#and leaving your wife feels like a decision that needs to marinate for a while

[adnauseum11]

Officer in Charge

John recuperates with your help.

2.1k words

cw: 18+ for swearing, sex (MDNI)

feedback welcome

I wrote this chapter twice, the first time it was a ridiculous length and parts of it still felt flat. This version has been tightened up (can you guess where? lmao) and reads a bit smoother but MAAAN let me tell you that I like receiving oral sex more than I like writing about it at this point.

this work is part of the SNAFU series, Masterlist is pinned to my blog

Ao3

You can tell John is feeling better when he badgers you about your chopping technique from the corner of the sectional couch. You’ve taken it upon yourself to cook dinner tonight and have relegated him to the living room, but that hasn’t stopped him from chiming in. He’s installed himself where he can see you work, dressed for comfort after a shower in faded grey sweatpants and a pub t-shirt that pulls tight at his biceps. You’re only a little more put together in your bootcut jeans and ratty t-shirt, neither of you dressed to be anywhere other than home.

Despite his interference, (or perhaps because of it, not that you’ll admit it) you’re able to pull off a simple dinner of marinated pork chops and steamed broccoli with roasted potatoes. Over the course of tucking in to the food John floats the idea of going to dinner with his friend and her wife in the next few days. The offer gets your full attention once you realize it’s not someone you already know. You’ve never been invited to meet anyone from John’s work before with the exception of the man who stopped by the night of the break-in, and that was pure coincidence. This would be a first for you, being properly introduced to someone from his world, and curiosity takes hold.

You give your blessing for John to make plans for dinner while you clean up, half your attention on the rise and fall of his voice down the hall. He’s got a self-satisfied look on his face when he returns, catching you finishing up with the pot in the sink.

“We’ve got a reservation for the night before New Year’s Eve at that Chop House that opened recently. Kate and her wife will meet us there.”

“You’ve been talking about that place for weeks. It has the cigar lounge downstairs?”

“Yeah, same one.”

“Fancy, John. We’ll get to dress up.”

You dry your hands and turn to look at the handsome man taking up space at your elbow. He looks like he wants to say something else but hesitates, his lips pressing together as your eyes meet.

“What?”

You prod him, it being out of character for him not to speak his mind. He studies you for a moment before seemingly making a decision and pressing ahead.

“About that- “

“About what?”

“Do you still have the dress you wore to my birthday dinner a few years ago?”

Your eyebrows climb your forehead as John speaks. You would have bet money on John not really paying attention to what you wear, never mind recalling an outfit from years ago.

“What did it look like? Was it velvet?”

You ask for confirmation and John’s eyes light up in recognition, telling you all you need to know. You remember the dress, and you’re pretty sure you still have it in the recesses of the wardrobe. It’s an off the shoulder, dark green floor length velvet dress, with one full length sleeve that ends at your wrist. The cut of the dress is tight, leaving one arm and shoulder exposed, the soft velvet accentuating your curves.

“Yeah, still have it?”

John’s interest in the dress shouldn’t surprise you, it is a slinky number, but for some reason it takes you off guard. You were firm friends when you wore it last, and his birthday dinner had been with a group of people at an upscale restaurant – not an intimate affair.

“Yeah, you remember that?”

“Course I remember that night.”

John sounds affronted at your disbelief, as if you’re calling him old. His brow furrows and his head tilts, his blue eyes clear and keen once again, pinning you in place.

“No, I mean, what I was wearing that night – that was years ago John.”

His face shifts and his eyes heat as he reaches out, wrapping a hand around your wrist to reel you into him.

“You wore the hell out of that dress, darling. It left an impression. I’d love to see it again.”

You let yourself be bundled up in his arms and directed down the hallway, John’s lips running over the base of your neck lightly, his wiry facial hair teasing you. Shivers sweep you from head to toe, your fingernails biting into his forearms as he steers you forward. The male groan of satisfaction when he discovers your nipples have tightened against your shirt sends a flash of desire through you.

“I want you, love.”

John’s deep voice is earnest in your ear, travelling down your spine directly to your core, a low throb rolling through you in response to his admission. You can feel his growing interest pressing against your ass as he directs you into the bedroom, his tongue swirling over your pulse point before the light drag of his teeth make you gasp.

“You’ve been looking after me all day, my turn, yeah?”

The low reverberations of John’s voice in your ear turn your insides molten and you sag against him, pressing yourself back against the hard planes of his chest, letting him take some of your weight. His mouth traces the curve of your neck as his hands find your hips, his body crowding you and pushing you forward. He stops before you topple into the bed and spins you around to face him, the black of his pupils eating up the dark blue of his iris.

“This isn’t going to set back your recovery, is it?”

You ask, clearly more concerned about his wellbeing than he is at the moment.

“Darling, I could be half dead and still want you.”

He works his hands under your t-shirt, tugging it over your head before you can respond, a master of the well-timed distraction. The sweep of air over your exposed skin makes your nipples tighten and you can feel John groan, his warm breath washing over the base of your neck. Your hands rise to press against his chest, using his solid form to steady yourself as he crowds you again, fingertips sweeping up your sides to cup your breasts. Your palms slide up the muscle of his chest, tilting your head to find his lips and kiss him deeply.

The pass of his tongue over yours raises goosebumps on your arms, subconsciously pressing yourself closer to the heat of his body. John corrals you against him, strong hands landing on your ass, urging your hips against his while he takes charge of the kiss. The delicious rasp of his tongue against yours completely distracts you from his hands tracing your waist and undoing the button of your jeans. The brush of his fingers over your lower abdomen as he works your fly down has your stomach swooping with desire. You break away to suck in a shaky breath and John takes the opportunity to back you the last few steps into the bed, sending you tumbling backwards with a surprised yelp.

The jeans hanging off your hips don’t take more than a few tugs from John to disappear, his focus locked on your sprawled body. John’s intense when something has his attention, and unfailingly when he turns that intensity in your direction it stirs you, a prickle of awareness running through you as you look up at his big frame. You reach for him but he catches your wrists and holds your hands down against the bed, his mouth finding yours for another searing kiss, leaving you panting when he pulls away.

A low moan tumbles out of your throat as he presses kisses down your body, raking his teeth over the satin of your bra, catching your nipple in a gentle pinch. The heat of his mouth closing over your nipple through the material sooths the flare of pain and makes your breath catch in your throat. Your hands twitch in his grasp, eager to feel him but his fingers tighten, the unspoken message clear – don’t touch. You’re on the verge of whining at him when he releases you to tug your underwear down your legs and settle himself on his knees at the edge of the bed. Fistfuls of the duvet fill your hands instead of grabbing at him, suddenly not as willing to divert his attention by disobeying. His big hands skim up your hamstrings, encouraging you to drape your legs over his shoulders while he presses kisses over the delicate skin of your inner thighs. The confident swipe of his tongue over your silken folds pulls a groan from your lungs, arching your back off the bed.

The duvet strains against your grip, your heel pressing into the wide muscle of John’s back as the heated drag of his tongue on your clit makes your hips follow mindlessly. His warm palm settles low on your belly, thumb brushing over your pubic hair, holding you down against the mattress as his tongue teases you, alternating between toying with your clit and your increasingly slick entrance. You try to grind your hips against his face, making a sound of frustration when he withholds the pressure you’re growing increasingly desperate for. Your voice wavers when you say his name again, the ‘n’ getting drawn out as his tongue swirls over you tightly. He lifts off you enough to speak, his lips ghosting over your skin, sending bolts of lightning shooting up your spine.

“Tell me what you want, love. Let me hear you.”

He doesn’t wait for your reply, diving right back in, his mouth closing over your swollen clit while his finger sinks into you up to his knuckle, ripping a gasp from your lungs.

“Shit, god, make me cum – I want your mouth on me, yes, like that-"

John finally settles in to a steady rhythm, running the tip of his tongue up one side of your clit and down the other, sending your hips chasing the sensation thoughtlessly as much as his hold will allow. He deftly adds another finger, sliding home in your slick heat with a groan against your plush flesh. Each rocking thrust of his fingers is paired with his wicked tongue swirling and sucking your aching clit until your writhing against his face, panting desperately against the bedding. The wet heat of your pussy is clenching around his fingers, trying to draw him deeper, making him moan. Vibrations roll through you, your back arching and your toes curling tightly, your breath catching in your throat as you start to babble, begging for your release.

“Don’t stop, fuck that feels so good, John don’t stop- “

The bedding is tangled in your grip as your entire body throbs, teetering on the edge of an orgasm. Your wanton moan bouncing off the walls is nearly as loud as the thundering of your heart, your body humming with delicious tension. John rides the roll of your hips, an expert in reading you, and crooks his fingers to brush against the sensitive bundle of flesh deep inside as he fucks you with his hand. A broken cry wrenches out of your chest as the combination of John’s beckoning fingers and his relentless tongue shoves you over the edge, your body bucking mindlessly against him as you cum. A matching growl rumbles out of John as an extra wash of your arousal leaks from your spasming walls around his fingers, dripping from his knuckles. Your thighs clamp down on his shoulders, your grinding hips riding out your orgasm as his tongue laps greedily at your tender flesh. John only eases off when your legs sprawl open again, sucking his fingers into his mouth as you pant like you’ve just sprinted a hundred-yard dash. His beard shines wetly in the lights of the room when he leans over your prone body, your hands instinctively raising to tug at his shirt. He kisses you deeply, palms landing on either side of your head, the earthy salty taste of you on his tongue making your pussy throb all over again.

He breaks away to tug his shirt off, your hands dropping to cup the curve of his erection, currently tenting the front of his sweatpants. When John had initiated the shift in your relationship it had taken you a little while to get used to the new level of intimacy, but now you're unable to imagine not having him like this; flushed, hard and wanting. He pauses in taking the rest of his clothing off, his eyes locked on you, your fingers searching out the shape of him through his sweats, forcing a grunt out of his lungs.

“What is it?”

You ask, releasing him to hook your fingers in the band of his sweats, trying to tug them down from your reclined position. He catches your hands, stilling them against the wiry hair of his stomach for a moment.

“I have something for you.”

“Is it a condom?”

“That too.”

His voice is dark, a low gravelly purr, full of promise that makes the base of your spine tingle in anticipation.

Next Chapter

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[word-scribbless]

Different

I know I have requests to write but this one has been sitting in my drafts and I wanted to finally post it!

Masterlist

Summary: When Hollis man tries to throw a wrench in things Gibbs reminisces about what makes Y/N so different.

TW: mentions of miscarriage, family death and domestic violence

Italics are flashbacks

————————-

Hollis Mann had come to help NCIS on a case of a missing Army luitenent and a missing marine gunnery Sargent. Y/N was also at NCIS from the FBI, helping profile suspects. This made for an interesting situation for Gibbs. Hollis his ex and Y/N his current girlfriend. It wasn’t uncommon for Y/N to work cases with Gibbs’ team, but she had yet to work one that envolved an ex. A streak he wasn’t too thrilled to have end.

Things were pretty civil, y/n knew he dated someone from Army CID, but didn’t remember her name right away. when Y/N arrived the team was in the squad room, working at their desks, she came and sat in Gibbs chair, asking what they had. When noone warned her of the impending doom of that decision , Hollis knew this woman and Gibbs were dating. She couldn’t help but be jealous. This jealousy only multiplied when she saw y/n kiss Gibbs cheek later that day when she thought no one was looking.

With the way Mann was acting, and a few comments from Tony, Y/N quickly put two and two together and realized that Hollis was THAT lieutenant colonel. Y/N was nothing but nice, not petty and jealous the way Hollis felt. Gibbs wasn’t nervous for their relationship, things were good with him and Y/N. He just wasn’t sure how Hollis would act. He knew y/N could handle herself though, so there wasn’t much to worry about.

Overall, things went pretty smoothly, that is until Hollis ‘let something slip’ about Shannon and Kelly, and clearly made a big deal out of ‘apologizing’ and assuming y/n didn’t know.

Gibbs was pissed because he could tell her intentions were to hurt Y/N. She was hurt when she found out during a cause, so she must have thought she could do the same to his current girlfriend. Gibbs wanted to tell her off, not because she messed up his relationship, or hurt Y/N, but because it was her intention to.

Y/N caught up with Jethto when he stormed out of the room after DiNozzo quickly changed the subject back to the case.

“Relax baby.” She said as she caught him by the steps, using the nickname she knew he secretly loved.

“She did that to hurt you.” He seethed, and Y/N slyly took his hand on the side where the team couldn’t see.

“But I’m not hurt.” She assured him. “You’re a catch J, I’m sure it’s not easy to get over you.”

“You think so?” He smirked at her, and she felt the tension leave his body.

“Mhm, but I really don’t plan on finding out anytime soon.” She smiled and settled for running her thumb over his fingers since she couldn’t kiss him and he squeezed her hand in understanding.

“Good to know.” He smirked. ”now get back to profiling and I’ll check in with Abby.

“Yes sir” she smiled and looked around before kissed his cheek quickly and heading back to the bull pen.

On the way down to abby’s lab he begins to think about the beginning of their relationship and how he and Y/N came to be.

Y/N and Gibbs had Worked together a few times, they had made a habit of going to get dinner after cases wrapped.

It felt like they were on the same page feelings wise but she was never sure. One night she got up her courage to bring it up.

“Gibbs,”

“Hmm”

“Are we on a date?”

He Smirked at her and took her hand

“Was kinda hoping you’d catch on.”

“Could of just asked” she smiled back. He rolled his eyes playfully and asked

“Y/N will you go on a date with me?”

“Sure how’s right now?” She giggled.

Before he could get to the lab Hollis caught him and pulled him into a near by conference room.

“I didn’t mean to mess things up by telling Y/N about Shannon and Kelly.” He could tell she was trying really hard to mean it, but wouldn’t truly be wracked with guilt if she had messed things up.

“She already knew Holl.” He admitted, trying to remember what y/n said about not being angry with her.

“You told her?” She questions surprised.

He sighed and nodded. This was not a conversation he wanted to have today.

“What’s so different about her?” She asked,

“Hollis.” He responded.

He could never answer that question simply. Truthfully, everything was different about her. She was just Y/N, his Y/N.

“I’m sorry, I guess I just never thought someone would crack you.” She smiled.

“Yeah well.” He smiled back, thinking of Y/N.

She would say she didn’t crack him, she just speaks Gibbs, or something silly like that. She never wanted him to feel like she was changing him.

“You love her” she said shocked.

“Hollis” he warned again.

“Have you told her?”

“She knows” he grunted.

“Yeah but have you told her.”

“Hollis”

“Tell her Gibbs” she said and he was thinking of a comeback when there was a knock on the door. Y/N poked her head in the room.

“Hey, I’m sorry to interrupt, but the director needs you in MTAC Gibbs” He didn’t know how she knew where they were, but god was he glad she did.

In the elevator Gibbs thought about why it’s so easy to trust and love Y/N. He thought back to the first time he told her about Shannon and kelly.

A few dates in she sensed he was struggling with something. It had been the anniversary of Shannon and Kelly’s deaths.

“J, I know you hate talking about things but,” she said carefully after dinner at his house.

“If you want to be my girlfriend then you are.” He grunted back taking her hand, assuming that’s where she was going.

“Oh!” She was shocked and had no idea what to say.

“You don’t want to be?”

“No, I do! I absolutely do” she corrected. “but that isn’t what I was going to bring up.”

“Oh then go on.” He chuckled.

“No we can talk about it another time, so I’m your girlfriend?” She smiled.

“Yup”

“Cool!”

“Cool?” He teased.

“Yeah cool!”

Gibbs chuckled and put an arm around her. “so what did you want to know?.”

“Another time-“ she started but was cut off by Gibbs.

“If it’s on your mind I wanna know”

“I-“

“Y/N” He insisted

“I’m a profiler”

“I know this” he said sarcastically.

“Right so I pick up on things and I pick up on things easiest when I have experienced the same type of thing.” She said and sighed at his raised eyebrow.

“English?”

She huffed a nervous laugh and continued.

“Okay I’ll just say it. I can tell you’ve suffered a big loss, probably family, a wife or a child. I know you probably don’t want to talk about it because you’ve been forthcoming about your ex wives and not ever about a loss so it’s clearly something personal.” She stopped and squeezed his hand. “And I hate talking about my loss, I also hate talking about my ex husband so you’re better at this communication thing than me.”

Gibbs scoffed “no one has ever told me that before.”

She smiled. “I just want you to know that however you process, however you grieve, I don’t want to change that. I just want you to know that I’m happy to be a part of it, lean on me like I want to lean on you. I won’t pry, or expect you to be over it, but if you loved them then they’re important to me.” She sighed again. “It just, felt wrong kind of knowing with out telling you. I know I don’t really know, just profiled but still.”

“My wife and daughter, they were killed. My wife saw a member of a drug cartel murder a man and was going to testify. Her protective detail was shot in the head while driving them and the crash killed them.” She breathed out and Gibbs winced waiting for the inevitable‘I’m sorry’ that he never knew what to do with but it never came. She just held his hand and nodded.

“I never tell anyone. They died, I shouldn’t dwell on it. But all my marriages failed because I wanted it back and I couldn’t let them go.”

She shook her head and nuzzled closer to him

“As much as we want to ignore it and hope the pain goes away, we still love them. That doesn’t mean we can’t love someone new, but that old love doesn’t just go away. I’d like to know more about them if you ever feel like sharing them with someone, but you don’t have to.”

He nodded and squeezed her hand then looked at her expectatntly. She noticed the tears in the corner of his eyes and was sure hers looked similar.

“My turn?”

Gibbs nodded.

“Ryan, my first husband. Killed on deployment a year into our marriage. I miscarried from the stress a few months later.” Gibbs pulled her closer into him wrapping his arms around her.

“He’d like you, you’re strong and protective, and you challenge me. He always said I needed someone challenging around to keep me honest.” She chuckled. “I- I didn’t want to date for the longest time after he died.. All my friends said I needed to move on, get out there again after a few years but I wasn’t ready so I picked people that would never work, people that were the exact opposite of him, of what I deserved. Then I married one of them. He ended up in jail, I ended up in the hospital.” Gibbs soft face turned to anger.

“Relax, he was killed in a prison fight 5 years ago.”

“Good” he said and she felt his body relax a bit.

“I stopped dating after that, until I met you.”

Gibbs smiled.

“The truth is, if you want to be in my life, Ryan’s part of it. Just like Shannon and Kelly are part of yours, and mine if you let me stick around. Which I’d like to”

He nodded And she readied herself for goodbye.

“Have any pictures?”

“Of Ryan?”

He nodded and she smiled.

“Yeah in my wallet, that mean you want me to stick around?

He nodded and she went to get her bag. She pulled out a picture and began to tell him about their first date, their lives, and why she thought Ryan would be happy that she was spending time with jethro.

Gibbs smiled and told her he’d be right back.

He returned with a box and pulled out an old scrap book that’s only ever seen the light of day when he’s particularly missing his family. He never thought he’d show someone else. But he also never thought he’d meet someone like Y/N.

“What’s this? She asked as he handed it to her.

“This is my turn.”

“Jethro.” She said as she opened it and realized it was pictures of Shannon and Kelly. She closed it again”we don’t have to.”

“I want to. They’d love you.”

She smiled and patted the spot next to her.

Back in the conference room, Y/N lingered with Hollis, knowing she needed to face her head on.

“He didn’t tell you about rule 6?” Hollis asked, still a bit of chill to her voice. Looking like she wasn’t quite ready to give up the hurt feeling just yet.

“He did, but I have rules of my own.” Y/N smiled trying to ease the tension.

“Is one of them not listening to his rules?”

She chuckled.

“Exactly.” She laughed “No I agree with some of them, but not the ones that go against the rules of being a civil human. It’s charming on him somehow... but it’s not a good look for me.”

She joked and eased a bit when Hollis smiled.

“Does that mean you’ll accept my apology?”

“I would, but there is no need for it.”

“There is, the way I acted was petty and uncalled for.” Hollis sighed, causing Y/N to nod.

“Maybe, but I understand.”

“Ugh why do you have to be likable?”

Y/N laughed with Hollis and relaxed a little. “Sorry, do you want me to say something mean? Or at least like scowl a little?”

“It would make me feel a little less guilty.” She smiled, but y/n could see the honesty in her eyes.

“Don’t feel guilty. I’m not running, I’m not upset. He’s a tough nut to crack. I get it. I didn’t know that he and you had history until your reaction, if I’d known I would have been more discreet, I never meant to rub your face in anything.” Y/N assured her

“You didn’t know?”

