#So Jason is unfortunately tasked with teaching Tim.

[raeofgayshine]

Wish there was a way to begin to explain what happened tonight during stream because there’s some kind of gold in Jim thinking that Riddler is fairy (like tinkerbell) but everyone else just thinks he’s calling Ed a slur and the pipeline it leads down, connecting to Bruce thinking babies come from kissing, all the way to Jim asking Ed and Oswald if Tim was “their fairy baby and Tim telling Steph “I think Jim just called me a fairy.” Steph: “sorry you had to find out this way, but we all kind of knew.”

[dairy-farmer]

I need ClarkTim with babysitter Tim. Imagine during his early Robin days, Bruce is mad at Tim and tells him he needs to learn how to be responsible. The mistake was pretty minor but Bruce was all angsty and angry during those days. He tells Tim to go home and that he's suspended from work.

Bruce and Clark meet up later. Bruce vents about his reckless Robin. Clark knows his friend is in the wrong but he thinks it would be best if Robin and Batman to have some space for a while so that they could cool off and that Robin deserves to take a break from Gotham. He offers to help teach Robin some responsibility by making him babysit Jon. That's what his Ma and Pa would've done for him had his powers not pop up unexpectedly. Granted, he would've been 16 at that time and not 13. But Bruce agrees that it's a great idea.

So Tim shows up in their quaint apartment home in Metropolis just as he and Lois were about to leave for date night. Tim clearly doesn't want to do this but he was determined to prove Bruce wrong. It was quite a mess when they came back but it was not that bad for a 13 year old taking care of a 5 year old for the first time.

It becomes a thing where Bruce would send Tim over when he's mad at him. And it became an even more regular thing when Clark and Lois divorced and Bruce realized that Tim has a tendency to overwork himself and that kids shouldn't be vigilantes in the first place. Tim is still Robin but he doesn't come out every night now or doesn't fight crime at night for a long time since watching over Jon is a tiring task.

Clark sometimes miss Lois. There were days where Jon was just not having it and Clark dearly misses having a partner in crime. In those days, he's so grateful for the arrangement he made with Bruce. It was a relief to come home and not worry that Jon got hurt and is full and asleep in his bed. It made Clark's heart beat fast when he sees Tim working on a case next to Jon, all so serious. He has that same look that he gets when Lois was writing or reporting on an issue.

One night, the JL are having a bit of a get together. Tim is back at Clark's apartment watching over Jon so Clark decided he can let loose and get drunk. When he came back home, he finds Jon asleep in his own room. He went to check on Tim but he was so drunk that he found himself groping and soon humping his son's sleeping babysitter. It's been so long since he got laid. Tim has always been so good with Jon, can't he be good with this too?

-🦆

yessssssssssss clarktim is such a good one!!!! add in the whole 'babysitter' aspect and its soooo gooodd!!!!!!!!!

i really love the idea that bruce was not the easiest to deal with when tim started as robin and it ends up setting the tone or veering them towards a path that will cause problems in the future. bruce snapping at tim for being irresponsible definitely makes sense to me! bruce probably isn't thinking about how tim is only thirteen so of course he's irresponsible and he's also probably not considering about how if it were jason or dick in front of him he wouldn't have ripped into them the way he did to tim.

but it's a small thing, a thing that has no greater impact or effect that ends up setting bruce off the edge and he just yells at tim for it before sending him home for the night and telling him to not show his face for a few days because he was just so mad. and it's not what tim did that drove him to the edge, tim was just the unfortunate recipient of a lot of bottled up feelings because bruce had run into a case about homeless children in gotham being found frozen to death as snow melted around the city and his mind had gone to jason and about how he could've been one of them if bruce had not met him in the fall right before the weather turned chilly.

bruce has been more isolated since jason's death but tim had pushed him to reconnect with his colleagues and friends. given that he's been shunned from the cave tim takes to texting dick, asking if he could please check up on bruce because he's a bit upset with tim right now. but dick is busy and normally he'd follow through with the request because it was tim asking him. but he's traveling out of state for a case and can't so...dick calls clark. he asks clark to check on bruce because bruce still hasn't reached out much, miserable and angsty as he is. and clark jumps on the oppertuniy because he doesn't feel right just flying to gotham without an invitation but he's doing a favor for dick then it should be fine!

bruce doesn't really mean what he says about tim. calling him irresponsible and on some level he knows it's so utterly wrong to badmouth another cape to clark, especially one working under him and especially one so young but...bruce can't help it. he's just SO outraged and mad and in a few weeks he'll feel bad about everything he said and he'll grimace at his behavior and he'll do his best to make sure something like that never occurs again because tim hadn't deserved to be treated like that.

but in the moment clark nods and listens even if he internally frowns at bruce's words. clark hasn't met this new robin and he knows that bruce isn't like this normally and feels a pang of pity for this new robin to be dealing with this more volatile bruce. clark doesn't want to overstep. he knows it will do more damage than good so scolding bruce, telling him not to treat the 'poor kid' that way will just serve to alienate bruce farther and maybe even put the young robin into even more hot water with his boss....so clark considers what his parents would do if they were in his shoes.

bruce is clearly doing better than the last time clark has seen him. but...he's also clearly still struggling and maybe having his robin peeking over his shoulder is making him more tense than normal. and maybe the fact that his robin is on holiday break and spending more time in the manor with bruce also has something to do with it.

so...clark makes a proposition. he offers to help teach bruce's robin some lessons in responsibility, just something small like...babysitting. it's an age-appropriate task for someone like tim and he and lois were starved for a date night. raising a child in the city was hard given that clark's family was so far away and lois's family were in another state.

plus it's not like jon was a baby, at five he was perfectly capable of doing things like going potty, requesting snacks or juice, turning the tv on to his favorite channels, and reading simple books. thirteen may have been a little young and clark himself hadn't babysat a neighbor's kid since he was at least sixteen but- bruce agrees. he nods in agreement at the task and gets this tightened-jaw look when he says that maybe tim will learn some responsibility like this.

after that bruce shoos him away. bruce never gives a date tim will show up, doesn't discuss baby sitting rates, never brings up transportation but all that gets answered a few nights later when clark ominously recieves a text from bruce that says 'he's here.'

he and lois were still in their work clothes and had just had plans to order in some dinner when the knock on their door came.

apparently bruce dropped tim off just outside the city with some vague directions to clark and lois's apartment. tim had just learned he'd been volunteered to babysit and that this was his punishment for his behavior a few days ago. clark cringed at tim's words and felt a bit guilty at the resigned look on the robin's face. lois peeked over clark's shoulder and he saw her eyes sparkle in interest at tim's explanation for his presence.

despite tim's clear displeasure clark does his best to be friendly as he shows tim to a small printed out list on the refridgerator of all their emergency numbers before introducing him to jon who seems very curious about this new stranger.

for the first time in...years he and lois go out on a date. lois seems very content to enjoy her chinese food in a restaurant in peace without having to continue returning jon to his seat because he kept trying to speed over to the tv to watch his show. still clark can't help but think about tim and how he's doing. he keeps an ear open to listen as tim teaches jon some memory game and as a result keeps missing what lois is saying.

when clark had opened the door from tim's knocking he....he'd admit that he'd blinked a little in shock because tim was A LOT smaller than clark had been expecting. tim had long, dark curtain bangs and big blue eyes with fluttery lashes. his small pout had been visible with pink, full lips and he'd had his arms crossed across his chest while dressed in a black metal band t-shirt and brown cargo pants. he'd looked painfully normal. like every other moody teenager clark passed on the street and knowing he was robin really sent clark's brain for a loop.

the night ends quite uneventfully and by the time clark and lois return jon is already in bed and tim is quietly sitting on the couch glaring down at his phone where he's furiously typing.

while lois heads to bed clark decides to walk tim back out the city limits because even though this was a punishment and tim was likely more than capable of taking care of himself, clark didn't feel it right to send a kid to walk out on metropolis streets all alone when it was after midnight.

the walk is silent but eventually clark manages to get tim venting about bruce and all his jerky ways and how he volunteered tim to be an unpaid babysitter as some kind of "lesson".

"no offense mr. kent" tim quickly offered, soft round cheeks blossoming to pink with embarrassment.

"none taken." clark softly assures the teen while frowning internally at bruce. clark had suggested babysitting as a good way to learn responsibility because it had been what he'd done. but clark had also been paid. sure it had only been ten bucks but that had been enough for him to feel accomplished and mature. it had made him feel grown up to have done a real job and received recognition for it. it was one thing if tim was made to babysit as a punishment but making him do it without a reward or payment would just teach tim that adults could make him do anything they wanted and he couldn't complain. clark knew he'd blown the last of his cash on dinner with lois so instead he fumbled for the fortune cookies he'd stuffed in his pocket earlier and pathetically offered it to tim with a sheepish thanks.\

thankfully tim doesn't do that crinkle-browed expression of irritation that bruce does sometimes. he takes clark's sad offering and begins thoughtfully chewing on one of the cookies while staring down at the little fortune slip he'd gotten from cracking it open.

"it wasn't all that bad," tim softly offered, "jon's a cute kid and i liked hanging out with him."

at that clark smiled and agreed before slowing to a stop beside the 'welcome to metroplis!' billboard.

a dark, black car was parked on the side of the road and tim let out a put upon sigh when it flashed its headlights at them. clark gave a jaunty wave and the car angrily revved in response. tim sighed and started off at a jog, turning back to yell a thanks to clark for walking with him.

clark watches them both go, not even flinching when bruce's disguised batmobile does an illegal u-turn on the empty street.

for the rest of the month he and lois have a somewhat steady babysitter, something lois is grateful for so they can both pull some late nights at the planet since tim is in charge of picking jon up from elementary school and taking him back to the apartment to do his homework, then to feed him dinner, and then put him to bed.

the first time tim picked jon up from school he'd picked the lock to their apartment because lois kept forgetting to put the spare key back under the mat because she kept losing her set. after that happened again a few more times clark ended up making tim a copy of the apartment key, sliding it to him and asking him to promise not to tell lois because she'd feel guilty at having locked them both out.

