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davidmann95 · 4 years

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How about those JL storyboards?

In case you haven’t heard, Zack Snyder is putting on display the ‘storyboards’ - i.e. a rough plot summary accompanied by some Jim Lee sketches - for what would have been Justice League 2 and 3, or as this puts it 2 and ‘2A’. You can see them here (I imagine better-quality versions will soon be released), and read a transcript here. This is evidently a very early version: this was apparently pitched prior to the release of BvS and Justice League being rewritten in the wake of it, with numerous plot details that now don’t line up with what we know about the Snyder Cut, plus it outright mentions it builds on the originally planned versions of the Batman and Flash movies. But it’s a broad outline of what was gonna go down, and while I initially thought it was Snyder throwing in the towel, the timing - paired with the ambiguity left by the necessity for changes, including that this doesn’t factor whatever that “massive cliffhanger” at the end of the Cut is - says to me he’s hoping this’ll be a force multiplier behind efforts to will sequel/s into existence. He’s probably right.

I’ll be discussing spoilers below, but in short: with this Zack Snyder has finally lived up to Alan Moore, in that like Twilight of the Superheroes I wouldn’t believe this was real as opposed to a shockingly on-point parody if not for direct, irrefutable evidence.

Doing some rapid-fire bullet points for this baby to kick us off:

* Folks who know the subject say a lot of this is a yet further continuation of Snyder doing Arthuriana fanfic with the League reskinned over those major players, and I’ll take their word for it.

* I don’t know whether I love or hate that in Justice League 2 the Justice League are only an extant thing for the first scene, and then it’s Snyder giving everybody their own mini-movies. It’s compressing the entire MCU “loosely interconnected solo stories leading to a single big movie later” strategy into a single movie!

* Funniest line in the whole thing: "Even Lantern has heard of the Kryptonian, worried that he's under the control of Darkseid. He heard his spirit was unbreakable." Hal what fuckin' Superman movie did YOU watch? Second funniest being “IT WILL GIVE HIM POWER OVER ALL LIVING LIFE”

* 90% of the plot I have nothing to say about, it’s generic stage-setting crap. That to be clear is the ‘shocked it’s Snyder’ element, it feels so crassly commercial in a way I can’t believe is coming from the BvS guy.

* Most of what I have to say is unsurprisingly gonna be about a handful of characters but Cyborg’s happy ending being “he isn’t visibly disabled anymore!” is not great!

* The Goddess of War battle with Superman...never pays off? No clue why it’s there.

* What I’d originally heard was that the Codex in Superman’s blood was the last key to the Anti-Life Equation and that’s why Darkseid was coming to Earth. It’s not like all of this wouldn’t have already been averted by Kal-El’s pod smacking into an asteroid on the way to Earth so it’s not as if this makes it any more Superman’s fault, and it would have at least tied all this back to the beginning of the movies, but I suppose that was either fake or from a later draft.

* I have NO idea how this was reimagined without the ‘love triangle’, it’s the central character thing and the entire climax flows directly out of it!

* Darkseid’s kinda a chump in this, huh

Anonymous said: So: Does Zack Snyder hate Superman?

Look: the hilarity of this when Cuck Kent has been a go-to Snyder cult insult towards ‘inferior’ takes on Superman for years cannot be understated, yet at the same time I can almost wrap my brain around where Snyder’s coming from with that as the end for his take on the character. He talked in that Variety piece on how his interest in Superman is informed by having adopted children himself, and Deborah Snyder is the stepmother to his kids by previous relationships, so I can see where he’d be coming from, and I can even imagine how he’d see this as ‘rhyming’ in the sense of “the series begins with Kal-El being adopted by Earth, it ends with him adopting a child of Earth!” In the same way as MARTHA, I can envision how he would put these pieces together in his head thematically without registering or caring what the end result would actually look like. In this case, Superman raising the kid of the man who beat the shit out of him who Batman had with Clark’s wife, who earlier told Bruce she was staying with Clark because he ‘needed her’, suggesting if inadvertently that this really honest to god was a “she’s only staying with Superman out of pity, she really loved Batman more” thing.

But Clark is nothing in this. He’s sad and existential because of coming back from the dead I guess, then he’s corrupted, then time’s undone and he woo-rah rallies the collective armies of the world (interesting angle for the ‘anti-military/anti-establishment’ Superman he’s talked up as) as his big heroic moment in the finale, and then he stops being sad because he’s adopting a kid. So his big much-ballyhooed, extremely necessary five-movie character arc towards truly becoming Superman was:

Sad weird kid -> sad weird kid learns he’s an alien, is still weird and sad, maybe he shouldn’t save people because things could go really wrong? -> his dad is so convinced it could go wrong he lets himself die -> ????? -> Clark is saving people anyway -> learns his origin, gets an inspiring speech about being a bridge between worlds and a costume -> becomes superman (not Superman, that’s later) to save the world, albeit a very property-damagey version, rejects his heritage he just learned about and space dad’s bridge idea -> folks hate him being superman and that sucks though at least he’s got a girlfriend now -> things go so wrong he considers not being superman but his ghost dad reminds him shit always goes wrong so he should be good anyway, which sorta feels like it contradicts his previous advice -> immediate renewed goodness is out the window as he’s blackmailed into having to try and kill a dude but the dude happens to coincidentally have some things in common so they don’t kill each other after all -> big monster now but superman keeps supermaning at it because he loves his girlfriend and he dies -> he’s brought back, wears black which apparently means now he likes Krypton again? -> he has work friends now but he’s still sad because he was dead -> evil now! -> wait nevermind time travel -> rallies the troops -> his wife’s having a kid so he’s not sad anymore -> Superman! Who gives way to more Batman.

Do I think Zack Snyder is lying when he says he likes Superman? No. I think he sincerely finds much of the basic conceits and imagery engaging. But I don’t think he meaningfully gives shit about Clark as a character, just a vessel for Big Iconic Beats he wants to hit. Whereas while for instance he’s critical of Batman as an idea (at least up to a point), he’s much more passionately, directly enamored with him as a presence and personality. So while Superman may be the character whose ostensible myth cycle or arc or however it’s spun might be propelling a lot of events here, it’s a distant appreciation - of course the other guy takes over and subsumes him into his own narrative. Of course Batman is the savior, the past and the future (though if he’s supposed to be Batman’s kid raised by Superman there’s no excuse for him not to be Nightwing), the tragic martyr to our potential. Admittedly the implication here is also that Batman can apparently only REALLY with his whole heart be willing to sacrifice his life to save an innocent, for that matter apparently his great love, once said innocent is a receptacle for his Bat-brood, but he and Clark are both already irredeemable pieces of shit by the end of BvS so it’s not like this even registers by comparison.

Anonymous said: That “plan” Snyder had was utter dogshit. Picture proof that DC & WB hate Superman. Also I love how you’re like Jor-El: Every single idealistic take you had about Snyder, his fandom, and BvS was wrong. Snyder’s an edgy hack, his fanbase just wants to jerk off to their edgy self-insert Batgod as he screams FUCK while mowing people down with machine guns, and the idea that BvS said Superman was better than Bats was completely wrong. You know what comes next SuperMann: Either you die or I do.

In the final analysis, beyond that mother of god is there sure no conceivable excuse for the treatment of Lois in this? The temptation is to join that anon and say as I originally tweeted that these were “built entirely to disabuse every single redemptive reading of the previous work and any notion of these movies as nuanced, artistic, self-reflective, or meaningful”.

...

...yeah, okay, that’s mostly right. Zack Snyder’s vision really was the vision of an edgelord idiot with bad ideas who was never going to build up to anything that would reframe it all as a sensible whole. He’s a sincere edgelord genuinely trying really hard with his bad ideas who put some of them together quite cleverly! But they’re fucking bad and the endgame was never anything more than ramping up into smashing the action figures together as big as he could, the political overtones and moral sketchiness of BvS while trying to say something in that movie reverberated through the grand scheme of his pentalogy in no way beyond giving his boys a big sad pit to rise out of so when they kicked ass later it’d rule harder, and all the gods among men questions and horror and trappings were only that: trappings. Apparently he’s really pleasant and well-meaning in person, but at his core his art as embodied in a couple weeks in his 4-hour R-rated Justice League movie meant to be seen in black-and-white all comes down to that time he yelled at someone on Twitter that he couldn’t appreciate Snyder’s work because it’s for grown-ups. He made half-clever, occasionally exciting shit cape movies for a bunch of corny pseudo-intellectual douchebags, folks latching onto and justifying blockbusters that at least acknowledge how horrifying the world is right now even if the superheroes are basically useless in the face of it if not outright part of the problem until a convenient alien invasion shows up to justify them, and a handful of non-asshole smart people who vibe with it but...well. ‘Suckered’ is a harsh word, and definitely doesn’t apply to all of them re: what they’ve gotten out of it up to this point and would (somehow) get out of this. But it doesn’t apply to none of them, either.

#Justice League #Zack Snyder #Superman #Batman #DCEU #Opinion

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therealsehinton · 4 years

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kay so youve made a good case for tohnny / jim, im not totally sold but i see how they can be more healthy then tally/jally. but please explain tarry? i think of them more as allies who disagree on how to run their gangs on levels of appropriate violence, yet still they respect each other as big bros/leaders of ragtags. they hang out when their crazy schedules give them a chance, thinking about how bright their futures were. they stabilize each other and exchange homemaking/ caretaking tips

oh heyyy dude!

i LOVE tarry, like i love jim/tohnny too but idk tarry holds a special place in my heart. i have a thing for like “lowkey” and healthy enemies to lovers, so rival gang leaders kind of checks that spot. you don’t have to worry about violence or utter disregard in the relationship because 1. darry is more of a pacifist so he wouldn’t resort to violence and 2. they’re both older siblings who know what it costs to take care of your family as if you’re the parent, that means they wouldn’t do stupid, insensitive shit to each other--like slashing tires, taking up too much time for attention, etc etc

i feel like that basic understanding they have for the other’s life creates an empathy that can really help blossom a true relationship. the thing about both tim and darry is that they have to act tough and mature all the time, which is why it’s difficult for me to ship darry with anyone else because he treats all the other characters like they’re his children and that dynamic in a romantic relationship is kinda iffy. so with tim he knows that he doesn’t HAVE to take care of him or baby him, and same with tim. they have a mutual respect for each other and consider each other to be equals, in that sense they can finally let their guards down in front of each other. tim doesn’t have to act like a mean gang leader and darry doesn’t have to act like dad, they can just act like 18 and 20 year olds you know???

also just ygfgiffgyu the idea of two dad type guys having a relationship is literally so wholesome to me 😭😭😭 they’re basically like two single parents falling in love and rediscovering their youth in the funniest way like fyuggfyfyf just imagining them being like “sorry sweetie i can’t meet today, angel has a ballet recital” THATS SO CUTE 😭😭😭 “honey, today is pony’s track meet” THE GDDYD them cooking for their siblings together is just fguyufkff CHEFS KISS

idk idk it’s just so wholesome to me and they would totally give each other massages after a long day

#se hinton #the outsiders #tarry #Anonymous

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suffering-and-happy-about-it · 4 years

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We'll Turn This City Upside Down (Sriracha, Part 19.)

Description: A problematic college student gets the worst summer job of the ‘83 - Jim Hopper, the Chief of police in your hometown will have you as his secretary since his old lady Flo has two months lasting holiday. It was agreed so Hopper could let you far away from all the trouble.

Part Summary: Since your family knew about Hopper and you were back in Hawkins again, there was no worry about denying it. You were his girl just as he was your man. And a fool for you.

A/N: Welcome to the Jim Hopper flexin’ on everyone with his girlfriend. You know he's a sweet goofball normally, but... You know... Jealousy’s a fucking bitch. (And Jim is one fucking bitch in this one as well, sksksk.) Inspired by The First Lie and The First I Love You by Kyle Dixon & Michael Stein.

Word count: 3.2 K

Tagging: @nemodoren @creedslove

Master list: H E R E

"Are you ready?" - Hopper asked when you sat into his police Blazer. It was the morning of the sixteenth of November and you finally took only a short break from making love in the trail. He took two days lasting holidays so he could spend the whole two days by your side. It started snowing one night and you were just tiptoeing to steal a kiss from his lips when the first snowflake fell on the tip of your nose. You both ran back inside, giggling like little kids and nothing on the whole world could make happier as you watched the snowflakes falling snuggled in the bed, drinking cocoa. As it turned out later, Hopper loved the snow and building snowmen, occasionally throwing a snowball at you.

"Can you even get ready for something like this?" - You asked back and finally felt as the Blazer under your ass moved forward. Hopper chuckled and looked away, making sure that there's not another car on the road. He had his blue coat on and Jesus, as soon as you spotted that thing on his shoulders you wanted to either steal it or make Hopper fuck you again. He was handsome as hell with his hat on, looking almost like an Alaskan cowboy.

It was here. The first time of showing the public that the Chief is, in fact, dating a college student. The funniest bit was that you were the nervous one. You were sweating and swearing under your breath since the time you woke up, unable to even eat something. Hopper had a shift on the station and he told you that he'll drive you to your university and picks you up from the job assignment you had later that day.

