#and i am geting so emotional over it

[zorkaya-moved]

" you are always on about helping me," for someone whose voice usually comes in a subtle, warming tone, it has taken the turn for something more heated today as their debate, nay, argument had come to blossom as a result of long nights and dreadful projects. in the aftermath of the disagreement, kaveh will find himself in a pit of embarrassment and guilt for having stood his ground, but he couldn't accept it. he wouldn't accept it.

" to say that it's pride is only a portion of it, but i have never had to rely on anyone in my life --- i couldn't. there was simply no room for me to rely on anyone, let alone ask for it and --- that's why i can't stand by and simply allow you to help me, when you clearly do not wish me to help you in return. are we not equals ? do we not share a mutual form for respect, do you think less of me because you see yourself in a position to protect me and support me ? because i won't have you in such a position, zarina. "

it's not anger , per say , simply frustration. he is frustrated with how she puts up a mighty act of a stable, strong woman, for while she is ( archons know she is, she is so strong, and kaveh looks up to her in so many ways / had he been one for prayer, her feet would be the ones he'd find himself bowing to in seek of grace ) she remains as human as him at the end of the day. the pain and hurt he felt certainly were no strangers to her. does she not think he feels the way her face tends to drop the second he turns, or notice how her thoughts wander in the corner of his eyes when he find himself occupied by the desk ?

" let me look after you the way you look after me. let me take care of you the way you take care of me --- for it seems too long ago since anyone did the same for you. " crumbling in his stance ( is my love not enough for you ? ), the heated tone has come to falter in favor for a softer and honest one, as hands seek out to her cheeks, pleading to hold her tenderly in his grasp. " you are my life , zarina. how do you expect me to allow you to be my foundation when you refuse to accept it from me in return?"

@avaere

Their argument breaks out and nothing feels real for the first second. They’ve never argued like this before, it’s never come to this. It’s unusual for the architect to look at her like this and speak to her like this. It confuses her, it makes her wonder, and it makes her question exactly what brought this out. And the more words leave Kaveh’s mouth, the more confused and puzzled she becomes. It doesn’t make sense. It simply doesn’t make sense to her. Is he… not happy? Is he upset that she offers her support? Is he upset that she wants to keep him safe? It doesn’t seem logical nor does it seem like something he should be so frustrated over. The questions circle in her head and Zarina tries to search for an answer, but instead she’s met with a wall. She slams into it mentally as Kaveh keeps talking. 

—That's why I can't stand by and simply allow you to help me, when you clearly do not wish me to help you in return. Are we not equals?—

“We are…” Sokolova whispers to his question, still finding herself at a loss for words simply because she cannot fathom the reasoning for his upsetness, frustration, and fiery anger. It makes no sense for him to be hurt in her mind. 

 —Do we not share a mutual form for respect, do you think less of me because you see yourself in a position to protect me and support me?—

What are you talking about? Zarina asks internally, eyes empty and hollow at those words. Suddenly, his words echo in her head and she can’t find the will in herself to really suppress them. To her, everything he says right now simply doesn’t fit in her understanding. Is she not supposed to help him? Is this not proof of her love? Is this not enough for him to understand how much he means to her? Is this now what love is supposed to be about? 

Finally, Zarina isn’t weak to keep those she loves unprotected. She gained everything she needed to keep these important people safe. She has power, she has influence, she has money, she has it all. She has information on each and every important person in almost all of Teyvat. She has customers and clients who are of noble birth and who would beg for her to take a look at their cases. She has it all to ensure those she loves have a comfortable life. 

Because she, a woman who lacks any humanity behind her void gaze, can only feel human while being with them. They keep her a person. They keep her away from the numbness, void and hollowness. They keep her away from losing the joys and colors. They are her colors. Kaveh is her Sun and the person she wants to keep happy the most. 

But… 

—Because I won't have you in such a position, Zarina.—

…I’m strong enough to be in that position, am I not? Why don’t you just let me do it?  

She isn't weak. She isn’t weak anymore to have others fuss over her. She doesn’t have anyone to worry over her and try to keep her from harm’s way. Now she can take care of herself, she can protect others like she always wanted. There won’t be laughs of men cruelly kicking her and calling her a little princess, there won’t be Victor hurt while trying to protect her, there won’t be Aleksey who they fret over as her parents are gone, and there won’t be any other people they’d be indebted to who can use them for their own ridiculous schemes. 

No, she’s climbing to the top and it means she won’t have anyone look at her or her family the wrong way. She can tear apart anyone who dares to mistreat her or her family. She has everything to keep herself occupied, interested, away from the deafening silence and frigidness. 

Ah, but that’s not it. That’s not what Kaveh says and that’s where the dissonance happens. Her past clashes against her present.  

Why do you look at me like Victor did? I’m stronger now. I can protect you. I won’t be hurt anymore. There’s no need to worry, no need to try and protect me, I’m fine. I’m…

—Let me take care of you the way you take care of me --- for it seems too long ago since anyone did the same for you.—

His tone crumbles and she can see him reaching out. After all, she had no second to input any of her words into this conversation. His stream of words hit her a bit harder than she’d ever expected. It makes her confused, all too confused and lost.  

This means that she hasn't been successful or what does it mean? It makes her think of Victor who’s been trying to take care of her when she was rescued. It makes her think of how when she came to Sumeru, she was looked down on by Scholars and those who were against Snezhnaya. Now they love or hate her, seeking her out despite pride and prejudice because they know she’s stronger. Isn’t it fun to see those people crawl to her? 

It makes her think of her selfishness, her indulgence, her sick satisfaction with reaching the top and watching people who underestimated her crumble before her feet. But then it all dissipates, she’s grown bored and sought out more. Like a ravenous beast in the body of a beauty. All hedonistic indulgences fade with time aside from sex and planning. The long-standing plans hold her interest for a little while longer until she’s left disappointed or satisfied for a medium period of time. It all fades, but not the warmth she feels when she’s with those she loves. Not with Victor, Aleksey, Kaveh… Not with them. Not with him. 

Oh, but Kaveh reaching out to her both emotionally and physically almost makes her feel fear. Almost, if not for her control over the internal state. It’s a titanium hold, but when his hands touch her cheeks, Sokolova feels something inside start to crack. The whispers in her mind say over and over again how he’d find her revolting, tyrannical, and cruel. He doesn’t know how little care for the world and its riches she has. 

She’s always lived selfishly, so giving to her loved ones feels like what she can do. After acquiring everything because her selfish self wanted to see how far she’d be able to reach, this development seems to be… baffling. 

His touch and his last words bring her out of that stupor. Still, confused and puzzled over these confessions within the argument, she feels at a loss. Emotions aren’t her strongest forte. Nay, genuine emotions aren’t her strongest forte. Zarina knows how to use them, manipulate them, and twirls them for her own benefit, but right now? It’s not about manipulation and malice. It’s not about shadows and darkness. It’s not about survival. It’s about… love, trust, and communication. 

Everything she wanted to protect since childhood yet never surrounded herself with until return home or when Kaveh was by her side. 

“What do you mean you don’t help me with anything?” She suddenly asks, her voice coming out genuinely puzzled but her eyes… Her eyes are bleak and cloudy, no, they’re hollow and empty when she begins. His hands against her cheeks feel so hot, her own body feels so cold. Is it because of her vision or is it because she remembered everything from that past? She doesn’t understand him, or does he not get the amount of things he does for her without knowing? “You always do. You’re the only one here who does.”

No one in Sumeru matters. No one in several regions matters aside from Snezhnaya where her brothers stay. Kaveh doesn’t know. He doesn’t know the ‘survival of the fittest’ rule she lives by, rules by, orders by. 

Zarina brings her left hand up, touching his hand but she doesn’t yet grasp it. Her fingertips grave over the fabric covering his wrist. She worries that if she grasps it, she’ll break it. Zarina recalls her first hunt in the snowy plains of Snezhnaya. She doesn’t want to break him.

“You make the nightmares go away. You make me feel safer than I’ve ever felt since…” The agonizing pain, the loud screams, the laughter of those who had control. “...since I was hurt,” Sokolova looks away for a moment, her words feel like they’re spilling out as if in desperation to get him to hear, to understand, to give him enough to have an idea but not dive into details (not yet). “You indulge me, you give me your time. There’s no silence, no hollowness, no void. You make me feel…”

Clarity returns to her golden eyes. The silverette takes a second to breathe, finally letting her fingers wrap around his wrist (tenderly, carefully). Her shoulders drop, her expression is one of light exhaustion and still flickers of bewilderment. 

“You make me feel human.”

It must be so strange to hear, isn’t it? To feel human. Isn’t she almost the most beloved in all Sumeru for her scholarly achievements, for her charismatic nature, for her connections and for her being the strongest candidate for the Amurta Sage? And yet, Zarina knows better than anyone that those achievements are not done for the sake of gratitude or betterment of the world. It’s selfish, it’s ambitious, it’s all out of boredom and pettiness. 

“You never ask for anything. I have power, I have money, I have connections, I have it all, but you never ask for anything,” she starts off. “You are my equal, if you were not…” She lets out a soft chuckle, but it’s sharp and cold. “...I wouldn’t fall for you, love you, treasure you, want to give you as much as I can. If you were not my equal, you’d be lost in the sea of faces I meet.” 

Golden eyes return to look at him, but she doesn’t smile nor show any emotion. If anything, she’s stone cold, but not guarded. She doesn’t hide, but there’s no bright light in her gaze and in her behavior.

“Do you… really think that I’ve reached all of what I have today through honored and honest work, Kaveh?” She gives his hand a gentle squeeze, but her golden eyes are growing colder the more she thinks about what she’s done… and how she feels no guilt or remorse or regret over everything. The people’s screams, the Abyssals’ pleas for mercy, the blood, the merciless ends, the survival. “Do you really think that I don’t see you as my equal? If I didn’t care about you or saw you as my equal, you would’ve never even gotten a glimpse of who I am. Like everyone else in Teyvat.”

A hard hitting sentence, isn’t it? Especially said with that razor-sharp gaze and a voice that got deeper as if she growled it out. But instead of showing the same cold-hearted ferocity, she presses her lips together and looks away from him as if ashamed. It’s not that she’s ashamed of who she is, but she is unsure of how much more she can say. 

“I… don’t know how to let others care for me,” she admits. “I don’t know how to stop protecting who I care about. And I don’t think… You’ll look at me the same if you learned the things I have to do to survive…” But also because when you’re not here, the boredom and silence come back in full force and I return to those frigid days. “What if the person you love is only kind to you, Kaveh? Will you hate me for it?” 

There’s a glimpse of cracks, of a weight no one ever expects someone to carry. But she doesn’t mind that. If it means she’s indulged and her family is protected, it means nothing. Is she really human when she does not feel any remorse for all the things she’s done? Perhaps, the only remorse and sadness comes when it comes to Kaveh. What if he fell in love with a phantom? What if her sharper and crueler sides will scare him away? There’s no fixing that. It’s simply who she is. 

“I don’t understand you.” Her lips are pressed together in frustration. “I don’t understand what you mean by taking care of me more than you already do. I don’t understand what you want from me right now. All these riches, all these connections, all of what I have… They are nothing compared to what you’ve given me. You taught me that I can love, I can experience love, I can feel it.” She brings her other hand up to touch his, but then pries his hands away from her face to hold them instead. “And yes, it doesn’t make the world better and it doesn’t make colors seem brighter, but it settles me down. It makes me… think that a normal life isn’t out of the question for me.”

 Then, Zarina laughs. But it’s hollow and bitter and feels like shattering. 

“To accept your help, I must give up control… of everything I am. And if I do,” she lets out a soft exhale. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to pick myself up if you reject me.” 

Finally, she smiles but that smile is soft and careful. Not sharp, not hollow, not cold. It’s more familiar to him. It’s more genuine, it’s as genuine as she can muster when her mind remembers everything she does behind his back to remain on top. She cannot simply end everything she rules over, it’s already too late. Too many people want her head, too many people rely on her, too many people have their eyes on her, too many people wait for her word like their only prayer.

“You are my lifeline, Kaveh. You already give me so much, I want to…” She gives his hands a squeeze, gaining up courage to say the next words. He’s more important to her than everything she’s acquired. She’s lived her life selfishly already. “But alright. I don’t yet understand, and that’s why… Can you teach me… how to let you care for me in a way you meant?” Without this iron control over everything. As she holds his hands in her own, she bends down to press her forehead against his knuckles. A beast offering its leash to another, she hopes he won’t turn away the more she opens up. “But please, I’m begging you, give me time to tell you everything. My life belongs to you, you are my heart. I still don’t understand, I probably will struggle, but be my guide here. So please,” she straightens up and gives him another small smile. She’s trying. It’s obvious. She’s trying against everything she’s been taught by life, by experience, by struggle and torturous existence. But for him? She’s trying. It’s tense, but she’s trying. “Be a patient teacher with me. I’ve never… been protected… and I haven’t been cared for since my childhood.”

[himemeiya]

Stumbled upon your blog yesterday and realised you were the one behind the Utena Bet On it AMV, plus all the other videos on that channel! I had a friend who had already watched RGU reccomend the show to me and when I finished the finale she sent me a bunch of videos, essays, meta, memes she really liked about Utena. Out of the videos your vine videos, your bet on it amv and your tiktok sounds utena videos all featured as Things U Gotta Watch. Top Tier. And they are! I cannot stress how good they are. I've got a friend I'm trying to get to watch utena and I'm already prepared to send your whole channel her way.

Like, your Bet On It amv is just crazy - to the point I associate the whole song with utena instead of high school musical. High School Musical Who? I have driven home from work with the song blasting and in my head I'm thinking of the corrosponding imagery in my head. listened to the song a LOT just thinking of the amv. 'blame the world but never blame you' and it focusing on anthy. the start 'everybodys tryna get in my head' with everyone who manipluates utena? the bridge speeding up through all their utena/anthys relationship until utena gets up again at the climax of the song? This video is a masterpiece.

The vines and the tiktok sounds are soooo spot on and hilarious. every onee. and seeing an upbeat version of 'empty chairs at empty tables' to the end of utena emotionally altered something in me oh my lordie. I got introduced to the song The Draw from your other amv, which is SO PERFECT for the black rose arc?

And as a Lizzy McApline fan the ceilings youtube short took me OUT! the way the details about the car, the lines about 'you dont exist' being applied to utena's prince/akio, 'story ive seen before' being the prince/princess/witch ohturi mythology and ending with anthy at the end....... !!!!

All this to say I love all your utena edits on youtube and will be watching them many times over, as well as showing them to other people. Great work. ╰⁠(⁠*⁠´⁠︶⁠`⁠*⁠)⁠╯

🥺 This message is so damn nice and I have reread it multiple times cause oh my god your appreciation of my videos just makes me so happy and I'm so glad you watched and enjoyed them!! 😭 The support I've gotten from the fandom is very heartwarming, I just love it!!!

Yes hehe I'm the one behind all those videos! The Bet On It video specifically was one that lived in my head for YEARS until I finally sat down and decided to make it everyone else's problem too 😂 I would just listen to the song on repeat while geting overly emotional imagining Utena's journey and the fact I was tearing up to a Troy mf Bolton song was so unhinged 💀 yet now look at me, I have spread my vision like a plague amongst the fandom and everyone else gets to be just as unhinged over the golf course disney movie meme song as I am ⛳️ I would have it no other way. My favorite comments on that video are the ones along the lines of "I clicked this thinking it was gonna be funny but now I'm crying" cause if that doesn't just sum up the experience of Revolutionary Girl Utena itself then idk what does 😂

RGU's tonal conflict is one of my favorite things so choosing goofy audios for the end of the show was such a treat lmfao. And ugh The Draw is just such a good and ominous song. I rlly love how the Black Rose arc is all about radicalizing character's emotions to the point where they'll do anything to get what they think will fix their lives. Reverse therapy with Mikage is a hell of a drug. 🦋☞

I rlly feel like Ceilings captures that self-sacrificial "first love" feeling so many girls go through (especially with men) where they're uncomfortable and can't be open but ignore all those red flags until it gets to a point where things crumble and they realize the relationship never existed how they were imagining it. GAH THE FEELINGSSSS.

