#and now I can't even remember the last time I went to church :D

[theprodigxl-daughter]

every so often i like to go back to the beginning of this blog and it's kind of incredible to see that, eventually, everything DID get better. the world did not end when I was 19, feeling like the worst sinner in the world. it kept going, and so did I.

[multifanhoe99]

Kinktober Day 13- Religious Play

Pairings: Priest!Hyunjin x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Sacrilege, mentions of masturbation, degradation mixed with praise, spanking, hair pulling, facial, hard dom!Hyunjin, squirting, nicknames (my child, Father, my pet, my love, literally all the other times he calls the reader a whore and a slut).

=Let me know if I missed any.=

18+ MDNI

PROMPT LIST

MASTERLIST

You were nervous while waiting in line. Ironically you were sweating like a sinner in church because that is exactly what you were at this moment. You were waiting to give your confession. How long had it even been since your last one; you couldn't remember. You took a deep breath and stepped into the confessional. Settling on the kneeler you waited for the priest to speak.

Soon, you heard the sound of the other door opening and closing. Then, you heard, "Hello, my child."

"Forgive me Father for I have sinned. I am not sure how long since my last confession," you replied.

"Very well, tell me your sins," he said. His voice was like velvet, and it sounded so familiar. You couldn't quite place where you had heard it before.

"I have sinned so much and I am afraid that I keep sinning," you said feeling ashamed.

He responds softly, "Please, explain."

You gulped, "I keep having impure thoughts, and they aren't just about anyone. They are about a man of the cloth. Sometimes, I even pleasure myself at the thought of what I would like for him to do to me."

"A man of the cloth, you say? My, my, that is serious. Who might this man be," he replies.

"It is Father Hwang," you say, "I can't seem to get him out of my mind. I want to kiss his beautiful lips, I want him to whisper filthy words to me. Mostly, I want to know what his body looks like under his robes. I also wonder what sort of lover he might be. Will he be soft and gentle or will he be rough and commanding?"

"Well," he pauses, "This is a very serious sin, my child. I will have to come to your side to give your penance as it requires me to lay hands on you. I am sure you understand."

"Yes, of course, Father," you said and waited for him to walk the short distance from his side to yours. When he walked in you looked up to meet his gaze. The sight in front of you was shocking and made you embarrassed. Stood there before you was none other than Hwang Hyunjin himself, the man you have been fantasizing about for weeks now.

He walks up to you. He towers over you even more so than usual as you are still kneeling. "Now my pet," he begins his voice taking on a more sultry tone, "I have the perfect penance for you and I think you'll really enjoy it. Go ahead and turn back around." You did as you were told. You turned back around still kneeling and your elbows returned to resting on the elevated part of the kneeler so that you were in the perfect praying position.

Hyunjin stood behind you and then whispered into your ear, "You know, the only way to get rid of these impure thoughts and fantasies is to act them out. That way there is no more curiosity and then we shall be forgiven after prayer." You couldn't believe what you heard it made you nervous and excited at the same time. Mostly excited though as you could feel a wet spot growing in your panties at the thought.

"I want you to give me one Our Father and don't stop no matter what happens do you understand," he asks while pulling down your panties and flipping up your skirt to reveal your bare ass to him.

You began, Our Father, *SMACK* a loud and hard spank landed on your right ass cheek. It was painful but it also felt so good so you continued. Who art in heaven *SMACK* h-hallowed be thy name *SMACK* th-th-thy kingdom c-come *SMACK* thy will be d-done *SMACK* on eeeearth as it issss in heaven *SMACK* This went on until you had finished the prayer. All he had done was spank you and it had you dripping down the side of your legs. You were already so fucked out and he had barely started.

"Well done my naughty little slut," he said praising you and degrading you all at once, "You are doing so well for me. Now, turn back around for me? That's it, it's now time to purify that pretty little mouth of yours." He kisses you deeply while he undoes the belt, zipper, and button on his pants and pulls them and his underwear down just enough for his cock to spring free. His lips tasted like cherries and you wondered if his cock was just as sweet. As if he had read your mind he pulled away from the kiss and replaced his lips on your with the head of his cock. You gladly accepted it into your mouth.

"Look at you," he said while lazily moving his hips to fuck your mouth, "You are just a greedy little cock whore for me aren't you?" You nodded and he smirked. He held on to your hair which was put up into a ponytail and began moving his hips faster. His thrust were fast and deep he hit the back of your throat each time. You were slobbering and gagging all over his cock and he had to pull out sooner than he wanted to or else you would have made him cum before he even got the chance to pound your sweet little pussy. You choked and sputtered when he pulled out trying to catch your breath. You were a fucked out mess. Tears streaming down your face mixing in with the drool falling from your chin. Not to mention your pupils were blown wide and you were so wet it was dripping even more down the side of your leg.

"Turn back around," he commanded and you obeyed, "I am going to fuck this pretty pussy until you beg for me to stop. Look at this you're soaked I bet I could just slide right in. You'd like that wouldn't you?" You couldn't even speak anymore opting to nod vigourously in response. He lined himself up with your entrance and pushed through your walls. He was right, you were so wet he slid all the way in with no problem. He still gave you a moment to adjust before setting a rapid pace. He wasted no time roughly slamming into you while one hand pulled back on your ponytail and the other snaked around your front to play with your clit. The pleasure was overwhelming and just when you thought you couldn't take anymore he found the angle that had him hitting the spot that made you see stars. Everything all together had you screaming and clenching tightly around him and he knew you were getting close.

"You want to cum, slut? Beg for it, if you beg I shall grant it to you," he said.

"Ple-plea-please Father, let me cum I can't hold it any longer please let me c-cum please please please," you begged him.

"Very good," he praised, "Go ahead, cum for me. Cum all over my cock like the good little whore you are." His words were all you needed to have the biggest orgasm you've ever had. You were pretty sure you blacked out for a moment it was so good. Your eyes rolled back and you had squirted all over him. It was mind-blowing. He pulled out and started stroking himself.

"Are you ready for your final blessing," he asked, stroking faster. You nodded, closed your eyes, and opened your mouth. He came a few pumps later all over your face.

"Go now in peace," he said smiling at you.

"Thank you, Father," you said," We need to do this again sometime Hyunnie. I came so hard, look at the mess we made. This was the best roleplay idea ever."

"I agree, my love," he said, "Now, let's get cleaned up and we can worry about this mess later."

You laughed and reached for him so he could help you up, "I think it will have to be a bath though. I actually don't think that I can walk or stand up on my own right now." One thing was for sure after tonight, you would both definitely be doing this again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: HOLY SHIT!!! Bless the anon who suggested this because I had a blast writing it! This man literally makes me so feral and just imagining this while writing had me feeling some type of way! Anyway, my asks are still open please send some stuff in so I have things to do when Kinktober is over.

[jabbage]

What are the top 5 most middle class things that have ever happened to you?

Ooooooh good question... now I'm going to do the most British thing ever and preface it with a short essay providing half my life story, out of a sense of denial.

Both sides of my family are staunchly working class, as far back as I can find records. They were farm labourers and dock workers and hopped in and out of workhouses. My mum worked housekeeping and cleaning jobs, and my Dad managed to snag a white collar job in a factory out of school (because he's really clever).

But then two complications -

My Dad became a clergyman. This meant that we got to live in nice houses owned by the church he worked for, sometimes in quite affluent areas. We didn't have much money, but still.

2. I managed to get into Oxford University with a gazillion bursaries tied to my parent's low income. I then used the bursary money to fund doing a master's degree, and now I work in academia.

So, am I middle class? I'm begrudgingly realising that I might be? Except if I am I feel like middle class people shouldn't be constantly worrying that their now-retired parents can't afford to switch the heating on, or whether they'll ever live in their own home. And it's alienated me from my extended family, who have jumped to the conclusion that I think I'm better than them.

Anyway, the top 5 most middle class things that have ever happened to me.

One

Last year I got invited to an anniversary meal at my Oxford college, called a gaudy. I nearly didn't go because my time at uni was not very happy and I don't remember some of my contemporaries fondly, but then I figured that if I go, next time I read Dorthy L Sayers excellent book "Gaudy Night," I will have better brain-pictures. So, the setting, for your own brain-pictures:

Latin grace was sung before the meal, which comprised of salmon confit, followed by venison, followed by black forest gateau, followed by fruit and chocolates and port.

I was sat next to a nice middle aged man with an OBE. When he asked me "So, what do you do?" I decided not to say the job which *actually* pays my bills, but to reply with my evening job: that I make comics. I felt like this was a fun thing to say in a room full of people who Work In The City etc etc.

Except it turned out that he runs one of the UK's biggest comic arts festivals. He offered me free tickets. He offered to put me in touch with publishers. He offered to introduce me to significant people.

And I was like.... oh. Is this how it happens? Like, you're in an Oxford college and you just RUN INTO a posh bloke who Knows People and that's how you finally get a book deal???

Anyway I went to the festival. They had a panel on a yacht. And talked to people, or rather had people talk over me. So many times they'd ask me a question, and then interrupt before I'd given my answer. And I dislike schmoozing SO MUCH.

So uh, yeah, no book deal ;D YET

Two

One time I was wearing my college scarf while I was walking around Durham, and I ended up meeting a very cute elderly couple who went to the same college forty-five years earlier (well, the husband did, the wife wouldn't have been allowed.) They invited my to a dinner party at their house, which turned out to be a very cute little town-house by the river with five stories.

At the time I was doing my Master's degree, and they became kind of surrogate parents who I could call in on for a free hot meal and good conversation. But it was entirely sparked by "going to the same college at Oxford" which is very ew.

Three

Idk there was just this one time I was coming home on the train from having seen the Royal Shakespeare Company's latest production of Much Ado About Nothing and I stopped off somewhere to get sushi and I spent the whole time staring at a wall thinking "What have I become?"

Getting tickets to the ballet from a colleague slots into this catagory, I think.

Four

One time I was asked to open a village fete because the local lady of the manor couldn't make it.

Why me? Apparently "local clergyman's daughter" and "went to Oxford" and "draws silly pictures sometimes" was enough to make me a local celebrity.

I got to give a little speech and judge some cakes and everything.

Five

One time I got invited to a dinner party at CS Lewis' house, the Kilns, and I met his lovely secretary Walter Hooper. I remember being shown around and having a deep impulse to check the backs of all the wardrobes.

When I first went in it was through a door that led straight into his bedroom, and I was told that I could take my coat off and just toss it on the bed. No sooner had I done so than my guide mused, "CS Lewis died in that bed."

So I guess I own a coat that has been on the bed where CS Lewis died, is that middle class?!! Idk

[anoonimthepoorchad]

This is the post I want you all to spread as much as you can. Do anything but I want it to be seen as much as possible. I don't care for any of my other posts as much as for this one. IF I DIE I WANT THIS POST TO BE SEEN. I WANT THE WORLD TO HEAR.

This is the memory of a 16 year old girl Katya from Mariupol. I translated it to English and I cried while translating. Please read this. Don't scroll. Don't be ignorant and indifferent.

