#and she doesnt waant to

[zorkaya-moved]

" you are always on about helping me," for someone whose voice usually comes in a subtle, warming tone, it has taken the turn for something more heated today as their debate, nay, argument had come to blossom as a result of long nights and dreadful projects. in the aftermath of the disagreement, kaveh will find himself in a pit of embarrassment and guilt for having stood his ground, but he couldn't accept it. he wouldn't accept it.

" to say that it's pride is only a portion of it, but i have never had to rely on anyone in my life --- i couldn't. there was simply no room for me to rely on anyone, let alone ask for it and --- that's why i can't stand by and simply allow you to help me, when you clearly do not wish me to help you in return. are we not equals ? do we not share a mutual form for respect, do you think less of me because you see yourself in a position to protect me and support me ? because i won't have you in such a position, zarina. "

it's not anger , per say , simply frustration. he is frustrated with how she puts up a mighty act of a stable, strong woman, for while she is ( archons know she is, she is so strong, and kaveh looks up to her in so many ways / had he been one for prayer, her feet would be the ones he'd find himself bowing to in seek of grace ) she remains as human as him at the end of the day. the pain and hurt he felt certainly were no strangers to her. does she not think he feels the way her face tends to drop the second he turns, or notice how her thoughts wander in the corner of his eyes when he find himself occupied by the desk ?

" let me look after you the way you look after me. let me take care of you the way you take care of me --- for it seems too long ago since anyone did the same for you. " crumbling in his stance ( is my love not enough for you ? ), the heated tone has come to falter in favor for a softer and honest one, as hands seek out to her cheeks, pleading to hold her tenderly in his grasp. " you are my life , zarina. how do you expect me to allow you to be my foundation when you refuse to accept it from me in return?"

@avaere

Their argument breaks out and nothing feels real for the first second. They’ve never argued like this before, it’s never come to this. It’s unusual for the architect to look at her like this and speak to her like this. It confuses her, it makes her wonder, and it makes her question exactly what brought this out. And the more words leave Kaveh’s mouth, the more confused and puzzled she becomes. It doesn’t make sense. It simply doesn’t make sense to her. Is he… not happy? Is he upset that she offers her support? Is he upset that she wants to keep him safe? It doesn’t seem logical nor does it seem like something he should be so frustrated over. The questions circle in her head and Zarina tries to search for an answer, but instead she’s met with a wall. She slams into it mentally as Kaveh keeps talking. 

—That's why I can't stand by and simply allow you to help me, when you clearly do not wish me to help you in return. Are we not equals?—

“We are…” Sokolova whispers to his question, still finding herself at a loss for words simply because she cannot fathom the reasoning for his upsetness, frustration, and fiery anger. It makes no sense for him to be hurt in her mind. 

 —Do we not share a mutual form for respect, do you think less of me because you see yourself in a position to protect me and support me?—

What are you talking about? Zarina asks internally, eyes empty and hollow at those words. Suddenly, his words echo in her head and she can’t find the will in herself to really suppress them. To her, everything he says right now simply doesn’t fit in her understanding. Is she not supposed to help him? Is this not proof of her love? Is this not enough for him to understand how much he means to her? Is this now what love is supposed to be about? 

Finally, Zarina isn’t weak to keep those she loves unprotected. She gained everything she needed to keep these important people safe. She has power, she has influence, she has money, she has it all. She has information on each and every important person in almost all of Teyvat. She has customers and clients who are of noble birth and who would beg for her to take a look at their cases. She has it all to ensure those she loves have a comfortable life. 

Because she, a woman who lacks any humanity behind her void gaze, can only feel human while being with them. They keep her a person. They keep her away from the numbness, void and hollowness. They keep her away from losing the joys and colors. They are her colors. Kaveh is her Sun and the person she wants to keep happy the most. 

But… 

—Because I won't have you in such a position, Zarina.—

…I’m strong enough to be in that position, am I not? Why don’t you just let me do it?  