(plus clark hadn't wanted to rehash the whole housekey argument about lois forgetting, losing, always needing clark to drop what he was doing and speed back for the one little thing)

a few times tim acts as an overnight babysitter for them because clark has been called off planet and lois doesn't want to have to drop out of yet another conference where she's a key speaker.

clark is grateful to have tim, lois is as well.

but then bruce works through whatever issue he was having with tim and the two of them lose their favorite (only) sitter. it's not easy getting a sitter for jon. he's young and although he hasn't shown any signs yet clark doesn't want to risk jon's powers potentially manifesting when a random teenager is in the house. jon is also yet unaware that his father is superman (as much as he loves him clark knows how children are with secrets). having tim provided much needed relief for clark and lois and losing him throws a bit of a wrench in their routines.

clark knows he and lois have been having...issues. neither of them are as young as they used to be and the problems of their youth seem so far away with new concerns. as dumb 20-somethings neither of their egos had clashed or been points of contention but...now...lois is missing opportunities because clark can't be there to pick up the slack. lois is being offered the opportunity to be an investigative journalist on a team looking to expose deep-veined corruption overseas. it's a job that would take her out of metropolis for months at a time. but sometimes superman is called out of the city as well. sometimes he spends days away in foreign countries offering relief aid with natural disasters, sometimes the justice league needs to send him and a few other heavy hitters off planet. and if lois takes that job then...who will watch jon? they can't drop him off at his parent's house. what about his schooling? plus clark's parents are older, more fragile. they can't be running around after a five year old all the time. why don't lois's parents move closer? it might make it easier on the family. well they can't do that for the same reason they can't have a normal sitter. the same reason lois can't befriend the other moms at jon's school and the same reason that the only friends lois has are clark's friends.

occasionally bruce will have a fight with tim. they'll butt heads for one reason or another and he and lois will have a babysitter again and it will soothe away some of the arguments they'd been having. soon bruce seems to pull his head a bit out of his ass and makes it so tim is only patrolling a certain number of times a month. it frees up more of his time and pretty soon tim is not a rare sight in their apartment, occasionally even spending days there when he and lois are both taken out of the city. but they're reassured with the fact that tim is present to take care of jon and watch over him to make sure he doesn't get hurt.

maybe having tim around delays the inevitable but at some point over the years, he and lois can no longer put it off.

the divorce does not bring great relief or happiness. it's a miserable affair. clark does love lois and she him but...they're not twenty anymore. they've grown apart and they want different things and...it just wasn't working. any longer and they would've grown to hate each other and neither of them wanted that.

but clark is now 37 and divorced with primary custody of his son. it was decided that it was best that jon remain with clark and in metropolis since lois would be moving around a lot. lois sets off to war-torn countries and politically tense situations having finally accepted the offer from a group of journalists. she calls often and face times jon weekly but its clear to anyone that jon takes their separation and eventual divorce hard.

clark makes a deal with bruce following a night that bruce invites him into his office at the manor for a drink. tim by that point was basically the only person clark trusted enough to watch his kid so it was decided that when the justice league needed to send him somewhere or some major disaster was occurring at the other side of the planet- then bruce would drop tim off at clark's apartment to watch jon.

anything else probably would've made jon's recent behavior problems worse. jon knew tim so he wouldn't catch an attitude with him like he had with his teachers and classmates. clark knew that it was because of the divorce that jon was acting out, throwing tantrums, and refusing to listen to him because of that...but it still didn't make it any easier.

tim being present makes it easier. without lois a lot of the load for maintaining the household falls to him now that she's gone. clark now has to go to work, clock out in time so he can race to the grocery store, the bank, the dry cleaners. clark has to make sure he's getting jon's favorite foods so that they don't end up sitting on the shelves, clark has to remember to send the mortgage check, to pay utilities on the first of every month.

it's a lot. and it's easier to know that by the time clark crawls through the door that jon's homework will be done, that he'll have eaten dinner, that the apartment will be cleaned up with dishes put away, and that jon will be curled up and asleep by his bedtime.

clark thanks his lucky stars that jon looks up to tim and listens to him. he might be the only one jon actually obeys and clark is thinking about begging tim to know his secret.

sometimes clark is early arriving back home and he walks into an apartment where dinner is still cooking in the oven and jon and tim are quietly working side by side at the living room table while the tv plays some boring news station.

jon is intently focused on his phonics workbook and tim is zeroed in on about half a dozen case files spread around him while furiously typing on his laptop. there's a cooling mug of honey tea on one coaster and a glass of blue raspberry kool-aid on another.

it's a sight that makes clark's chest hurt at the memory of lois doing something the similar. tim bites down on his bottom lip and has a furrow between his brow as he glares down at his case just like she does when she's encountered something particularly difficult.

clark savors the dinners of when he gets home early. often times tim will make a roast of some kind. either chicken or beef along with some vegetables. other times he'll make a pasta dish or some fish. a few times he makes an excellent meatloaf. apparently tim had requested cooking lessons from alfred because he hadn't wanted to only make jon mac and cheese or frozen dinners.

usually he and lois would order food or settle for frozen meals. it's...nice to come home to a home-cooked dinner just like when he was a kid. jon also seems to adore it, cleaning his plate of everything tim makes even things he'd insisted that he hated.

"i thought you didn't like peas?" clark softly asked, a fond smile tugging at his lips as jon shoveled them into his mouth by the spoonful.

"i like these peas," jon huffed, turning pink, "these peas taste good."

whenever jon got a tv dinner with peas he'd pout and whine until either clark or lois scraped them off his mashed potatoes and onto their own trays. but tim's peas were happily eaten with gusto.

clark helps tim clean and wash up while jon watches his cartoons having already finished his homework. having someone beside him...quietly working while the radio on top of the microwave played classic rock...it was...nice. it did a good job of healing some of that aching loneliness in clark's chest. it wasn't just that he missed lois, he missed...the companionship, having someone at his side cracking jokes or snickering at clark's obliviousness.

clark misses that closeness, that familiarity, the feeling of another person beside him.

tim is a nice fixture in his and jon's life and clark doesn't want to ruin that by...by making it weird and talking about how tim reminds clark of his wife.

tim starts talking about possibly taking jon to the park the next time he comes by because jon seems a little pent up being stuck in the apartment all day and clark's brain leaps on the distraction to pull away from his thoughts and the hyper awareness he feels at every brush of tim's bare arm against the skin from clark's rolled up sleeves.

something ends up happening in gotham and tim is gone for weeks and in that time things with jon spill over. jon ends up breaking several dinner plates when he throws a tantrum over not wanting pizza again even though clark hadn't had time to cook after rushing to pick jon up from after-school care. clark loses his temper and ends up sending jon to his room without dinner which makes jon breakdown crying.

clark cleans up the mess in the kitchen, sweeping up glass and throwing out the flipped over box of pizza. he doesn't notice he's crying until he wipes his hands on his shirt and goes to push back his hair only to feel the warm tears on his cheeks.

clark is not adjusting well to single parenthood. he thinks of calling lois before remembering that it's the middle of the night in her time zone. he thinks of calling his parents before pushing it away because they'd just want to come and see him, but the drive would be too much for pa.

clark stands in that empty kitchen, listening to his child muffle their sobs into their pillow before he picks up the cordless phone hanging on the wall and dialing a number he knows by heart.

it's probably incredibly inappropriate, clark is probably crossing several boundaries, he might even strain his relationship with tim by burdening him with his struggles as a parent but....but tim knows jon and...and clark is just so lost and desperate for any kind of help. jon's on the verge of getting suspended, clark has already had to beg the principal for leniency twice.

tim picks up and he and clark spend several hours on the phone once he hears the emotion in clark's voice. by the end clark has a list of therapists in the metropolis area to call in the morning and he learns that tim, as a kid, had struggled with his own resentful feelings towards his parents because they'd often leave him home alone or in the care of a nanny or ship him off to boarding school. tim had struggled for a long time about his feelings of resentment towards his parents and wanting them to go away while also wanting them to come back and be with him.

in the morning clark apologizes to jon for raising his voice and promises not to do it again while also telling him that his behavior the night before hadn't been acceptable and that he could've hurt himself or tim if he'd been there. jon's eyes well up with tears and clark holds him while saying that jon's having a tough time and that he's so sorry that he hadn't helped him sooner.

a few more weeks later and jon has settled into weekly therapy appointments to help him cope with his parent's divorce. lois is saddened to hear about jon's freakout that prompted it but seems happy to hear that clark has decided to get him into therapy.

clark doesn't mention about how it had been tim's idea, stemming from tim musing that he wished he'd have gotten therapy as a child to deal with his parent's frequent absence in his life. he doesn't know why he doesn't tell her or anyone about that phone call with tim that had dragged on late into the night. it's not like clark had done anything...wrong.

but still clark doesn't mention it. not even to bruce who he shares monitor duty for the next week. it probably would've been wise. to let bruce know that clark had called his robin on the phone late at night and spent hours on the line with him. but he hadn't

a little while later tim returns to babysitting duties. every night before he leaves to go back to gotham he quietly asks if clark is okay, leaning in close with a low whisper and asking clark if everything is alright. that night...on the phone...tim had wanted clark to promise that he'd call tim if he ever felt overwhelmed again.

bruce had relegated tim to desk work when he wasn't out on patrol so it's not as though it would be some great sacrifice for tim to come over and help him out.

clark had thought about it but...but he hadn't wanted to take advantage of tim. tim already did so much for him. including beginning to freeze dinners for him and jon. clark returns home one night to find jon and tim intently focused on spooning, cutting, wrapping, and stacking various dishes into different tupperwares to be frozen. clark watches with wide eyes as tim points to the various tubs explaining how clark only needs to reheat the food or stick it in the oven for a nice hot home cooked meal when tim's not around.

tim even premakes sandwiches for him and jon to take to school and to work. a cubicle neighbor raises a brow at clark's bacon, pear, and fig sandwich on artisan bread.

"you get yourself a girlfriend kent?"

the questions makes clark flounder because it was true that tim did a lot of things that were....girlfriend-like. but the question just has him turning red and sputtering.

after a while clark starts getting the hang of it. he asks perry for a list of different positions at the planet aside from a field reporter and eventually applies for an internal position that will allow him to work from home some weeks and only have to go into the office a handful of days. clark sets up an account at the grocery store and prepays in advance to have his groceries delivered to his door. clark switches to an online bank and arranges for all his bills to be automatically withdrawn from his account. clark starts taking a more active role in his home, trying to vacuum up visible dust, cleaning plates when he sees them, and doing a load of laundry or dirty towels before the pile gets too big. clark even starts making jon's breakfast and lunch for him now that he's not rushing them both out the door in the morning.

clark, for the first time, starts to feel like he's in control ever since the divorce. he even signs jon up for soccer, organizing a carpool with the other moms who sympathize with him about being a solo parent.

clark joins the pta, volunteers for the annual bake sale, attends jon's games.

by the time tim returns for the next cycle of babysitting clark is blushing while carefully serving him and jon some casserole (ma's signature recipe). jon excitedly tells tim all about his teammates and games and about how dad had even promised to sign up jon for swimming when the summer came!

tim is smiling and clark can see the happiness in tim's eyes as jon happily reports everything that's happened these last few weeks.

once jon goes to bed clark is excited to tell tim about all the changes he's made. clark hasn't even gotten around to telling bruce or lois about the job change but for some reason he really wants tim to know he's doing better. that he's not that crying father calling him for help.

it's not always smooth sailing. sometimes jon gets into one of his moods and sometimes clark has a busy week but it always works out in the end and tim is always a relief to see.

