#and kelsier. he has the swag

[koravelliumavast]

Me explaining why I like a character:

[koravelliumavast]

All Zellion Lore

He gets no bitches

Absolutely zero pussy

Is an incel

Does not actually exist

Raw ANTI-sex appeal (leads to being sent to tumblr horny jail)

No bitches megamind

Saddest most pathetic sex ever

Lesbian

Brandons elden ring character

Syls exlover

Zellion is the same Zellion as in Sixth Incarnation of Pandora, an unpublished sci-fi novel which he wrote

Dustbringer Moash

The author of the Gravity Fallsjournals

No drip

Secret project main characters

Is in fortnite

Died on the way back to his home planet

Is a war criminal

Zane venture but with spikes

Is kelsier in shardplate

Zero swag points

An onion 🧅

Swagless bastard

Constantly taking L’s

Has a homoerotic friendship with dalinar

Coolest mfer to ever exist

Wears metal plates

Inspired mass hysteria (true)

Zellion is love, Zellion is life

Unchained bondsmith

Is tumblr pikachu guy

Both odium and dalinars champion

The hero of ages

Has secrets

His only rhythm is Nickelback

Moashes boyfriend

Raboniels ex

Emperor Zurg

Has hooked up with dalinar in his drunk era

Is actually Adonalsium who didn’t get shattered but it was actually a prank

Unknowable

Did something unthinkable to that old man

Nvm he just fucked him

On the Kaladin and Szeth (b)road trip

Unfuckable

He might kill Moash idk at this point

The only blue fused

A simp for Kaladin

Is actually Szeth

Bisexual loser

he is also Taravangians new godsona

Drops his microwaveable lonely boys dinner for one and cried

A worldhopper who moved to Roshar to get a mini

Lezian with those fake mustache glasses

Navani will not accept him into her theoretical polycule

Taravangians new look after taking the shard of Odium and killing Rayse

A tumblr sexy man

A tumblr sexless man

Punches Ruin in the face (real)

A liar and a dirty dirty cheat

Will be at Dragonsteel 2022 with a chair (for hammering)

Actually just a human with carapace

Biggest loser in the cosmere

Loves plinko

Despite apperances he’s completely unbreadable

Zellion was pinning over szeth who is already in a committed monogamous relationship with nightblood, but he's rebounding with moash

Models the fused fashion line

Is Kelsier

Is also every sexuality and none of them at the same time.

Himbo

The tenth unmade

Gaslight gatekeep girlboss

Literally Hrathen but unfuckable

Has a gun

Created in a lab made specifically to be unfuckable

Virgin Loser (emphasis on loser)

Hot

Hoid in yet another disguise

The desire to be sexy but not having sex

Smores stick

Big scary fused villain (probably)

The Warrior of Light from final fantasy 14

Odiums champion? (One to make sense)

One of Hoids exes

Aesudan post crystal monster magical girl transformation sequence.

Is a slutty slutty bitch

Unfuckable

Sits in pain AND misery

From Sudan

A rough lover but once again is unfuckable

The sole knight radiant. Accesses all 10 surges

Clowned upon

Cries when he fights you. Like his (NOT)lover szeth

A ben10 alien

Mysterious

All of us

Has slept with Sadeas

His spikes are full of secrets

Is actually MRAIZE

Mansplain manipulate malewife

Is cringe

Bisexual but nobody wants them

Is actually a noble gas

Dalinar/Zellion/Szeth love triangle

Is Moash

Came from Moisty Mire

The most powerful being in the cosmere

Just a human guy

Nepotism baby

Is probably like hot but also still gets no bitches

The only thing nightblood won’t eat

Is actually Rin (bisexualzellion) in disguise

One in a Z(e)illion

He’s a shard

Odiums singersona

Is Brandon’s self insert

Swagless he/they (and any he/they pronouns user you have swag because you are not the biphobic bisexual Zellion)

#zellionsweep

A Pokémon or something

A new foe has appeared

Maybe he’s a cat boy

Wears metal plates

Is also Evi Kholin who could never be cringe

Yells it’s Zellin time before fighting anyone

Biphobic

Lavender marriage

He should be in fortnite

In love with szeth

Naked wrestling scene in Oathbringer

The friends we made along the way

Shouldbereadingprobably‘s cat

You canNOT fuck the spikes as the spikes are unfuckable

Is El (again probably actually makes sense)

Forgiven by the lgbt community

Highest popularity to word count ratio

Additional lore (courtesy of @poploppege-cosmere)

Hoid behavior (that’s actually us)

Fucks with Maggie’s internet connectivity

Is not actually fuckable. Does not fuck.

Blorbo from my kickstarters

Zellionsweep girlies are the daughters of the Moash girlies you didn’t fuck

COSMERE TUMBLRS CHILD