Jim repeated you many times that you don't have to find a job since you're doing just fine with his payment, but you insisted on finding one as soon as you could - and there was a free spot in a bistro in the downtown. You also had another dinner at your house planned later that week and Hopper, needless to say, was pretty nervous about it.

"Come on. We'll do just fine." - He rolled down the window, palming your whole knee at once. This felt somehow kinky, hot and extremely embarrassing at the same time. You let the hand there and watched the welcoming sign with horror. Well, there you go.

"Tell me the plan again?" - He asked you as the first houses started appearing. You slid further down on the seat, covering your reddening face.

"You'll drive me to school and kiss me so everyone knows what are we on." - You mumbled and watched his palm on your knee.

"That's right. And..?" - That motherfucker continued with a bigger grin than before, waving old Mrs. Smith who was just watering her garden. She almost fainted at the sight of you two together.

"And if I duck out of it, I'm folding all of your fuckin’ clothes for the entire week." - You mumbled and watched your former classmates turning after the Blazer. Jesus, this was a fucking dumb idea.

The first strange people were watching the police Blazer with unbelieving faces - Hopper was casually greeting every citizen you met and you just sat there and smiled with spasm in your face. You looked at Hopper with panic when he stopped the car in front of a bistro.

"Jim, what the fuck you think you're doing right now?" - You hissed when he started undoing the seatbelt. He pointed at a sign reading 'Serving breakfasts from 6 a.m. to 8 a.m.'.

"I'm takin' my lady to have somethin' to eat since she hasn't eaten at home?" - He guessed with a shit-eating grin. Why were you dating that jackass again? Oh, you loved him. That's right.

"Jim, this is highly uncomfortable and embarrassing. Will you, please, drive me to school?" - You mumbled, but it was too late. That jackass took his hat off and kissed you in front of a crowded bistro. And if it was only a normal kiss, just a peck, maybe it would cause everyone to turn at you - it was a full make-out session which ended by Hopper quietly humming into your lips. You just tasted even better than ever before in front of that many people. When he pulled back, you were furrowing and heavy breathing but decided not to duck out, forming the perfect plan to embarrass him as well the other day.

When you got out of the car, he was there to catch your hand, looking like a ray of fucking sunshine. No-one and nothing could ruin his mood at that moment. It was making you more happy than embarrassed, but you still felt the uneasy feeling in your chest. He was even humming You Don't Mess Around With Jim.

And Jesus, this man was just straightaway touchy-feely with you in the public. He ordered both of you some sandwiches, with bacon and eggs and a cup of coffee and just as he was looking at the waitress, his foot started to caress your leg under the table. He was unstoppable at that point.

To be honest, you were a hot topic in the whole of Hawkins. Every old lady spread the news immediately and each one of them knew when the evening came by. When you stopped in front of the university, you leaned him to give him a smooch before he drove off to the office. That meant you're safe and that you don't have to fold a single piece of his damn clothes - but your classmates stopped for a minute and watched you as you got off the car.

Julia, who was waiting for you with her notebooks in her arms, just opened up her mouth unbelievably as you walked to her.

“That guy was your summer hook-up? Because it surely must be more than that.” - She mouthed to you while you walked to the class. You felt the stares of each person you met on the way, but really, no-one was looking at you. You might have been a hot rumor to the old ladies and mothers of Hawkins, but you weren't such a hot topic for the younger people living in there. - “I thought you were making a case study out of him! When did you plan to tell me?”

“Things got a little out of hand and me and Jim,” - “You're calling Hopper Jim now? Shit, that's serious.” - She pushed you playfully and you finally smiled before continuing. - “We clicked after a while and a few bottles of Brandy. He was drunk as fuck that night.” - You said honestly, sitting down in the room.

“Is he good in bed?” - She asked immediately. You shook your head unbelievably and she just giggled. You smirk was more than straightaway telling her yes. - “Now it makes sense why he wrapped you around his finger. In every meaning of that phrase.”

“You nasty beast. He hasn't wrapped me around his finger.” - You shot a look back, watching one of the professors walking in. As the class proceeded, Julia told you about Steve from Biology in detail. You could perfectly imagine that guy's body and penis and you haven't even seen him in person at that point.

Your day was flying by you, since you were happy to sit in the class between people, feeling like a normal human being once again. Julia told you about the whole Will Byers incident from an outsider perspective and boy, didn't that sound crazy? She also gave you a ride to Melvald’s general store in the downtown where you needed to shop some things for your revenge plan.

You almost forgot about Joyce working there until she appeared right next to you, as you were comparing two cans of strawberries.

“I would take these bad boys.” - She pointed her finger at cans on the left. You gave her a short look and nodding. - “They're sweeter and more hardened than these canned ones.”

“Thanks for your help, Mrs. Byers. It's amazing how well do clerks know their groceries.” - You giggled and walked to the whipped cream, telling Joyce to follow you with a short look.

“I didn't know you stayed here, your mom told me you're leaving for Indianapolis.” - She said unbelievably while you took the whipped cream with the highest percentage. You nodded and your lips curled up into a smile.

“Yeah. Sometimes you change your plans for a man, you know?” - You tested the waters. Jim and Joyce talked a lot in the last days, they spent quite a lot of time together. Did she know about you? You weren't jealous at all, Joyce went through a lot and she needed someone to talk to just as Will needed a manly figure in his life at the moment.

“Really? I always thought that you'll leave Hawkins for some rich businessman. You always seemed to be ambitious.” - She said excitedly and walked with you to sugar. While making small talk, you walked her back to the cash register. And you noticed that painting still being hung up there. It was old and the colors weren't as bright as they used to be, but it was Wills spaceship. Somehow, you managed to dodge everything that could remember her about the incident and you haven't even told her about Jim.

But that changed with one last order.

“And two packs of unfiltered Camels, please.” - You smiled shyly, and she shot a look at you from packing your groceries. - “I can show you my ID if you want.” - You took out your purse, opening it up.

“You said you stayed here because of a man?” - She asked with wonder, handing you the cigarettes. You nodded, looking her in the eyes. - “Because the only one who buys unfiltered Camels in Melvald...” - “Is Jim.” - You finished for her.

She was surprised, giggling excitedly. You adored that woman as mother and as a human being - she was the one person always smiling and her arms were always opened for the people in need.

“Call me Joyce, then. Jim hasn't told me that he’s seeing someone and... Wow, he still has hir charm.” - She said proudly, offering you a handshake. You laughed as well, accepting it. - “Call me Y/N. Jim is talking to you and about you a lot. It seems that you're great friends.”

“Yeah, we were classmates back in the day. He is that one friend who stayed and never left. He's helping us a lot now. You found yourself a great man, sweetie.” - She held your arm and took the money from you.

“Keep the exchange. Take Will something sweet and tell him I say hi. He probably doesn't even know that I exist, but whatever. I hope he gets better soon.” - You smiled at her and she exhaled slowly, closing her eyes a bit.

“You're a sweetheart, you know that?” - She smiled and you could really tell that she means it and that your wish made her happy and soft. - “Come back soon. Or come to have dinner at our place with Jim, how does that sound?”

“I'll try to talk him down, but you know what Jim’s like. See you!” - You waved at her with a big smile on your lips. You made a new friend that day and nothing felt better than that. Your new job interview went just great - to say that old Mr. Davison was thrilled about you taking a job at his bistro was an understatement. In his opinion, you were a great candidate to get the position of the waitress - you were nice, sweet, nice to look that and overall a pleasant person to be around in his opinion.

You knew that Jim will be bitching about you being half a day at the job and half a day at college, but he could honestly go fuck himself with that kind of bullshit. You needed to make some money as well. Jim really was already waiting for you outside the door, his ass leaned into the trunk of his Blazer, and as soon as you rose up your palm holding the signed up contract, Hopper almost gulped his cigarette down.

“I got the job.” - You rose your eyebrows, looking around the dark street you were sanding at, making yourself sure that its empty before you put your arms around his sides to snuggle a bit closer. It was freezing, again, and it sure as hell was about to snow. - “I'm afraid that I will freeze to death today. You might have to warm me up.”

“Great. Now you'll be comin’ home late and tired. Can't wait for that.” - He mumbled as a response and smoothed your back.

“What's your deal? You should be happy that I am such a responsible adult.” - You let him go and sat on your seat in the Blazer, preparing for your great revenge plan.

“A long day in the office, what should I tell you? We finally found some of Mr. Henderson’s gnomes he was missin’ since summer.” - Hopper climbed there as well, taking a long breath in.

“Another reason to celebrate. Today is such a good day!” - You said excitedly, feeling the Blazer under you moving.

“Really, a great one. Where’s my date with Bo Derek?” - He asked back, looking at you. Your Jim was finally back after three weeks of putting it to ice. - “You think she's hot? Are you serious?” - You asked unbelievably, laughing as you imagined him on the date.

“She definitely is.” - Jim nodded and turned on the radio, letting the Romantics playing in the car as you both got quiet. That man was out of the world. And he also was really excited about the cake you baked in the evening. Your first shift at Marty’s was supposed to start on Saturday, so you had a whole Friday to execute the plan.

What was the plan again? Oh, yeah - visit him on the station tomorrow, since the only ones who brought cakes there were Callhan’s hookups, Powell's wife and Florence herself. You were about to burn Hopper where it could hurt him the most.

“Who’s that for? You haven't baked in weeks.” - Jim mumbled, trying to get his nose somewhere it wasn't supposed to at all. You smacked his fingers when he tried to mess up the whipped cream on your master-piece angrily watching him.

“You know, this is for my other lover David. We haven't seen each other in days.” - You muttered out ironically and started to finish your masterpiece with chocolate topping and strawberries. Joyce was right - these ones were nicely sweet, but still hard when you took a bite. Hopper rose his eyebrows while holding your waist.

“Oh, David. He's a great guy.” - He nodded nonchalantly. - “Tell him I say hi when you'll be meetin’ him again, will you?” - Jim kissed the back of your head and you nodded, humming a song stuck in your head.

On Friday, you both left in your cars, since your classes started way after the time Hopper had to leave for office. You left the cake home, first going to college and then coming back for it, so you could visit Hopper at the station. Everyone was surprised to see you walk in a tight black coat and reddened cheeks, as you held the sweet treat in front of your face.

Powell let you at least put it down before he went for a hug. - “Jesus, you're cold as ice!” - The man cried out as soon as you pressed onto him. Callahan held you a bit longer before he let Florence gave you a small hug as well.

“I just wanted to see how you're holding, guys, we haven't seen each other in months.” - You told the boys before cutting the first piece of the cake and giving it to Powell. He always got the cake first here.

“We? Were good, as always. You know us, Y/N, we never do anything too exciting because that old fool is terrified for his dear ass.” - He said nodding at Hopper who just got out. You could see that Jim had a sassy answer on his tongue, but his gaze got stuck at you. - “But we've heard that you were up to something really exciting in the last two months.” - Powell rose his eyebrows, taking a fair piece of the cake.

“What are... You doin’ here?” - Jim asked and tried to seem normal, pouring himself some coffee.

“David wasn't home, so I told myself that you can have a piece of it as well.” - You said innocently, looking at him from Powell’s crosswords which you stole from the man. You were a Devil and Hopper was sure of that. So that was why you were so calm when he came to pick you up after the interview.

“Oh, poor David doesn't know what he's missin’.” - He mumbled and took a sip, looking at the trio of police employees watching you. Weren't you claimed to be missing two months in a row? Why were both of you acting so casually? Florence could immediately say that something between the two of you is off. The energy was different. - “I told you she was found just three weeks ago, boys. She was fine the whole time.” - Hopper pointed the knife at you as he cut a piece of the cake for himself.

“Why did you disappeared?” - Callahan asked and moved himself a bit closer. That lover boy still obviously wanted to date you. That thing was publically known since he thirsted after you a lot during the summer.

“Actually, fuck David, I'm here to tell you something.” - You got up, running away from Callahan, earning a chuckle from Powell. Callahan was completely confused about why you basically jumped off the chair as soon as he smoothly leaned in. It was as if you could caught rabies from him.

Jim's gaze was asking you not to do it. People neither of you knew were something way different than colleagues he was supposed to see every fucking day. But you held his uniform in your palm anyway, leaning him down for a kiss. You could hear the exact moment when the whole office stopped and watched the two of you making out. Before you finished the kiss, people stopped staring at you, except Callahan, who couldn't look away.

“Buy some pasta on the way home, I'll be cooking tomato sauce today.” - You mumbled, seeing him smirking down on you. You both were crazy and that was the best thing on that whole relationship.

#jim hopper #jim hopper imagine #jim hopper x reader #james jim hopper #stranger things #jim hopper stranger things #stranger things hopper #stranger things netflix

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cobwebsaint · 5 years

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BLEASE DO THE SPIT FIC

AHHHH YES alright obligatory NSFW warning and link to the original if anybody is compelled to leave some sweet kudos or a comment or anything. The garbage stays under the cut for the sake of your eyeballs and your dash.

[Before we even get into the meat of this mf let it be known I was BULLIED into participating in the Slipknot body fluids garbage trend and I still hate it but god was it all downhill from there. Y’all know who you are. Bitch.]

