#and it makes me feel so much worse | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ovidiomedes · 3 months

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very normal guy having a very normal time

#i just #i know its SILLY #i KNOW it doesn't matter #but i am like genuinely upset over alex dying #for the past few days i haven't been able to sleep bc i just think abt him all the time #and i just start crying #IM CRYING RIGHT NOW #and its like.#i get why he had to die #its a genuinely really good narrative #and it ties really well into the achilles and alexander the great motifs and parallels that ive been using for him #but goddamnit does it make me feel bad #i had so many things i wanted to do w him #that i just cant anymore #and it makes me feel so much worse #like yeah im glad he died bc the way its gonna impact the other characters is gonna be so good #but what about ME #he was my character and it sucks that im not gonna get to do everything i wanted w him #and then i just feel pathetic for crying and losing sleep over this

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dream-launch · 1 year

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I really do not feel smart enough for some of my lectures like I do not have the self will to dedicate every waking moment to learning everything off I'm just tryna study the like normal amount but I swear some classes I go to and I have zero fucking idea what's happening at all

#and ive been like really not well the past week so like i just keep slipping behind and ive so much to do and just not enough time to do it #and the people in my lectures i liek sit with are like so dedicated and like have done like prework weeks in advance and shit #and it makes me feel so much worse #like i know im capable of it i just wosh i had more time to be able to wrao my head aoeund everything #i cant work at night anyone aswell like it gets dark at all and my brain shuts down and is like NO it it SLEEP TIME #like bestie i love sleep but i also love actually getting passing grades in my assignments

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ipostmysimpingstuffanonymously · 7 months

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They both lost their team and their teacher....

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inkskinned · 1 year

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oh you know it's all latestage capitalism but the thing is. how are you supposed to be a person inside of this. a person trying to be a better version of yourself.

oh, you started working young, which was kind of hard, but it's just the way stuff works sometimes. and it was 2008 and your family couldn't afford heat. but it's fine, you grow a spine and get used to the professional world and besides it was the suburbs we're talking about here, like, your life could have been actually hard, so what if your father lost his job and you can't afford to move or turn the lights back on. and once you start making money, it's good. you keep doing that. because now they're relying on you. so you have to do that.

oh you were in thousands of dollars of debt at 17 years old so that you could go to school, because you have to go to school if you want to get a "real" job. you even did it "right", you worked parttime and attended community college before you transferred to a public school. you were under so many merit scholarships.

which is fine. you pick yourself up and you say like, okay. i graduated college. i'm holding down a job. i'm doing the Adult Thing, which looks and acts like this, according to all the books i've read. you start with the shitty job and then you climb that corporate ladder.

but the shitty job doesn't cover rent and you stretch yourself too-thin so you get sick. good luck with that. the shitty job no longer pays for your meals. everyone asks why you don't just move, but there's nowhere to move to. and with what money are you going to be moving? and then the loans come back, because they were never going to forgive them, because you were 17 and trying to do the right thing, which was stupid. people are now saying you shouldn't have even gone to school.

which is fine. but because you have no other option, so you do the shitty job, and you apply every day for like 5 new ones, and despite the fact everyone says "there's no one who wants to work!" it's actually just that nobody is fucking hiring so you can either work for 13 dollars an hour in the shitty place you know (where at least you have a passingly friendly relationship with the manager) or you can start from scratch again with a different 13 dollars an hour without knowing how much abuse from the new job you'll be taking.

and if you quit you lose your insurance. if you quit you lose your housing. if you quit, you'll be another burnout kid. the lazy ones. these assholes, look at them!

and you come home to a family dinner and you hear from your father the same old thing. how he worked hard at his job and yes it sucked for a while but he was able to provide for the family and then the house and the dog and the rest of barbie's dream vacation. how the insurance did cover some of it. how you just really need to start speaking up more in manager conversations so they know you're a go-getter. you want to tell him - did you know we're actually doing more now hourly than any previous generation? - but you can't remember where you heard that statistic, and you're far too tired for the fucking argument. and then he starts in on his usual bit. where's the house? where's your kids? where's your ambition.