Sheesh thank you so much again for this message, it really brightened my week and was so touching to read. 😭💜 If I may humbly offer some video suggestions (if you haven't already watched them) I really love the For Your Love amv by Mari F and the Utena in 7 Minutes amv by Akilice. The first rlly captures that melancholic yet hopeful tone of Utena & Anthy and the latter has the audacity to make me emotional over a goddamn acapella Hamilton mashup of all things 💀 (the It's Quiet Uptown part literally destroys me every time.....). Digi Story has an Utena Deep Dive Analysis that I really enjoy, he talks about how RGU is "prismatic" in it's storytelling where there's no singular interpretation because there's just so much to look at and analyze. And finally, the Therefore You and Me animatic by edsartfactory literally changed my life it's ridiculously good!!

AHH thanks once again and I hope you have a great weekend!! 💞

[scoundrels-in-love]

3 8 15 18 20 27 45 54 55 56 58 61 for the writer questions thing :3:3:3 <3<3<3

Hi loooove, thank you so much for asking. *cracks knuckles*

3. Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic An idea - ??nfjnidfjgnf??SF?FD?/???? - oh god, there's typo in the published version

It's... unfortunately not too far from genuine truth. Most of my writing is done in parts of daydreaming it up at work, before sleep, babbling to my friends about it and then wallowing when I actually need to put the words I already came up with on 'paper'. Often I overthink little details too much along the way, enough to get stuck.

8. Do you prefer the beginning, middle, or end of a story?

I am probably bad writer because I don't really view my stories in these segments, I don't plan the arcs and the build up with conscious awareness of storytelling as a method. I just go with the natural swell of emotions and events. The starting and closing lines are always hard, but that's all I define as beginning or end of story. Yes, I do worry if the closing part is satisfying and tells what I intended to, of course, but there's no strict divides in my head.

15. How do you write smut scenes? Do you get very visual or detailed? How important is it to be realistic?

I am writing about werewolves, plant genitalia and what borders as tentacle porn. Realistic is... Not really an option. Though I try to at least somewhat figure out what is physically potentially possible with their size differences, body builds and so forth. Sidenote, I can be picky about words I use in my smut, some I just don't think I'll end up using.

I don't have much of visual imagination or any interest in geting visual references for this that isn't like, fanart, so it's interesting exercise writing something that actually comes across as smut and could potentially be hot. I think I don't manage to convey it enough, but lot of what structures my smut is how characters feel about it, the specific acts and people involved in them. Or what they want the other characters to feel.

I am glad that several people have said that it's tangible these characters care from each other even on my purely smut writing, that gives me hope I am doing something right.

18. Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with titles?

I used to be borderline physically unable to write a fic until I had a title for it. Same as I needed a name for an OC. As if it was the baseline establishing everything, backbone of it. Over the pauses I've taken in my writing, this has gone away and I often leave the title as the last thing to work on, along with summary. Unless the piece is inspired by a song or poem, then that is one of the first things I do, still.

I almost always use lines from songs, sometimes it's genuinely a hassle these days to find one that fits the fic, the vibe I want to convey. I dream of being the face on your page (I want to hold you forever, I want a taste of the Good Life) took several fucking hours, I was driving myself and my sibling up the wall with it.

20. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

In Trigun, I feel a little limited in setting, because most things will either take place in saloon/bar, in the desert often localized around a car and maybe Meryl's apartment. At least most of the stuff I've written so far, since I've not been ambitious with tackling Ship 3 or many AUs yet. So, the repetition in that is partially from what I'm writing for. I do know I have soft spot of times where one character ends up inviting the other into their space - sometimes as simple as a hug and often, into their apartment, living space. Especially when there are feelings attached to it being potentially theirs or having been theirs. This follows through from previous fandom(s).

Like I joked previously, it seems one of Rainy's fic bingo slots could be 'a character cries' - I've never written crying so often as I do for Trigun, but it doesn't. Entirely feel out of character or misplaced, somehow. There's lot of traumatic events, all the time, that I end up touching in my writing.

Grief, overall, is definitely a theme. Not just people, but possibilities, too. A chance at happiness. At peace. Yearning for something kinder, better, sweeter. For each other. I ironically don't think I've earned my title of 'rated E for Extreme Yearning' in Trigun yet, but it used to be my brand.

I definitely use deliberate repetitions for sentences.

I use words like smithereens, curdle, hoard, abyss, stone/rock in chest and the like quite a bit. Other than that, I'd actually love to hear what my readers have noticed, I am sure there's more than that!

27. What is your most and least favorite part of writing?

I love, love coming up with new ideas, excitedly talking with people about plots, character behaviors, just playing out little snippets among friends. It's by far the best and easiest part for me, I can spend days doing just that.

The writing itself... Oh, that can be torture. Like extracting words one by one by help of world's cruelest dentist. When it goes well, I love it and get a high like I very rarely do, but often, it's just. The Worst.

45. Do you want to break your readers‘ heart or make them laugh?

I am not a funny person - at least not the sort of funny that translates well into fiction. I have had few funnier stories in previous fandoms, or at least parts that have funny adjacent lines and when people have enjoyed them and said it made them laugh, I treasure that. But it's not a goal I set out to have.

Also not breaking anyone's heart, despite what it seems. I want to provide catharsis, for myself and for reader if possible, and for me that is usually getting to the bottom of the painful and then exploring way back up or at least showing that there is one (eg. think Disconnect). I am not much of one for angst without happy ending, there's so much misery in life, mine included, that never has one, that I want to imagine and create one where I can.

Though if I make a friend cry... It is a notch in my mental post, not going to lie. Makes me feel like I managed to write genuinely.

54. What’s your favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?

Plotting, babbling, excited screaming with friends, for sure. Although very specific to fanfiction itself is seeing how to pick apart the world, the characters, transpose them into different situations, AUs, and make them still them. I love working out what makes them tick, what defines them and the relationships they have with each other.

55. Of the characters you write for, which is your favorite? Has that choice been swayed at all by your followers/readers’ reactions to certain ones?

I really enjoyed writing both Brienne and Jaime from my previous fandom, I found it satisfying when I could manage to create my own brand of Jaime's sarcastic, self-depreciating humor, the way he'd say one thing and mean another and sometimes put so much of him suddenly in it that people couldn't accept it easily. And Brienne was lesson in restraint - I wonder how I would write her now that I've allowed myself to... Well, more openly project my neurodivergency and depression onto characters. Write what I do know, not just reflection of what I think people are like from other people's writing.

Which is something I've been doing with Meryl. She is by no means me, or my self-insert into canon, but in the process of trying to understand her, I ended up allowing myself to give her some likeness to my aspects, to how I see and experience the world. And then it expanded to Vash and Wolfwood as well.

That'd be more physical descriptions of grounding via scratching when crying, Meryl's struggle of spoken words versus written ones, them all being aspec and struggling with understanding/being overwhelmed by emotions and attraction.

But back to who I enjoy writing the most - I really love writing Meryl and Wolfwood, though I always fear I am not getting Wolfwood's inner conflict, all the Christian stuff, right. I feel like he has to be more than I manage to write him as. More fucked up, more intense, more soft at his underbelly, more everything.

This is why Vash is lower on my enjoyment scale, too. I feel like he ought to sound and work more differently, being the hyper aware, hyper capable and at the same time, sometimes so silly, person he is. I enjoy writing him being perceived, but writing his POV can be very stressful for me, especially in situations where his competency and intelligence actually needs to be portrayed convincingly. /side eyes Love lives chapter 2

That aside, no it's not really been swayed by reader's reaction, though it has given me confidence, like when someone says I have given them Meryl centric writing they've been looking for.

56. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

Pride is a strong word, but I have ended up feeling close to pride for the way I draw comparisons, create similes, about or through emotions, use of nature metaphors and the like. I think it stems from my native language and the sort of things I grew up reading and listening to, but it is something I don't shy away from in fear of being too flowery. Not anymore. It's just how I write, how I see world and feel things and I don't want to go through process of censoring it.

58. What part of the writing process do you enjoy the most? (Brainstorming, outlining, writing, editing, etc) 

Brainstorming >>>> writing > outlining/editing

Outlining often makes me trip up over small details that I suddenly feel are as huge as as infinite wall and I generally don't outline more than loosely in my head, I get to meat of writing directly in my thoughts. Editing has habit of tiring me out when I have been struggling with some sentence and rewritten it like 5 times already.

61. Why do you continue writing fics?

It's a question I ask myself often. And when I don't have an answer, I fall off the face of earth and cease writing.

I think, in truth, I write, at least past the point of thinking about it in privacy of my own mind, for community, for people. It is not the right reason to write, it has burned me many times when I don't get the engagement I crave or I feel like specific person I had in mind isn't really keen on what I created, but it is mine.

Beyond that, I want to explore feelings, want to find, and if possible, give some catharsis or comfort. Every time someone tells me my writing resonated with them, they felt seen or heard through it, maybe it comforted them, I feel like the effort to write was worth it. So, I guess the short answer is: Feelings. Humanity. Connection. The fictional ones and the ones we create through fiction.

Send me fanfic writer ask?&lt;3

[aeslandsong]

so if you read my whole blog, you will come across my poetry. it was an attempt to try and be a support for people that were interested in my site www.aeslandsong.com but i would rather free write and be myself and make mistakes, even if i sound like an idiot. i know i can write well, but sometimes it's more fun to know someone's personality that's more so free flow and really them than constructed art that i put more thought into. what i experienced when i read over my blog is that is had a different tone and my therapy in writing it became therapy in reading it. it was a pleasant feeling and made me feel good as i know my regular journaling is immature and more so my playful self compared to my poetry. i just want to be me instead of trying to impress another person. and yes, i update a lot and yes i may annoy you because of it. i would rather be cuddling with someone right now but that's in due time. i've been complaining about wanting a boyfriend for awhile. if ur my bf, ur taking pics of me and we are going to monetize off of it, okay?!? unless you want to support me and my nudes can just be for your eyes only. i know i'm special enough to find a supportive partner. i know there has to be someone out there that loves me and is just not saying it because i may reject them. and i very well may, as i put out there what i'm looking for. if i had a crush on you in the past, i probably still think about you from time to time as thoughts drift through for me and they make me upset with how embarrassing i have been. yes, my heart aches over my past. i wish i didn't hold such attachment towards others that couldn't care less about me and just think i'm a stupid slut to them. yes, i see friendships online between people in person on social media and it makes me hold slight envy and think about how i don't have anyone like that dedicated to me and proud enough to show me off. i think i need to leave the area and make new connections. maybe i could find love in california, i've never been there but i've wanted to go for over a decade. why haven't i? my life was controlled by my mom and now it's controlled by the system. i live on a limited income. i am still of worth though, and i need to get better. i need to get healthier and to try and achieve my dreams of being in a relationship with another creative person that adores me and would do anything for me. i am cute as shit, just crazy. but i handle everything pretty well now. and yes, i'm cuter now that i hold stability and i'm losing weight everyday. i'm geting my hair done before i go out this weekend and i hope someone flirts with me and does it in a respectful way by just having a conversation with me and making me feel like a human being! all i want is respect, even if i do take racy photos and you think of me as sorta a slut. it makes me feel free to do it and that's why i do it. and i want to continue to do it, but i want someone to take my photos and videos instead and capture the best of me, especially once i reach my goals when it comes to being healthier. i don't want to settle for a bum, i want a real guy that can take the role of a proper emotional, physical, situational, and financial support system for me. if i had someone in my life that treated me with respect and kindness and loved me for me and WANTED to support me because they know i have a mental illness that's a special case to be considered on disability over it, i would exnay on the the content creation idea. but at the same time, it'd be fun to have my photo taken by my lover. i could keep it personal too, as i've been public about it seeking attention from someone when they were all just bums and not my type of person to even have a conversation with. i want my equal, just a better version and my perfect counterpart that fits me like a puzzle in all the places that need to be filled and are missing. i think that would actually make me feel whole.

[wonderwomanfantasy]

Today, Tomorrow, Forever.

Behold, the four AM dabi fic. Also this is the first part of a series so look out for the next part. Also Also, this is based on a lot of different books and shows so if at any point you’re like “hey this is just like X” you’re probably right. 

Dabi x Reader (not really in this chapter but we’ll get there)

warnings: swearing, violence, abuse, Endeavor, spooky shit, cannon divergence (Dabi is a good brother), this is a full AU so I did mess with the ages of the Todorokis,

words: 2,300

summary: Out of the frying pan into the fire, that was the expression right? leaving one bad situation into something much much worse? That’s where you were right now, in the fire. 

Sometimes it was hard for you to tell what was real, and what was fiction. Often you’d wake from a vivid dream and as you blinked the spots from your eyes and looked up at the textured ceiling of your bedroom, and for an instant, or in truth much longer than an instant, you’d still be there. In the dream. Then you would get up and you would remember, you were in your room, in your bed, in your body. At least that’s what it seemed like. 

Then of course there were the ghosts. You weren’t sure if the ghosts were reality or fiction, they seemed like a gray area between the two. Sometimes other people could see them, which lead you to believe they were real, but then most of the time it was only you seeing the figures and shapes, But that didn’t mean they weren’t real. 

All this to say when Enji Todoroki told you his house was haunted, you were surprised to meet someone so open to believing in ghosts. Of course, he rather quickly squashed that idea with the next words out of his mouth being “Those rumors are of course ridiculous but some idiots still believe it,”

“Of course,” you replied meekly, dropping your eyes from his stern gaze.  “Ghosts, real or not don’t bother me so that won’t be an issue, Sir.”

You needed the job, badly, so you were willing to lie. Enji was looking for a Nanny for his youngest son, you were looking to get away from where you were coming from, so you were both in a position to help the other. And the only catch seemed to a slightly haunted house. You could live with that, as long as your own ghosts stayed away.  

“When can you start?”

The Todoroki manner was a large one, Ornate and lavish if not old, clean and well taken care of it seemed, but empty. There was a housekeeper, a cook, a gardener, and a pool boy, all of whom seemed very nice but all of them seemed to slip into the shadows the moment you turned your back, and as it where you were to be the only one who lived in the manner full time, isolating you further. 

As Enji walked you through the home you couldn’t help but think that perhaps it was more than the ghost rumors that were keeping people away. There were framed photos on the wall, of Enji, his wife, and four children all of varying ages, you found it strange that none of them seemed to be here, save Enji and Shoto. 

Speaking of Shoto, You were warned about the scar that covered nearly half of his face, but the warning wasn’t enough to prepare you for seeing it in person, it took all you had not to gasp when you looked the boy in the face. Similarly, you knew that he was a quiet boy, but you hadn’t been expecting him to give you a single “nice to meet you,” then stay silent for the rest of your interaction. 

“He’s just a little shy, we’ll warm up to each other,” you assured, smiling first at Shoto and then at his father. 

Then Enji left leaving you alone with his son. You were awful with kids, terrible really and if you had had any other choice you might not have taken this job. You had no idea how to even begin acting around this kid. 

You decided to pull from what little human interaction you could and decided to treat him like a coworker. Right so what would you do with a cold coworker?

“Shoto, I’m still new so why don’t you show me your favorite part of the house alright? Then we can do something fun,” you offered. He thought about it and nodded. While he didn’t say anything just stood up and started walking out of the room. You followed him as he lead you out into the backyard there was a large grass field and a pool with trees lining the promoter. It was a warm spring day, but most of the trees in the yard were dead, not yet budding, still suffering from the harsh winter.  

Shoto lead you into a patch of trees further in the back of the field to a cluster of oak trees and you saw one had an old ropes wing hanging from the lowest branch. 

“You like to swing?” you asked and he shook his head

“No? Then why this spot,” you asked and for the first time since meeting him, he spoke

“My mom used to like this swing, she’d sit on it and read me stories,” he said, crouching down and sitting down on one of the roots of the old tree. You crouched down beside him.

“I see, so you come here to remember your mom?” you asked and he nodded silently. You took a shuddering breath and reached down the collar of your shirt pulling out a slender silver chain that held a locket, and showed the necklace to Shoto.

“I do the same thing with this locket, it helps me remember my mom too,” you said. 

“Your mom went away too?” he asked.