“Well I’d heard your name, you know tony.” The both huffed laughs “but jethro is, well you know.”

“That doesn’t upset you?” Hollis wondered

“Not really, I mean I’m a profiler so I have a leg up but he’ll tell me things when he’s ready.”

“You’re much more patient than me.”

“Not always, I just, I know what it’s like to lose someone and not know how to let them go.”

“Ah that’s how you’re different.”

“I’d like to think there’s other things he sees in me, but yes that’s a big difference.” She nodded.

“Hey, Y/N/N need your help. Hollis, DiNozzo has a statement to go over with you.”

They both nodded and followed Gibbs into the hall.

Gibbs pointed Hollis to the conference room where tony was.

“Hey come here” he led y/n to the elevator and paused it.

“Jethro what’s wrong?”

He grabbed her face and kissed her.

“There is way more I see in you.” He whispered against her lips.

“You heard me?”

“I did”

“Spy” she joked with a smile as she pulled him back in.

“You were too nice to her.” He grunted.

“I couldn’t be mean. I’d be bitter if I lost a man like you.”

“Mmm cause I’m such a good kisser?”

“Mhm among other things.”

“Yeah, I’m good at that too.”

“You’re a lot more than just good in bed Jethro.” Y/N said softly. “Not that you’re not excellent at that too.”

Gibbs laughed and kissed her head then looked seriously at Y/N.

“You know I care about you right?” Gibbs asked almost shyly. Y/N froze at his tone, she’d never heard him sound so insecure.

“Of course I do.” She cupped his face.

“Y/N love is a hard word for me-“

“Jethro, you don’t need to say it, I know how you feel. You show me every single day.” Y/N moved his face to look in her eyes.

“You deserve to hear it Y/N.” He huffed.

“What I deserve is to be loved and love. I think I have that Jethro.”

“You do.” He whispered and pulled her lips to his. “You do.”

“Good, now that that’s settled. Let’s go close this case huh?” He smiled at her words.

“Y/N” he said pulling her back from the switch. “I love you.” He said with confidence but she could tell it took everything he had to say it out loud.

She smiled as turned around, wrapping him in a hug. She hid her face against him. “I know you do baby. I love you too, So much!.”

He pulled her face up and looked into her eyes. all she could see was love as he leaned in to kiss her. She forgot where they were as he wrapped his arms around her and dipped his tongue in her mouth. He slowly pulled away and kissed her head.

“Okay, you ready now?”

“To go home? Yes.” She whispered, voice shakey from the kiss.

He smirked his classic Gibbs smirk and shook his head “to solve the case.”

“Oh that, yeah okay.” She said with a smile that he couldn’t help but love.

He knew she was it for him right then and there. He’d known for a while but never truly admitted it to himself. Yes he sucked at marriage and she didn’t have a great experience either. No matter what though, he knew she was it for him. He had only truly loved Shannon and Kelly before he met her, but he knew that both of them would have loved Y/N as much as he did and been proud of him for falling in love again.

@mac99martin @kittenlittle24 @viper-official @ilovemark1951 @theofficialzivadavid @averyhotchner @andreasworlsboring101 @diesinspanishbcimhispanic

[painterofhorizons]

Shepard asks: moon, supernova, and sun?

Catching up on asks, thank you so much for sending these back in the day. ^.^ I feel like my answers are pretty standard, but everything helps to flesh out Reda Shepard more since I just got back into writing her story. 🤔

From this Shepard ask meme. Feel free to send more.

Moon - Did your Shepard have any dreams as a child? (dream job, plans for future etc)

Tough to say, really. I haven't thought much about small Reda before. She grew up with the Reds on Earth, but I barely know anything about that time yet. Need to think about it more in the future. I do imagine those "childhood" years to be pretty gray and not filled with a lot of dreams or generally happy thoughts. She didn't know any other life, and growing up in a gang running crimes doesn't really lead to a lot of future perspectives outside of that life.

Supernova - When did your Shepard decide to join the Alliance? Was there a breaking point in their life that made them to become a soldier?

It never really was a decision she made by conviction. She grew up on Earth with the Reds, never knew any other life than being with a gang on the streets. One thing their leader always hammered into them was to not start any trouble with military. When Reda realizes she needs to get out of that gang, she waits, patiently looking for the right military to start trouble with - which happened to be Anderson on shore leave. It's a super lame attempt of theft, screaming at him that the only aim was to get caught, and he's not stupid. He asks her if she needs help, and while she makes a scene and refuses his help in the first moment, shortly after they meet again and she agrees that she could indeed need a way out. She's 15 at that time. He places her with his ex-wife for a start, and Cynthia then helps her to get settled in a life outside the Reds, helps her getting paperwork done, finding a flat and a temporary job. Anderson stays in touch, asking about her every now and then. He and Cynthia are the only meaningful contacts and relationship she has in those years, and he seems like an upright and reliable person. He sets a good example for her and lacking other ideas what to do with her life, she choses to follow his example and enlists when she turns 18. But it's not like serving in the military was something she always wanted to do or where she had an aha moment that led to that decision. It just looked like a reasonable thing to do to her, and he encouraged her to take that route.

Turned out that it was something she fitted well into, and that gave her sense, stability and a perspective. In the end, it wasn't too different than the hierarchy within the Reds, and while Shepard speaks her mind maybe one time too often and continued to get in trouble with her ties to the Reds in her first years of service (something that drove Anderson mad, really), in the end the military was exactly the right kind of structure for her to fit in, and that way she doesn't have to think about who she is outside of that. She's good at being a Marine, and it's what she is pretty much 24/7, and she tries to be a person Anderson can genuinely look at and be okay with.

Sun - Was there a person in your Shepard’s life that changed their view on life/the world?

Easy to say: David Anderson. It was more or less by accident that Shepard chose Anderson as her way out ticket back in the days. But the way he gave her a second chance at life when she needed one despite being just some brat whom he didn't know and didn't need to bother about, and the way he committed to her in terms of staying in contact and later making her his protege and the way he devoted to believe in her no matter how much headache she gave him in the first few years - that's something that sticks with her. It made her want to be a better person by following his example, both professionally and in character. Ever since she realized that he was serious about her, her goal was always to live up to that and not let him down.

[aion-rsa]

Scarface’s Tony Montana vs. Michael Corleone: Which Al Pacino is the Boss of Bosses

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Scarface hadn’t been made when Pete Townshend’s 1974 song “The Punk and the Godfather” came out, but The Godfather certainly had. The Who’s anthem was a musical allegory about the rock scene, but the lyrics might as well be interpreted as a conversation between Michael Corleone and Tony Montana. Possibly right before they rumble.

Al Pacino played both men in both movies, and in each film, he begins the story as a punk. But in The Godfather, at least, he grows into the establishment. Michael becomes don. Tony was a shooting star on the other hand, one on a collision course with an unyielding atmosphere. Both roles are smorgasbords of possibilities to an actor, especially one who chased Richard III to every imaginable outcome. Each are also master criminals. But which is more masterful?

The obvious answer would seem to be Michael Corleone because he turned a criminal empire into a multi-billion-dollar international business, and lived to a ripe old age to regret it. Cent’anni, Michael. Tony Montana doesn’t live to see the fruits of his labor, but his career in crime is littered with the successes of excess.

Montana is a hungry, young, loose cannon, just like real-life’s “Crazy” Joe Gallo, who went up against the Profaci family in the street fight which Mario Puzo and Francis Ford Coppola used as inspiration on The Godfather. Gallo stand-in Virgil “The Turk” Sollozzo (Al Lettieri) did a lot of damage while he was trying to muscle in on Don Vito Corleone’s territory, selling white powder. Montana leaves a larger body count in the wake of his cocaine empire career. 

Scarface is Pacino’s film. The whole movie is about Tony Montana and his meteoric rise through money, power and women. The Godfather is a mob movie, crowded with top rate talent in an ensemble case, but it belongs to Marlon Brando. While Michael inherits the position by The Godfather, Part II, he shares Godfather roles with Robert De Niro there, and people come away feeling a little sorry for Fredo. Michael isn’t the focus of an entire film until The Godfather, Part III, and by then folks were only distracted by his daughter. Tony Montana owns the screen from the moment it opens until his last splash in the fountain under the “World Is Yours” sign. The picture was his.

Making Your Bones on First Kills

Pacino brings little of the wisdom of his Godfather role to Scarface’s title character. This is by design. Every crime boss has to make his bones. In mafia organizations, real and cinematic, the button men on the street are called soldiers. And every soldier has to go through basic training before they’re ready to earn their button. Michael gets assassination training from his father’s most trusted capo, Pete Clemenza (Richard S. Castellano) before he goes out to enjoy the veal.

Scarface doesn’t give us many details of the crimes Tony was involved in while still in Cuba, so he makes his cinematic bones executing General Emilio Rebenga in the American detention camp for Cuban refugees. The two scenes are polar opposites in all ways but suspense.

When Michael is sitting at the dinner table with Sollozzo and Police Captain McCluskey (Sterling Hayden), he lets Sollozzo do all the talking, easing him into comfort before pulling the trigger. Tony barely lets Rebenga get a whimper in during his first onscreen hit, which plays closer to an execution. Tony covers the sounds of his own attack with a chant he himself begins. It is a brilliant overplay, especially when compared to another scene that resembles The Godfather, with Tony killing a mid-level gangster and a crooked cop towards the end of Scarface. 

A major difference between the two roles is best summed up in a line Tony says in Scarface. He learned to speak English by watching James Cagney and Humphrey Bogart. Montana comes from the Cagney tradition of broad gangster characterizations. In The Godfather, Kay Adams (Diane Keaton) asks Michael if he’d prefer Ingrid Bergman. The young soldier has to think about it. This is because Pacino is miles removed here from Bogart, who played Bergman’s lover in Casablanca. Pacino’s two gangster icons approached their criminality differently, and Pacino gets to play in both yards.

Pacino remains on an even keel in the Godfather films, but gives a tour de force of violent expression in Scarface, which burns like white heat.

The Handling of Enemies and Vices

In Scarface, Pacino gets to be almost as over the top as he is in Dick Tracy. His accent would never make it past the modern culture board at The Simpsons, but he pulls it off in 1983 because he says so. Pacino bullies the audience into believing it. It’s that exact arrogance which makes us root for Tony Montana. We don’t want to be on his bad side. But the chilled reptilian stare of Michael Corleone is a visual representation of why Sicilians prefer their revenge served cold.

Michael is diabetic, and is usually seen drinking water in The Godfather films. Sure, he has an occasional glass or red wine, and possibly some Sambuca with his espresso, but Michael always keeps a clear head. Tony, not so much. He makes drunken scenes at his favorite nightclubs, and not only gets high on his own supply, but gets so nose deep in it he develops godlike delusions of superheroic grandeur.

Montana is impulsive, instinctive, and decisive. Tony kills his best friend Manny Ribera (Steven Bauer) immediately upon finding him with his little sister Gina (Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio). Michael waits until his sister Connie (Talia Shire) is on a plane to Tahoe before he has her husband killed in a hit years in the planning. Later Michael hangs his head silently as the shotgun blast which kills his brother, Fredo (John Cazale), echoes in the distance.

Tony, meanwhile, continues yelling at Sosa’s right-hand man long after his brains are all over the automobile’s interior.

Clothes Make the Man

Tony is written to be charismatic. Even coked out of his mind, he’d be a better fit in Vegas with Fredo’s crowd than with wet blanket Michael in Tahoe. Tony sports white suits, satin shirts, and designer sunglasses. Michael accessorizes three-piece ensembles with an ascot. This isn’t to say Michael had any issues with getting somebody’s brains splattered all over his Ivy League suit. 

Designed by Theadora Van Runkle, Michael preferred dupioni silk. That’s smart. The dark navy wool chalk-stripe suit Tony wears in his death scene was designed by Tommy Velasco and carries the class of a tuxedo. It was after 6pm. What do you think he is, a farmer?

“I’m the guy in the sky, flying high, flashing eyes. No surprise I told lies, I’m the punk from the gutter,” Roger Daltrey belts out on “The Punk and The Godfather.” This is exactly against the no-flash advice Frank Lopez (Robert Loggia) tries to impart on his young protégé in Scarface. Tony was raised not to take any advice other than his own. He also ignores his consigliere’s advice on several occasions. When Manny reminds Tony the pair of them were in a cage a year ago, the rebel gangster says he’s trying to forget that, he’s going after the boss’ girl. 

“I come from the gutter,” Montana proudly contends. “I know that. I got no education but that’s okay. I know the street, and I’m making all the right connections.” 

By contrast, Michael attended Dartmouth College and then dropped out to join the Marines after the attack on Pearl Harbor. Michael is both intelligent and well-connected, loosely modeled on Joseph Bonanno and Vito Genovese. He also accepts the wisdom of his father, who most closely resembled “The Prime Minister” of New York’s Five Families in the 1950s, mafia boss Frank Costello.

The Better Family Man

Pacino’s Don Michael Corleone has access to all his family’s connections, stretching back to the old world. He learns to expertly pull the strings of powerful men, like his father did, but as he grew, he bent. Michael is friends with senators, meets with the President of Cuba, has money in the Vatican, and confesses his sins to a Pope. Michael was insulated throughout his childhood and criminal career. If Tony gets in trouble, he has to get out of it himself, or with the help of a handful of low-level operatives.

Michael is the family rebel, risking his life and getting medals for strangers. He also gets to be both the prodigal son and the dutiful son. He gets the fatted calf and pays the piper. He even tips the baker’s helper for the effort. Michael comes back to both of his families, crime and birth, with a vengeance. He is there for his father the moment he is needed. Michael is the better family man. Tony’s mother is ashamed of him, and he completely ruins his sister’s wedding. Michael’s family means everything to him, and while he still manages to lose them, he actually maneuvers his two families well over rough waters for a very long run.  

Tony Montana is the rebel’s rebel. Even before he tosses off his bandana at the dishwasher job to make a quick score, we knew. He was born bad, in the cinematically good way. This also makes Montana a natural at crime. In The Godfather, Michael has it in his blood as a Corleone, but has his heart set on college, a straight career, and a shot to bring his whole family into the American Dream, which for Montana only exists as a wet dream.

Tony never gets past the hormonal teenage phase of his love of America. He wants to love his new country to death. He is turned on by the dream. He wants to take it. Not earn it. No foreplay necessary, as he claims his latest victim’s wife as his own.

Managerial Skills

Michael is pretty good with his underlings, when he’s not having them garroted on the way to an airport or advising them to slit their wrists in a bath. He promises Clemenza he can have his own family once the Corleones relocate to Las Vegas. He lets Joe Zaza (Joe Mantegna) get away with murder as the guy he sets up to run his old territory in The Godfather, Part III. Michael doesn’t keep turncoats like his trusted caporegime Tessio (Abe Vigoda) around for old times’ sake, and he doesn’t suffer fools at all. It may seem he cuts Tom Hayden (Robert Duvall) loose a little fast, and without warning or due cause. But if he was a wartime consigliere, he would have seen it coming.

While Tony Montana may have a competitive and fast-tracked entry program for new workers (“hey, you got a job”), he’s also the guy who shoots his right-hand man Manny for marrying his sister. Tony exacts a brutal and dangerous revenge for the death of his friend Angel Fernandez in the Miami chainsaw massacre, but doesn’t lift a finger when his cohort Omar Suarez (F. Murray Abraham) is hanged to death from a helicopter by drug lord Alejandro Sosa (Paul Shenar). Michael does have a tendency to have his soldato kiss his ring, but he’s not entirely a .95 caliber pezzonovante.

Read more

Movies

Scarface: Where Tony Montana Went Wrong

By Tony Sokol

Movies

The Godfather Coda: The Death of Michael Corleone Proves a Little Less is Infinitely More

By Tony Sokol

One of the most important skills a boss must exhibit is how to delegate, and Corleone is a minor Machiavellian master at his delegation. He whispers orders from behind closed doors. Tony is more hands-on. The only reason he tells Manny to “kill that piece of shit” Frank is because he’s already humiliated his former boss into a shell of a real man.

Montana is in the trenches with his soldiers and sets standards by example. He shoots a guy on a crowded Miami street in broad daylight. Montana is a born triggerman and only reluctantly delegates the duty. He has 10 bodyguards when Sosa men raid his mansion fortress. He takes the invading force with one little friend, an M16A1 rifle with a customized grenade launcher. But it sure doesn’t help the employees getting murdered outside.

A Handle on Finances

We don’t know what kinds of criminal activities the Corleone family were involved in between 1958 and 1979. Still, Michael had proven himself a traditionalist and a bit of a prude, so he spends most of his career shaving his take from harmless vices and avoiding drugs, which he sees as a dirty business. But through whatever means, by The Godfather, Part III, Michael has earned enough capital to buy himself out of crime.

Michael gambles successfully on Wall Street, keeps the Genco olive oil company going, and invests in hotels, casinos, and movie studios. He’s got to be pulling in a billion dollars a year in legitimate business. He makes enough to pad the coffers of the Vatican, and his share of Immobiliare stocks pulls in another $1 billion.

Tony looks like he’s earning about $15 million a month. But it doesn’t look like he puts much stock in his future. He makes no investments, only purchases. His only visible holding is the salon his sister works in. But we also have to take into account that he built his empire from scratch. Michael inherited his. And while the head of the Corleone family can blackmail a U.S. senator with a tragic sex scandal, Montana fares no better than Al Capone with tax evasion.

Who Would Win in a Mob War?

Scarface is as violent as the 1932 Howard Hawk original. Blood is a big expense, and 42 people are killed in the 1985 film. It came out amid other over-the-top action blockbusters like First Blood and the contemporary reality of the South American drug trade. So, it would seem, the film has far more violence. But they are easily matched.

The Godfather has a horse’s head, Scarface has a chainsaw. Michael’s brother Sonny (James Caan) gets machine gunned to smithereens at the toll booth, Tony blows the lower limbs off his would-be assassins at a nightclub. Omar is lynched in a chopper, the upper echelon of the mob is taken out by helicopter fire in The Godfather, Part III. Tony and Michael each get to kill a cop.

Both mob figures survive assassination attempts. Michael loses his wife Apollonia in Sicily in a car bombing meant for him. He also avoids the trap Tessio sets at the meeting with Emilio Barzini (Richard Conte), on his turf, where Michael “will be safe.” Tony lives through his initial professionally ordered hit, as well as being saved by Manny from certain death by chainsaw.

While Michael Corleone is able to take care of Barzini, Victor Stracci, Carmine Cuneo, and Phillip Tattaglia – the leadership of the five families – at the end of The Godfather, Tony Montana can only put up a good fight. The Corleone family would win in a protracted war against Montana’s cartel, but there is a possibility Tony would have outlived Michael while the battles raged. Expert swordsmen aren’t afraid to duel the best in the field, but they’re scared of the worst. 

As far as crime tactics and strategic villainy, Michael Corleone plays a game of chess. Tony Montana plays hopscotch. He wins by skipping cracks in the street, but he only rises as far as the pavement.

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[catlynhoss05]

Unexpected Circumstances: Year of Firsts Ch. 1: Month One

Pairing: Leroy Jethro Gibbs x OC!babydaughter

Summary: A case that lands in Leroy Jethro Gibbs and his teams hands hits hard for the NCIS Special Agent. The case ends up with Special Agent Gibbs making an unexpected decision that turns out to be a blessing in disguise for everyone.

     Tony, Tim and Kate were at their desks and Tony has already started pestering Tim, as he usually does. And, like always, Kate was giving Tony sass for pestering Tim. When Gibbs had rushed into the bullpen with a pissed off and distraught look on his face, the three agents went silent, stood up and immediately grabbed their gear. "Everything alright, boss?" Tony asked. "No. We got a Marine and his wife that were killed in their home thus morning. And, whoever had killed them had taken their 2 week old daughter. LET'S GO." Gibbs barked, as him and the others ran out of the office.

     Any kind of crime scene is a horrible sight for anyone to see. Also, to think that whoever had did this to a United States Marine and his wife, and then turn around and take their two week old daughter, Oaklynn; it hit Gibbs in a way that no other case could. After the team had finished up at the crime scene, Gibbs was even more on edge and short tempered than he normally is. When Gibbs had gone through Oaklynn’s nursery to see if he could find any evidence in there, he knew exactly what he needed to do for the Marine and his wife. Ever since Gibbs and the team got back to the office, he’s been snapping at everyone. That is, until McGee had found the address to where the killer, Trevor Adams, was hiding out with Oaklynn.