the same job the same money the same hours doesn't do it anymore. the same nose-to-the-grindstone now just shreds your face off. there's no such thing as upwards mobility, not really. and as far as you're aware, the money certainly is not trickling. you do the soulless stupid shit you signed up for because you fucking have to or else you literally risk your life (food, the apartment, the insurance), but it's not getting you anything. you download the stupid "save more" app and you budget and you do every right thing and then the price of eggs is 7 dollars and you say - oh great! another thing i have to fucking worry about now!

and you go to your stupid job and everyone in your father's generation just tells you to be better about being an adult. they have their homes and their savings account and their bailout and they say. well have you tried not drinking starbucks. well your generation just spends too much on clothing. well you might just be too addicted to travelling. and you - because you need the job - you bite your tongue and don't say i am being held prisoner and you're suggesting i stop pacing my cell if i don't like the scenery and you don't say what the fuck do you think i've been doing with my money and you don't say i haven't spent a cent on something nice in literally forever much less coffee you arrogant asshole. you open and close your bank app and check your loans and check your credit score and check fucking zillow and ziprecruiter and apartments.com just one time more. and still they give you that demeaning little grin and say - see, what you need is -

what you need is for your meds to stop being so fucking expensive. what you need is for the housing bubble to explode into dust. what you need is for billionaires to choke on their wealth. what you need is actual help. what you will get is more economic advice from people who are older-and-wiser.

and above you, almost in a glimmer, you can see the wedged smile of your debt getting toothier, wider.

#i hate when people try to tell me i didn't do it right #what should i have done better #i did it ALL the right way #(not that there is a right way)#it's just that others feel comfortable believing that THEY did it the right way and that's how they made money #whereas i must have just committed a sin somewhere in there! i MUST be doing it wrong!!!#and i'm not a victim!!! im simply experiencing consequences!#and im like. where . where. wherewherewherewhere #i graduated top of my class. i was almost the student speaker.#i have always excelled at work and i work hard #i have been working since i was 13 #WHERE !!!!! IS MY FUCKING !!!! MONEY!!!!!!#ps please do not make the assumption i am ablebodied or neurotypical.#i am neither of these things.#it DOES get worse if u are either of those things. so fuckin much #but @ the one anon who was like ''u could be X that would be worse u don't know how lucky u are''#.... don't i?#do i need to be luckier than someone else #or is it possible we are BOTH victims?#and that we need to work TOGETHER to resolve it #not just wave it off since it COULD be harder for someone else... it can be true we BOTH deserve better

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turtleblogatlast · 19 days

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I think a lot about Leo’s tendency to push his way into the spotlight despite clearly being a natural in the shadows. Hell, you could argue that his worst moments are when he’s forcing himself onstage, and his best are when he does things no one notices until it’s already been done.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt leo #rottmnt headcanons #rise leo #His aptitude with subterfuge sleight of hand stealth and speed really push how being a ninja really comes naturally to him.#it’s arguable that his desperation for the spotlight and validation is an act of subterfuge against himself #note that when he’s offered a job as a mascot he’s fine being unknown #when he and splinter win the battle nexus Leo immediately says ‘they love YOU pops’#idk I think so much about how good a ninja Leo is #and how much his persona is more an actor #Leo as a tot is shown a natural skill at katana too so hear me out-#every Leo is a natural ninja but every Leo’s route in life is directly tied to their splinter so #since rise splinter is an actor Leo too aims for it #and he brings it into his whole life - masking always because a Leo makes what they do who they are #I think that Leo naturally falls more in line with that of a typical ninja #his eccentric performer self is his subterfuge skill just set to an 11 at all times #not that that’s NOT him - like I said it’s still undoubtedly a part of Leo #but? idk I think about little moments like Leo being the only one to choose stealth in bug busters #or Leo being the only one to almost get Gus’s dog tags in The Ninja Art of Hide and Seek (he was so close but luck was against him alas)#like- he’s clearly in his element there and he falls into those skills so easily #it’s like how everyone has skills in so many things but some exceed more in some than others do #like Raph? Raph’s the biggest Hero of the bunch of them let’s be perfectly real here. Raph is THE Hero #All the boys are smart in their own rights but Donnie is THE Genius.#and they all have mystic powers but Mikey is THE Mystic Warrior with immense untapped potential #likewise Leo I feel is THE Ninja #but yeah I love how much Leo goes for the spotlight anyway for better or for worse #he IS a performer again make no mistake! but again the way he does it still lines up with his natural ninja aptitude and I love it #Leo loving magic tricks and magicians so much works doubly well here because like #you’d think he’s focused solely on the performance flair - no it’s ALSO and ESPECIALLY the DECEPTION

