#and now here I am... unemployed :)
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validate it bro
#(pt2 prev)#okay so iād had a long day at work.#walking home from the station.#start to unlock the front door.#wait a minute. i worked today. i used my laptop today. where is my laptop.#i accept the fact that my laptop is. Lost.#okay so i left it on the train. thatās okay itās on the train.#we arenāt too far from where the line terminates#surely they peep the carriages before sending it back up the line ā¦. right :)#yeah okay letās just get on the next train and see if itās been handed in#excellent next one is 4 mins away#so then i get to the last station and tell the first staff member i see that iāve left a laptop on the last train that arrived here#they look me in my eyes (did NOT hold my hand) and said - i hate to be blunt. but we are in *redacted*. itās gone#i swear i fell to my knees#ohhh okay so now im unemployed. no i am panicking.#nah but also like itās so fineā¦. ā¦ā¦..#also i already emailed lost property. maybe someone took it and handed it in at another station :)#:)#all of a sudden a legend of person goes - Oi it only just left the platform. itās heading back to the city. call *redacted* station and ask#someone looks through carriage for it#LETS GOOOOOOOO#ok we are back on. hope is still glowing#it was a whoole mission getting in contact with the other station#finally we establish contact#(over walkie talkieš)#Donna answers#donna hello we have a high value item that was left on a train that is soon to arrive at your station#Donna coordinates The Check#we wait.#and wait.
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god i never know how to deal with people misreading my age. conversational minefield
#part of it is not having a job#like i get 'so are you a student' and saying 'no' is too blunt but im not gonna say 'no i'm unemployed'#so i fumble my way out of the question and try to change the subject#and then they ask me what i'm studying & it's like. okay. i guess i am a student for the purposes of this conversation#do i just start recreationally lying to people? is that the move here?#context: stranger in hotel elevator#god it ALSO does not help that im travelling with my parents!!!#immediate -5 to whatever anyone thinks my age is if parents are present#ill take it over being misgendered but. ough#personal#i guess Student-Aged is not necessarily wrong. students can be any age#update: told my dad about this#he laughed at me (good-naturedly) & told me to say i recently graduated#i mean. almost 2 years ago now. but truer than pretending to be a student!#that works. ill be prepared next time. thanks dad
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I'm so tired
#so tired of always being the one who has to start over somewhere else#the one who people are always asking if i have found a new job already ''since you won't be needed here anymore''#and the one who people always console like ''oh but you'll find something i'm sure of it''#while secretly thinking to themselves ''boy am i happy that ain't me lol imagine being unemployed in this economy''#by now i'm starting to believe the sole purpose of my existense on this earth is for other people to feel better about themselves#but hey somone's gotta take one for the team and be unemployed and ugly and unlikeable
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sorry i've been so m.i.a today, but i've quite literally had to go into hiding from one of my brothers who's been threatening violence against me and making me genuinely feel fearful of my life, so that's how my monday's been going. š
#*carly catalogs#*personal#tbd#to give some background i owe him money#but i only have $68 in my account last time i checked and am unemployed#and i've been struggling with my mental health a lot the past few months#thus making it hard to do any actual real job hunting#plus i have till april 16th to rack up $400 for a car insurance bill#and rn i'm relying on money from plasma donations to pay it off#but you can only donate twice a week for $100-$130 per week#so from here on out until april 16th i have what....4-5 weeks of donations to somehow make $400?????#which will just barely make it to the amount i need for that bill that's due#assuming i don't get denied to donate for low protein bc that happens a lot i'm notorious for having low protein#anyway i'm safe and cozy in bed now with the door locked.....#gonna try to relax even though i'm super on edge about him coming back bc he's so violent rn it's actually scary#it's not that i've forgotten or anything either ik i owe him money and i feel guilty that i can't pay him back right this second#but i'm his sister and he knows how hard i'm struggling rn so you'd think he'd be a little more understanding#ik i would if the roles were reversed and i was in his shoes#instead of threatening to beat people and i quote āblack and blueā and breaking things when he doesn't get his way#*sighs* once again i'm sorry..... i'm sorry if you read through all of this and applaud you if you did ššššš#you're a trooper and i love you š„ŗš«¶
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what if i lost the will to live like. as a joke. what then.
