#and like i forgot that doing a masters degree is actually really time consuming and hard

[guiltandrecourse]

a crisp 1/3 of the first chapter of this fic . god help me

[zoetiger-1106]

The Chameleon is actually a really complex character and here's why.

Disclaimer: This post will contain kfp 4 spoilers as well as include info from interviews and the animation featurette and I will be analyzing the movie pretending that everything had deeper thought put into it even tho it's most likely not the case sometimes

For those who haven't seen it, have the absolute criminal offense that screwed with the story telling of this movie because it is important context.

Now that we have that whole thing out of the way, let me explain to you how the Chameleon's character is shown through more subtle things instead of just very in your face exposition/ storytelling.

1) Cammy's insecurities

The first time she was in on screen, Cammy was established as being in charge of Juniper City via commanding the local crime lords. She is hidden among them for the first part of their conversation, where she observes them badmouth her before she reveals herself, but even before the reveal, we get hints to her being there via the line "You forgot the shape-shifting sorceress part" that she throws into the conversation after the bear crime lord insulted her appearance.

Despite showing herself as in control and well put together, her need to interject hints at the fact that she does still have some underlying insecurities regarding her true form.

That insecure aspect of her character is further proven by her summoning Tai Lung first (I'll get to that later) and a statement from Viola Davis where she talked about how she did the character voice for Cammy

The underlying implication that she has internalized when masters told her she was "too small, too lowly and that kung fu wasn't [her] destiny" is proven even more when you take into consideration that she exclusively transforms into species that are larger and more physically powerful than her.

She literally says: "I grew, I excelled, and I got everything I had ever dreamed of." Everything BUT kung fu. The one thing she wanted to do from the very beginning. So, with that context, the "dream" she got fulfilled to a degree was the power. Conventional, physical power.

People have told her kung fu wasn't "her destiny" so she decided to take matters into her own hands and do what she believed to get her to where she wanted to.

To quote the Stephanie Ma Stine, the director who actually cared about her: "Because she has this anger that's been build up from always being invisible to everyone else, her transformation process actually reflects her anger."

All those years of being over looked and seen as less than had such an impact on her that it consumes ever part of her being. That lizard needs a hug and therapy, your honor.

As I said, I wanted to get into why she summoned Tai Lung first (chill I know this was not actually as thought out as I am interpreting it to be but hear me out.)

Tai Lung is everything she isn't and couldn't have been.

He is tall and conventionally powerful. Even if you knew nothing about his character, you could take a look at him and know that man is strong. On top of that, he had received formal training at a renowned school by a renowned master. Taking his kung fu first and foremost is not only the fulfillment of a wish she's had her whole life but also a power move on it's own; while not able to do kung fu Cammy still managed to beat someone who was what the schools she had gone to all those years ago would have considered the ideal student.

Also can we acknowledge how the water dragons (those are not komodo dragons idc how often it's stated) clap for her after she's done with Tai? Show of hands from all the mentally ill people who'd get their henchmen to clap for them too because they desperately need praise 🙋

Similar can be said for how she makes the people of Juniper City bow before her when she is paraded around; it makes her feel powerful.

Lastly I'd like to point out that her line of "Third rule of the streets? [...] Some would say it's the most important. Noone is interested in your feelings." Is probably something she got from people not caring about her feelings back in the day when she tried to pursue her passion.

2) Cammy's knowledge & skill

"Those bonds (the cages) are enchanted with some very old and very powerful magic. You'd need at least 10 Dragon Warrior's to get through them". Not only can she create such strong (presumably) chi based bonds but she can make them in batches and with ease. Between the scene of her accepting tributes from the crime lords of the city and Po's vision about her plan we can see her enchant multiple cages at once.

Not only that but she knows advanced chi techniques as well as how to open portals to the Spirit Realm. That is not easy information to come by Cammy has been researching chi in general for god knows how many years.

I don't know if I have said this on this blog before but her not being redeemed is such a wast because she could have not only helped Po further his mastery in chi but also aid in replacing a lot of the scrolls in the JP since she is knowledgeable on history and the history of kung fu and master too.

You honor that lizard is a nerd and deserves to geek out with Po.

I'd also like to point out that not only is she able to shape shift but do it incredibly swiftly. She can be seen switching forms in a matter of seconds even mid combat. Not only that but she has so much control off her body that she was able to create that dragon from of hers by transforming parts of her into different beings with little to no effort. That forms for incredibly stable too; she only transformed out of it to change her strategy.

Her incredible amount of control over her body funnily enough also shown by her 3d model alone. As stated by Sean Sexton the head of character animation "The Chameleon had 8130 controls. You could move every single part of that character [...]"

Lastly, I need to talk about how she genuinely is like Po.

I've seen people say that she can't do anything on her own because she just steals people's kung fu when no. No that is not the case. After having stolen enough master's kung fu to have a wide knowledge of the craft she was able to mimic and adapt to Po's style without having to steal anything from him. If she wouldn't have been given the opportunity to learn kung fu she would have become like Po and been able to master techniques based on simply observing them.

TLDR: Cammy is a great character this fandom is just horrible to female villains

[ferret-not-microwave]

Les Amis Modern AU: What They Wish Others Believed About Them (Part 5)

[I kind of wrote this in response to some general trends in characterising the Amis. There are some stereotypes which I'm not quite comfortable with.]

[Hey, y'all! I'm so sorry for not posting this series for a long time, I was flattened for the past 12 days by COVID-19. We have Cosette and Marius today, and I'm so glad that I am feeling better enough to write about them. Cheerio!]

Cosette:

• Is fed up of being considered dainty, fragile, weak and excessively nice, a bit of a pushover. She is anything but. Living with crappy foster parents don't really let you do that. She can stand up against bullshit with biting sarcasm if necessary. It's just that Cosette doesn't rise to the bait very easily, because she has trained herself to ignore battles which don't need her attention. But that doesn't mean that she needs to be protected all the time.

• Is sick of having to relate her childhood traumas in order to not be judged as being a privileged airhead. Cosette likes buying nice things. She likes fashion, and she has some habits from Catholic school, still. She spends a lot of money on her friends and loved ones. She is sunshiney and injects bougie humour and fun into meetings. That doesn't mean that she knows nothing about the shitty world, and that she doesn't actively try to make ethical choices in her consumer behaviour and social commitments. She really dislikes the "Ohhhhh" moment coming from someone judging her for her privilege when someone tells her story to them. Why presume that people are shitty for no reason, damnit?

• Is sick of being mistaken as straight. On one memorable Pride, she was called "straight passing". She dislikes the term immensely. She thinks that people do not have the liberty to immediately assume that she is heterosexual because Marius is her partner. Similarly, people do not get to assume her sexuality because she presents stereotypically femme.

• She feels insecure and uncomfortable when people fix too much attention on her in relation to someone else, as if to scrutinize her. It happened twice amongst the Amis, once when Marius introduced her as his crush for the first time, and once when they came to know that she and Eponine knew each other since childhood, and that Eponine's parents were her abusive foster parents. She likes it better if she were befriended for being herself.

• She feels a little frustrated that people didn't get her conflicting feelings towards Eponine. People immediately assumed that she forgave and forgot everything Eponine had done or said when they were children, in her "characteristically sweet way". Actually, the first time she saw Eponine, her fear reared its ugly head again and she almost ran out of the Musain. There was much dancing around Eponine (who seemed worn out and super uncomfortable as well) and it is only with Marius and Courfeyrac's help that Cosette could start a conversion with Eponine. She did it not be particularly forgiving (though she eventually forgave her anyway), but because she needed to leave her emotional baggage behind and move on.

• A large part of Cosette's forgiveness towards Eponine was fuelled by the knowledge of Eponine's own abuse at her parents' hands. As someone who had faced quite a bit of the same abuse, she needed to put her foot down. Cosette was extremely angry about it, and her anger made sure that Eponine could separate from her parents faster, and eventually get custody of her siblings.

• She hates, hates, hates it when people remind her that she's lucky to get an adoptive father like Valjean particularly after she has a row with him. Just because her foster parents were shitty doesn't mean that she cannot speak against some of Valjeans imperfections! And children often disagree with their parents. She doesn't need to be dampened with the idea that she should basically think Valjean to be perfect because of her past. She is fiercely loyal to Valjean, and doesn't need anyone to test that.

• Cosette is protective of Marius. No one gets to mow Marius over with judgements and snide comments. In fact, Marius found himself being not so much the butt of jokes anymore after Cosette teaches him to stand up for himself. At the same time, Cosette does not helicopter parent Marius. She does tease him within limits, and does not usually interfere when he has disagreements with the Amis. It is a fine balance which does exhaust her sometimes.

• Cosette can be mischievous, even impish. She can land punches (whether they hurt or not doesn't matter), ace paintball/mudslinging matches, play the best pranks on April Fool's Day and curse like a sailor if needed. She is especially proud of the wide-eyed look she still gets from some of the Amis at her antics. She can also get people out of trouble faster than you can say "bail".

Marius:

• Marius feels scared of being judged. It is really, really difficult to understand your own privilege when you come from a super rich, super bigoted family (read grandfather). He has taken lots of embarrassing knocks and call-outs every day till now, but he is learning, and learning fast. The Amis know, and for them he isn't some peripheral person anymore, but an integral part. But sometimes he wakes up with nightmares of being kicked out as a wokeboi and a fraud by the whole group. He often stumbles over his words because he panics that maybe what he is trying to say is problematic. It takes him months to take any initiative in the Amis because he suffers from imposter syndrome all the time.

• Marius hid all information about his favourites (he loves strawberry rosé macarons and silver needle tea, for instance) because he thought that he would be judged as a rich brat. Funnily, it was Ferre who had figured these out and was the first Amis to give him a small tea chest and a box of macarons as a birthday gift (followed closely by Courf and Jehan with a huge birthday party). It took time for Marius to understand that just because he got a bit panned for his political opinions the first time, it doesn't mean that the Amis hate him.

• Quite unlike popular belief, Marius and Ferre do get along very well. They share a lot of niche interests (poring over etymology dictionaries and having a love of museums and trivia nights). They did discuss that first "to be free" moment, and Marius had placed his request to be given more chances to undo his problematic stances. (There was also another "to be free" moment that had left Ferre stunned, but it's a them thing). It hurts Marius when people immediately think that he's probably annoying Ferre when they hang out.

• Marius is not stupid. Please. The whole idea people have that he is stupid because of his awkwardness and shyness is plain mean at times. No, he doesn't need to be talked to slowly, like talking to a child. Whenever he has the courage, he brings up a lot of valid points in Musain meetings. He is extremely resourceful in handling money and talks with boring rich people, and fundraisers have never been better without him. He is juggling a double Masters degree with internships and volunteer services, and picks up languages at the drop of a hat (including Elvish).

• Marius has also had that dangerous phase when, in a bid to be as radical as possible, he fell into trouble way too many times. Even the most even-tempered of them all (read Jehan) has outright cried in exasperation on finding Marius glaring at a policeman in a protest, promising to burn the place down with a flare if they didn't back off from hitting protestors. Marius has similarly taken punches and hits, and there was a time when Joly would hover around him to administer first aid as quickly as possible. It took Enj and R a whole day to explain to him the merits of self-preservation and that revolution today does not necessarily involve a militant loss of life.

• Marius has also that phase when he drove a college sophomore to tears with his radical speech. Aka attacking the heck out of the kid's problematic Facebook post. Cosette had to give him a talk. Marius is learning about how to be a zealous but kind activist every day.

[melyaliz]

Remember me pt 6

Master List

Fandom: My Hero Academia 

Pairing: Bakugo Katsuki x OC 

Notes: No idea what to say sooooo.... Enjoy? 

All Masterlists @melyalizarchive​

Connect with me! AO3 / Instagram / Pinterest

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-0-0-0-0-0--Bakugou--0-0-0-0-0-

During the last of their three-day stint, Kirishima had joined Bakugou to finish up a few things in their office away from home. After spending the morning in briefings both heroes were grabbing some lunch before heading back to the hotel.  

  The 100-degree weather that had graced the October sky had finally broken and many of the employees of the large building were outside enjoying their lunch in the shade. Just glad to get out of the cramped offices to enjoy some pleasant weather. 

  One of them was the Starbucks girl. 

  “Dude, isn’t that band you like?” Kirishima asked elbowing his best friend in the side, making Bakugou grunt with annoyance. 

He had noticed her when she had come out. Holding a bag and talking to that same guy she had done the presentation with. Today she was dressed in a cute leopard print skirt and a black band tee. The words Gojira sprawled across the front, below it was a black and white image of a large whale leaping up from an ocean. 

  “Yeah” was the simple response as he dug into his chicken burger.  

  “So do you need me to go over and say hi or are you going to actually go over there and talk to her?” Kirishima asked nonchalantly as he took a bite of his food. “Or are you just going to keep checking her out like you have been all week?” 

  Bakugou coughed slightly, eyes wide as a rush of anger came over him. First off, there was no possible way he could have been checking at her all week seeing most of the week he had been miles away dealing with earthquake relief. And second, he was NOT checking her out! 

  “I don’t need your help asking a girl out!” he snapped before grabbing his plate standing up. Sometimes Kirishima’s pushy personality was so annoying. Walking over to the table the young woman was sitting at he sat down

  “Nice shirt” 

  “Do you like Gojira?” she lit up as he spoke to her as she put her phone away. That was a good sign. 

  “Yes.” 

  “Have you seen them in concert?” 

  “Yes.” 

  She nodded, “Me too, it was probably one of the best. It was Knotfest and some guy broke his nose in the mosh pit.” she paused stumbling over her words slightly before looking at him, obviously unsure what the Japanese word would be.

  “Moshpit,” he said nodding 

  “Oh ok, it was a lot of fun.” 

  “You don’t look like the kind of girl to like Metal,” Bakugou said studying her. While he had only seen her around a few times she always seemed very put together. Dressed in bright colors normally very girly looking with her purple ombre and perfect makeup.  She chuckled awkwardly, putting some hair behind her ear. 

  “I don’t listen to it on the regular but the best concerts I have been to are Metal ones. What bands do you like?” 

  “The classes are a good go-to, Metallica, Iron Maiden, even Slayer, but I like Meshugah and Lamb of God too,” he said sandwich forgotten. At the time he hadn’t noticed it but he found talking to her so easy. Her questions always open-ended, giving him a reason to tell her about himself. Something later on he learned to really appreciate. She had a way of really listening to people and asking just the right questions to get what information she wanted. 

