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#and see way way less (haven't seen anyone in months lmao again...i wanted to make birthday plans but my cat was dead i couldn't do it)
cowboy · 26 days
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journal #2
Good eve. :)
I've been in a strange way these past few days. I don't even know where to start seeing as this is seen by strangers who know nothing about my life, not even the mundane or simple things. but I'll just go into it.
This feeling I've been having of feeling like a tiger pacing in a cage has existed for years now and it flares up every once in a while. what does it feel like to let that pressure buildup go? is it possible to let it go? what would cause that pressure to burst and be freed? is this feeling eternally subconscious-to-conscious-to-subconscious-again? as in, i feel like it comes and goes but always exists. does it ever truly, truly leave? what does it mean to feel free, or cageless, anyway?
do y'all even know that feeling i'm talking about? lmao.
i have been going crazy over this crush for way too long and that's definitely adding to my feeling. i feel absolutely tied to a crush when i have one; i become addicted to the sensation of being near them and i forego so many of my desires and needs for them.
i came back home the other day to a messy room for five days in a row and only today could i clean it. i'm actually also realizing i haven't had my meds for a month now and i think that's really adding to this feeling and these actions (or... lack thereof).
anyway, i made a hinge profile this morning and i quickly realized how much i enjoy being found cute! it usually makes me feel really nervous but the separation of an app/ability to just swipe left or whatever made me feel more in control. to be clear, i hate that i enjoy it so much. i feel very vain in that sense -- i suppose it's human, but i'd like to think i don't need/want to be found attractive. oh well. i do i guess. not sure if that's something i should like... fix.
hinge both helped and did not help at all with my crush. i've been able to realize there's attractive funny interesting people out there that my crush tunnel vision was distracting me from, so i feel a lot less tethered to my crush. on the flipside, i realized so quickly that the type of person i am really truly fully attracted to at the moment doesn't exist, because it's just my crush. i just want someone exactly like him because i just like him so much. Lmaoooooooooo.
i'm also feeling stuck on this one art piece i'm making for my now-ex-but-still-bestie -- here's a pic of all the drafts i made of it:
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that pic is missing one; four drafts total exist.
here's a close up of the most completed one:
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plus my stupid looking goose ass. (my eye is red and irritated rn.)
it says "isn't it funny that we're here and not there?" i liked this concept for a while but now i am sick of it after drawing it three times and i feel like the message is boring to me now. i wanna draw something new, but i haven't properly set aside the time to develop any novel concept that would be appropriate as a gift for my friend.
anyway, i'll try to figure that out. what i'm more interested is -- do you feel like you get anything from this image, emotionally or intellectually? does it interest you at all whatsoever? what do you think the meaning is behind this piece, if any is notable at all? (i like it when people form opinions or theories behind the meanings of my pieces, so anything is valid 100%.)
also, would anyone be interested in purchasing one of these original drafts from me for like $10 or $15? again, i'm seeing if i might dip my toes into selling my art online so any feedback is helpful. hehe.
i'll end here. i have some more to post -- i'll be posting a little sketch comic draft of "notes on having a crush" and maybe people can find those relatable or what have you.
i hope everyone's having an excellent day. i am having a good one myself, despite that strange feeling of being pent-up and unresolved. :)
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sharingtheprocess · 19 days
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I always think of gender as a performance but what else do I perform?
Random reflection: my internship had this disability justice training and we spoke about performance & the way performativity has grown to have a negative connotation. Shortly after we were encouraged to push back on the dismissal of performance- because what is performance but becoming? trying? The facilitator said "we must all perform or values, practices, and self until the performance becomes embodied..." and I loved that
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Hi everyone :) I'm back again to share about how things are going in Brasil. It's officially been a little over two months and naming that still feels weird to me. It does not feel like two months have passed but I also can't think of a better number?? I just know that I've been here. Even though it's winter & I've been dealing with the sun setting much earlier, it still feels like each day is longer than in the states. I'm starting to write this now on a Tuesday and I can't believe it's only Tuesday.
I'm happy to say I'm feeling a lot better. I'm still not conversational in Portuguese but some people are patient enough to struggle along with me in conversation. It's been kind of funny to see how quickly other people give up talking to me- those interactions remind me not internalize anyone's actions. People usually disengage if 1) I say I only know a bit of Portuguese 2) we are in a loud ass room so between the music & my limited vocabulary I keeping asking them to repeat themselves or 3) I start speaking in Portuguese but my accent is sooo off people be like "espanhol?" 🤣
I honestly cannot tell you what has really changed in the last few weeks, but I feel myself and this country opening up to each other more. I feel less like a visitor and a bit more like I live in this area and that daily comfort means a lot to me.
There have been other little changes around the home: Folake (Rayna's friend & initial roommate) is back in the states. She was supposed to leave at the beginning of July but couldn't leave the country (crazy story) and now Lupe is here visiting us! (S/O to Lupe for traveling to be with us). They'll be here til September 1st and I'm really excited to have someone to share new activities with and host.
I haven't seen Lupe since December, so it is really special to have them here, reconnect, and spend time together. Lupe if you're reading this I love you a lot and I'm so so thankful Rayna Jai brought us together <3
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I went on a bike ride, visited new cities, and in the midst of it all I've been trying to release control. One reoccurring theme I've noticed whenever I move somewhere new is my own surprise when I feel a depressive episode about to start. Subconsciously I tend to feel like being in a new environment means I'm further away from my triggers or childhood trauma so I shouldn't feel sad or grumpy. But it's like no babes that all lives within me. And some days it makes itself known in bigger emotions (I'm irritable, withdrawn, fragile) and having my girlfriend witness all of it makes me feel really exposed.
I don't want these entries to involve too much relationship reflection but I must say a big part of why I'm here/how Brazil even became a blimp on my radar is Rayna- so I do want to name some things:
I'm learning a lot about myself because this is my first time living with a partner. I'm grateful for how much Rayna and I check in with each other because while it can sometimes bring up anxieties, I'm learning to share, process, and receive. Sometimes I want to hide and isolate, but Rayna has a crazy attunement to my energy, so I always feel seen LMAO. And that's the part that is really hard for me. I recognize sometimes my emotions are huge tidal waves and the energy is palatable but other times a bitch is trying to mask and it's not working 😭
My disorganized attachment style and the pre-therapy default settings do get worked up because being witnessed in my struggle is uncomfortable. But I'm practicing real conflict resolution skills- and not the selective vulnerability where you share things that you're comfortable disclosing so people feel close to you, but they don't really know you. It's this real, raw, vulnerability that honestly makes me want to throw up (anyone else relate or am I really just that sick in the head? lmfaoo).
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I'm learning that people can feel hurt by me and still love me and that feels really huge, and I could cry if I think about it for too long. Overall, I'm a moody ass bitch and some places or days exacerbate traits about myself that I'm not always proud of, but I'm grateful for the grace and compassion others show me so I can show that to myself.
Things I'm looking forward to:
Finally fully unpacking my suitcase. I have basically been living out that hoe (haven't hung up any clothes, set up all my toiletries etc.) since I arrived. I think moving into my own room is gonna feel really good 😁
I'm gonna finally try some new hobbies! Shout out to my sweet friend Nii for putting me on a capoeira class that's specifically for trans and nonbinary people. I've really been searching/needing a trans community abroad so I'm going to check it out next week. Please send me sweet loving energy so everybody there wants to be my frienddd
If the weather isn't terrible tomorrow I'm also gonna try and go to a drumming class (I'm extra hyped about this because I haven't done any Brazilian style drumming since I left Philly so I'm excited to have my full circle moment)
I'm starting spiritual direction school and it'll be nice to have a monthly commitment to check in with myself spiritually bc I have been neglecting that dimension of my life since moving
Things I'm anxious(?) about:
Lupe leaving- I'm gonna miss them sooo much. It's crazy how fast our time together has gone by and I don't want it to end
Job applications/interviews blah blah blah- I just want to be employed so I can have some healthcare coverage
Trip to rio next month: a lot of things are unplanned and I'm a planner so this is feels a lil crazyyy but like I said I'm practicing releasing power and control
Starting spiritual direction school. I'm getting wayyy ahead of myself but I'm trying to do this so I can start playing entrepreneur (which is an energy I've been fighting for a long time) but I think it'll be really special to offer services to others
Thanks for reading & as always journeying with me 💞
Much love,
JC
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autumnrory · 2 years
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i thought i’d try making more last minute plans with this friend who always has to cancel but alas no luck sjkdfkjs it’s just been too long
#it's not a slight it's always for valid reasons to be clear#i mean 'i'm not feeling well' is a valid reason for me like i'm v understanding it's just frustrating#esp when you do prepare for plans and then it doesn't happen#and it's one of those friends where it's just like...feels like everything got kind of wonky#though to be fair that's most people bc after college i really was just so stuck and i didn't wanna make the effort with anyone#(which was already hard enough bc i had been in so many situations where i worked hard for people who wouldn't do the same#and that is somewhat reversed the last few years but i just. i'm so tired. it's not because i don't care#which is how it appeared with some of the ppl who did it to me#but just that i'm so so so tired all the time)#but anyway things were a little better and i gave up making plans after a few tries and was like i'll come back to it#and then my cat died and i just TRULY don't wanna do anything anymore#and it's made harder when you DO do something and then it feels pointless#and with the wonky friendships i'm just like does this person even wanna talk to me anymore#like we are adults you truly aren't forced like in high school and whatever but what do you know#fifteen years of insecurities and being excluded or even just FEELING excluded don't just disappear#but yeah i just don't feel secure in most of my friendships because most people i talk to so occasionally#and see way way less (haven't seen anyone in months lmao again...i wanted to make birthday plans but my cat was dead i couldn't do it)#and of course on my end i'm like of course i love this person it doesn't matter that we rarely talk#but i'm convinced their brains couldn't work the same so like. sad.#anyway i could try to make plans with someone else tomorrow night but i'm kinda like this is what i wanted#bc it's been the longest seen i've seen her and i miss her and i wanna check in#because i was EXTRA not good at it during 2020 i mean who was but it's like wow i had no idea about anything in your life#which...has been an issue with everyone for several years it's always like what new job new place new significant other#i'm completely out of the loop all the time#and i also have insecurities about how i'm the last to find anything out so. feels good!#personal
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hnychn · 3 years
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𝐒𝐏𝐈𝐓 𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐄 [𝐈𝐈𝐈]
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sypnosis : life with your five lovers has been more than fulfilling, but when you're paired with a student from general studies for a project, your quintet seems a little less full
word count : 4000+
warnings : mutual pining, gender neutral reader, relationship insecurities, bakugo tries but. . .it doesn't go as well as he planned, grammar errors and spelling errors, it's . . . a long one, a bit rushed at the end so uhh pls don't mind that :)
parts : [ 𝐈 ] [ 𝐈𝐈 ] [ 𝐈𝐈𝐈 ]
a/n : so sorry for the long wait LMAO- i know i said my bokuto fic would be coming out today but uhhh ahaha my depression hit me full force this weekend and i didn't even look at the dock because i was too busy sleeping, but uhh enjoy this :D
↩︎ back to student masterlist | main mha masterlist
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- WELCOME TO PART THREE sorry for the log wait 😭 life has been kicking my ass but we're not here to hear me complain, we're here for the tea
- so, it's a couple months after you joined the bakusquad and their relationship. and let me tell you, it has been nothing but amazing. 😩 your days are never quiet and they're always filled with some sort of excitement and love.