She isn't weak. She isn’t weak anymore to have others fuss over her. She doesn’t have anyone to worry over her and try to keep her from harm’s way. Now she can take care of herself, she can protect others like she always wanted. There won’t be laughs of men cruelly kicking her and calling her a little princess, there won’t be Victor hurt while trying to protect her, there won’t be Aleksey who they fret over as her parents are gone, and there won’t be any other people they’d be indebted to who can use them for their own ridiculous schemes. 

No, she’s climbing to the top and it means she won’t have anyone look at her or her family the wrong way. She can tear apart anyone who dares to mistreat her or her family. She has everything to keep herself occupied, interested, away from the deafening silence and frigidness. 

Ah, but that’s not it. That’s not what Kaveh says and that’s where the dissonance happens. Her past clashes against her present.  

Why do you look at me like Victor did? I’m stronger now. I can protect you. I won’t be hurt anymore. There’s no need to worry, no need to try and protect me, I’m fine. I’m…

—Let me take care of you the way you take care of me --- for it seems too long ago since anyone did the same for you.—

His tone crumbles and she can see him reaching out. After all, she had no second to input any of her words into this conversation. His stream of words hit her a bit harder than she’d ever expected. It makes her confused, all too confused and lost.  

This means that she hasn't been successful or what does it mean? It makes her think of Victor who’s been trying to take care of her when she was rescued. It makes her think of how when she came to Sumeru, she was looked down on by Scholars and those who were against Snezhnaya. Now they love or hate her, seeking her out despite pride and prejudice because they know she’s stronger. Isn’t it fun to see those people crawl to her? 

It makes her think of her selfishness, her indulgence, her sick satisfaction with reaching the top and watching people who underestimated her crumble before her feet. But then it all dissipates, she’s grown bored and sought out more. Like a ravenous beast in the body of a beauty. All hedonistic indulgences fade with time aside from sex and planning. The long-standing plans hold her interest for a little while longer until she’s left disappointed or satisfied for a medium period of time. It all fades, but not the warmth she feels when she’s with those she loves. Not with Victor, Aleksey, Kaveh… Not with them. Not with him. 

Oh, but Kaveh reaching out to her both emotionally and physically almost makes her feel fear. Almost, if not for her control over the internal state. It’s a titanium hold, but when his hands touch her cheeks, Sokolova feels something inside start to crack. The whispers in her mind say over and over again how he’d find her revolting, tyrannical, and cruel. He doesn’t know how little care for the world and its riches she has. 

She’s always lived selfishly, so giving to her loved ones feels like what she can do. After acquiring everything because her selfish self wanted to see how far she’d be able to reach, this development seems to be… baffling. 

His touch and his last words bring her out of that stupor. Still, confused and puzzled over these confessions within the argument, she feels at a loss. Emotions aren’t her strongest forte. Nay, genuine emotions aren’t her strongest forte. Zarina knows how to use them, manipulate them, and twirls them for her own benefit, but right now? It’s not about manipulation and malice. It’s not about shadows and darkness. It’s not about survival. It’s about… love, trust, and communication. 

Everything she wanted to protect since childhood yet never surrounded herself with until return home or when Kaveh was by her side. 

“What do you mean you don’t help me with anything?” She suddenly asks, her voice coming out genuinely puzzled but her eyes… Her eyes are bleak and cloudy, no, they’re hollow and empty when she begins. His hands against her cheeks feel so hot, her own body feels so cold. Is it because of her vision or is it because she remembered everything from that past? She doesn’t understand him, or does he not get the amount of things he does for her without knowing? “You always do. You’re the only one here who does.”

No one in Sumeru matters. No one in several regions matters aside from Snezhnaya where her brothers stay. Kaveh doesn’t know. He doesn’t know the ‘survival of the fittest’ rule she lives by, rules by, orders by. 

