#and immediately she started projecting all of her fear and doubts and saying things that had me like ???

[karasuno-planet]

All's fair—Academic Rivals | Tsukishima Kei

Tsukishima x Reader (she/her pronouns used)

wc: 1.1k

genre: kinda angsty but nothing crazy! sfw

warnings: feelings of inferiority, jealousy, slight cursing, calculus 💀

a/n: finally the long awaited academic rivals fic!! sorry I've been MIA for a couple days, I was traveling <3 everyone say thank you to @23starii , @alexaslibrary13 , @nym-blogs , and @h0neymustardwh0re for asking and encouraging me to write this one :)

(gif not mine)

Even after a long losing streak on the boy's volleyball team, Tsukishima always had one thing he believed he could never feel defeated in: his academics. School was just naturally easy to him, but that's not to say he doesn't work hard. It was his innate intelligence coupled with his work ethic that made him an absolute force in the classroom.

So when the calculus tests were being handed back, there wasn't a worry in his mind. The teacher set it on his desk face down.

Tsk, how dramatic, he thought, flipping it over.

In big red pen, he saw 98% written in bold on the top of the paper. Scoring a 98 was certainly above average, but not above Tsukki's average.

Before he could say a word the teacher was projecting at the front of the class, "Sorry, but there's no curve on this one. Somebody managed a perfect score, so it was achievable."

What?

The class murmured, upset with pretty mediocre grades for such a prestigious class. Discontent spouted from all directions. Well, besides directly from Tsukki's left hand side, where you sat. It was silent as a mouse. Awfully suspicious.

He stole a quick side glance at you to see exactly what he feared, a big, bold, 100% at the top of your test.

No matter how hard he tried for the rest of the day, he just couldn't shake that jealousy from his mind— the constant image of your perfect test seemingly ingrained to the back of his eyelids. He was so used to setting the curve in that class, how could he have overlooked competition this whole time?

☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾

Later that day at practice, he tried channeling his emotions into his gameplay, with mild success. He was definitely playing with the kind of ambition he often lacked after long days of school.

When the team stopped for a water break, Nishinoya was quick to chime in, "Hey Tsukki, what's got you so worked up??"

The annoying presence of his pesky teammate irritated Tsukishima, "I doubt you'd even be able to understand it, dumbass."

Noya's face dropped at the outburst, "Sure Tsukki. Just let me know when you've pulled the stick out of your butt!!"

☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾

Days went by, then weeks, and Tsukishima's hunger to match your academic achievement only grew. He became exceedingly obvious about it.

Every time you raised your hand, suddenly he did.

At the end of every test, when you stood up to turn it in, so did he. And his legs were long enough to beat you to handing it in every time.

When the tests were returned, you started to turn and catch his eye as he stared intensely trying to get a peak at your grade. Eventually you just made an effort to show him. After all, you weren't insecure about your grades. They were phenomenal and you both knew it.

The real surprises began when you both started to talk to each other. Suddenly the rivalry was put into words. It started out friendly, asking about when due dates were and simple things like that, but eventually you started to full-on taunt each other. Everything became a competition, and you weren't about to lose.

Even friendship had become a competition, you could feel Tsukishima's glare burning a hole in you when you turned around and asked Yamaguchi for a pencil one time. Not to mention when he had caught you talking to him before class. If only he had known what kind of information Yamaguchi let slip about him.

The final straw was when the teacher called for a group project, and you immediately turned around and looked at Yamaguchi. That was too far. Tsukishima immediately snapped, "Y/n, what do you think you're doing?"

"What's the big deal?"

Tsukki met your resistance with fierce eye contact, "You're working with me."

"huh?"

Yamaguchi's face was just as shocked as yours for a second, but he quickly shook it off and asked a boy who sat near him to work with him.

You pulled up a chair to Tsukki's desk and got to work on the packet of problems you were assigned to complete during the next two classes. You remained mostly in silence, dividing the work equally, but occasionally you shared glances and raised your eyebrows as a way to taunt each other.

As you started to run out of room on your paper and move far to the right side with your writing, your hand bumped Tsukki's. You could feel your heart drop and he quickly recoiled and pulled his hand away.

When you finished your allotment of problems for the day and set your pencil down, Tsukishima quickly grabbed your paper and starting checking over your work as you followed suit, looking over his.

He sighed, setting your paper down, free off mistakes. "Wow, you aren't quite as hopeless as I thought."

"Same to you..." you returned his completed problems, "If only you were as good at volleyball as you are at calculus."

"Like you would know," he returned your banter with a fervor, a quality you caught yourself enjoying a little.

"You'd think with four eyes you'd be a little more observant..."

"What?" He grasped to understand your insinuation.

"Look harder in the student section next time."

He sat in silence, floored, now knowing you had been watching him play. Is this what he had caught you and Yamaguchi discussing before? He felt like a fool, not being able to feel your malicious gaze on the court—not even considering that you might've been there.

Little did he know, it wasn't quite malice in your heart as you watched him play.

☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾

He left without saying a word when the bell rung, and flocked straight to Yamaguchi to walk with him to practice.

They made sure to walk out of the vicinity of the classroom before Yamaguchi broke the silence, "Tsukki?"

"Yes?"

"I'm not upset that you didn't partner with me, but uh... why her? I thought you kinda hated her."

"Oh, uh... I don't know. I didn't want her to work with you."

Yamaguchi looked Tsukki in the eyes, his curiosity peaking, "Do you have a crush on her?"

Tsukishima was completely taken aback, "A crush??" He hesitated, "Yamaguchi, don't say stuff like that."

[masterlist]

[akalikai]

TMAGP EP 18 REACTION (SPOILERS)

TEDDY??? Okay no this man has shown up too many times he's going to end up back at the OIAR.

HELP ME WHAT IS THIS CONVERSATION ALSO TEDDY BISEXUAL??? But also she didn't mention Colin??

"Irritating yet faintly erotic" I LOVE YOU ALICE

"She's really weird but like in a hot way" ALICE YOU'RE DOWN SO BAD PLEASE

"She'll make you forget all about your embarrassing obsession with Sam" GIRL UR PROJECTING SO HARD THE PROTOCULE IS PROTOCULING HELLO?????

Alice my love. You're so. Hhhh. She cares so much but like. Hides it behind humor. I love you sm

Lena is so awkward god I love her she's like genuinely trying to be nice to Sam but she only knows how to be intimidating because of Gwen akdhsjfb.

My God I love Lena too "consider my silence a compliment" GIRL

"Is that it's name" LENA KELLEY YOU ARE THE FUNNIEST MOTHERFUCKER ON EARTH NO ONE KNOWS YOU LIKE I DO

AUGUSTUS???? ITS A JONAH CASE???? HOLY SHIT???? I THOUGHT WE WERE NEVER HEARING THIS OLD PRICK AGAIN

Oh my God shut up. SHUT UP. IMMEDIATELY AFTER ALICE HAD A DROWNED PERSON START TALKING TO HER. This is interesting because that person was drowned but this one seems to be dehydrated???

THE FUCKING CHANGE IN TONE DURING THE TRANSCRIPT????

Wait wait spiders??? And confusing passageway and locked doors??? Hmm interesting. I know we'd classify this as The Web and The Spiral but I don't think those classifications exist in this world?? Additionally, all the talk of "Mother" makes me this of The Web being called "The mother of puppets"

I also see a bit of The Lonely. The weird filter om "laugh" bothers me.

Sam telling Alice about this being same as her experience ALSO YES SAME HES GETTING IT "sounds like she was trapped in her greatest fear which then actually killed her"

Alice come on sweetie you really shouldn't ignore this come on. You know this.

Okay I can see why Alice and Sam didn't work out in the past. Like in a way, I just don't think they could have been compatible during the time after Alice's parents death because Alice does not handle trauma well and lashes out a bit without noticing it. I'm only saying this because I do kind of feel bad for Sam, he's trying to help Alice to keep her safe but she's shutting down every idea he has.

I do get Alice's side though, in her place, she wants to put it behind her and not think about it. But it's not good for her especially not in the genre she's in lol

"Trouble in paradise" there is ALWAYS going to be trouble in paradise with those two IN FACT I highly doubt there IS a paradise.

Oh boy. What's the next monster Gwen is gonna have to deal with.

GWEN IS TELLING THEM SHIT???? OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD I GENUINELY AM IN SHOCK. I NEVER THOUGHT SHE'D TELL THEM.

Oh no. Oh no poor Gwen, she's never going to open up to anyone again. I mean I understand them thinking she's fucking with them but Jesus. She's traumatized from that.

Okay yeah Alice my girl I love you. But you keep ignoring these things and someone you care about is going to really get hurt.

GEORGIE????? OH MY GOD WE'RE HEARING GEORGIE MY GIRLFRIEND GEORGIE OH YM GOD HOLY SHIT HOLY FUCK

JACK SOUNDS SO CUTE (who keeps taking Georgie's face) AKBDKSBF

Oh dear. Okay so I'm absolutely sure Celia woke up in the middle of bumfuck nowhere again and called Georgie to watch Jack but said that it was because she went to grab baby food. Georgie knows she's lying.

Celia I like you??? Oooo????

GEORGIE AODHAKFBSB SPYING ON HER FOR THE GOVERNMENT THATS HILARIOUS. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WOULDNT BE SPYING FOR THE MASONS.

Okay interesting interesting I just feel really bad for poor Gwen now. She's never going to trust them with anything again and she's probably going to be even worse to them. Which like they do kind of deserve but also like I get why they wouldn't believe her immediately? But they should have read the room she seemed genuinely distressed. And I think Alice knows it's real which is why she didn't say anything. But at the same time, she didn't stop Sam and I think it's partially because she wants to pretend it's not real.

Hooo boy lots to think about.

[ladespeinada]

having finished watching the bear in the early hours of the morning, i have some thoughts rattling around in my head that i need to jot down because they keep distracting me from work, lmao. spoilers under the cut 

→ i had fun! it was emotional! it was stressful! i was entertained and then i had to suppress the feelings of familial relatability brought up in ep. 6!  → MARCUS!!! TINA!!! NAT!!! EBRA!!! RICHIEEEEEEE!!!!! All going through their own shit, changing, emotional, relentless, scared, nervous. I especially loved Richie this season and he had a speech in ep. 1 that broke my heart ("I'm 45, I've been here a long time, you feel me? I mean, you know what the fuck you're doing, you know. You love all this shit. It's fun for you. I don't have that. I'm afraid imma wake up and you guys are all just gonna cut—just drop this ass.")

→ Sydney, light of my life. Her fierce ambition, so obvious and strong in S1, got tempered by doubt and distrust in her partner, by the gradual recognition that she is doing so much, too much, by herself. I don’t think it bodes well that the last shots we get of her, she’s ralphing after opening night service—after an intense kitchen set-up that tests her limits and shows who she can and cannot trust. (Giving Carmy in NY, throwing up before service vibes). And honestly? I wouldn't be mad if she really, really starts doubting her partnership with Carmy and just dips. 

→ Anyway, I came back to add that Sydney, despite her doubts and not-unfounded fears, is such a positive source for those around her. We saw it in S1, when she gave Marcus a confidence boost, when Tina sought her approval after initially being very hesitant about her. And that faith in others just increased in this season, and god, to be around someone like that, who lifts others up no matter what, is so rare. I love her so much. (And her carrying around that book the whole season! Just holding onto courage and confidence, letting it shape her leadership.) 

→ I'm so happy Natalie wasn’t relegated to glimpses this time around. She's present and focused and involved in dismantling her family’s trauma and history, and I love that for her. I also love her and Syd's relationship (them almost being synchronised in saying Carmy Problem) and her interactions with Fak, lmao. 

→ Tina at culinary school! Tina with reservations about her place but thriving and finding inspiration. There's a moment where some of the people in her class all go out, and they invite her, and when she meets them at the bar, they've all got a nasty judgemental face (it's def an age thing) but then she EATS THEM UP at karaoke with a beautiful song in English & Spanish, TINA TE ADORO. 

→ I immediately re-watched Marcus's episode and I want a spin-off series where he stages at different world-renowned bakeries and lives his best patissier life. 

→ That Variety piece that said Carmy was the least interesting character in this show was RIGHT ("It’s no coincidence that these weaker points tend to involve Carmy, a character perfectly rendered by White who’s still the least interesting part of his own show.") 

→ Speaking of: the romance between Carmy and Claire (which we all unfortunately saw happening after the trailer, and is fucking annoying, and yes part of it is because I love Syd & Carmy together, but also because the showrunners pledged no romance in the show which would have been fine, too) is BORING. So boring. I know Claire is going to get a lot of hate and honestly, it's barely fair because she's just not developed as a character at all. Beyond being someone Carmy knew in his past, and who is now stealing his time and energy away from the restaurant, there's not much to her. She's written with so little dimension, and exists purely to be Carmy's lil girlfriend and it's disappointing. She could have at least been fucking interesting. 

→ Carmy's so angry around the time of the opening, and he projects it onto everyone else, and it's really his own fault that he's not aware of what's happening in the restaurant.  → Okay so another thing—Sydney talks about how much she wants a Michelin star, how it’ll make The Bear a true destination spot. And rudely, Carmy goes, “you really want one of these bullshit stars?” to which Syd says yes, I really do, and this fucking dickhead tells her: “you’re gonna to have to care about everything, more than anything” AND HE STILL LET HER DOWN!!!!!!!! The more I think about it, the more upset I get. 

→ Also, Michael doesn't haunt the narrative the way he did last season—his presence is so faint. There's moments, of course, but it just feels like something is missing or off. I had expected some sort of sentiment to come to the surface towards the end of the season at least, some sense of acknowledgement that maybe he would have loved The Bear, or hated it, or something, from literally anyone—Carmy, Nat, Richie, someone—but nope, nothing besides the cannoli.

→ Episode 6, man. Episode fucking six. Natalie Berzatto, you deserve peace. 

→ Anyway, overall there’s a sort of bite missing in this season. The looming threat of Cicero has been softened a lot and yes, obviously internal workings at The Bear are the new obstacles but it doesn’t feel quite the same. Maybe it's a lack of tension, or a lack of anxiety? I don't know how else to explain it.

[smartalec121]

Ended up with a alternate opening/prequel/deleted scene for Chapter 15 of the fic linked below, and wanted to post it but wasn't sure where.

All I'll say is that it's part of a series, and that the Tamers and multiverse shenanigans are involved...

“What the hell was that?” Rika called out, simmering but not seething just yet.

There was something familiar about the sensation, yet it had been unrecognizable enough that Jeri couldn't quite place the sense of deja vu she was feeling. Calling the energy that Lopmon emitted a wave might even have been overselling how sudden it was, but Jeri had started tuning out Rika and Suzie's disagreement and the moment had brought her attention back to them.

“I don't know,” Suzie replied, her eyes dropping to the DigiVice and modify card in her hands.

“What do you mean you don't know?” Rika shot back, slightly raising her voice. “You did it!”

Jeri's eyes wandered to the source of the disturbance, finding Renamon kneeling down to help Lopmon stand upright again, the latter having fallen down after releasing whatever energy Suzie had given her. For a brief moment, Jeri fixated on Renamon, eventually it registering that the kitsune had her attention divided, assisting Lopmon while staring across the yard.

Jeri slowly followed Renamon's eyeline, and then immediately started staring herself. A new individual was standing there, or at least trying to with how her legs seemed to be shaking. Her blue dress and loose ponytail threw Jeri off for a moment, but she quickly started putting the pieces together.

“Rika...” Jeri said softly, to no one in particular.

“I just swiped a card!” Suzie continued.

“Which card?” Rika questioned, the both of them still focused on each other.

“Rika!” Jeri shouted, instantaneously causing Rika and Suzie's attention to snap in her direction, and the other Rika to finally lose her balance and fall on her backside.

Their Rika looked Jeri in the eye, a very reluctant understanding passing between them. Rika buried her face in her hands, ironically telegraphing the mix of emotions that were likely going through her head.

“I can't believe this is happening again,” Rika muttered, almost whining.

“Well, it is, so we have to deal with it, right?” Jeri tried to keep her tone even. The situation was already a stressful one, but she needed to be present to deal with it.

“Right...” Rika fished her cellphone out of her pocket, and started walking in the opposite direction. “I'll call the others.”

Jeri didn't give a verbal affirmation, instead looking forward again. Part of her said to just wait, that this was a problem for Henry and Hypnos to solve and that she had nothing to contribute. Looking at the scared girl wearing her friend's face, however, she knew she had to compartmentalize her self-doubts for the time being. This was her job, and she was going to see it through.

Taking a deep breath, Jeri moved across the yard. At first, this Rika only glanced at her, wide and nervous eyes seemingly more interested in her counterpart. In typical Rika fashion, she was quiet, whatever fear or confusion she was feeling only manifesting in subtle body language. While Jeri couldn't be certain if the girl was about to go into shock, she also didn't want things to get that far.

“Hello there.” Jeri drudged up a warm and friendly smile, her “customer service smile” as she occasionally caught herself referring to it as.

“Hi,” Rika replied, finally looking up at her.

“You're a little out of place here, aren't you?” Jeri crouched downward, eventually sitting and criss-crossing her legs so they could be at eye-level. “But don't worry, everything's gonna be okay.”

Rika took another look around. “Am I dead?”

“Why do you automatically jump to the worst case scenario?” Jeri felt a little bad for the disappointment that she knew had come to her face, but again, it was a very Rika thing to do.

“I'm sorry?”

Jeri refocused and smiled again. “No, it's alright. What you've been through is a bit jarring. I even passed out one of the times I made the trip.”

Rika raised an eyebrow. “What kind of trip did I make exactly?”

“Right...” Jeri paused, drumming her fingers against her chin, trying to come up with the best way to explain the situation. “Given our circumstances, can you keep an open mind?”

“I guess...” Rika eyed her cautiously.

“I'll take it!” Jeri gave a quick thumbs up. “Okay, you know how manga and comics like to play around with the idea of parallel realities, alternate timelines, and stuff like that?”

“Uh huh...”

“So, yeah, that's kinda what we're dealing with right now.” Jeri spoke calmly, fully aware of how she probably sounded to an average person. “Not exactly sure on the how just yet, but I think we accidentally pulled you into our dimension.”

Rika stayed quiet at, and then slowly looked past her. “So that's me?”

Jeri turned around, finding her Rika futzing with her cellphone. She was a terrible texter, so the fact that she wasn't just calling Takato or Henry said a bit about how many different places her thoughts must have been in.

“More or less, yeah,” Jeri explained as she turned back around, eyes lingering on the new Rika's dress and her less athletic frame. “Sometimes these alternate realities are a bit like a fun house mirror.”

“Are those Digimon?” Rika asked without a second pause.

Jeri glanced over her other shoulder, noting Suzie had moved to stand near Lopmon and Renamon, and that all three were watching them. Expressions seemed to vary amongst them, and while there did seem to be traces of guilt on Lopmon's face, curiosity seemed to be first and foremost where Suzie and Renamon were concerned.

“Yep,” Jeri answered. “Do you have them in your world?”

“Yeah, just, uh...” Rika hesitated for half a second. “They just typically don't hang around my house.”

“Right...” Jeri considered the statement, being able to gleam quite a bit from it. Not wanting to dwell but also knowing they had to push forward, she extended a hand to her friend's doppelganger. “I'm Jeri, by the way.”

“Yeah, nice to meet you...” While Rika's words weren't necessarily sarcastic, they were a bit deflated as they shook hands.

“You're still scared, aren't you?” Jeri squeezed Rika's hand, not so tightly that she couldn't pull free, but enough to reaffirm her presence.

Rika nodded. “Am I gonna be able to get home?”

Jeri paused just long enough to gather her confidence. “See your counterpart over there? She's a bit prickly, but she's also one of the best friends I've ever had, and on a good day I like to think the feeling is mutual.” Jeri noted Rika tilting her head, following her words but maybe not tracking what the point of them was. “That's just a long-winded way of me asking you to trust me, because I promise we can figure this out.”

Standing herself up, Jeri gently tugged at Rika's arm and helped her back to her feet. Her legs now steady, there was a pause as she looked Jeri over. What she was thinking, Jeri could only guess, but the fact she was calmer made Jeri feel optimistic.

“Alright...” Rika finally said as she pulled her hand free. “Since I haven't ruled out the possibility of this just being me going crazy anyway, why the hell not?”

“Again, I'll take it!” Jeri chirped, the conversation having been easier than she had anticipated. With that thought, though, another poked at the back of her mind. “Oh, real quick: Don't take anything my Rika says too personally. She's just a little...” Jeri paused, trying to dig up the most diplomatic words possible. “Well, I'm sure you'll be fine.”

“Okay?” Rika raised one more eyebrow.

Jeri decided to withhold any further comments, instead leading the girl over to meet the others. She knew this afternoon was far from over, but at least they were taking some small steps forward.

[parkersbliss]

Hello there I see your opening for requests for five I started watching the show last week and I've fallen in love with the Lil time jumper.

Can I request a one-shot where Five falls for the reader with a beautiful voice n he discovers that she's one of the 43 superpowered kids?

I love music and singing so I always thought there has to be a character who is a siren or black canary like

five out here stealing everyone’s hearts

i hope you like this I rewrote it twice 😭

Enchanting | F. Hargreeves

pairing; five hargreeves x female!siren!reader

wc; 2.3K

warnings: cursing, the handler (she’s so creepy)

synopsis: five and you meet the handler and he begins to doubt you’re telling him the truth

requests: CLOSED

a/n: did I just want a spicy kiss scene? maybe

Masterlist | Taglist | Prompt list 

—

Time froze, and you turn to Five with a confused expression. You glance around to see Luther standing in front of you and Five, bullet heading straight for him. Hazel and Cha-Cha are suspended in thin air as Klaus’ head sticks out of an ice cream truck. Now, in the time you’ve known Five, this was definitely on the bizarre side.