- you kaminari and mina often get into trouble for leaving the dorms late at night because you want snacks and there's nothing in the kitchens. you become kirishima's pillow, don't matter about your size or whatever, you are his pillow and you better not argue 🔫 sero always puts on some type of bachata or reggaeton or some spanish song and dances with you in his dorms. and bakugo is your go to person to cook with and just generally annoy or prank since it's so easy to get a reaction out of him.
- and you couldn't have asked for a better relationship. you all are so communicative and talk about your feelings often and how you're doing. every saturday or sunday, you all go to a dorm (usually it's bakugo's cause it's the cleanest) and have a huge cuddle pile and talk about your mental states, how you're doing, what you have problems with, etc etc.
- like damn ok i see you with the mentally and emotionally stable relationship 🤪🤪
- it's so refreshing too because sometimes you'll have a tough week and you jsut need to let it all out, and you can in the comfort of bakugo's dorm and you know none of them will judge you because they're all so open about their love for you (and vise versa)
- anyways, yeah y'all got the best relationship
- you never thought about anyone else in a romantic sense because the squad took up nearly all of the space in your heart. but when you teacher announced one day the general studies kids would be coming in to have a joint project to create gadgets for the hero course students, you had no idea your life would suddenly be turned upsidedown.
- you were paired with a guy named shinsou. he looked friendly enough and returned the wave you sent him with a little surprise as he made his way to the open seat next to you. he seemed surprised when you started a small conversation but he talked to you in a quiet soothing voice. he seemed nice enough and you figured the project would be a breeze since he seemed so nice and offered to meet up over the weekend to start up some ideas for the project.
- you agreed and the two of you met up that lunch period in the library to pre-draft some ideas and get to know each other more.
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"i'm surprised you don't mind being seen with me."
his sudden comment took you by surprise as you looked up from your paper with messily drawn gadgets and chicken scratch writing to look up at him, "what do you mean?"
it was true you had never seen him before or even heard of him, but his hesitance to talk to you and open up to you made you feel as though you should.
shinsou rubbed the back of his neck and looked away shyly, "so you really haven't heard anything about me, have you?"
he looked almost guilty to bring it up, his gaze falling to the table in front of him as be played with a strand of his hair.
you shook your head. you never really payed attention to gossip around school, your head always too high up in the clouds to care about rumors and gossip (bakugo often scolded you for being such an airhead and ignorant to your surroundings, but you knew he was just worried about something happening to you). plus, to you, gossip was nearly never right and more often made up and fictitious.
shinsou refused to look up at you, "well. . .i'm known throughout the school as a. . ." he looked hesitant to continue but before you could reassure him he didn't have to talk about it if he didn't want to, he continued, "well, a villain."
he prised his lips as if the words left a bitter taste in his mouth, and all you could do was tilt your head. shinsou didn't seem like a bad person - or a 'villain' as he had said. on the way to the library he held open doors for you and helped you carry some of your books to your locker and even bought you a drink you wanted buy but were a bit short of change on.
"do you think you are?"
"what?" shinsou looked at you for the first time since he brought up the topic.
"do you think you're a villain?" he shuffled slightly in his seat and looked away again from your intense stare. he felt like you were looking straight into his soul from how strongly you were looking into his eyes, he wasn't sure if you had even blinked in the last minute.
shinsou thought back to all the times he's been called a villain or a criminal. it was always unwarranted, a passing comment that seemed like no big deal to others but shattered his heart into smaller and smaller pieces. but never once had he ever thought he was a villain - a monster.
if anything, he used those comments as encouragement to become a hero, to be better than those who always thought he would turn to a life of crime. so, "no... i don't think i'm a villain."
"well, that's that."
shinsou could only stare at you, your smile brighter than any star he'd ever seen, so full of hope and encouragement shinsou felt like he could take on the world. he looked away and rubbed the back of his neck, a shy smile pulling at his lips and a weird feeling blossoming in his chest. how curious. . .
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- so yeah, a new friendship 🤪 the two of you started to spend a lot of free time together for the project. you would often meet up during lunches or free time between classes to work some more on the project, all the while getting to know each other in depth. you learned many things about shinsou and spilled many of your own secrets, you laughed together over old childhood stories, and played animal crossing on the rooftop during lunch, your project discarded and forgotten beside you.
- your sudden absence didn't go unnoticed by your lovers, and they grew curious to your whereabouts when you would blow them off for the fifth time that week to "work on your project". now, don't get me wrong, they had conplete trust in you and knew you would never cheat, but they were just curious as to what - or who - was taking up so much of your time.
- so, they did the smartest thing, and followed you. after blowing them off for the sixth time, they decided to follow you to your destination. mina and kaminari tried to be inconspicuous and wear disguises, but the fake mustache, black glasses (indoors, might i add) and hat weren't all too discreet as they thought.
- they followed you through every turn and weave you took and hid behind a corner when you stopped at a vending machine to get your favourite drink. but what surprised them the most was you also bought a coffee. bakugo was most surprised you even thought about even touching the can of caffine because he remembered you telling him you would get terrible caffine rushes that would make you dizzy if you drank coffee.
- but, as you finally reached the rooftop and made your way to a hunched over figure in the corner, it all made sense.
- they all saw how effortlessly you and shinsou acted around each other. they could see the soft looks he would send you when you weren't looking and the way his hand would hover over yours for a split second too long before snapping away as if you were made of lava. but surprisingly, they didn't feel any sort of jealousy or anger, it felt like a piece of them had returned they didn't even know was missing. the sort of feeling that walks through the door unexpectedly but it's wholesomely welcomed.
- the "oh, there you are, welcome back" type of feeling. they were happy you had found someone that made you feel comfortable, arguably more comfortable than you had been with them so far because truthfully, while you had felt welcomed and appreciated in the relationship, it still felt like you were an outsider. the five of them had inside jokes before you came and didn't get them when they came up, the five of them had habits special to each other that inadvertently excluded you. and while they never meant to hurt you (god knows that's the last thing they ever wanted to do), they had. but you knew that wasn't their intention so you held no malitious feelings towards them (not that you think you'd ever could).
- but the way you and shinsou so effortlessly opened up to each other, shared intimate details and secrets with each other - it warmed their hearts. so, bakugo grabbed them all by the back of their shirts and dragged them away, mumbling about giving the two of you space. there was a fond look in his eyes as he looked at the two of you he would be teased about later but would deny.
- it was undeniable bakugo held the softest spot for you. he tried as best as he could to include you in their inside jokes and habits but he was. . well . . . bakugo 🧍🏽‍♀️
- words aren't necessarily his strong suit and he could only hope his smaller actions let you know you were as loved and cherished as any of them there. and you knew, you caught on a little after bakugo had a little "secret talk" with the group (that wasn't really secret at all, he grabbed them all by their shirts and dragged them to a secluded spot while you distracted on your phone) and they all started to explain their jokes and include you in their habits.
- anyways, back to you and shinsou. 🤪 he was aware you were in a ployamorous relationship with the bakusquad and he's heard the way you talk about them and the soft airy tone of your voice and the starry look in your eyes; and he didn't want to get in between that. the last thing he ever wanted was to ruin your relationship for his own selfish reasons.
- so for the time being, he would be okay with watching you from afar, the sweetness of your love so close for him to taste; yet too far for him to savour.
- as more and more times passed, the bakusquad began to notice the lingering looks you would give shinsou when you passed him in the halls and how he would always be waiting for you outside of your class with your favourite drink before leaving you to go to lunch while he went off and . . . well, you weren't sure what he did during his free time, but he never brought it up so you never figured to ask.
- when you fell asleep the next time you all had a cuddle session in bakugo's room, they all talked about it. talked about your obvious feelings for each other and the possibility of including shinsou in their relationship. they spent hours talking about it and still talked about it even when the moon vanished over the horizon and the sun rose. and, in not very smart fashion, bakugo was tasked to confronting shinsou about their conclusion.
- which - almost as if there were an author behind all of this - didn't go as well as any of them planned.
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it was perfect, really. almost as if the universe had been listening to their conversation and aligned itself perfectly for this very moment.
you woke up that morning with a terrible stomach ache and chose to stay back in your dorm after bakugo made you a bowl of soup and threatened you to take your medicine. his classes ended a little earlier than usual and, sending his lover's a nod, made his way over to your class, where, lo and behold, shinsou was standing near the door, the familiar brand of your favourite drink in one hand and his own cold coffee in the other.
bakugo wasn't sure what he was going to say when he reached shinsou. he opted to just speak from the heart over rehearsing lines with the others like they had wanted, besides, what kind of lover would be be if he couldn't even do this for you? but, what he didn't take into consideration, was his emotional constipation and tsundere attidute.
"hey, eye bags!" bakugo called out.
shinsou nearly jumped out of his skin at bakugo's sudden loud voice. he looked over with the same eyes of indifference he normally had, but bakugo could see the slight far in them. not at his brash attitude (shinsou could never be afriad of bakugo and confronting him before the sports fesitval was a perfect example of that) but the fear of ruining your relationship with the bakusquad.
shinsou nodded at bakugo when he got close enough. bakugo stood in front of him, his hands still shoved into the pockets of his pants, "they're sick."
it was a simple enough statement but shinsou blinked, "what?"
