#and in the background some thing went by when it was gbs bit and when it was electras side of the song it was like?? a bus??

[differenteagletragedy]

would you be ever so kind as to spare some OL2 headcanons or crumbs 🤲🤲

If you don’t wanna write for OL2 then OLBA is just as amazing!!!!!!

Hi! I will eventually write for OL2 I'm sure, but I haven't gotten through the demo yet! Right now I'm at the beginning of the first day of school -- I keep getting pulled back into the first one because it has such a chokehold on me lol.

But I was writing these for OLBA so I'll put them here! Thank you!!!

-- Do you like trashy reality shows? Good for you. Cove's not really into it, but he'll watch with you if you want him to. Derek can definitely have some fun with it. But Baxter turns into a monster.

MC answering their phone: Hey, what's up?

Baxter: DID YOU SEE, *this person* from *this show* got arrested.

MC: Aren't you supposed to be working?

Baxter: I saved the mug shot to my photos, I am sending it to you via text right now.

(Client in the background complaining)

Baxter: I do have to get off the phone now, but if you hear anything else call the office and tell them it's an emergency, they'll put you through to me.

-- If you go the Derek romance route, I think you make out once in high school. Because hormones, you've crushed on each other for years, and like it just happens. And then after he's very unwell, he keeps apologizing, and either your really shy and nervous about it or like "no it's ok, that was nice," but either way he's like "HAVE TO GO, TTYL." He doesn't talk to you for a little bit but then feels bad.

MC: Derek, I like you in a romantic way. I want you to be my boyfriend. I liked kissing you and I want to kiss you again.

Derek: Haha that was crazy, so how's school going?

-- Derek is good with cars. Big muscles make car go vroom.

Like there would have been a time when you got a flat tire and you either didn't know how to change it or blanked on what Cliff told you (Cliff taught you how to change a tire, no questions) and called him like "help" and he dropped everything and drove to wherever you were to change it for you.

-- He's also good with mechanical fixes, and just with his hands in general. Is your sink messed up? Call Derek. Some issue with your stove? Call Derek. Creaky door? You already know. (You have to do stuff for him too though, that's the rules).

-- Back to Cliff though, you know those videos of men like "I'm going to teach you some dad stuff" for people who grew up without dads? That's Cliff. Obviously your moms are amazing, but Daddy Cliff is going to step in too sometimes.

-- Cliff teaching MC how to tie a tie, just imagine.

-- Baxter goes home alone after Miranda's birthday party/the second party for him and finishes off that bottle of champagne because he knows that summer's almost over and he's going to do A Bad Thing and he hates himself.

-- Honestly it hurt my feelings so much at the end of Step 3 lol, like I was genuinely taken aback by his goodbye scene. Asking MC why they'd keep talking when he couldn't give them rides anymore like that's all they were interested in, the audacity.

-- Cove has the whole game, he's gonna be ok, we're talking about other people this time.

-- In adulthood, MC looks back at that time they learned their birth parents died when they were a baby, had a quick breakdown then went back home and did a musical performance for their family as one of the cringiest moments of their life (I'm not using second person this time because I don't want to sound judgey but LOL come on). They'll tell Derek about it later on when they're together and he'll be like "aww, that sounds sweet," and Baxter will be nice about it too, but he'll also have some comments to make.

Baxter: Darling, my plant at the office seems to be dying, could you perhaps do a song and dance number to ease my pain?

MC: Shut uuuuuup.

-- Last week gb patch made a post on Patreon with a new sketch for OLNF with wedding planner Baxter, so like the oldest Baxter we'll see in cannon, and he was wearing a cream turtleneck, a purple overcoat, and what looked to me to be a peach colored gingham suit. So by the time he gets to be like 40, his fashion sense is going to be off the rails. He's going to call you and be like "I just went shopping, I hope you like my new look," and come home like:

[hopeymchope]

Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire is the best Ghostbusters *thing* released since 2009.

In yet another one of my wacky minority opinions, apparently, I think Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire is fucking GREAT.

Background: Ye olde Ghostbusters movies were something I grew up on and always loved. I even used to watch "The Real Ghostbusters" reruns. And like many fans, I adore the 2009 video game (now available in a Remaster!).

Then we got the 2016 reboot, and you know something? In spite of all the hate it gets, I enjoyed it! I thought it was funny more often than it wasn't... the theatrical version, that is. The "Extended Cut" they put on Blu-Ray later is like, loaded with alternate takes and extended scenes that are painfully awkward and unfunny IMO. But the theatrical cut is a pretty fun time, albeit a bit lacking in new ideas.

I was basically the prime audience for 2021's Ghostbusters: Afterlife, and... I really, really didn't like it. Because: 1) It's not very funny at all? The "Podcast" character was funny and Paul Rudd gets a couple moments, but it's too busy being sentimental about callbacks to the old movies and memorializing Harold Ramis to focus on comedy. 2) The other half of the movie is a blatant nostalgic retread of the original Ghostbusters, except now in a small town instead of New York. Imagine if half of The Force Awakens was focused on blowing up another Death Star, and you'll get it. 3) Why are ALL the new Ghostbusters children? I get that the series gained a lot of kid fans along the way, but the original was never aimed at kids. Doesn't this feel like a backslide, to make the entire new team be under 18? 4) You're telling me that Egon never told Ray that Gozer was returning? Or that Ray wouldn't believe him? *EXTREMELY* OUT OF CHARACTER FOR BOTH, FUCK THAT. And that NO GHOSTS have showed up for DECADES for no fucking reason? THANKS FOR RUINING ALL OUR IMAGININGS OF INTERIM ADVENTURES. I will say, at least, that the performances were all good, and there are some heartwarming moments in here; Egon's apperance near the end and the credits scene with Dana stand out.

....but here comess Frozen Empire to save the day.

We get a returning cast of both ADULT and KID Ghostbusters... yes, even new adult Ghostbusters! MULTIPLE! Paul Rudd and Carrie Coon get upgraded into the family business, and there's even a plot point centered on whether CHILDREN should be allowed into such dangerous work.

There are ghosts randomly running around even when there's no greater threat pushing them forth; no reason is given for the change in lore, but I don't care because THIS IS HOW IT SHOULD'VE BEEN.

A lot of ideas that me and other fans have often discussed/pondered over the years ("Are there any friendly ghosts who fear the Ghostbusters? What do the ghostbusters themselves think will happen when THEY die? Will THEY become ghosts, and if so, won't other ghosts hate them? Or will they immediately become as hostile as every other ghost we meet? Or what?") are made not only points of discussion but even MAJOR PLOT EVENTS!

We get a new, NON-REPEAT threat — and frankly, it's a spooky-awesome one?!?!

Extensive comedy BACK and ACTUALLY FUCKING FUNNY! (IMO, anyway. Humor is subjective, I know. But they do it while still including good dramatic character development with genuinely touching scenes plus legitimately strong spooks.)

The returning classic GBs are not only in-character, but Janine gets to put on a uniform and fight alongside the boys, just like in the old cartoons!

Phoebe's character is expanded upon in ways that make her still endearing but much more unique than just "mini-Egon genius" like last time.

GHOSTBUSTERS II GETS ACKNOWLEDGED AS HAVING HAPPENED, THANK YOU. I wish the video game was somehow canon, too, but I guess I can't have everything? I preferred Winston getting his doctorate over him becoming a finance tycoon, but whatevs.

My only real complaint is like: Seriously, y'all never went back to the New York Library to get that library ghost between the open scenes of the 1984 movie and now? :P And... well, I do wish Walter Peck had grown and changed as a character since we last saw him, but I've got no other issues. EVERYTHING ELSE IS SO WONDERFUL.

This movie is everything I wish Afterlife had been, and THEN some. And yet... people don't seem to care? The reviews are very "meh"? Despite all these new ideas and great stuff?? Did y'all just want the Ghostbusters to stick to the Midwest from now on or what? Is it too soon for people to want more Ghostbusters? I DON'T GET IT.

Except... well, maybe people just don't care because this is an OLD franchise that failed to get a new movie for like, over 25 years, and people just lost interest in that time? Most adults today probably weren't raised on '80s movies like I was. :P Maybe that's all there is to it.

If this series is gonna die out, though? What a note to end us on.

[hotsugarbyglassanimals]

like tbh a lot of the strategies that were supposed to help me when unmedicated just . did not work. there were more factors than just “I can’t focus”

ok so let me break it down (lmao) . this is a long post

Low starting energy level

Every day I was waking up feeling like a computer that’s obsolete by a decade trying to boot up the latest 60 GB FPS. Let’s say my tasks were to:

- wash my hair

- do my laundry

- call and schedule an appointment

- clean my room

- clean the bathroom

- do my homework

- cook a nutritious dinner

At any given day, I’d only be able to complete two or three of these things. The nutritious dinner would have to be sacrificed for something as simple as grilled cheese, or something I could order (and healthier options are more expensive and there’s a longer wait ! so usually I’d have to opt for fast food). Not only would I not have the energy to do everything, but I wouldn’t have enough time in the day to do them either ! The downtime between tasks would last hours at a time and next thing I know it’s 11 PM.

Inability to recognize tasks needed to be done

This one is a bit complex, and partially why lists didn’t work. I’m kind of having a hard time thinking about how to explain this one… it’s also why “break it down into small steps” didn’t work either. My brain -could not slow down and process- what I needed to do. Computer metaphor again lol. Imagine opening every single application on your computer at once. The same obsolete one. Imagine how much that slows it down. Not to mention the visual clutter on the screen, right? Some of the windows are minimized and cut off on your task bar because there’s so many things, so you can’t see them either.

Tunnel vision / limited vision

This one is wild. Imagine having both of your hands at the side of your face. Can’t really see that much around you, can you? On my first dose of medication, my vision *literally* became wider. I could focus in my surroundings with a complete 180 degree field of vision. I went to work and noticed “new” (not actually new, they’ve probably been there for weeks or months) things at the same places I pass by nearly every day of the week. Your brain filters out information it deems useless.

This is the primary reason why lists don’t work, and why I could filter out any messes around me. I COULDN’T see them ! I literally could . not . see them ! My brain would just choose not to interpret them as a problem. You know how old animation would have background objects and you knew which one was going to be interacted with because it was drawn differently? When I have medication, those background objects became interactable ! Lists, calendars, and reminders would become background objects after awhile before !

burnout / fatigue

I’m not finished with the task yet, but my efficiency goes way down because my body became -physically and mentally- tired. I feel like I’m out of breath, it feels like there’s straining inside my head, and I can no longer care about how well I’m completing the task. It HURTS my head. It’s like I was doing reps with my brain and that arms feeling like jelly feeling happened inside of it.

Inability to start / switch tasks

This post is getting long enough so I’ve combined these things into one bullet point, but I could do a whole write up on either one of things. Ok, the inability to start. It’s the same as being unable to break the tasks down into simple components, but instead of just the inability to recognize what the steps are, it’s mixed in with that painful brain feeling. The task itself is overwhelming -because- of all the steps involved. this can be attributed to roadblocks that can occur when doing this task, so even the possibility of encountering them creates mental fatigue.

It’s like pushing a boulder downhill, the pushing is the hard part, but once pushed it keeps going. but it gets … hard to stop. and now you must get the boulder all the way to the top, and make that initial push again. Stopping is a step on its own (if a task is not done, or if a task’s finishing point is subjective) … and starting something else is another.

All of the bullets I listed would probably manageable on their own, but combined ? my life was a mess. I still struggle with sitting down to focus on some things I don’t quite want to do (or things I would like to do, but there’s Roadblocks in them), but that painful start and fatigue is a lot more manageable. I’m very glad cleaning and staying clean is fuckin possible now. Some days I can’t get to things, sure, but I can get a lot done in one day now. I feel so much more at home in my bedroom, and I can no longer feel massively embarrassed whenever someone comes in. Cooking still fucking sucks ass though

[ra1nrei]

three days ago, i unplugged my phone and let the battery drain, so the screen freeze stopped. i found it still opening after it shut down (i thought it wouldn't anymore), but the problem is that i can't turn it on because the power button has been broken for probably 2 months. i told my mom about the phone, and she told me she was going to get it fixed tomorrow (it was yesterday), but then she changed her mind and said she would just buy me a new phone because if she gets it fixed, it'll probably be broken again, and the phone has been 3/4 years, these brands are basically known for budget phones, and their performance is well praised by the phone reviewers. i picked tecno because, idk, i just didn't want infinix (good phones for gamers since it's a gaming phone). i did want the redmi, but i was kind of afraid i might- get the same bug i had on my other phone after 1 or 2 years of using it. i chose tecno because, i don't know, it looked good. i thought it'd take some time to get the phone because i thought my mom would just order it online, but she went to the store yesterday. i got the new phone and just finished setting it up a few hours ago. there are minor things i do not like about this phone. it doesn't have the same features as the other phone, which it should have because this is the latest and on android 13. i don't like the camera. now, i'm not keen on taking pictures, but this phone is known for its camera, but for me, it takes shitty photos. the blur effect in the background when the camera focuses on an object or a person looks crappy, and the ai camera is what i hate the most. we are given the option to not have a filter that makes the face look good, but the pictures still look like they had filters, which makes the photos look shitty to me. the things i like about this phone are that it has 248 gb of storage, which is- absolutely heaven; the battery doesn't drain fast, which makes sense since it's still new; and the ui looks great. it kind of gives me a bit of an iphone vibe; i don't like iphones, but i like their camera, the ui they have, and other features that android doesn't have. well, that's it. i'll be stuck with this phone for the next few years, i guess. my mom and aunt liked the camera, and I hated it. my aunt took my broken phone last night to get the power button fixed, and I'm thrilled because the phone is still working, so it seems a waste to just let it be.