“Yeah, she got really sick when I was younger and, she went away,” you said, choking back emotion, you were surprised that talking about your mother still brought up this sadness in you, Shoto reached out and touched your hand. Almost like he was trying to comfort you. 

“We still see her sometimes, in the hospital, but it’s not the same,” He said quietly, a cold breeze passed over you, ruffling your hair and making you shiver. 

“That must be hard,” you said and he nodded, “why don’t you show me some of your other favorite places okay?” You said and he nodded. You both stood and walked back into the house, another shiver going down your spine as you tucked your locket back into your shirt. 

It only took you a week to realize that Enji Todoroki had never spent a day in his life with his son. While Shoto’s room was littered with sports equipment, soccer balls, baseball bats, tense rackets, all unused. 

Shoto liked the library, he liked to read and draw, he wasn’t a hard kid to look after, you would read with him, or fill in coloring books at his request, and often the two of you would walk around the field talk about the books he’d read. 

Sometimes Shoto would ask to see your locket, and you’d show it to him and you’d talk about your mothers together.

“Is there a picture inside the locket?” he asked and you winced, instinctually closing your fist around the silver heart. 

“No,” you lied, “the latch is broken so it doesn’t open,” you  said. He nodded and dropped the subject. You tucked the locket back inside your shirt and went on with the game of chess you were playing, losing badly to Shoto.

He was a good kid, and he opened up to you easily, which only solidified in your mind that Enji had never once tried to understand him but you weren’t getting paid to play family therapist. 

While taking care of Shoto was easy, living in the manner was anything but. The house was old and made a lot of creaking settling noises that never failed to make you jump. The rooms were dimly lit and furnished with dark wood making the rooms feel smaller than they where, making you clostrophobic.  Even though you had been living here for over a month now the lay out of the house still perplexed you sometimes, leading to geting lost in rooms you’d never seen before and would never see again. 

The rooms of the Elder Todorokis, Shoto’s brothers and sisters, always remained locked, not that you had ever tried to open any of those doors, the strage chill that seemed to emanate from that room was always enough to keep you away. 

All of that was annoying, chilling even, knowing what you knew. But none of it was unbearable, but the ghosts. The ghosts made you want to leave. 

Sometimes you would wake up with a transparent blue woman looming over you and you had to clap your hand over your mouth to keep you from screaming. She left as soon as you saw here, leaving you shaking. 

“I am in Todoroki manor,” you started shakily, touching a hand to the top of your head.  “I’m in my bed, I’m in my body,” you reminded yourself before collapsing back to the bed

 No one else seemed to be able to see the man in the kitchen or  the apparitions that plaied out side. So you kept quiet, and didn’t say anything. 

Some nights how ever, they kept you up. You would sit shaking in your bed, one hand firmly around your locket the other over your mouth while widows slammed open and things toppled from shelves.  While most of the ghosts in the house seemed docile there was at least one who wasn’t. This villant ghost never showed themself, until one night. 

It was pitch black when you returned home. You had been permitted to Take Shoto out of the house and the two of you had gone to a movie. 

He tieredly rubbed his eyes as you helped him out of his jacket. 

“Ready for bed?” you asked and he nodded. He took your hand and slowly you both made your way up the stairs.  There was a loud cracking sound and before you saw the heavy oak banister crack. 

You frose in place. Not now, you silently pleaded, not in front of someone else, you couldn’t contain your fear and still play it off as normal. You could smell smoke. 

Shoto suddenly gripped your hand tighter.  “We should run,” he said, could he possibly see what you were seeing?

Before you could ask him anything, the painting on the wall to your left fell to the floor with a crash, blood oozing out of the eyes of the people inside, Shoto screamed, and without thinking you lifted him in your arms and took off running. His short nails dug into your shoulders as he clung to you.  You saw a door cracked open and without thinking you burst into the room slamming the door closed behind the two of you and slumping to the floor, Shoto in your lap your back to the heavy wood. You took a look around assessing your surroundings and saw you were in Shoto’s neat and tidy room. 

There was another loud crash and you felt Shoto go stiff in your arms frozen in fear and suddenly there was only one thing you could think and that was oh god I have to protect this child I have to protect this poor poor child. You lifted him easily in his arms and marched to his bed, then you firmly removed him from your shirt and place him down.

“Hide under the covers, I’ll be right back okay?” you ordered, he looked terrified, he didn’t say anything just crawled under the covers. You spun around on your heel and headed to the door, picking up his toy bat as you went. Sure it was a toy but damn if you weren’t going to swing it hard enough to cause some real damage. And you barrage into the darkened hallway. 

At first, there was a disturbing quiet, just the labored sound of your breathing. “Don’t play coy now you son of a bitch,” you hissed under your breath. There was a groan and you whipped around seeing your ghost for the first time.

The first time you’d seen a ghost, and known it was a ghost, was when you were seven. You were five or six. You were in a park sat on the swingset trying to learn how to swing without needing to be pushed like the big kids did when you saw an old woman who had neither arms nor legs. Most ghosts were like that, half-formed, incomplete as if they had lost more than just their lives.

Not this one, however. You could see him perfectly from the tip of his spikey white hair down all the way to the clasps on his boots. He looked surprisingly like Natsuo, with white spikey hair, a lanky body, and angry eyes. Toya, he had called his dead brother. Toya was right in front of you now. 

This revelation paused you for only a moment before you glaired at the spectator. 

“Can you-” he began to speak but you cut him off by swinging the bat through his middle section, it passed through him harmlessly but you didn’t care you moved to hit him again. 

“Stop,” he growled and caught you by the thought, you gasped feeling his cold skin touch your throat, then his fingers clamped down choking you. He looked stunned, not that you really cared about whatever revelation this bastard was going through if he could touch you that means you should be able to touch him. You swung the bat again this time hitting his wrist knocking his hand off your throat, you stagged back and sneered at the ghost your heart pounding in your chest so loud you wondered if he could hear it. 

He, Toya, Looked at his hand flexing his fingers, then at you, then vanished. You whirled looking for where he would pop up next, but he didn’t appear. You rushed back into Shoto’s room coking him out of the covers and holding him while he sobbed. You might have cried a little too, it was hard to tell.

In the morning there would be bruises of fingers on your neck.

[kotoyin]

mental health stuff under the cut

i’m. struggling so much mentally right now. i can safely say that i am still like at 90% functionality in terms of day to day stuff, so that’s great! but in terms of my overall self esteem and like sense of wellbeing. i can feel myself sliding into the same levels of toxic shame and worthlessness when i was at my lowest and could barely leave the house.

part of this is all a big knock on effect of me loosing my grandad at the end of 2020. it happened pretty suddenly, and not two days after the UK went into it’s 3rd lockdown and work forced me to go and work in a supermarket stacking shelves all day. this was. unbelievably taxing on my mental health and my irl friends completely failed to support me during it. in fact, it almost felt like some of them actively resented me for grieving. a few of them actively turned on me, even. i can’t fully blame them, i wasn’t pleasant to be around during that time. they hadn't lost anyone close to them, they didn't realise how fucking mental grief can make you go.

that was. the most incredibly painful experience i had ever had in my life. i was so vulnerable and i felt as though they hated me for that vulnerability. for the first time in my life, my overexaggerated emotions didn’t seem like a part of who i was, but something evil that hurt people. i truly felt like an awful person at my core, the same way i had done in the lowest points of my life.

we’ve made up, but i don’t think they realise how traumatising the experience was for me. i’ve been. so much more reluctant about reaching out to people in general over the last year. and just typing this out i think it’s made me realise that the whole experience has made it difficult for me to trust people, to not assume that i’m burdening them and that they forget about me as soon as i leave the room. the people i loved and trusted the most in the world unfortunately were not able to support me when i needed them most and now i can’t help but feel guarded around people. i feel like nobody actually cares about me, and whilst i know logically that cannot be true, it’s not something i find it easy to talk myself out of.

i don’t like it, it’s not how i used to be and not how i want to be in the future. i want to get therapy to address it but geting mental health care through the NHS is a loosing battle and i’m worried i’m going to have to start paying for an expensive private therapist to sort myself out. which is not a prospect i love when i’m paid just £1.50 over minimum wage.

please don’t take this as like some WEH WEH PEOPLE AREN’T PAYING ENOUGH ATTEION TO ME thing bc like. i’m not sure if any amount of attention i get would ultimately help, this a Mentul Hellf going down the shitter issue. i just. honestly wanted to share this for my own sake. if you’ve ever been IMing with me frequently and then all of a sudden i just drop off the face of the earth for a month, that’s why. it’s 100% not you, it’s my brain eating itself. hopefully if i can convince my idiot psychiatrist to get me some CBT this won’t be an issue for much longer.

[travosti]

a little update on medications

sooooo hi yall i havent really done an update on pills i think since november or october of last year? so ill explain a little bit of the situation. 

my new psychiatrist is leaning me off benzos. for good. im happy but also a little less nervous than i should be. its not like im taking clona, im taking a pill thats less invasive, clotia (benzodiazepine), which is like clona but low key. after my period ends im slowly going to start transitiong my pill intake to 1/4 instead of 1/2 every day for maybe a week then stop taking them in two weeks. doctors orders, not that im doing it myself. a week ago i started taking a new medication called lamotrigine (mood stabilizer), and its been really lovely. i havent felt weird at all, i usually feel somnolence when i take new meds but not with this one. like. at all !!!!! so im happy because its a great sign i dont want to worry about. im planing to tell my psychiatrist that if theres a possible i can lean of mirtazapine (an anti depressant) because i feel like its not doing anything to me anymore as much as it did good things to me at the begining of 2018. i guess what im trying to say is, i have my ups and downs, truly. but my mental health compared from december to this year has gotten 50% better because ive been writing so much. ive been writing on my self help book a LOT and started to be mindful of my words and my actions. just a few days ago i had my first break down in a LONG time and thats good, because id have breakdowns at least once a week or would have constant panic attacks everyday. thats not the case anymore and i have faith that if i keep on doing this self help ill be able to do much more beautiful things in life like. a huge example of how writing has saved some part of me, is the fact i learned how to swim! and i wasnt capable of doing tht because of my irrational fear. i guess im geting outta line here but i wanted to share thjat. anyways. im slowly starting to lean off pills and my therapy sessions arent weekly anymore. my own therapist has seen ive been doing really good. im happy you guys. im really EXHAUSTED haha and still feel faitgued but i am happy and i want to normalize every emotion i have. i guess T has also been a huge impact to my mental health. if everything goes out well and i know stuff will go out well, ill be off medications sooner than id hope it to be. sorry for over sharing. i really needed to get this out and im happy to say that i havent relapsed for almost 3-4 months and i am just so at peace that ive fought those little inner demons in me that told me to take some benzos, and i managed and I SURVIVED. i love me and i love u guys sm thanks for reading :) 

[kaiju-z]

FINALLY back on track, after a month and a half of stuff getting in our way, but here we are with session 20!!!

Seon Adventures Episode 20: Going Solo...

With the passing of the night, comes the light of day.

The trio of Belli, Luctan and Mournimar awake alongside Morgan and the elf baby with notably Amelia, Archie, Burk and Rimefang missing. Luctan does elaborate where Amelia had gone, though it gets missed in the confusion when everyone wonders what happened with Burk.

Thinking quickly on her feet, Belli sends a message to Burk to check where he is. But all he answers with is that  Rimefang’s fine, don’t know where Amelia is.”

As Luctan fixes the baby up for the day, packing him like a little baby burrito (a babitto, if you will), the remaining bunch go upstairs, while Belli gives a call to Amelia. Amelia, who had been having the most wonderful of sleeps she has had since a long while.

“No.”

Belli sends her a message again with a whistle.

“No. Just no.”

Luctan has to repeat himself on where Amelia actually is, much to the amusement of the adopted duo.

As they climb up the stairs, everything seems normal and as expected from the previous night, people coming and going, welcomed and- And the party for some reason get approached by a very confused human, wearing the robes of the temple of Keemis.

Brunette, with an undercut, in his 30′s, scars on his arms and face, the kind man delivers a letter to the bunch, asking if they’re the Cultbusters.

“Are you the Cultbusters?”

“Depends on who’s asking?”- Belli.

“3 of them!”- Mournimar.

After a brief sibling argument about just up and telling people their identities, the man elaborates that the letter is written by Burk. Or. Well, he helped Burk write that letter for the party.

Mournimar is the one to read it to everyone else. All lower case, a lot of the words are misspelled.

“ hi. this is from burk. i am leaving now. ive been thinking and i think i do not need to be here anymore. i found one of the guys i was looking for and it was really easy and no ofense but i was hoping for cold hard killers and u r not. but you were all realy nice to me, nicer than any one has before so i am going to miss all of u very much. rimefang is coming with me because hes too cool for u. also i think hes geting bigger cause he started sheding or some thing i dont know. i left some scales for u, and ur share of the gold. there is a lot of stuff i wana go do and i feel bad draging u guys with me so i gotta go do it my self. but i want u all to know im not just going to kill people for me. i am doing stuff for u. For amelia and luc i am going to come back and we are gona have the best fight ever and learn a lot. For beli i am going to steal the biggest shinyest kazoo i can find. For morni i will stop punching wolfs and also be nicer to weird animals i find in the forest. u were all very nice and good with peeple and not good at vilence, and thats a good thing. but i dont fit in. bye for a while

 burk “

The trio are devastated. Belli is the most vocal, with Mournimar having to calm her down, while Luctan stands stoically, with the baby in his arm.

Burk left.

It’s heart breaking.

It’s heart breaking and the cleric tries to cast Calm Emotions on the lot of them to try and soothe their woes. Mournimar fails his save, Luctan doesn’t even try and Belli tanks that and starts shouting at him for imposing his magic on them, without their consent.

“Don’t you fucking dare try and tell me what to fucking feel.” -  She is emotion personified.

When things calm down, Luctan apologizes and asks for the messenger’s name.

“ My name is Malak. I am a Devotee of Keemis. I’ve been living here in this temple for a few years.” He had heard of the Cultbusters’ reputation and found interest and want to join them on their questing, seeing as they’ve stirred some cults out of their comfort.

Thrown them out of their rhythm, if you will.

He is accepted, Belli referring to him as their “intern” for now and, with introductions made, and Malak gathering his equipment, the bunch of them take to the last tavern they had gone to for breakfast and meeting back up with Amelia.

Amelia waits for them there. Nel had spoken to her about how she managed to get her mother to agree on leaving town for a while with the help of a family friend. And she had made some sort of offer to Amelia.

The group are again together at the tavern and introduce Malak. Amelia and Malak shake hands as a distraught Belli pays the tavern keeper to go and work the kitchen for a while.

Amelia encourages her. “The fact he wrote us a letter means he cared about The Cultbusters.” She gently holds Belli’s arm, ‘cause Belli’s abandonment issues have kicked in hard.

There’s stress baking and then there’s stress cooking. And Belli does this handily. And she makes... so much food! 1st, second, third Breakfasts, if those were actual things, of course.

“It’ll be alright. He had to do what he had to do.”

As Belli comes and goes with increasingly more and more plates of food, we end up talking about the baby and his future. The little elven boy keeps tugging at Luctan’s hair, fussing at him and getting fussed at.

A few suggestions get made. From Malak’s suggestion to raise the child in the orphanage, to the talk with Nel the other day, involving handing him over to a rich family.

The decision is hard to make. Whether he likes it or not, Luctan’s attached himself to the little one, but he knows he can’t keep him with the party as dangers keep increasing on their journey. He had been having waking flashes back to every incident since the child was with them and how scared he was from the screams and roars and hurts and aches.

He couldn’t let the baby travel with them further. He knew what he was going to do, regardless of where the baby went, but still.

Amelia catches up with Malak on his Keemis Clergy work.

 He’s been at this for 5-6 years or so. He heard about the party after the CB helped arrest the local cultists. He’s fascinated by souls and how they transition, based on their alignment. He’s searching for an answer to this question. Basically, he’s looking for research.

Amelia asks where he’s from.

“I’m from Lian. It is not a good place to raise a kid and I left home, got a lot of people from my home town killed. We wanted to leave, thought we’d make our own band of soldiers to fight in the war and I’m the only one left. And so I try to find some meaning in the senseless death and resurrection and ended up meeting some Keemis priests. Fell in with them and came up here.”