     When Gibbs and the team got to the location that the man should be at, Gibbs has Kate and McGee go around back while him and Tony take the front. “Trevor Adams, NCIS. Open up.” Gibbs barked out. There was no verbal response, but there was some glass that had shattered and then a baby crying. Trevor Adams decided to leave Oaklynn lying in the middle of the living room and to try to make a run for it out of the back door. “STOP. Get on the ground. NOW.” Tim ordered. Kate handcuffs the guy and her and Tim escort the man back to the squad car.

     Tony cleared the rest of the house while Gibbs took care of the baby. Oaklynn instantly calmed down when Gibbs held her against his chest. Tony had found some baby clothes, diapers, bottles and formula for the baby. Gibbs had decided what he should do with Oaklynn. In the hour of Gibbs and his team trying to straighten everything out with the police, Gibbs had immediately gotten attached to the two week old baby in his arms. After the team had gotten everything under wraps and were ready to leave, Gibbs still had Oaklynn against his chest. “What are you thinking about Gibbs?” Kate asked, stopping in front of him.

     Gibbs rubs Oaklynn’s back and smiles when she coos a little bit. “I’m thinking about adopting her. I rather not see her go into the system at two weeks old and for the reasons on why she would be going into it. I already called child services to get the adoption process started when we get back to the office.” Gibbs explained. Kate smiled wide at her boss and her heart melted. “Awe, Gibbs. Really? That’s amazing and so wonderful.” Kate gushed. “What’s amazing and so wonderful?” Tony asked as him and Tim walked up to them. “Gibbs is going to adopt this adorable baby. What’s her name again?” Kate asked. “Her name is Oaklynn Louise Matthews. Well, for now anyways.” Gibbs smiled and held Oaklynn close to his chest.

     “Really, boss? That’s awesome and very sweet. Just wait until Abby finds out that you’re adopting the baby.” Tim smiled. Gibbs had Tony drive the squad car while he sat in the back seat with Oaklynn. Tim and Kate drove back in the second squad car with the baby stuff that Tony had found in the house. Oaklynn started to get fussy when Tony had into the parking lot. “Shh.... It’s okay, Oaklynn. You must be hungry, huh? I’ll make you a bottle once we get inside, okay?” Gibbs tried to soothe, but Oaklynn wasn’t having it and started to cry.

     Once everyone was inside and in the bullpen, it was only 2 p.m. on a Thursday. Gibbs had asked Kate if she could hold the baby so he could go and make her a bottle. And, of course, Kate obviously said yes to hold her because, well, who could resist the cuteness of a 2 week old baby? However, Oaklynn was really not having it at all to where her face was all red from crying and screaming. Gibbs came back with her bottle and took her back from Kate. “Hey, it’s okay. I got your bottle right here. There you go, sweetheart.” Gibbs soothes her as she takes the bottle with ease.

     The social worker had witnessed the whole interaction between Gibbs and the baby. After Oaklynn had finished her bottle and was burped, she fell asleep with her head on Gibbs’ shoulder and her small right hand on his left ear. Gibbs chuckled as he rubbed her back. “I guess someone feels better.” He smiled at his team. Gibbs talked with the social worker and filled out the paperwork to get the adoption process started.

     After about an hour or so of Gibbs talking with the social worker, Oaklynn started to wake up and get fussy again but for a diaper change this time. Gibbs excused himself so he could go and change her diaper. He came back to where the social worker was and finished up with the paperwork. Oaklynn was wide awake and staring up at Gibbs as he held her while she sucked her thumb. “Is that thumb good? Yeah?” Gibbs chuckled. By the time Gibbs was done with the social worker, he noticed that Oaklynn had gone back to sleep. He went back to his desk with Oaklynn cuddled up to him. He cuddled with her for a little bit before going to see Ducky.

     When Gibbs got to autopsy, he took off Oaklynn’s pink and white onesie so Ducky could do a check-up. Abby came running into autopsy to see the baby at the perfect time because Oaklynn had just woke back up again. “Oh my gosh! She’s so tiny and adorable. What’s her name, Gibbs?” Abby asked, drooling over the baby. “Oaklynn Louise Gibbs.” He answered with a proud smile. Ducky had laid out Oaklynn’s baby blanket so she doesn’t have to lay on the cold autopsy table. “You can lay her down right here, Jethro.” Ducky instructs, patting the blanket. Gibbs lays Oaklynn down onto the blanket and she just stares up at Ducky while he did the check-up. She just loves to watch Ducky as he moves around.

[banditthewriter]

Billy Russo’s Soulmate

The last of my anniversary oneshots! And I got them all posted before my anniversary! Yay. Thanks so much for reading.

Trope: Being able to telepathically communicate with your soulmate

Tags are at the bottom. Let me know if you would like to be added to one of my tag lists!

*gif is mine*

Enjoy!

*****

The first thought you hear from your soulmate is “I can’t wait until I can leave here.”

You were in class yourself so you felt the same way, but his tone made you think he meant something else entirely. He sounded tired in a way no one your age should sound. 

It was too soon for you to be able to converse through thoughts yet but you sent him happy thoughts anyways. You made it a habit to think happy thoughts towards your soulmate daily.

The next clear thought that came through was “No, no, stop!”

The pure terror and anger in his voice broke your heart. You tried to push good thoughts but you still hadn’t gotten the hang of it yet. After that, you waited with a desperation you couldn’t explain to hear another thought from him. Any thought. You needed to know that he was okay.

The next time you heard his voice, he was studying for some sort of test. This time it lasted longer so as he finished reciting what sounded like chemical equations, you pushed your own thoughts towards him.

“I’m good with science. Maybe I could help?”

It was silent for a long moment so you thought you’d failed. Then you heard his voice once again.

“Can you hear me?”

You gasped in excitement.

“Yes! And you can hear me?”

This time the silence only lasted a brief second.

“Holy shit. This is real. I have a soulmate?”

Laughter bubbled up inside of you.

“You better believe it.”

------

Your soulmate’s name was Billy, but you couldn’t get his last name. The connection censored certain things out. You did find out that he lived in New York so he wasn’t too far away at least.

You also learned that he was going through college on the military’s dime. When he got a degree, he’d be a commissioned officer in the Marines. 

“Better than being a grunt,” he explained when you asked about it.

The news that your soulmate was going into the military frightened you. You just found him, you didn’t want to lose him. And while you didn’t want him to know that you were afraid for him, it was hard to keep your true feelings away from someone who could read your mind. And read it he did.

Over the course of the next few months, you try to spend as much time with Billy in your thoughts as you can. It’s not always easy, sometimes the connection isn’t clear or concise, but you reach out to him daily. 

After his graduation, which you were so proud of, he packed a bag and went to the base. So went the next year or so with his training. You were with him every step of the way once more, listening to him complain about the pain in his body and the stresses of the different classes and courses he has to take. You’re there as he goes through what was called SERE training, something that you thought was closer to torture than training.

You’re able to ignore the fact that your soulmate will end up going to war for the most part, but then you hear the words that strike you in your chest.

“I deploy in a few weeks.”

Deployment. He would deploy in a few weeks. He couldn’t tell you exactly where he was deploying, but you doubted it would be somewhere boring and safe. It would be somewhere dangerous.

You walked from your last class of the day to your car with the plan to go back to your apartment and crash for the weekend. There would be plenty of time for you to worry about what would happen to Billy when he deployed but he’d told you that he had a surprise for you.

You couldn’t imagine what surprise that would be, but you just couldn’t wait to spend time with him in your thoughts.

With your hand on the door handle of your car, you paused as you heard your name in a familiar voice. And then you heard it again, but it wasn’t in your head.

Billy. You spun around to look. There were a few people nearby but none of them were even looking at you. Wait, not none of them. There was one…

A man with a close shaved head was nearby, his hands at his sides. He was easily the most attractive man you’d ever seen and he was staring right at you. 

The moment your eyes met, the man smiled.

“Billy?” You thought it to your soulmate and held your breath. 

When he gave a nod, you dropped your bag beside your car and ran across the parking lot. Arms went around your waist and you were twirled around, your face buried in his neck. 

Your soulmate. He was in your arms. It was your soulmate. Finally.

It was a long weekend of the two of you wrapped up on your couch. Now that you were together, somehow, neither of you wanted to be apart. He spent the night in your bed, but there wasn’t anything sexual about.

Well, almost nothing sexual. 

There was a lot of kissing. The first kiss has been after he stopped hugging you when you met, a brief brush of the lips. Then, when you got him to your apartment, he grabbed you before you even put down your bag and gave you a kiss that you felt all the way down to your toes.

Every time the kissing got too heated, he’d pull back and press his forehead to yours.

“I don’t want it to be like this, rushed and desperate. I want it to be perfect,” he breathed as he pulled you into his chest. “When I come back from deployment, all bets are off.”

------

The deployment was hard, but you read forums that were dedicated to the soulmates of soldiers to help handle the distance and worry. It helped you cope, but there was still that persistent pain in your chest as you worried when you didn’t hear from Billy in a few days.

He always came back. Sometimes you could tell it was accidental, a brief touch of his mind during a firefight or during a briefing when he should be paying attention to his superiors. It was as if his mind couldn’t help but reach out for you in those times.

You fell back onto the habits you had picked up when you first heard his voice in your head. You sent happy thoughts and calming vibes to your soulmate as you possibly could.

You sent all of the love you held.

The danger never seemed to cease. Sometimes the two of you would be conversing and you’d get a flash from his mind of defensive maneuvers, half of an image of the gun he held in his hands as he fought off the enemy.

You were also there for the end of his deployment, sixteen months later. When you found him on your doorstep, his thoughts never once betraying the fact that he was back stateside, you cried into his shoulder as you held him tight. 

That night the two of you were truly together for the first time, your minds and bodies entwined. In that moment you knew that you would be there for your soulmate in any way you could.

------

Events transpired after that. You graduated from college with Billy and your family in the stands. He went on another deployment. You moved to New York. He came home to you. You started a job with a museum. He went on another deployment. You waited for him to come home.

The years stretched on like the hands of a clock, ticking through with the two of you only passing by each other every now and then. Every time he was stateside, he was with you as much as possible. When he was gone, he stayed connected with you so that you wouldn’t worry.

One of his times home, he introduced you to the man he called his friend and brother. Frank Castle was a large man who could definitely be intimidating, but you saw him holding his daughter and laughing with his wife Maria and were at ease with him.

They weren’t just friends; they were family. On the next deployment, you spent more time with Maria and the kids than you had with the guys at home. The two of you formed your own support group and became best friends in your own right.

“I’m coming home,” a voice called to you one night while you were getting into bed.

“Soon?”

“Permanently.”

Your heart raced in your chest and you swallowed thickly.

“Did something happen?”

You felt his emotions in that moment. Anger, fear, frustration, determination. Love.

“I’m done with the Marines. I’m getting out. I’m coming home.”

Of course Billy had told you a hundred times that he wasn’t a lifer, that the Marines was just another chapter in his life, but you had never thought about a life after his service. And it looked like that time was coming.

You couldn’t wait.

------

Anvil. The company that Billy had started had flourished quickly, even though the two of your struggled with the start up. He had his contacts from his service that helped. And the number of recruits he had to begin with told you that Billy had made the right decision.

Military people needed hope after their service was done. Anvil was the way they got that.

You were with him every step of the way, just as you had promised. You helped him with the company in the ways you could. Frank was there too, although he hadn’t left the service yet. Maria told you it was only a matter of time, but not yet.

The life the two of you were building made you ridiculously happy and you loved every moment of it.

Except the day that you caught the tail-end of a conversation between him and a woman from the government. The woman was very obviously flirting with him and while Billy wasn’t encouraging it, he wasn’t dissuading it either.

In the years you’d known Billy, you’d never felt threatened. You were his soulmate, his other half. But seeing it first hand was something different.

You trusted Billy, so why were you so upset?

That’s what he asked when you confronted him about it.

“If you trust me, why does it matter that she was flirting? It’s just business.”

Just business. You tried not to imagine what your future would look like under that decree. Every woman who met Billy was allowed to flirt just because it was business? Except maybe he’d find someone who could give him things you couldn’t. These contacts were either military or government so they’d have experiences you could only dream of. He’d have things in common with them.

That night you stayed with Maria and Frank, the pillow wet with tears. You wished you could pretend it didn’t bother you, but there was a hole in the pit of your stomach.

As you finally started to drift off, you felt a brush against your mind. It wasn’t him trying to contact you as much as it was him reassuring himself that you were still there.

The next morning, you met him back at the apartment the two of you shared. He had slept on the couch, apparent by the pillow and blanket placed neatly on one of the cushions. The moment you were inside, he was in front of you with his hands on your face to pull you into a kiss.

“I won’t let it happen again,” he promised between kisses, his body close as he held onto you. “I’ll do whatever it takes. I know you trust me but I gotta deserve that trust. Nothing is more important to me than you, not Anvil, not anything. Just don’t leave me, please.”

You held on to him tight, your face buried in his neck. It reminded you of the first time you had met him.

“You’re the voice inside my head, even without this soulmate bond,” you said as you pulled back to meet his eyes. “I’m always going to be by your side Billy. Always.”

X

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[chickensarentcheap]

Best Part of Me -Chapter 71

Warning: profanity

Tagging: @innerpaperexpertcloud​, @c-a-v-a-l-r-y​, @alievans007​

“We need to talk.”

It’s the easiest way to transition into it that he could come up with. After the meeting with Anil, he’d stalled as long as he possibly could. Spending the remaining hours of the day keeping the news secret while working himself to a state of sheer mental exhaustion attempting to come up with the best possible way to tell her.  Plastering a smile on his face and adopting an easy going attitude -both fake-  while both doting on and spoiling his pregnant wife AND spending time with the kids; easily submitting to every request and demand while simultaneously showing them with affection.  

The moment he’d seen the photos of Neysa and Aarav, he’d known his fate was sealed; he’d be going to Dhaka and there was a damn good chance he wouldn’t be coming back. Too many ghosts there; too many painful memories. The cards already stacked against him before he even steps foot in Bangladesh; an enormous bounty on his head, his face and name plastered everywhere and readily available to everyone from normal citizens to the police to the military. It will make navigating the streets extremely difficult. His side and build alone will attract considerable attention AND suspicion, and if he needs to talk to some of the locals, they won’t have a hard time recognizing his tattoos or pinpointing his accent.

Seven years ago he’d been the one initially in the background; simply there to protect the person entrusted with getting the information needed before it was time for his part of the job to begin.  And even if he is successful in both getting around Dhaka without being spotted AND getting the three safely out, the chances of surviving himself -even with backup- are slim. Once the shooting starts, the place will become a war zone; regular citizens, the cops, the military. It won’t take long for them to assemble, and no matter how quick and quiet the actual extraction is, getting himself the fuck out will become the biggest hurdle. The end is often the hardest push; when you’re exhausted and hurting and mere minutes...mere feet...from freedom.  That’s when you tend to let your guard down; thinking you’re in the clear and you’re finally starting to catch your breath and the adrenaline is beginning to wane.  He’d made that mistake in Dhaka the first time around; believing he’d taken out the last of his targets and that situation was no longer ‘hot’ or ‘hostile’. Until Farhad had shot him from behind and put one in his neck. It's the worst mistake he’s ever made on the job; turning his back and thinking he was in the free and clear. It was a huge fuck up; completely uncharacteristic on his part. And he’s determined not to screw up that badly again.

This isn’t the way he wanted to spend his night; telling her about Dhaka and his decision to go there. But despite his best efforts it’s been eating away at him; struggling to keep that smile on his face and his nerves and emotions under control for the sake of his wife and kids. There’s so much going on inside of his brain that’s hard to prioritize just what to feel; which one the emotional should be first and foremost. Pure and utter rage directed at Mahajan for ever getting OVi -and in turn, everyone around him- involved in such bullshit in the first place.  Frustration at having to take so much time off to recuperate; unable to help get things handled sooner. Fear and worry not only for himself, but that he’ll have to once again be away from his family and rely on others to keep them safe. So much torturing an already battered and weary brain that he feels as if he’s struggling to hold on to his last threads of sanity.

“Uh-oh,” Esme frowns, as she raises her head from his chest and looks at him.

It’s a beautiful night; no humidity and a cool breeze blowing through, no sounds but the rippling of fountains in the ponds below and the chirping of crickets. After all the kids had settled, they’d retreated to the balcony off their bedroom; lying together on the two person lounge chair, both of his arms wrapped securely around her and her head resting against him. Neither of them speaking; her body completely relaxed against his and her eyes closed; his wide open and staring up at the night sky while his brain continues its torture.

“I don’t like the sound of that,” she says. “Nothing good  ever comes after ‘we need to talk’. I should know; I use it all the time. Nothing about us, right?”

“What?” Tyler gives a small, incredulous chuckle and then combs a hand through her hair; palm settling against the back of her head. “Of course not. We’re good. We’re more than good.”

“I saw your face; after you talked to Anil. I knew something was up right away. But I also knew you weren’t ready to say anything. That’s why you threw yourself into doing things with the kids and waiting on me hand and foot. You were totally stalling.”

He nods.

“It must not be good news then. For you not to say anything right away.”

“It’s pretty bad, actually.”

“Okay…” she rolls over onto her stomach and rests her chin on his chest. “...just how bad are we talking? Are you talking normal bad, pretty bad, or pretty fucking bad?”

“Pretty fucking bad,” he says, as he pushes her bangs off her forehead and tucks hair behind her ears. “In all capital letters.”

“They need you back out there, don’t they.”

“Yeah. They do.”

“I can’t say I’m surprised. It was bound to happen. I’m actually more shocked it didn’t happen sooner. I guess I should just be happy that we got as much time as we did. I was only expecting a couple days and I got over a week. That’s pretty damn good actually; a lot better than the times you go away and you don’t come home for almost a month.”

“I said I’d stay. That I wouldn’t leave you and the kids here alone.”

“We’re not exactly alone. And while I would prefer you here and not out there getting shot at and God knows  what else, at least it isn’t just the kids and I trying to fend for ourselves. Things aren’t going well out there, are they. They’re not doing so good on the list?”

“Anil says they’re down to two names. That’s a lot quicker than I thought things would go.”

“So why do they need you then? If they’ve handled everyone else on it so far, what makes the last two so difficult?”

“It actually has nothing to do with the list. I wish it did though.”

“Oh God,” Esme groans, and glides her knuckles along his jaw, beard rough against the skin. “I don’t like that look on your face. What’s happened? What’s going on?”

“They got to Neysa and Aarav. Mahajan’s people.”

Her eyes widen in panic. “They’re not…”

“No. They’re not dead. But if things keep going the way they are, they’ll wish they were.”

“You saw them? How? A video? Pictures?”

“Both. Pictures were taken three days ago. Video was this morning.”

“How do they look? How bad are they? How…?”

He keeps his emotions under control by continuously sliding his fingers through her hair; marvelling at the way moonlight causes it to shimmer and just how soft it is to the touch. “They’re pretty banged up.  But they look more scared than anything.”

“I know I would be.  That used to be my worst nightmare when I did what I did. That someone would catch on to me and grab me and take me somewhere to teach me a lesson. Did they make any demands? What do they want? What…?”

“There’s more to it.”

“It gets worse? How much worse could it possibly get?”

“They’ve got Nathan too. He’s pretty fucked up. Was putting up a good fight though, I’ll give him that.”

Esme scowls. “That doesn’t make any sense. He’s been gone for a week and a half and they’re just letting you guys know they have him? Doesn’t that seem a bit strange to you? That they’ve had him all this time yet they didn’t reach out? You’ve been in the game a hell of a long time. Think of all the things you’ve seen and heard. Don’t they usually reach out before this?”

“Usually,” Tyler admits. “Why? What are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking it’s weird. That all of a sudden he just shows up.  Just as quick as he left. And how convenient is it that they have him? It’s been a week and a half and there hasn’t been a single peep from them all that time? How bad did he look?”

“Pretty beaten up.”

“Was he missing any body parts? Did he  look like he could walk on his own? Did it look like they’ve been starving him?”

“He looked like Nathan. Just a fucked up version of him. Like he caught a beating but nothing too major. You think it’s faked?”

“It’s happened before. It’s how you got sucked into the whole McMann thing. Those pictures of his wife and his kids. Would it honestly surprise you if Mahajan sunk to that level?  If Nathan IS the mole, is it too far of a reach to think he’s in on it and making it look as good as he can?”