Corey really did have a hard fucking time shutting up, and it almost always got him in some level of shit. After getting the shit kicked out of him at bars and parties and shows approximately three trillion times, you would have thought he’d learned his lesson.

He did not.

[I have never spoken a word that was not true. The Corey Taylor gremlin is just an obnoxious big mouthed creecher. He cannot help thise.]

The man had no off button. He knew it, everybody else knew it— it was just something they all had to live with. Jim especially. Jim signed on for this bullshit every single day.

That was his own fault.

[Ah yes, the birthplace of what is now known as the domestic nightmares AU. I promise I’m actually gonna write it. I have a whole sandbox doc. But point is they’re stupid and they’re gross and they’re boyfriends.]

He was off on some godforsaken tangent again about nothing in particular, which Jim had tuned out a good ten minutes ago. Sometimes he felt a little bad about how easy it’d become to turn Corey to white noise, but then he caught something about what Ted Bundy did right or pounding back all the Kool-Aid at Jonestown (“It’s Flavor-Aid, James.”) and decided it wasn’t such a terrible thing after all. Some things were just better left alone. Letting Corey babble while Jim mindlessly twisted his fingers through his curls was a pretty good option in Jim’s book.

Of course, that was all up until Corey inevitably realized he was being ignored and made it a point to get the spotlight back.

[In which Jim shares the same emotion towards Corey and his Sagittarius center of attention disease as the rest of us.]

Jim shifted away from the finger that was jabbing him hard in the ribs, pulling a face and looking down at Corey who had propped himself up on his chin, laying on Jim’s stomach. “What’d I do this time? Jesus.”

“You better be thinkin’ about something real fuckin’ important.”

[Bold of him to assume Jim is experiencing thoughts at all tbh.]

“Oh yeah. Daydreaming about the day you’re finally able to sit and shut up for more than ten seconds.”

[Aren’t we all.]

Corey narrowed his eyes, punching Jim in the side, satisfied with the “Ow!” he earned in response. “You fuckin’ prick. You don’t get to complain.”

“I get to complain the most. Nobody else sitting here listening to you talk about the logistics of having a conjoined twin, y’know. I’ve earned that right fair and square, dude.”

“What, you’re telling me you haven’t thought about how you’d—”

“No.”

“Bullshit.”

[Just in case you were wondering, (you probably weren’t) the gremlin is thinking about how you’d fuck with a conjoined twin.]

Jim rolled his eyes and shook his head, but he still couldn’t hide the dumb little smirk that wanted to tug at the corners of his lips. “God, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

Corey started up again and Jim immediately cut him off, reaching over to clap a hand over his mouth. “Ah! Don’t. Just. Shut up.”

[Jim: asks that question

Corey: starts telling his entire life story for the sixtieth time that week]

Corey batted Jim’s hand away, pushed himself up, crawling in close enough to swing a leg over Jim, straddling his hips. He leaned in, probably half a millimeter from Jim’s face, hands planted at either side of his head, curls cascading down around him. He was still pretty even when he was being a bastard and it was total bullshit.

[You’re just mad your dick won’t you stay mad at him, James.]

“Make me.”

Jim snorted a laugh. “Just say you want me to choke you out and be done with it.”

“Nah, that’s you. ‘Sit on my dick and strangle me, it’ll be great.”

“Don’t make me out to be the fuckin’ pervert when you’re the one begging me to step on your balls,” Jim retorted, barely even batting an eye.

Corey sat up a little, leering down at Jim and running his tongue over his teeth. Eventually he just resigned to it. “Fair. But you’re still gross.”

[Points were made. There ain’t no winning here lbr.]

“Mhm. Right.” Jim reached up, threading a hand messy through Corey’s hair to bring him into a kiss. “You done bitching yet? Can I go back to only kinda hearing the crazy shit that comes out of your mouth again?”

“Hell no,” he said, shaking his head for that extra touch of dramatic emphasis. “Do you even know who you’re talking to? If you weren’t the size of a goddamn skyscraper I’d swear you just crawled out of whatever pit you came from.”

“Maybe I’m dumb, but I’m not that dumb. The great big mouth will never be silenced.” Jim giggled, bringing a knee up to knock Corey over beside him. He rolled over, pinning him down instead. “Y’know, except maybe when you’ve got a dick shoved in your face. Still making noise, but at least you’re not fuckin’ talking.”

Corey got a look on his face like he’d just reinvented the wheel, squinting his eyes up in a shit-eating grin, and Kill Bill sirens started going off in Jim’s head. No. Nope. We are under attack. This couldn’t be anything good.

“Okay, but just consider— AND HEAR ME OUT, OKAY?” Corey cut in, watching the idea of interrupting him again flicker through Jim’s head. “What about two dicks? I bet I could fit two dicks in my mouth.”

Well. Huh. Maybe that did have Jim some sort of interested. He sat back a little, looking Corey up and down. “…You have my attention.”

“Listen, I know this chick and—”

Jim had to laugh, ‘cause Corey thinking he was actually gonna share had to be the funniest goddamn thing to happen to him all week. He didn’t consider himself the jealous type. Maybe a little possessive sometimes. But he had to keep a tight leash on Corey Todd “Himbo” Taylor. Him being certified Awful was what got them into this mess in the first place. Jim just had a bad habit of catching feelings. Whatever, clearly Corey was more than okay with it.

[Yes I did use the word himbo in this fic and no I do not accept criticism. Also a bit of lore is that Corey essentially annoyed the absolute dick out of Jim until he was about ready to commit a murder all as an elaborate plan to get a date.]

“Nope, try that again.”

“Alright, what about Mick or—”

“Is that supposed to be better?”

Corey groaned, punching Jim in the shoulder. “Why you gotta ruin all the fun? Can’t a dude get his face fucked and not get a bunch of shit for it?”

“Never said you couldn’t,” Jim mused. “But if you think I’m gonna let anybody else have that kind of satisfaction, you’re dead wrong dude. I’m the only one around here who deserves it. Take it or leave it.”

Corey cocked his head to the side, staring Jim down like he was supposed to take him seriously. Like Jim didn’t already know the answer. Like he didn’t know that Corey was physically incapable of turning down the chance to get his shit rocked, whether it happened the way he wanted it to or not.

“Fuck you. Fine.”

[Okay so this WHOLE FIC was deadass prompted by that stupid fucking picture of Corey with his fist shoved in his mouth skdjfg. So I was talking to Marina and I was like. Y’know. I bet he could fit two dicks in there. And I just kinda went buck wild. Jim was supposed to split the little bastard’s lips and shove a dildo in there too but that. Did not happen. Maybe someday.]

Content, Jim rolled off of him, got to his feet, and made a ‘well?’ gesture. Corey didn’t move, instead shooting him a look. A challenge.

Still playing that game. Alright.

Jim reached down, twisting Corey’s hair around his fist and dragging him towards the edge of the bed. “Really gonna be stubborn when you’re the one who’s begging for it?”

“You want it all for yourself, you’re gonna have to work for it.”

[Sir that is not how this works.]

Smug little fucker. Corey had put him through the same act at least a billion times now but somehow he still managed to find a way to get Jim to want to smack the ego right out of him.

Corey slipped off the bed, knees buckling without (a ton of) struggle when Jim pushed him towards the floor. He tilted Corey’s head back, getting a firm grip on his jaw.

“How you manage to be so cute while being such a pain in the ass still fuckin’ blows my mind, y’know.”

A giggle bubbled up in Corey’s chest. He strained against the hand in his hair, trying to wriggle his way out of Jim’s hold. He knew it wasn’t gonna happen, but hey— couple fingerprint shaped bruises never hurt anyone.

[I didn’t realize how weird the wording here was until after I posted it ngl. Like. He’s angling Corey’s head back by pulling his hair and holding him there by holding his jaw. Just. To clear that up. I’ve been obsessing over this one little line for months cuz it’s a little weird but I Am Not Changing It.]

“You love it. Wouldn’t have put up with me this long if you didn’t. It’s okay, Peach. You can admit I’m hot shit.”

“Shut up, would you?” Jim tugged back, drawing a surprised noise out of Corey that only served to melt back into a laugh. “Jesus.”

“Come on, don’t be so touchy. I’m right.” Corey slid a hand up the inside of Jim’s thigh, pressing his palm into him and grabbing his already half-hard cock through his sweats. “If I’m not, then explain this away. Pavlov ain’t got shit on me.”

Nah. Nope. That was more than enough out of him. Jim wrenched Corey’s hand away, taking his hands off him just long enough to shove his sweats and boxers down and free his cock. “Open. And hands to your fuckin’ self.”

[SEE HE JUST MAD HIS DICK ENTERS THE CHAT EVERY TIME COREY’S BEING A LITTLE BITCH.]

Thankfully, that was the one thing that Corey didn’t try and fight. He leaned his head back, opened his mouth, and locked his gaze with Jim’s. Stupid pretty blue eyes practically sparkling, knowing damn well he got Jim good. Fuck. Asshole couldn’t turn it off for a second, could he?

Jim grabbed him, holding him in place as he guided his dick into his mouth. Warm and wet and fucking perfect as always. This little shit was gonna give him a heart attack some day, he just knew it.

He started off slow, watching Corey melt into it. Eyes fluttering shut, cheeks hollowing out around him, hands clasped behind his back. Tongue laving expertly around the head of Jim’s cock like it was second nature. Hot shit was a stretch, but hot was a different story.

“Fuck yeah, that’s good,” Jim groaned, hand anchored on the back of Corey’s head as he rolled his hips into his mouth. “All bark and no bite. Think it would be easier to just say you wanna get used like a toy. Least you’re good at it.”

Corey made a pleased noise, leaning into it, taking Jim’s length deeper. He opened his eyes again, looking up at Jim through his lashes and whining softly. A plea for more. More ‘cause he was a greedy little bastard.

Jim took the cue, snapping his hips forward, tightening his grip. He heard Corey sputter around him a bit, which only served as further encouragement. He fucked into his mouth in quick, deep thrusts, Corey practically going limp before him. The heat, the way Corey pressed his tongue against the underside of his cock, face contorting a bit every time Jim’s dick hit the back of his throat. Jim was already wrapped tight around the axel but god, it was too pretty of a sight to give up this early in the game.

Even if it was giving Corey exactly what he was trying for— a happy Corey was a quiet Corey.

Or quieter.

[Ha.]

When Jim let up to let Corey catch his breath, he probably lost about half his brain cell count. Drool running down his chin, lips pink and swollen, crystal eyes brimming with tears— Corey looked practically ethereal. Like, fuck wings and halos. This was as close to angelic as someone could get and Jim fucking loved it. Shit.

[He do be pretty tho. Also idk where the sudden religious imagery came from but like. I sure did stick with it huh. Whatever it works.]

Jim dragged his thumb over Corey’s bottom lip, breaking strings of spit that connected with his cock. He hooked his thumb under Corey’s chin, slipping two long fingers in his mouth and pressing down on his tongue.

Corey closed around them, running his tongue between them before bobbing his head and taking them deeper. He moaned around the digits, shifting on his knees a little like he wanted to buck his hips into something that wasn’t there.

Satisfied, Jim retracted his fingers, rubbing them over Corey’s lips and chin and smearing spit across his face while he caught his breath. Jesus fucking Christ. He was feeling more and more like a ticking time bomb by the minute here, and Corey’s stupid obnoxious pretty blissed out face was doing him no favors.

[At this point I was like. Hmmm. How many different ways can I ruin this stupid little rat’s entire career. This is really just the everything but the kitchen sink fic.]

No matter how good and perfect and fucked up and fucking slutty he looked down on his knees, taking whatever he was given, that didn’t change a damn thing. He was still the same terrible little demon that Jim knew and loved for some godforsaken reason.

[THEY’RE IN LOVE!!!]

“‘S that it?” he rasped out, in between heavy breaths he knew he was gonna need to savor.

Nevermind. Jim was gonna kill him. Like, absolutely decimate him.

[I WANT THAT TWINK OBLITERATED]

He thrust back into Corey’s mouth, finding the same fast pace as before. Haphazardly pulling Corey into it, meeting every rut of hips, making him struggle more this time around. Jim watched him squirm, nails biting into his wrists, but they stayed where they were locked behind his back.

This was that sweet spot, where Corey felt filthy and used and amazing all wrapped up into one. Sure, he could ask for it, but it wouldn’t be nearly as fun. All the back and forth was part of the game that made the end goal that much sweeter. And yes, he was terrible and loved every minute of bugging the shit out of Jim until he finally snapped. It got him the attention, didn’t it?

[I started to veer off into this sort of perspective shift thing and I didn’t know how I felt about it while I was writing it but honestly I really like how it made the story flow.]

He was worlds away for a while, reduced to nothing more than a hole to be filled while Jim fucked his face. All moans and sloppy wet sounds, soaking up every little sensation— stingy pain of his hair being pulled, jaw starting to ache, cock fucking throbbing and leaking a wet spot into his boxers every time he got the least bit of friction. Jim thought Corey was an angel and this was most definitely heaven.