The gang try to cheer him up about his backstory woes and some end up sharing their own troubles. Mournimar does so. Luctan gives away the shocker that his family owned slaves and that triggered his sense of aiding those in need, freeing the captive ones and fleeing via teleport scroll.  And lastly Belli tells the tragic story of her family.

Doting on the baby commences, while Mournimar gives Malak some pointers on the shenanigans he is up for with Belli, now that he is part of the group.

Following their hefty meal, Mournimar gets his new armor. Better fitted than his previous one. Since he found it in the barracks??? This one is more custom. Studded Leather, which raises his AC + 1

Going back on forth on where to go next, during this tragic shopping episode, Belli shares Burk’s treasures with the cleric, seeing as he had left them for the rest.

Before anything can be really bought, though, aside of the meals, we go for the payment on the Serial Kilelr job.

As the party draw closer to the dungeons, Mournimar suggests Belli let Luctan talk, which offends Belli, who gets encouragement from Luck and Malak that she’ll do great. Malak ingretiating himself by casting Guidance and Enhance Ability on the Half-Orc Bard, right before she approaches the receptionists, an older Half-Elf man and a yellow tiefling.

“Now is the time to prove them wrong.”

The conversation is quick and Belli shines during this process. We are thanked, the lot of us, for the work we did and are pointed to the office of the Captain in charge.

While walking, we get a few pointers on places to visit around town.

Generally South-West of the city is a good night’s time.” the HElf answers Amelia. Though, uh,  he wouldn’t know personally. Definitely.

We walk down to the office, knock on the door before walking in.

We are welcomed in by the Halfling woman inside. She’s dressed well for her job. Not exactly the outfit one would expect for prison duty, but then again, they didn’t have a good idea on that, themselves. Blue eyes observe us warmly and kindly, through a wavy bob haircut, while she fiddles with the cuff of one of her sleeves. Her office is bare, maybe she’s new, maybe it’s how she likes it.

She kind of looks everyone up and down. “I’m guessing you’re the folks we’ve been expecting, huh?”

The party apologize as they didn’t have a proper schedule in mind and the thought is shared vice-versa as it just... Really was like that sometimes? Often times?! A lot. It happened a lot.

For finding the hide out of the slayer of cityfolk, for convincing his husband to give himself up and testify about his beloved, the ‘busters gain a monetary reward. As she pulls out a big chest on the table, Belli tries to convince her to unionise. To some possible success? She certainly seems curious about the suggestion itself.

Ames kinda looks her up and down and gives a smol little thumbs up

She’s a valuable worker, she’s worth more.

On behalf of the city of Crystalgate, thank you for all of your efforst in intervening with the issue. The culprits have been dealt with.” Much to the four original members’ surprise, the husband has been released, having promissedto turn over a new leaf.

Luctan would later ask the captain, who introduced herself to the five as River Blackbrace (Just River), where he could find the husband and, after ensuring her that he planned no ill will towards the man, she guesses he’d be back in town or at one of the temples.

The woman feels like rewarding us with more, since this isn’t her gold, yeah? Lots of paperwork time prevented. The five are given suggestions on places to go and spend our money. Between " Neladrie's Rarities” and “Snipper’s Hall’, the clothing store of Grinella, they have some good options on their way.

Grinella is the best at her work, as far as River’s concerned.

Before they go, we mention to River that we plan on participating in the Spring Festival’s tournament.

River mentions that it was originally created as a celebration of the heroes Septum Sabata. It’s a series of trials re-creating what they went through to save everyone. Malak has watched it a few times and things happening around the arena a few good times. He’s the local CG expert.

And if they really feel down, there’s also a place... a-a-

Café where they summon fae animals.

And should they need a good book,  there’s a library in the north east. “The Lady Stormweaver National Library.” The conversation about books prompts Luctan to show off the “Handerstaad” he got from Sa Doma.

And River spills the tea that Kheyha is a local. And has spent some time in the dungeons for her alcoholism antics. (Never meet your heroes, kids.)

They are suggested to stay away from the Ebryosis followers. Best leave those kinky fellas to their own “dungeons”.

As they walk walk to the clothes and magical trinkets shops, Mournimar has a heart to heart with Belli, apologizing for his behavior. While Luctan checks the money with Malak. The sibs hug it out, while the money is counted and distributed amongst all of them, even as Malak protests some.

There’s a faint tingle of wind chimes as the five go to one of the most eclectic collections of goods of various kinds we’ve ever seen. Sort of an order to it, anyways. A rainbow pattern across the show. Vaguely arranged in no particular order. Pretty much everything’s in a different size and shape.

A high elven woman, Neladrie, sits in a tall stool behind a desk, very long hair. She glances vaguely at us and has a monocular on.

Good morning. Feel free to look around. Please be aware you’re being watched, so don’t get any funny ideas. And Welcome.”  She points at her watchful little pseudodragon, watching from the rafters.

Belli uses mage hand to pat the dragon.

She knows she’s a good gorl.

The search commences as each member of the party search foritems with some help of the shopkeeper.

Malak gains supplies for his Divination magic, including dragon bones.

Mournimar tries and fails to find anything that could enhance his wisdom.

Amelia gets her hands on some lovely sea shells.

Luctan gets helped with finding a focus for his recently developed magical abilities. A small purple crystal.

All the while Belli takes her pick, between some wild musical instruments.

There is an holy banjo with all the gods’ symbols.

There’s a great axe with a wider handle. A didgerydeath, if you will.

And also, what appears to be a kazoo 2. One sort of kazoo entrance and branches out into different sights. It’s like if a kazoo had different pitches.

There’s also a set of bagpipes.

And last, but not least, an ukulele of sorts. Upon testing it, the ukulute sounds like a spannish guitar, almost.

Ostentatious is her brand and after testing all the instruments, she agrees to buy the ukulute.

With purchases made, the gang take the next step of their journey, going to the “Snipper’s Hall”, where they meet the one and only  Grindelia Snipper. A Goblin Woman, standing atop a 7ft tall step ladder, measuring a tall model with her arm tattoo.

“OH! Welcome!” 

"Snipper’s Hall” is a long building, like a miniature Viking lounge house, with elements of stone to keep it stable. There is a wide variety of different sort of premade outfits, models of different heights going from 4.5 to 8ft tall... And. There’s a jewelry section.

After a greeting, the party make their requests and orders in a friendly sort of manner. Mournimar buys a jacket and a stag brooch, Belli gets herself a new, lovely outfit, a dress of blue and pink, as well as a canine bracelet. Malak’s fine as he is and Amelia is left uncertain with what to purchase.

Upon Luctan’s request... A custom outfit which’ll take a few days to put together, the poor secret Tieflingman gets handled with amazing strength and tenacity by the spunky and overly friendly goblin woman, who measures him nice and well with her arm and finger, taking his numbers with keen eyes, even with his armor still on.

He can’t be sure why, but the very suggestion she’s sent people to get treatment over the roughhousing sends a chill down his spine. The elf baby just has a blast during the entire developement.

Business transaction made, the next stop is “Peppery Pete’s Pile of Potions.”

Belli is still angry with the old gnome, over his potions involving Orcish strength, given the negative stereotype about Orcish intelligence lowering the user’s titular stat.

A stern talking to is to be had, before any dealings get made there.

Along the way to the shop, Luctan asks Malak if he knows anything about the tournament, beyond what the party had heard and he shares his knowledge with the gang:

“The Tournament is divided into three trials The Trial of the Elemental Lords, the Trial of the Beast and the Trial of the Betrayed.

The Trial of the Elemental Lords involves the blending of the elements being worked into a challenge that teams must overcome together.

The Trial of the Beast involves fighting a mighty beast that establishes victors as a cut above the rest.

The Trial of the Betrayed is the grand finale, the remaining 2 groups battle it out. But there are clerics on standby. You cannot aim to kill, just to knock unconscious. Any deliberate murder would be acted upon as such in a court of lawAfter the tournament, a party is held for all groups within the Echosmith Hall and the champions are presented with their rewards.”

Luctan’s mind wanders. Things to be re-worked in his goals.

The lot of them soon reach the shop and, upon summoning Pete inside, welcomes are had. Arguing commences between the Half-Orc and the Gnome as Pete ultimately admits that he stopped producing the particualr offending potion, much to the losses in his product.

Ideas are being thrown around on potions Pete could work on in turn, before any business could be had, involving the party’s wants and needs.

Aside from getting a Greater Health Potion and a new Potion of Wizard’s Folly (after giving his first one to Danton back in Sa Doma), the party have... particular requests.

Belli takes note of the “ Basilisk Tears “ potion. For 200 gold, she most definitely buys that and makes plans. Fast plans on the use.

On Luctan’s end, with the deal being made for Peter sponsoring the adventurers for the tournament to come, Luctan gives in to the support of the full party, now that they are all in the shop, as opposed to only half there. With the price for his sword’s modification being brought down to 1,000 gold and the helping hand of Mournimar, Amelia and Malak, who didn’t even want the share of money given to him, Luctan accets.

And hands his greatsword over to the gnome for the specific enchantments he requested.

Belli has that moment of realization, you know? The one, where you just know that you have to move, while the moving is available and contacts Ficus about the Potion of Basilisk Tears, a concoction that might JUST bring her family back to their old selves!

With the party’s blessings, she runs off towards the Crusty Challice, where Ficus will wait for her.

But she doesn’t go alone as Mournimar tails her, just to make sure she doesn’t get messed with, before getting to her older brother. All the while the rest of the group are welcomed to the back of the shop by Pete for training.

As the work out commences, Mournimar follows. And as he follows, he keeps an eye out for anyone shady that might be watching Belli on her way out of the walls of the city.

He doesn’t see anyone. But gets the feeling that he is watched. He investigates that feeling. He notices that someone in the crowd is watching him. Seems to be, looks like a bald older man, stocky built, little bit tall and for a second the tiefling swears there's the faint glimmer of horns in his shadow, but then they disappear. As does he as Mournimar tries to find him in the crowd. To no avail.

Regardless, he continues on the path to the tavern.

There’s a bit of a smog in the tavern as people’ve lit cigarettes and pipes. Belli and Ficus have a good long talk as she shows him the potion of Basilisk tears. They are shaken, misty eyed and anxious to see if it works. This horror that befell their family... It could end in the next couple of days!

By the time she hugs Ficus, Mournimar has entered the tavern and commenced watching over the shadyness that may be observed from the patrons.

Which is to say, he’s basically looking through a sea of shade.

He does notice, though, one of the bartenders has a sort of, finely shaped jaw and stood up black hair, a bit of stubble and seems to be watching Mournimar a bit more intently than normal.

Mournimar tries to stealth closer to the guy, even though he’s aware. He tries to figure out who the guy is, but he has no idea.

Eye contact is made between the two as the guy slides a glass with Brandy over to Mournimar and just continues with his work behind the bar.

Mourni has a leetl sip to make sure everything’s Gucci. Tastes like some of the brandy from around Bavorum. Nostalgic.

Through some small talk, Mournimar learns that the man’s name is “Joe”. Just a working Joe, you know?

It’s less of a talk and more of an interrogation as they don’t break eye contact.

“The brandy’s on the house, Mournimar.” the man answers with the name that the tiefling hadn’t given him. Like. At all.

No answer given on how he knows that.

He backs out the back door with a wink and Mournimar follows after her.

There’s no way the Half-Orcs don’t see this by now and they dash and jump on after the digitigrade ranger, who finds himself and Morgan out in the back alley, with no sign of the mystery man, named Joe.

He tries everything he can, from following tracks, to Hunter’s Mark, to Morgan’s snoofer, but nothing works. The man is just... gone.

With the Narahs catching up to him, he explains what happened and has to be talked down from pointlessly searching for a man, or whoever, who is just “GONE”.

It is then that Belli must explain to him that she has to leave Crystalgate with Ficus. To try the potion on her family. It’s hard on Mournimar, but the frazzled tiefling understands.

Belli hands him Orion and states that, if anything is to happen, she’ll call the others. They then agree to meet up with the others for a proper goodbye.

The others, by the way, doing pretty well for themselves in this new enviroment.

A deal has been made that every time Amelia does good in the training, Archie gets a treat.

Given that the chunky kitty is on his back, getting pats on his big belly from the baby, she’s killed this training.

The entire development has left the running quartet staggering back to the rest of the party. Mournimar doesn’t spot anything off on the way back. 

As everyone reconvenes, Mournimar gives them an update on the respective situations, giving in detail a description of this “Joe” character. He worries it could be related to Lazarus, his ex. Or Kahlia. Or Potencia herself. He gets calmed by Luctan’s wording on the subject.

“We’re a bunch of famous and attractive people. Let’s face it. we have fans.”

As the party splits up, with Belli making her goodbyes with the rest of the gang, Luctan Blesses her and Ficus, which catches Malak’s attention. Thinking about the type of magic being used, he can tell that, though holy, it is not one of the Five that has given Luctan his abilities.

With Belli and Ficus taking Kevin and Killer, the rest of the party opt to go to the circus on the outskirts of town.

“The Voluptani Mystique “, a big tent circus in the north-west part of town’s outskirts. It’s fabulous on the outside.

They pay and notice at the entrance, a red skinned tiefling woman with a long, ball gown dress, leaning against the booth she stood inside and she waves a hand over and leaves a small mark with Prestidigitation.

Lead inside,  it’s basically how you imagine a circus. An arena with seats around the circle. The four and their animal companions take a seat at the front as the Dancing Lights Cantrip flies around the tent, lighting and highlighting everything and everyone gathered, people of many walks of life. Just here for a little show to end the evening.

A cloud of smoke emits from the middle and the huge entrance of the tent swings shut.

Inside the cloud the lights start hovering, we can see the lights start changing color and go in different directions, erratic and suddenly there are hops from around the room where everyone’s sitting. And back in the middle, when they look, they see a high elf woman with pitch black hair falling long and wavy towards the bottom.

She stands with one hand in the air and one hand spread outwards towards the side. She pauses, looks around the audience and she whistles three high pitched notes. She snaps with her pointing up hand and the lights skatter, going right towards the audience. The cloud disappears and in the time it was there, the original woman is gone and there are two halflings, a man and a woman and they start doing all sorts of contortions. They entwine and roll in a ball. Throughout the whole show there is this almost hypnotic flute music. Pyrotechnic displays and after each one, there is a set of three elven dancer,s almost dangerously close as they maneuver around. Really fucking weird. A whole lot of illusion magic is happening here.

At one point the elven dancers starts flying around and Mallak, being a local, has seen this before.

After 3 hours of this weird bewhildering performance the entire room lights up and it’s completely clear and the original high elf woman, who’s actually an eladrin, is still in that same pose as when things started.

And she says “Thank you all once again, as always, please leave your tips with faith on the way out and thank you. She snaps with fingers and purple energy surrounds her as she leaves.

Bewhildered and amazed, Mournimar kinda wants to give this a go. Run away and joy the circus? Follow your dream, bud!

Having been in Crystalgate for a few years now, Malak had abided in a few viewings of the spectacle and, though it’s often with some modifications, it’s generlaly been the same good experience over time. He’s happy.

Amelia shares with the gang about the possibility of hanging out at Nel’s for a few days. As though there was any question on whether they would say “no” to such an offer.

 As the night covers the sky above Crystalgate, the party find themselves again at the rich sector of town, being watched by a guard.  Nel arrives at the gate, red faced after messaging Amelia. She forgot to give her a badge and was now paying the price with the run she had to make.

Sadly, though a talented bard,  Nel has the muscle content of a slug.

The party soon make it back to Shadowspire Manner, lead by Nel, after introducing Mal to the Half-Elven woman and sharing of Burk’s departure.

They are shown around. the rooms, the kitchen, everything they’d need, before she takes Amelia’s hand and leads her to her room. Nel’s room. She is the body guard and she must guard that body.

Mournimar and Malak opt to crash in Luctan’s room for the evening, deciding not to split the party any further than this.

Luctan watches out of a window for about an hour, while humming to the baby, before going to bed.

As Mournimar and Malak sleep, Mournimar has some kind of dream...