“He did drop my name. First and last. Told them I’d be the one who’d come and get him.”

“Sounds like he’s trying to lure you there,” Esme concludes. “I don’t trust him, Tyler. Not after everything you’ve told me.”

“The files you got from the Marines didn’t show anything out of the ordinary.”

“Doesn’t mean there isn’t, though. Just means he wasn’t caught. You don’t trust him, do you? You can’t honestly tell me you believe him.”

“I saw it. The video. Seemed legit.”

“So did April McMann in her video. We need more proof. That it IS Nathan. Because we find out it IS him, we can just leave him there to rot.”

“Can’t leave Neysa and Aarav . Gotta get them out somehow.”

“You mean someone has to get them out,” she corrects. “Because I know you’re not talking about yourself.”

His fingers continue to move through her hair; pushing it away from the sides of her face and over her shoulders, palm sliding slowly along  the back of her neck and down to the middle of her back.

“I know you’re not talking about yourself,” Esme says. “There’s no way you are. Because you are not ready for that kind of thing. Not in the slightest.”

“I’m almost at ninety percent.”

“Since fucking when? This morning you said it was seventy five. You just skipped ahead another fifteen just like that?”

Tyler sighs. “Baby…”

“No. Don’t you dare. Don’t you ‘baby’ me. You ARE talking about yourself. When it comes to getting them out. You weren’t talking in general.  You actually meant you. As in you have to do it.”

He nods.

“An extraction. They want you to do an extraction.”

“I’ve done hundreds of them. You know that.”

“You don’t have to do this one. Tell them no. Tell them you’re not doing it; that you’re not ready for that. Because you’re not. And you’re lying if you say you are.”

“I’m in a lot better shape right now than I was seven years ago for Ovi’s extraction,” Tyler argues.

“That’s bullshit and you know it. Yeah, you had your issues back then. Most of them caused by booze and those stupid goddamn pain meds. But you were in damn good shape. A week and a half ago, someone drugged you. They were going to take you God knows where and do God knows what to you. Your back is messed up, your knee is fucked, and your shoulder is even worse. And you’re lying to yourself if you say those things are better now.”

“I’m almost back to where I am.”  

“No. You’re not. You’re nowhere near it. So you’re going to tell Anil you’re not doing this. That you’re going to stay here with your family. Where you're safe. Because you’re not safe out there. Even in the best shape you wouldn’t be. Tell them, Tyler. Tell them to get someone else.”

“There IS no one else,” he argues. “Who do I have...besides Nathan...that’s done an extraction? We were holding off on hiring more experienced guys until this was over, remember? That’s what we agreed on. That once things were done and settled, we’d bring more people on. And now Nathan’s caught up in this and I have no one else. There’s only me.”

“Then tell Nik to get one of her people. One of her experienced guys.”

“She doesn’t want to bring anyone else in. It's a big enough mess as it is.”

“Anil must have someone.”

“They took out seven of Anil’s best guys. And they do bodyguard work; that’s it. He went into business with us so we could supply him with mercs. So he doesn’t have to train his people to do this kind of shit.  There is no one else.”

“There HAS to be. There can’t be just you. There has to be someone else.”

“Esme…” His voice is firm as he takes her face in his hands. “...there’s not.”

“And let me guess; you already told Anil you’d do it. You already made up your mind. I don’t really get a say in all of this, do I.”

“I can’t leave them there. I can’t. And I know you wouldn’t want me to. She’s your friend.”

“She is,” Esme agrees. “But you’re my husband and that makes you a little more important to me. And I know you’re not ready for this. I see the pain you’re in; I see it every second of every day. And it was bad enough before all of this. I do NOT want you doing this.”

“I have to.” He presses her lips against her forehead. “I have to. I can’t leave them there. I owe it to Saju to get them out. After what he did? Giving up his life to protect you? And Ovi? I have to do this.”

“Unreal. You are fucking unreal, you know that?” She shoves his hands away from her face, then angrily yanks the sides of the hoodie around her body as she sits up. “I love you, but sometimes I don’t fucking understand you. Why would you go back out there? Why wouldn’t you just stay here with me and the kids?  Why are you so hell bent  on going back onto the street and getting killed? Don’t fucking be who you were seven years ago. Because lots of people rely on you to be okay. Don’t be a selfish prick, Tyler!”

“You mean the selfish prick I was seven years ago when I didn’t tell you to fuck off in Dhaka? That selfish prick? The one that fucked you and still kept you around even though he should have sent you away? The one that dragged you into this life? Who helped bring kids into it? THAT selfish prick?”

“Don’t you even start with that shit! That is way off base and you know it. You didn’t force me to stick around. You didn’t hold a gun to my head so I’d marry you and give you children. So don’t even start with that.”

“I didn’t exactly stop any of those things from happening, did I.”

“Because there was nothing wrong with what we were doing! We both knew what we were getting into. I could have said no in Dhaka, but I didn’t. Because I wanted it to happen. I wanted you. In the same way I wanted to marry you and have a family with you.  It is NOT the same thing.”

He snags her by the back of the sweater when she attempts to stand. “Where are you going? We’re not fucking finished. We’re talking about this.”

“What’s there to talk about? You made up your mind. You’re going. You said you’d go, then go. Pack your shit and leave. If Neysa and Aarav are more important to you than your own family…”

“How can you fucking say that? Nothing is more important to me than you and my kids. Don’t stoop that low.”

She tries to wiggle out of the hoodie in order to free herself, then heaves a loud, angry sigh when he wraps an arm around her waist to keep her in place. “We should have talked about this. You should have come to me first.  Not just go ahead and tell Anil you’d do this!”

“That’s what you’re pissed about? That I didn’t talk to you about it first? I don’t need your goddamn permission.

“It’s not about needing my permission. It’s about respecting me enough to let me know ahead of time you’re sending yourself out on a suicide mission. And talking about needing permission? Oh that’s rich, Tyler. Who’s the one that always needs it from you? I can’t even volunteer at the school or go to a moms social group or have friends because you don’t want me to. Yet you can’t talk to me about this?”

“When have I ever told you that you need my permission to do anything? It’s not about not wanting you to do things or talk to people, it’s about wanting to keep you safe.”

“Because you’re paranoid as fuck that there’s always someone out there wanting to kill me!”

“Well right now there are people who want to kill you. So can we not fight about this?”

“Leave me alone,” she orders, and tries to use her elbows to push him away. “Let go of me.”

“No.” Tyler tightens his hold on her, then sits up. “You’re not going anywhere. We’re going to talk about this.”

“There’s nothing to talk about!” Esme insists. “You already decided. You’re going. So go.”

He curls his other her waist and then slides behind her; a leg on either side of her body, chest pressed against her back. “Don’t talk like that.”  He presses a kiss to her temple, then her ear and her cheek.   “You don’t want me going.”

“That’s EXACTLY it! I DON’T want you going. I want you to stay here. Would you stop?” She huffs dramatically and once more attempts to squirm away from him. “Leave me alone! Don’t be so kissy and touchy feely and shit. I’m mad at you!”

“You never stay mad at me for very long.”

“I can hold a grudge for a very long time, thank you very much. So don’t test your luck, buddy. I love you, but I could shake the ever loving shit out of you right now. I don’t understand why you would agree! I get that you feel some kind of responsibility because  you brought Saju into things in Dhaka and look how that ended. But there are other people who can do extractions. Are you suddenly the only experienced merc on earth?”

“No. But I’m the best. And I’m the only one with experience at Anil’s disposal. And I know I said I’d stay here, but I also told you that I gave Anil mu word that I’d go back out if I was needed. And now I’m needed.”

“You’re needed here too,” Esme reminds him. “Or did you forget that?”

“The kids will be fine. They’ll be safe here. They’ve got Nik and Anil’s people watching over them. They’ve got all those nannies and they’ve got Uncle Kyle. Ovi’s even going to come and stay and give them another familiar face.”

“I notice you didn’t mention. Where am I going to be?”

He presses a kiss to her cheek. “With me.”

****

“Oh what a damn second!” She uses her elbow to push him back. “You’re deciding THAT now too? That I’m going with you and getting involved in this?”

“Well technically you are involved in this.”

“Fuck your ‘technically’. I’m not in the game anymore, remember? I’m just the supportive wife. And I’m not feeling very  supportive towards you right now. Why the hell would I get mixed up in this?”

“I might need your help.”

“How could I possibly help you? Moral boosting blowjobs? I don’t think so.”

“I might need an intel person. If Anil can’t find out what I need…”

“Then get one from him. Or Nik. I assume they both have intel people.”

“I don’t want just any person. I want someone I can trust. And I trust you.”

She frowns. “You really need to broaden your circle of trust, you know that?”

“It’ll be two or three days. Tops.”

“Did you suddenly forget we have children?”

“There’s a nanny for each one. And two extra.”

“I’m their mother!” Esme argues. “Addie isn’t even three months old yet!”

“Three days tops,” Tyler insists. “They’ll be fine. There’s tons of people here to take care of them.”

“You’re insane. I’m pregnant, remember? And you want me out there on the street? Are you serious right now?”

“I just need you to do some intel. It’s not you people will recognize. It’s not your face that’s plastered everywhere. Not yet, anyway.”

“You are not helping your cause.”

“You’re smart. You’re tenacious. You’re strong. And I trust you. I need you.”

“I may be all those things, but I also have a human being inside of me. That YOU put there. Yet you want me out there? Tyler…”

“You’ll be fine. You can do this. You won’t be alone. I’ll always be watching your back. You know I will.”

“This is insane!”

“Baby, I need your help.  And I know I said I’d never ask for it again…”

“You’re right. That’s exactly what you said.”

“But I trust you, With my life. More than I trust anyone else.”

Esme sighs heavily, body finally relaxing against his. “Before I agree to anything, I need to know where we’re going.”

“That’s where it gets a little complicated,” Tyler admits.

“Oh fuck. Of course it does. Why do I even ask? Where is it?”

“Dhaka.”

“Are you out of your fucking mind!” She uses both elbows to shove him onto his back, then springs to her feet. “Tell me you’re out of your fucking mind. That you’ve finally lost it. Because that is the only thing that can explain this. Tell you’ve actually snapped and gone insane and that’s why you’re doing this.”

“Esme…” he sits up and reaches for her, fingertips brushing against the backs of her thigh before she steps away; backing her into the balcony railing. “Esme…”

“You can’t be serious! Dhaka? You want ME to go to Dhaka? Of all goddamn places! You know the last seven years have been like. How screwed up I am because of that place and what happened there. Yet you want me to willingly go back. Are you fucking crazy?”

“I can’t help where they’re being held.”

“No. You can’t. But you can say  no to going there. And not expect me to go there.”

“It has to be me. I’m the only one who can  get them out. I can’t help where they’re being held.”

“I am not okay with going there. And I’m definitely not okay with you going there. Did you forget you have PTSD from that place? From what happened on the bridge? Because I can’t forget that. I can’t forget what happened and I certainly can’t forget what it did to you.”

Tyler slides forward on the lounge chair, perching on the edge as he lays his hands on her hips. “I need your help.”

“I can’t go there. I can’t. Because I will lose my goddamn mind if I do. Because all I’ll be able to think about is what happened seven years ago. All I’ll be able to think about is what happened in the woods and what happened at Gaspar’s and what happened on the bridge. I can't do that to myself. Why would YOU do it to me?”

“I’ll be with you. You’re not going alone. I’ll be there and I’ll have your back; nothing’s going to happen to you. I need your help, Esme. And I wish I didn’t. Or at the very least, I wish I trusted someone else. But I don’t. I trust YOU. And I want you to do this. I NEED you to do this.”

“I can’t!” she cries. “I can’t go there. I can’t, Tyler. It’s too hard. I’m still dealing with left over shit from seven years ago. But you want me just to walk back in there like it’s no big deal? You don’t realize how bad that place would fuck me up? Even worse than I already am?”

“I’ll be there with you. We’ll be together. I won’t let anything happen to you. You trust me?”

“You know I do. But this isn’t about whether I trust you or not. This about being able to mentally survive that place. What if I get there and totally lose it?”

“You won’t.”

“What if I end up back on that bridge? I WON’T get past that. I will not be able to cope with that.”

“I’ll be there with you,” Tyler stresses. “I’ll get you through it.”

“Oh that seems fitting, doesn’t it? You having to get me out of Dhaka and off the bridge a second time. I don’t want to go there. And I definitely don’t want you going there. You almost died there!”

“You don’t think I know that? I’m the one who got shot in the fucking neck.”

“I almost lost you to that place once. I don’t want the second time to be successful. And what if something happens to both of us?”

“Nothing like that is going to happen.”

“If something or someone takes both of us out, our kids are left with no one. No mom, no dad. Then what? What happens to them? They go into the fucking system? They end up separated and in foster homes?”

“Kyle will take them. We agreed on this; it’s all in writing, in a legal document. But nothing is going to happen. To either of us. It’s an easy in and out.”

“Isn’t that exactly what you said about Dhaka last time? You were pretty sure that was going to be easy, too. And it was   fucked up and it was scary and I do not want to go through that again. If something happens to you….”

He tightly squeezes the backs of her thighs. “Nothing is going to happen to me. We’’ll go, you’ll get the info I need, I’ll get shit, we’ll get the fuck out. That’s it.”

“This is nuts.” She lifts the bottom of her t-shirt to her face, wiping the tears from her cheeks onto the gray fabric. “Going there is nuts.”

“Believe me, baby. It’s the last place I want to go. But that’s where they are.”

“You know they’re baiting you, right? That they’re baiting you into going there? Why else would they be in Dhaka? There’s no other reason. Other than to fuck with your head.  They’re hoping it will mess with you and you’ll make a mistake and that way they can catch you off guard and kill you. You realize that, right?”

“I do. But I’m not going to make a mistake. No mistakes this time.”

“I don’t even understand how they ended up there. Why would Mahajan take the risk of sending his people into Asif’s territory? He’s not stupid; he knows that would kick up a whole lot of trouble.  Asif might be dead, but there’s people keeping him very much alive.”

“He didn’t send his own people,” Tyler explains. “He’s using Asif’s people.”

“They’re working together?”

“Putting their issues for a common cause, I guess.”

“Oh my God.” She runs both hands down her face. “This is insane. This is pure fucking insanity. And we’re going to walk right into it?”

Tyler nods.

“How? You just said your name and your face are out there. That they’re coming knowledge. How…?”

“There’s always a way. All I need to do at first is get from the airport to the hotel. That’s it.”

“And then send me out into the street to get what you need.”

“I don’t even know if I WILL need you. But if Anil doesn’t come through…”

“So who is going to be watching my ass?”

“I will.”

“How? If you can’t get out on the street…”

“I will find a way. You have to trust me.”

“I DO trust you, Tyler. But this is messed up. Going back there? We’re asking for trouble.”

“Trouble is already here.  It found Neysa and Aarav. And unless we do something about it on both ends, it’s going to find you and the kids and I will a put a bullet in my fucking brain if anything happens to you or them. Anil ends Mahajan, we take care of shit in Dhaka. End it all once and for good. No more fucking around.”

“It’s not that easy!” Esme argues. “It never is! So we go to Dhaka and I find out where they are and you go in and get them and get out. You’re forgetting about all the steps in between. All the people that will be there to stop you from getting them out.”

“They won’t even know I’m coming. Catch them by surprise.”

“And if there’s twenty of them? Thirty of them? Forty? You’re good. You’re damn good. But you’re not THAT good.”

“I won’t be going in alone,” he assures her. “I’ll have back up. Koen and Rata and a couple of Nik’s people. It’s not like I’m going in by myself. People inside with me, people outside. All the bases covered.”

“This isn’t going to be another incident like a week and a half ago, is it? Where you think you’re going to have back up and find out  the hard way you don’t?”

“I completely trust these guys.  You really think Koen will drop the ball? He’s probably more protective of me than you are. I’ll be okay. I know these guys know what they’re doing.”

“I wish I had as much confidence in them as you do.”

“You trusted Koen enough  to get him to babysit me,” Tyler points out.

“It wasn’t babysitting. I wanted him to keep an eye on you. Because you’ve been struggling. In a lot of ways. And I didn’t want this whole thing breaking you. Breaking US.”

“Do you think it is? Breaking us?”

“Do you?”

“Honestly? The ‘us’ that existed even a couple of years ago? That ‘us’ wouldn’t have survived this. One of us would have walked away by now. Probably you.”

“Would have you let me? Walk away?”

“I would have fought like hell to get you to stay. I learned my lesson the first time. And I fucking hate myself that I was that weak and that much of a fucking coward back then.   But now? I’d stop at nothing to get you back now. So yeah; two years ago I would have fought. But probably not as hard I am willing to fight now.”

“Is it weird that I actually this crap has made us stronger?  I felt it when you first got here. That night we were lying in bed and you were holding me and we were talking and there was something so different between us. Something suddenly seemed so amazing and so right. More than it ever has before. It was like overnight we changed. Like we became what we’ve been fighting to be for seven years. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah,” his hands tighten on her hips and he pulls her into him, allowing her to stand between his splayed thighs. “Makes sense.”

She pushes both hands through his hair, fingers locking together at the nape of his neck. “You have to promise me something, Tyler.”

“Anything.”

“If something happens to me, in Dhaka…”

“We’re not having this conversation,” he interjects. “We’re not. We’re not talking about this. This is the last thing I want to talk about.”

“If something happens to me, you have to promise me that you’ll hold it together for the kids. OUR kids. Because they’ll need you more than ever.”

“Nothing is going to happen to you. Why…?”

“You can’t go back to drinking, you can’t go back to the meds. No matter how bad it seems or how horrible the grief is.  You can’t go back to those things. Because you will lose the kids. You will lose the last tie to me and you will not survive that.”

“I won’t survive if something happens to you. You know I won’t. And I don’t give a shit if that makes me sound weak or pathetic. It’s the fucking truth.”

“And then our kids would be left without mom or dad. You’d survive. For them. And you have to promise me you will. That if something happens to me…”

“Stop it,” he snarls. “Just fucking stop it!”

“Promise me you won’t let the kids down. That you won’t fall back into bad habits. That you’ll hold it together for them. You’re all they would have left. And I need you to be there for them. Promise me, Tyler. Promise me.”

“I promise you. I’ll keep it together. For them.”

Giving a small, sad smile, she presses a slow, soft kiss to his lips. “I love you. I’ve always loved you. I always WILL  love you. You need to remember that, okay?”

“I will,” his voice cracks with me. “And I love you. So much. And we’re going to get out of this. Both of us.  I promise.”

“I don’t know if that’s a promise you can keep.”

“I’ll get us out of there,” he vows. “No matter what it takes. I’ll get us out of Dhaka.”

[drbibliophile]

Nanowrimo 2020 Day 14

Word count:  26171/50000

Woo hoo!  More than halfway through and about 3000 words today.  Now it is late and I really should just go to sleep.  A longer excerpt for those who want to read where Trevelyan probably reveals a lot more in regards to his feelings around Jocelyn than he meant to.  Wexton is Trevelyan, our favorite hero.  Aerilon is his friend, Daniel.  Martin is the duke of Verilain and Xavier is the duke of Savone.  They are older by at least 15 years than Trevelyan and Daniel.  Henry is the king.  

The other men sounded agreement.  Xavier glanced at Henry who shook his head.  He shifted attention to Trevelyan.  “So, Wexton, when you are going to wed?”  

He shrugged.  “When I do.”  

Xavier shook his head.  “Come, come.  That won’t do.  There’s got to be someone in the court that interests you.”  

Martin grinned.  “Don’t you know?”  

“That’s Maggie’s sphere, not mine, and she hasn’t mentioned that you have a choice, Wexton.”  He stopped.  “Assuming that there is one worth the bother.”  

Trevelyan frowned in confusion.  “Meaning?”  

“Meaning if you’re going to marry, marry someone worthwhile, that makes your life easier and doesn’t waste away your time or energy on ridiculousness.  You need someone you can take on campaign or leave to defend your castle.  Doing otherwise is pure foolishness.”  

“Well, then I’m afraid that Wexton is doomed to foolishness,” Martin noted.  “He’s intent on the Lady Miranda.”  

“Miranda?”  Xavier frowned.  “Which one is she?”  

“The pretty buxom one with the whiskey eyes and the gold and brown hair,” Martin identified.  No recognition lit in Xavier’s eyes.  

“My cousin,” Daniel added. 

That did it.  “Her?”  Xavier’s face clouded before he shook his head.  “Not a good choice, Wexton.”  

