#and people move on too; even without setbacks like the turn fandom has faced. it's just the nature of fandom

[hmsannlett]

Hi, there! You don't sound like a downer, just realistic! I'm merely basing my theory on a tweet from Alex Rose, who told someone that TURN will be on AMC+. I'd think if anyone knows whether or not it will return to streaming, it'd be him! ;) We cannot be sure whether or not it'll be available for streaming, but I think we can be (cautiously) hopeful! TBC...

I didn't know that the fandom was responsible for a S3/S4 renewal! I mean, I understand why that would be true for any series in general, but that's interesting! And I'm sure the writers did the best they could, and perhaps, like us, were saddened that S5 wasn't happening. ☹ Nevertheless, like you so wisely said, that's the blessing of fanfiction! And what a gift in the broken pieces, to be inspired to write beautiful stories such as you're doing! 😊

Ah, I thought Turn was already on AMC+ (I thought someone on here mentioned that shortly after it was removed from Netflix, it had been made available on AMC+). Even so, I'm not very hopeful about a fandom revival, since AMC+ isn't nearly as popular as Netflix. And, of course, there's the perennial issue now of there being so many streaming services to choose from that people have to decide which will give them the biggest bang for their buck because it's so expensive subscribing to multiple services. And I don't see a lot people choosing AMC+ instead of or in addition to, say, Netflix or Hulu, when those both have large libraries and a wide variety of shows and movies to choose from.

If Turn ever returned to Netflix, there would be a chance former fans might return to the fandom/new fans would join the fandom, but I'm sure AMC would rather have Turn as part of their streaming service where they get direct revenue than licensing it out to Netflix, where there's less of a chance people would notice Turn among all of the shows and movies Netflix offers (and, depending on how Turn did on Netflix before, they may not try to license it again). Tbh, I don't know if Turn would be very popular on AMC+ either, since AMC's biggest shows (Better Call Saul, The Walking Dead, etc.) aren't similar to Turn and wouldn't attract the same audience.

(This is still sounding rather Eeyore-ish, I apologize!) Ultimately, for a lot of the fans who have disappeared over the past year, what they liked about Turn being on Netflix was the ease of accessing it because they already had Netflix subscriptions. I don't think AMC+ hosting Turn will make too much of a difference, unfortunately. :/ I'll be very happy to eat crow if Turn is restored to Netflix/the fandom inexplicably has an upswing, but given how quickly the fandom dropped off after Turn was removed from Netflix and how it's shrunken to almost nothing this year, I don't have a lot of hope of it even becoming half of what it was before.

I'm glad (and amazed, like I said before) that the fandom has lasted as long as it has, but I don't have the hope that I did back in January that people might come back. I'd hoped back then that it was just the combination of Turn being removed from Netflix and the holidays, which kill every fandom's activity levels, but as time went on, I realized that it was simply that nearly everyone had jumped ship. I've been coming to accept that this year, but it's been difficult watching fandom friends leave and feeling increasingly like I'm posting into a void (although I very much appreciate your continued enthusiasm! Knowing I'll find asks in my inbox from you makes it feel less like I'm posting into a void ❤︎).

Yep, that was the fandom's doing (at least for S4; I'm not certain about S3)! Oh, definitely. One of the writers, LaToya Morgan, shipped Annlett hard and was devastated that their story line couldn't be resolved as she wanted it to. (She even jokes on Twitter every so often about writing a fanfic of what she wanted their ending to be.) Alex Rose was also very fond of Hewlett; I think he even said Hewlett was his favorite character. I don't know where he stood on Annlett, but he rooted for Hewlett like the rest of us. He was disappointed about the nixing of S5, too, as I recall. So we're certainly not alone!

[readerinsertfanfiction]

hii I was wondering, if it’s not too much, could you write a little something that’s like childhood best friends to lovers with Naruto? I’m such a sucker for those. Being friends with him since the beginning even though everyone hated him, & just him being confused on why you’re friends with him and it leads to a confession?🥺. Thank youuu🧡🖤

Ooh, it has been a loooong while since I wrote anything for Naruto, I feel. Let’s see what I can cook up for ya! 

Fandom: Naruto

Character: Naruto Uzumaki 

The kyuubi attack had left many orphans, both young and old, including you. Within one night you found yourself all alone in this world before you had even a consciousness in which you could realise the loss you had faced and properly mourn it. A loss you hadn’t even realised you had, nor any understanding of what had happened for you to lose everything that you were supposed to be born and grow with. And with the village in ruins the adults were too preoccupied to cumber over yet another orphan. You, along with many others, were left to your own devices and that was a bitterness you could understand.

“These adults are stupid,” you had exclaimed one day after that the hokage had visited you once more. Barely of any age you had to fight and you had to grow faster than any child in the village who did keep their parents. “Thinking they can pick on us just because we have no adults to spit on them,” you continued your complaints as you turned towards a certain blond, a young boy who was just like you, an orphan.

“Is that why you spat on him?” the boy had questioned, eyes wide and a little dirty. It was just another day for him, where he was cursed and glared at, pushed and ignored for whatever reason other than that he had no parents.

“That was nothing compared to what I was about to do! If only I wasn’t held back,” you exclaimed with a scoff before turning to the boy.

“Those adults should feel bad for bullying us kids. But we gotta stick together as well. After all, there is no one else who will stick up for us.”

The statement rang true as you offered your hand to the other. A peer, one of the many, but for some reason that you couldn’t comprehend, even more rejected than you and your lot were.

“What’s the name?” you question the boy and once more stark blue eyes and whiskers on the face looked up at you, a suspicious glare on his face first before he mumbled:

“Naruto. Naruto Uzumaki.”

And to this you flashed a grin, grabbing hold of his hand as you shook it wildly, just as you had seen people greet each other. How you had seen friends bump into each other.

“Well, Naruto, let’s be friends!”

The exclamation rang true and it did so for years, with the two of you doing everything together. Mischief, pranks, growing up in general. Even attending the academy was done together, but where Naruto was held back by some unseen force you had managed to move on, soon making yourself a known name, a talent to behold, a figure to look up to.

It left Naruto with a bitter distaste, for the two of you always had been together, always had been equals and now you suddenly were not. But he never let it show, encouraging you to pursue the path the both of you had chosen.

“I will wait for you to catch up!” you had promised and Naruto only flashed a grin back;

“Don’t wait too long, or I might actually pass you by!” he had said, sparkling that bright and optimistic aura of his, never beaten down by a failure it seemed. How you admired his determination and strength for that, for you knew that you weren’t half as strong if it wasn’t for his stubbornness at your side.

“Still a genin?” you smirk as you welcomed your old friend back into the village. The years had passed and the two of you had grown into teens, fine teens that were allowed to be proud of their accomplishments.

“Just you watch, I will catch up soon and be a chunin like you!” the male exclaimed, bright and cheery, always encouraging and never with a cloud on his mind. Confident as ever, despite all the setbacks he had faced, despite the horrible truths he had to learn about himself and the village. You as well were aware of them by now.

You laughed, hands on your hips as you let your head fall back into your neck. A precious friend he was indeed. The same old Naruto, with or without that monster within him that had taken away so much, but given you even more.

“I’m a jounin by now,” you revealed, expecting Naruto’s eyes to grow wide as sausages as his lips would fall agape like a fish. You were waiting for his surprise, just as you were expecting him to congratulate you with that same old cheer.

There was silence instead, and when you peeled open an eye you found that your best friend was looking down at the ground, his fist balling up before he finally lifted his face with a forced grin.

“I really can’t beat ya, eh?” he sighed instead and you instantly knew there was something amiss.

“Naruto…”

“Haha, what else could I have expected from you, my role model?” the male continued and you felt a stab in your chest, wondering why he was referring to you as an example instead of a friend, for were you not?

“I will have to work extra hard to live up to your standards, or else I fear you won’t be hanging out with me anymore,” he continued to exclaim and yet again you felt a stab to your chest, wondering why Naruto spoke so distantly.

“Because we’re friends?” you tried, brows furrowing to which Naruto scratched his face, not really sure what you meant it seemed before he sighed.

“Hey, now that you’re a jounin you get access to all these super secret files, right? Maybe you can look into Sasuke’s file for me?”

You felt your heart break at the mention of that male’s name. The one that had so quickly surpassed you as a friend. The one that Naruto had thrown himself into entirely and devoted so much of his time to. The one that seemed to have pushed you out of his life so completely.

“If I were in Sasuke’s place, would you have been as desperate?” you suddenly find yourself questioning the blond who freezes at your tone. This time his eyes did grow wide and his mouth fell open agape, like you had hoped it would do when you would reveal your new rank to him.

“There is no need to save you from evil. How could you ever be as dumb as that Sasuke?” Naruto exclaims instead, earning a grit from your teeth as you clench your fists. You were being unfair, you knew that, but it hurt all the same.

“Perhaps I should, because all you ever talk about is Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke. What about us? Aren’t we friends? I was your friend before he was,” you spit out the vitriol that is building up within your lungs, but you regret the words immediately as you see Naruto’s expression fall, hurt in the same way you were.

“Whatever, I had hoped you would value me more,” you ended the conversation and left.

That this was the way you guys parted left a bad taste. Nonetheless, the both of you were of the stubborn kind and neither wanted to approach the other to speak of the hurts within their hearts. You missed him, but you didn’t dare to admit your fault, didn’t want to face your shame.

When the Akatsuki attacked the village you once more made another realisation. One that you should have realised so much sooner, but that your anger and your bitterness had prevented you from realising. When your friend, the bestest you had, was thrown up into the air by the crowd, hailed a hero despite his low rank and his former image, finally earning his place in the village. It was then that you realised that, as Naruto shared his magic and his warmth with the people around him, that you had lost him.

“Hey,” you greeted him one late night. You had gone home early that day, on purpose, so that you could wait at the window for your friend to appear. The same window that you guys shared, for neither of you had ever moved despite life looking up.

“Hey,” came the greeting back from a boy that had grown into a fine male, a hero like he had always imagined himself to be. Naruto had been late to get back that night, what with the village now occupying him.

“Congratulations,” you spoke, and to this Naruto seemed confused, not really understanding what he was being congratulated for. “Congratulations for surpassing me,” you clarified and to this Naruto’s eyes drooped a little, an understanding settling in.

“Listen I--”

You cut him off, hand rising as you shrug your shoulders, trying to find your words.

“I shouldn’t have made you choose between Sasuke and me. I know we both hold a different meaning in your life,” you start, eyes downcast as you remember the words ‘role model’ and ‘example’. When you had become such you weren’t sure, but it still bit.

“I never thought of myself as better than you, or someone you needed to surpass,” you smile, knowing that it took you long enough to realise what your feelings were and that it was better to let it out now, now that your friendship seemed to have grown to a natural end. “You were my best friend, still are,” you trail off as you gather your courage to continue.

“And also the person I like the best in this rotten world.”

You knew that after his ascension to legendary heroes that Naruto had received the attention of many. Even more had fallen for him, as there was a daily and steady string of confessors each day that wished to share and convey their feelings to him. You just hoped that none of them were as dear as you had once been, that you still held an edge because of your longstanding friendship.

The silence that followed after was even more suffocating than the silence you had shared before, clear blue eyes focussed upon you, confused and conflicted, and could you blame him for that?

“I,” the male started, letting the words sink in. How familiar you were to that expression of his when Naruto was truly and really trying to progress something.

“I think you are also the best in this world!” he exclaimed loudly and you scoff out a laugh, nearly ramming your head into the side of your window as you try not to launch yourself into a drum against the wall.

Somewhere you had expected this answer to come from him. Dear as Naruto was, he simply wasn’t the brightest, but definitely the dearest. You were fine with giving him the time and room needed to realise what you really meant. There was time after all, you weren’t planning on leaving him alone after all. 

[duhragonball]

Battle Tendency Liveblog: JJBA Ch. 77-82

Here’s a nice map that explains the current plot situation.   Lisa Lisa resides on “Air Suplena Island”, an ancient Ripple Clan training facility off the coast of Venice.   Apparently there’s a second, smaller island for fighting.   The boys were supposed to have their final tests here by fighting their instructors-- Joseph vs. Loggins and Caesar vs. Messina.   But...

Esidisi showed up first and killed Loggins just as Joseph arrived for his test.  Esidisi seems to have found some clue that the Red Stone of Aja is here, although for some reason he checked this “adjacent island” first instead of the main one.   Anyway, Joseph shows up and quickly puts it all together. 

This particular moment gets crapped on a bit in the fandom, because Joseph observes that Loggins’ lungs were ripped out, and the lungs are vital for Hamon users, but they’re kind of vital for anybody, so it feels like a silly thing for Joseph to say out loud.   I think the real point he’s trying to make here is that Esidisi killed Loggins with a single kick.   As formidable as Loggins is, Esidisi knew exactly where to strike for a one-hit-kill.   Like, Santana wouldn’t have known to do that, because he’s never fought Ripple Clan guys before.   He might have gone for another vital area, not realizing that a skilled Hamon-weilder like Loggins could defend it as long as he could breathe.  

Anyway, the stakes just got raised for Joseph’s final test.  Beating Loggins was going to be a challenge in itself, but now Joseph will have to defeat the guy who killed Loggins in one blow.   But Joseph was going to have to fight Esidisi eventually anyway, so we might as well get it out of the way now.

But it’s JJBA, so no climactic battle would be complete without some absurd shots of buff dudes striding towards each other.   Well, the early parts more than the later ones.  

I’m not sure why there’s a pit full of spikes on this island, but I assume Loggins planned to fight Joseph here, since Joseph easily uses Hamon to walk on the spikes without getting hurt.   As for Esidisi, he just impales his feet on the spikes, because he can regenerate his body anyway. 

You know, actually, that seems like a really bad move on Esidisi’s part.   If these spikes are made of metal, and attached to a metal plate on the bottom, then Joseph could send his Ripple through the whole structure and zap Esidisi right now.   At least, I’m pretty sure Hamon conducts through metal.

I just looked it up, and apparently metal can’t store Hamon, but it will pass through metal, so I think that would be good enough for a trick like this to work.  Or maybe these are just stone spikes and they’re not interconnected.   Also, I finally found out that “Hamon” is just the Japanese word for “Ripple”, so that explains why the terms are used interchangeably. 

This fight is pretty awesome, but it’s tricky, so I’ll try to summarize the action as best I can.   Initially, Esidisi doesn’t even want to fight Joseph, because he’s only here to search for the Stone of Aja, and he doesn’t think Joseph has improved enough to bother wasting time on him.    But Joseph insists.   He wants to avenge Loggins, and he has to stop Eisidisi from proceeding to Air Suplena Island, and he wants the antidote to that poison ring in his throat.   

Esidisi is surprised when Joseph’s Ripple is strong enough to force his finger through Esidisi’s hand, but he still thinks he’s strong enough and fast enough to kill Joseph before he can channel more Hamon through his finger.   But that was just a diversion.    The whole time, Joseph had been unspooling a string, the other end of which was tied to the hand of Loggins’ corpse.  Joseph loops it around Eisidisi’s other arm, and it’s been soaked with vegetable oil, so it’s perfect for charging with Hamon.   

I guess he only tied the string to Loggins’ body to provide a weight on the other end while Joseph sprang his trap.   Anyway, he lops off Eisidisi’s forearm, and dedicates the attack to his dead teacher.   You know, I have to think Joseph had a lot of these tricks ready in advance.   I mean, he came here to fight Loggins, so maybe he figured a string soaked in vegetable oil would give him an advantage.   

Joseph expects Esidisi to be furious, but instead the dude starts bawling like a baby.   Joseph is confused and unnerved by this...

... and he’s even more unnerved when Esidisi regains his composure.  He explains that a good cry helps him balance his mood.    Earlier, Joseph mentioned Sun Tzu, so Esidisi tops him by suggesting that he knew Sun Tzu during his travels in China.   I’m not sure why Esidisi would have bothered meeting or reading Sun Tzu, though, since the Pillar Men have been so dismissive of “primitive” humans up to this point.   This is the most any of them have spoken to a human, so far, and it seems pretty clear by now that they only bother talking to Joseph because he’s proven himself to be a mildly worthy adversary.   Unless Sun Tzu had super powers, I’m not sure why Esidisi would bother remembering the guys name.    Then again, maybe Sun Tzu had super powers in the JoJo-verse.

Esidisi’s point is that Joseph only thinks that he won this battle before it began.  The missing hand isn’t even a setback, as Esidisi just hops over to Loggins’ corpse and grafts Loggins’ forearm onto his own.   Then he melts Loggin’s body just to show off his ability.   Back in Part 1, Dio could freeze things by altering his bodily fluids, but the Pillar Men have even greater control over their bodies.   Esidisi, for example, can heat his own blood to 600 degrees Celsius, hot enough to burn stuff.    I’m not sure why his blood doesn’t burn, but whatever.   He calls this his “mode”, and compares it to Wammu’s talent for manipulating air currents.   Perhaps appropriately, Joseph prepares his steel balls to use Clacker Volley.   So you can see how we’re getting closer and closer to the introduction of Stands in Part 3.

But Esidisi can do more than just burn things with his blood.   He can also extend blood vessels from his body, and shoot hot blood at his opponents.   And it looks like he’s got a clear shot at Joseph’s face...

Meanwhile, Caesar just finished his battle with Messina, who concedes defeat and gives Caesar a passing score.   Caesar immediately checks in on the other island to see how Joseph is doing, and Messina finds that odd.   A couple things here.   First, Caesar remarks how Joseph has a “heart of gold”, which I’m pretty sure is what Joseph himself said of Josuke and his friends at the end of Part 4, so that’s pretty neat.    Second, Messina compares Caesar’s friendship with Joseph to falling for a girl, so clearly Messina ships it.  