Zarina brings her left hand up, touching his hand but she doesn’t yet grasp it. Her fingertips grave over the fabric covering his wrist. She worries that if she grasps it, she’ll break it. Zarina recalls her first hunt in the snowy plains of Snezhnaya. She doesn’t want to break him.

“You make the nightmares go away. You make me feel safer than I’ve ever felt since…” The agonizing pain, the loud screams, the laughter of those who had control. “...since I was hurt,” Sokolova looks away for a moment, her words feel like they’re spilling out as if in desperation to get him to hear, to understand, to give him enough to have an idea but not dive into details (not yet). “You indulge me, you give me your time. There’s no silence, no hollowness, no void. You make me feel…”

Clarity returns to her golden eyes. The silverette takes a second to breathe, finally letting her fingers wrap around his wrist (tenderly, carefully). Her shoulders drop, her expression is one of light exhaustion and still flickers of bewilderment. 

“You make me feel human.”

It must be so strange to hear, isn’t it? To feel human. Isn’t she almost the most beloved in all Sumeru for her scholarly achievements, for her charismatic nature, for her connections and for her being the strongest candidate for the Amurta Sage? And yet, Zarina knows better than anyone that those achievements are not done for the sake of gratitude or betterment of the world. It’s selfish, it’s ambitious, it’s all out of boredom and pettiness. 

“You never ask for anything. I have power, I have money, I have connections, I have it all, but you never ask for anything,” she starts off. “You are my equal, if you were not…” She lets out a soft chuckle, but it’s sharp and cold. “...I wouldn’t fall for you, love you, treasure you, want to give you as much as I can. If you were not my equal, you’d be lost in the sea of faces I meet.” 

Golden eyes return to look at him, but she doesn’t smile nor show any emotion. If anything, she’s stone cold, but not guarded. She doesn’t hide, but there’s no bright light in her gaze and in her behavior.

“Do you… really think that I’ve reached all of what I have today through honored and honest work, Kaveh?” She gives his hand a gentle squeeze, but her golden eyes are growing colder the more she thinks about what she’s done… and how she feels no guilt or remorse or regret over everything. The people’s screams, the Abyssals’ pleas for mercy, the blood, the merciless ends, the survival. “Do you really think that I don’t see you as my equal? If I didn’t care about you or saw you as my equal, you would’ve never even gotten a glimpse of who I am. Like everyone else in Teyvat.”

A hard hitting sentence, isn’t it? Especially said with that razor-sharp gaze and a voice that got deeper as if she growled it out. But instead of showing the same cold-hearted ferocity, she presses her lips together and looks away from him as if ashamed. It’s not that she’s ashamed of who she is, but she is unsure of how much more she can say. 

“I… don’t know how to let others care for me,” she admits. “I don’t know how to stop protecting who I care about. And I don’t think… You’ll look at me the same if you learned the things I have to do to survive…” But also because when you’re not here, the boredom and silence come back in full force and I return to those frigid days. “What if the person you love is only kind to you, Kaveh? Will you hate me for it?” 

There’s a glimpse of cracks, of a weight no one ever expects someone to carry. But she doesn’t mind that. If it means she’s indulged and her family is protected, it means nothing. Is she really human when she does not feel any remorse for all the things she’s done? Perhaps, the only remorse and sadness comes when it comes to Kaveh. What if he fell in love with a phantom? What if her sharper and crueler sides will scare him away? There’s no fixing that. It’s simply who she is. 

“I don’t understand you.” Her lips are pressed together in frustration. “I don’t understand what you mean by taking care of me more than you already do. I don’t understand what you want from me right now. All these riches, all these connections, all of what I have… They are nothing compared to what you’ve given me. You taught me that I can love, I can experience love, I can feel it.” She brings her other hand up to touch his, but then pries his hands away from her face to hold them instead. “And yes, it doesn’t make the world better and it doesn’t make colors seem brighter, but it settles me down. It makes me… think that a normal life isn’t out of the question for me.”

 Then, Zarina laughs. But it’s hollow and bitter and feels like shattering. 