[hellmandraws]

Art tip!

Hi guys! I’ve been experimenting with a 3D modeling program lately, and I wanted to tip other artists about it. It’s called SketchUp and I’ve been using it to create backgrounds lately.

I actually learned about it when I went to comic art school like a million years ago, but I kind of forgot about it until recently. When I was finishing up this comic I realized that I’d have to draw a bunkbed several times and was kind of dreading it. Then suddenly I remembered this program and built myself a 3D bunkbed:

Then, when I made this comic, I decided to really take advantage of this tool and used it for several different settings. The portal? A 3D model.

The library? Yep, that too.

And I got to reuse the bunkbed model.

And of course, my pride and joy: The Mystery Shack living room. Unlike the other rooms, which consist of just a single corner, this model is the entire room. So I can get any angle I want, which is super handy!

Here’s the progress of incorporating a 3D model into a comic panel:

I find the program itself to be very easy to use and intuitive. I have no 3D modelling experience beyond tinkering a little bit with this same program years ago (which I didn’t really remember anything from), but I was able to learn this program quite fast and only had to look up how to do one small thing.

This is what a model looks like in the default style. If you go to Styles > Default Styles > HiddenLine you’ll get a model that looks like lineart and can be easily incorporated into a 2D drawing.

Now, some of you might say “But isn’t this cheating?”, because for some reason there are always people out there who think artists shouldn’t use the tools at their disposal. To this I say: Absolutely not! I will say that I don’t think it’s an excuse to not learn how to draw backgrounds, but this isn’t about not knowing how to do that, it’s about saving time when you have to draw the same thing over and over again from different angles. This is a legit tool for architects and artists that I learned about in art school. And of course, you make the models from scratch, so even if you didn’t draw them, you still made them.

If you’re interested in learning this tool yourself, check out SketchUp! It’s online and you get 10 GB storage with the free version. (For reference, the living room is my biggest model and it’s only 1.5 MB!)

[yukidragon]

Mermaid Jamie - Family

So... I’ve made a chapter for the dark fantasy AU/canon divergent story of mermaid Jamie I’ve been playing around with for Our Life: Beginnings & Always by @gb-patch (which you really should play if you haven’t already, and I will never stop plugging it, never). Like an actual proper chapter instead of a teaser or snippits of scenes.

I still don’t have a proper title for the story in general, but if I was to title the chapter specifically, it might be “Family.” It seems appropriate to me since a certain theme has started to form between this and the teaser.

Standard disclaimer - my version of Our Life’s MC - Jamie Leimomi - aka Jamie Last - may differ from your interpretation of the character. This writing is also in third person rather than second. This writing is rougher than stuff I co-write on @dragonandtiger, and there are spoilers for the game. If none of these things bother you, then I hope you enjoy my splash of a bit of dark color onto such a bright and soft game.

...

Jamie had never planned to ask about her biological parents. She always rejected the idea whenever it flitted across her mind with the mercilessness of a hurricane tossing aside a butterfly. Yet, when faced with the question dead on, there was only one answer she could give.

“I want to know.”

The words came out distant to Jamie’s ears, as if someone else had spoken them with her voice somewhere several feet away. She at least hoped she was managing to look as calm as she sounded. At seeing her moms nod as one, she braced herself, preparing for the oncoming storm.

“Um…,” Lee squeaked out reluctantly. “I… I can leave… if you wanna have things be private.”

Jamie couldn’t draw her gaze away from her moms. They looked so sad. It tore her up inside. She tried instead to focus instead on the warm, bracing hand on her back.

She was fine. She could handle this.

“I want you here,” Jamie said, keeping her voice steady.

Lee gave Jamie a weak smile that went unseen by her cousin. “I can do that,” she said softly before shifting closer to Jamie. She gave the blue haired girl another part on the back, trying to channel all her love and support through the simple touch alone that she couldn’t manage with words.

Jamie managed to draw some strength from that support, and she straightened her back a little more. It was fine, she reminded herself. She could handle this. She had a loving family supporting her after all.

There was nothing to be upset about, no matter the answer.

It was obvious to Jamie that delivering this information was taxing on her moms. The looks they gave her broke her heart. It made her start to regret asking when she heard the way her ma’s voice wavered with heartache.

“You were adopted as a baby,” Noelani began, “but two years after Elizabeth. We used a different organization at the time, and you were adopted within the U.S.”

Not from the same family as Elizabeth.

But that was obvious, Jamie chided herself. The two of them had different skin tone, body type, hair, eyes… It was an absurd thought to have, and she banished it to focus on the rest of what her parents had to tell her.

Pamela sighed, closing her eyes for a moment as she drew in her courage. When she met Jamie’s intense gaze again, it was with tired eyes. “We’re sorry to tell you, Jamie… your parents also passed away, and no other family member took you in… if there were any.”

So that was it then. Not that much different than Elizabeth. Not as bad even - she got to be a U.S. born citizen at least.

“That’s why we wanted to wait until you asked,” Pamela continued before Jamie could process the information further. “We didn’t want to suddenly drop that in your lap. We wanted you to be prepared.”

Of course not, Jamie silently agreed. They had no idea that Elizabeth would do that for them.

“We’re sorry, Jamie,” Noelani said, and the way she said it twisted Jamie’s heart a little more.

Lee squeezed Jamie’s arm, but the blue haired girl barely felt it.

For a long moment there was silence as Jamie accepted the information about her birth parents. Countless thoughts whirred quietly in the background like static as she processed it all. It was such a small amount of information, a fraction of what she had to study for classes, and yet it felt so much more massive than anything she had learned before.

“Okay…,” Jamie began, more to fill in the empty space of everyone’s expectations, as they waited for her to react. She had to organize her thoughts, and that meant focusing on the most important things first. “Thank you for telling me.”

Jamie saw the way her parents looked at her before glancing at each other. Clearly, they needed a little bit more. “I did wanna know, and now I do.”

After a moment’s hesitation, Noelani managed a careful smile. “Thank you for listening, Jamie.”

“If there’s anything else you want to know,” Pamela added a little quickly, “all you have to do is ask. We’ll do our best to answer any questions you have.”

There was no chance for Jamie to stop to consider any before Noelani interjected one of her own.

“How are you feeling now?” she asked. “Are you going to be okay?”

Jamie could feel the way her parents were staring at her, and Lee too. They were worried, afraid of her flying off the handle like Elizabeth did. She couldn’t, wouldn’t yell at her parents in anger. Ever. 

Besides, there was too much misery in this house today already.

Jamie put on her best smile and nodded. “I feel fine.” She was certain her tone was convincing, pleasant even. Despite that, the sad smiles her moms gave in return told her that it wasn’t quite convincing enough.

…

“Jamie?”

Jamie snapped back to the present at the sound of her mom’s concerned voice. It had been over five years since that afternoon when she gathered the nerve to ask about her birth parents. She was an adult now.

Despite that, the news her moms had for her made her feel like she was thirteen all over again.

“Are you okay?” Noelani asked as she took a step towards Jamie.

Jamie shook her head a bit to clear it and forced her focus back into the here and now. Just like five years ago, she was in the living room looking at her moms’ grave faces. The only major difference beyond the advancement of years was that Lee and Liz weren’t involved this time.

“I feel fine,” she said with no small sense of déjà vu. “I just… I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Neither were we,” Pamela said, her eyes crinkled with worry. “I’m sorry for dropping this in your lap, but there wasn’t an easier way to tell you.”

Noelani nodded, her gaze sympathetic. “We were just as shocked when the orphanage called us to tell us the news.”

“Yeah,” Jamie muttered as she ran a hand over her eyes. “I get it. I mean…” She faltered as her gaze slipped from her moms to somewhere in the distance. “My birth parents are actually alive? And they want to meet me? It’s… a lot.”

That was probably the biggest understatement of her life.

As a child, Jamie had considered the possibility that her birth parents were still alive somewhere and, if so, they would likely want to meet her someday. That possibility disappeared five years ago on that summer afternoon. Now it was back, just like that.

And just like back then, Jamie felt as though someone had stolen the ground from underneath her feet.

Despite how concerned Jamie had been after her moms told her to come visit them, that they had something important that they could only tell her face to face, she didn’t expect anything close to this sort of world shaking revelation. It made her regret telling Cove he didn’t need to skip work to come with her; she needed him right now.

Noelani ventured to pierce the uncomfortable silence that had hung over them. “It’s okay not to know how to feel about it.”

“You don’t have to decide anything right now,” Pamela added. “We know you’ll need time to process all this.”

Noelani smiled gently, but Jamie noticed the sadness tinged in her eyes. “No matter what you decide to do, we’ll support you.”

Pamela nodded, her mouth set in a determined line despite her own clear distress at the situation. “One hundred percent, full stop.”

Despite the turbulent thoughts swirling around in Jamie’s head, she managed to smile sincerely at her moms. “Thank you.”

Five years ago, Jamie had chosen to leave rather than accept her moms’ comfort and reassurance. This time, she stepped forward, arms outstretched, and they eagerly closed the distance to envelope her in a warm embrace.

For a moment, Jamie just took in her mothers’ love and silently offered her own in return. “No matter what, you’ll always be my moms,” she said, her voice soft but earnest. “I love you.”

“We love you, too,” Pamela said, her voice cracking a little at the edges.

“More than words can say,” Noelani added, her voice thick with emotion as she gave Jamie an extra squeeze.

Although a part of Jamie wanted to remain like that for a while longer, she couldn’t help but start to feel overwhelmed. The air wasn’t quite stifling, but somehow there didn’t seem to be enough of it in the house. Reluctantly, she drew back from the hug and gave her moms an apologetic smile. “I’m gonna to go for a walk for a while… clear my head a bit.”

Both of her parents nodded, still smiling at their daughter despite the obvious concern in their eyes.

“Okay, kiddo,” Pamela said. “Do what you need to do for you right now.”

“Don’t worry about us if you want to go straight home after your walk,” Noelani added.

It was strange for Jamie to hear her ma say that her home was no longer the house she had grown up in all her life, but it was true - home was now an apartment a few miles away from here with Cove.

Jamie thanked her parents before leaving. She resolved to come back to give a proper goodbye before returning to the apartment, but it didn’t take long for her mind to wander as she let her feet carry her in no particular direction.

The sky was heavy with clouds, making the fall afternoon darker than it should have been. Although Jamie much preferred clear sunny days, it seemed appropriate that a storm was coming to match the one raging in her head.

As conflicted as Jamie felt about the whole thing, she knew she had to meet up with her birth parents. There was no way she could reject them, no matter how almost invasive their sudden return to her life felt. Guilt churned in her stomach for thinking that way, but she couldn’t shake off the feeling.

Jamie wondered if this was anything like Cove felt about his parents when he was younger. She vividly remembered the night he snuck into her bedroom for the first time and confided in her about how conflicted he felt over his mom coming back to live with him for a while.

This should have been good news. She should have felt happy to learn that her birth parents were still alive, that there had been an error with the orphanage’s records about their death, and they wanted to have a relationship with her, but she wasn’t. There was a sticky knot in her throat of sickly emotions too tangled together to make sense of them beyond knowing that the whole thing felt completely unwanted.

Jamie needed Cove right now.

She stopped walking to pull her cell phone out of her pocket and pulled up the conversation between her and Cove. She vaguely noticed that she had reached the beach in her mindless wandering and found it oddly appropriate.