"y/n." bakugo stated and rolled his eyes as if the answer had been written on his forehead (and it basically had, shinsou was just a bit shocked at his appearance), "they're sick and mina's staying back with them in their dorm."
shinsou rubbed the back of his neck, "oh."
there was an awkward silence as the two boys stood in the vacant hallway. bakugo didn't know what to say and shinsou wasn't sure if he should leave or go visit you for their lunch break.
"i'll go drop this off to them-"
"no." bakugo practically growled, "i'll drop it off. go get eat your lunch or i'll make your face an eye bag."
shinsou flushed a bit in embarrassment. he was overstepping, of course he was. for a minute, having you all to himself for nearly a week straight made him forget about the relationship you were in and this was a smack of reality. you weren't his. you were in a relationship with others, other people who could give you nearly double what he could - everything he couldn't.
handing bakugo the drink, shinsou stalked away to the cafeteria, his cheeks still a light shade of pink. bakugo sighed and knew he most likely made things worse, and he came there originally to make things right.
but fate will work itself out. and what will be, will be.
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- so... maybe sending bakugo wasn't the best idea ... 🧍🏽‍♀️
- because now, shinsou started avoiding you. when the two for you worked on your projects together, he would remain mostly silent and only input his opinion when he thought of an idea or needed help putting something together. you had no idea why and you honestly felt a little hurt that he ignored you as easily as breathing.
- you brought this up to your lovers on your weekly cuddle session, knowing they would have brought up your downpour attitude either way. what you didn't notice as your face was burried in denki's sweater were the glares they all were throwing at bakugo.
- "yeah, i wonder what happened..." sero smiled, though obviously strained, as he pet your head and told you shinsou was probably just going through something.
- and it was obvious you were hurt that shinsou had suddenly stopped talking to you because honestly it was kind of hard for you to make friends. a lot of people assumed you thought you were higher than everyone else because you were dating five students from the top hero course, but that obviously is far from the truth.
- anyways, a long time goes by and the two of you still haven't rekindled anything and the squad is getting a bit frustrated because hello??? join our cult lover circle ?????
- so the squad comes up with another solution and this time they don't send bakugo to collect shinsou
- they learned their mistake last time.
- anyways
- so sero goes and gets shinsou and tells him you need him for a little last touch of the project since it was near the due date and you wanted to make sure it was perfect. and shinsou agrees to meet up with you and follows sero.
- sero takes him into an empty classroom and it's pitch black. the windows have been covered with tape and all the lights are off. before he could ask what the hell was going on, the door slams shut and the lights suddenly turn on and shinsou's blinded for a moment.
- and he's met with a very interesting sight.
- mina, kaminari, and kirishima are standing in front of him with sunglasses and hats on, their arms are crossed and they have a blank look on their faces (though he can tell kaminari is about to burst into laughter and nearly does but kirishima jabs him in his side.)
- "uhh..."
- "shut up, eye bags." bakugo calls from behind him. he's leaning against the door with his arms crossed and an obviously pissed off look on his face.
- sero is just standing next to him with a 'sorry pal' kind of smile.
- "what is-"
- "what are your intentions with, y/n?" kaminari shouted suddenly as he slammed his hand on a nearby desk.
- "denki- no." mina pushed him back lightly, "that's not what-"
- "did you not listen last night, sparky?" bakugo rolled his eyes and scoffed lightly.
- kaminari shyly scratched his cheek, "i might have fellen asleep-"
- "he did." sero confirmed, "he drooled on me and everything.
- "I do not drool!!"
- "yes you do, it was like a waterfall, 'ki. "
- "no i don't, right kiri?"
- "well.. only a few drops.."
- "WHAT?! and none of you told me?!"
- "well, y/n kind of made us promise not to tell..."
- "SPEAKING OF Y/N," mina interjected into the conversation, her fingers rubbing at her temples as she wondered when she became the rational one, that was bakugo's job, "why don't we stick to the script, boys."
- kirishima slung an arm over her shoulder and pressed a kiss to her cheek, "sorry, princess."
- "right." sero turned to shinsou and crossed his arms, "you have feelings for them don't you?"
- shinsou tensed. his mind was still trying to comprehend the conversation that happened just a few seconds ago and processing the fact that kaminari drools in his sleep. he wasn't sure how to respond.
- of course he had feelings for you, any rational person who came into contact with you would catch feelings. it was part of your natural charm that seemed to effortlessly draw people in and never let them go. in a matter of minutes, you had simultaneously become his best friend and his closest confidant. often at night he cursed himself for catching feelings for you when things were perfect just the way they were.
- but shinsou couldn't help it. you had treated him like a normal person and weren't apprehensive about his quirk. you gave him a taste of normalcy in his world of anxieties and judgement, and he craved more and more the more time he spent with you.
- so dispte wanting to desparately scream 'yes, i do love her' at the top of his lungs, he looked down at the ground, "no. . . i . . i don't."
- "liar."
- bakugo seethed behind him.
- shoving himself off the wall he was leaning on, bakugo walked closer and closer to shinsou as he spoke, "don't lie. we all see the way you look at them, the way your stupid face lights up with a small smile when they're with you or the airy chuckle you give when they do one of those stupid dances when they make food and-"
- "OK OK I GET IT!" shinsou snapped. mina jumped slightly in kirishima's arms and shinsou sent her a small apologetic look, "you know! I'm in love with them! i've been. . ." he trailed off before collapsing into a chair behind him, his head hanging back and staring into the bright flourescent lights hanging from the ceiling.
- "i've been trying to distance myself from them, to make getting over them easier."
- "they've been hurting, y'know."
- shinsou groaned and hid his face in his hands, "i know. you think i don't see the looks they give me when i avoid them in the halls? it hurts knowing i'm the reason they're in pain."
- "so why are you doing it?"
- "because they have you guys," shinsou sighed as it if we're the most obvious thing in the world, "you all could love them a lot more than i ever could alone. plus, they're so happy with you, i couldn't be the reason to disturb that."
- "you gotta be fucking kidding me." bakugo growled and pinched the bridge of his nose.
- kaminari snorted, "i think i just got deja vu."
- "you could say that again," mina sighed, "i'm heading back to the dorms, this is giving me a headache."
- with his arm still slung over her shoulder, kirishima agreed, "yeah, not sure how we didn't see this from the beginning. i'll walk you back, princess."
- shinsou only stared blankly as mina and kirishima left the room with kaminari in tow, complaining about getting some math work done. never in his life did he feel as confused as he did now
- lost. mans was lost..
- someone get him a map and help him please
- they acted as if they hadn't been the ones to literally kidnap him
- only to nonchalantly walk out the door?????
- sero's voice snapped him back to the remaining two people in the room, "you two really are a match made in heaven." sero smiled at him and shinsou felt head rise in his cheeks, whether it be from embarassment or something else, he didn't know.
- "i'll see you two around" and then he left, leaving shinsou alone with bakugo, who had yet to realease the bridge of his nose from his pinch.
- "you're both a pair of dumbasses."
- "i'm offended-"
- "y/n said the same fucking thing when we confronted them."
- shinsou stayed silent.
- "they felt like their presence would ruin the routine we had set a long time ago when we first started our relationship. . . sound familiar?"
- shinsou rubbed the back of his neck and opened his mouth to speak, but bakugo interrupted.
- "shut up, eye bags, i'm not finished."
- "i dIdNt eVEn sAy aNyTHiNg"
- "sure there were some things we had to adjust to include them in our schedule and a whole new bundle of emotions to incorporate into our lives; but the while point of a relationship is to open up slowly and learn to trust the ones you love. and eventually, we all learned to trust them the same way they learned to trust us; but trust isn't something you can learn over night. it's gradual."
- bakugo sighed, how in the hell did he get stuck in this situation again. at the very least no one got injured this time, "what I'm trying to say is, if y/n makes you happy, then we're all willing to let you in our relationship and put our trust in you.
- "will you put your trust in us?"
- how dramatic ˙ ͜ʟ˙
- so
- :) shinsou decides, fuck it. i deserve the good things in life, and he puts his trust in the squad the same way they all put their trust in him.
- and they decided it was a good time to surprise you too and kill two birds with one stone :)
- so you walk in to bakugo's dorm after a long day of school. you were returning from turning in your project with shinsou, and while the teacher had given you many compliments and basically secured your A, you still felt a bit sad knowing it would be the last time you would see shinsou since your schedules didn't collide and you had ended on a . . . confusing note.
- so you were just looking to cuddle with your lovers on a Friday night and wallow away in your sadness.
- when you walked in the group had been piled in their natural spots on bakugo's bed. mina was giggling with kaminari as they scrolled through tiktok, bakugo was reading a book you had reccomend to him a while a go, sero and kirishima were softly play fighting as they laughed and chuckled.
- everything was as it should be
- until you got to where your spot usually was, cradled between bakugo's warm and firm chest and mina's plush thighs and stomach, and it was occupied by someone else.
- everyone stopped what they were doing, as they watched a smile pull at your lips when you recognised the disheveled pruple hair lazily sprawled in your spot. everyone watched with bated breath as they waited for your reaction and small smiles of their own shining through as they watched your interaction.
- you lifted your hand and smacked shinsou's knee that had been raised up slightly as one of his arms lay behind his head and the other fiddled with a bracelet around mina's wrist, and his lips pulled into a lazy smirk of his own as he watched you.
- "get up, fat head, you're in my spot."
- his smirk only grew.
- "do something about it, hero."
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cookinguptales · 2 years
Note
Is it correct that we witnessed Guillermo talking to Freddie only two times this season, and the last time was in episode 4 before they went to the Night Market? And next week Freddie will just appear out of nowhere? I guess it is alright for the crazy portion of the fans (us), those who know about the leaks and talk about each episode every week here on this silly little site. But I’m curious how the casual fans (has wwdits casual fans?) will react to Freddie’s appearance. In the end I think I just wanted a few more snippets of Guillermo’s boyfriend throughout the season, followed by short clips of a curious & concerned looking Nandor.
It's unclear, actually. We did see Guillermo on the phone very briefly in Go Flip Yourself, but we don't know if he was talking to Freddie or not. It was while "Bran" was on the phone arguing with the permit guy; we see Guillermo walk out of his room on the phone, see the camera, then walk right back in.