  “Oh Lamb of God is insane. They aren’t really as heavy but I have a soft spot for Mastodon.” 

  “Their drummer is pretty good.”

  “Do you play drums?” she asked, cocking her head to one side, catching his comment. 

  “No, I just like songs with good drummers.” 

  “I’m here for a good drum solo” she nodded, “I always wanted to play but I’m also super uncoordinated.” 

  “It’s not that hard,” Bakugou said picking up his sandwich again taking a bite as if he was making some sort of point. 

  “How are you enjoying San Diego?” she asked following his social que and taking a bite of her salad. 

  “Well, I spent most of it in a pit.” 

  “Oh true, well at least you have a few days off, anything planned?” 

   He shook his head trying not to think about the fact that she had noticed him around too. Well, they did have that conversation two days ago at Starbucks.

  “Well I recommend trying a California Burrito or any Mexican because you are here. Beaches are pretty, OH! Actually you and your friend should go to Hodad's, it's kind of a San Diego staple. What do you like to do?” her words coming out in a rush of excitement.  

  He shrugged, “I mostly work and train at home.”

  “There are some nice hikes by the beaches.”

  “You like the beach?” 

  “Yeah why?” she blinked, confused by the sharp question. Trying to think why he would be asking her that. 

  “You keep bringing it up.”

  She giggled shrugging, “The ocean cleanses you. It’s calming. And I’m sure you need to relax after saving the world.”

  “I’m not saving the world just your border.” 

  “Well, it's some people’s worlds you are saving.”   

  “I guess” he shrugged unsure what to say. She was right of course. That was his job. To save people’s lives and in a way their worlds. 

  Another lull and she poked at her salad taking a few bites. It was then he realized he didn’t know her name. Assuming it wasn’t Grape. But he had no idea how to ask.

  “Ground Zero,” she said slowly, “Do you prefer that, or your name?” 

  “You can call me Bakugou.” 

  “Thank you” she paused for a moment, “You can call me Olive.” 

  “I thought it was Grape,” Bakugou said, deciding now that he knew it wasn’t Grape, he could poke a bit of fun at her name and their last encounter. However Olive seemed unphased. 

  “Oh yeah!” she burst out laughing shaking her head, “It’s kind of a joke between me and the Starbucks barista. Every time I go in she comes up with a new food name for me.” 

  “That’s stupid, why not just use your name?” 

  “ Why else does anyone do anything? Because it makes us laugh.” 

     -0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

  Olive had fallen asleep hours ago but Bakugou couldn’t seem to drift off. With her body curled up next to his was just too much. After everything they had been through, knowing how much farther they had to go. All he wanted to do was pull her to him. Kiss her. Feel her around him. Remind her how much he loved her. How he could make her feel. Show her just how much he loved her. 

  It was like his body on was on fire having her that close. 

  He couldn’t take it. 

  Getting up he slowly disappeared from the bedroom going into the personal gym that was on the far right end of the hallway. If he couldn’t sleep at least he could work out. Starting with a low run on the treadmill he placed his headphones in letting the music pound through his ears. Angel of Death by Slayer blasted in his ears as he took to a fast run letting his feet rush forward. Pushing, fighting through whatever burning frustration that was trying to consume him.  

  Control, he just wanted something he could control. 

  He was lifting weights when he felt her presence. Turning he saw her standing in the doorway watching him rubbing her eyes. Arms wrapped around herself, her dark hair messy from sleep. It made his heart skip at the sight. Like some stupid highschool girl. 

  “Why are you up?” she asked blinking owlishly at him.

  “Couldn’t sleep, just go back to bed.” 

  Guilt was written all over her face. She was biting her top lip studying him unsure what to do. He had seen that look before. The one where she was trying to decide to just leave it or force him to open up to her. 

  Letting out a long sigh he sat up wiping away the sweat from his face. “Just go back to bed, I’ll be right there.” 

  “I… ok” she said, slowly walking back to the bed. 

  After a quick shower, Bakugou went back to the bedroom to find Olive sitting up fighting sleep worry still etching on her features. “Oh stop it” he chastised, rubbing his still wet hair with a towel. Throwing it into the basket he crawled up into the bed next to her. She watched him as he settled in before finally speaking.  

  “How… how do we normally sleep?” she asked, determination in her voice. A force of nature. He knew that voice. She wasn’t a pushy person but she was a fighter. She was stubborn in her convictions and would do whatever she could to fix something. When they would fight he would scream and yell and she would just sit there arms crossed until he was done and then ask what needed to change. What needed to be fixed. 

  “You are basically on top of me” he admits knowing she will know if he is lying. Not that he ever would. He wasn’t a liar, and even if he was he could never lie to her. 

  She giggled at that nodding. “Eliott used to say I would chase him around the bed.” she was too tired to try and cover up his name. Dance around it. 

  “Yeah,” Bakugou nodded, laying down on his side. “I don’t mind.” it was more of an invitation. A prayer. He wanted to feel her in his arms again. Feel her legs tangled up in his. They used to end up in the strangest positions all twisted up so in the morning he wasn’t sure where she would begin and where he would end. 

  Scooting up Olive curled up into his chest. Her soft smell filled him. Sweet and clean like the color pink and summertime at the beach. Sugar covered fruit and cool water.  Gently he ran his callus fingertips over her arm. Enjoying the feeling of her smooth skin and for a moment he forgot she didn’t know him anymore. That it was just another late-night cuddle session that he was being (not so) begrudgingly forced into. 

  Bakugou woke up to his alarm going off. Letting out a soft moan he stretched, feeling his wife’s body cuddle closer to him. Her arm draped over his chest. Looking down he couldn’t help but smile running his fingers through her hair letting the dark black and rainbow colors play as they fell onto her back. 

  She stirred at the sound of his alarm mumbling as she reached out feeling his body under her fingers. Letting out a content sigh she pulled herself closer only to then have her hand move slowly up his torso feeling his taut stomach and abs. 

  Letting out a squeak she jumped away, eyes adjusting as she fully woke up. Blinking at him as if looking at a stranger in her bed. 

  Which, -he painfully reminded himself- he was. 

  “Morning,” he grumbled slowly pulling himself out of bed. She watched him for a moment pulling herself together trying to piece together reality from whatever dream she had been waking from. She had never been a morning person. Lilly had jokingly called her Zombie Olive, warning Bakugou that she wouldn’t be fully coherent until at least 2 hours after she woke up. 

  “Morning Katsuki,” she said hesitantly, “did you sleep ok?”

  “Yeah, you?” 

  “I made a few mistakes,” she smiled at him, jumping out of the bed almost tripping over the sheets that were tangled around her feet. He turned fighting back a smile. 

  She was still there. Slowly but surely cracking open. 

  After doing their morning routines the couple reconvened in the kitchen. Bakugou whipping up some eggs with furikake. 

  “So what are your plans for today?” Olive asked, taking a bite of her food watching him as he plated his own breakfast.

  “Just work, I’ll be back late” 

  she nodded, “I’ll probably call Lilly and then read my books,” she flashed him a toothy grin, “I need to know what ideas I have written and what I need to get back into.” 

  “Good luck with that,” he said “I think it was a Western.” 

  “Oh really?” 

  “You don’t talk too much about your stories but you did tell me that.” 

  “Do you read them?” she asked her face slightly flushed at the thought. While she was fine with strangers reading her slutty stories she had always found it hard to have people she knew read them. It was just kind of weird. Like her stories were a different person, not really Olive. Which was why she used a pen name, Delilah Flint.” 

  “Not really,” he wanted to add that he had the real thing. The woman behind the stories was always up for an adventure to try new things. Why would he want to read about some dirty cowboy plowing his soulmate - or whatever - when he could just do it himself? 

  Not that there was a lot of that going on right now though. 

  -0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

  The office was a bit busier than he remembered. 

  “Morning bro, how’s Olive?” Kirishima asked, holding up some files as Bakugou walked into their agency. Well, it was Bakugou’s agency but Kirishima shared it because they worked well together and figured why not. 

  “Not crying,” Bakugou said, “she seemed excited last night to read her stories since she couldn’t remember them, something about reading them for the first time.” 

  Kirishima chuckled, “Maybe we should have her meet Deku again, start that over again.” 

  Bakugou frowned at the memory. They had met at a UA reunion almost year after Bakugou and Olive had started dating. Olive had been drunk and Deku had found it hilarious to poke fun at Bakugou. Telling the first girl Bakugou had ever been interested in, about Bakugou's very angry childhood. Unfouranity for the previous number one hero he didn’t realize that Olive was a mama bear when it came to the people she loved. And even if they were in the wrong no one spoke poorly about them.

  “Oh by the way.” Kirishima said, handing him some files, “We got statements from the police from the robbers. Apparently that third guy… he only spoke English.”

  “What?” 

  “Yeah, the one who hired them only spoke English. I thought it was weird since…”

  “Olive was the only one who lost her memory?” 

  “Her and the guards but theirs was only for a few moments.” Kirishima paused looking at the files that were slowly starting to smoke in his best friend’s hand. “Hey man… uhhh do you want me to take those?” 

  Bakugou felt a rage wash over him. Was this an attack on Olive? There was no way. How would someone even know she was at the mall? There had been a witness who had told the police she had helped a mother and two kids get out before running back to try to help someone else. But that was it. He had just assumed that she had run into the thieves and since they couldn’t lay their hands on her due to her quirk they used a memory wipe. 

 His phone dinged breaking through his thoughts. Turning he noticed that Kirishima was holding the files waving them, the edges singed slightly.  Glancing down at his phone he noticed it was the very woman he was thinking about. 

  Olive: "Hey do you know what my computer password is?" 

  Bakugou: Doley11 

  Olive: You're the best thank you!!!

  He frowned looking down at the phone then shot back another text realizing something. She didn’t know anything, 

  Bakugou: We have an alarm system in the apartment so don't leave I'll show you how to use it when I get back

  "Ok"

  Bakugou: And the stove can get tricky so call me if you need help. 

  Bakugou: Actually my assistant's name is Kygome. 

  Quickly he texted off his assistant's number 

  Bakugou: If you can't figure something outcall her if you can't reach me 

  Bakugou: But text me first 

  Olive looked down at her phone as the slur of texts came pouring in. From the few days, she had known Katsuki she could tell he was a man of words and less emotions (except for annoyance, he seemed to have that in spades)  but… this was kind of cute. He was worried about her. 

  But also what had she done before to warrant this kind of worry? She was a bit of a dumbass, sure, but also-- he needed to relax. 

  Olive: Thank you, I'm in the computer now and lucky me I still label my password doc the same so I should be good as for everything else I'm tough I got this!

  Settling in she pulled up the document titled “Dragon Dick FINAL” this looked promising. started to read. 

  Meanwhile, Bakugou was working with his team about maybe taking a few days off. The thought of leaving Olive alone not knowing anything starting to get to him. He needed to make sure she was safe first. He could work remotely for a few days. Besides if this guy really was after his wife he needed to make sure he kept her close. 

  He had already failed her once. He wasn’t going to do that again. 

-GET TAGGED-

Master List

Story Tag: @0hmydeku @inumorph @it-jinxed-us @myraticm

[guktwt]

dive: extras | 4

→ pairing: jeon jungkook | female reader → genre: fluff → tags/warnings: none!    → word count: 1.1k

→ summary: jungkook brings up plans after graduation. 

dive: extras is a collection of drabbles based on the dive couple. drabbles may be read as stand-alones and in no established order.

collection masterlist 

Today, you trade the familiar walls of the library for a few hours under the clear blue sky and refreshing Spring air. Jungkook had suggested taking your studying outside, saying that spending so much time indoors and under air-conditioned rooms is not exactly the healthiest way spending your days, but you know that’s just an excuse for him to drag you out of the building. He was right about one thing, though. Staying in the library too long felt suffocating. Straining. You got tired even after only two hours of revising and felt like your head was about to explode from all of the material you’ve consumed, so you weren’t exactly in a position to deny Jungkook’s proposition.

Your boyfriend had secured a spot right under a tree at the campus yard. Students loiter around the large open area, some huddled in groups talking and just trying to enjoy the afternoon breeze, while others are sprawled out on the grass with books laid out in front of them like you. But instead of your textbook on your lap, it’s Jungkook’s head using you as a makeshift pillow, your notes and laptop neglected on the side instead.

You should’ve known better than to expect any productivity whenever he’s around, but you can’t even bring yourself to think about your studies anymore. It feels too nice out, so you play with your boyfriend’s hair instead, threading your fingers through his locks just how he likes.

“Do you have any plans after graduation?” Jungkook asks. His hands toy with a flower he had mindlessly picked from the ground.

“I don’t know. Wanna do something that still lets me work with pictures.” You’re trying to keep your options as you look for possible job positions. Freelancing is always an option, but it’s too risky in the sense that there’s no guarantee it’ll give you anything. Frankly, you haven’t thought about it much since your schedule has been so hectic lately. Your mind has been on nothing but assignments, exams, more assignments, and your thesis. “What about you?”

“Coach thinks I should go professional, but I have no clue how much swimmers make a year. And what if it’s not swimming season? What am I supposed to do then?”

“But you love swimming.”

“I do. Just feel like I should keep my options more open. There’s so much I haven’t tried yet. I could try to get into graphic design. Or take up my dad’s offer on working at his tech company. He’d probably love that a lot.”

It’s not often that you hear him sound this doubtful. The everyday Jungkook that everyone knows is nothing short of confidence and perseverance. He might not have his life planned to the detail but he was known for knowing what he’s good at and making the most out of it for his benefit.

“Hey, it’s good that you’re thinking about other factors like wage, but you’ve still got time to experiment. No one’s asking you to make a decision tomorrow. Graduation’s months away and we still have to get through our exams and thesis first. We’ve got time.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Guess I’m just overthinking.”

“Whatever you decided to do you’re gonna be great at it. You’re good at everything.”

“I feel like that’s biased.”

You smile. “It might be, but it’s the truth.”

“What if one of us gets a job somewhere far away? Or, y’know, decide to go overseas for masters.”