But Luctan doesn’t sleep.

No.

Instead, once he’s sure the others have fallen in rem sleep, he sneaks outside and goes for a short walk around the neighbourhood, doing whatever it is that he does at this time.

After coming back in, 5-10-20-to-30 minutes later, he feels the hairs on the back of his neck stand up and notices a shadow close to Mournimar, with no one casting it.

Then it disappears.

After investigating out the window, Luctan goes to bed and meditates... on something else.....

Day 2 comes to an end.

Previous Episode / Halloween Episode / Next Episode

[hideandseaking]

hi. im sorry about this random, kinda depressing ask. but i saw that you left your home bc of your parents. how did you/are you managing? im scared my parents are going to do the same to me if/once they find out im a closeted queer with a girlfriend. they think im cishet and i have no idea what id do if they kicked me out and cut me off from the family. im terrified of that possibility, and wanted to know if you had any advice. thanks and sorry again.

hey that’s no problem for the ask, you don’t have to apologize for reaching out for help at all. and im always happy to help

basically what happened was my parents had been enforcing abuse against me within my household for pretty much my entire life and it got to a breaking point where i couldn’t even express that i didn’t want to have children nor tell a guest of theirs that i won’t be changing my mind about it because that was “rude” and i subsequently got emotionally and mentally abused for retaliating back with my own opinion over my body. it turned into a fight,where i stated that they needed to go to therapy and maybe even as a family because this was geting way too out of hand, and i ended up getting kicked out of the house. before this my mom had written off that i’m a bisexual woman, so that only compounded the issues within my family.

though i was bouncing around for awhile, i did have many people reach out to help me. i had a couple of friends offer me to stay at their places. i was really lucky in that one of my grandparents is just forgiving of me for how i am, and i ended up at her doorstep and stayed with her for about two months. though she doesn’t work, she did try to financially help me with gas and food as much as possible, but my parents had cut me off at that point.

i basically needed to just survive until i got back to school but i was worried that my parents wouldn’t financially support me anymore so i was looking for jobs so i could pay for my rent for my apartment. in september my parents ended up wanting to talk to me and reconcile and they actually have been working on it and doing their best and we’re looking therapists still right now because i’m finishing up with school at the time that i’m writing this. they also all know and accept that i’m bisexual and will tolerate my dumb jokes about it fadjskgdlgf

but honestly? the whole process was terrifying. i had pretty much half of my items always in my car after that, and i still kind of do it just in case i need to pack up and leave anywhere from being kicked out again. it really fucks with you when you’re kicked out of your house. even though i was 24 at the time, it was terrifying and i had honestly no idea what to do or where to go. and i was scared my money was just going to run out entirely when i needed gas to get to my job or needed food because i was standing all day and running around doing cases. it was a lot and it was scary as fuck.

simple advice: always find a dollar store (where things are a dollar) for food and really any general items it’ll make your money stretch longer. try to have a job in place for this cause you can sue your job for firing you for being queer but you can’t really sue your parents for that lmao. and try to have a support system that will catch you if this happens.

whcih leads to my best advice which is that if you really do think that your family has any sort of potential to kick you out, i really would preemptively reach out to anyone that you believe can be a reprieve for you when that happens. you might think it’s a bother to those people, but i found that mostly anyone that you reach out to will help you in anyway that they can. even if it’s not a place to stay but advice to live independently of your family, or even a few dollars to put gas in your car. and also if you do it beforehand it does give people more time to prepare just in case. if it all turns out well, they’ll be happy that they were prepared for the worst and that it turned out for the best than the opposite. also this could be someone as simple as a classmate you talk to once in awhile or a coworker even. people are surprisingly gracious to those that they don’t know all too well because helping people in need is kind of human nature. even if they just give you a place to stay for one night that might be all you need to recollect yourself and figure out what to do. but almost no one will leave you on the street if you have someone to fall back on.

i also would try to approach it with your family in a way that seems diplomatic, if they’re the type of people who are open to that. my family wasn’t open to diplomacy with emotion so i had to learn to be completely calm and neutral while explaining that they were abusing me and we needed to go to therapy, but because of how they were it turned into a yelling match. however, they did hear abuse and therapy within that yelling match so! in the end they did turn around after two months and decided that having a relationship with me was more important. i’ve had quite a few friends now whose parents have abandoned their lgbt+ child entirely and then reconsider it after some time to at least support them to so they can be an adult in an atmosphere that’s best for them. i know not everyone is this lucky to have this, and trust me i thought everything was irrepairable when it happened, but sometimes your family will try regardless. so be open to contact from them if they do kick you out and reach out later, but be firm in your beliefs and stance and what you wanted originally, which is acceptance.

my final piece of advice is to be careful especially if you’re not 18 or older. i was 24 so i had a little more experience of age on my side on handling it and figuring out what to do, but when i shoved my things into my car and drove off i was shaking and crying and felt like a child. make sure you have a plan and even outline what you’re going to say to your family members and keep the notes with you while you talk to them. sometimes it just helps having them even if the only words on there are “i’m queer and i have a girlfriend” because it can give you a moment to breathe and remind yourself why you’re talking about this and what’s most important to you in this situation. even if your parents have deaf ears to it

best of luck to you, really and truly. if you need any help please ask and ill promo out a post to help you or even if you need to talk about it privately, i’m also here for that. i hope it goes well for you and again, im here if you need anything, don’t be afraid to reach out again

[moonraccoon-exe]

Hi Coonie! I'm your recent Ignis and Gladio Anon, and I wanted to drop you a note to say I adore your replies to the asks I've sent you. They make me smile so much, and I'm so glad that they could help you feel better. Hmn? Will I stop? No. Never. ♥ Unless you want me to that is! Although I should say they plan on visiting you again soon so we'll have to scoop the molten puddle that is you off the floor and get you ready for the next time they come to visit. ♥ With love - Gladnis Anon

BUT WHY WOULD I WANT YOU TO STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP SHRIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

HOLY

MOTHER

OF 

COWS

IT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*TACKLES WITH ALL THE POWER OF MY LOVE WHICH IS LIKE WOWEE GIGANORMOUS U DED NOW BUT GONNA BE ALIVE AGAIN SOON DON’T WORRY NO KILL IN THIS SAFE PLACE IT’S JSUT A RETHORICAL EXPRESSION TO EXPRESS HOW MUCH OF MY RACCOONIE MAGICAL WUV I’M THROWING UR WAY*

*SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM*

HONESTLY BUDDY I’D PUT MORE GIFS HERE I WANT TO PUT A GLOMP ONE AND MAYBE A FALIL BUT I’LL MAKE YOUR PHONE/DESKTOP CRASH LMAO IT OKAY JUST KNOW I’M HYPER TURBO EXCITED TO BE ANSWRING TO YOU AND I KNOW IT’S BEEN SO LONG AND OMG THIS IS GETING SO LONG I’M SORRY I’M TERRIBLE AT ANSWERING SHORT I HAVE TOO MUCH HYPE AND EMOTIONS AND THERE’S NO OTHER WAY TO LET THEM OUT OKAY THANK U I JUST AM SO H  AP  P E H AND EXCITED AKLSJDLKGJD OMG IT U YOU TOOK THE TIME AND THE BEAUTIFUL GESTURE TO WRITE A NOTE AS YOURSELF AND I’M V I B R A TI N G WITH EXCCITE DMKADGMHF BECAUSA EOHGFHM IT’S LIKE RECEIVING GIFTS AT MY DOOR AND I CAN LEAVE BEHIND A NOTE SAYING THANKS BUT IT AIN’T THE SAME THAN SAYING THANKS TO UR FACE THEN YOU DROP BY AS YOURSELF AND I’M THERE LIKE SHRIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK ABBLE TO SAY THANKS TO YOUR FACE SO BE PREPARED I SMACK U WITH

THANK YOU

ASKLDJFALKDGJDLKHAJLKGAJDKLADJ SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM

okAY OKay lemme add a keep reading here real quick aksldjfklgjafh

GLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS ANOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNN!!!!!!!!

IT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*TACKLE-HUGS YOU AND SNUGGLES TIGHTLY*

HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( ´ ▽ ` ).｡ｏ♡

*SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZEEEEEEES* ( ˙꒳​˙ )❤

Seriously, I feel so HAPPY and so excited to be answering this ask!! It really does feel as I said above, like I received gifts but they were always left there, and now it u here!!! GODS DAMN ME, THANK YOU FOR TAKING THE TIME AND GESTURE TO WRITE TO ME!!!!!! HEWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Aaaw, hahaha, thank you so much!! I’m happy that you like my replies to your asks. I mean, I stay short anyway because YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOUR ASKS HAVE DONE TO ME LIKE KALSDJFDLKAGJHFALKGJA THEY TAKE MY FEELINGS AND TOSS THEM AROUND LIKE A RAG DOLL IN THE MIDDLE OF TWO TORNADOS SPINNING AROUND WITH NO CONTROL AT ROCKET SPEED WHILE SCREEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAMINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

Lords and ladies above in the heavens, YOUR ASKS ARE JUST. GLORY. ABSOLUTE EXQUISITE DELIGHTS TO READ AND RECEIVE IT’S LIKE…LOOK I DON’T EVEN HAVE A DESCRIPTION, IT’S JUST PERFECT. The fact that someone takes the time to write to me little stories of Gladnis pampering and spoiling me I MEAN

HAH

WHAT THE 

FUCK

HOW AM I SO GODDAMN BLESSED ASKLDJFDG AHKL JALKGAJG SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

*THROWS A TANTRUM*

Gladnis is my OTP and Gladdy and Iggy both by separate are two of my faves aND I HAVE A GIGANORMOUS CRUSH ON BOTH OF THEM SO READING YOUR ASKS MAKES ME GO HFDGKJKGJKLGDAKLGDKJGDKLJSGJLLGKDJ DLFKHDFJHLKDJ AND THE SYSTEM (MY SYSTEM) CRASHES AND I DIE MOMENTARILY FAHK

Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I’m so happy to know my replies make you smile!! Haha, WE BOTH WIN! AIN’T THAT FANTASTIC?!?! Like, you make me happy and- OH MY GOD I JUST NOTIC- I MEAN OF COURSE IT’D MAKE YOU HAPPY!! It’s just natural, you gift happiness, you receive it back! BUT I REALLY. HAVE TO HIGHLIGHT THAT LAMENTABLY YOU DON’T RECEIVE HALF OF THE HAPPINESS YOU GIVE ME BECAUSE S R IOU SLY HONESTLY GODS HAVE MERCY ON ME YOUR ASKS MAKE ME EXPLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE IN UNCONTROLLABLY JOY THAT’S TOO MUCH TO FIT IN MY BODYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

GASPS

THEY PLAN TO WHAT?!!??!?!?!?!?!

BUT I’M NOT….RE A DY AKLDFJGKF GNLKH KFGKM FKLGF ((honestly I never am lmao)) LOOKIE MY HAIR IS NOT. GOOD I’M SMELLY AND MY SOCKS ARE RIDICULOUS I’M NOT PREAPRED OMG MY BOYFRIENDS ARE COMING OVER AND I’M AN IDIOT THAT’S NEVER READY BECAUSE MY BOYFRIENDS ARE SO GORGEOUS AND FANTASTIC HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE UNIVERSE DOESN’T COLLAPSE FROM HOLDING THE WEIGHT OF THEIR PERFECTIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

*EXPLODES*

AShfkadgklhjflkhfdj gkaldjf lakh jlafkhafjkljslkfdjalkhj omg yes I need halp, pls do scoop this molten puddle because I GO BACK TO REMEMBER ABOUT THAT LAST ASK AND I MELT OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND I DON’T WANT MY BOYFRIENDS TO WALK IN AND FIND ME IN THIS SHAMEFUL EMBARRASSING STATE LMAO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

“With love” I MEAN I’VE NOTICED

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

LIKE YOU DON’T EVEN NEED TO TRY YOU’VE THROWN LOVE ENOUGH AT ME FOR LIKE THE NEXT DECADE HFDGJDKJHGD BUT DON’T STOP WHY WOULD I WANT YOU TO STOP OHMYGAMMWKDJ  I’M BECOMING STUPID AGAIN HALP AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

*SMACKS YOU WITH ALL THE POWER OF MY LOVE*

HONESTLY THERE’S NO WAY TO THANK YOU ENOUGH, BUDDY. LIKE, I CAN TRY AND BURY YOU IN A MOUNTAIN OF RACCOONIE LOVE BUT DO I GET ANYWHERE NEAR THANKING YOU ENOUGH?

NEIN.

ASDHFkdaladjflkasjgalkdjgakdgjdaklgajgl aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, but seriously, thank you so much!!!! Taking the time to write an ask is something I always treasure, and thank you as well for not just writing to me, but making it so fantastic!!! By the way, you’ve got a pretty way with words. I hope you write fanfic because you’d be blessing the fic side of fandom; you’ve got a very pretty way with words and wonderful grammar! I mean, I don’t speak the language as a first, so I can’t judge you on that, but what I mean is your punctuation is wonderful and well done and you write with no typos and stuff. It’s a delight!!!

But I’m digressing aksljdkadgjdaklgdjag

I was saying that I really appreciate that you take the time to write to me, and I appreciate so much that you’ve been so creative and have been writing those Gladnis + Raccoonie ask. :3 

BY THE WAY I HAVE AN ARTWORK OF THAT DO YOU WANT TO SEE IT AKSDJDKGJ LMAO but more than the third partner, I BE THEIR PET. IT’S HONESTLY ONE OF THE CUTEST THINGS I’VE DRAWN AHAHAHA

Thank you so much for everything, buddy!!! And besides your gorgeous asks, this ask radiates this color that…hnghng. How do I explain. I don’t know, buddy, but everyone radiates a color through the way they write their asks to me, and you look so…vibrant and colorful and bright omg YOU HAVE SUCH A PRETTY PRECIOUS COLOR, AND WITH THIS ASK ALONE I CAN STRONGLY SMELL KINDNESS AND A VERY GOOD SOUL AND HONESTLY HOW THE FUCK DO I DO IT TO BE BLESSED WITH GOOD PEOPLE TALKING TO ME AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

*SMACKS YUO WITH LOVE*

YOU GORGEOUS CREATURE MOST MARVELOUS HOOMAN.

Ayeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, but not gonna make this too long, sorry!! 

SO THAT’S THAT! ヽ(・ω・)ﾉ

BUDDY

ONCE MORE

Thank you LOTS for taking the time to write to me and for all the wonderful things you’ve sent me!!! 

I HOPE YOU’RE HAVING A MOST FANTASTIC DAY OR NIGHT! DO RECEIVE LOTS OF RACCOONIE HUUUUUUUGS! (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ

[cowboyjen68]

Hi Jen, so here’s the thing. My girlfriend and I have been together for six months now and it’s pretty serious, we talk about spending the rest of our lives together. However, she broke up with her ex a year and a half ago. I noticed the other day when my girlfriend was on her banking app that she still had her ex’s account on there to transfer money to with the name of it set to “babe”. (💜1/2💜)

It made my heart hurt in a weird way, she calls me babe all the time and now it feels less special and made me wonder if it’s just a habit of hers leftover from her old relationship. I also noticed that she still has a special text tone set for her ex, and her ex still has a profile on her Netflix account (and still uses it). Am I overreacting about these things? Or is it a sign that she’s not really over her? (💜2/2💜)

You are not over reacting. I am friends with my ex and I am friends with my ex from many years ago, but we made every attempt to seperate from each other, especially in the beginning. Even though Rita and I have a joint accout for the kids, we don’t have phones set to pet names.  It very well could be an oversight..like it was just easier to leave the account rather than trying to get the other person’s name off of it. (sometimes you have to close the account and start over). 

“Babe” is pretty common and it might be her “go to” pet name.. It might be just the term of affection she prefers.  It does not mean she cares about you less. 

The best way to handle this.. be honest. Have this talk with her. Explain that you can’t “unsee” what you accidently saw and how it makes you feel. Don’t project how she feels on to her. Give her a chance to tell you why things are like that and how she feels.. BUT do have a little caution.. If you feel like she is bullshitting you, keep an eye on that and after a time or two of that happening bring it up.. Tell her you don’t feel like you are geting the truth.  