Do you know the feeling of pain? Once I fell in love with a boy but he didn't love me back, and I thought that it was painful. Turned out that the real pain is to see your mother dying with your own eyes. And to see your brother coming to her again and again, asking her: "Mommy, please, don't sleep, you'll freeze". And we'll never visit her grave. She got left in the cold and dark basement.

We peed, slept and ate our last portions of food in the same basement.

Once uncle Kolya caught a pigeon, I think on the fifth or sixth day, and we fried it and we ate it. And then we all puked.

Mom held on until the end, she died three days before we evacuated.

I told my brother that she's sleeping deeply and that we shouldn't wake her up. But, I think, he understood everything. He understood back then when our lady neighbor died and we couldn't put her outside and she started smelling. And then it became quiet for awhile, uncle Kolya put her outside and got blown up by a hidden grenade (my note, this word "rastyajka" means a grenade with a string attached to it, not a stray bomb. It was put to kill civilians coming out from the basements). Mom cried a lot. After Dad's death, uncle Kolya was the closest person to us.

The dead bodies stink so much.

They were everywhere. I closed my brother's eyes with Mom's scarf so he didn't have to see it. When we were running I almost threw up several times.

I don't believe in your god anymore.

If he existed, we wouldn't have had to suffer so much. My Mother never, you hear me, NEVER did anything bad. She never even left uncle Kolya in another room until she got married. She went to church and confessed often, and so did I. Uncle Kolya gave up smoking so Mom wouldn't worry about him sinning. And your god took her away. The pastor told me something about her helping god there, but it would be so much better for her to help god here, by bringing us up.

I hate russia.

My own uncle is there. Do you know what he said to me today on the phone? "Katya? Which Katya? Girl, I don't know you. What war, which Katya?". And then he wrote me from a different number: "Katya, don't write me. It's dangerous for me and my family. And your mom won't come back".

I hate them! It was his own sister?! How possibly can a person do this???

You know what? I think I'm going to come back to Mariupol. And I'm gonna live on the same place as before. And everyday come into the basement of the new building to put flowers.

It's also scary when the kids cry when it's forbidden. It's forbidden because we needed to not be heard.

These monsters found people in the basements and killed them. Those, who survived, told us that the russian soldiers could rape kids, the elderly and even dead bodies.

If there is a god, why does he let it happen?

I don't want to live anymore. We may be separated now, I suppose. I may not ever see my brother again. And why? Why did this putin "save" us? We lived so well, we even bought a car. Uncle Kolya promised to teach me how to drive. And they even burned the car. And our flat is no more. I want to die and I can't.

Please, hug your kids! Otherwise when you die, they might not remember your smell. If I handle it all and have kids, — I'm going to hug them 24/7.

***

This is it. Now it's time for you to do your part. Do a tag game, tag all your mutuals, do EVERYTHING BECAUSE THIS SHIT IS IMPORTANT. THIS IS MY HONEST HUMAN SCREAM TO YOU AND I SCREAM TO YOU TO SPREAD THIS MEMORY. THIS IS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS, NOT OSCARS, NOT MEMES, NOT EVERYDAY LIFE. EVERY DAY OF WAR, EVERY DAY WE DON'T GET OUR VICTORY IS THE DAY WE LOST MORE OF OUR INNOCENT PEOPLE. MAKE A GODDAMN CHANGE, PEOPLE!!!

Yours truly

[yobaba30]

Diary From Mariupol ...

Read this story till the end. During WWII some children were making diaries from concentration camps & occupied cities by nazis. History is repeating. This is a diary of Katya, a 16 years old girl from Mariupol, whose mother died in the basement👇😢 “You know that feeling when it hurts? I once fell in love with a boy, but he didn’t fall in love with me, and I thought it hurt. But it turned out that it hurts to see your mother die in front of you”, says 16 y.o. girl from Mariupol, a hell on earth 1/11 My brother keeps coming up to mom, saying, “Mommy, don’t sleep, you will freeze”. We will never visit her grave. She has remained in the damp and dark basement. We went to the toilet, slept, ate leftovers in the same basement 2/11 Once uncle Kolya caught a pigeon, and we fried it and ate it. And then we all vomited. Mom held on to the last, 3 days before our evacuation, she died. I told my brother that she was asleep and should not be awakened. But he seems to have understood it all. 3/11 …Our neighbor died, and we could not carry her outside, and she began to smell. When it got quiet uncle Kolya carried her out, and himself got killed on a trip wire. Mom cried a lot. After dad died uncle Kolya was the closest person. 4/11 … corpses stink so much. They were everywhere. I covered my brother's eyes with my mother's scarf so that he would not see this. While we were running, I nearly vomited several times. I no longer believe in your God. Had he existed, we wouldn't have suffered so much. 5/11 My mom never, you hear, never did anything wrong. She went to church. Uncle Kolya quit smoking so that mom wouldn`t be nervous that it`s a sin. And your God took her away. The priest said my mom now serving God, but it`d be better if she were to serve him here, raising us.6/11 I hate russia. My own uncle is there. Do you know what he told me on phone today? "Katya? What Katya? Girl, I don't know you. What war, what Katya? And then he wrote from the a burner phone,“Katya, do not write to me. It is dangerous for me and my family. Your mom is gone.” 7/11 I hate them! She was his sister!? How is that possible? … you know, I think that I will return to Mariupol. And I will live in the same place. And every time, on the same day, I will go down to the basement of a new house to lay flowers. 8/11 It's also scary when children cry. You can't be heard. These freaks searched for people in basements and killed them. Those who survived said that the russian military were able to rape children and the elderly, and even corpses. If there is a God, why does He allow this? 9/11 I don't want to live anymore. We'll probably be separated now. And I might not see my brother. What for? Why was this putin saving us? We lived well, we even bought a car. Uncle Kolya promised to teach me how to drive. They even burned the car. And the apartment is gone. 10/11 I want to die, but I can't. … hug your kids! Otherwise, you may be gone, and they will not remember your smell. If I endure and later have children, I will be hugging them all the time "... Source: life.nv.ua/ukr/znamenitos…

[watchyourbluesturngolden]

songs that make me think of vampy and why

this is for drea and leyla ONLY thank u

daylight- taylor swift "i don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you, i don't wanna think of anything else now that i thought of you" bc vampy loves her so much he only wants her 😔 midnight love- girl in red "I know I'm the last one you try to call but I always give in to give you it all" "your silver is my gold" bc miss chiropractor treated him terribly but he loved her with everything and would have gone back to her no matter what watch you sleep- girl in red this one is obvious: bc vampy watches bloodbag sleep :) also "the scar on your spine, you fell off a roof when you were nine" is all appreciating the tiny details about someone and that is definitely something vampy would do :( paper rings: taylor swift "i hate accidents except when we went from friends to this" line without a hook- ricky montgomery "oh baby i am a wreck when i'm without you" bc vampy loves bloodbag so much he just wants to be with her always 😔 dead girl in the pool- girl in red this one is kinda weird but i feel like bloodbag is gonna die at some point and then vampy will just be like "theres a dead girl in the pool (or wherever her corpse is laying slfjskldfjkldsj) i don't know what to do" and then he's gonna make this face

bad habits- ed sheeran bc he was just slutting around before he met bloodbag demons- imagine dragons dont make fun of me for this I KNOW but fr it's vampy renegade- taylor swift "you wouldn't be the first renegade to need somebody" he needs bloodbag 😔 starting line- luke hemmings i can't really explain this one but it's like how you always talk about how his happiness is overshadowed by the fact that he's a monster or whatever million dollar bills - lorde "theres nothing i want but money and time" and vampy has literally all the money and time :) solar power- lorde this is harrys hot girl anthem idk happiness- taylor swift "there'll be happiness after you, but there was happiness because of you" this is him reminiscing on miss chiropractor i wanna get better-bleachers "i didn't know i was lonely til i saw your face" "I didn't know i was broken til i wanted to change" come on 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 good 4 u - olivia rodrigo this is his fuck u song for miss chiropractor my tears ricochet- taylor swift "if i'm dead to you why are you at the wake" it's ironic innit 😌 what a feeling- one direction "what a feeling to be right here beside you now, holding you in my arms" please 😔 "everybody needs someone around" 😔😔😔 "but i can't hold you too close now" bc he has severe attachment and commitment issues :) all you had to do was stay- taylor swift "had me in the palm of your hand, then, why'd you have to go and lock me out when i let you in" omg miss chiropractor really hurt him 😔 king of my heart- taylor swift "and all at once you are the one i have been waiting for" bloodbag @ vampy 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 cruel summer- taylor swift "I love you ain't that the worst thing you ever heard" bc he knows getting close to bloodbag will ultimately only lead to pain for everyone involved "i don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you" bc he can't tell bloodbag everything about him even tho he probably wants to :( thank u next- arianna grande this is weird BUT if miss chiropractor hadn't fucked him up so much he never would have met bloodbag tear in my heart- 21 pilots again don't make fun of me for this I HAVE AN EXPLANATION "you fell asleep in my car i drove the whole time but that's okay i'll just avoid the holes so you sleep fine" if bloodbag fell asleep in his car he would definitely do this :( shape of you-ed sheeran "now my bedsheets smell like you" his room probably smells like honey and lavender all the time now and he's probably foaming at the mouth constantly cowboy in LA "let's skip the club, lets skip the crowd, i wanna take you on a date" bc they both hate clubs!!!!! "I'll hold your hand I'll hold the door bc that's how i was raised" he's a gentleman 😔😔😔😔 & burn- billie eilish "i'll sit and watch your car burn with the fire that you started in me, but you never came back to ask it out" idk for some reason this has vampy and miss chiropractor vibes take me to church- hozier religious trauma babes 🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼 speechless- dan+shay "i'm speechless, staring at you standing there in that dress" love 😔 yours- russel dickerson "i came to life when i first kissed you, the best me has his arms around you, you make me better than i was before, thank god i'm yours" SCREAMING AND CRYING AND SHAKING tolerate it- taylor swift "i know my love should be celebrated, but you tolerate it" MISS ******** DIDN"T APPRECIATE OR CELEBRATE HIS LOVE MIA- anarbor "thinking about my life and everything i did wrong along the way"😔 lay low- josh turner for when bloodbag and vampy go to a cabin in the woods for a week and just love each other 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 who can save me now- anarbor "you stabbed me in the back" this one is pretty literal LSKFJLKSJFLKDSJ "you could have at least been kind enough to let me turn around" ouch 😔 dopamine- anarbor "i'm hooked on your dopamine" vampy and bloodbag ugh lie to me- 5sos this give me vampy and ******** vibes "i wish we never met, cause you're too hard to forget" "while i'm cleaning up your mess i know he's taking

