Blank Canvas 14
Read on AO3.
Summary: The world continues to turn.
Word Count: 3789
Chapter 13
Chapter 15
Master Post
It was November now, with December looming on the horizon.
Some things didn’t change all that much. Haise still woke up early, still cooked breakfast for himself and Hide (when he wasn’t away). He still caught the train to the 1st ward when he was done, still failed to obtain a wave from Ami at the secretary’s desk, and still trotted down the 6th floor hall to the glorified broom closet with his and Sen’s name on it.
After work, he still went to Anteiku. Still got a black coffee and partook in Yoriko’s pastries. He still helped at Apes & Dobers, organizing both food and furniture in his spare time. He still went back to his apartment at the end of the day, still filled a sketchbook with images of Sen or draft ideas. The same steady routine.
However, there were aspects of it that were different.
Obviously, there was Sen. Unlike Takatsuki, she frequently asked Haise how she looked in her outfit for the day. He would always smile and tell her the same thing: she looked beautiful. And unlike Takatsuki, Sen would believe him and light up.
(And every now and then, she would teach him how to take them apart.)
The story was also progressing nicely. Sen introduced a new character for Fushimi to interact with: a companion named Miharu, an independent detective with a vested interest in— and a mysterious connection to— the Hierophants.
Haise remembered looking at Miharu’s profile and smiling. “A bit on the nose, don’t you think?”
“Art imitates life,” was all Sen had to say.
And then Anteiku. Mr. Yoshimura’s infrequent shifts now required more attention and care. Touka and Yoriko, gained a second job with Kaya and Enji making sure he was alright as he moved about. However, as the latter two became busier with Apes & Dobers, it became clear something had to change.
And then, one day…
“Manager?!” Haise repeated with his jaw hung open. “That’s— That’s incredible, Touka!”
“Hold your horses, Coffee Kid; I haven’t accepted,” Touka said, hands up. “Mr. Yoshimura only told me today.”
She’d been trying out new nicknames in light of his new name, ‘Coffee Kid’ being the latest of the bunch. ‘Little Helper’ was the one before, and it didn’t stick as well as ‘Coffee Kid’ apparently was.
“Still, wow!” He chuckled in disbelief, running a hand through his hair. “I’m so happy for you!”
Touka nodded listlessly. “Mhm.”
She did one of her impromptu crashes at his and Hide’s apartment, showing up with little to no warning. Once he let her in, she found one of Hide’s secret wine bottles, opened it without asking, and took the opportunity to spill the news.
Haise frowned. “You… don’t sound too happy about it. Is there something wrong?”
She took a swig of the bottle and sighed. Wordlessly, she slid a slip of paper across the counter.
He scanned over the miniscule text. “An acceptance letter into—?” He stared at the name— “Chigyou School of Medicine?! Touka, you—?”
“I got in.” She smiled tiredly. “For the spring semester.”
“But then, you’d be in Kyoto, so you wouldn’t— Oh.” He felt so stupid. “Touka…”
“And there you go.” She took another swig of wine. “My dream, or the legacy of the one who let me chase it?”
Haise sat back down in his seat, unsure of what to say.
“And it’s not like I can pawn Anteiku off to someone else; Yoriko’s a total scatterbrain, and it’s not like Uta and Itori are gonna give Yomo back anytime soon. Plus, he’s also a scatterbrain.”
He twiddled his thumbs.
“What?” Touka drank again. “You look like you wanna say something.”
“N-No, not really.” He shook his head. “I don’t know if I could choose between them, is all.”
“Must be nice. Getting your dream job dropped in your lap, plus a girlfriend?” She groaned. “I’m so jealous.”
“S-Sorry…”
“Oh, shaddup.” That alcohol worked pretty fast, it seemed. “Not like you can take Mr. Yoshimura’s place for me.”
“Still, there’s gotta be some way I can help.”
She closed her eyes, thinking for a moment. “I’ve got it.”
