i think the thing that frustrates me the most about feyre's character post-acotar — hell, even post-acomaf — is that she stops being a character past that point in the series. acomaf, i can still see elements of feyre's original character, but i think acowar and beyond (especially acofas and acosf) is where her character devolves completely into something virtually unrecognizable. and this, in my opinion, is because once she and rhysand become established in their relationship, her entire characterization starts to revolve around him.
prior to acomaf/acowar, feyre has a personality independent of the relationships she has with other people. her characterization has its flaws, as the first book is flawed as a whole, but she's generally a decently-crafted character. feyre is an interesting character because, in the first portion of the book, we learn that she's a jaded, clever huntress who is willing to kill to survive and make painful decisions for the good of herself and her family. she's bitter, resentful, and miserable, and the crux of her life revolves around survival.
but then we learn new things. feyre loves painting, and if she had a choice, she'd marry off her sisters and live peacefully with her father, spending her days painting anything her heart could desire. she's capable and an able killer, but her dreams and wants are for a peaceful life. these desires are expanded upon later in the book when we learn that, if given the option, feyre wouldn't kill. she's jaded and can come off as someone who'd be a stereotypical "girlboss," badass killer. but in reality, feyre doesn't like bloodshed. she doesn't like killing, and if she had it her way, she'd never kill another living thing again.
this is interesting. acotar!feyre is actually a very interesting and dynamic character when compared to who she becomes in later books. she has an internal conflict that affects every aspect of who she is, and it is this conflict that is so deeply tied to what she's forced to do in the climax of the story: either kill innocent faeries or watch as the love of her life dies before her very eyes. this final trial is so painful because it's been established that, in a peaceful environment, a killer is not someone feyre wants to be, and a killer is instead what she's forced to become.
then, of course, acomaf happens and yada, yada, yada. she's still a relatively interesting character on her own, if (arguably) ooc, but has an independent characterization regardless. it's after this book where things take a turn for the worse.
in acowar, feyre is no longer the character who protects the "little guy" and would give up petty jewels to make sure a faerie can eat. she's no longer the character who acts based on her morals and inherent humanity, rather than faerie logic. instead, she's the character who destabilizes an entire court on the brink of war, uncaring of the consequences to the people of spring. in acofas, she's buying another goddamn house while people in velaris and beyond are struggling to make ends' meet following the war that she and rhys dragged them into. in acosf, she's doing the same fucking thing to nesta that destroyed and traumatized her a few books previous, and she's become the glorified housewife to rhysand. she's having his kid when she's not even 25 yet. she's being paraded around like some prized horse. she's sitting around, painting and decorating houses, while rhys does all the actual politicking. she's exactly what she feared she'd become in acomaf, and there's no consequence whatsoever.
this is not the feyre of acotar. this feyre is the faceless, empty love interest to the real main character: rhysand. she's a reflection of him. that's why she went from the woman who feels uncomfortable wearing fancy jewels to the woman who'd spend her newfound millions on frivolous lingerie rather than do anything meaningful with her position as high lady. that's why she went from the character who had respect and a new understanding of nesta in book 1, to the character that'd do such horrendous things to her in acosf. that's why she stands around and lets rhys and amren bully and degrade nesta. she's not a character anymore. she's just rhysand's mate.
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Newest HB Short
This short had some cute and fun moments with Millie and Sallie Mae. I liked the outfit Sallie wore throughout most of it and I'm glad she got some depth. While I'm glad these characters got some more screentime, I can't help but still feel disappointed as the short doesn't give us much insight to Millie as a main character.
In the short, Sallie expressed how Millie doesn't visit home that often and thinks Millie may be ashamed to have come from Wrath. My thing is that this doesn't tie into information already established about Millie.
You would think her parents would've made similar remarks, like Sallie, about her not visiting home in the Harvest Moon episode.
Sallie also said she was left in charge of the family when Millie left but we never seen Millie have any meaningful interactions with her brothers to get a sense of what their dynamic is like.
