#and it’s so different from s3 because of the realization of everything and what that actually means

[dinitride-art]

hey fisher. thanks for ripping my heart out with that one post

I’m gonna assume this is about the s3 hug gif post. Listen, they didn’t have to make it like that and then hit us with the airport scene. And then s4 is Nancy telling Steve that they aren’t babies anymore and the kids learning about real relationships and feelings. And Lucas and max being like that and planning a date but it feels different from the times before because they’re old enough to start to realize that they mean something to each other.

And then there’s Mike and Will and they’re doing the same thing and realizing what their feelings are and what they mean and struggling. And Mike and Will, for the first time, are distancing themselves from each other emotionally and physically because they’re too old to not know what everything means. And they’re fighting about not keeping contact with each other and they’re trying to be normal and keep a safe distance and be as close as they’re allowed to be and find these new lines that they aren’t allowed to cross. And they can hold a phone at the same time and grab each other when they’re getting shot at but they can’t hold hands just to hold hands like they did when Will was possessed and they can’t be close to each other for longer than they’re allowed to be. But they keep gravitating towards each other and stepping back and forwards and they can’t fully step towards each other because they aren’t allowed to anymore but they can’t pull away because they need each other and they can’t help it. And Will can only reach out to Mike and put his hand on his back to tell him that he’s the heart, to tell him that he needs to save El.

Everything after that scene in season three is different. They’re kids still but they’re too old to not notice what’s allowed and what’s not. They’re starting to realize what real feelings are and what people mean to them. It all changes because Mike and Will can’t not notice their own feelings. They know what they mean now. They know that it’s not allowed. They’re so fucking scared. But they’re also really brave. Will makes Mike a painting, and while it might not go as he originally planned, he still tells Mike what he wanted to say. Even if he says it isn’t from him. And Mike’s questioning his and El’s relationship. He’s been pushing back against making it more serious, saying I love you, and he doesn’t give in when him and El fight about it. He’s trying so hard to be who he is, to be a good person, while protecting himself from what could happen if he was honest with her. They’re both figuring out how much they can have without being in danger. And this was all set up by the end of s3 with that hug. And hoppers letter voiceover. And the Byers moving. And castle byers being destroyed and the rain fight and all of it. Because they’re figuring out who they are now. And that changes everything,

And if they’d just hugged at the airport like normal I wouldn’t have had to write that addition to that post (or… all of this lol)

[psychedelic-ink]

𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑨𝑼𝑹𝑶𝑹𝑨 𝑩𝑶𝑹𝑬𝑨𝑳𝑰𝑺

pairing: din djarin x fem!reader

genre: hurt/comfort, romance, smut, forced proximity

word count: 2.8k

summary: A friend, lover, then stranger. The last thing you expected was to be snowed in along with the bounty hunter. Tension rises as the past circles you both, trapped in the Razor Crest with no where to run or hide.

warnings: established past relationship, piv, touch starved din, creampie, also this takes place after S2 but the Razor Crest is still here because I love it so much and miss it

a/n: As some people might remember, I had a winter WIP list called 'Psychedelic Winter,' and this was one of the fics that I said I would write. And I thought, 'Hey, what better moment to post this than the day Mando S3 drops?' Enjoy everyone, happy mando day!

When you were thrown onto an icy planet by your so-called colleagues, you didn’t really have a plan for survival. It was your fault really, you were too trusting, too eager to help and be useful. It was a stupid habit that you had since very little, forced to feed yourself in this lonely lonely world. 

However, it wasn’t always like that. 

With a shudder, you hug yourself, your boot-clad feet buried in the snow. The flakes feel like glass shattering across your skin, painful and cold. Even your lungs tremble from it. As you walk forward, your mind brutally reminds you of him. A man that became a friend, a confidant which had quickly turned into something more. Heat pools between your legs at the mere thought of it, the feeling of emptiness and cold prominent. 

The Mandalorian. Mando. Din Djarin. Din. 

You miss him still. You can’t really help it. You loved traveling with him, and after such a long time, you truly felt like you belonged. He became family. He became your everything. Soon after your little family grew, Grogu joining the fray. It felt like a dream, you were finally living out what you’d been searching for. 

But that all changed when Grogu had to return to his own kind. The Jedi. Din grew distant, he pulled away, not responding to you or your touches. You just felt grief emanating from him, something that you couldn’t fix. He didn’t ask you to leave, you just left. Once again alone, once again without a home. 

In your desperate attempt to replace it, you went with anyone who would tolerate your presence. You’ve met some good people, but you’ve met some assholes too—obviously. 

Your lashes turn into cold crystals, stinging every time you blink. In the distance you see a hint of yellow light that bleeds into red, you can feel the warmth of it despite being far away. Like a moth to a flame, you walk towards it, your steps fighting against the cold wind and the snow. You can’t feel your fingertips anymore, or your legs, or your face for that matter. You’re flirting with death. 

You notice that the ship most likely crashed. You press your freezing palms into the metal, still hot, a soft heat spreading throughout your hand and blossoming across your arms. You let out a sigh. It feels familiar like you’ve been here almost. Teeth clattering, you reach the door and give it a loud knock, your fists hurt when you do it, but you manage to muster your last bits of strength. 

The door opens with a muffled hiss and you find yourself immediately staring into a blaster. 

A very familiar blaster. 

You quickly realize why this ship felt familiar, it was the goddamn Razor Crest. Your home—once upon a time. 

The blaster falters, and you stare into the familiar dark visor, he tilts his head. You like to imagine that he’s happy to see you despite the shock. With a crooked smile, you mimic his movement, cocking your head to the side. 

“Hey, Din.” 

Everything is the same. Everything is different. It’s weird to be back within the Razor Crest’s metal walls. The ship creaks with the wind, metal groaning as Din sits across from you, his legs spread and elbows leaning over his knees. You chew the inside of your cheek. Having such intimate memories with someone is an odd thing, your body still remembers what it felt like to be filled so thoroughly by him, to have his large hands squeezing and kneading your ass as you dripped and begged for more. 

Heat settles right below your spine. You wonder if it’s the same for him too. Had he thought of you after you left? Had he rutted into the pillows imagining that it was you instead? 

Probably not. 

“The engines are messed up from the cold but as soon as the storm lets up a bit we should be good to go,” he says, refocusing your focus back on him. “We’re going to be stuck here for a while.” 

You nod, not really knowing what else to say. To be honest, you’re slightly embarrassed that he’s seeing you like this. 

“How did you end up here?” he asks. 

The question surprises you because you hadn’t expected him to make conversation. You can’t tell if he’s angry or not from the modulated voice. He sounds like he always does. You look up to him, wishing you could see his face. 

“Grouped up with the wrong people. You?” 

“After a bounty.” 

“Ah, the same old.” 

“Pretty much.” 

The following silence is uncomfortable, it makes you feel unwelcomed and slightly gross. You don’t know what to say. What can you say to the man you basically abandoned? That was never your intention, but it was what he wanted. He didn’t need you around, reminding him of something important that he’d lost. 

Your mouth acts unfiltered, the horror sinking in as soon as you ask. 

“Have you heard from Grogu?” 

He stiffens quite visibly. His shoulders raise, his visor looks down. You curse your tongue from moving on its own. Din’s anger is physically felt by you, it chokes out the air from your lungs, forces the soles of your shoes to be glued to the floor. Your eyes go wide and you swallow. Your lips are sealed shut when he stands, his figure suddenly larger and taller than what you’ve been used to from your memories. 

“You don’t need to ask about him,” he answers curtly. “We don’t need to talk at all.” 

Din storms towards the back of the ship, his long strides reverberating through the metal walls. His sudden outburst leaves you stunned, your thoughts scrambled like the tangled wires of a circuit board. The sound of sparks and him tinkering with something echoes within the confinements. You’re stunned. Confused. You hesitate for a moment, unsure of what to do, before the ship groans and shudders again. A loud groan vibrating from your feet to your chest. 

Your feet move of their own accord, propelled by a mix of curiosity and concern. As you approach, the cacophony of tinkering grows louder, the metallic clinks and whirs blending into a symphony of sound. At first glance it looks like he’s doing nothing, crouched over, just occupying his hands. You reach out to touch his shoulder, a hesitant gesture. To your surprise, he leans in instinctively, his body responding to your touch like a magnet to metal.

But then jerks away, as if he’s been burned. 

“What did you mean by that?” you ask, pulling away.

He huffs, his hands falling. “I just said we don’t have to talk.” 

“What if I want to talk? I missed you, Din.” 

It’s an unexpected, sudden confession but you decide to go with it. It isn’t a lie. You did miss him. 

“Miss me?” he hisses out, his head falling back, he stares at the ceiling. “You left.” 

“What? Are…are you blaming me for what happened?” 

“No,” he stands up, his masked face an inch away from yours. You fight the urge to take a step back. He wouldn’t hurt you. He slowly tilts his head as if he’s amused by whatever expression you’re pulling. “I’m stating a fact. Didn’t you go?” 

Your eyes fall to his chest, “I did but—” 

“Then I find you on the brink of death, shivering, helpless,” he lets out a deep breath, chest heaving. “Was it worth it?” 

“I left because you didn’t want me around.” 

Your gaze snaps back up. He doesn’t move, the visor staring back at you feels colder compared to the storm raging outside. The build-up of tears is sudden, overwhelming. Your face controls with anger, your brows pinched and your lips curling down. The rage twists in your gut, you’ve been suffering, doing jobs left and right to feed yourself. And he has the audacity to tell you that it’s your fault? That he never wanted you to leave? 

Bullshit. 

Without thinking you push him away, your hands finding the cold plates that decorate his chest. He doesn’t move. An indestructible wall. Shaking your head, you push at him again, and again, and again. When nothing works, you hammer down with fists. Your heart beats loudly and painfully in your chest. You can’t breathe. You can’t speak. It’s suffocating and cold. So fucking cold. 

Your fists stop mid-air when he holds them, gloved fingers wrapped tightly around your wrists. 

“I never asked you to leave.” 

“You didn’t have to,” your eyes fall, shame heating your cheeks. “You barely spoke to me. Touched me. It felt like I was reminding you of a tainted memory. Something you could never have again.” 

“That’s not…dank farrik—” 

He pulls you in, arms coiling around you with the intent to never let go. The beskar is uncomfortable but comforting. Your hands shake as you return in like, wrapping your arms around him weakly. His hand cradles the back of your head, the other one sliding down to rest against the small of your back. He doesn’t say a word but you know this is his own peculiar way of apologizing. Even if he’s not sure what he’s apologizing for. Neither of you are. Luckily, you have a very functional mouth. 

“I thought you wanted me gone after…I didn’t know. I should’ve realized you were hurting. I was so afraid of what you might say that I acted before you actually said it.” 

“I was never planning on saying it,” he answers. “I missed you too, mesh’la.” 

His scent; metal, musk, and something sweet fills your lungs. You take deep inhales of him, grounding yourself back to reality. The hard surface of his helmet presses into the top of your head. The ache between your legs is uncomfortable, you want to touch him, feel his bare skin against yours. 

“Do you trust me?” he asks. 

You answer. “With my life.” 

“Then close your eyes for me. Let me guide you.” 

You do as you’re told. A dance that you’ve grown accustomed to once upon a time. The hiss of a helmet, the touch of his lips, the feeling of his hands cupping your bottom. He slips his tongue into your mouth, tasting you, reminding himself of what you felt like all those times ago. He tastes the memories he hasn’t been a part of, he gets used to the differences. 

When he parts, it’s hard to keep your eyelids from fluttering. You don’t open them, but the tease of the what if always remains. What would happen if you gave into temptation? Would he know you’ve seen him? Would he be angry? Would he never see you again? Would it be worth the risk? 

No, you think, It wouldn’t. 

“Touch me, riduur, I need you to touch me,” the last plea is spoken brokenly. “please.” 

Your hands roam his armor, blindly helping him out of it, touching every exposed skin and muscle. He’s trembling under your touch. You feel the thrust of his hips into yours, still clothed, desperate. Your skin prickles when you feel the hardness, heat pooling between your legs, and tingling. You’re just as desperate as he is. 

He takes your hand and leads you to the bunk. You feel him everywhere. His lips are on your breasts, kissing a trail down and circling the pebbled nipple with the tip of his tongue. He opens his mouth wide, fitting as much as he can as he sucks and bites. You arch into him, your hands still touching—tracing his back, cupping his ass, pulling him closer, asking him to thrust against you in the same desperate manner he had not moments ago. 

“Why did you leave?” he asks between wet, needy kisses. “Why did you go?” 

“I don’t know,” you say over and over. “I was scared, I’m sorry, I love you.” 

It was like a song that was whispered for their ears only. It’s a symphony of reminding themselves what they’d lost, and what they’d gained. 

Feeling him inside is a beautiful thing. Din is not a small man, not in the slightest, and he has to cover your eyes just in case when he fills you. It’s a smooth entry, your wetness enough to pull him deep inside. Your walls flutter, the blissful pain of the stretch makes you moan his name. The first thrust is like fireworks in your mind, bursting with pleasure. The second one you feel like ice, melting into the motion of his hips and the warmth of his cock. 