Jamie: hey

Jamie’s finger hovered over the screen as her mind went blank. She had no idea how to summarize what was going on. She didn’t even know when Cove’s next break would be. It wasn’t as though he was allowed to have his cell phone on him at work.

Despite this conflict, it wasn’t even a minute before she heard the distinct chime she had assigned to Cove’s texts and saw his reply pop up on the screen.

Cove: Everything ok?

Jamie couldn’t help but smile a little in spite of how crummy she felt. Cove must have been waiting for her all to get back to him about what was going on all this time, rules or no rules. He was always so considerate of her. It made her feel a little less guilty about asking him to ditch work for her.

Jamie: Could you come to my moms’ place?

Jamie: I need you.

Cove: Okay. I’ll be right there.

Jamie closed her eyes and sighed with relief, feeling a little of the tension in her shoulders slip away. She could always count on Cove to be there for her.

Jamie: Thank you.

Jamie: <3

Cove: <3

Jamie smiled at the little heart Cove sent her and left the conversation at that. Even that little bit of back and forth had been a soothing balm to her aching heart, but she held herself back from seeking out more. She knew he needed to talk to his boss and then focus on driving. Any further texting would just delay his arrival that much longer, and more than anything else she needed him with her right now.

After turning off the phone, she paused to idly trace the dolphin keychain attached to it with her fingers. Even after all these years, the material was still as soft and vibrantly colored as it was on the day Cove purchased it for her. It was her first present from him, an irreplaceable symbol of their friendship. Just looking at it reminded her of him and how much he meant to her, as well as how grateful she was to have him in her life.

A quiet rumble of distant thunder drew Jamie’s gaze up to the horizon. The waves of the ocean were choppy in front of her, the wind starting to pick up in earnest. In the distance, dark clouds were approaching the shore, and as she watched, a brief flash of lightning flickered with them, followed by another ominous rumble.

Jamie frowned at the sight of the approaching storm and turned to head back home, or rather to her moms’ home. She wasn’t ready to go back yet, her mind still too tangled with conflicted thoughts, but she wasn’t about to stay outside during a thunderstorm. If it was a sunshower, then she would have been all for basking in the thrill of it, but she had never been a fan of lightning and thunder.

Jamie closed her eyes with a sigh, her shoulders slumping a bit. At least Cove would be here soon. She would feel better then, she was sure.

“Siren!”

The sudden yell caused Jamie to flinch in surprise. Between the oncoming storm and it being the off season, the beach had been deserted. Now she had even more reason to leave when she noticed someone walking in her direction from further down the beach.

“Siren! Wait!”

Jamie hesitated at the almost frantic call of the woman who she realized was definitely approaching her, waving to get her attention. She wondered if the woman knew her. She wasn’t familiar with anyone with blue hair and pale skin… except… herself…

Jamie froze, her mouth going dry as a desert as the woman closed in on her.

The woman was beautiful, her slender, delicate figure giving her the appearance of a model, though she walked in an awkward gait across the sand. Because Jamie was just shy of six feet tall she had several inches on this stranger, who was more average in height for a grown woman. There were other more subtle details, ones Jamie couldn’t help but recognize as ones she saw in the mirror every day.

As the woman got closer, Jamie saw she had large pink eyes that practically glowed in the muted sunlight. Her smile was wide, her expression one of pure delight that didn’t waver as she closed the distance between them. She wore a short but flowing dress that not only bared most of her legs but also the fact that she was walking barefoot. Oddly, her pinned up blue hair and pale skin were damp with moisture while her clothes appeared perfectly dry.

It took Jamie all her willpower not to give in to the irrational urge to make a run for it.

“Oh Siren, my Siren,” the woman said with tears welling in her eyes. Her voice had a sweet quality to it and an accent that Jamie couldn’t place. “I finally found you!”

Jamie braced herself to greet the woman in spite of how her skin crawled, but when she saw arms open wide to welcome her in a hug, she stepped back quickly to avoid it.

That retreat was enough to halt the woman’s approach just outside arm’s length from Jamie. She blinked her wide pink eyes repeatedly, appearing genuinely baffled. “Siren? Do you not recognize me? It’s your mother, your true mother!”

The bottom dropped out of Jamie’s stomach as the woman confirmed her suspicions. She tried to force out some sort of response, but words failed to come.

Her supposed mother grew distressed by the lack of response. “Oh, my poor, poor Siren. Do not fear. Your mother has come to take you home.”

Jamie panicked when the woman tried to grab her wrist and jerked away. “No! I’m not going anywhere with you!”

The woman froze, her large eyes somehow growing even wider.

Jamie held her phone in both her clammy hands as she took deep breaths to calm herself down after that outburst. If this really was her birth mother, she had to try to show some empathy. It was only natural for someone who lost a child to get emotional over a reunion with said child after being separated for almost two decades.

That didn’t mean Jamie wasn’t also giving serious consideration to running for it.

“My name is Jamie Leimomi,” Jamie said, speaking more calmly but drawing an edge under her name. “I don’t know who you think I am, but I don’t know you, and I don’t know anyone named ‘Siren.’”

Surprise melted away quickly from the woman’s face and her wide smile returned to full force. “Oh, yes, yes, of course. I am Demetria Palinouros, your real mother. Siren is the name I gave you before you were stolen from me.”

“Stolen?” Jamie repeated, surprised.

Demetria let out a sigh that turned into an almost painful moan. “My traitor sister Maris, she stole you from me, lied that I and your great father Apollo were dead to those people who took you from her. She lied to us that you were dead, and I believed her lies for so many years!”

By the end of the tirade, Jamie found herself feeling sorry for the woman in front of her, despite her misgivings. The distress Demetria showed, the tears that spilled forth freely, those were real. It made her feel guilty for wanting to run away when it was clear that reuniting with her meant so much to this person, her apparent birth mother.

Jamie tried to stand firm despite the guilt gnawing at her gut. She could handle talking with this woman. She reassured herself that if things went wrong, she could run or fight if she needed to. Demetria was smaller than her and didn’t appear nearly as physically fit, nor did she seem to move easily on the sand. A quick look around verified that they were the only two on the beach and that the clouds hanging overhead had turned a dark shade of gray.

Jamie took a deep breath and braved the conversation just a little longer. “Do… do you have proof?”

Demetria blinked away large tears, the sorrow fading somewhat with confusion as she stared at Jamie. “Proof?”

Jamie nodded, refusing to budge on the point. “If you were able to prove to the orphanage that you’re really my… my birth parent, then you can show that proof to me too, right?”

Demetria sniffled, but nodded, smiling once again through her tears. “Yes, yes, of course, of course!” She reached out for Jamie. “Come with me, and I’ll show you.”

Jamie stared at the offered hand for a moment before she took a deliberate step backwards. “I’d rather not.”

Silence set in for a moment as Demetria stared at Jamie. She appeared genuinely oblivious to how suspicious she was behaving. “Why? You asked for proof, so come with me for proof, Siren.”

Jamie tried to be discreet as she turned her phone on and began to type without looking away from the woman in front of her. “I’m not comfortable going anywhere with you.”

“But I’m your mother!” Demetria cried, tears welling up in her eyes again.

“I don’t know who you are!” Jamie fired back, keeping her expression and tone rigid. There was no shaking the feeling that all of this was wrong and that she needed to get away as quickly as possible.

Maybe Demetria really was who she said she was, but that didn’t matter. To Jamie, she was still a stranger. Besides, just being biologically related didn’t mean the woman in front of her was safe to be around.

Jamie took another step back then another to increase the distance between them but made sure never to turn her back on the woman that claimed to be her mother. “I’m sorry, but I’m gonna go now.”

Demetria’s expression was blank as she watched her so-called daughter’s cautious retreat, tears trickling down her cheeks, mouth flagging open. She seemed truly at a loss, but not so much distraught as she seemed unable to comprehend why Jamie was leaving instead of going with her.

It only served to leave Jamie even more unsettled.

That was when the storm arrived.

Thunder tore through the air, causing Jamie to jump with a yelp. In the split second she took her eyes off Demetria, she realized that the woman had halved the distance between them, reaching out for her.

Adrenaline sent Jamie sprinting in the opposite direction when a deafening scream tore through her, but the scream did not come from her. A high pitched shriek erupted from the woman behind her, an explosion of noise that pierced her brain with a million bits of shrapnel.

Pain was the last thing Jamie knew before everything went dark.

…

Cove had been in the middle of driving when the rapid fire texts from Jamie came in. His phone had been tossed carelessly onto the passenger seat, and he had been too focused on the drive to notice it vibrate. When he arrived at their old neighborhood, he hadn’t bothered to check his phone when he scooped it back up, thinking only of meeting up with Jamie as soon as possible.

Her moms informed him that she had gone on a walk to clear her head, and that was all he needed to know before he was on the search. It didn’t matter that it was raining and the clouds rumbled with thunder. He had to find Jamie.

The first place Cove went was the hills behind the Leimomi house, but Jamie wasn’t there. It was then that he turned to his cell phone. Taking shelter beneath a tree to keep it from getting wet, he turned it on and saw the missed texts.

That was when the world stopped.

Jamie: theres a lady here

Jamie: at beach

Jamie: tryin to get me to go with her

Jamie: she looks like me but pink eyes

Jamie: says shes my mom

Jamie: thers something wring wit

That was all. The last text had been sent only twenty minutes ago.

Cove ran down the hill towards the beach, his heart pounding in his ears. He tried calling Jamie, but it only rang until it went to voicemail. He hung up and tried again and again to the same result. The frantic texts he sent asking where she was also went unanswered. He scoured the empty beach, screaming Jamie’s name all the while as he searched for some sign of her or any person at all.

He found nothing but empty sand and turbulent waves as the storm raged on.

[rosealine-bishop]

Greaseball Headcanons

Okay so, @marastriker and I were talking last night about some GB headcanons. Not all were happy. But Im of the strong belief that no one starts out being the way they are and that their circumstances change and make them the way they are. So, playing off of that, here are some headcanons I've got about GB. (Some HCs may be familiar because they're also on this post here since they and I also were talking about other things and got to talking about potential kids and how GB & Dinah + Electra & CB would be as parents)

Anywho, I've talked about the background long enough, let's get to the main post.

(Might make this a two parter because it genuinely gets so so long)

(also @sweet-dining-car this is the post I mentioned)

TW: abuse, alcoholism, death, violence

So, for starters, GB wasn't always the way he is now. (Even now he actually deflects and has created this persona of a meathead who can be a total dick, but genuinely he's just a soft and nice guy at heart) Back when he was a kid, he actually was the cutest and sweetest kid out there. He was always so nice to all the other trains, and acting as a protector for all of the other trainlets (even if he was the runt of the litter. He just wanted to be like his favorite super hero: Captain America)

He would always be seen trailing Poppa or getting the most upset and doing his best to cheer up Poppa whenever he was having a bad day or looked even the slightest bit upset.

On that same note, Momma to him was like a second mother and both her and Poppa were the perfect relationship. (yes in my HCs Momma and Poppa exist together and same for the Hip Hoppers and the Rockies)

Unfortunately, at home, it wasn't as good as he could imagine it was in the train yard. At home, his dad was the biggest homophobic and toxic masculine guy you can image. A raging alcoholic with gigantic anger issues. He would constantly beat GBs mom and sometimes GB too.

His dad believed that BECAUSE he was the runt, that constant abuse would make him stronger. GB used to be the biggest cry baby but through years and years of abuse, would learn to hide it and "be a man"

His mother would sneak in some vinyls she managed to get for GB of Elvis or Frank Sinatra or anyone else she could find and she would help him hide everything when his dad would get home from work.

GB has always had a soft spot for dining cars because his mom worked close by them and he would sometimes visit her at work when he was way younger.

GB isnt actually straight. He's bi but represses it and hides behind the toxic masculinity because he made the mistake of telling his dad when his dad had a good week and he was almost beaten within the edge of his life. (and since that day, the abuse towards him was actually way worse)

GB would hide any of the abuse behind clothing and sunglasses and a cool guy persona. He would use it to deflect and pretend that nothing was wrong at home.

Eventually when GBs parents split (which was close to him turning 18), his dad managed to convince the court that his mom was unfit to be a parent. (Him and his mom talked about it before and agreed that in the end if the court asks GB his opinion on where he wants to live, he would choose his dad and then go find her when he turns 18. Because that way it would be best for the two of them)

So, at 18 he left without telling anyone and went to go find his mom. However, he never did and in fact found out about the fate of his mom from a phone call, telling him that she was found beaten to death. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what had happened.

GB actually blames himself for his mother's death, but like a good son, uses whatever money he had earned to give his mom a proper burial.