#i am fine ftr im just. exhausted haha#NOT to overshare about my personal life too much but my dog is dying. my horse is being given back to his og owner this summer / fall.#my dads kicking me out in two years (in favor of his girlfriend and her kids bc he would rather live w them!!!)#his alcoholism is driving me crazy bc hes treating me like absolute shit and berating me constantly#and stealing from me š#ive lost my healthcare benefits + now have to either raw dog therapy out of pocket or loose my therapist#a therapist that took me a year of being on a waiting list to get in w btw#and idk i just genuinely feel like a loser rn like. im a 23 year old unemployed fat virgin who plays video games all day like. š§#where is this going for me. what is the point of it all. in two years im going to be fucking homeless on top of all that#unless some miracle happens bc as is i am too disabled to work.#im just reaching a point where i deeply dont care anymore. whatever happens happens im done fighting it#and ik its the abandonment issues talking here but knowing my dad is planning on abandoning me. š#thats two for two on parents leaving me. my entire family has at this point so like truly i cant trust any relationship#like if my PARENTS find me that unbearable. and my best friend who knew me my entire life thought so. then truly every relationship#i ever have is on a fucking timer like. idk if any besties r reading this im sorry i promise this is in no way a dig at yall#bc you guys do really make me feel loved and secure in a way no one else has but. id be lying if i said i wasnt still scared#anyways enough oversharing#i really am fine and safe rn btw like. at minimum u guys r stuck w me until arc*ne season 2 comes out š#my post
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hello š
#hi hi i am never on here anymore tumblr my tumblr i miss you#tbf itās because my life has been so crazy busy#i am no longer unemployed and am in fact in the career i wanted. YAY!#also i love my girlfriend and my cats and my life and healing and growth#and alsoā¦self worth question mark#something i have historically struggled with but am now getting less mentally ill about#HALLELUJAH!#i can never quite wrap my head around how lucky i am#and how fulfilled i am#this much happiness feels like it shouldnt be real but. i am actually deeply known and loved through my worst moments and my best and itās#the most healing thing iāve ever experienced#shoutout to my girlfriend (sooner rather than later wife) for being just. the most perfect person for me and the best person ive ever met#sheās my best friend fr#eek. life is good and love is good and we both have colds that are going to last through christmas but i know it will still be the best#christmas of my life because itās with them#life is looking up :)#craziest concept to a very traumatised girlie is that life can actually be good and happy but im slowly learning to trust it#<3#valentina talks
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i need to know is anyone else in ten same boat as me where yoore in your 20s living withh your parents still and if one of them gets a job that would require a move you would have to go with them i need to know im not the only guy in a sitch like this. or like were you ever in a situation like this
#im unemployed but working on it but even if i was employed i could Not stay here anyway#i am kind of havinga freak out right now because i am obsessed with Is this normal. Does this happen to other people.#i really do not feel safe or comfortable moving in w roommates bc they would be strangers because i have basicalyno friends in real life :)#i worry to much about Being Normal abd having Normal Experiences Like Everyone Else but i am just too self conscious#and insecure to not worry! i have to be like everyone else all the time because otherwise im doing Life Wrong#can you tell im having an anxiety attack š
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double fisting a beer and an aperol reading a book!!!! in public!!!!!!!!!!!! i feel so good the weather is so beautiful i can hear a fountain
#iāve walked so much today and had an ~Ćøkologisk~ hotdogā¦..i am so happy#which makes me sad because. i want to live here but i only want to live here if i am unemployed and have endless amounts of money :)#and only if i spoke fluent danish ;)#which i do not ;)#everyone just takes their time when they eat out here#i feel like iām the last few years the us started TIMING you when you ate in restaurants??? what about lingering??? settling??? chatting???#:/#i wish i smoked cigarettes so bad right now
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First Fanfiction.net got banned in my country. Then Tumblr because according to our government, said sites are immoral š
You could only operate them through VPN in your mobile. I am not aware of VPN for desktop. So uploading stories on ffn is impossible.
Ao3 was my alternative and so far I enjoyed using it. But now that too got snatched away no thanks to ddos.
Why can't we have nice things?! š„²š
#No you don't understand#I am not being dramatic here#There's nothing going in my life right now#Unemployed#unmarried and not on vacations#Living in a damaged country with shitty and tyrant people ruling over us#Ao3 was one of few joys in my stagnant life#And now that too went away šš#Ao3#archive of our own#Fanfiction#Tumblr#I hate it here!