“Neat trick, isn’t it?” A voice spoke, appearing in front of both of you.

Five just stares at her, frown on his face, and you assume this is the infamous Handler.

“Hello, Five,” She greets. “You look good, all things considered. It’s good to see you again. Feels like we met just yesterday. Course, you were a little bit older then. Congratulations on the age regression, by the way. Very Clever. Threw us off the scent.”

Five rocks forward on his feet, hand in his pockets. “Ah, well, I wish I could take credit. I just miscalculated the time dilation projections, and well, you know. Here I am.”

“Who’s your little friend?” She asked, walking towards you.

Immediately, he puts an arm in front of you, pushing you behind him as he glares at the woman. “She’s unimportant right now.”

“She certainly seems important to you.”

“She's merely a friend who got caught up in this,” Five spoke calmly. Though there was the tiniest tint of fear in his voice. He knows you are more than capable of taking care of yourself. However, he still doesn’t like knowing that the Handler could have another advantage over him. And he certainly doesn’t like knowing you could be in danger.

The Handler sighs, accepting that’s all she was gonna get. “Why don’t you tell me what you really want?”

“I want you to put a stop to it.”

“You realize what you’re asking for is next to impossible, even for me. What’s meant to be is meant to be. That’s our raison d’être.”

“Yeah, what about survival as a raison?” Five asked, pulling out a gun and aiming at her. Your eyes widen. Where the hell did he get that thing?

“I’ll just be replaced,” The Handler shrugged. “I”m but a small cog in a machine. This fantasy you’ve been nurturing about summoning up your family to stop the apocalypse is just that, a fantasy. I must say though, we’re all quite impressed with your initiative. Your stick-to-itiveness, really quite… quite something. Which is why we want to offer you a new position back at the commission, in management.”

Your jaw drops at that. There was no way they wanted Five back, right? You didn’t know much about his history there, but you seriously doubted betrayal was rewarded.

“Sorry, what’s that now?” Five questiones, just as shocked as you are.

The Handler smiles. “Come back to work for us again. You know it’s where you belong.”

“Well,” Five clicks his tongue. “It didn’t work out too well the last time.”

“But you wouldn’t be in the correction division any longer. I”m talking about the home office. You’d have the best health and pension and an end to this ceaseless travel.” She takes a few more steps forward, and you feel threatened as Five pushes you back more.

“You’re a distinguished professional in schoolboy shorts. We have the technology to reverse the process. I mean, you… you can’t be happy like this!”

“I’m not looking for happy,” Five said simply, and your heart aches at that.

The Handler steps in front of him, placing a hand on his cheek, and that’s your last straw.

“We’re all looking for happy. We can make that happen. We can make you yourself again,” She said. When her hand doesn’t move, your eyes flash green, and you whisper something low under your breath, almost like you’re singing, and her hand falls.

She looks at you with a sickening grin. “My, my, my. What do we have here?”

“I’d advise you to step away from us before I do a lot worse,” You sneer.

She takes a step back, a smug smile on her face, and if you really wanted to, you’d slap it right off.

“Where did you come from, little one?” Her attention is now directed at you, and the look on her face makes your stomach flip.

“Leave her out of this!” Five shouts, stepping in front of you again. “Finish your deal.”

“Aw,” The Handler pouts, placing a hand on her heart. “She has you under your spell, doesn’t she?”

You scoff. Oh, this lady really wanted to see what you were capable of, huh?

Five says nothing, just glares at her. “If I come back, what about my family?”

“What about them?”

“I want them to survive.”

“All of them?” She questions.

“Yes, all of them,” Five said, clearly annoyed.

“Under one condition.”

“What?” Five barks, lowering his gun.

“The girl also comes with,” She sticks her hand out. “Do we have a deal?”

Five glances back at you, and though you don’t even want him to take the deal in the first place, you trust him. Though, if you really wanted to, it was easy enough to make The Handler change her mind, but it was only temporary, so she would find her way back.

Five hesitates, scared at the prospect of bringing you to the place he once worked. There was so much that could go wrong, so much that could take you away from him. But he doesn't have much of a choice, and he has a plan.

It'll work. Five grabs her hand and yours. “Deal.”

She smiles, and in a flash of blue light, you’re gone.

The Handler takes her sweet time showing off the commission and explaining Five’s new job. It honestly bores the hell out of you, and at one point, you debate enchanting her to just finish up, but you can tell Five knows what you’re gonna do because he shakes his head.

She hands Five his first case, smiling in that fake sweet way of hers before turning to you. “And I’d like you to follow me.”

“Woah, woah, woah,” Five said. “I don’t think so.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know what you’re gonna do with her.”

“Oh, relax. I just want to see the extent of her abilities. She could be of good use here.”

Five’s jaw hardens at that. The thought of you working here? Absolutely not. After the hell he’s been through, he wouldn’t want that for anyone and especially not you. And he knew The Handler, and even despite your powers, he wouldn’t be shocked if she found a way to use you against him. The thought alone put him on edge. But then your voice echoes in his head. “Trust me.”

And he begrudgingly agrees. “But if you lay one hand on her, I will personally see to it that this entire building is burnt to ashes with you in the center.”

The Handler just chuckles before leading you away and to what you assume is her office. She gestures for you to sit in one of the grand chairs across from her desk, and you do.

“And your name?”

“(Y/N).”

“My,” The Handler sighs. “Your voice is quite captivating, isn’t it?”

“So I’ve been told.”

She reaches a hand out, tracing your delicate features. “And extraordinarily beautiful.”

You back away from her touch, a little uncomfortable. She really has no concept of personal space, does she?

“If I assume correctly, same birthday as the others?”

“October 1st, 1989.”

“And, yet you look the same age as that boy. No older than 18.”

You just shrug, staring at the wall of collectibles behind her. “You said it yourself, extraordinarily beautiful. I age slower, I guess.”

She hums in thought, her eyes tracing over your features, and you shift in your seat. “What do you want?”

“You,” she said simply. “I want you to work for us. You and Five, here at the commission! You are of great value, dear. Tell me, what else can you do?”

You figure there’s no harm in telling her, assuming Five gets you both out of here in the next hour or two. “Mind control, enhanced balance, agility, senses, and reflexes.”

“Interesting,” The Handler hums. “And how does it work?”

“I just sing what I want, and it happens. It’s like a voice in their head they can’t ignore.”

“Who would ignore a voice like that?” She sighs.

You’re, of course, used to it. That still didn’t make it any less weird, considering she was the enemy.

“And Five?” She asked.

You narrow your eyes. “What about him?”

“Oh please,” She dismissed. “The poor boys whipped for you. Was that your own doing?”

You scoff at that. Of course, she would accuse you of such a thing. Your powers were a gift, sure. But you didn’t use them for your own selfish needs. God, you’d never use them on someone like that. At that point, would it be worth it? You’d have to live with the guilt of knowing they never really loved you or whatever. Not that Five loved you or anything. You liked each other, yes. But you weren’t quite sure you’d say love yet.

“No,” You said simply. Your patience was growing thinner by the minute, and you really hoped Five had a plan.

“Tell you what,” The Handler starts, standing up. “Why don’t I show you towards the training rooms? You can get familiar, meet some friends, and then I’ll take you back to Five for lunch.”

You know that there isn’t really an option here, so you just agree and follow her out.

…

You yelp when a hand grabs you by the waist and drags you inside the bathroom.

“What the he—”

“Relax, it’s me,” Five said, turning your around in his arms.

You slap him on the arm. “You can’t just do that!”

He gives you his classic smirk. “Well, I did.” He opens a stall door, “After you.”

You glare at him but follow inside anyway. You can tell by the file in his hand this was something important. Five slips past you, locking the stall and sitting on the closed toilet.

“So, what did you find?” You asked, arms crossed and gesturing to the file in his hand.

However, he avoids your gaze, staring at the floor instead. “I have to ask you something.”

You raise an eyebrow, hoping he can’t see the fear on your face. Nothing good ever came after those words. What if he wanted you to stay here? What if he thought you were no good anymore? Could this really be it?

“Is it real?”

You furrow your brows. “Is what real?”

“The way I feel towards you.”

“You mean—”

“Do I love you, (Y/N)? Or is this all in my head because you’re…. you?”

Your eyes widen, heart dropping to the floor. Firstly, Five did love you, and secondly, he wasn’t even sure it was real. Which hurt a lot more than you thought. You understand that maybe he just wants that reassurance but isn’t it bad enough that he has to ask? That he doesn’t think his own feelings towards you are real?

“I knew you had powers, but I never stopped to consider what they are. I mean, you’re one of us! The 43 kids, who’s to say I’m not some mission to you?”

You’re shocked but the sudden outburst. Five already knew most of this. He knew you could hypnotize people. Why the sudden change?

Although, you have your suspicions that only one person was responsible for this. But before you could reply, the door opens, and heels click against the floor.

Speak of the fucking devil. “So, how’s your first day going?”

In an instant, Five grabs your wrist and harshly tugs you into him. You fall into his arms, trying not to gasp in surprise.

“Couldn’t be better,” Five said through gritted teeth.

You spare a glance at him, hiding your burning face.

“Glad to hear it.”

The sound of a skirt falling to the floor echoes through the bathroom, and then the sound of someone using the bathroom. Five makes a face of disgust and annoyance as you bury your face in his shoulder, trying not to laugh.

“Ah, I burned my rugae. Ever burn your rugae? Rugae. The ridges on the hard palate that helps pass food to the esophagus. Anyways, I’m on a liquid diet for two days, hence the marathon of urination. One faulty cog and nothing works as it would.”

Five just clicks his tongue as you shake against him, laughing silently. This had to be perfect timing.

“You must know we value integrity at the office about all else. Trust is essential, and that trust is… built over time. But in the vent of a breach, the commission will act swiftly and without mercy. An efficient I’m sure you above all people can appreciate, Number Five.”

The stall door closes, and the sound of running water is heard.

“I’m feeling peckish. Have you had your lunch?” The Handler questions. Her heels turn in your direction and you start to panic.

“Not yet,” Five answered as her heels stop right in front of your stall, and you look at Five with wide eyes.

And then, in one quick movement, you grab him by his neck and smash your lips onto his. He reciprocated quickly, his hands tangling in your hair.

“Great! How would you like to lunch with me in my office? You can eat solid foods, and I can live vicariously—,” She gasped at the sight of you and Five, basically with your tongues down each other's throats. This confirms your suspicions that this lady was a creep, and looked over the stall.

“My apologies,” She said. “See you for lunch!”

And with that, she left.

Though you didn’t notice, as your lips continued to find his. Eventually, though, he stops.

He pants heavily, a frown on his face. “Is it all a lie?”

You shake your head, leaning your forehead against his. “No, no, it isn’t. Everything you feel is real. If you love me, then you really love me.”

“It’s not the sound of your beautiful voice and your gorgeous face?”

You chuckle, “No. No, I promise, Five. This is real.”

He closes his eyes, leaning into your touch. “You didn’t say it back yet.”

Your lips find his once more, mumbling a sweet “I love you too” against his lips.

-- END --

[wanderinginksplot]

Riye (A Favor) - Alpha-17/f!Reader fic

Previous | Next | Masterlist

Third installment of my Alpha-17/fem!reader fic!

Word-Count: 3,100

Warnings: aggressive flirtation, Alpha is rude.

---

You carefully straightened the neckline of your shirt, eyes on the refresher mirror. It might be silly, but today marked a full month since you had come to Kamino, and you wanted to look your best.

Your outfit had survived the morning, despite a meeting with several Kaminoans who wanted updates on your progress. You had been able to deliver good news - that you were right on schedule - but a sense of doubt overshadowed any triumph you might have felt. The first deadline had been met, but the next one promised to step up the workload, and you were already feeling overwhelmed at the idea.

Still, you were determined to push the negativity out of your mind. You would figure out a better schedule to complete the work later. Today was a celebration.

The bad thing about taking more care with your appearance was that it attracted more attention than usual from the cadets. You had politely turned away two different groups of young men by the time Alpha was due to arrive in the cafeteria. Another cadet - alone, this time - was doing his best to keep from being dismissed as well.

"Was it raining when you came in, ma’am?" he asked, leaning over you. "I have flight drills after this and it gets even more dangerous in the rain."

You did your best not to smile at the obvious way he was hinting about being a pilot. "You know, I think it was raining the last time I was near a window," you told him, voice grave.

"Then I'm going to need some luck to survive," he said dramatically, flashing you a smile he clearly hoped would be charming. "I've heard a kiss from a beautiful woman is a good start. What do you think? It might help me survive the afternoon."

"I wouldn't count on it," a dark voice warned.

The cadet stood as straight as possible as Alpha approached. The captain brushed your new pilot friend aside with a twist of his armored shoulders and sat down. He proceeded to start eating, ignoring the cadet completely.

Any other cadet would have backed away, thankful that Alpha hadn't decided to throw them directly into the oceans of Kamino, but this one was more determined than most.

He winked at you from behind Alpha's head. "By the way, my name is-"

"She doesn't want to know your name," Alpha told him. "Get out of here before I decide that I want to know it."

"Very flattering, Captain," the cadet said cheekily. "But Jango's face isn't the one I want to wake up to, yeah?"

Alpha swallowed his mouthful of food and deliberately set his fork aside, standing slowly from the table. He drew up to his full height before turning around. He was taller than the cadet, forcing the younger man to look up.

"Now I'm extremely interested," Alpha said slowly, his slow and methodical voice dripping with menace. "What's your designation?"

Behind him, you winced. You hated how glaringly obvious it was that the Kaminoans considered these men products. Also, this cadet might die in front of you and that would almost certainly ruin your ability to eat in the cafeteria anymore.

"CT-7115," the cadet said with a grin.

"Ah, part of Zackra Trem's group." Alpha raised his comlink. "Trem."

"Alpha," a female voice returned immediately.

"I've got one of your pilot cadets here in the cafeteria. 7115."

"Broadside," Trem said, clearly recognizing the number. "He's one of my best, Alpha. Don't break him too badly."

"No promises," Alpha replied, turning slightly back toward Broadside. Since you were seated directly behind Alpha, you couldn't see his expression yourself, but it was enough to make Broadside's grin slip for the first time.

"I'll make you a deal," Trem offered. "I'll give him hell here and then send him back to you tonight. I'm sure he could help you demonstrate something unpleasant to your ARCs."

Alpha considered that for a long moment while Broadside shifted uncomfortably. Eventually, he conceded, "That works."

Trem laughed. "Do I even wanna know what he did to you?"

"Harassed an uninterested female."

The laughter emanating from the comlink's speakers cut off abruptly. "In that case, I think we should coordinate punishments. I'll be in touch, Captain."

The transmission cut off suddenly and Alpha looked at Broadside once more. "You had best get to your training, son."

Broadside, looking suddenly concerned, nodded and hurried away. “What was that?” you asked quietly when Alpha had sat down across from you once more.

“I told his superior officer about his behavior.”

“What more than that?” you pressed.

Alpha grinned suddenly, and it was half a snarl. “It just so happens that his superior officer is Zackra Trem. It’s not my story to tell, but she’s got more reason than most to hate that kind of osik behavior.”

You could very well guess the rest of that story. Your heart twisted for Trem, though you had never met her. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Nice, but she wouldn’t appreciate the sentiment,” Alpha told you, not unkindly. “Feel sorry for your little pilot. She’s a Weequay who ran with Mandalorians for the past few decades. Whatever she makes him do, it won’t be pleasant.”

You chuckled at that, trying not to actually feel sorry for Broadside. In the time you had been hanging around Alpha, most of the cadets had eased up a bit on flirting, but every now and then, someone crossed the line.

Alpha picked his fork up again and shot you an intense look. “Why are you dressed like that?”

Though your immediate instinct was to be embarrassed about being overdressed, even mildly, you rolled your eyes at him. “Anything looks like too much when everyone else wears uniforms all of the time. Remember that day I wore a necklace?”

“Yeah, I remember,” Alpha said, snorting. “A necklace. What are you, a Senator?”

“Your ideas of fancy clothing are extremely skewed, I hope you know that,” you told him, adjusting your collar again.

“Hazards of the job,” Alpha replied with a casual shrug as he returned his focus to his food. “Looks okay, though.”

You paused, staring openly at him. Had Alpha just complimented you? Surely not… The universe wouldn’t survive such unexpected behavior, not without signs that space was collapsing in on itself.

Alpha noticed you watching him and lifted an eyebrow in question while he chewed. You just shook your head and applied yourself to your own lunch, avoiding his curious eyes. Explaining your thought process there would be an intensive effort, especially if your goal was to keep him from being uncomfortable.

Fortunately, avoiding Alpha’s eyes let you notice the approaching cadet sooner than your companion did, and you had time to brace yourself before the young man - even younger than you were used to seeing - opened his mouth.

“Excuse me-”

“Kriff,” Alpha said loudly, dark brows crashing down over his eyes. “Go away, kid. I’ve already ruined one cadet’s day and I have no problem adding to the list. She doesn’t want to talk to you.”

“N-no, sir, of course not,” the cadet told him, nodding respectfully at you as he went on. “I wanted to talk to you. Is it true you served with General Kenobi?”

"What?" Alpha asked, sounding uncertain for the first time since you had met him. You quirked your brows, unsure of whether to be amused or concerned.

"General Kenobi," the cadet repeated. "And General Skywalker, too! I heard you went on a mission with both of them. What was it like?"

"Look, kid, I don't have time to answer all your questions about Jedi-"

"That's fine!" the cadet told him. "I already know everything there is to know about the Jedi. I want to know more about your experience, specifically."

The muscles in Alpha's jaw flexed and you quickly interrupted. "What's your name?"

"Dogma, ma'am," the cadet told you, making an apologetic face. "I know names are against regulations, but my batchers won't stop calling me that. My designation is CT-4287."

“Nice to meet you, Dogma,” you said politely.

Dogma's cheeks darkened and he gave a tight nod. "You too, ma'am."

"Stop flirting with the poor boy," Alpha chided and you gaped at the captain. So much for trying to help him.

"Dogma, I'm sure Captain Alpha would love to answer any question you have," you told the young cadet, grinning triumphantly at Alpha.

"Wait," Alpha ordered, catching at your wrist before you could stand up. His hand was ridiculously huge and you found yourself shackled by his gentle grip. "You haven't finished eating."

You grinned wider at him, slipping your wrist out from between his fingers. "I'll take it with me. Have fun, you two!"

Dogma gave a half-hearted wave while Alpha glared.

---

The rest of the afternoon was spent locked away in your office, working on the second major project you had to complete. Your concerns about the deadline were unfortunately proving correct. The icy grip of stress and fear were squeezing your heart, and you were honestly relieved when someone knocked on the door of your office.

“One moment!” you called to the unseen visitor, but they didn’t seem to hear you. Instead, they continued to pound on the door until you opened it. You were unsurprised to see Alpha on the other side, glowering down at you.

“You’re mean for a nat-born,” he grumbled, brushing you aside as he pushed into the office.

After letting the door slide closed once more, you followed him over to your desk and plopped down in your chair. Rather than sit in one of the chairs opposite you, Alpha leaned his hip against the side of your desk, much closer than you were comfortable with.

In a show of belligerence, you crossed your arms and lifted your chin as you replied, “Serves you right for being rude about my outfit.”

“I didn’t say anything bad about your clothes!” Alpha denied, befuddled.

“Yeah, well, you didn’t say anything nice about them, either,” you argued childishly, conveniently forgetting his half-compliment at lunch.

Alpha frowned. “You want me to… talk about clothing with you?”

Well. Put that way, it did sound a little silly. Of all of the things you were sure Alpha did well, deep discussions about fashion might be beyond him. Honestly, they might be beyond you, too. You sighed. “No, I don’t want you to talk about clothing with me, but I was trying to look nice today. I put a lot of effort into this.”

“I don’t understand why,” Alpha said. “You look… fine… every other day.”

“Fine,” you repeated dryly. “Thanks, I was going for fine.”

“I don’t understand what I did wrong.” You were able to hear the growing frustration in his voice. “What do you want me to do?”

“Maybe don’t act like I’m wearing a ballgown to work if I show up wearing a necklace!”

“What is a ballgown?”

You stared at Alpha, the simple question making your brain screech to a halt. It was like a chasm had opened between you, and it made you reconsider a few things. Since you had arrived on Kamino, you had treated the clone troopers as if they were people you might meet out in the galaxy, but that wasn’t exactly true. You still believed that they were people - of course you did - but you were only just coming to realize how different they were from anyone you had ever met. While the troopers shared their own experiences on Kamino and had been trained to be perfect soldiers by the time they shipped out, they were startlingly young by the standards of the rest of the galaxy.

“You know what? It doesn’t matter.” You fiddled with one of the many datapads littering your desk rather than meet Alpha’s intense gaze. “I am sorry for siccing Dogma on you, though.”

“You should be,” he growled. “He asked ten questions before I could shake him off. Ten!”

“Wow, that’s what? Five days worth of questions?” you teased.

“Five days for you,” Alpha told you seriously. “For anyone else, that’s more than I would ever answer.”

You were unreasonably touched by the reminder that Alpha let you learn things about him that no one else would ever know. Moved by a sudden surge of warmth for the ARC captain, you repeated your prior sentiment, but more fervently. “In that case, I honestly apologize for unleashing Dogma. If there’s anything I can do to make him back off, please let me know.”

Alpha’s stare was level and unwavering. “Yeah?”

“Of course,” you agreed immediately, not understanding what a wildly stupid idea that was. That was fine - you would learn… and it didn’t take long.