When he has to go back to get her personal belongings, he takes all the photos and rips his dad out of all of them and hangs them around his small one bedroom apartment. He even managed to find some old recordings of his mom singing and some old home videos. (he cherishes those and will play them when he's sad so that he never forgets his mom. and in a way he always has a part of her with him)

He actually is really good at metal working (thank you mara for this headcanon) so he uses his skills to make his necklace from one of his mom's old earrings so she's always with him and in a way that necklace becomes his lucky necklace in all his early races.

Speaking of races, his first race outfit wasn't the best quality at all. He didn't have much so he created the whole outfit from scratch and he actually used to hide his face no matter what, behind a poorly made train helmet, to hide from the risk of his dad finding him.

The longer he was away from that situation, the more he actually would hide behind the early version of the persona that he has now. He's always idolized Elvis and he holds a spot close to his heart for the singer, that he started slowly changing his appearance to look more like Elvis.

He started working out so he would never be seen as weak ever again.

Eventually, he made a big enough name for himself that he would get interviews on TV every now and then and that's how his dad found out about him still being alive. At first it didn't really click in his dad's head but the moment GB started speaking, his dad knew exactly that that was his son. (Yes he sounded more like Elvis but a father never forgets his son's voice)

So, his dad, as an anonymous donor, asked a young CB to crash GB in the next race. CB, not one down to turn down money did just that. And yes, that whole interaction had put GB out of many races and caused him to pawn off any and all belongings to pay for his hospital bills because any small sponsor he had managed to get dropped him.

(No one wants damaged goods)

and while GB is back to normal, he every now and then when he's super stressed, will feel his bones aching, like a phantom injury and he will start limping slightly because he never fully healed from that.

But now that he knew about CB would go to him and ask him to throw races in his favor, sometimes paying in sexual favors, sometimes in actual money. Because otherwise, he felt like he could never be at 100% and would always lose any race after his accident.

He needed the sponsors and money so he would do anything to get back into the top contenders.

He has major daddy issues that he and Dinah have discussed before. She's probably the only one who knows about GBs true past (aside from Pearl and Poppa and Momma)

Because of his trauma, he actually hates hearing even the word "daddy" so one night when CB accidentally lets it slip during one of their sexual encounters, GB slaps him. Thats the only time GB would actually hit anyone.

On that note, GB actually wont ever truly hurt anyone. For all he knew, Rusty actually did crash and all the damage was from that crash. He had no idea the Diesels roughed him up.

But one night when him and Rusty talk and he finds out about what actually happens, Electra has to get his components (namely Krupp and Killerwatt) to hold him back as GB unleashes hell and yells at the diesels. Like there is pure murder in his eyes.

Yes, sometimes GB hurts other trains during races but after every race they get an anonymous donor paying for all the repairs and a letter along with it with a long apology and flowers. (Dinah helps him spell check it)

GB has only cried twice since he was a child. Once when he found out his mother died (and thats the only time he would turn to alcohol. Otherwise he swears off of it completely) and second when he found out Dinah was pregnant.

GB is 100% terrified of thunderstorms because it reminds himself of his old living situation. Often times you can find him hiding in the closet or under the bed, pillows over his ears and under many layers of blankets.

He would actually be one to collect Squishmallows and other stuffed animals because he never got to as a kid. But whenever he gets any stuffed animal, Dinah names them. However, when his kids are born, he gets matching squishmallows with Norma Jean and Presely and names them after his kids. (Thats probably the only time he gets to name any stuffed animal)

GB actually really really loves Dinah. On the yard he may be this dick towards her but the moment he gets home he apologizes to Dinah profusely and will do anything she wants to make up for it.

He would NEVER do anything to hurt her and when she's pregnant will go above and beyond to be there for her. He even went to Dustin to ask for advice and tried to ask him to keep the fact that Dinah was pregnant under wraps (unfortunately, Dustin, being the sweetie that he is, cannot keep it under wraps and eventually the whole yard knows. Poppa actually gives him some of the best fatherly advice.)

When he finds out that Dinah is pregnant, however, he has multiple night terrors about his childhood. He becomes extremely scared that he'd be like his dad and both Dinah and Poppa reassure him that he's nothing like his dad. That in fact, he has more of his mom in him than he realizes. (Dinah even says he looks more like his mom than his dad, even though GB doesnt see it. She's also not one to admit that she actually knows that its true. She's seen a few ripped up pictures in the trash of his dad back when GB and her first started dating.)

Dinah is actually the one who helps GB compile all of the pictures of GB and his mom into a photo album. This photo album eventually has pictures of Dinah and GB and then Dinah, Norma Jean and GB and then Dinah, Norma Jean, GB and Presely. So its just one big happy book about everything right in his life.

One day, he even finds Norma Jean decorating it and Norma Jean, being the little kid she is is worried that her dad was going to be mad because it looks like he had a bad day at the yard and she just touched something that he cherished, even if she was trying to make it pretty, but GB actually tears up at it because its the cutest thing he's seen and now that book is just that much more special to him. He actually gets the whole family to do hand prints on the back and then sign their name underneath (with an addition of him writing "One Big Happy Family" underneath it all)

_________________________________________________________

Okay okay this has to be it for this post because there are just so many more headcanons and I wanted to end it on a happier note. So if anyone wants to know more I'll create a part two but for now this is what we've got because good god is it long.

[migeviellardi]

Out Of Comfort

Rottmnt Donnie Centric Fanfic

Genre : Adventure, Action, Humour, Hurt/Comfort

Summary :  Silver has gone to the part where he made Donnie involve in some slightly criminal-related work. Will Donnie regret his decision to ever trust him? Or will his life ends miserably knowing that he should’ve just headed home and not taking any part of Silver’s plan?

Chapter 4 Help Wanted

Run-on-the-mill Pizza place can be a good place to vent for some reason, he always felt better having to just sit down, ordering food, and let go of his thoughts away. The weight lifted off from his chest immensely or is it just that his wisp is his Gram-Gram, sitting on his shoulder to keep him company?

Donnie can’t help smile to see her there, she smiled every he looked at her. It gives him warmth, knowing that he wasn’t entirely alone. At least now he felt a lot better that he took joy to eat his pizza to satisfy his hunger. 

“Grrrr!!” Donnie jumped hearing a growl from the person sitting in front of him. The stranger who called himself Silver, glaring at his phone. His finger tapping hard on the screen. Donnie chewed away as he watched the men frustrated himself with his phone.

Silver gritted his teeth, “Stupid, son of a-” he screamed and threw away his phone. Donnie was surprised to see his phone flew away out of sight. Sia flew after the phone. Silver sighed while shaking his head, he chomps on the pizza he ordered.

“Is-is everything, okay?” Donnie asked.

“It’s not your concern, kid.” Sia flew back with the phone and put it in his hand. Silver saw the phone and frowned at Sia, who scolded him. Donnie saw the wisp flailing angrily at him. Silver shook in disbelief, putting the phone on the table.

Donnie stared at the object. It seems like it just got bought, looks all sleek and new with its black with blue stripes background.

“What’s wrong with it?”

“Just some troubles, like many.” he chowed down the pizza, mozzarella cheese melted to his mouth. Donnie can slightly see that the guy somehow had fangs. Until then he realized that he also had a pair of small brown horns. They’re obscured by his unruly hair, which makes him wonder what kind of guy he is.

“Can I take a look on your phone?” he asked. Silver stared at him. He paused for a bit, thinking if he should listen to the kid. 

He sighed and give the kid his phone. Donnie carefully took it and began his inspections. He turns on the phone and found the thing had a hard time finishing the intro. Once Donnie had access to the content, he took his time checking every system, apps, and settings. 

Silver rests his head on his hand, watching the kid gone all quiet, eyes fixated on the screen. He can see the kid in full concentration on what he’s doing, so he didn’t bother to ask anything. 

“Is it okay if I upgrade them a bit?” Donnie offered. Silver raised his eyebrow. The word ‘upgrade’ intrigues and astonished him. Can the kid really upgrade his phone? The kid seems serious about what he said. Although, is it a good idea to let a kid messes with his phone?

But Silver is more curious than worry. Silver gives him a nod. Donnie looked around for Hueso. The skeleton saw the turtle waved at him. He approached him, “If you looking for your coffee, it still in a brewing state.”

“Oh, okay. But also, do you still have my toolbox here?”

“The one that you keep forgetting to bring back with you and instead of you taking it insisting to let me store it for you?” Hueso said in a nonchalant look. Donnie grinned nervously. He sighed, “I’ll go and get it for you.” he walks towards his office.

Donnie went back to the phone in his hand. Silver just watched in quiet, finishing his meal. A waiter with six arms came and put a mug of coffee at Donnie’s side. He quickly took a sip and continue his inspecting. 

Hueso came back with a purple toolbox, he put it next to the mug and went off to do his business. The table shook as the toolbox was set down, how many tools the kid have in that thing?

Donnie put his mug to his other side. He pushed a button on the box and attracted all the tools held by small robot arms. Silver was shocked by the sheer amount of tools that came out of it. 

Donnie opened the phone’s casing. Pulled down his goggles, he types something in his tech bracelet and the robot arms helping him out to do some tinkering. Silver blinked, he observes the kid doing something to his phone. 

He watched the three-fingered hands deftly moves between each tool, once seeing his hand reaching something inside the box and implanting it onto the phone. He waited for the kid to finish as it seems the kid doesn’t want to be bothered while doing his work.

Finally, Donnie plopped back the casing. The toolbox retracted back all the tools, back to its former form. Donnie turned on the phone and give it back to Silver. He took his phone and take a look at it.

“I upgrade the memory storage, which now can hold 200 GB. It’s the biggest one I can get other than stealing it. I upgraded the ram storage, the system processor, the cache settings. Updated further the anti-virus with my own coding, also put a tiny Donnie-blocker to keep off all kinds of mal-ware, aaand installing a new set of cameras for further perfection on either photo or video making ability. Oh, and I give you some unlimited access to the internet. Your Welcome and Thank you!” he smiled with pride and joy. 

Silver nodded in amazement. He explored his phone further and he can already felt the significant difference from before. No lagging, quick accessing, one-second loading. Whatever the kid has done, it did wonders for his phone. “Well, I gotta say, Kid. I’m impressed.” he praised.

Donnie flinched by the appraisal from him. He smiled broadly with tears of joy. How long has he been dreaming for an adult’s appraisals and approvals? Too long perhaps that he can’t contain his smile. Which made Silver cringe at him. Hueso walked past them and saw Donnie glittering in happiness.

“Did you praised him?” he asked.

“Is that a bad thing?”

“No. Just brace yourself, that’s all.” he added, leaving them alone. Silver pinched his nose-bridge.

###

Silver walks along the Hidden City’s streets with his new modified phone in his hand. The first thing he finds is that the kid had put thousands of songs on the music list. He’s really intrigued with the titles of each of them, noted to himself that he should give them a try.

“So, where are you going?”

He sighed, he nearly forgot that the said kid still on his tail. 

Silver : Why don’t you just go home, kid?

Donnie : First of all, I am not a kid. I’m 16.

Silver : And, I’m 28. So you’re a kid to me.

Donnie : Scoff! I am a teenager, thank you very much! *arm-crossed*

Silver : Why are you saying ‘scoff’ out loud?

Donnie : And, second, I’m not ready to go home, yet. 

Silver : Why not?

Donnie : Well, even though I’ve been here for an hour and fifty-one minutes, but I just got here.

Silver : And, now, you can go home.

Donnie stopped in his track. Silver noticed the lack of sound of the kid’s footsteps, he turned around at Donnie who clearly unhappy, avoiding eye contact.

“I just won’t, alright? You won’t understand.” he shoved his hands in his pockets. Silver raised an eyebrow, the kid still refused to look at him. 

He sure didn’t understand what the kid’s deal is that he doesn’t want to go home. But it’s not like Silver would want to be part of it, especially if it’s a personal matter. He rolled his eyes and continued his walk, eyes fixated on the screen until he heard the kid’s footsteps following him again.

He peered his head back to the kid. Donnie saw him staring and froze. Silver stares nonchalantly. Donnie frowned, looking away dejected. He can still sense being stared.

“Okay, FINE. I’ll go! Stop staring at me like that!” Donnie quickly turned around, grumbling in his hood. Silver watched the kid's leaves, the kid’s wisp flew close to his head, caressing him.

He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to feel bad, he knows the kid can take care of himself, as long as he stops spacing out. Sia stares at him, unimpressed, which triggered Silver in the way.