maybe it's the fact that clark is finally...comfortable that he accepts the invitation to the justice league mixer. mixers are usually light hearted get-togethers with food, laughs, and lots of alcohol. thanks to bruce and oliver this means clark and the others get to sample some really nice alcohol and none of that cheap stuff they all consumed in college. tim is babysitting for clark that night and is even going to be staying the night since he and bruce are in another cold war (how someone could ever fight with someone as great as tim clark had no idea!). and this is the first-night clark has had to himself in a while so...he lets loose. normally it takes a lot of alcohol for clark to get drunk but awhile back bruce had reverse engineered a poison compound that amplified alcohol in his system by 100. now he offered it in the form of a pill to clark in the bathroom, passing it over to him with sleight of hand like he was a fratboy offering ecstasy to an initiate.

clark gets wonderfully drunk, the stage of drunk where everything is hilarious and the world is tilted a little to the right. the stage of drunk where his head is all floaty and he feels like he's flying even though his feet are on the ground.

it's the middle of the night by the time the party has fizzled out and many of the leaguers have claimed chairs or passed out on training mats if they haven't made it to the dorms at the tower. the beds at the tower are too narrow for clark to comfortably sprawl so he says slurred goodbyes to a passed out green lantern and flash, waves to diana who is smiling and pleased with the company of all her friends, and slides past bruce who is pretending to not be drunk as he leans against a wall. clark flys back to metropolis slowly and careful not to bump into any buildings before entering through his bedroom window he left unlocked.

like a toddler with uncoordinated hands, clark strips out of his suit and leaved it as a pile on the floor until he's only in his boxers, the open window blowing in a soft city breeze. with light feet, clark tiptoes to his bedroom door and pushes it open to reveal the darkened highway. before settling to bed he just wants to make everything is order.

the smoke detector is working, the oven is off, the water isn't running, the front door and windows in the rest of the apartment are locked, and everyone is in bed.

jon is curled into a sweet little ball in his room. there's a half empty glass of water on his bedside table and all his toys are put away so that the floor of his room is clear. clark wants to stumble over and press a kiss to his baby's head but he doesn't trust himelf to not stumble and face plant on the carpet and just sleep there.

but clark has one more person to check up on.

when he and lois had shared a home the extra room at the end of the hall had been their home office. but once they'd divorced, clark had decided to downsize since most of the things in the office lois had either taken with her or sold before leaving to go abroad. clark had gotten rid of the big vanity and dresser in his and lois's bedroom and gotten a corner desk and rolling chair to serve as his bedroom office.

that freed up the home office to be turned into a guest room.

clark pushed open the cracked door, likely so jon could crawl into tim's bed in case of a nightmare, and stared at tim who was laid out on the full sized bed. tim was in a pair of volleyball shorts and a long hudson college shirt that stopped mid thigh. the shirt was riding up revealing a smooth stomach which had something in clark going warm.

maybe clark wouldn't have done it if the alcohol in his blood hadn't given him the courage. maybe clark thought it was okay because he and lois had done this once upon a time. where lois would pretend to be asleep and clark, the sexless farmboy, would come and and squeeze her thigh and lightly tug on the ends of her clothes.

only that clark doesn't lightly touch tim or tease his delicate skin.

clark hasn't had sex in well over two years because towards the end of his relationship with lois they had completely shut each other out. that must be why clark quietly stumbles in, letting the door softly click closed behind him as he took slow, shuffling steps forward until he was standing beside tim.

clark's fingers wrapped around the bottom of tim's shirt and pushed it all the way up to reveal little soft tits that had clark biting down on his bottom lip. a flash of heat coursed through his gut at the sight of puffy tits and soft, rosy nipples.

god. clark could feel the arousal already beginning to swirl in him from just looking.

it's not like clark was fully chaste despite what others might believe. just before the divorce clark had started watching porn on his phone and quietly jacking off in the bathroom just before joining lois in bed. but he'd stopped abruptly and hadn't touched himself since.

but why had he?- oh that's right!

there'd been this one porno clark had stumbled across. it'd been one where the girl was this skinny little thing in a tiny little skirt with pretty lips and a pixie cut.

she'd been pretty with a puffy, wet, pink pussy but that's not what had gotten clark off. it had been the scenario. she'd been playing as the babysitter for this one older man who hadn't had money to pay her for her time because his wife had the checkbook but that was alright because she was more than willing to accept another form of payment: cock.

clark had remembered how hard he'd been breathing as a delicate little pussy furiously rode the nice hard cock of a dad who was grunting and playing with her tits while asking "you're not going to tell my wife about this are you?"

that line was what had clark grunting and spilling his release into his palm while his heart pumped faster and faster.

minutes after his orgasm horror and disgust had flooded clark at the realization that he'd gotten undeniably aroused at....baby sitter porn. and the girl he'd masturbated to...had held a similar resemblance to tim...

clark had been so ashamed he had refused to touch himself at all afterward. he'd thrown himself into his work and then his divorce, completely neglecting his manly needs until he was kneeled beside his son's baby sitter and playing with his tits.

both of clark's hands were cupping tim's little tits, admiring his rosy nipples and gently squeezing the soft flesh. clarks hands practically covered tim's entire chest. the flesh was soft and warm and clark felt the urge to lean down and start kissing the little tits, taking one into his mouth and suckling the tit until tim woke up to the sight of clark nursing on him.

clark was only in underwear and he could feel as his cock swelled with arousal more and more the longer he fondled tim. one hand clark had been resting on tim's abdomen stroked down tim's stomach. two fingers kept pressing and slid between the natural seam of tim's crotch and clark felt himself go lightheaded when he felt tim's pussy lips part for him under the fabric.

god. clark's cock was forming a prominent tent in his underwear and he shivered as he pushed up from where he was kneeling and placed a knee on the bed, then another, and then clark threw a leg over to tim's other side and stood kneeling over him, straddling his smaller body.

clark could see tim's beautifully exposed tits and his little shorts that were hiding no doubt the prettiest little cunt in existence.

jesus, clark was so horny. clark felt like a starving man placed before a buffet, he had no idea where to start, what to touch, where to kiss first.

all he knew was that he desperately wanted to fuck tim. he needed it like he needed air. he needed to feel tim's hands, his mouth, his pussy on his cock. he needed to pump himself deep inside tim, fuck his cock all the way in his womb. he needed to feel tim's hips fuck back against his thrusts and have his arms cling around clark's neck. he needed to hear tim gasp and moan and whine as clark played with his clit and fucked him through a trembling orgasm.

god. tim was such a good kid he'd probably let clark do all of that. he helped clark with jon, with cooking, with being a parent- why not this?

clark's sure that if he asks really really nice tim will let him at least touch him, maybe even eat him out (clark wonders what tim's pussy tastes like, if it's as sweet as he is).

he might even feel pity for clark once he finds out clark hasn't had sex in over two years. maybe he'll even spread himself open for clark, spread the lips of his pussy open in a 'V' and reveal his wet little hole for clark. god that would be magnificent.

clark doesn't even notice that his cock has started to throb and pulse painfully at every thought and that his hips have began to seek relief.

clark's covered cock begins grinding against tim's crotch in slow, purposeful drags. clark makes light sounds and hums as he presses all along the length of tim's cunt.

clark is in the middle of 'hmp hmph hmph' sounds when tim shifts a little under him and then rapidly blinks his eyes, pupils dilating with alertness as he takes stock of the situation.

clark is pulled out of his hazy fantasies and touching with tim's slightly sleepy call of "clark?"

clarks hands are still fondling and squeezing tim's tits as he ruts against him, as soon as he looks down and his eyes meet tim's- tim's brows shoot up with surprise and some realization. his nose wrinkles slightly and clark thinks he must smell the alcohol on his breath or maybe that spilled scotch someone had accidentally sloshed on him when clark was mixing drinks because during college he'd worked as a bartender for some extra cash and so every party he was the designated mixer.

"clark, are you...drunk?" tim tilts his head slightly, honest confusion on his expression as he stares up at clark. he says nothing about clark's hand on his tits or his other hand playing with the edge of tim's shorts.

clark makes a humming noise, he's considering lying but he knows tim would probably figure him out so he settles for soulfully nodding.

tim's eyes are still big with brows raised but he hasn't done anything about clark's hands on his chest so clark takes that as permission to keep squeezing and rolling puffy nipples between his fingers.

"is that why you're touching me right now?"

clark makes another noise and nods with an 'mm-hmm'.

clark is so horny and touching tim isn't really enough to get off and clark's cock is full and hurts so bad so clark snaps his hips a little to jostle tim and make him pay attention to clark's cock. maybe he'll do something to fix it. tim is really good at that.

clark's thrust indeed catches tim's attention and his eyes dart down to where clark's cock is almost straining out of his underwear. there's a big wet patch around where the head is and he's pressing as close as he can to tim's pussy.

tim stares down at it for a beat, his head off the pillow and straining to look down the length of his body where he and clark are meeting. tim's eyes go bug-eyed like he's just realized that clark is hard and rutting against him.

"o-oh clark, my god- oh shit you're hard, like actually hard,"

clark makes a noise of agreement and tries sticking two fingers under the waist band of tim's shorts to roll them down and rut against tim's hot, bare pussy. tim's hands dart down and wrap around clark's wrist, stopping him.

"clark," tim begins slowly, voice calm and soothing like he's talking to a child. "don't you want to go to someone else for this? how about another cape? or lois even, even if you're divorced i don't think it's a bad thing, my parents were separated and still shared a bed-"

the thought of lois or anyone else being with him makes clark want to shrivel up. no, he doesn't want them. he wants tim who is always so nice and sweet to jon and now clark wants him to be nice and sweet to him too.

clark shakes his head and does his best to talk without slurring while tugging slightly on tim's waistband.

"n-no. jus you, wan you, wan tim, please? please tim?"

tim's eyes don't like like they could widen anymore. he's red like a strawberry and clark wants to lean down and kiss his cute heated cheeks.

"i'm fuck-" clark can barely get a sentence out, "i'm wanna fuck, please? please tim?"

clark is SOOO drunk and horny. he presses his cock closer and makes a little insistent sound and hopes tim will have pity on him. if he'll just let clark stick it in just for a little bit. clark's balls are so fucking blue and he doesn't think he'll be able to handle remaining aroused for much longer. if tim pushes him away clark might actually cry.

tim purses his lips and stares down at where clark has their core pressed together. his mouth opens to say something and-

"i...we..." tim's eyes dart back up to meet clark and something in his expression shifts because tim's eyes darken and he starts biting down on his fat bottom lip. "we're going to need to be quiet clark, okay? jon's sleeping."

with that, tim immediatly stops fidgiting. he lifts his hips up and off the bed in a bridge stretch, pushing clark slightly away in the process, and slides his thumbs into the waistband of his shorts before swiftly pulling them down to his knees and then his ankles, leaving him bare. clark can feel the bunched up shorts somewhere near his ankles but that's not what he's paying attention to.

clark sits and stares in stunned silence as tim's legs part to reveal a pretty pink slit with a small, dark trail of hair lightly covering the area. it's just a bit of light peach fuzz but clark is enamored with the sight. he presses a gentle hand against tim's mound, stroking the soft skin and biting back a groan at tim's pretty little pussy lips framing his hole.

tim settles his feet on the bed, bending his knees and placing each foot on either side of clark's hips. he stares up at clark with crystal clear blue eyes and motions to clark's underwear.