off your dress" bc she probably cheated on him while they were together 😔 and he would have stayed with her if she told him she loved him, even if he knew it was a lie 😔 cotton candy- yungblud it's just a happy song with good vibes like bloodbag and vampy currently have :) small talk- niall horan i don't even have to say anything here pillowtalk- zayn "so we'll piss off the neighbors" chappy 9 vibes dancing with our hands tied- taylor swift "i loved you in spite of deep fears that the world would divide us" vampy rn 😔 once in a lifetime- one direction vampy will live a million lifetimes but he will only ever have one bloodbag 😔 holy ground- taylor swift "tonight i'm gonna dance for all that we've been through but I don't wanna dance if i'm not dancing with you" they've come so far omg 😔 since we're alone- niall horan "you can show me your heart, if you put it all in my hands no i swear no i won't break it apart" crying if i could fly- one direction "for your eyes only i'll show you my heart" rollercoaster- bleachers again i can't explain it but it makes me think of him 😔 so long- niall horan "so if we knew all along why did it take so long" good question bestie current location- LANY "i need your current location to be my current location" they're idiots in love and want to be together all the time 😔 why dont we go there- one direction "hey i don't want you to be the one that got away i wanna get addicted to you you're rushing through my mind i wanna feel the high i wanna be addicted" well hes already addicted to her blood so might as well like you lots- LANY bc they both have issues and can't say love lmao too much to ask- niall horan vampy though wanting love was too much to ask of miss chiropractor 😔 walking in the wind- one direction this one just has his vibes man 😔 heartbeat- carrie underwood "dancing to the rhythm of your heartbeat" bc vampy is obsessed with listening to bloodbag's heart (fan behavior if you ask me) idfc- blackbear this is vampy and ******** bc "tell me that you love me even if it's fake" city of angels- 24kgoldn "i sold my soul to the devil for designer" yes this made me laugh the woods- olivver the kid "waking up in the middle of the woods" "don't you wanna get out of here, out of the woods" flashback to when he was dead in the woods oop "you brought me down to the river, and you pushed me in, hoping that the white rapids would challenge my ability to swim" bc... she's a murderer omg this verse is talking about leaves and i'm freaking out it fits 100% this is crazy "You pick up two handfuls You tell me they're all dried up & dead You know that's nothing like us We'll live forever instead" just a little bit of your heart- ariana grande vampy bc he loves so deeply and completely that he will give all of himself to someone even if they won't do the same my strange addiction- billie eilish bc he is addicted to her blood :) cross your mind- niall horan this is vampy and ******** "love the way you hurt me and it doesn't even cross your mind" "leaving me in pieces (literally lmao) but i swear it's worth it every time" everywhere- niall horan that scene where vampy smelled some perfume or soap or something and it made him think of bloodbag 😔 everything makes him think of her now 😔 "swear it's hard to think it's hard to breathe when you're in the air" put a little love on me- niall horan "you're the only one i need" 😔 bend the rules- niall horan VAMPY AND ******** ALL THE WAY "i'm not saying that you're lying but you're leaving out the truth" heartbreak weather- niall horan "all of my life i've been sleepwalk living, running around the same bars i've been in, it can be so lonely in this city, but it feels different when you're with me" bloodbag and vampy 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 mr loverman- ricky montgomery "i miss my lover man" vampy is probably dramatic like this all the time now that they're official 😔 bad blood- taylor swift again, just for the irony 😌 vapor- 5sos "i want to breathe you in like a vapor i want to be the one you remember i want to feel

your love like the weather all over me" they're so in love like this 😔 catch fire- 5sos "all my life i've been waiting for moments to come" he's been waiting for bloodbag his entire life 😔 beside you-5sos "i wish i was beside you" they want to be together all the time 😔 black and white- niall horan "that first night i was standing at your door fumbling for your keys then i kissed you" ARE YOU KIDDING ME not in the same way- 5sos this is vampy and ******** just bc they were so toxic lkfjskldfjsdlkjf lonely heart-5sos "and i haven't slept in days" lmao ghost of you-5sos "my feet dont dance like they did with you" thinking about when vampy danced for bloodbag and what if they break up 👁️👁️ why wont you love me- 5sos vampy at ******** 😔 he just wanted to be loved 😔😔😔😔😔 fool's gold- one direction "i let you use me from the day that we first met" "i know your love's not real, but that's not the way it feels" STOP IM SAD last first kiss- one direction "let me be your last first kiss" i want them to be together forever 😔 truly madly deeply- one direction "foolishly completely falling and somehow you kicked all my walls in" bloodbag really snuck into his heart huh 😔 fireproof -one direction "nobody saves me baby the way you do" ugh 😔 long story short-taylor swift "clung to the nearest lips long story short it was the wrong guy" (or in vampy's case the wrong vampire) gold rush-taylor swift "and the coastal town we run around has never seen a love as pure as it" bloodbag and vampy are all i want 😔 no judgement- niall horan bc vampy would never judge bloodbag 😔 daddy issues- the neighborhood again im not even gonna say anything here new angel- niall horan "the touch of someone else to save me from myself" this is vampy 😔 god is a woman- ariana grande vampy after he brought bloodbag home the first time something like this- the chainsmokers "just something i can turn to, somebody i can kiss" ALL VAMPY WANTS IS LOVE sweater weather- the neighborhood idk this song makes me think of him all of me- john legend "all of me loves all of you all your curves and all your edges all your perfect imperfections" KSFLKSDJFKLDJSFLJSDKLFJDSKL i like me better- lauv "i like me better when i'm with you" she makes him a better person 😔 sex- eden "oh no, i think i'm catching feelings" vampy when bloodbag went on a date with someone else half a heart- one direction bc bloodbag completes him 😔 theyre so disgusting 😔 only angel- harry styles "turns out she's a devil in between the sheets" woman- harry styles vampy when she was on a date with someone else bc hes a jealous moron temporary fix- one direction this has chappy 1-2 vibes a.m.-one direction when they first started falling in love and he wanted to be with her more often 😔 something great- one direction "i want you here with me like how i pictured it so i don't have to keep imagining" through the dark- one direction just all of this song 😔 happily- one direction "you know i wanna be the one who holds you when you sleep i just want it to be you and i forever" 😔 electric love- borns "i can't let you go now that i got it" canyon moon- harry styles they're just happy like this rn 😔 sunflower vol. 6- harry styles "kiss in the kitchen like it's a dancefloor" "mouth full of toothpaste" when they brushed their teeth together 😔 adore you- harry styles obviously

[storiesaboutrachelcarolann]

Where I found God

I haven't felt like writing so such lately, I've felt as though I was and am going through another dark night of the soul or into another void so to speak, but yesterday I was sitting on my couch and the thought came to me

about doing another blog explaining about where I found God and how I still am for the most part.

When I was younger, just a child not yet a teenager, as far back as I can remember I started going to church with Grammy Smith pretty much every Sunday, both of my Grandmother's were religious and heavily believed in The Lord.

They believed in him far more then I ever had until this last few year of my life.

I never really felt like I belonged in a church pew, I felt out of place somewhat, but I did have a favourite song from the song books, it was called Jesus Loves Me, whenever I would go to church with Grammy I would ask the Pastor to play it for me, each one of them always did for me, the thing that bothered me the most was whenever they'd play it we wouldn't be half way through and I would have to go into the Sunday School room which was in the back of the church, that room is actually where I spent a far bit of time with Grammy and the women who used to make quilts, I believe it was every other Saturday. This room is where I experienced my first drink of tea and man I tell you to this day I still can't seem to drink tea. We'd all have lunch there on those day's as well. I remember being surrounded by old ladies who just wanted to make beautiful quilts and feel a part of a community.

I went to church with Grammy, Aunt Karen, Kyla and Nichole. Their Dad, Andy was religious as well, but he was raised Catholic, so he didn't attend that church often, maybe he did once or twice for a special event. I spent a lot of my time at Karen's with Kyla and Nichole especially during the summer Dad would let me go over with Gram so I could go swimming, it was fun. I remember one time Kyla fed a sparrow from her hand, she had to lay flat on the ground.

As I have spoke of Grammy Smith being gifted and all I didn't realize this until a few years ago, she really was a child of God as we all are, she never turned anyone away, or spoke badly of anyone, she really tried to live her life being a good person and following God's word.

Nanny Coldwell (Cook) did too, but I always found Grammy my go to, she was my favourite in a lot of ways, I had a really strong deep rooted connection with her more so, I didn't really understand it all when I was growing up, but it's because she knew I was gifted and she just never spoke of it, she'd always do things that hinted it a few times, but not until recently have I noticed. It's really exciting to think back on this, it gives me a little bit of a lift and it makes me happy. She knew everything.

I was always found outdoors most of the time when I was at Dad's, Grammy's was right next door. I would always find myself wondering down over the hill to her place and as I got a little older I wanted to be there more than at Dad's. Grammy was my sunshine, she made me feel whole, she'd dry up my tears when I'd come down crying because Dad was being Dad when he drank.

The church that we used to go to was at the foot of White Rock Mountain, it's not hard to miss at the intersection, I still remember the pew we'd all sit in, I still remember singing in the choir, I used to love singing. Grammy would always smile and sing along even when we were just practicing. I remember Kyla and I sitting in the smaller of two living rooms in a chair at her Mom and Dad's old house together singing Drummer Boy and there was another one, but I can't remember the name right now. I have a few pretty good memories I guess you could say with Kyla, we grew a part as I got older and in High School I didn't go up to Grammy's as much, I stopped going to church, I still believed there was a God, I just didn't think it was like the one they talk about in The Bible, I don't believe he sits on a throne up above.

Even though I didn't go to church, looking back now I see God was following me everywhere, he is and was always there.

My Mom and Dad were believers, but they didn't go to church at all, maybe when they were little - younger, but they didn't when I was born, maybe they lost a little faith, Dad took more of the Devil's side. Mom would always say, everything is going to workout, everything will be fine and it generally always did workout, maybe not in the ways we had always hoped for, but it seemed to workout even better.

Grammy's favourite song was Why Me Lord, and I think Nanny's was Come To The Garden, I hope that is the proper name or even the right song. I remember as I got older I began to become suppressed I guess you could say some of the time. I didn't know what to believe in full, but I did know there was something way more complexed then what we've been told about or have even seen.

In The Bible it speaks about visions, etc, but I feel that they have edited out important parts, I feel over time we've been brain washed and we never really get the oppurtonity to really see what we're all so capable of because we're held back in a lot of ways.

There was a time in my life where I went down the wrong path, probably more then once, but I was always led back and I always found myself doing what was right in the end. When I was addicted to drugs that was a very dark period in my life, but I do remember a few times taking out The Book, which is The Bible, but worded differently, it's easier to understand, I think maybe that's why I never connected with the other ones that are out there. I remember one day sitting on Mom's old deck, I read half The Book. It lifted me up when I would read certain phrases, but even then it I didn't really connect to the fullest because I didn't understand yet fully, I kept doing what I was doing. I didn't change. I remember Justin saying that when he was addicted to crack, The Bible saved him, it saved his life. I guess it did and has in someways, but he hadn't been able to really connect perhaps at that point or even now. Believing is more of a feeling instead of a doing if that makes any sense to someone out there?