That night at dinner, Alpha came in and sat across from you, but instead of starting the meal in silence, he leaned across the table slightly to get your attention. Lowly, he asked, “Are you still willing to help me with Dogma?”

“Yes,” you agreed simply. “Do you have a plan?”

“Yeah. Flirt with me.”

You fought not to react visibly to that. Carefully keeping your face blank and your voice flat, you replied, “What.”

He leaned even closer, eyes lit with excitement. “I’ve been threatening and trying to alienate Dogma all day, but the only time he was uncomfortable was when you flirted with him.”

“I didn’t flirt with him!” you reminded him. “I just said it was nice to meet him.”

“Fine,” Alpha conceded. “We’ll just have to do better than that if we’re going to convince him to leave me alone.”

Abruptly feeling like this was the worst idea anyone had ever had, you tried to speak in your own defense. “Alpha, I don’t think this is a good idea-”

“You said you would help me,” he reminded firmly. “He’ll be here in a minute. I need your answer.”

Your heart was pounding, one of many warnings that this was a bad idea, but you nodded anyway. Alpha smiled - he actually smiled - and the expression looked menacing on his face. “Good.”

In a moment, he had circled the table to sit beside you, his huge frame making you feel ridiculously tiny in comparison. He wasn't wearing any armor at all now, and you could feel the heat of his skin through what little space there was between you.

You tried not to obviously tense as he spoke next to your ear. "There he is, get ready."

Impossibly, Alpha managed to get closer to you, tugging behind your knee slightly so that you were angled toward him. When he had finished posing you, Alpha’s large hand lifted to cradle your face. His fingers brushed over your cheekbone before trailing down to your jaw.

"My little neverd," he murmured to you, face filled with affection.

You didn't have to feign embarrassment at the warmth in his tone matched with the intense eye contact he was giving you. When you replied, you tried not to sound squeaky but only managed to sound shaky instead. "You know Mando'a is my weakness."

He laughed, a low chuckle that sent delicious chills running over your skin. “Why do you think I use it?”

“Alpha…” you chided, managing to sound mildly flirtatious.

“Come on, little one,” he urged you, voice velvet in a way you hadn’t known it could be. “Let’s go back to your- Ah, one moment, neverd. Dogma, sit down.”

You looked over to see Dogma standing at the other side of the table. You had never even noticed, your entire focus narrowed down to Alpha. Dogma looked as embarrassed as you felt. While you were focused on Dogma, Alpha’s arm snaked around you, pressing against your waist to pull you flush against his side. Your face flamed and Dogma glanced away.

“Sir, I- I’m sorry, I forgot I’m on duty tonight,” Dogma muttered, speaking so quickly it was difficult to understand him.

“Sorry to hear that, cadet,” Alpha replied gravely, flexing his fingers against your side. It made you push a little closer to him in reflex, the tip of your nose brushing the space under his jaw as you tried to look up at him. Alpha shivered, and you weren’t sure how much of the motion was acting. “Maybe later.”

Dogma gave an awkward nod and hurried off.

Alpha started laughing even before he let you go, his muscular chest shaking against your shoulder. After a moment that felt like it had stretched an hour, he pulled his arm back and slid away a bit. You immediately felt the loss of his closeness and suddenly you were horribly uncertain of what expression you were wearing. Just in case it said more than you wanted it to, you looked back at the entrance of the cafeteria.

“I feel bad,” you admitted.

"Don't," Alpha advised, looking toward the door as well. “He’ll be fine. He’s a good soldier, just a little…”

He trailed off, apparently content to let his thought stay incomplete. You glanced over to him with an eyebrow raised, but his eyes were fixed on the door. “You can see every access point in the room from here.”

“That is why I chose this spot,” you agreed.

“Switch with me tomorrow.”

“Not a chance,” you refused. “This is my spot.”

“Then I hope you like sitting next to me,” Alpha told you. Surprised, you laughed up at him and he met your eyes. “You know, I’ve never seen anyone blush on cue.”

“Hidden talent,” you explained vaguely. Alpha didn’t seem convinced, so you changed the subject. “What does neverd mean?”

“Civilian.”

You laughed before you could stop yourself. “Civilian? That’s what you used as a term of endearment?”

Alpha blinked blankly at you. “What’s wrong with it? You are a civilian.”

“Yes, but,” you thought over it for a second, “-it’s not very romantic. Usually, people say things like ‘dear’ or ‘sweetheart’.”

“How should I have known that?” Alpha asked.

It was the ballgown situation all over again, and more than you were willing to tackle that day. “Well, some warning before you want me to go undercover would be helpful.”

Alpha snorted. “How much warning do you need?”

You pretended to consider that for a moment. “Two business days, minimum.”

He frowned fiercely. “If you get two full days of warning, I expect more. I need you to show up in a disguise with three different accents ready.”

“Harsh terms,” you told him with a smile. “With those negotiation skills, you’d make a great senator."

Alpha gave you the darkest scowl you had ever seen him muster. “Watch it, neverd.”

Idly, you wondered if Alpha would protect you from himself, but the amused glimmer in his dark eyes told you it would be unnecessary.

---

A/N - Pretty sure Broadside is wildly OOC, my bad. Also, sorry for the weird image for this chapter. I didn't really want the text bubbles in there, but I needed to keep Alpha's sassy hip lean.

Taglist - @imabeautifulbutterfly @cagrame @mysticalturtleenthusiast @marvel-starwars-nerd @lackofhonor

[helloalycia]

teenage dirtbag [three] // wanda maximoff

summary: Wanda's boyfriend continues to be an aggravation in your life, causing some distance between you and Wanda

warning/s: none

author's note: i really appreciate the feedback you guys gave in the last part – it’s always motivating to read your reactions/comments 🥰

part one | part two | part four | part five | masterlist | wattpad

Sorting things out with Wanda made everything return to normal in no time. So much in fact that she decided I was worth inviting to her and her brother's birthday party.

Never in a million years did I expect the most popular girl in our grade to know who I was, let alone invite me to her birthday party, so to say I was surprised was an understatement.

"It's not a big deal if you can't make it," she said when she handed me the invitation in class. "I mean, I'd love it if you could, but yeah, no pressure."

I was in awe, accepting the invite and reading it quickly. It must have been a pretty expensive party if she was giving out special invites, that's for sure.

"You want me to come?" I asked, still unsure whether this was a joke or not.

"Only if you want to," she said quickly, eyes darting around the room and anywhere but at me. "Like I said, you don't have to. It's not a big deal and– I– yeah." She pressed her lips together and stopped rambling, offering me a small smile.

"Thanks," I said quietly, slotting the invite in my notebook. "I'll, er, I'll think about it."

She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and faced forward, nodding. "Yeah, sure, no rush."

After that awkward conversation, I discovered she'd also invited Y/BF/N, the two of them developing a little friendship the more she'd hung out with me. He didn't mind going, but only wanted to do so if I went.

"I feel like I kinda don't wanna go," I admitted to him after school as we were studying in the library.

"Oh?" He rose an eyebrow. "And why's that?"

I played with the pencil in my hand. "I don't know, it's just– it's gonna be full of all of her other friends. And they don't really like me. Plus, her dick of a boyfriend is gonna be there. I just think she might have invited me to be nice. Like she might have felt like she had to because we sit together, y'know?"

"I think you know that isn't true," he said knowingly. "Maybe, just maybe, she actually wants us there, wants you there, to celebrate her birthday."

I chewed the inside of my mouth, giving it some thought. But the idea of going to Wanda's house party and seeing a bunch of people I didn't care about getting pissed wasn't comforting. Besides, even if I went, I'd probably see Wanda once before she'd get scooped away by Nate. What was the point?

"Nah, I don't think I'm going," I decided. "She won't notice. I'll just get her a present instead."

Y/BF/N sighed, clearly not impressed with my answer. Nonetheless, he said, "Okay, suit yourself."

"You can go if you want," I added, knowing his presence wasn't linked with mine.

"No Y/N, no party," he said with a dismissive shrug, and I couldn't help but smile.

"Such a good friend," I said teasingly, but there was truth to my words. And I knew he knew that. 

When I saw photos and videos of Wanda and Pietro's party all over my social media the day after, I knew I'd made the right choice in not going. It was the same visuals of everyone getting drunk, doing stupid shit and making a mess. Call me a loser, but that wasn't really my scene. Pietro and Wanda both seemed to enjoy it though, judging from the pictures.

Instead, I bought her a birthday present, knowing I didn't have to but I kind of wanted to, and planned to give it to her when she turned up to class. It was her birthday today, despite throwing the party over the weekend, so I hoped it would make up for my absence (thought I doubted she noticed).

She showed up and settled beside me as I was writing the date in my notebook, making me look up to see she'd made an extra effort to dress up for her birthday, looking fancier than usual. I couldn't help but smile at the giant '18' birthday badge pinned to her jacket.

"Happy birthday, Wanda," was the first thing I said when I saw her. "You look amazing."

A bashful smile appeared on her lips. "Thank you, Y/N."

"I hope your party went well," I said, giving her my full attention whilst trying not to drool over how beautiful she looked.

Surprisingly, her smile faded and her eyebrows knitted together. "Yeah, it did... could you not make it? I tried looking for you and– yeah..."

I opened my mouth to speak, admittedly a little embarrassed that she'd caught me out. I was sure she wouldn't notice – the pictures made it seem like there were loads of guests, I'd definitely have blended in if I were there – but clearly I was mistaken.

"I just thought–" she began, before shaking her head. "Never mind."

"Sorry, I thought–" I started, but like her, didn't know what to say. "Parties aren't my thing," I admitted truthfully. "But it looked fun. You enjoyed it, right?"

She nodded, a small forced smile on her lips. "Yeah, right. It's cool. No biggie."

I swallowed awkwardly. It seemed like a biggie and now I felt bad.

"I, er, got you a gift," I blurted, hoping to change the subject. Reaching into my backpack, I pulled out the terribly wrapped present and held it out nervously. "I hope you, er, like it."

Her eyebrows raised as her eyes flickered between the present and I. "Oh? You didn't have to. I wasn't expecting anything."

Was it hot in here or was it just me?

I pulled my collar away from my neck, hoping to circulate some air. "I wanted to. It's not a big deal."

She accepted the gift, fingers brushing mine and making me even more nervous, before opening it up. Her eyes sparkled with delight as she revealed a brand new leather paintbrush carry case.

"The one you always carry around is tattered and falling apart, so I thought I'd get you a new one," I explained, feeling like I had to. "I mean, unless the other one has some sort of sentimental value, then in that case, I can just return this."

"Are you kidding? I love it!" she exclaimed, looking to me with a grin. "It's beautiful, Y/N. I don't even know what else to say."

My shoulders relaxed, a relieved smile tugging at my lips. "Good. Th-that's good. I'm glad you like it."

Without warning, she moved forward off her stool and wrapped her arms around my shoulders, pulling me in for a hug. I was startled, unable to think straight with her body pressed so close to mine and her floral perfume wafting into my nose. Why did she have to smell so good?

"Thank you," she muttered, pulling away but not quite letting go. Her eyes were glowing as they watched me carefully, accompanying her weak-in-the-knees smile. I was sure I'd melt. "It means a lot."

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak for fear I'd say something stupid. I resisted the urge to look down at her lips, which were pulled into a small, appreciative smile. She let go of me, looking to the case again and unravelling it. I caught my breath meanwhile, my senses still on override as her perfume lingered.

She was just so damn beautiful.

—

"Okay, how about this – robotic or organic aliens. Which would you rather invade our planet?" Y/BF/N asked.

I chuckled at his question. "Definitely haven't thought about that one, but let's see..."

We were hanging in the bleachers out near the football field as we waited for football practice to end. Y/BF/N had a Film project to do and needed to film the field, so I offered to help like the good friend I was.

"Probably organic," I answered as I balanced on the bleachers, standing up and tiptoeing down them like steps. "At least we could reason with them if they tried to kill us because they'd have a conscience. Robotic aliens would just be programmed to take over and that's it."

Y/BF/N seemed against the idea as he played with his camera. "Yeah, but if they were robotic, all we'd have to do is launch a missile at them and they'd explode. You can break metal. It's harder to break organic matter."

I stifled a laugh. "You've given this much thought, I see."

He gave me a knowing look. "You telling me you don't think aliens exist?"

I stopped tiptoeing and stood still as I looked down at him with humoured eyes. "You know I know aliens exist."

He waved his hand like that was enough reasoning. "There you go then!"

I laughed, wondering how he thought of this stuff, then continued to balance as I walked down the bleachers. Probably the wrong choice as when I heard a voice call me, I looked up, saw it was Wanda, then proceeded to miss a step and fall onto my arse.

"Oh God, Y/N, are you okay?" she asked, moving forward to help me.

My face heated up as Y/BF/N laughed his arse off beside me. I accepted Wanda's hand and let her pull me up, before letting go immediately when I could handle it myself. Her presence always made me nervous, but this was just terrible.

"Yeah, I'm good," I said, glancing at her and freezing at her piercing gaze and suppressed smile.

"You sure?" she asked, glancing at Y/BF/N, before trying to hide her own laughter.

Fuck me, why was I such a mess whenever she was around?

"Very sure," I said, though my back began to ache from where I hit it. "What's up, anyway?"

Y/BF/N finally shut up, to my relief, and Wanda minimised her laughter before scratching her head.

"I'm waiting for practice to end so I can take Pietro home," she said, nodding to the field. "I saw you both sat here and thought I'd say hi. Are you guys watching practice?"

"Not really," I answered, before tilting my head to Y/BF/N. "We're just waiting for it to end so Y/BF/N can film for his project."

"Ooh, that sounds interesting," she said, intrigued and looking to him now. "What's that about?"

As he caught her up on it, I found myself checking Wanda out without realising. She was animated as she listened to Y/BF/N talk about his assignment, eyes giving him all of her attention, and a permanent smile was fixed on her lips as she listened to him. Though it wasn't directed at me, I felt butterflies swirling a storm in my stomach and clutched it, hoping they'd go away. I loved and hated the feeling all at once.

Breaking me from my reverie, a football flew past all three of us and hit the bleachers, startling us all. We looked in the direction it came from and saw the football team looking back at us, some laughing and some disgruntled. Two players ran towards us and when they got close enough, I made them out as Pietro and Nate.

Nate was laughing as he looked between us all, before his gaze fell on me. "It's Y/N, right? I feel like I'm always throwing that thing at you. Sorry about that."

But his constant laughing and lack of guilt refuted his words. I merely clenched my jaw and narrowed my eyes his way, not that he seemed to care nor notice. I was a mere fly in a world that revolved around him. He'd never notice.

"Babe, I'm sorry, I didn't even know you were over here," he added, looking to Wanda. "You okay?"

Wanda crossed her arms and seemed frustrated. "I'm fine, Nate. Just get your ball."

He shrugged and grabbed his ball. Before leaving, he pressed a kiss to Wanda's cheek which made me wince, but she made no attempt in enjoying it. He didn't seem to care as he took off running back to his team. Pietro smiled apologetically at the three of us.

"I'm sorry," he said genuinely. "He can be such a dick sometimes."

That was the understatement of the century.

With that, he turned and ran back to his team to finish up. Wanda sighed, running a hand through her hair, as Y/BF/N and I exchanged glances.

"I should get the car running," she said awkwardly, pointing a thumb over her shoulder and towards the car park. "Good luck with your assignment, Y/BF/N. And I'll see you tomorrow, Y/N."

Waving goodbye with an awkward smile, I watched her leave and wondered the same thing I always did whenever Nate decided to make an appearance in my life.

How could she be dating such a dick?

—

Apart from the birthday party I didn't go to, I'd never been invited (or had a reason to go) to Wanda's house. I'd seen it, rode my bike past it, but never actually been in it. So, when she invited me to her place to work on a project we'd been assigned in class, I was unsure how to feel. She was adamant though and I had no reason to say no, so the only thing left to do was say yes. Even when she offered to drive me there after school.

"This is your car?" I asked with disbelief.

I knew absolutely nothing about cars, but I wasn't blind. Hers was a gorgeous deep red colour with a convertible roof that was currently lowered so anyone in it would feel the sun on their back and wind in their hair.

"Yeah, you like it?" she asked as she got into the driver's seat.

I gulped and sat in the passenger's seat, throwing my backpack at my feet. "It's so nice. You sure you don't mind me drinking in this?"

I had a Pepsi bottle in my hand and was deathly afraid of opening it now in case I spilt it and the cleaning bill would be more than I made in a year at the pizza parlour.

She laughed, already pulling out of the car park. "Of course. Don't be silly."

I glanced in her direction, trying not to get distracted by how good she looked in the driver's seat. She was wearing a red leather jacket, funnily enough, matching the exterior of her car, and she had dark eyeliner around her eyes, accentuating the shape and colour of them and leaving me speechless whenever she looked my way.

"There's CDs in the glove compartment," she was saying as she focused on the road. "Or you can mess around with the radio. It's up to you."

"CDs?" I asked, it piquing my interest. I reached into the glove compartment, adding, "What is this, the 2000s?"

She rolled her eyes playfully, accepting my teasing, as I flicked through the small stack of albums.

"I don't know, I guess I just like having the physical version," she said with a shrug. "It's kind of like a collection."

I chuckled at her need to explain herself, watching the way she rubbed her neck nervously, smiling with embarrassment. Looking back to the albums, a particular one grabbed my attention and I plucked it out with raised brows.

"Oh my God, you like Paramore?" I asked, looking to her with surprise. "Now it's definitely the 2000s."

Her cheeks flushed as she grew flustered. I nudged her in the side gently, getting her attention briefly.

"I'm kidding," I reassured, tilting my head her way playfully. "I actually love Paramore. They're my favourite band."

"Really?" she asked with surprise as I put the CD in her car. I hummed in response, to which she continued, "Have you ever seen them live?"

As For a Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic played quietly in the background, I nodded my head. "Yeah, once. It was a few years ago, but the tickets were shitty and I could just about make them out on stage in the distance."

Wanda laughed, the sound making my heart skip a beat. "No, that's so sad!"

I chuckled in agreement. "Yeah. It was, but oh well. They have a tour coming up this summer, right? Maybe I can get better tickets this time 'round... what about you? Have you ever seen them live?"

She hummed, making a turn at some traffic lights and chewing her lower lip as she focused on doing so. It was definitely the wrong time, but I found myself admiring how attractive it was, especially when her jaw tensed and her defined jawline was on display.

"Yeah, I saw them a few times," she finally responded, pulling me from my stupor. "Some really good seats, some really shitty ones." She giggled at the end, making me smile. "Maybe we could go to that concert in the summer. If you're up for it?"

This seemed like one of those times where you made plans with a friend that you knew would never happen, so to not cause an awkwardness in the conversation, I nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, maybe."

She glanced at me and I mirrored her smile, the flash of excitement in her eyes knocking me breathless.

When we reached her house, I was awestruck at how big it was from the inside. I mean, it looked huge from the outside, but the inside was even better. Her family were rich, I knew that, but this was some other level of rich.

"Here, c'mon, I'll get you a drink, then we can go into the dining room to start," Wanda said, failing to recognise my amazement and instead leading me to the kitchen. "We have tropical juice, apple juice, water, Sprite, Cola... which d'you want?"

I settled at the island, taking a seat and subtly admiring her kitchen. "Er, apple juice is fine with me."

She smiled brightly before pouring me a glass, whilst pouring herself some Sprite. Standing opposite me, we both took a moment to have a drink, but didn't get chance to exchange words as her mum entered the room and noticed me instantly.

"Y/N, it's so lovely to see you again!" she said kindly, patting me on the shoulder before heading to the fridge. "You girls hanging out? Studying?"

"We have a project," Wanda filled in as I nodded in agreement. "We alright to claim the dining room?"

After grabbing some water from the fridge, Wanda's mum pressed a kiss to her daughter's cheek. "Sure thing, sweetie. If you need anything, just let me know." Smiling once more at me, she said, "It's good to see you, Y/N."

"You too," I said with a friendly smile before she left.

"Come on," Wanda said, motioning for me to follow. "We have tons to do."

The next hour and a half was spent with Wanda and I planning out our project, our work sprawled along the dining table messily. We were making progress, until she got a call suddenly. It seemed serious as she gave me an apologetic glance and excused herself. I let her go and leaned back in my seat, wondering what I could do as I waited for her to return. That thought was resolved quite quickly when Pietro popped his head in the doorway and spotted me.

"Y/N! What an honour to welcome you to our humble abode," he exclaimed, entering the room fully. "What brings you here?"

Pietro's presence always brought an amused smile to my lips. "Wanda and I are working on a Chemistry project. She's just nipped out for a phone call."

He tutted dramatically, crossing his arms. "Well, well, well. We can't have that! Wanda needs to learn to entertain her guests. C'mon. I was about to head to the gaming room and could use the company."

I was visibly surprised. "You have a gaming room? Dude, that's awesome!"

He laughed. "C'mon."

Joining Pietro, the two of us headed to this so-called gaming room and I was not disappointed. There was a huge TV with a PlayStation and Nintendo Switch connected to it, a snooker table, a foosball table, a dart board, some old arcade games – it was amazing, any gamer's biggest dream.

"What you feeling, princess?" he said with that flirtatious smile of his.

I rolled my eyes playfully. He was being overtly flirty, more so than his sister was – was it a Maximoff personality trait or something? – and I wasn't sure whether he meant it or was just being his usual self.

"Are you flirting?" I deadpanned, tilting my head curiously. "I can't tell."

He pocketed his hands, swinging back on the heels of his feet. "That depends. Is it working?"

Despite my lack of interest in him like that, I felt my face heat up at the attention. "Pietro, I must tell you that any moves you attempt to make kind of won't work."