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uncanny-tranny · 7 months

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Hey, if you have speech impediments, you are so amazing.

If you stutter or have a lisp or misspeak easily or you have a flat affect or a limited verbal vocabulary or if your voice is AAC or if you just have a difference in your vocality, you are so incredibly important and amazing.

Just know that your voice is yours. Nobody will ever be able to truly take it away. Your voice is part of you, and you deserve to make it as true to you as you deem fit. I hope you have the space to grow with your voice and whatever about it makes it unique.

#positivity #disability positivity #partially because so much of voical differences arise from disability #i've developed a really annoying lisp-ish issue #and it's hard to be positive about it because it makes me feel like i'll be treated as lesser because it's a 'childish' affect #but i literally can't help it unless i spend 110% of my focus on it. and i don't have that amount of energy #but it makes me think about others and especially those who have it more intensely than i do #and i just want to uplift everybody because vocal differences are neutral at worst #man my dad always tells a story about this coworker he had who had a stutter like you wouldn't believe...#...and he was fucking BRUTALIZED for it... 'c-c-c-c-CAN YOU GET TO THE POINT?!' is how people would talk to him...#...and obviously that made his stutter twice as fucking worse and i can't imagine the shame and humiliation that followed...#...i hope he learned that those assholes were a fucking waste of time and that he doesn't have to deal with that...#...like i'm sorry but there is no fucking need to be that sadistic toward somebody who is obviously already anxious and worried

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mintinol · 9 months

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i just draw my oc on a photo i took

#seeing my twt do so terribly has killed any motivation i had for art tbh #makes me feel like im getting so much worse #mintinol art #mintinol ocs #kemono #furry #artists on tumblr

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cringefail-clown · 11 months

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ROBRO: give 'em hell

practice panel from todays doodle sesh! a scene ive had in mind for quite a while from turnabout, which happens right after dave enters the medium. hal stays behind to take care of condy... it doesnt end well

#homestuck #homestuck turnabout #turnabout au #lil hal #hal strider #bro strider #he doesnt d1e dont worry #its so much worse c:#fr fr i feel so bad for tb!guardian hal he really gets the short end of the stixk #its bc hes one of my faves and me like to make my faves suffer #for *character development* yk

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coffeeworldsasaki · 3 months

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Another thing that makes kaladin so painfully relatable is how much his mental illness hides his personality, because between depressive episodes and trauma he's this sarcastic little shit that smiles a lot at his friends and then the depression gets to him and all that disappears

#I'm dreading book 4 so much #my depression got worse while reading it the first time 😭#also I don't remember exactly what but multiple times he says stuff that i think too often and having a fictional character say that l #ridiculous stuff caused by mental illness made me feel even worse #it helped! because it hit me how stupid it is and that i should avoid that type of thinking at all costs! but didn't i feel like shit for a #while #now i almost finished book 1 and book 2 has Shallan's past 😬😬😬😬😬#can't wait to read again about her horrible childhood locked home with a violent father that take out his rage at her on others #that won't make me feel horrible at all!#it's not like i wasn't almost crying just at her getting an anxiety attack at the beginning #....these books feels awfully aimed at me fjskdks #the stormlight archive #cosmere

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cloudysarts · 3 months

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this show would be good if literally everything about it was different