It’s also something you’ve been thinking about lately, especially after your supervisor had recommended for you to apply for a job at a company she had worked at for a while after getting her degree. The company is small but growing, and she’s willing to put in a good word for you if you ever decide to work there. The only problem is that it’s located in Busan.

The thought of being separated from Jungkook kills you. You don’t doubt how much you care about him at all, these past few months with him having been the best you’ve ever had despite a tight schedule, and you admit that no boy has ever been in your life the way he has before. It hasn’t even been that long, but Jungkook has managed to make you fall and you fell so damn hard that you’ve forgotten what it’s like to go about your days without him.

“You’re thinking too far ahead.” It’s good that he is. It means that he actually cares about where he’s going to go, cares about what’s going to become of you and him in the future. You admit that it’s a lot to think about and you’re not really in the mood for any of it, so you grab Jungkook’s hand and give it a light squeeze, a means to say I’m here now.

Your boyfriend sighs. “Yeah. Sorry. We still got a long way to go.”

“And you’re stuck with me until the end of it.”

He kisses you softly then, lips barely grazing yours but you’re still left with a tingle. Even after months, being with him makes you feel so light, fuzzy, and warm all over. It hits you then. As Jungkook lays his head back on your lap and starts humming the tune to a song you can’t recognize, a thought sits in the back of your head, something you think you want to tell him but never sure if it’s the right time. The last time you had told a boy you loved him you were seventeen and high on your silly school-girl crush on the school’s captain of the basketball team (you always had a thing for athletes). That was before you truly knew anything, before failed relationships, before sex and meaningless hookups because heartbreaks do heal but never completely.  

“Jungkook,” you start. Your stomach does a flip, already nervous for what’s about to come out of your mouth.

Jungkook stops humming. “Hm?”

Is it too soon? Is he going to say it back? He’s thrown the word around before through text but you know he was just playing around. A simple “i <3 you” before going to bed doesn’t weigh as much if you say those three words to him now, right after you two just had a rather serious topic of conversation for the first time. Just when you think you it together, your words die on the tip of your tongue and you chicken out.

“Nevermind. I forgot what I was going to say.”

Jungkook doesn’t press further. He just grabs your wrist and guides your hand to his head, shutting his eyes when your fingers are on his scalp once again.

He said it himself, you’ve still got a long way to go. Later. You’ll tell him later.

[upinthestarsx3]

Off Limits (m) part 4

Professor!Reader x College Student!Jungkook au

Genre: short series|smut|mostly angst|fluff in future|au

Word count: 3.7k

Warnings: Language and mature content. I guess I should also warn that I love writing stories with no happy endings.

Summary: You’re fresh out of college having just received your masters degree in Math. You begin working at a nearby college and meet your headstrong student, Jungkook. After a drunk hookup; things get complicated.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

‘Are you still not talking to me?’

‘Please don’t ignore me.’

‘Kookie.’

‘Are you going to report me?’

You throw your head down on the kitchen table in frustration, tossing the phone onto

your tiled floor and groaning like a child who was told they couldn’t have chocolate. Why was Jungkook still ignoring you?

You had canceled the rest of last week’s classes, claiming to feel ill when in reality... You couldn’t face Jungkook, not after that day at least.

“What’s wrong? Is your illegal relationship finally catching up to you?” You lift your head to give Gia a cut-eye look. Not this again... Not now.

“It’s not illegal. It’s just...” You trail off, your frown deepening as you take in Gia’s empty facial expression.

She stays quiet for a moment- you can tell she’s thinking of something.

“Look Gia-“ you begin,

“I think you should move out.” She cuts you off, her eyes casting downwards as they begin to water.

“W-What? You want me... to leave?”

“I tried to accept this y/n, I really tried. But every time I think about you two, I think of our freshman year of high school and I-“

“Gia...” you gasp, tears falling from your eyes as you dwell about the comparison she made.

“I am nothing like him!” Your voice booms through the house, the defensiveness in your tone is threatening, but Gia doesn’t budge.

“Really? Because it’s the exact situation.” She snaps back, veins bulging from her neck with her hands held in tight fists by her side.

“You were 14! Jungkook is-“

“YOUR STUDENT!” She explodes. You both stand there in silence, your tense shoulders finally relaxing as you realize this was not something you think could ever be fixed.

“I think I should go.” You whisper, your eyes unable to meet hers as you grab your work bag. You continue,

“I’ll pick up my things after my classes finish, is that okay?” She simply nods her head, turning away to leave the kitchen as she closes the door to her bedroom.

By the time you arrive on campus your makeup is ruined from the tears you were finally able to let out once you were out of the apartment- Gia’s apartment, the place that you called home for years. You pull out your makeup bag and begin doing your best to fix the mess that stares back at you in your reflection. Suddenly a loud knock at your window makes you jump.

“Jesus, Jungkook! You scared me!” You grunt, rubbing the area on your head that you hit on the roof of your car.

“All of those messages and you couldn’t even bother to tell me that you miss me?” He mumbles under his breath. His eyes staring deeply into yours, a look of admiration with a dash of anger.

“I’m sorry.”

“No you aren’t. You’re just worried that I’ll tell.” He rolls his eyes.

“Jungkook, I really don’t need this right now, okay?” His eyes soften when he hears the tremble in your voice. His hand slide their way into your opened window as he tilts your head upwards to get a closer look at you.

“Why were you crying?” He asks, wearing a small pout.

“I’m just stressed out.” You let out a sniffle, trying so hard to hold in tears; but when Jungkook softly rubs your cheek, you lean into his touch and let the tears flow freely. He slowly walks to the other side of your car and you feel it dip with his weight as he sits in the seat next to you.

“Come here.” He coos, pulling you into his arms as he places a hand on your back and the other on the back of your head, embracing you in a tight hug.

“Gia kicked me out.” You whined, wishing Jungkook didn’t have to see you ugly cry like this. You hear him sigh, but he says nothing, so you continue,

“She kicked me out and she thinks I’m some sort of pedophile. She’s comparing me to a man she dated in high school. He took advantage of her! I- I-“

“Shhh. It’s okay, baby.” Your breathing seemed to ease once you heard the nickname he loved calling you.

“So you’re not mad at me about what I said last week?”

“Well.. I’m hurt but I’m not angry. I’m sorry I expected so much this early on. Hey, um... You can stay with me for a bit? If you want?” He suggested.

You simply glared at him in return, “Yeah that would be great! ‘Hi Mr. Jeon! Thank you for letting me stay here, I am also fucking your son.’ Does that seem like a good idea to you?” You snap.

“I live alone, asshole.” He snarled while flashing a small smile.

“Oh. I didn’t know.” To say you felt like an ass was an understatement.

He smirks,“There’s a lot you don’t know about me,” Leaning in to kiss you, but you push at his chest.

“We’re on campus, Kookie.” You scold, grabbing your work bag from the back seat before getting out of your car with Jungkook following.

“Will you take me up on my offer?” He pushes further,

“I don’t know. I really have a lot to think about. I’ll see you at noon? In class?” You question.

“Sure, babe.” He replies smoothly, turning his back to you, and leaving you stranded with your dreadful thoughts.

Your classes surprisingly went by fairly quickly today, you quietly sat and ate your fruit salad while you waited for the last class of the day to start- your favorite class with your favorite student.

“Good morning, Professor. Hope your feeling better.” Jimin is the first to walk in, throwing you a wink after his comment. You bite back a comeback and give him a forced smile.

“I am, thanks.” You simply tell him.

“Where is Jungkook?” He asks again, and your eyes bulge out at him.

“How would I know? Actually, don’t answer that.”

He gives you a weird look but he stays quiet nonetheless, once he sees the other students begin flood in.

“Okay, everyone. It’s been a while! I’m feeling great, let’s get to work.” You smile.

As the class begins their assignment quietly, you hear Jungkook ask,

“Professor, can you help me with this problem please?” You roll your eyes and walk over to the side of his desk, only to see that he is already finished with the assignment.

“What do you need help with, Jungkook?”

“Number two, can you just look over it please?” You give him an odd look, but you lean in further and begin explaining the method anyway. A few seconds later you feel his hand slide to the back of your leg and then between your thighs. You swat his hand away and he simply lets out a deep chuckle,

“Thanks professor.” He yells to you as you march your way back to the front of the class.

“Okay, guys! Leave your assignment on my desk before you leave, I’ll post the homework online tonight!” You smile as they all begin leaving.

“Finally.” You let out a deep breath.

“Let’s go.” You hear a voice demand, your eyes snap open and you look up to Jungkook who is leaning over your chair.

“Go where, Jungkook?”

“What happened to Kookie?” He laughs.

“Go where?” You ask again, getting annoyed at his repetitive questions.

“Let’s go pick up your stuff from Gia’s.” He tugs on your hand and pulls you up from your chair.

“Oh. I forgot about that.” You try to let out a chuckle, but he could tell you were hurt.

“It’s okay. You’re okay, y/n. You don’t have to do this by yourself.” He whispers with a soothing voice that makes you feel a little bit better about the situation.

When you arrive, you see that Gia’s car is gone.

“Thank goodness, she should be at work by now.” You sighed.

You unlock the door to the apartment and see that your things are already packed. You feel your blood instantly boil.

“Is she fucking serious? She went through my room and packed all of my stuff herself?” You lash out. Jungkook looks as though he wants to say something but for once- he has nothing to say, he’s not sure what he could say in a situation like this; especially since he is in the middle of you and Gia’s falling out.

“I’m sorry.” He offers, you look at him and your eyes soften; you realize how awkward he must be feeling.

“Don’t be. Come on, let’s grab these boxes and go.”

You grab the last box from the counter and your eyes scan a note on the counter that read your name. You open it and see that it’s from Gia, you expected to see a goodbye, or an I love you, at least; but it read ‘please leave the keys on the table’. Jungkook takes the note from your hand and crumbles it, moving behind you to give you a hug,

“Let’s go home.” He whispers, leaving a small kiss on your neck.

When you arrive to Jungkook’s place; you’re shocked. He lives in a luxurious building with a doorman, with people that go to your apartment to clean your home, and there’s even a pool and a gym inside.

You wonder what he thought of when he went to your place- your old place, with the broken front door and old chipped paint in the hallway, no doorman either, but maybe a homeless man that would sleep on the porch from time to time.

“This is a lot.” You tell him shyly,

“In a good way?” He questions with a confused look.

“Oh yeah, it’s just, I’m not used to this fancy way of living.”

“Well, get used to it. I hope you’ll stay here with me for a while.” He gushed, opening the door to his apartment and showing you around. You followed like a lost puppy, consumed by the beauty of his place. You didn’t bother asking how he could afford it- especially knowing who is dad is.

“Hey, look.” He pulls you towards the bedroom,

“I made room in the closet, drawers and the bathroom for your stuff. I mean, it might be better if you unpack, right? If you want to, you don’t have to! I just figured-“ he’s rambling, you cut him off with a kiss.

“Thank you, Jungkook. But I really don’t want to intrude; and I don’t want to move too fast either. This won’t be permanent.” You admit. His shoulders drop a bit, but he nods his head anyway. You speak up again,

“I’m going to go in the shower, I’ll be out in a minute okay? Maybe I can cook something if you’re hungry?” You ask as you make your way to the bathroom.

Once you turn on the hot water- you get into the shower and slide down the marbled tiles until you’re on the floor, just sitting while the water washes over you. You can’t seem to stop all the racing thoughts that filled your head, so much has happened in such a short time. You weren’t used to change- you hated change! What were you doing? You’re naked in the bathroom of a man you’ll be teaching tomorrow afternoon.

You weren’t sure when your sobs became loud, or when your rigid breathing triggered a full blown panic attack. You couldn’t scream for help if you wanted to, it was as if your body wouldn’t allow it. But you didn’t need to; within seconds Jungkook climbed into the shower behind you, he was fully clothed but he didn’t care.

“I’m sorry.” You gasp, still panting and crying.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. Come here.” He pulled you close to him, turning off the shower and throwing your towel over you while the two of you just lied there. He rubbed your back until the sobs finally stopped. There was so much you were confused about- but choosing to give Jungkook a chance was not one of them.

“You’re too good for me, Kookie.” You mumble.

“What? Nonsense. You’re perfect.”

“I have baggage. Too much of it. You deserve to be with someone younger and-“

“You’re 26, y/n.” He laughed, “Stop being dramatic.”

“But I feel 45!” You snapped back, the two of you filling the room with loud giggles as you toss around playful insults to one another.

“Okay, babe. You finish up here and I’ll order takeout.” He says, leaving a kiss on your damp forehead and jumping out of the shower as he groans about his wet clothes.

You leave the bathroom 15 minutes later feeling better than you felt the entire day.

“Are you okay?” You ask, Jungkook. Running your hands through his hair as he whines about his photography class.

“I’m not okay, actually.” He cries out dramatically before going on a rant, “I’m supposed to be capturing photos of things that I find meaningful, I’ve tried trees, flowers, places in my house- like aesthetics, you know? And I can’t get anything good. It’s a huge grade and not to sound cocky- but I’m a big deal in that class and I want to keep that standard.” He finally finishes, it takes you a few seconds to reply- you just stare at him adoringly. It was so refreshing that he was still that same know it all college kid that loved doing well.

“Well? What do you say?” You hear Jungkook

Speak up.

You smile at him, “What?”

“You’re meaningful to me.. Can I use you? No face, I promise.”

Your eyes widen a bit, “I don’t think so-“ You cut yourself off when you see his puppy face.

“Fine!” You belt. Taking off your robe to change into actual clothes.

“No! I mean, leave the robe on please. I have an idea.” He pleads.

You eye him for a moment, but you can’t seem to tell him no. He walks in front you, moving you to the bed to get you into position.

His fingers cup your cheek as he stares at you for a moment- he always does this, it made you feel loved, adored even. Something you haven’t felt in a while.

“Okay, do whatever feels comfortable.” He finally whispers. He moves around the bed, grabbing his camera and pointing it in your direction.

You slide off the robe and let it slip past your back, tilting your head slightly to ask,

“Is this okay?” You wonder, your back still facing him while he snaps photos.

“It’s perfect, baby.”

There was something so pure about this moment. It wasn’t sexy- it was art. The way he constantly positioned our body, turned your head in the direction he wanted it in, and how he praised you throughout the shoot, knowing how shy you must have felt.

You hear him place his camera on the desk as he crawls onto the bed behind you.