“Harder,” you breathe out. “Harder, fuck me, Din.” 

His teeth sink into your neck, his pacing fast, hard. The sound of skin against skin is loud enough to drown the sound of the snowstorm outside. You push against each thrust, albeit your movements not really doing much, uncoordinated and unpracticed. Din pins your hips down, his fingers like iron branding your skin. He hammers into you, the dark curls stimulating your clit forcing out a gasp from you. 

“Look at me.” 

“What?” 

“Look at me. Open your eyes.” 

His hips slow down into a tortuous grind. Your bottom lip trembles at the thought. You’re scared to open your eyes, and frankly, you’re not sure if you heard him right. His thumb smooths over your closed lid, gently pulling them down.

“Don’t be afraid,” he whispers. “I want to see you. I want to see the look in your eyes when you come for me. I want you to see mine.” 

“Are…are you sure?” 

Your heart feels like a ticking time bomb, your chest ready to explode, the ticking in your ears too loud. 

“I’m sure.” 

Your eyes open incredibly slow, fearful. Din’s face clears up and you see him smiling down at you, his hair mussed, sticking to his forehead due to sweat. Hesitantly, you place a hand on his cheek, feeling the trimmed down hairs with the pad of your thumb. He leans into your touch. 

“Now, that wasn’t so scary was it?” he asks, you smile and shake your head. 

“No, it wasn’t.”

He kisses you. It’s different this time, softer, slower. He resumes his thrusts, hips snapping into you with the intent of release. His one hand slides between your bodies, thick fingers finding your clit and starting to draw quick, tight circles around the sensitive nub. The skin above your stomach grows tight, your thighs shaking against the broadness of his hips. You can’t get enough of him. Kissing him and at the same time trying to look at him. You engrave his face into memory. 

Din breaks the kiss with a rush, his one hand cradles your cheek, tilting your head up to him. He holds your gaze, his lips parted. You feel your cunt fluttering around him, his cock heavy and throbbing deep inside you. Din spills into you with a groan, his hips stuttering forward. You follow right after, the sight of him too much. Your teeth sink into your bottom lip and his eyes roll back, you gush around him, your body convulsing as a silent promise never to let him go. 

When both of you come down from your highs, he kisses you. Again and again. A man starved. A man desperate. Only one plea falling from his lips. 

“Touch me.” 

You wake up with his touch on your shoulder. When you open your eyes memories come flooding back, you and Din, again you had found your home. You wince as you slowly get up, the ache between your legs uncomfortable but missed. You notice that Din is in full armor, waiting for you outside of the cot. 

“Come with me,” he says, voice hoarse. “I want to show you something.” 

He helps you into your clothes and his hand never leaves your waist as the two of you make your way up to the cockpit. The storm had subsided, only snow falling scarcely from the heavens above. He points you to look up, and you do. 

Your breath catches in your throat. The sky is alight with an otherworldly dance of colors - the aurora borealis.

The lights shift and shimmer, painting the sky with vibrant hues of green, blue, and purple. It's as if the entire galaxy has come to life, it’s beautiful. 

Din's arms wrap around you from behind, and you melt into his embrace. The warmth of his body against yours, the strength of his grip, and the steady rhythm of his breathing all serve to ground you in the moment. You feel safe, and you feel loved.

The aurora continues to dance above you, you lean your head back against Din's chest. It's like nothing else matters in the world except for this moment - just the two of you, surrounded by the beauty of the cosmos.

And as you look up at the lights, you know that you are home.

[glamaphonic]

i did this for rick so as promised my personal headcanon on the trajectory of michonne's feelings for rick

the most fun thing for me about this is that even though i would say that michonne is generally quite emotionally astute, it actually takes her way waaaaay longer than rick to be able to recognize what's going on between them

rick and michonne are so similar in terms of the things that drive them, that move them, that are most important to them (as gimple said: they have the same soul) and her entire approach to their relationship is basically tied into the fact that she and rick had inverse experiences at the very beginning of the apocalypse. he set out to find his family and did. whereas michonne had her family and lost them.

so she closes it all down, decides to just go away, but she can't really escape who she is, so she helps andrea. and this starts the recurring pattern in michonne's character arc where she repeatedly comes to these decision points where she has to make a choice between giving in to the nothingness or being herself (someone who is loving, compassionate, a protector) and every time she makes the choice to be true to herself, it invariably leads her to rick and their family

so from the moment they meet in s3 she is also viscerally drawn to him the same way he is to her, and like him there is no way she's in a place to even begin to process this. but she sought him out specifically because she was making that choice, to look for connection and community, and she sees who he is pretty much immediately, and so extends him this profound trust over and over again because who he is, what she sees in him, is fundamentally why she wants to be a part of that community.

in 4a, michonne's trauma has her turned every which way. she's already grown attached to rick and to carl and her reaction to this is to keep one foot out the door; to not be fully present for the community. to try to keep her distance even though while she's away she's still obviously thinking about her grimes boys all the time, i.e. bringing them back gifts, etc. and then the prison falls and it seems to justify her caution.

in 4b, she comes to one of those decision points and when she chooses to seek connection and community, it returns her to rick and carl. in my other post i note that this is where rick claims her as a grimes, but this is also where michonne fully commits. she claims them too. she accepts that they are hers. and of course we all know, and danai has even pointed out, the exact moment michonne fully falls in love with rick, when it clicks somewhere inside of her that it's only ever going to be him. but she's still nowhere near ready to consciously face that.

in 5a and through to 5b, just like rick she's not spending time examining what they've become. it just is. that's her family. they belong to each other.

towards the end of 5b, when rick starts to Realize, michonne doesn't because she instead actively sublimates the fact that she is in love with rick, that she has regained what she lost during the turn, into her general dedication to community. she puts everything into trying to shepherd their community without acknowledging her personal stake. which is what leads us to:

the end of 5b and through 6a during which michonne has to have 3 or 4 different people pretty much say to her face HEY YOU GET THAT YOU’RE MARRIED TO RICK AND RAISING CHILDREN WITH HIM RIGHT? YOU GET THAT BEYOND FOSTERING A COMMUNITY ON A MACRO LEVEL YOU HAVE A WHOLE ASS HUSBAND AND TWO KIDS? YOU GET THAT YOU DESERVE TO EMBRACE THIS THING THAT IS FOR YOU SPECIFICALLY AND LIVE A FULL LIFE?

but that final wall is so hard to get past because that wound is so deep, she has to sit with all of that for a good long while (she's working up to it), and it still takes carl basically openly declaring that she's his mother and rick actually making the move before she finally lets herself see, in that moment, what was already long since there.

and it's just very delicious to me personally that from 4a on rick was hers for the taking, honestly. all she had to do was say the word, but she wasn't ready to take him until that moment on the couch.

[sepublic]

The Owl House Pilot Leak!!!

            Oh my titan.

            The Owl House’s original pilot episode (basically a bunch of voiced-over storyboards) just got leaked and OMT. Watching it felt like experiencing the original magic of the show all over again… Reminding me what it was like to fall in love the first time!!! The hype and rush, the excitement to type down my thoughts after a new episode, analyzing and gushing over both big and small moments, the details!!! The pilot has reiterated all over to me again why I love these characters, from Luz's powerful earnestness, to Eda's chaotic demeanor! It’s like having the whole show open ahead of me, the possibilities endless when knowing this is just the beginning and we could go anywhere from here!

            What’s interesting is that Luz’s conflict with Camila doesn’t really exist here; In fact Camila isn’t present or mentioned at all! What brings Luz to the isles is Amity, who’s been learning in the human world, under the guise of being a human by disguising her ears! It’s alluded to that Odalia and Alador made her do it, though we don’t know why…

            But WOW that must’ve been so meta, doing S3 with Amity stuck in the human world with Luz, hiding her ears! It must’ve been a fun way to bring back the older concepts in new form! And indeed, we see a couple of stuff we’ve already gotten glimpses of, such as the storyboards of Luz offering her friendship art to Amity! I love that we get to see the actual scenario of how Amity accidentally defended Luz in the first place, since we heard that but didn’t get to see how it turned out.

            It’s interesting that Lumity is basically the inciting incident of the story, though I can see why the final version opted instead to emphasize Luz’s conflict with her mother. Especially with how she chooses to stay in the isles in the final draft, which leads to guilt over lying to her mom, having her ‘coming out’ moment that eventually occurs in Yesterday’s Lie, etc. So more agency when it comes to Luz losing her access to the human world. Plus in the pilot, there isn't the same emphasis on Luz trying to live out her dreams of being a witch, and her obsession with stories that ties back to Manny and forms the basis for a lot of other themes and arcs.

            That said, I also appreciate what this alternate take offers, and how Lumity helps tie everything together, it really is the queerness that is such a foundational part of the ‘weirdness’ theme that the show is about, and it’s intertwined with the pilot! God Luz being heartbroken when Amity dismisses the drawing… And then crying when Eda compliments it without realizing who it’s about! Or maybe she did, she could’ve recognized Luz there and figured out a way to stealthily make Luz feel better…!

            I love Luz routinely lock-picking her locker because she presumably forgot the combination! And it’s interesting that we have a setup of there being multiple dimensions that the Boiling Isles has access to, and not just the human world and Demon Realm. That plays a role in the climax, more on that later. Given we have what is basically an airport for different dimensions, I wonder if we would’ve seen Luz find her way back home much earlier on, under much less intense circumstances, in a S1A episode?

            The ‘Emperor’ is also alluded to in the pilot, which we didn’t get actual mention of until the fifth episode in the final show. He apparently dislikes humans and wants Luz brought over to him, is this still operating off of the ‘Pupa’ version of the character who claimed to speak on behalf of the true ruler, trapped in their metamorphosis by him? So maybe he wasn’t always human, or maybe this is Belos’ hypocritical way of ‘protecting’ humans by keeping them away and in blissful ignorance of the demon realm.

            We also establish Hexside much earlier! IIRC Hexside was always part of the show, but executives pushed for it to have more emphasis, which the crew continued to follow through on in S2 onwards because that had already been set up. Lilith is the principal, and I recognize the storyboards of her, including her bat transformation! We get a Tinella Nosa cameo, we see Amity, and there’s also a brief cameo of Willow too! Nice way to set her up before her proper debut.

            The ‘barrier’ containing King’s crown turns out to just be a regular human locker, which makes me wonder if the writers updated the final draft to make it a force field that only allows humans through, because of the whole Belos twist. Which makes me wonder if in this draft, Belos is Pupa, who never was human, or maybe they realized the opportunity to insert foreshadowing into a big twist regarding the main villain. Makes me wonder if the house we see Amity enter in the pilot, which is on sale, would've had any significance like in the final show. Love how Tinella Nosa is a student at Hexside, and also Dana having to occasionally insert lines for Wendie Malick and others was great.

            Lilith is a lot more openly adversarial, which is different compared to how her actual debut provides a softer side to her; I imagine this would’ve been apparent in a later episode of the ‘Pilot AU’, and her transformation has me curious; Was she originally the one with the curse, but then the writers changed it to Eda? Or did they both have a curse? Eda also has an owl form she can summon and control at Will, maybe all Clawthornes have a beast mode that’s less of a curse and more of a talent. Lilith ends up trapped in another dimension, which makes me wonder if she’d have a temporary replacement –possibly Pilot Bump- or if she’d return offscreen. We see the portal key get destroyed under much more casual circumstances, though it’s less as big of a deal for this and the established ‘dimension port’ we saw before.

            (Also, Amity recognizing Luz in the hallway… Everything to me!!!)

            Warden Wrath doesn’t exist and neither does the Conformatorium, it’s Lilith and Hexside. With her as principal and Amity as student, I wonder if we would’ve gotten more of their relationship in the pilot AU, if Covention was a way of carrying over that former connection since Amity would be a teacher’s pet in either version of the story. And speaking of ties to Covention, it’s interesting is that Eda’s chest gem seems to be linked to the Emperor’s Coven, as ‘Pilot Kikimora’ uses it to control her. Curiously, we have a scene at the end mirroring what we got with Lilith in the final draft of the show!

            I feel it implies that Eda DID join the Emperor’s Coven with Lilith, if only for a brief moment, but then defected; But the chest gem is basically the pilot version of the Emperor’s sigil, except with the explicit function of being a shock collar. I find it interesting that Eda still has the mirror to contact the EC with, instead of just getting rid of the thing. Is she a rogue agent who hasn’t totally cut ties, because she can’t? Won’t?

And the fact that Pilot Kikimora can just shock Eda at will makes me wonder if the Emperor is low-key just letting Eda roam around, which makes me wonder if he’s aware of the familial connection, is using Eda to find Luz, already knows about her doing that because of the time loop, etc. We’d of course have gotten an episode where Luz finds out about Eda’s connection and helps her deal with the gem… I realize now that Luz learning Eda also wanted to join the EC with Lilith is a carryover of this idea.

I can see the ups and downs between both versions; The final draft sets up Luz’s conflict with Camila and the reality camp, which is foundational to her character arc throughout the whole show. Her pain over being ‘sent away’ is just so vital that I appreciate its inclusion in the first episode. But I also like the inclusion of Lumity and the earnest desire to be friends with someone who showed her, unwittingly, any kindness at all! We get explicit bullying from Luz’s peers in the pilot, but in the final draft we also get her thoughtlessness that plays a big part in her S1 arc. And Luz’s arrival in the isles is more intertwined with Eda and King in the final version, which also feels right; The show is about these three in particular!