Anyway, Caesar discovers that Joseph is fighting a Pillar Man instead of Loggins, but they’re too far away for him to help.   Luckily, Eisidisi’s hot blood attack only hit Joseph’s breathing mask, so he doesn’t suffer serious injury.    But Eisidisi sprouts blood vessels from his back, too, basically trapping Joseph from all sides.   

Ah, but Joseph has been unraveling his wool hat the whole time, creating a trap within the trap.    This is where it gets kind of confusing.  

See, Esidisi’s whole deal here is that he seems to be one step ahead of Joseph, and he even rips off Joseph’s thing where he tells the other guy what he’s about to say next.  

All Esidisi has to do is cut the lines Joseph set up, and he won’t be able to conduct any Hamon through them.  Whoops.

Except, no!   Because... Huh?    Joseph talks about how magic tricks and illusions became popular in the 19th and 20th centuries, something Esidisi wouldn’t have known about, but Joseph is all into.    He didn’t just make one string through these spikes.  He did two, and wove them together in such a way that the second string would still be in tact even when the first was cut.    But he made sure that one of these strings would be at Esidisi’s back, so that when he cut the first he wouldn’t notice the second.  

Long story short: If you were wondering why Joseph’s Stand is Hermit Purple in Part 3, it’s because he used strings and ropes for almost everything in Part 2.  He wraps the remaining string around Esidisi, fires up his Ripple, and Esidisi has no choice but to take it head on. 

Unlike Santana, who simply turned into a stone-like material, Esidisi friggin explodes.  And this is why I doubt Santana survived for long after Part 2.  Now, Joseph’s Ripple is strong enough to destroy Santana quite easily, and we never saw that happen because by the end of this story killing Santana was probably a formality.    Anyway, Joseph finds Esidisi’s nose ring and drinks the antidote inside.

Only thing is, Esidisi isn’t dead.   His brain and nervous system survived that last attack, and somehow he snuck onto Joseph’s back.   On his way inside, Joseph runs into Suzie Q, Lisa Lisa’s... butler?   I’m not really sure.  Anyway, she’s never seen him without his mask on and they flirt a little before he goes to report to Lisa Lisa.  

But she’s taking a bath, and Joseph decides to check her out before he goes in.  I gotta say, this shot is way more tasteful than what they did in the anime version.  

I’m kind of rushing through this part, but it comes down to this, Esidisi jumped off Joseph’s back, then infiltrated Suzie Q’s body.  Controlling her like a puppet, he then found the Red Stone of Aja and gave it to the mailman.   Then he reveals himself to the others, and declares his intention to hold them off so that they can’t get the Stone back.   

I assume Esidisi isn’t powerful enough to put up much of a fight now, because his strategy mostly boils down to using Suzie Q as a hostage.   He’s willing to attack Joseph and the others and to injure Suzie Q’s body, but he knows they can’t kill him without using a Ripple so powerful that it would put too much strain on Suzie’s heart.  

Really, I’m not sure I understand that.   Hamon is fatal to vampires and Pillar Men, sure, and it can be used to hurt humans, but we’ve also seen it heal people too.   You’d think a concentrated Ripple would purge Esidisi from her body without harming her at all.   But then I guess we’d have no tension here, so whatever.   Joseph tries to call Esidisi’s bluff, but it doesn’t work.

Instead, Joseph reminds Caesar of the trick he used to get out of the Hell Climb Pillar, and they both attack Suzie Q at the same time.   Joseph sends repelling Hamon through her body, while Caesar sends attracting Hamon into her heart, and that somehow cancels it out so that she doesn’t die from this.   I’m not sure why the diagram needed nipples.  Well, I know why, but you know what I mean.

And that finishes off Esidisi.    His brain grabs hold of Joseph as it gets forced off of Suzie Q, but there’s nowhere to go from here.   They’re out in the sun, and everyone else in the room has Ripple powers, so what else can he do but succumb to death?   Caesar is disgusted by Esidisi’s underhanded tactics, but Joseph respects Esidisi for fighting so doggedly to support his comrades and their cause.   This stunt with Suzie Q was pretty shameful, but it was all Esidisi could do, so he went for it.  

I dunno, I’m with Caesar on this one.    Esidisi’s a pretty awesome villain, and I respect the heel heat of using an innocent woman as a hostage, but I can’t respect him in a “noble warrior” kind of way.    Rest in piss, Esidisi.   

[saiilorstars]

Dare To Forget Me

Ch. 25: Owing Zero

/ Previous chapters /

Fandom: Law & Order SVU

Pairing:  Rafael Barba x Female OC

Warnings: Due to the nature of the series’ plots, I do have to rate this as ‘mature’ for constant mentions of rape.

Taglist: @ocfairygodmother @anotherunreadblog @maaaaarveeeeel​ 

[If you’d like to be added to this specific OC’s stories/edits, send me a message!]

~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ` 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~

Chapter Summary: With her spirits lifted a bit, Montserrat returns to work. In the end, though, she has some special advice as a farewell to her old partner.

Flashes of cop cars and ambulances illuminated the night street. SVU had picked up a robbery and rape late in the night and were all over the scene.

"You're here," Sonny's surprise made Montserrat roll her eyes, though there was a tiny smile on her face as she walked up to the scene.

She definitely looked more put together than the last time they'd seen her. There was that sneaky smile on her face, the glint of 'it's time to work' was back in her eyes. "Who else would it be?" she responded since she was aware, from Olivia's texts, that Amanda was MIA again.

You doin' better, then?" Sonny walked alongside her towards the victims' house, which turned out to be quite big and elegant.

"A little," Montserrat shrugged her shoulders. "So, what do we got?"

Sonny led her into the house that turned out to be even more elegant on the inside. It was crystal white, though now tarnished with overturned furniture and broken glass.

"It's a Brazilian diplomat's home. Perp uses the security keypad, enters, pulls a gun, ties the husband up, rapes the wife. He took some cash but left her jewelry and electronics."

Montserrat stopped in front of an empty wall that had marks of where a portrait once hung. "And I'm assuming we got some missing art?"

"Major case is sending over their art crimes expert," Sonny said and was met with surprised eyes.

"Art crimes expert?"

"Apparently some significant paintings were stolen."

Olivia walked into the home, along with Amanda, and was surprised to find Montserrat inside. However, the sergeant seemed to be pleased once it hit her. "Novak, glad to have you back."

Montserrat nodded. "Duty calls and I think I'm taking advantage of my sick days."

"Alright," Olivia looked ahead to where Fin was interviewing the presumed-to-be husband, "Let's go see what we have."

Amanda tailed behind the sergeant looking pretty rattled for a detective who'd been around these crimes more than she could count.

"Does Amanda seem off to you?" Montserrat meant only for Sonny to hear, but instead she got Nick on the side answering her.

"Yes! Finally someone agrees!"

"Okay…" Montserrat cleared her throat. Maybe she'd missed out more than she thought.

~ 0 ~

Though their case had the potential to be a big one since the victims were foreigners and diplomats, both of them seem to shut down.

Olivia had all the papers of their call last night set on the conference table. She was going through each of them just to make sure they had the right details since there was a clear contradiction between now and last night. "So the diplomat told the responding detective that he saw the rapist's face, but he told you that the rapist wore a mask?" he locked eyes with Fin since he was the one who interviewed the husband.

"Yeah," Fin gave the confirming nod.

"And how's the wife?"

"She shut down," Montserrat answered. She and Amanda tried to interview the wife but as soon as she saw them, she told them she didn't remember anything. "Maybe she's in shock."

"Or they know the perp and they're afraid of him," Sonny threw the idea out there which, logically thinking, could very well be it.

"Well, the assailant knew them-" Nick started counting off his fingers, "-knew their door code, which paintings to take…"

"So the rape is to throw us off?" Olivia made a face at him, not quite getting it.

"Or send a message."

"You know what? I can pull the front door security video, check for other cameras on the block," Amanda volunteered. She opened up her laptop to do the task but, for some reason, shifted when Nick moved to stand behind her and watch. "Okay, so the front door video's just gone."

"Well, the perp had to have taken it," Montserrat shrugged. "Not surprising. If anything, it just shows he's pretty damn smart."

"I found a good camera from across the street," Amanda said, but Sonny yelped behind her since she was zipping through the feed.

"Whoa, whoa. Slow down! You can't see a thing!"

"I got it, Carisi," Amanda rolled her eyes.

"This is going nowhere," Nick moved to take a seat next to Montserrat. "The victim wouldn't even do a rape kit so we've got nothing from her."

"But CSU recovered semen and hair from the crime scene. They're running the DNA," Fin said.

"Then we wait," Olivia rose from her chair and looked at Montserrat. "My office, Novak."

Of course. Montserrat sighed but nodded. She got up from her seat, ignoring the looks from the rest of the squad, and followed Olivia to her office.

"You look a lot better today, Montse," Olivia said as soon as the door was shut. She flashed one of her mother-hen smiles at the detective.

"Yeah, well, a friend helped," Montserrat said softly.

Olivia noticed the smile Montserrat was trying to keep hidden. "Well, I'll be sure to thank Kara when I see her."

"Mhm," Montserrat's eyebrows raised together since her sarcasm was threatening to spill. Yeah, she'd let Olivia think it was Kara. Better that way.

"And look, I am sorry I visited your old Captain," Olivia knew that despite having the best intentions, she didn't go about it the right way. "I wanted to help and I-I wanted Carroll to know that you were not alone. I went over. I'm sorry."

"I know you are," Montserrat nodded. Olivia Benson was incapable of being evil. "I just...I don't know if that was good or bad for me. Carroll retired which...I don't know, could mean that she does feel guilty."

"Oh, believe me, she was," Olivia still remembered the way Carroll looked after she yelled in the woman's face. "It is despicable that she manipulated you into staying quiet."

"Manipulated…" Montserrat repeated with a heavy breath. She chewed on her lower lip and bitterly chuckled. "I never really thought about it like that. That I was...manipulated." The realization that she was a victim had been a terrible moment, but the fact she'd been manipulated by her own Captain - a woman she looked up to - was a close second.

"You know...I know that you don't want to press charges, but...have you considered confronting Carroll?" Olivia knew it was a troublesome idea to throw out there, but she only wanted Montserrat to get some type of closure. "It sounds difficult but...maybe it can do you some good."

"I...never thought about that," Montserrat admitted. "My last interaction with Captain Carroll was a formal but with a clearly tensed atmosphere. To see her again...I don't know what that would do to me. Plus, even if I wanted to, Jonah said she retired and that no one's been able to contact her since then."

"We'd find her," Olivia said with absolute certainty.

"I have to think about that," Montserrat decided it would be better to think about the option when she wasn't at work.

"Okay," Olivia nodded. "But I'm here for you, alright?"

A small smile graced Montserrat's face. "I know. A lot of people are."

~0~

"Hey, we got a hit on the DNA," Fin announced to the rest of the squad. "Carlos Riva."

Amanda blinked in what anytime would call shock. "A-are you sure? I mean, he's in the system, and he leaves his DNA at the scene?"

"I take back what I said about the 'smart' thing," Montserrat muttered to Sonny.

"Does he have any record?" Nick asked Fin.

"He got a gun charge that just got dropped."

"Well, how do we have his DNA then?" Amanda still couldn't get over her surprise.

"Had a misdemeanor last fall, stalking in the fourth degree. He got it pled down to domestic assault."

"Good thing New York finally authorized all crimes DNA," Montserrat waved her pen in the air.

"He must've not realized that," Amanda said slowly, as if coming to terms with it. "He must've thought that once the gun charge was dropped his DNA wasn't in the system."

"So we're looking for an idiot," Sonny remarked.

"Aren't we always?" Montserrat had to think about it.

"The arrest report says he was a driver at a Chelsea art gallery," Fun read off more from their report. "I say we follow up with this gallery, see if he still works there."

"Guys, I've been on 16 hours," Amanda rubbed her face and offered her team a weak smile, silently asking to be let free.

"You go," Fin told the blonde. "We got this."

As Amanda hurriedly grabbed her things and made a hasty stride out of the bullpen, Fin watched Nick's lingering look on her. "Whatever you're thinking…don't."

Nick didn't have to say anything to indicate he was dying to know what Amanda was doing. And truth be told, the others were curious too.

~0~

It'd been a while since Montserrat visited Dr. Weslin and she felt like there was a lot of things she needed to get off her chest. It started from her birthday - which was, in general, troublesome before anything else - to Rafael, then the setback with Captain Carroll and, most recently, Jonah's appearance. It was the only free space Montserrat could use to say everything she thought without fearing the consequences.

"I'm very sorry you've been having a rough time," Weslin said after Montserrat finally finished. "But the way you've handled things...I'm happy to see you dealing with them."

"Well, I don't think I've been dealing with them in the most mature way," Montserrat admitted. "I've been reclusive, I've-I've been screaming. I've done a lot of screaming actually." If it wasn't for professionalism, Weslin might have chuckled. Montserrat continued to think about her way of acting afterwards and made a face. "I'm not joking."

"No, I know you're not."

"But even after all that, my friends...they still helped me. I'm grateful for that." Montserrat nodded at herself but as she continued to think about her latest period of life, it was hard to keep a head held high all the time. "Even if things don't always work out...I am grateful...for things. People."

Weslin lowered her head as a curious expression settled across her face. "Do we want to continue about these certain people?"

Montserrat's face was an unsure one. "There's not much left to say."

Her defeated tone was something Weslin took note of. "Sounds like it's final."

"Isn't it?" a weak smile left Montserrat's face. Even if she didn't want to keep talking about it, the words kept leaving her mouth. She supposed it was the fact she had the reigns of the conversation here. "I just don't have the energy to keep arguing with Rafael about this. What's the point? He's as stubborn as I am. Changing his mind is...next to impossible."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Weslin offered the woman a kind smile.

Montserrat shrugged because it was the only thing she could think of to do. "Least now I can try to move on. But you know, if it wasn't for Kara putting these ideas in my head...none of this would've happened. I probably wouldn't even have looked twice at this…" her hand made a gesture in front of her, "...stubborn, snarky ADA." Weslin kept a locked stare on Montserrat, no real expression on her face but it was enough for Montserrat to think twice and sigh. "Okay, maybe I would have. Much later, but...probably would have."

"I think it's good for you to admit that out in the open," Weslin said. "It's part of that moving on thing you want to do."

Montserrat sighed again but agreed with Weslin. She couldn't move on if she didn't accept her fault. And part of her fault - if not all of it - was that she kissed Rafael because she wanted to. It was not Kara. It wasn't even Rafael. It was her. All her.

"Yeah, I know," Montserrat glumly said. "But you know, the parts where I should be more confrontational is where I am alarmingly not."

"How do you mean?"

"You know how I mentioned my old partner was in town? I sort of had my go with my sergeant because of what Jonah told me. Turns out Olivia visited my old Captain and now the woman, suddenly, retired."

"You think it was connected?"

"Oh, I know it was," Montserrat nodded. "Olivia confronted Carroll about silencing my entire rape case. I guess she guilt tripped Carroll so much she decided to leave the police department. And now Liv is suggesting I find Carroll so I can...get things off my chest."

"Confront her," Weslin concluded. "How did you respond?"

"Same as always: 'I don't know'," Montserrat shook her head. "Story of my life. This is my case - my unsolved, not even started case - and I'm not sure about anything."

"Well, let's start with this: how does the idea of seeing Captain Carroll make you feel?"

"Angry," Montserrat said instantly, almost automatically. It was a realization for her, actually. The idea she was still angry with her Captain - that she was angry in the first place was mind-rattling. "Oh my God...I'm angry with her."

Weslin watched silently as Montserrat came to the conclusion on her own. It was usually how it went in these sessions. With Montserrat thinking lucidly about things, her mind opened to new possibilities and...new realizations.

"I mean, I never really thought about how I felt towards Carroll. Back then, before I left Queens Homicide, I just thought Carroll was making a tough call. Not pursuing my case so that we could get this awful woman. And when I got out of there, I made my personal mission to erase everything from that place...including my old squad." Montserrat gazed down at her fingers that were picking at each other.

"Sometimes it's not about forgetting that gets you through," Weslin remarked. "You try to seal it away like it never happened. It doesn't necessarily bring closure."

"Confronting Carroll though…" Montserrat put some actual thought into the idea, now with the fact she would no doubt scream in the old woman's face, "It would be satisfying but...not the kind I'm looking for."

"How do you mean?" Weslin asked, though by the look on her face she might have already known what Montserrat would get at.

"Even if I do say everything to Carroll...I wouldn't be content...because it's not him," Montserrat particularly picked at a spot near her left hand's thumb nail. She'd already picked at it so much she'd drawn blood from it last night. "I could scream in Carroll's face, at everyone who silenced the case...but it wouldn't be enough." Her dark eyes looked up from her open thumb wound and, for a minute, displayed hard hatred. Her voice even lowered. "They're not the man who hurt me. And that's why I don't want to confront Carroll."

~ 0 ~

It really seemed like SVU couldn't catch a break this week. If it wasn't their victims, then it was their actual employees.

Montserrat tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear as she watched footage of Amanda, wearing a cap meant to shield her face from security cameras, successfully checked out a gun belonging to the culprit of their recent rape. "This cannot be real," she looked up at Nick and Fin in shock.