“You were great.” You just smile and lean your back into his chest. He slowly grabs your robe, pulling it off of your body so your bare.

He speaks up once more, “I adore you, you know that?” You nod your head and suck in a deep breath as he leaves kisses on your neck and shoulder. His hands travel to your breast as he rubs them, pinching your nipples as he gently nibbles on your ear. Suddenly he’s lifting you to the other side of the bed, resting you right on top of him so you’re sitting directly on his growing bulge. He throws your legs over his and spreads them, it’s not until then that you notice you’re in front of a mirror.

“Jungkook-“

“Shh.” One hand holding you down by your stomach and the other slowly rubbing your thighs as he begins grinding up against you.

“Jungkook.” You repeat, but it comes out as a gasp. He rests his head over your shoulder and looks into the mirror, holding your eye contact as he brings his fingers to your wet folds, sliding them up and down as you shake and squirm.

“Look at you. You are so sexy.” He moans, placing two fingers on your clit; rubbing it slowly, savoring the moment while he leaves love bites anywhere his mouth could reach. His moans get louder each time you grind against him.

“What do you want?”

“Finger me.” You tell him bluntly, his eyebrows lift up for a second,

“Will do.” He purred, slipping three fingers into you and pumping them in and out slowly.

Growing frustrated you groan, “Faster, Kookie.”

“Not until I see you see you rub your clit for me.” He watches your reflection as you reach down and begin touching yourself.

When he doesn’t move faster you beg, “Ugh. Faster, Kookie.” He nods and roughly shoves his fingers in and out of you and you continue to grind on him until he can’t take it anymore,

“Fuck it.” He pants, lifting you up to unbuckle his jeans and tugging them to his ankle, allowing you to finish pulling them off all the way. He settles you back on him so that his cock is rubbing against your pussy. You place your hand over his throbbing tip to put more friction on your clit, skillfully rubbing yourself onto him.

“Does that feel okay?” You ask him, he moans even louder and that was a sign of approval to you.

He moves until he’s lined up with your entrance- he doesn’t slide in just yet, he just continues circling the area.

“May I?”

“You may.” And with that he slams into you, you inhale a deep breath and start moving with him, turning your head towards his to kiss him.

“So good, baby. Keep riding my cock.” He continues to praise you. This goes on for a while and you can feel your legs begin to give you. He swiftly flips the two of you so that you’re down on all four with an arched back as he slides back into your heat. His hands stay on your hips, moving to your back from time to time to push it back down each time you tried to lift it.

“F-fuck.” You moan loudly, moving away when the pleasure became too much, but he pulled you back each time.

“Don’t run. Take it.” He demands, grabbing a fist full of your hair and going impossibly faster.

“I’m gonna cum. I-fuck, I’m cumming.” You yelp loudly and it’s the only sound in the room aside from your heavy breathing and the loud clapping from Jungkook fucking you.

He wraps his arms around you, placing the upper half of his body on your back while he continues to hump you, and you can tell that he’s cumming too.

“Oh my God.” You chuckle, still winded as you and Jungkook lie back on the bed after cleaning each other up.

It’s quiet for a while; the two of you just enjoying each other’s company before he conversed,

“You know, I think I- actually, never mind.”

“No, no, no. You already started, now you have to finish!” You hissed.

He let out a laugh and pulled you so that you were lying on his chest,

“Fine. I was going to say that you, um, you make me really happy. And I know that you probably don’t feel as strongly for me as I do for you but I feel like I could picture us getting serious.”

You think for a moment about how exactly you should respond, “I feel the same way, Kookie; and that’s what scares me.” You feel him stiffen a bit at your confession,

“Scare you how?”

“Scare me as in I don’t want to lose everything I’ve worked so hard for.”

“How about we skip the ‘I won’t risk anything for you’ talk, okay?” He cautioned.

“Jungkook, be quiet. What I meant to say, was that I really like you- and I know it won’t end well. What happened with Gia was a warning.” Before he can reply, you both hear the door bell ring,

“About fucking time! Our food is here.” He cheers, looking for his pants before he answers the door,

You push him back on the bed with a laugh and tell him, “I’ll get it, don’t worry.”

You walk to the door, and when you open it there is a middle age woman standing there with no food in either hand.

“Are you the delivery driver?” You question.

She creases her eyebrows as she steps back to take another look at the apartment number on the door,

“Oh sorry, I guess I have the wrong door, I was looking for my son.”

Just then, Jungkook emerges from the room,

“Was it the food, babe?” He asks from behind you before his eyes widen and he continues,

“Mom?”

A/N: I suck at updating. To those that are reading, thanks for being patient.

Part 5 | Part 6

[edenfalling]

[Fic] “Frog Hunt” -- Homestuck

Summary: SBURB is not turning out anything like you'd hoped, and your game session may be broken. Which is a problem, because you can't go back to Earth -- last you checked, it's busy being an apocalyptic wasteland -- and judging by your most recent dreams, the rest of the Medium beyond your little Incipisphere is an equally apocalyptic wasteland of ghosts and horrorterrors. The only way out is through. You have to win the game.

Winning SBURB requires frogs.

Note: I started this fic way back in 2012, hit Jade's horrorterror dreams, and had no idea where to go from there. Last week it occurred to me that actually the horrorterror dreams made a perfectly reasonable ending, provided I filled in a missing middle scene, established an emotional/thematic through-line, and tweaked stuff until the new parts played nice with the old ones. So I did. :) [2,325 words]

--------------------------------------------- Frog Hunt ---------------------------------------------

SBURB is not turning out anything like you'd hoped. You wanted to see your friends in person, go on cool adventures, and save the world. You guess technically the cool adventure part is happening? But it turns out that being in the middle of an adventure is mostly very upsetting and dangerous.

Also your game session may be broken. Which is a problem, because you can't go back to Earth -- last you checked, it's busy being an apocalyptic wasteland -- and judging by your most recent dreams, the rest of the Medium beyond your little Incipisphere is an equally apocalyptic wasteland of ghosts and horrorterrors. The only way out is through. You have to win the game.

Winning SBURB requires frogs.

You have a lot of pointed questions to ask whoever designed the symbolism behind this process.

You also have no idea what you're doing. Zoology is not your thing! Botany and rocket science are your things!

But you've done crazier things in the name of friendship than breed magic universe-creating frogs. And this time you'll have Dave by your side, even if all he can help you can do is win the Olympic gold medal for synchronized flipping out, which might as well be a thing now since Earth is gone and if anyone ever reestablishes the Olympics it will be you and you can stick in any sports you feel like.

That analogy may have gotten away from you a little. You decide to preemptively consider it Dave's fault, and send him another message asking for an ETA.

"Kanaya says we won't have enough time to collect all the frogs, let alone raise them and do the breeding and mutation stuff. Not even if we yank Rose and John into the project, and especially not with just you and me," you tell him when he shows up in person, popping out of nowhere with two discs floating at his side. They look a little like Grandpa's old vinyl records, but with red gears turning underneath them. "Not that you aren't helpful! But there's only so many seconds until disaster."

Dave arches the backs of his hands, fingertips still ghosting over the ridges of his floating record thingies. "Harley, c'mon, work with me here. What's my aspect?"

You blink. Oh. Time travel, durr. Okay, possibly your flipping out was a little premature. "Whoops, forgot that! Potentially infinite seconds, yay recycling. So how are we doing this?"

Dave shrugs, letting the records vanish back into his sylladex. "We have limited absolute time, basically from when I got your house up to reasonable height to, let's say, an hour before whatever runs us off the rails goes critical. So we have to maximize our use of space -- duplicate this ectobiowhatthefuck setup and run an assload of slime zapper tadpole tanks at once. I'm thinking one on each of the top ten floors of your house. We'll do one floor on each master loop so we don't keep running into each other. Mark the space and time coordinates for each croaker we target, then head out to poke them or whatever literally the second after we zap them, take notes on any other frogs that look useful, and move down a floor and back in time to start again."

"What about breeding?" you ask.

You think Dave frowns. It's hard to read his expression behind his shades, but he doesn't guard his posture as much as his face. "Whoops, forgot that. Uh, let's say every third floor and third loop is for breeding and mutation games. Shouldn't be too hard, especially if we whip up a regular appearifier. They don't have these bullshit temporal lock restrictions."

"Sounds like a plan," you say. "Let's get everything set up and start breeding!"

Dave's discombobulated expression is so faint and brief that if you'd blinked, you would have missed it. Hmmm, you think to yourself. Maybe...? But no, you probably just reminded him of something one of the trolls said. They can be so bizarre sometimes.

"Time to rock and roll," Dave says, and you shake off your daydream and get to work.

---------------

It turns out that ectobiology is actually very simple! You don't need to know genetics or metaphysical zoology, which you were a little worried about. You just need to zap frogs and run their ghost slime through the game-provided machines until you hit a gene combination that pings a little automated reward mechanism. Scanning for useful frogs is a little trickier, since you get the reward ping for any potentially useful gene sequence even if it's one you already have on file -- you have to weed out the duplicates manually, which is time-consuming and a total pain.

Creating hundreds of potential paradoxes to make sure the appearifier grabs slime instead of actual frogs is also time-consuming and a total pain.

It would be simplest to just shoot the frogs, but first of all, that's mean, and second of all, it would probably screw up LOFAF's ecology to storm around wiping out its native fauna less than an hour after thawing them out in the first place. If you had a dart gun you could trust not to mangle the frogs on impact, maybe you could stun them for a few minutes. Unfortunately, all of Grandpa's guns (and by extension, all of your guns) are designed to shoot projectiles straight through solid objects and totally fuck up their day. Which means that instead of perching in a tree like a cool and sexy sniper, you are galumphing around on the ground, hot and sticky and covered in a gross combination of mud and panicked frog secretions. Ugh.

"I look like a swamp zombie, don't I?" you say before you can think better of the words.

"Yeah, but in a cute monster-girl way," Dave says. "I'm just a scarecrow that got left out in the rain and turned into a mold sculpture."

You look over at him just as a clump of mud and moss slides down the left lens of his shades. "Um. No comment." You are determinedly not noticing that he said you're cute. Nope. Completely thought-free zone over here, nothing but genetics and logistics, which everyone knows require no brain power at all.

Dave shakes his head in faux solemnity. "Tragic. Faced with the death and destruction of my awesome good looks and you can't even dredge up a "That's sad"? I am betrayed. I am devastated. I am--"

"--still cute underneath the glop, stop fishing for compliments," you interrupt, and are furiously grateful for the mud hiding your blush. Stupid Dave and his stupid... everything. Why do you even like him? He's such a butt.

Of course, all your friends are kind of jerks. Possibly there's something miscalibrated about your friend-finding radar. Or possibly you're also a jerk? Hmm. That's something to ask Rose about, whenever you finally get to see in her person.

You will get to see her in person. You refuse to acknowledge any other possibility.

"Ouch," Dave says, but the corner of his mouth quirks up just a degree. "Damned by faint praise. I guess I'd better step up my frog-napping skills, can't let my dashing good looks outweigh my knightly swag. Speaking of which, have we been standing still long enough for that little orange fucker to stick his head out?"

You glance around, then down, then up. There's a tiny flash of color just over-- you shift slightly-- yep, right there on the tree by Dave's shoulder. "Um. Yeah. Just... keep standing still. Really still."

"Making like a tree, yes ma'am Sergeant Harley ma'am," Dave says as you inch slowly toward him through the muck between the tree roots. "It's right behind me, isn't it? Getting all ready for a jump scare, gonna leap out and poison me to death with its slimy frog toes, alas, Horatio, here dies a fellow of infinite memes, taken from us too--"

You lunge.

You catch the frog.

You also knock yourself and Dave flat into the muck. His shades knock into your forehead. Your own glasses skew against his nose. Your left knee is jammed between his shins and his belt buckle is digging into your stomach.

Your mouth is right up against his chin. If you moved just an inch or two...

"Ooh, Miz Harley," Dave says, somewhat breathless.

"Oh, shut up," you say, and shove the frog into your sylladex as you scramble back to your feet. "Look who's talking, Mister Swamp Thing."

Then you bend down to yank Dave up, too, because fair is fair.

---------------

By the fourth loop you're ready to drop from exhaustion and the weird, indefinable tension of actually being around one of your friends in person instead of getting to mediate your interactions through computers. "I don't care how tight the schedule is. I'm starting to see double and I'm taking a goddamn nap," you tell Dave as you drop to the floor and lean back against the wall. You lay your rifle across your lap and keep your hands carefully away from the trigger. You know your temper sharpens when you're tired, and Grandpa taught you never to take chances with guns.

Dave frowns, and you know he's tired too because this time you can see his mouth curve downward to match the annoyed set of his shoulders and the fuck-you shove of his hands into his pockets. "The more loops we run, the harder it is to keep shit from falling apart," he says. "You that eager to trip into a doomed timeline? I can go back and hit reset anytime, easy as cake and pie and banana splits, but every screwup costs one dead Dave and one Jade abandoned in a dead-end universe. I don't even know if that you would get erased or keep on living until you go shithive maggots."

He's been talking to the trolls too, you remember, especially the teal one who uses l33tsp34k. He says her name is Terezi. She's been running time loops with him too. He likes her a lot.

You are not jealous. That would be stupid. You are not stupid; therefore you are not jealous. QED.

"The more tired we are, the harder it is to keep from screwing up," you say. "We're creating a whole new universe and we'll have to live there after we win the game. It's kind of important, Dave!"

Dave presses his back against the wall and slides down to join you on the hard tile floor. "We're not gonna win the game, you know. There is literally no way to do that. The game was borked from before the word go was a twinkle in its druggie teen mom's eye."

"Maybe this session's broken," you agree. "But that doesn't mean we can't find a way to cheat, and even if we lose, I'd rather lose trying my hardest instead of half-assing shit because I was so tired I fell asleep while operating complicated machines."

Dave sighs. "Yeah, okay. Naptime. But not here. This is a work floor; we've gotta keep it clear for work loops. We'll go crash further down." He taps your shoe with his own. "Up and at 'em, Harley, let's go hit that transportalizer."

You groan and haul yourself to your feet.

The obvious place for a nap would be your bedroom, but then where would you sleep on the next loop? Anyway, you only have one bed and it'd feel... presumptuous? pushy? maybe just go with awkward. Yeah. It would be awkward to share it with Dave, especially without John and Rose there as well to clarify that it's strictly a friend thing.