“What?” he flatly asked. Sia scolded her living friend, squeaking away like no tomorrow. “The last thing I want other than being stranded here is becoming a babysitter. Okay?”

Sia pouts, she crossed her arms and look away. Silver rolled his eyes, he doesn’t need this right now. “Uuuugh!!! HEY, KID!”

Donnie quickly turns his head. Silver sighed, there’s no turning back now. “Come on, there’s a place that I wanna go. You can help out there if you want.” he walks away.

He didn’t need to wait or looking back to know that kid accepted his offer when he heard a running coming from behind. Donnie joined him on his side, keeping it quiet, in case if the man changes his mind.

He has a lot of questions, but putting them off the table. Keeping it cool as he observed the guy scrolling through his phone. Donnie shoves his hands, trying to obscure his fingers fidgeting restlessly. He’s giddy for some reason, he doesn’t know why. 

What he should do is be cautious, especially when you’re meeting a stranger. But so far, the stranger had been kind to him, despite all the snarkiness. 

He saved his life from a falling boulder which he still doesn’t understand why it’s there. He responsibly trying to make him feel better in case he was shaken from the near-death experience--which he got to be honest, that he was, only a little. And, he let him tinker his phone and upgraded it, and not to mention, appraisal--legitness--for his work.

He can’t help but smile with that thought, this Silver guy sure is an interesting one. He learned that souls can leave a part of their own, remnants of their memories, and formed into these little ghosts called Wisps.

The concept of this little entity really intrigues him, and now that he knows that he has a Wisp of his own, which is none other than his Gram-Gram. And, that hits him,

Donnie : About the Wisps...

Silver : Hm? 

Donnie : Gram-Gram is a part of a family, my family. And, I’m sure that she also loves my brothers. Right?

Silver : Put it this way, you have how many people in one family, and there’s one who passes away and that person loves every single one of them. If a wisp wanted to go back to their loved ones, and there are many, so they’ll follow them all.

Donnie : How?

Silver : The explanatory still confuses me, but a wisp can actually exist more than once in the living. For example, if your wisp is following you now, they also follow the others. Like,...ugh, putting it simply, they can be in two or more places at the same time.

Donnie : That’s......mildly confusing.

Silver : You tell me.

Donnie : Wait, so...if my Wisp actually exists somewhere else and following my family,  that means, she’s also there.

Silver : So?

Donnie : So, that means, if I can speak her language, she can help pinpoint their locations, etcetera.

Silver : .....

Donnie : .....

Silver : Huh, I haven’t thought of that.

Donnie : Really?

Silver : But to be fair, not all wisps had the same case. For example, Sia right here.

Donnie : That also hits me, who is she to you?

Silver stopped, Donnie flinched at him. Silver stares blankly at the phone, although he is sure that he wasn’t staring at it. He was getting worried about how the guy didn’t say anything. He figured it actually hurts him, being asked that question.

Donnie guiltily looked away, rubbing his arm. “Sorry.” He apologized. Sia the wisp turned sad, followed by Karai.

Then, he flinched when he felt his head being patted. He meets Silver’s eyes, he didn’t smile but he’s certainly caressing. Silver let go of his hand and continue his walking. Donnie blinked, trying to process what he just did. He rubbed his head, still confused and took off to catch up.

Silver took a right and went up a stair. Donnie paused to see that he was heading towards what looks like a Museum, Yokai’s Museum. Silver went inside, not waiting around for him. Donnie ran in, until, “OOF!!!” he bumps real hard into a large hand and fell back. 

“Oww!” he rubs his head. A troll-like yokai with massively oversize hands stood guard at the entrance.

“Buy ticket first! Only ten dollars!” he said with a deep croaky voice. Silver showed up from the Museum.

“Go get yourself a ticket, kid! I’m only paying for your food.” he disappeared into the building. Donnie stood up peevishly, raising his shoulders. He sighed, reached out a ten-dollar from his wallet.

The Museum looks somewhat bigger than the outside. On the way in, Donnie picked up a pamphlet from its racks. The Museum contains artworks like statues, paintings, carvings, etc. Even some historical objects and artifacts. 

Donnie curiously looked in every direction. Never in his life went to a Museum legally and full of people and bright lights. Last time he has been in a Museum, he had to fight a psychotic hypo and the Foot-clans, breaking every content within.

Donnie scurries along through to find Silver, he isn’t in the Gallery, which now leads him to the Artifact Room. Donnie peeked into the hallway, he didn’t see him yet. He went further as he took his time sightseeing until he stumbled upon a large circular room.

The room was littered with weird, wacky, and interesting artifacts floats on pedestals. And without Donnie’s goggles, he can still see that some of them had mystic powers lingers within. He assuming they all real artifacts that are no longer in use, despite that some still have little powers to spare.

He found Silver stands and observe a floating crescent-like object. Donnie stood beside him, looking at the name on the info board. Rubbing his chin as he translates the language, “Obliath of Secrecy.”

“It’s an artifact that once used to conceal a massive gate that prevents Oble Troll from entering a farm patch for the early season of Fire Cabbage Festival, thirty years ago. Created by an old fairy farmer who lives with the farm patches.” Silver explains. Donnie looked at him astonished.

“You know about artifacts?”

“No, it says so in this info board.” he points at the board he just read. 

“O-oh...”

“Anyway, we’re not here for sightseeing.” he said, “Come.”

Donnie raised his eyebrow, he looked at Karai, she shook her head, not knowing what it means. Donnie shrugged and followed the men.

As Donnie follows, he saw Silver talk to a tiger yokai from afar. Donnie paused for a moment, he observes as Silver received some kind of a key from the yokai and quickly put them in his inner pocket. As the yokai leaves, Silver turned to Donnie and gesturing him to follow.

Donnie became suspicious, still, he does what he’s told. He approached Silver who’s standing near a big sarcophagus. He looked around, to make sure nobody’s looking and opened the coffin. “Get in.”

“Why?”

“Just do it.” And, Donnie did. Silver followed and closed the coffin, hiding the two inside.

###

Silver slowly opens the sarcophagus slightly, peeking out to the now dark Artifact Room. Sia emerged from the coffin, looking around as she flew away. She went back and nodded, Silver opens the coffin entirely, letting Donnie and himself out. 

Donnie gingerly looks around, unsure of what will they be doing.

“What are we doing?” he asked, only to be shushed by Silver. Silver promptly stealth walking into the empty room. Donnie follows without difficulty as he was trained to be stealthy. Silver leads them both to a turn left to the sarcophagus that leads to a storage room. Silver stopped, assessing the situation.

“What are we doing here?!” Donnie whispered. Silver ignores him and lets Sia come forth first. She flew ahead towards the door until she passed an invisible barrier that reanimated as she came through. Donnie was amazed by the presence of the invisible wall. 

Silver waited to make sure it didn’t trigger any kind of alarm, which it didn’t. He comes close to the barrier, putting his palm onto it. It was solid, as it should be. Donnie looked around to make sure they were alone, getting more worried about this whole situation.

Silver took a breath in and out, he casts an energy flow onto his hand, the bluish energy glows stunningly in the dark. Donnie watched in awe from a couple of feet away. It then formed itself into a long energy stream, condensed into a sword-like structure.

Donnie was surprised by the guy’s capability, it looks different than any mystic weapons he saw. Silver slashed the barrier right down the middle, then proceed to slice the bottom frame. The sword disappeared, Silver opened the barrier like it was a curtain. He gesturing Donnie to get in first.

“Can you please tell me what’s going on?!” he protested in a whisper.

“I’ll tell you when we get inside. Move!” Donnie opened his mouth to speak, “Kid, you’ve gone far to follow me here. And I don’t mind at all that you bail right this second. Your choice.”

Despite him whispering, Silver’s voice was sharp and stern, giving massive goosebumps towards Donnie’s shell. A strike of fear suddenly picking up, Donnie momentarily having a staring contest with the guy.

He could bail, but he needs to know what this guy’s doing. If he’s doing something bad, it’s his job as a Hamato to stop him. He can’t let it slide, he needs to know what’s going on. He stepped into the barrier, no turning back now.

He stopped at the door, Silver came up and use the key on the door. The storage filled with unshowcased artifacts organized in some ways. Silver carefully closed the door behind him and locked it, Donnie took a moment to look around. 

He has seen some of these artifacts in Draxum’s research notes. Few of them extremely foreign. 

“THOOOONG!!!!”

Donnie jumped at the sound from behind him. Silver cast some kind of barrier in bluish and white streams of energy. Suddenly, he toppled over, lying on his side. Donnie jerked up and ran at him. His breathing is normal and his pulse is steady but the guy had fallen unconscious.

“Silver?” he patted his cheeks, hoping to wake him up. Silver let out a groan. Donnie helped him to sit, leaning him to a wall. “What happened? You okay?” 

“I might...have put....too many in....one go.” he said, sounding really exhausted. Donnie looked at the barrier. It looks very sturdy, not sure how many he actually put in one spot. Donnie turned back to him.

“But, you’re okay, right?

“Yeah, just....a little tired.” he hoists himself up, pushing up against the wall to get back to his feet. Donnie ducked under his arm, helping him walk around the storage room. Silver leads them further inside, Sia flew right ahead. She pinpoints the directions around the many crates filled with artifacts, to where they should go and they follow.

Until they reached a large pedestal with an object that floats right in the middle. Silver let his arm go from Donnie. “There it is.”

The artifact shape is a trapezoid, with carvings all over its dark plum coloring. The object felt different than the others, felt threatening in some ways. Donnie frowned by the sight of it as Silver approached the thing. He held his hand out to it.

“Wait, what are you doing?” 

“What does it look like?” he said, “I’m stealing it.”

A paused for a moment.

“Wait, WHAT?!”

[kiv-p]

My drawing situation

Heyyy I’ve finally gotten around to explaining what’s up (In as much detail as I can. I wanna be clear).

The computer I’ve been using (computer blue) had about 27 GB of space on it. It’s Windows 10 and it’s been sucking up the space with updates and stuff so I’ve been fighting updates off like a super samurai.

I was at about 1GB for the longest time but then I found medibang and wanted to give it a try and it literally sucked up all that space leaving me with around 200 some MB. 

I went through the computer to try and delete some stuff so I could reset it but I didn’t have enough space to reset... so I deleted literally every single thing on it. (I kid you not I have no idea if half the stuff I deleted was important for the computer to function or not).

It kept giving me an error that it couldn’t reset so I was stuck with a computer that could probably blue screen me at any moment.

Then I remember my original computer. It hadn’t been charged in over a year but it was there. I got it charged up and it was so slow I couldn’t watch videos offline. I reset THIS one and now it works OK (videos work fine, streams are meh and art’s a bit of a pain. Not as much as it was though). I downloaded medibang (and a bunch of other stuff since it has room upon room I can use.)

The biggest issue with it is I can’t draw and have other programs open at the same time, even having discord open can interfere but it’s not as bad as having the internet open in the background. (when the internet’s open I can’t change layers without having to wait two minutes for everything to reload hhhh)

So now I use computer blue to record videos on (since the webcam is better and it’s faster) and theold one to draw on (despite the fact that it’s still slow and occasionally freezes up when I try to do something which completely kills my interest.)

So, I can draw, but because of how slow it still is it’s a bit tedious and really frustrating. Comics might be a no-go (I’m trying to work on a non-fetish one now and it’s an utter nightmare....) but I’ll still do regular old fetish art once I get back into it.

tl;dr My current computer is trash and has no room so I’m using my old one which has room to draw on but it’s super slow.

[madzilla84]

I saw that post that was about how many phones you’ve ever had, and the short answer is ‘10 plus a series of iPhones’, but I thought it might be more fun to actually list them and roughly when I had them because I’m just cool like that.

1. Nokia 5110 - 1999-ish. The OG, my first phone; I got a Saturday job when I was 15 just so I could buy this. There was no pay-as-you-go so I had to get put on my godmother’s contract and pay line rental. -_- It had changeable, press-on faceplates and *naturally* I had an X-Files one. 7p per text message smh

2. Nokia 3210 - I upgraded to this one about a year later (2000-2001ish) and it was honestly my fave of this Nokia generation of phones. I was in LOVE with this phone. And you could change the front AND back plates so I got a new X-Files cover ofc

3. Nokia 8310, 2002-ish - the smolest; made at a time when phones were getting tinier and tinier (hence the tiny cellphone joke in Zoolander) and I could not resist the tiny cuteness, even if the buttons were almost unusably small. I still have this phone in a drawer for some reason.