“Of course!” Haise sounded a little too enthusiastic, but he hated seeing her like this. “What is it?”
“Turn on the TV.”
He blinked, then chuckled. “Alright.”
They watched a few late night cartoons, laughing and relaxing the night away. Before long, Touka was fast asleep, with the wine bottle completely drained. She had a high tolerance, so he wasn’t particularly worried.
He pulled the bottle gently out of her hands, then threw a spare blanket over her. He found a pillow for her to keep her neck from getting sore, and turned off the TV. Once he was sure she would be comfy, he brushed his teeth and changed into pajamas.
Before heading into his room, he glanced at Touka one last time, and frowned. She shouldn’t have such a choice placed on her shoulders. He understood why she was the best choice for manager after Mr. Yoshimura, but it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right.
And yet…
He sighed, and went to bed.
—
That night, his brain must have been feeling nostalgic, because he dreamt of the day he met Touka. It was the summer after he graduated high school. He’d managed to get into Kamii University’s waitlist, and until a verdict was met, his aunt demanded that he ‘finally make himself useful’, which was just code for ‘become scarce until your dorm is ready, or you’re out of here’. Not that he wasn’t already scarce; he hadn’t had a real conversation with her, his uncle, or Yuichi in years. But he didn’t need her to tell him that the threat was real this time.
That was how he came across Anteiku. He’d gotten unreasonably lucky for someone like him; Mr. Yoshimura seemed to pick his miserable form out of every customer, and took the other seat at the table. Even though Haise had been a little young to fully enjoy coffee, they chatted over a cup, and Mr. Yoshimura decided to hire him as a server.
(His aunt had been less than pleased. But money was money.)
Touka was heading into her final year of high school, and Mr. Yoshimura figured Haise would benefit from having someone of a similar age teaching him instead of Enji or Kaya.
At first, he was wrong. Touka was a terrible teacher. Haise’s demeanor apparently forced him to travel a minefield around her. Not only that, but his insistence on calling her by her surname instead of by her first name (like she asked) was grating on her. In some sort of petty (if deserved) retaliation, she called him by all sorts of nicknames.
And for someone who apparently struggled with kanji, she was pretty creative about them.
“Hey, Weekdays! Get over here.”
“Moneybags, need a refill for table eight!”
“Oi, Tree Hugger. You’re doing it wrong. Again.”
“Listen here, Gold Digger—!”
Until— ironically, in hindsight— he caved. He called her Touka— and they were arguing about Rize. Touka’s hotheaded nature— or maybe Rize’s aggressively cruel one— had rubbed off on him more than either of them realized, and in the heat of the moment, he said Touka’s name.
It had surprised both of them, and she walked away immediately after. Haise didn’t even remember what exactly he’d said to her, and ultimately, it didn’t matter. Rize left, and he realized that being discarded was far worse than being ignored.
Despite their argument, he dragged himself through Anteiku’s staff doors after closing time and made himself a lonely cup of coffee. Then, Touka appeared.
“Yo,” she said.
“Hey…” he said back.
“You’re… not with her.”
“Heheh… So I’m not.”
A beat. “Did she dump you?”
“She…” He sighed. “I don’t know.”
“The fuck you mean, you don’t know? She did or she didn’t, right?”
“I don’t know, okay!” Kaneki set the cup down harder than he wanted to. “She— She blocked my number, and her apartment is empty, and I just don’t— I can’t—!”
Touka raised a brow, unaffected. “Sounds like you got dumped.”
His hand curled into a fist, and he hung his head. “Alright. I… I got dumped.”
Another beat as she shuffled in her spot. “Do you wanna talk about it?”
“I… No, I don’t.” What was there to talk about? It wasn’t like Touka liked Rize, anyway. She’d probably just say ‘I told you so’ in a thousand different ways, which wouldn’t help anyone, least of all him.
But she didn’t push the subject like he expected her to. Instead, she looked at his coffee cup, then smelled the air around it. “You used the pre-ground beans, didn’t you?”