"And why's that?" he asked, sitting on the edge of the snooker table with a cheeky smile on his lips. "Am I not your type?"

"Unless you change into a girl, then no," I played along, making him flush with embarrassment. "Hate to break it to you, but I'm gay."

"Okay, I guess that makes sense," he mumbled to himself, before sighing and meeting my eyes. "We can still be friends, right? Or is that forbidden since you're already friends with my sister?"

I laughed and approached him. "Friends works. I don't think Wanda will care. I certainly don't."

He grinned. "Awesome! Well, d'you wanna play a round of foosball?"

"Sure," I said with an amused expression. "Bet I can kick your arse."

He pushed himself off the table and feigned surprise. "Oh? Game on, Y/L/N."

I didn't realise how long Wanda had been on the phone until I managed to get through three rounds of foosball and was in the middle of a snooker game with Pietro.

"You may have beat me at foosball, but you're terrible at this," he pointed out with stifled laughter.

I'd missed my third shot and it was more funny than it was embarrassing.

"Your talking distracts me," I said dismissively, before lining up the next shot with my cue.

He watched as I tried to take my shot before sighing loudly. I glanced at him with a quirked brow.

"You have a thought you'd like to share?" I asked playfully.

He hesitated, moving forward to correct my posture. "Look, if you just aim it like this–"

"Don't even think about it, Romeo," I said jokingly, standing up straight and pushing him away gently. "I know what you're thinking."

He laughed. "What? I was just going to help you aim!"

I gave him a knowing look. "So holding me close is just a bonus?"

"Fine, take your shot without my help and see what happens," he said dismissively, waving his hand.

"I'll do just that," I said with confidence, before bending down and taking my shot. The ball hit the other and neither were pocketed, which was an achievement as I'd got the cue ball in several times before, but still pretty shit as I didn't score any points.

Pietro smiled with satisfaction, leaning on his cue. "You happy with that?"

I held in a laugh as I looked to him. "Shut up."

He chuckled before bumping me out the way. "Now for the professional."

Bending down to take his shot, he pulled back his cue before hitting the balls. They rolled around on the table and one ball was about to go in, but I quickly grabbed it before he could get the point.

"Y/N!" he shouted between laughter. "That's cheating!"

"Technically we didn't establish rules," I pointed out, before moving backwards as he tried to grab it from my hand. "What do you say to calling it a draw and playing something else?"

"I say that's a childish way to admit you've lost," he responded, before moving forward quickly. I dodged his attempt and he pursed his lips. "Y/N."

"Pietro."

He smirked. "Seriously?"

I grinned.

He tried to grab it again and ended up chasing me around the room as I avoided giving in. Taking the piss out of Y/BF/N enough times had prepared me for moments like this, so I was able to avoid Pietro long enough to run into whoever walked through the door.

"Shit, Wanda, I'm sorry," I said between laughter, steadying both me and her.

She smiled with confusion, about to speak, but Pietro caught up to me and lifted me up, throwing me onto the couch before I could protest.

"No more cheating," he said sternly, as I lifted my head from the pile of cushions on the couch to look up at him.

"You're an arse," I said, pushing myself up off the couch.

"And you're a sore loser!"

We had a mini staring competition before the two of erupted into laughter.

"You're not half bad, Pietro," I complimented as he helped me up.

"Thank you, princess," he said, the flirtatious smile on his lips again.

I shoved him in the shoulder playfully before looking to Wanda, who was chewing on her lip as she looked between Pietro and I with an unreadable expression.

"So, what prompted you to leave Y/N alone for an hour?" Pietro asked, wrapping an arm around my shoulder, making me shove him away. He grinned at me before looking to Wanda.

"Nate called," Wanda responded carefully, arms crossed as she continued to look between us. God, I hoped she didn't think Pietro and I liked each other. That would be embarrassing.

Pietro scoffed from beside me, making Wanda sigh with annoyance.

"Don't start, Piet," she said and gave him a look which he seemed to understand.

By the sounds of it, Pietro didn't seem to like Wanda's dick of a boyfriend either. That was strange since wasn't impressing the brother the first part of being in a relationship with someone? And they were on the same football team, so I figured he'd at least tolerate him.

"Are we alright to get back to studying?" Wanda asked, directing her stare to me. The annoyance she held for Pietro was still present in her eyes and I suddenly felt nervous when she looked my way.

"Yeah, of course," I said, before giving Pietro a half-smile. "Rematch at snooker next time. Sound good?"

"Try to keep the balls on the table and we'll see," he teased, before nodding to Wanda. "You should get back to your project before Wanda kills us both with her deadly glare."

I smiled awkwardly, looking back to Wanda as she was indeed glaring at her brother. Clearly there was some sibling rivalry going on here, and I definitely didn't want to get in the middle of it, so I headed to Wanda, signalling I was ready to leave.

The two of us headed back to the dining room in an uncomfortable silence. I felt like I'd done something wrong and she was giving me the silent treatment which was strange. Then I figured it was probably something with Nate that made her annoyed, so didn't question it too much.

We sat back down and I looked at what we'd done so far to try and pick up where we left off, but then she spoke out of the blue, taking me by surprise.

"Do you like my brother?"

It was so abrupt that I took a moment to acknowledge it, blinking. "What?"

"Pietro," she clarified, saying it with such dismissiveness like it wasn't a big deal. Her attention was on the books before us as she continued, "Do you like him?"

I tried not to laugh as I shook my head. "No, Wanda. I mean, don't get me wrong, he's a great guy. But yeah, no, I don't like him like that."

She chewed her lip, nodding, but I swear I saw a hint of a smile on her lips. I hoped it wasn't the thought of Pietro and I that made her annoyed. I wasn't that bad, was I? I know she cared about her brother and was probably overprotective, but me being his girlfriend couldn't have been that bad, right?

We got back to work in no time, getting a lot done. I didn't realise how late it was getting until Wanda's mum poked her head in, asking if I wanted to stay for dinner.

"Dinner?" I asked, eyebrows raising with surprise. I checked my watch and realised how long I'd been here. "Damn, maybe I should head back."

"Nonsense, you must stay," her mum insisted. "Y/M/N won't mind. A daughter of hers is a daughter of mine."

"You can even sleepover if you want," Wanda offered, and I almost choked on my own spit. "It's getting pretty late."

I shook my head, forcing a small smile so they wouldn't get offended. "Honestly, it's fine. I can head back."

"Please?" Wanda asked with a hopeful expression. "It's the least I can do. I kinda wasted your time for an hour earlier..."

"I should ask my mum," I said, chewing on the inside of my mouth.

"Oh, I'll ring and let her know," Wanda's mum said breezily, before looking to Wanda. "D'you think you can clear your things up? Your brother is gonna set the table."

"Sure, mum." Wanda smiled her way as she left, before looking to me. "I've got clothes and a spare toothbrush you can use tonight."

I smiled awkwardly, nodding. Sleeping over at my crush's house wasn't how I thought I'd be spending my Wednesday evening, yet here we were.

[ethanesimp]

AMAMI PER SEMPRE // E.T.

Pairing: Ethan Torchio x Fem! Reader

Summary: Ethan isn’t the brightest—or the best—when it comes to surprises, so his attempt at proposing to you causes a few misunderstandings...

Word Count: 2.8k

Warnings: Swearing, a tiny tiny mention of death, some angst, other than that it’s pure fluff and me projecting my obsession with old books onto the reader.

Request: Ethan planning to propose and acting super nervous and strange (a bit angsty bc the reader doesn’t know what’s happening) and ending in pure fluff.

Masterlist // Taglist link in bio

A/N: After more than a year of stepping foot into a bookstore for *cough* obvious reasons, I got to go to one yesterday. While looking at some second-hand books I had an idea that I decided to combine with @kawaiiwxnnabe​’s lovely request to bring you this. I hope you enjoy! <3 

Ethan had been mindlessly listening to Damiano sing Amandoti when the thought of marrying you first seriously crossed his mind. It had been a thing he’d thought of countless times ever since he started dating you, but it had never remained with as much intensity as it had that time. 

Damiano, who had noticed his friend’s face illuminate all of a sudden, had a talk with him that once and for all convinced Ethan that it was the right time and you were the right person. He didn’t sleep at all that night because he couldn’t stop thinking about what would be the perfect way to propose to you. It was no secret to him—or anyone who knew you—that you were a hopeless romantic. 

There was nothing that made you happier than simple and small details that came from the heart. That was the reason why you had developed an affinity towards old books. Not only did they have a particular and special scent that reminded you of vanilla and chocolate, but some had the luck—as you liked to call it—of being embellished by notes on margins or dedications on covers. Whether they were about love, sorrow, or maybe even hate, they still showed a small glimpse into the life of the person who had once owned it. Those notes told a story that would prevail even long after they were gone from the earth. 

Ever since he had noticed that small obsession of yours, Ethan had tried to help you expand your treasured collection by bringing you back books he found at antique stores from every country the band played in. 

During a visit to Spain after he initially had his stirring thought, Ethan took the chance to visit one of the second-hand shops he’d found during a night stroll with Victoria, who had disappeared into a bakery. His main goal was to find something different from the usual books he brought back for you. 

After he walked into the store and vaguely told the old lady at the counter about his idea in the best Spanish he could muster, she smiled warmly at him and guided him to the very back of the tiny shop where a beautiful and worn out bookshelf sat in all its glory, filled with as many books as it could hold. 

He immediately started searching around for the perfect book, but it proved to be harder than he initially thought it’d be. After searching around for more than an hour, all he had found was a collection of Edgar Allan Poe’s tales and poems with a heartbreaking note to someone’s dead lover. While it had almost brought him to tears and was a special thing he’d buy to give to you later, it wasn’t exactly the best thing to help him carry out his plan.   

Victoria walked into the shop when he was about to give up and, fully aware of his plan, started looking around without saying a word to him. They both searched around the messy piles of books for something. It didn’t take long for her to stumble across three books held together by a lilac satin ribbon. 

Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë, Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, and Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë. All three contained a note on the very first page right under the title, but the last one stood out above the other two because, according to his basic knowledge of Spanish, it ended with the very question he wanted to ask ¿Quieres casarte conmigo? Or ‘Will you marry me?’. He bought all three of them after a huge smile and a thumbs up from Victoria.  

What he hadn’t expected was for them to remain hidden in a drawer he knew you never opened underneath piles of clothes. Ever since he came back from their small trip to Spain, Ethan had tried to ask the question about six times, but always ended up choking on his words and saying something else. In fact, the first time he ever tried, Ethan chickened out at the last second and ended up giving you the Edgar Allan Poe anthology instead.

You were still none the wiser to his plan even after he’d asked about your opinion on marriage a few times. Anyone would’ve probably caught up with what was going on already, but you were always so busy with things happening around you that you didn’t connect his awkward and nervous attitude with his questions.

You didn’t start giving his actions a second thought until one night… You had been cooped up in your office all day working on a new project you were supposed to present to your boss by the end of the week when you suddenly felt the urge to get up and walk around the house.

Ethan was casually sitting on the couch as he whispered unintelligible words into his phone. You supposed he was on a call with a friend or maybe his manager and was trying to be quiet to avoid disturbing you, but then he hung up the call with a panicked expression the moment he noticed you. After that, you started thinking back on the way he had been behaving ever since he returned and it all raised the suspicion that there was something strange going on. 

It didn’t get any better when he kept on acting weird. Simple things that he had allowed you to do, like using his phone to take pictures because it had a better camera than yours, now seemed to make him almost mad. He’d even snapped at you once when you tried to grab it to take a picture with him. Even if Ethan had apologized right away, it still didn’t calm you down, especially because he had gone as far as to change the password on it.

It almost felt like he was walking on eggshells around you and you didn’t like it one bit. Your relationship had always been about honesty and worked because of constant communication. Everything was just so strange that your mind couldn’t help but think of the worst.

You were an imaginative person who never had any difficulties when it came to envisioning things clearly. Unfortunately, that also applied to every negative thought that crossed your mind, so it wasn’t hard for you to start coming up with the worst explanations as to why he was acting so suspicious. It didn’t help much that he had been busier than normal because the band was wrapping up on their latest album, so you hadn’t had the opportunity to sit down and voice all your concerns, to ask if something was going on and if there was a way to fix it. 

The morning of your anniversary, you’d finally had enough. You had woken up, expecting to feel Ethan’s arm tightly wrapped around your waist and to receive a shower of kisses the moment he noticed you were awake, but no. There was no Ethan and the side of his bed was already neatly made.

Your disappointment only grew when he wasn’t in the kitchen or his small studio where he had his drums. You doubted he was in the house at all. 

It was a thing that wouldn’t have affected you much had he done it any other time, but with everything that had been going on as of late, you could only fear the worst. So, without being able to control yourself, you started making the worst conclusions. You’d always been fully aware that he loved you, but all the signs undoubtedly pointed at him meeting someone new… And maybe he was going to leave you for them as well… during your anniversary.

That was all you needed to break into tears. You climbed back into bed and cried for what seemed to be hours. Even since you got together, you had thought of him as your person, your forever. The thought of him leaving you broke your heart into tiny pieces.

Ethan arrived home only a few minutes after you’d buried yourself underneath all the blankets and cried out all your worries. When he was about to open the door to your bedroom, he stopped. Were you crying? 

He stood there in complete silence for a few seconds until he was more than sure that you were, in fact, crying. Ethan rushed inside and he felt his heart break at the sight of you looking so heartbroken, and it didn’t get any better when he heard a whimper come out of your mouth at the sight of him. You cuddled deeper into the bedsheets and turned away from him.

Ethan sat on your side of the bed and, as delicately as possible, he cupped your face into his warm hands and wiped your tears with his thumbs, “Amore,” He said in a quiet voice, “Hey, what’s wrong?”

You tried to turn away from him, but his grip on your face stopped you from doing so. You placed one of your hands on top of his and gave it a firm squeeze. No part of you was ready to have that conversation with him because that was going to be it and you were going to have to watch him leave…

So, with a lot of courage, you spoke the first words that came to mind, “You know, i-it’s okay if you’ve found someone else,” You caressed his cheek softly as more tears started spilling down your face, “You can tell me if you have.”

His eyebrows furrowed at your words and the only thing he could do was shake his head no, “What? Found someone else? What would make you say such a thing dolcezza?”

Then, before you could even answer, realization hit him like a ton of bricks and he felt like the stupidest living being on the face of the Earth. He pinched his nose and sighed, annoyed at himself.

“Fuck… I’m so fucking stupid. Please don’t ever think of something like that. I was just… I-I,” Clueless as to what to say, Ethan pressed his lips against yours to kiss you slowly, hoping it spoke more than his words ever could. He could still taste a trace of the salty tears that had fallen on your lips and he couldn’t help but shed a few of his own at the thought that he’d been the one to make you cry.

After pulling away, Ethan pressed his forehead to yours and brushed his nose against yours while his arms held you as close as possible, “Will you close your eyes for just a second, amore mio? I promise everything will make so much sense soon.”

You nodded and kept your eyes closed as you felt him get up from the bed. You heard him open and close a few drawers, and look around for something for a while before he sat back on the bed. Ethan grabbed your hands in his and slowly slipped the three small books into your grasp.

You opened his eyes after a small sound of approval from him and smiled when you saw the three old books held together by a ribbon and the pretty pink rose that had been carefully been slipped into the first book and the ribbon.

You gently removed the flower and placed it on your side. Then you undid the simple knot and picked up the first book, “Wuthering Heights?” You questioned.

He nodded, “Yeah… At least I think that’s it. I hope I didn’t bring back some sketchy book or some shit,” Ethan scratched his neck and you giggled as you opened it on the first page. Your fingers brushed over the letters neatly written down in fountain pen.  

After clearing your throat, you started reading the first dedication out loud. Since your Spanish wasn’t exactly the best either, you had to pause every once in a while to translate all the words, “May 17, 1850… My dearest Helena, I hope this book reaches you in great condition, being apart from you is one of the hardest challenges I have ever had to face, one of the most painful as well. I hope you can find me in between these pages as you read and remember how much I love you, remember how much I long to be back in your arms and kiss your lips. Sincerely, Alejandro.”

You closed it and placed it back on the bed before opening the second book and doing the same thing with the third, “January 24, 1855. Carolina, nothing I’ve ever experienced has gotten close to being as terrible as not having you in my arms. Apologies are overdue… long overdue. Words have never been my strongest suit, yet I still hope I can coherently express just how much I love you, all of you. I’m afraid I’m already too late since you will soon be betrothed to someone else and there will be nothing I can do by then.

 “Still, I hope with everything in my being that this arrives sooner so you’re aware of how sorry I am. I hope you remember that I would do anything you asked without a single complaint just to watch that lovely smile I adore so much appear on your face. If you ever come back to me, I promise with every fiber of my being, and I’ll be dammed if I don’t keep my promise, that I will leave everything behind and escape with you. Anywhere, any time. So with that, I ask a question that will hopefully have a yes as an answer. Will you marry me? With love, Javier.”

Before you could close it, Ethan stopped you and timidly asked for you to open the book on the very last page. You did it and looked back at him with confusion at the sight of his writing on the page, “Read this one out loud for me. Will you Y/N?” You nodded and mumbled a small ‘of course’ before clearing your throat to get rid of the knot that had formed. 

“October 21, 2025… Y/N, my one true love, I’ve always hoped to make a gesture that will remind you of your treasured books. I’ve never been one great with words spoken out loud, so I sought inspiration from those before me who were just as in love with someone as I am with you. Ever since I met you I dreamt of one day settling down with you, of having our small home in the countryside as you’ve always dreamed of. Maybe even doing some of those cloying gestures people seem to do in fiction and dedicate to you the most beautiful love poems I lay eyes on. 

“I’ve wondered for a while how I could ever take the step that would bring me closer to that goal, yet every time I try, words seem to get stuck in my throat with no way out and I end up in square one all over again. It is with this note that I hope to finally take a step in the right direction because I know you’re it for me. You’re my person, my forever, and there’s nothing I would love more than to share my life with you. Sei la mia migliore amica e il mio unico vero amore. Ti chiedo di accettare il mio amore, il mio nome e tutto quello che sono.” (You are my best friend and my one true love. I ask you to accept my love, my name, and everything I am.)

When your eyes spotted the four words that followed, you slowly lowered the book, “Will you marry me?” You both said at the same time, although yours sounded more like an unintelligible mumble. Only then did you notice him down on one knee right in front of you. He held a velvet box with one of the most beautiful rings sitting inside of it 

A hand went to cover your mouth as tears started falling down your face. This time, happy and free of worry. You could only nod repeatedly, overcome with pure joy as your heart swelled with love.

He slowly slid the ring into your finger and grabbed your face to kiss you once again, “I’m so sorry I made you think something else was going on. I just kept backtracking every time I tried to tell you. Not because I was regretting the decision but because I didn’t want to lose you.”

You shook your head as a silent way of saying it was alright and brushed his hair back with your fingers, “The important thing is that you’ve done it and you’re not going to lose me, no matter how hard you try. I’ll always be right here because I love you and I’ll always be yours.”

[youngbugandtonystank]

what's the difference between what wanda did to those people in wandavision and what tony did with ultron?

I have so many asks about this. Hate asks, and people wondering what’s going on. This is the only one I’m answering.

Both of them are responsible for their actions. I’ve seen people try and take away either Tony’s responsibility for that or Wanda’s engagement and accountability. 

In Tony’s case, the Ultron program was supposed to be a global peacekeeping program to protect the people, acting as a suit around the world to prevent events like the Battle of New York. He was doing it in the name of peace and safety. Tony was rightfully scared because he was the only one who knew what was coming. Wanda intentionally enhanced that fear in him and this drove him to create Ultron with Bruce. He has responsibility for it. Same as Bruce. He owns up to this, he took full responsibility and agreed that they needed to be regulated. 

Tony Stark: A few years ago, I almost lost her, so I trashed all my suits. Then, we had to mop up HYDRA... and then Ultron. My fault.

--

Tony Stark: There's no decision-making process here. We need to be put in check! Whatever form that takes, I'm game. If we can't accept limitations, if we're boundary-less, we're no better than the bad guys.

--

Tony Stark: That's good. That's why I'm here. When I realized what my weapons were capable of in the wrong hands, I shut it down and stop manufacturing.

--

If people think he needs to be in jail for it, then I’m guessing the rest of the Avengers too since all of them have made mistakes and killed people too. As a matter of fact, after the events of Wandavision, I’m sure that Wanda should be in the Raft, but because she’s ‘a poor baby’ yall won’t think she deserves that. 

SPOILERS

It’s a big possibility that we don’t have all the info about what happened in Wandavision but we’re going to go with what we know so far. 

In Wanda’s case, she did it to appease her grief and pain, and I can understand why she would get to that point, she’s been through a lot and maybe she was about to lose her mind. Instead of recruiting Wanda after the Sokovia incident, they should’ve given this girl treatment for her mental health problems. She just lost her brother and passed through a very traumatic war zone, of course she needs assistance. Cap and Natasha were the ones responsible for her because they were training the ‘new’ avengers. Sam was with them and he used to be a counselor to veterans with PTSD. He could’ve helped Wanda with some of her traumas. As shown in the series, Wanda did the whole hex business before meeting Agatha, which means creating that little reality was all Wanda’s responsibility. Hayward and Agatha did exactly what Wanda did to Tony (and the avengers/other people) in AOU. They manipulated her and played with her emotional traumas. Hayward showed her Vision’s body parts and Agatha started to pull strings to know how Wanda did what she did and her real powers while orchestrating against her. 