All in all, this was wonderful to watch! The magic was experienced all over again, not just in watching an episode, but also commentating on one that was just ‘released’ as well? I thought the last time I’d do anything like this was with the series finale Watching and Dreaming… But as Luz said, it really comes full circle with watching the first episode all over again! So maybe we have other stuff to still look forward to after all… At the very least, we have an eternal anticipation with an unexplored universe ahead of us, that will never reach completion; So it's like our ever-lasting final gift from TOH, and a good last one. So until next time: BBBBBYYYYYEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

[puppietooth]

let me preface this by saying i will love and adore and cherish s3 no matter happens. however, i will say — the one thing i want to see is carmy going out of his way to get back on sydney’s good side.

i’m talking begging for forgiveness, grovelling at her feet, bending over backwards for her.

imagine:

carmy gets out of that walk-in, sees the queasy look on her face, and is already drafting that notes app apology in his head. he tells her he’s sorry and that he fucked up and she tells him they managed to pull everything off without him but she cannot with his bullshit right now.

that hits him like a punch to the gut and, well, he gets it cause it’s definitely deserved.

but as the weeks go on, carmy tries to talk to her she only responds in shrugs, nods, and yes chefs. sydney goes home straight after service, after she helps with clean up, does not linger and talk in the office with him like they did before. carmy tries joking with her and she rolls her eyes more often than not. he asks her if she wants to work on the menu with him and she says no and he gets the feeling that she doesn’t even want to be alone with him anymore.

and that’s when he realizes — fuck. she’s so mad at him.

my girl is mad at me i want to die.

so? what else is carmy supposed to do but the most?

sydney comes in one morning and tells tina she was running late so she couldn’t stop by her favourite spot to get her morning latte. carmy overhears this and takes it upon himself to run to that spot, ten blocks over, to get her that latte. and when he gets back, sweetly and breathless, he gives it to her only to find out it’s the completely wrong order. but syd smiles, just a little, says a small thanks.

during family, he casually hints at the fact that he’s seeing a therapist now — says sorry chef i have therapy saturday afternoon when marcus asks if anyone would be down to go to the farmers market with him. because he needs her to know that he’s trying to get better. for himself, yes, but also for her.

his notifications are on and his phone is never on silent anymore — carmy vows to never miss a text or a call from her ever again.

carmy starts checking in with her about everything. when the walls need to be painted again he tells her, asks sydney if she’s okay with changing the floral arrangements but the bar, lets her know he’s ordering new aprons for the line cooks, runs tweets by her before posting them to the bear’s twitter account. and it gets to the point where syd has to tell him to chill — that she appreciates him not wanting to keep her in the dark, but some things just don’t need her approval. pats him on the shoulder and tells him it’s his restaurant, too.

it might come off as a bit showy but he tells her great work today, chef sydney after every service — because she is doing great work.

when sydney’s finally moving out of her dad’s place carmy is there, bright and early, moving her boxes into his car, trying to avoid the subtle stink eye her dad is giving him. again, deserved. he drives her out to her new place, helps her set everything up and lingers when she asks him if he wants coffee.

carmy shows up for her, everytime. he sets his own priorities aside, swaps them out for hers. sydney says jump and he asks how high?

it all comes to head on her birthday. before service he goes up to her and gives her a present — a scarf, fabric pink and decorated with prints of various different flowers. it’s soft and silky and he saw it on a mannequin in a window front while he was downtown a couple of weeks ago, immediately thought of her. she tells him it’s lovely and beautiful and she’ll wear it all the time but that he really didn’t have to — that he doesn’t have to keep trying to win her over, that she isn’t mad at him anymore, that she hasn’t been mad for a few weeks now, that she can see he’s trying.

then, sydney hugs him, strong and gentle at the same time, tells him — i see you, carmy.

whatever is supposed to happen after that does not happen because fak starts yelling about an exploding toilet from the room over so sydney scoffs and says she’ll go take care of it.

and it’s at that exact moment that carmy becomes aware of what he hasn’t been aware of but that has been there, right in front of him this whole time.

holy shit.

he likes sydney.

he likes her a lot.

[cookinguptales]

*spins the meta wheel* yeah okay, let's talk about Nandor.

One of the things that's always fascinated me most about his character is the way he desperately wants change but also seems to be more terrified of it than all the other characters put together. He talks about wanting things to be different a lot, but he always sabotages anything that might really materially change his life.

Like -- this quest for love. He talks about how much he wants a partner, he wants his life to change, but what do we actually see? In s3 and the beginning of s4, he's just consistently going after women who don't really want him instead of spending time developing the relationships he already has. He dips into shallow relationship after shallow relationship because the real relationships, the ones that might actually change his life, terrify him. The best/worst of these is probably the cult dedicated to literally living in a fantasy version of the past, which like. Not really helping him beat those afraid-of-change allegations.

(You can learn all the 80s and 90s songs you want, Nandor, we both know only Guillermo is exposing you to modern pop culture! And yeah, there's more than one metaphor there...)

And then in s4, he decides he wants a wife, so he chooses one in the most haphazard way possible and makes both of their lives miserable. He is constantly changing her to make her easier for him to deal with without actually changing his life, and then he gets rid of her when he's fed up with the monster that he's created.

His whole thing with the Djinn is that he's constantly asking him to change things -- and then change them back. He wastes so many wishes on things like Marwa. I want this. No, that. No, that. No, put it all back to the way it was originally.

He does this over and over and over, and nothing seems to perturb him more than finding out that things have changed when he wasn't looking. (See: his difficulty accepting that Laszlo is creating relationships with other people, his spiraling over the big bang, etc.)

So... how does this pertain to Guillermo?

Guillermo's frustrated with Nandor at the end of s4 because Nandor likes the status quo. Things are different, are constantly changing, but Nandor refuses to acknowledge any of that. (He even mentions off-hand that he forgets Guillermo is a slayer sometimes.) Guillermo has always worked for them all under the promise of change, so you could see why this would freak him out a little. He's realizing that things will never change with Nandor because Nandor won't let them. He's so scared of change that he just straight-up ignores it and hopes it will go away -- when he's not actively trying to stop it.

Nandor, who has been making and breaking plans with an almost manic frenzy for the entire season, is finally calm at the end of s4. Why? Because he thinks that everything has gone back to normal. Marwa is gone. Freddie is gone. Guillermo is no longer talking about leaving. Those are the important ones for him, but then Colin Robinson also returns and the house is set to rights, too, so like... why should he worry?

He has no idea what he's already lost. That's what's making me crazy. He doesn't know that he's already lost everything that matters to him. But I think he suspects.

The thing is, Nandor throws himself into his books and his self-help and everything else because I think he can tell, at least on a subconscious level, that things have changed. Indelibly. He knows that Guillermo has changed, and that's probably the one kind of change that scares him more than anything else.

But despite the fact that Nandor can tell that something is up, he still keeps insisting that it's no big deal. It must be some small perceived slight or something. It can't be a huge change that Guillermo is keeping from him. No, no, he already figured that out. He managed to reel Guillermo back in with the wedding scheme. He doesn't have to worry about Guillermo straying again.

:')

He's afraid of losing Guillermo to change, so he prevents change and ignores what he can't prevent. He doesn't realize that that's exactly what's driving Guillermo away. That it's already driven Guillermo away. Nandor's put the idea of Guillermo's transformation up on a shelf, nice to look at occasionally but not a thing he really has to interact with. The theoretical option for change is there, but he doesn't have to worry about it actually affecting his life.

As always, he's attracted to it, but it also scares him. He'll make a glitter portrait of a vampiric Guillermo at his side, but he can't seem to fully get his head (and heart) around the reality of giving Guillermo that kind of power and freedom.

He's afraid that giving Guillermo that kind of power/freedom will change their relationship further, when he's finally gotten it the way he (thinks he) likes it, and he's even more afraid that if Guillermo's leash is taken off, he'll run. He spent all of s4 trying to keep Guillermo from running, but he still seems to believe down deep that he'll do it.

And... he wasn't wrong. Guillermo did go elsewhere to get his bite. But Nandor is very much the one who drove him to do it. I think that's the tragic thing, isn't it? He was so afraid of his relationship with Guillermo changing that he forced Guillermo's hand, which caused the exact kind of change that he was most afraid of. Guillermo distancing himself, Guillermo leaving, Guillermo -- well, cuckolding him, really.

I think it's fixable, but Guillermo's not the only person who's going to need to eat dirt here. He may have been the one who "cheated", from the vampires' POV, but Nandor wasn't upholding his end of the deal, either. And he's going to have to acknowledge the way Guillermo has grown and changed throughout the course of the series, stop regressing to calling him his familiar, and apologize for his own inaction. It may not be the vampiric way, but it certainly would not be the first time Nandor has thrown away vampiric customs for Guillermo.

Nandor, friend, you gotta sit back and learn to embrace change. You gotta enter the 21st century. You gotta allow your relationship with Guillermo to grow organically.

Because Guillermo's gonna change one way or another, and it's really your decision whether or not he leaves you behind. :')

[audiblehush]

Listen, I’m on the “I’ll believe it when I see it” train with all these inconsistent S3 rumors because 1) LOL the fucking Sun, people, really?! and 2) “Well, the friend of my friend said… and they’re really reliable! Trust me!” 🙄

But even if it all ends up being true: I’ve already seen a handful of great posts talking about no, it’s NOT actually harming Colin’s character, thanks, and would make a lot of sense from what we know about where he’s at mentally so far - I’ll try not to rehash stuff they’ve already argued really well… and probably fail once i get going 😬

But I would also like to throw out that canonically… Book!Colin ALSO had experience prior to his relationship with Penelope?? Not to rakeish levels, but yeah, he had sexual encounters with women… That he then specifically mentions as meaning NOTHING once he compares it to what he has with Penelope because with her there is actual LOVE built over YEARS of INTIMACY.

And since Show!Colin is markedly younger than his book counterpart, it would make sense that this is something he is exploring, whether the initial choice is through coercion from his brother(s), or because he is curious, or… whatever he reason is?? It doesn’t matter??

He’s YOUNG. Being young means being curious about sex! It often means learning over time the difference between mere physicality vs intimacy. Learning about sex can be messy, confusing, wonderful, terrible, mediocre, not what you thought it’d be, etc etc etc.

Regardless of if we’re taking about Penelope OR Colin: Context is everything and WE. DON’T. HAVE. ANY. YET.

Penelope has her own coping mechanism for what she’s dealing with on her own throughout the show with LW; why is Colin any different, whether that’s drinking, tea, sex, etc? He’s clearly exploring different aspects of himself and finding what appeals or doesn’t appeal to him. And that’s normal!!

The IRONY of people claiming they’re furious at Colin treating women like sex toys… when that’s exactly how some people view Colin for Penelope. He is more than a prop for her! Their whole story is that they choose each other after years of self discovery and recognition of each others true selves… ALL of their past experiences included.

Even if the rumored second instance is true… 1) it would clearly be used as a way to prove that he’s miserable and NEEDS love and Pen and intimacy and 2) characters make mistakes... often ones they learn from. Pen has made her fair share of poor choices, too. Colin has and WILL make mistakes because that is what interesting, developing characters do, yet y’all act like he is unforgivable for being given his own plot scenes. He is NOT just there to have sex with Penelope!! He is a character outside of his romance with his own struggles to grapple with!

Also, please be real - this was SO NORMAL for men during this era, especially at his age! Why are MODERN DAY AUDIENCES acting so fucking scandalized?? One or two instances doesn’t even make him a real rake, ESPECIALLY if it’s being framed as him realizing it isn’t what he ultimately wants! Why are you even watching this show if something like this is so offensive to you?!

If all this ends up being accurate (which again, I doubt), I will admit I’ll probably be picky about how it’s handled… but I’ve always felt that way about this pairing in the short time I’ve been in the fandom.

But I NEED people to chill the fuck out until the season actually airs. You’re lambasting something you HAVEN’T EVEN SEEN YET.

[chirpsythismorning]

There isn't much discourse about how Mike went from saying that El was a weapon in s1, even encouraging the others to use El's powers when she was still recuperating after finding Will in the void, to then in s3 accusing the others of being reckless with her powers, saying she's risking her life for no reason.

Now, I want to make clear that I'm not bashing Mike here, this has less to do with what he's doing being right or wrong. What this is about is how Mike went from doing something himself, to calling out other people for doing it, without acknowledging that fact and why the writers chose to frame it all this way.

You might think it's insignificant, but these two following scenes are clearly being paralleled to each other. And so the fact that Mike himself is acknowledging this as something to be critical of, makes me wonder what exactly is going on in his mind...

I want to preface this scene from s1 by saying that Mike is giving very off vibes here. I know that I certainly viewed this scene as romantic the first time I saw it, but since rewatching it recently, I was getting completely different vibes.