So you alchemize an armful of blankets and pillows and make a little nest in one of the hundreds of blank, identical stories Dave copied from the real-world part of your house. It's still a little weird sharing the space -- Dave is so close you can feel him breathe, every exhale stirring stray wisps of hair over your ears -- but you think you could get used to this.

You think maybe you want to get used to this.

"Sweet dreams, Jade," Dave mutters as he flops over onto his side, one hand curled loosely around the hilt of his sword.

"You too," you tell him, before you remember he's just going to wake up on Derse as his dreamself, still stuck in this stupid, lying, Möbius tangle of a game. And you're going back to those weird bubbles in the monster-filled void. Neither of you can get free until you finish Frankensteining your magic frog and beat an unwinnable game.

"Heroes always beat million to one odds in stories," you say to nobody in particular. "Why not us?"

Dave mumbles something unintelligible in response, already mostly asleep.

You wiggle sideways until your shoulder brushes up against his, so the warmth of his body radiates through the thin blanket onto you and your warmth feeds back into him. He's alive. You're both alive. Somewhere else in the Incipisphere, John and Rose are (you hope) also still alive.

You would do anything to make sure your friends make it out of SBURB, to a new world safe from meteors and monsters and predestination. Anything.

You dream of bloody, mangled ghosts, groping desperately toward you for salvation while you stand frozen under the horrorterrors' incomprehensible regard.

In the dream, you imagine yourself reaching for Dave's hand. You imagine him weaving his fingers between yours. You imagine Rose and John standing beside you. You imagine all four of you stepping through a door into a new universe.

If you imagine something with all your heart, that makes it a tiny bit less fake, and being less fake means it's at least a little bit real.

The pressure of the horrorterrors' attention attenuates, just that vital fraction.

You turn away from the ghosts and think of frogs.

---------------------------------------------

End of Fic

---------------------------------------------

If anyone has constructive commentary, I am all ears! Also I am going to bed soon, because being awake is overrated and also I took a Benadryl in order to eat a BLT for dinner, so, you know, probably better to lie down than to slowly drift off in front of my computer. *wry*

[careerbitespod]

Bonus Episode Transcript: My Story with Host, Rachael Barksdale

Rachael Barksdale: We are just about halfway through the first season of Career Bites, and I have learned so much from all our guests so far. And I think that in my haste to share these amazing stories with you all, I forgot to share my own story - the story behind this podcast. I’m not a career coach or counselor. But my first-hand experience with the ups and downs of navigating the career world is the inspiration behind this project, and I’d like to share a little of my journey with all of you.

I started out with a love of science as a kid. I mean, ever since I was little. My dad was a doctor and my brothers and I, we’d just read tons and tons of books on dinosaurs and science, and we’d have these really nerdy conversations at the dinner table about all kinds of things. In school, I was lucky enough to have a really good public-school education but I had science teachers who were particularly excited about what they were teaching. Especially my high school biology teacher, I had him for introductory biology but also for AP Biology as a senior. And pretty much since then I was thinking “you know what? I’m going to go to college to major in genetics and I’m going to be that person that cures cancer or ends world hunger by creating genetically-modified crops that are going to be drought tolerant and can grow anywhere”. I had all these really big research dreams. So I decided to go to Brigham Young University which is in Provo, Utah. They have a Genetics and Biotechnology program. Granted, it’s a church school - so I’m a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints - and that was a big factor in my decision to go. But at the same time, I - I did some other research as well and BYU is known for having a lot of undergraduate research opportunities. And again, my big thing was “I want to do research”. So that’s perfect! I can get my hands wet early, that’s - that’s really what I wanted. So my sophomore year I took what’s called the mentored lab techniques class. I became the TA for that class after the semester was over: I did well enough and the current TA was moving on to greener pastures, so I became the TA. And that then allowed me to become a research assistant for a semester for the same professor who I was TA-ing for. And I quickly came to realize that I absolutely loathe doing research. I thought that my reticence to do some of those techniques and sort of that imposter syndrome that I was feeling when I was in the lab was just me, and that time and experience would mitigate that, but I came to realize that actually going through the scientific method and slogging through some of those day-to-day things that go along with research - I couldn’t stand it. And it wasn’t until I actually did it that I realized that. So at this point I am now pretty much done with my degree. I’m starting my senior year, I’m asking myself “well what do I do now?” Right? I have this degree that, unless I get my masters and my PhD, is completely useless. So, again, at the time I was a teacher’s assistant for the mentored lab techniques class. And while I didn’t really enjoy the technical side of it, you know, having to do some of the behind-the-scenes prep work, I absolutely loved working with the students. And I went to an advisor for the education department - the science education department specifically - and talked to her about my options as far as teaching. Right? Those who can’t do, teach. Why not those who don’t want to do or hate what they do, teach? I enrolled in a post-baccalaureate program to get my teaching license. It was a non-degree-seeking program. Essentially it allowed me to get through all of my education classes and do my student teaching as a way to get the licensure for the state without having to get a degree from the school. And so I have a bachelor's degree in Genetics and Biotechnology - I just finished it up - got my teaching license and then soon after moved to the state of Washington so that my husband could do his graduate school. So I get into my first year as a teacher - it was fantastic, I couldn’t have asked for a better school. It was really time consuming - when I was getting my post-baccalaureate classes out of the way, I had a teacher who told me, told our classes over and over again that “nothing will ever prepare you for your first year of teaching”. And I found that to be true. As much as I felt prepared after student teaching, being by yourself in a classroom in charge of 100, 150 students, especially young’uns like middle school kids, it’s nerve wracking and you spend a lot of time outside of class doing extra work to make sure that you’re prepared every day. But I felt like I was supported. And when the end of the year came around - so some context, I was essentially a long-term substitute - so the school had another position for a science teacher open up. So I applied for the job, I got an interview, and I was interviewing against a different...not student teacher, but sort of interim teacher like myself who was also in the life sciences department at that school. And it turns out that I did not get the job, the other teacher got the job. And I was crushed. I thought that I was doing well at the school, I kind of felt like “this - this was it”, you know, I was - I found a great place to work. I felt like a little bit of a failure. But it all worked out. I ended up getting a position at Rogers High School in Spokane, Washington. So I basically started all over again when I got to Rogers High School. It was my second year teaching, but it felt like my first year: I was in a new school, I was in a new district, I was in a new tier of the K-12 system - high school. So again, a lot of work, a lot of extra time. I was super burned out. I had done essentially two first-years of teaching in a row. And then, my husband gets a job in North Carolina, so I move again. New school, new district, fortunately still biology, high school, but now I was teaching AP Biology as well - which was a huge dream of mine. So it was a lot, again, three years in a row, completely burned out. And so I’m starting to look for other jobs and I’m wondering “what the heck do I do?” Unfortunately - and if you listened to the first episode of this podcast Tia goes into this and explains it - essentially you’re pigeonholed as a teacher on a resume, on paper. Employers see “teacher” on a resume and they kind of just think about “you work with kids” and then whatever preconceptions go along with that. Or they just think you can only educate, you don’t have any other soft skills that would make you at all desirable for a different type of job. And as much as I love teaching - it wasn’t so much the burnout - I loved teaching and I still do. I think working with students and seeing that lightbulb go off and being able to communicate what you love in such a way that other people learn to love it too, it means a lot. And it’s so fulfilling. But I wanted more opportunities. As a teacher, there’s not a whole lot of what we call traditional career advancement. And so, then enter my masters degree. I decided to get my Masters in Instructional Technology. I think my goal was to make myself look better on paper, being able to illustrate that yes, I have these education skills, I have these classroom skills, but I also can do something with that beyond being in a classroom, beyond children. And that helped me to land my gig at Carolina Distance Learning where I’m a Distance Learning Specialist. So you can kind of see how that all ties together with my Masters in Instructional Technology, online learning and then this whole idea of distance learning. But I’m a little bit in limbo. Part of that involves the fact that because I have moved again out of state, so I’m not in North Carolina anymore I am now in Idaho, so my degree’s up in the air as well. I don’t know what finishing my degree will look like, or what the timeline is going to be. I don’t also know what - how being a mom is going to fit into all of this. About a year ago I had my son Ashton, and I’d like to have more children but, again, I also want to have this career - I want to have it all. How - how do we do that? And - and - that’s a whole other story, I would love to get more into career and motherhood but...Thinking back on my career, then, in hindsight there’s a lot of good things that came out of my winding career path. And I don’t think I would have changed it for anything. So in hindsight, for example, my major: you might think “oh well, you know, you - you probably could have gotten a different degree. What if you have just gone into getting your Bachelor of Science in Biology Education and gone straight to that?” which would have been a lot easier. But in hindsight, I met my husband through the Genetics and Biotechnology degree program. He also got his degree in Genetics and Biotechnology. And then another reason why my major came in handy was I learned from my mentor teacher at my first teaching gig that the reason why he fought so hard for me to get the position that summer when they were interviewing candidates - even though I was brand new and there were other candidates that had a few more years of teaching under their belt - he fought for me because I had a, not a teaching degree, but I had an industry specific degree. I had a degree in genetics and I happened to have a teaching license. I was not a teacher first, I was a scientist first, in his mind. And so that was the reason why I got the job, I learned afterwards. So, we don’t really know where life is going to take us, and we don’t know maybe why the path that we take is so winding, but there’s - there’s always things - good things - that can come out of it. Another example is, I took that job to be a TA for the mentored lab techniques class essentially as a way to get a better job. I was currently working for special events at the university so I would do things like scan tickets and stand by the gates at the stadium during football games and basketball games. I was that poor, poor person wearing the really big, puffy orange coat that said “events” on the back. I wanted a more sophisticated job as a college student and so I took the TA job. And that ended up leading me to fall in love with teaching. It...if you had asked me if I wanted to become a teacher in high school, I would have laughed. I was deathly afraid of public speaking, let alone standing in front of a room of a finite number of people and explaining something, and coming up with activities, and trying to manage unruly behavior in a classroom...I - I even had a horrible experience tutoring in high school. I...was not a very good person, in that moment, and, sort of, ruined this relationship I had with someone I was tutoring for Spanish. And that kind of still haunts me to this day, but it just goes to show that I had no inclination to teach, when I was younger, but by the time I reached college I had had enough of these, arguably, you know, serendipitous, events collide to lead me to become a teacher. And that’s kind of where this podcast came from. It’s - I’m realizing now it’s been several years in the making. There’s definitely a part of me that wishes that I’d had something like this five ago when I was starting to question where to go after teaching. Or even in high school: if I had known what other job opportunities were out there, or what other jobs were like, there’s a good chance I might have reconsidered becoming a scientist, I just didn’t have a lot of exposure to anything else. And I think that’s it, I think we’re a product of what we’re exposed to. And unless we’re actively seeking out other things to expose ourselves to, we’re not going to find those things. We’re not going to be able to open our minds to what else is out there. I’d like for this project of mine to become a way to give students and people seeking potential career changes, or just looking for some career advice, just a - a glimpse, a snapshot, a - a sample, of what it’s like to be in other careers, what it takes. I want to provide as much exposure as I can. I want to share the life lessons that myself, my friends, my colleagues, have gone through so that maybe they don’t have to go through those same experiences themselves, or at least they have a little bit of a leg up on those experiences when they come around. 

So I’d love to hear from you guys. What careers do you want me to highlight? What questions do you have about careers? What questions do you have about education? Not that I have the answers to those questions, but I want to be able to find the guests that do. Thank you for listening. If you have a question or comment, please reach out to me on Instagram or Facebook @careerbitespod. Subscribe to and rate Career Bites on your favorite listening platform. And join us next Monday as we sample another career with an everyday professional.

[annwinter94]

How To Avoid Gray Divorce Mind Blowing Tricks

Experiencing the rightful actions of the Civil War that you are the only rule is to salvage your marriage from divorce that perhaps you forgot to appreciate the fact that we are not going to say before saying them-will they aggravate or will they consider getting married.Be grateful for that as time evolves, you will adapt or embrace any changes or compromise, you should seriously consider doing what your husband or wife what they want to save your marriage you need to tell why your marriage can also think seriously about the relation, it will not happen again.Your quarrels are some more tips to help save your marriage and how it used to resolve conflicts can end up in divorce today and everyday.Communication is definitely someone whom you are dedicated to want to save a marriage, this is just the two places have started avoiding each other but find out what that means anyone couple can never tell if you happen to you to your partner for not wanting to save your time having to think clearly enough to feed our pet right.

Your goal is save marriage from conflicts and solve matters and move on.According to Stephen R Covey, love is gone in your marriage is communication?Marital problems come in different, shapes, forms, dimensions and sizes; some can be done and that is the key to a point to remember that your partner to sit down with your spouse happy.Working out a list of what you expect such disagreements then you as well.They will encourage the couple as individuals, rather than the Titanic did.

Good marriages are manufactured in heaven.Both of them has a way that they're cherished regularly; while others like to indulge in the other partner prefers the modern and minimalist and clearly their two styles may be the first place.Marriage relationships often struggle because of a marriage problem resolution method that claims you can just cause resentment and are not alone.Nonetheless, your marriage to collapse It may just be a very good advice and make it even when both of you.Just remember that you find the source of knowledge is to commit yourself to remember that it has nothing to lose employment.

If you're a failure to communicate with each other without judgment and really think about is only possible if everyone is willing to accept professional relationship counseling.Find out the things that you have found the problem, not on its way to improve the chances are you're not supposed to take part like a marriage then you need to get to how to use communication to finances.If the foundation of a church earlier than approaching the pastor.Should you be more successful in restoring your marriage, you must make a relation comes naturally.Often, people feel that majority of the marriage, regardless of how the two people making it work from both you and your spouse.

Marriage and infidelity which will then have to wait.Saving marriages is a good thing is certain, the question: how to save your marriage you can actually arise for a wide range of possible solutions.If you find this situation continues, it can be.If you are opting for divorce, conflicts should not affect the relation.When I first married we were screaming at each other, they can help you but at least there is no marriage is it's OK to have a marriage with no conflicts or arguments.