Both of them have made mistakes. No one is better than the other. I don’t understand why some fans want to make someone responsible more than the other or blame one character for the other. While Wanda gave Tony that vision and pushed his self-destructive side to obsess over saving the world, he did create Ultron, what Tony didn’t predict was that the robot was going to corrupt itself. Same with Wanda, while Agatha and Hayward contributed to her trauma, she held hostage and isolated 3,892 people to create her perfect reality, ripping these people away from their identities and free will to fit her own fantasy. Don’t turn this into ‘omg poor her, it’s Tony fault that she’s this way'. I can’t believe I have to repeat this but you don’t see Peter Parker obsessively looking for the person who manufactured the gun instead of the criminal who actually killed Uncle Ben. Ridiculous that I have to repeat this example. 

Oh and about Vision’s body (damn yall have a gift to turn everything into Tony’s fault for some reason). I can’t believe some of you think Tony (while grieving for 5 years) would give Vision to Hayward. You’re either pulling stuff out of your asses or you didn’t pay attention to the show. Maria Rambeau founded and was the Director of S.W.O.R.D. In 2018 (when IW happened), this is where she came up with a new policy within S.W.O.R.D. to ground snapped agents in case they ever returned. Maria was diagnosed with cancer, then two years later (2020), she passed away. Then, Hayward was promoted to Director of S.W.O.R.D., in his first years (2020-2022) he refocused the organization’s work from extraterrestrial operations to robotics, nanotechnology and artificial intelligence, etc. There, that was the 5 years. Then in 2023 it’s when he started project Cataract, which revolved around rebuilding Vision as a sentient weapon. Tony was dead when this happened. How come yall don’t get this part? I don’t understand, do you really think his dead corpse signed some papers to give Vision to those people? LMAO

Instead of thinking Tony would give up Vision just like that, think (possibilities):

Maria was the head of S.W.O.R.D., she might have just been keeping his body safe without doing anything with him. Maybe she trusted Hayward and he, obviously, betrayed her because he’s turning her organization into something else after her death. 

One of the Sokovia Accords regulations states that the use of technology to bestow individuals (the term ‘enhanced individual’ in this book is defined as any person, human or otherwise, with superhuman capabilities) with innate capabilities is strictly regulated by the government, as is the use and distribution of highly advanced technology. Vision signed those accords ('I'm saying there may be a casualty. Our very strength invites challenge. Challenge incites conflict. And conflict... breeds catastrophe. Oversight...oversight is not an idea that can be dismissed out of hand’) The Avengers were no longer be a private organization and they operate under the supervision of the United Nations. This means they (UN) were the ones that referred Vision’s body to S.W.O.R.D., to a trustworthy leader, Maria. 

Vision died in Wakanda, not in New York. Tony was missing for 22 days after the snap, the rest of the avengers should’ve taken responsibility for his body.  

Why is it always Tony’s fault but never consider that other parties are also involved in this? 

I want to address some other asks with this one. I know some of you are angry because people are starting to blame Tony all over again, so a few things to remember:

Tony did not create the Accords. The Accords were the result of all the collective actions the Avengers have done in their superhero careers. All of them have made mistakes and the collateral damage of that was taken into consideration by the government and 117 countries around the world. He signed the accords because he knew that he could amend them with the support of the rest of the avengers and he knew about Thanos (something big was coming). 

Obadiah Stane (it’s so bizarre for me seeing that some people don’t know who this guy is, I’m guessing that the people who are watching Wandavision are too young to remember or didn’t watch the Iron Man movies at all which is highly probable) was the one selling weapons to the wrong people, not Tony. Obadiah was the CEO of Stark industries and became second-in-command for two decades. He grew jealous of Tony and began cooperating with the Ten Rings in Afghanistan, selling them Stark Industries weapons illegally. Imagine blaming all of it on Tony when Obadiah basically murdered thousands only because he felt a little green. If someone who you trust (he had no reasons to doubt Obadiah since he was like a second father-figure for him) does something behind your back (take into consideration that people like Pepper; who was Tony’s assistant and had knowledge of all of Tony’s activities and responsibilities, Rhodey; who was the liaison between the military in the department of acquisitions and Stark Industries, and Happy Hogan; who was his personal bodyguard and Head of Security of Stark Industries, didn’t know what Stane was doing either), how are you going to know about it? Tony trusted him. And when he realized what was going on he immediately stopped all of it. He worked hard to be better and people overlook that because they want other characters to look better. 

Don’t act like Tony was the only one assisting the military. All of the avengers assisted in one way or another. Natasha (who used to be an assassin) was in the Red Room, trained in the Black Widow Program in association with Leviathan and the Soviet Armed Forces, served for KGB, etc. Bruce Banner used to work for the United States government and was commissioned to create a super serum for them. Same goes with the rest, Sam, Clint, etc. Steve Rogers was a soldier lmaoooooooooooooo like, what happened to Tony with Obadiah happened to Steve with SHIELD/HYDRA in TWS. He trusted the people working in there (SHIELD), served for them, did missions for them and as soon as he found out what they were doing behind his back he turned against them. 

Knowing all of this, how is Tony always the villain for yall? I’m guessing because Tony’s popularity in the MCU, but still, aren’t yall tired of not understanding the plot and having people repeat it to you constantly? Watch the movies if you want to understand the franchise, people. Stop following the crowd. 

Also, Wanda is not a kid, she’s a 35 year old woman in Wandavision, she was 26 in AOU and 27 in CW. Hardly a child. Tony had almost her same age (38) when he realized Obadiah was selling illegal weaponry behind his back. The only reason people don’t fully forgive Tony is because 1. he’s a man and 2. he’s a billionaire. Even if Wanda was poor she still killed and hurt many people over the course of her life. Stop trying to make Tony the villain only to downplay Wanda’s actions. 

Both have killed people, both have made mistakes. They’re both responsible for them. 

[hey-its-puddlesock]

@starryemeralds mentioned this idea in the discord server, I immediately brainrotted so hard that this manifested itself into existence without my consent.

Taglist: @aldriix, @happi-tree, @elle-cosmic-chaos, @darcysd20, @monarch2800, @yourpersonaltimebomb, @sylsoddsandends, @your-local-hurt-comfort-junkie-1

Send an ask if you'd like to be added!

“I can see Wartwood from here!” Sprig hopped down from the treetop he’d climbed up to get a better view of their path, bouncing excitedly on the heels of his feet. “We’re almost home!”

“Slow down, kiddo,” Hop Pop was keeping up with the group surprisingly well despite his age. “We need to be careful. One of those frobots could jump out of the trees at any time.”

Anne smiled. “Eh, I think we’re fine, Hop Pop. If we haven’t been attacked by now, I highly doubt that—”

“AMBUSH!”

Before she could say another word, the group was surrounded on all sides by masked frogs bearing an eclectic assort of weapons. The smallest one looked at Anne and the Plantars in surprise before lowering her mask.

“Sprig?”

“Ivy?”

The citizens of Wartwood all took off their masks. The squad that had attacked them was composed of Ivy, Mrs. Croaker, Wally, and Felicia Sundew. They quickly lowered their weapons, moving in to greet the new arrivals. Ivy tackled Sprig into a hug, both of them trying hard to ignore that they were blushing beet red as they playfully wrestled on the ground.

“I can’t believe this,” Anne laughed, looking at her neighbors dressed for combat. “You guys look like ninjas or something!”

“I have no idea what that means dearie,” Mrs. Croaker smiled as she patted Anne on the arm. “But it sounds badass.”

Polly, in the midst of showing off her brand-new legs to Felicia and Ivy, turned to the group. “What are you guys doing out here dressed like that anyway?”

“Scoutin’ for the resistance, of course!” Wally played a dramatic note on his concertina. “We’re fightin’ back against that overgrown bully of a newt!”

Anne let out a small giggle, partially of surprise and partially of pride in her friends. “Wow, guys. I can’t believe you did all this on your own.”

“Oh we didn’t do it on our own,” Felicia smiled. “Sasha and Captain Grime have been—”

“Wait,” Anne froze. “Sasha’s with you? She’s all right? Is Marcy here too?”

The frogs exchanged glances before turning back to her. “It would probably be best just to take you to her,” Felicia said gently.

Anne knew from their reactions that she should be worried, but she couldn’t help being relieved. Sasha was alive, even if Anne was still upset with her over what happened in Newtopia, at least they would get the chance to work it out together. She hadn’t let herself admit it, but deep down she’d feared that she would never get a chance to make things right with her two best friends. “Let’s go then,” she said, trying her best to give the frogs a reassuring smile.

The squad of frogs led them back to the town, under the heavy wooden arch and into the village square. The war hadn’t been kind to Wartwood; toward the edge of the village debris from damaged shops and houses was scattered everywhere, some buildings being reduced to charred foundations. The group made their way to the fountain in the middle of town where two familiar figures stood talking quietly at a table laid out with maps and diagrams. Their backs were turned, and as the collection of frogs and one human approached them they could make out what they were saying.

“… another attack on the southeastern market,” Sasha was saying, pointing to one of the papers on the table. “We’ll need to relocate a few families and start on repairs. I think the Sundew’s rented room is currently empty, but we’ll need to see if we can get more volunteers to take in the displaced frogs.”

Grime let out a heavy sigh. “If this keeps up we’ll need to start setting up camps in the more protected parts of the village. I’m not sure we have the supplies for that.”

“We’ll make it work. These frogs are pretty tough.”

“Commander Waybright, we’ve returned from scouting,” Ivy took up the front of the group, giving the toad and the human a salute. “We found—”

“Sasha?”

Anne couldn’t help but smiling as Sasha turned around, her lips forming a small “o” as she noticed the other girl standing among the crowd of frogs. Anne ran to make up the rest of the distance between them, her arms outstretched for a hug. “Sasha, I’m so glad you’re—”

She was interrupted by a sword pointed at her throat.

Anne stopped short, eyeing the blade in shock. She turned her eyes up to Sasha’s face, expecting for this to be some kind of distasteful joke, but all she saw was fear and anger in the blonde’s eyes.

“Sasha what—”

“Full name,” Sasha commanded, her voice quavering.

“Sasha—”

“What is your full name?” Sasha was nearly shouting at this point, her sword arm steady despite the shakiness in her voice.

“Anne Savisa Boonchuy.”

“Where were your parents born?”

“My mom was born in Bangkok, my dad was born in Kanchanaburi.”

“What did I give you for your eighth birthday?”

The initial shock was beginning to wear off, and Anne was beginning to get angry. “Sasha, what the heck—”

“Answer the question, Anne.”

“Ugh, geez! Fine, fine, it was, uh… wasn’t that the year you gave me the stuffed cat you found that looked exactly like Domino?”

Sasha kept her sword up. “And?”

“Oh! And a gift card for the frozen yogurt place downtown.”

Sasha finally lowered her sword, letting it clatter to the ground as she let out a long-held breath. Before Anne could ask her what was happening, she rushed forward and enveloped the dark-haired girl in a tight hug. Anne only felt her confusion grow as Sasha began crying into her shoulder, holding her as if she were afraid she would disappear.

“Sasha, what’s going on?” despite her indignance Anne’s voice was calm and gentle. She waited for Sasha to collect herself, pulling away to look the other girl in the eyes.

“I—I had to make sure you were… you,” Sasha sniffled, using the heel of her palm to scrub the remaining tears from her eyes.

“I was me? Sasha what happened?” Anne’s heart dropped as Sasha looked up at her, fear shining behind her eyes. “Sasha, why wouldn’t I be me?”

“I went on a surveillance mission to the castle when it touched down by the East Tower,” she said slowly, taking deep breaths as she tried to calm herself. “Anne, it’s—it’s Marcy. Something’s wrong.”

Anne felt her stomach sink as Sasha worked to keep herself from bursting into tears again. “She… wasn’t herself?”

Sasha shook her head. “Why don’t we go inside,” she finally had enough control over her voice to speak clearly. “It’s kind of a long story.”

[ncssian]

A Favor: Part Twenty

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n: sorry for the wait yall this month really kicked my ass,, but also we reached part 20!!

tw infertility discussion

***

Gwyn: isn’t he beautiful <3

In the freezing February air outside the tea house, Nesta clicks on the picture attached to Gwyn’s text. It’s a distant shot of a man in his mid-thirties hunched over a library desk while working, unaware that there’s a camera on him. She’ll give it to Gwyn, though—he is a little handsome.

Emerie: the stalker levels are through the roof, gwyneth. seek help.

Gwyn: no i’m gonna marry him

Nesta doesn’t know whether to laugh or be concerned, but she types out a brief response before her thumbs fall off from the cold: Will give my opinion on him later. Got to go.

Gwyn’s crush will have to wait, Nesta thinks as she finally puts her phone away and pushes her way inside the exquisite tea house. Immediately, blasting heat thaws her frozen fingers and toes, and farther inside she spots the table she reserved for three. Right now, only one person sits at it.

Nesta grits her teeth and approaches the round table, heels clicking softly on the parquet floors. Elain doesn’t look up from the menu she’s reading. “This place would be nicer to visit in the spring,” is her only acknowledgment of Nesta.

“I like the winter,” Nesta answers simply, taking her seat across from Elain. She likes how the ice creeps over the garden outside until everything looks frozen in time, and she likes how the colorful flowers and trees become dulled by white snow. Not that her sister would understand or care.

“Of course you do,” Elain mutters, setting down the menu with all the careful elegance of a debutante. “I’m only here for Feyre, anyway.”

It almost saddens Nesta that she doesn’t feel hurt or offense at the words. She thought she would care more about Elain’s opinion than she actually does. “Where is Feyre, then?” she says, looking pointedly at the empty seat between them. “I thought she was coming with you.”

“I’m right here,” a breathless voice says, accompanied by the sound of hurried footsteps. Feyre appears, looking flushed from exertion and the cold. She sets her bag down and joins them at the table, scooting her seat all the way in. “Sorry I’m late. What did I miss?”

“Nothing,” Nesta bites. “I was just about to order.”

“So was I.” Elain smiles breezily.

Feyre glances between the two of them, clear concern on her face, but she covers it up and says, “I’m so glad we’re doing this.”

It was Feyre’s idea, of course. After Nesta told her off for never being interested in what she wanted to do, Feyre actually listened. She asked if Nesta wanted to hang out, and then let Nesta fill in the rest of the details on her own terms.

Which brings them to the tea house. Unfortunately for her sisters, however, Nesta doesn’t really know where to go from ordering tea and biscuits.

“How is school going?” Feyre asks her after their drinks arrive.

Nesta sips from her tea, already bored. “It’s been fifteen minutes and you have yet to say anything of substance, Feyre. It makes me miss being alone with Elain and her mood.”

Feyre looks taken aback, and Elain levels a glare at Nesta. An unsurprised, of course you have to ruin everything like this glare.

So Nesta clarifies, “That wasn’t an attack. I just hoped that after driving out here, I would get something better than shallow small talk.”

“And how do you know it was shallow?” Elain steps in harshly. “How do you know she isn’t actually interested in how you’re doing at school?”

Nesta slides blunt blue eyes to Feyre. “If that’s the case, then I commend you. Personally, I wouldn’t give a shit if I was in your position.”

To her surprise, Feyre snorts. She looks resigned when she says, “No, you’re right. I don’t care about what’s going on at school, not if you don’t. What would you rather we talk about then, Nesta?”

Without hesitation, Nesta says, “Ask me something you really care to hear the answer to.”

Elain shuts her mouth and sits back at that. Feyre twists her lips, thinking her next words over carefully. “How is your therapy going?” she finally asks in a cautious tone. “What do you talk about there?”

Remembering that she’s in a formal setting, Nesta stops herself from crossing her arms. She settles on wrapping her fingers delicately around her teacup instead. “We talk about whatever I feel like talking about,” she answers honestly. Although lately her conversations with Lana feel more restrained than usual.

“And what’s that?” Feyre urges.

Nesta shrugs, fitting apathy onto her face like an old mask. “Recently? Childbearing.” But it isn’t her favorite topic of discussion, not at all.

“You’re pregnant?” Elain jumps in, leading Nesta to throw her an unamused look.

“No, idiot,” she says. “My therapist just has the idea that if I end up being infertile it’ll screw me up, mentally and emotionally and whatever. She thinks I should deal with that baggage now instead of saving it for later.” She rolls her eyes thinking about it. How many times does she have to repeat that she doesn’t care about her body’s reproductive abilities until Lana gets it?

Feyre chuckles, confused. “Why would you be infertile?”

Nesta forgot—she didn’t want her sisters knowing anything that has to do with her health. She even made Cassian keep her doctor visits secret from Feyre. But that was months ago, and the sisters are… not exactly in a better place now, but looking for the way there. Nesta thinks she can tell them without any severe regrets. “I have endometriosis.”

When she’s met with silence, she adds, “You know, with the tissue growing on my ovaries and stuff. It might affect all the babies I don’t care to have in the future.”

Elain is the first to speak. “You always wanted to be a mother.” Her voice is soft, almost mourning. It irritates the hell out of Nesta.

“No, I didn’t,” she snaps back.

“You did,” Elain insists. Feyre still hasn’t said anything. “You took care of our cat, Mittens, until the day she died. You taught Feyre her alphabet. You raised me when Mama and Papa were too busy to do it. You never carried dolls around in strollers or anything, but you loved being a mother.”

“I don’t remember any of this,” Feyre says, blinking. “I’m sorry, can we go back to the endometriosis part?”

Nesta sips from her tea, the bitter taste a welcome distraction from Elain’s words. “What about it?”

“How long have you known?” Feyre demands.

“It isn’t cancer. And I’m getting treated, obviously. I’m fine.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

Nesta sighs, setting her cup down. “October. Cassian made me go to the doctor because he was worried about my periods, we had a big fight about health insurance, and now I use my salary from your boyfriend to afford medication so I don’t feel like dying every month. Is that everything you wanted to hear?”

Feyre only stares at her, for once revealing no emotion. “I keep forgetting,” she says finally, “that we’re not at a place to share things like that with each other. I keep being surprised every time I realize how much of your life you keep from us.”

“I don’t,” Elain huffs under her breath while she tears a croissant in half.

Nesta is still watching Feyre. “You remember how bad my cycles were? I would cry loud enough at night to wake the house.”

Feyre flinches at the memory, and Elain goes still.

“But no one ever woke up,” Nesta says. They never talked about it before, and she has no desire to keep speaking about it now. If they start to tally all the hurts they’ve dealt to each other, Nesta fears they’ll be here for hours. Worse, she fears she will lose.

She reaches for a lavender macaron and delicately pulls it apart, studying the cream filling inside. “Did you know they make these using the lavender flowers from the garden outside?”

“I hate lavender,” Elain says.

Spying her chance to shift the subject off herself, Nesta goes for it. “Because Azriel smells like lavender?” She pushes one half of the dainty cookie past her lips, chewing. “It’s an interesting cologne choice, I agree.”

“Wait, what are we talking about now?” Feyre looks around, unaware that they’ve moved onto another topic.

Elain’s innocent brown eyes turn into daggers pointed at Nesta, betrayal written across her face. Nesta feels no pity for her—especially not if they’re going to sit around judging each other for keeping secrets.

Feyre’s eyes widen and she turns to Elain. “Is it about your,” she lowers her voice and whispers, “crush?”

Nesta raises a skeptical brow. She doubts whatever Az and Elain have stops at just a crush.

“No, it’s not,” Elain answers determinedly. “God, do you have to bring men into everything, Nesta?”

“I think you’re projecting.”

“Quit it,” Feyre snaps at the both of them. “Or I’ll grab my things and leave.”

Do it, Nesta almost dares. But she has a feeling that Feyre means it, that she won’t submit to being taunted, so Nesta reins the words back from the tip of her tongue. After all, this tea is expensive.

The sisters take a moment to settle, and Feyre is the one to restart the conversation. “Either way,” she tells Nesta, “it looks like counseling is going really well for you. I’m glad.”

“Yeah, it really gives your skin a certain glow,” Elain drawls.

Nesta doesn’t rise to meet her sarcasm. In all seriousness, Elain and Feyre could probably use a therapist themselves. It might make Nesta’s interactions with them less headache-inducing.

“You should visit one day,” she throws the suggestion out without thinking.

“What, like a therapy session?” Feyre says.

Realizing the implications of her terrible idea, Nesta forces herself not to backpedal. “Yes,” she makes herself grit out. “If you’re interested, that is.”

Elain and Feyre share a glance of hesitation and concern. It’s a glance that grates on Nesta’s nerves, but she keeps her mouth shut and waits for a response.

Feyre answers first: “We’ll do it.”

Elain looks more doubtful, but seems to realize that refusing to go would paint her in a negative light. We can’t have that, can we? Nesta thinks wryly. She reaches for some macarons and starts stuffing them into her purse. “Sounds good. Great.” It is not at all great. Having her sisters in the same room as her and Lana might just be terrible enough to ruin Nesta’s next month or two.

“I’ll text you the details whenever I feel like it,” she tells Feyre and Elain as she rises out of her seat. Likely not for as long as possible.

“Where are you going?” Elain demands.

“I’m leaving.” Nesta pointedly drapes her coat over her shoulders, picking up her purse. “I have plans for the rest of the day, sorry.” Plans to get home and rate Gwyn’s work crush on a scale of one to ten. Maybe she’ll rewatch a sitcom if she has time.

“But it’s only been an hour,” Feyre protests.

Did Feyre think they would be spending the whole day together? Nesta wants to shudder at the mere idea of it, but she somehow… feels bad for her sister. “Maybe another time,” she promises vaguely. To provide some sort of reassurance, she adds, “I had fun today. Thanks for pulling this together.” The words are hollow, fake, and she’s probably a hypocrite for not being able to return the same sincerity she demanded from Feyre. But honesty isn’t going to get Nesta very far today, so this false politeness is the best she can manage.