We also don't learn anything about why Millie left Wrath in the first place. Millie just only apologized to Sallie and said she'll try to visit more.
Did she leave because she met Chaz and maybe he convinced her to move to Pride?
Did she leave because of her validation issues? Like she didn't feel appreciated by her family enough (and for some reason she didn't tell her sister this).
Small Nitpicks
Sallie took a bus from Wrath to Pride ring. What happened to the elevator as the means to travel to different rings?
Sallie made no mention of Looloo Land. You know, the place where Millie said she and her family used to go in the past. Honestly, Sallie gave off the vibes that she hasn't been anywhere else besides Wrath.
The sibling rivalry Viv mentioned in her Millie thread doesn't appear true at all. Sure, they play fight roughly and compete when playing games but that seems more of a result of them being born and raised in Wrath. If they were really sibling rivals, I don't think they would have a close bond as they do now.
Another thing about Viv's Millie thread; she listed off things about Millie, but she never mentioned anything about her validation issues or wanting to feel important. Viv has no problem explaining her characters outside the shows, like she did with Alastor. This convinced me that she was more likely making stuff up about Millie at the time.
Conclusion
This was a fun and enjoyable short. However, I'm not convinced the writers have a clear idea or direction for Millie's character that's coherent. It seems they add stuff along the way. I understand Morgana wrote this short alone, but it doesn't seem like she was given enough information about Mille to make sure things were consistent. I guess we'll see what happen in the future.
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Would you still consider it a celebration if Gwynriel’s book is next, bc it at least confirms endgame couples?
I will be very happy for Gwynriels and very relieved that it will help lessen the ship wars though I think I'll still feel disappointed.
I want Elucien to happen but I also adore Elain and Lucien as individuals so an Elucien confirmation isn't the entirety of what I want for them.
Az and Gwyn absolutely deserve a HEA and their own healing arcs but there is something to be said for the fact that right now, they are surrounded by love even without a relationship. Yes, they have their own internal struggles but they have a really strong support system, people that have their backs, that encourage them, that believe in them. Az and Gwyn both have their found families but neither Elain or Lucien do.
Elain and Lucien are regularly pushed to the side in favor of the other characters. I understand why that is, SJM has to stay on course with the narrative that they still need to find the court where they'll thrive, but in the meantime that has resulted in them being misunderstood by the others. It results in others speaking for them, the others not encouraging them or helping them find their powers. Hell, Feyre has known about Lucien's real father since ACOWAR and it's almost two years later yet she's still letting him wander around aimlessly thinking he has no place to go.
A Gwynriel book being next means we're going to have yet another book of Elain floating around the River House with no real purpose. Lucien drifting between Spring and the Human Lands while Tamlin remains depressed which means Lucien will feel the effects of that. Elain again not having the chance to have a POV on how she's feeling about the loss of her father, being made, Graysen's rejection, Az's rejection, how Nesta and Az believe she shouldn't be allowed to do anything dangerous. If a Gwynriel book takes 6-9 months, that means nearly three years will have passed from when Elain will have been forced into the Cauldron, given powers from the Cauldron that she still hasn't fully explored and hasn't been given help on training, a confirmed mating bond that remains unaccepted and unrejected, and we will have never had a single person actually ask her how she feels about any of that outside of Feyre's "you couldn't say a single word to him?"
I will be happy for Gwynriels but how can I personally be super excited when that means my two favorite characters will once again suffer for another 6-9 months without having the same support system in place that Az and Gwyn already do?
Gwyn and Az might not have romance yet but they are respected and loved by their friends and we've witnessed that on page. Meaningful moments, moments where their found family have gotten personal with them and asked them to get personal in response (though Az is kind of terrible in that area, we've seen Cassian and Rhys at least try).
Lucien has "friends" in Vassa and Jurian but we've never actually seen that connection, we're just told it's there so we have to assume it is.
And when he tried to open up to Feyre, she made fun of him.