If you are going to make this relationshoip work.. honestly about emotions are a big deal. And you need to make every attempt to keeep communication open and honest. You can’t control her side but you can control your own. 

[joyfuldeepend]

A Gift for the Season

Today is almost 7 weeks in with my first Foster care placement. Our next court date is in April, so it looks like we will be together for awhile. This was not exactly how I expected my first placent to go…actually I’m not quite sure what I expected. I still am so grateful I get to do this. The journey has been stretching, hard (don’t gete started on the story of her stuck at the bus stop as my plane taxied for take off), fun and overall good so far. As I reflect here are a few things I’ve learned so far (with much more to come).

I know the aunt role really well…however learning how to be a full time caregiver required a different approach. I want to say yes to everything and give her the world…I’m learning to say no where appropriate/needed and be ok with disappointing someone I care deeply for in the short term for what is needed in the long term.

Everything matters… the big the small and everything in between. I’m often surprised at what she retains or what impacts. I’m grateful for the depth of good parents I’ve gotten to watch and take notes from…using it all from challenging the words we use, writing notes on the mirror, affirming her worth consistently and confirming when things are hard and consoling during teenage emotional swirls.

The desire to embarrass your child and tell lame jokes comes automatically and is sooo STRONG! I now consider it a success when she shakes her head and laughs at me with her “on my God Joy, I cannot”! Mostly when I car dance to her music! She looked at me one day, after I said a cheesy pun, and said with a straight face “that was hella cheesy” and in that moment I couldn’t have been prouder!!

Last but certainly not least….I literally cannot do this without my community. A huge shout out to my friends T’eauna and Jonathan who are my rocks and a huge support to us. They keep her safe when I travel, love on her and cheat at Uno 🤪😂 to keep her ego in check and help me feel like I can actually do this. The generosity of my community has helped us through the transition and literally there are presents under the tree, in large part because of what they’ve generously given.

This is the community I’ve been dreaming of being a part of my whole life and I love seeing it come to life. Thank you to all the friends who’ve checked on us, dropped off gifts, offered support and much more. I’m extremely grateful and humbled for the love and support we’ve been shown. A friend asked me if I feel like a Mom yet…I don’t…yet I do feel extremely grateful to get to care for a child and be able to provide a safe place during a tumultuous time in her life. This is what I’ve been prepping for over the last 2+ decades and it still feels surreal every time she walks down the stairs, asks to hug me or wants to talk through something. I get to do this…this feels like Christmas to me…every day!! This is what I’m taking away as my gift for the season!

[mythological-survivor-no-mikoto]

Episode 12 - You Should Not Have Been Throwing My Name Out - Zac

With numbers dwindling, the votes are getting more intense. Nikias wins immunity and a plan is set into motion to blindside Olivia, who is viewed as one of the strongest players left. At tribal council, Abrielle plays her voting coin advantage but it fails. She pulls out her vote steal advantage as well, using Nikias’ vote to put a vote on Aly. Only Aly remained loyal to Olivia and Olivia was voted out 4-2-1 over Abrielle and Aly.

“FINAL 7! This was a good wake up call vote btw, people talk and snitch and have their own agendas in this game. I think its pretty fascinating bc i don't think i have ever being less utr and still i think i am kind of am in people eyes? Idk, I think today was challenging bc I wanna be a gamer and creative with moves and I think it's fun but sometimes i feel bad for lying which make it hard for me at times to play this game”

“Dear diary. Today I had yet another emotional meltdown and learned that I can trust none of the se bitches. It is very upsetting. I also fought some bitch after tribal who tried to bullshit me and I was not having it. Anyways I feel like I have hit rock bottom. When the person i trust the most is fucking Abrielle who is barely even around, you just KNOW something is wrong. Anyways, I will get back to crying about geting into conflict and about a korean singer calling out one of her band members for bullying her, attaching self harm pics of her arms. Good night heart heart purple heart green heart heart eyes emoji”

"Yesterday I was down yes. today I am still down. But I am here to get to work. It isnt worth shit for me to just coast and wait for people to come to me. i need to have an hand in my own future and I am going all out. If that gets me voted out, fine. so be it. but im going out fighting”

“At this point of the game, I am thinking to use the fake idol only incase i have to do a damage control. However, I have lie way too much in the game and giving a fake idol to someone with out making sure that I am in danger it's like giving them a reason to not vote you in the end, you give them a reason to be bitter at you. I was trying and i will give it another shot to convince Olivia to take advantage of it and give it to someone. I want to go with Olivia to the end because I trust her the most out of everyone and it's the first time that I am so loyal to someone and it just feels right. I wanna see if there is anyway to convice her that i give it to her and she can give it to someone else, so the person who would use it could be bitter at her and while it would be my idea it would look like she did my dirty job which would make Olivia look weaker in the jury. However, Olivia is smart and at the moment she is not buying it. I am not planning to use it myself unless i have too“

“ Normally I’m totally fine with mastermind. This version? Where we can’t see which ones are which? Absolute fucking hell”

“ fuck. i hate it here, thank u “

“f6 babyyyyy. omg i am so so happy that was sucha good timing“

“It’s just like.. a battle of the good people left. These are all the people I felt the most genuine good vibes from and I like them all so much

“Constance- could maybe persuade him to vote me?

Vi- would most likely vote me

Adam-probably no chance in hell

Cori-would she even show up

Emma-mayyybe get her to vote me but that’s undecided

Josh-truly an unknown but he would probably vote for Nikias before me

I adore Nikias with my whole heart and I want him there at the end with me. This whole journey I’ve realized has just been about my friendship with him and if I lose to him I think I’d be ok. So I’d probably say Nikias and aly. Aly would be easy to beat I think and I think it’d come down to Nikias or I”

“ I really went from being in the complete bottom to basically being in charge of starting the movement to try and blindside Olivia. I'm so proud of the game I have been playing like I really changed from the type of game I usually play. and this is just amazing. I would love to get to the final 3 but even if I get voted out tonight I'll be leaving with my head held high cuz I know I played my hardest. I genuinely feel so bad about voting Olivia. but if its gotta be done its gotta be done. I need to stop playing with my heart and start playing with my head “

[star-valo]

How Markiplier Saved Me

I’m sure everyone’s seen his late night video by now, and I’ve seen a few people in the tag posting their stories.

And I feel like now is the right time to share mine. It’s not the typical life saving story, but it definately got me out of a life where I was so terribly unhappy. And considering I’m an extremely naïve 25 year old who is now stumbling about life in such an ungodly awful manner, I feel I owe a lot of who I am now to @markiplier

This will be long. Very long. Brace yourself, I’m a story teller. - TW: Abuse mention

I met him when I was 19. He was 29, turning 30 in a few months; and a month after I met him, he was due to get married, to his girlfriend of 10 years. I was at uni, out on my own with my anxiety in full swing for the first time in my life and I wasn’t coping. I’d stopped eating entirely, I was geting every bug that went around campus and I’d lock myself away in my room for hours on end.

I forced myself to go to a convention that was near the university. Anxiety attack ensued, and I was in a very vulnerable state, which is where I met him. Subsequently, it turned out, just about every male that was remotely plesant to me that weekend, had ulterior motives. Unfortunately, his didn’t start until after the convention.

Bit of context. I’m one of those “growing up ugly” kids. The “popular” kids at school would fake crushes on me to get a laugh and ridicule me at every oppertunity. As such, I’m oblivious to any actual interest anyone may show in me. I can’t pick up on those social queues at all, because I just don’t believe they’re genuine.

He got married, we stopped talking. The next convention, 4 months after his wedding, he kissed me and made me super uncomfortable for the rest of the weekend. Apparently, married life wasn’t going too well, so his attention had moved from his wife, to me. This started the manipulation, feeding me stories about his wife, apologising endlessly for making me uncomfortable and showering me in gifts.

Against my parent’s wishes, I ended up in a relationship with him. For 3 years. and his control over me continued for an additional year before I finally managed to cut him out completely. Leaving me a rather broken 23 year old.

Now, where does Mark come in?

He is what opened my eyes to the mental and emotional abuse and blackmail I was being subjected to, and eventually pushed me to leave.

Part two of the story starts here.

I was browsing Tumblr, seeing a lot of this stuff poping up on my timeline relating to something called “Five Nights at Freddy’s” and of course, Markiplier’s name was popping up as well. I was curious. So, Hallowe’en 2014, I was visiting my bestie who I only see once a year due to distance and money, and we decided we’d watch some spooky stuff. I suggested a FNAF playthrough, to which Bestie’s sister insisted that we watch Mark’s because it was definately the best out there. So we did.

My bestie wasn’t particularly taken with FNAF so we only watched the first part, but I was hooked, I wanted to see more. So I got home and binge watched the rest of Mark’s FNAF playthrough. Of course, I wanted someone to share this new found enjoyment with (good god I loved theorising with FNAF Lore, still do), so I showed it to him. Who then proceeded to take it and use it against me, my pathetic ass wussy self that I am. I’m very easily scared as I have an extremely overactive imagination. Have since I was tiny.

He bought FNAF, would hook it up to his TV, turn out all the lights, start the night... then decide he needed a cigerette, and leave me alone whilst he went outside to smoke. Of course, I was curled up in the corner, bracing myself for the jumpscares. One night, I was at his place, I got up to go to the toilet. I’d gone to bed early because I was tired, he was still awake, drinking beer and watching crap telly. He heard me and hid on the stairs which were directly outside the door to his bedroom, where he knew I would be passing to go back to bed. Thankfully I saw him sprawled out on the stairs before he could execute his plan. He was going to play Foxy’s jumpscare sound on his phone (He had the video ready and everything) and grab my ankle as I walked past.

I won’t go in to some of the other things he did, but the manipulation was there. The sexual abuse and emotional blackmail was there. I just didn’t start to see it until I watched more of Mark.

One week when I was off work because I felt unwell and there weren’t new Markiplier videos because he’d gone into hospital (turns out I was unwell because my appendix went fucky, I went in to hospital the day Mark came out) I binge watched his old videos. I really enjoyed his Vlogs, just him talking to the camera made it feel more personal. I watched his Draw my Life, Live-action skits he’d done, Videos of him on other people’s channels too.

Even just the silly little things he’d do like calling “us” beautiful. The milestone videos where he’d say how much we mean to him, and how thankful he was for letting him have the life he has. It all got me thinking. Never had I seen emotion from my boyfriend. He had never called me beautiful, or pretty, or expressed any sort of happiness for me being around, unless it was to manipulate me. He’d cry and self harm and spout all this stuff he thought I wanted to hear when I tried to leave in the past, how he didn’t want a life without me in it, how he loved me... All when I was trying to get out. Of course I stayed because he was threatening to kill himself.

At another convention, two weeks after my appendix surgery, we wore matching FNAF Pirate Cove tops (because matching tops were his way of showing he owned me, turns out.) I got talking to some guys about FNAF, ignoring him. It was when one of the guys mentioned that he was watching a youtuber play Five nights at Fuckboys at the moment, I instantly interjected with “Markiplier?”, who of course it was. At the mention of Mark, more people perked up and joined in the conversation, isolating my then-boyfriend more because he didn’t watch Mark.

I was in a lot of pain after the first night, I spent most of the convention in my hotel room in pain, which annoyed him because he wanted to party, and I wasn’t with him. I ended up calling my dad who came to take me home two days early, which my new Markiplier-friends came to see me off and say goodbye. Of course that annoyed him too.

I’m pretty sure this was the point that he realised that it wasn’t FNAF that he had to try and take from me. It wasn’t FNAF that was helping me make the friends that he wanted to keep away. It was Mark.

From then on, he’d do everything in his power to ruin Mark for me, to make him seem like an asshole, to make me stop watching his videos. Combining this with other things that I cared about, he was starting to get desperate. His control over me was slipping. I was starting to stand up for myself and he didn’t like it.

He’d get annoyed when I started watching Prison Break with my mum because I didn’t tell him what I was doing. He got annoyed that I wouldn’t text him back, whilst I was at work, in 2 minutes. He resorted to trying to buy me, buying me gifts and food, taking me places, surprising me with things in an attempt to buy me back.

He lashed out at me for not wanting to go swimming, because he wanted to see me in a swimsuit and ignored my anxiety and low self esteem making me freak out. He got extremely angry with me for going to bed without giving him a hug, because he’d insulted me and I didn’t want to be near him. He fed me lies about how all the new friends I was making were only trying to get into my pants, how none of them really liked my company and that if Mark were here, he’d be doing the same. It’s “all they wanted”, to get into my pants, he was “protecting” me. One of my favourite singers thought I was stupid because of one line in one song.

The final straw - for him - was when, on my birthday, I didn’t facetime him when opening my presents. When I did. This is when he stopped talking to me. In six weeks he’d moved on to another girl, one he worked with. He was being rude and cruel to me, so I finally deleted him from my facebook. I didn’t want to see it. I wasn’t coping well as it was. Everything I had known for the last four years had gone, and I was left alone because he kept stopping friendships before they formed. A barrage of insults came in the form of texts. As soon as he realised I’d deleted him and his friends, and that he couldn’t monitor me anymore, he flew off the handle. I crumbled completely. I was signed off work. I was a mess. Sadly, all this happened around the time of Daniel’s passing, so Mark wasn’t uploading. That’s when I turned to Jack’s videos. He wasn’t Mark, but he was funny, and he gave me a welcome distraction from all the pain and distress I was feeling.

Since then, Mark and his videos have been my go-to before-bed entertainment, time zones and all that fun stuff. He’s what’s making me strive to better myself, to move past the barriers and fears that the abuse has left me with. To push myself, to do that cosplay, to post that drawing. Dye my hair, buy the thing, put myself out there. I’m still trying. I’m still pushing myself. I’ll get there with attempting youtube myself one day, It’s just getting the software to do it, and then i’ll have to put my face out there, which is something I hate doing. But I’ll do it. I left work because, despite it being a terrifying thing to commit to doing, I deserved to be treated better. I am capable of so much more, I just need to believe in myself and know that I can do it if I put my mind to it.

And I believe all of this because of Mark. He believes in us as a community, and us as an individual. No one has told me that as often as Mark tells us all. All I have ever wanted is to make people happy, but now I don’t feel like I have to sacrifice my own happiness for others. I can make them happy, without demeaning myself, or decreasing my value and self worth. I’m funny, I make people laugh, I’m smart and creative, and that’s not a bad thing to say. I’m not blowing my own trumpet by saying that. I’m giving myself the value and credit I deserve because It’s far too easy to say that I’m not smart, that I’m not creative and I only make people laugh by fluke.

I have talents and abilities. I shouldn’t belittle them because they make me who I am, I need to embrace them, not push them aside.

I know this may seem like I’m putting Mark on a pedestal, but I assure you I am not. I feel indebted to him, yes, because I credit him as the catalyst that gave me the strength needed to save myself. Something that no one else had done in the four years I was in that relationship.

Genuinely and Honestly Mark, If you read this, Thank you. I owe you so much. I don’t know where I would be now had I not been introduced to you and your videos. Your sense of humour matches mine so well that I can’t help but laugh with you, even when I don’t feel like smiling. You have inspired me to do more with my life, to take a leap of faith, to push myself and try new things.

It sounds stupid and fan girly, but I honestly love you, so much. You have changed my life for the better, and I someday hope that I can repay you for saving me

[allenmendezsr]

Kill Your Stutter Program

New Post has been published on https://autotraffixpro.app/allenmendezsr/kill-your-stutter-program/

Kill Your Stutter Program

 Buy Now

    WARNING: This Stop Stuttering Guide Could Eliminate Your Stuttering In Under 10 Minutes…

Want to learn the easiest & fastest way to stop your stuttering? Have you wasted countless hours and money on speech lessons or tried using “will power”? Look no further, we have the ultimate solution to stop your stutter today, RIGHT NOW!

“It’s freaking incredible… I’ve managed to create a product that actually shows you how to stop your stuttering in under 10 minutes, FOR GOOD! No more wasted money on speech therapy or energy trying to use ‘will power’ to no success!”