Elain looks somewhat relieved, and Feyre looks disappointed but unsurprised. “Alright.” The girls nod at her. “Get home safe.”

She turns and leaves as soon as she’s given the green light.

A stale scent greets Nesta when she enters her apartment, reminding her that she hasn’t been around in days. In her defense, the winter months are easier to bear in Cassian’s heated cabin than in a poorly insulated basement.

Flicking the lights on, Nesta books it to the thermostat, her teeth nearly chattering out of her body. After turning the heat as high as it can go, she climbs beneath the covers of her bed without bothering to take her coat off. She doesn’t take out her phone to text the groupchat like she promised she would. She doesn’t even get her laptop to turn Netflix on. Rather, her focus is caught on the framed picture of her and Cassian sitting atop the dresser.

Everything was okay as she stepped out of the tea house. It wasn’t until she was inside her car that it came upon her: the whirlwind of emotions that had stayed so carefully hidden while she chatted with her sisters. All throughout the drive home, her mind kept returning to that one topic. Children.

Elain said that Nesta used to genuinely enjoy playing substitute mother when they were children, and she was right. But that was all fun and games, like playing teacher. What Elain left out was what happened after their actual mother died and their father went into debt, leaving all three girls in need of a parent figure. Nesta wasn’t a mother then—or at least, not a good one.

Now, she stares at the picture full of smiley cheeks and windblown hair, remembering the night that she realized she wanted to hold Cassian’s hand in hers.

She can’t imagine Cassian not wanting kids. They’ve never discussed it, but it’s so obvious to anyone who’s ever met him: he has too much love to give away to not one day end up with a whole brood of children. The thought makes Nesta’s stomach churn.

***

“Thanks again, guys.” Cassian shakes hands with his team as they file out of the conference room, all of them dressed professionally while he lingers in his hoodie. As soon as the last worker is out the door, he pulls out his phone, ready to shoot Nesta a message. She met up with her sisters alone today for the first time in a year, and he can’t wait any longer to find out if their brunch ended in a fight or not.

He clicks on his phone to find two texts from his brother, sent not too long ago.

Rhys: You’re in the office today for the monthly check-in, right?

Rhys: Don’t leave after the meeting is over. I’ll be there in an hour to introduce you to the new guy heading the Milan project.

Cassian frowns, confused. Rhys and the new guy are coming all the way up here to meet him? He didn’t know he was that important to the project.

While he waits for his unexpected guests, Cassian texts Nesta twice, and only receives a single short response saying she got home safe. Resolving to call and have a real conversation with her later, he gets up to change into the spare buttondown and pressed slacks he keeps in a locker in his office. If Rhys wants him to play the part of company boss, then he might as well look the part.

He’s adjusting the cuffs of his dark-colored shirt when the door to his office opens without warning, and Rhysand strides in followed by a stiff-looking young man.

Cassian eyes the stranger up and down first, trying to get a read on him the way he’s seen Nesta and Rhys read others. He doesn’t come up with a single thing, as usual, but he hopes he achieved his goal of looking intimidating.

“Cass,” Rhys greets him with a subdued nod, in full CEO mode. “This is our new hire, Keith O’Connell. I snagged him from right under Vanserra & Co.’s noses.” His near-violet eyes gleam with pride. “He’s going to be working out of Milan for us starting this summer.”

“Sounds good to me.” Cassian smiles lazily, and this is something he doesn’t need to fake—confidence. He reaches out to shake Keith’s hand. “Hi. I’m Cassian Madani.”

“Good to meet you.” The other man shakes back, but his grip is too tight, like he’s trying to break Cassian’s hand. Try-hard, a voice that sounds like Nesta tells him. Uses arrogance to cover up his insecurity.

Cassian takes it all into account as he pulls his hand away, seeing Keith through clearer eyes. His dark brown hair is slicked back with copious amounts of hair product, and a shrewd black gaze takes in every detail of the office. He stands like he’s attempting to seem taller than he actually is.

A typical white-collar worker looking for a way up the corporate ladder, Cassian concludes. Nothing he hasn’t seen before, but there must be a reason Rhys is so excited about him.

“Keith is starting here at your branch next week,” Rhys is saying when Cassian refocuses.

He blinks, unsure if he heard correctly. “What, all the way out here?” Away from Velaris in this modest mountain town?

“We agreed it was best if you two work together as closely as possible while preparing for the summer launch. Since you can’t come to Velaris, that means Keith comes here.”

Cassian looks at Rhys in astonishment. He thought that once he rejected the Milan position, he’d cleaned his hands of the job for good. Clearly he was wrong. “Just how involved am I going to be on this project?”

Rhys grins back at him. “You’ll lead from home base, of course.”

Cassian glares. Rhys responds with a look that says they’ll talk about this later.

Keith seems to find the idea of working alongside another person as distasteful as Cassian finds it unexpected, but he says anyway, “I can’t wait to start working together. I have a lot of ideas for the Italian outpost that I think you’ll appreciate.”

“I’m sure I will,” Cassian hums. “When do you start again?”

“Next Monday.”

“Then we should talk then.” Cassian gestures out the door. Keith looks taken aback, likely having expected more out of this meeting. But Cassian can’t meet with this guy until he gets a hold of what the fuck is going on. After shepherding Keith out of the office and shutting the door after him, he turns to Rhys with a raised brow.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Rhys warns. “Your role in this project is serious.”

“This project isn’t even part of my job description. What am I supposed to know about international business conductions?”

“You know enough to keep an eye on that O’Connell kid for me.” Rhys leans against Cassian’s desk as if it’s his own and crosses his feet. “He’s an asset to the company, but he also worked for our competitors up to a couple of months ago. I can’t trust him to manage this thing on his own, and I don’t have the time or resources right now to watch over him myself. That’s why the duty falls to you.”

“I manage security,” Cassian states, in case it wasn’t obvious. “What about Az?”

“Az has his own things to handle.” Rhys waves him off. “Just do what I tell you to, will you? Pay attention to O’Connell for the duration of the Italy venture and make sure he doesn’t steer our ship off course. You’ll get paid triple for the extra hours.”

“I don’t need triple,” Cassian grumbles, but Rhys is no longer listening. He’s typing on his phone and already heading for the door.

“Feyre and I are having dinner here before heading back home,” he calls over his shoulder. “See you later; I believe in you!” The door shuts after him, leaving Cassian alone.

“Yeah, yeah,” he replies to the empty room.

Cassian leaves not long after Rhysand does, having no excuse to linger. Outside, he’s greeted with a surprise leaning against the hood of his truck.

Nesta pushes off the hood as soon as he catches notice of her. “Long day?” she asks.

He laughs for the first time all afternoon, the sound surprised and genuine. “I was just thinking about you.”

“That’s why I’m here. I heard your thoughts.” There’s a light in her pale eyes that only burns whenever she looks at him. It’s the same light that powers her ability to make jokes and let her guard down around him in a way she can’t with most others, and Cassian is especially grateful for it today.

Nesta reaches out and takes his hand into hers. He watches the way their palms fit together in endless fascination, his brown fingers a stark contrast against her white ones. He squeezes once and looks back up at her. “How did meeting your sisters go? You never told me.”

The light flickers so briefly Cassian wonders if it’s a trick of his eyes. But then Nesta is there again, at full brightness. She squeezes his hand back. “Take me home. I’ll tell you all about it.”

***

a/n: i love writing stuff related to cassian’s job i’ll just be throwing random words in there and calling it business jargon

tagging: @hellasblessed @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @valkyriewarriors @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @cassianscool @swankii-art-teacher @wannawriteyouabook @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy @poisonous-bloom @observationanxioustheorist @gisellefigue08 @courtofjurdan @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @wolfiixxx @cass-nes @seashade @royaltykxx @illyrianundercover @queenestarcheron @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @humanexile @that-golden-lyre @agentsofsheilds @mercy-is-alive @cassiansbigwingspan @laylaameer01 @verypaleninja @maastrash @bow-dawn @perseusannabeth @dead-on-the-inside666 @jlinez @hungryreadingaddict @anidealiveson @planet-faerie @shallowhighwaters @ghostlyrose2 @chosenfamily-valkyriequeens @rarephloxes @readiajin @nessiantrashh @live-the-fangirl-life @ifinallygavein @xoblivisci @sjmships @jungtaekwoonie-is-life @lysandra-tiara @lanyjoy-13 @frosted-crackers @post-it-notes33 @loosingdreams @fromthelibraryofemilyj @18moneytoad @dontgetsalmonella @champanheandluxxury @togreblog

[angsty-nerd]

Meta: Echo’s Big Fight in 3x09

Let's talk about the Big Echo fight. Because wandering around in the fandom this past week, I’ve seen a lot of very specific conclusions as far as what they were or weren't arguing about, and I’m not sure my take on that scene really aligns with other folks. So let me try to break it down a bit and give y’all an alternative perspective on it.

To start with, the scene opens with Max on edge because they're breaking and entering. Liz is singularly focused on the mission, and he's kinda freaking out. Instead of responding to his concerns, Liz gets straight to business.

"Ooh, ooh, this is interesting. Heath left Genoryx two days after I did. Must have realized he didn't need to be working underneath their corporate thumb."

Liz is kinda projecting here. Heath never once displayed any discomfort with Genoryx as a company the way that she did. He wanted her to stay. He wanted the resources there. We know these things as an audience, and Liz would too if she was thinking through the big picture at this point in time.

Max, on the other hand, doesn't know any of that. Here's what Max hears from Liz: he hears surprise. He hears Liz acknowledge that this is unexpected news. And right as he’s processing this unexpected reveal...Max sees Heath's Wild Pony t-shirt.

Weird coincidence #1 from Max's POV was Heath (the guy who is currently so pissed at Liz that he won't take her calls) supposedly rescuing Liz's science out of the good of his heart so that Genoryx doesn’t get their hands on it? This doesn't add up.

Weird coincidence #2 was Heath quitting Genoryx - a decision Heath made that Liz wasn't expecting.

The Wild Pony t-shirt is now the 3rd thing that doesn't add up. And if the t-shirt clue isn't adding up for you, see my post about it here:

The T-shirt is strike 3 for Max. He can't really pretend that he's not suspicious of Heath anymore. So he broaches the subject with her.

"How much do you know about this guy, Heath? How close were you?"

Max is feeling uncomfortable and looking for more information. He's trying to make the clue make sense. Why would Heath have the T-shirt? Does he have a connection to Roswell that Liz doesn't know about? And Liz doesn’t listen.

"This isn't the time to be jealous about a boy I met."

For all that Liz is clinical and on mission, she jumps very quickly to assuming that Max is NOT on mission. Yes, Max is inherently more emotional than she is. But throughout the episode he's been asking questions about Heath and NOT JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS. That's one of the keys to me here. Max really is trying to give her the benefit of the doubt about him.

At Liz's house, he asked about "the boyfriend" but he wasn't doing it in a jealous or judgy way. If anything it could almost be interpreted as concern. He started with "were you happy" and only when Liz kind of metaphorically admitted that any happiness was a façade...that's when he brought Heath into it. And yeah, Liz says that he impacted her life and helped her grow, but she didn't exactly express romantic feelings that would make Max jealous. So when she basically jumped straight to the jealousy assumption instead of actually discussing this with him, he starts getting worked up. Because she is not hearing him. She is not acknowledging that the facts they have found during this investigation are not adding up. So he is honest and blunt about what he's thinking.

"I'm just saying it's possible that he took your one-of-a-kind alien spores and quit, so that, just like you, he could use the research himself, free of Genoryx."

Max is the one who brings the science into this conversation. Not Liz. And he's not criticizing or questioning HER application of the science. He's questioning the trustworthiness of Heath. Because the lies are starting to jump out at him like a friggin’ neon light.

BUT — now that he's specifically brought up the science, he has her attention. Because Max questioning her science is HER sore spot. So what does she say back to him? Something kinda judgy.

"That grand trust speech certainly had a short shelf life."

Side note: I really don't think there actually was a "grand trust speech" in this episode. I can think of a few scenes where there might have been an opportunity for one. In particular during the milkshake scene when he admits to saving her tapes. But they actually don't talk about trust in that scene. They talk about having hard conversations. They talk about moving forward instead of looking backwards. But they don't talk about trust. My guess is that there might have been content cut for time at some point in this episode, that may have included some grand declaration from Max, but that's really just speculation on my part.

Regardless…Liz's response to Max bringing up the science is to basically accuse him of not trusting her. Which is not what he was saying. He was not questioning her use of the science. He was questioning her trust in Heath through the context of her science. So he elaborates on what he IS saying, and as he does, he's getting more and more worked up...because this does relate directly to his personal fears, and, frankly, his buried trauma that he's never properly addressed.

"I trust you. Okay? But I don't trust some guy I have barely met with a secret that could endanger me, could endanger my family and break the frickin' Internet if it came out."

Max doesn't know Heath, and he doesn't trust Heath with a secret that could endanger Michael and Isobel. His emotions are escalating, because now he's thinking about the science that scares him in the hands of a guy that all signs points to being potentially untrustworthy, and he's triggered.

BUT he doesn't back up his argument. He doesn't point out the very specific evidence he's identified that Heath is probably lying to Liz.

And Liz is inherently reactive and sometimes overly defensive (see 1x09 list of Liz's flaws). So even though he's focused on Heath, she immediately reacts defensively and takes it as a criticism of HER.

"You think I would let myself be conned?"

"No, I think you came out here looking for a partner, and it could blind you."

*deep breath* and this is where it starts to get personal. And rough. Max isn't entirely wrong here. But he also kind of is. Liz didn't choose Genoryx for partnership. She was looking for resources, freedom to do the science she wanted to do, and to save her father from deportation.

But partnership? Yeah, Liz wanted that. But she wanted that from MAX. She was looking for partnership in life, not in science.

And now that Max has thrown that direct criticism out there, Liz is going to throw a bomb right back at him.

"Just because you sabotaged me when I thought you were mine does not mean that Heath would take the same path."

Ouch. This is the hardest line in this whole scene for me to work with. Because it is combative. And purposefully hurtful.

BUT…she is NOT TALKING ABOUT HER SCIENCE. She has not said a single word about her science in this argument. She moved past that. She had the epiphany that she was wrong and she apologized (3x03). That is in the past for her.

This argument, for Liz, is about betrayal. This is about her believing that they were going to be partners and move their lives forward together (2x12), and right when she believed in that future, Max made another massive decision that directly impacted her life (just like he did in 1x13) instead of working with her to make big decisions together.

"And just because you changed the wallpaper doesn't mean you've mended your blind spots."

I really hate this "change the wallpaper" line. It feels like they're mixing metaphors. Liz called her life a commercial. Max is saying that she's changed her decor. Like...pick one and stick with it.

That aside… I think this barb is about her arrogance. Earlier in the scene, she seemed baffled at the idea that Max believes she could have been conned by Heath, because Liz is used to always being the smartest person in the room. She thought she was smarter than Diego and he figured her out. She believed her lab was secure, but Diego (possibly) got in. Sometimes, like most scientists, Liz is so bogged down in the complicated, brilliant details she’s thinking through, that she misses simple things that contribute to the big picture. And I think that's what Max is getting at here. In her arrogance, she believes that she can control the Heath situation. But she's not acknowledging the human factor here - that Heath is a person who may have his own unspoken ulterior motives driving him. Just like Diego did. She's just not seeing what Max is seeing.

BUT - again I'll say. Max is also not communicating the scope of the evidence he is collecting. They're both wrong here.

"I have learned my lessons, but you... oh, my God, you sound an awful lot like the guy who blew up my lab. So forgive me, but you're making it perfectly clear why I felt like I had to go and change the wallpaper."

This is the only line where Liz even comes close to talking about her science, but again, she's talking about his betrayal. She's talking about him undermining their partnership. She's talking about her need for a change of scenery from HIM.

And that’s when Max blows out the safe and they put the fight on hold to finish their investigation.

But, to sum it up…the fight was all about trust and betrayal. It was necessary for them to work through it, though frankly? I wish they could have finished the discussion. Because instead of them coming to some sort of peace with their trust in each other, the truth came out about Heath, Liz realized that she was wrong, she apologized, and they moved forward together, on mission.

I can’t help pointing out though…after the fight and Liz's epiphany about Heath, Max and Liz spent at least 15 hours in a car together. And I'm sorry, I refuse to believe that they didn't talk about anything important for 15 hours. Fic writers assemble? 😆

Many thanks to @ober-affen-geil for doing a quick review and checking me on opinions vs facts. Very important.

And for my next trick… road trips, life choices, and Robert Frost! Coming soon to a Tumblr near you…

[camslightstories]

All of you

Lena Luthor x Fem. Reader

Request - Anonymous

Warnings: Angst, homophobic comments, self hatred, negative comments and thoughts. 

Notes: Hey Guys! How are you guys doing? So First of all I'm sorry for taking so much time to write and I hope you guys are doing great! My messages and asks box are always open. I think this request has been the easiest but scariest to write and I hope you would like it! It’s a little overwhelming I know but I'm here if you need a friend.

I’m always open to hear about suggestions, comments, theories and more. Right now until I get caught up with my request I'm not accepting more but when I finished all of them, I will! Hope you guys enjoy have a great day!

Taglist: @captain-josslett​ @aznblossom​ @multi-images

National City had become your home after you and your family immigrated to the US from Y/H/C. The streets that once looked mysterious now were more than familiar. The library which took your time most of the afternoons. The park that was less than a mile away from your house where you went to find calmness when you could. The small cafe restaurant right around the park where you and your family went to celebrate sometimes when your parents could afford it. The small music store in which you spent your summers working and studying during your high school years. Everything was familiar, was safe and it didn't change with time. 

You appreciated your family, you loved them and you couldn't be more grateful for them but there were times that you wish you understood them. Every day your parents had been putting pressure on your shoulders that sometimes was too hard to manage, there were comments of how you needed to look, how you needed to be, what you needed to be, and more. You kept quiet as both of your parents recited every day what was wrong with you and what needed to change.

With the passing of the years you learned to keep quiet and just go with whatever they were saying, it was easier. Easier to explain to them why you wouldn't want things, or why you would feel a certain way. And with two parents constantly reminding you how you need it to be to fit in society, you learned to keep quiet. 

There were contradicting things, and comments that made you wonder about your life with them. Things like ‘We came here for you, we had a built life in our country but we wanted you to be better, small jokes about the LGBT community jokes about people with different weight and more. They would comment on what you were wearing, what you had done with your hair, why you wouldn't put makeup on, why you wouldn't hang out like the other kids, everything had always a small comment and you learned to live with it. 

Sometimes you wished you would say something, as you cried in your bedroom until you couldn't more. You looked at the mirror and saw all of those imperfections that they had remarked, and you hated it. You hated the fact that you stood in front of a mirror and every single time there was a self-hatred coming from you.

You hated that you didn't look like they wanted as much as you tried. You hated that you weren't comfortable with everything you did even though they said that it was going to make you feel sure of yourself. You hated the fact that you couldn't go an hour, feeling like the best you could without having a comment on how you looked. How it wasn't appropriate for society, how you looked like a shadow, a scared child, someone who doesn't take care of themselves, how you just looked unpleasant even if you tried your best. 

The black combat boots you had been longing for so long had finally found a way in your feet, after months of doubts and saving you had finally got them. You moved your feet as you sat in the car on the way to the restaurant with your family since a friend of your parents was in town. 

A smile on your face as you check your outfit, a grey crew neck knitted with black mom jeans, and your small cross-body purse on your right shoulder. Without noticing you guys had arrived at the restaurant. You got out of the car, like the moon and the stars brighten the night, looking up smiling, you registered that it was the first night out your family had made a comment about how you look, and with victory, you started to walk to the sidewalk beside your family. 

Your father looked up from his phone and eyed you from head to tone in a questionable glance, before sighing as he rubbed his temples. “Y/N, you look like a homeless person. Couldn't you at least find something good to wear in that closet of yours? We are dining with the O’mells, couldn't you at least look presentable ”

“Yeah, little sis looks like princess Fiona. All ugly” Your older brother joked as he laughed loudly, hitting you in the shoulder. Your bit the inside of your mouth as the insecurities started to come into your thoughts. Rubbing your shoulder carefully because of the impact.

Your younger brother interrupted, before both of the guys started to laugh. You looked down at your shoes, as you felt a tear ran through your cheek quickly cleaning it as you heard your father clearing his throat. “Don't get me started on the horrendous shoes, what are you a lesbian?”

“You have five minutes to look presentable, put on makeup so you don't look like a zombie, and next time you are not entering with us if you don't look like the lady you should be.” He said before opening the door of the restaurant as your mother gave you the keys to the car.

“Yes sir, I will. I’m sorry, so sorry” You responded immediately only to be ignored by them. You breathed in and out as you felt the need to let the tears fall but keep quiet looking at the car window as your reflection came across it. 

Your head was so involved in your insecurities that you see the young black-haired woman that had been standing a few meters from you watching the scene unsolved.

Lena stood there captivated by you the moment you had gotten out of the car, completely forgetting the fact that she had called over a taxi. Clenching her jaw as she saw the way your family had basically shamed you. She waited until they had left and walked to where you stood in front of the car window. 

Your Y/E/C eyes staring back at yourself lost in your head. Your hands held the car keys strongly, as a way to control your insecurities. You bit your lip as your eyes raked over your face, tears invading your eyes.

She slowly approached you before touching your shoulder softly. You flinched as she did, and turned around immediately with a concerned expression on your face. Your eyes looked down apologizing only for two green eyes to be looking right at you. 

Her black hair falling on her shoulder, a green tucked-in shirt, and a concerned expression hidden behind the charming smile of the woman. Immediately speaking as she kept eye contact. “Hi, I’m Lena”

“I’m Y/N, Y/N Y/L/N” You responded introverted after a second with fidgeting hands.