I'd say that it's probably implied that Guillermo was on the phone with Freddie if just because the only time we've seen him on the phone with anyone else in this season was while he was planning for Nandor's wedding. (And... I feel like there might be something to say there, but I think I'll hold onto it for now. lmao) And we've specifically seen Guillermo talking to him on the phone in his room and being secretive about it. It's possible he just didn't want to be on camera, but I think he was, again, trying to hide being on the phone.
(EDIT: someone told me this might have been implying that Guillermo was the permit guy? unsure, but it’s VERY funny if so.)
Anyway... I've talked about this before, but I do agree that the way Freddie's being introduced here is very weird, from a storytelling and pacing standpoint. To me, it feels less like a romantic storyline and more like... god, almost foreshadowing? They haven't shown enough real interaction between the two of them for literally anyone to get emotionally invested in the ship (like really all we've gotten is Guillermo hanging up on Freddie as Freddie tries to say romantic things to him) but it would make sense if they're trying to tease us about something bad coming up. It gives real "someone is suspicious on the phone a lot in a murder mystery" vibes, which is... a weird choice.
I really don't know if this is all purposeful or not. If they really want Freddie to be mostly a short-lived (but emotionally turbulent) obstacle to nandermo, the way it's being written makes some sense. He's not supposed to have a deep character; like Marwa, he's largely a plot device.
But if he is supposed to become a major character that we care about... it's weird. It's weird to expect us to get emotionally involved in a pairing we've never even seen. We've missed the entire first several months of the relationship. We don't even know how long it's been going on, much less how they met or got together. We don't know how they interact. We don't know how they feel about each other. And all that feels important when you're trying to introduce a legit romance...?
At this point, it's obviously information that's being kept from us on purpose. The only reason I can think of is if they're trying to hide some kind of twist from us, like when Laszlo very suspiciously tore that page out of the book in s3. (I've said repeatedly that the way they casually mention Freddie but give zero information about him feels a lot like how they kept mentioning Colin's 100th birthday in s3.) The whole thing kind of has a whiff of Chekhov's Gun, y'know?
But if the twist is just that Guillermo has a boyfriend at all, then... yeah, the characterization and build-up feels lackluster. And then you run into the same problem that I feel like they're having with Marwa. It's hard to get that invested in a character who's only there to cause trouble for the "main" characters. She doesn't have much of her own personality, which is purposefully done (and even lampshaded, to some degree) but like... it still makes it kind of awkward when she's onscreen sometimes.
I really hope that Freddie/Guillermo doesn't become a real thing because at this point, I don't see how it could be done well. There's just too much missing that I feel is intrinsic to making a romantic pairing work on a tv show, especially one that's introduced several seasons in. Having Laszlo/Nadja dropped on us in medias res was fine because it was the beginning of the show, they immediately depicted their dynamic and emotional intimacy, and they quickly explored it more thoroughly. We've really gotten none of that out of Freddie/Guillermo.
So like... really hoping he is going to be a plot device. It's still kind of frustratingly thin if he is, but it's a lot better than this being a half-hearted introduction to a regular character. I think the only way he could work as a regular character at this point is if he ends up being drastically different than we and Guillermo expect. (Like, idk, secretly a villain or a vampire or a slayer or something.) Then both of us get introduced to the true Freddie at the same time and the relationship can actually develop onscreen.
Then again... I just hate important characterization happening offscreen, lmao. It's one of my absolute biggest pet peeves in storytelling. It's the one thing that's actually irritating me most this season, as far as Guillermo is concerned. So that could be my own irritations coloring my analysis. lmao
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mintwithchoco · 4 years
Text
loonathesmut: Dawn
LOOΠΔ Jinsoul x Male Reader
Word Count: 6306 words
Categories: smut, oral, shower sex, stepsister! jinsoul
note; my first smut! i haven't seen anyone do a jinsoul smut so here! i think i focused too much on the plot but i tried my best to incorporate a lot of smut in here! i feel like it's also pretty cringey so bash me all you want lmao
note(05312021); thanks to an ask from an anon, me and @closedafterdark​ have done a few edits and even added a shower sex scene to make the story better.
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12 AM was displayed on the clock.
You were still awake, trying to finish an assignment that has been keeping you up the past three days.
It was raining harshly outside, the droplets pelting your window adding on to your laziness. You wanted to wrap yourself under the covers of your blanket and drink a cup of piping hot chocolate. Instead, you were working on a chemical equation when your attention was moved to the knocking sounds on your front door.
You were a bit confused about who was coming to your apartment this late at night. You suddenly thought about your friend. Maybe he forgot something? Or maybe it’s your mom, making a surprise visit at midnight. Though, that one seemed less likely as she was usually asleep by 8 PM.
You quickly rushed towards the door. To your surprise - it was neither your mom nor your friend. It was your stepsister, Jinsol.
You and Jinsol have been step siblings since you both were kids. She’s only a year older than you, which made it easier for you to bond with her. You still remember the days where you and her were playing hide and seek, beating each other in Super Smash Bros and sharing lunch together at school.
You and her were almost like real siblings, some might even say twins because of the similarities. Both of you had the same interest in food, music, etc. Furthermore, you were always together with Jinsol everywhere you went. If people didn’t know that you are both step siblings, chances are that you would’ve been mistaken as a good-looking couple.
But the truth was, you did have a little crush on her. You knew that it was wrong, but her personality is really similar to your ideal type. Caring, adorable, and a little clumsy at times, you obviously couldn’t say no to her. Adding on the obvious fact that she is really pretty from head to toe, it’s no wonder you were always nervous around her.
Now that you two were grown up, you have taken different paths in life. She has become an idol in a group called Girl of the Month, or more commonly referred to as Loona. The group has been doing well these days and of course, you were happy for her. You, on the other hand, continued your studies at a university in Incheon in the biochemistry field. Even though you and Jinsol were not living together anymore, both of you still kept in contact. It was almost a requirement to message each other almost every day and video calling whenever possible.
“Noona? Why are you-” you asked, blinking your eyes at her. She interrupted you from finishing your sentence by holding up two plastic bags with takeaway food inside. You automatically get them from her hands.
“The company gave me a week of vacation. Haven’t seen you in a while so I decided to pay my lovely brother a visit!” Jinsol said enthusiastically.
“But, why now though? It’s dangerous to be out at night, let alone someone as clumsy as you could get harmed.” You said, teasing her as a way to mask your visible concern.
“There’s less people at midnight. Plus, I had a bodyguard on the way here.” Jinsol answered, kicking off her shoes while entering your apartment.
“Oh really? Where is he?” You asked, peeking outside your door and not seeing anyone else with her.
“I told him to go back home. Which means, you have to take me back tomorrow! Ahh, it’s been a while since I’ve been here!” Jinsol answered while walking around the living room, looking at all of the new trinkets and decorations you have accumulated since her last visit.
You sighed deeply as you watched her pace around. Jinsol then plopped down face first onto your couch and gestured at you to sit beside her. You walked towards the couch, placing the bags of food on the table nearby and sat down beside her while holding in your nervousness.
Why were you nervous, you wondered. Is it because it’s been awhile since you’ve seen her in person? 
She was wearing a black long sleeved crop top with a black sleeveless top underneath, allowing you to see her toned abdomen. Her black shorts made your heart race faster due to how short they were, showing off her extremely long legs. Her creamy thighs looked delicious and the subtle hint of her buttcheeks were making your loins begin to burn with desire. You were thinking of very impure thoughts but did your best to suppress them.
Jinsol reached for the remote and turned on the television. You opened the bags and began taking out the styrofoam boxes of food out.
“By the way, why are you still up at this time? You were always asleep as early as possible.” Jinsol asked.
“As usual, assignments. I’ve worked on them for days now. Seems like they’re impossible to finish.” You said while opening the boxes. Once they were opened, you instantly smiled as the fragrant aroma of the food traveled into your nostrils. 
“Fried chicken? Oh you shouldn’t have!” You quickly ran to the kitchen and grabbed some utensils. Jinsol simply smiled at your actions.
“What do you want to drink?” You asked.
“Do you have any Sprite?” Jinsoul said.
“Yeah, I do.” You opened the refrigerator and took out two green cans of the unmistakable beverage.
With utensils on your right hand and the two cans of Sprite on your left, you went back to the couch and gently put them down. Both of you quickly dig into the food while watching a random movie that Jinsol put on.
The both of you talked a lot while eating, the movie serving as a background afterthought. From the funny moments during her fansigns to your experience working part-time at a daycare, your heart was constantly beating. The nervousness could be heard in your voice with each of your responses. You were quiet whenever she spoke and stuttered when answering her questions, often repeating certain words a few times. Every time you stutter, Jinsol would smile. Sometimes she would giggle for no reason and it only increased the furious rate your heart was pumping at.
Halfway through the movie, Jinsol suddenly asks a question that you’ve been avoiding to answer.
“Hey, baby brother?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you have a girlfriend?” Jinsol asked casually.
“Uhh no..I’m too busy with assignments and studies. I barely have enough time for sleep these days, much less a girlfriend.” You answered calmly.
“Ehh..really? How about a crush?”
“Not really. I don’t really know any girls at the university. Most of my interactions with them are about assignments or if they could borrow my notes from the previous lecture.” You felt slightly bad for lying to her, since you knew a handful of pretty girls in your university.
“How about you noona, are you interested in anyone?” You directed her question right back at her, mentally preparing yourself to be heartbroken.
“Yeah, I do actually.” All the color in your face was gone as you felt your heart metaphorically being glass and shattering into a million pieces. But you still held out hope that it was just one of her jokes...
“Oh really? Then tell me how attractive this guy is.” You teased.
“Hmm, let’s see. He’s handsome, pretty athletic, smart, kind but what’s important is that..” Jinsol stops and stares at you.
“..he’s like a little brother to me.” Jinsol ended her statement when your faces were mere centimeters and turned her focus to the movie.
You were visibly confused. Why would she emphasize her crush to be a ‘little brother’? You tried to wrap your head around it by watching the movie as well, occasionally stealing glances at her. But her words still lingered in your mind.
It was around 2 AM when the movie finally ended. You looked towards Jinsol and saw her fast asleep. Being the good brother and host you are, you delicately lifted her into your arms to bring her into your room so that she could sleep on your bed. The impure thoughts reared their ugly head into your mind as you did so.