"do you want my help to take off your underwear or do you think you can do it?"

tim's question brings clark out of his shocked staring and he meets tim's inquisitive eyes for a moment before he's fumbling for his underwear and hastily pushing it down while swaying with the dizziness from the alcohol.

"i-i can do it, i can do it-"

clark is stuttering and he manages, after a few minutes of trying to fling his underwear away. in his excitement he's nearly fallen off the bed a few times but each time tim softly catches him and steadies him. on clark's final attempt, tim wraps a hand around clarks upper back and slowly guides him down until he's hovering over tim.

tim is redder than crushed tomato as he fumbles with both of them fitting together and getting comfortable. clark is so excited to have sex that he obeys tim's every instruction and adjustment without thought.

one of clarks hands is braced on the pillow above tim's head while the other has a steadying grip on his cock. one of tim's hands starts gently stroking the side of clark's cheek. some attempt to soothe them both and then eventually he's whispering soft instructions to him that clark finds himself eagerly following.

"j-just rub the head against it okay?" tim begins, pink lips next to clark's ear. his breath hitches as clark listens, pressing the thick head of his cock against tim's slit. clark feels a bit of wetness cover the head and shivers as tim continues talking. "j-just up and down all along it, just the head- y-yes like that, good. mmmn yeah, just, just the head so i can get wet-" tim's breath starts hitching as clark grinds close. the head of his cock gets pressed to his clit and clark makes sure to press little circle against it, watching tim's abdominals clench and his breathing stutter. clark may be drunk but he does have his hearing and he can hear the slick, wet, sticky noises of tim's cunt as clark grinds his cock against that little pink clit. "p-press it in a little more, yes like that good job clark. k-keep doing, the little circles, y-yea, like you're tracing the letter 'O'- perfect, now keep hhnnn haah hhhahhn going clark-"

tim is squirming slightly under him, his hips inch up to meet clark's cock and clark can hear the slight rock of spring under them as he shifts his weight forward to press deeper into tim.

clark is breathing hard and tim's gentle instruction in his ear is helping so much to remember what he's supposed to be doing. clark is groaning softly because the head of his cock is being kissed by warm velvety heat. tim is telling him not to press to in deep yet that they can do that later but right now tim just wants clark to cum on him, can he do that? can clark cum on tim's pussy for him? it's to make the slide much easier later on that's what clark wants right? he wants to fuck tim's pussy doesn't he? he wants to sink in all the way deep into tim and cum really deep doesn't he? he wants to feel tim go all tight and hot around him right? well this is how they do it, with clark rubbing his cock up and down along tim's cunt until he cums.

clark is breathing hard and grunting as tim talks to him. he speeds up, grinds harder, and makes little noises at the tightening pleasure in his gut.

the orgasm comes faster than clark is anticipating. he's grinding his cock all along tim's soaked folds, tim is humming and making sweet sounds against his ear and clark can feel the tips of tim's little fingers from where he's rubbing at his clit, brush against his cock when suddenly clark's back goes tight and he freezes from where his cock is slotted between the lips of tim's pussy. he cums in thick spurts, the white cum pooling thickly between tim's lips like glue. tim makes a soft, shaky sound. clark can hear where his heart is going a mile a minute and he hears how tim's pussy is clenching so hard around nothing and leaking spurts of wetness. tim makes a noise of approval and presses a soft kiss to clark's jaw telling him he did a 'good job'.

clark shivers at the praise and lets tim's hands guide him onto his back. clarks erection doesn't flag the slightest bit and clark can already feel that his cock is full and ready to go. god he wants to fuck tim. he wants to fuck him so bad.

tim settles over him, straddling clark's hips and pressing his cum covered pussy to clark's cock. clark stares up at him with hazy eyes, watching as tim crosses his arms and grips the bottom edge of his shirt, lifting it up and tossing it to the side. tim is now on his lap fully naked and clark squirms and whines at the sight while tim presses a soothing hand to clark's chest.

"it's okay clark, it's okay, i know, do you want to fuck me? would that make you feel better?"

clark feels like tim's talking to him like he's a kid but not in a condescending way. his eyes are earnest as he asks clark. he picks up one of clark's hands and presses it to his chest, letting clark squeeze his tit while clark drowsily nods and slurs his words.

"y-yeah, nnmmp i wanna fuck, i wanna fuck tim i-i'm sorry but i really need it i-i juss- i just really need it,"

clark is seeing doubles but that doesn't matter because he feels tim's small palm wrap around his cock and steady it. he feels tim's hips lift up and hover over it. clark with his super hearing can hear quick, fast, squishy noises and knows instinctively that tim has fingers in his pussy. he can can hear them straining for room, opening and pressing against tim's walls, pressing in deeper, searching as they thrust in and out while tim huffs under his breath.

clark knows he's big. he knows it's probably going to be a struggle to fit inside tim. but tim also seems to know what he's doing. back when they were rutting together clark could hear tim have an orgasm and as he fucked himself on his fingers, clark heard that familiar tightening of his pussy and his stuttered breathing again. tim was trying to get even wetter and looser in preparation to take clark. tim was taking careful measures to make it good for both of them and clark shivered in anticipation for it.

still, clark hears tim's whine and sees his jaw fall open as he starts sinking down on clark. he stops several times, taking a moment to adjust before continuing forward. clark does his best to lie still, using all his drunk self-control to not thrust up and into tim's trembling cunt that is slowly swallowing down his cock until tim's wet, shaking cunt is split open and kissing the base of clark's cock. tim is trembling all around clark, his cunt squeezing and going tight around him with effort.

clark can feel his eyes have rolled to the back of his skull as he just lies there with his mouth open feeling hot, tight, pussy around his cock. it's only when tim slowly starts bouncing and riding him that clark finally lets out his pent up grunts and moans. tim cums once while bouncing on him and his pussy has the slightest more give. around the second or third is when the slide is much easier and tim is frantically fucking him, whining from overstimulation but continuing to fuck clark like his life depended on it.

clark's hands are gripping the sheets under them and trying to resist grabbing tim's hips and sinking him until he was cumming so deep tim would be leaking him for days.

but a few moments later tim is slowing and then stopping. clark peeked his eyes open and saw tim staring down at clark's trembling hands before shifting his gaze to clark's furrowed brows and strained expression.

"oh!" tim said with a vague hint of realization. "do you want to be on top?"

clark doesn't even make a sound and he's pretty sure he uses superspeed as he flips tim over on his back, hooks his knees over his shoulders, and just. starts. fucking.

clark is clenching his jaw tight enough to turn granite into powder. all his self-control is being directed into the cock that is viciously fucking into a reddened cunt. tim is completely bent in half, his breath is coming out in broken wheezes and cut off gasps. his brows are furrowed, his eyes are closed, and his mouth his fallen completely open letting out incomprehensible words and sounds of-

"ah ahh hhn gah-! of fuck i-hah hahnn gnnnk hnnnnmmmmn gah gah ghahhhnn- shiii clark, mmmmn clark i- ah! hmmmnnn-!"

clark's favorite sound is his name getting pounded out of tim as his wonderfully tight cunt goes tight around him again. tim whines a sound that is so high pitched it echoes on the walls around them. clark's cock starts pulsing and throbbing and god, fuck- that's what clark was waiting for.

clark manages to make two more pumps into tim before he's stilling and groaning, feeling his guts clench tight and release into the pussy clamping down all around him. clark had wanted to cum with tim orgasming all around him. with his drunk state he'd been slightly off in the timing but still manged to listen to the glorious sound of his cum and tim's release getting mixed together as clark idely humped into tim.

tim is breathing hard under him and clark's vision keeps going in and out as he purrs with the satisfaction of nice, heart pumping sex.

it truly had been far too long because clark feels like he could die happy just like this.

zod could break through that brick wall that very moment and clark would have no regrets going out buried in a nice, tight, pussy.

tim starts playing with clark's hair, stroking his cheek with a thumb, and lightly running his nails down clark's back and that's just the cherry on top.

clark allows the pleasant feelings to hypnotize him and lull him to sleep.

when clark wakes up he's stone cold sober. no hangover as is the benefits of having a kryptonian metabolism.

the night before hits clark like a missle to the chest. the memory of being horny and aroused, of going into tim's room and feeling him up, the memory of the baby sitter porno, the fact that clark had fucked tim the night before.

it doesn't help that clark wakes up with morning wood pressed deep inside tim.

clark freaks out. of course he does because he may have just irrevocably destroyed a great relationship with a wonderful kid. he may have just forced himself onto a kid. he's crossed a line he can't go back on. bruce had trusted him, he'd trusted clark and what had clark gone and done?

oh clark would never forgive himself for doing this to tim. for doing this to jon.

he should've worked out his pathetic divorcee loneliness like any other person but instead he'd gotten attached to a young boy who'd just been lending him a helping hand and exploited that tender care and love tim held for clark.

clark is close to hyperventilating and that's when tim wakes up.

tim helps him calm down which makes it worse because tim should be trying to get away from him. clark had gone into his room in the middle of the night, tim had woken up to clark groping and rutting against him-

tim strokes clark's messy bed head and tells him that it's alright, that it's okay to be a little confused following a drinking binge but tim's here to tell him that he didn't do anything wrong the night before.

people don't drink to excess because they're happy so it's understandable that clark sought out some comfort from the only person in the house who could give it. it was alright, tim understood.

clark has no idea what to say as tim helps him up.

tim shrugs off clark coming onto him in the middle of the night like it's nothing. like that's just something to roll with the punches or something.

clark is thinking of saying something, of interrupting when tim does first.

"but doing this while jon is just down the hall is a little too high risk for me." tim makes a kind of sheepish expression while looking at his closed bedroom door. "so next time why don't we do this while he's at school or at soccer practice, okay?"

tim is smiling at him in that same gentle way he always does. in that way that makes clark feel like everything is under control and will be okay.

it's a horrible idea. it's an absolutely terrible idea because last night was just a moment of weakness on clark's part. if he agrees to fuck tim...during the day then he will be making a deliberate choice to do this.