“Lovely name, for a charming person” She stated flirtatiously with a smile. You looked at the green-eyed woman confused, the older woman tilted her head as you immediately looked behind you curiously because of her comment. 

Noticing Lena’s expression you pointed at yourself, and the woman seemed to understand perfectly, nodding rapidly with a smile on her face before speaking. “You are quite lovely, and I would love to offer you dinner if you want tomorrow?”

“I-” You started as your insecurities flowed in. You were looking at the black-haired woman apologetically, only to stop as you looked over to the window to see your family on one of the tables smiling and laughing with the O’mells. 

Looking away from them, you looked down and back up. Glancing at her before finishing talking as fast as you could, letting out a sigh which converted into a small smile when the green-eyed woman laughed as she put her hand out, asking for your phone. “Yeah, I would love to”

“Okay then. Here is my number darling. See you tomorrow at 7 here then.” She stated rapidly as her hand lingered on your phone, while you annotated your number on her phone. 

A taxi stopped in front of the restaurant making the black-haired look away from you as she sighed. Lena walked closer leaving a small kiss on the palm of your hand before walking away. A redness crept on your cheeks as she did, making you look at the ground. 

---

Ten months, ten great months. With hidden moments that made your heart flutter every time. Kisses that grounded you, comments that made you blush furiously, cuddles after hard days, dates that you wished to be never-ending, and moments that you cherish every second of it. Your insecurities and fears were forgotten by the comments Lena made, only coming out on small moments that were inevitable, moments when you felt the self-hatred coming back, moments where you loved everything except yourself. 

The soft smell of plumerias invaded your nose as you sat in the university library, books surrounding your table as you studied with handwriting on the notebook and the other rubbing your temple while reading through the book in front of you. 

You kept studying until a soft hand touched your waist softly, immediately you moved away looking at the person weirdly ready to argue with the person only to find your girlfriend in her business attire. The bouquet was full of plumerias on one of her hands and a large bag of food on the other hand with a charming smile on her face as she sat next to you.

Your face lightened up speaking and immediately blushed when she reached for your cheek leaving a small peak on it, trying to remove the evident red mark on your cheek she rubbed it softly with her hands. “Babe! What are you doing here?”

“Hello, love. I wanted to see you, plus I knew you weren’t gonna eat anything because of your research project and I miss you” She responded immediately smiling widely.  

You tilted your head before shaking your head carefully looking at her before looking down to the carpet floor as you responded. “I miss you too, you didn’t have to come all the way here. You are a busy woman Lee, I’m not supposed to waste your time-”

“Darling, don't ever doubt that you are wasting my time. To me it's the best and most important part of my day is when I'm with you” She interrupted bringing your face up with her finger, closing the distance between the two of you immediately with a short breathtaking kiss. With your cheeks burning red, the two of you rested your foreheads with each other as she spoke softly looking at you as if you were the most precious thing on the planet, and with that glint in her eyes, she made you believe it. 

---

The different laughs are heard on the balcony as the rest of Lena’s friends and somewhat your friends sat on the living room floor. Screaming, laughing, eating, and competing in another game night. You stand on the balcony with a wine cup and your phone answering the text your dad had sent you. Your dry and immediate response was already answered with a goodbye. Your fingers hovering over the keyboard as you hesitated and typed the wanted message only to remove it immediately as you took every last drop of the wine on your glass. 

Staring at the lighted city, you wondered. You wondered if you were finally ready, you wondered if the feeling of happiness and butterflies in your chest would ever become pain again, you wondered if what your family had said over the years was true, you wondered if Lena would ever get tired of you, if she would wake up one day and realize the butterflies she once had for you were now gone, you wondered until you felt the familiar presence of your girlfriend hugging you from behind. 

She murmured into your neck, as she rested her chin on your shoulder. Your scented shampoo and fragrance filling her nose makes her leave small kisses on your cheek while speaking “Are you okay?”

“I want to tell my parents, Lee” You immediately admitted turning around meeting the sight of your girlfriend. Her hair was down with small waves on the end, her oversized button-up shirt you usually wore in her apartment with rolled sleeves and some of the bottoms completely open revealing some of her freckles on her cleavage.

A sincere look of confusion, worries, and happiness on her face. Grabbing both of your hands delicately she spoke when you kept silent and started to fidget with your fingers. Rubbing the palm of your hand softly as she spoke. “Y/N, love, are you sure? Whatever you want to do, whenever, and however. I'm always going to be by your side”

When the words came out of her mouth, she didn't hesitate to bring you into a warm embrace, holding you close by the waist as you rested your head on her shoulder. The two of you swaying slowly at the sound of the music Kara had put on the TV while you spoke softly looking up to kiss her only to be interrupted by a yelling voice. “Thank you-” 

“You took my potsticker! Lena, Alex took my potsticker!” Kara yelled, glaring at Alex. Alex kept her challenging stance glaring at her sister, Sam, and Lucy choking down the laugh as the Danvers Sisters kept up. 

“You ate mine! Y/N come and defend my honor, your best friend's honor” Alex shouted desperately, making you laugh as you looked at Lena, seeing her chuckled before walking inside separating the two when she took the other box of potstickers out of the refrigerator, both of them running to the kitchen to either side of the black-haired woman.

You laughed as you saw Lena scold your best friend and her best friend, making them walk back to the sofa giving the potstickers to Sam and Lucy and leaving some for you and her. The Danvers duo sitting on the floor as they started to shuffle the cards quietly, pouting making everyone else laughed with you. 

---

The silence that overwhelmed the car made your heart rate somewhat faster, thoughts, possibilities, doubts, and insecurities running through your head. As your now white knuckles were gripping the steering wheel. The sunlight of the afternoon made the pressure increase, the smell of the variety of pastries on the back of your girlfriend's car

Lena watched you worried as you sat quietly. It had been half an hour since you guys had arrived and there wasn't any movement from you, she wouldn't even know if you were breathing if your chest wouldn't move when you did. Worried now as she feared you hurting yourself, mentally. She decided to speak up softly putting her hands on top of yours which immediately softened in her hands. “Y/N/N, if you don’t-”

“I do, I'm ready” You pleaded while looking over at her, meeting her careful glance.

She responded, giving a small kiss on the cheek as you grabbed the pastries. Making you nod slowly as you got out of the car. “Okay, love. I'm right here by your side”

As you knocked on the door, the nerves that were once quiet now were rigging in your ears loudly. Your little brother opened the door and went to say something only to stop when his gaze fell on Lena, immediately accommodating his posture before opening the door completely with a smile on his face, to which Lena responded with another smile.

“Hey Jo, it's everyone here?” You asked for his attention only making him scoff, you shifted uncomfortably in your feet. A small voice in your head repeating the name again and again like a song as you stepped to the side.

He answered before extending his hand to your girlfriend. Lena looked at him weirdly, controlling her feelings when the 16-year-old kid called you that but kept the fake smile for your sake. “Yeah, but aren't you gonna present your charming friend? Thought you were better than that Fiona”

“I’m Joseph, you can call me anytime” He flirted with the green-eyed woman only to be ignored completely. 

She claimed following your glance at the pictures on the wall. Various family photos on them and also photos of your brothers with awards and trophies and only a few of them of you. “Lena”

“Y/N is here and she brought company!” Your older brother yelled as you stood in the middle of the living room, Lena by your side. 

Lena looked around as the two of you stood waiting for your parents, the house was completely clean, without a spot of dust in any place. Pillows, blankets, photos, books, and everything was perfectly placed, at first it seemed comfortable, cozy, and homey until she realized the fact that it looked too perfect. To perfect to be happy, to perfect to be comfortable, to perfect to make mistakes, to perfect to be yourself.

Your older brother was sitting on one of the edges of the couch with his phone in hand, glancing at Lena flirtatiously as she stood by your side. Your younger brother was leaning against the door frame texting when your parents came out of the kitchen. 

They looked at you curiously before speaking. Your Dad immediately commented on what you were wearing before extending his hand to take Lena’s. You gulped down when Lena looked at you when you kept quiet only responding as respectfully as she could.  “Couldn’t you at least look presentable?... Welcome to our home, I’m Y/F/N”

“Lena, Lena Luthor” She responded respectfully, shaking his hand and giving your mother a small smile. 

Your older brother, Nick, questioned as he looked at you up and down, rolling his eyes right before glancing at Lena flirting “And how in the world did Scar score to be Lena Luthor’s friend?

Lena looked at you shocked when you kept quiet and avoided her glance. She was about to counter back a response only to be stopped by the sound of your voice.

Clear worry and fear in it. You fidget with your hands after you set the box of pastries aside hearing your mom commenting “Yeah, darling put those there before you look like all of those people on the TV, horrendous” 

Lena clenched her fist and kept her head high, her expression slowly with each comment changing into her CEO character. Tensed muscles, head high, fake plastered smiles, and the confidence like she had the whole world in her hands. Even though her whole world was standing less than a foot away from her.

“I wanted to tell you guys something,” You said, taking a step towards them. All of your family watching curiously.

“I’m Y/S/T and she is my girlfriend, Lena” you continued as Lena took your hand for support. Your breathing had gotten quicker and the tears of fear in your eyes were evident, with a trembling lip as you spoke.

“That’s a good joke” Your younger brother responded letting out a small laugh while the rest of your family kept silent looking between you and your girlfriend. 

“Just because you decided to look unpleasant all the time, making no guy ever attracted to you so you know decided to be with a woman” Your father was the first one to get out of the trance scoffing in annoyance and anger. 

Your mother gasped yelling, with anger in her voice. “It’s a sin, Y/N!”

“It's a sin, Y/N. We are Christians just because you're immature and hideous and nobody is attracted to you, means you are going to break the rules, young lady” Your father claimed getting closer to you with a demanding voice, his finger pointing at you threat making you take a step back.

You pleaded to take a shaky step closer to him, only to immediately flinch as he screamed angrily. “Dad, plea-”

“NO! Absolutely no! We are not going to accept your idiotic tactics, just because you can't find someone to love you! Newsflash Y/N, like that you won't ever!” He screamed angrily, taking a step closer, making Lena step in with her CEO stand in front of you grabbing your family’s attention. 

Tears came slowly out of our eyes as you looked down, biting your lip to keep the soft whimpers and sobs that were coming out. Your dad eyed the black-haired woman up and down before stepping back letting out a sarcastic laugh, making your girlfriend raise her eyebrow in question to him.

“And her! Do you really believe someone will love you? And will be attracted to you? A woman you know how complicated women are with their taste. You need to get the thought in your head that if you don't change. YOU WON'T EVER FIND LOVE!” He shouted. 

“You have no reason nor sentiment to treat her like that!” Lena claimed as she stepped in front of your father. Clenched fits with white knuckles, a threatening stand, and an intense glare with a clenched jaw containing her anger.

You took a step forward putting a hand in her bicep making her turn around immediately, recognizing the soft touch of your hand. You spoke softly only to be interrupted by your mother’s yelling. “Lee, please. It doesn't matter-”

“Out of my house! NOW! And never ever come back until you change from being an abomination” She yelled as she slapped you, making you gasp before walking out of the door with tears coming down your eyes. 

Lena glanced at them finding pain, hatred, insecurities, and more. The soft makeup you had on your face had become black spots on your face. Your Y/E/C colored eyes were hidden behind the redness. A red evident mark on your face where your mother’s hand had made contact with your skin. Every single detail made her angrier and angrier by second, losing control at the side of you hurting. 

“She is perfect just the way she is, a completely passionate, sweet, kind, emphatic, wonderful, selfless person. And she is so much more of what you guys told her, she is perfect” Lena snapped as she felt the anger take over.

How dare they treat you like that? How dare they tell you those things? How could you stand to all of that? How dared they thought and said things like that of you? How couldn't they see the amazing human you were?

“This is my house-” Your father started as he looked at her angrier with a challenging look on his face in which your girlfriend returned.

She said, taking a step back, raging herself soothing her black dress. “It may be your house but first I will have to be dead for you or anyone else to treat the person who is my whole world like that” 

“You know, you guys may think she is a complete mistake, abomination, and more but she is perfect, she is the person I fall in love with every single minute more and more. You guys are the ones losing the greatest thing in your life, I feel sorry for you but the truth is you don't deserve, hell I don't even deserve her. Have a great day and I think it's a little over the top but if any of you tries to reach Y/N just to be like that then I can sure I will make your life a living hell” She finished letting out a smile of satisfaction when all of them clenched their jaws and kept quiet before walking out. Leaving your family madly quiet in the living room.

Your knees were high and pressed into your chest as the furiously streams of tears came down. Somehow the smell of Lena in the car calmed you, the sweet smell of mint and lavender invaded your nose. The only sound you could hear was your heavy breathing. The passenger leather seat felt uncomfortable, the salted flavor of your tears on your lips as you cried, everything felt wrong as the thoughts and insecurities run through your head.

Everything they said was true.

You are an abomination, nothing and no one will love you.

So full of imperfections, so full of horrible things, full of-

“Love? I need you to breathe with me. In and out, darling please” You heard her pleaded as she grabbed your hand, noticing the way everything felt too close, too overwhelming, too bad. 

Lena kept stroking your back as she kept your hand close to her chest making you feel the way her chest rises and falls trying to make you follow it. Your eyes kept staring at her hand with yours as your sobs started to calm down, and everything began to zoom out. In a blinking moment, you stumbled into your girlfriend's arms, holding her tight, hiding in her chest making Lena hold you as close as she could trying to keep her own tears out when she saw how hurt you were. With her reassuring and words, the minutes passed slower than usual.

“I’m sorry” You murmured repeatedly into her neck, as she started to stroke your hair. When tears began to fall again from your eyes. 

She didn't wait for another second to bring your face to rest on her forehead, both of you sharing an Eskimo kiss. The closest, the comfort of it brought you happiness and butterflies in your stomach which were abruptly kicked out when the thought of what your family said came back to you.

You pulled away meeting green tearful eyes, which made your heartbreak more. The voice in your head telling you it was all your fault, that she wouldn't want you anymore or that she ever wanted you because your family had opened her eyes to what you truly were. With a shaky and broken voice, you commented fearfully as you glanced back to her eyes and your trembling hands. Scared of what was going to happen next, scared of everything as you tried to hold on to the happiness she had made but you knew the moment, Lena would say the words. You will break in million pieces, beyond repair and everything would feel worse than it was before because you had met your sun and without it, the night would remain constantly reminding you of her  “It’s okay if you don’t want me anymore, I know what they said it's true-”

“Y/N, what they said wasn't true. You are far away from what they said you are perfect and wonderful and I don't know how they can see you like that because all I can see is my whole world, the love of my life, my person” She interrupted cleaning your tears with her thumbs as she grabbed your face by the cheeks bringing you closer to her slowly. 

Holding you like if you were glass, afraid of breaking it, afraid of losing it or damaging it because to her you were the best thing in her life and she wasn't going to let you go. It was the moment your eyes met, when you saw, heard, and felt everything. There was an understanding of what the two of you meant, all the love, all the happiness, and the pain, everything was there standing freely in silence. 

In a silence that made you believe it, she made you believe every word, every action, and the love and comfort which radiated out of her expression made you forget everything. The comforting and loving silence was more than enough to let everything behind, to dream of the desired future you both wanted. It was perfect, you wouldn't change a thing of what you were feeling or what had happened because everything led to that moment, the moment you knew you were going to be okay, the moment you realize that for the first time in your life you felt like enough, the first moment in your life you called something that was part of you perfect. The happiest moment of your life for now.

[kindaeccentric]

When I was writing my university bachelor's degree thesis (that I'm still to defend) about Penny Dreadful as a modern adaptation of Frankenstein I noticed how the original novel's homoeroticism is realized by the series in an interesting way.

In the way he is presented, it seems to me that Victor secretly desires men, but thinks that only through creating a perfect one by himself he's allowed to touch other man's skin. His endeavour to pierce the veil between life and death is an excuse, since Victor from the series grew up lonely after the death of his mother and he searches for companionship, for someone who would love him unconditionally, like his mother used to. He believes he can find such love only in a person he creates himself, brings from the dead, and who would see him as his only friend, calm and obedient. Yet his first instinct is to make a man, not a woman, and a handsome man at that.

I can imagine both Rory Kinnear and Alex Price are not everybody's cup of tea (I do find them attractive, they are quite charismatic), but the way the original Creature and Proteus are shown makes them attractive. Proteus we see through Victor's eyes, when he is tending to his body before its even reanimated, when he sketches him (a sure sign of affection) and when he teaches him how to eat in a way that becomes seductive, because of how the camera lingers on his lips and then, in a closeup, on his fingers running down his long throat, immediately bringing to mind erotic imagery. Some may argue that Victor tries to emulate the relationship between his mother and himself taking the parental role and projecting onto Proteus the role of his childhood self, and as much as it is partially true, their relationship bears these marks of hidden desire on Victor's part from the start. The image at the end of the first episode when Proteus is born shows Victor trembling, teary-eyed, looking at the body, a torn and stitched back together, but human body, of a naked man. He's afraid, but not necessarily of the man, but of finally getting what he wanted, it's a fear resulting from excitement. Then the man is touching his face tenderly and Victor, still trembling, cannot stop himself from a little smile. Their faces are softly illuminated by the orange light of the gas lamp, creating an intimate atmosphere of a warm bedroom. Victor practically gasps hearing his own name smoken by Proteus. I doubt all of it was intentional in the way I read it, but it doesn't change the fact that the final scene can be easily interpreted this way.

Then the original Creature, with the violence surrounding his return, presents him as highly masculine, smart, powerful, a direct opposite to the delicate, clueless Proteus Victor could easily form into whatever he wanted. The Creature throughout the entire series is perceived as ugly by some and easily tolerated by others, making his ugliness purely subjective, since, despite his small deformities he remains strangely alluring with his gothic qualities (black long hair, black lips, white skin, yellow eyes, proportional features) of a dark brooding gentleman. With blood on his face he becomes vampire-like (vampires always a symbol of hidden desires and 'depraved' sexuality, the Creature and Victor becoming a mirror image of Vanessa and vampire Mina, both Creature's and Mina's monstrosity an indirect result of Victor's and Vanessa's desire towards having a same-sex companion). The Creature touches Victor's face, a callback to Proteus doing it, but the Creature is not gentle, he smears blood all over Victor's face (blood in vampire narratives was always a symbol for other bodily fluids, that's why it seems so sexy, it also gained another meaning in the 80s, due to the HIV epidemic, which no filmmaker can shake off if they tried, I could discuss it more with The Lost Boys, but no time for that right now).

The dynamic between Victor and the Creature is a reversal of Victor's budding relationship with Proteus, experience winning over innocence. Victor is under another man's rule, and it terrifies him, because it would force him into a position of having to admit his attraction, whereas as the one in control he could have still easily deny it. The Creature, with all his attributes, symbolizes carnal love, he's all 'body', where Proteus was virginal, pious love (to an extent). In one of the scenes where we see Proteus he looks up into the skylight at Victor's apartment and appears angelic, as if in a halo of white light.

It's revealed Victor never had a woman, and the series wants the viewer to believe it's because of his awkwardness and passion for science that consumed him, but his dedication to creating himself male companions instead of searching for a living female one is exactly what makes him seem more queer coded.

It's clear that the lack of paternal figure results in Victor quickly becoming close with older men he encounters (Sir Malcolm, Van Helsing), but it also puts him into a position where he's constantly surrounded by men, with whom he feels more at ease, and is intimidated by women. The rivalry between him and Ethan is that of siblings, until the moment when Ethan teaches him how to shoot a gun. It might be a stretch (it is a bit of a stretch, I admit), but a gun often, especially in horror, alongside a knife, represents manhood and masculine power. Victor allows Ethan to touch him and encourages him to show off with the gun, which is a scene all too familiar from many other movies where the role of Victor is reserved for a woman and the interaction is flirtatious (can't pull examples out of thin air, but if you saw over 1400 movies like me you know I'm not lying). All this adds to the general image of Victor.

The Creature and Victor, when they are on a walk, have a very revealing conversation in which the Creature points out how quick Victor was to grow attached to his more perfect man, and Victor doesn't deny it, he admits that he did in fact feel affection towards Proteus, although the meaning of it as the scorned past partner expressing jealousy over the love he didn't get while someone else did is largely subtext. When the Creature says that he's lonely, Victor answers 'I cannot love you' (paraphrase, because I can't find the exact quote right now) and the Creature, disillusioned, mocks him, 'I do not want what you cannot give' suggesting that Victor, by making himself a meek obedient man, is selfish, cruel, manipulating, and a coward, therefore could not have loved Proteus truly. Then again, Victor cannot bring himself to love his original Creature, because he's not the ideal man he envisioned and by then the Creature being too aware of his flaws of character. The Creature/Caliban/John Clare knows that Victor is 'monstrous', not just because he's someone who desecrates dead bodies, plays God and abandons his creation, but because of his queer desire. It's important that in the case of Penny Dreadful 'monstrosity' signifies many different things, literal (being a vampire werewolf, witch, and so on), metaphorical (bad deeds, like letting your son die a horrible death, cheating, killing etc.) and wholy subjective, merely condemned by ignorant society (Sembene's blackness, Brona's sex work, Lily's want to be equal or greater than men, Vanessa's want for sexual freedom, the Creature's ugliness, Angelique being transgender and other cases), so it's NOT that much of a stretch this time.