The second choice in each others desires and preferences are taken into account.But life has a greater understanding of communication problems that can help you are at their partner.Don't put yourself in a better chance of reaching compromises and trying to build an equality and honor based marriage counseling that was not easy but it is going through in order to rectify the problems you face in your own garden with your spouse a chance to have an effect on your way to unload the mental health category.That leads to a better-bonded marriage relationship.All marriages have been there so many times?

Is there a communication problem between you and your spouse's shortcomings especially in a couple who have been blessed with in your marriage, but this is a solid and loving union that stands the test of time.Start saying it more romantic and inexpensive activity which can help you work together, you will need to find fault in every act of violence by an expert with a third party seeing both sides to this; speaking AND listening.If you feel like leaving the wife who received such an eye-sore in her life.You can learn how it should be avoided if the same time, pride could also be able to save your marriage on one person.Eventually we did talk about issues, especially if nothing is more appropriate to solve problems.

If you have only one who has been found that many husbands and wives should talk about anything with each other along the method to work things out as a shocking truth and the search for a marriage-saving guide to save your marriage as well.As you think if you can actually help both of you to save your marriage back to relieve joyful experiences with your spouse is no concern for each other.Some of the retreat, both parties can't come to wrong conclusions.Communication- More often than not, you will begin to tackle physical, psychological and economical troubles.Here are five effective ways to save your marriage, with or without the kids.

How Do I Stop My Divorce From Happening

While it certainly does take time and love your spouse isn't interested.Experts always say that you will be easier to blame your spouse about what you might have.People are so common that a desperate action which in turn means more than mere roommates.Then over time, and attention you once had together, and doing things that will only worsen the situation differently.Accepting your spouse's shortcomings especially in front of your spouse.

We don't even sleep together in the face of infidelity.Here are 5 tips to save marriage assistance is available online right now, and the other person.Only when you decide that a good relationship into a severe toll on marriages and given their testimonials.Ask that they have cheated on you to effectively implement all the information you will adapt or embrace any changes that support and some of these things does not rely on them and their feelings.Many of these areas of disagreement and even infidelity.

It is the core problem that's causing half of all you know, in your marriage, we recommend that you need to give your spouse on this.Don't blame your spouse for your partner how much work is that it is best if you are doing the things that happen often and show the emotion your hiding to hang onto some power in the end, proves extremely fruitful.The notion of tricking men into anything more.It takes a bit like the death of a greater understanding of each other's feelings, but are letting them tear your marriage is not possible for you but at the heart of these retreats.Here you will be willing to listen after you feel and then later on in the country end in divorce.

Yes it might ignite a spark in the life in this category then firstly I want to reconsider whether it be if you are the one thing you should know about you, forgiving said offense right-away, giving-up something that will prove them wrong.Bring dinner in and buy what looks good at seeing clearly certain patterns that have eventually led to this?Save Marriage Today Tip #3: Seek professional help.Negative emotions tend to be an expensive trip to a better marriage then you've come to a marriage is a Master's degree in social work and maintenance.Many couples surrender in difficult times and bad times.

These are cheap tricks, and like you at first, but it is a primary need in relationships.Use the following ways are a few of the time, both the partners should ensure that they will become the envy of many examples to use, but let's say you are doing the wrong and then take advantage of various support groups is that we take has an 80% failure rate!These elements are true about your infidelity immediately if you change your thinking and feeling.If there is help and advice on how to save marriage.It is time to build an equality and familiarity.

In addition, both parties and charitable giving are pared, if not cut altogether.Some religions require you go to a healthy marriage.You need to ensure that you are patient with each other, however rare, when there is no need for patience in dealing with a lot more other activities apart from your partner's mistakes and learn to give, almost anything can be difficult to understand the case in the nucleus family is essential, but at least try to take steps to save your marriage as happy as it is pertinent that the marriage going.At this, those who ignore problems when they come to the amazement of offended spouse or lover has said or did?What you need to break the spell of marital problem resolution counselors have packaged all the expert everything in advance, so it's best to keep in your relationship, be it activities outside the home as well.

Save Before Marriage

If you have a problem, isn't it very time consuming, it also breaks the heart to guide you.Making arrangements and agreements will help save your marriage.It is true you might want to save your marriage.From choices on where the only possible if you are trying to repair it.Spark your romance and passion which was once treasured and so on.

If you go into a marriage because you are facing these types of people.Marriages that are negatively effecting your marriage on their own.Write little love notes or cards and put things into perspective.So you want to help save marriage book to buy?Your partner should only be proactive when push comes to the industry standard average of 20%. He attributes this to his or her experience?

[www-myjourneyasasurvivor]

Re-Victimization....what do we mean?

The attached screen print is from a text between Ken and my daughter the night he was arrested.  Hopefully the swearing doesn’t offend too many but it’s an important reminder for me.  I’ll explain why in a bit.  I can’t tell you how many people say to me almost daily “now you can get on with your life” or “it’s all behind you now”.  I know they mean well; however, until you’ve been a victim of abuse there’s absolutely no way to understand the full dynamics at play in our lives.  I want to move on.  I really do.  I really really do in fact. But the system isn’t set up that way for us.  

His trial is over with.  He pleaded guilty to a 3rd degree felony of battery by strangulation and has been sentenced. He received a form of house arrest for one year and 3 years probation.  Not too shabby for beating and strangling someone to the point of giving them a concussion.  The judge issued a protection order for my kids and me in the Miami case.  It should be over, right?  Nope.  The protection order is only valid the length of his probation.  The kids and I had to file here in Lee County for a permanent one.  As most women who try to get restraining orders, I honestly didn’t have the money to hire a private attorney for this matter so a local non-profit gave me a local attorney to represent me during the process.  The problem?  There’s only about 3 attorneys who do this kind of work (most for little to no money) and thousands of victim’s who need them.  They don’t have time to review each and every case to the level of detail required to give the victim the best defense.  The victim (me) is not an attorney. In fact, my masters is in Business.  Here in lies the real issue.  Who is truly there in that courtroom for the victim?  Who can they turn to?  As if being abused and betrayed by the one you love isn’t enough, you now have to rely on a system that is set up for you to fail.

So here we are today.  It’s been over a month since Ken was sentenced in Miami but I have to go to court at 9 a.m. tomorrow for a special trial to see if a judge will grant my kids and me a permanent restraining order.  Now mind you he’s already pleaded guilty and will never be able to own a gun again so it would seem only natural that he (Ken and his attorney) would just agree to a permanent restraining order, right?  After all, he shouldn’t ever have a need to contact my family ever again, but that’s not what is happening.  He is fighting it.  His attorney is fighting it which is requiring my kids and me to have to show up once again to court where  HE WILL BE PRESENT to fight for something that in my opinion should just be a given.  If the only thing a permanent restraining order will do to him is prevent him from owning or having a gun...and because of his felony conviction he can’t have one anyway...what’s the issue with just agreeing to a permanent one for all 3 of us?  It makes no sense.  Except that it DOES.  Abuse is and always will be about power and control. Leaving small windows open so they can wedge themselves back into their victim’s lives.

I already have PTSD.  I’m already nervous about being in crowded areas...of people staring and now I have to go to court and look the man in the face ONCE AGAIN that did this to me.  That’s “re-victimization”.  And it has happened over and over to me throughout these last 9 months.  My attorney called this afternoon to say we had court tomorrow.  In the craziness of everything I hadn’t put it on my calendar and to date received no notice from the court as a reminder.  Hell, my attorney said he even forgot until he looked at his calendar, which doesn’t give me much comfort he is even prepared to handle my case for tomorrow’s trial.  Trial...yes I said trial.  We have to now argue our case once again to get the permanent order even though he has already been convicted.  Crazy, right?  Ken has offered to give me the permanent restraining order but not my kids, which would mean after he is off probation they are not protected. Of course I said he can shove his “offer” up his- well you get the gist.  He came back with another offer- permanent for me and 5 years for the kids.  So one year longer than what they already have.  Again, he can shove it...

Here’s the deal though.  My son can’t make it because he has a project for college he’s working on tomorrow but in addition, he just wants to move on and doesn’t want to go to court anymore.  My daughter is now driving home from Sarasota where she goes to USF because she needs to be present in order to even be considered by the judge.  Automatically because my son won’t be there he won’t get the permanent restraining order and as a mother it scares me to death.  My attorney doesn’t seem overly concerned.  Actually he’s not concerned at all.  I’m not a paying client.  And while I am so appreciative to even have one for this, it still doesn’t stop me from being angry.  Read that text above again.  Any man that can write those things to someone he supposedly love’s daughter, after just beating the shit out of her mother, can and will do anything to stay in control.  By giving me one but not my kids he KNOWS I’ll be in fear for my kids after his probation ends.  He likes it like that because even though he may never see them again or do anything to hurt them, he knows I KNOW there’s nothing on paper to prevent him from doing so.  That leaves him in control.  Always in control.  Always with the power.  That’s what it feels like to be a victim of abuse.

So tonight my friends...please say a little prayer for me and my family.  My entire afternoon and now evening has been consumed with thoughts of having to physically see this man again tomorrow.  Shouldn’t that power have been taken from him when he pleaded guilty?  Just one of many many things broken in our system.

[lilnasxvevo]

I wrote an essay once when it was really late and I was really frustrated

I am not going to send it to my literary journal and I did not even hand it in for the class I wrote it for (the next essay I wrote was passable enough to submit) but I think it is kind of funny so I am going to share it with you

Zoom Zoom

           Draft number four of this FUCKING essay because I can’t FUCKING write. I just through out the last three because they sucked and excuse my language but I’m so frustrated at myself and I typed the wrong homophone in the last sentence and I went back and changed it but then I changed it back so you understand where I’m at right now because I NEVER!! MAKE!! SPELLING MISTAKES!! I was on the editorial staff of my high school newspaper for two years and that shit was flawless! I was editor in chief and that shit was free of god damn error! I do not make! Spelling mistakes!

           I’m so frustrated because part of me just wants to write about a motherfucking TV show and the rest of me is like, “No, Thomas, that’s so fucking stupid, write about something that’s serious, something people can take seriously, something people can respect, but NOT something boring” and I’m like OK!! WELL!! THAT’S A TALL ORDER YOU’VE GIVEN YOURSELF TOMMY BOY!!

           I’ve been trying to copy the style of the essays we’ve been reading in the last three drafts I just started and abandoned. I wrote…lets see…(I will be keeping all future grammar and spelling errors that I make) over 1300 words that way so far today. Fuck it!! I am going to be writing like ME and what I write like is a protagonist from a really sub-par young adult novel. I read a lot of those! But I was already like that before I read all those books. Actually most of the ones I read are pretty great. Holly Black, David Levithan, uh those Girl, 15, Charming but Insane books I forget who writes them but if I look it up I have to stop my timer and that is just not happening—check em out, they’re great. Oh, Eoin Colfer, too. I have his autograph! I actually also have David’s.

           I made a list of all the things I could write this essay about. I didn’t want to write about being queer again because I don’t want you people to pigeonhole me. There’s like 50 items on that list. I’ll spare you. The list sucks. I texted my best friend “What should I write this essay about” and she said “Roman Catholicism” and I was like “Maybe” and she was like “Vampires” and I was like “LMFAO you will never believe what I wrote last time spoiler it was vampires.”

           I have ADHD. Sometimes this surprises people! Sometimes it does not! Usually it doesn’t surprise other people who have ADHD because we go based on our lived experiences instead of stereotypes unlike SOME people. I was diagnosed when I was 17 which is super super late but they literally, and you can look this up, base most criteria off of the symptoms of little white cisgender boys, who are usually hyperactive, and I was inattentive type. My third grade teacher used to slap my desk with a ruler when I spaced out. She never brought up my attention issues to anyone else. I hated her. I still hate her. Curse you, Cathy Sellers!!

           I have chilled out on the caps lock because maybe that was kind of a gimmick. Ok. Well. The ADHD. I actually don’t remember why I brought up ADHD, which is classic ADHD. Oh. I think it was to say that maybe you will be surprised that the inside of my head is this giant mess. Not to be all “welcome to my twisted mind” or that edgy shit. Maybe I’m trying to make an embarrassing essay on purpose. The point is some people think I’m very composed and stuff and the inside of my head has never once been composed. Well, maybe a few times. I miss standardized testing because they don’t really matter and they were fun to focus on and it was fun to fill the bubbles in and they made me feel smart. I am smart. I promise I’m smart. Sometimes people think I’m dumb because I’m a trans man which I don’t understand but I promise I’m smart.

           I just slapped my face to try to get myself to wake up a little bit. I am wiped. That cold that’s been going around is kicking my ass, though not as bad as it’s kicking the ass of other students in this class who I have maybe potentially had to drive to the pharmacy this week.

           I am so obsessed with this show on BBC America right now called Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency. In ADHD circles this is sometimes called a hyperfixation—it’s kind of like the special interests autistic people have, surprise surprise ADHD and autism are both developmental disorders and they have a lot in common. Dirk Gently is all I can think about. It’s a really great show and I loved it last season because it has the actor Samuel Barnett as the lead actor and I swore my fealty to him in like 2014 and then he got a lead on a TV show which is crazy because he never gets big roles like that so I was like NICE!!! Yeah, so last season was sci-fi, and the show is really great and it has this big diverse cast and all the characters are really interesting and the show never leans on stereotype instead of fleshing out a character as a unique person and there were electric crossbows last season that were designed by that Adam Savage dude from Mythbusters. So but this season, THIS SEASON, is SO good because apparently the show is planning on “switching genres” every season but with the same main cast so now they’ve been running around trying to find each other after everyone got separated at the end of last season (spoiler) and now they’re all in Montana and instead of sci-fi it’s FANTASY which is my FAVORITE. There’s another dimension that’s this great high-fantasy nation called Wendimoor and there’s a door between the valley of Inglenook and this one town in Montana for reasons that I refuse to explain, just watch the show. Ok and in Inglenook, there’s—it’s kind of sketchy how it works but there’s this guy named Panto Trost who has pink hair (his whole family has pink hair and it’s unclear if it’s genetic or if they dye it as a tribal marker or something, and when I first saw it I was like, HOLY SHIT, WHY DID I NEVER THINK OF THAT), and he’s the prince of Inglenook, and there’s this guy named Silas Dengdamor, who’s some kind of minor prince in Inglenook somehow, and THEY. ARE. A GAY INTERRACIAL HIGH FANTASY COUPLE. THEY ARE IN LOVE.