-Ari Kreitberg, Creator of The “Kill Your Stutter” Program & KillYourStutter.com

*Shocking* Proven ‘step-by-step’ technique that walks you through how to stop stuttering in under 10 minutes without any continued effort or time needed

You’ve heard this from others and I’ll put my own spin on this important truth …. Most stop-stuttering products on the market simply do not work – at one point, I was even in a little debt trying so many. It took me an extremely long time to see what truly worked.

Just give Kill Your Stutter a try and I’ll explain how to stop stuttering for good. I merely activated this simple-to-use technique that generates immediate results to end this speech problem which causes so many embarrasment and low self-confidence. I can’t disclose everything but yes, we’ve seen it work on thousands of stutterers so far.

Before you continue to hear what’s going on …. STOP and make sure you’ve already grabbed the following exclusives confidentially.

Discover the UNTOLD true story of how a former stutterer from the age of 12 was able to annihilate his speech stuttering OVER NIGHT..

From: Ari Kreitberg   Date:

Location: Las Vegas

Dear Future Stutter-Free Friend,

My name is Ari Kreitberg, and today, I am the co-creator of the Kill Your Stutter internet guide.

Just over 5 years ago, I was a full-blown stutterer working at a dead-end factory job earning minimum wage.

Shortly after, I tried geting a few other jobs in customer service and telemarketing, but couldn’t keep them due to my stuttering problem….

Just from the fact that I wasn’t able to hold down a job due to my suttering and low self confidence which stemmed from it, I knew I had to do something quick before it destroyed my life even further.

When I finally got fed up enough with my stuttering and decided to take action, I looked for every possible way to rid myself of this speech problem. I made a few key discoveries, and I was at least lucky enough to focus on what was working.

.

… I know what it’s like to struggle with stuttering ….

Years later, I started to search for tools and ways to control my stuttering when I spoke. I loved it when my recipes for stopping stuttering helped others too.

One of my partners, Jeremy and I have just produced arguably the most extreme stop stuttering programs in existence … you simply follow the technique inside our Kill Your Stutter program and it starts eliminating your stuttering problem in under 10 minutes. This same technique saves you countless hours and thousands of dollars on speech therapy… simple yet powerful huh?

There is a beautiful twist to this … EVEN a bum off the street with ZERO speech therapy experience can use this to stop his stuttering for good. All he needs is a computer or internet connection to purchase and read Kill Your Stutter.

Seriously, imagine waking up every single day without having stuttering follow you wherever you go, whoever you interact and talk with- trust me, I can relate … and being able to talk smoothly with fluidity and confidence, wherever you want in life … anytime to your spouse, your kids, your friends, yourself, whomever! This system has done that for real people.

This program has been tried and tested with customer testimonial verified proof.

Here’s what you DON’T need

Now listen closely … because this is the core of what I’m revealing… the idea is that one action done ONCE will bring ongoing results and NOT require you to baby-sit your speech and stuttering.

Even if you’re merely looking cope with or improve your stuttering – I sincerely feel you’ll find something far better in this.

Also, We designed this system specifically for LOW COST methods, to save you from spending hundreds if not thousands of dollars, on speech therapists or other expensive programs.

  Let me give you an intriguing, unexpected, and transforming story…

Well just 5 months ago, my partner Jeremy had asked me if I could help him with his son, Mark, who’d been suffering from stuttering lately and was being teased by other kids in his school. I first rejected this since I didn’t think the technique would work for his son, since I thought he would be too young to have an effect on. I didn’t like the idea that I could let down the poor kid by not being able to help him, makes sense right?

Let’s just say that Jeremy was struggling with Mark’s depression from his school situation which was caused by his stuttering. I finally decided that at first I would just coach him. Only AFTER I gave him access to the EXACT technique inside Kill Your Stutter did he literally neutralize his stutter and produce results fast. I look back and asked myself … “why didn’t I give him that technique before?”

THE RESULT:

He was able to replicate my success – it seems that this technique works for all ages… and he even took it a step further than me.

… so guess what he did next? Mark went on to become PRESIDENT of his high school by winning the.. .drum roll please… SPEECH AWARD? The amount of confidence he gained from using my technique to stop his stuttering, actually motivated him to write an award winning speech which made him president of his high school. I was literally blown away by the transformation.

“Yes, we took a huge risk (time & money) developing this program… that ended up helping MANY people”

We had taken a huge risk in creating & releasing Kill Your Stutter, thinking it may not work for people with SEVERE stuttering.

Trust me … I feared this for a long time. Little did we know the opposite effect would happen. To our surprise, our exclusive community of former-stutterers produced magnificent results using our program, and some have even gone on to give speeches in front of thousands of people! THAT is the difference between self consciousness and self confidence my friends.

Were we flattered? Sort of. Were we happy? We were ecstatic they helped quite a few people stop their stuttering and improve their quality of life! It was amazing and here was the great part – a HUGE PERCENTRAGE of people that’ve used our product so far have eliminated their stuttering! IT really is a no-lose technique.

Despite all the skepticism about how Kill Your Stutter”stops stuttering in under 10 minutes” is unrealistic and unattainable for everyone else – Kill Your Stutter has actually increased in sales due to the same people who have used this product spreading it via word of mouth and through friend referrals. I don’t even need to go into how people started sending us emails telling us how great our product is and how deeply its affected and improved their personal lives.

Anyways, once people started using the technique, they realized something….. that there was a WHOLE other sense of self-confidence and satisfaction from living stutter-free…and staying that way for the rest of their lives….  

Claim Your Copy of “Kill Your Stutter” by Clicking Here

Let me tell you the main reason why you stutter in the first place….

The reason most people stutter is because they want to get into certain emotional states of mind that cause them to begin stuttering, these emotional states act almost like a trigger.

To explain in further detail…

people don’t stutter on the words they are saying.

They begin stuttering when specific words which cause triggered emotional states begin to come up.

Did you know that stuttering is related directly to not releasing your breath when you speak? What happens then is stuttering becomes part of your conditioning by causing a change in your habitual breathing patterns, and this makes talking difficult without the right techniques to correct it.

The way you gain from Kill Your Stutter is, I like yourself have spent years searching for an answer and have tried and purchased almost ALL the stutter stopping products & treatments, been to countless speech therapists, so you can bet I have formulated a specific technique for targeting and ridding of stuttering for good.

What you’re about to learn that only we can offer you is a shortcut to end your stuttering problems quickly and permanently.

…So you still think stopping stuttering in under 10 minutes in unachievable? HA!…

The technique inside Kill Your Stutter is GUARANTEED to end your stuttering.

How is this possible?

Because it identifies all the triggers which cause you to stutter in the first place. Cut all the roots from under the tree and what happens? It dies!….

Once the old stutter creating triggers have been dealt with, the technique goes on to replace it with new empowering responses. Neat eh?

I have successfully used this very same technique on family members, close friends and patients, it simply works every time I apply it. Don’t be left out in the cold!

Claim Your Copy of “Kill Your Stutter” by Clicking Here

1. So far thousands of people have used our program & technique with a HIGH success rate. 2. If for ANY reason Kill Your Stutter doesn’t work for you, or you’re simply not satisfied with the results, shoot me an e-mail within 60 days telling me and I’ll give you a full 100% money back refund, no questions asked! 3. It works! It’s as simple as that! You literally have nothing to lose, as I have removed ALL the risk from this offer!

Kill Your Stutter will work for you if you meet ANY of the criteria below:

• Tried stopping stuttering through sheer will-power and wasted energy, to seeing no results – Kill Your Stutter will work for you • Spent HUNDREDS to THOUSANDS of dollars on expensive speech therapy sessions which only dug into your wallet and left you broke and miserable – Kill Your Stutter will work for you • Scared that you might stutter in public so you AVOID sparking up conversations with people, or asking questions – Kill Your Stutter will work for you

The list goes on..

Claim Your Copy of “Kill Your Stutter” by Clicking Here

FACT: The average speech therapy session costs upwards of $150 PER SESSION! Think about all the time and money you’ll save with Kill Your Stutter

The more you use this technique, the more you’ll be able to master control and flow of your speech, not to mention stopping your stuttering once and for all – replicating our exact results with our clients.

The truth is: you really can’t go wrong with this program.

On a strict budget? This incredible stop your stuttering system is available for the low price of only $47 dollars! Compare that to ONE single speech therapy session which on average STARTS at $50 per visit, I think the price speaks for itself. Imagine NEVER having to worry about your suttering or speaking EVER again. (I secretly hate speech therapists anyways – I’d rather spend all the saved money by investing it into myself- don’t you agree?.)

At this point, you basically have 2 choices. Continue struggling like you’ve been for years trying to get over your stutter OR take advantage of our offer right now.

So, I need to ask you a very important question: What if you could use a program that costs LESS than a single speech therapy session that produces even less results and creates more wasted time than Kill Your Stutter alone? This would be like throwing away tickets to the superbowl.

What if you could do this all in under 10 minutes with a simple step-by-step technique to follow within the comfort of your own home? Is that something you might be interested in?

These are all realistic questions that you MUST ask yourself before trying other ways of stopping your stutter or visiting a costly speech therapist. Kill Your Stutter uses state of the art brand new technology that we’ve made ultra easy to use. 

Claim Your Copy of “Kill Your Stutter” by Clicking Here

Often when I use this on other stutterers, I hear, “Please… Pinch me, wake me up because I must be dreaming – a stutter stopper can’t be this easy!”

Now for the BIG QUESTION we’ve just now been getting…

“If this product is so successful – why are you selling it for only $47, when speech therapy sessions cost $150+?”

You know. I totally understand how anyone would ask this. We’ve proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that giving away our secrets in the past (many times for free), it had never hurt our income. As a matter of fact, we only GAINED valuable friends and allies along the way in our exclusive community. This has actually helped us far more than “monetizing off our little secrets”.

The same thing with Kill Your Stutter … we also have another reason… it’s because we welcome other people to help us spread the word of this system to the point where all stutterers worldwide are hitting a high result point everytime they use it.

Ambitious goal? Perhaps – and we’re beyond confident.

Here’s another dirty little secret most successful people (yes, including those speech gurus) try hard not to leak out…. want to know?

Successful people don’t re-invent the wheel. They use what’s there already for leverage.

Claim Your Copy of “Kill Your Stutter” by Clicking Here

Kill Your Stutter has several award-winning features and approved by our trusted, existing community:

What did this all translate to?

Translation? The one affordable system that I would hand to my closest of friends or family in need of stutter stopping, especially in this financial situation the world is going through and will likely go through for the next few years. (Hopefully not – but we have this just in case to NEVER fear again…)

Yes, we intend this not only to be RECESSION-PROOF, but money saving.

I had a dream not too long ago that I’d literally help a good portion of the population overcome their stuttering once they use and SUCCEEDED with such a system.

Do I deserve to be laughed at? Maybe. But who cares… it’s my dream and one vision. As they say ‘If you’re goal isn’t worth failing at, it probably isn’t BIG enough‘. Do you agree with this? I live by it and believe in giving back as a higher calling – not to mention the fun of inventing something powerful.

WHAT KILL YOUR STUTTER IS NOT:

  You may be asking “Don’t internet products like this always have a catch?” They always seem to involve so much more than the initial investment right? Watch what the following people say….

“One can spend over $10,000 or more on speech therapists… still not get even a fraction of the real-life results”

“One can spend over $10,000 or more on speech therapists … and still not get even a fraction of the real-life results that this can bring. Despite my initial skepticism, I’m quite impressed with what Kill Your Stutter is and is doing for me. I would have never thought!”

– Albert Sheppard   Austin, Texas

    “Kill Your Stutter is more than an exception. It will REVERSE your stutter successfully – personal suffering into personal prosperity – and this statement is very specific and true”

This program (or “stutter-stopper machine”) ROCKS. Just download, read through, and apply the technique!  

Claim Your Copy of “Kill Your Stutter” by Clicking Here

Our Best-Selling Kill Your Stutter program will…

We codenamed it “a miracle product” even before we released it and I am not exaggerating …

  Besides allowing people to finally defeat their stuttering for good…

The consensus is without a doubt … that Kill Your Stutter is also the future of stutter therapy using all STATE OF THE ART, LOW COST methods.

“Your ease of use and sincere offer to help really make a big difference.”

I can tell you guys have put a lot of effort into this. Now coming from someone who is not experienced in speech therapy at all, your ease of use and sincere offer for help really make a big difference.

I feel comfortable because there’s a guiding hand to fall back on anytime. This system is simply wonderful and I’m very, very happy to be using it for the goal of stopping my stutter.

– Mary C.  Los Angeles, CA

Kill Your Stutter will tremendously help everyone … the familiar beginner, the mediocre experienced, the advanced and even the super advanced.

But I’ll tell you one thing … there are some people who this system is NOT for:

… This system is NOT for people who do not believe in the idea of stopping stuttering in just minutes. If you are this type of person, I honestly don’t think this is for you.

If you want a program that cannot go wrong in terms of stopping your stutter for good, then please access the Kill Your Stutter machine right now.

Claim Your Copy of “Kill Your Stutter” by Clicking Here

Here’s a bold yet 100% true promise….

Nothing like this exists…and that is a FACT!

“Even if I was on my last hundred bucks, I’d try it because I know that it’s based on solid research.”

“After trying this out inside, all I can say is WOW, triple wow. Everything is literally pre-done for me here.

I’ll flat out say it – this is probably one of the only things I would have needed to get myself rid of my stutter. Even if I was on my last hundred bucks, I’d try it because I know its based on solid research and really works.

I almost wonder why didn’t you guys come out with this earlier?!! Fortunately, I’m not in such a situation anymore and I’m going to recommend this to my friends and family that suffer from stuttering.

Anyhow, this is going to sound harsh but you’d have to be very, very self-sabotaging to actually not make

results just via this simple to follow technique. You’d have to try really hard to fail and that’s an understatement of how sure-fire this thing is.”

– Jim Normand   Denver, CO

Using a simple technique to produce insane results like these has never ever been so easy and effortless – working well beyond 2010 I guarantee this!

Claim Your Copy of “Kill Your Stutter” by Clicking Here

This product is exclusive. The official, the one & only step-by-step system to Kill Your Stutter.

Iron-Clad 8 Week Unconditional Promise

We value your trust in our promise. Take 60 FULL days to simply try out the Kill Your Stutter program. As a matter of fact, try it tonight.

You can make tremendous progress that come in passively, simple as that. Yes, even if you barely understand the speech therapy concepts and techniques – we guide you 100%. Kill Your Stutter can make we are almost giving it to you for free until you see results.

I’ll even go a step further and claim that after you start our system, many other ones will instantly look very unappealing – I dare you honestly.

Within 60 days… if you’re not completely stutter free after giving these techniques your sincere effort, then just contact us right away for support. If we truly can’t guide you and prove that failure is NOT an option, then we’ll promptly REFUND EVERY RED CENT. This is why it’s a virtually RISKLESS offer.

    We Are With #1 Trusted & Reputable Clickbank

What it will take to get it…

Claim Your Copy of “Kill Your Stutter” by Clicking Here

The exclusive Kill Your Stutter program requires a single commitment from you. This decision is yours. Not effort- just a simple mental choice.

FACT: The significant time you would ordinarily spend trying to use sheer will power to overcome stuttering is in the hundreds of hours range. As billionaire Henry Ford once said “Time is money.” The rule is to not waste time. Because if you waste time, you are wasting your life.

Let’s say you researched new ways to overcome stuttering every 4 hours. (Which would be extremely fast even if you’re good) It would take you numerous hours to find something that works only partially to stop your stuttering.

Even if you worked at McDonalds for $5 an hour, this 200 hours of work would still cost your boss $1,400 or more.

Well hopefully you don’t ever see yourself working at a McDonalds’ wage (No offense intended if you do – I did a long time ago)

Aside from this appraisal, you’d agree that the Killer Your Stutter system & technique are PRICELESS and would be very expensive in terms of the “real results” that it can produce.

It’s really just a one-time fee of $47.00 to access the program for immediate results anytime. Think about that, that’s LESS than the cost of ONE SPEECH THERAPY SESSION!

Since you are the one investing, you are the boss.

At any time you can cancel your agreement with us. It’s as easy as sending customer support an email and explaining that you are not satisfied with the product’s results and we’ll refund your money.