...if it got out, if bruce found out that clark was fucking tim....clark might never see the light of day again.

but...if he doesn't...then all that loneliness all that soul aching desire would just build up again and who knows if jon would be woken up in the middle of the night by strange sounds coming from tim's room. jon was a curious child and he's get up to investigate and that would end with jon getting traumatized seeing his father and beloved babysitter together.

clark knows what he's telling himself is bullshit, that he's spinning some justification in his head to make it all okay but...clark can't find the part in himself that is supposed to stop this, that is supposed tell himself he doesn't want this. it's the part that is supposed to grasp tim's shoulders and apologize so sincerely for doing what he did, that it was wrong and that clark had violated the trust tim had given him.

oh god. clark was living the plot of a cheesy porno.

clark just sits on the edge of the bed stunned while tim picks up his underwear, shorts, and shirt, slipping them on. he presses clark's underwear to his hands and whispers that he's going to start jon's breakfast before pressing a lingering kiss to clark's temple.

this was screwed up. massively screwed up. it was a million shades of wrong and fucked up and yet...some dark and selfish part of clark couldn't help but be relieved. because this meant he could have tim like this. he could rid himself of that desperate clawing loneliness and give into the offer of companionship tim was offering.

clark wasn't sure if he loved tim. he wasn't sure if tim loved him. but he knew he liked being around tim and he hoped tim felt the same.

so...in perhaps the first act of selfishness clark had ever made, he chooses himself. he chooses his happiness.

[chronicbatfictioner]

Exchanges and Compromises - Chapter 17

Jason was having the time of his life.

Dick was sure of it. He might grump and sulk a lot more than before, but Dick was sure that he was having fun. Sure, guarding Damian might be a little more than tasking, after a while - especially since Damian was so certain that he could face Bane alone if it comes down to it, conveniently ignoring the fact that: a. he's ten and practically one-tenth of Bane's size; b. the Waynes most likely would detest having to clear intestines off the marble floor if Damian were to be let near a katana and/or Bane, and c. Alfred definitely would detest cleaning intestines or parts of Damian off the floor or walls.

And d. Bruce Wayne seemed to actually enjoy having Damian around and has no qualm in talking to Damian as if he was twice his age. Bruce's age, that is. Not Damian's. Dick suspected that Bruce has spent a lot of time talking to 60-year-olds.

But there were numerous forms of excitement that were offered by the Wayne Manor. First and foremost were the cars. Dick has never learned to drive - being a Talon kind of impeded the learning process of 'common human things'. Jason, however, was an excellent driver. He had mentioned something about being a getaway driver in warzones, and Dick couldn't be sure if he was telling the truth or joking. Either way, he rather enjoyed it whenever he and Jason had to take Damian somewhere in town.

Except for today, as somebody seemed to have tampered with the car.

It wouldn't brake, and they were cruising really, really fast.

Hence Dick's belief that Jason was having fun. He did not look perturbed at the slightest as he controlled the car, swerving crazily over the backroads, making sharp u-turns instead of going into the city roads and went back where they came from. Within a mile from the Drake House's gate, Jason finally managed to cut down the speed to the point where the car's engines died and it rolled to a stop. On the Drake House's gate.

"Seriously, people," Tim remarked dryly as they walked in - leaving the car at the gate and settling their respective adrenaline back down. "I've heard of visiting the neighbors, but must you be like, dying and/or damaging people's property before you come here to say hi?"

"The car was tampered with," Damian reported. "Must be the brute. And I shall replace your gate, Drake."

"I think I'm down to like, eight lives. No-- seven." Dick admitted, "my heart's still beating a hundred miles per minute. Good thing, though, at least that way I know I'm quite alive."

"Dick, you're a bird. Not a cat." Tim deadpanned. His eyes never leaving Jason, who had lit up a cigarette as he walked through the house. "Since when do you smoke?"

"Since I was eleven," Jason replied. "And since I walked into a house that has laser triggers that were set up by a lunatic. Smoke worked to reveal them all."

"I'm... partially scowling because smoking kills. But I suppose laser triggers would kill faster..." Tim replied.

"The lasers are used to trigger booby traps just about Damian's height. If he were to be a common kid and run around the house, he'd be decapitated within the first few days." Jason continued bitterly. "What the fuck is wrong with that giant lump of steroids, anyway? He was ready to kill a child!"

"The nutshell version is that the child would prevent his usurping the Waynes' wealth." Tim pointed out. "The long version is that I don't think he's really the child of Dr Wayne, the Waynes know of it, and they're literally being held hostage in their own home. Also, you people are being watched, too, by drones. I've asked Harper to kill those drones for entering my property."

Tim then explained Bruce's visit and the USB. "Oracle has contacted him and told him we... the Birds, that is - are investigating the evidence."

"How long until we can punch the asshole out of the house for good?" Jason demanded, accepting a bottle of water Tim handed him. Slowly and gently. Making sure his fingers brushed Tim's. And Dick had to swallow a grin.

"That, unfortunately, would be up to the GCPD. Did you guys saw the news? Vicky Vale's article on Damian?" Tim... preened a little, waving his hair as he walked away from Jason. Dick's lips itched, he wondered if Barbara or the other girls -- if Selina or Dinah have noticed this. The two were definitely flirting.

"I have seen it. It had good pictures of my mother and grandfather, and quite... adequate descriptions of both of them." Damian replied. "Evidently father has made a comment to the writer about me looking like him when he was my age."

"Well, you kind of do look like him, except for the green eyes." Dick pointed out. Bruce's eyes were blue - like both his parents. But from the photos of little Brucie around the house, Dick could see a little of Martha Wayne in Damian's still-round face. "When did Bruce make the comment?"

"Oh, Vale called him." Tim snickered. "She still has his personal number, and she commented something about hearing a - quote: 'constipated buffalo sounds in the background' - unquote. She was also wondering if Bruce was in a bullfighting ring somewhere."

"Seriously?" Dick laughed.

"Seriously. Even Barbara couldn't stop laughing hearing that." Tim assured him. Jason rolled his eyes but looking amused, anyway.

"Sooo... a possible off-road accident for the apparent heir is in the books?" Jason suggested.

"I won't put it past Bane. Damian...?" Tim started. But Damian already nodded in acknowledgment.

"I shan't eat anything that is not presented by Todd or Grayson, nor will I frolic the manor on my own. This shall be more to bear witness to your insinuation of my 'child-like' behavior than to take care of me, Drake, as I am quite capable of sustaining my own life." Damian scoffed.

Tim paused visibly for a good two seconds, before nodding, "of course. Furthermore, I can assure you that Alfred is safe, mainly because as a butler, his focal interest would be the actual Waynes. That's in his training - unless an offspring is publicly announced, they are not to be cared for by the Butler. In Wayne Manor, the proverbial child would solely be Bruce - for obvious reasons, and Damian, whom Bruce has publicly acknowledged." Tim explained.

"He was in MI6," Jason remarked. "Alfred, that is. Not Bane. It would be safe to say he's loyal. He told me of the booby traps and that Bane has a daily dose of injection of the steroid-like substance. But I-- we shall prepare you emergency rations - just in case, anyway."

"You guys can always drop by here. And don't think that Damian would be Bane's only target." Tim reminded. "If I was him, I'd take out the big guns - that is you two - first; and then Bruce, because he'll want to be protective of his son; and then Dr and Mrs Wayne last."

"Then I'm afraid you are forgetting one of the members of the household that is most dangerous, Master Tim," a voice spoke; Jason pulled out his gun, Damian automatically hid behind him while pulling out a small dagger.

Dick wanted to lunge right toward the source of the voice until he realized that it was Alfred Pennyworth, both hands raised up to show that he was unarmed.

"How...?" Jason growled, "I didn't hear the front door open."

"Apologies, gentlemen. I should have informed you that there is an underground passageway between the two houses that were once used frequently, but now has all been forgotten." Alfred explained. "You were right that I was in MI6, Jason; as you were right that my focus will and forever shall remain the true Wayne blood, Master Tim. Not ones who claimed as such and refused to provide irrefutable evidence."

"Does Bane know of this passageway?" Tim asked.

"It is located in the staff's wing, and as he is not permitted to be there, I sincerely doubt it," Alfred replied. "I have my own... booby traps and surveillance that should tell me if anyone has been there." he smiled. "I am aware that both of you have prowled the entire house at one point or the other in the past few weeks." he nodded toward Jason and Dick. "You were stealthy, indeed."

"But not stealthy enough?" Dick quipped. "I gotta go back to training... Anyway, why are you here?"

"I saw your vehicle's mishap and its stop here. If anything, Bane is not... stealthy enough." Alfred pulled out a small memory card. "To get to the garage, one must pass the servants' hall. And the garage is my province."

Tim accepted the memory card, plugged it into his cellphone; and then projected its content to a wall. "Huh... this should be enough evidence of tampering..." Tim commented. The memory card showed a clear date stamp - that morning, a few hours before Bane and the Waynes left the house. It also showed Bane himself, jacking the car that was now resting with a dented bumper at Tim's gate, while holding a plier.

"Anyone watching our car now?" Dick commented. "Won't be cool to have it suddenly fixed, will it?"

"Harper should be. Plus, y'all are on my property. If he trespasses, I'll have his ass arrested." Tim huffed. "So... if anyone has ideas--" Jason and Damian's eyes lit up; Tim glared at them and continued "--that do not include sharp and/or exploding objects of how to remove Bane from the Manor..."

"I'm fresh out," Jason replied mournfully. "No sharp objects, no exploding objects... what do you expect me to do? Poison him?"

"But Todd, did my mother not teach you the arts of food as medicine?" Damian piped up.

The sudden silence as all eyes landed on Alfred was quite ominous.

"I will not conduct a crime, young masters," Alfred remarked dryly.

"Oh nooo... not a crime," Jason grinned mischievously. "It's just... you know that Damian was born in the Middle East, yeah?"

"I may have quite a culinary skill, but I fear that my Middle Eastern cuisine knowledge is rather limited," Alfred said demurely.

"Well, mine isn't." Jason grinned. "Besides, what else should one do to celebrate one's entrance into such a distinguished family; but hold a family dinner?"

"You're going to poison him." Dick groaned.

"Not to death!" Jason protested. Dick gave him an unimpressed glare. "Just... to the point where he would realize that he and I have opposing objectives."

"Do let me know of the ingredients you require, Jason." Alfred intoned. "Or perhaps you prefer to shop on your own? I shall fetch a new, un-tampered-with vehicle."

"Oh, please do, Alfred. I doubt we can make a single trip. But they will be fun." Jason replied, grinning.

Dick knew that the sense of foreboding was not in him only. Tim looked like he was contemplating moving away to Alaska.

"For the records, I don't know anything about cooking," Dick said defensively.

"I'm... truly and fully reconsidering my life choices," Tim admitted.

"Oh, don't worry, Drake. Todd was trained by the best," Damian grinned mischievously. "I pity the fools who think him as a brute. I pity the brute who think that small equals weak."

[alexiessan]

Never alone - Chapter Eight - Soulmate AU

AO3

Previous - Here - Next

Master List

It’s kind of funny to write Marinette’s imagination going overboard x)

Hey, anyone ever wrote a Miraculous x Doctor Who cross over? I’ve been bing watching the serie and I’m obsessed with it!

Marinette was tired after this day, but a good tired. Working with Tim was amazing, she has learned so much in just a day and she couldn’t wait for the next.