Trevelyan was going to protest that he hadn’t formally chosen Miranda, just shown some interest.  Now, though, he needed to defend his choice.  “Why not?”  

“Not a good campaigner, that one.  She’s for the court.”  

“So she has diplomatic skill.”  

Xavier snorted.  “Don’t mistake the ability to smile while they twist the dagger in your back as a sign of diplomatic skill.  It’s more deceit than anything else.”  

“Deceit?”  Martin protested.  “I’d say it would be a good use of one’s charm and situation.”  

“Like I said, deceit.”  He shuddered.  “Good thing Maggie had no desire for a courtly life.”  

“She did until you seduced her away from it,” Martin countered.  

“Who told you that piece of nonsense?”  

“Bella.”  Martin looked triumphant.  

Xavier frowned.  “Well, Bella was for the court as well until you took her away.”  

Marin nodded.  “That I did.  Single best decision of my life.”  He looked at Daniel.  “How did you get Rebecca away?”  

“A better question is how did Rebecca rescue me from court for which I am eternally grateful.”  

Henry studied his dukes.  “You three have cast some fairly unsavory aspersions on my court.”  

Martin and Xavier looked at each other then at Daniel and Trevelyan.  The other two dukes shrugged.  Xavier sighed.  “We’re all warriors and campaigners, Your Majesty.  It’s our nature to prefer a straight up fight than one cloaked in insinuations and innuendos.”  

Henry nodded.  “Because your maneuvers against the Terygon were completely transparent.”  

Xavier frowned.  “That was different.”  

“Not that different.  Both require a use of strategy and a disguise of intentions, but the weapons are words instead of swords”  He took a drink from his goblet.  “However, we will concede that it is not a battle for everyone which is fortunate that your wife is a good campaigner in court.”  

Xavier frowned harder before it soothed away.  “Aye, well, Maggie’s wit is a potent weapon, that I will grant, and one I’m glad to not have used against me.”  

“That is truth.”  Henry glanced at Trevelyan.  “For all of Savone complaining, your fellow duke does make a good point, Wexton.”  

“Which is?”  

“Find yourself a wife that is suited to your life and will make it easier.  We grant that the Lady Miranda is beautiful and a good dowry, but she’s for the court.  Always has been.  Taking her away from it would not be wise.”  

“Perhaps I wouldn’t need to.”  

Henry shot him an incredulous look.  “No, Wexton.  The court is not for you.”  

“And yet you’d have me choose someone from the court as a wife.”  He didn’t want to complain, but their requirements weren’t tenable.  

“There are those who are more amenable to a warrior’s life than not,” Henry said dryly.  

“Like who?”  

“What do you think, Savone?”  

Xavier shrugged.  “Forgive me, Your Majesty, but as I have noted, that is far more Maggie’s sphere than mine.”  

“Your favored excuse,” Daniel said lightly.  

“Because it is true.”  

“Then whom would you choose, Aerilon?”  

Daniel shrugged.  “I am not in the business of matchmaking, Your Majesty.  That is more Rebecca’s realm.”  

Henry snorted.  “Verilain.  You must have someone.”  

Martin sighed.  “Only because Bella keeps me appraised of what is going on.”  He rubbed his chin in thought.  “What about one of Montrose’s brood?  They’d be used to the campaign trail.”  

“But then Wexton would have Montrose as a father in law and that would be a poor thing to wish on anyone,” Xavier said.  

“Aye, there’s truth to that.”  Martin leaned back in his chair.  “Haverlain’s eldest?”  

Trevelyan shook his head.  “Too young.”  

“Too young?”  

“Aye.  I have no desire to wed or bed anyone half my age.”  

“Ah, yes.”  Martin nodded.  “Wise that.”  

“What about Navarrin’s daughter?”  Xavier asked.  

“She’s married,” Daniel answered.  

“No, no.  Not that one.  The other one.”  

“Dedicated herself to the Goddess.”  

Xavier’s eyes widened in surprise.  “Really?”  

Henry nodded.  “We approved the vows last week.”  

“Oh, well then, that’s not going to work.”  

“No.”  

They fell into an easy quiet.  “What about the Lady Jocelyn?”  Xavier asked.  

Trevelyan shot a look at Martin.  As he did he caught Daniel frowning and Henry being still.  That puzzled and concerned him.  Henry was rarely ever still.  Then it was gone.  Daniel was back to his usual pleasantry and Henry was tracing a pattern on the tabletop.  Yet, he’d seen it.  He’d swear that that he had.  Why?  Why those reactions from his friend and his king?  

“What about her?”  Martin asked, distracting him from his thoughts.  

“Well, Maggie says she can ride and hunt and is decent with a sword,” Xavier said.  “Seems like she’d be all right as a campaigner.”  

Martin nodded.  “And Dragona is a good holding especially with Justice and his men as part of the bargain.”  His eyes settled on Trevelyan.  “And if I remember correctly, she did win at least one game of chess against you.”  

“So she did.”  

“Then a good enough match for you,” Xavier said.  

“She is Marsten’s widow,” Daniel said quietly.  

Trevelyan nearly frowned.  Why was Daniel objecting?  Was he even objecting?  His expression was neutral, but Trevelyan suspected there was a deeper emotion at work.  Sometimes he couldn’t read the other duke.  He knew that Daniel valued Jocelyn.  Did he think that Trevelyan was not worthy of her?  Was he wrong about Daniel?  Mentally he shook himself.  No.  He’d stake his life on his friendship with the duke of Aerilon.  There was something else at work.  There had to be.  

“All the more reason to marry her off to someone so she won’t cause more trouble,” Xavier announced.  “That woman is dangerous.”  

Trevelyan did frown.  “She was not the cause of Marsten’s rebellion,” he countered.  

Xavier shot him a skeptical look.  “And you know this how?”  

“Because she told me.”  

“And you believed her?”  

He leveled a hard look on the elder duke.  “Yes.”  

Xavier snorted.  “You’ve a lot to learn about women if you’re going to believe her at her word.”  

“And you have a lot to learn about the Lady Jocelyn.”  

“Educate me if you’re such an expert.”  His gaze matched Trevelyan’s while his voice carried no small amount of skepticism.  “I’m fascinated to know why the King’s Enforcer believes the wife of the traitor when she tells him that she had nothing to do with her husband’s plans.”  

“I never said I was an expert, Savone.”  

“Yet you seem ready enough to believe her lies.” 

Irrational anger flared inside him.  His hand closed into a fist under the table.  “She didn’t lie.”  

“And you know this how?”  Trevelyan didn’t respond immediately.  “A word to the wise and a pardon to my dear Maggie, but women will say most anything to get what they want, particularly in bed.”  

His anger flared.  “How dare you!”  

“How dare you!”  Xavier roared back.  “You’re taking the word of a traitor over your own good sense.”  

“She’s not a traitor!”  

“She is!”  

That did it.  He leapt to his feet, slamming his hands down on the table.  Blue fire flashed over his hands.  “Enough!”  Daniel’s voice kept him from leaping across the table to take Xavier by the throat.  “Stand down, Wexton, now.  Immediately,” he ordered.  “And Savone, have a care of how you speak of the Lady of Dragona.”  

Xavier kept his eyes on Trevelyan.  “I am merely pointing out what I see, Aerilon.”  

“Then you are blind,” Trevelyan snarled.  

“No more blind than you.”  

“Again, enough!”  Daniel snapped.  “Wexton, sit down now before I make you.”  Trevelyan shot his friend an angry look, but he did as he was bid.  “Thank you.”  He looked at Savone, his expression hard.  “I will say this once, Savone.  Slander the Lady Jocelyn again and you will answer to me.  Do I make myself clear?”  

Xavier frowned, confusion clear.  “You would defend her?”  

“Yes.”  Daniel sat up straighter.  “The Lady Jocelyn is many things, but she is not a liar nor is she a traitor.  If she says that she was not involved in Marsten’s plans, then she was not.  Are we clear?”  Xavier shrugged more than nodded.  He looked at Trevelyan.  “I am also certain that Wexton did not base his determination of her innocence on her word alone.  Did you?”  

He didn’t want to answer.  The anger roiled through him.  How dare Xavier doubt Jocelyn?  How dare he?  And yet even as his anger raged, the rational part of him understood why Xavier would speak as he did.  He opened his hands, closed them tightly then opened them again.  He drew a long breath and let it go.  He only spoke when he trusted his voice again.  

“No.”  He drew another long breath.  “From all accounts, Marsten had left Dragona with her men at least two months before he’d made his intentions known and without informing his wife of his intentions.”  

“And you know this how?”  Martin asked.  

“Talking with her captain, her men, and her people.”  

“They could be lying,”  Xavier started.  

Trevelyan sneered.  He couldn’t help it.  “That would require over two hundred people telling the same lie in the same way without anyone slipping up.”  He shot Xavier a hard look.  “Think that likely?”  

Xavier shifted in his chair.  “No.”  

“Dragona Castle was also besieged twice in the preceding three months.  I sincerely doubt she could be rebelling against His Majesty and defending her castle.”  

“What did you say?”  Henry asked.  

“Dragona Castle was besieged twice in the preceding three months,” Trevelyan repeated.  

“By whom?”  

“Count Farin.”  

Henry frowned.  “And what has been done about Count Farin?”  

“The Lady Jocelyn stated she handled the matter.”  

“Which was how?”  

“I am afraid that I do not know, Your Majesty.”  

“And why not?”  Clearly the king was displeased.  

“Because you wanted me back swiftly and taking a week to check on Farin’s stronghold didn’t seem to be swift,” he shot back.  “Your Majesty,” he added.  

Henry’s eyes opened in annoyance, but it faded quickly.  “Yes, I did rather remember asking you to bring her to me sooner rather than later.”  

Trevelyan didn’t answer.  Biting his tongue was the wiser move, but his anger still simmered.  If he wasn’t careful he was going to say more than he should.  He already had.  Gods, why did Xavier have to be such an ass about Jocelyn?  He didn’t know her, didn’t understand truly she could not, would not have rebelled against Henry.  It wasn’t her.  It just wasn’t.  He drew a deep breath, willing himself to calm.  Most of the time he could contain his temper.  This day, though, this day his temper was getting the best of him.  

“Well, Savone, it seems that the Lady of Dragona is not as traitorous as it would seem,” Martin said.  

Xavier nodded.  “Yes, so it would seem.”  He stroked his chin before seeming to come to a conclusion.  “My apologies to you and Aerilon if I spoke inappropriately.”  

“Apology accepted.”  Daniel said before Trevelyan could even think of disagreeing.  Trevelyan inclined his head in agreement.  “She is also a good friend to my wife and myself, Savone.  If Wexton had not defended her then I would have.”  

“So you are saying I should be careful.”  

Daniel sighed deeply.  “I am saying that appearances aren’t everything.  I would also advise that you ask your wife about the lady.  You may find her opinion illuminating.”  

Xavier frowned.  “You don’t say?”  

“I do say.”  

That cracked a small smile on his face.  “I will be sure to ask her then.”  He leaned back in his chair slightly.  “Well, Wexton, after all this, perhaps you should marry her.”  

Trevelyan counted to five before answering.  His anger was still there and he needed to control it.  He marry Jocelyn?  Internally he shook his head.  That was a foolish thought.  She didn’t want him.  She hadn’t wanted him then.  She certainly didn’t want him now.  He’d executed her husband.  

“I’ve made my interest in the Lady Miranda known.”    

“Until you’ve formally asked, you can always change your mind.”  

“Perhaps I do not want my mind to be changed.”  

He nodded.  “Ultimately, Wexton, it is your life, but I would think hard on why you were so quick to defend a traitor’s wife.”  

He bit back his first retort and settled on his second.  “Perhaps my sense of honor demands defending someone who is innocent.”  

“Perhaps.”  

“Glad that matter is settled then,” Henry said.  “Now, given we’ve troubled Aerilon for a feast tonight, it would be a pity if we were all late to it.”  He stood, causing the other men to stand as well.  “Good afternoon, gentlemen.”  They all bowed to him.  “Wexton, a word.”  

[cuddliestbear]

Tw:abuse,emotional manipulation, self harm mentioned

You know, over the past few years, I think I have learned a LOT about myself as a person. Leaving that toxic environment that was my father's house was a good decision, and ultimately better for me as a whole.

But since then, even with meds, with therapy, support from family and friends, I find I'm still on the road to recovery.

I've got anxiety and depression now, and low self esteem, and low expectations for any person in my life because it's easy for me to think 'this is better than before at least' and let shit slide. I can't keep thinking like that, I need to be better, not coasting. But, I'm working on it and trying so hard to give myself the self love I need after so many years of emotional and mental abuse hurled at me at such a young stage in my life.

I cry sometimes for the life I could have had had I not been conned into moving. I might still be friends with an old friend from my home who I barely talk to anymore. I might have ACTUALLY become a Marine Biologist. I might have done a lot of things, met a lot of people, different people than I know now.

Through the bs I went through, at least I have my friends, and my mom whenever I need them. I'm trying to take on the perspective of glass half full lately, because I have been such a pessimist since I was sixteen. It's not a matter of getting over it, there is no getting over it, it is being able to acknowledge the hurt that happened, and process it in a healthy way to better myself.

To people who will say 'how could you just abandon them like that?' It wasn't easy, whether they hurt me or not whether they were horrible to me or my mom or not, I still cared about them to some extent. That has always been my problem with things, when I care, I CARE, when I don't care, I REALLY don't. So, to try and leave people that had housed me and clothed me and fed me was hard. I didn't want to leave my sisters, I kinda didn't want to leave my dad behind because I am 90% positive he was just as miserable there as I was. But, also my dad created this problem for himself. He met this woman and decided he wanted to marry her, that was his decision, not mine. It was his decision to let her keep his balls in her purse so he wouldn't ever stick up for his own flesh and blood when his wife was being a cunt to them. So, yes, I 'abandoned' them, if that's what you want to call it. And, I shouldn't have to be sorry for that. And I am NOT sorry for that.

The only thing I am sorry for is having to leave my sisters behind. And I am sorry that they couldn't figure out that I am a whole human with whole human feelings and thoughts and ideas and own ways to be. No, what they wanted was a perfect little daughter who was obedient to a fault. They wanted a puppet who's life they could control and play with like a stupid fucking sims game.

And if I am swearing a lot in this it's because even after years of being away, I am STILL angry. So, so, so angry. All the time. Because I had been put through hell by adults that should have fucking known better. I solemnly swear that I will NEVER have children, because I barely know how to take care of myself, I have no right trying to take care of a mini human when I have so many issues that might complicate parenting.

They ripped my dreams and hopes to tatters and I was left with nothing of myself. I was a shell for so many years, I cried so often, but eventually I did that in secret because no one gave a shit. I used the razors in pencil sharpeners to open my wrists in PUNISHMENT to MYSELF because I was made to feel like I was the problem that everything was on me and I failed and kept failing and it built and I broke. I'm not proud of any lingering marks on my body, but it would be foolish of me to discount them. They are imprints of my own pain, and they remind me that I am stronger than I once was. Not by much but I am stronger.

The fucked up part isn't even that I hurt myself, the fucked up part is that I THOUGHT I deserved that pain. That I EVER deserved to be treated like such a stain on their life they would do anything to scrub out or paint over. There were always good days and bad days, but the overall experience was misery and lonliness.

I couldn't really hang out with friends outside of school and if I did, they wanted to know exactly what I was doing, and where I was going and who I was with. And they didn't approve of the vast majority of the answers to those questions. So, I just never went out. Never hung out on the weekends somewhere, I just stayed home in my room on my own as often as I could. My room was my only safe place and even then that was subject to be rifled through and examined always. I had no privacy, no life and I only went to school and came home, rinse and repeat. School was one of the only bright spots in my life because at least there my friends wanted me to be around and people seemed to like me.

That's also something I've struggled with, I have an incessant need to be liked by ABSOLUTELY everybody even though I know that isn't realistic. I do my best to be kind and compassionate to others and became that sort of mom friend who will listen to you air out your own problems while bottling my own.

But, I'm trying to fix that, trying to work on myself because I have so many deep seated issues that I don't talk about with anyone. I'm also so TIRED of being angry, it takes so much energy, and I am so so tired.

To anybody stuck in situations like that, first opportunity you get, get help, some support from somebody. If you're able to and not in danger, check out this website for domestic violence and domestic abuse support. https://www.thehotline.org/

Know that there are options, there is still hope and there is still light somewhere to guide you. Do what is right by you, and you will find that light. Even if doing right by you means leaving a relationship or household you've been in for years. It's hard but you can do it.

To quote Kingdom Hearts "May your heart be your guiding key." Use that key to free yourself and get help if you can!

Anyways, sorry for the heavy topic, I just had to get that all out there.

[warofshadowstheorder]

Chapter 03

Agent Alexis Bledsoe was sitting outside her boss’s office in Washington, D.C., a crimson rash extending from just below her nose to the bottom of her chin circling her head.  She had met with him on various occasions to discuss her progress as well as when he interviewed her for specific posts, new assignments, or periodic evaluations.  But this time was different, and she was nervous for the first time in her career.

Taylor was inside the office having a discussion with Assistant Director Andrews and giving him a briefing of what had happened.  Bledsoe couldn’t hear everything that was being said, but she could tell Taylor was furious.  Inwardly, she did her best to reassure herself that everything would be fine.  But she knew that she’d failed at her assignment, and that someone would have to be sacrificed for what happened.

The wait was becoming unbearable as time seemed to go by slower every moment.  She thought of the long hard road she’d been forced to take in order to get where she was in her career.  Then she thought about all she had worked so hard to earn vanishing in an instant because of an event that had taken place just as quickly.

She was taking in everything around her again, similar to how she would when she was on an assignment.  But this was a different kind of symphony.  The one that she composed in her mind when she was on an assignment was reminiscent of a rhythmic and light-hearted one.  Now, the anticipation she was feeling coupled with the voices she could hear inside Andrews’ office was creating a darker and more foreboding one in her mind; a Requiem for her career.

She remembered how the symphony at the rally the day before had been broken up by the slightest almost unnoticeable noise from behind her.  What had happened next, the eyes of her attacker, and the two figures she’d seen from where she’d ended up on the floor, had dominated her thoughts every moment since.  She could never forget the eyes that seemed to constantly stare at her and remind her of the one who she was sure had put a permanent damper on her hard-earned career even if she wanted to.  She could see them in front of her even when she was awake.

The internal requiem was interrupted by six words.  “Agent Bledsoe, come in here please,” it was Andrews’ voice.  Bledsoe took a deep breath, then stood up and entered the office.

Assistant Director Peter Jonathan Andrews had been with the Service for more than twenty years and had guarded more than half a dozen U.S. Presidents and other high level dignitaries.  His office was decorated with pictures of his wife and children, as well as several of him with fellow agents at various stages of his career down to the present time and with some of the people he’d protected.

He also had a locked filing cabinet and several plaques to different sides of his desk.  The wall behind his desk was covered with a large American flag that he had been given as a gift from a grateful President.  Just below it he had a framed folded flag that had been flown over a FOB where his Marine son had served during a deployment in Iraq.

Bledsoe walked up in front of Andrews’ desk and stood up straight and resolute, trying not to let her impending dismay surface.  She glanced to her left and saw Agent Taylor, with a bandaged nose, sitting down with an irate look on his face.

Andrews was in his fifties with graying hair and a heavyset build that had been quite athletic in his younger years.  His face rarely ever showed any emotion and seemed to be set in a permanent stone-faced expression.  He was very well known to conduct himself in a quiet, dignified, and firm manner.

“Please sit down,” Andrews said, gesturing to the chair next to Taylor, after Bledsoe had sat down Andrews spoke to her.

“I’ve spent the last fifteen minutes listening to Agent Taylor attempting to explain to me how it is that a man who we have been exhausting every effort to protect is suddenly picked off like a clay pigeon.  He tells me that it was your fault Agent Bledsoe,” Bledsoe cast a sideways glare at Taylor who was looking confident in what he had said, “but as you know, I never make a decision without hearing both sides of the issue.  So, Agent Bledsoe, please tell me what the devil happened there!”

Bledsoe then proceeded to tell Andrews about what had happened from her perspective.  She was very careful to point out that she’d checked the area multiple times and found nothing.  She also pointed out that she radioed in when she had heard the noise, and had gone over the area very closely before calling off her warning.  Despite not entirely believing it herself, she even talked about the assassins’ literal disappearing act.