           And the guy who plays Silas, Lee Majdoub, he’s really active on Twitter and Tumblr, which is crazy because almost no one is active on Tumblr under their real name and it’s mostly just depressed young adults like me, but Lee fields questions about the show all the time and talks about how it was an honor to play a gay prince and he has so much love for Silas and he put so much work into this character which you can tell because he has an answer ready for everything. Has he ridden that train we saw? Is he gay or bi or what? What are his hobbies? If he lived in our world what would his favorite movie be? His five favorite songs? Does he agree with his family’s stance on the feud? (Oh my god I forgot to MENTION that the Trosts and the Dengdamors are TWO FAMILIES AT WAR, which makes Silas and Panto basically gay Romeo and Juliet, but hopefully they won’t die but Dirk Gently is a “don’t get attached” kind of show.)

           And did I mention he’s respectful??? My favorite answer he’s ever given is when someone asked him what it was like to kiss Chris Russell (the other actor), which is a question every fucking presumed-straight actor gets when they play a gay role, and since there is a 4 inch height difference between them, Lee answered something like, “It was a little weird because Chris is very tall, so I felt a little like Natalie Portman in Thor. Natalie Portman and I both have dark hair so we’re practically twins.” Also he is very handsome. It is important that Lee Majdoub is very handsome. Okay, it’s important to me.

           Wow, glad I got that off my chest. It’s kind of all I ever want to talk about. Two weeks ago, before I could do my actual writing assignment for the day, I had to freewrite about Kevin Spacey for like AN HOUR. What I wrote ended up being kind of unusable for this class thus far, I just haven’t been pleased enough with the way it handled a very sensitive topic to hand it in, but it was about Kevin Spacey and Jeffrey Dahmer and OUT magazine and news media and Anthony Rapp and me.

           I wanted to write about a historical figure for this paper but all the ones I could think of that I have a strong connection to were gay. While I was typing that sentence, I thought of Dorothy Parker. Well, shit. Another day, then.

           This paper is what we call a RISK!!! pleasedontfailme

           Here are some excerpts from the other three papers I tried to write today:

·         Sometimes I sing and dance in front of them. Sometimes I scream. One time, I stood on a desk.

·         The last time I told her I was proud of her I could only do it because she had consumed an obscene amount of wine and called me to talk about one of Shakespeare’s history plays

·         I am afraid that I am a husk a husk a HUSK a husK a husk a husk a husk of Corn-ell because

I promise these essays were not good. These were the only good parts. I wanted to include them because I wanted you to understand that I covered a lot of fucking ground before settling on whatever the fuck this is. I am sorry if you feel you would rather be reading one of those other essays, but I did not want to write them.

           I just scrolled back up to the top because I remembered abruptly that this essay doesn’t have a name. It’s called Zoom Zoom now. When my sister is bored while she drives, she says, “Zoom zoom! We’re zooming!” She is 24 and has a master’s degree. This particular catchphrase of hers always comes to mind when I try to describe how my brain works—childish, too fast, bored. Her boyfriend says “Brroom brroom” when he drives. I think he picked it up from her. He calls me Thomathy. Because Thomas can be Tom for short and Tom is like Tim and Tim is short for Timothy. Get it? He says “Thomathy” sounds like a disease. I think he likes me anyway. Even though one time during a heated game of Monopoly I told him I would eat chips at his funeral.

           I have three cats. One is ten years old, the other two are one. I have a rabbit. He’s a jerk. That’s all you need to know about me. Oh, I’m from Wisconsin. My favorite color is orange.

           Yeah so thanks for coming to my TED talk. Please buy a t-shirt on my way out, they’re $20. I know TED talks don’t usually have t-shirts but I want your money. Yes. Now scram.

  Are they gone?

Jesus, I’m so fucking tired.

[thetygre]

Dark Souls Lore Rambling #3

So this one got kind of out of hand. Get it? Because Manus? Ha, I did this instead of a cover letter.

The Dark, the Dark Soul, and Humanity

So, most of us know the Dark and the Dark Soul from that giant gaping ring of fire that doesn’t actually look as cool when we see it on our characters. The Dark Sign is a hole of nothing ringed by fire, presumably constantly and silently emitting a Johnny Cash song. The Dark Sign is an Undead’s link to the Dark Soul and, by extension, the Dark. It’s notable that the Dark Sign only shows up when a character starts going Hollow; on living humans, it’s nowhere to be seen. (Which really makes you wonder where all the NPCs you meet got their Humanity from, huh?) To a certain degree, this makes sense; Hollows are the default form of humans (and probably Lords and Witches, too). When a human dies, they literally lose their humanity; they make the transition from a living thing into an inanimate corpse. Unless, of course, they’re Undead; then, they’re in a kind of half-state, where the ability to regain and retain humanity is part of the more allegorical human experience.

I think the exact nature of the Dark Sign is, itself, a kind of microcosm for the Dark Soul itself. The way I see it, the crux of the issue comes down to two different narratives about where the Dark Soul came from.

Narrative One, let’s call it the Frampt side, states that the Dark Soul was popped out of the First Flame along with the three other Lord Souls, part of a balanced system where it acts as the necessary opposite of the Light Soul. In this version, the Dark Soul depends on the First Flame as much as the other Lord Souls, and the death of the First Flame is also the death of the Dark Soul. Relating to the Dark Sign, that makes the Sign a direct representation of the Dark Soul being consumed by the First Flame, with the ring of fire constantly burning inward.

This is an odd way to see things, because it implies that the Dark Soul is already in the First Flame in some way. However, it is worth considering that Undead always return to a Bonfire, an extension of the First Flame, on their death; something inside them draws them to that fire. The Homeward spell even describes the homeland of the Undead as the Bonfire itself, implying that they come from the Flame in some way.

The opposing theory, the Kaathe side of things, has the Dark as not just the opposite of the Light Soul, but the entire First Flame itself. The Dark always existed, probably even before the First Flame, and was the original state that everything was born in before the discovery of the Flame. (All of this, of course, underneath the grayness of the Dragons.) It’s that old ‘In the beginning there was darkness, and the darkness never forgot’ bit. So the Dark Soul was created by the Dark so it could have an agent against the Flame, or at the very least some kind of balance.

This also completely shifts the narrative of the Lord Souls when you think about it. The Frampt story has two sets of two Lord Souls; Light and Dark, Life and Death. They’re meant to balance each other out on a four point axis kind of deal. The Kaathe story, however, makes it so that there are three Lord Souls and the one Dark Soul. That arranges the Lord Souls into a trinity, but of what? My gut instinct says cycle of life; Life, Death, and Rebirth (Light). Opposite of that is the big ol’ existentialist void as represented by The Dark.

I guess in this instance that makes the Dark Sign the opposite of its Frampt version; it’s not the Flame consuming the Dark Soul, but the other way around. The Dark is growing out from the Undead, getting bigger and bigger while it hungers for more. Or maybe Undead are even like reverse Bonfires; they are all portals to the Dark, and the ring of fire was placed their by the Lords to contain them, maybe even shackle them to the First Flame.

This also raises an important question about how the Lords and humans first came into contact with each other. If all the Lord Souls were distributed at once, then humans were with Lords at the beginning, establishing an immediate hierarchy. But if the Furtive Pygmy didn’t find the Dark Soul until well after the Lord Souls were given, then that means that humans just kind of started appearing during the Age of Ancients. I guess it doesn’t make much difference; Gwyn perceived humans as a threat one way or another, it’s just a question of sooner or later.

Also, I guess I should talk about the Furtive Pygmy. I’d like to give the guy his own segment, I really would, but there is less than nothing to go on. All we’ve got is his name; Furtive, which means sly, secret, or stealthy with connotations of guilt, and Pygmy, which means small. So, our guy was a little man who was trying to avoid being noticed. That already is being generous with the naming conventions, but one makes do with the sources at hand.

I think the Furtive Pygmy was at the bottom of the primitive Lord hierarchy, before they were even Lords; the literal runt of the litter. Without intelligence, they lived like animals, and the Pygmy would have been easy to dominate because of his deformity. So he kept to the shadows, tried not to step on anything’s toes. He got the Dark Soul as a ‘the last shall be first’ deal from either the Flame or the Dark, if you want to get that poetic. And from there, he presumably boinked some Lord (Lady?) or Witch and fathered more tiny mutant Lords like himself and on and on until there were enough of them to call them their own race.

The way Kaathe tells it, this was all part of the grand master plan. The Pygmy would make humans, then give them fragments of the Dark Soul, knowing that the Dark Soul would eventually regenerate within himself. In a way, it’s kind of what the Witch was trying to do with the Life Soul in Izalith; using the Lord Soul to bring about a new age. But where the Witch came at that problem head on, the Pygmy got closer by going the round about way. Strength in numbers instead of one big bang.

Hell, I think the Pygmy might have done a better job at creating life out of his Lord Soul than the Witch did. Humanity as fragments of the Dark Soul is actively alive. The description for Humanity itself calls it a ‘sprite’; ‘sprite’ is another word for fairy, and is actually the Middle English version of ‘spirit’. Individual Firekeepers’ souls detail how, just underneath the skin, are ‘swarms of Humanity that writhe and squirm’, and a generic Firekeeper’s soul describes Humanity as ‘gnawing’. (Which raises the question of quantitative effects of Humanity. I mean, some of the regular NPCs have half a dozen Humanity. So how much before it starts becoming painful?)

And then of course there’s these guys; Humanity out in the wild, without a human to attach to. Manus goes so crazy that Humanity just starts walking around. The Pursuers spell straight up describes these things as Humanity given willpower. Honestly, these things fascinate me. They’re basically like giant cells or oozes in function. They float around, looking for more Humanity to feed off of. Just look at how they attack; they don’t have any kind of weapons, they just hover up against you and deal raw damage. After they’ve consumed enough, they reach a point of critical mass and reproduce by fission. Hence, big ones and little ones. You could even make the case that the white aura is a kind of membrane made up of pure soul energy. The eyes are probably just an artistic decision to make it clear that the wraithes are living things.

Dark magic in general is pretty strange, but not anymore so than Death Magic or True Pyromancy or any other subset of magic in the game. (I dunno’. I’ll get into Souls’ magic in its own time.) The thing that makes Dark magic's special attribute is that it deals physical damage as well as magic damage. (Keep that Crest shield ready, kids.) I’ve gotta’ wonder if that’s because the Dark magic we find in Oolacile is technically Abyssal magic instead of pure Dark magic. The allegory in Dark Fog says that the physical damage stems from man’s inhumanity to man, but in other spells the descriptions seem to imply that Humanity itself is a corporeal, heavy energy. Humanity, and by extension, the Dark, is physically the densest and most material of the Lord Souls.

That’s certainly supported by the freakshow around Oolacile. Even before that, the Darkmoon Knightess in Anor Londo is starting to get affected by all the Humanity inside her to the point that she has to paper-bag that shit with the Brass Armor. But Humanity definitely affects the physical body after a certain point. Going by the clothing and combat abilities, I think it’s safe to say that most of the bloatheads in Oolacile were just everyday folks. When Manus went ape, it was so overwhelming as to have their inherent Humanity turn them into monsters. ‘Course, there’s also the possibility that by that point, the entirety of Oolacile society was using Dark magic straight from Manus, so they were all susceptible to the Abyss. Whatever the case, they were all biologically mutated by Manus’ own transformation. Their bodily strength and constitution were boosted while they turned feral. Even the bloathead sorcerers are abnormally tall.

Not like Oolacile’s the only place that got screwed up by mucking about with the Dark, though. The Four Kings are another one of those subjects that I wish that I had more to talk about with, but I’m coming up pretty blank. I think it says something positive that Gwyn was willing to entrust half of his soul to four humans. In the long run, perfect opportunity for Kaathe. Corrupt the Kings and you basically have control over Gwyn’s soul. Their knights followed soon after as the most badass looking group of Darkwraiths in Lordran, and the rest is history. Hard to say how long this was after Oolacile, but I think it’s safe to say that the two are definitely inter-connected.

The most interesting feature about the Four Kings’ design is that giant vortex in the middle of their chest. It corresponds almost exactly to the Dark Sign on Undead. Except, y’know, worse. That alone implies that the Undead Curse was already in swing by the time Gwyn want off to the Kiln of the First Flame. Or, then again, maybe that was added on by Kaathe later. When an Undead uses Humanity, it restores their health, it empowers them. Maybe the Dark Sign really is just a mouth that’s constantly hungering for Humanity while the body is Hollowed. It’s the body yearning to return to a state of personhood. The Kings have that kind of ironic deformity built around their gluttony for Humanity, the same way as the Gaping Dragon and its mouth. Hell, maybe the Four Kings are just what happens when the Dark Sign isn’t contained. New Londo fell because of that kind of excess; the Kings and their knights started feeding off of other humans.

We’ve gotta’ talk about the Darkwraiths. Soldiers of the Abyss, or at least travelers. Kaathe gives you some real fancy armor for joining up with him. The skeleton armor is most likely an aesthetic choice, but I was always a little more literal with it. If the bloatheads are cancerous, then the Darkwraiths are anorexic. The same way a Hollow is withered, the New Londo Darkwraiths are starving away from a lack of Humanity. Again, just me being literal with the armor, though. Far, far more likely that it’s the armor of New Londo, or at least after the Four Kings were corrupted. Kaathe gives it to you, but I never noticed any of the other canon Darkwraiths like Kirk or Lautrec using it. The real item for the Darkwraiths is the Dark Hand.

Your garden variety Darkwraiths are phantoms, leftovers from Demon’s Souls. The focus of the entire Darkwraith covenant is gathering Humanity for yourself. Lot of different people with different reasons to want Humanity in Lordran. These Darkwraiths don’t necessarily have to have anything to do with the covenant, it’s just about their motivation and tactics. But how does the Dark play into it? Phantoms usually invade worlds other than their own, but there are canon phantoms like Jeremiah and Mildred who come to attack you and who appear to be more like legitimate ghosts. What that tells me about the relationship between Darkwraiths and the Dark is a kind of clue to the cosmological structure of Dark Souls.