He gave her a confused look. “I did…”
She suddenly snatched the cup. “Wait here. Don’t move.”
He obeyed. Rather, he didn’t feel like doing anything else, but he stayed where he was regardless of the reason. After a few minutes, she returned with a fresh cup and set it in front of him.
“Go on.”
He took a cautious sip. “It’s… really good…”
“Hand-ground ones are the best,” she explained. “The flavor comes out stronger when it’s fresh.”
“Oh… I see.” He took another sip. Then another, and another. “Thank you… That’s… This is really nice of you.”
She smirked. “Don’t get used to it.”
He chuckled, then shuddered, then ruined the perfect cup with salty tears. “I-I’m sorry… I’m so, so sorry…”
And Touka dropped everything to embrace him as he sobbed into her shirt. He cried and cried and cried. He couldn’t say he was sad over Rize, but he also couldn’t say ‘good riddance’ and move on. Rize had brought normalcy to his life, telling him that even someone like him could be understood. But now that understanding was gone, and he was alone again. He was a—
“It’s not that good, Kaneki.”
Touka tried to joke, and Kaneki, in the blur of his tears and haziness of his headache, somehow laughed. For the briefest of moments, he was able to come up for air.
And then a realization. “You said my name.”
She scoffed. “Oh, please; I’ve always said your name.”
And then there was more laughter. “What kind of person is named ‘Gold Digger’?”
“The stupid kind,” she retorted, but she was smiling.
They’d been best friends ever since. To help Haise bounce back, she took him to her judo classes, getting him in shape while releasing all that pent-up energy. He learned that there was more to violence than just hurting someone; it could also be used to protect what mattered.
He also learned that Touka had a mean right hand.
———
“Between a job I’m good at and the chance to realize my dream, huh?”
At Shoeisha, Sen— hair in a half-done French twist— scarfed down Haise’s breakfast that he’d prepared for her: a simple omelet with black pepper, green onions, and shreds of bacon. She always made a habit of skipping breakfast, but with a ‘master chef for a boyfriend’, in her words, she had quickly changed her tune.
In the meantime, he figured he’d ask an unbiased party about Touka.
“This coffee shop’s quite precious to her, then?” Sen scooped up some bacon. “Oh, that’s some good bacon.”
“Haha… I’m glad you like it.” He smiled. “But yes. It’s precious to both of us; the manager helped us get off our feet when no one else would look our way.”
“I see…” She thumbed away some flecks of egg on her cheek, then licked them off her finger, making him swallow. “So she feels like she has some sort of duty to the place.”
“Yeah…” Haise pursed his lips. “The manager’s getting old, and he’s gotten much worse this year, so… it probably won’t be very long before the position is vacant.”
It hurt to say it out loud, but the truth was right in front of him: Mr. Yoshimura wasn’t long for the world. Who knew if he’d even make it to next summer.
“Oh…” She frowned.
“I-It’s okay.” He shook off the onset of sadness. “What would you choose?”
Sen was happy to get back on track. “I’d choose my dream, without hesitation. All that hard work, just to not take the next step? Sounds like a waste to me. I can’t just throw away everything I’ve worked for like that, even if it is for stability. If I haven’t seen the end, then I’ll keep running.”
Haise smiled. It was just like her to say that. “Even if the job has a lot of good memories?”
Sen wiped her hands with a napkin. “Especially because it has a lot of good memories. Besides, a building’s just a building. It has no soul, not like people do. Once the people leave, it’s just an empty space with nothing to offer.”
It was a solid point. “But the memories are attached to the building, aren’t they? We can’t just abandon them like that.”
She raised a brow. “Sure we can. Are memories in the building? If it’s destroyed, do the memories go with it?”
“No, but—”
“Then there’s no problem. You can always restart, rebuild, and regain.” Sen wiped her hands on a napkin. “Memories will always be memories. If you let them hold you back, then you’ll never get anywhere.”