They literally make a point to focus on Mike being distracted, on the verge of impatience. Then, the way El reacts upon Mike getting up abruptly, gives this feeling of uncertainty about Mike's consideration for her in this moment, as she's clearly not what's on the top of his mind right now. And it just makes you wonder, are we truly supposed to be feeling peak romance rn?

I never realized how out of place this scene was until now (or is it...). It's just such an odd choice to have El resting her head on Mike's shoulder for comfort, only for Mike to cut it short with him being distracted, and with Dustin and El looking awkwardly at Mike like "Okay?...", then followed by a scene where he's trying to convince the others to use El's powers to help.

Here we have s1 Mike displaying behavior that s3 Mike was calling out the others for displaying:

Here we have Lucas, who was very, very critical of El being dangerous ALL of s1, and yet now in complete contrast to that, he is showing more consideration and common sense for El's well being than Mike, the supposed love (at first sight) interest ...

'That's the most important thing, remember?'

A question, followed by Mike just standing there in silence, like he's only just now really thinking about El being safe as their main priority... This is something that combined with everything else unfolding over the course of this season and the seasons after, that makes Mike's behavior a whole lot easier to understand.

I'll have to make several other posts about this, because there are a lot of aspects to it, but for now I'm just going to focus on these two parallels.

Here we have what happens in s3, with Mike being critical of the others doing something he himself literally did in s1:

In fact, how careless all of you are.

THIS. When Mike makes it a big deal to call out everyone for doing something he himself has already done, he's outright admitting that it's something that he believes is wrong, and by not even slightly acknowledging his role in doing something similar in the past, it's very likely that he feels guilty about it.

This was probably his way of trying to make it right, by standing up for El in a way that he didn't before because he was treating her like some superhero and not a real person back then.

It's just that the word love slipped out, in the heat of the moment. And El, upon overhearing this, is seeing this development of Mike herself, with s1 Mike going from, yes being more kind and considerate than the other 2 boys in the beginning, but still sort of expecting stuff from her without her being able to verbally agree to it, to now having developed and changed to saying that one of his big priorities is her safety.

El is taking this as being evidence he went from not loving her, to loving her. Another reason why it's pretty obvious El didn't believe Mike's monologue, bc she herself witnessed Mike develop his apparent romantic feelings for her over time, and so him saying it was love at first sight, was probably the catalyst that made it abundantly clear to her that he wasn't being truthful, bc she knows it's not the truth. She's not stupid.

Again this isn't about Mike doing this back then or even the others doing it now as being bad vs. good, this is about the writers going about it this way, sending a message that Mike feels guilt, enough to try to make things right, but is apparently not ready to unpack the actual guilt that is beneath the surface which lead him to this point.

And then there's this scene, which... it's actually terrifying how obvious it is they instructed Sadie and Caleb to lean out of that shot with Will and Mike reacting to El entering the room... Like... It's SOO obvious when you watch it now what they're trying to hint at without saying it.

Not only are they hinting at Will's feelings, because that is part of it, they're also hinting at Mike's internal struggle. Will is always on the back of his mind whether he's willing to address it or not. And all while that is happening, he is feeling unaddressed guilt about how he treated El when they first met and spent that one week together helping her run away from the bad guys while also looking for Will, something Mike viewed as being worthy of El using her powers...

I'll have to make the other posts regarding this soon, because it all starts to click what's going on with Mike when you look at all of these things together.

While Mike is just a kid like pretty much everyone else in this story, and while he didn't mean any harm by asking El to help them find Will (none of them did), I think that's kind of the whole point?

I think that he got lucky superman landed on his doorstep, who just so happened to be in danger herself, giving him his own purpose to help her too, with her needing him as well, and so it became a situation where they both needed each other.

But because El could literally not speak, it's not like she could really voice her feelings about things they were doing, beyond yes and no. She had Lucas sort of being critical of her, with Mike encouraging El to do things that would make the others see her as being worthy of sticking around so they can find Will. It goes without saying she felt obligated to do these things, even if they didn't outright tell her she had to or else. We literally see almost all of these scenes with her doing stuff for the others being instantly juxtaposed with scenes of Brenner doing the same. It's not the same scale of severity, but it is an acknowledgment that although she is outside of the lab, she still feels like her powers are what define her and it's all people want from her.

I think what it comes down to, is that in that moment when she is sacrificing herself to the demogorgan at the end of s1, we are seeing in real time Mike realizing what he and the other's have been asking of her this whole time, without outright asking her.

And you can literally see the retaliation and devastation hit him all at once. The instant regret, where he's backtracking and El stops him from even trying.

'Goodbye Mike' singles him out, because while he was the one out of the three that showed her the most kindness from the start, he was also the one who at the end of it all, was still expecting her to risk her life for them...

And that just makes it hit so much harder when you think about how that made Mike feel in that moment.

And then in s2 how that impacts Mike and his journey going forward.

His breakdown at the end of s2 upon her return.

His behavior in s3-4, in relation to him juggling his relationship with Will and El, now that they are both in his life at the same time.

It all starts to make sense.

I won't go too much into it because those other posts are bound to be long with a bunch of pictures too!

But on that note, there's at least one thing Mike isn't acknowledging, and it's literally what led up to the unintentional love confession that then led us to 10 more episodes of miscommunication because of it...

It's going to be important for him to address this guilt for him to fulfill his arc and to also close off his expectations that he has to have a romantic relationship with El in order to keep her in his life at all.

The audience themselves seeing this and being forced to face it is also going to make it a lot easier for them understand why Mike did what he did, not only because he's a queer kid in the 80's who has every reason to doubt and repress, but also because he understandably feels sort of indebted to El after everything.

It's more complex than him just falling out of love with her and falling in love with Will because of XYZ.

I think there is a lot of guilt and shame and trauma connected to their meeting and the events that followed. And addressing that is going to give a lot of closure to the ending of the story and also the beginning.

[jessicas-pi]

So the Ahsoka show (and a dream I had last night) gave me an idea. Imagine: AU where in Chapter 11 of The Mandalorian, Bo-Katan tells Din to go to Ahsoka... but also says that if Ahsoka won't help, then he should try finding her apprentice, Sabine Wren, on Lothal.

So after Ahsoka refuses to train Grogu, Din goes to Lothal before he tries Tython, which is therefore where everything with the Darktroopers goes down, which means that (a) Sabine is able to give Hera a heads up that the Empire is Doing Something, and (b) Sabine ends up inadvertently roped into the events of the rest of Mando S2. The Grogu rescue mission sort of helps her feel better---at least to feel like she's doing something. Din, meanwhile, sees someone just like him, who needs to keep busy to keep her mind off her trauma, so he decides to call her up for a little "help" whenever he feasibly can claim he needs it, or for some Jedi Training™ with Grogu (who didn't go with Luke, due to no trip to Tython and no seeing stone), or whatever excuse he can make up, which ends with Sabine getting pulled into BoBF and Mando S3, too.

Highlights include:

Din & Sabine: *win the fight with Moff Gideon together* Sabine: *takes the Darksaber from him, just to disarm him* Sabine: WAIT ACTUALLY NOPE NEVER MIND *throws the Darksaber as far as she can & refuses to pick it up again*

Sabine: You want ME to teach your kid? Din: Yes. Sabine: You do realize that I can't use the Force? Din: Yes. Sabine: And that my master stopped training me because I wasn't good enough? Din: Yes. Sabine: And that I have absolutely nothing to teach him? Din: Yes. Sabine: ...nothing I say is going to deter you, is it? Din: No.

Sabine: I just... feel... lost. Boba: Well, you could always work for me on Tatooine. Fennec: Have you ever considered an assassin business partnership? Bo-Katan: It's gonna take me a loooooooong time for me to get over you winning the Darksaber again, but you are my best friend's daughter, so if you choose to, you may come with me. Greef Karga: The Nevarro school could use an art teacher, you know. The Armorer: You are always welcome to take the Creed and join our covert. Din: How do you feel about being adopted? [later] Ahsoka, to Hera: Should we be concerned about the number of questionable figures trying to take in Sabine? Hera, having Maul flashbacks: Trust me. It could be a lot worse.

Sabine: You need to go to the Living Waters? Yeah I know where that is, I can take you. Din: That's a relief. Otherwise I was going to go ask Bo-Katan about them. Sabine: Oh? Let's ask her anyway. I'm totally down to bother Bo-Katan. Any time, any day. Kalevala HERE WE COME-

Din: While I appreciate your modifications to IG-12, Sabine, I'm not so sure about the words you've added. Grogu, delightedly smacking his new button: KRIFF. KRIFF. KRIFF. KRIFF. KRIFF.

Din: You had me at 'battle droids.' Sabine, giggling: yOu HaD mE aT 'BaTtLe DrOiDs'

Sabine, watching Din make his 'your song is not yet written' speech: This is sooo much better than the holodramas. Axe Wolves, side-eyeing her: You don't get out much, do you? Sabine: Nope. Want some popcorn?

.....ANYWAY, my point is, Sabine gets dragged into All The Mandoverse Shenanigans. Which is pretty funny on its own, right? But it gets better.

Because it just so happens that Din is on Lothal with Grogu when Ahsoka shows up with the map. and he kinda just....gets pulled along for the ride. So then HE'S in the AHSOKA show, mostly just trying to make sure Sabine doesn't do anything crazy, following her when she does it anyway, and being confused about Everything. Which lends itself to additional hilarity--

Din: Nightsisters? I heard they were witches. Ahsoka: They are. Din, internally: Oh my manda, I finally KNEW something!

Din: The evil Jedi are chasing us! Sabine: They're not Jedi! Din: They're not? But they have laser swords like you! Ahsoka: There's still a difference! Din: What difference? Ahsoka: Jedi use the Light side! These are Dark side users! Din: There are different sides of your sorcery??

[Sabine and Ezra reunite] Din: I'm so glad you finally found your husband, Sabine. Sabine: Ezra: Din: The crabs: *start gossiping* Sabine: He's... he's not my... husband... Din, confused: But you've clearly been living the Mandalorian marriage vows? One when together, one when apart, sharing all... Sabine: Yeah, no, that's- that's just coincidence. Din: Hold on. You live in his house, and you keep all his things, and you refuse to leave Lothal for more than a week or two at a time because it makes you miss him too much- Sabine: *makes stop talking gesture* Din: -and you gaze lovingly at the enormous mural you've painted of him, and you left everything behind the second you knew you had a chance to save him, and as far as I can tell, you've been utterly devoted to him since the moment he disappeared ten years ago- Sabine: *stop talking gestures intensify* Ezra: Wait, Sabine, is this true? Din: -and you're telling me you two aren't married? Sabine:

[fishgirl514]

sonic prime s3 rewrite:

im going to try to fix a bunch of things i was unsatisfied with from the end of the story.

such as the whole “work together” lesson that sonic learned somewhere in the last 6 episodes really vaguely. also im going to fix sonic and shadow’s vague friendship arc. i might also take a crack at fixing knuckles the dread’s conclusion bc he was the most interesting variant lets be honest and he was nearly forgotten. maybe in another post. this is future me talking i spent hours writing this.

im also going to make the “we’re back home” ending WAY longer and actually have there be an emotional resolution for the #notgay “brothers”

and the most egregious sin (imo) of season 3 was the fact that all the worlds just. stayed. and that was it. huh????????

THIS WILL BE LONG AND MIGHT BE ASS IN YOUR OPINION LOL ITS CHILL. IM NOT A SEASONED DAY 1 FAN WHOSE READ EVERY COMIC AND PLAYED EVERY GAME AND KNOWS THESE CHARACTERS BETTER THAN THE WRITERS OR ANYTHING IM JUST HAVING FUN AND SHARING WHAT I THINK WOULD HAVE MADE MORE SENSE

THE SHARDS:

ok first, we have to go back in time a little bit. i think each shard should have been the heart of its respective world instead of just the random place it happened to be sitting in. the shards create the world around them, and whoever holds the shard of a world basically controls reality for that world. the shards are always originally centered on the palm tree of their world (the chaos council found their tree and stole the shard, this is why the tree is so important to the resistance, they need to return it to restore balance. NO ONE IS MEANT TO WEILD THE SHARDS, IT ONLY BRINGS CHAOS. THIS IS A CENTRAL THEME.) when a shard is removed from its world, the world begins to slowly collapse on itself. the more shards are taken the more the WHOLE shatterverse starts to become unstable. THIS is why the shatterverse begins to decay, not just because there was “too many portals” or whatever.

THE MOST IMPORTANT PART: when the paradox prism is fully recreated and brought back to its place in ghost hill, green hill will be restored and the shatterverse will cease to exist. it was created by the shards being split, bringing them back together brings the world back together into one.

sonic does not realize this at first. he finds out the shards are in different worlds and starts trying to find them all to put them back together, saying he needs to recreate his world, not thinking about the logical consequence for the shatter spaces. nine hears this and thinks he could create his OWN world wherever he wants using the power of the prism. he is wrong. (find out why later)

SHADOW:

for the most part, shadow is in the right about everything. his only issue is that like sonic, he doesn’t want to work together. sonic is too impulsive, but shadow is too stubborn. they learn to overcome this together throughout the series. while shadow is stuck speaking to sonic from the void, they are constantly disagreeing on what to do. shadow is being too bossy and demanding that his plans be followed to the letter, and sonic is making split second changes and forgetting to tell him. this at some point nearly ends in a MASSIVE disaster and they both realize they need to get it together. wasting time fighting is part of what caused this mess in the first place- shadow is also slightly at fault here. we do a flashback to the day of the incident and they agree to try to cooperate. it’s a little rocky, but by the end they’re fighting side by side in perfect sync, recognizing each other as valued friends.