After gently laying her down on your bed, you grabbed some pillows and blankets to sleep on the couch. You decided it was too risky to share the bed with Jinsol otherwise.
Just as you were about to close the lights and head to the living room, you felt a hand grab your arm. You looked back to see Jinsol who had a sleepy look plastered on her face pulling you back.
“Where are you going?” Jinsol asked with a quiet and raspy voice. Her exhausted voice sounded so seductive, almost causing you to choke on your own saliva.
“I’m s-sleeping on t-the couch. You know, t-to give you privacy…” You said, failing to not stutter that you had just managed to control.
“You’re not gonna feel comfortable sleeping on the couch. Just sleep here.” Jinsol said again.
“But-” You tried to resist but Jinsol pulled your hand even harder.
“F-Fine…” You said as you gave up and sat beside her on the bed. You were hesitant to do so, your king-sized bed feeling like it was too small for the both of you.
“Just lay down! I won’t eat you.” Jinsol teased.
You laid down slowly, feeling like you were going to melt and sink into the bed. Once you got comfortable, Jinsol pulled the blankets over the both of you.
“Goodnight, baby brother.” Jinsoul said, giving you a kiss on the forehead and then turned on her side, facing herself against you.
“G-Goodnight, n-noona..” You said, trying to stop your rapidly hardening erection below from waking up because of the perverted thoughts you were having.
After around twenty minutes, you still couldn’t sleep because of the close proximity between you and Jinsol. You looked to your side and saw her sleeping soundly. You couldn’t deny how pretty she looked while sleeping. After some time and your erection teasing you, you managed to fall asleep.
//timeskip//
It was now 6 AM.
Jinsol felt a weird sensation all over her body.
She was heating up from head to toe, but it was not due to a fever.
Her bottom was where most of the warm and weird sensations were coming from. She felt that something hard was touching her. She tried to move her hips around and suddenly moaned. She quickly stopped, afraid that her moans would wake you up.
She doesn’t know why, but the thing that was touching her clothed vagina felt good. She felt herself getting wet because of it as well. She wanted to get up and inspect what exactly was touching her. But then she thought about you, so she scrapped the plan and decided to just see what was going on.
She slowly opened her eyes. It was dark but she could still see a little bit. She looked at her back and to her surprise, you were hugging her tightly. Your face was close to her neck and your right hand was at her waist. Moreover, the thing that was poking her was coming from you.
Jinsol smiled.
The truth was, Jinsol also has feelings towards you. The person that she described earlier in the evening was you. She always loved how you were nervous around her. Sometimes, she would touch herself after she secretly caught you staring at her body. It was like this for two years until you and she went your separate ways to pursue your own careers.
And now she was here, visiting you with one goal in mind. To actually confess her feelings towards you. She was going to just confess normally. But now, she had an even better idea due to this newfound situation.
She slowly gets off the bed, removing your hand away from her waist. With her off the bed, your body laid flat just how Jinsol wanted. She gets on top of the bed again and crawls in between your legs towards your crotch. Throughout all of this, you were still sleeping heavily.
Now at your crotch, Jinsol licked her lips. She was finally getting ready to do the thing that she had been longing for. Thankfully for her, you were wearing baggy pants so Jinsol had no problem removing them and your underwear in one swift motion.
Your hard cock sprang out, almost hitting her in the face. Jinsol’s pussy was drenched at this point, seeing all the possibilities that she could do with your cock. She slowly strokes it, hoping that it would wake you up. But being the heavy sleeper you were meant Jinsol would have to try harder.
After stroking your cock for some time, Jinsol licked the tip that was already leaking with precum, making you moan a little in your sleep. Jinsol kept licking the drenched tip until she saw you moved slightly. Eventually, she got her wish as you woke up.
“Ugh….huh? Noona what are you-” Jinsol quickly put her finger on your lips.
“Shh, baby. I know you have been wanting this.” Jinsol said in a seductive tone.
Without any hesitation, Jinsol took your shaft into her mouth. You instantly moaned at the contact, pleasure washing over your body as Jinsol kept sucking your cock gently. You couldn’t believe that your step sister was so good at giving you head. She then stopped sucking and stroked you slowly. 
“You know, I have been eyeing you for quite some time, baby. You might not know this, but I have caught you staring at my body a bunch of times.” Jinsol said while teasing your sensitive tip, flicking her tongue against it. You felt like you were in ecstasy as she stroked your cock and teasing your tip.
 “Sorry, n-noona..I can’t- ughh…h-help it..you’re too hot- oh my god..” You tried to answer but failed as the pleasure overwhelmed your senses.
“Tell me, what do you like about my body?” Jinsol said, stroking your cock faster.
“E-everything….” Your cock was twitching at this point when Jinsol suddenly stopped, causing you to whine.
“Come on, baby. Be more specific or else I won’t let you cum.” Jinsol started to stroke your cock again at a delicately slow pace.
“Your t-thighs. I love how delicious they look.” You said. You were getting used to her strokes, causing you to throb in her hand.
“Mmm, more?” Jinsol began to stroke faster.
“Y-your ass. I just wanna spank it every time I see you w-wear shorts.”
“You gotta have to work for that, baby. More.” Jinsol strokes you at an even faster rhythm.
“Your abs. I really like how sexy your a-abs look when you wear crop tops.”
“Thank you, I worked really hard on them. Last one, baby. Don’t stop now, you’re almost there.” Jinsol was now stroking you at max speed.
“Y-your b-breasts. I could suck o-on them all d-day.”
“Good boy. Now, for your reward.” Jinsol took your shaft into her mouth, starting from the tip.
You immediately moaned. Jinsol starts bobbing her head on your cock, taking it inch by inch. She gripped your thighs while you ran your fingers through her blonde hair. Eventually you hold the back of her head with both hands, the two of you are deeply absorbed by the erotic act. You mentally counted the seconds that passed, wanting to see how long she would be able to hold you for. Jinsol shakes her round ass as you force her head deeper. You felt her throat make contact with the tip of your cock, causing you to let out a wordless scream of pleasure. After about twenty seconds, she releases your cock. Gasping for air and a generous amount of saliva dripping from your cock and her mouth, she giggles in satisfaction. Your brain was beginning to overload from the pleasure. 
Jinsol’s panties were drenched with her juices since she started. While she was sucking your cock, her hand slowly went inside her panties. You saw what was happening and took advantage of it.
“Noona..let me help you out.” Jinsol understood what you were trying to do and eased her mouth off your cock, causing you to whimper. She turned around so that her hips would be up against your face. You got to work by pulling her shorts and her panties off in one motion, mirroring what she did to you.
“Impatient aren’t we?” Jinsol said and returned to slobbering on your throbbing cock. Tossing her shorts and panties on the floor, her beautiful pink pussy was glistening with her juices, making you drool. You dive right in, licking her clit like it was your last meal. Jinsol moaned loudly on your cock, adding on another layer of pleasure. You grabbed her thick thighs to get a better grip while eating her out.
Both of you were a moaning mess. Jinsol was bobbing her head on your shaft while you were eating her pussy out. Jinsol started to fondle your warm balls, raising the volume levels of your moans. You weren’t one to be defeated so easily, starting to finger her drenched pussy with two of your fingers. She responds with an even louder moan than before, aroused by how you were giving her pussy your full attention.
Jinsol bobbed her head harder and faster on your cock, causing you to add another finger inside her vagina while licking her clit. You and Jinsol were sweating profusely, but it doesn’t stop the both of you from continuing to pleasure each other. Suddenly, Jinsol stops sucking you off and strokes your shaft hard.
“Baby, you’re so good at that. Don’t you fucking stop.” Her words made you move your fingers even faster into her. She replies in earnest by sucking your cock even harder.
Eventually, both of you can’t hold it any longer. 
“I-I’m gonna cum, baby! I’m gonna cum!” Jinsol said and continued her assault on your dick. 
“Me…too…” You replied back with a breathy voice. 
Jinsol came first, violently. She arches her back as the floodgates opened and you were rewarded handsomely with her sweet nectar. You tried to take it all in but she came so much that it was starting to leak out of your mouth and dripped onto your neck. Meanwhile, your cock twitches and explodes inside Jinsol’s mouth. She lowered her head and tried to take all your cum in but was unsuccessful because of the large volume of your load.
Both of you were struggling to breathe after your intense orgasms. Jinsol looks back at you and stares deeply into your warm brown eyes. She then removes her body off you and plops back on the bed. She kissed you on the lips. Each connection sent small jolts of electricity jolting through your body. The taste of her strawberry lipstick mixed with your cum was amazing. After making out for a period of time, both of you pulled back, leaving a trail of saliva.
“I taste pretty good.” You said.
“Yeah, I love how I taste too. Now, let’s-” You interrupted Jinsol by pinning her down, kissing her again, quickly grabbing her shirt and throwing it off the bed. Jinsol smirked and did the same, except that she ripped your shirt off you.
“You look good.” Jinsol complimented you, biting her lower lip as her eyes hungrily eyed your exposed body.
“You look even better without this.” You removed her black top to reveal her breasts that were being covered with a blue laced bra. Her breasts weren’t the biggest, but were enough for you to fully grab a handful. Your impatience took over your admiration of them and you pulled her bra off, exposing her plentiful breasts. Jinsol moaned over your actions as the cool nighttime air made contact with her exposed skin.
Now the both of you are finally naked together. You start off by kissing her cheeks, creating a trail as you make your way through her neck and eventually, her breasts. You immediately dive into her pink nipples which were already stiff. Jinsoul softly moans into your ear, enjoying what you were doing to her body. You sucked her left nipple, then moved to the right. The breast that wasn’t in your mouth was being fondled by your hand.
Jinsol was shivering with pleasure. She didn’t get relaxed, however. Instead, she reaches for your cock and starts stroking it. You moaned slightly because of her actions. After having fun with her soft flesh, you pepper her stomach with kisses and trace her abdomen by licking it with your tongue.
“Baby, do you love me?” Jinsol suddenly asked.
“Of course, noona. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” You answered with no hesitation.
“Then, prove your love by fucking me as hard as you can.” Jinsol’s dirty talk has made your cock throb even harder than before.
Fueled by Jinsol’s dirty talk just now, you turned her body around so her back was facing you and lifted her up so she was on her fours. Before lining your cock with her dripping pussy, you spanked her round ass several times.