Elain has "friends" with the wraiths but again, we're just told about it rather than witnessing moments that make us actually feel it. And yes, her sisters love her but they don't try to connect with her (Feyre only thinks of her as a pleasant companion).
And the IC, while friendly enough with Lucien, don't necessarily embrace him with any kind of true respect. There's always this underlying current of "can we trust him?", "what can he do for us?" And of course we know Az has issues with him.
The need to prove that both Elain and Lucien belong somewhere other than where they currently is starting to feel a tiny bit overdone to the point that it's a bit cruel, and while that to me would be a perfect time to end their suffering, I can only imagine what another book of that would look like.
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John Brady is occupying my mind far too much and I blame you.
So for all us ladies who Brady, how would John Brady propose?
Eeep this is such a sweet ask! Believe me when I say that it fills me with yearning 🥺
Cut for length, no real warnings
I have two answers depending on when your relationship began!!
If you met before he shipped out…
It’s been something he’s been imaging for quite some time
A scenario he’s allowed to play out in his mind over and over to keep the uglier thoughts of his grim reality of combat, and later captivity, at bay
It would not be a big scene, Brady is not and never will be an attention-seeker, but it would certainly be meaningful
Perhaps at the place you met or where you had your first date or even where you first said ‘I love you’ if you’d had the chance to speak the words aloud rather than pen them to each other
He’d have quite a chunk of savings and plan on buying you a ring with real diamonds just like the ones in the glossy print ads in magazines, because you deserve nothing less
But by the time you are finally reunited and he’s able to wrap his arms around you, the words just fall out of his mouth, whispered into your hair as emotions wreak havoc on his voice
And all you can do is nod violently in acceptance as tears stream down your cheeks
It’s perfect in its own way even though it’s nothing like he imagined - much like how his war story played out
If you met after the war…
The man has the time and the means to put his perfect plan into action
Not to mention the self-control
He’s so subtle and hard to read at times that you will have no idea what hit you until he’s down on one knee delivering a speech that feels so thoughtfully prepared
And yet to your mutual surprise, his emotions will still get the better of him midway through and you’ll feel the need to rescue him, quickly pulling him into your arms to accept enthusiastically
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On An Island Alone
It’s been 3 weeks since Chenford’s breakup and I feel like I’m on an island… alone. The day after 6x06 aired, I made the decision to walk away from The Rookie. Well, at least until after the finale. I’ll decide if I'm walking away permanently once I check online and see how the season ended. And before I go any further, to anyone who wants to say I'm not a true Rookie and (most importantly) Chenford fan: I have just as much right to stop watching the show as you do to keep watching it.
So why am I choosing to no longer watch the show?
The main reason I started watching the show in the first place is/was Chenford and I can’t sit there and watch them redo Seasons 4 and 5A and I won’t. Especially considering the fact we already know from Eric’s comments to TVLine they’re not getting back together by the end of the season finale. I do not see them getting back together until at least the midseason finale next season. Actually, if I’m being completely honest, I’m not sure they will get back together or if they even should. I know me saying that will make a lot of people mad, but after reading Melissa and Eric’s post-episode interviews, I got a sense of finality when they were talking about Tim and Lucy’s relationship as a couple and the breakup. Plus, I honestly don’t see how they can come back from what they did, which leads into the other reason why I’m not watching anymore.
Tim’s whole storyline rubs me the wrong way in so many ways. They could’ve brought in his military past in so many other ways and still had him struggle without destroying his character in the process. As it is, the storyline feels extremely forced just to cause drama for the sake of drama and, for me, irredeemably destroyed Tim’s character. They completely erased 5 ½ seasons of character growth in the matter of only 1 ½ episodes. And I'll never be able to see Tim the same way again, even if he goes to therapy. I personally would never be able to trust him again and I honestly don’t see how Lucy could either. That’s also why part of me feels like they should not get back together. Yes, I know it’s a short season and everything is condensed, but Alexi and the writers should not have done the storyline this late in the season, knowing they would not be able to do it justice with only 4 episodes left and not knowing the show’s fate by the time they finished filming the finale. Since they were planning to break them up, I feel like they should’ve done it at the end of the premiere or by 6x03. That way there would’ve been time for Tim and Lucy to work through their struggles individually then work them as a couple by the end of the season.