I believe God was taking his time with me, he knew I couldn't be pushed, if I am pushed or pulled, I push back harder. I'm stubborn.

When I decided to come clean about my addiction that afternoon at Joe's in Wolfville, I always said it was Dad's voice, but I believe in order for me to have heard him God would have had to do something to allow it right?

As I got cleaner and clearer, I started seeing more shadows or weird things I guess you'd say, sometimes it would creep me out. I now know that was God, Spirit trying to communicate with me. Even now it still scares me sometimes, because I grew up thinking it was wrong and it's never wrong. You just have to keep God in your life and use these powers we all have on a positive level. Always come from a good space, always come from light, darkness will not go where there's light right?

When I moved down to Weymouth I was at my lowest, I had lost and walked away from everything that meant the world to me, but it was supposed to have happened that way, I understand that now. I was mad at God for awhile, especially when I decided to end it with Robin and be here on my own. Nothing seemed to be working out at all.

Being alone did scare me alot and it still does at times, but I am working on becoming stronger, I would say that God has sent every person, animal or a complete stranger an angel in disguise so I wouldn't feel so alone even when I am, I know I am not the only one who feels alone even when you're surrounded by people who love you. The people that you should have in your life are the ones who lift you up, the ones who bring out the best in you, the ones who forgive you even when you cross the lines and the people you need are the ones like you in many ways.

God isn't how most think he is, God is even more powerful then we can ever know or see.

I feel it's safe to say that in all the places I've lived, this place where I currently am is where I really found the true God, he's tested me, he's challenged me, he's pushed me to step outside of my comfort zone. He also has connected me with my Dad and other loved ones who meant the world to me, he has never once left my side.

Spirit is on inside of us all, Spirit is in everything we see, everything we touch, every breath we take. We sometimes just need a little bit of a wake up call and time alone in a quite to really experience who. I've learned what the real Lord is about and capable of. I've learned that everything that comes towards us must pass through his hands first good or bad. If it's bad it's up to us to change it into something good, send it unconditional love and inspiration. It's up to us to change anything and everything we're really supposed to and we're never ment to back down ever.  

I still have a lot of changes to make, I still have a lot of things to release, I still have more growing left to do and it's in this house I will do the rest of that. Changes happen when you allow, changes happen when you are open and when you really want to experience the real feeling of God, it is a feeling mostly, God will fill you up over time and everything is able to communicate with you if you just listen and pay attention.

Sitting here writing this today, I actually had this thought come to me, yes, I have gone down the lowest of lows and perhaps the deepest of lows are still to come, but each time I come out of the darkness, I shine brighter, my faith and hope is elevated even higher, even more than before. A certain place can only allow you to grow for so long and once that chapter is complete you must move on and go to another chapter right? Never be upset with waiting, never be sad because when you have totally allowed God into your life he will make things even better then expected, he will give even more than you've ever asked for.

I consider life really like a game, it has levels, it has good and bad ones, it has a host, our host is God, Spirit or The Lord, he's in all things. The saying goes, God gives his strongest battles to his strongest soldiers because he knows you're able to defeat anything. I believe that is true. It has happened many times for me, has it happened to you? I've always somehow found my strength and turned my weakness or weaknesses into something proud, solid and steady.

Think about your home, the food you eat, etc isn't that God? Isn't that him? When there's no clearing in sight, magically there's a breakthrough just when you least expect it right? Everything always works out in perfectly orchestrated divine timing.

I have had two separate experiences with Jesus, I've seen him twice in visions, it was amazing, he's full of light, happiness and ever lasting love, some say God is him, he's all one, that may be true, what do you think or feel? Is he one? I believe God and Jesus are blended together and are one.

Everything always happens for a reason, we all have a mission or a purpose to discover during our time here on earth, I feel that we all should be more open and celebrate The Lord in different ways. I feel he's everywhere and he's about to rise me higher then I have ever been and he's continuing to heal me and make me whole again. I trust in the unknown now, I trust I will be guided to where I must go and I trust that the right people will come to me, I will never have to chase and go after what I want again, it will come to me and that's a true belief.

Today I hope you take a moment and sit in a quiet space, take a few deep breaths and close your eyes, picture yourself going into a room full of light, close the door behind you and just see what Jesus and The Lord have to show you or tell you. May you become healed, may you become full in all ways again. Make up your own prayer, make up your path, I think that's where people get lost because they don't really connect with the one we've been told to go on, we'll all end up at the same place if we do good and push love and light from our very soul outward.

You're never lost, you aren't forgotten, you'll be okay, lift your chin up and raise your hands to the sky and allow Spirit to surround you, it'll feel like a strong wind or breeze making circular motions around your body, maybe more like a spiral effect coming up from the bottom, starting small and then growing bigger, it'll rise you up and protect you. You're always protected, loved and never forget God is with you!

Love "The Empress"

[annonmaly]

Spoilers Ahead!

Hi, fellow bored humans! Today is another day to set aside our real-life problems and overthink matters about fictional situations. Because why not? Mochijun-Sensei can make us do that. So, last time I made a post questioning Misha's knowledge of Vani's self-hypnotism. So before anything else, I want to thank you guys who took the time to read, liked, and replied to that post. It is fun to read ideas that even I can not think about.

Grab a cup of coffee and be prepared for a long-ass non-sense.

I am calling human Vanitas = Vani, and Luna = Luna. The pronoun I use is "she" because I would not confuse myself. I know Luna said she is an enby so, do not fight me.

Today, I want to talk about Luna and her death. I know that we have too little information in our hands right now, but my brain cells can still assume something based on what we have. This thought came about with the premise that Luna is an Archiviste.

I can't think of anything that happened to them "that day", but I have a theory of why Vani killed Luna. To make things clear, I will summarize my assumptions and list them down. I made an explanation of each point. Supposedly, those would come first but I didn't expect it to be so long, that's why I decided to just put it at the end. You could ignore it if you want. Check it out if you are curious.

Luna is an Archiviste

Vani is protecting memory from his early childhood

Vani casts the hypnotism while/after he was training to be a chasseur but before Luna's death

Luna bit Vani the day she died

Do you see where I'm going with this?

Here is the idea: I think Vani killed Luna because she forced herself to drink Vani's blood for whatever reason and the self-hypnotism activated. Sound farfetched? Because it is, but I'll show you why I thought it this way.

This is my one and only proof. The eyes are almost the same, right? See, I told you I could make a long-ass post just from two panels. The left one is from the Bal-Masque arc before Vani made a scene. The right one is before Vani and Noe's death fight. I believe that Vani's hypnotism is triggered in both pictures. I actually hesitated if I should do this since Mochijun-Sensei really loves including similarities in the story. You see, Astolfo and Misha made the same eye. But all three of them have the same eyes the moment they thought about why they would kill a vampire.

Vani - to not allow anyone to steal his memory

Astolfo - because vampires shouldn't even exist

Misha - Noe didn't drink Vani's blood.

So yeah, whatever, I'll go ahead and write this one. Vani would be the main focus of this thing.

1. The way Vani's hallucination phrased this is interesting. We know Vani's father died protecting him. What about Luna? If Vani killed Luna intentionally or because of hate, she did not die "because" of Vani. Vani killed her. There's a difference between the two. Behind all that facade that Vani is showing, he's kind. He's not someone who could just kill anyone without any reason when he's in the right mind. Especially if that someone is the one who became his guardian and is helping him to find a cure to make his body normal. Initially, I thought that Luna had gone wild and reach the point of no return. That's why Vani had no other choice. Though if this is the reason, Luna still did not die because of Vani. Now, this phrase would only be right if Luna died protecting Vani or if something happened to Vani. How could this happen if she was killed by the one she's protecting. So, what if, instead of Luna going wild, Vani is the one breaking down. Thus, Luna had really no choice but to make Vani her kin. If she's an archiviste and Vani already casted the hypnotism. It would be triggered and so he had no choice but to kill Luna.

"You give yourself someone to protect that's why you're weak." -Vani to Jeanne

If Luna didn't save Vani and Misha, she might still be alive. If she chose to abandon or kill Vani (when Vani loses his mind), she might still be alive. But Luna chose to save him by making him her kin. She handicapped herself by choosing to protect Vani and she died by doing so.

2. Maybe Luna doesn't want to use this method because it involves blood drinking to leave her mark. If she's an Archiviste, perhaps her reason is the same as Noe does not drink blood "She doesn't want to look at anyone's memory without permission".

3.Vani was never an honest and straightforward guy. If there is someone/thing he wants to protect he wouldn't say it outright. Sometimes we would go full on beast mode, just to hide his real agenda. It already happened a lot (reread the manga for examples). So maybe the reason he strongly disagrees is that he knows that once Luna tries to bit her he would lose his mind and try to kill her.

4. This is just so heartbreaking. Look at how he cried. I think this is not a cry of relief. Vani is crying out of frustration. It's not because he wanted to kill Noe. For me, it's like Vani is saying "I killed Luna, why can't I kill now." I mean, he realized that this ordeal could be solved without killing the other party. But why didn't it happened before?

This is just a half baked theory so of course there are still things that could negate these panels:

If Luna is talking with Vani here, she makes him her kin even before dying. Since everything is so calm. Though I would ignore reality and think that Luna is talking with Misha here. I think that Misha became her kin first since he is breaking down first.

The flashback of Misha shouting at Vani, maybe this is just hallucinations. But if this is true, it means that they spent some time together after Luna's death. And yeah, all of this would be meaningless.

Explanation of each point

1. Luna is an Archiviste. The theory is already out there, so I wouldn't explain it anymore.

2. Vani is protecting memory from his early childhood & 3. Vani casts the hypnotism while/after he was training to be a chasseur but before Luna's death. Going back to my previous post, I mentioned that it is strange for Misha to know that Vani hypnotized himself if Luna is the one who begged Vani to not let anyone take his memory on her deathbed because:

a. The timeline doesn't coincide. The chance that Misha and Vani separated "that day" which is I believe the same day as Luna's death is high. So, there's no way Misha could know.

b. Misha forgot what happened "that day". However, it's not like Vani doesn't want Misha to remember. I don't know but I feel like everything would be civil if Misha didn't mention that he wants to revive Luna. That is the moment everything went a wrong turn.

It is likely that Luna already asked Vani days before "that day" and her death. The problem is if the three are together "why did she only ask Vani and not Misha?". Maybe, Luna and Vani have a shady secret that they don't share with Misha as he's too young. However, if the secret has something to do with Luna, Vani won't even mention something relating to it to Misha, I mean the kid knows exactly the trigger of self-hypnotism. Maybe Luna is not the one who asked Vani. I believe that someone already asked Vani before he entered the church to train as a chasseur. But "who" asked Vani is not my problem today it is "when".

So in short, I suppose that the memory Vani is protecting is something that only he knows at the moment, and it did not happen recently but goes way back in his early childhood. As retracexcviii pointed out, it looks like that the self-hypnotism technique Vani used is the same as what the chasseurs. So, Vani knows this technique way back before he became a lab rat.