“F-Fuck! Slap my ass again, baby.” Jinsol moaned.
You spanked her again and again, gaining a series of loud moans.
Your cock was now in between her dripping heat. It felt so warm, inviting. This was the moment that you have always been dreaming about and you don’t wanna lose this chance. You started by teasing the outside of her folds, collecting her nectar that was dripping. 
“Stop teasing me already, baby...” Jinsol moaned at the feeling of your hard cock nudging her entrance.
You grabbed her wide hips, aiming your cock and started to push into her slick folds. Both of you gasped and moaned. You never felt the feeling of a vagina before in your life and never knew how tight they could really be. You pushed into Jinsol even more, feeling her walls wrapping your shaft. Jinsol was lost in pleasure, leaning her head back and enjoying how you felt inside of her. Eventually, all of your cock went in. You savored the feeling of her plump ass against your crotch.
You slowly pull away from her pussy and stop before your tip comes out. You pushed into her again and repeated the process as the both of you were getting accustomed to it. You found a perfect rhythm and started to thrust into Jinsol. Her pussy walls felt warm with your dick embedded in her. Jinsol was a moaning mess, getting louder with each thrust.
“Fuck baby, you’re so big and hard.”
“You’re so fucking tight, noona.”
Slowly but steadily, you increased the pace of your thrusts. Jinsol’s erotic sounds were being an encouragement for you to keep yourself pumping into her. You love how cute she moaned for your cock and how gorgeous she looks being satisfied with your thrusts.
You fucked Jinsol even harder and harder. You wanted to kiss her, so you grabbed her shoulder and pulled her upright so that she’s leaning against your chest. You kissed her lips passionately. 
“Yes, fuck me harder. Turn me into your little slut, baby!” Jinsol’s words went right in your ear and of course, you followed what she said. Her walls were constricting your shaft even more. Your right hand reached towards her breasts, fondling it to give more pleasure to the woman that you love.
Her walls were becoming even tighter as you touched her breasts. Your pace didn’t slow down however, it was increasing like crazy, to the point where her ass is making clapping sounds with your crotch. Jinsoul was in euphoria, being a cute little mess. 
“Baby, h-harder please. I wanna cum all over your fucking cock.”
You put your left hand on her clit and rubbed it while thrusting even faster into her. Her moans have become music to your ears, giving you the strength to keep thrusting into her.
Jinsol then buried her face into the bed. Spreading her legs apart, you began thrusting inside her. You watched as Jinsol squeezed her tits, pinching her nipples as you fucked her hard. You made sure she could feel each thrust.
“Your cock feels so fucking good, I love it so much!” Jinsol moaned loudly, her walls squeezing the life out of your cock as you fucked her. 
Jinsol closed her eyes while she grabbed onto the sheets tightly, desperately hanging on while chasing her impending orgasm. You roughly fucked her as her body moved in time with your thrusts.
“Oh fuck!” She screamed as you held her body tightly in place, your hands making a deep impression on her hips.
“Baby, I’m cumming!”
Ultimately, she shrieks and came hard on your cock. Her walls tighten around you deliciously as you feel her juices flood your cock and begin to seep out, staining both of your thighs. You watched as Jinsol’s body trembled violently, her breathing becoming erratic as your thrusts gradually began to slow down in order to allow her to ride out her euphoric high. 
“Baby… that was amazing.” she said quietly, her mouth still open. You kept a tight hold on her as she struggled to catch her breath.
“I came so fucking hard...” She then looks back towards you.
“You haven’t cum yet, baby. I want your load deep inside of me, so come fuck me again.” Jinsol’s dirty talk reinvigorated you as you pulled out your cock from her and turned her around so that she was facing you. She was covered in sweat but still as beautiful as always. You were lost in her gaze for a couple of seconds.
“Noona, I love you.” You blurted out unexpectedly.
“I love you too, baby.”
You spread her legs to reveal her still dripping pussy. You put both of your hands beside her and lined up your cock with her vagina. Jinsol wrapped her arms around your neck, ready to receive your shaft.
“Ready?”
“Always.”
You pushed yourself into her slowly until your dick fully disappeared into her folds. Both of you moaned together at the euphoric feeling. You pull out from her pussy, leaving the tip and slamming her with a long thrust. She moans in pleasure of your cock being deep inside of her tight hole.
You started to fuck Jinsol in a slow pace. Words couldn’t describe how good the both of you felt fucking while facing each other. Her mouth was open, filling both of your ears with her lustful moans.
“Ahh, baby, I love how deep your dick is inside of me.” Jinsol moaned, her eyes rolling back because of the intense pleasure you were giving her.
“Your pussy feels amazing, noona. It’s so tight and warm.” You replied as you began to thrust faster into her. Jinsol was moaning even louder, following the rhythm of your thrusts. You lifted her feet up and placed them on your shoulders, allowing your cock to enter her even deeper.
Jinsol’s breasts were jiggling up and down and you couldn't help yourself from grabbing onto them while you fuck her. She was obviously aroused by this as you took her right nipple into your mouth. Your pace was getting even faster as the wet sounds of your crotches hitting each other could be heard.
Jinsol suddenly grabbed onto your back and scratched it with her nails. You moaned at her action and the erotic act caused you to pound her even harder. Her juices were splashing against both of your crotches, allowing you to slide in and out with ease. Her pussy was getting tighter and tighter as you pound into her. The only sounds that were being heard in your room were wet flesh and your bodies clapping together.
You thrusted into her as hard as you could. The room felt cold because of the rain outside, but you and Jinsol were drenched in sweat from the heat your bodies were producing. How Jinsol was moaning because of your dick, how warm and tight she was, how her breasts were jiggling up and down while you thrust into her, all of it was too much for you to handle.
“Harder…” she said, sweat dripping off her body and onto the bed sheets. Her eyes slowly began to droop lazily as she struggled to stay conscious.
“You’re so fucking deep, baby. Oh my god...” She cried out, surprising the both of you as she was still able to form coherent sentences. Eventually, that same sensation in her stomach came to her once more.
“Baby, I’m cumming again!” Jinsol screamed.
“Cum…I’m cumming too, noona!” Your words came out in between each breath.
“Yes, cum inside your noona baby!”
Jinsol’s loud screams and your harsh groans reverberated around the apartment as you fucked her until the pressure building inside you released. You suddenly felt a knot in your stomach, marking your inevitable end. You kissed Jinsol before you exploded all your load into her warm cavern, causing her to have another orgasm. You slowed down your pace and thrust deeper into her so your cum can reach deeper into her cunt. Both of your toes curled from the pleasure as your cock throbbed and released several weaker thrusts inside Jinsol. Her body was still shaking from the aftershocks when her body collapsed on top of yours, your cock still inside her.
After a minute of Jinsol milking everything out from your cock, you pulled out from her, watching how the mixture of your cum and her juices was leaking out from Jinsol’s delicious pussy. You laid down beside her, breathing heavily with your cock glistening in the nighttime light.
“Baby, that was amazing. You fucked me so well.”
“Yeah, it felt great…”
“Uhh, noona? Are you okay? I kinda smacked your ass hard just now.” You asked quickly after, a bit concerned after what you did to her.
“Ahh you’re so silly, baby. Of course I’m okay! I love it when you smack my ass.” Jinsol laughed after her statement. The room went quiet for a moment.
“Noona?”
“Yes, baby?”
“Do you really love me? Not just because I’m good at sex?”
“Baby, I have loved you since the beginning. Not because you have a big dick or you were so good at eating my pussy. It’s because I love your personality and how great of a guy you are. The other things are just a plus.” Jinsol said while staring at you. You were staring at the ceiling to avoid meeting her gaze out of embarrassment.
“…Thanks, noona.” You slowly looked at Jinsol and hugged her. Jinsol reciprocates the hug while smiling. After hugging, you looked into each other's eyes. You both then kissed passionately, not caring what the consequences that the both of you were going to face. After a tender makeout that somehow lasted thirty minutes, Jinsol speaks up.
“Now, let’s clean up, shall we?” You both got off the bed and Jinsol dragged you by the hand into the shower of your room. She turns the shower heads on before stepping into the bathtub and holding onto your hand for you to enter as well.
The warm water calms down your aching muscles from the act earlier, giving you a sense of relaxation. It then becomes scalding hot, making you remember how much Jinsol loved hot showers. Once both of you were fully wet, she grabbed the nearby loofah and poured some body wash onto it. A lightbulb was turned on in Jinsol’s head, and so she decided to put on an erotic show for you by lathering up her deceptively curvy body with the soapy loofah. Her hands went up to her breasts, groping them gently and teasing her nipples until she felt your cock becoming hard again in between her thighs due to the close proximity between you two.
“Baby, you just came two times and you’re already this hard again?” She teased, biting her lower lip.
“I can’t help myself when there’s a beautiful naked woman with me in the shower.” You replied, making Jinsol blush.
“Alright, let’s clean you up.” 
Jinsol took her time in washing you, making sure every inch of your skin is covered in the lavender scented body wash. As she traces the loofah, drawing her name on your chest and down to your stomach, she stops on your lower body. Holding your cock in her hands, she runs the loofah across it, creating a tingling sensation in your body. Jinsol smiled as she slowly began to stroke you while softly biting your nipples. You let out a moan because of the stimulation and slowly move backwards until your legs bump into the edge of the tub, making you sit down on the cold and slippery surface. Then, Jinsol straddles your lap and your hard cock pressed against her stomach as she gave you another passionate, lust-filled kiss.
You finally break the kiss when you both feel too lightheaded and need oxygen. Jinsol does her best to catch her breath, her pink lips slightly puffy and her cheeks flushed. She was the most beautiful woman in the world in your eyes and there was nothing that could change that.
“I thought we were gonna get clean-ahh…” You were cut off by Jinsol’s lips finding their way to the place where your lower jaw and neck meet, nibbling on the skin as she leaves hickeys behind, marking you as hers.
“But I want you so bad, baby.” She murmured just loud enough for you to hear, causing goosebumps to form on your body and your cock to throb against her stomach.
Wrapping her arms around your neck, Jinsol lowers her body as she guides your cock back inside her. The two of you moaned as she slowly lowered herself onto you until she had reached your base completely. Jinsol watched you close your eyes as her tight, velvety walls wrap themselves tightly around you once more. She began bouncing her body up and down, her ass jiggling each time. Her body unconsciously tightens her muscles around you, providing a feeling you couldn’t put into words.