NINE:

nine for most of the series can stay the same. an important plot point for me is his insistence that he is NOT tails. however, instead of this being something sonic has to learn is true, it’s something nine has to learn is false. when nine goes to ghost hill and sees the old tails, he’s unnerved by this hollow shell of a version of himself. while he is alone putting the shards back together on the mountain, he realizes that just like the shards are unstable fragments of the paradox prism, the shatter spaces are unstable fragments of green hill. he is a fragment of tails. this sets off a minor identity crisis on top of the realization that he is not supposed to exist. none of the shatter spaces are supposed to exist. that’s why they’re all so out of wack. no place is flooded and ruled by pirates, the boscage maze is a suffocating jungle, new yoke is a dystopian nightmare, and the grim is a lifeless wasteland. they all exist in a fragile state of balance and are already falling apart. they were already on shaky ground but have been on a direct path to destruction since sonic showed up. he still has hope in his ability to make the grim into his own world, but deep down he’s refusing to let himself realize the truth: even with the power of all 5 prism shards the world will continue to decay until they are reunited. nine takes the shards and leaves.

SONIC:

dear god. sonic. where do i even begin.

first of all, i would prefer to see him being a little less chatty and scatterbrained. i think a little of it would still make sense considering the story he’s living through, but in general he needs to be a little more tethered to his old unshakable self until it comes to the really important decisive moments. sonic isn’t an emotionless character, but he just seemed extra…. smushy..? idk this isn’t something i can articulate well ehe XP

i LOVED the parallels and flashbacks from seasons 1 and 2. where did they go??? i go crazy for a good parallel, so i say they keep happening in season 3. obviously. like of all the times to mirror the beginning, it’s the final fight???

i want to have the final battle directly and clearly parallel the fight from episode 1. this way, there can be a Moment where sonic stops to look back at his experiences and make the choice to do things the right way this time. to fix the problem he created he needs to fix his personal problem that created the problem. i want a very obvious scene where he finally finished connecting all the dots lets this lesson sink into his head.

speaking of which, let’s get back to present time and talk about the final fight.

FINAL BATTLE:

nine has all 5 shards kept far apart and protected, but still close enough for him to draw on their power. the world is decaying rapidly and he has to constantly use the shards to ward off the imminent destruction.

sidenote: at some point when nine is trying to pick off sonic, he sends the birds to search the empty space in the shatterverse. one finds shadow’s chaos emerald in the void and brings it out. shadow gets it back from the bird or whatever later. it was so weird that the void stopped being relevant and they just never got the green emerald back.

heading into the final fight, sonic is sad about nine’s betrayal, but he only gives him one chance to give up. when he and shadow confront nine, sonic tells him that the shatterverse is falling apart and no one has a home left to return to anymore. nine hesitates for a moment, he knows there is a chance that even with his enemies gone he won’t be able to stop the decay, but he refuses to give up. sonic knows what is at stake here and he takes it seriously. he doesn’t want to fight nine but he has no choice, besides, nine is hurting his friends, and that’s not acceptable.

sonic still isn’t sure what to do about the moral dilemma of wiping out the shatterverse to bring back his world. after all, wouldn’t that make him no better than nine? but right now there is an immediate threat: nine accelerating the decay of the universe by holding all the shards in one shatter space.

during the final fight (which i would also make WAYYYYY shorter) i would have him try to go for nine himself, thinking that he knows nine best, and is the most well equipped to defeat him. everyone else is on shaky ground with each other as alliances between the different groups, especially with the eggmans, haven’t been solidified. because of this lack of teamwork everyone struggles to fight off the robots nine creates.

sonic stops. he’s seen this play out before, and the stakes weren’t nearly as high. he is the throughline of the whole group so HE has to bring everyone together (“theres only one hedgehog they’ll follow into battle”). He gets everyone to understand that right now they’re on the same page, so they all formulate a plan together to keep the robots away and get the shards back one by one. sonic and shadow fight nine in person while everyone else collects the shards and brings them each to sonic and shadow, who use the power of the shards to help defeat nine. but when they remove nine’s power source, the world starts decaying really fast again. nine panics, takes the shards back and starts trying to fight off the decay, but it’s too much to fight anymore. he falls to his knees in defeat, he knows his goals were always unreachable. at first he lashes out at sonic, but then he stops and just cries.

he tells sonic how he just wanted a place to call home, even though he knew it wouldn’t be possible. sonic says that maybe it’s still possible to restore the shards to their worlds and stop the decay, shadow interjects that they need to bring back green hill, but nine says there’s no point in trying to bring back the shatter spaces. they’re beyond repair, and they were never meant to be in the first place (the others hearing this are shocked and uneasy hearing this). he was wrong to try to destroy everyone’s worlds to make one just for himself, at least sonic was trying to bring back his friends. but sonic comforts him and reassures his feelings and also apologizes for asking him to stop existing. but nine says that’s actually what he needs to do now. the only option left is to restore green hill. they’ll pour all the energy stores they have left into the kraken to get sonic and shadow back to the decaying ghost hill.

sonic tries to object, asking if nine is sure he’s ok with disappearing. nine says he won’t really stop existing, he and all his friends were always with him and always will be back in green hill. nine thanks sonic for always being his friend. here is the big brother hug moment. nonetheless, they all say goodbye (for now), and shadow and sonic head out of the grim.

RESTORING GREEN HILL:

blah blah there’s some debris and maybe they *almost don’t make it* but in the end they just barely get to the gateway in time.

sidenote: instead of shadow needing to go through weird side cracks to get through the gates, he is able to because of the instability of the prism energy not keeping him out the way it did before

shadow is almost blocked at the gateway. he’s pushing through, but the world is falling apart. sonic grabs the shards from him and tosses them into ghost hill so he can pull shadow through. shadow exclaims something about the shards and sonic says he won’t leave him behind. shadow is touched <3 (they’re holding each other desperately this whole scene and when they fall through, this is me making up for cutting the princess carry im so sorry i had to).

they get to the mountain, return the shards, and a huge blast of energy knocks them back. sonic opens his eyes and cue the regular sequence from the final episode. i liked this bit, it was such a relief to see the world put back together lol. after they fight eggman, sonic brings everyone in for a big group hug like he tried to in new yoke and says he has to go find shadow.

sonic asks shadow if he still remembers everything, and he does. sonic breathes a sigh of relief and jokes that he was worried all that friendship building effort had gone to waste, shadow gives him a (very) small laugh. he tells sonic that he may have started this by being himself, but he also fixed it by being himself. sonic whizzes around him asking if that was a compliment, and shadow says it’s just good to be back home. sonic says “it wouldn’t be the same without you. it wouldn’t be the same without ME either” to which shadow rolls his eyes and tries to hide a smile. sonic uses shadow’s shoulder as an arm rest as the two look out at the sunset. sonic says they make a pretty good team when they fight WITH each other. there’s a pause before shadow responds, “yeah.”

the next day goes on like it did in the real episode except shadow is there, and when the gang remarks on sonic’s odd demeanor they also comment on his suddenly improved relationship with shadow. the show ends like it did before with sonic about to explain but interrupted by eggman. life is back to normal, happily ever after the end.

OK THATS IT!!!! i hope whatever few people had the endurance and determination to read all of this enjoyed it, ive been writing it out for hours omgggg i could never write fanfiction i would die LMAO. i had such a clear vision of what i thought this season was going to be that i figured it wouldn’t take too much effort for me to write it all out. like i said before it’s definitely not perfect and i refuse to re read this for errors for 24 hours but i hope you enjoyed ok bye :3

[maxphilippa]

Nickel's sense of guilt and fear of change. [Character/II S3 Episode 14 Analysis, part 1/?]

Today, the longest episode of Invitational has dropped, and I have many thoughts of it as well. Might do more posts analyzing the events that ocurred as of now in canon, but I would like to talk about the heaviest part in the lore and how most people are not getting it completely (in my opinion), and that being: Nickel's current point of view of Balloon and his relationship with Suitcase and BB.

We all know that Nickel's actions hurted the Grand alliance, but what happened in the episode is that they showed how apparently, Nickel doesn't get exactly that things were completely fucked up.

In the episode, he mainly focuses on the good memories he had with BB and Suitcase, and doesn't even seem to hate Suitcase either, unlike what most people thought (me included to an extent, though I did see him being hurt mostly with their relationship and what happened in s2), but.

Nickel doesn't realize that he actually fucked up with them a lot, and that's the main issue.

Like, sure. He knows that stuff were messy at points but that's all he says. He mainly focuses on the good moments he had with them, maybe that's a product of him growing once he got eliminated and came to terms with himself that "well yeah there was a bit complicated shit but we still had fun together", but deep down he feels a sort of... guilt? Regarding Suitcase.

But even then, Balloon scolds him for trying to erase the times where Nickel made all of them feel bad. Hell! Even then Balloon recognizes that Nickel hurted Baseball deeply! And he says how Suitcase was the only one who had enough courage to stand up for her! Because hey! Nickel did use the same treatment that he used with Suitcase on Baseball! But the difference is that BaseBall kept making excuses for him!

The person who Nickel has been, alongside Baseball, "ignoring" of some sorts, has been Suitcase.

But here's the thing as well: Nickel doesn't know how to make things better again.

Nickel doesn't understand... feelings and complex emotions to put it shortly. He's afraid of change, and the way he just ignores the bad stuff that happened and tries to say that it's the only way that things can work, is... somewhat sad. Nickel doesn't understand a lot of stuff. He probably thinks that, at the end of the day, those were just little conflicts and that there was more good than bad.

But... that would mean he would also be running away from his consciousness over what Suitcase told him.

About how none of what they had was real.

He doesn't realize the damage he has done because hey. As much as you all like to think that Nickel didn't have his reasons to be a dick towards Balloon, he did. He actually did. He even mentions it in this episode, that if Balloon didn't try to manipulate everyone just as S1 started, maybe things would be different.

Nickel SAW and KNOWS Balloon's by his awful actions, and he wanted to protect BaseBall and Suitcase from him, since he thinks that Balloon CAN'T be trust-worthy after everything he did in S1.

That's why he was so aggressive as well towards Balloon. Yes, he cared for BaseBall, but he also cared for Suitcase deeply. The thing is that Suitcase was Balloon's friend, and Nickel can't bring himself to think that someone who he saw being such an awful person, could possibly be targetting someone who he cares about as well. So that's why he tried to push Balloon away for so long. He tried to keep his relationship with Suitcase and BB, he even says it in S2 when Suitcase confesses that she voted for him.

But of course, this is even more complicated. Both Nickel and Balloon fucked up, but Nickel fucked up for a longer time. Balloon was actually changing, and Nickel did only take the protective stance when this was happening. Which like, Nickel was right on that. He had his reasons to NOT trust Balloon. The problem is that he couldn't accept that Balloon was changing, and that he wasn't realizing that his actions were hurting both BB and Suitcase.

What I think that people don't get, or what hurts me the most, is the fact that Nickel is in denial. But it's merely the fact that when he hears Suitcase's voice, he doesn't get angry or mad, or even panics, no.

He's just... shocked.

What are you supposed to tell someone who went through hell, thanks to you, even if you tried to protect her from whom you thought was bad? What are you supposed to tell the friend who you tried to protect and instead hurted them in awful ways?

What are you even supposed to do in that situation?

It's not only that, but the fact that he didn't even think twice when walking towards her, didn't even question if she was truly Suitcase. Like, he immediately went on and tried to explain himself to her-

He completely forgot about everything because he wanted to talk to her and, I do think that he feels guilty for what he did, but he can't put it to words/can't understand it completely after all- but his first instict after seeing Suitcase is to talk to her about it.

He wants to explain himself to her- maybe even apologize, but he doesn't know how.

The thing is that Nickel is smart. With logical stuff, not feelings, according to Adam himself. And that fucks it all up for him.

Nickel can't handle change.

Suitcase can understand change.

Balloon is always changing.

And BaseBall can't keep up with it.

And that shows it here.

Nickel is a complicated character. Guilt is eating him constantly but he lacks emotional intelligence. He can accept that stuff went wrong, but seem doesn't understand what or why they did go wrong.

He regrets what he did to Suitcase most likely judging from his behaviour the mere second he saw her, but he can't tell why exactly. Same thing as Nickel probably realizing that he keeps on messing up the more he clings into that mentality. He tries to move on from the past, but he can't. He even says it. There's no way to make things feel better as of now, so that's why he pretends.

But there is a way.

He just... needs to talk it out with Suitcase and Balloon.

That being said, thank you for reading this.