Why do I feel like I’m on an island alone?
After the episode aired, a lot of the fandom was angry and a good number said they were done to show. However, over the last few weeks, I’ve noticed that number dwindling and a lot fans are now justifying the breakup who weren’t before and they have absolutely every right to. I can see where they’re coming from, to a certain extent. Tim and Lucy both were hiding things from each other since they started dating and would just gloss over things that needed deep and meaningful conversations to work them out. That said, I personally will never agree with the breakup or the whole (Tim’s) storyline and will always maintain the breakup was completely unnecessary and they could’ve (and should’ve) stayed together and worked through their struggles as a couple. So yeah, I’m on an island alone… and that’s okay.
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Trembling Essence:💙Script progress + Updates💙
Hello and welcome new followers, long time no see! I was very busy most of this month, but I am back and ready to continue from where I left off on the game! This game development post might be a bit long but I tried to condense everything! :]
"How are things going so far?":
It's going slow and steady! I haven't been able to do too much these past few weeks, however, I wrote a few parts out before I got too busy and couldn't do anything else.
I want to be very careful when it comes to spoilers but, based on your choices, some of these areas will give off immersive cozy/homelike vibes that really express Noah and the player(Y/N)'s view towards each other.
In the old 2023 script I was very new to writing so the small semi-hints of romance weren't the entire focus compared to the horror aspect but there's a better balance between both genres now and I'm still aiming for a meaningful slow burn versus it just being all over the place. :]
I liked writing them a whole bunch which lead to a lot of these taking place in the mid/end of Day 4+, they just need to be placed in specific areas that call for it. With that being said, it felt really comfy adding key details about Noah and creating meaningful sections in the game. I was even going to draw out some of the unseen script/scenes but I believe the best thing to do is give deeper lore from the [Extended Demo] first. Even though my writing style has improved I still have to fix the multiple pacing issues I wrote last year.
"Playtester's advice":
I wanted to continue working through Noah's backstory but I kept having moments where I'd get sidetracked into wanting to fix up the start of the game again. Eventually, I talked to my play testers about it and they gave me a few encouraging pointers.
To help keep my process at ease, I will fix the beginning of the game when I take breaks from writing up Noah's backstory. :]
I talked about this during early 2024 but the start of the game that leads up to the cabin is still getting reworked. I was able to get some of it fixed for the [Extended Demo] but I wasn't done.
Things are still up in the air but, I will say that I have a better view of everything than I did before. :]
Another priority that needs fixing are the backgrounds! I've improved a lot on drawing and they need to be optimized. When you first start up the game, you wake up in a holed out tree in the swamp with the choice to leave this area and possibly end up in the forest. I was going for a very immersive form of symbolism that only a few noticed but, I believe I can do a better job about this. Unfortunately I don't have any new backgrounds to show right now but maybe next week I'll have some finished up! :]
"Art process/Noah's sprite sheets":
As far as Noah sprite sheet goes, it's still in sketch mode.
I didn't draw anything since I was gone so I need to do a few warm ups before I get to them. There are some old drawing prompts I wrote down and old sketches that I never got a chance to doodle so hopefully I can get to them at some point with some attached lore. :,]
My Q&A / Ask box has been reset!
Thank you to those who have sent in asks in the past, unfortunately they all disappeared except for 1 while I was gone. I have no idea what happened but I can only guess it just got reset.
If you have any questions about Trembling Essence/Noah feel free to ask or resend them in here please. This makes it easier for me to see and answer accordingly! I would really like to hear from you guys!