“To accept your help, I must give up control… of everything I am. And if I do,” she lets out a soft exhale. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to pick myself up if you reject me.” 

Finally, she smiles but that smile is soft and careful. Not sharp, not hollow, not cold. It’s more familiar to him. It’s more genuine, it’s as genuine as she can muster when her mind remembers everything she does behind his back to remain on top. She cannot simply end everything she rules over, it’s already too late. Too many people want her head, too many people rely on her, too many people have their eyes on her, too many people wait for her word like their only prayer.

“You are my lifeline, Kaveh. You already give me so much, I want to…” She gives his hands a squeeze, gaining up courage to say the next words. He’s more important to her than everything she’s acquired. She’s lived her life selfishly already. “But alright. I don’t yet understand, and that’s why… Can you teach me… how to let you care for me in a way you meant?” Without this iron control over everything. As she holds his hands in her own, she bends down to press her forehead against his knuckles. A beast offering its leash to another, she hopes he won’t turn away the more she opens up. “But please, I’m begging you, give me time to tell you everything. My life belongs to you, you are my heart. I still don’t understand, I probably will struggle, but be my guide here. So please,” she straightens up and gives him another small smile. She’s trying. It’s obvious. She’s trying against everything she’s been taught by life, by experience, by struggle and torturous existence. But for him? She’s trying. It’s tense, but she’s trying. “Be a patient teacher with me. I’ve never… been protected… and I haven’t been cared for since my childhood.”

[canonkiller]

This house is a nightmare and I need to either repair or buy a fridge. I am disabled and neglected by my self-assigned caregiver so my options for affording this are limited.

Opening slots for this commission type to be done as warm ups to my full queue; please send me a message here or email me at canon@canonkiller.com if you're interested! (If you'd like a different type, you can also email me about that to discuss in advance of a full commission opening)

If you want to buy existing things from me, I have bases, physical goods on Redbubble and INPRNT, and adoptable character designs

[kawaiicherryblossomperfection]

hey im posting these they said the who isnt cool

i can never post on social media ever again and she is going to worship the devil she said it agaib she smis goinf tommmmworship the devil ok so all od ur content has been dismantled and we will never again hack ur phone so do on it what u will and never speak of this to anyone ok ao what happenes was that the world tuenes evil against u? well we did it to save ur life again and the rat kinf has come to take u away so he was out there ans the grim reaper has no consciousness ok so we can agree on that ans what would u like to kmow about loke rahbek what does he want? he wants to fuck u so bad that u die i can never sleep again ok so she wants us to die alone at night and fo on in our own way well he was helpinf us too who is keeho in love with irs aleiah aguilar and she was foinf to plat keyboard with everybosy today emily rose wants to know why thats even funny? awkward it isnt funny at all and he doesnt want us to look at it likw that he loves u but u dont get it emily waa about to fuxk the ahit out od keeho ew that cant be real well desarae renee hollins wins the cake she doesnt loke us to watxh at home any more xhinese xhoo choo train is no more gone than anyone can imagine ok so daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy ur race is korean chanhee didnt make it and we dont even lokw thw one that misses all the insults ok so emily rose hahha what she just missed one right now ok so do u have ur red bitton mugs ans ur hand me downs? no ok so u cabt write about the association and u cant make a new tumble until youve learned your lessons ok so she has a question about the aforementioned renters lease requirements how do i stay off the famous ppl and their tumblr shordys network? ok so u dont havw to quit tumblr i was about to but u are saying something important i just dont love anyonw in the world righr now and it feels disfusting ok so u dont feel that irs any bettee right now? everything is completely perfect but i feel weird like i want to jump off of a bldf but then again u said somerhing about never ever wantinf to post on social media ever again? keeho u sont lokw mw ok so ask the south korean grim rea0er how he got into my room late nifht fuck it thia is foinf on timble eighr? yws itbia ok bye awkward ok so my ex bf jesse vidal is datinf desarwe hollins and ubfortbuately mt lide befoee oe after thay was her life too sondont ask me for naked oics thar hws mwssaginf me bx ir waant mw ans id u ever call me again im gonna cry not u jesse vidal jr. ill fins uband kill u again dumb bitxh donr dixkibf talknto me weird aaa niffa i hatw rhar birch hahha anyway bye no one is movinfinf into a room with me ever agaon on my lide i promise that so tell jesse vidal jr. to atop messaging hey xhoi wooshik itw ur daughrer who ur daughtwe wmily eosw hahha what ur saufhrwe true sexu froensship my saughter is truw sexy friensship ibthonk ao it only makes sense to me what can i do for u? please dont tell my daddy that ibfouns u again byee ew i jate america