Continuing on...

Don't judge but I wasted a considerable amount of time digging information about Vani's childhood (yup, I don't have a life outside). And I found nothing concrete that could help, however, as I said, I could make something out of what we have. So here we go.

In Vani's delirium due to high fever he finally opens up and we had a peak of his life before everything. There's nothing much here, just a simple story, but let's overanalyze this:

a. In the era they’re living in, vampires are not allowed to attack humans. People are even treating them as folklore or old people's tall tales. Thus, random vampire attacks are seldom. The attacks that we heard are from the cursed ones (e.g., Amelia and Thomas) or harboring resentment (I think this is why the vampires attacked Astolfo’s family). Well, the attack on Vani and co. may be a special case. Vani mentioned that chasseurs are hunting "dangerous" types of vampires that are rampaging in the human world. So, there may be a miscreant group of vampires somewhere that hates peace or being suppressed by humans. Right, Misha's mother was also killed by a vampire.

b. When Misha asked what's a band of traveling players then Luna answered that it's a bit like a circus. Vani answered that "It was nothing like...that formal". He hesitated for a moment, meaning, he wanted to say something different first, but he changed his mind. Or maybe he just can't find the right word. I know that someone already mentioned this, but did you know that according to Wikipedia "Charlatan is a seller of medicines who might advertise his presence with music and an outdoor stage show." Now that's another thing to add to Vani and Naenia's parallel.

c. Vani thinks that his father doesn't like it there very much. So, why stay even if his wife is dead? Even if Vani's father could not go back to his family, he could still opt to cut ties with the band and settle down somewhere. He's a doctor, it's not like they would be helpless if they leave. Travelling is not a safe choice if you think about it. Perhaps, he stayed in the memory of his wife? Or are there other reasons?

d. This guy didn't just come to Altus ones before. "No matter when I visit" he already visited during different periods. The times he possibly could go in Altus is before his father's death and after Luna's death. Maybe Luna's going in secretly for whatever reason. I just want to drop it here because it's interesting to take note of.

e. I'm not sure if I should include this since it may be Luna's influence, but Vani knows way too much about vampires and also the babel incident. Also, Ruthven's statement just gives me a weird feeling. Does it mean "You an average human are running around doing ridiculous things, so tell me about 'yourself', kin of the blue moon vampire"? Or "without the context of being the kin of the blue moon vampire, tell about yourself?" I think it is the latter meaning.

There's nothing important here that proves Vani's childhood should be kept as a secret. But this will do for now, I just want to establish that Vani is more than just kin to the Blue Moon Vampire. His childhood, his father, family, and that traveling players are also suspicious. (Why the hell do I find everyone in this series suspicious?!? oh, except Amelia and Riche).

4. Luna bit Vani the day she died. I can't come up with anything that happened "that day". Did Luna has gone wild? Did someone attack them? Did Vani and Misha lose their mind as an effect of that weird doctor's experiment? There's really nothing but I think that whatever happened "that day" led to Luna's leaving no choice but to drink Vani's blood, or to make Vani her kin. There has no explicit explanation of how you make one your kin, but I'm sure drinking blood is included in the process. They would only gain a mark if they were bitten.

I'm actually not done yet. I still have plenty to say, but this should end here now. This is already too long for me to handle. Does this make sense? Or is it confusing? Don't hesitate to correct me if I'm wrong or tell me whatever you want to say.

So, if what Vani is saying is true, why do you think he killed Luna?

See ya' later folks!

Note: I wrote this to indulge my over-thinking self. This is just a random theory, thoughts, assumptions, and/or head-canons. Thank you for taking the time to read and understanding if I made any mistakes or post whatever it is you don’t agree on.

[sparklingichigo]

Angelic Wedding

Part 1

The day has come, the wedding of Haruka and Simeon! Every being has arrived at the venue, a beautiful church but the bride in question is still in a hotel doing her makeup by a makeup artist. Of course, during weddings, chaos will happen.

Knock Knock...

Ichigo: [looks at the door suspiciously] wHOM THE FRICK??

Simeon: Uh...

Ichigo: Oh HELL, NAH! The groom isn't allowed to see the bride! >:((

Simeon: But-

Ichigo: No!

Luke: Can I come in, though?

Ichigo: Yes, but no for Simeon-

Simeon: Why?? :((

Ichigo: You're the groom-

Simeon: and?

Ichigo: The groom is not supposed to see the bride. It's bad luck!

Simeon: but-

Ichigo: Luke's not the groom-

Simeon: Oh-

Ichigo: sO SHOO! [Casually shooing him away]

Simeon: :((

Ichigo: You'll see her at church! Chill out!

Simeon: Okay :( [leaves]

Haruka: What was that about??

Ichigo: Simeon is trying to get in, but he shouldn't be here since he's the groom. On the bright side, there's Luke- :D

Luke: [waves] Hi :D

Now back to Simeon returning to his room, Michael waits for him because the boy ran out.

Michael: Finally. Why did you run out like that?

Simeon:...I just want to see her, that's all.

Michael: [sigh] [smacks him] You shouldn't be there. Seeing each other would mean bad luck for both of you.

Simeon: yeah... I guess you're right... :(

Back to Haruka's room, she's finally done with her makeup in her beautiful wedding gown, and so are the others. They are all ready for the blessing ceremony.

Ichigo: Hey, remember when we try to find a dress for you?

Haruka: I don't want to remember that [shivers]

Ichigo: pfft-

I know you're wondering what happened during that day. Well, here comes the flashback. So they went to a wedding store to try on the wedding gown. Turns out not only Haruka is bringing Asmo and Ichigo, but she's also bringing along Satan, which is odd.

Asmo: Until this day, I still question why you bring him along?

Haruka: Why not? Maybe I need an opinion from men as well

Asmo: Aren't I not "men" enough for you?

Haruka: Besides you. I know about your high knowledge of fashion but still-

Asmo: Fine, he can help.

Satan: What's wrong with me being here? I'm also here to help!

Asmo: bullsht!

Ichigo: I doubt he'd be much of a help!

Asmo: He can't even dress!

Satan: Hey >:(

Haruka: oKAY, ENOUGH! We're here for my dress, so please stop fighting and help me choose!

Ichigo, Satan and Asmo: Fine....

So they help her choose the dress, and Asmo brings a pile of dresses for her to try. Ichigo agrees with everything Asmo says because they have the same taste. Then there's Satan...

Asmo: Where's your choice?

Satan: I don't find any of them appealing [shrugs]

Ichigo: See, this is why he's not much of a help

Satan: I just don't find any of them appealing! Geez!

Asmo: Fine, whatever. I'll just give this to her [goes to the fitting room to give the dresses to Haruka]

This leaves Satan and Ichigo on the sofa, waiting for Haruka and Asmo's return, cue awkward silence.

Ichigo: So...

Satan: So...

Ichigo: What's your purpose actually [squints eyes suspiciously]

Satan: To help, of course. Why? You think I'm here for something else?

Ichigo: Last time we were together, you're here for another purpose

Suddenly Satan starts to slide closer to her. Of course, Ichigo slides further because this feels weird and familiar.

Ichigo: [blinks confusedly] wtf-

Satan: What? I'm just simply sitting.

Meanwhile, dress number 1 is fitted to Haruka, so Asmo leads her to the stage to show off the dress.

Asmo: Here's dress number o- [sees Satan] what the fck-

Satan: What?

Ichigo: Help... :")

Asmo: this is why bringing him in is dangerous and useless-

Haruka: =_=

Asmo: Anyways, what do you think? Haruka, please turn around-

Haruka turns around to show off the dress, and honestly, none of them approves of the dress. One, it's too revealing, two, it's boring, and three, she seems uncomfortable in it.

Satan: Yeah...no...

Ichigo: You don't look comfortable in it :((

Haruka: It's a bit tight, so...:")

Asmo: dress number 2 it is!

Asmo: Satan, I'm watching you. Don't do anything weird =_=

Satan: Of course not, cross my heart :3

Asmo: [rolls his eyes]

Ichigo: [cringe]

After a couple more dresses, it's time for dress number 7. Asmo needs to go to the toilet, leaving Ichigo and Satan to help her. Unfortunately, Haruka does not know this and asks for Asmo's help.

Haruka: Asmo?? Hey?? A little help here??

Ichigo: I'l g-

Satan: I'll do it-

Ichigo: You're a guy!

Satan: Asmo's a guy too!

Ichigo: [sigh] whatever =_= if you try anything, I'll send you to your dad

Satan: he's not my dad!

Ichigo: biologically [shrugs]

Satan: Tsk.

Haruka is still waiting for Asmo, but it is Satan who enters.

Haruka: Where's Asmo? Ichigo?

Satan: They went to the toilet

Ichigo: BULLSHIT! I'M OUTSIDE!

Haruka: tHEN WHY IS HE IN HERE?!

Ichigo: ASK HIM?!?!

Ichigo: no, wait- KICK HIM OUT!!

Satan: CAN'T YOU JUST SHUT UP?!

Ichigo: GET THE HELL

Other customers: SSSSH!!

Ichigo: sorry :")

Anyways Satan ends up helping Haruka with her dress. Haruka, of course, thanked him but shts about to go down!

Haruka: thank you. How do I look?

Satan: Beautiful. I like this dress, though. Simeon is one lucky man.

Haruka: Of course. Unlike you, he treats me properly [smirks]

Satan: [scoffs] As if.

Haruka: But he did!

Satan wastes no time and pins her to the mirror, and Haruka just screams out of panic.

Ichigo: What's happening there?!?!

Haruka: Satan he-

Before Haruka can finish her words, Satan suddenly kisses her, definitely the make out version. Help-

Asmo: I'm back~ [casually opens the door] wha-

Satan:...

Haruka:...

Ichigo: what in the-

Asmo: Ichigo, get his dad-

Ichigo: [dials Lucifer's number and calls him] Lucifer, we have trouble-

Lucifer: Specify.

Ichigo: Bridal store, your son, kissed Haruka. Get here a.s.a.p

Lucifer: Okay. [hangs up]

Asmo: Someone's dead~

Ichigo: You bet~

Satan: why??

Ichigo: because she's about to be married, yet you kissed her?

Satan: What? You want it to be you instead?

Asmo: [smacks him with his boot] Shut up!

Satan: What was that for?!

Asmo: Just shut your mouth!

Suddenly they all hear the bell of the door. They all feel Lucifer's scary aura as he walks in.

Lucifer: So, what happened [passive aggressive smile]

Asmo: He-

Satan: It's none of your business!

Lucifer: Oh really? Ichigo told me you kissed the soon to be bride. You told me you liked her, but now you're kissing Haruka? Make it make sense.

Asmo: What?

Ichigo: Huh?

Haruka: EEEEEEH?!?!

Other customer: SHUSH!

Haruka: sorry :")

Store owner: If you guys keep fighting, I'll see you out of this store!