When seeing everyone on the bus on the way back to the hotel, she was happy to find that her classmates had a good time at Wayne Enterprises. They were all talking about the things they learned and how nice the people they were working with were.

She exchanged a glance with Alya and they fist-bumped, happy that they made a good choice with this trip. They would all mature from this experience.

Arriving at the hotel, despite being tired, the designer also felt restless. She wanted to move, run or something. She wished she could go on a run on the roofs of Gotham as Ladybug but it would be too much risk and possibly compromise her identity.

Maybe Robin would agree to take her on a run on some of the safest roofs.

Marinette was in her room with Alya, reviewing all the notes she had taken while listening to Timothy. She had already filled a few pages of her brand new notebook that she bought back in Paris specifically for this internship.

Looking at the time, she realized that it was almost time for dinner and closed her book. She discreetely took a cookie out of a box and gave it to Tikki. Her eyes landed on the glasses inside, feeling a bit guilty that she kept the Miraculous inactive and that Kaalki couldn’t be with them, but it was safer this way. Hiding one kwami was already a difficult task, but two…

She didn’t want a repeat of Kwami Buster when both Tikki and Plagg were both caught by Mrs. Mendeleiev.

She preferred not to think about that event, Plagg’s presence at her school still unsettled her, despite Chat Noir claiming not knowing what school Françoise Dupont was.

She recognized a lie when she heard one, herself having to make the most ridiculous excuses to cover her superheroing.

But it was better not thinking about it, she wasn’t ready for anything regarding their identities.

And right now, she was hungry.

“Are you ready to go eat Alya? I’m hungry.”

“Yeah, just let me save this on my external drive and we can go!”

She watched as the reporter did just that and started chatting about her day.

“God, Mari, I’m so happy we applied for this program. I’ve learned so much today and it was only the first day. Mrs. Finnigan taught Adrien how to handle the press when they spread false information about him and she told me all about the relations between the public relations teams and the media. I heard from Nino that he has ten pages of notes about copyrights already and it’s not over! He’s already planning to get some of his songs protected!”

“That’s great, Alya!”

The class had an essay to write about their time at Wayne Enterprises when they get back to Paris, and while it should have been a source of complaints from the students, hearing how everyone loved their time there, writing an essay about him shouldn’t be a chore for anyone.

She heard at dinner that some had even started the outline of their essays and the two girls could see how proud Miss Bustier was of her students.

The laughs from the class’ table in the hotel’s restaurant could be heard from the lobby.

His brothers were laughing at his expense and Damian was seconds away from hitting them.

And probably do way more violent things too.

During dinner, Tim related his day with Marinette, smirking at his youngest brother all the while. He was telling them what a sunshine their future sister in law was and how Damian literally ran away from her the moment he saw her in the co-CEO’s office.

And of course, Jason and Dick found it hilarious.

“You spend every night with her as Robin but you can’t handle seeing her as yourself?!”

“Shut up Todd, before I make you regret your words.”

“It’s that he just can’t handle it, Jason! He literally noped out of it!” laughed Tim along with his brothers.

Unfortunately, Tim dodged out of the way of the knife he threw at him.

Maybe he should put something sharp in his shoes when he wasn’t looking. Maybe, then, his brother would just shut up.

The youngest Robin sighed. Siblings were such a drag.

“What the hell is that thing?!”

Robin and Marinette were on the roofs of her hotel for their daily meetings and for once, she was in her pajamas without her contact on. He got used to seeing her with two blue eyes so it was a bit weird to see her with a jade green eye just like his. All that added to his cape that she was wearing, just like every day before, was enough to make the tip of his ears go red.

Damn, she was cute like this.

But it wasn’t what prompted him to react the way he did.

No, what warranted such a response was the tiny red thing that was floating next to her and looking at him with weird big blue eyes and an antenna on its head.

The bluenette laughed.

“This is Tikki. She’s a Kwami and it’s thank to her that I can transform into Ladybug. She’s been- Comment on dit, déjà ? Ah! She’s been granting me my powers ever since I got the Miraculous.”

“It’s very nice to meet you! I’m so glad Marinette found her soulmate!” the… the thing said with a high pitch that hurt his ears.

“So a literal insect is giving you your powers?” he asked, skeptical.

The kwami frowned.

“Hey! Have some respect, would you? I’m not an insect, but a Kwami! I’m basically a god!”

“A… god? This tiny thing?”

Tikki scowled and scoffed.

“I’ll go back to the room, Marinette!”

And without another glance to Robin, she disappeared.

“I think you offended her.”

“Well, excuse me for being skeptical about a tiny thing that looks like an insect being a god.”

Marinette laughed.

“I can’t blame you. When I first met her I called her a blatte-souris. Hm… a croroch-mouse?”

“A cockroach-mouse?”

“Yeah, a cockroach-mouse! Sorry.”

Robin smiled, amused.

“So, yeah. I panicked and all so I wasn’t better than you.”

She clapped her hands.

“Anyway! I was actually hoping that you would accept to take me on a run somewhere, I’m feeling restless.”

“Absolutely not.”

There was a heavy silence as Marinette just looked at him.

“Why not?”

“Do you realize how dangerous it would be? We can’t risk anyone recognizing you! Could you imagine if someone saw Robin and an unmasked girl running around Gotham? The media would have a field day!”

Robin watched as the designer thought about it and could see the moment she agreed with him.

That girl really was an open book, he thought.

“Alright, alright. Then… Maybe you could teach me some basic martial art moves? As you know, I’m basically acting on instincts as Ladybug, but it would help a lot if I actually knew how to fight. Properly. Especially since the Akumas are getting a lot more violent.”

That, he could do.

“Fine. But we’ll need to spar a little so I can assess your skills and see where to go from there.”

The Parisian beamed.

“Alright! I’m ready.”

As she got in a defensive position, the vigilante observed her carefully.

“First of all, don’t make your fist that way. Don’t put your thumb inside, but outside. You could break it upon impact.”

The teenage girl did as he said and he waited a few seconds more before he attacked.

She dodged easily but she didn’t see his next move. Of course, he didn’t put strength in his hit, the goal wasn’t to hurt her but to observe.

She attacked in return but none of her blow hit home.

Two minutes in the sparring and Marinette was on her back, Robin having softly flipped her.

“Again.”

They sparred a few times, each time Marinette lasted a bit longer, but she never lasted more than five minutes.

She was breathing heavily while he barely broke a sweat.

“I’ll be honest with you, it’s a miracle you’re still alive.”

He winced. He hasn’t shown her this side of him yet.

“Tell me something I don’t know.” she scoffed.

Good, she could take it. He was afraid that she would be offended.

He sat next to her as she stayed on the floor, like a starfish.

“We’ll have to start from scratch. I’ll teach you some basic moves but there is only so much I can teach you in less than a week. You really need to take lessons when you get back to Paris, no matter how full your schedule already is.”

Marinette looked at him, giving him a sad smile.

“Yeah, I know. I’ll do it.”

“But you’re not hopeless. You adapt fast.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, every time we sparred, you would last longer.”

The Eurasian girl laughed.

“I didn’t last more than five minutes!”

“No, but in the first spar, you lasted only two minutes. So it’s progress. It shows that you adapt easily. You’re also aware of your surroundings and know how to use it. If you take this seriously, you’ll progress fast.”

He watched as she was still breathing heavily.

“Come on, give me your phone.”

She did as he asked and he took his own phone out too. He unlocked her phone easily.

“And for the love of God, Marinette, put a password on your phone.”

She smiled sheepishly.

He entered his contact information and send a message to himself from her phone and then saved her contact. He gave her her phone back.

“Here, I entered my number. I’ll send you a training program. You need to build up your strength and your stamina. You can’t afford to be out of breath like that.”

He hoped she wasn’t offended. He only did this because he cared and he didn’t want her to get killed fighting Akumas because she wasn’t strong enough.

The way she smiled at him showed him that she knew that.

“Thank you.” she breathed.

Marinette was like an open book, but Robin knew he wasn’t. He didn’t know how to feel that she could read him so easily. Was he already lowering his guard around her?

He sighed. He knew that the answer was yes. He already was lowering his guard. He did it unconsciously because he wanted things to work with his soulmate.

He didn’t want to be the man his mother wanted him to be. Not anymore.

“We’ll start some training tomorrow. In the meantime, I believe I promised you to show you some of my drawings.”

Marinette beamed as he took a few pieces of paper and she straightened, sitting next to him as he showed her drawings of Titus, Alfred the cat and the batcow.

He smiled as she cooed at them.

When she woke up the next day, Marinette cursed Robin. She was sore at some places that she didn’t know had muscles. She had a headache, but that was probably because she only got two hours of sleep, she and Robin had stayed later than usual, losing themselves in their conversations unaware of the time passing.

Marinette heard a noise next to her.

“Marinette, wake up! Breakfast is in twenty minutes.”

The designer cursed once more in her head. It was the first time since the beginning of the trip that Alya woke up before her. The dark-haired girl panicked for a few seconds, already imagining the reporter seeing her green eye. She could already picture her asking questions about her soulmate, who they were and when it happened. She could already see herself screw up and admitting that Robin was her soulmate and it would be on the Ladyblog and it would spread worldwide and Robin would hate her!

She wanted to scream until her mind cleared. Why was she panicking? Hiding her eye was, actually, really simple.

Marinette got up, rubbing her eyes and feigning a yawn as she made her way to the bathroom.

Nailed it, she thought as she closed the door behind her.

Tag list: 

@bigpicklebananatree @animegirlweeb @crazylittlemunchkin​ @northernbluetongue @cutechip @justafanwarrior @iloontjeboontje @resignedcatservant @maribat-is-lifeblood @i-like-fairytail-and-stuff @toodaloo-kangaroo @mikantsume @dast218 @amayakans @zestyzealot​ @lunarwolfspn​ @corabeth11​

[thezestywalru]

Kismet

Here is my take at a maribat mafia au- here ya go @stareyedmoonchild. I have no idea what the pairing should be, but if anyone stumbles across this, please let me know your opinion. Just want to be clear: THERE ARE NO MIRACULOUS IN THIS FIC AND SOME THINGS MAY BE VERY OOC. This is my first fic ever on tumblr. Hope you like it! Thanks!

Marinette Dupain-Cheng peaked around the corner of the alley, ducking in quickly. She unloaded the empty cartridge of her handgun, listening to the satisfying click as the new bullet clicked into place. She smiled before realising herself. Reluctantly clicking the safety on, she stowed it into her purse. 

Strolling down the streets of Gotham, the petite woman of 23 perused the shops she passed, evaluating the clothing on the plain mannequins inside. Marinette was careful not to linger too long at any displays, having learned from her years at Gotham that appearing distracted would make you a target. Her phone buzzed from the pocket inside of her jacket, so she calmly opened it up. 