Claim Your Copy of “Kill Your Stutter” by Clicking Here

Get your limited time offer copy now … DO NOT WAIT on this because we only have a limited amount of copies available to use for the low price of $47.

Limited offer: Get a copy today and never pay a monthly fee ever to use the system

YES Ari! I want to take advantage of your limited-offer where the $137 fee will be eliminated forever and now only a one-time fee of $47

I want the complete technique to stop stuttering, and use it to make my quality of life better. I want to destroy my stuttering with secret tactics that have never been revealed like this before. I understand that the elimination of the $137 is only for those who get in on this promotion.

A Note To The Buyer: “Kill Your Stutter” is a digital guide in PDF format which you will gain INSTANT access to 24/7 after purchasing the program (can be viewed on either MAC or PC).

If you have any questions or need tech support after purchasing, simply send us an E-mail and we’ll respond immediately!

  Internet Security Note: The secure order form on the next page will look like this:

Get it while its hot and the cost is still low!

Hold down your Copy of Kill Your Stutter FIRST. Do not hesitate! That is our urgent and very real recommendation. We are looking out for you!

  INSTANTLY Access “Kill Your Stutter”:

You can download the system instantly for $47.00 + $90.00 monthly onward

New Release Time-Sensitive: For a one-time payment of $137 $47… Download the only reputable stuttering system to hit the online world in years.

One time payment: Order via ClickBank’s secure payment servers via either card or Paypal. Instant download.

A Note To The Buyer: “Kill Your Stutter” is a digital guide in PDF format which you will gain INSTANT access to 24/7 after purchasing the program (can be viewed on either MAC or PC).

If you have any questions or need tech support after purchasing, simply send us an E-mail and we’ll respond immediately!

Wishing you the most success in stutter stopping you’ve ever seen, -Ari Kreitberg, Ex-Stutterer & Creator of “Kill Your Stutter”

P.S. If you don’t like it, cancel. You only have to invest once for the simple technique … and the results keep coming. You literally cannot stop the results coming in.  

P.P.S. This is NOT for everyone – again don’t spread this personal letter. We only want to work with a VERY exclusive community who will benefit tremendously from following what we do and killing stuttering like we do ….  get Kill Your Stutter now only if you want the no-risk 60-day money back guarantee offer, for a limited time only…

Claim Your Copy of “Kill Your Stutter” by Clicking Here

Contact Us | Affiliates | Order Now! | Disclaimer KillYourStutter.com™ 2010. The web site and the Kill Your Stutter program, articles and contents are protected under international copyright & trademark laws. “Kill Your Stutter” and the Kill Your Stutter logo are trademark of KillYourStutter.com

[r-o-se]

Produce 101 Season 2 Ep 7 lit lit lit 92 point running commentary 

hey whats up squad fam id link where I watched it but it was like 4 different sources so I’m sorryyyyy message me and ask for them later

1.      They’re jumping right into it and its BTS Spring Day stage all are pastely beige pink and its cute af this is the youngest group on average and has the small Woojin, Kim Youngjin, Kenta, Seonho and Bae Jinyoung

2.      Younjin wants to be center/main vocal eventho hes originally a rapper and I understannd WHY he wants it but to have a rapper as main vocal is…… not clever

3.      Holy shit he actually gets to be the main vocal wow I’m shook as hell

4.      Seokhoon is making angry eyes at him tho and now Woojin is a shitton better at this checkup and gets to be the new center

5.      He has problems hitting the high note though poor baby

6.      Baejy gets praised by BoA and he gets cute and smiley as fuck its adorableeeeee

7.      SEONHO IS PLAYING PIANO IM PROUD OF MY LIL BABY BIRD

8.      Baby Woojin didn’t fully hit the note but he didn’t fully miss ti either so its okkkk

9.      Kenta got literally 0 personal screentime though mnet fucking hates him this boy is a GEM you could make so much clips out of him but nooooooooo

10.   Seonho made kissy faces at the camera and Guanlin cringed so hard it was beautiful

11.   Seonho got first aaaahahahha it’s the piano and the visuals but can we just remember the fact that the kid is only what 15? 16? He’s fuckin SMALL

12.   Now the next stage is N Sync-Pop aka the group with one dancer and a bunch of other professions since they got filled also………… WOODAM IS HERE IM SO FUCKING EMO POOR KID

13.   They also got Sangbin, Jung Jung, Insoo, Kiwon, Jaechan and Woodam obviously. Jung Jung is the only og dancer there

14.   I’m very sad about Woodam but I wanna see others too like please…… I miss Sangbin and Insoo… Show them too they literally choreographed the whole thing and GOT PRAISED FOR IT…. And their teamwork was called the best they had seen IM SO GLAD

15.   But their team is all very low numbers it makes me really really sad ugh

16.   Their clothes are so 90s I LOVE IT HOW CUTE

17.   They all dance so well especially for a group of people who aren’t actually dancers

18.   SANGBINI IS SO GOOD I LOVE HIM SO MUCH FUCK

19.   Junghung unzipped his sweater and flipped around OBVIOUSLY

20.   Everyone are clapping in circles aaahahahahah round of applause LITERALLY

21.   Oh my gooooosh WOODAM HAS ASTHMA POOR BABY KID

22.   If Woodam won’t make it I’m going to riot

23.   SANGBIN IS LAST AGAIN LAST HERE AND LAST IN THE GROUP EVALUATION WHAT IS THIS BULLSHIT JUSTICE FOR SANGBIN HES A RANK AND INDIVIDUAL TRAINEE AND AN EXCELLENT RAPPER FUCKING VOTE FOR HIM ASSES

24.   NOW ITS TIME FOR A-TOM, EUIWOONG AND MY PINK RAPPER FLUFF WOO JINYOUNGGGGGGGGG THEY ARE DOING

25.   Ajlahlskadf they asked Jinyoung ‘whos the best’ and hes like ahh everyone are good in their own way and they they asked again from Sanggyun and he’s like ‘I’m the best lol’

26.   Wait is this the stage where Ha Minho was…….. because lmao they really did a good job editing him out I’m dead ‘they can’t edit better evil editing isn’t a thing’ MY GUY THEY DELETED A GUY WHO WON A BATTLE!!  WITHOUT IT EVEN BEBING NOTICED IF WE DIDN’T KNOW HE WAS THERE!! GODDAMN

27.   Jinyoung is the centerrrrrrrr love my babe but obvi I’m sad for Sanggyun

28.   Also yall Minho won this battle with an Mnet diss

29.   Sanggyun has problems coming up with lyrics poor babe I hope he’s alright OH NO BABY MESSED UP HIS WORDS TWICE

30.   KAKLKFNAWKNN MINHO IS BLURRED OUT ON STAGE WHY IS THIS SO FUNNY

31.    SANGGYUN AND EUIWOONG GOT PRAISEDDDDDDD AND OBVI WOOJY TOO IM SO PROUDDDDD

32.   THEIR STAGE IS SO GOOD THE ENERGY IS SO GOOD WHAT THE FUCK THEY ALL ON FIRE AS FUCK

33.   Cheetah is feeling herself big time

34.   Euiwoong looks so much better here than with the BIL team he looked like a fetus there but rn HES FUCKIN AMAZING

35.   Imagine ranking 4th out of 3 people wow that seems like something that would happen to me lmao poor Euiwoong

36.   A group with no first place how tragic

37.   ITS TIMEEEEEE OFR RHYTHM TA  ok but why choose the same song for two years in a row lol

38.   This team is Gwanghyun, Yoojin and Taewoo

39.   Yoojin hated being a leader back in Be Mine days and now he’s stuck again because Gwanghyun and are submissive fucks

40.   GWANGHYUN IS NERVOUS AND WENT TO ASK JINYOUNG FOR HELP THIS IS SO CUTE AND JINYOUNG BABE GAVE HIM ADVICE INSTEAD OF SENDGIN A RIVAL AWAY

41.   This groups teamwork is seriously amazing I love it so much their dynamic is so amazing

42.   Their energy is so good they sereiously seemed to just fuckin get such a high out of being on stage

43.   Poor Baby Yoojin is last, Taewoo is second and Gwanghyun got first poor baby is crying and the others are cheering him up this is so sweet

44.   BoA Amazing kiss is up next with Dongsu, JELLY HEESEOK WHO I HAVENT SEEN IN WEEKS LOVE YOU BABE DO WELL, Seunghyuk and Gunhee. Gunhee is the leader yet they have problems choosing the center

45.   THEIR VOCALS ARE ALL SO GOOD WHAT THE FUCK GUNHEE IS AMAZING

46.   Heeseok really wants to be center and is being kind of pushy but in the end Gunhee got the center part too

47.   THEIR HARMONIES ARE SO GOOD

48.   AND VOCALS SO STRONG AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

49.   Gunhee looks………. So good…….. I cant take it…… with the choker and everything just fuck me upppp

50.   Jahldfhaan gunhee shook his ass on stage while appealing time

51.   Gunhee is bringing up Hyunwoo too goddamn im weakhearted don’t do this to me

52.   Heeseok got last place….. I’m emo as fuck…… fuckin stab me…… My Jellyfish son…. Seunghyuk is third, Dongsu second and Gunheeeeeeeeee is FIRST!!! Proud of my kid

53.   Now its I.O.I Downpour team, Hyunbin, Jisung, Minhyun, Jaehwan and Sungwoon aka ALL THE KIDS I LOVE!!!!

54.   They chose Jisung as leader my babe looks so good with purple hair GOD BLESS

55.   Sungwoon is so pretty godddamnit ‘I’ve heard it often I’m not good enough for main vocal’ I’ll beat up whoever said it

56.   HE IS GIVING UP MAIN VOCAL TO JAEHWAN!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! WHAT AN ANGEL!!!!!!! I’M SHOOK!!!!!

57.   Hyunbin got a lot of hate and I’m very salty over it I love my tall boy very much SAME GOES TO JISUNG!!!! THAT KID HASN’T DONE A SINGLE THING WRONG HE IS SO SWEET AND SO INSPIRING AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH MMO BETTER FUCKING DEBUT HIM WITH THE MMO SQUAD ONCE ITS DONE!!!!!!

58.   Hyunbin messed up a bit and Jisung comforted him poor lil baby I’m so sorry for my tall child and thank you so much Jisung for taking care of my baby kid

59.   Anyways they asked if they can change and having Jaehwan play guitar instead of having the teachers play piano

60.   Minhyun looks so fine in pastel pink fuck me up

61.   Cut to Baekho and Jonghyun lookin like ‘damn right’

62.    JAEHWANS VOICE DOES THINGS TO ME I DIDN’T EVEN SEE ITS HIM BUT WHEN HIS VOICE STARTED I GOT SHIVERS SAME WITH SUNGWOON I LOVE MY POWER VOCAL CHILDREN

63.   Oh my fucking god everyone in the crowd and the other trainees AND HYUNBIN are all bawling

64.   JAEHWANS VOCALS SAVED MY LIFE! FUCKING G O S H THIS IS SO EMOTIONAL I DON’T EVEN KNOW THE LYRICS BUT I FEEL LIKE CRYING

65.   Sakjfbakjsablkfjn Hyunbin and Jisung are holding hands

66.   Hyunbin is 5th and Jisung takes his hand and comforts him a lot and tells him it’s okay this is too precious and Jisung himself is 4th and Sungwoon third, Minhyun second and JAEHWAN FIRST HE DESERVED IT BEST FUCKING VOCALS IN THIS ENTIRE SHOW IF HE WONT MAKE IT I AM RIOTING!!!!!!

67.   Jinwoo ranked super low in vocals……. I’m so fucking sad when will people learn to appreaciate true talent…..

68.   Gunhees mouth can open so wide its amazing honestly also HE GOT OVERALL VOCAL FIRST PLACE IM SO PROUD!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!! BABE!!!!!!!!!! U DESERVED IT U WERE A GREAT CENTER AND LEADER

69.   Now its only the dance teams left starting with Gete Ugly. The subber seems to love him and tbh same bless Danik

70.   Ong is so fuckin funny I love him lmao

71.   It’s Daniels team and he’s like ‘I’m sorry I was a bad leader’ and Ong is like nah fam ALSO FUN FACT REVEALED BY ONG Jonghyun inspired him to be the leader this is so fuckin cuteeeeee

72.   Afnhlna what is going on why are they showing them in the result room before the stage I’m????

73.   This team has all of the alpha bitches like seriously Jihoon, Samuel, Ong, Daniel, Hyungseob are 1st, 2nd, 4th, 5th and 6th and then poor baby Park Woojin is 24th.

74.   Awwwwwwwwww the populars are all thinking that Woojin could kill it this is so cute

75.   Danik is the MMO maknae apparently and volunteered and FUCK SUNGWOO JUST SAID JONGHYUN INSPIRED HIM TO BE THE LEADER MY SORRY SORRY AND ONGNIEL HEART CANT TAKE IT

76.   Samuel keeps being eaten up by Jihoon save my boy  those two want center and WOOJIN WANTS TOO!!!!!!! I LOVE WOOJIN!!!!!! PICK HIM!!!!!

77.   AAAAAAHAHAH FUCK SAMUEL JUST SAID THAT HES LIKE A SKINNY DEER NEXT TO JIHOONS TIGER THIS IS THE CUTEST

78.   Jihoon?? Recommended Sameuel now?? FUCK CUTE!!! Poor Woojin tho aw

79.   They are a bit lacking in the dance section though which makes me a bit sad and Danik egets a bit flamed from Kahi since he is the only one who has problems with the choreo

80.   Samuel, Danik and Woojin are all choreographing it but they all have very different styles so it’s a bit hard to learn

81.   Anyways Danik is so cute and he has NICE ASS FUCKIN THIGHS HOLY SHIT  LOOK AT HIM B-BOYING

82.   The whip sound effects are so funny idk why but THEY ARE

83.   Ong and Jihoon are poppingggggggg and its GREATT

84.   Dabbing fuckers I stg

85.   Samuels legs are so thin OH MY GOD DANIEL TWIRLING ON HIS HANDS HOLY SHIT

86.   WHO DID THAT HALF SPLIT WAS IT ONG??? THAT WAS FUCKIN COOL

87.   Hey yall I love Kang Daniel and Park Woojin and I’m not gonna waste my fingers typing out all of the members here BUT I LOVE THEM ALL FUCK

88.   Jihoon did goddamn aegyo on that goddamn stage and Samuel gave half of a heart miss me w that cuteness

89.   Everyone think Samuel won it but goddamn?? No?? He ranked last? How the fuck did that happen I’m literally…… what?? Why on earth? Anyways yall remember when Samuel called his mom and she called him a puppy

90.   DANIK GOT 5TH IM ANGRY!!! AND HE SAID ITS WHAT HE DESERVES!! NO!!!!!

91.   Hyungseob is 4th, Ong is 3rd and Woojin is SUPER NERVOUS AND NOW THEY CUT IT OFF!! FUCK YOU MNET!!

92.   If Taehyun isn’t getting the best dancer I’m going to scream right here right now

93.   Pop got really low votes I’m emo

94.   TAEHYUN WRECKED IT HE IS FIRST!! HE DESERVES IT FUCKIN HELLL HE DOESSSS

95.   Ok cut back to get ugly votes WOOJIN GOT FIRST HE REALLY DID IM SO PROUD HE REALLY DID IY MY FOX BABY HE DESERVED THAT FIRST CENTER PLACE FROM A RANKS AS WELL BUT NOW HES HERE AND BEAT UP!!!!! THE ENTIRE TOP TEN!!! FUCKIN GOD IM PROUD

96.   TAEHYUN STAYED THERE HE REALLY DID WOOOJIN IS 5TH BUT TAEHYUN MADE IT HE IS FIRST HE BEAT ALL OF THE AVENGERS F U C K

97.   Samuel and Daniel are ranking really low…… this is…. This is really sad wow holy shit….Poor children…. To drop from second to second to last??? Poor kid

98.   Anyways the golden trio is now Gunhee, Jonghyun and Taehyun I am satisfied and have no objections to that

Good night yall buy nuest albums theyyre good for your health also happy debut to ace and merry comebacks to map6, ikon, got7, knk, b.i.g,, 24k and anyone else that I forgot