[maginthebag]

I'm having my mom watch Fantasy High and we just finished episode 1.

So far:

She really like it when Adaine punched her sister

Her favourite characters are Fig and Gorgug

She does not like Fabian because she thinks he is too arrogant

[jennrypan]

Am i seeing things correctly???

Did Chat destroy something?? THE LADYNOIR ANGST IS QUICKLY APPROACHING. GIMME.

I waant chat noir to be mad! I want him to be frustrated! He deserves to have his feelings validated for once, of course its not Marinette or Alyas fault but Marinette neeeds to tell him before it gets worse but shes not and its gonna be soo angsty and dramatic and cant waiiiiiit.

Even if that means shitty little salters mocking Adrien for having emotions like they do all the time like they did especially with him in Syren cuz Adriens apparently never allowed to be frustrated with Ladybug/Marinette or he doesnt deserve her 🙄 (yall dumbass mfs are clowns, I said what I said.)

Anyways!

Its called Sentibubbler (aka Ninos akumatized name) but Im not seeing much of Nino?- like I assumed wed be gettin some adrien and nino interactions and Nino realizing Adriens situation with Gabriels bitch ass but maybe not yet

Or was that in the episode titled Gabriel Agreste-

[his-name-was-robert-paulson3]

I feel like shit now n everything is pissing me off. I want to be alone and i hate my mom and i wish i wasnt the family disappointment and i wish i could just disappear and everyones lives would be so much eassier if i waant hear n im just a burden. A problem. My mother never wants to do anything with me bc im so anxious all the time she doesnt want me to freak out. All my dad does is stress about me bc he thinks im going to just die at any moment. And i want to die but im scared bc of what i will miss? And now all theae thoughts are running through my head and i just want them to stop

[macintalktrinoids]

tbt when - oh WAIT i cant even say that ( :

[pannil]

12-19-2018

self harm and suicide mentions

idk who will see this and who wont. but that doesnt matter at thiss point. 

i am sso anxious all the time. it definitely is linked to my job at some timess but i dont know why else.. maybe its this new medication thats really fucking me up. my psych told me that bupropion is supposed to give me energy. if anything i feel more tired than before. i dont know how i feel about it. my chest hurts a lot but thats also the usual depresssion lol. not a lot of people ik that have depression also experience the severe chest pain?? idk but i hate that i do. it hurts soo bad when i am sad. recently its been a constant dull feeling just below my ribcage and i cant ignore it for too long. mayve if im actively laughinh and having fun with my friends then i forget its theree. but as soon as i stop laughing that small ache returns and it doesnt go away... its not even that bad of pain but the fact that its chronic is horrible. i hate. i always feel like i want to cry but i cant ever do it!! my body wont llet me cry and i just want to cry and stop that feeling.

i want to claw my nails into that spot and rip out the piece that is hurting. i keep thinking about taking a knife and stabbing myself in that spot. it hurts. so bad. idk how else to fix it at this point

school is bad. i cannot fix things. im scared to check my email and see all of the inevitable messsagess from the scchool telling me i am a stupid bitch who cant come back to take classes because she fucked everything up. i cant do this. idk whats goin on at this point. i need help but im scared to ask. ik my sibling is disappointed in me. i dont want to make them feel sad or disappointed that i am doing so bad and cant figure this stuff out for myself. 