Of course, Corey only stayed on cloud nine for so long. Jim hit the back of his throat again, holding him there this time. He only gagged a little at first, tears spilling over onto his cheeks. Corey’s eyes shot open and he whimpered around him, but Jim stayed put.

The second wave was worse, and he finally had to unclasp his hands and bring them up to grip onto Jim’s hips— his sign to let up.

Jim let go and pulled back just in time for a full body wretch to hit Corey. He doubled over, bracing himself on his hands, thick, stringy deepthroat spit dripping from his mouth. He hung his head, breathing hard, and Jim felt his cock twitch.

[Don’t @ me I had just been subjected to not one but SEVERAL puke fics and I was feeling an emotion okay.]

“Oh fuck me,” Jim said out loud, because Jim was a gross horny fool.

He knelt down, laying his hand against Corey’s cheek, making him lift his head again. He looked positively ruined. Eyes red, cheeks tear stained, whole mouth wet and well used, the front of his shirt starting to go sheer from all the drool. God, all Jim wanted to do was kiss him.

“Good?” Jim asked, and Corey gave a weak nod. Jim moved in a little closer. “Hey, talk to me. You okay? Need to stop?”

“Yeah, ‘m good,” Corey sighed, leaning his forehead against Jim’s. “Don’t wanna stop, no. Was into it, trust me.” He let go of a gravelly laugh, “Just gimme a minute.”

Jim nodded his head, running his thumb along the curve of Corey’s jaw. “Fuckin’ pretty, y’know.”

[Oh no they’re sweet.]

“Peach?”

“Mmm?”

“Shut up. Don’t just look at me like that. You look dumb.”

[Nvm.]

Jim rolled his eyes, “You shut up.” He curled his hand around the back of Corey’s neck and closed what little gap was left between them with a kiss. He tasted like cigarettes and salt and skin and it made Jim’s head spin and his stomach do backflips. Which I mean, was definitely due in part to the fact that his dick was cocked and ready to blow like a shotgun straight through the wall next to him. But Corey— the feel of his skin and the taste on his tongue and his weight on top of Jim when he was being dumb and pretty and needy and refusing to be anything less than the center of attention— well, that never helped Jim’s case.

Soft little whimpers from Corey were muffled into Jim’s mouth, hands sliding around his broad frame and hiking his shirt up so Corey could trace over the curve of Jim’s spine. Little bit of contact, closeness that was lost when it wasn’t Jim balls deep inside of him. This was okay though. More than okay, fucking fantastic. Good to the point that Corey didn’t even try and fight when Jim pulled away. Especially not when he tugged his head back, making him look up at the ceiling as he licked a stripe from the very bottom of his chin, back to his lips. He kissed him again, like he needed to be attached at the mouth to survive, tongue easily gaining entry into Corey’s mouth and pulling more throaty moans from him.

[Jk they’re still gross and in love.]

It was over all too quickly, Corey making a sound in protest as Jim pulled away from him and rose to his feet again. Jim yanked his head back, catching his lower lip with his thumb, mouth falling open once more. Before the thought even had the chance of passing through Corey’s mind of what the hell— Jim was bent over him, holding him in place as he spit into his mouth. Or rather back into his mouth.

Oh. Shit. Alright.

[Again, everything but the kitchen sink here boys.]

Several emotions flashed across Corey’s face before he settled in at acceptance, staring up at Jim with big, glazed over eyes as he towered over him.

“You want more?”

Corey nodded a very enthusiastic yes.

“Gonna be a good boy for me?”

That was met with some hesitation, knit brows and a shrug of the shoulders like he was weighing his options. Jim just shook his head. “If you’re gonna be a shit, then you can do it your damn self now. Prove you deserve it.”

Corey shot him a look, but he didn’t exactly try and argue. Wouldn’t be the first time he sucked a dick to make a point. Definitely not the last either. He sat up on his knees, wrapping his hand around Jim’s length, working him in slow, even strokes as he teased his tongue over the head. Jim about had an aneurysm from the looks of it and Corey couldn’t help but giggle.

Jim knocked his knuckles against the side of Corey’s face. Not hard enough to hurt, but still enough to make him knock it the fuck off.

Stupid slut.

[This still makes me giggle. Like you bap a fucking cat on the nose dksgdfj.]

Sucking the tip of Jim’s dick into his mouth, Corey gave a contented hum. He bobbed his head up and down, keeping pace with his hand, Jim lazily tracing his fingertips over the stubble on his cheeks. He mumbled a string of praise— ‘fuck yeah, baby’ and ‘so fucking good’ and ‘shit, just like that.’ Caught up and fucked up all over again. Corey Taylor was a bastard and Jim wasn’t about to give him up for a goddamn thing.

Corey pulled off of him with a filthy ‘pop,’ wasting little time between then and ducking his head down to tongue at Jim’s balls. For what had to be the billionth time in the past ten minutes, Jim was briefly convinced he was going to leave this earth entirely. It was all he could do, to watch dumbly as Corey worked from left to right, sucking and moaning and swirling his tongue in just the right way to make Jim’s dick visibly twitch in his hand

“Jesus fuck, baby.”

Jesus fuck, indeed. He was already seeing stars and he still hadn’t come yet. Here he was, giving the incentive of more when his knees were about to buckle. Who’s the jackass now?

[Me: writing oral sucks it’s always awkward and repetitive

Also me: stretches the oral to 5k]

Jim’s head fell back as Corey worked his way back up his length, running his tongue along the underside of it before damn near hilting him on his first try. He choked a little, pulling back to center himself before he tried again. Obscene sounds and lascivious moans filled the air, Jim’s eyes squeezed shut as he focused on the heat burning in the pit of his stomach. All he needed was a minute or two and to watch Corey’s eyes roll back in his skull to be pulled taut and ready to snap at any second.

“Fuck me, I’m so close. Come on baby, don’t stop. Know you want it too.” Jim’s hand had found its way to the back of Corey’s head again, forcing him further down, finding that perfect rhythm again. Call it a sign of encouragement. Or something.

Yeah, encouragement.

Corey worked him as hard as he could, sucking and licking and slurping and swallowing him whole until the vibrations from one final groan around Jim’s cock brought all these sensations to a crescendo. Jim held him down as he came hard, spilling down his throat, swearing and gritting his teeth. Corey nursed him through, sucking him slow as Jim’s arms and legs turned to jello. Watching through his lashes as he tensed and moaned, breathing in sharp, ragged inhales until he finally had to shove Corey away ‘cause shit.

Jim sighed heavily, pushing his hair back and out of his face, staring down at the stupid cocky look on Corey’s face. Were he able to form a coherent thought, he would have taken his ego down a notch— unfortunately, mentally he was still somewhere off in orbit. Without being entirely aware of his own actions, Jim was grabbing Corey by the collar and getting him back up off his knees. He shoved his hands underneath the hem of his shirt, fingertips studying inches of skin, the hair on his stomach, sides damp with sweat, every bump and imperfection before finally pulling the ratty spit-soaked tee over his head.

[And to your left, you see Service Top Brain immediately taking control the second Jim no longer has enough brain cells to resist it.]

He pulled Corey to him, hands on his waist as he backed up to the bed, knees giving way when they hit the edge of the mattress. Jim hit the bed and laid back, bringing Corey down with him and directly into a kiss. Strong arms circled around Corey’s frame, bodies pressed snug, mouths melded together as one. Whatever post-nut trance Jim was in, it was perfectly fine by Corey. This was close and safe and comfortable and I mean, with the way Jim was rocking him against his stomach, you weren’t gonna hear much more than the sound of his brain cells popping like balloons ‘cause his dick was taking up all the blood flow.

[They may be stupid but you gotta admit. They are pretty tender too.]

A high pitched whine that (it was safe to assume) was supposed words fell from Corey’s lips as Jim’s connected with the center of his chest. He had pulled away panting, working his way down— mouthing at Corey’s jaw, nipping at his earlobe, leaving a trail of hickeys down his neck. Maybe it had caught Corey off guard a little, not getting told off for being a shit and all, but any and all attention was welcome here with open arms.

“Fuck, Jim c’mon,” he barely managed to gasp out. Forming sentences wasn’t about to be the first to go. He had a reputation to uphold here. “Better not start messin’ with me now.”

Teeth clinked against metal, Jim tugging on the ring through his right nipple and ripping all the thoughts straight from his brain for a moment. He swirled his tongue over the hardening flesh before biting down. Corey shivered and bit back a moan, pain radiating through him and twisting up in his gut. Like he wasn’t already prepared to implode as is. “Mother fucking Mary. Now you’re just making it a point to be a dick. Nobody likes a tease, Peach.”

[Also calling Jim peach is Corey’s thing in this universe. It’s gross. And soft. They’re the worst.]

Nothing. Not even an upwards glance.

Corey wanted to scream. He wanted to slam his fist down on the bed, call Jim some new variant on ‘cunt,’ fight back, take control. But he also really didn’t want this to stop. He was so hard it fucking hurt and Jim had him right in the palm of his hand where he could barely keep his head straight and honestly? He was perfectly fine sitting right there. He was probably just missing some cue. Off by a beat and too whiny and stubborn to realize it. (Which he was. Corey never claimed to be smart. Especially not when his lizard brain was kicked into overdrive and all he could think about was getting split in half.)

[He’s so STUPID. God. Bratty ass dumbass.]

While the idea was pretty appealing, he couldn’t even begin to collect the agency he’d need for any of that anyway. There was now a hand dangerously high up on his thigh, thumb tracing line where it met his hip, and there was no goddamn way he was gonna be able to focus on anything else.

So Jim still did want him dead. Cool.

“God baby, what do you want?” Corey whined, raking his nails over Jim’s chest, watching red marks appear in their wake. “I wasn’t even that bad. Did everything you wanted, barely even gave you shit. What, you want me to get you off again? ‘Cause I can do that. I’ll gladly do that if it gets you to quit fucking dragging me along. I’ll do all the work and fuck you myself if I gotta. Could smash my face into a wall and call me a soul sucking whore for all I care. Jesus Christ, just give me more.”

[YOU’RE SO CLOSE YET SO FAR BUD.]

Jim’s fingertips dipped into the elastic of Corey’s boxers, dragging across the front between his hips, just barely brushing against his cock before the waistband snapped back against his skin. Corey yelped, heels of his palms digging into Jim’s collarbones. He had no doubt Jim was thoroughly enjoying this, but the joke wasn’t all that funny anymore. Wasn’t very funny to begin with, actually.

“Fuck me, Peach please. Please, I’ll do fucking anything. Just quit doing that.”

Suddenly Corey’s back was against the sheets again, Jim sliding back off the bed to tear his boxers down and toss them in some vague direction (he was only really going for away.) He nudged Corey’s legs apart and kneed back up between them, fingers curling around his cock. Corey’s hips immediately jerked up into the contact and he let out a hiss. Good god, he was so fucking sensitive he wanted to die. He made a noise that sounded more like a sob than anything, grabbing at Jim’s wrist. If he stopped he was going to scream but if he kept it up Corey was about to be launched into space and land on fucking Neptune.

“Was that really so hard?” Jim questioned, and yeah. Maybe it was. Getting Corey to ask nice instead of being a colossal brat was like pulling teeth from an alligator. Fortunately for Jim, he was currently on a one way flight to the next realm. It was a little harder to keep all that up in the moment.

Another “please” was all Corey managed— clearly asking for something else, something more— but Jim couldn’t just let him have that.

“See, now you’re getting the hang of it!”

[Jim: See I can be an asshole too]

Corey snaked his arms around Jim’s neck, pulling him down to eye level. “Is it your goal in life to be a giant fucking pain in the ass?”

[Yes. That and buy a bike.]

“As much as it is yours, baby.” Jim laughed, nuzzling against Corey’s cheek. He mouthed little kisses against his jaw, slowly stroking him, pulling a frustrated growl from somewhere deep in his chest.

He clawed at Jim’s shoulders, threading his hand through Jim’s hair and tugging back hard. More than anything, he was just trying to keep himself some semblance of centered. It wasn’t working very well. “Fucking hell. More, give me more. Give me your hands.”

Jim lifted his gaze, meeting Corey’s eyes, staring at him blankly.

“Please.”

The grip around Corey’s cock let up and he groaned again at the loss of friction. It was gonna take next to nothing to make him fall apart. Callused fingers fingers slip up his torso and caught on his bottom lip, still kissed and swollen. “I’ll do that for you, but you might have to remind me how you earned it.”

Corey barely let him finish before he had his lips wrapped around two digits, working his tongue along them. He held onto Jim’s wrist, forcing them back and making himself gag hard. At this point, he didn’t care what it took. Besides, it was either keep his mouth busy or run it anyway. He flashed a look back up at Jim, batting his lashes and making sure to give him a little show before finally pulling off and kissing his fingertips. Is that wasn’t enough, then he didn’t know what the fuck would be.

And thank fucking buddha Jim’s mouth was enveloping his own just a moment later, one of his thighs being pushed back for a better angle and some leverage as Jim’s other hand slid between his legs. Slick fingers pressed against his entrance, drawing a pathetic noise from his throat, his legs twitching in eager anticipation.