Haruka: We're sorry ma'am :")

Store owner: [rolls eyes]

Anyways, Haruka finally picks her eighth dress, a beautiful white dress with long sleeves so she can be more comfortable and proper for the church.

Haruka: I'm not bringing him to dress choosing ever again. Not even your dress choosing

Ichigo: Please don't :")

WO (Wedding organizer): Five more minutes to the church!!!

Haruka: Okaaaay!!

Now time for the blessing ceremony! Simeon is already inside the church, waiting for her to enter the church. Once she enters, the blessing proceeds with one of the seraphim angels blessing the wedding.

Seraphim Angel: Do you, Simeon, take Haruka as your wife and will stay by her side through happiness and sadness, health and illness, and any other situations?

Simeon: I do

Seraphim Angel: Do you, Haruka, take Simeon as your husband and will stay by her side through happiness and sadness, health and illness, and any other situations?

Haruka: I do

Seraphim Angel: Before I bless this wedding, if anyone does not approve of this marriage, speak now or hold your peace forever

The crowd is quiet until they hear Satan tsk-ing causing all of them to look at him.

Asmo: I'm sorry for the inconvenience, everyone. My brother is super annoying^^

Beel: ^^ Please proceed, don't mind him

Lucifer: [rolls his eyes because why is his son like this]

Mammon: Go on, why are you stopping :((

Seraphim angel: [sigh] With the power invested in me, I pronounce you husband and wife! You may now kiss the bride!

Simeon opens her veil with a smile and finally kisses her right then.

Solomon: [covers Luke's eyes] this is not for kids

Luke: I'm not a kid!! >:((

Beel: Awww, they're finally married! I'm so happy for them! :D

Belphie: [is awake] Oh, we're done?

Levi: You've been sleeping this whole time??

Belphie: [nods] and I'll continue-

Beel: Belphie, no-

Belphie: why not =_=

Beel: We have to leave... and change our wedding party clothes....?

Belphie: [shrugs] you can carry me there-

Beel: fair enough [shrugs]

Asmo: Why can't you just walk there?!

Raphael: sHUSH! This is a church!

Asmo: Sorry:"]

Barbatos: [sigh] what an eventful day^^

Diavolo: Indeed^^ I wonder if Ichigo's wedding is this eventful

Ichigo: about that...

Beel: We haven't picked the date-

Diavolo: You two have been engaged for too long :((

Beel: uh...

Lucifer: ^^ Diavolo... we're in a church, aren't we?

Diavolo: Oh right, right- [quiets down]

The blessing ceremony finally finishes, and it's time for the party! But before that, let's look at how they prepare for the party!

Haruka: [plops to her bed] I'm so tired

Ichigo: I'm not wearing heels again! [takes them off]

Rosaria: There there^^ [pats Ichigo's shoulder] you'll get used to it

Ichigo: :(( It's too difficult to walk with...

Rosaria: I know darling^^ But you'll get used to it somehow

Ichigo: true...

Suddenly they hear a bell at the door. Ichigo being the nearest to the door, peeks at the mini window to see who it is.

Ichigo: I didn't know the brothers were staying here....?

Haruka: They are?

Ichigo: Yeah, because why is my man in front of the door!

Haruka: Who-

Ichigo: Beel, he's here-

Haruka: Why is he here?

Ichigo: I don't know??

Rosaria: Tell him we should clean up first^^

Ichigo: Right- I'm still wearing this dress-

Ichigo: [goes to the door and opens it a bit] Please don't come in:")

Beel: w-why?

Ichigo: We have to clean up, plus there's Haruka and Rosaria here. We don't want to anger her, right?

Beel: right, right. I'll see you soon then-

Ichigo: Wait! Why are you here?

Beel: To see you, of course, but it's fine. You can clean up and all that-

Ichigo: [sigh] Okay, I'll just let you know when I'm finished. Or better yet, I'll go to your room.

Beel: Okay- :D

After cleaning up, Ichigo finally leaves the room to see Beel. She, of course, presses the bell to let them know she's here and waits for Beel or Belphie to open the door. Once the door is opened, she expects Beel to be dressed, butIchigo Being he just finished his bath and is still in his towel.

Beel: Oh, you're here-

Ichigo: ..... uh...... [Ichigo.exe has stopped working]

Belphie: can't you just get in?? The air is getting out!

Ichigo: r-right... yeah.... [gets in while shielding her eyes]

Belphie: pfft- oh well, you two have "fun" I'll go shower-

Ichigo: shut up, you cow-

Belphie: [laughs in gremlin and enters the bathroom]

This leaves Ichigo and Beel in the room. She's still looking anywhere else but her boyfriend/fiance.

Beel: Oh yeah, I'll get dressed. Sorry about that

Ichigo: can't you just tell me you're still unclothed? I'm not that impatient!

Beel: What? We've seen each other already

Ichigo: [throws a pillow at him] shut up!

Beel: [successfully dodges it as he gets his clothes]

Ichigo: ... [looks away again] why are you like this:")

Beel: It's fine. We're both engaged anyway-

Ichigo: Whatever [lays down on the bed, probably his bed]

It was all fun and games until she finds Beel leaning towards her from up there. Ichigo turns around and sees him up there, and there goes her soul.

Ichigo: What?

Beel: [about to lean in for a kiss]

Rosaria: [barging in] ICHIGO!!!

The couple looks toward the voice and finds Rosaria in front of their door. Beel is even surprised she can open that door.

Beel: I can explain...

Rosaria: Get away from her, young man^^

Beel: [gets off] y-yes ma'am-

Rosaria: Thank you^^

Rosaria: Ichigo, come on :))

Ichigo: O-okay... [follows her] b-but it's fine though we're engaged...

Rosaria: Not married! Still not allowed! If I see you trying to touch her again, I'll send you right to Lucifer! [To Beel with a glare]

Beel: But-

Rosaria: NO BUTS!

Beel: Y-yes ma'am:")

Belphie: [gets out after this bath] what's going on?

Beel: I don't wanna talk about it:")

Belphie: pfft, okay-

Outside Rosaria is still dragging Ichigo to their room. Ichigo is trying to explain what happens, but Rosaria is not having it. Once they're there, Haruka, who's about to lay down, is confused.

Haruka: ...what happened?

Ichigo: Uh...

Rosaria: Beel tried to touch her inappropriately!

Haruka: Oh...pfft- I'm not surprised.

Rosaria: What do you mean?

Haruka: They've probably done more than you seen-

Rosaria: What?!

Ichigo: I can explain-

Rosaria: Did you...

Ichigo: Noooo! Of course not!

Rosaria: Then?

Ichigo: [shrugs] we just simply make out...?

Rosaria: It's still inappropriate!

Ichigo: But I'm a demon! :((

Rosaria: [sigh] still, it's not appropriate for you to do things before you're married

Haruka: About that...

Rosaria: [looks at Haruka} did you? With Simeon?

Haruka: Actually.... haha... [laughs nervously] Yeah, with Simeon! Obviously!

Rosaria: [sigh] you girls need to control yourselves! They should too!

Ichigo: But-

Haruka: Simeon is fine with it unironically... and we're married now o.o

Rosaria: True... [shrugs] Oh well, let's prepare ourselves for the party^^

Outside, the other brothers peek from their doors because Rosaria has a really loud voice.

Asmo: What just happened??

Satan: I'm asking the same thing...

Levi: I almost drop my console wtf-

Mammon: Whoever that is, she's scary:")

Michael: That'd be my wife everyone^^

The brothers: [backs away to their room except for Lucifer]

Lucifer: [sigh] what did they do this time?

Belphie: [peeks out] Beel tries to touch Ichigo again... [gremlin grin]

Lucifer: what-

Michael: Come again?

Belphie: You heard me [backs off]

Lucifer: [sigh] [tuts and proceeds with his walk]

[simmingonahilll]

For those of you who don't know, I figured I would post here as well. I mostly use Instagram, so everyone on there has heard the news by now. We lost my grandmother this past Sunday.

Trigger Warning: Death, Hospitalization, Sickness.

Friday, September 17th, 2021, my family (me, dad, grandma, and my boyfriend) left our homes in Minnesota/North Dakota, and flew out to California to see my big sister and meet my new nephew. We arrived late that night, and my nephew made his appearance around 5pm. We all pretty much relaxed when we got there. My sister had a C-section and was going to be in the hospital to recover for a few extra days.

Saturday, September 18th, 2021, some of us woke up late (myself and boyfriend), and others spent the morning relaxing. Around 11 am, we were all awake and decided to stop at a restaurant for breakfast, my Dad and I had been there before but it had been about ten years since we last visited.

After breakfast we headed back to the house we were renting. Grandma started to feel ill, thinking she had simply just eaten too much at the restaurant. We sat at the house for a little bit before I asked if we could take a trip to see this fountain I use to swim in as a little girl. We went for about an hour and a half, just talking together around the fountain. It was a beautiful day, and the sound of the water falling in the fountain with my family and my love there was perfect.

Sister was still in the hospital, and because of the v***s we were not able to see her yet. We found out the church I grew up in was having an event that evening. Grandma was still feeling ill, but she was fine with us going. We had a wonderful time surprising people my Dad and I hadn't seen since I was around 14.

We got home around 7 or 8pm and then started the worst night of my entire life. When we walked in the door the first thing we saw was a very sickly grandmother. The next thing I knew I was trying my best to help her, Dad was on the phone with the emergency crew, and my boyfriend was waiting outside to direct them where to go.

A short while later my grandma was in the ambulance, on her way to the hospital. None of us could go with because of c***d regulations. So for the next 4 or 5 hours we sat and waited for any information they could give us. We tried sleeping, but it was mostly laying down talking, trying our best to not over worry.

Around 2am on Sunday, we got the call. My Aunt, who is in charge of my grandmothers wishes, called me. My grandmother had an aneurysm that had burst sometime Saturday. They had an operation that could save her, but it was at another hospital. Dr's said they would need to transfer her. Given her age and condition, they didn't think she had enough strength to make it there let alone have an operation. Grandma's wishes were that if that was ever the case, where she would have less than 50% chance of survival, she would want to be let go.

Auntie let us know that the hospital would let us in to say our goodbyes before pulling the plug on the sweetest woman in the entire world's life. So the three of us went. They didn't ask if my boyfriend was a relative or not, they just let us all in (and I'm so thankful he was there). When we saw her she was asleep from the anesthesia. Her chest was moving as if she were breathing really well, but we knew it was mostly the machines.

Shortly after that, my sister began messaging me (we had called her when we first heard the news. She didn't know we were in California because it was suppose to be a surprise). She was recovering in the same hospital, just three floors above us. The nurses were trying hard to find us so they could wheel her over in a wheelchair to say her goodbyes. Before she could get there, before I could finish sending the messages to her, our grandmother took her last breath.

September 19th, 2021 was the last day of my grandmother's life.

-

We went on the trip to meet my nephew, and for grandma to meet her great grandson. We finally met him on Monday, September 20th. That day was also grandma's birthday. Just after she passed I remember turning to my Dad (her son) and saying something about how she didn't get to meet my nephew, but she does get to meet my big brother. Her obituary includes that she was preceded in death by my brother. She wrote the obit herself, and included him.