“Noona…do that again.” You breathlessly said.
Jinsol clenched her vaginal muscles around your cock again, tightening you in a firm grip and earning herself your cries of pleasure.
Your hands rested on her cheeks once more, watching Jinsol bounce on your lap. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head when you accidentally discovered a certain sensitive spot within her. With each roll of your hips, you make sure to hit that pressure point.
“Fuck, that feels so fucking good.” She moaned when you took her erect nipples inside your mouth, gently biting on them and mirroring what she did to you.
“Yes baby…” She said as her stomach began to feel heavy, the knot inside her twisting. You continue pounding her newfound sensitive spot, feeling Jinsol’s sharp nails raking your back with scratches as her body trembles with an arriving orgasm.
“Baby!” She screamed repeatedly. You continued rocking Jinsol back and forth and side to side as a way to prolong the duration of her impending orgasm.
“Baby, please...” She begged, blowing hot air gently into your ear and encouraging you to keep going. 
Her eyes fully rolled back into her head as your hips crashed against hers. The water was no longer burning hot, but neither of you cared about the temperature change - only focusing on each other. Jinsol felt so comfortable on your lap and in your arms that her eyes began drooping.
“N-Noona, I’m cumming!” You said, the only semblance of a warning as you made a powerful thrust deep inside her pussy. Your cock throbs as her tight, velvety walls clamped onto your dick. You began pouring hot, thick semen inside Jinsol which once again causes her own orgasm to occur. Both of you are moaning loudly in satisfaction.
“Ahh fuck baby...” Jinsol moaned as it seemed like her body’s default reaction to her orgasms was for her eyes to roll to the back of her head. Her body wriggles in pleasure as she continues lacing together incoherent moans and explicit syllables that made no sense.
Slowly lifting up her hips, you watched as thick gobs of your semen and her juices slowly dripped out of her freshly fucked pussy. You were surprised you were still able to release such a large amount of cum due to your two orgasms that you had earlier. When the two of you are finished, you both catch your breath as she leaned down and gave you tender, passionate kisses. Jinsol is fully satisfied, happy to be in your arms again. But this time, it had a different, a more special meaning. 
After spending two hours having sex in the shower that ended up being dirtier rather than getting clean, you and Jinsol quickly get dressed to go to Seoul to drop her off because she had planned to go shopping with your mom. She didn’t bring any clothes with her, so she borrowed some of yours. She wore one of your hoodies and a pair of shorts that complimented her figure nicely. When she came out from your room after dressing up, you instantly chuckled at how cute she looked wearing your clothes.
“You look so cute, noona!”
“Of course, your noona looks good in everything. Let’s go now, I don’t wanna be late.”
“Okay Jingolas-nim!” You said to her and opened the front door for her. She just glared cutely at you and went out the door. Meanwhile, you smiled, thinking how your life is complete with the newfound existence of an intimate relationship with your stepsister, Jung Jinsol.
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ariddletobesolved · 4 years
Text
Days We Spend Under the Sun (Ten - End)
Written for @helsa-summer-event ❤
Fandom: Frozen
Genre: Romance, Family, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Whump
Rating: T
Summary: Summer is not her favourite season, but a certain Admiral from the neighbouring kingdom is going to change that.
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Brace yourself for a long arse chapter, and maybe a little cheesy (idk). This is the last chapter of this AU (feeling emotional already, lmao). Sorry it took a while, I've been dealing with several things, but here I am. I won't write too much notes, as I've prepared another post just for that. Thanks for reading and supporting this AU. Enjoy!
Prompt 7: Free
Chapter Ten
"I don't know if I can do this."
Hans sighed as he put down the small box on the wooden table, pushing it closer to the queen's direction.
From her seat behind the desk, Anna gave him a look. She raised an eyebrow in confusion.
"Would you care to elaborate?"
The former prince pinched the bridge of his nose, before turning to face the queen.
"I don't think she'll say yes." He replied, his hands clasped behind his back as he stood up straight. "We haven't been courting for that long, and the past we shared—"
"Yes, yes, I'm aware." Anna calmly interjected. Her hands were in her lap, eyes darting from the box towards him. "But you seemed so eager and determined a week ago, what changes?"
His jaw clenched, for the vivid memory of his dream last night came crashing at him, flooding his senses. It had been two months since the last time the nightmare occurred, about him, standing in the pool of blood on the slowly melting fjord, gazing at a pair of dull blue eyes that stared back at him. Elsa was dead, and he would become king like he wanted. The ice beneath him thawed, and he fell into the cold water. That was when he woke up, gasping for air, only to see Elsa, alive and murmuring sweet nothings to his ear. Realising that it was all just a dream, he pulled Elsa into his embrace, muttering how sorry he was.
It was a vision of what could've been, had he succeeded in ending the Eternal Winter by going for the source of magic. Even after years of punishment and redemption, the guilt was still there, eating him alive. Had it not been for Elsa's comfort, Hans wouldn't have known how to keep going.
"Hans?"
"I was a monster." He gulped. "Maybe I still am, knowing that some people still don't trust me. And for that, I know I'm not worthy of your sister's love, or anyone else's."
"You were." Anna grabbed the small box and a roll of parchment, then getting up from her chair. "Hans, you'd wronged me. I won't sugarcoat it. You left me to die in that room, you deceived me, and you were out to kill my sister. I admit, I took great pleasure when I punched you in the face."
The whole time, Hans didn't even flinch. He knew what he had done wrong, he was aware of that, and he would forever regret it.
"So I've noticed, even after all those dark months, some people still refused to look you in the eye, not wanting to acknowledge you as a person." She walked over and stopped before the tall redhead. "I did that too when you first came here after years. Elsa was the one insisting to lock you up, but I didn't see the point. There was something different about you."
When a roll of parchment was offered to him, Hans frowned. "Why are you doing this, Anna?"
"As much as I'm doing this for Elsa, I also believe you're not the same person who came to Arendelle with an ambition to become king." Anna spoke, her gaze showed kindness. "I can see that now, and it's not only because you won us war.
"That Prince Hans of The Southern Isles, who had a miserable childhood, dying to prove himself to his father and twelve older brothers, who attempted to marry into the throne to become king and was willing to commit a murder to fulfil such an ambition, was a failure. He wasn't born evil, yet he had failed to stop himself from being blinded by ambitions, and his tragic past doesn't excuse what he did." She paused, thrusting the roll onto his grasp. "But the man standing before me right now is not him. I trust you understand what I mean, Vice Admiral." Anna smiled as she mentioned his new title.
There was a beat, before Hans asked in disbelief, "They approved?" He unrolled it and began to read its content, green eyes were scanning the words over and over again. 
"It was a long discussion with Captain Larsson, but apparently, some people already accept you as one of us, even Admiral Goran." She was relieved and worried at the same time. She knew Hans doubted himself, at least she had heard Elsa mentioned it to her a couple of times, but she also knew that the two of them—Elsa and Hans were madly in love with each other. All they needed was a little push. 
"Hans," Anna called, and immediately, his attention was on her.
"Thank you so much! I don't know what to say, this is," Hans beamed, "does Elsa know?"
"Not yet." The strawberry blonde smiled. "I figured you'll be the one telling her, as planned."
Realisation began to sink in and he pressed his lips in a tight line. "Right."
"You're doubting yourself, aren't you?" The queen studied him closely. "I see how you look at my sister, and how she looks back at you. I know Elsa, and I've never seen her being this happy—different kind of happy. You might not notice it, but she is glowing whenever she is with you. She cares about you, and I know you care about her, a lot, I may add."
"Do you really think so?"
Anna rolled her eyes in a playful manner. "I know so!" She pressed the small box gently on his hand, and gave him a little push. "Now go and propose to my sister. You already have my blessing, and that means you have one less thing to worry about."
The gesture from his, hopefully, future sister in law brought a smile on his face. Hans glanced at her, feeling grateful for her kindness. He firmly held the box in his right hand. The queen was no longer that naive little princess, who would marry a man she just met because she was desperate for love. She had grown into a compassionate and caring Queen of Arendelle, whose prosperous reign was equal to her predecessor, her sister. Whether it was motherhood or her kind nature, he didn't know.
"Thank you, Anna." Hans didn't know if hugging the queen was the best move, so he went to shake her hand. But Anna, sensing his hesitation, pulled him in a quick hug.
"No, thank Elsa." She said, holding him by his shoulders. "I might be the one who opened the door, but she was the one who let you in."
The former prince nodded. The sisters' kindness was obviously contagious, and it was a part of several reasons why he wanted to change for the better.
"But," Anna said, her tone turned dramatically, "if you hurt my sister, I won't hesitate to punch you in the face, again, and I'll make sure that your nose wouldn't be the only thing that's broken." 
Hans gulped. Of course he knew better than causing the Snow Queen any pain. He nodded.
"Now, go!" Anna smiled, pushing him towards the door. "You have a date to attend. Also, it's a perfect place for a date in this castle, so might as well, not spoil it."
"Okay, okay."
"Oh, and Hans?" Just when he was about to close the door, she added, "welcome to the family."
Hans couldn't stop smiling. A sudden surge of confidence boosted through him, as he made his way towards Elsa's room. With a ring in his pocket, a bouquet of her favourite flowers and a new dress for her in his grasp, he began to think of how their day would proceed. If Anna was right, and Elsa said yes, Hans would be the luckiest man alive, he knew that for sure. Standing before the wooden door, he composed himself. As he turned the bronze handle, he heard voices talking.
"Oh, I don't know what he is planning, but I heard him talking to Anna about dresses and flowers." It was Olaf. "I hope he is not planning something bad."
Hans was frozen on the spot. Did the snowman think that he had a bad intention towards Elsa? He knew Olaf was probably not making any sense, but it was enough to make him think of the worst.
Elsa chuckled. "Olaf, why would he plan something bad with dresses and flowers? It sounds like something romantic, but I can be wrong."
It was a relief, but gone was the confidence he brought along as the next question came up.
"You said he had a nightmare, Elsa, what was that about?"
There was a silence, thick and hostile, from where he was standing. Doubts began to cloud his mind, as he wondered what she might be thinking. Not wanting to wait any longer, he pushed the door open. 