She was always so certain of herself, and it was part of why he loved her. That sort of boldness, with little reason to turn back, was something he couldn’t look away from.
“You’re supposed to learn from them, not try to replicate them.” She snapped the tupperware shut. “You’re only hurting yourself if you don’t.”
However, much like how sutures stung when they stitched together a wound, that boldness and certainty was borne of vulnerability, of hurt. Haise made his way over to her, and offered his hand. After staring at it for a moment, she took it, making a surprised gasp as he suddenly pulled her into an embrace.
There was a pause, and then she said, “Thanks.”
“Mhm.” He carded her hair with his fingers, stopping whenever he reached a tangle.
“The omelet was delicious, by the way.”
“Oh…” He looked away. “Um, thank you.”
“I mean it, Haise.” She seized his jaw and forced him to look at her. “You worked hard to get where you are. Be proud of yourself.”
Haise remembered the journey well: he wanted to make himself useful while Hide earned all the money, and so he turned to cooking. Cooking meant learning, and learning meant books. Lots of books, followed by videos followed by shows followed by more books.
He and Hide had been the subject of many failed meals— there were many times where the two of them had to share the toilet after sampling his latest creation.
And when he thought of those days— days of overcooked meats and exploding eggs— and the fruit they bore now, he couldn’t bear to throw them away. Not until it was completely useless, or he lost his passion.
“I did,” he said, her assertion bolstering his confidence. “I did…”
She smiled, got onto her tippy toes, and pecked him on the lips. He smiled back and returned the favor.
It wasn’t enough. They kissed again, harder. One of his hands pulled her in by the waist of her dark skirt, while the other cradled the base of her skull, letting her lean against it for support.
She sighed when he massaged her scalp, and he chased that noise down her throat while she bunched up the fabric of his shirt.
She smelled a little different today. New shampoo? Like ripe fruit, specifically peaches. The fuzzy fruit crossed his mind as he licked the minute hairs on her chin, then found her mouth again. She tasted much sweeter, he thought.
Or maybe those were the hormones.
She nipped at his lower lip, and he felt her smile at the low noise that escaped him. She pursued her own sound from him now, carding his hair and tugging on his lip, and it felt so, so good.
Like some horny teenager, his hand hiked up her skirt, eager to access his favorite part of her, but then she seized it with a smirk. “Easy there, painter boy. We’re still on the clock.”
Haise immediately stopped, trying not to make a face. “Er…”
She saw right through him, and sucked a breath through her teeth, turning pink. “Too much?”
“N-No— Rather, it’s not that.” He cleared his throat. This would be fun to explain. “My, um, my friend calls me that sometimes, so if you say it, then—”
“Then it feels like you’re kissing them,” she finished.
He rubbed his neck. “Sorta, yeah, and not— You know.”
She grinned, sensing an opportunity. “I’m afraid I don’t. Not what?”
He huffed out a laugh. “Sen…”
“Tell me. It feels like you’re kissing your friend and not what?” She was enjoying this too much as she hung onto him.
He squirmed under her scrutinizing gaze, then screwed his eyes shut. “Promise not to laugh?”
“I can’t promise something I know nothing about.” It was a bit of an inside joke between them at this point.
He sighed and mumbled, “The woman of my dreams.”
She blinked, then made her own face, which was worse even if it was warranted.
“Too much, right?” he guessed.
“An understatement, but yes. Corny, cliché, whatever you wanna call it.” She patted his cheek, chuckling. “But I’m flattered.”
A consolation prize, if anything. He stepped back to let her go to her desk, and they got back to work.
———
“I couldn’t imagine being in her position,” Hide said, watching TV on the couch. “Manager or medicine? I mean, c’mon…”
It was a rare occasion when Hide was home tonight. He had been busier than ever lately, and his trips were becoming much more frequent. Chie had also become unreachable, likely having to relocate and kill her number. But for now, it seemed things had finally cooled down.
And that was when Haise brought up Touka.