[ladyluscinia]

I think they were so worried about not getting a season 3 they ruined both the viewers expecting one and the viewers who would've liked it to end there. they've created an easily destroyable status quo because of course something needs to happen to get everyone back together for season 3. so it's not even a happy ending; it's so fragile, it's designed to fall apart the second that anyone learns that the show is back on. i get not wanting to bank on having a third season and wrapping it up but like. Galavant did that and did it better. WITH THE HEROES RETIRING AND THE TWO MINUTE MARRIAGE CEREMONY TO BOOT. But it gave an outline of where the plot might go from there and how the adventure will continue if it gets to. And it never got to, and season 2's ending is good because it's not /fragile/--it's not a cliffhanger, but you get the idea that they could keep going from there still. whereas this one didn't want to be a cliffhanger so much that they created the most breakable new status quo in history and if there is a season 3 it'll immediately be undone and I'll probably still watch it but like I'll /know/, y'know? They could fix everything in the first episode of season 3 and I'd still have to know that at one point, this was considered an acceptable outcome.

The thing that is driving me absolutely insane is they DID NOT HAVE TO DO THIS!

There's so many people looking at it like "well it's a shame that 2x08 clearly had to cram several episodes into one for budget reasons and it made the development weaker but that's the situation MAX put them in" and I cannot emphasize enough how much that is not true.

MAX did not break it to them after episodes 2x01 - 2x07 were written and half filmed that they would have to wrap up the whole plot in 30 minutes. Like absolute worst case scenario they had 10 eps mostly written and budget came back 20% over and they had to reduce to 8 total. More likely they knew they were getting 8 from the start.

It is absolutely nobody's fuck up except David Jenkins and his writers' room if they were unrealistic about what character beats were needed and would fit in the timeframe to reach a satisfying wrap up.

Worries about no S3 were on the table the moment it took until JUNE to get confirmation of S2. This wasn't sprung on them. If they wanted their story to have a "just in case" happy ending and then a "fully realized arc" happy ending, they should have fucking acted like it???

I was shocked when the first three episodes that dropped were so hardcore on destroying Edward's relationships and laying bare exactly how deep his issues went. It only made sense to me if they were going all in on getting a S3 and prepared to spend all of S2 focused on the implications of all that, and then the not-even two week in-universe timeline of the season reinforced my understanding that was happening.

"Shame we don't have time for our main couple to even start addressing their relationship or having moments of self-realization and sharing their issues," says guy who decided to make the first half of S2 about adding more problems on top of well established ones from S1 and the second half of S2 about throwing in a second breakup cycle instead of dealing with the fallout from the first.

Want Edward to end on a beat of feeling part of the found family? Well maybe adding a timeskip after 2x05 and then a crew chat in 2x06 where you make it clear he did an apology tour offscreen could help, but you also could have just not focused hard on him poisoning his relationship with every single one of them in the first place???

There's multiple different ways you can do Act 2 of a three act structure, and they did not have to choose one that ends on another dark cliffhanger beat or right at the open ended turning point toward growth? Like they didn't even do the one they picked in a way they could fit in their season. I feel like by the end of a struggles Act 2 both your protagonists need to have self-realized their issues and maybe had one conversation about it? Edward still wasn't talking about his guilt, and Stede wasn't talking about anything.

They aren't even at the turning point of growth and out of the backsliding / lessons learned era yet, that's why potential S3 will start on another backslide when status quo breaks and Stede starts "that's nice, dear"-ing Edward during the day and slipping out at night to vicariously listen to pirate stories or whatever (and they frame it like he's cheating).

We have two out of three seasons in a show that might only get two, and I feel like the characters have barely moved from their starting position.

Like idk maybe they are really good at coming up with character flaws - ex: Stede is repressed and bottles up his traumas until he mentally checks out / runs away - and just drawing blanks on how to believably "fix" them, but just going "well what if we just used this flaw to throw another miscommunication roadblock in their relationship?" is not getting them where they want to be.

The season was fundamentally designed against their stated goal and did not make what seem to be necessary writing concessions to the reduced screentime if they wanted their finale to land as an even plausibly happy ending. It's hollow.

And possibly not even salvageable in S3 since they aren't demonstrating the skills to salvage it.

[erule]

Ghost from your past | jj maybank

Pairing: JJ Maybank x fem!reader

Summary: you were in a relationship with JJ before something very huge happened, but you don’t remember anything. When you come back after a while, you fall in love with him again.

Warnings: memory loss trope, mention of a car accident and injuries, mention of people being half naked but they’re not ever really naked, fluff, angst, sexual tension (no smut/implied smut)

Word count: 4.5K

A/N: hi! I just finished s3 and I needed to write something about JJ. And let me tell you, that after a lot of months of being away, it felt good! Hope you like it. Enjoy! x

It's the longing. It's the constant thinking about her that hurts you. It's that feeling of envy you get when you watch John B kiss Sarah and feel ashamed, because you should be happy for your best friend. It's the desire to go back to when it was just you, her and John B lying on your sofa, the one on the porch, on summer evenings when your father was at the pub and they kept you company. You pointed to a star and said it had a certain name, then Y/N asked if it was true and John B laughed because he knew you were lying, even if with conviction. Then, in that little space between John B falling asleep and your father staggering up the street from the pub, you could play a bit of a jerk with her. Now you regret it: you could have kissed her, instead of always talking. What's the point of telling yourself that you have certain feelings, if you don't even have the time to show them? Many things had happened in one year and now you seem to have forgotten them all, one by one. They were clouded by your head, so you don't have to go over them, always one by one.

It's the longing. It's in the stare you give to some random girls on the street, the ones that look like her. But they're never her. Not because they're different people, just because they can't be her. Her parents made her leave. You don't blame them, they took the right decision for her. Getting her away from this place was probably the best thing to do after what happened. Snatching it right out of your hands, somehow causing you to bleed out, that was the worst part, but again, you're adamant that they did it right. If you had enough money, you probably would have left too. Indeed, for sure. You would have brought John B with you to look for her. Sure, maybe the others too, since after all they had known her. Sarah would have liked her too, especially since she too had abandoned the comfortable Kook life to be with you. She had tried to get you into hers, but you just couldn't live with her, with her parents, to wear those clean and elegant clothes. She was part of you, but those clothes didn't belong to your personality. So she shook her head that day, gave you a curled-lip smile and said, "You're such an idiot, JJ Maybank, to give up this rich life just for your stupid morals". Then you shrugged your shoulders, took her in your arms and answered her: "What can I say? I'm a romantic, I love danger too much to be able to live without it". And she had laughed. Nothing had made sense since that laugh. You realized that living without her wasn't an option anymore, so you gave in, after years of you and her hanging around, after she made her feelings for you clear, after you yelled at her that you weren't a someone you could build something with because you only knew how to destroy everything you touched. You kissed her. You fell into her web or maybe you just gave in to your own feelings.

And then, well, sure, you're not wrong, are you, JJ? You had destroyed the only beautiful thing that life had wanted to give you.

You pass in front of her house as always. Usually her parents have dinner in the kitchen and you see the lights on, but tonight it's all off. You don't pay too much attention to it, because it has happened on other days for some special occasion, like her mother's birthday or their anniversary. You wonder if she still hears from them, wherever she is. Wherever you would like to be too.

You walk down the street with your hands buried in your pockets, staring at your dusty, time-worn shoes. Since today would be her birthday, you've decided to wear the good clothes, the ones her family gave you. Your family who, incidentally, have always subtly hated you, but you only came to know about it at the end. “Last Day” isn't the last day you saw her, as you spied her getting on the plane as she left, but it's the one you spoke to her parents about the last time. Instinctively, your fingers touch the ring you wear around your neck, hanging from a silver chain that she gave you. Sometimes you wish you could afford to buy that plane ticket just so you could see her, even if it would hurt your heart.

When you arrive at the beach bonfire, you immediately notice John B and Pope chatting with a couple of red glasses in their hands. Sarah and Kiara are probably refilling their glasses somewhere, but you can't see them around. You raise a hand in greeting, then approach them. A little further are Rafe and Topper with their other Kook friends staying laughing and joking amiably, but to you they just look despicable as usual.

“JJ!” A voice behind you calls you. You turn around and see Kiara greeting you, Sarah next to her and another girl next to her who threatens to run into you.

"Damn, sorry!" She says to you, risking to slip, but you hold her by offering her your arms to hold on, while the content that was just before her in her glass soils your shirt.

You think her voice sounded strangely familiar, while in a room of your mind you're screaming because she ruined your new clothes. You're about to tell her, just to be polite, that you don't mind, especially since she's friends with Kiara and Sarah, but your voice dies in your throat when you look up. She's still staring at your chest, you don't know why, but you're looking at her.

It's not possible. You tell yourself it's not possible at all, because it's a small island and there are at least three people having a birthday today, not just her, but the party must be for her. So why didn't the others tell you? Why did John B arrange for you to meet her, unprepared? You repeat to yourself that it's not possible, because she was studying elsewhere, she was no longer part of this place, this place that stole everything from her: you, her memory, almost her life. Oh no, it hurts too much to look into her eyes right now, as she smiles at you and says something you don't understand, while she doesn't even recognize you. Maybe this hurts you more than anything else.

"What is your name? Come by my house later, I'll wash your clothes. I'm so sorry, really! I'm Y/N, the birthday girl,” she says, her words bursting out of her mouth and confusing you even more.

John B comes up beside you quickly, he puts a hand on your shoulder and tells Y/N your name is JJ. Your name is JJ and you're still in love with her: these are the only certainties you have.

“Are you sure you haven't met before? Did you fight? JJ looks like he just saw a ghost!” Sarah jokes, but Kiara's shocked expression supports her thesis. "Y/N, you told me you didn't even know who it was".

"But it is so! I don't know any of you guys, sorry. I went to school with Topper and Rafe. And then I would remember a guy like that,” Y/N lets slip.

"As well as?" John B asks, grinning.

Y/N swallows, embarrassed.

"Well, cute".

At that point, something inside you awakens and you wear the careless mask on your face again. You kiss the back of her hand, then wink.

“Nice to meet you, Y/N. You've already risked falling at my feet, I'd say you've been clear about your feelings for me,” you joke, but those words are like a stab in the center of your chest.

She raises an eyebrow, but she's smiling.

“Cheeky and likable – a great combination, I would say”.

“Y/N, there you are! Stop wasting time with these Pogues and come talk to us again,” Rafe says, putting his arm around your shoulders and you begin to feel a flame leap from within.

“Isn't it among the duties of a birthday girl to talk to all the guests? It would be rude to leave now,” you say and Rafe glares at you.

“He's right,” Kiara snaps in quickly and Pope, who has just arrived, nods, even though he probably doesn't even know what you're talking about.

“See you later, Rafe,” you say then, walking with the others.

You stay behind with Kiara and Sarah to ask them how they met her, but John B yanks you through another door.

“JJ, I didn't know she was back, I swear!” He whispers and you sigh.

"Yeah, well, me neither! I nearly had a heart attack when I saw her".

“I noticed,” John B. chuckles. “What are you going to do now?”

“I won't tell her anything, John B. Hopefully, she'll be alone for the summer and then she'll be back where she came from. Trust me, it's better for her to know nothing".

“JJ, you're my best friend and I'm tired of watching you suffer. I think she would like to know that you were her boyfriend."

“I screwed her up with one of my usual stupid plans. I don't think she would want to know that, instead,” you retort. John B sighs.

"As you like".

You all gather near a rock, a few meters from the sea, managing to hear the roar of the waves loud and clear in your ears. You used to love hearing Y/N's voice, but then you forgot it and now you can't even remember what timbre it had.

“What is that thing she has around his neck?” You hear her ask Kiara and she laughs.

“That necklace? It's a gift from his ex, an older girl he was with a while ago."

"Really? JJ, you never told me about this!” Sarah exclaims. "I wish I'd known her."

You give her a perfunctory smile as you pretend to accidentally slip your elbow in the ribs of John B, who is laughing.

“John B always says he looks like a widower because of that ring around his neck,” adds Pope.

“John B is not nice at all, I don't even know why I'm friends with him,” you say, narrowing your eyes. "Anyway, we were together for a year, then it ended badly and now I've been single for a year."

“Would you like to apply?” John B asks and you glare at him.

“I don't think I've started off on the right foot,” Y/N says, nodding at your clothes.

“Oh, these? Forget it, I don't need it anyway,” you say and start undoing the buttons of your shirt.

“JJ, what are you doing?” Kiara asks, surprised.

“I'm going to take a bath,” you answer simply. You take off your shoes, then your pants and finally your shirt. The necklace stays with you, though: you never leave that one. It would be like leaving her.

You throw yourself into the sea and you finally feel free. The others follow suit, even Y/N. Once upon a time you would have hugged her and said: "Don't worry, I'll protect you from sea urchins" and she would have laughed, so you could have filled your ears with her laughter, but now you're not allowed to.

You still remember the escalators, when you went down them in reverse as you watched her approach the airport gate. You stopped on a step and climbed it until you were out of sight of her, hoping you never hit the ground. But then you got there on land and you had to let her go. John B told you you shouldn't have made that sacrifice, but you thought you'd do anything for her.