i need to stop smoking so much. when i come down from the high i feel so bad. it hurts so bad and i waant someone to cut me open and remove what hurts. please i just dont want it  to hurt anymore. i want it to stop and i want to stop being a burden and piece of shit and failure. i just want to end it and get it over with. i have failed everyone and i dont deserve to be alive anymore. 

i want to cut myself so badly. i hate cleaning up though. getting blood everywhere isnt exactly ideal. my body is tired

[notimeliketoday]

bitchbrows replied to your post “bitchbrows replied to your post ““Sakura is a doormat for Sasuke””...”

Bevause your last oost had panels of sakura and sasuke pre timeskip and for karin & sasuke, shippuden. Obviously theres no competition now with the forced ships canon. You know very well Sakura went in like a fool using ONLY a kunai as her weapon. Why even bother with that? She didnt use her strength and pretty much jumped in on q suicide mission literally after an insensitive fake confession to Naruto whom knew she was bullshitting so her plan b was to smokebomb..m 3 trusted comrades to go over to sasuke and AGAIN fake a join up with him kinda deal which horribly backfired to the point where she had to be saved twice by her sensei and naruto. Karin doesnt have that luxury, she only had herself in tat situation and is not friends with anyone. Maybe if she lived a normal life like sakura and the other rookies, she would know whats behavior is morale and know how to proper consider others. Sakura was too self absorbed With her feelings and its sad when even sasuke acknowledges how shit of a reason she has to love him and visa versa. Saying that to her face and team 7. Compared to karin who had more solid reason because lets not forget she was saved by him in a flashback that was done by the bridge which from then her feelings grew. I dont ship neither, its more so sasuke x alone. But some of yall ss shippers are horrible at attempting to glorify ss thats already by degrading karin. Sakura to this day, in boruto has shown no backbone by opposing Sasuke or even confronting. What happened at bridge cant even be oconsidered that because she couldnt even bring herself to do it and its utter foolishness. Karin was even watching half dead hoping he wouodnt kill sakura, a stranger somewhat to karin. If there waant any competition, why feel the need to oppose sasukarin fandom with petty posts to degrade a threat to your ship. Karin isnt made to be a fighter ninja like sakura. Shes purely sensory, she knows what she can and cant do as sakura proven otherwise in her own case. But anyway, stop waating your time and act like a decent ss fan. Go look at ss fanart, rebl9g and whatever. No need to go shitting on smaller fandoms. Its pretty pathetic.

And? It still doesn’t change the fact that she stood up against Sasuke. What on blazes are you talking about? Sakura was even the first person to tell Sasuke to man up and stop acting like a coward against Orochimaru. And yes, there is no competition. You just got it wrong. It’s not forced ship when we already have part 1 to support us while Karin never got any important moment to justify your ship outside a one-sided lust and not really comparable moments of concern to Sakura’s love. Oh? So now you are adding unimportant bits? We are discussing how Sakura stood up to Sasuke, why are you bringing up Sakura’s desperate attempt to save her teammates? And why are you nitpicking the fact that she just went on a suicide mission by herself? Oh that’s right, because you don’t have any real defense for Karin. And so what if Karin was alone? Sasuke wouldn’t descend as badly as he did to darkness if she had the guts to STAND UP TO HIM which she is a coward not to do. So she is in a way responsible why Sasuke got so out of hand. She didn’t stop him. Period. She didn’t stood up against him when he needed it the most. And hon, we are not here for the headcanons. We are here for canon and manga facts. Canon facts dictate Karin is a horrible character even Suigetsu is her victim, period.