"It is," Nick gave the low nod of his head. "I told you that something was up with her-"

Montserrat shut the laptop in front of her. "-yeah, but I thought she was just...I don't know...having a secret relationship or something! I didn't think it was...this!"

"That makes two," Sonny walked up to her desk with a cup of coffee in hand. He'd already watched the horrible footage.

"It gets worse," Fin hated to admit. "We got her at the Brazilian couple's house two nights ago when she was out sick."

"And there's more. Rollins brought in an elimination DNA sample-"

"-okay, stop!" Montserrat waved her hands to stop both of them. The more they went, the less she recognized Amanda. "I just...Amanda wouldn't do any of this stuff just because. She has to be in trouble."

"Doesn't matter, she's doing the wrong things now," Sonny shrugged. "We're showing this to Liv and...it'll be out of our hands."

"But we have to help Amanda too, not just throw her under the bus," Montserrat's insistence was met with some kind of agreement from Fin.

Still, Sonny was right. They needed to show everything they had to Olivia and let the sergeant make the decision how to proceed.

"Hey, where is Amanda right now?" Montserrat whispered to Sonny after Nick and Fin had gone into Olivia's office.

Sonny shrugged again. "Don't know. Called in sick again. But hey, I gotta ask you something…" Montserrat raised an eyebrow at his questionable shifting. "Kara just...she said she wanted to have dinner with her brother and her parents."

Montserrat really tried her best not to laugh. Sonny had suddenly become so nervous it was...yeah, she was a terrible person.

"I gotta ask how they are…" Sonny continued on, very grateful she wasn't laughing in his face already. "I've only met Damien once and that was for a few minutes."

"He's nice and funny," she waved him off. "And Kara's parents are so nice."

"Well yeah but they might only be nice to you because you're Kara's best friend. They might not share the same sentiment towards me…"

"...because you're screwing their daughter?"

Sonny deadpanned her and yet all she did was smile. He ultimately shook his head at her and moved on. "I am a little nervous here. It's tomorrow night at your place."

"Huh, Kara didn't mention that…" Montserrat paused to think but she realized she'd shut herself up and hadn't really given Kara a chance to talk to her. "But you'll be fine, Sonny. You have a natural born talent at being...charming." She rolled her eyes at his smug smile. "Don't get any wrong ideas, Carisi."

"Oh, don't worry, I know where your feelings lie." It was now Sonny's turn to smile innocently.

Montserrat, for her part, glared but only for a minute. "Whatever. Just be yourself and I'm sure everything will be fine. Oh!" she raised a finger in the air so suddenly that Sonny's eyes widened a bit. "But if you want to be extra sweet, bring in a souffle. Kara's mom loves a good souffle. It's funny, though, because Kara sucks at baking those."

"I know where I can get some good ones," Sonny started smiling as he thought about his gesture he'd definitely bring in. "Thanks, Montse."

"Of course," she shrugged. "You know I only kid about you and Kara, right? I actually am happy you guys are together and good."

Sonny smiled at the woman. "I know, Montse."

"Okay," Montserrat leaned back in her chair with a small smile. She then glanced in the direction of Olivia's office and wondered what the sergeant's reaction would be after hearing Amanda's rogue path.

~ 0 ~

That night, when Montserrat returned home, she saw Kara zipping around the apartment in an attempt to clean up. She had her hair tied up over her head, messy as if she'd been at this cleaning for hours. Without asking, Montserrat knew Kara must have been preparing for this dinner she hadn't known about.

"Hey!" Kara sent her roommate a cheery smile. "You're back! And early too!"

"Yeah, um, strange things are happening at SVU," Montserrat left it at. She wasn't even sure what Olivia and Fin would get out of talking with Amanda tonight. The woman was, as terrible as it sounded, done. If anything, Montserrat hoped they would at least be able to help Amanda recover.

"But you look better," Kara gestured at Montserrat's appearance. She tossed the rag in her hand to the coffee table. "I'm really glad to see it."

"Everyone says the same thing." Montserrat hated this awkwardness she knew she was responsible for. She'd been so rude to Kara and now...here she was.

Kara seemed to sense the awkwardness judging by the clearing of her throat. "So listen, I haven't had the chance to tell you…" she moved around the coffee table, "I'm having dinner-"

"-with Sonny and your family," Montserrat smiled at how shocked Kara was to learn that she already knew the plans. "Yeah, Sonny told me earlier. He's pretty nervous."

"Montse, I was planning on telling you but you were having a bad day and-"

Montserrat raised a hand to stop Kara. "It's okay, Kara. You didn't have to tell me-"

"-course I did," Kara nodded. "You're my best friend. I tell you everything just like...I hope you do too." Even if she didn't mean it in an accusing tone, she felt guilty for her choice of words. Still, Montserrat let it go because, well, Kara was right. "You're more than welcome to stay for dinner. You're part of my family too."

"It's okay, Kara. I can stay at Casey's," Montserrat shrugged. "But please tell me how nervous Sonny was because then I can tease him the next day."

Kara playfully rolled her eyes. "Glad to see you're definitely back." Montserrat agreed with a nod. "And you know, you could tell me anything...like what was upsetting you? I went on a rampage trying to find the culprit-"

"-I know," Montserrat once again nodded. "And thanks for that."

"I know it's none of my business but I have to ask if it was because of Rafael…?"

Montserrat visibly shifted. "It wasn't, actually. And you know what, while we're on this subject...I'd appreciate if we didn't bring up that topic anymore."

Kara's face softened once she realized Montserrat was planning on moving on. "So then...things are really over?"

Montserrat's eyebrows raised while her expression flickered between resignation and something akin to disheartening. "I guess so." She walked past Kara, letting her bag's strap fall from her shoulders. She tossed it to the couch and started pulling her coat off.

"Montse, I'm so sorry," Kara turned after her friend. "I was so sure you two would get together, I mean...you're kind of the same."

A loud snort left Montserrat's finger as she raised a finger in the air. "I don't know, maybe that's the problem. We're too much alike."

"Still..."

"Kara we're doing that thing I asked not to do anymore," Montserrat shook her head.

"Sorry," Kara dutifully apologized. "But I am sorry things didn't work out."

"Yeah," Montserrat sighed. She looked around the apartment and saw Kara had done quite a good job so far with the cleaning. "You want some help?"

"Um…" Kara bit her lip, "It's not your dinner. Definitely not your boyfriend. You don't have to-"

"-okay, I'll take over the living room and you finish the kitchen," Montserrat grabbed the rag Kara had tossed to the couch. "We'll finish faster if we do it together. Like always."

A grin came to Kara's face. "Like always."

~ 0 ~

Amanda Rollins was a force to be reckoned with. She not only duped con artists and most of SVU, but she finished an ongoing, 2 year undercover job in the span of three days. The only problem was the fact she lied all the way through it, even to her friends.

"What was I supposed to do? I was working undercover!" the blonde detective was having a shouting match with Nick in the bullpen. The others she could argue at a normal volume, but Nick was always more easily irritable. "I couldn't go blabbing it to everyone!"

"You didn't tell anyone," Sonny pointed out only to receive a death glare in return.

"I think what Sonny and the others mean to say is we're a little upset you had to keep it from us," Montserrat spoke up for the first time after hearing the entire story. "Not to say we don't understand why, because of course we understand why. Right, fellas?" she gave each of the men a warning look to just nod their heads.

"Rollins!" Olivia suddenly called from her office. They hadn't had the chance to speak with her since Amanda arrived, but the squad knew that Olivia was informed of Amanda's doings before they did.

Amanda took in a deep breath and turned for the office.

"She is about to get it," Nick muttered as he dropped into his desk.

Montserrat shot him a glare he completely missed. She understood that Amanda had done wrong, she absolutely understood, but now it was up to them to give the proper solution. The fact was Amanda had fallen into this mess because she'd been at an illegal gambling place and yet no one seemed to be paying attention to that detail. Montserrat did. She hoped Olivia did too.

Ten minutes after Amanda had been called into the office, the door re-opened and out came the blonde detective. She had red, glossy eyes she tried to keep hidden as she came to pick up her jacket from her desk.

"Hey Amanda-" Fin tried to talk to her but the woman made a hasty way out.

"That can't be good," Sonny remarked. Nick nodded and looked after Amanda.

Montserrat suddenly got up from her chair and turned for Olivia's office.

"What are you doing?" called Nick.

"Something stupid, probably," she answered on her way. She gave a light knock on the door and poked her head inside. "Liv?"

Olivia was at her desk, staring at some papers but Montserrat knew the woman hadn't been paying attention to them. "Did you need something?"

Montserrat walked in and shut the door. "I, um...Amanda just left?"

"Uh, yeah," Olivia gave a nod. "She's done."

Montserrat blinked as the words processed in her head. "She's...what? Like...done-done?"

"Yes," Olivia nodded again. "She's done here. I'm transferring her. We can spare one."

"Wait a minute," Montserrat hurried up to the desk and sat down. "You can't do that. She needs us."

"What?" Olivia gave the detective a crazed look. "You know what she did-"

"-yes and it's exactly why you can't send her away." Montserrat sighed and scooted her chair closer to the desk. "Amanda's hit rock bottom and instead of sending her away to some precinct that won't care about her...we should help her."

Olivia's mouth opened but nothing came out. She was stunned to hear this very different perspective on the situation. "She lied. A woman was raped-"

"-and do you honestly believe Amanda could have set that up? That she could've gone through with that?" Montserrat was horrified to see Olivia having to even consider it. "Olivia! Amanda has a problem. Please...please don't turn your back on her. You've helped me how many times?"

"That is different," Olivia pointed.

"No, it's not," Montserrat said quietly. "I was undercover too."

"That was your job that you did on legal terms. Amanda was at a gambling casino because she wanted to be!"

"And she regrets that! Olivia, you know that if you send Amanda away it'll only hurt her more. She can spiral without the right support." Montserrat paused for a moment to calm down. She didn't come in to argue. She wanted to make Olivia see her point. "You have helped me countless times and I know you've helped the others too. I think Amanda deserves the same. One more chance."

Olivia opened her mouth again but the words failed her and instead she sighed. She seemed tired...and with good reason. "I...I will think about it."

"Thank you," Montserrat rose from her chair. She walked out of the office and went straight to her desk.

"What did you do in there?" Sonny asked her as soon as she sat down.

"Just talked," the ginger smiled like nothing had happened.

By lunch time, Montserrat was confident Olivia had re-thought the whole transfer process. The Sergeant seemed to be in a better mood that would hopefully stay for when she spoke to Amanda again.

"I'm going out for lunch," Montserrat announced to the rest. "Anyone wanna join?"

"No thanks," Nick answered first, not even looking up from his screen. Fin said the same thing but at least he looked up to shake his head.

"Pass too," Sonny said last.

"Right, you'll be eating light for dinner tonight," she flashed him a smirk while she put her coat on. She grabbed her things and went on her way.

She made it into the elevator and down with ease. It was on her way out of the building that she came into some trouble...or perhaps not trouble just...annoyance.

"Montserrat," called Jonah from the sidewalk.

For a brief moment, Montserrat considered turning around and walking back into the precinct. She could do take out from her desk, after all. But, if she did that, then she wouldn't be able to say a couple things she thought of. "Haven't seen you in a few days," she remarked as she came down the final step of the precinct.

"Yeah, I, um...was giving you some space, to be honest," Jonah put his hands into his coat. "I'm sorry for demanding things from you. I'm just fed up with all this secrecy. First you leave us and then Carroll too? C'mon."

Montserrat's eyebrows knitted together as she tried to decide if this was an apology or the beginning of another demand. While she was stuck listening to Jonah, she missed the familiar figure walking towards the precinct.

Rafael recognized Jonah immediately. A wave of anger hit him first since he knew, in his mind was sure, that Jonah was responsible for Montserrat's recent mood. And then concern washed over. Concern that whatever Jonah said to Montserrat would make her fall back again. He had half a mind to go over there and take her away...but if he did that, Montserrat would surely kill him. But the closer he got, the more he could see her face and it honestly looked like she was going to be killing Jonah instead.

Nothing wrong with that, he thought then realized he actually thought that.

"I'm glad you came back, Jonah," Montserrat said honestly, "Because it gives me the chance to tell you something." Jonah looked expectant of her words so she delivered them without hesitation. "I don't owe you anything," she began and already surprised the man with her choice of words. "You were a great partner and the entire Queens squad was like a family to me, but not everything is what it seems over there. I don't regret leaving it and I definitely don't feel sorry that Carroll retired early."

Jonah was stunned. Very quickly his face turned into outrage and offense. "How can you say that!?"

"Very easily, actually," Montserrat said with a small smile. "Because I know that I am right. You don't know what happened and you never will. But hopefully without Carroll, your squad will be the best it could be."

"Montserrat...where is this coming from?" Jonah looked her over as if he wasn't seeing the same detective anymore.

"From my experience," Montserrat said loud and clear. She stepped closer to him, getting right in his face, "Watch your back."

"Is that a threat?"

"No. Just something else I say from experience," she offered the man a small, polite, smile before stepping away. "Goodbye, Jonah." In that moment, she could not have felt more satisfied with herself.

It seemed like the same applied to Rafael. He knew that smug face anywhere. When Montserrat saw him, her smugness faltered but not by much.

"You seem to be in a good mood," he remarked.

"Am I?" she pretended to be casual but her widened smile betrayed her.

"What did you say to the poor man?" Rafael caught Jonah's figure heading down the opposite street. "Not that I feel sorry for him."

"Just the truth," Montserrat shrugged. "Actually, you kind of inspired me to do it."

"Oh, then I'm definitely not sorry for him."

Montserrat laughed. "Remember that thing you told me way back when I first started working here? No one being entitled to my secrets? You're still right about it."

As curious as he was to know what Montserrat was keeping back, Rafael wouldn't ask her. She seemed better this way and he wasn't going to ruin it. "I'm glad."

"That you're right?" Montserrat chuckled.

"No-"

"-just kidding! So, were you going in?" she made a nod at the precinct behind them.

"Yeah. Were you leaving?"

"For lunch. I'll be back later. Might get something completely barbecued."

Rafael's face scrunched at her. "That's blasphemy. Your tastes are…" he shook his head at her.

"I'll be sure to bring some back for you."

"Don't you dare," he said all too quickly.

Montserrat mirthlessly laughed at him. Oh yeah, she was back. Rafael definitely liked seeing her this way instead...even if it was her laughing at him.

"I'll see you later," he said after it started getting old. He moved around her but only a few steps away, she called him again. He turned sideways just as she walked up to him, looking more serious now.

"Thanks for talking to me the other day," she bit her lower lip as if things were suddenly nerve-wrecking. "For what you said. It was the reason I came back to work." She gently reached for one of his hands.

There was something in Rafael's chest that he couldn't make out. Seeing her open and...soft. Yes, he definitely wanted to hug her. My God are you 17? he berated himself. "I…" he had to clear his throat in order to speak normally, "...I'm glad I could help."

Montserrat leaned forwards and pressed a kiss to his cheek. She pulled away with a smile that widened when she saw his shocked face. "See you later."

"Mhm," was all that came out of his mouth. You are definitely 17. He watched her leave like he was frozen to his spot.

[liliesoftherain]

My Hero Academia Main 3 Boys x Reader

Ch.11 Let’s Get Ready to Rumble!

Ch.1 Ch.2 Ch.3 Ch.4 Ch.5 Ch.6 Ch.7 Ch.8 Ch.9 Ch.10

A/N: I’m sorry I can’t really write battle scenes I SUUCK, but I do have a cute DadJeanist moment that makes me smile cause I wish Jeanist was my dad ;( (jk dad i love you but c’mon you’d want him to be your dad) I hope you enjoy this chapter! Let me know if you’d like to be added to the taglist, or if I missed anyone! 

TAGLIST:  @rizamendoza808 !(: @iris-suoh !(: @quicksilverfangirl​ !(: @shortperson202 !(: @noodlenerd101 !(: @matchamidoriya​ !(: @thorsbtch-captainnoobmaster69me​ !(: @pastel-prynce​ !(: @sunkissedneptune​ @monetfatalia​ !(: @legit-fandom-trash​ !(: @lovethewitchofendor​ !(:

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

The arena was finally cleaned up after a while, as it was left a mess after Todoroki and Sero’s fight. Next up to battle, you watched as Denki took his place followed by the girl from class 1-B. You cheered him on along with the crowds who cheered for another match, but your cheers along with everyone else's were short lived. Denki had let out a large amount of electricity, only to have it blocked by the girl, the vines that made up her hair had grown and trapped him. Even if he wasn’t trapped, the poor boy used too much and had short circuited himself. You heard a laugh come from Jiro behind you, before a voice drowned it out.

“That match was over in what, two seconds?” 

You turned your head to face the person, and to your annoyance it was one person you really didn’t want to see.

“Oh great, it’s you again.” You sighed.

“Oh hello again mutt, I take no surprise in your classmates loss. I knew it was just all talk when everyone said class 1-A was supposed to be so much better than us-” Monama was cut off as he was dragged down from the wall divider that separates the classes, another face taking his place.

“Sorry about him!” She said apologetically before taking her leave. 

No one said anything but you could feel the annoyance, surprisingly, coming off of everyone.

Well, almost everyone.

Izuku was so distracted by talking to himself he didn’t notice the little interruption that had transpired, too busy writing down strategies. You looked at Ochaco as she glanced back at you with a shrug, unsure of what to make of the boy and his antics.

“Uh, maybe you shouldn’t try to plan too far ahead, it’s not good to worry over nothing.” You spoke out softy, trying not to scare him by being too loud.