This is all I have to share so far, Thank you to everyone for the continued support and patience while I was gone! I was ready to accept the interest for this game to fade out and coming back to see that it didn't happen makes me happy, I really appreciate it. :,]
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mmm essay about sally and kid gort in the tags (cw for child abuse, mentions of suicide, animal cruelty and a murder attempt. i always hope i don’t have to say this but just in case: i don’t excuse or condone any of her or gort’s behaviour at all.) this is literally not even touching upon everything i have to say because i hit the fucking tag limit lmao. NOBODY READ IT’S BAD BRAINSTORMING I JUST NEEDED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW
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idk if ur still doing ask game but 📖, and instead of "book in a series" i guessssssss lets call itttttttttttttt what canon event would u delete, if any? (i think Every other question has been asked so im trying to be a snowflake sjfkfnfk)
Oh............. That's a good question (also I'm glad you changed the prompt because my ass does NOT remember what happens in which volume)..... HMMMM
I want to delete Ed getting his arm back. I don't think he should have.
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okay. i need to rewatch the episode probably but i think my current feeling is that i like most of it a lot (rome, ken, the siblings not getting ceo, etc), think the tom ceo makes sense from a logical/character perspective but not sure how i feel about it from a broader more thematic lens (altho i'm leaning towards fine with it), and am very mixed on shiv's ending because i think it's well-conceived and meaningful from a broader thematic lens (shiv becomes her mother, the cycle always repeats, etc) but doesn't quite make sense to me from a logical/character one -- it could've worked, it could've worked brilliantly, but it was far too rushed and forced. it makes sense as an ending for shiv, but not her next step. i'm largely talking about her decision to return to tom, not her decision to vote against kendall (which i think should've been executed better and given more space but can understand given her character, mostly). i'm fine with it as an ending for shiv, but what i'm struggling to stomach is the way it played out -- it didn't feel like a choice the shiv we know would've made. it's an ending that makes sense thematically and for her character arc, but not a decision that makes sense for her character at present. that's kinda where i'm at right now
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I am violently wrestling Evan Buckley out of Tim Minear's hands until that man can give him a love interest who doesn't just fuck off at random okay thanks.
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i still don't know if i want to settle for an Associates or not
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Tumblr is the best platform because I don't make a concerted effort to specifically gain followers or attention, and yet somehow people still find me amongst the billions of other posts. And SO many of y'all will leave little comments and expressions of affection on my posts or click the "like" button for my little crochets or smile when one of my pokemon comes up on your dash.
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today in the wild I came across a phrase to the effect "...And this [pair of ethical axioms about what constitutes quality of life for purposes of discussion about disability and coma prognosis, based on the opinion of one person who has not ever been in a coma or disabled thereafter] suggests that maybe, just maybe, [relevantly comatose or recovering or disabled] people may have quality of life sufficient to make them ethically relevant"
that's ... not, um, normally considered to be what makes people "ethically relevant" in the world where all the people are and there's sunshine and grass and things, but, you know what, ok jennifer, A for effort! :) gold star for you, philosopher extraordinaire, moral lodestar for people unsure what to do with granny, paragon of ethical conduct!
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i completely forgor what classes i signed up for this semester and i could kiss past me rn. i will live to see the summer
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Tagged by @jmrothwell! 💕
Are you named after anyone?
I’m not entirely sure… I have a very vague memory of my mum telling me my English name came about bc it sounded similar to a Chinese singer… but I don’t trust my memory and I’m too afraid to ask again 😬
I don’t think I’m named after anyone re: my Chinese name. Digressing here but was recently reminded that it’s a typically masculine name and that made me feel something… my English name is quite feminine so…
Wondering how my parents came to that conclusion when naming me… wondering if they knew from the start that I had both masculine and feminine energy and needed my names to reflect that or something… much to think about
When was the last time you cried?
Last night 🥲
Do you have kids?
I don’t have my own, but sometimes I refer to my students as my kids. Not for sentimental reasons tho, it’s just easier to say less syllables 👍
Do you use sarcasm a lot?
