go, alright. alright. theres probably some poor bastard, somewhere in the world, who doesnt even know that hes married.
and god help him when he figures it out.
other bad dating story here.
#funny stories#dating#dating fiascos#minions#the minion incident#anecdotes#fuck shrek#and fuck shrek 2#like its the best in the shrek series but that movie is basically my trigger now
15K notes
·
View notes
Text
need a life altering but very short love story with a tragic ending to happen to me NEOW
#like oh we fell in love but your brother just murdered someone and you took the blame and now you have to go on the run to cuba but im here.#and i cant come with you and so i cry and say goodbye and its over -3-#or like ohhh we fell in love but i JUST got deported and by the time i (lore) my way into getting citizenship and i got to see u ur engaged#or like OHHHH we fell in love but you die saving me from some kind of scary rabid animal#or OHHHHHH we fell in love but you got an amazing opportunity across the country and i'd neeeever hold you back#need it to last min a month max a month and a half.. i need to never be the same after#i need a REASON to be staring blankly out the windows on the bus!#she speaks#sorry yalll
0 notes