“That’s all well and good,” Taylor interjected, “but that still doesn’t explain how you called in a security breach and then a few seconds later an incredibly well-placed shot blows Saunders’ head clean off and all over the stage!  I won’t even get started about how the only physical evidence we have, apart from some dust that used to be a bullet, is a rag that, aside from being saturated with your DNA, we absolutely cannot f#$%ing trace!!”

“I told you,” Bledsoe said, maintaining a professional tone, “when I came to I was restrained, and that the guy who jumped me had recordings of my voice that he played into the earpiece.”

“Then how the hell did he know the names of different agents?!  Not to mention how he was able to point out suspicious people!  And you should be more realistic reporting on their escape than that ridiculous disappearing shit!”  Taylor spat out.  There was a pause, and the tension between Taylor and Bledsoe was very potent.  “It sounds like an inside job to me sir!”

“Just what are you implying?!” Bledsoe exclaimed in an angry and spiteful tone as she stood up and turned to face Taylor.  Taylor instantly returned the gesture in kind.  Taylor stood at six-foot two and used his height to tower over Bledsoe.  But she showed that she was not intimidated by him and met his stare with a piercing one of her own.

“I think you know full well what I’m implying,” Taylor retorted, “there’s no way that two men could have infiltrated the pavilion and pulled off that hit without inside information.  You have no proof of your story since the only possible evidence is a rag that’s soaked with your own DNA.  And since when has anyone been able to sneak up on or immobilize you?!”

Bledsoe was caught.  It was true that in all her years with the Service, and in fact since her pre-teenage years, no one had ever been able to sneak up on her no matter how quietly they could move.  Her reputation for hand-to-hand combat was also well-known.  Taylor’s comment was a crushing blow to Bledsoe’s pride, and she didn’t know how to respond.  She didn’t want to admit that she’d been bested, but at the same time she knew that if she didn’t say anything she’d be all but admitting to Taylor’s accusation.

“I can’t explain what happened,” Bledsoe said with a lower but still strong voice before turning her head down in shame and disappointment, “I can only say,” she brought her head back upright, “that I did nothing wrong and was completely on top of my situation before I got jumped.”

“Right,” Taylor said cynically before turning to face Andrews, “Sir, I’m going to request that Agent Bledsoe either resign or be terminated from this agency immediately.”

Bledsoe, knowing that she could do nothing more, did her best to stand up straight and look dignified.  She never wanted to give Taylor, or anyone else trying to bring her down, the satisfaction of seeing her break.  Andrews stood up.

“I appreciate both of you telling me your sides of what happened,” he began, “and I want you to know that I’ve made my decision.”

Taylor and Bledsoe both faced Andrews with anticipation, Taylor’s expression was more hopeful while Bledsoe’s was somewhat grim.

“What happened was a terrible tragedy,” Andrews began, “but unfortunately these things sometimes do happen.  Agent Taylor,” he faced him, “you make several valid points, and I can understand why you feel the way you do having been the team leader on this one.”  Andrews then turned to face Bledsoe.

“Agent Bledsoe, you’re a great agent and as far as I’m concerned an invaluable member of this agency.  Although I have to admit,” Andrews’ tone changed slightly, “what happened that night does sound very suspicious.  However,” he turned to face Taylor, “I have to take into account that the man we took in for the murder did put a dozen officers and agents in the hospital and broke your nose while flat on his stomach and under the weight of at least eight men.”

Taylor got a resentful look on his face at the memory of why his nose was bandaged while Bledsoe concealed a smirk.

“Taking that into account,” Andrews continued, “we all have to concede that we are dealing with at least one man who is unlike anyone we’ve ever seen.”  Andrews let out a sigh.

“The Department of Homeland Security deemed the assassin a terrorist,” he said, “and they’ve shipped him off to Gitmo for interrogation.  They want to find out exactly who he is and who he’s working for.  After the show he pulled at the pavilion, we need to find out who these people are before they start going bigger than attacking presidential candidates.  After what he did, I wouldn’t put it past them to level the entire city of Los Angeles with only two men and a box of paperclips.”

“I need you,” Andrews said pointing to Bledsoe, “to go down to Guantanamo with Taylor…”

“Why the hell is she going with me?!” Taylor spoke up, “I’m perfectly capable of handling the interrogation on my own!”

“I’m not denying that,” Andrews answered calmly, “but Agent Bledsoe is in the best position to ID the suspect as the shooter.  Will you be able to leave in three hours Agent Bledsoe?”

“Yes sir” Bledsoe replied firmly.

“Good,” Andrews said, “you’ll go there with Agent Taylor and ID the suspect.  You may also participate in the interrogation if you like.  You’ll be on your own recognizance after that, and on suspension for three months with pay.”

“Sir,” Taylor piped up, “I understand her coming to ID the bastard, but I have to say that I believe three months with pay is not a sufficient disciplinary measure…”

“That is duly noted Agent Taylor,” Andrews said cutting him off, “but until the door to this office has your name on it, by which time I will be retired and living out my days somewhere in Maine with Harriet and a German Shepherd to be bought and named later, you will respect and go along with my decisions.  Are we very clear on that?”

“Yes sir,” Taylor responded in a more subdued tone accompanied by a grudging nod, which Andrews returned before turning his gaze to Bledsoe.

“You will begin your suspension after you get back to the U.S.  Check in with me when you return from Cuba.  Is that understood?”

“With all due respect sir,” Bledsoe answered in a respectful but firm tone, “I appreciate you allowing me to stay in the Service.  But I must request that I be allowed to at least complete this case before going on suspension.  I’m sure you’ll have our best agents on this, but I need to see this through to the end.  I want to see this son of a bitch and his partner fry for what they did.”

“I understand your feelings,” Andrews responded, “but taking all the information that I now have into consideration, it would be better if you weren’t directly involved in this.  Normally, I’d be asking for your resignation.  But due to your years of service and that everything about this screams abnormal, I’m willing to consider other options.  You should be grateful that I’m letting you go to Gitmo.  Do you understand?”

“Yes sir,” Bledsoe answered, inwardly still grudging her upcoming suspension.  Andrews returned to his chair before scooting forward to rest his arms on his desk.

“You’re dismissed Agent Bledsoe,” he said, “a car will be at your apartment in two hours to take you to the airport.  Taylor, stay here for a while so we can go over the interrogation process.  I want to be sure that you’re clear on legally accepted interrogation methods.”

Bledsoe turned and left the office.  As she walked down the hallway leading to the exit, she thought of all that had happened in the past 48 hours.  She’d gone from being on the campaign trail and everything being fine to being a suspected accomplice in what was becoming the most shocking event since the JFK assassination.  She started to get focused and remembered that she needed to pack for Cuba and figure out what she was going to do with three months of personal time.

[minaminokyoko]

The Old Guard: A (Disappointed) Spoilertastic Review

I hate 2020.

For many reasons, of course, but there is this particular nastiness it seems to have, like it’s getting revenge on us for our past and current sins.

And the Old Guard feels like part of that revenge.

I haven’t read the graphic novel, so please understand the following review is based on the film alone. I was on board with getting to see my queen and girl crush Charlize Theron kick some ass and rock that bangin’ brunette pageboy haircut that only she can and yet what this movie gave me is a raging case of 2020. This concept isn’t anything new or original, but it should have been a walk in the park. It has solid actors and a simple premise.

So why was it total bullshit?

I’m so angry. I’ve said before how certain movies feel like someone had all the ingredients to make a hot, delicious pizza and yet when they combined them, they came up with Brussel sprouts somehow. This movie is a lazy mess. It has about a handful of decent moments, but overall, it’s negligent. It doesn’t care. It doesn’t care to show you its potential. It’s just a tired, by the numbers, dull action movie that’s wasting the talent that it managed to gather together. Maybe that’s why I’m so mad. It’s clear that this could have been fantastic, but the apathy in the writing turned into a grey, flavorless bore.

Sigh. Let’s swing the ax already and get this over with.

Overall Grade: C-/D+

Spoilers ahead.

Pros:

·         I signed on for Charlize Theron and at least I got what I wanted, which was her kicking ass but still giving us a few soft moments of vulnerability. This is why I will follow this woman to the grave. Charlize Theron is one of my favorite actresses because she’s so good at showing what women are capable of as characters. She has such a wide range of acting skills, giving us a cold, bitter woman but at the same time showing hints of inner kindness and strength and love. This movie barely has many redeeming qualities, but she’s by far one of the best parts. The movie knows it, as she is the only one we really get to “know” over the course of the film.

·         Joe and Nicky are the only other characters providing any warmth or emotion in the film. It’s badly needed. I was so let down that they didn’t show Nile’s introduction to the team because, to me, I got the sense that Joe and Nicky are the heart. They seem in touch with their emotions and not as cynical and hardened by their “immortality” as Andy. They seem to still care about helping people, even at the cost of themselves, and they could have been such a strong anchor if the movie invested more time in them. Both actors are solid and believable in the roles and it’s a pity they weren’t given more to do than to be the victims who needed rescuing.

·         The action, for the most part, is solid. It’s pretty average, though. Nothing surprising. It’s the moves you’ve seen if you watched John Wick or Atomic Blonde, so keep that in mind.

·         The effects are solid, particularly for their healing factor. It’s smooth and polished looking.

·         What little bits and pieces we see between teammates is likable. They seem genuinely fond and protective of each other and it’s not in focus enough, but when it is, it’s nice.

·         The soundtrack is pretty good.

Cons:

·         Lack of explanation. Look, I get it. You don’t want to load your entire movie up with exposition, but it’s very simple and easy to pace it out. You don’t have to dump it all in one spot, or if you do, then you can simply be strategic about it. Most good movies also know how and where to integrate the exposition and story into sequences where the characters are performing an action so that you don’t notice the exposition as you have something visual to distract you and keep your attention while you’re watching the movie. The Old Guard doesn’t care about all your questions. It just thinks you should accept whatever it jams down your throat, no matter how goddamn unbelievable it is. They explain so little of what’s going on to Nile that after the halfway point, you might as well throw up your arms and forget everything you wanted to know about the group. They answer nothing at all, yet expect Nile to throw in her lot with them for however long she’ll be alive. What’s frustrating is that you have solid actors who could pull off the emotional angles of the hard decisions they chose to make as semi-immortal beings. It pisses me off that they don’t explain anything because the motivations are what make us all care about the characters. For instance, why become soldiers? No one said they had to fight for humanity, especially since they JUST heal wounds. They aren’t super fast or super strong. They could have very easily simply acquired wealth over the centuries and used that wealth to invest in things that help people. Why do they have to be fighters? Oh, right, because it’s cooler.

·         Lazy writing. The number of plotholes in this thing, due in part to lack of explanation, is stunning. I mean, it’s just so goddamn fucking lazy. It doesn’t care about its own material. It just needs to get from Point A to Point B by taking the most shortcuts possible. I can’t handle how little the movie cares about its own content. I can go point by point for laziness. We can start with how no one wanted to ask Nile ANYTHING after she came back from the dead. They just got mad and scared, but they didn’t say anything when she was still on the military base. What the actual fuck is that? And they just left her alone afterward, expecting her to follow orders? Uh, that’s not how that works. Her friends would be asking her a billion questions and the medics would have asked her even more questions than that. She wouldn’t just be walking around of her own free will, especially not in this day and age where science is obsessed with figuring out the why of humanity. They’d have kept her locked up and started examining her the second she healed the neck wound. And that’s just right off the cuff. Don’t get me started on her five second “I don’t want to march in your parade” bullshit that is just so clearly the second act breakdown moment to have the hero come back and save them in the third act schtick. How is Nile somehow calling out Andy for killing those men in the church when she was LITERALLY a Marine, who is TRAINED TO KILL BAD PEOPLE???? That made NO sense. But again, this movie doesn’t care. It doesn’t care about fucking anything. Booker’s betrayal was painfully telegraphed and it was also another plothole, as Andy has been alive for thousands of years and would have felt that the weight of her gun would be off without its ammo. She also would’ve checked her rounds before going in hot. Then there’s even smaller details, like it being broad daylight when they’re brought into that lab and then they have a shootout but there’s NO ONE on the streets when they leave, but then they leave and THEN all the people magically reappear. Go fuck yourself. This movie is an insult to average intelligence. It just expects you to open up and swallow every bit of its bullshit over and over again, squandering its own potential. It’s so infuriating.

·         Cliché placeholder dialogue. The dialogue is so unimaginative that I’m pretty sure a bot wrote it. You can tell beat for beat what’s going to happen fifteen minutes before it happens on-screen. The movie really does not think much of its audience. It doesn’t have a unique take on pretty much anything at all, which is a crying shame, really. There are plenty of juicy angles for character and action that they could have gone for and didn’t.

·         Not enough time is spent getting to know anyone except for Andy, and even she is given drive-by characterization. Nile is a huge loss. As a black woman, I am always dying to see black women in science fiction/fantasy stories because there is a severe lack of representation. I was hoping Nile would get a bigger stake in everything, but she’s just a chess piece. The movie doesn’t delve into her life, her wants, her needs, basically anything at all. They mention her family repeatedly, but they don’t go into detail to make you care and understand what a loss it is to leave them behind. It’s especially shitty when her bonding with Booker could have been a great emotional moment. Their origins line up well. She could have had conversations with him, arguing that she should be allowed to tell her family or at least say goodbye, and Booker could share his own tragic backstory with her to explain why it’s better for them to remain solitary. Then his betrayal would have hit even harder. Then Nile would have felt personally betrayed. It’s so ridiculous that there is all this set up of pain and interesting backstories that the movie just flatout ignores. Especially Quynh. Quynh ’s story will haunt me for the rest of my days, personally, but even that was left as an untied thread. It’s clear from that pompous ending that there’s either already a sequel planned or in progress, but personally, this movie let me down so hard I hope it doesn’t happen. Not unless a much better filmmaker and writing team comes along. Quynh’s untied thread is a blatant show of how they still think they deserve your time after showing you how little they care about their own material. They introduced the idea and then abandoned it without fully exploring what it meant. It’s clear that her horrible fate is painful to them all, so not giving it the adequate time to be explored is just even more insulting to the audience.

·         Lack of imagination. For instance, we have some Mark Zuckerberg-looking villain spouting the same tired dialogue from the idiot villain in the Venom movie. There also is no creativity in the action. We could have done some fun things utilizing their healing factors during fight sequences, but there’s not much to them. Just standard punches and kicks and headshots. Then there’s the boring dead wife betrayer guy who is inexplicably left alive after accusing said cartoony villain of murdering them. He has ALL the information to take to the CIA or FBI or just ANYONE IN GENERAL IN INTELLIGENCE AGENCIES and they just bop him on the head and leave him there??? This movie doesn’t have a single original thought. It’s just regurgitating other clichés from much better movies.

I wanted this to be good. I wanted a break from 2020, but it’s clear that this year is unprecedented in how terrible it can get and how it doesn’t want us to enjoy anything. I wish I didn’t have to say these things about this movie, but I do. I honestly don’t think it’s worth a watch and that people should avoid it. It’ll inevitably do well because people don’t have anything better to do, but that’s still a shame. I’m so disappointed in all its wasted potential and I always will be.

Kyo out.

[mihnn]

Hello! Sorry to bother you. can I ask for a recommendation? The only Kdrama I have watch it's boys over flowers. Could you recommend me one of the likes so I can get myself into this world? I keep staring at your gifts and just makes me wanna starts watching them.

Sure. And you’re not bothering me at all. :D So many recs…

Shows similar to Boys Over Flowers:

1. Coffee Prince - A tomboy is mistaken for a young man, but maintains the deception for the sake of employment. The situation becomes complicated when her male boss begins to develop feelings for this “boy” and vice versa.

2. The Heirs - Kim Tan is the heir to Empire Group who has been sent to study abroad in the U.S. In reality it’s a form of exile, as his elder half-brother back home schemes to take over the family business. While in the States, Kim Tan meets Cha Eun Sang, who arrived from Korea in search of her older sister. He feels himself falling for her, never realizing that she’s the daughter of his family’s housekeeper. When his fiancée Rachel Yoo arrives to bring him back to Korea, his heart is torn between love and duty.

Shows that are cute and fun with a lot of romance and friendship:

1. Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo - Bok Joo is a weightlifter who is pursuing her dream of winning the gold medal but she then finds romance for the first time in her life. While she is a woman who trains with heavy steel weights, she is also very feminine when it comes to relationships. To focus solely on weightlifting would jeopardize her relationship but leaving her weightlifting career for love would keep her from attaining her dreams. It covers their coming-of-age stories and relationships through hectic life.

2. Strong Woman Do Bong Soon - Do Bong Soon is a petite, unemployed woman who is honest and kind. She appears little and sweet on the outside, but she is in fact very, very strong. Ahn Min Hyuk, who holds a great distrust towards the police, witnessed the whole exchange of Bong Soon’s superhuman strength, and now wants to employ her as a bodyguard after being threatened by an unknown enemy. 

3. Shopping King Louie - The romantic comedy series “Shopaholic Louis” revolves around a handsome shopaholic named Louis, who is the successor of a vast business empire but becomes homeless after suffering from amnesia. Meanwhile, Koh Bok Shil, a country girl who lives a life that is worlds apart from the rich and famous, encounters Louis in Seoul.

4. Thirty But Seventeen - Woo Seo Ri, a violin prodigy at 17 who was about to study in Germany, got into a bus accident and fell into a coma waking up 13 years later. Mentally she is still only 17, while physically she is now 30.Due to a trauma he experienced 13 years before, Gong Woo Jin does not want to have a relationship with others.This series is about a man and a woman whose lives in their own ways essentially stopped when they were 17. Together, they use all their might to try and open the door to the happiness that they once thought had been closed to them.

5. My ID is Gangnam Beauty - This series tells the story of Kang Mi Rae, a girl once bullied for her looks. As a result, she became insecure, cautious around people and withdrawn. However, Mi Rae decides she wants a fresh start away from bullying and gets plastic surgery to transform her face. When she begins university, she meets Do Kyung Suk from their middle school days, who sees people for what they are on the inside and not the outside; he then becomes attracted to Kang Mi Rae.As Mi Rae begins to get teased once more and labeled “Gangnam Beauty”, the cold, aloof but kind inside Kyung Suk becomes the one person that stands up for her and in the process, Mi Rae begins to recover her lost confidence and discovers that true beauty is not on the outside.

6. What’s Wrong With Secretary Kim - The series revolves around the narcissistic Lee Young Joon, the vice president of a company run by his family. He is very self-absorbed and thinks highly of himself, so much that he barely acknowledges the people around him. Lee Young Joon has a capable and patient secretary in Kim Mi So who has remained by his side and worked diligently for 9 years without any romantic involvement. However, Mi So now want to set her life & focus on herself so when she decides to resign from her job, hilarious misunderstandings ensue.

7. Fight For My Way - Despite an increasingly hostile world, Ko Dong Man and Choi Ae Ra decide not to give up. No matter what others speak of them, they together make their own way to live a happy life.

8. She Was Pretty - As a young girl, Hye Jin was impossibly cute and had a comfortable life with her wealthy parents but since her teens, her looks and fortune changed abruptly and now she is living with her friend rent-free and working as a part-time clerk at a convenience store. One day, her childhood first love, Sung Joon, contacts her wishing to meet her, but recognizing Sung Joon has grown into a handsome and fit man, she quickly hatches a plan to have her pretty friend meet him in her place instead. After luckily landing a full-time job, Hye Jin is surprised to find Sung Joon as her boss, who is adding insult to injury, treating her with disdain and contempt.

EPICS with romance:

1. Goblin: The Lonely God - Kim Shin was once an unbeatable general in war who died a sad death. He now possesses immortality but is tired of living whilst everyone else around him dies. For 900 years, Kim Shin has searched for his bride, a mortal who can pull out the sword that binds him to the living. One day, he encounters Ji Eun Tak, a positive, upbeat high school student who can see the dead and has gone through tragic things, yet still stays strong. She claims to be the Goblin’s bride who can end his immortal life, but what appears to be an easy task only gets complicated as the two fall into requited love.

2. Mr. Sunshine - Mr. Sunshine centers on a young boy born into a house servant’s family and travels to the United States during the 1871 Shinmiyangyo (U.S. expedition to Korea). He returns to his homeland later as a U.S. marine officer. He meets and falls in love with an aristocrat’s daughter. At the same time, he discovers a plot by foreign forces to colonize Korea.