The first eased in, sunk home, and Corey could have sworn he saw the light in that moment. Glitter and gold and pearly gates, fluffy white clouds, and giant fucking bearpaw hands that were holding his entire fucking being in their palms. He didn’t think he’d ever get used to that— Jim being that big. I mean sure, his dick alone could take out a whole city easily, but it was all of him. Limbs and chest and hips and hands. Oh good god, his hands. Say what you want about how dumb and awkward he was otherwise, but he always knew exactly what he was doing with his hands.

[HE DO BE LANKY AND AWKWARD. Also I still can’t help but think of how weird his hands are. Like they’re so SMALL in proportion to the rest of him but they’re still HUGE. James what the fuck is that shit.]

Corey moaned into the mouth locked with his own as Jim started to pump in and out of him, the stretch nearly impossible feeling for just one finger. Maybe it was that he was already desperate, ready to burst, that had him so beyond himself. Maybe it was just the fact that Jim knew exactly how to poke and prod to make him start to come apart at the seams.

He started to relax more, lean into it (or as best as he could with the weight on top of him.) Steady chants of ‘yes, yes, yes, more, fuck’ swarmed around whatever little bubble they’d been encapsulated in. Corey practically had Jim in a chokehold, holding him down as close as he could possibly get, foreheads pressed together. Completely and totally consumed.

Another finger worked inside him, curling and twisting and scissoring him open, making him flutter around them and writhe to find just the right—

“There, there. Don’t you dare stop. Holy shit.” Corey cried out, arching up off the mattress, holding onto Jim for dear life. “So fucking good. Feels so fucking good.”

Jim brushed his fingertips against Corey’s walls again, hitting that sweet spot and eliciting another borderline embarrassing moan. “Yeah, that’s it. Not so tough like this, are you? Fight so hard to get what you want and you still come undone for me just the same. Real good when you want to be, y’know.”

Whatever Corey wanted to say came out in an incoherent mumble— something something for you and something something damn lucky. His orgasm was already twisting and burning in the pit of his stomach, and his was still only very loosely tied to this realm. Beyond taken and fucked up and he loved every minute of it.

[Fighting to the very end, even with fingers in his ass. Just shut up already you stupid slut.]

He couldn’t take his eyes off Jim as he wormed his way out of his grasp, sat back, spread his legs a little wider apart. He leaned down, and Corey was vaguely aware of him spitting before he felt like he was being properly split in two. A third digit joined the other two. God, it was almost too much. Impossibly full and tight and overwhelming, all thanks to James and his inhumanely big hands that were surely going to be Corey’s cause of death here one of these days.

Corey couldn’t even breathe now, squeaking out another little plea for more, honed in on Jim like a deer in headlights. He knotted his hands up in the sheets, finally able to roll his hips and fuck himself against Jim’s hand without him pinning him in place. The blood rushing through his ears still wasn’t quite loud enough to drown out Jim’s encouragement— “So good, so pretty, look at you, perfect little slut. All mine. Come on baby, let me see you come.”

That alone was enough to make Corey’s eyes roll back in his head, but one last perfect angle of his hips was what finally sent him over the edge. He came so hard his vision went fuzzy, limbs giving out as he spilled over his stomach and cried out, “Oh god, fuck daddy.”

[THERE IT IS. One of the terrible influences who shall not be named popped into my DMs like “Consider: unnegotiated honorary in a moment of carnal horny and then Jim just straight up CACKLES” and I was like well. Guess That’s Getting Throw In The Pile Too.]

There was a minute of blank, overwhelmed and far away and completely beyond himself. Jim milked him through it, still working his fingers in and out as the aftershocks made him twitch and whimper, until he started to come back down again. Actually, the only thing that snapped him back to the here and now was realizing that Jim was laughing. Not just laughing, giggling like a goddamn school girl.

You had to be fucking kidding.

Corey reached out, attempting to smack him but missing entirely. “Fuck’s so funny?”

“Daddy? Dude. You’ve gotta be fuckin’ kidding right?” Jim dissolved into another fit of laughter, eyes scrunched up in a big grin.

“Shut up. Shut your fucking mouth now. You don’t get to hold the shit I say when I come against me.” Corey huffed, sitting up on his elbows and trying to scoot away. Unlucky for him, Jim was still big enough to lean over him again and still be eye level.

He pushed Corey’s hair back, pressing a kiss to his lips with a deep chuckle. “Quit your whining. You alright?”

Corey rolled his eyes, collapsing with a sigh and (albeit begrudgingly) circling his arms around Jim’s neck. “Mmm, peachy. Just shut up and cuddle me, you fucking demon. And you tell no one about that.”

[ANYWAY. This fic took me like three wholeass months or something so I hope it was worth it. There’s also a coinciding playlist that goes with this beast if you click on the AO3 link back at the top. Thank you for reading this disaster.]

#anonymous #answered #rpf #spit fic #director's commentary

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letterboxd · 5 years

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Fate.

“The reason that they choose to pick up a gun or punch someone in the face or fight for their lives is usually different than the reasons you’d find for a man.” Terminator: Dark Fate director Tim Miller discusses David Fincher, James Cameron and female action heroes in an exclusive chat with Letterboxd.

Tim Miller is here to save the Terminator franchise. Like many of us, Miller (the director of Deadpool) is a massive fan of the first two films, and not so much of the last three.

Miller’s new film, Terminator: Dark Fate, positions itself as a direct sequel to the iconic Terminator 2: Judgment Day and ignores all the films made subsequent to that 1991 classic. The connection is strengthened by the participation of James Cameron (director and co-writer of the 1984 original and Judgment Day), who has a story credit on Dark Fate, and Linda Hamilton, who returns to play Sarah Connor for the first time since 1991.

In the new film, Connor is one of two people—alongside Mackenzie Davis’s augmented future soldier Grace—attempting to protect Dani Ramos (Natalia Reyes) from the super-advanced Rev-9 terminator (Gabriel Luna). Dani is a young Mexican woman fated to play a critical role in a future war between humans and machines (specifically, an artificial intelligence called Legion).

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Linda Hamilton in a scene from ‘Terminator: Dark Fate’.

Although Connor prevented Judgment Day in T2, something similar eventually transpired in the future, once again pitting humanity against a seemingly insurmountable artificial intelligence threat. Arnold Schwarzenegger also shows up as an aged T-800, and the film has fun with his presence.

A few weeks back, the Alamo Drafthouse treated audiences who thought they were going to see T2 with a surprise screening of Dark Fate. “This is the third film I’ve always wanted…” was the reaction from Letterboxd member CJSFilms. “Changed the story enough without completely jumping the shark and had some great new characters along with amazing work to the older ones.”

“Part of me can’t really believe I liked it so much, but it’s the truth,” said azureblueworld.

Miller recently spoke with us about Dark Fate, as well as answering some questions about his life in film.

Mackenzie Davis and Natalia Reyes in a scene from ‘Terminator: Dark Fate’.

It’s relatively rare in action cinema to have three female protagonists. What do you think that brings to Terminator: Dark Fate? Tim Miller: I think it brings a lot, both in the making of it and in the film itself, because from a plot standpoint, you don’t often have enough stories where women are in these action roles. The reason that they choose to pick up a gun or punch someone in the face or fight for their lives is usually different than the reasons you’d find for a man. You don’t often find a woman killing people for vengeance or these typically macho things. So, I find those reasons much more interesting. This is why I love Sarah Connor. This is a woman who is fighting to protect her child and there is no more powerful imperative than that. So we have all of that and you have Grace coming back from the future. We really didn’t play too much upon it, but Grace is Dani’s surrogate child. She finds her in the ruin when she’s twelve and raises her. So the idea of a mother having to send her daughter back for the fate of humanity is pretty powerful and it’s not the usual male-centric reasons for doing shit like that.

Then, because we had John Connor, the whole male as the savior of humanity thing has been done. But secondly, I just feel like Dani would be a different kind of leader. I always used the analogy of yes, she’s tough and she’s a great leader, but she’s more Obama than Patton in my mind.

Mackenzie Davis is amazing in this movie. What kind of thinking went into the conception of her character, Grace? I remember the moment very clearly because my favorite author of all time, Joe Abercrombie, who writes fantasy not sci-fi, primarily, although his Shattered Sea books are sort of post-apocalyptic. Joe was in the writers’ room, I love him. He’s a great English author. If you haven’t read him, do. We were talking about how there’s always this trilogy of characters: there’s the protector, the hunter and the prey in Terminator movies. We were talking about the protector, and Joe said, “What if it’s this female super soldier who comes back from the future, and she’s all fucked up and scarred and she has to take a lot of drugs because she’s been enhanced with stolen Legion technology?” It wasn’t Legion at that time, it was stolen advanced AI technology adapted for humans and she was kind of a machine fighter. And she has to take these drugs all the time because they amp up her immune system, and jack up her reflexes and things like that. And I thought, ‘Oh, that’s fucking cool’. Everybody else did, too.

And Mackenzie plays her with so much humanity, which is why I really did not want to get the obvious casting takes for that role. They would show me some actors who were super accomplished martial artists or fighters or things like that. I knew that she would be, in many ways, the heart of the movie. I mean Sarah, of course, is the heart of the movie ultimately, but for so long in this film, Sarah is emotionless. She’s a terminator, you know? She’s fucked up. And Mackenzie had to be this person [for whom] you could really identify with her mission and her humanity.

Director Tim Miller and Linda Hamilton on the set of ‘Terminator: Dark Fate’.

What movies did you watch to prepare for making Terminator: Dark Fate? I watched all of the Terminator movies—good and bad—again, of course. I watch Aliens all the time. Then I watched Alien again, too. Because I think Terminator has moments of tension, for sure. [Alien³ director] David Fincher’s favorite moment in Terminator: Dark Fate, oddly, was the shots of Gabriel [Luna] walking around Carl’s house after they’ve left, in this creepy sort of home invasion moment. So I think Terminator’s always had a horror element to it.

I love movies that have heroes. Movies like Gladiator and Blade Runner are some of my favorites. Gladiator has the heroic element of the person who’s been beaten down but refuses to lose, [that’s] definitely in Terminator movies. Blade Runner has the element of the hero who gets their ass handed to them every time, but keeps getting back up and I feel like that’s kind of what happens in these chase scenes where you can never defeat a terminator. You get your ass kicked but somehow you manage to get away and fight another day until eventually something else defeats them.

I have less of a broad spectrum of movie-watching. I read a lot and that’s where a lot of my love of sci-fi comes from. I tend to—like I think a lot of nerds—you have your favorites and it’s hard to get out of that rut because it’s so not often that good stuff comes around that you can put on that list of favorites.

Gabriel Luna and friend in a scene from ‘Terminator: Dark Fate’.

Was there a particular film that, when you saw it, made you say, “Okay, I’m doing this. I’m gonna make movies”? Aliens. The thing that Jim does so much and so well is really gives the characters a sense of reality, that they feel grounded and what I love about his movies also is the writing always feels very organic to me. In too many movies, you can feel that the writer or the director made a decision on what way to move the story based on a plot [point], rather than it coming organically from the characters. In Jim’s movies, you never feel that. In fact, when I met him I was surprised because I thought [he] must write forward from character instead of having some pre-ordained idea of where it’s going to end up. And he said, “No, oh no. I think of: ‘Oh, man. I want to see this big fucking action scene and then I work into it’.” But I guess the magic comes in the fact that you don’t feel that.

He mentioned the flying scene in Avatar, which I loved, which is this falling-in-love scene when they’re learning to fly. I said, “But you have this great falling-in-love scene.” He goes, “I just wanted to do a really great scene of them flying around Pandora in these cool, swooping camera moves and this bad-ass flight sequence. And then it became the falling-in-love sequence.” So that was the surprise for me and a little bit of insight into Jim’s magic.

How many times would you say you’ve seen Aliens? Oh fuck, 50 plus, easy.

What's the sexiest film you’ve ever seen? The sexiest? 9½ Weeks.

What film do you have fond memories of watching with your parents? Poseidon Adventure, the original. I remember Gene Hackman. I remember Shelley Winters’ death where she was the Olympic swimmer who gained too much weight, but she managed to save everybody. Then I remember Gene Hackman jumping out over the fire to turn off that big knob to cut the steam off so everybody else could escape and then dropping into the fire. Heroes. Always heroes sacrificing. I love it.

What classic are you embarrassed to say you haven’t seen? Citizen Kane. That’s easy.

What filmmaker, living or dead, do you envy or admire the most? David Fincher, who I’m lucky enough to call a friend. David hasn’t made a bad movie ever.

What’s it like working with him [the pair collaborated on the Netflix sci-fi anthology series Love Death + Robots]? David’s great with me. He’s much more trouble if you’re an executive who tries to fuck with him. I couldn’t tell you why, to this day, that he and I are friends because I’m so messy and he’s so precise, but he’s been so helpful to me as a friend and as a mentor over the years that I can’t underestimate the value of it. He’s the funniest, smartest guy in the room wherever he is.

Tim Miller on the set of ‘Terminator: Dark Fate’.