“We have a new assignment for you.” The message read. She smirked slightly, opening the burner app up and quickly devouring the contents. They instructed her to meet her contact at the club run by her clients. You see, Marinette was not a normal person, though she lived under the guise of one. Marinette lived for the adrenaline pushing through her veins. When the money she had saved up had run out, she had no choice but to accept the jobs. 

It was better than selling her body, she supposed, but in reality, she was selling her soul. It became a rhythm. She received her tasks, would scope out the... person of choice, and would her use method of choice. Marinette often implicated others for her deeds, changing the way the victims were killed so it wouldn’t seem too suspicious. A little sloppier on one person, a crime of passion on the other, quick bullet shot through the chin for the next. The blood didn’t matter any more- she had hardened herself to it. 

“Ah, lovely.” The boss stood up to greet her, grabbing her shoulders and leaning down to quickly kiss both of her cheeks. Bruce Wayne stood over a foot taller than Marinette, and she would be lying if she didn’t admit that she was slightly terrified of him. 

Bruce Wayne was the CEO of a fortune 500 company in Gotham. He had inherited it after his parent’s untimely deaths. Enraged, he had done everything he could in his power- barring becoming a vigilante- to avenge them. As a shrewd business man, he knew better than to be implicated in killing. He let others do the dirty work while he pulled the strings. You see, Bruce ran in the underground. Doing so, he provided shelters for the city’s homeless, giving in random acts of kindness, and it wasn’t just always to keep the police from sniffing around him. 

He had adopted several children, from what Marinette had found out. A majority had been recruits off the streets, and while she had never met them, she knew their names and their stories. 

Richard “Dick” Grayson had been a gymnast with his parents. He had been left an orphan at a young age, and Bruce had took him in. She remembered scowling at the old news-clippings fawning over the pair, as Bruce was known for his stoic demeanor. 

Jason Todd was next, an runaway with an unfortunate pain problem. By that it is meant that Jason had become addicted to the toxic pill known as the Lazarus. It had warped his mind, leaving Bruce to scoop him up and transform the boy’s world views. 

Tim Drake had been chosen only a few years after the other pair. He was an apparent genius, proven by his intelligence quota of 142 and acceptance to many Ivy League schools. Of all the brothers, Tim was the one Marinette respected the most. 

Lastly came Damian Wayne, Bruce’s biological son. Damian was the reported result of a drugged one-night stand between Bruce and his rival’s daughter, Talia Al-Ghul. Her motives were unknown, as she had left the boy with his father when he had turned 10. From the photos, he looked like a younger Bruce, stoic and unfeeling. 

Marinette idly wondered what the meeting was about as she sat down on the velvet couch in the VIP room of the Bat-cave, the name of Bruce’s club. It was used for many operations. There was a room that you could use for safe drugs. All drugs there were at minimum pricing, and had clean purposes. This helped get people off the streets as more and more addicts chose to join Bruce’s rehabilitation program that he had started with Jason. 

“You do so much for this city,” Marinette began. “So what can I do for you?”

Bruce chuckled warmly, taking a sip out of his beverage. He waved her slight praise away, ever humble. After all, Bruce Wayne may have been a mob boss and a bad-guy, but that didn’t make him a bad guy. 

“I’ve always said that respect is better than fear.” He responded. “This way, I can help get people off the streets. They make a living, I make a bit of money, and people are safer.”

He turned considerate. Marinette straightened up in her seat, feeling her switchblade in her boot shift against her ankle. 

“i would like you to work on a case with one of my sons. I believe you would be able to teach him some of your... how shall I say.... expertise?” He cocked an eyebrow, sipping once again from his drink elegantly. She opened the flask of whiskey from her purse, and bumped it against him clear glass in a gesture of good faith.

“Kismet.”

[xxmgdreamsxx]

Take a hint

Reader Imagine. You round up your bat sisters to hang out and the boys obviously cause trouble so the three of you decide to teach them a lesson. Jason x Reader. Dick x Barbara. Tim x Stephanie. Enjoy!!

“ Look out!” You screamed as you watched in horror as the bag of chips almost decapitated your friend. Barbara quickly jumped out of the way, then ran to help you alongside Steph as she saw you sprawled out on the floor, surrounded by smushed bags of junk food. “Oh my god what happened Y/N?!!” It all started when you had decided to round up your fellow bat sisters at the manor for old times sake. Unfortunately Cass had to cancel as the new development in her mission led her to Croatia, so it was just you, Steph, and Babs. You guys had been having the time of your life in your old bedroom, blasting throwback songs and rapidly depleting the manor’s food supply. Being the backbone of the family, you took upon the task of sprinting downstairs to gather some more nourishment, before sprinting back upto your besties. When you turned the corner towards your room, you could hear that Hips Don’t Lie was currently playing from the speakers so you made a mad dash to get there as quickly as possible which led to you slamming the door open in an aggressive rage, tripping, all the food in your arms going up in slow motion, and a bag of doritos almost smacking your redheaded friend in the face. The two of them hauled you up and then you picked up all the food. “Ha sorry about crushing our carby dreams, just had to show y’all my hips didn’t lie.” you grinned sheepishly. “All good sis” Steph replied pulling you guys into a bear hug- “besides me and Barb know you’ve got the most truthful hips of all”. Snicker. “Your girlfriends are nutcases.” Smack “Shut up Damian, they can hear us.”

“ Um what was that.” you asked raising up your eyebrow. “Seems to me we’ve got some lurkers outside.” Barbara smirked, raising her voice so the idiots could hear. “See Damian, look what you did.” the unmistakable voice of Tim could be heard. “Oh zip it Drake” Damian snapped back. More muffled arguing. “That’s it.” you exclaimed, marching over to the door and swinging it open- Babs and Steph right behind you. “ What do you guys think your doing?” you inquired, hands on your hips, and putting on a death glare to scare them.  The shook faces of Jason, Dick, Tim, and Damian looked back at you. “ Oh hey Y/N what do you mean?, we were just walking by.” Dick nervously chuckled. Oh my god. That boy is the worst liar on the face of the planet. “Dick how dumb do you think we are?” Barbara struck back. Dick immediately got all flustered-“ Oh what no, no sorry Babs, guys, I didn’- I don’t think your dumb. Sorry babe.” he said, his eyes pleading to Babs, hoping his girlfriend wouldn’t get mad at him. The boys were looking really uncomfortable right now and it took so much for the three of you to not burst out in laughter. You looked to your boyfriend, Jason, who hadn’t said anything yet. “So Jay, wanna volunteer another half-ass excuse as to why you and the other boy blunders were cutting in on our girl time?” Jason realized there was no way he was gonna get out of this one, so he tried to play it cool, putting on his signature smirk. “ Y/N sorry bout that.. it’s all Damian’s fault.” “SERIOUSLY?!?!” Dami yelled back. “Ok enough!” Stephanie broke in. “Do you people see this sign??!- your blonde haired friend gestured to the piece of paper on the door. NO BOYS ALLOWED( TRESPASSERS AND LURKERS WILL BE THROWN OFF OF WAYNE TOWER) “ So do ya see it, do ya Tim?!” she glared at the teen boy. “Yeah Steph- Tim mumbled meekly, blushing madly. “Seriously guys come on.” Babs scolded then looked at Dick “Don’t expect any fun time for the next two weeks.” “But babe..!” Dick whined. “Shut it Grayson.” “Same goes for you Red.” you told Jason. “Aw come on doll, lets not get too serious.” your boyfriend tried to win you over. You just glared at him. “Now it’s three weeks.” “Ha” Damian smirked, clearly enjoying himself, watching his older brothers suffer. Stephanie continued “And Tim- OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS SONG!!” You tuned in to the music that was still blasting and realized what song it was. “Guys OMG Guys!! It’s our song. Yaassss!!” you shrieked looking excitedly at the two girls. “Guys do we still remember our parts?” Barbara quickly asked. “Yes!!” you and Steph screamed in unison. The boys were just glancing at each other like what the hell is going on. Babs spoke” Ok guys. 1,2,3!”

“La la la la la la” the three of you sang skipping around each other. “Why I’m always hit on by the boys I never like? I can always see em coming from the left and from the right.” you sang. “ I don’t wanna be a priss I’m just tryna be polite but it always seems to bite me in the..” Babs continued. “Ask me for my number yeah you put me on the spot. You think that we should hook up but I think that we should not.” Steph sang twirling around you. You broke away from the two of them and walked a bit in front looking at Jason, and sang “You had me at hello, then you opened up your mouth.” “And that is when it started going south!” the three of you harmonized. Jason just stood there with his mouth open and Tim and Damian were laughing at him. All of you started the chorus. “ Get your hands off my hips before I punch you in the lips. Stop your staring at my HEY! Take a hint.” “Take a hint!” you vocalized. Now it was Barbara’s turn to look at Dick while singing “No you can’t buy me a drink.” Dick stood there uncomfortable af and at this point, all of the batboys were too shook to mock him. “Let me tell you what I think” Steph got closer to Tim. “I think you could use a mint” “Take a hint! Take a hint!” Tim went beet red and breathed in his hand. Your turn again. “I guess you still don’t get it so let’s take it from the top.” “You asked me what my sign is and I told you it was stop.” Stephanie cut in. “ And if I had a dime for every name that you just dropped.” Barbara sang. “ YOU’D BE HERE AND I’D BE ON A YACHT! OH!” you guys sang jumping on the couch. “Get your hands of my hips fore I punch you in the lips” you burst out pointing at Jay. “ Stop your starin at my hey! Take a hint! Take a hint!” Babs glared at Dick. “ No you can’t buy me a drink, lemme tell you what I think!”   “ I think you could use a mint take a hint. Take a hint!” all of you sang at the boys. The three of you spun around each other. “Take a hint! Take a hint! You sauntered over to Jason- “What about no don’t you get?”, bopping his nose. Babs went over to her Dick, tracing her finger around his chest. “So go and tell your friends.” Stephanie leaned in towards Tim then playfully shoved him back. “I’m not really interested.” You led the girls and marched away from you boyfriends before spinning around to face them. “It’s about time that your leaving.” you sang pointing to the door. “ I’m gonna count to three and” Stephanie sassed. “Open my eyes and you’ll be gooneee.” Babs joined in. With you in the middle, the three of you skipped over to the coffee table and you jumped on it. “One.” Stephanie warned. “Get your hands off my hips!” you sang stepping closer to the boys on the table. “Two.” Barbara followed. “Or I’ll punch you in the!” you went on. “Three!” Steph yelled. “Stop your staring at my hey! Take a hint! Take a hint!” you finished, twirling once before leaping of the table to join your friends. The three of you skipped around the room, holding hands, dancing, and twirling around the boys as you went through the last chorus together, belting out the words. “ I am not your missing link! Let me tell you what I think!I think you could use a mint, take a hint! Take a hint! WOOAAAHHHH! Get your hands off my hips, fore I punch you in the lips! Stop your staring at my HEY! Take a hint!” Y’all sauntered to the boys, pushing them towards the door while finishing. “La la la la la Take a hint! La la la la la!”- you slamming the door in their faces and locking it on the last note. “Yeah!” Steph yelled, high fiving the both of you. “Omg did you see their faces?!” Babs gushed. “ I swear Tim was about to faint and Dick and Jason are probably thinking we’re gonna break up with them.” you laughed. “Ha! Guys are so gullible. We totally owned them!” “Yeah fuck the patriarchy!” Steph exclaimed. “Guys we totally need to play Cellblock Tango now!!” you shrieked. “It was a murder but not a crime!” Barbara screamed.