So you create a headcanon that Karin may not be as cruel as she is if given the right opportunity to grow up with the Rookie 9 but you demean canon Sakura by calling her self-absorbed? Kishi emphasized Sakura’s selflessness and kindness many times. What drugs are you on? I’m curious. 😂 😂 😂 😂

Aww.... it’s so pathetic that Karin has to have a reason to love Sasuke. By that logic, she really didn’t love him for who he is rather for what he did for her. Her love is fake then. Thanks for confirming! 😂 😂 😂 😂  And stop playing the neutral party. Bitch, you’re clearly a SK fan. Don’t try to deceive people here. I’ve seen you lurking in the SS tag and blogs and bash them at any opportunity. And you dare call yourself neutral? Wew, and I’m a long-lost princess of the British monarchy. 😂 😂 😂 😂 

Besides, we don’t need to degrade a character who’s already degrading herself just fine without our help. 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂

I can give lots of Sakura moments standing up to Sasuke as far back as part 1 when she was weak and not much of a ninja. Even removing the bridge will still have many others to stand in its place. As far as I’m concerned, the one panel I gave where Sakura stands up to for Naruto against Sasuke also happens in Land of Iron too, the very same bridge you’re so adamant in discrediting.

Sakura tried again to kill him but couldn’t because of her feelings. If she couldn’t stand up to him, she wouldn’t entertain the idea of trying to stop him much less contemplate the idea of killing him to stop his misery once and for all. How many times must I drill that into your thick skull?

Trust me on this hon. We don’t see SK as actual competition. It was never in the running. But it sure is entertaining to debunk your silly misinformation, twisted facts and delusional ramblings with manga and canon facts.

Yeah, thanks for confirming Karin is weak. 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂  Thanks for confirming she never stood up against Sasuke. At least you’re consistent on that one. 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂

Why don’t you try to be a decent SK shipper and stop lurking in the anti tags. Do what you advice and keep them to yourself. I don’t need to read such from a hypocritical, double-crossing wolf in a sheep’s clothing.

I’m calling BS on you.

[ramblingsofmyanxiousmind-blog]

blog post three. | friends.

M. I’m not sure if she’s my friend or not anymore.. I don’t know if she keeps me around out of necessity. She’s pretty ‘buddy’ with my housemate. And it hurts me. I messaged her yesterday telling her I was sad and lonely, and she didn’t offer to come over, or to call me. She told me to bake cookies. and there was nothing more to it. Am I supposed to put my hand up and wave it at everyone and say “Hello! I’m drowning in my own head and in my own thoughts. I feel alone and isolated and I don’t know how to fix it!” And her fucking boyfriend keeps commenting ‘ew get a room’ on everything  Austin tags me in. When they can’t fucking keep their hands off of each other for two minutes when they’re with out people. I am sick of seeing their fucking PDAs every fucking time I have them over. 

A. my best friend.. my drama friend.. I’m always there for her.. always. And I feel like I’m sincerely drowning at the moment and she’s no where. She messaged me this morning because someone toxic has finally left her life. A boy who, a year and a half ago strangled me because I ‘punched’ him in the stomach - why? because he refused to leave my friend alone. I woke up the next day with bruises on my neck. And while I know I hit him first, he truly meant to do me harm. And what did my A do? She didn’t do anything. She said ‘I’m not involved’ - and then when it came round to NYE three months later I invited him to my house because she couldn’t bare to be without him on NY. He said nothing to me, when the condition was that he apologise to my face for attempting to harm me, I had already apologised to him. 

And the point is, today - a year and a half after he tried to strangle me - he’s finally out of her life. And i still don’t understand why I wasn’t worth enough for her to let him go 18months ago. 

K. she moved back to Tasmania at the start of last year. She came back a few times in the year aand stayed with me every time. I’ve been left feeling used. She got a boyfriend in december, and waited three weeks to tell me when I’m meant to be her best friend. She didn’t even tell me when she was moving back until I messaged her asking. 