That didn’t work as well as you thought it would, since he jumped in his seat, turning to you with wide eyes and flushed cheeks.

“Sorry!” He squeaked, “I didn’t realize I was talking out loud.. I just don’t get to see quirks from people outside of our class. This is an amazing opportunity and I want to make sure I can get all the information I can!” 

“Oh? You write everything down, don’t tell me you have info on everyone here too?”

“I do actually! Do you want to see? Here’s yours!” He flipped a couple pages back of the burnt notebook and stretched over the two boys in between you both to hand it off.

You grabbed it and looked at the page gently, you could feel Kirishima hovering over your shoulder to check it out as well. Izuku had a really neat sketch of you in your hero costume drawn out on the left side, taking up the entire page. While on the right side he had a bunch of information on you, including all your stats, strategies if he ever had to go up against you, and even some special moves he thought you could do.

“Wow Deku, should I be scared knowing you have all of this info on me? What, do you have my blood type too?” You teased.

“You drew her curves so good Midoriya! I knew you had it in you.” A nasty voice spoke up and you turned to look at him with annoyance.

“Give it a rest dude, that’s not cool to talk about a woman like that you know? Super unmanly.” Kirishima frowned, unimpressed at how pervy the kid could be.

Mineta just shrugged as you quickly closed the notebook so he wouldn’t stare at your drawing anymore.

“A woman's curves need to be appreciated.”

“Shut the hell up already, you fuckers are distracting!” Bakugou hissed out, shoving Mineta away from him and back to his place in the row behind him. 

He was already annoyed at the way you and Deku were talking so chummy, how you kept brushing shoulders with Kirishima. Because all he wanted to do was watch these losers fight in peace. Not hear your laugh, or worse, hear you praise Deku of all people. Now he had to deal with the little grape shit stain talking about you out loud? Why did all the attention have to be on you? Why were you always brought up around him? Why were you on his mind, especially when he should be thinking about his upcoming battle, even if he knew he was going to win. That smile you were giving him wasn’t helping either, why the hell were you smiling at him like that!? 

He thought back to when you brushed noses and with that thought he turned his head away from you in a hurry, feeling heat creep along his face as he remembered how close you two were. 

You gave him a smile of appreciation, one he outright ignored as he turned away abruptly. So you turned to Kirishima and smiled shyly for the same reason.

“He’s such a pervert, thanks.” You whispered.

“It’s my duty as a man and as a hero to protect the innocent from dangerous leeches.” He winked, speaking as softly as you were.

You giggled and looked back at Izuku who was still giving Mineta a look, you’ve never seen Midoriya glare so hard, it was a little weird. You didn’t like him without a smile on his face, so you grabbed his attention and attempted to put a smile there instead.

“Anyways Izuku, this is really cool. I always knew you were determined but this really takes it to a whole other level.”

It seemed to work, because as soon as he heard your voice a sweet and nervous smile was back on his face.

“Th-thanks!”

Izuku felt the blood rush to his face as he brushed hands with you as you gave him his notebook back. Your hands were so warm and your smile was so kind, he couldn’t help it. He felt annoyance at Mineta for saying those things about you, and it caused him to remember how Shinsou was talking about you like that too. No one had the right to talk about you, or anyone like that. Yeah you were pretty, really pretty, but that doesn’t mean they were allowed to talk about you like you were a piece of meat! 

His eyes widened a tad as he thought back to how he looked at you when you walked out with the other girls in your cheer uniform. Oh God, he did the same thing didn’t he? He was a pervert too wasn’t he! What a vulgar word! He didn’t want to be anything of the sort.

You watched as he shook his head frantically and laughed, not knowing the internal struggle he was going through. 

Your laugh broke him out of his daze and he couldn’t help the dopey grin that spread along his face. What was wrong with him?

“Let’s get ready to watch two new players duke it out! He’s the kid with engines in his legs, Tenya Iida from the Hero Course! Versus a fully equipped gadget dinamo from the support course, Mei Hatsume!”

“So it’s hero vs support huh?” Jirou muttered.

“I have no idea what this fight could look like!” Tsuyu said.

“Uh, what’s up with Iida’s outfit?” Sato questioned.

“Is he wearing gear?” You squinted.

Down below, Iida was putting on the equipment given to him from Hatsume herself. And after some reluctance and asking on iida’s part, Midnight had allowed it.

Even though the speech he made sounded like it was something Hatsume was using to make the playing field fair, she was doing anything but. Iida was being played like a fiddle and you looked on in pity. However, you didn’t stay to watch the end of the match, knowing your turn was up next. It seems Mina was already gone, probably in one of the waiting rooms available for the participants. You got up and went to leave as well, waving to those who wished you luck before making your way to one of the hallways that lead to the entrance. 

You took a deep breath tried to calm your nerves,  someone calling out to you while you did so. Your eyes went wide at the familiar voice and spun on you heel to see them walk up to you.

“Dad?” You grinned, attacking him in a hug.

“Hello sweetheart, you’re doing amazing.” He returned the hug.

“I’m glad you’re here.” You mumbled, enjoying the familiar denim the rubbed on your face from his hero suit.

“So am I sweetheart, it’s been surreal watching you perform out there. Although I am concerned on how reckless you were, is you arm alright?” He pulled away to look and touch your shoulder gently. Trying to analyze it for himself. 

“Yes dad I’m fine. I barely feel it now, and ‘sides, a little pain is nothing for this gal.” You laughed, pointing a thumb to your chest.

“Hm yes, I suppose so. A little setback has never stopped you.” He smoothed your hair down in an attempt to neaten it.

“I was also a little perplexed, to say the least, to see you and that Bakugou boy-”

“AH no!” You cut him off, embarrassment flooding your cheeks, “It was an accident, there’s nothing going on there at all.”

He looked at you with narrowed eyes and a raised eyebrow.

“I swear!”

He only hummed in response, accepting your answer for now. But you knew you definitely weren’t off the hook, the thought making you groan on the inside.

With the silence that stretched in the corridor, you felt your fears creep in once more.

“Dad?” Your voice timid.

“Yes?” 

“I’m.. I’m a bit nervous. What if I don’t win?”

“(y/n), the moments you feel like this is exactly why you remain focused and have an unwavering determination. This will lead you into victory no matter the outcome. Even if you do not happen to win, your victory will be in your perseverance and growth. Let your fear turn into your driving factor, give yourself a reason to fight. There is no reason to doubt yourself, you’ll always make me proud.” The corners of his eyes crinkled, indicating he smiled even if it was hidden behind his costume.

“Thanks dad, you’re right as always. I love you.” You smiled.

“I love you too sweetheart,” The announcement for you to make your way to the arena was heard overhead, “now go and make your mark on the world.”

“Right!” You gave him one last hug before walking away from him, and onto the field. The crowd was a blur, faces unidentifiable from here, but you spotted all your classmates and felt your determination harden. If they could be brave, so would you.

“Let’s jump right along to the fifth match! Is there some reason she has those things sticking out of her head? From class 1-A, Mina Ashido! Versus, our quick-witted miss who definitely has got the skills and potential, also from 1-A, (y/n) Hakamata!”

“I have this in the bag bestie!” An unshaken smile on her face, “sorry to say you’ll be losing!”

“We’ll have to see about that now won't we?” Your own steely grin present.

“Well let’s get started! Let the fifth match, BEGIN!”

You attacked first, sending off a blast off light that she immediately dodged with ease. 

“HA, you’ll have to be quicker than that!” She called out.

She was using her quirk like skates, her acid granting her a slippery path to glide along, making it easier to dodge your long ranged attacks. She had always seen you use long range attacks, and you wanted to use that to your advantage. She probably assumed you weren’t as skilled in close combat, but that’s where her downfall would be.

She rushed at you and you quickly bent the light to wrap around your fists and upper arms, hardening while retaining its heat. You braced yourself as she threw a punch, counter attacking as she pulled her hand back quickly due to what you assumed was the burning. You brought your own arm up and tried to catch her off guard, but she managed to dodge the first swing, but she failed to notice your left jab coming straight after your right hook. 

She cried out as she was thrown back, catching herself before she flew out of bounds.

“Ye-ouch! That’s hot!”

You lunged again but this time she knew better than to let you get close, she skated away from you, keeping her distance. She flung her acid in your direction, but missed. Several times. So you kept up the charade of dodge and attack while trying to figure out why she wasn’t aiming for you. A crack alerted you and that’s when you knew, she was trying to make the whole area fall apart and give you no time to collect yourself, making you fall out of bounds. What a great idea.

Forming a plan, you got to work. Assaulting her with beam after beam from both hands, not giving her time to rest as she had to stay on her toes to make sure she wasn’t hit.You made your way closer to the edge, giving Mina the impression she could trap you there.

“I’ve got you now!” She shouted.

“You sure?” You asked.

She looked confused and you knew it had worked. While she was inching her way closer to you in hopes to knock you off, she failed to notice that now she was standing very close to the area that had been damaged with acid earlier.

You sent a large beam of solid light straight next to her feet, the most unstable part of the arena. She thought she dodged your attack, but instead landed on now crumbling cement with a yelp. You used this distraction to your advantage, crouching low and kicking the air as you did. Solid, yet cooled, light shot out from your outstretched foot. The momentum knocking into Mina’s back and sent her tumbling to the right and face first out of the boundary. 

“Ashido is out of bounds! Hakamata shall move on to the next round!” Midnight announced, the crowd going wild.

“Well you saw it here folks, finally we got our first real action packed battle! Thanks girls!” 

You walked to Mina and extended your hand to help her up, which she gladly took. 

“Well I guess I spoke too soon didn’t I?” She snickered, pulling herself up with your help.

“Maybe just a bit, but you were a worthy opponent nonetheless.”

“Oh you know it!”

You both laughed as you walked off the field together, no hard feelings present. You did feel an overwhelming amount of relief and happiness though, even though you knew there was more battles, you let yourself enjoy this win.

Walking into the long halls you saw the next participant walking towards you both.

“Oh hey Momo!” Mina yelled out with a wave.

“Hello girls, good fight from the both of you! And congratulations Hakamata, I’ll be looking forward to our fight once I win.” Momo smiled.

“Well I’ll look forward to it!” 

“Who are you fighting Momo?” Mina wondered.

“Tokoyami. He has a pretty impressive quirk, so I’m going to have to be cautious and execute a phenomenal plan.”

“Well I have no doubts you’ll do great.”

“Thank you Hakamata-”

“C’mon Momo, call me (y/n)! Don’t worry, I’ll still let you call me it if you beat me. If you can.” You joked.

“Alright, you better be careful what you say (y/n), karma may favor me after your boasting.”

“Me? Boast? Never!”

You all giggled, wishing Momo good luck before parting ways, her heading towards the arena while you two continued your journey to the balcony. Once you arrive, you notice Izuku sitting alone in the front row by himself, so you took a seat directly to his right. As soon as he felt your presence he grinned, eyes wide in wonder and happiness.

“(y/n)! That match was really incredible! Like, the way you were able to maneuver Ashido by the unstable part of the arena without her noticing? It’s such a smart tactic to think of on the spot!”

“Way to rub it in Midoriya!” Mina huffed, crossing her arms with a pout.

“Sorry! You did really well Ashido, I knew this was going to be an amazing match! But (y/n) you’re power is so incredible to see in action! I mean, I already knew that it was and I told you it before when I wanted you on my team earlier, but I just didn’t realize there was so much you could do? Is there a limit on how far you can make the light stretch? Or how hard you can manipulate it? We’ve already seen you use it like bracers or gloves and as beams but like, is there a way to-”

“Shut the hell up shitty nerd! Quit fangirling and rambling like an idiot!” Bakugou rolled his eyes and stood up.

He walked away from the seats, deciding to wait in one of the training rooms to get some peace and quiet before his match. What was Deku’s problem, looking at you like some puppy dog? He acted as if your win was a surprise to him, which was just stupid because he was praising you and your quirk to the tail man before you went on, so what gives? Bakugou knew you were going to win, while raccoon eyes didn’t seem that bad of a fighter, you were the one on his team after all. Which was something that made him smirk, knowing you chose his team over Deku’s. Ha, he knew it. He knew he was better than that loser, and it seemed you knew it too. So why the hell were you always talking to him?

Your eyes followed Bakugou’s form as he stalked off, before turning back to comfort Izuku whose face had gone bright red from being called out.

“Thanks Deku! But, I do have to keep some things a secret you know. Can’t have you knowing all of my tricks now can I?” You winked.

“Uh yeah of course not!” 

“So Midoriya, who do you think is going to win this one? Since your prediction for Hakamata’s match was right?” Oijiro asked as he leaned forward, his arms crossed and on top of the seat to Deku’s left.

As he trailed off answering Oijiro’s questions, you felt yourself blush. He had gotten the last prediction right? Meaning he thought you were going to win, did he have that much faith in you?

“Now lets not let this hot-streak cool! Time to move onto the 6th round! This guy is offense and defense in one, the dark samurai and his darker shadow! From Class 1-A hero course, Fumikage Tokoyami! Versus, the great creator! She was admitted on recommendations and we could see why from the previous matches! It’s Momo Yaoyorozu who is also a Class 1-A student! So let’s get going, 6th match, BEGIN!”

You watched closely, knowing whoever won this was going to be your opponent for your next match. While you had faith in Momo, knowing her quirk was incredible all on its own, Tokoyami was also someone with a powerful quirk.

As if to prove your thoughts, Tokoyami wasted no time by having dark shadow ram into Momo’s shield relentlessly. She could barely react and it was apparent that she was flustered, seeing as she was pushed out of bounds in under thirty seconds.

Your eyebrows drew together while crossing your arms at the fact you would have to go up against him. It was a little troublesome, since you weren’t sure how dark shadow fared in physical attacks. He took a direct hit from on of Bakugou’s explosions, but as far as you could tell there was no damage done while he blocked it.

“Tokoyami is way too powerful!” Deku’s mouth dropped, and all you could do was hum in agreement.

You hoped you could figure out some type of plan to win, you came this far and there was no way you were backing down now.

[iamcayc]

WIP – Goodbyes

Context: I’ve been sporadically working on a fic that mostly indulges my newfound love of Felassan (thank you dear @pikapeppa) and my inability to truly abandon the Solavellan ship 🙃 

It’s also been a way for me to work out the kinks of a novel I’ve been mentally writing for about a decade at this point. The magical concepts/world building blends surprisingly well with the DA universe so I said fuck it and fell D E E P down the fanfiction hole and began writing again (after maybe 12 years of avoidance thanks to my graphic design “career”). 

I’ll eventually get the actual story on AO3, but wanted to dip my toe into the water of this fandom’s fanfiction pool 😇 be gentle! haha.

---

Gentle, loving fingers pulled through the thick blend of waves and coils of dark mahogany as the dawn snuck into the darkened cottage through the windows and copse of trees that surrounded the home. Felassan kept his eyes trained on her face as he willed his fingers to memorize the feel of her hair as it sifted across his skin; a feeling more luxurious than any of the silks found across Elvhenan. An affectionate smile pulled at his mouth as he watched her stir, her nose wrinkling as soon as the morning light kissed her skin and her eyelids slowly fluttering open, meeting his with a haze of sleep still clouding the cognac brown of her eyes.

“Good morning, ma’vunlea,” he murmured with a brush of his lips to her forehead. He felt her softly curved body stretch languidly against his as she continued to struggle into wakefulness. A bitter, taut snap of dread lashed through him as he drank in the sight of her, his arms tightening their hold on her instinctively.

Karys huffed a laugh against his neck. “I continue to stand by my statement that there has never been nor will there ever be a good morning.”

He felt her lips press a kiss against the column of his neck before gently nudging him so she could peer up at him. Despite the soft smile playing on her lips, he saw the sadness dimming the light in her eyes. There were a thousand more things he wanted to share with her; a lifetime of nights falling asleep in each other’s arms only to wake up just as hopelessly tangled as the dawn broke. But all of that was cut short, and Felassan still didn’t quite understand why.

He stroked the high rise of one of her cheekbones, now free of Mythal’s branching vallaslin. His lips quirked as he recalled the nights they spent sipping summer wine in bed while she redrew the vallaslin of each Evanuris into something far more accurate to their sparkling personalities. He never tired of watching her weave spells and wards, or discussing the intricacies of her spellweaving; he especially never tired of watching her resist the urge to roll her eyes when Fen’Harel took it upon himself to explain magic to anyone in their proximity.

“I told you this was going to happen,” Karys said, her lips brushing his sweetly before she slid from the bed. “Have you seen my smalls?”

The violet-eyed mage shook his head with a wry smile as he watched the love of his life amble around the cozy cottage they had built together, hunting for the elusive pair of underwear in nothing but one of his shirts. 

A shirt I will likely never see again, knowing her, he thought with a soft chuckle. He pulled on his pants absently, loosely tying the laces while making his way over to where Karys fussed with her hair in a polished mirror far too ornate for the simple furnishings of their woodland oasis. 

“Would you like to be the one to tell Mythal that the gift she gave us clashes with the decor?” Karys had asked with an arched brow as she hung the mirror just over their shared wash basin. Felassan hadn’t even bothered to reply, knowing that it was a lost cause, no matter how gaudy the craftsmanship was.

His arms snaked their way around her waist, his chin resting on her shoulder as he gazed at her reflection. She smelled like roses on a rainy morning with a hint of citrus and him, an intoxicating fragrance that he willed into his memory. 

Karys lowered her hands, sliding them along his forearms as she leaned back against him. Their eyes met in the mirror, longing plain as day in both of their expressions. 