3. Moon Lovers: Scarlet Heart Ryeo - When a total eclipse of the sun takes place, a 21st century woman, Go Ha Jin, is transported back in time to the Goryeo Dynasty of Korea. She wakes up in the body of 16-year-old Hae Soo, an aristocrat living with Lady Hae, her cousin who happens to be married to one of the sons of King Taejo. She soon befriends several of the princes, who find her carefree and exuberant attitude refreshing. Although she knows she should not get involved in palace intrigues over the succession to the throne, she inadvertently becomes a pawn in the struggle, as several of the Princes fall in love with her.

4. Descendants of the Sun - Kang Mo Yeon is a pretty and assertive woman who works as a cardiothoracic surgeon at Haesung Hospital. She isn’t afraid to admit her mistakes and believes that capability overrides whatever connections you have. However, she is soon faced with reality that she cannot advance with just capability. Her life is forever changed when she encounters Yoo Si Jin, the Captain and team leader of Alpha Team who cares more about protecting anybody who needs help as well as his country, even if it goes against the order of his superiors. This drama will tell of how they both band together in a time of war and overcome the odds against them.

5. Memories of the Alhambra - Strong spirited Yoo Jin Woo is the CEO of an investment company with a degree in engineering and a knack for developing video games. He has an adventurous and competitive spirit. Suffering after his best friend betrays him, he takes a business trip to Granada, Spain in search of the mysterious inventor of an innovative augmented-reality  video game. He ends up at a hostel that Jung Hee Joo owns. They are both drawn into a series of strange and unexpected events.

Shows that focus on real relationships:

1. Something in the Rain - Yoon Jin Ah is a woman in her mid-30s who doesn’t know yet what it’s like to date a man. She’s been dumped by a man many times because of her clumsy, reckless, and foolish behavior. Just then, Joon Hee appears and he is Jin Ah’s childhood best friend’s younger brother, who used to live next door. Jin Ah has always remembered him as a little kid, but one day, he comes back as a man. When she is surprised by his change, her gut feeling tells her that she would truly fall in love this time.

2. Familiar Wife - Cha Joo Hyuk works at a bank and has been married to Seo Woo Jin for five years. When a strange incident happens one day, Joo Hyuk makes a decision that impacts his life and those around him in unexpected ways. Suddenly, the life he had with Woo Jin and his best friend, Yoon Joong Hoo are gone and he is leading a very different life.How will his first love, Lee Hee Won, factor into his new life? And will it be possible to get his old life back?

3. Encounter or Boyfriend - Cha Soo Hyun is the daughter of a politician who lives a  life where she is unable to choose her own path. After graduating from college, she entered into a loveless marriage with the son of a wealthy conglomerate, a marriage only beneficial to her politician father. She then gets divorced. Her life is changed further when she meets simple and kind Kim Jin Hyuk.

4. Matrimonial Chaos - Jo Seok Moo graduated from a prestigious university, but he pursued his dream of becoming a musician rather than finding a traditional job. Jo Seok Moo did not become a musician and because of his advanced age, he could not land a decent job. He then began working at a security service company. There, he met Kang Hwi Ru for the first time as his customer. They have been married for 3 years now, but Jo Seok Moo asks for a divorce. They do not have very much in common. Jo Seok Moo has a stubborn personality and enjoys spending time alone, while Kang Hwi Ru is easy-going and has a positive personality.Another married couple, Jin Yoo Young and Lee Jang Hyun appear. Jin Yoo Young is Jo Seok Moo’s first love.

Shows not focused on Romance:

1. Misaeng or Incomplete Life - Jang Geu Rae has played the game Go since he was a child. Playing the game was everything to him, but he failed to become a professional Go player. Now he’s been thrown out into the real world. When his gaming plans fail, the down-and-out Geu Rae is forced to get an office job as an intern thanks to an acquaintance’s recommendation for him to a large company called One International.

2. Live - The drama revolves around the incidents that occur in the police force and the joy, sorrow, and pain that police officers experience as they try to protect justice.

3. Argon - Kim Baek Jin is a popular anchor, reporter, and leader of investigative reporting program Argon. He does not tolerate unverified reports and requires facts he can personally stand behind.

4. Miss Hammurabi - Park Chao Reum is a newly appointed judge who is assigned to the 44th Civil Affairs Department at the Seoul Central District. She is always on the lookout for injustice and is able to profoundly empathize with others. Compared to her, Im Ba Reun is a cool-headed man of principle with the creed of ‘Court that is equal to all’, and he is displeased with junior judge Park Chao Reum who is overtly sympathetic when it comes to cases.

5. The Package - Yoon So So leaves on a trip to Europe with her boyfriend she met in college despite her parents’ disapproval, dreaming of a romantic journey. A few years later, her boyfriend heartlessly comes back to Korea alone, leaving So So behind. So So couldn’t help but start working as a tour guide in France to make a living. She leads a group of people traveling with the “Luxurious Premium Tour Package: 1 Week in France”.

These are just a few of the shows I love. There are many many MANY more, so feel free to ask. I know a few recs for law shows, assassins, murder/mystery, crack, so feel free to ask. I hope you enjoy your kdrama binge watch. Most of these can be found on Netflix.

P.S, - Added an update because I remembered a few more.

[evilsnowswan]

Summary: [Rumbelle Mermaid!AU] based on this prompt by repeatinglitanies: “In a world where people are aware of the existence of mermaids, Belle is a mermaid who lives in the world’s largest aquarium along with other sea creatures. She enjoys looking at the little humans who come to visit, especially a floofy haired boy who comes every week with his father….” An injured Belle is captured and brought to Gold and Milah’s aquarium. Gold is a marine biologist dedicated to protecting the creatures there, Milah wants to turn a profit, and their son has his own ideas about how to befriend a mermaid.

Rating: G/Teen Link to full story: [Read on AO3] Previous Chapters: [Coverart][Chapter 1][Chapter 2][Chapter 3][Chapter 4][Chapter 5][Chapter 6][Chapter 7][Chapter 8][Chapter 9][Chapter 10][Chapter 11][Chapter 12][Chapter 13][Chapter 14][Chapter 15][Chapter 16][Chapter 17][Chapter 18]

Current Chapter: 19/? Chapter Summary: Gold learns something new about Indigo. And about himself.

Chapter 19: Power

Whatever he thought about the Mills Foundation, or rather the representatives he’d met, they delivered, and they delivered fast. It was true that most problems could not be solved simply by throwing money at them, but the foundation’s money and connections had absolutely something to do with the shiny prototype he was looking at right now.

“And you got the idea from your work with… vets?” Gold asked, looking round at the man who had brought the large silver case. While the case was plain and ordinary, not warranting a second glance or a turned head on the streets, the man was everything but. He had to be around Gold’s age, maybe a little younger, but dressed like a man from another era. His getup reminded Gold of someone from the theatre or the cabaret; entirely too much detail, expensive fabrics, and deep colors.

“Something like that, yes.”

The man had introduced himself as Tailor, but Gold wasn’t sure if that was his last name, given name, or his occupation.

“We sometimes work with veterans.”

Gold nodded. “And it won’t be too heavy? Slow her down in the water?”

Tailor briefly looked up from the loose piece of thread he’d been examining. “Drag effect? Unlikely. It’s light as a feather.” He waved a hand at the case, then resumed studying the place on his sleeve where a button had gone missing, or maybe a cufflink.

“That’s… good.”

Gold waited for Tailor to elaborate, to tell him more about the wondrous device he had brought, or at least ask about the Med wing’s expensive equipment, like he was used to whenever he brought outsiders in, but the man remained silent and focused on his shirt.

“Is it… safe? I mean, can we try and put it on her? Or will you have to…”

“Made to measure brace. Don’t need me there.” Tailor gave a half smile and let go of his sleeve to wiggle his fingers. “Should fit like a glove. And if not—” he let his hand do the talking, directing Gold’s attention back to the open case on the table in front of them. “Adjustable straps and buckles.”

“Right.” Gold shifted his weight. “How much?”

“Pardon?”

Gold drew a deep breath and cleared his throat. Tailor buttoned his coat.

“I’m not sure we can afford this,” he admitted, feeling familiar embarrassment flooding his cheeks. In all those years, the knot in his stomach and the heat in his cheeks had stayed the same. “What range are we talking here?”

“Pfft, paper and coinage.” Tailor waved his concerns away and reached for his top hat in the same extravagant move. “It’s a gift.”

Gold blinked, feeling his jaw drop before he clenched it and ground his teeth. If there was anything he hated more than being skint, it was begging alms. They did not need handouts.

“In my experience, life comes with a price.”

“True, true.” Tailor nodded along gravely, then spun his hat enthusiastically. “But this,” he nodded at the case and clapped his hands. “is a gift.” His grin widened as Gold’s eyes narrowed. “Your un-birthday. Or hers.” He shrugged. “Don’t shoot the messenger.”

There was silence for a moment as Gold digested the news. It was too good to be true. There had to be a catch.

“And? You’ll leave it in exchange for…?”

He knew he was being rude, but he had too much life experience to bite.

“Updates,” Tailor said finally. “Management wants updates on the mermaid.” He spun his hat again, then put it back on his head. “Or the brace. Or the brace on the mermaid. Something like that.”

“Ah.” The tight feeling in his chest let up. Now they were talking. “Will a monthly report suffice?”

“Weekly.” Tailor gave him a knowing look. “The powers that be like to read.”

Gold grimaced, but, after a beat, held out his hand. Tailor eyed it curiously.

“Sale or return,” he said, winking. “You like it, you buy it. Then you can spin her royal highness some… tales.”

Gold frowned. “Come again?”

Tailor laughed, but it was a humorless laugh and it left his face harder than before. “Don’t mind me,” he said. “Just… watch out for that mermaid of yours.”

The words prickled at the back of Gold’s neck, and he took a moment to replay them in his mind to see what was wrong with them, but he could not detect anything bad, anything tangibly… off.

The whole money thing had rubbed him the wrong way and put him on edge. That was it. This was a business transaction. One he had insisted on handling himself. And so he would.

“Certainly.” he said, putting feeling into the word. “Her well-being is our main concern. And your… brace will help improve that, I’m sure.”

Hands in his pockets, Tailor nodded. “Let them know what you think.” He touched the brim of his hat, hesitated, then held out his hand.

Gold threw out his own again, only to notice the business card held between two fingers. He coughed slightly, then pocketed it without looking at it.

“If… there’s any trouble—” Tailor said, taking off his hat in a small bow.

“Thank you, Mr. … Tailor. We’ll let you know if we have any problems with the… uh, device.”

“At your disposal, Mr. Gold.”

***

After the visitor was gone, Gold pushed the case to the wall and logged onto the computer to take another look at the video footage of Indigo swimming. They, that was his wife, had sent it to the foundation - along with Indigo’s measurements, medical history, and copies of Dr. Whale’s reports. He had not liked it, but it had gotten them a custom made tail brace in record time.

Milah had explained to him that the Mills foundation had old ties with the military, which allowed them access to certain resources and personnel. None other than Ethel Montgomery herself had pointed them out to her daughter during her stay at Montgomery Manor. Another fact that didn’t sit well with Gold, but which he had to accept for the greater good: his goal to help Indigo as soon as possible.

Gold sighed heavily as he watched Indigo struggle against the artificial waves.

Just when he clicked to pause the video, a new email popped up, and he frowned, recognizing Milah’s name on his screen. Were they back to communicating via email only, sending messages from one office at the aquarium to another? No, she had forwarded a recent message from the Mills Foundation. The text wasn’t long, thanking them for their time, congratulating everyone involved on the great business decisions made, more of the usual hogwash, and finally, expressing hopes of continued successful cooperation in the near future.

Gold only skimmed the message, then stopped to look at the attached files more closely. They were instruction manuals. Furrowing his brow, he opened the first document, surprised to find a drawing of the brace and sock, detailing every screw and scrap of material used and giving instructions on assembly, use, repair and storage.

With a groan, he pushed up from his chair to drag the case towards the desk and popped it open. He was a hands-on guy; and touching what he was looking at would allow him to connect the dots a little faster.

He had just concluded that he’d acquainted himself fairly well with the metal-made monstrosity and put it back in its case, when the door to the Med wing gave a shrill beeping sound - access denied - and the intercom hissed.

“Papa?!” The voice panted audibly, gulping down air. “It’s me. Uh…”

Shaking his head and grinning, Gold walked over to hit the door to press the buzzer and let his son enter.

“Is it here? Can I see it? Mama said…” Bae was out of breath, his face flushed and eyes wide. He had probably run the entire way.

Gold chuckled. “Good afternoon to you too, son.”

“Hi, Papa.” Bae quickly threw his arms around Gold’s waist and hugged him. “Is it done? Is it ready?”

“Oh hold on, can’t a man sit back down and catch his breath for one minute, before you start bombarding him with questions?”

Bae stepped back, almost glaring, which made Gold laugh. “Alright. Yes, it’s in here.”

Bae took the case and pulled it closer to the desk, attempted to lift it, then decided to open it on the floor.

“Wow!”

“Careful now, my boy.” Gold hurried over to sink back into his chair and watch as his son tentatively reached out to touch the metal brace and stroke the soft sock. Wide-eyed, he looked up at his father.

“This is the same stuff we use for humans,” Gold explained, remembering what he had read. “It’ll protect the skin and slide around her tail.”

Bae nodded. “They use this for soldiers. When they’re injured.” His eyes flickered to Gold’s bad leg. “To help them walk again.”

“Yes.”

“Feel it, Papa! It’s so soft. What’s it made from?” Bae’s little hands went up and down the sock again. “Do you think she’ll like it? How do we put it on? Will she have to wear it all the time? Like, when she sleeps? Can she swim normal with it? Is it…”

Gold held up a hand, smiling. “We will see,” he said, concern already gnawing at the back of his mind.

“What’s it made from?” Bae asked again, lifting the sock from the case and feeling its weight in his hands.

Gold cleared his throat. “It’s a silicone elastomer. Took them a couple tries to get just right, make it soft as a baby seal’s arse.” He laughed at Bae’s incredulous look. “They say it’s saltwater proof and should stick to her scales, easy.”

Bae stuck his arm inside the sock and wiggled his fingers. “I dunno,” he said. “Feels like seatbelt.”

Gold raised a brow.

“It’s gonna rub!” Bae clarified, rubbing at his neck. “She’s going to hate it if it rubs.”

“We’ll make sure it doesn’t,” Gold smiled, thinking to himself that it would probably be fine once the sock was wet. Bae had always been a child who winced at new clothing, needed all the tags cut out just so, and who had thrown screaming fits whenever they had tried to wrestle him into knitwear as a toddler — until they had abandoned the idea of wool on the boy entirely.

Bae looked doubtful.

“You could help, if you like?” Gold offered. “I’m meeting Miss Lucas and Indigo at the pool in a bit, so she can try it on and see how it feels.”

“I know!” Bae squealed. “I want to come!”

Gold pointed a finger at him. “So that’s why you raced up here like a bull shark was chasing after you.”

“Mama told me.”

“I see.” Gold winked.

Bae carefully replaced the sock, then turned to his father. “Papa?” He hugged his knees. “Is�� is she going to die? If she doesn’t wear it?”

“Don’t worry, son.” Gold reached out and ruffled Bae’s curls. “Nothing’s going to happen to Indigo.” He shifted in his seat, leaning on his thighs. “The brace, it’s… just a tool to help her swim better.”

Bae scrunched up his nose and rubbed at it, his eyes watery as he held Gold’s gaze.

“You know, like your retainer.”

“Huh?”

“When you put on your retainer at night, it tells your teeth how to grow in the right direction, right?” Gold waited until Bae nodded. “This brace is going to tell Indigo’s tail muscles how to swim properly.”

“But she’s a mermaid. She knows how to swim.”

“Yes, she does. But when she was hurt, well, she taught herself to swim with a wiggling motion side to side—” Gold made the motion with his hands.”—like a snake.”

Bae nodded again. He had seen Indigo swim that way and compared her to a lizard.

“Or a lizard. But that’s not how mermaids are supposed to swim and it’s hurting her back. We were worried she could end up paralyzed, and since there are no wheelchairs for mermaids, we asked really smart people—”

“The Mills Foundation?”

“Yes, we asked the Mills Foundation for help and they made her this brace to make sure she’s going to be ok.”

Bae let go of his knees. “How does it work?”

“The brace?” Gold gestured at the case and motioned for Bae to close it. “Well, they designed it so that her tail moves up and down again.”

“But how?”

“By putting slight pressure on the right spots.”

“Yeah, but how does that work, Papa?”

Gold sighed internally. “You’ll see when we attach it. How about we pack this up and head downstairs? We can stop by Granny’s on the way. I hear there are waffles with two scoops of vanilla ice cream and our names on them.”

Bae scrambled to is feet and beamed. “Okay.”

***

The prosthetic designer hadn’t lied. They really had used the finest materials, durable but flexible. The sock was indeed soft to the touch, the joints flexible enough so it should feel natural, or at least as natural as a brace made from metal and screws could feel.

Indigo, however, didn’t look convinced.

They were on a submerged platform in the reef tank, the area once again closed off to the public, and had slipped on the sock (it had a hole for her fin, but they had had to roll it up a bit to make it slide through). Then they carefully attached the brace. Indigo had let them do it after examining the squishy soft material first and then eyeing the brace warily, but now her brow was furrowed and her teeth had come down hard on her bottom lip.

“Hey,” Gold tipped up her chin. “It’s okay. You’ll see.” He smiled at her.

“Yeah, and don’t worry if it itches a little,” Bae said, tugging on his life jacket. “We’ll fix that.” He too gave her a warm smile and Gold noticed chocolate sauce on his chin.

“Indigo?” Miss Lucas waved to catch Indigo’s eye, then pointed at her still tail in the water. “Move it for me?” She gestured with her palm held out flat. “Tail up, tail down. Tail up, tail down. Up and down.”

Lying flat across the platform, Indigo moved her tail up and down.

“Up… and down.”

Indigo glided off the platform and began to swim as intended, flapping her tail up and down.

Gold felt his heart rate pick up, a cautious grin tugging at the corner of his mouth.

He spotted the look of utmost concentration on her face seconds before it morphed into disgust and dismay, as Indigo swam around the pool, quickly looking harried.

“Indigo? Come back here,” Miss Lucas’ beckoning call fell on deaf ears. Beating her tail from side to side, Indigo thrashed in the water.

“No, Indigo! —”

Indigo bashed the tail brace against the side of the pool.

“She doesn’t like it!” Bae exclaimed, pointing and grabbing Gold by the arm. “Get it off her!”

Miss Lucas sat up on her knees. “Indigo! Stop!”

Indigo huffed, then did it again, pounding her tail against the side until the brace broke off in pieces and the metal began to sink.

“Indigo. No. … Damn,” Miss Lucas breathed. “I didn’t… I didn’t do anything.”

Bae folded his arms with a frown and Miss Lucas looked on with grim resignation as Indigo reached for the sock, tugged on it vigorously and finally managed to shake her tail partially free, causing her fluke to collapse like a sushi roll.

Dismayed, Gold dragged a hand across his face. He shook his head. “What are you doing, sweetheart?” He made to untangle himself from Bae’s renewed grip and let himself sink into the water to come to her rescue.

“Indigo?”

Indigo squeaked and dove under, reaching for the metal brace. She doggy paddled towards him and pushed the brace over.

He took it and briefly looked round at the others, before turning his attention back to her.

“That’s quite alright, sweetheart,” he said, palms up, and willing concern to the back of his mind, put a reassuring smile on his face. “Not to worry. You’re not to worry. We’ll have that sorted out in no time. It’s okay—”

He took her hand and gently guided her to the platform. “Let’s just have a look, shall we?” he cooed, patting the platform, and Indigo lifted her tail onto it. “Okay, here we go. — Miss Lucas? A hand?” 

***

They had taken the strange instrument away and not bothered her with it again until a few sunrises later. Belle didn’t much fancy the clammy feeling of the odd thing’s umbrella as it sucked on her scales, and the skeletal trap wasn’t exactly painful on her tail, but not comfortable either, and it restricted her movement considerably, so she could not understand why the airlings wanted it on her.

She refused to let them attach it to her again and after a couple tries, also shut down any and all conversation on the topic.

The airlings didn’t pressure her or force it on her, but she could tell it stayed on their minds, and so Belle wasn’t surprised when, one night, her airling brought it up again.

They were alone in the place she had been on her first night here, and he sat by the water silently and motionless, watching her out of the corner of his eye. He looked so heartbroken then that she just had to swim over to inquire what was the matter, and if there was anything she could do about it.