We also have the whole problem with Lily. Victor is so attached to Lily (who takes up both Elizabeth's and creature's bride parts in the novel) because he believes that only by possessing a good woman he'll be redeemed for his 'sinful' desires, but he's foolish to think that. This belief reduces a woman to a semi-maternal, semi-virginal angelic ideal with no sexual urges or agency, like virgin Mary. Lily is a true replacement for Victor's mother, and his imagined redemption. As long as she's similar to Proteus, in that she's not sexual, and pure like an angel. Yet Lily is not a woman in that sense. She is another of Victor's creatures, so she partially also takes over the role of the original Creature from the novel, a male. She's not an ideal of a Victorian obedient wife, she has power, or tries to have it, but power in the context of patriarchal society is masculine by nature. The moment she drops her pretenses of a weak delicate wife-like girl Victor does not want her like this. He doesn't want a woman that is sexually liberated, because he doesn't like women in this way, and yet, by being similar to the first Creature (from Victor's perspective, from hers John Clare is similar to Victor-a man, I could delve into Brona's sexuality, but later, this thing is already way longer than I intended) she's 'the man' he wanted.

There is also Henry. Henry Jekyll takes the role of his namesake in the novel, Henry Clerval, Victor's closest friend, and a character most often cited to have homoerotic tension with Victor. It's true that some of the eroticism might be accidental, stemming from the prevalence of homosocial interactions in 'Frankenstein' which in turn is a result of misogynistic nature of 19th century Genevian society and in-novel universe reflecting it, but like I mentioned before, it still feeds into the queer reading of the text and translates beautifully into Jekyll and Victor being both extremely misogynistic towards Lily and their mutual homoerotic tension. In the scenes where Henry purposes his plan to Victor he practically seductively purrs it into his ear, Lily becomes merely a female buffer that allows for that interaction, a female presence which is an excuse for male closeness (here I have a couple of examples actually: Dead Ringers, Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, Scream (in a roundabout way, through murder) and a couple others, but that deserves its own article). I won't even mention more references to the novel, because that's a lot already.

Penny Dreadful, although I believe largely unintentionally, expands on what is already there through the changes it introduces in relation to the novel's plot. I have nothing else smart to say, I just think it's worth considering.

*I use the word 'queer', because that's the umbrella term we use in academic writing for years now and even our lgbt+ group at university is called 'queer', so don't come at me with stupid takes

[cloud9in]

Promises (Poppy x MC) Part (2/?)

Read Part ONE (summary for fic is there)

ITS BEEN A MINUTE. @iamsimpforpoppy I hope you’re still around to read :P I love this story lol. Hope you guys do too!!!

Word Count (2.8k)

Bea and Poppy’s relationship became official a month after their initial meeting. One would say they moved quickly, too quickly. But every love story is different. This one in particular seemed to have little to none flaws, if you ignored the fact that Bea was promoted to Carter’s right hand woman in the Southside Spades.

 They did end up having that conversation after all.

 “…Are you sure Carter? I mean this is a huge deal and a special role-“

 “If I didn’t think you were capable you wouldn’t be here right now Goldilocks.”

 Carter winked and clinked his half empty beer bottle against Bea’s, who surprisingly had a nearly full bottle. He took note of the abnormality. 

 The blonde instinctively rolled her eyes at the nickname, “Okay but that name has to go. We need codenames……ooooh how about bimbo and himbo.” 

 “I’m guessing…..no, hoping I’m the himbo?!” Carter comments as he promptly tries to stop the laugh escaping from his lips.

 “Mmmmmmm, I’ll get back to you on that.”

 They share a laugh and Bea feels Carter’s gaze latch onto her in her peripherals. She could sense the shift of energy in the space between them, it almost felt uncomfortable, and that was something she never felt with Carter. “I never asked you if you were okay with such a role. If you aren't, I understand completely, I just want the best for you.”

 The blonde eyes soften at his comment and she looks at him, “never doubted that, where is this going though because you never express your feelings like a normal human being.”

 He pulls on the strings of her hoodie until it completely caves around her face, burying her whole.

 “Hey asshole!” 

 “That’s for talking too much.”

 Bea yanks her hoodie open and sticks her tongue out in a mock expression. “Oh boohoo. Poppy literally says the same thing, I don’t get it. I talk, it’s a problem. I don’t talk, it’s an even BIGGER problem. Damn a girl can’t ever exist in peace.”

 Carter places his bottle flat on the table and studies the blonde’s face. 

 She kept rambling on about her new girlfriend and the gang leader didn’t know it was possible to feel happy yet anxious at the same time. He was aware of when they entered the talking stage, went on their first date, and finally became official, because Bea told him everything. As much as the experience of being in a real relationship was new to her, Bea looked up to him and somehow she knew Carter would give her the best guidance possible. 

 It didn’t stop him from worrying. Like an older brother would. He feared the two would mix, and everyone knows that love and crime will eventually combust. He is no stranger to it.  

 “Bea.”

 “Did you know she stole one of my hoodies and actually won’t give it back?? What am I supposed to do, just take it? No she’d murder me.”

 “Jackson.”

 Her voice slowly dies down after sensing the seriousness in his tone. She takes a sip of her beer to ease the silence that sat in the air, and Carter responds shortly after.

 “You know I trust you with my life right? You’re very important to me, kid.” 

 “I know.”

 Guilt was a feeling he chose to lock away in an unbreakable box and bury six feet deep. There couldn’t be guilt in a lifestyle like this. But Bea was his only exception. And she was slowly bringing that box back up to the surface. 

 “I need you to promise me that you won’t let these two worlds collide.”

 “Carter….”

 “One of you will get hurt. And I won’t forgive myself if it’s you.”

 He leaves Bea at the table, the remnants of his comment still replaying in her head. She pulls out her phone and sees a text from Poppy on her lockscreen. 

 Other Half 💗❤️‍🔥- Can’t wait to see you tomorrow 😘 

 The blonde smiles unconsciously and opens the message to respond.

 I’m missing you like crazy. I have a special surprise for you.

 Other Half 💗❤️‍🔥- You know I highly dislike surprises, just tell me. 

 And ruin the surprise? You must be crazier than I thought. 

 Other Half 💗❤️‍🔥- Jackson.

 Patience babe…tomorrow it is. 

 Bea clicks her phone shut and slips it back into her pocket before downing the rest of the beer. 

***

“You know your hand on my ass only makes them stare even more Jackson?”

 Bea bites her lips and gropes the blonde’s plump backside shamelessly while slowly whispering into her ear.

 “That’s the point, princess.”

 Poppy shivers almost instantly at the boldness. “Is this the surprise you were talking about?” Bea doesn’t answer, instead trailing her hand up Poppy’s skirt. This was definitely not the time and place for such behavior but she was clearly still learning everything about her girlfriend. 

 And it definitely felt good to call her that.

 “Since when did you get so brazen? You know you’re exactly the type of person my daddy told me to stay away from.”

 Bea laughs at that statement and wraps her arm around the blonde’s waist, “yeah? And why’s that?”

 “Well I can’t ask him now, he might rough you up and that’s my job.” 

 Poppy could feel the stares of everyone burning into them, but she could only focus on the blonde cuddled up against her. The shorter girl wouldn’t call herself an attention whore, but she sure loved the PDA that Bea projected without a care. It felt nice to be genuinely admired in public rather than putting on a mask everyday. 

 But it’s safe to say that Poppy preferred all the handsy stuff to happen in private. 

 “Do you want to grab dinner with me tonight Pops?”

 “Am I picking the place?”

 “…Yes.”

 “Then yes.”

 Bea rolls her eyes at the blonde’s downright shady self but smiles nevertheless. 

 “Now don’t cancel on me out of the blue. I will not be thrilled about it.”

 “Shouldn’t I be telling you this? Your dad always has something going on in his business that somehow has to involve you too.”

 Poppy sighs and glances over at Bea, “well you know I’ll have to take over eventually. Especially since I’m legally allowed to handle deals now.”

 “I hate that word. Legal. Ugh.” 

 The shorter girl scoffs and plants her hands on her hips, “yeah I bet you do.”

***

Bea dragged open her closet in search of clothes for dinner tonight but the dinging noise of a text distracts her. 

 C-Dog🖤- Need you tonight. Something came up, meet us at the garage.

Bea wanted to thank the gods up above that she didn’t promise Poppy that she’d show up for dinner. But that wasn’t going to save her from the fury of the blonde. Good thing it can’t get worse than that, right….?

Only it was. And Poppy will probably beat her up herself, if she wasn’t dead by the next day. 

Bea’s mind and heart races as she digs her brain for a proper excuse to tell her girlfriend, but is very unsuccessful. She’s good at drug dealing though. 

 Going with the good ole truth never really hurt right?

 Baby I’m so sorry I won’t be able to make it tonight. Got held up with the gang. I know I’m an asshole, I’ll keep in touch I swear. 

 Other Half 💗❤️‍🔥- What else could I expect from my gang banger girlfriend 🙄 please stay safe..

 You know I always do.

 Other Half 💗❤️‍🔥- Do I? We need to talk about this tomorrow.

 Of course Pops.

 Other Half 💗❤️‍🔥- Call me every chance you get or I swear I’ll track you and trust me you do not want me to do that.

 Yeah she definitely doesn’t. Especially since Carter sounded frantic over the phone. The last thing Bea needed was a paranoid girlfriend, so she played it cool like always. 

 Just simple stuff baby girl, talk soon.

 ***

“…What do you mean it’s gone?! So where is it? Do you know what this means Carter??”

 The gang leader sighs frustratingly, rubbing his eyes in efforts to gain some stability. “The product was here, and now it is not. Which can only mean it was stolen. And when I find out which son of a bitch did it, they’re dead.”

 “In the meantime, we are dead”, Bea emphasizes wildly. “This is the Red Raven gang we’re talking about. If they get any inclination that we lost their drugs, they’ll kill and replace us. No mercy. None.”

The blonde paces back and forth trying not to think about buying a plane ticket to Timbuktu. 

Carter approaches Bea and plants his hands on her shoulder, “breathe Jackson. You are my partner. The leader of this gang. So get it out of your system and start being rational.”

 The blonde lets her shoulders sag as she inhales and exhales in place for a while. The minute she’s grounded she catches Carter’s gaze and her eyes light up. “List. I need a list of whoever went in the room with all of the product. We need to narrow it down.”

***

“Jackson you’re a fucking genius.”

 “It’s called having common sense but I’ll take the praise. It’s the only one I’m getting from you anyways.”

 Carter resisted the urge to pick a fight with the younger girl, because finding stolen drugs and not getting killed seemed like a much better idea. 

 Bea figured out that Henry, one of the newly recruited members of SS was a thief, or maybe just a crackhead. Same thing. He was the last to be in that room so all eyes were on him, and guns.

 “Heyyy buddy. Henry right?”

 The shorter man trembled at the sight of a gun lodged right into his mouth. “Mmmm!”

 “Oh I’m sorry, did you want to say something? Here let me just”, Bea clicks the gun which only causes the thief to panic even more. It was almost pitiful. 

 “Alright lay off the poor sucker.” 

 Bea pulls the gun out of his mouth and sits down on a stool in front of Henry with a grin. “So…where is the stash darling?” 

 He points almost immediately to a built in storage locker with a shaky finger. 

 “Ohhh well that was so easy Henry! Glad you could comply. You should tell your friends to be more like you. But…between me and you, they might already be dead”, Bea whispers that last part slowly, smirking when Henry’s lip quivers violently. 

 “Please just do it already! Why are you guys waiting?”

 Bea raised an eyebrow in surprise and glanced over at Carter who scanned the man’s face intensely. “I guess he wants to die? Talk about kinks I mean come on”

 “No.”

 Carter reaches his arm out towards Bea but never takes his eyes off Henry. The blonde watches in confusion until she realizes the thief is looking behind her, and so is Carter.

 “It’s a setup Bea, duck!”

 She dived for the ground quicker than lightning as a bullet flies through the air, leaving a trail of dust behind. Carter ducks for cover as well and starts firing rounds towards the men who snuck up on them. He managed to hit three of them but one grabs Bea by the leg and drags her against the rough concrete. 

 “Son of a- get your dirty hands off of my Dr. Martens. My girlfriend bought me these!”

 A swift kick to the face shut the blonde up real quick but she manages to recoil and send the man sprawling backwards into a row of barrels. 

 Carter guns him down and Bea finds her footing, pistol in hand and a thirst for revenge. But they never stopped coming. 

 Her and Carter were left battered and bruised, but alive. Their product was gone again though. But atleast they were alive. Carter told her that it was a theft mission primarily and neither of them were meant to die. But it only made Bea wonder who those people were.

 And why were they kept alive?

***

“Beatriz Naomi Jackson what the actual fuck?!”

 “Oh not the middle name…”

 Bea tries to avoid Poppy’s killer gaze as she surveys the damage that had been done to her girlfriend’s torso, legs, and face. 

 The strawberry blonde could barely mutter a word. Her mouth opened and closed in brief shock before collapsing next to the injured girl. 

 Bea could see the tears flowing down her rosy cheeks, which contrasted her porcelain skin. “Poppy…are you crying? I..please don’t..”

 “What do you expect me to do Bea? It kills me to see you hurt like this. Who did it? Tell me!” The blonde chokes on her own words as her hands hovers cautiously over Bea’s wounds, afraid to make her feel pain.

 “No I can’t tell you. I mean…I didn’t expect this to happen. It was a setup and we were outnumbered-“

 “We need to get you to a hospital Bea oh my god.”

 The blonde knew that she couldn’t go there. Not with the cops on the scene of the shootout, and actively looking for the people involved. Aka her and Carter. He told her to lay low and heal up, but she didn’t expect Poppy to be sitting on her bed waiting for her when she got home. The initial look on her face made Bea regret ever choosing this life. 

 She regrets it ever since being with Poppy. But it’s like a drug, once you start it’s hard to stop. 

 “I’ll call my father, he has the best doctors available and we’re gonna get your the right treatment and-“ 

 Poppy immediately cuts off, her eyebrows scrunching up until she realizes something. “Wait…what do you mean you were outnumbered Bea?” 

 Bea swallows heavily, praying that this conversation couldn’t escalate further, but that isn’t the case. 

 “Bea, answer me”

 “It..it was just me and Carter. We didn’t think there would be an ambush. We had just gone there to get goods we lost.”

 “And where is Carter? Does he know you’re like this right now? Did he leave you, I swear to god Bea if he left you…” Poppy’s voice cracks as her whole body shivers in violent waves. 

 Bea pulls her girlfriend in for a hug even though it causes every inch of her body to sting harshly. It was the comfort that she needed though. Watching Poppy breakdown over the sight of her was too much, and she began to contemplate everything. 

 “Pops listen to me, I cannot go to the hospital right now. There are cops looking for us.” The strawberry blonde stares at her until she understands the velocity of Bea’s words. 

 “Fine. But there will be a doctor that will come to treat you at my house. And you’re coming, I don’t want to hear it.” 

 Bea knew not to protest that. It was quite obvious this whole incident has left both parties distraught and she didn’t want to try and tell Poppy how to feel. 

 “Just tell me something. Are you in immediate danger? Is someone trying to harm you right now.”

 The blonde chose her words carefully. Because even after coming home beaten to a pulp, she still couldn’t tell the love of her life the full truth. 

 “No Poppy, they just wanted the drugs. They got what they wanted. I’m not in danger.”

 For now.

 “I will be okay.”

 I hope.

 “Don’t lie to me Jackson. I can’t do this if you lie. You promised me you wouldn’t get to the point where you’d have to choose between me and the gang.”

 “I know Poppy…I-“

 “You promised.”

 “And I’m going to keep that promise-“

 “Yeah the hell you are. And you’re going to promise me that you won’t ever come home like this again. You’re going to get yourself killed before we even start our life together. Our future.”

 Bea sucks in a breath which punctures her chest. She couldn’t tell if the injuries or Poppy’s words had caused that terrible ache. “Our…Wait I..”

 “I love you Jackson. I…don’t care if you think it’s too early to say that. I don’t care if I sound too cheesy for a mean girl. I love kissing you and feeling the laughter run through your body when we hug. I love being the reason you smile. I love you. And you don’t have to say it back. I just..I needed you to know-“

 “I love you too. Probably maybe from the moment I met you.”

 Poppy’s eyes seemed to glisten once again and this time there was no sadness etched into the shape. She smiled a pure smile and wrapped her arms around Bea in a tight hug. 

 She captures her lips in a searing kiss that leads to a trail of kisses down the strawberry blonde’s neck, dip of her collarbone, and chest. Bea kisses her until her chest gives out from exhaustion and pain.

 “Then you have to promise that this won’t happen again.” 

 “I promise.”

 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NOTES: They’re gonna be fineeeee, right guys??? Graduation next chapter woooo.

Tags: @samanthadalton @somewillwin @clowneryme  @baexpoppy @poppysmc @doey-eyes8 @veenast @straightlikewetspaghetti @phoennixxsblog

[luna-tiel]

Communication

As an autistic fan, I was not pleased by how Entrapta was treated by her fellow princesses, the people that are supposed to be her friends. It’s been on my mind lately, especially after my recent rewatch of season 5. In my opinion, Entrapta’s dynamic with the Alliance was a golden opportunity for the writers to demonstrate healthy communication. I’ll be focusing on the episode Launch, delving into why I feel like that particular episode models unhealthy group dynamics.

This may be a bit of a ramble, but I’ll do my best!

Relationships are a system. While it may be tempting to single out a person as the problem that needs fixing, in most cases the behavior of all members plays a part in how it functions. Entrapta’s isolation from the princesses is a self-fulfilling cycle. She is enlisted for a project, her excitement annoys the others, confirming their expectation that Entrapta only cares about the project, thus they distance themselves from her, or get angry, and Entrapta’s attempt to connect with them via her work fails, confirming her belief she’s not suited for friendship. 

Let’s look at Entrapta from the eyes of the Alliance. To them (and certain members of the audience, it seems), Entrapta lacks empathy. This is a common misunderstanding concerning people with autism. Autistic individuals are often very empathetic, but because they may have trouble reading and understanding social cues and connecting with the emotions of other people, this lack of connection reads as a lack of empathy. 

One of Entrapta’s clearest moments of compassion is when Hordak faints in front of her. She may not be the best at reading people, but when Hordak collapses, it’s clear he needs help, and Entrapta doesn’t hesitate to rush to his side and do anything she can think of to take care of him. When she knows someone is hurt, when she knows they need her support, she offers it immediately.

Mermista, Perfuma, Glimmer and the rest haven’t seen Entrapta’s capacity for empathy the way the audience has. In their eyes, Entrapta does only care about tech. Entrapta left the Alliance, built robots for the Horde, and made armor for Hordak that made him a force to be reckoned with in battle. The princesses have a right to be upset about that. They may not see any reason to believe Entrapta cares about their safety. Fine. Once Entrapta is back with the Alliance at the start of season 5, the princesses are given the opportunity to own their feelings and talk it out. Tell Entrapta how her actions made them feel. Express their hurt, their doubts, and their fears. Give Entrapta the opportunity to respond. 

Instead of doing this, the princesses distract her so they can talk about her behind her back, and Scorpia has to beg Mermista to give Entrapta a chance before they reluctantly allow her to aid the mission to track Prime’s signal. Despite their anger and resentment, and mistrusting Entrapta to the point of believing she might betray them as soon as she gets close to the spire, no one says anything to Entrapta directly. 

Mermista expects Entrapta to disregard the group’s safety in the pursuit of her special interest. She doesn’t trust Entrapta to help the group unless Entrapta is bribed with the prospect of going to space, and talks down to her repeatedly throughout the episode. Perfuma is anxious that Entrapta will lose focus and wander off, and thus leashes her to try and maintain control over the situation. 

The narrative frames these as natural reactions. In their minds, why should they trust Entrapta? She’s so spacy she doesn’t even remember who Glimmer is. However, examining the language the princesses use when talking to Entrapta, they are not trying to reason with her -- they have zero patience from the start. Only after Mermista and the others blow up at Entrapta when the mission goes wrong, and she proves she cares about them by continuing to help anyway, does their opinion of her start to change.

The onus is put on Entrapta to prove she cares about her friends, when it should be a joint responsibility. Healthy friendships are built on foundations of mutual trust and communication. Just one of the princesses could have tried to talk to Entrapta in a clear direct manner that wasn’t emotionally charged or condescending. Instead of judging and accusing her, they could have taken responsibility for their own feelings, and expressed their hurt in a more effective way. 

Had the team talked it out, had they made an attempt to trust Entrapta instead of seeing her as an accessory to drag along (when she is the key piece in the mission), things could have gone more smoothly. Entrapta didn’t need to be controlled, she needed to be the one in control. The evidence? Once Mermista realizes Entrapta is trustworthy -- that she does care about them, and about Glimmer -- Mermista shifts the entire plan. The team then rallies behind Entrapta to cover her as she leads them forward.

This should have been a lesson to the Alliance. They made assumptions about Entrapta, and they were incorrect. All it would have taken was a small moment of apology or a real attempt to understand what went wrong. They’ve all made their mistakes, but now they can move forward and try to do better. Instead, it’s framed as if Entrapta needed to prove she truly cares about everyone, which is just… disheartening, to say the least.

Entrapta expects to be misunderstood and rejected by her peers (leading her to nearly losing her life on Beast Island), but she tries to help them anyway, in the only way she knows how. It’s not too much to ask the princesses to meet her in the middle.

I am grateful Entrapta didn’t have to sacrifice her identity and “become normal” to be accepted by the Alliance. However, I dearly wish she could have developed a more balanced healthy friendship with her fellow princesses. 

Entrapta never had deep ties to the Alliance in the first place. That was the main reason she stayed with the Horde. I wish at some point they realized how much Entrapta was welcomed and accepted there. The enemy -- the Evil Horde -- provided Entrapta with more support than they ever did. That kind of realization should be huge!

A missed opportunity.