“It won’t be forever,” she said softly, her grip on his arms tightening with reassurance. “When your task is done, and you’re finally free of him, I can bring you with me. I swear it.”

Felassan pressed a line of kisses along her shoulder, up the column of her neck to her ear. “Just so long as we leave that heinous mirror behind, I’ll follow you anywhere, ma’vunlea.”

Her laughter rang out in the cottage, her head falling back against her shoulder as a testament to the sincerity of her amusement. With a shift in his arms, she turned to wrap her arms loosely around his neck, staring up into his face with adoration, and Felassan’s heart stuttered.

“Fine, we can leave the mirror,” she replied with a playful roll of her eyes. Her expression sobered as she glanced out one of the windows, likely noting the rising sun and the passage of what little time they had left. 

“Does he suspect anything?” Karys asked as her eyes slid back to his. He traced the edges of her ears, recalling his initial fascination with their smaller, more delicate shape when she finally bared her true self to him. There was no small part of Felassan that preened at knowing a wealth of things that Fen’Harel knew nothing about, even if those secrets were very likely to be the death of him if they were ever revealed.

“No, unless Mythal has decided to chase a whim and share your secret with Fen’Harel and destroy everything you’ve worked to achieve by aiding his rebellion,” he replied with a wry smile. Her warm eyes rolled, catching the morning light in the golden facets of her irises. 

“Her sense of self-preservation is strong enough to prevent that from happening, at least for the foreseeable millennia.” She pressed another soft kiss to his lips before stepping away from his embrace and into her leggings. “I checked the wards surrounding this clearing and the cottage yesterday. The Veil will not bring them down, no matter how thoroughly he fucks up his own plot. Should you ever need to flee, or begin your uthenera unexpectedly, you will be safe here.”

He tried not to think about the endless line of questioning that would teeter on unbridled rage from Fen’Harel once it became known that one of his closest allies and one of his best spies vanished “while on a mission for Mythal.” Felassan was not blind to the longing looks his mentor and friend gave Karys when he thought no one was looking, either. Her disappearance would not simply be a tactical setback, but an emotional blow, no matter how dismissive she was about Fen’Harel’s feelings towards her. 

The rustling of a breeze passing through the trees around them filled the comfortable quiet between them as Felassan watched her pull on the leather boots she had hidden away beneath their shared bed. She flexed her foot, rolling her ankle to and fro as though remembering how to wear shoes after decades in footwraps, if anything at all. Satisfied, she rose from the bed and looked around the cottage. He watched her eyes flit from item to item, smiling to himself when her gaze lingered on things that held sentimental value and brusquely moving on when the memories attached were particularly unpleasant.

“Do you remember how to reach me when you’re ready?” she asked as she turned to face him once again. His eyes dropped to her hands, her fingers twisting the laces of his captive shirt absently—the only outward sign of her mounting panic. She’s always terrible at goodbyes.

He ignored her question and moved to his cloak, fishing around one of the hidden pockets for the gift he had commissioned years ago. 

“Close your eyes,” he instructed as he drew his hands behind his back. A grin broke out on his face as her eyes narrowed in suspicion before she obeyed. The gift was a wholly unnecessary gesture; Felassan knew this. But having heard the stories of Karys’s people, their customs, their symbols of a bond between two lovers—he refused to let her continue into this period of separation without some physical reminder that his heart belonged to her, and her alone.

Felassan brushed a stray curl away from her face and tucked it behind her ear before trailing his fingers down her left arm, bringing her hand to his lips.

Kissing her fingers first, he slipped the delicate gold and silver band on her finger. “Open them.”

He could feel her hand tremble slightly in his hold, a knot forming in his stomach as doubts flooded his mind. Was this too presumptuous? Would she even like the design he had given the artisan?

Tears bloomed in her eyes as she looked at her hand, the twisted strands of gold and silver working their way around her finger until they embraced a cluster of amethysts that formed the shape of a nine-pointed star. 

Karys looked at him. “What… what the fuck?”

Felassan blinked in surprise. Then, he laughed before pulling her into his arms and kissing her. Her body melted into his, falling into familiar alignment before she pulled back slightly to frown.

“Felassan, what is this?” she asked him, waving the fingers of her left hand in his face.

“What does it look like to you?” he replied, earning a sharp pinch to his side. He yelped, but maintained his hold on her.

“Do not get smart with me, felasil.” She dropped her forehead against his chest, hiding her face from him. “Why must you make this so much harder than it already is?”

He pressed a kiss to the top of her head before leaning back, holding her face between his hands to lock her gaze with his. His thumbs brushed away the traitorous tears that slipped down her cheeks.

“I know better than to think our lives will follow the plan we have set for ourselves, ma’vunlea,” he said softly. “But I refuse to let you leave my sight without something to remind you of the man who is hopelessly and irrefutably yours, no matter how many centuries it takes before we are reunited.”

“Silver-tongued rogue,” she muttered before catching his lips with her own. Her kiss was laced with equal parts lust and sadness, her hands roaming his chest and back, as if committing every part of him to her memory. 

Not to be outdone, his fingers twisted themselves in her curls as he nipped her lower lip, eliciting a sweet, breathy moan from her before she obediently opened her mouth to him. He grinned against her mouth before teasing her tongue with his as he slowly pushed her back against the wall. His thigh wedged its way between her legs as his lips trailed down her neck to her collarbones, his teeth scraping across her skin lightly as she ground her core against his thigh with enough abandon to fray Felassan’s control. 

“Stay,” he growled against her rosy mouth. “Just one more night.”

Panting, Karys pulled back and pushed against his chest with her hands with a shake of her head. They both knew one more night wouldn’t be enough. It would never be enough. 

He took a grounding step back, running his hands through his raven-black hair with slow, calming breaths. His blood was singing for her, his cock responding in kind. She let her head rest against the wall, her eyes closed as she caught her breath. The position did nothing to calm his need to touch her, but he willed himself still. The longer he delayed the inevitable, the worse it was going to be in the end. Sometimes, the way of the slow arrow wasn’t worth the agony it brought.

With clearer eyes, though still tinged with sadness, Karys pushed off the wall and took up her glaive from its resting spot in the corner, her aura resonating through single-room structure. Felassan nearly purred as he felt her aura tangle with his, the swell of his own magic buoying within. 

She pressed her palm against the wooden door and wordlessly sent a flare of magic against it. Exhaling slowly, she opened the door to reveal a bright, albeit foggy vista that was in no way the forest that surrounded their hidden home. The Crossroads felt, rather than looked familiar to Felassan; gone were the blossoming trees and golden light, but silhouettes of eluvians haunted the mist that crept along a soundless breeze.

Karys turned to him, cupping his cheek with her left hand and brushing her thumb along the lower part of his vallaslin. Nothing but love shone in her eyes as she smiled at him.

“I love you, Felassan.” She kissed him slowly, sweetly. “My heart will always belong to you, never forget that.”

He pressed his forehead to hers. “Ar lath ma, vhen’an’ara. I’ll see you sooner than you think.”

With one last kiss, salty from one or both of their tears, Karys stepped back and through the door. Her eyes never left his as she raised her glaive and let it strike the ground. Brilliant white threads erupted from the edges of the door, snaking their way to the handle and slowly—and eerily—closed the door.

ma’vunlea - my sunlight

[daesungindistress]

This isn't in response to anything in particular, no "new" news, just something that's been building for a while.

For my own mental and physical -- yes, physical -- health, I need to take a few steps back from everything. At least until this controversy re: Daesung is resolved.

After renting for all of my adult life, I just purchased a home for the first time. If I've been a little quiet here the past few days, it's because I've been in the process of packing and moving. There is a lot of work that needs to be done now that I'm finally here, not just around the house itself but with my small business that I've picked up and relocated as well. With this move, I'm essentially restarting my life in a new area and I need to be charged and ready for anything and everything life throws my way.

As a first-time homebuyer, the last month has been stressful; throwing oneself into something totally new usually is. The day I made an offer on the house, we experienced a sudden equipment failure at work and lost months' worth of customers' orders. It wasn't my fault, but I felt responsible nonetheless. That night, desperately needing to decompress, I came home to the realization that something was wrong with my cat. I took her to the vet for bloodwork, fluids, and antibiotics, and spent the next 3 days trying to syringe feed her... but ultimately could only look on, powerless, as she went from not eating or drinking to struggling to swallow, drool dripping from her chin, unable to rest, fighting for every labored breath. On July 1st I made the decision to end her suffering and let her go peacefully.

She was my constant companion. My only pet of the last 10 years and a daily presence in my life for over a decade, by my side through so much change. She slept beside me every night and was there to greet me at the door every evening when I came home. She was such a comfort to me. Every fic I've written for this fandom, she was curled up on my lap throughout it.

Died of cancer, it turns out. I didn't even know she was sick. She seemed fine right up until the day she suddenly wasn't... and it had to be right during a time when I was more financially stretched thin than I've ever been. $1,100 in diagnostic tests later and all I had to show for it was a dead friend and a crippling sense of guilt. I cried for her every day for nearly three weeks straight. Everywhere I looked I saw her still, in all her usual spots around the apartment, staring up at me. She was only 10, almost 11. I thought we would have more years together. More time.

We always fall into that trap, don't we? Thinking we have time.

Meanwhile, things with the house were moving along. The day she was euthanized I had to rush straight from the clinic to the bank to wire my earnest money. Told the banker with a teary laugh not to worry about my red eyes or my sniffling. "I'm not sick or contagious, just had my cat put down." The next day home inspections began and the reports and addendums came pouring in. I was in a state of near-constant communication with my realtor and my lender. I had to tell my loan officer about the vet bills to make sure it wasn't going to be a problem; you're not supposed to incur any large expenses just prior to purchasing a home as you risk the loan being rejected. I won't lie... this was a factor in me letting her go when I did (one of many). I couldn't afford to keep treating her. It wasn't until later, post mortem, that I got confirmation that it was cancer, and with it, a measure of closure.

I was finally working through it, or past it, no tears for almost a week when this bomb with Daesung dropped. Woke up to the worst ask: "What do you think of Daesung's new scandal?" In the 5 days that followed I was anxiety personified. I was back to crying incessantly. I'd get chills every time the thought of what was happening crossed my mind. Waking up every morning sweating and shaking. I was weak and hungry but couldn't bear the thought of eating. Choking down a slice of cheese seemed impossible; I had to take my nausea meds that I save for migraines just to keep it from coming back up. I thought, 'What the hell is going on? I'm not like this, this isn't me!'

One night I noticed some clothes were looser than usual and had the thought to weigh myself. I was shocked to find that I had lost around 17 lbs -- almost 13% of my body weight. I haven't weighed this little since high school. I have no idea how long it had been declining as my weight has always been steady enough that I don't need to check it regularly. Of course, I then began worrying about potential health issues besides "just" grief and stress. My cat seemed fine until she wasn't, I had no idea about the tumor in her lung until it was the end... could it be...?

Then I closed on the home on Monday, despite a few last-minute, headache-inducing setbacks that I won't go into here.

Over the last few days I have been so busy and so focused on the task at hand -- moving out and moving in -- that I've finally gotten my appetite back, and with it some of the weight, so that's one less thing to worry about, along with the homebuying process and the move itself. It helps that my parents are visiting so I'm not totally alone with my thoughts. I'm not thinking about the loss of my cat as often either, though the memory of her final days still moves me to tears here and there.

That leaves this ordeal with Daesung.

I'm handling it a lot better now than I was near the start, but I still feel a stab of fear every time I think of him. Fear for him. Every. Damn. Time.

More than anything, I want him to come out of this okay. I want to believe everything will be okay in the end. But I can't keep scaring and stressing myself sick over him, literally, at a time when I need to be strong for the sake of my own future. I've stopped challenging opinions on reddit, asianjunkie, etc. I've stopped checking entirely. It accomplishes nothing and I always end up at the bottom of a dogpile anyway, fending off opponents on all sides. Let's face it, fighting with strangers on the internet will have no tangible effect on the outcome of this. All it's doing is dragging me under.

And if I know one thing, it's that Daesung would not want that. "A singer who brings people happiness." That is what he aims to be, that is what he successfully became after clawing his way back from the events of 2011. "Let me protect your happiness," he sings, and says, on the regular.

But this is a far cry from happiness. This is anxiety and dread seemingly without end, fearing the worst, trying not to dwell on it yet trying to prepare for it. It's the exact opposite of everything he's ever wanted. And it would torment him to know how those who love him and want the best for him are hurting because of him.

So it's time to get some distance. I'll still be around, just less than usual, maybe. And to those of you who've been sending me asks, I appreciate them all, even if some of them don't get a reply.

That being said... I stand with Daesung. And I stand strong. I'm not swallowing this nonsense the Korean media is going all out to force down our throats. I believe in Daesung, and when this has passed, I will still be here for him, happy -- no, overjoyed to welcome him back. He is still a member of Big Bang and I expect the others -- Jiyong, Youngbae, Seunghyun -- will stand by him too when the time is right.

And if he leaves? Just to get it out of the way, I don't believe he will, because if he does that's it, Big Bang is officially over. But let's just say he does, hypothetically. If, after this, he decides to give Korea the middle finger and focus his efforts in Japan instead? I'll be here, on this same blog, still cheering him on in his solo career.

As for the fans who've lost their trust and turned their backs on him, fine, whatever. I'm used to the fandom ignoring him, overlooking him, seeing him as little more than a big voice and a bright smile. People like to say Seungri was the "least popular", but outside of Japan, that honor goes to Daesung. Especially in the English-speaking side of the fandom. Don't believe me, go scroll through English Big Bang fanfic and let me know how many feature him. Or should I say how few. I've tried to keep quiet about it, tried not to complain. Do you know how vanishingly rare active Daesung blogs have been in my 3+ years here? Since the beginning I've been over here in my little corner of the internet, surviving on scraps, so in a way, this is nothing new. Drop him if you want to -- and don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.

I've never needed anyone's approval or agreement to be fond of him. I came to like him on my own, without anyone's persuasion, and if that changes it won't be because of anything his newest critics have to say. The lack of support for him in this difficult time saddens me, but it won't stop me. And I sincerely hope that, for the sake of this entire fandom, it won't stop him either.

Stay strong, Daesung. I will try to do the same.

[veneataur]

Whumptober day 16

Prompt: bedridden

Fandom: Salvation

Title: Setbacks

A/N: Again, a very late whumptober story, but it’s here. The stories are all complete, I just have to remember to post them. Anyway, this takes place after the series finale. Darius is still feeling the effects of the torture and coma.

They find him sitting in the shower, back against the wall, cold water spraying down relentlessly. The one saving grace of the whole thing is that he managed to pull his legs up, wrapping his arms around them and locking his hands together so he could conserve some warmth. With his head down, forehead against his knees, he doesn’t see them come in. It’s only their shocked cries and the water shutting off that finally tells him they’re there.

“I’ve got a towel here, Liam. Get him out of there,” Grace says. Normally he likes her voice, but he doesn’t like it when she’s worried. She shouldn’t have to worry, especially about him. He’d just come to take a shower after three days in bed with aches and pains and a fever. Judging by the shaking and new aches to accompany the old ones, he hadn’t really helped himself in that department. And the exhaustion is worse. The last of his strength was spend in locking his hands together, the ones that Liam so easily undoes as he lifts him from the shower. When was Liam so strong?

“We’re going to need some warm towels,” Liam says. “He’s so cold and shaking. How long do you think he was in there?”

“Long enough. Ask Alycia to find him some warm clothes. Maybe he’s got a heating pad or an electric blanket, too. He’s going to get worse if we don’t get him warm quickly.”

Liam disappears from his eyesight quickly.

“That was a stupid move, Darius. Going to shower without telling anyone of us. You’re not supposed to even be out of bed yet. Are you in there, Darius,” she adds after a pause.

“H… h… here,” Darius says. Somewhere Grace has found a second towel, replacing the wet one around his shoulders with it, pulling it tight in front of him. He’s sitting on the floor, on the bath mat, leaning against the glass doors of the shower. Grace is off to his side, looking worried.

“Good to know.” Grace gives him a small smile.

“Here’s some clothes,” Liam says. “Alycia found an electric blanket and some extra blankets with TESS’ help.”

“You want me to leave while Liam helps you get dressed,” Grace asks.

Darius shakes head. “Y… you’re fine.”

“Alright, let’s get him dressed and back in that bed he wasn’t supposed to get out of.”

It really shouldn’t take two people to get him dressed, Darius thinks. He shouldn’t even need help at all. He’d gotten dressed on his own back at the hospital. Though Grace might’ve tried to help him if she wasn’t busy asking the doctor about his condition and he might’ve also been half dressed there, so maybe that’s not the best example. He doesn’t fight them though. He doesn’t have the energy to, even if he wanted to. He’s not stupid like he knows they think he is. He knows that he needs their help although he doesn’t want it, he doesn’t want to be any more of a burden on them than he’s already been. That’s something he’s not used to doing, being a burden.

Liam and Grace work quickly to get him dressed in sweatpants, a t-shirt, hoodie, and socks. By then, he’s standing, though he’s still feeling chilled and unsteady.

“Think you can make it to bed on your own,” Liam asks. “Alycia’s got an electric blanket waiting for you.”

“Probably.” Darius’ first step, however, falters slightly. Liam quickly moves to steady him. “Thanks.” Darius’ voice is tired.

“No problem,” Liam says. “Let’s get you settled in bed so you can get back to resting.”