He’s kind of enigmatic. I love how seemingly quiet he is. He doesn’t put a huge amount of himself out there. Well, that’s in contrast to how quiet he’s not when he’s one-on-one or in a meeting, because he loves to talk. He puts on a show and his knowledge of film and filmmaking is so encyclopedic that you really just kind of sit back and watch. When we were pitching Heavy Metal, which was pretty much Love, Death + Robots before it was Love, Death + Robots, we pitched probably 100 times. It was always really great for me to sit back and watch him work, because back then it was pre-Deadpool and nobody really paid attention to me in the room. So I got a front-row seat to watching David work and especially watching him work in the Hollywood system, which is a unique and interesting system.

What’s a film you wish you had made? Saving Private Ryan. Again, I’m such a one-dimensional filmmaker. It all comes back to heroism. The fact that all of them could sacrifice for this mother that they don’t know, where they imagine her hearing this news of all of her sons being dead. That’s really who they sacrifice themselves for because they don’t know Ryan, he’s just another guy. It’s a powerful message about humanity that I thought was great. Tom Hanks is just, he’s the most amazing combination of strong and vulnerable, which I find really interesting in a hero. That’s very human, you know?

If you were forced to remake any classic, what would you choose? I’m very interested to see what Denis Villeneuve does with Dune because it’s a great book and they’ve never managed to make a good movie out of it.

‘Terminator: Dark Fate’ is in theaters now. Comments have been edited for clarity and length.

#terminator #director #interview #terminator dark fate #tim miller #letterboxd #james cameron #david fincher

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quantumfizz · 6 years

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My Thoughts on ASOUE Season 2

If you don’t want spoilers for the show and the books, LOOK AWAY!

-I understand why a lot of people disliked the romance with Jacques and Olivia, but I thought it was fine. Not extremely necessary, but it was sweet.

-Larry Your-Waiter is amazing in every scene he is in, how can one man be so perfect. Also I loved the line about his moms, and the fact that he grew up in the Village of Fowl Devotees.

-Lucy Punch is perfectly cast. I never had an idea for who I personally wantedd to play her, but she absolutely nails it. Esme is a vain character that at times is comedic and hard to take seriously with her obsession with what is in, her ridiculous outfits, etc. BUT there are plenty of scenes where she needs to be intimidating. That chase in the Library of Records was AMAZING.

-On a similar note, NPH continues to perfectly portray Olaf. I like Jim Carrey’s performance, but the film adaptation didn’t show how threatening Olaf can be and he’s more comedic than intimidating. NPH is incredibly entertaining, and has some of the funniest lines in the show, but he really brings out the serious/threatening side of Olaf. His speech to Violet about how an animal acts when cornered was so disturbing, and I loved it.

-And the cameo with his husband and kids was so cute!

-Olivia Caliban’s change from a neutral agent in VFD to someone completely devoted to the “noble” side and the Baudelaires was a bit disappointing. Her character in the novels was not on either side of the schism, and it was an important part of her identity.

-The flashback to the masquerade ball. Oh my God. Seeing Monty and Josephine and everyone else was so cool! The novels only focused on events related to the Baudelaires, and characters like Gustav and Ike were only mentioned. Seeing them was so strange, but I loved it. And Patrick Warburton’s performance in that scene broke my heart; a lot of his scenes are lengthy monologues where he can’t emote to a large degree (and when he does it is very subtle, like the scenes with him and Jacques--which were also heartbreaking). But him dropping his drink in shock, tearing out to the balcony, and desperately screaming to Beatrice really hurt.

-There’s a bit more expansion on Olaf and Beatrice’s relationship (in the platonic sense) from before the events of book 1. Beatrice continued to see the good in Olaf, despite everything that happened.

-”You never approve of my love life” Handler I love you but please, I can only take so much foreshadowed sadness in one sitting, you’re killing me

-Sunny’s CGI looks a lot better. Maybe they’ve had more experience with the editing in those scenes, and Presley Smith is able to walk so it looked better as a result?

-Presley Smith is one of the best child actors I’ve scene in a long time. Her facial expressions were some of my favorite parts of every episode.

-This show/book series is still a shining example of how to write a boring character that is still interesting. Poe is literally the most boring man on earth, but his boring nature is weirdly interesting and engaging: he loves hospitals, paperwork, procedure, and bureaucracy. It’s just nice to have a boring character who is actually still a character. Also “fire of my loins”. WEW MAN

-Carmelita is a horrid delight. Another case of perfect casting.

-FIONA AND WIDDERSHINS ARE MENTIONED, HOLY SHIT. I knew they probably would be, but it’s still a shock to hear them mentioned.

-I’m glad the Henchperson of Indeterminate Gender survived in this version, I’m so attached to the Netflix troupe of Olaf’s actors and I was afraid they wouldn’t make it

-”Why did I have to steal that sugar bowl from Esme Squalor?” and “I want to steal from you the way Beatrice stole from ME!” both had me SCREAMING.

-I’m still a bit muddled over the timeline in the Netflix version. Beatrice survived the Duchess of Winnipeg’s ball by flying away in her costume, but iirc she died in the burning of the castle that same night in the books. And in the books the masquerade took place AFTER the Baudelaire fire, according to the Unauthorized Autobiography. So is this true in the Netflix version too?

-I liked the musical numbers. I’ve seen a few complaints that there were too many and they went on for a while, but this is from the same dude who filled two pages with the word ‘very’. If a musical number could be put into a novel, there would be one in the novels.

-Sidenote: I watched this season/the entire show with my mom,who a) has never read the books and b) is a librarian. She thinks it’s cool how the series praises the work of librarians and hails them as heroic and noble keepers of knowledge. I just wanted to share some of her thoughts. She also loves Sunny, and could not get enough of her scenes, especially with Fernald.

-She also enjoyed the Austere Academy episodes, since she worked in public education for twenty years and knew exactly what Snicket was making fun of when it came to standardized testing. And her favorite disguise this season was Coach Ghengis (we’re Southern and that accent was too much).

-Does that heart carving mean that Olaf dated Georgina first, then...Josephine??? (when tf did THAT happen), then Kit? Was it him documenting crushes and not actual relationships? idk

-Jacques was such a cool, hip-happening smooth talker! Like that is NOT what I imagined him to be in the books but I like this interpretation.

-Ten years later and I still don’t know why Poe a) has that cough b) if it came from smoke inhalation, and c) why he doesn’t notice it. The show has not helped me, and has only reinforced this confusion (”You should get that cough checked out.” “What cough?”)

-Handler added more references to Judaism than what was in the books, which I think is cool. (Hector’s mom being fined for wearing white after Yom Kippur, Poe being singled out in school for not having a bar mitzvah, etc.)

-THAT (LITERAL) CLIFFHANGER THO

-I knew it was coming but it still got me. Can’t wait for Sunny to show off her cooking skills and hang out with Fernald. Also I can’t wait for the WMHBNB and the MWBBNH, and their scariness. Anyone who disturbs Olaf and Esme are not to be trifled with.

#asoue #asoue stuff #asoue netflix #a series of unfortunate events

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bowlegsinthebatcave · 7 years

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Joseph/Robert Head Canon Fic

So I bought Dream Daddy on Friday after work, sunk 17 hours into it between then and now, and decided to write my head canon for how Joseph and Robert get into a relationship that goes wrong. It relies heavily on the clues in the game and the datamined stuff, so if you don’t like that part of Dream Daddy, don’t read this. But really, it’s just pre-relationship fluff and a little bit of creep. Joseph is good!Joseph, coexisting with whatever is inside him that’s ruining his life and the lives of the other daddies, breaking down his marriage, and making him feel like he’s going crazy.

Thank you to the devs of this game for making something lighthearted and fun but also with undertones of angst and creep.

Robert is cute. <3

3 or 4 years ago, it’s difficult to remember these days, Robert arrived at Jim and Kim’s at his usual time on a Friday night. He greeted the bartender, Neil, with a nod, and before he even sat down, Neil had a double shot of whiskey and a napkin ready. The Game was playing on the beat-up, no-brand 32” tube TV hanging to the right of the top shelf of neatly arranged bottles of alcohol. It wasn’t a particularly busy night, which suited Robert fine.

Half an hour went by where Robert sat undisturbed, nursing the whiskey for longer than he meant to and more engrossed in The Game than he originally wanted to be. He didn’t hear his name when someone shouted it, not at first. He knew that his neighbors in the cul-de-sac all had a pretty low opinion of him in general, so he didn’t expect anybody to call out for him. When he bumped into one of the neighborhood dads at this place, it was purely by mistake and they would be polite, but give him the space they assumed he wanted.

He didn’t want space all the time and he didn’t know quite how to say that out loud without sounding like a charity case, so he stayed quiet and let them distance themselves from him.

“Robert!”

Robert snapped out of it and turned on the bar stool just enough to look over his shoulder towards the door, where Joseph Christiansen, the “Cool Youth Pastor” stood. He looked painfully out of place in a bar, with his perfectly coiffed blonde hair and stupid blue sweater from Abercrombie and Whoever the Fuck. The strangest part was that he was alone, not accompanied by one of the other neighborhood dads or Mary. And he was already heading in Robert’s direction.

“It’s nice to see a friendly face here,” Joseph said as he sat down, much to Robert’s bemusement, in the seat directly to the left of Robert’s.

“My face is friendly? This is breaking news.”

Robert didn’t think what he said was particularly funny, but Joseph apparently thought so. His mouth pulled into a huge grin full of pearly white teeth and then he laughed like it was the funniest thing he’d ever heard. Joseph might have been the most Stepford-looking sonofabitch that Robert’s ever seen, but there was something oddly endearing about the small wrinkles at the corners of his eyes when he laughed.

“What’ll you have, Joseph?” Neil asked.

Joseph’s laughter dissolved into an amused smile. “Two shots of tequila and a beer to start.”

That peaked Robert’s interest. Joseph was the epitome of the church-going, perfect father and self-proclaimed “Cool Youth Pastor”. The last thing that he ever expected to see was that type of man ordering two shots of tequila and a beer to start. If he were honest with himself, he’d say he was impressed.

“Bad day, Bible Man?” Robert asked before taking a generous swig of whiskey. He held up two fingers for Neil to see and felt satisfied when the bartender immediately started pouring him another double.

“You could say that.” Joseph didn’t offer up any details right away after that. He watched as Neil sat two shots of tequila and an open bottle of beer on the bartop in front of him, but didn’t make any move to drink them.

Robert didn’t really want to pry, so he settled for silently observing as Joseph stared at the alcohol in front of him. The entire mood of the man sitting next to him changed, Robert could feel it, and then he was curious.

“Hey Neil, you got any cut limes and salt around?” Robert asked.

Neil shrugged his shoulders and replied, “I got some whole limes in the fridge in the back.”

“Good, cut two up and bring them with some salt.”

Joseph didn’t look like he listened to the exchange at all. His downcast eyes were still fixated on the shots of tequila, his long fingers picking one up experimentally and then setting it back down.

Neil came back a minute or two later with slices of lime on a paper plate and a shaker of salt. He sat them down in between Robert and Joseph, looking a little confused as to who wanted them.

“Thanks Neil,” Robert said with a dismissive half-smile.

When Neil got the idea and walked away to the other end of the bar, Robert licked the back of his hand and shook some salt onto it. Then in one smooth move he grabbed one of the shots in front of Joseph, lapped up the salt from his skin in one go, downed the tequila, and popped a wedge of lime into his mouth to suck on. He hated tequila, just the smell alone elicited memories of very bad decisions and monumental hangovers, but he figured he could handle one shot to break the ice.

Joseph looked up at Robert, face looking more shocked than sullen. Robert continued to suck on the lime, holding Joseph’s gaze for way too long to be comfortable.

“I got into an explosive fight with Mary,” Joseph sighed.

Robert spat out the slice of lime and sat it on the bar. He wasn’t surprised that Joseph fighting with his wife was what pushed him to come to Jim and Kim’s. He’d never seen them fight in public, but the catty way they spoke to each other at the barbecues and kids’ birthday parties was enough of a clue. Robert carefully considered his next question.

“How bad was it?”

Joseph looked like he was thinking about how to answer, then grabbed a lime wedge and the salt shaker. He looked up at Robert and smiled sheepishly. It wasn’t enough to reabsorb the tears welling up in his eyes.

“How does it go again?” Joseph asked.

Robert eyed Joseph for a moment and grumbled, “Lick the back of your hand.”

Joseph did, tongue gliding wetly across his skin. Robert watched the motion intently, feeling the warmth of tequila and whiskey settling in his chest and lower belly.

“Salt it.”

Joseph obeyed, shaking salt onto his wet hand.

“Now lick the salt up, take the shot, and suck on a lime.”

Joseph didn’t hesitate a bit. He picked up the shot and followed Robert’s instructions, making a face at the sourness of the lime or the burn of the tequila, Robert didn’t know which.

“How many of those until I feel better?” Joseph asked, looking expectantly at Robert like he must know the answer.

“Alcohol isn’t meant to make you feel better about shit. It’s to help you forget shit.”

It turned out that there was a number of shots that made Joseph open up more, at least. That number was six. Robert promised himself not to pull any deep dark secrets out of a very drunk Joseph, but he couldn’t help it if Joseph offered them up without Robert prompting him to.