All in all, the rest of the day was amazing. The three of you had a great time and you were so happy you got the chance to hang out with your sisters again. Of course establishing the fact that girls are vastly superior and showing your boyfriends’ who’s boss was yet another fun achievement to add to the day. As for the boys, the rest of the day went slightly different. After they had gotten kicked out of the room, Damian made an ill-timed joke about Jason which resulting in the vigilante throwing him over the staircase. Don’t worry, the little brat’s fine.( Jason’s words.) Dick raced up to his room, freaking out, and made a list of all the times he might’ve pissed off Barbara, making sure that she wouldn’t have a reason to break up with him. Just to be safe, he also ran to buy her flowers. Jason got a whole lecture from Bruce about how throwing your siblings over staircases is not the way to go when you need to vent. After that, Jason also started freaking out about Y/N. His way of an apology was to let you paint one of his helmets pink and that he’d have to wear it for a week of patrol. Tim probably took it the worst. That poor boy wrote Stephanie a letter telling her she was the best girlfriend ever and that he is sorry for leaving the toilet seat up that one time (The only thing Tim ever did wrong in their relationship, cuz lets be honest that boy’s a pure angel.) He even bought her a new waffle maker.

All three of them also embarrassedly went to the store to stock up on mints.

[scottiedawg4]

2018: The Year of Volume Reading (that wasn’t)

In 2018 I started out attempting to read a large volume of books, by prioritizing the shortest ones.  This started out wonderfully, I read 20 books in January! That was followed by 10, 10, 9 in February, March and April.  Those 4 months constituted 69% of my reading for the entire year…..I just lost steam.    I finished 2018 with 71 books read, lower than either 2017 or 2016.

Average Rating (Enjoyment)

Admittedly, with every book I finished, the next book had to be AT LEAST as long, so the books got longer.  Since I was not choosing the books I most wanted to read, I was expecting my enjoyment of the books to be lower than in past years.  I was right:

My average rating was 5.4, a 10% decrease from my average enjoyment.  And a 19% decease from my 2017 “year of prioritized reading” average enjoyment.  As such, reading became a bit more tedious for me.  As the year continued, I slowly forgot about my volume reading and started picking books that were at the top of my heap.

My average rating on books finished in the first 4 months of the year was 5.1.  Since then?  5.8.  

Since I’ve begun tracking books read, only 3.24% of the 432 books have received a 10 rating.  In 2018, no book received a 10 rating.  

Publication Dates

56% of the books I read in 2018 were published in 2016-present.

The oldest? * 850-Meditations by Marcus Aurelius * 1926-The Richest Man in Babylon by George Samuel Clason * 1929-All Quiet On The Western Front by Erich Maria Remarque * 1946-Zorba the Greek by Nikos Kazantzakis * 1951-The Wisdom of Insecurity by Alan Watts * 1962-One Day In The Life of Ivan Denisovich by Solzhenitsyn

There were no differences in enjoyment between recently published books and slightly older published books.

Topic Areas

In 2016 I tracked the topics/genres of each book I read.  I got the metadata from Barnes & Noble.  After forgetting about it last year, I wanted to track this again this year.   However, I wasn’t able to get the same data from Barnes & Noble.  So I went with Goodreads, which provided much more general/generic/specific genres, unfortunately. 

Each book had 2-4 topic areas, so there is not a 1:1 mapping between topics and books read.

Anyways, here they are:

Here are my favorite books of 2018, in order:

* I Will Teach you to be Rich by Ramit Sethi * Skin in the Game by Nassim Taleb * Remote by Jason Fried * Let My People Go Surfing by Yvon Chouinard * When by Daniel Pink * Finish by Jonathan Acuff * Tao of Charlie Munger by David Clark * Relentless by Tim Grover * Rework by Jason Fried * Deep Work by Cal Newport * Find your Why by Simon Sinek * Warren Buffett and the Interpretation of Financial Statements by Mary Buffett and David Clark * Meditations by Marcus Aurelius * Unspeakable by Chris Hedges * The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down by Haemin Sunim

I Will Teach you to be Rich by Ramit Sethi This book took me by surprise. It completely belied it’s “click-bait-y” name. Sethi teaches practical and basic financial literacy, in layman’s terms, while clearly acknowledging that “rich” is defined differently by different people.  Sethi even encourages readers to decide for themselves what their rich life looks like.  Once you know what YOUR version of a rich life entails (e.g. being able to fly and see relatives often, being able to work < 20 hours a week, no commute, owning a Bugatti, etc, etc), you can work to step towards it.

In a world where credit card debt, balance transfer offers, PMI, car loans, and investment antipathy are commonplace, this book dispels with myths, and preaches actionable, practical, systematic advice.

Skin in the Game by Nassim Taleb Even though Taleb likes to write in a preachy, esoteric, back patting way (much like Gladwell), the content is rich and well explained.  Taleb believes that one must have “skin in the game” for many modern, social and economic systems and constructs to work efficiently.  Due to my economics background, I heartily agree.  When you look observe issues in America that adversely affect a minority (e.g. Flint water, health care/insurance, police brutality, immigration, legal system, global warming/pollution, etc), you see systems where all parties involved don’t have skin in the game to the same degree.  When incentives are mis-aligned, you have opportunity for one party who is incentivized by goals that are harmful to other parties.  

Adam Smith laid it out so well almost 250 years ago: “It is not from the benevolence of the butcher, the brewer, or the baker that we expect our dinner, but from their regard to their own interest. We address ourselves, not to their humanity but to their self-love, and never talk to them of our own necessities but of their advantages. “

Economic systems that required benevolence from many have failed spectacularly in history (at scale). Economic systems that didn’t require such benevolence have succeeded at a relatively higher rate. Our world enjoys a collective high standard of living, long life expectancies, higher levels of education, and more.

That said, one reality I’ve wrestled with is the reality that while economic systems that don’t require benevolence from the participants to “work”, while they most always create a higher “total standard of X [living, health, etc], they also ensure or have the constant byproduct of some participants having an unbelievably low standard of X.  

There may not be economic and social systems that can both maximize the “total standard of X” and also maintain some “minimum standard of X” but I think working to ensure that any system is designed to give all participants equal or closely equal skin in the game is a worthwhile end.

Remote by Jason Fried This book doesn’t grab the top spot this year, but had the greatest impact on my life this year.  

Working remotely is a concept that has only recently been gaining steam, due to a host of factors (general societal changes, technological advancement, and more).  It’s new, unknown to many, and scary to many (including me).

This year I became a remote worker.  I left my highly standard, safe, normal, office job (complete with office cubicle, bus commute, salary, employee appreciation dinner, corporate red tape, water coolers, shirt and tie), and accepted a job to work from home, remotely.  

It’s been life changing in the freedom it’s afforded me and my family.  As I learn more about myself I’ve realized that freedom of time is my definition of a rich life.  Working remotely has given me incredible freedom of time that I never knew was feasible.  I largely get to set my own hours, and have the freedom to spend time with my wife, dogs, cats, friends and family.

Now, it’s not all roses and bergamot oil and ghiradelli chocolates.  The remote worker has to be more technologically savvy, more self-disciplined, and more financially savvy.  There’s far more to figure out on your own.

But the freedom of time and freedom of choice is wonderful.

Remote by Fried and DHH de-mystifies what remote work is.  For anyone with the skills or interest in a remote career, read the book!

Let My People Go Surfing by Yvon Chouinard Chouinard is the founder of Patagonia.  I love these biographical books on the life of a founder and the company they founded. It always shows that no successful company arose due solely to luck or timing. While those chance aspects always play some role, successful business arise due to passion, perseverance, failures and hard work. He also talks about the many principles he instilled in Patagonia that are not directly or inherently related to business success, e.g. doing good, protecting the environment. When by Daniel Pink Pink lays out how important Timing is to everything in our lives.  He shows example after example of differing rates of: infection from surgery based on when the surgery occurs, rates of parole granted depending on if the decision is made before or after lunch, and so many other eye-raising examples. it’s a fun read that will encourage you to think about timing in every aspect of your world. Finish by Jonathan Acuff Finish breaks down how forming more completable tasks and goals, and finishing them, is more important psychologically, than the tasks and goals actually being significant in and of themselves.  Tao of Charlie Munger by David Clark Munger has been Warren Buffett’s right hand man for decades. It’s interesting to read how incredibly successful people usually have a counterpart who never holds back with them.  You need that sort of honest opinion and brutal feedback. Relentless by Tim Grover Relentless deals with the mental aspects of complete dominance, specifically around sports. We tend to think of sports competitors as incredible athletes primarily, and businessmen as very intelligent, but often, it’s the mental strength that underlies success in each endeavor. Rework by Jason Fried I’m a sucker for anything Fried, DHH, Basecamp, etc.  They impress me as thoughtful, intelligent and good communicators.  Rework is a biography of sorts, telling their story while sharing the lessons they’ve learned to help current and future entrepreneurs. Deep Work by Cal Newport Deep Work is a cousin to Flow by Csikszentmihalyi or Focus by Goleman.  “work” or “productivity” follow an uber-Pareto Principle.  The times where we can get into true focus, deep work, and flow, is when the bulk of work gets done where the bulk of value gets created. It is prompting me to figure out the best ways to eliminate distractions to allow me to complete deep work more and more often.

2019

In 2019 I will be continuing the prioritized reading that I switched to in 2018.  Even though my To-Read list is curated by me, it’s still 900+books long.  Life is too short to read any book that isn’t in my top 150.  The books I’m most looking forward to reading in 2019:

* Principles by Ray Dalio * How to Change Your Mind by Michael Pollan * Bad Blood by John Carreyrou * Mastering Fear by Brandon Webb * Tools of Titans by Tim Ferriss * Dare to Lead by Brene Brown * The Dichotomy of Leadership by Jocko Willink * Tribe of Mentors by Tim Ferriss * It Doesn’t Have to be Crazy at Work by Jason Fried * Dream Golf by Stephen Goodwin * Fooled by Randomness by Nassim Taleb * Team of Teams by Stanley McChrystal * The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene * The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday * Atomic Habits by James Clear * Becoming a Supple Leopard by Kelly Starrett * The Book of Why by Judea Pearl * Thinking In Systems by Donella Meadows * The Anatomy of a Golf Course by Tom Doak * Astroball by Ben Reiter * The Laws of Human Nature by Robert Greene

Happy reading in 2019 everyone!