Darius nods. He knows that the two started as mentor and mentee and quickly turned to friends, but he feels like an old man now. Just to walk the few yards to his bed, he needs help to steady him and halfway there, he contemplates stopping to rest. If Liam picks up on any of his frustrations, he doesn’t say anything. No, he patiently helps Darius to his bed, pulling the covers up once he’s in while Alycia lays the electric blanket over top. They’re all patient with him. Even Grace, in all of her irritation over his shower escapade, didn’t get mad. She was just patiently irritated, even though he didn’t realize that was possible.

Before he has a chance to think about speaking, there’s a thermometer in his mouth. He doesn’t quite see the need considering he’s more cold than hot, but he doesn’t have the energy to say anything about it. With a few pillows propping his head and chest up, he finds himself comfortable, if still cold.

“101 even,” Grace announces once the thermometer beeps. “You’re back on bed rest and no work.” She pauses for a moment to look at Darius. He gave into everything far too easily. Just a few days ago he was running around in a manic-like state trying to save the planet in the last hours. The days that followed, though he spent a lot of it sleeping or in pain. They’ve kept the room dark and quiet to help the nearly constant headaches Darius has been dealing with. His doctor said they’d start to taper off with rest and time, but it could be a few weeks before he really started to feel better. Part of it was the exhaustion, but the greater part from the torture.

Right now, she can see the headache coming back, worsen by the exertion and fever. Soon, probably in a few minutes, they’ll have to leave him to rest.

“What were you thinking, Darius,” she asks, trying to keep the irritation out of her voice. It won’t help at the moment.

“I wanted a shower.”

“Okay, that’s understandable, but why didn’t you come get one of us. Liam’s here. He could’ve helped you and Harris would’ve been here later today.”

“I… I just wanted to take care of it myself.”

“You’re not strong enough yet to do that.”

“Yes, of course. I think I’m going to get some rest now.” Darius turns onto his side, burrowing down a little into the blanket. It’s become his customary position lately to combat the lingering light in the room. He hears Grace’s huff of irritation. She hasn’t left yet, which doesn’t surprise him. He knows that she wants more of an answer, but he’s not giving it to her. The anger he feels is irrational and it shouldn’t be directed at her, at them. They’re only helping him.

At some point in his stewing, he falls asleep, waking slowly with a familiar grogginess of fever and a headache. Together, they’ve erased any feeling of freshness he got from his trip to the shower. With a frustrated sigh, he rolls onto his back, slowly though as there’s still an ache on the side of his head and igniting it is the last thing he wants.

“It’s evening.” Darius jumps at the voice, wincing as his headache spikes. He tries to steady his breathing as he works through the sharp stabbing in his head. He hears Harris apologize next to him. None of it matters though as the pounding won’t settle and now there’s an unease in his stomach. He usually has a strong stomach, but this exhaustion and torture have made it weak. Someone, Harris probably, gets him sitting up as he dry heaves, leaning over a bucket, just in case he happens to bring up anything. He hasn’t eaten since morning, so there shouldn’t be anything.

When the heaving has eased, even though his stomach is still unsettled, Harris eases him back. He groans at the pain the movement causes. It doesn’t sound like it comes from him, sounding distant and miserable. It’s only later, a half-hour later he supposes, that he feels the effects of the shot of painkillers Harris must have given him. It’s a preset syringe prescribed by his doctor.

“Better now,” Harris asks.

“Yes, thanks.” The pain is still there, but it lingers on the edge, a faint reminder of the last half hour or more. The whole affair has exhausted him even more than he thinks possible, but that’s routine lately. The ache is always present, but sometimes there are terrible attacks that leave him unable to function, to think. The painkillers are the only relief, which he hates. Harris lets the silence between them grow, for which Darius is glad. He’s still sorting himself out, getting control back and calming down.

“I sent the others out for a while. They’ve been here almost non-stop, especially Alycia and Liam,” Harris says.

Darius nods, risking opening his eyes to look over at Harris, who looks like he’s just come over from work. He’s still wearing his dress shirt, but he’s ditched the tie. Exhaustion is clear on his face as well with dark circles beginning to form under his eyes.

“I’m supposed to check your temperature once you wake up. There’s some worry that you’ve set your recovery back.”

“Here to play warden then,” Darius says.

“No. I’m not playing warden. I’m giving you some breathing space.”

“I… I didn’t mean….”

“I know. I thought they would’ve known better and expected you to do something like that.”

“I should’ve said something. It wasn’t fair to them.”

“Yes, you should’ve, but that’s not you. You have friends now, Darius. People who care about you, not what you can do. You need to let us help you instead of doing things on your own. We want to help, but we can’t if you don’t let us.”

“I know. I am trying, it’s just not that easy.”

“I don’t expect it to be, but you have to start really trying. Your doctor told us that if you don’t take the time to rest and recover from this, it will leave you with permanent effects. That very likely means headaches and chronic exhaustion. You’re going to have to be patient and rely on your friends to get through this.”

“I’ll try. I promise, but can you ask them to tone things down?”

“We’ll talk with them when they come back,” Harris says. “How’s the headache and nausea now?”

“Better. The nausea’s settling and the headache’s in the background for now.”

“Good. Are you up for a shower?”

“Really?”

“I was thinking now’s the best time with the painkiller in you and you really didn’t get to finish your shower this morning.”

A shower sounded really good in the aftermath of his headache, but that involved a lot of moving.

“We’ll take it slow,” Harris says, reading the hesitancy in Darius’ eyes.

“Sounds good.”

[ladyvialana]

Voltron On Ice!!! or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Season 4

So, unlike last season, this season I’m going a bit more in depth with my reaction. And a lot more meta. (A bit like the show, I guess.) There will be two posts to this review/analysis: this post, which is a more general reaction/analysis regarding particular things; and the second post, which will delve into the characters from team Voltron and how this season has affected/developed them.

There will be three parts to this post: a general look at the structure of season 4 in relation to the whole series, discussion about Lotor (and the other main antagonists) and a more analytical look at episode 4, since I actually really liked it and everyone else seems to hate it.

TL;DR: I really liked this season and think we are in for a fantastic ride with the rest of the show. It is kind of all action, little progress this season, but there is still quite important plot and character development and also great insight into world building.

Let’s dig in!

(Fair warning, this is actually quite long for a discussion post (2k words!). And there are no images to break it up. Sorry!)

First up, let me get the whole reaction to the seasonal structure out of the way.

This season, much like season 3, works on its own as a whole. But there is merit to the argument that they should have been released together. For season 1 and 2, structurally, we seemed to have more character/lighthearted episodes in the first half of the season and the back half of the season was faster and more plot-heavy. Structurally, season 3 mimics that character-heavy beginning of a “full” season and season 4 mimics the plot-heavy “back end”. This definitely plays havoc on the pacing of both seasons. However, unlike the earlier seasons, there are two distinct plot arcs which separate the seasons and also a major time gap that separates them (during which some plot and character development happens which I will mention in the second post). Also, in terms of overall focus, they are actually quite distinct. So, while there probably was some fiddling up at a higher level coming into play with the releasing of the episode like this, I still think it works.

Getting into more of a discussion about the focus/driving force of each season, Season 1 was an introductory/training season where we got to know the characters and see them develop their skills and bond with each other so they could challenge the big boss at the end. The overarching goal of the season was to get to Zarkon and fight (and lose, and learn from that loss to come back stronger). Season 2 was about muddying the waters a bit and introducing new elements/allies - it’s sowing the seeds for the rebellion/alliance. It was building up a stronger force to come back to fight the big boss again and actually win this time because the team had learned and knew what they were doing now and had support. Season 3, in a way, mirrored season 1 in that the team was unsettled after a major change to the status quo and they had new members and new positions and new responsibilities. It was about them coming together to form a new team and taking on a new boss (and losing again, sort of; they definitely didn’t win) and learning more about each other and themselves in the process. Season 4 mimics season 2 in that they have to build up their alliance and strengths again, but unlike season 2 (in the same way that season 3 doesn’t completely mirror season 1) the destabilisation of the team that happened at the beginning of the season was not fixed and, as a result, they almost lost completely to the big boss of the season (survived only due to an outside force - kind of like Thace’s intervention in season 1, but far more sinister in implication).

Season 1 was about coming together and learning. Season 2 was about building strength and understanding. Season 3 was about rebuilding and moving forward.

Season 4 was all about deconstruction and expansion. Unlike other seasons, season 4 was not always positive or progressive and, narratively, that’s not a bad thing. In fact it’s very much needed, especially in a show like this. Our heroes need to be challenged and need to fail at times so they can come back stronger. Season 4 was actually quite dark in some ways and, despite it being very plot-driven, had some fantastic character developments which I will talk about below and more in my second post.

Okay! Next: let’s talk bad guys!

I enjoyed Lotor a lot more this season. I think in season 3, he managed to get everything he wanted far too easily. But this season was all about him hitting stumbling blocks and finding ways to get back up after being knocked from his path. I think that determination to succeed at his goals whatever the cost was actually shown properly and seeing him forced to react and think on his feet (and his utter ruthlessness in his actions) was brilliant. I’m really intrigued where they’re going to go with him from after the end of the season and how team Voltron will react to him and his offer of “discussion”.

Just as a further point though, I do not believe Lotor is getting a redemption arc (or, at the very least, this is not the start of a potential redemption arc). Just because he might be more sympathetic to the audience does not mean he will be redeemed. He is not joining team Voltron for altruistic reasons, nor is it some aim at self-improvement or a desire to change. He didn’t see the actions of his side as horrendous or too much for him to handle, he just saw an opportunity to get back at Haggar and maybe get some (disposable) allies on side at least temporarily while he gets back up from the fall from his/the generals’ actions and get some distance between him and Zarkon. The middle of camp Voltron is probably the safest place for him given he is now enemy number 1 in the Galra Empire (and if he can convince a few gullible people to sacrifice themselves/turn to team Lotor for his sake, then all the better for his end goal). Lotor had a setback but he is conniving and holds his own self-interest above all else. If helping team Voltron helps him then he’ll do it for as long as it serves his purpose; if he helps them in spite of his own self-interest, only then will it be the first step. But, as at the end of season 4, there is (barely) a potential opportunity for that first step towards redemption (or an opportunity for Lotor to kill everyone in their sleep and steal away with the castle and the lions - whatever gets him what he wants). I just don’t see it happening and think it would be a waste of a rather effective and three-dimensional villain.

Honestly, and very unexpectedly, the one I’m rooting for to get a (semi-)redemption arc is Haggar. Though, redemption may be the wrong word for it. That scene at the beginning of episode 3 where she’s looking at Honerva’s face was haunting and I feel a great foreboding in regards to her overall character arc/endgame. She definitely is the one holding way more cards than anyone else regarding the corruption of quintessence and I genuinely believe that she will be key to the final endgame climax regarding dealing with that major plot point. She’s important - way more important than Zarkon and even Lotor - to the final showdown and overarching plot.

Zarkon is still kind of one-note, though (but it’s a very menacing note) and I’m interested to see how far this further “de-humanisation” (for lack of a better word) is going to affect his existence and goals. How much of the Zarkon we saw in flashback is even still in this being?

I’m not sure how to take the actions of Lotor’s (former) generals. As with Lotor, it’s interesting to see them showing fear and weakness as well as solidarity in the face of what seems like their leader’s insanity. But surely they had to know the kind of person Lotor was when they joined up with him. Maybe they did romanticise him too much (Acxa certainly did) so I really want to see how they’re dealing with, essentially, all of their hopes and futures destroyed. (I mean, good decision making on their part to not stay with the guy who might turn on them at any point without warning. At least their survival instincts are intact if nothing else.)

Finally on this post, a look at a particularly hated aspect of the season (that I actually liked).

Now, I didn’t want to delve into the episodes individually too much given that I was really looking to analyse the season as a whole through the characters in my second post, but I did want to have a brief (ha!) discussion about episode 4 just to finish off this first general post.

Just as a quick note: I am not trying to present anyone’s thoughts/opinions/feelings about this episode as invalid. I’m just presenting my personal thoughts on the episode and explaining why I actually like it. You are under no obligation to agree with my reading of the text; I do understand and sympathise with why people don’t like this episode.

So, in saying that: unlike basically everyone else in the fandom, I genuinely loved this episode. I thought it was funny and entertaining and it was also one of the most uncomfortable episodes of the series so far. It is fantastic metatextual presentation of the show’s interaction with both the execs/TPTB and the more inflexible and outspoken fans. It’s about breaking expectations through self-parody while also presenting a really powerful message about the power of propaganda. You are meant to feel uncomfortable about this episode; it’s designed to make you think critically about the show and how you watch/interact with it. For all that, it’s surprisingly less judgemental than I’d expected (given how I’ve seen this play out in other shows/fandoms before) and presents more of a criticism of the actual construction/distribution of the show than the reception/fandom. In some ways it’s a lighthearted joke at itself and the various criticisms of the show (Hunk being portrayed as a joke was meant to be uncomfortable - the distillation of the characters down to one-note ideas is meant to be a commentary on marketing and mass-production and the way the execs push certain agendas despite good and effective storytelling *cough*Shiro’s early return and toy sales*cough*).

This episode as a whole is meant to leave a sour taste in your mouth - the propaganda (critical reception/fan interaction) worked; Coran doing drugs to ensure the show/war effort’s success was ultimately given a retroactive pass given that the end (disturbingly) seemed to justify the means; they didn’t even really defeat the monster, just kicked it away to not even deal with later. Everyone (aside from Lance maybe) was exhausted by the whole situation but did it just to get the numbers they needed for the rebellion and it worked. Rising body count  in this season aside, this episode really pushed home that they are fighting a war and they will use every weapon in their arsenal to win. War is just as much manipulation of news and images and facts as it is killing people. Coran’s story (the Legend of Voltron) is what people will remember, not the actual facts. This is the truth of their rebellion now and they’re going to have to live with this presentation of their struggle in the future no matter how (seemingly) benign the exaggeration. The episode’s overly humorous (almost frenetic) tone strikes a completely discordant note with the rest of the (actually quite dark and serious) season. The contrast between the laser shows/ice skating/Lance’s aerial acrobatics and the fact that we saw actual on screen deaths throughout the season and witnessed Voltron being particularly brutal while fighting in the season finale just makes it all the more striking. The deaths and seriousness hold more weight because of this contrast but the laughter is also far brighter in turn. Because, despite the fact that (as we are very aware) propaganda can be used for terrible purposes, this episode proves that Voltron is the greatest symbol for hope for the universe and has been sorely needed.

Now, I’m not trying to present this episode as perfect or argue that you have to like it. This episode is disliked by many people for many reasons and everyone’s feelings about it are valid. I just wanted to present an alternate viewpoint. You don’t have to agree with me or take anything I’ve said as gospel truth. Even if you read this and think I have a point but you still don’t like the episode: thank you for at least reading this far.

So, these are just a few things that I wanted to discuss before getting to the character stuff in my next post I really wanted to delve into after season 4. I hope people enjoyed reading it (even if you disagree with everything I said). Feel free to message me/reblog/comment if you like. (I’m a little unsure how to end this - I tend not to start discussions; usually I’m just sliding over some fic and then scuttling back to my hiding place.)

See you in the next post!

[xadoheandterra]

Title: Don’t Write Me A Postscript Chapter: VII (I / II / III / IV / V / VI / VIII / IX / X / XI / XII / XIII) Fandom: Red vs Blue Characters: Church | Alpha, David Church | Agent Washington | Recovery One, Micheal Caboose | Agent California | Micheal-210, Captain Weathers Summary: He was all sorts fucked up and didn’t want to admit it. Being alone for fourteen months didn’t help matters--except, well, Church was tired of being alone. Tired of people leaving and dying--and he thought, no more. I’m done. I’m out.

Won’t Say You’re Sorry (I / II / III)

Do You Even Feel Compassion? (I / II)

Caboose unwrapped himself from around Church and carefully laid his best friend down. He looked over to Agent Washingtub who snoozed against the wall he’d settled down into and smiled. Everyone needed a rest, and it was a good thing Caboose convinced them to rest for a little while. Now though they’d rested enough—Caboose could remember that Washingchurch felt their travel plans were important. Caboose looked forward to those travel plans. Perhaps he could make new friends?

At any rate first things first was off to gather up his and Church’s armor. Caboose ambled through the safe places of the not-quite-home Church built up—home was still Blood Gulch as they’d not quite found a new-home to build into, although they really should now that Caboose thought about it—and once he’d arrived at the armor cleaning place Caboose pulled out the pieces one by one. He hummed to himself as he put on the power suit, everything in it’s proper place because Church needed sleep and therefore Church didn’t need to help Caboose.

Once Caboose was dressed, and he admired how brightly blue his armor looked with a pleased hum, he piled up Church’s armor and began the precarious process of bringing it to Church’s room. Caboose couldn’t quite see over the pieces that he carried, balance a little off but still manageable, but he had a perfect memory for things like this. Without incident Caboose returned to Church’s room and set the armor down on the edge of the bed.

Humming a song that Caboose could barely remember—something from before, long ago, when he lived on the farm with his sisters and brother and mom—he began to pull the armor onto Church. His bestest friend needed the sleep. Until he didn’t need it anymore Caboose could easily take care of things like dressing Church, carrying Church, and making sure Church’s newest body remained functional. Caboose liked this new body. It was much more Church than the one he killed was.

From his peripheral Caboose noted that Churchwash began to wake up. While he’d prefer Agent to sleep more, Caboose couldn’t find it in himself to be that quiet. So for now he ignored the older man and pieced together Church’s armor with pleasure. Once everything, including the nice helmet that was not-better-on-a-top-ten-list Caboose stepped back. He nodded to himself, happy with his work, and started out of the room again.