-

It's been a hard few days. Because she died in a different state it's been frustrating. We can't make any final plans because they are not able to release her body until they have certain signatures. So, for now, we wait.

If anybody out there is a believer, please be praying for my family. And also my sister as she recovers from C-section and the loss of our grandma (she will not be able to come to the funeral either, she won't have enough strength to travel).

[saskiavalentineapologist]

THIS IS LATE BUT TODAY’S SESSION DEAR  L O R D

we start fighting dinah orfana and the order is rinni, dinah, briar, jubilee, peent. which. jubilee is second to last which totally tracks.

so we start fighting and jubilee puts up a wall of fire behind the party so that aboleth can’t get in and god. god. what else was there

dinah’s dispelling stuff, rinni’s shooting her with her new crossbow, briar’s calling lightning and shooting moonbeams and PEENT

MVP PEENT

makes dinah fucking see her goddess

the goddess that ripped her legs off and made her a drider. that goddess.

and then dinah does a fuckton of damage to jubilee with a cantrip and jubilee loses concentration on the wall of fire and the aboleth comes in and everything went downhill so fucking quick

rinni gets diseased by it, peent gets mind controlled by it, briar gets paralyzed by dinah, and jubilee gets pinned by a spider leg

and dinah gives jubilee a choice. either she can place her faith in herself, who can act, or her god, who might. and she says to jubilee “renounce your god.”

so jubilee does. she snaps her holy symbol and dinah allows them to go free.

and then like. god. god. god. everyone cried bc i wrote a thing for jubilee to say which im putting in this summary bc fuck i like it.

Well…I guess, to start, I need to explain some things.

She was right about a lot of the stuff she was saying. I…wastaken in by the church. Remember when I told you all I came from the church of Pelor, in Mountainstop? Well…I…I did. Um. My mother worked there, she was the cleaning lady. But…she…wasn't the one to give birth to me.

I…don't know my birth parents. They dropped me off on the church's doorstep once they saw I had horns. They didn't want to raise a devilspawn, apparently.

My mother told me this because she was kind and she didn't want to lie to me. And she tried to make it clear that they weren't good people and that good people didn't do things like that but…ever since then I've been…afraid? Terrified, really. Of…of being abandoned, of being alone, of being left behind.

And…there's another piece of it, too.

i…get…sad. A lot. But…I don't anymore. Because I'm happy. All the time. Because I have to be, because no one wants to be around if I'm not, and I've had enough people leave me before because of it. I have to be happy because if I'm happy people will see that I'm cheery, and a good friend, and dependable, and people don't leave those people behind.

But I don't…want to do it anymore. I don't want to pretend anymore.

I'm sad. I was sad when Khrys died, and I'm sad now and I can't…I can't be the rock that you all need me to be. I can't do it. And I'm sorry. But I can't.

and so everyone opens up about their backstory. 

rinni reveals she lost her brother and she made a thing that made me weep which was “after i lost my brother, i thought there was no more good in the world. but seeing you, jubilee, showed me that there is good in the world, even if you have to make it yourself” and god im tearing up again just writing that

peent revealed that her parents died and she was given to her abusive aunt and uncle along with her sister and she ran away but still writes home to her sister and GOD

and then briar talks about how he was shunned bc he was a half elf and his mother told him to go out into the world and find out who he was and i CRY

so yeah us five idiots sat around our computers and cried about dnd what did you all do with your sunday

and then we got back to the candor estate and DeLune met us at the door which is weird and she was acting off so Jubilee pulled her aside and DeLune like. is angling for a “distraction” (which tbh is what jubilee needs atm as well) and jubilee asks if everything’s ok and DeLune gives a vague answer and then Jubilee’s like “is celeste ok?” and DeLune just. “I don’t know.”

and the rest of the party goes down to edie’s lab and edie’s crying and she reveals that celeste has been sleeping more and more and that she might not wake up and im PANICKED, YO

THAT’S MY STEPDAUGHTER!!! AND JENNIE’S HURTING HER!!!! WHICH IN TURN HURTS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!!!!  F U C K

[kyunsies]

MADCH MADCH <3

hello fam - I've had a weird day, I'm super happy I can take the time out to reply to you. always thinking of you though, I hope you're always having a great day. today's been a bit of a non day - a family member has to deal with operations and that's on top of me too so i've just felt a bit winded in life?

YES to you finally conquering that damn cold! do you feel properly replenished now? omg i hate sore throats too - okay i hope this doesn't give you nightmares but when i was a kid i saw a documentary about this terrible disease that manifests at its worst a bit like alzhemiers but it can hit anyone of any age and for the majority of people who get it... one of the first symptoms is a sore throat and i have literally lived in terror of sore throats ever since. but luckily it's a very rare disease. so basically, yes, i understand you.

OMG you know when you're like eight and you don't want to sleep and you're like no i will adult and stay up and it will be glorious - i'm like, CHILD YOU FOOL you could have gone to sleep XD and ugh no responsibilities?! i remember working most of the time when i was a kid and i kind of wish i had wreaked havoc? what was your childhood like? did you get to do lots of fun stuff? i know my mum wishes she had been able to spend more time with me when i was a kid and i'd like to have a family and i'd love her to be able to relax and just spend time with her grandkids? OMG well when you come to europe let me know and then i can show you around and give you a hug in person!

so we're mainly cofe here though cahtolic culture is still big and honestly i'm with you. like religion can be a great influence on you if it's not used in nefarious ways and can help you learn so much - like even if there are things you don't end up agreeing with at least you learn about then so you can make a choice for yourself as opposed to not really knowing anything? agree - people that are really boastful totally put me off, i just can't deal with it at all. but you're right, like it makes us so so hard to forgive ourselves for anything right? like, even if we've done nothing wrong and we shouldn't have to punish ourselves? like i swear i'm apologising for everything haha XD once someone pushed me off the tube and i ended up apologising like ON REFLEX? hasjdkahds XD but i really hope you have people around you that keep bigging you up too! if not i will keep bigging you up :D :D so you know that you are worth it.

i'm sorry you're not looking forward to your final year of uni! think you're almost there though - like this is the final stretch and you'll have like conquered everest you know?! and even if your landing at the end of it isn't as perfect the fact you landed at all means so much and that means you can stand up again and keep going! day at a time and moment at a time you know? i kind of had this moment today (hence my wierd day) when i was worry about everything and i literally sat there like - have i made the right choice and done the right thing and surely i've made the wrong choices in my life and do i actually have any talent cause if not people would actually like my stuff and i had to just be like... a moment at a time sometimes you know? like, just bit by bit and don't sweat the stuff you don't have to? idk i find it hard to do but i hope that helps you - like you'll surmount every little thing bit by bit and before you know it you'll have made it! you were born ready you were <3 <3

TINY SQUAD IS GO! the pant dilemma is truly a massive issue, like IDK how to deal OMG OK SO LAMPSHADING is like when you do big baggy like tops and then like leggings or tights or something skinny on the bottom so... you look like a lampshade? like i guess it makes you look cute and then also it's such an easy way to dress without worrying if you look like a kid that's wearing your mum's clothes?? ahsdjakdhsa XD

AHHHH YES BASIL ME TOO!! what scent did you end up buying? i'm sure it was lush - are your parents near you or is it like a massive special occassion to get to see them? YES agree with your take on musk though! like it feels like idk, something a 50 year old with a cigar in a stuffy country club would wear? like, there's no energy to it but not in a chill mellow way either??! like even if i was going to a dinner thing I would still rather not wear something musky? like i'd still rather it be something a bit sweeter? also like some musk perfumes can be SO STRONG? like i'm like - my nose is choking on this perfume XD

YES BLUE MOON SQUAD AAAAA it is literally one of their finest ever, it's always stayed on my top faves list by them. like ugh yes to the lofi stuff sometimes i just wanna VIBE and be in my feels but not so much i'm too angsty but enough that I'm FEELING feels ya know? what did you think of kiss or death? it really wasn't that kind of vibe but yh i hope they do more lofi jazzy stuff - also cause like not a lot of korean groups play with that sound a lot?

hello mädch's mom as always! nerer apologise for being late, always just happy to hear from you and i hope you are super super well and looking after yourself first and foremost! more than anything <3 (also i take ages to reply too ya know and omg this is so so long ahsdjakhdaskjdh)

love you lots and lots and lots xxxxxxxxxxxx

ANGEL ANGEL !!!!!!!! <3 i know i'm really late to this LKDFJS i've had such a busy week getting some overtime in and then visiting my grandparents' house so i didn't really have a lot of energy to reply to all of this BUT IM HERE AND i can finally give u a good response <3

firstly is your family member okay??? i hope so ;____; how was the rest of your week, and how was your weekend angel? i hope u were able to enjoy your weekend and that everything is okay in the family <3

but YEAH my mom and i are over the stupid cold ;_____; i hate colds,,,, they last way too long lol like i say i know the flu is a little more serious than a cold but i would rather have it for a day or 2 than being stuck feeling lousy for a whole week :( ALSO SLDKFSJDFKLJ OH GOD SEE we are both hypochondriacs ( that's not the best trait to have as a nursing major lol ) but tbh i'm really curious about this rare disease ????? :o sounds really scary tho goodness gracious i wonder what it could be ;____;

also god i was always awful at staying up late as a kid LOL but i know what u mean !!!!!! honestly there was only one time i can recall i had a sleepover with my friend in like the 3rd grade and we tried pulling an all nighter so i think we made it to like 5am but i had to go to bed omg i felt like such garbage LKDSFJ </3 it's just funny bc like as u get older u realize that staying up late is really nothing special and if anything u feel like a train hit you the next morning and adults are so sleep deprived as it is we just *try* to prioritize sleep SLDKFJSDKLJF :') you worked a lot as a child bub?? what kind of things did you do? i didn't start working until i was 15 bc most places here don't allow u to work until this age (unless you're in a family business i guess lol) but all the jobs i had in high school i hated so much ;_____; but my childhood? i would say it was relatively normal LOL like we say all the time i've had a single mom so life was really stressful for her but i always felt loved <3 i always had my mom <3 and we took trips to the beach with my family every year, it was our little tradition !! i went to san diego to visit disney, you know little trips here and there !! and then when i got into my sport and i started getting older my mom and i spent a lot of time and money investing into my sport so most of my weekends consisted of a lot of tournaments and driving far away for me to compete :') i do remember when i was really young like in kindergarten my mom's work was really far away from my school and we had a recital ; i was the "host" where i would introduce all of the songs and stuff and my mom didn't get off of work until like 6 and by the time she made to my recital, it was over :( she told me she cried a lot that night :( i don't remember her doing this (i don't even remember the recital all that much lol) but now that i'm older and i understand more about adulting, i'm sure she was so devastated thinking about it now :( anyways about visiting europe LOL I WILL DEF GIVE U A CALL AND LET U KNOW SO U CAN SHOW ME ALL OF THE COOL PLACES <333333

and about the religion ....... yes ;____; i think it's a great thing if a family decide that they want to do this when they're families; i hope to continue to practice it (even tho we aren't regularly going to church at all hhhh gotta work on that) but there is something about catholic guilt specifically that just makes it soooo hard to like, be easy on yourself? but ,,,,,, i guess it keeps me grounded :( in a self depreciating way ??? LDSKFJ I KNOW U UNDERSTAND ... it's weird for me to put into words ;____; and YEAH :( i think i'm getting a little better at this but i used to apologize all the time for things i never needed to be sorry for hhhh (still do) :')

and yes babe honestly i'm really terrified to start uni :( i think i have this weird anxiety issue i've had it ever since last year but i don't know why i'm so scared and anxious about things that haven't even happened yet ;____; are u like this too? is it normal? i wish i knew :( i guess i won't really feel better until i have made it to graduation, but i just want to do well this year. whatever i do, whether it's exams, or clinical rotation or my preceptorship, i just want to do well ;____; i don't want to do poorly, i want to make my mom proud and i want to work at a place i'll be excited to work at, and most of all i just want everything to work out ,,,, i wish someone could just sit me down and say listen i know what you're going thru is hard but you CAN get thru this and EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS bc no one in my family is in the health sciences (besides my cousin who is studying to be a doctor but she doesn't give a shit about what i do lol) so ;_____; yeah ,,,,,,,,,,, lots of anxiety and apprehension of the unknown :(