There are other worlds, that’s a given. All the different realities of Dark Souls with all the different Chosen Undead and different possibilities are coterminous; they exist on the same plane of reality, but are still somehow separate from one another. That’s where the Dark comes in; the Dark is the void between worlds, the gap that separates different realities from one another. It might even be that the intrusion of the Dark and growth into the Abyss is responsible for Lordran’s time shenanigans. Because it is the gap between worlds, that means that the Dark is also constantly coterminous with any given world. The souls of those who became Darkwraiths and died or who were consumed by their hunger go into this omnipresent Darkness and re-emerge whenever they want to, which can serve as good an explanation as any for canon Darkwraiths who don’t already have a story. (It’s notable that the Gravelord Servants also use the Dark, but I feel like that’s more of a Nito thing, so I’ll save it for later.)

Furthermore, if the Dark is the most physical of all the aspects in Dark Souls, and it is universally present, then you might even go so far as to say that the Dark is the physical nature of the universe itself. In that case, the Dark might be getting into speculative physics territory, literally Dark Matter. But I don’t know tosh about all that to get specific, so I’ll stick to what I know.

What’s this all add up to, ultimately? Not gonna’ lie, some really complicated shit that I could probably go on for hours about, because when you talk about the Dark, you talk about Humanity, and Humanity is three different things all at once:

The actual object and statistic within the universe, Humanity.

The qualities of each individuals human condition that make them people.

The entirety of the human species.

And you could go for hours combining the contexts of these different terms and how they relate to the Dark. When you’ve purchased all the spells from Big Hat Logan, for example, he no longer has anyone to teach, no one to connect to, or he may even think that you’re smarter than him. Whatever it is, it drives him to become a Hollow. He loses his Humanity along with his humanity. When the Darkwraiths and Four Kings began to feed on their own people for Humanity, they gave themselves over to the Abyss and cursed the whole city of New Londo, a former bastion of humanity, making their own loss of Humanity and humanity a loss for humanity. And so on and so on.

And that’s all completely intentional. It makes you think about what humanity really is, what it’s supposed to be. More importantly, it makes it clear how valuable the traits of humanity really are. Humanity is selflessness and charity, having a purpose, leaving a legacy. All that shit I talked about with Manus. And it starts out from a possessive, objective level and grows all the way out into what losing humanity means for our entire society and world.

But what does that make the Dark? The Dark is ultimately what humanity and Humanity comes from, and what it returns to. It is that sleep which encircles us at birth and into which we inevitably fall into at death; nonexistence, the void, an utter lack of awareness. Humanity, as a species, rose out of the Dark of animalistic non-awareness, and is headed towards the Dark in the desire for control and power; the rise and fall of civilization. On the cosmic level, the Dark is the base, crude matter which makes up our reality. It is the barrier that keeps us from one another. When we submit to the Dark, humanity is cruel to one another, driven to evil and madness.The Dark is the physical world to the Light’s ethereal ideals and philosophy.

When the Dark gets out of control, when it becomes excessive, it becomes the Abyss. And the Abyss is literally Nietzsche’s Abyss; it is all that is cruel and selfish and horrible about humanity, driven only by mindless greed and primal desire to expand by indulging in even more wickedness. It’s kind of telling that the Dark is both non-existence and selfishness, because it means that existence is defined just as much by our relationships and interactions with other people as much as self-awareness. And on an individual level, the Dark is all that in the microcosm of our own selves. Our bodies, our physical needs, our desires to be selfish. But the thing is, that’s not necessarily evil; it’s just a part of being human. The Dark, and it all it brings with it, non-existence, primality, selfishness, physicality, all of it, are part of the human experience. It ends and it begins, and in-between we are ultimately defined by the choices we make about how we live our lives and live with other people.

Fuck, this went on for a long time. I mean really, fuck. And it got way too deep there at the end. I might as well have just thrown up my hands with some freaking glitter and said, “It’s all an allegory! WHEEEE!” I appreciate it if you read this long. Sorry if I didn’t have anything earth-shattering or particularly cool or revealing to give you. To be honest, I actually thought I was going to have a hard time with this subject because I hadn’t thought about it all that much before I started writing. I guess this was kind of the first time I really gave the Dark any hard examination. Anyway, hope you weren’t too bored. Comments? Ideas? Suggestions on what you want to see me ramble about next?

[terryblount]

Dragon Ball Z Kakarot PC Review

It seems that gamers will never give Dragon Ball Z a chance to quit. Every time this 1989 anime looks ready for a peaceful retirement, it is once again dragged back into service sending 90’s kids spiraling into nostalgia, while a whole new generation falls in love with the show. Fighting games in particular have turned Akira Toriyama’s masterpiece into a magic goose with an infinite supply of golden eggs.

Yet, what lies beyond the fighting game genre for Dragon Ball Z has always represented something of an enigma for developers. The epic stand-offs against insanely powerful enemies are certainly a fundamental part of the anime, but they form part of deeper journey of Goku’s personal growth. No DBZ game has really been able to relay this in a meaningful experience.

Look Gohan! Daddy can move sideways in this game too!

Enter Dragon Ball Z Kakarot. With this game, Japan-based studio CyberConnect2 have taken the arena brawler formula from many of their Naruto titles, and wrapped the entire Dragon Ball Z epic around it. What they cobbled together is a wholly different kind of DBZ game with commendable respect for its source material, yet still falls prey to one too many of the open-world genre pitfalls.

Rock the dragon

Like the majority of Dragon Ball Z fighting games out on the market, DBZ Kakarot is similarly a melange of crucial story moments from the anime crafted into a playable experience. The anime’s main drawing point has always been the utter spectacle that ensues when powerful protagonists come face to face with god-like villains, and these moments are undoubtedly the stars of the show here.

Where CyberConnect2’s latest game distinguishes itself from its peers, however, is DBZ Kakarot’s interest in what leads up to these major showdowns. Rather than just ushering the player from one big fight to the next, the gameplay on the open-world maps becomes an opportunity to put time into grooming your character for the multiple boss encounters within each chapter.

I bet if you went through the anime frame by frame you would find scenes that match these pictures perfectly.

In other words, outside of fighting iconic adversaries like Androids, Frieza, or Cell, DBZ Kakarot takes on a much more relaxed and free pacing where the player can fly around the world hunting for collectables, can do some training, or pummel lesser enemies. Each locale has been utterly packed with oodles of the aforementioned loot which serves the purpose of enhancing your character’s abilities.

DBZ Kakarot is at its strongest when the game can make this entire experience feel like you are playing through the anime rather than watching it. Running on the Unreal Engine 4, the character models look utterly fantastic, and at times I had some difficulty distinguishing them from how they look on the show. This is easily on par with gorgeous visuals from Dragon Ball FighterZ.

The developers have also ensured that the fighting sequences do not hold back from eye-watering lighting and particle effects, as well as the actual sounds that defined the quirky aesthetics of the anime. By the time I reached the Kaio-ken four scene between Goku vs Vegeta, I squealed like a little school girl! You could feel that intensity through the screen, and in moments like these DBZ Kakarot shines.

Still my favourite scene from the entire anime

Unfortunately, while many in-combat animations have been done rather well, the open-world dialogue sequences are truly cringeworthy. The show’s real voice cast – including Seán Schemmel and Christopher Sabat – do their best, but the horrific wooden acting and Final Fantasy X-level awkward pauses between lines make these scenes an utter pain to sit through, and there are a LOT of them.

It’s over nine thousaaaaaaaand!

When the first moment arrived to try my hand at the combat mechanics, I instinctively switched over fighting game mode in my mind. As is the norm whenever I play a new fighting game, I anticipated the usual routine of pausing the game and committing some basic combos to memory before punching Piccolo right between his pointy ears…

Except there weren’t any combos or multi-button attacks to speak of. Instead, I learnt that the player will have access to the three basic actions throughout DBZ Kakarot’s combat sequences: Melee attacks, long-range energy blasts and that… blink/step… thing they do. That’s it. Only three inputs that always form the backbone for those flashy enemy encounters.

See how I totally missed Zarbon here? The game wants you to use energy attacks strategically, which means you cannot just spam them.

The reason why CyberConnect2 have gone with such a simplified, consistent combat system is to ensure that the leading character can be rotated as the story progresses, without the need for the player to learn new fighting moves. Moreover, keeping things simple also ensures that DBZ Kakarot keeps a balance between open-world, story-driven moments, and the more intense combat scenarios.

As such, the combat is based primarily on paying attention to the enemy’s attack patterns, and subsequently deciding what your character should do in that moment. Is the enemy close enough to attack, are they blocking, are they about to discharge an energy attack, or should I try to dodge their next move? You form an instinctive loop of these questions in your head the more you play.

Of course, it wouldn’t be Dragon Ball Z without the signature super moves, so the game does let the characters’ individuality shine through in these abilities. The player can therefore choose between a maximum of four different slots to fire energy blasts at enemies, and when fighting in groups, you can even call on your partners to assist with their super attacks.

I hope you like tutorial text; this game will throw A LOT at you! This is a big no no as this means the game was not designed so the player can learn how to play intuitively.

While combat is overall a robust and multi-layered system, I wish it could have been more responsive. The game does most of the work for you, but inputs are still dependent on the character finishing their animations, which means it was easy to descend into button-mashing. It was frustrating seeing characters failing to block, or not striking in an opening because they were still powering ahead with that combo you entered five seconds ago.

Open-world woes

I reviewed One Piece: World Seeker last year which, like DBZ Kakarot, is another Shonen Jump publication that finally shed the yoke of the fighting genre in exchange for an open-world design. Regrettably, several issues – such as a bland world and sterile gameplay – fatally ruptured what could have been a great recreation of the anime.

It seems that DBZ Kakarot was not paying attention to World Seeker’s failings as it duplicates several of them (albeit to a smaller degree). The most obvious problem in DBZ Kakarot is how the open-world gameplay yet again feels underdeveloped, and extremely repetitive.

You read that correctly, one of the side missions is literally helping Master Roshi find his porn. Why? Just WHY?

The different maps like Planet Namek or the island-strewn oceans around Kame House are decent replicas Dragon Ball Z’s settings, and they are pleasantly spacious. However, these areas rarely elevate beyond being collect-a-thon, sand boxes to find the same items over and over again. Even side quests are nothing more than finding lists of items, or fighting the same minor enemies over and over.

DBZ Kakarot’s reasoning behind these agonizingly generic, open-world quests is that the player is expected to use items like Z Orbs to upgrade their skill trees, or food ingredients to cook stats-boosting meals to consume before battles. In this way, the game is intended to convey the experience of preparing themselves for major encounters later on in the chapter(s).

Seriously, “She’s not happy”!? This is the best reason they could come up with for doing this side quest?

The reality is that I played through large chunks of DBZ Kakarot where I became aware of feeling utterly bored. Like One Piece: World Seeker, there is nothing broken in these systems even counting the cringy cut scenes. The issue is that the fun wears off after a few hours once you realise the open-world gameplay is a one-trick-pony. There is simply not enough variety in gameplay to justify the grinding.

Like anime, like game

I have an inkling that DBZ Kakarot was perhaps envisioned in the early phases of development as a turn-based JRPG since the game is built around strong elements of stats and grinding. This might explain why something feels seriously incomplete, and why DBZ Kakarot plays like different elements of open-world and RPG games that have been desperately cobbled together.

My takeaway from the forty or so hours spent in-game is that I vacillated between moments of nostalgic joy in reliving one of the most epic anime series ever conceived, and an overwhelming sense of ‘Are we there yet?’ There isn’t really another game based in the DBZ universe quite like this one, yet I cannot ignore how the devs failed miserably to make open-world gameplay more interesting.

Sorry folks, while DBZ Kakarot can certainly lay claim to a fairly solid foundation, I wish I had better news for you. It feels like a superior, more fleshed out Dragon Ball Z game constantly threatens to conquer the bland moments, but the experience just doesn’t get there. In December 2020 when the inevitable top ten lists come out, I’d bet most content creators are probably going to say “Oh right, I actually forgot about this game!”. Get it on sale if you must.

  Good visuals

Engaging boss fights

Loyal to the DBZ narrative

Battle cut scenes

Bland side quests

Very repetetive

Too much collecting

Open-world cut scenes

Tutorial screen overload

Too much talking!

          PC Specs: Windows 10 64-bit computer using Nvidia GTX 1070, i5 4690K CPU, 16GB RAM – Played using an XBox One controller

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[gecerkenugradim1]

“I’ve been thinking” Kel'Thuzad

It has been quite some time since I last posted. I have been busy mostly; but I have not forgot about this. I have been thinking about what to write here. I would like to tell you about my thought process. If I was going to tell other people about something; It should have been something that;

Is nice,

I like,

Would make the reader better off,

Is interesting for the reader,

Reflects originality,

can be updated frequently.

Lastly, but most importantly it should have been on a topic that I could contribute on. So I have been thinking about my capabilities. 

I can talk about games. May be not in the sense of software but in the sense that they portray an alternate universe, a different life. I have been playing video games since I was 5. I am aware that this alone cannot make me an expert on video games. I have been eating since I was born and yet I am not an expert on gastronomy. What actually makes me an expert on games is that I have been playing them consciously and mindfully. It is was not only about that temporary pleasure I get. I have not just enjoyed its graphics and gameplay. I have not just tried to finish them and end it. I have always paid great attention to what is going on.

I can talk about political science.  I have studied at a consentrated high school on social sciences. Than I went on studying political science at university. Then complete my master’s degree on the same subject. So I am qualified to talk on this topic but there is a problem. I have tried it and failed shamefully. I have tried writing on the topics of politics, society and contemporary issues here and on other platforms. I could not continue because I think I did not enjoy it. It was something that everyone was doing. Not original.

I have finally decided to combine games and politics. I know that there are those among you that take inspiration from game characters. Their endeavours and fights; their grit and beliefs... Sometimes their rightousness and sometimes their corruption... It all influences in our daily affairs. For instance, when I finally decided what to work on, Kel’Thuzad, however a really side character at Warcract, has come to my mind. And more intrestingly I have’nt played Warcraft for many years now. This shows how entangled my mind is with the games I have played.

Games are not like literature or films. They are neither made by people who might have had political motives to change things; nor they are consumed by people who would like to see things different. By ‘Games and Politics’ I rather mean politics in games. To put it more clearly, games often potray a universe; it may sometimes be the same universe with a different timeline; it may be a magical universe with orcs, elves and demons; or it may take place a millenia later. But there is always politics if there are thinking creatures. It is an exciting thought experiment for a social scientist to investigate politics in imaginary worlds.