“Sure, chasing the dream seems like the most sensible choice; she’s only ever worked toward that goal,” Hide continued, “but if she chooses it, what about everyone who’d lose out on Anteiku? We’re not the only ones who’ve attached ourselves to it— There’s Yoriko, Kaya, Enji, everyone at Apes & Dobers… What happens to them when it’s taken away from them?”
Haise frowned from the kitchen as he cleaned a plate. “Would you rather she give up on her dream?”
“I didn’t say that.” Hide scratched his head, and adjusted himself on the couch. “I’m just saying that either way, a lot more people beyond her are gonna be affected, regardless of her choice.”
“Mm…” Haise put the plate down and dried his hands. “To choose… is to sacrifice…”
“Woah, that something your girlfriend said?” Hide laughed.
He turned pink. “Sh-She has a name, Hide!”
More laughter. “I was kidding! Kidding!” It died down quickly. “But seriously: at the end of the day, she’s gotta pick one, and we’ll be there when she does.”
He picked up another plate. “Yeah. We will.”
That was when it happened. The news came on, and the world came knocking.
“Tragic news today, as one of the two remaining members of the Yasuhisa family, Nashiro Yasuhisa, has been discovered dead in the 13th ward.”
The first thing Haise did was drop the plate in his hands. It clattered loudly against the sink. What?
“Officer Ui, of the Washuu Crime Task Force, is attributing the crime to the crazed murderer known as the ‘Torso’, due to Ms. Yasuhisa’s torso missing from the site…”
Had… Had he heard that correctly? The Torso had been active lately, but he hadn’t paid much attention to it. It was always something in the background, always white noise— albeit unique— to an otherwise ordinary day.
“We will have to have everyone in the area to stay indoors,” Officer Ui said in an interview.
This time was different. Unlike the faceless victims the Torso had targeted up to this point, he recognized Nashiro’s name. They weren’t exactly friends, and he didn’t have a habit of talking to Kurona every day of the week, but dead? Nashiro? Just like that?
Her smiling face was on the news, with bleached platinum hair and gray eyes; a cropped photo from one of Taiwa Act’s group staff photos. Haise recognized it because he had taken it.
Hide broke the silence, staring at the screen. “What the fuck…?”
“We don’t know if or when the Torso will strike again, so we will be conducting a ward-wide survey,” Officer Ui continued. “There will be a temporary curfew in the 13th while we search the homes of any possible suspects.”
“Can they do that?” Haise asked, brow furrowing as he took a seat on the couch.
“They can with the right motive,” Hide mumbled. “This is the first time they’ve really cracked down on the Torso, though. And so dramatically, too. Something’s different.”
Now that Haise got a good look at Hide, he noticed Hide was glaring. Something was different, alright.
“A lobbyist organization with a lot of government influence has been using serial killers to get rid of inconvenient opponents.”
As he thought back to that premise, proposed so long ago now, another thought occurred. “Hide, do you still have Donato’s case file?”
“The Priest? Uh…” Hide scratched his head. “Yeah, I think so…”
Haise prayed that he was wrong about this, if only because fiction became far more terrifying when it skirted close to the line that separated it from reality.
“Vengeance.”
He still hadn’t figured out that line from Donato yet. It had been at the back of his mind, simmering— until now. He had been so focused on Sen at the time that he had missed the finer details.
“Everything you need is in my case file.”
Hide came back, and the two of them went through the autopsies again. Two hundred victims later, Hide’s eyes widened.
“None of these people worked in the Washuu Task Force,” he whispered. “This is—”
“Hide…” Haise carried a warning in his voice. They shouldn’t be looking into this.
“Sauce—” ‘Sauce’? Really?— “we literally have an illegal government file sitting between us, and you’ve literally broken into Cochlea. I think we’re past the point of no return.”
Haise squeezed his eyes shut and didn’t reply. Just then, his phone buzzed:
From: Sen
got our inmate!
we’ll meet him next week :D
He stared at the message.
Yeah.
Way past the point of no return.
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