“Where are you going?” Agent Wash questioned, voice still a little blurred with sleep.

“Church has stuff,” Caboose said plainly. “He will be mad if we left without it.” Without waiting for Washchurch to reply Caboose left the room. He knew exactly where Church liked to keep his things, and easily found the room where Church pretended his stuff didn’t exist. Caboose ignored Agent as he followed.

Church wouldn’t mind this one seeing his super-secret room, Caboose just knew that. Just like he knew that Church was really his bestest friend in the whole world even if Church said mean things. It was how Church showed he cared, Caboose knew that. With a pleased hum Caboose piled in the things Church would want into a crate that he could easily affix to his back to carry. The letters that were settled onto a bench, things that Church would insist were for Caboose but were really for Church to care for Caboose—like the breathing tanks and the foul-tasting medicines that helped things feel a little right for a little while—and then the map and the few small pictures that Church coveted. Once he had everything Caboose meandered out of the secret room and back to Church’s room.

Carefully, because Caboose didn’t want to wake Church up, not yet, Caboose cradled Church into his arms and turned around to view Agent Washingtub who stared at him, helmet still missing, and mouth agape. After a second of just looking at one another—were they having a staring contest? Caboose was great at those—Washington seemed to shake himself out of whatever it was that he was doing. Caboose lamented the end of the staring contest for half-a-second.

“Shouldn’t we wake him?” Washingchurch questioned as he pulled on his helmet.

“No,” Caboose said, and that was that. He waited, patiently, for the other man to sigh and lead them out of the not-really-home base. They had places to be after all, and it’d take a while to travel there. It took about a month to get from Rhodam and Blood Gulch to Valricht and Rats Nest after all, and if Caboose were right then they were going back to Rhodam and Blood Gulch.

Caboose looked forward to it. Perhaps they’d finally find a new home to settle into, and Church could go back to being happy and surrounded by people like he wanted. Caboose wanted that too.

Church didn’t wake up for the first two days leg of their journey and it left Agent Washington concerned. He tried to bring those concerns up to Caboose who deftly rebuffed him and continued to cradle and take care of the unconscious sim trooper. Wash was left to flounder along, worried about the nature of the slumbering man, and worried about Caboose’s mentality since finding him. On the third day, before they finally arrived at Rats Nest and their ride off the planet, Church finally did wake up.

At first Church sounded loudly upset about Caboose holding him, but Washington notice how he didn’t actually fight Caboose off for the next hour. Then Church seemed to explode into motion and flailed to the ground with curses and yells that at first were completely half-hearted. When he bounced back up it was to read Caboose the riot act for letting him sleep so long. Honestly Washington found the pair more amusing than anything. Despite the setback the outburst caused Wash found himself for the rest of the way to Rats Nest with a smile on his face.

Once they reached the entrance into the underground base Church seemed to pause and stare for long enough that Washington turned around.

“Where are we going?” Church questioned. Not once since he woke up did the other man even ask that, and Wash was rather surprised. It seemed entirely against Church’s nature to be so easy going with where Washington lead them.

“To Outpost 17,” Wash said. He watched the way Church stiffened, and how Caboose settled a hand on the slighter man’s shoulder.

“You found Tex’s ship,” Church said softly.

“We haven’t been able to confirm that yet,” Agent Washington said as gently as he could. “UNSC has the site on lockdown.” Washington paused, and then said, “We think there might have been an incident with the Omega AI.”

“And the UNSC isn’t handing it over to Freelancer?” Church questioned. Caboose’s hand on Church’s shoulder turned into a hug that the man barely noticed. “If it’s suspected Freelancer bullshit then why—”

Washington grimaced. “Project Freelancer is…not in the UNSC’s good graces right now. Too many questions, not enough answers.”

Church let out a hiss and leaned against Caboose’s chest.

“Valhalla is back on Rhodam,” Church said bitterly. “That’s about a months fucking ship flight from here. Who is to say that the site won’t be cleaned up by then?”

Washington crossed his arms and shook his head. “Technically the site is in jurisdictional limbo right now. Freelancer’s control over any of it’s assets has yet to be officially revoked. However, by that same token the UNSC does not want to release Freelancer property in case the investigation into the project turns out to be…damning.”

Church ducked his head and mumbled, “And that could take months, years….”

“Exactly,” Washington nodded. “The hope is that the UNSC will grant us access to the site thanks to your previous frequent interaction with the Omega AI. You two will be integral in determining if we do have an incident like what happened at Blood Gulch to contend with or not.”

“And you get the chance to recover some shiny Freelancer tech right under the UNSC’s nose,” Church retorted dryly.

“I will admit the thought had crossed my mind,” Washington agreed lightly. “Come on, our pelican should be waiting for us at the Rats Nest landing pad.” Washington started moving again, stepped into the lighting of the manmade tunnel.

Church and Caboose did not follow. Instead Caboose stood at the entrance; he shifted from foot to foot and fiddled with his hands in a nervous habit that Church hadn’t seen in quite some time. Church frowned from beneath his helmet.

“Caboose?” he said, and Agent Washington stopped.

“Er,” Caboose shuffled. “Maybe, uhm, maybe Church and I should wait here. For the birdie. And Agent Washingtub. And not enter into the base. That is a good idea.”

“The planet’s gravitational pull means that there are only a few specified spots where a pelican can safely enter the atmosphere and land,” Washington pointed out. “Rats Nest has a safe tunnel, and unfortunately no escape into the atmosphere beyond that tunnel.”

Church crossed his arms. “Alright, what’s the big deal then? Why do you not want to go into the base.”

Caboose hemmed and hawed for a moment. “Maybe, uh, maybe it is not a good idea. For me to be seen in the base. Or seen by the Captain. Or seen at all. Maybe that is not such a good idea.”

Church slapped a hand to his visor and groaned. “What did you do.”

Caboose shuffled. “There might be a few times where. Ah, where someone has died. The Captain wasn’t too…pleased with that.”

Washington utterly stilled. He’d forgotten about that. Shit. Exhaustedly he runs a hand across his visor and tried to think of a way around this. The Captain wouldn’t have to deal with Caboose for long, after all, maybe he could swing it as just passing through since they were? Their pelican should arrive soon anyway.

Caboose continued into Church’s silence and Washington’s contemplation, “And maybe they uh, with the upset and the broken cars and tanks and no Shiela’s, ah, maybe they put me in a time out box. And took my gun. And tied me up. For a few days.”

“Did they really,” Church said, and his voice has gone that ice, calm sort of cold that made Caboose hunch his shoulders.

“Yes,” Caboose said, and Washington paled beneath his armor at the implications. “That is, that is a thing that happened, yes.”

“Well then,” Church responded. He turned to face Wash who swallowed heavily. Something about the cold, calm demeanor made Wash nervous. “I think we best get inside Rats Nest and get off this godforsaken planet soon.”

Washington swallowed. “That’s a great idea, Private,” he said. He kept his tone even, tried not to let his anxiety show. Caboose shuffled and slumped down and followed after the group dejectedly as Wash started to lead them back into Rats Nest.

“And while we wait,” Church said, and his voice took an almost sinister tone, “I think I’ll speak with this Captain.”

Washington wanted to cry. This did not bode well at all.

Everything went out of control in fairly short order. Church vibrated with an intense fury he hadn’t felt in a long time; a slow burning flame that twisted through his non-existent gut in ways far different from the quickfire temper he usually had. As soon as they stepped into the base proper and were greeted with the first sentry—a young man who let out a terrified yelp and said something about a demon—that slow burning flame ignited into a roaring bonfire.

(how dare they)

Church seethed. He cold-cocked the bastard who insulted Caboose and shot him point blank into the foot. Agent Washington jerked forward with a shout, and then looked to Caboose who shuffled nervously, but Church already moved into the base. He ignored the fools screams and stormed past the entrance.

(how dare they)

At the yell of the Blue sentry the entire base seemed to gather in the garage, surrounded by broken and still aflame vehicles. They raised their weapons at Church and glanced between each other, and beneath his visor Church grinned. With an efficiency not portrayed at Blood Gulch Church moved, weaved through man after man and brought them down with nonlethal shots even as Agent Washington raced to stop him.

(how fucking dare they)

Church’s rampage ended with the Captain held point blank at his service riffle, his firing hand bleeding from a bullet wound.

“I am only going to say this once,” Church said as Washington danced around the groaning downed bodies. “You had better pray that all of your future shipments are supplies and not men or new orders because I can guarantee you, you will not be going home from this base unless it is in a body bag.”

“Private Church!” Agent Washington screamed out at the threat and doubled his pace.

“Am I understood?” Church questioned as one of the Blues tried to grab Washington and inadvertently tripped him.

“Listen son,” the man said slowly. “I don’t know what beef you have with me, but if you think I will take the threat from some lowly Private—” Church cocked the gun and Captain Weathers stilled.

“Trust me,” Church hissed, “I have the means.”

Captain Weathers swallowed, opened his mouth to say something, and then froze when the behemoth that was Caboose stepped up and carefully grabbed the riffle out of Church’s hands. Church didn’t even shift at the sudden proximity of the taller man, or at the loss of his weapon.

“Church,” Caboose said, and his voice was soft as he spoke. It barely trembled. “You need to stop being scary now. Agent Washingtub is upset.”

“I am upset, Caboose,” Church said.

mineminemineminemine

howdaretheyhowdaretheyhowdaretheyhowdarethey

(I’ll kill them)

(I’ll kill them all)

“Yes but,” Caboose fumbled for his words. “You are scary.” Church blinked and turned his head. “I do not like scary Church. He is mean.”

Church clenched his fists, and then nodded once. He turned and walked away from Captain Weathers and headed toward the landing pad for the pelican to wait. Caboose looked down at Captain Weathers and pursed his lips.

“You are mean too,” Caboose said plainly, and then stepped away to help Agent Washington up and lead him through the sea of bodies. The riffle in his hand went off just as they crossed the floor of the garage and suddenly the entire base filled with shouting.

Church glanced back only once as Washington and Caboose settled next to them, Washington seethed and Caboose shuffled nervously. He looked to Captain Weathers who collapsed to the floor, a neat little hole in his visor. He glanced to Caboose who handed him his riffle, and then to Washington.

“Do not do that again,” Wash rasped out.

“Noted,” Church replied blandly and didn’t bother to push Caboose away as the taller man draped over him like a wet limpet. “You can’t say they didn’t deserve it, though.”

Washington floundered. The roar of the pelicans engines drowned out whatever response he gave, but Church knew easily that the other man felt just as enraged by the injustice as Church did. Church knew if given half the chance Wash would have put a bullet between the eyes of every serviceman here. Really Church did them a favor; they didn’t need to be massacred by Agent Washington. He doubted they’d make the same mistakes again.

They boarded the pelican in silence, and Church let the rage escape from him like water through his fingers. He leaned against Caboose and sighed tiredly. Holding that much anger for as long as he did drained him. It was like Church pulled upon a part of himself long severed, a jagged edge in his mind that had been soothed over poorly with a patch job that barely held together. Caboose, like always, seemed to know just what he needed; Church felt himself drift off into static.

[fallxnprxnce]

Too many muses meme: 1 - 15!

UNFAIR! OMG, WTF! I SHOULD HAVE SAID SEND ONE NUMBER! XD

1. A muse that’s always easy for you to write.

Jix (@xleafyheartx), my leafling fandomless OC. He’s my only muse that I can always write on the spot and never seem to get writer’s block for. It’s probably because he’s so sweet and positive all the time that I never find myself running into issues with not wanting to write certain topics due to a bad mood or whatever. =)

2. A muse that’s often difficult for you to write.

Lacryma (@crackedbellsandsilenttears), my fandomless fantasy spell OC. She doesn’t speak unless another muse teaches her how. In fact, she doesn’t really know much about life at all. It’s just the nature of her character, heh. She learns quickly, but until she gets exposed to things and starts learning how to communicate, it’s difficult for me to get her thoughts and wants across. That she’s also very timid doesn’t help, heh.

3. A muse you want to write but feel you can’t.

Alice Abernathy from the Resident Evil movies. I love her so much and would love to write her, but because she’s one of my favorite characters I just can’t do that to her, haha. I wouldn’t do her justice at all. I’m good at writing emotional, half broken, tragic characters, but I’m not as good at writing ones with real strength. It’s a serious weakness of mine as a writer. Alice is one of those rare characters that is a blend of both. She shifts from more vulnerable and outwardly emotional to hardened and guarded with her emotions as she moves from the early movies to the later ones, but she’s always some mix of strength and vulnerability, regardless of what point in the timeline you’re talking about. I don’t feel that I would portray that sort of depth to my own standards of my Alice deserves, heh. Beyond that, I don’t think I could keep track of all the sheer number of plot lines, histories, and supporting characters that Alice encountered along the way to be able to navigate the fandom while writing her. I haven’t played any of the newer games either, so my knowledge is lacking. Fortunately, I don’t have to write her. There are a few Alices on Tumblr already, and I’ll give a shout out to @realprojectalice who writes Alice exactly how I would want to if I had the skills. She’s amazing, hit her up if you want to write your muse with Alice. =)

4. A muse you lost and really wish you could make active again.

Channe (@fxcelessqueen), my Elven/Ulaeri fandomless OC. I… have no idea where she went or what the problem is, but I want her back dammit. I’ve tried so many times, but she’s just not here right now. I think it’s been a combination of real life causing her to make herself scarce in my head of late and the fact that she does not translate to Tumblr very well at all. But I’ll keep trying, I promise, heh.

5. A muse you lost and you’re fine with leaving them inactive.

Ygritte from Game of Thrones. I never roleplayed her on Tumblr, but I have written a decent amount of fanfiction for her, and I used to really have her as a strong muse I felt very comfortable writing. She was my second favorite character behind Ned Stark. But I stopped reading aSoIaF after book 3 and stopped watching the show after season 4, and I’m out of touch with the fandom now, so I don’t really mind leaving Ygritte where she is.

6. A muse you weren’t initially very interested in writing but ended up loving.

Matt Addison (@freewillacquired) from the Resident Evil movies. I made that blog to write Nemesis initially, and I had no interest in writing Matt. I didn’t really care about him or overly like him as a character. He was just kindof a blank in my mind while watching the first movie. I did have to pay a bit more attention to him and do some studying up because he is Nemesis’ origin. Even that didn’t get me very interested in Matt. I quickly came to realize, though, that having this blog would automatically draw attention to Matt in addition to Nemesis and that people would assume I wrote both. I was this close to telling people nah, I only write Nemesis when it occurred to me that I was doing Nemmy a disservice by ignoring his human origin. So I said eh… I’ll give Matt a try and see how it goes. I totally love him now, I’m having a lot of fun writing him, and re-watching the first movie was a totally different experience recently, haha, because now I care so much about all things Matt, lol. I definitely found a muse I gel with when I wasn’t even looking and in an unexpected place. XD 

7. A muse you thought you would love writing but ended up hating.

Elunae (@queenofbethmoora), my Hellboy II OC and Nuada’s mother’s ghost. I thought this was a natural character to make and that she would be interesting because nothing was ever said about Nuada’s mother. So I could kindof go nuts and do whatever I wanted. I had fun initially, but she was not well-received and I got tired of her gentle, vanilla, and often submissive personality. Eh… I just really screwed up the idea and I feel badly about it.

8. A muse you hate but write really well.

Jon Snow from Game of Thrones. (sigh) At the risk of losing like a hundred followers inside of five minutes… I really hate Jon Snow. I’m not gonna get into why or I would write thirty solid pages, but I’ve hated him from the beginning and the more he is glorified by fans and on the show, the more he survives things he never should have, the more rules his character breaks because GRRM has decided that he should be safe, and the more popularity his character gains in the fandom, the more I just want a dragon to sit on his head until he dies, heh. Having said that, in order to write the fanfiction I wanted to write about Ygritte, I needed to include Jon Snow, so he and I got very well acquainted for about a year. I did a lot of research on him, and I practiced writing him a lot before I actually started my projects. I’m happy with the way he came out, and I’ve had hardcore Jon Snow fans who know I hate him tell me how surprised they were by how well I wrote him. I’ve also had people who didn’t know me at all say they would never have guessed that I wasn’t a fan of his, heh. So apparently, even though I hate the character, I’m able to write him very well, haha.

9. A muse you love but write terribly.

Raiden (@therain-trxnsfxrmed​) from the Metal Gear Solid/Rising video games. Another one of my favorite characters of all time, and I tried to make a blog for him, but omg I just suck so badly at writing him, haha. I think that’s why there’s like no activity on his blog right now. I just avoid writing him because I piss myself off with how terrible it comes out. (sigh)

10. A muse you write that’s canon but feels like an OC.

Nemesis (@freewillacquired​)from the Resident Evil games/movies. I’m adding so much to Nemmy it’s not even funny. In the games, he never had a backstory. I guess we always knew he was human, since he’s an upgraded Tyrant class mutation, which come from human origins, but they never said who he used to be. He was just a mindless pain in the ass that was invincible until the final fight which… is god modding, Nemmy, and it’s rude. XD Then in the movies we got to know Matt Addison before we learned he was turned into Nemesis, which added a whole new dimension. We also saw Nemesis step out of his mindless killing machine role, reject Umbrella, remember Alice, and protect her. He never did anything like that in the games, so again, we got a little glimpse of his intelligence and his capacity to remember his human self and his old memories. Aaaaaaand then he took a helicopter to the face and got vaporized by a nuke. A minor setback, haha. But anything after that was open to interpretation, extrapolation, and good ol’ fashioned fudging. I’m adding so much as far as what he does with himself now, what his daily activities are, what he eats, what he thinks about certain things and people… it’s so much fun. As a writer, it’s super fun to be handed a scaffold, bare bones character and fill in the blanks with your own imagination. He really does feel more like an OC at times to me because I’m laying down so many layers of info outside of what was provided to me by the canon.