LSDKFJSD FOKAY NOW I KNOW WHAT LAMPSHADING IS LMAOOOOOOOOOOO yes i wear those clothes on lazy days LOL the thing is i'm really picky about the length of my oversized crewneck sweaters hhhh the can't be too long bc if it goes below my butt i look like i'm wearing rags LOL so i have to be careful :') but most days i do like, reverse lamp shading lDLKFJSDLKFJ i like wearing flowy pants with a more tight top or like baggy jeans with a tighter shirt or a blouse i can tuck into my jeans LOL but omg its so funny i didn't know what that was :') thank u for the explanation my love <3

OKAY BUT HALF THE REASON I DIDN'T RESPOND IS THAT i was saving this weekend to go to the jo malone store in my mall and !!! I GOT A NEW SCENT AND I'M IN LOVE WITH IT SO MUCH BABE ;____; you have to go smell it if you go there soon and tell me what u think !!!!!! it's called wild bluebell (here is the scent description lol) but the guy behind the counter helping me was soooo amazing and helpful like they really do treat u the best at the store and AH i’m so happy with my purchase <3 my wallet isn’t so much LDSKFJ but nonetheless i know i’ll have it for a long time :)

KISS OR DEATH !!!!! i actually really enjoyed it lol i have seen some ppl not really like the rapping so much but i loved it ;____; i’m super biased obviously LOL but gosh i thought they were all great and minhyuk + hyungwon killed the song for me <333 wouldn’t expect anything less from our monstas !!!!! and my mom is sending her love lol i tell her the work u do and she’s always wondering how ur doing :(((( same for my moots she always asks me about 2 in particular LOL she’s always asking me <3 i love u so much bubbie !!!! iM SO SORRY FOR BEING LATE MY LOVE again i always just want to give u a quality response <3 i love u the absolute most and i hope u had a great weekend !!!!!!! this is my last week at work before i have a week long break before i head for uni so :’) can’t believe i’ve done all this LOL :’) i will be happy to hear from u whenever u come back hun !!!!! TAKE CARE LOVE U <3 

[treadmilltreats]

You can change the world with one kind act at a time

There are sometimes when you're really down and in those times it seems like God always places someone in my world that makes me remember why I'm here and what my purposes is.

 Recently while talking to an old friend of mine, he told me of this amazing good deed another friend of ours did. See his brothers died suddenly, back when we were still in our teens. They were my best friends for years and died tragically a year apart from each other. His parents didn't have a lot of money  and couldn't afford headstones on their graves. He told me this friend bought them a headstone, to me that was the most amazing, unselfish gift someone could do for their friends.

We were talking and wondering where he was as we hadn't heard from him in years. My friend wanted to thank him for his kindness, so I decided to look him up on Facebook. Of course there were many people with his same name, this couldn't be that easy right? I decided to write a message to all of them and see if they were the person that we grew up with. 

Weeks went by and I haven't heard anything and so I thought maybe it was a lost cause. When all of a sudden I get a message saying "Hey it's me and I can't believe it's you, here's my number, let's catch up"

Of course I called him right away and it was as if no time had passed, we picked up right where we left off and we started to catch up on each other's lives.

Here's the thing that really made me cry, it was when he told me that I was the 1st person that he met in when he moved to our town. He said that I was so kind to him and right away offered my friendship and that touched him so much that he never forgot that, even in all these 40 something years later.

It made me cry because it showed me that you could do something so small, so insignificant to me because I was just being me and being friendly but that act of kindness touched somebody's life that they remembered that 40 years later. 

You will never know what you can do by just being kind to someone, by just smiling or talking or listening to someone. You don't know how much that could change a person or how deeply that can affect a person's life. I Remember my best friend used to laugh at me all the time and tell me that I was like the ASPCA, that I was always bringing strays and inviting them to sit at our lunch table. I just remember thinking, wow these kids are new here, they have no friends and it must be hard to start over in a new school without your friends. Although I never knew that feeling as I was raised in the same town, I always had that sense of compassion for somebody else. 

I was always able to put myself in someone else's shoes and feel what they might be feeling.

See you never know how you're going to pay it forward to somebody. How your kindness will affect somebody else's life, even the smallest amount of compassion or kindness can go a long way when someone is down or hasn't had that from another person in a long time.

 I remember when I was at my lowest point in my life, my mom had just passed away and it was my first Christmas without her. I was getting divorced but we were still living in the same house and it was hell. That week I had the flu so bad that  I couldn't get out of bed for a whole week. I laid there and no one, not even my children had asked me if I wanted even a glass of water. I remember thinking, I'm so unhappy and I don't wanna be here, I had hit rock bottom so I decided I was going to end it all. I wrote letters to my girls and I got all my mother's old pills together and I was going to do it. When all of a sudden I got a Facebook message and I thought who could be messaging me at 12:30 at night on Christmas Eve?

 It was somebody I hadn't spoken to in 30 years and he just said

 "I was thinking about you and how you were always so kind to me growing up and you were such a good friend and if there's anything you ever need, if you ever need to talk call me day or night,here's my number"

 Now I know this was God's intervention and I picked up the phone and I called this man and he had every right to hang up on me as I was in the ugly cry and sounded like a crazy person but he didn't, he talked me off the ledge and that changed my life.

That night I ended up giving my life to God, as I had had nowhere else to turn. Two days later I found my church and my life has been changed ever since. The part about this story I love the most is a year later I was divorced, I'd had my own apartment, I started my own business and my life had changed dramatically. I was happier then I've been in the last 20 years and I decided on Christmas Eve to write a thank you letter to this kind man that saved my life. I Thank him for his kindness, for remembering my kindness and saving my life. About an hour later I got another Facebook message from a different friend who said he went through this horrible divorce. His wife wouldn't let him see his kids, he lost everything and he was at the lowest point of his life. He decided he was going to take his life that night but after reading my blog it gave him hope that his life could change and he wanted to reach out to thank me for sharing my story.

I was blessed enough to pay it forward to somebody else. You never know what your story will do for somebody else. You never know what your compassion can do for somebody, you never know what your kindness and your kind words can do to someone's day.

You can change someone's life in an instant, just by doing or saying something that small and maybe you may think it's insignificant but to that person, who's holding on by a thread, it can change everything for them.

So today my friends, remember everyday we must realize why we here, what is our purpose and how we can change the world. We sometimes think that we're only one person, so how can we change the world? You can change the world by one kind act at a time.

"Be the change you want to see"

 

"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

**Now released my latest book**

The Blessing in Disguise.... revealed

https://www.amazon.com/Blessing-Disguise-Revealed-story-faith/dp/1074340493/ref=sr_1_19?keywords=the+blessing+in+disguise&qid=1561392004&s=books&sr=1-19

***Now available***

My 1st book The blessing in Disguise 

Selling on my website:

Http://www.treadmilltreats.com

And on Amazon.com

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[treadmilltreats]

Restoring my faith in people 

So last week I wrote about how I was so upset that out of 45 people that I asked for help for my best friend only 5 came through.

I am Christian and as I always say I am not perfect so yes, I called out people because I can't understand why others can't have my heart.

Yes, I was disappointed in people especially these so called Christian's that were supposed to be her friends. But God always has a lesson for me and it happened when we went out on Saturday night. It was the usual trio of us and we met up with 2 others we knew from our church. As we were walking in, right behind us was our Bishop and we hugged him and said hello, then we went outside and he went to his table.

At the end of our meal we asked for our check and was told that our Bishop paid for all of our meals. We were shocked and grateful that he would be so kind to do this for us and this gave me hope in humanity once again.

This made me believe that there are still some great people in the world. 

So of course God knows I am hard headed and need another message and yesterday when I got to church he gave me one.

Our Bishop had a guest speaker and the message was about having faith. See God always knows what message to give me. He started off with this verse:

"Faith is the substance of things hoped for but cannot see"

He went one to say that hope keeps pushing something into the future. Hope is the promise of the future, faith is the substance.

Faith is giving substance to our hope. 

"Live by faith and not by sight"

There is always going to be something to be seen in life and we have to learn to be comfortable in that.

"Without faith it is impossible to please God"

God wants to reward you, he is a giving God but you must have faith. How can you believe in him and not have faith? Sometimes when things are going bad we ask for more faith. How do you know you don't have it now? 

How does faith feel?

Faith has no feeling to it...

So then how do you get faith?

"Faith come by hearing and hearing by the word of God"

If you heard, then you have faith.

You can't work your faith into place, you already have faith. It in the bible and it tells us that:

"As god has dealt to each one a measure of faith"

God has given us all faith and I think sometimes I need to hear the word, sometimes I know I am not perfect and I need to hear the word, I need God to speak to me through my pastor so that I can change. I need to hear the word multiple times in order to change. I am so glad God knows this as well and keeps giving it to me and allowing me to learn the lessons and to grow.

So today my friends remember no one is perfect, people may not have your heart but if you have faith, if you hold on to that, it will show you the good in people and it will even renew your faith in people, just by having faith.

"Be the change you want to see"

 

"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

**Now released my latest book**

The Blessing in Disguise.... revealed

https://www.amazon.com/Blessing-Disguise-Revealed-story-faith/dp/1074340493/ref=sr_1_19?keywords=the+blessing+in+disguise&qid=1561392004&s=books&sr=1-19

***Now available***

My 1st book The blessing in Disguise 

Selling on my website:

Http://www.treadmilltreats.com

And on Amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_13?qid=1462358109&sr=1-13&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=the+blessing+in+Disguise

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

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#francescavillardienterprise