Her beautiful smile was the first thing that greeted him. Still dressed in her nightgown, Elsa looked radiant, as she sat on the bed with a breakfast tray in her lap. Olaf beamed and waved at him.
"I wish they would allow me to join you for breakfast, since I'm feeling much better now." Elsa sighed when she saw him walk over. "What do you have there?"
Hans flashed her a smile, settling the neatly folded dress over the chair nearby and put the flowers in her grasp, before leaning in to kiss her lips.
"Presents." He let out, sitting on the bed next to her.
Olaf nudged her, "See? I told you!" The snowman then collected her tray, before getting back on his feet. "I think I'll leave you both to it. See you later!"
Once the bedroom door was closed, Hans put his hand on her thigh and squeezed it lightly. At the gesture, she let out a giggle, before shoving his hand off. "Hans, no!" She smiled gently, cradling the bouquet close to her chest. "Thank you." Fondly, Elsa admired the bouquet, inhaling the familiar scent. "It's lovely."
"I'm actually planning something for the both of us." He stated, tucking her loose blonde strands behind her ear.
Eagerly, her blue eyes widened with interest. "Really, what is it? Are we going to go sailing?"
Sailing was his previous plan, indeed, but since Elsa was only recovering from her fever, Hans decided that they should stay in. He didn't wish to cause her any more harm than he already did, although the rising temperature wasn't exactly his doing. Besides, if Elsa said yes to a lifetime with him, it means that they would sail forever in holy matrimony.
"You'll see," was all his reply.
Moments later, Elsa and Hans were standing on the balcony at the back of the castle, facing the perfect view of the open sea. Anna was right, Hans thought, it was a perfect place for a date. A table for two was set up, with cakes, a teapot, two cups, and some boxes of chocolate were served on the table. A bouquet of heathers was placed in the middle.
Elsa could recall how many times she would go there in between meetings when she was queen, just to allow herself to think. She loved the view, the blueness of the ocean, and the gentle caress of the wind, they offered her comfort. It was rather quiet, even during the day, but at least she wasn't alone this time.
Hans held her close from behind, one hand was holding the railing, and the other was around her torso. His mind wandered back to the conversation he had with Anna. He would never forget her generosity in giving him the chance to prove himself that he was capable of growth—the chance not everyone would grant him. She allowed him to stay in Arendelle, to serve in the navy, so he could be close to the love of his life, despite the dark past they shared. Then he began to think of Elsa's silence when the topic about his nightmare was brought up.
"You're quiet." Elsa stirred in his embrace and turned to face him. "What are you thinking about?"
"Things." He said, before letting out a sigh. "I'm sorry, Elsa, I shouldn't have ruined it for you. We can have some tea and chocolates."
Hans was about to move to the table, when Elsa stopped him. "You didn't ruin anything at all. I was only wondering why you were quiet." She paused, eyes were never leaving his. "Would you like to talk about what's troubling you?"
"What makes you think it's troubling me?" It was a little defensive on his part.
Elsa frowned. "Your reaction right now is what." She blinked. "Is it your nightmare?"
She wondered what made him act so defensive. The past few days, Elsa noticed how he had been acting strange, and she was under the impression that he was hiding something, but what? That couldn't have had anything to do with the recurring nightmare, could it?
"Hans?"
Ignoring her, the redhead let go of her hand, before turning around. He pulled out a box from his pocket, admiring the diamond ring inside. Oh, how he wished everything was easier for him.
"You've been hiding something." It was loud and clear in his ear. "What is it?"
"Nothing." He muttered, still with his back facing her. Putting the box back into his pocket, Hans looked back.
Thoughts were running through her head, and some of them weren't pretty. "Are you doubting us?" 
"It's not that." Hans shook his head. The frown on his face deepened.
Elsa, growing frustrated as the second passed, looked away. Her cheeks were flushing as anger began to build up. "I can't believe you don't even trust me, especially with whatever it is you're hiding."
"It's not that simple, Elsa." He took a deep breath, rubbing his face in an equal frustration. "You don't understand."
"Then make me!" Elsa pressed, taking a step closer. 
Her fingertips were cold, as she tried to contain her powers from exploding. She breathed heavily, the storm in her chest was raging, but there was something in his emerald eyes—remorseful and sincere—as she held his gaze. Closing her eyes, Elsa tried to calm her mind. Anger was never a solution, and one of them should hold their ground if they wanted to carry on with the conversation. Perhaps what he needed was comfort.
"Hans," The former queen called, after another minute passed with silence. She looked up, staring at him with her blue eyes, while holding one hand out. "Come here."
When Hans took her hand, Elsa immediately pulled him into an embrace. She wounded her arms around his torso, resting her cheek against his shoulder. Gently, he returned the gesture and pressed a kiss on her temple. Nothing could top the feeling of holding each other close, getting lost in the comfort.
Closing his eyes, Hans breathed in her scent. Maybe asking her wouldn't hurt, he thought, and he shouldn't be selfish if he wanted to take their relationship one step ahead. And with a determination, he let out, "Kaere."
A beat.
"Yes?"
He took a deep breath, still holding her hand. "I need to tell you something."
Taking one step back, his knee bended slightly, and Elsa tried to stifle a gasp. Is he going to propose? She thought, is this what he has been hiding from me? Her pulse quickened, anticipating what was about to come. Elsa didn't see that coming, but for some reason, she was glad.
The former queen was no fool, and she frowned when she saw him stand up straight. She put two and two together, and realised that he had been doubting his own self. She knew about his nightmare, and how remorseful he had been. To see him looking unsure brought a pang on her chest. She couldn't wait any longer.
"Marry me." Elsa blurted out.
Stunned. Her words got him frozen on the spot. Hans stood there, dumbfounded. Marry me. Those words echoed in his mind, and he had to blink to make sure that he wasn't dreaming. Did she just—
"Hans?" She whispered, taking a step closer to cradle his head. "Are you—
But before she could continue, Hans captured her lips with his. Gone was the hesitation, the doubts that had been haunting him, as he got lost in the passion. Her lips were firmly pressed against his, as if she tried to give him a proper reassurance. He held her close by the waist, as he deepened the kiss, savouring the taste of her tongue, before they pulled away.
"Is that a yes?" She asked breathlessly, smiling ear to ear, pressing her forehead against his.
"Kaere," Hans couldn't contain the joy. He let go of her waist, and held her hand. With a surge of confidence, he got down on one knee. "Allow me to do it properly."
He pulled out the small diamond ring and held it up. 
"Elsa," he began, "I know I'm not worthy of your love," seeing the look of disapproval on her face, Hans gave her hand a gentle tug, "hear me out, please?"
"Okay." Her heart swelled inside her ribcage, and warmth overflowing in her body. She nodded.
"I know I'm not worthy of your love," he repeated, "forgiveness, even a second chance. What I've done in the past is unforgivable, and I'm accepting that.
"But you, Elsa, you have given me the chance to get to know you, and I'm grateful for that. Anna, Kristoff, Olaf, and you are the kindest people I know. You have shown me kindness, and for that, I'm forever grateful. I love you, min Kaere, and nothing will ever change that. I've never felt this way before, and you don't know how hard it was to deny it. Because loving you feels so right, but also wrong at the same time. Our union is frowned upon because of our past, but we've proved them wrong."
"Hans," she gasped. Her eyes were glassy with tears at his confession.
"I have nothing grand to offer, and I may be pushing my luck, but," he paused, looking at her with sincerity, "Elisabeth," he gently said, taking her by surprise at her given name. "Will you marry me?"
Her vision got blurry with tears as she stood there. It was too much for her, the love and joy that she felt was overwhelming, but in a good way.
"Yes." She nodded furiously. "God, yes!"
He slid the ring on her finger, and got up to pull her into his arms. He spun her around, burying his face in the crook of her neck. There were sparks in his chest when he heard her giggles, and realisation began to sink in. They're engaged.
"I love you." He put her down, so they were standing face to face. One hand cradled her head, with his thumb rubbing her cheek gently. "I love you so much."
Elsa smiled, giving into his touch. "And I love you too, so very much." She covered his hand with hers, as she pressed a gentle kiss on the heel of his palm. "Don't ever doubt yourself, okay? You are worthy."
Hans nodded slowly. "Forgive me."
"It's okay." Elsa nuzzled his nose. "There's nothing to forgive."
"There's also another thing." He began.
Elsa tilted her head with interest. "Yes?"
"I'm staying." Hans smiled. "This time for good."
"Hans, what?" With her mouth agape, she gazed into his emerald eyes, searching for any hint of mischief, and when she couldn't find any, she blinked. "I don't understand."
He led her to a chair nearby, and helped her sit, before seating himself next to her. Taking her hand in his, Hans pressed his lips over the knuckles.
"So, I might have asked Anna a favour just about last week. I was applying for a vacant spot in the Arendellian Navy."
It did not take her long to guess. "The Vice Admiral?"
The redhead nodded. "Yes."
"And you got it?" This time, she was smiling.
"I did."
Elsa didn't know what to say. The news was another thing she didn't expect to hear, and it seemed as if her day couldn't get any better.
"It's," the former queen paused, "wonderful! I'm so happy for you, truly."
She cupped his face and showered him with kisses, from his forehead to his temple, then his nose, and down to his lips. Wrapping her arms around his neck, Elsa settled on his lap. She nuzzled the crook of his neck as he held her close.
"I'm so glad to have you home, Hans." She murmured.
"Home?"
Elsa nodded, looking up to him, fondly. "You're here now with me. We are home."
Home. He liked the ring of it. Elsa had been his safe haven, and then she was his home. In the end, things were working out just fine, and they were both alright.
"Thank you, Elsa."
"Hmm?" She eyed the new accessory on her ring finger with a smile, before darting her attention back to him. "For what?"
Hans felt his heart swell. He pressed another kiss on her temple. "For letting me in, and giving me a second chance." And he would be forever grateful for that.
Quietly, Elsa settled back in his embrace. Her blue eyes were gazing far ahead at the open sea. Once in a while, she stole glances at the symbol of their union, and she realised that the past few days they spent under the sun were leading up to that very moment. How their story went as the time passed, she would treasure that, and despite the rocky path they had to take to get there, Elsa regretted nothing.
Suddenly the future didn't seem to be uncertain. Hans is staying, and we're getting married, Elsa told herself. That steadiness, something to hold onto, was all she needed. And forever with him, she couldn't wait to spend.
END.
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