4. Nokia 3310 - the phone I got when I went to uni (2002). Unfortunately they didn’t make an X-Files cover RIP. Extremely Iconic™️; they even released a new version in 2017 for that nostalgic millennial who’s, like, doing a digital detox or whatever. I had this one for ages actually because i was unemployed and broke for about 2 years yay

5. Samsung SPH-A500 - *queen of my heart playing in the background* got this in around 2004/2005 (when i got a job) I think and oooooh my god I loved it to heckin pieces!! it was just such a nice design and having a flip phone then was Super Cool and it had a COLOUR screen good grief. Brilliant phone but god help you if you pressed the WAN button for internet, see you in 25 minutes when it’s finished loading, 6 pounds poorer. Sadly this lovely phone got pinched on a nightclub and I replaced it with...

6. Samsung S300 - very similar, bit smaller. I still have this one too, and it works perfectly! maybe 2006, I think.

7. Samsung E530 - awwww, I loved this phone. It was like my existing flip phone only smooth and sleek and *pink* and it even had a tinie mirror on the front for selfies which weren’t really a big thing yet. I had it for a few years until flip phones started to go out of vogue and slide phones became a thing, with Faster Internet and Touch-Sensitive Keys and such, so I upgraded to...

8. LG Chocolate, 2008ish - absolute garbage, terrible, so-called touch-sensitive buttons didn’t work, bleh. Very quickly changed it for:

9. Samsung U600. Better version of essentially the same thing. The other phone I still have. No idea if it still works ... it was fine but I didn’t love it like I did the flip phones. 

10. Blackberry Curve - 2009ish I believe. In the pre-iPhone part of my life, this was just an absolute game-changer; the first phone I had that could properly access the internet and honestly, having a full physical keyboard was actually amazing (though you did have to put up with clickclickclickclickclickclick all the time). I remember writing long LJ entries at Dragoncon in 2009 on this bad lad, and this was also when I properly started using twitter because I could finally access it on the go. But as I was constantly carrying around both my Blackberry and my iPod, my next upgrade was inevitable.

11. iPhone 3GS - 2010 I think - 16 mighty GB. Honestly this iPhone was gorgeous, with its curved white back. It rocked a little when you put it down but that made it easier to pick up, and lovely to hold. (It would be a few more years until I could ditch the digital camera as it was still only 3MP, but STILL!)

And it’s been a series of iPhones since then; I upgrade every 2 years or so when my contract renews, so I’ve skipped a few models; I currently have the XR, which expires at the end of this year oooo how exciting.

[b-ap]

[181117] B.A.P Forever Tour in Philadelphia - Highlight of my Life

This was really one of the best concerts I’ve ever gone to. Despite being skeptical of JSJ from the beginning, I was still willing to risk it and buy the tickets. I was debating for a while to drop $400 or not for m&g but when you think about it, it was only $30 per photo with each of the boys (+ a hat, hoodie, and whistle) so that’s HELLA worth it.  So I dropped nearly $600 for this concert but for real it was SO worth it. I was even willing to go down by bus all by myself and possibly wandering the streets of philly late at night for it but luckily was able to catch a ride! 

These two BABYz gave out numbers from the very beginning like they marked down if you were plat or baby package and in the end JSJ and fans actually honored them! It was really great cuz we were able to leave the line to go to the bathroom or get food! BABYz around me were so nice and friendly too ;u; When it was time to go in to soundcheck and for the concert, we all actually got in order! It was REALLY nice like wow thank you philly babyz!! We were let in a little late for soundcheck cuz apparently bap was doing some kind of interview?? As for soundcheck, it was sooOOOoooOOO good!!! They kinda mixed up plat and baby but oh well whatever I still got like 3rd row so *^* WOOHOO! The stage was up really high and the venue was quite small, but philly crowd’s passion was explosive and powerful!! At the beginning of soundcheck Zelo kept like peeking out from the backstage door *^* they were ODing the fog machine so you could only see silhouettes at the door sometimes OTL. Daehyun was the first to come out! He came in this big puffer jacket and had earphones and and was smiling so cutely!! That wonderful wonderful kitty smile!! OH MY HEART PLEASE HAVE MERCY!! And then the others came out! <3 Zelo was wearing like PJ pants lmao the same one he wore in that IG pic of him in the truck, jongup was wearing leather (i think.....), himchan wore the tour hoodie, and youngjae wore a long coat. BUT YEAH the first song they did was TMJ and the crowd was hella LIT!!! Like everyone was singing their lungs out and jumping and being really really excited! We all started jamming out hardcore at the very first note of TMJ and I just knew it was about to be epic. BAP was sooo happy!! They really enjoyed it as well!  And then they did DWIF and omfg daehyun was soooo cute cuz we were so loud during the OH!! part that he was like :O!!!!! and gave us two thumbs up!! The others were really happy too!! And then Zelo was controlling the crowd with his hands LOL like he was making us go side to side like a wave and then jongup was doing this weird dance too lmaooo we hyped up each other so much! It was soo much fun ;A; too bad we couldn’t record but JSJ got a ( video )~!! Like just listen to BABYz singing along at the beginning!! ( dh shocked at 0:41, thumbs up at 0:51)

We had to go back outside again after the concert and that’s when the line got a little messy since now there was also GA peeps and the sidewalk is only so big to fit like 3 different lines. But it worked out in the end and we got in order!! AND YA GIRL GOT FCKN 2ND ROW HEEEEEEEEELLLL YEAHH!! I had a GREAT view!! There was actually quite a lot of space and like NO pushing!! (except this one bishhhh but whatever that’s another story -.- i’ll delete her from my memory) But wow pit was fCKN great like wow the fanchants!! The whistles!! NO PUSHING!! LIKE WHAT WOOOW I LOVE YOU (this was an all standing venue btw). When we were waiting for the concert to start, they played a bunch of their songs and everyone was scream-singing the lyrics (well more like trying to LOL we can’t korean) We had our own bap concert with an empty stage lmaooo 

AND AHHHH BAP WAS SOOOO GOOD AT FANSERVICE!!! Himchan noticed me like several times i fucking cRy!! He looked and waved at mee TWICE and like gestured to focus on zelo for recording and taking pics when it was his part AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Like last year he saw me struggling in pit (cuz that was HELL) and looked worried I CRY and he smiled at me too huuuhuuu himchan youre a fckn angel I LOVE YOU!!! I made a half heart at daehyun and hE FCKN COMPLETED IT I WAS ABOUT TO FCKN DIE RIGHT THEN AND THERE LIKE !!!!!!!!!!!! JOngup threw so many hearts and kisses at the crowd and youngjae blew so many kisses!! They were waving as much as possible to fans and daehyun, bless his heart, kept saying thank you!!thank you!! at any chance he could get!

During Q&A, bap spent the longest time arguing about harry potter houses pmsl and then yj was just like idk i never watched it (shame on you bro) and then himchan was like EXPECTRO PATRONUM!! (nerrRRRddddd). Jongup said he was fckn Dobby like bruH thats not even a house!!! YJ was like forget this!! and said, “PASS!!” Himchan said that he was Slytherin and then jongup said that Himchan would be fkcn Snape and did this dramatic coat sweeping straightening up his back thing LOL so himchan said Jongup would be a muggle pmsl Zelo did like a broom riding imitation??? irdk.... Next question was what was your favorite song that you’ve ever made. Jongup answered Photo and sang a little of it (so then where is the studio version biiSHHHhh) but lol BABYz were like SEXY CLAP!!!!!! Youngjae pulled out a question, looked at it and was like NOPE! and put it back pmsl! The next question was what tricks can Mochii do and then youngjae was frckn like body slamming zelo and jongup lmaooo. Zelo was sooooo cute he was telling the story of how Mochii bit in all in English!! He said how he was eating and was struggling to explain that Mochii was under the table so BABYz were helping him! He said that he dropped cheese and then Mochii went to eat it but Zelo tried to stop him. Mochii bit and and then Zelo was like “ooh! bloood! my dog is ...wildlife” but the way he said blood was soo cute like the oo in moon instead of “blud”  This sweet precious boy!! His English was so good!!!! The next question was to sing happy birthday to a BABY named Jenny (wow you LUCKY girl im sooo jelly omfg). So Zelo sings her hbd really dramatically lmao and they give her their sweaty towel and Zelo gave her a water bottle too!! They’re so sweet!!!!!!! 

During their other talk segment, Youngjae was like since our tour in america, philly has been the most passionate! So we all SCREAMED and cheered like crazy! Daehyun was like hold up!! AGAIN! and went to grab a phone. He made us all scream and cheer again so he could record it. The boys kept gesturing to scream louder and more and were totally enjoying the cheers! I hope we conveyed our love for them well enough!! Also Daehyun release that footage soon pls!!! He told us we did a good job screaming lmaoo! Youngjae kept making sounds for us to repeat lmao like ooOOoooo (idk how to describe it LOL) and then was like “maestro!” when trying to silence us with his fingers like a conductor LOL but we kept screaming things LOL someone was like “this is my first kpop concert!!” so youngjae was like “sounds good!” and gave a thumbs up. Jongup also did the conductor thing hahahah Daehyun promised to come back again next year and I REALLY REALLY hope that they do!!!! 

The solos were beyond amazing. Like rewatching youngjae and daehyun’s solos made me tear up like how do such beautiful voices exist in this world? Did I really hear those ethereal voices in real life? It was sooo mesmerizing and breathtaking! Youngjae’s gorgeous baritone voice singing that smooth ballad huuuhuuu my heEArt!!! Daehyun’s heartwrenchingly beautiful voice, song, and lyrics wow let me just lie down and drown in my tears rn bYE! DaeUp’s duet was so cool, Jongup’s TML was perfect as usual, Zelo’s solo was sinful oh my those hip and that peach *blushes* it was suuuper fun and Zelo enjoyed it a LOT too!!! He lifted up his shirt!! 

THEN IT WAS M&G TIME!!! They set up the background right in front of the stage. We lined up to go in and bap was standing like: jongup, youngjae, daehyun, himchan, zelo! It was plat individual photos first, then baby group + hi-touch, then plat group + hi-touch. BABYz really went for it!! Like a lot of us got hugs! We were able to watch the whole m&g but they didnt let us have our phones out ;A; (and I also had used up all 6.5 GB of space on my phone OTL) BAP were SOOOOOOOO sweet UGH we stan literal ANGELS!! They love BABYz so fricken much!! JSJ was sooo nice to allow a lot of fan interactions AHHHHHHHH BAP did a lot of cute poses and played around with BABYz! LEt mE TELL YOU THAT BAP IS SERIOUSLY SOOOO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL, HANDSOME, GORGEOUS, STUNNING, MESMERIZING, UP CLOSE HOW DID MY HEART EVEN SURVIVE?????? I GOT TO BEAR HUG EVERYONEEEE THEYRE ALL SO TALL AND IM HELLA SMOL SO THEY HAD TO SQUAT DOWN FOR ME HUUHUU THYE LIKE PATTED MY BACK DURING THE HUGS TOO AHHHHHH WE HAD A DECENT AMOUNT OF TIME WITH ALL OF THEM!!! I TOLD DAEHYUN I SAW HIM IN KOREA IN ASU AND HE WAS LIKE OOOOOH THANK YOU!!! CURSES TO MY TINY AF VOICE CUZ I DONT THINK THEY ALL EVEN REALLY HEARD WHAT I SAID SOMETIMES!!! I told Zelo he was too tall for me lmaooo I really wanna see how much he had to bend down for me! I seriously wished that my m&g was recorded but :((((((((((( After my m&g I legit squealed and hugged my friend lmao but the staff yelled at us for being too loud LMAO BUT GIRL WE JUST HUGGED FCKN KINGS LIKE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We tried to contain ourselves as much as possible LOL Daehyun said thank you out loud to a lot of BABYz after their m&g! Zelo kept dabbing at BABYz lmaooo a lot of them didnt notice tho cuz he would do it after they had already passed him HAHAHA when it was my hi-touch I dabbed at Zelo hahah and he dabbed back :D I wanted to get a group hug from them but i got too excited and FUCKING FORGOT to ask for a group hug *kicks myself* Now I wish I had written my name on a name tag (like “HI I’M JUNIE”) and hope they wouldve said “HI JUNIE”  but I didnt OTL 

I really wish I could relive the whole day. I wish I was able to record my m&g and got a group hug or them to say my name or I had said something more to them but it’s ok my heart is very very happy and I love bap soo much. My 7 year love for them continues and I will really love them forever. Let’s meet again soon, my loves! I’m looking forward to then~! 