11. A muse you want to write but don’t because the fandom intimidates you.

Ned Stark from Game of Thrones. I actually did write him very briefly on my fanblog for the character because someone thought it was an RP blog, haha. But it was only one thread and it didn’t last long. It was a lot of fun, though. He ranks very high up there for favorite characters of all time for me and he’s a pretty easy muse for me to write personality-wise, but the fandom and many of the characters are so negative toward him that it makes me just not want to bother. They make fun of him for how he died, they call him Lawful Stupid (a term I deeply resent both as someone with a Lawful Good alignment and someone who plays D&D paladins who have been called Lawful Stupid before), they say he’s not significant because he only lasted one book/season, etc. I just don’t have the energy to always write a muse who’s getting attacked for being an honorable, good person. It irks me to no end and the fandom is just so negative about this and so many other things that I steer clear. But, if you are looking for a great Ned to write your muse with, you might try inquiring with @handofhonor. I’ve never interacted with them but I’ve been reading their RPs for a long time now and they write Ned so beautifully, it’s amazing. They really do him justice.

12. A muse whose personality is close to your own.

Channe. Originally I wrote her as an outlet to freely and safely express my own anxiety, be it social anxiety or OCD or reclusiveness or dependency issues, what have you… without actually writing myself. So she began as kindof a self-insert of my own personality inside a fantasy character with real power, unlike myself. it was a way for me to work through some personal issues, and over the years, Channe has changed as I have changed, and she’s even done better with her issues than I have, heh. This is literally the only time in all the thousands of characters I’ve written over the years where I’ve done anything close to a self-insert.

13. A muse whose personality is very different from your own.

Jix, haha. I… am a negative, pessimistic, cynical, irritable, snippy bitch, hahahaha. So how I wrote the most adorable, precious, cinnamon roll, ray of sunshine, cup of smiles, barrel of cuteness muse, I do not understand, haha. I really don’t get how Jix even came out of my dark, dank, anti-social, emo brain, hahaha. But I’m so glad he did. =)

14. A muse often misunderstood by other muses at first impression.

Aurelien (@a-very-proper-shxde), my fandomless shade OC. A shade is basically a shadow creature. A bodiless being that looks like a black cloud with red eyes who’s made of cool, negatively-charged energy. Technically, I think he qualifies a type of incorporeal undead. The problem with this… is that Aurelien was once a human paladin. As such, he is a nicest, most honorable dude you will meet, but upon seeing him, most people think he’s a demon, or at least immediately assume that he’s evil and hostile. The poor guy constantly has to defend and explain himself after little more than an innocent “hello.” Even then, some muses are wary of him and it takes a while for them to trust him.

15. Your favorite muse you’ve ever written.

Jix, again, heh. Hands down. He makes me so happy to write, he makes me happy with how other muns react to him and to the stories we write, and I love to see plots with him and other muses play out. He’s such an innocent little doot-doot and he’s just so cute you could scream in a good way, and I just love him so much. Like I said before, I have no idea how I was blessed with Jix out of the dusty, cobwebby, brain with a survival horror atmosphere that I seem to have, haha, but I’m so glad that he popped out one day and that I brought him to Tumblr. He’s too fun to write, seriously. I am considering making my upcoming NaNoWriMo project a book about Jix. =) 

[projectomerta]

DBH Bodyguard - Chapter 3: Back in Action

Fandom: Detroit: Become Human

Words: 2931

“Well, Ms. Evans. You’re almost fully healed, you'll be discharged this afternoon, but I cannot stress enough that you should be very careful not to overexert your body.” 

“Thank you, doctor. I’ll be fine.” 

With those words, Layla dismissed the doctor, leaving her alone in the room, sitting on the bed. White walls surrounded her, and the trees danced in the wind, behind the window. 

In the afternoon, Connor walked in, holding a plastic bag and an umbrella.

“Good morning, Miss. I’ve brought the clothes like you requested.” 

Layla grabs the bag and checks its contents, frowning at what she finds inside. She gave Connor a killer look to which he gave no reaction.

“I asked for a white shirt, jeans and sneakers. Why did you bring me boots, a wool sweater and sweatpants?!”

Connor blinked once before responding. “There is a 67% chance that it will rain in under an hour, which would decrease the overall temperature in the air. Moreover, your clothing choice is rather inefficient. Your footwear is fine, but your jeans restrict your movement and your shirt doesn’t protect you from the cold.” 

Layla took the deepest breath of her life. “Connor… I don’t even own any of those clothes. Whose money did you waste?” 

“Yours Miss, but it was not a waste. These clothes are objectively better than yours, like I just explained.” Connor paused for a second. “Besides, you don’t own any clothes other than shirts and jeans.”

The blonde could feel a headache coming, but she cracked a smile, before looking back up at Connor. 

“I also have a shit ton of sexy underwear,” she winked, “Didn’t you go through any of those?!” 

It seemed like Connor had to process that sentence for a split second. “No Miss. You only asked me to-” 

“Fine, fine!” She interrupted. “You’re boring…” She sighed. Layla got up and started undressing her hospital gown. “You haven’t told me shit all month long, so now tell me - what leads have you found?” 

“I cannot do that, Miss. Your father has ordered me to take you to him as soon as you got discharged from the hospital.” Connor said. 

Layla threw the hospital gown on top of the bed. “Well, wait outside then.” 

Connor left the room, leaving the blonde to her own devices. She looked down and saw the small mark left on her body by the bullet. It went nicely with the stab wound right next to it. God, I’m fucking lucky. Layla praised her luck for her second wound in the stomach to not hit anything vital. Last time, Andrew had saved her life by killing the man who attacked her, this time Connor shooed the assailants away. And they still haven’t told me shit about that Connor lookalike.

Over the last month, she had had a lot of time to think about the accident that took place at CyberLife. Even though Connor had been prohibited of telling her anything, she had connected some of the dots on her own. If we got ambushed, they most likely knew that we were coming, and if they had that many people on deck, even more so. 

With her head drowning in desire to know more, she quickly got dressed up and left the hospital with Connor, letting the android drive her car.

…

As soon as he saw his daughter, Oscar got up from behind his desk and rushed to hug her. “Thank god, you’re finally out,” he said.

“Dad, you’re hurting me!” 

Oscar got away with a gasp and a scared expression on his face. He was terrified of hurting her, even if it was an accident. “Sorry.”

Layla smirked at her dad, and, as he walked back to his chair, she got to his destination first and sat on it herself. 

“So, which one of you is finally going to tell me what happened last month?!” She exclaimed and looked at Connor. “‘Cause all I know is that there was another Connor there, with the Jins.”

Oscar was clearly not enjoying the situation but he was far too smart to think he had the upper hand there. With a hand gesture and pursing of the lips, he gave Connor the task of explaining what happened.

Connor turned to Layla and his LED flickered blue for half a second before he started speaking. “After you passed out I asked that other RK800 who he worked under, and he did confirm that he was part of the Jin Family.” 

“No shit Sherlock. I could’ve figured that out without asking him,” she chuckled. “So, did you find out anything else with your amazing detective skills?” 

The Android took a moment to answer. Long enough to feel unnatural, but short enough that it wasn’t awkward. “If you don’t interrupt me, I’ll be able to reach the conclusion sooner, Miss.”

Finally I get a reaction. She smiled maliciously at the android, gesturing to him to continue.

“After that first question, he started yelling at me, irrationally. He was saying things like ‘You’re nothing but a tool to them.’ and ‘Stop pretending!’. None of it made sense, but it did make it apparent that he’s a deviant.” Connor noticed the expression on his listeners' faces. “A deviant is an android who deviates from his programming. They develop emotions and start thinking for themselves, instead of obeying their owners.” 

Layla looked at Connor, half surprised, half skeptical. “So it was him that got angry, not you, huh? You two sound exactly the same.” 

“Yes, we’re both RK800 models, it’s only natural our voices would be the same, though my model is slightly different. One more thing I’d like to point out is that we were obviously compromised. Someone warned the Jins of our arrival, otherwise they wouldn’t have been able to gather that many people.” The android stated.  

“Yeah, I agree, but no one knew we were going there.”

“You’re wrong, Miss. Diego knew about it, but his betrayal is highly unlikely.” The android paused for a second and his LED flickered a bit. “My theory is that our location was given away by CyberLife itself. We got into the building without setbacks, and we tricked the receptionist, as well as the checkpoint androids, but… It just doesn’t sit well with me.” 

The three pondered in silence while Connor’s LED flashed in a yellow color. Layla now had a thought in her head that terrified her. The first place we searched was the right place. The Jins find us immediately. Two Connors… All of it on the same day Connor comes to us… It can’t be him… not Connor....

“Mr. Evans, the Jin Family has a working relationship with CyberLife, correct?”

Oscar furrows his brow at the android, intrigued by its question. “Yes. It’s common knowledge that they’re partners.” 

“Everything makes sense then.” Connor turns to Layla. “Miss, while you were in the hospital I tailed a member of the Jin Family and I found one of their hideouts, not too far away from the CyberLife building we searched.” 

The blonde woman got up immediately. “What are we wai-” She took her hand to her stomach, in pain. “...Fuck,” she cursed, sighing. 

“Layla, you shouldn’t go, you’re not fit for a fight right now.” Oscar said, in a stern voice.

“Sure thing dad...” She slowly walked past her father, rolling her eyes.

Oscar exchanged a look and a nod with Connor before the android left the office with Layla, on their way to snoop around the Jin hideout.

…

“Here we are, Miss.” 

They had just gotten to their destination, and Connor had just stopped the car. Layla was looking skeptical at the building where the android’s eyes were set. She looked at him and at the building twice, before asking, with a furrowed eyebrow: 

“Are you sure this is it, Connor?” 

Connor didn’t move an inch, nor did hesitate to speak. “Yes, I’m quite positive. We saw a member of the Jin family entering this place and the person who seemed to come receive him was the android we saw at CyberLife.

The other android. The other Connor… Suddenly, the blonde came to a realization. Confusion, curiosity and slight anger all invaded her brain at once, jutting her forward in her seat, which made her curse in regret and pain. 

“Hey! You fuckers never told me exactly what happened between you and your twin!” 

Connor’s LED displayed some flickering without straying from it’s blue hue, and the android finally looked at Layla. “He is not my twin, Miss, we are merely androids of the same model, nothing more.” He paused, briefly. “After you passed out, we shot at each other a few times, to no effect, and afterwards we had both exhausted or ammunition, so he left.”

“Why didn’t you punch him?” 

“My orders were to keep you safe, and with him gone I had no reason to fight anymore.”

“Pff, boring…” The blonde retorted, looking at the hideout. 

The android’s LED changed color, from it’s usual blue to a not so common yellow. He was looking attentively at the blonde, and got closer, to her face, staring closely at her cheek. “Miss, your cheeks seem to be red. Are you feeling well?” 

She hadn’t realized how close he was, and got startled when she looked back and saw him there. 

“Fuck! What are you doing?!” She yelled. 

“Like I just said, I’ve been instructed to keep you safe, to protect you. If you're not feeling well I’m to take measures to improve your condition. I’m just making sure of whether or not I should do anything about it.” 

Layla could feel her face getting warmer by the second. “I’m fine! Just get away from me!” Stay there, please. She thought. “Now. Tell me why the fuck did the Jins build a hideout inside of a chinese restaurant!” 

Connor went back to his initial position - he sat upright, looked forward and stuck his eyes to the entrance of the restaurant.

“What now, Connor?” 

“We should wait until a member of the Jin family enters or exits the restaurant. That way we can follow him in and find out what it is that they’re hiding.” 

“Well, sucks for the customers, I guess...” She sighed, lightly.

“There are no customers at this establishment, Miss. It is nothing but a front for their gang operations.” 

The blonde nodded. The plan was good, but she wasn’t exactly back to normal after what Connor did. She could feel her heartbeat going at a quick pace, still. Dumb bitch, he’s an android! Why are you like this?! 

Now wasn’t the time to indulge in her thoughts, though. She had a job to do, and she wasn’t very fit to do it in her current state, let alone with her emotions clouding her decision making. She needed to focus, and she did. Between defiled corpses or victims left willing to become as such, she had seen more than enough in her life as a cop to know that she had it easy.

...

The sounds of the city were almost overwhelming. Traffic was insane and the complaining was even worse, but every little thing was helping her find peace of mind, which was good. It was just a regular street in New York, nothing out of the ordinary, but it all felt, looked and sounded nostalgic and familiar. It was just a regular street in New York, nothing out of the ordinary. Unfortunately, Layla had to picture all of it, as it was dark now and the street was mostly deserted.

Some time went by, roughly an hour, before someone finally came out. The crowds were gone but the deafening noise of the city was still there. Connor went after him without delay. They were both ready - as Connor approached the unsuspecting korean man, Layla covered his back and both of them had their hands on their guns. The android got closer and closer to their target, walking fast but silently, not that he had to, but it was out of instinct, or… Programming? Whatever it was, it did the trick, as Connor managed to get close enough to cover the man’s mouth and drag him into a dark alley. Looking around to see if they had been followed, Layla went after them as quickly as she could. The android pushed the man against the wall, as the blonde approached them.

The man was struggling and trying to wiggle out of Connor’s imprisonment. “Sir, I’ll ask you to stay quiet, or else we’ll have to take measures to shut you up. Is that clear?” Connor threatened.

The korean man was terrified. His expression showed a mix of confusion and fear that was making him sweat. He nodded and calmed down. Connor removed his hand with a swift movement and pointed his gun right at the man’s forehead. 

“Now, what-” 

“Why do you fuckers have an android?” Layla interrupted, pointing a knife at the man’s throat.

Connor talked before their prisoner could. “Miss, I believe I-” 

Layla looked Connor in the eyes, with rage swelling up inside of them. “I’m doing this, at the very fucking least.” Her eyes turned back to the man they had pinned against the wall. “Now, tell me. Why do you guys have an android?” 

The man stiffened up. As soon as Layla stopped speaking he turned his head again to look at Connor, like he had been doing that entire time, with a perplexed look. “I don’t know!” He squealed.

Layla was staring the man down, trying to decipher whether or not he was telling the truth. Her ‘search’ was interrupted by Connor’s voice when he said “He’s lying, Miss.” She looked at him for a second and reciprocated his help with a “Thanks.” Layla looked at the Korean man with a fire in her eyes. Before the man - or even Connor - could realize it, she reversed the grip on her knife and stabbed the man between the legs, making him gasp. 

Connor looked down to see what she had just done. There was no blood, just ripped pants. The blonde woman got very close to the man’s ear without removing the knife from underneath his balls. “If you try some shit like that again, I’m gonna stuff your little fucking friends down your fucking throat. Now… Answer the damn question.” 

The man didn’t hesitate for a second. He spoke as fast as he could, in a very high pitch voice. “All I know is that his name is Kwan. I actually don’t know myself why we have him, but there is a man inside the chinese restaurant I just left who can tell you everything! He’s tall and muscled and has long black hair and a tattoo of a sea turtle on his inner left thigh!” 

Her jaw almost dropped. A turtle?! And how does he know- Nevermind... She physically shook those thoughts out of her head. “Good boy.” She whispered. “Now, who killed Andrew Willem?” She asked in a much more serious tone.

“Evans’ Daughter’s bodyguard? It was Kwan!” The man whispered, as his throat was too dry for him to speak clearly. “He sniped him from the CyberLife building.”

“How many people are inside the restaurant, besides the man you mentioned? Is Kwan one of them?” Connor asked, just as Layla was about to speak. She didn’t get mad though, the question was pertinent. 

After two seconds of pondering the man answered with ‘Six people.’ Not even a second after the man was done talking, Layla asked Connor if he had anything else to ask. The android asked their prisoner if any of them were armed and got the answer “At least five of them are. Kwan isn’t there.” 

Layla eyed the man down for a second. “Connor, step back.” Though that was supposed to be a warning, Layla didn’t waste any time before plunging her knife into the man’s throat. She grabbed his shoulder and pushed him away as she yanked her knife towards herself, making the korean man fall to the ground, swimming in a pool made out of his own blood. Even Connor would’ve been impressed, has she not fallen flat on her ass, groaning in pain.

The android processed what he had seen. His LED even flickered for a second. “I could’ve just shot him, Miss.” 

“Shut up.” She grunted. “You’ll have a lot of shooting to do inside that restaurant, I deserve to kill at least one of these fuckers.” 

Connor gave Layla a helping hand and they made their way to the restaurant. The blonde was walking even slower than before… That fall had taken a toll on her, and so had that interrogation. She was glad she finally knew who had killed Andrew, and that she could put a name and a face to that person. The hard part was that Kwan was virtually no different from Connor. 

Layla took her eyes off of the ground to see her partner almost entering the restaurant. “Connor, come here.” Upon hearing her words, the android quickly came back to her.

“What is it, Miss?” 

Layla discretely handed him her gun. “I’m not gonna use it, so you might as well take it. You’re outnumbered, after all.” 

Connor took her glock and walked away once more, just as fast as he had come. Layla stopped walking and just stared at his back as it moved farther and farther away from her, fading into the restaurant as his LED went from its usual blue hue to a bright red color.