#read these tags please(unless ur an HH fan in which case please ignore them) >>> I DO NOT LIKE THIS SHOW #i hate viv///ziepop so fucking much its actually unreal. every time i think about her i seethe #been hatewatching it ('legally') nd its awful. like i mean i knew it would be going into it but goddamn. so much worse than i expected #you may be like 'whyd you draw this then'. i wanted to make a finished piece with my redesigns #for funsies me and my boyf have been rewriting/redesigning the whole show . thats been our fun little craft #i feel similar about this that i do about fnaf and miraculous ladybug even tho this is objectively worse in every way #theres this eternal feeling of like. man. if the writers were competent then this concept would be interesting #but theyre not so. here we are #anyway. im gona try not to put hate in the tags lol #but i like how this turned out too much NOT to post it #anyways mutuals please dont unfollow me for this i promise im normal JDSFHJKDFHJDFKHJK #Hazbin Hotel Redesigns #Hazbin Hotel Critical #Angel Dust #Husk #Huskerdust #I guess.#genuinely a little scared to post this ones. im scared ill lose mutuals over this AND/OR fans will harass me for those tags JHKSDFHJKJK #im posting it and then immediately going to sleep. might delete later if even 1 thing goes wrong #EDIT RL QUICK i wanna add: i dont care if you like the show <33 good for you!!! i respect it!! i liked it when i was 14. i just dont now. <

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3lostyears · 6 months

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half-doomed; it only gets better when it hurts dance miserable [2011] | so much (for) stardust [2023]

#guess who has been listening to soul punk recently #fobedit #fall out boy #patrick stump #soul punk #pete wentz #so much (for) stardust #dance miserable #it's like...the band got so much better but the world got worse #sometimes the world gets better and you get worse and sometimes you feel better and the world feels worse #i love the world i just don't love the way it makes me feel etc #idk if this makes sense to anyone including myself but. i tried #smfs #sm(f)s #my stuff

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red-elric · 1 year

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dave who learned imitation as a survival method....... dave getting into turntables and music mixing bc thats the one thing he can do with his bro without getting stressed out, getting into swords and ‘cool guy’ things bc when he acts like his bro and impresses him he gets hurt less, learning to act dry and emotionally disconnected from john bc john is well liked among his friends (and he likes john, too), learning to psychoanalyze by imitating rose because rose will back off if he manages to pick at one of HER sore spots for once....... dave realizing he doesnt want to be that person anymore on the meteor but not having any other method of becoming well-liked. dave imitating romcom protagonists to get karkat’s attention, becoming more and more grumpy and animated and dramatic bc of all the time he’s spent around karkat, dave’s dry humor getting more and more developed as he spends more time with rose and kanaya. dave who has a crisis (at least in another timeline) because at age sixteen he’s standing in his childhood bedroom and surrounded by interests he hasn’t pursued in years and sobbing because he doesn’t know who he is without trying to make someone like him. he doesn’t know which interests, if any, were ones he would have had if he’d grown up with a guardian that didn’t hate him, if the world hadn’t ended and if he wasn’t one of the sole survivors dedicating his childhood to creating a new universe, if he’d just been a normal kid.

dave, age sixteen, who has no idea who he is or what he wants from life.

(https://www.homestuck.com/story/6306)

#it me #homestuck #dave strider #davekat #to an extent lol #that page--and like four or five following it--make me ugly cry ngl #its like. sixteen year olds have this whole thing about not knowing who they are or what they wanna do ANYWAY #but its much much worse for dave bc of all the trauma #its soooo hard to write him in aus bc like!!!! he's so traumatized in canon!!!#he might have been totally different if hed gotten a happy childhood!!!!!#frankly even the difference between game over timeline and retcon timeline dave is SHOCKING #game over dave is still soo clearly guarded and tense; retcon dave isnt exactly RELAXED but he seems a lot happier #enough that its a stark difference when he finally talks to dirk while still having that convo feel v similar to much earlier dave convos #anyway. love him........

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eggwishing · 1 year

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