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the fact that people own ipads sounds fake to me
#š§
#LIKE THAT IS 1000 DOLLARS AT LEAST#i've been saving up for seven years i am not kidding you and i havent managed to make that amount of money#and i keep saying that some day when i dont have exams and i dont have university i'll have the time to work an actual job that i;m not#called in once a month i might afford it but then i'll have pay bills so i still will not have that amount of money#technically for the next five years it's illegal for people to employ me because i'm in uni. which is. i'm a fucking idiot for signing up t#the university i got into this year without going and take exams again just so i can get student packs cause i dont even fucking use them#and i can't be legally employed. AND i've lost a year where i'm allowed student packs while i'll definitely need them when i ACTUALLY go to#university#i have zero money. well i have my savings but i am not fucking touching that ever because i'll move out next year and i'd like to not#actually have zero money#and like. greece is super based for free university and good on them. the way you get into said university is super fucked and impossible#bur whatever free university. BUT LIKE. why can i not work#not legally at least. i can still work and be payed without being officially hired but then than work won't count in any future subsidies#i'll definitely have because i literally wan to study theatre i'll be unemployed forever.#and i fucking hate it here#and this post was actually just meant to be about how expensive ipads are. but now its this whole rant.
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i love the commentary in the tags. like you always have something to say about it and that possibly is the reason i like this blog so much
i get asks like these on occasion, and i do appreciate it! asks like these are why i've considered streaming before if folks just like hearing what i have to say, but have never gotten around to it, partially just because i assume my hubris would be my downfall and it wouldn't have the turnout i'd hope for. my commentary has been getting a little more lackluster as finals were coming up, though, but i try to say things when i can just because of asks like this (so thank you!)
now take this:
most interesting nose rating so far. bravo. clapping AND cheering
#not pkmn#especially since i just graduated college and am currently unemployed and failing to get all but One interview#for a job in indianapolis when i don't have a car and am on post-graduation money so i don't really have a way to even get there#being able to stream to make money would be a life saverā arguably. but!! i probably wouldn't be able to do it anyway#holly hollowtones is the biggest example i think of as ātumblr funnyperson who started streaming bc they already had a following#and had a big turnout and was able to turn it into a careerā but i doubt i could do that. i don't think i have the same kind of following#especially not folks who're here 'cause they like listening to me talk. usually they're here for the pokĆ©mon#but i do appreciate it regardless. you see what i'm doing right now? i'm talking. you've given me the opportunity to speak and i'm doing it
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anyways iām back home besties
#i got here yesterday#iāve been unemployed for a little over a month now n i havenāt done shit bc i was staying w my brother#i was only home for like 5 days during that time#but starting tomorrow i am setting up a schedule for myself āļø not today bc iām tired n didnāt get enough sleep but TOMROROW. i swear#.txt
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dont ever move back home. you'll live there for two weeks and already been reminded every day, multiple times, what a failure you are
#sorry for venting on main i will be deleting this later#but its like š„² i know i dont pay rent im working on it. i know i dont have a job (but im starting one in a week) i am working on it.#i know i studied for three years and lived on my own and yet havent been able to get any job at all much less in the industry#i dont want to live here!! i dont want to be unemployed!! i dont want to not have any money!!#i feel like such a failure and dad reminds me of that at least twice a day#anyways i gotta get back to cleaning now#because i am now essentially a housewife. i only clean and cook and i dont leave the house because if i do i get yelled#(because i havent cleaned or cooked or done the laundry that day)#shush nono shush
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the number of times I've gotten a migraine while chipping away at an openAPI spec would suggest that this much YAML is not good for your brain... still never gonna use the swagger UI though
#it's kinda crazy really. this time last year I was working through tom johnson's API docs course and hadn't written a swagger doc in my life#and now here I am... unemployed :)
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also i'm soooo brave guess who got a credit card and has actually used it to make a purchase, very beautiful very powerful šŖ
#guys will spend their 'formative' years being so ill in various ways and not learning to do ~responsible adult~ stuff#and then face the consequences by getting refused credit as a late 20s year old because they were too sick to be building a credit historyā#now i am learning how to Do That as a disabled and unemployed person. spoilers the world does not want you to it seems!#thank you to my friends (and family but they're not here :P) for helping me work out what on earth i am meant to be doing. i am LEARNING!#wish it felt like society as a whole wanted disabled people who can't work to be able to like. exist like other people and be#allowed to do stuff but despite the issues (systemic ableism etc i guess) we are doing it anyway!#this 'basic' thing is a cause for great celebration to me :P and so so scary. BUT gotta do it anyway! disabled people are allowed futures!#YIPPEE
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We are now on day 2 of crying at work
#I cannot afford to be unemployed but Iām getting to the point where I wonder if draining my savings#will be better than staying here until I can find something better#i feel like work never works out for me#itās just one bad job after another#Will things even improve if I go somewhere else?#and o think about my degree all the time#āstudy what you loveā they say and yet it didnāt help#not only am I now unsure if I chose the right degree because so few jobs in that field actually appeal to me post graduation#but I also am not in the financial or mental state to move away from my friends and family#and getting a job with my degree will require moving to a different state#the only time I ever wish Iād never been born is when I have trouble with work or think about work
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