“Come to my house, later,” you hear her voice in your ear and shivers run up your back, even run down your spine. You turn around, a little intrigued and a little confused. “It's not a date, I just want to wash your clothes that I soiled you. My parents are still at the restaurant where we celebrated my birthday. I'll clean it up for you and then you go home, I promise,” she smiles at you and for a moment her gaze is so genuine you think she recognizes you, but a moment after you say yes, she's already walking up to Sarah.

You would have liked a different ending, it's true, but even just seeing her again makes you recover some oxygen and you're too selfish to be able to give up on her again.

“What did she tell you?” John B asks you.

“You know John B, curiosity killed the cat,” you say, before jokingly shoving him head underwater, ears muffled and a lump in his throat. If he knew you felt like this all the time since she's been gone, maybe he'd help but tease you so much, even though you know he does it because he loves you.

You enter Y/N's house barefoot, your shirt undone around your waist and your sand-stained shoes in your hands. You are fearful, because Y/N's parents weren't very kind to you last time, indeed not at all, and it scares you to enter here, as if you could see them jumping on you from the walls at any moment. You look around warily, noting that this house has remained the same since you left, giving up everything. A part he still curses himself for it, but it was for the best given what happened next. What probably would have happened anyway.

You get to the bathroom, start undressing again, but seeing Y/N turn around to give you your space makes you laugh heartily.

“You just saw me half naked, there's nothing you haven't seen by now,” you say and Y/N shakes a hand, still turned, as if to say no, he won't turn.

“It's not the same: before it was like you were in a swimsuit, now you would be in underwear. I don't want to be inappropriate."

“Y/N, only your integrity is inappropriate here. You can also look at me,” you say.

Look at me, always look at me.

“There are some of my father's clothes on the washing machine, put them on; then when you're done you tell me and I start the washing machine. I'm going to go change for a while too,” Y/N replies, heading into her room.

She changes you quickly, always afraid that her parents will come and find you half naked with their daughter, then put your clothes in the washing machine. You leave the bathroom, walk down the corridor and stop in front of her half-closed door. You start to knock, just to let her know you've changed, but you stop when you see her trying to undo the dress by herself through the looking glass. You would like to help her, but you freeze on the spot: you didn't know how much you missed being able to touch her until now, as if it were a primordial need you forgot about and which has only now surfaced. You swallow a ton of saliva while you see her undo the zipper, then you turn abruptly: it would be inappropriate to look at her now and you giggle thinking about the words she used just now.

Y/N comes out of the room in pajamas a minute later and smiles to see her father's clothes fit loose on you. She then throws her clothes into the washing machine and starts it off.

“Are you sure we have enough time before your parents get back?”

“No, but just in case you'll hide in the closet,” she replies.

"You're joking, aren't you?"

She bites her lip, a gleam of amusement in her eyes.

"Maybe not".

But you don't have to lock yourself in the closet at the end, because the two hours pass quietly and smoothly. You chatted with her like in the old days, savoring every word, every minute together, every time you could touch her hand or shoulder without apologizing.

You change quickly, again, then greet her at the back door, lest her parents might see you through the front door. You look at her thinking that you still have at least three months to be next to her, which is still more than you ever thought you could, but it seems to have wasted too much time already.

“Hey, JJ,” she says and you turn to face her.

"Yes?"

“Your face has looked familiar to me all evening. Are you sure we've never seen each other before?"

You swallow slowly, pondering whether it might not be better to confess the whole truth at this point, but then you pull back again.

"No. Trust me, I would remember you".

She smiles at you, head cocked to one side.

"Careful, your girlfriend might be jealous".

You slowly approach her, who remains motionless staring at you, almost frightened, so you raise your palms in surrender. You see her shoulders relax, then you leave a kiss on her cheek, her lips lingering on her skin that still tastes like salt.

"Then we might as well give her something to really be jealous about, don't you think?" You tell her with a grin, then say goodbye for real and walk away.

***

It's been two months. You've laughed with her, joked with her, talked to her, but she still doesn't seem to remember anything about you. Doctors said it could happen, but her memory has not returned. At this point, according to John B, it is better to create new memories and you agree. It would be so much better if she didn't come back to her house in a month and even better if you weren't aware that her parents hate you, but that's okay, she's here, so everything looks better anyway. Her parents know she's seeing you again, you saw their contemptuous looks at the door when you picked her up the other night, but they haven't said anything. But you know it, oh if you know it! You know they would like to see you disappear from her life forever. If only you weren't so in love with her, you already would have.

“JJ, hey, what are you thinking about?” She asks you and you come back to reality.

“The fact that the Big Dipper is clearly visible in the sky tonight,” you lie and she immediately looks at the place your finger is pointing.

"But you are sure? I do not see it!" She exclaims and you laugh. "You're a liar!"

She jostles you playfully, so you hug her and keep laughing until you notice her father looking at you from the window. You immediately move away from her, your hands in your pockets and your eyes fixed on your shoes. She notices your sudden change right away and turns to see her father staring at you.

“JJ…”

"No, don't tell him anything, it's fine."

“No, that's not good! We weren't doing anything wrong,” you retort. "Besides, I don't understand why you always defend them."

You can't tell her. You can't tell her about how they threatened you during "The Last Day", you can't tell her about the flowers you had to throw away running down the stairs, you can't tell her that when you think about it, your left cheekbone still hurts, what it was hurt against the window of the Twinkie when you braked hard. You can't do this to her.

"They…"

“If you feed me one more of your lies, JJ, I swear I…”

“Y/N, come home,” your father says, at the doorway.

She looks at you as if she's begging you to fight, to tell her she has to stay with you, but you remain silent. And yet, a part of you is happy, because she finally recognizes that look in your eyes, the look of longing, as if it were a mirror of yours.

Maybe there is still hope and you think about this as you walk away.

You're mentally going over your shopping list as you fill the inflatable pool with water when Y/N arrives. She's carrying a blanket, a couple of bags and she’s wearing a bathing suit.

"What are you doing here?" you ask her. "Did we have a date, by any chance?"

“First you flirt with me,” she begins, leaving the blanket on the floor, “then you defend my parents,” she continues, leaving everything else too, “and in the end you think you can get away with disappearing for a whole day? No, now we're going to settle this once and for all".

You raise an eyebrow as you reach over to open the envelopes: a few beers, some water, plenty of food, and a couple of shirts his father's size. She practically did the shopping for you!

“Did you rob a supermarket, by any chance?”

“No, just my house. I want to help you, JJ. I know things are bad for you and you live alone, Sarah told me. It's not true that your father works abroad: he's gone,” you say. You look at her with sadness mixed with anger, because you know that now he will start feeling pity for you, new ones and it was the last thing you wanted. “I'm really sorry and I don't want you to feel embarrassed about me, but I can't help but help you if I can. I would do it with anyone, you know."

“What did you want to talk to me about?” You ask, changing the subject. She notices it, but she doesn't flinch.

Grab a beer, then enter the small pool and she does the same shortly after. She stares intently into your eyes, as if she’s deciding how to introduce the topic.

“You're burning my retinas, Y/N. What is happening?"

Y/N blows the air out, then puts the beer on the grass.

“I never asked you anything, JJ, because it didn't feel right. Before we weren't even friends, then the line got thinner and thinner and my mind got clouded, because my feelings for you have changed. I would like to understand what we are, but I don't want to scare you, although maybe now I have, because I'm a person who talks too much,” she says, ruffling her hair. "Sorry, I just wanted to ask what happened with that girl, because every time I lean in to kiss you, it seems to me that you're thinking about her".

For a moment, her words catch you off guard, then you compose yourself. If she noticed it in two months, maybe everyone else noticed it in a year too. Maybe even her parents.

"When did you try to kiss me?" You ask, throat dry and voice hoarse.

"You really never noticed?" She asks, chuckling. “Every time I've gotten this close to you,” she replies, walking the short distance to you in the pool where she's practically on her knees due to how small it is. Her lips seem to exhale the last breath that chokes in the middle of her throat, while her nose brushes yours. Your heart is beating like a pneumatic hammer in your chest, it seems to you that your ribcage could burst at any moment, while her hand goes up your arm, up to your neck, up to your jaw, cheek, chin. Every fiber of your body cries out for just one kiss to die in from her, but she doesn't touch you, not where you want to.

“What are we doing?” You ask, but your voice begs her to cancel that distance, to surrender to you, so you can avoid saying that it's all your fault, for once.

“You tell me,” she replies. “I do what you want”.

You swallow, tense.

“Oh, to Hell with it!” You exclaim and drag her with you to Hell.

You kiss her passionately, your hands all over her body, but then stop on the back of her neck, as you deepen your knowledge of her, as if you didn't know who she was, as if you didn't know that seeing her leave broke your heart and that it he'll do it again, even if he doesn't want to, as if I don't know every inch of his body or soul. It's a fire that's finally burning inside you now, after keeping it at bay for far too long.

And then you hug her. You hold her close to you, her lips pressed into the crook of her neck and you feel her trembling in your arms. You only realize you're strangely wet on her shoulder when she lets out a sob.

“What happened to me?” She asks you and it's like taking a cold shower in the middle of winter.

“So you know,” you say, but yours seems more like a question.

“You have a scar on your cheekbone. Sarah told me you got it while falling and I would have believed it, except I have one too, on her forearm, but I don't remember how I got it,” she confesses. You shake your head, as if begging her not to ask you to do this, not to ask you to hurt her on purpose. But she continues: “I'm the older girl, aren't I JJ? I have the ring in the jewelry box in my room. My parents won't tell me the truth, but I need to know: why did we break up? Did we have an accident? What happened?"

You sigh, then stroke her arm. You don't want to tell her the truth, but you have to: now it's time to know.

“We had an accident. I was driving the Twinkie and you were sitting next to me. We ended up in the hospital, you woke up after me. I was bringing you flowers for your awakening, but your parents intercepted me before I could enter your room, before you even actually opened your eyes. Your mother told me to get out of your life,” you say and see her contrite expression on her face. “So when the doctors said you didn't remember anything from senior year, I jumped at the chance and ran. But they were right, Y/N, I had to leave you alone. I wanted to do it now too, but I was selfish. But I promise you that when you get back there, I won't..."

“I'm not going back there,” she cuts you off abruptly, with pride in her eyes. "JJ, I remember you."

You shake your head, confused.

"What?"

“Memories came back a while ago, but I needed to know about my parents, so I didn't tell you anything. I’m sorry. I remembered everything when you said you saw the Big Dipper,” he says, smiling.

You run a hand over his face, not even knowing what to feel. You should be relieved, yet you feel scared.

“What will happen now?” You ask.

She takes your necklace in her hands, playing with the ring.

“You're no longer a widower, JJ,” she says and you smile at her, feeling her throat choke with her tears.

"And your parents?"

“They'll get over it. Besides, what can I do if I fell at your feet?”

You burst out laughing, then you kissed her again.

“Do you remember what you told me the day of the accident?” She asks you.

“That I loved you,” you reply and she nods.

“This memory I can see as clearly as I see you now. It's not over until it's over."

You stroke her cheek, then hug her again, happy in the knowledge that it's not the last time this time.

[bugsbenefit]

seeing a "Mike is completely oblivious to his feelings and doesn't know he's in love with Will" take float on my dash from the wild and... i'm sorry i hate this interpretations so much. everyone can see things differently, but Mike having no clue of his own feelings makes absolutely no sense with what we see on screen to me. none

if this is ranty ignore little old me, i just need to complain today lmao

not only does Mike pause to look at Will's lips multiple times, which you could maybe argue he just doesn't realize anymore (doubtful since it's not something he's always done, it only started in s3 which is less than a full year away from s4 canonically)

there's also the whole fact that nothing else of his s4 conflict would make sense anymore. if Mike didn't know he didn't love El, what was he worried about telling her then, that she wouldn't like the truth of? it can't be that he loves her because he knows she would like that. Mike has to consciously be aware of something he knows he should tell El, but can't, because he's scared of how she'll take it

the same also goes for the sbp scene where Mike looks back at Will, shocked or conflicted, because Will is pushing him to confess to El. the initial shock would be inappropriate if Mike was already planning to tell El he loved her anyways and had no idea he actually loved Will

it also means that Mike didn't intentionally lie during the monologue with is almost more egregious because we saw Mike talk to the other's about sending El to Pennhurst with 0 concerns. he didn't know El overheard that so it might be something he thinks El could believe. but he himself would remember that he didn't "fall in love with her that moment", saying otherwise just makes Mike look like the dumbest, most unaware character in the whole show by far. not even just the show, it would probably make him one of the most oblivious characters out of Any show i can think of right now actually

it would also make no sense why we're completely barred from Mike's inner feelings during the monologue. if Mike genuinely believed what he was saying we'd be allowed to know his thoughts, since they wouldn't spoil anything yet. but alas, not only does Finn keep his lips sealed, even the rough drafts from three years ago skip over his internal feelings or thoughts completely which is extremely unusual for an emotional monologue of this importance and magnitude

everything else aside, the idea that Mike would just. not realize. he's queer and in love with his best friend is kind of bizarre to me. it really plays into the fanon version of Mike who is inhumanly oblivious and stupid. because canon Mike is actually not that bad with feelings, he can articulate himself if he wants to and he can pick up on and explain complex emotions he himself feels all the way back in s1. saying that Mike is genuinely too oblivious to realize his feelings isn't at all in line with his canon characterization

and besides it not making sense for his character. it's also a nonsensical choice from a writers perspective. if Mike would genuinely be unaware of his feelings for Will and his queerness; Byler would be rushed. i'm excited for Byler as much as the next person but this would be a horrible way to go about it. because s5 would then need to include:

Mike realizing he's not in love with El

Mike realizing he's queer

Mike dealing with the consequences of being queer in the 80s/coming to terms with said queerness to the point he feels comfortable acting on it

Mike realizing he's in love with Will

Mike and El finally breaking up

Mike and Will confessing to each other and getting together

that is an absurd amount of things to cram into a single seasons and essentially a character 180 in 8ish episodes. and all these points also need space and time to breathe to sit well with the audience. having Mike realize he's not in love with El and realize he's in love with Will would need a significant pause in between to feel good for the audience, but there's only so much time left. that will feel rushed no matter how well you write it. if they just revealed Mike being queer and in love with Will to the audience while having him already be aware of it we'd skip steps 1-4 on this list. the audience getting new information and recontextualizing things that already happened takes significantly less time than having a character go through the realizations first hand since that takes more development time

at this point, there's no way to write Mike realizing he's queer from scratch well with only one season left. there just isn't. especially with the amount of plot we need to cover in s5, the action, and all the other characters that need solid endings. opening a whole new can of worms for Mike is counterproductive. last seasons close character arcs, they don't kick new one's up that would take forever to properly flesh out

the thing that just really bothers me about this whole, "Mike doesn't know yet, he's oblivious" narrative, besides making little sense from a writer's pov and directly contradicting his canon character. is also that most takes just read extremely belittling. because a lot of people who say this seem to be aware that there won't be time to properly explore Mike's character or feelings like this. and they're fine with it because Mike will just be "Will's boyfriend", and only Will needs to come to terms with his queerness, Mike doesn't need an arc. and it's weird. the idea that Mike will have his whole queer realization in s5 hinges on the fact that Mike's character isn't important enough to get a fully fleshed out arc/time to naturally move from point A to point B, and that he'll just go from one relationship to the next with no problems

[queen-haq]

Fic: Never You (Penelope x Colin) - Part 3

Fandom: Bridgerton (TV show)

Spoilers: S3 released scenes.

Summary: They may have been friends once but his callous words decimated their relationship. Determined not to have anything to do with him, Penelope is ready to move on. But Colin isn’t giving up, not at all. Friends or not, they are connected for life - and he intends to remind her of that.

Excerpt:

“You would hate me for not wanting to court you. You would be that selfish?”

“Of course you would think that.”

“What else is this if not punishment?”

Masterlist (contains links to Part 1 and my other stories)

Penelope had always dreamt that her first kiss with Colin would be sweet and romantic, exhibiting the care and tenderness that existed between them. Passion never entered her mind, and when she daydreamed about being married to him, not much thought was spent on the act of making love. Instead she imagined reading to him, walking with him, enjoying food and laughter, and living a life of shared contentment – very different from the marriage between her own mother and father. After overhearing Colin the night of her mama’s ball, she desperately wanted those fantasies to stop. Yet they lingered and she didn’t understand why. Maybe it’s because he was so deeply entrenched in her soul that she couldn’t imagine a future without him, maybe those dreams just brought her comfort when too many things had changed otherwise, but either way they didn’t stop. And so she started writing as a way to distract herself from her thoughts, not scandal sheets but rather a novel about unrequited love. It was halfway complete before her mama made the decision to send her to the country to stay with one of their cousins. Portia Featherington hoped the change in air would mean Penelope would stop moping and hopefully lose some weight. Penelope had her own reasons for agreeing. She wanted distance from Eloise and reminders of Colin, and hoped discovering a new place would give her respite from the pain. The last few months at Ayleshire had provided that and so much more; it was there she had met Arthur Debling and had her eyes opened to a world she never knew existed before. And it was because of him that she was now aware of desire and passion, and that it could exist without love.

Because Colin didn’t love her, but the moment his lips touched hers they were both wrecked. All thoughts ceased to exist, all she could do was feel and experience sensations she had never imagined. He devoured her with his mouth, his tongue stroking hers with raw urgency. And she kissed him back with equal fervor, standing on her toes, clinging to him desperately.

Whilst her gloved hands fisted his hair, aching to run her bare fingers through his soft, beautiful curls, his roved everywhere on her body. One second he was cupping her breasts, the next his hands were grasping her bottom, roaming over the length of her frantically. He was a man caught up in madness, fully determined to possess her.

Everything was moving fast, too fast, her body aroused, mind spinning. Desperately needing some air to compose herself, she dragged her mouth away from his. But he didn’t stop, no, his mouth drifted to her ear, his ragged breaths echoing in her mind as his tongue traced the curve of the shell, making her tremble in his arms. And then his tongue stroked the oh-so-sensitive spot just below which instantly made her knees buckle. But he held her tight, his grip fierce and strong as he maneuvered her back against the wall of the maze, refusing to give her any respite from the ecstasy he unleashed upon her.  

No one had ever admired her breasts before. It hadn’t even occurred to her that it would be something anyone would want to do, but seeing the glazed look on Colin’s face as he stared at them longingly, touching her with reverence, before angling down to pepper hot, wet kisses on her bosom made her realize how much she still didn’t know about physical arousal. Like how good it felt to have his face sink into her breasts, the sensation of his tongue and teeth on her skin, electrifying every nerve in her body. She moaned, feeling that deep yearning between her legs. “Colin, more…”

Frantically he tried to scoop her breasts out of the bodice but the corset underneath proved too tight.  “This damn thing,” he bit out with frustration before yanking down the sleeves of her dress. The force with which he pulled not only ripped the lace from the sleeve but also tore the side of her bodice.

It was at that moment Penelope rushed back to reality, feeling exposed in front of him. Quickly she covered herself with her arms.

The shift in the air was palpable, fraught with tension.

Hesitant, her breath came out in shallow spurts as she finally dared to glance up at him. Colin was no longer looking at her like a man possessed. Instead there was panic in his eyes, his face taking on a horrified expression.

“Pen…” His eyes swept over her chest. “I’m so sorry. I…” He jumped back, realizing he was entirely too close. Like he could no longer bear to touch her. “I don’t know what came over me.” Guilt flooded his expression. He couldn’t even seem to hold her gaze and averted his eyes. “I took liberties I shouldn’t have.”

Her stomach was coiled into knots, mind still reeling from what occurred. “It’s fine. It’s over. We both acted foolishly.”

“You deserve a husband who values you.” He cast her furtive glances, running his fingers through his hair. “Someone who cares for you and cherishes you. Someone who can truly love you.”

Because he couldn’t.

There was no denying that his words wounded her, but not being good enough for him also didn’t bring with it the searing pain and shame it once did. Now there was no agonizing heartbreak, just a dull ache in her soul which she could manage with little effort.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.” His eyes still lingered along her ripped bodice. “I acted like a savage.”

“It’s done with,” she replied, irritated. “I would just like to go home and put this night behind me.”

“Your first kiss is supposed to be special, a magical moment, and I ruined that for you.”

“You didn’t,” she interjected. “Tonight was not my first kiss. So you don’t need to fret.”

The change in him was abrupt. One second he was burdened with remorse, next he was staring back at her with fire in his eyes, a simmering rage that appeared to dissipate all of his trepidation from before. “Who did you kiss, Penelope?”

Penelope, not Pen. He rarely ever used her given name, not unless he was upset. And spotting the angry glint in his eyes, the tightening of his jaw, it was clear that he was – which made her own temper rise. “How is that your concern?”

He took a step towards her, his eyebrow cocked. “Answer me.”

“I will not!” She glared up at him defiantly. “You are in no position to demand anything from me, Colin.”

The madness that took over him when he was kissing her seemed to return with a vengeance as he closed the distance between them. His demeanor was agitated, his troubled eyes piercing right through to her core. “Was it him? Your mysterious suitor?”

“Why does it matter to you? You don’t even believe he exists!”  

“He’s taken advantage of you, hasn’t he? What has he done?”

She should have walked away, perhaps even tried to calm his distressed self for the sake of their friendship - but his entitlement and refusal to believe someone would actually want her still had her infuriated at him. Outraged, she started provoking him instead. “Nothing I did not desire for him to do.”

His eyes darkened to an almost pitch-black under the moonlight. “Is that so?”

“Yes,” she huffed back. “And that is all I wish to say to you. Good night, Sir!”

When she attempted to walk past him, he blocked her path. “Who is he?” Danger laced his voice. “I demand you tell me now, Pen.”

“And I demand you go to hell!” she spat out.

“Did you kiss him the way you kissed me?” His arm snaked around her waist, crushing her against his chest. “Did you let him touch you?”

What was happening between them? She didn’t understand it. He’d never behaved like this before, a complete contrast to the boy she fell in love with. Yet his predatory wildness didn’t scare her, instead sending thrills down her spine.

“Did he kiss your breasts, Penelope? Did you undress for him and let him see you naked?”

“And what if I did?” she retaliated. “Why do you care?”

“You do not belong to him!”

“But I will. Soon.. And then I will be loved and cherished and happy and there’s nothing you can do to stop it.”

“You think I would just let you walk out of my life, Pen?” He shook his head ‘no’, his eyes gleaming with emotion. “I will never let you go.”

It was all too much, she could no longer bear it. His close proximity, his intoxicating words – it all wreaked havoc with her thoughts. Worst of all, he was giving her false hope and that was something she couldn’t afford to have. “Release me, Colin!”

“I will not.”

“Colin! Unhand her now!”

It was the sound of Anthony’s voice that finally made Colin loosen his grip on her waist. Immediately she distanced herself from him, a heated blush creeping across her cheeks at being caught by the Viscount. Anthony wasn’t alone, next to him was his wife, Kate, who was staring at Penelope with concern.

To be continued...

[raayllum]

i'm literally sitting here trying to figure out what EVEN i can SAY about aspec rayllum here? i think about them and i want to combust into heart emojis. i watched the first season when it first came out and then only happened to catch up last year with my qpp, and in between i was like. so infuriated when i found out they'd made rayla and callum a thing bc i - naturally - latched onto the green and purple character as an aroace icon at 18 years old, and my partner was like "no no no no TRUST me you've got to watch it, you'll love it"

they weren't wrong and after bingeing the whole show i'm stuck thinking about rayllum a LOT. they're written so much like my own ideal relationship that i kind of want to explode from it sometimes. anyway, my absolute favorite thing about them is how much emphasis there is about their friendship - to the point that when i watched season four, I can't remember which episode specifically it was number wise but when rayla suggested splitting up and offered to go with callum and he turns her down, my first immediate heartbroken thought was "she misses her best friend..." i just love how they're in love but they're in love cos they're best friends....11/10 no notes i need more relationships like that in media

ANYWAY long rambley ask about my loves aside, my question is what are some of your favorite moments where rayllum are so clearly best friends/goofballs in love?

No like honest to god though — me and the Rayla to my Callum are also in a QPR + dash of romance relationship and like... arc 1 and arc 2 Rayllum are just so goddamn sweet??

I don't agree generally that arc 2 Rayllum is more Mature™ than arc 1 rayllum — Callum is more patient and Rayla is more open, so they've matured as individuals — but merely just that they're different flavours of aspec-ness. Like arc 1 is the craziness and rollercoaster of meeting a stranger and realizing they're Your Person, and arc 2 is the deepness after the fact of "I know you, and I know that we can get through everyone so long as we have each other" mostly cause I think the main reason people label arc 1 Rayllum as more immature is because s3 Rayllum gushes over each other, but that's bc people have a hard time conceptualizing having deep admiration for your partner(s) that isn't infatuation... even though like? It's totally normal and welcome, like any long term relationship is "my partner is the most amazing person ever and i'm also very aware of all their flaws simultaneously" and like, arc 1 Rayllum hits that balance perfectly imo

I just love all of their stages and sides to them so so much

But yeah! Some of my fave moments Rayllum wise for the Best Friends quality has to be when they help each other up in 3x05 (Callum after the soulfang chase and Rayla on the ambler) because things are Weird but they're still always going to help each other? The "I missed my best friend" quality in s4 with no one laughing at Callum's jokes / talking about magic with him (vs their first scene in 5x01 being him telling her all about the magic stuff he's reading) and Rayla keeping her disappointment at bay always hits hard and I loove 4x06 when she's beating herself up and he takes care of her because a Good Relationship isn't about how you treat each other when everything's fine, it's 100% about how treat each other when life is hard/stressful and/or you're upset with each other

But I love all the gentle teasing in early S5 and the fist bump lives in my head eternally rent free. The 2x03 hug also means a lot to me cause that was the turning point she went from being a friend to being family and I think in a lot of ways, that's their relationship's most important turning point alongside maybe 1x06 (trusting her anyway!) 4x09 (forgiveness) and 5x04 (her opening up).

5x02 post-inn and stargazing scene are also faves just because of how happy they are talking about Nothing and everything, and like — that's just so fucking real, y'know? When someone makes everything automatically better just by being there

As Callum says, "We've been through a lot, and a lot has changed. Well, some things have changed, but not everything," and this never will