“She wants a divorce,” Joseph said, voice thick with emotion, his shoulder pressed against Robert’s. He had gradually slid more and more off of his chair as they drank and talked, half sitting on it and half relying on Robert to hold him up.

“Tell me if I’m going too far here, but doesn’t your Bible… uh, code? Code or whatever. Doesn’t that frown on divorce?” Robert asked.

Joseph laughed bitterly and tipped back some of his lukewarm beer. “I live my life according to God’s word every day. I gave up many things that made me happy to become a youth pastor. I made sacrifices each day, thinking that God would reward me with a healthy, happy family and a wife who would be my partner through thick and thin. Neither of those two things are true at this moment, so trust me when I say that God being disapproving of divorce is the least of my worries.”

“Sounds like you struck out on two of your three genie wishes.” Robert didn’t mean to sound like an insensitive ass, but he couldn’t help it. He imagined that drunk-Joseph wouldn’t take it too personal.

“In a way, yes. I guess I did.”

Over the next few hours, Joseph opened up to Robert like Robert was the priest and Joseph was the sinner at confession. It was surreal. Joseph had apparently confronted Mary at home about her shitty attitude towards him at a church event earlier in the day and the encounter escalated into a screaming match. Mary threw a wine glass at Joseph’s head, beaned him pretty good from what Robert could see of the bruise peaking out at Joseph’s hairline, and told him to leave for good.

The children were in the hallway listening in when it happened, which to Robert was the worst part. Joseph came around the corner to find them looking at him with tears in their eyes. Their creepy, soulless eyes, Robert thought, but that part wasn’t important. Children should never have to hear their parents shouting insults at each other.

It was close to two in the morning when Neil finally kicked them out. They stopped buying drinks an hour before that and they were the only people left in the bar, so Robert wasn’t surprised that they got the boot.

“Can you even walk on your own?” Robert asked Joseph as they stepped out of Jim and Kim’s.

Joseph nodded his head, which he looked like he immediately regretted. “Yeah, I’m great. Fine. Super. I’ll go home and sleep in the car.”

Robert watched as Joseph stumbled in the direction of the cul-de-sac, only able to make it a few feet before he tripped over his loafers and fell hard onto the asphalt. Perfect.

“It’s all over,” Joseph mumbled, staying on the ground.

“Come on, Abercrombie, let’s go,” Robert sighed, walking over to Joseph and putting his hands under Joseph’s armpits to help pull him to a sort of standing position. He wasn’t nearly as drunk as he should be at this time of night, and not even in the same galaxy as how drunk he would have to be to even consider offering Joseph a place to stay while things cooled off with Mary, but that’s exactly what his stupid brain decided he was going to do.

It took twenty minutes to walk the short distance to Robert’s house, thanks entirely to Joseph walking like a wasted frat girl and stopping every couple feet to comment on the world spinning. Joseph wasn’t as light or easy to maneuver as a frat girl. He was surprisingly solid underneath the stupid blue sweater and muscle was heavy, even heavier when you’re drunk and trying to haul it home with you.

They took an entire five minute break when Joseph put his mouth close to Robert’s ear, breath smelling like very bad decisions, and mumbled, “You’re so warm.” Robert had to give himself time to put the kibosh on half a boner before they could start moving again.

Robert had no idea how they finally managed to do it, but they reached his house and stopped at his front door.

“Joseph, can you stand on your own for ten seconds while I get my keys?” Robert asked. They were in the pocket of his jeans, on the side of him that Joseph was leaning against.

Joseph nodded and released Robert, putting his hands on the house to steady himself. Robert fumbled with his keys, but ultimately got the correct one in hand and unlocked the door.

To say that Robert’s house was a mess would be putting it lightly, which turned out to be a big problem when trying to maneuver through it in the dark with a drunk Bible thumper latched onto him. As they moved through the house, Robert remembered the biggest obstacle of all.

“Joseph.”

“Mm?”

“There’s… stairs,” Robert said, head starting to throb. “And you’re drunk and fucking heavy.”

The couch would be much more practical, but also so much more uncomfortable than his bed. He thought about just leaving Joseph on the couch and taking himself to bed, but Joseph looked so tormented and completely gone that Robert didn’t really want him to wake up on an unknown couch in an unknown house after a night he probably wouldn’t remember. Robert knew how that felt all too well.

Finding some last bit of strength, Robert pulled Joseph close to his side and carefully helped him walk up the stairs. It seemed like it took years instead of minutes, but they finally conquered the last step and stumbled into the bedroom.

At that point, Robert had enough of carrying Joseph and just sort of leaned him back until he fell ungracefully onto the bed. He landed with his head mostly on a pillow, so Robert considered it a success.

“Your bed?” Joseph slurred, not opening his eyes.

“Yeah, my bed. And you’ve got your shoes on still.”

There was no response, so Robert took the liberty of pulling off Joseph’s loafers one after the other and throwing them to land only God knows where. He reached for the button and zipper of Joseph’s stupid khakis, intending to pull them off in one go like a tablecloth from under dishes, but a warm hand stopped him.

In the dark, he could see that Joseph’s eyes were half open and he was propped up on one elbow. He didn’t look offended or scared, just strangely intense. Were his eyes always that dark? Robert wondered. The silence stretched between them, filled with unspoken things that Robert wasn’t expecting.

“You want to sleep with your pants on?” Robert asked bluntly, not moving his hand or breaking eye contact. He wasn’t really in the mood to have the ‘I don’t fuck people that are too wasted to walk five feet alone’ talk and he definitely wasn’t in the mood to have it with a married man at whatever o’clock, but he would do whatever it took to get into bed at that point.

Whatever was possessing Joseph seemed to leave him, because he shook his head once and laid back onto the bed. Robert took that as Joseph’s consent and he made quick work of the khaki pants, leaving those at the foot of the bed.

“You’re a briefs guy. I should’ve guessed.”

Joseph snored softly in response.

Robert took this opportunity to strip off his jeans and crawl into bed, made it to where his head would hit the pillow, and flopped onto his stomach. There were so many fucked up things with sleeping in the same bed as a married Christian dad whose wife was batshit crazy, but he was suddenly too tired to care. He fell asleep within seconds.

At some point during the night or the early morning, Robert briefly woke when he felt something warm pressing against the length of his side. Judging from the smell of Light Blue and very bad decisions, his sleep-addled brain told him it was Joseph.

As he thought about it for another few moments, Robert realized it was definitely Joseph. Joseph had shifted over towards Robert’s side of the bed and his back was facing Robert, but something seemed off.

“I don’t… want… I don’t want to…”

Great, he was a sleep talker. Robert rubbed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep, but Joseph mumbled again and his back twitched.

“Please… I love… I love her, don’t…”

Robert tried to remember where he kept the earplugs, if he even had any.

He didn’t have a lot of time to think about it before Joseph’s entire body spasmed and he started shaking.

“You don’t have a choice.”

Robert froze up and waited for Joseph to say something else. There was nothing else for a while except Joseph’s labored breathing and a ticking clock somewhere that Robert was going to throw away as soon as possible.

Joseph started to shake again, but Robert knew that this was different than whatever night terrors he had been experiencing. These were sobs wracking his body, accompanied by soft, stifled crying.

Robert didn’t need much more coaxing than that to turn onto his side, facing Joseph’s back. He wrapped an arm around his waist and pressed his lips to the back of Joseph’s neck, shushing him for a long time until the crying finally stopped, his breathing evening out and his body going lax in Robert’s hold.

When he was satisfied that Joseph had fallen back asleep, Robert thought about pulling away and turning over, but decided not to. There wasn’t any harm in spooning a married Christian dad with a batshit crazy wife, he supposed, even if Joseph said some scary shit in his sleep. Whatever demons haunted Joseph, Robert knew he couldn’t chase them away entirely, but hopefully he could keep them away until the morning.

Feeling completely exhausted and ready to sleep for a week, Robert pushed his nose into the hair at the nape of Joseph’s neck and fell asleep.

#dream daddy #dream daddy fanfic #joseph/robert

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spotlightsaga · 7 years

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Kevin Cage of @spotlightsaga reviews... F is For Family (S02E04) Night Shift Airdate: May 30, 2017 @Netflix @GaumontTV Ratings: Privatized @BillBurr @mikepriceinla Score: 8.75/10 @FYeahBill @FIFFNetflix TVTime/FB/Twitter/IG/Tumblr/Path/Pin: @SpotlightSaga **********SPOILERS BELOW********** 'Is my house clean?' No seriously, I'm gonna look up and you take a look in. I need to know... Can't go trouncing about town, especially the notorious 'Cocaine Cowboy City' of Miami with powder around the edges of my nostrils. I wouldn't think anyone, in any decade of existence, would want an onlooker seeing them trading coke for anything right out in the open... Whether that's in a record store, yes they still exist & I'm sure they would love a visit, or a street corner... I'd suggest visiting the record store over the street corner. Just as walking, talking, 'Teenage Turmoil', 'Trepidation Tornado' (Yeah, I'm also a sucker for wordplay), Kevin Murphy (Justin Long) is looking to make it big in what he sees as almost a dream world of sorts as a bonafide rockstar, he spots his well connected, high rolling neighbor, who is very much a part of that dream world, bribing an aggressively apprehensive DJ to play a pop record with a picture of a 'Teen Heartthrob' holding an adorable puppy on the front... But hey this is where they are in their lives. Pretty sure I've been lower. Vic (Sam Rockwell), along with the rest of the cast, has so much more room to breathe now that the series has been extended from 6-Episodes to the nicely rounded off number of 10 entries for S2. However, this means that Vic can no longer simply be that hurricane of a character, representing the perfect storm of carefree 1970's hedonism and indulgence. Suddenly, there are consequences for his actions and we are peaking into a long, dark tunnel where Vic is on the verge of an 'existential crisis'. No, there are no immediate repercussions for any of Vic's self destructive behaviors quite yet anyway, but the forlorn fates are written all over his face. Right now he's much closer to what we would refer to the point of 'existential dread' than we would call a full blown 'existential crisis'. The writers are smart though, they're giving you a peak of his cards without letting you see his full hand and that will surely create a helluva payoff when it it's finally time to pay the piper. That's a stark difference from a character that was once a quick, in & out, 2-D slice of animated comic relief. When it comes to television, cinema, film, real life, whatever... 'Existential' and 'Crisis' are literally my two favorite words in the English language, not only because they are so beautiful when paired together, but more so the fact that it's one thing Im actually good at. I know that's a really weird thing to be proud of, excited to dive into, or even claim to be 'good at'... But with all the LSD & DMT I've consumed in my life, I believe I've had more self-induced existential crisis and egodeath(s) than most of the worlds population. It's not just hallucinogenics and weird dissociatives, or even a finely tuned education in psychology & sociology that have made me an expert and lover of all things 'existential', it's also real life experience in all things crisis... Inner, outer, dramatic, and otherwise... I've always been dramatic, I got it from my mother, and her adoptive Mother... They are whatever is slightly above the 'every southern woman' version of Bette Davis & Joan Crawford. Everything is a spectacle, darling. Anxiety attacks are full on broadway performances, complete with Tony Awards, a nice Southern 'Wink', and a long list of 'Thank You's at the end... Oh and trips to the mall that start out sweet & fruitful and end in sheer terror. My Step-Father is more like the American Cherokee version of a cross between Tim Allen & Jim Gaffigan, if that makes sense. He has a traditional, signature style of humor that is both clean & observational and masculine & sometimes surprisingly crass, mainly due to his dual nature and long hard road from the cesspool of a nasty rock bottom to the heights of being a pillar of his community. There was a time in my life where these attributes all made me angry, just like Kevin. At that rebellious teenage age, if someone says go, you stop and if they say stop, you go. If a parental figure or an adult influence that we look up to makes a mistake, as a young adult many times we hold them to it unfairly... As if they're supposed to be perfect because they are the adult. As kids, we want to meet them halfway with unrealistic expectations. Essentially that's because adults meet their children and particularly teenagers with unrealistic expectations, themselves. Can't expect a toddler not to touch a hot stove, can't expect a little kid not to pick their nose (or worse), can't expect a teenager not to do usual teenager stuff, and we can't expect our parents to always remember all of that in times of stress. Looking back now (and let's hope Kevin moves forward to this place soon), I know that I learned the most from watching my parents make mistakes and subsequently finding a way to fix it, by any means necessary. Kevin is already sick over his issues with his dad, so he's practically ready to give up when he sees Vic forking over line after line until DJ Howlin' Hank (Josh Adam Meyers) would say he loves any record Vic gave him to play (yes, that includes records with vinyl covers that feature kids holding puppies that look like they "fell out of Donnie Osmond's pussy"). When one reaches the epiphany that hard work, talent, and actually being cool isn't what gets them to top, a breakdown of some sort is to be expected. Personally I've had this specific epiphany more than once (complete with influential dramatic Hollywood Breakdown), so a nice soul searching, ego shattering session of smoking weed (or simply insert alternative mind expansion drug here) his friends refer to as 'Oregon Gold dipped in Columbia River Salmon Piss' out of a baby doll made into a pipe is just what Kevin needs to push him to a point where he's ready to face this new, harsher, cruel world to get their band's ultimate goal achieved... Being played on the radio, preferably by DJ Howlin' Hank... Because, you know, at least they are 100% sure what it takes to make 'Hank Howl' (thanks, Vic)! So off the clueless teenage trio goes to score some blow. This should be good. Kevin has currently written off his father, Frank (Bill Burr), for his inability to accept a certain kind of defeat... Or better yet, I should say... Face his humility for a greater good and 'bite the bullet' at the unemployment office. He sees his father's stubborn pride as a weakness, when really like any human attribute, it's technically both a positive and a negative. The fact that Frank is lying to Sue (Laura Dern) about it, makes it all 100x worse, though... Creating a mountain blocking any possible view to see the silver lining. Frank taking a humiliating, lower paid job, just to avoid a handout is silly and ultimately a bit insane, but at least Frank is trying to do something instead of curling up into a corner & folding. Still, the whole ironic arrangement is not lost on us. Don't think for a moment that we won't be on the lookout for bumper stickers being sold at 'Hot Topic or 'Urban Outfitters' that say "Ask me about my Loser Husband's shit job!" Frank's insecurities and paranoia are officially at an all time high. His new boss Smoky (Michael Kenneth Williams) shows Frank the restrictive ropes of the world of vending machines, its many perks, and how to "Shove it. Slam it. Twist the lock. Stick the key inside your sock." Why can't the key just be on the key ring? Simple. "Because the rhyme came first, system came later." Frank is killing it, but an accident with the lock on the back door (see how important those rhymes are), ends up with the bag of change they've been collecting falling out of the back of the truck and finding it's way all over the dirty urban street. Frank goes into survival mode, scouring the street like a hardworking crackhead to recover the change. As this is happening, Kevin is out looking to score $10 worth of coke in the same seedy downtown neighborhood. Last time I checked $10 won't get you a bag of coke, and I live in a city where cocaine is easier to get than the attention of a bartender, and cheaper to get than a simple single liquor cocktail. These three young clowns mistake a pimp for a drug dealer and one of the funniest scenes of the series commences when the 'white' they are all so ready to score turns out to be an obese, Caucasian, $10 prostitute that has difficulties keeping one of her titties inside of her blouse. As the trio scrambles to escape the low rent hooker who offers to 'fuck them all if they have a sandwich bag', they end up passing Frank digging for nickels on the side of the street. Ok, ok... This is obviously the worst possible scenario for Kevin, but his frustrations lead him to march into the radio station with his band's demo tape in hand, demanding to be heard. Fuck the system, right? Everything might be going to shit for the characters in the Netflix Original 'F is For Family', but when you are down on your luck and you don't even know why you're stuck in a meaningless, chaotic existence... Suddenly an existential crisis becomes your best friend. Frank's embarrassing dedication to picking up the change in the street leads him to secure the job of no one's dreams, Sue has a sudden idea for a product invention when going through the mundane process of drying out her lettuce while making dinner salads, and Kevin's frustration & desperation pay off after the boys tune in to hear Vic use a two syllable taste of their song to introduce the weather segment. To three young boys with a pipe dream that's like the equivalent of being featured on MTV's 'Total Request Live' in 1999. Recently I've watched a friend go through a horrible incident and face their mortality. Suddenly that person is trapped in an existential nightmare... 'What's any of this worth if it really doesn't lead to anything, if we are all biding our time on this earth until the Grim Reaper comes-a-knocking anyway?' And that's just the base of it. We've all got our existential and emotional baggage to deal with, but it's the unexpected moments when you're at your lowest point that suddenly remind us that even tho we might all just be going through the motions and repeating history over and over, sudden sparks of light can suddenly reignite your passion for life... Its as all as easy as that, or as difficult as that, whichever way you want to look at it. Like Frank said in the beginning of FIFF's 'Night Shift', "I woulda killed myself, but I don't want to haunt my own house." **********Written By: Kevin Cage********** Special Thx: TVTime, Bill Burr, Michael Price, Jerry Wilson, Kat Holiday, Chad Rigsby... Dedicated to: Denver G. Pratt http:://www.tvtime.com http://www.spotlightsaga.com http://www.facebook.com/SpotlightSaga http://www.facebook.com/groups/ArtsEntertainment