No, not at all (deadpan) (lying) (so much)
Sometimes I will deliver things in a way where even I can’t tell whether I’m being sarcastic or not
What sports do you play/have played?
God, my school valued sports so much that I’ve probably tried every sport under the sun.
Ones I regularly trained in at school: tennis, basketball, softball, netball, table tennis, swimming
At uni (all dance genres): tap, jazz, ballet
I did yoga and Pilates for a bit after graduating, but I haven’t been able to do much physical activity the past two years for health reasons 🥲 I would so love to be able to do dance classes again. I really found my groove in third year uni about it and I miss that a lot
What’s the first thing you notice about people?
Idk, their clothes I guess
What’s your eye colour?
Rich soil, calligrapher’s ink, a stargazer’s dream. The distance between our feet and the ground. The part of the ocean that lets no light because she loves us too much. The place in time that promises safety, protection, stability.
Endless, endless, and full of possibilities.
(Let me romanticise my black eyes, dammit)
Scary movies or happy ending?
Happy endings for SURE. I absolutely cannot do anything scary. I can’t even watch The Owl House bc the monsters in it look too scary 😭 I’ve been recommended it so many times by so many people, but I just cannot 😭😭😭
Any special talents?
Being naturally good with kids? I know I’m a teacher and this will sound really awful, but I………..don’t actually like kids. Obviously I still treat them with kindness and respect, and I can tolerate them enough to do my job properly. I can (and do) bond with them and form meaningful relationships with them. Takes a village to raise a child, and I’m part of the village, y’know?
Idk what it is, but kids just like me for some reason, without me having to really try. I find just being my usual sarcastic self who doesn’t hide when I’m pissed off is somehow very charming for kids
Jokes aside, it’s definitely a skill I’ve had to develop and refine, especially for teaching. But I’ve just been naturally good with kids since forever—I think being part of the eldest cousins pack in my family has helped a lot in that regard, bc most of my cousins are 8+ years younger than me. So, experience, I guess.
Where were you born?
In a hospital
What are your hobbies?
I am in dire need of new hobbies that aren’t physically taxing on my arm, but currently:
Drawing, reading, writing, baking, singing, playing violin or ukulele, sewing/patching
And this……is technically one of my jobs but I also just do it for fun: acting/scene/script analyses
Gif makers I am making out with you so hard bc i do so much acting analysis from watching individual gifs. IT’S JUST. SO GOOD. EVERY CHOICE IS DELIBERATE, and you can see that in a 2 second gif. You won’t believe how much you can take away from a fleeting, seemingly insignificant moment in a piece of cinema memorialised into a gif lovingly made by a passionate fan. Gifsets are arguably what got me into acting in the first place
So like obviously having a degree in acting means i am also just a huge huge nerd about scene/script analysis too, and it’s so TASTY being able to draw up a whole character profile, backstory, personality, objectives and obstacles, and so many more minute details. From like. A 3-word sentence spoken by a background character that never comes up again. IT’S SO GOOD. I could keep going on about this but this is also getting very long so I shall end it here
I JUST REALLY LOVE ACTING 😭
Do you have pets?
My dog :-) and 3 very perseverant fishies 💕
How tall are you?
Enough to reach the top of a door frame on my tippy toes
Favourite subject in school
Studio Art, but only bc my school cut the Drama dept while I was there :/ I did still really love Studio tho—maybe too much? Idk it definitely contributed to my arm issues bc I had to do a folio each for both Art and Studio Art (two diff subjects)
Dream job
No job. I do whatever I want. I heal whenever I need. I live free of capitalistic responsibilities. I live. I live. I live.
I tag (no pressure to do this): @noworneverphantom @fiddlepickdouglas @drifting-in-otter-space @badsalmonella
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reminding myself that what i think is hot/fun doesn't always line up with the choices dola would make but god it is so fun playing dolls sometimes
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