[mashitandsmashit]

America’s Got Talent: The Champions - Auditions 4

So, despite what I said last week about not wanting the results to be spoiled to me, some jerk in the Youtube comments gave away this week’s results (and pretty much all of the remaining results for this season...I thought the finale would at least be live, but I guess not...) Needless to say, it kinda ruined my day...

I mean, some of my favorite variety acts in the history of the show were all there...And both of the acts to advance are the two solo singers with sob stories! (That’s a lot of S’s! And S is for SIMON!!!)

But since I heard them ahead of time, I was able to go into tonight with an open mind, take the results with a pinch of salt, understand that they probably would have been quite different if it was live, everyone watching at home could vote, there were more spots, etc.

And indeed, I was overall very satisfied! Everyone tonight seemed to put everything they had into their performances, and they all had something to offer...Even some singers that I wasn’t looking forward to rose well above my expectations! While I’m still very disappointed by the results, I can at least see what circumstances led to this, and overall, this is probably my favorite Champions show so far!

So let’s rank the acts that made up this strong show...

10: Moonlight Brothers. In a night filled with strong contenders, these two stuck out like a sore thumb...Ironically, by NOT sticking out! Howie pretty much summed it all up when he basically said that America is a completely different arena than where THEY come from, because if they were on AGT, they would have been cannon fodder...But hey, I thought they were pretty entertaining and had some interesting moves...Nonetheless, there was no doubt who last place was going to...Also, GOOD GOD, I’M SO SICK OF THAT FLOSS DANCE!!!

9: Issy Simpson. Didn’t know who she was before, but now that I do, I like her! ...Except she apparently already did this same trick for her BGT audition...Ouch! That’s gonna dock her some significant points!

8: Brian Justin Crum. This is who I THOUGHT was gonna get the GB, because his story is just the right amount of “inspiring” for Simon, but he’s also proven to be one of the more exceptional singers in recent seasons...Also, the promo last week showed him in front of a glittery golden background, so I thought it was a dead giveaway...Turns out I was half right, because that apparently comes up for the OTHER act advancing as well...Anyway, yeah, I still like him, but compared to some of the other acts, I wish it went to someone else...And it’s ironic, because I was ready to accept him advancing ALONGSIDE one of my favorites over the other two singing acts...And yet, the other two actually exceeded my expectations, whereas he settled on being...BIG! Not that that’s a bad thing in and of itself, but for me it just wasn’t as compelling to listen to...But I will say, that song choice was just a natural pick for him, especially since it’s from a fellow gay man! In fact, during Season 11, I was waiting to see if he was gonna perform it...

7: Drew Lynch. I’ve always considered Drew to be quite underrated, and his jokes tonight were mostly quite solid...Maybe if the set lasted longer than 30 seconds (I know that’s an exaggeration...His stutters add at LEAST an extra minute!), he’d rank higher!

6: The Texas Tenors. Ahhh, Season 4...The year I got into AGT! I was a naive young fool back then...I was VERY prone to getting my hopes up (even more than I am now!) I was like, “Well, that Kevin Skinner guy is good and all, but he’s not as good as the other singers, so maybe the semi-finals is as far as he should go...Can’t have TOO many singers in the final round, right? Gotta make room for the variety acts...Like Acrodunk! They should TOTALLY clean up tomorrow night!” That infamous season is what ultimately prepared me for the pain I would have to endure down the road if I were to continue to watch this show...And one of the biggest pains was watching these three pretty-boys (okay, the short one’s not that pretty) make it all the way to Fourth Place on what appeared to be nothing but their Southern charm! And it’s not even that I hated them; I acknowledged that they had singing talent, and they had this schmaltzy charm to them...BUT FOURTH PLACE!? I mean, I watched some great acts get knocked out in favor of them, some of my favorite acts of the season! And these rednecks get to smile their way all the way to fourth!? It was one of my first big outrages while watching this show...But why? Again, they could sing...But there was just something about them I couldn’t stand...Anyway, I’m rambling here; The point I’m trying to make is that I actually really enjoyed them tonight! I don’t know what it is...Maybe their individual vocals have improved (because they all have uniquely great singing voices), maybe the harmony has improved...Or maybe I just feel differently about them now! I guess I’ll have to go back and re-watch their Season 4 performances and make a comparison...(I have been strongly considering watching AGT from the beginning and giving my thoughts on the older seasons, seeing how they compare with my thoughts back then in the cases of Season 4 onward...)

5: Kechi. Ooh, I felt so much outrage when I heard she was advancing over the Top 4 acts in this list (who are mostly ranked like that out of sheer bias)! With all of the acts this season (and in this episode) that make me smile, seeing her tragic disfigurement again and hearing her sad story was bound to bring down my mood, and hearing that I will see her in the finals over said joy-bringing acts brought it down even more! Going into tonight, I knew she had damn well better justify her place! ...She justified her place! BY FAR her best performance to date! I think what I like about her is that she doesn’t try to belt it out all big...I just haven’t been a big fan of hers in the past because I felt that she could USE a little more “big”! And tonight, she went just big enough while keeping it nice and balanced, and when she does that, she really can be one of the best singers! I saw a hint of that in her quarter-final performance back in Season 12, but not until tonight have I seen her full potential unleashed! That said, I think it’s pretty obvious why Simon REALLY wanted to give her the GB, and I’m convinced that as producer, he made sure to arrange her to perform this week when he gets to do that! Classic Simon...

4: Kenichi Ebina. Okay, I’m not gonna deny that my constant support of Kenichi is mostly bias, because even back in Season 8, there WAS kind of a hit and miss quality to most of his performances...But I still couldn’t help but love this guy and everything he represented! Tonight was no different; The dances were mostly limited to the DDR segment at the beginning, and then he went all big fancy effects, and didn’t do a whole lot physically from there...So I can see where Mel’s coming from...But I loved the effects, I loved the story, and I especially loved the little robot dog aiding him throughout...It wasn’t perfect; Honestly, his performances never really were...But I don’t think any AGT contestant has inspired me as much as this guy has! My respect for him transcends his performances! I guess that’s a major reason why I was so happy that he won Season 8 despite his imperfections, and why I was deep down hoping he could defend his AGT cred in Champions by at least making the finals...But I guess you can’t have them all...Nonetheless, I still can’t help but salute this guy!

3: Paul Zerdin. I guess there weren’t any big innovations like the animatronic effects he did back in Season 10, but as Howie said, this guy’s always finding unique ways to play with the art of ventriloquism...Like Darci, I would like to see new puppets from him (and voices that don’t sound like Howie doing a British Bobby Generic), but this guy still entertains me every time!

2: The Professional Regurgitator. I think everyone can take Simon’s opinions here with a grain of salt...His decision to buzz the guy while he had a razor blade in his throat on the other hand...From what I heard from Stevie ahead of time as well as his curse to Simon backstage, I can tell he’s pissed at this, even more than Heidi is! And I know this isn’t for everyone...I should know; I didn’t like this guy at first when he came on in Season 10 either...But with all the crazy tricks he pulled off, he just kept growing on me! This might not have been his best trick to date...but I’m still pretty damn impressed, however he pulled it off! And for all his talk of swallowing Paul Zerdin, perhaps the one who he SHOULD be swallowing is Simon Cowell! It would surely be a terrifying sight...But also cathartic!

1: Tape Face. I’m actually quite surprised that he managed to get into the Top 3 (or 4?) But it provided a slight bit of satisfaction to an otherwise disappointing result...Perhaps a big part of it is that he made sort of a love letter to the show while getting Howie and Terry to do much of the performing...It’s actually quite genius! But a big part of what makes this character so charming is simply his presence! I could only imagine what it would have been like if I was in the audience waiting to see what old AGT act would come onstage next, and then seeing that weird intro where he’s in shadows...and then sits up and reveals himself! I would be cheering...at least in my mind, because I’m socially awkward...Not much else to say; It’s Tape Face! ‘Nuff said!

So again, I would have liked to see at least one favorite make it alongside whatever sob story singer that Simon was inevitably gonna give the GB to...But for what we got, I’m happy! Onward to next week!

I’m actually not gonna bother ranking next week’s acts based on my support, because half of them are foreign acts who I’ve never heard of (but they all sound interesting), and the other half...Well, I can’t say there are any that I DON’T like...Let’s just say that there are two clear front-runners (though I know only one of them will go through), a singing group that I really like, a singer who I...like enough...and a magician who I like, but will surely be overshadowed by the other one who is one of the pre-mentioned front-runners (in fact, they will no doubt play up a rivalry with the two).

I guess that is all there is to say for now...

[anthropwashere]

@proserpine-in-phases tagged me in a thing about writing, so naturally I’m going to do this instead of write!

1) is there a story you’re holding off on writing for some reason?

A lot of my deadfics end up stalling out over research roadblocks. I’ll flub my way through one scene with the intent to come back after I’ve done my Google-fu, and then another, and another, aaaaand that’s now too much work. 

2) what work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing?

A JTHM fic I wrote in high school that ended up deadfic because I ran off to BMT. It was well-received at the time but looking at it now? It’s just so ow, the edge. I’ve low-key considered tearing it down and rewriting it, but it’s been ten years and I can’t even recall where I was going with it. 

3) what order do you write in? front of book to back? chronological? favorite scenes first? something else?

90% chronological with a lot of snippets for later scenes piled haphazardly at the end of every Gdoc. of all the things that might have been was the big exception. There’s 28k posted and another 50k trapped behind a heap of writer’s block. :C

4) favorite character you’ve written?

Gee, I wonder!

5) character you were most surprised to end up writing?

Winry Rockbell. Not my usual character type to write by far, but she was just as surprisingly fun to write.

6) something you would go back and change in your writing that it’s too late/complicated to change now?

A ton of older fic on AO3 has a lot of weird formatting and grammatical errors. I think it’d be easy to get hung up over changes I’d want to make to various giftfics I’ve written over the years as well.

7) when asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write?

I can count on one hand the number of real life people who know I write and have fingers left over. I hate talking about my writing face-to-face. 

8) favorite genre to write?

Mmm, suspense/horror? Whatever you call ‘presenting a problem to a character that gets insurmountably worse, and also it would be justified if the character just huddled screaming under a blanket instead of confronting it.’

9) what, if anything, do you do for inspiration?

Read other fics that handle similar topics/ideas. Look through the literal GBs of refs I’ve got saved. Get out of the house and do something even a little bit out of my norm. Get lost on Wikipedia.

10) write in silence or with background noise? with people or alone?

Music always, rarely near people.

11) what aspect of your writing do you think has most improved since you started writing?

Man, I’ve been writing and posting fics for 15 years now. I have to hope every aspect has improved since I was friggin’ 12 years old writing garbo Mary Sues.

12) your weaknesses as an author?

I can’t concentrate on anything long enough to finish it. More fic ideas than I’ll ever have the energy to commit too. Run-on sentences. I don’t write women almost at all. COMMAS. 

13) your strengths as an author?

I feeeeel like I do a good job of getting the reader into the character’s headspace? I adore limited narrative so when I write a fic I try to commit to that character’s style and personality. I also think I do horror/suspense decently.

15) why did you start writing?

11 year old Lorelei found ffn and went, “Oh shit, this is a thing? Sign me up.”

16) are there any characters who haunt you?

...I’m not sure what this means? 

17) if you could give your fledgling author self any advice, what would it be?

It’s okay to write positive endings, edgelord. Sometimes less is more. Sometimes more is good too, but damn girl, tread carefully. 

18) were there any works you read that affected you so much that it influenced your writing style? what were they?

These seems like a dangerous rabbit hole to fall down, so I’ll just link the most recent fic whose style and impact left me speechless the first time I read it (and envious, and determined, and more than happy to read it three more times).

Divine Right of Kings by Oedipus Tex

19) when it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.?

Badly! Which is why I’ve never successfully finished a longfic! But I do try and make outlines or at least a tidy splash of notes at the bottom of the Gdoc. One fic I’m working on right now requires spreadsheets.

20) do you write in long sit-down sessions or in little spurts?

Little spurts. NaNo’s been excellent in the past at making me do more than a couple hundred words on a good day. Alas, the last Camp NaNo I signed up for I dipped out of because of my migraines, and I didn’t even bother signing up for July.

21) what do you think when you read over your older work?

For the most part I consider it all passable, as far back as AO3 goes at least. Anything earlier than that I pretend doesn’t exist. 

22) are there any subjects that make you uncomfortable to write?

Intimacy, be it porn or fluff. Anything technical I can’t gloss over with some hastily gathered Wikipedian knowledge. Comedy.

23) any obscure life experiences that you feel have helped your writing?

I don’t think so? Not much of my personal experience has been applicable to what I’ve written. A bit of geography, maybe?