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surveystodestressme · 7 years

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47.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 8

701. What is your favorite mixed drink? i like sex on the beach a lot but i honestly like a lot of mixed drinks 702. When answering these questions are you often pulled in different directions, as if committing to one answer eliminates the possibility for all others? nahh, i try not to put too much thought into my decisions lol 703. Chicken Mesala, Pasta Primavera, Veal Cutlet Parmesan or Linguini with Clam Sauce? i don’t know what any of these are. i guess pasta primavetra 704. If you were alone in your friend’s house/room/apartment would you look in their drawers and notebooks? i’d probably just watch tv

705. What would you really like to do but you don’t because you are afraid of getting caught? gamble??? lol idk

706. Of the following, which word best describes you: responsible: this one i guess spontaneous: tactful: uninhbited: 707. Which band would you most likely check out? The Smiths (indi-pop 80’s-90’s) probably this one The Lords of Acid (acid/house/dance 90’s) Front 242 (80’s-90’s industrial/dance) 708. How can one put an end to procrastination, as a bad habit? commit to everything that you ever need to get done 709. What feature would you want on your car that is not currently offered? well, i don’t have a car but if i did i would want bluetooth so i can always listen to my own music 710. What kind of poetry speaks to you? i don’t like poetry 711. What is your favorite store that is open 24 hours? uh... walmart? i guess 712. Do you find that sleep is just so much sleepier when you are supposed to be doing something else? absolutely 713. Do you also find that the books you chose are so much more luscious when you have a stack of actual assignments that you Should be reading? lol i mean kind of? 714. If you have had the chance to compare the original 5000 Question Survey to this edited version, what is your opinion? i haven’t done the originial so i have no idea honestly 715. What’s the most creative answer you can think of for ‘what is black and white and red all over’? a sunburnt penguin 716. Why do people slow down on the highway when they pass a cop car pulling someone else over? just to be cautious, i guess 717. Are they afraid that the cop will STOP pulling over whoever he is pulling over and pull them over instead? possible, i guess 718. It’s daddy’s birthday. What do you get him? something sports related 719. What’s your 5,000 question survey nickname? Look at the word next to the 2nd letter of your first name A anything but B bubalicious C captivating D deadly E erotic F funky G greasy H heaps of I indie J jelly K kinetic L lasher M Mr. (or Mrs.) N neglected O ogre-like P parading Q quacking R Rico S stinky T the one and only U uber V Velcro W wishing for X x-tra Y yearning for Z zoobalee Now take the first letter of your last name. A aardvarks B baboo C creme pie D drag queen E eggbert F flex G god H hell I Isabelle J juice K kisses L lightning M mannish boys N nice O octopi P porcupines Q q-bert R rainbows S suave T tushy U underwear V valor W weenie X xtc Y yohimbe Z zipper Put the two words together for your nickname. indie creme pie 720. You know that shaky feeling that you get when it’s all coming to a climax, and everyone involved is breaking into the good kind of cold sweat, working as individuals and at the same time as a single force of energy, and it all meshes together, and for a brief moment, you’re holding your breath and tingling all over, and after it’s done you’re on an explosive and dizzying high for the rest of the night? What does that feeling come from? drugs prolly 721. How many of your teachers can you imagine drinking or doing drugs on the weekends? definitely some of my high school teachers 722. Do you like Alice in Wonderland or Through the Looking Glass? i like alice in wonderland 723. Write a question and answer it here. what do you want to be doing right now? eating 724. Who is your favorite playwright? i don’t have one 725. What movie has come out recently that you couldn’t have less interest in? there are so many lol 726. What would the worst movie ever be about? poop 727. Do you like truffles? Do you like Turkish delight? not a huge chocolate person 728. Can you tell the difference between a transvestite and a real woman? it doesn’t really matter if i can or not 729. What’s funnier, plants or fire extinguishers? lol neither? 730. For question 720 did you write down sex? You pervert, I was thinking of musical theater. i didn’t actually 731. Which is better, leopard print or plaid? plaid for sure 732. What would you consider ordinary? blondes 733. What is out of the ordinary? dogs with sweaters 734. Do you ever watch COPS? I FUCKING LOVE COPS 735. Is there always room for j - e - l - l - o? i hate jello 736. If you had your own TV show, what kind of show would you make it? a horror drama 737. Do you know how heavy things like airplanes stay in the air? buoyancy??? idk if that even makes sense 738. When do you act the most dramatic? every single day of my entire life 739. Are you one of those people who have, “see photo id,” written on the back of their credit cards? i don’t think so 740. It’s mom’s birthday. What do you get her? she’s hard to shop for so idk, i’d probably ask 741. What celebrity has pretty much disappeared leaving you wondering 'where are they now’? amanda bynes 742. Would you get angry if you and your girl/boyfriend saw the preview for a movie and talked about seeing it together and then they saw it with one of their friends while you were busy? jack has done that before lol. except with his mother and i was a lil mad because we talked about seeing it and he went without me but it ended up being a good movie and he took me later that week or something 743. How many people do you think will finish this whooooooole survey? not many, i’d say 744. Have you ever written a message, sealed it in a bottle and thrown it into a river/lake ocean? nah. 745. If you haven’t would you want to? sure 746. If you ever did what would you write? something significant 747. What do you wish you could always be protected from? death 748. What small thing annoys you so much it should be a crime? when people chew with their mouth open 749. Would you rather watch a video of fish in a tank, or the Yule log on TV? fish in a tank 750. Is it better to be loved or feared? loved 100% 751. What causes you to panic? lots of things man 752. Do you believe that you have a strong personality? i think so? unless that’s a bad thing lol 753. When Jesus saves souls…does he trade them in for valuable prizes? idfk man, do i look like jesus? 754. What resolutions would you make if it were new years? lose weight or at least get in better shape 755. Why wait? bc i’m lazy 756. Do you feel like time is on your side or working against you? working against me most of the time 757. What do you do for yourself when you are down to put a little joy back into your life? watch something or read something 758. How much Tolkien have you read? i don’t even know what that is 759. These are the songs on the radio. Which are you most likely to listen to: Time Bomb by Rancid Dead Man’s party by Oingo Boingo The Sun Always Shines on TV by A-ha this one 50 Ways to leave Your Lover by Paul Simon Run by collective Soul 760. Do you believe that Jesus existed as a real person? no 761. Do you believe he was the son of god? idfk dude 762. How do you feel about organized religion? i don’t care 763. What sentence have you heard lately, that would sound pretty odd out of context? idk 763. If you had to choose one image to be a symbol of our times, what would you pick? a cat 764. Name a group of people: crowd 765. How many of them does it take to screw in a light bulb? one, hopefully 766. Do you like the movie The Labyrinth with David Bowie and some muppets? never seen it 767. Do you like the movie The Dark Crystal? never seen it. 768. Metallica or Guns N’ Roses? metallica 769. Do you follow the Chinese zodiac? i used to 770. Do you like reggae music? not really. 771. What makes your life worth it every day? getting to see the ones i love 772. Do you seize each day and sink your teeth into it? sure 773. I’ve heard people say that Jim Morrison never yawned because he was just so full of life. How often do you yawn? every single day 774. Who decides what behavior is 'crazy’ or 'sane’? anyone who wants to i suppose 775. Who are the most inspiring artists, musicians, poets, and writers? oh there’s tons. robin williams was always an inspiration to me and so was van gogh. 776. Did anything historically significant happen in the year you were born? not that i know of 777. Besides blowing out birthday candles when do you make wishes? on shooting stars whenever i see them 778. Are you self-sufficient? i try to be 779. Is it better to be wanted or needed? wanted 780. What do you feel is an appropriate age to lose one’s virginity at? whenever they are ready 781. Do you feel that the appropriate age for girls and for boys is different? no 782. Are you a hard person to get to know? i don’t think so. i’m an open book 783. What is the craziest thing you have ever done out of anger? hurt myself 784. What’s the MOST annoying sound you can think of? nails on a chalkboard 785. What’s the silliest vegetable you can think of? idk 786. Do you believe in love at first sight? not really 787. Name one thing you have referred to in the past as “better than sex”: food lol 788. What do you see when you turn out the light? it’s dark so probably not a lot 789. Do you like jazz, blues and/or swing music? nope 790. Do you prefer gold or silver jewelry? silver 791. In what ways do you want your children to be like you? i don’t want children 792. In what ways would you want your children to be different from you? ^ 793. What was the scariest movie you’ve ever seen? back when i was little freddy kreuger scared the actual shit out of me 794. What was the funniest movie you’ve ever seen? grown ups or horrible bosses 795. What was the worst movie you’ve ever seen? the haunting of molly hartley 796. Are you a good massage-giver? i think so. 797. What is one question that no one can ever truthfully answer 'yes’ to? if they know everything 798. Is there more to this world than human beings can perceive? of course there is 799. If matter is neither created nor destroyed then is it possible that you are made up of molecules that once made up Ghandi or Jesus or Einstein? sure why not? 800. Are you often sarcastic? pretty often.

#bored #quiz #questions #survey

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