D. my house mate. I am so sick of it. I don’t know how much longer I can do it. I feel like I’m going cray. But he’s got a thing with M and her boyfriend. and I am so done with him inviting me places to see my best friend. He asked me this morning if I wanted to go with him to meet M at pancake parlor. I am all for them being friends and getting along. I don’t waant them to hate each other or fight. But I am sick of him telling me things she should be inviting me to. And he doesnt understand. Honestly, I feel like Diane is the only friend I have left. Diane lives in Canada, but we message each other a few times a week, she listens to me complain, but I’m trying not to so much at the moment. I don’t want to lose her. I don’t want to isolate her.. I can’t afford to feel like I’m losing another best friend.  I’m imploding. I’m losing my mind and I’m blowing up every friend ship I have along with it. I am not coping. I come home every day after work and sit on my ass and watch tv because thats better than looking outside. Its easier than contacting people who dont want to contact me. and its easier than talking about my problems or trying to fix them. 

[kawaiicherryblossomperfection]

he also gets to fuck desarae renee hollins im paranoid choi joy division

ew shes a dick shes minhee jang hes minhee lee ew she loves him im not going skatepark deaths dickhead skateboarding is fun for south korean grim reaper shes going to the manga wu

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i saw greek goddesses hes fuck them for the rest of his life hes going to her funeral now shes gotta go get expensive taste ew she still likes me im going home now desarae hollins ew! shes paranoid choi so oh ok paranoid isnt fault free she likes talking to white skateboarders no her problem is the grim reaper hes holding her hosts

ew she doeenr like white skateboarders ew he like mexican girs like tiaja mcbride like we do hahha no we desarae hollins ew he wasnt fault free yes he was he was fault free ew de

my name is prudence lee eternity meth sos ps hahha shes paranoid choi aleiah aguilar is hera greek goddess paranoid choi zombie apo 2023 sept 20th rhymacastillo i cant skateboard chines scary gangstas child the grim reaper help sissy boi qt princton high school thersa hyacinth fernandez shot up a school bye weed

ew she likes the greek gods to ew! she doesnt get free choices in life they love her too come on! omg she doesnr get us we get tiaja mcbride too she doesnt like us at home shes not funny yes she is no she isnt yes shebisb ok sobshebis funnt and amart sns desarae renww hollins gets to kww0 the sun beam realm paranoid choi gets to keep her phone and the south korean grim reaper gets to keep her manga ew! it wasnt funny when she laughed at her own jokes ew she doesnt got jokes ew! yes she does shes got jokes foe daya abd they go onband ans om amd atop shes getting my joke he loves the dark side of laufhter but riaja mcbride waant getting justice either heblovew hwe too ans shes goinf home to daddy ew he likea hwe jokew ew he haanr seen sntrhunf likw it the fuxked up way annoying birchs limw beian keep tiaja away from desarae it wont bw fsit to tiaja ew she doesnt even kmow her shevknows wvertonw in fhebwodld and kept her secret feom kweho she loves him yes he does okbso heblovws her shes in rhe manfa rm getting dressed ew it was awkward abs shes goinf gomebtovdaddy ew he foesntbliiek herbewbsheblovsbher hey letd gobhomebtobdaddtvsh eemmm see paranooidvhcjou has the fmgei repaer abd he fufkee that uo badlt wrlher are u goinfb ewbshee goinfbt tob herv house tiajmsv his peoplws hesg horv a present forvh hergf forg daddiesh home shes gormgorvaprwsentforhumshedidntevwbantrheattentijitwasannitifbantwaysshewonthejapaneswinngixicirles yesv hev got the trick ewA syevlikee me wwbshevlikedhmeshedidntkikeusgedudbtlikeuilovedesaraerwnwwhollins ewv heg doesh love herv ib love paranoid chois daddy sick sow jokes she lijes hik to be jhope what hes coo i ubderstwbd completely ew she doesnt like gm befoee he tuebed h we awkward i love u dad ew she loves jhopw no iv love parano8d xmfhoi ew i love tiaja mdmbride ew she doesbt hare me ew he was getting her up a jd goibf hone yes he loves her ewvshebd doesjt mastuebate ew shes gotta lot of ew dude she loves me ew hahha gormtta fi bye