24) have you ever become an expert on something you previously knew nothing about, in order to better a scene or a story?

I’d never claim to be an expert on anything, but I do try and do my research for fic. Learning new things is my favorite part of writing.

25) copy/paste a few sentences or a short paragraph that you’re particularly proud of

You may have a snippet from my four biggest FMA wips (all of which are over 15k words and nowhere near done, send help).

- We Are Sisyphus (03 fic where alternate Ed lives.)

Other Ed and Alfons are unpacking groceries, picked up on their way back to the tiny flat above not-Gracia’s flower shop that seems all the smaller with a fourth person inside. Gratia’s come up as well, bearing fresh vases of flowers too damaged to sell but still smell just as sweet. It helps to mask Hohenheim’s reek, something he can’t really help with how advanced his decay’s gotten in their time apart. 

“Surprised you even recognized him,” Ed says under his breath, under pretense of showing him some of the notes he’d brought back. He gives Hohenheim a long, quelling glare out of the corner of his eye. “I mean, considering you left when Al was still practically a toddler.”

“There were more recent pictures at Pinako’s house,” Hohenheim replies, apparently uninterested in taking the hint to back off. “But it’s the way you look at Herr Heiderich that made me realize just who he reminded me so sorely of.”

“Oh yeah? And how’s that?”

“Like you’re grieving.”

- your head will lie in dust (Father wins, makes the five sacrifices immortal. AKA, the Hohenheim fic with the group chat that can’t stop, won’t stop.)

“There was a cut on your cheek,” Hohenheim says.

Edward brings shaking fingers to his face. He digs his nails in as if he’ll tear his skin open just to spite Hohenheim on principle. Then he stops. Shuts his eyes. Lets Mrs. Curtis slide from his lap. “I,” he says. “You’re wrong. You have to be.”

“I’m sorry,” he says. He has said this so often now, to so many people over so many years, that the words have lost all meaning. He tongues at the space where regret should be and finds only an empty hole. “Do you hear them?”

Edward flinches in slow-motion, an exercise in arranging the muscles of his face into a tense knot to display his anger, his fear, his grief. Little words for emotions greater than any person should have to bear. Edward flinches and struggles to breathe. He presses his hands over his ears and tilts rigidly to the floor.

- our hands were first to forgive (The Mustang remains blind and gets automail AU nobody asked for.)

It’s unsettling, how easy clapping alchemy has turned out to be.

He’d expected it to be difficult, to be something he’d have to learn through trial and error. He doesn’t know why he thought that. Edward’s never shown any hesitation in the use of it—though when has Edward shown hesitation in anything? Bad example. Not that there are a lot of examples to choose from, and of those he’s only been able to see Alphonse transmute without a circle. That’s a somewhat recent development, isn’t it? Before the boys went up to Briggs. He never thought to ask what had happened to allow Alphonse to abandon circles. It hadn’t occurred to him to think that anything needed to have happened to allow it at all. Knowing the source of clapping alchemy, he doubts it was anything pleasant. One more thing to ask after, once he can see again.

This ability, this… gift? He hesitates to call it that. Unwanted, unasked for, received all the same. Fine. This gift wasn’t learned. It feels grafted into him, weird and rough at its edges, like the scars on his torso his shirts still catch on months after burning Lust to ash. Unnaturally a part of him, but a part of him still. For all the knowledge that was poured into his mind in the Gate, he doesn’t feel like he learned anything.

He feels burned.

- Pour Out Like Light (9 years post-series, Ed finds out Trisha’s illness is hereditary. This absolute bastard of a wip is currently stalled out at over 46k words and nowhere near done.)

He peels a potato, sets it down. A broken, twisted hand reaches over his shoulder to pick it up.

He sets down the vegetable peeler. “Mom?”

“Yes?”

“Why didn’t you tell Granny?”

“Tell Granny what?”

“You knew it wasn’t the epidemic, didn’t you?” He cups the potato in both hands, in the hand he’s always had and the hand he’d traded away and Al had given back. “If you knew, why didn’t you warn her I’d get sick too? Why didn’t you warn me?”

She doesn’t answer. Instead there’s the heavy, loose-limbed thud of a body collapsing to the floor. It has a wet sound to it, a splattering sound. Her death rattle sucks the sunlight out of the kitchen, strangled and thick with fluid. There is almost, almost the sound of his name.

This post is huge now, wow. Um. Never sure who’s cool with being tagged in these kinds of posts. @ladyyatexel @leda-x @haikujitsu I don’t really talk writing much w/ any of you but you’re all fantastic and it’d be cool to hear some of the thought process behind the fics? No obligation, of course.

[jacobthespaceguy]

New life, new computer & new perspective.

I wrote this half a year ago and forgot to post this. Enjoy.

Dear Cosmonauts,

Greetings! It’s me, your boy! Did you miss me? No? Yeah, not too surprised. To be honest, I would be genuinely surprised if anyone actually read these. It’ll never stop me though. I love using this as some kind of escape. I think I’m trying to say that I’m officially back to blogging! Well actually, I never was in a state of, “blogging.” I just simply make a blog post every once in a while. So instead of being back, I guess I will simply start blogging more often. At the very least, try to. In an ideal world, I would create entries at least once a month, that’s not too much to ask for... just a few paragraphs every month. Sounds easy enough... On that note, it probably isn’t. But maybe it is. It depends on your personality.

Laziness. Saying laziness defines me is an understatement. I don’t want to be lazy nor do I wish I was. I’m honestly not too sure why I'm so lazy. I think this pandemic just made it really bad. Working from home 3/5 days of the week changes you. Early on, I figured I would be able to use this extra time to work on more music and I even started being a mixing/mastering engineer for a friend of mines. However, I ended up using this extra time to stay in bed and be useless. Some would say I'm being hard on myself but I'm not. I stay in bed and I waste my time, my friend's time, and overall, I'm just a useless human being. I feel like a failure sometimes. However, I do hold on to the hope that I can change. I want to change. Some days, I tell myself, "I'll be productive this time," but then stay in bed half the day. By the time I'm up and eaten breakfast and done my whole morning routine... it'll be 2 o'clock and the day is practically over. It's not really over, but it'll feel like it. It sucks. Now the pandemic is ending and I'll probably have to go back to work full time soon. I have no idea how I'm going to cope with that. I'm already depresso mode from things changing so much around me that I feel like a hermit and want to hide under my desk for the rest of my life. I hate change. I hate it, hate it, HATE IT. I know change is good and if my music career takes off, then they'll be a lot of change. Although, I would rather endure that kind of pressure than have to go back to work. Every day to get to my work is a 40-minute drive there, and an hour drive back since traffic is so bad. I know other people have it worse, but with how tired I am after a shift, I have days where I lay on my bedroom floor doing nothing and or nap until I finally get up to shower, eat dinner and finally get to the home activities I wanted to. However, at this point, it'll be 7 PM and I'm too tired to do anything other than watch YouTube videos until 1 AM, and then it's finally time to go to bed. It's a struggle and I can't seem to escape it.

I don't even know what I'm writing anymore and lost track of where I was going with this. I guess it's to complain about hating work and or my laziness? I originally started writing this post with the intention to talk about my new computer and how writing a blog post with it is a vibe. I bought a mid-2017 MacBook Pro back in August of 2019. It was the most absolute base model and only had 128 gb of storage and 8 gb of ram. WHY DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF! I loved the flexibility of having a decent laptop for when I travel, but this was a bad purchase that left me financially ruined. I want to say that it was a terrible machine and I hated it. However, it ran decently most of the time and I must confess that Apple just knows what they're doing when designing computers. I can't argue though, since I started this blog, I became an Apple fanboy and I'm seriously buried in the Apple ecosystem. My phone, laptop, tablet at one point but sold, my credit card, my watch, earphones, and tracking devices are all connected to Apple and they basically run my life. However, my main machine will likely always be a Windows desktop.

Back to the MacBook Pro, my 2017 laptop having 128 gb made the machine unusable for me. Apple offering a 128 gb machine was a cardinal sin and I do the happy dance every morning knowing they no longer exist. After downloading Reason and Logic Pro, I had about 8 gb for any else I wanted to use. I couldn't even have all of Logic's sounds installed. Ugh. I never used the machine because I resented it so much. However, I recently started using it to record my vocals because the fans (despite going up 1000 db when I record in Reason) were quieter than having my desktop fans on when recording so I opted to use my MacBook Pro to record instead. In addition, it was really nice to have when I was on the go and needed a computer. Despite being a baseline laptop, it ran the project file for my song, "Nothing Was The Same," decently enough for me to get some mixing done at my Dad's house late last year. It still chugged pretty bad when I was traversing through Reason's sequencer. My final straw was when I wanted to try a vocal plug-in that refused to work on my PC so I pulled out my MacBook Pro and installed it on there and it worked perfectly. I was like, "Man, I wish this MacBook Pro just had a little more storage so I can actually use it efficiently." That's when the idea came to me, "Holy crap, let's just buy a new MacBook."

I would constantly go to Apple's website and look at their newest 16" MacBook Pro. It's when Apple finally let go of the butterfly switches on their keyboard and went back to a scissor-switch design and improved the heck out of the performance. It was a beautiful machine and I wanted it ever since they announced it. So I went back on Apple's website last week after testing that vocal plug-in and was reminded of the horrendous price. $3,000 for a decently specced computer was just too much. Someone on Reddit was telling me how great Apple's refurbished computers are and that they're basically brand new aside from the regular box it comes in. So I decided I wanted to get a refurbished MacBook Pro. However, the next morning, I decided to do a little more research and I thank God I did because after a little research, I saw how much better the new 13" M1 chip MacBook Pro was over the current 16" Intel MacBook Pro and that it was the best laptop to buy. Even better, it's cheaper. So after more research, I decided to buy a refurbished max specced out M1 MacBook Pro. I finally have 2 tb of storage. 2 TB!!! I have more storage on this laptop than on my Windows desktop. I also went with silver over space grey like my other MacBook simply because it looks so much cooler. I don't care for space grey anymore. Something about the classic silver is where it's at. Also, this keyboard is amazing! I'm using it right now to type this. The Touch Bar is pretty cool too. I thought it would be a weird adjustment but it was actually pretty seamless. My only complaint is that it's easier to tap it and do something while typing on the keyboard. Happened to me twice while typing this. Although, all I did was open the emoji window so it wasn't even an issue. However, I think I type a bit in an unconventional way than most of you reading this do so just ignore me. I would also like to brag about how quiet this computer is. I haven't heard the fan once and it's dead quiet. In fact, the M1 MacBook Air doesn't even have a fan, that's how good this new Apple silicon is. Lastly, I haven't had the computer heat up at all yet. I'm typing this using safari with a few tabs open, Logic Pro in the background and there's no part of the computer that's hot right now. My lap would've melted if I was using my 2017 MacBook and it's in great shape! I want to say this computer is a beast but, to be honest, I haven't had a chance to stress test it yet. I've had the computer for less than a week. I will definitely keep you all updated.

Wow, I can't believe I typed all of this simply because I imagined Adam Young in his basement late at night with his MacBook Pro writing his magnificent blog posts that inspired me to start this blog in the first place. For whatever reason, it's a real vibe for me and as I was fumbling through Logic Pro, I had the idea to write a blog and all of this entry just poured out from my brain to this text box. I sincerely apologize to anyone reading this far and to my future self who probably just spent 20 minutes proofreading and fixing errors I made. I'd imagine all the run-on sentences are probably infuriating. I think I spent 40 minutes to an hour just writing this.

In conclusion, I'm writing blog posts again and plan to release new entries at least somewhat often. I have quite a few ideas of things I want to talk about, so you guys will get to pick my brain soon enough. In addition, I may go public about this blog. It is public but I announced it a long time ago and I wasn't very big. But with my podcast and additional following over the years, I may finally get some readers. I'd be surprised if more than 3 people have seen my blog which I'm not upset about. I'm treating this as my personal time capsule and it's fun to go back and read. In addition, I'm going to die someday. I don't know when and how, but it provides a little bit of comfort knowing a potential love one may find this one day after my unfortunate death and get hours of personal content that they can read over any time. I don't mean to get morbid and I don't mean to say my blog is the second coming of Christ. I don't know what I'm saying other than I hope you enjoy it. Anywho, I plan to make blog posts more coherent and not so all over the place. I went from being lazy/hating work, MacBook Pros, and then to my death, all in the same post. I just got so excited once I started typing and couldn't stop. More posts to come. Thank you and goodnight.

-Sincerely,

Jacob McDonnell