To her surprise, he got up and returned with a picture of the instrument. When he showed it to her, his hands shook. She stared at the picture, wondering at the many symbols and the lines that connected them to the drawing.

Why was this so important to him? Belle frowned, then pouted, as she touched his arm. What was the point of trapping her in the uncomfortable thing? Why couldn’t he just drop it?

He shook his head and patted her hand as if to say, it’s okay, you don’t have to, but I’d really wish you’d change your mind.

Before she could do anything else, he had gotten to his feet and left through the opening in the wall without so much as another glance at her.

Belle worried her lip. Had she offended him somehow? Was he angry with her? Was this about the instrument or something else?

She had noticed that both the airling and Jumper Girl seemed more reserved ever since she had rejected their instrument. Her little airling friend hadn’t come round to see her in days. His mother came to bring her snacks sometimes, but she didn’t linger long, just left a box or bucket by the platform.

Belle started to circle the pool. Had it been a mistake to express her dislike of the instrument so freely? She was sorry for breaking it. Could they all still be mad at her about that? Maybe if they gave it to her again, she could try and fix it? She had nimble fingers and could probably figure out how, if they gave her enough time and the right tools.

Just when she had managed to work herself into a state, all hope of sleep long gone, the airling returned.

Belle squinted at him in the bluish dark.

Something about him was different.

He approached slowly and it took her a moment to realize that it was his gait that had changed his whole demeanor so drastically.

When he was close enough for her to hear, he uttered a greeting, but the sound came out strained and clipped, like it took him too much effort to walk and speak at the same time.

Belle rubbed at her eyes, willing them to work better in the semi-darkness, and leaned forward, pressing her hands down on the edge of the platform, her mind half made up to push herself out of the water and meet him halfway. Had something happened? Was he… hurt?

She drew in a sharp breath.

“Indigo.” He finally stepped onto the platform, shoulders bent, hands on his knees, and breathing heavy, which did nothing to dispel the sinking feeling that seemed to cut off Belle’s own air supply.

He pointed at his leg and Belle followed his hand with her eyes, gasping again as they landed on the intended target. His leg was caught in the instrument! How had he managed to get trapped in the thing?! She reached out to touch it, to yank him free, realizing halfway there that it wasn’t the same instrument at all. This one was smaller and missing the sucking umbrella underneath.

Belle gazed up at him, confused.

He smiled weakly, then mumbled something that might have been words of encouragement to himself, and she looked on as he laid his hands on the platform and slowly maneuvered down into a press-up position. Wincing in pain, he kneeled on his free leg and reached out one hand to touch her cheek, gently stroking the soft curve of it, cupping her face in his palm.

Feeling her stomach drop out, then flip flop, Belle followed it under, diving in place, before she poked her head above water again. Feeling his eyes on her, she dipped her hot head beneath the surface and turned upside down so that the end of her tail and her fin poked up out of the water next, showing him her shiny scales, twirling and making her fin flop to this side and that, before she let it hit the water with a splash.

When she came back up after, her face was still burning, and she hoped he was too busy sorting his limbs finding a comfortable sitting position on the platform, to ask her what the halibut’s gill plate she was doing.

Biting her lip, Belle studied his weak leg and the instrument encasing it from the safe distance of the water. Now that he sat breathing normally and smiling at her, the tightness in her chest loosened enough for her to notice that it wasn’t the instrument that was hurting it. It had already been hurt, requiring him to lean on a piece of elegantly carved wood more times than not to reach optimum travel speed. He didn’t seem to need it now, and Belle began to wonder if that was due to the instrument; if helping his leg was it’s true purpose.

If that was true, however....

She swam up to him, intent on inspecting his leg instrument more closely, but got sidetracked when, after a few moments of her running her fingers over it, he started running his own over her skin, stroking up and down her arm slowly and gently, with the light pressure of only one fingertip.

Belle stopped what she was doing, frozen in awe, following the tickling sensation from her fingertips to her elbow, up to her shoulder, and down her neck. His touch tingled in her chest and belly, leaving an unknown sting just below her middle. Somewhere between a tickle and a bite, it made her squirm and shudder involuntarily as heat radiated from it.

With a breathless gasp, she withdrew, then reached for his hand, allowing their fingers to intertwine.

She licked her lips, not recognizing her own heartbeat anymore. His gaze was intense but gentle, flooding her with warm currents from head to fin.

Finally, the tingling and stinging became too much and Belle broke contact. Without meaning to do it, she went under, somersaulting beneath the surface, then went to float belly up on the water, letting it support her weight. She just needed a moment to gather her senses, slow down the rushing and roaring within her. What had this been about anyway? Why was he here?

The instrument. Right.

It floated back into her consciousness, and Belle made a decision on the spot. She mentally felt around for her tail, turned, and swam back up to him.

“Indigo?”

She nodded at his leg. Then lifted her fin out of the water and placed it on the platform. She pointed at it, then at his leg, and back again, and a ray of hope seemed to spark and ignite in his eyes as he grinned from ear to ear.

***

Heart pounding in his ears, Gold wheeled in the case and opened it, kneeling on the platform. They had long fixed the brace, but he had decided not to bother her with it again until she was ready.

Getting out his own brace had been both a stroke of genius and a mean, manipulative trick, but, thankfully, it had worked. The old thing had proven useful for more than just gathering dust in the back of his closet at last. Apparently, it could also be used to convince skeptical mermaids.

“You ready?” He looked over at Indigo, who was dutifully waiting for him by the platform.

At his signal, she heaved herself out of the water, rolling until she lay flat on her back, gazing up at him as he kneeled beside her. He half managed to convince himself that it was the darkness rather than his presence that gave her a sense of security and lowered her natural defenses this much, but before his thoughts could spiral and get away from him, he put a stop to it and focused on the task at hand.

Taking the sock out of the case, he showed it to her and waited for confirmation to proceed, which came in the form of an unmistakable nodding fist.

So he went ahead, sliding it on, noticing halfway up that it seemed to get stuck on her scales every now and then, the more so the higher up he went. Pausing, he frowned, then ran a hand over her tail to see where the problem was. The blue night lighting made it hard to find out any other way, as it danced on her scales and made them sparkle like moonlight on waves.

To his surprise, he found that Indigo’s tail was no longer the smooth, cool glass-like texture he had learned to associate with mermaids. It had changed, her scales no longer smooth and uniform, but with erect clusters, their once smooth edges standing up to prickle his palm.

He let go of the sock and examined with both hands, looking for a pattern. The higher he went, the more clusters he felt, their margins growing harder, the strange sensation culminating in the discovery of a sharp L-shape, maybe a hand’s breadth down from where her belly button would have been - if she had had one.

As he traced it, curious to see where its exact margins were, the scales… twitched under his fingertips and Indigo jerked away with an audible gasp, turning on her side and propping herself up on one arm, hair billowing in still air, then falling over her face like a curtain.

Perplexed, Gold froze, his mind shutting down momentarily.

With bated breath, he watched her form quiver and her chest heave, as she turned back around. Was it his ears playing tricks on him, or was there a faint sound… vibrating off her, her skin pulsing with it— like hitting glass just right?

Gold scooted closer against his better judgement and looked at her in amazement.

“Hell's bells. What—”

Indigo shivered and shone in the night lighting. In the skin along her ribs, he saw dark lines that looked like gills flutter wildly. She gazed up at him, her eyes curious, and he felt overcome with the sudden urge to kiss her, to press his dry lips to her wet ones, so dark they seemed almost black; a deep dark mauve when the scarce light hit them just right.

He couldn’t take his eyes off her. She’d never looked less human.

The faint sound grew louder, but didn’t stand a chance against his own blood’s deafening roar as it flashed from warm to unbearably hot under his taut skin. He felt the shivers roll over him like waves, strong and primal, and could just keep from tearing his clothes right off then and there and jumping right into the deep unknown that were her eyes.

He wanted to fall into them; fall into the sea, go down, descent below, go far beyond to a place where all light faded away, and disappear. His eyes locked on hers, everything he held dear residing in their depths, and he felt himself sliding down, leaning in, the need to inhale driven clear from his mind as it was filled with the sound of the sea.

“Oh, Jesus suffering fuck!”

Gold smacked a hand so hard against his own forehead, he nearly heard birds sing. Any lower than that and he might have accidentally knocked a tooth, his mouth hanging open like that of a total buffoon, a freaking primate at the zoo.

He blinked against the white noise between his ears and swallowed hard.

Had he just… had he been about to… nah, fuck off.

Gold ran a hand over his mouth, pinching his upper lip until it hurt. What had gotten into him?

When she touched him, he nearly jumped out of his skin; the touch of a fingertip on his arm enough to send him flying over the edge into absolute mental mayhem.

“Yes? Yes… sweetheart?” he rasped, voice rising half an octave, internally smacking himself about with as much vigor as his spluttering heart and seasick brain could muster.

Indigo rolled over, almost toppling into his lap, and reached for the brace, handing it over with a challenging look on her face.

He couldn’t move a muscle.

Moments ticked by and his ears were still stuffed with cotton balls.

Gold cleared his throat roughly.

When more time passed and he still didn’t comply, Indigo took matters into her own hands, yanking on the sock until it had moved about an inch, then giving up and flopping back down onto her back with a frustrated huff.

Gold blew out a long breath.

[romana73]

REYLO VS BALDIOS

Post written by ME. The animated gifs and pictures shown, however, AREN’T MINE and DON’T BELONG TO ME IN ANY WAY. Sorry for my mistakes, but English isn’t my first language

"I'll destroy her...and you...and all of it" (Kylo Ren, from "Star Wars, Episode VIII, The Last Jedi" movie) I read much worry ‘cause at end of movie and book "Star Wars. Episode VIII. The last Jedi ", Kylo Ren has decided and declared he wants to destroy Rey... who could read Episode VIII script said, at movie’s end, Rey and Kylo are described as" enemies with complications". In book, after explosion caused by their struggle for possession of Anakin’s old lightsaber, Kylo wakes up surprised to be alive. He discovers Rey has awakened before him and he understands she hasn’t killed him and... he blames her. Kylo thinks Rey was wrong and decision didn’t kill him would have destroyed her. He would have destroyed Rey. This is perfectly in line with Kylo’s character. Unlike Anakin who fell into Dark Side for FEAR OF LOSING LOVE, his wife Padmé, Kylo REFUSES any kind of feeling. Commenting on Finn’s escape, a former First Order soldier who, at the beginning of "Star Wars. Episode VII. The Force Awakens" movie, Kylo observes:

“How capable are your soldiers, General?”

“I won't have you question my methods”

“They're obviously skilled at committing high treason. Perhaps Leader Snoke should consider using a clone army”

(Kylo Ren and General Hux, from "Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens" movie)

Joke about Clones isn’t just a reference to Star Wars prequels. In Star Wars. Episode II, it’s explained clones are PROGRAMMED to war, to take orders, without disobeying or posing moral dilemmas. In this perspective, we also understand some parts of this dialogue between Kylo and Rey, in "Star Wars, Episode VIII, The Last Jedi" movie:

“Why did you hate your father? Do you have something? A cowl, or something you could put on? Why did you hate your father? Give me an honest answer. You had a father who loved you; he gave a damn about you!”

“I didn't hate him”

[...]

“No? Your parents threw you away like garbage”

“They didn't”

“They did, but you can't stop needing them. It's your greatest weakness. Looking for them everywhere, in Han Solo, and now in Skywalker [...]”

“Let the past die. Kill it if you have to. That's the only way to become what you were meant to be.”

(Rey and Kylo Ren, from "Star Wars, Episode VIII, The Last Jedi" movie)

Kylo was TEACHING Rey to have less possible feelings ‘cause, for Kylo, ​​HAVE FEELINGS means having WEAK POINTS. ‘Cause this, Kylo becomes enraged when he realizes Rey might feel something for him: ‘cause it means he hasn’t taught anything to her, ‘cause HE has become Rey's WEAK POINT, 'cause he’s in DANGER, since he could REPLACE Rey and this would be an OBSTACLE to accomplish what he proposes ... to explain all this and to reassure those who believe Ben Solo/Kylo Ren CAN’T REDEEM HIMSELF, ‘cause he killed his father Han, he chose Dark Side in full awareness, etc... I decided to propose parallels between Reylo and old robotic cartoon "Baldios". Comprised of 34 episodes, Baldios was produced in 1980 by Ashi Production. Unfortunately, cartoon was too modern for that time and, due to poor audience, it was interrupted abruptly, leaving without end Earth’s story and LOVE STORY between MARIN, male protagonist and APHRODIA, Marin’s BIG ENEMY. Fortunately, in 1981, Toei Animation produced "Baldios. The Movie" animated movie, which represents story’s end:

Story is this: getting too close to sun, contaminated by radiation, Saul 1 planet (S1) is dying. Sea and vegetation have disappeared. The air is unbreathable and population is forced to live underground, but even this solution begins to no longer work, due to lack of resources. S1 EMPEROR is called to make a decision, mediating between two groups in struggle: scientists, led by Professor Reigan who found a solution, able to make living S1 again, but they need time to study it and implement it. Military, led by Theo Gattler, commander of Aldebaran’s army, S1 militias, wish instead to take away S1 population and colonize a second habitable planet, Earth. Battle also ends with Marin Reigan, a pilot, Reigan’son who, in front of room hosting the meeting, clashes with soldier Miran and two of his friends. To sedate spirits, arrived Aphrodia, Miran's elder sister and head of Gattler's guards, as well as his beloved. Affected by girl, Marin doesn’t realize he has lost his identification card, collected by Aphrodia. Gattler proposes to Aphrodia and Miran a decisive solution to win dispute: murder Emperor and all scientists. Aphrodia is responsible for Emperor’s murder, in whose room he drops Marin’s ID card so he’s to be blamed for murder. Miran and his men will instead take care of killing scientists. Plan’s first part is fine: Aphrodia kills Emperor, dropping Marin badge on floor, while Gattler declares himself Dictator, electing Aphrodia as ARMY’S SUPREME COMMANDER. Miran goes to scientists' lab and, showing Marin's card, he informs Professor Reigan his son is accused of murdering Emperor. Knowing Marin is innocent, Reigan reacts to defend him. Miran prepares to shoot, but Marin arrives to save his father. Miran tries to kill man again, but Marin throws a piece of iron into his neck, killing him. Aphrodia arrives, to whom dead brother’s  sight breaks her heart. Learning Marin was who killed her brother, Aphrodia swears she will never forgive him and she will take her revenge. Marin answers he will never forgive her. Marin and his father try to escape, but man is killed by military. Marin takes his spaceship and tries to stop Gattler's mother ship from leaving S1, but Aphrodia arrives trying to kill him. In battle, Marin's ship is sucked into a vortex temporal space. Marin crashes on Moon where he’s picked up by the Blue Fixers, a special team at United Nations terrestrial service, which take him to their base on Earth. At beginning, Marin was met with suspicion and treated as a prisoner, interrogated and incarcerated. Only beautiful Jamie Oshino and Professor Era Quinstein, base scientist, seem to believe him. Upon forces of Gattler and Aphrodia’s arrival, who have decided to conquer and colonize Earth, everything changes. Marin’s knowledge and his skills in battle make him win trust of Blue Fixers and Jonathan Bannister, base’s head. Marin accepts to stand on Terrans side against Aldebaran. Meanwhile, despite battles and hatred, Aphrodia begins to feels something for Marin, but... In a flashback we learn as children, Aphrodia and Miran lost their parents in a tragic car accident. Gattler has come to their rescue. He has adopted and educated them. A Baldios. The Movie’s scene suggests, having become ADULT, Aphrodia was ABUSED by Gattler, although this is NEVER explicitly said:

Kylo Ren was MANIPOLATED and CORROTTED by Supreme Leader Snoke, who took him to Dark Side:

In closing theme of each episode of Baldios cartoon series, Marin and Aphrodia hold hands, watching sunset over sea:

In "Star Wars. Episode VIII. The Last Jedi" movie, Rey offers her hand to Kylo and he ACCEPT TO TAKE IT:

In first cartoon’s episode, Marin notices Aphrodia is a beautiful woman, despite always wearing glasses, uniform and wear hair hidden under military hat:

In "Star Wars. Episode VII. The Force Awakens" movie, Rey remains disoriented when Kylo removes his mask, revealing to be a normal boy:

In cartoon’s first episode, Aphrodia declares: "Emotional alterations lead to unpredictable mistakes ..." (Aphrodia 1x01 Baldios)

In "Star Wars. Episode VII. The Force Awakens" movie, when Snoke informs Kylo that BB8 is on ship of Han Solo, his father and Kylo will have to kill him, he answers: "He means nothing to me" "Even you, Master of the Knights of Ren, have never faced such a test" "By the grace of your training I will not be seduced " (Kylo Ren and Snoke, from "Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens” movie)

Marin and Aphrodia flee from Gattler. Arrived on Earth, exhausted, they faint on a lighthouse’s floor. Aphrodia recovers first and she tries to KILL Marin, still unconscious, but she can’t do it:

In "Star Wars. Episode VIII. The Last Jedi" movie, Rey and Ben Solo/Kylo Ren fight over Anakin's lightsaber possession. Fight causes explosion of spaceship on which they are and throws Rey and Ben Solo/Kylo Ren to opposite sides of Throne Room. They falled unconscious. Rey recovers first and flees, LEAVING IN LIFE Kylo Ren:

Awakening, Marin leads Aphrodia to base, where she’s imprisoned and brutally interrogated. Marin disagrees, but his friends remind him how many terrestrials Aphrodia deliberately killed, including their families. In end, Marin blocks interrogation, bringing Aphrodia to doctor who, reluctantly, cares her:

In "Star Wars. Episode VIII. The Last Jedi" movie, Kylo Ren brings Rey in Snoke’s presence, who interrogates her in a brutal way:

In "Baldios. The Movie ", Gattler incites Aphrodia to KILL Marin: "Come on, Aphrodia, it's your time! You take your revenge for your brother! Isn’t it true you fought until now for this moment? " (Gattiger to Aphrodia, Baldios the film)

But Aphrodia kills Gattler himself:

In "Star Wars. Episode VIII. The Last Jedi" movie, Snoke incites Kylo Ren to KILL Rey:

“My worthy apprentice, son of darkness, heir apparent to Lord Vader. Where there was conflict, I now sense resolve; Where there was weakness, strength. Complete your training, and fulfill your destiny”

(Snoke to Kylo Ren, from "Star Wars, Episode VIII, The Last Jedi" movie)

But Kylo Ren kills Snoke in order to save Rey:

To escape from Blue Fixers' base, Aphrodia takes Jamie hostage. Marin, Oliver and Roy arrive in order to save Jamie: "Aphrodia, let go of Jamie, please. I know you well, I know you would not be able to do it ... " "…but please! Do not make me laugh! What is it, do you think you allow me to be touched by your COMPASSION? " "Heard? In that witch hasn’t been humanity left" (Marin, Aphrodia and Oliver, Baldios, the Movie)

In a deleted scene from "Star Wars. Episode VII. The Force Awakens" movie, but reported in TFA novel, Snoke accuses Kylo to feel COMPASSION for Rey: The Supreme Leader's voice was flat. "You have COMPASSION for her." "No-never. Compassion? For an enemy of the Order? " (Snoke and Kylo Ren talking about Rey, from "Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens" novel)

In "Star Wars. Episode VIII. The Last Jedi" movie, Rey tells Luke there isn’t LIGHT in Kylo Ren:

In "Baldios. The Movie ", Aphrodia asks for a DUEL with laser guns with Marin, to kill him and avenge his brother. Marin accepts and, before starting, he says to Aphrodia: "Perhaps, Aphrodia, if you hadn’t chosen to go wrong way, things between us would have been very different" (Marin to Aphrodia, Baldios, The Movie)

In "Star Wars. Episode VII. The Force Awakens" movie, Rey and Ben Solo/Kylo Ren fight a DUEL :

In "Star Wars. Episode VIII. The Last Jedi", with a broken heart, Rey looks at Ben Solo/Kylo Ren to replace Snoke as First Order SUPREME LEADER and she asks him DON’T TO DO THAT :

In "Baldios. The Movie", Aphrodia is badly wounded and exhausted, so Marin SCOOPS HER IN HIS ARMS and he take her on beach:

In "Star Wars. Episode VII. The Force Awakens" movie, Kylo Ren captures Rey, he falls asleep her and he SCOOPS HER IN HIS ARMS, take her on his spaceship: